#but ya i just wish he and the general population would think more : | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ofstarsandvibranium · 3 years

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Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: Bucky has been your neighbor for a few months now, so he likes to think you two are friends. Which is why he thinks you're the best person to go to to help him get back into the dating scene.

AN: inspired by one line of dialogue from the first ep of Falcon and the Winter Soldier. lol also, FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER EP 1 SPOILERS!

Bucky felt lost. Well, he's always felt lost ever since he suddenly came back along with have of the world's population. He was pardoned by the government and now a civilian. He was going through therapy to deal with his 70+ years worth of trauma and trying to navigate his way through the modern world. Everything was new and exciting but also overwhelming and exhausting.

His therapist encouraged him to date and make friends. So that's what he did, or at least, tried to do.

He considers you a friend. You live in the apartment right beside him, gave him a friendly smile and helping hand when he first moved in. You two chatted when you'd run into each other in the hall or in the laundry room. You were nice, attractive, funny. He honestly thought about asking you out a few times, but you were his friend, his only friend it seems. So he couldn't ruin that. Therefore, he resorted to online dating.

He signed up to a bunch of dating websites and apps: eharmony, match.com, plentyoffish, tinder-SO MANY. Why are there so many dating apps?!

He's scrolling through his phone, so overwhelmed by the different pictures and information. What does DTF mean???

He scowls, tossing his phone onto a pile of dry laundry he should be folding. You enter the laundry room with a chuckle, "Everything alright?"

He glances over his shoulder and sees you. He immediately smiles and faces you, "Hey, um, yeah," he gestures to his phone, "Just, um..." he lets out a sigh and asks, "Do you know anything about dating?"

You look at him curiously and reply, "A little. Why? What's up?"

"I'm just," he nervously scratches his head and places his hands on his hips, "I'm trying this online dating thing and it's...a lot."

You can't help but snort, "I feel ya," you give him a reassuring smile despite your heart dropping to your stomach, "So, uh, what sites or apps are you on?"

"Um...all of them?"

You snort again, "No way. Let me see your phone." you hold out your open palm to him and he places his phone into your hands after unlocking it. You swipe through his apps and your brows shoot up to your hairline, "Well it's not all of them , but it's definitely a lot." you look up from the phone to Bucky, "Can I give some advice?"

"Please, I'll take anything you can give me," he replies desperately.

You hop onto the washing machine and hold up his phone, "Okay. These apps are usually for the older crowd. Like thirty five and up, so if you're not picky about age, feel free to keep these. Now, these apps are what the younger generations use. Tinder is usually for hook ups, one night stands and all that. Not many people take Tinder seriously. Bumble, is a level up from Tinder. You'll find people who are more serious about finding a relationship with also a mix of people looking for something casual. Hinge, I think, is a level up from Bumble. You don't see people's typical lame ass bios, but their answers to some fun questions, what kind of relationship they're looking for, if they smoke or do drugs, etc. Also, I'm not sure if you know this, but you can change the age range on all of these apps. So instead of having it from 18 to 50, you can narrow it so 25 to 35 or however you want."

You look at Bucky and see his brows are furrowed in...concentration? Confusion?

"Was that too much? Do I need to slow down?"

He shook his head, "No, no, that's not it. Um, thanks, Y/N," he shoots you a grateful grin and you smile back, "No problem, Bucky." You see the gears turning in his head and you ask a question, he might be scared to ask you, "Do you want me to help you find some potential dates?"

"Will you?" he asks in that same desperate tone from earlier.

Again, you put on a smile, despite your breaking heart, "Sure!"

You tap on Hinge, double checking on his preferences, and then going to the main page.

"Oh! Look here. She's a single mom, but she's also a nurse. On the weekends, you're most likely going to find her wine drunk and watching movies with her kids. She has pets. She'd like to have more kids some day. She sounds nice. How 'bout it, Bucky?"

"Sure. She-She sounds good."

"Cool! So you tap on the heart on whatever thing on her page. So let's like her....answer here. If you want, you can comment something, but if not, you just forward it and hope to see that she'll like you back and you can start messaging her! Also, it looks like some people already like you! So you just tap on this icon here and you can scroll through the different people who've liked something on your page and it's up to you if you want to make contact or not."

Bucky hums and plucks his phone from your hands, "Wow. This-Thanks Y/N. This really helped."

"No problem, Buck! If you ever need more help, just let me know!" you hop off the washer and proceed to start up a load of laundry. You mind running back and forth about how you should shoot your shot, but you were too afraid of ruining the friendship you and Bucky have.

______________________

Bucky: Hey

You: What's up?

Bucky: can you come over? I need more help with this online dating situation.

You: sure!

You let your phone fall to your side with a sigh, Bucky has been asking for your help with his online dating for two weeks now and while you're always happy to help him, it just sucks seeing someone get his attention that you wish you had.

You roll out of bed, not caring about how you looked and exit your apartment, knocking on Bucky's door.

He swings open to reveal him in a tight blue henley and some black jeans, "Hey!" he shoots you a grin and moves aside to let you in, "So, um, this girl, Janine. We've been messaging for a few days now and she wants to meet up. Is that too soon? And where should I take her? I've," he pauses to chuckle to himself, "I haven't dated since the forties so..."

Despite your feelings for him, you knew Bucky deserved to be happy, especially after all the shit he's gone through.

"Hm, well, what kind of vibes are you getting from her?"

"Vibes?"

"Yeah, um, what feelings do you get when you talk to her? Do you feel happy? Do you want to get to know her more?"

"Uh, yeah, I suppose so. I think it'd be nice to meet her in person and get to know her more face to face."

"Then yeah, take her out. But since it's your first time meeting her in person, it should be something casual. Low key, no pressure. A decent restaurant or a bar is probably best."

Bucky nods, "Yeah. Okay. Um, do you think you could help me pick something out?"

You can't help but laugh, "Bucky, I'm sure whatever you choose to wear, you'll be fine."

"Okay. Thanks, Y/N," he slowly wraps his arms around you for a hug, but not too tight in case you're uncomfortable. You surprise him by hugging him back, giving him a little squeeze, "You're welcome, Bucky."

It was Saturday and you didn't have work. You friends asked you to hangout with them, but you didn't want to. You wanted to stay holed up in your apartment, wallowing because Bucky would be going on his date with Janine tonight.

You're mindlessly watching tv , curled up on the couch. You turn your face into the pillow and scream in frustration. You should've just asked him out when you had the chance, but now that chance is gone.

You groan as you roll off the couch and head to your balcony. You just need some fresh air. You push up your window and climb onto the metal balcony. You sit on the outdoor chair you have there and stare up into the night sky. The stars are twinkling, the moon is shining. It looks like a perfect night for a date and here you are, alone.

"Hey-"

"AAAHHH!" you scream by the sudden appearance of Bucky on his own balcony. You're staring at him wide eyed, hand on your chest.

Bucky couldn't help but laugh at your expression, "Sorry."

You shake your head and stand to meet him, "It's fine. What're you doing here? I thought you were on your date."

"Yeah, uh, turns out Janine didn't, what phrase did you use once, pass the vibe check?"

You snort, covering your mouth as you giggled. Bucky's smile grows at the sound and you pull yourself together, "Um, yeah that's it. But I'm sorry."

He shrugs, leaning against the railing, "Honestly, it's okay. I don't think the online dating thing is really for me. I think I'll probably stick to the old fashion way: meeting in person and asking them out on a date."

"That's understandable," you say with a nod.

"So how 'bout it?"

You look at him confused, "How 'bout what?"

"Do you wanna go on a date sometime?" you give a look of surprise and Bucky immediately adds, "But I totally understand if you don't want to. I just-you're nice, and beautiful, and funny I thought maybe-but we're friends so I totally understand if you don't-"

"No, no. Bucky, I just-I'd love to go on a date with you."

"Yeah?" You nod and he holds out his hand, "Come on then."

You give a nervous chuckle, "What?"

"I picked up a pizza after that disastrous date. We can eat and watch a movie. Casual and no pressure, right?"

You look from his striking blue eyes to his outstretched glove hand. You reach out to place your hand in his but then pull back, "Wait. I should probably change."

You step back to head back into your apartment, but Bucky grabs your hand, "You don't have to. You look great."

You chuckle and begin to climb from your railing to Bucky's, with his help, "Alright, Prince Charming. I expect to be wooed tonight."

"Of course you do, which is why I ordered pizza from your favorite place and I'm letting you pick the movie we watch."

"Bucky Barnes, I could kiss you!" you exclaim thoughtlessly but then you realized what you just said. You shook your head and began to ramble off excuses, "No no! I mean not now! Now that I don't want to kiss you. You're very kissable. Not that I imagine kissing you or anything it's just-"

Bucky leans in and gives you a little peck on the cheek, "I don't kiss until after the date's over, doll. So will that suffice for now?"

You could feel your cheeks heating up as you nodded and squeaked out, "Yup!"

He chuckled, taking your hand in his again and leading you to the couch where the pizza was waiting for you.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #fem!reader #fatws spoilers #falcon and the winter soldier

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ryozoro · 3 years

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Hades Playlist - i.

NOW PLAYING : I n t e r l u d e [J. Cole]

cw; name calling, blood, mentions of murder, major spoilers

“Fate is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast.”

Despite the red-light district thriving through the night, it looked just as beautiful during the early morning. Yn was roaming the streets on her pedal bike for the first time since winter break as she plotted different ways to surprise her big brother at his newly opened bike shop. She had already purchased his favorite breakfast meal from the little café she worked at, and all that she was left to do was see the said man. Getting out of thoughts and returning to reality, she stopped at the side of the traffic light to press the ‘crossing’ button and to text Draken to make sure he was at work before she made the trip.

“hey there pretty girl, ya wanna come ride something more interesting than the little kiddie bike yer on right now?” some bleach blonde junior high kid called out to her, smirking as he man spread and took up most of the space on the park bench. “I know ya hear me pretty girl,” he leaned and rested his elbows onto his knees, “maybe ya want me to come over and beg for yer attention, huh? Want me to come and make ya listen to me?”

She scoffed and waited for the light to signal for her to cross, but its as if the gods wanted to punish her and traffic kept flowing out of her favor. Getting restless, she pocketed her phone and tapped on her bar handles in hopes of the cars to all be generous and let her through; of course, this did not happen and the young fuck boy in training had began to approach her alongside his friend who were hyping him up and recording the event.

“You might be older than me,” he walked up behind her and kicked her bike tire before circling around and leaning against the basket in the front, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I hit girls.” Yn had to refrain from spitting in his face because Draken always said ‘never start anything with others first, let them choose their fate.’ In other words, big bro just didn’t want her to put herself at risk due to minor inconveniences that were presented towards her.

Just as the light switched from a hand to a walking figure, yn politely smiled at the boy in hopes of him getting the hint that she did not wish to engage with him anymore, but – of course – that was just asking too much of him. He turned back and looked at the sign noticing it was their turn to cross, and he surprisingly moved out the way. Yn smiled realizing that her brother did know it best when he said that the ‘dumb young boys will leave you alone after they realize you’re not going to give them the time of day,’ and she moved to pedal across the cross walk with a large smile.

However, big bro’s words are not the golden rule amongst men and the boys did not leave her alone; in fact, they decided to run at her hit the back tire with a bat and caused her to lose control and fall in the middle of the walkway. The drivers were kind enough to wait for her to get up and cross the street with scraped knees and a dirty pull over. She turned back to glare at the boys, but their backs were already facing her as they leisurely walked away laughing. This wasn’t going to ruin her day, after all, she still gets to surprise her brother with her presence and might even have the chance to see his hot amazing friends whom you grew up around. After realizing that the former gang members might all be hanging around her brother’s workplace, she got up with a huge smile and skipped the rest of her way on the crosswalk. Once to the other side, yn hopped back on her bike without checking her bloodied shins and made her way on the quickest route to the shop.

Glancing up at the familiar billboards that danced in sky and looking down at the alleys being populated with street cats and new gen delinquents, she realized she was only a block down from seeing the man who has always put her first and raised her to strive to her fullest potential. Smiling as closed her eyes for just a second - she swears it – to bask in the excitement and next thing she knew, she was on the ground covered in coffee. She could hear faint voices but those were cancelled out by her skin screaming at her to get up and quickly remove any rubble and dirt that had entered. Moving to get up, she took note of blood staining the concrete and became slightly alarmed.

“Oi, you dumb bitch, you should watch where you’re going,” a man’s voice echoed through her head, “you got a drip of blood on my Milano’s.” Trying to get up, yn went to wipe her eyes, but as soon as she lifted her hands, she felt them share the similar sting that her knees and chin felt. “You deaf or something? Ha, lucky for you I’ll take the food in your basket and whatever is in your wallet as an exchange. Pin code for your card must be included, love.” Hearing as she was about to get stripped dry of her hard-earned cash, she shot a glare up at the well-dressed man’s body just to be sent in a more state of terror when she noticed the tattoo that decorated his temple; it was the infamous Bonten symbol.

“I say we just take her to the back alley and make her pretty throat match the rest of her bloody body,” she turned and seen a pinkette with long hair and two scars that sat on each corner of his ?beautiful? mouth. to be completely honest, he would have been very much at the top of her most attractive list if he weren’t just plotting to slice her neck right in front of her; she wondered if he ever heard of the Element of Surprise. “She hasn’t even apologized yet and it’s been at least 45 seconds, that is pretty rude don’t you think, Mochi-kun?”

“It is very rude,” the built man with slicked back blonde hair spoke up, “do you want me to take her in the alleyway?” He squatted down to meet yn at eye level and she didn’t know if it was the fact he was able to stare into her soul with lifeless eyes or the extremely structured shoulders that could break her bones if he had tackled her, but she genuinely felt that she was going to die. “You seem like a worthless kill if I am being honest, and I don’t like claiming meaningless prizes. So, if you want to live,” ‘Mochi-kun’ reached over and gripped her bloodied chin, “or are you going to be good dog and run your pockets?”

She couldn’t believe it; for all her life, death threats have never been directly shot at her as Draken and the others have always been there. Of course, she emptied her pockets as quick as she could and began wiping the man’s Milano’s with her cloth lens wipe.

“Good girl,” the man with the temple tattoo said mockingly, “but I’m gonna need you to put your pretty mouth to work since you don’t know – or rather – you act like you don’t know how to speak.” She felt her eyes began to fill with tears as she looked up from the ground; they mistook it for fear, but yn was just angry she was powerless to them. “Don’t worry, I like older women, so I won’t need your mouth for that,” he laughed loudly in her face, “lick the blood off.” Her glare returned and tears began to spill over her cheeks. “Be a good bitch, and lick my –“

“What are you idiots doing?” a man with a long pink and purple mullet-like hairstyle came from behind her. “Are you guys bullying young kids again? Oh, wait, you’re not a kid.” He stared at you through his multi-colored bangs and tilted his head, “Why are you all bloody like a sewer rat walking through the back alley of feral cats?” he pushed the girl’s forehead back, straining her neck to hold eye contact with him, “you’re not some whore, are you?” He craned his neck back to the man who has been treating her like a dog, giving yn a full view of his Bonten symbol tattooed across the middle of his pretty throat. “Neh, Koko, you do realize that if you want a girl’s attention you can’t just rough her up in hopes that she takes you to bed.” He turns back to yn before sighing, “You’re cute,” for some reason she felt herself swelling with pride, “but you’re not my type,” – well there goes her ego.

“Oh what-fucking-ever,” ‘Koko’ mumbled as he gently pushed her away, “I didn’t want some inexperienced princess anyway, so don’t get your hopes up.” He quickly bent down and took all the cash from her wallet and began to slide out the card, but a baton quickly swatted at his hands.

“Your obsession with money is crazy, but you can’t take hers if you still owe me 45,000 yen.” Yn turned to see a man with pushed back purple and pink hair holding the offending stick. Unlike the other members, his tattoo was in the same place as the mullet man – maybe they took over the organization after her other big brotherly figure, Mikey, left. She drank in his appearance, and although he was thinner than the other members, something about him just screamed ‘stay away;’ but for the first time in her life, yn didn’t want to listen to such obvious red flags. “Oh no, you’re bloodied up like a rat –“

“I have already said that nii-chan,” the mullet head said, “what do you say? Wanna jut get rid of her like Sanzu-san suggested?” The now known younger brother asks. She began to tremble but not out of fear, no, out of a weird feeling at the pits of her stomach that came about as soon as the stranger stumbled onto the scene. “Oi,” the younger brother flicked your chin, reminding your body that it is supposed to be in a state of stinging pain, “staring is rude. What are you – a deer in headlights?”

“Now, now, Ridou,” the man continued to meet yn’s gaze as he motioned for her to take his hand, “where’s the fun in hurting a good little lamb? Especially one who shows that she knows to yield to her Sheppard.” Against her better judgement, yn took his hand and allowed him to help her up. “Look at you go,” he smirked and scanned over her body through hooded lids, “such a strong little girl you are standing on wobbly legs after the big bad wolves tried to tear you down.”

She should feel offended, mocked, and appalled, but she couldn’t – not with the voids he called eyes staring at her. “T-thanks,” she weakly mumbled as she began to gather her bag back together and prop her bike back up, “I know you guys said you needed the pin number, but I can’t give it to you.” She hung her head and balled her fists; she was waiting for someone to hit her but that never came. Looking up she sees the ‘older brother’ standing in front of the brooding ‘Koko’ and the other members just staring around the streets.

“That’s fine, little one,” the older brother said, “we don’t need your card. Koko here will be fine with just the cash. But I will need payment of the sort since I did calm the bully over here, don’t you think?” He smiled at yn, quickly scanning her student ID and then turning back to her face, “You’re 18, yeah?” she nodded, and he smiled lazily, “Good, give me something of yours that is valuable. I want to talk to you again and if I take it, you are going to want to take it back, correct?”

“I – um,” she began to go through the bag and seen that the only things she deemed valuable were her phone and the spare keys to her room in the brothel, “all I have is my k-keys and phone.” She huffed out in hopes that he took mercy and just let her go already; if she kept in his presence any longer, she feared that every piece of knowledge on common sense would fly out of her brain.

“Well, no one wants a pedal bike here and your phone and keys wouldn’t be of use to me,” he spoke in a rather degrading tone, “how about, you give me that pretty little necklace that you’re wearing… hmm, ... oh! Give me your number as well. After all, how are you going to know when I want you to take back your precious gems without being able to plan a proper date?” His smile was too secretive to be comforting, but this was probably the best way to saving her own life.

“Okay,” she replied quickly, “just please, don’t break the necklace…” her hands shook as she unclasped it and placed it into the man’s hands. “That’s a gift from my brother, so I promise you I’ll come and get it whenever you ask.” Yn put her hands on her bar handles before straddling the bike.

“Thank you,” he smiled and put away the baton before fishing out his phone, “put your number in it and call to make sure you’re not fucking with me, yeah?” He tilted his head and softly hummed at the soft sound of her phone vibrating in her bag. “Thank you, yn-chan.”

“No, thank you,” she lightly coughed and waited for him to look back up at her after saving all her contact information. Once he finally looked up, she flinched but proceeded to stare him dead in his lovely irises, “May I have your name… if ya don’t mind that it.”

“Haitani Ran,” the older man laughed and shifted his weight onto his hip, “and I expect you to text me whenever you get the chance.” He turned around and the other members began to follow. For what felt like an eternity, yn finally let out a small breath, well at least until he had turned back around. “Oh!” Haitani-san smiled at her, “Leave it under ‘Ran-senpai’ so your brother and friends don’t get spooked. Don’t want the fun to end before it has barely even started.” With that, he turned back around and waved half-assed before disappearing into the distance.

Yn decided to just to walk the rest of the block because riding the bike has been nothing but bad luck so far. Once at the shop, she sighed and made her way to the back where she knew would be unlocked because no one dared walk up into her big brother’s place of work. Parking her bike, she quickly takes her phone back out with 3 texts from an unknown number.

Unknown: hey little lamb, its yer senpai <3

Unknown: yer probs with yer bro so ill call you later, mm around midnight so stay up

Unknown: text me back soon or I mite accidentally break your pretty necklace and youll have to owe me a big favor for ignoring me :)

“what the actual fuck,” yn whispered as she quickly began typing away. She didn’t know if she be upset with his back-to-back messages treating her like she was his property, or mad at herself for feeling this little need inside of her that wants to please him. Yes, all of the gang members were extremely hot and DANGEROUS, but something about ‘Ran Senpai’ gave her the cold chills; what made it worse was the urge that she possessed to go against all her morals for him.

