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pcttymcrlecu · 3 months

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dreams of someone ✒︎ m.barzal

summary: all lina’s dreams seemingly had come true – and then she met mat in a time where they both needed ... someone

featuring: mat barzal, lina thorne (oc), sydney esiason martin, and the rest of the martin family in mention

word count: 3.8k

warnings: none -- there is a ton of food mention though especially of the baked variety

dedication: this little one shot was written for bre (@fallinallincurls) for demi's winter fic exchange!

the last time ii wrote about mat was two or so years ago so please give me some grace. but writing this was the exact challenge that i needed so i really did enjoy writing it for you and adjusting it to suit your desires. so, i hope it meets your expectations and that you enjoy it!

and a little dedication as per always to demi (@wyattjohnston) for hosting and understanding that life sometimes happens.

It was a typical opening morning for Lina Thorne. She’d woken up at 4:30am, showered and got herself ready for her shift. It was a quick morning stroll to her place when the city that never sleeps was a lot quieter than and the sun was still well below the horizon and wouldn’t be painting the skies until the first batch of cookies was in the oven. The woman couldn’t hide the yawn that left her mouth as her key slid into the lock and the front door to the store opened.

Lina never imagined that she be living the dream in New York City, especially since her dreams of staying out in the big city upon finishing her internship with her mentor never came true. Instead, she found herself dreaming of what life in the big city could be for her, working in a bakery out in Boston honing her skills and surprisingly making herself seemingly at home. She had been referred for the position by her mentor despite his own wants to let the young chef go. Working her way into management and securing respect and acknowledgement in the pastry world. All an up-and-coming pastry chef could ask for. It wasn’t until during a prep day that her boss mentioned a position that she was put into consideration for that would lead her back to the city of her dreams and training not only as a baker but rather the head baker of the newest branch of the bakery she’d happily called home for the last three years.

However, as stood in the commercial kitchen under bright cool lights, being able to say she ran the little bakery on the island, she couldn’t help but pat herself on the back. The nerves had initially consumed her and although her boss and the owner of the bakery had been around for training of staff, prepping for the opening and the grand opening itself. Almost as soon as the store was open and running within the week, she was then solely in charge. It was days like this, however, that she loved the most. Mornings where she was able to get back into the very reason why she got into baking in the first place. It was a time when she could take a moment to herself and just breathe. Especially on a day like today when she had a big order to fill out, for none other than one of her newest friends in the neighbourhood.

Lina’s eyes flitted towards the clock, keenly aware that it was fast approaching time to slip the decorated sign on the door and let customers know that they were open. She had since been joined by two baristas and two of the bakers who were due to take over from her once the store opened up whilst she got her deliveries done before working through paperwork. The shout from one of the aforementioned baristas shook her out of her haze as she iced the cookies in front of her. Calling out for a moment, she finished up the cookie she was decorating before placing the pining bag down and reaching for the dishtowel.

Walking out into the front, she sent a smile to the two college students who were pulling down chairs and wiping tables before her eyes landed on a familiar head of hair tapping their fingers against her counter. Pulling a face of confusion, she moved towards him dropping the dishtowel.

“We’re not open yet.” She spoke before crossing her arms as he turned towards her. A smile that she could only describe as cheeky sat on his lips as he gave her a little shrug before leaning towards her.

“I was told to pick up a cookie deliver. Sydney’s orders,” He spoke with amusement filling his words, “There’s no saying no to that woman.”

“Mat, Syd’s order is set for delivery.” She wasn’t quite sure if she believed in what he was saying but it wasn’t in her nature to be unkind.

Lina had met Mat by chance and obviously all thanks to the woman currently in question. Sydney and a couple of the other wives and girlfriends of the Islanders had dropped by for a coffee date from which Sydney had made it her newest spot and was happily welcomed by the bakery’s staff as a regular. The more time Sydney spent in the establishment, the more opportunities she got to speak with young women and truly it was hard to say no to that woman. Before she knew it, she was being invited to dinners, and girls’ nights – she had even frequented hockey games which was something she hadn’t done since she was in culinary school. The late nights of the games just didn’t align with the early morning that was required of her at the store. It was one of the rare late nights she had free when she was invited by Sydney to a dinner party at the Martin residence and she had run into Mat. The story according to Syd was that Mat was only invited because of a recent break-up and them wanting him to be around people who loved him and wanted nothing but happiness for him. It, and Lina will quote, “is not a matchmaking setup” like other introductions to Sydney’s male friends of the same age as the baker had been.

The two had been seated next to one another and Mat’s glum mood had caught her attention. But not knowing anything of his current situation and maybe having had a little too much fun doing unplanned pres with the hostess with the mostess gifting her looser lips than normal, she had made a remark about his apparent brooding. A thought she assumed was just that but upon hearing the chatter quieten down a little, she realised her words most definitely left her mouth. Slowly lowering her glass to the table, she turned to apologise to the male beside her when the snort that he let out left her sorry and confused. It was all quickly replaced with intrigue when he shot back with a retort of his own, prompting the two adults into a comfortable and playful argument. It was that moment where instead of anticipating the presence of a certain blonde every day, she noticed a certain brunet make a place for himself at the table closest to the counter by the display case.

The baker had been warned against Matt’s teammates but none other than Matt himself. She’d gotten the idea that Matt was keenly aware of his wife’s ability to befriend people and more importantly take them under her wing, if how quickly she was welcomed into the family dynamic of Martins was anything to go by. Regarding dating, who was she to question a man who spent most of his time with said teammates, she doubted she’d ever even meet and if she ever did, so many faces pass through her doors, she wouldn’t even remember them. Which is why the hockey player who had chosen to make himself a fixture had initially garnered a little apprehension from her but without fail, he always came in and grabbed a coffee (and a cake on those days he chose to treat himself), his a seat and left when he was all done, never without a generous tip. He was kind enough to her staff and even kinder to the other regulars who were in at the same time as him, so she let him be. All business is good business, even though she knew for a fact there were coffee shops much closer to his apartment, the arena and even the practice facility. But who was she to complain.

She couldn’t remember when it started but she eventually started joining him when he’d visit in the mornings. Their chats were surprisingly something familiar, and comfortable, like talking to an old friend. They joked and teased but most of the time they just let go. It had been a couple weeks since they first met, and it wasn’t until the second week of them sharing a drink that he’d actually opened up about why he was looking so glum the night they had met and why he was hanging around her café. How he got her store details from Sydney and how he was drawn to the fact that she didn’t handle him as though he was fragile. How all he had wanted when it felt like someone he cared about deeply had uprooted him from his very foundation was normalcy. And that’s what Lina gave him. He was just another friend of a friend to her; he was just Mat to her. Not heartbroken Mat, not healing Mat, not even NHL superstar – Just Mat.

“Well, you’re not all that Mathew.” She had stated to which he could only respond with a soft ‘Exactly’. Ever since that moment, they had shared ample time with one another both in and outside of his coffee trips. And despite the time Mat has been spending within their four brick walls, it was still a surprise to see him at the store before opening.

“Can’t be, she sent me a frantic message at 7 telling me she needed a favour and who am I to fulfil my favourite uncle duties,” He explained before sending a wink her way, “Anything for Winnie.”

“Yeah, she lied to you,” She answered, giving him a double pat on the shoulder and a short cackle before moving over and opening the gate for the man, “One time only, might as well put you to work.”

The two of them made their way to the kitchen and while Mat went to wash his hands (not before Lina pointed a firm finger towards the sink to gently direct him to do so), Lina grabbed him a free apron and tossed it over his shoulder. Moving back to the station where the last of the cookies were waiting to be decorated and then packed away for delivery.

“So, what can I do?” Mat slipped the apron over his head as he leaned over to observe the spread of baked goods before glancing back over at her. His confident smile slowly slipped off his face as she grabbed a piping bag and handed it over to him.

“I line, you flood.”

“Didn’t you train like three years for this?” Giving the bag a gentle squish and frowning when no icing flowed out.

“It’s basically impossible to mess it up, it’s like colour by numbers,” She explained softly as she grabbed a pair of scissors and snipped the end of the piping bag while adjusting his hand to make sure no icing was wasted. Pulling the cookies, she was previously working on in front of him all lined and ready to fill in front of him, before gesturing towards the piping bag and gesturing back to the cookies. “Match the flood colour to the line colour. Winnie does it all the time.”

“While I know that’s not really true, the dig hurts.” His free hand flew up to his chest in mock hurt before laughing and finally putting icing to cookie with an almost amusing amount of concentration.

“Get filling pretty boy, I will not have my little princess disappointed.”

The two of them worked almost like a well-oiled machine. It almost felt like she was back in culinary school, helping out with the younger years. They weren’t always perfect, but their hearts were always in the right place and if there was one thing she had learnt about Mat was that his heart was always in the right place. Almost to a fault. The whole bravado he put on was more like a mask. At least in front of her. He never had any walls up with her, but he definitely had worn the walls she constructed when she moved down. She always knew that those walls had to come down eventually, but she definitely didn’t expect it would come from a chance encounter with a random stranger. The girls and her staff had done their fair share and warming her up and making her feel at home but the first time she ever truly let herself be with no pretences and no fears of being judged and not fitting in was sitting in the store over a cup of coffee with Mat.

Before long, all the cookies, cupcakes, and the grand finale cake of it all were packed into the refrigerated bakery van ready for transportation to the Martins' house, where preparations, if the texts and calls she had received from Sydney were anything to go by, were well underway. Despite Mat’s pleas to drive, Lina kept a firm hold of the keys until they were safely parked in their friends’ driveway. Grabbing her garment bag from its place hanging in the backseat, she walked up to the front door. Mat’s knuckles were knocking against the wooden door as Lina reached him up on the front step. His eyes were drawn to the bag in her hand, and he couldn’t help but bring up his curiosity.

“What’s with the change of attire?”

“As if I’m going to spend the rest of the day in clothing that’s covered in powdered sugar, flour and dried batter and dough. Plus, if I’m going to be around kids with surprisingly sticky hands, I’m going to start with a fresh slate.” Her words were light and humorous and before Mat could even attempt a response, the door opened and a hand was wrapped around Lina’s wrist, pulling her into the house quickly.

“Thank goodness you’re here, I need your help.” The blonde in front of her pulled her to the side before aggressively motioning to Mat who was still pulling his shoes off. He almost comically pointed to himself before looking behind him only to be physically pulled into their little huddle a second later, “There’s so much left to sort out and both Alice and Winnie want pancakes. Help Matty and I out?”

“Don’t think I’m your guy, I’mma just –“

“Of course we can help, go do what you need to do,” Lina responded, grabbing onto Mat’s arm before he walked away. Sydney gave her a smile and with a blown kiss, she was gone. Once her friend was out of view, Lina’s hand swung up to Mat’s shoulder, “Really?”

“What?” He was greeted simply with a shaken head as she slipped her own shoes off along with her jacket before she walked into the kitchen. Pouting at the lack of an answer, he followed her quickly “What?”

Mat watched as she made quick work of pulling out the necessary ingredients and equipment for the pancakes. Pulling up one of the bar stools, he settled into a routine that was very much a typical evening for them. Since he frequented the store so much, Lina had decided that for all the real estate he was taking away from her other customers, he had to give something back and that was how he became her official taste tester. Once, every other month they’d get together and along with a constantly refilled glass of wine (courtesy of Mat), she’d bake all her experimental recipes and flavour pairings on him. It was one of the things that she loved about him. She loved simply baking with no pressure of it being commercially viable and nothing is better than baking for someone who is more than happy to consume. Even if it means she has to put up with the constant whining about how her goods are going to make a certain someone work harder at the gym.

The two worked in a comfortable quiet, Mat had put music on the Alexa quiet enough not to disturb anything happening in the other parts of the house. Mat was picking at the tester pancake before he hopped off the stool and made his way over to the cupboard and pulled out the Nutella and a spoon, before settling himself beside the baker who was humming along to the music.

“What happened to all that ‘I’m a disciplined athlete’ talk?”

“I’m just a man and you’re out here teasing me with all those amazing treats you made me decorate and now you expect me to not have at least one spoonful of chocolatey goodness?” Forcefully scooping up a spoonful of said spread, her pointed it in her direction for a moment before shoving it in his mouth, “You have too much faith in me.”

“Oh, now that is pushing it,” She said flipping one of the pastries onto a plate before turning to face him as she poured more batter on the hot plate, “Would you please just cut some strawberries and stuff?”

Although it wasn’t without complaints, sure enough, they were working side by side. Lina flipping pancakes and Matt cutting strawberries into quarters as they quietly spoke about their weeks, catching each other up on their respective TV shows.

“You know this is what I miss the most.” Lina hummed in question at his statement, only slightly inclining her head in his direction, “I miss just having someone to talk to. To exist with. To be with.”

Silence flooded through the pair as her head turned towards him as he continued chopping the fruit, a bittersweet smile on his face. She took a deep breath as she felt a wave of emotion flood through her as his words processed in her head. Her hand was on the dial, turning the heat off and placing the spatula down. Her words came out as an unsteady breath as she turned fully towards him. “Oh Mat…”

“I know I’ve already talked you to death about … that situation but –“ Mat lowered the knife but still made no effort to look in her direction and shook his head slightly before huffing out a quiet laugh, “It’s not just that you didn’t treat me like I could break but the time we spent together, the conversations we had. It almost felt like having someone again. Except this time, it was in the shape of friend – someone I can’t lose. Until I kept getting to know how wonderful you are.”

The words to comfort the man in front of her were proving difficult to come by so Lina simply stepped towards him and did the only thing she could think of, wrapped her arms around him. With one arm around his back and the other holding onto his arm, she laid her head on his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze.

“I’ve done the whole break up thing before I don’t know why this time it was difficult. I guess I got too comfortable with the wrong person, I don’t know but I know it was wrong now. I knew it was wrong the moment I had coffee with you for the first time because you made me feel more heard and all you were doing was entertaining a customer who wouldn’t leave your store.” She couldn’t help the laugh that left her, giving him a whole-body nudge and shaking her head as it pressed against his bicep muttering a soft ‘not true’.

Lina felt Mat’s head move to look towards her, moving her own to look up at him but keeping him in her soft hug. She would never admit it to him, considering the subconscious promise she made to herself upon finding out he was still working through his breakup. Their eyes met and he couldn’t help the smile that floated onto his lips until a little embarrassment covered his face, “Sydney didn’t tell me to come and collect Win’s treats, I just hoped if I turned up, I wouldn’t have to share your attention with your customers.”

“I’ve told you before Mathew you never have to be jealous of customers taking me away from you. I’ll always be there for you,” She muttered, pulling away before turning him until they were chest to chest, “I know we joke but I truly will always be there for you. Maybe covered in icing but always there.”

“And I you,” At his words, she wrapped her arms around his neck giving him a proper hug.

Inhaling deeply, she felt him do the same as his arms wrapped firmly around her trapping her between them, not that she was complaining. Her mind rushed through the past couple weeks of her life since meeting the man and she couldn’t believe just how close and open she had got with him. There were people she’d met during culinary school and knew for 4 years and worked with in Boston for 3 years who didn’t know as much about who she was outside of the kitchen as Mat did, and she’d barely known him for a couple months.

He had an interest in getting to know her and just wanted to sit and speak with her, whether or not he had his own ulterior motives for appreciating her company, they bonded. They spent a lot of time together doing nothing more than talking in their own little world. Lina would go as far as to say that she knew him and not just superficially but at a much deeper level and she could entirely feel what he was saying about how being with her feels because she felt the exact same way. Releasing him from her hold, she was suspended on her toes as Mat took a little longer to pull his arms away. She laughed softly, keeping her hands perched on his shoulders as she looked up at him with a soft and gentle smile.

“You bring me peace too,” She whispered, letting out a breath as she steeled herself to admit her truth to him, something that she’d become very comfortable with so what did she have to lose this time, “I love being your someone, because you’re my someone.”

If Mat was smiling before, the smile that took over her face at her words was rivalling the sun. A deep sigh left his mouth, and it was almost like all the tension that had filled his body since he started speaking had been loosened instantly. His shoulder dropped as the tension fell away and his hands found hers up on his shoulders, holding them tight between them. He went to speak but a shout of ‘LiLi’ filled both of their ears from the living room. Touching his forehead against hers, they both laughed gently as the shouts got closer and more frequently. Pushing back up on her toes, Lina pressed a firm kiss to his cheek before pulling away. Giving him one last peck on the cheek before she properly pulled away.

“Later?” He simply smiled at her question as the sound of small footfalls got closer.

“Later.”

#mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal fic #mat barzal x oc #( m writing. )#the winter fic exchange 2k24 #( I think I saved my graphic funny because I've been fighting with the quality for like half an hour )#( sorry this is late bre :( but I hope you enjoy it )#( this was both a challenge to write but I've been meaning to write mat again for literally years so thanks for the change bre and demi )#( this was supposed to be posted earlier but my dad just flew back home from attending my nana’s funeral so i spent the day with him oops )

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the-yearning-astronaut · 5 months

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Do people know there's a difference between:

an aro spec character being "cured" of their aromanticism by their "one true love" by the end of the narrative

And:

An aro spec character who finds one of the few people they happen to click with in an amorous (but not necessarily romantic) way by the end of the narrative

Does anyone understand that aromanticism is a SPECTRUM and that someone writing an aro character finding someone they want to be in a relationship with might be doing so for reasons other than 'curing' them?

And the same thing for ace spec characters! And, you know, actual people.

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betweenxt-the-lines · 21 days

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Fic Analysis: Found in the Crack of Your Palm

Disclaimer: This analysis will contain SPOILERS. I encourage you to read the one-shot first before reading this post.

Read the fanfic here, and don't forget to leave kudos and comments to the author, @the-furthest-city-light! It's a very good time, to the point of inspiring me into writing ovo

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The main draw that I had with this fanfic in the first place is that it characterizes Luffy as demisexual. His and Zoro's relationship is cleverly paced and built up from their small, bite-sized scenarios that capture the slow but eventual realization and admittance of his romantic feelings to Zoro.

While the one-shot is divided in several different scenes spanning many settings, The scenes in the crow’s nest with Luffy and Zoro are the most vital scenes of the fanfic. We see that throughout the story, only these two characters are shown to frequent the crow's nest. It's also the only place in the story where Zoro and Luffy allow for their vulnerability and openness to shine through, making this the location of Luffy's "checkpoint" where he reflects on his feelings and overall progress of his relationship with Zoro.

Being unaware of his feelings

When first introduced to the crow’s nest, Luffy at this point has made small notices that he’s been paying attention to Zoro in a way he’s not done with another person. In the scene before, Luffy was focused on Zoro’s physical features for the first time and he notes that it bubbles up a strange reaction inside of him.

... Zoro lying against the mast, the tender underbelly of him exposed. It does weird things to Luffy’s chest, makes his skin feel tight. His palms tingle, an itch beneath his skin to – to –

Luffy stops his line of thinking by engaging in usual Luffy shenanigans (shooting a fish with a canon) to distract himself. Going back to Luffy and Zoro's scene in the crow’s nest, Luffy also catches the way the moon illuminates and paints Zoro’s features. Both of these scenarios points the start of his interest in Zoro. However, he too unaware of this behaviour to notice a shift within himself, and easily gives in to distractions. After staring at Zoro and taking in the night sky, Luffy comments,

“It’s pretty”, Luffy says when he’s done looking at the stars

But for someone who was just done looking at the stars, he’s paying an awful amount of more attention and focus on the way Zoro looks. Zoro’s features were intentionally described in more length, indicative of the amount of attention that Luffy was giving to them. By comparison, there was not a single description of the star’s beauty in the night sky. This made me believe that Luffy was unaware about how he’s using the stars as a cover for the feelings that he has not (for now) discovered. Luffy no doubt finds the stars to be beautiful, but he does not realize that he's not quite referring to the stars, but to Zoro. Checkpoint one in Luffy's relationship with Zoro displays that he's started to notice things about Zoro, something that he does not do for others.

Two crucial moments and the slow realization

By the second time we are privy to the events in the crow’s nest, Luffy had experienced two big events that caused a turning point with his development and realization about his feelings: the battle at Whiskey Peak, and the Battle with the Marines. Both of these scenarios forced Luffy to realize that he likes Zoro differently from how he likes his other close friends and family, putting him a step closer to finding out that his feelings may not be entirely platonic. I want to discuss each turning point in great detail because they provide the push Luffy needed to complete his realization, which he will then be reflecting and pondering on in the crow’s nest.

In the battle of Whiskey Peak, Luffy for the first time faces Zoro as an enemy. Luffy has always known that Zoro enjoys his battles, but he also gains another understanding with the way he fights. When the swordsman battles, he gives his utmost focus and attention to his enemy.

After Whiskey Peak he’s almost—he’s almost jealous, of the people Zoro fights. Not because he wants to fight Zoro, but because Zoro affords all his focus to those he fights, the whole entire strength of him.

Luffy realizes that he likes being given that attention and admits that he is jealous of the people Zoro fights. Even for a small moment, Luffy gets a preview of what it is like to be Zoro’s everything, and he desperately craves that feeling again. Their skirmish ended with Luffy gaining a scar on his bicep that he is fond of because the scar is a proof of Zoro's connection with him, almost like he now as a part of Zoro. Luffy becomes more drawn to his swordsman as he now realizes what it will be like to be his only focus.

He notices that Zoro only shaves once a week, but by day five his stubble is visible and by day six it starts bugging him. … He notices Zoro doesn’t touch him, but he lets Luffy pull him along without much complaint. So he finds himself yanking Zoro into his space at the dining table or pulling him along across Merry’s deck to show him cool stuff or hugging him one-sidedly like it’s the most natural thing in the world. If he’s really, really lucky, then Zoro will turn to look at him with this smile that he only gives Luffy. And always, always, when Zoro looks at him with that smile, his eyes soften in a way that fills Luffy up to the brim, so full he can’t breathe. It’s weird. Luffy likes it. He likes Zoro in general.

At this point of the story, Luffy is much more deliberate with paying attention to the little details of Zoro, signifying that he’s now aware of how much his eyes shift to his swordsman. He starts to find small excuses to continuously touch and be around him, realizing that he likes Zoro. Based on what we’ve seen of Luffy so far, it is hard to say he's referring to a romantic “like”, but it is not a stretch to believe that Zoro has gained his interest in a way that other people did not. He clues in that Zoro makes him feel strange, but he likes this feeling that Zoro gives him. Luffy even makes an attempt with sharing this discovery.

I don’t mind,” Luffy tells him, and stuffs his mouth full of a ham hock. He is so glad they have Sanji on the crew now. “Zoro can touch me."

The second turning point comes with the battle with the Marines. The fight is well-paced, carrying the right amount of energy with its punch and challenges, portraying that despite the Straw Hats needing to take the fight a little more seriously than usual, they will still be victorious. The fight contained its dangers, but the lighthearted banter and communications within the Straw Hats imply that they will triumph.

It is at the end of the battle, however, that brings Luffy's next development with his feelings for Zoro. Zoro scolds Luffy for his inaction after warning him of an incoming attack. Understanding that Luffy is okay, and that he’s taken more hits than his captain, Zoro softens. Luffy notices that Zoro is giving him his full attention, similar to how he did when they battled in Whiskey Peak. When Zoro clasps the back of Luffy’s head, Luffy starts to have an ecstatic reaction. This is our first look of Luffy's desire for Zoro, something he never had with anyone else.

None of it explains the way Luffy’s body lights up when Zoro clasps the back of his neck, like every nerve is alight and trained on the palm cupping the baby hairs at the back of his skull. His stomach knots over itself and he wants to eat everything in Sanji’s kitchen. Zoro’s skin is a little rough and sweaty from fighting and warm. Zoro is close, so close, his forehead nearly butting Luffy’s and Luffy couldn’t move if he wanted to, trapped there by the closeness and the touch that makes him aware of Zoro’s skin against his in a way he’s never been before. Zoro’s eyes bore into his, digging deep into Luffy and dragging out—something, buried in the base of his spine. He feels like the earth is tilting, and freefall seems like it might be fun. Luffy licks his lips, his mouth dry and his heartrate frantic.

As the moment between him and Zoro is broken, Luffy wanted Zoro’s attention back. Now aware for his desire for Zoro, Luffy is unable to handle this new turn of events, “…his [Luffy] brain blank and empty with static,” and “feeling weird and off-balance.” Zoro’s attention is now directed to Chopper was patching him up, and Luffy (for the first time) blushes as he takes in the details of Zoro’s back muscles and movements.

Zoro’s bared back faces Luffy, and it suddenly seems—different. Luffy’s never noticed the way the muscles on Zoro’s back stand out, connect, contract as he moves. He’s never noticed how his tanned skin seems to glow in the afternoon light, or how his shoulder-blades stand out, framing the divot of his spine. His face feels too warm. Everything feels too warm. Luffy tears his gaze away, and finds Sanji staring at him, one curly eyebrow raised.

With Luffy’s two reactions (blushing and the feelings he got when Zoro touched him on the back of his neck), I believe this is the point where Luffy realizes he has a crush on Zoro, even if he still does not understand what that entails. It’s also worth noting that right after Luffy notices his desires , his hunger pangs starts, desperate to fill a gap within himself with food. Even as he lays awake on his bunk at night and fed, he’s having trouble with sleep. I see this as Luffy making an attempt at trying to satiate his feelings of crush for Zoro with food, because he doesn’t know how to go about wanting his swordsman. Luffy’s a bit of a stress eater, and honestly, he’s me fr fr.

It’s no coincidence that he climbs into the crow’s nest the next night, now with a bit more of an understanding of his feelings about the swordsman, but also with many thoughts to ponder over. When he looks over at Zoro and absorbs the details of how the moon has painted Zoro’s features, Luffy reacts the same way he did during the aftermath of the battle with the Marines: blushing and wanting Zoro’s attention. To notice that he’s feeling new things about his swordsman. Wanting to touch him.

And just like what happened after, Luffy once again stops himself from saying what he wants. He tried to share his thoughts with Zoro, but it comes out lacking and not completely what he’s meaning to say. He still has no idea how to go about resolving and sharing how he feels with Zoro.

“Zoro,” Luffy starts. He hears Zoro move to look over at him, but doesn’t know how to voice what he wants to ask. He frowns in thought, and Zoro makes a questioning noise. “I like it up here,” Luffy tells him. It’s not what he wants to say but it’s true regardless. He looks up at Zoro because Zoro always seems to understand him with just a look, and he thinks he may as well give it a shot now. Zoro’s expression is soft, and he nods. But there’s no light of understanding or realization in his eyes, and whatever Luffy’s thinking or feeling misses its mark. That’s okay—it’s not like Luffy knows what he meant in the first place.”

As Luffy understands that he’s gaining non-platonic feelings for Zoro, he’s becomes unsure. Luffy (who throughout this story) has been confident and does not give too much of a thought about his actions, shows hesitation for the first time. He knows he wants Zoro, but he still does not completely understand what a crush means, or how to go about having a crush.

This second crow’s nest scene summarizes Luffy’s current progress on his feelings towards Zoro: aware of his non-platonic feelings, but doesn’t quite know what it is or what he’s going to do with it. The reason he’s been able to come to this conclusion is because of his discoveries both during the fight in Whiskey Peak and the Marines. In fact, I stand to believe that it’s not a coincidence that it’s during battles that Luffy makes these realizations. Zoro is a man of few words, and uses his actions to do the talking, which is fitting, that Luffy starts to fall for him as Zoro shows himself more through his actions.

Action and Conclusion

In the third (and final) time we’re shown in Luffy and Zoro’s moment in the crow’s nest, we reach a culmination of Luffy’s efforts to understanding and addressing how he feels about Zoro. To get to this point, he seeks out the help of Nami as he knows he won't go far trying to figure things out on his own. Nami and Vivi are in a relationship in this story, and Luffy is aware that they’ve kissed and done other romantic actions. This displays Luffy’s observant nature and accurate assessment, making the connection that what he’s feeling for Zoro is likely how Nami feels for Vivi.

Nami explains that she partakes in romantic endeavours with Vivi is that she’s attracted to Vivi, which Luffy does not understand.

“… but you know how, like, you can look at a person and think they’re pretty or hot but it’s kind of—objective? Remote? And how with other people you notice they’re pretty and also you feel like you want to be near them or touch them?” Luffy tilts his head to the side. “No?” “Hmm,” Nami frowns. “What about, like, butterflies? Where you see someone and get kind of nervous and hot because you like them?” Luffy scrunches his nose. He can’t remember being nervous about…well, anything, ever.

Luffy’s demisexuality comes into the forefront of the story and is a major factor into him not understanding his feelings for Zoro. Being demisexual means that the person can’t be drawn to another solely on their physical appearance, or if they don’t know a person deeply. Prior to meeting Zoro, Luffy has never been nervous about a person, felt the feelings of “butterflies” in his stomach, or the need to touch someone and be near them. It’s curious that Luffy does not think about his reactions to Zoro when Nami was describing attraction, even when he did experience the same feelings. However, there is reason to believe that this is because at this point, Luffy does not connect the dots that his nervousness and uncertainty is linked with his romantic feelings for Zoro. As Nami made Zoro leave the kitchen, allowing for a more private conversation between her and Luffy, he opens to ask his true question: If he wants to kiss Zoro. Luffy explains to Nami that he’s never had the urge to do this with someone before, therefore attributing to his confusion.

“He doesn’t think it makes a lot of sense, since most of Luffy’s explanations have to do with Zoro staring or how it suddenly feels weird to touch his swordsman or how he really, really wants Zoro to touch him. He tells them he feels—squirmy around Zoro now and it’s not restlessness or hunger or anything else he knows how to deal with, how he wants to say something but he doesn’t know what.”

It is worth noting here that Luffy is an amateur when attempting to describe how he feels about Zoro. Not only that, but he describes his feelings objectively, as he only talks about the sensations in his body and wanting to do something about it. Luffy has felt happy, excited, and nervous when thinking about Zoro, but he does not describe any of these feelings to Nami. I see this as Luffy not being aware of how his feelings shifts when he is thinking about Zoro. Nami realizes that Luffy works better with action-based learning to resolving his feelings, and tells Luffy to ask Zoro for permission when wanting to do something with him. Luffy is then excited at the prospect of asking Zoro for a hug, because even in his uncertainty, getting an affirmation from the person in question is a direct and definitive way to having an answer.

Luffy decides on the next day that he’s going to ask Zoro for a hug, waiting patiently for him to finish his workout. He homes in on the way Zoro’s body and muscles move.

Zoro squats, and as he squats he exhales through his mouth. His abs bend and his thighs bulge through the fabric of his trousers. He rises, and his stomach contracts as he inhales through his nose, his broad chest bulging and his shoulders pinned back under the weight he’s holding. Luffy follows the line off his shoulders to the swell of his biceps, the tension of his forearms and the firmness of his grip around the barbell. Luffy watches the motion of Zoro’s hips for a moment but it makes a flush of something deep and sharp slide through him, something unexpected. He imagines Zoro turning around, imagines watching him do this from behind, and he has to look away, imagining the muscles of Zoro’s back move and twitch beneath his skin, his trousers filling with his butt on each squat— Luffy squirms, the first flash of impatience hitting him. He wants to touch Zoro. He wants to hug him. Or something.”

The usually hyperactive and excitable Luffy is still and quiet when observing Zoro because he’s enamoured. He even goes as far as imagining what it would be like for him to stare at Zoro from behind but cuts off his line of thought by thinking of doing something else to distract himself. It took Luffy this long to find Zoro attractive, a feeling that Nami described to him earlier in the kitchen.

Zoro is confused by Luffy at this point because he’s waited two hours to ask a seemingly mundane question, but this shows how important this is to Luffy for him to sit still and wait. He wants Zoro to have his full attention when answering his question, and only with Zoro’s permission did he go for the hug.

“Do hugs make you feel good?” Luffy asks, curious. He knows Zoro doesn’t like touch like Luffy does, so it would be disappointing but not weird for Zoro to say no. “I—don’t—maybe?” Zoro squirms and it makes Luffy giggle as his muscles move underneath him. “It’s—fine, I guess.” Luffy leans back in the hug so he can see Zoro’s face. He’s still sweaty from his workout, and red from the exertion, but he’s scowling hard, his whole face pinched into it. His glare is fixed on Luffy’s face, firm and unrelenting. Luffy studies him, looking for objection, for discomfort or dislike. He grins.”

Luffy values Zoro’s opinion on the hug because this is a step closer to figuring out the answer to his main question (if he wants to kiss Zoro). He is expectedly happy that Zoro finds no problem with his hug, and he is now able to act on his affections with hugs. In addition, he tells Zoro to hug him back whenever he wants, showing that Luffy wants Zoro to be open with affection the way he is to Zoro.

As Luffy gets more comfortable with asking Zoro for hugs, he extends to other methods of physical touches like head pats, touches on the arms, putting sunscreen on the back, and holding his hands. Zoro is undoubtedly confused by this new behaviour but continues to indulge with Luffy’s every requests. Luffy notes the strange feelings in his body, his “heart squeezes hard in his chest and freezes the air in his lungs.” He eventually becomes greedy for Zoro’s touches, and asks for more.

His greed reaches a tipping point when he asks Zoro to sit on his lap during a dinner. Zoro’s confusion on Luffy’s behaviour turns into hurt and embarrassment, causing him to storm out of the establishment.

