#but i hope this allays some of your fears anon

[citrus-cactus]

I’ll keep myself under anon because I’m afraid of people’s reactions to my own opinions… But I didn’t like how DtM treated one of the most iconic Daisuke scenes with a not-so-funny joke (in my opinion – please don’t take it personally) when the original scene was about Daisuke putting himself in Wallace’s shoes and admitting he wouldn’t be able to take V-mon down if V-mon had turned into the enemy. So may I ask if the redub uncut version changed that joke? Is it closer to the original meaning of the scene? I’m concerned about this one scene actually…

I'm not offended! I don’t begrudge anyone for disliking certain jokes or the whole of Digimon: the Movie (goodness knows that, while I have a fondness for and the most familiarity with the American English dub, certain lines/jokes REALLY grate on me). I don't want my inbox to turn into original vs. dub wars or an all-out hatefest for either the old OR new dub, but you're fine, and I hope I can allay your fears a bit!

I believe I know exactly which joke you're talking about, and it's nowhere to be found in the new dub. FWIW, I thought that the new version of this whole scene was EXTREMELY well done and faithful to the original (with the caveat that it's faithful as far as I know; I have not actually seen the Hudie sub because I'm allergic to torrents, so I'm operating from knowledge of prior/less accurate subbed versions here). Davis mentions exactly what you describe, and all the voice actors deliver their lines with appropriate seriousness and emotion that matches how the characters look on screen. I KNOW I squealed, at least twice (I squealed a lot during this movie. Even with imperfect knowledge of the original, I'm quite sure they did justice to the original intent of the scene, as well as the original characterization of Daisuke, Wallace, and Terriermon throughout the the film, even if the adaptation isn’t precisely one-to-one). Once it’s released, I’m hoping there will be future discussions about how faithful the redub actually is because I’m intensely curious, but I believe, at this point, it’s quite good. I don’t want to spoil the things that I noticed, but I think people will be pleasantly surprised at just how much of the original Japanese material made it into the redub.

I debated about whether or not to say this, but in the interest of full disclosure I will say that the new dub added one line that maintains a certain aspect of Davis' characterization from the original AmEng dub that I believe some Daisuke fans do not appreciate, and it also kept one line from the original version of Hurricane Touchdown that I wish they had altered in some way. The first is not a deal-breaker for me, the second is the main reason I say this film is *almost* perfect, and not *actually* perfect.

Putting them under a cut in case you don't want to know, also *technically* just my opinion, etc.

The joke that they added in the redub is having Davis condescendingly call TK by another name ("TJ") when he and Kari finally arrive at the flower field. It's really quick, it's the only time it happens, and it felt more like a throwaway reference to the original American English dub than a true joke... but it's there, and I know that might bother some people. Sorry if you're one of those people, but at least you’re forewarned (like I said, I don’t personally mind this and um… point for dub consistency?).

(Sidebar, but if you’re worried about Davis being excessively possessive of Kari, I don’t believe they added anything there. He does mention her a bunch, but IIRC that’s true of the original, and nothing that Davis said stood out to me as being OOC for Daisuke in that regard.)

The original joke that they kept but IMO should have altered is Terriermon and Demiveemon making fatphobic jokes at Willis' mom's expense…. yikes. That joke didn't work in the original, and it definitely doesn't work in the year 2023. I’m not sure how they could have altered it (have Terriermon just being goofy and trying to make Demiveemon laugh is probably about as good as you could do), but I do find it unfortunate and in poor taste; it's the one genuine misstep, in my eyes.

#asks #anon #digimon american english dub #digimon adventure 02 #hurricane touchdown #willis/wallace

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

hey! I only recently started reading acotar (i'm on the third book) and I love love love Lucien, and I'm super excited at the prospect of him and Elain... actually they are the main reason I'm reading at this point but all I've seen on twt is about the other ship for Elain 😔 Is there any hope for Elain x Lucien in the later books?? I'm asking bc I don't want to get major spoilers but also I'm tired of getting my heart broken by non endgame ships lol

Welcome to the Lucien and Elucien train!! We're very happy to have to you! 😊💕

I wouldn't worry about what people are saying on twitter. Just because one part of the fandom is more vocal doesn't mean their ship is more popular or that it has more chance of happening in canon. Right now neither ship is canon. But absolutely there is hope for Elucien!!

First Elucien are mates. Sarah loves mates/soulmates. We've seen that with Feysand and Nessian, and I don't know if you've read Throne of Glass but the main ship in that series are also mates and the main ship in Sarah's other series, Crescent City also show signs of being soulmates. Sarah loves writing about that deep soulmate type of love! They might have to overcome obstacles but ultimately they choose each other.

Also Sarah has talked about how in her early planning she briefly considered making Nesta and lucien mates but quickly realised they wouldn't work together/would tear each other apart. If Sarah really wanted to write about a rejected mating bond she could have left Nesta and Lucien mates and had them reject the bond. But she didn't because she loves soulmates.

Sarah has also said this about Elucien "there was actually a great deal of tension, growth and healing to be found for both of them together" She's never said anything ever about the other ship as far as I know? Certainly nothing romantic.

There is so much potential for healing between Elain and Lucien. One of the things I love about Elucien is they have so much in common. They're both gentle souls. Some people might not realise that about Lucien, but he really is. Lucien is someone who is deeply traumatised from violence, you see it in the first book in the scene when the injured Faery is brought into the Spring Court manor and he's deeply distressed by it. It clearly triggers his ptsd from his own trauma, but it also shows us that Lucien is someone who can't stomach violence, at least not in the way some of the other characters do. And Elain, well at this stage, since we haven't really seen her development or gotten her pov yet, being a kind gentle heart is really her defining character trait. They're two characters who would cherish a peaceful life away from war and violence. Two characters with the potential to be so soft together, to provide each other with a safe space to be vulnerable, and show their weaknesses and talk about their trauma. And be comforted by the other and have the other understand. They have such complimentary personalities. Something the other ship doesn't have. Azriel is a torturer (I love Az btw so this isn't a critiscm just observations about his character) he is filled with a cold hard rage, something Elain hasn't seen from him/doesn't truely know about him. And currently he's most definitely not one to open up and share about his own trauma, which certaintly doesn't work for two characters making a healing journey together. Something Sarah, as shown above see's as important. Elain and Azriel are simply too different imo. And I know people can argue opposite's attract. But opposite's attract only applies to a certain point, with certain things. If two people are just fundementally different a relationship won't work between them long term.

Meanwhile Elain and Lucien have just enough differences that they're not too similar but have enough in common to mesh really well together.

And even their differences are complimentary. Lucien has a bit of bite and sass about him, and that's something I think Elain needs to help bring her out of her shell. Elain is someone who has been coddled and infantalised and sheltered, people don't challenge her or speak freely to her, they censor themselves around her. Very minor spoilers seeing as you're only up to the third book, but in the 5th book, Acosf there's a moment where Nesta snaps/swears at Elain, and Nesta immediately regrets it because you don't talk to sweet precious Elain like that. But Elain just laughs. Elain wants people to speak freely to her, to stop sheltering her and show her some sass and bite. And who's the perfect person to do that, our boy Lucien!! Again some minor spoilers but I love this comparison

Lucien in Acotar

Elain in Acosf

Look at this parallel between them *chefs kiss*

Like Sarah said these are two characters that will push growth in each other and challenge each other. In a way that Azriel and Elain don't. Azriel, and this is very apparent in Acosf, coddles Elain, he speaks for her, makes choices for her, wants to stops her from doing things, without ever thinking about or asking Elain what she wants. He does it to protect her but is disregarding her choice. Lucien on the other hand, and again some spoilers if you haven't reached the end of Acowar yet this is after the final battle

He's clearly worried about her but he doesn't let HIS worry/fear get in the way of HER agency.

"And I heard you made the killing blow" He sounds almost proud of her, like he would encourage her despite his own worry, and wants to see her strong and flourish.

What I also love in this scene is that again it shows how their both gentle hearts. "Well I never want to fight in another battle as long as I live" Lucien will fight and do what he needs to (and so will Elain if she has to). But Lucien isn't a warrior he would much rather never have to see war or battle ever again.

And then we have multiple references to Elain needing sunlight, needing to get outside, needing light to thrive. Again minor spoilers but there is also a scene in Acosf where Elain is wearing black and it's mentioned how she looks plain, overwhelmed, subdued by the colour, like it doesn't suit her at all. There are a lot of subtle references suggesting Elain doesn't quite truely belong in the Night Court, that it's not where she can thrive. And who is associated with two courts, Spring and Day, where Elain could thrive? Who is associated with fire and warmth and light? Who is the heir of the day court? You got it our boy Lucien. Elain needs light and Lucien is light!! Literally the name Lucien means light! Coincidence? I think not.

Another similarity between them is Lucien is a diplomat, someone who uses words and charm and communication to keep the peace between courts. And Elain is said by Feyre to be be able to convince people to do anything, to charm them, to excel in social settings. And she was the one who kept the peace between her family, was the bridge between her father, Nesta and Feyre. And Imagine if in the future Lucien takes on a role in the day court or (and I'm sorry Helion) for whatever reason becomes the High Lord of Day Court, Elain could be an amazing Lady of Day, would flourish and charm at court balls or social occassions. Not to mention they both have great hair and are always put together/dressed immaculately. Like they would be A PAIR!

Then there's the gifts Lucien gives Elain (again minor spoilers for Acofas and Acosf) which are so thoughtful. In Acofas he gives her magical gardening gloves knowing gardening is something she loves and that she doesn't have any. And in Acosf he gives her pearl earrings, and pearls are somehing that are mentioned in relation to Elain a couple of other times. But it's like Lucien has noticed they're something she likes? These are just minor things but it's interesting that Sarah included them in her writing. It's almost as if she's subtly trying to hint that Lucien notices things about Elain, and see's her in a way that perhaps other's don't?

Also there's that Elain is very traditional and adheres to a quite a traditional type of femininity and Lucien is a complete and utter gentleman, who absolutely respects Elain and her needs. The potential for them to have an old fashioned courting romance asdgjkgfsa my heart the softness!! I also think they're going to end up being the epitome of your lover is your best friend.

And lastly, in Acosf there is a bonus chapter from Az's pov which ends with Azriel's focus on another character, and I would say personally that this chapter very clearly sinks that other ship.

Anyway in conclusion Elucien are going to be the most beautiful, softest, sweetest, supportive, with some sass as well, ship. So don't worry my friend. And even in the very small chance they don't become canon we can still enjoy all of these things about them in fanon. They will be canon though lol

#elucien #lucien vanserra #elain archeron #lucien #elain #asks #long post #this got really long I'm sorry lol #but i hope this allays some of your fears anon

[halsteadlover]

Come Back To Me Baby

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: Jay x reader where she has a car accident and Jay is all worried? Thank you xx

• Warnings: little bit of angst, mention of blood, pregnancy and injuries, curse words.

• Word count: 5820.

• A/N: what can I say I'm just a sucker for angst at this point 💀 I don't like this piece one bit (shocking), but I hope you do. I couldn't bring myself to proof read it so I'm sorry for any mistake. Comment, like and reblog if you want. Thank you so much for everything, my inbox is always open if you want to send requests or even just talk ❤️ Love you all 💝

You were absolutely in shock.

Your eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing as they kept staring at the test you had in your hands for what felt like hours. You couldn't believe it, it all seemed to be in a dream.

But it wasn't.

It was reality, it was really happening.

You were pregnant.

A mix of emotions went through you, fear, anxiety, worry but, above all, happiness.

You were happy.

You were going to be a mother and that feeling was unmatched, it was overwhelming, something you had never felt before.

Tears started running down your cheeks as you stroked your belly, barely believing a new life was creating inside you, that in a few months you would be holding your baby in your arms. 

It wasn't planned at all. Of course you've always wanted a family but you never thought it would happen so soon. The thought you couldn't be ready, despite the happiness and joy, crossed your mind, you had to admit it. But the problem wasn't even being ready because, damn it you were, it was the devastating fear of falling short, the fear of not being the perfect mother your baby deserved that really paralized you.

