#guess I’m staying on tumblr for the two hours

[yourcharateraigirly]

. . . why . . .

#insomnia to a next level #i just want to sleep #I can’t be spoken to right now #character ai #char ai #guess I’m staying on tumblr for the two hours

[lovelyjj]

Choices

jj maybank x kook!reader

request: Heyyyy I really love your works, I kindly request if you can please write a tumblr story of how JJ maybank likes both kook reader (Sarah’s cousin she introduced to the group and treasure hunt) and Kiara at the same time and he has to choose between the two and ends up choosing reader and Kiara moves on soon too

wc: 4.7k

a/n: I kinda changed the plot a little bit where Kiara and Sarah already worked out their differences. sorry this took forever!!

JJ watched her. He was captivated by her beauty. He watched as her long dark curls bounced as she walked. He admired her tan skin. He watched as she waited tables and rung up customers.

JJ was at the wreck while Kiara worked. He didn’t mind as he was mesmerized. Kiara didn’t seem to mind her visitor.

“Hey what are you doing here?” Kiara questioned.

“Just came to visit you,” JJ smiled.

“I’m working JJ.”

“I know I won’t bother you, promise.”

Kiara didn’t believe him when he said this however she still smiled and nodded back at him.

JJ stayed at the wreck for another hour before he decided to go home. When he got home he couldn’t stop thinking about Kiara. He thought about her smile and her laugh and her personality.

He loved hanging out with her even if it was to watch her work. JJ was confused as to how he can like someone so much.

——————

You never been to this so called Midsummers. Sarah has been raving about it to you for so long you grew tired of hearing about it. You and Sarah were currently getting ready for the party.

“Do you want me to do your eyeliner?” Sarah asked.

“Yes please,” you responded.

Sarah sat down in the seat in front of you and got busy.

“So are you excited for Midsummers?” you asked Sarah.

“Yeah I guess so, I’m just a little bummed because I don’t think John B will be there.”

“And John B is the guy your leaving Topper for?”

“Correct. Now hold still and close your eye.” Sarah demanded.

After a little while the both of you were ready for Midsummers. You were wearing a baby blue silk dress that matched Sarah’s white dress perfectly.

You arrived at the country club right on time and you were a bundle of nerves. You never been to Midsummers before and you were nervous because you didn’t know what it would be like.

Of course Sarah told you everything about it but still it didn’t ease your nerves. When you stepped out of the car you were met with a ton of people all dressed very nicely.

After Ward made his entrance and after a while of socializing you and Sarah made it to the dance floor.

Sarah was hiding behind her friend and sneaking some champagne.

You were on the dance floor living it up. When a mysterious blonde boy came up behind Sarah.

“JJ?” she questioned.

“yep” He spoke

“What?”

“I got a, uh, note from Vlad.” “Shh.”

“From Vlad?” Sarah confirmed.

“Yeah” JJ replied.

“Okay.”

“Read the note.” JJ said walking backwards.

Sarah read the note and ran off. You were confused by the whole interaction by brushed it off. You continued dancing.

After a while Sarah came back to find you.

“Hey listen we gotta go to Rixon’s Cove,” Sarah exclaimed.

“What why?” you asked.

“You’ll see,” she smirked.

Sarah grabbed your hand and led you away from the party and towards Rixon’s Cove. When you arrived you were met with a group of people.

They all turned towards you and you gave them all a smile.

“Hi guys, This is my cousin y/n,” Sarah announced.

“Hi, nice to meet you all,” you spoke.

“You can trust her,” Sarah put forth.

“Hi y/n, I’m John B.”

“I’ve herd a lot about you,” you giggled as Sarah’s cheeks warmed.

“Hi I’m Kiara,” she got up and shook your hand. You smiled at her.

“I’m Pope,” Pope said.

You turned your gaze to the only person who hasn’t introduced themselves.

JJ was frozen in place. He couldn’t believe his eyes. There you were in your shiny silky blue dress looking like a goddess. JJ didn’t believe in love at first sight until now.

“JJ,” Pope coughed.

“What oh right sorry, I’m JJ, JJ Maybank, pleasure to meet you.”

You thought JJ was cute and you wondered if he had a girlfriend, probably you thought.

“Now that we are all acquainted. I have some news,” John B announced.

“You ready for this?”

“Yeah,” Kiara responded.

“So, the gold never went down with the Royal Merchant,” John B continued.

“Oh, my god. Here we go again with this.” Pope voiced.

“No. All right, wait. Hear him out, all right?” JJ spoke.

“It’s been here the whole time. It’s on the island.” John B added.

“Are you serious?” Kiara questioned.

“Oh my god.” Kiara exclaimed.

“I’d like to voice my skepticism.” Pope said.

“I’m sure you would, Pope, but can I please present you with my evidence, sir?” John B asked.

“Proceed.” Pope responded.

“All right. So, in my backpack, I have a letter from Denmark Tanny.” John B went on.

“Who the hell’s that?” Kiara asked.

“Denmark Tanny was a slave that survived the Royal Merchant wreck. Check this out,” John B explained.

“What?” Kiara voiced.

John B handed her the letter. “Here you go.”

“Okay, slaves weren’t mentioned as crew members on the ship, but my dad, he found the complete manifest. That was his big discovery. So Tanny used the gold from the Merchant to buy his freedom.” John B discussed.

Kiara whistled and gave Pope the letter.

“After that, he bought his farm.” John B continued.

“Drumroll, please, because that farm is… Tannyhill Plantation.”

“Tannyhill?” Kiara questioned.

“Yeah. So, after that, he used his money to free even more slaves, and then he sold a shit-ton of rice, which pisses off all the white planters, and then they decide to lynch him.”

“So on the day they were coming to get him, he writes a letter to his son as a farewell, and in the last line of that letter, he leaves a coded message about where to find the gold.”

“Where?” Kiara whispered.

“Harvest the wheat in parcel nine, near the water. Except… there’s no wheat. You see, wheat is code for gold. Check this out. The gold is in parcel nine, near the water.” John B shared.

“Holy shit,” Pope exclaimed.

“All we need is an original survey map of the property, and we’ve found the gold.” John B cheered.

“Which I can get,” Sarah added.

“Okay, so this might have a small chance of being actually true.” Pope acknowledged.

“Dude it’s like King Tut,” Kiara suggested.

“I am a genius,” John B announced.

JJ got up and walked over to John B and embraced him.

“Hey, whoa! Hello! Fire! You’re near the fire. You’re gonna burn.” John B stated.

“I’m so proud of you right now.” JJ commented.

“Thank you. That’s really sweet of you,” John B expressed.

“Okay, so, guys. What’s the plan?” Pope asked.

“Good question,” John B stated.

“Well I can bring the map soon it should only take a second,” Sarah spoke.

“How much in gold are we talking?” you asked.

“400 million.” The pogues said together.

“Woah,” you stated shocked.

“Alright we can meet up later and get the map and go from there,” John B suggested.

After the meeting at Rixon’s Cove you all went home and thought about what was said. When you finally got home you couldn’t stop thinking about JJ. It’s like you were drawn to him.

There has been a few meetings about the gold and you were grateful to be apart of it and apart of the group. You felt like you finally found a group of friends.

Today you were going surfing to celebrate finding the gold. There was also gonna be a party at the boneyard but that was tomorrow.

Once you got to the beach you felt like you should mention you don’t know how to surf.

You voiced your concern about not knowing how to surf and JJ jumped up.

“I could teach you,” JJ exclaimed.

“Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Yeah of course.”

While the other pogues went to hit the water you and JJ stayed on the sand. JJ wanted to get to know you and he thought the perfect opportunity to do that was teaching you how to surf.

“Alright before we hit the water we must practice on the sand. First i’m gonna teach you about paddling.” JJ went on.

JJ proceeded to show you how to paddle. Then JJ showed you how to stand on the board and maintain your balance.

“We will get you in the water another day,” JJ started.

“Ok sounds good.”

You and JJ sat in the sand watching the others surf. JJ was so proud of you for learning so fast. Now was his chance to learn about you.

“So what do you like to do if you don’t surf?” JJ asked.

“Well I like to read and ride my bike.”

“Really? Ya know i have a dirt bike. I could take you on it sometime.” JJ hoped his invitation wasn’t too forward.

“Yeah that sound fun,” you exclaimed.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” JJ asked next.

You paused for an moment to think then you smiled and JJ just about died at the sight.

“I mean yeah, I think everyone has a person made for them and someone who completely understands you and loves you unconditionally is important to have.”

“I agree I believe there’s an intense connection where both people feel deeply drawn together as if the affair was somehow destined to be.”

JJ’s eyes were sparkling and you felt mesmerized.

“What’s your love language?” You asked.

“Hmm probably physical touch, which is funny,” JJ replied.

“Yeah mine too. Why is it funny?”

“I just didn’t expect it to be physical touch.”

“What's the best gift you've ever received, and why?” JJ asked.

“Umm probably concert tickets because it was Lana Del Rey and I love her a lot.”

“Really that’s so cool. Personally I love concerts.” JJ exclaimed.

“Yeah there the best,” you stated.

“What kind of music do you like?” JJ questioned.

“Um I listen to pop, indie pop, modern rock, indie folk and Hollywood.” you explained.

“That’s some good stuff right there,” JJ commented.

“Will I see you at the boneyard party tomorrow?” JJ asked.

“Yes you will,” you smiled.

After everyone was done surfing you all went to John Bs house. Everyone decided to just relax and watch movies.

—————

The boneyard parties are always fun. You had no idea because you’ve never been to one. Being a kook you never really branched out. Now you had a group of your friends that would be there.

You arrived with Sarah in a white sundress with yellow flowers on it. You were excited and nervous at the same time. The beach was buzzing with people. You were entranced by the energy of the people.

JJ was situated on a branch talking to Kiara.

“I haven’t seen you talk to any tourons lately,” Kiara stated.

“Yeah I’m growing tired of them. Their all the same,” JJ replied.

“JJ Maybank is passing up on sleeping with tourons, unheard of!” Kiara gasped in surprise.

Little did Kiara know that he liked her and didn’t see a point in filling his life with meaningless sex when all he really wanted was her.

Then JJ spotted you across the way and his whole face lit up. You looked hot. You were in a group of people with Sarah laughing at something someone said.

JJ wasn’t sure if he should approach you but he desperately wanted to hear your laugh.

You were mingling when you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around and were surprised to see JJ.

“You’re here!”

“I am,” you responded.

“Have you had something to drink,” JJ noticing your empty hands.

“No I haven’t.”

“Come on, let’s get you something to take the edge off.” JJ insisted.

JJ guided you to where the keg was. He poured you a drink and handed it to you. Then he proceeded to pour one for himself.

“You look nice,” JJ smiled.

You took a sip of your beer trying to hide your blush.

“Thank you,” you answered shyly.

“Do you want to go down to the water?” You asked JJ.

“Yeah sure,” JJ called.

The two of you made your way to the waves and you stuck your feet in the water. JJ was wearing boots so he just stepped near the water.

“Ya know I’ve always loved the water. I used to come down to the beach with Sarah. First we would watch for dolphins. Then we’d play in the waves til sunset. It was always so magical and fun we wouldn’t even care walking back wet.”

“That sounds perfect.” JJ commented.

“It was,” you smiled.

All of a sudden you got an idea. When the next wave came bringing in water that went up to your knees, you scooped up some water and flicked it towards JJ.

JJ scoffed but then he began to laugh and he said, “oh it’s on.”

JJ then proceeded to splash you and you splashed him back. This caused you to erupt in a fit of giggles.

JJ finally got to hear your laugh and it was music to his ears.

Soon the both of you were soaked and you were both smiling. Then horror struck you as you realized you were wearing white.

“Oh my god!” You shrieked and your hands flew up to cover your chest.

JJ tried to get the image out of his head he really tried but your dress stuck to you like glue and he could see the outline of your nipples pass your light blue bra.

He thought about what it be like to suck on them and he instantly felt ashamed.

You were panicking. But it could’ve been worse you could’ve not been wearing shorts underneath your dress. Thank god you did.

JJ quickly took off his shirt and gave it to you. “Here.”

You looked relieved and JJ smiled.

You took it from him and pulled the wet garment over your head. “Thanks.”

“Come on I know somewhere we can dry off,” JJ extended his hand out for you to take.

This gesture didn’t go unnoticed by you but you didn’t question it. You laced your fingers with JJ’s and made your way to the château.

“First I need another drink,” you stated.

“We’ve got beer at John B’s.” JJ whispered.

“Ok.”

Once you arrived at the château, JJ led you through the hall into his room. He took out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt along with a towel to dry off.

“Thank you JJ.”

After you changed in the bathroom JJ was already ready dressed in sweats and no shirt.

“You look good in my clothes,” JJ smirked.

You blushed and hoped it wasn’t noticed by JJ.

“You really think so?” you questioned.

“Yep,” JJ remarked.

You opened your arms signaling you wanted to give JJ a hug. JJ was surprised but he would certainly not pass up a hug from you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and JJ circled his arms around the small of your back. JJ smelled your coconut shampoo and he declared it his new favorite smell.

You pulled away way to soon for JJ’s liking but he obliged none the less.

“Now you wanted another drink right?” JJ asked.

“Yeah.”

He walked over to the kitchen pulled open the fridge and took out a can of beer. Then he handed it to you. He also took one for himself.

“So do you want to watch a movie?” JJ asked.

“Sure.”

With a movie on the TV and the two of you sharing a blanket you both sipped your beers and watched the film.

After the movie was over you guys stayed up til 3am talking about anything and everything. When Sarah walked into the château she was surprised to see you cuddled up with JJ on the pull out couch.

You were facing JJ and he was facing you. You were tucked under his chin and his arms were around you.

Sarah decided not to disturb the two of you but she will definitely bring it up later.

The next day you were over at Sarah’s house.

“So what the hell is going on with you and JJ?” Sarah asked.

“What do you mean, nothing is happening between us.” you replied confused.

“Well I saw the two of you cuddling at John Bs. It was kinda cute.”

“Oh that.” you flushed. “We just fell asleep really late and it sorta just happened unconsciously.”

“Yeah right,” Sarah laughed.

“I’m being serious nothing is happening,” you frowned.

“But you want something to happen,” Sarah smirked.

“What? No I don’t, What makes you think that?”

“Well I think you like him because you hang out a lot,” Sarah reasoned.

“So.”

“So, jump his bones already.”

“Sarah!”

“What, come on I think you guys would be good together.” Sarah threw up her hands and tossed them back down.

“Well it’s not happening,” you crossed your arms.

——————

You guys lost the gold. Everyone was pissed beyond belief. Loosing the gold to ward impacted everyone. Everyone seemed to be down in the dumps. A few months later the fuss seemed to have died down.

In those few months you and JJ got closer. Your relationship blossomed.

Everyone was out on the boat except you. You were busy and missed out on the boat day.

The pogues were gliding through the water, wind in their hair. Sarah was sitting next to JJ when she noticed JJ staring longingly at Kiara.

When they arrived back at the château, Sarah pulled JJ aside.

“Listen I see the way you look at her.” Sarah spoke.

“Look at who,” JJ questioned.

“Kiara. It’s the same way you look at y/n.” Sarah responded.

“What are you implying.”

“Look all I’m saying is you need to choose between them or I will tell them everything.” Sarah’s words cutting like knives.

JJ was conflicted. He didn’t know what to do. He for sure didn’t want Sarah to tell you and Kiara everything. He liked both of you and he didn’t know how he was going to choose.

——————

The pogues were all outside the château chilling and drinking when you walked up to the action.

JJ immediately turned around and saw you. He was at a loss for words, you looked stunning and he felt something in his chest.

“Hey guys,” you started.

“Hi y/n!” John B responded.

Sarah gave you a wave and Kiara gave you a smile. Pope handed you a drink which you gladly accepted.

You sat down next to JJ and his heart fluttered. JJ seemed to always feel some type of way around you. These past months his feelings really grew stronger. He couldn’t help the floaty feeling he felt just by being in your presence.

“We were just talking about the fight at the bonfire.” John B announced.

“Oh yeah that was wild. I can’t believe that happened,” you stated.

“Really I thought it was pretty predictable.” Kiara reasoned.

Everyone laughed and continued to tell stories. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. You however thought JJ was unusually quiet.

Truth is JJ was at war with himself. He didn’t take what Sarah said lightly. He knew she would tell them everything if he didn’t make up his mind.

JJ laid awake at night wondering what to do. He just hoped he would come up with a solution soon.

—————

JJ didn’t know what he did to piss off his dad so badly. It must of been something really bad because his dad was fuming.

“You are a worthless piece of shit!” Luke shouted.

JJ tried to run away but Luke tackled him to the ground. Luke got on top of him and started to choke him. JJ tried to choke Luke back.

JJ used his knee to knee Luke in the side. JJ got up but Luke used his hand to grab a hold of his foot and tripped him. Luke started kicking JJ in the stomach and then pulled him up by his hair. There he held him against the wall and punched the living daylights out of him.

JJ and Luke burst through the screen door and JJ came out on top. He started beating up his dad and finally he said, “I ain’t scared of you anymore.”

—————

JJ was embarrassed. He didn’t want to be seen by any of his friends. He was all bruised up and he was hurting all over.

He slowly but surely made his way to the château, wincing with every step he took. Then he saw you laying in the hammock and he was scared of what you might think.

“Jayj,” you called.

He walked over to you and when he reached your spot you gasped. He was littered in bruises and it reminded you of Midsummers where his face was all beat up.

“What happened?” you asked very concerned.

JJ was hesitant with opening up to you. Not that he didn’t trust you he was just scared to be vulnerable. He also didn’t want your pity.

“Um it’s my dad,” JJ smiled weakly.

“JJ.” your voice broke.

In a haste you reached out and pulled JJ in a bone crushing hug. JJ winced causing you to pull back and apologize for hurting him.

“That son of a bitch, i’ll kill him.” You expressed angrily.

