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thegreyj · 2 years

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The Garden of Wounds

I've been sitting on this for a while, wanting to get my Rowaelin month fics done with. Updating with chapter 4 soon, no two week wait this time!

CW: mainly happy chapter, one small flashback (nothing too bad), mentions of injuries and scars, talk about mental health and trauma

The Garden of Wounds

Chapter Three: A friend in need

“Aelin.. Hmm, I like the name. Suits you,” the man, Enda, said. Aelin ate another spoonful of the food in front of her, making Enda cringe. He watched the woman eat in silence before talking. Again.

“Do you really enjoy that food enough to eat it all? I swear to the gods that no one ever orders it, let alone eats it. Maybe the pigs get it after the day, but it is not made for human consumption.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you speak a lot?” Aelin snarked before horror took over and she turned her gaze down to the food. Enda quirked a brow in amusement at the comment but quickly got confused at the reaction following the comment.

“Oh, snarky, are we?” he tried lightening the mood, but his attempt failed.

“I’m sorry,” she responded with a timid voice.

“Oh no! It wasn’t a bad thing, I found it funny. Please don’t be sad over it,” he really tried to sooth Aelin with his words, even offering a sad smile towards her.

It didn’t work, because Aelin was lost in her memories once again.

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“Are you trying to be snarky, wife? You know better than that,” her husband would say before pulling her hair hard enough to tip her head back. He would get right into her face and snarl the next words.

“You don’t want the boys to play again, do you, Celaena? I’d suggest you keep your mouth shut and maybe you get food tonight.” The cold, gray eyes always had the same look filled with rage. She never knew what she had done to deserve it all.

“I’m sorry,” she’d say even if she hadn’t done or said anything. According to him, everything she did was wrong, everything she said was wrong. She was wrong and it was his duty to make her right, no matter what it took. Later on, she wouldn’t even say those two words. In fact, she wouldn’t say anything at all. She would almost forget what her own voice sounded like.

------

“Aelin? Aelin, are you with me?” It was Enda. Not her husband. She had escaped. It took her a moment to reorient herself, but the gentle green eyes of her new acquaintance helped bring her to her senses. Shaking her head, she presumed eating her dinner, which by now had cooled down enough for it to begin tasting awful. Still, Aelin kept eating, because she had no way of knowing when she’d be eating next.

“You never answered my question. Do you truly enjoy that food this much?” Enda asked again, making Aelin look at him as she tried to swallow the spoonful of lumpy, cool grub.

“No,” she simply stated when she had managed to get the food down.

“Why do you keep eating it then?” The man in front of her seemed flabbergasted at the fact that someone would keep doing something so detestable. Aelin shrugged.

“It is the first warm meal I’ve had in forever. And I have no way of knowing when the next meal will come.”

Enda’s jaw dropped as he stared at Aelin in horror. Sure, his new friend looked like she had seen better days, was carrying some bruises and looked thin, but there was no way he would ever have guessed that she was living so badly. He made a choice then and there to do his best to help her.

“Would you- I mean could I- I mean- We have a spare room, my partner and me. I’d like to offer it to you until you get back on your feet. I don’t mean to overstep, it’s just… you seem like a kindred spirit, and I honestly want to do all I can to help you. There will be plenty of food, good company and a safe place to rest. You don’t have to decide anything right now. I just- I just want you to think about it.” Enda’s suggestion threw Aelin for a loop. Could her luck be changing? She didn’t have to think twice, she decided to place her trust to this funny stranger’s hands.

Turns out saying yes to someone offering aid is easier than it seems, but at the same time terrifying. Aelin hasn’t had anyone to lean on since she was eight years old, but Enda had decided to take her under his care and honestly, she could use a place to heal for a while. So, here she was, seated opposite Enda in a carriage going through the village, listening to him explain this and that about everything around them, about the estate they were heading to and how Aelin was going to love it all.

If Aelin was being completely truthful, hearing Enda speak about the estate scared her a little. She had thought Enda and his partner lived in a tiny cabin somewhere at the edge of the village, but her brain connecting the details made her wary. Enda was dressed in extremely fine clothing, and apparently stayed at a big estate that oversaw the village.

Aelin watched the view slowly change through the small window on the side of the carriage, admiring the beautiful green shades of the trees and the majestic looking mountains far away behind the forest. She had no idea how far Enda’s estate was from the village, which made her feel safe in an odd way. If she had no idea where she was, her husband wouldn’t be able to locate her either. She felt a smile settle on her face, and for the first time in a long while she did not want to stop smiling. She wanted to keep smiling.

Enda and his partner Elias welcomed Aelin to their home with open arms. Apparently, they didn’t have many friends despite Enda’s outgoing personality, because people frowned upon them being two males in love, so Aelin was a breath of fresh air for the couple and their staff.

It took a while, but during the weeks Aelin was staying there, she began to open up a little bit and got to know the couple who had showed her kindness when she was down. Elias loved cooking and baking, which meant nearly every morning there was some kind of fresh bread on the table, and Aelin never had to wonder where she would get her next meal; they made sure she ate enough to get her health back to normal.

Enda and Aelin routinely a path around the house daily and talked about anything and everything. He was surprised how well-read she was despite her hardships. Aelin just explained that her husband wanted to see her but not hear her, so he kept the bookshelves stocked, not knowing just how much she would absorb of the information. Elias and Aelin would spend some time in his herb garden, where he taught her how to tend to the plants and make them flourish. She loved being able to do something.

Slowly but surely her visible wounds healed, the bruises covering her face and body faded, and Aelin began to look healthier – she had gained weight in all the right places, her bones weren’t sticking out anymore. Her skin seemed to be glowing and her hair shiny. During the daytime she felt more energetic than she had in the past, making her feel this itch to do something more productive. She had never worked a day in her life, only shopping for groceries, cleaning the house and cooking for her husband; all tasks which Enda and Elias had practically forbidden Aelin from doing to keep her from being triggered.

More days were good than not, but the bad days were part of Aelin’s healing process. After the physical marks mostly faded, the constant reminders of the terror she had faced lessened. Of course, there still was quite a remarkable amount of scarring, but nothing compared to her mental trauma. Nightmares plagued her, mainly during the nights as she slept, but occasionally her brain took her back to some moments that had been burnt into her memories.

All in all, her recovery had gone quite well. Along with her physical health and slowly rising confidence came the need to thank Enda and Elias somehow, by doing something useful. She began to feel like she wanted to start living her life on her own, to find out who she was and hopefully start to heal her mind as well. The couple, however, were reluctant to let her go. They enjoyed her presence at the Whitethorn estate immensely, but knew they had to let Aelin figure out herself.

One beautiful sunny afternoon, Enda seemed to be practically shivering in excitement as he pulled Aelin up from the seat near Elias’ herb garden where she was usually reading. He pulled her along with him towards the carriage, helping her in before joining her and telling the driver to go. Apparently he wanted to show her something; he had finally come up with a way for Aelin to start doing something with her life while living on her own, yet not too far or detached from them. On the way to the mystery place, Enda explained his idea to her.

“This is a place that has been left on its own for nearly ten years. A small cottage and a garden, both of which have seen better days. The cottage belongs to my family, but no one has known what to do with it. I thought I’d show the place to you. You can then make the choice, if you’d like to live there and tend to the place, clean up and fix things a little,” he told her with a huge grin on his face. Aelin was beyond excited. She had been looking for a way to start helping Enda, to pay him back for his kindness, and this sounded perfect.

The way to the cottage was fairly long, they had to go through the village and continue for a fair bit after leaving the village behind. Enda hadn’t been joking when he said the place had seen better days. The weeds had taken over the entire yard, the garden wasn’t even visible, and the windows were broken at some parts. It was almost like a fairy cottage in the middle of a forest.

Yet it was the most beautiful thing Aelin had seen. She saw the potential of the place; she knew exactly which flowers to plant once she got the garden cleared out. With a smile she told Enda she would be glad to take over the caring of the cottage and the garden. Enda grabbed Aelin’s hand.

“I was hoping you would want to come back and stay with us for a bit longer, but I know better than that. I had the maid pack up your belongings if you’d wish to stay here already now. There should be some tools in the shed… somewhere under the plants. I am not entirely sure of the condition of the furniture either, but anything you need, let us know and we’ll get it for you. Elias even packed you a couple days’ worth of meals, assuming you would want to start right away,” Enda explained and squeezed the hand in his.

“Your assumption would be correct,” Aelin chuckled. “This is incredible. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for all you’ve done for me.”

“Now, now. If you get this place fixed up and welcoming again, that is thank you enough. Besides, you have to make it presentable so we can visit, often.”

Aelin and Enda had gone to check out the inside of the cottage and found some of the furniture in working order. Thankfully the bed was made of sturdy wood and was still standing. Some of the chairs and shelves needed to be replaced, and a lot of the linens too. Before leaving, Enda promised to have linens brought the following day, and the new pieces of furniture by the next week.

Placing her bag by the bed, she sat down and let out a long sigh. Aelin felt like she had just taken the first step of her new life. She felt like life was finally smiling at her.

#my writing #rowaelin #throne of glass fanfiction #tog fic #aelin galathynius

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kkangkkangie · 2 years

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Golden Trio Era/Orwell Chess: Hufflepuff Edition

Cedric Diggory: ESFP-A/Cancer/1988-1995/Pure-Blood

The only child raised under a single father. Fifth-Year & Sixth-Year Prefect, Hufflepuff Seeker (Second-Year to Seventh-Year), Quidditch Captain (Sixth-Year). His favorite classes were Herbology and Charms due to his natural skill in them. It wasn’t until his seventh-year that Cedric Diggory interacted with Ciel Phantomhive—it was remarked as the scariest moment of his life (other than his death).

Susan Bones: ENTJ-T/Scorpio/1991-1998/Half-Blood

Only child raised under her aunt. Seventh-Year Prefect. She was adept in History of Magic and Charms, although, her favorite was Charms. She befriended Celaena in Herbology where the pair was praised for their efficiency. It was Susan who gave Celaena the idea of the third side in the war, which led to Susan leading the Ministry Reconstruction campaign. Between her and Malfoy, Celaena admitted to being glad that she was not Voldemort.

Hannah Abbott: ENFJ-T/Pisces/1991-1998/Half-Blood

The youngest child with an older brother working at St. Mungo’s. Fifth & Sixth-Year Prefect. She had a natural affinity for magical creatures and Herbology, leading her to aid Michael Corner in Seventh-Year in his potion-making. She was also in the Great Hall during the SWW, acting as a medic.

Justin Finch-Fletchley: ESTP-A/Aries/1991-1998/Muggle-Born

An only child born to a wealthy Muggle family–he recognized the Funtom Company rather well and tried to acquaint himself with Celaena. He excelled in Muggle Studies and Ancient Runes. However, he was not there for the SWW at Hogwarts, he did manage one of Celaena’s properties where he took care several refugees and students who could not go back to Hogwarts.

Ernest Macmillian: INFJ-T/Libra/1991-1998/Pure-Blood

The middle child where his older sister (Pippa Macmillian) was a Gryffindor. Fifth & Sixth-Year Prefect. His loyalty to the group allowed him to join in the internal school relief campaign during the seventh-year where he was in charge of making sure that every other prefect checked in about their students (he did so with Daphne Greengrass).

Zacharias Smith: INTJ-T/Leo/1991-1998/Pure-Blood

An only child who was branded as an Arnold Benedict. Hufflepuff Chaser (Fourth-Year onward). At first, his cynical nature was amusing to everyone, covering the points that may not have been covered. However, when it got too precarious, he quit, abstaining from the efforts. Celaena told everyone to leave him alone, knowing that he would not turn to Voldemort’s side.

Eleanor Branstone: INFP-A/Gemini/1993-2000/Muggle-Born

The only child to receive a Hogwarts letter, she is the eldest of three siblings. Hufflepuff Beater (Second-Year) and then Hufflepuff Seeker (Third-Year onward). A constant energetic person that brings energy with her wherever she moves. Ginny actually brought her into Hogwart’s Army where Celaena aided her in Illusory Magic, making her invaluable against Umbridge. Eleanor was not present for the SWW at Hogwarts, instead stayed at a safehouse provided by the Phantomhive family.

Laura Madly: ESTJ-T/Scorpio/1993-2000/Pure-Blood

An only child brought up strictly on the rules of the Wizarding World. Fifth & Sixth-Year Prefect. Her aura was subdued and easily managed, fooling everyone. Her Occulmency matched the level of Draco Malfoy’s and Theodore Nott’s. She was the Secret Keeper for several safe house properties, and she served her job well. It was her who figured out the magical limits to Celaena’s heirship through mere observation, saving them time during the SWW at Hogwarts.

#Harry Potter #harry potter headcanon #hufflepuff headcanon #hufflepuff #orwell chess #cedric diggory #susan bones #hannah abbott #justin finch-fletchely #ernie macmillian #zacharias smith #eleanor branstone #laura madley

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scorbleeo · 7 months

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Book Chat: Tower of Dawn

Throne of Glass (Book 6) by Sarah J. Maas

Source: Google Images

Chaol Westfall has always defined himself by his unwavering loyalty, his strength, and his position as the Captain of the Guard. But all of that has changed since the glass castle shattered, since his men were slaughtered, since the King of Adarlan spared him from a killing blow, but left his body broken.

