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antheshewro · 1 month

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Una mattina - Chapter 4.

It took a cup of tea and a stop on a local café to make Levi learn how Hange, his partner perhaps for life, hid something big from him. Something as big as another person, and a baby, involved. Perhaps going out that day had been a mistake.

♡ Very early update (compared to the previous ones), i was hoping to post this chapter last weekend but i'm moving out of my apartment so i don't know when I'll have a decent wifi again ;( this is why I'll finish to post the story today, divided in two chapters. Hope you're going to like it! ♡ NDA: when i wrote the last two parts i cried. tmi

Four months passed from that moment, and eventually, like clockwork, Lawrence's due date came. Until that moment, she kept living each day of her life as if it was the last. She only bothered to let Levi know when she was gonna get hospitalised and where, but asked the nurses to keep him out of the room as soon as her contractions began and was ready to give birth. It took ten hours of labour to deliver her baby, a beautiful boy. Her exhaustion made her sleep instantly, while the newborn got carried out of Lawrence's room by a nurse, in order to let her rest properly. Several hours later, while being in a slight slumber, she didn't move nor spoke. She knew the baby was most likely in Levi's arms, and he probably didn't even wait a second before taking the newborn from his crib. Even that one nurse, a young woman around her age, would give Lawrence a sympathetic smile, one that carrried sadness in it. But she felt felt defeated.

“It’s a boy.” Levi’s voice could be heard throughout the hospital, and the proud tone in it showed how happy he was about the gender of the child. Lawrence couldn’t do anything but lay back on her hospital bed. It felt a bit surreal, listening to Levi talking about her kid like that. She felt exhausted and didn’t feel like moving one bit, her back resting on the hard surface of the bed. She wasn’t even the one who held her own kid after it was born.

Lawrence knew that would be the last time she could even see her own son. Levi was about to take him to his own house and that would be it. She went through a whole pregnancy just to carry someone else's child. The mere thought made her sick to her stomach. Clutching the bedsheets and pulling them towards her face, her eyes closed and shredded a couple of tears. He had what he wanted, at the end of the day. Levi got the kid he pestered Lawrence about. Before Levi took the baby out of the room, he looked back at Lawrence for a good moment and his eyes lingered at Lawrence, at the tears running down her face. It didn’t stop him from smiling at her, though, or taking his son. It wasn't Lawrence’s child, after all. Levi’s face was filled with pride and joy, as if he was seeing the best baby in the whole world. “His name’s Arthur.”

Once the door of her hospital room got closed and Levi's footsteps were not audible anymore, Lawrence silently cried in her bed. Everything she prepared for the kid, from the nursery to his small drawer filled with clothes and his box with toys, they were useless. No child was gonna use them. When she went back to her house just a couple of days later, Lawrence wouldn't move from her own room. She would function just because of her usual routine: eating, sleeping, showering and going to work during the week, while the weekend she'd stay either in her bedroom or the small nursery. Not a day passed without her crying, as if she was mourning her child. Levi, on the other hand, was feeling like a proud father when he had Arthur in his arms. He took care of the baby, bought everything it would need to keep him alive in this world, and loved him in the way Hange would. He was happy, as he made sure to let it known that he was the father of this child. He’d tell everyone he knew and took Arthur to public places with him. Arthur, of course, would wear the clothes Levi bought him, spoiling the newborn with everything he could buy him. ______________________________________________________________ For the following three years after Arthur's birth, Lawrence had forcefully tried to get out of the void that trapped her in that state. She went to see a therapist, meds were helping her not to fall in a vicious cycle where her mind had its best on her. The first year was difficult. Each of little Arthur's birthdays were like a grieving day for her. She didn't know what her son looked like, what was his favourite dish, animal, colour. Arthur didn't know about her, and probably he would never know Lawrence was his mother. No med would help that pain to go away.

At four, Arthur looked like he was her twin, taking after his mother a lot. He had Lawrence’s eye shape and hair. Levi could even see it in the way Arthur’s mouth curved when he was happy, and it made his heart ache. Arthur wasn’t just Lawrence’s, he was her only legacy. The only thing she had left from Hange, and as much as it hurt for Levi to have him, Arthur deserved to see the world through happy eyes. Levi would be the one to give him all the love he needed.

There were times where Lawrence would sit alone in the nursery she made next to her own bedroom and look around, in complete silence. The crib, the wooden toys, the painted walls with sheeps and cats she draw herself during the first months of her pregnancy. That room was beginning to get dusty, the air stuffy. How could she go on, knowing her own son lived in her same town, yet he knew nothing about her? Even when she tried to go on and go out with a man, she felt pathetic, ridiculous. As if everything good she had was gonna be taken away from her once again.

Lawrence wasn’t the only one who felt that way. Levi felt bad for taking away her kid, for being happy with someone else’s child, for loving and caring about it as if it were his own. The guilt was eating away at him, even if he still tried to do the best he could to raise Arthur properly. But he didn’t know how many more times Lawrence would go through this.

What made her heart ache even more was seeing all the parents being happy with their kids, playing in the park. She would sit on a bench with a warm cup of coffee, right after her shift, just to take a moment for herself. Even though it was meant to be a quiet, relaxing break for her, that sight was even more painful. The moment her gaze was fixed onto the ground, looking at the leaves scattered around, a kid would approach her. Dirty blonde hair, green eyes. He couldn't be older than four, dressed up with a little blue romper and a white shirt. Lawrence's heart dropped at that sight, yet give the child a small smile in return. She would have to live as she always had, watching those happy moments from afar. The tears that were about to roll down her cheeks were held back as she looked away from the happy child in front of her. Her hand touched the child's soft cheeks and hair, widening her smile as much as she could even if tears spilled from her eyes. He was holding a stuffed animal, which soon learnt was a giraffe. The kid's curious eyes looked at Lawrence, as if they were trying to study her, and responded eventually with another smile. “What's your name, sweetheart?” She asked a few seconds later, blinking slowly and letting more tears fall from her eyelids to her skin, while she placed her coffee cup aside on the bench. ”My name is Samuel!” He said with a little shout. His voice was high and clear, yet still very soft. He was probably excited at having a new person to talk to. “What’s your name?” Samuel continued with a tilted head, having his stuffed giraffe in his other hand. He looked like a happy, little kid, filled with joy at having no problems in life at the moment.

Lawrence, after an immense amount of time, felt her heart bursting with unconditional love and joy. As much as it was painful for her, that simple interaction was enough to warm her heart in a way that felt totally unexpected. Giving Samuel another smile, she cupped the child's cheek and brushed her thumb on his skin. “My name is Lawrence,” She quietly replied, with a single nod, as to greet the little boy. Her hand, then, went to hold and shake the little boy's. “Nice to meet you.” Samuel immediately giggled when Lawrence took his hand, his whole body shaking a bit. He probably never met someone as soft as her before, and Lawrence looked like she could be his mother if only the world had been kinder to her. ”Nice to meet you, Lawrence!” The chil said enthusiastically, smiling bright as he talked with the woman. “Your name is very pretty!” He then told her, a bit of a dreamy gaze on his face while he told his thoughts out loud. Her heart, at that point, shattered in million little pieces. Samuel looked like the true definition of a carefree child. Lawrence took notice of every single detail, from the way the romper wrapped around Sam's tiny body, to his hands holding the stuffed giraffe, to his missing tooth on the front of his mouth. “You're very kind, Sam,” She said gently after a minute of silence, brushing a leaf that fell on the boy's head in the meantime. “Your mother is surely proud of you.”

Sam thought for a few seconds, his brow furrowing in concentration. He remembered having a mommy, he really did. Yet he couldn’t recall what or who she looked like. Sam didn’t understand it. “She is not proud of me…” Samuel answered sadly, a little frown forming on his face at the thought. Sam didn’t have a mother anymore that loved him and that made him feel really sad just a moment ago. Then, he smiled, looking at Lawrence and shrugging his shoulders. “But that’s okay!” Lawrence felt like she didn't have a heart anymore. If Sam didn't have a mother or she wasn't loving him as he deserved, it all felt like a cruel, inhuman joke. The little boy wasn't her child, yet she felt her motherly instincts kicking in. “You don't have a mother anymore?” She asked quietly, as if she didn't want to trigger any sort of reaction in Sam that could potentially make him feel bad. “Are you here with your dad?” Sam shook his head and placed his stuffed giraffe on his lap with a big smile on his face, as if trying to hide the sad truth of the situation. “I had a mommy,” He replied quietly. He then giggled softly and looked at Lawrence, tilting his little head once more. “And you have a baby?” Lawrence looked down at her stomach, as if she expected to find Arthur with her. She placed a hand over her abdomen. “No, Sam. I don’t.” She replied softly. Lawrence couldn't vent to a kid, of course. She couldn't explain why her child wasn't with her anymore, and that situation felt heavy. It didn't take long, however, to see a man calling Sam's name, quickly stepping towards the bench with a rather worried look on his face. Perhaps it was his dad, or a step father. Samuel looked at Lawrence with a concerned stare, sensing something was wrong with that nice woman he just met at the park. He looked curious about what she would say or do, as his head tilted once again and he raised his eyebrows with a question mark in his eyes. Sam’s dad came over to her, a quite handsome looking man who looked like he was in his late twenties. He looked as if he lived a good life, with a steady job that had allowed him to raise Sam in a good way. The boy looked at his dad, a bit embarrassed as he pointed towards Lawrence. “I made her sad, dad.” Upon hearing those words, she let out a light chuckle and shook her head, reaching for her purse to grab a tissue and wipe the tears and smudged makeup off her face. The idea of a kid she just met being so sensitive to other people's feelings was making her heart ache in a way that her chest hurt. “He did nothing wrong,” She reassured Sam's father with a polite nod of hers, wiping her nose as she spoke to the man. “Samuel is a lovely child.” Sam smiled when Lawrence complimented him then climbed on her lap, being a bit more affectionate with her as he placed his tiny hand on her chest. His dad looked at Lawrence and smiled. “My son is very sweet and considerate of others. He’s a joy to raise.” Then, he kneeled next to Lawrence, in order to look at her face. “Is everything alright?”

The little boy's embrace felt so good yet painful. It was the hundredth reminder of how she was never going to experience anything like that, at least when it came to her own child. Even a simple question about how she was doing made her feel loved. Nobody else cared about asking such thing to her anymore. “More or less,” She replied to the man with a soft whisper, nodding and wiping some more tears from her rosey cheeks. “It'll pass, don't worry.”

Samuel placed a small kiss on Lawrence’s cheek, making her heart ache once more. He didn’t even notice, though, since he was too busy trying to play with his stuffed giraffe to notice what went on with her. Sam’s dad was more perceptive than his son, as he was already looking between the boy and Lawrence. He knew she was acting strange to say the least. “Are you sure?” He asked her quietly. As much as she was very reserved and cared about not saying her business to the first person she'd meet on the street, just like it happened with the man crouching in front of her on the bench, Lawrence needed to let it all out. Not even waiting for her therapy appointment whatsoever. Her lips quivered at the thought of having to explain what happened to her, yet she did. Lawrence told Sam's father about her own son, how Levi took it from her, keeping it simple. Her hand would clutch the tissue every now and then, feeling the same pain she experienced when she gave birth and Levi took her child from her.

Despite being a stranger to that entire situation, Samuel's father was shocked. He couldn’t even believe that such a thing had happened. Lawrence was supposed to be a happy mother who got to see her first child learn to talk, walk, etc. She was supposed to be with her own son, not having to mourn him. He gently pulled Lawrence in a hug, not saying a word, since there was nothing to say. Sam could sense everything happening and was worried about Lawrence. He gently laid his head on Lawrence’s shoulder, cuddling her and letting her know he was there for her. For the first time in three years, Lawrence felt understood. She felt loved, in a way, even more than Hange had loved her before passing and through their secret relationships. Even more than her friends and colleagues would do. Whoever that man was, he took his time to listen to her burdens and didn't judge her, nor made her feel like a scapegoat. It felt like the floodgates opened once she hugged that man, burying her head on his shoulder, soaking his soft green sweater with her tears. Lawrence would never be a mother for Arthur. That was her grim truth.

Sam’s father was kind and patient with her, knowing she needed it. Being the father of a young kid, he must have been used to things like these, and he didn’t mind helping Lawrence through it. Samuel, meanwhile, kept being affectionate towards her. His tiny hand gently pat on her head, comforting his new 'friend' in a way no one else would. He knew she was in pain, even if he didn’t understand why she was feeling this way. The moment she pulled away from the hug, Lawrence would excuse herself for that little breakdown she had and caress Sam's hair, as to thank him for his support. His dad was indeed an awesome man, and by the way he carried himself he must've been a doctor, or a lawyer perhaps. His kindness was the thing that struck her. A type of kindness she never expected from a man.

“You two make a wonderful father-son pair.” Lawrence said after a short while, drying her cheeks with a clean tissue and offering the other two a rather warm smile. Samuel, like his father, enjoyed a bit of banter with Lawrence. Even if he was only four, he had a way of putting things and talking to Lawrence that made her think he was much more mature. He smiled back at Lawrence, gently taking his son’s hand and looking at him. “Sam is my treasure.” Then, he looked back at Lawrence and stood up, offering her a hand to help her up as well. After she took the offered hand, he continued. “I’m Michael, Michael Watson.” Lawrence gladly accepted the gesture and held Michael's hand, feeling how firm yet gentle his grip was. He was taller than her, a well built man. Sam was his carbon copy of his own father, to say the least: they both shared the same eyes and nose. “Lawrence Rose Mary.” Michael’s blue eyes had a curious look, studying Lawrence even as she held his hand, and his gaze would be slightly drawn towards the stuffed giraffe that Sam was still holding in his right hand. “Samuel and I have to get going now, Lawrence.” He told her, smiling at her and tilting his head. “Thank you for being nice to me.” The little boy gently said, giving her one last kiss on the cheek as well, making her break once more.

Once she greeted the two of them, Lawrence grabbed her coffee cup, now cold, and marched towards her own house. That entire moment was one she know it would be keeping up her at least that same night, but it was needed to let her know there's not only despair and grieving around her. There's love, compassion even.

#attack on titan #aot #levi x reader #levi x hange #levihan #levi x oc #hange x oc #post war aot #levi x pregnant!reader #hange x pregnant!reader #aot x ooc #aot ooc #levi x pregnant!oc #pregnant oc #hange x pregnant!oc #snk #shingeki no kyojin

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percontaion-points · 2 years

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All Grown Up chapters 29 & 30

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 29

"I want us to be together, as a family. These are just copies, I want to be where you and Anthony are."

