#but its TAIL was a fucking NIGHTMARE to learn
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I said I would draw V, here is the blorbo @schzunabe
#tuna art#others ocs#Madness Combat#I think#if i remember correctly they are a madness combat oc#anyways#uhm#i loved draw them#V is so epic and cool#but its TAIL was a fucking NIGHTMARE to learn#i cant draw tails#thats my excuse#also i didnt feel like doing a full render#or a background#my head is empty rn#its almost 12am and i have school in the morning </3
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Purple's fic master list
Cow Eyes Buddie | 2.2K | G
Buck gets the call on a Saturday.
He’s sat at the kitchen table, delving into some strange corner of the internet where he’s apparently discovered that seahorses hold each others' tails when they swim and that cows have best friends and that Eddie’s big brown gorgeous eyes remind him of cow eyes and maybe if they were cows then they’d still be best friends— And then he gets the call. His phone starts ringing just as he’s learning about polar bears giving each other nose boops. He reaches out and grabs the phone off the counter, still so lost in his deep dive that he doesn’t even check the number that’s calling.
“Hello?”
“Is this Evan Buckley?” A professional-sounding woman answers. It’s then that Buck promptly forgets whatever facts he just learnt and instead feels a familiar ache creeping its way into his chest.
“That’s, uh— that’s me,” he manages to get out.
“You’re listed as Eddie Diaz’ emergency contact, is that right?”
(Or the 'Eddie's in hospital and Buck tries not to break down' fic except its actually just a cute silly little fic)
Tripped and Fell Buddie | E | 5.8K | PWP
“Buck?” Comes Eddie’s voice from the hall.
Oh fuck.
Buck really should have paid attention to the clock. Before Buck can think about how to get himself out of this one, Eddie appears in the doorway. Buck sees his eyes darken and the way he clenches his jaw.
“Buck.” Eddie’s voice is so neutral and controlled. Oh, Buck has royally fucked up.
“I— um.” Buck swallows, his mouth awfully dry as he tries to come up with some explanation for his insubordination. He could say it was an accident. He, uh, tripped? He can see Eddie already tenting in his trousers, so he can’t be in too much trouble, right?
“Did I say to stop?” Eddie questions.
(Or the boys get a new dildo, and Buck can't wait to use it, literally. Eddie comes home and deals with his misbehaviour.)
running from myself (and the memories of you) Buddie | 12K | T
He wants to tell Eddie everything, he wants to tell him that he’s struggling, that he can’t sleep without being plagued with nightmare after nightmare. He wants to tell him that the worst ones are when Eddie’s lying on the road reaching out towards him and he’s just stuck watching, when he can taste Eddie’s blood on his tongue, feel it splattered across his face. He wants to tell him that when he wakes up the blood is still there, so he throws up in the toilet until the taste of copper is forced out of his mouth and he washes his face 10 times until he’s sure there’s not a drop of blood left.
He just wants to tell him a random fact that he found out at 3 am when he went down the rabbit hole starting with the world's tallest skyscrapers and ending with the knowledge that most elevator close door buttons don’t actually work. But now he looks at Eddie and he just can’t help but think that he’s being a burden, that Eddie got shot and shouldn’t have to deal with him too.
So instead, he runs.
(Or Buck has years of unresolved trauma and can't sleep, so he tries to literally outrun his demons instead. Luckily Eddie is there to pick up the pieces when he finally breaks.)
I'll Take Care of You Buddie | 5.1K | T
Eddie squints up at him, looking him up and down. “Are you okay? Is your leg okay?” Eddie always did see right through him.
Dejected, Buck slumps against the wall, letting a small sob leave his mouth before he palms at his eyes. He shakes his head. “‘S not good,” he practically whimpers.
(Or Buck has chronic pain after the bombing, Eddie takes care of him, and it's actually super sweet and sappy because these boys are hopelessly in love)
Pancakes, kisses, and a little bit of TLC Evan/Tommy | 4.5K | T
“Evan?” Tommy asks, his voice deep and gravelly. If it were any other day, Buck would find that incredibly attractive. Unfortunately, he isn’t able to enjoy it. Now that he’s aware of the pain in his leg, it only seems to get worse. His leg throbs; it feels like his bones are trying to bully their way out of his flesh. He clenches his eyes shut as he wills the wildfire that burns through his limb to calm down. “‘M fine,” he gets out through a clenched jaw. Tommy squints at him, tilting his head to the side. “Evan,” he repeats in a way that Buck knows means he doesn’t believe him for a second.
(or Buck wakes up with a chronic pain flare-up the morning after, and Tommy takes care of him)
Be My Valentine? Or Something? Buddie | 5.8K | G
What to write? Should he be cliche? Ask him to be his Valentine? Or should it be more personal, more intimate? Agh, this was harder than he thought. His sister would tell him to ‘speak from the heart’, whatever that means, so he picks up the pen and writes:
Eddie,
Your smile makes my heart beat a little faster,
and your eyes remind me of big cow eyes, but in like a good way.
Love, EB
P.S your hair is very floofy, pleaseee don’t cut it <3
There, he thinks, Eddie will know it was him without embarrassing anyone. Perfect.
(Spoiler alert: Eddie does not know it was from him)
(Or a High School Valentine's Day AU featuring our favourite boys being dorks and falling in love)
Because You're Exhausting 10K | M | Please read tags and warnings in the notes
Because every day after he woke up still in pain, and he couldn’t even tell his own family (because what if I can’t be a firefighter anymore? what if they don’t let me?). And then he’s hugging Eddie and they’re welcoming him home and maybe, just maybe, for a second he believes that it won’t be so bad.
Because then he was choking on his own blood staring into Bobby’s eyes thinking this is it, isn’t it? And then he woke up because damn, he always wakes up and somehow that’s always worse. And he wants to laugh at himself because how did he think, even for a moment, that anything would ever be ok?
Because then he was on blood thinners and they wouldn’t let him home, and he just wanted to go home (what if I can’t be a firefighter anymore?)
Because then the lawsuit happened and he just lost everything all over again.
Because
“You’re exhausting.”
(Or Buck's always been sad but it's post lawsuit, and Buck just can't handle it anymore)
you don't need to ask, i'll come running Buddie | 1.6K | G
Buck never thought he’d be afraid of thunder and lightning, he thought being scared was for kids and dogs startled by the loud noise. He didn’t think he could possibly be scared of a little rain. And he’s not. He’s not. Buck is not scared of thunder or lightning— okay maybe he can admit he’s a little bit scared of lightning. But Buck should definitely not be scared when he is sitting at home in the safety of his bed whilst the rain hammers down outside. He should not jump every time the sky crackles and lights up his loft. He shouldn’t be scared, but, quite frankly, he is.
(Or post-lightning strike Buck is at home during a storm, Chris thinks Buck needs a hug and Eddie thinks maybe a kiss or two, too.)
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I loooooooove your future 2012 AU of the boys. They all look so badass and cool but still them and its so GOOD. I wanna consume them.
I also had some questions if thats okay?
What happened to Leo's leg? Did his knee injury gradually get worse and he was like "lol im gonna cut it off" or did he get reinjured in that spot and that was basically the end of the entire leg?
Also how old are they in this AU? I know they are supposed to be adults but like in their 20s? I'm just wondering cause their character sheets dont have ages.
ALSO LEO BEING THE SHORTEST MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE. (Props to Mikey for finally gaining some height). And I LOVE Donnie's long ass bandana tails, he looks so cool but so dramatic with them its great. Anyway thank you for your time and this beautiful AU!
AIHDDJHDJD THANK YOU SO MUCH IM HAPPY THAT YOU ENJOY THE FUTURE 12 GREMLINS. as traumatised as they are, they’ve worked through it despite some really rough patches. they definitely still have their bad days and nightmares, but they’ve learned to grow together and help each other through those bad times. they’ve changed and grown in their own way ofc, but they needed to relive the teenage years that they’ve lost, that’s why they’re still somewhat themselves in my au :)
LEO’S LEG
it’s actually a mix of both! leo kept pressuring his knee and over the years it gradually became worse — since he kept pushing his knee beyond it’s limits it keeps getting re-injured. the final straw was him snapping his knee again (completely this time) during a nasty fight and had to chop it off. the phantom pains he gets from his missing limb is… horrible, to say the least.
(BUT THAT FIRST SCENARIO YOU MENTIONED WOULD BE SO FUNNY THOUGH. imagine leo waking up one day and going, “oh wow. this knee injury hurts really bad, maybe i should chop it off. lol im actually gonna do it.” cue him barging into donnies lab like “DONNIE. I DEMAND YOU CUT MY LEG OFF” “WHAT?!” “CUT MY LEG OFF IT HURTS” “OF COURSE IT HURTS WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KEEPS INSISTING THAT YOU SHOULD ‘TRAIN’ IT.” “yeah but i think my blood circulation isnt working look my leg is pale” “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK LEO” and boom. leg no more.)
AGES
they should be around their late 20s in this au, i hc that for every season of the show they age one year. so at the start they were like 15, and the show had 5 seasons (granted s5 was a bit messy and was full of aus and past flashbacks, but there was that demodragon arc and stuff) so they would be 20 at the end of the show. specifically they’re like 28 :) they are kinda old but hey at least they don’t have to pay taxes in the sewers…
HEIGHT PROBLEMS
oh god, when raph suddenly had a growth spurt it was horrible for leo. he was relentlessly being teased every single day and raph would NOT let off. and then when MIKEY hit being 1cm taller than leo, the teasing fucking doubled and he was downright miserable. they kept growing while leo was barely getting any height. he’s still their sensei though — and he makes them do extra training as punishment for the relentless teasing :) donnie doesn’t join in on the teasing (sometimes he does) but he does snicker when raph and mikey make jokes about leo’s height. it’s funnier for him because he’s been the tallest out of all of them since day one.
MORE ABOUT DONNIE
and yessss i loved designing donnie! since he was tall everything about his design had to compensate for his height so i figured long mask tails and a long lab coat would do the trick. his brothers were concerned over him tripping on his mask tails but he hasn’t, not even ONCE. he is one graceful, careful boy. he braids it or ties it into a bow whenever he does lab work so it doesn’t accidentally slip into one of his chemicals somehow. sometimes he lets mikey do it for him :)
thank you for the questions anon!!! these were super fun to answer and i hope it helped clarify a little more about the au :))
#tmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2k12#teenage mutant ninja turtles#2012 leo#2012 raph#2012 donnie#2012 mikey#leonardo tmnt#raphael tmnt#donatello tmnt#michelangelo tmnt#headcannons!!#future! 12 tmnt#future!au#blitz talks gibberish#asks
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hiiii, can you do Tim/masky as a father figure to emo/scene kid teenagers??? C:
Oh my god of course!! This is so wholesome, as an emo myself and former scene kid I approve of the Dad Tim/Masky agenda <3
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◇Masky/Tim Wright as a father figure to emo/scene teenagers◇
-He never thought of himself as the fatherly type considering all his addictions and his past with the Operator, but he found out that he WANTED to try his best to be a role model after meeting these kids.
-Actively doesn't abuse any substances around the kids as he doesn't wanna normalize it for them.
-He is so supportive. (Even if he can be a little aloof sometimes)
-Tim listens to some emo bands (I think he'd like Good Charlotte and Three Days Grace most) but overall never got super into the style side of the subculture.
-So he's completely facinated when the kids show up with racoon tail hair and gel spikes, hed seen kids back when he was a teenager with the style and is a little amazed kids are still dressing like that.
-If any other kids were bullying his kids he'd scare them, Tim's an intimidating man normally so him appearing behind them or yelling usually does the trick.
-Now if any adults decided to be dicks.....
-He wants to be a good influence and despises what the Operator made him do in the past so nothing TOO bad would happen but they'll certainly get a bit "roughed up".
-Gets the kids old 2000s magazines to go through so they can learn more about what the subculture was like at its peak.
-Tim would absolutely dig up all his old CDs for ANYTHING relevant and play them on car rides. He struggles sometimes when the nightmares or intrusive thoughts hit hard so sometimes a car ride with loud music and singibg teens is just what he needs.
-Road trips and stops by Gas station fast food places are a VERY common occurrence.
-Asks them to do his eyeliner (It becomes a regular occurrence since it hides his bags a bit and he pulls it off VERY well)
-Cannot dye hair, will offer to help if the kids are struggling but its a bad idea.
-Constantly reminds the kids to wear heat protectant when straightening their hair, will even buy them wigs if their hair is getting too damaged.
- "You can't dye your hair green if you have no hair left kid"
-Fucking despises shopping because of the crowds. He's been wearing the same old jackets for forever because "They work".
-Despite this he'll still try and come along for the kids, maybe stand a little suspiciously in a corner of the shop until they're all done.
-Takes the kids out to all the concerts in the area (mostly sneaks them in ngl hes not a bad influence but hes not the best one either)
-Likes how colorful scene clothing can be but does not get all the memes and subculture norms, dude doesn't have a social media.
-"What is XD and :3?"
-Asked if Invader Zim was a rat as a joke, this was followed up with all the kids and Tim binging all the episodes with the kids (he ended up enjoying it).
-The more time he spends with them, unknowingly he starts to see them as his own :)
#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FIRST ASK <333#I kept it a bit ambiguous as to whether theyre staying with him or have their own parents sinfe I wasnt sure but I hope you liked it!!#Ngl im so happy my first ask was so wholesome#creepypasta#marble hornets#creepypasta headcanons#masky marble hornets#masky#tim wright#masky headcanons#pinetrees-in-water:masky asks#pinetrees-in-water:tim wright asks
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Will the man become the monster, or the monster become man?
(steddie | explicit | 5k | cw: Beast!Steve, monsterfucker!Eddie, inspired by this Tumblr Post | AO3)
Happy Birthday, my favorite nickname giver and sister in Keery thirst, @judasofsuburbia 💜 This is super late, but I sincerely hope you'll enjoy this.
Find 5k of tender, loving monsterfucking under the read more, only for you 🥰
His lungs burn, screaming for precious air as Eddie runs as fast as his legs will carry him.
Twigs claw at his skin, the stinging pain a distant sensation, secondary to the wild crescendo of his beating heart. Behind him, he hears the snapping of branches, even louder than the roar in his ears, and the heavy footsteps of his pursuer. The ground beneath him trembles, telling of the shrinking distance between him and the beast that hunted him.
Above him, the merciless glow of the full moon illuminates the path before him. If you can call it that, it is not much more than a desire path created by the wild life that live in these woods. It winds through the dense trees, slowing him down as he has to duck and twist and jump if he doesn't want to trip or run into a tree trunk. It's like he can feel the body heat of the monster chasing him against his back, a stark contrast to the crisp autumn air, making his hair stand on end and his feet speed up.
There's a meadow somewhere ahead, and beyond it, the Maze Garden, which he knows like the back of his hand. If only he could make it...
He never stood a chance.
Just as he bursts through the trees and into the clearing, the beast pounces. It slams into him, throwing them both to the mossy ground at the edge of the meadow. It’s heavy, holding Eddie down with its weight and he feels its damp breath against the vulnerable skin of his neck.
The ground is soft enough to cushion their fall, but it still knocks what little air there is out of his lungs with a soft hiss. He feels more than he hears the rumble of the beast on top of him.
"Are you...laughing? That fucking hurt, you brute. My poor behind," Eddie grumbles, not really annoyed, but playing it up just so Steve can nuzzle against his cheeks and kiss his ear in apology.
The rumbling only increases, vibrating through Eddie's body. "I'm sorry, love, do you want me to kiss it better?" Steve asks, his voice so deep it sends shivers through Eddie's body. It resembles a low growl that does not hide his beastly nature, even when he speaks softly and playfully.
Eddie squirms under Steve's heavy body to free his arms. Cupping Steve’s face with his hand, Eddie gently pushes it away from where it's tucked into his neck to get a proper look at his husband. His fur is soft under Eddie's palm and Steve nuzzles his muzzle into the hand that holds him. His sharp canines peek out from between his dark lips, and even darker eyes look down at Eddie with love and hunger.
Steve looks like what nightmares are made of, and yet he's everything Eddie ever wanted, ever needed. To Eddie, Steve was the most beautiful thing that ever walked the earth. From the ivory-colored horns on top of his head, almost hidden in the lush mane of gold-brown fur, to his massive paws, adorned with their deadly claws that never touched Eddie with anything but gentle devotion, to his fluffy tail. And his frankly massive cock. Can't forget that.