His only shot at recovery lies with the legendary healers of the Torre Cesme in Antica--the stronghold of the southern continent's mighty empire. And with war looming over Dorian and Aelin back home, their survival might lie with Chaol and Nesryn convincing its rulers to ally with them.

But what they discover in Antica will change them both--and be more vital to saving Erilea than they could have imagined.

ISBN: 9781681199221 (2018) | Source: Goodreads

Don't Skip This Book

Before I begin, Chaol ranks quite low in my list of heroes in the Throne of Glass series. For the longest time now, he annoys me. I don't actually hate him but I never understood why Maas liked him so much. You know what, I don't understand why anyone liked him as much as they did. Hated it when Celaena chose him over Dorian. Was extremely pissed off when Dorian pretty much sacrificed himself for him. And when Celaena made her return in I think Queen of Shadows(?), oh my god, Chaol's reaction to all that was so bullshit. This series went on and I found myself slowly loving all the heroes, then there's Chaol where he continued to piss me off as we went on. To say I was not looking forward to reading Tower of Dawn after seriously enjoying Empire of Storms is an understatement.

So, Tower of Dawn. I must admit, when I was into the first few chapters, I did not understand why couldn't this book be a novella as it was originally planned to be. Maas already did so much world building and reinforcing the foundations of this series, why did she suddenly in the second last book of this series, decide to bring in a whole new country, race, well...world? As I continued diving deeper into this book, I understood why this had to be a book itself. Should the world in Tower of Dawn be made aware earlier on in the series? Perhaps we could have done with more talks about Antica, the magical healers and definitely some sound on the Darghans or if not, the Rukhin???

Despite a bunch of new information being dumped onto me, Tower of Dawn was a pretty enjoyable read. The pacing was steadily fast, which I always appreciate. Though there was a whole lot of information dump, it was very easy to grasp what's new and what's going on with the new information. The newly added characters were hella easy to get acquainted with as well. You would think since we're already nearing the end of Throne of Glass, you wouldn't find a connection with a bunch with new characters but that would be inaccurate because Yrene or Sartaq? Hell, Hafiza, Hasar, Borte or even Falkan? I even found a connection with Shen and Kadja. Say what you like with Sarah J. Maas but she is extremely talented in creating some of the best side or minor characters that will leave you thinking about them despite their smaller roles.

I started this prefacing that Chaol's not a favourite but I find myself gravitating towards talking about his character development more than other characters in this book. As much as it was nice to finally understand just how broken Chaol is both mentally and physically, it does not justify him being an ass in the earlier books. However, I still very much appreciated seeing how guilty he was and how much shit he gave himself for everything that happened before. It helped me understand why he was the way he was although I will not let it slide that he annoys the hell out of me. The best thing Maas did for Chaol was make him Yrene's. Truly. And because this man literally survived two direct Valg attacks on his fragile human body, I will cut him some slack.

There. I think there is a group of readers out there that might consider skipping Tower of Dawn and heading straight to the final book. However, coming from someone who is not a Chaol fan, just read this book. It is, after all, not a novella or a companion novel. Tower of Dawn is an essential part of this series.

Rating: ★★★★☆

P.S.: This was such a small detail in Tower of Dawn but damn, I just love reading about Rowan from anyone's point of view except his freaking carranam. To everyone else, Rowan's this Fae that one should never pray on their worst enemies, like see, that Fae is one cool dude. Then in comes Aelin and he's just a simp, not that that's wrong but it's boring...

More on Sarah J. Maas's works here:

A Court of Frost and Starlight (A Court of Thorns and Roses, #3.5)

Empire of Storms (Throne of Glass, #5)

#book review #tower of dawn #throne of glass #sarah j maas #chaol westfall #yrene towers #nesryn faliq #sartaq

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deathcherries · 3 years

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Sam: *couldn't find Celaena*

*someone screams*

Sam: there she is

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elriell · 3 years

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Throne of Glass: Re-Read Brief Thoughts/Moments

“I will not be afraid. For a year, those words had meant the difference between breaking and bending; they had kept her from shattering in the darkness of the mines.”

Friendships:

Nehemia

“I’d like to see Eyllwe very much.” Nehemia’s gaze lingered on Celaena’s brow for a moment before she grinned. “Then it shall be so.”

“Cain and Verin laughed, but she and Nehemia walked away, the princess holding her hand tightly. Not from fear or anger, but just to tell her that she understood . . . that she was there. Celaena squeezed her hand back. It had been a while since someone had looked out for her, and Celaena had the feeling she could get used to it.”

“I sense much worry in you,” Nehemia said suddenly, “and I hear much that you do not say. You never voice any of your troubles, though your eyes betray them.” Was she so transparent? “We’re friends,” Nehemia said softly. “When you need me, I’ll be there.”

“No one has called me friend in a long time,” the assassin said. “I—” [...] “Thank you, Nehemia,” she said with sincerity. “You’re a true friend.”

“Nehemia squeezed her hand. “You’re my dearest friend, Celaena. It hurt me—hurt me more than I realized it would—to have things become so cold between us. To see you look at me with such distrust in your eyes. And I don’t want to ever see you look at me like that again. So I wish to give to you what I have given to few before.” Her dark eyes shone. “Names are not important. It’s what lies inside of you that matters.I know what you went through in Endovier. I know what my people endure there, day after day. But you did not let the mines harden you; you did not let it shame your soul into cruelty.”

“I name you Elentiya.” She kissed the assassin’s brow. “I give you this name to use with honor, to use when other names grow too heavy. I name you Elentiya, ‘Spirit That Could Not Be Broken.’ ”

“Our paths might be entwined, but . . . but I think you must continue to travel your own road for now. Adjust to your new position.”

Listen, I love them so much and it was so much more emotional reading this back. Their friendship was by far one of my favourites throughout the book, and I think I didn’t truly appreciate it for what it was worth the first time I read the book.

Chaol

“Friend?” he asked. She blushed. “Well, ‘scowling escort’ is a better description. Or ‘reluctant acquaintance,’ if you prefer.” To her surprise, he smiled.”

Despite myself I still adore their dynamic, I am a sucker for the reluctant friend, who starts slowly adoring the person. I felt for him and her at their own individual points. Even though tragedy awaits me ahead, despite myself I love them.

Dorian

“We all bear scars, Dorian. Mine just happen to be more visible than most. Sit there if you like, but I’m going to get dressed.”

“You deserve to be laughed at for such foolish thoughts! I spoke from my soul; you speak only from selfishness.

“You’re remarkably judgmental.”

“What’s the point in having a mind if you don’t use it to make judgments?”

“What’s the point in having a heart if you don’t use it to spare others from the harsh judgments of your mind?”

I did truly enjoy their dynamic through the book and though I didn’t ship it I certainly enjoyed their snarky banter.

Dorian x Chaol (AKA one of my favourite lowkey dynamics)

“The worst of it was that they didn’t seem to notice he was different—or that he felt different. Were it not for Chaol, he would have felt immensely lonely.”

“You look radiant,” he said. “And you look radiant as well, Chaol.” He winked at his friend. ”

I just... Yes. This is my cup of tea, flirty guys.

Nox

“Nox and Celaena remained by the table. His eyes were wide. “You were a slave in Endovier?” She couldn’t form the words to confirm it. Nox was too smart for his own good.”

I remember enjoying his part in the book and I am glad to say it remained so, I truly hope we see him again because they meshed really well together!

Fleetfoot

“It’s cruel to keep it from its mother!” The assassin reached into the shadow and scooped the puppy into her arms. She held it against her chest. “I won’t let you harm it.”

It has not truly begun yet but I know my furbaby is amazing.

Quotes I Loved:

“Oh, how wrong he was! Libraries were full of ideas—perhaps the most dangerous and powerful of all weapons”

“I hate women like that. They’re so desperate for the attention of men that they’d willingly betray and harm members of their own sex. ”

“That pretty boy? He grinned at me far too much—and you should only see how he winked at the other women in the court. I want a husband to warm my bed, and my bed alone.” [LOVE YOU NEHEMIA!!]

“And what’s wrong with headstrong girls?” she pressed.

“No. I can survive well enough on my own—if given proper reading material.”

“My name is Celaena Sardothien,” she whispered. “But it makes no difference if my name’s Celaena or Lillian or Bitch, because I’d still beat you, no matter what you call me.”

And finally....

“You could rattle the stars,” she whispered. “You could do anything, if you only dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most.”

I know you will bby, I know you will.

Urgh, wonderful. This book was like picking up an old friend, just as amazing as I remember it. At this point I doubt that there are many who haven’t read it but if you haven’t please give it a go if it sounds up your alley!

On to Crown of Midnight!

#throne of glass #tog #tog spoilers #celeana sardothien #dorian havilliard #chaol westfall #chaol x celaena #chaolaena #nehemia #celaena x nehemia #nox #tog re-read

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shadowturtlesstuff · 3 years

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Harrowing notes

little Rowaelin drabble set after koa...

She hasn't played since the day with Rowan, when they'd snuck into the theatre and she had taught him the basics. It had been something she needed that day. That she could still find beauty in the world. It was something they both needed, a small selfish day off where they got to be themselves outside or a warrior, a queen and people in charge of defeating such darkness.

Since that day she hadn't had time, so much had changed since then that as she sat beside Rowan once again in their home she tried to loosen the tension she felt. Once they had settled, Rowan had brought her the piano, held her as she fought back the tears. Yet he waited until she was ready to play again, felt his broad hand against her back, spreading warmth and reassurance that this was real, as she slowly lifted the lid. Aelin stole a glance at him, his hair longer than the first time she had met him, the silver framing his face as he watched her. His green eyes focused but still soft, loving. The keys were cold against her touch, her hovering hand as she slowly re-acquainted herself with the music now finding its way back to her. The music she had heard with Sam, had moved her to tears. She played the notes silently, dancing over them, no sound came out of the piano yet. When she ran through it once, still not having pressed down, her hand moved back down to her side and her head rested against Rowan who scooped her into a hug, kissing her temple and moving her long golden hair from her face. The strands that had fallen free from her braid and dangled in front of her as she had played.

“May I?” Rowans' voices echoed against the quiet halls, the sound filling the space as though it was upset with the silence and needed sound. She couldn't make a sound yet. Whether it was her voice or the notes, none would come from her yet. So she nodded and Rowan moved with casual ease, as though he had been the one with years of practice at the piano. His brows furrowed slightly as he thought of the notes, the order and remembered the basics of what she had taught him so long. He pressed a note, slowly, filling the air that threatened to drown her. Suffocate her. But she sucked in a breath as he carried on playing, tentatively and ready to stop at any point. Aelin cherished Rowan’s understanding and endless patience but also his ability to know when she needed a push towards something.

Aelin closed her eyes and leant against her husband as he slowly played. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't quite the same smooth notes she had hovered over but it still nearly brought her to tears. Never once had she allowed herself to imagine this peace with Rowan, so every time it happened she felt overwhelmed. They may be free of Meave and Erawan, may no longer have to hide in the persona of Celaena but she had a kingdom to run. As did her friends. It was difficult, running Terrasen, the endless meetings with people and the fact that she didn't get to see her friends or her cousin as often as she liked but it was moments like these where she was able to cherish the quite with someone she loved, especially Rowan, that reminded her every action had been worth it.

Rowan stopped playing and Aelin slowly peeled herself from his shoulder. She smiled softly at him and he stole a kiss before moving his hands from the piano. Her focus slid back to the piano, memories of Sam, of the times she snuck into the theatre to practice till her hands ached. Then to the day with Rowan, and how she now had all the time in the world to teach him till he was fluent. And maybe one day teach their children. It was that thought alone, of their child sitting on Rowan's lap, laughing and playing, seeing Rowan smiling and feeling the same calmness as she was that led her to place her hands back on the piano. To gain her nerves and press down.

She felt Rowan’s gaze on her hands so he could learn the notes. It felt odd to sit and play, to feel the notes fill her soul and not let bad memories ruin this moment. Aelin fell back onto his shoulder as she played and felt Rowan kiss the top of her head.

“Fireheat,” he murmured softly, “we have to meet with Elide and Lorcan soon. Afterwards though, teach me.” Aelin looked at his tired eyes and knew even though he wanted to see their friends he would prefer to stay at the piano and learn more of the songs that she loved. She also wanted that but felt that what she had done was enough for today. That she would teach Rowan and he would become confident but not today. She wanted the chaos of court, of seeing elide again, to distract from the harrowing notes that held memories she had no desire to remember tonight. He nodded slightly, seeing her own tired face and then pulled her into a hug, the last bit of tranquillity they would have for the night.

