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#daily risk of death
emyn-arnens · 2 years
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a small collection of Frodo moments that break my heart
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macabrevampire · 7 days
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chat i might be mentally ill ( ↖ guy that's suffered tremendously his entire life and is only getting worse)
#txt#long ass vent ahead in tags; read at your own risk <3#being a person who can't function and can't socialize and hasn't been able to find a job is awful :D#i feel like i'm the most worthless scum on earth. why can't i work. i know i'm unsettling and can't talk normally#i want to work; i want to socialize#i want to be human#but everything i say is wrong; everything i do doesn't amount to anything#my ocd and anxiety and depression are fucking killing me daily. the compulsions get worse and i get more depressed#i can't function day-to-day; i struggle to get out of bed#the world is dirty and no matter how much i clean it doesn't get cleaner#i'm in so much fucking pain. it doesn't cease; i wake up and it's always something new. today the headache. tomorrow the stomach ache#next my back hurts almost as if a piano had fallen on it#my legs ache; my wrists writhe#the pain in my chest is unbearable; it feels as if my finger had been twisted unnaturally#dizziness overtakes me; it's hard to breathe; i can't think#the brain fog and dizziness and compulsions are killing me i think#disregard the pain for a moment; every single thing i do is interrupted by the evil voice in my head telling me that if i don't set things-#in the correct order then someone i love dearly will die a most excruciating death and it'll be my fault#how am i supposed to ignore those compulsions?#most of mine are centered around death or the vague ''something bad will happen to x person''#and my skin crawls at the smallest dirty things#and everyone in this house is so fucking dirty. no one cares to clean after themselves which leaves it to me-#and it makes me permanently filthy; my skin writhes i can FEEL the layer of disgusting filth just sitting there and no matter how much-#i wash and wash and wash- it doesn't cease. it's still there. you're still dirty; the shower isn't clean enough; the soap doesn't wash well#enough. i just want it to be over#and the stress from my life is making it worse#i need a job but i'm painfully mentally ill and i don't understand social cues and i'm fucking semi-verbal to boot#< i struggle with speaking. point blank period. no one accommodates those of us who can't or have a hard time speaking#whatever man i have GOT to kill myself. the only option i have
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ms-demeanor · 1 month
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Friends, I think we need to talk about Covid.
I want to get a few caveats out there before I start:
I am aware that there are people who need to exercise extreme caution about Covid; I live with someone who has two solid organ transplants and who is at the most immune compromised level of immune compromised. *I* have to be extremely cautious about covid.
Masking does prevent a certain level of transmission, and people who think they may have covid should mask and people who are concerned that they may be at high risk for covid should mask.
You should be vaccinated and boosted with the most recent vaccines that are available to you; covid is highly transmissible and very serious, you do not want to get covid and if you do get covid you don't want it to be severe and if you do get covid you don't want to give someone else covid and up-to-date vaccinations are the best way to reduce transmission and help to prevent severe cases of Covid.
We should be testing before going to any gatherings, and informing people if we test positive after gatherings, and testing if we suspect we have been exposed.
It is bullshit that there aren't good protections for workers who have covid; you should not be expected to go to work when you are testing positive
It is bullshit that people who are testing positive are not isolating for other reasons; if you have Covid you should not be going out and exposing other people to it even if you are experiencing mild symptoms or no symptoms.
We do need better ventilation systems for many kinds of spaces. Schools need better ventilation, restaurants need better ventilation, doctor's offices and hospitals and office buildings need better ventilation and better ventilation can reduce covid transmission.
I want to make it clear that Covid is real and there are real steps that individuals and systems can take to prevent transmission, and that there are systems that are exerting pressures that needlessly expose people to covid (the fact that you can lose your job if you don't come in when you're testing positive, mainly; also the fact that covid rapid tests should be ubiquitous and cheap/free and are not).
All of that being said: I'm seeing some posts circulating about how we're at an extremely high level of transmission and the REAL pandemic is being hidden from us and, friends, I'm pretty sure that is just incorrect and we're spreading misinformation.
I'm thinking of this video in particular, in which the claim is made that "your mystery illness is covid" in spite of negative tests. The guy in the video says that there's nothing else that millions of people could be getting a day, and that he predicted this because a wastewater spike in December meant that there was a huge spike in cases.
I've also seen people saying that deaths are where they were in 2021-2022, and that we're still at "a 9/11 a week" of excess deaths and friends, I'm not seeing great evidence for any of these claims.
I know that we (in the US, which is where the numbers I'm going to be citing are from) feel abandoned by the CDC and the fact that tracking cut off in May of 2023. But that only cut off for the federal tracking.
I live in LA county and LA county sure as shit is still tracking Covid.
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If you want a clearer picture, you can see the daily case count over time compared to the daily death count:
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Okay, you might say, but that's just LA.
Alright, so here's Detroit:
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Right, but maybe that's CDC data and you don't trust the CDC at this point.
Okay, here's fatalities in New York tracked through New York's state data collection:
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It's harder to toggle around the site for South Dakota, but you can compare their cases and hospitalizations and deaths for early 2022
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To cases and hospitalizations and deaths from early 2024
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And see that there's really no comparison.
Okay, you might say, but people are testing less. If they're testing less of course we're not seeing spikes, and they're testing less because fewer tests are available.
Alright, people are definitely testing less than they were in 2021 and 2022. Hospitalization for Covid is probably the most clear metric because you know those people have covid for sure, the couldn't not test for it.
Here are hospitalizations over time for LA:
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Here are hospitalizations over time for New York:
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As vaccination rates have gone up, cases, deaths, and hospitalizations have gone down. It IS clear that there are case spikes in the winter, when it is cold and people are indoors in poorly ventilated spaces and people are more susceptible to respiratory infections as a result of cold air weakening the protection offered by our mucous membranes, and that is something that we will have to take precautions about for the forseeable future, just as we should have always been taking similar precautions during flu season.
So I want to go point-by-point through some of the arguments made in that video because I'm seeing a bunch of people talking about how "THEY" don't want you to know about the virus surge and buds that is just straight up conspiracism.
So okay, first off, most of what that video is based on is spikes in wastewater data, not spikes in cases. This is because people don't trust CDC data on cases, but I'd say to maybe check out your regional data on cases. I don't actually trust the CDC that much, but I know people who do tracking of hospitalizations in LA county, I trust them a lot more. Wastewater data does correlate with increases in cases, but this "second largest spike of the entire pandemic" thing is misleading; wastewater reporting is pretty highly variable and you can't just accept that a large spike in covid in wastewater means that we're in just as bad a place in the pandemic as we were in 2022. We simply have not seen the surge of hospitalizations and deaths that we would expect to see in the weeks following that spike in wastewater data if wastewater data was reflective of community transmission.
The next claim is that "there is nothing else that is infecting millions of people a day" and covid isn't doing that either. The highest daily case rates were in January of 2021 and they were in the 865k a day range, which is ridiculously high but isn't millions of cases a day.
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But what we can see is that when people are tested by their doctors for Covid, RSV, and the Flu, more tests are coming back positive for the Flu. Covid causes more hospitalizations than the other two illnesses, but to be honest what the people in the video are describing - lightheadedness, dizziness, exhaustion - just sound like pretty standard symptoms of everything from covid to the cold to allergies. There are lots of things your mystery illness could be.
The video goes on to talk about the fact that people aren't testing, and why their tests may be coming back negative and I'd like to point out that the same things are all true of Flu or RSV tests. People might be getting tested too early or too late; getting a negative test for the flu isn't a good reason to assume you've got covid, getting a negative test for covid isn't a good reason to assume you've got the flu, and testing for viruses as a whole is imperfect. There are hundreds of viruses that could be the common cold; there are multiple viruses that can cause bronchitis; there are multiple viruses that can cause pneumonia, and you're not going to test for all of these things the moment you start feeling sick.
He then recommends testing for multiple days if you have symptoms and haven't had a positive test (fine) and talks about the location of the tests (less fine). Don't use your rapid tests to swab your throat or cheek unless it specifically says that they are designed to do so. Test based on the instructions in the packet.
He points out that the tests probably still pick up on the virus because they're not testing for the spike protein, they're testing for the RNA (good info!)
The video then discusses something that I think is really key to this paranoia about the "mystery illnesses" - he talks about how covid changes and weakens your immune system (a statement that should come with many caveats about severity and vulnerability and that we are still researching that) and then says that it makes you more susceptible to strep or mono and that "things that used to clear in a day or two now hit you really hard."
And that's where I think this anxiety is coming from.
Strep throat lasts anywhere from three days to a week. A cold takes about a week to clear. The flu lasts about a week and can knock you on your ass with exhaustion for weeks depending on how bad you get it. Did you get a cough with your cold? Expect that to take anywhere from three to eight weeks to clear up.
I think that people are thinking "i got a bad virus and felt really sick for a week and haven't gotten my energy back" but that just sounds like a bad cold. That sounds like a potent allergy attack. That doesn't even sound like a bad flu (I got a bad flu in 2009 and thought i was going to straight-up die I had a fever of 103+ for three days and felt like shit for three days on either side of that and took six weeks to feel more like myself again).
Getting sick sucks. It really, really sucks. But if you're getting sick and you're testing for covid and it's coming back negative after you tested a few times, it's almost certainly not covid.
The video then says "until someone provides evidence that it's not covid, it should be assumed to be covid because we have record levels of covid it's that simple" but that's not simple. We don't have record levels of covid and he hasn't proved it. We have record high levels of wastewater reports of covid, which correlates with covid cases but the spike in wastewater noted in december didn't see a spike with a corresponding magnitude of cases in terms of either hospitalizations or deaths, which is what we'd have seen if we had actual record numbers of covid.
He says that if you want to ignore this, you'll get sick with covid, and that about 30-40% of the US just got sick with covid in the last four months (which is a RIDICULOUSLY unevidenced claim).
He says that we need to create a new normal that takes covid into account, which means masking more often and testing more often and making choices about risk-avoidant behaviors.
Now, I don't disagree with that last statement, but he prefaces the statement with "it doesn't necessarily mean lockdown" and that's where I think the alarmism and paranoia is really visible here. We are so, so far away from "lockdown" type levels that it's absurd to discuss lockdown here.
What I'm seeing right now is people who are chronically ill, people who are immune compromised, and people who are experiencing long covid (which may not be distinct from other post-viral syndromes from severe cases of flu, etc, but which may be more severe or more notable because of the prevalence of covid) are talking about feeling abandoned and attacked and left behind by society because covid is still out there, and still at extremely high levels.
I am seeing people who feel abandoned and attacked because the lgbtq+ events they are attending don't require masking. I am seeing people who are claiming that it is eugenicist that their schools don't have a negative test policy anymore.
And this comes together into two really disconcerting trends that I've been observing online for a while.
The claim that the pandemic is still as bad as it's ever been and in fact may be worse but we can't know that because "they" (the CDC, the government, capitalist institutions that want you back in the office, the university industrial complex that wants your dorm room dollars) are covering up the numbers and
Significant grievance at the fact that people are acting like number one is not true and are putting you at risk either out of thoughtlessness (because they don't realize they're putting you at risk) or malice (because they don't care if the sick die).
And those things are a recipe for disaster.
I think I've pretty robustly addressed point one; I don't think that there's good evidence that there's a secretly awful surge of covid that nobody is talking about. I think that there are some people who are being alarmist about covid who are basing all of their concern on wastewater numbers that have not held up as the harbinger of a massive wave of infections.
So let's talk about point number two and JK Rowling.
Barnes and Noble is not attacking you when it puts up a Hogwarts Castle display in the lobby. Your favorite youtuber isn't trying to hurt you when they offhandedly mention Harry Potter.
If you let every mention of Harry Potter or every person who enjoys that media franchise wound you, you are going to spend a lot of your time wounded.
People are not liking Harry Potter at you.
Okay.
People are also not not wearing masks at you.
You may be part of a minority group that experiences the potential for outsized harm as a result of majority groups engaging in perfectly reasonable behaviors.
There are kind, well-meaning, sensible people who go out every day and do something that may cause you harm and it's not because they want to hurt you or they don't care about whether you live or die, it is because they are making their own risk assessments based on their own lives and making the very reasonable assumption that people who are more concerned about covid than they are will take precautions to keep themselves safe.
We are not at a place in the pandemic where it is sensible to expect people with no symptoms of illness to mask in public as a matter of course or to present evidence of a recent negative test when entering a public building in their day-to-day life.
I think now is a really good time to sit down and ask yourself how you expect things to be with covid as an endemic part of our viral ecosystem. I think now is a good time to ask yourself what risk realistically looks like for you and for people who are unlike you. I think now is a good time to consider what would feel "safe" for you and how you could accomplish feeling safe as you navigate the world.
I'm probably going to continue masking in most indoor spaces for years. Maybe forever. There are accommodations that SHOULD be afforded to people who have to take more precautions than others (remote learning, remote visits, remote work, etc.), and we should demand those kinds of accommodations.
But it is going to poison you from the inside out if you are perpetually angry that people who don't have the same medical limitations as you are happy that they get to go shopping with their faces uncovered.
So now I want to talk to you about my father in law.
My father in law had a bone marrow transplant in 2015. That's the most immune compromised you can get without having your organs swapped out.
The care sheet for him after the transplant was a little overwhelming. The list of foods he couldn't eat was intimidating and the limitations on where he could go was depressing. It cautioned against going to large events, it recommended outdoor gatherings where possible but only if he could avoid sunlight and was somewhere with no history of valley fever. It said that he should wear masks indoors any time he was someplace with poor ventilation and that he should avoid contact with anyone who had an illness of any kind, taking special note to avoid children and anyone recently vaccinated for measles.
It was, in short, pretty much what someone immune compromised would need to do to try to avoid a viral infection. Sensible. Reasonable. Wash your hands and social distance; wear masks in sensitive contexts and don't spend time in enclosed places with people who have a communicable illness.
This is what life was always going to be like for people who are severely immune compromised, and it was always going to be incumbent upon the person with the illness to figure out how to operate in a society that is not built with them in mind.
