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st5lker · 11 months

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one thing i dont see talked about very often is the casual transmisogyny specific to nonbinary transfems especially those of us who have any kind of masculine presentation/pronouns. like as a bigender person i consider myself both a trans woman and a gay man at the same time in different parts and everyone just kind of sees that and goes "oh so youre not an actual trans woman so being transmisogynistic doesnt matter". and believe me i dont consider myself having it "worse" like im far safer irl than most binary post-transition transfems since i present masculinely irl and I constantly recognize that but when it comes to casual transmisogyny people are transmisogynistic in a very insidious way when youre nonbinary.

like people who would normally be really careful about checking themselves for transmisogyny just throw everything out the window when they realize youre nonbinary. you tell them you consider yourself a woman and a man at the same time, or anything in between, or have any kind of attachment to masculinity, and they immediately mentally categorize you as a man. it doesnt matter how you present, what you say, whether it's online or offline---if you're amab and don't fit the bill of being "woman enough" people online will go "thats a man" end of sentence.

the most painful part is that it comes from everybody. it comes from the cis lesbians that called that amab nonbinary person on tiktok a rapist for saying they liked when bi women primarily attracted to women were into them. it comes from the "femboy" obsessed tme transmascs and nbs who don't take your concerns about their transmisogyny seriously. and rarely, but most hurtfully, it comes from other trans women. anyone else remember when lesbianchemicalplant endlessly harassed a trans girl on here for daring to call her attraction to men gay? I do. I do because I saw it at a vulnerable time in my development and it made me repress myself for years because I thought being gay for men and a trans women were the most mutually exclusive things in the world and daring to say you can connect to both of those will get you labeled a Fake Transfem that's doing it for clout. i STILL get a feeling in the back of my mind that whenever i mention being a transfem after talking abt being a gay man people will be like "dont be ridiculous you're not REALLY transfem".

this of course comes from the fact that trans women are held to an impossibly high standards of femininity. you have to be a Capital W Woman to be taken seriously. meaning, of course, that you have to have long hair and thin shoulders and wear dresses and be skinny and short and attractive and usually white (unless they have a fetish for black women, then you can be black IF you hit the rest of those criteria). no matter what you can't be anything CLOSE to a man. make sure you take hrt and get The Surgery too and throw in some breast implants while you're at it.

if you're not rejecting every single part of you that could at all be associated with masculinity you're not even trying, you're just a man, you're just like all other men, and they don't have to care what you say about how you're treated. that type of transmisogyny is so deeply ingrained in literally everyone and its so depressing. it comes back to haunt ALL transfems but the way nonbinary transfems are treated is a perfect example of it.

#trans lesbians are another great example of this. don't even fucking dare consider being a butch lesbian if you're not cis #bc then youre basically just a cishet man right? in everyone elses eyes you are.#this is ok to rb btw

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failurefemmegf · 8 months

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why aren't you a transmasc anymore?

short answer: i realized my dysphoria was a combined reaction to being a lesbian who was scared of other women along with depersonalisation due to misogyny

long answer: i started identifying with the transgender community when i was around 12 or 13 years old, around the time i was in middle school. in elementary school i was friendly with boys and girls but as i grew older and the social cues for being a "girl" became too complicated, the other girls regarded me as weird and i was always lumped in with the boys.

i had childhood friends who were girls but a combination of mental health issues and abusive platonic relationships made it difficult to hold onto them. by the time i entered my sophmore year of high school, i no longer had any friends in my grade, and i resorted to helping for a very male-dominated gaming club as a last resort, which i stayed with until graduation. the gaming club was extremely libertarian conservative (i once got into an argument over whether "water is a human right") (it is, obviously). i was full on "not like other girls"ing my way through high school. my primarily male friendships continued into college, where i joined a game design degree program with a total of maybe 4 women including me in my entire class.

in the fall semester of my only year of college, i was constantly sexually harassed by a male "friend" and then manipulated against the rest of my friend group by a different male "friend" who ditched me after winter break when he realized i wasn't going to fuck him. in my spring semester i was completely alone (i had no roommates) and actively suicidal. it was at this time i threw myself into trans identity politics. i'd always been uncomfortable with my breasts because i developed earlier, and i bought my first binder, began tucking my hair into hats and attempting to pass as male on the rare occasions i would leave my dorm room.

i had waist-long hair from middle school until this point, where that summer i chopped it off, broke up with my long-term online girlfriend, and called myself a gay trans man. really though, the only men i was attracted to were fictional (comphet). i transferred to a community college and was still actively suicidal along with doing nothing about it. i blamed it all on my dysphoria.

covid hit that spring, and given some time to myself, i realized i was a lesbian. i jumped head first into being part of the lesbian community on twitter at the time, and it felt so right, like i'd finally figured out a last puzzle piece. my mental health still wasn't great due to other reasons but i didn't feel at odds with myself anymore.

after i lost my summer job and swapped to retail, my suicidal ideation and depression came back in full force. i got a new job at a grocery store and ran into a former childhood friend who happened to be a guy, and my complicated feelings towards him i mistook for love. boom, i was iding as a trans gay guy again, i continued to throw my mental health down the trash can because "IF I TRANSITION EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE", developed an eating disorder, and ended up in an intensive outpatient program for lgbt+ young adults.

i turned a corner when i learned to stop caring what others thought of me. to be secure in myself and not rely on other people to validate my feelings, my appearance, my identity. i had my ups and downs but by the time january hit, something felt different. i no longer felt "socially" dysphoric, i stopped caring about people calling me "she" or "a girl", but my trans identity had become such a huge part of my life that i was extremely torn. i began looking up detransition resources, desisted to "nonbinary/genderfluid" until i stumbled across some radfem blogs.

i'd always been told to avoid radfems because they "hated trans people" and "WANT you to detransition". but they were the only people to take my thoughts of desisting seriously. i reached out anonymously over the course of several months to several different blogs and i was blown away by the grace and kindness i received. i really want to thank blogs like @woman-for-women and @detransition for their wonderful posts about female depersonalization and dysphoria, they really helped nudge me in the right direction for me.

from where i stand now, i'm a gender abolitionist, but i'm not completely against the idea of transition. because of my past i have a lot of sympathy for dysphoric people, and i know there are probably trans mascs and men out there who do feel a genuine disconnect. however, i don't think we should push transition as the only option to treat dysphoria, and we need more studies about the effects of female socialization on female depersonalization. i'm not a scientist or a psychiatrist though, i'm just a girl on the internet who wants to help people.

#[ choose your character! ]#[ let's play! ]#desistance #detransition #ftm desistance #ftm detransition #gender abolition #gender critical

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brightoakgame · 1 year

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Are the ROs all canonically bi/pan? If so, how did they realize?

Canonically, I'd describe attraction as a spectrum for each of them. 💞 The action of Bright Oak takes place primarily in 1968, when the vocabulary surrounding sexuality was more limited; I'm hesitant to apply modern language / titles the characters themselves would not necessarily use, or which carry slightly different connotations in the present day. So while in a modern setting Sparrow's expressed views and attractions might well lead him to identify as nonbinary and pansexual, even with his comparatively liberal experience (he's lived in San Francisco’s commune culture), if he were asked to define his gender or sexuality in the course of the game, likely he'd answer that gender is silly, and he's attracted to attractive people-- that is, if he answered at all, and didn't just throw out a few cryptic quotations and walk away.