You wiped your tears quickly, trying to gain back control by taking some deep breaths. 

Your thought about Jay. You knew he had always wanted to be a father and you couldn't contain the impatience, just the thought of how happy he would be made your heart explode with joy.

Jay was at work that afternoon and never before you had been so impatient for him to come back home. Time never went by as slowly as it did then and you were literally on the verge of pulling out all your nails and having a nervous breakdown. You tried to keep yourself busy doing housework, watching some movies but nothing could allay your anxiety and nervousness.

When you heard the front door close, signifying Jay was back, your heart literally leapt in your chest. You jumped from the sofa, immediately reaching your boyfriend who at that moment was taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat hanger.

“Hi baby” you greeted him with enthusiasm and the biggest smile on your face but when you noticed his silence you knew immediatel something was wrong. Your smile started to fade. He hadn't greeted you like he always did whenever he came back home, he didn't look back at you, he didn't even glance at you. He was visibly tense and you figured something bad had happened at work, possibly a bad case he was working on.

“Hey is everything okay?” you asked, visibly worried.

“Yes,” he replied simply, not even looking at you. His tone was as cold as the Antarctic and never before he had addressed you like that. Without saying another word, he passed you and walked briskly towards the kitchen.

A frown appeared on your face, not being able to understand the reason for his behavior in the slightest. You followed him, stopping at the door and seeing he was pouring himself whiskey into a glass tumbler which he drank in one gulp as he continued to ignore you. You wrinkled your nose at the pungent smell, trying to suppress the retching.

Damn it since when did you become so sensitive to smells?

“Jay. Did something happen?” you asked but there was still silence, he just kept ignoring you. Knowing he'd never talk, you kept going. “You know you can talk to me.”

“For fucks sake Y/N nothing happened leave me alone!” he exclaimed and for the first time looked up at you. Your heart dropped and you opened your eyes wide in surprise, not expecting that abrupt and aggressive tone.

“What's wrong with you?!” you asked completely dumbfounded. What the hell? Why was he acting like this?

“Oh my fucking god Y/N!” Jay exclaimed in frustration, angrily hitting his hand on the table and almost swinging the whiskey bottle and glass over it. You almost jumped but he didn't care, he kept looking at you with furious expression, as if you were the reason everything was wrong. “I said nothing happened drop it!”

“It's clear something happened if you are acting this way” you replied, bringing your arms to your chest and crossing them in a protective way. Jay sighed deeply as if refraining from saying something bad and, once again, ignored you completely. He left the kitchen, passing you without even acknowledging your presence as he headed for the bedroom.

You followed him, your heart pounding and your stomach tightened in a vice. What the hell happened to him? Why was he so mad at you? Your mind began to retrace the events of the day and you were pretty sure nothing had happened between you since everything was fine until the morning. You weren't the problem, he was acting crazy.

“Jay don't go away from me damn! Are you going to do this all evening?!” you exclaimed and froze as he whirled towards you, his features contracted with anger.

“Goddamn Y/N what part of ‘leave me alone’ you don't understand? Are you that stupid?!”

“Oh my God Jay... What the fuck is wrong with you?!” you exclaimed incredulously for the second time, feeling anger take over you too.

Stay calm, stress is not good for the baby. You kept repeating yourself but, god, Jay wasn't making your job easy.

“It's none of your fucking business! Stop bothering me for fucks sake!”

“First of all who the fuck do you think you are talking to me like this?! Do you actually listen to yourself?!” you almost yelled “Second, don't you dare raise your voice at me do you hear me?! I'm your girlfriend not your fucking punch bag, if something bad happened leave your shit out of this house and don't blame me for it!”

Jay's expression remained completely the same, stoic, your words didn't strike him in the least. “Well if you don't like this you can leave me the fuck alone, no one is forcing you to stay.”

You were in total shock, you couldn't believe what he was saying. He kept his back at you, not even looking at you.

“Fuck you!”

And with these words you turned and walked away, leaving him there in the bedroom. You took your car keys and, with pinching eyes, walked out of the house, slamming with force the door behind you.

As if someone had pushed a button inside you, as the door closed the tears began to fall copiously down your cheeks. As you walked to your car you couldn't help but wonder how it all happened, damn it, until that morning everything was so perfect, he was smiling and happy. What the hell happened that upset him so much?

You got in your car and, without a precise destination, you started driving through the streets of Chicago.

You kept thinking about the argument. It wasn't your Jay that person, you couldn't recognize him. At other times maybe you would've tried even more insistently to understand what was happening to him but at that moment you just wanted to go as far as possible, calm down and clear your mind.

You couldn't wait to give him the good news, tell him you were going to be a family and instead he treated you no worse than a patch. 

You didn't know if it was the hormones or the terrible fight with Jay, but you just couldn't stop crying. Your vision was almost completely blurred with tears and as you drove your mind couldn't help wandering elsewhere rather than focusing on the road. You kept thinking and rethinking about Jay's words, the aggression with which he had spoken them to you. It had already happened he had a bad day, like something at work wasn't going well, being a cop for Jay this happened very often, but this time was different, he never treated you like this. You had always been there for him, you always tried to be helpful, to listen to him and his problems but that didn't mean he had to disrespect you like he did.

Your cell phone rang a couple of times but you ignored it completely, not even bothering to drop the call. You didn't even know who he was, even though it really couldn't be anyone but Jay.

You took advantage of a red light where you stopped to take the phone from your bag and unplug the call, but not before reading Jay's name and letting a curse slip away.

“Fuck off,” you said sobbing, your face streaked with tears, after you tossed your phone in the passenger seat when the light turned green.

It all happened in a second, you didn't even realize it.

A car had hit you right on your side but you didn't realize the crumpled hood, the glass shattering, and the sound of squealing tires.

The impact was so strong it made you slam into the steering wheel causing the airbag to open but you didn't realize it because it all happened so quickly. But, god, it all happened so slowly at the same time it seemed like you were watching all the events in slow motion.

And with the same speed you found yourself being sucked into a vortex of deep darkness, completely losing consciousness.

Help arrived at the accident scene almost immediately, someone had called 911 and the firefighters to be able to get you out of the heap of tin and metal your car had become. It was a bad accident and the rescuers almost found it hard to believe you were still alive.

They took you to Med's right away and Maggie was the first to see you. A sound of amazement left her mouth as she recognized you, her heart beating wildly.

“Unknown female, car accident, severe head injury, GCS 8, reactive pupils, blood pressure 90/60, heart rate 102, saturation 93%,” the paramedic explained quickly.

“I know her” replied Maggie as she looked at you “Trauma 3 and call Dr. Halstead immediately!”

“Maggie what...” Will spoke as he ran into the room but he froze when he noticed the patient lying on the bed. His eyes widened, incredulous and fearing for an instant he might be hallucinating.

“She had a car accident,” Maggie explained before Will walked over to the bed, never taking his eyes off you.

“Oh god” he muttered under his breath, taking a deep breath as if trying to regain control of himself. He couldn't believe it, it must be a bad dream.

“Will,” Maggie called him back, noticing how for a moment he was lost “Can you do this? Should I call someone else?”

“No, I can do it” he replied with authority, he wouldn't let anyone else take care of you. His brother would've killed him for this. “We need to do a head CT, chest x-ray, venous access, connect her to the monitor and give her oxygen” he ordered and everyone in that room began to work. Will started to do an ultrasound to check for internal bleeding but what he found left him completely in shock.

“Maggie” Will spoke before turning to Maggie as if he had seen a ghost. She looked up at him and when she looked up at the monitor, her eyes and mouth flew open in shock.

“Oh shit,” she muttered “Is... Is the baby okay?” she asked, almost dreading the answer.

Why on earth hadn't his brother told him you were expecting a baby? Maybe he didn't know it yet, or maybe you didn't either. But the most important question was: what happened and why wasn't Jay there? Where the hell had he gone?

The monitors suddenly started ringing, especially the one that signaled the saturation which was dropping quickly at that moment.

“Saturation down to 86% despite the oxygen,” Maggie spoke in alarm.

“Damn it,” Will said “We need to intubate her, get the kit ready immediately.”

He tried to keep his cool and treat you like any other patient even though you weren't. You were his brother's girlfriend, one of his closest friends, he would never forgive himself if something bad happened and he couldn't save you.

“Okay, I'm in.”

Your parameters stabilized when they began to ventilate you but the concern was the head injury, which seemed quite severe.

“Let's get her to radiology for a full body CT scan and call the neurologist, I want him to run every exam possible and imaginable,” Will ordered. “Maggie,” he called before she left the room.

“I'm not leaving her alone, Will.”

He nodded and stood alone in the room when everyone left, looking down at his bloodied hands.

How was he supposed to call Jay?

Jay was on the verge of losing his mind after yet another missed call. It had been almost two hours since he had last seen you and he hadn't heard from you yet.

“C'mon answer please” he muttered to himself, the phone to his ear as he called you for the umpteenth time that evening. “Fuck!” he exclaimed when the voice mail clicked again “Y/N baby... I'm so sorry I know you're mad at me, I was such an asshole but please answer me, just let me know if you're okay... Please...”

Jay realized sitting on the couch wouldn't lead to anything so he decided to get up and try to find you. Maybe you were at some friend's house and he was just worrying too much, but he needed to know you were okay, to apologize for being such an asshole.

Jay sat on the couch, throwing the phone beside him and putting his hands on his face as he tried to control the fury, the sadness that tormented him. What the fuck was going through his head? There was absolutely no explanation for how he had treated you, especially when all you wanted to do was help him and know what was bothering him so much.

He had always promised himself to never bring work home since he wanted to avoid situations like these. But that night he had broken his promise and the result was he didn't even know where you were or if you were okay. The thought that you could be alone, sad and hurt because of him was destroying him, he just couldn't give himself peace.

He was driving through the streets where the places you used to go were, obviously without stopping calling you, when suddenly his cell phone started ringing. His heart skipped a beat and he immediately answered the call without even checking who it was.

“Y/N!” Jay immediately exclaimed, heart pounding as he hoped with all his heart to hear your voice.

“Jay,” he heard on the other end of the phone and immediately recognized it was his brother Will.

“Will, I can't talk now,” Jay replied quickly, not even imagining the reason for his brother's call.

“Jay, it's important,” Will spoke taking a deep breath and trying to find the right words to tell him what had happened.

“So? Will, spill it I don't have time now...” Jay mumbled, taking a turn off, the phone to his ear as he continued driving.

“It's about Y/N,” Will said, almost fearful and those words were enough for Jay to feel his heart stop in his chest.

“Will I swear to God if you don't speak within three seconds. What happened to her? Do you know where she is? Is she okay ? Tell me she is alright please...”

“Jay,” he took a deep breath. “She had an accident. You have to come here to Med's right away.”

Jay's braking was so abrupt it nearly caused another crash. The car behind him just had time to stop before bumping into him but Jay didn't give a fuck, he didn't even hear all the horns ringing and the drivers yelling at him as they passed him.

Will's words continued to echo in his mind like a mantra as his worst fear and nightmare became reality.

She had an accident.

It was all his fault, entirely his fault.

She had an accident.

“Jay, you still there man?” Will called back when he heard no answer from his brother.

“I'm coming.”

Jay had never driven as crazy as he had done then, he passed all the cars, he didn't even stop at red lights, risking several times to end up in an accident himself.

“Will! Where is she? Is she okay?” Jay immediately asked as soon as he saw his brother and Will never worried about him like then, Jay seemed on the verge of having a collapse and a heart attack at the same time. He was breathing hard, an expression of pure terror stamped on his face.

He literally ran to the hospital, frantically searching for Will.

“She has a head injury, we've intubated her and she is now doing the CT scan, the parameters are stable but we should wait for the results to find out more. For now they are both fine.”

Jay looked at him in confusion. “Both?”

“She... You didn't know?”

“Know what for fuck's sake!” Jay exclaimed, on the verge of punching his brother.

Will sighed before speaking. “She is pregnant, Jay.”

“What?”