“No y/n don’t worry about it. This is not your battle.”

“Yes it is JJ. When it comes to you I’m always gonna fight for you.” you reasoned.

“I don’t deserve it or you.” JJ muttered.

“No what you don’t deserve is getting beaten by your own father.” You said sadly.

“I told you not to worry about it.” JJ responded.

“Well news flash JJ, I care about you a lot, and seeing you hurt breaks my heart.” Your voice wavering.

“Don’t be sad baby, I can’t stand to see you so sad.”

You cracked a small smile, and looked into his crystal blue eyes. You took ahold of his hand running your thumb over his knuckles.

Looking in to your eyes JJ realized something. He realized that it’s always been you. He thought back to Midsummers when he saw you for the first time in your dress. How you looked stunning and he fell in love right then and there.

He thought about all the times the two of you were together. All the lingering touches, the long nights filled with deep talks, all the fun you had together. He thought about how you cared about him and his well-being. He didn’t care that you were a kook at all.

JJ thought about all the times you were there for him. The times when you fell asleep cuddling. How you made him feel. You made his heart race and his palms sweat. You made him feel alive.

It was a no brainer he was picking you.

“I hate seeing you all bruised up, makes me wanna cry.” You responded.

“I’m ok, promise.”

“Come here,” JJ continued and outstretched his hand for you to take.

You gladly accepted his hand and he led you into the château. JJ made his way to his designated room and closed the door.

As soon as the door shut JJ slid his arms around your waist and engulfed you in a hug. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you buried your face in his shoulder.

After your hug of just holding each other, JJ placed his hand on your cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” JJ asked.

“Yes.”

JJ didn’t hesitate, he quickly placed his lips on yours. The kiss was tender and JJ felt sparks, like little mini fireworks were going off in his body. Soon the kiss got heated. You were excited to be kissing JJ. Your lips were capturing each other in a fiery kiss.

Your stomach started to get tingly and JJ felt blood rush through his veins. JJ was still cupping your cheek. Your hands were tangling in JJ’s hair.

JJ moved his hands to go under your shirt and you let out a small moan. JJ warm hands sent shockwaves through your skin. You went to take off you shirt, lifting the garment over your head. JJ eyed you in your bra for a moment than went back to kissing you.

You were stunning and your tits were spilling over your bra and JJ was practically drooling.

“I want this off,” you tugged on JJ’s shirt.

JJ lifted his shirt over his head and you gasped. His stomach was littered in bruises and you wished you never saw it.

Tears filled your eyes as you clamped a hand over your mouth.

“Don’t cry angel, please don’t cry,” JJ begged.

“I’m sorry it’s just I can’t stand to see you hurt or in pain. It makes me so sad and then I get this rage because you deserve so much more than what you were given,” you shared.

“I’m ok, I have you,” JJ smiled.

“JJ…”

“What? It’s fine,” JJ muttered.

“Get on the bed please,” you ordered.

JJ did what he was told and got on the bed. You moved to get on top of him. You were straddling his legs when you decided to kiss each one of his bruises on his stomach and ribs.

JJ let out a shaky breath as you kissed him. When you were done you looked up into his eyes and gave him a smile.

JJ flipped you over so that he was on top of you now.

“Let me make love to you please baby,” JJ requested.

“Ok J.”

So, JJ made you feel amazing and you had the best sex you ever had.

—————

You were on a mission. You were very upset and you needed to find JJ and sort this out. You marched up the steps of the château and found JJ on the couch.

“We need to talk, now.” You demanded.

“Ok let’s go to my room,” JJ replied.

Once you were in the privacy of JJ’s room you let it rip.

“I can’t believe you. How could I be so stupid,” you started.

“What are you talking about?” JJ asked.

“I’m talking about you liking me and Kiara at the same time!” you shouted.

“Oh that,” JJ cringed.

“Yeah that,” you raised your eyebrows at him.

“But I chose you!” JJ exclaimed.

Tears formed in your eyes but you refused to let them fall.

“That doesn’t change the fact you liked her while we were hanging out together.”

“I mean I was falling in love with you and you were thinking about some other girl,” you continued.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry but I want to be with you,” JJ apologized.

“i’ll never forgive you if you break my heart.”

“I won’t.”

“If we’re together and you suddenly decide you want to be with Kiara, I don’t know if I can handle that,” you reasoned.

“I promise I won’t leave you. You’re just gonna have to trust me”

“Jayj.”

“I’m serious y/n, I’m committed to you and I love you,” JJ choked out.

“I love you too,” you smiled weakly.

So, you decided to trust JJ and it was the best decision you ever made. He treated you right he loved you unconditionally and he made you happy.

Your heart did break when you found out from Sarah that JJ liked you and Kiara at the same time but he did choose you in the end. So you forgave him and never looked back.

————

Kiara has been waiting for JJ to make a move for a while now. She thought he would’ve asked her out by now.

When she found out from Sarah that you and JJ were together she was shocked. But she didn’t let that get her down. She dusted herself off and decided she should start dating.

Her and Pope have grown rather close and she wondered if Pope would ever go for her. She wanted to try her luck because nothing with JJ will ever happen.

She knew JJ liked her all this time and she waited for him but he never acted on his feelings. So Kiara decided to move on.

You and JJ loved each other a lot and throughout your relationship you both discovered new sides to yourself. A little while after you and JJ got together, Pope and Kiara got together. Everyone was happy.

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[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 30: Blood

Joel and Tommy run into trouble on patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-29 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Plot points from TLOU2. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7.5k

A/N: Hi y’all, I’m stashing this whole chapter below a jump because it’s been brought to my attention that the major event of this chapter is less common knowledge and more of a spoiler than I really realized it was. There is a major plot point for TLOU2 below. I’m sorry I didn’t tag the whole fic that way (going back to update that now) and I apologize if this spoiled things for people who were trying to go in blind. This is the first chapter with any big overlap and if you want to bow out now, I totally understand. My DMs are open if you want to know more without full spoilers and if there’s a way to keep reading without knowing the plot of TLOU2.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Dina kissed me.” 

“What!” You yelped and Ellie’s eyes went wide before she clamped a hand over your mouth. 

“Shhhh!” She looked around, her breath rising in front of her. But the only people out right now were inside the stable, a good 50 feet behind you and far enough away that you doubted any of them heard you, even if you were loud. “Jesus, Bambi…” 

She released your mouth and you tried not to giggle. 

“Sorry,” you whispered. “Good for you, kiddo! Told you not to count the girl out because she also fucks men…” 

“There’s no way she meant it,” Ellie rolled her eyes. “Get real.” 

“Why not?” You asked, brows raised. “Why shouldn’t she mean it?” 

“Because she’s Dina,” Ellie said, as though that explained everything. You just looked at her and she rolled her eyes again. “She was just trying to stir shit up because her and Jesse split up…” 

“Uh huh.” 

“And I was convenient,” she finished. “That’s it, that’s all it was…” 

“And you know this because you asked her, I’m sure.” 

“Fuck off,” she snapped. “Look, I didn’t drag you out here to figure that shit out…” 

“You sure about that?” 

“I dragged you out here,” she said, ignoring you, “to try and figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.” 

“Kiss her again,” you shrugged. “That’s what I’d do…” 

“I’m being serious!” She hissed at you. “I have to go on patrol with her in like half an hour, what the fuck am I supposed to do?” 

You sighed and smiled a little, putting your hands in the pockets of the coat Joel had given back to you that morning. He said he hadn’t been wearing it but it had to have been hanging close enough to things he did wear and it smelled a bit like him. 

“First, you need to calm down,” you said gently. She looked like she was going to snap at you but you silenced her with a look. “I know it’s hard but regardless of how you want this to turn out, try not to be in your own head about it, OK? She’s still your friend and I’m guessing you want her to stay your friend, right?” 

“Duh.” 

“So eloquent,” you said and she rolled her eyes. “Look, you have two options. You can pretend it never happened and see if she brings it up or you can be up front about it and ask her.” 

“Is there a way to bring it up without looking like a desperate fucking loser?” She asked, brows raised. 

You shrugged. 

“Tough line to walk but I think you’ve got it in you.” 

“Jesus…” 

“Ellie,” you took her shoulders and made her actually face you. “It will be OK. Might be awkward for a bit but it’s not the end of the world. I promise. You can talk to her. She’s your friend for a reason and it’s because you’re kind and you’re smart and you’re funny. Even without the help of Will Livingston. None of that shit changes just because you kissed. Alright?” 

“Yeah,” she said, dropping her head to your shoulder with a heavy sigh. You put your arms around her and gave her a little squeeze but when she pulled back from you, her eyes were narrowed. “You’re in a weirdly good mood.” 

You frowned. 

“No I’m not.” 

“Uh yeah, you are,” she said, stepping back and looking you up and down as though she she were inspecting you. You just raised your eyebrows at her, expectant, when her mouth dropped open for a moment before she shifting to a shit eating grin. 

“Ellie…” 

“You fucked Joel!” 

“We need to have another conversation about the fact that what happens between my legs is none of your business,” you muttered, turning her around to head back toward the stable. 

“No we don’t,” she said. “This is great, you two have been so depressing the last few months…” 

“We have not!” 

“Please,” she rolled her eyes. “You were basically dead for weeks and Joel barely left the house for who knows how long.” 

“That… was less recent,” you said. “And it’s not your job to worry about us so let’s just…” you stopped just short of the stable doors. “How did you know?” 

“Know what?” 

“About…” you lowered your voice. “Joel. Not that I’m admitting to anything.” 

She smirked. 

“That coat’s been hanging in his front closet since you left.” You looked down at yourself and groaned. Her cocky smile grew. “You wanted the coat again. Bingo.” 

“Well just… keep it to yourself, alright?” You said, heading for the door. “I have no idea how to handle this with Savvy yet so cool it for bit. Please.” 

“I can keep my mouth shut you know,” she said as you opened the door to the stable and she went in. She opened her mouth to keep talking but Dina came up to her, smiling, and she froze instead. 

“Hey Ellie,” she smiled a little bigger before looking at you. “Bambi, good to see you.” 

“You too,” you said, clapping Ellie on the shoulder. “Have fun out there.” 

She glared at you over Dina’s shoulder and you just shrugged and winked at her before taking care of the final things you needed to before getting everyone out the door on patrol. 

You seriously considered, for a moment, taking Joel’s hand and just dragging him back home when he told you that you’d be going out separately. Things with him were so raw and delicate and new again. Neglecting it for two days felt dangerous somehow, a tension setting into your limbs before you and Julie headed out. 

You were always last to leave the stables, always waiting until you knew the rest of the patrol was situated even though you knew Olivia could handle things just fine without you. She smiled - a vaguely amused look on her face - as you went back over everything for the third time. 

“I promise, it’s all good,” she said eventually. “Please go focus on killing infected and staying safe and leave managing the horses to me.” 

On the way out of town, you stopped by where the working dogs were kept and asked if you could bring Gatling along, Julie looking a little skeptical as the dog jumped on Renaissance and settled between your legs, her head draped over your bicep. 

“Used to ride like this with her all the time,” you said, kissing the top of the dog’s head. Gatling licked her lips once and curved her body into yours as you sat back in the saddle to make sure she had room. “I’ll let her down once we’re good and underway, she’ll keep up. She’s great at spotting infected and I’m guessing she could be a great patrol dog once we get her adjusted to working with more than just me…” 

“She definitely looks like she can hold her own,” Julie said, watching as Gatling started scanning the horizon, her ears perked and listening, ready to jump off your horse and run down any apparent threat. “What kind of dog is she, anyway?” 

“She’s a Belgian Malinois,” you said, giving her a scratch behind the ears. “They were police and military dogs before. She saved my ass from infected more than once and she kept my girl alive when I couldn’t…” You kissed her head again and she turned to lick your cheek before going back to watching for threats. “She’s a good girl.” 

“Good to know I’ve got someone out here who can really watch my back,” Julie teased lightly. “Not sure I trust you to do it…” 

“Why not?” You asked, gaping at her. “I’m a great shot, keep you alive no problem…” 

“You forget I saw you trying to show Ellie and Savvy how to shoot a basketball that one time,” she smiled a cocky smile. “You barely hit the backboard…” 

“OK shooting a basketball is a completely different animal,” you waved her off. “Where it counts, my aim is solid. Saved Tommy once.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“It’s true,” you said, nudging Renaissance a little faster. “Ask Joel…” 

“Joel, hm?” She brought her horse alongside yours. “Things happening there?” 

You tried to hide your smile but felt the edges of your mouth curve up, anyway. 

“Good for you!” Julie said. “Both because you’re my friend and I want you to be happy but also because I like being right and goddammit, if I’m going to get shot down for a man of all people at least it’s a man I was right about.” 

You laughed a little before you remembered you had things weren’t just magically fixed with Joel yet.

“Do me a favor and don’t mention it to anyone?” You said, looking down at Gatling. “I need to tell Savvy…” 

The dog looked up to you at the mention of her name and you gave her a small scratch. 

“Oh, right,” Julie winced a bit. “Yeah, that might be rough.” 

“Yeah,” you sighed heavily. “I need to figure out a way to do this without losing both of them. I can’t do that again, I just… I can’t.” 

“You’ll figure it out,” she said gently. “It will be OK. Just have to believe it, it’ll happen.” 

“I’ll do my best,” you smiled a little at her. “How’s shit with Karen, by the way?” 

“Oh God,” she laughed. “I’m not sure how much I should tell you…” 

The patrol was easy enough until the snow started flying. It was still, the two of you talking, Gatling sometimes running ahead and acting more like a puppy than you remembered her being before, making you smile. It felt like if she could be like this - young and free and more than what survival had made her - so could Savvy. She would get there someday. You could get her back and make her understand once she was ready. 

Once the snow picked up, you and Julie decided to hunker down instead of pressing on to what was meant to be your final spot for the day. Though you were pretty sure you were only an hour or so shy of it if the weather weren’t working against you. 

“OK this is bullshit is what this is,” Julie said as she stomped snow off her boots and shook it out of her hair. You laughed a little as you got a fire going in the fireplace of the old house you’d reached for the night. It was just at the edge of a small subdivision, a spot you’d ridden past before but never spent much time in. The two of you had gotten the horses settled in the garage and Julie had done a quick walk around the immediate area to make sure there were no threats before coming in to settle for the night. “White, fluffy bullshit.” 

“Not getting you in the holiday spirit?” You teased. “Thanksgiving is coming up, Christmas right after that…” 

“Yeah, I’m already counting down until spring,” she said, shucking her coat and joining you by the fire. “I can only live with this for so long.” 

“I kinda like it,” you said as the fire caught the larger log and you watched it start to go up. “I like that seasons actually change here. It definitely made it easier to mark the passage of time when I didn’t have a calendar.” 

“Well I guess when you put it that way,” she sighed dramatically and you laughed. “But now that you’re in Jackson, we’ll keep you straight on the passage of time. The snow can go.” 

Julie had brought a bottle of whiskey from the Bison - “A perk of the job,” she said - and you were reminded of sleepovers when you were in high school when you and your friends would swipe booze from your parents’ liquor cabinets and get drunk around a bonfire. 

“I feel like we’re going to regret this in the morning,” you said, snug in your sleeping bag on the floor as the fire dimmed, head fuzzy and limbs tingling from the alcohol. Gatling’s head rested on your stomach.

“We can just sleep in a bit,” she scoffed and you heard her adjust on the couch. “What are they gonna do, fire us from patrol for running late? Doubt it.”

You laughed a little. 

“Guess there’s not much to contend with out there right now, anyway,” you said, closing your eyes. “Been quiet as hell all day. Doubt it’ll change overnight.” 

“It’d better not,” she said, sounding sleepy. “Better not be more snow, either.” 

You laughed once. 

“Better snow than infected,” you said. “Or raiders.” 

She didn’t respond and the room was quiet for a moment before you heard a soft snore coming from the couch. 

You laughed and then sighed, pulling a hand from the sleeping bag to scratch Gatling behind the ears. She sighed and curled up tighter to you. 

“It’s gonna be different when we go back,” you whispered to her, absently stroking one of her soft ears. “You can still come home with me, though. Maybe sleep with Savvy instead for a bit. I’m sure you miss her.” 

You tried to think about how to tell Savvy about Joel. It would have been a hard conversation under any circumstance, you thought. Not one you’d ever thought you’d need to have when you’d started caring for her. The idea of being with anyone long term then had been so foreign it hadn’t even crossed your mind. After Marisa, you’d given up on that. Just the occasional lover when there was a woman around who was interested as she was passing through had been enough. 

But Jackson was different. Joel was different. You had safety and security in Jackson and you loved Joel in a way you’d never thought you’d find, especially not after spending so long alone. But how could you tell Savvy something that you knew would hurt her? How could you tell her anything at all when she hadn’t spoken to you in weeks? 

“She’s gonna come around, right?” You whispered to Gatling. You felt her lick her lips and sigh against you. You closed your eyes but left your hand on the dog. “I’ll get her to trust me again. I will.” 

When the pounding on the front door woke you up, you were barely even aware you’d been asleep. But it was daylight outside and Gatling was standing near the front door, crouched low and snarling. 

“Wha…” Julie lifted her head, a groggy look on her face. 

“I got it,” you said, head spinning as you shoved your way out of your sleeping bag. “You stay put.”

“Thank fuck,” she groaned, dropping her head back on the couch and draping her arm over her eyes. You laughed and shook your head, going for the door. 

“Gatling.” The dog looked up at you, ready to obey. “Heel.” 

She fell back from the door and went to your leg, still tight against you, as you opened the door. 

“Glad I found you,” Gene, Jesse’s patrol partner said, pushing past you into the house without waiting for an invitation. “It’s a mess out there…” 

“That’s why we stopped here for the night,” you said, leaving the door open and nodding to Gatling, who immediately ran outside to pee. You waited by the door and let her back in, the dog sticking to your side again. 