Yn: hi! Im sorry,, I was just trying to get to my brother’s shop

Yn: wait,, do you know draken-nii?

She tilted her head and rocked lightly from side to side, waiting for a reply instead of going in and surprising her brother like she initially had planned to do. While she waited, she changed his name to ‘Tani Senpai <3’ with a small smile as she imagined Draken freaking out over the fact that a boy has caught her interest. Of course, she wasn’t romantically interested in the man, but his face isn’t one that she would mind seeing from time to time – at a safe distance that is.

Tani Senpai <3: mhm, some good and bad history

Yn: oh?

Tani Senpai <3: you do know curiosity killed the cat, right little lamb?

Yn: you flirt a lot

Yn: how old are you ?

Tani Senpai <3: 28 years young bb

Yn: youre ten whole years older than me?? You look so,, young.

Tani Senpai <3: I have aged, but trust me, I am rather youthful in different aspects.

Yn: do you by chance,, like memes?

Tani Senpai <3: ofc, especially hornee ones.

Yn: haha.. well I gotta go,

Tani Senpai <3: mhm go ahead baby, remember. Midnight <3

Yn: aye aye captain.

She felt another vibration as she placed her phone in her backpack, but she was finally able to see and surprise her brother and that is exactly what she planned to do. Quietly pulling the door open, she noted that the music blaring and Draken’s back was to her as he was fixing up what looked like Pah-chin’s old CBX 400F. It was a cute sight if she was being completely honest; her brother rebuilding his old friendships. She seen the other boys’ bikes lined up too: Draken’s Zephyr, Mitsuya’s little Impulse, Kazu-kun’s Rocket, Mikey’s CB250T, and even the late Baji’s Goki.

“Pah-san still has the old thing,” she decided to speak up instead of tackling her brother, “are you guys gonna give it to some younger kids?” right as she finished her sentence, draken whipped his head back and went to cradle yn to his chest. Suddenly, all of the stinging on her skin had vanished and she was giggling while circling her arms around her brother’s waist. “How are you ya wannabe greaser?”

“I’m doing fine you idiot, how are -,” draken lifted his head to get a good look at her, but all his excitement drained as he was met with a sight of dried blood and scraped skin. “Who the fuck did this to you? I’ll kill them right fucking now, what the hell happened yn?”

“DRAKEN,” he stopped and stared at you expecting an answer, “I tired riding my bike down the big hill by the park and this happened, okay? I’m okay.” She stared at him with a soft expression and relaxed once she noticed he slumped in his posture, “I know you said to stop riding down the hill because it’ll bite me in the ass one day, so I guess today was the day.” Yn laughed and draken tried to fight the small smile that was threatening to fall on his lips.

“Go sit on the counter and watch the store for a bit, I’m gonna get the first aid kit in the back and I guess I’ll patch ya up.” With that, he disappeared into the office hall and left yn to be lost in thought. She had never lied to Draken this heavy before. It might not seem like a big deal to others, but she just told her brother she fell down a hill instead of saying that some /Bonten/ men were just threatening her life 20 minutes ago and they treated her like a dog; well, she didn’t feel that bad anymore, considering that he would have gone and wasted his life against men that played dirty. “Get out of your head, I’m back.” Draken teased her before getting an alcohol wipe and wiping the dried blood, “don’t squirm too much, loser. iss’ gonna sting a bit tho, so try to not hit me.”

It went a lot more smooth than she had expected, yeah, the cleansing wipe and ointment burned, but now she was bandaged and able to not worry about even more blood staining her clothes til they go to the brothel.

“Here,” he handed her a spare shirt and some sweats, “I don’t like seeing you all beat up, makes me want to fight the side walk. You know where the bathroom is.” Draken slightly punched her shoulder before heading back to seat near the bike, “once you’re done, we can go meet the boys for breakfast. I bet yer hungry.”

“Yer the best, ya know that,” yn smiled before taking her bag and clothes to the bathroom. “It won’t be long,” she turned before entering the hall, “make sure the cute one is there!”

“Stop trying to fuck my friends,” Draken called out in an irritated tone as she walked away laughing. It was an ongoing joke yn had played on her brother, where she would pretend to have some crush on his friends and it’d just make him twenty times more protective around them; he never knew if she was serious or not so he had to be cautious.

Once in the bathroom, yn quickly changed into the clothes her brother had lent her and stared at herself in the mirror. She laughed when she realized she kind of looked like one of the main characters from her favorite psychological thrillers. Yn took out her phone and decided to message Mana, mitsuya’s younger sister and yn’s best friend from home, with a picture of her bandaged state and the caption, ‘take out my ankles next time, daddy <3.’ It honestly surprised her to get a reply that fast as Mana was always one to sleep until noon. She didn’t know what scared her more, the fact she sent it the wrong person, or the fact the person knew exactly what she was talking about.

Tani Senpai <3: you look hot like that

Tani Senpai <3: like being called daddy, but in this context arent I supposed to call you mommy or something LMAO

Tani Senpai <3: I can break your ankles with my baton

Tani Senpai <3: make you my little housewife and call you ‘Bum.’

Tani Senpai <3: don’t worry, I won’t turn into ashes ;) <3

“Yn,” Draken called out, “you okay in there?”

“Don’t worry about it nii-Chan,” she giggled in hopes of masking her terror, “just bumped into a wound. I’ll be out soon.”

“Okay,” draken slipped a pad and a tampon under the door, “don’t know if you might want these -,”

“LEAVE YOU IDIOT,” yn genuinely laughed and heard draken’s heavy chuckles through the door, “thank you though, I’ll be out soon.”

“I’ll be outside on the bike, bubs.”

After hearing draken’s foot steps vanish, she quickly began typing.

Yn: that wasn’t meant for you -

Tani Senpai <3: shame, I love killing stalking

Yn: wait,, really? 👀

Tani Senpai <3: mhm,, we’ll talk about it later tonite ‘bum ;)

Yn: .. deal :)

Despite every shitty thing that has happened to her since she got back, it felt as if they were supposed to meet; fate as one would call it. She was offering herself to one of the most dangerous men who rule the underworld, and she didn’t even find herself to minding.

masterlist | next

an: hi hello, hope yer all eating well :)

ryozoro©

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siennahrobek · 3 years

Text

Rex

Rex was exhausted. He wished he didn’t have to think. He was nervous and jittery and there were much too many thoughts running through his head. Even though he didn’t show it, even though no one could possibly know. To everyone else, he was confident and steady as he could ever be.

To make matters worse, communications were on a strict bar and heavily monitored, so he couldn’t check up on the 332ndand Ahsoka. He hoped she was okay. Then again, he doubted Jesse and Echo would be quiet about anything that went wrong. Besides, they were with Master Feemor. Rex couldn’t say he knew much about the jedi who claimed to be General Kenobi’s brother – and he wasn’t entirely sure how that worked – but he seemed kind and good in a fight. He kept Ahsoka’s head level on her shoulders. He wouldn’t really rest until he could reunite with all of them. Rex had been burned by two jedi generals and even though Master Feemor was not a general, Rex was cautious to trust another, especially one that he just met.

The days went by slowly for him and he tried to keep with the survivors of what was left of his battalion. He tried not to think about how many were dead, or worse, how many they hadn’t yet been able to save.

Rex knew, on some level, consciously even, that the jedi weren’t actually abandoning them, his brothers, his troops. Even the 501st. When General Kenobi said they would be back for them, that they were regrouping to make a plan to get them back. Rex believed him.

If there was anyone, he had to be able to believe right now, it was him.

Rex wasn’t sure if he could take another blow like that.

If there was anyone Rex could trust not to betray them, it had to be General Kenobi.

You thought that about General Skywalker once, too a traitorous part of his brain whispered. He tried to shake it off. Surviving another treachery on the level of that of Skywalker; Rex wasn’t sure if he could. Even thinking about it made it hard to breathe. He would keep his faith; it was something to hold on to right now.

But looking at these boys, watching them cry and try to pull themselves together from the horror that they had lived through, some deep, dark part of him cried with them, cried for his brothers that were left behind. The ones he sometimes thought he would never see again.

Escape and evacuation had been the right choice. Rex knew that, on multiple levels and ways. They had warned so many, probably saved quite a few. And Kamino – oh! – all the youngsters and cadets and trainees and tubies, they were being saved as well. The Jedi were coming for them. Or rather, the cadets were coming withthem. Rex was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Alpha-17 had committed mutiny in such a short time frame, just on the mysterious warning of General Kenobi.

Rex was a bit curious how they knew each other.

General Kenobi seemed to know someone from everywhere.

It was the third and final day that Rex had done double takes when he saw one of the survivors. Because even though he knew several of them were from the 501st, they were not actually donning the colors. Rather, suddenly, they were painted in the familiar brother battalion of gold. He didn’t ask any of them. It felt intrusive. It was rather understandable too. Who would want to be a part of a legion under a traitor and the person that had betrayed them? That had brainwashed them into killing children?

The captain-commander (he wasn’t entirely sure if he still held the commander title anymore and he was a bit too tired to care) had stuck around Cody and, by proxy, General Kenobi, in those final moments before they reached Kamino. He stood by the two of them, with a couple other jedi generals milling around the bridge, when the water planet came into view. His anxiety had been wrapped in something warm and comforting, like one of those robes that Cody kept stashing away and giving to the troopers on cold nights. Something that soothed his worries.

He glanced over at his brother, whose shoulders had sagged just a little, in some kind of pleasant feeling, like he didn’t have to stand straight and at attention all times. His gaze drifted towards General Kenobi, who was breathing methodically. In for four. Out for seven. In for four, out for eight.

The jedi was doing this, Rex thought, blinking blankly. After everything, he was projecting something comforting for them. He wondered how far that feeling reached, how many troopers felt it.

Alpha-17 greeting them in his usual gruff manner was no surprise. The man had taught most of them, especially those that were designated as officers of some kind. He had a soft spot for the commander and their class, if Alpha-17 could have anything that remotely resembled a soft spot. He seemed rather friendly with General Kenobi, even getting the jedi to crack a small smile.

Finding out so many generals survived was such a relief.

There were so many.

Which meant so many brothers had survived with them.

Eventually, when he and Cody went back to General Kenobi’s ship, after the meeting, and had a moment of peace, Cody shoved a cup of caf in his hands. The two jedi stayed on the bridge and after their job was done, the two clones had slipped away for a stolen second to calm themselves.

Rex, like a fool, didn’t even ask. He just drank it.

And promptly spit it back out.

“What is that?!”

Cody smirked but his expression was rather warm as he walked down the hall next to him. Their shoulders bumped together as they walked, their pauldrons clanking and making noise as they went along. A few 212th boys passed and chuckled, good-naturedly. “Plague’s illegal whiskey,” he replied, with a shrug, shooting him a knowing glance. “He’s on his last bit and probably won’t be able to get any more. But I figured, if anyone needed something, it would be you.”

“This is… bracing,” Rex forced out, trying to sound nice about it.

“Come on, let’s find a quiet place to sit down,” Cody added with another laugh. “We have a moment before anything crazy happens again and it’s not like we are needed for now.” Rex just followed as his brother led him through the halls until they found a quiet room, just a little storage space, filled with supplies and buckets of paint. Cody pulled out a large, brown robe and gave one to Rex. “It’s one of General Kenobi’s. We collect them and use them as blankets,” he explained Rex’s silent question.

Okay then.

He took the robe and wrapped it around himself. He wasn’t wrong, he completely understood why the brothers would want them as blankets. They were nice. The two of them got settled on the floor near the wall and began nursing their small cups of disgusting alcohol. “I don’t think I want to drink this ever again,” Rex announced, but his voice was a bit quiet.

The commander laughed, lightly. “Well, you probably won’t.”

“This is a weird place to be,” Rex added.

“Most of the usual places are occupied, ya know, with kids and jedi,” Cody explained. “Some have moved over to the other venators and cruisers, to spread the population out a bit. Just in case.”

“Aren’t they chipped?”

“There is a pulse that stops it for a while. I think all the ships have been outfitted with one. Something pretty simple. If anything, suspicious comes near, we can just bring up the pulse,” he explained further. ��And the medics are all starting surgeries. The jedi brought their medical droids which can pretty much do it quick and nonstop.”

Rex nodded, mutely.

“You think Ahsoka is, okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Cody said, near immediately. “She’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. Besides, you said a master was with her right? I’m sure he will keep her in line. I doubt he was so much like Skywalker to cause a bunch of trouble.”

“That’s true,” Rex confessed. “I’m just worried.”

“Do you know anything about this…Master Feemor?” Cody asked, suddenly.

Rex blinked, glanced over at him. “Not really. He seemed nice. He got Ahsoka away from…Skywalker during the battle. He helped save some boys. Seems to have a pretty level head.”

Cody nodded.

“Why?”

“You said he claimed to be General Kenobi’s brother,” Cody replied, slowly.

“I don’t know if he was telling the truth or not,” Rex shrugged. “But I’m sure you will be able to talk to him when he and Ahsoka get back.” The conversation died and the two of them sat comfortably in the storage room, sipping disgusting alcohol. He looked around the room, at the paint buckets, all covered in the 212thsignature gold color. It reminded him of something that happened not that long ago.

“I was walking around, the day before we got here. And I saw one of my boys. He was nervous and skittish. But he was better, less panicked than the day before.”

“Okay…” Cody said, slowly.

“There was something else.”

“What?”

“Instead of his 501st blue, his armor had been meticulously scrubbed and repainted in gold. 212th gold,” Rex admitted.

Cody paused. “Rex…”

“I’m not… mad or upset or anything,” he assured, quickly. And he wasn’t. There was no way he could be. “I’m not upset. How can I? I’ll never really understand what they went through. Enslaved and brainwashed by someone they trusted, someone that they thought they could trust, to murder innocents. The elderly and children and babies. And they did. People died. Children died. And the 501stkilled them.”

“He did it during the night,” Cody explained, his voice getting even quieter, as he wrapped closer to Rex. He knew exactly who Rex was referring to. Rex wasn’t entirely sure how, but it didn’t really matter either. “He was in the pile we had for the general and the survivors to help them sleep. I don’t think he did, though. I didn’t give him the paint.”

They both knew who did.

“It took Graffiti two hours to walk into one of the rooms that were set aside for some of the jedi kids,” Rex continued. Cody blinked in surprise; he wasn’t expecting the story to continue.

“Did you follow him?”

Rex nodded, mutely. It took him a long minute to keep going. “He finally went in after a while and I just… couldn’t quite make myself walk away. The jedi adults there didn’t seem alarmed when he came in. They didn’t say a word to him or ask him why he was there. He just sat in a corner. But then…something happened,” he continued, with his brows furrowing in some kind of confusion. “Something happened that called for the jedi’s attention. She had been holding a child so she just…gave him the child. She was just… a little thing. A baby. And Graffiti just stared.”

Rex paused.

“And then she put his hand on his face. And he just started bawling. He sat in a corner with this baby and was simply sobbing. He muttered apologies and this baby just sat on his lap, in his arms, babbling nonsensical things.”

Cody nodded, another silent urge for his brother to continue. Rex needed to get this out, to get to the end.

“Back at the Temple, when I went to the medical bay during the evacuation, I found Appo there,” Rex said. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this but the not-interaction with the commander had struck him.

“We found him,” Cody said. “The General, another trooper and I. Shoved him in a closet.”

Rex snorted, amused. He quickly sobered up as he continued. “He had killed a five-year-old child and it was ripping him apart. Graffiti reminded me of him when I was there. I watched him and the adults.”

“The adults?”

“They barely blinked. All of them must have known what the troopers had done, probably knew it was the 501st specifically. They know who killed them, their people, their children but these jedi just…let Graffiti in. No questions, no reservations. Just invited him to sit.”

“He was de-chipped,” Cody replied, keeping his voice cautious and slow. No chipped trooper was allowed around the younglings and babies, especially until they had gotten out or surgery. It was a security and safety precaution.

“But, after the horror that happened. They just gave him a baby. Just like that. After what happened, even with the jedi that had no experience with us clones, they still trust us.”

Cody looked at him, uncertainly. Did he not understand what Rex was saying? Even if the troopers forced to do what they did, chipped, which, of course they were, would that not still give them fear? Caution? Paranoia? If it was done once, who was to say it couldn’t be done again? Could they just turn once more?

The thought was just as horrifying as the first time.

“You know what they said on Kamino?” Cody asked.

Rex stared at him as Cody looked up at the ceiling, as if he could see the stars and systems up in the sky they would be going to soon enough.

“How we were made for the jedi? For them to lead us?”

He swallowed harshly and nodded. They had always been told they were meant for the jedi. They had been told so much and the troopers had found some kind of awe and loyalty for them even before they had known any single jedi. “It was a lie,” he croaked. He blinked in surprise. He was surprised that had come out.

Cody just shook his head. “It really wasn’t. And I don’t think anyone really understood exactly what it meant, not the long necks, not anyone.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our futures were always going to be intertwined,” Cody said, leaning further against the wall and letting the robe fall over his shoulders. “It was always going to be us and the jedi. It always will be. Their destruction was meant to be our destruction. Ours meant theirs. Think about it, we are brainwashed, destroyed and who pays that price? The Jedi. The Jedi are destroyed, by us or anyone and who is left for us? No one really understood what the Kaminoans meant, not even the Kaminoans themselves. They didn’t realize it was a two-way street.”

“A two-way street?” he echoed, questioningly. He wasn’t sure if he followed.

“We were meant for the jedi just as much as the jedi were meant for us.”

Shaak Ti

It wasn’t Master Kenobi’s ship that was hit but they had a front row seat to the event. Master Shaak Ti and Master Cin Drallig had been on the bridge for quite some time, trying to coordinate and plan when, in plain sight through the viewing port, another ship in space rocked, one of the edges lighting up in a small explosion.

Everyone on the bridge jumped, some even shouted.

“Stamina, come in!” one of the communications troopers yelled. “Stamina, respond, what is your status?”

There was brief moment of bare static. “We’re okay. We are alright,” a voice came through. “It was a glancing blow; systems are still operational.”

“Does anyone have eyes? What happened?” the trooper called out again, quickly. There was a pause.

“A ship came out of hyperspace,” yet another voice spoke up, a bit on edge. “It is on fire. It doesn’t look like it is going to fire again but we cannot establish communications.”

“We need someone to go in there to incapacitate those on board. They could be chipped. Any available to get in quickly? Who is closest?”

“Vigilance, this is Captain ARC Alpha-77,” the sound was a little off, like the owner was moving and the communications device he was talking through wasn’t quite made for the distance. “I’ve already got a squad ready to go and on the move. Will be there within minutes.”

“Set your blasters to stun, please,” the trooper on the ship replied and his fingers danced over the board of his station.

It would be quite some time before Shaak Ti and Master Drallig would get anymore news. There was an uncomfortable silence during then, as they waited uneasily for an update.

“Vigilance, this is Captain ARC Alpha-77,” the ARC’s voice came through, a little clearer this time. Everyone perked at least a little. “The ship Ascension has been neutralized, activated troopers are being shuttled to medical stations, along with two jedi.”

“Any others?”

“Several natborn officers. Orders?”

The trooper glanced at Shaak Ti and Cin. She cleared her throat. “Please, put them in the brig with the others from Kamino.”

“You hear that, Captain ARC Alpha-77?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Status of the ship?”

“Unsalvageable.”

“How did this happen?” Cin asked, as the bridge died down in sound and talk once again. They could see the offending ship, on fire and slowly breaking apart from their viewport.

“The Captain mentioned there were two jedi aboard,” Shaak Ti replied. “Perhaps they can give us some insight into that has occurred.”

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t mean the Empire is right on their tail.”

“How long until we can depart?”

Master Obi-Wan pressed into the bridge of his own flagship, the ARC trooper captain, Alpha-17, at his side. Many emotions were flowing from the master as he quickly tempered them behind thick shields. Shaak Ti and Cin Drallig were on the ship, discussing a great many things, including strategies to avoid the newly formed Empire as they gathered their family and friends, as well as the mess of the ship that had come in, fired a shot and was burning to pieces. It had been evacuated, with all those still alive, but no one was sure how it happened. Shaak Ti and Cin had went back and forth with some theories. They had stopped talking once Obi-Wan had entered, his face drawn and tired, with someone else that was weighing on his shoulders.

“Are you alright, Master Kenobi?” she asked. He glanced around and settled on her, his gaze slackening and softening at the sight of her. She was glad he could find some semblance of peace with his fellow jedi, her in particular. She was always happy to help in such a way.

