#can i say reference?

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[moncuries]

actually can i have 5 more of these little blond bitches? 2 year redraw

#to say there is a big diff is an understatement #the old one is sooo dear to me (and beloved by a surprising amount of ppl) #anyways thank u art school thank u effort thank u pretty boy references of pinterest i have come so far #u can rlly see i used to draw wilbur soot w this smile #anyways #jason grace #pjo #percy jackson #my art #fanart #hoo

[sirenetica]

Tango (of the Tek variety)

#tangotek #tango fanart #hermitcraft tango #life series tango #hermitblr #trafficblr #hermitcraft design #ive seen everyone compliment my tango design and to that i say BWEEEEEEEEE (spins in a circle) #/pos #hes a blaze born #his blaze rods are weapons and can be pulled out of the white hot spots on his upper arms #loosely referred to as 'tattoos' for ease

[chloesimaginationthings]

Because game Vanessa looks like Samus, I just call her regular wear Zero Suit Vanny.

VANNY ZERO SUIT VANNY

#ask reply #honestly that’s so fair #I can hear the smash announcer saying this in my head #it’s just so clear #I get the Samus comparison a lot but this was funny #the only TRUE way to refer to her

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[stil-lindigo]

shallow grave.

a comic about accepting when your relationship is dead.

--

creative notes:

--

all my other comics

store

#i wrote that monologue in like three minutes #pure train of thought but i actually like how it turned out #this has been sitting at 'almost done' for weeks now #i got sidetracked <3 but im back #and i hope that anyone who can relate to sai's plight is happier now #the only reference i have for an experience like this involves longterm friendships not romantic relationships #but the breakup still hurts #one of these days ill make a happy comic #comic art #lgbtq #queer comics #hearteaters #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[its-your-mind]

god i’m such a slut for characters who think what they’ve done is unforgivable who are just gobsmacked when they open themselves up to someone who forgives them as easily as breathing

#THIS POST IS ABOUT ESSEK THELYSS CURRENTLY BUT ALSO ABOUT SO MANY OTHERS #BUT IM GONNA TAG IT AS #critical role #the mighty nein #c2e97 #FOR MY OWN PERSONAL REFERENCE #but know that I am always so fucking into genuine regret and desire for atonement being met with mercy #what can I say it’s the catholic in me

[cali]

a lolcow is obviously a bad and harmful thing but studying weird people online is a wonderful and soul enriching experience. but if u treat the fun of it as a product and engage with them to get more of this product, if youre "milking" the "lolcow", youre fucked. youre going down the path of darkness. it needs to be aetherial and loose. the better alternative is looking at lolbirds instead which is quite beautiful cuz, like birdwatching, its a process where u do not enact power and force over ur subject to make it show u what u want, you just let them naturally come by and show off their plumage (10000 near identically composed deviantart illustrations of different kids show character crying while getting knead into dough and baked[this happened in a single episode of a show the artist saw when they were 4]) and then u maybe show some of ur favorite feathers of theirs to your close group of friends and then let them pass on with the wind and u keep them as a sweet memory ❤

#im adding a tag here because some of u r misunderstanding this hardcore and arguing #I dont want you to look at people who already got lolcowed. i want you to when you see someone you think is fun and weird #just passively look at them take in their weirdness and move on. im saying do that instead of pulling lolcow shit #this post is not an invitation for u to tell me who you feel like this about #u can make vague references but do not say any names out loud or ur breaking the rules #cuz the goal here is peace

[cozylittleartblog]

400% sure he would love steven universe

#trigun #trigun 98 #doodles #art #comic #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #steven universe #anime #my first contribution is an illustration that took me like a whole week to get through #my second contribution is a silly i was up till 6 am for #as god intended o7 #hes so pathetic and sad i wanna shake him #^ every character i can say that about is my favorite character in the whole media hands down #we all cried during the bismuth episode dont say you didn't #EDIT IF YOU SEE THIS POST GO LOOK AT MY OTHER TRIGUN FANART FROM A WEEK AG O TOO PLS PLS PLS PLS P #edit 2 - EDITED WW's SKINTONE!!! the color reference i used made him look a lot paler than he's supposed to be. apologies! #i am so glad someone pointed that out before i put my trigun charms into production. i edited the charm too to be more tan #if i put whitewashed wolfwood keychains into production i would have SCREAMED

[uncanny-tranny]

The weirdest double standard is trans people can only ever "identify as" and cis people just "are," and the more time goes on and people start realizing this, I hope this will change