“We can’t be that late getting out of here,” Julie grumbled, sitting up and pinching the bridge of her nose. “Not that it’s not just a blast to see you, Gene…” 

“We’re missin’ people,” he said, more to you than Julie. 

“What?” You frowned, crossing your arms over your chest, the after effects of the alcohol suddenly fading fast. “What do you mean we’re missing people, who are we missing?” 

“Joel and Tommy,” he said. “They never made it where they were supposed to last night and we can’t find ‘em….” 

“They probably stopped for the night like we did,” Julie waved him off. “Did you not see the weather last night? It was a shit show…” 

“Probably,” Gene nodded. “But they’d have made it there by now and we didn’t see them comin’ back down, either. No sign of ‘em. Ellie and Dina weren’t where they were supposed to be, either, but we at least found a fuckin’ trail for them, sent Jesse on to get them back in one piece…” 

You were already moving to put your boots on, heart pounding, Gatling giving you a small whine. You put a handful of jerky on the ground for her and refilled her water dish before you started packing up your sleeping bag. 

“I’m sure they’re fine…” Julie said, actually sitting up in the sleeping bag now, her legs pulled into her chest and watching you closely. 

“We should split up,” you said, pulling on your coat. “Cover more ground…”  

“Don’t know if that’s smart…” Gene began but you cut him off. 

“I can handle myself,” you said, harsher than you’d really meant to. “I’ve got Gatling, I’ve got my guns, I’ve got my axe. That’s all I had for 20 damn years and I made it just fine then. If you’re worried, you and Julie can stick together but I’m not gonna sit here and talk about how to minimize risk when they’re out there dealing with who knows what…” 

“Bambi,” Julie said gently, getting off the couch and taking you by the shoulders. “It’s OK.” 

“No,” you shook your head. “It’ll be OK when I find him in one piece, then it’ll be OK, I’m not…” 

“Gene and I will go one way,” she cut you off. “You and Gatling go the other. We’ll cover more ground. OK?” 

Gene sighed, looking between the two of you. 

“You got a death wish, don’t make me stop you,” he said gruffly. “Gonna go get my horse some water, we can head out.” 

You watched him go, a nervous energy coursing through your body. 

“Hey,” Julie said, taking your face carefully in her hands and making you look at her. “It is OK. It’s Joel and Tommy. They’re very, very good at this. They’re OK.” 

There was a pinch of tears at the back of your throat that you had to fight to swallow past. She took your hands, giving them a squeeze. 

“I can’t lose him now,” your voice was thick. “I just got him back, I can’t…” 

“I know,” she said softly, a sad smile on her face and you were struck, for a moment, by just how pretty she was. She pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, her lips lingering on your skin for a second, before she pulled back. “We’ll find him. We will.” 

“Thank you,” you nodded and took a deep breath, one tear slipping free, before looking down at your dog who was watching, ready and waiting. 

“Gatling, heel.” 

She moved to be immediately with you and you went to the garage, quickly saddling your horse and mounting up. You called Gatling up and she settled at the front of your saddle, already watching for incoming threats with her ears perked as you set off. 

You pushed Renaissance harder than you should have through the deep snow, trying to reach some part of Joel and Tommy’s patrol path so you could find some sense of where they might have gone. 

It wasn’t long before you found the path cut by a group of infected. A large one, judging by the footprints in the snow. You didn’t see a sign of Joel or Tommy but the swath of disturbed snow and brush from the hoard as so thorough you doubted you’d be able to tell if two horses had come that way, too. And, knowing Tommy and Joel, they’d have tracked the infected…

You looked higher for a moment, above where people would disturb branches and realized some branches on trees were clean of snow - too high for a person to bump on their own but just the height a tall man on horseback would hit. 

“Goddammit,” you muttered, steering Renaissance in that direction and pushing her on. 

The horse was breathing hard and heavy when you reached a mansion outside the normal patrol area, fully gated with piles of dead infected outside. You looked through your binoculars and saw tracks from the horses leading inside. But something about it set you on edge. Something wasn’t right. 

You commanded Gatling down and tied Renaissance to a tree that provided at least some shelter. 

“Back soon,” you said quietly, giving her a scratch and offering her an apple from your pack. You made sure your weapons were loaded, rifle at the ready, handgun and knife at your hip, axe across your back. Gatling looked at you, licking her lips once, waiting for a command. 

“Gatling, heel,” you said. “Hunt.” 

She latched onto your side like glue, crouched lower and keeping her mouth closed and you moved as quickly as you could for the gates of the mansion. 

There was no one guarding the place that you could see but you closed the gate behind you. If that had been enough to keep infected out before, you weren’t about to argue with it now. There were signs of plenty of people here, footprints of various sizes all heading for shelter inside. You tried not to think about the fact that you might have to torture information out of someone who left those footprints. If they had taken Joel and Tommy’s horses, you’d have to work quick to find what they knew so you could get to them. Torture could be the best option and, if it meant saving their lives, it was a price you were happy to pay. Because they had to still be alive, they had to be. 

The mansion was dark and almost eerily still. It reminded you of some of the places you’d visited when dropping of horses you’d trained to be trail animals for rich assholes before the outbreak, the trappings of extreme wealth couched in some idyllic, fictional version of the wild west. People who in places like this couldn’t handle the real thing. Real wildness would chew them up and spit them out. 

You crept through the house, looking for some sign of people, too afraid to call for Joel and Tommy and potentially bring down who knows how many people on you when you heard it, an agonized cry in a voice you knew, one you knew better than almost anyone else. 

“Joel,” you breathed, and you were running, Gatling at your heels. 

You knew that you should stop, assess, try to form a plan but he screamed again and you plowed ahead. A plan didn’t matter, all that mattered was one thing: getting to Joel. 

You had to get to him. 

He had to be OK. 

He had to be. 

*** 

Joel knew what it was like to die. 

He’d come close enough enough times over the years. Even before the apocalypse began he had a few near shaves. A fall off a ladder at a job site and the thought of “this is it” as he crashed down, the contemplation of what would happen with his daughter if he was gone, if he’d done enough to make it that she would be OK. A car accident that knocked him out and disoriented him enough that, for a moment in the hospital, he thought he was dead. 

The times since had been different, more acute. For a while, it felt like dying would have been a mercy. There was some innate biology that kept his body pushing to survive when his mind saw death as a welcome outcome when he got stabbed or shot when he was taking what he needed to survive or getting the shit kicked out of him when he got overrun smuggling. 

This, though, was something else. He didn’t want to die anymore, not really. He had you and Ellie and even Savvy. He had a reason to live now - live, not just survive - and he wanted it, wanted that life that was hanging there, so tantalizingly close on the horizon as heat of his blood pooled around him. 

He still wasn’t entirely sure what happened, how he’d ended up here like this. He’d reached the girl he’d seen through the binoculars as she damn near got bit, he’d shot the infected and pulled her up just as its teeth were getting close to her neck. 

“We gotta move!” Tommy yelled, shooting another infected. 

Joel gave the girl a once over as quick as he could. 

“You bit?” He asked. She was panting for breath but shook her head. “Got a gun?” She nodded. “Good, let’s go.” 

He tucked her behind him and led the way, trying to find a way through and out. There were dozens of infected, riled up and searching for something to sink their teeth into, desperate for someone to turn. 

“Shouldn’t be this damn many!” Tommy yelled as they scrambled back toward the horses. “Why are there this damn many?” 

“Worry about that later!” Joel snapped, dragging the girl along behind him. She stopped and shot two that were getting too close for comfort and, even in that moment, Joel could appreciate that she was a good shot. “We have to get the fuck away from here, try and lose ‘em…” 

“Think we can get all the way back to town?” Tommy asked, reloading his gun. 

“Hell no,” Joel shook his head. “Need to find somewhere else to hole up…” 

“My friends,” the girl said, looking between the two of them. “We’ve been staying at a mansion, not far from here. It’s got a fence around it, we’ve got the perimeter secure, if we can get there we’ll have help…” 

Joel and Tommy looked at each other. It was unlikely a girl this young would be running with raiders, more likely a group just passing through as they headed for the coast from a QZ. Tommy shrugged and Joel looked back to her. 

“Right,” he said. “We’ll head there, we got horses outside, you can ride with me and just tell us where to go. I’m Joel, that’s my brother Tommy, we’re from a settlement a few hours from here…” 

“Joel,” she said, something shifting in her eyes when she said it. 

“Right,” Joel said, not paying much attention. That seemed stupid, now. But he’d been so worried about Ellie, about you, about getting out of there to make sure you both were OK. “What’s your name, kiddo?” 

“Abby,” she said, an odd twinge in her voice. “My… I’m Abby.” 

They made it to the horses by the skin of their damn teeth, infected at their heels the whole way. 

The kid was right, at least. The mansion was secure, her friends clearing the area with molotov cocktails, infected burning just outside the gates. 

“Jesus Christ that was close,” Tommy laughed, clapping Joel on the shoulder. “Fuck, ain’t come that close in a while…” 

“Couldn’t get a good look at ‘em,” Joel said, looking back at the burning bodies. “See any bullet holes? Any sign they might have run into the girls?” 

Tommy’s giddy smile over surviving faded and he gave Joel’s shoulder a squeeze. 

“I’m sure they’re alright, Joel,” he said. “Shit, Bambi’s a deadeye. And you taught Ellie everything you know. They probably didn’t even come across these fuckers and if they did, they’re fine. They’re fine, both have made it through worse than a few infected…” 

“We should get inside,” Abby said, looking more at one of her friends than at Joel. “Now.” 

Things seemed normal then. Tommy was trying to get the group to come back to Jackson, Joel was worrying about you and Ellie. 

And then they introduced themselves to the group and it shifted. Just like it had with Abby, the change sudden and sharp. 

“Y’all act like you’ve heard of us or somethin’,” Joel said, thinking it was a joke. His mind was still elsewhere, still on you, still on Ellie, still on making sure you both were OK. He wanted to be back in Jackson, back in his quiet house, back in bed with you, pillows actually brought up from the living room and you close enough that he could trace little patterns over your soft skin. 

“Because they have.” 

He didn’t even see the shot coming, didn’t have a chance to warn Tommy to run, his brother on the ground - unconscious? Dead? He wasn’t sure - before he could even think. Joel screamed as the bullet tore through his leg and he went down, straining to get to Tommy through the pain but they swarmed him, these kids his brother had just been trying to talk into coming back to Jackson. They held him down, his back to a wall as Abby knelt in front of him, her face twisted into a snarl. She looked so different than she had when he’d first spotted her, alone and afraid and cornered the way he was now. 

“Joel Miller,” her teeth were gritted, the rifle tight in her grip. 

“Who are you?” He managed, pulling against the people at his arms, people who looked like kids, fucking kids. 

“Guess.” 

“Look,” he grunted and gave his arms a yank but they thrust him back against the glass. “Don’t know what I did to ya but I know I didn’t do it on purpose. Done a lot of shit in my time but I don’t hurt kids and you’re a bunch of kids…” 

“You kill my dad on purpose?” She pressed the barrel of the gun to his chin. “You slaughter a whole hospital of people who were just trying to save humanity on purpose?”

Joel’s stomach dropped. Of course. Of course saving Ellie would come back for him. Of course now that he finally had a life that was worth living it was getting ripped away for the one thing he couldn’t regret. 

“I did what I had to do,” he said, trying to free himself again, even though he knew it was futile. “But it was just me. Do what you need to do, make whatever speech you got saved up, but leave my brother out of it.” 

She squared her jaw, a look of disgust on her face as she got to her feet. She shoved her gun into the hands of the man - barely a man, almost still a boy, Joel thought - beside her. 

“Tourniquet his leg,” she snapped. The others looked around, hesitating. “Do it!” 

She stalked off as another girl obeyed, Joel trying not to scream through the pain as she tightened the belt around his leg. His head was still spinning when she came back into view, a golf club in her hands. 

“You don’t get to ask me for a damn thing,” she looked at him with so much rage, so much hate that, for a moment, he pitied her. That someone so young was so angry and in so much pain, that her father had cast his lot in with a bunch of child killers and paid with his life, leaving her alone, was tragic. “And you don’t get to rush this.” 

She jerked her head toward the people holding him in place and they looked at each other for a moment before stepping back. He tried to move but his leg was fucking useless and Abby swung the club, catching him in the arm before she forced him all the way to the floor with a pained cry. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been here now. Consciousness was hazy. So was the feeling in his limbs. At times, it was like he was floating, far outside his body and somewhere far softer and warmer and kinder than here. Part of him was back in his living room, almost a year ago now, on Christmas Eve when it was just you and him and he buried himself inside the hot clutch of your body by the glow of the holiday lights. He was lost in the feel of you, so soft and warm below him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt closer to another person in his life, lacing his fingers with yours and looking into your eyes as you came. He’d promised to take care of you then and he’d meant it, he’d meant it so far beyond that moment inside of you, he’d meant it for the rest of his life he’d take care of you. 

He just hadn’t thought it would be so soon. 

At least, he thought, he’d made things right with you. At least he’d gotten to tell you that he loved you again, at least he wasn’t dying wondering if you could ever have forgiven him. At least things were right with Ellie, at least she’d loved him again and she’d let him love her the way she deserved to be loved. At least she had you and Savvy now, people who would love her that way, too, and make sure she was OK. She was going to need someone to make sure she was OK when he was gone, she was so stubborn and she tried to be so much stronger than she needed to be. She needed someone. So did you. 

At least he’d get to be with Sarah again. She was so much closer now than she’d been before, barely out of reach now, somewhere quiet and safe and peaceful. Just far enough away that what was happening now couldn’t reach her. At least she wasn’t seeing this. At least you and Ellie weren’t seeing this.

Something shifted in the room, the club not landing on Joel’s body again, chaos drawing him back into his body again. 

Everything hurt, like he’d been put through a meat grinder. He wasn’t sure he’d ever hurt this much, at least not physically. Every breath was pain. He’d been lying here long enough that some of the blood pooling around his legs had gone cold. 

There was a vicious snarl, the crack of a gunshot and he realized, suddenly, what happened. 

“Gatling!” He could barely adjust his head enough to see where you were. Your rifle was on the ground but so was the only other gun Joel remembered seeing in the room. Your axe was tight in your hands as you threw one of the men back with a roar. You kicked the guns at your feet behind you and pointed to Joel and snapped your fingers. “Guard!” 

The dog ran to him and crouched around his body, hunched low, snarling and barking. You screamed and Joel struggled to see what was happening, tried to get up but he was only able to make it a few inches off the ground before he collapsed back down, his body too broken to properly obey. You were so close, you were in trouble and he tried to focus on it. He had to get you out of here, he had to take care of you, he’d promised to take care of you. He was supposed to protect you, that’s what he was built to do and he was failing. 

“Gatling, bite!” Your command was more of a shriek, sharp and fearful.

The dog shot away from him for a moment, a snarl followed by a pained wail and Joel could see enough to make out that the animal had tackled someone near you as you scrambled to your feet, more of them coming for you. Joel tried again to move but his injured leg gave out that time, collapsing below him before he could put even half his weight on it. 

“Gatling, release!” The screaming stopped and he heard another snap. “Guard!” 

The dog went back to him, snarling and snapping and 

“Bambi!” 

Joel turned his head too quick to the door, his neck screaming in pain, to see Ellie standing there, her eyes wide.

“Ellie!” He yelled through gritted teeth. 

“Go!” You screamed at her, bringing your axe around, swinging wide on another person coming for you, just catching their arm. “Get help, get Jesse! Go!” 

You circled toward the door, axe up, daring any of them to try to follow her. 

“You’re not a part of this!” Abby prowled toward you. “Don’t make me kill you, too.” 

“He’s a part of this so I am, too,” you panted. “If you wanna try and kill me, you better do it quick and you better be damn sure you do it right because the second I’m down, that dog will rip your throats out one by fucking one. She’s done it before, I’ve seen it. You’ll have to kill me - which she won’t take lyin’ down - and get to the guns behind me to take her down. She works quick, hell of a lot quicker than me. If you’re fightin’ both of us, you don’t stand a chance. You that confident? I am. So is she.” 

Gatling snarled as if on cue. 

“Other option is to get the fuck out of here,” you said. Joel could just see you around the dog, blood dripping from your side, lip split open. “We got backup comin’, we’re from a settlement of hundreds and we’ve fought off raiders and infected for fuckin’ years, think we can handle a band of fucking children without much trouble. This worth dyin’ for? Right now, I got your death warrant. Up to you if I sign it.” 

“Abby,” one of the men said. “Let’s go.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She snapped. “You want to just go? Now? Let him live?” 

Gatling snarled again. 

“You’re runnin’ short on time!” You growled, teeth clenched tight. “Now or never!” 

“You lost control of the situation,” the man hissed. “We’re not all dying for your fucking revenge mission.” 

She turned toward Joel and he watched the hatred and the rage move through her. He watched her think about bringing the club down one more time, just to see if she could land a final, killing blow before the dog struck hers. She moved a fraction of an inch toward him and Gatling adjusted, a vicious bark and a snarl ripping from her. 

“He wouldn’t want you to die for this,” the man said quietly, so low Joel doubted you could hear. “And Miller probably won’t survive this, anyway. It’s done. Let’s go.” 

“Fine,” she bit out, throwing the club aside. Joel tried his best to follow her with his eyes, praying that she wouldn’t go for you. Once the people had moved away from him toward you and the door, you called Gatling to you, the dog standing between you and the aggressors, snarling and threatening. They left, watching you closely, without a word.

The door closed and you dropped the axe, grabbing a gun from behind you on the ground and limping for Joel, blood dripping down your leg. 

“Joel,” you fell to your knees beside him. He tried to say something but all that left him was a pained moan. “You’re OK, I’ve got you, you’re alright…” 

“Tommy,” he managed, panting for breath. “Check… Tommy….” 

“OK,” you said softly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Gatling, guard.” 

You snapped your fingers and pointed to Joel again. The dog obediently came and positioned herself between him and the door, body like a coiled spring ready to attack. You went to Tommy and checked his pulse before adjusting him. Joel heard him groan and you said something he couldn’t quite make out before you were back to him, a bag with you this time. 