It is not the job of every parent I encounter to tell me whether their child has been vaccinated against measles or chicken pox in the last three months. That isn't something that people need to do as part of their everyday life. However it IS my responsibility to check with the parents I'm hanging out with whether their children have been vaccinated against measles or chicken pox in the last three months so I know if it's safe for my immune compromised spouse to be around them.
If you want an environment in which you feel safe from covid, at this point in the pandemic (when the virus is endemic and not spreading rapidly as far as we can see from case counts) it is your responsibility to take the steps necessary to make you feel safe. Some of those steps will involve advocating for safety improvements in public spaces (again, indoor ventilation needs to be better and I'm personally pretty extreme about vaccination requirements; these are things we should be discussing in our school board meetings and at our workplaces), some of those steps will involve advocating for worker protections, guaranteed sick time, and the right to healthcare. But some of the things you're going to need to do to feel safe are going to come down to you.
If you are concerned about communicable diseases you have to be realistic about the fact that our society doesn't go out of its way to prevent communicable diseases - norovirus among food service workers pre-pandemic is pretty clear evidence of that. You are going to have to be proactive about your safety rather than expecting the world to act like Covid is at 2021-2022 levels when it is measurably not.
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i-am-aprl · 2 months
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The world can not keep counting or counting the numbers of dead or wounded, nor the bombs, nor the amount of explosives, nor the number of crimes committed by the Nazi occupying entity.
it is not just numbers, and behind each case of these numbers there is a story for a human being like you &me
140 days of the genocidal war on Gaza:
- A 69,000 tons of explosives were dropped.
- There were 2,573 recorded massacres.
The toll stands at 36,514 killed and missing.
13,000 children were killed by zionists.
8,800 women were killed by zionists.
387 medical crews were killed by zionists.
130 journalists were martyred
11,000 individuals are critically injured, necessitating urgent medical evacuation abroad.
350,000 individuals with chronic illnesses are in dire need of immediate medical attention.
60,000 pregnant women are facing risks due to inadequate healthcare facilities.
360,000 housing units have been fully destroyed and rendered uninhabitable.
A 2,000,000 individuals have been displaced, suffering from hunger and disease.
This can be expressed as:
The explosive force unleashed in Gaza is 4.6 times more powerful than the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima.
The total number of deaths in Gaza is approximately 42% of the daily death toll during the Auschwitz Holocaust.
The number of children killed in Gaza is about 71% of the daily child death toll during the Auschwitz Holocaust.
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theculturedmarxist · 1 year
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In photos of 2023’s World Economic Forum- or Davos as it is commonly called, after the Swiss resort town where it annually occurs- you might not notice the HEPA filters. They’re in the background, unobtrusive and unremarked upon, quietly cleansing the air of viruses and bacteria. You wouldn’t know- not unless you asked- that every attendee was PCR tested before entering the forum, or that in the case of a positive test, access was automatically, electronically, revoked. And if you happened to get a glimpse of the strange blue lights overhead, you could reasonably assume that their glow was simply a modern aesthetic choice, not the calming buzz of cutting edge Far UVC technology- demonstrated to kill microbes in the air.
It’s hard to square this information with the public narrative about COVID, isn’t it? President Biden has called the pandemic “over”. The New York Times recently claimed that “the risk of Covid is similar to that of the flu” in an article about “hold outs” that are annoyingly refusing to accept continual reinfection as their “new normal”. Yet, this week the richest people in the world are taking common sense, easy- but strict- precautions to ensure they don’t catch Covid-19 at Davos.
These common sense, easy precautions include high-quality ventiliation, use of Far UVC-lighting technology, and PCR testing. You’ll also see some masks at Davos, but generally, the testing + air filtration protocol seems to be effective at preventing the kind of super-spreader events most of us are now accustomed to attending.
It seems unlikely to me that a New York Times reporter will follow the super-rich around like David Attenborough on safari, the way one of their employees did when they profiled middle-class maskers last month. I doubt they will write “family members and friends can get a little exasperated by the hyper-concern” about the assembled Prime Ministers, Presidents and CEOs in Switzerland. After all, these are important people. The kind of people who merit high-quality ventilation. The kind of people who deserve accurate tests.
Why is the media so hellbent on portraying simple, scientifically proven measures like high-quality ventilation as ridiculous and unnecessary as hundreds of people continue to die daily here in the US?
Why is the public accepting a “new normal” where we are expected to get infected over and over and over again, at work events with zero precautions, on airplanes with no masks, and at social dinners trying to approximate our 2019 normal?
We deserve better. We deserve to be #DavosSafe as the hashtag going around on twitter puts it. Your children deserve to be treated with the care that world leaders are treating each other. Your family deserves to be protected from the disease which is still- unlike the flu- the third leading cause of death in the US. We don’t deserve to be shoved back into poorly ventilated workplaces while our politicians and press assure us that only crazy people would demand to breathe clean air.
Clean water and clean food are rights we fought for; we have regulatory bodies that ensure we aren’t exposed to pathogens via our water supply nor our food. In 1854, John Snow famously conducted his Broad Street Pump study in London and demonstrated that cholera was water-bourne; however, it took decades for our public policy to catch up with our scientific knowledge.
A public health case study published by the NBCI describes the years that followed:
The first use of chlorine as a disinfectant for water facilities was in 1897 in England. The first use of this method for municipal water facilities in the United States was in Jersey City, New Jersey, and Chicago, Illinois, in 1915. Other cities followed and the use of chlorination as standard treatment for water disinfection rapidly grew. During the 20th century, death rates from waterborne diseases decreased significantly, and although other additional factors contributed to the general improvements in health (such as sanitation, improved quality of life, and nutrition), the improvement of water quality was, without doubt, a major reason.
Forty-three years passed from the initial demonstration that pathogens were being spread via water, and public action and regulation to halt disease.
Can you imagine, in the 1890s, being somebody who argued against cleaning the water?
Can you imagine, in those years of plentiful cholera, calling the people who demanded shit-free water “hold outs”?
One thing COVID realists are accused of is being “doomsayers” and “fearmongers,” so let me share a dose of optimism about the future with you. When we choose- whenever we choose- to get COVID under control, there’s an exciting new world awaiting us. One, not only without constant COVID reinfection, but where our kids can grow up free of colds, flus, RSV, and many other common bugs. And no, contrary to what you may have heard, staying healthy (shockingly enough) is not bad for children!
Once we choose to institute ventilation standards and introduce new technologies like Far UVC lighting- and embrace masking as an easy, kind, and useful tool to control outbreaks- we can bring every nasty airborne pathogen under control the way we did cholera. We didn’t have the science before; now we do. (I mean that quite literally; I can’t recommend enough the linked Wired article cataloguing the long journey to establishing that Covid is, indeed, airborne).
We face a stark choice; down one road, the one with zero infrastructure upgrades, no air quality regulations, and Covid safety only for those who can afford it, you and your family will get Covid this year. You will get Covid next year. You will continue to get Covid over and over and over again, as the health problems - like cardiac damage, viral persistance, and immune system dysfunction- continue to build up. (The billionaires, of course, will not).
Down the other road, we quite simply treat ourselves the way Davos would. We engage with what the science is telling us and we build a safer, better world for our kids. We embrace the lessons this pandemic is teaching us, and let go of things we now know are harming people. We stop clinging desperately to the idea that 2019 will come back if we just get the virus one more time, and we come together to achieve what we’ve been told is impossible: elimination.
The economic elite thrive on our divisiveness and blame casting. They don’t mind that we’re calling each other names, engaging in racial stereotyping, or leaving disabled people to die, so long as we keep their machine running. But we can choose to stop throwing blame at each other, and direct it where it belongs: at the powerful people who’ve left us to suffer, at the politicians who are whipping people into a frenzy over masks instead of over our millions of dead, at the talking heads on TV that work so hard to convince us: you want to get sick. It’s better than being a *weirdo* or a *hold out*.
We needn’t wait 43 years to redirect our energies. France and Belgium have already introduced new air quality standards, and DIY projects to build Corsi-Rosenthal boxes for schools and healthcare settings have popped up around the country. We have the science, we have the technology. All we need now is the political will and the solidarity to truly end the pandemic- the kind of solidarity the super rich always show with one another.
The billionaires at Davos don’t accept continual Covid reinfection. They demand better. It’s time we demand better too.
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untexting · 4 months
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We Are No Strangers to Human Suffering, but We’ve Seen Nothing Like the Siege of Gaza
Dec. 11, 2023 | Source: New York Times Op-ed
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By Michelle Nunn (CARE USA), Tjada D’Oyen McKenna (Mercy Corps), Jan Egeland (Norwegian Refugee Council), Abby Maxman (Oxfam America), Jeremy Konyndyk (Refugees International), and Janti Soeripto (Save the Children U.S.)
We are no strangers to human suffering — to conflict, to natural disasters, to some of the world’s largest and gravest catastrophes. We were there when fighting erupted in Khartoum, Sudan. As bombs rained down on Ukraine. When earthquakes leveled southern Turkey and northern Syria. As the Horn of Africa faced its worst drought in years. The list goes on.
But as the leaders of some of the world’s largest global humanitarian organizations, we have seen nothing like the siege of Gaza. In the more than two months since the horrifying attack on Israel that killed more than 1,200 people and resulted in some 240 abductions, about 18,000 Gazans — including more than 7,500 children — have been killed, according to the Gazan health ministry. More children have been reported killed in this conflict than in all major global conflicts combined last year.
The atrocities committed by Hamas on Oct. 7 were unconscionable and depraved, and the taking and holding of hostages is abhorrent. The calls for their release are urgent and justified. But the right to self-defense does not and cannot require unleashing this humanitarian nightmare on millions of civilians. It is not a path to accountability, healing or peace. In no other war we can think of in this century have civilians been so trapped, without any avenue or option to escape to save themselves and their children.
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Most of our organizations have been operating in Gaza for decades. But we can do nothing remotely adequate to address the level of suffering there without an immediate and complete cease-fire and an end to the siege. The aerial bombardments have rendered our jobs impossible. The withholding of water, fuel, food and other basic goods has created an enormous scale of need that aid alone cannot offset.
Global leaders — and especially the United States government — must understand that we cannot save lives under these conditions. A significant change in approach from the U.S. government is needed today to pull Gaza back from this abyss.
For a start, the Biden administration must stop its diplomatic interference at the United Nations, blocking calls for a cease-fire.
Since the pause in fighting ended, we are again witnessing an exceptionally high level of bombardment, and at increasing ferocity. The few areas left in Gaza that are untouched by bombardment are shrinking by the hour, forcing more and more civilians to seek safety that does not exist. Over 80 percent of 2.3 million Gazans are now displaced. The newest Israeli offensive is now forcing them to cluster on a tiny sliver of land.
The bombardment is not the only thing brutally cutting lives short. The siege of — and blockades surrounding — Gaza have led to a critical food scarcity, cutoffs of medical supplies and electricity, and a lack of clean water. There is barely any medical care to be found in the enclave and few medications. Surgeons are working by the light of their mobile phones, without anesthetics. They are using dishcloths as bandages. The risk of waves of waterborne and infectious disease will only grow in the increasingly overcrowded living conditions of the displaced.
One of our colleagues in Gaza recently described their struggle to feed an orphaned infant who had been rescued from the rubble of an airstrike. The baby had not eaten for days after her mother’s death. Colleagues could only scrounge up powdered milk — not formula, not breast milk, and not a nutritionally suitable infant food — to help stave off her starvation.
Before the war, hundreds of truckloads of aid were needed each day to support Gazans’ daily existence. Only a trickle of that required aid has made it into Gaza in the two months since the war began. But even if more were allowed in, our work in Gaza is dependent on ensuring our teams can move safely to set up warehouses, shelters, health clinics, schools, and water, sanitation and hygiene infrastructure.
Today our staff members are not safe. They tell us they’re making the daily choice of staying with their families in one place so that they can die together or go out to seek water and food.
Among leaders in Washington, there is constant talk about preparing for the “day after.” But if this relentless bombardment and siege continue, there will be no “day after” for Gaza. It will be too late. Hundreds of thousands of lives hang in the balance today.
So far, American diplomacy in this war has not delivered on the goals President Biden has conveyed: protection of innocent civilians, adherence to humanitarian law, more aid delivery. To stop Gaza’s apocalyptic free fall, the Biden administration must take tangible measures, as it does in other conflicts, to up the ante with all parties to the conflict and bordering countries.
Secretary of State Antony Blinken once said of the war in Ukraine that the targeting of heat, water and electricity was a “brutalization of Ukraine’s people” and “barbaric.” The Biden administration should acknowledge that the same holds true in Gaza. While it has announced measures to deter violence against Palestinian civilians in the West Bank, Mr. Blinken and his colleagues should apply similar pressure to stop violence against civilians in Gaza, too.
The harrowing events unfolding before us are shaping a global narrative that, if unchanged, will reveal a legacy of indifference in the face of unspeakable suffering, bias in the application of the laws of conflict and impunity for actors that violate international humanitarian law.
The U.S. government must act now — and fight for humanity.
Ms. Nunn is the president and chief executive of CARE USA. Ms. McKenna is the chief executive of Mercy Corps. Mr. Egeland is the secretary general of the Norwegian Refugee Council. Ms. Maxman is the president and chief executive of Oxfam America. Mr. Konyndyk is the president of Refugees International. Ms. Soeripto is the president and chief executive of Save the Children U.S.
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crucialplayer · 9 months
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Thoughts on moon placements
!! everything is based purely on my experiences with signs, written with no other purpose than to share my observations and be unserious.
Aries moon. Will ask you a question and leave midway through u answering it just cuz little men in their head pushed a new button on the emotions console, inside out style. If they feel some type of way be sure everyone in the room will also feel it. Great at destroying social harmony. 
Taurus moon. Brick wall banging against which you risk irrevocably damaging ur head. Usually deal with stress or any negative emotions by falling asleep. Insanely bad at moving on from anything.
