#but i just felt like experimenting a little bit especially since the opening itself was so stylish and different! 🥺💖

[daimyosprincess]

THIS TENDER LOVE

—PAIRING: Boba Fett x F!Reader

—SUMMARY: When you’re a little nervous about your first time, Boba helps you get in the right headspace.

—WORD COUNT: 2.2k

—RATING: Explicit, 18+ only — MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

—TAGS & WARNINGS: second person narration, no use of y/n, explicit sexual content, daimyo!Boba, virgin reader, implied age gap relationship between an older man and younger woman (reader is an adult), reader described as having hair, reader discovers a bit of her inner brat, some heartfelt feelings for good measure, lots of pet names per usual, Daddy kink strikes again (but only at the end)

Please let me know if I missed anything!

—AUTHOR'S NOTES: I don't usually write first times but bestie @baufraus inspired me to write about a certain princess getting shy and Boba's response. Daimyo Boba is so patient and daddy I can't imagine a better person to show you the ropes 😌

Divider by @saradika

Read on AO3 — Masterlist — Taglist

You’d wanted this. You’d wanted this for so fucking long. Dreamed and wished for it.

So why can’t you just open the door and go out there?

Blinking against the clean light of the ‘fresher, you frown in the mirror. It’s not like you’re some blushing virgin who just discovered the place between her legs; you’d read and even watched plenty of things that had given you a chance to start learning what made you shake and moan. And although you’ve never done most of those things you fantasized about—much less had your first real kiss—you aren’t clueless about sex. You’re just a virgin, and Boba is just a man.

A man who dotes on you, protects you, and makes you laugh. The man you’ve fallen in love with. He’s been your whole life for the past seven months, ever since your uncle included you in his tribute to the new daimyo. 

Your reflection sours at the memory of your despot relation. After you’d come of age, he got rid of you the second the chance presented itself, content to leave you at the mercy of the galaxy’s most feared bounty hunter. But Boba had been nothing like the stories the servants had whispered when they heard the news, nor had he been anything like your tyrant uncle.

No, he had been kind to you. Rough around the edges, but kind. You’d even begged him not to send you back to your planet when he informed your pilot that he didn’t keep slaves or girls in his palace. Even back then, sacred and naive, you’d felt you were in the presence of a true ruler, a man who gave his word and kept it. He swore he would never hurt you, never pressure you, or let any harm befall you and you believed him. 

You still do.

So why are your feet frozen in place and the thought of going to him suddenly impossible? You’re a modest person by nature but this shock of shyness is more than you’re accustomed to, especially since you’d taken to sitting in Boba’s lap on the throne and wading in the garden pools in light dresses while he smiled at your joy. 

“Princess?”

Would you be enough? Would he find your inexperience a burden? 

He said he wouldn’t, that he was honored to be the one you trusted with your tender love. But that was before you couldn’t imagine showing your face or looking him in the eye. 

“Sweetheart? Everything okay?” his deep voice calls from behind the ‘fresher door. A hint of worry tinges his tone. “It’s not too late to change your mind, little one. I won’t be upset. This is all about you and your comfort.”

You don’t want to change your mind. You want to experience every sweet, sinful thing he has to offer. You want to learn and taste your combined pleasures. 

So why can’t you move?

Tears threaten to well in your eyes. “Boba?” your voice cracks. Tears do form now, hovering in your lashes in hot frustration.

His voice is just on the other side of the door now, thick with concern. “You want me to come in?”

“Yes,” you sniffle, dropping your face into your hands in stinging embarrassment when you hear the door slide open. Just this morning you’d been giggling and teasing, whispering in his ear on the throne how you couldn’t wait to become his—now you’re a tearful mess. Even if he doesn’t say as much, it’s surely pathetic to him. Why would a king waste his time with a sheltered princess when there are beautiful men and women whose hands and mouths already know the paths to pleasure?

His unarmored chest presses against your back and you instantly ease back into the circle of his arms, your safe and sacred space. Boba gently turns you inwards so your head can bury into his neck. You curl your fingers into the soft weave of his undershirt.

When you try to speak he shushes you with a small sound and a kiss to the top of your head. He rubs the small of your back until the tension drops from your shoulders and you slump your weight onto his.

“That’s it,” he murmurs into your hair. “Relax, babygirl.” A few heartbeats pass before his hand tilts your chin up from his shoulder. “How about we just curl up tonight? Watch one of your holos?”

A thread of urgent fire lights down your spine. “No!” Boba’s brows shoot up and you wince at your echo bouncing off the walls. “I mean, no. I want to… tonight, with you. I just…” Heat blooms in your cheeks, your previous shyness taking over once more. 

You try to return your face to your hands but Boba catches your wrists in a loose hold at your sides. His warm eyes flicker with first a thought, then a decision.

Bona leans slowly into your space, drawing out the small movement to allow you to pull away. When you remain in place, sweet and curious, he presses his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. The feel of him surrounding you, his warm smell, the feel of his strength just below his skin acts like a drug, overwhelming your senses and unfurling your desire like the first soft blooms of spring. He tends to you, encouraging your blossoming by leading your arms over his shoulders and dragging his tongue along the smooth seam of your lips.

His breathing deepens as you slide your palms over his wide shoulders, up his neck to pull him further into you. The heavy sound drips down your body in a sweet trail to your dampening core, the pant of his breath tickling your eyelashes and hairline. You had imagined what a kiss, a real kiss, would be like a thousand times. How your lover’s mouth might feel moving on yours, how your hands might roam and grab, the crushed feel of fabric and limbs seeking skin. 

Yet kissing Boba is nothing like that.

Just as dreams are mere imitations of true sensation, kissing Boba Fett is nothing like you imagined—it’s so much more. Swirls of color that materialize into touch, sounds that brush against hot skin, and the humbling reminder that you are all too human and so is he. It’s mortal and frightening and perfect. You want to open up your chest and let him in, let him taste every part of you so you can exist within someone else. 

Isn’t that what people crave? What they die for?

“Princess…”

The scraped restraint in the daimyo’s voice flickers in your belly. You wanted this, dreamed and wished for it. If you pull away now, you’ll lose it to the stifling swell of bashfulness dammed behind your kiss. You chase his retreating lips until he stalls you with a large hand on your jaw. “Easy, little one,” he soothes with a brush of his thumb over your cheek. “There’s no need to rush.”

“But I-”

“Want it?” He flashes you a white-toothed grin that has butterflies flittering through your insides. You can’t hide your face like this, so you scrunch up your toes and dig your nails into his shirt. He chuckles and kisses the tip of your nose. “Don’t even think about hiding those pretty eyes,” he gives a quick squeeze to your jaw, “keep them on me.”

Oh, the irony of having a staring problem and suddenly being unable to look at the handsome man in your arms. 

Dragging your eyes up his face, you take in every dip and crease of his bronze features, remembering how the bow of his lips and how the texture of his scars felt against your soft skin. The same skin that now feels too hot and tight. When you eventually light on his eyes, they crinkle up in another bright smile. It almost makes you squint. “They were on you,” you mumble into his silence.

“What was that?” The firm way Boba’s other hand snakes around your waist has you swallowing back the sass you were about to give him.

Where is that coming from?

“I-I said they were on you.”

Something dark shifts in his gaze. Something that makes you clench on your emptiness. He considers you for a couple more seconds, his head cocking to one side like the many times you’d seen him on the throne with his subjects. Deciding. 

When you start to squirm under his gaze, his lips quirk into a pleased expression. “You never cease to surprise me, little one.” Seeing your confused look, he continues. “You’ve got some brat in you... I like it. You stopped being so self-conscious when you ran that smart mouth.”

You suppose you had. Although you aren’t usually one to push back or act out—it was quickly punished in your uncle’s house—it did feel good to let the scrap of sass slip. Made you feel a tiny bit more powerful, more evenly matched with Boba’s strength and confidence. You test your next words on your tongue before you fire them. 

“Then show me how much you like it?” you try.

Boba’s smile turns sharp, more hungry. “One kriffing kiss and she’s already getting greedy.” 

You gasp when you feel the grind of his hardening bulge on your hip. He shifts you against him so he’s pressed against your center, rocking his hips to give you some friction. This time your eyes flutter shut in pleasure, the warm stretch of soaked fabric between your thighs catching on your clit with delicious effect.

“Not so shy now, are you, babygirl?” Boba hums low in your ear, gently sinking his teeth into your pulse point. “Just needed a little help from, Daddy, huh?” 

A white-hot streak of embarrassment scores through your chest, charring your fledgling sense of bravery. Your pulse throbs in your pussy. Now you have a very different reason to be shy: you’d never told him those secret desires you came to in your bed but he knew them all the same. 

“Shit, sweetheart,” he moans into your love-bitten flesh when you involuntarily buck against him. “Knew you liked me but are you really that desperate for an old man?”

“D-don’t be mean-”

You cry out when his hand presses between your bodies to cup your sex.

“Mmm I think you like it when I’m mean.” He grinds his palm against your clit and your knees buckle at the dizzying sparks of pleasure. “I also think your little cunt is dripping wet because you want to call me Daddy.”

The choked sound you make doesn’t hide the way your body reacts to his words. You shove your face into his shirt. “I never said that,” you grumble into the fabric. But you dreamed about it, worked yourself up and touched yourself to the thought of it.

“No?”

Boba retracts his hand and you almost cry from the loss. You don’t need to see his face to know he’s smirking and smug at your desperation, his teasing dominance playing on every one of your desires. Everything that burns you up only seems to fuel him more.

“No, please-”

“Aw, baby, you want it bad, don’t you?” His hand comes back up to your face and you can smell your arousal on his fingers. He tips back your chin, his thumb pressing against your trembling lips. His eyes sweep over you, taking in the way you’re as downy and vulnerable as fawn before a wolf, and they soften. 

Boba strokes your bottom lip gently, a small smile turning up his mouth. The crackle of electricity in the air dulls to a pleasant thrum. “You really are beautiful,” he breathes, his voice awed. Sensing your growing need, he presses his thumb into your mouth, his cock twitching against your stomach when you suck it happily. 

“It really isn’t too late if you want to wait,” he reminds you. He chuckles when you shake your head rapidly back and forth, this calloused thumb sliding across your tongue. Smiling, he removes his hand and rests his lips on your forehead. “It’s an honor, you know. To be the one you trust with this.”

As if it could have ever been someone else. Even before you came to Tatooine, it was never going to be anyone but Boba. You’d never had the desire to share your intimacy with another person until him.

“It was always you,” you whisper. It’s not a secret, but it is something precious. 

Boba buries his face into your hair, pressing you so tight to him you could melt into one. “I… I love you.”

Those three words hold a tender softness you know does not come easy to his surface. It fills you with a sweet kind of strength. 

Loosening your hold on his neck, you draw back far enough to take in his beautiful face. “I love you, Boba. I want this. Want you.” He radiates pure joy at your confirmation, as bright and golden as the twin suns above. Leaning in, you hover your lips just over his ear. “Now, Daddy please-”

You don’t even have time to squeal before he tosses you over his shoulder for the bedroom.

#zwei writes #boba fett #boba fett x reader #boba fett x f!reader #boba fett x fem!reader #boba fett x you #boba fett fanfic #boba fett smut #boba fett fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #fanfic #this tender love fic

[damedechance]

seek&destroy

read pt1 on ao3 || listen to the playlist

You're telling me I got to talk with @foundress0fnothing for the past few weeks (my favorite person) and write about Gwynriel (my two favorite idiots)? I have seriously enjoyed getting to know my precious giftee a little bit more during this event and I am so so so excited to finally share part of what I've been working on!!! Em, I hope you know how cherished you are in this little fandom community, and I hope this fic can bring you even just the littlest spark of joy! Love you endlessly, Santa 🌟

Pairing: Gwynriel

Parts: 1 of 5

Rating: Explicit (for eventual smut)

Summary: Those with a link to a realm long gone now live in secret, and Gwyneth Berdara is one of them. After a horrific tragedy rends her life apart, Gwyn finds herself in good company with her fellow Valkyries, a group of vigilantes who work to restore the forgotten relics of a land called 'Prythian.' When Gwyn's work brings her to an illustrious museum, her own world collides with that of the mysterious Shadowsinger--an encounter that leads to her vowing to bring him to his untimely end. [[FOR @acotargiftexchange]]

Read below for all of Chapter One:

CHAPTER ONE

Too. Many. Legs.

There were just too many legs, Gwyn thought, as she stared in open-mouthed horror at the projector screen. Just as she swallowed down a gag at the sight of the ghastly images before her, the presenter gestured passionately towards the slides, his tall frame and abhorrent posture giving the illusion of the rounded shell of a beetle. So uncanny was his resemblance to the subject of his own presentation, the species he’d apparently devoted his entire career to–the cerambycid beetle. Gwyn fought back a shiver. Or a scream of terror.

Not that she wasn’t sympathetic to his cause. A glance at the pamphlet in front of her revealed that he held a PhD in entomology–a degree she knew from personal experience was all but impossible if you didn’t feel truly dedicated to your work. He was probably a sweet old man, she struggled to convince herself. Someone like her, a person so entirely enamored with their subject of study that the less attractive facets of the field were of no consequence. In fact, she admired that sort of devotion. 