It's not about the future; it's about the stuff that you missed because you were too busy making up shit to get angry about.

By Father’s day, Anthony’s name had been officially changed to Anthony Charles Mackey...

Isn't that the name of the Marvel actor?

(Okay, his full name is Anthony Dwane Mackie, but still. What the fuck.)

Both of us were out of breath and were tangled together on the floor in front of the fireplace. I had never felt so happy, so fulfilled, in all my life.

Chapter 29 summary: Some time passes. Eventually Elaine asks to meet up with Chloe in the city, and apologizes. Says that she was projecting her past hurt onto Chloe, and that wasn't right of her. After that, Chloe and Leo move in together, where they can crumple up their custody agreement.

Chloe gets Tony's name legally changed and “gives” this to Leo for father's day. Leo takes her out, where he proposes. And you know, considering that the book has been building up to this moment, the narration is like “we had a courthouse wedding. Okay bye.”

Leo then makes a comment about Chloe being pregnant, and they decide to try for a baby then and there.

Chapter 30

From the moment that Leo found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t keep his hands off of my stomach or out of my pants. The larger my belly became, the more he would attack me.

I know what was meant, but considering the half-abusive background Chloe was in with Dom, this was a goddamned shitty choice of words.

Two years after Leo and I had been married, Max was injured in a game and could no longer play in the NFL.

This is literally the second time Max's NFL career has been mentioned.

I curled up closely to his chest, kissing it, and simply said, "I’ve always liked the name Leonard."

Chapter 30 summary: This is the almost obligatory ending in which we see them popping out kids left, right and center. Mina and Oliver had a daughter. (I don't give a fuck.) Chloe and Leo had another son, Christopher.

Later, some other stuff happens with the background characters. And let me tell you that if the author didn't seem to give a shit about the MAIN CHARACTERS, her focus on the background characters is even less. Leo asks that they try for a girl this time. They do, and her name is Lily.

Later, Chloe goes to a girl's night at the beach with Mina and Roni, where they exchange some of the most “DUDE, TMI” bedroom stories. Chloe goes home where she drunk fucks Leo. After, she's like “shit, we didn't use a condom. Oh well, let's name the kid 'Leo junior'.” The end.

#All Grown Up (Sadie Grubor)#chapter 29 #Chapter 30 #Leo Mackey #Chloe (AGU)#Tony (AGU)#shitty men are shitty #i have no sympathy for you #HEADDESKING #missing the point #can we not #words mean things #Nobody fucking cares #random background characters are random

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malec-glitter-and-magic · 6 years

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IF MAGNUS WAS SASSY ON THIS SCENE..

Asmodeus: is that my beautiful boy?

Magnus: uhhh, no? it’s your free-wheeling bisexual son. your BEAUTIFUL free-wheeling bisexual son.

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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Hc turns out Alastair actually likes politics

Hes smart and hed like to make a change in the way shadowhunters are treated

Hes like Christopher in that aspects, wanting to use different ways to advocate and carry out his mandate thought hes a good fighter

But he thinkseverything is extremly wrong and corrupted and its all shit after the breakup and he starts having HIS own thoughts

And necesarily he doesnt want to actually actively participate in politics

He wants to live his life and be happy

But it never stops nagging him that there is something wrong

So he does what he knows how to do

He writes, and advocates, and apologizez to Thomas cause he is aware Gideon is high up in politics but see your fathers not the problem im critisizing a system.

Writes it under A.C.

And everyones knows its him but no one can prove it so

Hes very vocal aboit his opinions

Once he dies the clave really tries to hude everything he did

All his small victories, his writtings everything because it challenges their costumes. Until Alec is able to find them

And theyre brilliant

And after getting 1900's speak (which is hilarious cause he just walks around the apartment with Alastairs letters like "hey babe what does effontry mean?" And magnus will shout "means someones being a huge dick" "Thank you Magnus")

Its actually pretty smart

He asks if Magnus has any idea who AC is and Magnus really doesnt know (he wasnt in shadowhunter buisness around that time he just visited offly) (and by offly I mean every ten years)

So he takes one of the letters for some time to try to figure it out and after reading everything just clicks like "Oh shit this was Cordelias brother"

And Alec is like???

Magnus: okok remember how I told you half your ancestors just didnt just "not marry" but were excrutiatingly gay

Alec nods

Magnus hands him the letter: see this was one of your ancestors lovers and he was a smartass cocky mf

After that lovely explanation he actually gets down to genuinly explain who Alstair was

His theory was really good Alec noted

At the end he takes into account some of the things he wrote

And when he finds an old letter (that had nothing to do with politics) he gives it to Emma

She lost everything she had of her family besides her sword

He knows shed like to have his ancestor as equally liked to participate in fuck the clave agenda

ok wait I'm having a moment *aka crying*

You KNOW this is exactly what he'd do. Like, I don't even know what to say I'm so emotional about this concept

He would totally see Charlotte's struggles with Maurice and the rest of Clave, and that's even more reason to keep it anon (to a degree, as you said) so people couldn't say he's biased (because Fairchilds/Lightwoods/Herondales' are friends and everyone knows that.)

(But honestly would many people be able to guess it's him?!? Like those asses that used to know his wittiness and eloquence wouldn't believe his opinions changed (because even after he starts "living with his dear friend Thomas" and gets closer to Lightwoods etc., that's not enough proof for people to suspect him, and he's not vocal about his views. and his friends etc wouldn't say. Idk just thinking out loud)

Oh I'm pretty sure Thomas wouldn't mind BUT ALSO IMAGINE ALASTAIR JUST STRAIGHT UP DISCUSSING THESE THINGS WITH GIDEON

like we know Gideon basically adopts him (aka that's a headcanon I'll never ever abandon it's canon shut up everyone) and loves him like his own son and so they just meet for dinner/tea/whatever to chat, and Alastair would often just suggest things to Gideon so he could present them to the Clave please this would be perfect

Also I don't know as much about Enneagram as you, but from what I've read wanting to leave their mark on the world is pretty important to eights, so on one hand yes those writings helping and inspiring Alec years later is beautiful af, but also THE CLAVE BURYING IT ALL FOR DECADES BREAKS MY HEART

just... Alastair dying, say, probably somewhere around/after WWII, and seeing how mundanes world went to shit and seeing similarly dangerous fucked up notions among the Shadowhunters (I barely remember TMI, but I doubt the Circle jsut appeared out of nowhere and there were no idiotic ideas like theirs before ) atahgasyab my heart </3

the thought of Magnus reminiscing about TLH gang to Alec shit shit shit- *cries more*

And damn Alec would find so much comfort in Alastair's story - a man who fought for the right cause even despite all he went through, and even in those much worse times. It brings Alec strength to face his own battles, reminds him to never give up. sometimes he's tired and defeated and thinks maybe it would be better to just leave it all behind and try to fight for nothing more than his own family's well-being, but then he glances at one of those essays, framed over his desk, and he takes a deep breath. He thinks of Alastair, and says to himself 'its for him'. For the guy that didn't get to see the changes, but relentlessly advocated for them all the same. Its for Thomas, Eugenia and Anna Lightwood, Matthew Fairchild, Kamala Joshi, who all should not have lived through those struggles. That's what he can do for them now.

fuck fuck fuck look I don't like Emma but the thought of her smugly realising one of her ancestors was not only a badass gay icon but an advocate for change that messed with the Clave as much as he could hold up I'm gonna cry-

Basically-

#zia you'll be the death of me #the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #chain of iron spoilers #thomas lightwood #the shadowhunter chronicles #alec lightwood #magnus bane #alec lightwood bane #mutuals!#zia ask #tw swearing #tw caps

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icequeenbae · 3 years

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The Duality of Baekhyunie (m) | BBH

Sequel: Double the Jealousy

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader, female!Baekhyun x Reader

Superpowers, best friends to lovers, lots of backstory (sorry), some angst, smut

Warnings: female Baek, some girl on girl action, explicit content (mostly f/m, but… you’ve been warned), unprotected sex

Word Count: 9.3k

Summary: Teleporting into your best friend’s office uninvited was something you’d gotten used to. What you didn’t count on is overhearing a 'private moment' one late night. Realizing that you could not accept the notion of him being with somebody else, you responded the only way you knew how – you ran away from the object of your inconvenient feelings. But when you have to face him in the most vulnerable state, can you really accept him for what he is?

Author’s Note: So… This is my tumblr debut hehe It’s not at all my first piece of writing, but I’m happy to start off my blog by sharing this. It was a very long road for me, and I couldn’t do it without @technicallymilkshakes who was my rock throughout the editing process [sending love your way, Mars]. I hope you guys enjoy the story, please let me know what you liked (or suggest improving) in the comments or DMs, I’d love to hear from you!

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo

Byun Baekhyun was your bestest friend. You’d known him a lifetime, and absolutely adored him from day one. Although incredibly cheeky (which, in all honesty, was part of his charm), Baekhyun was also incredibly soft-hearted towards everyone – those he considered family in particular. During the many years of your friendship, he looked after you, especially since he was a few years your senior.

Both pretty open-minded and talkative, you used to chat about anything and everything, and it was so natural for you to ask him to come over with snacks and cuddles and some mischief whenever you were feeling down or just plain bored (like he wasn’t already on his way). Baekhyun, dramatic as he was, would lift your spirits up easily, telling you hilarious stories about himself. Like that one time he told his then-crush he was a goalkeeper to make a pun (girl-keeper, you see?), and then had to pretend to actually be a goalie of the school’s soccer team. His goalkeeping skills were so miserable that the girl he was trying to impress walked off with someone else after the game. However, he stuck with it and, turned out, he wasn’t a talentless player – he just went for the wrong position. Baekhyun loved telling this story of him becoming a star-forward of the school, and – a tiny TMI – a universal crush for any girl in a ten mile radius. All thanks to one bad pun. And maybe a haircut.

Still, the biggest secrets you’d traded were those related to your abilities. Both you and Baekhyun came from very special backgrounds and inherited the familial powers of your ancestors. The women in your family traditionally received the gifts from their mothers — thus, your power was teleportation. Your mom also had the gift of vision, but this ability was not as easy to tap into so it came later on in adulthood. That you were thankful for; teleportation alone was difficult enough, requiring more practice than you could muster the discipline for. But with the help of your loving family and your best friend by your side, you gradually got there.

As for Baekhyun… it was complicated.

His family had a specific way the familial magic was inherited. For generations, their women had been giving birth to twins – a son and a daughter. The son would then receive the power of shapeshifting, and his sister would control the healing light. Yet Baekhyun’s mother did not follow any rules: she simply fell in love and got married — against her family’s wishes — to an ordinary man with no magic in his blood.

The inevitable happened; the firstborn – only a son, no daughter – was discovered to have taken after his father and held no magical power. Not that it made a difference to his parents, but the mother’s side of the family was inconsolable — their powerful line was in danger.

When Baekhyun was born, surrounded by shimmering orbs, it was clear as day that he indeed had a power. As he grew older, it became more and more evident that he controlled the Light. You would think that his mother’s family would finally be pleased… Yet they were furious. Not only did the boy not have the ability to shapeshift, but he also held the power inherited exclusively by women of their family. It was a disgrace.

You, on the other hand, never cared about his heritage. In fact, you thought he had the coolest power in the world! The amount of times he fooled around, lighting in-house stars for you during sleepovers, was impossible to count. Though you feared the dark before, Baekhyun managed to make it your friend. And why would you fear anything when his touch could heal almost any injury? Even though it could drain him, he always healed you. ‘What are friends for?’ he used to say, patting you on the head fondly.

The two of you were inseparable for many years, and you never questioned it – not until high school. Since Baekhyun had already started university, you saw much less of him around. No lunch breaks together, no fun walks home after classes… You kept coming over (read – teleporting) to hang out, of course, and he told you about the ‘grown up life’ he was leading. But that was far from how much time you used to spend together when you went to the same school. You missed the way he would always make you laugh at the library, getting both of you kicked out as a result, just to have you come to his hapkido classes and watch the elementary school kids he trained call him Master-nim. Every time one of them addressed him, he side-eyed you with the most neutral expression he could muster. You didn’t buy it for one second – he definitely enjoyed that! Most likely because of the giant eye roll you responded with, which easily broke his attempts to maintain a straight face and made him tilt his head back in that rumbling laugh of his. You only shook your head and let the corner of your mouth turn up slightly, contemplating if it made his chest hurt.

It was hard for you, not having him around all the time. No one could read you so well. Whenever he met up with you to go home after school, it only took him 3 seconds to know if you were upset or tired or simply in a bad mood. And he always figured out what to do – joke around, give you a tight hug, or sit you down in ‘your’ armchair in his room (he asked his parents to get it since you complained that sitting on the floor left bruises on your butt) as he opted to sit on a pillow in front of you, and have a long conversation about what was bothering you. Usually fueled by some hot chocolate too – you were a teenage girl, after all.

Of course you strived to reciprocate, however, Baekhyun didn’t like to share much of his troubles. He just made it sound like a joke. ‘I’m a man, you know? I’ll figure it out, Y/N-ah!’ But you could tell from his tone when it was hard for him to handle alone. So you just didn’t let him; ignoring his act, you would throw your arms around him in a tight lock and tell him you would always be there to help. And you really were – cheering him on wherever he went and being someone he could rely on.

But could you do that from a different city? You guessed he simply avoided talking to you on the phone if he was down. Obviously, you couldn’t teleport every few hours to check on him. It felt like he was slipping away, little by little, with you knowing fewer and fewer details of his day and, generally, his life. But you still wanted to know those things and be a part of his life! You wanted to be the one to press your cheek to his shoulder as you held him when he was sad or frustrated. And the one he showcased his cringy aegyo to in order to get you to cook him something yummy. And the one he teased mercilessly every time you messed up in his favorite video game, tickling you and shoving you playfully to the side with one hand as a distraction because the winner got a wish granted.

Long distance friendship made you realize that you missed him. His playfulness and silly jokes, his caring eyes and warm embrace, his loud laugh and tiny pout, even the way he always devoured food as if someone was after him. You missed him so much more than one would miss a friend.

That was not a revelation you were ready for. The unfamiliar stirring in your chest every time you visited, or so much as thought of him, was not something you were equipped to handle. He suddenly became the first boy to make you feel like a million butterflies fluttered their wings in your belly with just his morning voice on the phone. But what could you do from so far away? You desperately wanted to get him back in your life, now more than ever, and decided to choose universities closer to his whereabouts. So that you could be around more – the way you used to be, as opposed to stopping by as an occasional guest.