Gemini moon. Find an outlet for your thoughts and ideas and it better not be that one poor friend that is too nice to stop your rambling. Anxiety ride from the moment they wake up till the moment they fall asleep if they actually manage to. Never have a firm stance on anything. 
Cancer moon. If they feel sad they can suck the life out of the air. Feel a lot and usually stop at that. Somehow kinda bad at reflecting. Some of them could really benefit from rationalizing their emotions. Like to reminisce a lot. 
Leo moon. Every day is a Miss Universe contest. Don't understand the concept of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Live life like they’re being filmed for a biopic about them. Get offended easily. Having too many ego deaths on a daily basis bless them. 
Virgo moon. Invented anxiety and hating things. Genuinely think they are smarter than everybody but like to ignore the fact that they’ve been stuck in the loop of the same problems for a couple of years. VEry unstable self-esteem. 
Libra moon. Appear very carefree to the point of care actually not existing in their world I think. Like cute things and cute feelings. Dislike ugly things and ugly feelings. Shine best when surrounded by people and are needed by someone. 
Scorpio moon. If mood swings were a moon placement it’d be this one. Cutting ur hair at 3 am moon. Everything is profound and deeply personal. Identity crisis during a bus ride home. Being nonchalant is a hoax. 
Sagittarius moon. 3 minute emotional life cycle. Consider feeling down a random virus they caught somewhere and not a genuine state of being. Cure themself to the natural optimistic disposition by blowing up to someone’s face and proceeding to go with their day unbothered.   
Capricorn moon. Incapable of giving approval or being positive about anything. See three steps forward except only for the situations going wrong. Hence dissociate when they’re supposed to feel happy. The soul leaves their body when entrapped by loud people. 
Aquarius moon. Have ideas about feelings. When exposed to simple emotional stimuli fall into a theoretical spiral. Like to look for the signs and parallels. Without a social circle are like fish without water. 
Pisces moon. Kid lost in the mall vibe. Dreamed a more exciting life and are living it. Need alone time to survive but also kinda hate it?? Always care, would lose at the speed of light in the idgaf war. Do art please. 
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sgtgarricks · 2 months
Text
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ i want your hands on me for all my life
simon riley x afab!reader cw: nsfw, angst, happy ending, mentions of simon's abusive past, talks about death, mentions of soap's death, fingering, oral sex (f!receiving), unprotected piv sex, creampie!!, simon lets himself be happy yay
reblogs are immensely appreciated! <3
PREVIOUS PART: your gentle hands are enough
notes: this is the 2nd part for the people that want a happy ending :) this turned out sooo long LMFAO if you want to be sad just pretend this doesn't exist and read the other one! your feedback & comments help <3
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Simon had always excelled at compartmentalizing his emotions ever since he was a child.
Growing up with an abusive father and an older brother who has hell-bent on scaring him had forced him to develop self-preservation tactics in order to survive their torment. Dissociating was a daily occurrence in his childhood years — it helped Simon escape the pain and torment that was being inflicted on his body.
Being in the military has not been that different.
He was still dissociating, but he was no longer on the receiving end of thrown punches and insults. He was now the perpetrator inflicting agony on his enemies for the good of the world. To rid the world of filth.
Simon Riley had become the ultimate soldier — lethal, swift, quiet, and was immune to the horrors of war, which was no surprise considering he had spent most of his childhood learning to lock away all the negative emotions. The ability had become innate, bleeding into his daily life and in turn, his relationships.
When Simon walked out the door, he had left all the hurt and sadness in the apartment with you. He trusted you'd keep a part of him safe until he came back and even if he didn't.
Simon had whole-heartedly accepted the risk that comes with the job, fully prepared to lay his life down if it meant a better world than yesterday. In fact, Simon knew death more intimately more than anyone. He'd knocked on death's door multiple times but always seemed to come out alive.
It was easy for him to not think of you. The anxious voice inside his head becomes static as he engrossed himself in the mission. The hard part comes when the dust has settled — when all that remain are cold corpses and bullet casings.
Sitting in the helicopter all bloodied accompanied by the sound of whirring blades wasn't usually bad. It would give him time to sit down and process his emotions. It let him feel the slight guilt that never goes away when taking a life — no matter how rotten.
But with each mission he went on after his abrupt departure, he finds himself constantly ruminating his entire reason for not wanting to get into a relationship with you.
Simon had wanted you to move on from him when he died, eventually. Forget the bruised and battered soldier and find someone whole, someone who could be there for you and love you without causing you anxiety every time their phone rang.
He thought himself selfless for trying to spare you, but his entire reason collapses with every mission he comes back alive.
What was his excuse now? What was he protecting you from?
The voices slink back into his mind the moment he gains a moment of peace. Whispers planting seeds of doubt in his mind, feeding on his insecurity and his fears. They're ruthless and persistent.
You don't deserve them. They're too good for you. You're going to leave them one day anyway, why bother?
He feels a tightness in his chest, as if a phantom hand was squeezing his heart that sends pulses of pain through him. His hand shakes slightly, fingers moving absent-mindedly trying to remember the feel of your skin.
"You alright, Lieutenant?" His captain's voice breaks him out of his trance. Simon is slightly startled but doesn't let it show. He merely grunts.
"'M alright."
Silence engulfs them once more. It goes one for one, two, maybe three minutes. It's suffocating. Simon can read people well enough by now that he knows there are questions lingering in the back of John Price's mind.
A part of Simon wishes he'd just spit it out, but the thought of having to explain seemed worse. Instead, Simon settles with a silent huff as the helicopter continues on its designated course.
The second the helicopter landed, Price simply nods at him, trusting him to get his shit together and walks off to his office. Simon does his usual routine, though instead of rushing through the motions, he's intentionally prolonging each action.
Whereas normally he couldn't get out of this place faster, now he almost dreaded the moment he would have to leave. Staying at the base meant monotonous, dull, predictable tasks. Leaving means he has to choose where to go — he has to actively force himself to not drive straight to your apartment despite the fact that every fiber in his being longs to be close to you.
He feels sick, a kind of illness spreading inside of him that only ever felt better when you were around him. A dull ache inside his body that only lights up when you touch him.
He runs a hand to his now damp hair, content with sitting on a sofa in the rec room. Normally, the place would be bustling with recruits goofing around with each other. But one glance at the broodier-than-normal look on the lieutenant's face had created a force field that pushed away everyone as to not get caught in its storm.
Simon doesn't know how long he sits there, half of him trying to convince himself to not come to you. That you don't deserve the broken man with a penchant for violence.
Chuckling lowly to himself, he shakes his head. What kind of demented higher power decided someone as kind as you be plucked and dropped into his sights?
Fifteen minutes went by as he pities himself in the rec room before a shadow in his peripheral vision causes him to look up.
"L.T.," Kyle nods towards him, leaning on the doorframe.
"Garrick." Simon grunts dismissively, not saying anything more. He hops the sergeant will take the hint on his own and leave the miserable bastard to his own devices.
Kyle worries for Simon. The brooding giant seems more miserable than usual — not more than after the incident, but still. Typically, he wouldn't even be able to catch a glimpse of his lieutenant after coming back from deployment. He'd usually opt to disappear from the base in record time.
The fact that he's here now, instead of wherever he usually hangs around, is slightly concerning.
"You alright, L.T.?"
Simon turns to him, slightly annoyed. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? Yes, I'm alright." He huffs. Kyle merely shrugs, unbothered by the icy gaze directed at him.
"Well, seeing as you haven't fucked off from the base yet and it's been," Kyle checks his phone for the time, "Around an hour? I'd wager something is wrong."
Sometimes Simon hated how observant Gaz was. Kyle's always been attentive, even more so now without Johnny's presence. It wasn't a secret that Johnny had been the lieutenant's shadow — always lingering near him, cracking jokes and pulling his leg.
His absence had naturally left a gaping void in Simon, oozing all the pain and hurt that comes with losing a comrade. Simon isn't naive, he knows death comes as a package with being in the battlefield. He's seen his fellow soldiers die, held them as they bled out. It was why he tended to keep to himself. After all, the less people you know, the less funerals you have to go to.
This worked most of the time, anyone who got close to Simon would get his arctic stare and cower off — most of the time anyway. Johnny was a different case. Johnny was a little bit of a nutcase to be honest. A talented, bright, pyromaniac, the youngest ever to pass SAS selection, with an arsenal of jokes in his pockets. The blue-eyed Scotsman got along quickly with Kyle, bantering with each other easily as if they had been long-lost friends.
While Johnny still had reservations about dicking around with the captain, he didn't seem to have the same problem with Simon. Seemingly happy to chatter off in his ear about anything, whether it was about shitty food, a lady he picked up from a bar, or jabs directed at Simon.
Johnny's bright disposition put Simon on edge. He wasn't used to seeing someone not be terrified of him. No matter how many glares he sent him, the bugger wouldn't leave him alone. Johnny would continue to go out of his way to talk to Simon, to sit next to him during lunch, and sometimes, Johnny would even manage to get Simon to open up just a little.
"What's on yer mind, L.T.?" Johnny nudged Simon with his elbow. The two men were both sat at the bar, the TV playing an old recording of a football match. It had taken Johnny ten minutes to convince Simon to go out for drinks and he planned on taking full advantage of it.
Johnny had been talking non-stop for around five minutes about his sister who had just gotten married, waiting for a reaction from Simon who seemed distracted. His eyes had strayed to the other side of the bar a few times, barely noticeable to the untrained eye, but Johnny was anything but.
"Nothin'." Simon had grunted, tearing his gaze away. A giant smirk plastered itself onto Johnny's face.
"Ah, been starin' at the sad one across the bar, aye?" Seeing Simon's eye widen a little had made Johnny even more gleeful. "Go on then. Ye have my full permission to ditch me tonight." He teased, winking at his lieutenant.
"Don't know what you're talking about, Johnny." Simon had denied instantly, taking a sip of his drink. A normal person would have left it at that, but Johnny wasn't your average person. He loved starting fires and Simon was a flame he wanted to see lit.
"Ach, come on L.T. what's the harm, eh? A little bit of flirting never hurt anyone." Simon didn't know this but Johnny wasn't going to let this go. It was the first time Johnny had ever seen Simon show interest in someone and he'd do anything to get Simon to at the very least, talk to them.
"They're a civvy, Johnny. Not gonna take any chances." Simon shook his head adamantly.
"That's bollocks! All we do is take risks anyway, at least on this one the worst that could happen is getting a drink thrown in yer face." Johnny chuckles, peering at the person across the bar who was clearly nursing a broken heart. Simon still made no move to get up from his chair.
Praying to whatever God was listening, Johnny hoped Simon wouldn't kill him after what he was going to do. Calling over the bartender, Johnny slid the man a fifty.
"Mate, give 'em a refill yeah? Tell 'em it's from the big bloke over here." Johnny signaled the bartender. Simon, who had finally processed what Johnny was doing, couldn't even get a word in. The bartender hastily took the money and went back to his station, ignoring Simon's call.
Simon could only watch in despair as the bartender presented the drink and pointed towards Simon. He received a shy smile, a mouthed 'thank you', and an expectant look.
"Now you've got to go there, mate. Otherwise you'll look like an arsehole!" Johnny threw his arms up, grinning triumphantly. The sergeant crossed his arms and wiggled his eyebrows.
Simon could've easily ignored Johnny and went back to his drink. But a part of him couldn't deny that he wanted to go over there and maybe talk to someone else that wasn't Scottish for a change. Against his usual logic, Simon decided to stand up from his chair.
"You're an arsehole." A glare was sent Johnny's way, although it had no weight behind them. As Simon began to walk away, he could hear Johnny laughing loudly.
"Yer welcome!"
Simon had never told Johnny you were the person who had been texting him during deployment, but he knew deep down that Johnny already knew. He'd asked multiple times, even tried sneaking a look.
He simply didn't want to admit that Johnny forcing him to talk to you that day had shifted Simon's world. He wished he told Johnny.
"We all miss him, L.T." Kyle's soft voice spoke again. He's closer now, dragging a chair from a table and sitting in front of Simon. Kyle knew he could never fill the giant void that Johnny left, but he felt a sense of responsibility to at least try. Price had become more closed off after his death whereas Simon had slowly been unraveling, little stitches coming loose a day at a time.
"All we can do is make sure it's not in vain." Simon sighs, hearing Kyle's words, knows he's right. That he can't go back to expecting the worst all the time, constantly on edge.
Johnny had breathed life into his ghostly presence, bringing Simon back into the realm of the living. The more Johnny got out of the lieutenant, the more people were able to see that Simon wasn't merely a visage, a ghost roaming the hallway. That he was a real person.
He was throwing away his chance at a second life. Perhaps it was also a twisted way of Simon punishing himself. If he couldn't save Johnny, couldn't save the man who managed to get him to talk to you, then he didn't deserve you. It was a round-about way of him trying to mend off the guilt eating away at him that had inadvertently claimed another victim.
"Thank you, sergeant." Simon stood up. Clapping his hand on Kyle's shoulder.
I see you.
"Don't mention it, sir."
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The drive to your house takes around twenty minutes, which means that's all the time Simon has to try and figure out a way to atone for his sins.
They're too gracious to even hold a grudge against you. A small part of Simon tells him. While he hopes that's true, he still wants to apologize and acknowledge how unfair he's been to you. If not to make you feel better, at the very least it will ease his conscience.
He drums his finger on the steering wheel, the radio turned on but on low volume. For once, Simon wishes he had Johnny's ability to get out of problems with his alluring words and his kicked-puppy look.
Lost in his own thoughts, he hadn't even realized he's been sitting in his parked car for a few minutes. He clasps his hands when he realizes they're shaking. God, he was so terrified. Not of you, no. He was scared of having to see what he's done to you. Is terrified of really seeing the carnage Simon Riley had tore in you.
He lets out a bated breath and opens the car door. He knows you're home by now, probably cooking away while listening to some indie band. Resting his head on your door, he braces himself once more, and knocks.
He waits, the seconds feeling like hours. The door swings open and he sees your surprised face.