Not all the characters' established patterns of attraction are an even split, though general preference patterns don't dictate individual affections, and by no means invalidate a potential romantic relationship with Kit/the MC, regardless of the player's choice of pronouns or gender identity (also, non-romantic relationships are a valid option in the game). For the latter half of your question, I'll touch on the characters' individual past experiences and attractions (placed beneath the cut, for those who prefer to let the characters' words and actions in-game stand alone in speaking for them).❤️

John: Perhaps surprisingly inexperienced, given his popularity; I think there was likely some tentative fumbling under the high school bleachers with a girl or two, but not much (if anything) beyond that. Aware he's also attracted to men-- even primarily attracted to men-- which scares him somewhat, to the point that he's avoided pursuing any romantic interests, regardless of gender.

Marybeth: She actually doesn't tend to experience immediate or impartial attractions, and I don't think she's dated anyone seriously before; she's kissed both men and women, but very much as an experiment to see what the fuss is about. While she has found herself attracted to friends in the past, she has never felt inclined to act on it, since making friends doesn't come easily to her, and she'd be hesitant to jeopardize the relationship she has for a potential relationship she herself is skeptical of.

Patti: Despite her considerable self-discipline, Patti's a bit of a hedonist: she takes pleasure on her own terms, as she finds it, albeit with no intention of sacrificing her independence over it. She has little interest in forming a local or long-term attachment that would tie her down, but when traveling-- in college, or for rare leisure-- she has never minded engaging in clandestine kisses and brief affairs to be fondly remembered later. Most of her liaisons have been with men, but there have been at least a couple women as well.

Sparrow: In his early youth, Sparrow's nascent attractions were focused more on characters in books (Anne Shirley, Jane Eyre), authors/poets (Emily Dickinson, Emily Brontë, E.M. Forster), and musicians (Billie Holiday, Buddy Holly, Johnny Mathis), more than anyone he knew personally, which continued as he remained a social pariah into high school-- but he blossomed once at university, and dated around a bit before falling very hard for someone after his move to San Francisco (this comes up in his story path).

Jasper: Jasper's brain trips him up at every turn when it comes to personal relationships, and while he does experience attraction to people (most often women, though not exclusively so), his inclination to act on it is very limited because he simply can't turn off the alarms in his head that tell him there are other responsibilities more worthy of his focus and time. He's been in relationships, but they inevitably fail because his primary devotion is to his ongoing work (there's reason for this, addressed in the game during his story path). He's not one to do things halfway, however, and has spent a sleepless night (or several) over the years researching pleasure and romantic gestures, determined that what perceived failings he has that can be corrected or compensated for, shall be corrected and compensated for. Good luck with that, MC.

#bright oak #character asks #sheriff john forster #dr marybeth forster #patti gutierrez #sparrow #dr jasper lee #visual novel #interactive fiction #oelvn #amare game #sexuality

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urproblematicfav-arsonk · 4 years

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There's a lot of things about Borderlands 3 that makes it kinda a garbage game. And all of those things are valid and true but a aspect of bl3 that deeply bothers me isn't something I've really seen people talk about?? Maybe they have but I missed it but I want to say my interpretation. (Also like, spoiler warning throughout all of this post)

To start off with: hi, I'm a autistic afab nonbinary person and this is relevant for this little rant I'm bout to go on.

I want to begin by stating why I love this franchise so much.

Borderlands, whether you like it or not, is INCREDIBLY queer. And not in a coded kind of way, it's just flat out gay as fuck. And that means so fucking much to me. Borderlands 2 was one of the first times I ever felt fully represented in a game. Zer0 being this dumbass making Yugioh references and generally being a fun garbage boy and also being nonbinary meant a lot to me and I adore him to this day (nonbinary people can use gendered pronouns fuc off). And getting more and more into this series and finding out that basically every character was on some level queer was really cool to me. Maya being asexual and most of the characters being attracted to multiple genders so honestly and off handily was so refreshing and amazing to get to play through. The casual mentions of a woman's wife or some man's husband in the echo's you find or Moxxi talking about her ex girlfriends was one of the reasons I loved this so much.

Another thing I loved particularly about Borderlands 2 was how feminist it was. I can not tell you how quickly I lost my shit at Mr. Torgue talking about the friend zone being misogynistic(it is btw). And the repeated jokes about fully murdering men for being rude to women was some of the highlights of my first playthrough. Punching a guy till he explodes because he disrespected a sex worker?? Fucking immaculate.

SPEAKING OF SEX WORK.

Mad Moxxi is a icon. She is a mother of MULTIPLE children, a survivor of rape and assault and a fucking bad bitch who runs a now intergalactic titty bar. Getting to have not only a sex worker be respected in a narrative, Moxxi is fun and a genuinely complex character who isn't defined by her job or her appearance. She is emotional and strong and funny and flawed but amazing person.

And then there's the way the male characters a represented and treated. I'll be honest here, I haven't really played Borderlands 1, mostly because have been spoiled by auto pick up and also I just didn't feel like it. So my idea of most of the men are based entirely off of Bl2, the pre-sequel and Tales. Anyway, Mordecai in particular is a character I really liked upfront. I love how a lot of his motivation and character is driven by his love of animals and Bloodwing. He's kind and though troubled knows when to get his shit together and be there when he needs to be. His casual "are you okay?" After the latter falls in the Arid Nexus was such a nice moment and the way he genuinely tries to be there emotionally for all of the people around him who he cares for is so fucking rare to see in a male character. And his arc of giving up alcohol to focus on being a better bird dad and you getting to help Brick make Mordecai a special gift to celebrate his sobriety is so amazing and I'm so proud of him.

Mr. Torgue is my dad and I love him. As mentioned, he is normal and believes that the friend zone is absolute garbage talk is ICONIC™ and the best scene in that game fight me. Torgue is a crybaby. He is an emotional person who is not afraid to express his pain and hurt when people are mean to him. He respects women and loves unicorns. The fact that is physical appearance is a big muscle guy who screams but is the literal opposite of toxic masculinity will forever make him the best male character of all time and I love him and he is my dad.

Roland was a character that I was never in particularly attached to but I still respect him and did enjoy his presence. I really appreciated his leadership style being primarily based on empathy and logic as opposed to him being a big meanie man with a HUGE dick who yells at people. I always really resonated with the echo from Tannis talking about how she came to Sanctuary. Roland going out of his way to bring Tannis to safety while completely respecting her autism and struggle with socializing really made his death hit harder when Tannis was very obviously distraught by losing him. It really seems that Roland was the only one who didn't treat her differently. And as someone who's autistic, finding people who legit 100% understand and respect you and just let you live the way you want/need to is kinda hard and those are the qualities I'd personally want in a leader.

Angel is also a big spot of affection for me. Handsome Jack being a irrefutably horrible person who Angel flat out says gaslights people and killed her means a lot to me considering 99% of Bad Parent stories end with "I forgive u" getting to see an abusive victim take that narrative and say fuck you was powerful and meant a lot to me coming from my own abusive home life.

There's a lot of other things I love about Borderlands but if I keep going I won't stop lol so let's get into why Borderlands 3 makes me so uncomfortable.

