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smiting-finger · 3 years

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alive, and back on my usual nonsense

So after getting preoccupied with other things and temporarily falling off the face of the planet (for like an entire year ಥωಥ), I was thinking about the kdrama Mr. Queen (which I've been meaning to watch), and the Chinese novel it was based on (太子妃升职记, which I read a few years ago and very much enjoyed), and this popped out--

Wei Wuxian’s first thought is that there seem to be an awful lot of female voices around, for a bedroom inhabited by two men. Did he drink too much last night? It wouldn’t be the first time he’s overindulged on a trip to the town and woken up in a strange place the next morning, but that kind of problem has been cropping up a lot less frequently now that he has Lan Zhan around to ferry him home.

(Sometimes literally, on his back. His broad, strong--)

But perhaps Lan Zhan had gotten drunk, too? In which case, Wei Wuxian should consider them lucky to have woken up surrounded by people, rather than chickens, rabbits or, notably, on one occasion, mounds of resentful cabbages.

The chatter around him continues, pitched high with youth and - is that anxiety? It's interspersed with the odd interjection from what sounds like one (calmer, if more exasperated) older woman and a man. Probably not a nunnery, he decides. Perhaps the back rooms of a pleasure house? Although, if that’s the case, this amount of excitement over a mere two men is honestly a little excessive.

He reaches out tentatively, but pats all the way across the mattress to the edge without finding his usual bedfellow. A much less tentative venture towards the other side produces similar results.

Hm.

Wei Wuxian cracks open an eye and heaves himself upright, absent-mindedly scratching at his (unusually soft - as much as he hates to admit it, maybe Nie Huaisang has a point about drinking less and training more) side and squinting into the too-bright light until the person-shaped blur in front of him sharpens into focus.

“Niang niang!” a complete stranger cries tearfully, clutching at the sleeve of his other arm. “You’re awake! Thank Heavens, you’re awake! Physician Liu, quick, quick!”

A cushion is produced from somewhere and thrust expectantly between Wei Wuxian and the elderly man sitting at his bedside.

He sighs. It’s probably not worth fighting.

Wei Wuxian smacks his upturned wrist onto the unusually lavish brocade and is only a little surprised when it’s covered by a cloth before the physician reaches to take it.

(Do they think he’s diseased?)

((Is he diseased?!))

(((Is that why Lan Zhan isn’t here?)))

He looks at the row of young girls (+ 1 matron) kneeling along the wall to his left, dressed identically to the first and also now beginning to prostrate themselves and wail about “Niang niang!” and blessings and deserving to die.

Not a pleasure house, then.

He looks around at the rest of the richly-furnished room and its intricately-carved wooden furniture, the wealth of jade carvings and the obscene amount of gold that's gilding … everything (so shiny). The opulence of it all would put even Jin Guangshan to shame.

So, not a nunnery either.

He looks down at the small hands, delicate wrists and - he clutches one abruptly just to make sure his eyes aren’t deceiving him - breasts of the body that he certainly was not inhabiting yesterday.

“Well,” he says aloud, unable to stop himself from wincing at the high, soft voice that emerges despite fully expecting it. “It’s not the first time this has happened.”

===

Two days, one diagnosis of shock-induced memory loss and some discreet enquiries (as well as some indiscreet enquiries) later, this is what he knows about his situation:

He’s the main consort (unfavoured) of the crown prince of whatever place he’s landed in;

Three days ago, following a disagreement with one Consort Yun (favoured, main competitor for husband’s affections);

In the course of this disagreement, both women somehow fell into a palace lake and mostly-drowned;

Consort Yun (admittedly quite pretty) was revived at the scene, but Wei Wuxian took a full day to “miraculously” recover;

Angered by the unseemly behaviour of her daughters-in-law, particularly upon learning that the Crown Princess’s first act upon waking was to stumble upon a chance meeting between the Crown Prince and Consort Yun in one of the pleasure gardens and bodily throw herself between them (a tactical error on Wei Wuxian’s part. He’d been trying to throw himself over the battlements to freedom, but he’d gotten lost and scaled the wrong wall), the Empress (Crown Prince’s political opponent, not particularly fond of either consort) grounded both of them to their respective residences for a month, with no visitors allowed.

Which brings him to his current position, feeding the fish in his personal pond as an excuse to be alone. Not truly alone - he shoots a pointed glance at the maids watching anxiously from the other side of the courtyard - because he’s apparently a “suicide risk” now (and honestly, yes, he’d meant to throw himself off that roof, but he hadn’t meant to die - it’s simply that this new body’s cultivation level is not what he’s come to expect even from Mo Xuanyu’s modest abilities), but alone enough to start planning his next move.

Direct escape is out - he didn’t have a plan for what to do once he’d gotten out anyway, and honestly he’s better-resourced for finding out how he got here in the Palace than anywhere else, so it’s no great loss.

“What do you think, Master Fish?” Wei Wuxian asks a gold and black spotted koi with particularly sage-looking whiskers. “Shall I just stay here for the time being?”

It’s not a terrible place to be for the time being, he must admit, throwing more food into the water and watching the fish swarm. Being grounded, he’s at no risk from the Crown Prince’s amorous attentions for a month (a salute of gratitude to the Empress for the inadvertent protection). And thanks to Consort Yun and her voluptuous figure (and if the Crown Prince is more partial to that than the Zhao Feiyan style of willowy fragility that Wei Wuxian seems to have inherited, who can honestly blame him?), he’s at no great risk from them after that, either (a salute of gratitude to the unknowing sister-in-arms, taking one - and hopefully a great many more after that - for the team).

According to his maid (sleeve-clutcher extraordinaire, who even now is boring two holes into his skull with her woeful gaze from across the way while he does nothing more suspicious than scatter another handful of feed towards some latercomer fish), the body he’s inhabiting comes from a powerful military lineage. In particular, her father is (was?) a powerful general who currently commands more than half the nation’s military forces and has the absolute trust of the Emperor. So that more or less keeps him safe from the machinations of the majority of the nest of vipers in this palatial cesspit.

That just leaves the Empress, who - if his servants and the smuggled letters from the Original Goods’s mother (a salute of gratitude to the worthy woman for spelling it out so that even such an interloper as he can understand) are anything to go by - would definitely kill him to damage the Crown Prince’s political standing or throw any sort of roadblock in the way of him from becoming Emperor.

Less immediately - if his secret informants are anything to go by (a salute of gratitude to the resourceful host for cultivating such a valuable resource if not her dantian) - it also leaves the Crown Prince, who, upon cementing his power as Emperor, would also definitely kill his current Crown Princess in order to wedge his beloved Consort Yun into the Empress role.

Really, the only road to any sort of security for someone in his position is to raise the next Imperial heir, outlive the Original Goods’s faithless husband and become the Empress Dowager.

Hopefully Wei Wuxian will be long gone by then, but if leaving means the Original Goods will return (from … Mo Xuanyu’s body? The Ether? Or???) - well, he doesn’t want to repay her hospitality by leaving her house in a mess, so to speak. So he’ll try to set her on that career path, if he can.

But that’s an aspirational goal. First, he has to not-die before he can find out how to get himself home.

And find out how to get himself home.

If getting himself home is even possible.

Wei Wuxian dumps the rest of the fish food in the water and yells.

(It startles the maids, the fish and the poor eunuch the Crown Prince has sent as a spy into falling out of the tree he’s been hiding in and into the prickly bushes below.)

===

The problem with “staying for the time being” is … well, how interminably boring it is. The approved list of hobbies for an Imperial consort seems to consist of: eating (but not too much), sleeping (but not too much), embroidery (which he can’t do), reading (but only texts on female virtue and the occasional terrible novel), playing music (but not the flute), conversing with his maids (who are very sweet, but are all like, 12) and walking in the gardens (which he’s not allowed to do).

Honestly, it’s no wonder all the consorts turn to scheming and murder.

It only takes a week of confinement for him to snap and sneak himself out for a nighttime adventure, setting off to explore the grounds and see … a night-blooming flower, a ghost, a rat, he’ll take pretty much anything at this point.

In the end, he finds none of these things, but the walking is still pretty nice, and he even hears the faint sounds of a guqin wafting over from one of the other consorts’ residences. (He should probably learn who lives where at some point, but it’s not exactly a priority. What’s he going to do with the information when he can only visit during the nighttime? Peep?) When Wei Wuxian wanders closer, the notes resolve themselves into the familiar strains of Flowing Waters, and his breath catches on a sudden surge of longing to hear the same song, played by a different set of fingers.

(First played on a familiar guqin and then, later, accompanied by soft humming between soft, worn sheets, played across the edges of Wei Wuxian’s ribs, along the dip of his spine, and finally lower, into--)

((Is Lan Zhan thinking about him?))

(((Is Lan Zhan looking for him?)))

Stumbling blindly on, he’s so caught up in missing Lan Zhan that he misses the first few stanzas of the next piece, and it isn’t until the music starts to rise in a familiar refrain that he freezes.

He knows that song.

He’s one of the only two people who know that song, which is in fact how he got caught out the last time he found himself in a farce of an identity charade, by the only other person who knows that song, who must be - who must be -

Lan Zhan, his blood sings in his ears as he takes off in a dead run towards the source of the playing. Up ahead of him, small courtyard glows softly with the light of the only burning lamp in their vicinity. Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan-

He scrambles up the wall with the ease of a lifetime’s practice, using bloody-minded determination to make up for the lack of muscle memory.

“Lan Zhan,” he yelps, forgetting to whisper in his excitement as he flings himself over the top and into the branches of a convenient, wall-side tree. “Lan Zhan, it’s me, I-”

This is, naturally, when his foot slips. He manages to catch hold of a branch, but his tender hands and puny wrists, unused to holding up anything heavier than a chicken leg, fail to maintain their hold through his weight, and he tumbles down the trunk into a sad puddle of fabric on the ground.

“Lan Zhan,” he gasps, fighting to untangle himself from the ridiculous train that, admittedly, made a considerable contribution to cushioning his fall. He clambers up onto his hands and knees--

--and looks straight into the wide-eyed stare of Consort Yun.

===

“I cannot believe,” Wei Wuxian growls, palming the ample softness of one exposed breast with one hand, while shoving the other deeper into the many (too many) layers of fabric between them and between Lan Zhan’s splayed legs, “that after everything that’s happened, you’re still taller than me.”

Lan Zhan huffs a laugh that turns quickly into a moan, and Wei Wuxian swallows it, smothers Lan Zhan’s gasping breaths with his own parted lips and sucks them greedily down even as he coaxes out more with twisting fingers here, another tug to Lan Zhan’s poor, abused nipple there.

He slides his fingers back between slick folds and then upwards again, pushing in and out in a few languid strokes before curling them to make Lan Zhan arch harder against the wall behind him, tilt his head back and expose a beautifully vulnerable stretch of neck to Wei Wuxian's teeth.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan murmurs, and his voice is different, the shape of his lips is different, but the way Wei Wuxian’s name fits inside his mouth (tender, beloved), the way he tucks the flyaway strands of hair behind Wei Wuxian’s ear, the look in his eyes when their gazes meet (warm, open, knowing) are the same, same, same.

===

I am entirely too lazy to write the rest of it, but afterwards they regroup and it turns out LWJ has been in this world for exactly one more day than WWX, having woken up in Consort Yun’s body when she was “revived”. Consort Yun is the daughter of a high-ranking Minister in the Treasury or something, so Lan Zhan been using his new position as the daughter of a ~scholarly family~ to build a reputation for being really into Buddhist scripture, and eventually he’s going to request to be allowed to go to a nearby Temple to attain some virtuous brownie points for the Imperial family via prayer as his penitence.

That there’s also an elderly monk living there who’s got a reputation for being super good with the divine mysteries and spiritual lore about curses and whatnot is totally immaterial, if Lan Zhan happens to run into that guy, it’ll be a total coincidence, yeah.

So WWX also starts on the divine penitence route, and if everyone thinks it’s because the Crown Princess refuses to be outdone by Consort Yun, then even better, and two weeks into confinement they wear the Empress down into letting them make the trip, and when they get there, turns out the monk is Nie Huaisang.

(NHS: “OH THANK GOD, I’ve done the research but the lynchpin of this mess is definitely somewhere in the Palace and I could not for the life of me figure out a way to get in.”

WWX: “That's nice, but seriously, how come you got to stay a man?”

NHS: “My friend, I may be a man, but my balls are currently swinging somewhere around my ankles.”

WWX: “...show me.”

And LWJ is like “NO.” except WWX can tell by the look in his eye that he sort of wants to see, too).

So they return to the Palace and WWX whirls into one of their morning audiences with the Empress, distraught about a ~dream from the ancestors~ where they warned him about disrupted ley lines or accumulated resentment or an offended minor god that needs investigation by someone, and “How convenient, because we met just the guy!” And the Empress looks like she was Done Five Years Ago, but the Empress Dowager, who’s old and doddery, is like “oh no, you must bring him!” and the Empress mutters “to fucking what, offend some major gods and really do the job properly?” and that’s how they find out the Empress is Jiang Cheng.

In the meantime, the confinement edict expires and WWX+LWJ are allowed to return to their regular programming, which means that as the legal wife, WWX can continuously summon LWJ to his residence for increasingly tenuous and spurious reasons. The best thing is, it’s not even out of character for the Crown Princess, who used to regularly summon Consort Yun to subject her to not-so-veiled barbs and petty torments. So WWX summons LWJ, and then immediately expels both their entourages from the room, instructing that no one is to enter on pain of death.

So LWJ’s maids are gnashing their teeth helplessly while all sorts of piteous moans, pained gasps and the occasional scream emanate from behind the closed door, and when their mistress finally emerges there are no marks on her body, but she’s weak-kneed and having trouble walking straight, so who knows what kind of terrible tortures the Crown Princess has visited upon her.