For that, and Steve's equally massive and kind heart, is what ruined Eddie for everyone else.
Eddie never regretted telling Nancy, the witch who cursed Steve to live as a beast until he found his humanity by learning to love selflessly, that he did not want Steve to lose that side of himself completely. Eddie had fallen in love with both the beast and the man and didn't want to part with either. She had given him a knowing smile at his request and granted it with a soft kiss on his cheek.
Since then, every full moon, when the light of day has faded, man becomes a monster. Only to become human again with the first light that touches the earth.
Smiling up at the man who stole him first and then his heart, Eddie accepts the tender licks and nips on his lips, his jaw and down his sensitive neck. It's a heady feeling to have something as deadly as Steve's fangs so close to where his heart pumps life through his body. To know that Steve could kill him with a single move and not even break a sweat.
It fills him with as much warmth as thrill to know that Steve wouldn't. He'd rather kill himself than let anything, anyone, hurt Eddie.
Eddie knows this because he still wakes up shaking some days to the images of Steve lying on the ground, broken and bleeding, a knife sticking out of his chest. A knife aimed at Eddie because he dared to love a monster.
It was his love, Eddie's love, that saved Steve that day, effectively breaking the curse and giving Steve a second chance. Who would have thought that the town freak's life would turn into a fairy tale. But it did, with a prince and a castle and all. His mother had always told him that there was magic and goodness in the world, and that he would get to have both if he just stayed true to his heart. Eddie only wishes she could see that she was right.
Lost in his own thoughts, it takes Steve nipping at his collarbone with his sharp teeth, drawing a single drop of blood from where one of them pierced his skin, to bring Eddie out of his head and back to the mossy ground. "Am I boring you, angel? Or should I kiss you -" Steve rumbles over him as he leans back on his haunches to eye Eddie like his favorite dinner, "somewhere else?"
“I want to say yes, but I’m afraid Claudia will kill me if I ruin any more clothes. And by ‘I’ I mean you, and by ‘ruin’ I mean tearing them to shreds with your claws.”
It shouldn't be possible for a 7 foot tall furry beast with fangs and horns to pout, but that's exactly what Steve is doing. He gives Eddie his best puppy dog eyes and Eddie is so in love with him that he doesn't know how it hasn't killed him yet.
"Fine, don't look at me like that. You know, we could just try, I dunno, me getting undressed like a normal person. Just an idea."
Another laugh rumbles through Steve's huge body, so strong that Eddie feels it vibrating through his as well. Steve playfully licks a wide stripe across Eddie's cheek, and before Eddie can express the mock disgust on his tongue, Steve's growling voice in his ear sends an almost violent shudder through his body.
“We could, but where would be the fun in that?” As if to accentuate his words, Steve’s sharp claw follows an invisible path down Eddie’s chest, starting at his bopping Adam’s apple and veering to the left over his rapidly beating heart before placing his paw on the center of Eddie’s chest.
Steve’s dark eyes are looking into his own, a silent question in them. Eddie knows that he’s in charge of what they’re doing, always has been. Steve might be able to overpower him and take what he wants but that’s not what either of them is here for.
For Steve, it's Eddie's willingness to submit, to surrender to him, because Eddie wants to. Wants Steve. Needs him, even. It's Eddie's trust in him, Eddie's devotion, that makes Steve purr and writhe, out of his mind with lust and love.
For Eddie, it's the fact that Steve could take what he wants, sure, but doesn't. It's the thrill that comes with the proximity of a predator, the knowledge that Steve’s deadly claws and fangs could rip Eddie to shreds, not just his clothes. And yet all they ever did was caress Eddie, cherish him, claim him, please him.
It was never really a question for Eddie what his answer to Steve would be. He nods with a feral grin that matches Steve's answering one and silently apologizes to Claudia in his head before pushing all thoughts of their friends and staff out of his mind.
The next thing he knows, his shirt is hanging in tatters from his frame and Steve's rough tongue has made it its mission to taste every inch of his upper body, adding a hint of teeth here and there. It's astonishing how much control he has over them as they scrape across his hard nipples without breaking the skin, causing Eddie to moan brokenly.
The ground beneath him is still surprisingly warm from the sun that has been heating it all day, but with the cloudless, star-studded sky above them, the warmth of the day is long gone. Eddie's whole body shivers as the cold air hits his skin and he's glad for the warmth radiating from Steve's body. He’s not wearing any clothing except for some lose pants even if he never lets himself be seen in this form by anyone but Eddie but his thick fur is keeping him plenty warm.
The town’s people think the beast got turned back into the handsome prince, a perfect fairy tale ending. They are happy to believe their reformed ruler is once again fully human, thanks to the town pariah now turned consort. Only very few know the whole truth and only Eddie is allowed to see this side of Steve. It’s his and his alone. He might have to share his husband with a whole (albeit small) kingdom but this right here? That is only for them. Only for Eddie.
Steve’s enormous paw has wandered from his chest to the prominent bulge in Eddie’s pants, putting just the right amount of pressure on it to drive Eddie crazy but not enough to give him any kind of relief. “So eager to be claimed by me. Out here under the stars, where anyone could walk by and see.”
Eddie's cock twitches at these words, at the thought of someone seeing them like this. The beastly looking creature joined with Eddie's fragile human body, so easily broken, yet cherished by this powerful being. Chosen as his mate. Steve could feel it, of course, and as always, he reads Eddie like an open book.
"You'd like that, huh? Everyone seeing us like this. Say it, love. Tell me." He's stroking Eddie through his pants, the pull of the velvet against the sensitive head of his leaking cock igniting more of the heat pooling in his groin. Instead of answering, all Eddie can manage is a breathy whimper as he shakes his head desperately. "No? You don't want people to know how desperate the Prince's consort is for the hideous beast they have hated and feared for so long?"
Eddie wants to tell Steve so many things, most of all how much he loves being his consort, to have everyone know that Steve is his, that their handsome prince chose him, chose Eddie. But he also longs to be more. Craves to be -
"Mate," he gasps between moans and whimpers, "wanna be your mate."
The hungry growl that comes from Steve at his words doesn't sound human at all. It is the sound of a ravenous animal, hungry and about to devour its prey.
Eddie has never been so turned on in his entire life. Consort. Mate. Prey. He wants to be all of those things, wants to be everything Steve will ever want or need.
Before the thought has fully formed in his mind, Eddie feels more cold air hit his skin as his pants suffer the same fate as his shirt. He really doesn't know why he bothers with clothes on full moon nights. They always end this way. Maybe it's because he loves to see the physical proof of how much Steve wants him.
The way Steve paws at his cock, the rough surface of his paw pads creating the most delicious friction, is even more proof of his desire for Eddie. It's almost painful the way it drags over the sensitive flesh and another dollop of pre slides down the side of it. Steve bends down to catch it on his tongue before it reaches the thick patch of pubic hair and Eddie can feel as well as hear his content rumble at tasting Eddie. Hungry for more, the tip of his tongue licks up Eddie's length before dipping into his slit to catch every last drop.
A deep, guttural sound rumbles in Steve's chest, and Eddie thinks to himself that if Steve were a cat, he'd be purring right now. But he's not, so his satisfied growl sounds more like a hungry wolf being fed its favorite meal.
One of his claws plays with Eddie's balls and Eddie has to force himself to stay still, not twitch his hips as he desperately wants. They don't need restraints, he doesn't need to be held down by anything but Steve's presence, the threat that underlies his gentle playfulness.
"If you keep this up, this will be over before we get started," Eddie pants, already on edge, even though Steve has barely touched him. That's nothing new either. On nights like this, his cock starts throbbing in anticipation as soon as the light begins to fade.
"For you maybe. Who says it's going to be over for me, sweet thing?" Steve purrs these words, his lips pressed right against his pulsing cock, and the sensation combined with what his words imply makes Eddie come, suddenly and surprisingly for both of them.
"OhmyGod," Eddie whines, cock still twitching, another weak spurt hitting his stomach and catching in the hair there.
Above him, Steve remains silent, speechless at what has just happened. When Eddie manages to open his tightly shut eyes, he sees his husband looking back at him with an expression so human, it's as if the Prince himself is looking at him right now. There is so much utter and flabbergasted surprise on his face that it would be almost funny if Eddie wasn't so mortified.
"I guess you weren't kidding," Steve finally manages to say, and even his voice now sounds so human in its surprise.
Eddie groans and puts his hands to his face to hide his burning cheeks. "Oh God, please stop talking," he begs the love of his life. He supposes it's a compliment to Steve that he just came like a virgin touched for the very first time.
The familiar rumble is back and Eddie huffs in annoyance at being laughed at. Strong hands - really paws, only with opposable thumbs - circle his wrists and tug gently until he pulls his hands away from his face. Steve's smiling face comes into view, and despite everything, Eddie can't help but smile back at the sight. It always looks a little goofy to him, especially knowing that to most people Steve's smile would look absolutely terrifying. Too many sharp, pointy teeth.
"Don't hide your pretty face from me, my love." Steve chides gently, nuzzling Eddie's nose.
"I will if you laugh at me, asshole." The words lack any heat because Eddie is still fighting that goddamn lovesick smile that's painted on his face.
"I was just laughing at how adorable you are, being embarrassed when you blow my mind with how hot you are." As if to prove his point, Steve presses his groin against Eddie's hip and he can feel the hot, hard line of Steve's arousal. "God, the things I wanna do to you, Eddie, you have no idea. It scares me sometimes how much I want, fuck, how much I need you. So don't hide from me, don't deprive me of your beautiful countenance."
Steve's ardent declaration of love is more beautiful than anything Eddie has ever read in any of the many books he has devoured in his life. Naturally, his reply is just as earnest and heartfelt.
"You absolute sap, I love you and if you don't fuck me right now, you'll be sleeping in the throne room for the foreseeable future".
Another rumble of laughter runs through Steve's body as he bends down to lick the cum from Eddie's belly. When he looks back up at him, his dark eyes sparkle in the bright moonlight. "Your wish is my command, mate."
His soft cock twitches at the name and he knows he'll come a second time before the sun rises.
Sitting up and leaning on one of his elbows, he reaches for the small satchel tied to Steve's pants to retrieve a small vial of oil. "How about you get rid of these then, huh?" Eddie asks, tugging at the waistband before sliding his hand to the huge bulge and squeezing Steve's cock through the thin material. Steve's hips buck at his touch and he lets out a low, growling moan that is music to Eddie's ears. He repeats the motion just to hear it again, twisting his wrist just so and applying a little more pressure to the head, so that the next moan is cut short by a breathless whimper.
When Eddie removes his hand and leans back, Steve makes quick work of his clothes, ripping them off just as he did Eddie's. He swears to himself that this time he'll let Steve explain the sudden loss of their clothes to Claudia. Wayne's knowing looks are enough for him, thank you very much.
His eyes immediately focus on the thick, curved length, his mouth watering at the sight. He's glad he insisted on Steve taking him in their bed this morning. Even if it meant Steve was late for his duties. It means his body will adjust faster, open up more easily.
They learned that it took a little more patience and a lot more oil for Eddie to take Steve in this form. Other than that, all they needed was for Eddie to relax, trust Steve and let him in. And that's something Eddie learned years ago, trapped in a cursed castle with a moody beast and talking household items as his only companions.
His breath catches at the sight of Steve is kneeling in front of him, naked except for the fur on his thick body. Eddie gets on his hands and knees and crawls over to him, oil in hand, straddling his lap, supported by one of Steve's paws on his back, the other between his shoulder blades. Even though his naked body is exposed to the cold night air, he's warm surrounded by Steve. Protected from the outside world in their intimate little bubble.
He dribbles a copious amount of oil on his hands and Steve's length, coating it generously before reaching behind him and lathering his hole with the remaining oil on his fingers. The way Steve nuzzles his throat is distracting and hot in equal measure, his little nips at his collarbone and his hot breath fanning across his sensitive skin enough to make more and more blood rush south. His cock slowly refills where it rests against Steve's and it should give him an inferiority complex, how small it looks in comparison, but all the sight does is make his hole twitch in eager anticipation.
"Steve," Eddie almost whines, taking his husband's pink and deliciously thick cock in his oil coated hand, "work with me here instead of trying to eat me as a midnight snack, yeah?"
One last nip, this one firmer than the rest, drawing another tiny drop of blood from him, and Steve growls in his ear. "Always so impatient, my love. What am I ever going to do with you?" He pretends to wonder aloud and Eddie scoffs.
"How about helping me sit on your massive cock so I can ride you until you come inside me?" Eddie asks with an innocent flutter of his eyelashes, as if suggesting they have turkey for dinner instead of boar.
The feeling of Steve pulsing and twitching against his own length at those words brings Eddie back to full hardness and they both moan at the sensation.
"I take it you like the idea, big boy." It's not a question and they both know it. Steve's paw slides from his lower back to his ass, lifting him further into his lap as if he weighed nothing. His other paw joins the first, and his long fingers slide between Eddie's cheeks, always mindful of his claws. While Eddie holds him steady, Steve spreads Eddie's cheeks so he can line up Steve's cock with his glistening hole.
He can't help but tease, just a little, sliding Steve's length between his cheeks until the head catches at his entrance. Beneath him he can feel how tense Steve is, holding back with all his strength and self-control not to just bury himself in Eddie's warmth. As much as Eddie fantasizes about letting Steve do just that, he knows it wouldn't end in a sexy way. The human body has limits. Still, it's a thought that gets him going like nothing else.
Eddie bears down, trying to remain as relaxed as possible, and slowly shifts his weight to where Steve's cock is pressing against him. It burns and if Eddie didn't know better he would think it would never fit. But he does know better, he knows how delicious the stretch will feel in a moment, how full and complete he will feel then.
One of Steve's paws has settled on his waist to keep him upright, to keep him anchored, and it begins to stroke up and down his side in a soothing way. "That's it, take your time. Easy, my love. I got you. Let me in. Let me be your mate." It's all said in his soft growl, the sound echoing inside Eddie, relaxing his muscles even more and finally allowing the head of Steve's cock to slip inside.
The sound Steve makes sounds wounded, his whole body shaking with it, and Eddie can feel it inside him. He sinks down another inch or two, enveloping more and more of Steve with his body. He's sweating profusely by now, thanks to the effort of holding himself still as he sinks down tortuously slowly, combined with Steve's body heat warming him on all sides and his rapidly beating heart pumping hot blood through his veins.
As he sinks deeper and deeper, he feels Steve's thick cock filling every cell of his being. It's a feeling he's been craving since the last full moon, something raw and animalistic and so profound he can't put it into words. Like it was fate, destiny, some kind of prophecy. Or just his body's reaction to being fucked like it's never been fucked before, all these happy and euphoric feelings driving him a little crazy.
Once he's fully seated on Steve's cock, they both take a moment to just breathe, to adjust to the intense sensation. It always feels like the first time, and Eddie hopes it stays that way until they're old and wrinkled. Sometimes he wonders if Steve's fur will turn gray, too, and he can't wait to find out.
"I love you," Steve breathes out, barely audible if Eddie wasn't so close. "Thank you for choosing me. All of me, even this. Especially this."
Eddie leans forward as far as he physically can in this position and presses sweet kisses against Steve's muzzle. "I love you. Everything about you. Especially this." As he says these words, he begins to move, tentatively rising with the help of Steve's paws on his body before sinking back down again. The drag of the hot flesh against his inner walls sets his nerves on fire, the heat pooling in his groin, his balls already taut. He never lasts long when they fuck like this, even if he has come before.
Steve's not doing much better, Eddie can tell by the way his muscles are twitching. He's still holding back, letting Eddie set the pace, fighting every instinct inside of him that wants to pound, to claim. It's all so hot that Eddie can't help but wrap his hand around his own cock, chasing his release.
"You feel so good inside me. So fucking deep, it's like I can feel you in my throat." He leans back a little, still supported by Steve's paw on him, and puts his other hand on his stomach, where he can see Steve's cock distending it. "Look how well you fill me up, love," he adds, pressing against the bulge.
Steve does as he's told, staring down at Eddie's belly in hungry wonder, and Eddie's hand on his own cock speeds up. The paw that is not propping Eddie up also reaches for his belly so Steve can feel himself inside Eddie. "Mine," Steve growls, "you're mine."