“I don’t get it,” Zoro says after a moment. He’s staring at Luffy with—wait, what, that looks like—hurt, or embarrassment, or— “Why are you being so weird the last few days?” Luffy frowns. “I’ve been asking.” “Yeah, and—” Zoro runs his hand through his hair, frustrated. He glares at nothing, somewhere above their heads, and squeezes the hilt of his white sword. “Forget this. Someone should watch the ship.”

While Luffy is confused with the reaction, Zoro’s hurt and embarrassment is not surprising. I’ve held off from talking about Zoro’s point of view so far because we are not privy to much of his thoughts or feelings in comparison to Luffy’s openness and having his heart on his sleeve. However, Zoro’s frustration and pain at this moment quickly clicked with me because of what he’s seen from Luffy's behaviour so far. When Luffy was asking Nami to explain attraction, he was there to witness that conversation and watch Luffy get increasingly confused with Nami’s descriptions. He does not believe that Luffy understood what it was. Coupling this detail with Luffy’s frequent requests for closeness and affection, Zoro concludes that Luffy is doing this out of curiosity, unaware of how the touches made Zoro feel. In a way, he might have felt like his emotions are being played with, even if it was not Luffy’s intention.

With the encouragement of his friends, Luffy would ultimately decide that he doesn’t want to keep betting around the bush with getting an answer to his original question, and moves to go after Zoro to do what he wanted to do since the beginning. It is here that we reach the third (and final!) scene, in the crow’s nest where Luffy and Zoro will confess their feelings.

In the final scenario at the crow’s nest plays differently from the two former events in the crow’s nest, with Luffy now understanding what he wants and intending to share his direct and honest thoughts with Zoro.

He opens with saying “It’s pretty,” but this time, he’s looking at Zoro. He is setting an intention to make Zoro understand that he’s not talking about the stars, but about him. Zoro asks him why he’s been behaving strange the past few days, because Luffy was never the type of person to ask for permission about anything. Luffy’s explanation and build up with his inner turmoil throughout the story is revealed.

“I’ve never liked someone the way, like, Nami likes Vivi or Usopp likes Kaya. I thought I didn’t get like that and I didn’t really care. Except you…” “….And I started thinking about—how the way I like you feels different, how I notice things about you I don’t notice for anyone else, like the way you have nice hands or how you always clean your swords a certain way or when you like to shave, and I—“ Luffy scowls, because the words are kind of hard to say suddenly, “My favorite scar is the one you gave me, and sometimes I want to bite you so we match.” “…So like, then I realized that I want you to look at me all the time, because no one looks at me like you do, and I want you to touch me all the time, because it feels different and good and stuff when you touch me. It’s fun and I like it, and I want to touch you lots.” … (He really, really hopes that’s what Zoro wants too.) … (Oh—huh. What if it’s not?) “…Nami said I should practice if I wasn’t sure what I wanted, and I did, so now I know what I want,” Luffy says, determined now that he’s said this much—the adrenaline in his veins feels a lot like nerves and he wants to laugh at his older self for scoffing at the idea. Maybe Luffy’s laying his heart bare too, without even realizing it. He flushes, looks Zoro in the eye, and smiles as big as he can.”

As a demisexual, Luffy does not start to develop feelings for a person unless he has a deep connection with them first. He may have many friends who he considers precious, but he’s been around Zoro the longest at this point of his journey to becoming a pirate king. He also matches with him in many aspects, operating from similar wavelengths and capable of having wordless conversations because they just understand each other that deeply. Luffy’s attraction to Zoro needed to take a long period of build up and slow realizations, perfectly timed and crafted by the author as they guide the readers from the start to the realization, and to the conclusion of Luffy’s romantic development. It started from the small observations, following by the realization that he wants Zoro differently that came much later after he’d gone through two major moments that recontextualized the way he sees Zoro.

Because Luffy is unsure about what to do with his romantic affections, he takes Nami’s suggestions to heart. Since Luffy has no previous understanding of romance or romantic gestures, he hesitates on what to do next. He’s only newly come to terms with his romantic feelings, therefore he struggles with asking Zoro for a kiss or how to initiate it.

As Luffy was about to ask Zoro for a kiss, his mouth is covered by his swordsman’s hand. It’s ironic how Luffy was told to ask permission when he’s unsure, and by asking for a kiss, he displays that he’s doubting himself as he asks for the kiss. Zoro doesn’t allow him to complete his question, showing Luffy that he does not need to doubt himself any longer. Putting a hand on the back of his neck, he captures his lips, and the moment reaches its eventual climax.

“Captain doesn’t need to ask me,” Zoro repeats, his voice rough and low and his breathing is ragged too. “Captain should just take what he wants.”

When it comes to romance, Luffy started out not knowing of the feeling or how to deal with it, needing the guidance from his friends and explicit permission from Zoro to progress and do what he thinks is right. Romance is not an easy feeling to navigate, and it’s normal to feel the uncertainty and nervousness of the pressure to make it "feel right" when sharing your feelings and handling the overwhelming desires that comes from them.

Luffy was able to arrive to his answer and find the courage to share them, undoubtedly from the help of his friends, but also because he’s had plenty of time to reflect and sit with what he’s feeling and experiencing.

Found in the Crack of your Palm is a story about the slow yet steady build up of eventual romance and feeling it for the first time. The journey to the romance was eventful, but all it took was having the turning points to open the floodgates of the dormant feelings that was eager to be noticed. The moment can be as small as finding and feeling a scar on your bicep, a crack in your palm that opened the eyes to the realization that you’ve been wanting a certain someone to be a part of you as long as they can and forever if the stars allow for so. It’s the feeling of wanting to hold another person’s cracked palms and hands into your own as you take on the world together for all the challenges and joys that you both are about to experience, together.

#zolu #luzo #ff: found in the crack of your palm #au: the-furthest-city-light #thank you for allowing me to write an analysis on your fic 😭❤#it sits as one of my fave zolu works #and extra points because i am also demi and therefore Luffy is extra kinnie to me. i love him here. i love his development with zoro #one piece #fanfic analysis

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laurenairay · 11 months

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we’re lost and found - A. Beauvillier

Summary: “It’s always going to be you, Bells.”

One visit to Vancouver changes everything for the friendship of Anthony Beauvillier and Isabella Thornton.

A/N: This is my entry for @wyattjohnston‘s birthday bingo!! I really hope you enjoy this Demi – I cycled through various combinations and players before I was happy with the following for Beau: trade angst, friends to lovers, playlists as a love language, “it’s always going to be you”, the morning after the night before. I haven’t written a full fic for Beau before so this was a fun challenge! And yes, I fudged the last game in the Canucks schedule for creative licensing. Happy birthday my dear 💛

Title from Wings, by Birdy. Here is the final playlist mentioned in the story.

Words: 14k

Warnings: angst, miscommunication, sappy sweetness, idiots in love.

Thank you @cellythefloshie for being the most amazing beta and cheerleader while I was writing this!

“Cabin crew, prepare for landing. Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be arriving in Vancouver. Please ensure all hand luggage is stowed, tray tables are folded away, and your seatbelts are fastened.”

Even as her stomach swooped with the slow descent of the airplane, Isabella couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. She’d been up since the crack of dawn. Her first flight from JFK airport leaving at 7am, and with the layover stop in Seattle lasting one and a half hours, she was more than ready to be done with travelling for the day. It wasn’t that Isabella disliked flying though – she just wanted to be on solid ground. This trip was to be a mixture of business and pleasure; her work wanted her to go to an industry conference to support a couple of the Sales guys giving speeches, her marketing role allowing her that first-hand experience; the conference was scheduled from Tuesday 11th April to Thursday 13th April, but she had decided to fly in on the Saturday before, also taking a vacation day either side of the conference, to extend her time in Vancouver.

Why? Because one of her closest friends had moved from New York to Vancouver only a couple of months ago, and she missed him more than words could describe. It seemed like he felt the same way, because the moment Isabella had mentioned the conference and that she was able to take a couple of vacation days around it, he’d immediately offered for her to stay at his apartment, giving them the time to catch-up, to spend the time together like they hadn’t been able to in so long.

There was no universe in which she would ever say no to Anthony Beauvillier.

So here she was, Saturday 8th April, ready to spend some time with one of the most important people in her life. Soon enough the plane landed and made its way to the gate, allowing everyone to exit. Thankfully Isabella’s suitcase arrived quickly and her journey through security was smooth, so in no time at all she was walking out into the arrivals hall, eyes scanning the crowd of people.

And then she spotted him.

The moment Anthony noticed her too, smile spreading wide across his face, it felt like a breath of fresh air. Finally. Isabella wasted no time in rushing over to him, dropping her suitcase to throw her arms over his shoulders, Anthony hugging her just as tightly too. It was all she could do to bury her face in his neck, breathing in that familiar cologne as well as the scent that was just Anthony himself while he buried his face in her long dark hair.

She’d missed him. She’d missed him so much. Talking to him over the phone just wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t even close to replacing what it felt like to see and hold him in person. After what felt like eternity and yet somehow not long enough, she let him go, dropping her arms from around his neck, taking a single step backwards to look him up and down.

“Damn, you look good Beau! West-Coast Canadian air clearly does wonders for you,” she grinned, hamming up the compliments to make him squirm just as she liked.

A familiar light flush dusted his cheeks as he shook his head fondly. “Says the New York fashionista gracing us with her presence.”

Her tanned cheeks flushed too at his compliment, but she just laughed and batted at his chest before picking up her suitcase from where it had fallen on the floor. Flattery would always work with her and he knew it.

“I missed you,” Anthony said suddenly, smiling softly as he took the suitcase without saying a word.

Such a sweetheart.

“I missed you too. 10 weeks without you and my life is poorer for it,” Isabella said with a dramatic sigh.

Anthony blushed heavily this time, ducking his gaze, making her smile as she laughed. So cute.

“I know I’m mainly here for work, really, but I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my time with you,” she said, threading her arm through his.

“Me too. You’re going to have a great time, I promise.”

She knew she would, even just by being in his company, but she didn’t need to say that out loud.

With her arm still linked with his, Anthony guided her back to where he’d parked his car, lifting her suitcase into the trunk like the gentleman he was.

“Thank you for the new playlist for my flight, by the way,” Isabella said, wiggling her phone to show what she meant as she got into the front passenger seat.

“No problem, Bells, you know that. It’s our thing, right? It’s not like I could let you travel out here for the first time without a new list to listen to,” Anthony shrugged, starting the engine.

From the small smile on his lips, she knew he was far from nonchalant. He was right too – making playlists for each other really was their thing. When she’d started hanging out with him and Mat and some of the other Isles boys, Isabella and Anthony had bonded over their shared love of music, sharing recommendations on Spotify almost immediately. Making playlists started with creating background music for parties held at their various apartments, but, for whatever reason, over time it grew into the two of them making playlists just for each other. She’d lost count of the number of playlists she’d made him for his long travels on the road, and the amount of study playlists he’d made for her were in the dozes over all her college years. Then there were birthdays, holidays, vacations abroad as a group, and just general ‘you seem down, let me cheer you up’ playlists.

Making playlists for each other was something that Isabella and Anthony had made into something that was just theirs, and she treasured it.

“I loved the Twenty One Pilots songs you chose,” she said, smiling.

“Catchy, right?” Anthony mused, “I wasn’t sure about those Bastille songs though.”

The vibes of these playlists of important, they both knew that. But like always, he’d nailed it.

“They were perfect. The whole list was great, I promise,” Isabella insisted.

This time, his pleased smile shone through. She loved that he loved putting together all these songs just for her – the same way that she loved doing it for him. Was it wrong to cherish something with him that was hers and hers alone?

The drive to Anthony’s apartment felt like it flew by as they continued to talk about the music they’d both been listening to lately, and soon enough she was walking through the front door of his apartment.

“We’ve got a couple of hours before I need to leave for the arena and then you’ll still have a few hours before you should leave to head down too, so plenty of time for you to settle into the guest room and unpack your stuff. I’ve got a fabric steamer if you need them for your conference clothes?” Anthony explained, locking the front door behind them.

The thought he put into everything was astounding.

“I probably will need to steam out some creases at some point,” she mused, thinking of the three blazers she’d packed, “But that can wait until Monday night. How about you give me a tour?”

There was no way she wanted to think about anything to do with work until she absolutely had to. The next couple of days were all about relaxing. Sure, Anthony would be flying out for two games in California tomorrow, but that just meant she wanted to make the most of the time she had with him.

As he showed her around the two-bed apartment, Isabella could admit that it was pretty sparse. At least compared to the apartment he had in New York – but he’d only been here just over two months, so she knew she couldn’t expect him to have fully settled in yet. She could only hope that he was going to give himself the chance to settle in properly, especially since the Canucks season was technically over.

Sure, they still had four games left to play, including tonight’s, but mathematically they were already out of the playoffs. Isabella could only imagine how that felt for him. It was something that they hadn’t really discussed, if she was being honest. The trade was a sensitive subject in their friendship group, and she hadn’t known how to ask how Anthony felt about it when the trade had first been announced. But she worried about him, being out here all by himself. How could she not?

At least there were elements of his personality in the apartment, a framed poster here, photos of his family there, silly polaroids of their friendship group in New York on the fridge with magnets. It was enough to settle the worst of her concerns, and by the time she’d dumped her bags in the spare bedroom he’d declared was hers for the week, she noticed that the edge of tension had melted away from him too.

“I know it’s not much yet but…”

“But nothing, Beau,” Isabella interrupted, smiling as she leant against the doorframe, “You’ve only been here a short while – you’ll make this a home in no time.”

“You think?” he asked, his hesitance obvious.

Well that wouldn’t do.

“I know. Now come on, feed me before you need to leave for the game,” she said firmly.

“That’s the Bells I know,” he snickered.

Isabella just laughed at the accuracy – he really did know her - before sticking out her tongue at him and making him laugh. There was the smile she loved.

Isabella took a quick shower while Anthony cooked them lunch, an easy healthy chicken stir fry, and all too soon it was time for him to leave her alone. While she felt a tiny sense of trepidation about being in a new city all by herself, she knew that she only had a little time to kill before she was going to see him again anyway, so she pushed it down as much as she could.

“You’ve got the phone numbers of people at the arena to call if there’s an emergency, right?” Anthony asked, pulling on his suit jacket.

“I can 99% guarantee you that there will be no emergencies in the two hours before I leave here too. But yes I have them – so go, Beau!” Isabella giggled.

He held up his hands in surrender but smiled down at her anyway, kissing her on the cheek before he walked out the door. Isabella sighed softly, fingers rising to brush over the same skin his lips had brushed, smiling fondly. That was a particular tradition she’d missed as well, the casual affection he’d always shown her. She didn’t know if it was a Québécois thing, or just an Anthony thing, but she’d missed it all the same. It was sweet, just like everything he did.

As she settled in on the sofa, she sent out a few text messages to let various people know she’d arrived safely; some of her friends at work, Mat, her mom. She’d fully intended on ignoring the replies, knowing nothing urgent would be coming through, but when she saw 5 notifications from Mat, she opened up their text thread out of curiosity.

From: Mat Bells! You made it! Beau has been buzzing all morning. Give him a kiss from me. After he’s kicked some Flames ass obvi.

This guy. Isabella rolled her eyes fondly, smiling at the energy she could read even in his words, before biting her bottom lip. Anthony had been buzzing? He hadn’t seemed that way to her – sure, he was happy to see her, all smiles and long hugs, but buzzing? Hm.

From: Isabella I’ll pass along your kiss, weirdo. He seemed pretty chill to me?

From: Mat That’s because he got all of his crazy energy out by texting me. You know he wants your trip to be amazing. You are going to his game tonight, right?

From: Isabella If you say so Barzy. I wouldn’t miss his game for the world.

Mat didn’t text back again, so Isabella just chalked down the strange exchange to him missing his friend too. Still…no. Barzy was being Barzy, and that’s all there was to it. The two hours after Anthony left flew by, Isabella just getting herself lost in a good book, and it wasn’t long before she was walking towards her seat in the arena. Along with leaving a new Canucks jersey (with his name on the back, of course) for her in the hall closet, Anthony had left her ticket at will call, which she picked up easily after the uber she took dropped her right out front. Just as she’d requested when he had asked, she was in the bottom tier but at the back – she didn’t want anything ostentatious – and with an overpriced beer in hand, she took her seat.

Right from the start, the game was a nail biter. She cheered at the top of her lungs as Pettersson and McWard scored for the Canucks with all the supporters around her. Only for her to be left wincing when Lindholm and Kadri scored for the Flames in the third period, on the edge of her seat as the game finished out at 2-2. She could see the frustration in the team’s faces, let alone in their body language, and the moment that the shootout started her heart was pounding in her chest.

As soon as Kuzmenko scored the winning goal, Isabella leapt to her feet yelling in celebration with the crowd around her, the biggest smile on her face as the team celebrated on the ice. What a way to end of the game.