The Crown Prince obviously hears about this, so he bursts in one day without warning, only to find the two sitting together, the Crown princess’s arms around Consort Yun’s waist, her cheek pillowed on one heaving bosom, and although she’s smiling besottedly at him now, he could have sworn that he felt killing intent being directed at him only a second ago? And to tell the truth, he’s not really in love Consort Yun either, it’s all an act to keep the two consorts (and their families) pitted in a power struggle against each other until he can finally outmanoeuvre the Empress and cement his position as heir to the throne (and also to protect his actual favourite, a third consort who’s a nondescript nobody with no political backing). So the fact that “It was all a misunderstanding, we’re friends now,” his Crown Princess says sweetly (and did she … rub her cheek against his Consort’s chest? Must be his imagination) is not the worst thing (at least neither of them/their families can be enlisted by the Empress in support of her son, and if they’re caught up with Being Besties, then at least they’re not bullying his actual favourite), but for some reason he still feels kind of … threatened? Like someone’s making moves on his wife, which is absurd because they’re both his wives, but the vibes he gets from the first one in particular are kind of … off?

In any case, the crew solve the mystery, find the lynchpin object (which turns out to be a jade dildo belonging to one of the Emperor’s favoured consorts because of course it is), and wake up in their real bodies, in their real world, to a very apologetic hermit-inventor-cultivator whose property they stumbled onto while pursuing a resentful beast. Turns out they triggered the glamour/enchantment/psychic maze world he created as a security system because, “I just didn’t want to risk people getting into my stuff, you know? I’ve got some things that could be very dangerous in the wrong hands”. WWX is like “oh yeah, for sure” and JC is like “WHAT DO YOU MEAN FOR SURE? HOW IS THIS AN UNDERSTANDABLE RESPONSE, IF YOU’RE AFRAID PEOPLE WILL TOUCH YOUR SHIT THEN JUST ENCHANT SOME FUCKING WARRIOR GOLEMS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.”

#CQL #The Untamed #mo dao zu shi #Wangxian #fic #not-fic

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germanicseidr · 3 years

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Frisians

We are picking up from where we left off on my post about the Frisii. The Frisians were a germanic tribe/kingdom located in modern day Frisia, Noord-Holland, Zuid-Holland, Zeeland, Utrecht, Groningen, Drenthe and Overijssel in the Netherlands, east-Frisia in Germany and north-Frisia in Denmark. They are the oldest Germanic culture that still exist until this very day with their own unique history, flag, traditions and language.

During the great migrational period, which also marks the end of the iron age and the start of the medieval age, new settlers, mostly Saxons, settled themselves in former Frisii territory. Most of the Frisii had abandoned their homeland and migrated either southwards or to the west to Britannia. Only a very few Frisii remained in their homeland, too little to continue their population.

Around the 5th century AD these migrants were now settled properly and called themselves Frisians. They quickly turned their homeland into a powerful seafaring nation now bordered by the Christianized Franks to the south and the still pagan Saxons to the east, the Frisians were still pagan as well. By 500AD they were possibly the most powerful sea power in western Europe, a power they gained from their long history of sailing and trading.

Since the collapse of the Western Roman empire, the economy in western Europe was in a very sad state. Poverty and hunger were considered to be normal while ancient Roman settlements started to decay and slowly disappear. Between 300-500AD, trade was pretty much dead and time appeared to have stopped moving for the people in western Europe. This all eventually changed thanks to the Frisians who were able to restore trade routes and opened up a path for the now so famous vikings.

During the late 6th century, the Frisians set up wide-spread trading routes all across the north sea, east sea and the Rhine area. In all of these trading areas, settlements grew like cabbage thanks to the wealth that these Frisian traders brought, settlements like: Ipswich in England, Ribe in Denmark and Medemblik in the Netherlands. Already existing settlements such as London and Dorestad grew thanks to this trade. Dorestad, a city which was located in modern day Utrecht, the Netherlands, even became the most important trade hub of western Europe, it was also the capital of the Frisian kingdom.

The Frisians were in fact so dominant in their trade that the term Frisian became a synonym for trader in many Germanic languages until around 1000AD. Curiously enough, many of the trading settlements were not fortified with walls or forts, the 6th and 7th century were relatively peaceful times. It was also the Frisians who reintroduced the concept of money in the form of sceatta coins. The word sceatta itself is Frisian for treasure. Archeologists have found these sceatta coins all around the North sea coast, England, Denmark, Germany and the Netherlands. These sceattas were based on earlier Roman coins. So you can thank the Frisians for the fact that we use money instead of the old trading system.

So what did the Frisians trade exactly? They traded both luxery goods and more mundane goods per example: Fabrics, skins, pottery, metal, cattle, fish, flesh, salt, wine, dairy products, fur, milling stones and even walrus, sea lion and reindeer products which they got from the far North in Scandinavia. They also traded in human lives because the slave trade was a lucrative business and slaves were essential for the early medieval economy.

Who ruled the Frisians? It is not known when the Frisian tribe turned into a kingdom but we do have written sources of some of the earliest Frisian kings. The oldest yet quite unreliable source comes from the epic poem Beowulf which mentions Finn Folcwalding as the first king of the Frisians. It is however doubtful if Finn actually really existed since Beowulf is not exactly a reliable historical source. According to the Poem, Finn was the son of Folcwalding and married a Danish princes, Hildeburh.

Here is a quote from the Beowulf poem: "The warriors returned then to seek their houses, bereft of friends, to see Frisia, their homes and high fort yet Hengest the death-stained winter spent with Finn, in a place with no fellowship at all; he remembered his land, though he could not drive on the sea the ring-prowed ship: the sea welled in storm, fought against the wind, the winter locked the waves in icy bonds, until came another year to the courtyards, as it still does now, those which continuously carry out their seasons, gloriously bright weathers." Beowulf

The first Frisian king of whom's existence we actually got archeological evidence, is king Audulf, who ruled Frisia between 600-630AD. The most famous Frisian ruler however is king Redbad/Radboud who ruled Frisia from 690-719AD. His story is recorded by the Franks, the enemy of the Frisian kingdom. According to these records, Redbad refused to convert to Christianity exclaiming that he would rather spent an eternity in hell with his ancestors than to go to heaven.

It was also under Redbad's rule that the Frisian kingdom reached its peak. The Frisians and Franks were continuously at war with each other as the Franks tried to expand their empire. Not only did the Franks aspire to add more land to their already massive empire, they wanted to convert the Frisians to Christianity as well which they eventually did with quite some violence. Bonifatius and Willibrord were send to Frisia with orders to built churches and convert the local people.

Bonifatius started to chop down sacred trees throughout Frisia, oak trees which were dedicated to Donar, which were used not only for religious purposes but also for judicial purposes. This angered the Frisians greatly and eventually the mob turned against Bonifatius killing him and his followers out of anger and revenge.

Redbad managed to keep Frisia largely pagan until his death in 719AD. After his death, the Frisian kingdom was quickly conquered by the Franks who divided the kingdom into three parts, East-Frisia, Middle Frisia and West-Frisia. One thing I want to mention is that there is a very popular post going around the internet saying that Redbad is the last Frisian king, this is however not true. The last Frisian king was Poppo who ruled Frisia between 719-734AD. It was during Poppo's reign that Frisia was conquered by the Franks, perhaps the reason why most people conveniently leave him out of history.

By the year 734AD, the Frisians were now largely converted to Christianty but some pagans still remained. The latest pagan burial dates back to around 1000AD and some pagan habits like placing offerings in moors and swamps continued on well into the 18th century. It took a very long time before the Frisians accepted Christianity, almost 1000 years before the Christian faith fully got its hold in even the smallest settlements.

Not only Frisia was conquered and converted by the Franks, the Saxons were also invaded by them which led to the Saxon wars which took place between 772-804AD. These wars eventually led to the destruction of the Irminsul and the forcible conversion to Christianity. Countless of pagans were murdered for refusing to convert. The Frisians provided military support for the Saxons in their uprising but it sadly failed. With the arrival of the 9th century, continental Germanic paganism has almost completely died with the exception of Denmark.

The Frisians were no longer independent and by 839AD, the reign of Frisian counts began. During the 9th century, the Frisian territory, now part of Lotharingia, was repeatedly attacked by the vikings. Thanks to the vikings, the Frisians lost their status of the most powerful seafaring nation and an age of terror began. Dorestad, former capital of the Frisian kingdom, was raided several times by the vikings until the city eventually slowly died. It was rediscovered in 1842 during archeological research conducted by L.J.F Janssen, conservator of the rijksmuseum van Oudheden in Leiden.

Since the Christianization of Frisia went so slowly, many of its people still believed in the Germanic Gods by the time the vikings were active. After the passing of Louis the pious, king of the Franks, in 840AD, a power struggle broke out between his three sons which resulted in devastating civil wars. The Frisians, who are genetically and culturally identical to the Danes, decided to stop defending their territories from Danish raiders and so Frisia fell in the hands of Danish rulers. The Frisians and Danes actually had good relationships with each other as their culture and religion were the same. It is believed that many Frisians turned viking as well and joined the Danes in their viking raids.

Eventually the viking raids stopped but the Frisians, now known as the West-Frisians, continued their good relationships with Denmark, a friendship which continued for many centuries as Holland and Denmark later united to battle the Swedes, in fact this friendship still endures until this very day and was recently celebrated between both governments.

The counts of West-Frisia, who governed on behalf of the Holy Roman Emperor, ruled over the area which was formally part of the Frisian kingdom, modern day Noord-Holland, Zuid-Holland, Friesland, Groningen, Drenthe, Utrecht and east-Frisia. The first known count is Dirk I who governed over Frisia between 916-928AD. This line of counts continued until count Dirk V of West-Frisia declared himself as count of Holland and so the province of Holland was born.

The climate of Europe changed again between 800-1200AD, the medieval warm period had begun. This eventually led to a gigantic flood, the Sint-Lucia flood, which created the Zuiderzee and separated West-Frisia from East-Frisia. Eventually east-Frisia became known as simply Frisia but West-Frisia, now reduced to an area connected to Holland, continued to exist under its former name. The remaining part of West-Frisia refused to join Holland which resulted in the West-Frisian wars which lasted around 160 years.

West-Frisia was eventually absorbed into Holland by count Floris V during the late 13th century after series of battles and a mass slaughter committed by the Hollanders on West-Frisian men, women and children. Even though West-Frisia is nowadays part of Holland, they still remain their own unique identity, anthem, flag and dialect. the province of Holland grew into the most powerful province of the low lands and eventually revolted against their Spanish overlords in 1568, a struggle now known as the 80 years war for Dutch independence which resulted in the free republic of the united provinces in 1648, the creation of the Netherlands as a united land.

Meanwhile east-Frisia, now known as Frisia, continued to resist against every power that tried to conquer the territory. Frisia became an independent territory around the year 1000AD and continued to be independent until they decided to join the Dutch revolt against the Spanish. Frisia joined the union of Utrecht and became part of the Dutch republic and still continues to be part of the Netherlands until this very day although some Frisians want to reclaim their independence again.

I am sorry for this long post on the history of the Frisians but they have a very long history that deserves to be told since they greatly influenced all of Europe and are the oldest still existing Germanic culture of Europe.

Here are images of: a map showing Magna Frisia, the Frisian kingdom at its peak. An image of king Redbad/Radboud, Frisian traders, artist unknown, A map of the Frisian trade network, Frisian sceatta coins with a depiction of Wodan, a map showing West-Frisia before the formation of Holland, A photo that I took myself of West-Frisian remains badly maimed by soldiers of Holland during the West-Frisian wars, Current territory of West-Frisia, map showing present day Frisia and east-Frisia

#Germanic #Germanic tribe #pagan #Frisia #History #Dutch

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whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years

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Tuesday 1 October 1839 Travel Journal

7 ½

1 ¼

fine morning but flags wet – F61 ¼° now at 8 55/.. am Reading Murrays’ encyclopaedia geography vol. 2 Siberia p. 1077. ask at the botanic garden for

Rosa berberifolia

Saxifraga geum

Tragopogon orientalis

Pedicularis Elata

P. proboscidea

Pinus cembra (from 4500 to 6500 Parisian ft. of elevation) what is the meaning and derivation of the word lychen what was Linnaeus’ favourite flower

Juniperus nana

Betula nana

Salix nana

Betula alba (common brich)

Pinus Siberica (p. 1078) ‘grows at the foot of the mountain with fir but more frequently with the Spruce [?] (Abies) and at 2000 to 3000 is very abundant’

SH:7/ML/TR/14/0027

October Tuesday 1 ask difference between Pinus and fir and what is the name [?] to fir

+ Chamissos’ flora of stamtschatka, Aleutian island and Beharings’ straits

Pinus cembra, seeds of eaten by the Russians

Sorbus aucuparia (mountain ash?)

Alnus incana

Populus aspen?

what 2 other sorts (p. 1079) grow on the banks of the river Siberia?

+ quoted much in Hookers’ botanical miscellany

Cornus Suecica

Urtica dioica common nettle?

Vaccinium myrtillus (bilberry?) bleau bery? cloud bery?

Sanguisorba Canadensis

Ferns (filices)

Geum (Fischer knows nothing about as a sacred architectural plant)

Oxycoccos (p. 1081)

Uva ursi

Fucus esculentus (sea kale of the Russians)

Pisum maritimum

Sphagnum

Pale and black lichens islands of St. George and St. Paul (p. 1081)

Mosses

[Carices]

Spiraea chamaedrifolia [chamaedryfolia]

what is the red moss in Sweden? and the yellow on the oaks at Stockholm?

October Tuesday 1

Linnaea borealis (Handbook p.111) favourite flower of Linnaeus

Lantana and Vitalba what?

Lantana, Wayfaring tree – a sorb?

Kapusta white cabbages of enormous size in the Crimea.