One of the main things that bothered me was the sexism. Its nothing too horrifying but given how feminist bl2 was it was really shocking and a bit hurtful the number of times women are called bitches or made to seem crazy. If you recall I brought up how you punch a man to death for calling a woman a bitch? Yea no, in this game we mock women for having boundaries and opinions because lol she's just a CRAZY BITCH who just needs to stop acting so hysterical am I right guys?

Yea the whole mission with that stupid bear thing and his ex robot girlfriend made me insanely uncomfortable and upset. I kept waiting for the gotcha moment where it says actually this bear guy is a dick and he shouldn't use language like that but no we just,,,,,, are supposed to laugh along. I hate it.

Even though Borderlands 3 is still very much queer, this game introducing 2 new trans characters as well as a whole DLC about a gay marriage and one of the playable characters being a lesbian there was this some shit that bothered me.

The mission where you crash and ruin a lesbian wedding.

That mission made so upset and uncomfortable. I hated how traumatized and hurt Tumorhead was as I murdered her family and wife. I hated how unfulfilling the mission was where PLOT TWIST the lady was actually a spy or whatever. I hate how there's a mission about ruining some poor psycho ladies wedding. I would've much more preferred a mission where Idk Bloodshine asks you to help her kill a spy who's causing problems and then fucking go around Promethea collecting wedding decorations or something. OR MAYBE JUST NOT A MISSION WHERE YOU KILL LESBIANS FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

I'm mad, anyway.

I also hated how Tannis was treated in this game. Under absolutely no circumstance would Doctor Patricia Tannis ever willingly take up a position of leadership. She is a severely autistic woman who gets nose bleeds from talking to people she wouldn't just be like "I'm in charge now pls talk to me!!!" Fuck off. And the joke about her dating a minecart isn't funny. The whole thing with the chairs, though funny in its absurdities was still a very important and powerful moment of character exploration. Tannis is insane. She is traumatized and hurt and in a moment of severe torture, she humanized some inanimate objects to cope. Tannis crying over the echo over Phillip is a heartbreaking moment of true vulnerability. It is also funny, because that's how good dark comedy works. It can be both hysterical and emotionally ruining at the same time. So what exactly does Tannis divorcing a minecart mean? What is this saying about her character? Why is it funny? Because lol lol reference??? Again, fuck off.

I hate how the Calypso twins childhood is handled. Troy implies it was horribly abusive and traumatic. But when we met Typhon whatever, he acts like it wasn't that bad??? He acts like he just didn't buy his kids the latest iPhone and oh no whoopsie now they're evil, my bad guys. It feels super weird and I don't like it.

Speaking of abusive parents. THEY DID MY GIRL ANGEL DIRTY SO BAD. This was literally when I decided I hated this game. Angel being the one who killed her mother and not Jack was fucking horrible. Especially after the literal foreshadowing in borderlands 2 implying he did. The fact that Jack is treated like a fearful man making what he thought was the right decision was insulting. I get that MattPat manipulated the fandom into thing Jack is a uwu bean but fuck you, you're the writers and you should fucking know better. Handsome Jack saw his daughter had power and turned her into a living battery for him to use as he saw fit. He was not scared and he was NOT right. Fuck you and fuck you for framing child abuse as chill and ok if your spooked enough like that. And the mission directly contradicts the echo's in Get To Know Jack. If Angel killed her mom why does she ask Jack where her mommy is when he's putting her in her chambers?? Why is it in the echo Jack is aggressive and forcibly and hurtfully makes her go into her chambers but in the memory, he's quiet and passive about it?? That's literally just flat out bad writing. Also fuck you.

Anyway,

I think that's really all I wanted to say about this topic. Obviously, there are also things that suck about bl3 but I'll try to chill and not make this too long.

I mostly wanted to make this to see if people cared/are bothered by the same things I am. I've seen how some of the fandom treats the more emotional and gay aspects of this franchise(the people throwing a fit over Amara, the friend zone line, not respecting trans peoples pronouns, sexualizing and being gross about Moxxi)

Anyway that's it byeeeeeeeeeeeee

#rant time #i was also gonna post this on reddit but it turns out i don't know how to use that app lol #so i prob wont #but dont worry still got tumblr #anyway #borderlands #borderlands spoilers #borderlands 3 spoilers #borderlands 3 #borderlands 2

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bullet-farmer · 4 years

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Some bisexual thoughts under the cut. Would love to talk to other bisexuals about this. CW for suicidal ideation, sexual confusion, sexual abuse, and...idk, stuff along those lines. PLEASE don’t read this if you’re in a bad place. I say this because a lot of my friends are right now and I don’t want to add to your burden. Please only read and advise if you know you can take on the question of “Am I bi or not?” without being triggered or feeling ovewhelm. Please take care of yourself first.

I had a crush a while back on an older man that got very unfun for me emotionally. And it made me (re?)think a lot about my sexuality. I’ve noticed something peculiar about how I’m attracted to people of different genders. And it kind of disturbs me. And it makes me wonder, “Am I really heterosexual after all?” When I’m attracted to women, it feels wonderful and exhilarating, but manageable. While this wasn’t true when I was younger (I really had no idea how to tell people I “liked” them), now i’m fine with chatting up women and admitting that I’m attracted to them. This may be because I was in a relationship with a woman for thirteen years and have exclusively dated women for most of my life (my high school boyfriend being the only exception outside of one or two dates in college that were horrible for both parties). I’ve only dated one nonbinary person (to the best of my knowledge; if anyone else was nonbinary, they didn’t ID that way at the time and/or didn’t tell me). So I’m not sure I have a pattern to observe here. But based on that one experience, I behaved the same as I do with women. But when it comes to men, God, things get out of hand. I’m not attracted to men often, but when I am, my God, it’s like someone dropped an entire flaming meteorite onto a mountain of dead grass. I go absolutely apeshit emotionally to a degree that is really uncomfortable for me, but that I can’t seem to turn down. The harder I try to pour water on it, the harder it burns. It’s like that old chestnut about only being able to think about pink elephants when someone tells you not to think about pink elephants. Things get out of control fast for me, and I end up getting just as scorched as that proverbial mountainside. I don’t know why this is. Is this because I don’t have any actual experience with men (outside of a few kisses on the cheek, going to prom, and lots of “I’m just not that into you” two weeks later when I was 17)? Because men and boys hurt me more often than not when I was a kid and therefore still developing emotionally? Is it because my dad died by suicide when I was 16 and therefore I’ve been looking for a Replacement ever since? (My high school boyfriend kind of looked like him...same hair, for example :/). Is it because I was never really taught how to date and/or because being neuroatypical, shy, and a survivor of sexual abuse sort of stunted my sexual and romantic interest in men and now I’m suddenly trying to relate to men I’m into as an adult instead of as a ten-year-old throwing spitballs at them, then hiding behind the nearest wall to giggle? This is just really, really hard for me and confusing, yeah? Until recently I thought I was primarily interested in women an NB people. That my interest in men was pretty much abstract and hypothetical. As in, “Yeah, I find them hot, but I’d never date one....” But then I think of all the hypothetical crushes I’ve had on celebrities, which lasted maybe a week but which were intense as fuck. When I see a cute man and get twitterpated for hours. I don’t do that with women and NB folks. Does this mean I never really was into them to begin with? To be clear, I’ve really enjoyed sex with the two women I’ve had it with in my life. I was terrible at it and I don’t think they had a very good time, but I was terrible at it because I wasn’t experienced, not because I was disinterested. All of the porn I look at is of women; male bodies tend not to interest me unless I’m really interested in the male who owns that body, which is rarely. I thought by 40 that I’d know what my sexuality is. Instead, I feel even more confused than I was at 20. What do you think? Am I really just a confused heterosexual who had bad experiences with men, which made me think I was bisexual? Is this just how bisexuality works for some people? Is there any way I can just have an attraction to men that doesn’t feel like my brain and body are running a scorched-earth policy all over my soul? Is that just how things go sometimes? To make things even more confusing, I’m just not...really into the idea of dating or being intimate with women or nonbinary people right now (LOL like I’ve had sex with anyone since, like, 2016, or like I’ll have sex with anyone ever again because I have nothing to offer anyone in that arena except for drama, despair, and absolute misery--which, cool if you like that, I guess, but no one ultimately does. But listing my bad qualities isn’t the point here; we’re dealing with my sexuality from an academic standpoint.). Does this mean I never was to begin with? That I’m a straight woman who just likes looking at women’s bodies and getting off to them? (Typing that makes me feel like, “Well, that makes you bi, Jo, seriously wtf?” But...am I?)