“You have heard about the ship on fire that took a shot at one of ours?” he asked.

They both nodded, as Shaak Ti saw in the corner of her eye. “It didn’t harm the ship too badly. A group of soldiers, led by one of the ARC Alphas, Captain 77? I believe? He and a select few others went to subdue,” Master Drallig responded, his lips pursed at the notion of the unfortunate event but his tone reflected his gratitude for those who had gone in. “They worked quite quickly.”

“We don’t know how they discovered us so quickly,” Master Shaak Ti added, folding her hands over one another.

“They didn’t,” Master Obi-Wan replied. “Ahsoka decided to take over the bridge of an activated ship and took Master Feemor along with her,” he explained.

Cin stiffened.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Master Feemor is critical but on the medical ship Master Vos brought,” Obi-Wan continued. “He is with Ahsoka and getting checked out, but she appears unharmed.”

“Casualties?” Cin asked.

“Uncertain,” Obi-Wan said stiffly.

“I’ll go find Fordo and get the numbers,” Captain Alpha-17 dipped his head and marched off. Shaak Ti paused and put the two identities together. Obi-Wan took a moment to watch him leave. She wondered if he preferred that he stayed, on some level. He seemed rather comfortable with that.

“I’m not sure if they got a distress call or anything back to Coruscant or another fleet,” he added, keeping himself steady as he spoke. “How soon can the evacuation and preparations be done?”

He looked around the bridge.

He’s asking the troopers, Shaak Ti realized. He’s so used to working with them.

She wasn’t entirely sure if that was a blessing or a curse.

How many jedi would be the same way?

She was to, in a way, but she wasn’t often on the battlefield like so many of the others were. She had been in charge of training and organizing squads, alongside Commander Colt and, sometimes, Captain Alpha-17.

“I’ve been keeping up with the numbers and reports, sir,” a trooper by a station over the side of the bridge called out and looked over at him. “Preparations are finished, all equipment, rations and available resources are buckled up. They are loading up the last of the troopers onto the last of the ships, the Comeback and the Believer,” he reported, easily.

“Thank you, Crys,” Obi-Wan smiled, faintly. “Do we have a timetable?”

“Within the hour sir, I’d reckon,” Crys replied. “Give or take thirty minutes, pending ship complications.”

“Excellent,” Obi-Wan nodded. “Do we know the closest fleet to rendezvous with?”

“Already calculated a comprehensive route, general,” another trooper chimed in. “Plugged in and ready to be shifted on command.”

“Good, Bloom. Thank you.”

Shaak Ti glanced over and caught Cin Drallig’s smirk.

“Is anyone communicating with other ships? I’d like to leave the moment we can, as closely together as we can,” he continued, eyes sweeping the area.

“I’ve been on it, sir!”

“Inkspot. I was wondering where you have been,” Obi-Wan chuckled, shooting the trooper a smile, who grinned back at him.

“Just trying to help out sir,” Ink responded, cheerily. “The 212th have been great. I’ve already told the fleet to button up and prepare to move on command.”

“They have the next coordinates,” Bloom added. “Menace is helping out on the Endurance, putting together coordinates and communications with any jedi we can get a hold of.”

“Just waiting on the Comeback and the Beleiver,” Crys added.

Obi-Wan nodded. “Good. Good,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Where is Immortal and his death caf when you need it,” he muttered under his breath.

Shaak Ti and Cin glanced at one another curiously just as a trooper sidled to Kenobi’s side, with a cup and pot in hand. The grin on the clone’s face was knowing and mischievous and just a bit smug. “Thought you might want this, sir.”

Obi-wan brightened as the cup was given to him, cupped in his hands with a flash of relief that went through his expression. “Are you sure you are not a telepathic deity, Immortal? Because I do believe you just read my mind.”

The trooper laughed. “Not a telepathic deity, sir. I just know you, and happened to be around. Figured you would need something. Pure coincidence.”

“The will of the Force, perhaps. I do thank you, my dear Immortal.”

“You’ll catch your death that way, general,” Crys called back, good naturedly.

“Please, the general is of the same type as Immortal. He doesn’t die,” Bloom scoffed but he was grinning wide.

“Yeah,” another sniggered. “Have you learned nothing of the Rako Hardeen incident?”

“General Kenobi does not cheat death,” someone jeered, happily, but even Shaak Ti could practically hear the grin and she was inwardly gaping.

What was happening?

“He wins fair and square!” another finished and several cheered with varying high fives near one another, like it was some sort of victory.

Shaak Ti glanced over at Obi-Wan and Cin was doing the same. The young master just rolled his eyes. “You are all rather ridiculous,” he snorted but he was vaguely amused and it showed.

“Who’s death jokes are they doing now, general?”

The three jedi turned around to see Obi-Wan’s commander walking up to his side, wrinkling his nose at the jedi’s cup of caf. Shaak Ti recognized the 501st captain Rex with him. The commander frowned a bit.

“Ah, yours apparently. Your drinking Immortal’s…special blend.”

“I think the situation calls for it,” Obi-Wan shrugged and took a sip.

Shaak Ti, standing nearby, caught a wiff of it and startled. It smelled terrible; she couldn’t imagine how it must taste.

“Would you like a cup, general,” Immortal offered to her.

She almost felt bad for declining, but she couldn’t even imagine trying to taste something that smelled rather vile. “Ah…no thank you trooper.”

Besides her, Master Drallig shrugged. “I’ll try it.”

The other troopers around stared in near rapt attention as Immortal offered him a cup. After a tentative sniff, Master Drallig swallowed a gulp successfully.

“That is…atrocious,” he said, shaking his head. “You like this, Master Kenobi?”

Obi-Wan shrugged. “Sometimes helps keep me awake. You know, alert and focused.”

“Certainly,” Master Drallig added, nearly coughing as he took another swallow. “This… cannot be healthy.”

“Oh, it is not,” a trooper sniggered.

“Only beskar stomachs can keep it down.”

“It appears you do, General Drallig.”

“Hey! You gotta wait twenty minutes, at least. If he doesn’t throw up, then he’s good.”

Shaak Ti couldn’t help but be incredibly amused. “Is this what your ship is always like?” she mused out loud.

Obi-Wan shrugged, gulping down some caf. “I cannot complain. They are excellent men, in both capability, disposition and spirit.”

Both she and Cin laughed. “Agreed,” the conceded in unison.

“Sir!” Bloom shouted, apologies seeping through his tone quickly. “There are incoming ships, trying to contact Kamino.”

Obi-Wan stiffened. “How long do the Comeback and Believer need to move?”

“Not long, sir. Fifteen minutes, perhaps?”

“Tell Commander Colt and the others to jump. We will buy them some time.”

“Every face around the bridge hardened in determination and agreement. Loyal to the end, Shaak Ti thought. Inkspot and several others began sending the message to jump to hyperspace towards their first stop.

“Arm the cannons, make an announcement,” Obi-Wan ordered smoothly. “Prepare to fire upon command.”

“Prepare to launch fighters, sir?” Commander Cody asked.

“Prepare but wait for command. If we can make a quick getaway, we should.”

“Yes sir.”

A ship leapt forth out of hyperspace. Obi-Wan ordered their ship to block the enemy’s path, intending to give the other ships time and space to escape. Shaak Ti glanced at Cin and met his gaze. He nodded. This was okay. If they gave their lives here, as the others escaped with theirs, that would be an acceptable death.

Obi-Wan leaned forward. “Unknown vessel, identify yourself immediately.”

There was a pause.

“If you do not comply, I will be forced to open fire,” he added with a bitter lip curl and a snarl.

“Easy, Admiral,” the other voice crackled through the communications. “We picked up a call from a venator that disappeared from Courscant a few days ago.”

“Unfortunately, the vessel Ascension has been decommissioned,” Obi-Wan responded without pause, a bit flat. “There was a drive malfunction and she exploded.”

“Admiral?” Cin muttered under his breath, confused.

“I will repeat myself, identify yourself.”

“Oh. I am Captain Thvidm,” the voice replied, calmly. “I see you bear the mark of the Open Circle fleet, one of the 212th’s ships, the Vigilance, also left Coruscant space a few days ago.”

“That would be us,” he affirmed.

“Did you execute your traitor?”

“Pardon?”

“Your jedi general is a traitor. Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi usually leads the 212thpersonally. Have the clones dealt with him?”

Obi-Wan paused and bristled at the tone.

“Obi-Wan,” Cin warned, quietly.

“Sir?”

“Affirmative,” Obi-Wan ground out.

“Oh that is good,” the other man sighed in what could only be construed as relief. “He was one of the high-profile ones, one of the worse traitors. I’m glad he is gone, he is rather dangerous and a ruthless general. At least we have General Skywalker on our side. He defected from the traitors, stopped an attempt on the Emperor’s life if you can believe it.”

“Ruthless,” Commander Cody muttered under his breath, flatly.

Obi-Wan scowled. “Oh, I can.”

“He is loyal to the Empire,” Thvidm continued. “Where there any survivors?”

“Pardon?” Obi-Wan startled.

“On the ship, where the hyperdrive exploded. The Ascension? Were there any survivors?”

“Ah yes. They are currently being treated.”

“Is there a reason you are here, Admiral?” Captain Thivdm asked, almost cautiously. Master Kenobi narrowed his eyes, now quite suspicious at the change of subject and clear tone.

“As much as I doubt that is any of your business,” Master Kenobi responded, firmly. “Captain, you know what happened with my ship. You know what happened with the Ascension. What warrants this line of questioning?”

“The Jedi have escaped,” the captain responded, drawing out his tone and speech. “And from our scanners, ships are leaving the system by the dozens, there is little life on the planet left where there should be many soldiers. And like I said, the jedi escaped Coruscant. They had to use some ship to get off the planet.”

Obi-Wan glanced at one of the troopers, making a sign with his hands. “What are you suggesting, captain?”

“I’m thinking that the Vigilance did not take out the traitor and have been harboring criminals,” the captain accused, vitriol on his tongue in such spades, it could be heard over the comm.

Obi-Wan glanced around at them, sweeping over Shaak Ti and Cin before furthering towards the bridge. “Status of the Comeback and the Believer,” he muttered, away from the comm but loud enough for the rest of them to hear.

“Everything is buttoned up and ready to go sir,” one of the troopers said, carefully trying to keep his voice out of communications. “Jumping within the minute.”

The jedi nodded. “Captain Thidvm, we are leaving the planet. Any efforts to stop us will be met with firepower. I would suggest you leave it alone,” he announced, loud and bold through the comm to the other ship.

“You are Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan nodded.

The captain’s voice went quiet. “Fire upon will.”

“Now,” Obi-Wan replied, nearly at the same moment.

And in that moment, several cannons fired.

But the Vigilance was gone then, with nothing but dust left behind.

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pilot-boi · 3 years

Text

Fifth Wheel

In my version of what happens post-Atlas, Jaune and Marrow have a talk about things that should be simple, but actually aren’t. Boats and sunsets and feelings galore, and maybe Marrow learning that it’s okay to belong to something.

AO3 LINK

It’s been about a week. Not that long in the grand scheme of things, but after Marrow’s whole world managed to fall down in a couple of hours, a week was a long time.

A week since Ironwood was arrested. A week since Atlas fell. A week since Marrow gave up on pretending that siding with Atlas was anything short of horrible.

He’d given up on following the orders of people who didn’t care about the people they were supposed to be protecting. He’d given up on the people who thought that a “shoot to kill” order against a bunch of kids was an okay order to follow.

A bunch of kids, ha. What a joke. He wasn’t much older than these so-called kids. And Marrow didn’t doubt for a second that if he’d been on the wrong side of that order, his former comrades wouldn’t have hesitated to fire on him, too.

They’d allowed those three to storm that whale. By themselves. How could he possibly claim that they were on the right side of history after Arc had to beg to be allowed to march straight into enemy territory? All to rescue a friend that the General had written off as “an acceptable loss.”

So he’d left. Without much fanfare, what with the whole world falling down around everyone’s ears in more ways than one. Marrow had helped them in the end, and they’d welcomed him with mostly open arms. Some animosity was expected, and he didn’t begrudge them of it for a second.

Team RWBY, as they’d been known at Beacon, were mostly amicable but still distant. He hadn’t really been friends with them before martial law was declared, at least not past casual coworkers. So they were kind and friendly, but mostly left him alone.

However Team ALPN, as they’d dubbed themselves, added him to their little family faster than he could blink. The supposedly professionally-clinical friendship that he’d had with Arc before wasn’t nearly as professionally-clinical as he’d thought. Jaune smoothed the transition by simply accepting him without a second glance, and Marrow couldn’t be more grateful.

He did wish he could stop feeling guilty though.

Every time Oscar winced when he moved wrong and one of his still healing injuries twinged, Marrow had to fight to stop his traitorous tail from drooping. Every time he caught sight of Nora’s scars he had to hide a flinch. Every time he was in a room with Ren, Marrow froze, certain that the kid was somehow going to find out more of the things he was trying to keep hidden.

And every time Jaune so much as glanced his way, Marrow had to avert his eyes to avoid eye contact and the damn feeling that the kid was x-raying him. His black-haired teammate was supposed to be the one who could read feelings, why was Jaune the one who he couldn’t keep eye contact with without feeling like he was reading him like an open book?

And always it ended with a look of sort of understanding, sort of pity, and more and more of the concerned glances. With how many of them Jaune kept giving him, he probably wasn’t hiding any of it as well as he’d hoped. That kid was too much of a worrier for his own good.

A message over the faulty CCT. Some of the kid’s friends were in trouble in Vacuo. With another Relic in tow, they’d set out at once, and Marrow had been allowed to tag along. That was a week ago.

A week of traveling, of worry for the future and fear of the past, and of trying to figure out where he fit in his new “team”. A week of slowly building up the courage to just talk to these kids like the friends they clearly saw him as.

After the events of a few days ago, everyone had been needing their space. Marrow could understand that, so he’d made himself scarce in the central gathering areas. He might not have been at the Fall of Beacon, but he’d seen enough of the footage and read enough of the reports to know that this had to have opened some old wounds for the kids.

Wandering the deck of their ship had become a pastime of his. He’d never really seen much of the world outside of Atlas, and seeing the water look more green and warm than steely and cold was more odd than he could put into words.

It was like his hair had decided to become liquid, which was the weirdest thought he’d had in years. Although judging by the sort of passing comments he’d heard from Nora and Ruby, it appeared that thinking irrationally came with the territory of associating (read: being almost friends) with these kids.

Currently, he was sitting perched on the railing of the ship, uniform jacket lying abandoned beside him. Double insulated, top of the line, silver buttons, expertly tailored. The mark of an Ace-Op.

A former Ace-Op. He’d defected and so no longer legally had the right to wear the uniform, but he had no other clothes. On a different note, he felt more than a little awkward wearing the uniform of the military that had knowingly abandoned the majority of its civilian population, and had instigated a retreat plan that involved leaving said civilian population to the proverbial dogs.

Plus it was just too freaking hot to wear right now. The ocean from Solitas to Sanus was no tundra, that was for sure.

“Mind if I join you?” came a voice to his left, shocking Marrow out of his thoughts. Only years of training kept him from pitching over the side of the ship into the frothy water below.

It was just Jaune, out of his armor for once, and looking like his smile had only just now been wiped away by Marrow probably looking like he was having a heart attack. They stared at each other for a few seconds, time ticking irrevocably onwards, Marrow’s brain simply refusing to process whatever the hell Jaune had just said.

A few more seconds passed, mostly consisting of Jaune just staring at him like he expected some kind of response. “Did you need something?” Marrow eventually asked, wincing at the edge that he hadn’t meant to put into his voice.

“Can I join you.”

“Oh. Oh yeah! Yeah sure, whatever,” Marrow replied quickly, “I mean if you want.”

“Thanks.” Jaune leant his forearms on the railing, wrists crossed, one ankle hooked around the other. He would’ve seemed perfectly casual if Marrow couldn’t see the tension in his shoulders and the dark circles under his eyes as clear as day. Kid wasn’t taking this any better than the rest of them.

The wind over the ocean ruffled his blonde hair and caught the red sash at his waist. Eyes that seemed to reflect both the sky above and the sea below stared out over the waves. Freckles that could never have been caused by the harsh cold sun of Solitas dusted their way across his cheeks and down his arms and-

-And Marrow abruptly realized he was staring and returned to gazing determinedly out over the waves.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, simply existing in each other’s presence. Jaune didn’t attempt to start a conversation, for which Marrow was supremely grateful. He honestly didn’t know what he would say in response even if a conversation started.

It was an awkward comfortable kind of silence. Teetering on the edge of concerning and companionable. But eventually Marrow found himself relaxing and settling back into the semi-slumped over posture he’d been in before Jaune walked up. His tail started to sway with the rhythm of the boat, but he put a stop to that as soon as it began moving.

“Ya know,” Jaune suddenly spoke, and Marrow froze. Still not taking his eyes off the ocean, he said “You don’t hafta do that.”

“Do what?” he couldn’t help asking, looking over at him in confusion.

“Your tail, you don’t have to stop it from… doing whatever it does or whatever,” Jaune explained vaguely, glancing away from the ocean to meet his gaze. Eyes too wide and too discerning, Marrow could only maintain eye contact for a second before returning his gaze to the waves.

“Yeah well, maybe I want to,” he replied, a little defensively. No, wait he wasn't getting defensive. Why would he be getting defensive? “Why do you care anyway? It’s not like it affects you.”

“That’s true,” Jaune conceded, shifting so his weight was resting on his other foot. “It just seems like it might get irritating after a while, to have to think about it all the time.”

Marrow resolutely kept his eyes on the ocean, not acknowledging what Jaune had said. “It’s fine.” He sighed, slumping a little. “I’ve gotten used to it.” This time he couldn’t keep the tinge of dejection out of his voice.

“Hey,” Jaune said sharply all of a sudden, voice more hard than it had been before. “Just because you’ve gotten used to it doesn’t mean you should’ve had to.”

Marrow hesitated at that, brow furrowing in confusion. “What?” he asked, turning to face the other. “What the heck does that mean?”

Jaune’s determined expression faltered slightly and he grinned sheepishly for a moment. “Yeah, wasn’t my best line I have to admit,” he shrugged, returning his gaze to the ocean and rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. Marrow didn’t turn away.

“So?” he prompted after a moment of silence.

“What?”

“What did you mean?”

“Oh! I guess…” Jaune paused to collect his thoughts, something that Marrow had already seen do several times. Even after only a couple weeks of knowing each other, Marrow could already tell that sometimes Jaune’s mouth went faster than his brain could keep up with.

“I guess what I meant was…” He kept his eyes trained on the waves, brow furrowed in some emotion that Marrow couldn’t identify. “...Was that Atlas freaking sucks for making you feel like you had to suppress a signal of how you’re feeling, just to fit in.”

Oh.

That was anger.

That expression was anger, anger on Marrow’s behalf.

Like the righteous anger Jaune had shown on the tundra when they’d refused to help the citizens of Mantle escape the river of Grimm. Like the desperate anger Jaune had expressed after nearly being denied permission to rescue Oscar. Like the raging anger Jaune had screamed at Ironwood after finding out that his friends had been injured and hunted on the General’s orders.

All in defense of someone or something the blonde cared about. Jaune wore his emotions on his sleeve, as far as Marrow could tell. He’d never seen someone’s face be so expressive, without even a hint that Jaune was trying to hide anything he felt.

But now that anger was targeted at someone else, and Marrow was the one who was being defended. With that same fire in his eyes.

“Sorry if I’m overstepping!” Jaune started backpedaling after Marrow didn’t respond. “Jeez, I probably just shouldn't have said anything, right?”

“No!” Marrow interjected. “No. It’s fine.” He unhooked his ankles around the railing beneath him and slumped slightly. “You’re right,” Marrow admitted reluctantly, kicking his feet and staring at the water below.

“I am?” Jaune asked, sounding astounded, and even without looking, Marrow could tell that Jaune had looked away from the waves.

Yeah, he was right, and that was a whole different thing he needed to unpack at a later date. But for now… for now he needed to ask…

“Why do you even care?” Marrow refused to look away from the water now, certain that Jaune was giving him one of those wide-eyed looks that he didn’t know what to do with. “It’s my tail after all, not yours.” My feelings, not yours. My institutionalized suppression, not yours.

“I guess I don’t really care,” Jaune admitted, and Marrow had to admit that hurt. He didn’t really know why it hurt, but it was definitely going on the pile of things not to unpack later. If he slumped any further, he was going to fall off the damn boat, and honestly he didn’t know if that was a bad outcome. “It is your tail, so it’s by all rights your business.”