Trifolium did not Mrs. Lawton mention a new sort brought to England growing 5 or 6ft. high?

breakfast at about 9 ¼ in about ¾ hour – before and after writing of foregoing notes of inquiries to be made and read Murrays’ encyclopaedia of geography etc. till had Dr. Lefevre for near ½ hour till 11 ¼ - out at 11 ¾ to the Library (Imperial) – at 12 Mr. de Moralt went round the 21 salles with us in ¼ hour – the new wing = 6 salles finished I think he said in 1832 and adjoined to the old part part part finished in 1812 –

a pupitre of 4 shelves on a moveable axes – no description or model of it to be had – the shelves seemed about 20in. wide and 4ft. long? this sort of thing might be contrived at home –

at 12 20/.. sat down to look at mss. – an artist here copying Alexander by Dove who did this and all the [generals] etc. at the Hermitage at 1,000 rubels each – I left A- to the mss., and looked over the folio ‘Voyage de Messrs. Humbotdt und Bonpland. Partie Botanique ........ in ordinem digessit Carol. Sigismund. Kunth. Fascicul 10. Figures colorieés – à Paris. Libraire de Gide fils. Rue St. Marc – Feydeau, no. 20. Planches de l’imprimerie de Langlois.

SH:7/ML/TR/14/0028

October Tuesday 1 Layards the name of the author of the Handbook signing himself E.L. Mr. Moralt said he was introduced to him by Brieffy the bookseller – at the library till 1 ¾ having latterly had Mr. Atkinson the English librarian for the modern works – very civil – the library not rich in English works – neither Captain Cochranes, nor Bremners’ –

at the Botanic garden at 2 5/.. – Mr. Fischer, on the lookout, came to us immediately and took us to the serres a verst long! the Berlin garden the richest in Europe – Kew not much now – the Edinburgh botanic garden the best in Great Britain – became a royal garden and became tho’ Dr. Graham less scientifie (savant) than Sir William Hooker the Edinburgh Gardener Mr. MacNab is one one of the best in England in Great Britain – the Glasgow garden is by subscription and the college had 10 or 12 shares (actions) but tho’ this give some weight at Hooker (the college professor) yet he has not weight enough – spoke of Knights? exotic garden at Chelsea -

for £2,000 a year more – F- would make this the finest richest botanic garden in Europe – he would have jardins [filials]

Crimea

Rio Janeiro

at the mouth of the Amazon Maranham [Maranhão]

Demerara

Cape of good hope

New Holland

California

Preserve gardens at the 7 places named – I had said I thought the emperor ought to have a [?] garden in the Crimea

Mr. A- said 7 librarians and 4 under ditto at the Imperial library

here 120,000 rubels per annum 400,000 from Jardin des plantes – the fault of the English gardens (Liverpool the best (ranks with Edinburgh and Glasgow) is that the old plants are thrown away for new ones – novelty is too much sought after – Loddiges establishment costs £10,000 a year –

Lambert on the genus Pinus vice-president of the Linnean society – 8vo. edition 4 vols.

F 20 years at Moscow with............ the hothouses separate – lost his health in going from one to the other by the sudden changes of temperature .:. here had all the houses under one roof – the flood in 1824 did great damage – the water 2 or 3ft. high in the serres – the emperor once thought of removing them to the Taurida [Tauride] palace garden – but now the plants so well rooted etc. it would not be advisable –

1839

Marshal Bieberstens’ [Marschall von Bieberstein] flora Tauro-Caucasia. 3vols. 8vo.

à son Altesse

Mr. le prince Volkonski ministre de la maison de l’Empereur

he would [was] the man to apply to for leave to see the the favourite flower of Linnaeus Andromeda polifolia F- thinks Ficus sarmentosa or stipulate the beautiful little creeper in my favourite serre when concrétionnés lime stones are piled up for the rock plants – very pretty and natural looking

the son or nephew of the French ambassador was there with F-‘s belle soeur and F- introduced us to her en passant – saw her afterwards – very civil – came away at 4 ¾ - home direct at 5 ½ - dressed – dinner over at 6 50/..

Krusenstern 51/426 ‘La méthode d’Enseignement est celle de Lancastre dans toutes les écoles paroissiales des villes, bourgs ou villages’

Each school has ‘cartes géographiques etc. (books maps and other objects d’instruction’ approved par le ministère 52/426. at the District schools (p. 55)

Les Gymnases p. 57 more particularly destined for the education of gentilshommes – Latin Grammar and French taught – Greek (for want of masters) only taught in the university-town gymnases

p. 64 young peasants free or not, inadmissible now to the gymnases – Education should be suited to the position of the person – those overeducated found the state to which they must return insupportable – ‘et l’expérience a prouvé que ces hommes out tombaient dans une noire mélancolie, ou se livraient à des, excès qui finissaient ordinairement par les perdu’

p. 67 according to the new règlement of 1835. German French English and Italian taught – and vid. p. 66 Arabian, Turkish, Persian, Mongole and Tartarian taught

p. 70 every professor after 25 years of service obtains the title of Emeritus and his chair is considered vacant – but may be re-elected for so long as he is able –

SH:7/ML/TR/14/0029

October Tuesday the professors who have obtainted the title d’émerite after 25 years service have a pension égale a leur traitement annuel – ½ for 10 years – ¾ for 15 years – vide

p. 74. vide salaries of professors – at Petersburg and Moscow 5,000 R-

p.79 at the university de Casan particular attention paid to the Arabic, Persian, Tartar, and Mongol to prepare young men for being employed as dragomans and translateurs.

Mongole grammar par Schmidt. p. 81.

5 young Buriates one of them a Lama, studying at Casan - .:. hope to rapprocher ‘des trésors de la littérature tibétaine, restes inaccessibles jusqu’ à présent aux recherché des Européens, car c’est entre les mains des Lamas Buriates que demeurent ignorés de précieux monumens de cette littérature’ p. 82/486

Dorpat p. 87 et seq. ‘les travaux scientifiques de l’université’ sont ‘trés étendus’ e.g. the Atlas Zoologique de professor Eschholtz who accompanied Captain Kotzebue in his voyage round the world. and the expeditions of professor Engelhardt in the government of Olonetz [Olonec] and the east parts of the Oural [Ural] chain – his mineralogical works known to all the mineralogists of Europe –

Struve for his astronomical discoveries

Ratke histoire naturelle in his travels on the north of the Black sea

Göbels’ scientific travels in the Steppes of this part of the empire

Ledebur’s Flore des monts Altay [Altaj]

Parrot’s voyage à l’Ararat.

October Tuesday 1 ‘De plus il y paraît chaque mois une publication sous le titre de Chronique de Dorpat.

Odessa p. 97 et seq. – p. 100 ecole at O- for the oriental languages –

Gymnases at Tiflis [Tbilisi] etc. etc. Kouba, Bakou, Derbent, at Erivan. o. 105

p. 109 et seq. on private schools and private tuition no Russian allowed to leave Russia to study abroad before aet. 18

académie Impériale des sciences p. 123 – among its members (p. 124) were Euler, Gmelin, Pallas, etc.

p. 124 vi. Scherers’ Aperçu historique des travaux de l’académie Impériale des Sciences de St. Petersbourg depuis 1726 jusqu’ à 1826’.

p. 125 the académie has 206,000 R. (Ukase du 30 Janvier 1830) per annum

p. 126 ---------- 239,400 R. per annum

p. 128 the 6th series of memoires (faisant suite à 73 vols. published before) was commenced in 1826 (since 1826?)

For an account of these memoires vid. Receuil des Actes de l’ académie vid. particularly

p. 128 Mr. Krug sur l’origine des Slaves

Mr. Fraehr’s important discoveries dans les auteurs arabes vid. an earlier part of Krusenstern the old Russian letters resemble those on the rocks in the desert…….

p. 130 Flore Russe published par les soins de l’ académie and ‘Dessins appartenant à la zoographie de la Russia d’Asie.’

p. 131 Description statistique de gouvernement de Vologda par Mr. Broussiloff.

SH:7/ML/TR/14/0030

October Tuesday 1

p. 133 L’expédition archéographie de Mr. Stroïeff Stroïeff

p. 134 this work will = 10vols. folio (from 1340 to 1700)

this work completed Stroïeff/2 and the academy/1 will s’occuper d’un travail plus vaste – ‘la publication d’un receuil systématique de totues les sources de l’histoire de la Russie’

p. 137 the academician Dr. Mertens in 1826 from Russia in North west America and Asia brought 2500 plants etc. and 100 dessins –

p. 338 magnetic observation made at Pekin by the astronomer Fuss and Dr. Bunge at the same time explored le règne végétale de la Chine -

p. 339 Ermanns’ voyahe sur le Lena and Bunge explored also les mountains Altai [Altaj]

p. 140 on the level of the Caspian – Parrot now thinks no difference between level of Caspian and Black sea?

p. 142. Atmospheric pressure varies – doubts as to infallibility of the barometer as a measure of heights

p. 143 Mr. Sjogren agrees with Klaproth that the Ossètes are Indo-Germanic –

p. 145. Catalogue = 100+ of ouvrages Arabian Persian and Turc that are to be sought for –

p. 146 a limited no. of persons admitted to some of the Séances of the academy

p. 148 17 April anniversarie de la [?] de [?] le Cesarewitch is the day the academy prizes are given

p. 150. 151. Le musée asiatique ‘le cabinet est unique dans son genre en Europe: Mr. Fraehn en fait un catalogue raisonné.

October Tuesday 1 vid. at the observatory Dopat (p. 155) la fameuse lunette de Frauenhofer, un des instrumens le plus parfaits qui existent. vid. [Observation] central (1st stone laid in the spring of 1834) sur la montagne de Pulkowo no buildings houses allowed to be erected with a verst of it –

p. 159 the academy has published ‘Notices de l’academie 1815-1823 4vols. – Publication periodique 1829-1832. 4vols. memoires 1834-1836. 3 vols.

sat reading so far of Krusenstern to p. 160 and making the above notes till now 12 at night

p. 225 Le genre du vie des élèves vid. 8 hours for sleep

p. 130 et seq. vid. ecole des mines – fine day

6 notes · View notes

jaybug-jabbers · 3 years

Text

Flick’s Complete Bug Guide

Hi, all! Do you feel a wave of disappointment whenever you bring Blathers a bug and he spends all his time berating the poor creatures? Want to learn more about the buggy friends you find in Animal Crossing without all the snide remarks?

Look no further– this is Flick’s Complete Bug Guide! Learn about these amazing creatures from the perspective of a true bug fan!

You’re encouraged to visit every time you capture a new bug so you can learn more about it!

This guide is written in the theoretical universe where you can approach Flick during a day he is visiting and there is a dialogue option “Tell me about this!”

Upon being asked to tell you about a bug, Flick would say:

“Oh my gosh! A <name of bug>! I can hardly even gaze upon its sheer beauty and magnificence!”

“Ahem. I-I mean, um … thank you for bringing this to me!”

He would then tell you about the bug, and finish his speech with the following:

“It has been an honor to spend time in the presence of your <name of bug>. I hope you enjoyed hearing what wisdom I could share about it!”

Now, onward to the bug guide!

Common Butterfly (Pieris rapae)

The Common Butterfly, also known as the Cabbage Butterfly or the White Butterfly, is a widespread species of butterfly with pretty white wings and black spots. A large reason this species has grown so widespread is because its caterpillars love to eat plants in the cabbage family, including kale, broccoli and bok choy, plants that humans grow plenty of. While these caterpillars are considered serious crop pests, it’s interesting to note that these little grubs will move around a lot when feeding, avoiding damaging any single part of the plant too much. This may be to avoid predators from easily spotting the caterpillars, but they also might be trying to share the crops with us! With that in mind, maybe we can learn to share our crops with the butterflies, too.

Yellow Butterfly (Colias erate)

Ever wonder about a butterfly’s wing? Such delicate, beautiful structures? Well, the scientific name for the family of butterflies and moths is ‘Lepidoptera,’ which means 'scale wing.’ Butterfly wings are coated in thousands of teeny, tiny scales made of chitin. These scales help insulate a butterfly, as well as allow butterfly wings to get their coloration through pigments or iridescence. The scales also allow for a very neat trick– if a butterfly gets captured in a spider’s web, there’s a good chance some of the scales on their wings will detach, allowing the butterfly to slip away. That’s why if you handle a butterfly, sometimes you hands are covered in a fine powdery substance. That powder is some of the butterfly’s scales rubbing off on you. I have to admit, I envy butterfly scales a little. They seem much more beautiful and functional than my own lizardy scales.

Common Bluebottle (Graphium sarpedon)

This vibrant black-and-blue insect is a type of swallowtail butterfly, and lives in tropical rainforests as well as some drier, subtropical environments. Like most butterflies, they feed on flower nectar, but Bluebottles are also commonly seen drinking from mud puddles. This helps them take in salts and minerals from the ground. In search of nutrients, Bluebottles may even occasionally feed from animal droppings or dead animals! Although this may change your image of butterflies as sweet, lovely insects, it’s actually a really smart move for the butterflies. Good things can come even from wastes!

Tiger Butterfly (Papilio machaon)

The Tiger Butterfly is named for its dramatic yellow and black-striped coloration. It’s also sometimes called a Yellow Swallowtail, because of the long tails on its hindwings that resemble the tails of swallows. When Tiger Butterflies are caterpillars, they are covered in brown, white and black spots– ingeniously camouflaged as bird droppings! As the caterpillars get older, their colors change to a lovely green with black and orange markings. They also gain a new defense against predators, called the osmeterium. This is a forked, retractable organ that the caterpillar can inflate when feeling threatened. The osmeterium releases a foul odor, warding off ants and other predatory insects. As you can see, caterpillars have all sorts of tricks to avoid being eaten– which is a good thing, because that means more beautiful butterflies!