Luckily, you got into the same school as him, although not in business administration, but marketing. You were so happy – finally you had a chance with him! Being in close proximity again, you were sure you could find a way to let him know that you wanted to be more than friends. Yes, you had no experience in this whatsoever, and you barely even acknowledged that your newly discovered feelings for him were of a romantic nature, but it was Baekhyun, after all. If anyone could read you like a book, it was him. And he’d know what to do.

But as time passed, you realized that you were so heavily friend-zoned that no technique would help make Baekhyun see you as a girl. You were just that – his precious childhood friend. And at that point of your life, for the first time, the notion made you sick. You used every trick in the book on him, but all in vain. Falling asleep on his shoulder? He’d just cover you with a blanket. Subtly asking him out on a picnic date? Sure enough, he’d bring his friends – the more, the merrier, right? And if you opted for extra pretty clothes when you came over to his place, he offered you to change in some of his, since yours didn’t ‘look comfy’.

Maybe you weren’t skilled enough to get the message across, you thought. So, as an act of despair, you did the last thing that came to your mind. You got drunk. Not just for the sake of it though – you merely needed some ‘liquid courage’ to confess to your best friend. You should’ve realized that it was a bad idea, but you still went with it. And, as anticipated, it did not go well.

‘Baekhyunee,’ you whined, putting your head onto his chest as you wrapped your arms around his waist. ‘You’re always so good to me. I want to tell you something… important.’

Your speech was slurred, but you tried to sound as serious as possible.

‘And what would that be?’ Baekhyun chuckled, holding you by the shoulders to keep you from falling on the floor in his room, where he brought you to crash.

‘I love you,’ you breathed out full of determination, and he…

He snickered!?

‘Yeah, me too. Can you let go of my shirt?’ He tried to shake you off onto the bed. ‘You should sleep it off, little lush.’

You wanted to insist, but he scolded you for your lack of cooperation.

‘Come on, my back is hurting already. You’re such an impossible drunk,’ he joked, but you instantly pulled back.

‘It’s your bed. Aren’t you getting in?’ It made you grit your teeth – how desperate must you be coming off!

‘Of course not, I’ll be on the couch. See you tomorrow!’ He said as he walked out of the room, leaving you slumped on the bed.

Of course not.

This entire situation, the way he reacted… What if the real problem was not your poor seduction skills, but the fact that he just didn’t feel the same way? You did not take that into account.

You regretted everything. Your stupid behaviour, your pathetic attempts to flirt with him and get him to see you as girlfriend material. There was a reason why he kept treating you like an older brother would – your feelings were one-sided. What made you feel even worse was knowing that Baekhyun actually had dating experience, as opposed to you – pining over him for years like a silly schoolgirl. You’d found out that he’d been in a relationship with a girl who was his senior in university, which he only told you about after it ended. When you confronted him about keeping that from you for months, he explained that he ‘didn't want it to be awkward’. Maybe you just weren’t his type. Or maybe he only adored you as his ‘little sister’. And perhaps that was worse than rejection.

Your pride, as well as your heart, was smashed. You wanted to disappear to the farthest ends of the world. The very next morning, when you teleported out of his room upon awakening (anything to avoid the awkwardness of that breakfast conversation), you decided that something needed to change. No more than a week later, you brought the documents needed to study abroad for a double degree.

You told Baekhyun you wanted a challenge, and an international degree would also give you more opportunities later on. But in all honesty… It was your unrequited feelings for him you were foolishly running from.

He supported your decision, hoping that you’d still be in touch just like when he moved away. But you were always so tired from excessive studying that you couldn’t even use your ability to teleport properly, certainly not to such impressive distances. After one particular incident where you wound up in the middle of nowhere after trying to visit him on the weekend, and barely managed to make it back home safely, Baekhyun forbade you from trying again. At least not until you had enough energy to use your power for longer teleports without scaring him out of his mind. He missed spending time with you, he kept telling you over text complete with multiple emojis, but tried to distract himself by hanging out with his other friends more and focusing on his studies and career.

You were doing pretty much the same thing. Except your goal was to finally move on and fill the empty space in your heart with someone other than the person you wanted most. He was unattainable, so your fixation on him had to end.

For a long while you thought that you’d succeeded; a few months into your studies abroad, you started a relationship. It was the first time in a while that you were happy, and thoughts of your best friend became less frequent and bothersome. Your first real date, your first real everything – your life seemed much fuller than before, and you truly believed that your attraction to Baekhyun had finally died down. Out of sight, out of mind, or so they say.

But the happiness didn’t last, and the glass castle you’d been building so diligently for months fell apart right in front of you.

Baekhyun rang you up one day just to hear you choking back tears, telling him that your boyfriend had broken up with you. The reason was simple – he found someone else he was interested in. That was only a few weeks prior to your planned return home. Your ass of a boyfriend made it clear that it was ‘fun while it lasted’, but he was not about to get into any ‘long distance messes’.

This was your first relationship, and your best friend couldn’t allow you to go through major heartbreak all on your own. So, he came to see you the following week, and your wallowing ass was never out of his sight. Baekhyun made sure to provide all the distraction you needed, bringing you home safely afterwards.

Soon enough, you got your act together and decided to pursue a Master’s degree at your old university. It was a great school, especially great because the campus was located not too far from the small fashion design firm Baekhyun now ran with one of his close friends, Chanyeol.

Naturally, you were being constantly pressured by your bestie to forego the dorm life and just move into the spare room he had vacant ever since his previous roommate had moved out. You knew he owned the apartment, but he was still paying off the mortgage. Yet he insisted that the rent his former roommate used to pay was ‘symbolic’, and he wasn’t going to take your money anyways. You tried an ultimatum – that you weren’t going to move in unless you paid at least some rent. But Baekhyun, being the cunning little shit that he was, begged you to help out with marketing for his company instead – much like an intern, or a junior employee. He said the department was small and could benefit from a fresh pair of eyes and your international expertise. So you agreed, not yet realizing he was doing you, a graduate student with no solid previous experience, a double favor.

He wasn’t even consistent in his efforts to fool you – a few months later, you were not only officially hired, you even had your own little secluded corner at work. And, of course, you had exclusive rights to the huge whiteboard in Baekhyun’s office. The ‘Big Boss’ – Chanyeol called him that every time he went into his overly serious mode during meetings – did not allow anyone to scribble on it. He had his own creative chaos on the board, which was not to be disrupted by any living thing.

The first time his assistant saw you walk into Baekhyun’s office without a care and erase his doodles to draw a big draft of an internet ad you had in mind to get your boss’s opinion on, she almost had a heart attack. She then proceeded to have it when Baekhyun suddenly walked into the room to witness what you were doing to his precious whiteboard. Before the assistant could come up with an excuse to keep her from facing the director’s wrath, he chuckled and ruffled your hair affectionately. He told you to add some color and went to his table calmly. The triple heart attack nearly rendered the assistant dead.

The company he owned wasn’t huge yet, but it was growing rapidly. Granted, there were a lot of young people occupying various positions, starting at the top with Baekhyun and Chanyeol. This fact, however, made it extremely hard for you to even walk out of your best friend’s office without causing a new wave of rumors about your relationship. They didn’t even know that you actually lived together… You were no celebrity, but you had your fair share of ‘anti-fans’ by now. All thanks to Baekhyun and his gorgeous looks, which made the entire office swoon and fantasize about the ‘sexiest human being on planet Earth’. Or so you’d heard.

You, however, knew him as the biggest dork in the world. And you would choose it over any macho man sexiness people were somehow attributing to him. Your suspicion was that his wallet had something to do with this distorted perception. At some point you had grown so sick from all of the unwanted attention to your persona, especially from Baekhyun’s adoring assistant, that you decided to use your power to slip in and out of his office unnoticed. You were used to teleporting somewhere right from your desk, since you sometimes stayed late. Those nights, you were basically chased away by Baekhyun, who seemed quite displeased with you being practically the last one to leave the office while the rest of the marketing team was long gone.

‘Don’t you think it’s kinda late for you to still be at work?’

‘Well, you’re also here, aren’t you?’

‘Yeah, but that’s me,’ he shrugged. ‘Go home. Don’t make me shut your computer down.’

‘I just need to finish one-’

‘Finish it tomorrow. Your boss is kicking you out,’ Baekhyun quipped and you sighed in annoyance. You knew that he wasn’t kidding about shutting your work computer down, so you made sure that you were indeed alone, and teleported back home.

‘Traveling’ around the office, however, was slightly different. It required even more precautions. Thankfully, Baekhyun had a small walk-in wardrobe area, which you used often to check whether there was someone in the room before getting to the huge whiteboard you loved to utilize. It had worked pretty well for you for weeks and months, until that one time… it suddenly did not.

The night you decided it was late enough for most people to be out of the office anyways and teleported to your usual spot, was the night everything changed.

It was dark outside, and you weren’t sure why Baekhyun’s assistant hadn’t left yet (you saw her coat on the hanger just minutes earlier). So you decided to sneak in the way you always did, and blinked, shutting your eyes for a long second. Opening them, you faced the wall of Baekhyun’s wardrobe and listened to hear if someone was there. You were always quiet after you teleported, and you became extra cautious when you heard something. You couldn’t make anything out at first, but then realized it was a sigh. Or… a moan?

Unsure, you stayed frozen, turning all ears.

‘Fuck.’ A soft curse grazed your ears and you perked up.

It was Baekhyun’s voice. You were one hundred percent sure that it was him. You’d known that voice back when it was screechy and boyish, right before it broke and became velvety and warm, like honey left out in the morning sun.

‘Shit, baby,’ you heard him breathe out, accompanied by an obscene wet sound and a chair creaking. ‘Yes, just like that.’

It was like lightning struck you on the spot.

Realizing what you were hearing, you closed your eyes, teleporting faster than you could blink. In that odd moment you were stunned and panicked and not in control. It was a while since you’d teleported unsafely like that. The act required some concentration, which you were unable to exercise then. Hence you ended up losing your balance and crashing into your office desk, somehow obtaining a long painful cut on your thigh from the corner of the table in the midst of it. You almost cried out, but held it in, to avoid making any more noise than you had already made. Staring at the wall blindly for a few moments, you felt tears forming in your eyes. Why was this upsetting you? So what if he was having sex with his assistant in his office? It wasn’t like you caught your boyfriend cheating on you. You had no right to feel like this about him. Hadn’t you moved on a while ago?

As a thick drop of blood began to trickle down your thigh, you snapped out of it and teleported home. You had to prevent an ugly scar from replacing the deep scratch in the near future, and there was no way you were going to ask Baekhyun to heal you.

You spent the next hour crying in the bathroom, unsure whether you were so hurt by the wound you’d inflicted upon yourself or by the reignited feelings you thought you had buried deep enough.

You took a few days off.

Unable to look Baekhyun in the eye after the shameful ordeal in his office, you told him you needed to see a family doctor via text and left for the rest of the week. You did see a doctor in your hometown, and stayed with your parents for a bit too. Not only because you didn’t spend time at your parents’ house too often, but also because you could lock yourself up in your room and stare at the ceiling, hearing the now distant voice looping in your head. ‘Shit, baby. Just like that.’

You felt sick to your stomach.

It wasn’t only the shame of catching your best friend in such an act, but also the bitter disappointment you felt at the circumstances. You never thought of Baekhyun as the stereotypical boss who’d have his secretary sprawled over his own desk. He had always been pretty quiet about his relationships, and you thought he was just being a gentleman. Now that your ears had witnessed how ‘classy’ he actually was, it was impossible not to question all of the aspects of his personality that you thought you knew through and through. And the hidden context of the moments you’d shared recently. Like, whenever he was nagging at you for staying late in the office, was he actually mad at you for being an obstacle to his rendezvous with the ubiquitous assistant?

The thought of being an obstacle to Baekhyun did not sit well with you.

‘No, it can’t be,’ you whispered to yourself, shaking your head and picking up the phone to scroll through the previews of at least a couple dozen messages Baekhyun had sent you since your sudden relocation to your family home.

‘How are you?~ I still want to know why you needed to go to the doctor’

‘Tell me, Y/N-aaaah~’

‘It’s not serious, right?! Hehe I hope not’

‘I can heal you anyways, not a big deal. Don’t worry about me, just come back and I’ll make you lit. Ye know? Lite u up’

‘You’re not reading my messages’

Missed call

‘Text me when you’re done. I’m worried’

Missed call

‘Y/N, you still busy?’

‘Pls text when you can’

Missed call

‘I have a meeting, but call me whenever you see this, I’ll leave my phone on’

‘Y/N-ah, are you ok? I’m home, and I really don’t know what to think’

‘When are you coming back? Do you need me to come see you?’

‘I can come, just say the word. Are you really that sick, Y/N-ah? I’m really worried’

‘Text me even if it’s late. I can’t sleep anyways’

You couldn’t finish reading though his monologue, tears clouding your eyesight. Every message played out in your head so vividly. Every little bit of it was Baekhyun. Your best friend, the playful one, the one who always worried about you and took care of you, the one who you desperately wanted to hold onto, and the one you were currently running away from, again. You could almost hear his voice reading the message out loud in your head, when your screen lit up.

‘I’m gonna come see you, Y/N-ah. I can’t find your mom’s phone number, but it’s only a few hours to drive’

You’d let out a shaky breath and almost choked on air as you accidentally clicked on the message, opening the entire chat.

‘Shit,’ you cursed at your own clumsiness, staring at the screen. He could definitely see that you had opened the messages. You almost felt his anxiousness grow as he waited for you to reply.

‘Y/N?’ he prompted.

You chewed on your lip. It was too early, you weren’t ready to talk to him yet.

‘Don’t come. I’m fine’

The text seemed so dry compared to how you usually chat.

Baekhyun fell silent.

And then started video calling you.

Almost jumping up on the bed, you hurriedly pressed decline, heart almost beating out of your chest with nerves.

You were both silent for a few moments before you saw him typing something.

‘I just need to see that you’re fine. I know it’s late’

‘I don’t want to’

You responded, gritting your teeth.

‘A pic then? Or tell me you’re really ok, and I’ll call you in the morning’

He was so in your face with his concern that you snapped.

‘I don’t want to talk to you!’

You threw your phone on the pillow and sobbed, feeling pathetic once more.

‘So stupid,’ you cursed, unsure if it was directed at your friend or yourself.

