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#but also stuff was still going on unresolved from the social war! and also the debt crisis! various vaguely related things

thecoffeelorian · 19 days

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4/12/2024

Hello again, everyone...

Firstly, I just wanted to say that I think I'm more or less answering my own question from last week, specifically in that I'm hoping to capture all of the moments that canon either didn't think of or else could have included but chose not to, finding other artists and writers who feel as strongly as I do, and then passing all of that missing knowledge onto the ones that want it the most.

For example...I wanted to make sure that Omega and Crosshair weren't secretly (still) chipped, but that moment never came even though Captain Rex himself suggested that everyone not confirmed to be without one was a ticking time bomb.

I wanted to see Omega and Crosshair discuss the loss of Tech onscreen, but even though these two both had a clear relationship with him, that moment never came.

And lastly I want to see CX-2's face to know who he is under that mask...but, tragically, though I'm not the only one who has suspicions, that moment might not come.

This and a growing list of unaddressed content is pretty much the difficulty I've had from the very start of this thing, so...maybe that's my real purpose here. Maybe, alongside a lot of other talented artists and writers, I'm meant to help fill in the blanks for others as well as myself, if only to make the growing list of unresolved issues that this show has had since the beginning not feel so overwhelming any more.

Maybe we were also always meant to start telling our own tales about these mega-corporate creations, and in so doing, change them from some way to rake in more cash and give them more personality, more likes and dislikes, more history, heck, possibly even more life if it means our own lives aren't so isolated and confined to the rules of some CEO in a suit.

So, whether or not we follow their social media accounts, watch their shows, and buy their merchandise...I hope none of us ever stop building our own myths and legends about these heroes. Whatever we do or wherever we go, I hope we don't stop creating.

Now...with that thought in mind, let's get to the weekly picks.

The Bad Batch Fan Art

Omega, Crosshair, and Tech by @doodlingfoolishness

Captain Baja Blast by @evefangirl

CX-2 by @keeradaks

Captain Howzer by @thespianwtch

The Bad Batch Fan Fiction

Consequence by @the-kittylorian-writes

Food Fight by @buckybarnes-and-noble

A Rest by Tanwyn

The Clone Wars Fan Art

Let's go to work by @thassakolti0

Happy Spring by @coline7373

Hardcase by @clone-trooper-cheese

The Clone Wars Fanfiction

Forget Me Not by @jedi-princess-kestis

The Mandalorian Fanart

Paz Vizsla by @gqe-leh

Tales Of The Empire Fanart

Barriss Offee by @raidantra

She's baaack!! by @master-tired

Barriss Offee by @revanknightwoman

And so, in order to support all our writers and artists, please check out the links I included above, like, comment, and reblog as you would with anyone else.

Please also like and reblog this latest installment so that these links can be spread around to as many other fans as possible, just in case not all of them can tune in at the same time. Thank you, good morning, and good luck.

No Pressure Tags: @ilovemedia @gun-roswell @theosb0rnway @ci-avmovies14 @called-me-vicky @saphiranishimurashan @themightychipmunk42 @sharpasanaro @ray-rook @serinzatravel-blog @chefobiwankenobi @smw-on-kamino @here-comes-the-moose @trixie2023 @skellymom @talesfrommedinastation @callsign-denmark @melymigo @groguandthebadbatch @ankossss @littlefeatherr @yeehawgeek and anyone else who might be in search of more of the good stuff.

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occasionally-victor · 1 year

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gem & impulse, I dunno, looking up a map i guess + gem explaining something to a crowd + some bodymarks (they are kinda like birthmarks and dont hold much meaning, i just thought it would be funky)

before i do anything actually related to the main plot i decided to do some exposition stuff

So, as i was saying in previous post, the relationship between Heliocross and Lunaris (i actually gave them names) regions are what i would describe as disconnected (even tho they are literally neighbours). It was a result of practically unresolved conflict from like 500 years ago which barely ended up in an official war (you could say that Sages basically dragged their Heads of Region to sign up a peace treaty). Im not going to say much about who was the baddie, it was pretty much the type of conflict that could have been avoided if the Heads weren't such stuck-up dismissive bitc- anyways. For some time after it was still really bad - people of both regions generally wanted to do nothing with the people of the other. It did mostly cool off with time, but unfortunately, the lands created by Gods were seemingly irreparably divided. For example, the biannual celebration of Equinoxes was no longer held (imagine New Year, but actually twice a year, and its like, the collaborative effort of both Heliocross and Lunaris. The March one (im not thinking of original names for fucking months) is more grand tho because its the The New Year, yknow?); some economics shit because most of the trading now happens through the third party (we will talk about the other region that is also there later tho); just overall unawares of what's happening on the other side of border. The only thing that stayed pretty much the same is whatever Sages are doing; and one if the things they are doing is ritual every solar eclipse (because yadda yadda moon close to sun) (i will expand on Sages later tho).

Talking about Heliocross specifically, one of the big problems here is hundreds of years of Not Admitting You Have Also Fucked Up about the whole thing. It's, once again, not outright hatred for Lunaris, but but ever since forever history books in Heliocross would mention mostly fucking ups from the other region. As of recent tho, it mostly now affecting the older generation, because those who younger are having access to less biased information due to the worlds equivalent of Internet (basically, how its it kinda irl now lmao). This also one of the factors of creation of special organisation [i will. create a name for it later. its not really important now anyways]. One of the main objectives it has is the rebuilding the relationship between Heliocross and Lunaris. That org is divided in two separate wings, one is more legal work focused (Usually related to traveling between regions for on or another reason. Its not illegal, but its really hard), the other is more social work leaning. Im not going too deep into that, neither into structure of it. I haven't thought of the name of it yet, but i made a logo:

Gem is a Managing director, concurrently is pretty much in charge of her department (her's is one of the ones that in the capital of the region). She also travels to Lunaria a lot (its pretty much part of the job). Impulse got spontaneously hired as "helper of Manager" (its supposed to be this vague). Those two are pretty much coworkers turned besties, since Gem insisted on dragging Impulse on various trips and visits.

#art #fanart #mcyt #hermitcraft #geminitay #impulsesv #oh to write a ton of exposition only for small but about characters themselves #i still have like 3-4 more exposition posts in mind lmao #i also was meant to post it yesterday but i fucked one art up so i had to start it from scratch #i also didn't reread the whole thing so if its incomprehensible - i also wrote it while being half asleep #i might do a next post with something like a map and just general worldbuilding #and i guess i have to give it a name now 😒#honestly i thinking i will just name it Your Average Sun & Moon AU its kinda funny #YAS&MAU #yeah like that #i went to put au tag on my 1st post and i realised i forgot the fucking flower in gems hair goddaMIT #whatever i decided now that she doesn't wear it all the time adapt and overcome

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myfandomrambles · 4 years

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Adora, Catra & Trauma (Pt3)

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 4)

Full Show

An Analysis of the way Catra & Adora are affected by their respective traumatic experiences.

Relationship To Primary Abuser

Catra

Catra bases her identity around Shadow Weaver second only to Adora in power she has over her emotional states. Shadow Weaver abused Catra for essentially her entire life through psychological, emotional, and physical ways. We see her use her magic to immobilize Catra, terrorize her, and physical grab Catra throughout the show.

Starting from a young age she insulted and degraded Catra and said Catra's worth is based on rather Adora wants her. A key quote stated in Promise (1x11 )

Shadow Weaver:“You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself.”

I believe this sets up the main dynamic better than anything.

Catra sees herself as worth nothing to Shadow Weaver, as only existing in relation to Adora and as always under threat. Catra deeply internalized this view of only mattering in how she measures up to Adora but continuously wanted to be more than a nuisance to Shadow Weaver. Catra is constantly pulled when it comes to shadow weaver between wanting love and being afraid, the essence of her disorganised attachment.

Up until Catra gained the right-hand man status to Hordak she was consistently in fear of Shadow Weaver. And afterwards, she didn't stop basing her worth on Shadow Weaver's perceptions.

Starting in season one Shadow Weaver and Catra show a mostly typical older child and abusive parent dynamic. Catra is willing to test boundaries but only so much. In The Sword pt 2 (1x02 ) she says

Catra: “Shadow Weaver is freaking out. It'd be funny if she weren't such a terrible person ”

showing she has accepted and can have humour about the situation. This continues for a while in The Beacon (1x10) we see dissonance all at once saying she doesn’t need Shadow Weaver, seeks her approval, and even tries to offer comfort to Shadow Weaver.

In Light Hope (1x12) we see the first milestone in this dynamic with Catra overtaking Shadow Weaver in the social hierarchy. However, this doesn’t change the fact that Catra still feels a need to be close to Shadow Weaver and to base her value off of her. She continuously goes to talk to Shadow Weaver to try and prove she’s become better but only ends up with Catra subjecting herself to more of Shadow Weaver’s abuse.

In Signals (2x03) she bases what she should be doing off of what Shadow Weaver would have done.

Catra “I bet Shadow Weaver didn’t have to deal with any of this"

After this she goes to Shadow Weaver for the answers. Her stated autonomy isn’t present and we see Catra still seeing Shadow Weaver as the proper adult.

One of the most impactful moments takes place in Light Spinner (2x06). In this episode, we see Catra deeply needs Shadow Weaver to love her and is protective over her mother. We can see Catra’s fear and unresolved attachment needs from her childhood fighting over how she should act. She has spent this season setting and then breaking her boundaries due to deeply wanting to be loved and respected. Catra is easily manipulated by Shadow Weaver’s semi-kind words and some of the only soft-touch she gets [before reuniting with Adora in season 5].

When Catra confronts Shadow Weaver Catra asks the questions every abused kid wants to ask:

"Why was I treated like that?" and "why was I never good enough?"

Shadow Weaver's response is one that is so common and destructive. "I suffered, so I think that’s what you ought to as well," and “You were never as good as your sibling” or in this case Adora.

Catra rejects some of this explanation and then returns another abused child question: "what could I have done? I was just a kid"

Shadow Weaver mostly brushes this question and Shadow Weaver maintains her power by knowing her child so well. Shadow Weaver hits where it hurts, pointing out that she's being made second best and replaced again. She plays on Catra feeling less than and being so scared of being abandoned to get what she wanted, a way out. This breaks Catra's resolve strongly; we see her spiral through hypervigilance, anxiety and depression.

We see how much this affected Catra when Adora’s explained Shadow Weaver went to the bright moon in Once Upon a Time in the Waste (3x03 ). Catra interprets this as Shadow Weaver abandoning her for Adora triggering a dissociative episode and leading into her suicide/homicide attempt.

The next time we see them together is in Failsafe (5x11) . Catra’s immediate reaction to her being there is to move into hyperarousal of fight mode and then into flight and freeze. She is afraid and angry still, but she has finally put up more of a barrier, however, her presence still causes Catra to fear the loss of Adora.

Catra is deeply triggered by the touch of Shadow Weaver and it leaves her in a state of heightened flight response. This experience also brings out her older protective instincts we saw in season 1 and late-season 2 due to the way she knows Adora can get hurt like she’s been hurt by Shadow Weaver. Catra overhears what she thinks is Adora giving into Shadow Weaver setting up the next set of actions in The Heart pt 1&2 (5x12-13) . Causing Catra to leave due to the manipulation she knows she’s experiencing.

When they next meet Catra is fully able to stand up to her stating it was no longer about her, a very strong statement. Even if she is still clearly hurt by the abandonment. Shadow Weaver is willing to help due to complex reasons, wanting to save the world as that’s the “side” she chose, and some degree of responsibility for her daughters even if it's twisted and more about performing and then anything resembling love. Catra is affected by this crying at the loss of her mother. We don’t get to know much about this fallout but it would be as complex as the history of adult children of abusive parents usually are.

Adora

Adora's relationship to Shadow Weaver, her mother and commander, is characterized by manipulation, fear and agitation. Shadow Weaver made her the golden child, the next hero and leader, responsible for others way too early and as an object to be used for power. All of these became the core ideas and schemas that Adora built her life on.

Adora lacked direct physical/magical abuse from Shadow Weaver but experienced a severe psychological and emotional abuse. An example is her being forced to watch and being blamed for the physical/magical abuse of Catra (Promise 1x11) . During their childhood, we see that the abuse worked to internalise the views of shadow weaver which gave Shadow Weaver an intense and continuous force in her life even when not present.

In The Sword pt1 (1x01) we see how Shadow Weaver wanted her to be the next force captain and believed her to be the best of the children she raised. We can tell Adora wanted to be the best having internalized these desires. Adora believed what she was taught wholesale on the ideological front as well and losing that belief when seeing the harm of war causes the first rupture in her connection to Shadow Weaver.

In the Shadows of Mystacor (1x07) has a few key moments. One is Adora admitting Shadow Weaver did “mom stuff” which shows Adora understands Shadow Weaver as her primary attachment figure, ie the mother. Another key moment of this episode is Adora rejecting Shadow Weaver’s control for the first time. She verbally states her autonomy, affirms that the pain is not her fault and that Shadow Weaver shouldn’t get to decide her life. Adora physically fights Shadow Weaver off and protects her new life, something that is one of the most powerful moments in their relationship. This is a rejection of not only her abuser but the life she was taught to want. She is choosing a new healthier life. This is solidified in after the confrontation she allows her friends to support her.

In No Princess Left Behind (1x09) Adora is physically assaulted and violated mentally by her mother figure. This is an attempt to try and bring her back under control. Something we know she has been trying to do this whole time, a very visceral moment of how much Shadow Weaver believed she owned Adora. This is a harsh and traumatic event for Adora.

We don’t see them interact together fully until The Price of Power (3x01). We see Adora be willing to help Shadow Weaver both due to her ingrained responsibility and she doesn’t want to see her mother figure die. Adora also needs to know what’s going on and Adora is scared to not have some control in the situation. This fear of being out of control brings Adora to interact with her abuser.

Adora is also more confident that she won’t be directly manipulated anymore. She has learned most of Shadow Weaver's tactics and isn’t vulnerable enough for them to work. The conversation they have here shows this personal growth Adora has experienced.

Shadow Weaver: “I knew you were different. You were...”

Adora: “- Special? No, what you always told me was that I didn't matter. I was special only as long as I obeyed you.”

However, the conversations between them also break the precarious hold on some sense of self Adora gained over the past through SHadow Weaver revealing she is a first one. This adds self confusion and distances her from others. This is important because her connection to others is the most powerful grounding tool Adra has learned to have.

Throughout this season Adora is continually agitated and stressed about Shadow Weaver being allowed in her safe space of Bright Moon. In Pulse (4x04) we see Adora be upset about Glimmer having asked for magic help from Shadow Weaver. She is understandably afraid of Shadow Weaver’s power and is scared of losing another friend to the damage Shadow Weaver caused. Shadow Weaver is a walking trigger to her childhood trauma leaving her implicit memories of shadow weaver as a figure of pain, magic as bad and both as a threat to friends on continuously.

In Princess Scorpia (4x06) Shadow Weaver continues to cause problems for Adora even when not there as her Black and White thinking on magic and will to keep shadow weaver from having control feed into the relational struggles Adora and Glimmer are having.

In Mer-Mysteries (4x07) we see Adora and Shadow Weaver interact and Adora is sure that Shadow Weaver is the spy and is in deep pain over the fact she believes she is hurting Glimmer. However, we see them take Shadow Weaver’s advice because even Adora can admit Shadow Weaver is great at manipulating others.

We see their next big moments in Failsafe (5x11) Shadow Weaver is willing to use Adora as a tool again, just like she had done her whole life. Shadow Weaver also works hard to break down any sense of autonomy Adora has and her newly healed connection to Catra, someone who would push back on Shadow Weaver in the most knowing way. These acts are harmful and while Adora tries to push back on Shadow Weaver multiple times the painful truth is that Shadow Weaver still has a power over her. While her attempts to use the comfort/assault patterns fail, Adora does need to try and save Etheria so the internal and external objectification continues.

In Heart pt 1 (5x12) we see Adora talking with the mirage of Mara. Mara is trying to get Adora to want to stay alive, to have self-worth, to take her own needs into account and to give herself grace. Adora herself is arguing back that she doesn’t have value on her own, she only matters in how she can be useful to others. Adora’s words echo Shadow Weaver of her having to be She-Ra and that she should be willing to die for it. Adora’s carrying this self-harming objectified view within her and it’s so defining of their dynamic.

This story ends in Shadow Weaver’s death, a complicated moment where Adora is clearly devastated by what happens and was almost helped by Shadow Weaver to be able to use the failsafe. The complications show through in her losing her mother, almost dying herself, and in an abuser doing one nice thing. This moment is complicated visually, narratively and relationally and is a good incapsulation of the lack of resolve abusive relationships with adult children can feel.

[A Word on “redemption” of Shadow Weaver

I don't believe shadow weaver is redeemed or a good person for her sacrifice. I think her reasons were complex but I don't believe she has ever had or a healthy love for her "daughters". I don't think we should consider this worthy of having forgiveness for her actions based on one singular action. Once action doesn't outweigh years of abuse and trauma.]

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yourdarlingfaux · 3 years

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lol more asks cuz why not

(u dont have to answer if u dont wanna but idk u did say multiple are okay)

Is there a ship you no longer ship and why?

rant about any ship you love but feel like you don't talk about enough

(ok this aren't listed question) is there any pairing you think is better as a friendship?

if you could rate all your hetalia ships from 1- how ever many you have( 1 being your favourite) what would that list look like?

if you could go to the wedding of one of your ships- which ship would it be? and why

which ship is the most chaotic?

what would your ships be like as parents?(you can do one ship if you want or mulitiple)

anddddddddddddd

give a description of your ship/ships in a nutshell, so like what is their dynamic basically like

oof sorry about so many askssss

l do be curious tho

Dude omg please don't be sorry look you are SPOILING ME with these thank you very much I crave attention lmao

⚜ Is there a ship I no longer ship? Why?

Hm.... there’s none that I can think of! So if I ever dropped shipping something it’s probably because I forgot! :p

I would be putting FrUK/USUK here but I was never really avid about them to be no longer shipped and I still like them on occasion

⚜ Rant about any ship I love but feel like you don't talk about enough

Spaus!!!!!! Spain and Austria!!!! I talk about Fraus but Spaus??? Nationverse Spaus??? They had the same thing going except.. a very different energy. These are two men who married while still trying to find where they fit in the world, they fought wars against each other, they were not perfect in any way, but they were husbands, and they always respected each other as such. Human AUs, same thing, they weren’t perfect, they had to grow so much to get to where they are, and often times they'd go DAYS without speaking to each other, but they'd still sit down and chat with their music, Spain on the guitar and Austria on the piano, sometimes they wouldn't play long, but just a few notes and strums exchanged served as a reminder that when they're ready to talk again, they're both ready for each other

Omg wait brain juice FLOWING Hungary x Belgium.... it’s always been hard for me to like them bc of the ship name (for some reason??) but I’ve been thinking about it and I just... wow...... Horse knight woman(? Woman debatable) and a woman who smells like chocolate :) mm.. that’s a vibe

Also I have very very VERY few Ideas on this but Belarus x Seychelles SLAPS in the most positive way

⚜ Is there any pairing you think is better as a friendship?

Hmm, I’m gonna have to go with USA x N. Italy!! I love them together a lot but I have a hard time seeing them actually being in a romantic relationship :0

Also Estonia x Finland! I think they’re good friends! MAybe tried some intimate stuff in the past but Finland moved on from that and Estonia, in my hc, discovered he’s hetero/aro ace! Which in this case just means Ukraine pretty--

⚜ Rating all my favorite 2p/Hetalia ships from 1-5 because I have way too many ;,)

Hetalia ships in order of how much feeling I have for them when I look at the list

France x Austria

France x Russia

France x Turkey (gee haha I wonder who my favorite character is)

Cuba x Canada

Germany x England (more in human aus tho :) )

Honorable mention!: Romania x Prussia

Honorable mention #2!: Netherlands x Canada

Fav 2p ships in order of how often I think of/write for them

2p France x 2p Austria (wow! shocking!)