Agrias Butterfly(Agrias claudina)

This superb little butterfly is considered one of the most beautiful species to exist, and with its iridescent pink and violet set on a black background, I find it hard to argue. The glorious colors you’re witnessing are thanks to the teeny, tiny scales that coat the butterflies’ wings. Male Agrias Butterflies also have small yellow patches of scales on their hindwings, and these patches are special. They’re actually made of something called androconial scales. These scales help release pheromones for attracting a mate. Butterflies communicate with each other through these pheromones, as well as those colorful, glittering wings. Of course, with such eye-catching looks, these butterflies may gain the unwanted attention of predators, too, but they’re in luck: Agrias Butterflies are incredibly swift and agile fliers. It takes a lot to get ahold of one of these little gems!

Queen Alexandra’s Birdwing (Ornithoptera alexandrae)

Oh, wow! You caught a Queen Alexandra’s Birdwing? Those are rare– they’re an endangered species! They live in rainforests, but habitat destruction from oil palm plantations has really damaged their populations. (It didn’t help that a volcano erupted around the 50s, destroying much of their habitat as well.) These days, it’s illegal to trade this species worldwide. Hopefully, with habitat protection and captive breeding programs, the species will make a comeback. It’s a really special species– did you know it’s the largest butterfly in the world? Its wingspan can reach up to 9 inches or larger! The females are the larger of the species, while males are smaller but more brightly colored. They love to fly quite high up, and have few natural predators due to their size. That fact gives me hope! I want to see these birdwings thrive once more.

Emperor Butterfly (Morpho menelaus)

The charismatic Emperor Butterfly– also commonly known as the Blue Morpho– is a wonderful example of iridescence. The shimmering cerulean shades of this species do not come from pigment but instead from wing scales that have a special microstructure, reflecting the light in a special way to produce the color. As the butterfly flies, you get flashes of bright blue, and other times see the dark wing undersides. It makes for quite the dazzling display. This butterfly’s wings don’t only look lovely, but also are able to repel water. As a result, it’s one of the few butterflies that will fly in the rain! Because of its beauty, the Emperor is popular with collectors, but over collection and habitat destruction threatens this species. It’s essential that we protect and preserve nature and its incredible insects, so future generations can enjoy them as well!

Rajah Brooke’s Birdwing (Trogonoptera brookiana)

The regal Rajah Brooke’s Birdwing is the national butterfly of Malaysia, and it’s easy to see why. This butterfly makes for an impressive sight; it has a wingspan over 7 inches long and has shimmering, electric-green and black wings. It dwells on rainforested islands where it feeds from flowers such as orchid trees. Interestingly, the males love to gather at hot mineral springs to sip the water, while the drabber-colored females are seen far less often, living a more mysterious life in the trees. The caterpillars of this species are white and brown, covered in defensive spines called tubercles. These larvae feed on the poisonous leaves of vines, storing the poison in their bodies so they are toxic to predators that try to eat them. Laws have been made to protect this popular species, attempting to limit the trade and export of these butterflies. Unfortunately, people sometimes still try to smuggle this species to sell to collectors. It’s an important reminder that we need to protect and respect these beautiful creatures, and not let collecting get out of hand.

Great Purple Emperor (Sasakia charonda)

The Great Purple Emperor is Japan’s proud national butterfly, due to their refined beauty and their wide distribution across Japan. They are black or brown butterflies speckled in white and yellow, with the males covered in a gorgeous purple sheen. They like to dwell in the upper canopy of trees but will come down to feed, sipping up tree sap and occasionally seeking minerals from animal droppings or animal carcasses. They are quick, strong flyers and are said to look like birds when they fly. The caterpillars of this species are adorable green larvae with a pair of horns that I think makes them look absolutely charming. These caterpillars enjoy the leaves of hackberry trees, and when winter comes, the fellows will turn a brown color and crawl to the ground and hide among the roots and fallen leaves. When spring arrives, they immerge from hiding and continue to feed until they are ready to pupate and become adults in the summer. Then they take flight with their strong wing beats– truly the kings of the summer forest!

Paper Kite Butterfly (Idea leuconoe)

The Paper Kite Butterfly is known for its slow, graceful flight, looking much like a handkerchief drifting in the breeze. With their silvery white wings, decorated in dramatic black stripes and spots, it only adds to the loveliness of the picture. However, it’s important to note this species is not simply beautiful; it’s also highly poisonous. The caterpillars of Paper Kites feed on a number of toxic vines, and store the poisons in their bodies as they eat. This poison remains when they transform into adults, so any birds that happen by and try to eat this butterfly are in for a nasty surprise. The bird usually survives these encounters but learns a valuable lesson– avoid snacking on these elegant creatures!

Peacock Butterfly (Papilio bianor)

The Peacock Butterfly is a type of swallowtail butterfly, which means its hindwings have extensions that look very much like the tails of swallows. These colorful 'tails’ are actually great defensive mechanisms. If a bird tries to attack the Peacock Butterfly, it may focus instead on the eye-catching tail. This may end up with a bird grabbing a chunk of wing, but the butterfly’s vital body parts are still intact, and it can escape. Next time you’re admiring the gorgeous sparkling tails of the Peacock Butterfly, you can appreciate they aren’t simply for show but can also help protect these insects!

Monarch Butterfly (Danaus plexippus)

This particular butterfly is well-known for its epic migrations. Because Monarchs do not tolerate the cold, each year when winter begins to approach, they migrate en masse southward to Mexico, where they overwinter. They do this by taking advantage of air currents and thermals, traveling amazing distances in the process– sometimes up to 3,000 miles! During this migration, when the butterflies are resting, they gather together in large groups to roost on trees, huddled for warmth. A group of migrating monarchs is a truly incredible sight to behold; the air thick with fluttering wings, the trees absolutely covered in bright black and orange. Once winter has passed, the monarchs begin a return migration, but this one is different, as it spans multiple generations. The butterflies that eventually return northward in the spring are the grandchildren of the ones that left in the winter– in fact, it takes 3-4 generations for the monarchs to return to their northern territories again! Their journeys are truly inspiring.

Moth (Order Lepidoptera)

Time for a little lesson! Want to know the difference between butterflies and moths? A lot of people might think the difference is that moths are nocturnal and rather duly-colored, while butterflies are colorful and active during the day. But the truth is, there are actually a lot of daytime-flying moths, and many of those species are extremely colorful! A better way to tell them apart is to look at their antenna; generally, butterfly antenna are thin with 'clubs’ at the end, while moth antenna are fuzzy or feathery and lack clubs. Also, you can look at their wings when they’re at rest: butterflies usually like to hold their wings closed when they rest, while moths usually hold their wings flat. However, these are just rules of thumb, and there are exceptions. Ultimately, they’re both very closely related insects in the order Lepidoptera, and both equally enjoyable creatures.

Madagascan Sunset Moth (Chrysiridia rhipheus)

It is positively euphoric to gaze upon the Madagascan Sunset Moth, with its wide wingspan of 3 to 3 and a half inches, its eye-catching tails, and its glittering kaleidoscopic colors of red, green, blue and black. This day-flying moth species sips nectar and flits about the forests of Madagascar. Their caterpillars, white larvae clad in black spots and stripes, like to feed upon highly toxic shrubs, and then store the poison in their bodies. When they metamorphose into adults, they retain their toxicity, so predators quickly learn to avoid these dazzling insects. This species is considered one of the most beautiful moth or butterfly species in the world, prized among collectors and sometimes used in the making of jewelry. Of course, I feel the best way of appreciating this moth is the same way you appreciate a sunset; just be present for the moment you’re living in. Thank you for sharing this moment with us, Sunset moth.

Atlas Moth (Attacus atlas)

What a beautiful creature! The Atlas moth is one of the largest moths in the world. Do you see how its wings are massive compared to its little body? And here, the tips of its wings have these large extensions that look like the head of a snake! When potential predators disturb this moth, it flaps its wings and uses these false snake heads to try and spook animals away. It’s a clever tactic, because the Atlas moth must be careful about conserving its energy– it cannot afford to fly great distances. Why? Because it has no mouth. Adult moths simply never eat and live off of the fat reserves they built up when they were feeding as caterpillars. Like the bloom of a flower, the life of the Atlas Moth does not last long, but our worlds are all the richer for having them in it.

Rice Grasshopper (Oxya japonica)

The Rice Grasshopper is considered by people to be an agricultural pest, because it loves to eat crops, especially rice crops. However, the Rice Grasshopper is also considered by people to be, um … a very tasty snack. I have a sad story about Rice Grasshoppers. I was a pretty young hatchling at the time, and I was playing outside. I had been chasing a grasshopper for over an hour. When I finally captured it, I was so excited and proud! It was a beautiful Rice Grasshopper, probably a female, since it was quite large. I brought it back home to show my father. I … I gave it to him so he could look at it, and . . . he ate it in one gulp… . I cried a long time after that. He hadn’t realized I wanted to keep it. But, um … yeah. We don’t always get along so well. I can’t possibly imagine wanting to eat such beautiful, amazing creatures.

Long Locust (Acrida cinerea)

This fantastic-looking grasshopper has an incredibly long, triangular head, with two long antenna on top. They also have amazingly long hind legs, which they use to bound away from predators. They feed upon various grasses and especially have a taste for rice plants. The females of the Long Locust are much larger than the males, and can often be mistaken as a separate species. In Japan, these grasshoppers are known as Shouryou-batta, or “Spirit Grasshopper.” Because the grasshoppers appear in summer and autumn, around the time of the Bon Festival, and the grasshoppers’ bodies are boat-shaped, they remind people of the boats used during the festival to carry the souls of the departed. Quite an honorable reputation for this little locust!

Grasshopper (Infraorder Acrididea)

Grasshoppers come from a family of insects that have ancient roots, all the way back to the Triassic period. They have been chomping away on grasses and other plants for a very long time! They have powerful hind legs they use to spring into the air in order to evade predators. In the moment they leap, they may also flash their brightly-colored wings to startle their enemies. Since you’ve captured this grasshopper, I’m sure you know how surprisingly far and fast they can jump. Actually, if you and I could jump as well as a grasshopper, we could leap the length of a football field! Grasshoppers are also known for their chirping, which they produce by rubbing their powerful hind legs against their wings. Those impressive legs are thus useful for a variety of purposes. To be honest, our legs are pretty boring in comparison.

Migratory Locust (Locusta migratoria)

Locusts are a type of grasshopper that can engage in an absolutely fascinating event: locust swarms. Normally, locusts live a solitary, humble life; green insects that slowly creep about, calmly feeding on grasses and generally avoiding fellow locusts. However, if locust populations start to become too crowded, especially due to high rainfall increasing the food supply, then locusts change rapidly. Their appearances change and they gain bright, colorful markings; also, their behavior switches to being highly gregarious, which means they are drawn to each other in large crowds and they start to act as a single group. They begin to reproduce rapidly and eat voraciously, and will travel over long distances, stripping the land of vegetation. These swarms are sometimes called locust plagues, because they can devastate farmer’s crops and even cause famine! There is some consolation, though … locusts are a good, protein-packed food for people to eat.

Cricket (Family Gryllidae)

The soothing, relaxing song of crickets is produced when crickets rub their textured wings together– this is called stridulation. They sing to attract mates and to mark their territories, and some crickets even have a specific tune they sing after a successful mating. These musical insects are also affected by temperatures; most crickets chirp faster as the temperature increases, and they can be so reliable that if you count the number of chirps, you can estimate the temperature. The language of crickets is actually quite complex and compelling! Crickets hear each other through ears located on their front legs, just below their 'knees.’ Cricket hearing is very sophisticated, actually, and may even rival our own hearing. The next time you hear that gentle chirping in the night, you should stop to really listen to it. Who knows what secrets they could be whispering to you!

Bell Cricket (Homoeogryllus japonicus)

Like most insects, the Bell Cricket has two pairs of wings; the hindwings are membranous and meant for flight, while the front wings are leathery and protective. Bell Crickets make a beautiful chirp by rubbing their front wings together, and many people liken the sound to the chiming of bells. These crickets can change the sound of their songs by vibrating their bodies as they chirp, making the sound of each cricket unique. These lovely musicians are popular pets, traditionally kept in bamboo cages. What’s more, there’s actually a Buddhist temple that raises thousands of Bell Crickets each year, so that people can go there to meditate to the melodious sound of Bell Cricket chirps. It sounds divine to me!

Mole Cricket (Family Gryllotalpidae)

Mole crickets are remarkable little critters, adapted perfectly to a life underground. They use their powerful shovel-like front legs to dig rapidly in the dirt, excavating tunnels in search of food such as roots, grasses and worms. The males will construct horn-shaped tunnels and then chirp inside them, so the tunnels resonate the sound of the chirping. This means while you may never have seen a mole cricket before, you’ve likely heard one without realizing! Mole crickets do occasionally leave the earth, however, and can fly or even swim, if needed. Generally they come to the surface at night, so if you’re particularly lucky, you may get to see one!

Mantis (Order Mantodea)

The mantis is a mighty ambush predator, stalking their prey before seizing them with their spiked, raptorial forelegs, using lightning-speed reflexes. They have huge compound eyes, and their heads can turn 180 degrees as they survey the world for food. They feed upon many insects, and can even take down hummingbirds and rodents! Their hunger will sometimes even extend to eating their own kind; it’s not unheard of for female mantises to consume the heads of the males after mating. This is perhaps not as terrible as it sounds; the male’s sacrifice helps provide nourishment for his future offspring. Still, I must admit, if I am to be reborn as a mantis in the next life, I’d probably prefer to be born a female mantis.

Orchid Mantis (Hymenopus coronatus)

This resplendent mantis is perfectly disguised as a white and pink flower, down to the very petal shape itself! The camouflage helps protect it from predators as well as draw in potential prey. The mantis lies in wait among the bushes and flowers for an unsuspecting butterfly or other insect to wander by, and then snatches it up. Such deadly beauty– a clever mistress of blossoms! These mantises are so skilled at disguise, they can even gradually change color to reflect their environment. To be honest, I feel a certain kinship with the orchid mantis’ camouflaging ways. Perhaps someday I will master the art of flower mimicry, just as they have!