Jay felt the earth fail beneath his feet, as if something was trying to swallow him. He looked at Will as if a second head popped out and for a moment he thought he didn't hear it right.

“Yeah, for almost 7 weeks now.”

Jay bought his hands to his mouth, completely in shock.

You were pregnant.

He was about to become a father and because of him he almost lost both of you. For his horrible behavior she had risked losing the love of his life and his unborn child.

Will put his hands on his brother's shoulders and pulled him into a warm hug. Jay burst into tears in Will's arms, thinking and rethinking about the fight and how everything could've been avoided.

“It's my fault... It's all my fault...” he cried, his face wet with tears.

“It's not your fault Jay, it was just a horrible accident.”

“Yes it is!” he exclaimed, jerking away from Will's grasp, eyes full of tears and red from crying. “It's just my fault! I acted like a piece of shit with her. We... We had an argument and I told her to leave...” he blurted out raising his voice, not caring about the others present “She... It's all my fault, I almost killed her and my baby!”

“Jay stop for a second please, listen to me” Will stopped him, placing his hands on both Jay's shoulders “None of this was your fault, as I said it was a horrible accident. I'm sure neither her blames you. It can happen to be angry, to say...”

“If you had heard what I said to her, you wouldn't say that” Jay cut him off, walking away from him and sitting on one of the chairs there. He rested his elbows on his knees, his hands covering his face as Will sat down beside him. “Will if something happens to her or to the baby...”

It was Will's turn to cut him off. “Nothing's gonna happen to either of them. She's strong you know her, she's gonna make it and you will clear up all your misunderstandings even if this will end up with her beating your ass.”

Jay chuckled bitterly through the tears, standing up straight and wiping the tears away. “She definitely will and I don't even care. I would let her cut my balls off and I wouldn't say anything... I just want her back man.”

“She'll be fine I promise. I'm here with you,” Will said, squeezing Jay's shoulder.

“How much does it take for this fucking CT?!” Jay exclaimed after a while as he kept pacing around the waiting room, starting to lose the last bit of patience he had left.

“I'm going to check, stay here and don't move okay?”

“Oh god” he gasped when he realized, bringing his hands back to his face, unable to stop the tears pouring from his eyes again. You wanted to tell him, you were going to tell him you were pregnant but he didn't let you, he just treated you like shit.

Jay nodded before sitting back down and snorting. He ran his hands through his hair for the thousandth time in less than five minutes, frustrated, furious.

He couldn't stop thinking about the moment you greeted him as soon as he walked into the house, the huge smile you had put on his lips.

He was standing in front of your bed, about to sit down. Will told him the CT scan was thankfully clean and there was no internal injury or brain damage, they just had to wait for you to wake up. His heart was beating madly, so fast it was about to stop. He couldn't get rid of the pain that kept squeezing his chest in a vice, it was awful.

Seeing you lying on that bed, unconscious, with those threads attached to your body and the tube in your mouth was much more painful than he ever imagined. You didn't have to be there, you had to be at home with him and celebrate the wonderful news you should've given him.

“Baby please wake up,” he whispered, taking your hand in his, stamping a kiss on top of it as he kept looking at you with all the love he felt for you. “I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry. I know it doesn't make sense now, I know it's all my fault, if anyone's gotta be here that's me... Oh love you didn't deserve this, neither of you deserved this, I'm so sorry.”

Jay pulled up a chair and sat down cautiously next to you, almost as if he was afraid. His eyes looked closely at your face, your features, and despite the scratches, bruises and wounds, you were still the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his life.

You were so fucking gorgeous.

“I was a piece of shit, I shouldn't have behaved like that, not with you, I shouldn't have kicked you out like that. You're the only person who can make me happy, who can make me forget all the shit there is this world and you didn't deserve what I said. I love you so much, more than I have ever loved even myself and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you forgive me,” he paused and sniffed as he tried to stop crying “I'm so sorry, my love... Open your eyes please, those eyes I love so much and I fell in love with so madly, please wake up. We have to raise our baby, have our own family. Come back to me baby, I'm nothing without you... Please.”

The hours went by and you still showed no sign of waking up. Jay stayed by your side the entire time, he didn't even leave you for a second, despite Will's attempt to tell him to go and take a nap. Jay refused, he had promised himself he'd never leave you alone, he wanted to be there when you'd open your eyes.

The other team members, as soon as they heard the news, immediately went to the hospital to check on you and Jay, who obviously reported he wasn't going to work that day.

He stayed at your bedside the whole time, he never let go of your hand, he stroked your belly from time to time, he talked to you hoping you'd hear him and wake up.

“Baby please wake up, I can't do this without you. I'm so sorry,” he spoke as he kept looking at you “I know there is no justification for how I behaved and you can make me pay for it but please, please wake up love.”

Nothing.

Jay stood up and kissed your forehead, stroking your hair at the same time.

“Come back to me baby, please” he whispered, feeling his eyes fill with tears as he sat back down. He had cried so much during that night he thought he was dehydrated.

But then when he felt your hand lightly squeeze his he thought he was seriously hallucinating. His gaze snapped to your hands and as soon as he saw your fingers were actually moving he nearly had a heart attack.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” he exclaimed, leaping to his feet and going for Will. His rushed into the room, thinking the worst. “She moved... She's waking up!”

Will walked over to your bed, giving you a general look “Jay...” he started talking but stopped when he noticed the way you blinked “You're right man,” he pulled out the pen with the light and he ran it over your eyes, noticing how reactive the pupils were “Y/N can you hear me?”

Jay didn't take his eyes off you as Will continued to examine you. You were visibly confused, as if you couldn't even figure out where you were.

“She's breathing on her own” Will said with a smile when he turned off the ventilation machinery and never before has Jay felt such relief. “Now I'm going to extubate you, I'm sorry if this will bother you,” and with this he started pulling out the tube, making you cough.

“Will be careful,” Jay said as he stood one step back watching until then.

“It's okay. Welcome back Y/n/n.” “Do you know where you are?” Will asked.

You looked around and nodded faintly. “In the hospital.”

Jay was afraid of starting to cry again but this time with joy. He missed hearing your voice, so fucking much.

God, you felt like you were under the influence of some drug.

“Do you know why you are here?”

You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the intercostal twinges. Flashbacks of the accident and the car headlights that blinded you before the impact made their way into your mind. You squeezed your eyes, nodding again. “A car accident.”

You felt your eyes fill with tears and one running down your cheek as you searched for the exact word to ask that question. “Is... The baby...”

“The baby's fine Y/N, you don't have to worry,” Will replied and you released the breath you didn't even know you were holding. You brought a hand to your belly, gently stroking it.

“Where's Jay?”

Will looked at his brother behind him and you followed his gaze, only then noticing Jay was there. Your eyes met his, swollen and red as if he'd spent hours crying. His hair was a little messy, his clothes creased and you recognized the ones he wore the night before.

“I'm here” he whispered, stuck, and never before he felt so confused, not knowing what to do or how to act.

Was he always here?

“I'll leave you two alone for a moment,” Will interjected “I'm out here if you need it. I'm glad you're okay Y/N” he continued, placing a hand on your shoulder and squeezing it lightly.

“Thank you Will.”

He left you and Jay alone, not before giving his brother a pat on his back.

There was a moment of silence when you looked at each other, both of you not knowing what to say.

“How are you feeling?” Jay was the first to ask.

“Like I've been hit by a car,” you replied, the tone slightly bitter.

Jay sighed and looked down, running his hands over his face. God how much he hated that situation, how much he hated doing this to you, how much he hated the way you were looking at him.

“Can I sit?” he asked, pointing to the chair next to your bed. You nodded, not trusting your voice in that moment.

“So you know?” you asked, after a couple of seconds of deafening silence.

“Will told me, he also told me you're about 7 weeks.”

“7 weeks” you repeated, your hand continuing to caress your belly as you looked at the ceiling. It was so unbelievable, so surreal. You were really pregnant, you were really going to be a mother.

“That's what you wanted to tell me?” Jay asked and you looked at him, noticing the devastated expression he had on his face “When I opened the door and you greeted me with that smile, did you want to tell me you are pregnant?”

You sighed and then nodded. “Yes. I took three tests in the afternoon.”

Jay looked down, mostly because he didn't want you to see him cry. He covered his eyes with his hands, rubbing them to dry the tears. But there was no need, you knew him, you knew it was just his way not to be looked at.

“I'm so sorry Y/N, so fucking sorry...” he started muttering but stopped when you took his hand. He looked up at you, staring at you as if you were an alien.

“I've heard you the first thousand times.”

“What?”

“When you were talking to me... I heard you.”

You saw Jay's cheeks turning bright red and you couldn't help but giggle. Embarrassed Jay Halstead was a vision you weren't very used to.

“I meant every single word. I died a thousand times in the last few hours, I was so fucking scared of losing you.”

If you had been strong before and could resist bursting into tears, his words were your breaking point. Just like Jay did, you brought your hands to cover your face to mask your tears. He stood up and, taking extreme care not to hurt you, hugged you, squeezing you like he had never done.

“It's okay baby I'm here, cry as much as you want I'm not leaving you” he whispered as he stroked your hair. He kissed you on the top of your head, taking the opportunity to deeply inhale your scent.

“I was so scared Jay” you cried, in a low voice as you curled up in his arms. No matter how many times you argued, that would always be your happy place, your safe place, the place you'd always take refuge.

“I know baby, I know. I'm so sorry I wasn't there, I'm so sorry for everything. It was all my fault but it's over, you're safe now,” he muttered, kissing your forehead again “I don't know what I would've done if I had you lost, if I had lost you both. Fuck I'm so glad I don't have to find out.”

You continued to cry in Jay's arms indefinitely, venting all the sadness, anger, frustration, fear you felt. Jay stayed with you the entire time, whispering words of comfort to you in an attempt to reassure you.

“Why don't you look at me? Do I looking so bad?” you asked when you noticed the way Jay avoided looking you in the eye.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I... I'll never forgive myself for what happened to you.”

“It's not your fault...”

“Yes baby, it is. I can't even believe you are talking to me right now, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve your forgiveness because I almost got you and our baby killed. You didn't have any fault and I vent it on you when you didn't deserve it, if I hadn't treated you like shit none of this would've happened...”

“Jay none of this is your fault,” you interrupted him “It was an accident, the car... It didn't stop at the traffic light and it hit me in full force. It could've happened to anyone...”

“It wasn't supposed to happen, not to you, it would've never happened if I didn't...”

“Jay stop it please,” you grabbed his hands “Look at me,” you continued as he did what you said “I don't blame you for what happened so you don't have to. It was my choice to go out, get in the car and drive. It wasn't your fault, fate unfortunately plays tricks and what happened was just a horrible accident. Thank god both the baby and I are fine and this is the most important thing, it will take me some time to recover but everything will be fine.”

“Do you really forgive me?”

You nodded and smiled slightly. “But don't think I'm not going to make you pay for being an asshole. So next time you'll think your words twice.”

He chuckled and nodded, reaching out to your face and gently stroking your cheeks. “Baby I told Will I'd let you cut my balls off if that meant having your forgiveness.”

“Hmm it's an offer to consider.”

Jay laughed, this time with more relish before hugging you, as best he could since you were lying in bed. “God I love you so much.”

“I love you too baby.”

“We're going to be parents! Can you fucking believe that?!” he suddenly exclaimed, as if he had just realized the news.

You laughed, trying to ignore yet another intercostal twinge. “I honestly can't believe it, it feels so surreal.”

Jay pulled away from you and sat back in the chair, getting as close to the bed as possible and placing a hand on your belly, starting to caress it. You kept looking at him, almost feeling your heart and ovaries explode as he rose to kiss your belly and holding back the tears was next to impossible.

God please enough, I have no more tears in my body.

“Hi baby I'm your dad, I know you're just the size of a peanut probably and you can't hear me now but I just wanted to tell you I already love you so much. I love you and mom more than anything in the world and I promise I'll always protect both of you. I can't wait to see you and hold you, I honestly don't think I'll ever let you go and I already know mom and I will discuss a lot about who wants to hold you most...”