Still, the clearly impassioned man wasn’t exactly persuading her to actually take up an interest in the study of insects. Gwyn suspected that the sight of those beetles was the primary driving force in that decision. Especially since she still couldn’t keep her eyes open for more than five minutes at a time, and was currently squeezing them shut as she counted out her deep, steadying breaths. Just a few moments of relief from the images on the screen was all she needed.

When she opened her eyes again, the presenter had switched to the next slide, which revealed a close-up view of the beetle’s segmented underbelly. Heaving, Gwyn bit down on her tongue as she felt the blood drain from her face. To distract herself from the urge to evacuate the contents of her  stomach, Gwyn allowed her eyes to drift aimlessly about the room.

For not the first time, she was grateful that she’d been able to secure a seat for herself in the back of the auditorium. The badge hanging from the bright red lanyard across her neck proclaimed her a professor of entomology at the Dunmere College of Arts and Sciences, but she imagined that if any of the other conference attendees saw how green her face was, that title would prove itself somewhat implausible.

If nothing else, Gwyn needed to be sure that her act was flawless tonight. By the end of the Annual Entomology Society Conference, she wanted to have every single person in this room reasonably convinced that she was an ardent scholar of…bugs. Or, at the very least, she needed to not raise anyone’s suspicions to the contrary.

Perhaps if she simply kept sitting in the back, then.

Sighing quietly, Gwyn shifted down in her seat and allowed her legs to spread out in front of her. If she were to be stuck here, listening to the keynote speaker for the next–she checked the clock hanging above the door–five minutes, she should at least get comfortable. She crossed her arms over her chest, fingers tapping impatiently across her biceps, and stared unseeingly at the screen.

The minutes passed excruciatingly slowly. More legs, more antennae, more larvae, and by the end of the time Gwyn was biting on the insides of her cheeks to prevent herself from screaming in abject horror at each new, impossibly grotesque image. Until finally, the presenter reached the end of his slides, and only a blank screen appeared above his head.

“Right,” the bug doctor said. He pushed his wire-rimmed glasses up his nose, and began shuffling his papers over the podium. “Thank you all for such a thrilling discussion of cerambycid communities and their impact as an invasive species.”

Thrilling. Gwyn snorted to herself, and when more than a few heads turned in her direction, she quickly masked it as a sneeze.

“I will be available for a Q&A session later this afternoon,” the presenter continued, his finger prodding one of the papers on the top of his stack, as if pointing to a time. “Until then, I suggest perusing the rest of the museum for the insect nursery, where I am told some cerambycid beetle larvae are on display. Do take note of the well-progressed sclerotisation of the mouth parts, and if you find yourself peckish, I hear the cafe has an excellent gelato stand.”

That the presenter could possibly utter the words sclerotisation and gelato in the same sentence only served to confirm for Gwyn that she needed to get out of that room as soon as possible. Eagerly standing up, she shoved her notebook full of fake notes into her bag, and began to walk down the auditorium steps with the rest of the meager audience. Entomology was not a popular field apparently, and Gwyn could hazard a guess as to why.

As she approached the stage where the bug doctor still stood at the podium, politely accepting words of praise from some of the other attendees, Gwyn thought she hear the words antennal sockets and low tubercles, and immediately quickened her pace, slipping past others to ensure that she was towards the middle of the pack, instead of at the very end.

Sighing in relief as soon as she stepped out of the auditorium and into one of the connecting halls outside of the exhibits, Gwyn followed the flow of the crowd. She slipped her phone out of her pocket, pretending to be texting so that none of the bug enthusiasts would attempt to engage her in some conversation about pupation. Only looking up occasionally from her notes app where she just repeatedly typed the words ew ew ew, Gwyn nearly yelped when she heard a voice in her ear. 

“You missed your turn,” Emerie said, her voice slightly crackling through the earpiece hidden behind Gwyn’s hair.

She cleared her notes app, quickly typing the words, I know. And Sorry.

A tinny sigh in her ear. “That’s okay, just don’t attract attention. Pretend to look interested in the exhibit.”

Gwyn locked her phone, slipping it back into her bag as she lifted her head. Immediately regretting the action, once she came face to face with hundred of wiggling, nasty looking larvae.

This time, Gwyn couldn’t hold back her yelp, though she did manage to close her mouth in time to capture the sound, so that it didn’t disrupt the group of people that had gathered to marvel at the nasty little things. Pointing out some fascinating detail of another, as they crowded around the glass window into the bug nursery. In hindsight, Gwyn really should have expected that following the crowd of conference attendees would have led her here.

Carefully controlling her breathing rate so that she wouldn’t alert the others, Gwyn took several steps backwards from the case before turning and walking in the direction of the entrance to the next exhibit. One glance around the room revealed to her that the rest of the entomologists were already deeply engrossed with the contents of the many cases around them, and so Gwyn was able to easily slip out of the room without attracting notice.

The adjoining exhibit, a hall of various bones and skeletons, was relatively less crowded, and Gwyn was just as easily able to weave her way in and out of the gathered bodies. She allowed her head to swivel around, if only to appear as any other mildly interested patron, but stayed resolute in her path towards the exhibit that she’d originally missed.

“Slow down,” Emerie hissed in her ear. “Or at least pretend to be looking for the bathroom.”

Gwyn huffed, shoulders sagging as she forced herself to slow down somewhere in the middle of the ocean exhibit. Above her, the lights illuminated the room in slowly shifting shades of blue, casting the impression of walking along the ocean floor. She ran a hand over her face, and continued walking at a much more deliberate pace.

Admittedly, the museum was rather impressive and on any other day, Gwyn would have been among all of the other patrons, staring wide-eyed at the displays and devotedly reading each and every plaque. 

But she wasn’t here to admire the museum. The entomology conference had only been an excuse for Gwyn to come to the Helion Museum of Natural History. If she had simply attended as a regular patron, without a purpose for ambling through the halls other than pure entertainment, she wouldn’t have been granted a keycard that allowed her access to some of the more restricted sections of the museum.

She’d already taken advantage of that privilege the previous day, when she and the other conference attendees took a tour of the research wings, where the archivists and conservationists worked. Their guide had taken them through room upon room of lovingly organized samples stacked in neat rows upon the shelves or spread across tables as researchers gently worked to clean and preserve them. The ultimate purpose of the tour had been to view the yet unveiling showing of moths as the archivists carefully pinned and labeled them, but Gwyn had conveniently slipped out under the guise of a bathroom break before that ever happened. That night, she returned home to Nesta and Emerie with a neatly drawn map of nearly the entire research wing.

Now, as Gwyn ambled through the ocean exhibit, the brilliant displays of coral and skeletons of various sea creatures rose up around her. She walked slowly, arms crossed over her badge so that anyone passing her wouldn’t note that she’d wandered off from the rest of the entomologists. Emerie gently murmured her approval in Gwyn’s ear, just as she crossed the threshold into the next exhibit, a sign above it advertising the Space and Astronomy hall.

The entrance was a long, dark tunnel with white swirling lights on the rounded ceilings and walls. Not resembling stars, but instead pulsing from one end to another like a portal. Gwyn was the only one walking through it, and belatedly she realized that this was a relatively slow day and hour for the museum. She hadn’t seen many other patrons, except for the rest of the bug crew, and as she walked out of the tunnel and into the dimly lit chamber that was the space exhibit, she realized that she was the only one there, save for the security guard currently leaning against a wall and staring at the toe of his boot.

Gwyn adjusted her glasses, slowly winding around case after case of space memorabilia. Some artifacts collected from the surface of the moon, and hundreds of chunks of rock from meteorites that had crashed to earth. She paused at a few signs for good measure, but her gaze was drawn to the ceiling above, which was a careful recreation of the constellations in the night sky.

As she made her way to the end of the hall, Gwyn nearly tripped over a small pedestal that appeared to rise up out of nowhere. She stumbled back, staring dumbfounded at the small, square case that shone more brightly than any of the others in the entire museum thus far. 

Just a small, glass box atop a narrow pedestal at the center of the corridor, right before the entrance to the next exhibit. And she was so close, Emerie was murmuring in her ear a list of reminders of what to take note of as soon as she entered the next room–but Gwyn couldn’t resist. That one lone box, that felt like it had been waiting for her.

Slowly, she approached, carefully leaning over the glass case to observe the contents, only to see that it was a single glass tube, stoppered at the end with a metal cap.

Gwyn sucked in a sharp breath, holding it as if letting it out would disturb the little granules safely behind several layers of glass. She admired it, this fine powdery substance within the tube that almost looked like glitter, it was so reflective. She didn’t know what it was, only that it was beautiful, catching the light in this oddly mesmerizing way, and there was so little of it. A pinch, really.

Her eyes flashed to the small sign below the display, and read the label: Presolar Grains.

Lips parted in awe, Gwyn looked back to the small tube, and recognized the particles inside as actual stardust. The dust from stars formed billions of years ago, before the sun even existed. She reached out, her five fingers spread across the glass as she crouched to get on eye level with it.

How something so outstanding could be kept in a place as unassuming  as this–just perched on a small pedestal in a vacant section of the museum–was a wonder to her. There should have been hundreds of people crowding around this very case, craning their necks for a chance to see it, this evidence that something had existed before the sun.

“What is it?”

Gwyn jumped as soon as the voice sounded behind her, whirling around with her arm out in front of her with the impulse to shove the person away. With Emerie berating her in her ear, Gwyn managed to suppress her instincts just in time, her eyes widening as they trailed up a man’s chest to his face.

She was met with easily the most gorgeous eyes she’d ever seen. Like molten bronze, these fluent pools of amber and hints of green, and she staggered back, catching herself with a hand atop the case behind her.

“Careful,” the man said, a hint of amusement in his voice as he took half a step forward. Either to catch her, or peel her hand off the case, she couldn’t tell. “The guards might think you’re trying to steal something.”

Gwyn tore her hand off the case as if she’d been burned, hastily stepping aside to put as much distance between herself and the display as she could. She had the strangest feeling, that his eyes had tunneled straight through her, and could somehow see her true intentions as if they’d been written out just as plainly as any other sign in the museum–there was no other reason. He knew why she was there.

But as her heart hammered in her chest at the prospect of her cover being blown, the man only gave her a small smile, really just a fleeting jump at the corner of his mouth, before stepping forward and leaning over the case.

“What are you doing?” Emerie was screeching in her ear. “Leave, geology is in the next room.”

But so perplexed was Gwyn by the man in front of her, that she felt rooted to the spot. Her head cocked slightly to the side as she studied him. How he silently mouthed the words as he read them on the sign, how the slight hook of his nose caught the light emanating from the case, sending an elongated shadow across his face, carving out his cheekbone. Those eyes that were framed by long arching eyelashes and hair that was so dark it seemed to absorb and devour all of the light.

Something about him bothered her.

Suddenly, his head turned, an amused smile already melting over his face as he looked at her. Gwyn jumped, eyes going wide as she pretended like she’d been doing anything other than assessing him. But the man straightened, stepping away from the case to stand slightly in front of her.

“What’s your name?” he asked, his eyes slowly traveling down to the badge around her neck before she could answer.

Gwyn hurried to cover it with a hand, some deeply ingrained instinct of self preservation telling her that she couldn’t trust him despite his friendly smile or Emerie’s pleas for her to just act normal. 

He lifted a brow at her, his gaze snapping back to her face.

“Is it a secret?” he said.

“Diana,” she blurted, forcing her hand to lift away from the badge. “Diana Bishop.”

He simply stared at her for a moment, before letting out a short, caustic laugh.

“Okay.”

Gwyn narrowed her eyes, her hands turning into fists as she studied him. Gorgeous face aside, he looked absolutely normal. Black shirt tucked into immaculately pressed and tailored trousers. Stylish, attractive even–but decidedly normal.

Why, then, couldn’t she smother the feeling that he knew all of her deepest and darkest secrets?

“What was that?” she asked, flinching slightly when her voice came out slightly more accusatory than she supposed it should have. She could at least keep up the appearance that she didn’t suspect him of anything.

“Just let it go,” Emerie hissed in her ear. “Apologize and walk away.”

Apologize. For being her best friend, Emerie apparently didn’t know her at all, because instead of walking out, Gwyn took a step forward, invading the man’s space, crossing her arms over her chest so that they bumped against him. And when she looked up to his face, where she expected to see reproach, instead she saw eagerness.

“Nothing,” he practically purred. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Diana.”

Gwyn frowned, her eyes roving over his face for any sort of tell. Reason told her that he couldn’t have been like her. He was tall, and built like a damn soldier with those broad shoulders and muscles pulling the fabric of his shirt taut over his chest, but there was no way he was dangerous. He had to be normal.

And then there was that gut feeling. Like electricity arcing over her skin, sirens blaring in her ears. He had come out of nowhere.

“And what’s your name?” Gwyn said derisively.

“Fine,” Emerie sighed, resigned, into her ear. “If you won’t listen to me, fine, but when Nesta comes back–”

Irritated, Gwyn jerkily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, hooking her finger into the clear cord of her earpiece and tucking the entire thing into her palm in one movement so that he couldn’t see.

“Azriel,” he said, reaching his hand out. She noticed scars running up the lengths of his fingers towards his wrist, and she stared at the nearly mesmerizing patterns for far too long before she realized that she was meant to shake it, and she still had the earpiece in her palm.