“I guess partially I relate a little bit, but...” he admitted and hesitated again. A little astonished that they could possibly share common ground on something like this, Marrow risked a glance at him. That same damned look of sort of understanding, sort of pity.

“But man it’s not your tail I care about,” Jaune clarified, smiling softly at him, and Marrow didn’t know what exactly he’d done to earn that smile, “I couldn’t care less about that, I care about you.”

Gods above what the sweet hell was Marrow supposed to do with that?!

“Why?” Marrow heard himself ask from wherever the shock had sent his brain.

Jaune looked honestly taken aback by that, mouth slightly agape, eyes wide, eyebrows raised high enough that they were threatening to escape into his hairline. In any other situation Marrow might have laughed.

While Jaune pondered his question, Marrow’s brain struggled to process Jaune’s frankly ridiculous claim.

They were on the same team, fine. He’d been pleased to find that they didn’t insist on keeping the kind of distant professionalism that the Ace-Ops had always enforced. But Marrow clearly didn’t fit into the dynamic the four of them had set up.

He was the odd one out, the Atlesian defective, adopted into team ALPN because he had nowhere else to go. Academy teams were made up of four people: five was right out. It was just logical that with them already having bonds forged from fighting for their freaking lives, that Marrow be the odd one out.

On top of all that, they’d barely known each other for a month. A month during which Marrow had actively aided the former leader of the Atlesian military stage a coup and hunt down any and all of Jaune’s friends for treason.

And now Jaune was claiming to care about him? All with that damned smile on his face.

“Why wouldn’t I care about you?” Jaune eventually asked, not even bothering to hide the confusion in his voice.

“Answering with a question,” Marrow noted, a ghost of a smile on his lips for the first time in this conversation that had gone nowhere near where he thought it was going.

“Yeah shut up.” Jaune rolled his eyes. “Asking why I care is like…” he fumbled for the words for a moment. “...is like asking why the sun comes up in the morning, or why water is wet, or why the moon is shattered.”

“But you know why the moon is shattered.”

“Yes! Still shut up!” Jaune waved away his comments, the look of worried confusion finally being replaced by the sort of sad smile again. “I care because I do, okay? It’s just who I am.”

But that wasn’t the answer Marrow wanted to hear, because he needed concrete reasons and evidence. Wishy-washy “Because” wasn’t going to do, he needed to know the reasons why.

“But if it helps,” Jaune amended, and Marrow perked up unconsciously. “I care because you’re a great guy, and because quite honestly I think you need someone to just care about you without strings attached.”

That… maybe Marrow could work with that. No strings attached sounded nice.

“And I also care because you’re part of my team, and ‘round here that means something,” Jaune said, the ‘not like in Atlas’ going unspoken. “So you’re just gonna have to deal with it, because it’s not going away any time soon!”

His eyes were shining again. That same fire from when he’d been angry on Marrow’s behalf, angry at people who weren’t even here to see his expression. His eyes were shining, his shoulders were set defiantly, and even still leaning on the railing he looked like he was prepared to keep arguing the point until Marrow conceded. Fighting until he understood.

But he didn’t understand it. And he also didn’t understand why Jaune looked so upset. The silence stretched on. Marrow had no words, and it seemed like Jaune had nothing more to say. What was he supposed to say to all of that? What kind of response was an appropriate freaking follow up?

Marrow dropped Jaune’s gaze and went back to staring out over the waves. The sun was starting to set. Had they really been out here for that long?

“Thank you,” Marrow eventually said, voice quiet enough that he half hoped that Jaune wouldn’t hear. He may not understand it, but he could accept that for whatever reason, Jaune Arc had chosen to care about him.

Even though that was not how it was supposed to work. And even though that was not how it was supposed to work, somehow all of Marrow’s carefully built defenses had been chipped away. X-rayed away by eyes that reflected the sky and the sea.

Out of the corner of his eye Marrow could see Jaune un-tense. “No problem,” the blonde responded, matching Marrow’s volume. Relief was coloring his words, and Marrow had to wonder why. It was like Jaune had half-expected Marrow to fight him at the end of his heartfelt speech or something.

The sun sank lower to the horizon, and the two of them lapsed back into the companionable silence that they’d started the conversation with. But now the awkwardness was gone, and Marrow frankly had no idea why. It was like some invisible wall had come down.

“I meant it ya know,” Jaune murmured, some unknown amount of time later. “What I said before, I wasn’t just saying it. I meant it.”

Marrow glanced over at him. The wind ruffled his hair and caught his sash. Freckles danced their way across his cheeks and speckled the arms he was resting his chin on. His eyes were on the horizon, watching the sun sink into the ocean, blue eyes alight with the fire from the distant star.

He looked worried. Brows pushed together, eyes intent on the sinking sun. The bags were still under his eyes and the tension still hadn’t left his friend’s posture. Marrow realized with a start that he was one of Jaune’s worries.

The realization didn’t send him spiraling into confusion like it might have done earlier in the day.

“I know you meant it.” And although Marrow didn’t know what the little bundle of emotions he felt in the pit of his stomach meant, he knew with every fiber of his being that Jaune Arc meant it when he said that he cared.

And if a soft smile crossed his lips and if his tail swayed a little faster than the rhythm of the boat, who was to say?

#rwby #jaune arc #marrow amin #guard dogs #my writing #mine #fifth wheel #heartwood au

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deepwaterwritingprompts · 3 years

Note

ooh ask day! are you working on any of your own writing at the moment? what excites you about it? is your writing similar to your prompts in any way? or do the prompts fulfill something else for you?

mainly im working on getting my first novel published, which you can read about HERE. otherwise, the sequel, an adult fiction project, and an urban fantasy type YA about a town called florida. in florida. Florida, florida.

Florida project, working title BORDERLINE, is the most in line with my general prompt vibe here. a little cosmic horror, bent reality, just generally odd.

I never write stuff based off the prompts, but I DO write prompts based off my own stuff, very occasionally. for me, writing prompts is like scales for a musician. keeps my brain well oiled.

*still taking asks, no requests please*

anyway, ive been working on Florida project a lot lately. have an excerpt:

Backpage:

Lin O’Leary was born and raised in the town of Florida, Florida, tucked away into a corner of the state’s forgotten coast. All the locals know Florida is a strange place, rumored to stand on a borderline, where the veil is thin and mysterious forces wander alongside the human population. The daughter of Irish and Mexican immigrants, Lin knows you can only find trouble if you go looking for it, and like the rest of Florida’s residents, lives comfortably alongside the supernatural. This is before Momoko Kasahara disappears into thin air, frightening the town of Florida into a new, ultra-cautious existence. Five years after Momo’s disappearance, Lin is seventeen, a highschool dropout now working at a convenience store, her once vibrant town still plagued by fear. The days drag by, mundane as they come in Florida, occasionally punctuated by unpleasant visits from Bo Kasahara, brother to Momo and full time asshole. Then, one fateful late shift, Lin sees the missing Kasahara twin standing in the aisles, gone as quickly as she appeared. Meanwhile, a stranger arrives from California, claiming to be a paranormal investigator hellbent on uncovering the mysteries of Florida, and suddenly Lin is faced with a choice. Be smart and keep her head down, or dive headlong into the strange mist that so often covers Florida, to rescue Momo Kasahara, and return her town to the way she remembers it.

1. 100% humidity feels like breathing underwater.

L I N

Florida ate Momoko Kasahara on the most miserable day of the year, and washed her down with a thunderstorm. A lot of other important things happened that day, but Momo’s disappearance overshadowed them all. Momo was the coolest girl in our class. She had shiny black hair that ran down to her waist. She liked to wear a different flavor of lip gloss every day of the week, and could sing in Japanese. I was on my way home from the beach when I saw the police cars in her driveway, and her twin brother sitting on the porch, painted purple in the twilight.

He shook his head, at me, slow, and all the sound seemed to drain out of the world. The flashing police lights distorted his face, as bright white clouds passed too quickly above us. The whole scene drove a stake of wrongness hard into my chest. Sometimes even now, I dream about it. Bo and I watching each other. The dead silence. The purple light. The too white clouds. And Momo, eaten. For the first time in my life, I was afraid of my own town.

My name is Lin O’leary. I live in Florida, Florida, a nothing sort of place crammed into an extra forgotten corner of the state’s already forgotten coast. Some days I can forget about Momo, and everything that happened in the hours before she vanished. Heff says I’m good at keeping my eyes closed, even when they’re open.

I really wish he were right.

2. Cloudy with a chance of hotdogs (haunted).

J U L I E N

I was standing in front of the worst building I had ever seen. Slab grey and full of sharp edges, additions had been slapped onto every side until it resembled an impossible puzzle piece. The front windows were crowded with signs for cold beer and hot food, but the glass itself was opaque. It was a convenience store from hell, a collection of stationary parts so nonsensical I was worried it might grow a few new alcoves if I blinked. Above the door, an unintelligible sign in complicated neon cursive flashed electric blue. There was a neon clock too, flickering wildly, just striking twelve.

I must have walked halfway across town, and as far I could tell this was the only place that sold food at all, let alone past three in the morning. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. My stomach was a mess, and haunted convenience store hot dogs could only make it worse. I fished my phone out of my pocket, but the little service I had was, like the midnight clock above me, barely clinging to existence, my map application nothing more than a collection of beige squares. There was no one around. The sky was intensely dark, a pitch black blanket of clouds. Water hung thick in the air, the night time street so quiet I could almost hear beads of sweat sliding down my already slick face. No, there was nothing for it. I needed directions.

The bell above the door made a strange, flat sound as I pressed inside. If the building was weird from the outside, that was nothing to its interior. The shelves, tall and numerous, had been arranged like maze walls. The overhead lights were blinding, stark white, and every other tile on the floor was mismatched. Some were squares of carpet. The only thing really visible from the entrance was the register, a fortress made of dark wood and surrounded by lottery advertisements. Behind the counter, a girl was reading something intently. As I got closer, I saw it was the back of a box of oatmeal.

“Hi,” I said, adjusting the duffel bag that had been crushing my left shoulder for an hour.

The girl nodded, but didn’t look up. She had thin black hair, pin straight and chin length. Her skin was a warm, golden brown. Her shirt said something in miniscule writing, but my glasses were a little foggy, so I would have had to practically press my face to her chest to read it, which didn’t seem like a great first impression.

“Can you help me? I’m looking for the Fahrenheit Motel. I think it’s supposed to be around here.”

Finally, she glanced at me.

“It’s just around the corner. See the glasses store across the street? Go straight past that and make the second left, you’ll run right into it.”

She pointed out the window, and I realized they were one way.

“Who built this place?” I asked.

She shrugged.

“We’ve had a lot of owners. Everyone adds something new.”

There was something off about her. Like we were talking, but mentally she was still

reading the box of oatmeal.

“I’m Julien,” I said, sticking out a hand. She raised her eyebrows before taking it.

“Lin,” she said, with another small nod.

Her face was round, but her features were knife sharp. I wondered what she looked like angry. Maybe that was a really weird thing to think.

Not wanting to ask for a second set of directions, I wandered around the store for thirty minutes before returning to the counter with a gallon of chocolate milk and a bag of seaweed flavored potato chips.

“I can’t believe you have these. I didn’t think you could find them outside of California.”

Instead of replying, Lin held up the chocolate milk.

“There’s no fridge in your room at the Fahrenheit. You know that right?”

“I was told on the phone… ” I started.

“There’s a fridge, but it’s in the lobby, communal. Kimmy’ll drink this.” She gave the milk a little shake before scanning it. “Just warning you.”

“Thanks,” I said, as she stuffed my things in a smiling shopping bag.

I paused on my way out.

“Goodnight,” I said, “Or, good morning I guess.”

Lin stared at me, then glanced at the box of oatmeal and back.

“Morning,” she said, with a sigh.

***

I followed Lin’s directions, and wound up at last in front of a long, low building sporting a vacancies sign. Even in low light I could see about a hundred sad looking plastic flamingos had been stuck all over the lawn, the bushes, even the gravel path that led to the front door. I had to pick my way around them on approach.

There was no one at the front desk. The reception area was lit only by the green blue light coming from an enormous fishtank that didn’t seem to have any fish in it. As I approached the counter, I noticed someone had left the key to my room out for me, next to a scrap of paper bearing the wifi password. I picked up the key, old and brass, then watched the fishtank for a second, before turning around and experiencing heart failure.

A very old woman with wiry black hair was standing there in her nightgown, arms crossed and frowning at me. She didn’t apologize for nearly sending me to my grave.

“I’m up. I can check you in properly,” she said, shuffling past me. “I’m Kimmy, but you can call me Miss Kimmy. You got ID?”

I dug it out of my wallet while she opened a dusty guest book.

“The reservation is for Julien True,” I said.

Miss Kimmy glanced at the ID I had just handed her.

“That’s not what this says.”

“I know. It’s a stage name,” I admitted, “everything else is correct.”

She raised an eyebrow to herself, but didn’t ask any more questions.

“Now listen,” she said finally, shutting the guest book with a snap. “I’ll be honest, there’s not much to do around here. There’s a bus runs to the state forest during the day, and the beach isn’t going anywhere. If you’re hungry that’s too bad for the most part, unless you feel like walking down to Morton’s.”

“Is that the weird looking building? One way windows?”

“That’s the one. Midnight Morton’s, never closes. This late at night you’ve got Lin at the counter, nice girl.”

I don’t know what I would have called Lin, but it probably wasn’t ‘nice girl’.

“Thanks,” I said, glancing around for the hallway that led to my room.

I bid Miss Kimmy goodnight and lugged my things to Room 7, at the very end of the dark hall. Inside was simple, but stunningly clean, which I had in no way expected. The bed had a sunken spot in the middle, and there were a lot of paintings of tropical fish on the walls. Home sweet home. I changed into pajamas, and took a huge swig of chocolate milk before glancing at my duffel, still full of equipment.

It could wait. I was exhausted, sweaty, and more alone than I had ever been in my entire life.

3. Welcome to my grocery store how may I assist you.

L I N

“I want to drop out of high school,” said Roach.

We were sprawled out on separate tartan sofas, both angled towards the ancient television. It was after midnight, and the only light in the room was coming from the nature channel.

“No you don’t,” I said. “You’re not even in high school.”

Roach was a weird little girl. Eleven years old, she wore oversized thrift store t-shirts, and big chunky glasses, and cut her own hair. I loved her the most in this world.

“Yeah, but when I get there, I want to drop out. You did.”

I sighed.

“You’re smarter than me. You have to finish school and work in a laboratory anywhere but here. Those are the rules.”

Roach crossed and uncrossed her skinny legs without arguing. I knew she just wanted to hear me say she was smart.

We continued to watch the nature channel in silence. A documentary on the arctic ocean was playing, which I found devastatingly boring, but Roach was clearly glued to. I could hear dad snoring upstairs, a pleasant sort of nightly white noise, and tuned out completely until Roach clapped an inch from my face.

“Jeez,” I started, pushing her hands away.

“You were way out there. It’s freaky.”

I had been practicing my zone out since I was Roach’s age. On my best day, I could have an entire conversation without hearing one word the other person said. Call it a life skill.

“You’re doing it again!” said Roach. “Don’t you have work soon?”

That snapped me out of it. I looked at my watch.

“Oh, yeah. Thank you.”

I rolled off the couch as Roach sat back down with a huff. The arctic documentary was ending, and she picked up the changer to scroll through a long list of similar recordings. Roach loved animals, all of them, even fish that ate your insides, and grubs, and parasitic worms. Especially parasitic worms.

“Don’t stay up too late okay?” I said, tugging gently on her massive ponytail. Roach got dad’s curly, reddish brown hair. I got mom’s.

“Mmhm.”

I glanced in the hall mirror to see if there was any food on my shirt. Then I stepped into the mosquito ridden, muggy Florida night, and headed to my shift.

***

You might be thinking: where does a seventeen year old high school dropout work after midnight? And the thrilling answer is: the grocery store, sort of.

You might be thinking: what?

But that’s Morton’s.

The sliding doors opened smoothly for me upon arrival, which was always a good omen. I straightened the newsstand and went to look for Barry.

My manager, a small, Dominican man who loved to party, was in the produce section with a woman I assumed was his latest girlfriend. He was chucking the moldiest vegetables into an open trashcan.

“Our fresh produce is a travesty,” I said. “When was the last time someone bought an eggplant here?”

“I’m thinking of moving the veg,” said Barry, “they don’t like the energy in this corner.”

Barry was constantly moving things around the small labyrinth that was Morton’s. At least once a month he would take an hour long stroll from shelf to shelf, while I wrote down what was going where. I made a new map of the store for every big move.

“What are you guys up to tonight?” I asked, as Barry followed me to the register, bag of moldy vegetables in hand.

“Dancing,” said his date, with an endearing round of jazz hands, as Barry broke into a stationary samba while he gave me a list of stuff to work on. He treated me to his own enthusiastic jazz hands, and a few notes of a Juan Luis Guerra song as he samba’d in the direction of the door. As it swung shut behind them, I let the intense silence of Morton's wash over me. The fluorescent lights hummed gently. The food sat well behaved in slightly crooked rows. I turned my brain down to its lowest setting, and consulted my list.

...

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korra-the-red-lion · 3 years

Text

Unnatural Affairs. Chapter 1: Move In Day.

(Ally)

The first day of university was one of those exciting yet absolutely terrifying things. Luckily, it was just move in day and that gave me a week reprieve before I actually went to my first class. Still, the anxiety of moving away from home was something you couldn’t help, even if you don’t always get along your parents. Being on your own, expected to fend for yourself alone. That made me shiver to my core.

The car bumped along the road as we approached the campus. My dad said something to my mom under his breath, for her ears only. I didn’t mind, too busy focusing on the school buildings coming into view. It wasn’t a massive campus, but that fit me just fine. I grew up in a small town, so a smaller university was the least overwhelming choice for me to pick. I originally got accepted into Chester University, but with a student population of 45,000, I could feel my heart rate increase just reading about it. My dad was disappointed that I didn’t go to Perkins, his alma mater, but it was just so far away and quite frankly, had a reputation as a party school. No, not for me, thank you very much. I liked that Mount Seamus had a small student population (only 3,000) and was close enough to home that I could go back if I needed to (only an hour and half drive).

“Alexandra,” said my mom, looking over her shoulder, “how are you feeling?”

I tore my gaze away from the window. “A little nervous, if I’m being honest. Excited too, but mostly nervous.”

She smiled at me. “Perfectly normal. I think you’ll be great, sweetie.”

I smiled back at her, before returning my eyes back to the window. We were rolling up to the drop off spot for students. My parents would drop me off there and take my things to my room. I was happy for a chance to be away from them for a short time. I loved them, but sometimes they could be a tad bit stifling. It will be nice to be able to explore on my own for awhile before having to do the whole tour with them.

The car bumped to a stop. I undid my seatbelt, breathing slowly through my nose. I could feel my nerves trying to get the better of me. My mom reached around and placed her hand on my shoulder, giving me an encouraging nod. I nodded back to her and opened the door, the warmth of the August air hitting me.

“We’ll drop your stuff off and meet you at the student services building, okay?” said mom.

I nodded, not trusting my voice right now.

Mom reached out the window and kissed my hands, filling me with warmth, calming me down a little. My dad looked over and mumbled out a ‘good luck’ before they drove off. My dad wasn’t a man of many words, and it was having a hard time with me moving out. I just hoped that he’d open up a bit more before we got here, but clearly that wasn’t happening. Still, there was still time.

The sound of music and people cheering drew my attention. They were holding up signs that welcomed the new students, signs pointing people in the right direction, and just general fun vibes coming from that direction. That’s where I needed to be, so that’s where I went.

The music was a little too loud for my liking, but I just dealt with it. I didn’t have to be at this spot for too long. A student spotted me and waved at me to come over. She grinned as I approached, high fiving her friend. She had her hair tied up in a high ponytail. The colours of the school were painted on her cheeks, nearly hiding the smattering of freckles that spread across her nose and maybe her cheeks. Her friend was a bit shorter, with her hair done in a messy bun and wearing matching face paint.

“Hey-o, welcome to MSU, frosh,” said the freckled girl excitedly. “Is this your first time on campus?”

I nodded shyly, trying to not take a step back. The anxiety was trying to overwhelm me again.

“Nice! I’m Lyn, and this is my buddy Loryn!” she indicated the girl next to her. “We’re here to show people around and help out with anything you need for today.”