"Yours," Eddie agrees breathlessly. He's so close, he just needs... he needs...
After Steve's fingers wrap around his hand and the tip of his claw strokes the head of his cock, it only takes two more strokes for Eddie to come again, thick ropes of cum matting Steve's golden brown fur, making it look darker.
It's as if someone has cut his strings, all the strength leaves his body and he sinks limply into Steve's arms. He's spent and hypersensitive, yes, but also loose and pliable, so he tells Steve in a soft voice, "Take what you need, my love. I want you to." He can feel Steve hesitating for a moment, letting his words and their implications sink in, so Eddie nods emphatically at his unspoken question and rubs his face against the soft fur on Steve's neck.
"Mate," Steve whispers in an awed voice, his cock pulsing inside Eddie, and it feels so good for Eddie to be able to give this to Steve. Even though his body feels like dead weight, heavy and immovable, he floats on the feeling. He's cradled against Steve's, held still, as if he had any intention of moving away when Steve begins to thrust into him from below. The force of Steve's cock ramming into him makes his body jiggle in Steve's lap. The overstimulation probably borders on painful, but it's only a distant sensation in the back of his mind as he floats too high to really register it.
The sounds Steve keeps making vibrate through him from all sides, around him, inside him, and the way Steve keeps holding him as he ruts into him makes him feel so safe, so loved. Treasured, really, like he's something precious that Steve can't bear to be parted from. Steve is chasing his own high, his own ecstasy, and he's going to find it in Eddie.
The thought makes him smile and he vaguely thinks he should write that down later.
When Steve comes, it's with a high-pitched howl that causes a flock of birds to flee from their hiding place in the surrounding bushes. It's the sound of a wolf howling at the moon, and Eddie knows the townspeople sometimes whisper about the lone wolf that can only be heard at full moon, wondering what it means. They avoid the meadows and woods in the area just in case it's another beast they have to fear. It suits them, so Eddie never bothers to correct them.
He knows it's not a lone wolf, it's a beautiful beast and its human mate.
Eddie must have floated even further away, because when he blinks his eyes again, he realizes that the world has tilted while he was gone. Steve is now lying on his back and Eddie is still held tightly in his arms, covering as much of his naked body as he can.
He's warm and the fur beneath him is soft, the gentle up and down of Steve's chest under his cheek slowly lulling him to sleep. He can feel Steve's cock still nestled inside him, so big that it won't slip out even if he's soft.
Eddie sighs contentedly and smiles, thinking how lucky he is to have this. It's not the first time they've fallen asleep like this and he already knows what their morning will be like. He will wake up at dawn in Steve's very human arms, the crisp autumn morning too cold for them to sleep without the added warmth of Steve's fur.
Steve will already be awake, always an early riser, and he'll kiss Eddie's unruly curls with an affectionate smile on his face. He'll call Eddie a sleepy head and ask him if he'd rather sleep in a bed. Eddie will stretch, savoring the ache in his limbs from the passionate night they just shared. He'll enjoy the sting in his ass where Steve slipped out of him when he turned human again, and the feeling of sticky cum dripping lazily from his gaping hole as he moves to get up.
They will both run to the nearby stables, buck naked, holding hands and laughing joyously like love-struck teenagers. Wayne will be nowhere to be seen, which is for the best. He and Steve got off to a...rocky start, and that's an euphemism, what with Steve taking Wayne hostage only to trade his life for his nephew. Eddie knows that Steve has since grown on Wayne, helped along by Steve giving Wayne his stables and horses to do with as he pleases. It helps even more that Steve makes Eddie smile every day and gives him all the books his heart desires and a personal library to go with it. Something Wayne was never able to do with the meager income he used to make as a blacksmith.
Eddie suspects Wayne knows what they're up to anyway, judging by the way he'll raise a skeptical eyebrow at Eddie later that day.
Once they are back in their rooms, they will crawl into their huge bed under the fluffy covers for another hour of blissful sleep, wrapped around each other, before the needs of the kingdom take Steve away for the day. He will, of course, sneak off to see Eddie, either to seek his counsel or just to steal a kiss from his husband before the next endless meeting commences.
And a month later, they will do it all over again.
#steddie#steddie smut#steddie fanfic#steve harrington x eddie munson#Beauty and the Beast AU#nsft#my writing
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extremely long shadows over welde character analysis post
by extremely long i mean its fucking 3k words cause I go too silly.
Spoilers up to ep 8 and its mostly rambles so apolocheese. I also posted this on my twitter so if u saw it there here's an actual text version LOL
Argentum:
Oh my god. You are soooo…… First of all, in the story we’ve gotten this. Argentum is a strong headed, curious person who is a bit stubborn and holds themself at a bit of a graceful appearance on the outside. They are smart, witty, but also a bit of a temper especially when it comes to frankly a little stupid ideas. They are also kind and care for others. We were shown from the beginning that they enjoy their work and meeting fans and even with people they just met are willing to help them stay safe. Also they’re a little dumb. Sometimes curiosity overrides rational thinking and that was shown when they touched the weird fucking webbing in the cave and also that ENTIRE plan when there was the confrontation between Vhaeraun and Lolth which was fucking actually crazy. This isn’t even beginning to talk about the head friend. I am constantly thinking about that voice and who that could be. Brings us speculation around them. Argentum is not human, or at least fully human. Their eyes are def not human and Hayden is a silly lil guy who would pull a trick like that. There was one speculation on them possibly being a Kalashtar and I think it could fit but honestly for now it hasn’t been on my forefront. I also bought the inscriptor class finally and was looking at how possibly they were built. What stats what subclass ect. I don’t fucking know.. Now you might be asking “Hey why don’t you just ask?” CAUSE IM SCARED. But honestly cause I wanted to see if I could figure it out myself lmao. It boiled down to either Mystery or Historian subclass is what Snail helped me narrow to. Could be wrong tho. There’s also little tidbits about Argentum that have come from outside the sessions like when I asked if they had a canonical birthday cause “celebrating fictional characters birthdays is cringe” “fuck you happy birthday argentum” is funny. Still honestly wanna know if any of the party has canon birthdays. I got hit with the “Oh they don’t know their own birthday.” and then swindled. There was also the discussion on Hayden’s pcs never really having parents or family and Argentum was included in that list which more or less got confirmed in session this episode (7). I still don’t know their motives, still don’t know their relationships with others because it seems everyone is connected to someone except Argentum, and I still don’t know who their patron is and if that is the same as the voice in their head. Love the silly though
Phoenix:
Fifi….. Not much was known about you until today and holy shit did it rock my world. Before we had known he was the apprentice to Ipswich and was sent in his place as guest of honor. We also then found out he was a spy working on tailing Lolth and that’s kinda all we knew about Phoenix for a bit, at least heavy lore wise. He’s a sarcastic, witty, bitch and I love him so much. I could never surpass Snail as Phoenix Enjoyer but it’s close. We learned a bit more during the nightmare drink sequence where he met his patron and got his powers fucking zapped. A couple things stood out to me from it. How his patron looked and specific wording from Phoenix. We know Ipswich isn’t mortal anymore but Phoe had said something along the lines of “I’d get my ass kicked and be right back here the next day.” He is surrounded by death or even just the undead. His patron deals in undead magic and I don’t think if Phoenix gets knocked down he wouldn’t be back again looking all fine the next day. We don’t know his patron’s name which like. Fuck. but lmao. Anyways Ipswich is tracking him like crazy and says he has this important quest although we don’t know a lot of Phoe’s thoughts and feelings on what he’s doing. To me it almost seems like he’s a tool or pawn for others and idk if I can fully call him a good person. Doing a bit of research into his pact and such it seems that he’s just going to possibly lose more and more humanity as he gets stronger but also i couldn’t tell you how much he has already. There’s also the whole cousins and throne thing that got dropped this episode. It seems his family is also involved with this whole scheme but Phoe is the favourite of the bunch. The idea that he could possibly be royalty was also thrown around and i think if he was like secret prince it would be from a large family all vying for a throne or he is working with Ipswich and others to usurp the current ruler and take the power for himself. Although knowing Fifi it’ll probably be like a secret third option. Not much except he’s so 90s movie older sister to me and the fact Ipswich runs a school for swindlers which is kinda funny.
Sunder:
Babygirl. Pookie. Love of my life who I want to kill me. God. This is now my love letter to you. I saw you across the bar and thought you were sooo scary and I’ve been enraptured ever since. Anyways that’s a freak. He’s not the most talkative and seems more lonely despite everything. They’re funny, loyal, kind, and ruthless. We didn’t get much for Sunder for a bit until mostly the shopping episode. We learned a bit through Kelly and the nightmare drink of what makes up Sunder but it didn’t really culminate until the head crushing I would say. Honestly I don’t even care I just fucking love the way Sunder is played. Like I’m sitting here trying to find words that aren’t just I think he’s neat cause I do think analyzing him is intriguing. They’re going to get angry and they’re going to get violent and you are not safe. It’s something that was so surprising at first because of how much Sunder kind of fell into the background. The nightmare drink gave us the first look at this, that Sunder had apparently killed someone, a kid even, but a lot of their violence was played off as a joke by the community, I know I did. Learned today that the person in that nightmare was Ilmater and it shows that she wasn’t lying when she said that visions and nightmares of this accident are a plague. I believe them when they say it was an accident and idk how young they were but to harbor that from a young age will fuck you up. Their morals are something that intrigues me i would say the most. No trouble in murder although I assume that’s more or less towards people who piss him off or are generally bad people. He’s kind hearted and that’s shown a lot especially with this last interaction I’d say. I still need to like rewatch a lot of parts of it but “we were just kids” genuinely fucking rocked me to my core and it got me i won’t lie. We’re still very early in but idk, I want to see Sunder truly happy and not haunted by the ghosts of their past. I feel this was most likely the first step but it’s hard to say as we go forward. I think violence and blood will always follow it’s just how they choose to take it.
The Wall:
I think now Wall is the character we know the least about, at least to me. We know his duty to Eilistraee and his duty to Zephrael and also his little foodie quirks (love him dearly) but outside of that I don’t think we know a lot. He’s the character I have the least notes for now but I do know this. He is loyal to a fault, a little dense, kind, and revels in battle and violence. I think about his nightmare and the fear of losing her and the sword then what happened to this episode. He’s had this since he was a child and then he had this dream, this trip to the beastland plane and looked Eilistraee in the eye and fought her. I believe he still loves her, cares for her, but I also think it has changed since that episode no doubt. Rewinding a bit, I think a bit about him being told he has to be pure of heart in order to wield the sword. What does pure of heart truly mean? Wall loves fighting and murder. He actively committed torture. Also he’s the bodyguard for an objectively bad man. There’s the argument of his intentions are pure although I doubt you can do a lot of what he did and have those intentions be fully pure. It’s just something I think about more than probably a normal person should teehee. Anyways the conversation he and Rae had at the beginning of this session should classify as psychological warfare cause I genuinely do not think I’m ever going to recover. I have been talking about it for weeks how they are the chosens, favored, by literal enemies and seem to have some sort of hit on them by a couple of deities now. I thought about how it might affect relationships and how Wall views them. We know he’s very loyal but I always wondered how far he would need to be pushed before that is broken. Seems like an extreme amount. His morals are probably what intrigue me the most tbh. I’d kill to know what his alignment is LMAO. Most of all I just really love the Wall because he is goofy and silly but he also isn’t a stupid brick wall that doesn’t know anything and I really enjoy seeing the times he gets to explain things. Fuck it we Wall.
Zephrael:
Okay so this will be the longest one cause I’m biased and yes Zephrael is my favourite. I always feel a little bad when it comes to that and showing that favouritism because I truly do love the entire party so much. This hit me the most when the show was just starting out and I did feel like I needed to show how much I loved each character and not just focus on Rae lol. I hope this thread can at least show that (if you even make it this far) Anyways Zephrael is a fucking freak and I love him so much. I’ve done multiple posts on him before and yeah Im gonna repeat some of it here i wont lie. Right out the gate we probably learn the most and yet the least about Rae’s past and present. He is an emissary for the reformed church of Lolth and an honored guest. He had known about Edo’s work before and talked about how it had helped with relations between the public and the reformed church. This means everything and nothing to us. But it does show that despite Rae’s… oddness, he is extremely well spoken when he wants to be and I think about that speech a lot. The next few episodes gave us some more information yet also a lot more questions. These weird pains that seem to predict disasters, the extreme phobia of spiders despite being a paladin of Lolth, and his both egotistical yet self deprecating attitude. It was fascinating to watch him because he clashed but never in a way that made him irredeemable and I’ll go more into that at the end section. A few early things I thought about a lot before the catalyst that was the nightmare drink were who the reformed church was, where did Zephrael come from, why was he chosen as this ambassador, and why he didn’t know undercommon but knew abyssal. These are still questions I have to this day LMAO. The nightmare drink vision I possibly overanalyze the most next to Phoenix’s. It stood out due to the fact that it wasn’t, bad. Rae could see again, he saw his father and best friends again, he got told he was going to learn the truth again. Why was this considered a bad thing? Everyone else experienced horrors and regrets yet Zephrael got sorrow. It jumpstarted the part aasimar Rae theory tho. Angel imagery Rae makes me clinically insane I won’t lie and his father having these large wings and bright white light did not help. There’s the big question of what he is and also how he joined the church. Hell, even how he feels about the church as well, truly at least. During one of the hiatuses fandom went crazy and Snail Snailmuds dropped out of nowhere that the runes on Rae’s body weren’t just random but fucking translated abyssal that said “PAIN CHAOS POWER” which first of all goes hard second of all what the fuck.
Theory crafting for Zephrael always feels like climbing uphill and also being constantly shot at cause every time something happens with that man it turns out to be a secret third thing going on oh mygod. Anyways I’ve discussed whether or not he was forced into this church, was kidnapped, born into it, ect because at the end of the day, he seems to very much be a tool or pawn for this church and/or Lolth. Also the whip being an artifact of Lolth or whatever they’re called again I forgot??? What the fuck dude. ALSO HIM SLEEPING IN BATHTUBS????? Grizzly has said this will make sense later but genuinely what the fuck there is something wrong with him. Moving on, revelation about the tattoos comes out and we get the torture episode. Well we get the holy shit they just killed those guys begining and then torture. First of all, I cheered louder than anyone else when Rae actually did fucking combat instead of running away and also the fact he can use his whip. Anyways dumb and dumber torture a guy and first of all the lay on hands to keep him alive during torture was insane and I hope to see it again in anything and it’s also where it’s learned that the tattoos on him were “forcibly engraved” which was honestly brushed off and a lot happened that I think most people forgot but I didn’t cause I’m crazy. Anyways moving on from THAT we get the typical Rae. Dodging questions when Argentum tries to interrogate him and also dunno if he’s just fuckin lying or not when he does actually answer them.
Episode 6 and 7 are where I think Rae slightly pivots. Not really noticeable but he feels a little more, close. It was also a change I noticed with the cast and I think that helped a lot of character dynamics as well. Rae’s stupid beef with Argentum was so fucking funny and I do think about him wanting to heal Sunder before himself after the Bulette because if he heals Sunder, how would that help him. Yes they’re his bodyguard but the monster is dead and it’s not like Sunder can heal him back. It was a decision that I think was the most different for Rae because he was shown to care deeply for Wall but not so much the others as much. He still doesn’t care for the others as much as he does The Wall but I do think he has grown a fondness or care for the others whether he wants to or not. And thats the thing, I could not tell you if he does actually wanna care for them or not. Yes they are allies and help but he seems to try and keep things at a transactional level or how much power it may bring him. He still does but like his dynamic with Argentum seems closer cause the antagonizing feels more like siblings getting on each other’s nerves rather than a growing distance. I think Sunder also displaying that brutality may have put him more into Rae’s good books too. Anyways he read a fucking book huge day. Now he has even worse mommy issues. Ep 7 killed me with hammers but that was spoken about. His relationship with Wall is something that fascinates me though. Rae is selfish, it’s not hidden at all, yet he does seem to care deeply for Wall and almost defends him more than he would defend himself. It’s nice to see for this bodyguard and his charge dynamic but ep 7 spread some light on it and I do think their bond will outlive the will of the Gods but what do I know, I’m not anyone at that table. Zephrael is rude, odd, egotistical but also masochistic and does care deeply when he wants to and you don’t see that kind of character as much I wanna say. He’s my favourite cause his weird gnc swag enraptured me thats all he is post over.