"Simon." You compose yourself immediately, not wanting to show any sort of weakness in front of him. Something twitches on the corners of his mouth hidden by the balaclava. As if realizing he's still wearing it, he takes it off.
"Can I come in?" He asks timidly, as if approaching a wounded animal. He had no idea how you'd react after him being gone for so long. Even during his three month deployments, he'd sometimes text you once every fortnight. But after the way he left things, he couldn't bring himself to message you at all. Couldn't even stomach the thought of you still pining over him after what he had done. It was easier for him to simply block your number. Photos of sunsets and coffee cups gathering dust in his photo album, unsent.
You didn't even think about it, your body unconsciously moving sideways to let him in. A part of you screams at yourself.
Idiot, show some dignity.
It had been so easy for you to let the man who had left you for six months without a word back into your apartment, into your life.
You felt like an addict. Constantly begging for your next fix and taking whatever scraps are thrown your way. It's pitiful, but you're too far gone, anyway. His dirty boots make contact with your hardwood floor, leaving small specks of mud on them. Simon notices the frown marring your face and begins to unlace his boots.
"Sorry." He apologizes, neatly tucking away his muddy boots at the side of your door. You close the door behind him, making your way towards your kitchen. The plate clatters loudly in the sink as you haphazardly put them away, clearly rattled.
Simon coughs slightly, words stuck in his throat. He'd prepared a small speech earlier yet all the words seem to escape him. All the courage he had mustered for his little speech all had but disappeared into thin air. He feels out of his depths, not used to being vulnerable.
"What are you doing here, Simon?" Your voice sounds so tired. He supposes he was to blame for that.
"Can we talk?" He sends you a pleading look, hoping you still felt a sliver of the love you used to harbor for him — the only thing stopping you from kicking him out.
"Oh, so after blocking me and radio silence for six months you've decided you want to talk?" The bitterness seeps into your words like venom. He can't even make himself physically recoil from the sharp edge of your tone. Simon can feel the thin rope right beneath his feet, one wrong step and he'd be falling off the edge.
He takes a deep breath. "I deserve that."
"Oh, you deserve more than that Simon Riley. I should kick you out right now." You were huffing now, going slightly red in the face. Had he not been so anxious he might've thought you look cute. But right now? He was downright terrified.
"Just-" Simon pinches his nose bridge, calming himself down. "Let me speak for a moment, yeah? After that if you want me to leave, I'll leave." He holds both his hands up.
You were livid, rightfully so. The man you love had essentially decided he didn't want to communicate with you anymore, breaking your heart. The first week you thought maybe something had happened to his phone, broken it maybe?
As the weeks turned into months, the realization dawned on you that he had purposefully blocked you, cut off all contact. At first there was only sadness. You spent your days crying into your blanket, some days barely functioning. The hurt and betrayal had emotionally drained you. Did all those years mean nothing to him?
You knew he had a hard time expressing his emotions, but never in your wildest dreams did you think he would throw you away just like that. Like you were nothing more to him than a good fuck. Despite your head telling you otherwise, the emotional baggage he had left you with didn't leave much option.
It was easier to hate him than to accept maybe he didn't love you at all.
You spent the first few months cursing into the wind hoping it'd somehow hurt him a fraction of how much he hurt you. Afterwards, the pain became a lingering , dull ache, but not debilitating anymore. It became a constant that you carry everyday.
Kicking him out the door was tempting, but you knew it wouldn't do you any good. If anything, the words left unsaid would become a leech — slowly draining away your curiosity until you eventually leave another voicemail.
You give him a pointed stare before sitting down on the couch. Simon slowly approached you, wanting nothing more than to sit next to you but choosing to sink into the other side of the couch. He sees you cross your arms, feeling more uncomfortable by the second.
"I jus' wanna say that I'm sorry." He stares into your eyes, slouched with elbows on his thighs. Seeing your mouth thin into a line, Simon knows he's going to have to do a lot better.
"When Johnny died..." Your eyes widen, arms slacking slightly. He'd talk about Johnny sometimes but sometime ago had entirely stopped mentioning his name altogether. You had suspected something terrible had happened but you didn't want to believe it.
"I was so angry. It's not fair. He was so young, had his whole future ahead of him. Told me he was gonna see his sister's newborn on his next leave." He breathes out, clenching his fists.
"All of that, gone. We haven't even caught the bastard yet." Simon runs an exasperated hand through his face. Your arms were no longer crossed, choosing to fiddle with the edge of your shirt. You wanted to comfort him so badly, wanted to take him into your arms and tell him everything's going to be okay. But he was still pouring his heart out and you wanted to greedily snatch every piece he was willing to give.
"I had constant nightmares for months. Sometimes, I still do. You're just a heavy sleeper, I suppose." He chuckles and catches the way the edge of your mouth turn up.
"It's never easy, losing someone. It changes you. I used to hear his nonsense almost everyday and now it's just not there. I'm terrified one day it'll be like he was never there at all." Simon looks away, blinking tears away.
"But he was there. I know that. I felt him. He was like the fucking sun, but instead of being 150 million kilometers away, he's next to my ear with his Scottish nonsense." Simon chuckles bitterly, reminiscing the times when Johnny had to translate his gibberish.
You stay quiet, letting him speak freely. You had a feeling where this was going and how Johnny's death had indirectly impacted your relationship.
"If I died tomorrow, would you be okay?" His question catches you off guard. It was a question you've pondered a thousand times before, and every time you only ever came up with one answer.
"No." You answer honestly, because you'd break either way. Whether it was tomorrow or a year from now. You can feel a part of Simon in your bloodstream that if he died, some part of you would die with him.
"I only ever wanted you to be okay." He straightens, testing the waters by moving closer to you. You let him.
"Would you prefer if I never loved you at all?" Your heart was thumping loudly in your chest you worried he could hear it.
"No." His answer was immediate, as if he'd never been as sure before. "Not selfless enough for that."
"Then are you selfless enough to accept that I would want it to hurt?" You put your hand on top of his, gently grasping them within yours. Simon feels the broken pieces of him mending together.
He's quiet, not sure how to respond. He didn't use to understand why people would put themselves on the line, but he's starting to.
"If you died, I'd want it to hurt. I'd want it to take my breath away. I'd want it to keep me awake at night. I'd want every single bone in my body to ache when you're gone, because that would mean I have loved you with all of me."
You don't realize you'd started crying. There was no distance anymore between you and Simon. His thigh pressed against yours as you clutch his hand to your chest.
"I want it to hurt so badly, because I want to love you deeply." Tears were streaming freely down your face you couldn't even stop them even if you wanted to.
"Simon, will you let me hurt for you?"
And he lets you.
"Okay." His hand go to engulf your frame, but you had thrown yourself at him before he managed to. Simon can feel his shirt getting wet, he'd never thought he'd be slightly happy over the fact that you were crying.
Everything's going to be okay.
Your head was now on his collarbone, his palm gently holding you there. You feel a kiss on the top of your head as he strokes it.
Neither of you know how long you simply cried on him, much less when you ended up on his lap. When he heard you stop — tired from the energy you exerted, he slowly rearranges his body so that you are able to lie fully on top of him. His sore back is the last thing on his mind as he sees your peacefully sleeping away.
A pounding headache eventually woke you. You weren't sure if last night really happened or if your mind had conjured a scenario where Simon came back for you. However, the sweltering heat you feel on your midsection proves otherwise.
He really was here.
His eyes were closed, seeming to be asleep. You test the waters, placing your palm on the left side of his face. A hand immediately darts towards your hand and keeps it there.
"Put some pills on your nightstand for the headache." He murmurs, eyes still closed. His face turns slightly, placing a kiss on your palm. Even after half a year away, he still knows you like the back of his hand.
Leaning in, you give him a peck on the cheek. As much as you want to drink in the sight of him, there were more pressing matters at hand. You need the reassurance. You need him to tell you he wasn't going to abandon you again.
"Simon, did you mean it?" You can't get the entire words out, can only hope it was enough to convey your tumultuous emotions. His heart aches that you don't believe him, but he understands.
"I love you, sweetheart." Soft lips descend upon your own, barely brushing.
"'M here to stay as long as you want me here." He sneaks a hand under you, pulling you closer to him. There isn't any part of you that's not connected to him in some way.
He was so warm, scorching you inside out. You wanted his flame to burn every inch of your skin. When he left, everything felt cold to the bone, your life turning into muted blues and grays.
Simon brought warmth into your life, with his little acts of service. With the little trinkets he brings back after deployment because it reminded him of you. With his gentle hands, gentle kisses — his gentle self.
"I love you, Si." You whisper, grabbing him by the neck and lowering your lips onto his. Brushing softly, you were going to pull away when Simon lets out a moan. Heat builds inside of you as you slip your tongue inside his open mouth. He grunts in surprise, holding you still for a second. But you're impatient.
"Need you." You whine, "Want you so much, Si."
"Yeah?" He mumbles against your lips, running his hands through your hair gently.
"Thought I'd be in the dog house much longer than that, love." He teases you. Simon yelps slightly when you retaliate by biting on his lower lip. He grips both your cheeks with his fingers, pushing you away from him.
"That wasn't very nice of you, hmm?" He gently shakes your head, grinning handsomely. "Think you need a little lesson in being nice, sweetheart. Lucky for you, I'm an excellent teacher." He leans in and kisses your puckered lips, working his way downwards.
His hands wander everywhere, working themselves underneath your shirt. You feel goosebumps rise where his fingertips lay, shivering under his hold.
"Missed you so much, Si. Please." Your moans echo throughout the room. He's holding your thighs together as he trails down your body as you writhe.
"Missed you too, love. Fuck, missed you so fucking much." He manages to say. He cups your ass as he mouths at your panty-covered mound. Your juices seep through the fabric, making Simon groan.
"Mmm.. Someone missed me too." He runs his tongue up and down your slit as you cross both your legs behind his neck. He felt you clench your thighs and he feels blood rushing downwards. Turning his head slightly to the right, he nips lightly at your inner thigh.
He'd barely touched you but here you are already begging for it. Simon Riley has you wrapped around his finger and it scares you a little how much of a hold he has on you. You had bared your neck so openly for him and he had bit down the first chance he got.
"Will you let me take care of you, love? Make you feel good." He hums, fingers trailing along your inner thigh waiting for permission. You nod fervently before realizing he can't see you.
"Yes, yes, yes. Need you to take care of me, Si." Your heart was beating fast out of anticipation.
"Yeah? I'll make you feel good, baby." He coos at you as his fingers slowly pull down your panties. Strings of your juices were sticking to the insides. He threw them aimlessly, eyes zeroed in on your wet pussy.
His finger runs through your folds, making squelching noises. "All this for me, hmm?" He tilts his head up, pinching when you don't reply immediately. The sudden sensation makes you whimper.
"All for you, Si. Just for you." You were panting heavily as Simon sucks your clit into his mouth and licks in a circular motion. You thread your fingers in his hair, not tugging harshly.
Simon laps at your pussy like a starved man, burying his entire face in your warmth. He moans between every few licks, the taste of you dazing him. Your eyes glaze over as you see the man you love pleasuring you with earnest. He continues for a while, alternating his focus between your bud and your folds.
When you tug at his shirt impatiently, Simon grunts. He gets up and throws his shirt over his head. Not one second after it's off, you begin to paw at him, desperate to feel every inch of him.
Simon thinks he's never seen such a beautiful sight. Your hair was messy from your movements, eyes hazy as he can feel goosebumps on his body where you stare. He grabs your face and kisses you desperately, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth. His clothed bulge was grinding messily against your wet pussy as his boxers begin to darken from the wetness.
Simon's whimper fill the room when he feels you grinding upwards to rub yourself on his cock. He pulls from your lips with a string of saliva. Not waiting for him, you scramble to take off your shirt, baring your tits to him.
His eyes drink in the state of you greedily, one hand groping your tits as the other travels down to your pussy. You were beyond wet enough for his cock, but he's determined to make you cum on his fingers first.
Two fingers slip into you gently. The stretch catches you off guard, it's been a while since you've had his thick fingers probing inside you. His fingers were thrusting shallowly as you grind on his palm.
"Fuck, Simon. Feels so good." You babble, barely able to keep your eyes open, the pleasure overwhelming your senses.
"Yeah? Gonna make you feel even better." With that, his fingers thrust deeper into you, massaging your spot. Your back arches as Simon plants his face on your chest, sucking on your nipples.
He crooks his fingers slightly as he continues thrusting, his palm touching your clit with each time. You couldn't stay still anymore, moving your hips back to meet his thrusts.
The room was filled with wet, squelching noises and your combined moans. Your hands were gripping his bicep, feeling the large muscle flex under your fingertips.
His thick fingers continue his ministration as you begin to climb higher and higher. Your walls begin to pulse and constrict his fingers. Sweat drips down his forehead as he continues to drive into your pussy with his deft fingers.
"You gonna cum on my fingers, love?" He teases, placing kisses all over your damp face.
"Yes, oh fuck. Please, please let me cum."
Simon grins against your neck, placing sloppy kisses all over. His fingers begin to speed up even faster, hitting your sweet spot with every effort. You feel the familiar tingling sensation begin to build in your core.
Your legs begin to tremble as you struggle to get air inside of your lungs. Panting harshly, you close your eyes as your orgasm starts to reach its peak.
His hand leaves your tits as they begin to rub circles on your clit. The combined assault on your clit and your pussy brings you over the edge.
"Look at me when you cum." Your eyes open immediately as you find him staring directly into yours. Your legs tremble deliciously, hands gripping Simon even tighter as you feel your orgasm wash over you. Mouth agape, your back continues to arch as Simon doesn't stop, overstimulating you with a few shallow thrusts.
Simon's hand was covered in your juices as he slowly withdraws them. Your pussy clenches, feeling empty. He brings his fingers to your mouth and taps your lips. Obediently, you open your lips and let him slide his fingers inside your mouth.
Circling your tongue all finger, your eyes begin to close again. When you blink them open, you see Simon's bare body hovering above yours. His cock was standing proudly, shiny with precum. You feel the urge to take his cock into your mouth. When your hand tries to reach for him, it's stopped by his firm grip.