I don’t know. I’d really love some thoughts from bisexuals and pansexuals here. Feel free to reply, reblog with a reply, or just DM me. I’m also interested in hearing from lesbians and heterosexual women who thought they were bi or lesbian at one point and then realized that wasn’t the case. I’m just very confused right now, and I really don’t want to have a sexual and romantic life that consists of me going apeshit for a man, getting my heart broken, and repeating the cycle. But I don’t want to date a woman or a nonbinary person and just break their heart if I’m actually heterosexual. I hate this. I don’t need this right now. But I’m losing sleep over the issue and crying hysterically about it and I just...need some perspective that isn’t my own.

#bisexuality

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official-cisphobe · 5 years

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here are my final thoughts on the whole butch/femme thing because I don't want to intrude on this topic longer than I have

so here's the deal;

butch and femme will always primarily be terms that wlw/sapphics use and will always have more meaning to wlw/sapphics than non wlw/sapphics.

I just thought the history behind these terms as being more inclusive was interesting.

And furthermore, I can assure you that given the opportunity only maybe 1 or 2% of non wlw/sapphics would use the terms butch and femme, the larger majority of that small amount being nonbinary people and trans men who either used to identify as lesbians or have some inner ties to womanhood.

Butch and femme will always be used majorly by gay women, bi women, pan women, ace women, queer women, etc. The reason being that non wlw/sapphics already have terms we use, but there is that very small rare portion of us that have an attraction to those terms

My personal opinion on the matter holds little to no value but I really don't think that the very scarce few non wlw/sapphics who want to use butch or femme are the end of the world.

Whatever butch or femme may have meant in the past, these days they're primarily for wlw/sapphics, and so if other queer people are able to use other terms they should but no one can force someone to use terms they don't identify with or feel comfortable using. Maybe those people would be able in the future but as things are I don't think it's fair to exclude queer people from something that they've been a part of.

Whatever your beliefs are on this topic, I respect them and do not believe they make anyone a bad person or a terf nor did I ever claim so.

Also I just want to remind everyone that I am not an authority figure of any sort on issues specific to wlw/sapphics nor do I claim to be one— I'm a supportive figure and I've chosen to approach things with an open mind especially things that I don't know much about because I don't want to make people feel invalidated. That in mind if you want the opinions of wlw/sapphics on their issues and want reliable information I highly reccomend you ask them instead of me.

#konsta-nt ramble #discourse #official-cisphobe

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bentonthegay · 5 years

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More About me/Views/Etc.

Hello everyone~! This post will explain more about me, my views, and anything I flnd important to add. This will be kinda long so please buckle up ;3

General Information

Age: 19

Gender: Demifluidflux trans guy

Pronouns: He/him, they/them is cool too

Sexual orientations: Gay, Demisexual

Romantic orientations: Gay, Demiromantic

Alterous Orientation: Homoalterous

Other: Polyamorous

Relationship status: Taken

I love anime, video games, drawing, singing, and just browsing the web. I like to learn new topics, and explore new ideas and sciences. I want to be a therapist someday, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s chill too. I’m polyamorous currently in a monoamorous relationship. I don’t usually participate in discourse but I do have opinions/views on different topics. I am mentally ill and prefer not to be attacked. If I do something wrong or say something offensive, I don’t mean it, or I’m simply uneducated on the topic when I thought I was. I’m happy to take polite criticsm and never mean to do harm to others. So nothing I say is ill-intended.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Views on certain discourse topics

Aspec Discourse: I believe that aromantics and asexuals are inherently LGBTQ+ and should be welcomed. However, it’s up to them if they choose to identify with LGBTQ+ or not.

Nonbinary discourse. Yes there are more than two genders. And no it doesn’t mean “Neither male or female” Nonbinary means: “Not explicitly a single binary gender” Which can mean someone can be both binary genders, one binary gender and other nonbinary genders, no binary gender, etc etc. So yes. I CAN be a guy and nonbinary.

Xenogenders: I may not be able to comprehend it 100% But I KNOW that gender is diverse and confusing and you can label your gender however you want. Just be you! You have my support.

Nonbinary Gays/Nonbinary lesbians: YES nonbinary people can be gay or lesbian. Many of them are nonbinary women or men. Meaning they identify with womanhood/manhood no matter how that is. Maybe they have a primarily woman or man gender, maybe they’re man/woman aligned. Whatever. You do not get to dictate who is gay enough or lesbian enough :)

(NO)MAPS: Are scum. Do not interact, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.If you support them then get the f**k off my blog please! I am a CSA survivor and will NOT tolerate pedophilia.

Am I a transmed/truscum? Am a tucute?: Well, no. I’m none of those. I do not believe dysphoria is required to be trans. As many studies show gender incongruence is all you need, dysphoria manifests in some trans people as a result of incongruence. Gender euphoria also exists. This is not a topic I would like to debate. However, I do believe that dysphoria or incongruence should be medicalized in SOME form in order for trans people to be able to get gender affirming treatments. (Hormones, surgeries). I would love to live in a world where those things are free regardless, however :/ (P.S. I am dysphoric)

Kink/BDSM: Well. I participate in BDSM and kink, but I do not post about it or discuss on my blog. I have spaces for that and this isn’t one of them. So no worries about running into any kinky posts on my blog. That wont happen. If it ever does, it was an accident.

Transtrenders: I DO believe that RARELY, some cis people will pretend to be trans, not necessarily as a “trend” but to gain something in return, usually online. They may use it as an excuse to chase other trans people, or to have more “power” in a trans based argument. However, when people are accused of being trenders, they are usually not, they are just not what YOU feel gender should be. And people who fear they’re trenders? Impossible. You would know if you were faking.

Self Diagnosis: I’m divided on this. You shouldn’t self diagnose many things. Like a heart condition, or cancer, or other extremes. But if you know you’re depressed all the time and can’t see a therapist, you probably have depression. If you haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD but experienced something trauamtic and show symptoms of PTSD, You probably have PTSD. If you were confirmed to likely have a certain mental illness but perhaps didn’t fit the “age requirements” for said diagnosis, you can probably take that as an unofficial diagnosis. As long as aren’t flaunting it to seem “cool” (and most don’t) and are using those self dx’s to find help resources online and such, you’re probably good.