Honey Bee (Genus Apis)

The humble honeybee, a hard-working partner of ours for thousands of years. Cave paintings up to 10,000 years old show people eating honey, and beekeeping in clay pots began around 9,000 years ago in Africa. Because of this long-term relationship, we know quite a lot about our buzzing friends. For example, bees communicate with each other through the medium of dance! When a worker bee finds a great patch of flowers and wishes to tell her sisters about it, she returns to the hive and performs a waggle dance. The dance tells the bees the direction of the flower patch and its distance from the hive. As an artist, I can empathize with the bees. Words often pale in comparison with other methods of expression. Truly, the bees are not only diligent workers but brilliant performance artists.

Wasp (Polistes rothneyi)

Wasps! One of the most misunderstood and amazing families of insects to exist! Did you know there are over 30,000 species of wasps? They come in all shapes and sizes, from the fairy wasps that are around the size of an amoeba to the massive asian giant hornets that are almost two inches long. While some are well-known for constructing papery or mud nests and living in hives, many other species are solitary and live in single, tiny burrows. As a whole, wasps tend to be predatory, preying on a wide range of insects, including many species considered harmful to crops. Wasps also dine upon nectar, however, and can be important plant pollinators. It’s difficult to try and summarize the sheer variety and glory of wasps, but know that they play vital roles in the ecosystem and are truly wondrous creatures!

Robust Cicada (Hyalessa maculaticollis)

Aaaah, the sweet, sonorous cicada. Nothing quite says “summer” like the hypnotic sound of cicadas singing. Cicadas are well-known for their loud, rhythmic songs, but how do they make these sounds? The answer is the tymbals– drum-like organs in the abdomen that males flex back and forth. The sound then reverberates throughout the cicada’s abdomen, magnifying the sound. Robust Cicadas in particular are known for their especially loud chirps. I find these musicians to be deeply inspiring, and it’s always a transcending experience to hold witness to one of their performances!

Gaint Cicada (Cryptotympana holsti)

Did you know that cicadas are seen as symbols of rebirth and immortality in Chinese lore? Just as the cicada lives underground for many, many years and then rises, reborn from the dirt, we hope to emulate such glory. Cicadas were also seen as creatures of high status, as they subsist on dew and perch upon their thrones in the treetops. Because of this symbolism, Chinese royalty has borrowed fashion ideas from the great cicada. Even their crowns were decorated with the image of a cicada, eyes shining bright! A fitting homage to this noble bug.

Brown Cicada (Graptopsaltria nigrofuscata)

While most cicadas have transparent wings, the Brown Cicada sports opaque, brown wings, so it’s pretty easy to recognize. Another recognizable trait is their cry, which is often compared to the sound of hot oil sizzling. These bugs are fond of sipping the sap of trees, including fruit trees. As a result, some people consider the Brown Cicada a pest. Hah! Imagine having the audacity to call these little marvels a pest! The cicadas are only doing what comes natural to any of us– eating to survive. I’ll gladly share the fruit trees with my insect brethren for that.

Evening Cicada (Tanna japonensis)

The males of Evening Cicadas sing a mournful song in the mornings, at dusk, or when the weather turns cool or cloudy. Among the many different cicadas, the sorrowful song of the Evening Cicada is possibly my favorite. But why do cicadas sing? Are they expressing some deep-felt sentiment? Actually, yes. They are expressing perhaps one of the most deep-felt sentiments there can be; loneliness. Evening Cicadas, as well as their cicada relatives, are calling for a mate. Males usually pack into rather large groups and call together, creating quite a large collective sound. Females can hear these calls from around a mile away! It’s a nice thought that because of their mournful cries, the Evening Cicadas are able to happily unite with each other.

Walker Cicada (Meimuna opalifera)

While some cicadas are associated with summer, the song of the Walker Cicada traditionally marks the end of summer and the start of autumn. It has a very characteristic cry, which in Japan is heard as “Tsukutsuku … boushi!” However, the song of this species actually differs depending on the region it is in. That’s right– insects have dialects! Speaking of dialects, the Walker Cicada is actually native to China, but it’s believed it hitched a ride on wooden brooms and was imported to Japan. Now it’s widespread in both countries, in addition to Korea and Taiwan. I wonder what a Walker Cicada would sound like with an Australian dialect? Or an Indian one?

Cicada Shell

This is truly a treasure– a perfectly intact cicada shell! These shells are proof of a wondrous transformation that cicadas undergo. You see, it all begins when a female deposits an egg in a little groove on a tree. The young feed on the fluids of the tree for a while before dropping to the ground and digging their way to safety. They then spend years underground, exploring the depths and dining on roots. Eventually, the young rise from the soil, finally seeing daylight once more, and climb the trunk of a tree. There, they shed their skins, emerging as glorious, winged adults! This shell represents their touching life journey. I hope that it might inspire you, as it does for me.

Darner Dragonfly (Anax parthenope)

Dragonflies are one of my favorite species! Did you know dragonflies were some of the very first winged insects to evolve and have been around for millions of years? Ancient dragonflies had wingspans of up to two feet long! The Darner Dragonfly isn’t that large, of course, but it’s still an impressive creature. They’re powerful predators, capturing their prey mid-flight, kind of making them the hawks of the insect world. Their flying skills are fantastic, and they can fly in all directions, hover, and even fly backwards, so they have unparalleled agility. Because they hunt by sight, they also have amazing eyes, among the best in the insect kingdom; they have up to 30,000 lenses in those enormous compound eyes pointing in all directions, and can detect light in color spectrums well beyond what we can see. If you want to have some fun, just sit back and watch the dragonflies hunt for a while!

Red Dragonfly (Sympetrum frequens)

Ever wonder why dragonflies are usually found near water? They love to hunt in these environments, snatching up and devouring midges, mosquitoes, moths and many others. But dragonflies are also fond of ponds and lakes because those are their breeding grounds. You see, dragonfly larvae are aquatic. The female lays her eggs on plants near the water or will skim the surface of the water with her abdomen, dropping eggs into the water. The nymphs that hatch are active, hungry hunters, devouring mosquito larvae, other aquatic insects or worms, and even tadpoles and small fish. The nymphs enjoy their aquatic lifestyle for a long time, up to five years, occasionally climbing onto a reed to shed their old skins and grow, before eventually molting one last time into a winged adult. Because of their reliance on these ecosystems, dragonflies are great indicators of the health of our wetlands!

Banded Dragonfly (Anotogaster sieboldii)

There has been a very wide range of associations with dragonflies among different cultures. European cultures have historically viewed dragonflies in a very negative light; some have called them “devil’s darning needles” and folklore casts them in villainous roles. Fortunately, other cultures view dragonflies in a very positive way. They are celebrated in some Native American crafts and may symbolize pure water or swiftness; in Japan, dragonflies are strong symbols of courage, luck and happiness, as well as signs of autumn’s arrival. Dragonflies have been used in traditional medicine as well as for food, so some cultures simply associate them with a meal. It’s actually really hard to summarize the many different ways people view dragonflies. Personally, I admire dragonflies’ incredible flying and hunting talents, their sheer beauty, and their tenacious spirits. What do dragonflies mean to you?

Damselfly(Ischnura senegalensis)

The Damselfly is a close relative to the dragonfly, but damselflies tend to be smaller, thinner, and hold their wings along their body at rest. You can also tell by looking at their eyes; damselfly eyes are always separated while most dragonfly eyes are touching. Like the dragonfly, damselflies are talented predators, nabbing flies, mosquitoes, moths and others right out of the air or plucking them off of plants. Males display elaborate courtship dances to impress females. If the male is successful, the damselflies will mate in a complex shape called a mating heart or mating wheel– which is the shape their abdomens make when they curl around each other. The female then lays eggs along the stems of underwater plants. The young that hatch live under water, breathing through feathery gills on their abdomens and feeding on aquatic insects, sometimes molting so they can grow larger. When they’re ready, they immerge from the water and cast off their old skin to immerge as graceful, lithe adults. The coloration of dragonflies and damselflies can range from just about every color of the rainbow, and they often shimmer beautifully in the sun. The next time you’re by a pond or marsh, keep an eye out for these quick, flittering gems!

Firefly (Family Lampyridae)

Fireflies are appealing little beetles with an extraordinary ability: a beautiful bioluminescence located on their backsides. The lights that fireflies produce are chemical reactions that take place inside their transparent abdomens. This light is cool to the touch and is yellow-green in color. Fireflies control their luminescence at will, and will flicker their lights in rhythmic patterns that are unique to each species. This helps males and females locate each other for mating. While many fireflies feed on pollen and nectar, some are carnivorous. Sometimes, females of these carnivorous fireflies will use light signals to their advantage, mimicking the patterns of particular firefly species simply to lure them in so they can eat them. These are femme fatale fireflies, so males need to be careful of them– the mesmerizing displays of fireflies can be a complicated language!

Pondskater (Family Gerridae)

This graceful bug skates effortlessly across the surface of the water, a magnificent feat that us silly vertebrates can only dream of. The pondskater’s body is carefully built to transfer their weight perfectly across their long, slender legs, which are lined with hairs that help repel water. The insects will row across the water with their middle legs and steer with their back legs. Their front legs are shorter and have claws, to help them seize insects that have fallen into the water. They pierce their prey with a proboscis to feed– all while staying on the surface of the water! Pondskaters do pretty much everything on top of the water, even mating. They communicate with other pondskaters by creating ripples in the water; some ripple frequencies are threatening signals while others are mating signals. They are truly masters of their craft. I’d prefer to watch the pondskaters’ dances rather than an ice skater any time!

Giant Water Bug (Family Belostomatidae)

The Giant Water Bug is indeed very large– the largest true bug, which can grow to be around four inches long! They have flattened, oval bodies, with oarlike back legs for swimming and raptorial front legs that are designed for seizing prey. They also have tubes on their abdomen that they breathe through, much like a snorkel. Water Bugs stalk and capture a wide variety of prey, including fish, frogs, and insects, and may even grab turtles and snakes! Once they capture something, they inject it with venomous saliva, then wait for their food to digest before sucking up the liquefied remains. Although these bugs are efficient and aggressive predators, they’re also caring parents; in some species, the female will lay her eggs on the back of the male, and the father will carry them about until they hatch! It’s nice to see father insects taking an active role in parenting as well.

Diving Beetle (Family Dytiscidae)

Diving Beetles are sleek, flat beetles that cruise through the water with ease, using their powerful, hairy back legs to paddle. Although they’re aquatic they still need to breathe air, and actually store air bubbles under their wing cases before diving, breathing the air through tubes in their abdomens. The Diving Beetle is an active predator, hunting a wide variety of prey including insects, tadpoles and fish. The young of Diving Beetles are also carnivorous predators, and are sometimes called Water Tigers. When the larvae are ready, they bury themselves in the mud to pupate, and immerge as adults. Adult Diving Beetles are surprisingly very capable fliers, and will take off at night in search of new watery habitats. They search for the bright reflection of moonlight bouncing off of bodies of water to help guide them. If you ever find Diving Beetles in a small pond or puddle and wonder how they got there, that’s how!

Stink Bug (Family Pentatomidae)

Aww, a Stink Bug! I love these fellahs. Stink Bugs are a great example of true bugs. Technically speaking, a lot of things we call bugs aren’t really bugs. All bugs are insects, but not all insects are bugs! So what makes a true bug? Well, true bugs like Stink Bugs have beaklike mouthparts called proboscises. They use them to pierce plants (or animals!) and suck up their food. Unlike butterfly or honeybee mouthparts, true bugs can’t roll up their proboscises. True bugs also often produce a pungent defensive spray, like Stink Bugs! People argue over what stink bug spray actually smells like– some say it’s very earthy, others call it woody or oily, and some say it’s bitter and fruity. Although it’s designed to ward off predators, I have to admit I’ve grown quite fond of the smell.

Man-Faced Stink Bug (Catacanthus incarnatus)

The markings of the Man-Faced Stink Bug are bright and colorful, and some people think these markings look like a face. With such an appealing, dramatic appearance, you’d expect these bugs to be popular pets, but actually, people have had a little difficulty raising them in captivity. The challenge is in raising the nymphs. What exactly are nymphs? Well, some insects undergo what’s called complete metamorphosis– for example, butterflies first hatch as caterpillars, then transform into pupae before immerging as adults. Other insects, such as stink bugs, undergo incomplete metamorphosis. Their young are not grubs, but instead are nymphs, which are basically miniature versions of the adults. Our hope is to eventually raise these baby Man-Faced Stink Bugs to full adulthood. If we succeed, we can share the joy of stink bugs with more people!

Ladybug (Family Coccinellidae)

These bright red little beetles actually come in a variety of colors with a variety of spots or stripes. Many cultures consider the ladybug a symbol of good luck, and if one lands upon you, good fortune is sure to find you. Part of the reason they are seen as lucky may be because of their voracious appetites for aphids. You see, aphids are tiny little bugs that love to eat people’s crops, but ladybugs eat aphids by the hundreds and help keep crops safe. Thus, some cultures consider ladybugs to be a divine gift. Next time a ladybug lands upon you, try making a wish. Whether you get the wish or not, you’ll be blessed by the presence of this charming little friend!

Tiger Beetle (Subfamily Cicindelinae)

Tiger Beetles are named because they are powerful predators of the beetle world. But it might be more accurate to call them Cheetah Beetles! The fastest Tiger Beetle can run 5 miles per hour, or 120 body lengths per second. A Cheetah, in comparison, can only run 16 body lengths per second– so when you really think about it, Tiger Beetles are the clear winners. In fact, Tiger Beetles move so fast they have to stop in the middle of running several times to reorient their vision before running again. Even when stopping in the middle of a chase, the beetles have no problem capturing their prey!