(tags are my cressworth so sorry if you dont want to be tagged in rowaelin)

@fangirling-again @kittycat2187 @goatahoan @the-hoofflepooff @ink-insomnia @purplecreatorhorsewagon @boredbookwormgirl @goddess-of-writing-wars @lovecakeandmore @yikesitsmaddie @loveyatopluto @bookscressworth @androgynousdeputylawyershoe @fandomtakeover @throneoftsc

#throne of glass #tog #com #hof #qos #eos #koa #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #rowaelin #aelin fireheart

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aelin-queen-of-terrasen · 3 years

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𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐭 | 𝐂𝐡𝐚��𝐭𝐞𝐫 - 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

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The day after the dinner party in the late afternoon, Celaena was whiling her time away by flipping through the pages of the latest monthly issue of the fashion magazine La Belle Assemblée when she recieved a note of invitation from Lady Towper, one of her recent acquaintances, to a walk in Hyde Park later that afternoon with her and Mrs Burnwell, another society lady Celaena had befriended. The wording made it quite clear it was more a summons than an invitation and having spent the morning by herself, Celaena was eager enough for company that she happily put down her magazine and called for her pelisse and outerwear with alacrity. Twenty minutes later she was roaming around the park when Lady Towper spotted her, gliding across the path—there really was no other way to describe her graceful movement—with an elegant swish of her skirts and a look of exaggerated distress on her countenance, followed by Mrs Burnwell who looked rather piqued. "Dear Miss Sardothein," cried the former, looping an arm around hers. "How glad I was to hear you accepted my invitation. I wanted to take a walk around the park, refresh myself and Mrs Burnwell recalled you were rather fond of exercise and suggested we take you along with us."

Celaena rather thought that on a fine weather such as this, the ladies' primary motive for a walk was perhaps to see and be seen by the upper ten-thousands of the ton, most of which had returned from their summer estates for the social season which was to start soon but said instead, "I am grateful for the invitation. Your Ladyship has quite rescued me from certain death at the hands of boredom."

The ladies tittered politely, protesting that it was no great sacrifice on their part and the trio walked along the paths making light conversation until Mrs Burnwell jerked to a halt with a pinched expression. "Mrs Whitethorn."

Though Celaena had only met the lady once, she had been left unimpressed and could not fault Mrs Burnwell for looking piqued.

Mrs Whitethorn did not improve on a second meeting - not that Celaena had had any expectations that she would - and participated as much in the conversation with as much fervor as a lifeless statue, making occasional noises of agreement and dissent. Celaena who prided herself on being able to draw someone out of their reserve met with failure at every turn and it was not long before the ladies ran out of polite remarks to exchange and their party took their leave. Celaena spotted a group of children from her neighborhood racing each other in a less scenic path around the park and soon abandoned all sorts of decorum to join in on the shouting.

"FASTER, TOM! FASTER, YES, A LITTLE FASTER!" cheered Celaena, bouncing up and down in excitement.

Her cheeks were flushed with exertion and her petticoats muddier than usual. She let out a high-pitched noise when little Thomas reached the finishing line and beamed. "I did it, I did it, I said I would, did I not? Oh, Cece, did you see me? I won!"

"You did very well, dear," said she, kissing his cheek. The smug look he sent his siblings' way had her struggling not to laugh.

"Yes, you won this time—" said his eldest brother in an arrogant tone, "—but I shall be the winner next time. Shall we play something else now?"

"Hide and seek!"

"Hopscotch."

"No! We must play cops and robbers today. You promised!"

"I want to play tag."

"We don't," said the twins simultaneously.

"Then blind man's buff?"

"I suppose we could—"

"Oh, no, I will not play that ever again."

Celaena smiled, watching the children argue over what they wished to do and looked at two children - presumably brothers - finely dressed and staring at the brood of children she was so fond of wistfully. "Here, you two, why don't you play?" asked she.

The younger boy beamed at the prospect but the elder looked uncertain.

He glanced over his shoulder anxiously biting his lip. "Oh, no, mama will be furious if we get our clothes dirty." But he looked at the noisy little children with such longing and he looked so serious in general with those deep blue eyes filled with sorrow and the brows that remained creased as if by default—more serious than a nine-year-old should be; he held himself with a ridiculous amount of poise, posture stiff and yet looked unsure of every little movement or sound he made, Celaena had a whimsical desire to have him enjoy himself.

"I shall tell you a secret," she gave him a conspiratorial wink. "It is healthy to disobey your parents once in a while."

The poor boy looked scandalized at the thought of disobeying anyone. When had he last had some fun? she wondered.

He looked at the boys again, then at his boots, properly polished and finely made, then straightened as if he had come to a decision. "I-I thank you, miss, but my brother and I shall take your leave now." The formal tone so became him, she was struck by the intelligence in his expression and the confidence of his words despite the apprehension evident in his posture. He continued in a softer tone, "Mama says it is not proper to talk to anyone without being introduced."

"Then perhaps we might perform the service ourselves since no one else can? I am Miss Celaena Sardothein of Raven Hall in Derbyshire." She curtsied formally, suppressing a smile.

"Oh." He looked down at his feet.

Celaena took pity on him and smiled. "It's alright, I shan't force you into anything. You are a good boy, dear, to obey your parents so." He looked so surprised, and blushed all kinds of red, though his chest did puff out a little. When had someone last praised him? Knowing there was no more she could do, Celaena was about to bid the child a farewell when a familiar figure rounded the corner.

"Papa!" cried the little boy, latching onto his father's leg.

Mr Whitethorn patted his head and gently freed himself to step forward. "Stephen, what have I told you about talking to—Miss Sardothein!" He jerked to a stop, then recalling himself, bowed to her. "I cannot say how surprised I am to see you."

"Are you really, sir?" asked she. "You know me to be unconventional. This is exactly the kind of place you should expect to find me in." She nodded towards the elder boy who looked vastly relieved to have someone else do the talking on his behalf and the younger who clung to his father for attention, bouncing on his toes. "These fine young gentlemen are your sons?"

He confirmed that they were.

"Perhaps you and your sons could join us for a while?" Both boys looked excited for such a prospect though one was more successful at hiding it than the other.

"Please papa?" asked the five-year-old.

Mr Whitethorn rolled his eyes fondly. "After recieving that look, I should not dare refuse."

The child hugged his father tightly, then ran towards the group of boys. They accepted him immediately, having settled on the blind man's bluff finally and noisily took up positions, directing and misdirecting the child with the blindfold.

His elder brother looked lost standing by the side. He looked down at his hands. "...And he has run off already."

"Why don't you join him?" she nudged gently. I know they will be happy to include you."

Stephen swallowed, looking at his father who had a neutral face on and turned to her. "I thank you, but no—" then at her stern look, he admitted, "I, I won't know what to say to them."

"Just say you want to play."

"But surely, I don't, oh, I am fine here."

Celaena signalled for him to offer her an arm and escort her there. When he refused, she said, "You know it is not gentlemanly to refuse to escort a lady somewhere, do you not?"

Stephen huffed but gave in.

Shs clapped to get everyone's attention. "This is Master Stephen Whitethorn and that—" she nodded towards the younger, "—is his younger brother, Master..."

"Charles," the boy happily supplied.

"Right. Master Charles Whitethorn." The boy grinned toothily. "Be nice to them."

Stephen blushed at the attention, standing stiffly as one by one the boys spoke their names. He half expected them to call him names like wuss or a dreadful bore like his cousins and friends always did but no one did. In fact, as long as he played well, no one cared how loud he shrieked or how often he stumbled on the tree roots or how dirty he had gotten. As every minute passed, he relaxed some more until he was laughing and jumping along with the others with no care for his clothes or boots which were already ruined. Mama would have his head if she found out, yes, and she would scold him until his ears bled but was not all this fun worth it? How often did he have such a chance? He looked back at the spot where his father stood beside the woman—Miss Sardothein—and noticed she was watching him. He rolled his eyes when she mouthed 'you are welcome' but could not help the smile that followed after.

"Poor boy," Celaena sighed to herself. "He is too shy, and he feels inferior to his brother."

Mr Whitethorn said, "He is wise beyond his years. I do not know what to do with him sometimes." He looked down at his feet, a gesture she recognised as evident in his eldest son. "You sound like one talking with experience but I cannot imagine you being shy at all." The concern expressed on his face touched her deeply and she had the strangest urge to smooth the wrinkles away from his forehead.

"I should imagine not." She chuckled. "Eleanor, my adoptive sister is very shy—not like your son, mind—but I have seen firsthand her longing to join in on the fun and her hesitance to act on it."

They watched the children play and he chuckled. "Their mother will have a fit if she finds them so muddied."

"Their mother," said Celaena, barely restraining herself from snorting. "I do not think your wife likes me, sir."

"I think that is a point in your favor, Miss Sardothein," he replied dryly, though his lips twitched. Had she paid more attention to her dance partners the evening of the Thorpe's ball or less occupied with Lord Fenrys' veiled hints, trying to figure out the meaning behind his pointed commentary and the suspicious dinner invitation she had accepted out of curiosity, she would not have been surprised by how handsome he looked. But indeed, occupied as she had been on the previous occassions, it was not until he smiled a little that she was taken completely by how well the expression of fondness became him, how his features so perfectly formed, looked more beautiful and pleasing than ever. She gasped at how beautifully his green eyes sparkled when he stood just so, with the sunlight shining in them and how gracefully he carried himself with a hint of pride that was not unbecoming on his noble mein. If at that moment he had told her he was a prince from the fairytales, she would have easily believed him.

"Are you well, Miss Sardothein?"

Celaena flushed bright red with mortification. "Oh, yes," she breathed out. She spent the better part of their afternoon walk attempting to squash the flutter in stomach by conjuring a confused, miserable Mrs Whitethorn waiting for her husband to return home. The trick did not work as well as she had hoped and when the sun started its descent, she was grateful to be able to part with some measure of equinanimity.

"You met who at a dinner party?" asked Lord Rhoe incredulously for the fifth time.

"Aelin." Seated across from his father in his private study and being the current object of the Earl's ire, James felt like the nine-year-old recieving a lecture from his father over one mischief or another when Rhoe could be bothered enough to care about something more than his next meal or the port supply. He had retreated into his own world soon after they lost his little sister and neither brother was inclined to give him more courtesy or respect than what was his due as a father. James felt he would have been perfectly justified in not informing his father of this discovery but he felt an uncharacteristic anxiety about her visit and was not inclined to risk her running into his ignorant father who would easily recognise her from afar. "Aelin was at the Thorpe's ball, the one my cousin and I attended recently, though we were not introduced. Fenrys ran into her at a nearby bookstore the other day and recognised her. Though I was initially sceptical and asked my solicitor to launch several inquiries into the girl in question and her family, Fenrys convinced me to meet her once and I—" there were hardly enough words to explain himself on this and James fell silent.

Lord Rhoe looked his disbelief.

"I know you do not wish for false hopes, sir, but I would not have come if I was not sure."

"I grieve her still," said Rhoe at last in a tone of gruff affection, "—and I know how it feels to latch onto hope but it is insanity to claim this-this madness—"

"It is not madness."

"You are letting your sentiments rule over reason. Aelin is dead, boy," said he, "and you had better drop this."

James was in no mood to drop it but Rhoe was overcome by a fit of coughs and slumped into his armchair. James rushed to his father, not sure what he would do but there was something so wrong about seeing his ever stoic, ever impassive father reduced to a fit of helplessness - no matter how small - like a common fragile old man that disturbed him greatly. James rubbed his father's back and called for a maid.

Rhoe tried to speak but a hoarse whisper was all that came out.

A maid stood at the doorway while the other rushed inside, fetching a glass of water from the pitcher. Rhoe drank it slowly, allowing the coughs to slowly fade.

"Aelin died," he choked out.

"You don't know that," reminded James gently. He was hesitant to press more but James wanted to clear this first hurdle before she arrived.

"I saw—I saw her body." Rhoe closed his eyes shut as if he was trying to block out a vision. "There was a body. Her body."

"Aelin disappeared," corrected James. "You found a body and identified it as hers but what if-what if it wasn't?"

"The magistrate found her anklet near the body. It was her. I saw the anklet."

James snapped his mouth shut. He had been nine when his sister disappeared and what little he knew about it was pieced together from eavesdropped bits of conversations and accidental slips from his uncle and aunt between the years. The Earl of Narrowcreek all but banned talk about Aelin in his home and neither son mentioned her for fear of his temper until memories of childhood acquired a dreamlike quality in his mind.

"The other anklet?"

"They never found it," said Rhoe.

James tried to consider his words carefully but . "I am aware my story sound like wishful thinking but I have—sir, I would not have believed my cousin if I had not seen her. She looks like my sister but more than that, she is-she is what I always thought Aelin would grow up to be: witty, charming and-and so wickedly clever." His words were more passionate than rationally thought out now but his father looked unaffected. James blew out a breath. "I invited her here for dinner, father. I wish to make Miss Sardothein aware of my-my suspicions. Despite what you say, something tells me I am right. I know I am. If you change your mind by dinner, you are welcome to join us tonight."

He thought his words might cause his father to at least promise to come; instead Rhoe latched onto another part of his sentence. "Miss Celaena Sardothein?!"

"The very one."

"You cannot mean to invite a tradesman's daughter into my house!"

"She is your daughter, sir!" said James sharply, feeling himself losing his control. "I mean to tell her of her identity today and you will not dissuade me from it." So saying, he quit the study door and left, suddenly quite anxious for the upcoming visit.