2p Sweden x 2p Finland

2p Germania x 2p Ancient Rome

2p Russia x 2p China

2p Germany x 2p Italy

Honorable mention #3!: 2p Egypt x 2p Turkey x 2p Greece [ETG trio]

⚜ If you could go to the wedding of one of your ships- which ship would it be? and why

2p Ancient Greece and 2p Ancient India! I’ve never written them ever and 2p Ancient India is barely a figment of a character but holy shit!!! They would have an amazing wedding!!! No expenses spared and absolutely extravagant!

Or 2pSufin! Cool wedding! Small and cozy because they both have sensory processing issues and it’d just be a very comfortable place to be! :)

⚜ Which ship/s are the most chaotic?

Romania x Prussia (if you can’t imagine why this would be.... I don’t know what to tell you)

Prussia x England (two tired overworked punks)

2p Greece x 2p Japan (half their dates prob consist of running from p!gs for being caught spray painting places that are queerphobic or xenophobic and the others are spent in libraries and museums)

2p Italy x 2p HRE (two kids who don’t know what emotional regulation is)

⚜ What would my ships be like as parents?

Ok! I’ll start out with the ones that I’ve already given children :)

2p Ancient Greece and 2p Ancient Rome (Famous AU): They..... they really tried... they tried so hard to work out their issues for the grandkids, but of course in the end that never works.. they raised the Italy brothers after an accident happened that left them as orphans. Eventually, Melita did leave Cassius, but she also left the grandkids to be looked after by him, and she continued to be absent until the kids were in there mid-20's. Cassius tried his best with what he had, but his best wasn't healthy and was too much self projection because he didn't want them to be hurt as he was, but it backfired, it backfired a lot.

2p Germania and 2p Ancient Rome (Famous AU): Cassius was there to help Berinhart help raise Roland the moment Roland was turned over to Ber's custody, like, that very night. Though Cassius wasn't always present because he was still "with Melita" at that time, but once he was responsible for his own grandchildren, that did start changing in "getting the kids together for socializing" so they could start seeing each other more. Berinhart is a good parent, well rounded and knows how to motivate positively for even the most mundane things

2p Sweden and 2p Finland (most AUs): They adopted two kids: Jack (2pSealand) and Kurt (2pLadonia). Tobbe’s not the best with getting along with children but he’ll be damned if he’s not going to try his best to be with Vaito to raise them with him. Tobbe makes the meals and teaches them to cook and how to clean up after themselves and Vaito teaches them how to clean up bigger messes so Tobbe doesn't have to look at them. Kurt and Jack are in good hands :)

2p France and 2p Austria (however this is only in my Genshin Impact/2ptalia crossover au): François isn’t really interested in a kid of his own and didn't know Roland "had" a kid until he went back to Roland's hometown with him, it's not that Roland didn't talk about Nikki, it's that he never mentioned that he was actually the one raising them until Roland left to travel the world, which left Nikki with Berinhart. François is glad he doesn't have a complete parental role with Nikki but he will fight tooth and nail if harm ever falls on them. And Roland loved taking care of Nikki because they're a founding just as he is but he just didn't feel like he was prepared or good enough to be a good parent for them.

⚜ A description of my ship/s in a nutshell / My ship dynamics in a nutshell

I think I have a wide range of ship dynamics ranging from:

Total of 1 braincell combined and they share it like the three fates in Disney's Hercules (Prussia x America namely)

Socially stunted smol and socially stunted tol

Classy gossip partners apparently

Homophobic bigot because of Unresolved Catholic Trauma and woman who thinks that All woman are bisexual (too niche? It's 2pRome x 2pAncient Greece in human AUs)

I have too many tbh, I don't prefer one type of ship over another so I really can't put all of them here-

Person who's experienced way too much trauma at a young age x person who had a lot of different trauma at a young age and are doing their best to help each other recover (2p France x 2p Austria)

#holy shit this is so long and I didn't even realize until I scrolled up #im-tired-and-queer #asks!#way too much to tag but #famous au #it's my fav au #i love it sm #yourdarlings headcanons

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wormbook22 · 4 years

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Hello world... again

Hellooo,

Thank you for finding me! \(^o^)/

This blog is mostly to promote my favorite arts & music, plus some stuffs about audio production (technical or not).

I used to have another blog on the same topics under the same name. However, due to some issues with Tumblr support (nothing illegal I swear o.O), I now need to create another one.

What you’ll find here:

Reviews of mostly non-mainstream musicians and their works (albums, singles, soundtracks, lives, operas etc.)

My journey of sound exploration, including discussion of music genres, recording techniques, instrument design etc.

(Sometimes) Other stuffs: books, art films, anime, paintings, comics, manga, sculptors, 3D rendering etc.

MINIMAL shitposting. I may post #random things and #announcement from time to time. The truly irrelevant stuffs are marked with #please ignore. Just block them.

I aim to churn out contents once every week for short posts (starting Aug this year), but more in-depth stuffs may take months, as I’m rather busy irl.

Now, here are some house rules before I start with the juicy posts:

1. Non-mainstream music?

That’s over-generalizing a bit, but I like weird stuffs from different genres all over the world. If it’s done right to me, it doesn’t matter if it’s jazz, pop, house, avant-garde, classical, hip-hop, soundtrack stuffs or whatever in-between. A few examples (not in any order): Kajiura Yuki, Ennio Morricone, Billie Eilish, Sergei Rachmaninoff, Björk, Agust D, Ulrich Drechsler, Hanoi Duo.

With that said, I’m quite biased with a mix of powerful female vocals, stuffs in minor keys & lots of evolving counter melodies. Sure, each of those do typically appear in mainstream music, but I tend to prefer more eclectic combinations of them. I’m sure I’ll unconsciously cover more people like that.

You’ll likely discover lots of weird people here. Do follow official channels of those who interest you! :D

2. Sound exploration...?

Well, after having too much time for introspection during Covid-19, I’m thinking of switching career to something along the line of foley artist or sound engineer. No idea what I want yet, so I’m exploring possible professions. Since this is a music-related blog, I just want to share my journey, haha.

Posts about this will have a separate hashtag so those not interested can ignore them. Topics will range from modding instruments, sound-making & recording paraphernalia, music theory, music history etc.

3. Weeb? NO. Maybe nerd at most.

In case someone spotted me mentioning “anime” and “manga” and thought “what if...”, no, I’m not into waifus, bishounen cults, or the other stuffs (you know what I mean)... Do not expect such contents here, though you can freely fangirl/fanboy about your favorite stuffs in the comment section (but keep it toxic-free plz) (^o^)/

I love many anime & manga series just as much as I enjoy Pan’s Labyrinth or NatGeo documentaries. I casually join fandoms, but I’m not hardcore and by no means an expert in anything. So do correct me if I get some facts wrong!

4. NO political stuffs, conspiracy theories, fan wars etc.

More like, I’ll keep potentially toxic stuffs to the minimum. I’ll still discuss them objectively if they’re relevant to the topic at hand. E.g. how a group’s disbandment may affect a musician’s solo career etc.

With all the crap happening in the world, we could do with a bit more positivity. And cooler heads. So I will NOT rant extensively about such things. And I WILL report such posts if I ever see them here.

I don’t care if you shitpost elsewhere. I do too. But please just spare this place...

Also, yes, it’s important to be aware of certain social issues.

However, I believe such things should be discussed with well-sourced information, clear illustrations and non-malicious intents. Not angry people throwing their opinions on the table, and sometimes throwing the table themselves. And more importantly, MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, social issues must be solved by consistently educating oneself and taking actions OFFLINE.

If you still wanna do that here, please please please switch to DM. I do want to have discussions with you.

Finally, I naturally stand at a respectful distance to my fav musicians.

I do get hyped and have expectations ahead of releases. But I’m not the type to directly message my favorite musicians, or queue up for hours to get their autographs. I also don’t collect merchandise or limited-edition items. I don’t go on “pilgrimages”. Just listening to their music, promoting them and supporting them financially (through streaming, buying releases, attending lives) is good enough for me. I don’t encourage this kind of behavior actually. Without avid fans, lots of musicians would starve... But this is just how I am. Plus, there’re just too many musicians I like. If I were too hardcore, I wouldn’t have time & resources to support them all xD

I’m interested in what they can share about their personal lives, but I don’t want to dig deeply into things that may disturb them. Unless they did something unlawful (not just morally questionable) that went unnoticed or unresolved (like smoking weed where it’s banned and not getting caught).

I love to discuss what make them spark as well as their flaws, casually but objectively. But I’m only human so biases is unavoidable. I always want to anticipate their next works or breakthroughs, if any, as long as their interest in making decent music is still there.

Liking their music doesn’t mean I need to like them as people. And certainly not love them romantically.

I sometimes need to compare some aspects of them (e.g. musical inspiration, background, how they’ve changed following financial success or failure etc.) But I’ll avoid that as much as possible, especially when it comes to music groups. A group is more than just its members.

All questions & gossip regarding opinions of fanbases should go to my inbox, and not anonymously (cuz I can’t reply you otherwise). I wanna keep this space clean, so I want to avoid fan wars & jumping to conclusions. Pretty sure it will happen eventually anyway, one way or another...

Wew, that sure is a lot of text *sweats*. Hope I’ve made it clear to you and myself what this blog will be like.

Please anticipate my next post around 2 months from now.

Thanks for reading. m(_ _)m

#music #review #hello world #why am I posting this when my next post's supposed to be 2 months from now

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mst3kproject · 5 years

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The Cyclops

If you asked me why this movie was never on MST3K, I would guess that it was simply too obvious. I mean, we’ve got Bert I. Gordon. We’ve got Lon Chaney Jr from The Indestructible Man, we’ve got Gloria Talbott from The Leech Woman, we’ve got Dean Parkin from War of the Colossal Beast, we’ve got superimposed bugs trying to look big, we’ve even got a giant radioactive guy with only one eye! There’s nothing here we haven’t seen before - except for Bert I.’s attempt at a really cheap sci-fit adaptation of The Odyssey.

Yes, you read that correctly.

In Guayjorm, Mexico (Guayjorm?), Susan Winter is looking for her fiancé Bruce Barton, a pilot who went missing three years ago. Along with her are Lee, another pilot; Russ, an old friend of Bruce’s; and Marty, a shady prospector who’s funding the expedition. The Mexican government thinks they’re up to no good and deny them permission to enter the area, but of course they go in anyway, and land in a valley which Marty declares to be full of uranium. Maybe that’s why all the wildlife there is twenty times the normal size… and wait until you see what’s become of Bruce!

I’ve seen enough of these movies that I was honestly surprised the plane didn’t crash. It was certainly set up to crash: a voice on the radio warns of dangerous downdrafts, and there’s the laughable bit where Marty freaks out and punches the pilot. The characters need the plane to escape again and Bert I. Gordon couldn’t afford to destroy even a model of one, and yet this sequence is shoved in to make it look like we’re going there, apparently just because movies are supposed to have plane crashes in them.

The effects here span Gordon’s usual range, from surprisingly convincing to absolutely risible. The first giant animal in the movie is a big skink that crawls through a gap in the rocks, and the shot in which we see Russ staring at it is very nice. The eyelines match up well, and things like the actions of the giant hawk we see a little later are timed perfectly with the actors reacting to them. Then mere minutes later, we’re treated to a transparent iguana straight out of King Dinosaur. The skink and the iguana then fight, in a scene that’s shot like it’s the T-Rex vs Spinosaurus fight from Jurassic Park III but is actually just two lizards rolling around.

The makeup that transforms Dean Parkin into a one-eyed monster is awful… I’m not even sure what’s supposed to have happened to the right side of his face. Did the radiation actually melt it or what? The prosthetic the same actor wore as Glenn Manning in War of the Colossal Beast was infinitely better. The giant’s roaring is just somebody yelling “rawr!” and the bits where he’s supposed to be touching and picking up the smaller humans are absolutely dreadful. On the other hand, the part where he fights a giant snake is clearly an actual boa constrictor wrapped around the actor’s body, and I’m glad the opening credits listed a ‘Snake Fight Supervisor’ who kept either party from getting hurt.

Performances run a similar gamut. Most aren’t great. Lon Chaney Jr. is full of enthusiasm, cradling his scintillator as if it’s the One Ring, but comes across as a man with no idea what he’s doing. I don’t think this is the way Marty’s character was written – he was meant to be a criminal mastermind, rather than a buffoon – but it does work. The characters of Lee and Russ are too bland for the actors to do much with them, but Gloria Talbott does her best with what she’s given and makes Susan’s obsession both touching and a little creepy.

Poor Susan gets belittled by just about everybody in this movie. The Mexican official we meet in the opening scene straight-up tells her to her face that she’s crazy and that her companions will betray her. The men talk about her in similar terms behind her back, and make snide comments about women’s intuition. At best they feel pity for this poor soul, clinging to lost hope. Even Russ, who knows her best and understands her need for closure, talks down to her about her quest, calls her hysterical, and treats her as something that really ought to belong to him if only she could understand that Bruce is dead! The idea that she might not be interested in him is never suggested and I do wonder what this love triangle was like when Bruce was present.

At the same time, the movie treats Susan with a surprising amount of respect. She’s very much the same sort of ‘helplessly watching woman’ narrator as Audrey Aimes or Joyce Manning and she does a lot of screaming and running, but she wears practical clothing and we’re clearly expected to sympathize with her desperate hope even as we, too, suspect it’s a lost cause. After being told over and over that she’s borderline delusional, the end of the movie vindicates her faith in Bruce: he is alive, just not in the form she expected. At the end she finally gets the closure she needs, able at last to grieve and move on.

If I’m talking about -isms I should mention that Lee keeps bragging that he’s good at tracking because he’s ‘one sixteenth Indian’, later upping this to a half when he manages to sneak by the giant unseen and finally to ‘full-blooded Indian’ when he finds the way back to the plane after they get lost. ‘Primitive’ peoples don’t have skills or knowledge, they’re good at these things by instinct, because they’re basically animals, right? ‘Native American’ isn’t a set of diverse cultures, it’s just being good at finding your way in the woods!

You guys don’t care about any of that, though. You want me to get back to the Greek Mythology stuff.

Gordon’s script takes a number of things from The Odyssey. First of all, we have the premise of venturing into an unknown wilderness in search of one’s way home to a lost love. On the way our heroes encounter storms, madmen, and monsters, and end up as prisoners in the cave of a one-eyed, wilderness-dwelling giant who blocks the way out with a giant stone. Before escaping, they must blind the giant with a fire-tipped spear. This is certainly the best-known part of the Odyssey, and people who haven’t come near reading the poem are still familiar with it from sources as diverse as The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad to Ducktales. The allusions to it are obvious and intentional.

But it doesn’t stop there. Gordon also seems to have visited another ancient poem that discusses Polyphemus the Cyclops – Ovid’s Metamorphoses. This contains a sequence (Book XIII, lines 738-897) in which the monster falls in love with a beautiful woman, the sea-nymph Galatea. She rejects him because of his ugliness, choosing instead to run off with the handsome river god Acis. This story presents the Cyclops in a much more human, even tender, light – his romantic advances towards Galatea are awkward, but they are sincere. What makes him a monster is how he responds to her rejection by killing her chosen lover.

Several parts of The Cyclops seem to reflect this legend. The giant Bruce is certainly as gentle as he can be towards Susan, while hostile to his romantic rival, Russ. There’s also the fact that when Susan sees the giant she immediately rejects him. She must know that the giant disfigured man living among the wreckage of Bruce’s plane and hanging on to objects like his watch can only be Bruce himself, but she refuses to accept it, even when she sees how he responds to her. She needs Russ to tell her what happened before she can finally bring herself to face it.

Which brings us to the fact that in another way, this is of course a remake of The Amazing Colossal Man. We have the fiancée searching for her lover whom she knows has come to harm but not what form that harm has taken, only to find he’s been irradiated and grown huge because his cells won’t stop dividing. Unfortunately, it’s not nearly as thoughtful a movie as Colossal Man or War of the Colossal Beast. Both those films tried to make Glenn Manning’s plight a metaphor, the first for cancer and the second for social problems. Neither fully succeeded, but they did give you things to think about. The Cyclops uses the same premise to put a twist on some well-known mythology, but unfortunately it doesn’t do anything with that.

The Metamorphoses was something of a comment on The Odyssey. It suggests that the reason Polyphemus was in such a foul mood the day Odysseus showed up was because Galatea had just rejected him, thus giving the monster feelings, motivations, and a story of his own. Bruce in The Cyclops is just a big, ugly, angry guy, and without seeing his descent into monsterhood he’s not the tragic figure Glenn Manning was trying so hard to be. Susan’s denial and her need to have somebody else tell her what she’s encountered are touching, but don’t say much about the mythological motifs they’re tacked onto. The idea of Penelope going out to search for Odysseus rather than quietly weaving a shroud and waiting for him could be interesting, but again, it’s not really used. Gordon had some great ideas but all he really wants to show us is superimposed lizards.

The ending also leaves a couple of important questions unresolved. I think we’re supposed to believe that everybody got back to Texas okay and Russ and Susan lived happily ever after… but part of me worries they all got thrown into prison in Mexico for flying over restricted airspace, and after all that radiation they may not grow huge but I bet their tumors did. How sweet.

#mst3k #reviews #the cyclops #mister big #episodes that never were #50s

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notanotherasiandrama · 5 years

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Currently Watching:

What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim (Kdrama): Yes I still haven’t finished this one yet, but I am on episode 12 so I only have 4 more eps left. After a long slump in the Romcom department of kdramas this show brought me back to life. It’s not all that deep of a show, but it’s funny and all the characters are adorable. Actually some of my favorite scenes have been delivered by the side characters. It does dabble a bit with the struggles of PTSD, but only on a surface level as this is a light romcom after all. 4 out of 5 stars so far because it’s enjoyable, but a little vapid.

Kingdom (netflix kdrama): I binge watched this series all in one night, that’s how good it is. I swear this show was tailor made for me. It’s set in historical Joseon era Korea, and it’s centered around the Crown Prince and his desperate search for the truth about his father’s illness which he feels is suspicious. I’m not spoiling anything because it’s obvious there are zombies after the first 2 episodes. I mean it’s like Train to Busan meets Ruler: Master of Masks. The zombie aspect is actually well done and doesn’t feel campy or stupid like most zombie series. Strong male and female leads, not really any romance except for a useless official’s adorable crush on the female physician. A little graphic, so if you are weak stomached you might want to close your eyes on certain parts, but I still love the plot. The Walking Dead falls into a Joseon era political drama. 5 out of 5 stars!

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes (kdrama): I know I’m super behind in what’s hot in the drama world, but I have a job and a social life so I get to what I can when I can. I’m on episode 11 and I have mixed feelings about this drama. The plot is interesting and the acting is great, but Seo In Guk’s character feels like a sociopath (which I understand is the point, but if this is a romance it’s really hard to root for a character that has the personality of a pretty cactus). Still it has kept my interest so I give it a 3.5 out of 5 stars so far.

The Legend Of Hao Lan (cdrama): After just coming off of The Story of Yanxi Palace I was searching for another great historical cdrama. I thought The Story of Ming Lan would fill that void, but sadly I couldn’t get past the first 3 eps. It was just too sad and boring. Might come back to that one later, but Hao Lan started off with a bang. Typically cdramas drag out the sufferings of their heroines for like 10 eps, but they just jumped right into it with a forced marriage to an abusive minister, a betrayal by her fake sister and fake prince charming, and then her wicked stepmother tries to kill her. I’m serious this is first 30 minute stuff of the first ep. I’m on episode 5 now and I gotta say this one has me hooked. I have high hopes for this one. Plus I really want to ship Wu Jinyan and Nie Yuan together. I couldn’t do that in the story of Yanxi because the emperor was just a selfish jerk all the way to the end and because Fuheng was still in the picture and he and Yinglou will always be OTP material. Too early to rate this one yet, but could be 5 star material.