“If you want it, that is,” added Loryn quickly, maybe noticing my discomfort.

“Yes, totally!” Lyn looked back and forth between us, frowning slightly for a second before grinning again. “This is not mandatory by any means. It’s more like, uh, a more personalized tour? Some people find the whole group thing super overwhelming and shit, so we do this so people can just have some one on ones.”

“I would like that, actually,” I said with a smile. “If you don’t mind showing me around, Lyn, that would be lovely.”

Lyn winked at Loryn before coming around the table. “Hehe, another win for me, Loryn. If you don’t pick it up, cleaning the locker room sure is gonna suck for you.”

“Shut up and just show the poor girl around. Oh, and try not to be too loud, Lyn.”

Lyn rolled her eyes and indicated me to follow her. She was tall, probably around 6ft or something close to that. I didn’t notice it before, because I was distracted by the blue and white painted all over her face, but she had stunning electric blue eyes. The kind that most girls envied. They really popped against the paleness of her skin.

She must have noticed me looking as she turned towards me a little bit more, her eyes searching mine. Her face softened and she said to me, “You must be really nervous, huh?”

“I am, yeah…” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “It’s my first time away from home, from my parents, you know? You dream of moving out and being on your own for so long, but when the day comes, all you want do is go back home and wish you can just live there forever.”

Lyn nodded. “I get that, totally. Hopefully you’ll adjust here quickly, but girl, don’t feel bad about homesickness. Most of us feel it.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I’m Ally, by the way,” I said quickly. It totally slipped my mind to introduce myself earlier, but it occurred to me when she called me ‘girl.’

“Ally, huh? That’s a nice name,” she smiled at me again. “Okidoki, let’s get down to business, shall we? This is here is the main campus, where you’ll find all the classroom buildings and the library. The residence buildings are all located around the main campus, but no building is longer than a 10-minute walk around here. Food hall is over on the east side, over yonder,” she pointed to where I assume the meal hall was located, “so it’s nice depending on which res you’re in. I was in Lukas Hall, which was close to the AC but across from the food hall, so I always had to pack snacks for after practice in case I couldn’t grab something before class.”

“Sorry, but what’s the ‘AC’?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

“Shit, sorry, you’re new. It’s the Athletic Centre, where I spend most of my days.”

I bite my lip in thought, looking her up and down, trying to guess what sport she played. She was tall and had lean muscle. She was wearing flip flops and track pants, her toes had chipped nail polish on them. She was wearing a university t-shirt, but it gave no indication to which team she was on. She was smirking at me with her arms crossed over her chest, knowing I was trying to guess.

“Okay, um, basketball?” I guessed.

She laughed with a gentle shake of her head. “Nope! I’ll let you guess one more time.”

Damn, okay. She wasn’t too bulky, so I knew basketball was a risky guess. I think volleyball is wrong too. There were no scraps or bruises on her knees and legs to indicate that she played soccer or hockey.

I smiled brightly when it came to me. “Swim team!”

Lyn broke out in a huge grin. “Damn, yeah! How’d you guess?”

“Well, I didn’t notice any bruising on your skin. So, it kind of eliminated contact sports. I did think maybe you did cross country or swimming because of your build. You’re muscular, but it’s not heavy muscle like other sports. It’s the kind of muscle required for endurance. But then I saw your toes…for the most part they look fine. I feel like a runner would have more calluses and swelling down there. Therefore, the logical conclusion had to be swimming,” I explained.

Lyn gave a low whistle and shoved her hands in her pockets. “Well damn, Ally. That was pretty freaking good. You wanna be a PI or something?”

I blushed as I shook my head. “Not really. I just always had a knack for noticing details.”

“Well, that’s a pretty cool knack. I’m shit with details, so there’s no way in hell I could have guessed that just from sizing someone up. Come on, I’ll show ya the rest of the campus and we’ll head over to the meet up spot. I assume your parents are meeting you there?”

I nodded and we were off again. Lyn was honestly not great at explaining where things were, since she would just vaguely point in the direction and tell me the building names, even though I didn’t know much about them. But, she was really nice and friendly. I actually ended up forgetting about how anxious I was about this whole thing and ended up really enjoying the tour. I knew I’d end up doing it with my parents again anyway, so I didn’t mind that this wasn’t the gold standard tour given out by the university coordinators.

Eventually we ended up back to where I met her and Loryn, who was now gone. Maybe she was giving someone else a tour. Lyn directed me to where my parents were waiting for me. My mom was checking her phone, and when our eyes connected, I realized I never took it out once while I was with Lyn. I guiltily pulled it out from my purse and saw that I had three missed texts and a missed called from her. If I was anxious about moving out, my mom was way worse.

Of course, I understood why. Ever since I was a little kid, I noticed things that other people didn’t. At first, my parents chalked it up to youthful imagination but after great grand dad passed away and I told Nana that he wanted to apologize for how he treated her and Betty when they were growing up, my parents came to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. There isn’t, in the traditional sense. It just seems as if I could connect to the supernatural aspects of this world. It wasn’t normal, and it really upset my dad quite a bit. I tried to make sure I never talked about it once I got old enough to understand how they felt about the situation, but there were times that it slipped. Like at Kat’s 13th birthday bash, which I ended up having a panic attack at because I swore that I saw some sort of demon crawling out of the garden shed. I think my mom just didn’t want me to feel like an outcast again, but university is supposed to be a new beginning, right?

“Sorry, mom. I was talking to someone and just forgot to check my phone,” I said, a wave of shame washing over me.

My mom, a human scanner when it came to people I was with, looked Lyn up and down before nodding slowly, meaning she approved. My dad, however, stared at her for a solid minute of silence. Lyn shifted foot to foot uncomfortably and tugged at her ear.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked under her breath.

“No, you didn’t. My dad is just very overprotective and tends to do this stupid act to scare people away,” I muttered back.

Finally, my dad clicked his tongue and nodded as well. “I’m glad that you found someone to show you around,” he said slowly.

“Yes, Lyn was very nice to do that,” I said. “The campus is lovely, and it will be nice to have a familiar face to see.” This drew a smile onto Lyn’s freckled face.

“Your daughter is super awesome,” she said to my parents, “but I can’t stick around much longer, unfortunately. Gotta go back and see if there are any other frosh who need my attention, you know?” She spared me a goodbye wink before sauntering back over to her table, where some guy was there instead of Loryn.

I found myself staring over at her before my attention was drawn back to my parents, especially my mom. She had a map of the campus and started asking me where everything was and how close I was to the major buildings (those being meal hall, the library, and the student centre in case I needed campus security for any reason).

I had a feeling this second tour was going to be much longer than the one I just had.

XXX

My parents helped me set everything up in my room. It wasn’t a big space, but that was to be expected. I’m an only child, so the real adjustment is learning how to share the space with another person. She wasn’t here at the moment; she went to supper with her parents. My mom offered to go picked something up so we could eat it here, leaving me alone with dad.

My relationship with my dad was…complicated at best. He was loving and looked out for me, but it was also difficult for him to come to terms with the more… how to say, unnatural aspects of my personality. He grew up as a devout Catholic, so these kinds of things just made him uncomfortable. I remember when I was 9 years old and being told I wasn’t allowed to go over to Chris Parks’ house anymore because his older brother used a Ouija Board during a Halloween party, and my dad was convinced the house was filled with evil spirts since.

So yeah, sometimes it was hard to get along with him. It didn’t matter how many times I explained myself to him, he was always harsh with judgement. It’s not like I woke up one day and asked for this. Trust me, if I had the choice, I’d be much happier living in a world of naivety like the other kids. I’ve had to go to therapy and be prescribed meds to help control my anxiety about seeing dead people and demons. That kind of shit scars you, doesn’t matter what age.

I was humming a tune to a song that helps me stay calm while making sure my poster of Supergirl was straight when I heard my dad clear his throat. Dropping my shoulders in anticipation, I looked over with a frown.

“Yes, dad?”

“Take a seat, I just want to chat before your mom gets back,” he said, patting a spot on my bed next to him.

Wary of what was coming next, I sat with my shoulders curled into towards my body. I fiddled with the arm of my glasses and waited for him to speak. There was no point in rushing him when he got like this.

“Alexandra, I know that growing up, I was harsh with you when it came to…” he waved his hand at me, “…you know. But, it was only for your own good. This here? This is a new chance, a chance to start fresh. No one here knows about your…you know. You can make friends, maybe even get a girlfriend. But baby girl, promise me that you won’t go looking for those kinds of dark things. Promise me you’ll just be ordinary, okay?”

There it was. Ordinary. The word was like a punch to the face every time he said it. I could feel my face grow hot with shame and anger as I got to my feet. “I- dad…you know I hate it when you say it that way…” my voiced cracked as I tried to keep it together.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Alexandra. I just want you to have a good time here and not-”

“What? Not screw up?” I turned away from him, feeling the tears welling up.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“That’s how it sounded to me!”

Dad got to his feet as well and try to put his hand on my shoulder, which I shrugged off, not wanting him to touch me. I hated that he made me feel dirty about this.

“Listen, Alexandra, just…I’m sorry, okay? I just want to know you’ll be safe while you’re here.”

I rolled my eyes and forced myself to take a deep breath. “Okay, whatever dad.”

Whatever dumb thing he was going to say next was interrupted by mom coming in with the food. I quickly wiped at my eyes and forced myself to face them both. My mom’s eyes were red and puffy, clearly from crying in the car. Well, there I go too. I burst into tears and pull my mom into a tight hug, trying to take in her everything. I was ready to get away from home, I swear. But leaving my mom was harder than anything else in the whole world.

There we stood, sobbing onto each other’s shoulders while the food got cold beside us.

XXX

I stood on the corner as my parents drove away, my mom waving to me from the window. I had no more tears to spill, so I stood there in painful, hallow silence. Finally, when the bugs started to get too awful for me to deal with anymore, I made my way back to my residence. MacGavin hall was considered one of the better residences on campus, which is why my parents insisted I stayed there. I wasn’t going to argue with them, since they were paying.

I swiped my student card against the reader and pulled the door open once it beeped green. I made my way back to my room in miserable silence. There was already music blasting from someone’s room, and some of the students were sharing alcohol in the hall. Obviously, the RA was either a party person themselves, or they just didn’t care. To be honest, I didn’t care myself at this time.

I opened my door and saw that my roommate, Sarah I think, was sitting on her bed, headphones in. She rolled over with similar puffy eyes and smiled weakly at me.

“Same boat, huh?”

I nodded with a laugh. “Uh, yeah. That was way harder than I thought it would be.”

“Right?” She sat up, rubbing her face. “I was like, so excited to leave home and be like, independent from them. But then when it like, occurred to me that I wouldn’t be waking up in my house tomorrow… it sorta just like, hit me so hard. I ended up snotting in my salad.”

Okay, that made me genuinely laugh. I sat down on my bed and we ended up sort of just talking through the rest of the night, until we both fell asleep.

Maybe the first day of moving away from home was exciting and the start of a new journey. But those movies and books never talked about how hard it could be to let go. They never talked about the tears and the empty feeling of knowing that you just left everything you knew behind. It never talked about the fear that came with being in an unfamiliar place. As I drifted off, I knew I would be okay, even if it took a few days. But man, did my heart ache.

#unnatural affairs #original fiction #original story #writing #ally holland #lyn hart #mystery #paranormal #romance #wlw romance #sapphic lead

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emerald-studies · 4 years

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Diverse Perspectives | Discussion 2

I talked with @a-sucker-for-rosalie for her perspective as an Indian-American, Muslim woman and who is also the daughter of immigrants.

*Tumblr deleted this post AGAIN when I tired to post this, so again sorry for the mistakes*

[ It is required to participate and watch/read these discussions, in order to follow me. Participate or get tf out. We aren’t performative in my lil’ area on Tumblr.

This discussion isn’t representative of an entire population or meant to be super professional. It’s to share different perspectives and also is an opportunity for me to practice what I preach: intersectionality. If you’d like to participate in this series please send me a pm or an ask and I’ll get back to you ASAP. We can do a written, audio, or video interview.]

youtube

Faith: Ok, now...

A /@a-sucker-for-rosalie : Hi, my blog is @a-sucker-for-rosalie and my main blog is @theawkwardmuslimgirl, I’m a 24 yo Muslim woman from the United States and this is my story.

F: *laughs* Good job!

Have you felt an urge to assimilate by anyone in your life, or society in general?

A: Yeah absolutely, I think one of the biggest things for me has been my name I have an Arabic name, it’s something that’s been difficult for people to pronounce over the years, even my coworkers and some people in my family don’t say it properly and I’ve gone back and forth between absolutely hating my name and trying to whitewash it. Telling people to call me AJ or give me a nickname whatever they can think of or shortening it somehow. And then at some point when I reached college, and I kind of started to understand myself a lot better, I was like “Wait a minute, no...I love my name. My Grandmother who I’m so close to, or was before she passed away, she named me.” and it just became this big thing for me where my name was important to me and it was representative of my culture and my religion and yeah I’ve gone back and forth on that but I’ve kinda settled into, I like my name I’m not going to do nicknames anymore, ya know...if someone at least tries to make an effort to pronounce it properly, that's good enough for me right now. But I'm done hating that part of myself.

F: Right. And I think it's a kind of on other people to, just not make a big deal about it. If it's a cool, it's a cool name like then just say it's a cool name. You don't have to, like, drag out that whole conversation about “Oh, how do you pronounce it syllable by syllable by syllable?” Like, I mean, unless you (A ) want to, but like, I know, I've had friends that like I've encountered other people and they, they like kind of pick it apart and be like, “Oh, that sounds weird”. And it's just like,

A: Mm hmm.

F: So like, what? yourself yours sounds really basic, Claire. That also reminds me of Hasan Minhaj on Ellen, when Ellen pronounced his name wrong. And that was a whole thing, but it was like it just really makes you think like you can pronounce Timothée Chalamet Why can't you make an effort to pronounce someone else's name accurately?

A: Yeah, exactly. And my whole thing for a while, it's just like, I'm saying my name for you before you even see it spelled--

F:*laughs*

A: --you should be able to say it back to me, like you're purposely--You've never heard it before, and you're purposely making it harder for yourself.

F: That’s so accurate, you do Introduce yourself. So, yeah, that’s ridiculous.

As a child of immigrants, how is the anti immigrant talking point affected your mental health?

A: Um, I mean, I'm pretty white passing. And as a Muslim, I don't wear hijab at the moment. So on a personal level, like out in every day, I don't feel that. But then, you know, when Trump was running for president, and things like that, and there is all this, people were half joking that he was going to put Muslim people in concentration camps or something. And then the Muslim ban happen with travel. I think that was very painful to experience. I mean, it's definitely come and gone. It's not a constant thing. Like, I don't feel oppressed or as targeted as say, like, Black people or even like, Mexican immigrants or anything like that. But it definitely has. When it's come up again, it's difficult to deal with and it's hurtful and then you do go through all those emotions of questioning. “Okay, so like people are cool to my face, but when it comes down to it, who's gonna protect me or who secretly doesn't like my people?” You know,

F: Right. Yeah. Because all that has shifted, you know, like, people are hiding their ignorance. Trying to rationalize it now, so you never really know, is on your side. I think it's just like so scary.

A: And there’s people are like, “Oh, you're cool, but you know, the other people.” It's like, ummmm

F: I've heard someone say “You're like a good Black.”. Like,

A: Yeah, that's not cool.

F: Would you say like, do you just....I don't know, like, everyone is good in some way, I believe, like, deep down somewhere or they were good, and then they were just corrupted. So,

A: Yeah, I mean, I know people probably don't mean harm by saying that. And like, it’s just like, dude, educate yourself.

F: I mean, personally, I do think them by not meaning any harm, but saying it anyways makes it harmful.

A: Yeah, sure.

F: I mean, them kind of knowing that they're talking about something that they don't really know about. I think that's me. That's just me.

A: But no, you're right. I think there's a weird thing. I mean, when, when the whole protests started, and this Black lives matter thing, just in the past couple months got really big. There were all these white people on social media posting about, “I had no idea that Black people go through this!” and like, “I'm starting to really look at my privilege as a white person”. And I was like, okay, so many people really don't know what's going on. And on the one hand, I don't think they're bad people. And I know they don't mean it the way it comes across. So I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Like a lot of times it is just the lack of education on their part. Yeah, like I try. I try not to hate on people or like, call them out on that stuff. It's just like, Okay, here’s how you should actually approach this....

F: It's funny the way you put that

A: Like, like white women checking their privilege on Instagram was like, blowing my mind.

F: Oh, yeah. Not No. Yeah, Emma Emma Watson like, posting those black squares but cropping them so they fit her aesthetic.

A: Ah, God.

F: Yeah. And like, I have seen stuff like that, like, “Oh, I know about this” or, um, and it's, but, you know, the first wave really wasn't like 2014/2015 (of BLM)

A: Yeah.

F: And I remember because I was 14 or 15. So like if I was 14, and like, all these older people are like, “Oh, I know....” I'm like, Well, if I know Yeah,

A: What were you doing this whole time?

F: those women crack me up.

A: They crack me up too

F: Yeah, they're just discovering this like new like, essential oil.

A: Yeah, it's exactly like that.

You've lived in India for a year--Did you experience a culture shock or did you feel a sense of belonging?

A: Oh, absolutely. I don't think I've ever felt like such an outcast before. A lot of it was I didn't speak the language. My mom's parents when she was a year old, they moved to Canada and they didn't teach her our mother tongue either. Because they were kind of hell bent on their kids assimilating into Canadian culture, and fitting in with the white people. They didn't want them to be outcasts there either. I remember my mom telling me she was the only kid in her school and Black parents. Yeah, it was very, very white. And then, you know, I was the only kid in my Indian School who didn't speak the language. They spoke English at the school. So it wasn't that bad, but I think I definitely did stand out. As an American person. I was just talking to my sister last night. She's like, yeah, yeah. I told them. We live in California. And they're like, Oh, do you know Jennifer Lopez? I don't know.

F: You that's so fair, though. We give like Yeah, you do that to each other. Like, if you hear someone lives in____, like you're like, oh, have you seen a _____ out and about?

A: Yeah, I don't know. I think definitely It was early 2000s. Two. So there was sort of it was a different time. You can say stuff like that. Like we didn't, there was no social media or anything. So you don't really understand how other people live. Just what you see on TV.

F: I do you really regret not being taught your...[mother tounge]?

A: Yeah, I do wish I learned it. Um, I do want to try to pick it up. I know, in adulthood, that's a lot harder. But my cousins have picked it back up again. So I feel like I definitely could. It's not like I don't want to turn it into a “whoa is me” kind of thing because all my grandparents spoke fluent English. It was never a problem.

F: Mm hmm.

A: I think it's more of a retaining culture thing, but I don't think I would ever go back to India at this point, just because of the political climate there. There is a lot happening between Hindus and Muslims and just, it's not safe. And I don't know if I would ever make that journey again. As a non-tourist.

There have been many terrorist attacks against your community, how do you manage the pain of people viewing terrorism against your culture versus, like viewing it differently than 9/11? or other terrorist attacks against white people? Or largely white populations?

A: Also, good question. Um, I don't know, I feel like growing up as a Muslim, you've always kind of had this thing in your head that you are the other. And you're different from people. And I was think I was four or five when 9/11 happened. So I grew up with that feeling. It's not, I don't know any different. So it is this kind of thing of like, okay, I do understand that a large group of people hate us and we are targeted sometimes. But I think just like reaching back to my community and like looking back at my religion and like spiritual stuff kind of helps me like that.

F: Have you experienced your friends viewing it differently? Like holding other terrorist attacks in like a grander I don't know how to phrase this--

A: I think I get what you're saying. Like, like they think it's worse when it happens to white people.

F: Yeah cuz I've had friends that did stuff like that that would say like, you know like even America in general just like we paused in my online school one time for like five years minutes for 9/11 I'm like, Okay. Um, that's, that's great. Um, are we going to do that with like, I would have, I mean, not to say “all terrorist actions matter”, Yeah. It's such a huge thing. And then I'm like, okay, but are we going to tie that to what America has done in the Middle East? Like, I mean,

A: I'm very lucky that my friend group has always been very diverse. And they open and likes to talk about the news and keep up with those kind of stuff. I mean, my best friends are like an Indian Hindu and like a Catholic, Korean. Like, we're all over the place of that stuff, to kind of understand each other in that sense. So I've never had that problem for I feel other defy my friends in that way. And also As an ethnic person, I do tend to look for friends who are also in some sort of minority, just like as a comfort thing.