Celaena felt strangely off-kilter looking at a house that was as familiar as it was strange as she was handed down the carriage by a footman. Her nerves hightened for some unfathomable reason and in an attempt to distract herself by looking around the foyer of the Galathynius Townhouse, which was very grand. In the pride of the place stood an elegant water fountain, around which she could imagine a noisy brood of children splashing in and out. The elegant structure captured her interest until she stepped inside, feeling a vague sense of deja vu though she could swear she had never seen such a fine house before in her life—surely she would remember it if she had? It was not a forgettable sight—she pushed her unease aside, squared her shoulders and allowed the butler to divest her of her cloak and gloves while a maid waited to escort her to drawing room. The old servant started at the sight of her before he hid his surprise with an impassive expression like a well-trained servant, efficiently performing his duties, though she did not miss the way his eyes flicked back to her face repeatedly. Having never been invited to a private dinner before, Celaena had no expectations from the evening but was nevertheless surprised to be ushered into a private study instead of the drawing room.

A man sat in his armchair in a posture more befitting a young gentleman than an old, wealthy peer, though the grey hair at the edges of his temples belied his age.

"Miss Sardothein," said he.

Lord Rhoe noticed her surprise at being addressed by her name and smiled strangely. "Your reputation precedes you, dear. You have the whole town in a tizzy and you have in twenty four hours coerced my son into issuing a dinner invitation that is quite improper; an unmarried lady dining with two bachelors? Huge scandals have been created on far less."

"Then I wonder at your son's reasoning, for he issued the invitation. I only accepted it."

The Earl shook his head. "I know his reasons but I wonder at yours."

"I was curious."

He raised an eyebrow but she did not offer more explanation than that. "By accepting his invitation, you are putting your reputation in jeopardy, and with it, my son's."

She dimpled. "I might argue he did that himself when he issued it."

"I told you—"

"No, I told you," said she, rising from her seat, "—I am here on invitation. If you wish me gone from your home, ask and I will. But I will not accept an interrogation."

"I demand respect, Miss Sardothein."

"I shall never give it for that reason alone. I could not respect you if I wanted, sir," said she defiantly, rising from her seat, "for you were decided against me before I even entered your house—you who valued the gossip's opinions, or was your prejudice because of the grave sin I committed in being raised by a tradesman?" Her eyes flashed with ire and her breaths came faster. The Earl noticed none of it, struck as he was by the image of another adolescent ages ago shouting at his own father in the very same place. Miss Sardothein was a little older, perhaps and her features were not as delicate and soft but there was no mistaking her. He had crossed swords with his wife's younger sister to recognise her ashryver eyes and the colouring—

"Evalin," he whispered.

Bloody Hell.

Celaena's eyebrows creased when the older man looked at her in shock, then collapsed into the armchair he had been occupying.

"Uncle Rhoe? I heard raised voices—good gods, Aelin! Whatever happened here?"

If either of them noticed what name Lord Fenrys had unintentionally called her and to which she had answered, neither gave any indication. "He was telling me I should not have come and I was-I was defending myself but then he was, he was shocked at something and he said a name—Evelyn or something similar. Then he just collapsed into the chair." Lord Fenrys quickly and efficiently took charge of the situation, pouring her some wine for some semblance of calm, sending for his cousin and a footman to escort His Lordship back to his chambers. Lord Fenrys and his cousin had apparently been waiting for her in the drawing room downstairs and were not aware of her arrival. He had come to fetch a book from the adjoining library to pass his time when he heard raised voices. This assured her to some degree that she was not unwanted in the house, however as it belonged to the master whom she had quite shocked into fainting with her poor manners, she was not sure how much longer she would be welcome and expressed her desire to leave.

Lord Fenrys said immediately, "Leave? Goodness—no, my cousin will be quite cross with me if I let you leave before he comes. Do feel free to look around."

She did look around, taking in the elegant but never ostentatious furniture and the wall patterns which, though pretty, looked rather outdated. The study was well-lit with wax candles but looked cozier than she would expect an Earl's private sanctuary to look like. Her attention was caught soon by a bookcase by the farthest wall—presumably his favourites—and was surprised she shared similar tastes in reading with a man who had in a few minutes embodied all the worst qualities of the aristocracy. She moved past that wall only to come face-to-face with an unexpected portrait. It's objects—a husband, wife and their three children—sat in a formal pose but the picture radiated contentment, happiness and affection. It was perhaps something in the way the refined, elegant woman stared adoringly up at her husband or the look of affection he in turn bestowed on his two sons and a daughter who looked by turns bemused, bored and awfully wicked.

Her stomach twisted uneasily looking at the eldest son. "That. Who is that?"

"Edward," answered he. "Viscount Layton is not much fond of society. By the way his expression darkened, she surmised there must be some rift in the family—

Edward.

Edward Galathynius.

Celaena felt her own disquiet increase. Where had she heard the name before?

She glanced quickly at her host's cousin who was rifling through the drawers and examined the painting more closely. The children and the woman looked a great deal similar in colouring and in their eyes which were turquoise—

Turquoise eyes ringed with gold.

"Miss Sardothein?" Fenrys asked.

"Yes, yes, forgive me, Lord Fenrys. I feel a little, a little warm. He, your cousin—cousins, that is," she corrected herself, "they have—their eyes are a very unusual colour," she lamely finished.

"The ashryver eyes, yes." His tone was flippant, as though he had not seen her eyes. "As rare as they are beautiful, won't you say?"

Her stomach plummeted. She wanted to go somewhere—anywhere else.

Celaena tried to leave the room, her skin feeling too hot. Her knees buckled.

"Aelin!" Mr Galathynius stood in the doorway with his eyes wide.

Aelin.

She tried to ignore the implications of all that being called that name entailed.

Mr Galathynius gently led her to a seat away from the fireplace. Her head spun and her palms felt sweaty. "Home," she croaked out, unable to make out her own words. "I want home." Her skin flushed even more, her palms grew sweaty and her clothes felt coarse against her body.

Ashryver eyes.

The fairest eyes, from legends old

Of brightest blue, ringed with gold

She shut her eyes closed, willing her hands to stop shaking. It didn't work. How did she know that? She couldn't have known that. She had never met these people before, had never seen this place.

She had not.

She could not have.

Aelin was my favourite cousin—you, uh, you remind me of her.

Aelin.

But how could it be?

Aelin died in a fire thirteen years ago, Fenrys had told her. When she was but five.

Arobynn brought her home and introduced her as an orphan the same year, the year she had turned six. Arobynn had found her as an orphan roaming the streets of London when she was five.

The dates matched.

The fire. A warehouse. Two men. A pistol. She tried to remember but came up short.

"Aelin," a voice gently called out.

"You are wrong," she insisted vehemently, "I am not, I am not your sister!" Her voice turned screeching. "I was—my family gave me up, they didn't want me. Arobynn saved me. He told me they didn't want me, he told me so himself."

Arobynn lies to everyone.

But he had never lied to her. To her, he had been honest as he should.

He would not.

"Shh, It's alright, Aelin." James scooted closer and talked in a gentle tone, wishing his elder brother was present to comfort her. Edward would have known how to calm her.

Edward always had.

"Don't call me that." She shook her head tearfully. "I am not Aelin. I am not."

James placed an arm on her shoulder cautiously. The gentle touch, the compassionate voice and the genuine concern almost undid her. "Aelin," said her brother—her brother, she thought with amazement that the words did not sound as strange as they should have—"I am sorry you found out this way. Indeed, there are a great many things we are not sure of but—but my father's reaction and your own confirms what I suspected."

"You told me she died." The words came out almost as an accusation.

"It is all speculation on my part, mind, but we were informed my sister died in a fire in a nearby warehouse. The owner was a rather genial fellow and my sister—you—were friends with the man's clerk. You were playing with Edward that day—that is our elder brother—and you broke your ankle. He went to fetch help from the manor house but by the time father was able to come, you were not there. The search parties could find no signs of you until the magistrate informed her of two bodies found in a nearby warehouse. The first a child, had near her an anklet we knew you wore that day and father thought—we all thought it was you. I do not know where you did go and how the anklet appeared there but—"

She frowned. "You think Arobynn abducted me for some nefarious purposes."

"Indeed not—"

"You do," she accused, looking away from the hurt in his ashryver eyes. "You think—you think he did that. But he did not. He would not do that to me."

"Aelin, I never—"

"He wouldn't!" Celaena sobbed hysterically. "And even if you do not, everyone else will. No one will believe this—this story of ours—your father, oh god, he doubted it! He thought me a fortune hunter and—and everyone will—"

"Father did not wish to hope only to be met with disappointment, dearest."

"I all but told my father to go to the devil," she said between sobs.

"And it is a darned good thing you did," said Lord Fenrys in a flippant tone. "Someone needed to take that old man down a few notches. Besides, I suspect when he wakes up, he will have his fair share of apologising to do."

Mr Galathynius hesitantly placed an arm around his sister's shoulder as though he expected her to pull away and run. But she was too exhausted to protest and too grateful to have something solid to hold onto while the earth shifted beneath her feet. Aelin buried her face in his chest, clutching at the lapels of his coat and James felt a tender affection towards this creature who was clever and witty in ballrooms, whose ire faded as easily as it was stoked and who went from one emotion to another to another in a few moments. If in that moment someone had told him he needed to fell a dragon in order to protect her, he would have happily taken the beast on with his sword. James had been too young to do anything but squabble with his little sister but he felt all the protective instincts of an elder brother now and the first stirrings of hope that his family might not be doomed to unhappiness forever after all.

Aelin pulled back and sniffed. "I am sorry, Mr Galathynius, I suppose—"

"It would please me greatly if you would call me by my first name, dearest." James wished again he had his brother with him. "I do not think father will be angry and even if he is, I hope you will not mind him too much. I sent an express to Edward the moment we returned from the dinner party. He will be here soon and he will be ecstatic. I know I am."

"I don't remember anything."

He shrugged helplessly. "It is to be expected, Aelin. You were only five."

"But Arobynn told me I was given away by my family to, to an orphanage. He found me on the streets."

Mr Galathy—James looked at her seriously, clutching her hands in his. "I don't know if he lied or not, Aelin, but know this: your family did not give you away—indeed, we have been miserable since you left us." He bit his lip, swallowed and asked, "Do you remember even a little bit of that day? You and Edward were playing outside, you broke your ankle and he came back to the house to fetch help. He was—"

"He told me to stay there," she whispered, tears rolling down her face. "I didn't."

"You were but five," said Fenrys in an attempt to soothe. "You could hardly be expected to listen to anyone." The siblings started in surprise, having forgotten his presence.

"Do you remember what happened after our brother left?" James prodded gently.

Celaena shook her head, eyes shut. She tried to remember the day on the field near the estate. A mud puddle. A fallen ribbon. Her anklet's weak clasp. Why are you alone here? A voice.

It was a man's voice.

He had promised to take her back. I will carry you home, come with me. Into the carriage, there. She had climbed into the carriage. Perhaps she knew the man? Surely she would not have climbed into a stranger's carriage?

You were but five.

She tried hard to concentrate but could not remember anything beyond that and she told her brother so.

"You need not force yourself to, but if you do remember anything more—"

"I will tell you," she agreed. "I always wanted an elder brother, you know?"

James Galathynius was an affectionate man and he itched to embrace his sister tightly, but restrained in fear of overdoing things. The last shreds of his reserve melted with her words and he pulled her close. His little sister. He wondered if there were sweeter words in the world. "I missed you so," he answered tearfully, "So did we all. Edward refused to look at pianofortes for months, they reminded him of you, he hardly ever comes to town and father so retreated into his study and there I was—Oh, Aelin, please don't leave again."

"I shan't," she promised.

"A gentleman's word?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I am a lady."

"It's the only kind of promise you didn't break when we were children. A gentleman's word?" She heard her own voice ask the question long ago. A vague memory.

Celaena smiled. "A gentleman's word."

Fenrys broke the moment, his eyes glimmering suspiciously. He sniffed. "Stop monopolizing her, cousin."

Celaena hesitantly rose from her seat, pressing a kiss against her cousin's cheek. "I know it's all a muddle still but thank you for finding me, Lord Fenrys." She smiled sweetly at him. "You told me Aelin was—that I was—your favourite cousin, did you not, Lord Fenrys?"

"You were—you are." He grinned. "Do stop with the lord business though—I am already determined we shall be the dearest of friends. We have always been alike in our dispositions."

"What he means," James grinned back, "is the both of you have always been utter rascals, making all our lives difficult."

"I don't know what you are talking about," huffed she with feigned indignation in her voice. "I am positively an angel."

"Oh, hardly!" Fenrys shook his head. "I never saw a more mischevious child. Aunt Meave swore you were the devil's spawn."

"Oh no," she said.

"Oh, yes." James grinned at a fond memory. "And I cannot blame her. You once sneaked a frog to her dinner table. It ended up in her plate somehow; it was horrific."

"Indeed, you scarred the poor woman," Fenrys quipped. "She specifically invites only adults ever since. James told us later how you twitched and groaned, shifting in your seat, trying to hide it in the folds of your dress."

Celaena narrowed her eyes. "If you knew, why did you not help?"

"I did not want to incur her wrath," he said. "Our father or brother would have protected you from her. I was on my own."