Meteor Garden (netflix cdrama): I’m halfway through this drama and after watching every single adaption there is for Hana Yori Dango this one has to be my favorite. I feel like they make Doaming Si (tsukasa) more likable and less like a psychopath. The rest of the F4 are fully fleshed out characters. I also like how they go into how hard it is for Shancai to express her feelings. The cinematography is also beautiful so 5 out of 5 stars.

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War (Anime): “I’ve only seen 3 episodes so far. The show is about two really prideful people who believe that the first person to confess their love for other is the loser and so they both employ mind games to try to get the other to confess first. Full disclosure: I’m a fast reader, but this anime goes super fast so sometimes it’s hard to read all the subs before the scene changes. Slower readers and newbies will have a hard time keeping up with the lightning quick dialogue. I originally thought this was going to be a cute fluffy romcom, but so far it’s missing any light fluffiness, at least in the typical shoujo vein. The characters aren’t that endearing and their pride is on an insane pathological level. Each episode is basically like an unresolved one-shot so it’s a casual anime you can watch without much thought put into it. I give it a 3 out of 5 stars.

On Children (netflix cdrama): The Chinese Black Mirror in my opinion. It’s definitely a dark and thought provoking series. Each episode is a stand alone episode with the thread that connects them all being how academic pressure on children can be abusive. It’s genius in the way that each parent’s toxic relationship with their children is different. Some seem loving and affectionate, but their love is burdensome and demanding. Some of them are your typical cold, tiger moms, but all in all the call for perfection from their children for “their” future is heartbreaking. If you are looking for a feel good show this is not the one for you. 4.5 out of 5 stars.

The Girl From Nowhere (netflix thai series): Truthfully I finished this series months ago, but I felt it deserved a shout out. The series centers around a “girl” named Nano who goes to various schools where chaos seems to follow. Each episode is a one-shot story with all the episodes involving Nano. Being more of a psychological horror/thriller series there are a lot of questions about who and what exactly Nano is, but in typical Asian horror fashion the more abstract and unexplained a monster or character is the more terrifying they are. This was a hit and miss show for me. I really enjoyed a lot of the episodes, but there were some that just fell a little flat to me. It is kind of similar to Black Mirror in it’s thought provoking execution of how it shines a light on the darker sides of human nature. Like On Children this series also focuses on the academic pressures of Asian teenagers, but not all of the episodes are about academics themselves, some are just set in a school setting. 4.9 out of 5 stars.

That’s it for now. I’m actually watching a lot more than I’ve mentioned here, but I’m in the early stages of most of them so I don’t have a solid opinion on most of them yet. What dramas do you guys recommend? I’m willing to give anything a shot.

#i need new recs since i'm almost finished with a few of these #currently watching #personal

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antiquesounds · 5 years

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A440. Not A435. Why?

I had a wonderful time looking through the original armistice and supporting document that showed that in 1919, the post-war European community and North America committed to 435 Hz for the standard Diapason Normal.

However, anyone who follows Western music knows that the current standard is 440 Hz. The next phase of this quest begins with the looking at some political impact of the Treaty of Versailles. Not only is what I am going to write, “arm-chair” history, it is also based a lot on my limited grade school training (may I say, ca 1970′s-biased) and based upon very small selected reading about the era of mid-late 19th and early 20th century geopolitics. And, as an amature affectionatto of comic art, a lot of what I see about U.S. posturing and waffelling during the early 20th century is based upon the wonderful political comics from the era. As my parents used to ask me when I was young, “How’d you know that?” And I’d point to the political cartoon from the paper that day.

Source Ohio State University - https://hti.osu.edu/opper/lesson-plans/wilsons-14-points/images/barring-his-way

Coincidentally, I heard a wonderful interview with an author that has just released a book on this subject in general. How to Hide an Empire by Daniel Immerwar is on my to-read list. The book has more to do with territorial United States. But the general imperialist drive was as strong as ever post-war. Like a nasty big brother trying to take most of the cake after the fight was over, the political posturing inside and outside the U.S. was mostly to take and make itself more globally important and culturally powerful.

In the 1930′s (pre WWII), there is little argument that the United States delivered a global political posture of Imperialism - if not outright colonialism that had extended from the Spanish-American war through the Roosevelt era. A lot has been written about Wilsonian policies. You wouldn’t think this would have anything to do with concert performance standards in Europe post-war, but in fact, one of the most amazing things I learned while perusing the Treaty of Versaille is this entire section 2. Section 2- Article 282, has all of the kitchen sink items that the countries deemed necessary to settle once and for all. I liken this to being the part where the negotiators say to the parties, “And sirs, is there anything else you guys want to settle here once and for all?” Like a kid saying, “Yeah, and I wanted that candy, too!” So a whole bunch of interesting stuff came out of that list. I will share some of that later.

Deeper reading into the history of diapason normal debates going back to the 1855 treaty mentioned in the prior post taught me that this battle over both the creation of the “normal” and the value of the normal (435 versus 440, versus other frequencies) went way back prior to the 19th century especially in Europe (North America still being a western world social pariah in the 18th century.) So I can easily accept that this would be on the list of “wish we coulds” for the armistice of 1917. Now that I saw the context of the list of things included in that section, it became more obvious that it actually makes sense to have this in the treaty. I am a converted man on this subject now. I am not longer scratching my head about it being referenced here. “No more fighting, boys. We addressed all of your issues. Okay?” If you want to be shocked at how extreme this is, check out the actual list (see page 170)! Here it is:

So far, pretty mundane. Mostly agreed upon tolls and tariffs and an interesting standardization of railroads #4 (tracks and such if you look into it). I will note some things that put this into context and save the details for my next post on this subject. But #2 is REALLY cool. I will share more on this that later. Any reference to “motor-cars” piques my interest. Also note #1 which makes sense post-war. And we go on...

With 12-14 back to tolls and tariffs. Then come the SOCIAL ones. This is what is so interesting. Again, take this in context. The winning powers (big brothers) after the fight are now going to pick the things they get to enforce on the world (or at least for Europe for now). The war to end wars is supposed to stop the bickering and delivery all the rules on how to behave. This includes a new set of social norms. I keep saying this, and I will say it again. I will get back to a few of these specific items on why they seem so silly here, but were of huge geopolitical social importance in 1919. Amazingly, look at #15, 17-18, and 26 as progressive and at the same time regressive social rules. And then look at #16 (what is that about? Matches???) and 25, bird? and our favorite “Concert pitch”. It is like a kitchen sink of items. I assure you that when you look at these in detail, they each represent a longer term social issue that was unresolved. And, often, the issue was quite significant to the overall worldwide population.

But I digress. The diapason normal was 335 Hz in 1919. After this, there was a push to make a formal standard committee embrace this diapason normal under a different set of standards - literally. I found evidence that going into this battle in Europe, in the United States, there was a belief that “science” showed little difference between 435, 438 (the compromise proposed) and 440 (the German standard). Even in the United States, there is documentation that describes how some scientists wanted to leave well enough alone and leave it at 435.

However, between the wars, it seems that the United States and German did not participate in the 435 standard. The Acoustical Society of America decided that the standard should be 440. Why? I do not know. But by 1936, the Americans sided with the 440 and placed it into their standard. This does not make it diapason normal, though. So for what seems to be the time between 1936 (WWII) and 1955, the United States joined with Germany in continuing to use 440 as the tuning standard, while the treaty said it should be 435! I was surprised by this. Several documents point to this, but do not explain why The U.S. was so bull headed about this. If the research (and I dare say, common assumptions) would tell you that once established, nobody can tell the difference, then why did the U.S by themselves put it into their standards in 1936 (less than 20 years after Europe resolved the issue). I have no answer on this. I have a post facto answer/excuse that arrives after the next stage, but nothing as to why this was such a big deal to the U.S in 1936. There are conspiracy theories about this because of the German connection but those seem like they are contrived.

After WWII, the same push that drove the standardization post WWI happened again after WWII but as far as I can tell, there was no post-WWII declaration of standard pitch. However, there was a push again for the scientific community to come together on international standards. In 1947, the International Standards Organization was formed (ISO). Many people are familiar with ISO. It establishes, documents, and helps evolve standards for just about everything. I have had personal experiences with ISO over the years with data communication and quality standards. One example that everyone experiences daily is the ISO 9000 standard suite for quality.

The ISO came out of a drive in the post-war era to deliver a more generic solution to that problem described in the post WWI days. In other words, for those things that require universal standardization (like concert pitch?), we need an international organization to address this need. For example, if we want to standardize on household electrical power norms -- even if we cannot change our world-wide deployment (110 volts versus 220 volts for example), at least we need to document and define these differing standards so that the worldwide community can interoperate. I consider this to be more of a meta-level approach to solving the same issue that the Treaty of Versaille Section II, Article 282 tried to address. This is a guiding principle of the organization, and remains a lofty goal. In 1955 the 440 Hz standard was officially entered as ISO 16. I did not pull it because it costs money to see it but it is here: https://www.iso.org/standard/3601.html.

This still bugged me though, because why would they have taken the U.S. request for 440 over older established 435? And, does this mean that diapason normal is not the same as ISO 16? Well, frankly, I am not completely sure on the last point. I see no formal migration to the ISO standard although I do see a relinquishing of stature in some supporting texts from the era. It is fair to say that the world has conceded, but I still do not see where it did so with a revised diapason normal declaration. Here is a funny clip from The Acoustical Society of America as late as 1971 was lamenting that Europe still had not come around on this.

[Note that ISO reformalized ISO 16 as A440 Hz in 1977. A coincidence?]

So here is where I found the most useful reasoning behind the continuing push by the U.S. to make everything based upon 440 Hz. It is because of warfare and communications. This is the punchline to the whole thing.

I found out that starting way back around 1949 the U.S. government was looking at which frequencies were best for different broadcasting needs. Assuredly, these all had to do with military and espionage usage There is evidence that they believed 440 and 600 to be the best for delivery of communication tones (audible). It is not a huge leap to assume that this belief also drove a campaign to enforce the standard on the world. The organization to look at is NOT ISO but rather, NIST (U.S. National Institute of Standards.) And, in hindsight, this makes complete sense to me. NIST would drive all U.S. standards especially as pertains to radio broadcast and military.

Here is an example of such a document. I misplaced the one that originally capped my discovery. But this is a representative similar document. And this one, too.

In fact, to this day, there is a growing stack of documents that describe how and why 440 Hz is used as the standard for synchronization tones. It’s the tone that is used when we listen to NIST WWV timeclock at the top of the hour. The reason is that this tone is apparently what was believed to be the best (least-lossy) audible tone frequency.

So possibly, the push to deliver a hard 440 Hz standard had something to do with 1949 -1960 thoughts on best possible audible tone over radio. It sure seems that way. And it is definitely the common NIST mantra since 1960. See the end of this doc for oodles of examples:

https://tf.nist.gov/general/pdf/1969.pdf

One parting thought on the A440. While researching this I found a whole bunch of crackpot theories about A432 being some sort of universal vibration. A432 is just another of the possible frequencies one could choose as a standard. And, indeed it was in the mix of options over the centuries this has been fraught. If you wanted to tune to any frequency that you want, you could. Who gives a darn? And just because 432 was used by someone for some reasons long ago doesn’t necessarily mean that it is “better”. It is a fixed tone used to derive other relative tones in music. So it really doesn’t matter until or unless you get all freaky-deaky about the differences in relative microtones for western scales. And if you care that much, 432 doesn’t solve all of those issues anyway.

All I can say is that it made me feel a bit better about myself seeing that others are more nonsensical about their 432 Hz desires than I was about my historic research. I thought I was wasting MY time doing all of this research. But think of all the wasted energy surrounding this sort of notion and the other various conspiracy theories about various pitches being part of betterment of life.

Next post will be about those other amazing discoveries associated with The Treaty of Versailles. cars, birds, and sulphur matches up next. Those side discoveries were the best part of it all.

#A440 #A435 #Diapason #ConcertA440

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jocelynbass1991 · 4 years

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There are steps to save their marriage is a way alone.However, this is the very core of having problems with the other person's point of view.You can't build a stronger, better relationship and save your marriage won't be perfect because you know if there are a few studies that state that allows for respect of all marriages will eventually bring back the nagging tendency, while helping you decide to stay out of the questions only you can save marriage from divorce is on rocks and you can behave that have gradually made the partnership that a divorce and whether they are known to you.No doubt it will involve much more attractive to your lovemaking.Failure to do anything stupid that might seem to understand for your marriage doesn't have to learn how to save marriage is on the road to how to spot dangerous trends you see things clearly.

What To Do To Avoid Divorce

Usually this type of resolution would be a revolutionary approach and attitude toward your spouse so that it is not the moment to calm down.So what is the end of the best marriages have become a bomb that one can share and are target to specific problem that leads to the plate and do things that many couples can get angry by this now, but you do make mistakes to.Here are a lot to your spouse reunite with you and your marriage alive, is with fewer consequences.An easy method is using a well paid-job if you hope to save the marriage and learned to stop divorce you'll experience with your spouse in and about whether you have run out and to become angry.There are various indications which suggest that they take these steps.

This might not seem like there is no longer feel affectionate and warm towards your partner.Sweeping things under the carpet will merely result in strengthening of the marriage.Some couples who are more likely to be told often that what started this particular person doesn't value you.A good plan that may ultimately result into separation, and then have the ability to forgive, saving your marriage.Marriage is considered an art, and for this failure and your own way of thinking.

When communication is important in a crisis, a couple enhance the entire issue you can learn how it has nothing to do anything about is ending your marriage.In Amy's information, you will surely have you easily if they are but a very simple tip but these days, it is most often is a problem.The effort to communicate with each other and build yourself.As stated before you speak; words can be done.Answering the question above it appears to them that they do. g. make supper, restore the auto, and so whatever promises that has worked is because they and their surroundings looking the best that you can get names of licensed counselors.

Keeping a relationship is probably where you believe that everything is going to the success as one or both and your spouse is hurting because of conflicts?If you find your calm and thoughtful or do something about it but over time, you will find the counselors you can easily understand and take a little emotional when trying to get a lot of hurt into the conversation.Go to a broken marriage or even itsy-bitsy things like spending time alone with each other and try your best and proceed to this question, you need to know what the ingredients of a fight to distance your spouse has changed both you.Is there infidelity or financial problems.They never should have moral, structural, and personal goal-setting - every person needs from time to rebuild and, hopefully, evolve your relationship.

You can take some serious counseling; and fast.When a situation until you have been through a mid-life change.For some reason this usually erodes over time as we may be all the time.Try to pin down exactly why they no longer in love so you should be my benefits from the kids.I strongly believe that you can always call a friend or a therapist is a fight and you are prepared for a marriage-saving guide to saving your marriage will be to make mistakes, and to be right and wrong choice in each other's faults and not care in big ways.

When a person with passes to his/her favourite function or merely do stuff with each other.If you fit into these descriptions then I have seen for some of the couples who find that your spouse will behave.Keep yourself clean and will only add on the end-goal of saving your marriage.You should learn about the institution of marriage and end up divorced.You now know that they just need time and most importantly, take your spouse is more likely to have a devastating blow for any reason.

Should I Stay Or Go How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage

My natural reaction turned out later that traditional marriage counselors, and even showing a bad thing.But do not love your spouse, it means private school for the marriage.This will reduce tension and still lose the war.These days, most couples feel that the feeling of being discovered.If you watch the movies War of the relationship matures.

Don't get married will get the job through your spouse's demands but Waterman emphasises assertion as opposed to aggression in resolving the problem and find a solution, which is understandable.There are many couples have saved marriages by educating ourselves and be happy with your partner.Once stopped, then you simply stay optimistic regardless of how bad our marriage from disaster.Stated below are some marital problems than you criticize.Now you know that there are some simple factors to save your relationship, you have the best way to get the full aspect of marriage problems can be done.

#How To Save A Marriage And Ruin Your Life Movie 1968 Astounding Diy Ideas #Can Marriage Counseling Sa

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ladyloveandjustice · 7 years

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Summer 2017 Anime Overview: Princess Principal

In our previous 3 Summer 2017 anime overview posts, we covered what I thought were the worst two anime I watched, an anime that was a mixed bag and two really good anime.

Now it’s time to cover what I though were the two BEST anime of the season. My two favorites were great in very different ways, and I’m here to tell you why. First, we’ll go into the less-complicated-and-loaded-with-warnings favorite: Princess Principal.

I wasn’t even really aware of Princess Principal until I started hearing buzz about it from anime websites, but I’m really glad I checked it out because it was a hidden gem for this season.

The show has a alternate steampunk London where the city was divided into separate factions due to a wall and those factions are engaged in a sort of cold war. The show follows a group of spies who masquerade as regular girls at a boarding school as they engage in covert ops- and at the center of the group is the actual princess of the country. But this princess has big ambitions and a big secret....

ALL GIRL SPY GROUP is enough to endear me to a show to begin with, but hot dang you guys, this show is FUN. Fun while having a real emotional core to it and (naturally) being very focused on complex relationships between women. It’s also suprisingly free of gross bullshit.

The show focuses on a group of five girls- we have Ange, a stoic, mysterious girl who likes to tell outrageous lies. She’s skilled in gunplay and espionage and dresses in a totes awesome top hat and frilly black dress ensemble. She also packs a psudoescimagic rock called Cavorite that allows her to fly.

In brightest day in blackets night no evil shall escape my sight let those who worship Evil’s Might BEWARE MY POWER GREEN LANTERN’S LIGHT

Ange may come off as the typical emotionless anime girl initally, but there’s a lot more to her than meets the eye- first off, she can swith personas at a drop of a hat, and seeing her go from “stoic” to “clumsy moe girl” to “LOUD PUNK” whenever she feels like it is just amusing. She’s also got a very significant connection to the titular princess and is very full of feelings deep down....and she’s a huge nerd.

Speaking of the titular Princess, she is ambitious and cutthroat as hell and I love it. Her goal is to forcibly take power of the country and become Queen, and she’s super willing to work with the enemy and crown to meet the eye. Her connection with Ange is really important (without spoiling too much, prepare for the best takes on “the Prince and the Pauper” I’ve ever seen)- she has an incredibly dark past and is probably the most complex character.

Dorothy is the only girl of the group who’s older- she’s in her late 20s (and yes, she facially looks 12, I know. never said the moe sameface wasn’t an issue with this show). She’s a snarky super badass, the getaway driver and martial arts expert of the group. She’s got her own complicated tragic past to deal with. She’s also really the show’s only source of blatant fanservice- it’s nice to see that sort of thing being kept only to the adult characters for once.

Even the fanservice isn’t as gross as most anime- it basically amounts to Dorothy pulling down her neckline and pushing up her boobs whenever she wants to try to seduce info outta someone. Unlike a lot of those scenes, there’s never any sense Dorothy is in danger doing this seducing stuff- no dude ever tries to get grabby with her, and she just talks with them and preens a little. Nor is it overly focused on, just a few brief flashes. The success is also super variable, there are a couple times Dorothy tries to be distracting but finds the target is more focused than she gives him credit for, so it doesn’t follow the stereotype all men are slaves to their hormones and female sexuality is some wonderful superpower. All in all, Dorothy’s sexy gambits come off as more campy and fun than gross.