“They’ve gotta have something in here,” you said, ripping through the contents. 

“Baby…” 

“Tommy’s alright,” you said, glancing at Joel before going back to the bag. “He’s comin’ around. Ellie will be back soon, she’s bringing help, it’s going to be OK Joel, it is…” 

“Baby.” 

“Hush.” 

You found what you were looking for, a bag with some medical stuff inside. You set it nearby and looked over Joel’s back, wincing as you did. 

“Need to look at the front of you, too,” you said. “I’m going to roll you over, alright?” 

“Baby…” 

“Shut up, Joel.” 

Your hands shook and he cried out in pain as you moved him onto his back, flinching when you saw his leg.

“Jesus,” you whispered. “What’d they do to you?” 

“Baby,” he said again, managing to lift a hand enough to almost reach your face. You took it, gently guiding his bloody palm the rest of the way to your cheek as you leaned down into it. “You’re bleedin’.” 

“Oh,” you looked down at yourself. “It’s fine, I’ll be fine…” 

“Need to take care,” he had to stop for a second, grinding his teeth through the pain as it wracked his body. It took him a moment to catch his breath. “Care of yourself. I’m… I can’t make it back, not like this…” 

“Shut up, Joel.” 

“Promised to protect you,” he said, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. “Lemme do it.” 

“Protect me later,” you said, setting his hand down and ripping the bag of medical gear open with your teeth. “Going to put bandages on your leg, see if we can let the tourniquet off, save the leg…” 

“Baby.”

“Shut UP, Joel!” 

He watched you work for a moment and you felt farther and farther away with every breath. He could feel himself fading and he wished you’d just stop, that you’d take care of yourself and just hold him while he could still feel you. 

“Need you to look after Ellie,” he said as you wound bandages around his thigh. “She’s gonna act like she doesn’t need anyone but she does and…”

“And she has you,” you cut him off with a glare. “So it doesn’t matter.” 

You released the tourniquet on his leg and it was more of a relief than he’d expected it to be, the pain of it fading to a dull enough roar that he’d forgotten it was there until the weight of it was lifted. 

“Gotta get this spot at your side, too…” you adjusted his shirt and leaned over him and he got a better look at your own side, a bright red splotch growing on your shirt, a long gash going from your ribs down toward your stomach. 

“You’re bleedin’, sweetheart.” 

“I know,” you said. “Getting you fixed up first…” 

“Baby.” 

“Joel, I swear…” 

“Need to get you and Tommy back,” he needed to stop for a second to catch his breath, the rise and fall of his chest straining his ribs. “Can’t… can’t die knowin’…” 

“You’re not dying here,” you snapped, your voice thick. “I just got you back, you’re not dying here, you’re coming home and you’re going to be OK and…” 

You sat back, looking at the spot on his side that you’d just bandaged, wiping your nose on the back of your wrist as you did. 

“Gotta take care of yours now,” he said, eyes tracing the spot at your side. But you shook your head. 

“Outta gauze.” 

“Baby…” 

“It’s not that bad,” you sniffed. “I’ll just… hold pressure until Ellie gets back. It’s OK, you’re gonna be OK, I can’t….” 

“Here,” he ground his teeth, breathing through another wave of pain. “Lay… lay with me. Cut side up, keep the blood from flowin’ too easy.” 

You looked at him for a moment before nodding and lying delicately next to him. He adjusted as best he could so he could see you, touch you. You’d been hit in the face at least twice, one of your eyes swelling shut and your lip split open. But you were still beautiful, so damn beautiful. 

“I’m so sorry baby,” he said softly. 

“Joel…” 

“Wanted… wanted so much more time with you and the girls,” he said quietly. Your skin was soft, so soft it seemed like the sensation of it might be the only thing holding him to the earth. “I’m so sorry we’re not gettin’ that…” 

“Stop talking like that,” you were crying now, not making any attempt to stop it. 

“It’ll be OK sweetheart,” he said. “You’ll… you’ll be alright. Ellie’s gonna need you, keep an eye on her for me. Keep her outta trouble. Savvy, too. She loves you… she’ll… she’ll come around…” 

“Joel,” you whispered, reaching out to cup his face, your fingers in his curls, one of the only places on his body he wasn’t bleeding. 

“I’m so happy we made things right,” he said, his eyes searching yours. He wondered, if he watched you closely enough, if he could bring the precise color of them with him wherever he was going. “I love you so damn much, sweetheart. Need you to know that, OK? I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you breathed. Your skin was so soft and your breath was warm on his skin. “I love you. I love you.” 

You said it again and again. It was the last thing Joel heard before he passed out. 

Next Chapter

A/N: Hi y'all ❤️

Again, begging for you to trust me, OK? OK.

I do love you but... feel free to yell at me in the comments or in my asks or DMs. I'll be responding to asks about the last chapter soon now that this one is up.

Thanks for going on this crazy ride with me!! It truly means the world.

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #tlou2 spoilers

[romana-after-dark]

Tell Me (Repost)

Dark!Miguel O'hara x fem!reader

Masterlist : Taglist

I posted this months ago and by the morning it only had like 6 likes by the morning lmfao and this was during the peak of Miguel days and I thought "wow this must be terrible" so I deleted it. However, it did well on AO3 so i decided to just report it.

Miguel tries to extract information from you via any means necessary DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

OH MY GOD DO NOT EAT IF YOU DONT LIKE DEAD DOVES

This is not like The Wrong Way where Joel alternates between horrific and soft. THIS IS JUST PLAIN DDDNE.

WARNINGS!!!!: DDDNE!!! Rape, non con, torture, verbal humiliation, degradation, forced anal, biting (fang baby), literally idk what got into me here, it's literally porn with no plot. I almost always have so much plot. Victim blaming, psychological torture, I want to reiterate its literally rape. I wanted to write for Miguel bc he's a hottie and spiderverse was amazing but lets be honest, its pretty popular on tumblr rn. However, I refuse to write without inspiration, so I won't just write something just bc it's popular. Besides, this may have gotten so far on the dark side it's not even gonna be liked XD anyway, i had genuine inspiration and I went with it. All apoligies.

700 words

*****************************

“Tell me.” Miguel O’hera grabbed your throat as you hung from the ceiling. He had been trying for hours to extract the information he wanted, using multiple forms of torture and you were exhausted, but refused to tell him what he wanted. When his hands began trailing your body, you knew the next method would be psycho-sexual.

“I’m not…” You gasp as a finger grazes over your tit. “I’m not telling you anything…”

“Hm.” was his non committal answer before cutting your ropes, watching you tumble onto the concrete. “I guess we’ll see.”

Only taking a moment to breath, you try to scramble away, but to where you aren’t sure. There’s nowhere to go, and a large man climbs on top of you hold your wrists together in on fist as his other undid his pants. You writhe underneath him, but screaming is useless.

“Get off me!” You kick and twist and scrape up your whole body that's exposed in the bra and underwear you were left hanging in, the cold floor ice against your skin. “GET OFF!”

“Oh, I’ll get off alright…” Miguel mumbles as he rips your bra off. “Tell me what I want to know, and I’ll stop.”

You weren’t sure you believed him, but you didn’t want to give up the information. Even as he strips off his pants, his insanely large frame keeps you pinned to the floor. There is no escape.

Miguel mumbles and scoffed ‘fine’ and two hands rip off your underwear, tossing the scraps aside. You scream as he pushes his fat tip into you, ripping you open slowly, slowly… allowing you to feel every inch, every vain, every hard and warm and pulsing part of him. “You can still stop this, carino.”

“No!” You whimper, deadset and determined to stay strong. You wouldn’t let him break you.

“Have it your way.” Dragging his hips back, Miguel pauses before he thrusted into you band fucks you mercilessly, you can feel the raw pain of him sliding in and out of you as you cry out, initially dry. The most humiliating part, however, came after several minutes of hm trying to coax the information out of you, slapping your face until your mouth bled, when he began laughing. “Oh my god, are you getting wet from this? So fucking pathetic.” 

Miguel looked down on you, your body wracked with pain and jolting with each thrust, he could practically feel your will breaking. “You probably enjoy this, do you play out scenarios like this with some pathetic little dicked man? Does it turn you on, knowing you have no choice? Little whore been fucked so many times she needs to feel like she’s being forced just to get wet?” His chuckle was dark and cruel as he continued to taunt you, your tears falling down your bloodied and bruised face. 

“You’re lucky I’m even touching this used up cunt.” Miguel leans over, licking at the tears and blood and spit on your face. “Tell me, and I’ll stop fucking your pussy. TELL ME!” He screams, painfully loud in your ear.

You break, telling him what he wanted. There wasn’t a part of you that really believed he’d stop, so you were surprised when he pulled out.

When he rolled you over, you began to ask. “What are you-” but are cut off by him ramming his cock up your ass. “FUCK!!!” You scream. He wasn’t lying, he did stop abusing your pussy, only to rip our asshole open.

“God, look at you…” Miquel sat back to admire his work, smirking at the way your ass contracted and spread around his thick cock. “I’d say you were made for me, but…” Chuckling, he slaps your ass. “But I can see how much you’re struggling to make room for me. No ones ever fucked you like this, have they? You should be thanking me.” Fangs dug sharply into your shoulder, drawing out more blood. “SAY THANK YOU!” Your ears rang with his screamed words, before another bite. “SAY IT!” He bit and screamed and bit and screamed until you finally cave.

“Thank you!” You sob, and he cums inside your ass with a loud, strangled groan.

Only when you shudder from the cold do you realize he’s gotten off you, his impossibly wide frame no longer covering you. Miguel tosses you a blanket, muttering something about how he may just have to keep you now.

******************

Eeeeeep well if you like it, please consider rebloging or leaving a comment!

#miguel ohara reader #miguel o'hara reader #miguel o'hara #dark miguel o'hara #dddne #non con #tw noncon #miguel ohara smut #miguel o'hara smut #miguel ohara x reader #miguel spiderverse #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel o hara #dark

[kiragecko]

cherrystainedknuckles

I guess the only problem with being asked to take a “marie kondo approach” is that in order to find any fanfic that appears to be based in actual canon timeline and plot points and characterization (which does exist, and I’m not sure why fanon fans seem insistent that it doesn’t), I literally have to search for hours. I’m not joking, I consistently make fic rec lists, and I have to search for hours and hours for actual canonical basis. same thing with character tags on tumblr.

I’m not saying fanon fans have to stop enjoying fanon or making up their own content. I’m just saying that when the tags used for both fanon tim drake and canon tim drake are the same tag it just becomes incredibly annoying sometimes, and I understand why people who like to engage with canon (me, often) become frustrated

-

I have definitely had periods where I got incredibly frustrated with fanon! Around 2019, I was wondering if I needed to leave the Batfandom, because it had been so long since I read a new fic where the characters felt 'right'.

-

But, if you're willing to, I'd like you to consider what you mean when you divide 'fanon' from 'canon'. Because I struggle to find a hard line between the two, for several reasons:

1. Fandom is transformative. Every fanfic is going to have some interpretation of the source material. The line between what is too much interpretation and what is acceptable is different for every person. For me, I find it can even vary based on writing style or other odd things - lighthearted fic can have more noncanonical stuff in it than heavier fic, and still seem true to canon.

2. 'Canon' is subjective. I do not consider the movies or video games to be 'canon', and it annoys me when things from those creep into the fic I'm reading. (I'm okay with SOME Battinson.) Some aspects of the cartoons are okay. I consider precrisis Jason Todd to be an alternate reality version, but Donna's precrisis origins are more canonical than the dumb retcons. Wayne Family Adventures isn't my main version of the characters, but I'm not bothered if some elements show up in my stories. I'm ignoring most of the nu52, but I like Duke and I'm still watching this new Lian to see what happens. I doubt your divisions are identical to mine.

(Also, some things that I think of as 'fanon' have shown up in nu52 canon! I do not accept them as any more canon because of this.)

3. Most 'fanon' is based on canon. Canon Tim has weird sleep habits. 90s Dick is really lighthearted and joking around some characters in ways similar to fanon. Dick can canonically not be trusted to take care of himself if his mental health gets low enough. Jason likes classical literature. Etc.

These are exaggerated and/or twisted in a lot of fic, but where is the line where they stop being canon? I wouldn't bat an eye at a lot of this stuff, if it didn't show up SO OFTEN.

4. Most 'fanon fans' do know some canon. What line are you going to set where it will be 'enough'. And are they allowed to mention parts of the canon they haven't read yet? Is anyone allowed to talk about Dick's early Robin days, or only the tiny amount of people who have read the golden age stuff? A lot of the 'mistakes' I see are obviously made by people who have read ABOUT canon, but don't know quite how it fits together.

5. 'Canon' is FULL of contradictions. Yes, there are canon events. Yes, there is characterization that is consistent across 3/4s of comics. But. I'm still working on my sidekick timeline. I've devoted days to figuring out ages and passage of time. I've spent over a decade trying to figure out Jason Todd's motivations, and why Tim treats him the way he does. I've read all the 90s and early 2000s CANONICAL character assassination of Jason.

I spent years thinking that Donna's death was almost as foundational as Jason's, only to later discover that I had just happened to read the specific comics that focused on the fallout, and she only stayed dead for a short time. That happens to fans ALL THE TIME! We read a character summarizing an event we haven't directly read, and just accept it as what happened. But characters have biases, and not all writers care about accuracy.

-

I've read some Tim Drakes that I consider to be almost entirely 'fanon'. And quite a few that were so scarily 'canon' that I got chills. (Not all of which were similar to each other.) But the vast, vast majority have fallen somewhere in the middle.

I definitely do not want the responsibility of deciding which ones count as 'canon'! And I think I would strongly dislike anyone who tried to decide for me.

Being frustrated is logical, and I empathize. But the original post was about the impossible expectations some fans feel. The expectation to read thousands of comics, synthesize all the contradictions, and come to conclusions that match the 'true fans'. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to be complaining about.

If that's what some fans are experiencing, of course they're not going to want to engage with canon! There's no way for them to succeed, so why should they even try?

When you join THAT conversation to discuss your frustration about fanon, it strengthens that perception. When you call them 'fanon fans' it emphasizes their belief that you don't think they belong. And rather than trying to change, it's more likely that they'll double down. Canon is full of gatekeepers, so they'll avoid it.

#gatekeeping #fandom policing #fanon #canon vs fanon #usually don't do stuff like this anymore #I'm old and tired #but sometimes the words want to come out

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Our Own Holiday

masterlist

summary: tom can’t celebrate valentine’s day, you can’t celebrate halloween

paring: tom hanniger x female reader

rating: R for language

word count: 0.7k

warnings: trauma (not specified) surrounding halloween, language, no spoilers

timeline: set before or after the movie, up to you

author’s note: happy halloween! 🎃👻 (this fic was queued so i’m still not active on tumblr. i’ll be back on my main to celebrate the fifth of november but i don’t think i’ll be uploading any fics until later in the month 💞)

October 31st was the one day a year you absolutely hated. You loved horror movies, autumn weather, and the general aesthetic that surrounded the whole month, but Halloween hadn’t been fun for you in years.

You were currently huddled up on your living room couch and watching Child’s Play when a knock came from your back door. There had been noise coming from your front door all night (understandably so) but the fact someone had climbed your fence was a little unsettling.

You walked through the kitchen and to your back door, smiling when you saw who was there.

“Tom? Oh my god!” you giggled a little after unlocking the door and letting him in.

“I know this night is tough for you so I figured you’d want some company.” He smiled, somewhat sadly, and held up a large bag of candy. “I would’ve been here about two hours ago but I had to find non-Halloween-themed candy and the Target around the corner was out. I had to go to the one on Washington Road.”

“Thank you, Tom,” you said, a smile now on your lips.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked. “Have you gotten many trick-or-treaters?”

“I’ve had a few knocks but I haven’t answered the door,” you said. He put his hands on your shoulders before he pulled you into a hug. “I feel like absolute shit,” you admitted.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“That’s okay. How ‘bout this; I’ll go put a bowl out for the trick-or-treaters and a sign that says not to knock or ring the bell, we can cuddle on the couch and watch movies. It’ll be like… Well, not Valentine’s Day cause I hate that. It’ll be our own holiday that we celebrate twice a year while the rest of the world is celebrating stupid Halloween or Valentine’s Day.”

“My god, what did I do to deserve you, Tom?” You looked up at him as you both pulled back from the hug and he shrugged a little.

“Well, last Valentine’s you did stay with me for the whole day and kept me distracted so I wouldn’t think about it.”

“So…is this the second time we’re celebrating this new holiday of ours, then?”

“You’re right! We need a name for it,” he said as you both walked to the couch before sitting down. You snuggled into his side as he put an arm around your shoulders.

“The Hanniger Holiday,” you suggested.

“Hmm,” he hummed beside you, as if in thought. “I was gonna say ‘we need to have your name in there somewhere’ but I guess Hanniger will be your name someday.”

“You really think?”

“No question, sweetheart.” He kissed your cheek. “I love you, Y/n Hanniger.”

“I love you so much, Tom,” you mumbled, turning to place a kiss on his full lips.

“Love you more.” He smiled against your lips, moving his hand to your cheek as yours went into his hair.

“Not fuckin’ possible,” you said directly into his mouth.

“Definitely possible,” he retorted, “because it’s fuckin’ true.”

“Just shut up and kiss me some more,” you sighed.

A knock at the door and the faint sound of a few kids shouting “Trick-or-treat,” pulled you both out of the happy trance you’d been in.

“I’ll go shut ‘em up,” Tom said before kissing your cheek and standing up. “You stay here, maybe find us a different movie, and I’ll be back before you can say ‘Mr and Mrs Tom Hanniger’ three times fast.”

“But I love this movie,” you pouted, he rolled his eyes playfully before leaving to take care of the people at the door.