The remark brought her back to reality. "Father—Lord Rhoe—my goodness, I implied he was proud and arrogant and—and he fainted!" James hurried to assure her that he fainted occassionally and a physician had been sent for in any case and she should not worry overmuch about that but she could not help herself. However, not wanting to worry him more—the poor man was acting so casually as if expecting another fit of hysterics—she changed the subject to one she was curious about. "And Edward—you said he has been informed."

"If I know him at all, he will come running." Then, with due caution, "I know you don't remember a thing but Edward and you were particularly close—you filled buckets worth of tears when he left for Eton, you know? And when he came to visit for the summer or holidays and you were obliged to return to the nursery in the evenings, you threw such a royal fit until father allowed you to spend the nights in his room." By the tone with which he said it, Celaena rather thought it cost him something to admit this to her and she thought she heard a touch of envy in those words.

"It was perhaps not proper," agreed Fenrys, "but you would not eat or drink and he was forced to acquiese."

Celaena laughed. "That does sound like me." Then, sobering, "I should not—it's too late, I think I should return home."

"Home?"

Celaena amended with a smile, "Well, not my home, then. But I could not move here today, not with Lord Rhoe so—"

"Father will not object," said he, with conviction. "This is your home as much as it is mine or his. I am sure Edward will be furious with me if I let you leave." Then, noticing her reluctance, he gently smiled. "I understand you will need to get used to reality and I really would like it if you stayed but if you cannot—"

"Oh, no," said she, interrupting him. "I will—I will stay if you send a note to the Rhunns informing them where I am and if my maid and a few of my clothes can be brought—Elide, my maid, she will know what to bring—then I shall stay."

This was agreed to with alacrity and orders sent to prepare one of the finest guest rooms for temporary occupation. James noticed her pale countenance and offered to send a dinner tray to her rooms in a half hour if she would like to retire early. After they were informed that Lord Rhoe had been given laudanum to calm himself and would see them in the morning, there was nothing left for her to do and she accepted her brother's offer happily. Celaena thought she would not be able to sleep for hours, ruminating on the eventful day but the overwhelming emotions of the overdeal caught up with her and she was asleep before dinner arrived.

tags:

@thesirenwashere // @courtofjurdan //@little-crow-corvere // @the-dark-swan // @queenofgreenbriar // @clockworkgraystairs // @julemmaes // @rowaelinforeverworld // @mymultiversee // @queen-of-glass @strangely-constructed-soul // @mijaldraws // @http-itsrebecca // @aesthetics-11 // @lord-douglas-the-third // @flowersinvegas // @towhateverend17 // @aelinchocolatelover // @justabunchoffandoms // @cool-ish-nerd // @faerie-queen-fireheart // @sad-book-whore // @didsomeonesayviolin // @atozfantazyxx // @hizqueen4life // @the-gods-killer // @booknerdproblems // @annejulianneh111 // @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln // @b00kworm // @mysweetvillain // @curlyredqueen06 // @moondancer-204 // @thesurielships // @witchling-leonor // @ladywitchling // @amren-courtofdreams // @ifinallygavein // @jlinez // @faequeenaelin // @df3ndyr // @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato // @bitchy-knees // @superspiritfestival // @xx-fiona-xx // @stardelia // @maastrash // @miihlovesnoone // @totenhamboys20 // @sanakapoor // @louisleblancdiggory

#throne of glass #rowan x aelin #rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #sarah j maas #aelin ashryver #rowaelin fanfiction #throne of glass fanfiction #valiant #aelin-queen-of-terrasen

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knittingdreams · 3 years

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Fireheart - Chapter 25

Sorry it took me so long to upload! I might have kind of forgotten my password and not logged in for weeks, oops! But I’m back! :D

Materlist / Ao3

Tiny tag list: @tillyrubes10 :) [Drop a comment if you want to be added]

I don't think any TW apply for this one, no more than my usual foul language that you should know by now!

New characters showing up!! This one was an exciting one to write! :D

CHAPTER 25

Hacking triplets

“Sam, did you find what I asked for?”

“Well, hello, how are you doing? I’m fine, thanks for asking,” Sam’s witty reply came from the other side of the line.

“Cortland, come on, I have no time for your games, did you find me someone or not?”

Celaena typed on her laptop furiously while she listened to Sam on the cell, still trying to enter Dorian’s computer even if she knew all her attempts were futile.

“I did. I found a team. It’s all pretty secretive, I’m sending you a link, and you’ll just have to follow the instructions.”

“Thanks.”

Celaena hung up the phone and threw it onto the bed while she opened up her conversation with Sam on the computer screen. Right after returning from the masquerade with Dorian last weekend, she had tried to access his father’s computer to download the guest list, but to her surprise, she was out of the system.

She had gone into that computer so many times, that when she found herself out, she was confused at first. That confusion quickly turned into anger. Celaena attempted every trick she knew, and still, every time she tried to access the computer on the top floor, she was kicked out. It was as if someone was actively getting her out of it every single time. No matter how much Celaena knew about computers, she was no expert. She knew enough to get by, but there was nothing else she could do, and that infuriated her.

She hated to admit it, but she needed a real expert.

Not trusting Arobynn anymore after seeing him at the gala with whom she potentially thought could be her aunt, she was now on her own. She didn’t know any hackers in town that weren’t in some way tangled with Arobynn already, and that’s when she thought of asking Sam for help.

Adarlan Elite High was a big school, one full of rich people with lots of things to hide, lots of things to protect. She knew if Sam asked around, he’d be able to find someone. After all, Sam’s goal in the last two months had been getting to know everybody and making acquaintances. If he couldn’t be of help finding her a hacker, then what was the point of it all?

Finally opening up the link that Sam sent her, Celaena scratched her brow. The link seemed to download a ghost program onto her computer and then led her to a page with encrypted bank details. Sam had explained that the address of the place she had to go to wouldn’t be given to her until a deposit was made. Enough to cover a basic fee, and the rest of the payment would be done after the job was finished.

The prices were high, but Celaena couldn’t be worrying about money now, not if it meant she could get a real lead. For years, she had had the hunch that her aunt might have been involved with her parent’s accident somehow, but she had always tried to ignore those feelings, telling herself that Maeve had been the one to look after her every time her parents went over on business trips, the one to buy her presents for every birthday, and the one that had organized a beautiful ceremony after her parent’s death; one that she had only heard about from third parties and a lot of research.

She didn’t want to believe her own family would have betrayed her, but after looking into Dorian’s computer for weeks and weeks, she was almost certain his company had had nothing to do with the accident. And getting to know Dorian Jr. now, she had to admit he wasn’t half as bad as she had expected.

Celaena got up from the bed and headed to her dresser after making the transfer. She pulled out her leather jacket, changed her shoes to her laced-up boots, and grabbed the bike’s helmet from the top of the night table.

It was time to go for a ride and find herself some hackers.

Celaena rode the elevator to the basement and jumped on her bike, setting up the coordinates that were sent to her by transferring the link straight into her GPS system. The location seemed to be close to the docks, and not being overly surprised by it, she rode out. She left the crowded part of the city behind in no time, turning towards the cliffs on the outskirts. She was almost to the docks when the GPS made a beeping noise, and the coordinates changed all of a sudden, telling her to do a U-turn.

“Sweet trick,” she chuckled to herself.

She turned around at the end of the road, and followed back on her tracks, returning the way she came. Once she was almost into the city limits, she got this weird feeling in the back of her neck. Looking through the rearview mirror, she got a glimpse of a bike behind her, but when she looked back, it was gone. She drove fast for another five minutes, following the directions until she was about five blocks from her destination. She slowed down, and as soon she was two blocks away, the location changed again. She looked over her shoulder and got a glimpse of a shadow behind her.

It wasn’t too dark yet, the sun only just reaching the horizon, but the tall buildings on that side of the town made the roads dark enough for her to struggle to figure out if there was someone behind her, or if she was being overly paranoid.

The location changed place three more times before she finally got to the end of a quiet road, and the GPS signaled for her to go down an extremely narrow alley in between two buildings. She parked up on the street, jumped down, and put her helmet away in the compartment under the seat. Looking behind her once more, the road was deserted.

Maybe she was indeed paranoid, or maybe the hackers had someone trailing her to make sure she wasn’t being followed by anybody else. Every single hacker she knew was over-suspicious and certainly odd.

Celaena walked all the way to the end of the alley, and a message arrived on her phone, indicating to knock three times on the metal door with a triangle drawn on it. There were three doors at the end, all the same except for the faint triangle scraped into the metal of the middle one. It was rough, and it could have been mistaken for senseless scrapings if she hadn’t been looking for the triangular shape.

She knocked three times and waited.

The door creaked open an inch, and a pair of black eyes looked at her from the dim interior.

“Who’s this?”

“Deposit 45986, my reference is Fireheart,” Celaena replied, stating the number of her deposit and the name she chose to use as code.

“Coded word?” The voice coming from inside was definitely female and sounded fairly young.

“Dolphin,” she replied, repeating the word that was texted to her only a few seconds ago.

“Come in.”

The door opened another few inches, and Celaena walked in, the door slamming shut behind her. It took a few moments for her eyes to adjust to the dim interior, and when they did, she found herself in a long and narrow corridor, the woman already walking away in front of her. Adjusting her leather jacket, Celaena followed.

They looked to be almost the same height, and the lady was wearing all black clothes, barely visible in the darkness. They reached an elevator at the end of the hall, and the doors opened automatically to show a small round lift with mirrors all around.

As they stepped in, Celaena got a better look at her escort and was surprised to find she only looked a few years older than herself. Her hair was as dark as her eyes, and it was long and straight, getting almost to her waist. She smelled faintly of tobacco, and her face was set on a hard unmovable expression. She almost looked bored.

A sepulchral silence surrounded them as they went down, and down, and down. It took longer than expected till the doors finally opened up again to reveal a small room, illuminated by a single yellow-ish light. There was another girl there, sitting at a small desk with a computer, and Celaena had to look back and forth to make sure she wasn’t imagining things. The girl at the desk looked exactly the same as the one by her side, the only difference being that her hair was light-blond instead of midnight black.

“This is how things work around here,” the blond said, pointing to a little scanner on the table. “We trade in secrets. Before you can step into the den, you need to scan your fingerprint here.” She pointed at the small scanner, a humorless smile on her lips. “We will share all our secrets with you, in exchange for all of yours.”

Celaena doubted for a minute, her fingers tapping the side of her thigh furiously as she thought about what to do. She needed to find out what was going on with her aunt, and maybe these girls checking up on her would be an effective test to see how good they were at their job. There was no registry of Aelin after she was about 8 years old, and all her records as Celaena were fake and not linked to her digits whatsoever. She was a ghost, a dead girl, there was nothing for her to fear.

She convinced herself that it was alright, that she could do this, and taking one step forward, she pressed her finger against the scanner.

A red light blinked under her finger, and then the blond indicated for her to do the index from her other hand too. The red light blinked again, and then Celaena looked into the blond girl’s eyes, her irises moving back and forth as she read information from the screen in front of her, her fingers flying over the keyboard at a speed Celaena had never seen before.

“Well, well,” the blond said after the longest minute in Celaena’s life. “Welcome to our den, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius,” she said, standing up and opening the metal door behind her.

Celaena’s shock from hearing someone other than Sam use her real name for so long was almost overrun by the sight of the room in front of her. She took a step in, following the blond, with the twin right behind her heels.

The room was huge, with high ceilings full of hanging light bulbs in all sizes and shapes. The walls had led lights on every side, making the room bright but pleasant to the eyes at the same time. Right in the middle, three huge desks were forming a triangle, one of the edges pointing to the door, so the desk on the back was mostly covered from sight from where Celaena was standing. The two desks she could see had the biggest screens Celaena had ever seen, and they were covered in all kinds of machines with lights blinking all over the place.

Against the wall on the right, there were several pinball machines, and to the left, there was a set of couches with three flat-screen TVs attached to the wall, and massive shelves full of movies and books to each side of them.

As Celaena took in the place with her jaw hanging a little open, a third figure stood up from the desk on the back, and the twins standing to each side of her smiled wickedly, nodding as a way of greeting.

“Sisters,” the new girl said, stepping from behind the desk and walking around until she was right in front of Celaena. “I see you’ve brought our newest client.”

Blinking again and feeling dumbfounded, Celaena extended a hand toward her. She had been mistaken to think the girls were twins; even if the one standing now in front of her had golden eyes instead of black, and her hair was of the most radiant silver, there was no doubt to her that these girls were triplets. They looked like printed copies in different colors.

“I’m Manon,” the silver-haired one said, taking the hand Celaena was offering. “My sister here is Asterin,” she pointed to the blond girl, “and this is Sorrel,” she added as she pointed to the dark-haired one. “And we welcome you to the Blackbeak den,” she gestured theatrically to the room and then headed towards the couches, the other two girls following behind her.

Feeling a little out of place, Celaena grabbed a seat.

“What can we do for you, Aelin?”

She swallowed hard, her neck feeling clammy with sweat, her heartbeat going wild inside her chest. Hearing her name again after so long, was a strange feeling. She tried to picture Sam by the coast, telling her she could be whoever she wanted to be, telling her she was indeed all three. Celaena, Aelin, and Fireheart. She looked at each of the triplets, holding their gaze, reading their eyes. They all seemed composed, wickedly serious, but trustworthy, even if Celaena wasn’t one to trust anybody. But maybe… Maybe Aelin could trust. No one had known who she was before, and if these girls had found out in a matter of minutes, then she had to believe they could help her with her parents’ case. And if that trust was broken, well… Then Fireheart could always take matters into her own hands: literally.