“I have to go,” Gwyn said slowly, backing away and angling her body towards the entrance to the next exhibit.

She put Azriel at her back as she paced towards the short corridor leading to the gems and minerals exhibit, her steps quickening as she passed by the security guard she’d spotted earlier.

Azriel wouldn’t follow her, she assured herself as she crossed into the gems and minerals exhibit, where there were countless glittering gems winking at her beneath the lights. He wouldn’t follow her, because she had been so off putting and strange, he wouldn’t deem her worthy of the effort.

Placated for now, Gwyn adjusted her glasses over her nose, and swiveled her head about the room so that the camera hidden in the frames could capture the overall layout of the exhibit. It was a rushed job, not nearly as meticulous as it would have been if she wasn’t so paranoid that Azriel would jump out of nowhere with twenty armed guards ready to escort her to some secret dungeon in an underground government bunker.

Been there, done that.

She considered popping her earpiece back in, but just as she rounded the first display case at the center of the hall, a mother and child came bounding down the aisle, stopping right next to her to admire a row of amethyst.

She backed up, allowing the little boy some space, and was about to continue her walk around the rest of the room, when she ran into something hard, all of the air whooshing out of her lungs.

“Ugh,” Gwyn grunted, as hands wrapped around her upper arms and steadied her.

“Sorry,” the same voice from before said, helping her to turn around. Of course he’d followed her. She’d been off putting and strange, and he was definitely not normal.

Gwyn glared up at him, all pretenses of being some bookish bug enthusiast easily forgotten. He had found her out, she was sure of it, and she now dedicated all of her efforts towards thinking of a way to get rid of him. Collecting footage of the display cases so Emerie could catalog the contents for later was secondary, because clearly he was a threat to the mission.

Belatedly, she wished she hadn’t taken out the earpiece.

“What do you want?” Gwyn said, a hushed whisper so that the family behind her wouldn’t pick up on the thinly veiled hostility.

Azriel furrowed his brows. So he was going to pretend to be confused, then.

“You left in a hurry,” he explained. “I thought you might be in some sort of trouble, so I came to ask if you needed help. I didn’t mean to run into you.”

Gwyn scoffed. “Yeah, sure. Look, I really should be getting back.”

He hummed thoughtfully, his eyes drifting down to her badge again.

“To the… bugs?”

“Screw you,” Gwyn blurted.

She whirled away, stalking down the aisle as the mother gasped and clapped her hands over her son’s ears. Gwyn didn’t even bother with trying to capture more footage. Her cover was blown, and all she needed to do now was lose her tail without attracting anymore attention.

Unfortunately, that also meant it was rather easy for her pursuer to catch up to her. 

She supposed she could kill him, if it came down to it.

“Did I insult your profession somehow?” He asked, jogging up beside her. “Was I not supposed to call them bugs?”

He came in front of her, trying to capture her gaze, which forced her to halt right beside a large tower of some type of quartz. She knew, not because she bothered to look at it, but because the reflection of it glimmered in his eyes.

“Get out of the way,” Gwyn said through her teeth as she rolled the earpiece within her palm. She glanced around him, eyes noting the camera wedged up against the ceiling. Murder was out, then.

He only smirked down at her, and just the sight of that gentle arch of his mouth was enough to convince her that he was privy to her homicidal intent, somehow. Any normal person would have walked away by now. He was staring her down like an adversary.

“Sure,” he said easily, stepping out of her way, and then waiting. Like he expected her to walk with him. “Maybe you could show me around? I had a bug phase as a kid, you know.”

Gwyn pushed ahead for the exit, struggling to ignore him as he easily matched her pace. If she could just lead him into an empty stairwell, she would be able to lose him. Knock him unconscious, and then leave him there for some poor museum employee to find. She could do it.

She tried to ignore him, and failed because then he started rambling about egg sacs, and Gwyn couldn’t take it anymore.

“Shut up,” she said. On an impulse, she grabbed his arm and pulled him with her towards a door marked Staff Only in a secluded vestibule off of the gem and mineral exhibit.

As the door clicked shut behind them, Gwyn immediately regretted her decision. Chest heaving, she looked around to see that she’d brought them into a storage room. Small, but not as tight as a closet, even with the towering stacks of clearly labeled bins around them. There were no windows, and the only lights were the strips of LEDs along the floor marking the narrow aisles.

“Diana,” Azriel said slowly, letting out a low breath as he glanced around the room. “This is all very flattering, but are you sure you want to do this here?”

“What?” Gwyn shrieked, her hands balling into fists. She backed up towards the door, where she thought she saw a broom, and considered using it to knock him out.

He was crowding her, slowly walking into her until her shoulders pressed against the door. She had been so sure, before bringing him in here, that he wanted to capture her, and with each vanishing inch between them, her mind was thrown into further disarray.

She had to get rid of him.

“I’ll admit,” he said, “There’s clearly something between us.”

Gwyn shook her head, trying to order her thoughts before she looked back up at him. “What are you talking about?”

“But don’t you think it’s a bit too soon for clandestine meetings in dark rooms?” he said.

His hands came up on either side of her head to cage her in. He leaned down, leveling her stare with one of his own, and she watched as his gaze drifted to her mouth.  

“What were you thinking we would do?” he murmured. “When you led me in here?”

“Don’t play with me,” Gwyn said, her pulse thrumming in her ears. She reached out a hand, groping for the door handle.

“No?” he said, face angling to the side. Like he might try to kiss her, and the thought of it was no more terrifying than her realization that she wouldn’t have minded it.

And again, like he could hear every one of his thoughts, his mouth curved into a smile.

“Then what should I do with you?” he asked.

“Look,” Gwyn said, her fingers finally landing on the handle. She pressed herself flush against the door as he stepped closer, so that his chest wouldn’t brush against hers. “Just let me go, and I promise–”

“Let you go?” Azriel murmured, smirking at her.

“Yes,” Gwyn said flatly. She stared resolutely back at him, unwilling to allow him to see even a shred of nervousness. She could do this. She could knock him down right now, if she wanted.

So why wasn’t she?

“Let you go,” he repeated, humming as if he was turning the idea over in his mind. Considering it. His face dipped to the side, his lips somewhere near her ear when he whispered, “Why? Have you done something you shouldn’t have?”

Gwyn’s mouth fell open, her eyes roving restlessly up and down the side of his face as she tried to reconcile the part of her that desperately wanted to see him lying across the floor as she smacked him repeatedly with the broom handle–with the part of her that wanted to see him lying across the floor as she crawled over him and pressed her tongue to his neck.

Her fingers slipped off of the door handle, and were reaching for his shirt collar to do something, when the door suddenly opened behind her, knocking her into his arms. She scrambled for a moment, her hands peeling his off of her waist as he tried to steady her.

Above them, the overhead light flashed on, and she squinted against the harsh light as she turned to face the person who had walked in.

“What are you doing in here?” one of the security guards frowned at them.

Gwyn’s mouth opened and closed, struggling to come up with a reasonable excuse as Azriel scrubbed his hand over his mouth beside her, trying to hide a grin. She had just landed on I got lost, when the security guard groaned, stepping to the side to let them pass.

“They don’t pay me enough to deal with this,” he muttered to himself. He looked up at the ceiling, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’d think adults would behave with some decency.”

Gwyn glared at the security guard, brushing past him and out the door. She expected Azriel to be right behind her, but once she’d gotten over her indignation at having someone assume she’d been doing indecent things with him in public, she turned to look behind her.

Only to see the back of his head.

He was going in the opposite direction.

Stunned, Gwyn tore the lanyard off over her head and chucked it into the nearest trash can. She headed straight for the main staircase at the end of the vestibule, where she knew she could reach the museum atrium and eventually the exit. She needed to get out of there, needed to get lost in a crowd so she could rid herself of the feeling of being watched.

He had let her go.

It didn’t make sense, Gwyn thought as she hurried down the steps. He’d clearly been onto her, had clearly recognized that she was up to something. Any reasonable person wouldn’t have let her go, especially not if she had been his target in the first place. Gwyn wouldn’t have let him go, if the roles were reversed, and if she wasn’t so concerned with getting out of the damn building, she would have been right on his heels.

There was something wrong, Gwyn knew. And she would have to head back to Emerie and Nesta and tell them.

Tell them they needed to call this mission off.

#acotar secret santa #acotar gift exchange 2023 #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel x gwyn #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #modern au #museum heist #enemies to lovers #meet ugly

[hiddengenshinfan]

“Are You Really Her….?”

Neuvifuri(Can be Platonic or Romantic)

Major Implications Of Character Death

Sum - Meeting someone you have never seen within years that you were told had passed is quite a….jarring experience. Especially when you can’t talk…or move.

ALT Prologue - “We Meet Again Under These……Circumstances~”

Everything felt so watery, like she was enveloped in water. It almost felt she was drowning in it but it didn’t hurt. It was all over her, it was inside her it was everywhere. It was within her now after all but it still felt so utterly strange, she had never felt sensations like this in her 500+ years of existence. Maybe this was how you felt after death? A droning sound and footsteps were the only things that accompanied that all encompassing feeling, as well the darkness behind her eyes.

Gentle hands started playing with her hair, and she slowly opened her eyes it was painful to even move her eyelids. This was…..the Opera Epiclese or at least looked like it. It was so bright it felt like it was burning her eyes to look yet at the same time there was a strong feeling to not turn towards the entity playing with her hair. But it hurt so much…..she only had so much willpower. So she finally decided to go against that strange feeling and turned around.

Her gaze was met by identical heterochromic eyes, which made her own eyes widen slightly. Was this another dream?! She was dead, mirror her was dead! Neuvillette said so did he lie?! What purpose would he have to lie about that!?

Then a hand caressed her chin, and then she heard a calming voice that she had not actually heard in so so long. “Calm down Furina~ It will be alright.~” The way the other said it immediately calmed her, it made mirror her all the more real but she couldn’t imagine Neuvillette lying about some a thing. He was always so….honest? Was that the right word honestly she couldn’t be sure more so blunt maybe? He didn’t necessarily have many secrets to hide but she had a mansion of such, she was the liar in the relationship not Neuvillette so what was going on.

But then ‘mirror her’ got up from the sitting position she was in before and spoke again. “I am glad you are finally awake~” ‘Mirror her’ said with a playful smile then started to walk around the stage seemingly unneeding of a response to that. Furina tried to speak she did but the very second she tried to talk, her jaw wouldn’t move and if it did it hurt with no end to the point she stopped trying for now at least. “You must have many questions right?~” She spoke like she knew what Furina was thinking which Furina herself didn’t at all doubt. “…..Well I have many questions too!~ Just not towards you but him.” For once the very playful tone phased itself out especially at the mention of a him. It made Furina slightly curious but she still wasn’t able to even move her jaw so she didn’t try to ask.

“Anyways. That is truly unimportant for what we need to talk about now~ My appearance here is not a dream nor is it a hallucination.~ I am truly here with you Furina!~ Within you’re mind at least!~” She spoke with a certain sense of calm but also nonchalantly with that constant playfulness attached, like that wasn’t just a lot of information. How could she be within her mind but it not be a dream or hallucination?!  As well as the fact she was still hang up on the fact Focalors was supposed to be dead!

“So humorous….~” Mirror her said with a tiny bit of a giggle seemingly unable to stop it fully from being let out. What did th- “I can hear your thoughts, my silly little perfect human half!~” She said full of an affection that made Furina slightly flustered, since she was unused to it. Both from mirror her as well as anybody, she wanted to retort but she still couldn’t regardless of how much she wanted to. “Anyway. We are struck in a rather unorthodox situation. Do you have any clue why I’d reconvene with you?” There was no more playfulness to her tone but it didn’t sound cruel but it sounded much more professional if Furina had to use a word like that.

Furina honestly didn’t know everything was so murky almost like all her memories had been flooded and she had to swim through her own brain to recover them. There were faint acknowledgments of people of situations of stuff that happened. But if you asked her names for whatever reason she’d only be able to say Neuvillette’s, Clorinde’s and Seigwinne’s. Why those three she didn’t even know but that’s all she would be able to say. Mirror her just seemed to sigh and give her a look of…..pity?

“We were once one, through I separated us to trick the heavenly principles. It was a planned inevitability that if that failed or something else strange happened we would reconvene into one again. My divinity with your body and sprit like we originally were. Through my divinity has been lost and givin back to its rightful owner this simple fact that we were eventually meant to reconvene had not changed, through now all we’d both gain was the memories that are probably far too eroded to even recall. That does not matter through, this reconvening process had requirements we had to be in samilar states of existence, which is why I didn’t become one with you after I ‘perished’. But something has fundamentally changed about your state of existence that has allowed me to become one with you again…..”

Mirror her let that linger in the air almost unsettlingly seemingly wishing for Furina to figure out what the former god was trying to say. Furina felt a bluntly sharp pain in her head then she grabbed onto her chest…..

She didn’t remember what happened next, until she finally realized that Focalors was shaking her with a strange look on her face, most of this whole time she had a smile or a straight face but she looked scared, concerned or maybe even fearfully. She only realized the sharp pain radiating from her chest and that she was violently shaking and even that she was screaming and crying. How did she not realize that…? Then she started to feel so distant from Focalors from everything. She felt like she was becoming a simple observer of her own trembling body and Focalors desperate form. Getting further and further from them until she realized she could not see them and only saw murky darkness.