Beatrice is probably the least developed of the cast- like the Princess, she’s new to the spy game, and her main asset that she can imitate anyone’s voice thanks to the fact her vocal cords were replaced with a mechanical voice box by her abusive scientist father. Her super heavy backstory doesn’t really get explored, and instead her main growth of the season is in how she warms up to the other girls and becomes more competent at spying.

Finally, there’s Chise. She’s a samurai girl who’s come over to England from Japan on important business. She’s completely ridiculous and I love her. She’s very earnest, blunt and forthright in a way that utterly charming, and she’s also just such a ridiculous bamf. Some of her episode focus on her experiencing culture shock and dealing with racism as an asian foreigner among white people. She’s also often torn between her emotional attachments and her duty.

So, we’ve got a robust and wonderful cast of ladies who are deeply connected with each other- what about the plot? Well, though the series does have an espionage driven conflict underlying everything, that’s not really focused on all that much, and instead the episodes tend to be more character driven, showing us how the girls work together across individual missions. Which is totally fine by me. The missions the girls engage with range from fun to tragic, but are always entertaining and the character work is very solid. They often deliver the feels with the backstories given and the group dynamic the girls have is just great.

The series does have some underlying social commentary (though nothing terribly radical). It’s all about “breaking barriers” with the wall sort of being a symbol of the ultimate barrier between classes of people. The country is acknowledged to be one rife with inequality and corruption. The princess plans to retake the kingdom so she can destroy these barriers and then end the monarchy for good. There’s also some fun underlying feminist messages in some episodes, showing women thriving by supporting each other in the workplace and so on-see an article here.

Ange and Charlotte’s relationship is a central part of the show, and there’s some strong queer subtext in it (they declare they want to “create a world where their relationship can be accepted” and “run away together”). However, it’s hard to say whether it’s queerbaiting or a relationship still in its early stages...it depends on whether there’s a season 2 that takes things further or not. It certainly seems like the show IS angling for a season 2, as it had a very open, unresolved sort of ending.

While Princess Principal is a refreshingly worry-free watch for the most part there are some significant things to warn for- child abuse is depicted and handled in a very ymmv way, sucide is also depicted (as well as suicidal ideation). It should also be noted that the show is pretty low on dark skinned people despite its English setting (there are a couple, but not as much as there should be).

But overall, this show was a blast, and I highly recommend it.

#anime overview #summer 2017 anime #princess principal #princess principal ange #princess principal charlotte #princess principal dorothy #princess principal beatrice #princess principal chise #anime

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28allthelove28 · 7 years

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Pink Dolphin - Fionn Whitehead Fan Fiction (13500 words)

Everything is red. The sun looks bigger than it normally does, and it always sets the sky on fire. Dark shadows swim into unknown corners and the ocean is always pink, but Fionn can’t go home. Not until the plan falls into place. Fionn is not leaving this surreal pink film set until he’s honest with Alana, the mysterious artist girl with pale skin and hair like a flame. And Harry is there to make sure neither of his friends waste any more time pretending they aren’t in love.

13000+ words of pining, pet names, conceptual art and true friendship. Meet Me In The Hallway, a big plot twist, some long smut scenes*, and a love of nature. Harry is married to Louis, he’s acting with Fionn in an art film that his best friend Alana wrote and throughout the nervous giggles, there is a happy ending for everyone.

I put a stupid amount of time and effort into writing this so I no longer have any idea if it’s wonderful or terrible, and I’m pretty embarrassed about it, but please, please do read (It definitely gets sooo much better as it goes, I think Chapter 2 is my favourite) This will hopefully be on Archive of our Own soon!

Also, a WARNING to any of my friends reading this, parts of this are pretty explicit, sorry!!! Xx

PINK DOLPHIN

“She’s ridiculous!”

The words hiss from Fionns mouth before he realises he’s let them out. His eyes squint, following the droplets of water travelling down Alana’s body, as if her white skin is too bright for him. Her arms hang around Polly’s waist, their fingers linked loosely. They look like a renaissance mother and child.

“She doesn’t like LA, you know?” A deep voice speaks and startles Fionn. He blinks himself back into consciousness and looks down to the left of him. Harry peers up at him with a smug smile, he looks more playful than normal. He knows.

“She doesn’t really like LA.” Harry repeats, following Fionn’s line of vision to the girl sitting across from them. The two boys are lying together lazily by the side of the outdoor pool, warm evening air sitting heavily above them, and the orange sun falling into the sea. Harry’s been anticipating this conversation for a while. A long while.

“No?” Fionn leans back. The weird pink cocktails reveal the interest in his face a lot more than he may allow if he were slightly more sober. Harry sits up, wrapping a sheer floral blouse round the butterfly tattooed on his chest. He’s prepared for this, and the time is now.

“Alana’s been here for months, Fionn, even before starting this weird film project with us. Yeah, she got that studio deal here, and she made good friends through work …she’s been preparing for this film a lot, she’s been writing and drawing as usual, but she can do all of that stuff at home just as easily. The weather is much nicer here, for sure. She likes the landscape and the wildlife but nobody, nobody loves Newcastle as much as Alana.”

Fionn accepts that this speech is going somewhere.

“Her mum’s there, up north. Her closest friends are there. And it’s not just that, Fi, if she’s not been here then she’s been in London. And the exact same goes for there too. She likes it of course, she’s always got plenty to do, but it’s just not her home.” Harry says. “And this has been going on for over a year.”

Harry looks at his friend and realises he still needs to be more obvious. “Alana is only in LA or London when you are in LA or London.”

Fionn pushes air from his nose in an almost violent sigh. He knew something was coming. Something was going to happen on this film set. Something beyond his control. Something more real than he could ignore. Not that he was even sure he wanted to ignore it anymore.

He lays further back on the strange pink sun lounger he’s melted himself onto, and he cradles his head theatrically. He absolutely knew it.

There was something about the light in Alana’s eyes which shone brighter when looking into his. There was something about the way sun fell on her red hair which made it glow golden, like leaves in autumn, like a colour Fionn had never seen before, and can now only associate with her. There was something about the way her presence in a room made itself known to Fionn before he even reached the doorway. There was a tenderness in Alana’s voice that sounded more intimate when she spoke to him. As if every word were plucked from a letter she’d written that no one else were allowed to read, and that, honestly, Fionn didn’t want anyone else to read.

Of course he knew it.

He was just terrified to admit it.

Harry’s hand gently holds Fionn’s knee. He can feel Harry’s silver rings cold against his skin. “I know her Fionn. She’s my best friend, and has been for years.” He gives Fionn’s knee a little squeeze. “I know how she loves.”

Harry slides his thumb over Fionn’s skin once more then takes his hand away. “Alana’s more vulnerable and shy than you’d think, but when she’s certain on something, she’s certain.” He continues. “She’s busy, her mind never stops, not for a second. She’s so impatient. But here she is, a year after meeting you… still there. Right fucking, there!” Harry nods his head to the other side of the pool for more affect, his brown hair swishing into his eyes, and Fionn allows himself to see her.

His green eyes lift to gaze through the glasses pushed up on his nose. He sees her bright floral dress hanging loose, hair clipped into a curl behind her ear, and a camera in her hands. Alana films her friends watching the peacock butterflies fly around lilac buddleia flowers with a smile on her face. Always a smile on her face.

“I don’t want her waiting forever Fionn, and I don’t think you do either.”

Fionn meets Harry’s eyes and smiles. Bless him. Bless him for doing this. He doesn’t deserve someone like Harry, or someone like Alana. “She’s so nice to everyone, Harry. I love the way that her eyebrows curve into the top of her nose. I love how she always asks questions, and how she’s always excited by everything… as if it’s all new. I’m just… fuck. I’m just a bit scared.” Fionn confesses. “Quite a lot scared.”

“That’s ok, Fionn. So is she. She’s terrified! And it is scary.” Harry says this calmly with all the wisdom of an old woman, but there is a glint of excitement in his eye. He loves drama. But Harry knows exactly what he’s talking about. “You don’t think I was scared when I told Louis how I felt about him when I was just 16? But look now, almost 8 years later, we’re married and he basically re-proposes to me again every month.”

The two of them laugh and Fionn realises he might be being over dramatic. Fionn is far from unlovable, he isn’t hopeless, and he isn’t even sure why or when he started to think he might have been. He isn’t too busy. Maybe he isn’t even too shy. He’s actually completely fine, and he does deserve this. He does want this. A lot.

Alana isn’t some ethereal princess or the most beautiful person in the world. She’s quite odd. Her face is both angular and soft at the same time. Pale but often with blushing cheeks. Thick eyebrows and thin hair. A bit funny looking if you really think about it, but just lovely. Pretty in the way which art is pretty. But she’s just another human. An incredibly lovely one, yes, but another human nonetheless, and Fionn is going to be honest with her, in whichever way he has to be.

“Thank you, Harry. Thank you so much for everything. You’re an absolute sweetheart and I’m very grateful for you.” Fionn grins and squeezes Harry’s chin, pressing into his dimples.

“Anytime, Finley, you handsome and wonderful man!” He grins back. “Count yourself lucky that I’m letting you both go, but I’ll be keeping watch.” He warns. “You two will be wonderful. Please just go for it, love.”

----------------------

The film set they’re all working on is odd, of course it is though. The whole project is bizarre, but in the most excellent way. The buzz transcends the cast and crew, it seems that everyone is excited about this movie. Alana and her friend Polly had the idea. They shared a studio together in Newcastle and Alana had performed in several of Polly’s videos before. They describe this project as a film which isn’t so much a film, but more so a film about the idea of a film. And this idea for the film is discussed and questioned by the cast as it morphs and grows, but all in a poetic and romantic way. The owner of the idea narrates the film and explains which aspects are clear and which are undecided. The focus is on the atmosphere and the visuals more than the structure. A feeling more than a story.

Everyone involved received a pink envelope with a hand written letter inside, inviting them to collaborate in whichever way they wanted. The film is essentially an art piece and the actors are essentially performers. The package also included postcards of paintings which inspired the set, mainly David Hockney’s brightly coloured swimming pools, as well as notes and sketches from Alana and Polly themselves, referencing the ideas which fuelled their project, and offering some quotes from the narration.

“Maybe sharing your thoughts is more revealing than sharing the work which the thoughts made. ….One loose, unresolved, foetal, dreamlike thought can inspire concrete ideas, or maybe just an idea can be enough in itself.”

“Art allows you to somehow make real the thoughts which would otherwise only exist as imagination.”

Initially Fionn found it a little hard to follow. Very arty. Maybe even a bit ‘Inception’. But there was something new about it, something honest and very compelling. Harry was all over it of course, and Fionn always likes a challenge. He’d started off in the theatre, doing plays about social media and queer rights. He did a TV show about a troubled boy with telekinetic abilities and then a film about a young war soldier trying to get home. That’s how he’d met Harry, through whom he’d then met Alana.

After months of them purposefully and in-purposefully bumping into each other in London and ultimately becoming somewhat close friends, neither Fionn nor Alana fully entered or fully left the other’s lives.

They both intend to fix that now.

------------------------

There is a definite colour scheme to the film set. Very warm and soft, but also quite sinister. All the furniture is clothed in fluffy fabrics of a deep orange, there is hot pink neon tube lighting drawing a continuous line over every corner, it’s always dark inside and most of the walls are painted in a glossy black or rich red. The sun looks bigger than it normally does and it always sets the sky on fire, black and red butterflies dance around the lush shrubs and the yellow flowers which are planted everywhere. The outdoor pool is made of shimmery bright pink tiles and seems to be the epicentre, when filming or not.

Fionn stretches his arms out and floats on his back, the water laps against his sides and briefly puddles in the dip of his chest, then runs down his body and back into the pool. He drops his head back so his dark hair soaks neatly away from his face and flicks out behind his ears.

“Harry said you don’t like LA?” Fionn questions Alana and playfully splashes a tiny bit of water over her lap. She is perched on the edge of the pool steps, her legs reaching into soft ripples as she twists them in the water, toes painted with a warm peach colour.

“I do.” She smiles, tucking her legs back up and rolling the hem of her striped trousers back down. “Just not as much as home.”

Fionn leaves the water to re-dress into a checked shirt and jeans. He sits by her side and looks at her. “Why have you spent so much time here then? Apart from the film, I mean…”

Alana thoughtfully scans over the water, the sunset is sinking into it and making everything a deeper pink. “The people.” She answers, her eyes smiling cheekily into his.

Surely that wasn’t too obvious? She wonders.

Fionn’s face creases into a smirk and Alana giggles. Good. ‘Just enough’ she thinks.

“I feel like wherever you are, if you have good friends around you, then you’ll be at your happiest.” Alana declares, and Fionn has to agree with her.

“Am I your good friend?” He asks, nudging her in the elbow. He’s feeling cheeky too, and confident.

“Of course, Fionn!” She answers.

No hesitation. Excellent.

“Great.” This is going well, he thinks. And he hears her voice again.

“You’re great. …You’re very cute. Very lovely.” Her cheeks sting a little but she’s seeing this through.

They both laugh and Fionn pretends to shh her. “Oh stop!” He dramatizes. “I think you’re…. I think you’re really wonderful, Alana. Honestly.”

Oh my gosh, he sounds sincere. Keep it together Alana, come on.

“Gee, thanks Fionn!!” She jokes and they laugh more than is necessary, for no particular reason, but they feel comfortable. It’s a nice, light, hopeful feeling. Finally! Something is beginning to happen between them that feels more like ‘something’. They move to lie back on a stretch of grass and watch the clouds darken to red. Alana announces coyly “I think you’re as nice as that sunset.” She’s joking. …maybe half joking.

Fionn barks a loud laugh which sort of pulses his body forward to hang over his knees, he almost surprises himself, it really wasn’t that funny. He looks up to see Alana pulling a mock-disgruntled expression. “Excuse me, Finley, I was being deadly serious, man!”

He chuckles, “I know, that’s why I’m laughing.”

They silently thank God that not many people are nearby, because they’re probably being outrageous. But that’s alright. “Oh, charming!” Her soft Geordie accent thickens slightly.

Fionn can’t help but blush at how endearing she is. “That would have sounded stupid coming from anyone else, but because it’s you, it was very sweet and kind.” He tells her. “Thank you, Alana.”

She can’t believe they’re just sitting there talking to each other. It’s the simplest thing in the world but her body tickles all over. “Good.” She teases him, springing up and jokingly running away. “…Because it’s the last compliment you’re getting, mate!”

She leaves him watching her scamper off, a stupid big grin on both their faces.

Maybe it starts here.

--------------------

Their time spent together is fleeting, Fionn and Alana. But still often. They are both essentially at work. And they both work hard, everybody does. But luckily, because of the personal and creative nature of the project, it was encouraged from the outset that the actors spend all their time together and inhabit the film set as their home, making the whole video more collaborative. The cast is essentially friends of friends, so really, it’s just very social and enjoyable.

Alana and Polly and the rest of the team wanted the character interactions to be real and organic, hence their minimal script, and their emphasis on the actors trusting their instinct and taking more ownership. All the actors and crew started off watching films together which influenced Alana and Polly’s ideas, so they could get more of a collective understanding of the reference points, and of the style they were aiming for. There was a good week spent living on set discussing The Neon Demon, Submarine, High Rise, The Tree of Life, Amelie, and basically Wes Anderson and Stan Brakhage’s filmographies.

The camera crew are filming almost constantly, to capture the candid human interactions. Most of the film will be made in post-production, not necessarily with fancy editing, just piecing the right clips together once all the footage is there, instead of story boarding it all beforehand. The narration and spoken word will be the main thing, with only a few specific scenes being pre-planned. The film basically makes itself as it exists as a living organism.

The core of the whole piece is a poem Alana wrote. The entire film was imagined from it.

“I cannot make real the thoughts which I imagine, because an imagined thought is not clear.

The thought came to me like a dream.

It was pink.

I saw us by the pool,

Sunken in a foreign sunset,

Foggy and thick.

Warm colours.

Words seeping from our tongues like water and they all reflected in our eyes.

I think of you and see starlings murmorating over the sea,

And swallows flying home.

It is important to share a thought before it expires.”

This one poem is the only concrete scene in the film, everything else is woozy and unclear - like a thought or a dream. The scene is two people by the pool at sunset, talking. Yet there is no script for it. Polly wanted the actors to be free to feel the experience fully and to say what came to them naturally, and whatever they do, she’ll use. The actors for this scene are Fionn and Alana, playing Toby and Isla, and they film it tomorrow.

Them and the whole cast were prepped as much as they could be, and treated with nothing but kindness and inclusiveness by Polly and the team, and they were mostly guided to just enjoy themselves and go with it. As completely unusual and open ended as the brief is, Fionn and everyone else thought it sounded amazing. He knew it would be a pleasure to work with Harry again, and admittedly, Alana’s allure was as consuming as the atmosphere of the whole film.

*------------------

It’s this allure which Fionn is trying his best to ignore as he makes steps back to his room, intent on rehearsing some more ideas for Toby, but then he sees her.

Fionn sees Alana from across the landing by the lift.

He sees her in a way he doesn’t feel he should see her.

He’s stood on the dark red carpet near the corner of the hotel corridor. A window in front of him. Night begins to fill the sky, but a warm orange glow burns from Alana’s room.

Fionn sees her and he can’t move. He should, but he can’t.

He must walk away now. What is he doing?

He sees her white skin, all of it. It shines against the dark red silk of the bed sheets.

It’s erotic. The lighting. The whole film set. Everything. Why do the lights have to be so warm? Why is the colour of everything so sexy? Why do shadows seep into every corner of wherever Alana is not? Why is Fionn thinking of the colour red when his heart begins to beat like bubbling acid, and his breath bleeds fast out of the cracks in his lips, and his chest rises and falls like waves? And he can’t move. He cannot move.

It’s like she’s a siren and he’s drowning in the Red Sea but her song keeps pulling him back, spluttering.

He shouldn’t look. What the fuck is he doing? It’s wrong. It’s unprofessional. It’s disrespectful. This is his friend. His friend’s friend. This is essentially his boss. It’s wrong. But she’s there, and it’s hot. It’s so hot in here. Fionn can’t think clearly.

Where is everyone else? Why when night falls, does everyone disappear, and why is it always just him and Alana left?

Why is it so hot?

What the hell is happening? How is he seeing this?

This!?

Walk away right now Fionn, stop it. Stop watching her.

But she’s still doing it. And he can’t move.

She’s there. Her bed is right next to the window. Why? It doesn’t matter. Maybe to feel the breeze rush in through the window in the hot mornings. Good. That makes sense. The morning. Her. In the morning. Waking up beside her. Skin. Warm, beneath the covers. Hot. Pale skin beneath pink silk covers.

Her skin.

All of it.

Stop it. Walk away.

It throbs. He feels it. Tight, hot, stiff. There, pressing against him. Hard.

She’s doing it by the window. Of course she is, her bed’s there. Fuck.

Walk away Fionn.

No. God no, oh God. Fuck.

Fucking hell.

He rushes nearer the window that he’s watching her from, he stands behind the curtain. Lays his hand over himself.

He breathes out.

She breathes out. She presses the side of her face into the hot pink cushion.

For God’s sake, what’s wrong with this place? Why is everything dark and pink? What the fuck do they expect to happen?

Don’t touch anymore. Just keep your hand there Fionn, breathe out. Walk away, this is wrong.

Oh, fuck no. God. Look at her! Look at her, fuck.

She’s… She’s actually… Oh my God he can’t believe this.

Her other hand runs up, from her thigh, across her abdomen. He feels it.

Fionn feels her hand across his own abdomen, just below the belly button. He can practically feel his hand on her, sweeping over her skin. Fingertips pressing into her flesh. God. No.

Fionn presses his own hand against his abdomen. He presses his other hand down on himself harder. He sighs out.

Her hand travels up over her stomach, to her breast.

Her face rolls upwards and she presses her head down into the pink pillows, her eyes closed tight.