Not actually over cause there’s one last thing. These characters would not be these characters without the wonderful players behind them. Each episode brings out better and better performances that have me actually going crazy over them. I genuinely wouldve had nothing to write about if it weren’t for the fact everyone brings so much life into these characters and loves them so much that they feel so fucking real. They don’t feel flat or simple but very nuanced characters that I love to study and even be wrong about (i actually hate being wrong and every time im wrong i get so ashamed) but Argentum’s flourishes and talks to get out of situations, Phoenix’s wit and holy shit that dread form voice, Sunder during the market fight and then the softer scene with Varic, Wall’s humor and even talking about the more serious stuff, and Zephrael’s ability to balance harshness and endearing at the same time. That’s Hayden, Leizu, Juzo, Ben, and Grizzly and I genuinely cannot fucking talk about the performances enough. I’ve thought about making a post just about it but I fear I just wouldn’t be able to articulate what I wanna say enough. Then obviously it wouldn’t even be possible without the fucking amazing world building and npcs Jonah has provided. Everything is so immersive and I find myself caring for each and every npc we meet whether caring for their safety or caring too much cause I dislike them. Every npc sticks with me and I grow so attached so quickly because they feel so real in this world that also feels so fucking real. It feels like we are just peeking into another world and I actually can’t multitask when watching sow cause I get too sucked in. It’s really hard to do that and I talk about it a lot but never really publicly so I thought I would here.
Anyways for real this time post over, this ended up way longer than I thought it was gonna be so ur a real one if you read this all the way through lol. I’m off to go think about sow merch again as I wait for permission and stuff cause im crazy. See ya later
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ITS ABSOLUTELY DIVINE THAT YOU MADE THE CUNOESSE BLOG!!! i was just thinking about the klaasjeruby + cunoesse dynamic. (btw the asks on that blog so im dropping this heeeere)
first of all, i think cunoesse would absorb ruby's personality. bc in this au cuno (in her eyes) betrayed her, she is probably very possesive of ruby once they actually bond. can absolutely see her changing her name to something that sounds like ruby (ruin? rue as in rue the day? ruby calls her kangaroo once and gets hissed at) and then like. having an identity crisis because she learns ruby isn't a natural ginger. cunoesse may feel shut out because ruby will not tell her things that cuno would have done (nightmares, for example) while ruby is just trying to be The One Decent Adult This Kid Has Ever Seen
would she view klaasje as competition? i think the inevitable answer is yes, because klaasje has the 'upper hand' as both knowing ruby beforehand and being an adult. and again, by being scarred from cuno betraying her, c might view ruby's kindess as conditional, and would attempts to like...become ruby's guard dog???? as in, if klaasje does something to make ruby upset or annoyed, cunoesse is on high alert. to klaasje, its a mix of eventual fondess for c as well as apprehension, because a child tailing after a moralintern fugitive and a la puta madre run away is a massive vunerability.
i think she ends up transing c's gender though. c asks her how she slips through so many different persona's, and she gives some poetic metaphor about consuming the previous self to sustain the future, only for c to go 'i have to eat cuno's gender. got it 👍'
i
kicking my feet in delight as i listen to all of this . love the idea of her eating cunos gender
VERY fun interpretations of the way things could go when c runs aaway with ruby i loooooove the kangaroo bit lol. in my version of events ruby doesnt run away with klaasje, i dont really see them together bc klassje did ruby SOOOOOO fucking dirty (it was for survival ofc and shes got her own shit going on but for the sake of au. its ruby c roadtrip time)
i think the two dye their hair together in a truckstop bathroom and c goes with a crazy color. maybe blue or something. something that when she looks in the mirror it doesnt remind her of cuno anymore. its amazing how much a color can change a person entirely. ruby dyes her hair too for safety since shes on the run but she helps out c with the entire process
i think now that c has a good role model (ruby is KIND she is SELFLESS she is GENEROUS she is CONSIDERATE she is BUTCH AND AWESOME) (also hell now she just has. any role model in her life.) she doesnt exactly mellow out but ruby helps her in a lot of ways. she still will wake up screaming in the night and will curse out ruby when shes scared or mad and sometimes will regress and pretend shes a creature to cope again. but now shes got an adult in her life that cares about her
its a process that the two get to know each other by, c doesnt want to talk about her shit and ruby doesnt appreciate being called a dyke every other sentence. they for SURE have a tough time adjusting. but they adjust. because what else are they going to do?
ruby probably knows how it is to be a little girl thats scared. we dont know a ton about her past but i would imagine that she was probably the type that was visibly queer from a young age and learned that this was not a world that was made with her in mind. and it wasnt made for c either. they both know how to run and theyre running together instead of running with people who dont help them get better. c is just a kid and shes a kid who deserves better. the two really help each other.
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rank the characters in order of their thoughts on furries LMAOOOOOOO
STOP IT- okay fine.
17. Tarquin- Sweet, seahorse Tarquin. He's not AGAINST it...but when he learns about what's happening in Autumn and Spring, he's confused and concerned and maybe upset? Shape of DOLPHIN, Tarquin can't participate
16. Rhysand- Darling, I don't NEED to take an animal form and why would you want me to when I'm so magnificent OKAY ALRIGHT RHYS JESUS CHRIST WE GET IT. Tone it down. You're just okay.
15. Amren- Has written more than one twitter thread on the problems with these Fae and their animal/furry fucking ways. They've lost the PAGENTRY of what it means to be Fae. Says this unironically while sipping human blood.
14. Mor- Just not for her. Trying not to judge but like, she is DEFINITELY judging people for what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom. Join Calanmai? Uh no thank you. Not even curious.
13. Nesta- Arched eyebrow, curled lip when she learns about Lucien. I mean...if you're into that sort of thing I GUESS. You'll never catch Nesta with her cheek in the fucking dirt. She does the fucking, not the other way around.
12. Emerie- You'll never catch her DEAD with one of those half bat ding-dongs. No amount of Cassian explaining that wings do not equal furries will ever convince her. She knows what those men are like.
11. Gwyn- Respectful of what the rest of this list is up to, but would prefer a regular man. Ignores the man she routinely has sex with is half bat. Cognitive dissonance, we know her well.
10. Azriel- Half bat. Furry curious when he's punching Eris in the face at the High Lords meeting. Definitely listening a little TOO closely when he's spying on Spring. WHAT NO HES NOT INTERESTED THIS IS JUST FOR INFORMATION. Don't look at him like that.
9. Cassian- Disappointed he doesn't have an animal form. "Touch my wings, Nesta" he demands one night. "Look I bought this headband with ears-" No okay, yeah I'll put that away. Cassian would GO to Calanmai and fuck someone in a cave as a beast. Wishes he was a dragon (secret)
8. Feyre- Looking too hard and Helion and Rhys in beast form. I saw those descriptions Miss Ma'am. A thing of nightmares? A thing of daylight? Okay, alright. I'm sure you NEVER thought about yourself between them. OG furry fucker, given her time in Spring.
7. Helion- Look my man is liberated. He'll do anything once. Beast form, a fursuit, whatever. Cassian wants to wear little cat ears? Quick, Helion, this is your chance! Man is in love with an Autumn Court resident, he's too used to their strangeness.
6. Eris- Genuinely surprised people think it's weird. "We're MALE- practically animals already" he drawls. "FRENZY IS FOR ANIMALS" and he should say it. Everyone forgets that, but SJM should have taken the mate/frenzy trope to its natural conclusion
5. Jurian- Wife is a goddamn bird 12 hours of the day. He's sitting in this conversation like, what a bunch of pussies.
4. Vassa- Is a bird for 12 hours of the day. Husband does not seem to mind. No, technically theyve never DONE anything while she was a bird, but sometimes the humans stare when she's perched on his shoulder rubbing her head against his cheek.
3. Elain- Fox tail butt plug, a whole drawer of little headbands, my girl is a secret FREAK and I stand by that. Has nothing to add to this conversation, flaming cheeks when Lucien makes some small comment about it. Drags him home and lets him put her on his knees anyway.
2. Lucien- Helions son, former resident of the Spring Court orgy, pretend son of Autumn Lucien Vanserra Spell-Cleaver Archeron is a big fucking fan of furries.
TAMLIN- YOU ALREADY KNEW. FURSONA? YOU MEAN MY BEAST FORM RIGHT? Roaming the woods with claw and fur and talons doesn't mean he stopped having needs.
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Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #30: NONE SO BLIND...
March, 1988
THE COMPOSITE AVENGER!
OH MY GOD THIS GUY IS SO GOOFY LOOKING!
So, the East Coast Avengers are dealing with the Super-Adaptoid over in their book (although disappointingly he doesn’t copy the powers of the current team) and the West Coast Avengers are going to deal with some guy that composites their attributes?
I’m down for that! I think every superhero team should have to deal with someone that’s just the whole team in one dude.
I sure hope this cover isn’t a lie!
This issue also seems like its a fill-in.
Instead of Steve Englehart who has been the writer since West Coast Avengers vol 2 started, we have Al Milgrom as the writer. Al Milgrom has been the artist on the book so its plausible that Steve Englehart needed more time to script the follow-up to the Phantom Rider subplot so Al Milgrom stepped up to write a done-in-one.
So I don’t know if it will be all that relevant but
Last times on West Coast Avengers: the West Coast Avengers just finished up an arc about a Zodiac organization made of astrology obsessed robots. The leader Scorpio stupidly teleported Zodiac and the Avengers to another universe where the constellations were different so the robots stopped working. Then Moon Knight harassed a man who likes to dress as a bull until he, the bull man, died in a plane crash. It was all part of the same arc, trust me.
This time: horrifying babies.
Al Milgrom, please learn to draw babies if you’re going to confront me with two horrifying cherubs on page 2 of a book.
Also: is it laundry day for Wanda and Vision? Why are they wearing their uniforms around the house? I know Vision has a TV sitcom dad sweater. I’ve seen him wear it!
Anyway, nightmare babies aside. Uncle Wonder Man reads Tommy and Billy the story of the Blind Man and the Elephant.
You probably know it. Or are vaguely aware of it.
Some blind wise men feel up an elephant and give their own, narrow interpretations of what kind of beast it is based on what they touch. One touches the tail, and thinks an elephant is ropelike, another touches the tusk and thinks its spear-esque.
And at the end they can’t agree on what an elephant is because they only bothered to touch one thing. The moral being “there are none so blind as those who will not see.”
The story is lost on Billy and Tommy who passed right the fuck out during this minute long story. And Vision says that the more complicated theme of the story was probably beyond their baby brains anyway.
(How old are they at this point? Comic book time makes that complicated.)
But Simon says that mostly he just wants the two kids to get used to him being around as their uncle.
Aww!
He’s pretty busy with his movie career and superhero work but he wants to be able to visit this part of the family as often as he can.
Simon Wonder Man Williams gets in his Quinjet to fly back from New Jersey to L.A. but finds weird green bug robots smashing into the cockpit despite whatever defensive grid the Quinjet apparently has.
The robots shred his stylish red jacket but he manages to smash them and radio the West Coast Avengers to report the situation.
Wonder Man: “Attention Whackos! This is Wonder Man. Am being attacked by robots of unknown origin. Activating signal beacon. They’re strong li’l suckers, but I should be able to handle ‘em. There’s only a few... uh-oh! ... hundred!”
The transmission cuts off there so back at the West Coast Avengers Compound, the team assembles, gets into another Quinjet and flies off to help their teammate!
Meanwhile, Wonder Man finds himself held captive above a spaceship hovering over the Midwest.
A shadowy figure on a monitor with a tentacle mouth introduces himself as one of the Sligs -- an up and coming new warrior race who want to prove their mettle.
And like many other comic book antagonists, instead of just getting down to what they want to do (cutting a swath of conquest through the galaxy or annihilating the Fantastic Four) the Sligs decided they’re going to beat the shit out of the Avengers first to prove that they’re cooler than the Kree and Skrulls.
Also, and to be fair, they want to conquer Earth so they’ll have to tangle with the Avengers one way or another. Might as well take advantage of a surprise strike to test, analyze, and defeat the team.
But, yeah, mostly they just want to rub the Kree and Skrulls’ faces in it that the Sligs, an alien race from a- oh actually they first appeared in a Fantastic Four issue. So they weren’t invented just for this. That makes them slightly less laughable.
According to Marvel wiki, they appear in this, in Fantastic Four 209, and in Maximum Security: Dangerous Planet. So they’re laughable again.
Anyway.
Things are already not going great for the Sligs as a technician warns the leader that Wonder Man is straining their engines by fighting so hard against the stasis beams.
The leader dismisses it as no concern and is more focused on the rest of the West Coast Avengers arriving to rescue Wonder Man.
Embarrassingly, the Slig ship just blasts the Quinjet into another dimension.
Their ability to do that kind of renders the rest of their plan to best the West Coast Avengers kinda pointless though, right? Like, the Sligs could get rid of the West Coast Avengers like that. Just leave them stranded.
But no.
And granted, that would make a boring issue.
Instead, the Sligs reunite Wonder Man and the West Coast Avengers in this different dimension so they can throw a big, beefy green robot called the Examiner at them.
And by at them I mean at Wonder Man.
The rest of the team is frozen in stasis so the Examiner can test what Wonder Man can do.
And with each fight, the Examiner will adapt and improve.
As Wonder Man realizes, this kind of screws over the rest of the team, if the Examiner adapts to fighting Wonder Man and then goes against his less powerful teammates.
Wonder Man decides the thing to do is to totally wreck the Examiner in their fight so it can’t use Wonder Man tier strength against the rest of the team.
And he does. He totally wrecks the Examiner in one panel.
Unfortunately, the Slig leader tells the technician to reassemble the Examiner and compensate for the damage he received.
So Wonder Man is placed in stasis and Tigra is freed, leaving her to face an upgraded Examiner.
The Examiner warns Tigra that his shielding is now nigh impenetrable. Nice of him to give her the heads up.
But what Tigra realizes is that she’s still faster.
She climbs up the Examiner and then jumps off when he tries to smash her. So instead, he smashes in his own chest plates.
And now that the chassis is breached, Tigra jumps back up and goes ham on his wiring and such.
Tigra: “He may have been ready for Wondy’s strength, but that didn’t prepare him for my savagery! And so scratch -- literally -- one Examiner!”
The Sligs use this new angry cat battle data to make an even better Examiner and then swap out Tigra for Mockingbird to test the new guy.
Mockingbird quickly joins her battle staves to make a battle ten-foot-pole so she can pole vault from the Examiner.
The Examiner says Mockingbird is agile (and wonders if that's just a Earth lady thing, because the Examiner is down to stereotype) but that he’s a lot faster after battling Tigra.
So since Mockingbird can’t outpunch this giant lad and can’t outrace him, she takes a page from Captain America that “a clever, skillful pro can beat any opponent!”
Basically, she lures the Examiner to the edge of the floating land chunk they’re fighting on and trips him so he falls off.
Dropping men off cliffs is becoming her signature move.
Also, I think the Examiner obliterated one of those floating planetoids with his face.
The Slig leader is starting to see that the Avengers live up to the stories told about them. But hell if he’s going to stop now. He has the technician re-assemble the Examiner with strength to challenge Wonder Man, speed to rival Tigra, and ... uh... I guess being smart enough not to get tripped off a cliff.
Hawkeye is sent to face the Examiner next.
And he’s been spending some of his stasis time thinking about how these one-on-one fights have been robbing the Avengers’ of the advantage of teamwork.
With that on his mind, he tosses down a high voltage arrow and loudly declares that he doesn’t need it.
The Examiner: “Beware, Avenger, my power is approaching levels it has never before attained! No amount of strength, speed, skill or savagery can best me now!”
Hawkeye decides to test this with some high impact explosive arrows.
They make the Examiner stumble back a step but he compensates before he can, I dunno, stumble off the floating land chunk like an idiot again.
Hawkeye tries a net arrow next, which the Examiner tears apart like no thing. Then he has to use some putty arrows to slow the guy down so he can put some distance between them.
And at a safe distance, Hawkeye uses some concentrated nitric acid arrows, which he just so happened to have with him (Hawkeye’s quiver is as good as Batman’s utility belt and you can take that to the bat-bank).