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #at this point somebody saying 'you identify as male' to me is an instant red flag #because 'identify as' language is a good way to say 'well you just IDENTIFY that way that doesn't mean you ARE' #do i identify as trans? sure if you want to dig and dig at me to get me to say. but i also AM male and AM so much #this goes double for when somebody just assumes they know how you want to be referred to as #i think trans liberation will start to happen when trans people can just 'be' in the same way which everybody else can #when being trans matters perhaps but it matters in the same way people wear glasses or have grey eyes or are left-handed #being trans CAN matter but people amplify somebody's transness in often insidious ways

[greenglowinspooks]

(DCXDP) The obligations of a rogue versus those of a parent (Pt. 5)

—

Tw: torture scene (GiW agent receiving), general angst, canon-typical violence (DC), nobody is having a good time

Will be crossposted to AO3 eventually

(Masterlist/subscription post)

—

It was pretty easy for Danny to forget that Dr. Crane was a rogue at times.

Most of the time he wasn’t comically evil, like what he’d expect of a Gotham rogue. He was helping Danny, even if only because he didn’t want to be taken in by the GiW as well. He was even downright nice most of the time, or at least neutral.

Sure, he had a strange obsession with fear and psychology, but that wasn’t really out of the ordinary for Danny. It didn’t feel like living with a rogue, just like…staying with a distant relative, or something.

He seemed like just an ordinary person.

Today, though, Danny was brought back to reality.

The GiW agent they’d tracked down together writhed on the ground, screaming in pain and terror. Scarecrow was sat a few feet away, setting up a syringe of the antidote he’d made.

After a few more moments, he injected the man with the antidote, watching him like a hawk the entire time.

Suddenly, the man surged forward, lunging at Scarecrow with a feral scream.

Unluckily for him, though, he was still weak from the fear toxin in his system, and from the beatings he’d received prior. Scarecrow easily wrestled him to the ground, settling himself on the broad part of the agent’s back with a vice grip on one of his arms.

“Let’s try again,” he said sharply, all of the warmth Danny had grown used to gone from his voice. “Where is the GiW base of operations?”

The agent took several shuddering breaths before spitting at Scarecrow, defiance and hatred written all over his face.

For just a moment, the room was utterly silent.

“Fine, have it your way.”

Scarecrow began to twist the man’s arm further. It wasn’t long before the agent began to squirm, then writhe, beneath him. Danny’s stomach churned.

“You know,” Scarecrow began, almost conversationally, “there are plenty of jobs that one can get without the use of their legs, especially with the level of education you have. Anything that doesn’t involve hard labor, really.”

The man’s face was beginning to turn red in his struggle not to scream. He took in gasping breaths, the way that his mouth moved almost reminding Danny of a goldfish.

(He felt awful for the comparison, but it was true.)

“However,” Scarecrow continued, “I find you’d be rather hard-pressed to find a job without the use of your arms. Especially in a place like Gotham, where you can always be replaced by someone eager to do your job for even less money. Of course, you could most likely coast off of savings and severance pay for a while, but…”

He leaned closer to the man’s head, his voice lowering.

“Would you be able to live like that? To live with yourself, if you no longer have a purpose?”

He allowed the agent a few seconds of rest before increasing the pressure on his arm. The agent gasped, letting out a strangled hiss. His arm bones were making fascinating noises in response to the strain. Danny felt sick.

“You seem like a rather driven young man. I’m sure your family would hate to see you unmotivated, directionless. Would they resent you, do you think?”

“Fuck you, you—”

The man was cut off by his own scream as Scarecrow finally allowed his arm to break, audibly splintering into thousands of useless shards of bone.

He had the exact pressure memorized. Clearly, he had done this before.

This was wrong. This was wrong.

Shouldn’t Danny step in, do something?

“That won’t heal cleanly. Even with the best medical care in the world, you’ll end up with permanent damage.”

The man below him wheezed and sobbed, choking on air as Scarecrow let go of his arm carelessly, letting it flop back onto the ground.

“Just the sort of thing something like you deserves,” Scarecrow hissed, his voice cold.

“You tortured a child, and you enjoyed it. You laughed with your friends about it. In your notes, one of your friends complained about the screaming,” Scarecrow brought his leg around, grinding his boot into the man’s broken arm. He howled in agony, writhing uncontrollably.

“Was it inconvenient to him, do you think? Too loud? If you were joking about it, clearly you thought so, too. I could fix that as well.”

He drew out another needle, this one once again filled with fear toxin.

“Scarecrow, wait,” Danny choked out.

Scarecrow turned to look at him.

Even his posture was different than usual. He looked… stiff, more like an animal than a man. When he tilted his head at Danny in a silent question, it looked like something in his neck had snapped, his head lolling to the side.