F: Mm hmm.

A: So I'm very blessed that I haven't had to, like unfriend people over things like that.

F: That's amazing. I'm glad you have that support. And your discussions must be very interesting.

A: Oh they’re great, we have great discussions.

How do you see yourself in your country?

A: I know it's like, trendy to be like, “I hate America. This place sucks”. Especially like as a woman as an immigrant as a minority. Like I, I, I recognize how blessed I am to be here and have the opportunities that I've had because my parents immigrated, and because this country does allow us so much freedom. I do think sometimes I question my place here. But for the most part, like, I don't want to say it's great, but like, I, I know what I have and I value it. I don't take it for granted.

F: Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

Do you think that public figures are afraid to voice their support for the Muslim community?

A: Some of them Yes. I can't think of off the top of my head who said what about what but I do, just like with influencers and stuff, like the Christchurch mosque shooting, a lot of people were silent about that. And that was very painful to see. But I don't know I feel like it's just it's something I expect at this point. Like, I never expect anybody to stick up for us. But when I see it, it definitely is nice. Like, I remember Kylie Jenner's but something when that happen, and I was like, “Oh, God bless you, thank God”. Someone said something. I think Kim Kardashian and I think Kourtney or Khloe might not have said something. And I was like, “Huh.” Like, I don't know, it's just like, you have to wonder where everybody's loyalty lies and like, do you have something against Muslims? 50 people just died for no reason while they were peacefully praying, like, is that not something? But then, like, I don't know. It's the whole thing of like, influencers saying they don't want to be “political”, which I used to understand. And at this point, you cannot not be political because it's just it's such a big part of Life at this point, and if you're not political, I don't know if you're aligned with Trump, or like your low key racist or what..so you saying nothing says something, you know?

F: Yeah, I totally agree. I think that says so much when you look at a person and what they talk about, but it says so much more what they don't talk about, ] I think--and like there are a lot of things to talk about To be fair, but when you look at current events, and tying what they're not talking about, to the present day, like in this moment, then that says so much and I'm sorry that more people didn't say anything about shooting that was just atrocious. Like, I mean, I didn't have social media than I would’ve said something.---

A: So I got up that morning and cried so hard. Just I was like, I mean, I don't need influencers to like, be pseudo activists or anything, but once in a while just remind your audience what you're aligned with. I feel like that's very important.

F: Yeah, yeah. I think that's so yeah, that's so fair because you may like have someone who is racist or like anti-Semitic or like any...homophobic in your follows and, like, if you don't talk about something, if you don't say, “Oh, we support blank here, get out if you don't”, or if you don't talk about frequently enough. I feel like those types of people can like, I don't know, hide themselves. I think, that's scary. Um, And I'm so sorry that you had to go through that type of feeling where you don't feel that enough people were talking about that tragic, tragic event. And I hope it never happens again, it should have happened in the first place.

Do you feel that you were the face of your religion and race when you lived in a very white area?

A: Um, like I said, I'm white passing. So no. And when I when I lived in those areas, I was very, very young. So it wasn't even an opportunity for me to even fully understand that my place as a Indian person or a Muslim person, but I definitely did not connect or relate to the white people. They're like it when you're young. You know, you're different. You just can't figure out how yet.

F: Hmm, that's a good way to put it. Yeah.

Is there a bigger divide between the young population and the older population in your culture versus the young white population? And the older white population?

A: Yeah, I think there is. That's a great question. Um, I think it just in that move from India, or any you know, you see this with most immigrants, no matter where they're from, but coming from your the motherland to the west. It's just the culture shock. I mean, with young people, so they want to assimilate. I see that with my peers a lot. They're just very desperate to fit in. They want the American culture they want to behave like white people. Go smoking and drinking and dating and whatever, things that aren't necessarily a part of our culture. But yeah, there's there's a lot of people trying to blend in. And I see a lot of brown people who were Indian when it's convenient, like on Instagram. It's like, “Ooooh, I'm Ethnic”, and then the other six days a week, and they're white. You know?

F: *laughs* Yes, I do. Like, that reminds me of like Halsey who brings out the fact that she's Black(?) when necessary.

A: I mean, like, I get it. There is a struggle there being white passing and still trying to be like, “Hey, I'm here.” Part of this culture and experience in some way or another in like you do feel like you have to prove that. And also, like, as a white passing person, I do feel like I haven't had a lot of experience that feels like a universal experience for other brown people. Like I don't get targeted like that I wasn't bullied for being brown or my skin or my hair or whatever, or my accent. So there is kind of this weird lack of camaraderie because you're not visibly part of your community sometimes. So I kind of understand where she's coming from. But when she uses it as a tool, it's like--

F: Yeah, like, Yeah, exactly. Like if you are using your platform to share voices that have had that experience. Like that's a totally other thing. Yeah, when you pull it out to complain about shampoo at a hotel Yeah, no, it doesn't suit curly hair of shampoo.

A: Who doesn’t bring shampoo?

*laughs*

What do you think about the hard working immigrant stereotype?

A: Um, because, like coming from an Asian background, you do have the people who did were the parents and grandparents who pull themselves up by the bootstraps and actually did work very, very hard to get their kids and grandkids where they are. But at the same time, I think both my parents came from like a generally privileged or like, middle class background. Like, my parents have degrees and my dad always had a job and he had his own apartment and cars stuff there wasn't that sort of struggle with us. I don't think it's not necessarily a universal experience. I do think Asian people need to check their privilege on that one like a lot of us, and we did not have that struggle.

F: Interesting. And this is a final question:

You've lived in diverse areas and very white areas, which area has affected you more?

F: ...although you said that you were in the white areas when you were younger.

A: So I think that definitely did have an effect on me. I think less so in terms of my culture, but more so just as a human being and how I tend to treat myself or treat other people as an adult, and even in school, like I know how it feels to be the outcast, and I know what it feels like to not fit in. So I think in that sense, it's just really shaped my worldview, like being kind to other people and them how I want to treat other people and identifying in other minority groups. How they feel other-ed.

F: Hmm, yeah, using that for good. Mm hmm. Yeah.

A: Really shaping my own understanding.

F: Yeah. That's amazing. Um, thank you for doing this.

A: Absolutely. Thank you for interviewing me. I appreciate it.

F: Anytime. If you want to come back anytime I can make more questions. I will stop the recording so we can talk a little bit privately. And thank you again.

Let’s have a discussion! Did you learn anything new from this conversation?

Let me know here.

To close out each post, I’d like to write a lil’ paragraph about the person I talk with:

Even though our talk was shorter than others I’ve had in this series, I could tell just how sweet A is. Her voice made me smile constantly throughout our chat. I’m appalled that she, and her community as a whole, have been subjected to the horrors of mankind that often are brushed off or ignored. Her strength and positivity are inspirational for me. I’m once again blessed that she took the time to chat with me. A was also another person who was there for me (sending love to the egg gang, again) and I’m so lucky to have such marvelous people as friends/supporters. A, if you ever need anything I’m sooo here for you.

You’re a sensational person.

-Faithxx

#twilight #muslim #india #immigrants #discussionswithfaith

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celestias-right-hoof-mas-au · 3 years

Photo

WARNING: Although this particular chapter does not depict violence or cursing, future installments will. As this story is based on an adult parody of MLP called The Mentally Advanced Series. I would encourage that if you had not watched it to do so to get a grasp of the world in which this takes place. Many of the jokes, lore, and otherwise are in reference to MAS, not just simply My Little Pony. I have also made a supercut that includes every reference and appearance of Celestia in the series. In case watching the entire MAS series maybe too time consuming. If you find Celestia, or other canon characters, used in crude and unpleasant depictions offensive, this is your warning. However, I would appreciate that you take a look anyway with an open mind. Celestia Supercut Link

Next >

The morning sun shimmered through Valiance Ascalon’s window. The large pale horse finished packing her briefcase and donned her metallic purple and gold armor. Her parents, a large albino shire and a dusty unicorn, awaited her along with the whole town of Salo at its entrance for Valiance’s departure.

“... And remember to mind your manners, she is generous, but easily disrespected.” Valiance’s mother, the unicorn, warned as she stood on her back legs to give her daughter one final hug.

“I know, Ma. You’ve told me several times.” Valiance replied warmly, returning the hug.

“Don’t you forget about us either, write to us when you get the chance.” her father, the shire, said gruffly.

“Yes, Pa, I knooow.” Valiance teasingly replied as she also gave him one more hug, “I’ll be sure to write to you as soon as I get settled.”

“Hey, Valiance!” called a young colt who squeezed his way through the crowd, “I heard you’re going to Canterlot to work for Celestia. You better be nice, or she’ll have ya flailed!”

“Junior!” the colt’s mother barked, slapping him in the back of the head.

“Ow! What’d I do?! I was only telling her the truth!” the colt yelped, rubbing his head.

Valiance chuckled, adjusting her helmet on before kneeling to the colt, “Thanks for the warning, but I think I’ll be ok.” She gave his mane a good ruffling before rising to her hooves. Within a few short strides, all she ever knew was behind her. Then, for one last time, she looked back to the town and proudly declared, “Hail Celestia!”

“Hail Celestia!” cheered the villagers as they watched Valiance make her leave and waved goodbye.

The town of Salo was located on the dryer half of the Hayseed Swamps where its residents lived in relative isolation for generations. Its closest neighbor was Dodge Junction, and even then, the walk Valiance had traversed, had taken from dawn to the early afternoon. It wasn’t the first time she had visited the junction for its train station, however, this time was different. Whether it was with her parents, with her classmates, or helping any of the local farmers deliver goods, Valiance had seen her fair share of mainland Equestria, if but briefly and never alone.

Butterflies aggressively fluttered in her chest once she sat down in her seat on the train. The pony adjacent to her only quickly flipped through his paper as she attempted to gain his attention.

“Sorry,” Valiance blurted out, “I’m quite nervous, it’s the first time I’m riding the train alone, heh, what about you?”

The business pony shot her a look with half opened eyes, “Lady, it’s my job.” He flipped his paper to shield himself from the bizarre mare, yet her striking size and armor left his curiosity to be satisfied. Closing his eyes and taking in a sharp sigh, he threw his paper to his side and asked, “So what's your story?”

Though the stallion could not see her face underneath her helmet, a gleam in Valiance’s eyes shimmered and a smile grew on her lips, “Oh! I am on my way to Canterlot to serve no other than Princess Celestia herself!” “That explains the getup, but why would you wanna do something like that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? What could be more meaningful in life than serving Celestia herself?”

The stallion paused for a moment before lightly chuckling, “I get it now. You’re one of those cultists, aren’t you?”

Valiance gasped, “I-I beg your pardon? A cultist?”

“Yeah, every couple of years some loons come outta the woodwork sacrificing foals in the name of Celestia. It makes sense too, since you’re here at Dodge Junction. You probably swam outta the Hayseed Swamps, didn’t you?”

“Well… yes. But I assure you, we’re not cultists. And we don’t sacrifice fillies. How could you say that to someone you just met?”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” He smiled while patting her shoulder, “I’m a cultist too. There’s a bunch of freaks and weirdos like us in the city. You’ll feel right at home.”

Valiance sunk deep into her seat, regretting opening her mouth. As the stallion returned to his paper with a comforted smile, Valiance hoped her new acquaintance's words were exaggerated.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late afternoon when the train had finally reached Canterlot. The cultist gave a friendly wave as Valiance rushed off trying not to look back. She quickly looked towards the station’s clock and noted, ‘I better grab a room so I can hurry to the military signup office before it closes.’ She briskly booked a room in the closest hotel she came across and rushed to the castle. With five minutes to spare, Valiance slammed the door open to the enlistment office.

“Excuse me, there’s no need to cause a ruckus.” the front desk pony insisted as he shuffled a stack of papers, “How can I help you?”

“I’m so sorry, but I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to sign up.” Valiance panted, removing her helmet.

“Eager to enlist? Never heard of that before. Well, here’s the papers, be sure to read thoroughly and don’t pretend like we didn’t warn you.” the secretary grunted as he handed Valiance a stack of documents.

Valiance thought to herself aloud, “Wow, who would’ve thought it was so easy.”

“That’s what they all say.” the secretary winked, “Let me know how it goes in a month. They always beg to get out.”

Valiance’s signature sealed her fate in every document and with a smile stamped across her face, no less. Her stomach was tingling in excitement as the secretary looked over her papers.

“Welcome to the royal army, soldier.” the secretary remarked while stamping her documents, “You’re in luck, the next boot camp starts up in a few days. Here’s a card of where it will be and what time. Don’t be late, cause we’ll find you if you are.”

Valiance took the card while she giggled and jumped in place. Just that morning, she was back at home, and now she was working for the God Princess herself. Suddenly, she stopped, “Won’t I need a physical and mental examination of some sort?”

“Sure. But that’ll come when boot camp starts. Not to mention, you look healthy enough. But between you and me, everypony gets accepted. Where do you think the masked guards come from?” the secretary asked as he leaned in closer, “Just don’t ask them about that. In fact, don’t ask them anything, ever. Don’t talk to them.”

Valiance tightened her lips, “Thank you. I’ll, uh, be sure to keep that in mind.” Slowly she backed out of the office, wishing the secretary a goodnight, and into the evening air. With the amber glow of her magic, she wrapped her mane up as tightly as she could before placing her helmet back on. Despite the secretary’s warnings, Valiance didn’t feel any less enthusiastic about her success. She stretched and cracked her neck, wanting nothing more than to grab a quick bite to eat before heading back to her hotel room for some much needed rest. Thinking back to past field trips as a filly, she recalled the castle garden also led to the entrance and began to make her way through there as a shortcut.

Inside, beautiful plants of nearly every kind flourished. Contrastly, horribly disfigured marble statues with faces of pure fear and agony drew the eye from every direction. ‘I don't remember the sculptures in the garden being so… what was it? Avant-garde?’ Valiance thought as she looked at a statue of a goblin-like creature mooning her, a lone pigeon sitting right on its exposed bottom.

"They say that my work inspired the art of Jeffrey Dahmare." A low voice echoed from behind. Valiance froze at the sound and slowly turned to face the source. Towering over even her, hair glistening in the colors of day, stood the God Princess, Celestia. A confident smirk graced her lips, “Do you like it, Pale One?”

Before Valiance’s knees could buckle from Celestia’s poise, she kneeled and lowered her head, “Your majesty, it’s an honor to be in your presence.”

“I couldn’t help but be drawn towards your armor. It’s a vintage design. Where do you come from?”

“The village of Salo, ma’am.”

“Salo, you say? My, it has been a long time since someone mentioned that name. One of the few populations I needed not show force for their cooperation. Your people’s naivete is amusing, however, your innocence is admirable to an extent.”

Valiance held her breath, unsure of the princess’ intentions behind her statement. Yet, after a moment, she replied with slight shakiness, “Much obliged, your majesty.”

“Tell me, why are you here, Pale One?” Celestia asked.

“As you said, our devotion to you is as strong today as when Salo was founded. To serve and to die for you would be my greatest honor.” Valiance replied humbly, “Today, I signed up for the royal army, in hopes of bringing glory to you, and the ponies of Salo.”

Celestia’s eyes narrowed and her grin grew wider. After a few moments of silence, Celestia turned away towards the castle. As she departed she called back to Valiance, “I expect nothing but the best from my soldiers.”

When Celestia left the premise, Valiance sprinted out of the castle grounds, heart pounding, and mind racing. Rushing to her hotel room, she threw off her armor, leapt onto her bed, and screamed into her pillow. Not a more perfect day could’ve existed for Valiance and in a few days her dream of servitude would begin.

Before then, Valiance pulled out a pen and paper and began a letter to home about her first day in Canterlot.

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ilovereadingandilovebreathing · 4 years

Note

I wish you would write a fic where peter has some trouble sleeping and he goes to tony for help (irondad is best and I love how you write them)

A/N: I added a Read More break in this; I’m so sorry if it isn’t working on your Dash or in mobile.

---

((WOW as per usual this took forever; I’m so sorry, and thank you for your patience!!!))

I can do that. As many of my IronDad fics are these days, this is set in a Post-Endgame Universe that ends the way we deserved it to. (Also thank you?? So much????) As per usual, I don’t know if this is what you envisioned, but here it is anyway. I hope you like it!

—

A Week in the Life of an Overly Anxious Insomniac (a.k.a. Post-Finals Week)

Friday

Peter Parker crawls in through his bedroom window after the fullest week of his whole life. He’s just finished his Junior year of high school, meaning that his end-of-year finals are the roughest and toughest, and he’s barely made it through them unscathed. Peter’s an above average student for above average students, much less the general population, so he keeps up with his studies well, especially after Tony and May teamed up to implement some Big Brother-level safe guards to make sure he was held accountable for his allotted homework and Spider-Man hours.

The teenager pulls himself upright and runs a hand through his hair, a deep sigh emanating from his chest as he pulls off his Spider-Man suit. He glances at the clock; 1:30AM shines back silently at him, the one-time extended patrol hours Tony and May had allowed him in light of the end of the school year and successful exams.

Once he’s free of his enhanced spandex, Peter pulls on a t-shirt and sweatpants and collapses onto his bed, his nose buried in his covers, but his eyes remain open. He stares languidly at a spot on his wall, likely food from his and Ned’s last sleepover.

The seconds tick past, soon turning into minutes, and then an hour has gone by, and somehow he’s still wide awake. He’s tried to drop off multiple times, but a prickling sensation across his back, like’s he’s being watched, keeps him from relaxing into sleep.

Peter sighs in frustration and takes out his phone, scrolling through countless ridiculous news articles until his body shuts itself off around 5AM.

Saturday

Peter awakes at 9:30AM and groans. At least it’s Saturday, so he can sleep more. He rolls over just in time for his phone to go wild where he’d discarded it beneath his bed earlier that morning. He gropes blindly for the device and clicks it on, sleepily scrolling through the barrage of messages in his group chat with Ned and MJ.

Ned: Expo day!

MJ: Expo day.

Ned: Peter!! EXPO DAY!

Ned: P

Ned: E

Ned: T

Ned: E

Ned: R

Ned: WAKE UP

Peter rolls his eyes but can’t suppress a grin as he types out his response.

Peter: I’m awake geez

It’s not even until 4PM

Ned: Yeah, but still. We have to make sure we have our itinerary down and the layout of the place just in case something ya know crazy happens.

Peter: Right yeah sure

MJ: I’m not wearing the matching t-shirts

Ned: Pleeeeeaaassse MJ!!!!!!!!

MJ: …..without something else over it

Ned: *peace fingers emoji*

MJ: why didn’t you just send the actual emoji

Ned: You have an IPhone. The emojis always show up differently.

MJ: Not that one, idiot

Ned: Oh whatEVER

Peter nearly drops his phone on his face, so he rolls to his side and types out a final message.

Peter: I’m hitting snooze. See you guys this afternoon.

Peter switches his phone to silent mode and lays an arm over his face. After a week of multiple all-nighters on top of a full patrol and 4 ½ hours of sleep last night (this morning, he corrects himself with a grunt), he just wants to sleep until he absolutely has to be up. He sends a quick wake-up call request to May before pulling his covers back over his head.

Peter, Ned, and MJ crash at Ned’s apartment around 12:30AM. The Expo (an invitation courtesy of Tony Stark, of course) had been incredible, showcasing the latest and greatest technology on the market and coming to the market, from Stark Industries to OsCorp and everything in between.

The trio reclines on the Leeds’ comfy sectional, Ned passing out as soon as his body hits the cushions. MJ is curled in a half doze in the crook of the couch, and Peter spreads along the unoccupied middle section, propped sidelong against the back. He stares at his crossed ankles as the TV plays quietly in the background. His vision swims in and out of focus, trying to let him fall into sleep, but something keeps pulling him back just as he’s on the brink, like fingers trailing across his back.

Peter knows no one else is in the room with him. He hears Ned and MJ’s separate, steady breathing on either side of him, but something about their presences, how strongly he can sense them, keeps him from falling out of consciousness. Their presence should be a comforting tether, but he finds it more restrictive now. He shakes his head minutely at the thought.

After about fifteen minutes, Peter sighs in defeat and positions himself to watch Nickelodeon’s late night programming, finally dropping off around 4AM.

Sunday

Sadly for Peter, Ned and MJ are both early risers; they stir around 7:30 but lay poking at their phones until 8. Peter tries to fall back to sleep, but MJ’s accusatory “faker” has him popping his eyes open to defend himself.

“I think I deserve it.” Peter grumbles while rubbing an eye. “My longest night of sleep all week was like 5 ½ hours. Maybe.”