Jay continued to talk to your belly as if the baby could really hear him and there was no shortage of kisses he placed on it from time to time. You were a mess and although you were on a hospital bed due to an accident, you felt your heart explode with joy, you couldn't be happier.

When you suddenly heard silence you realized Jay had fallen asleep with his head resting on your belly and you would've paid gold to be able to frame that moment. His arms were protectively encircling your hips and as you looked at him and ran a hand through his hair, you couldn't stop thinking that, despite everything, you couldn't wish a better father for your child.

Tag list: @hereforhalstead, @sofferderynnp, @soph0864, @hehurst23, @upsteadlovingheart, @stephanie708, @secondaryjob, @morganupstead, @nevaehstreater18, @mrspeacem1nusone, @sophiatellerrhodes, @dedlund82, @kellykidd, @rippl3s, @alexxavicry, @waywardhunter95, @ephemeral3, @fighterkimburgess, @mads-weasley, @cbaby, @lovemedlife, @itskellysev, @amazedbyitall, @atarmychick007

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[yionji]

hii, hope you're doing great also, remember to stay hydrated and eat well. >_<

i was hoping i could request some headcanons for megumi, gojou and getou when their crush is being followed or often sexualized by some of their past bullyings, what they would do to comfort her and to those people.

also, can i be 🍥 anon? 👉👈

🍚...Hiiiii! And thanks ;) I hope you like this,thanks for sending me this,, and of course you can be 🍥 anon <3.

A/N: Feel free to point my errors,that's going to help me to do better hc's or fanfics ;),ty.

Tags: Hipersexualization,F!reader,misoginy,cuddles,pathead,cute,conforting reader,bullying(?),sobbing,hugs,happy ending,crush,True feelings,headcanon,slut shaming,mentions of sex,kisses, a bit of self harm,Low self-esteem(?),

JJK Headcanon's

Megumi

•The physicality of girls didn't appeal to him at all, he always valued you more for who you were than for your body, you were more than just a body,you have everthing he wanted.

•but he is very shy It's too much to confront his feelings and tell you that he likes you.

•So when he notices that you're feeling more anxious at the academy and you're clinging to him a little more, he sees you glued to your phone.

•He gets suspicious.

•One day he came looking for you in your room and saw you on the floor.

"Y/n what's wrong? He didn't get an answer, he just kept thinking and said, is it because of your looks, do they still bother you?"

"Sometimes I think I shouldn't go out there,maybe my body is the problem"

"Don't say that! you are perfect just the way you are" he started to blush after what he said.

"Megumi...."

"I'll go find the ones who did this to you."

•He began to get irritated and he start talking to himself, "sexualizing a girl,pfft degenerates".

•He find your bullies,It took all day but he did it and stopped them.

"I don't think there's a lot of warnings to be made but let's make it clear just this once because I don't like having to remind people of things, get close to her, talk about her or talk about her body and you're going to have a personal problem with me got it?"

•He could tear them apart in seconds, he was just waiting for them to say something about you.

•But they didn't, they just ran away in fear.

•the little bitches nod shakily and run away

•Megumi’s warning sticks with your bullies and they don’t bother you anymore.

•Megumi just wants you to know he is there to support you,and he’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy and comfortable.

Getou

•He knows very well that you are sexualized, he knew it the first time he saw you even though you were wearing loose clothes, he could see your curves.

•At first he didn't think it was serious until he saw you fidgeting and sobbing, "I knew something was wrong when I saw you wearing those long sleeves, even in summer". Getou began to worry and anger in his voice. "Why didn't you tell me, why didn't you tell anyone that you were in pain?" he demanded in a deep voice as he moved closer to you and you, in turn, took a step back.

•He moved closer to you "stop...don't come closer!" He went on regardless of your whimpering, he hugged you and kissed your wounds."I can't believe such a wonderful person would do this to herself, I don't know who made you think this was okay," he spoke between kisses

•The attraction he feels to you is not comparable to any other feeling he has ever felt.

•"Who do this to you?" "When I went to school there were some boys who said very dirty and sexual things to me and they still do and they sent me some messages saying it would be great to fill my ass with their dicks."Getou smirked for him, the idea wasn't bad for him to do it, but he needed to find them.

•He found them and all he said to them was. "I didn't come to ask you to leave y/n alone, I just came to finish off."

•He asked you if anyone ever made a comment sexualizing you or about your body again, you obviously said no.

•"That makes me happy,baby" and he patted your head.

Gojo

•If gojou finds out that you've been harassing his student

•you're finished.

•This man has no mercy.

•He doesn't even need to physically fight back.

•His words can cut deeper than any knife and he knows it.

•Since you are his student he spends time with you, he knew what you looked like and even with the uniform you could see your curves.

•He found out how your bullies were slut shaming you,when you were in tokyo, he saw you cornered by 4 guys almost groping you.

•He waited for a while, admiring the scene seriously, waiting for you to defend yourself, until he heard "You have great tits and a small waist makes me want to fuck you every day".

•He was furious.

•He always gave little details that he liked you but he never said it explicitly, little actions such as cuddling your hair, helping you in your missions, being very close to you, but the fact that you have been harassed without him knowing it, almost made him go mad.

•"you think I should give them a kick to see if they can take it?"

"so brave of you to mess with me y/n when you all have the audacity to look at the way you do it and not even get me started on how disgusting you are sexualizing a girl"

"success doesn't seem to fit any of you to be honest".

•The bullies don't know what to say,they were angry but they couldn't do anything,gojou looked very confident.They can't exactly do anything.

•He couldn't stand that you were insulted and sexualized.

•"They're not going to say anything?" He moved his glasses and looked at them and told them to go away, in a deep voice.

•He look at you and strokes your hair, hug you and gives you little kisses on the head and does whatever else he knows you like.

•He has a way with words, so he'll murmur all sorts of soothing things to you.And once you've calmed down enough to tell him what's going on with you, he'll be able to allay your fears.

•He wants you to be strong so he won't solve everything for you, but he will give you good advice.

•"Im sorry sensei" and hug him tighter.

"It's all right y/n."

#jjk #Jujutsu kaisen #Jjk fanfiction #Jjk one shot #Gojo #Gojou satoru #Jjk x reader #Gojo x reader #Gojo satoru x reader #Gojo hc's #Jjk headcanons #Getou x reader #Getou headcanons #Getou hc's #Megumi fushiguro #Megumi x reader #Megumi hc's #Megumi headcanons #Getou suguru

[bixbiboom]

can't wait for game night, it would be so nice to feel an emotion besides self-loathing and anxiety. now let's flip a coin to see if game night will bring fun times with friends to ease my stress OR the sinking feeling that I didn't play well enough, I wasn't clever enough to keep up with the rp, I talked too much or too little or ruined their game in some way because I never learned to express myself right.

Oh my darling anon, I feel this so hard. I go through this after every single game. Despite the fact that I’m lucky enough (so lucky) that I’ve known all but one person in my current group for two decades or more, I go through the worst post-game drops I’ve ever experienced after our sessions. I feel like I’m bad at roleplaying, like my character’s personality is just all over the place because I can’t pin it down, that I ruined everyone’s fun by rules lawyering (even though they’ve literally asked me to do it since I’m the most familiar with the RAW mechanics), that my real-life childhood abuse inhibited my ability to communicate with other ppl so much that I can’t adequately express my character’s motives...

I feel certain you aren’t the only person in your group having feelings of inadequacy. Would it maybe help to ask your group to do a check-in session, where everybody comes together to discuss how they’re feeling about the game and it’s direction? It could be a good time to not just allay your fears but also make sure that everyone’s in the same page regarding the combat/roleplay/puzzle ratio, if the players are feeling adequately rewarded for their successes, if challenges feel unbalanced one way or another.

I’ve also heard a really good idea that I’m hoping to implement in the games I run: after the gameplay has wrapped for the session, have your group take a few minutes to discuss the session, talk about their favorite moment today, who was the MVP of the game. You might find out that your group actually thinks you’re one of the strongest players at your table.

[ingravinoveritas]

Hello Amy! I don’t know if you remember me but I’m the anon that sent you a message about feeling anxious about getting an autism evaluation and the opinions of others based on the results. Well after about 2 months of testing and going through different behavioral evaluations I just got my results and I’ve been clinically diagnosed with Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder !! I’m kind of at a loss right now (⅓)

Hi, Anon! (Again, putting all of your asks together in this one post, for ease of reading/answering.)

Of course I remember you! I certainly don’t get asks like that every day, and I’m so glad that my answer was helpful to you, and that you’ve followed up and let me know how things are going. So first let me say a hearty “Congratulations!” to you on receiving your official diagnosis!

I can absolutely understand your feeling overwhelmed, and so I’m glad that you do finally have these answers. I’ve known far too many women on the spectrum who didn’t get their diagnosis until they were in their 40s, 50s, and older. So it’s heartening to hear that things are starting to improve in general (albeit if one has the resources to get these services). There’s still a great deal of work to be done, though, so the fight goes on to eliminate stigma and barriers for all women seeking a diagnosis of autism.

Finally, thank you so much for your kind words in the third ask (which nearly made me cry). You said “it may not seem like much,” but believe me when I tell you that it means everything to know I was able to help you in even the smallest way. I’m actually about to start a new job soon where I’ll be working with folks on the spectrum, and I have the worst case of imposter syndrome–despite the fact that they recruited me for the ding-dang position. So your wonderful sentiments here have allayed some of my fears and made me feel that perhaps I can do this after all.

Thanks again for writing in, Anon, and following up on your previous messages. I hope things continue to get better and better for you from here on out, and if you ever start to feel down again, remember that I’m over here rooting for you. All the best of luck to you! ❤️

#anonymous #reply post #autism #autistic women #diagnosis #autism spectrum #advice #love post #my heart #follow up

[caffeinatedtimdrake]

what about a damian x reader for 46, 47, 58 and 30 where reader is a 'ghost' or someone who isn't noticed by many and is mainly the second option of everyone and is damian's bestfriend and then one day she juts distances herself and stops talking because she feels like she's just damian's second option and he'll forget her in the end?make it angsty (just light pls.) and fluffy in the end please.

I hope this is okay anon! 2.8k of (older!)Damian x female!reader fluff ft a sprinkling of angst.

30.“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!” 46.“I thought you forgot about me.” “Never.” 47.“I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” “Then stop looking.” 58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.”

Spring hangs in the air, sweet with sunshine and apple blossoms, and silence hangs between you and Damian like the tendrils of a weeping willow beneath a pristinely blue sky. A week-long break lay ahead of you, but a metaphorical storm cloud brooded over your head and dampened any inkling of exaltation you might feel about several days of freedom. 

The grass is green with life, but you are green with envy, failing to suppress the bitter sensation of jealously flitting around in the pit of your stomach. 

Damian’s eyes are green too, a heated and tangled rainforest flecked with gold and turquoise, as he watches you from the corner of his eye. 

“You’re unimpressed.” 

“What? No way! I think it’s totally cool that you and Jon are training more together. Super son connections and stuff. It’s neat. Really, Dami.” 

He narrows his eyes, studying the profile of your face with intense predatory conjecture, but you keep your gaze glued straight ahead, barely scuffing your sneakers on the asphalt sidewalk. 

You know that if he meets your eyes, he’ll see the storm of insecurity brewing in your soul, and you don’t think you can bear to be so vulnerable right now. 

He bites his bottom lip for a moment in speculation. If he wants to pry, he resists the urge. 

“Yes, I suppose. Sometimes I’d like nothing more than to stuff a sock in his mouth and punt him across a field, but he’s a relatively suitable training partner. There are certain things he seems to inherently understand, despite occasional moronic comments.” 

You wonder to yourself if those are things you’d never be able to understand, even if you tried.

“He seems like a good guy.” You surmise in a flat tone that hopefully isn’t too telling of your agitation. 

He nods slowly, like he’s unsure of whether or not to completely agree.

“Are we going to get dinner tonight?” 

Damian sighs. “No, Tim is revamping the security system at the house and wants to show me.”