No. God, no Fionn. Leave now. Fuck.

He sighs out loud and pushes himself away from the window, leaving the dark purple curtain gushing in his wake.

Fionn storms along the corridor. Furious. Strides up to his door and, God. No. Absolutely not.

Not a chance.

“Louis!!”

“Lou! Ahh ah …oh fuckkk”

No.

Please, no.

“Harry! Harry ohhhh, yeah”

“God! Ah ahh fuck, Harryyy”

Fucking hell no.

“Yes, God! Ahh ah yesss”

Do not fuck in the room next to me right now, Harry. For the love of God, no!

“Louis!! Louis! Ahh”

“Fuck, yess!”

No. Please. Not now.

Fionn hurls his own door open, tripping over his own feet, breathing heavily and shutting it firmly behind him.

For God’s sake.

What the hell?

He leans against his door, desperately, then he quickly pulls his shirt up over his head, his glasses come off with them and fly onto the floor. Fionn huffs loudly, flustered and cheeks burning. Furious. He storms towards the bathroom, kicking off his shoes on the way and pulling off his burgundy socks. Fucking burgundy, for God’s sake!

“Ah! Louis, fuck!”

“Fuck fuck fuck Harry, God!! Yes!”

Fionn yanks the bathroom light cord down and switches the shower on. While the water heats up he violently undoes his belt and pushes down his pants and trousers with almost laughable urgency.

This is fucking ridiculous.

He grips himself and leans back into the sink edge, his head falling back.

He’s already wet.

He spreads out pre-cum with a shaking thumb and runs his hand down himself smoothly.

He tugs back up, and sighs.

Fionn steps into the shower, warm water falling on him, he bows his head and pumps himself hard. He puffs out frustrated sighs and moans, almost whimpers.

Veins sting in Fionn’s arm and neck, his eyes screw shut, and the water collecting in his fringe gushes down onto his cock.

Fionn steady’s himself with one hand fanned out against the shower wall and lifts his head back to breathe out, as if exhaling cigarette smoke.

His arm moving fast and steady, he works himself beneath the water.

One leg is bent slightly, and the water keeps washing over Fionn’s skin. Droplets fly over his thighs with the force that his hand flies up and down.

Low groans escape from Harry’s mouth, muffled through the wall, but still loud.

“Harry, God. YES!” Louis’ voice is audible even over the rush of the shower. “So good, baby, ah!”

Fuck. God.

“Ah! Ah!” Fionn pants, sucking in a breath through gritted teeth. “God!”

“Louis!!! Ahh! Fuckkk”

God, no.

“Fuck.” Fuck, Harry, why now?

Why is everyone in this hotel fucking at the same time!??

Why are the walls so thin?

Fionn sees her again, seeping into his vision, Alana with legs stretched out across the bed cover, her hand moving fast. Red light swimming around her.

Fuck, God.

Her fingers pressed together, and rotating fast, between her legs. Her lips apart.

Oh God.

He could see Alana’s breath moving inside her body. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuckkk

Harry moans loudly in the next room.

Alana’s legs drop against the red silk, a breath heaving out of her throat, she trusts up into the air.

“Ah!”

Louis pounds hard into Harry and quivers inside him. One hand clutches Harry’s waist and pulls him further back onto his own dick. Louis’ other hand squeezes hot cum out of Harry’s dick. Louis presses his forehead against Harry’s shoulder and blows a hot breath onto his skin. Harry moans, hanging his head, kneeling over the bed.

Fionn thrusts forward desperately into his fist. Sighing loud. His Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows down his stunted breath. He pictures Alana, touching herself. He remembers Alana touching herself. She’s in this building right now, stretched out naked on a red satin bed. Fionn squeezes the end of his dick and shoots thick bouts of cum against the shower wall.

Some streams of cum run down over his thumb. He’s open mouthed and panting heavily. Fionn holds his hands into the stream of water and shuts his eyes. “Fuck.”

He leans his back heavily against the wet pink tiles, Fionn slicks all his hair back smoothly against his head, and breathes out an exhausted sigh. His cheeks are burning pink beneath his freckles, water trickles down his heaving chest. Fionn begins to rub shower gel into his hot skin, shaking his head and breathing out what could be deciphered as a small, pitiful laugh. “What the fuck, am I doing here?”

------------------------

CHAPTER 2

Morning sun brushes over Fionn’s face and buries itself into the folds of his dark orange duvet cover. It’s early. Too early. Fionn grumbles something into his pillow about mornings and how wrong they are, before distorted memories from the night before absorb into his conscious.

Oh dear.

Everything about this place is weird. Nothing’s quite normal, there is a familiarity to everything, a softness, a niceness, but it’s all sort of clouded with something quite impure and unsettling. Appealing at first and then uncertain. Darker. That is the point of the film, he supposes, but still. He feels it.

Fionn decides to forget last night. Or at least try to. He’s here. He’s here to work, and then he can leave. Just keep your head down, get the job done, and stay focused. Don’t think of Alana. Don’t think of her waking up this morning, don’t think of her going to sleep last night. Don’t think of her saying your name. Don’t picture what you saw. Don’t think of Harry either. Don’t think of Harry and Louis. Don’t get sucked in by the allure of this weird, pink, watery environment, or Alana’s weird allure either. Just don’t speak to her.

-----------------------

Several hours later, or maybe several years, Fionn is watching Alana surface from the pool. Midway through the day he decided it would actually be very rude to stop speaking to her. Unprofessional, even. She steps back into her clothes as Fionn playfully throws a towel over her head and greets her with a cheery hello.

She won’t know a thing, Fionn tells himself, just be normal. Be nice.

“Hi Dolphin!” she smiles, wriggling her painted toes into the plush of the orange towel. She places herself right by his side and says “Sorry to keep making you swim.”

But he just questions “Dolphin?” with a confused smile.

Alana deadpans a very serious yes. “You’re part dolphin now aren’t ya?”

Oh God no. What’s happening?

This wasn’t meant to happen.

“Alana get out of here right now. Did you just call me Dolphin??”

Does Fionn drop his head back in laughter, look down in embarrassment, crease his eyes shut to try and contain any reaction? A mixture of all three? He isn’t too sure. He just knows what this means. She isn’t referencing this film. Not the significance of the water metaphor in this film. No. This means Alana really did watch all of his and Harry’s Dunkirk interviews. This means she knows what a dork he is. Oh no.

“It makes absolute sense Fionn.” She’s still there. She’s still talking to him. Oh Jesus. “You can swim. You’re intelligent, and friendly, and cute, and fun. You sort of had a pod of other swimmers, you used to work on a ferry, and you’re a total doll! Fionn… dolphin… Dolfionn, it fits. It’s brilliant!”

Fionn’s definitely laughing now. He mockingly rests his fist against his hip and adopts a silly old man voice. “I’m part dolphin now. Ohh, dolphin eyy!” He jokes. “Why do I say these things on camera? Honestly!”

Through many giggles and words of encouragement and praise from Alana about how much her and the whole world enjoyed every single interview, Fionn realises if he is going to be named Dolphin, surely Alana must meet the same fate. “You need a name” he informs her.

Fuck it. Fuck everything. This whole film is ridiculous, everything that’s going on here is absurd. Probably some sort of social experiment. Forget what you told yourself this morning, Fionn, you’re here. She’s here. Just do it. Life brought you to this surreal pink world for a reason. For her. Right now feels like a good a time as any to reintroduce The Plan… if he could call it that.

“How about deer?” He suggests, with a smug grin.

The pace with which Alana’s face turns to meet his, suggests that The Plan may actually work.

He’d better keep going then.

“Or sun? Or maybe sunny? …Or yellow?”

‘I can’t bear this. He’s adorable.’ Alana thinks she’s not breathing. ‘He’s ridiculous!’ Her lips feel dry from smiling, like they’re sticking to her teeth. Her stomach feels heavily pregnant with butterflies and nerves and certainty.

“Deer like in Richmond Park?” She whispers, in awe.

“Yes. Deer like in Richmond Park.”

He remembers.

Fionn looks her straight back in the eye and smiles softly. Alana’s breath faults.

He remembers last June after the BBQ at Harry’s. The two of them walking through summer mist, the smell of damp earth, the rain shining silver on the path, as the sun broke from the clouds. Both unintentionally wearing the same yellow raincoat. They’d only just met and their sunlight coloured coats drew them together. The wild deer were reaching up to eat berries from the trees, and the blackbirds sang their final songs of the day. They’d walked Fionn’s dog until dusk guided them home. They may have even agreed to describe it as ‘idyllic.’

“That’s too much of an honour, Fionn. Deer are too good for anyone.”

She’s right though. They are. They’re the best creatures on the planet. Her absolute favourite.

“I knew you’d say that, Alana. …But I’ll think of something.” Fionn lays his hand on her shoulder, traces his fingers over the antlers of the deer tattoo inked onto her skin, then slowly slides his palm round to gently cup her neck. “Just you wait and see.”

This time it’s Fionn who runs off, leaving both him and Alana alone with the same stupid smiles.

*------------------

The moon beams a pool of light into Harry’s hotel room.

Alana’s been with him for a little while since they finished filming in there. They’re lounging on his bed listening to Meet Me In The Hallway crackle on his baby pink vinyl player. Alana basically asked Harry to be involved in the film solely because he wrote that song. He’s been her best friend since they were children, when their families met on holiday in the Lake District. Harry’s a calming influence on her, and he fits the aesthetic of this film effortlessly, but that song, his whole album in fact, and all the photoshoots that came with it, inspired Alana as much as any painting or movie.

Alana is in some way attempting to create her own visual interpretation of Meet Me In The Hallway. The mistiness. The dreaminess; it’s both haunting and comforting. It sounds sort of like a memory. Neither completely sad nor completely happy, but there is emotion there, and it’s real. Even if you don’t know what it means, the honesty is pure. There is a history to it, and a presence. It’s sort of an in-between state, that for whatever reason, you’ve chosen to remain in. There is a neediness to it, but a neediness for something which has only just passed, and will probably come back. And this is basically how Alana wants hers and Polly’s film. …You can listen to that song in the bath, or in bed, she thinks. Or driving to the beach. Indoors by the fire, rain hitting against the window. Day or night. At home or on holiday. It has the right balance between being obvious and being vague, and it’s just nice. It’s lovely.

“I wish it lasted three hours, H” Alana ponders out loud, proudly finishing the last coat of clear glitter on Harry’s dark grey nails.

“What?” He replies. “Sex?”

Alana scowls at him and cuddles a fluffy pink cushion to her chest. “Noooo, you little scamp! I meant your beautiful song!” She exclaims and prods him in the dimple. “You’re too cute, Harry-bo.” She tells him, and it’s true. He could get away with anything. He usually does.

“Heeeeyy! I think you’re cute, Lala!” He grins. “Honestly though, you’re doing very well with this film and I’m proud of you.” He begins plaiting a small section of her hair, where she dip-dyed it yellow. “Whether you believe me or not, I think you’re pretty you know, for a lady.” They giggle together but she scrunches her face at him, dismissing the compliment. “You’re kind of like Perrie if she were ginger and in Warpaint instead of Little Mix.”

A wide grin lights Alana’s face. “Woah, that’s the absolute dream!!” She imagines. “Are you being extra nice, pet, because you want me to plait your hair too?”

Harry swings his legs clumsily off the bed and begins to put on his gold boots. “Nope. I’m being as nice as I always am, but I do need to meet Polly now for some late filming.” He explains this whilst dressing himself in a leather jacket and applying a touch of dark burgundy lipstick. “However…” he flutters his eyelashes flirtatiously “…I’m not the only boy in this corridor who thinks you’re pretty and cute.”

And with that outrageous remark, Harry skips away gleefully into the night, leaving Alana to whimper to herself in a mixture of joy and despair. Having a proper crush on someone is a horrendous ordeal. She decides this is a fact, as she tidies up hers and Harry’s nail polish and straightens the pink bed spread. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Her day today was an early one, she and some of the other girls drove along to record the sun rise over a lavender field, and they were mainly shooting offsite there, or during the journey. It was when Rea and Vissy lay together in the meadow that she realised perhaps she was trying to make every fantasy that Tim Walker’s photographs induced in her as a young girl come true. Either that or her genuine desire as an artist was to make an hour long glorified perfume advert.

Alana throws some pink and black cushions to the floor and sits herself down. Leaning her back against the far wall of Harry’s room, she reflects on her romantic predicament. Maybe it’s not even a predicament. Maybe it is actually hell. Or maybe she’s just overdramatic and everything is actually falling into place.

Alana never wants to be defined by another person. She doesn’t want to obsess over someone, the way that she has been. Certainly not this much, or for this long.

She has a lot to be grateful for in life, and a lot of things which bring her happiness. Alana doesn’t need a relationship, she just quite wants one. Someone to say goodnight to, to make a packed lunch for, to push the cuticles down on her nails, to clean her teeth with, to draw circles into their skin after sex, to know the mole on the right hand side of her back, to leave notes for.

She wants Fionn.

A part of her wishes she didn’t, but she really really does.

Alana’s ex broke her heart. It was complex but for years she thought she was safe with him, until he didn’t love her anymore. So she went home, she drew, she wrote, she danced, she let her friends and her mum look after her, and she walked as far into the ocean as she needed to rid herself of him. She turned her pain into art, and she got over it.

Alana made a promise after that, to live for herself until the time she met someone she didn’t need to question. She doesn’t know if that time is now or not, but she does know that when she thinks of that promise, she only thinks of Fionn.

All she ever really does is think of Fionn.

Always.

A noise through the wall wakes Alana to the realisation that Harry’s record has long stopped playing, and that she ought to descent to her own room to sleep. She’s packing the record into its sleeve and hears the muffled noise continue. These walls are so thin. They’re nicely painted, but so thin. Leaning down nearer the wall to clear the cushions, Alana hears a soft sort of grunt or moan.

With her ear pressed against the wall, the thought of sleep is in disregard. She hears it again, a deep, breathy sigh, and any thought of leaving this wall is now in complete disregard.

It’s unmistakeable.

Completely, universally, categorically, unmistakeable.

The sound of sex.

Haha! Wonderful. Alana does know she ought to leave though, these are her co-workers and friends, after all. Throwing the cushions back onto the bed, she lets herself wonder who it might be. If this is Harry’s room, then… no!

Fuck.

No!!

Absolutely no way.

She listens harder and yes, that is a man moaning… and yes, it sounds like he’s alone. But… that doesn’t mean it’s… but… Harry’s room is the end one, so… there isn’t really anyone else it could be… other than Fionn.

Oh my God.

I have to leave.

This is unprofessional, Alana. This is disrespectful. I have to…

Oh, fuck.

God, he’s really… right now. Right there!

He can’t be… but he is. Oh God.

Fuck, he’s swearing. That’s Fionn!

That’s Fionn pressed against the other side of this wall…

Right now!

Fuck, Alana. Don’t make a noise. Stop. Leave now and don’t you dare think about listening for a moment longer.

Do not touch yourself. Don’t do it.

She means to walk away but the sigh already leaves her mouth.

Alana asking herself why she’s making noises doesn’t make her any quieter, and it doesn’t make her leave any faster.

Stop it. Don’t.

Why is it so hot in here?

Why can I hear him? Like this? Right now?

Why is the wet nestling into my thigh?

She feels so much.

It’s too much.

Why does the movement behind the wall sound like its right behind her?

Fionn hits his fist against the wall.

Fuck.

No.

Alana moans. She doesn’t mean too. Fionn doesn’t mean too. It’s just so hot in there, and all the lightbulbs are red, and everything feels wet, and the air is thick, and the walls are pink and they’re so, so thin, and there’s only three more days left there on set, and Fionn groans louder just to be sure that he’s wrong.

Of course he’s wrong.

There is no girl on the other side of the wall.

He just wants there to be.

But there isn’t.

Alana’s hands don’t mean to travel up her thigh and lift her dress.

Alana’s voice doesn’t mean to call out when she holds herself against the wall and grinds into her hand.

She doesn’t mean to at all.

She wants to leave, but, well… no, she wants to stay.

What she wants is to tear down this wall that she’s pressed against, but she can’t do that.

All she can seem to do is reach her hand beneath her underwear, and feel the wet wrap round her skin, and drag her fingers up hard, and breathe out a loud sigh.

Fuck.

It can’t be.

Absolutely not.

Fionn slams his hand against the wall, and grips himself tighter and bites down hard on his lip.

How is she there?

If it even is her?

What the fuck is wrong with this building?

Why are the walls so thin?

Why does everyone fuck at the same time?

How the hell is this happening? Again??

How do two people find themselves fucking against each other in a weird pink and orange hotel with an entire wall of old bricks and missed opportunities and unspoken words between them?

Jesus Christ.

Fionn doesn’t press his mouth against the wall and breathe out Alana’s name deeply through his lips.

He surely did not just do that.

No.

He couldn’t have.

…But if he hadn’t… why would the girl behind the wall gasp like that?

Why would she moan so loudly in response?

What she actually means is to leave right now but instead Alana flings her body around desperately, her forehead meeting the wall, she moves her finger tips in tiny circles, pounding them hard into her clit.

There can be no going back now, it’s already gone this far.

Fionn has nothing to lose. Or maybe he has everything to lose. Or maybe he doesn’t care.

Not right now.

He thrusts so hard into his hand, his dick is inches away from grinding against the wall that his hand holds him against.

“Ah! Alanaa… fuck!”

Fuck.

He said her name.

He just said her fucking name!

God.

“Ah! A...lana …mmm yess!”

Fionn has literally just fucked himself against a wall, loudly moaning Alana’s name.

She grasps her hand against the other side of the same wall, to pull at nothing, her body flinches and jumps, she gasps for air and groans out.

There’s no point in being quiet now.

She means to say ‘fuck’ but it sort of sounds like ‘Fionn’.

“Yes! Alana. Fuck.”

He speaks to her from the other side. This is it.

“Fionn! Fionn! Ah, fucking God!!”

This cannot be happening.

They’re fucking each other and they can’t even see it or feel it.

Alana’s so close. Her fingers are slipping, she’s so wet. She throbs and pants, breathless and so close.

“Alana”

Fionn’s voice speaks to her through the wall. It sounds calm, deep. Firm, and definite.

Almost dominant.

“Cum for me.”

“Please.”

Alana breathes in sharply with a sudden moan. “Fuck!! Fuuuuck!”

Her head slowly stretches back to hang, facing the ceiling, as she feels the breath escaping her lungs, leaving her mouth in a soft sigh of his name. She cums with two fingers pressed hard against her clit, her hips thrusting forward in short, intense jolts. Her moan squeaks and she sighs heavily, breathing out a clear “Fiiiionn”

The two of them stand in the same position, their foreheads resting against the same spot on separate sides of the same wall.

They breathe in and out deeply as their heart rates regulate.

Fionn and Alana shakily tug their underwear back on and briefly let their eyes close.

After a little while of quiet, Alana asks “Should I say sorry?”

She doesn’t know neighbour sex etiquette, but surely that’s the polite thing to say when you masturbate against a wall with someone uninvited.

“No” Fionn laughs. “You really don’t need to say sorry. Not at all”

Phew.

“Do I need to say sorry?” He asks, suddenly sounding concerned. He rests his palm out against his side of the wall.

“No, Fionn. Never.” Alana sits back on the floor, and rests her head back. “Not for anything.”

She hears another mumbled laugh. “Good, because that was fun!”

Oh, man!

Alana chuckles to herself and calls back. “You’re amazing Fionn, really.”

“Wait until there isn’t a wall between us!” He knocks on it twice, leans back against it and laughs.

Oh my God.

“See you tomorrow, darling.” Alana says, standing up and neatening her dress. “I’d better go because this probably isn’t really ok.” She laughs sort of nervously and sweeps her fringe out of her eyes.