She took one last deep breath, cracked her knuckles, and then proceeded to explain what she needed.

“Should be easy enough,” Asterin said after she had finished talking.

“We don’t jump to conclusions, Asterin,” Manon corrected. “When do you need this information?”

“As soon as possible. Once you have the list, and if I find what I’m looking for in it, I’d like to do a full investigation on the person we find.”

“Good. Let us work, we’ll contact you as soon as we have anything,” Sorrel explained.

“No questions asked,” Asterin added as if finishing her sister’s sentence. “That’s our policy.”

“Your secret is safe with us,” Mannon filled in, a stoic look on her face, “as long as you don’t cross us. A single word about who we are, and we’ll know. One word out of your mouth about this place, and your life will be turned upside down, your every secret spilled like blood draining from a freshly open wound. Understood?”

Standing up and squaring her shoulders, Celeana nodded. “I understand. I don’t go around spilling secrets, only blood,” she winked at the silver-haired girl, who snarled back at her.

“Let’s hope neither is spilled in here,” Asterin added, a sweet smile on her lips that made her look somehow lethal.

By the time Celaena jumped back into her bike, her heart was still racing. Having someone know about her identity was not on her plans, and she hoped it better be worth it.

Here’s Manon for you <3

#fireheart #throne of glass fanfic #fanfiction #tog #tog fandom #tog fanfic #celaena #sam cortland #rowan #rowaelin #manon

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hereticalsoulsarchive · 3 years

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casteel for @malaflamed

there is a frisson of tension. dealings between tessaren and atlantia had once been good. less so with adalaran. the king bearing a taint to his blood that left even the least discerning of them repelled by the oil slick magic that seemed to dampen even the strongest among them. yet what stood before casteel now was neither, and both. a slender woman, he’d recognize that figure -- that shape -- as a woman’s anywhere. there is something within her, something magic and ancient. yet something youthful and lost abotu her at the same time. the mask meant to disguise her face -- effective, yet that scent...

‘ celaena sardothien if i’m not mistaken. we met once. you were suggesting robbing me if i’m not mistaken. hawke thorne -- it’s an honor to make your acquaintance again. ‘

#.casteel da'neer : thread.#malaflamed #oops. he's an idiot.#i thought smoosh it together and put it around the assassins blade era? when she's still wearing a mask?

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princess-of-riviaa · 4 years

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Pleasing the Captain

Summary: As his secret lady at court, Captain of the Royal Guard Chaol Westfall can’t show you off in public, despite how much he longs to. You often use this to your advantage.

Author’s note: Takes place before Throne of Glass/pre-Celaena. Re-reading Crown of Midnight has put me in the Chaol mood and I’m not apologizing.

Warnings: public sex, handjob, blowjob, enough Chaol feels to make you burst, 18+

Chaol Westfall has loved you since the first moment he saw you

As Captain of the Royal Guard of Adarlan, his willpower and self-control is impeccable

But around you it’s nonexistent

It didn’t take long for you two to confess your feelings for each other and the irresistible attraction you had for one another

You loved him just as much, but your reputation at court was all business

You were considered a queen in the political world and as much as you cared about Chaol with everything inside of you, you both agreed that keeping the relationship a secret was the best thing for both of you, at least in the beginning

So every time he brought you fresh flowers from the castle garden he had to sneak them in to your rooms

You’d often wake up in the mornings to a mysterious package waiting at the foot of your bed, nothing but a note that said ‘You have my whole heart, C’ to let you know who it was from

You were a serious woman, not much phased you, but everytime he brought you gifts you couldn’t help but smile and blush and giggle like a schoolgirl

You couldn’t help it, you were falling for Chaol Westfall so fast

Everytime you passed each other in the castle halls or the city streets you would move just close enough to feel your fingers brush against his for just a few seconds, and he’d give you a look that said he’d feel every other inch of you later that night in your room

Despite you being his first, he was an amazing lover

You couldn’t tell if that was just due to how much you both felt for each other or because he had a seriously skilled mouth. and tongue. and fingers.

oh gods, those fingers

On nights when he was on guard duty and you needed to find a release without him, you could get yourself off on the thought of his hands alone

Thinking about the way they pinched your nipples with just enough pressure to make you moan

Thinking about how his fingers would tease your pussy as he ran them between your folds

Thinking about the rough way they curled inside of you, hitting your g-spot just right until you came around his fingers, him swallowing your scream in his mouth

To the public eye you two were nothing more than acquaintances who occasionally shared a conversation or two over important court dinners

During one court dinner a few months into your relationship, you two were coincidentally seated next to each other

You didn’t speak much to each other during the meal, choosing to speak with those around you instead, though you kept your hand on his thigh the entire time

His hand would sometimes come down to hold yours, just for a few seconds before he went back to conversing with his hands to the guards beside him

He didn’t show any hint of emotion or reaction to you touching him and you wanted to see just how far you could go before he lost his control completely

Your hand began to move towards the inside of his thigh and you slowly, slowly moved your fingers towards his dick

You moved slow enough for him to realize what you were planning

Out of the corner of your eye you could see him flick a warning glance at you, but you pretended to be too interested in the woman in front of you to notice his look

By the time your hand was resting above his dick he was already semi-hard

You wished you could know what was going through his head right now, though you knew you’d be finding out the hard way later tonight

Chaol yearned to be gentle with you, to love every inch of your body, to make you melt with a warm, gentle fire

But sometimes, mainly on nights when you teased him, he preferred to fuck some sense into you

He’d pound you into the bed so hard and fast and rough that he’d even broken the headboard once

As your fingers rubbed his hard-on under the table, you knew you’d be seeing the rough side of him tonight

His legs squirming under your touch was the only reaction he gave to your hand on him

You could feel him straining against the seam of his pants, just aching to be inside of you

With an “accidental” nudge your fork fell to the ground and clattered under the table

You excused yourself as you disappeared under the table to retrieve your utensil

Normally you wouldn’t act so clueless in the public eye

But you wanted to taste Chaol as badly as he needed to feel your mouth around him

You adjusted under the table until you were between his thighs and gave his hard bulge a gentle, teasing kiss over his pants

You untied his trousers within seconds, forcing yourself to keep from moaning as his cock jumped out, the red and swollen tip already leaking with pre-cum

His cock was in your mouth a second later and you moaned around him, too faint for anyone to hear but enough for him to feel the vibrations of your voice

His cock twitched in your mouth, growing even harder

You held onto his thigh with one hand, trying to keep yourself steady as you licked up and down his tip, soaking up the juices already spilling out

With your other hand you massaged his balls

It only took a few pumps of his cock in your mouth before he brought his hand underneath the table to wrap around your hair

He began moving your mouth at a quicker pace

You did your best to not choke around him, but shit he was huge

Your tongue swirled around him as he shoved his dick to the back of your throat

You let him fuck your mouth as you focused on playing with his balls and trying not to choke too loudly

He grew impossibly bigger in your mouth and a second later his cum shot down your throat

You swallowed it all up, greedy for every lick of his salty seed

You tied his pants back up once you were done and ran a hand through your hair, hoping no one would be able to tell that you’d just given your Captain a blowjob, just a few feet away from the royal family

You caught his eye when you reappeared from underneath the table

His eyes were dark as they took in the sight of you, and the way he licked his lips, his tongue darting out just quickly enough for you to see, made you wet

Your legs pressed together as you felt a fire burning in your stomach

You apologized to the nobles and courtesans around you, making some joke about your clumsiness and a servant came around to give you a clean fork

Chaol’s hand rested on your knee, gently nudging your legs apart

It was his turn to play

And somehow you knew you weren’t going to last much longer at this dinner

#chaol westfall #dorian havilliard #celaena sardothien #chaol westfall smut #sarah j maas #sjm #throne of glass #crown of midnight #chaol westfall feels #chaol westfall fluff #captain of the guard #heir of fire #queen of shadows #empire of storms #tower of dawn #kingdom of ash #assassins blade #chaol x celaena #dorian x celaena

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asexualbookbird · 5 years

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IGNITE THE STARS BY MAURA MILAN ★★★☆☆

Everyone in the universe knows his name. Everyone in the universe fears him. But no one realizes that notorious outlaw Ia Cocha is a seventeen-year-old girl. A criminal mastermind and unrivaled pilot, Ia has spent her life terrorizing the Olympus Commonwealth, the imperialist nation that destroyed her home. When the Commonwealth captures her and her true identity is exposed, they see Ia’s age and talent as an opportunity: by forcing her to serve them, they will prove that no one is beyond their control. Soon, Ia is trapped at the Commonwealth’s military academy, desperately plotting her escape. But new acquaintances—including Brinn, a seemingly average student with a closely-held secret, and their charming Flight Master, Knives—cause Ia to question her own alliances. Can she find a way to escape the Commonwealth’s clutches before these bonds deepen?

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how I discovered this book. I thought a friend told me about it, but when I asked, they had never heard of it, and it just showed up on my kindle one day. Probably one of those daily deals I snatch up without thinking too much about it. However, this one sounded really good! A most wanted criminal everyone thinks is a man, is actually a young girl! She’s fighting against the people who destroyed her home so she can have some sense of revenge and closure! It’s set in space!! All great things, a book full of promise. If only it delivered.

GOODREADS

A couple of chapter in, I found out this was pitched as Throne of Glass, but in space. I don’t think I would have ignored this book had I known that, but I would have been more prepared for what it gave me. See, I expected to see more of Ia’s criminal shenanigans. I wanted to see her breaking laws, taking down the government bit by bit, see her get captured, and watch her escape. Instead I got a plot similar to ToG. We have a quick burst of action in the very beginning, but immediately Ia is captured and brought to a secret military base and, wait for it, sent to military school. There are similarities with Ia and Celaena, but otherwise the comparison stops there. The plots go in very different directions, and for that I’m grateful. Also, while we don’t get to see Ia be a criminal mastermind, we still get to see her do cool stunts and kick butt. There were a few twists that were set up pretty well, so I did catch on and expect them, but it didn’t feel anticlimactic when they were revealed. Clues were peppered in, they weren’t thrown in your face. They were great, really, because if you didn’t catch on you really wouldn’t expect it, but I’m not a huge fan of the fact we’re now supposedly supposed to trust and root for the government that is colonising everything they can and advocating for the deportation of entire races of people. The politics in this book are very Relevant, and I do hope the plot in future books will take a turn towards taking down this corrupt government in one way or another. There seems to be promise for electing competent people, so even if it’s settled that way I’ll be happy. It’s just watching Ia be so adamant about hating these people who hurt her, and then having her turn around and help them rubs me the wrong way. I don’t just mean her friends, either. I understand making friends and realising not everyone is bad, and that’s a good direction to go! It’s having her go up to the guy who tortured her and choosing to work for him that gets to me. Her reasons are sound, and I do hope that it all works out in the end, but for now I’m going to be cautious about it all. The writing itself was not great, to be honest. I’m sure it boils down to a new writer, as it felt unrefined. There were many times a character would think back and remember something that happened a scene or two ago and the way it was presented was like how you would remind a reader of something that happened in an earlier book. It doesn’t quite talk down to the reader, but it gets very close. However, the scifi language was very light and while hardcore scifi fans probably wouldn’t enjoy that, it was great for me. The new swears were weird, and I still need more time to get used to them, but there was no learning an entire new language just to understand half of what was going on. It was very much Our World, but A Little To The Left and easy to jump in to. Unfortunately, this also means that detailed world building was ignored. I would have liked a happy medium between the two. I guess this takes place inside a mountain, on a frozen planet, but other than that, there’s little to the world building. I’m not even sure how the politics work. I guess the Commonwealth is run by two Queens, but everyone seems to love them? Yet the military is Awful and killing or colonising every place they can? It’s not clear. I’ve been trying not to talk about romances in novels much, since it’s very hard to make me happy with a romance, but this one was disappointing beyond belief. It wasn’t bad, there wasn’t much wrong with it, it just made little to no sense. Why is Ia falling for this boy she hardly sees and not the girl she’s spent most of her time with and who’s fingers she grasped in adoration in their final scene together? If they don’t become a couple in future books, I’ll be disappointed, they work so well together. All Ia and Knives have in common is Family Drama and they love flying. The romance wasn’t awful, but it could have been so much better. Really, it could have been left out completely and not much would change. Finally, there were a few deaths in this book. The characters were Very Sad about these deaths, because those were friends! Comrades! Classmates! I felt nothing. That sounds bad, but I don’t know these people. We had maybe two short scenes with them, and then they died, I knew nothing about them, why should I care they’re gone? Because the characters do? I’m going to need more reason than that. This wasn’t a bad book, not by any means. There was a lot of action and a lot of promise, and I will keep an eye out for sequels. It’d be a good book for someone who wants to dip their toes into the scifi genre, but don’t want to be overwhelmed with scifi words and overly complicated plotlines. It has a clear political stance, but it’s not bogged down with the politics. It was a fast and fun read that could have been great had it been handled a bit differently.