“Bagels on Saturday?” 

He winces a little and shoots you what might be an embarrassed smile. “Can we accomplish that in less than half an hour? 

“Yes? Probably not enjoyably, though.” You answer hesitantly, something like discomfort and hesitation swirling in your stomach because you feel a little bit like you’re stepping on his toes. 

“I am scheduled to spend the day training with Jon and Jaime at an obscure base off the coast.”

“Oh.” You blink at the ground. 

Damian shrugs disinterestedly. “I think I prefer going through drills with the older heroes, though. They provide more of a challenge. Jon can get predictable and boring.” 

“Boring?” 

“Indeed. Repetition is so arduous. I am entirely disengaged when we spar for too long because I can precisely anticipate his moves. Then I leave him and challenge someone who keeps me a little busier.”

You inhale sharply at this, gripping the straps of your backpack until your knuckles turn white. 

Damian can’t help but frown at this. “What’s wrong?” 

Just worried you’re going to tire of our friendship and leave me forever, that’s all. 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” 

“You’re wrinkling your nose in that little way that says you’re thinking too hard about something and I’m alarmed.”

You relax your face immediately, blinking and flushing pink. “No. I’m fine, really.”

“I don’t believe you, Y/N.”

You shoot him a glare.

“You don’t look fine.” 

You bristle. “Then stop looking, Damian.” 

He mutters something heatedly under his breath that sounds an awful lot like, “Impossible,” but you let it roll off your shoulders. 

“Tell me more about training. Are you the shortest of all the Titans?” 

He grimaces. “For now. I’m practically Wally’s height now. But don’t change the subject, Y/N. I know something weighs heavily on your mind.” You can feel his gaze allay minutely, tender concern softening his sharp, boyish features. “You can always talk to me, you know.” 

You shake your head dismissively, heat lingering in your cheeks. “It’s nothing. Speaking of weight, who do you think is the heaviest? You think Cyborg’s metal parts are that heavy?” 

Damian glowers, halting in front of the path that leads up to your house. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” 

You nod pliantly, slowly meandering away from him. “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it.” You say with a lump in your throat, while the worry in his soul pours through those coniferous eyes, brows knit together and nose slightly wrinkled. 

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. Have a good break, Damian! Bye!” You chirp and duck inside your house, locking it firmly and sliding down the cool expanse of wood until you were seated on the ground, heart aching. 

You know that if Damian really wanted, he could easily unlock your door or slip in through a window. 

But he doesn’t. Instead, he watches you flee potentially vulnerable conversation with a funny little sting of disappointment across his heart. When he doesn’t break into your house and wrap you in a bear hug, you feel that same sting. 

It has been three whole days since you’d heard Damian’s voice and you feel a black hole rapidly expanding in your heart, swallowing your sense of reason and applying pressure to your deepest vulnerabilities. 

You’ve texted each other sporadically – apparently Bruce is teaching him a new tech program and the Batcave isn’t good for his cellphone reception – and he’s sent you only two funny kitten videos. 

You hate the sticky, whiny sentiment of clingy behavior; you’ve always tried to avoid being too dependent on and too invested in anyone. You can’t help the deeply affectionate attachment you feel for Damian. His friendship matters to you more than any friendship has before; a deep, soulful amity of both comfortable confidence and new boundaries.

Granted, things are a little different in the moment; you can’t confide in him because he’s the object of your insecurity and that would be too far outside your comfort zone, throwing yourself into the open ocean without swim lessons or flotation devices. 

As you lay on a fuzzy rug in the middle of your bedroom, you have a hard time swallowing the truth: you are too afraid to tell Damian that it makes you jealous and insecure when he hangs out with other prodigal vigilante youth because, like in your darkest nightmares, he could realize that you’ll never be quite like him and leave you floundering in the lonely, murky solitude from which he had saved you. 

Before Damian, you’d been a wallflower, but you never felt that you bloomed in a slow and beautiful way like the roses and ivy across the bricks of Wayne manor. Forming connections wasn’t your strong suit to begin with, a childhood plagued by years of immense shyness and an adolescence filled with what felt like perpetual inferiority. You struggled to find a place amongst your peers, chosen last for sports teams in gym class and simply forgotten in group projects, and you struggled to find yourself. 

Since Damian arrived in a whirlwind of wisdom and fire, he has helped you excavate and dig to discover who you truly are. 

You’re getting a little carried away thinking about the pretty curl of his mouth when your phone rings. 

“Speak of the devil,” you mutter before rolling onto your stomach and swiping to answer.

“Y/N?” 

“Hi, Dami.” His name is sweet on your tongue, anxieties aside. 

“Hello, Y/N. How have your days off from school been so far?” 

You lay your chin on the ground and flop your head onto its right side, sighing deeply. “Nothing overly spectacular.” You glance over at your unopened backpack. “I’ve done some homework, but that’s about it. You?” 

I’ve also thought of you excessively, you say to yourself. 

“Simply more training. I called because I was wondering if you would like to come over and eat dinner. A few of the other trainees might be around.”

You sit up quickly, as if you must compose yourself even over the phone to have any chance at impressing these people.

The fear of inferiority crawls up your spine, poisonous. “I can’t.” 

“Oh?” 

“Y-yup.”

Over the phone, you can practically hear the way his eyes narrow into suspicious slits. “Why not?”

“Plans. I have plans.” You twist your fingers nervously in the rug. 

“Hm. Like what? With whom?” 

Before he can chase you with questions and expose that absolute lie, you blurt, “Sorry, Dami, I gotta go. Talk to you later! Have fun tonight!”

You end the call and fling your phone across the room, falling back onto the ground with a pained groan. 

Damian wasn’t raised to express fear. Instead, he was taught to embrace it and mold it into a source of control and strength. However, currently, he’s slumped across the couch on his stomach with only one boot and an arm thrown over his head and he looks anything but powerful: he looks like a distraught teenage boy. 

Tim quirks an eyebrow and nudges Damian’s ankle. “You missing something, kid?”

Damian harrumphs and waves a hand dismissively. 

Jason locks eyes with Tim from the other side of the couch and shrugs. 

“A shoe, your dignity, a sense of reason…?” 

Damian raises his head from the cushion to glower at Tim, hair mussed and cheeks pink. “Yes, maybe, and no.”

“Well, I can’t help much with the personal crisis, but you’ve gotta start somewhere so here’s your other boot.” Tim drops it gently onto Damian’s back. “I’m here for moral support. We head out for recon in twenty.” 

Face still shoved in the couch, Damian manages to wiggle around and tug on his shoe. When he goes limp again, Jason decides the only thing he can do is plop down on top of his adoptive younger brother. 

Save for several expletives and minor squirming, Damian doesn’t put up much of a fight. 

“What’s wrong, Dami? You’re acting an awful lot like…an insufferable teenage boy. Hormonal changes are tough, I know.” 

“I am fine, Jason.”

Jason settles in and gets more comfortable atop the lanky boy. “I don’t buy it,” 

“You don’t have to.”

“Should we give Y/N a call?”

Damian stiffens gracelessly and Jason barks out a laugh, titling back his head and practically cackling in amusement. “So that’s the problem, huh?”

“Define problem.” Damian says cautiously.

“You and Y/N are experiencing a rough patch and you’ve no idea how to smooth things over again? She hasn’t talked to you properly in days and you’re scared of losing her?” Jason muses, pleasantly surprised that Damian hasn’t flung him across the study yet. 

Damian moves his head so his cheek rests against the leather of the couch. “Perhaps.”

“How are you going to make things better?” 

Damian frowns. “Isn’t that what you, the seemingly experienced and doting older brother figure, should elucidate?” 

Jason grins, warm and playful, patting Damian’s shoulder and standing up. “Communication is key. You don’t know what she’s feeling, she doesn’t know what you’re feeling. In all the guesswork, someone is bound to get confused and hurt. More time spent in silence is more time spent in uncertainty. You feel me?” 

“Yes. I also felt your revolver digging into my spine.” 

You’re floating dreamily between that ethereal, cozy place between asleep and awake when you hear a crash from your bedroom. 

Your heart stops and you freeze on the couch where you dozed off to a decade-old princess movie. 

The knives are preoccupied in the dishwasher, so you grab the next best weapon – a large wooden spoon – and shut off the movie, listening intently for the intruder. 

You stealthily wind your way off the couch, across the living room, and through the kitchen. When you start to turn the corner to beeline down the hallway, your nose collides with smooth fabric and a solid surface. 

You yelp and jump back, raising the spoon with your eyes shut tightly, fearfully to whack the intruder blindly and hopefully beat them senseless.

Slender fingers deftly wrap around your wrist and finesse the potential murder weapon from your grasp. When you part your mouth to shriek, the spoon is shoved in your mouth. 

Your eyes snap open to see stormy green orbs and amused skepticism. 

“That spoon is very threatening, Y/N.” Damian’s voice is low, mouth twitching as he feigns temperance. 

You let it clatter to the floor. “Excuse me for feeling threatened. I was under the impression that an intruder had entered my home.”

“Who else would know how to wrangle with your wretched window besides me?” 

He has a point, but you scowl. “I don’t know, the world is a crazy place.”

Something about this softens his sharp, teasing intrigue. “Tell me about it.” 

“You’re always out fighting evil with superpeople. You tell me.” 

“I don’t think there are enough words to explain it.” Damian frowns a little, peeling off his mask, and reaching out to press a finger to your cupid’s bow. You blink at him in confusion, but then he pulls his fingers away and they’re shiny with blood. 

“Oh. Is that mine?” 

“I’m almost one hundred percent certain it isn’t mine.”

You touch the space below your nostrils. “You gave me a nose bleed, Damian Wayne.” 

You let him pull you into the kitchen “Yes, and since you are my best friend, I do not even mind how utterly unsanitary this is.” He muses after he washes his hands and rummages through your cabinet for tissues. 

He rolls a few tissues up and places his hand on your chin to tilt your head back. His fingers are rose petals against your skin. 

You unceremoniously jam the tissues up your nose. “My blood is on your hands, Damian.” You mutter darkly, humorously. 

He meets your eyes, sparkling with a somber sort of reverence and you feel your heart jump into your throat. “And my heart is in yours, Y/N.” He tells you softly and for a moment, you feel like you’re stuck in candied sugar, sweet and fragile. 

“Did someone kick you in the head too hard?” 

“Not quite. Rather, Jason metaphorically knocked some sense into me, as much as I lament admitting this.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Please elaborate.” 

Damian sighs and drops his hands, leaning back to rest against the opposite counter. He’s nothing short of captivating, all long and slender in the moonlight streaming through the window, tousled dark hair and inexplicably emerald eyes, shadows playing across the handsome angles of his face. 

“I thought you forgot about me.” He murmurs, peering at you almost shyly through thick lashes. 

“Never,” You breathe. “That would be impossible. I’m so scared of being clingy, sometimes I wish I could forget you. Other times, I’m simply scared of you.”

This visibly startles him. “I scare you? Of all things in this city? Why me?” 

“Because you saw me when I was invisible. At first, it terrified me. Being seen is being vulnerable. But now? I don’t think I could function properly outside of your line of vision. You see me and I don’t want to go back to being unseen.”

Damian frowns. “I have no plans to terminate this friendship and leave you, Y/N.”

You shoot him a pained look, wincing when you wrinkle your nose in trepidation. “But plans change, Dami. One day, you might wake up and realize you much prefer the company of superhero proteges. Plus, you get bored of training with Jon – who knows if you could simply get bored of being friends with me?” 

He leans into your space and instinctively you lean back, the edge of the counter digging into your waist because he smells of gracefully aged leather and something sharp and sweet, like mint. He reaches a hand up to tenderly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear with a bittersweet smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“Y/N, you mean infinitely more to me than some training exercise or computer program. And you’re fixated on indefinite, hypothetical ‘what if’ questions. I live in a world of probability, not possibility – unless it comes to you. Being without you and your kind smile and appreciation for the little things in life? That is impossible for me. In many ways, without you, I would be blind.”