"Next time, yeah? Need to fuck your pretty pussy, baby." He slowly pulls his fingers out of your mouth, wiping them on his hip. He repositions his cock at your pussy, sliding the head up and down your folds.
Tilting your head down, you see Simon's hand grip his cock firmly as it slowly rubs his precum all over your pussy. He groans seeing your juices mix together. Moving your hips upwards, you try to push his head in and he hisses.
He grabs your hips and gently lowers them on the bed. "You just lay there and take it, yeah? Let me do all the work." You preen, more than happy to lay there and see him move above you.
"Put it in, Si. Missed your cock so much." You whimper, pressing delicate kisses on his neck. He nudges your nose with his, capturing your lips into a kiss. Your moan gets interrupted by your own grunt of surprise as the head of his cock slips in.
His cock was thicker than his two fingers, with veins running all over the shaft rubbing your walls deliciously. You link your legs behind his waist, helping him push deeper.
When he's inside you, it's like two pieces of puzzle fitting together. His cock fit so perfectly inside you, as if you were made for him and him for you. You knew Simon was it for you a long time ago, falling head over heels so easily for the grumpy soldier. You weren't happy at how long it took him to come to his senses, but you're glad either way.
He thrusts slowly, going deeper with each shift of his hips. His tongue tangles with yours as wet noises fill the room. You know when he's pushed in to the hilt when you feel him bump against your cervix slightly. Your pussy clenches at the tiny pain, causing Simon to moan out.
"Fuck, you're squeezing me so well, sweetheart." He stays there for a moment, grinding his cock inside. You only stop kissing when you pull away to beg him to start moving. Both his hands are placed firmly on your hips when he begins thrusting.
He moves back and forth slowly, the walls of your pussy feeling every drag of his big cock. You hiss against his mouth, the sensation lights up every nerve in your body. You beg him to go faster but he ignores you, continuing to sink slowly.
When you're about to wail at the pace again, he thrusts sharply — his cock sinking deep into your pussy. You gasp, clawing his back when he continues to move slowly but going deep with each thrust. You can hear the sound of his balls smacking against your ass.
Your combined juices were dripping out of your pussy, causing wet noises whenever he moves inside you. You don't know how long he continues his brutal motion, your eyes dazed and breath unsteady.
You've never felt this way before. It feels as if he's everywhere inside you, there isn't a part of you that doesn't feel touched by him. He thrusts as if he's trying to imprint himself in you, trying to permanently leave a mark.
"Such a pretty pussy. Doing so well f' me, sweetheart. You gonna let me cum in you? Gonna let me fill you up nicely?" He grunts, his composure starting to unravel. His cock begins to piston in you messily as he loses himself in your pussy.
"Yes, yes, yes. Fuck, love you so much, Si. Need your cum in me." You cry out desperately, tightening your legs and pulling him deeper inside you.
"So good to me, love. Letting me cum in your pretty pussy." His form begins to shake slightly from exertion. You know his hands were going to bruise your hips from how hard he was gripping them but you couldn't care less.
Your body moves up and down from the force of his thrust. His cock touching your cervix with each delicious thrust. Your pussy begins to pulse wildly on his cock as you feel another orgasm build inside you. When his cock begins to pulse, your eyes roll to the back of your head as it sends you over the edge. You moan out his name loudly, pulling him by the neck to your chest as his arms hug you to him.
You feel his desperation and love when he holds you. He hugs you so tight to him your ribs ache. You never want this feeling to go away.
"I love you so much, fuck." Your orgasm triggers his own, his cock pulsing as his creamy load fills up your pussy. He's so snug inside your pussy the excess cum begins to drip out. When he stops unloading inside you, he moves slowly, thrusting a few times shallowly. A part of him wants to look at the way his seed drips from your pussy but he didn't want to move away from you.
You both pant with eyes closed as your breathing begins to even out. Simon slowly pulls out and you hiss at the feel of his cock leaving you empty. You look down and see his cock covered in his cum and yours.
Your head falls back down to the pillow, eyes closing shut. Simon stares at the ceiling and huff, righting himself. You feel him plant a kiss to your forehead as the bed dips.
"'M gonna go clean us up, yeah? You stay there." You hear him step into the bathroom, going to wash himself and grab a clean towel to clean up your mess. By the time he came back, you had already passed out, judging by the sound of your low snores.
He begins to wipe your thighs and try to dry the surrounding areas as best he can. He'll change the sheets later when you're well-rested. Simon climbs into bed, hugging you to him. He runs his fingers through your hair, slowly unknotting them one by one.
He stares at your sleeping from and grins. Lowering his lips to yours, he keeps them there for a few seconds.
"I love you."
You can only mumble in response, too tired to properly articulate the words.
"I love you too, Simon."
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fursasaida · 6 months
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In just one month, approximately 462 hectares (4.6 million m²) of woodland, "notably pines and oaks, as well as around 20 hectares of centuries-old olive groves," have been destroyed by Israeli airstrikes, said Georges Mitri, Director of the Land and Natural Resources Programme at Balamand University. Since the escalation of tensions between Hezbollah and the Israeli army on Oct. 8, the latter has used white phosphorus to set fire to forests and fields in border areas. The 1980 Geneva Convention, which Israel has not signed, prohibits the use of white phosphorous on civilians and in civilian areas due to its devastating effects on humans, animals and the environment.
[...]
Amid the ongoing economic crisis, the attacks targeting olive groves ahead of harvest season have a major negative impact on the local economy in the area. "Traditionally, people gather around the olive trees, harvest their crops, press their oil together... A big part of their lives is being lost," lamented Younes. “The olive trees being burned are centuries old," he pointed out. “If we were to replant them today, how long would it be before these fields became productive?” Giving an estimate of the economic losses attributed to the daily fires in the South, Mitri put the figure at nearly 20 million dollars. In the long term, Younes is particularly concerned about the environmental impact of the phosphorus bombs. "We have no choice but to wait until the end of hostilities before assessing the situation on the ground," he said. In Younes’ view, the greater the rate of absorption of phosphorus into the soil and water, the greater the risk of dramatic long-term consequences on Lebanon’s environment.
I'll add here that southern Lebanon has never fully recovered from 2006. There are still unexploded cluster bombs in the ground, killing and maiming people. There is still chemical contamination. The economic impact on agriculture has never been fully recouped. The cancer rates are still elevated and unaddressed. The labor structure and which crops are grown changed after 2006 and have never reverted. I remember weeping watching the bombing of Gaza in 2021 as I was in the middle of writing a paper about the long term legacies of the July War in Lebanon, with these additional long-term violences of the bombing at the forefront of my mind along with the immediate deaths and tragedies. This is a horrifying compounding of an existing injury, at a time when Lebanon is in economic free fall and (as the article also explains) in the middle of fire season, and with firefighters unable to do much because the area is. being bombed.
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opencommunion · 2 months
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"Forced Lent. The Syrian people did not have to wait for Lent to arrive, their lives are already filled with austerity and daily sacrifices.
For 13 years now, our families are living a forced Fasting which is becoming heavier each day, that seems like an endless Calvary.
No heat for the elders, already made fragile by the cold winter, no baby milk for the newborns, a shortage of many medicines aggravating sicknesses and illnesses, extreme poverty. Those are the conditions leading to the death of many.
Once viewed as the hope of the future, the young generation is suffocating and desperate. Poverty, lack of jobs, impossibility to start new families, impossibility to apply for visas and leave the country as consulates are shutting down, eliminating thus their last hope. A total blockade with devastating sanctions.
Facing all the above, many are desperately searching to leave, even at the risk of losing their life by drowning on one of those refugee boats.
Isn't all of the above a form of forced euthanasia that is slowly and surely being imposed on that poor and deprived population?
Let us entrust our concerns to Our Lady of the Resurrection."
Samir Nassar, Maronite Archbishop of Damascus, Lent 2024 On the third day of Lent in the Maronite calendar (Feb 15), the US House passed a bill expanding economic sanctions that contribute to the starvation of the Syrian people.
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molotovmetro · 1 year
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The 141 + König with a s/o who goes non-verbal
Tiny disclaimer: im autistic and have moments of being non verbal during breakdowns etc, so this is based mostly off of my own experience, but if anyone feels like ive said inaccurate or offensive things, please let me know as that would never be my intention. The way I've written this suggests this is a negative feeling (, since thats how i experience it) but I understand that might not be the same for everyone. For some people this might just be a daily or
Requested by @apocalypticseagull
Warnings: mentions of stress and the slightest hint at possible injury, besides that nothing I can think of
M!reader
Ghost
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Ghost relates to you. While he wouldn't claim his experience is the same, he gets moments of overstimulation where he wants everyone to leave him alone, and will just stop reacting to people.
When he feels like this, he prefers to sit in his room, either completely in the dark or with only a small lamp on, and have as little noise around him as possible.
If you're in a stress situation, not knowing what else to do to help you, that's what he'll resort to.
He'll take you into either his room or yours, whichever you would prefer, and holds you while letting you get away from all the triggers for a bit. Unless you're dealing with life or death situations, whatever work you have left for the day can wait. Your wellbeing always comes first.
Soap
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Soap is a lot more observant than people give him credit for. He's the king of avoiding stressful situations for you whenever he can.
But alas, he can't avoid it every time. Whether you start saying less and less as the minutes go on, or just stop talking suddenly, he notices immediately.
Not that he'd be quick to admit it, but he's got a written list of everything you like, even if it's just something you mentioned in passing. He absutely will use this list to do whatever he can to make you smile and relieve some of your stress.
He'll make sure to find a way to still communicate that both of you are comfortable with. He'll happily lend you his journal to write in, or he'll ask Roach for some lessons in sign language. He'd break his back bending over backwards to make you comfortable if he had to.
Gaz
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No matter how often it happens, Gaz still feels a jolt of panic whenever you don't respond over coms when you're on a mission. He almost sags in relief as soon as he hears you hum, or even just hears the crackly static of you pushing your radio's button.
He knows you're a talented soldier and you're more than capable of handling yourself, he still prefers to be near you at all times. What if something happens and you can't tell him? You could be in trouble without him even knowing. He'll, just knowing you're stressed is making him want to reach for you.
He likes his job, likes helping people and ridding the world of danger, but his favourite part of every mission is when you're sitting in the exfil helo after a good mission, and you give him that wide smile he's been waiting hours, if not days to see.
Price
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You and Price have been working together for so long, you both know the drill. When he starts to notice you going quiet, he makes sure he only asks yes or no questions. On your side; one click of your radio button for no, two for yes. Throw in some improvised morse code when necessary, and you've got a solid communications system.
Having this system is also a huge bonus during stealth missions, when he can't talk freely without risking being spotted.
He loves hearing your voice, but he doesn't treat you any differently when you can't talk. He'll support you in whatever way you need, without making it feel like he's babying you.
The two of you are a well oiled machine. No matter how stressful the situation, usually you can tell what the other one is thinking just by looking at them. You know you both have each other's back, verbal communication or not.
König
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König doesn't mean to make a big deal out of it, and he won't if you don't, but he does worry.
After a situation like that happens once, he commits everything that helps you to his memory, and uses the knowledge to help you the next time it happens.
Even down to the tiniest detail, he'll remember. If you don't like a certain texture or can only stand a certain flavour of drink during moments like this, he's making sure you have everything you need and are as comfortable as possible. Whatever is stressing you will be dealt with by him while you're resting and calming down.
If you want to be alone, he understands and respects that, and gives you the space you need. But if you don't, there's nowhere he'd rather be than by your side.
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kana-daydreams · 20 days
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𝐚 𝐬𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 || 𝐙𝐨𝐫𝐨
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summary: zoro decides just for your sake and his, for once, to allow himself to express a feeling he’d long buried inside him after Kuina’s death—and a feeling he’s only ever had for you. genre: mild angst, fluff cw: none wc: 3.2k
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I love you.
Settled atop the crow’s nest dome- shaped roof of the Thousand Sunny, Zoro’s dark-brown eyes dart open to meet splotches of fluffy white painted across a canvas of endless blue.
A gentle breeze rustles his clothes and threads through his mint-green hair as he lays with his back pressed flat against the roof’s surface,  head cushioned by his arms, while his gaze continues to follow the clouds lazily gliding across the sky.
I love you.
Zoro clicks his tongue when he hears the words teasing melody continue to play in his head.
Words that had repeated its haunting every daylight, and every nightfall.
Words you’d confessed to him weeks ago—and words he had thought would be your last.
Why did you do it? 
Zoro still relives the moment when he watched your body go limp in his arms, crimson red trailing its way down in gushing streams from the wound in your torso.
Why did you risk your life to save his?
A question that lingered along with your confession deep within his mind during the couple of weeks you’d remained a victim of sleep.
A furrow lines Zoro’s brows, deepening as he unwillingly recalls the urgent scream of your voice calling his name, followed by the sound of steel tearing through flesh and then the painful sight of your body collapsing, motionless, in a pool of red.
After the tragic occurrence, day after day, Zoro would visit you inside the sick bay. It was a difficult task at first, seeing your comatose state, but he made it part of his daily routine to check up on you. And assisted Chopper where he could, sometimes spending the entire day by your side and wishing that you would just open your damn eyes.
And during that time he spent with you and without you, he prayed. 
Zoro never believed there was a god but yet, for you—he did. 
Like a devout believer, day in and day out, he prayed and hoped for a miracle. 
Hoped that some god— any god—would hear his prayer and that you would awake from your seemingly endless sleep. 
Though when a couple of weeks had flitted past and you showed no signs of waking up, the little faith he’d mustered started to wane. 
Waned until like a flame drawn down to a single spark of light left with nothing to fuel its burn, it extinguished.
But today Zoro’s flame reignites.
At the sound of Chopper's crying voice, Zoro’s body bolts upright, his eyes drawing wide when he hears him announce in between sniffles and hiccups, that you’re awake.
And in an instant, he’s on his feet. 
And in an instant, his legs carry him with desperate steps towards the direction of the sick bay, Zoro thinking to himself, despite his once wavering belief—for the first time—a god really just might exist.