Citrus Long-Horned Beetle (Anoplophora chinensis)

The Citrus Long-Horned Beetle has a glossy black body with white spots, and has an impressively long pair of antenna. You’re likely to find it hanging out among the trees, as it’s fond of dining upon the leaves, stems and bark of a wide range of tree species, including citrus and hardwood trees. The females will drill little holes into the bark of a tree to carefully deposit her eggs, one at a time. When the eggs hatch, the larvae will dig into the tree, feeding on the nutritious inner bark. To be truthful, the Citrus Long-Horned Beetle is not very popular among a lot of people, because it’s capable of killing many healthy trees when it feeds and reproduces. Of course, there are natural enemies of these beetles that can help keep populations in check, such as parasites, ants and fungi. Nature does try to keep things in balance!

Violin Beetle (Mormolyce phyllodes)

This elegant beetle has a very narrow neck and head, a wide, flat body and marvelously curved wings, looking very much like a tiny violin. In truth, it is probably not imitating a violin but a brown leaf, which helps it blend in with its environment and avoid predators. Its flat body also helps it slip in between layers of mushrooms and tree bark, where it actively hunts for other insects, especially larvae. If startled, this beetle can release toxic fluid as a defense. This is likely to deter anything that tries to stuff it into their mouths! The Violin Beetle lives in tropical rainforests in Malaysia and other islands, and is threatened by the destruction of its habitat. We must strive to preserve our rainforests so precious creatures such as the Violin Beetle can thrive.

Jewel Beetle (Chrysochroa fulgidissima)

This dazzling little beetle is named after the splendid jewel-like shine to its exoskeleton. This coloration is known as iridescence, and the colors shift depending on how you look at them. Like little drops of sunlight, Jewel Beetles are so prized among people that their shells have been used in jewelry and other crafts. There is also an expression in Japan, tamamushi-iro, that refers to the ever-shifting colors of the Jewel Beetle, and the term can also refer to language that can be interpreted in multiple ways. Personally, I draw a great amount of artistic inspiration from the Jewel Beetle, and from my efforts to capture their ever-changing rainbows of power and vitality!

Rosalia Batesi Beetle (Rosalia batesi)

This enchanting long-horned beetle is a beautiful shade of blue, is covered in black polka dots and sports an impressive pair of antenna that can be almost twice as long as its body. Its entire body is also covered in a velvety, fine hair, including cute little tufts of hair on the antenna. The adults enjoy eating pollen, fruits and sap, while the larvae rely on dead wood for food. While Rosalia Batesi bothers some people because it may feed on crops, many people adore this beetle for its attractive appearance, and it’s commonly featured on stamps and other designs. I think if we all learn to share the land and its bounties, then we can be very happy to share the world with this sprightly spirit of the forest.

Blue Weevil Beetle (Genus Eupholus)

The Blue Weevil Beetle comes in many stunning shades of blue and green, and are so bright and beautiful that some people will use them for jewelry. But beware! These sparkling hues are actually warning signals! The Blue Weevil uses its long beak to bore into leaves, and builds up toxins in its body as it feeds. Anyone who’s hoping to chow down on these effervescent insects will end up getting poisoned. It’s far better to respect and admire the Blue Weevil than to eat it!

Dung Beetle (Familes Geotrupidae, Scarabaeidae)

Dung Beetles come from a number of insect groups, including the earth-boring dung beetles, the scarab beetles, and the small dung beetles. What they all have in common is that they feed upon dung! This is an incredibly important job, believe it or not. Without dung beetles and other feces-feeding insects, we might be buried up to our necks in animal droppings! The Dung Beetles break down these wastes and return nutrients back to the earth, recycling these materials. Many of them do this by shaping dung into a carefully compacted ball, balancing on top of it, and rolling it away to a safe place so they can feed. Dung Beetles like to roll in straight lines with their balls, and they use the sun and moon to help them navigate– and even the bright stripe of the Milky Way! It’s no wonder many cultures respect and even revere this talented beetle.

Earth-Boring Dung Beetle (Family Geotrupidae)

Like some of their scarab brethren, the Earth-Boring Dung Beetle has a glittering, jewel-like luster to its exoskeleton. This is a very special kind of color! Unlike most colors in the animal kingdom, called pigments, the shells of Earth-Boring Dung Beetles are colored by iridescence, or teeny, tiny structures that bounce light in a particular pattern. The result is stunning to gaze upon! As these beetles spend much time burrowing into the soil, spotting them is truly like finding buried treasure.

Scarab Beetle (Family Scarabaeidae)

The sacred scarab! Truly, you are fortunate to have come upon one of these little deities. You see, scarab beetles were revered by the ancient Egyptians. When the scarabs rolled balls of dung for their precious young to feast upon, the Egyptians saw them as symbolically pushing the orb of the sun across the sky. In fact, the Egyptian sun God, Ra, was believed to have taken the form of a scarab beetle, named Khepri, and pushed the sun across the sky just like a ball of dung. The Egyptians even placed amulets shaped like scarab beetles over the hearts of mummies to protect them in the afterlife. Scarabs are protectors, bringers of light and of life itself!

Drone Beetle (Pseudotorynorrhina japonica)

These handsome creatures are a type of scarab beetle, a powerful group of beetles revered by the ancient Egyptians as sacred. The antennae of scarabs are special, and can be folded out gracefully like a fan to better detect odors, or folded back up into a club shape to serve as a weapon! We can only dream of possessing appendages so adaptable and so magnificent in design!

Goliath Beetle (Genus Goliathus)

This mighty beetle is named after the legendary giant Goliath, and it’s easy to see why. This beetle can grow over four inches long, making it one of the largest beetles in the world! It also can weigh over three ounces when it’s a larva, although the adults are only around half that weight. The reason for the difference is because the larvae gorge themselves on decayed leaves, wood and proteins, preparing for their metamorphosis. As adults, they enjoy a lighter diet of tree sap, fruit juices and other sugary substances. To help with foraging, each of this beetle’s legs ends in a pair of hooked claws that are great for climbing and clinging to trees. If one of these beetles happens to attach itself to you with these feet, you’ll need to gently guide them off. If you just grab and pull, the claws might remain attached, and we don’t want their little feetsies to get hurt!

Horned Elephant (Megasoma elephas)

This hefty beast is absolutely gigantic when compared to most beetles– in fact, it’s one of the heaviest beetles in the world. Males have big horns on their heads, which they use mainly to battle with other males for mating privileges. Another feature you might have missed is that their bodies are covered in fine, delicate hairs, making the beetles appear yellow in color. Sometimes, when I’m feeling anxious, I, uh … I pet the Horned Elephant beetles. It’s very soothing. You should try it sometime!

Horned Dynastid (Allomyrina dichotoma)

These proud warriors have heads shaped like a samurai helmet, and make good use of those horns for battle and for digging. While embroiled in territory disputes, a male Dynastid can actually launch its competitor straight into the air! When they aren’t fighting, they can be found calmly hanging out on trees, sipping sap or drinking from ripe fruits. Their young live underground, eat rotting wood, and take a long time to mature– around a year. Then they immerge, as a fresh new batch of warriors of the woods!

Horned Atlas (Chalcosoma atlas)

The Atlas Beetle is named after a titan from Greek Mythology who held up the heavens on his shoulders. The comparison to a Greek God is appropriate, as the Horned Atlas can reach sizes of up to five inches long and can carry hundreds of times its own weight. That makes it one of the strongest animals on the planet, for its size! Personally, it would not surprise me if we found out that a great celestial Atlas Beetle has been holding up the skies all of this time.

Horned Hercules (Dynastes hercules)

The Hercules beetle is named in honor of the roman god Hercules, famed for his great strength and heroic feats. I can think of no greater name for this heroic beetle. The Horned Hercules can carry up to 850 times its own weight, and can grow to be 7 inches in length, making it the longest species of beetle in the whole world. A lot of that length is in its massive horn, which males use to challenge each other to win the affections of female beetles. Once they have mated, these massive beetles produce, as you could guess, massive babies. In fact, the young of Hercules beetles are probably the largest larvae in the world!

Rainbow Stag (Phalacrognathus muelleri)

Oh! My eyes have been blessed, to be allowed to gaze upon the splendor of the Rainbow Stag. This beetle appears to change color depending on the angle you view it, shifting from emerald greens to ruby reds to glittering gold, all with a luscious metallic sheen. This magnificent color fades when the beetle dies, just as a rainbow will fade in the sky. I like to think the Rainbow Stag reminds us of the ephemeral nature of beauty and life, and teaches us to value things while we can.

Golden Stag (Allotopus rosenbergi)

The Golden Stag’s exoskeleton is a breathtaking, metallic gold, making it highly prized by bug lovers and collectors. The shimmering beetles live in tropical jungles at high altitudes, using their short, sturdy mandibles to dig into wood and dine upon tree sap. Collectors have struggled to breed this stag in captivity, as it’s sensitive to temperatures and the young have strict dietary requirements. However, in recent times, there has been more success with captive breeding. Personally, I derive deep joy and satisfaction simply basking in this creature’s presence, regardless of how long it lasts. Come. Let us enjoy this golden moment together.

Cyclommatus Stag (Genus Cyclommatus)

The mandibles of this stag beetle are staggering, often as long as their body. These amazing jaws are used to mine tree sap as well as fight other stag beetles for the right to mate. In fact, males will often throw each other off of trees in their competitions! However, do not be too intimidated by the Cyclommatus Stag; it can be tender as well. They chew through decaying wood to lovingly craft a home for their young. I’ve actually been considering taking inspiration from this stag and adding more rotting wood to my bedroom. I think it would give it a cozy touch.

Miyama Stag (Lucanus maculifemoratus)

This handsome stag has a thick, bumpy exoskeleton and powerful-looking mandibles. However, despite its tough appearance, the Miyama is a gentle beast. In truth, you can easily injure one if you mishandle it, so care should be taken when interacting with this delicate soul. Miyamas are popular with children, and are widespread in their native lands, in both mountainous places as well as plains. Actually, one of my very first friends was a Miyama Stag. They helped me learn the deep and mysterious art of communication with insectkind. Thus, I will always have a soft spot for these gentle giants.

Saw Stag (Prosopocoilus inclinatus)

Saw Stags are popular pets in their homeland, and it’s easy to see why. Those handsome reddish brown shells, those magnificent saw-like mandibles, those curious little eyes, those hook-like claws! As they grow, that pair of jaws grows along with them, gaining more teeth and a larger curve. You needn’t fear, though; this beetle is unlikely to bite you unless you stick your finger directly into its mouth. In fact, when this beetle feels vibrations, it may freeze and feign death as a defense mechanism. They clearly prefer to avoid a fight unless it’s necessary. The Saw Stags that I take care of certainly will never have a reason to fight– I spoil them rotten with all the bananas and beetle jelly they could possibly want!

Giant Stag (Dorcus Hopei Binodulosus)

The Giant Stag is probably the most popular stag to keep as a pet! They’re very large, docile, easy to breed, and live quite long for a stag beetle, up to five years! People also find their mandibles to be very appealing, which have a single tooth on either side. They will rarely use these jaws to bite, unless you go out of your way to bother them. In fact, these are shy beetles, and they will spend a lot of their time just hiding away in holes inside of trees. They will peacefully sip tree saps and fruits, and prefer to be active at night. In the wild, Giant Stag populations have decreased due to over collection, although fortunately people are turning more and more to breeding in order to keep wild populations safe. This serves as an important reminder– bugs need to be treated with care and respect, even when we’re acting out of love!

*Giaraffe Stag

Walking Stick (Order Phasmatodea)

Walking Sticks are excellent examples of the art of camouflage in its purest form. Not only do they mimic twigs and branches, all the way down to the very knots in the wood, but as they walk, they mimic the sway of branches in the breeze. They have truly become one with their environment. I hope to achieve this level of focus in my own life someday, as I surround myself with all that is arthropod.

Walking Leaf (Family Phylliidae)

These incredible insects have taken camouflage to the next level. Their bodies so closely resemble leaves that they include the veins and even nibble-marks on leaves, and they can even fool leaf-eating insects! As they walk, they sway back and forth, imitating a leaf blowing in the breeze. They enjoy munching on leaves, because the Walking Leaf not only disguises itself as leaves, but eats them as well. They are truly immersed in leafhood.

Bagworm (Family Psychidae)

Bagworms are not really worms, but are the caterpillars of a special kind of moth. These charming little larvae construct themselves beautiful 'bags’ made out of silk and bits of things they find in the environment– twigs, leaves, lichens, sand, and even bits of plastic! They wear these protective bags as disguises as they crawl about and feed on leaves or lichens. When they’re ready to pupate, the bags serve as the perfect cocoon! Males will immerge from the case and spread their wings and fly away. Females, however, are a different story. Bagworm females often are wingless, and may spend the rest of their lives inside their childhood casings. Males will visit the females in their bags to breed. Imagine being so attached to your mobile home that you never leave! Considering how artistic some of these bags are, I guess I can’t blame them.

Ant (Family Formicidae)

The extraordinary ant, a species that has existed for millions of years and currently lives in all corners of the globe. These creatures form complex colonies, often made up of hundreds or thousands of individuals, and have a division of labor: worker ants, soldier ants, fertile male drones, and an egg-laying queen ant. It would be erroneous to think of ants in individual terms, as really, individual ants come together to form a super-organism, the ant colony. They always cooperate for the wellbeing of the colony as a whole. Individual ants are marvelously talented in the ways of chemical communication, and they produce all kinds of scents to help communicate with their sisters; signals to signify food, warnings signals for enemies, and so forth. This is how ants are able to act together as a group. With this kind of communal power, ants can accomplish amazing things. They’ve been known to build bridges with their own bodies for their sisters to cross; some species will create and tend to underground fungus gardens; other species will herd and tend to honeydew-producing aphids as if they were tending cattle! Ants teach is something very important– the power of cooperation.