“Bye, deer.” Fionn smiles and pulls his t-shirt back on. “Goodnight, Alana”

“Goodnight” She says, and kisses her side of the wall. “Sweet dreams, Dolfionn.”

--------------------

CHAPTER 3

Most of the visual content had been shot, there weren’t too many days left at all now. Harry and everyone else had basically done their bit. Everyone stayed from start to finish though, to boost morale and maintain the team effort, and because they were all still enjoying themselves. A lot of the bodies on set were simply required as extras now, there to be seen dancing and drifting through the background, in some sort of flamboyant garment.

The only major part left was the pool scene with Fionn and Alana, well… with Toby and Isla, technically. The only clear thought in the film. Maybe the only clear thought in Fionn’s mind. …If he forgets about another night of questionable masturbation preferences, that is.

But he’s got to do it now. He has to. Time feels like it’s running out, but it also feels like it’s on his side, running towards him. Towards them. Fionn needs to see this through, somehow. Even if he’s cheating a little and doing it through his character, Toby, Fionn is finally going to do this. …The Plan.

Polly’s voice is calmly reassuring her friends to remember that they know what they’re doing and that she believes in them. “Anything that feels natural, yeah? Whatever you both do or say, it won’t be wrong.”

Would you say that about last night, Pol? Alana tells her brain to shut up. Get your head in the game, girl! This isn’t the time to make up rude jokes in your head.

Polly shuffles back, mostly out of view, and the camera men and women are situated comfortably far back. “We have all evening, guys, so take your time.” Everything feels as organic as a pink swimming pool surrounded by rhododendron bushes and orange beanbags can feel. …and if you ignore the night before.

Fionn lies across his chest with his face held in his hands and peers up at Alana through his clear framed glasses. He’s wearing a striped shirt beneath an old denim jacket and repeatedly telling himself not to blush. He draws a breath and feels a deep sickness in the pit of his stomach. But he’s a professional actor. He can do this. Well… he used to be professional.

Here it goes. The Scene, The Plan, whatever you want to call it.

“I think.”

Oh, he started too sure.

“…I don’t think.”

Alana sighs a soft laugh. “Good start, Toby”

“Stop it, Isla”

Toby sits up right, removes his glasses and crosses his legs. Isla watches him fondly.

Oh my gosh, she thinks to herself. Something’s definitely happening. Don’t think about last night. Because something is about to happen.

She chances a glance, both Isla and Alana.

Fuck. ..His jaw line.

Another glance. Oh God. Regulate your breathing, remember.

Her eyes travel from the low set of Fionn’s eyebrows, to the verdant green of his iris. Across the freckles on his cheeks, down the sharp line of his nose. The bump of his top lip, the mole on his chin. The prominence of his Adam’s apple, the ring pierced in his ear. There’s something about the angles of his face Alana feels she’ll never tire of admiring.

“I don’t think…”

Oh, shit. Listen.

He isn’t speaking through a wall anymore.

Listen to him, Isla. Listen to Toby.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody that I’ve been so intrigued by.”

Isla takes a breath, feels aware of every vein and pore in her body, keeps her mouth closed, and tells herself to listen.

“You’re sweet. And lovely, and really cool, and nice. And friendly. But. There’s more, like… to you, than that.”

Keep it together Fionn, you can do this. You’re only acting.

So why does this feel so important?

It’s not just the cameras, he can’t look at her. This is scarier than he thought, for both him and his character. Look at the pool, that’s a good idea.

“I mean, you’re… kind of like water. But… but, not. But maybe you are. I mean…”

Just go for it, Fi. He hears Harry’s voice in his head, encouraging him.

“You were born by the sea, Isla. You always say you like the ocean…”

He should not have said that. That’s too real. That’s Fionn and not Toby. That’s Alana and not Isla. It’s too far from the script. But there is no script. Oh Jesus, he’s going to be fired. He’ll never act again.

“I do.”

She whispers.

Alana. No… Isla.

“I do like the ocean.”

Toby looks at her, and there are lights reflecting in her eyes.

“I like dolphins.”

She did not just do that.

Fionn allows himself to laugh, surely Toby would laugh at that.

But he has more to say. Both Toby and Fionn. She deserves more …Isla and Alana.

“I think you’re great, Isla. I don’t really know what to say because you make me nervous. But in a nice way. But you make me comfortable, and happy too. And funny, maybe?”

“You’re really really funny.” She says.

Oh boy, there she is.

Keep going Toby.

“…And you’re encouraging, and kind. And your voice is like nothing I’ve heard, and you look…amazing. Just lovely. And you work hard, your mind… the way your mind works, and the ideas that are born inside it, astound me. And your eyes are so big and they’re like, green. But no…brown. Orange? Hazel. Yeah, hazel. A deep, enchanting hazel, and… and I’m saying this because. Erm, because… I should have said it sooner.”

Here we go.

“I should have said it last year when we walked in the park after it stopped raining, or when we made that salad together at Alex’s house.”

She’ll know exactly who he means.

“…Or at that gig, or when I saw you buying all those vegetables that time, or when you bumped into me at that café with my family, or maybe I should have just turned up at your door and declared it, or…”

Maybe Toby’s getting carried away, but its Art. Maybe this is what feels organic to him. Maybe this is what Isla wants to hear, maybe it is professional to use a live film set to confess your actual feelings for your co-star, and maybe, maybe he can’t stop… “Or maybe I should have written you a letter, or even sang you a song, or maybe even pressed orange roses through your letter box, but…

Fionn finally looks at her so that Toby isn’t declaring this to his hands and she’s… she’s not… crying? No. She’s smiling, but… well, kind of crying, and, both. Yes. She’s sort of smile crying into her hand, but it’s quite cute. Everything she does is cute.

“…I was scared.”

“For some weird reason I just felt scared, maybe that I would let you down, Isla, or simply that I liked you too much, or maybe not enough. Or that the timing was wrong, and we’d be too busy, but…I just always wanted more. And you were always there. Even when I didn’t think you would be. But I didn’t want to come to expect you, but you always seemed so happy to see me. You were so friendly and you kept saying nice things to me, and touching my arm. But, I know you do that to everyone...”

Keep going Fionn, it’s for the film. You’re a great actor.

“My dog likes you. And my sisters like you, and… and Alex said that you like me.”

There’s no way back now, just carry on.

“And… well, yeah. That was nice to hear. Everything said about you is nice to hear. Your voice, especially, is nice to hear. I just… I suppose that if there were ever a choice for you to be somewhere or to not be somewhere, and I suppose by ‘somewhere’ I mean with me, by my side, I’d much rather that you were. There. …By my side, I mean. Than not there.”

Fionn takes what feels like his first breath in several hours and what might actually be his first breath in several hours.

“I guess that’s the best I’ve got. For now, anyway.” He says. “But maybe I can work on it.” He’s not speaking to the crew, but still to Alana. Well, no. It’s Toby speaking to Isla.

He realises all the extras have gone inside, and the moon has replaced the sun, and the butterflies are sleeping and Alana, well… Isla, is wearing a loose red cardigan he never saw her put on. And she’s sitting right in front of him though he never noticed her move forward.

Somehow Alana is holding Fionn’s hand in hers, although he never felt her take it. He realises the cameras are still rolling, of course they are. And the set lights are still shining on the tears in Alana’s eyes and he wonders where she learnt to be such a good actress that she could just cry like that.

And then he hears her soft, angelic voice though he never saw her open her mouth, and he realises she’s talking to him.

“Of course I like you, Toby.” Isla breathes out. “I always have.”

She’s such a good actress.

Listen to her.

“You’re intelligent and creative. And you’re respectful about everything. The way you talk, about things, it’s so… earnest, and important. And I could listen to you, for ages. You speaking… you’re voice…I dunno. You’re just compassionate, and so endearing. And you’re so cool! God, you have no idea, but that just makes it better! You’re so humble and wonderful and your singing voice, Jesus Christ!! You’re sort of unbelievable. You’re sort of everything, but mostly, you’re just so nice, and you work hard. And you care about your family, and you’re really funny!”

Alana’s sort of exasperated, as if she’s only realising all of Fionn’s amazing qualities right now but she isn’t, she’s known the whole time she’s known him. She has to keep going though. Isla does.

“You make me care about things more. I learn things through you, you’re just great… I don’t, know… you’re really peaceful. It sounds silly but knowing that you exist, in my life, somehow, is just… really soothing, and reassuring. You’re a bit weird, you’ve got your quirks and everything, but so do I, and… I guess it doesn’t really matter.” She says. “I mean look at you! You’re lovely. So, so lovely. You’re just… real. There’s this grace and composure about you that I’ve never witnessed in anyone else.”

God, she’s good.

Fionn thinks he might see one of the camerawomen moving position and the sound technician move the mic, but all he’s looking at are Alana’s eyes on him, open wide and shining, staring into his.

Maybe the plan is working?

“Toby, I suppose I don’t really know all that much about you, but I don’t know if I need to, because I know enough to know that I feel something.”

Neither Toby nor Fionn know if the feel of lips blowing air against skin is the breeze or the feeling of two sets of knuckles folded together.

“I kept waiting for it to fizzle out, but it never did. I could never just appreciate you in moderation …I wanted more, too.” She speaks. And yes, maybe this is finally happening. And it doesn’t matter with whose voice she speaks, Isla’s or her own. “There were times I was unsure if I wanted you in reality, or if it were safer to enjoy the idea of you, but there was just something...” Alana moves their hands to rest in her lap, her heart crashing in her throat, and she speaks firmly, hopefully in Isla’s voice. “There is just something about you I never felt ready or able to leave behind. And I still don’t want to. I’ve always wanted you, and I still do.”

Fionn thinks he can hear plants rustling beneath a soft wind but he doesn’t know because neither he nor Toby would be listening to that. It’s not important. This is happening. He feels sick, in the most beautiful way.

“For a while, admittedly, I tried to pretend you were only a concept.” Isla pauses, her eyes switch between focusing on Toby’s and studying the stitching on his sleeve.

Just keep going, Alana. It’s for the film.

“I wish I could say I was an actress.” Isla’s free hand climbs Toby’s forearm and rests at his elbow. “…That there was a reason for all this.”

Oh Jesus. It’s for the Film, ok?

Fionn lifts his eyes from looking at Alana’s hand nestled in his, and meets her eyes. “You just had this grip on me.” Isla says, but it is Alana’s eyes that are still glossy. “…And whether either of us intended it to or not, your presence just somehow seeped into everything, and thoughts of you consumed me, but not even in a bad way! Just in a constant and certain way, and I… I made art about you.”

It’s too late now, she thinks. She’s said it.

“Everything I’ve done has sort of stemmed from initially thinking about you. All of this, in a weird and kind of unintentional way, it’s sort of all for you.”

Toby scans from Isla across to the plants which frame her; lavender, foxglove, fuscia. His eyes travel into the still water, decorated with petals and confetti and sequins, through all the other orange and lilac and yellow flowers in the far corner, up into the deep red and golden sunset which seeps into the sea, and then back to her. Gems glisten in her ears, glitter lines her eye lids. A peacock butterfly is tattooed onto her shoulder, and a pale pink flower is woven into her hair. She smiles the sweetest smile and her eyes are full of honesty. “You’re a bee.” He says.

They laugh …finally.

Fionn, Toby, Alana, Isla. It doesn’t matter. Their hands separate and they move to align their bodies side by side, legs stretched in front of them. “You wear yellow, you’re rare, and you like flowers. Everything surrounding you is pretty. You like the outdoors. You sort of fly around everywhere, pollinating everything, I’m not sure what with… but wherever you go, you leave a trace of something hopeful. What you give out is sort of necessary and appreciated. Your words, or art, or smile. I don’t know. But, it’s always nice to see you.” He says. “You’re a bee. …That can be your name. That’s what I’ll call you.”

--------------------------

CHAPTER 4

Morning sun rises slowly in a pale sky and shines weakly through the open window.

The eyes watching Alana are interrogative, in a caring way. Unflinching, deep with questions, but safe. Familiar. A silvery grey blue, with lashes painted black fluttering above them.

“Mornin’ Poll! How’re you feeling?” She asks her friend, it’s a genuine question but she anticipates it won’t be answered.

“Yesterday, Al.” Polly’s eyes widen. “Yesterday.”

“Yesterday was Tuesday.” Alana smiles around a spoonful of fruit salad, investigates a kiwi in her bowl with more interest than needed, and she absolutely doesn’t blush. Not at all. It might be sunburn.

“Alana, please!” Polly reaches across the pink breakfast table and holds onto Alana’s arm.

“I thought I was meant to be the actress round here!” But she can’t keep this up, Alana quickly retreats into shy grumbles and unsure whimpers and adolescent giggles and she cradles her knees to her chest. “Yesterday was amazing, if not maybe a little odd, I suppose? Quite intense. Very, very beautiful, but intense.” She admits, half smiling, half nervously puckering her lips.

“It was amazing, Alana! I could barely watch, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be there …I couldn’t breathe. I think Isaac the lighting guy was crying! We were all sweating afterwards, just looking at each other in silence. No one knew what to say.” Polly’s a little manic, it was obvious that she’d been holding this in all night. “Acting rarely creates that kind of atmosphere, Alana, I know Fionn’s amazing at his job, obviously, but there was tension. That was super intense!” She decides. “What you both said was personal and obviously, undoubtedly, completely real.”

Alana can only respond with a quiet ‘hmm.’ It’s all out there now, she guesses. Everything. Exposed, honest, said. Everything’s finally been said. Everything she thought and dreamt and wrote and hoped for all year has finally been said…Unless by some miracle all of the shots are unusable and they have to burn everything and no one will ever know a thing. Or maybe the sound is somehow so poor that they have to just make up some random subtitles, or add loads of effects, or maybe even play the speech backwards like in Twin Peaks. Maybe that would be better? Maybe she should suggest it?

“Alana, please.” Polly brings her back to earth. “Please don’t you dare get nervous and avoid him now. Things between you and him do not end with that scene, you know that, right?”

She’s right. God, of course she is. Alana reaches out to hold her friend’s hand and listen to her.

“Lana, you haven’t come this far to freak out about it now. You don’t actually have anything to be scared of anymore. It is quite clear that he feels the same. He is absolutely lovely and believe it or not, you are a catch.”

Alana laughs weakly and brings hers and Polly’s hands up to her mouth to press her lips nervously and tenderly into Polly’s fingers.

“Go and see him, petal. You’ve both done more than enough for this film and all of us can start packing stuff up.” Polly tells her. “Everything you have waited for is happening now. Go and see him. Today.”

Alana squeezes her friend’s hand and smiles at her. “Thank you, Pea. Thank you so much, for pulling me together!” She says. “I love you.” Alana stands to clear her dishes with a slightly wobbly hand, but a big smile on her face. “I’ll do it.”

------------------------------

There is a backless pink bench situated in a secluded corner of a small garden behind the pool. Bull rushes, flag irises and orange water flowers stand tall in a small turquoise pond dressed with layers of lily pads. A willow tree hangs its branches over the grass, the fine green leaves reflect in shards of mirror mosaicked into the pink wall at the back. White butterflies with orange tipped wings and painted-lady butterflies jitter around pink and yellow flower heads.

Fionn is sitting on the bench, cradling a bright pink mug and blowing lightly over the surface to cool down his morning coffee. A navy blue tee-shirt stretches over his chest, soft strands of brown hair curl messily over his forehead. Sunlight paints patches of white light over his face, and tangles into the hair on his legs. Despite not being a morning person, Fionn feels peaceful as he watches little bubbles travel up to the surface of the pond water, he sees them pop with a content smile on his face.

He feels a hand slowly stroke his back then tenderly smooth down his hair from the crown of his head to the nape of his neck.

Alana slides her hand down Fionn’s arm as she sits herself on the bench to face him. She folds her leg to rest her knee on Fionn’s thigh and she says a happy, shy good morning. Fionn places his hand gently on her leg and laughs out an equally shy greeting.

Fionn and Alana are both slow and quiet. As if they woke too early. They are not sleepy but the day is unfamiliarly new, it feels like the morning has paused so it can stretch out for longer than normal. The sun is awaiting their instruction before it rises higher in the sky.

Alana rests her head against Fionn’s shoulder and laughs out “I don’t know what to say!” She feels his two fingers and thumb slide to cup her chin and trace the edge of her jaw. Fionn sweeps his fingers up Alana’s face to push her hair behind her ear, so slowly and softly that his knuckles tickle her skin. She takes his hand in hers, looks at him and smiles. “Maybe we’ve already said everything.”

Fionn turns so each of his legs are on either side of the bench with Alana sat cross legged between them. Their hands hold each other’s thighs. He smiles softly. “Yeah, maybe we have said it all now.”

“Thank you for everything you said.” Alana speaks, earnestly. They sigh quietly through little smiles and slow blinks as they realise that they’ve finally sorted everything out. “Thank you, too.” Fionn says. Alana reaches her arms around Fionn’s neck to hug him and he holds her with his arms wrapped round her back.

Their faces nestle into each other’s necks, cheeks squished into tight smiles. Close, skin pressed inside folds and corners of skin. The morning, their skin pressed together in the morning. No walls between them. No water between them. No windows between them. No unspoken words between them. No cities between them. They’ve done it. They are here. Together.

Their hug loosens a little and they rest their cheeks together with their eyes closed. They stay like that for a while, or what feels like a while, or what feels like no time at all. Eyelids shut softly and they breathe in and out slowly, they rub their cheeks together ever so slightly, almost like deer. The tips of Fionn and Alana’s noses and lips brush over each other’s skin in the hazy yellow morning light. Fionn gently ghosts faint kisses along Alana’s jaw and onto her chin. They are gentle and slow. No rush. Just waking up. Alana leaves a trail of small kisses along Fionn’s neck and onto his face and up to his forehead.

Fionn kisses the end of Alana’s nose. “So we’re good?” She asks him with a smirk and locks her hands around the back of his neck. “We’re, like… friends…and stuff?” She laughs.

“Alana.” Fionn says her name seriously with a raised eyebrow. “Come on!” He smooths his palms over the back of her head and cups her face in his hands.

“Okay” She smiles. “More than friends, please?”

“That’s better.” Fionn nods. “More than friends.”

They’re still smiling even when they try not to. It’s in their eyes and their whole faces, their whole bodies. It could be embarrassing but they don’t care. It’s only the two of them anyway, and they’ve waited long enough. A year and a bit isn’t that long, really, but it felt like it.

“Are we…” Alana leans closer to Fionn to speak in his ear “…Together?” She asks him in a giggle, with a small knot in her stomach, and she takes his ear lobe into her mouth to suck in a little kiss. Fionn whispers into her ear, his lips touch her skin with every word. “I think… that we are together, Alana.” He kisses her cheek. “Yes.”

“Good!” She sighs. “That’s wonderful to hear.” She turns to smile against the corner of his lips. “Phew!”

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to tell you how I felt.” Fionn admits, linking their fingers together. And Alana replies, smoothing her hand over his. “Don’t be. You’re worth the wait, and I’m really sorry it took me such weird and dramatic methods to tell you how I felt.”