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“Nami, Robin— you guys are going to hurt her!” Chopper’s worried voice warns the two women hugging the life out of you—literally, Chopper thinks.
“Okay, just one more hug.” Nami snivels, long tears rolling down her cheeks as she gives you one last squeeze before she and Robin unwrap their arms from around you, moving to stand amongst the rest of the crew huddled around your bed.
Your eyes scan each of their tear-stained faces like your own, at the same time searching for the perpetual stone-cold expression of Zoro’s, your heart sinking when there’s no sight of it. 
“I’m so happy to see everyone.” You manage a weak smile, brushing off the disappointed feeling at the swordsman’s absence, and instead focus on the wide smiles, happy tears and collective expressed words of happiness and relief of your long-awaited recovery.
For the next hour or so, the sick bay’s room is permeated with mirthful chatter and laughter until Chopper starts kicking everyone out, informing them of your much needed rest.
“I don’t understand? Why would she need more sleep?” Luffy who sits cross-legged at the foot of your bed asks with a genuinely confused expression. “She’s been sleeping for we—” he’s interrupted when Nami grabs a hold of one of his ears and forcefully starts dragging him out of the room, the scene making a small laughter bubble up your chest.
Luffy’s painful groans and complaining voice drowns out when the door clicks close behind them, and with solitude now your only company, your mind is left to idle.
To idle on the memory of Zoro.
To idle on the memory of his mortified features as he held your form, drenched in blood, close to his chest. And the prominent picture of hurt mixed in with other indiscernible emotions that crossed his face when you confessed your years-long harboured love for him, just before your vision turned dark.
You can’t help but wonder exactly what he thought during that moment of your untimely confession, as you absent-mindedly reach your hands under the hem of your shirt, smoothing it along the rough scar that lines across your stomach. A reminder of the small price you had to pay in exchange for the life of the one you’d always cherished with your whole heart, and the one your eyes longed to see the moment you’d opened your eyes.
A sudden rap at the door pulls you out of your thoughts and you rasp out a “You can come in!” wondering if Chopper had returned to check up on you.
However, when the door cracks open, instead of the doctor, it reveals the familiar figure of the man you’ve yearned to see. 
You watch as he steps into the room, your eyes catching his steely expression which immediately melts at the sight of you. 
Zoro closes the door behind him and wordlessly approaches your bedside, neither of your gazes unyielding from the other. That is until his eyes flicker down to your hand still settled on your exposed stomach, the muscles in his jaw becoming visibly tense.
There’s a silence that settles between you both. One that is equally tense and you can’t help but attempt to lighten the mood.
“Fell asleep again or forgot I existed?” You quirk a brow, a teasing lilt carried in your tone. “I’m placing my bet on the first one.” You chuckle.
 “It’s none.”
Your laughter simmers down when you look up to see that Zoro’s features are void of any hint of amusement.  
“Oh? Then…” 
“I wanted us alone.” He explains and your head tilts in curiosity at his words.
 “Alone?”
“Yeah. We need to talk.”  
You ponder on what he says. On what the topic of discussion might entail that he didn’t want the others around. And in a second or two, when an answer suddenly dawns on you—that it might be about your declaration of love— you feel a faint touch of warmth caress your cheeks.
Shyly, you pat a hand beside you on the mattress. A motion for him to have a seat. 
Zoro takes you up on your offer, joining you on the small bed after removing his swords which he settled in a nearby corner of the room.
“So, what you wanna talk about?” You ask as you feel the bed sink under you from his added weight.
Zoro takes his time to form an answer as his eyes examine you for a bit: the healthy gleam of your skin, the vibrant light in your eyes, and the way your lips curl into that beautiful smile he’d longed missed.
And the longer he takes to respond, the more your heart races in anticipation.
“How do you feel?” He finally asks.
You pout. It isn’t what you expected, but his concern for your well-being at the same time isn’t a surprise.
“A little woozy and tired. But Chopper said I’ll feel better with a little more rest.”
“Right…rest.” Zoro murmurs to himself.
He had been more than determined to see you as soon as he watched the others leave your room that he didn’t consider the toll their long visit had probably taken on you.
“Then you should get some.” He stands to his full height, ready to make his departure, only to be stopped by a sudden and gentle tug on his shirt. 
He peers over his shoulder, looking down to see your fingers gripping onto its hem, your face creased with worry.
“Please Zo, don’t leave.” You plead. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
You’d noticed it in his tense expression—that what he wanted to discuss carried a heavy weight on his shoulders, though you weren’t exactly sure what it might be if not your confession.
“You need to rest.” Zoro urges.
“I won’t be able to unless you tell me what’s bothering you.”
Your persistence and stubbornness is no surprise to Zoro. He knows all too well that your words are true, and stands there conflicted with your hand still glued to his shirt, before momentarily releasing a deep sigh as he relents to entertaining your request.
You watch as he seats himself near you once more. “Tell me Zo. What is it?” You prompt when a lull falls, lingering between you two. 
Zoro’s eyes sweep down to where your hands lay before flitting up to meet your worried eyes. “Why…” He pauses for a beat as if gathering his thoughts, before he pieces together the rest of his words; finally asking the question, though not in full, that has been long weighing on his mind. “Why did you do it?” 
Your brows wrinkle, confused. “Do what?”
When his gaze leaves your own and you notice it drops down to your stomach, you immediately come to comprehend the meaning behind his words.
“Because I wanted to.” A smile pulls at your lips. 
A smile that makes Zoro’s hands, unnoticeably to you, ball into fists.
A couple of weeks ago, you were on the brink of death because of him and now you’re here, smiling warmly up at him, saying that you didn’t mind that you’d almost die!
Zoro’s fingers curl, digging deeper into the palm of his hands.
He’s happy—overjoyed, though his features mask the feeling—that you’re okay and that he gets the chance to see your smiling face again. But what if he had lost you?
What if he had lost you, just like he lost…
Zoro shoots up to his feet, your fingers hold on his shirt, ripping away.
 “You’re leaving.” 
His sudden burst of words leave you to stare dumbfoundedly at him as he walks over to the side of the room where his swords lay, propped up against the wall.
“What do you mean ‘you’re leaving’?”
Zoro faces your direction once he’s finished securing his swords to his hip. “As soon as we dock at the nearest town, you’re getting off.” The tone of his voice hints that there's no room for an argument.
 You gape up at him. “You can’t be serious.”
This wasn’t the first time, the second nor the third, that Zoro had tried to get you to leave the ship—and to leave their crew.
He’d wanted you long gone since the day Luffy’d recruited you and tried his earnest to get the boy to throw you off the ship. 
Figuratively of course.
“I thought we were past that phase. Aren’t you tired of trying to get rid of me?”
“Not, exactly.” Zoro says and you purse your lips, brows knitting into a frown at his curt and honest reply.
 “Well like I’ve told you countless times, Roronoa. I'm not leaving.” 
Zoro gives a subtle flinch when you refer to him by his family name instead of the nickname you’d called him since you were children. He then releases a deep sigh meeting your defiant gaze. “Being a pirate isn’t child’s play.” He ends with your name. “It’s dangerous.”
“And, what? You think I don’t know that.” You cross your arms, eyes narrowing. 
You were aware that like the others,  Zoro was worried about you. But you were here because of your own volition. Not his. A fact you verbally express.
“I’m not a little girl, Roronoa.” You say, voice stern. “I’m an adult. Meaning, I make my own choices.”
Zoro scoffs, almost mockingly at your words. “Yeah, choices that almost left you in a permanent coma, sleeping beauty.”
“I was only trying to protect you.” You feel yourself becoming more pissed, for  lack of a better word, at his retort. “You could have died if I didn’t—”
“I ain’t no weakling. I could’ve taken it.” He argues back.
“You don't know that, you arrogant seaweed!” 
Zoro was strong. Inhumanly strong. A verifiable truth you’d always known. But like any other human being, he was still mortal—and all mortals bleed. All mortals die.
Seaweed?! Zoro’s brows furrow, the muscles in his face twitching. He then heaves a frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look…” he starts, voice much mellow than before. “You’re not a pirate. You’re not me and you’re not Luffy—you’re not like any of us.”
Zoro watches as your expression morphs into a reflection of hurt at his words—and it aches him. But his words are somewhat of the truth. You aren’t like any of them. You don’t have raw strength or devil fruit powers to protect yourself nor are you cautious when faced with life-threatening situations, choosing to tackle those situations head on without much of a drop of hesitation.
And that’s what scared him the most. 
“It'd be best if you just go back home where it’s safe.” Zoro finishes, eyes meeting anywhere but your gaze.
“So that’s the real reason you don't want me around?” Your fingers clench around the sheet wrapped around you. “Because I’m weak?” 
“That’s not what I mea–”
“Then what do you mean, huh! Zoro Roronoa.” Your eyes well with unshed tears and your voice cracks as you choke back a sob. “Why is it that you keep trying to get rid of me?” 
Your question is only met with silence, as Zoro continues to keep his mouth sealed.
“Is it because I’m a burden?”
You weakly voice a thought that’d always remained rampant in your mind since the day Zoro vanished a few years later after Kuina’s death, leaving you only a single letter explaining his aspiration and his pursuit of becoming the world’s greatest swordsman along with a stern warning that you never attempt to search for him.
You’d adhere to his wishes which brought with it many sleepless nights, especially when you thought you would never see him again. 
Fortunately, by a stroke of luck, you’d managed to cross paths when you stumbled upon him wandering around like a lost puppy back in one of the towns you usually frequented for selling your goods. And after your fateful reunion, spurred on by what’ve been years of friendship blossomed into unrequited love, you decided to join Zoro in his ambition—and the rest of the straw hats who’d unexpectedly and without a doubt become your home: your family.
“...It is. Isn’t it?” You say when you notice him tense at your assumption.
“No it is’n—”
“Then what is it!” Your voice consumed by a mixture of anger, sadness and disappointment bounces off the walls of the room. “At least tell me why?” 
Zoro looks across at you and a pained expression shadows his face when he sees droplets of tears rain from your eyes, wetting your cheeks, falling and seeping into the white sheets clutched in your grasp.
“Why do you want me to leave?” You continue. “Why don't you want me to be a part of your life?” Some of your words get caught up in an uncontrollable storm of hiccups and sobs. “... and I promise Zoro. Tell me why and I promise I’ll leave.”
Zoro was never one to be emotionally transparent. You know that. But you wanted to know why… 
Why is it that he was so determined—eager to make you leave? 
Why is it that he was so eager to drive you away like you were never a part of his life? And him, never a part of yours.
Silence permeates the room as Zoro’s lips remain sealed shut like before, and as it prolongs so does your impatience.
“If you’re not gonna answer, then go.” You breathe out a weak sigh, feeling new tears starting to emerge. “I’ll leave just like you ask, so just get ou—.” 
“‘Cause I love you.” Zoro mumbles out in a rush, that you barely register what he says.
You blink away the tears, directing your attention over at him, more precisely his back.  “What…did you say?”
Zoro’s face contorts into a frown, heat burning at his cheeks. “I said…” He grits his teeth, finding it cruel that you were making him repeat such cloying words. “...I l-love you, you idiot.” He stammers out and you notice his ears tinge a dark red.
Your heart stutters at his unanticipated confession, words you’d been longing and hoping to hear for years—and words which render you speechless.
“S-say somethin’” Zoro practically begs, growing increasingly embarrassed by your lack of a reaction, still keeping his body pointed in the opposite direction.
You shake yourself out of your surprised state. “You love me?” You ask as heat fans across your face. “Then…why do you keep pushing me away?”
“..Because you’re reckless.”
Your face contorts into a slight grimace, feeling somewhat offended by his words. “I am not reckless.” You retort, regretting it when he starts to recount childhood memories and those of late, that bear witness to his claim. 
Though those events couldn’t compare to the one that almost made him lose you.
The room descends into utter silence when Zoro finishes, leaving you with your head drooped down in embarrassment which had seeped in bit by bit during his narration of your every rash act.
 “I can’t…” 
You raise your head slowly to look across at Zoro whose voice punctuates the silence. And your heart sinks when you hear the subtle crack of his voice.
“I can’t...” He repeats, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I–we lost her. You—” Zoro grits his teeth, clenching his eyes tightly from the growing pain in his chest. “I don’t wanna lose you.”
To Zoro, you are his everything.
The woman who holds the entirety of his heart in the palm of her hands; all he has that reminds him of home—and a reason other than his promise with Kuina to become the world's greatest swordsman.
Zoro’s hands ball into fists as he feels a burning sensation settle behind his eyes. “I can’t lose you t—” 
The words that pained to leave his lips are cut short, when Zoro feels arms wrap, snug around his torso, a soft and familiar body pressing against his back.
“I’m right here, Zo.” You reassure with tears and soft whimpers. “I’m here. And I’m alive.”
Zoro’s heart pounds violently against his chest when you hug him closer to your body, as if trying to prove to him you were real and not  just a figment of his imagination.
To your surprise, Zoro turns around and captures you in a tight embrace. “I know…” He presses a light kiss to your hair, letting it linger for a second, before settling his chin atop the crown of your head. “And about what’ve said before. Forget about it.” He says, as your soft sobs continue to fill the room. “I…I don’t want you to leave.” 
“You mean it?” You quiver out.
“Yeah.” He replies. “Just please, promise me you’ll be more careful.”
Your eyes flutter close as you snuggle closer into his warmth. “I will. I promise.” You say, both of you, unknown to the other, making a silent vow to become stronger.
Stronger for each other.