It seems like the chassis is still quite durable but the acid seeps into the Examiner’s joints and he falls quite to pieces.
Boss Slig immediately commands that the Examiner be buffed and re-assembled. The technician tries to warn the boss that this exercise is starting to draw so much power that its becoming dangerous.
The boss just yells RE-ASSEMBLE! so the technician does.
Iron Man is up next.
Hm. Despite being the second strongest dude on the team, Iron Man now has to deal with an enemy that’s been buffed by fighting over half the team. If Iron Man had gone first, he’d probably have wrecked the Examiner as quickly as Wonder Man did. Now, he has a challenge.
Also, the Examiner can fly. Adapted that from the Wonder Man fight and has had it all along. Could have come in use when he was tripped off the edge of the land but hey, hindsight is something something.
Repulsors and the uni-beam both fail to do much to the Examiner. And the Examiner’s counter-attack spikes Iron Man out of the air.
But Iron Man lands near the arrow that Hawkeye dropped and he suddenly realizes Hawkeye’s strategy.
The Examiner boasts that it has grown too powerful for the arrows to threaten. But Iron Man uses the high voltage arrow to recharge his armor and then uses the power to magnetize the Examiner’s chassis.
Sure, Iron Man couldn’t destroy the Examiner, the guy can’t continue the fight with his limbs magnetized to his torso.
Slig boss: “Astounding! Each of these warriors seems to be holding some ability or weapon back so we are faced with a new challenge each time. Compensate!”
Slig technician: “Am attempting compliance! Tapping into stardrive engines now!”
The Examiner is demagnetized and made immune to that tactic. And Dr Pym is unfrozen to face a the Examiner that is now immune to the strengths of Wonder Man, Tigra, Mockingbird, Hawkeye, and Iron Man. That’s... uh... a hurdle.
Dr Pym does his Dr Pym Particles thing and unshrinks some tools.
But a buzzsaw breaks against the Examiner and just gets Dr Pym WHAP’d in response. A flamethrower also proves useless.
The Examiner draws near and Dr Pym says “I get the picture! I know when I’m beaten. But I warn you, don’t touch me!”
This just makes the Examiner want to touch him more though.
Which Hank was counting on, that sneaky Hank.
With the Examiner presumably savoring an Avenger showing fear at last, Hank is able to tap the robot on its chest.
Dr Pym: “You saw my ability to enlarge shrunken inanimate objects -- well, you just have to ask yourself... ‘how did those objects get shrunken in the first place?’”
And then he smashes the teeny Examiner with a hammer.
Good job, Hank!
I like how fed up the technician is getting. The boss is sunk costing hard at this point.
So the Examiner is buffed and reassembled and put up against Moon Knight.
And Moon Knight is thinking, oh shit, I’m screwed. He’s a badass normal dude with some extra selves he doesn’t want to talk to and such powerful tools as... an axe and also a boomerang.
Against a dude that is now buffed up enough to sweep the West Coast Avengers as a team.
Speaking of selves he doesn’t want to talk to, Steven Grant and Jake Lockley both yell that Marc is screwed if he fights that thing.
But another voice pipes up in his head, Khonshu, GOD OF THE MOON.
Moon Knight: “Khonshu?! You speak to me again. But it may be for the last time, unless you can somehow help me beat this creature!”
Khonshu: “You do not need my help, o Knight of the Moon, you need but look around you!”
Moon Knight: “This dimension... I hadn’t realize... it’s full of moons!”
Khonshu: “Indeed! Untold thousands of them. And we draw our power from the Moon! Now be the Moon Knight -- be the Fist of Khonshu as you never have before!”
AND THEN MOON KNIGHT GOES HAM AND TEARS APART THE EXAMINER WITH HIS BARE HANDS
HOLY SHIT
The Slig boss is stunned and shaken and other words. But the technician is now 1001% done.
Slig technician: “Oh, shut up! The power drain has frozen out our safety back-up circuits! Stardrive overheating -- this thing is gonna blow!”
The West Coast Avengers and their Quinjets are snapped back to Earth because the Slig ship can’t maintain the dimension shift.
Wonder Man: “I warned you guys you couldn’t beat my buddies!”
Slig boss: “Be not so smug, Wonder Man! Even now we are transmitting all our test results back to our home base -- with all that data about your race, we will surely find a way to conquer y--”
And then the Slig ship explodes.
Countless light years away, presumably on the Slig homeworld, they receive the data and the report that the expedition to Earth has been destroyed.
Another Slig technician: “Our computers have correlated and interpreted the data -- This, then, is a projection of what the warrior-race called the Avengers look like!”
YOU HAVE PULLED A FAST ONE ON ME AGAIN, A COVER TO A COMIC BOOK!
Ahem.
So. The Slig computers, assuming that the Avengers are one uniform race and not a bunch of different peeps with different abilities, conflates them all into one COMPOSITE AVENGER.
And the Supreme Slig is so freaked out by the mighty Avenger warrior-race that he orders that all Slig fleets must avoid going anywhere near Earth.
It’s nice when things work out.
I’m not sure how Wonder Man in the last panel knows that this is the picture that the Sligs would get. Yeah, it ties into the story he read at the start of the issue but how does he know that this episode of his life would bookend so satisfyingly?
He is so pleased with himself though.
So!
This was definitely a fill-in. Meant to spin the wheels a bit. And its a fun story! Not substantive by any means. Most of the issue is a bunch of fights. There’s not really much in the way of character beats. But its fun to see the Avengers all out-fight or out-wit a dude that’s growing to counter them!
The Examiner is kind of a boring opponent. Doesn’t really have the spectacle of the Super-Adaptoid looking like a mishmash of his opponents and using their powers against them. But he works for this issue as someone for the Avengers to style on.
I’m annoyed that the West Coast Avengers don’t fight a guy that’s a mashup of their powers and aesthetics. That could have been fun.
But I’m not disappointed with the issue we got. And the way the Composite Avenger was actually used was a cute enough take on an old tale.
Plus, the issue had Moon Knight empowered by THOUSANDS OF MOOOOOONS and going ham. I can’t hate that.
Good job, Al Milgrom.
You wrote a hell of a fun story.
Follow @essential-avengers for this post again months or years later, whenever I catch up. Like and reblog if you liked this issue and think other people will like it. Or reblog it to add comments or reactions. I love to hear what people think about these comics.
#avengers#west coast avengers#essential avengers#the Sligs#the Examiner#Hawkeye#Wonder Man#Tigra#Mockingbird#Iron Man#Dr Pym#Hank Pym#Moon Knight#Khonshu#the Vision#Scarlet Witch#horrible nightmare Billy and Tommy#but only as quick cameos at the start#THE POWER OF THOUSANDS OF MOOOOOOOONS#the Composite Avenger#what a goofy looking guy#essential marvel liveblogging
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tagged by @thatoneweirdhumanisback owo! the other post is CRAZY fucking long with the reblog chain so im just separating my own lol
(and im glad u think im cool hehe :3 n i get being afraid to reach out to Cool Online People but if u ever wanna chat with me or somethin im down owo! i swear as a cool as hell person im also Just Some Guy. i contain multitudes JGKBZJF)
Rules: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.
Relationship status: im dating my wonderful girlfriend @ megalo-station :3 shes the best i love her so much ♡♡♡ (also shadow the hedgehog and hiei are both my husbands-)
Favourite colour: pink!!!!!!!!!! hot pink, light pink, dark pink, reddish pink, purplish pink, magenta, bubblegum, fuchsia, i love every kind of pink!!!! pink like this specifically is my fave (this exact color is what i use as my name color on discord owo!):
Favourite food: my fave food of EVERYTHING would be hard to pin down so im gonna go for Categories-
if im going savory, then 1000% pasta. like any kind of pasta is fucking amazing. whether its more like spaghetti, alfredo, ramen, simply buttered, or anything else, im gonna eat the FUCK out of that.
with sweet stuff... ough man i love so many sweets. strawberries are probably my fave fruit, and i love having them added to or dipped in various stuff (like put on cake or in brownies, dipped in chocolate, sugar, or cream cheese, etc).
and i fucking LOVE desserts man. i cant even decide what my fave kind of dessert would be bc whatever id prefer just depends on the moment. cookies, cake, brownies, fudge, cheesecake, its all DELICIOUS. i just recently made some rasbperry brownies and ohhh my goddddd they were so good. mixing fruits with dessert is the gd best. adding coconut to them is Top Tier
Song stuck in my head: its only vaguely in my head atm but animals by architects! i just discovered the song yesterday and i fuckin LOVE it. actually i think im gonna listen to it again now lol. addendum: listened to a couple more songs afterward and now i also have god complex by vira and nightmare by megumi ogata going thru my head
Last thing I googled: well, lol. i was looking up a site i could get a quick pic of the color i put up there ^ and apparently #FE0071 is also some sorta technical number for an electric fuel pump?
Time: it is 1 minute after 2am as i get to this part. i just woke up like an hour or so ago. my sleeps fucked up rn lol (i really dont like waking up this early, i much prefer waking up at like, anywhere between 10am and 2pm)
Dream trip: id love to go to japan someday with my girlfriend- once i actually like. learn some of the language lol. theres so many cool things over there related to series i love n i wanna experience them soooo bad. i HAVE to go inside a pokemon center some day!!!! miku concerts!!! series themed cafes!!! and id LOVE to go to the cat island and fox village, i love those animals sooo much.
Something I want: since im a huuge rouge and kurama kinny and have gotten ear, wings, and tail phantom limbs, i sooo badly want to get these:
tho id be ordering the ears without the lil slices on the ear. but OUGH i want these. so gd fucking badly. once i have these ill be unstoppable. ultimate kinny mode
as for people to tag, uhmmm... perhaps @pinkcatminht @yoko-kurama-the-sex-god @hiei-doesnt-like-waffles if yall wanna? :'3
#do i have a tag for these kinds of posts. i cant remember lol#tag game#anyways thanks for the tag :'3 these r so fun to do
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Johnny Striker
Johnny Striker was a biker.
Johnny Striker killed a hiker.
Bashed his head in with a brick
Cuz he called him a stupid prick.
Never had Johnny been the sharpest tool in God's shed
Didn't matter when any who crossed him wound up dead.
Ran round in '64,
But now he doesn't bike no more.
The blood lingered still so warmly on Johnny's fingers. Absently with a soulless stare he listened to the only sound that lingered in those long forgotten trails he liked to explore.
Drip
Drip.
Drip......
Followed each moment punctually by the splattering of each drop across the blacktop. Still he feels nothing. Not even satisfaction from killing the poor man whose only crime was yelling at a drunk biker who almost ran him down. Always did he feel so ungodly empty. No matter of drug, murder, or mindless fucking seemed to ever satisfy that deep seated desire that hung within him. Bearded face would wrinkle as he inhales sharply through his nose, and spat out a particular thick wad before turning his attention elsewhere.
The poor man was already dead, so Johnny saw a number of goodies that he wouldn't need to be carried with him across the rainbow bridge. Errant swipes of bloodied palms across his leather vest do all they can to clean them off-- Not that he'd been particularly clean before mind you. Hands growing brown from thickening ichor start to pilfer anything shiny or valuable he can glean from the man's personage. Fancy gold watch, wedding band probably worth something, wallet empty of cash, anything else weren't worth dick. It was strange though. Digging around for hidden treasures, hand fully immersed in the man's front pocket. Not something you'd typically expect from a man running on the roadside.
Rough as it was, Johnny just thought it was pretty. Like fogged red glass, uneven twists and edges. Maybe it was a ruby? Uncut? It's a shape Johnny didn't know the name of, and didn't particularly care to learn. If he couldn't sell it maybe he'd keep it. Put it on a necklace. Whatever it had been, didn't mean much anymore, with its former owners skull caved into nothing more than a bloodied mess of fragments and viscera.
Out here in the middle of butt fuck nowhere, he didn't have any fear of the law being on his tail. After fencing whatever he managed to pick up that day he winds up in his room back at he clubhouse. Asshole at the Pawn Shop said his pretty rock was useless.
"Not a real gemstone. Probably just some cut up glass or something. Bottom of a beer bottle maybe."
No, that wasn't true. It was plenty beautiful, and it wasn't just a piece of glass. Even just looking at it, Johnny felt an air of purpose. Like looking upon something divine! It wasn't a feeling he had the words in his vocabulary to describe. Even as he sat on his bed in the dark, with it setting off an ephemeral glow that had been entirely lost upon him, he could almost feel as if he were special for once in his miserable life. Like the hole inside him could finally be filled.
He went to sleep easy that night. But staying so was much harder. Before that night he'd never dreamed all that much, and if he did, it was never something he retained. But early in the morning hour the following day, he awoke in a cold sweat. His body had nearly felt frozen to the bone in spite of the summer heat. Nightmares plagued his unconscious night. Sights of horrible monsters, beings once shaped like humans but now nearly unrecognizable. Twisting, agonizingly writhing in a screaming mass of suffering. Clawing for their lives, but begging for death. Suffering. Life as suffering. And nothing more. It was just a dream, he told himself over and over. Despite how clearly the distorted faces clawed at his mind so clearly, just as their fingers seemed to at reality itself.
In clear defiance of his dark dreams, he dragged himself free from his bed and thin coverings, and dressed for the day. He'd kill someone else if he missed out on Ma Maxine's, the beloved matriarch of their club and wife of the late founder, delicious breakfast. He could almost smell the sausage sizzling as it were, and he could feel his stomach grumble in reply to the thought. Far be it from him to forget snatching his new precious stone to take with him too.
Much of his day drew much the same as the one previous. Riding around the canyon on his hog after breakfast, beer, lunch, darts with Pauly, crashing the drive-in movies with the rest of the guys. Threatening the owner after everyone got all up in arms over a club of good ol' boys hootin' and hollerin' at Two Thousand Maniacs goin' wild on the screen. Spent some time with Arno, fuckin' around with the rock and eventually embedding it in a ring, poorly enough that they had to secure it with glue. Then dinner comes and goes, and he's locked away in his room again. The rock, that he'd affectionately started calling 'Lucy', feels like it's gotten bigger. Something that had only affirmed in his mind that it had been extra special.
So why did he feel empty again? All of that good feeling that had come about that first night? Swept away in a wash of despair and sadness that he'd never felt before. All he could do was think about those faces. No matter what he did or whom he did it with, the nightmare forced itself through the veil of distraction to the forefront of his mind.
Johnny didn't sleep that night. He laid awake under his dirty covers in his ramshackle room, staring at the ceiling without blinking. Sweating away all his nightmarish thoughts.
When morning broke, his eyes had been as dry as they were heavy. But the murderous simpleton was finally starting to forget the sight of those faces. When he stretched his palm to his end table, to gather up the ring he'd fashioned out of 'Lucy', his face drops. When he'd found it, it had been no larger than a pebble. Maybe an inch in diameter. The night previous it had gotten a little bigger, enough to have filled out its presence in the ring. Turning it from a cheap bauble to one of those fancy school rings the boys who actually finished school got. Now? Now it was near the size of a table tennis ball at its greatest width, breaking free of the thin nickel bindings it had been wound in.
You know. He'd slept pretty calmly before he'd found this thing, hadn't he? Eyes were frantic, heavy as they looked at it. Like the way it had shone back at him no longer made him feel special... Maybe Russ was right, he was dumb. So now he was just being dumb. Just forgot how big the rock was-- Or someone was pulling a fast one on him.
Either way, when he left for the day, he decided to not bring it along this time. For all it was worth for a miserable nasty man like Johnny, his day had gotten a little better. Having put the thought of weird rocks from his mind. Things were turnin' 'round for him. Least for a few hours.
On his daily game of darts with his blood brother and bestest friend in the world, Pauly, he could hear the man behind him. Distinctly it had been his voice. Whispering. Muttering. It was Pauly's fault, after all, wasn't it? All those insults he'd supposedly hurled at Johnny that night under his breath. Fat. Stupid. Coward. Weak. All of them acted as the strength behind Johnny's arm as he swung it down, dart in hand, into theface of the other man. Again. Again. And again.
Until Pauly was gone. Johnny a panting mess above his bloody corpse. The bar silent as the trail that first night. All eyes had been on him, until he proudly proclaimed why he did it. No one said a damned thing to him that night. Not as he climbed the stairs to his room, huffing angrily at Pauly who was most certainly not alive to hear.