Fujoshis: Touchy topic I know. I do not agree when this word is used in specific contexts.

1) when girls think MLM relationships are “hot/sinful/sexy/dirty” , especially IRL MLM relationships, I think that’s fetishization, much like how many cishet men view WLW relationships 2) when it’s directed as a hate word towards gay trans men. I’ve been called a fujoshi for being a gay trans guy, and many of you probably have to. It’s wrong y’all. Gay trans men are gay men. Gay nonbinary men are gay men.

Pansexual vs. Bisexual: Both are valid labels. All multisexual labels are valid. Labels are for you to feel comfortable with, and as long as you aren’t choosing one over the other due to biphobia/internilized homophobia, you’re probably good. Bisexual attracted to all genders? Valid. Pansexual with preferences? valid. Bisexual attracted to many genders? Valid. Pansexual and feeling attraction regardless of gender? Valid. Bisexual and identify the same way? Valid!

Genital preference: Another touchy topic! The sad truth is that genitals DO matter to many people. Maybe it’s from truama, or an actual repulsion to a genital set. However, it should never EVER be used to excuse transphobia. You can not want to date a trans person who is pre-op, that’s fine, your loss not theirs. However, you cannot use that genital preference to see them as lesser, or as not “real” men/women. I personally have a preference for penises, but it’s only a preference. I would still potentially date a trans guy who is pre-op or never-op, but I prefer penises. But as I’m also gay, I likely wouldn’t date a trans woman who is pre-op/no-op. Because well, she’s a woman. So to summarize, genital preferences are OK as long as you aren’t a dick about it, or transphobic. :)

Trans people and gender conformity: Alrighty. This is a favorite topic of mine. Do trans people owe gender conformity? Do nonbinary people OWE people androgyny? Nope. Cisgender people are gender-nonconforming all the time without dysphoria. We see butch cis women and Fem cis dudes all the time. So I say, why do trans men and women owe something different? While it is true that early in transition being GNC CAN cause dysphoria, that isn’t always the case. Early in transition I usually avoided feminine things and interests unless I was in the comfort of my home, but now I’m open to, and embrace my feminine and androgynous side. I’m in no way a woman, I just happen to enjoy some stereotypical feminine things. Many trans men do. As for nonbinary people, they can present however they want. Androgynous, feminine, masculine, fluid presentation, mixing it up, genderf**k, whatever. Their body, their choice. Sometimes you may be able to “tell” someone is nonbinary by looking at them, and that’s totally okay. There is no “looking nonbinary”. All looks on a nonbinary person are nonbinary.

Anti/Anti-Anti?: Honestly I’m still confused in all of that stuff. Fiction CAN and HAS affected reality. That’s not to say that you can’t enjoy certain thinsg seen as “taboo” but there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. PEDOPHILIA. You should not write, nor consume, fiction that presents a CHILD with an ADULT. It’s true that some pedophiles will write these to bring minors in and harass them. Even then, it gives stories for those sick f**ks to read. Do you REALLY want a pedophile reading your story? I guess I’m anti-ish. You can enjoy things that are otherwise problematic as long as you don’t let it affect how you treat people in the real world. Maybe you liked reading that fictional story about kidnapping and got off to it or something weird like that, as long as you aren’t trying to kidnap anyone or shit like that, I guess you do you, keep it to yourself though.

“NB” - Nonbinary or Non-black?: I went with POC voices on this. I will no longer use “NB” to mean nonbinary on my blog. You will likely just see “nonbinary” or “enby” used by me.

Aspec, autistic spectrum or Asexual/aromantic spectrum?: I’ve seen very little evidence or claim on the side of “autistic spectrum” being the term. Many responses ive seen and sources claim it means asexual/aromantic spectrum, and has even been echoed by autistic people, a lot of them. If I see evidence suggetsing otherwise, I’m happy to change my language. I don’t want to be ableist.

Butch/Femme, lesbian terms only?: I say no. I’ve seen a lot of articles, personal accounts, and history on the use of butch and femme. And none suggest they were terms only used by lesbians. From what I can tell, this idea seemed to be spread by “radical” lesbians and TERF’s. In history, many lesbians tried to distance themselves from all men, and encouraged non-lesbian women not to associate with men. This is obviously just a small tidbit of what they did in that time. However, I personally don’t use butch or femme, and don’t really plan to.

Specifically “weird” or crazy seeming kinks/BDSM styles: All I say is, you do you. If all parties are adults and consent to it, good on you. Just, keep it to yourself or in spaces dedicated to those things. As long as you don’t get off to ACTUAL CHILDREN, or try to bone or jerk it to an animal, you’re probably okay. Also don’t do incest, that stuff is bad.

!!If there’s a discourse topic you’d like to see here, you can PM me or send me an ask. I’m happy to shed my opinions on stuff, but they will go here!!

#About Me

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swampgallows · 5 years

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Uhm hi so I saw your post on aces and I really hope I'm not bothering you with this question but I've been looking for any ace person to ask things to for quite some time. You're right in that post tho: finding any isn't easy. So anyways, I came out as bi a few years ago. I've had two girlfriends (I'm also a girl) and so far it's been nice, but I've always felt guilty cuz I can't feel crushes. It's more feeling at ease? Never what I read about. Could I be ace? Or aro? Thanks!

asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction, and aromanticism is not experiencing romantic attraction. it’s up to you how you want to identify, and if these terms are useful for you then you’re free to go ahead and use them. likewise, if you find you’re primarily attracted to other women or tend to seek significant intimate relationships with women (even if youve been attracted to men in the past), you can call yourself gay even if you are “technically” bi.

i describe myself as bi ace because i experience and have desired and pursued romantic relationships with men, women, and nonbinary people, but I do not experience sexual attraction. as time goes on i wonder if i might possibly be bi aroace (which is a thing!) as my romantic attractions have always been very particular-to-non-existent, but that i still desire intimate and affectionate personal relationships with multiple genders of people. this might be complicated or hard to understand for people who are not aro/ace, but if you’ve shared these experiences then it can feel very illuminating and affirming.

i personally have a hard time understanding what romantic attraction even is (like, do i have an alternate perception of what is romantic to me, or do i really not desire it?), so i’m not the best at describing it. but if you’re already aware that you don’t feel crushes, you could most certainly be aro. think about other aspects of a romantic relationship and whether or not they appeal to you: getting married, showing affection not typical of platonic relationships (kissing, sensual touching, extensive physical closeness, intimate gifts/gestures), infatuation/”honeymooning”, flirting, sharing living space, etc. how did your “feeling at ease” differ from the ease or comfort of your platonic relationships? do you feel it is inherently romantic?

many people have differing ideas on what it means to be romantic and if relationships “feel” romantic or not; you are free to define this in your own way. for instance, i once had a ‘partner’ of sorts that was interested in having sex with me, but felt that cuddling naked with me was “too romantic” and was turned off by it. cuddling can be platonic and nakedness can be sexual, but combining the two could require an intimacy that is indicative of being romantic. some people might consider naked cuddling to be based in sexual attraction, while others who are comfortable with nakedness might feel that the gesture is just as platonic as any other kind of cuddling.