There was no rush she’d ever felt like watching a hockey game live in person - and now she was lucky enough to go congratulate her friend face to face rather than over text. Arriving early ahead of her conference really had been such a good idea. Anthony had texted her the instructions for how to get down to the tunnel to wait for him, so she followed those after the stands had emptied out a bit, not wanting to fight through the crowd. At the very least it meant she didn’t have to wait as long in the tunnel by herself, and soon enough Anthony was walking out to meet her, shy smile on his face.

Shy? No, that wouldn’t do.

“Beau! Congratulations!” she said cheerfully, loudly enough to draw a bit of attention to them and to get that familiar blush she loved to see rising on his cheeks.

“You enjoyed it then?” he mused.

There was enough hesitance in his voice to let her know he needed her reassurance, and she wasted no time in hugging him tightly, smiling as he immediately hugged her back.

“I had the best time. Talk about a nail biter!” she laughed, pulling back just far enough to look up at his face, “You know I love watching you play.”

The rosiness of his cheeks let her know that her honesty had been the right thing to say.

“I’m just glad you’re here,” Anthony murmured, squeezing her slightly before letting his arms drop.

“Ooh, wait, there’s something I need to give you,” she said quickly, clutching at his hands.

Anthony froze slightly, but made the most interesting gasping noise as she leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a big wet smacking kiss on his cheek.

“W-What?”

Isabella just grinned, letting go of him. “That is from Barzy.”

Anthony’s smile seemed to falter slightly before he huffed out a laugh. “Of course. That sounds like him. I’ll have to text him to say thanks.”

Isabella snickered. At least their mutual friend couldn’t say she didn’t pass along his message. That’s what friends were for!

“What’s the plan now then?” she asked, tilting her head slightly.

“It’s up to you, really. A few of the guys are going out for drinks if you wanted to go too? It’s not going to be a crazy one because we are flying out to LA tomorrow, but it might be fun for you to meet some of the team? But if you’re tired from travelling then we can absolutely just head back to my place,” he explained.

The hopeful look in his eyes made her smile. He really wanted her to meet his new team, didn’t he? He wanted her to like them – it was important to him, she could tell. So there was only one answer she could give.

“Let’s go out for a couple of drinks then! Maybe if jetlag finally hits we could leave early?” she suggested.

She had been awake since 3.30am after all, having left for the airport at 4am. Relaxing for a couple of hours ahead of the adrenaline of the game had helped keep her going, but she knew it would hit her at some point. But meeting his new team was important to Anthony, so she wanted to do what she could, even if it wasn’t her at 100%.

“Perfect. You just let me know whenever and we can head out,” he said firmly.

Such a sweetheart.

In the end, she lasted around two hours before she felt her social battery dipping into dangerously low levels, starting to space out of conversation even though she’d only had two vodka sodas, and in no time at all Anthony was guiding her through the front door of his apartment all over again. His teammates had been so sweet – at least the ones that she’d met tonight – and seeing the smile that all their interactions put on Anthony’s face filled her heart. Even after 10 weeks, it was clear that he’d found a good space for himself here, just as he deserved to and just as she’d hoped. Brock, Petey, Quinn, Thatcher, Travis and Ethan, along with their partners (those that had them) were all so friendly and welcoming, and she’d enjoyed telling stories about her time in New York with Anthony, as well as hearing how well he was settling into the team in Vancouver.

It had been everything she’d wanted for the first day of her visit – what more could she have asked for?

“Okay I’ve got cold bottles of water in the fridge or I picked up that brand of peppermint tea that you like,” Anthony said, breaking her out of her thoughts.

Peppermint tea?

“You don’t drink peppermint tea, Beau,” she frowned, “you bought it especially for me?”

“Well, yeah, Bells. Of course I did,” he shrugged, although a light blush hit his cheeks.

This guy.

“Peppermint tea would be great,” she said softly, still a little stunned that he went through the trouble for her.

What a perfect way to wind down. The two of them sat on the sofa while she drank her tea and he drank a bottle of water, talking about all the things Anthony wanted to buy for the apartment when he came back next season (a couple of throw rugs, art for the hallway walls, a new smoothie maker, and so on). It felt like they were back in New York, like no time had passed and nothing had changed, which only made her heart pang a little more when it was eventually time to go to bed. She was flagging, hard, and he had an early start tomorrow, as much as she didn’t want this little bubble to end.

“Good night, Bells,” Anthony murmured, leaning against the doorway to the spare bedroom.

“Good night, Beau,” she murmured back, not wanting to break the moment as those blue eyes caught with her own dark brown ones.

He smiled softly, leaning forward to press a kiss to the top of her head before he walked down the hallway to his own room, leaving her feeling like she was floating on air.

What a first day indeed.

“Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!”

Isabella groaned at the loud sound of her best friend’s voice, eyes blearily looking over to where he was standing in the open doorway.

“What?” she groaned, “What are you doing?”

“First of all, I tried knocking, like, three separate times. Second, I made eggs and bacon and toast, duh. Breakfast, remember? Before I fly out with the team?” he teased.

Oh fuck, yeah of course. How could she forget? Anthony took one look at the expression on her face and burst out laughing.

“There’s also coffee. Clearly you need some,” he snickered.

Rude. Accurate, but rude. Isabella flipped him the bird, making him laugh harder, but at least he left her alone to deal with her bedhead. Her natural curls were a pain in the mornings, especially without taking a shower to deal with them properly, so she just threw them up on top of her head into a loose bun while she headed to the bathroom. She’d already decided she would be straightening her hair for her conference, for ease through those long days, but for now this would have to do. It wasn’t like Anthony hadn’t seen her looking worse.

After quickly washing and dressing into leggings and an oversized sweater, Isabella headed out into the kitchen, wordlessly accepting the coffee mug that Anthony pressed into her hands with a smile. Mmm perfect.

“Thanks for this, Beau. You’re amazing,” she murmured happily.

Interestingly, the back of Anthony’s neck flushed red, his back turned to her as he plated up their food.

“It’s just coffee, Bells,” he said, shrugging.

No it wasn’t and he knew that.

“Okay, scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, and wholemeal toast, bon appétit.”

“Merci beaucoup.”

Anthony grinned at her attempt at French, Isabella just grinning back.

“So what are you going to do today and tomorrow? Your conference doesn’t start until Tuesday, right?” he asked, scooping up some eggs with his toast.

“I’m not going to do much, I won’t lie,” she mused, earning a grin, “I might take a walk around your neighbourhood today, maybe find a coffee shop or something? And then just a chilled night in, probably with take-out. Tomorrow though…hm, I probably need to do my nails before the conference so I’ll either pop out to buy some nail polish or I’ll book an appointment in a salon? If the weather is nice I might get lunch out, have a walk in downtown, see the sights? And I do want to get a bit of preparation work done before everything starts on Tuesday, ahead of watching your game against the Kings.”

She’d had enough time on her flights to plan at least a few things at least anyway. What? Isabella liked to be prepared.

“You don’t have to watch my game if you’re busy with work,” Anthony frowned.

What?

“Beau, in what world would I not watch one of your games?” she asked, confused.

“I just…I mean, I…”

He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck, only confusing her further.

“It’s hard enough that I don’t get to see you anymore. Watching your games is the closest thing I have,” she said, frowning.

The look that passed across his face could only be described as devastation. “Fuck, Bells, you can’t just say things like that,” he said softly.

“Why not? I mean it, Beau. You’re one of my best friends. I love watching you play, you know that,” she said simply.

Anthony smiled slightly at her, but it looked strained. “I know you are. And I appreciate that more than you know.”

“But?” she prompted.

He hesitated for a moment, before letting out a shaky laugh and shaking his head. “But it’s too early and neither of us have had enough caffeine,” he deflected.

Isabella narrowed her eyes but took a big gulp of her coffee in response, making him laugh and roll his eyes fondly.

“Never change Isabella Thornton,” he mused.

“Oh ouch, full name. Definitely too early for that,” she said, grimacing dramatically.

Anthony just laughed louder.

In the end, the rest of her Sunday was spent exactly as she described to him. After he left, giving her a long lingering hug in the hallway after leaving her a spare key, she did in fact wander around his neighbourhood, taking in the cutesy local park and little shops, spending a couple of hours in a coffee shop with the book she’d started reading the previous afternoon. It was a good way to spend a time, nice and chilled exactly how she liked her downtime.

Before he’d left too, Anthony had given her the rundown of his favourite local restaurants, including an amazing Thai place that she knew she had to try – so that night, before taking a shower to sort out her wayward hair, she placed a takeaway order. Isabella hadn’t been able to decide between the panang beef curry with jasmine rice and the tofu pad see ew, so in the end she’d ordered both. Whatever she didn’t eat, she would eat tomorrow after her first day at the conference finished, ahead of watching Anthony play against the Kings. It was just logical, right?

By the time she had her curls plopped up in an old t-shirt, ahead of straightening them when they were fully dry in the morning, the food had arrived. The smell of both dishes was heavenly – she’d have to thank Anthony for his recommendation for sure.

Her phone buzzed twice. Beau 💛. Speak of the devil.

From: Anthony Heading out to team dinner soon. Hope you didn’t get lost wandering around today?

Isabella barked out a laugh at the very idea of her just wandering around lost and not telling him, but found herself smiling anyway. He was concerned about her – so sweet, as always.

From: Isabella No I didn’t get lost. Thanks for checking though. Just ordered myself some take-out actually!

She included a selfie of her holding up one of the take-out boxes, pulling a ridiculous duck face pout to hopefully make him laugh. It was far from the first time the two of them had exchanged silly photos, and she doubted it would be the last. While she waited for a response, she forked some noodles into her mouth, clicking on the TV to find some entertainment for the rest of her evening.

Three buzzes.

From: Anthony The Thai place! Great choice! Kinda wish I was eating that with you rather than the steakhouse we’re heading too lol. You look very cute and comfy.

She found her cheeks heating up with a light blush at his last words, quickly shaking her head to rid herself of any ridiculous thought. He didn’t mean it like that. He just didn’t.

From: Isabella Thank you for recommending the place, it’s SO good. Nah you enjoy the steakhouse Beau!

She didn’t expect to hear back from him, not with the game starting so soon, but the simple ‘xxx’ he sent her made her whole body warm. This guy, seriously.

Isabella knew how lucky she was to have a friend like him in her life. Unapologetically kind and sweet, always had her back, never failed to make sure that she was happy. Anthony was one of a kind, a true gentleman, and the fact that their chance friendship had turned into such an important part of her life was something she cherished.

She’d still been in college when they’d met, a mutual friend dragging her along to a party, and ever since that first night they’d just clicked. It didn’t make sense, not really, their worlds having very little crossover. But Isabella knew back then that all of that didn’t matter, proven by the fact that they stayed closed when she graduated college, stopping going to 99% of the parties, and Anthony stayed up in the show, proving himself night after night.

And now she was here – in his home in Vancouver while he was away, curled up on his sofa with his blanket draped around her. If anyone had told her five years ago that this is where she would be, she probably would’ve laughed – in what dreams was she going to build such a strong friendship with a handsome young NHL player? But this was her reality, it did happen, and there was no way she was letting him drift away, especially now that he’d moved so far away.

Isabella sent Anthony a text before she turned herself in for an early night, knowing she’d need to be up early to give herself the time to straighten her hair properly in the morning. It took less than 30 seconds to get a response back from him, making her laugh softly at his eagerness as she slipped into the guest bed.

From: Anthony Sweet dreams! 💛

She tried not to think too hard about how the little heart gave her butterflies.

Monday passed quicker than Isabella thought it would. Just as she’d told him – just as she’d planned – she treated herself to a manicure in a salon downtown as well as treated herself to a lunch out near the Quayside Marina, going for a walk along the waterfront before she did some prep work for her conference. It was only last minute checks of the presentations she would be part of, but she knew it would allow her to sleep easier without the what-if anxiety playing on her mind.

Along with eating the remaining Thai take-out and taking the time to straighten her thick curls ahead of the conference the next day, Isabella also watched Anthony play against the Kings on his stupidly big TV. The 3-0 loss made her ache inside, especially with how dejected the team looked even through the screen, and the moment that he texted her to ask if he could call, she didn’t hesitate to call him first.

His patented Sad Beau face made her ache even more, and it was all she could do to try to comfort him. She hated when he looked as sad as he did after this loss, the wear and tear of the season bearing down on him, but she wasn’t going to miss the chance to at least attempt to make him feel better. If she could help just a little bit, ease that sadness, then she would – seeing him look all soft with his fluffy hair and glasses in his hotel room was motivation enough.

The sweet smile she managed to drag out of him by the time they said goodnight was everything she could’ve hoped for.

All too soon, Tuesday 11th rolled around, and Isabella walked into the hotel the conference was being held in with her work laptop and an air of confidence she only partially-felt. Usually she had no problem talking to people – give her a bar or a party or a restaurant or even a casual barbecue and she could chat away for hours. But when it mattered? When the opinions of the people she talked to about their impression of her would be a deciding factor in whether her company would get their business in the coming year? It was terrifying.

But she was dressed the part, wearing her grey bodycon dress and black blazer like armour, her hair pin straight and her make-up perfect, and that gave her the boost to be able to fake her she was feeling.

At least her two Sales colleagues couldn’t tell how nervous she was when the three of them set up the company booth. By the time they were finished setting up, people were still walking in, so Isabella volunteered to grab them all a coffee. She hadn’t had time for her usual caffeine intake before she’d left for the conference – something she was definitely going to make sure she did ahead of Day Two – so this was more of an excuse to be able to wake herself up properly, to make sure she stayed at her best on this opening day.

Just as she returned to the booth and passed out the requested coffee, her phone buzzed. Beau 💛

From: Anthony Good luck today! Kick some ass!

Oh how sweet. Even though he undoubtedly had a late night after playing the Kings yesterday and travelled to Anaheim today at some point too, he was thinking about her?

From: Isabella I will do my best to kick ass, metaphorically. Good luck to you too! And kick some actual ass yourself! I’ll be watching the game tonight at yours again.

From: Anthony 💛 💛 💛

Again, his response came through incredibly quickly, making her think he was just waiting for her to text him. Why would he do that? Surely he had better things to do than wait around for her to text him?

And why did he only text three hearts?

Isabella found herself completely lost in thoughts, overthinking everything he could mean and everything he likely didn’t mean, and everything in between. It wasn’t like her to overanalyse every interaction with Anthony, but maybe it was the Vancouver air, or the fact that they’d been separated for the longest time in years. She honestly didn’t know where it was coming from, and she hated how uncertain it all made her feel. What was he playing at? Why was he acting like this, now? Was she just reading too much into it?

“Uh, Isabella?”

A deep voice to her left broke her out of her spiral, and she jumped slightly at the hand awkwardly waving in front of her face.

“Sorry Jerry, the caffeine hasn’t kicked in yet,” she said, forcing a laugh, “What’s up?”

He just laughed, taking her lie without question. “We need to go set up for the presentation. We’re up first today, remember?”

“Of course, let me grab my laptop,” she nodded.

It was simple enough to set-up and get the presentation going, if she was being honest, just clicking through the presentation slides while he was talking on stage (and their other colleague was manning the booth), and it allowed her to drift along on auto-pilot, only needing to focus on his talk and the screen in front of her. Thankfully she only needed to give input on one question he was asked in the Q&A portion, and she found herself smiling as everything finished to a hearty applause, accepting Jerry’s subtle high-five with a laugh.

The rest of the conference went smoothly, Isabella mainly able to listen to the other speeches given and take notes to feed back to the executive board while her Sales colleagues focused on schmoozing other attendees. It was one of the perks of being a marketing team member at a conference – outside of the presentations, the pressure really was off her. And at least her two colleagues this time were decent guys, rather than some of the assholes she’d been paired with before, so she didn’t hesitate to accept joining them at the after-drinks. With the conference finishing at 3pm, she allowed herself a few hours to relax and drink a couple of cocktails, but as soon as it hit 6pm she was in an uber on the way back to Anthony’s apartment. There was no way she was going to miss his game, not even if she’d had one of the best cranberry martinis she’d ever drank.

By the time the game started at 7pm, Isabella was dressed in her pyjamas was a bowl of pasta in her lap, willing the team to have a better result than the night before. For Anthony’s sake, if nothing else. And what a game it was. The moment that the buzzer sounded, ending the game with a 3-2 win over the Ducks, Isabella’s face hurt from smiling, and she wasted no time in reaching for her phone and thumbing open her message thread with Anthony.

From: Isabella YESSSSSS! Go Canucks! I’m so proud of you Beau. What a great game. 3-2 baby! I know you’re probably going out for drinks or dinner or whatever with the team. But call me when you get back to your hotel?