He handed out some candy (from another bag he’d bought, this one Halloween themed) before the kids all left. He then set the bag up on the front porch and quickly scribbled a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign that he then taped to the door.

He was back beside you within a couple minutes and, per his request, you’d set up a new movie for the two of you.

“Oh fuck yeah!” Tom exclaimed as the movie started.

#tom hanniger x reader #tom hanniger #my bloody valentine #my bloody valentine 2009 #jensen ackles #jackles character #by mind empty just fictional people #by jean

[heejayy]

Shuri U. || Liar

Warning • swearing, suggestive

Genre • lil angst, fluff

Pairing • Shuri x black Fem! Reader

Word Count: 1.4K

A/n: no this isn’t a toxic Shuri fic I’m not good at writing those so don’t get ur hopes up 😭 also I think i broke my tumblr 🫤

You lay on your bed completely heartbroken. Shuri promised you months ago she’d clear her schedule for a full weekend to come visit you on your birthday, but where is she no where to be seen.

[2 hours ago]

“Sooo” you giggled giddily “you still coming for my birthday?” You smile wider knowing the answer.

“Uh about that usana…I can’t make it, there was an emergency outside of the borders with traffickers and they need me.” Well that wasn’t the answer you were hoping to hear.

“Oh- well are they alright?” You asked sadly but still concerned for their wellbeing.

“They will be. We’ve tracked down the hostages and we will rescue them tonight”

“Well I know you’ll get them home safely, but still I want you to stay safe-“

“Ok sthandwa i have to go love you.”

She’s gsaving lives doing something important and I’m moping over her, was all you could think as you drifted to sleep.

She’s gsaving lives doing something important and I’m moping over her, was all you could think as you drifted to sleep.

She’s gsaving lives doing something important and I’m moping over her, was all you could think as you drifted to sleep.

You woke up exhausted feeling like absolute shit, your eyes were red and swollen and your head ached from crying yourself to sleep but hey it’s not a birthday if you don’t cry at least once.

You checked your phone noticing you slept in late- really late. Your eyes flickered to the date reminding you it was your birthday, the big two-one. You wish you were more excited but you weren’t. You were going to cut class and work to hang out with Shuri but oh wait she wasn’t here.

You lazily put together a decent outfit for the day and finished your morning routine even though it was evening time.

As your mind was preoccupied with other things you walked right out of your dorm room down the hall completely missing Riri.

“Damn I was gonna tell you happy birthday but you act like you didn’t even see me” startled you shook your head turning around.

“Ah shit my bad my mind was elsewhere” she frowned, you guessed she knew.

“Yeah she told me she wasn’t gonna make it I’m sorry boo” you waved her off sighing.

“It’s ‘ight” she nodded taking a second to observe your outfit.

“The fuck are you wearing? It’s your birthday not a damn funeral” she said wearing a disgusted look as she stared at you. You frowned looking down at your outfit, you had on black flared leggings, a black long sleeve shirt with red and black vans.

“What I’m just going to class?!” You whined slightly offended. I might as well try to make it to my last class you thought.

“What the hell?! CLASS?! Y/n we’re going out…like now so go change” she spun you around by your shoulders pushing you to your dorm room.

“But what’s the point of going out? My plans are ruined” you sulked stomping down trying to stop her.

“Just because your lover girl isn’t here” she spoke between grunts trying to get you to budge “doesn’t mean you’re having a shitty birthday. No ma’am not on my watch.”

“Ooh yup I like this one- oh yes this one and…oh that’ll look absolutely amazing together!” You sat on the floor picking at your fur rug watching Riri put together your birthday outfit. As much as you appreciated this you still couldn’t bring yourself to celebrate without your girl.

“Come on y/n/n stand up get ready we don’t have all day!” She yanked you up by your arm throwing a bunch of clothes you forgot you had into your arms.

“Ok so I paired that white body con mini dress you had with that beige coat along with those white thigh high boots… oh my-“ she took a pause placing her hand on her chest pretending to cry “you’re gonna look so fucking good” You rolled your eyes slightly laughing at her being dramatic. As you watched her wonder around your room looking for other accessories a concerning thought popped into your head.

“Ri how’d you even get into this building- wait let alone this campus there are no visitors allowed?” she peered at you puckering her lips.

“I might’ve hacked the security system- but it was only to see my favorite girl for her birthday don’t judge me” She rolled her eyes turning back around to finish finding accessories.

While Riri was in her own little world singing, you stared out the window watching all the street lights blends together.

“Oh my god are you gonna wear that long face all night? Y/n cheer up you’re twenty one you’re finally allowed to drink!” You shook her head at her liveliness.

“I don’t drink” your comment was met with a drawn out ‘Lame’ from her.

She swerved into the parking lot behind a moving line of cars out of curiosity your peered out the window reading the bright lit sign.

“Nobu?! NOBU?! Riri we’re two broke college students you think we can afford Nobu?” She rolled her eyes “just get out” You huffed following her lead as she gave her keys to the valet.

She strutted up to the lady behind the reservation desk “excuse me we’re with Ms. Udaku” the hostess nodded smiling “right this way ma’am”

You followed behind them thinking you’ve lost your entire mind, did she say Udaku? Like Shuri Udaku? My Shuri?!

Your questions were quickly answered when you came to a secluded area of the restaurant, and there waited Shuri sitting with a smirk in her face.

“Surprise!” Riri grinned giving you a big hug, you were so out of it you barely hugged her back.

“Wha- I- Shuri!” Shuri’s smiled grew wider as she stood to greet you. “Sthandwa you’d think I’d truly miss your birthday?” She brought you into a tight loving hug. You missed her hugs, so warm, they felt like home. You wrapped your arms around her loving the feeling of being in her arms again. As she pulled away you caught a scent of her perfume, god you could sniff her all day. She smelled like heaven.

“You know I absolutely hate you guys I can’t believe you lied to me” they both shrugged giggling evilly.

“I can’t lie though Shuri, it was hard I almost gave in a few times I mean she was just so hurt” Shuri pouted at Riri’s confession.

“Awe my usana” Shuri cooed pecking your lips, that peck turned into a full kiss and then Shuri found her hand creeping up your thigh.

“Well that’s my cue love birds, I’ll see you at the hotel we can gift give there. Also thanks for the dinner Shuri” Riri said scurrying away before Shuri could say you’re welcome. You giggled watching her leave, but Shuri gently grabbed your chin bringing your attention back to her.

“Don’t look at other women you’ll make me jealous” she gazed at you with sultry eyes as her thumb grazed your bottom lip. You rolled your eyes not even bothering to fight back a flustered smile.

“Don’t think you’re in my good graces cutie, your sweet words and this tennis bracelet isn’t gonna cut it” you said referring to the gift she gave you when you first arrived. Although you couldn’t lie it was beautiful, it was a vine tennis bracelet from Tiffany and Co. and you were positive it costs a pretty penny.

Shuri tilted her head fake pouting “maybe this’ll make up for it?” you felt her place her slide closer up your thigh, the more it crept closer to your heat the wetter you became. You could feel it soaking through your thin panties you wore. “God you look so sexy tonight” she whispered near your ear sending chills down your back. You haven’t seen her in so long you almost forgot how her touch affected you. As your lips were inches apart, you could feel her breath hitting yours and the more you leaned in the more she pulled away. What a tease.

“Would you like dessert to go?” You snatched back looking up at the waitress. She wore a small smirk holding a tray as she piled your dishes on. You blinked rapidly feeling your entire body heat up with embarrassment, damn you forgot where your were.

“Yes please” Shuri calmly answered as if nothing happened. The waitress gave a smile nodding “I won’t take too long.” She winked leaving.

“Oh I so hate you” you muttered still flustered from her.

She chuckled “No you don’t.”

Shuri Masterlist

©heejayy 2023 — any reposts outside of tumblr or translations of my works are strictly prohibited unless granted permission 🤍

Borders- @firefly-graphics

#shuri fluff #shuri x fem!reader #shuri x black!fem reader #shuri imagine #shuri x you #shuri x reader #marvel imagine #lesbian #x black reader #letitia wright #letitia wright shuri #black panther x reader #lgbtqia

[kellykidd]

Baby Severide - Chapter 7: Change of Plans

*Gif belongs to its rightful owner, it is not mine*

Pairing: Kelly Severide x reader

Summary: After only a few days home as new parents, an unexpected timeline adjustment is made

Words: 1641

Warnings: mentions of scars, parental tension

Read on Ao3 here

Notes: This is the second last chapter of Baby Severide! Also, we’re super close to 250 here on tumblr, so if you enjoy my work, consider leaving a reblog or follow! As always, a reblog of any chapter earns a tag in chapter posted after that! Enjoy!

Join my taglist here

Tags: @district447 @mrspeacem1nusone @tringeorge @storiesofsvu @cfdhouse51 @skullcupcakes @whatismypurpos @carnationworld @youraveragedorkysimp @treehouse-mouse @witchywinchester99 @keabbs @marvelcharactersxreader @pensfan5871

——

9:37AM. It was Thursday morning, only a few days after Alexis was born. You rolled over in the king size bed to find Kelly wasn’t beside you. Looking beside you, you could see Alexis wasn’t in her bassinet either.

Still sore from surgery, you slowly put your slippers on and went to the living room to find the rest of your family. Kelly was laying on the couch, shirtless, with Alexis on his chest and a blanket covering them while watching SportsCenter. Reaching down, you rubbed his shoulder to get his attention.

“How long you been here?” You asked, sitting beside him on the couch.

“Less than an hour I think. I didn’t want to wake you, I know you’re exhausted, so I fed her a bottle and we’ve been watching highlights of the Blackhawks game,” he replied with a smile.

“Your mom texted me last night.”

“Oh yeah? What did she say?”

“Said you texted her about the baby. She wants to visit when we’re ready. She can come today if that works for you.”

He nodded.

“Can you grab my phone?” He asked, “the new lieutenant officially starts today and Cruz was gonna text me about who they got.”

You wandered back into the bedroom and found his phone still charging on his nightstand. Looking at the notifications on his screen, there was a text from Boden.

Fixing your eyes on the screen of his phone, Boden had texted “call me.”

“No text from Cruz, just Boden,” you announced.

“What’d he say?” 

“Call me.”

“That can’t be good.”

“Probably not. Want me to take Alexis so you can call him?”

Kelly pulled back the blanket and began to laugh. Once you saw what he had done, you started to laugh too.

“You wrapped the baby?” You chuckled, looking at the Moby Wrap you received from your baby shower wrapped around him and Alexis.

“Hands free,” he laughed.

“Coffee?”

“Sure.”

As you wandered to the kitchen, you saw Kelly mute the tv and call Boden, all while Alexis was sleeping on his chest.

A few moments later, you came back to the couch with two coffees in hand. Alexis had started to fuss as Kelly hung up the phone.

“What did Boden want?” You asked, handing him one of the fresh coffees from your hands.

“New lieutenant didn’t show up for work today,” he replied.

“Who did they get in for you?” 

“Connor Maxwell, used to be an engine lieutenant before he got his squad certs.”

“Do they know what happened?” 

“Boden says the guy overslept, but he doesn’t buy it. They’re gonna let him stay for the shift and cut him loose if it doesn’t go well.”

As Kelly told you about this squad lieutenant, he got a look of desperation in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“I’m a little worried about my men.”

“Why, baby?”

“I’ve never been taken a furlough this long in a very long time.”

“Are you scared they’re gonna like this new lieutenant more than you?” You laughed, rubbing his shoulder.

“I just don’t want my company to go to hell while I’m gone,” he chuckled, kissing your forehead.

“How much time did you take off? 

“I told Boden 8 weeks.”

“Is there a way you can go back early?”

“I guess I could, but I want to be here for you and our baby.”

Alexis began to fuss, still wrapped with her dad.

“I’ll take her, babe. She’s probably hungry.”

Kelly unwrapped Alexis and handed her to you. You raised your shirt, exposing yourself in order to feed your baby.

“I’m sure we’ll be fine here, if you want to go back early, Kelly,” you told him.

“I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed or like I want to work more than be home with our brand new baby.”

“I’ve got 8 months of leave. You would’ve had to leave me home with Alexis by myself when you’re on shift regardless.”

“I know, I know, I just hoped she’d be a little older first.”

“It’s like 3 days a week max, I’m sure we’ll be okay if you want to go back early,” you smiled, adjusting your head’s position to leaning on his shoulder, “I know you love your job and I know you love us, but we’ll be okay if this is what you want.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, wrapping his arm around you.

“Kelly, would I ever lie to you?”

“I guess I have my answer then.”

“You should call Boden and tell him there’s been a change of plans,” you gestured to his phone on the side table.

He grabbed his phone and you finished feeding Alexis. Kelly put his phone on speaker phone as you burped Alexis.

“Kelly, how’s the father life treating you?” Boden asked him as he picked up. You could hear his smile through the phone.

“Ah, Chief it couldn’t be better,” Kelly grinned, “do you have a minute?”

“Sure, what’s on your mind?” 

“I was thinking about coming back to work a little earlier than what I originally planned.”

“When were you thinking?”

“Next shift, if you’ll let me.”

“Can’t stay away too long, huh?”

“What can I say? It’s in my blood,” Kelly chuckled.

“Actually though Kelly, is your wife okay with this? You sure you don’t want to take some time with your baby?”

“We’ve talked it over, it was kinda her idea actually.”

“I know he’s missing it, I’ll be okay if he goes back,” you piped up.

“Well, I still haven’t filled your spot for next shift. You’re welcome to it if you want it.”

“Thanks, Chief. I’ll be there.”

Kelly hung up the phone and turned to look at you.

“You’re really sure?” He asked, leaning in to give you a kiss.

“Yes, Kelly, I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll even bring her over to the firehouse when you’re on shift,” you replied, “you don’t have to be worried.” 

“I love you, thank you for being everything I wanted in life.”

You leaned over and hugged him with one arm, Alexis dozing in the other.

“Can you take her so I can have a quick shower? I still feel like hospital.”

“Of course baby, do what you need.”

You handed over Alexis to her father and just the sight of the two of them together melted your heart.

“Oh babe, question for you,” Kelly asked as you were headed to grab your house coat, “do we have more bottles? Or should I clean a couple for later?”

“Uh,” you were wracking your brain, trying to figure out where your nesting brain put them, “I think they’re in the drawer by the fridge, but honestly I don’t remember.”

Changing out of your clothes and into your bathrobe, you couldn’t help but notice the horizontal scar on your stomach. It was still a little painful when your hand brushed it, but the pain didn’t matter because you had your baby. The perfect baby, with the perfect husband. You didn’t need anything else.

Turning on the water and getting in the shower, Kelly knocked on the bathroom door.

“I hate to interrupt you,” he chuckled, “but there’s someone here who you’re going to want to see.”

“Can it wait until after my shower? I’ll be quick, I promise. Ask if they can wait?” You asked, shampoo already lathered in your hair.

“Yeah, we’ll be out here.”

Kelly closed the door behind him and the thought of who could be here for you raced through your mind as you quickly finished your shower. After finishing up and drying off, you threw your hair up in a messy bun and put on your sweats to go see your visitor.

“Babe, I made some breakfast for the four of us,” Kelly told you, setting the table.

“Who’s here? And where’s Alexis?” You asked.

“Hi, sweetie,” a familiar voice beamed.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” You asked.

“I came to apologize,” she said, “I’m so sorry for what I said.”

Without saying a word, you walked over to your mom and gave her the tightest hug of your life. A couple tears filled your eyes.

“You want to meet your granddaughter?” You asked, motioning to Kelly to remove Alexis from the wrap.

“Yeah, I’d love you,” she smiled.

Handing over your daughter to your own mother was such a special experience for both of you.

“Kelly can you take a picture?” You asked.

“Oh, honey, I just got off a plane, I look awful.”

“Mom, you look great. I want to remember this.”

Kelly grabbed his phone from the counter and took a picture of the three of you together.

“I also came for another reason,” she admitted, sitting down at the table, “Kelly and I were talking while you were finishing your shower. He told me he’s going back to work earlier than expected. I already called back home and I’ve made arrangements to stay with you for a week or two.”

“Mom, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes I did, my daughter had my first granddaughter. I need to be here with you.”

“I’ll be fine on my own while Kelly is on shift, you don’t need to help me.”

“Well, then I’ll explore Chicago. I’ve never had the chance to do some sightseeing here.”

You nodded and brought Alexis’ motorized baby swing closer to the table. 

“Set her in the swing while we eat, you can hold her after,” you offered.

Your mom set Alexis in the swing and it bangan to slowly swing side to side.

“So Kelly, when are you back to work?” your mom asked.

“Tomorrow morning,” he said, grabbing some more bacon from the counter.

“That’s quick,” she replied.

“Yeah, only missed two shifts, but I know my girls will be okay for 24 hours without me.”

#kelly severide imagine #kelly severide fic #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide #chicago fire fic #chicago fire #chicago fire x reader #one Chicago #one chicago fic #Baby Severide fic #kelly severide x you

[jnnul]

lowkey

gif credit: @chwerity

genre: FLUFF, action if you count the amount of running they do 😭, jaemin being stupid <3

word count: 0.8k

type: drabble

a/n: hehe welcome to my first official post! i guess the other two were just timestamps to kinda get a feel for tumblr lol. let me know what you guys think! the comments/reblog tags are so cute and i keep rereading them <3

+++

you had never expected that you would spend your friday night running away from daily mail.

quite frankly, you didn’t expect that you would be running at all on a friday night, much less from tabloids. you prided yourself on how lowkey you lived your life. you made few, but diehard, friends. you had no enemies. you had a well-paying, stable job and you were working towards buying your own apartment soon. but for all of your attempts to stay absolutely average, your superstar boyfriend had to go become famous and propel you to stardom with him.