as far as being ace, consider your feelings toward different aspects of sexual attraction, and whether or not you experience them or if they appeal to you. for me it was difficult because I assumed I would “have to” engage in sexual activity with anyone I loved, and so I thought of it as an unspoken agreement and inevitability in my future. so i thought, “sure, I could have sex with them, and of course I will because I love them and I am a good girlfriend!” However—chances are that if you do not feel excitement, yearning, or sexual arousal with the prospect of engaging in sexual activity with someone, you are probably not sexually attracted to them. feeling a pressure or expectation based on your other attractions to a person is not inherently sexual attraction, i.e wanting to please a romantic partner. if you’ve never felt or rarely ever feel a desire to engage in sexual activity with another person, you could be asexual. a lot of fellow aces also have the experience of sexual attraction toward fictional people or otherwise impossible sexual scenarios specifically because there is no chance of it happening in real life, so it’s capable of remaining a safe and accessible fantasy.

if you have more questions, AVEN’s FAQ is what introduced me to the concept of asexuality in 2012, and hopefully it can help you too.

#asexuality #aromanticism #anon #ask

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misgivings · 7 years

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Ace/Aro Exclusionist Arguments

Note: For the sake of argument, all asexual people in examples are completely asexual, cisgender, and heteroromantic, and all aromantic people are completely aromantic, cisgender, and heterosexual.

Part 1: Exclusionist Ideologies

There are two main arguments that most ace exclusionists use when defending their beliefs.

Definition of LGBTQ+

The first one has to do with fundamental definitions of who is and is not LGBTQ+, and that the definition they hold conflicts with the definitions of inclusionists. They believe that you must be transgender and/or experience same-sex attraction, and aces/aros do not fit that label. This definition was nonexistent in the late 90s and through the early 2010s, until TERF rhetoric worked it’s way through the LGBTQ+ community and warped the definition into one of exclusivity.

As of now, the most frequent definition used online and in the physical world includes the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Nonbinary, Genderqueer, Pansexual, Polysexual, Polyamorous, Intersex, Queer, Aseuxal, and Aromantic labels in their acronym or full definition. The Trevor Project, a prominent and well-respected LGBTQ+ organization dedicated to aiding mentally ill and suicidal queer youth, actively promotes the inclusion of aces/aros in the community.

Before this definition existed, there was originally the widely understood “gay” aspect and definition of the community due to the AIDS crisis in the 1980s, which received the most media attention, and homophobia. “White, male and Western activists whose groups and theories gained leverage against homophobia did not necessarily represent the range of racial, class and national identities complicating a broader LGBT agenda.” Intersectional feminism, for example, was a response to this idea of “cis white gays” being the only ones to benefit from the shrinking homophobia in the United States today.

Oppression

Oppression is the second main argument when the exclusion of aces/aros is discussed. Most exclusionists argue that a lack of sexual or romantic attraction rarely, or never causes them to be oppressed.

Asexual/Lesbian Corrective Rape

Lesbian exclusionists often use the argument of corrective rape used against them by men in an attempt to “fix” them or “make them like it.” This disgusting and unfortunately common practice was once a lesbian-only term, but has since been interpreted and applied to asexuality by many asexual people. These asexual people claim to have experienced corrective rape by people, often men, that think they can “fix” them or “make them like it,” exactly as lesbians describe. Lesbian exclusionists are often frustrated by this, because they strongly believe that this term belongs to them, and only applies to them. There is an immediate alienation as a result, and actual discourse often comes screeching to a halt while asexuals and lesbians argue about corrective rape.

Aromantic Oppression, Mental Illness, and “Taking Advantage”

Frequently argued between inclusionists and exclusionists is the idea of oppression based on a lack of romantic attraction. Aromantic people believe that they are alienated from much of society and considered broken because they do not experience romantic love, while exclusionist reasoning against it ranges from the simple “that’s not true” to “you are mentally ill.” It’s a case of the “your word against mine” phenomenon, and just cannot be viewed objectively, since both arguments are based on experiences and opinions.

To elaborate on the idea that aromantic people are mentally ill or actually broken, nearly all inclusionists and a majority percentage of exclusionists disagree with this. However, some exclusionists, sometimes TERFs as well, consider them to be schizophrenic, psychopaths, or having a severe personality disorder.

There is also the aspect of aromantic people, men in particular, using their orientation against their sexual partners. The idea of “this cishet man is claiming to not feel romantic attraction and having sex with women” causes them to extrapolate to their point of “he is taking advantage of them.” Pretty much all aromatic men and women strongly disagree with this point, as they do not consider themselves to be predatory because of their ingrained orientation.

Part 2: TERFs

TERFs are the taboo subject of the LGBTQ+ community. Primarily consisting of cisgender lesbians, the most common subject of discourse they engage in is about the existence and validity of trans people, particularly transwomen. They are considered outcasts, their radical and regressive ideologies are deemed too toxic for the general population. They are few in number, but incredibly loud and spread like parasites throughout ace and trans discourse.

Self Identification and Common Signs

The most common indicator of a TERF is their self-identification of being “gender critical” and using the acronym “LGB.” This is a deliberate exclusion of transgender people, and everyone under the genderqueer/nonbinary umbrella. There is rampant biphobia, aphobia, and primarily transphobia. They often refuse new information, reports, statistics, news articles, and choose to focus on their hard mindset of “trans people are trying to reinforce the patriarchy.”

Their common ideologies include the intense hatred of transwomen, claiming that “men pretending to be women are invading female-only spaces” and that transwomen lesbians are “men trying to rape women.” There is also discourse about cisgender lesbians refusing to be sexually intimate with transwomen due to their repulsion of male genitalia, but there is often the argument of trauma to reinforce their position.

TERFs As Exclusionists

TERFs frequently echo each other, their voices getting louder each time a toxic opinion is shared. In addition to excluding transwomen, they also attack aces/aros and usually identify as exclusionists. This is often backed up with the argument of oppression, previously described to be one of the main arguments in ace discourse.

In order to make their opinions louder and repress transwomen, TERFs engage in disrespectful and occasionally illegal activity that increases tension and hatred. They will mock and misgender transwomen, calling them slurs and fake. They send suicide baiting messages, and doxx transwomen to expose them to more dangerous people that intend to bring the threat of physical harm, up to actual murder.

Part 3: Exclusionist interaction and behavior with aces/aros and discoursers

A substantial percentage of individuals within the LGBTQ+ community that identify as transgender, genderqueer, nonbinary, or other gender-nonconforming label also identify themselves as exclusionist, more often than not on the basis of oppression. Some inclusionist discoursers have compared them to TERFs due to their sometimes extremely hateful, aggressive, disrespectful, and suicide baiting tactics used to push their points and agendas forward on inclusionists and those that choose to remove themselves from discourse altogether.

This usually causes incredible outrage from said individuals that fall under the “T” in the acronym, because they loathe the idea of being compared to their “oppressors,” TERFs. They generally miss the point that the inclusionists are trying to make, and instead focus on the injustice of the comparison.

Inclusionists, while going about it the wrong way, are trying to point out the hypocrisy of transgender exclusionists; they exclude ace/aro people, while TERFs are doing the exact same thing to transgender people, even if it’s backed by different faulty reasoning.