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you have to shove the tissues further up your nose because you keep sniffling and he’s allowing you a precious glimpse into his tangled soul.

Damian reaches out to squeeze your unoccupied hand, cheeks flushed, rosy pink beneath brilliant bronze. “I know you felt invisible for a long time, but I assure you that you’re anything but. You are seen.”

#as i finished writing this i took a sip of coffee except not really because then i realized my mug was empty #and i got sad #one day writing for damian will not make me slightly nervous. today is not that day but its ok #n e ways we love visibility here #damian wayne #robin #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne imagine #robin x reader #imagine #dc #jason todd #tim drake #red hood #red robin #dc imagine #prompts #fluff #angst #young justice #teen titans imagine #invisible

[savothesewercat]

Do you ever worry you're only valued for that which you create instead of having value as a person? What do you feel gives a person value? Sincerely, a content creator that doesn't have the answers.

Now that you ask, Anon, maybe i should worry?  I guess my fears are allayed by two elements.  Firstly, that which i create isn’t terribly valuable so I shan’t fear that it accounts for much of my overall value of a person.  Secondly, drawing little pictures, writing song lyrics and making goofy RP characters is something i’d do even without an ounce of validation so any appreciation on those scores is just icing on the cake, as it were.  Then the third element you asked; what do I feel gives a person value... To that, well my instinct is to spout whatever current psychological scholarship has to say on the matter, but instead of googling it, i’ll just offer my gut reaction to the question.  One’s value (beyond that which is intrinsic to simply being alive) is your ability make the environment around you slightly better... or greatly better if you have the ability.  Your ability to amuse your friends, your willingness to fold some one else’s laundry, to give an honest opinion when it’s needed and a dishonest one when the situation calls for that and to know the difference.  Perhaps I’m saying it’s being friendly that makes some one matter...yeah, i’ll go with that.  I can’t imagine this helps that much, I’m not one for ruminating on ‘the state of being’ even when i probably should.  But I do hope whatever is worrying you doesnt cause you too much stress.   Oh, here’s a thing I like to tell myself:   You know those stories where the world is about to end, like a meteor is on its way, and they have to save like a bit of humanity by packing them into a bunker or sending them to mars?  They ALWAYS leave some room for an artist or two.  That’s gotta mean that the archetype is valuable, no?  : )  cheers Anon

[hiilikedragons]

I'm soo happy you're back!! I've missed the sacrifice au so much and still think about it sometimes and suddenly I've read the whole thing in a day again. It was one of the first proper long fanfics I read years ago and one of my favs ever!

Thank you so much anon!

“Do you plan on showing mercy any time soon?”

There’s a little amusement in Valka’s voice, a teasing lilt, but Astrid wonders if there’s a more sincere sentiment underlying it.

They’re cradled in the stone windows of their living quarters, sharing a bowl of berries as they watch the aviary. Below them, unaware of his audience, Hiccup has a new dragon prosthesis in his hand, and he’s chasing a Changewing with a torn wing back and forth. Curled up on a rock, Toothless looks on with barely stifled smugness, his tail languorously flicking side to side.

“Giving him hope wouldn’t be mercy.” Astrid replies with a taste of bitterness. “I don’t do anything just because I like watching him squirm.” Though there was a little satisfaction in it. “I do it because I hate him. I don’t want him near me.”

She never would have said such a thing so bluntly to Valka before. When she first came to the sanctuary, she tiptoed around badmouthing Hiccup, worried that it would make Valka angry. After these several weeks, though, they’ve become so close– it’s almost like talking with her own mother.

Almost. Not quite.

“You hated him once before,” the older woman mentions, her tone casual. “How did you overcome it the last time?”

It’s a fair question. Astrid ponders it as she rolls a berry across her tongue. Was it the day he took her to Bulg for the first time, giving her a taste of freedom? Was it learning about his past from his mother? It’s hard to say when she started enjoying his presence instead of despising it.

“Maybe it was just a trick of the mind.” She shrugs, tilting her head a little. “I was a prisoner. I had nobody else.”

“It could be. It’s a possibility.” That’s why she likes Valka so much. She doesn’t judge, and she doesn’t let her feelings blind her to reason. “The best way to find out would be to give him a chance now that you’re free.”

Astrid wrinkles her nose, flicking her gaze to Valka’s face to show her displeasure before glancing back at the bowl. Her fingers flick and dig for the largest, most perfect looking berry. “You want me to forgive him.”

With a heavy exhale, Valka makes a vague gesture with her hand in Hiccup’s direction. “I’m biased. Mothers aren’t very good at seeing the worst in their children.”

Astrid doesn’t reply, instead throwing fruit at her.

The other woman’s laugh is hearty and warm. “I mean it. If you look at him long and hard, you might be able to figure out why exactly you fell for him in the first place. Or–” She shrugs. “You find that it was only your nearness to each other that pushed you two together. Either way, you won’t know until you try talking.”

Astrid feels her eyes roll upwards– not in disrespect, but unwillingness. She unfolds herself from the crook of the stone window and slides down the wall so she can stretch her legs out in front of her. Her jaw tightens as she knots her fingers in the fabric of her tunic, as if she can hold the little life inside just as tight. She glares ahead.

“I’m just… so…” Shaking her head, Astrid huffs like a perturbed dragon. “I’m so angry.”

“Are you angry?” Valka takes advantage of the new space in the window, propping her feet up where Astrid had been sitting. “Or are you hurt?”

“Both? Mostly angry.” The stone behind her feels cold through her clothes and even seeps through her braid. “It’s like there’s this hot coal in my chest, always burning. Always stinging. When he leaves me alone, it’s just kind of sizzling, but when I see him–” Her words lose traction, and she struggles for the right thing to say. “I want to rip it out.”

They sit in quiet for a moment. Hiccup’s voice just barely floats upwards from outside.

After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, Valka crawls out of the window and places the bowl by Astrid. She grabs her staff and walks towards the exit to the aviary. Over her shoulder, she cheerfully says, “All coals burn up eventually.”

It’s well after midnight when Valka rouses Hiccup from his sleep, squeezing his shoulder with a warm hand. He blinks blearly into the dark, startling a little when he makes out the frightful mask of his mother’s helmet.

“I told you not to do that,” he mumbles, pushing up on an elbow and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. “You know that thing is creepy.”

She makes a noise of amusement, more of a purr than a laugh. An evolution after living with the dragons for so long. “Sorry, dear.” Then her tone drops, more serious. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a flight. There’s a ship of trackers skirting the ice.”

Toothless must pick up on the sound of warning in Valka’s voice, because he rustles in the corner and yawns, sitting up.

“What’s brought them so close?” Hiccup pats his furs for his flask out of habit before remembering he doesn’t have it anymore.

“Not sure.” His mother glances over her shoulder, as if she’s being watched. “It might be our comings and goings. I’m going to try and draw them away.”

“You’re leaving now?”

She straightens and bobs her head in a nod. “There’s no time to waste. If word of our location spreads, we could be swarmed with trappers in a day’s time.”

He begins to pull his furs aside. “Shouldn’t I go with you?”

Her hand on his shoulder stops him. “No. I need you here to protect the sanctuary if it turns out to be a distraction. If they slip by me or if another ship arrives, I need someone who can organize the dragons and defend us.”

The idea of sleep instantly evaporates. He reaches a hand for Toothless, and he’s met with a scaly nudge. “Do you think I need to get Astrid out of here?”

Valka’s eerie mask tilts back and forth in a display of uncertainty. “I think it’s better if she stays. The ships are still a few days out by boat. No sense in moving her over an unlikely possibility, and if something does happen, she’ll probably be more help to you here.”

He doesn’t entirely agree. The idea of Trappers and Astrid in the same place makes his skin prickle with uneasiness. But he trusts that Valka doesn’t think the ships are an urgent threat. Even more nerve wracking than the idea of nearby ships is the thought of the two of them being alone in a frosty silence without his mother as a buffer between them.

“I’ll hold everything down here,” he assures her. “I’ll send a dragon if we spot anything.”

Once she’s gone, the place feels too quiet and open. Hiccup figures he’ll get a couple more hours of rest before getting up– he might need it in case of an emergency– but he’s wide awake. Instead of staring at the ceiling and sighing, he decides to take Toothless for a late-night flight. It’ll let him keep an eye on the horizon and stretch his dragon’s wings before the rest of the world stirs.

No ships, so far as the eye can see. It allays his fears a little to see nothing but black ocean and blue ice for miles. The ship Valka saw must be rather far out indeed. That makes him feel slightly better about the threat of the sanctuary being found by trappers.

He enjoys his time with Toothless until the sky begins to lighten. Thor knows his Night Fury enjoys it just as much as he does, having been making less regular trips across the archipelago. The cold air that slips through his flight suit is exhilarating, and it helps him think. Everything feels a little bit clearer near the clouds.

There are a few dragons from the sanctuary that are starting to rise and skim the water’s surface for food. They play and dance in the ocean spray, giving Hiccup an idea. He directs Toothless to snag a few fish for themselves and heads for home just as morning light begins to sparkle off the sanctuary spires.

He’s never been a great cook, but fish is one thing he can do with no problem. Catch it, throw it over a fire, make sure it doesn’t fall into the flames. He remembers some of the harder nights with Toothless– back before they found a place to settle– where he was so hungry he would hardly wait for the fish to cook through before tearing into it. These days, since he has the luxury of time, he sometimes tends to let it burn.

That’s probably the smell that brings a bleary-eyed Astrid inside. At first her expression is just sleepy and confused, probably expecting to find Valka at the fire, but she pulls up short when she finds him instead.

“Good morning!” He blurts before she can have a chance to run away. He’s trying to plate a trout that’s falling to pieces, struggling to keep it in one piece. It’s a good thing that blacksmithing has stripped him of most feeling in his fingertips, because he’s sure they’d be blistered by the heat. “Toothless– show the good lady to her seat.”

As rehearsed, the Night Fury stalks behind her and uses his nose to nudge her towards a seat. Astrid makes a noise of indignation but doesn’t object. She watches Hiccup with a sharp gaze, which is only slightly softened by a tinge of curiosity. Her arms stay crossed defensively in front of her.

“Breakfast, to start the day.” He sets the fish on the stone next to her, already sure she wouldn’t take it if he handed it over. His strategy is to keep her distracted with conversation until she slips up and speaks to him. “Fresh pike, caught just hours ago by your favorite offspring of lightning and death. A cup of tea, ready to brew. Mom’s going to be out for a few days, but if you need anything, I can get it for you.”

Without replying, Astrid picks up the plate and sniffs it cautiously. The expression her face pulls isn’t promising. His hands are pouring hot water into a cup of tea leaves, but his attention is fully engrossed by her every movement.

It must be at least slightly tempting, because she picks out a less scorched piece of fish and brings it to her lips. He’s pleased when she doesn’t immediately spit out her first couple of nibbles, but before he can get too excited, her brow suddenly furrows. She sets down the plate with a little force and uses the back of her hand to wipe her mouth.

Instead of waiting for disappointment to set in, he inhales deeply and presses on.

“Fiske’s wife actually showed me this tea. You remember Fiske? His wife is kind of terrifying.” When he steps close to hand her the cup, he can tell that she’s breathing a little unsteadily. Valka tells him to check on her whenever she ends up sick to her stomach, but he’s always pushed away– verbally and physically– whenever he tries.

She takes the cup from his hand, eyeing it warily. This time he stands next to her and watches as she takes a tiny sip. Surprisingly, a minute amount of tension seems to melt from her stiff frame, and she adjusts her hands around the tea to hold it tightly. Wordless, she stares into the fire and slowly nurses the cup.

His relief is potent. He darts back to his own breakfast and sits on the stone bench next to hers.

Toothless curls at her feet and sits his head in her lap for scratchies, which he is granted albeity distractedly. If Astrid notices him using his long forked tongue to try and reach chunks of the fish on her plate, she doesn’t say anything. There’s a weariness to her features that he can’t help but notice out of the corner of his eye.