When his thin plywood door is pushed open, the darkness of the room practically engulfed him. Like an Octopus, he'd thought, feeling the many arms of that abyss ensnaring him, leading him forward. Eyes locked onto the far side of his once safe space, he sees it, not any bigger, but certainly a little brighter. A deep sickly amber. 'Like burnt snot and maple syrup', he'd not so elegantly thought. It was like an eye. Burning him from the inside out, tearing away at his sanity. Johnny made it maybe ten steps, five of which into his room, before he stopped. Trembling.
Johnny slept outside in the cold with the dogs that night. They were always nicer to him anyway.
Yet the dream still had not been. Twisting landscapes of horrible incomprehensible shapes. Skies of unnatural colors, beasts of unsightly origin. They were all things of intrigue lost upon a simple mind such as his. Instead he felt only terror about that he did not understand. The dream was cut short, when he was attacked. A crushing strength that had felt so real. From a figure so much bigger than even him, wings like a bats stretched, claws inches long, and no face. Yet still it shrieked. A horrible sound. Johnny had to defend himself. Thick portly fingers wrapped tight around its throat, fist ramming into the place its face would have been.
But when he woke, he felt cold flesh beneath his hand. Congealed blood hung from his knuckles. Battered, beaten, dead as Pauly... That one almost made him cry, Ma Maxine. Musta been coming to check on him in the middle of the night. Having never known his real ma, she was close as he'd ever come. Made it worse when he had to hide her. Throw her in the grinder, feed her to the dogs. No one would forgive him for that one like they did Pauly.
"Lucy", he thought aloud in his dark room. "Lucy-fer." What had once been a loving tribute to his first wank, had turned against him so coldly. What did he do? What could he do? He wrung his hands together, having found a calmness to his fidgeting in the dark. All the smashing he tried had done nothing. Not even a fracture at the corners. This thing had been the work of the devil. Was he being punished? Was it takin' from him all the good things he had on purpose? Whatever it was doing, he felt it around him. The whispering of old tongues, the primal fear of darkness wisping about in the night air. Sweat poured down his thick features, passing over his furled brow.
Unsure of what to do, of how to handle this fucked up situation that he'd only rotted worse with his own brashness-- He acted without thinking. Digits like sausages wrapped around the girth of the crystalline object, shoving down his throat without another consideration. Through it all he gagged, he choked, and for it he almost couldn't breathe. But eventually it went down. All those dark feelings along with it.
When the rest of the gang wakes the disappointment that hung in the air had been palpable. No eggs. No bacon. No sausage. An empty kitchen and dining hall met their expectations. But their dogs slobbered good by the sound of it.
Unfortunately it wasn't the first time Ma Maxine had gone AWOL, so no one thought too much of it. Usually she packed a bag and rode north to sit at the street corner she'd met Ol' Pa Henry. A conclusion that elated Johnny. Thinking through all measure he'd gotten away with it again. But swallowing that stone turned his guts something fierce. He tried to continue his day as if it were normal. Had a mighty breakfast of moonshine and twinkie, went out for his ride out in the canyon--
But his stomach gurgled. An uncomfortable feeling, like his healthy breakfast didn't quite agree with him. He groaned, he moaned, pausing on the side of the dirt trail and clutching his gut. After some moments of patience and angry screaming though, he set back out.
Darts by himself were so much more fun. Pauly always beat him, now that asshole weren't gonna rub it in his face no more.
It itched. A tickle in the deepest parts of his stomach. Cold. Wet. Sweaty. Stomach hurt.
He skipped lunch. Dinner too. And when the guys had wanted to go out for a movie, he weren't invited. Since Pauly, no one wanted to hang around him anymore. With how strange he was acting that morning, anyone else who had even considered him had written him off as well.
Fine with him. He didn't need 'em anyway. Buncha assholes always ruined his fun anyway, he was more than content to sit back at the club alone in the main hall. He laughed, he poured himself beers, watched re-runs of Lucy. But midway through the third episode of his marathon, it had felt like clawing. Miserable slashing at the inside of his gut. Doubled over the wood of the bar, blood and bile merged in some unholy union of smell and visual was expelled onto the surface. He felt full. Too full.
Johnny, with gloved mitts clutched at his stomach, thought angrily to himself,
"Maybe I shouldn't have ea--"
But that was a thought the Earth would never know in its totality. An explosion of meat and blood showered the bar. The mangled upper half of Johnny Striker hanging from the 'shoulders' of some unholy aberration. Shape far from normal or of this Earth, like mangled road kill glued together. Misshapen and undulating, it stumbled forward. With a sickening thud, Johnny fell to the ground at the monster's hind. It turned 'round to face him, or at least that's what it had felt like. Looking upon those twisted horrified faces. The thing of his dream had grown inside him, and stared at him with the faces of the three lives he'd destroyed. Johnny faded fast, all that blood pouring from his open body.
Life quickly left his eyes, the final thought to ever go through his mind the simple words. "Are them my legs?" As his head lay less than a foot from his dismembered thigh.
No odd or unearthly creature was found upon the return of the gang from their day gallivanting.
Just Johnny laying on the floor. Half ripped apart, head gone, mostly eaten, with the dogs off their leashes runnin' about outside with blood soaked muzzles.
Most made their assumptions.
Met himself a terrible fate
Maybe it were somethin' he ate.
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The Detective Archives Case # 1. Chibi Lee. Character Profile.
Chibi Lee’s Tragic Past
Chibi Lee was sold to the D.H.O.R.K.S. Foundation by his own parents because he was born with demonic-imp-like abilities.
Tortured and abused since he was three years old, by the lead sciencetest and the director of the undisclosed facility. * Sebastian “ Bastion Tybalt who runs the medical bay research facility Attributes
Gold eyes
Tiny black claws/ fangs.
Tattered bat-like wings
Tiny horns perturbing out of his head.
6years old.
Powers/ Abilities
Flight. • Night vision
Teleportation
Fire Resistance
Prehensile Tail
Camouflage
Ocular Illumination
Enhanced agility.
Dream walker: “Can experience other peoples memories through dreams”
Vivid/ horrific premonitions: which often manifest in/as nightmares.
Dreams/Goals
He dreams of being rescued by, the Boss imp and his co-workers from the evil human that continuously treat him like a little monster.
Chibi Lee learns of Blitzo’s tragic past and stumbles across numerous portfolios with a young Blitzo’s face staring back from with the photograph. The imp-child learns of Blitzo while sifting through page yellowed from time. Hidden inside of the Director’s office.
Chibi Lee perceives Blitzo as his father figure.
Facts about Chibi Lee.
Buster the Bull Dog, is a plush toy: Its his most favorite toy and its the only thing that can calm him down.
Blitzo’s purring and heartbeat has the same effect
He feels a deep connection with Blitzo and hates to be separated from him.
Chibi loves Striker’s soft baritone voice as he nestles in Blitzo’s lap pressing an ear to his chest. He watches as the Cowboy strums his guitar While sitting on a twin bed they bought for Chibi. while Blitzo continues to purr, rocking the impling back and forth. .
Striker has to wait until Chibi is asleep before he pries the cub out of Blitzo’s arms
Striker and Blitzo give Chibi Bomb-Shell Bombproofs young colt.
Spindle and Harbinger are Blitzo’s mares.
(Easter egg) There is a picture of a bulldog and blurred image of a child, in (The Cowboy’s heartache.)
Chibi Lee’s parents come back to claim him.
D.H.O.R.K.S. will also be pursuing Blitzo.
Striker and Blitzo won’t let Chibi Lee’s parents see him, or claim him
Blitzo is very attached to Chibi Lee.
Bastion Tybalt makes an appearance.
As the moon drifts in the night skies Chibi Lee “holds Buster” tightly to his chest as he tries to fall asleep. Chibi Lee, listens to the heated conversation going on downstairs. as the gunslinger tries to persuade the Boss imp from turning himself in.
Chibi Lee, and Blitzo share a dream
Chibi could hear Blitzo’s bombastic voice through the grates of the vents where he manifested .
“Now who wants some quality time with daddy” the growl reverberates through the vents.
I thought he was one of ours” one of the agents shouted. Chibi winces hearing the agents being mercilessly slaughtered by a blood-thirsty imp. “Quick! the director wants him! “How the fuck are we supposed to get close to him” another snaps back.
He mustn’t be allowed to escape. “Tranq him!” shouts an agent. “or I’ll have your head!”
“You fuckers aren’t getting out of this alive, so you might as will surrender” Blitzo growls taking out a flame thrower and aiming it at a group of agents.
Chibi can hear the agents being slaughtered. while another group of D.H.O.R.K.S. cower in fear as an elongated shadow befalls them. An eerie hiss catches the implings ears. but his eyes are solely focused on the Boss imp who seems to have some unquestionable ties to D.H.O.R.K.S.
The tall silhouette of a cowboy with his arm spread wide, his revolvers aimed at their heads as blood- splatter sprays against the vents.
He could hear the imp’s cackle as the Boss imp slit the throat of an agent, then snaps another agent’s neck before sinking a bullet into a female agent’s head. Chibi could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. his tiny fingers wrap around the crates.
The need to be known overtakes him. no one can see him up here. He needs to get to Blitz. he calls out his name trying to teleport away.
Meanwhile Blitzo and Striker continue on their path of carnage. Chibi-Lee’s eyes are locked on the fire-imp’s. he keeps screaming. “I’m up here! I’m up here!” but its like he is watching a silent movie play out on screen.
Desperate to be seen, Chibi Lee bangs on the vents. tears well in his eyes threatening to fall. as he uses his tail to tug on the bars. nothing seemed to working. his mind was a chaotic mess he is unable to use some of his powers due to the drugs the agents have given him.
Chibi Lee experiences vivid and often traumatic hallucigentic nightmares that would leave him with sleep paralysis.
His nightmares’ would consist of his time in the medic bay under the supervision of “Bastion Tybalt the sounds of his torture would echo in his head.
The grinding sounds of medical equipment.
It isn’t until Blitzo leads the rest of D.H.O.R.K.S down a long stretch of narrow corridors. Shooting anyone who dares open one of the sliding doors. in the head. Does Striker glance up.
Chibi Lee tries again. “maybe I can use my tail to get their attention” he thinks frowning as Blitzo took off running the opposite direction. The cowboy, glances up seeing a silhouette of an impling peering out through the crates of the vents.
It was there first case one that Striker would never forget as long as he lives.
Striker, the snake imp cowboy was too late. by the time he arrived he stumbles across Blitzo’s path of carnage. “Bastion Tybalt had lured Blitzo into an ambush by kidnapping Chibi Lee. The corridors were lined with dead bodies, the putrid stench of death told him everything.
Blitz… Blitz… Blitzy! answer me damnit! where are you!. Striker shouted. ”Chibi… Chibi Lee…” Silence echoes the corridors…
Striker makes his way down the lengthy corridor kicking in every door he came across, bodies in every room. No sign of Blitzo… No sign of chibi Lee… Finally, he arrives inside the holding containments. faces of children are pressed up against the glass. some were pounding on the glass, others were slumped in the corner. Striker snarls under his breath gritting his teeth.
He didn’t want to admit he was scared. He was in deep, in unknown territory, behind enemy lines. His partner was missing. ”His impling too” his heart seem to quicken. He needed to find them, he needed to find them fast and then get the hell out of there. He didn’t like this place. A place that Blitzo knew all too well. But he wasn’t alone. The Director had called in a new platoon of D.H.O.R.K.S. Agents and it was only a matter of seconds before he was found.
Suddenly he stopped, still as a stone as he caught sight of a trail of blood, smeared down the corridor. The bleak, dark shadows seem to crawl inching closer to the Cowboy. Something bad had happened. A life taken. With a stoic expression on his face Striker walked the looming corridors. Large scratch marks ran across the blood splattered walls.
Striker runs the dead silence was unnerving. Every turn he made lead to another disturbing discovery. As his desperation grew. He knew his Mate had been captured. his impling subjected to torturous experiments.
His was running wild with possibilities.
It took him longer than he had anticipated. He stopped cold, his heart plummets. he finds himself at a dead end with a giant bloodstain, a piece of Blitzo’s jacket. His eyes continue to scan the area looking for something he might’ve missed. A secret panel, a hidden door. a secluded room.
He didn’t want to lose hope. he didn’t want to admit he failed as a partner, as a lover. He continuously smashes his fist into the white marbled walls. until they start to crumble away. squinting through the fallen debris. a faint light catches his eye.
Striker’s eyes narrow as he trudges forward into the unknown.
“Where the fuck have you been!” Blitzo voice greets him as he smashes his fist into another D.H.O.R.K.S. agent’s face.
“I told you to stay home with Chibi” Striker snarls. “ Chibi teleported, I don’t know where he is” Blitzo grits back as a metal object smashes into his head. Blitzo’s eyes widen in surprise as he pushes a rabid child out of the way. Striker turns to see the impling with a strange hue in his eyes. - Blitzo’s body crumbles, as Striker rushes over to him.
- The Cowboy’s head turns hearing Chibi Lee’s pain-filled screams, as Chibi is smashed against the wall. by another kid who is under the influence of D.H..O.R.K.S. Striker sneers as he gathers Blitzo in his arms. A rabid child attacks, leaping on the Cowboy’s back forcing the imp-snake to drop Blitzo. he could feel, little fangs sink into his neck. He reaches back, gripping the kid by the nape of his neck and smashing him against the wall. His eyes widen when he realizes its Chibi Lee. - While the Cowboy is preoccupied with the impling. The Director dashes out of his office, snatching Blitzo off the floor and fleeing down the main corridor. flanked by his cohorts. Tears form in Chibi-Lee’s face, as he cries out loud. ”Let me go asshole!” Blitzo gripes. “I told you to leave him the fuck alone asshole” Blitzo bites down hard on the director’s shoulder, but is surprised when his grip only tightens and he runs faster. “What the fuck!” Blitzo snap Agent One sneers. as Blitzo is brought to an observation room. We have plans for you little demon” he growls. - You’ve caused his quite the headache Blitz” Agent Two chimes in. - “This won’t hurt, we’re planning on moving you, to a new undisclosed location. “Bastion says. taking out a syringe and lift’s Blitzo’s shirt. inserting a six inch needle into his stomach. Blitzo reaches out gripping Bastion. feeling the prick of the needle. Agent One moves forward but Bastion holds up a hand as Blitzo falls back in pain. - “How long has it been, three decades, that we found you wondering the alleys. lost and alone. hugging yourself and calling out to your papa. Blitzo swallows hard as he eyes the agents. - Bastion Tybalt leans over the medical table. “will I’m here son”
> Go see if the others need your help agents. “I have this under control. The snake-imp, is becoming a pest dispose of him quickly. Bastion orders. - Blitzo hisses in pain, shooting up he grips the lapels of the director’s medical coat and slams him against the wall. His tail coming up to slap Bastion in the face. his hand grips Bastion’s as his vison fluxuates “Damn you, you son of a bitch!” Blitzo snarls. The Moment Agent one leaves the observation chambers., that were located in the basement. Along with a large furnace. The Cowoboy leaps up onto his back, taking his knife he presses the edge to the agent’s neck. Several darts come flying out of the shadows striking the Outlaw in multiple spots. - Fear. potent fear, spread through Chibi Lee as he transported away, the drug they had given him had warn off. Now peering out , through the safety of the vents. - Striker tries to keep himself awake, slapping his face. ”Where did they take Blitz” ”Why can’t I think straight!” “B, extends his sincerest apologies Agent 2. snarks. But you can watch him being loaded up on this. Agent 2, approaches the snake imp, gripping a fist full of hair she pulls his head up. and takes out a small cam. A group of agents were loading a gurney into a black, unmarked van. Striker’s bronze colored ring gleamed out from underneath the sheet. ”You Bitch!, what have you done!” Striker growls slamming Agent two into the wall. Over the com, just before he slips out of consciousness Striker could hear “Subject secured” by one of the unnamed agents. .
Two hours later
As the compound grew heavy with silence.
”No!, No!” this isn’t supposed to happen. Were supposed to be happy!” Chibi cries. ”Who is that” Chibi thought. tensing at the sound of spurs jingling, and the ominous sound of a fizzing rattle.