Danny wondered if he was consciously moving like that, or if it was habit at this point.

“You—we don’t have to do this. We can get information some other way, right? You don’t have to…”

Danny looked down at the GiW agent below Scarecrow. He didn’t even have it in him to glare up at Danny like he had before. Instead he laid limply on the ground, tremors rolling through his body uncontrollably.

“We’ve exhausted every other option and you know it,” Scarecrow said, his voice low, “this is the only way we can move forward.”

“Still, I—I don’t,” Danny swallowed, his throat tight, “this isn’t—this isn’t right. Isn’t there some other way to do this? Like—a truth serum, or something?”

“Truth serums are notoriously unreliable. They’re almost as bad as lie detectors. We’re much more likely to get a reliable result from this.”

Danny just stared at the GiW agent and his splintered, ruined arm. He began to weakly wriggle in Scarecrow’s grasp, which was graciously ignored.

He vaguely remembered himself doing the same thing when he was on the operating table; even if he knew there was no chance of escape, he still thrashed and screamed, desperate to get away. The jagged I-shaped incision on his torso felt uncomfortably warm.

What was there left to say?

“The Bat does the same thing at times, you know,” Scarecrow said, “him and the rest of his brood. By using my toxin, I’m actually lessening the amount of permanent damage that I’m doing. Physically.”

“Still, that doesn’t make it right,” Danny said desperately. “Even if—even if everyone in the world did this, it wouldn’t make it right.”

Scarecrow hummed.

They were both silent for a moment.

His next words were gentle, absurdly so when compared to the scene in front of him.

“I would love an alternative. But…”

He shrugged, hand coming to rest on the break in the GiW agent’s arm. Even without applying any pressure, the man stopped squirming immediately.

“There aren’t any other options,” Danny repeated, his voice flat and his body numb.

“Yes,” Scarecrow said. “I’m sorry.”

There was a pause. No one moved a muscle. Eventually Scarecrow spoke again, his voice strangely empty.

“You can stand outside and keep watch, if you’d like. At such a short distance their radars won’t pick us up.”

Danny said nothing, leaving the room silently.

He sat outside for quite a while.

He was grateful that Scarecrow had, with his help, dragged the agent to one of his previous hideouts. It was soundproofed, after all.

He was glad that he didn’t have to hear the rest of what Scarecrow did to the man.

After what felt like an eternity, Dr. Crane left the building, joining him outside. He guided Danny back to his beat up old truck and they drove home in silence.

“Did you at least…do you know where they are, now?” Danny asked as they entered the apartment, his voice small.

“They didn’t share the details of all of their locations with any one person. I know where one of their locations are, but not their main base of operations.”

Danny felt disgusted. With himself, with Dr. Crane, with the GiW.

He was disgusted by the agent, too. Did he just hate the restless dead so much that he would prefer to be tortured than to give them the upper hand? Did he really think he was in the right?

Was there a chance that he was?

Danny felt very, very small, and very stupid. Stupid and weak and cowardly.

“Danny,” Dr. Crane spoke, his voice soft.

“I’m truly sorry that this is happening to you. I really, truly wish that you didn’t have to endure my company. I…”

He fell quiet. Danny wondered if he was just saying this to pacify him, or if he truly meant it. He wondered if it really mattered in the end.

After a few moments of silence, Dr. Crane sighed, looking truly pained.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Danny was quiet.

“I’m going to bed early,” he finally said, turning away and leaving without a second glance.

—

#dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp fic #liminal scarecrow #this kinda shit is how the fic got its name btw. #like yeah obviously it’s also in reference to the contrast between crane and danny’s actual parents #but it’s also about doing what you need to survive vs what is best for the people dependent on you #tshirt that says I love moral quandaries I love when no matter what you do you lose I love torturing characters #Scarecrow: why isn’t torturing everyone who wronged you healing this child. it worked for ME #meanwhile Danny is undergoing the torment nexus #and red hood is doing some doomguy shit #getting swarmed by GiW agents bc he’s one of the only ones showing up on the radar #Tucker voice Wow Mr red hood this is kinda fucked up. can I use the bat computer to hack the pentagon btw

[redysetdare]

I think queer stories would be better if people stopped assuming that queer representation hinges on if two characters are romantically involved at all. Like the moment you accept characters as being queer without needing romance to prove said queerness then i think we'd find ourselves with a lot more unique, nuanced, and interesting queer stories. but by limiting queerness to only romance you are stifling queer stories.