Isabella lost track of time while she waited for him to respond, distracting herself with washing up all the things she’d used to make dinner as well as doing her night-time facecream routine, so by the time her phone buzzed with a video call request, she was sitting on her bed up against the pillows. The moment that his smiling face appeared on her screen, something settled in her chest that she didn’t realise she was holding onto. He already looked so much happier than when they spoke the night before, and she found herself sinking against the headboard with a smile of her own.

“Hello Beau,” Isabella said fondly, “That’s the smile I like to see.”

“Hey Bells. You like my smile?”

She blushed at his teasing words, but powered through. “You know I do. Happy Beau is much better than Sad Beau.”

“I wasn’t Sad Beau.”

“You were sad enough,” she mused.

He just huffed out a laugh, shaking his head.

“No-one else calls me out like you do.”

Her breath hitched in his throat at his words, making her hesitate slightly before answering. “Is that a good thing?”

“It’s a very good thing. You help remind me to keep the bad balanced with good, that there’s still positive things in my life even when everything feels like shit. I appreciate that more than you know.”

She resolutely ignored the butterflies flaring in her stomach, the smile spreading across her face again conveying more than enough.

“Well that’s what friends do, right?”

“Yeah. Friends. Exactly.”

The way his smile flickered at that must’ve been a technical glitch in the call, surely.

They continued to talk for nearly another hour, losing themselves in easy conversation as they always did, until Isabella noticed Anthony started yawning, even as subtle as he was attempting to be in hiding it behind his hand.

“Hey, Beau, I’ll let you get some sleep yeah?” she murmured.

“What? No, I’m fine, really.”

Isabella laughed softly, shaking her head with a fond smile. “You played an intense game today and you have an early flight tomorrow. Get your beauty rest.”

He smiled through the screen, eyes half-lidded with tiredness.

“Okay, if you insist. I’ll see you after your conference finishes, yeah?”

“Absolutely. I can’t wait,” she grinned.

“Me too. Goodnight, Bells.”

“Goodnight Beau.”

When the call ended, Isabella took a moment to indulge in the sweetness of his smile before shaking herself out of her silly thoughts. Was it so wrong to enjoy the way he looked at her sometimes? Surely not. Besides, he wouldn’t smile at her if he didn’t mean it – he’d said as such, how much he appreciated her. She could always work with that. With a b out of inspiration, Isabella grabbed her personal laptop and opened up spotify, ready to make Anthony a playlist for his flight home in the morning. He deserved to have his good mood continue, to arrive back with nothing but positivity in his veins. This was something she’d done dozens of times before, and it didn’t take her long to put together a list of songs nearly two hours long that would hopefully put a smile on his face. She put a few final touches to the playlist with Shake it off by Taylor Swift, Shut Up and Dance by WALK THE MOON, and Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners, finding herself smiling at the good mood she had curated. Done. Perfect.

From: Isabella Sleep well Beau. Looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow! I made you a playlist for the flight – positive vibes only.

From: Anthony You’re the best. See you tomorrow. 💛

Day Two of the conference – Wednesday 12th – found her dressed in a pretty lilac shift dress with a grey blazer of the top, another immaculate set of armour allowing her to get stuck into the networking that was happening in between all of the speeches and presentations. Isabella mostly let the Sales guys do their thing, but she was able to contribute a bit more with people who approached their company booth, supporting the discussions by using examples of the campaigns she’d personally ran. At least, she felt confident enough with the approving nods and the handshakes exchanged with potential clients. Anthony’s flight had landed mid-morning, right on schedule, and he'd very sweetly messaged her the moment he arrived home. So instead of attending drinks again when the conference finished, she headed straight back to Anthony’s apartment. She didn’t feel bad skipping out of the social time, mainly because it mattered more for the Sales guys to be there, but also because she desperately wanted to spend her limited time with Anthony while she still could.

“Bells!”

Anthony’s happy shout combined with the way he rushed over to her and lifted her up in his arms, spinning her around seconds after she shut the front door behind her let her know she’d made the right decision.

“Anyone would think you were happy to see me, Beau,” she giggled, clutching at him tightly.

Anthony just grinned, shrugging apologetically as he lowered her back down to the floor, although his cheeks had a light flush to them.

“Of course I’m happy to see you. It felt weird knowing you were finally in Vancouver but I wasn’t actually there myself,” he said simply.

Yeah she could understand that.

“I missed you too,” she murmured, shrugging off her blazer and hanging it up on the coatrack.

Isabella raised an eyebrow as Anthony’s ran over her formal lilac dress, taking her in like he’d never seen her before.

“I suppose it’s not the clothes you’re used to, hm?” she mused.

Strangely, her words made him jump slightly, as if she broke him out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“The dress?” she teased, “I know I don’t usually wear them this formal, but come on it’s not that bad.”

“No, uh, not bad at all. Definitely not used to you wearing them,” he said quickly, nodding as he blushed a little heavier, “You look great though.”

“Thanks Beau,” she grinned.

What a sweetheart. Even if he was still blushing.

“Thanks for the playlist by the way. It really helped me get through the flight this morning,” Anthony said, heading towards the kitchen.

Isabella followed him with a smile, that smile widening as he wordlessly handed her a cold bottle of water from the fridge, nudging him with her shoulder in thanks.

“It was the least I could do. Besides, the good vibes in the songs gave me good vibes too,” she shrugged.

“Great vibes – especially that last song,” he grinned.

“Come on Eileen is a classic for a reason,” she said seriously, making him laugh just like she knew it would.

They talked about day two of her conference as they chose what take-out to order for dinner – they settled on Vietnamese, including summer rolls, beef brisket phở, and tiger prawn curry noodles, settling on the sofa while they waited for it to arrive. It was only then that the conversation took a heavier turn, as Anthony suddenly looked exhausted down to his bones, and not just physically.

“What’s going through your head? What’s wrong?” Isabella asked softly, resting her hand on his forearm briefly to capture his attention.

“I feel like I failed this year,” Anthony said quietly.

What?

“I’m sorry, what?” Isabella asked, confused.

“The team didn’t make the playoffs. The season is over and I just…I failed, right? The Canucks haven’t made the playoffs for the 8th year in a row and the Islanders did make it, so clearly they were right to trade me, and I just…I don’t know what to do.”

His rant flew from his mouth faster than she had ever heard him speak before, and the sadness entrenching every word made her heart ache in the worst way. He really felt like this? Like he was a failure? How long had he been hiding his self-deprecating emotions like this?

“You did not fail. You are not a failure. You’re just one guy, Beau,” she said firmly. “You didn’t ask for this trade, not in the slightest, and you’ve made a good solid start for yourself here. The Canucks needed you and you gave them a boost of course, but it is so not on you. Do you think Petey and Brock and Quinn and literally everyone else feel like you let them down?”

“No,” he admitted softly.

“Then don’t let yourself feel like that. Yeah, it sucks. Not making the playoffs is everything you didn’t want to happen. But you guys are way too talented for it not to build up for next season. You are far too talented, Anthony Beauvillier, and it will work out,” she finished.

“Ouch, full name,” he said with a weak smile.

She just batted his shoulder lightly with a hand, pursing her lips. “I mean it, okay? You worked hard and this year it just didn’t work out. I have full faith that things will click for you next year.”

Anthony hesitated for a second, before letting out a shaky sigh.

“I might just have to let your faith be the only faith for a little while,” he said softly.

Her frown softened to a gentle smile, and she squeezed the shoulder that she batted only moments before.

“If that’s what you need, then that’s fine. My faith in you isn’t going anywhere. You have one final game to play, right? So you go out there and you show them what you’ve got. Show yourself. I’ll be watching with imaginary pompoms,” she mused.

“Can I get you real pompoms? Maybe a cheerleader skirt too?” he grinned.

That was the Anthony she knew.

“You are pushing your luck. Keep that in your dreams,” she snickered.

Interestingly, he blushed furiously at her words, making her laugh. What a reaction.

It didn’t take much longer for their Vietnamese take-out to arrive and they settled as easily as ever next to each other on the sofa, sharing all the dishes in a way that felt so effortless, a reminder of the life they led back in New York. Anthony switched on an old favourite action movie while they were eating, just something to play in the background while they ate and talked and enjoyed each other’s company, and Isabella didn’t hesitate to seamlessly transition that into cuddling on the sofa when the take-out boxes were empty.

She did ignore the butterflies in her stomach flaring up as his thumb brushed her bare shoulder though. No, tonight was about Anthony, giving him comfort, not about her ridiculous notions.

The last day of her conference, Day Three – Thursday 13th – started with Anthony joining her for coffee and breakfast. She knew he had no real reason to get up early with her, but she appreciated the sweet gesture nonetheless. As she caught an uber over to the hotel conference hall, her mind was reeling from the sleepy smiles he sent her way, even more so with the soft parting kiss he pressed to her cheek as she said goodbye to him.

Why now? Why were all the feelings she’d fought so hard to bury surfacing out now?

But Isabella didn’t have time to get lost in her thoughts. She wouldn’t let herself – couldn’t let herself. No, all she allowed herself to do was to brush her shaky hands down her navy blue sheath dress and matching navy blazer as she walked into the hotel before she threw up her confident walls, greeting her colleagues with a practiced smile.

She already knew that the last day of the conference would be mostly final presentations and speeches, so she let them consume her, taking notes as diligently as she was able to be able to report back to her bosses. It was a blessing in disguise really, letting her work monopolise her mind, and she found herself swept up in the last rounds of networking with a genuine smile on her face. In all honesty, the conference had been a success – her Sales colleagues had garnered all of the business and attention they were meant to, and her contributions had been smooth and fruitful. That didn’t mean she stayed around for the final night of drinks though.

No, when the conference talks finished at 3pm, she caught an uber straight back to Anthony’s apartment, ready to go to the final Canucks game tonight. The game started at 7pm so she had more than enough time to shower, eat a little something while she dried her natural curls, and change into comfy jeans and Anthony’s jersey. He was already at the arena by the time she’d arrived back at his after packing up the company stand, so she caught an uber down to the game again.

Same as last time, he had left her a ticket at will call. She had asked for a ticket in the stands rather than in the box. It was just the atmosphere she wanted to surrounded by, the sight of him upclose being a welcome bonus. By the time she was heading down to her seat with an overpriced beer in her hand, it was time for warmups, and as she watched the Canucks skate out to excited cheers, she found her seat right by the glass.

Of course, of course he got her glass-side seats. Isabella rolled her eyes softly but found herself smiling anyway. Anthony always was so thoughtful, and this evening was no different. She caught his eyes as he skated past her and she waved enthusiastically at him, ignoring the looks from people around her as he happily waved back. Let them be jealous. They didn’t share the friendship the two of them had so she didn’t care what people thought of the interaction. She did snicker quietly as she noticed the obvious teasing his teammates gave him when he skated back over to them though. Bless his heart and his rosy cheeks too.

The game was a nail biter, even more so than the other three games she’d watched this week had been. For each Canucks goal she jumped up out of her seat cheering, high fiving everyone around her. For every Coyotes goal, she winced and listened to the boos around her. By the time the third period ended 4-4 ahead of going into OT, she felt like she was in an emotional wringer. This was the last Canucks game of the season; she knew how much it meant to Anthony let alone the rest of the team, so when the buzzer sounded it was all she could do to keep breathing, hoping for a miracle.

And praise Garland for his game winning goal only 1.19 into the OT, hats flying onto the ice to mark his hattrick as the arena erupted in cheers and shouts for the 5-4 win. Isabella’s hands were stinging from clapping by the time the stands started to empty, her cheeks aching from smiling, but she didn’t hesitate to go down to the tunnel like she had that first night, waiting for Anthony to be finished.

As soon as he walked out to meet her, she squealed, making him laugh as he swooped her up in a hug.

“Ahhh Beau! I’m so happy for you! Such an amazing assist!” she said, when he’d put her back down.

Anthony’s assist on Garland’s power play goal was the Canucks second goal of the game, the first of Garland’s three, and she was so proud of him for ending his season so well.

“Felt good to contribute in our last game, I will admit,” Anthony said a little sheepishly.

“See, I told you! Positive thinking!” Isabella grinned.

He just laughed, making her smile soften. He really was so cute, especially when his happiness was shining through like this.

“Most of the team are heading out for drinks again tonight, especially with the win in this last game of the season. Do you want to go?” Anthony asked her, smiling softly.

Like she’d want to be anywhere else.

“Absolutely,” she nodded, “I even brought a leather jacket with me to wear over this tank top instead of the jersey.”

“Oh perfect, I’ll put your jersey in my car before we catch ubers to the bar then, so you don’t have to carry it around,” he said, smiling.

So thoughtful.

The booths reserved in the bar were full of players, various family members, wives and girlfriends, so Isabella didn’t feel like the odd one out for the celebration of the end of their season. That didn’t mean she moved far away from Anthony though. All night they were side-by-side, and Anthony seemed oblivious to the looks he was getting from his teammates where he had his arm round her waist, where he was murmuring in her ear. With the way the drinks were flowing, Isabella didn’t care enough to say anything, to correct their assumptions, letting herself slip to a level that she usually wouldn’t with alcohol. She wasn’t drunkdrunkdrunk, not by any means, but she was far merrier than she usually allowed herself to get, clinging to Anthony in a way that she always had refused herself.

The music blared, shots were pounded back, laughter filled their group, and all throughout Anthony held her tight, his hands possessive in a way they had never been before. He held her closer than he ever had as they swayed on the dancefloor, bodies pressed close, the energy between them crackling. She let herself pretend that it was the heat of the bar not his intense eyes that had her flushed and giddy. The vodka mixers allowed her to pretend anyway, and by the time that Anthony mentioned making a move back home, much later than she thought they would, her mind was a happy haze of BeauBeauBeau. Nothing else mattered, not the knowing winks or the giggles, not the way her feet were aching, not the way she leant heavily on him as they made their way out of the bar to the waiting uber.

They were still leaning against each other as they stumbled out of the taxi at his apartment building, Isabella giggling as she waved goodbye to their driver. Anthony helped hold her up in the elevator, using the wall to prop himself up, Isabella just snuggling into his broad chest with a happy drunken sigh. This was perfect. Did he always smell this good? Was he always this warm?

They slowly made their way to his front door, Anthony holding her close in a way that wasn’t helping them walk in a straight line. Isabella just stayed clutching at him, letting him guide her, humming quietly to herself as she smiled up at him, especially as he smiled widely down at her, cheeks flushed and eyes glazed. He struggled to open the front door, making her giggle like she had done getting out of the taxi, and he pressed his finger to her lips in an exaggerated shush, only making her laugh harder. This was bliss, this was heated happiness, this was…her stumbling into the doorframe and falling forward. She slammed into his chest, Anthony somehow holding her upright as he closed the door behind her, his body swaying as he tried to hold them both up.

Isabella clutched as his arms – so strong, so firm – looking up at him with wide eyes, only then noticing how close they were standing. How close he was holding her. Had they ever been this close before? Had his eyes always been that blue?

She jerked out of her thoughts as he pressed his lips to hers.

Isabella moaned softly before she could stop herself, Anthony quickly pulling away, lips red. Wow. Wow. So that was what it was like to kiss him? As she looked back up into his beautiful eyes, some of the fog in her head cleared, only to be replaced by how good that felt. She had to do it again. She had to know what it felt like to kiss him again.

It seemed like Anthony felt the same way, because one of his hands flew up to cup her head as he pushed her back against the door, a loud gasp tearing from her throat just before he took her lips in a kiss once more. There it was. This, right here. She melted into his embrace, clutching as his shirt with her hands as she hungrily kissed him back, Anthony moaning into her mouth before he slid his tongue past her lips. Her head spun as she lost herself in his kisses, her body lighting up with an electricity she hadn’t felt in a long time as their bodies surged together, moaning again as his free hand slid over her ass and squeezed. Never had she felt like this with a first kiss. Never had she wanted this much.

Then Anthony broke the kiss, barely pulling away, just enough so she could blearily see that he was panting as hard as she was.

“Do you want to…?”

“Yes.”

It was her pounding headache that woke her up, paired with the start of rolling nausea. All Isabella could do for longer than she could tell was breathe in and out slowly, measured breaths careful enough to not set off a run to the bathroom that she didn’t really want to do. She knew she drank more than she usually would last night; not enough to be obliterated, no, but these were the consequences that always reminded her why she had her alcohol limits. Her head feeling like it was going to crack in two, her stomach clenching over and over, her bare body clammy and chilled in the early morning air.

Wait, what?

Bare body. She was naked? What?

The moment that her mind processed the new information, the end of the evening caught up with her, reminding her exactly what had happened. Clutching hands, clashing lips, heated breath, stinging bites, pleasure like she’d never felt before. Anthony filling her, surrounding her, moaning out her name as she cried out his. Fuck.