Your phone vibrated again.

‘Oh, what now?’ you grabbed it frustratedly and read his message.

‘…Why? Did I do something?’

He seemed so clueless that you couldn’t hold it in any longer.

‘I don’t wanna talk to you, Baekhyun. And I don’t want to see your face, so don’t even think about coming here.’

Send

‘You’re just like every other man I know. I don’t want to see you!’

Send

‘Leave me alone!’

Send

You put your phone away, tears streaming down your face, chest heaving with renewed sobs. It was probably the first time for you to fight like that, and you felt devastated. You were on the verge of being hysterical.

Closing your eyes, you tried to focus on your breathing. It was essential for you to calm down before you accidentally threw yourself into some desert or hurt yourself again. You were especially afraid of teleporting right into Baekhyun’s room, since your own heart was aching at the way you told him off. But you were so angry and so incredibly sad, you didn’t know how else to deal with it. Whenever you used to argue when you were kids, it was so easy to make up. Baekhyun had always welcomed you back in. What if you had slammed the door too loudly this time?

Why did you care if he was fucking his assistant or not?

How could you stop the painful squeeze in your chest?

The questions swirling in your head had you crying yourself to sleep that night.

You woke up so shattered that you were wary of showing your face to your parents. After a long refreshing shower… you still didn’t look great, but noted slight improvement. Checking your phone timidly, you realized it had died, so you left it to charge before joining your parents for lunch.

As much as they were happy to see you, they knew something was going on. You looked terrible and you had no appetite for the home cooked meal, but most importantly – you were not glued to your phone to talk to your ‘puppy dog tail’, which is what your mom used to call Baekhyun for following you around when you were little. Everything was off about this unannounced visit, and your mother knew that better than anyone.

‘Did you have a fight?’ she asked, once you were left alone in the kitchen to do the dishes.

‘Huh?’

‘You and Baekhyun. What happened?’

‘Nothing,’ you answered sourly. ‘He just- disappointed me, that’s all.’

‘Is that so?’ your mom asked, the corner of her mouth jumping upwards faintly. ‘I’m sure you can let him off the hook once in your lifetime.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh honey, that boy has been all over your case since forever. I wonder whether you’re trying to keep your relationship a secret from me, or maybe you are that silly.’

‘What are you talking about, mom?’ you whined. ‘You don’t know him that well. Even I don’t know him that well, apparently-’

‘Oh don’t you now?’ your mother interrupted. ‘Just ask him how he feels about you.’

‘Yeah, right,’ you sighed.

‘What’s holding you back, your pride? Or maybe you’re scared, because you know you broke his heart with a harsh word?’ Your mom’s eyes had a fiery spark you didn’t witness often. Only when she tapped into her power of vision.

‘Why did you leave him when he needs you the most?’

‘You- saw something?’ you stuttered.

‘I only saw that hearts can be mended,’ your mom smiled at you and turned around to join dad in the living room. ‘But he is desperate right now.’

‘Desperate? Why, is he in trouble?’ you felt sick again, worry bubbling in your stomach. ‘M-Mom?’

‘I’ve already said too much. Ask him.’

As she said that, you bolted. Up the stairs, to your bedroom. Grabbing the charging phone from the nightstand, you unlocked it and opened your messaging app.

‘Baek…’ you sent, typing the follow up message right away.

The dots appeared immediately, making you pause.

His next three messages made you shiver.

‘I don’t know why you’re so upset with me, but… Something happened’

‘Please come’

‘I’m scared. I need you’

You sprang off the bed, pacing around the room nervously. Should you change from your pajamas? Did you have time for that? What if that was a trick to get you to talk to him? But your mom said his heart was broken, and he was- you couldn’t-

‘Mom, dad, I’m going home!’ you yelled before shutting your eyes and reappearing in Baekhyun’s eerily quiet apartment. All of the curtains were closed, and it was as dark as the night in there.

‘Baek?’ you called, walking almost blindly towards his bedroom. ‘You home?’

‘Y/N,’ his voice sounded so different when he called back. You weren’t sure if he called through a sob, but you were aware of your heart beating fast and heavy in your throat as you approached his room hurriedly. You prayed that he was okay, that he didn’t do anything stupid or hurt himself while you were away.

Storming into the dimly lit room you looked around until your eyes fell on a curled figure on the floor, back leaning on the bed, and you froze.

You knew these pants, and this shirt. Baekhyun wore those a lot at home. The stupid fluffy socks you gifted him for Christmas as a joke? He had always put those on when he was down, he said they cheered him up. But Baekhyun never had such long silky hair. He did not have narrow shoulders and round breasts.

And you were sure as hell that Baekhyun never was a girl.

‘B- Baek?’ you mumbled in shock.

He looked up at you, eyes poignant and glimmering with tears.

‘Oh, Baekhyunie,’ you lamented, walking up to him and dropping on your knees to gather his (her?) fragile frame into a tight hug.

It didn’t matter that you were mad at him before, or that you had your own feelings to worry about. He was your best friend, even when you wanted to beat the hell out of him for being a moron and messing around at work, and he was going through something profound.

‘What happened?’ you asked, stroking his soft locks to calm him down.

He clung to your pajama top, almost sobbing into your neck as he tugged you closer, effectively making you straddle him.

‘I thought you weren’t gonna come,’ he sniffled.

‘I’m here. I’m sorry,’ you unwrapped your arms to wipe the tears off of his beautiful delicate face.

‘I can’t snap back into my male form,’ his voice trembled. ‘I don’t know if I can, ever,’ he added in an almost panicked voice.

Your heart clenched at his vulnerability. He was always there to pick up the pieces for you, and it was time for you to be his rock. Fair is fair.

‘You can. Hey,’ you caught his face in your palms, repeating calmly, ‘You can, and you will. You shifted, right? It means you’re a shifter, Baekhyun. You can always shift back, but maybe not right away.’

He swallowed hard, rubbing his reddened eyes.

‘But- This has never happened before,’ he mumbled. ‘The first time in my entire life-’

‘Maybe it was dormant,’ you suggested, hand stroking his hair gently. ‘What triggered you?’

Baekhyun was silent for a few moments, while you were busy brushing rogue strands away from his eyes.

‘You,’ he then provided, surprising you with his answer.

‘...Because I said I didn’t want to talk to you?’

‘No. You said you didn’t want to see me. That I was just like all the other men,’ he reminded bitterly. ‘I kept thinking about it until I felt dizzy. I don’t remember anything else, I woke up like this.’

‘Oh my god,’ you gasped, guilt overwhelming you. ‘I’m so, so sorry, Baekhyunie!’

You held him tight, whispering jumbled apologies into his ear.

‘At least now I know you’re okay,’ he sniffed again before looking down and noticing your bandaged leg. ‘What happened? You are hurt, that wasn’t an excuse?’

Ignoring your protests, he hauled the bandage down to reveal the still fresh cut. He brushed his fingers over it, knitting his eyebrows in concentration, as warm lights appeared around your wound. He pressed his open palm to your skin, and the light slowly died down. The deep scratch underneath his hand had vanished. But then he looked at you again, waiting for clarification, which had you mumbling something about it being unimportant.

‘No, Y/N. Don’t you think you owe me an explanation? You disappeared on me, you ignored my messages and then told me to fuck off, I wanna know what I did to make you hate me this much!’ He was definitely more snappy as a girl.

His intense eyes pinned you down, and the frowning lips caught your attention. As he raised an eyebrow impatiently, you came back to your senses.

‘Huh? Oh, just forget it. I’m sorry for what I said earlier-’

‘Tell me. Now,’ Baekhyun gritted, grabbing you by the shoulders.

‘I- I- I can’t!’ you squeaked.

‘What? Why?’ a narrowed pair of eyes blinked at you.

‘It’s too embarrassing, I-’

‘I am a girl, Y/N! I gotta know-’

‘I heard you with your assistant!’ You yelled in his face with your eyes closed. And waited, clasping the material of his shirt in your hands anxiously.

‘…what?’ You opened your eyes to his confused face.

‘You- Umm,’ you were unsure how to proceed. ‘I teleported into your office at a late hour, and apparently, you were in there, and I heard you… uh-’

‘Oh fuck.’ He threw his head back in realization.

‘Yeah,’ you pursed your lips, unsure of how to interpret his reaction.

‘Wait, the assistant?’ he suddenly straightened up and frowned. ‘You thought I was fucking my assistant?’

He sounded offended, so you tried a tiny ‘Yeah?’

‘You’re such an idiot!’ he complained, and you got a bit defensive.

‘Frankly, it’s your fault for engaging in that at work! Even if it wasn’t the assistant!’

‘Hell, excuse me for being a man and having to relieve myself in my damn office because the girl I’ve been in love with for years is clueless about how much I fucking want her!’

The way he said it in one swift frustrated breath made you feel like boiling water was poured all over you. Did he mean… you?

But- Why didn’t you know? How could you have missed it? It wasn’t like you didn’t care enough to see the signs, quite the opposite, and you still never noticed him being anything more than warm and friendly with you.

His breathing was ragged from the simmering emotion.

‘You… Want me?’ you whispered hesitantly.

‘Yes,’ he said firmly, but then added in a softer voice. ‘Even then, in my office… I was alone, I was... thinking of you, actually. Your damn shorts make me regret the no dress code rule!’

Shocked at his confession, you could only stare at him blankly.

‘What does it matter. I’m a freaking girl now,’ he scoffed, looking down at himself.

‘I don’t care,’ you stated out of the blue.

Taking his face gently between your palms again, you continued.

‘I don’t care if you’re a girl. Whether you are Baekhyun or… Baekhyunie?’ he snorted slightly at the name. ‘I love you all the same,’ you finished your cheesy disclosure, taking in his astounded eyes. A heartbeat later, you were kissing him. For the very first time.

Slow to react initially, he then wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer, dragging your hips over his and causing you to moan into his mouth. He used this opportunity to slip his tongue in, exploring, bossing you around and getting more and more into it with every passing second. It was a bit sloppy, and the loud sounds of your kissing made the little hairs on your skin stand in excitement, but you couldn’t get enough of his sweet peachy flavor.

The atmosphere in the room changed in a matter of seconds.

‘Shit,’ he cursed after you broke the contact to get some oxygen. ‘Excuse me when I say that I wish I could have my dick back right now.’

‘Oh what, you’re nothing without your dick?’ You asked teasingly, sliding the shirt off of him with one hand, and squeezing his bare breast with another. ‘Perky.’

‘Fuck off,’ he laughed softly, letting you play with it for a little longer, before pushing you on your back to trap you on the floor. ‘Let’s get these off, baby.’

After receiving a slight nod, he removed your pajamas along with your underwear. You kind of expected yourself to be shy, after all, it was the first time he was seeing you fully naked, but you didn’t really mind. Maybe it was his female appearance that put you at ease.

‘It’s nice that you walk around in your pajamas all the time. So easily removed,’ he pecked your mouth before latching onto your nipple and grazing his teeth over it slightly.

‘Ah! Slow down,’ you cried out, twisting his nipple in revenge.

‘Ouch!’ he looked up from your breasts, holding onto his own soft mound.

‘Be gentle,’ you stressed before letting him get back to it.

Realizing how tender the body part was, he proceeded with a much more delicate hand, trailing light kisses over the area and up the side of your neck.

You still felt like your entire body was scorched. It was difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that this was Baekhyun, your best friend, and you were about to have sex with him. While he was a girl, no less. You’d never even let yourself think about being intimate with him, slapping yourself on the wrist mentally any time something stirred inside you. Moreover, it was your first ever experience with someone your own sex. It wasn’t hard to imagine how weird it must have felt for Baekhyun to do this in a female body, with his own reactions foreign to him. Had he ever experienced this tightness and heaviness in his lower stomach? Or maybe the tingle in his nipples, when you used an opportunity to brush your fingertips over them briefly? Or the feeling of soaked panties sticking to the skin?

Thinking of this, you snaked your hand into his loose pants.

‘Ah fuck!’ he jolted from your touch, grabbing onto your wrist. ‘What- what the hell-’

You giggled at his perplexion and decided to make it worse.

‘You’re wet, Baekhyunie.’ You licked your lips, suddenly thirsty. ‘Come here.’ You tugged him closer, as he resisted feebly. ‘Don’t be shy.’ You placed a quick kiss on his cheek and rotated your wrist to shake his hold off.

He swallowed, unsure of what to do, but his grasp on you weakened. Sucking his lower lip in, he avoided your eyes and focused on breathing in and out as you slid your fingers further down, reaching his slick folds again.

He let out a breathy gasp and grabbed onto your shoulder.

‘It’s okay, baby,’ you whispered, pushing against his frame to roll him over on his back.

He obliged, and you used this as your cue to rid him of the remaining clothes. They weren’t a great fit for his female body anyways.

‘Fuck, Baek,’ you sighed in astonishment. ‘You’re so gorgeous.’ That wasn’t a lie. He was probably the prettiest girl you had ever seen in your life. Features even more sculpted, body so milky and feminine, soft locks emphasizing his plump lips and dark almond eyes.

‘I wonder if you weren’t interested in me before because I wasn’t a girl,’ he chuckled, visibly bashful.

‘Hey, you’re turning me gay as we speak,’ you retorted. ‘I might not want the male version of you back.’

‘I hope you’re kidding, it feels weird to have a- a- I can’t even say it!’

‘A pu-’

‘Shut up!’ He hid his suddenly burning face in his palms.

You laughed, leaning forward to hover over him.

‘I don’t remember ever seeing you this flushed. Cute.’ You avoided his arguments by kissing him, trailing your hand down his tense belly in the meantime. ‘Relax, it’s just me. If you don’t like my fingers, I can use my mouth.’

‘No-’ Baekhyun rose up on his elbows and stuttered. ‘I- don’t think I’m ready for that.’

‘Okay.’ You nodded easily.

‘But I think I can…’ He swallowed anxiously. ‘I think I can take your fingers.’

‘Aw.’ You cooed, making him even more red. ‘Cutie.’

He wrapped his arms around you to glue your body to his and stop you from ogling his nakedness. Laughing into his mouth, you resumed fondling his inner thighs.

‘This is so weird,’ he kept repeating, once you’d slipped inside. ‘So freaking weird.’

Only smiling before nibbling on the tender skin of his neck, you still worked your wrist.

You were almost shaking yourself, since his leg was now trapped between yours, and in this position your wetness was getting smeared on his smooth skin.

‘Oh fuck,’ he sighed, voicing your own thoughts.