She shot up out of fear everything hurt! Where did she go!? She had only realized the scenery had changed when she frantically looked around for them. It was a room maybe in a basement but that was not the most alarming part. He was here…..Neuvillette! She wanted to run over to him ask him what any of this meant!? Those memories everything! He should know right?! But her body did not obey actually she’d say it was very disobedient after she jerked awake it seemed it did not indeed move. Actually her head slumped over slightly. Why was her body being so traitorous! All she wanted was answers, she was so confused!

All she could do was look at Neuvillette and try and talk, trying to repeat the words ‘Help me’. But of course he seemed stunned, why was he stunned!? The one time she needed him the one time she so desperately needed his help and was willing to actually show it….he’s stunned?! When she is actually able to talk she is going to give him a piece of her mind! Hm….there had to be a way to get him to move right!? She needed him this opportunity to ask questions to somebody that wasn’t Focalors that she trusted was too big of an opportunity to mess!

She tried desperately to left up her hand towards Neuvillette but it wasn’t obeying her. This was far too painful to bare…..maybe just maybe…she could use that excessive of water in her body? It was a strange thought that overwhemingsense of hydro that felt like it encompassed her maybe she could use it. She was unsure if she had her vision on her person she was far too frantic to think that logically. She’d make this work she’d make her arm work no matter what! It simply had!

WORK WORK WORK. She kept on screaming within her own mind towards her hand, she was desperate truly desperate. Archons she had to make so many excuses later about this but that was her future, her now was now. Eventually she felt her arm be encompassed in the hydro on the inside at least, it felt so strange so numb, maybe she could use this weird hydro to force her hand to move at least. She focused on her wrist trying to get it to move, then she heard a crack. Then she saw nothingness.

Her eyes fluttered open but now she was no longer in a basement with Neuvillette. She was back with Focalors on the stage. Through the way Focalors stared at her made her uneasy, was she glaring at her? The former god then bluntly said “Yes.”

She wanted to ask why and what happened back there. “You woke up obviously! Yea broke your own wrist and then someone rightfully assumed you were a danger to yourself and knocked yea back out.” Mirror her said crossing her arm glaring at Furina still. When did she break her wrist…? She didn’t remember the pain, but she had a feeling that cracking sound might’ve been it. “Of course it was. You forced too much of hydro on your fragile bones through your mind alone….which is mildly concerning.” Mirror her started to pace looking at Furina again. Possibly….could her other half no longer be human? It was surely a possibility at least after that display, but what would she be then? It was curious question for right now Focalors simply assumed due to Neuvillette and her own involvement that Furina had become a Oceanaid of sorts again. Considering her dominion over the hydro in her own body, but Focalors was not omnipotent she only knew so much, maybe more then Furina did but even she only know so much and Neuvillette probably had more answers then the both of them which she’d silently curse Celestia for.

Maybe when Furina next awakens to the actual world they can try and talk to Neuvillette together….to get there own respective answers.

#furina #genshin impact #focallett #neuvifuri #artwork #fanfic #neuvillette #focalors #sketch #digital illustration

[hobisfavoritespritecan]

Blueberries and Cigarettes

Cliff Booth X Reader

Request by @multifandomfanfic : "Maybe something along the lines of you're a hitchhiker and you meet him after he picks you up from a hitchhiking experience and then you guys like make out in his car."

⚠️ Warnings: Language, drug use ⚠️

The sun was unnecessarily hot today as you dragged your feet along the sidewalk; you were quite a ways away from home. The heat blaring down on your bare shoulders signified you that you were going to be burnt by the end of the day. The sidewalk hurt your feet and your shorts felt especially sticky as you continued towards the open road; your cherry lollipop that you picked up at the convenience store on your little adventure stuck to the roof of your mouth. This summer was brutal.

You passed a couple of signs along the way that were covered with graffiti and dirt. This was Hollywood- home of the stars. Maybe you'd have appreciated it more if it wasn't so grimy. The spots that were uninhabited by celebrities and were filled with the normal working citizens of America were less scenic.

"Hey!" A voice could be heard from behind you and instantly you identified it to be one of the girls from Spahn Ranch. A brunette with large eyes and a tooth gap started making her way towards you with a large jar of pickles under her right arm. Eating one of them herself, she practically throws herself onto you with a smile and a shirt stained with pickle juice.

"Hi." You said, only because you didn't want to be rude. You weren't really a fan of Pussy (the girl, not the thing itself) since she was always a bit more spontaneous and over-the-top than you preferred in a person. She was sweet, just a bit too...

You would've finished that thought, but a pickle was suddenly stuffed into your mouth.

"You like? Stole em' from that place up in town." She said, crunching on another one.

You coughed and took it out of your mouth. "Pussy, I have a sucker."

She laughed with her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth and made a similar noise to a hissing cat. Her hair was frizzy now that she had been under the sun and her rainbow top was tied incorrectly behind her neck. These small little things about her made her redeemable in a way.

You smiled. "It's okay, you wacko. Yes, the pickles are good, you should try them with a cherry sucker in the back of your throat too."

She giggled and ran towards the bench just a little ways away from where you were walking. You ditched the candy on the ground and continued to eat the cucumber that was forced into your face. The colorful billboards around you were blinding but extravagant, and you didn't know what sight was more interesting; the colors of the advertisements or Pussy sticking her thumb out at the speeding cars nearby as she drank from the jar. "Asshole!" She screamed at the car that threatened to stop, but made a quick turn and drove off in the other direction.

After what seemed like twenty minutes of sitting with Pussy, a yellow car drove up by the sidewalk and stopped in its tracks. You couldn't really see whoever was behind the wheel, but Pussy looked ecstatic.

"It's Mr. Hawaii!!" She said, and pulled your arm up to the vehicle, forcing you and the stranger to come face to face. He was quite a bit older and very handsome, and he had a nice tan that followed all the way down to the hem of his shirt. Meaning: he was tanned everywhere. And boy, did that leave a nice first impression. Longer hair and sunglasses framed his face as he lifted the lenses above his eyes and rested them on his head. A bright yellow Hawaiian shirt adorned his figure and a cigarette was stuck between his teeth, unlit. To say this guy wasn't the most handsome man you've seen would be a complete and total lie.

"Uh, hey." You said, giving a curt wave. You took notice of how he smiled at you; it was full of warmth and invitation. You blushed, feeling your entire body go hot the moment he flashed his brilliant teeth in your direction.

"Well, hello there," He nodded and then looked at Pussy, "You need a ride?"

Pussy must've noticed how enthralled you were by Mr. Hawaii already, so she nudged you in the direction of the passenger side window and grinned as she saw your cheeks flush once more. "Nope, but they do!"

You mentally cursed the girl but also thanked her because goddamn you really wanted to get in the car with this guy.

"Well alrighty then. Hop in?" He finally lit the cigarette and rested his elbow out the window, looking completely and utterly relaxed. He was so laid back that it almost scared you, wondering if he had any ulterior motives for his car ride. But then again, Pussy wouldn't have introduced you with such excitement if she didn't trust the guy.

You nodded in response and opened the car door, giving Pussy a look saying 'Thank you,' as you sat down. The car radio was playing "Bring A Little Lovin'" by Los Bravos and the familiarity of the popular song put any nerves you had to ease. She shut the door behind you from the outside and grinned, picking up another pickle out of the jar and popping it into her mouth. You were about to say something to her through the open window, but Mr. Hawaii was already speeding away and Pussy had busied herself in flipping someone off from the other side of the street.

It had only been two minutes before the man tried to start a conversation, looking back and forth from you to the mirror. "So, how you know Pussy?" He said with a slight southern accent, something you didn't pick up the first time you'd heard him.

"She's just another hippie from Spahn." You said, looking out at the buildings you passed by. Mr. Hawaii drove pretty carelessly.

"Ah." He said, turning his eyes back to the road. Your eyes caught his hand on the stick shift and a bunch of interesting thoughts ran through your head. You knew you probably shouldn't be fancying him in the way you were, but you couldn't help yourself. "Somethin the matter?"

Oh shit. He had caught you staring.

"Oh nothing! Just looking around your nice car." You said, trying to cover up the fact that you were checking him out. He seemed to accept your answer, but you knew deep down that he was aware of your antics. With that sky smile of his and the cigarette between his lips, you knew you were done for the minute you set foot in the vehicle.

Another moment of silence passes as he continues to drive every which way, effortlessly rounding corners and driving through red lights earning a couple of honks and beeps from other cars. Ironically, you felt totally safe.

"So where'ya heading?" He shook his head, letting the glasses fall down into his face and moving his hair in every which way.

"I'm not really in a rush to get anywhere," you said, now anxious that because you didn't have a set destination that you were wasting his time, "You can drop me off here if you have somewhere to be."

He looked at the watch on his wrist and grinned. "Nah, we can keep goin'," he replied.

You played with the hem of your shirt as you stared awkwardly at your outfit. What to do now? It was probably your turn to start the conversation since he had broken the silence the past two times, yet you didn't know what to say. Luckily for you, he speaks again.

"So," he begins, his little western accent kicking in slightly as he speaks. His mouth was drawn into a smile and he leaned over in the seat, staring at you once the two of you reached a red light. "I know a really great ice cream shop a little ways down from here. We could go if you wanted."

"Sure!" You said, hoping it didn't sound too enthusiastic.

...

The car ride wasn't as silent anymore once you had made it to the shoppe. Picking out a strawberry ice cream while your driver licked away at a blueberry one, you held in your astonishment with the beautiful man before you. Sure, Pussy had forced pickles into your mouth and had annoyed you before but goddamn you were thankful that she introduced you to a specimen as fine as Mr. Hawaii.

"That reminds me," you begin, taking another lick of the sweet goodness, "What's your name?"

"Well, what's yours?" He flashes you that brilliant smile once more.

"(Y/N)." You say while watching his body language. Leaning into the table, he gets slightly closer to you and before you know it, he has a hand by your mouth wiping away the straw strawberry.

"I like (Y/N)." He says, laughing as you get all hot and flustered. "My name's Cliff. Cliff Booth."

You realize that you vaguely remember that name from somewhere, although you can't place a finger on it. Mentally shrugging, you see Cliff go for another bite of his ice cream but fail as he ends up with a glob of it on his nose. Just as he's about to wipe it off, you reach out your hand and do it for him. "Allow me, you helped me out the last time." Grinning, you see his cheeks turn a slight red.

"(Y/N), I'm not usually this blunt but uh...you said you weren't in a rush to get anywhere right?"

Wondering where he was possibly going with this, you nod your head in agreement and give him a quizzical expression.

"Well do you want to make out in my car?"

Nearly choking, you stare at him with wide eyes. There's no way someone as handsome and charismatic as him wanted to make out with you. Especially when you first met via hitchhiking. But something told you this was too good of an opportunity to pass up seeing how eager the two of you seemed. You weren't going to let the insecurities get in the way of this one.

"Uh... Yes?" You said with as much enthusiasm as you could muster in the moment, still being somewhat disconnected that this was the reality that you were living in. He takes your hand and leads you back to the vehicle you would always associate with him after this moment and you both ditch what was left of your ice creams in the nearest trash can. Time seemed to slow as you opened up the door on the passenger side and close it, watching as Cliff gets in the driver's seat. He puts a hand along your jaw, leaning you closer to him as he moves his hand to rest along your thigh.

"Are you sure this is okay?" He asks you, noting not only your physical and emotional well-being but also remembering the slightly less average than normal age gap between you.

"Yes, absolutely."

That was all he needed before he leaned in, placing his lips on yours and holding you pressed against his face. He was soft and kind and added very little pressure as he started to loosen up around you and the tight space the car had to offer. It filled you with claustrophobia but the good kind as it felt there was a closeness you wouldn't have been able to reach anywhere else.

"You taste like strawberries and pickles." He says, pulling away from you just to rest his forehead against yours after a while. Sharp deep breaths were heard all throughout the space as you tried to catch your breath, your face a giant smile and your heart a billion butterflies trying to escape your chest all at once. This was where you felt the most at home.

"Well you taste like blueberries and cigarettes, which happens to be my new favorite taste in the world." You say, leaning in for more affection from the stranger but not stranger before you.

...

(A/N): I hope this is okay! Again, I'm so so sorry that it took me this long to finish your beautiful fanfiction request but I honestly loved writing every part of this short story.

With love, Panko Shrimp 💛 🦐

#brad pitt x reader #brad pitt #cliff booth imagines #cliff booth x reader #cliff booth #ouatih #celebrity fanfiction #fanfiction #hobisfavoritespritecan

[seviinoxiel]

Kazui T2 VD Thoughts and Speculations pre-MV

I've come back to finally talk about Kazui, one of my favorite prisoners, and give some of my thoughts and speculations based on his T2 voice drama before the MV for Cat drops. This voice drama still keeps a lot of things vague but the one thing I was able to interpret from this is that the Kazui gay theory may actually turn out real.