Oh fuck what had she done? Tears stung at her eyes, clouding her gaze as she slowly glanced over her shoulder, carefully so as not to make her nausea worse…and there he was, just as naked as she was. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She clasped a hand over her mouth to muffle any sounds that might escape her, glad she’d done so as the arm she hadn’t noticed draped over her waist tightened slightly with her minor movement.

She’d ruined everything. Everything. How could she have been so stupid to give in to her desires for him? How could anything ever be the same again between them?

Tears finally trickled down her cheeks as Anthony huffed a breath that ruffled her curls, his legs shifting enough to slot one of them between hers. As she cried, biting her bottom lip to muffle her quiet sobs, her headache came back with full force, throbbing like nothing she’d ever felt before. It was all Isabella could do to close her eyes, willing herself to fall asleep, hoping that when she woke up again that all of this would disappear. A stupid aimless hope, she knew that, but it was all she could cling to.

She drifted in and out of sleep as the hours went on, head pounding and swimming enough that she couldn’t wake herself up fully let alone move, but by the time that the midday sun filtered through the curtains she knew she couldn’t avoid getting out of bed anymore.

Just as she was gathering the courage to remove his arm from her waist, that arm tightened again, pulling her roughly back against his bare body, making her gasp loud enough for Anthony to flinch -and quickly shoot back across the bed as he woke up in alarm.

“Shit. Shit, Bells…”

Isabella let out a shaky breath before sitting upright, clutching the bedsheets to her chest in a poor attempt at modesty.

“Hi Beau,” she said with a watery smile.

She knew her smile looked as fake as it felt by the way that Anthony’s face fell. He ran a hand through his hair, looking at a loss for words, so she stayed silent too. There was nothing she could say to make this situation better, she knew that. And it wasn’t like she even knew what to say either. Everything she had worked so hard to prevent, the loss of their friendship being the main part, was for nothing. This was the beginning of the end – and by the way he wouldn’t look at her, she felt it in her bones as a certainty.

“I…”

She cut herself off, swallowing heavily to stop the lump rising in her throat as Anthony closed his eyes briefly. Fuck. Fuck.

“I’m going to shower. And pack all my stuff,” she eventually managed to say.

That, at least, made Anthony finally look over at her.

“What?”

She cleared her throat, willing herself not to cry at the intensity in his beautiful blue eyes.

“I fly home tomorrow, and I haven’t packed yet. There’s only this afternoon left to do it, and seeing as I have to be at the airport by 6.30am, I really don’t want to be packing last minute tomorrow morning,” she said as calmly as she could.

“Bells, wait, please,” he murmured.

She forced a polite smile on her face, hating that he winced when he saw it, hating that it was necessary to make her feel even a little bit of normality.

“And I think I’ll book a taxi to take me to the airport too, as it’s early,” she finished.

Rather than Anthony taking her, as they’d agreed previously. Before this clusterfuck ending of their friendship.

“No,” he said sharply.

“What?” she said, bland masking failing a little.

“I’ll still drive you to the airport,” he said.

Why? Why would he want to do that?

“You don’t have to,” she said, voice cracking.

“I want to,” Anthony said, shaking his head, “Please, Bells.”

The desperation in his voice made her heart ache as much as it confused her. Why was he so insistent? Why did he want to do this?

“Sure.”

The relief in Anthony’s eyes only confused her more.

Friday was possibly the most awkward day she’d ever spent in Anthony’s company. Isabella had managed to make it through her shower with shaky legs, eventually sliding down the wall to huddle on the shower floor, the sound of the shower muffling her crying enough for Anthony to leave her in peace as he caught an uber back to the arena to collect his car. Even when he arrived back, he still left her alone to pack all her things scattered around the guest room, which she somehow managed to stretch out into taking two hours. The rest of the day had been spent avoiding him as much as possible, sitting at opposite ends of the sofa while they ate pizza that night, neither one of them wanting to cook for obvious reasons, and she had claimed an early night for her early start the next day.

But it had taken so long for her to fall asleep, her mind not shutting off, overthinking every little interaction the two of them had that day, so by the time her alarm went off at 5am she was even more exhausted than the day before. Still, she knew she couldn’t delay the inevitable, and got up to leave Anthony for what she feared would be the last time.

Because that was where this was heading, wasn’t it? Everything between them – their friendship, their closeness, all that they shared – had been ruined the moment she stepped into his bedroom in an alcohol-fuelled lust haze. Neither of them had made the step forward yesterday to do anything about their dwindling friendship, and now…now it was too late.

Her flight from Vancouver was due to leave at 8.35am, with her due to land in LaGuardia at 8pm, having one stop for connecting flight in Denver for 1.45hrs. Her company had booked flights for the cheapest options available; the timings and airports weren’t her choice at all, but in this moment, the early flight was some kind of blessing.

Unsurprisingly, their drive to airport was quiet. Isabella didn’t even have a coffee mug to distract herself with, not wanting the caffeine in this jittery body before she ate something a little later, so the time in the car with him felt like it dragged. That aching feeling only dragged out when Anthony paid $5.00 for the parkade and walked her to the main departures doors.

“So I guess this is goodbye,” Anthony murmured, handing her the suitcase he wheeled over from the car for her.

Why did that hurt so much more than she thought it would?

“I guess so,” she said softly, clutching at her handbag like it was a lifeline.

Without warning, Anthony stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. Isabella couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped her throat, and she found herself hugging him back just as tightly, burying her face in the crook of his neck, trying not to tremble at the close contact. She could feel his face pressing into her curls, his breathing shaky like he was trying not to cry, and she desperately willed herself not to cry either when tears stung her eyes. This wasn’t fair. How had everything boiled down to this, after all their years of friendship? How was everything over?

She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t cling onto him when she knew that any moment she would have to let him go for real. So, Isabella found the strength to unclench her hands from his shirt, taking the step backwards that she didn’t want to take. Hundreds of words flew around her head, everything she wanted to say to him that she didn’t know how to voice. And it looked like he wanted to say something too, lips parting and hand raising towards her…until his hand dropped back to his side and he took a proper step backwards, clearing his throat.

A little bit of her died inside at the misery in his eyes.

Was this really goodbye forever?

“Have a safe flight. Let me know when you land?” Anthony said softly.

“It won’t be for nearly 9 hours,” she said, hesitating.

“I don’t care,” he said immediately, “Please?”

She just sighed, nodding. “Yeah, of course Beau.”

He smiled in response, but it just looked sad to her. As sad as the emptiness in his eyes. But before she could say anything to change his expression even the slightest bit, a big shuttle bus pulled up and a group of loud people stepped out, ruining the last chance. Their last chance?

It was all Isabella could to do smile sadly at him as she walked into the airport.

Her flight was restless – she was too awake to sleep but too caught up in her thoughts to read a book or watch a movie. If she was being honest with herself, she couldn’t even remember what she ate. If she ate. All she was able to do, as if punishing herself further, was to put her headphones over her ears to drown the world out and listen to the playlist he had made her for her original flight out, silently crying the whole time.

Her seatmate hadn’t noticed the way she was falling apart next to her.

Eventually she had to face reality as her plane landed in LaGuardia. It would do no good for her heart if she didn’t text Anthony as he’d asked her to, so she pulled out her phone as she waited for the plane to start disembarking.

From: Isabella Hey, just landed.

It was short and to the point, but it was all she could manage while she felt like a dried-out husk. Somehow, tears stung at her eyes when he immediately messaged back, like he was waiting for her in a way that made no sense.

From: Anthony Thank you for letting me know. I hope your flight was okay.

Was that concern? Was that politeness? She couldn’t figure it out in her exhausted state so she just exited out of their conversation and put her phone away. That was a problem for another day. All she could manage right now was standing up out of her seat and shuffling off the plane. Everything else could wait for tomorrow. It would have to.

Seven days. Seven days passed without a word from Anthony. This was the longest they’d ever gone without speaking, the time stretching out like an impossible chasm. She knew she could’ve responded to his message after her flight, but she hadn’t known what to say, and a couple of days later it felt too late to respond to that particular thread of conversation. But Anthony hadn’t contacted her again either. Maybe it really had been politeness, his comment on her journey, but if it wasn’t then she didn’t really know what to think.

All she knew was that the longer she didn’t text him and the longer that he didn’t text her, she felt like her fragile heart was crumbling, and she didn’t know how to salvage any of it – if anything could be salvaged at all.

Her body ached, the loss of contact with him feeling like a missing limb. She hadn’t felt heartbreak like this before, not with any ex-boyfriends, and this time it was all her fault anyway. Maybe she deserved to feel this empty, this aching. It was all she could do to trudge forward on auto-pilot, trying to get back into her routine as a desperate attempt to cling onto some form of normality. By the time Saturday 22nd rolled around though, she was done. Without work to distract her like it had all week, Isabella knew she needed to get out of her apartment or she would go insane from her overbearing thoughts. So she decided to treat herself to lunch out at a secluded café she hadn’t been to in a while, allowing the walk to clear her foggy thoughts, and by the time her sandwich was in front of her she felt a little more human.

“Bells?”

Isabella looked up sharply, breath hitching at the man standing in front of her.

Mat.

She hadn’t forgotten that this was the café that she, Anthony, and Mat used to all go to together. That did make sense why she hadn’t been there since he left New York though.

“Hey, Barzy, fancy bumping into you here,” she said warmly.

Mat just smiled as she stood up from her seat, wasting no time in giving her a big hug, making her laugh as she hugged him back. Clearly he had the same thoughts as her, getting out for a little while, especially considering he’d just had a run of playoff games against Carolina on Monday 17th, Wednesday 19th, and Friday 21st.

“I know we’ve texted back and forth a lot but I can’t believe I haven’t seen you since Beau got traded,” she said, smiling softly as he sat down opposite her.

But the moment that his smile turned sympathetic, she knew.

“He told you?” she murmured, smile falling.

He bit his bottom lip, hesitating, but that only made her feel worse.

“Barzy please, did he tell you what happened in Vancouver?” she whispered harshly.

Mat huffed out a sign before nodding “He did.”

She immediately felt sick, physically and mentally, her whole body seizing - but Mat quickly shook his head at whatever her face was doing.

“Bells, no, only because he’s freaking out that he’s ruined everything,” Mat insisted.

“Ruined everything?” she asked quietly, her voice catching in her throat as she tried to breathe.

“Look, I don’t know the details. And I sure as hell don’t really want to know them, that’s between you two,” Mat said firmly.

She couldn’t help but laugh softly at the dramatic grimace on his face, and Mat’s expression softened.

“He’s in a real mess, Bells. I’ve never seen him like this before,” Mat said, smiling sadly, “Did he ruin everything?”

He was in a mess? Just as much as she was?

“No, no he hasn’t,” she said with a sad smile, “I thought I did.”

“Man, you two are as bad as each other. I thought your trip to Vancouver would’ve sorted that out finally,” Mat sighed.

What? Sorted what out?

“What?” she managed to choke out.

Mat just shook his head fondly. “Everyone saw the way you two look at each other. We all thought you’d get together, although I’m pretty sure some of the rookies thought you were already dating.”

Well that was something she thought she’d never hear. What the hell?

“I just…he’s one of my best friends, you know? You’re my friend too - and you’re good for him. I want things to be back to normal between you two,” Mat said, smiling sadly.

If that didn’t break her heart even further, she didn’t know what would.

“I don’t know if they can ever go back to normal,” she admitted, hating the words as honest as they were, eyes stinging slightly, “But I don’t want to lose him. I just don’t know what to do.”

He pursed his lips, nodding as he fell silent for a moment. It was all she could do to sip at her coffee, especially as it looked like her friend was thinking hard.

“Do you like him?” Mat asked suddenly.

“W-What?”

“Do you like him? As more than a friend?”

She choked out a laugh, glancing up at the ceiling, trying to fight the tears that sprang to her eyes again. What kind of question was that? Of course she did. She’d never denied it, not that anyone had ever asked her. Anthony was her person, one of the only people in her life that she truly trusted. Of course she liked him. Hell, she was already falling in love with him at this point, she could admit that much to herself. And if Mat’s words held any truth…maybe he was falling for her too?

“Yeah. Yeah, I do like him. More than I probably should for someone who’s never heard from his lips how he feels about me,” she eventually admitted.

Mat’s face split into a smile. “Leave this with me.”

What?

“Barzy…” she warned.

“No, I’m serious, leave it with me. Do you trust me?” Mat said firmly.

“Yeah, you know I do,” Isabella said without hesitation.

Because she did. There wasn’t a malicious bone in Mat Barzal’s body, especially when it came to his friends, and Isabella was fortunate to count herself as one of them. But what did he mean?

“Then let me talk to him, okay? This will all work out, Bells,” Mat said seriously, “You’ll see.”

Hope was dangerous for her fragile heart. But here Mat was, dangling it down on a silver string.

“I really hope you’re right, Barzy,” she sighed.

He just grinned. A thousand girls would kill to have that beaming smile sent their way, but all she could think about was his blue-eyed friend on the other side of Canada.

“I’d better go – got the 4th game in our playoffs series tomorrow. But don’t be a stranger,” Mat said, standing up from his eat.

“I won’t. I’m rooting for you guys against the Canes,” she said, smiling despite the whirling of her emotions.

“Damn right you are,” he grinned.

There was the Mat she knew.

A few days more days passed without a word from Mat, or from…anyone else. She knew that Mat was busy, obviously having watched his 4th playoff game on Sunday. She’d even texted him after his 5-2 loss against the Canes, getting nothing but a crying face back which was more than she could’ve hoped for from him in this intense time. But nothing else, and she tried not to let that hope flicker away. She wouldn’t let herself get invested, not until she knew anything for sure. She couldn’t, otherwise she didn’t know if she would survive.

It took until Tuesday 25th for Isabella to wake up with a text from Anthony.

Her hands shook as she flicked open their neglected message thread, eyes stinging as she scanned his words.

From: Anthony I’m sorry that I haven’t texted you. I’m guessing you haven’t texted me either for the same reasons. I hate that everything’s gotten so awkward and distant between us but talking with Barzy yesterday gave me hope. Will you please listen to this playlist? we’re lost and found.

Isabella had already planned on working from home today but this would’ve pushed her to anyway. He’d actually messaged her. There was still hope? Anthony hadn’t given up on them after all. He’d made her a new playlist? And from the sounds of it, if he’d talked to Barzy like Barzy said he would, this was going to be something that was either going to break her heart for good or give her more hope than she knew what to do with.

Rather than opening the link on her phone, she opened up her personal laptop, clicking on the playlist we’re lost and found when Spotify was open, and quickly clicked play.

“Sunlight comes creepin' in, Illuminates our skin, We watched the day go by, Stories of all we did, It made me think of you, It made me think of you.”

As the lyrics to Birdy’s Wings filled the room, Isabella could do nothing to stop the tears from springing to her eyes. This song was one of her current favourites, he knew this. And if he’d remembered that…what else had he included in the playlist? She quickly scrolled through the rest of the list, eyes scanning every song, every choice he made, aching pangs starting in her chest at his selections.

Wings – Birdy Never Let Me Go – Florence + The Machine Hold You – Nina Nesbitt, Kodaline Wherever You Will Go – Charlene Soraia Teach Me How to Be Loved – Rebecca Ferguson Set Me on Fire – Bella Ferraro Kiss Me – Jason Walker Yours – Ella Henderson Still into You – Paramore Adore You – Harry Styles Tongue Tied – Take Me To Your Best Friends House Slow Hands – Niall Horan I Choose You – Sara Bareilles Lover – Taylor Swift Lover Of Mine – 5 Seconds of Summer this is how you fall in love – Jason Zucker, Chelsea Cutler Falling Like The Stars – James Arthur A Thousand Years – Christina Perri Take Me To Church – Hozier Next To Me – Emeli Sandé I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz When You Love Someone – James TW

She felt like she wasn’t breathing, couldn’t breathe, the long curated-collection sending her thoughts scrambling. Did he really feel…? Was he really saying…? Why was he only saying this now, when everything had become so fraught between them?

“If I could, then I would, I’d go wherever you will go.”

The Charlene Soraia cover, another favourite. Fuck, he really had put so much effort into this, hadn’t he? The thoughts, the emotions, everything that he was feeling he had put into this playlist. Playlists were their thing, and the fact that he’d made something like this for her, to show her how he felt…it was everything. She let the music wash over her, tears pouring down her cheeks as she let her heart truly feel what it wanted to feel for the first time, soaking in all of the emotion that he’d poured into this playlist. This was him, and this was her, and it was them. What more could she say?

“But with you I’ve learned how to let it out, Now my heart is ready to burst, Cause I feel like I’m ready for love, And I want to be your everything and more.”

Ella Henderson’s voice continued to spill out from her laptop speakers, but Isabella couldn’t take anymore. She had to speak to him. She had to know…she had to…fuck, she needed to hear his voice. And it only took three rings for him to answer.