They sit in silence for a long time, which is more progress than he’s made with her in the weeks since he returned. He’s scared to say something to pierce the bubble of civility she’s decided to wrap them in, worried that the moment he tries to appeal to her that the ice and thorns will reappear.

Eventually, after Toothless has cleaned off her mostly untouched plate, she tilts the cup in her hands back and forth. “What is this?”

It’s pathetic how quickly he jumps at the question. “Raspberry leaf, alfalfa, and dried ginger.”

Astrid nods, handing the cup back to him. Hiccup’s not sure if that means she’s done or she wants more, but he stands and begins preparing a second.

“I’ve been wondering something,” she begins, resting her elbows on her knees and lacing her fingers together. “If you’d never left Berk, do you think we would’ve been friends?”

The thought causes his hands to slow momentarily, but then he’s able to shake it off. “I hope so.”

The first streak of annoyance crosses her features, informing him that his reply wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “I mean, you were spoiled and obnoxious, but I never disliked you. But would I have liked you? Not just like I liked Snot, but could we have wanted each other there the way we did on our island?”

Something inside his chest swells and overflows at the little word our. Such a tiny, inconsequential word, but it’s the first ray of hope he’s felt in a while. Stepping over Toothless, he presses the cup into her accepting hands and sits with his back to the bench, just a little bit closer to her.

“I used to think about it. Pretend that instead of running from Berk, Toothless and I saved it. And everybody learned to trust dragons, and my dad was proud of me, and you fell madly in love with me. Some nights, I would dream it so vividly– it felt almost real.”

Astrid exhales a short laugh into her tea. “I dreamed that I found the nest and killed them all. There was a feast in my honor, with wine and roast and honey cakes.” Her tone is wry. “There were some winters where the shortages were so bad, I’d wake up chewing on my quilt.”

He breathes his own humorless chuckle. She shakes her head and smooths a hand over her hair.

“I just wonder,” she whispers, eyes closed. “Did our attraction to each other play tricks on us? Were we using each other to pretend we aren’t both irreparably damaged? Was there anything that was real between us?”

Hiccup jerks back, surprised by the sharp pain of her questions. He shouldn’t be surprised. He asked himself those same things over and over after taking her to meet his mother for the first time. They were easy questions to ask before he knew what it felt like to have lost her– possibly forever. Now, it’s almost shocking how wrong they seem.

For a moment, neither of them speak. They watch the fire flickering lowly, with the sound of dragons waking and chattering in the distance.

Hiccup risks shifting to look directly at her. If he reached out his hand, he could just barely touch her. He wants to.

“I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you,” he says slowly and quietly.

Her laced fingers immediately clench. “Don’t.”

“I left because I wanted you more than I thought made sense. Enough to scare me.”

“Hiccup, stop.” Her sigh sounds frustrated, and she sits up, holding out a hand as if she can physically block his words from reaching her.

But he can’t. This is the closest he’s gotten to her in weeks, the most she’s let him speak since he arrived. He feels like he has to blurt it out before the door shuts again and they’re back to frosty silence.

“I’ve spent a long time trying to outrun my past. Things I’ve done, things I’ve seen. I wanted to keep it all in the tailwinds where it can’t hurt me. But you– you, Astrid–” He tries to take her hand, but she pulls away. His own hands curl and flex with nervous energy. “You slammed into me. Made me actually want to be still for a while. And then before I knew it, you weren’t something behind me, you were the only thing in front of me.”

“I can’t do this!” She stands abruptly, almost breaking her cup as she sets it down. Backing away, she stabs a finger at him and glares with watery eyes. “You can’t do this, Hiccup!”

“Please, Astrid, just let me explain!” He’s on his feet too, and Toothless whines in sudden confusion. “I was afraid of slowing down, of stopping, of wanting something I wasn’t guaranteed to keep.”

“I gave you everything! What more of a guarantee did you need?”

A flicker of ire ignites under his skin. “Can you really tell me you would have been happy with that life forever? Forsaking your family, your village, hidden away and always waiting on a cliff for me to come back in one piece? Hiding our identities and never really settling in one place? Can you tell me you wouldn’t have wanted out eventually?”

“I don’t know!”

“And can you swear that I could always protect you from my enemies? I have a lot of them. Can you promise you would be safe? Your child would be safe?” Even the thought reminds him of the trappers in the far distance, creeping closer and closer to their sanctuary. It stirs a panic in him that he can’t stifle.

“I don’t know!” Her voice breaks. She paces like a dragon in a cage, eyes of crystal blazing. “I could forgive you being afraid, because I was terrified the day you left. But how can I trust you, Hiccup? You take our future in your hands and make decisions without stopping to consider how I feel!”

“What do you even mean? I’ve spent weeks considering your feelings, trying to repent, but you cut me off at every turn.”

“Because I want you to know what it’s like!” Tears finally spill onto her cheeks. Without even pausing to wipe them away, she takes a few steps towards him. “To believe that you could love someone if they would just let you!”

He grabs her by the elbows. “Then just let me!”

“I told you, I can’t!” Astrid breaks away, shoulders rising and falling in near hysterics. He wants to chase her as she turns away and crosses the room, but there’s something keeping his boots welded to the floor. For several minutes, they both stand in silence. Catching their breaths and sorting through all the words floating between them.

Then she faces him again. The tears are gone. The door of opportunity has been closed. He can see it in her face, the cold detachment and prickly guardedness. It’s as if a wrought iron door is clattering as it rushes to shut between them.

“Give me the dishes,” she says, “I’ll wash them.”

He wonders if she notices the way she holds her hand close to her body, as if it’s itching to cover her abdomen. She’s worn nothing but baggy clothes while she’s been here, and they hang on her frame. It makes her look even skinnier than before she came, and it leaves him forever wondering about their baby. Is she showing at all? Is she punishing him by hiding? His anxiety could choke him with the way it tightens his throat.

“I’ll do them.” He can hear the defeat in his own voice. “I know how to get the Night Fury spit off anyways.”

Astrid doesn’t argue and leaves without another word.

Boom. The wrought iron door slams down.

Hiccup wonders about his dad a lot. What he’s up to. Where he goes. What he would do or say if he knew it was his son beneath the Dragon Rider’s mask. And damn it– he misses him. Even though Stoick the Vast has become famous for his hatred of dragons, Hiccup still misses him.

It takes everything in him to avoid his father’s house, the Great Hall, anywhere he might see his dad’s giant figure and be tempted to watch for a while. And really, he should wait until it’s darker, until the rest of the island has gone to sleep. The sky is only a purplish navy. But he has time on the mind. He has to be in and out quickly, to get back to the sanctuary before Astrid starts to think he’s abandoned her again. He’ll be in for a world of hurt if she notices he’s gone.

Unsurprisingly, the Hoffersons’ door is unlocked. He’s already been watching the village since before sunset– he knows Calder is down by the pier helping tie up the last few fishing boats to come in. Astrid’s mother entered the house several minutes ago, and she hasn’t shown signs of leaving. Now is the best time to move.

He deliberately makes noise when crawling through Astrid’s bedroom window. It’s much safer than going through the front door or wandering downstairs where Calder could walk in at any moment. And it works. After a moment of pacing heavily across the bedroom floor, he hears rapid steps on the stairs. The door bursts open.

Mrs. Hofferson looks slightly disappointed to see him, but she doesn’t have a weapon this time. She doesn’t immediately scream or alert the neighbors or threaten him bodily harm. Maybe it’s because he’s been here before, and he’s the closest thing she has to news of her daughter. Maybe it’s because he has his facemask flipped up so she can see his eyes.

“I’m human,” he says before she can recover from her surprise. Her blue eyes dart to and fro as she evaluates him, just the way her daughter does when she suspects there might be a threat looming. “I’m not a monster, and I’m not a danger to you or your family.”

“Did you find her?” the woman asks, keeping her voice as low as Hiccup’s. He figures she has just as much to lose if he gets discovered. “Do you have her?”

“Not as a prisoner,” he qualifies. “She’s free.”

Maybe it’s not quite the right thing for him to say. Her brow seems to crumple with hurt and confusion. “She hasn’t come home.”

“She can’t.” Hiccup doesn’t want anyone on Berk knowing about the baby. It’s risky even doing this much. “I can’t tell you everything. But she’s alive, she’s safe, and she misses you. I can prove it to you. But I need something first.”

The Hofferson matriarch keeps her chin up, even as it wobbles. She watches him narrowly. “You’re not what I expected. Not what they say.” After a long moment of staring into his eyes, she must decide that he’s safe enough to cooperate with. She exhales a steadying breath. “Well, then? What could the Lord of Dragons want from our humble home?”

Hiccup feels the corner of his mouth daring to turn upwards. “First, I need your promise this stays between us…”

It’s something he hasn’t done in a long time.

He’s practicing a speech.

“And I promise that from now on… I’ll always be by your side.” Hiccup recites the same words he’s repeated over and over since leaving Berk. He’s reorganized them and rearranged them and eliminated them altogether. He’s written and rewritten a thousand different ways to tell his wife that no matter how many times they argue, no matter how much she despises him, he’s not going anywhere.

He has his gift from her mother stashed safely away, and his heart is thrumming with a nervous energy. With the time spent flying across the archipelago and back, he’s had time to think. And despite all the ways she told him– explicitly and implicitly– that she’s not ready to forgive him yet, she did say one thing.

She might have loved him. Once.

It’s a small thing to hold onto. Barely even mentioned in passing. It’s completely possible that any small amount of affection she held for him once is long gone now. But he’s seen the way his mother’s eyes cloud when she thinks about his dad. He remembers the way his father would reminisce about her. Similarly, if Astrid loved him then, she could love him now. It might not be too late.

At least, that’s the hope that he’s holding onto. That and an envelope from Berk.

It’s after mid-morning when the sanctuary comes into view. He’s relieved to see that there are no strange ships nearby, no nervous-looking dragons. Everything as he left it the day before.

Just as they’re approaching the island, though, something happens. Toothless’ ears prick, twitching this way and that, and he draws up in an alarmed loop-de-loop.

“Whoa!” Hiccup reaches out to touch his dragon’s crown. “What’s going on, bud?” His first, most terrifying thought is that there’s an enemy. An intruder. Someone’s breached the sanctuary.

Toothless whirs and barks in response, ducking with renewed speed to enter the maze of tunnels that make up the sanctuary’s caves. He moves so quickly that his rider’s vision is blurred as he dives through the stone labyrinth. Hiccup can feel the tension and urgency in every flick of the dragon’s wings.

They spill out near the top of the aviary, and a nest of hatchlings scatter at the commotion. Hiccup quickly scans the scenery, but none of the other dragons seem as agitated as his. The Bewildebeast is unphased by their entrance, staring intently into the distance. If there was a trapper here, wouldn’t the dragons know before anyone else? Wouldn’t the alpha have sensed approaching boats?

Toothless jerks in the direction of the Bewildebeast’s gaze, and Hiccup is pulled into flight just as he recognizes a pair of yellow and blue wings. Stormfly.

She’s perched near the alcove that Astrid has made into her room. Hopping back and forth with a frazzled energy, the Nadder screeches and flaps frantically towards the wall. His heart hammers against his breastbone as he watches Stormfly scratch the ground in distress.

Hiccup doesn’t have to say anything– his dragon is already zeroed in on the scene. Terror has frozen his blood in his veins, leaving him cold and numb and afraid.

“Astrid!” he shouts, and he’s tripping out of his saddle before Toothless has even properly touched down. Stormfly reacts by hissing and turning on him, using her wings to block his view.

“Hiccup!” Astrid’s voice calls back, sounding thready and strained. “Stormy, it’s okay, let him by.”

Whether she’s obeying her rider or intimidated by Toothless, the Nadder backs down. Just slightly at first, and then stepping aside so Hiccup can see Astrid sitting on the ground, leaned back against the cave wall. Her shoulders are hunched around her, and there’s sweat glistening on her forehead. When she slowly pushes to her feet, she keeps one hand knotted in the front of her tunic. She’s wincing.

“Astrid, what happened?” He’s immediately at her side, giving her his shoulder to steady her. “Is there somebody here?”