Eng TL source (big thanks for this):

There's really no other way you could interpret these statements. If he's not specifically gay then he is at the very least LGBT or queer. I will provide some quotes and my thoughts on them below.

Quote 1:

Es raises adultery as a possible cause for his crime but Kazui refutes it not by just saying that he did not commit adultery or infidelity but by also saying that it did not even turn into a case of one, implying that there were feelings towards a third party involved but it was simply never acted upon. Now whether the third party is just one person or a whole gender he keeps it vague.

Quote 2:

His marriage was built upon false pretenses and whether or not he did feel something towards his wife, the foundation of their relationship comprised of lies. Kazui viewed his commitment to the marriage as a sort of self-imposed punishment for his inability to stop his lies. He lied his entire way up to this point and it is only right that he continues to play his part.

Once he got the innocent verdict from Trial 1, he felt a bit relieved that maybe he could open up just a little in hopes of Es and Milgram itself to truly understand him. He took off his ring in order to alleviate himself from his punishment as he was validated into thinking that perhaps his lies could be unraveled. He does, however still feel guilty towards what happened to his wife.

Quote 3:

And then this passage comes along and it really just sounds like an old closeted gay man jaded by facing bigotry his entire life whenever he tried to simply be himself. It is very intense queer coding and if this was not on purpose then I do not know if I can ever trust this series with anything anymore. The emphasis on him lying ever since he was born as a way of survival especially screams queer.

To many queer and LGBT people, coming out of the closet is one of the most terrifying and monumental things you could ever do or ever have done. It feels like laying yourself bare to people who you do not even know if they would accept you or ridicule you. And oftentimes, the way other people act afterwards can feel as if it was a direct product of the coming out and, whenever bad things happen, queer people blame themselves for having even thought that something good would come from being open in the first place. Even though it was not their fault, they blame themselves because that was how society has conditioned them. I speak from experience by the way.

Now, this is speculative territory but I do not think Kazui coming out to his wife ever really affected her mental state to such a degree that she would kill herself because of it. Milgram is quite unreliable with their criteria in picking prisoners (e.g. Yuno being imprisoned for abortion), so I would not put it past them that Kazui was simply convicted for his close relation to his wife, for being a possible cause rather than a direct cause, or for his prior lies which led to that point. I think that was why Es also brought up Kant and how you cannot blame someone for telling the truth no matter whatever situation that may arise from it.

Well, that is all I could say right now and I am excited to see the full MV in around 6 hours. I was very confident in the gay theory before but after this voice drama I am certain about it and I hope I am not the only one. Thank you for reading and once again thank you to @onigiriico for the translation!

#mukuhara kazui #kazui mukuhara #milgram #milgram kazui #milgram trial 2 #ミルグラム #milgram theory #kazui gay theory #gay kazui truthers we rise at dawn #just keep believing we are right

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 - 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧

A/N: I had an absolutely wild time writing this and trying to figure out how I wanted reader and Jonathan’s dynamic. Turns out, I want Jonathan to be a mess and reader to be an absolute tease so there’s that. 

As per, this fic and the series itself contains suggestive, somewhat spicy content so this is 18+ only. MINORS DNI

Admittedly, you found the way Jonathan became even more shy and quiet when the bottle landed him kind of cute. The way he avoided your gaze and started to blush was even more cute. Nancy whispered something into his ear as she squeezed his arm, smiling at him as she did so. He eventually looked back at you and nodded before rising to his feet, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans as you stood up. You both walked out of Steve’s bedroom and into the next one, the closet somewhat imposing despite being a harmless inanimate object.

You paused for a moment when the two of you arrived. Were it anyone else you wouldn’t be so hesitant to get in the closet (well, maybe you’d hesitate a little with Nancy). However, the way he gripped onto the hem at the bottom of his shirt made you stop and wait for him to make the first move. You didn’t want to spook him or make him feel pressured into getting in the closet with you, especially as you were aware that his experience in the romance department was limited to Nancy. You’d grown up with Jonathan and knew that Nancy was his first ever girlfriend, so you understood how nervous he was about the current situation.

Jonathan did eventually grab hold of the closet’s door handle after a few seconds, yanking it open a little too forcefully. He gestured for you to climb in first and held out a hand to help you get in. You made yourself comfortable on the ground, shifting your legs so that he had space to get in himself. You had to suppress a chuckle at the fact he chose to stand up and press himself against the other side of the closet as he closed the door. The light was dim, but still light enough that you could just about see the outline of his body.

A comfortable silence had settled between the two of you as you both listened to the muffled sounds of chatter and laughter emanating from Steve’s room. At least they were having fun, you thought to yourself. You turned your attention back to Jonathan when he cleared his throat.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m not really experienced with… you know…”

You smiled as you played with your hands in your lap. “No worries, Jon. Believe it or not, I kind of had an inkling when you told me while you were drunk one night that Nancy’s the only girl you’ve had sex with. Trust me, it’s no biggie. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing.”

Jonathan’s sigh of relief helped to put you at ease too. You hadn’t realised how anxious you’d been about the possibility of making out in a closet with Nancy’s boyfriend, although the concept certainly wasn’t unappealing. Truthfully, you did think he was a cute guy, even if you felt it was a bit weird that he’d taken pictures of Steve and Nancy together from behind the former’s house a few years back. The two men had patched things up since then, but at the time you couldn’t spend any time in Steve’s presence without him commenting on it.

The faint smell of purple palm tree delight wafting up your nostrils pulled you out of your thoughts. It was a smell you’d come to associate with Jonathan just as much as you did with Argyle, the three of you often getting high on it together. You vaguely remembered him having a couple of hits of it earlier in the party but didn’t smoke a full joint like you and Argyle had.

“That shit’s pretty good right?” you asked, desperate to make conversation with him.

“Hm?”

“The purple palm tree delight. Do you have a supplier here in Hawkins or is it all just stuff that Argyle brought with him while he stays down here for the summer?”

You heard the quiet sound of Jonathan’s feet moving as he adjusted his position.

“Oh, yeah Argyle brought it with him. Didn’t trust me to find a decent supplier here.”

A smile found its way onto your face. “Has Nancy tried any yet?”

He snorted. “Nancy? Doing drugs? Nah, she doesn’t like that kind of stuff. She’s okay with other people smoking it as long as they don’t try to pressure her into it. I usually just smoke it with you or Argyle so she doesn’t have to be around it.”

You nodded your head before tilting it back and tapping rhythmically on your thighs. It was nice to hear that Nancy didn’t let Jonathan’s, ahem, recreational activities get in the way of their relationship. Before Jonathan had moved away you hadn’t been a big fan of drugs either. However, then you’d met Eddie and tried smoking weed for the first time to impress him and since then it was something you took part in somewhat regularly.

Wanting to change the subject, you trained your gaze roughly where Jonathan’s face was. “I’m kind of surprised that Nancy was up for playing seven minutes in heaven. It doesn’t really seem like her thing. Or yours, actually.”

Jonathan cleared his throat. “We wanted to try something new.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

You didn’t need to look at him to know he was blushing again. “We’ve been talking about… stuff.”

“Stuff?”

He paused before speaking up once more. “Maybe adding another person into our relationship. Sometimes we’re just curious about what it would be like for a third person to join us. We’ve not really gone into any detail when we’ve talked about it. Nancy thought that maybe the game could be a test run to see how we feel about kissing other people and stuff.”

Jonathan’s confession wasn’t one you were expecting. The fact that he felt comfortable enough with you to trust you with that information meant a lot to you, especially as he was a private person and didn’t talk a lot about his relationship with others beyond dates and such. The weight of his trust boosted your confidence as you rubbed your foot against his leg.

“Would you like to test it out with me? We’ve known each other for a few years and we’re already playing a game where the purpose is to kiss people. Why not do it with someone you know?”

You stifled a chuckle at the way Jonathan choked. He never had been able to handle himself when someone flirted with him.

“Would you be comfortable with that?” he asked, his voice cracking near the end.

“Only if you are. If you’re not comfortable with it, then we can just go back to talking and not mention it again.”

There was a momentary shuffling sound as Jonathan tried to get closer, crouching as he approached. Once you felt he was close enough, you smirked and traced your hands up his thighs before hooking your fingers into his bet loops and pulling him down so that he was straddling you. You elected not to comment on the fact that you could feel he was already half hard in your lap and grabbed a fistful of his shirt to pull his face closer to yours.

“C-Can I kiss you, please?” he asked, his voice slightly whiny and his breath tickling your face.

Maybe it was the purple palm tree delight and its lingering high that made you say what you said next, but Jonathan’s reaction was definitely worth it.

“Go crazy, sweet boy.”

Jonathan moaned and smashed his lips against your lips, his hips already grinding against you needily as you tasted the faint aftertaste of drugs and alcohol on his tongue. His body was warm against you as his hands rested on your shoulders, not sure where to put them. Your teeth clacked against one another as he desperately deepened the kiss. You moved one of your hands so that it was creeping beneath his shirt and stroking his stomach, inching closer to the waistband of his jeans the more you kissed. His fingers began to tangle themselves in your hair as he continued rocking his hips into yours and you did the same in return. He choked out a groan at the way your groins created a pleasurable friction that neither one of you could get enough of.

“You feel so good, sweet boy. Keep doing that,” you purred against his lips. His whine had heat pooling down below. You gently tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth and chuckled when he bucked against you.

“P-please keep going,” he rasped, hands desperately pulling you back into the kiss. His tongue thrusted into your mouth, and you couldn’t help but whimper against him when he tugged on your hair a little bit.

The hand that had been resting on Jonathan’s stomach moved down to his crotch and you smirked when you felt how hard he was through his jeans. Cupping him, you began to squeeze and rub along the outline of his length, and he shuddered against you.

“Does that feel good? You want more?” you teased him, relishing the way he frantically nodded and mewled as he tried to grind against your hand.

The sharp rapping on the door forced the two of you apart, remembering that the time you had was limited because of the game you were all playing. Had it really been so easy for you both to lose yourselves in the moment and forget the reason you were in the closet in the first place.

The closet doors opened without warning to reveal Nancy, her eyes immediately catching sight of the tent in her boyfriend’s pants. Her gaze turned more mischievous as she turned to you.

“Was I interrupting something good?” she questioned, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jonathan coughed and readjusted himself in his jeans. “Sorry, Nance. We got carried away and –”

“You say that as if it’s gonna bother me.” Nancy held out her hands to you both, the two of you frowning in confusion as she pulled you both up. “Let’s continue this somewhere we won’t get interrupted.”

Biting your lip, you followed the couple down the stairs and out of Steve’s house to her car. From the look in her eyes, the three of you had a long and exciting night ahead of you.

Tagging: @alltoosmalls 

Special thanks to @irongirljedi and @lazy-lolita​ bc otherwise I would’ve been on the struggle bus trying to figure out if Jonathan would straddle someone and what kind of pet name he’d have and then this never would’ve gotten posted lmaooo

#spicy content #stranger things #jonathan byers #jonathan byers x reader #fanfic #mine #my fanfic

[machidielontheway]

i am chatty today because i've got ✨The Anxieties✨

i choose to stop two choirs this year cause i didn't have fun like before (a long while, actually) and i had said to friends "i will come back with you to this other choir, the one we met all in, like you already have since a year". and i really thought i would cause it would let me keep community, and a regular occasion to work on what we'd see with my singing teacher.

but in the last two months i felt so relieved and free to not have to go back to the choirs i stopped, i began feeling like going to this other one would be again 'stiffling', even tho it's at a very low level (beginner level, altho a good beginner level). and that it would become a chore again.

i went to the open session yesterday and seeing all my friends and having fun in the warm up was really, really nice. but the choir work in itself, while of good sound quality and with a good chef, was so sloooow to my own needs. and we can't talk for real when in session, or just quick when the voice working is changing, so it's texting or nothing.

and i felt that i would be soon unfulfilled / bored in it, of the pace, and also the songs are nice but not really my taste (it was once 100%, but now it's only 50% to what i heard was planned.)

cons : - lot of people, mask is somehow accepted. i don't want to go back to singing in mask because it's really hard and creates problems which i have already, in terms of Singing. but given how covid moves lately i also don't want to be in 60 people's company in one medium room without a mask. - "slow" pace, potentially boring "what am i doing here" thinking. i could definitively bring something to do, or just read or something, as lot of people do, but i don't want my choir experience to be "you come for 2 hours and, besides warming up, you sing 15 of them". i know a good numbers of good / high level singers are in this choir and don't mind cause the ambiance is really nice, the quality is here, and the community is good, but i don't think i would have liked it. - i already have three weeks a night taken (danse, tv night with friend<3, and instrument soon if i'm not averse to it after the trial class tonight). going to choir would make it four nights a week taken every weeks (unless i double one night which is possible but not ideal especially on the long term). and i want that time to try new things / try to go forward in my life ! - i don't want to double down on my "choir the last years has been more of a duty sometimes than anything else" and continue and risk disliking it even more. i feel like simply singing in the grass or in a church with friends brings me much more pleasure, simple giddy fulfilling and without anxieties. yeah i can't sing masterpieces i've been dreaming to sing since years, needing 40 persons, but those masterpieces are not going away. they will still be sung in years and years (indodana and baba yetu my beloved)(that, funnily enough, are going to be sung this year in one of the choir i left lol. didn't change my decision) - having "one night more" gives me a little more time to try to be more active in reaching out to friends and proposing drinks or outings or so (....maybe. that's the plan. "if you wish you had a friend like that, be that friend" post)

pros : - singing and spending a little time every week with my friends, who as adult is hard to do in other circomstances ! - not feeling like my friends are having fun and sharing time together and i'm all alone not being there :( - working on what i'm working on with my singing teacher... maybe (loosing your long-time used crutches / wrong things you did because you didn't know better is very hard in context of choir where you body has sooo many automatisms)

So cons are winning a lot. but i'm so scared i'm making the wrong choice !! especially imagining them all having fun and feeling like i'm the one not there, shunned of my own desire. it uh. it hit a little bit deep in the never healed wound in my heart.