#asexual #ace discourse #aromantic #aro discourse #exclusionists #terfs

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catboyfeli · 5 years

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it’s so fucking sad how much the left has ruined the lgbt community.

they’re convincing gnc kids they’re nonbinary when they’re not and allowing them to invade trans spaces. they convince tomboys their trans and insist boys who like dresses are nonbinary.

gender isn’t what you like or wear. it’s your connection with your sex and perceived gender. if you like having a penis or want a penis, you’re male. if you like having a vagina or want a vagina, you’re female. if you want both, dislike both, or anything similar, you’re either confused, or experience atypical/nonbinary dysphoria. it’s very rare to experience social dysphoria and not physical dysphoria. BUT for social dysphoria since y’all like to try and be smart, if you like being perceived as your biological sex, you’re cis! congrats! dysphoria is when you experience discomfort from being perceived that way!

that’s it. people need to stop telling cisgender people they’re trans or nonbinary just because they’re fucking gnc. i’m so tired of feminine men being told they’re nonbinary when they’re 100% happy with their sex. that’s fucking harmful and toxic and it’s literally just pushing gender roles.

gnc cishets basically are allowed in the lgbt community, just like they should be. except they have to say they’re nonbinary to get in. and since so many of y’all think gender is a ~feeling~ the communitys full of cis people saying they’re trans when they’re not and just don’t know any better.

i was looking up feminine men on pinterest because i love feminine guys, and of course ran into nonbinary stuff. when it’s literally just a man! wearing female clothes! that’s fucking okay!!! there’s no such thing as “nonbinary” fashion!! it’s called fucking gnc!!!!!

men can like makeup! men can like dresses! men can like feminine fashion and long hair and perfume and being the little spoon and taking on the feminine role in relationships! THEYRE STILL MEN!!!

anyway my point still stands that gnc people, including cishets, are allowed in lgbt. they shouldn’t have to use a fake label just to get support. gnc people have been in the community much longer than y’all realize, and not all are trans or gay/bi! and that’s!!! okay!!!! they still face discrimination for being gnc!!!! being cishet doesn’t help that and sometimes makes it even more difficult!!!

basically trans / nonbinary = dysphoria or “gender incongruence”

that’s it. let feminine men fucking exist, along with masculine women. if you’re not gonna insist a feminine trans guy is secretly nonbinary then why do you insist feminine cis men are?

this also ties into the whole pansexual thing tbh.

oh gee i didnt know bisexuals were only into feminine women and masculine men!!! who woulda thought!!!!!

yeah no. i’ve already talked about how you’re not attracted to pronouns and how nonbinary isn’t a third sex (or even a third gender, really, since it’s just a combination of male and female). BUT THIS IS EVEN MORE FUCKING RIDICULOUS. bisexuals have always been attracted to androgyny, feminine men, and masculine women. this is just so fucking biphobic any way you look at it.

why do bisexuals need a label to be “”inclusive”” of gnc-ness??? why don’t you feel the need to separate gay men into whether they like gnc men or not too?? or lesbians??? or straight people??? oh wait. because that’s not about fucking gender is it??? because what you wear and act like doesn’t determine your gender!!!!!!

and nonbinary is such an extremely rare occurrence that you literally don’t need a new sexuality just to include them!! there’s less nonbinary than trans people and trans people only make up 0.37% of the population!!! nonbinary people still either have a male or female sex! there’s only two sexes! and bisexuals like both so ta-fucking-da they’re also into nonbinary people!

intersex doesn’t change anything because that’s a MUTATION and the person is still primarily either female or male! why is this so fucking difficult for people to understand! bisexuals didn’t fight for their rights all these fucking years just to be replaced by a sexuality that’s literally the exact same thing !!!

there’s only two genders. nonbinary is an INCREDIBLY RARE occurrence that causes the person’s brain to be both male and female at the same time. and there still isn’t even proof due to so little studies, this is just the only scientifically possible way for nonbinary to be a thing. a combination of male and female isn’t a third gender, it’s a disorder, just like intersex, and that’s! okay!! disorder isn’t a dirty word!!! there’s only two sexes and there’s only supposed to be two genders! being both genders at once creates dysphoria / discomfort which lessens one’s quality of life, which is considered! a! disorder!!! gender doesn’t equal anything other than one’s connection to their sex!!! that’s literally it!! bisexuals are still attracted to nonbinary people and always ! have ! been !!!

in conclusion about 29,600,000 trans people exist and about 800000 nonbinary people exist. so most of y’all are just cis and that’s literally okay.

and this just proves my point tho that gnc cishets should be considered lgbt and by gnc i mean like a butch that's cishet, so not actually a butch, but SEEMS like one. not just, yknow, a cishet girl that wears ties sometimes lmao. in extension, a cishet twink, so not ACTUALLY a twink, but just seems like one.

there's already a lot of confused, gnc cishets anyway. they've been part of the community longer than people realize, and it shouldn't rly matter if they're gay or trans or not, just that they deserve support. most gnc people are bi or gay, but not all are!! and they deserve support!! they have nowhere to go!! and also they face misdirected homo/transphobia!

#i'm prepared for hate oh well #im just so fucking pissed right now #GRRRRRRR #rant #long post #controversial #unpopular opinion #opinion

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strangelesbean · 5 years

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Homoflexible vs. Bisexual.

Okay to start things off, this post is not about "which is better" or "You should identify as this because I'm offended!" This post is mostly about addressing a lot of articles and comments I've read about sexualities. So with that being said, I'll just jump right into it.

For many years my sexuality has been "evolving." Which is me just saying that I'm constantly trying to find a term that fits me. When I first came out (When I was 12. Woo! ) I came out as bisexual. As I got older and learned about more terms I identified as pansexual. Then, at around the age of 16 I had my first girlfriend. And a whole new rush of emotions hit me like a fucking train.( As cheesy as this sounds )I was really confused at first because while I liked my boyfriends before I didn't know that it could be so different. It was like the emotions I was feeling were muted before I met her. Unfortunately, that relationship didn't last very long due to distance and the drama that comes along with being 16. When I eventually got over it and started wanting to date again, I dated another girl. And then another. And another. I'm 22 now and I have yet to date another boy or really want to for the most part. For about 4 or 5 years I identified as a lesbian. And I still do for the most part. But things aren't as black and white as that. While I LARGELY prefer women over men, once in a blue moon I'll find a guy sexually attractive. And I would start to think things like "Am I a bad lesbian? Does this make me bi? Can my vagina and heart please be less confusing?" After many many hours reading and trying to see if anyone else was like this, I came up with an answer.

Homoflexible.

Being attracted primarily to someone of the same sex as you, but also being attracted to the opposite sex on occasion.

Very rare occasion on my part. But nonetheless I was excited to finally see a label that fit me. That is, until I saw all the articles and comments about how it's "biphobic" to be homoflexible.

Bisexual

Being sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women.