“Where were you?” Her accusation says volumes. She was looking for him. Before he can even answer, though, she asks, “When will Valka be back?”

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I need her,” she insists, letting him lead her over to Toothless. Stormfly’s irate chirping lessens just slightly at the sight of Astrid’s arm hooked around Hiccup’s side. “How far out is she?”

“I don’t know.” The second time he says it sounds even more pathetic. “She could be a couple of days out by dragon by now, maybe less.”

“Frigga,” she swears, looking upwards so she can blink back tears. “I don’t know what to do.”

He shifts her in front of him so that she can lean against his dragon, who is watching with concern and confusion. Hiccup cups her face in one hand and grips her arm with the other. “I’m here. I’m here, Astrid. What happened?”

After a moment of squeezing her eyes shut, clearly trying to not cry, she swallows and exhales slowly. “Something’s wrong,” she says. Her voice shakes. “It feels like– it just hurts. And I’m bleeding. I don’t think I’m supposed to.”

And there it is. His worst fear. Something he can’t protect her from, something he can’t stop. He has no answers, no way to help, and he feels absolutely useless. It’s exactly what he always knew would happen eventually, what he told her he was afraid of.

But there’s something– something else. Maybe something that’s been there forever, or maybe something that just grew there overnight. But it’s a steadiness. A calm that he couldn’t expect.

This is his wife. His child. And all the fear, the shock, the uncertainty that he feels somehow is dampened by the panic in her face. He has to act now, do something, and then he can process his own emotions later. For now, he has to be her husband.

“Here’s what we’re doing,” he begins, hoping his voice isn’t trembling as much as he is. “I’m taking you to the closest village. I’ll send a dragon out for Mom, tell her where we’re going so she can meet us there. Okay?”

Astrid doesn’t argue, doesn’t protest. She holds his eye contact, gaze full of trust, and nods.

“Okay. Now. It’s going to be a few hours’ flight. Do you think you can hang on to me or does Toothless need to carry you?”

He’s going through a checklist in his head: he needs to untie the saddlebags to lighten the load so Toothless can be faster; he needs to write a letter to his mom and find one of her tracking dragons; he needs to get her fur coat and consult his map. His thoughts are racing faster than he can keep up.

“I can manage for a little bit, but I don’t know how long.” In this moment, he can tell she’s forgotten how angry she is at him, how much they’ve fought. She’s holding tight to his shirt and leaning into his arms. “Can you hold me in front? Like the night of the sacrifice?”

“All day and longer,” he promises. When he pries her hand off of his arm, it’s with utmost gentleness and a tinge of regret. “Rest here with Tooth. We’ll be leaving in a minute. I’m sure the baby’s fine.” He’s not, and he hates it, but it seems like the right thing to say.

“You didn’t even want this,” she whispers, and he can see the paranoia slipping into her features, the hurt and the anger. “Why do you care what happens to the baby?”

“Stop.” He squeezes her shoulders and ducks his head to look her straight on. “You’re not doing that to me now. Not when I’m about to do everything in my power to make sure you and our baby are alright. Do you hear me?”

Astrid nods. The doubt in her expression seems to flee. She searches his face. “Our baby?”

He kisses her forehead. Hard. “Ours.”

Such a tiny word.

#dragondrabbles #sacrifice!au #part... twenty?

[transgenderbenders]

My mother tries to be understanding abt my gender but is rly difficult sometimes because of her generation, and she's always trying to make me worry that I'll get assaulted if I present how I want and sometimes tries to stop me on those grounds. She told me today she doesn't want me wearing a dress to prom because she'll be out of town and "can't defend me" from others' parents, but it's my prom and I feel like I can handle. How can I convince her to let me wear what I want?

Hello Anon, and thank you for writing!

We are very glad to hear that your mother is trying to be understanding. Generational differences can be very difficult to overcome and I’m glad that you and your mother are working on this.

This is a daily battle that all caring parents go through at least in their heads: letting their child express and experience versus keeping them as safe as possible. My own mother had a lot of similar difficulties with me and I didn’t come out to her until I was 22. Every parent wants the best for their child and what that usually means is an easy, safe, and fulfilling life. It sounds like you and your mother are seeing pretty clearly on the “fulfilling” part, but the other two is where we, trans children (youth and adult), lose that connection with our parents.

I don’t know how your presentation has been while regularly attending school nor how your school has responded to it, so I’ll be shooting in the dark here, a bit (feel free to respond if I miss the mark).

Your mother is right to be concerned. People can be cruel and when they think someone else’s life is imposing on their’s, they can form a pack mentality which can lead to some unfortunate consequences; it’s universally human, not just a trans thing. Just like how those outside can have danger in numbers, those on the inside can have safety in numbers. Being with a group of friends will make you a less enticing target and make you more comfortable/confident. This is one of the things that you can talk with your mother about.

Something that may allay her fears is to talk with a supportive parent of a friend who would be willing to take up the mantle for the night. Knowing that there is a parent there who will support you may help her to be more comfortable with your attending in a comfortable way.

I do NOT recommend going behind your mother’s back and agreeing to not wear a dress and doing it anyway. This can damage the trust you and your mother have built together and that can have far-reaching consequences.

In the end, it sounds like you are a minor and your mother, as your legal guardian, has rights over a lot of your actions. It’s a sucky situation, but it’s a reality we must all understand.

I hope you are able to attend your prom as yourself and I hope this advice can help you.

Again, if I missed anything, please feel free to contact us again.

~Ami

#ami says #prom #parents #presenting #ask #anonymous

[ikkleosu]

Debunk, Dissect and Destress

OKay rather than dealing with all the anons in my inbox - because although they all say different things the essence is the same - I’m going to make this post, and maybe some others, to hopefully answers your worries.

Generally speaking I’m not a fan of comparing couples, or potential couples, but sadly needs must from your asks so I’m going to warn right now there is “dissing” of the C@rzekiel pairing, there are parallels to R@chonne pairing, so run away now if that’s not your thing.

The main thing people seem to be worried about is Crzekiel happening is more likely than caryl, the alleged parallels in Bury Me Here, and the last scene of the ep, so I’m going to try and allay these fears in this post.

The rest is under a cut

ANd let’s start here:

1) Read ALL Melissa’s interviews post-episode:

http://comicbook.com/thewalkingdead/2017/03/12/does-carol-love-daryl-/

https://www.yahoo.com/tv/the-walking-dead-postmortem-melissa-mcbride-on-carols-nightmares-and-daryls-sacrifice-071533000.html

http://www.amc.com/shows/the-walking-dead/talk/2017/03/spoilers-the-walking-dead-qa-melissa-mcbride-carol

Now notice a few things: 1) How often she is asked and talks about Daryl 2) how little she talks about Ezekiel (especially romantically) 3) go back and do 1 again, it’s worth it. :D

Also take notice of this quote from the Yahoo interview, about the “One Way” sign:

“ That was cute. Yeah, it kind of is. As it turns out, I don’t know how much I can get into that, but it just turns… we can read all kinds of stuff into that. And the arrow, I do believe, was pointing backwards. “

Interesting huh that she can’t talk about that and it points AWAY from Kingdom? (I’m not saying I told you so, but I told you so LOl)

Notice also ALL the post-Bury Me Here there were no questions about Carol and Ezekiel romance to Scott Gimple - the man who is both the showrunner and wrote this episode - not a SINGLE ONE. Not even on Talking Dead. 

And in all the reviews I’ve read (over a dozen) only 1 mentions anything about Carol and Ezekiel romantically.

It wasn’t a thing, no matter how much part of the fandom wanted it to be a  thing.

2) Let’s talk about the “parallels”. Now I’m saying straight up I haven’t done extensive research on what the OTHER fans are saying, I’ve seen 3 posts about the parallels, and I’m going off them. If there’s other parallels being claimed, feel free to let me know what I’ve missed.

a) Clear parallels - “Focus on the unhinged guy meanwhile, there's something else brewing with new relationships" “Gimple wrote Clear, which he admitted it was the first time he wrote it with Richonne in mind and it was a Morgan featured episode. And he wrote tonight's episode which featured Morgan. In both episodes it never started off as anything glaring about a romantic setup, but they both ended with glaring possibilities.”

I mean, Lord, do I have to explain why this is NOT a parallel? Why there is nothing parallel in these episodes beyond Gimple writing them and the focus on Morgan’s mental health? I mean they are literally saying, the only connection is there two people interacting in that ep and they later became a couple. That’s it. 

On the same basis, we could claim No Sanctuary was a parallel to Clear - both written by Scott Gimple, both important Morgan episodes, and we have the Carol and Daryl interaction to “parallel” RIchonne.

b) Other R*chonne parallels - 

“Nabila’s words to Ezekiel were incredibly reminiscent of Hershel’s words to Rick right before Michonne showed up to the gates.” 

Yes, they are similar speeches and the parallel is that they are made to leaders who are afraid to act, who want to hide amongst their crops and concentrate on living peacefully behind a fence. And by the end of the episode they have both learned they can’t live like that anymore, that death and destruction will find it’s way inside (the flu, and the weevils) and destroy what you’ve worked hard to grow, but that it can be rebuilt. 

That’s the parallel, not that shortly after this scene Rick talks to Michonne who he later hooks up with.

“Carol tells Ezekiel they must fight, and Ezekiel says he already knows. Just like Michonne and Rick in the jail cell in “Hearts Still Beating” 

Again, yes, this is a parallel between the 2 leaders again - both of them having refused to stand up and go to war, but have this moment of clarity after the death of two of their people (Spencer/Olivia, RIchard/Benjamin). It’s not a romance parallel, it’s a parallel about Rick and Ezekiel AGAIN.

“Ezekiel tells Carol they’re going to fight, but “not today”, which is like when Michonne told Rick they could wait a few more days.”

Well it’s a stretch to be fair, because the meaning of the 2 exchanges is very different.  Ezekiel is acknowledging that rebuilding focusing on Henry and the garden is as important as preparing for war. Whereas Michonne is reassuring Rick they have time to get the weapons they need to get the Junkyard people on side.  Different words (”In a few more days”. ), different meaning but a similar phrase about time. Again if it’s any parallel, it’s the two leaders.

Note NONE of the alleged parallels have been about the relationship between RIck and Michonne.

MEANWHILE, we have DIRECT parallels to Sherry and Dwight and their MARRIED relationship with each other, and speaking of Rick and Michonne, we have “I can’t lose you” - a phrase which has NOT been uttered by anyone except those in a romantic relationship.... soooo 

3) The finale scene in the garden 

I’ve kind of answered this above with the first parallel, but this isn’t a scene about Carol planting roots. This is a scene about 2 characters (technically 3, as Morgan is the same and we see him immediately afterwards) who has come to a realisation - that sometimes sacrifices are needed in order to achieve peace.

This is all about Carol and Ezekiel arriving at the same place in terms of knowing what must be done, but knowing they can survive it. They are doing ti for Henry and others like him. Planting new crops to replace the ones they lost, preparing new growth for the time after the war when they will all needs to see HOPE.

That is what that scene is about HOPE for a future for Henry, that is free from the Saviours.

When you look at it that way, and look at it in context with all the info above, you can see it’s not a big romantic foreshadowing moment.

And here’s a bonus 4) relating to that:

Cast your mind upward to that comment by Melissa about the One Way Sign. In fact let’s have it twice, it’s so good:

“That was cute. Yeah, it kind of is. As it turns out, I don’t know how much I can get into that, but it just turns… we can read all kinds of stuff into that. And the arrow, I do believe, was pointing backwards.”

Now think about that. Think about the fact it’s pointing away from the Kingdom. And think about the fact Melissa is saying she can’t talk about, therefor it has significance. And know this,. when the crzekiel shippers believed the sign was pointing TO the Kingdom, they all said for sure it was showing where Carol’s home was going to be, where she’d settle, where her future lies.

When they found it it’s pointing AWAY from the Kingdom, suddenly it doesn’t mean any of that. now, to me, that says it all about these “signs” for crzekiel.

#shippy wnak