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© 2024 kana-daydreams
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nvirskies · 3 months
Text
til death do us part, and then some - c. la rue
warnings: reader suicide, angst hurt/no comfort, ruegard, asshole clarisse, descriptions of blood, infidelity, broken promises, not beta read
summary: clarisse never comes back from a quest and you take matters into your own hands to reunite.
unclaimed!fem!demigod!reader x unfaithful!clarisse la rue
word count: 2.1k
taglist: @lvrue @star-girl69 @petitegavotte @b0ok-lover @azrielsdiary
PROCEED WITH CAUTION, READ AT OWN RISK
men, nsfw, non-sapphic, 16-/19+ dni
Lord Dionysus, Chiron, or whomever may be reading this:
In the event that someone has been unfortunate enough to find this note upon my death, do not fret. This has been a decision I had been mulling over for weeks, months, if not years now. I do not know when I will feel compelled to take this step further, so this has been written entirely in advance. Know that I will be content with my life in the Fields of Asphodel, or the Gardens of Elysium should Lord Hades be so generous as to grant me that privilege.
I would like to thank everyone who did their best in making Camp Half-Blood a welcoming and home space. Special thanks to the Hermes cabin, and Lord Hermes for their gracious welcoming arms and making me feel like I belonged somewhere. My belongings should be distributed amongst whomever would like to keep them, and make sure they are put to good use.
Return any and all of Clarisse’s clothing found in my chest back to the Ares cabin, and let them figure out what to do with it on their own time. Lord Ares, I give my final thanks to you for graciously allowing your daughter to have been part of my life. 
To my fellow unclaimed demigods who are wondering if they should be mourning the loss of a sibling, I have no definitive answer for you beyond if you felt like you were close enough to call me a sibling, mourn me like you would a biological one. No matter if you are claimed tomorrow or never claimed at all, know you are not unworthy or inferior simply because of your divine parent’s lack of attention. 
You may be half-divine, but always remember to keep that human spark within you alive. Keep your compassion, your empathy, your sense of understanding. This world is not made for us, but never give up on creating spaces that are. We live heavy lives, and respite is hard to come by.
When you bury my body, put me to rest with my javelin, suit of armor, and the fragments of Clarisse’s shattered spear. Under my tongue, please place two coins instead of one. My love is waiting for me on the banks of the River Styx with no way across, and I would like to provide her with a way across alongside me. 
Underneath the last paragraph was your name, signed in neat print alongside your signature swooping cursive. The letter was found rolled neatly atop your chest of belongings, your lifeless body on the bunk bed you had claimed for yourself for the past four years of your life. Crimson blood seeped through the bed sheets and mattress, a fatal reminder for all of the fragility that even the strongest harbored. 
Upon the discovery of your body, ripples of whispers swept through the campers like a stone tossed in the midst of a serene waterfront. Your skin was just barely lukewarm, the blood streaming from the thin cut horizontal across the jugular vein was beginning to brown and oxidize. 
In one hand was the knife that had presumably made the cut, the blade pristine and glinting in the dim light save for the thin line of blood that ran across its edge. The other held Clarisse’s favorite shirt, all bundled up and cleaner than anyone had ever seen it before. Anyone who picked up said shirt could immediately tell that it had been doused in the cologne that she once wore on a daily basis, no doubt a purposeful move to make your last moments completely blissful in surrounding yourself with her scent.
She had been your home, after all.
Clarisse had comforted you through nightmares, the breakdowns about being unclaimed for years that happened whenever someone new was claimed and the jealousy and anger of it all. 
She had reassured you that even after Silena had died that you weren’t a rebound, and that her feelings for you were genuine, and you had believed her. 
You were her girl, after all. The one she let her walls down around, the one who had tried to patch together the spear her father had given her even after the Hephaestus children had given up. The one who she let braid her hair and be soft around. The one where she had promised over and over again that even in the afterlife, you would find each other in Elysium again.
Then, she had been sent out on a quest. One that she had vowed to return from, safe and sound. The rest of her group did, but her face was never again seen on the hills of Camp Half-Blood that the two of you called home. 
Gone were the moments wherein she would hold you and soothe all of your worries away. Gone were the times of squealing as she picked you up from behind and spun you around to face her mid-air. Gone were all the possibilities to make the most of your limited years together, because she was dead, off in a faraway land that you couldn’t even visit to see her corpse and offer her one last smile.
That was when the thoughts began to swirl in your mind. Months went by and everything seemed to go back to normal. You had been given three weeks off training to mourn, and after those three weeks you seemingly bounced back like nothing was wrong, like you hadn’t just lost the love of your life. 
The only difference was the streak of white that made itself apparent in your hair, its origins unknown, and the smile on your face that never seemed to quite reach your eyes no matter how many times you tried to convince (yourself) and the others that it was genuine. 
Months passed and all fell back into its routine. Things were looking up for the camp as a whole, and Chiron had been able to take a few steps back in managing thanks to Percy Jackson’s continued efforts to have gods and goddesses interact with their children more. 
But those thoughts still took root in your mind, their tendrils digging into the very essence of your psyche as every lonely moment was spent longing for her touch, for her warmth, for the security that she provided once upon a time. In your mind, there was no doubt that it was time to make good on your promise to each other. 
You would meet her in the gardens of Elysium and reunite once more.
After your burial, you made your way down to the banks of the River Styx, anxiously clutching the two coins in one hand and your javelin in the other. Your eyes scanned the crowds of souls, all clamoring to Charon, pleading that he take pity on them and take them across without payment.
The wails of the damned, sobs of the innocent, and screams of the guilty all flooded your senses. 
Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a familiar mess of brown curls and sprinted towards them, your footsteps leaving indents on the ash-sand lining the waterline of the Styx.
She was there. Your assumptions had been correct. 
As she had died out in the world and had never been given a proper burial, she had joined the crowd that lingered just at the edge of the Styx, taking every chance she had to try and get across. 
But now that you were there, she didn’t have to worry about sneaking aboard Charon’s boat. You had enough payment for the both of you to make it across safely, and finally live out the rest of your afterlives like you had promised each other.
It wasn’t until you were naught but a couple dozen feet away that you noticed she was rather busy with something. Or rather, someone. And she was looking at that person like they were the only one in the world right now. Your gut twisted, knowing that was the look that she had given you. 
But it wasn’t you she was looking at. It was Silena Beauregard, the daughter of Aphrodite, that Clarisse had spent countless hours reassuring you that she wasn’t just using you as a rebound to get over her death.
She had lied right through her teeth, all with the kindest smile on her face that you could imagine. It was becoming apparent that you were a fool, strung along for the sole purpose of keeping Clarisse’s arms full and warm while she thought of the Beauregard girl. 
Every kiss, every moment, every word shared between you two seemed hollow now. They had lost all meaning, all of the sentiment that once made your stomach fill with butterflies. 
You skidded to a stop just behind the pair, watching with a heavy heart and tightening in your chest as their lips collided over and over again in a series of passionate kisses, their hands roaming each others’ bodies. Just like she had done with you, countless times prior. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice your presence.
You had always been hers, but she had never been yours. 
There wasn’t much emotion left in you besides melancholic resignation, and your gut twisted every time you gripped the two coins in your hand, a reminder that they would never be used for their intended purpose. 
You waited there for a moment before tapping on Clarisse’s shoulder, causing her to break away from the kiss and turn to look at you. Surprise filled her features, then guilt. Overwhelming guilt as she realized the situation you had caught her in. Her lips were interlocked with another girl’s just a moment ago, the very same girl that she had reassured was not a problem or factor in your relationship.
Silena stood behind her, her eyes scrutinizing your appearance, taking note of the way you clutched two coins instead of the customary one. 
“Love-? What are you doing here?” Clarisse asked, the term of endearment slipping naturally off her tongue as it had countless times in the past. But it no longer held any meaning to you, not when you had just witnessed everything before your very own eyes. You didn’t respond beyond throwing the two coins down at her feet with a knowing look, a silent callback to the promise that the two of you had made. The coins clinked softly as they fell onto the fine ash that lines the shores of the River Styx, falling on top of each other.
Horror filled her features as she realized just exactly what you were doing down in the Underworld, and her eyes fell upon the thin scar that ran just along the jugular vein on your neck.
The one spot she had taught you to go for on an opponent if anything ever threatened your life, and you had used it on yourself to have a chance at forever with her. A chance that had been wasted.
“You- you didn’t-” she began, choking on her own words as tears filled her eyes at the thought of it, and the sight of you, now in front of her, very obviously dead. 
“It was for you, ‘Risse, but it seems I really was just a rebound after all.” You spat out, a dangerously bitter edge to your voice as you looked her up and down. 
“These,” you gestured to the coins on the ground, “were supposed to be for us, for the promise you made. But I guess I was the one foolish enough to listen to you, to fall for you in the first place.”
“Enjoy your time in Elysium, La Rue, and know that you were the cause of my death. Don’t forget. On the River Styx.” 
That last statement was the final nail in her metaphorical coffin. No one made a promise on the infamous river and broke it, not without terrible consequences. Any and all chances of her getting into the paradisal side of the Underworld were dashed in mere moments as the realization dawned on her about the gravity of her mistake. 
You bent down and picked up one of the coins on the ground and left without a word, turning on your heel and disappearing back into the crowd of souls before Clarisse could utter another word. 
You had left her with two choices by giving her that one coin: to take the coin for herself and cross with Charon with hopes of trying to win you back and leaving the Aphrodite girl in the dust, or giving it to Silena and letting her go because she was clearly the girl the daughter of Ares loved most. Either way, she lost something.
Her last name was right. You rued the day you ever met Clarisse.
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astaroth1357 · 1 year
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The Demon Brothers + Dateables Bodycare
Is it the domestic in me that likes the idea of helping my SO wash up and relax? Probably.
Contents: No warnings, just fluff.
~♡♡♡~
Lucifer
Preens his wings daily, always once in the morning and once more at night.
The whole routine usually involves a shower then carefully running his fingers through his feathers to apply the right oils and get them back into place.
Loose or shed feathers are typically collected then promptly burnt (because Mammon got caught trying to sell them as powerful hex materials a couple centuries ago. He'll be damned a second time before he gets turned into a commodity! )
Before MC arrived, he used to have to go to Asmo for help getting the spots he had a hard time reaching. He'll never admit it, but he still lets Asmo help him from time to time just because he misses the bonding. Asmo is 100% that chatty hairdresser whenever he helps his brothers self-care routines, it's very entertaining.
If MC has the time to help him preen, he'll consider it the highlight of his day! The skin below the feathers is incredibly sensitive, so the feeling of their fingers running through it and knocking away any dead skin makes him purr.
It takes about an hour to get through all four wings though. Fair warning.
Mammon
Very, VERY protective of his wings. They don't look like much, but what skin and bone are there are delicate af. He once knocked one into a bookshelf and nearly passed out from the pain.
Cleans them every other day. He doesn't use his demon form much, so he doesn't worry about them getting too dirty. That said, if a photoshoot wants him to have them out, he'll make sure to freshen up.
Mammon usually sponges off any dirt on his wings then applies some moisturizer (Asmo recommended of course). Exfoliating dead skin is... well let's say it's a process he takes only with great reluctance so he tries his damnedest to keep them from drying out in the first place.
WHEN exfoliating day comes, he used to only undertake it by himself because he didn't even trust Asmo not to rub his skin so raw that he'd be in agony for weeks. It took months for him to trust MC enough to try it. Though now that he does, he could never go back!
He adores how gently the MC treats his wings and their little check-ups like "Are you okay?" or "Is this too much?" Their attention is fully on him and he lives for it. Sometimes he'll just shyly nudge the exfoliation brush into their hands when he really wants to feel loved that day.
Leviathan
Has the easiest day-to-day upkeep of all the brothers, really. Dunk his tail in some water and boom. Done. It's shedding time that he actually dreads...
About once a season, Levi's tail becomes unbearably itchy as the old skin lifts off to make way for the new. The whole process lasts about a week and he calls it his personal hell.
Levi becomes a completely different person whenever he's shedding. Bitchy, irritable, and extremely quick to lash out. He stays in his room and his brothers just leave his meals outside the door, lest they risk a visit from Lotan...
Everyone, including himself, thought the MC had a death wish when they insisted on helping him but he quickly discovered that it was something he never knew he needed.
He looooves being spoiled by their attention even more than Mammon. He'll sit on their lap and latch himself on like a kola bear while they carefully work to peel the shed off of his tail. Sometimes he games, other times he just quietly basks in them even being there at all. He adores their kindness and it makes things go faster, so really it's a win-win for him all around!
Satan
His tail is a bitch to manage so it is one of the many passing irritations that irk him throughout the day.
The bone/scales collect a lot of dirt in hard to see crevices, so when Satan goes to clean it, he often has to pull out Q-tips and metal picks just to get around all those edges. He uses a magnifying glass too, so it can look like he's cleaning up some kind of museum artifact.
He can and will accept help from basically anyone who offers (except Lucifer) and Asmo is very used to him coming in to get the thing cleaned up when he's just too frustrated to do it himself.
Lowkey wishes that MC could just take over Asmo's place as his go-to helper but he doesn't want to burden them.. It takes a good 2-3 hours to get the whole thing clean and he doubts that they have the time for that every day.
Took to the idea of MC helping him the fastest out of anyone, though they needed a bit of training on his part in order to be as proficient at it as him or Asmo. Unfortunately, his tail instinctively responds to his emotions whether he wants it to or not. That means it often wraps around the MC's wrist and won't let go which complicates things...
Asmodeus
Obviously the cleanest boy in the House.
Asmo has his self-care routine ON LOCK plus everyone else's to be quite frank. He's always on the lookout for new products or care strategies to help himself or his brothers feel their best (even the ones who don't let him help in person.)
He keeps "Care Kits" for each one of his brothers to use in the event that they have a catastrophic emergency that needs resolved. Seriously, the amount of times that he's had to pluck Lucifer's ripped feathers or cut out matted chunks of Belphie's tail fur is just...
Asmo takes his own wing care very seriously, so much so in fact that he begged Solomon to come up with the "perfect moisturizer" centuries ago which he still sells as part of his own personal product line. Even Mammon can attest to its effectiveness!
Simply loves it when MC comes in to help him! They both know that he doesn't really need it, but there's something so sweet about letting your special someone wash your hair or massage your wings... He'll melt into a puddle every time!
Beelzebub
His wings are SO DELICATE. Mammon and Asmo go on and on about how their wings are fragile but Beel has to constantly be sure that his don't straight up break.