Striker groans slowly coming to. “No, not him, anyone but him” he thought as he his sharp claws dug into the concreate. Striker bent his head down as the sound of a gatling gun winds down.
“What are you doing here shadow dweller?’ the wrangler hisses. “Stay away from him, he choose me” The Cowboy assassin knelt down before his lighter counterpart.
“You can’t even take care of yourself, what makes you think you are capable of saving him?” Peach Fuzz, I’m doing you a favor. I’m doing you both a favor. setting aside our blood feud to bring home Scarecrow’s missing nephew.
“Drake!” Striker hisses. As the grey skinned serpent reaches out gripping the Outlaw by his horns and wrenching his head up. So he was staring into the burning embers of his coal black eyes.
While I was running down some leads. I found some special operatives that I could use” Drake hisses. I’d like you to meet them, you know them well Striker. They’ve been spying on you for me for quite some time.
Two boys appear beside the Shadow dweller. Their own personal plushies in hand. ”I knew I couldn’t get Blitz alone so I needed some help, someone who could nestle in and nudge him onto the right path.
Oscar and Butch appears beside him. ”Hello Striker” Oscar’s was void of emotion.
“Where’s Blitz?” ”How much time has passed?. ”The impling!” ”Calm down peach fuzz, the child isn’t too far away” ”We’ve managed to bide some time, by slitting their tires” Drake told him. ”We” Striker hisses. ”You honestly think I’d venture into the human world alone, my brothers are always near,
The moment our frail true has come to an end I will have you're head”
“I saw the director usher in a gurney with a body strapped to it” Butch spoke. ”He is still in the building for now”
”Where’s Chibi?” Striker demands. ” Probably hiding in the vents, that impling couldn’t handle conflict.” ”Because your scaring him!, Idiot, you know how close he is to Blitz” Striker growls before tackling the child to the floor and pinning him to the ground.
“Get off me right now! Striker or I will… but before Oscar could finish his sentence Striker beats the crap out of him.
”Stop!, stop it now!, we can’t be fighting each other!” Drake snaps. Striker looks up his knuckles are bloodied. A look a betrayal washed over Striker’s face. Oscar was one of Blitzo’s favorites. The Scarlet devil had taken the child under his wing and taught him everything he knew.
Oscar was jealous of Chibi Lee. And to see, Oscar turn his back on the family who opened up the hearts and home to the wayward child was disappointing.
The sun-kissed serpent was still fighting off the drugs he could barely walk, so he found himself at the Darling mercy.
“We’re gonna find Blitz, and your pathetic little impling. We our going to work together to scour this place. The remaining agents haven’t gotten far. There are only a handful of places we haven’t checked. The Long Shadow informed.
#Hellvua Boss#Fanfiction#Striker/Blitzo#Drake/Blitzo#The Detective Archives.#Bastion Harlow (OC)#Chibi Lee (OC: belongs to Allysshanner)#Art by Vivika Turrn#and Allysshanner.#wip
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Can u make mc is the actual owner of Cerberus when he was a pup but villagers killed him because they thought that he was a monster and what how would the brothers and the undateable react to that when mc started to cry when she saw Cerberus headcanons
Oh Beans! I totally spaced when reading this and only have the brothers.
I'll post what I have here right now, but this will also be on AO3, so if you keep checking/subscribe there, you'll get a notification when I've added the undateables! It might not be for a while though, since I'm about to start school again ^-^;;
Who's a Good Boy?
The Guard Dog of the House of Hades. A vicious, three-headed hellhound that only the fallen Morningstar himself could command. Unfathomably massive. Devourer of demons, angels, and humans alike. Notoriously difficult to groom.
That is Cerberus, Lucifer’s extremely volatile pet named after a figure from Greek mythology for reasons no one truly understands. The creature has struck fear into the hearts of its housemates, and the Devildom at large, for what feels like ages.
So when MC cries upon seeing the wolf-dog for the first time, none of the brothers are especially surprised. How could a human cross such a monster’s path and live, after all?
Except those who weep in fear usually don’t then barrel full-tilt into one of the monster’s furry legs, babbling incoherently about how they thought they’d never see him again.
One of Cerberus’ heads leans down to the human, and the brothers panic, fearing the worst. It opens its mouth, revealing razor sharp fangs—
And licks MC’s entire body in a saliva-filled canine kiss. Now covered in tears and drool, MC laughs as they shake themself off, teasing the hellhound by saying that they already showered today, thank you very much.
“So, did you miss me as much as I missed you?” they ask, giving Cerberus’ central head some under the chin scritches (the only part of its head they can currently reach).
Cerberus boofs loudly, enormous tail waving back and forth at an increasingly hazardous pace.
Lucifer
What.
Lucifer is dealing with a Lot right now. He almost lost the exchange student to his own dog, except apparently Cerberus used to belong to MC?! How?!
He orders Cerberus to back away from the human, part of him still convinced that this is somehow a combination of MC being mistaken and Cerberus playing with its food, but the hellhound actually growls at him and picks MC up by the back of their shirt, tossing them onto its back.
MC, in response, finds new places to scritch.
He stares at the scene for a few minutes, unable to process what his life has become.
Later, once Cerberus finally agrees to let MC leave, they explain to him that Cerberus used to be a puppy in the human world.
Obviously, he was immediately noted as strange due to his three heads, and the people of MC’s village believed him to be an omen of death. MC themself didn’t care, and just saw “lil’ Cerb” as a puppy like any other, albeit an exceptionally drooly one.
He used to be more or less normal dog-sized, but it quickly became obvious that Cerberus was growing fast, and would be much larger than even a wolf by the time he was done. He also became harder and harder to hide.
Unfortunately, one night they awoke to poor Cerberus being chased out into the night by a mob, never to return.
They assumed the worst, mourned, and got on with their life as best as they could. But seeing Cerberus— they knew it was the same dog as soon as they saw him — brought all those emotions right back to the surface.
It’s not hard to adapt to these strange circumstances. Lucifer is actually quite relieved to have someone who is both willing and able to safely help him in caring for Cerberus, and both MC and the hellhound delight in each other’s company.
Lucifer also won’t deny the pride he feels upon seeing MC, the one he loves, getting along so well with his son dog.
Mammon
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The P A N I C of seeing MC within bite-chomp-murder-kill distance of Cerberus nearly killed Mammon.
What the hell is he supposed to do against that furball?! MC’s dead meat, a chew toy, he can’t save them again—
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY D O I N G ? !
Torn between passing out from fear and yelling about how brave and cool HIS human is!
So he kinda just… stands there, slack-jawed, as MC finds a spot on the creature that makes it thump its leg so hard the ground shakes.
Already he’s cooking up ways to use MC’s Cerberus-taming powers to get into all kinds of Shenanigans
Except he quickly learns that while Cerb is much more gentle with MC, it won’t let them distract it from its duties.
Has this resulted in MC semi-unwillingly riding Cerberus as it chases a terrified Mammon throughout the Devildom? Possibly~
Though when MC explains to Mammon how Cerberus used to be their dog, and what had happened to him… He can’t help but feel a touch more sympathetic to the hellhound.
Only a little bit though. It still does try and tear him apart whenever he gets too close, after all.
Leviathan
Levi’s fear metamorphoses into awe much faster than the others’. MC LOOKS SO COOL!! Riding the mighty Cerberus like a steed!
He desperately wishes he had the art skills to capture this iconic moment forever. But alas, a camera will have to do.
It’s a pretty good picture, the comparatively small human sitting on Cerberus’ back like something straight out of a fantasy novel. Levi even has a shot of them accidentally scritching a spot that makes Cerberus breathe fire (like a furry dragon!)
100% gets super emotional when MC tells him how they originally had— and lost— Cerberus as a puppy. It reminds him of his precious Henry 1.0 in some ways…
Begs MC to let him post the photos he took, along with their story as the caption. It’s just too good! It’s exactly like that arc in My Adventurer Boyfriend Keeps Adopting the Monsters He Beats in Combat and Now We’re Running Out of Space to Keep Them!
Like Mammon, Levi also quickly learns that just because he unlocked Cerberus’ tragic backstory, doesn’t mean that the hellhound will treat him any differently.
But sometimes, after a long “walk” with MC, the massive creature will be mostly asleep. And then, his hand shaking, MC will guide Levi to pet Cerberus’ flank. Its tail swishes softly, Levi’s own swaying in response.
Satan
He shakes his head and laughs, torn between relief, awe, shock, and lingering horror for MC’s safety. Of course they can tame even the ferocious Cerberus…
Guess all sorts of angry monsters like MC, huh?
He definitely wants to hear the story of MC owning Cerberus in the past, but first he’s going to drink in the absolutely dumbfounded expression on Lucifer’s face.
Toooootally doesn’t cry upon hearing MC’s story with Cerberus. No way, he’s still a cat person, he swears!
...No one is allowed to comment on Satan’s various burn injuries that occur over the next few weeks.
Not if they don’t want to be left with worse.
Asmodeus
OH SHIT!! Also, ewwwww
Once the fear for MC’s safety subsides, Asmo can appreciate the cuteness and hilarity that is MC with Cerberus. Truly no one is immune to their charms it seems, and their affections know no bounds.
...Is it that same quality that allows MC to continue to care for him and his brothers despite their past actions?
Asmo claims that the smoke from Cerberus’ fire breath is getting into his eyes, prompting him to leave. He has a good long stare-at-a-wall crisis for a bit.
Learning MC and Cerberus’ story only makes him mushier. Their tragedy got a happy ending after all!
As much as he loves MC’s charms, he still insists that they de-drool themself before touching him or any of his things. It stinks like brimstone!
Now if they need any help getting clean… That he can oblige~
Beelzebub
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH part 2
As one of the physically stronger brothers, when Lucifer’s not available it’s Beel’s job to groom Cerberus. He knows how dangerous that mutt is.
But apparently not for MC “Knows No Fear” over there!
As Cerberus continues to remain docile in MC’s presence, Beel starts to appreciate the cuteness of a human and their giant hellhound.
Unabashedly mushy upon hearing MC’s story about Cerberus. The themes of losing a loved one, only to find them much later in a new form… it kinda hits a little close to home for him.
(It’s not a perfect analogy: Beel knows MC isn’t Lilith, but having them as part of her legacy is undeniably cathartic. It’s why he doesn’t share these exact feelings with them, since he knows they’re uncomfortable with being compared to her excessively. Still, he can’t help but note the comparison.)
Naturally, he’s also very happy to have a very useful partner for grooming Cerberus. That living nightmare turns into an overgrown puppy whenever MC’s around. It’s much easier, and much safer, to work with this way.
Plus, it means he gets some quality time with MC! And there’s nothing quite like the fond smiles they share with him during these moments.
Belphegor
He has got to be dreaming. No way is this actually happening— nope, Mammon just stepped on his foot, and that hurt, he’s awake.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Does MC not fear death? Is that it? Did that part of their brain just completely shut down when he killed them?!
Unlike the others, he can’t really shut down his panic. Sure, right now Cerberus is acting all cuddly, but that could change on a dime. That dog only listens to Lucifer, and right now all Lucifer is doing is staring gormlessly at it!!!
He nearly loses his hand trying to pull MC away from the creature (which it naturally did Not appreciate).
“Belphie, wait! It’s okay,” MC reassures him even as smoke blows out of Cerberus’ nostrils.
They explain their history with the hellhound, how they rescued it as a puppy and then lost it to the angry and frightened people of their village.
Belphegor can’t help but recall their expression when he told them about his imprisonment, the outrage there mingling with a much older emotion. Is that why they were so quick to help him?
He’s still wary of Cerberus. He refuses to be fooled by any facades the creature may be putting up.
But one day, MC invites him to one of their “playdates”. Cerberus watches him like a hawk, growling when he first approaches, but MC just shushes and soothes the monster until it allows him closer.
And maybe, after a few tense minutes, the pair begin to relax around each other.
And maybe, Lucifer has a picture of MC and Belphegor curled up in Cerberus’ fur as the three take a mid-afternoon nap.
And maybe, Belphegor lets him keep it.
#obey me#obey me headcanons#obey me imagines#obey me cerberus#obey me scenarios#mine#my writing#lucifer#mammon#leviathan#satan#asmodeus#beelzebub#belphegor#mc
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I have and idea for what could happen after Mikey posts the video of Danny's rad dancing. Its not canon compliant but I don't care.
Danny's popularity at school gets a temporary boost. And it's not because of who he's dating or him being bribed as a judge. People are just impressed with his dance moves and with how "fly" he looked in that retro outfit.
That video of Danny dancing could lead to the drama club inviting/begging Danny to join. Perhaps for a specific character, like Bonejangles for their high school rendition of Corpse Bride (Tim Burton movie), and be the lead for the song Remains of the Day. If that goes well he could be the leading man for their next play, maybe as Jack Skeleton in the christmas play, high school rendition of The Nightmare Before Christmas (famous Tim Burton movie).
Just because Danny can dance is no guarantee that he can also sing or act. But, assuming he had those talents or willingness to learn them, with that ghost wail of his he could project like nothing else. And if he could channel the confidence and charisma and presence he feels when he's Phantom, that would help him get into those characters.
What if Danny was such a talented and impressive theater geek that he could get the A-listers to cheer?
his wail affecting his voice in a theatre role is a rad concept I love it
also yeah damn he would be a phenomenal actor because he has to lie about shit constantly without batting an eye and he's used to playing a 'character' in both his forms
the only hiccup is that I cannot imagine him being able to juggle rehearsals with his ghost hunting, like I'm just imagining he gets roped into maybe one play that he can't get out of because of shenanigans (maybe it's for extra credit or something I dunno, is that how 'extra credit' works?? I don't actually know what it means outside of convenient plots points in movies)
and he's just so good at it that he has all of the theatre kids on his tail constantly harassing him into joining, or at least into teaching them his methods because holy shit how do you project your voice like that? WHAT'S YOUR SECRET???
and he's just like internally screaming because having to deal with ghosts fast enough to get back to rehearsals on time was a fucking nightmare and he was NOT interested in doing that again
it would absolutely not stop the theatre kids tho and they will take literally any chance they can get to rope him into a performance, probably including threats and/or bribes, some of which may actually end up working (when someone offers to do all of his overdue assignments he would be a fool not to consider it)
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PLS CAN WE GET A PART TWO ON THE SIREN FIC LIKE AFTER READER TURN SHIGARAKI INTO A SIREN TOO???????? i loved that fic so much omg you write so well !!
Oh im so glad you liked it! I had a really fun time making that one!
~~~
Title: Deeper In the Waves
Tomura Shigaraki x Siren!F!Reader
Warnings: Death, angst, mentions of past sex, blood/gore, spoilers for MHA, jealous reader, fluff? Theres gonna be a part three cause there was more I wanted to add I just didn't want to make it confusing for you guys that's why it took me so long to get it out haha
~~~
It's cold.
All Shigaraki remembers is one moment he's having sex with a hot siren chick and the next he's getting dragged to the deepest parts of the ocean. No time for him to scream for help or even get air. He can remember the burning feeling of water filling his lungs. It was the most painful thing he's ever experienced.
His entire life had flashed before his eyes as he was dragged farther and farther to the ocean floor until everything went black. Remembering how close he was to destroying hero society. Remembering that fateful night his family had returned to nothing but ash and blood. Meeting and starting the league. Kidnapping that annoying brat Bakugou and everything in between.
All of it gone with a second.
So when Shigaraki opened his eyes to find so many unfamiliar faces looking at him he panicked and tried running away only to realize it wasn't doing him any good. They all gave him a questionable glance.
"This is who she chooses to be her mate? Him?" One of the sirens talked to the other in hushed voices. You hated humans so why did you take one down here? Many sirens didn't understand but they had heard of Shigaraki's powers and were quickly on board with the entire thing. With someone as powerful as him, catching humans and finding safe spaces to stay was so much easier.
Shigaraki's eyes widen at the word 'mate'. He flipped his head around to look at the siren who said it before looking down and seeing that he no longer had legs.
"What the fuck?! Where are my legs?!" Instead of legs, a beautiful pitch-black tail was in its place. Scales shiny enough to glimmer in just the right light.
"Don't worry (Y/N) will be back soon to help you." The sound of your name brought a deep rage to bubble inside him.