I personally don't fit this definition. I am mostly attracted exclusively to women. People who label themselves as homo/heteroflexible are not trying to erase bisexuality. They aren't comfortable calling themselves something that doesn't fit them. I for one am not going to start calling myself something I am not. Before I knew what homoflexible was, I was just going by "mostly-lesbian"

People in the LGBT+ community shouldn't put each other down and degrade what they identify as. We deal with that shit enough on a regular basis. If you're gay? Great! If you're bi? Awesome! Pan? Fucking rock it. Ace? You do you boo. Mtf? You're fucking beautiful. Ftm? Be who you are! Nonbinary? Sweet! If you are a part of the lgbt+ community and aren't an asshole. YOU. ARE. AMAZING. Don't let ANYONE, especially other lgbt+ people, tell you any different.

As for me. I'm a lesbian. I am also homoflexible. I am not bisexual. So what if I might have to explain what that is sometimes. I finally found a label I am comfortable with for now. Who knows what the future will bring though. I discover new things about myself every day. What I identify as might change. But I will always call myself a part of this community. If you're not sure who or what you are then that's okay. Take your time. When, or even IF you are ever ready to put a label on yourself, just make sure you are comfortable with it. Don't beat yourself up over what other people might think.

Love you guys ❤

Love each other ❤

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bullet-farmer · 7 years

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bi friends of mine, a question:

I’ve noticed this about myself and wonder if any of you feel the same way.

Are you primarily attracted to other multisexuals?

I ask because I’ve realized that the majority of people I’ve been attracted to over the years are almost all bisexual or pansexual. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been into some heterosexual men or lesbians, but it’s pretty rare. Nearly everyone I’ve been attracted to shares my sexuality, though their sexuality hasn’t been identical to mine (for example: I tend to strongly prefer women, woman/femme-aligned nonbinary people (like me), and more androgynous nonbinary people, but I’ve been interested in multisexuals who prefer men).

I ask also because I think having a relationship with someone who didn’t share my interest in multiple genders would be difficult because that interest is such a big part of my identity and how I move through this world. Even if that person was also polyamorous, I don’t know if that would work.

Case in point: not being able to talk about how hot/appealing men are, which is a big part of my fannish life and my life in general, would be difficult for me not to do and difficult for me not to share with someone I loved.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense. Does anyone here at least kind of get where I’m going?

Similarly: I don’t know as we need a term for “multisexual who is primarily or exclusively attracted to other multisexuals,” but is there one?

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kazokuhouou · 7 years

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FE Fates Edits by Gender/Sexuality Tag

Doing another archive thing for my sanity, feel free to ignore.

Note: List in alphabetical order for easy finding. Definition next to it (since some people struggle). Feel free to hit me up if you have a better way of putting it, since most of these are paraphrased from urban dictionary or @questioning-resources

Abroromantic: Fluid or rapidly changing romantic attraction

Abrosexual: Fluid or rapidly changing sexuality

Achillean: Refers to men attracted to other men, includes gay and bisexual men.

Aesthetegender: Also known as aesthetigender, aesthetgender, or videgender, a gender that is derived from and/or embodies an aesthetic.

Agender: (Also tagged as Neutrois and Neutrosis) Gender identity where the person does not identify as a gender at all

Aingender: Umbrella term for all aporine genders, which are genders that are separate from the male/female binary and those in between while still having a gendered feeling.

Akoisexual: One who experiences sexual attraction, but does not wish for it to be acted on or reciprocated

Aquarian: Non-binary or agender person with a connection to water

Aromantic: One who does not experience romantic attraction

Asexual: Not interested in sexual activity

Autosexual: Attraction only for oneself, prefers self-gratification to other sexual activity

Bigender: One who identifies as two genders

Bisexual: Sexual attraction for two genders (sometimes specifically defined as attraction for males and females)

Cupiosexual: One who desires a sexual relationship but feels no sexual attraction to anyone

Demiboy: One who identifies as part-male, part another gender.

Demigirl: One who identifies as part-female, part another gender

Demiromantic: One who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection

Demisexual: Lack of sexual attraction unless they become emotionally or romantically attracted to a specific person

Fraysexual: Sexual attraction for someone is lost upon meeting them

Galaxian: An identity that combines Solarian, Lunarian, and Stellarian

Gay/Homosexual: Sexual attraction for the same gender.

Genderfae: A fluid gender that never encompasses being male/masculine.

Genderfaun: A fluid gender that never encompasses being female/feminine.

Genderfluid: Gender identity that is a dynamic mix between male and female

Genderflux: The gender intensity varies over time.

Genderqueer: One who feels their gender identity doesn’t conform with the socially accepted binary genders

Grayromantic: (Also tagged as Gray-aromantic) When one rarely feels romantic attraction

Graysexual: One who rarely experiences sexual attraction, but still is capable of it.

Gynesexual: Attracted to femininity (not necessarily females)

Gyragirl: Having multiple genders, which one doesn’t understand, but knows they have feminine qualities

Heteroflexible: One primarily attracted to the opposite gender, but occasionally feels attracted to or gains pleasure from the same gender

Homoflexible: One primarily attracted to the same gender, but occasionally feels attracted to or gains pleasure from the opposite gender.

Intersex: Anyone whose biological sex does not fit into the male or female binary, or contains both.

Lesbian: Women exclusively attracted to other women

Librafeminine: Mostly agender, but feels a little attachment to being feminine/female.

Lithromantic: (Also tagged as Lithoromantic) Feels romantically attracted to people, but has no desire to have it reciprocated or to act on it.

Lithsexual: Feels sexually attracted to people, but has no desire to have it reciprocated or to act on it.

Lunarian: A non-binary person who is feminine aligned

Maverique: A gender identity characterized by autonomy and inner conviction

Medusan: An alterhuman/nonhuman attracted to other alterhumans/nonhumans (whether romantically or sexually)

Moon Lesbian: Aesthetic descriptor for lesbians, femme lesbians, or lunarian non-binary lesbians.

Multigender: One who experiences more than one gender identity

Nonbinary: Any gender identity that is not specifically and exclusively male or female.

Novarian: Also known as Solstellarian, one who identifies as both solarian and stellarian

Omnisexual: Sexual attraction to all genders, differs from pansexual in that gender is taken into account.

Pansexual: (Also uses the tag Pan) Sexual attraction for people regardless of gender

Placiosexual: One who feels little/no desire to receive sexual acts, but is interested in giving them

Polyamorous: (Also uses the tag Polyamory and Polyam) Having multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships at the same time, with the mutual consent of all parties involved.

Polysexual: Attraction for some, but not all, possible genders

Sapphic: Refers to women attracted to other women, includes lesbians and bisexual women

Singularian: Gender identity that rejects any and all ties to binary genders whatsoever, without exception.

Solarian: A non-binary person who is masculine aligned.

Stellarian: A non-binary person who isn’t masculine or feminine aligned.

Straight/Heterosexual: Sexual attraction for the opposite gender

Transfem: Short for Transfeminine. People assigned male at birth that identify with femininity more than masculinity, includes trans women, demigirls, lunarians, other feminine related genders.

Transgender:Gender identity where the person identifies as a gender other than what they were assigned at birth

Translesbian: A transwoman attracted to women

Transmasc: Short for Transmasculine, People assigned female at birth that identify with masculinity more than femininity, includes trans men, demiboys, solarians, other masculine related genders.

Trigender: One who identifies as three genders.

Venusic: a nonbinary person attracted to women and female-aligned nb people

Xingender: Umbrella term for all genders xenine (genders that don’t fit the human binary) in nature.

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