‘Just like that?’ You whispered smugly, curling your fingers and grunting as he writhed underneath, unintentionally rubbing his thigh against you.

You swayed your hips slightly, stimulating him further with your hands on his body.

‘I- I think- I’m gonna-’

You bit down your lower lip, working him up to his first high in this body. Crying out, he arched his back and shook violently as you let him ride it out, squeezing his breast with your other palm. Slowing your tired hand down, you allowed him to enjoy the aftershocks, until his body went limp. Baekhyun’s arms, still holding onto you, kept you from rolling off onto your side, so you just laid on top of him, legs still intertwined with his.

Listening to his steadying breath with your ear to his slightly damp chest, you chuckled at your thoughts.

‘What?’ he asked, probably still a little self-conscious.

‘I’m just wondering.’ You moved your head up slightly. ‘If we were dating, would that be considered cheating?’

He stilled for a second and then let out a strained laugh.

‘I guess you’ll have to date me to find out.’

‘Guess so.’ You beamed, feeling him tense a little.

‘You mean it?’ he inquired cautiously, urging you to look at him.

‘Oh I mean it. I also mean it when I say that the locks in your office need to be changed. It should only be easy for me to get in at any point.’

‘Still jealous? I told you I was alone.’ He grinned at your now frowning face.

‘Not for lack of volunteers! Pretty sure any unmarried female employee you have would’ve gladly joined you. And now possibly male, too.’

‘Glad that I don’t need them, then. I have you for all of my forms.’

‘All?’ You perked up. ‘You have more? Oh, don’t tell me you also turn into wild animals or some other nonsense!’

‘Hey! I might as well turn into a tiger if you keep harassing my pure feelings for you!’

‘Pure f- I just had my fingers in your p-’

‘Stop! Talking about my lady parts!’ He squirmed, freeing himself from your weight to crawl onto the bed and hide under the covers.

You sprawled on the floor, laughing at him.

‘Lady parts? Gosh, Baek, do you secretly work in a kindergarten?’

‘No, I don’t. I just want my dick back to shut you up,’ he mumbled from under the blanket.

‘Oh? You didn’t want me to go down on you earlier, but you have no reservations about shoving your dick in my mouth? Men are so weird,’ you mused, and Baekhyun kicked his leg into the air feigning annoyance.

‘That’s not what I meant!’

You laughed, getting on the bed next to the fuming pile of cloth.

‘Yah, Baekhyunie,’ you snickered. ‘You are a fabulous woman, but your feet are still quite, well… Large,’ you lifted the blanket further. ‘And hairy? But- Wait a second,’ before you could finish, he shook the covers off.

‘Am I back?’

You nodded, the usual Baekhyun with ruffled bed hair in your view. ‘I’m back!’ he yelled, and then quickly lifted the blanket where it was covering his modesty. ‘And you’re back! Oh my god, we’re back!’

You giggled as he tackled you on the bed, his male body and strength returning at once, and peppered ecstatic kisses all over your face.

‘Fucking finally,’ he swore in a much deeper voice. Not giving it any thought, you opened your legs for him to rest between.

‘But wait,’ you protested playfully. ‘Does the cheating begin now?’

‘Oh you.’ He moved your hair out of your face. ‘Pretty sure ‘Baekhyunie’ could do better in bed. Didn’t she just leave you all wet and needy?’

You whined at his touch on your tender skin, and he pressed his hips forward, his growing hard-on grinding into your soaked pussy. The tip nudged your clit roughly, putting pressure onto the sensitive spot and almost making your eyes roll.

‘I think it’s between me and my girl,’ you gritted your teeth at the pleasure.

‘I think not.’ He somehow sounded jealous, although he knew he only had himself to compete with.

He pulled back slightly, making you whimper at the loss of friction, slick dripping from your entrance just to be caught by his fingers and spread over your already glistening folds.

‘Baek,’ you moaned, grip on his forearm tightening.

He kept teasing your slit with his fingers, enjoying the way your hips bucked into his palm every time his digits slipped inside. You sobbed as he stretched you – not the way you wanted though.

‘Please just- fuck me already,’ you moaned, arching your back when he reached your sweet spot. Would have felt so much better had he done it with something other than his fingers.

‘I can make you come like this. It feels pretty good, now that I’ve tried,’ he chuckled and you slapped his shoulder as he sat up.

‘Stop playing with me!’

‘And what do I get if I stop?’ He teased, rubbing you leisurely with his thumb and stroking himself with a spare hand.

‘You can fuck me raw.’

His fingers froze.

‘No condom?’

‘No nothing. I’m on the pill. And I trust you.’

Baekhyun swore under his breath, licking his lips hungrily. Your words had wound him up to no end, but the man’s mind was wondering. ‘Since when?’

‘My ex. Just continued taking them when I moved in with you.’

‘That asshole boyfriend of yours,’ Baekhyun spat, making the feeble lights flicker, as you cleared your throat.

Then he caught on to what you’d said.

‘So, had I hit on you one evening-’

‘Most likely would’ve let you. The amount of times I had to hand wash my panties feeling ashamed and horny after our movie nights…’

‘Oh now you just want me to feel stupid.’ He frowned, the dim light in the room dying.

‘No. I want you to feel good. Inside me,’ you responded into the darkness, feeling the pads of his gentle fingers travel across your inner thigh.

He kept stroking you silently for a few seconds.

‘Tell me how you want it.’ His voice was a bit hoarse, and you shivered in anticipation.

‘I wanna see you,’ you whispered, and then tiny little orbs began appearing all around you, until it looked like the starry night sky above the bed.

You only let out a shaky breath as he slid into you. Rolling his hips steadily, in and out, he grunted from how tight you were around his length, and how welcoming.

Right after spending some time in a female form, Baekhyun suddenly felt so hunky. He saw you as tiny and fragile now more than ever, wanting to be extra protective and most gentle with you. His thrusts were slow and somewhat lazy, but his ears and eyes didn’t miss a single gasp or a knit of your brows.

You, on the other hand, were almost floating. Not just from the long awaited pressure against your inner walls, but from the affection in every touch, and the way your lover’s skin pressed into yours, and the sheen of sweat on his chest, and the glint of minuscule stars in his eyes…

‘Baekhyun,’ you called, motioning him to lean closer and wrapping your arms around his neck. ‘I really love you.’

He huffed out a laugh and grazed the tip of your nose with a bunny kiss.

‘Don’t say that when I’m inside you,’ he murmured, yet unable to contain his blissful smile.

‘I’m sorry for earlier,’ you began, but he wasn’t having any of it.

‘I don’t care. You’re finally mine.’ He drove his hips inside you with precision. ‘I don’t care.’

You used his proximity to start a kiss, losing the driver’s seat to him pretty quickly and not spending a second regretting it. It was obvious that you could give yourself to him fully and he’d know what to do. Trembling in his embrace, you clenched around him and urged him to go faster. Not making you ask twice, he picked up the pace and gradually worked up to intense thrusts, the swollen tip hitting your spot every time.

‘Fuck, you feel so good,’ he rumbled, reveling in the responsive motions of your body. You only hummed, grinding your pelvis against him.

A small droplet of perspiration made its way from the shorter hair at his temple, and you raised your hand to catch it, then slipping your fingers into his hair. You were both so close; his hot sweaty body on top of yours made you crave release even more.

‘Ah please, don’t stop,’ you wailed, meeting his passionate hips with yours, inner muscles clenching around the hardness inside you. He felt perfect, like he fit you in every way possible.

‘Shit, baby,’ he called. ‘I’m close too, don’t-’

‘I want to,’ you interrupted him, pushing him into yourself with the heel of your foot. ‘You can come inside me.’

‘Fuck,’ he almost growled, gripping your thigh desperately as he reached deeper and deeper. The sounds produced by your exhausted bodies were so crude and lascivious that it didn’t take long for the growing tension in your lower belly to burst and overwhelm your entire body.

‘Oh, oh fuck-’ repeating your lover’s curses, you held onto his shoulders while your orgasm shook you underneath him.

Keeping his thrusts quick and shallow, Baekhyun groaned as he felt himself tipped over by your release, face contorted in pleasure as he finally filled you with his warmth.

The lights around you shone the brightest, resembling magic dust sprinkled around your tangled bodies. They shimmered on Baekhyun’s skin, making him look like an angel. So much so that you had to touch his face with your palm to make sure he was real. And all of this was not a dream.

‘Is it too much if I call you my Light?’ You began sentimentally.

‘Is it too much if I ask you to come in my office whenever I want?’

‘You’ve been doing that all along,’ you tittered, watching him pull the covers over your bodies and lying down comfortably next to you.

‘Come in my office, not come into my office,’ he clarified with a smug expression.

‘Baekhyun!’ You exclaimed, only slightly appalled, and he pulled you into his arms before you could smack him out of embarrassment.

‘I know, I know. I can’t wait for it either,’ he hummed, his childishly happy laugh almost deafening while you merely cursed at him.

What could you do, you loved this dork and his silly sense of humor. And his awesome powers. And his soft heart. What a package, this Byun Baekhyun. What a perfect package.

A/N: So... here goes the first one. Let me know what you think about this :) I’ve mentioned earlier that a sequel for this is very possible, so let me know if you’d be interested in that. Thank you for reading!

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theshadowmalec · 3 years

Text

So i’ve read The Land I Lost recently again and I never had the courage to do a review because it’s so good i’m scared that my words is not enough to describe how amazing magnus and alec are, and i’m not a writer... sooo..

(This is not a review probably more like a rant)

I want to start this by saying how much i love Alec Lightwood. How he inspires people, shadowhunters and downworlders alike. But that’s not all. Alec doesn’t just inspire people from his generation or anyone who knows him, he inspires people like me too.

Ever since The Mortal Instruments, Alec is already someone that caught my eye. He seems like an interesting character, the way he protects his siblings, as well as his “sour” personality. I am grateful to be one of the people who saw him develop from a shy boy to someone who’s confident enough to defend not just his siblings, but other people - as well as himself.

In the land i lost, it started with Alec and his life with Magnus and Max. My heart is so full of love and happiness reading about the three of them. How their relationship came this far. How their love for each other extended for one more person, for their kid. How Alec was so insecure before, thinking he would never get to be himself, love someone and have someone love him back. But look where he is. He deserves it.

I said it once that Alec ruined men for me. How he loved Magnus with everything he has and so much more. How, in the long life of Magnus, he never met someone who could love him as much as Alec does - to the point where his goal is to change the world for him. For Magnus. For the world to be a better place. To be kind to Magnus and everyone like him.

I love the details about how he wanted to learn a lot of language but his first PRIORITY is Indonesian because he wants to learn it for Magnus.

I love that we get to see the TMI gang again. How much they loved little blueberry. How Jace once put him inside a bag to sneak him out or how Isabelle and Lily seems to spoil the hell out of him.

The first few pages started out as comedic especially with the scenes with the vampires at dumort. I love Elliot. At the same time, my heart breaks immediately at the mention of Raphael. I know how much he meant to Lily, and how much Lily meant to him too. And how Alec noticed all of that and wanted to be someone there for Lily too. He’s always protected his siblings, everyone who needed protection. This is one of the things i love about him.

I clapped my hands so hard when Alec went to the Buenos Aires Institute and was told how women were said to be not suited to run one and he responded with having Jia and Clary as leaders and that anyone who says women are weak is afraid that they’re too strong. 👏🏼👏🏼 As well as that scene where he told them off about checking how they talk about Lily, or Magnus. This attitude makes me love him more. It makes Alec such a great character because HE IS.

He is one of the heroes in the dark war. He is the son of the inquisitor. He is Jace’s parabatai, and as stated in the book, he was protected in a way many others were not. That meant he had to use whatever he had, for those who do not have protection. I screamed. He is amazing. And Magnus’ putting a spell and magic for protection was heartwarming. This feels like a fanfic coming to life. My heart is so full, i love them so much i feel like i’m going to burst.

Alec often mentions how Magnus seems to humble himself with how he help other people. That, he doesn’t know the magnitude of the help he did and that he deserved the praise. The whole time he was saying that, i was like???? Alec is the same. He often brush off those achievements and calls it a day — calls it his responsibility, as is many shadowhunters are like him. This made me appreciate the scene with Juliette, with how Alec rescued her and now she’s here a Queen of the Market. I love how she was so hostile when she introduced her faerie child, as if she’s protecting and and defending her to those who will deem her not worthy of being a werewolf mother to a faerie child, then alec was just like “oh well i have a son who’s not like me too, here’s max” and it’s so pure and just SO alec.

I also love how they teased Alec about his looks. How he still feels like he’s not someone to appreciate.

Random mentions of Will still hits me. How Alec’s blue eyes are like will, but he wasn’t Will, any more than Jace was. No one of them could ever be Will.

What stands up to me most is Lily’s story. It breaks me. It made me cry. How she met Cordelia and most importantly, how she met Raphael. How Raphael is someone she never expected to love. How even in his death, she values and respects him enough to take care of everything he had when he was alive.

I also am happy with the way they introduced Rafael. How Alec felt connected to him. How he felt for him. How he wished kids like Rafael didn’t have to suffer the same fate. How the Law should be so much better for the children. I lost it when he mentioned wanting and loving teaching a child simple things, how he planned on doing that to his little brother when he gets older, but he had not grown up and never will be.

If there’s someone who understands Alec when it comes to his relationship with an immortal. It would be Jem, and i’m so happy with the conversation they get to have. How their love for Tessa and Magnus should be enough, and how they should trust them enough to live and laugh after they are gone.

I also love bits of pieces where his relationship with Clary progressed. How i remember that hatred he got when i first read city of bones and now here they are — getting tacos together. How he had come to love her, after resenting her so much at first.

How talking about Will, Jem’s parabatai, reminds him of Jace. How Alec had loved and felt responsible for his family. There had never been any choice, but with Jace it was different. Jace, his parabatai, the first person who’d ever chosen him. The first time Alec had decided to choose someone back, to take on another responsibility. The first choice, opening the door to all the others.

Alec Lightwood, leader of the alliance. I will never get tired of saying how proud i am of him. Those moments with Robert are so heartbreaking, considering i’ve read Lord of Shadows and knew what happened. I hated how Robert treated Alec. But Alec is kind, and everything good, he forgave his dad and Robert is trying, who are we to judge that? He doesn’t understand most things — but he TRIES. He loves his children that much. And it’s amazing how Alec stood up for Magnus. How he get shy but never ashamed, he spent his childhood resenting what he wanted, why should be do that now? He never have to be ashamed anymore. Not when it’s Magnus. Not when he’s worth everything he’s fighting for.