#books #booklr #bookstagram #book review #ignite the stars #maura milan #my review #my reviews #ezra reads ignite the stars #bookbird babbles

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sapphicunicorn · 5 years

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Ignite the Stars by Maura Milan (young adult/science fiction)

Everyone in the universe knows his name. Everyone in the universe fears him. But no one realizes that notorious outlaw Ia Cocha is a seventeen-year-old girl.

A criminal mastermind and unrivaled pilot, Ia has spent her life terrorizing the Olympus Commonwealth, the imperialist nation that destroyed her home. When the Commonwealth captures her and her true identity is exposed, they see Ia’s age and talent as an opportunity: by forcing her to serve them, they will prove that no one is beyond their control.

Soon, Ia is trapped at the Commonwealth’s military academy, desperately plotting her escape. But new acquaintances—including Brinn, a seemingly average student with a closely-held secret, and their charming Flight Master, Knives—cause Ia to question her own alliances. Can she find a way to escape the Commonwealth’s clutches before these bonds deepen?

I happened to spot the cover from a random “In your orbit” post and I knew I had to have it. What kind of sci-fi fan would I be if I passed up something as gorgeous as that? I read a quick synopsis and then hopped over to Amazon to buy it right away. And when it showed up on my doorstep, I cracked it open right away.

And then I started seeing “Think Throne of Glass in space!” And it made sense why I struggled to keep reading. While Throne of Glass is compelling for some people, as someone on the other side of the fence… I should’ve listened.

Ia (“It’s pronounced eye-yah” she insists in the first chapter) is a notorious criminal but no one knew she was just a girl. When she’s confronted by the military aboard a refugee ship, the secret comes out and she trades her freedom for the safety of the refugees. Soon her face is paraded around the Commonwealth, the day going down in history that the Blood Wolf of the Skies was brought to heel.

Brinn is a girl just trying to fit in. She dyes her hair, keeps her head down, does everything according to “normal” standards, but nothing can change the fact that she’s Tawny. And Tawny aren’t widely accepted in the Commonwealth. When she sees the news of Ia’s capture, Brinn decides she’s destined for more than a normal life as a history scholar. She’s a citizen of the Commonwealth, she’s more than the slurs say, she’s more than her past, and so she decides to make her mark and enrolls at the military academy Aphelion.

Here’s where the book instantly begins to drag. Although we have an explosive chase from Ia’s first escape attempt, the book mostly wanders between three different POVs and nothing really happens. When we travel with Ia, she’s either alone or orbiting Knives. When we travel with Brinn, well, literally nothing happens. When we travel with Knives, it’s all about Ia. You might think that a military academy has drills, that we might see some flight training, spend time with all of the jets that are so highly talked about.

Nope. The majority of the book is spent sitting around. We see maybe two classes? One is a lecture (which turns into a convenient plot point not long after it’s introduced), and the other is a simulation. Sure would’ve been nice if someone actually piloted something or even took a test. School work is more interesting than just sitting around!

While Ia is a compelling character when she’s actually doing something, the middle of the book finds her so comfortable with her surroundings that she’s hardly thinking of escape. Instead, she’s thinking more about Knives’s ice blue eyes. His eyes as blue as an ocean. Those blue eyes that are like storm clouds. Hey, did you know that Knives has blue eyes? And when she’s not thinking of Knives, she finds herself surrounded by people unable to do very basic things. So that makes her The Best at everything. And everyone must notice she’s The Best.

Meanwhile, Knives is unimportant. There’s no point to him being here besides confirming that Ia is The Best and everything she does is awesome, but scary, but totally super awesome. His chapters were the hardest to finish because there was just no point. He made the book drag and drag and drag. But thank god his eyes are blue. Did you know that yet?

Brinn was the least interesting, but that wasn’t surprising since she was supposed to be boring. That’s her entire character. Secretly she’s the brainiac character, complementing Ia’s ability to pull plot convenience out of thin air, but even that isn’t used until towards the end of the book. She struggles the most at Aphelion academy; refugees are quickly becoming targets for violence, and even Brinn’s brother is swept up in an attack that lands him in the hospital. Slurs appear around Brinn’s dorm--that Ia conveniently cleans before anyone sees, so we don’t see any growth from Brinn confronting the people involved.

The plot appears much later in the book. Suddenly we’re thrust into star gates and dead space and slavers and betrayals… and, honestly, the latter half of the book didn’t make much sense. But Knives had to have some of the spotlight, and Ia had a chance to finally prove she could do something besides talk. And Brinn had to come to terms with her heritage.

All in all, the book itself was confused. It started as a sci-fi thriller, turned into a social commentary, threw in some romance and friendship, and then quickly nosedived into typical YA territory where the main character magically makes everything better and saves the day. And gets the guy. Was the obnoxious romance mentioned yet? Because it’s certainly there. And it’s obnoxious.

Ignite the Stars isn’t a bad book by any means--it’s just boring. Even with all the standing around and talking, the characters never really took on life or grew or did anything interesting. Still, I wouldn’t compare it directly to Throne of Glass. Celaena only insisted she was The Best and that was all the proof anyone needed--no questions asked, no proof necessary. At least Ia proved she could do something. At least Ia wanted to do something.

Don’t think of Ignite the Stars as “Throne of Glass in space” because it’s much more enjoyable, and more descriptive, than that series.

#booklr #book reviews #ignite the stars #maura milan #young adult books #science fiction #young adult #yes i will still rage about ToG thank you very much

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warsinmyhead · 6 years

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❤ ( Jimin and Cel )

x | meme status: accepting!

Dating:

Where was their first official date?

After Celaena threatened some of the people vandalizing Jimin’s office for a second time (the final time!), Jimin insisted on treating her to lunch as his way of saying thank you. The former was prepared to go half on the bill but was surprised when Jimin picked up the tab and bowed his head. “Listen I know it’s kind of cowardly to not deal with them face-to-face, but I really do appreciate you saving my ass those last two times,” he explained.

What is their favorite date location?

I don’t think they have a favorite location, given how crazy their schedules are. They try to spend time together if things work out.

How many dates before their first kiss?

Unofficially, Jimin has kissed Celaena post-mission, mostly a platonic forehead kiss or two before the pair started dating. He probably didn’t pluck up the courage to kiss the young lady on the lips until almost 6 months of working together, if not a little longer.

Who asked who out first?

Celaena after the lunch date thing. Jimin didn’t know if that counted as a date but lowkey kind of counted it in his head?

How many dates before they considered each other a couple?

??? I’ll be honest – since both wouldn’t want to rush things, I think it would take almost a year to get to the couple status for the pair?

Friends:

How many mutual friends do they have?

1 – Briggs.

Which one of their friends is most likely to get in between an argument between the ship?

No one. Briggs works in the US and rarely witnesses what goes on between the pair. Maybe if the pair had a minor disagreement and she happened to be in the vicinity, she might stick her head in and snark something like, “You two argue like a married couple, except we have Ji being the sulky old man and Celaena being the stubborn old lady.”

Which one has more friends?

Jimin might – I say this because being involved in undergrad and graduate studies on campus introduced him to a lot of people. He would likely count a majority of people as acquaintances but many who like him for his work and his persona would count him as a friend.

Which one has introduced the other to more people?

Jimin but he’s not really introduced Celaena to many people because he tries to keep work and personal separated. Plus it’s sort of difficult to explain to his non-Kingsman acquaintances and friends the nature of his work and why he’s hardly available now.

Did they start out as friends and made their way to a couple, or were they a couple almost right away?

They actually had some tension and nearly became enemies after their first meeting. Jimin was a few months into his new role as a quartermaster and was beginning to experience lower level personnel harassing and bullying him, claiming he purposely killed the former Kumiho to get his job. Celaena caught him on a bad day after trying to unlock all of his devices and clean the drives which were loaded with Trojan horses and malware and nearly used her abilities on him when he seemed snappish.

Arguments:

What do they argue about the most?

Probably who is doing the paperwork after a mission. (Especially if something went south and one tries to take sole responsibility of the blame.)

How do they usually solve their disagreements?

Jimin tends to pull the older person card and insists that he is her handler and is responsible for her.

Do they argue a lot or not very often?

Not often. They aren’t the types to raise their voices and turn things into a screaming match. Mostly they’ll try to ignore the elephant in the room and/or sulk silently.

Who admits to being wrong more often?

Celaena in terms of their early missions. Because she has to try to keep her abilities under wraps if she’s trying to charm or obtain critical information from a target, her powers are not encouraged for her fake identity during the mission. There were times when push came to shove and their cover was nearly blown and in those cases, Celaena may act remorseful and will offer to let Jimin note in the mission file that she messed up. (He’ll never write it that way though as he thinks pinning the blame on one person is somewhat petty.)

Cuddling:

When are they most likely to cuddle?

Behind closed doors after work.

Where is their favorite place to cuddle?

Bed or a couch?

Who’s usually the big spoon?

Jimin

Do they cuddle often?

Not really. Neither are against it but usually time isn’t in their favor and they have to use it wisely before heading off to work or school.

Marriage:

Are they married? If not, is it something that could happen between them?

No. Maybe. Jimin’s concern is making sure his life is somewhat in order before he even thinks about popping the question to anyone. (He knows loans and financial stability are important before bringing another person into the picture.)

If they are married, where did they get married at? If not married, what is their dream wedding location?

As cliche as this sounds, a small ceremony with only close friends and family on Jeju Island – Jimin would love to show the natural beauty to Celaena.

If married, who proposed to who? If not married, who would be more likely to propose to who?

Jimin would propose since he’s more of the traditionalist. However, if Cel beat him to it, he wouldn’t complain.

If they are married, which one moved in with the other? If not married, who would be more likely to move in with the other?

I think Jimin would want to wait before getting married before moving in with Celaena, simply due to his traditional upbringing. (His aunt thinks it’s too soon to move in together with someone unless married since things could go south and if the lease is in both of the couple’s names, then it gets awkward.)

Children:

Do they have kids? If not, would they consider having kids?

No kids. Unsure. Jimin’s aunt would LOVE to have grandkids running around but that’s her take.

How many kids do they have? If no kids, how many kids would they want to have?

1 or 2 in Jimin’s eyes.

What are the children’s names? If no kids, what would they name their kids?

Jimin hasn’t given it any thought. Honestly, he doesn’t think that far ahead!

Random:

What are three random headcannons you have about the ship that are not related to romance or sex?

Before they started dating, Jimin probably begged his friend Hiro to help him bake some sweet treat for Celaena since he doesn’t feel confident in his baking skills. The latter might be a little lowkey jealous but eventually gets all shippy about his sunbae trying to awkwardly woo the “cool fire agent.”

Celaena once bumped into Jimin’s ex Tatiana at the airport. Both were paired as seatmates on the flight and the latter began talking about finding nothing but toads in terms of boyfriends. Celaena pretended to be interested and half tuned out the young woman until Tatiana began bashing Jimin. The former then cut off the bossy older girl and remarked that she walked over poor Jimin and never gave him a proper chance. “Sorry he’s too old school for you, but he’s a smart, perceptive guy and I’m lucky to know him!”

Celaena took Jimin to a BTS concert after winning tickets and struggling to find someone to go with. He went to humor her since he didn’t want her going alone and mainly she wanted to observe his confusion and amused expressions. When the guys began dancing slightly provocatively during one of their songs, Jimin couldn’t help but cover Celaena’s eyes. “Aish these punks – this is not appropriate!” he grumbled, narrowing his eyes at J-Hope who was trying to catch Celaena’s eye.“Aww, is Grampa jealous?”“Eh?! No, no, no! They’re dancing too sexually! And, and I don’t like how that one guy in the bucket hat is looking at you while he dances!”“You mean J-Hope?”“Who the Hell is naming these people these days?!”

Which one is more likely to suggest getting pets?

??? As much as Jimin would like a pet, he worries with the nature of Kingsman that he’ll never be able to give it the proper care needed.

Which one eats more snack foods?

Celaena? Jimin rarely munches since he tries to maintain a healthy body.

What is their favorite movie to watch together?

???

What is their favorite tabletop game to play together?

Sorry – Celaena tries not to smirk if she bumps Jimin back to Start and he’ll grumble.

What are your three absolute favorite things about this ship?

Regardless of being a couple or platonic, Jimin is always going to look out for Celaena.

There is an underlying respect for one another and their abilities and both would be likely defend one another.

Celaena give him a little push – Grampa needs a bit of optimism and youth to bring him into the modern age.

What is one thing you don’t like about this ship?

I haven’t given it any thought. To some they’ll note that there is an age gap that does make both of them pause for a moment, but it is doable and they can overcome the age hurdle after talking it out.

If you had to rate this ship on a scale of 1-10, what would you give it?

7/10 – it’s in progress but both need to overcome their personal self-doubts and try.

Sex:

Who is more likely to initiate sex?

??? I think both are a bit shy to ask. Jimin doesn’t crave sex like other guys plus he doesn’t want to come off as a creep for asking. In a way I could see Celaena gathering her courage and asking if he was okay and that both had a sense of trust before doing it.

Do they prefer to do it in a bed, or do they prefer a chair, or perhaps the shower? Maybe other spots?