“oh my god, jaemin, if i have to work out every time we go on a date, i’m literally never seeing you in person again,” you gasp as your boyfriend tugs on your arm to make you run faster - as if that would mean that you would lose your paparazzi trail.

you still don’t know how you ended up like this in the first place. pulling na jaemin, the center of nct dream, was a small miracle in itself. but regardless, you were well seasoned veterans of the dating scheme now. after dating for three years, the two of you were really good at hiding from the public about your relationship.

it definitely helped that you were a run of the mill citizen (as opposed to, say, a world renowned singer) and the fact that jaemin was a homebody until he died so being in this situation was a little foreign to you. you weren’t sure if you had gotten into a scare like this since the first two months that you and jaemin were dating.

“i thought we would be safe in fucking london!” jaemin hisses back as the two of you weave in and out of the stumbling bodies exiting suspicious looking clubs. “it’s two in the morning and people still recognized me wearing a sweatshirt, mask, and sunglasses.”

you stop in your tracks at that, gaping at jaemin’s ‘foolproof’ disguise. the sweatshirt he mentioned? neon green. you mentally face-palm as the two of you start running again, hearing the incoming mob of people.

they definitely had done this before, you think. you were way too tired and they looked like keep tailing the two of you for another couple hours for sure.

“you cannot tell me that the sweatshirt the color of a traffic suit was your way of escaping paparazzi,” you deadpan. looking back on it, the last couple years worth of dates were done where you were both wearing clothes that were almost at the level of national espionage.

you and jaemin would always wear varying shades of black and the two of you would always choose the most hole in the wall places you could find - or some of the industry safe places, such as the locations in itaewon, where you could easily blend with the foreigners. even some of the veterans of the industry were known for letting idols into their establishments in discrete ways so that everyone could act normally for a few hours.

the two of you had gotten careless this time. thinking you would be safe due to the far away location, as well as the late timing, you had grown lax and comfortable due to the lack of scandals for the past few years. rookie mistake.

“this way! if we get off of peter street, we should be able to dodge the tabloids,” you stage whisper, tugging your boyfriend so that he would be by your side as the two of you dash into the nearest adjacent street that you can.

you’re affectively pressed up against jaemin’s chest as you rest your head against the crook of his neck, trying to conceal both of your faces so that you look like any other drunk and enamored couple. you would tell jaemin to take off that stupid neon green sweatshirt but the space to move is a luxury you haven’t been awarded. 

you and jaemin hold your breaths, hoping that the less noise you make, the less the gods are compelled to send the tabloids your way. it seems your vehement prayers (and perhaps the fact that the alleyway was so dark, it muted jaemin’s sweatshirt color) have paid off because the mob that was following you run right past the alleyway you’re hiding in in a cacophony of “this way!” and “we’re gonna make front page!” that lets you know that you’ve successfully escape them. 

the two of you shimmy out of the alley when you’re positive there’s no one left and breathe in the air that was much too hard to breath in the cramped alleyway.

you look at jaemin, who’s already looking at you with a stupid grin on his face as he presses a kiss against your cheek.

“so much for lowkey, huh?”

“na jaemin, i swear to fucking god, if you don’t throw out that sweatshirt right now, i’m breaking up with you!”

“but...but it’s the nct dream sweatshirt.”

“...i’m gonna kill jeno.”

#jaemin #jaemin fluff #nct dream #nct headcanons #nct dream headcanons #nct #jaemin headcanons #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #nct drabbles #nct dream drabbles #nct fic #nct dream fic #jaemin x reader #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #nct dream scenarios #jnnul

[star-going-supernova]

May I humbly request clingy Freddy suffering from separation anxiety who is constantly on edge about losing his child 🙏

We are on a roll! Here’s tumblr generated prompt number 33! I put Gregory at twelve years old here. Poor Freddy in this one, lol.

Separation Anxiety

Back and forth, Freddy paced the length of the pizzaplex entrance, always keeping the parking lot outside the doors in sight. It was two minutes after 11 p.m., two minutes after Gregory had said he would arrive for the night. 

His wires felt itchy with mounting worry. He cycled through various cameras, all focused on side or back doors, in case Gregory had entered the building elsewhere. He would have asked his friends if they had seen him, but he did not think they would soothe his nerves, not after he spammed the group chat at eleven that Gregory had not arrived at his designated time. 

Monty had laughed at him—Freddy had been able to hear it from the foyer, loud as Monty had been in his amusement—and Chica had gently reminded him that Gregory had given him an ETA, an estimated time of arrival. Roxy had lost her patience and snapped at him to stop being such a helicopter parent and give them all a break from his incessant, and needless, paranoia. 

Gregory’s a beast of a kid! she had furiously typed, essentially a shout. You seem convinced that everything in the world is out to get him and would succeed! Give the little monster some credit, Fazbear, hell. 

So. He was not sharing his concerns in the group chat. 

He just—it was not paranoia. His fears were perfectly rational; there were many things that Gregory could encounter in his daily life that could cause him harm. And while Gregory liked his foster parents well enough, they clearly were not up to the task of taking care of him. Not when they failed to notice that Gregory snuck out several nights a week to visit the pizzaplex. 

Gregory deserved excellent care, not average care. 

(It did not matter to Freddy that his foster parents’ lapse was the only reason Gregory was able to visit outside the pizzaplex’s hours of operation.) 

He toyed with making the argument (again) that Gregory should stay here, with Freddy. Then Freddy would not have to worry about many of the potential dangers that existed beyond the front doors. Which, he would like to point out, had very effective safety measures. 

Distracted with creating a list of reasons for why Gregory should never leave Freddy’s side again, he did not notice Gregory riding up to the entrance on his bike. Nor did he notice Gregory climb off, tilt his head in amusement at the sight of Freddy pacing, then chuckle to himself before walking his bike through both sets of doors. 

“Miss me?” he teased, breaking Freddy out of his thoughts. 

Freddy snapped his head up, his worry instantly vanishing at the mere sight of the boy. As soon as Gregory had leaned his bike against the wall, Freddy was there to pull him into an inescapable hug. 

Gregory laughed against him, reaching up to hug him back. “Sorry I’m a little late. I guess the pacing is why Roxy texted me?” 

Sheepish, Freddy asked, “Ah, what did she say?” 

“Only that you’re reaching all new levels of worrywart and it’s driving her crazy.” 

“I… suppose that is not inaccurate.” 

Gregory leaned back to look up at him. “What’s got you so worried?”

Everything. Anything could take Gregory from him: Other humans. Car accidents. Potentially undiscovered deadly allergies. Dangerous animals. Illness. Injury. The list went on and on and on and on—

“I think you have a pretty skewed idea of what life for us humans is like,” Gregory said. “I swear I’m not dodging danger every second of every day.” 

It only takes once, Freddy carefully did not say. Gregory, as an orphan, would know that all too well. 

Though he did not respond, something in his expression or body language or even in the silence itself made Gregory frown. 

“I’m sorry my health and safety’s got you so freaked out,” he said earnestly, and he lifted his arms in an offer. One Freddy gladly took, scooping the boy up and holding him even closer. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

Stay. Stay forever. Never make me let you go again. 

“Did you say Roxy texted you?” he asked instead, and it was only because he had impeccable control over his voice box that he did not sound strained. 

“Hey, yeah! She found me through my foster mom’s Facebook, I didn’t even think—let me give you my phone number, and then we can text and stuff. On nights I can’t make it, we could do a video call? Would that help?” 

“That—yes. I think it would.” Freddy saved the string of numbers to his memory and then sent a message to Roxy asking how to get his systems set up for texting outside of the pizzaplex’s internal communications system. She sent him a few laughing emojis, then mercifully passed along a mod file. 

“While you get that set up,” Gregory said knowingly, “how about we head down to your guys’ lounge? I owe Monty a beating in Mario Kart.” 

#i answered a thing #anonymous #fnaf fic #fnaf security breach #star's stories #life and times of star

[strawberrykisseslia]

"i wish you were a boy."

☆ pairing: vanessa shelly x fem! reader

☆ part 1

☆ tw: hurt, no comfort only near the end, slight fluff, not proof read at all, the images do NOT belong to me. only the absolutely trash good fiction.♡ use of y/n once

☆ cw: 1.1k

☆ genuinely dk why it took me so long to write this but this song saved the whole small series, thank her ( no jk, im dead serious )

☆ how i love this trope. ( LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER )

☆ heavily inspired by Good Luck, Babe! by Chappell Roan ( PLEASE I LOVE HER SM, i think this is a normal reaction to her? )

☆ yall... did i make reader toxic? now that i've come to think of it... I HOPE NOT OH MY GOD

☆ also so so sorry if it looks messy!!! i didnt write it on Tumblr but i kinda like it, thoughts? please give me thoughts about this whole thing because i'm genuinely not sure how to feel about it, would appreciate it!

It has been some time since you and Vanessa actually had a right conversation. always passing each other quickly though the house, awkward greetings here and there but nothing close to a “how are you?” or “how was your day?” nothing.

you had been thinking about moving out as fast you can but didn't really find anything good right now. especially because your work was taking more and more free time away from you. which led you to just wanting to sleep instead of doing anything.

you noticed though how vanessa stayed out longer, even on her breaks. she was really not the one who would go out even. not to stay out more than two hours.

you guessed this whole thing had an effect on her too. right? at least she was regretting it. but oh, how you craved to talk to her really again. at least she used to be your best friend. your favorite person. and you were hers. it was true.

you didn't really know but she thought of you. a LOT. at work. at the bars when she tries to numb her feelings for you. in her car on her way to somewhere. even at home, when you two are basically only some meters away.

as much as she was thinking of you she realized how much you mean to her. and how much she loves you.

at first, she didn't want to accept it. it felt weird and new to her. she was never in love with a girl before.

she knew you were hurt, deeply. but she didn't know how to cheer you up right now. she never got comforted in her life at all, of course you did comfort her. but she didn't know how to comfort someone.

though, one night something changes. she puts every confidence in her and tries to talk to you.

-

she gently knocks on your door around 10pm on a Tuesday night. you are laying in your bed all comfortable, watching some shitty tv show while eating your favorite snack. you feel your heart beat a little bit faster as you climb out of the warm and make your way to the door.

“vanessa?”

she looks down, fidgeting with the bottom of her shirt. she is almost silent for a minute.

“i am… so sorry, (y/n).” she manages to speak up. almost crying.

you sigh and look down at your feet.

“i wanna make things right between us. after all… we were once best friend?”

you nod, yet you can't forget how she said ‘i wish you were a boy.’

“vanessa…” you whisper.

“i know i messed up. it was a lot. but please, give me a second chance,” you look up at her. she is already looking at you.

“i want to be friends again— i’m sorry… but i have no feelings for you.”

you can only nod at that. you should have expected this outcome. she could never be in love with another girl. yet, there were times where you hooked up. however… you both were really drunk.

vanessa exactly knew she was lying to herself but somehow she couldn't tell you how much she loves you. even, she didn't know why. maybe it was because she always wanted to be the perfect daughter for her terrible father. you heard her cries about him so many times, you couldn't even count on your two hands. deep down in her heart, she knew she will never be enough for him, yet you told her countless times that she doesn't have to be.

“i am not too sure, vanessa… i'm sorry.” you answer to her.

“after these past weeks of us ignoring each other..,” you don't really wanna bring up the thing she said because you know, you would break down. “both of us acted childish, but it's taking it's tool out on us now,” you look down. “and i want someone who doesn't only hookups with me when they're drunk.” you say the last part much more quietly.

she nods. she is unable to speak up. her stomach flips with every second. she prepared herself for the first really, but deep down she was never prepared enough for this.

“i understand you.” after some time she manages to talk.

you don't know what's going on inside you. your stomach is walking up and down in you and your heart is loud enough for the neighbors to hear it. you don't know if you wished for vanessa to be understanding or to fight for you.

she doesn't wanna push you past your limits. she doesn't wanna make you cry again.

the fact you craved to talk to her again like old times yet here you are saying you don't wanna get close to her again.

“well, i hope everything goes good for you.” she speaks up and gets you out of your thoughts. you can hear she is about to cry depending on seconds. you only nod.

“goodnight.” she says and turns around.

“you know…,” you starts she faces you. “it's better to talk about feelings then for them to drown.”

she nods in agreement. “yes, i know…” she hesitantly reponds. deep down you know that applies for you too, but wasn't that kiss enough to tell everything to her?

-

the next week you move out. you finally found a house that you can afford and it looks exactly like how you want it to. after that, you never talked to vanessa. in fact, you even started to slowly move on and start to search for love. not always thinking about needing a relationship but if you find the right person then you'll go for them.

for vanessa… well. she thought about you too much. she missed your presence in the house so much. your voice, your smiles, your laughter, your cooking. everything.

though, after two years or so, she found love. or maybe someone who would look after her when needed someone. a man, of course. vanessa never spoke about you. tried to not think of you after her marriage yet… almost every night she thought of you. the pictures of you on her phone, she often looked through them.

in the meantime you found love too! a really sweet girl. she was your whole world. your everything. you never really thought of vanessa. maybe some times. but this girl showed you colors no one has ever.

-

sometimes you fantasize about standing in front of vanessa and telling her everything you felt when you moved out and wanted to tell her, you told her so many times how she would end up in a loveless marriage if she doesn't speak about her feelings at least a little bit more often as time went on. at least to you. someone she used to call her best friend!

still, these were meaningless little fantasies you had maybe two monthly.

only if you knew.

#female reader #lesbian #elizabeth lail #vanessa shelly #lgbtq #five nights at freddy's #vanessa afton #vanessa shelly x reader #hurt/comfort #angst #no comfort #fluff #wlw post

[nighthunter241]

He is Mine-Prologue (Henry Cavill x male reader)

NOT MY GIF, GIF USED FROM TUMBLR OPTION 18+ DNI if you are lower the age of 18

(First day of the Freshman year)

M/N….M/N….M/N….WAKE UP, you wake up and it is your brother Anthony being annoying. “Why did you wake me up, can’t you see I was sleeping dumbass.” Anthony signs and says, “Well maybe it is because I don’t know ... .IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL SO GET UP.” You jump up instantly “Shit,Shit,Shit I forgot to set my alarm,” “You're welcome by the way” says Anthony but you barely hear him due to you running to the bathroom. After a quick shower you put on your school uniform which you sadly must wear, three kids and your parents of course still wanted to send you to a prestigious school. You go downstairs for breakfast and see your other brother Sebastian finishing his breakfast. “OOOHHHHHH someone is going to be late” says your brother. You ignore him and grab a quick bite; your mother and father go up to you “We told you not to stay up late and we also reminded you about your alarm.” “I’m so sorry mom and dad won’t happen again.” “Better not” says your father but his tone is not serious, after breakfast you notice your siblings left you and you are forced to run like hell to school. While running you check the time on your phone and without paying attention you run into someone. You fall onto the floor and before you can process what happened you hear a voice with a soothing british accent. “I am sorry, here let me help you up” you look up and see a good-looking guy with his hand extended towards you. “Um ... .no need to apologize I wasn’t paying attention; my name is M/N.""My name is Henry. It is a pleasure to meet you, wait a second, that uniform you are going to attend S/N also.” “Yes, I am currently a freshman” you said, “How about we walk together to school then.” After making it to school on time you barely get your schedule and head to homeroom you end up realizing you are with Henry. “Hey, good to see you again I guess we are in the same homeroom” you say. “We are, well at least I know one person here”  says Henry. “You barely know me though, not to sound too rude,” “Well I guess that means we just need to get to know each other” Henry chuckles and you blush. 3 years later (Senior year)

You are making your way back home on a Friday without your siblings due to them having to stay back because of their club, you did not really care you were happy the weekend came. Three years passed by so quickly, everything still seems the same, you and Henry have become good friends, but a part of you always hopes for something more but having Henry as your friend seems better than having him hate you. You two would always walk to school together then he would go to meet up with his other friend before  meeting up in the homeroom class and any other classes you guys had together. Except for lunch since that is where he usually likes to be alone so you respect that. You cannot stop staring at him, the way he looks, the way his eyes look when he is talking to you makes you feel things. You accepted the fact you have feelings for him, the question is whether it is worth trying to tell him without knowing if he even feels the same way. Hours pass and you are ready to head to bed when you get a strange text from Robert, another student you worked on a school project a month back.

Robert: Hello M/N

M/N: Hey?

Robert: You remember me, right?

M/N: Yes, we worked on that science project, the one that I DID all the work in

Robert: Which I gratefully thanked you for

M/N: Anyway, why are you randomly texting me?

Robert: Well, I saw you staring at a certain senior for a while and a little birdie told me you might have some sort of romantic feelings for that senior, that senior being Henry.

M/N: I am sorry I believe this is a misunderstanding.

Robert: Relax, I am not going to threaten to expose you, I am wanting to help by giving you a heads up.

M/N: Heads up?

Robert: Do you know someone named Amy; she is in your AP Calculus class.

M/N: Oh yes, she is Henry's childhood best friend, I see them talk to each other before I meet up with him in our homeroom.

Robert: Well ... .to get to the point she likes Henry deeply and wants to confess her feelings for him this upcoming Friday since she believes in that dumb school legend.

M/N: ????

Robert: Is it really that hard to understand?

M/N: No, is not….just that random for you tell me and why are you.

Robert: Well after cheating off you this entire year I believe it is good karma for me to help you.

M/N: WAIT YOU DID WHAT THIS WHOLE YEAR!

Robert: Relax man you helped me out, I really do not give a shit about this school stuff since I am going to run my father’s company anyway. 

M/N: Whatever, so you telling me this is just because you want to be generous, what is the catch?

Robert: No catch just helping a friend 😊

M/N: Ok????

Robert: So, you have until Friday to stop her by any means necessary.

M/N: What do you mean by any means?

Robert: Oh, you know, over time I am sure you will understand.

M/N: What?

Robert: Well goodnight and text me whenever you need me for anything, and I mean ANYTHING. I would think fast, you do not want to lose Henry and lose the opportunity to be with him.