“Hey, Bells.”

She sniffled as a couple of tears trickled down her cheeks, closing her eyes at the sound of his voice. “Hey, Beau.”

They fell silent for a moment, just listening to each other breathe, before Anthony eventually cleared his throat.

“You’re listening to the playlist then? I can hear Ella singing in the background.”

He knew it that well, that he could recognise a faint song? How many times had he listened to these songs before he sent them over?

“Yeah. Yeah I am. I have to know…Beau, why did you create this? Why these songs?” she murmured, eyes finally opening, staring at the list in front of her.

He huffed out a laugh, sighing softly.

“It’s always going to be you, Bells. There’s no-one else for me.”

The sound that tore out of her throat barely felt human, and her free hand quickly flew up to cover her mouth, a distraught sound coming through the phone as Anthony heard her.

“Hey, talk to me, please?”

She took a shaky breath, willing herself to stay calm, to keep herself together, and she nodded to herself, steeling her nerves.

“There’s no-one else for you?” she murmured.

“There hasn’t been for a long time.”

The smile that tugged at her lips felt traitorous somehow, her mind not believing his words. He’s liked her for a long time? How was this real? As if he could sense her warring thoughts, Anthony sighed.

“I don’t know what to say to make you believe me. Please, just listen to the songs. They show everything that I can’t over the phone. Music has always spoken for us before, right? So I’m trying to let it speak for me now.”

He was right. Music had always been the thing that connected them, that said everything they didn’t need to say. Except this time, she needed him to say something – and here he was, translating himself in a way that spoke to them both.

“You really feel this way about me?” she said softly, her voice filled with wonder.

“I really do. And I’m hoping, from everything Barzy said and the fact that you haven’t hung up on my yet, that you feel this way for me too?”

Right, because she hadn’t actually said anything that was on her mind. It was all him. Just like always.

“Yeah, Beau, I do. I like you so much,” she said, choking out a laugh, “I just…didn’t think you would ever feel the same for me. The last week has been torture.”

“I’m so sorry. I am so unbelievably sorry for ever making you feel like you aren’t the most important person in my life.”

She choked out a sob this time, her body thrumming, her heart aching, Anthony just making soft reassuring noises through the speaker until she was able to compose herself once more.

“I’ve got locker clear out tomorrow, and then…then I’m thinking about coming to New York for a few weeks. I think we should talk, really talk, face to face. We both deserve that much.”

“Yeah, you’re right. And I’d like that,” she said, a little shyly.

With further tentative plans for Isabella to join him in Quebec after he spent some time with her in New York, she ended the call, her heart full and her cheeks aching with smiling, tacky with happy tears.

Maybe she didn’t know what tomorrow would hold. Or next month. Or even when Anthony was back in Vancouver all over again. But she knew that what she felt for him was worth trying for. And wasn’t that all that mattered anyway? Anthony Beauvillier was falling in love with her just like she was falling in love with him, and she couldn’t wait to see where this journey would take her, especially with him by her side.

#my writing #anthony beauvillier fic #demi's birthday bingo #anthony beauvillier imagine #anthony beauvillier fanfic #anthony beauvillier x oc #hockey fic #hockey fanfic #hockey imagine #nhl fic #nhl fanfic #nhl imagine

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fear-of-flyers · 1 year

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holiday cards

my work for @buttercupjosh as a part of @antoineroussel winter fic exchange! enjoy kirsten <3

pairing: anthony beauvillier x fem!reader word count: 1.9k warnings: none that i'm aware of (ofc let me know if i need to add any)

Winter was by far your favorite season. It meant all of the things you loved: snow, warm drinks and spending all your free time cozied up with your best friends and family. It also meant that you got to spend all your free nights watching your favorite person in the world play hockey. You had been dating Anthony for almost 3 years and never tired of watching him live his dream. And it didn’t hurt that Anthony living his dream had led you to some of your favorite people in the world, most notably Sydney Esiason Martin. Since meeting her, Syd had become almost like your big sister. She knew firsthand what it was like dating a professional athlete but was also super funny and caring. The two of you connected on a deeper level and the connection had only increased when she had her and Matt’s daughters. You and Beau were one of the first choice babysitters and you were looking to Sydney’s advice for when you started your own family. For now though you were more than happy being an aunt and dog mom.

Beau had surprised you with a chocolate lab for your second anniversary after months of talking about getting a dog. Her name was Amber, she was 2 and absolutely spoiled by Anthony. He went into it thinking the dog wouldn’t be on the furniture and now she had a permanent spot on the couch and in your bed. This was why you knew Beau would say yes when you asked to do a holiday card. You were at the Islanders game against Nashville during the beginning of December when Sydney was telling you about their annual Christmas card shoot and you knew you had to do it. Despite being virtually certain Anthony would say yes, you made sure to get everything you would need for the shoot before asking to increase the chances. You got matching PJs for you and Anthony and a bandana in the same pattern for Amber and used pinterest (and Syd) to figure out the general vibe you wanted for poses.

All that planning meant that when Anthony got home after practice the next Friday you were set to ambush him. At 1:15 a text from Beau let you know that he was on his way home and you set to work. You tied the bandana on Amber and laid the matching PJs out on your couch; on the side table you put out a container of Anthony’s favorite cookies and Amber’s favorite treats as bribes before sitting at the kitchen island to work while you waited. Not even 20 minutes later you heard a key in the door and Amber’s paws tapping across the hardwood as she ran to greet her favorite person. “Hey there Amber!” You heard Beau say, “How’s my most favorite girl? How was your day, huh?” You rolled your eyes at his words of choice, a small smile forming on your lips. “Most favorite girl?” You said, walking over to your boyfriend. “What does that make me?” Anthony laughed, closing the gap between you and pulling you into a soft kiss. “I have the two best girls in the world,” he said, “you’re both my most favorite.” You smiled against his lips, unable to help it. “Well,” you said. “Would you do us a favor then? Since you love us so much?”

Beau’s face immediately turned suspicious. “What kind of favor?” He asked, pulling his shoes off and placing them under the bench by your door. “A special one.” You replied, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the living room. “Did you notice Amber’s bandana?” You asked, turning back slightly to see Anthony’s response. “Yeah,” he said. “I liked it. Is it new?” You nodded to answer the question. “Yup! And it’s a good thing you like it!” You said, finally coming to a stop in front of the couch. “Cause we have PJs that match!!” You turned to him and were met with a look of confusion. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Is this it? This doesn’t seem like much of a favor.” You smiled a little, stepping closer to him. “Well, I thought that we could put on our matching PJs, then take a picture and putitonaholidaycardtosendtoeveryone.”

“Woah there,” Beau said, raising his eyebrows. “We’re gonna do what? I just want to make sure I heard that right.”

“Well, I was talking to Syd at the game Thursday night and she was talking about her family’s holiday cards. I thought it would be cute if we did one.” You said, looking up at Beau through your lashes, a move you knew he couldn’t say no to. “Just super close friends and family, I promise. Plus, they can’t make fun of you because it would be making fun of the other guys who do holiday cards; and no one’s making fun of Marty.” Beau sighed and pulled you into him and you knew you won. “Thank you!” You said, wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning up for a kiss. Beau indulged you and leaned down to meet your lips before asking when you were gonna take the pictures. “I was thinking tonight, if that’s okay with you.” You answered, your head not moving from its place in his neck. You felt him nod against you. “Perfect,” he said. “Just enough time for a nap.”

…

At Beau’s insistence you napped with him. And when you woke up about 30 minutes later you decided to shower and start prepping dinner while Anthony finished sleeping. Finally, about 45 minutes later you heard Anthony’s footsteps coming down the hallway and the telltale taps of Amber walking next to him. “Hi babe,” he said, arms wrapping gently around your waist. “Hi love” You responded, putting the knife you were using down and leaning back into his embrace. “How was your nap?” Beau rested his chin on the top of your head. “Good,” he said. “Turn around.” You complied, reluctantly moving yourself from his embrace. But you were glad you did because when you turned around you were met with Anthony in his brand new PJs. “Wow!” You said, smiling as you took him in. “You look wonderful! Let me finish chopping the zucchini then everything can go in the oven and I’ll change.” You said, moving to turn around and pick up the knife. But Anthony beat you to it, gently moving you out of the way. “Let me do it.” He said, pulling the cutting board closer. “You go ahead and change; we can take the photos as soon as you’re ready.”

You smiled at his thoughtfulness and turned to go change. In the bedroom you put your PJs on before applying a little makeup and pulling your hair back into a bun. By the time you finished and made your way back to the kitchen Anthony was setting the timer for your dinner. You stood, leaning against the doorway, until he noticed you. He finally did when he turned to leave the room, a smile taking over his face. “You look good, Y/n.” Beau said and you could tell that any hesitancy he had before was gone; the excitement was shining in his eyes. “Yeah?” You asked, grabbing his hand as soon as he was near enough. “Always.” He responded, kissing your cheek. “Amber’s on the couch and I’m ready when you are.” Instead of responding you pulled him gently in the direction of the living room.

Once there you set up your phone on the TV stand and got started figuring out poses. You ended up sitting next to Beau, squeezed close; Amber was sitting on the floor in between the two of you, her head half on your leg. And it took you a couple of tries but eventually you got the shot. But to your surprise the picture you ended up going with wasn’t one of the few where you looked perfect. You had gone into the photoshoot looking for something idealistic and came out of the experience with your new favorite family photo. In the picture you chose Beau was petting Amber who was looking up happily at you as you laughed at something Beau had said. There was pure joy in each of your eyes, joy you could tell was real. As you scrolled through the photos to choose a couple more Anthony and Amber got back from their quick walk. “What are you smiling at like that?” Beau asked, unclipping Amber’s leash and slipping his shoes off. “Come look!” You said, turning your phone slightly towards him as an invitation. “I picked the main photo for our cards.” As he started towards you the timer on the oven went off so you got up, handing him your phone on the way to the kitchen. And as he swiped through the photos you took your zucchini and chicken out of the oven and turned off the rice cooker before grabbing plates and setting your places at the island.

By the time you were finished serving dinner Beau had made his way into the kitchen and put out food for Amber. He got the both of you water before finally sitting down to eat. You ate in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before asking the question you had been sitting on since you gave him your phone. “What’d you think of the pictures?” You asked, turning slightly to face Beau. “They were really great Y/n.” He said, pulling your hand out of your lap and squeezing it. “I had a lot more fun with it than I thought I would. Thank you for setting it all up.” You smiled at him, tension leaving your body. “I’m so happy about it. I can’t wait to make the cards and send them out. I love all the pictures but especially the fourth one, we look so happy.” At that Beau fully stood up and pulled you into a hug; “We are so happy.”

[bonus]

About a week later the cards came in and you spent an afternoon addressing, stamping, and stuffing envelopes. When that was all finished you walked with Amber to the post office and sent the cards off. A couple of days after that Anthony walked into the locker room and all heads turned to him. He didn’t quite know what was happening so he opted to go right to his locker and start getting dressed but when the staring didn’t let up he scooted a little closer to Mat. “Alright, what happened?” He asked, wanting anyone to say anything. “The cards bro.” Mat responded. “I’m pretty sure most of us got them yesterday.” Anthony nodded in realization, “Oh,” he said. “Were they bad or something?” He asked, now addressing the room at large. “No, just strange,” Oliver spoke up. “Not that it’s a bad strange.” Anders interjected, wanting to reassure Beau. “Yeah, it’s sweet kid.” Marty chimed in, a smile on his face. “Syd was saying that Y/n was talking about doing a card but didn’t know if you’d be down. It’s really nice to see that you did it; plus you look so happy.” Beau felt the smile taking over his face and the blush covering his cheeks, “I wasn’t super excited about it but I wasn’t gonna say no, and we are really happy. I would do anything for her.”

#anthony beauvillier #anthony beauvillier imagine #anthony beauvillier x reader #anthony beauvillier fic #new york islanders imagine #new york islanders #nhl imagine #hockey imagines #fear of writing #my writing #demi's winter fic exchange

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buckactuallys · 6 months

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tidbit tuesday

tagged by @rewritetheending and @try-set-me-on-fire <3 here's some more of the post s6 fic:

“So when Frank and I were trying to figure out what I needed from a relationship,” he says without preface, “we didn’t only discover that I was gay. We also– I figured out– What do you know about asexuality?”

“Oh,” Buck says softly. “Um. A little? I haven’t looked into it in depth but I– I’ve read a bit about it.”

That answers one question, though – he definitely misinterpreted Eddie’s expression earlier.

“Of course you have,” Eddie says fondly, and Buck thinks that he can be happy being loved platonically by Eddie. As long as he gets to keep this, he’ll be okay. “Anyway. I’m somewhere on that spectrum, too. Demisexual, maybe, because I– well. You don’t have to say anything, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

“I’m glad you did,” Buck says earnestly. “It’s a part of you, and I want to know all of them.”

i tag @shitouttabuck @clusterbuck @capseycartwright @hattalove @thatbuddie @mellaithwen and @like-the-rest-of-la if you want to!

#p #tag meme #yes this is a gay demi eddie fic #also i only need to write the epilogue now. and then i need to go over this mess and make it coherent #but we really are nearing the end. almost 30k in lmao

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nix-writes-mcyt · 2 years

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hello! just popped in to say hi and how r u? stay hydrated and have a snack if u haven't already! :] self care is important so im just checking up!

Thank you!

I'm very stressed with work and trying to find a place to live but I am self caring, and I hope you are too.

I hope you're doing okay yourself :D

#nix speaks #self care #stay hydrated #take your meds #eat #sleep #look after yourself.#demi-writes-fics

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aintgonnatakethis · 16 days

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who's going home with you tonight?

Set pre-canon, during their SGC years. After a date goes wrong, Telford goes to pick Young up. Young has some things to say, Telford has some revelations to experience, and they both have some bad mistakes to make. Part of the Aspec Year challenge. April prompt: First date

Words: 7556, Chapter 1/1, Language: English

Fandom: Stargate Universe

Rating: Explicit

Category: M/M

Relationships: David Telford/Everett Young David Telford & Everett Young

Characters: David Telford Everett Young

Additional Tags: Telford POV Pre-Canon Aromantic David Telford Demiromantic David Telford Explicit Sexual Content Oral Sex Cock & Ball Torture Angst The Aspec Year Challenge allosexual aromantic men belong in the queer community! i'll die on this hill!

Collections: The Aspec Year

@aroace-kodama-sakuko @ashirisu

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majicmarker · 6 days

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Hi hello just popping in to say I just stumbled upon your hellcheer sex shop au and um it might be the best thing I've ever read and will now proceed to read mmmm everything you have for them bc I LOVE your style of writing, and your characterization, and the format of texting is done so well, and everything is just pitch perfect and so fun and virgin demisexual eddie munson is,,,so special 2 me and ok gonna stop rambling now I hope you have the loveliest of lovely days💕💕💕

first of all, bc i am opportunistic (and that's simply the only way to ever get this done), if u think the fic is good... the book is even better (i mean. maybe? that's objective and probably dependent on if you prefer your romance spicier or less so. i like the book better since it's more in line with what i wanted to do with my stories from working at the shop, but anyway...)

this is so so lovely and i appreciate u to the moon and back 🌙💫 that fic really did help me work out a lot about what i wanted to do with my originals, so it will always be very up there in my personal favorites, and it's always The Best to hear what readers love about your writing <3

((ps if ur the ao3 commenter who complimented my use of italics and sentence structure in dialogue, i am in even MORE love with u.))

#:D #thecryptkeeperskeeper #and while we're on the subject i love writing demisexual virgin mmcs #the latest one was supposed to be just a straight guy but i'm pretty sure he accidentally became demi #i'm not sure i'm capable of writing straight ppl this always happens #ask #kattyshack fic

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seajestic · 3 months

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Recently read hell take us, heaven can wait by KivaEmber. Am now obsessed with the idea of Demi-Fiend Akechi Goro. Sometimes all you gotta do to solve your daddy issues is to just nearly die and then get turned into a half demon in the most traumatizing way possible.

If you wanna read it, link is below the read more

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sorryjustafangirl · 2 years

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beginning middle end

a/n: i was so excited to receive @tysonjost-taylorsversionost-taylorsversion as my exchange giftee for @antoineroussel 's summer fic exchange! i wrote this one with her in mind and claudia, i so so hope you enjoy this!!! i loved writing for you. this came from one scene of dialogue and i love how it developed; i hope you do too. inspired by ‘Beginning Middle End’ by Leah Noble, and Barbie and the Diamond Castle/ The Princess Bride

pairing: elias pettersson x fem!reader

word count: 3.8k+

warnings: mentions of alcohol, kids (no mention of pregnancy though), a few swears, possibly inaccurate timeline

disclaimer: not my gif (but it's so so cute!) all credit to the amazing creator!