Jimin’s a traditionalist so it’s the bed. Maybe there was a point where the pair got into a playful fight on the couch about something then someone’s accidentally on top of the other and the mood changed.

Do they practice any kind of bdsm in the bedroom at all and if so, what kinds?

Lowkey Jimin is into very light bondage and blindfolds but he’s incredibly nervous about sharing that idea with Celaena or anyone. If they got more comfortable with each other and both gave the okay, he’d try it.

Who’s usually more dominant in the bedroom?

I think both switch depending on the mood. Jimin’s first priority is always making sure his partner is comfortable and receives their ending out of it.

Lights on or off?

Off

Do they share any kinks?

??? Maybe slow, sweet sex?

Does either one have any kinks that they don’t have in common with the other?

??? Jimin has contemplated ball worship but given the fact that his first blowjob he received was a disaster, as Tatiana couldn’t handle it properly, he’s too shy to ask. (Blowjobs in general he’s nervous about letting anyone go down on him because of his size and he knows he’s anything but small.) He’s also curious about pleasuring a female partner to the point where they squirt, but again he’s a little too sheepish to admit that. ^^;

Have they ever had sex anywhere public before?

Absolutely not. Jimin would be mortified to have people watching as he thinks it’s no one’s business to watch him get it on with anyone.

Who would be most likely to suggest bringing in a third person and who would that person be?

NO – Jimin has terrible self-esteem and the idea of a threesome would only ruin the mood. He doesn’t pull the jealousy sex card if it was proposed – more like he’ll close himself off and avoid the person who proposed it for a while.

#cosmicoutcasts #[ ask: what does a demonic fox say? ]#[ OFF LIMITS: 18+ ]#[tw: sex]#[tw: self doubt]#[ would you call this some kind of dream team?: jimin x celaena ]#warsinmyhead

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shewhotellsstories · 7 years

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Your Fave is Problematic pt. 2: To Love is to Destroy

Fair warning this is highly critical of Rowan Whitethorn and his relationship with Aelin Ashryver Galathinius and Sarah J. Maas

Unfortunately the Throne of Glass series published five years after The Mortal Instruments has similar troubling portrayals of relationships. Throughout the series, Celaena/Aelin has more than one romantic relationship. For the purposes of this analysis, I am choosing only to focus on her permanent romantic partner Rowan Whitethorn. Celaena’s relationship with Rowan Whitethorn takes the Belligerent Sexual Tension trope to another level. The pair meet in the third book when Celaena is in a deep depression due to the events of the previous books, in particular, the brutal murder of her best friend. She is sent to Wendlyn by her ex-lover Chaol. Once there her mission is to find a way around the king’s orders and to keep her promise to her departed friend: see her kingdom freed. To get answers on overthrowing the King of Adarlan she goes to her long lost Fae Queen aunt for answers.

To say that her interactions with Rowan are tense would be an understatement.

After Celaena’s Aunt Maeve hands down the order that Celaena must train with Rowan, Rowan walks her back to the room where she’ll be staying. Neither Celaena nor Rowan is happy about this arrangement. Rowan thinks that Celaena is a spoiled child and Celaena believes him to be an arrogant brute. When Rowan expresses his displeasure for the task, Celaena says angrily, “Fae like you make me understand the King of Adarlan’s actions a bit more, I think.” (Heir of Fire 109) For added context, the King of Adarlan has spent a significant part of the past decade having his army slaughter magical creatures, the Fae in particular. Celaena’s entire family with the exception of her cousin Aedion and herself were among those executed on the king’s orders when she was only 8. She does not actually feel this way. Rowan is infuriated and chooses not to respond with words but with violence.

“Faster than she could sense, faster than anything had a right to be, he punched her.

She shifted enough to keep her nose from shattering but took the blow on her mouth. She hit the wall, whacked her head, and tasted blood. Good.” (Heir of Fire 109)

Rowan punched her the face, so hard that she bled and her lip was swollen. Not in a duel, not in training, not in defense, but simply because Celaena insulted him. This behavior is excused almost immediately. As Celaena is lying in bed later that night she would think to herself that she “deserved it” the following morning she would also find a tin of salve outside her door from Rowan per the orders of the queen attached to a note that said she deserved it. (Heir of Fire 114) Upon pondering the incident when thinking of the power of the Fae and Rowan’s age and experience Celaena observes that if Rowan really wanted to he could have shattered her jaw. So by only leaving her slightly bloodied and bruised the audience is supposed to believe he practiced restraint by not hurting her as badly as he physically could have. In the beginning of their acquaintance, being an immortal being Rowan makes a show of telling Celaena how much older and more experienced he is than Celaena. So having a century or two on Celaena one would think Rowan would be above the taunts and provocations of an 18-year-old girl.

In order to teach Celaena to control her magic, Rowan is determined to get Celaena hone her shifting abilities. He believes that Celaena obtaining control over these abilities are the keys to her having control over her long suppressed magical abilities. Rowan tries to get her to shift through violently provoking her in training sessions. Celaena’s sessions with Rowan often leave her bruised and sore. So much so that those she’s stationed to work alongside in the castle’s kitchen take notice. An important character trait of Celaena is that she’s proud, she hates the thought of anyone pitying her. When Emrys an older man who runs the kitchen is concerned about her bruising she simply says: “I’ve been through worse.” (Heir of Fire 225)

She then proceeds to show Emrys the scars she’s acquired throughout the course of her life. “She silently invited him to do the calculations: a life in Adarlan with Fae blood, a life in Adarlan as a woman . . . His face paled.” (Heir of Fire 226) With that, he drops it and orders Luca a fellow half-breed Fae who works under him to do the same. In further rationalizing Rowan’s treatment of her within the text, the morning after a particularly brutal training session Celaena recalls that she’d been bloodied up more at the hands Arobynn, her trainer, for disobeying orders. This passage is telling the audience that because Celaena is capable of violence, is not a stranger to being treated violently, and has been by her own account hurt worse by others. Rowan’s violence towards her is inconsequential. In this respect, her strength is used against her and used as evidence that because she theoretically can take a abuse, she is incapable of being victimized.

During an argument that takes place during a training session, Rowan grabs Celaena’s tongue and pinches it. Then when she swears at him once he lets go of her tongue he presses her against a tree and bites her neck so hard that she bleeds and shifts into her at this point elusive Fae form. There is a sexual component in biting for the Fae. However, it’s ambiguous if he bit Celaena out of rage, lust, or with the purpose of getting her to shift. Either way, in the end when after realizing from the taste of her blood that she’s been recently romantically involved with someone else, he promises not to bite her again not out of respect for her or her personal space, but out of respect for the desires of a man he’s never even met saying, “You don’t bite the women of other males.” (Heir of Fire 280) Unfortunately, this isn’t the end of it. Rowan proceeds to berate her for her lack of self-control:

“You’re worthless.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

He went on, “You would probably have been more useful to the world if you’d actually died ten years ago.” (Heir of Fire 283)

At this point in the story, Celaena is grief stricken and depressed. She truly believes that the world and the people she has grown close to in the years that followed her parents' death would be better off if she had died along with the rest of her family. However, that is the final straw. Celaena decides to leave and be done with Rowan. However, this doesn’t last. She journeys away from the castle and is attacked in the forest and nearly killed by skinwalkers (monsters) only to be saved by Rowan and with his help they are able to defeat the skinwalkers. He then informs her after they work together to defeat the skinwalkers, that she isn’t leaving. This is meant to be a somewhat redeeming moment for Rowan, despite his past treatment of her how bad could a guy who saves her life be?

After this temporarily Rowan becomes slightly less harsh and then goes back to treating her horribly. When Emrys tells Rowan that the way he’s “training” Celaena is crushing her spirit Rowan shows no sign of regret but does decide to change his training tactics and the two begin to bond. So much so that at the end of the third book Celaena saves Rowan’s life and he swears a blood oath to her. Emrys is interested in Celaena in part because he’s worked out who her parents are, but also despite having only known her for a short time, he can see that she’s lost all hope. Upon the third book when the audience is introduced to Rowan one could draw the conclusion that he’s either not as observant as Emrys or simply doesn’t care that Celaena’s at an all time low. This relationship starts with Rowan figuratively and literally kicking her while she is down. Later we learn that Rowan himself is mourning because his wife died. The narrative is at first he’s in so much pain he can’t connect with anyone else. Later on, it’s revealed that Maeve had his wife killed to “break” him. (Empire of Storms 1443) These revelations remove responsibility from Rowan for actions in a number of ways: Firstly this suggests that his cruelty wasn’t really his fault but Maeve’s. Secondly, the audience is meant to feel for him because according to this information he’s not an abuser, just a man who lost his wife.

When Rowan and Celaena become romantically involved the fourth book Rowan’s behavior towards Celaena shifts from being cruel and violent to being possessive and controlling.

“It’s not just your business, not anymore. You will take me along with you the next time.”

“The next time I sneak out,” she seethed, “if I catch you following me like some overprotective nursemaid, I will—”

“You’ll what?” He stepped up close enough to share breath with her, his fangs flashing. In the light of the lantern, she could clearly see his eyes—and he could see hers as she silently said, I don’t know what I’ll do, you bastard, but I’ll make your life a living hell for it.

He snarled, and the sound stroked down her skin as she read the unspoken words in his eyes. Stop being stubborn. Is this some attempt to cling to your independence?

And so what if it is? she shot back. Just—let me do these things on my own.

“I can’t promise that,” he said, the dim light caressing his tan skin, the elegant tattoo. (Queen of Shadows 635)

His possessive, controlling, paternalistic behavior in a romantic relationship was excused before it even starts. Celaena and Rowan officially become involved in the fourth book, but when we are first introduced to the fae one of the first things we learn about the species is that fae men cannot help their alpha male behavior. It’s in their blood:

“It’s in our blood,” Luca said, lifting his chin. “It is our duty, honor, and life’s mission to make sure our families are cared for. Especially our mates.”

“And it makes you a thorn in our side,” Emrys clucked. “Possessive, territorial beasts.” The old man strode to the sink, setting down the cool kettle for Celaena to wash. “My mate means well, lass...” (Heir of Fire 288)

This portrayal of fae male behavior as well-meaning and noble echoes the unfortunate reality that abuse victims are sometimes told that their abuser's abusive behavior is for their own good. It also echoes one of the most damaging myths about dating and domestic violence: men simply cannot help themselves, therefore, cannot be held responsible for the damage they do. (Deffenbacher 926)

Within the relationship Rowan’s behavior is even further rationalized, simply because he’s not human:

“Before you call me a territorial Fae bastard, allow me to apologize and explain that it is very difficult—”

“Rowan.” He stilled. She crossed the small lingering distance between them, every step like the answer to some question she’d asked from the moment her soul had sparked into existence. “You are not human. I do not expect you to be.” (Empire of Storms 936)

This could have been a turning point for Rowan, instead, his poor behavior is further excused. In Throne of Glass specifically, the possessive and territorial behavior mentioned is only ever addressed as a joke or in passing and the fae males who exhibit such behavior face no real consequences for it, therefore have no incentive to change. They never change and yet Celaena and other characters paired with Fae men stay with them. Passing this sort of behavior off as an endearing quality is irresponsible. With every passing moment that the toxic masculinity of Rowan and others is laughed off, it is normalized. (Taylor 390) Additionally, in the fifth book of the series, it is revealed that Rowan and Celaena are mates, meaning soulmates. Which unfortunately tells the audience that Rowan and Celaena’s relationship cannot be unhealthy because they were born for each other. (Deffenbacher 924)

For the purpose of this analysis, I will go with the definition that defines toxic masculinity as society making manhood synonymous with violence, sex, dominance, and aggression. Portrayals of relationships like Rowan and Celaena’s in this fashion rewards, reinforces, and normalizes this concept of manhood and ignores the very real danger in defining manhood in terms of violence and dominance. Even if one could overlook the toxic masculinity and the deeply unsettling way that sex and violence are so casually linked in this relationship, a lot of Celaena’s character development is sacrificed to validate her relationship with Rowan. For all her pretend arrogance there’s one thing can’t truly forgive herself for: living. She spends much of the series hating herself for surviving when her parents, her governess, her best friend, and her first love died so brutally. This guilt is so crippling she spends much of the series running away from her past. Until she can’t any longer. Exploring her magic in the third book also forces her to remember her childhood and remember the person she was before everything went so horribly wrong. Due to a series of events she is kidnapped by demonic creatures who force her to relive her most painful memories. This causes her to see her life clearly for the first time and decide to honor her loved ones by living. And yet, in the following book, she says she wants to live because of Rowan. “She said softly, “You make me want to live, Rowan. Not survive; not exist. Live.” (Queen of Shadows 1067)

It goes without saying that Celaena’s will to live really should not come from a man, but this moment undid a lot of her growth from the previous book. Even her lack of fear of her once mentor is attributed to Rowan. In the text, she isn’t afraid because she is no longer a child, but because now she has Rown. This situation isn’t helped by the fact that once she and Rowan become romantically involved every other friendship and or relationship in her life is put on the back burner.

To be continued...

#my senior thesis #anti sjm #anti rowaelin #celaena sardothien #anti rowan whitethorn #anti sarah j maas #anti tog #feminism #media literacy #tw abuse

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