I love Robert bringing up him being the next inquisitor, how, when Alec heard, immediately thought of changing the laws for everyone. For Magnus, always for Magnus. Now for his kids too.

“You’re a good man, Alec,” he said at last. “You’re a better man than I am.”

Alec loved his father and would never be cruel to him. So he didn’t say: I had to be. Instead he reached out and pulled his father into an awkward hug, patting him on the shoulder before he stepped back.

Raphael being part of the Lightwood-Bane makes me happy. I was not kidding when i said i have no words and i feel like i don’t deserve to write something about them because it’s too good that it’s not gonna be enough. But here’s what i wanna say. I love the love Magnus and Alec have. Is it possible to love two person inlove so much? Because i do. After what they’ve been through, they deserved that. Alec deserved that. Magnus deserved that.

I will forever love Alec. I will forever remember how he loved one man so much he changed the world for him.

#land i lost #gotsm #cassandra clare #cassieclare #magnus bane #malec #alec lightwood #max lightwood bane #rafael lightwood bane

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shimmershae · 3 years

Text

So. Thanks to my new anonymous friend, this is going to become a thing.

Shae’s thinky thoughts about the latest episode--Acheron: Part 2--beneath a cut.

Because spoilers, however vague they might be.

Let’s be real here. This is more a stream of consciousness than anything else so if that’s not your thing, you are most welcome to nope right on out of this post. Trust me. I’ll completely understand, lol. Sometimes? I wish I could nope right on out of my own brain and the way it operates.

That said? Without further ado--

Episode 2′s opening, though. Maggie trapped with hungry Walkers converging? It totally gives me Glenn under the dumpster vibes. I don’t know if that was intentional or just happy coincidence but way to link Maggie to her dearly departed better half, show.

Is it just me or has Father G had more OOMPH to him these last few seasons? Again, I have to ask--Rosita’s influence or no? Regardless, I bet Seth Gilliam is loving the job these days.

Side note: am I gonna have to go to bed early every Saturday night from now until the end just so I that I might be able to SEE? Something? Anything? My curtains are flimsy-ass. I admit it. But this is more frustrating than TXF. Angela, WTF?

No, seriously. It’s like complete guess work who’s in these subway scenes. Some of that has to do with them being overly populated by redshirts and the rest of it has to do with me having to squint and turn sideways to make out their facial features.

Look at Daryl busting through concrete walls! Should I call him the Kool-Aid Man considering NR has once again allowed himself to be led right into a biased, shipper trap? Hmm. I might.

Imagine seeking refuge in those dark, filthy subways. Any second now I expect to hear the skittering of rats. Will Dog lose his effing mind a la Divergence? He’s been shown to go off half-cocked that way, lol. Oh well. Guess it’ll be in character if he does.

Impressive graffiti storyboards. Does it mean something that it immediately cuts to the Commonwealth storm troopers afterward? Maybe. Who really knows at this point? They been trying to gaslight us forever.

LOL at Princess yet again. Yumiko is just like da fuq is this person?

No, really. LMAO. “That was her. From last night. Did you see how she was looking at us?”

Then you have Eugene, hahaha. “Oh God. Why did he tell off the big guy?” Like the man is totally me in this type of situation. Not even gonna lie.

“That’s right. We want to talk to the manager.”

I literally cannot wait ‘til Carol and Daryl meet Princess. Can. Not. Wait.

How sad is that note on that $100 bill? Small moment but it totally gives me Season 4 vibes when they were on their way to Terminus seeking sanctuary.

Hmm. Remember how that place wasn’t what they thought it was? I’m sure neither is the Commonwealth. But I feel like what’s left of Team Family is totally going to do Rick proud, lol, and prove they’re messing with the wrong people if they try something.

Daryl, Man. You gonna have to get a better handle on your headstrong Fur Son. I wonder if Dog would listen better to his mama? Things to ponder.

Sounds like Miko has this group’s number. Or does she?

Princess and Eugene totally look like they’re waiting their turn for the Principal’s office, LOL.

“Stop moving! You’re taking my nerves over the edge to a proverbial 11 on a scale of 10.” I feel you, Eugene. I do. Also you, Princess. Two of the most relatable TWD characters right there, I’m telling you.

Princess is me when I really, really, really have to pee. TMI? Sorry, lovelies. LOL. I just...she’s so relatable.

LMAO. “If that fine ass dude in the orange suit...” Princess and Mercer incoming in 3-2-----

Princess’s excitement over the toilet paper=PRICELESS.

Eugene, Man. You desperately need to develop a poker face.

There’s Daryl getting another cool camera shot. Angela? You playing favorites again?

Carol’s claustrophobia could have never. I bet that’s in the back of Pookie’s mind. You can’t tell me it’s not because Carol lives in there rent-free.

Ohhh. Back to the subway car. Looks like we got the Maggie redshirts leading the way. First sacrificial “lambs”?

Maggie pistol-whipping Negan was kinda deserved, but he wasn’t all wrong so.

Damn. I’m no Gage fan. He can fuck all the way off for what he did to my baby Lydia. But Maggie over there with ice in her veins.

Yep. I think the dude just got one of the most gruesome deaths in a while. Yuck.

I think Alden’s faith in Maggie definitely took several hits. I feel like he kind of had her on some sort of pedestal dating back to Hilltop times. Father G, though? The man is continuing to show himself a SAVAGE MFer.

Josh gives Eugene such believable tics and mannerisms. He IS Eugene.

Thank you, Maggie, for lighting that flare. I could not see a damn thing.

What are these bad memories Negan alludes to? Hmm? Him being a shit husband to Lucille back when he was still taking her for granted?

Father G on Gage’s Walker--”All that is, is a shell of a man, who died a coward.” Kind of ironic considering Father G’s own origins, huh? Has he any warmth in there for anybody but Rosita and Coco? Does he equate it with weakness?

“There are worse ways.” And Maggie proceeds to paint us a horror story with mere words.

Dark Maggie really surpasses anything certain fans have ever accused Carol of being. Is she too far gone? Who the hell knows? I think it’s clear that she and Carol are both on a sliding scale of sorts when it comes to being able to compartmentalize shit to survive. Personally? I feel like Maggie might have leap-frogged Carol in this episode but it matters none because of the double standards so deeply entrenched in this fandom. Both women have endured and had to do some horrific things. It’s not a contest. But it’s probably going to be turned into a season-long one.

It’s almost like Kang was like, “Ya’ll bitches think Carol’s dark? I’ll show you DARK. Check and mate.”

Whatever the reasoning, Maggie just got exponentially more interesting to me if not likable. And before anybody out there comes at me, it’s entirely possible to be on a character’s side in some things and not be all up their ass in love with them, lol. Like I’m attached to her because she’s family and Glenn loved her. There’s a loyalty there and she absolutely is justified in her hatred of Negan. But I’m not going to pretend her shit don’t stink like everybody else’s.

Speaking of my baby Glenn. What would he think of this version of Maggie? I think he would be gutted and heart stricken that events led to her being like this but he’d understand because he’s pure like that. Don’t mean he’d be A-OK with it all.

Dog must be protected at all costs.

Confession. I know not the fuck who Pony Boy is, but I know him because all my fandom friends have pointed him out to me, lol. RIP, Man. I think you’re number’s up or close to it.

Okay, though. I admit it. I am kinda LOVING Badass Father G.

That scene in the subway car with all of them working to take all the Walkers out was already badass. Then Daryl arrived and made it, in @freefromthecocoon’s words, HAWT. LOL.

Eugene staring at that little black book like it contains torture tools, hehehe.

“Processed? As in administratively? Processed as in bologna or other meat stuffs? This inquiring (enquiring?) mind needs to know.” OMG, Eugene. I admit it. Even if it makes me look like a lunatic, LOL. I straight up LMAO at that one. I mean, ten years later and Terminus still fresh on the man’s mind.

“You like feeling nervous?” Well, no. None of us that do, Mercer? Do.

Then he proceeds to make me howl with his “You can’t lie for shit” to Eugene.

Josh McDermitt? I love you, Man. 40 year old virgin, LOL.

All this talk over the seasons of Daryl’s virginity and we have Eugene, hahaha. But was he telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Finally. Some daylight. Where I can see.

Eugene’s relief at seeing his friends safe and sound was such a beautiful thing to see. I loved those hugs.

Mercer’s face when he snarled “beat cop” in disdain to Ezekiel. I think I’m gonna love this dude.

“I went to West Point. Asshole.” Yeah. I am.

I know they probably catfishing Eugene right here because spoilers tell us that ain’t Stephanie. But my heart still did a little d’aww. Angela. Don’t play with his poor heart like that.

What’s got Daryl so pensive, huh? Is it that the note reminds him of kids being lost or taken from their family? Or separated from their family? Is he thinking of those Grimes babies and wondering if Michonne will ever make it back and why and how she was able to leave them behind? Tell me it ain’t that Find Me nonsense.

“This place sure has gone to shit since the last time I was here.” LMAO, JDM. I mean Negan. Sorry. Sorry. I still hate Negan, but JDM has me entertained at least since they gave the asshole some shades of gray. And speaking of shades of gray. I’m loving the gray beard. JDM’s looking GOOD (hear that NR? Embrace the gray). Negan can still kick rocks, lol.

Anyway. That scene was CREEPY AF. Not even gonna lie.

The Reapers strutting right on up to our group like it’s The Purge: ZA.

My bad, Pony Boy. Now RIP.

Dark, dark episode with loads of tension broken up by some welcome humor by Princess. The girl is fast becoming a fave of mine.

My baby’s back next week!!!

I’m just going to plug my ears and pretend they’re trying to capture/recapture the horses because they’re pets. Not because they’re starving so bad they feel the need to eat them. La la la la la. I can’t hear you.

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

Text

Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though.

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally.

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television.

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend.

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him.

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds.

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it.

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT.

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin.

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father.

5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice).

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams.

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief.

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again.

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least.

6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious.

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to.

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer.

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl.

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?!

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind.

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving.

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes.

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime.

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah.

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying.

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person.

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin.

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain�� is human and 3 dimensional.

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn.

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us.

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him.

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :(

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying.

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it.

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero.

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug!

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before?

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded.

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you.

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal.

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy.

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :(

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken.

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad.

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting.

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm.

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice.

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man.

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested.

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply.

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing.

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious.

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused.

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes.

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him.

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself.

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us.

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute.

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation.

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her.

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing.

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from.

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

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brooklynislandgirl · 2 years

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TMI to Andy: I know I shouldn't have said what I did, and I don't even know why I did because you are my dad. What are the chances you'll forgive me in the next century? I really am sorry and no it's not so I get to come home sooner. I just need you to know I am sorry.

TMI Tuesday || Always Accepting

The hair hasn't changed in years. The jacket is the same one, the medallion around his neck has been with him since he first joined the Air Force. Sure, there's grey in his beard now, a new feature, and maybe some of the lines in his face are deeper. But Riley has never felt so old in all his life until this very moment. Hands flex on his knees, one side felt and the other nebulous, the idea of touch rather than actual pressure. Seconds become eternities of silence. For all that he had a kingdom of words available to him, had never lacked for verbosity a day in his life, it's hard to put the things in his head and his heart into something so small as speech. Not for a second does he doubt that Noah is feeling guilt layered between sorrow and grief. That he doesn't feel himself at a loss and of course he does, he's just a kid. How many times when he was Noah's age did he lash out at his own father for some true or perceived slight or abuse on Beth's behalf? How many times had he stayed up at the church for too long hoping against hope that his father would be called back to his ship and leave them alone? Told him to his face that it was his most fervent desire? How many times had they come to blows over everything until he finally helped his sister escape that house and move far away?

But the situation isn't remotely the same. He's never lifted a hand to his kids beyond the occasional swat over a childhood transgression and even then he preferred to talk the boy to death. Riley's learned all the mistakes you could make by having grown up with them; both in being on the receiving end, and the ones he made raising his sister. Just like he learned about mistakes in marriage from watching his father with women, and then being married to the Devil. Ultimately, he didn't know where he went wrong, what he did to make Noah ever say those words aloud. It is a sigh that could hold battle ships riding waves stock still with its heaviness. One that leaves him feeling no lighter afterwards. A hand rises to brush the backs of long fingers against the edge of his jaw. "Look, honestly Noah...I appreciate that you feel this way, and you've decided to tell me. Takes a lot for a man to admit that kind of thing. But I don't want you to be sorry. I don't want you to hurt. I don't want you fucking up. I don't want anything but for you to be you. And it ain't a matter of forgiveness. I'm not carrying a grudge. Did that hurt? Of course it did. I've loved you since we met and I've always tried to do my best by you. And this?" He waves that hand in a circle now between them. "Whatever this is, whatever is going on. I think it's you trying to reach out for something. You are looking for your own means. That's what I want to fix. To find a way for all of us to be on the same page so I can help you. Being with your sis... your Aunt... and your Uncle... it's a shift of perspective. A breather so maybe you can figure some stuff out on your own without me and your mom pressuring you or making you feel like you are. As to when you can come home, I think that's a family decision, one we should all have a say in." Riley stands then. To his full and unadulterated height. A looming tower that he's always been. But rather than going toe to toe with the boy like his own father would have done, his arms come out, still fast and still strong despite the years. He pulls Noah into a hug. "And no matter what you say or how you say it, I still love you and always will. You're my son."

#Thanks!Kit <333 #My Boy|Noah Taylor-Riley #Looking Through The Glass|Noah and Riley #ODB {Main Verse}#A Little South of Heaven #Copperhead Road|Tennessee #Magnolias in Moonlight|New Orleans #childhood abuse tw

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beclynn-herondale · 3 years

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In Another Universe: Chapter 4

(TSC and TMI as well as the characters belong to Cassandra Clare, some of the parts are also kinda similar to the original.)

Joan wasn't sure where she was, it was dark and she heard voices, her head was aching, the last thing she remembered was something attacking their apartment and pain that brought darkness.

Now she woke up in a bedroom she did not recognize, all she could think about at this moment was where her mother and Clar were, were they safe?

She heard the door open, and a tall man with pale blonde hair and black eyes walked in

"Hello, Jonathena," he said. "It's been so very long, my daughter."

She was shocked

"What do you mean?"

——————

Falling, falling and falling was all Clar could describe going through the portal like, yes he may have screamed, and then they hit the ground, Jayce landed on top of him, they both got tangled up in each other and elbowed each other

"Ow," Jayce said. "You elbowed me."