#3615 my life #posts that makes me fidgety cause if someone irl read that they would know who i am #and i could not say 'it's another person in the same situation !' #anyway. inscription are today and places are limited #so if Instrument i really dislike tonight i will try to sign up for choir anyway even though i may not get a place #as i'm sure every other new singer want to be in #but i don't want instrument to not be cool !! i have thought of doing it for the last two years so i'm excited to try it #recipe against anxiety is doing things so i will go do things now #and cry a bit #because losing the community of choir -even if i wasn't really using it tbh... sometimes it was more awkward than anything actually #but it's still scary because i'm very scared of feeling alone cause i'm actually lonely. so. #but it's time for change. and if i see i don't like it then i will know ! pain is only information your brain gives you !!! #god i need to find a therapist.

[certifiedplayerhater]

3/54: EPIC the Musical

disclaimer: i know nothing of Greek mythology or music, but i have strong opinions.

i caught up to EPIC and have some thoughts:

overall, the musical was a lot of fun! i throughly enjoyed the experience listening to it and thought the music direction and production was its strongest point. i think that’s what makes this a strong musical as opposed to a stage production—it is very bold in its direction and executes the vision quite well! while listening you can tell that this was what the creator was envisioning for each track which is quite exciting.

this is at the expense of the subtlety of the story. the lyrics were basic but at times the callbacks were clumsily done and a little hamfisted. this is also in addition to the show-off effect that happens in a lot of amateur musical productions — where the actors are all so talented and they really want to convince the audience of that. it broke me out of the musical when you’d have the tension be broken by an impromptu vocal showcase that didn’t really feel deserved. (Survive’s “push forward” line, Athena’s final verse in My Goodbye, and the “you’re alone” line are the best examples of this)

the Troy saga is shockingly underwhelming in the context of the rest of the musical? like it’s a good set up to everything and Odysseus as a character but it seems so tame compared to the direction of the later sagas. i think the opening line is probably the most important line in a musical, and i understand what it does for Odysseus but the story itself still leaves something to be desired. i think if just a man had stronger elements in the initial story then it would have felt more deserved, because it was just kinda like Odysseus and the boys are here.

however! Odysseus’ character development moments are pretty strong. it’s a little frustrating because the callbacks later on are a little clumsily done (especially the Just A Man callback, it was set up so well but kind of fell flat), but overall the delivery of these moments are pretty solid.

the Cyclops saga is where the story picks up quite a bit and it’s consistently very high? like there’s not nearly as many tender moments as there are in Troy, but it makes sense because this is the start of his journey! I think the dynamic between Athena and Odysseus was very strong (much stronger than his and Polite’s). the tension between Odysseus’ humanity and Athena’s teachings were very palpable throughout the entire remaining sagas, even when she abandoned him.

this saga was when you really start to hear them using production for their advantage. yes the cyclops sounded like a vocal effect, but it was such an interesting take on a monster. i haven’t heard this more electronic approach to monsters before and tbh i think it would’ve been interesting to incorporate some kind of trap or edm elements to break from the established motifs in the story, especially because you have this triumphant moment for Odysseus on top of an electric guitar. it’s not a necessity, but if the creators want to explore more of these unconventional music styles i think they’d do it pretty well!

by the Storm saga you can kind of tell the pattern of each four part story. Storm was a brilliant beginning to the saga, which is why i found the Horse and the Infant to be underwhelming in comparison. i also really enjoyed the use of setting in this song? like setting was always very strong, but the chanting of the crew mates really added to this almost sea-shanty effect. it was also a great transition from the string-heavy section from the Cyclops to the electronic rock feel of the Ocean saga.

overall, for how long it is, it’s pretty good! obviously i would like for it to be longer, especially drawing out some of the key confrontations a bit more (like Poseidon only having one song felt criminal, especially since it is so strong) but i understand producing something this big is taxing in itself so what can you do. that being said, Poseidon stole the show completely. i found the casting for the gods to be the most compelling, like they have the biggest moments and characters so it makes sense that their songs are the most intense and stick with you the most. i only wished that this intensity carried with the human characters, who tended to rely on the melodies to carry them through the songs as opposed to the other way around.

it’s stronger in its parts than as a whole because it can feel so formulaic at moments. the transitions between the sagas were choppy, like while recording the last song they were like “oh yeah we have another saga to do”. i understand it’s hard to make something complete as a body and it’s parts, but listening to them all back to back reveals how disjointed the sagas feel most of the time. like thematically yes Odysseus has grown, but musically it’s just not quite there (for example, finishing Cyclops with the drum-heavy choral singing of Athena and her delicate leitmotif when Odysseus JUST had an electronic rock moment in Remember Them that ties much cleaner into Storm — maybe if there was some build up to Odysseus’ defiance and new character development in the end it would have been stronger? especially since the last time we heard from him he was just yelling you’re alone)

im excited for the next saga! its Circe so i don’t think we’ll deviate from the strings, but maybe it’ll have a bit more edge to it? i was imagining some interesting uses of the harp but idk.

depending on my opinions i might edit this to include Circe or just make a new post.

#epic the musical #epic the ocean saga #epic the troy saga #epic the cyclops saga #album review challenge #album review

[ahmedmootaz]

Bendy And The Dark Revival: Thoughts and Opinions.

Yup, exactly what the title says this is. I just finished the game (~<1 hour ago as of the time of writing), and I had a few opinions I wanted to share. Consider this a sort of mini-review.

And obviously, this post is going to be the absolute motherload of every single sort of possible and impossible spoiler that may have spoilered in the history of spoilering since The Greatest Spoilering Of All Time.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Firstly, let's talk about the good parts! That's always a good way to start these things off, eh?

-First of all, he graphics are GREAT, the improvements done by The Meatly here are impeccable; the shadows and the general graphical atmosphere really sucks you in, even when playing on the lowest graphical settings, and some areas can be a treat to observe and watch, like the city in Chapter 4 when you're watching it from the glass window where you first meet little Bendy. I cannot understate how good the graphics can look at some points, and this also extends to entities and enemies, as they have unique designs that sill feel as if they belong to the Bendy universe, alongside the classic ones like the Butcher Gang, of course.

-The movement of Audrey is a whole lot smoother than Henry's ever was. When I played the original Bendy And The Ink Machine, the movements were sluggish almost, and the mouse sensitivity was either non-existent or too speedy that I couldn't notice it. Overall, I'd definitely consider it a plus that moving isn't actively impeded by some development hiccups this time around. Sprinting and running around is also fun to do and can lead to some tense moments when you're escaping an enemy.

-The game rewards exploration of its areas with the various rewards it hands out, like Audrey's upgrades or Gent's various contraptions and bits and bobs that simply lay about in the Studio with how useful they can be for the Gent Pipe upgrades. The same goes for exploring and finding the coins necessary to be able to heal yourself and buy coffee/food.

-The game's areas can be very diverse and even beautiful at times. The world itself is very well-crafted, and the fact that it loops on itself with the metro system and the areas being interconnected was a delight to experience, especially the connection between Wilson's manor and its northern and southern wings. I was delighted to find out I had re-entered the mansion through the closed doors I couldn't open when I first entered. The level design was definitely a highlight at points.

-BATDR is absolutely magnificent with friends. For context, I played this game from start to finish with my siblings on hard mode, and it can be a hilarious, tense, and sometimes terrifying journey. Discussing theories together or trying to beat a difficult part or ranting about a boss or two was never more fun than with friends, and I don't know if this is just me, but I felt that I enjoyed playing BATDR with my siblings a bit more than BATIM, probably thanks to the better controls not frustrating them.

So, for me, those were the very, very solid and good parts that this game provided, alongside the notably fewer amount of bugs compared to BATIM, of course. Those really helped me enjoy my journey throughout it a lot more, although that doesn't mean I enjoyed everything, unfortunately. Despite that fact that the bad parts should've been overshadowed by the good ones, I felt they always stuck out like a sore thumb whenever they were there, and one of the MOST prominent ones to me was:

-The dialogue. I often don't like disparaging game dialogue, but the dialogue throughout much of the game was rather painful to listen to. While the audio-logs were as good as they had been in BATIM, the dialogue between characters was especially jarring. From the very first piece of dialogue between Audrey and Alison, I found that the way the dialogue flowed was rigid. The introductions were awkward, and they lacked crucial information from both sides, instead going for vague descriptions like "he likes to smile...and he kills everything that moves!", which...almost breaks the immersion that the game tries building so very hard.

My biggest issue is that this is not limited to a specific section; the dialogue's tone shifts wildly in the same scenes, the phrasing and the words themselves don't fit, and rarely is important information conveyed through the dialogue. I found myself involuntarily laughing at parts that were meant to be serious due to how they were phrased, and I cannot blame the voice actors, as their work was very well-done, especially the Joey and Wilson actors, and although their dialogue was some of the best in the game, it was still awkward at points, perhaps due to the fact that none of the characters, Audrey excluded, had too much screen-time, which meant that they needed to convey as much information as possible and also play a role in the game's plot in their limited time, hence needing compact dialogue that fit everything at once in a short period of time. Speaking of which...

-There were too many characters for the game's length. I have heard that BATDR had some development trouble, so I understand that they had to make-do with some of the parts they had already, but the focus on Gent Corp. was, while very interesting at points, ultimately harmful as there was no payoff save for the teaser after the ending, seeing how the game revolved around Wilson and he rarely mentioned them except in a few parts, and for the most part, they had no relation to Wilson; instead, most references to them mentioned how they worked with Joey during the last days of the studio, which, for a game focusing on Audrey and Wilson, doesn't really make them the focal point of the game, so I don't understand why they got so much attention.

But there were also so many characters in the audio-logs that appeared for a single time and then disappeared forever. I get that they were meant to worldbuild with Gent, but when Gent themselves didn't play a major role in Wilson's story, it only helped split the game's narrative focus, at least in my eyes, especially seeing how very few logs talked about Wilson, and those were mostly by Wilson himself.

I know this is also present in BATIM, however, I felt that a good portion of the characters in audio-logs were very much related to Joey and the Studio, and we also had recurring characters, which helped build their stories without seeing them, like with Norman, Sammy, etcetra... Something that's not really repeated in BATDR, with the notable exception of Wilson.

-Speaking of Wilson, his role was very...meh. Everyone and their mother predicted he would be the villain, but what really, really disappointed me was how they treated his double-turn as a surprise. I thought that they were going to subvert expectations and have an ending where we side with Wilson and another one where we don't, but the fact that they treated his face-heel 'reveal' to be a big surprise was a letdown because it was really foreseeable. They had so much potential with him, and yet we know so little about him since, unlike Joey in BATIM, Wilson rarely has anyone else talk about him, whether in audio-logs or notes.

His motives were also hilariously absurd, though not in an especially good way. I remember that my siblings and I burst into laughter when his motives to rule the ink-realm was that his father didn't support him, and you know what? Sure, that CAN be a valid motive with enough backstory, but the thing is that there's no buildup. There's no anticipation or hinting at Wilson's relationship with his father. It is daddy issues at the most basic of levels and it's revealed during his face-heel reveal, and it's also not exactly the sort of mistreatment that makes someone subjugate a realm and kill (ink)people. Overall, Wilson had a lot of potential...it's just a shame barely any of it was used.

-Speaking of issues with the narrative, the story felt all over the place at times. Alison appeared at the start of the story, disappeared, and then talked to us after the first boss, but then she went away again and appeared to kill Alice, which was a cool moment, don't get me wrong, I just wasn't attached enough to her to appreciate the parallels to her saving Henry BATIM, seeing how she virtually has no screen-time.

Speaking of whom, Alice?! What was she doing there? How did she appear all of a sudden? Why was she there? How did Wilson not notice or neutralise her? How did she get into Wilson's manor? Why was she free but everyone from Henry's loops in BATIM caged? Her appearance was so sudden, and although I did really enjoy her return since her voice-acting and fight were fun, I just didn't enjoy how, thematically, it didn't make a lot of sense to just include her for no reason at all when it also didn't carry as much emotion and meaning to it like it did with Henry in BATIM, seeing how we dealt with her over the course of multiple Chapters.

This is actually one of the things that irked me most with the narrative; the game didn't seem to know what to do with the old characters. At first, I thought that with Alison appearing so soon, that we were going to meet the original BATIM crew and try and team-up with them against Wilson, but when she disappeared, I thought we were going to focus on the new characters, but then we met Henry and the old crew in the Cycle Breakers room and I believed they would play an important role in the fifth Chapter, but again, we only spoke with Henry once and then saw him again at the end of the game, which, I must admit, was quite cool in the heat of the moment as Beast Bendy, it was just underwhelming to think "Wait, that's all?" after the credits started rolling.