"(Y/N)?! Where is she?!" His voice boomed in the siren's ears when it hit them. Many sirens have done this before so it was nothing new. It just seemed this human had more of a tongue than the other humans who they converted.
"Calm down. She should be back in about 5 minutes. In the meantime, do you want to learn how to actually move instead of struggling like a fish caught in a net?" One of the sirens offered. Of course, they were going to be a safe distance away from him. His power or 'quirk' worked on humans so it wouldn't be surprising if it also worked on sirens. They also didn’t really know if it stayed with him after being converted.
"I don't want help from any of you! I want to go home! I need to leave!" This couldn't be happening. He was having a horrible nightmare. There's no way that this could be actually happening to him.
"I'm very sorry but once you've been turned there's no way home. You can have a human form but you need to be back into the water in 20 minutes or there are terrible consequences." Many sirens started trying to console the newest member of the pod but it seemed like he wasn't listening which was fair. They expected such a reaction just not as huge as this one.
"Do you guys just do this for shits and giggles?! Fuck all of you!" Shigaraki tried to extend his arms to touch one of them but each siren quickly moved away. They all looked at each other and nodded.
"Here's what we'll do. We'll leave you alone, and you can wait for (Y/N)." Before Shigaraki could even respond all the sirens left him alone. He finally got to take a look at his surroundings. Taking a better look at everything, it seemed to be in an underwater cave. It was pretty he'd admit but the most unsettling thing was all the human remains that covered the floor of the cave. Some still with a bit of decaying meat on their bones.
Sure he may have killed people but when it came to him, they would simply disappear into bloody ash. Seeing people decaying bones with their faces still screaming gave him a horrible shiver as he felt as if every single one of them were staring at him, asking him why this had happened to them.
Shigaraki tried to 'swim' away but due to his lack of training. All he was doing was stirring up the bottom of the cave, making the dust fly all around him as he lost his sense of vision and coordination. He could feel the dirt enter his mouth and cover his body.
He opened his eyes for a second only to see a single skull right in front of his face. He let out a scream as he desperately wanted out of this cave.
“Shigaraki? Are you in there-oh jeez!” Your voice filled the cave as he tried to look for your figure but couldn’t see anything with all the dust surrounding him.
“Stop moving I’ll get you out of here!” He felt your cold hand grab his arm as you yanked him out of the cave and into the open water.
Once he was out of the cave is when he truly realized that he didn’t know the way home. There was no ocean bottom he could see and nothing around for miles it seemed like. Just clear open water.
“What the hell was that?! Where the hell am I?!”
“Your in the training grounds. Newly converted sirens get trained here. At least how to sim at first. There are many courses you have to go through.”
“Well, news flash I don’t want to be a siren! What the hell is wrong with you and these freaks!” You knew this was the expected outcome, but you weren’t gonna tolerate him calling the only family you’ve ever known freaks.
“Now you listen here Shigaraki.” You say swimming over to him. Grabbing his arms and pinning them to his side.
“You are to never call my family freaks again or I’ll make sure your our next meal.” Or course he didn’t know that you’d never do that but what he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt nobody.
Shigaraki just looked at you with hatred as he tried struggling to get out of your grip. He didn’t really process the strength sirens really had.
“Do you understand me Shigaraki?” Knowing he was out of his element he nodded his head yes in defeat. This seemed to have put a smile on your face as you gave him a kiss on the forehead in approval.
“Okay then. Let’s get started.”
~~~
It had only been a few months since his life was suddenly ripped away from him. Everything he had worked hard for was gone. He didn’t even know how the league was doing or what their reactions were to him missing.
So there he laid. On the same rock that sealed his fate that wretched day. The waves were calm as he heard the sounds of people talking and little children yelling. He rolled over onto his stomach as he moved his arms and positioned them to be makeshift pillows. He laid his head on his arms as his eyelids grew heavy. He let out a loud sigh before it went dark.
“Yo Shigaraki where you’ve been buddy? We’ve been looking all over the place!” A familiar scarred face looked him in the eyes as one of his hands placed itself on Shigaraki’s shoulder.
“You won’t believe what happened to me! But what’s going on with everything? What did I miss?!” Shigaraki had a sickening feeling that all his hard work would be gone and he’d have to start all over.
“Don’t worry everything is still the same. But we have been talking to the Shie Hassakai in some sort of partnership. Now that you know what’s going on, I believe you owe us an explanation.” And explain he did.
At first glance, no one believed him but once they saw his face and how detailed he told the story is was concerning that it was. Sirens in Japan? A cave of human bones that have been decaying for decades? The siren chick that made this all happen? They all listened in shock as Shigaraki looked like he was about to have a panic attack. But just as he did an unrecognizable look spread across Shigaraki’s face.
“How good are you guys at swimming? Cause we have a new target.”
Just as soon as he fell asleep, loud splashes woke Shigaraki up from his dream. Once he opened his eyes he noticed that instead of a sunny calm day, it had turned into a hellfire of a nighttime storm. Whitecaps were everywhere as waves splashed against the rocks.
'Shit I should probably get back.' Shigaraki ducked under the waves and quickly started to swim his way to his new home. He could hear the sounds of the waves hitting each other and even the booming of lighting under the water. A worry took over him as he realized that this was his actual first storm as a siren.
Not to mention he'd always had trouble navigating the area at night so that's why he never goes out at night or any time near it. He must have fallen asleep for longer than he originally planned.
The water started to get darker and darker to the point where he couldn't see anything. North felt like South and East felt like West. The darkness surrounding him felt suffocating as he feared for the worse. He began to scratch at his neck profusely. Even as a siren he took that trait with him. And to his happiness, his quirk too.
Funny enough, his quirk had got the attention of other sirens, much to your displeasure. One time he had decayed the bottom of a ship cause it was a little too big for all the sirens to get a meal.
Once the bottom of the ship decayed and it started to sink, a female siren came over to him and begin to compliment him on his work. It was obvious that she had an attraction to him. On the back of every siren is a dorsal fin that started at the middle of their shoulder blades and ended right at the top of the pelvis. When a siren is attracted or aroused by something, the fin tends to move.
So when the female siren had taken an interest in him, he could tell. While she wasn't as pretty as you, he'd gladly fuck her just for a chance to get back at you for what you've done to him. he would have to if it weren't for said siren trying to fight you for the right to call him their mate.
Turns out said siren was a newly converted human too cause she didn't stand a chance against your strength and skill. She was quickly turned into a corpse and he saw her sink to the bottom of the ocean. This was a very obviously fucked up 'family'. Apparently, he still had a lot to learn when it came to lovers and duels.
After that many were afraid to show even the littlest interest in him. According to one of the other sirens, he was the only mate you've ever had. That could have been what caused such an overreaction that lead him to be a siren.
A hand wrapping around his arm tugged him out of his thoughts as he was getting dragged through the waters forcefully, but the grip made sure it was light and not hurting him. His red eyes squinted to get a better look at his helper only to see your familiar (h/c) hair.
It only took about 5 minutes to get to the cave where almost everyone was sleeping, except for a few sirens who were to keep guard and switch up every few hours. You took him to the very back of the cave. You turned around and grabbed him by the face and had a worried expression.
"Are you okay? I got so worried when you didn't come back on time. I was worried you got lost at sea considering it's your first real storm as a siren." You took one hand off his face as you brushed some of his hair behind his ear.
A weird feeling took over Shigaraki's body. A warm fuzzy feeling that he hasn't felt in a long time. He had shut his eyes and unintentionally leaned into your clawed ones. You rubbed his cheek as you looked at him with fondness in your eyes. You pressed a kiss to his lips before putting your forehead against his.
"Come on, let's go lay down. Let's hope the storm is gone by tomorrow." You led him to lay down beside you as you wrapped your arms around him tightly. Thinking that he might escape if you let go. His head was laying on your chest as he let out a little sigh.
"And if it isn't?"
"Well guess it's a good time to help you navigate stormy weather." You chuckle before closing your eyes in which Shigaraki soon followed.
#shigaraki x reader#tomura shigaraki x reader#tomura shigaraki#mha shigaraki#shigaraki tomura#shiggy#shigaraki tomura x reader#mha tomura#tomura shiragaki#mha#bnha
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Sins of the Savage Stable: SE, What the Fuck Is That?
*pushes glasses up nose* Hello, everyone, DT’s Horse Girl Past got unlocked so y’all are about to get subjected to a rant I have sat upon for four goddamn years about the travesty that is the in-game model for horses in Critically Acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV Etc., Etc., as egged on by my FC and our friends, because we’ve got a lot of Former Horse Girls And/Or Grew Up On A Farm people in our server.
DISCLAIMER: THE OPINIONS CONTAINED HEREIN ARE MY OWN. I am neither a game designer nor a veterinarian. I did, however, possess a great love of horses from a young age, owned (and still own) a shit ton of books about horses, horse breeds, equine anatomy, and related topics, on top of learning to ride and care for horses as a young preteen. I am very familiar with what constitutes a happy, healthy horse in terms of both behavior and appearance. In addition, I am aware that art styles can take short-cuts with precise anatomy, and I am not expecting exact realism from a video game. This is a post intended to be humorous, but also share my exasperation when stylistic choices veer into uncanny valley.
Get your booze, let’s begin!
First and foremost, here is an example of a real world horse and its anatomy:
(Source: “Equine Anatomy,” Wikipedia. This is quite frankly one of the better examples on the internet; isn’t too cluttered, keeps the important bits, and the horse’s head is facing forward so you can get a better sense of proportion.)
And here is the model of horse used in game for the following models: all six mount drops from the ARR primals; Kirin (though it uses a head inspired by Chinese qirin); the horses on the Azim Steppe; Unicorn; Nightmare; Pegasus; Night Pegasus; and Incitatus:
(Source: Me.)
I’ve used the Unicorn here as it doesn’t have any obnoxious glow effects that can district. As a side note: the Sleipnir, Juedi, and Red Hare mounts have a slightly different model but appear to be based off the same frame. Ixion appears to have a custom model. All four have their own issues, but we’ll get to that a little later.
So, what’s wrong? Let’s start from the hindquarters and work our way forward.
THE TAIL
*shudders*
The root of the tail is called the dock, and is where the coccygeal vertebrae extend from out of the horse’s body to create the tail from which all that lovely flowing hair grows. It is just above the anus, and, as we see in our friend in the first image, is located on the downward slope of the hindquarters. In some breeds, the dock can be a little bit higher, but generally nothing extreme.
On the SE model, the tail is directly on top of the croup. The spine has basically exited the body at an abrupt forty-five degree angle UPWARD. It is TOO HIGH. It is TOO FAR BACK. And I have to STARE DIRECTLY AT THIS SIN EVERY TIME MOUNT ROULETTE GIVES ME A PONY. All of the horse models do this. I try not to think about how pooping must suck.
THE HINDQUARTERS
Honestly these aren’t too bad. Proportions are pretty much correct; the gaskin (upper leg) is, to my eye, a little too curved, and the hock too knobbly. That said, I can live with it. The stifle (basically the knee, the articulation point between femur and tibia) could be more defined, croup except for the tail appears the right shape, flanks are okay... The barrel is a little too round, but the hind end and middle could be a lot worse, honestly..
THE FORELEGS
WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
THIS IS AN ABOMINATION BEFORE THE EYES OF GOD.
The forearm is TOO SHORT. The cannon bone is TOO LONG. The knees are thus in COMPLETELY THE WRONG SPOT. And worse then that:
The knees. Are. BACKWARDS!!!
*slowly rocks back and forth* Friends, I cannot tell you the sound of absolute disgusted horror that left my mouth in Spring 2017 when I did my first pony farm and got Xanthos and summoned it. Oh my god. Ohhhhhh my god. Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ.
Every Horse Person I know who has seen those forelegs just. Screams. Or throws up in their mouth. It ain’t right. It is just. It is SO WRONG.
Just. Just no. If I saw a horse looking like this in real life, I’d be attempting to murder the breeder for animal cruelty. This is appalling.
THE HEAD
*puts head on table and sighs for a year*
So. Chances are you’ve heard of the Arabian; it’s a very, very old breed of horse, and they’re known for their dished faces: a slight concavity to their face. There are a great many Arabian bloodlines and strains these days, each of which promotes a different version of the breed that it’s pretty difficult to define what a “quintessential” Arabian horse should look like.
I am very certain SE modelers were looking at what an FC mate called the Extremely Overbred Arabian: a horse bred solely for its looks, exaggerating the shape of the face into such a narrow wedge that quite frankly it looks uncanny and freakish, no longer like a horse, and while there have been no formal studies I can find, has led some people to be concerned about health and breathing issues. I’m not going to include a picture because quite frankly I find it upsetting to look at. You can Google it.
I hate the shape of the FFXIV horse head so much.
(The ears are also three times the size they should be, and I cannot figure out why.)
CHONKY BOIS
The less we talk about Ixion’s tail, the better. I love you, my ugly giant zappy pony, but goddamn is everything wrong with that tail. I won’t nitpick his anatomy too much because he’s so stylized that it is just a futile effort. And god help me, I’m still fond of the jerk.
Anatomy wise, the Sleipnir-style horses have the same leg and head issues as the “regular” mount; on Sleipnir and Red Hare, the leg issues aren’t immediately noticeable because of the armor on the legs but still, ugh.
The chonky bois also suffer from, uh. Well. The musculature. They look exactly like halter-type American Quarter Horses--quarter horses bred for an inflated-muscle appearance that has resulted in numerous confirmation problems (included the hind legs being completely straight, it’s horrifying) and health ones, such as the massive proliferation of HYPP (hyperkalemic periodic paralysis), a genetic muscle disease wherein the affected horse will have muscle spasms, weakness, and collapses, all of which can lead to death. Halter Horses don’t even look like horses, they look like bulldogs.
(I am also not including a picture of one, it’s a cursed Google image search. *gag*)
Now, I recognize that Sleipnir, Juedi, and Red Hare also bare a very strong resemblance to how horses are depicted in traditional Japanese art in terms of their bulk (horses in Japanese art otherwise possess correct anatomy and tail placement, thank you); it’s probably much more likely their beefiness was inspired by that than a sub-type of an American horse breed. But my initial gut reaction to seeing them was “AQHA Halter Horse” and I’ve never shaken that, so I’m never going to be fond of these guys.
...except Ixion. Why do I love these zappy ugly bastard so much.
Anyway.
But before I sign off on this useless rant:
BY REQUEST, A SPECIAL WORD ON SIDE SADDLE
*opens another bottle of hard cider*
So, female Midlanders and Elezen sit the first model type (except the two Pegasi) side saddle. This is already annoying enough; in Europe, side saddle developed primarily because it was considered unseemly for a women to ride astride. Eorzea is not Earth or Europe, it doesn’t have the same gender norms, and quite frankly I don’t want to see real world gender norms applied in a fantastical setting, please and thanks. I also find it less secure, and it makes communication between horse and rider more difficult; quite a lot of riding and cues are done via your legs and heels, and with the way the legs are positioned, your hands (and the reins) generally need to be held at a higher angle which is hella awkward feeling.
But no, it’s not just side saddle. I am but one person, I know there are plenty of riders out there who find it comfortable. Fine. I will live with that.
But in FFXIV it’s side saddle BAREBACK.
Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME.
I could tolerate more if there was, y’know. A saddle. Even just a regular saddle and not a proper side saddle (though the later would be better, since it’s specifically built to keep a rider’s legs secured and help them stay balanced). No, it’s BAREBACK.
Side saddle bareback is asking to fall off your horse and break your neck.
Hilariously, I would actually be fine with it if it happened on one of the chonky bois, or even specifically Ixion. As someone who once rode a Clydesdale when she was barely five feet tall, riding astride on a horse with a wide back is hard and it hurts. Sidesaddle in that case is much easier, and with a big enough horse even preferable, because you are basically sitting on a table. Like, Jaysus, Synnove is a max height Highlander, but riding Ixion sure as fuck doesn’t look all that comfortable.
One of the dainty little Arab-esque models, however? Absolutely fucking not. RIDE ASTRIDE.
FINAL WORDS
In conclusion, the horses in this game are a travesty and give me constant psychic damage. SE, where do I send my bribe money to get this fixed already?
Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk, enjoy the Live Letter tonight. I need more booze.
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#this is a joke post#okay it's a little serious because some of these things are just painful to look at#but at the same time i am asking y'all to chill in advance
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