It was an overcast day, but after living in Vancouver for more than half your life, you found great comfort in the slight drizzle and the grey clouds. You were prepping for supper when the garage door opening pulled you away from the cutting board.

“Dad’s practice must’ve ended early, hmm Snoopy,” you said quietly to the ten year old cat, rubbing his head a little. Your eldest, Gabriela, was out with her boyfriend and wouldn’t be home until later and your youngest, Jakob, was on a field trip with his school. You started to make your way towards the garage, ready to greet your husband, only to be met with the sound of a slamming door.

Even after the roughest of practices, Elias was never like that. Your pace quickened, but when you looked, it wasn’t his vehicle in the garage; it was yours, the one Gabby took to her date. You were confused since she rarely came home early but before you could ask any questions, she hastily pushed past you and ran up the stairs. The bedroom door slammed and brought you out of your slight trance. She had never acted like that before (she took after her father).

You went to the kitchen to grab a water bottle for her before walking up to her room. You knocked lightly, but she didn’t answer, so you peeked through the door, to see her on her stomach on her bed, her head covered by a pillow. Her window and blinds, which were always open, were haphazardly closed and one of her picture frames was thrown in the garbage.

“Gabby? Are you okay hun?” You asked quietly. When you were met with nothing but muffled cries for an answer, you walked into her room, placing the water bottle on her desk.

“What happened?” You sat lightly on her bed, running your hand up and down her back to soothe her. Eventually, she peeled away from the pillow, her once sparkling eyes now puffed up and dulled with red. She sniffled again, wiping away her tears before looking at you.

“He dumped me, Momma,” she cried before collapsing into your chest. Your heart dropped at her confession and quickly gathered her into your embrace to console her.

“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry.” You pressed a kiss to her hair and kept her close to you as she continued to cry. When she’d stopped trembling, you pressed another kiss to her forehead. “I’m really sorry; I know how much that hurts.”

“How would you know?” She spit out the words like venom. “You got the fairytale love story!”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve loved the same guy since you were a kid, what do you know about heartbreak?”

You sighed. “Your dad wasn’t my first boyfriend. He wasn’t even my second!” You laughed lightly and nestled further onto your daughter’s bed. “Want to hear what I know about heartbreak?”

Gabby sniffled but nodded, laying her head on your chest as you started.

“It all started when I went on an exchange program to Sweden in high school…”

You stood at the bottom of the front steps, looking up at the beige columns of your new school. You’d been in Ånge for a few weeks, settling in with your host family and feeling the excitement of a new city, but now that you were here – at your new school – all you could feel was nerves.

“You can go in, the school’s open.” A voice broke your trance and you turned to see a boy about your age, with bright blond hair and a shy smile.

“Oh. Right, thank you. Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous. I’m new here.”

“I know.” When you shot him a look, he blushed. “Your accent gives it away. But if you want, I could show you around the school?”

Now it was your turn to blush, you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. “I’d really like that. I’m Y/n.”

“Elias. Nice to meet you.”

Turns out the beautiful, charming stranger was in your homeroom and he wasted no time helping you feel acquainted. He helped you fold into his friend group and was really good with helping you translate Swedish slang you didn’t understand. It wasn’t long before you considered him your best friend.

You settled into the routine of school pretty quickly, and even made friends of your own with a guy named Edvin. A quick question about math class quickly turned into after school tutor sessions and soon enough, Edvin had asked you out.

When you’d told Elias, he gave you a tight smile, and told you to have fun. ‘Edvin’s a good guy’ he’d said.

One afternoon, you were sitting in the school yard, watching the clouds go by with Elias. You were spending lunch under the big oak tree, like every Friday while his friends were stuck in study hall. The weather was gorgeous and the two of you were laying on your backs, staring at the clouds, practicing your language skills by describing what the clouds looked like.

“That one looks like that thing that you like,” He said proudly, pointing at a white blob.

“That thing? What are you talking about?” You laughed, propping yourself on your elbows, turning towards him.

“You know, the thing!” He propped himself up too. “It’s like the animal that goes like ‘ooooo.’”

“A cow?” You laughed.

“No! The other one, the..oh you know,”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“The one that like, is a bird and has big eyes and goes ‘ooooo’. You know, the thing,”

“I think you’re talking about an owl.”

“Right. An owl.” His voice dropped to a whisper and it was only then that you noticed how close you got to him. Or did he get close to you? He brushed a piece of hair away from your eyes and his hand brushed against your arm as it fell. He was leaning over you and you saw his eyes flicker to your lips then back up to your eyes. Your breath hitched and you felt your heart start to beat faster. Did you want him to kiss you? Was he going to?

Your brain was going a thousand miles a minute; you didn’t even register the words you said next.

“Edvin asked me to go with him to the movies after school.” The hope in Elias’ eyes died but he didn’t seem to show it, slowly dropping down to lay back beside you.

“What movie are you seeing?” He asked, staring up at the clouds, trying to stop scenarios running through his head.

“I don’t know, but maybe one that screams ‘date night’ or something. This is the fourth time he’s asked me out, he’s passed the test,” you said with a blush on your cheeks.

“Test?” The surprise in his voice had you sitting up on your elbows again.

“The third date test? You don’t know the third date test?” He shook his head and you laughed a little. “Oh my gosh, it’s such a dating rule! Back home, they say that if a guy asks you out three times, he’s definitely going to ask you to be your girlfriend. If this is the fourth date, we’ve gone out successfully three times, he passes the test,” you told him, a giddy smile on your face.

“Are you going to say yes? To being his flickvän? Even if you are leaving?”

His question made you think a little bit. “Yeah. I’m not leaving for months. And I think you can still like someone from far away.”

“Wait, wait, you dated someone else right in front of Dad?” Gabriela interrupted, causing you to laugh again.

“I told you he wasn’t my first boyfriend!”

“I didn’t think you’d date someone right in front of him!” She protested.

“Oh, just you wait.”

Edvin had broken up with you shortly after you returned home. But with Elias, it was different. Years had gone by, and although you were separated by distance, you kept in touch with him regularly. Facebook comments and Instagram memes were swapped with dating advice, life problems, and everything in between.

When he found out he was being drafted to Vancouver – where you were – you were one of the first people he called. You greeted him at the airport with a long overdue hug and showed him all around the city. The two of you found the arena, the sushi place near his apartment, the bubble tea place by yours, and of course, the aquarium, where you stared at the jellyfish for what seemed like hours, stealing glances at each other, not believing this was real life.

It felt like you started right where you left off all those years ago, except this time you could pinpoint all the sparks you felt when he was around as love. You had tried to play it cool when he was around, especially on the nights the team won and you went out to celebrate, but it only took the rest of the wives and girlfriends five months to figure out your secret.

“You love him,” Holly stated one night, causing you to choke on your drink a little.

“He is my best friend.”

“No, like a ‘you’re in love with him’ type of love,” she clarified.

You sighed and looked down at your hands. “He has a girlfriend, Hols.”

“We both know he’d drop her if you said you liked him.”

You stayed silent at her words, digesting them, before shaking your head. “He wouldn’t.”

“You never know until you try.” You looked away from her, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. “Well fine, but I’d either tell him or try to get over him. If we’ve all caught on, it’s a matter of time before he does and makes it awkward.” She said, before leaving the bar with Bo.

You looked over to where Elias and his girlfriend were tangled together on the dancefloor. Their arms were around each other, and despite the loud club music, they were simply swaying, him looking down at her like she could make all his dreams come true.

Like he could love her for the rest of his life.

It was that look that prompted you to throw back the rest of your drink. If your only options were to tell him and ruin his happiness or get over him, you were going to get over him.

That night, you downloaded a boatload of dating apps, trying your hardest to get over your best friend before he discovered your feelings and you lost all of him forever. It only took a few weeks before you were skipping games to go on a date (even if you watched him score on the screen behind your date’s head at the restaurant) or leaving the bar with a new guy after every victorious game’s celebration.

It was a few months later when Elias showed up at your apartment late at night, his hair all tousled.

“What happened?” were the first words out of your mouth because even though you were trying to get over him, you would always care about him.

“She broke up with me.” His voice was small and immediately you brought his tall frame into your arms as best you could. You ran your hand up and down his back and he slumped into you, his arms going around your waist. When he broke from your embrace, you gave him a tight smile before shutting the door.

He went over to the couch, and you grabbed the pint of chocolate ice cream from the freezer before joining him. You flicked the TV on low and offered him the first scoop, holding out the spoon in front of him. With no hesitation, he took the utensil from you and dug in.

“That bad, eh?” He could only nod with a pout on his face. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. You seemed happy with her.”

“I was,” he mumbled. “She only gave me a bullshit answer too when I asked her why.”

“Ooh let me guess, she didn’t like hockey? She wanted more 5-star restaurant trips? Oh, I’ve got it. She’s one of those people who love spiders and wanted to move in with her ten tarantula tanks.” The last one cracked a smile from him, which made you feel like you’d won the lottery. But he shook his head at all your suggestions.

“She said she couldn’t be in a relationship when I was pining for someone else.” Your (stupid) heart started to beat faster, hoping, wishing, he would say what you longed to hear. That he finally realized he was in love with you. “But that’s ridiculous! I liked her. Who else would I love? Brock?”

You gave him a tight smile as your heart deflated. “You do have a bromance. Maybe she was jealous.” He took another mouthful of ice cream, saddened. You snuggled a little bit closer, your head just beside his, your bodies facing each other.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Thanks. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Sitting there on the couch, his voice soft, your bodies close enough you could hear his heartbeat, watching some trashy reality TV, you realized just how strong your feelings were. His heart was beating rapidly, but you knew it was just from the stress he was feeling around the breakup and the rest of his life. You, on the other hand, had no excuse for how fast your heart was pumping, and he no doubt could hear it.

You said yes to an online date invitation as soon as he left, needing more than ever to get over him. He wasn’t in the space for a relationship right now and you couldn’t risk it anymore. You couldn’t lose him. All you needed was someone to pass the time with. Little did you know…

A few weeks later, a knock resonated throughout your apartment and you quickly answered it, swinging the door open to see Elias…and a bouquet of flowers. But you didn’t dwell too much on that, instead, you smiled widely and pulled him in.

“Woah, excited to see me?” He joked.

“I have some good news and I want to celebrate!” You left him standing in the kitchen as you grabbed two wine glasses and a bottle of champagne from the fridge.

“I actually have news too.” The slight waver in his voice made you stop and turn around but when you saw his focused gaze, you didn’t think too much of it.

“Do you want to go first?” You offered, before popping the bottle. He shook his head.

“You seem more excited than me.”

“Okay, well then…Charlie passed the third date rule! He asked me to be his girlfriend! I am no longer sadly single!”

You turned around to pour two glasses so you didn’t see the soft smile on Elias’ face absolutely vanish, his heart stopping as it set in that he missed his chance. But by the time you turned around with the full glasses, a strained smile was back on his face, trying his best to be happy for you, his best friend.

“Oh, I never asked! What are the flowers for?”

“I…I just thought you’d like them, that’s all,” he said, staring down at them before exchanging them for a glass of champagne with a tight smile.

“To you and Charlie,” he said, lifting a glance to clink it with yours, before downing it.

“You dated TWO boys in front of Dad’s face?” Gabriela’s jaw hung slack and you shrugged shyly.

“He was my best friend and he had a girlfriend! What was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, tell him you were in love with him?”

“You get your smarts from your father, not me.”

She shyly smiled at your comment. “What happened to Dad? Why did he bring you flowers?”

“Well, I didn’t know it then, but he brought them to ask me out. He realized his ex girlfriend was right, he liked me, but saw I was happy with Charlie and so he didn’t mess with it.”

“Wow. That must’ve been hard.”

You shrugged. “It was the wrong time. He went on to date a couple other people but nothing ever lasted longer than a year.”

“When did he tell you about the flower night?”

“At our wedding.” Gabby gasped and you laughed. “He put the little detail in his vows and I had to find out in front of everyone that he was going to ask me out years before he did.”

“What happened with Charlie?”

“Charlie and I dated for around two and a half years, before he got a job in Australia. He asked me to move there with him but, all my family was here, your dad was still playing for the Canucks, and I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to leave here for a brand new place, only having my boyfriend for a support system. He didn’t want to do a long distance thing so he told me I didn’t love him enough and broke up with me. But your dad was really helpful during that, he’s my best friend for a reason. I still remember this one night…”

It had been about four and a half months since Charlie broke up with you and after a lot of rom-com watching, crying, and partying to get over him, you finally felt like you were ready. Elias was over for a movie – Mamma Mia because you had always wanted to go to Greece and he hadn’t taken you yet, he said – and you were sharing a bucket of popcorn. Your hands had brushed a couple of times and it just made you think of how you no longer felt tied to Charlie.

“I think I might be ready to start dating again,” You said quietly into the room as the movie ended. Elias’ head quickly popped up and he turned towards you.

“What?”

“I think I’m finally ready to start..putting myself out there again. Like I downloaded Bumble last night." You turned to your best friend to see him biting his bottom lip. "What?" He shook his head and got up from the couch to stand above you.

"No. Just...no." You sat up, appalled at his words.

"No? Excuse me, you don't get to make that decision. My life, my decision," You said, your gaze fierce on his.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I meant, no, don't go on Bumble. Don't go on eHarmony, don't go on Tinder, don't go on any dating app. I-" He cut himself off and looked down at his hands, sighing.

You placed a hand on his knee and tapped it lightly. "You what, 'Lias?" He smiled briefly at your actions before taking a deep breath and speaking.

"I...want to be the one. I want to be your one. I might not have been your beginning and I wasn't your middle, but I was there for them. I saw your pain when Edvin broke up with you and when Charlie did and I would - I want to! - treat you better. I want to be your ending. I want to be the last one to love you, until we have kids and then they'll love you but I want to be the last one to ever give you butterflies, to make you flustered at gala events, to wake up next to you and spend every Sunday morning in bed. In five years, in ten years, in fifty years, I still want to be yours. I want to give you everything you deserve, I want to be that person, I've wanted to be that person for years. Don't go on dating apps when I'm right here. Please. Let me show you that this love could be something special."

You were silent for a little bit after his declaration but he just gave you time. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet as you took in his words, and what they meant for the future.

"You really love me like that?" Your voice was small as if you were unsure of his honesty but his response was firm, enough to know he wasn't even remotely kidding.

"I love you more than that, but that's all I can put into words."

"You know, I’ve had a small crush on you since you moved here," You said, biting the corner of your lip to suppress a smile.

"Is that a yes? You'll give me a try?" You stood up off the couch, grabbing his hands and intertwining them.

"I'll give us a try, yeah." His face lit up like a kid on the last day of school and his arms wrapped around you tightly, swinging you back and forth.

"I'll make this worth it, I promise," he said into your hair.

"It's already worth it, 'Lias."

“And then a few years later, we went back to Ånge in Sweden and your dad proposed to me.” You look down at the ring, admiring it, before looking over to Elias who you noticed was leaning against the door frame, only to see him already looking at you. You kept eye contact with him and smiled. “It was one of my favourite days, to get engaged to the love of my life.”

You turn back to Gabby, whose tears had all dried, but you still swiped her cheeks. “But it took a long time for me to get that. That’s okay. Love isn’t on a deadline. You don’t have to rush it and try to find someone, just to have someone. The love will show itself, maybe in small ways you don’t even realise. But when you do find the one that makes it feel like you heard a symphony when they tell you their name, it will be worth it. It’ll be worth this heartbreak, I promise,” you tell her, and she nodded.

“Tomorrow, you can stay home from school and we’ll watch Top Gun: Maverick and Bridgerton with all the ice cream you want okay? Take some time and come down for supper if you want.” You kissed the top of her head before leaving the room, your husband following you.

You went back to making dinner, having left it for so long, and his arms snaked around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder as you continued to chop vegetables.

“I’m so lucky,” he murmured. You feel your cheeks heat up, flustered, but he continued. “I get to come home from playing hockey in my childhood dream city to a house that smells like home and a wife who told our daughter I was the love of her life. I’m just..so lucky to have the life I do.”

“You do know Gabby got her heart broken today?” You asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Yes, and tomorrow the no-good asshole will be hearing from me and the rest of the team, but for tonight, I’m going to just appreciate my beautiful, wonderful wife who I am so lucky to be the mother to our children. I love everything you do for me, for our daughters, for this house. I love you.”

“I love you too, Elias, you know that.”

“Still love to hear it.” He leaned around to press a quick kiss to your cheek. “Now let me chop the mushrooms while you finish the carrots.”

His simple act made you blush and you moved over, him taking his spot beside you – the only place he knew he truly belonged from the beginning, middle, and to the end.

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#elias pettersson imagine #elias pettersson fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl x reader #hockey imagine #hockey fic #elias pettersson #abby writes #thanks again demi!! i had so much fun writing this! :)

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