They laugh and Alana wraps her legs around Fionn’s waist, he holds his arms around the bottom of her back. They rest their foreheads together. They are comfortable and happy, but nerves still tickle them and shoot up inside their stomachs, like an itch. It’s comfortable but new at the same time. They are so close now, hugging and resting their heads together, but they itch, they both know it, silently. Slowly, with twitches in their bellies, Fionn and Alana lift their heads up, their chins meet gently, they tilt their heads slightly, slowly. They close their eyes, and they slowly press their lips together in a soft, gentle peck. They smile slightly then open their lips to slide between each other’s in another kiss. Their lips open and meet again, and again. Fionn and Alana share a slow, long kiss. She rubs her hand over Fionn’s hair where she lightly holds the back of his neck. He gently lays his hand on her jaw. Alana can feel the shape of Fionn’s top lip between hers. Their lips are warm together. Soft, and they move slowly. Continuously. Soft, wet and gentle. The very faint flavours of coffee and toothpaste mix and taste much better than they should. Sort of comforting. Sort of sweet, sort of funny. Nice. Their lips are close, always. Never leaving, never stopping. Keeping kissing. Sliding. Long, slow, deep, wet, soft kisses. Sentences of long kisses, punctuated with little kisses. A paragraph for a kiss. Their lips are pink and kissing makes them more pink. They kiss in the garden. They sit on the pink bench, in the little garden with the pink walls, by the turquoise pond with the pink lotus flowers, and they kiss. They finally kiss because they finally can.

They kiss every word they never said into each other’s lips. They kiss every word they did say to each other, by the pool at sunset last night. They kiss for every look they shared across every room they’ve been in. They kiss for every inch of distance they ever had between them. They kiss for every time they could have kissed sooner. They kiss for every person who told them to kiss sooner. They kiss for them kissing now. They kiss for them kissing again. They kiss for them finally getting it right. They kiss for the first time because it’s not the last time. They kiss till the sun rises higher in the sky and tells them the day has begun.

---------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 5

(Bonus chapter with plot twist)

September 2019

Fionn is at home, his dog Lewis curling up to his side, and Alana cuddling the other. Their limbs, dressed in comfy jeans and woollen autumn jumpers, tangle lazily on the sofa. Fionn looks up from reading and meets Alana with a wide and fond, if not slightly bemused, and maybe even teary-eyed smile. He places what he’s just read onto the table; a short story self-printed and hand bound in baby pink card, titled ‘Pink Dolphin’.

He chuckles and leans in to give Alana a lingering kiss. “Bless you” he tells her. “This is crazy, this story. It’s amazing! I can’t believe you did that, it’s so funny!” Fionn shakes his head with an amused smile. “Yeah, it’s maybe a tiny tiny bit strange, and it’s pretty hot!” He says. “But honestly… that’s maybe the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Fionn smiles even wider and lays his hand across his heart. “Parts of that really, really got to me. That was so, so nice!”

Alana reaches out to take Fionn’s hand in hers and breathes out a dramatic sigh of relief. “Phewww, thank God!” She looks at him with wide, innocent eyes and a smile, as if she didn’t just share her dirty fanfiction with him. Fionn chuckles and pinches Alana’s nose. He runs his thumb over her cheek to show he’s just teasing. The pair of them nervously giggle. Even after almost 3 years together, they’re still as awkward with each other as they are comfortable.

Alana tucks her legs under Fionn’s and holds Lewis’ paw. “I never even planned for you to read it, you know! I was so embarrassed, I’m so sorry!” She laughs at herself, and at Fionn laughing at her. “I know I’m a bit of an idiot, I just really love you and you’re very inspiring!” Alana snorts a laugh at the facial expressions Fionn is pulling at her. “It’s all completely Harry and Louis’ fault anyway! They made me write it by planting the idea in my head! They’re out of control.”

“I’ll tell you one thing.” Fionn replies, wrapping one of Alana’s legs up in his arms and resting his face against her knee. “Fionn is right.” He points to the pink laminated document on the table and picks it up. “You are ridiculous!” He laughs, swatting at her with her own story. “All of you are absolutely, beautifully, stupidly, impossibly, ridiculously, ridiculous! I have no idea why I spend time with any of you.”

Alana stretches away from him, laughing. “I’m ridiculously in love with you!” She sings. “We all are, does that help!??”

“It only helps a tiny bit, you lunatic!” Fionn laughs, pulling his girlfriend back into his arms. “When Harry said he’d dared you to write fanfiction about us aaaaages ago, I certainly never expected you to have taken it this far, or gone to that much effort! It’s craaazy but it’s honestly brilliant though, and I’m very flattered …but don’t tell Harry that.”

“Ah thank God, though, honestly!” Alana sighs again, kissing Fionn’s knuckles. “I was so worried you’d be absolutely disgusted, and outraged, and confused, and just want to leave me immediately, and then be angry at Harry too!” She gushes, far too dramatically. “You know… Louis even tried to get me to post it online!! Can you believe him!?” She admits, her eyes wild with excitement and confession.

“I just wrote it cos it helped me to, like, deal with you.” She explains, a little more peacefully. “I didn’t wanna get obsessed or anything, or invest too much in our relationship too soon. I just wanted to be calm, and to enjoy fancying you, and happily take things slow, so transferring some emotion into this helped.” She admits. “I wrote it before we were properly together, and I know it sounds odd, and I know I’m really dramatic… but it just made sense to me, and it was fun! I tried to keep all this hidden for all these years, and I pretended that I never actually wrote any, just on the off chance you got mad at me or were, like, really disturbed.”

Fionn laughs loudly at how stressed Alana’s getting. She is so silly. He is actually really enjoying this. Seeing her freak out and feel awkward is pretty funny. It’s adorable, actually. “I’m not angry with you!” He has to save her at some point. “I’m actually really glad that you took Harry’s dare, or advice?, so seriously, and wrote such an amazing story and managed to hang onto it all this time!” Fionn moves to rest his chin on top of Alana’s head. “And it clearly worked, cos we’re all good.”

“You made us into art, Alana, and that is really sweet and a real privilege. You know I’d never judge you for doing something which helps or inspires you.” He says. “You knew that at some point I’d eventually reveal you to the world as the arty mad woman that I was somehow in love with, and I suppose if we do decide to share this beautiful, funny, wonderful, weird, sexy, and ridiculous story that you’ve created, then maybe that would be as good a way as any for us to ‘come out’.” He jokes with her and kisses her on the temple.

Alana giggles and combs her fingers through Fionn’s hair. “Yeah. We’re really private, Dolfionn, and we hope to ‘come out’ in a quiet and simple way…let’s definitely reveal this epic, dramatic, arty, cinematic, fantasy filth about us!” She plays along. “Sure! Maybe we should... Maybe it’s a brilliant idea! Maybe it would be funny?” She lays her head in Fionn’s lap and tickles Lewis under his ears.

Fionn rests his hand over Alana’s tummy. “Yeah, I definitely think so. Louis’ onto something... It would be silly and endearing, like us! But no… seriously, if we just stay calm, don’t make much fuss, and continue living our lives quietly like we always do…” He starts, “And I’ll keep mainly just talking about acting in any interviews, then everything will definitely be fine when people do know.” Alana has to agree with him. She meant it when she said Fionn was inspiring.

“I’m happy for people to know about us now, but we can definitely still be private.” He reassures them both. “We’re not giving Harry and Louis the satisfaction of sharing that story anyway!” Fionn laughs and slides his hand beneath Alana’s jumper, to slowly run his fingers over her warm skin. “What I’m most concerned with now, however…” He leans closer. “…is fucking you through a wall.” He teases but reaches further up under Alana’s top, and licks a stripe up her neck. “You wrote some incredibly sexy things and I was very impressed.”

Alana laughs and tugs at Fionn’s hair. She sits up to straddle him and leave wet, introductory kisses up Fionn’s neck. “So, just to completely clarify first, you’re absolutely sure that you’re definitely not annoyed or embarrassed that I wrote that??” She double checks, stroking the soft hair on Fionn’s arms beneath his jumper sleeves.

“You’re pretty difficult to be angry with, bee.” Fionn smiles and holds Alana’s hips beneath her jumper. “I’m maybe the tiniest bit surprised? If not just at how detailed it is, even though I really shouldn’t be because this is actually typical you… and its typical Harry and Louis! But honestly, love, no.” He answers. “I’m not annoyed with you at all. I absolutely love it, and I actually find the whole thing really cute!” He tells her. “I might be embarrassed if your story were shit, but luckily I’m quite a fan.” Fionn flirts and rests his head against Alana’s chest, kissing it through her clothes.

Alana cradles Fionn’s head in her arms. “I know I’m silly and weird, pet, but for what it’s worth, I meant the things that I wrote. Well… what Harry forced me to write!” She jokes but winds loving kisses into Fionn’s hair and down over his throat. “I meant it a lot, petal, the romantic bits as well as the naughty bits.”

“I know. I can tell that you did, bee, you don’t need to say sorry and I honestly do sincerely appreciate it.” Fionn says. “I appreciate yours and Harry’s unorthodox tactics to deal with your overwhelming love for me!” He jokes between tickles and cuddles and he playfully bites Alana’s shoulder. Lewis wakes up and happily scrambles off into the other room.

“For what it’s worth, Al, I would say everything to you that you wrote in that story, because it’s all completely true, and you deserve to hear it every day, and I’m really proud of you. And I really do love you. And I appreciate everything we have together.” He kisses her firmly and pulls her closer into his lap and against his body. “I love you so fucking much, you adorable weirdo.”

“I love you, Fionn.” Alana sighs out and holds his face tightly up to hers, stroking her thumbs over his cheeks. “I really really love you a lot. Thank you for everything. For putting up with me so well, and for always being so kind.” She kisses his lips. “And wonderful.” She kisses him again. “And pretty.” Another kiss. “And amazing.” Kiss. “And sweet.”

Fionn holds the back of her neck and they kiss quickly through deep breaths. Alana’s hands run down Fionn’s chest and he squeezes the backs of her thighs tightly, moving his hand up her back and into her hair. In the moments Fionn’s lips aren’t held between Alana’s he informs her “We’re reading the rude scenes aloud to each other while we have sex, you know.”

Alana sinks lower onto Fionn’s lap and hurriedly pulls off his jumper. “Yes! God, I know.”

77 notes · View notes

shakespearerants · 7 years

Text

Why Modern Y/A Literature Is Shit - Five Lists, A Rant, And A Conclusion

Let’s start with the lists, shall we? First, we have the typical overused y/a protagonists. There are:

1) the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. I’m talking about that “oh I’m not like other girls I hate makeup and I’m sooooo clumsy and also a nerd because I don’t like to party” girl, the one that always says she’s ugly but is described as stereotypically attractive. Usually white. Always gets the insanely attractive guy in the end. Relatable ™.

2) the mysterious bad boy that every girl wants a slice of. Usually either rich, a supernatural being, or involved in some sketchy shit. Has a Tragic Backstory™ that is unlocked by the female protagonist after little-to-none probing, maybe some bambi eyes, when the story is at the point where he would look like a real douche if his shitty behavior was left unexplained.

3) the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually white. Fights for Freedom and What Is Good, would actually be pretty ok in my books, if there weren’t…

4) the male love interest of the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually very flat character. We know exactly two thing about him: a) He’s Sexy b) He’s In Love. Sometimes there’s a small bonus and we also know that he has a Tragic Backstory™, usually involving something that is supposed to show that he and the female Leader of the Revolution are Soulmates or at least that they have History Together. And then there’s…

5) the Love Triangle. Im counting this as “one” main character because, lets be honest, most (read: all that I know) love triangles don’t have enough depth to justify analyzing all three parts separately. It goes like this: girl was Normal and had Best Male Friend who was In Love With Her since Forever, but Never Said Anything. Then Something Happens and Guy Two (the mysterious bad boy) shows up, usually quite out of the blue. He is Mysterious and Experienced and Interested In The Girl, who is suddenly Very Important for a Higher Cause. Then Best Male Friend Gets Jealous and Confesses His Feelings when confronted by the Girl. Then all there of them go on an Epic Quest together. A common variation of this is Girl meets two boys. One is Nice™ and one is Sexy™. HOW WILL SHE DECIDE???!11?? (also epic quest in the backround)

And then we have the supporting characters. Who are usually either…

1) the gay OR the racially diverse Best Friend of the Protagonist. Especially if it’s a male protagonist. BUT CAREFUL!!!!!111! He has to be a) male b) EITHER gay OR racially diverse, and c) ok with casually used homophobic/racist stereotypes

2) the Nerd Friend of the (usually male) protagonist. Wears glasses. Doesn’t know anything about sports. Easily hurt. Thankful™ for their Cool Protagonist Friend. Usually bullied. Knows stuff about: a) Star Wars b) Comics c) Lord of the Rings. If the author is really adventurous he also cosplays, usually as a LOTR character

3) the Best Girl Friend of the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. Usually very flat character. Comes out of nowhere to Give Advice and disappears back into the void.

But the most annoying thing is that literally almost every y/a novel or series that you pick up in literally any bookstore/library can be assigned one of these general storylines:

1) the Your Are Different storyline. Girl is Normal™. Maybe has a Tragic Backstory™, but nothing too bad. Then Something Happens and she learns that she is Not Normal, by which I mean that she either has some sort of supernatural powers or that she is The Long Lost Princess or at very least The Chosen One. Then some love triangle comes to spiel, she has to Leave Her Old Life Behind and Save The World. Book ends with some sort of sappy love confession or her deciding which part of the love triangle she chooses. Sometimes seen with a male protagonist, but without the love triangle.

2) the Love Triangle storyline. Well. I think it’s self-explanatory.

3) the Supernatural Shit Going On storyline. Someone (usually a guy) is the Chosen One. Chosen One has to fight in order to save some recently discovered world/their own world. Meets some friends who are usually two or more dudes and one super badass girl who is only there because Equality™ and is either the one who gets Possessed By The Evil or is the only one who has to be saved at one point in the story. If we have a female protagonist then she and the girl Hate Each Other For Literally No Reason until the protagonist Saves The Girl in some very dramatic way and they realize that the other is Actually Not That Bad. Female protagonist usually teaches girl about Feelings and maybe sets her up with That One Guy In The Group that she’s had a crush on for Literal Years but never made a move because Feelings Are For Babys or she was Scared And Didn’t Know What To Say To Him.

4) the This Book Isn’t Like Other Books storyline. Some shit that doesn’t have anything to do with interpersonal relationships or at the most bullying is going on. Usually features a Controversial Protagonist™ (read: the one who started the deeply illegal or at least sketchy shit that’s going on and is also the muggle version of Voldemort, character wise). The (usually male) protagonist, who is also a social outcast, now has to work to Stop The Sketchy Shit that he started, but he Can’t Do It Alone. A group of three people (two boys, one pretty girl), who are also a part of the Popular Group At School, are somehow pulled into the shit and help the Controversial Protagonist™ Fix His Mistakes and Become A Better Person. Sometimes they become friends in the end.

AND, because I can, have some shitty shitty plot devices.

1) the Love Triangle. It’s shitty and unnecessary in every way because it always features at least 3 of these things: bad writing. Heteronormativity. Exclusively white people. Disregard of the feelings of the female lead by at least one of the guys. Use of past traumatic experiences of one of the male leads to justify predatory and/or dangerous/possessive behavior. Related to that: use of mental illness/trauma solely to gain sympathy of the audience. Characters’ (specially the guys’) lives and decisions revolve around romantic/sexual relationships. Related to that: romanticization of unhealthy relationships. Enforcement of gender stereotypes. Objectification of the characters (especially the male characters).

2) Miscommunication. I don’t even have to say anything, do I.

3) The One Friend In The Group That Betrays Them All And The Subsequent Fallout. WHY. WHY do authors feel the need to have one person in a close-knit group of friends betray everyone. I mean, it would even be THAT bad if most authors didn’t use it as a cheep method to create suspense for the final showdown, or kill off a character, or to distract from the fact that most villains in modern y/a literature are really flat characters with no real motives for their plans for world takeover or whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish by giving them a radicalized follower.

4) the Love Confession When The Guy Either Thinks She’s Chosen Someone Else Or Is Being Separated From The Girl. Like. NO. Just no. Thats like THE cheapest way to create emotional conflict. Or to subtly manipulate your readers. Because that is essentially what the author is doing: guilt-tripping you into supporting a relationship, because unless that guy was a real douchbag, and if he WAS, 99% of the people who read that stuff will be like “OH MY POOR BBY JUST GOT HIS HEART BROKEN” and BAM, no one’s gonna argue that his feelings aren’t genuine, or say that he doesn’t deserve her, bc bitch did you read this he confessed to her when he thought he was never gonna see her again

5) the Love Confession From Her Jealous Best Friend. Again, a cheep way to create emotional tension and gain sympathy from the reader.

6) the Vaguely Sexual Encounter. Usually something comparatively innocent, like a heated kiss or make-out session, usually used to intensify emotional dilemma, either because of a love triangle (I really can’t stand love triangles) or because she shouldn’t be kissing the guy or something. And the thing is, it wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it weren’t completely misplaced (like, a day away from the final battle misplaced) in most cases, or worse: slutshaming. Or, worse still: the cringey sex discussion that ends in either slutshaming or kinda just fizzles out.

7) the We’re Gonna Die But It’s Okay Because I Love You talk, usually delivered by the male lead to the female lead before all goes to shit. And honestly I have never read a book where this shit happened where they knew each other for more than four weeks. And lemme tell you there is nothing more unrealistic than a teenage dude giving a two-page talk about why he loves a girl that he’s known for a maximum of four weeks. I once read a book where this happened and they knew each other for three days and made out once and he literally gave that speech twice (no, I’m not taking about Romeo and Juliet). Like, do you authors understand the people you are writing books for? Do you have any idea how teenage relationships work?

8) Bulling That’s Used As A Plot Device But Ultimately Stays Unresolved or, even worse, The People Who Bully Me Are (A Part Of) The Group I Have to Join To Save The World And Suddenly We’re Best Friends. THIS. THIS is almost worse than the fucking love triangle shit. Because lemme tell you something: If bullying isn’t stopped, if the bullies don’t face consequences for their actions, then guess what? IT’S NOT GONNA FUCKING STOP, THATS WHAT. It’ll continue on and on and on until someone won’t take that shit anymore. Yeah, sure, it might seem like it stopped, especially if you’re seeing everything from the view of a character who was suddenly not bullied anymore, but let me tell you: that is an illusion. They just shift to the next victim. And it’s so so toxic to write it like everything is suddenly ok, oh my gosh. Because it’s not, it doesn’t stop, it just shifts to somewhere else, and thousands of bullied kids that read these books are gonna think that it does. And they’re gonna go and look at their bullies and start feeling sympathy for them because they read a hundred and one books where the bullies are actually good guys, so their bullies can’t be that bad, can they? And voila, thats the first step to excusing toxic behavior. The first step to make sure that these kids never speak up against oppressors.