This hits especially true with the example of Sammy, who was hinted at throughout the entire game and across multiple Chapters, only to be shot at the end and die in a scene where most would've missed him. I wasn't his biggest fan myself, but I know how much a lot of people like him, and so treating him like this was a bit unkind to his fans, I feel. He could've been entirely absent from the game and nothing would've changed.

-Speaking on one, final note about the narrative, it felt as if there were a lot of unneeded and unnecessary gameplay decisions that broke the cohesion and flow of the story and caused a lot of frustration...At least for me. This is most apparent in the parts where you needed to back-track to earlier areas, especially the one part where you needed to return to the very first area of the game to get the heart you needed to feed to big ink monster, though it wasn't the only part where you needed to backtrack. There were also side-stories with the Lost Ones that interrupted otherwise grandiose and important moments, like the entry to the Cycle Breakers room being interrupted by a Lost One. While her quest was very sweet, I didn't really feel a sense of satisfaction when I finally found her as much as I went 'Finally!'.

-On the gameplay front, I almost felt like there were too many Lost Ones. I lost track of how many times I died to them, regardless of how many I killed, or how many times I encountered Demon Bendy, which lowered the value of their jumpscares. It was also annoying, in fact, the constantly worry about Bendy's incursions and saving every five seconds to make sure I lost no progress, something I felt was unnecessary with how often he popped up...However, this could also be entirely due to the fact that I was playing on Hard mode, so I will not hold this point against the game.

-And lastly, somehow, I don't feel as if there were that many tracks that stood out to me in the OST...Although that in particular can be my rose-tinted glasses remembering BATIM's soundtrack more fondly that it actually was.

So those were my thoughts about Bendy And The Dark Revival! Admittedly, while it can seem as if I had a lot of negative things to say about the game, that's mostly because I care a lot about the story in games like these, and I felt it wasn't really as gripping as I had hoped, even though there were plenty of things that made it a good game, it's just that standing up from BATIM's shadow was never going to be easy, and there were a few missteps, in my opinion.

Still, the game was quite fun to play through, and I have to give it either a 6.5 or a solid 7 out of 10 for me. It's worth trying for sure, though I'd temper my expectations going in.

#bendy and the dark revival spoilers #BATDR #batdr #batdr wilson #BATIM #(in a way) #batdr spoilers #review thingy #Sorry if this isn't my usual style of posts #I just thought I'd try it and see what everyone thinks #Do you agree or disagree? Share your thoughts! I'm eager to hear them! #This game is great for making me laugh with my siblings whenever we banished a Lost One while yelling 'CONSUUUUUME' #Seriously play this with a friend or a sibling you won't regret it

[winterandwords]

✨HIATUS✨

So the internet break while I finish this draft became an internet break while I rest this draft became "Holy fuck, I did not realise how much I needed a longer internet break until it happened by itself" and here I am.

I've tried to Do Internets a little bit over the last couple of weeks and honestly it's felt horrible. Thing is, I'm not terminally online or anything. I do writing prompt tag things on Twitter. I'm more active here on Tumblr. But I'm not constantly staring at a screen and I don't have any negative stuff going on because I curate my online experience very carefully and consciously.

I think it's maybe less that I need to be away from the internet and more that I need to focus my time and energy on other things and that time and energy, energy especially, is limited. I need to give a shit about my stupid health. I need to be kinder to my body. I need to let my mind unwind. I need to process and nest and let go and recalibrate and for a while I need to just not.

It's only been a couple of weeks since I finished the most recent draft of Project Frequency and I'm 50% twitching about being away from it and 50% aware that it makes sense to let it sit for way longer than this so I can come back to it with fresh eyes and no stressy vibes. I'm not good at taking breaks. I'm not good at resting. I'm excellent at constantly pushing myself beyond my limits and burning out. I don't want to keep doing that.

I updated my website the other day to include the words "writing is not my job" and that felt like a huge step forward. Acknowledging that this is something I enjoy, something I love, something I'm obsessed with, something that I make a little bit of money from (which is great) but also something that I have no intention of trying to turn into a job or a career felt huge.

Approaching anything as a job or a business isn't an option because of health stuff (I'm not being cagey about 'health stuff', but it's complex and it's not something I want or need to go into detail about here), but also I just don't want writing to be a job. I don't want to pursue traditional publishing and never have. I don't want to be part of the mainstream self-publishing machine. And that's OK. Not wanting to turn writing into a job doesn't mean I'm wasting my time doing it.

I know this post is long and disjointed. Here's a cookie for you if you're still here 🍪

The reason I mentioned not wanting writing to be a job is that accepting that, being open about it, has shown me that it's OK to take breaks from it and not know how long that break is going to be. I can't see myself wanting to be away from my WIP or writing in general for any serious length of time, but I need to be away from it right now. And I need to be away from the internet. And it's all good.

I might check in here, but I'm not likely to do any tags or other interacty things for a while. I'll post something when I'm back properly. I'm definitely coming back. This isn't me inching my way out the door. This is just me breathing.

💜

#the shit in my head

[mothheart]

Moth! B) For the ask meme: orchid and sage?

!!!!! Hello !! :) Always good to see you around ! (I'm going to throw this all under a readmore so I don't clog the dash)

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

Okay i was almost going to say this would be very difficult to answer but actually I thought of this in particular- So! With botw, in itself it was/is a huge thing for me- it was genuinely life changing when I saw the switch presentation trailer with the music they used for it. I still get chills from it. :") Botw came out during what I consider the darkest/roughest period of my life and there pretty much just aren't. Any great memories from those years for me. But! Botw coming out and playing it for the first time stands out as one of the very few good memories. It's very important to me. It was also very mind blowing at the time, since I hadn't gotten to have many experiences of playing video games, what with only having very outdated consoles. So it was my first open world game! And even after playing other open world games I realize how /big/ it really is. It was just a great experience and so it really stands out as being one of the most perfect songs/music for me. :) the music they used for the final totk trailer was incredible too!!! But I will spare everyone the continued rambling lol 😭

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

Okay I'm not sure if this really counts, but my immediate answer is video games- like, no question. I'm incredibly passionate about this in particular, because I feel like video games have incredible potential to move you in a way that no other one kind of media or art can.

Like, you're going in and having the experience firsthand- whatever kind of game it is, you actively participate in it, like! I just think having a hands on experience for any kind of story adds to the impact it has, which I've felt even stronger after being able to play games that I previously only was able to watch letsplays of. It's like a little bit of everything, you know? Art, animation, story, music. And I talk about this maybe a little too much, but- I especially appreciate soundtracks in video games. I think a soundtrack is often a big factor in what makes or breaks a game. :')

But, if I had to choose something else- its between writing and music for me. :) With writing I find myself genuinely enjoying being able to express myself in my own way through my stories or my characters. It's especially fun writing strong emotions (more heavy/sad ones, in particular.)

And music is just fun! Noise make brain go brrr. Even more when it's a song that sounds nice and has lyrics that hit a little too close to home 🫠

#thank you for the ask!! :] #miles rambles

[stardustedknuckles]

One of the nice things about rewatching c2 (and one of the things I hoped for when I decided to do it) is finding that grasp I had on Beau before she and Yasha got together. Because I have spent so much time reveling in their growth that I have forgotten the qualities that informed all the fics I did before then - and they were and are my favorites. I personally felt on some level like Yasha and Beau would not have settled perfectly into things with their issues fully solved, and while I love to bask in the joy that canon gave us with how they did come together, I don’t feel like there was enough room for a more realistic exploration of what it means to feel safe after years of the opposite. Like, both of them have coping mechanisms that have served them for years and even with conscious effort you don’t just get rid of those once you feel safe. In fact, in my experience, safety itself can often trigger a lot of old behaviors if you literally are unused to it. Like if you aren’t constantly watching out for yourself your brain thinks something is wrong and it needs to be even more defensive and if you aren’t on the lookout for it it’ll mess you up.

Just thinking about how Beau required being beaten to near-unconsciousness to ever acknowledge that she wanted to be touched or to seek it out, how her association with touch as a concept is linked to her feeling of vulnerability and it’s a great thing that she wants to give that vulnerability to Yasha but I personally built my entire engagement with fandom on the push-pull of emotional constipation and being a bit of a fucked-up mess doing her best. It’s just nice, as I go through the rewatch, to be able to pick back up on all of that. Beau’s sense of feeling unsafe never had anything to do with Yasha - it wasn’t personal, it just kept her alive for a long time and there’s more value to me in playing out those insecurities and efforts (she’s bad at it, stumbling, but trying) than staying solely in the place where everything is great.

I do feel like Yasha had a more explicit and natural growth that we were able to see go further than Beau’s. We watched Beau grow enough to want to heal, finally, to set down all of that mistrust and open up, but we actually saw a lot of Yasha’s healing. I don’t think it’s unbalanced for her to be ahead of Beau, I think she knows Beau and what she’s asking for and getting into and that probably terrifies Beau as much as it delights her.

I’m just rambling at this point but I can’t wait to get my hands back inside of fics that lean on the very real issues the both of them face in the wake of the chantry and Kamordah and, eventually, beyond. I miss the bend before the break, the part of the story where we knew their feelings for each other and they knew their own feelings but not the other’s, where every interaction is layered with wanting something neither of them are even sure how to let themselves have or how to ask for it, especially since asking for it necessitates a kind of vulnerability they wouldn’t ask the other to show even if they could get past their own. I like characters with problems. It’s nice to be back in canon where I can see them because fanon has the overwhelming tendency, well-meaning, to scrub them out in favor of domestic bliss. And that bliss is beautiful and hard-fought, but it is also very, very secondary to what drew me to Beau and Yasha in the first place: someone who is unused to the freedom to choose, unsure how to even want, and someone who has only known want and fought tooth and nail for the power to choose what happens to her her entire life. Yasha learns to want and Beau is in many ways her blueprint. Beau gives up the little bit of control necessary to admit to herself that Yasha has gotten to her badly. And then they find a way to meet in the middle speaking the other’s language and ugh - they kill me. I love them so much.

#cr c2 #c2 rewatch

[zangyo]

@tenkoseiensei said (inbox):

ah-ah. how did this happen? nanami pinned and trapped by a putrid curse, a hard thorn-appendage hovering over the space of his human beating heart, the man's strong back held helpless against a wall. it would have been easy to finish the sorcerer off here and now, yet footsteps' approach makes the malefactor's head turn, a gasp of recognition escaping it in an instant.

' --- you! '

yan qing, steadily approaching.

' the one who told me how to ambush him! look, it all went exactly like you said! all that's left is to finish him off! let's do it, let's do it, let's do it together! ' there's no shortage of thrill or excitement in the giddy curse's behavior, yan qing's expression comparatively listless and foreboding as he grimly steps closer and closer.

' don't do anything,' he calmly warns--- as his voice and physique changes to match the trapped sorcerer's before him. ' not just yet. i was the one that plotted it out, so i should be the one who gets to kill him. unless you want to die first? '

the impression that follows is one of animals squabbling over a large piece of meat, at least until the curse's head, mid-disagreement-and-dissuasion, finds itself severed and flying by the clean cut of a single hand. the rest of its limbs too burst into flash-annihilated pieces, until exorcised, there was nothing left but sorcerer and doppelganger sorcerer.

fast to return to himself, flicking the lingering sensation of detritus on his hand, yan qing looks plaintively up at the other, hesitant to speak.

' ... nanami? you're alright, right? ' a complete and total shift in demeanor. surely the other had figured out his ploys and lies by now? he frowns. ' i'm sorry. i didn't want to do it. the last thing i wanted to do was put your life in danger, especially without telling you. but that curse just now was a real piece of work. i couldn't think of any way for us to get a good shot without earning its trust a little, and there wasn't enough time for anything else. ' even if it was exhausting have to play the villain.

' that guy too , had said ... that only humans betrayed one another. it'd never trust a human, but since i was another curse --- ' briefly, yan qing falls silent. ' ... well, in any case, i'm tired. and you must be even more so, after an experience like that. what matters is we can go home now, right? '

     IT WAS SHAMEFUL THAT he was caught in a situation like this. How meticulously he had kept track of this curse. How meticulously he had studied and prepared, and yet that didn’t matter in the heat of combat. Didn’t matter when one’s life was on the line and they were pressed against a corner. Curses fought their hardest when they felt they were going to be destroyed, but was that not the same for everything? He hadn’t realized their ferocity would pick up to greater heights, and that was a fault of his own. Nanami had underestimated his enemy by assuming victory before the battle was over. The putrid scent of this curse filled his nose; it’s gigantic hand crushing him against the wall and cutting off air flow as it watched him with the same cold fascination a cat would have with a small rodent caught between its paws. He just…needed to gather his cursed energy. Just a bit more, and---

     The Curse’s voice brought him back to the moment, weary eyes turning to glance in the direction of that approaching figure. Yan Qing? What were they doing here? And what was this Curse going on about? During the distraction, its hold on him had relaxed, however. Nanami was able to attempt to regain his breath, careful not to take in too much at one time despite how his body desperately wanted him to. Thoughts towards his survival kicked in once more, Nanami’s hands balling into fists as he prepared to throw his all into tearing off the other’s wrist and creating an opening to grab his discarded weapon once more to finish the deed. However…he paused, gaze, instead, glued on Yan Qing’s figure. The two scabbled over him, although not once did he ponder that his comrade had betrayed him.