Hermit Crab (Superfamily Paguroidea)

O-oh! It’s a Hermit Crab! These aren’t insects, but they are arthropods. What defines an arthropod is that they are invertebrates with segmented bodies and jointed limbs, as well as a chitinous exoskeleton. That means Hermit Crabs and insects are relatives! And they’re very charming relatives, too. Hermit Crabs have ten legs, inquisitive stalk eyes, and soft bodies protected by a shell. But these crabs don’t grow their own shells! Instead, they borrow empty shells they happens to find, which are often sea snail shells. As this type of crab ages and grows larger, it must find new, larger shells to borrow. Sometimes, when a Hermit Crab is looking for a new shell, and finds one that’s too large, it will sit and wait by the large shell. Other hermit crabs will pass by and join the first, waiting in an orderly line. Then, when a Hermit Crab passes by that is a perfect fit for the shell, all the crabs will quickly exchange shells in sequence! All that shell-trading may be a lot of work, but in the end, it’s worth it for such a cozy home.

Fly (Musca domestica)

Aah, the common house fly. While this species of insect is rarely adored by people, the fly still has plenty of things to admire. This little scavenger plays an important role in breaking down wastes and organic matter, returning them to the earth. But the fly feeds on liquids, so how does it eat feces, carrion and rotting fruits or vegetation? Well, it regurgitates saliva from its stomach, which helps dissolve the food, and then sucks it up! You might also have observed that flies like to wander around a piece of food quite a bit before feeding. They’re likely tasting the food with their feet! This is also why you can often see flies carefully cleaning their feet. They need to stay tidy so their taste and tactile receptors work well. True, the fly can transfer diseases to human food by landing on something contaminated and then landing on human food. Yet there’s no denying they still play an important role in waste disposal– not to mention a vital role in the food web, as they’re food for many, many animals!

Mosquito (Family Culicidae)

Little mosquito, oh how your reputation precedes you. This tiny fly is known for being a blood-sucker, but did you know only the females suck blood? The males feed upon nectar. The females seek a blood meal so they can produce eggs. Female mosquitoes are able to narrow in on a person or animal by detecting body heat and the carbon dioxide of their breath. The mosquito then lands, inserts her long proboscis, and injects saliva into her target to help with blood flow, and feeds until she’s all filled up. The itchy bite that she leaves behind is actually because of the mosquito’s saliva. Now, mosquitoes can transmit some bad diseases when they bite people, there’s no denying. But mosquitoes are also very useful to scientists, who study the germs that can live inside mosquitoes. By studying them, we can learn to better control the diseases that they can cause.

Flea (Order Siphonaptera)

Fleas are teeny, tiny parasites that hunger for a blood meal. They have smooth, flattened bodies that help them move through fur or feathers with ease, hooked claws to help them cling to their hosts, and extremely powerful hind legs for jumping. A flea’s jump is incredible, and they can propel themselves around 200 times their own body length, making them one of the best jumpers in the world. While many flea species are very picky about their hosts, some fleas are generalists and may feed upon a variety of animals. Females will lay their eggs on the skin or the bedding of their host animals, and they will produce hundreds to thousands of eggs in their lifetime. The eggs hatch into little wiggling larvae that feed upon organic matter and their parents’ feces. When they mature into adults and take a blood meal, they can mate and begin the cycle anew. I can understand why people wouldn’t be terribly fond of fleas feeding on them, but luckily for me, fleas don’t care for reptile blood.

Snail (Phylum Mollusca, Class Gastropoda)

Our slithering, slime-coated companions are not actually insects! Instead, snails are mollusks, close relatives of clams, oysters and other shellfish. They have soft, mucous-coated bodies– the underside of the snail is actually one big 'foot’ of sorts that pulses rhythmically to propel the snail forward. The slime that coats a snail helps it glide efficiently along the ground, and also stick to surfaces. Additionally, this slime helps protect snails from a number of hazards, such as harsh sunlight, sharp objects, and even bacteria! I’m actually a little jealous. Being coated in slime has an awful lot of benefits, as it turns out!

Pill Bug (Order Isopoda, family Armadillidiidae)

Oh yes, the Pill Bug is something special! They’re actually not bugs at all but land-dwelling crustaceans– related to crabs, lobsters, and shrimp. They still retain their fondness for damp environments, so you’ll often see them under rocks or in tree stumps. In these wonderfully wet and dark places, they go about their business, eating decaying plant material and playing a vital role in decomposition and returning nutrients to our great earth. If you try to pick one up, it’s likely to roll into a ball– its plated armor allows it to curl into this protective posture. Wait a little while, and the Pill Bug may stop feeling shy and uncurl again, and you might get the chance to feel its many little legs walking in a gentle rhythm. It kind of tickles!

Wharf Roach(Ligia exotica)

Wharf Roaches are not actually cockroaches– they’re not even insects, but instead are isopods, relatives of crabs and lobsters. They love to wander along rocky coastlines and harbor walls, and scavenge organic debris and algaes, acting as little beach cleaners. You might already be familiar with a close cousin of the Wharf Roach, the Pill Bug. There are some quick and easy ways to tell them apart, though. The Wharf Roach doesn’t roll into a ball, and the Wharf Roach has large, bulging eyes and lovely, long antenna. Another fun fact about Wharf Roaches is that often, the females will carry around their eggs, holding onto them with specialized egg-carrying appendages. If you have appendages custom-made for parental care, you know you’re gonna be good with children!

Centipede (Scolopendra subspinipes)

My multilegged little marcher! The name 'centipede’ means '100 legs,’ but a centipede doesn’t actually have exactly 100 legs. Instead, it has anywhere from 30 to 354 legs, with one pair of legs per body segment. But because they always have an odd number of leg pairs, they never reach 100 exactly. Centipedes also have a pair of modified legs on their heads called forcipules, which inject venom into their prey. Be careful when interacting with centipedes, though! The centipede may bite more than just prey– it can bite anyone that it feels may be threatening them. This bite isn’t usually fatal, just painful, but it does mean you should respect the centipede’s boundaries, as with any creature. While centipedes can be aggressive, they can also be very kind; a large number of centipedes are very attentive mothers, wrapping their bodies around their eggs and remaining until they hatch. That tender, maternal embrace … those baby centipedes are very lucky to grow up so loved!

Spider (Order Araneae)

The bewitching arachnid! With their eight legs and eight eyes, their fang-tipped chelicerae and their wriggling pedipalps, how could you not fall in love? Spiders can produce silk, an amazing substance that’s flexible yet strong, and very versatile– they often use it to weave wondrous webs they wander like wizards, detecting the faintest vibrations when an insect has been captured. Other spiders are ambush predators, and can chase prey down at great speeds. Whatever method a spider chooses, they are truly masters of the hunt.

Scorpion (Order Scorpiones)

Behold, the scorpion! This dapper predator is an arachnid, which means it has eight legs and two body segments. Scorpions also have pinchers for grabbing prey and tails with venomous stingers. Fear not, however! Of the 2,000 or so scorpion species, while all are venomous, only a handful of about 25 or so have venom that is any real danger to humans. Even with those species, if you treat them with care, you should be safe and sound. The truth is, scorpions simply want to go about their lives, roaming around at night and finding insects to eat. They’re excellent hunters, and also excellent eaters! They can eat a great deal in one sitting and store food, so they can survive for long periods without food if needed. Scorpions are also caring parents. The females give live birth, carefully cradle their newborns, and then carry their babies on their backs. It’s honestly adorable.

Tarantula (Family Theraphosidae)

I’m told that a lot of people fear this sublime arachnid, due to its imposing size and its many legs. But tarantulas are actually very gentle, easygoing spiders, overall. While they do have venomous bites, those bites usually aren’t any worse than a bee sting. In fact, you should be more careful about their urticating hairs– that is, itchy hairs on their abdomens that they will fling at predators that frighten them. If you don’t give the tarantula a reason to fear, though, then they will leave you alone too. Actually, quite a few people keep tarantulas as pets. They like to dine upon insects, although they’ll occasionally eat larger things, like frogs, mice and even birds. Tarantulas are very good at sneaking up on their prey because each of their legs are tipped with furry, adorable little paws, which help them climb and sense their prey. Eight little fluffy paws! That’s four times the adorableness that cats and dogs have!

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Aug 13, 2020.

#bugs #animal crossing #flick #acnh #animal crossing new horizons #insects #spiders #scorpions #the anti-blathers #long post #mycontent #video game discussions #real animals that inspire games

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jq37 · 4 years

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The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 3

Keep Sharp

On the Road Again

Welcome back to Calorum you guys. We last left off witnessing an actual miracle as a group of cheese assassins masquerading as meatlanders (and Brennan by proxy) failed to kill a single Candian, Tartguard included.

Now, everyone is picking up the pieces. Amethar is still messed up from the fight so he’s being tended to. Liam and some of the NPCs are working on clearing the tree from the road. Ruby, still covered in blood, is in one of the carriages and when she uses Prestidigitation to clear the blood from a circus flyer she was carrying, Calroy walks in and grabs her hand to stop her as a reflex. He quickly drops her hand--very bold move to grab one of the princesses like that--and tries to impress on her that the rest of the world isn’t like Candia and she really really needs to stop with the casual magic when they’re on the road. Ruby is really naively taken aback and frustrated by this information but Calroy describes it like it’s business as usual. Her aunt, Lazuli, has the title of Archmage but the official position is that the title is an archaic holdover from less enlightened times and she was simply a really good alchemist--even though everyone knows that’s untrue. That’s politics bay-bee! Lapin joins the conversation (along with Theo shortly after) and says that if people knew where he got his powers from, he’d be dead (which seems a weird thing to say with Calroy in earshot).

Outside, Liam is chopping up the tree and finds these little peppermint acorn things called Heartseeds which are basically concentrated, ambient, magical energy that can grant small wishes. Preston eats them and gains a fly speed of 40 (but it’s like he’s a firework--he has to land after 40 feet). Jet finds Liam and asks for help with keeping an eye on Ruby. She’s pretty shook after seeing her almost die. Liam is down to do it for nothing (the kid just wants to be included) but Jet insists on being in his debt and--always on brand--he just asks for some cool seeds. She also finds a meat shield that’s made out of gross, burnt, stuck-to-the-pan meat bits that she names Burnt Ends.

They get going again and in the PC wagon you have all the PCs but Jet (who is outside with the guards and Grissini) along with Cruller and his wife--Lady Donetta. She chats with Grissini for a little bit while the adults try to get her to get in the carriage. She’s finally swayed by Ruby but when she comes in she says she wasn’t (just) flirting. She was trying to get intel on how in trouble Ruby was. Liam offers that he speaks Ceresian so he can spy if they need him to and also did anyone have any dreams last night? Theo--who is trying to keep everyone alive and was like so close to being impressed by Liam--along with Lapin and Cruller try to get everyone back on track but Ruby--defiantly--is all, “They’re not gonna kill me. I’m a princess!” Theo points out that someone almost killed her literally ten minutes ago and Cruller points out that death isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to a person. She could get forcibly put in a monastery for instance. Jet is not even having that in hypothetical-land and says that as the heir princess, she would lay the smackdown on anyone who tried to do that.

It looks like things are about to dissolve into overlapping gibberish but Amethar does the dad thing of putting his foot down and yelling at everyone to get along before taking a dad nap passing out from his injuries. Lady Donetta patches him up while Cruller once again talks about the importance of politics. It’s not just them that have to play this game. The Meatlanders are polytheistic generally but all Bulbian on paper. Jet thinks this whole song and dance is ridiculous and should be changed once she has more sway in politics, but she’s willing to shut up for now. She’s also willing to keep Lapin’s secret, but him bringing it up sparks Cruller’s interest. Lapin tries to gloss over it but Liam chimes in that he’s sorry about breaking his teacup. Lapin shuts him up (Liam on a low Insight check thinks he hates him) and rolls a 14 to get Cruller off his back.

Secrets and Lies

As they cross the border into Fructerra, Sir Theo invites Ruby and Jet out for some fresh air and they invite Liam which he goes along with even though it’s clear he wanted to talk to the sisters alone. As soon as they’re out of earshot of everyone Theo turns off the scold and says that regardless of everything they’re all saying, Ruby absolutely needs to keep studying magic. He says that he was a ward of Lazuli who taught him some magic (including animating Sprinkle) and he has a whole-ass lore dump for them that he was planning on subtly revealing over time but now’s the time for getting everybody up to speed ASAP not mentoring from the shadows:

He says that Lazuli--who, like Ruby and Jet, wanted magic to be acceptable and not relegated to the shadows of one kingdom--was doing arcane research into wild stuff like immortality that would have advanced the world a lot further than its current state. She died sacrificing herself in a battle where she was the only Candian casualty. Theo was there and, before she sent him away, she said that she needed to do it to, “save [their] people and save [their] world.” He didn’t get what she meant and why that would be literally the hill she--a princess and Archmage--would choose to die on but he knows she would sometimes have visions of the future and he thinks she might have known Ruby was coming and needed to ensure that timeline happened. Ruby--who is outraged that this is the first she’s hearing of all of this and shocked that Theo is suddenly cool (“I've always been cool! All of us are cool!”) still doesn’t want to do all this “book stuff” or embrace any kind of magical destiny and even Jet is like, “Come on girl.” Anyway, Sir Theo tells them they just need to be chill and lowkey and he’ll hook them up with magical training and banned books for Jet. He also promises to teach Ruby the Find Familiar spell.

Liam helps Lady Donetta with herbal remedies for Amethar and he comes back at full health. Amethar gets to talking about Liam’s dad who he says had Liam’s knack from nature stuff and taught him (Amethar) how to fight. Calroy chimes in that his dad and Amethar fought together in the Ravening War. He also says that Liam being a hostage (he outright calls him a hostage) is what lets his dad not join the Concord (the kind of ride or die, post Ravening War pact everyone else is in) and remain an independent rebel state. Apparently, he seceded because, King Jadin (Amethar’s Dad--the past king), would not uphold Candia’s alliances. Liam’s dad (Duke Joren Jawbreaker) turned traitor to go fight with their Dairy Island allies.