What the hell you thought, you went to bed trying to forget what just happened until you started having a dream. You woke up in a room with Amy and Henry and they were just chatting and for some reason you were getting angry. “Henry is mine, and you won’t get in the way!” you said while running to her and before you could attack her  you randomly woke up startled. It was Saturday seven in the morning, and you decided to get up. You thought to yourself, “what in the world was that dream, can you really be willing to hurt someone over a crush”. You had no homework to do, and your brothers and parents were still sleeping, out of curiosity you looked up Amy on social media. Now knowing about her confession coming up you start realizing all the signs were there, she always liked Henry and now she was ready to tell him, if the legend is true then that means Henry will say yes and you will lose your chance with him. You grabbed your phone and texted Robert hoping he would be up. M/N: HEY WAKE UP

Robert: Well, someone is excited.

M/N: Can you find any info on Amy, I mean anything.

Robert: Oh, someone is all ready to plan, I wonder what it is.

M/N: Just shut up and do it please.

Robert: All right I will do my best, who am I kidding of course I will find something I am the best.

You wait for a bit and after some time Robert has sent you a file with general information about Amy, you read it, but nothing catches your attention. If they are friends her feelings for him will never go away, so what can you do? Unless you could somehow change his perspective of her that will cause him to think differently of him. That's it, you just need to make sure their friendship diminishes to the point where Henry cannot see himself in a relationship with her if their friendship is not working out, but can you do that in just one school week, well you must try at least.

#henry cavill x male reader #male reader #x male reader

[justagalwhowrites]

Beskar Doll - Ch. 22: Business

Hunting bounties requires at least two things: pucks and weapons. A continuation of Beskar Doll found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: The Mandalorian/Din Djarin x Female Reader

Warnings: None really! No use of Y/N. Whole fic is violent and smutty so Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 5.4k

“Kid,” Din’s voice was low, quiet. “I know you missed her, but she needs to rest, you can’t stay in here if you’re going to do that…” 

There was a squeak and a small hand on your face for half a moment before it was lifted away. A small grunt, this one in protest. 

“Let him stay,” you mumbled, reaching out with your eyes still closed. Din sighed and you smiled a little. “I missed him…” 

“I’ve been trying to keep him out of here,” the Mandalorian said. You felt the mattress shift as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “But he’s… resourceful.” 

“Well he’s a little sorcerer,” you said. The kid’s hand made it to your face again and you opened your eyes to his little face right in front of yours. He was smiling hugely, ears high, eyes wide. He was so thrilled and excited, you thought you’d only felt him like this when he was trying to pounce on the tiny creatures that burrowed into the ground on the uncharted world. You smiled. “Hey buddy. I’m really happy to see you, too.” 

You sat up just enough to give him a kiss on his little forehead before laying back down. Your whole body felt looser, calmer. It was more relaxed than you’d been in years. It was hard to find the motivation to move. 

“How far to Nevarro?” You asked, looking at the Mandalorian, who was watching you with the kid, leaning against the wall at his back. His armor glistened even in the low light. 

“Few more hours,” he said. “You’ve been asleep most of the trip. It seemed like you needed it.” 

“Yeah, can’t say I slept much the night before the meeting,” you said, holding a finger out for the kid to wrap his little hands around. He happily took it, manipulating your knuckles, exploring how your body moved. 

“And you’re healing,” he said, nodding to your shoulder. 

“Oh right,” you said, looking at the bandage. “I forgot about that.” 

He sighed. 

“You’re very bad at taking care of yourself,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Has anyone ever told you that.” 

“Hey, I’ve made it this far,” you said, the baby getting bored with your finger. You grabbed your braid and handed the end to him. He was enthralled. “I’m going to miss this when he figures out hair.” 

Din laughed and you smiled again. Damn, you loved that sound. 

“What happened down there?” He asked quietly. “You were supposed to locate Shadrin, not capture him.” 

“That’s what I’d planned to do, yes,” you said. “But… well, my identity may be more widely known with the Imperials than I thought.” 

“He knew you.” 

“Not well,” you sighed. “I’m guessing he saw an image of my face once or twice, or heard from another General or Moff that one of Sosha’s handmaids was the one who kept fucking up their plans. Describe the queen, you describe the handmaids. We have to look a fair bit alike so we can stand in for her. The ceremonial makeup can hide a lot, but… anyway. He identified me a few minutes after we got there. I wasn’t sure I getting out of there alive if I didn’t take him with me and I doubt we’d get another shot at him after this. I did what I had to.” 

Din nodded slowly. 

“You picked up a decent rifle,” he said, changing the subject. 

“Stole it off one of the idiots guarding Kree,” you smirked. “He decided to step into my striking radius with a fucking rifle, that’s how stupid he was. Anyway, he didn’t deserve it so I kept it.” 

“We can get it modded for you on Nevarro,” Din said. “It will serve you well.” 

“Still in touch with Karga then?” You asked, the kid abandoning the braid and deciding to climb up your rib cage instead. You held your arm out for him to use as a guide so he wouldn’t fall. Din nodded once. “Think he’ll remember me?” 

“Unfortunately yes,” he grumbled. You raised your eyebrows at him. “He may have… asked after you once or twice.” You frowned, surprised. “He wasn’t kidding when he said he was interested in your skills. Didn’t believe me when I said I hadn’t seen you since.” 

“He’s really not going to believe you now,” you teased, stretching a bit. You’d slept in a lot of really nice beds in your life - one of the perks of traveling with and standing in for a queen - but somehow, this bunk was the best one you’d known. 

“I shouldn’t have used a name I’d actually used with him,” you sighed. The kid started trying to get down from your rib cage and you held up your arms to guide him. “I didn’t think I’d be seeing him again, it was the name I used with Layari… it made sense at the time, but it might cause problems now if any Imps managed to track me to Tatooine.” 

“Not worried about the Hutts?” He asked. You shrugged. 

“I don’t think I’d have held their interest for very long,” you said. “And I think they got their pound of flesh.” 

“Your parents.” 

You nodded once, swallowing the tightness in your chest.

“What happened?” 

“Not sure,” you shrugged. “Heard it through a few channels, haven’t been back to Tatooine to look into it myself. Probably Hutts, maybe Imps who had tracked me that far.” You laughed darkly. “You know, my mother stood up to Vader himself once. At Amidala’s tomb. She survived that but couldn’t survive the mess I left behind.” 

The kid made it down to the bed and took your face in his little hands, his eyes meeting yours. He was worried. You smiled a little and stroked his ear. 

“It’s OK kiddo,” you said. “Long time ago now.” 

He wrapped his little arms around your head, putting your face into his tiny body. You hesitated a moment before giving him a squeeze. He cooed. 

“Thank you,” you said, your voice muffled by his robes. He stepped back, his eyes a little brighter. You kissed his nose. He felt satisfied, turning and toddling down the bed toward his dad. 

“You don’t have to meet with Karga,” Din said, holding his arm out for the kid to latch on to. “He doesn’t need to know you’re involved at all.” 

“I want to,” you said, finally sitting up, the blankets falling around your waist. You glanced at your injured shoulder, rotating it a bit and wincing. “If we’re going to be working together, I want a say in the pucks you grab. And if I give him the impression I might give him what he wants, maybe he’ll give us better pucks.” 

“I may not have been really utilizing my relationship with Karga over the last few years,” Din said, tone hesitant. You raised your eyebrows. “For a while, I was taking any puck he offered. Didn’t matter the price. He still came to me with the challenging things - I have the best record in the guild - but he’s been taking advantage of the fact that I’ll take any job.” 

“Why,” you frowned. “Have you been that short on credits?” 

“No,” he shrugged. “Haven’t exactly struck it rich but…” 

He was silent. You waited a moment for him to continue. 

“What then?” 

“It was…” he paused, cocking his head slightly. The kid fell down on his bottom, his ears jiggling. Din helped him up. “It was easier. Staying as busy as possible. Less time to think.” 

You weren’t quite sure what he meant but you didn’t press him. 

“I’m in desperate need of a shower,” you said after a while, leaning your head back against the wall and sighing. “Dreading taking my hair down with my shoulder though.” 

“I can do it.” 

Your head came off the wall so fast it made your head spin. 

“You can do what?” You asked, watching him. He shrugged. 

“Take your hair down,” he said. “I don’t mind.” 

You half expected him to tell you he was kidding but he was just silent, a wall of metal watching you. 

“OK,” you said, still skeptical. 

“Turn around,” he said, coming to the middle of the bed and setting the kid on his lap. You obeyed. It took a moment but then his fingers were in your hair, undoing the braid up the back of your neck and then gently pulling the strands apart as they worked their way up your skull. He’d taken his gloves off, his bare fingers brushing the skin of your neck and your scalp. He ran his fingers through your hair ever few twists up, untangling it. You closed your eyes and relaxed into his touch. It was strangely intimate. No one had unbraided your hair since Sosha. No man ever had. Goosebumps prickled up your arms, over your neck, heat settling low in your stomach. 

He reached the crown of your head, separating the strands, running his fingers through your hair. After a moment, you were almost sure it was because he was enjoying it. It had to be. Right? 

“There,” he said after a while, a strand of your hair still in his fingers. 

“Thanks,” you said. He’d kissed you when you got back. Actually kissed you - helmet off, his mouth on yours - kissed you. Kissed you in a way that sent a shockwave through your whole body. Kissed you in a way you’d never been kissed before. That had to mean something. He wouldn’t just do that. It had to be something besides feeling obligated to keep you alive. Didn’t it? 

The hand that had been in your hair softly dropped to your uninjured shoulder, running down it to your arm to your hand, his fingers slipping into yours. You looked at his hand, bare in yours. Your thumb ran over his skin. You wanted to kiss him again. You wanted to do much more than kiss him. 

“We’ll be to Nevarro soon,” he said softly. 

“Mmm,” you turned your head to glance over your shoulder to him. 

“We should be ready.” 

He left his hand in yours. You cautiously brought it to your lips and softly, slowly kissed his knuckles. His breathing stuttered. 

“We should,” you said, bringing your hands back down and reluctantly separating from him. You could still feel him there behind you for a moment before you got up and went to the fresher to clean up. 

***

Din was starting to think he should have pushed back on you meeting with Karga. At the time, it had seemed like a reasonable request. And he trusted Karga. Mostly. But it felt risky now and he didn’t like taking risks with you. 

You’d dressed differently this time than the last time he’d brought you to Nevarro. You treated clothes like costumes, he’d learned. They became an extension of whatever character you were playing at the time. When you’d been to Nevarro before, it was in the guise of a woman who knew how to navigate and manipulate people. You dressed more like a diplomat then. Now, you were a bounty hunter - or a bounty hunter’s assistant, anyway. You looked more lethal, your clothes were more utilitarian and your face was harder, the rifle from Jakku strapped to your back. 

“Let’s drop off the rifle first,” Din said, the kid in the bag at his hip. “Maybe they can finish the work while we meet with Karga and get out of here.” 

He turned to look at you but he realized, suddenly, that you weren’t beside him. You’d just been there, he’d stopped looking at you for only a second - it seemed like all he did lately was look at you - and he takes his eyes off you for a second and you vanish. 

Din was only frantic for a moment, spotting you quickly. He doubled back for you and realized why you’d stopped. You were staring, almost enthralled, at a street musician on the corner, a soft smile on your face. 

“Don’t disappear on me like that,” he tried to keep from growling at you. It took effort. You glanced up at him, meeting his gaze below the visor for a moment before looking back to the musician. 

“Sorry,” you said. “Just… I want to hear the rest of the song.” 

The kid peered out around his arm, watching the man play. Din frowned. The man wasn’t particularly good but you were fascinated and so was the kid, squirming away his his bag. He pulled him out and set him on the ground. He started swaying in time to the music, his ears tilting to hear it better. When the song ended, you and the kid both clapped and Din sighed, fishing a credit out of his pocket and setting it in the man’s cup. You gave him a pleased smile and turned to go back the way the three of you have been going. 

“Didn’t know you were a music fan,” Din said. 

“Aren’t you?” You asked, looking up to him. He shrugged. 

“Music is different for Mandalorians. It’s our history. Not… that.” 

You shook your head and smiled a bit as you scooped up the kid. You looked at him, your smile growing. His little arms flew out in glee as you propped him on your hip. 

“What do you like about it?” He asked, genuinely wondering. He was usually stuck trying to puzzle out the way your mind worked. You generally avoided exposing things about yourself. He wasn’t sure if it was a holdover from your work during the war or if you’d never felt comfortable talking about things you felt, but you tended to bundle it into yourself until something burst and it came rushing out of you before you could help it. It seemed like he only got to know you just before your broke. He wanted to change that.

You frowned, thinking for a moment. 

“I guess I just think music is kind of the best thing we’ve really done,” you said. The kid was tugging at your shirt and you brought your hair around from your back for him, just knowing what he wanted. You looked up at Din. “Think about how much time we, as people, have spent figuring out ways to kill each other and make money and get power. All that effort to hurt people. And then there’s music, this thing that everyone made. All the different cultures that have connected in this galaxy and all of us developed music at some point, something that exists just because we wanted it to, willed it to, because we feel something from it…” You trailed off, shrugging. “I just hadn’t really heard music in a while… not someone playing music, anyway. I kind of forgot what it was like.” 

He just nodded slowly. He could almost see your wheels turning, trying to pull any vulnerabilities back into yourself. You looked at him, one of the masks he’d gotten to know slipping in place. 

“Of course, where would we be without innovative ways to kill each other?” You smirked a little. “Speaking of which, you mentioned my rifle…” 

The Mandalorian took you to a weapons seller he knew in the city. Not as good as the armorer but, with the covert gone, he’d take what he could get. 

“You’re sure you want to put this kind of equipment on a weapon for your…” the man looked you over to you as you browsed a wall of knives, your hands behind your back like you were trying to not pick them up. “Friend? Seems like it might be overkill…” 

Din glared at him from below the helmet, intense enough that the man took a step back on instinct. The kid was back in the bag at his hip, looking up at him and frowning. 

“What about her makes you think it’s overkill.” Din’s voice was level and calm but the challenge in his tone was apparent. The man swallowed. 

“No, Mando, not… like that,” he said quickly. “But for someone who’s young and inexperienced with weapons…” 

“Doll.” He said. Your head snapped around, brows raised, frowning slightly. 

“Mando,” you said. He realized he didn’t think he’d ever called you Doll around anyone but the kid. 

“See a knife you like?” 

“I don’t need another one…” 

“Not what I asked.” 

You looked at him for a second before grabbing one off the wall. It was large, with a serrated edge. 

“This one is intriguing,” you said, walking over with it, passing it from hand to hand. “Well balanced.” You tossed it in the air, the blade flipping a few times before the handle landed back in your palm. You tossed it again and grabbed it out of the air to adjust your grip. “Heavy enough to do damage, light enough to use for long periods. Plus with the serration, I could probably take off a whole limb with it if I really needed. Which could be handy.” 

“Think it would throw well?” He nodded to a target on the wall behind the counter, clearly intended for decoration but you tossed the knife to adjust your grip and threw it, landing the blade dead center in the target with a thud. 

“Well enough,” you shrugged, turning back to the Mandalorian. “But I think I’m set on knives, just need to get the rifle modded.”

He looked back to the seller who was openly staring at you. You frowned, looking up at Mando. 

“OK then,” you muttered, going back to the wall of knives with a roll of your eyes. The Mandalorian repeated his question. 

“What about her makes you think it’s overkill.” 

“I think I have a few things your new partner might like,” he said quickly. Din smiled a bit, watching you for a moment as he followed the man across the shop. He had the strange, sudden urge to have you show your skills to everyone, have the whole galaxy know just how well you could do what you could do. And know that you were his. 

The weapons seller was eager to get back in the Mandalorian’s good graces, giving him a set of throwing stars for you free of charge when he took the rifle to build it out for you. 

“What was that about?” You asked, giving the baby your hand as he sat in his bag as the three of you made your way to Karga’s.  

“Proving a point,” Din shrugged. You don’t press him. 

“Is there a name you’d like to go by now?” He asked. “With Karga. Or anyone else. I can’t just call you Doll here.” 

“I think Alderaanian would be good,” you said. “Records from there are still very spotty for obvious reasons, it makes covering up a lack of ID and chain code issues a bit easier, though I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to really play that card…”

“How do you come up with the names?” He asked. “You’ve had a few.” 

“I try to think of people I’ve met from those worlds and people they’ve mentioned, try to come up with an amalgamation that sounds right,” you shrugged. “Of course, I usually have a little more time to vet things, make sure I’m not stealing someone’s identity but… I knew an Essa on Alderaan as a girl. I liked her. I don’t think she’d mind me using her first name.” 

“Essa,” the Mandalorian tested it, trying to tie the sound to you. It was hard. You were just… you. It almost made sense that you had so many different names, ways the universe knew of you. You were too much to contain in one title. You necessitated many. 

“Mando!” Karga greeted him with literal open arms, meeting him on the street and pulling him into a hug. He hesitated for a moment before briefly hugging him back. “How’ve you been? Enjoying your time off, I hope.” 

“I have someone for Cara on the ship,” he said. “Plus the bounty I called you about a few days back.” 

“Always all business,” he smiled before he properly noticed you. His face softened. “Amira!” 

“Karga,” you gave him a half smile. “Pleasure to see you again.” 

He took you by the shoulders and kissed your cheeks. Mando flexed his hand and ground his teeth. The kid squeaked, looking up at him. 

“You know, our mutual friend has been hiding you away,” his hands were still on you, sliding down your arms to take your hands. “Told me he hasn’t seen you in years.” 

“We ran into each other again a few weeks ago,” you smiled, but it was a guarded one. You didn’t trust Karga as far as you could throw him. You were good at hiding it, Din doubted Karga could tell. “We hadn’t seen each other in years before that.” 

He was still holding your hands. Din was done with it. He stepped into the narrow space between you and Karga, forcing the other man to step back and drop your hands. 

“That’s enough.” The kid made a worried squeak from his hip. Karga looked from Din’s helmet to you over his shoulder, his brows raised. You stepped alongside the Mandalorian, glancing up at him before looking back to Karga. 