“That’s unhealthy.”

“That’s finals week.”

“I wish you’d told us, Peter.” Ned chimes in with a yawn. “We could have come home way earlier last night.”

“It’s fine.” Peter sighs and pushes himself up. “It was totally worth it. I’ll probably pass out tonight, so it’s fine.”

As if the universe loves proving him wrong, that evening once again finds Peter restless. He can’t seem to get comfortable in any position.

Left side.

Right side.

Back.

Stomach.

He even swaps his head to the foot of the bed and tries a diagonal position.

No dice.

He tenses up every muscle in his body and releases.

He keeps his eyes open for as long as he can without blinking.

He tries to force his breathing to become heavy and even.

Nothing.

His mind and body are exhausted, he can feel it, but they just refuse to shut off.

Peter pulls his pillow over his face and groans loudly.

Monday

Peter gets about 3 hours of sleep before May pokes her head in to ask for his help; she’s been on a minimalist kick lately and wants Peter to help her carry her donations to her car.

He smiles bitterly when he sees the black Sharpie scribbles on the outsides of the boxes:

Ben’s Clothes

Peter’s Toys

Wedding Pictures

Kitchen

Labels marked over and re-named Donations.

Peter’s eyes are suddenly watery, and he quickly deposits the boxes in May’s car before running a hand over his face.

May shoots him an inquisitive look but drops the issue, giving him a quick squeeze of a hug before thanking him and getting in her car. Peter waves as she leaves and sighs.

He could text Ned or MJ to go get coffee, but the walking distance just seems to far today.

He goes back upstairs and spends the day watching lame TV on the couch.

He doesn’t sleep at all that night.

Tuesday

Peter spends the whole day keeping busy. He organizes and cleans the apartment. He volunteers to walk his neighbors’ dogs. He goes for lunch with MJ and Ned and even sets out early as Spider-Man.

The evening hours come around, and he settles in with May on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. They keep score, Peter easily beating all of the contestants, and he begs May to stay with him and play with his hair as he puts on the most boring documentary he can find.

May acquiesces after studying him briefly, but she nods off after about half an hour, her hand resting in his hair.

Peter puts his hands over his face and swallows a sob, painfully, fully awake.

Wednesday

It’s starting to get to him, the lack of sleep.

He ignores May that morning when she calls to him to join her for french toast and fruit.

He tells Ned and MJ he can’t swing lunch that day though he has nothing planned.

He nearly cries when his phone lights up with his reminder that Tony Stark is back from his business trip, and again when said man sends him a message.

Tony: Hey, squirt. I’m back stateside. You free to come to the Lakehouse for a few days? Mo misses you.

Peter actually takes a few moments to consider before he catches himself. Not a good sign.

Peter: Yeah, I’m free. I’ll come tomorrow.

Thursday

Peter kisses May goodbye that morning with a promise of letting her know when he gets to the Cabin.

Happy comes for him around 10:30, and it’s after noon by the time they pull up to Tony Stark’s home away from home.

Morgan is on the porch the moment their car doors slam and is tackling Peter nearly to the ground before he can reach the trunk to get his bag. She squeezes the air from his lungs as she babbles excitedly about how they’re going to spend the next few days, her first days of summer vacation, together.

“Let him breathe, Monkey.”

Peter looks up to find Tony on the porch, metal arm on a post and flesh arm waving lightly. Peter ushers up a smile and a small wave in return before hoisting Morgan up into his arms. The teenager crosses to the porch stops before his mentor.

“Made it through another finals week, huh?”

“Barely.” Peter’s tone is more biting than he wants, and he hopes Tony didn’t notice. He’s definitely giving Peter a once-over now.

“Hap? Take Morgan inside, please?”

“Sure. Come here, Princess.”

“Uncle Happy, can I have cookies?”

“Don’t let her fool you, Hap; she’s already had her post-lunch snack.”

Morgan folds her arms and pouts as Happy chuckles and takes her inside.

“He didn’t say anything about juice pops-”

“Traitor.” Tony mumbles as Happy shuts the door behind them.

It’s quiet for a moment, the lake lapping at the shoreline barely audible as they look out and then at each other. Tony’s gaze stays on Peter, and the boy can’t help but look away.

“What’s up, kid?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your eyes are bloodshot. And last time I checked, Pep didn’t pop out a ten ton toddler, so Morgan shouldn’t be able to knock you over like that.”

“I was just playing with her.”

“Uh huh. Well,” Tony is clearly a bit peeved with Peter, but he drops the issue. “I assume you haven’t had lunch yet, so maybe some food in you will make you more talkative.”

“Thanks.”

“Turkey?”

“Perfect.”

Peter passes the afternoon between Tony and Morgan, the former occupying him with projects in his small workshop and the latter demanding to be occupied by him all over the property.

For all intents and purposes, he should be exhausted.

And yet 2:30AM finds him wide awake and near to breaking.

He’s laying on his side facing his clock, the red letters displaying “2:31AM.” He stares and stares and stares until he feels like the letters are bored into his brain. He closes his eyes, and they pop back open again like they’re on a spring.

Peter rolls into his back and stares at the dark patches on his ceiling, remnants of the knotholes that used to be, tensing and relaxing his gaze, squinting and releasing, rolling his eyes around in vain hopes of exhausting his eyes to closing with no luck.

He flips onto his left side with a huff and curls into the fetal position, hoping somehow he can trick his anxiety-ridden brain into believing he is safe and can sleep soundly. He’s in the middle of the woods of New York in what is likely the safest cabin in the entire world, and yet his body refuses to relax and let him sleep.

Peter slaps his comforter in frustration and bolts upright, his heartbeat drumming painfully in his chest and blood pumping in his ears. He swings his feet over the side of the bed, grabs his Midtown hoodie, and slides open the window; he sits on the edge for a moment or two before dropping silently to the ground. Slipping his hands into his hoodie pocket, Peter quietly follows the moonlit path to the dock; he stands there for a little while, tracing every shape and shadow the reflected glow will let him see, listening to every scuttle and shuffle in the trees and on the ground.

He wouldn’t pick out the light footsteps in any other circumstance, but their contrast to those he’s more familiar with sets him at ease.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up.” Peter chokes out as Pepper comes to stand beside him.

The woman is hugging her bathrobe to herself despite the warmth of the season, but she doesn’t seem agitated from what Peter can tell.

“You didn’t.” There’s an undercurrent of a scoff in her tone. “Overseas conference call. We had to meet on their terms.”

“That’s not fair.”

“We trade off.”

“Oh.”

They stand in silence for a few beats before Pepper sighs.

“He struggles with insomnia, too, you know.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Afghanistan. His heart. New York. That crazy Russian. Hammer. Ultron. Thanos. St-….Everything. I’d be amazed if he went through everything he has while maintaining a decent sleep schedule.” Pepper’s tone is a little hard, but Peter knows she doesn’t mean ill will toward him. She’s been with Tony through far longer than he has. She’s quiet for a few seconds before quietly adding, her tone lighter, “He called an Iron Man suit on me once.”

Peter sucks in a breath.

“I don’t think he meant to, but he had so much going on that he wasn’t dealing with already, and…we were going through a rough patch…The anxiety was eating him alive. Don’t tell him I told you all of that.” Her tone is more conspiratorial than regretful. “He’s never forgiven himself for it, but you should know. He deals with it, too. The anxiety. Feeling unsettled all the time.”

“There’s just…always something. I feel like can’t really rest.”

Pepper nods. “I don’t know the full scope of your abilities, but May’s told me about your…Peter Tingle?”

Peter cringes. “Spider Sense is what I prefer, but yeah. Maybe that’s related to all of this.”

“Probably.” Pepper is quiet for a moment. “You know…he would do whatever he needs to help. All you have to do is ask.”

“Okay.” Peter turns just a bit and gives her a tired smile. “Thanks, Pepper.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Pepper holds out an arm for him, and he gladly steps in to it.

Peter will always be secretly, selfishly thankful for how Morgan softened the Starks while he was gone, allowing him to fall in their never-ending streams of comfort that didn’t exist before he disappeared.

Peter feels a pull where Pepper’s hand rests on his shoulder, and he allows her to guide them back inside. He falls asleep an hour later.

Tony has multiple business calls the next day, so it’s mid-afternoon when Peter finally gets some alone time with his mentor-turned-father-figure. They’re sitting on a small pier Tony built over the lake, swinging on a bench swing Morgan insisted they needed after Pepper had one installed on the front porch months earlier. They’re seated on opposite ends of the swing, Peter’s feet propped between them as they gaze out over the water, each lost in their respective thoughts.

Peter taps Tony’s arm with his toes after a while, and the man scrunches up his nose in false disgust.

“The last thing I want on my arm, even lower on the totem pole than Morgan’s boogers, is stinky teenager feet.”

“I will have you know that I clean my feet quite well and quite regularly, my good sir.” Peter falls into a vaguely British accent, accentuating each of the last three words with its own individual toe tap to Tony’s arm.

“Disgusting. I’m tainted.” Tony rests his arm over the back of the swing. “So, I hear you and Pepper had a little late night stroll to the dock.”

“She told you?”

“FRIDAY did. She’s a bit of a tattletale.”

“She really is.”

“Woke me up and everything, and I was finally getting a good night’s sleep.”

Peter feels heat rise to his cheeks. “Sorry. Uh, and sorry you haven’t been sleeping well.”

Tony shrugs. “It happens. Especially when I go from being in the city, as we were in Bangladesh, to being back out here in the quiet. Hard to adjust sometimes. To relax fully.”

“Yeah.” Peter stares resolutely out at the lake.

“So, what were you and my wife chatting about at such an hour?”

“Just…business?”

“So you got up and took Pepper out to the dock to ask her about her business call?”

“Not exactly. I mean, it came up, but…I was out there first.”

“Oh, really? So she came out as a recon. mission, then?”

“I guess so.”

“Why were you out there in the middle of the night, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“….I couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah? Why not?”

Peter inhales through his nose. “Not sure. But it’s not a big deal.”

“If you say so.”

Peter looks through the corners of his eyes and finds Tony studying him before the man decides to stand, stretching and popping his back as he does so.

“Care for a walk around the lake?”

Peter collapses onto the couch when they return, staring through the windows to the side porch and watching Tony and Pepper prepare dinner together on the outside grill.

Morgan is hunched over at his feet, scribbling furiously in her current favorite coloring book.

“Whatchya doodling, Moomoo?”

“A cat.” Morgan holds up a good-sized image of what is now an orange tabby.

“Looks good.”

“Thanks.” The little one goes back to her coloring, more quietly this time, and Peter settles back against the arm of the couch. He stares at the ceiling, willing himself to relax if it means he can even get a nap in before dinner, but his body just won’t have it. He can hear his heartbeat. Morgan’s heartbeat. Every mechanical and electrical noise in the house goes in and out of focus as he just lays there, trying not to show his frustration and upset Morgan.

“Hey, Pete.” Tony pokes his head in and nearly makes the teen jump. “Can you grab the meat out of the fridge?”

“Yeah.” Peter sits up slowly and stands, feeling Tony’s eyes on him as he crosses to the kitchen. “Sh-oot.” Peter catches himself just in time after his toe has a gnarly collision with a dining table leg. “Missed that somehow…” He grumbles as he pulls the food out of the freezer and brings it back to Tony. Peter just catches the man’s critical gaze before it snaps into easy speculation.

“Thanks, bud.” Tony claps a hand on Peter’s shoulder, and they go out together, Peter’s hopes of relief forgotten as the afternoon melts into evening.

It’s the same old story, and one he is so tired of re-living.

Peter full on glares at the ceiling as his heart pounds in his chest, refusing to slow down no matter how he tries to force out slow, even breaths. He clenches his eyes shut but the frustrated tears have already bloomed there and spilled over his cheeks, drawing twin lines down over his temples and pooling on his pillow. He swipes a hand over his face and sniffs hard, rolling onto his side to glare at the clock now.

3:33am.

The witching hour. Or at least that’s what MJ calls it. It definitely feels like he’s being hexed right now as his eyes seem to remain open of their own accord, in spite of all of his efforts to get them to comply with the exhaustion in his limbs, his bones.

“Why the hell can’t I sleep?” He mouths silently at the glowing numbers, the frustration spilling over again, but he doesn’t bother to wipe them away this time. He doesn’t cry all that often, really, not when he’s mad, at least, but night after night of not sleeping enough, especially after exerting himself so much, has worn him thin, and crying is all he can do to keep from screaming, stomping, hurling and throwing things. He’s past the point of being upset with his insomnia and reached the point of searing anger, at himself for not being able to overcome this obstacle and whatever power has placed this plague on him. He grits his teeth until his jaw aches, and he nearly cracks a tooth when an owl sees fit to chime in on his thoughts from outside his window.

Peter pushes himself up and gazes toward his window, the scene from last night playing through his mind in a strange 3rd person point-of-view, as if he is FRIDAY watching him from the house instead of himself experiencing it. Something Pepper said pokes at his consciousness, and he frowns.

You know…he would do whatever he needs to help. All you have to do is ask.

All you have to do is ask.

Peter stares intently at the window for a moment, contemplating before he finally sighs deeply and throws his covers off. As much as he hates to put anything else on the man’s plate, Peter knows that Tony will understand his plight; plus, he’s been eyeing Peter ever since he arrived, so the teen figures it’s more merciful to put the man out of his miserable curiosity.

Peter stops outside of Tony and Pepper’s door, listening for a moment and frowning when he only hears one person breathing and snoring softly. Definitely not Tony. He quietly pads to Morgan’s door and listens, only hearing the even lighter breathing of the little girl, and his brows crease.

Peter heads toward the stairs and picks up the faint light shining from downstairs; he quietly mounts them and steps down to the ground floor, absorbing Tony sitting on the couch with a book in one hand, a cup of tea in the other. It’s so domestic that it brings the tears back to Peter’s eyes, the idea of Tony finally being this relaxed and at home somewhere pulling at something deep in Peter’s core.

“I was wondering when you’d show up.”

Tony’s voice startles Peter, the silence Peter hadn’t realized he’d settled in to shattered, and now the air holds an expectation of being filled with vibrating waves that Peter isn’t sure he’s ready to relinquish. The idea of finally confiding in Tony had seemed palpable when he was upstairs, alone and breaking anyway, but now that he’s here and sees Tony, thinks back to everything he’s been through, Peter suddenly feels selfish and silly.

“Quit overthinking. Come sit with me.”

Peter’s gaze snaps from the window to which it’s wandered and back to his mentor. Tony has put down the book and tea by now and is watching him intently but not oppressively; there’s no scrutiny in his eyes or demand in his body language, just an open invitation.

Peter crosses the room stiffly and sits beside Tony, staring ahead and body refusing to relax right away.

“Geez, you’re wound up tight. Come here.” Tony beckons Peter toward him, and the teen stares.

“What?”

“I’m gonna rub your shoulders, kid. Don’t make it weird.” Tony rolls his eyes. “Unless you’re genuinely uncomfortable with it, then I won’t.”

“No, it’s okay….I’m just….getting used to it.”

“To what?”

“To you being all…”

“Domestic?”

“Exactly.”

Tony snorts.

“That’s like, the one benefit of disappearing for five years.”

Tony clenches his jaw, and Peter sighs through his nose. It’s always too soon for Tony.

“Sorry…I just mean…You had a kid while I was gone. You got all paternal and stuff, and now I get to reap the benefits of that, I guess.”

“Yeah, we’re definitely more touchy feely than before, huh?”

“I just figured that was because you missed me.” Peter smiles a bit, mischief tugging at the corners of his lips.

“I did, kid. So much.”

Peter’s smile falls to neutrality. “I know. I….I guess I missed you, too. I don’t remember much.”

“Hopefully we’ll keep it that way.” Tony mumbles. “So, shoulder rub?”

Peter considers for a moment. “Sure, why not.” He scoots closer to Tony, and the man’s warm hand on his tense neck and shoulder muscles immediately help him relax just a fraction.

“Geez, kid; you been working out these muscle groups or have you been that tense over finals?”

Peter blinks. “You know, now that you mention it, I guess I have been pretty tense over the last couple of weeks.”

“Yeah? You think that’s causing your sleeping problems?”

“How did you know about that?”

“This is the second night in a row that you’re awake with a Stark parent in the dead of night in one of the safest places in the world. Call it a hunch.”

Peter lets out an involuntary snort. “Yeah…It’s been a solid two weeks since I got a good night of sleep.”

“Two Fridays ago?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? Did you procrastinate? Too many Spidey hours?”

“No, no, I was ready just…nervous I guess. Not sure why. I guess because I had a lot of tough academic classes this semester. There’s just kind of an air of tension, you know? Even if I feel okay, if everyone else is stressed out, I just kind of pick up on that. I guess it’s my senses.”

“That makes sense.”

“And sometimes I tend to just….hang on to that tension even after the school year is over, you know? After I took my first AP Exam, I had three separate dreams that I was taking the exam over again. It’s like a high that I can’t come down from or something.”

“Mmm.” Tony hums his attention while giving special care to a particularly tough knot near the base of Peter’s neck. “Geez, kid, we really have to work on your posture. No more studying in bed.”

“Oh, yeah, May told me not to do that.”

“Wait, did you actually study in bed?”

“…..Yeah.”

“Pete. Kid. You’re too smart for this. Seriously, you should only sleep in your bed. Anything else encourages you to be awake in that space.”

“When did you become an expert on this stuff?”

“When I became a workaholic and was doing work in the comfort of my bed that I couldn’t ever sleep in because my mind was always buzzing with work to be done.”

“Oh….ah!” Peter flinches as Tony pushes his metal thumb against the aforementioned knot.

“Sorry, bud. This one’s a booger.”

Peter squirms uncomfortably as Tony presses on the tough spot in his back, sucking in a harsh breath when the man ups the pressure but sagging in relief when he eases off.

“Anything else bothering you?” Tony prompts quietly as he places his flesh hand over the base of Peter’s neck to massage the top of his spine.

Peter nearly groans as Tony works at the new spot of tension he’s found. “….No, not really.”

“You hesitated.”

“So?” There’s more discomfort than bite in Peter’s tone.

“You’re not exactly one to choose your words carefully, Pete.” Tony’s lowers his voice and evens out his tone as much as he can. “You speed through every conversation like that ugly blue hedgehog thing.”

“Sonic.”

“Sure,” Tony shrugs. “But we were talking about you hesitating.”

“You were, really.”

“Sure, I was, but it really is one of your tells for when you’re not being totally honest with me.”

“Since when do you pay so much attention to me?” Peter’s nostrils flare just a bit after the fact.

“Ooo so that’s it, then? Feeling neglected by your mentor-slash-idol?” Tony has laced jest into his tone to compensate for the pinched brows Peter cannot see. He knows Peter looks up to him as a father figure, especially considering all they’ve been through together, and icy guilt stabs through him as he thinks of Peter missing him and longing for his re-assurance in these last days of the semester. “You know I’m always a video call away, buddy.”

“I know….” Peter winces, and Tony apologizes quietly. “…but you’re busy.”

“I’m retired, kid. Not a superhero anymore, remember? And Pepper and her people run Stark Industries.”

“You were just in Wakanda for two weeks.”

“That was…a friendly visit, we’ll call it.” Tony pats Peter’s back lightly and reclines against the couch cushions. “That’s all I can do for now, kiddo. Hand’s too tired.”

“Thanks.” Peter rolls his shoulders and settles back, too, distanced from Tony at the other end of the couch.

“Seriously, though.” Tony levels Peter with a gaze, and the teen can’t look away. “Anything you need, any time, Peter. I’m here for you. I didn’t invent time travel to get you back and pawn you off on May again.”

Peter nods, his face unreadable as he continues to stare at Tony like an animal deciding if he’s trustworthy or not.

“C’mere, squirt.” Tony holds out an arm and blinks when Peter hesitates before crawling into his partial embrace. The man sighs and leans his head back, tracing the barely visible grooves in the wood paneled ceiling. “Do you remember the last time we sat like this?”

“Yesterday?”

“Yes, smartass, but I was thinking more about the hour. The last time we were both up at 3am.”

Peter considers for a moment, following Tony’s gaze before realization seems to strike him; his eyes widen a fraction before falling to the coffee table.

“Oh, yeah.”

Tony squeezes Peter’s shoulder.

“We didn’t do a lot this year. We were both too busy on the day of to go to his grave.”

“Does that bother you?”

“A little…but it’s not like he knows. And…I don’t know if we really wanted to this year, you know? With everything that’s happened, death is just such a weird thing to think about right now.”