It takes another couple of days to get to Comida and, on the way there, Ruby learns and casts the Find Familiar spell--netting her a butterscotch falcon that she names Yak after the noise he makes. She hopes he’ll be friends with Sprinkle because Siobhan knows that the second real objective of every D&D campaign (after making friends) is acquiring pets and having them play with each other (which is in direct opposition to the DM goal of not letting any of your players have any pets).

Cruller checks in with Theo about the secret magic lessons and also says that he’s looked into it and the imperial soldiers who saw Ruby do magic are gossiping. Grissini is shutting some of it down so it’s not spreading like wildfire but it’s really just a matter of time. Cruller tries to get more specifics about what Jet and Lapin were talking about (his Sugarplum magic) and Theo dodges the question. Cruller says that he can be more helpful if he’s in the loop but doesn’t push further.

Faces and Names

We have made it to Comida and, after a quick House Rocks family heart to heart, it’s time for a parade of a BUNCH of new characters:

Manta Ray Jack: Man at Arms of House Cheddar and one of Amethar’s Ravening War buddies. A literal 2 foot tall cube of cheese. He also has a tattoo of a Manta Ray on his arm which isn’t important to the plot but is important to me that you know.

Sir Morris Brie: Knight of House Cheddar, Master of State to the Duchess (who we’ll get to next) and another Dairy Island buddy of Amethar.

Duchess Primsy Coldbottle: A literal bottle of milk, 16-year-old regent of House Cheddar (Duchess of Lacramor specifically) and ruler of the Dairy Islands. On a nat 20, Ruby knows that Prince Tarthur Cheddar was the prince during the Ravening Wars but died. She also knows about…

Captain Annabelle Cheddar: (Captain of the Colby) who is this cool, naval, battle-ready lady that Ruby sees hanging out with a bunch of solider women fighters and having a great time while Primsy is talking to her advisors. Apparently, Anabelle should be the rightful heir to the Dairy Islands but was stripped of her title because she refused to marry (hmm) which Ruby thinks is sick as hell. She goes to chat her up and finds out that she’ll be fighting in the Melee part of the tourney.

Senator Augustus Ciabatta: A full bread person who’s a senator from the very populous Ceresia and he’s throwing coins to the people from his palanquin. (I want it on the record that I feel an episode called Bread and Circuses coming.)

Prince Cabbage: The adult son of King Cabbage. His palanquin is the second largest. The largest belongs to...

Hierophant Rex Belizabeth Brassica: She is basically the Bulb Pope. She’s like a green woman with broccoli hair. She and Lapin have met before before she became pope. They quickly talk and she invites him to tag along as they pay their respects to the Emperor. He agrees to go. She’s followed around by Archbishop Onionpatch (another Primogen from Greenhold in Vegetania).

Theo is a little nervous about Amethar cozying up to all these dairy people considering the attack but Amethar insists he can handle himself. There’s a big feast set up and Amethar goes to talk to Primsy who is just super sweet and seems to know she has a lot of responsibility that she is trying her level best to uphold. She’s like the anti Jet and Ruby and Brennan...if something happens to her...I swear...

Anyway, Theo is scanning the room for trouble and he sees (1) That Anabelle is looking at Amethar forlornly from across the room (maybe like she wishes she could be in the room where it happens so to speak?) and (2) there is a young Dairy nobleman stealth flirting with Primsy. Amethar asks Sir Brie about the attack and he says they had nothing to do with it. They don’t have the resources after the war which was fought largely in the Dairy Isles. He seems to blame Anabelle at least partially for the diminished power of House Cheddar based on the dirty look he shoots her when he mentions the state of the state. Amethar reiterates that the alliance between Candia and the Dairy Isles is solid and Manta Ray Jack pops in to casually drop that Amethar had a war girlfriend (lover? idk what the proper terminology is here) in the Far East Isles back in the day so I’m sure that’s gonna become relevant at the worst possible moment.

Brennan also curses us by unleashing Thad (Jet’s avocado pen pal boyfriend) onto the story and as soon as Jet re-meets this poncy, French-y, horny, avocado she’s like “I made a huge mistake” and later gets him to “meet her outside” so she can ditch him.

Theo goes with Liam to check up on Primsy because he’s concerned with whatever is going on with her and that cheese boy who he learns is her traveling companion--Lord Stilton Curdeau. And it’s covered by cologne but his cheese stink is familiar. He wants to alert Amethar but Amethar is currently eyeing Basha Myaso (Warlord of the Beef Clans and ruler of all of the Meatlands) who is glaring at him. On Calroy’s advice, he squares up with Basha who implies that Candia is responsible for the false flag attack. Amethar tells him to “watch [his] fucking mouth.” Diplomacy!

Meanwhile, Lapin is with the Pontifex in the Great Food Pyramid (which is, of course, a thing). She introduces him to Sir Keradin Deeproot who is this super buff super intense carrot Paladin. We learn that Lapin isn’t an archbishop and his title of primogen comes from his status as a “miracle worker”. Apparently, Miracle working is very uncommon even though the Bulbian church is so massive. When asked, Onionpatch says that things in Vegetania are fine except that King Belvedere Cabbage is infirm. Another Priogem--this one of Cersia--joins them, the Archbishop Fettucina Alfredi who is this very classically beautiful looking, toga wearing woman with glowing eyes--she’s also a miracle worker. Lapin is like, “Oh fuck,” because if she’s magic too then she might be able to tell that he’s not actually on the level.

Lapin veers away from Alfredi and chats up the Pontifex who says Brightgarden is OK but they're currently dealing with a murder of an archbishop in the Meatlands (the Archbishop Raddica). Lord Basha is looking for who did it and the Pontifex wants them brought to justice ASAP. Alfredi brings up the attack on the road and wonders about the rumors she heard about strange magic. Lapin, sweating bullets, lies and says that he thinks it was the work of the Bulb. On a 14 Deception from Lapin, Alfredi thinks lavender fog would be a weird Bulbian intercession. It sounds more like something a false good she’s heard about from Candia would do. What’s her name? The Sugarplum Fairy? Lapin, with a 25 Persuasion check, is able to wave that off as primitive backwoods things that he’s working to stamp out in Candia. That’s enough to get the Pontifex on his side and they go up to see the Emperor.

Outside of his room is his daughter--Lady Plumbeline Uvano--who is lowkey very upset about something. She greets them and then takes the Pontifex in to talk to the Emperor while Lapin waits outside with Alfredi and Kerradin. When she’s done paying the respects of the church, the whole holy crew goes back to the party. Before Lapin splits off, the Pontifex does a little pull aside with him about Candia’s role in the war and how she thinks, with him at the helm, Candia is in good hands.

At Sir Theo's suggestion, Amethar has the Candy Crew stand with the Cheese Peeps during the announcement of the tourney which is a big deal because it’s a symbol that the alliance is still on even though they were attacked by cheese bandits. Primsy introduces herself to the princesses and gives them cool, milksilk handkerchiefs she embroidered herself with a candy cane crossed with a cheese cube on a stick with their house words: There is Strength in Sweetness. She doesn’t have one for Liam but gives him hers (it has her house words: Keep Sharp) on the condition he joins the archery competition and fights for her. With not a 15 between the 6 of them (even w/ multiple help actions) none of the PCs have presents for anyone else.

The tourney is announced. There are three events, each with a dope prize. Winner of the melee gets a boon from the emperor at the end of his rule. The winner of the archery contest gets a seat on the Cornucopian Council, the title of Master of Arrows, and is made advisor to the next emperor (which seems like a LOT to put on a person whose main skill is “can shoot arrows well” but OK sure). The winner of the joust gets to name a candidate for Emperor from any class or house they wish and their choice must be considered. Ruby and Liam join the archery contest. Theo signs up for the joust. Jet is hesitant but Amethar convinces her to join the melee with him. She also scratches “The Dairy Islands Rule!” into a piece of wood for Primsy and she’s charming enough that Primsy doesn’t think it’s a slipshod afterthought.

An imperial courier shows up and tells Theo the Emperor wants to talk to Amethar. He brings all the PCs and Calroy. Lady Plumbeline is still outside her dad’s room and she’s still pissed. On a 24 Insight check, Theo can tell that--as I suspected from episode 1--she is pretty ticked that she has all this institutional knowledge and competence and experience but, because of an arbitrary rule, she can’t take the throne. She tells Amethar (who she met when she was a teen) that they need to limit how many people go in as to not overwhelm him. He takes Lapin and Theo (who gives Sprinkle to Jet) and goes in to talk to Uvano.

Uvano, as we already know, was another Ravening War buddy of Amethar’s and another person he’s seen piss and shit--which we learn because that’s apparently how Amethar classifies who his best friends are. They talk the way old buddies do and Uvano asks what he would say about his life taking a surprising turn. Amethar says that if it was anyone else asking, he probably wouldn’t be on board but for Uvano? He’ll do it. That’s just what he wanted to hear.

And that’s where we end the episode without rolling initiative because the combat in the next episode is all fun and games and to quote Lou Wilson--who I suspect is about to become the wrongest person in D20 history--“It’s all sparring. Nobody is going to get killed.”

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

You Should Know

Country Accents seen to be as follows: Dairy (Scottish), Meat (Russian), Fruit (French), Grain (Italian), Candy (American/British)

In the long awaited sequel to “Kristen Has -3 Dex,” Liam has a -2 to Charisma.

Ruby speaks Lacra (Dairy-speak).

The Meatlander gods include The Great Cow, The Great Boar, and The Great Hen.

The head beef dude has a super jacked T-Bone steak wife who I assume we’ll get a name for during the melee next episode. Update, courtesy of @fjordgofurther--we did get a name this ep. Her name is Scravoya.

The Bulbian concept of hell/the devil involves the “Hungry Ones” which just serves to underline that Brennan really did think this crazy thing all the way through and still decided to not do it but to DO it.

Everyone levels up every episode I believe since D20 uses milestone leveling for the main seasons but Ruby and Jet leveled up twice to level 3 to help catch them up a little now that they have a story reason to be stronger.

Things I’m Concerned About

Uvano is only in his 60s. Like, people die in their 60s but that detail casually mentioned in a setting like this always brings up the possibility of poison or some other kind of sabotage.

The second Brennan mentioned the daughter of Uvano in passing ep 1, I clocked it and the situation is basically what I was anticipating it seems. Like, of course she’s pissed. I would be too. I wonder if either the boon or the chance to offer up a candidate could be used to override the Concord rules? Either way, gotta keep an eye on her. Also, I noticed the little flippant remark she had for the Pontifex (“This is Fructerra, I’m dressed for court.”) and I don’t know if that’s distaste for the church or something more personal but it seemed interesting enough to mention.

I know that the improvisational nature of D&D means that there’s not foreshadowing in the same way that you have in something fully set like a book or a movie but every time the Rocks family gets together for a sweet (ha) conversation (“We just want to protect you, Pop.”) I am just more and more sure we are being set up for a fall.

Lou Wilson’s defining trait as a D&D player is doing what his character would do and letting it play out to its logical conclusion, consequences be damned--consequences be welcomed even. And Amethar is--como se dice--no Calroy when it comes to politics. I can’t imagine these facts at up to any kind of happy sum.

Also, speaking of, I wanna trust Calroy, but I can’t. He’s too good at this. He’s too competent. He knows too much information and Amethar trusts him too much. Hope he proves me wrong but I will not be made a fool of by a slice of cake. Do you hear me Brennan? I REFUSE.

I've only had Primsy for a week, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself. No but, seriously, if she is just as she appears to be (and this is GoT so I guess it’s not off the table that she’s secretly like bad and it would have taken a 30 Insight check to find out) then MAN I am so scared for her. Characters who are just trying their best to do a good job are my Kryptonite and she is as much in the wrong genre as the twins are. Moreso even.

I’m concerned Amethar has a cheesecake baby somewhere out there that’s gonna end up being a Problem. Oh my god what if one of the twins dies and their backup character is Amethar’s illegitimate kid?

The Bulbian Church has so much power but so little magic which seems...odd. Also, just curious, what is a Paladin without divine magic? Isn’t that just a fighter?

I very much vibe with the concept of Alfredi as a character but lol I was STRESSED for Lapin during that whole conversation and I feel like that’s gonna be my default state for him all season.

I’m concerned (or maybe just suspicious) that there’s more to the backstory with Theo and Lazuli than we heard. That little extra narration from Brennan about swearing he could feel her smile? Mmm, OK.

Five More Things

The character art for this season cracks me up because Brennan clearly gave the artist for this season two lists and one list was labeled “Hot” and one was labeled “Ridiculous” and that’s how we got characters like Primsy and Calroy in the same scene as Anabelle and Grissini and the funniest part is Brennan’s absolute refusal to play any of these characters like they’re any more or less ridiculous than any of the others. He’s like, “The hot pasta woman is valid and the talking cheese cube is EQUALLY VALID.”

“Not this season. Not season five.” Very bold of Brennan to be outraged about Emily trying to ride a living sprinkle dog like that's the ridiculous thing about a world with a living sprinkle dog.

The Sucorsi Road running into the Glucian Road for Sucrose and Glucose is the kind of worldbuilding detail that I love.

I was gonna be so mad at Brennan for the nonsense that is the name “Belizabeth” but he said on Adventuring Party that he was specifically dunking on GRRM with that so he gets a pass this time.

You know that famous Pixar meeting/lunch where they came up with Bugs Life, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, and Wall-E in one conversation? I bet Brennan had a similar brainstorming sesh where he came up with Garthy, Anabelle, and two other thirst traps that haven’t been introduced yet. Like come on. He described her hair as, “princely”? Brennan is trying to kill some of y’all.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #a crown of candy #a crown of candy spoilers #the royal report

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