     They wouldn’t.

     Nanami was not someone to blindly trust another, especially in this line of work. He just knew that Yan Qing was plotting as well. As soon as they turned into him, a small hint of relief ran through him. The other curse was not aware of what was about to transpire, their greed and hunger outweighting any thought…right before they were exorcised with such a quickness, that one would almost think that they had imagined the entire interaction. Falling onto his knees, he lifted his hand to wipe away the sweat that had collected on his brow, lens pulled from his head soon after. Weapon collected, he pushed himself back up, a little unsteady, but overall not too worse for wear. ❝I’m fine,❞ he replied calmly, not the least bit shaken as green eyes shifted to linger upon Yan Qing’s form. They no longer looked like him, their usual appearance back in place…and just as he had surmised from looking into their own eyes, it had been a ruse all along.

     ❝No, no, you don’t need to explain. The moment I saw you approach, I knew that you had an idea in mind. Still…I was not aware that you had been watching me for that long.❞ Or following him at all, really. ❝I do admit that what surprised me the most was how you were able to patiently stand by until the right moment…though if you had taken any longer…❞ Nanami saw no reason to continue that sentence. Things, had, after all, looked rather bleak for a moment. Quiet at the mention of only humans betraying one another, a question had come to mind: ‘How do you feel?’ Did that curse’s words affect them at all? Even a little? His mouth opened to ask that question, to dig into Yan Qing’s psyche…but he stopped himself. Later. He would ask later. ❝Yes…let us head back. I need to wash this…stench…off.❞ Stepping closer and snapping his blade back onto its holster on his back, he reached out and placed his hand upon the other’s shoulder as he made his way by.

#tenkoseiensei #;v: purify the impure #answered #;;inbox #;post: beta

[elliepassmore]

Twin Crowns review

4.5/5 stars Recommended if you like: dual POVs, twins, magic, fantasy, separated at birth, witches, courtly intrigue The main settings we get in the book are the palace and the beach area where the witches make their home. The beach area was definitely a more interesting setting since it was surrounded by high cliffs and a rocky cove, perfect for hiding out and not being found. The witches are seemingly self-sufficient, and we do get a peek at that from Rose's POV. The history of Ea is certainly complicated, with layers upon layers. The royal side of things says that the witches corrupted the land and their ancestors defeated them and were able to right things. The witches say that the royals came as conquerors and slaughtered their people. There was definitely a war, and while I'm certainly more inclined to side with the witches on this one, even their whole history isn't out in the open. I do think that the history itself and what it's building up towards is fine without a prophecy also being involved (especially since I'm sure everything will work out in the end). I definitely liked Wren more than Rose. Wren's got a solid idea of life and what she wants out of it, and she's got the confidence to boot. While she's not necessarily the 'good guy,' she also doesn't really stray into 'morally gray' or 'antihero' territory either. She is willing to lie, manipulate, and murder to get what she wants, but that latter one is more of a last resort. I enjoyed her tenacity, and the love she feels for her friends and grandmother is genuine. While I did find her attempts at being Rose funny, the little she knew about her twin's personality honestly seemed like a gap in the plan. How, exactly, are you supposed to take over someone's life when you don't even know their daily habits? Rose was...annoying for a lot of the book. She was kidnapped, which is understandably a jarring experience, but so much of her initial reactions focused on someone else saving her. Like, girl...you can enjoy dresses and tea parties and still save yourself. She did get a bit of a kick to her later on, but it was frustrating how little she seemed to understand about things and just how much she was manipulated by her advisor/guardian. Part of my problem too is that Rose has the skills to get stuff done (i.e., diplomacy and political savviness) but is so convinced that as long as she asks for something it'll happen, she doesn't use them.I did think she came around in the last third of the book and enjoyed her once she got around to saving herself and being an actor in her own life. Shen was probably my favorite side character. He's a warrior witch and Rose's best friend, and it's clear he cares for her. I liked how soft he was, and he didn't play the 'tough, scary' card just because he was a warrior witch. He also had some pretty good lines. Tor, the guard of Rose's betrothed, wasn't bad either, and it was clear he found Wren amusing despite his best efforts. While the romance between him and Wren was well written (better than Rose's with Shen, imo), it was all very insta-lovey, and I had a hard time figuring out what, exactly, prompted this guard to suddenly do things that went against his kingdom's interests. His wolf was cute though. Banba, the twins' grandmother, is not particularly a character I cared for. Wren certainly seems to, but she doesn't really treat Rose well, and from what Wren thinks/remembers about her, it doesn't really seem like she treats Wren all that much better. Considering how this book ended though, I don't think we'll be dealing with Banba and her actions in any meaningful way in the second book. Overall this was a good book. The history of Ea was clearly thoroughly thought out, and I liked that we could see different sides of it. Several of the characters felt very flighty and vapid though, which made me disinclined to like them.

#twin crowns #book #booksbooksbooks #books #books and reading #bookstagram #bookaddict #booklr #bookblr #bookish #bookaholic #book recommendations #book review #separated at birth #fantasy #magic #witches #dual pov #ya fantasy #ya fiction

[one-systems-journey]

16th June 2022

Therapy

Today began with a bit of difficulty. It was the first day back face to face after my psych had covid. I’m glad that in the past we had spoken about how difficult it is for us to feel settled coming into the room. Some days it’s hard for us to trust her, even after all these years. This is usually exasperated by breaks. It’s like parts forget that it’s safe. So, we stopped & took some time just to talk about our dogs & a little about cats. It helps just to settle the system & makes it easier to do the work. It’s not always feasible because of time constraints of therapy, but I really do find this helps our system. We would recommend it if you ever have days where you walk in & feel anxious or a resistance to working with your therapist. It’s better than pushing through & wasting the whole time with parts who can’t participate because they don’t feel safe.

We settled on some resourcing work. I’m not 100% sure of the purpose, but I believe it has to do with building compassion for parts & our younger self. Especially given we have so much developmental trauma that expresses itself as guilt & shame.

The process involved imagining an image of ourself as a child. For us, we had to look at a picture of ourself to get an idea in our mind, when we previously tried this exercise a long time ago. Now I can pull up that image more easily.

So, we imagined ourself & did eye movements. Between sets of eye movements our psych asked us about how I was feeling towards the child & how the child was feeling. It stirred up a lot of commentary from the system. There was resistance to thinking about what she felt. This conflict between ‘nothing happened so she feels fine, she’s happy, she looks happy’ & others who know different. We don’t know what the girl in that imagine remembers, maybe that girl doesn’t know what happened. Maybe we were switched to someone who doesn’t know about the trauma, at the time of the little girl we were imagining. If that makes sense. We know we lost other trauma memories incredibly quickly, so why would this time be any different?

After going back & forth & discussing things as they came up. We reached our limit. We started to dissociate too much & did grounding work. We always try to tell our psych about the experience outside of the questions she asks. It’s important for us to express what was happening in the system, for parts to feel heard. I appreciate that she lets us explain that when we are suppose to be grounding & moving away from the hard stuff.

Something we did gain from that process was a sense of protectiveness toward the little girl. There was a strong sense of not wanting the little girl to know about our trauma. To protect her from it. I know in some ways, we can’t. She endured it already. But maybe if she doesn’t remember, we can still keep her safe. We don’t want her to remember. We don’t want her to hurt.

A few things I think I’d like to share about this is;

It took a few sets of eye movements to get any movement with this image. It was beginning to seem like it wouldn’t work. There was a block coming from someone but it actually did move forward after a few tries. I think once we became comfortable enough to be honest about the weird thought parts kept pushing to the front of our brain, they opened up to thinking about other things. I’ve found that a few times, if something come up, no matter how unrelated it seems, just mention it. Even if it’s just littles wanting to say something completely off topic. It can make a difference to get that out of the way.

When we tried to this exercise in the past, I think we had more negative feelings towards the little girl. Or parts were quite ‘stand off-ish’ about doing the exercise. But it’s actually been at least a year, maybe a year & a half, since we did this last time. It is something you can revisit & see if you have more luck. Parts come & go from the front, they change their opinions as you work more & can become more open to thing. They can feel safer stepping out & trying something. If it’s not the right time, it’s okay. Please express that.

We also struggled to pull up an image. The photo thing isn’t considered ideal, because it’s not as much of a ‘living person’ as someone you bring up in your mind. But I found when there was a little bit of life & movement to the photo I was picturing, it did start to move forward. The photo can be a starting point if you can’t pull up an image of you/the body as a child.

I hope these insights into my experience of therapy can help someone out there. It’s scary & overwhelming. It’s hard to know how any of this will ever help. Is the pain therapy causes, worth it in the long run? I don’t have answers to that yet. But come on this journey with me & we’ll find out. I hope this makes you feel less alone, at the very least. This is a side blog, so I’ll always try to post in at least a neutral light, if not a hopeful one. Despite how hard it is, I don’t want this to be a discouraging place for anyone.

#DID #dissociative identity disorder #OSDD #otherwise specified dissociative disorder #osddid #udd #unspecified dissociative disorder #structural dissociation #EMDR #eye movement desensitisation and resprocessing #cPTSD #complex ptsd #complex post traumatic stress disorder #trauma therapy #therapy #16.06.22 #16 June 22 #16/6/22

[thegrazingblacksheep]

Road Trip to Isle of Skye – Day 5 of 6

And we reached our last full day in the lovely Isle of Skye. I can't believe how time passes so slow until having a week off; and then the holiday week itself is just going so fast... We blink, and poof! Work, duties, boring stuff again. I tell you, it is not fair, what so ever.

First we had a little walk around Portree to get some gifts for colleagues and family. We were after nothing fancy, especially for colleagues who usually act like inksinkerators when it comes to anything edible. They will get fudge. Will be okay. Everyone need carbs, really...

Our weather was okayish in Portree, but later I promised myself that if we plan any trips after this, that will be in a WARM place somewhere a little bit closer to the Equator. Particularly a road trip in Italy I mean. Or Hawaii. Or simply, Hell. Hell must be good anyway, because there are lot of friends, music seems nice, and the climate, yeah...

The Fairy Pools

The parking actually changed since our last visit. There was a nicely surfaced proper little car park built, and guess what! Toilets! I was impressed that in this end of the world finally someone thought about tourists' basic dignity.

The wind was unbearable as we were walking along the waters. It was that kind of annoying wind which gets you from one side only, making you completely deaf to one ear, and also stroking your eyeball on the same side so you will look like a rabbit after 10 minutes. No darlings, no. I was wearing proper wind and waterproof clothing, but even still - I had to breath / see somewhere!?

Walking back to the car park turned out that the toilet was closed for now... No comment.

Sheep are not religious

Moo?

We knew that we will find some lovely highland cattle along the road to Elgol. We were waiting for this moment so much! Last time they were grazing 20-30 meters from the road, and Mr. could take a quite nice portrait of one of them.

This time the group was almost in the same spot, except one big cow was standing on the road, and looked a bit concerned when it saw us stopping with the car. These animals are not smol. I mean they are HUGE. Okay, a regular cow is not small either, but have you seen those horns that the highland coos are wearing? 

This big boy was even started mooing, and slowly approaching. We really didn't want any trouble or scare them, or make them feel threatened or something, so we decided to not to park long and rather leave. They are beautiful, beautiful and beautiful. Look!

Elgol

When we first visited Elgol, we took the trip to Skye from Cardiff with a normal Ford Fiesta, which was doing such an excellent job, no complaints. But there were some descents here and there which looked a bit hairy sometimes, and maybe we would have felt better in a 4x4. And the time had come, because now we had one. And this time we were standing like John Travolta in that meme, waiting for any hairy situations, and no! Nothing! Niente! Amazing little things are these.

And I think those sheep we couldn't find at the church, were grazing around here instead.

Traditional Scottish sushi for dinner

After a windy, cold day you want a warm place and hot food. We were both quite hungry when arrived back at Portree, and to continue our food experiments, choosing one from the 5 options; we were going for Tomita Sushi.

I didn't expect such a screaming colourful and eclectic interior. Vibrant colours, patterns, cheerful and strange ornaments everywhere, we found it funny and nice. But it was around 15 degrees inside. Metal chairs everywhere, windows open, I'm pretty sure that the food would have gone cold in 2 minutes if we chose to stay, but we asked the superkind lady if we can go with take away instead. 

Their menu is a bit pricey, but man... The quality is simply amazing. I really recommend it to everyone to try, because both the chicken bento and tofu teriyaki were really tasty, and they give quite a nice amount.

After dinner, unfortunately it was time to pack and do some tidying in the bnb. Next day we need to set off early if we want to see Hadrian's Wall before sunset, because that is the plan.

#blogger #brook #church #sheep #fairy pools #clear #cold #coo #scottish moo #moo #scottish cattle #scottish cow #cow #animal #fudge #sunset #winter #water #wind #travel blogger #travel #adventure #hills #scotland #scottish #isle of skye #elgol