"You're the one who landed on top of me," Clar said.

Jayce pushed herself up and for a moment they looked into each other's eyes, Clar had never noticed how odd yet beautiful they actually were, they were gold but with a darker ring of gold around them and, so odd, they would have been more beautiful if Jayce weren't staring at him with an unreadable expression.

She jumped up and helped him up, Clar looked around to see where it was his mom wanted to go and realized it was Luke's bookshop

"I know this place," he said. "it's Luke's bookshop."

"The same Luke who decided to abandoned you?," Jayce said

"Yeah."

"But why did it take us here?"

"You must have been thinking of it when we went through the portal."

"I wasn't, this must of been where mom would have fled," Clar said.

"You gonna knock on the door?"

"But Luke said to stay away."

"Well if I were you I'd be mad at him and wondering why he just decided to leave you when your mom and sister disappeared."

"But he said not to come."

"Do you have a key?" She asked

"No but, Luke usually leaves the back unlocked, are we really breaking in?" Clar asked

"Yup!" She said

They headed around back, and heard something Jayce told him to stay back, she jumped over the fence like it was nothing, she really was like a cat sometimes, why was he always comparing her to a cat, god Clar what is wrong with you?

"Ow!" Called a familiar voice

Clar opened the gate and went through to see, Jayce on attacked Simone, Simone, his best friend, he'd forgotten about her for a few and felt the guilt

"Jayce, get off her, she's my friend," Clar said.

Jayce got off her and Simone got up

"where have you been!?" She yelled. "I've been worried sick, you ran out of the coffee shop and then when I went by your apartment there were police there, and I called Luke to ask where you were and he said you went to visit family, but you don't have any family, and so I came here to see what Luke was doing and he wasn't here so I decided to wait for him to come back." She let out a breath of air

She talked so fast there but Clar could understand what all she said

"Listen, Simone it's a long story and—," he stopped and looked over at Jayce, who appeared to be filing her nails with her stele thingy with no care in the world.

"I am gonna tell her," Clar told Jayce

"Oh, I know," she said

She didn't seem to care, but Jayce didn't seem to care about much, he wondered how she did it

So Clar explained everything, Simone sat in silence for a couple minutes, understandable Clar thought, and Simone told them about how Luke was packing weapons earlier

"So she is a Shadowhunter," Simone said and pointed at Jayce

She gave a charming smile

"That's cool!" Said Simone

"Cool?" Jayce said confused

"But I can't believe you were hooking up with a wannabe blonde girl, who is like every blonde girl we avoid at school," said Simone

"I wasn't hooking!" Clar blurted out and was blushing

"And for the record I am naturally blonde," said Jayce

Simone have her a look, which Jayce returned with a look of her own

"So are we breaking in or not?" Asked Jayce

"I guess, yeah," Clar answered

Jayce walked up to the door, pulled out her stele and said "Allow me."

Simone whispered to Clar "She's a piece of work."

"She saved my life," Clar said

Simone didn't say anything after that

They went in looked around, Jayce was going through Luke's duffle bag, and pulled out a picture frame

"This your?" She asked

"Yes, Luke must have been by the apartment."

"Hey, guys someones coming," said Simone

They hid behind a rosewood screen and they heard the voices, Jayce used her stele to draw a rune that made things clear for them to see.

The two men were in robes, Clar could recognize they were warlocks, Hodge had explained some to him, he was kinda proud of himself

"Those two are warlocks, Jayce," Clar whispered, but he noticed Jayce had gone stiff and her face was pale

Is she worried I am gonna run off, I'm not, he wish he could let her know that

——————

"these men are Shadowhunters..." She said, Clar gave a look of worry

Jayce didn't know what to think, those men there were the ones who killed her father, they were Shadowhunters who murdered another Shadowhunter, she tried to steel herself, that was what she had to do, feel nothing and it can't hurt you anymore.

They were talking about how Luke knew where Jocelyn's son was, aka Clar, they went on talking and Luke said he didn't know where she was and that he wanted nothing to do with Valentine, they said they are pretty sure Jocelyn has the mortal cup and Valentine wants it, and that Jocelyn is unconscious and he is waiting for her to awake.

Could Valentine really be back? If so things were about to get bad

Once they all left, the three of them got out of their hiding place, Jayce was figuring out what she would do about this

"they think your mom has the mortal cup, have you ever seen them before?" She asked Clar

"No," he said. "Do you know them?"

"You could say that," she said. "They were the ones who murdered my father."

She gestured for them to follow her so that they didn't stand there with their awkward silence all day

Clar was following close giving her looks, this boy, what is with him, and why does he even care so much about someone he barely knows?

Eventually they made it back to the institute, Jayce saw Church and felt a little better the cat may hate everyone but they have had some deep conversations

"Hey, Church," she bent down to pet him. "Take us to Hodge and I'll give you tuna."

Church got up and started walking down the hallway, he led them to the kitchen and the angel save them she could smell Iz's cooking

Jayce opened the kitchen door and alas there was Iz cooking and Church had betrayed Jayce, she should have walked away

"Hey Jayce, I am making soup do you—" she stopped and saw both Clar and Simone. "Omg you brought another one here, Hodge is gonna kill you."

"Hi, I'm Simone," said Simone

"JAYCE WAYLAND!," He said. "Explain why you brought another mundane."

"I said show me where Alec wss! Backstabber," she said as she glared at Church

"Don't be mean to Church, he isn't the reason you're going to be killed," said Iz

"Listen, Iz, I saw the men who killed my father today," she said

"Are you going to speak to Hodge about it?"

"I don't know."

"Is this girl one of them?"

"Do you think I would have brought her if she was?"

"No, you wouldn't have."

"That's why he brought us here, you've been stuffing him with fish," Jayce said. "He looks stuffed."

"He does not look stuffed," Iz said. "Besides it's not like the rest of you eat what I cook, I got this recipe from someone at the market."

"Maybe I would eat your cooking if it wasn't poisonous," Jayce said.

Iz glared, and said. "What was that?"

"Nothing, I am getting a snack."

"Yeah that's what I thought," Iz said, in his sibling way

Simone continued to stare at Iz, Clar followed Jayce to the refrigerator, he looked angry though Jayce had no idea why, she opened it and looked through the contents of the fridge

"You're seriously eating?" Said Clar

"yeah, I don't have anything better to do at the moment," she said

Clar looked inside the fridge and saw Hodge's containers that said 'Hodge's do not eat'

"He is kinda like that roommate who has all these rules and stuff isn't he?" Asked Clar

Jayce told him he just likes things to have order, Jayce understood that

Jayce grabbed some spaghetti, it reminded her of a childhood memory

"spaghetti," Jayce said

"Don't ruin your appetite, the soup will be done soon," Iz said

"I plan to do exactly that," she said

She offered some to Clar, he shook his head and said

"No."

"Your loss," she said

—

Clar watched Jayce as she ate some spaghetti

"Do you want to go to Hodge?" He asked

"You really want to get out of here, don't you?" She said

"Don't you want to talk to him about all that we saw today and found out?"

"I don't know, I am still thinking if I do," Jayce said, she licked some spaghetti sauce off her knuckle. "We can go if you want to so badly."

"Yes," he said

They started to head out

"Where you going?" Asked Simone

"To find Hodge," Jayce said. "And to tell him about all the stuff we saw today."

"You going to let him know about the men yo–" Isidore was saying but Jayce cut in

"Don't know," she said. "So don't tell anyone."

"Ok," Isidore said. "Do you want me to save you some soup?"

"No," said Jayce

"Do you think Hodge wants some?"

"No one wants soup."

Clar thought they were like siblings he had seen before

"I would like some," Simone said

"No, you're just interested in Iz and want to get in bed with him," said Jayce

Simone looked shocked and said "No I don't!"

"Oh, that's very flattering," said Isidore with a smirk and went back to the soup

"Sure it is," Said Jayce. "Ask him or whatever and he'll turn you down and we can get back to reality," she made a gesture of hurry with her hand. "We're waiting, Mundie."

Simone looked embarrassed and was blushing, Clar may have been alright with this a minute ago but now he felt angry and offended that Jayce just said that to Simone.

"Leave her alone, Jayce," he snapped at Jayce. "You don't have to be an ass just cause she isn't one of you."

"You mean one of us," Jayce said. "I am going, and I am going to talk to Hodge, come if you want or stay here with the smell of this soup."

Clar watched as she went out and the door slammed behind her, he looked behind him at Simone and said

"You coming?"

"No, I am gonna stay here," she mumbled

He sighed and went after Jayce

He caught up to her

"Leaving them to it," she said

"Why do you always have to be such an asshat?"

"an asshat?" She looked like she would have burst out laughing

"Those things you said to Simone."

"I was trying to spare her some pain, Isidore is a heartbreaker, he does that to people like her," she said

"Did he do that to you?" He asked

She shook her head, and told church to bring them to Hodge or she'd turn him into a tennis racket, the cat snorted and went down a hall, he found it odd that the cat snorted, Clar was trailing behind Jayce, he noticed the stress and tiredness in her shoulders, he wondered if she was ever not tense

"Hey, Jayce."

"Yeah, what?"

"Sorry for snapping at you."

"which time?" She asked and laughed

"You do it too," he said

"I know," she said, it surprised him that she admitted that. "There's something about you, that's just so–"

"Annoying?"

"Unsettling."

He wondered what she meant but didn't ask

"Does Isidore cook often?" He asked instead

"Thank the angel no," Jayce said. "Usually Maryse Lightwood their mom does, she makes such good food."

She looked like she was in heaven or something

"Why didn't she teach Isidore than? If he is cooking now, why not teach him?" Clar asked

They were walking through the music room now, where he'd seen her play and thought the music was lovely

"He never wanted to learn, he's more into fighting demons and weapons, he comes from a long line of warriors," she said and their was a but of pride in the way she was speaking. "He's one of the best Shadowhunters I have ever known."

"Better than Alec even?" He said

Church stopped in front of a spiral staircase, dimmly lit

"So the greenhouse is where he is," said Jayce

"The greenhous?" Was all he said

Jayce stepped into the first step and started up the stairs. "He grows medical plants and herbs up there," she said

His steps made noises but Jayce's didn't

"Is she better than Isidore," Clar asked her again. "Alec I mean."

She paused and looked down at him from one of the higher steps, leaning down like she would fall, he remembered the dreams he had and about angels falling, the burning, he found the dreams odd and he had never had them before but she reminded him of am angel now

"Better?" She said. "At slaying demons? Not really, she's never killed one."

"Seriously?"

"Don't know why exactly, but it may be because she's always protecting me and Iz."

They were at the top of the stairs now, they went in and the smell of plants his Clar's nose, it smelled fresh and like growth, there were so many plants, so many colors, Clar didn't know if he had ever seen plants that were as beautiful as these, he was overtaken by it all and let out a small gasp.

There was a bench that Hodge was sitting on

"You look like your are waiting for something to happen," said Jayce. She picked a leaf off of a branch and was twirling it with her fingers, she had a lot of nervous habits for someone who seemed to have themself so contained, or maybe she just liked to constantly be doing something

"I was just lost in my thoughts," Hodge replied. He stretched his arm out and hugo landed on it. "What happened to you, you look as if—"

"We were attacked," Jayce said shortly. "By forsaken."

"Forsakens being here?"

"Forsaken," said Jayce. "We only saw one."

"But Dorothea said there was more of them," Clar added.

"Who is Dorothea?" Hodge put a hand up in a gesture of slow down and stop. "It would be easier if you told me it all in order."

"Yes, of course," Jayce said

She told him about what all had happened, about Dorothea, about Luke's place, except left out the part about the men being the ones who killed her father. Told him about Luke and the men whose names were Pangborn and Blackwell

Hodge had a strange look on his face and said something about the circle rising again, even Jayce looked confused as to what he meant

She said. "The Circle?"

Hodge said they should go to the library and discuss this matter.

Tag list: @khaleesiofalicante @chibi-tsukiko @spotsandclawsthings @replayfootsteps @magnus-the-maqnificent @bookfast-at-tiffanys @simply-ellas-stuff @my-archerboy

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mysteryartisticwriter · 4 years

Text

Body Stealing Black-Eyed Bitch (2) // Jack Kline/Belphegor X Reader

A/N: This is part two so make sure you go read the first one in order for this one to make much more sense lol. This one is actually a lot longer than the first one because me being stupid didn’t equal it out.

TAKES PLACE DURING 15x01 (SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN BTW

Requested: Kinda...people wanted this second part but I was gonna make it anyway

Warnings: Blood, some forms of gore, some angst, and some heavy makeout session

PART 1

Not my gifs!! (Please tell me if you, the owner, would like me to take the gif down!)

The guys ran to the doors to check the outside while you stayed back and stared down the demon. He noticed you looking at him and smiled.

“What? No thank you?”

You scoffed. “As if I’ll ever thank you.”

You and Belphegor followed the older men to the outside. You exited the tomb and saw that the sky was still an eerie dark black, but the several dead walking bodies had collapsed on the ground, lifeless once more.

“Hey, it worked! High five!” Belphegor cheered, lifting his hand for high five that one paid any attention to.

“The spirits have been destroyed.” Castiel said, looking around the graveyard.

“No, I actually just blasted them out of those bodies.” Belphegor walked past the four of you.

“So where are the ghosts, then?” Dean asked.

Belphegor didn’t really give a proper answer and you all just sighed then headed toward the chevy impala. As always, Dean was driving and Sam was in shotgun. You, Castiel and Belphegor sat in the back, much to yours and Cas’ distaste. It was a bit worse for you since you were trapped in the middle of the two, meaning you were closer to the demon.

The five of you drove down the dark road as Sam checked online if there was anything on the news. Belphegor was checking out his vessel in the car’s mirrors.

“I mean, come on. I look good.” He said while fumbling with his glasses.

“Don’t get used to it.” You barked, your arms crossed and face blank.

“I’m gonna have to, sweetheart.”

“Anything?” Dean asked his brother, changing the subject.

Sam glanced at Dean with a strange look. “No, not yet. I mean, the news, they didn't...it just... I'm not seeing anything about a worldwide zombie apocalypse.”

“So... Ghostpocalypse. Maybe it's just happening here.” Dean suggested.

But Belphegor shrugged from the backseat next to you.

“Eh, for now. I mean the souls gotta go somewhere, right?”

“Yeah, how many are we talking about, by the way? Souls?” Sam asked, turning his body to face Belphegor.