#text #queer #lgbtq+ #lgbt #lgbt+ #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #you can't get mad at the idea of cookie cutter queer stories while also saying that it's 'queerbaiting' if two characters dont kiss. #this isn't just in reference to aspec identities or gender identities either #I think a character can still be valid gay representation without ever kissing someone to prove it #a bi person doesn't need to kiss both boys and girls to be valid bi rep #there are more ways to express and share queer identity that dont require a love plot to be tacked on to validate the queerness #don't relegate the queer experience to only love stories. they can be so much more than that. #romance mention

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

In the stripped club.

Straight up.

Jorking it.

and by "it", hah.

Well. let's justr say. My peanits.

Audio Source

#gabriel ultrakill #ultrakill #i trust that you all know what this is a reference to #BEFORE ANYONE ASKS......... i've already posted the full pic on here before. scroll for it. you animal. #its less cursed in color #suggestive #<- adding that just cause of the pic more than the audio #* when i say i edited the music #basically i take it out as best i can #do the effects n basic shit like cutting out silence and as many sound effects as i can #then edit it back in

[shimmershy]

Buttercups and Golden Flowers

#i drew this mostly because i noticed that a lot of people mistake buttercups and golden flowers as being the same thing. #so i wanted to try drawing them like. distinctly different in the same image. #it's not a big thing but i do think the fact that they're different has some significance. or at least like. symbolic meaning. #my art #undertale #chara #chara dreemurr #safeutdr #something about the fact that they both look similar at least in color but one of them is poisonous. #the way golden flowers are clearly a positive symbol throughout the game and clearly heavily associated with Chara. #contrasted with the very negative connotations buttercups have. with asgore getting sick and chara using them in their plan. #you never see buttercups in the game. which makes it even easier to mistake the two. because we've only seen one kind of #golden/yellow flower. who's to say 'golden flowers' aren't just referring to buttercups? well. #why would there be golden flower tea if they were poisonous? why would chara want to see the golden flowers from their village if they're #the same kind of flower? they clearly have buttercups in the underground. #it feels almost intentional the way golden flowers are so easily mistaken for buttercups. or at least that the difference is so subtle. #it goes well with the way they're associated so strongly with chara who's also a very subtle yet important part of the narrative. #from a surface-level perspective the flowers that took their life and the one's they actually like/are important to them are the same thing #but when you pay closer attention to the narrative you can see the different symbolic meanings. #well. uhh I've thought about it too much don't mind me. #see i think about it from the perspective of chara being super adamant about them being two different flowers #and frustrated when anybody gets it wrong. because clearly. CLEARLY they're not the same. #'STOP confusing buttercups and golden flowers. i literally used buttercups to kill myself do you think i would still like them after that?' #'do you think i want to be associated with them? they're not the same!!' #<number one golden flower enjoyer number one buttercup hater. #i need a badge that says 'i have strong opinions about chara dreemurr because i kin them. i apologize for the wall of text' at this rate.

[cosmicwhoreo]

Well fuck, guess I ain't getting any sleep. Take this late-night drawing among a pile I have while I cope with my insomnia! HA!

#cookie run kingdom #cookie run #crk #captain caviar cookie #black pearl cookie #Of course it's Blacaviar #was there ever any doubt? #what can I say? they make me feel better #blacaviar #captain caviar cookie x black pearl cookie #legend of the duskgloom sea #Yes this is a reference to that “Ariel needs legs” comic that lemon demon was apart of-

[pineapple-frenzy]

For your post finals art request, how about something from your Zutara scars au? Maybe Zuko gently kissing the scars on Katara's hands, with Katara looking absolutely flustered.

Thanks for your consideration and time.

I love soft scar kisses so much, I hope you don’t mind that I added a touch of angst to this

I saw something recently that was like what if Zuko thinks he’s the one that burned Katara’s hands, and I really like the idea so I wanted to incorporate it into this au. So here’s a little comic about Zuko apologizing for burning Katara’s hands (which he did not) insipired by your request :>>

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #soulmark au #my art #i like to think happens during a conversation about zuko's scar #he'd be opening up to katara about it and even telling her how it happened #he'd also talk about how he never wants to do what ozai did to him to others but he thinks he ended up doing it to katara #and that's what leads him to apologize #so when katara says it's not his fault do you think she's talking about her own scars or zuko's fukalfjlakfk #n e ways #that one drawing at the bottom is actually a redraw of one of my old art from this au #i was looking at old art from this au for reference for some of the flower placements akdjmajdkjsjd #and i thought i'd do a redraw of it cause i still like the art but i can do it so much better now djajdkskkf #but yeah thanks for making a request with this au #zk brainrot is so back #i am so back