“That makes sense.”

Peter’s breath catches just a bit. “She gave some of his stuff away the other day. She asked me to help her carry it out to her car, and she didn’t even…acknowledge it or whatever.”

Tony is quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

Peter is lost in thought for a few moments. “Well, I think so, anyway. She had donation boxes, and they were taped up, but the side was marked, ‘Ben’s Clothes’ and ‘Wedding Pictures.’ I never saw inside, so I don’t know for sure. And like I said, she didn’t say anything, which is weird for her, honestly, so maybe she was just using the boxes.”

“You could ask her.”

“I don’t think so. That would probably upset her…Besides, I doubt she actually did get rid of them, but something about loading all of that stuff into her car just…it felt like the day I first came to them, or when we moved after the blip. So much transition, and the thought of transitioning past Ben on top of how much I haven’t been sleeping was just…”

“The straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“Exactly.” Peter’s voice is thin and quiet, wispy like a passing breeze, strained like a taut muscle, and weighted with meaning like a fierce whisper.

Tony is rubbing his hand over Peter’s shoulder and pretends not to notice when Peter rubs his hand over his eyes. He does notice the second time, though, and laughs a bit when Peter lets out a loud yawn. “You sleepy now?”

“Yeah. I could sleep for days.”

“Do that. I’ll keep Momo occupied tomorrow-” Tony snorts. “Today. Sleep as long as you need to.”

“Thanks, Tony.” Peter smiles tiredly and leans his head against Tony’s shoulder; he stares blankly at the fireplace until his eyelids begin to droop.

“Oh, no. I can’t sleep here tonight; my back is too bad for that.” Tony roughly rubs Peter’s shoulder before shifting to get up.

Peter grunts and pouts, slouching into the couch.

“You can’t, either. Morgan won’t let you sleep if you’re down here.”

“True…” Peter rises with him.

“Hey, if this sleepless stuff persists, I’ll get some of the stuff we gave Steve when he was fighting insomnia after-….some stuff happened.”

“Yeah, okay. Thank you.”

“No problem at all, bud.”

They climb the stairs in silence, pad down the hall and turn to face each other when they reach their respective doors.

“Night, Pete.” Tony whispers, hand on his doorknob.

“Night, Tony.” Peter lingers for just a moment as Tony goes into his room.

The man turns to close his door but stops when he catches Peter still waiting. His brows crease, and he moves to come back out, but Peter shakes his head and looks at the floor shyly, before waving for Tony to go. Tony considers Peter for a moment, squinting at the kid before he sighs silently and nods, closing the door all the way.

Peter sighs and goes into his own room, closing the door silently behind him before he crawls into bed and falls into a dead sleep until that afternoon.

(Tony only slightly regrets promising to entertain Morgan on 4 hours of sleep.)

#irondad #irondadfic #irondadfanfic #spiderson #spidersonfic #mine #spiderbabyfanfics #mcufic

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

What's your sleeping position? I sleep slightly turned to my left and propped up. How much did you spend the last time you went to a restaurant? I haven’t been to a restaurant in almost a year now, but I spent over $50 recently getting food from a restaurant delivered. I love the convenience of Doordash, but damn it’s expensive. Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting? Sorry, but I don’t find ANY bug cute. I’m afraid of all of them and find them all gross. I’m sure they’d say the same about me, so it’s mutual. Ha. Who started the conversation between you and the person you're currently texting? I'm not texting anyone right now. How long have you been on the computer? Over an hour this current session. I was on earlier, but got off to eat and stuff. Or do you mean how long total in my life? I’ve been using computers since I was in kindergarten in school, but my family and I got our first computer when I was 9. That’s when it really took off for me and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Whose birthday is coming up? What's your relation to them? My brother’s is next month. Have you ever had an argument with another survey-taker/maker? Nooo. The survey crew on here are awesome. Where is the farthest you've traveled this month? The only place I’ll be going is to my doctor, which is like a 5 minute drive away. What is something you wish you had more of? Energy. What is your state/province/region known for? I feel like when people think of California, they think of beaches and Hollywood. Have you ever had to spend the night at a hospital? Yeah, I’ve had to spend months in the hospital. Do you put shopping carts back into their designated spot in the parking lot? I don’t use shopping carts because it would be hard for me to push and wheel myself at the same time, but yeah my mom always puts back the one we use. What is the population of the city you live in? *shrug* It’s a lot. What is the most common name you are called other than your given name? Steph or Sis. What's your homepage when you bring up the internet? Well, I keep my windows open and whatever I was on last, which is generally Tumblr and YouTube (I both because I have two windows open side by side so I can watch YouTube and do other things), is the first thing I see when I open my laptop. Google is my homepage, though, it’s what pops up when I open a new tab or window. Was the last book you read for fun or was it for some type of assignment? For fun. I love to read and do a lot of it. Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? I haven’t set any, but we’re barely a little over a week into the new year. What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? It just sucked because I slept in until like 5PM yesterday and with my family’s different schedules and just kind of doing our own things at that time (my dad was busy and my brother was relaxing and probably taking a nap cause he had to get up early for work the past two days and today as well), I hardly saw or spoke to anyone. My mom had been gone hours before I got up and hours after because she had to get stuff ready for our family friend who flew back home today that she’s a caregiver for and then go pick her up and help her get settled in at home and it ended up taking a long time. By the time she got home she just quickly ate and had to go to bed because she has to get up super early for work. :/ So yeah, I didn’t even really get to see or talk to her at all. My brother had to go to bed early, too, and my dad always goes to bed early, so I’ve been up alone since like 10PM and that’s early. Generally, my mom and brother stay up later than that. I have my whole nighttime routine where I just do my own thing and I like it, but I like being able to see and talk to my family before during the day, ya know? My nighttime alone time routine doesn’t start usually until like after midnight, so yeah 10PM was really early. Being that I did that the night before as well and sleeping in so late and hardly seeing/taking to anyone yesterday... it’s been a lot of alone time and I’m feeling kinda lonely. But whatever, I’m doing my nighttime routine and about to make my ramen and then probably just go to sleep. Have you ever been ditched by someone only to find them out and about with someone else? No, I didn’t end up seeing them, but I found out later that they ended up doing something else. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? Like 16, I think. What’s the last song you sang out loud? I don’t remember at the moment. Have you ever dated someone you met online? No. Do you wish you were taller or shorter? “I wish I was a little bit taller.” 🎶 What time did you go to bed last night? I crashed around 5AM, which is early for me. I didn’t even remember falling asleep. Do you think you’re fat? No. I’m actually too thin and underweight. Do you have a pet cat? Nope. If you had to get up at six AM tomorrow morning, would it be painful? I’d be up anyway since I generally stay up until like 7 or 8AM. That’s been my messed up sleep schedule the past year for whatever reason. Are you happy with life at the moment? No. I think that’s been made abundantly clear to anyone who has been following me and reads my answers. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Nooo. Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you’ll get it? You gotta put in the work and effort, too. What was the last thing you watched on the TV? King of Queens. What do you hear? An ASMR video. What’s the last beverage you had? I just drank some of my Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink. Who came over last? We haven’t had anyone over since the pandemic hit. Are you thinking of getting another piercing and, if so, where? Nope. How many phones have you gone through? I’ve had like 7 or 8. Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? No, we moved here about 10 years ago. Do you own any band tees? Yeah, I have 3 Linkin Park shirts, a Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt, and a couple Nirvana shirts. Do you like to drink wine? No. Or any alcohol. Do you think your future will be a good one? :/

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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sherlollydramoine · 4 years

Text

Animals Chapter One

Warnings: Smut. Lots of it. Though *GASP* I did manage to write protected sex but not all of it is, also some of the smut is just implied. Language, sex, and adorable fluff all at the same time. I don’t know Rami or anyone associated with him.

HUGE SHOUTOUT TO @r-ahh-mi for her dedication, encouragement, suggestions, and her editing advice.

Word Count: 2770

I know that Rami’s timeline for this may not be entirely accurate, but this is my story and I’ve taken liberties.

“C’mon babe it’ll be fun! Seriously, there is no privacy for us anywhere and I’m tired of sneaking around just to get an opportunity to give my girl some proper lovin’” he whined, in your ear. “It’s bad enough that neither of us have been able to travel as much since I left for school, and I miss you so fucking much. I get so much crap from my classmates about how much time I spend thinking about you.”

You were laying down in the backseat of his car, with him still on top of you as you had just finished having some pretty incredible sex. Now he was trying to convince you that both should go on your first random road trip together. Or rather, a spontaneous adventure, as he kept referring to it.

“I don’t know. I have to work and you are only going to be home from school for a very short period of time. Your family misses you a lot and I don’t want to take you away from them more than I already have. I don’t want them to hate me more than I’m sure they already do.”

“Well, that’s up to you. I know you have quite a bit of savings, as do I. Believe it or not, I’ve managed to put away a decent chunk of money, even as a poor college student. Mama taught me how to be frugal. And don’t talk like that because you know for a fact that my family adores you. My brother keeps giving me shit about the fact that we aren’t married yet. He said that he was certain that it would have happened the day you turned eighteen.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that statement because marriage was something that both of you had talked about since you were both sixteen. Both of you were fairly certain that it was an inevitability for you both.

“You know what? We are young, in love, so why the hell not. Let’s do it. I hate my stupid fucking job anyway and there will always be other job opportunities.”

“That’s the spirit! I love you. I’m so happy that you decided to say yes, because I have a few surprises that I had planned, if you had said yes to this.”

“When should we leave?”

“Tonight?”

“Great, but what time tonight? I get off work at 10, but I don’t want to smell like the diner so I’d want to go home and at least shower first.”

“Since I was going to drop you off at work, I can pick you up and take you home so that you can shower and then we go after that. Does that sound like a plan?”

“Yes. Now come here lover boy. I want you so bad right now. We’ve got time to make up for.”

“Again? Didn’t we just-” you cut him off mid sentence with a kiss. His mouth not putting up much of a fight against yours. Your fingers threading through his wild hair as you pull him closer.

Your naked bodies already tangled together in the backseat of the car, your hips bucked into his, and you can feel his hardening member against your thigh. He stops momentarily to grab his jeans off the floorboard to grab another condom out of his pocket, and he wastes very little time slipping it on.

“Mmmm baby.. I want you so fucking bad.” you murmur against his ear.

Your body,so easily turned on by him, was already slick and ready and you couldn’t help the low moan that escapes you as he slides into you. Wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, you buck your hips in time with his thrusts.

The only sounds you could hear was the squeaking of the car as it rocked in time with your joint movements, and the quiet moans that you were both letting out.

“Ohhhh. Yes baby… don’t stop…”

“Fuck baby, always so tight for me. I love you. You feel so good. Just.. uhhh.. Fuckkkk.. Yesss..”

Skin slapping skin as your hips meet in time with each other, your desperation for each growing in this heated moment. Your nails clawing at his back as his thrusts become more frantic in their pace.

Unable to restrain your pleasure you let it all out with a series of moans as you continued your assault on his back. Your moans only spurred him on further; your bodies slick with sweat, his moans in your ear getting louder.

“Yesss baby…. Godddd… yesss….please don’t stop baby.. Fuckkkk…. I’m so close… So close…. “ you whined in his ear.

His lips descend on yours for a heated kiss as his hips pounded into yours, working to push you over the edge and into the depths of your orgasm.

It took a few more thrusts of his hips to get you there, but you came around him with a muffled scream of his name as your nails dig further into his back. You felt his cock twitch and body stiffen, as he followed you into orgasmic bliss.

His body collapsed on top of yours as you held on to him tightly until you both were recovered enough to finally move again.

“Damn babe. That was hot.” he smiled, your naked bodies still tangled together.

“It always is with you my love.”

“I can feel it now babe, but seriously, I think you fucked up my back. Jesus woman, you are seriously like a fucking cat. I can’t take my shirt off for a while now, or my brother will give me so much shit and the rest of my family will know exactly what the hell we’ve been up to. They know we are together, but I think with them, ignorance is bliss.”

You giggled and could feel yourself turning red with embarrassment. ”I’m sorry my love. I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it, but if it makes you feel better, I won’t walk right for a week.”

The smug look on his face told you that he was content with that knowledge.

“I wouldn’t worry about your back anyway since we are leaving tonight, so who gives a fuck who sees you with a clawed up back. Maybe I was just marking my territory. Hell, I’ve got enough hickies all over me that I might as well be a walking advertisement for ‘committed relationships,’”you shrug as you both sat up in the back seat and started to re-dress.

“I hate when our time together comes to an end like this, but I should probably get you home so that you can get ready for work.”

“Me too. I should just say ‘fuck it’ and just go to work all mussed and smelling like sex,” you giggled again.

“Oh fuck babe, that would be so hot, but no, I promised my brother that we’d go to dinner tonight. He knows how bad I want to see you though so he suggested that we go to your diner for dinner. Their burgers at least are delicious,” he smiled into your hair.

“I love you so much Rami. I swear you are the best and bless your brother for giving up some of his precious little time with you just for us. Maybe I fell in love with the wrong twin,” you tease, laughing at the mock hurt on his face.

“How dare you!” he gasps in shock as he dramatically places his hand over his heart.

“Oh you!” you poke him in his stomach and he yelps. “Always so freaking dramatic…”

“I’m an actor, that’s what I’m supposed to do. Ya know? Be dramatic!” he exclaimed.

You roll your eyes at him,”You’ve always been a dramatic ass bitch, but it’s alright, I still love you anyway.”

“Ugh.” he dramatically sighed.

“Seriously? The dramatics again.”

His laugh was loud as he playfully shoved you before he opened the back door of the car and climbed out, stretching his body. God you almost started drooling watching his muscles flex and move as he stretched.. His shirt riding up on his stomach just a little bit, and for some reason you had to resist the urge to bite it. Next time, you are definitely going to leave a little mark there, right above the ‘v’ of his delicious hips. Leave your mark on him, like staking a claim, a little something that temporarily marks him as yours.

You followed his lead and exited the back of the car, smoothing your dress down over your hips before leaning against the drivers side door waiting for him to wander his way back to you. Once he was in front of you, you throw your arms around his neck and give him a sweet chaste kiss.

“I love you so damn much. How the hell did I get so damn lucky?” you smiled, tears filling your eyes from all of the random emotions swirling around inside of you.

“Aw baby don’t cry. I love you too! Don’t doubt yourself love, because I’m the lucky one. The luckiest man alive because I have you,” he reassured as you sniffled into his chest.

“No way. Me. I’m… I’m.. I’m.. just.. I’m so plain,” You gestured to your body as if to demonstrate your point.

“Excuse me. No. I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you. I see a beautiful woman with the kindest eyes, beautiful hair, and a generous heart. I’m the lucky one because have you seen me? The guy with big eyes that looks so different from the majority of my peers.” He tried echoing your earlier movements.

“No! Don’t you ever say that!” you yelled. “You’re eyes are so expressive and gorgeous. I’ve known you forever and I still can’t figure out exactly what fucking color they are. They are… I call them ‘ocean eyes’ because they are ever changing from green to blue to sometimes gray. You are so talented and anyone that doesn’t see how talented you are is a fucking loser. And you will be successful no matter what because you want it, your live it, you fight for it. You are the love of my life, and I will stand behind you and support you no matter what!” You said holding him a little tighter now, because you know how insecure he can be about the way he looks.

“Oh babe. Look at us, arguing over our looks. If anyone overheard this conversation they would think we are the two most shallow individuals on the planet,” he laughs, trying to lighten the mood.

“Rami, this is fucking LA, ninety-eight percent of the population is made up of a bunch of shallow assholes. So for someone to overhear a conversation about our looks would just think we are another bunch of wannabe somethings.”

He let out another bark of laughter before he kisses your forehead.

“Okay, we need to get going now or both of us are going to be late.”

It was your turn to laugh again before you pointed out the fact that his name should actually be Rami Late-For-Everything Malek. To which he actually just flipped you the bird and that made you laugh so much harder than you already were. That was your Rami; playful and fun, sarcastic and just.. he was always making you laugh.

Sighing you climb into the passenger seat and buckle up. He puts the car in drive and cranks the radio up. You both sing along loudly and off-key to nearly every song that came on. Time seemed to pass by all too quickly and before you knew it, you were outside your house. You lean over to give him a not so chaste kiss, pulling away all too quickly.

“I’ll see you in a few hours baby. Oh, I forgot to tell you, bring your birth certificate and passport with you, just in case we decide to do something reckless on our little trip,” he smiled conspiratorially at you before giving you a wink. He can’t wink for shit, but it's adorable watching him try.

Confusion racking your brain, but not questioning his motives, you shut the door, and watch him drive away. Feeling like you were floating on air, you nearly dance your way into the house that you share with your parents and begin packing for your trip.

You decide to pack fairly light, even though you have no clue how long this trip is going to last for and you grab the documents that he requested that you bring with you, putting them in a plastic Ziploc bag, and shoving them into your backpack.

You decided to lay down for about an hour to take a small nap before work; your body a little tired from the vigorous activities earlier this afternoon. Waking with your alarm, you get up and take a quick shower. Then you get dressed in your ugly work uniform, grab your bags and head out the door as you stood at the end of your driveway waiting for Rami to show. He’s a little late like always so your mind wanders back to what he had said earlier. What could he possibly mean by ‘if we decide to do something reckless’?

The thoughts roll around in your brain- you must have looked like an idiot standing there lost in thought that you barely registered that he had pulled up.

“Yoooo babe!!!” he hollered out the window which snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Sorry, I’m comin!” you holler back. “Oh pop the trunk I’m going to throw my shit in there.”

He does as you ask and you toss your backpack and small duffle bag into the trunk of his car and you notice that he has several bags already in there, including what looked like a garment bag.

“Hey Sami!” you smile, as you climb into the backseat. You hadn’t even realized that his brother was in the car with him when he pulled up.

“Hey Y/N. How’ve you been?” he asks, a small smile on his face.

“Great, but you don’t have to ask, I just saw you last week before Rami came home. So compared to how I was last week I am doing so much better. Happier. Ugh babe, I can’t believe the seat isn’t dry yet. Jesus it’s had a few hours to bake in the sun and it’s still wet. Now my ass is going to be all wet when I get to work.”

Sami nearly spit his water all over the dash as his brother was now speeding down the highway towards your place of work; Rami just wore a smirk.

“You two are fucking disgusting. Animals.” Sami grumbles.

“That we are Sami-cakes, but the sex is always worth it,” you managed to get out between fits of giggles.

“Dude, she just called me ‘Sami-cakes’ like.. Seriously?”

“She calls me Rami-cakes, so Sam that just means that she likes you. She did tell me earlier that she thinks perhaps she fell in love with the wrong twin.”

The twins laughter rang through the car against the noise of traffic.

“So what the hell did you two do while I wasn’t around?

“The same thing we always do, just bro stuff.” Rami replied.

“Oh. I took a nap, because dealing with people gets irritating, and it’s even worse when I’m tired. I also think that my body needed a rest after the vigorous activities from earlier.”

“Awwww I wore you out.”

“Ewwww.. I don’t need to hear this,” Sami smirked, while plugging his ears.

“Don’t worry ya prude, your brother gave it to me good, more than once. Good lord his stamina and recovery time is the stuff of legends.” you state as Sami just made gagging noises.

“That’s on a need to know basis, and I DO NOT need to know this.”

All too soon the car pulled up to the diner that you worked in, and you said your goodbyes to the twins, kissed your boyfriend not so chastely in front of his brother who just let out another series of gagging noise which caused you to have another fit of giggles.

“Before you go love, I just wanted to tell you again how much I fucking love you, and I’m glad you’re home even if it’s just for a brief period of time.”

“I know. I love you too, but I gotta go before I make you late, or my brother causes me physical harm, whichever comes first.”

tags: @warmommy @xmxisxforxmaybe @free-rami @mrhoemazzello @spacedustmazzello @itsme690 @ramimedley @safinsscar @ladyr0b0t @youthtea @ramisgirl512 @hissom1933 @sassystrawberryk @ramimalekpan @breadnbutternips @doing-all-write @itslula1991 @sasha--1996 @imnottiredofgettingoveryou @alottanothing @mezzomercury @theultraviolencefan @the-real-ramimalekpeen @sasha--1996 @hazeleyedbeth @txmel @w0lfglrl17 @adoremalek @angeleyesmalek @rawmemalek @lunasasylum @lablanchett @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye

#Rami Malek #Rami Malek Smut #Smut #Fanfiction #Rami Malek Fanfiction #Rami Malek Fluff

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