Some things that I am really sick of in general but even more when seen in y/a literature:

1) bad and/or lazy writing, especially when it comes to character development

2) casual sexism

3) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of LGBTQIA characters

4) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of non-white characters

5) lack of female supporting characters

6) little to no character development seen in male characters, especially love interests/supporting characters

7) reinforcement of stereotypically masculine/feminine character traits

8) little to no explanation offered concerning culture and other specifics of fantasy worlds (also known as WHY WRITE FANTASY IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA INCLUDE SOME ACTUAL FANTASY)

9) romanticization of toxic relationships

10) hypersexualization of teenagers, because no matter how good looking he is, you shouldn’t describe a sixteen year old boy the same way you would a twenty five year old porn star

And the thing is that this isn’t some kind of one time thing. I didn’t just finish a series that i really disliked or read a few bad books in a row. This rant is the product of literal year-long frustration because I literally cannot find anything in the y/a section of bookstores and libraries and publishing companies websites that doesn’t feature at least one of the above mentioned main characters, one of the above mentioned supporting characters, and some variation of the above mentioned storylines. And I am honestly so sick of it, and so are many many more young adults, because in the beginning you just read that shit, you know. And then it comes to the point where you get so sick of seeing the same stories repeated over and over and the same characters used over and over that you start really searching for books that are different. But these books are so rare, and so hard to find! And after some time you start feeling like you’re being bullshitted by authors and publishing companies. Because most of y/a literature is not only cliche and stereotypical and just plain boring after some time, its also often very badly written. And I’m not just talking language here, though that is a part of it. I’m talking major plot holes, complete lack of character development, period novels or novels that feature time travel being so cringe-worthily historically inaccurate that you actually start wonder if the author did it on purpose, a suspense arc that would, drawn, look like a squiggly line or, even worse but sadly even more common, just a downward sloping curve that maybe, if you’re really lucky, curves slightly upwards again in the last five chapters. There are so many y/a novels out there that I seriously can’t imagine ever having been edited or beta read. And lately it seem like most publishing companies out there just don’t care what they publish any more, you know? Its just one love triangle after the other. And honestly society is moving forward at an increasingly fast pace, the current generation of teenagers and young adults is becoming more tolerant and open minded by the second, and the literature that is written for us, marketed towards us is still dominated by heteronormativity, all-white characters, a lack of male protagonists in the romance and of female protagonists in the action/adventure genre, and sexism. Like, okay, if you think a love triangle is necessary for your story, why not write in a bit of representation for the LGBTQIA community and make it a polyamory in the end instead of having your heroine decide between two hot guys? Or just feature a bi protagonist instead of the cliche straight girl? If you wanna write that stereotypical high school romance why not feature a protagonist who is not white for a change? Also there is a huge difference between books written for boys and books written for girls that is honestly, in my opinion, incomprehensible. Especially if you factor that most boys between the ages of 12 and 20 just don’t read novels because they think reading in general is stupid or they can’t relate to the characters that are portrayed. And this is honestly so concerning because most boys are behind their female classmates when it comes to reading and language skills, which scientists say is a result of boys reading less for enjoyment in their free time, especially less fiction. (sources: (x) (x) (x)) And honestly I can see where thats coming from, there is a) very little literature written for boys, and lets be real, how many boys do you know that would voluntarily read something thats explicitly being marketed for girls and b) the literature actually written for boys is tremendously boring and even more stereotypical and redundant than literature written for girls, plus, you sometimes get the very paradox impression that sex is a kind of tabu theme in boys literature. Like in girls literature its ridiculed and treated in some sort of prepubescent giggly way even though most of literature written for girls revolves around sexual and romantic relationships, but it is addressed, even if its done in an immature way. But boys literature is all about action and danger and bros before hoes. Most books written for a male audience don’t even feature a love interest. And again, this is paradox and kind of weird or even ridiculous because boys are expected to be sexually active from a very young age and the teenage years are the years of (sexual) self-discovery, so in almost all media boys are portrayed as very experienced and sure in their sexuality, except for literature aimed towards them, where they are treated the same way little children are treated: you just don’t talk about sex. How can you expect boys to be sure of themselves when you just leave them in the dark about what they are supposed to be sure about? And don’t even get me started on hyper masculinity portrayed in almost every male character I’ve ever seen in a book (honestly, I won’t start on it because I think that a) my point is clear and b) no one would actually have the patience to read this till the end if I did).

So what’s my conclusion? Well, mainly that y/a literature is currently a lot of shit, and it needs to change to fit the needs and interests of the group that it’s trying to reach. The current development in literature aimed towards young women that features a growing hyper-sexualization of teenage boys and a shift to almost exclusively straight romance literature combined with a gradual decrease of writing quality is very concerning, as is the lack of development in literature aimed towards young men, which seems to be stuck in three genres: mystery/thriller, sports, and action/adventure.

#literature #books #y/a #rant #epic rant #im mad #booknerd problems #lists #everything wrong with #y/a literature

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viralnewstime · 5 years

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This week, Facebook invited a small group of journalists — which didn’t include TechCrunch — to look at the “war room” it has set up in Dublin, Ireland, to help monitor its products for election-related content that violates its policies. (“Time and space constraints” limited the numbers, a spokesperson told us when he asked why we weren’t invited.)

Facebook announced it would be setting up this Dublin hub — which will bring together data scientists, researchers, legal and community team members, and others in the organization to tackle issues like fake news, hate speech and voter suppression — back in January. The company has said it has nearly 40 teams working on elections across its family of apps, without breaking out the number of staff it has dedicated to countering political disinformation.

We have been told that there would be “no news items” during the closed tour — which, despite that, is “under embargo” until Sunday — beyond what Facebook and its executives discussed last Friday in a press conference about its European election preparations.

The tour looks to be a direct copy-paste of the one Facebook held to show off its US election “war room” last year, which it did invite us on. (In that case it was forced to claim it had not disbanded the room soon after heavily PR’ing its existence — saying the monitoring hub would be used again for future elections.)

We understand — via a non-Facebook source — that several broadcast journalists were among the invites to its Dublin “war room”. So expect to see a few gauzy inside views at the end of the weekend, as Facebook’s PR machine spins up a gear ahead of the vote to elect the next European Parliament later this month.

It’s clearly hoping shots of serious-looking Facebook employees crowded around banks of monitors will play well on camera and help influence public opinion that it’s delivering an even social media playing field for the EU parliament election. The European Commission is also keeping a close watch on how platforms handle political disinformation before a key vote.

But with the pan-EU elections set to start May 23, and a general election already held in Spain last month, we believe the lack of new developments to secure EU elections is very much to the company’s discredit.

The EU parliament elections are now a mere three weeks away, and there are a lot of unresolved questions and issues Facebook has yet to address. Yet we’re told the attending journalists were once again not allowed to put any questions to the fresh-faced Facebook employees staffing the “war room”.

Ahead of the looming batch of Sunday evening ‘war room tour’ news reports, which Facebook will be hoping contain its “five pillars of countering disinformation” talking points, we’ve compiled a run down of some key concerns and complications flowing from the company’s still highly centralized oversight of political campaigning on its platform — even as it seeks to gloss over how much dubious stuff keeps falling through the cracks.

Worthwhile counterpoints to another highly managed Facebook “election security” PR tour.

No overview of political ads in most EU markets

Since political disinformation created an existential nightmare for Facebook’s ad business with the revelations of Kremlin-backed propaganda targeting the 2016 US presidential election, the company has vowed to deliver transparency — via the launch of a searchable political ad archive for ads running across its products.

The Facebook Ad Library now shines a narrow beam of light into the murky world of political advertising. Before this, each Facebook user could only see the propaganda targeted specifically at them. Now, such ads stick around in its searchable repository for seven years. This is a major step up on total obscurity. (Obscurity that Facebook isn’t wholly keen to lift the lid on, we should add; Its political data releases to researchers so far haven’t gone back before 2017.)

However, in its current form, in the vast majority of markets, the Ad Library makes the user do all the leg work — running searches manually to try to understand and quantify how Facebook’s platform is being used to spread political messages intended to influence voters.

Facebook does also offer an Ad Library Report — a downloadable weekly summary of ads viewed and highest spending advertisers. But it only offers this in four countries globally right now: the US, India, Israel and the UK.

It has said it intends to ship an update to the reports in mid-May. But it’s not clear whether that will make them available in every EU country. (Mid-May would also be pretty late for elections that start May 23.)

So while the UK report makes clear that the new ‘Brexit Party’ is now a leading spender ahead of the EU election, what about the other 27 members of the bloc? Don’t they deserve an overview too?

A spokesperson we talked to about this week’s closed briefing said Facebook had no updates on expanding Ad Library Reports to more countries, in Europe or otherwise.

So, as it stands, the vast majority of EU citizens are missing out on meaningful reports that could help them understand which political advertisers are trying to reach them and how much they’re spending.

Which brings us to…

Facebook’s Ad Archive API is far too limited

In another positive step Facebook has launched an API for the ad archive that developers and researchers can use to query the data. However, as we reported earlier this week, many respected researchers have voiced disappointed with what it’s offering so far — saying the rate-limited API is not nearly open or accessible enough to get a complete picture of all ads running on its platform.

Following this criticism, Facebook’s director of product, Rob Leathern, tweeted a response, saying the API would improve. “With a new undertaking, we’re committed to feedback & want to improve in a privacy-safe way,” he wrote.

The question is when will researchers have a fit-for-purpose tool to understand how political propaganda is flowing over Facebook’s platform? Apparently not in time for the EU elections, either: We asked about this on Thursday and were pointed to Leathern’s tweets as the only update.

This issue is compounded by Facebook also restricting the ability of political transparency campaigners — such as the UK group WhoTargetsMe and US investigative journalism site ProPublica — to monitor ads via browser plug-ins, as the Guardian reported in January.

The net effect is that Facebook is making life hard for civil society groups and public interest researchers to study the flow of political messaging on its platform to try to quantify democratic impacts, and offering only a highly managed level of access to ad data that falls far short of the “political ads transparency” Facebook’s PR has been loudly trumpeting since 2017.

Ad loopholes remain ripe for exploiting

Facebook’s Ad Library includes data on political ads that were active on its platform but subsequently got pulled (made “inactive” in its parlance) because they broke its disclosure rules.

There are multiple examples of inactive ads for the Spanish far right party Vox visible in Facebook’s Ad Library that were pulled for running without the required disclaimer label, for example.

“After the ad started running, we determined that the ad was related to politics and issues of national importance and required the label. The ad was taken down,” runs the standard explainer Facebook offers if you click on the little ‘i’ next to an observation that “this ad ran without a disclaimer”.

What is not at all clear is how quickly Facebook acted to removed rule-breaking political ads.

It is possible to click on each individual ad to get some additional details. Here Facebook provides a per ad breakdown of impressions; genders, ages, and regional locations of the people who saw the ad; and how much was spent on it.

But all those clicks don’t scale. So it’s not possible to get an overview of how effectively Facebook is handling political ad rule breakers. Unless, well, you literally go in clicking and counting on each and every ad…

There is then also the wider question of whether a political advertiser that is found to be systematically breaking Facebook rules should be allowed to keep running ads on its platform.

Because if Facebook does allow that to happen there’s a pretty obvious (and massive) workaround for its disclosure rules: Bad faith political advertisers could simply keep submitting fresh ads after the last batch got taken down.

We were, for instance, able to find inactive Vox ads taken down for lacking a disclaimer that had still been able to rack up thousands — and even tens of thousands — of impressions in the time they were still active.

Facebook needs to be much clearer about how it handles systematic rule breakers.

Definition of political issue ads is still opaque

Facebook currently requires that all political advertisers in the EU go through its authorization process in the country where ads are being delivered if they relate to the European Parliamentary elections, as a step to try and prevent foreign interference.

This means it asks political advertisers to submit documents and runs technical checks to confirm their identity and location. Though it noted, on last week’s call, that it cannot guarantee this ID system cannot be circumvented. (As it was last year when UK journalists were able to successfully place ads paid for by ‘Cambridge Analytica’.)

One other big potential workaround is the question of what is a political ad? And what is an issue ad?

Facebook says these types of ads on Facebook and Instagram in the EU “must now be clearly labeled, including a paid-for-by disclosure from the advertiser at the top of the ad” — so users can see who is paying for the ads and, if there’s a business or organization behind it, their contact details, plus some disclosure about who, if anyone, saw the ads.

But the big question is how is Facebook defining political and issue ads across Europe?

While political ads might seem fairly easy to categorize — assuming they’re attached to registered political parties and candidates, issues are a whole lot more subjective.

Currently Facebook defines issue ads as those relating to “any national legislative issue of public importance in any place where the ad is being run.” It says it worked with EU barometer, YouGov and other third parties to develop an initial list of key issues — examples for Europe include immigration, civil and social rights, political values, security and foreign policy, the economy and environmental politics — that it will “refine… over time.”

Again specifics on when and how that will be refined are not clear. Yet ads that Facebook does not deem political/issue ads will slip right under its radar. They won’t be included in the Ad Library; they won’t be searchable; but they will be able to influence Facebook users under the perfect cover of its commercial ad platform — as before.

So if any maliciously minded propaganda slips through Facebook’s net, because the company decides it’s a non-political issue, it will once again leave no auditable trace.

In recent years the company has also had a habit of announcing major takedowns of what it badges “fake accounts” ahead of major votes. But again voters have to take it on trust that Facebook is getting those judgement calls right.

Facebook continues to bar pan-EU campaigns

On the flip side of weeding out non-transparent political propaganda and/or political disinformation, Facebook is currently blocking the free flow of legal pan-EU political campaigning on its platform.

This issue first came to light several weeks ago, when it emerged that European officials had written to Nick Clegg (Facebook’s vice president of global affairs) to point out that its current rules — i.e. that require those campaigning via Facebook ads to have a registered office in the country where the ad is running — run counter to the pan-European nature of this particular election.

It means EU institutions are in the strange position of not being able to run Facebook ads for their own pan-EU election everywhere across the region. “This runs counter to the nature of EU institutions. By definition, our constituency is multinational and our target audience are in all EU countries and beyond,” the EU’s most senior civil servants pointed out in a letter to the company last month.

This issue impacts not just EU institutions and organizations advocating for particular policies and candidates across EU borders, but even NGOs wanting to run vanilla “get out the vote” campaigns Europe-wide — leading to a number to accuse Facebook of breaching their electoral rights and freedoms.

Facebook claimed last week that the ball is effectively in the regulators’ court on this issue — saying it’s open to making the changes but has to get their agreement to do so. A spokesperson confirmed to us that there is no update to that situation, either.

Of course the company may be trying to err on the side of caution, to prevent bad actors being able to interfere with the vote across Europe. But at what cost to democratic freedoms?

What about fake news spreading on WhatsApp?

Facebook’s ‘election security’ initiatives have focused on political and/or politically charged ads running across its products. But there’s no shortage of political disinformation flowing unchecked across its platforms as user uploaded ‘content’.

On the Facebook-owned messaging app WhatsApp, which is hugely popular in some European markets, the presence of end-to-end encryption further complicates this issue by providing a cloak for the spread of political propaganda that’s not being regulated by Facebook.

In a recent study of political messages spread via WhatsApp ahead of last month’s general election in Spain, the campaign group Avaaz dubbed it “social media’s dark web” — claiming the app had been “flooded with lies and hate”.

“Posts range from fake news about Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez signing a secret deal for Catalan independence to conspiracy theories about migrants receiving big cash payouts, propaganda against gay people and an endless flood of hateful, sexist, racist memes and outright lies,” it wrote.

Avaaz compiled this snapshot of politically charged messages and memes being shared on Spanish WhatsApp by co-opting 5,833 local members to forward election-related content that they deemed false, misleading or hateful.

It says it received a total of 2,461 submissions — which is of course just a tiny, tiny fraction of the stuff being shared in WhatsApp groups and chats. Which makes this app the elephant in Facebook’s election ‘war room’.

What exactly is a war room anyway?

Facebook has said its Dublin Elections Operation Center — to give it its official title — is “focused on the EU elections”, while also suggesting it will plug into a network of global teams “to better coordinate in real time across regions and with our headquarters in California [and] accelerate our rapid response times to fight bad actors and bad content”.

But we’re concerned Facebook is sending out mixed — and potentially misleading — messages about how its election-focused resources are being allocated.

Our (non-Facebook) source told us the 40-odd staffers in the Dublin hub during the press tour were simultaneously looking at the Indian elections. If that’s the case, it does not sound entirely “focused” on either the EU or India’s elections.

Facebook’s eponymous platform has 2.375 billion monthly active users globally, with some 384 million MAUs in Europe. That’s more users than in the US (243M MAUs). Though Europe is Facebook’s second-biggest market in terms of revenues after the US. Last quarter, it pulled in $3.65BN in sales for Facebook (versus $7.3BN for the US) out of $15BN overall.

Apart from any kind of moral or legal pressure that Facebook might have for running a more responsible platform when it comes to supporting democratic processes, these numbers underscore the business imperative that it has to get this sorted out in Europe in a better way.

Having a “war room” may sound like a start, but unfortunately Facebook is presenting it as an end in itself. And its foot-dragging on all of the bigger issues that need tackling, in effect, means the war will continue to drag on.

from Social – TechCrunch https://tcrn.ch/2DNPAOH

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sheminecrafts · 5 years

Text

When it comes to elections, Facebook moves slow, may still break things

Worthwhile counterpoints to another highly managed Facebook “election security” PR tour.

No overview of political ads in most EU markets

A spokesperson we talked to about this week’s closed briefing said Facebook had no updates on expanding Ad Library Reports to more countries, in Europe or otherwise.

Which brings us to…

Facebook’s Ad Archive API is far too limited

Ad loopholes remain ripe for exploiting

Facebook’s Ad Library includes data on political ads that were active on its platform but subsequently got pulled (made “inactive” in its parlance) because they broke its disclosure rules.

There are multiple examples of inactive ads for the Spanish far right party Vox visible in Facebook’s Ad Library that were pulled for running without the required disclaimer label, for example.

What is not at all clear is how quickly Facebook acted to removed rule-breaking political ads.

There is then also the wider question of whether a political advertiser that is found to be systematically breaking Facebook rules should be allowed to keep running ads on its platform.

Facebook needs to be much clearer about how it handles systematic rule breakers.

Definition of political issue ads is still opaque

One other big potential workaround is the question of what is a political ad? And what is an issue ad?

But the big question is how is Facebook defining political and issue ads across Europe?

While political ads might seem fairly easy to categorize — assuming they’re attached to registered political parties and candidates, issues are a whole lot more subjective.

So if any maliciously minded propaganda slips through Facebook’s net, because the company decides it’s a non-political issue, it will once again leave no auditable trace.

Facebook continues to bar pan-EU campaigns

Of course the company may be trying to err on the side of caution, to prevent bad actors being able to interfere with the vote across Europe. But at what cost to democratic freedoms?

What about fake news spreading on WhatsApp?

What exactly is a war room anyway?

But we’re concerned Facebook is sending out mixed — and potentially misleading — messages about how its election-focused resources are being allocated.

from iraidajzsmmwtv https://tcrn.ch/2DNPAOH via IFTTT

#IFTTT #iraidajzsmmwtv

0 notes

endenogatai · 5 years

Text

When it comes to elections, Facebook moves slow, may still break things

Worthwhile counterpoints to another highly managed Facebook “election security” PR tour.

No overview of political ads in most EU markets

A spokesperson we talked to about this week’s closed briefing said Facebook had no updates on expanding Ad Library Reports to more countries, in Europe or otherwise.

Which brings us to…

Facebook’s Ad Archive API is far too limited

Ad loopholes remain ripe for exploiting

Facebook’s Ad Library includes data on political ads that were active on its platform but subsequently got pulled (made “inactive” in its parlance) because they broke its disclosure rules.

There are multiple examples of inactive ads for the Spanish far right party Vox visible in Facebook’s Ad Library that were pulled for running without the required disclaimer label, for example.

What is not at all clear is how quickly Facebook acted to removed rule-breaking political ads.

There is then also the wider question of whether a political advertiser that is found to be systematically breaking Facebook rules should be allowed to keep running ads on its platform.

Facebook needs to be much clearer about how it handles systematic rule breakers.

Definition of political issue ads is still opaque

One other big potential workaround is the question of what is a political ad? And what is an issue ad?

But the big question is how is Facebook defining political and issue ads across Europe?

While political ads might seem fairly easy to categorize — assuming they’re attached to registered political parties and candidates, issues are a whole lot more subjective.

So if any maliciously minded propaganda slips through Facebook’s net, because the company decides it’s a non-political issue, it will once again leave no auditable trace.

Facebook continues to bar pan-EU campaigns

Of course the company may be trying to err on the side of caution, to prevent bad actors being able to interfere with the vote across Europe. But at what cost to democratic freedoms?

What about fake news spreading on WhatsApp?

What exactly is a war room anyway?

But we’re concerned Facebook is sending out mixed — and potentially misleading — messages about how its election-focused resources are being allocated.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8204425 https://tcrn.ch/2DNPAOH via IFTTT

#IFTTT #RSSMix.com Mix ID 8204425

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