You would think that would make him more hesitant to clean them, but not so. In fact, Beel is right up there with Asmo in terms self-grooming as far as his wings are concerned.
The reasons are two-fold. One, because they are so sensitive and temperamental that even a small layer dirt on them feels very irritating. And two, because Beel cares a lot about his body. Not in a vain way, just in a "this is the one I get" sort of way. His fitness goes hand-in-hand with his personal hygiene!
Beel never uses soapy water to clean his wings because it dulls them out and makes them feel sticky... He's much more likely to run a damp washcloth over them a few times a day which seems to do the trick.
He prefers to have Belphie or MC help him over Asmo, as he needs to have a lot of trust in a person to let them touch such a fragile part of his body. It's almost like another bonding exercise between the three as Belphie cleans one wing and MC cleans the other. Just some wholesome pamper Beel time for everybody!
Belphegor
Dirty boy. Filthy boy. Bad Belphie.
Belphie is very much a "I'll only take a bath if my hair gets greasy" kind of guy. Thankfully, Beel or Asmo usually shove him into a bathtub on a semi-regular basis. It's not that he loves filth, he just loses track of the days and baths/showers make him extra sleepy... Somebody has to be around to be sure he doesn't drown.
Unfortunately, that also means his tail care is just pitiful. He'll put off brushing it because he thinks it takes too long, which only leads to it getting matted up and taking even longer to clean up.
Asmo has dragged his sorry ass down to the bathroom many times to hose him down then de-mat his tail like he's a stray dog. Belphie whines the whole time, but lets him because it still beats having to do it himself...
Thankfully, all the MC ever had to do was float out the threat of no more cuddles for him to finally take his hygiene seriously. He may still beg them to "help" him in the bathtub or brush his fur though. He claims it's so relaxing that it put him to sleep, but we all know he was already going to do that anyway...
Diavolo
So we know that he has a legion of servants and a Barbatos to help him keep clean, but I promise you that the MC could come up to him with a dollar store hairbrush and this man would still be over the moon.
He emphatically adores literally any kind of care or grooming the MC gives him. Even if they objectively suck at it, he'll still love it anyway.
Dia could sit for hours, completely content, while the MC brushes the same bit of his hair over and over again. He's in it for the intimacy, so who cares about the results?
He's totally down for anything they want to do to him. Put his hair up in silly clips? Sure. Tie bows and streamers to his wings? Absolutely! Give him middle-school faux tattoos with pens and highlighters?? Which arm do they start with??
Barbatos and Lucifer, however, are NOT totally down for anything that the MC wants to do to the demon prince. So, reign it in, chief, they'll be monitoring them closely...
Barbatos
He doesn't get a lot of time to just take care of himself, so his morning/evening cleaning routines are quite important to him. That includes the care for his tail.
Barbs' tail is more amphibious than it is reptilian like Levi's, so it's actually better for him to wash it sparingly to keep it from drying out.
That said, he is still quite defensive of it. Asmo has tried for eons to get Barbs to let him so much as massage it and has nothing to show for it.
Needless to say, he is quite jealous that the MC gets to hold onto Barbs' tail if he has it out. Even more so that they have helped him wash it once or twice before, but still not often. Barbs doesn't let them abuse their tail privileges, after all.
When Barbs does let himself relax enough for some spoiling, he's very fond of letting the MC just glide and slide their hands along his tail for a little while. He knows the texture is slippery, but warm, and can feel quite nice on the skin so he's certain they enjoy it as much as he does.
Simeon
Simeon has a similar preening routine to Lucifer as their wings aren't too different, though Simeon wings are much, much bigger. His shirt isn't backless for nothing.
Simeon's wings also feel a lot different from Lucifer's. They're both soft, but it's the difference between stroking wool and petting a cloud, the two just can't compare. Simeon's wing feel light as air but brimming with sheer strength. They're just very impressive all around.
Unlike Lucifer, he doesn't burn his discarded feathers if they need to be plucked. He'll save them and either use them for writing quills or give them out to ill witches because angel feathers can be used to make excellent cure-alls. Solomon sometimes asks for a few as well.
Simeon gets very flustered whenever MC offers to help him preen. The first time they did it, he spent the whole time lightheaded and giddy. It was probably the most intimate part of his body they'd be allowed to touch for a long while, so he soaked in every moment of it.
Is always too shy to ask them for their help directly, but will literally jump at any offer they give him. Sometimes he pulls a Mammon and tries to subtly hint at it by mentioning how much his back is sore or worrying about his feathers outloud... Please help him, he is desperate.
(No Solomon, he is human, but I can assure you he bathes for whatever that's worth.)
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bones4thecats · 2 months
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Basic Headcanons Of Life With Their S/O
Type of Writing: #8 - Poll Result Characters: Kazutora Hanemiya, Keisuke Baji, Haruchiyo Sanzu, and Tetta Kisaki Name: Basic Headcanons Of Life With Their S/O Original Poll Link: Here
A/N: This isn't my best piece, but I do hope you guys at least kinda like it!
P.S: Kazutora's has slight spoilers for the manga, along with Sanzu's. Btw, these are mainly set in a world where it goes normal, but they're a hint more sane Sanzu and Kisaki
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🐯 Kazutora has major psychological issues, so, when he first got out of Juvenile Detention, you kept your distance from him, knowing if he ever got a hand on you, it wouldn't be the best
🐯 But, you were there for him while he went through his second sentence of Juvie, this one being for the death of Baji
🐯 You went alongside Draken and Takemichi when Kazutora was being held up, and you smiled and nodded to him as he cried. You knew he was trying to express himself and get better now, he couldn't, no, he wouldn't risk losing another person dear to him
🐯 Throughout the ten years he was placed in that building and speaking to professionals, he always awaited your weekly to daily visits
🐯 At the time he was released, you were living in a shared apartment with Chifuyu, who had asked if you were okay with Kazutora coming to stay with you guys for a while
🐯 Of course, you agreed and went with him to pick the now young man from his home of 10 years, and your close friend could tell that you were giddy about seeing your still-in-contact boyfriend
🐯 Kazutora just waited to see Chifuyu's vehicle, and he was quite happy when he saw his old friend, and, when he did see you come outside the opposite side, his eyes swelled up with tears. You actually came!
🐯 You and Chifuyu owned the Pet Store together, and you both welcomed Kazutora with open arms. He was like family after all, and it would be what Baji wanted
🐯 He and you began to grow just as close as you were back in his very youthful days, before the bike store incident and whatnot
🐯 Eventually, Chifuyu began to tease you guys that you treated the animals in the store as your own children. And while that did fluster Kazutora, he couldn't help but wonder; would you be alright with kids? Like when you guys finally settle together?
🐯 And now your chasing Chifuyu with a pissed off cat- oh shit the cat just lunged at him! Y/N!
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⚖️ Baji and you were childhood admirers. And by far this guy was super nervous whenever you even looked at him
⚖️ He loves to bring you around the city on his bike, especially after fights, he does like to flaunt off what he's got all to himself, after all, nobody can be duplicated, and he has the best S/O ever!
⚖️ Baji also adores to mess with you, probably not as much as a certain someone Mikey, but he does love messing with you. From grazing your arm while passing one another to messing your hair up, this guy loves to do it
⚖️ He is also very protective of you, and when I say someone is protective, I mean it
⚖️ Once time for example;
⚖️ You had been spending a lot of time alongside these guys from Toman, and they were brand-new members of the first division. And while he normally is happy to watch you get all giddy around people, he knew there was something up
⚖️ The thing that put it out like a sore thumb was when he was over at your house and he heard your phone ringing, making you groan and ask him to answer it
⚖️ Baji picked up the landline and just casually laid out who's house it was and if the person wanted to leave a message for either you or your family
⚖️ His eyes widened when he heard two chuckles on the other side of the line before hearing the most crude and revolting comments about you, and that was making him BEYOND pissed
⚖️ You were shocked to walk into your main room to see Baji yelling at the people on the other line, saying how disgusting they were and how they were surely going to be punished for such an action attempted on his S/O
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🎭 Sanzu and you had a difficult bond to decipher, so it shocks everyone when they see him walk up behind you and nuzzle into your neck
🎭 He, much like many of the Tokyo Revengers characters, is a very protective person. But he has a whole nother reason for being so protective of you, that being he didn't want you being hurt the same way that he has seen some others be
🎭 For some reason, I can see him being someone obsessed with crime shows and news, so in tole, I can see him watching those shows about people catching pedos (Undercover Underage for example)
🎭 Anyways, being with Sanzu is a roller coaster, especially when it comes to future him
🎭 He has gone through many problems throughout his life, from getting those scars on his mouth to dealing with substance abuse, this guy needs support like no other
🎭 And you were the perfect person to help him there
🎭 You, unlike many, did not just stand by and watch him get worse, instead, you jumped in and began to try helping your dearest with his problems, starting with his personal image of himself
🎭 Despite how many view him, Sanzu does have some issues with how he sees himself. He has a strained relationship with both his sister and brother, yet he somehow has an amazing one with you... how does that make any sense?
🎭 It doesn't. That is until you prompted the duo to actually speak to him about it, it was this action that prompted them to actually grow closer as a family, to be a real family again
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👓 Kisaki always had an eye for one person, Hina... that was, until you came into the picture
👓 You were always there for the male. Helping him calm down when his emotions finally cascaded around him, wrapping him in a web of overthinking
👓 But, every time you actually tried getting to know him, he would push you away. Until you assisted him in creating a plan to gain Hina's attention and break her and Takemichi away
👓 You could tell he was starting to have a mental break, and you weren't just going to stand aside knowing that you could've done something to help your friend. Even if this upset Hanma, it would be worth it
👓 Kisaki was raking his hands through his blonde hair, gritting his teeth while rubbing his temples, throwing his hands in a vicious cycle of brushing, gritting, and rubbing and repeat
👓 Walking behind him, you reached out and laid a cup of his favorite beverage on the table of your home's before lightly touching his shoulder, making him look at you in shock
👓 You smiled gently as he looked in your eyes as you wrapped your arms around his midsection. He couldn't believe it, you were hugging him! Didn't you think he was crazy for being so motivated to break such a happy couple up?
👓 Ever since that day, Kisaki and you somehow seemed closer than ever, closer than Hina and Takemichi seemed to be
👓 Speaking of the infamous time-traveler, he was shocked. This hadn't happened in any different timelines he traveled through. In all of them, Kisaki went mental and killed you. For what reason? He only had two hunches; you knew too much or he didn't want you to see him do anything worse...
👓 But, despite the shock, he'd have to admit, this was exactly what he wanted to happen. He always saw you guys as such a nice duo, it was nice to not worry about what Kisaki would do for once
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I Thought I Lost You
♡♡-Request: Mermaid!reader wears a pendant to breathe on land. You go on a date with your boyfriend Neuvillette; what could go wrong?
Content: hurt/comfort, mermaid!reader, gn!reader, near death experience.
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It was strange. To one day care so much for someone that you'd risk your life. Before you met Neuvillette, you stayed below the surface. Your tail cutting through the water as you swam, doing your daily routine of gathering sea creatures. Some for food others for your care, the days continued like this until one day; it was different.
In the distance, you caught sight of a man. Or what looked to be a man. He had scales too but his tail and form was….different. 
His swimming was ethereal, how easily he glided through the water. A family of otters swimming around with him. And for the first time, your heart beat turned irregular. You were scared at first, not understanding what it meant. But after talking with some friends, they told you that you more than likely were growing feelings for him. You took it to heart and worked your way up to speaking with him. He seemed just as nervous as you were. But he was always open for conversation. 
Eventually, you both confessed. Confused by your feelings but willing to try, he'd asked to kiss you that day. And you did.
Now? It's been five years and you couldn't be happier. There were issues at first, since you always lived below the surface and Neuvillette, you found, was extremely busy. Rarely having leisure time to visit you. So you decided to obtain a pendant, allowing you to breathe above water. There was a time limit to it and it even gave you legs in the process! As long as you stay dry. It was perfect. Before him, you never once thought about breaching the surface. Afraid of the outcome. But now you couldn't imagine not being able to walk among the shore and sun. 
"Your case. Is it truly that troubling?" You questioned, arms wrapped tight around his as you looked up at him. He gave a sigh, "I find most of my cases to be straight forward but this one…I'm unsure how I should proceed."
You gave him a smile, fiddling with your pendant. 
"I'm sure you'll figure it out. I trust your judgment and speaking of; why don't you choose where we have lunch today?" Your eyelashes fluttered, peering up at him. Giggling when the tips of his ears turned a bit red. "Very well, but I know you'll want somewhere with shellfish." You nod, allowing him to guide you into the city, you'd only been a handful of times. It was often too crowded for your tastes. 
"How about-" He stopped, his eyes slow to widen when he noticed. Even before you did, until you fell to the ground. Your tail sprouting as the struggle to breathe finally made you realize; someone took your pendant. Or knocked it off. You weren't sure who or when they'd managed, but now you couldn't breathe. Body twitching and mouth open agape, gasping. Your gills begging for oxygen from the water you swim through everyday. 
In an instant, you were lifted into his arms. The sky turning a dark gray as rain started to fall-it didn't make any sense but it was hard to dwell. Your vision getting blurry-you were going to die. That's all you could think. You were going to die.
Your hands tried to tug at him, you couldn't die without saying how much you loved him. But he wouldn't look at you. Refused to. His eyes hyper focused in front of him; he needed to get you to water. Now. 
"Neuv..-" "No." He refused. Refused. Refused. Refused. There. He could see water in his eyesight so he picked up his pace. 
"Please…" you gasped, "Neuvi-" your body was now airborne, being tossed into the water. Your eyes widened as you could finally breathe, even if it was an abrupt landing. "Please be okay…" you heard him muttering. His outfit soaked as he sat in the shallow part of the water. Rain falling down around him.
"Neuvi.."you said softly, breaching the surface. "Oh thank God." He let out a breath he'd been holding. "I thought I lost you…"
You smiled, "You could never lose me."
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