“In hell?”

“Yes.”

“Two...three billion.” The demon shrugged nonchalantly.

Your eyes widened while Sam and Dean shared a dour face. They knew lots of souls escaped from Hell but not that many.

“Alright. Let's just stick to the plan, alright? We head back to the bunker, figure out how to close the rift.” Dean said.

Belphegor sucked in a breath. “If you can.”

You glared your eyes to him.

“Yeah well, you got a better idea?” You snapped.

“I do not. But if you wanted to buy some time, you could always contain the ghosts.” He told you.

“Contain them how?” Asked Sam.

“Magic.” He answered, as if it was obvious.

“And you just happen to know the right spell?” Cas pointed out.

“Lucky you.” Belphegor said, smirking at you.

You just rolled your eyes and sank back into your seat.

“What do you mean by "contain"?”

“Imagine a salt circle a mile wide. No ghosts get in, no ghosts get out.”

“No,” Castiel interjected. “That town, Harlan, Kansas is less than a mile from the cemetery.”

“Then we get everyone out.” Dean deadpanned.

“How?”

“We lie.”

It was already light once you guys arrived back in the town. Sam left the car to speak to the sheriff about the town’s evacuation, you, Dean, Cas and Belphegor were left in the car.

“We can handle the evac, so why don't you grab Crowley Jr. here whatever he needs for his spell?” Dean told you and Cas.

“No.”

“I’m not doing that.” You both protested at the same time.

“What?” Dean confusingly asked.

Castiel looked anywhere but Belphegor. “Dean, I can't. I-I...I can't even look at him.”

A terrible silence went through the car before Cas finally just sighed and left the car. Dean just turned back into his seat and pulled out his extra pistol, opening the glove compartment and shoving it in there out of plain sight. Belphegor took notice and looked over the seat to see what he hid.

“Uh, what’s that?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, cool.”

Dean looked at you in his rearview mirror and sighed.

“(Y/n), I’m gonna need you to help...Belphegor find his supplies and seal up the town. Once you finish the spell, come find us, okay?”

“I am not dealing with him...I can’t. This demon is inhabiting Jack’s-” You stopped. “He’s using his body, Dean.” You confessed to the eldest Winchester brother.

“Sorry, but I’m not asking, Singer.” Dean scolded you, using your last name.

Whenever he used it, you knew he meant business. No one ever called you by your adoptive father’s last name but the Winchesters and that only happened in times where you really pissed them off. You just scoffed and scooted farther away from the demon next to you.

Being near Belphegor kept reminding you that the love of your life was gone forever. Every memory, good and bad, about Jack replayed in your mind. From when you first found him, to teaching him to control his powers or even when he ran away. Your heart and mind ached, ached for your love back.

You noticed that Dean and Belphegor stepped out of the car so you followed on your side. Dean gave you strict instructions about the demon (mainly on making sure he didn’t go rogue and kill you) and then left you alone with him.

As you walked down the street, Belphegor walked next to you and watched several people who walked past you two. He eyed their appearances then whispered to you.

“So, people are, like, crazy good-looking now, eh?”

You furrowed your eyebrows in a mix of irration and confusion. “What?”

“I mean, the last time I was on Earth, when I was human. Ah, it was a while ago. I mean, but, you know, we were all worshipping this giant rock that looked like a huge penis, and...”

“Ew, dude, TMI.” You grimaced.

“It’s true! Anyway, folks back then, they were, uh, ugly. You know? Had a lot of humps. I mean, a lot. Look at 'em now,” Belphegor stared at your body and smiled. “I mean, look at you. I mean, you're, uh, you know, beautiful.”

You halted in your tracks and a memory popped into your mind.

“You’re very pretty, (Y/n).” Jack told you.

You looked up at him in surprise. The two of you were just in the middle of searching for a case in the bunker’s library when he broke the silence with his words. Jack was just staring at you with a lovestruck gaze and you blushed heavily.

“Thank you, Jack. I think you’re very pretty, too.” You replied, trying to focus on your computer.

“No, no, I mean it.” You looked back up at him, staring into his piercing eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

A tear escaped your eye before you had a chance to wipe it away. Belphegor saw you had stopped walking so he looked to you and saw your bleak expression.

“Um... you good?” He asked, going to shake your shoulder but was stopped by you grabbing his wrist.

“Never touch me. Never call me beautiful. And don’t you ever ask me if I’m good,” You furiously wiped at the tears in your eyes. “Because I am never good.”

You could see out of the corner of your eyes that some people were starting to stare at you two. Although you were still angry, you let go of his wrist.

“Let’s just get your shit and get out of here. Wh-When are you gonna get out of that body, anyway?” You asked.

“Eh, when I find another one. I mean, I would've jumped at the cemetery, but all those meat suits were a little too, uh, you know, wormy. Difficult to blend, if you will.” Belphegor droned on.

“Yeah...sure.”

“So, uh...who was...he, anyway?”

You turned to him but continued walking. “What?”

“Well, I know he was your boyfriend and all but uh...who was this kid?” He curiously asked.

You hesitated before answering.

“His name was Jack. He was a lot of things. To the boys he was their kid. Kinda. But to me,” You swallowed. “He was important. My love, my light, my everything. And now he’s gone, with you inside his corpse.”

The demon could see the emotion in your eyes, even if you did try to keep a straight face, Belphegor could see what you were truly feelings.

“Oh. Uh...sorry.”

You shook your head and carried on.

“So, what do you need for this spell?

“You know, nothing much. Big bag of salt.”

“Easy.”

“And a...and a human heart.”

You physically groaned. You really need a break from death.

You exited the convenience store with a huge bag of rock salt. Turning to your left, you entered an alleyway where Belphegor was leaning against a brick wall. He noticed you coming toward him and brushed off his vessel’s clothing.

“Here’s your salt.” You said, handing him the bag.

“I’m going to call Dean about the heart. Maybe he knows a way to get one.”

You grabbed your phone from your pocket and began to search for Dean’s number in your contacts until you saw Belphegor staring at you. For a moment, he reminded you of Jack and his innocent gazes.

“Is there a problem?” You asked. He shook his head.

“No, no, it’s just...you’re very popular in hell.”

“I am?” You asked, pretty curious.

“Yeah. I mean, you may not be Winchester famous but still really well known.” The demon affirmed.

“And how exactly am I “well known” among Hell? I’ve been with the boys for almost eight years now and no demon has ever told me that I’m popular.”

“Kevin Tran, duh. He always talks about you, talks about how you were his best friend and how much he missed you- god he was so whinny.”

You stared at the demon with a blinking look, not sure if you had hear him correctly.

“K-Kevin? Kevin Tran?” You wanted him to confirm. He nodded.

“But God said- Chuck said he was going to Heaven. Kevin is supposed to be in Heaven!” You fumed, getting angrier by the second.

First that son of a bitch messed up your lives for his own entertainment, then he kills Jack, and now apparently he didn’t even send your old best friend to Heaven like he said he would! That lying bastard.

“I’m going to fucking kill that bastard of a writer.”

“Woah, woah, chill. Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to be calm! My best friend is in Hell!”

Your breathing started to pick up, your mind clouded by anger and you paced back and forth in the ally way. You didn’t even notice Belphegor come up to you and grab you by the shoulders.

Not really knowing anything else to do, Belphegor lifted your chin and smashed his lips onto yours. Your eyes widened in surprise and didn’t even have a chance to respond to the kiss. Because he was using Jack’s body, he tasted like him, felt like him and even the way he held you felt like Jack. For a moment, you forgot that it wasn’t Jack in his body, it was a demon.

After feeling you not freaking out anymore, Belphegor let you go and stared you in the eyes, you staring at your shocked reflection in his sunglasses.

“You calm now?”

You weren’t even thinking anymore. It had felt like forever since you kissed Jack, and even though your mind knew it wasn’t him, your body still craved for his touch again. Without even thinking, you forced your lips back onto his.

Belphegor responded almost immediately, kissing you with just as much passion as you did. His kisses were different, not the soft and sweet kind that your Jack and you always shared. No, this was different, what you felt was true lust and roughness.

You felt him push you up against the brick wall he was leaning against and you could feel his hips grind into yours. You moaned into the kiss, feeling Belphegor’s smirk against your lips. One of his hands found their way from your hips and almost up your shirt.

The hot and heavy kiss had only lasted for a while until Belphegor let your lips go. His stupid and cooky smirk was plastered on his face.

“Come on, we got a bunch of souls and ghosts to seal into this town, right?”

The demon walked past you and out of the alleyway, standing at the end and waiting for you. After everything that’s happened to you in the past couple of days, you managed to make a tiny smile at him.

Later, after calling Dean, you told him about the heart you needed for the spell and he suggested you going to morgue. You and Belphegor walked down the empty street, heading to your destination.

“So...about that heart.” He brought up the subject again.

“On it. Dean said that we could probably just head down to the morgue.”

You saw the demon shrug and scrunch up his face.

“Hmm. Fresh, it'd be... it would be better.”

You were about to answer when a man screaming in the distance caught your attention. Immediately, you ran towards the sound with Belphegor following behind you. You went down the street and around the corner to see the town’s sheriff laying on the ground, dead.

You kneeled down to the body and saw a closer look to his neck. There were deep scratches that cut deep and blood drained from his body onto the pavement.

You internally gagged, but managed to keep it down and covered your mouth with your hand. Belphegor wasn’t very affected from the dead man on the ground.

“Hmm, cool.”

You looked up to him with a weirded out face, he just shrugged as if it was nothing. Then again, he was a torturer in Hell for thousands of years.

“Fuck...”

“Yeah. Yeah, poor guy.” Belphegor said with no sympathy at all.

He leaned down toward the body and pushed his hand into the man’s chest, you backing away in disgust and shock. Belphegor pulled out a fresh, bloody heart and showed it to you.

“Well, I got a heart,” Bel smirked and held the organ out to you. “I would give it to you but-”

“I don’t care.” You deadpanned.

He raised his hands up in defense.

Suddenly, the air around you turned cold and when you exhaled, your breath turned white. You knew what this was, a ghost was near.

“We need to move. Now.” You commanded the demon until you heard a voice from behind you.

“Can you take me home?”

You turned around to see the woman in white that Sam and Dean had told you about, the first hunt they went on that started them on this journey together. She whipped her hand out and you went flying towards a nearby dumpster and some boxes.

You took a moment to breath and saw the woman walking towards Belphegor, ready to attack him. The demon backed away, still carrying the heart.

“O-Oh, hey. Look, okay?” He stammered, putting his hand out in front of him.

“Bad ghost! Bad!”

She once again swiped her hand at his lifted hand and created deep scratches into his palm. He winced at the pain and held his hurt hand close to his chest.

Just as the woman was about to pounce on him, you quickly grabbed an iron pole from the boxes and swung at the ghost with all your might. She disappeared right away but you knew she would be back.

“Bel, spell, now. Let's get the salt.”

After running back to grab the salt you had left in the alleyway, you grabbed it and poured it all into a large pile in the middle of the now deserted street. Belphegor then set the dead man’s heart in the center of the salt.

“We good?” You asked.

“We’re good.”

He stood firmly and began to chant the spell.

“Animi...infernorum...spiritus abyssi surrecti...defigo...vos intra confinia. Vinciamni!”

As the salt and heart began to glow red, Belphegor set his hand firmly into the street in front of the ingredients. A powerful wave washed over the whole town then everything went back to being quiet once more.

After meeting up with the boys, along with a mom and her young daughter, you all rode back into the high school to drop off the little family. There wasn’t enough space in the backseat of the impala so you kind of just ended up sitting on top of Belphegor’s lap.

Dean stopped the car in a parking spot and him, along with his brother, turned to face the five of you in the back.

“So, what now?” The mother asked.

“Okay. You two go inside. We'll take care of the town.” Sam told them.

“And maybe don't tell anybody about the whole ghost thing.” Dean added.

“Or the angel thing.” Cas said, looking towards the girl and her mom.

“Yeah, that... that might freak them out.”

Belphegor scoffed from beneath you. “Uh, might?”

You elbowed the demon in the stomach, causing him to groan in pain. You then smiled softly towards the two.

“You’ll be okay, stay safe, alright?”

The mother and daughter left the car and you finally were able to get off of Bel’s lap. It was pretty uncomfortable for you but obviously, Belphegor had enjoyed every bit of it.

Dean drove off to the middle of the parking lot and stepped out of the car, everyone already had gotten off as well. He walked up to you standing next to Belphegor.

“Good to know that the spell worked. He cause any trouble?” Dean questioned, nodding towards the demon who just waved at him.

You looked at Bel then back to the tall man and shook your head.

“No. No, not really. Surprisingly, Bel is pretty okay for a demon. He can’t replace...”You stopped for a moment. Then you remembered the kiss in the alleyway, feeling guilty. “He didn’t cause any trouble. We’re fine.”

Dean looked suspiously between you and Belphegor but nodded and walked over to Cas. You turned over to the demon who was leaning against Baby.

“Bel, what happened in the alleyway...that can’t happen again. I-I mean, I just lost Jack and I can’t-”

Belphegor interrupted you before you could continue.

“Calm yourself, sweetheart. What happened in the alleyway can be our little secret, all right?” He raised his eyebrow in a sly manner, making you slightly giggle, something you haven’t done in a while.

“Our secret.”

You saw his left hand and remembered how the woman in white did some damage to it. You held your hand out so you could take a closer look at it.

“Let me look at your wound.”

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I’ve been through worse.”

“Don’t care. Give me your hand.” You persisted.

Belphegor sighed and lifted his hand to allow you to grab it. You looked over the three deep scratches in his palm and bit your lip in slight disgust. You dropped his hand.

“Let’s clean that up.”

You grabbed some supplies from the Winchester brothers since they were fixing up Sam’s almost infected bullet wound. Taking a piece of bandage, you cleaned up Bel’s scars then wrapped his hand.

“You really care about me, don’t you?” He teased, cockily.

You scoffed.

“You’re in Jack’s body, I don’t anything happening to yo- it. You’re still a body stealing black-eyed bitch, Bel.”

A/N: Oh my god, it’s like 7am and I have been up working on this since 1am. I really need food and sleep. Stay safe, loves!

Lemme know if you wanna be tagged in my Supernatural stories!

Someone messaged me and asked me if I could tag them but I completely forgot who so whoever messaged me, please do it again so I can add you!

TAGGED:

@shortwinchester

@coltcas

@urlaslongasafalloutboysongtitle

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