“Gentlemen,” you smiled, keeping your eyes on Karga. “Conducting business on the street is poor form. Why don’t we take this conversation inside?” 

“Please,” Karga gestured to the door and you led the way inside, giving the Mandalorian an incredulous look as he passed you. 

You settled in Karga’s office, you looking out the windows instead of taking a seat near the desk. 

“Things have changed on Nevarro since I was last here,” you had the same distant, placating smile. Din wondered how many times you’d given him that smile before he’d learned it. 

“We’ve been making improvements,” he smiled, proud. “But it got easier when Mando helped us clear out some Imperial remnants.” 

You gave the Mandalorian a look. Impressed, he thought. He shrugged. 

“Before we get down to the business side,” Karga, sat down. “Mando, give me that baby and Amira, tell me what you’ve been up to the past three years. Thinking over my offer, I hope.” 

Mando sighed, picking the baby up out of the bag and setting him on Karga’s desk. He squealed and toddled to Karga and the Mandalorian looked your way. He could almost see your opinion of Karga change when you saw how the kid thought of him. Your gaze and smile shifted. More open. 

“Here kiddo,” Karga opened a desk drawer, pulling out a sleeve of cookies and putting them on his desk before handing one to the kid. Mando sighed. Karga turned his attention back to you. “So, Amira…”

“Essa,” you corrected him. “I’m afraid Amira died a few years back.” 

Karga nodded slowly. 

“And how long have you known Essa?” 

You glanced to the Mandalorian. He gave you a small nod. You looked back to Karga.  

“A few hours,” you shrugged. “Lived a few lifetimes since I was last here.” 

The kid finished his cookie and squeaked, holding out his hands. Karga obliged him. 

“Sounds like you’ve changed your mind about settling down then,” he smiled. “My offer still stands. Someone with your skills could be very valuable to the guild.” 

You shrugged, noncommittal. 

“Haven’t decided yet,” you said. “But I’d like to keep my debts to bounty hunters to a minimum. Once I’ve paid back Mando, I’ll consider it.” 

The kid finished his second cookie and started squeaking again, hands out. Karga went to give him another one, but the Mandalorian cut him off. 

“He doesn’t need any more than that,” he said, picking him up off the desk and putting him on his lap. “It’ll make him sick.” 

“Mando,” Karga said. “Let me spoil him, come on…” 

The child stretched his arm out, closing his eyes and concentrating. The Mandalorian caught it a second later than you did. 

“Mando!” You started reaching for the kid, even though you were too far away to do anything. The cookie flew into the kid’s hand and he smiled, immediately taking a bite. The Mandalorian sighed, shaking his head at the kid. He barely caught the flash of chrome as you pulled your blaster, leveling it at Karga. 

“Woah!” His hands immediately went up. Din jumped to his feet, all but dropping the kid on the desk and stepping between you and the other man. 

“Doll…” he cautioned, hands up. But it was like you didn’t even see him. 

“That wasn’t me, Essa, I swear,” Karga kept his voice level and calm. 

“I know it wasn’t,” you said. Your hand was steady as you moved yourself around the Mandalorian to keep Karga in your sights. “But you saw it.” 

“I did,” Karga said. 

“Doll,” Mando said again, edging closer to you. Your eyes darted to him and back to Karga. 

“It’s too risky for him to know,” you said. “What’s to stop him from informing on the kid?” 

“He already knew, Doll,” Mando said. You met his eyes behind his helmet and he closed the distance between the two of you. He kept his hands up, too, doing everything he could to make sure you didn’t see him as a threat. 

“And you trust him?” You asked, skeptical. 

“I owe the child my life,” Karga said, his tone the most honest the Mandalorian had heard him speak. “I’d never let something happen to him.” 

You glanced around the Mandalorian to Karga and back to his visor. 

“He’s safe, Doll,” Mando said. “Put down the gun.” 

There was half a moment where Din wondered if he’d be able to take you down if he needed to. Physically, he was capable of it. But he wasn’t sure if he could do it. Stand in your way, yes, but he didn’t think he could bring himself to tackle you and take your weapon. 

You lowered the blaster, putting it back in its holster. He heard Karga let out a breath and Mando stepped aside. He kept an eye on both you and Karga, waiting to see if he’d need to intervene. Your detached smile returned. The kid took a bite of his cookie.

“Apologies,” you said smoothly. “I didn’t know you were aware of the kid’s abilities. With the kind of people who are interested in him, I’d like to keep the number of people who know to a minimum.” 

“I understand,” Karga replied, sounding a bit out of sorts. He looked to the Mandalorian. “I thought her skills were limited to people.” 

He shrugged. 

“She’s got a few areas of expertise.” 

“And which life did that one come from?” Karga sat back down. You glanced at Mando before taking the seat across from Karga at his desk. 

“My first one,” you replied. “It involved a lot of protection work.” 

“I’d appreciate if you just used the people skills on me in the future,” he said. 

You smiled. 

“I’ll do my best.” 

Karga was back to business. 

“You mentioned owing Mando?” He was all but ignoring the Mandalorian then. You nodded once. He leaned across the desk toward you. “What if I were to buy him out? Just how much do you owe?” 

“A small fortune, I’m afraid,” you leaned forward, too, smiling slightly. “Besides, you sure you want to go into business with the kind of person who will pull a blaster on you?” 

“That’s the only kind of person I go into business with,” he replied. 

“She’s not for sale,” Mando growled, cutting off this conversation. The child’s ears dipped, looking between Karga and the Mandalorian. 

“Now Mando,” Karga looked at him. “I’m sure we could reach a nice agreement, I could even go a little over, make sure you get your money’s worth….” 

“She’s not for sale,” he stood up then. He felt your eyes on him. 

“Sounds like you’ll have to wait for me to work off my debts,” your eyes were still on him, he could feel you watching him. 

“Sit down, Mando,” Karga said, sitting back in his seat. “I’m not trying to poach your cohort. Not yet, anyway.” 

He ground his teeth but obeyed, glancing your way. You looked cool and at ease. He couldn’t tell if you really wanted him to sell your debt to Karga or not. Not that he considered you to have a debt to sell. If you really wanted to go, he’d let you. It would be hard, but he would say goodbye. 

“I take it you’ll be working together then?” Karga asked. Mando gave a stiff nod before you had a chance to reply. “Well, I have some pucks that will work better for two…” 

Din cut off the lowball offers that Karga sprinkled in with the others he put on the table, glancing your way to see if there was anything you were objecting to or concerned with before picking up a puck. 

“This one is sticky,” he put the puck on the table, bringing up the image of a young man, human. He had a black eye in his picture. “High bounty but high risk.” 

Mando was about to turn it down when you spoke up. 

“What kind of risk?” You asked. 

“He’s wanted for smuggling,” he said. “He would be a typical bail jumper but he ducked out on a hefty bond - 100,000 credits - and he fell in with a gang on Tatooine. He got in quick, already embedded. Had a few other guild members try to bring him in already but he keeps dodging them. It gets too dicey and they bow out. I’ve been saving the next shot at him for you, Mando. Warm or cold, 25,000.” 

“We can’t take work on Tatooine,” Mando said, but you cut him off. 

“Yes we can,” you said, about to go back to addressing Karga. Din cut you off. 

“No, we can’t,” he replied. “Too dangerous for you there.” 

“I want to go back, Mando,” you said. 

“No.” 

“Yes.” You turned back to Karga. “What’s the gang? Hutt adjacent?” 

“Not really,” Karga shrugged. “Weapons traders. They do trade with the Hutts but it’s no different than any other business relationship, no security backing.” 

“See?” You turned back to Mando. “It’s fine.” 

Din sighed. 

“Doll…” 

“You said I would get a say in what pucks we picked up,” you replied. “I want this one.” 

The Mandalorian looked at you for a moment. Your gaze was firm, mind made up. 

“Fine,” he said. “But first sign of…” 

“I know,” you cut him off. 

“I mean it,” he said. “I’m not risking you for a bounty. I don’t care how high it is.” 

You rolled your eyes and looked back toward Karga. 

“We’ll take it.” 

The kid was getting antsy and he got your attention, you reading him in the way you do. You smiled a little, shaking your head. 

“What? Mando asked. 

“Take a guess,” you replied. He sighed. 

“Want to take him to find something to eat?” He asked. “I’ll finish up here.” 

You scooped the kid up, pulling him into your side and putting him on your hip, heading out onto the streets of Nevarro. Din watched you go, looking at the door you went through for a moment too long after you were gone. 

“She know the real reason you won’t sell her debts?” Karga asked after a moment, a sly half smile on his face. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Mando replied. 

“Does she even owe you?” Karga asked. 

“No,” the Mandalorian said. “She won’t believe me when I tell her that, though. She’s done too much for me, she couldn’t owe me.” 

“Hard to put a price on something you’re not willing to part with,” Karga said. Din glared at him from below the helmet. “You could try telling her, Mando.” 

“No.” 

“Can’t hurt,” Karga said. 

“Yes, it can,” Din said sharply. “She’s been through enough.” 

Karga considered him for a moment. 

“You have men for me,” he said. “In carbonite, I assume?” Din nodded once. “You found the general, then?” 

“She did.” 

Karga nodded slowly. 

“Cara will be happy,” he said. Din went to a window, looking out at the street. He found you almost immediately, your back to him, the kid still on your hip. You were talking to him, your loose hair hiding most of your face from view, but the kid was reaching for you. He looked back to Karga. 

“Think you can do me a favor?”

A/N: If you're loving Beskar Doll and are OK reading elsewhere, through Chapter 40 is live on AO3. I'm playing catch up posting here and the whole fic will eventually be here, too. But if you'd rather not wait, you have options! Love you and thank you for being here!

#fanfic #mandalorian fanfic #enemies to friends to lovers #slow burn #din djarin #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x f!reader #the mandalorian x female reader

[natsumiheart]

Ever since I met you.

…Hello world! Lmao

Hi, I'm Natsumi, and I'm wondering who is even reading this but if you are, welcome to a very long post about how I got into Tears of Themis, how it helped me through such a hard time, and how I ended up falling in love with a certain detective.

I made this post for an event on hoyolab but I’m posting it here too in my trashcan! I already wanted to have a post documenting this online just for myself, even if in the future I cringe while reading it, I can look back and remember the emotions I felt through the year. I also wanted to share it with the world so that maybe people will feel like me, or come to appreciate this character that I love so much as much as I do. (you’re free to reblog btw!)

Warning: This post is mostly about Luke!

It contains spoilers about some Luke cards and some spoilers for his Blossom Chapter. There are small scenes from episodes 2 and 5 of main story as well. Oh, and Artem and Luke 2nd anniversary cards.

If you are here because you’re interested in learning or reading more about Luke and do not care much for the rest, I recommend the interlude, part 6, and The end: part 1. The other parts also talk about Luke and his stories but those are the most important in my opinion.

Due to Tumblr’s 30 image per post limit, this will be divided into 3 parts, each part added with a reblog.

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Index because this post ended up incredibly long so here are the parts laid out to read anything you’re interested in!

> Part 1: Introduction

(How did I learn about this game?)

> Part 2: Contact

(Getting the game)

> Part 3: The Beginning

(Starting the game and first impressions lol)

> Part 4: Falling

(FOR LUKE AHAH)

> Interlude: Luke Pearce’s Fear

> Part 5: Obsession

(How and why did this obsession start?)

> Part 6: Reflection

(Thinking back on Luke’s personality that attracted me)

> The end: Memories

(Extra memorable moments)

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Part 1: Introduction

I play Genshin (shocker) and I have some online friends who play it as well, so when Tears of Themis came out globally since it's made by Hoyoverse as well, most people who played genshin went to check it out. I discovered Tears of Themis through those people, and I was recommended the game by my online friends.

What was my response?

“I have no phone storage.” AAHAHAH, yes. I'm not a day one player. I only started during the second anniversary because back when the game came out despite being interested I could not play because I did not have any device that could handle the game. My phone could not handle Genshin's size either, it's not compatible to begin with- I played Genshin on the PlayStation [emoji]

However I did not forget about the game, I was just hoping that somehow one day, a miracle will happen and I will be able to play mobile games like other people LOL but what are the odds of that happening?... Well, a miracle happened 2 years later.

Bonus: I had a little beef at the time with Artem because I kept thinking drawings of him were actually of Jumin who is a very well written character I love like crazy from mystic messenger since 2016 BWAHAHA

Every masterpiece.. has its cheap copy.. IM JKJK PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN AHAHA

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Part 2: Contact

So one day I was visiting my aunt's house and met my cousin's acquaintance. I met the guy for like.. only 2 hours and during those hours my cousin told him about how I draw digitally but I have been drawing on an 8 year old phone that stays alive for like 30 mins at a time AHHAHA

The guy was like “That's it, I'm getting you an iPad to draw on.” I laughed, thinking he was joking- but then 2 days later I received TWO iPads, one for me and one for my little sister! W t f. Angels do exist on earth? And I was never able to thank him in person because he's a busy guy who only visited my village and I never saw him again o.o

Can you guess what I started doing when I got it? Download a bunch of games I wanted to try throughout the years but couldn't! Among them was Tears of Themis. My house didn't have the best Internet and had a couple hours of electricity a day so I downloaded it very slowly at my aunt's house.

I remember so clearly about how I sat next to my sister as I was downloading the game, and it started playing the second anniversary promotion video since it was starting during that time. At first I was like “aww, they proposing!” but suddenly things turned spicy and I almost dropped the iPad from my hand HAHA.

I did not know what to expect going into this game because I stayed away from spoilers and videos about it since I knew I wanted to get into it myself one day (I was interested in the main story). It made me sad too to be honest because I wanted to play it but couldn't, so I avoided it for years.

I however, did not expect at all that the game would get THAT spicy LMAO my sister noticed my reaction and she was like “What's up?” And I was like “you cannot see this” though she is older than the game’s age rating AHAHHA

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Part 3: The beginning

I was so excited getting into this game! When I started I was incredibly hooked to the main story, and at the time.. hear this.. I had a bias towards Artem because he looked like Jumin AHAHA

I was honestly more interested though in the main story than the boys, because the boys didn't make me feel much at the time- I do not have a “love at first sight” I never had that kind of experience for real life people or fictional people. (Anyone can experience it, and that's valid! It's just for me personally that never happens.)

After knowing characters and learning more about them, that's when sometimes- I fall in love with them as a character, they end up giving me so much happiness just seeing them, they give me comfort.. And they fill up my sketchbooks HAHA is this love romantic? Usually no, that's very rare!

I did not feel much for Artem (turns out the only thing he and Jumin have in common were their looks and being socially awkward, shocker-) but I had a little interest that led to me pulling for his second anniversary card when I started being able to wish. I lost- and got a standard Artem, but then I won and got his card LMAO you can get a lot of wishes starting off. However I was doing the stories of the standard SRs, along with the main story and someone.. someone was warming up a lot to my heart.

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Part 4: Falling

The boys were all very interesting and lovely characters! (The NPCs as well!!)

Artem, despite how he comes off at work, is actually just a shy guy who is bad at communication outside of work.

Vyn is actually a very interesting and well written character being very different than the rest of the cast due to his unique upbringing (honestly? His family feels like a cult, bro literally is running from a cult) and you learn more about his own psychology the more you get to know him.

Marius is literally just an artist who wants to chase the life he wants but is hindered by responsibility and his position.

And Luke- Luke stole my heart LOL

First off, he's a detective and I've already confessed online to having a thing for detectives by a drawing- that starting since I was a kid and I watched detective conan🧍‍♀️his introduction chapter.. was very interesting. It was literally the first episode, Rosa clearly knows and cares about this character right off the bat you're like hmm? What was this guy doing for 8 years? Why did he show up now after so long? Almost making him suspicious even. But he and Rosa seemed so close despite it all.

After that Luke had started showing up in the story here and there, a moment that made me go “ohh.. what a cool guy.” Was when after Marius’ case in episode 2, he shows up on a bike like “get in we outta here” and saved her from all the reporters.

His theme plays at this scene.. my heartttt

Revealing he'd been watching her and the case from afar and was literally waiting for her to get out and get her away.

I started reading the standard SRs, the first one I did was “Among the great blue” which honestly I recommend everyone doing again because I bet you all do not remember Luke saying this about Jellyfish

The card made me go *the rock eyebrow raise* GAHAH and at the time I was all innocent, not knowing anything about what Luke was going through, so when Rosa woke up and did not find him sleeping next to her (after she invaded where he's supposed to be sleeping lmao) and Luke was hunched over like “I'm fine I just accidentally swallowed gum lol” I actually believed him 💀 there were signs, but it would fly over a player's head until things are revealed ON THE FIRST FREAKING ACT OF HIS PERSONAL STORY and suddenly everything makes sense. Wow.

When I started personal story, I was just starting it because starting all of them is part of the “Rookie tasks” event you get when you start the game. Only to be punched in the gut immediately.

This is LITERALLY what you’re greeted with when you start his story 💀

I was starting to warm up to this guy and you're telling me.. he's sick and planning to leave us.. omg.

I got to choose one limited SR from the Rookie event, and I thought Luke looked adorable so I picked his card "A star in the palm" and the story.. omg that card, I'm weak. Everyone needs to see it, READ IT!

It’s illegal to be BOTH handsome and adorable smh

After that I started WANTING to do more Luke stories so I did the other standard SRs “Radiant Sunlight”, “Timely Rescue”, “Inner Sanctum”. They were all so good, my favorite being Inner Sanctum for how much it messed with my heart.

Dude is literally falling and he STILL makes sure to protect her.

I- was dying. I started pulling for Luke's anniversary card, starting to regret my choice going for Artem's. But he wouldn't come-

So I went back to main story because that's how you get the most schips, and guess what- I had reached episode 5…

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Interlude: Luke Pearce’s Fear

The way episode 5 starts, Luke joins the NXX and Rosa is incredibly surprised seeing him there introducing himself as an agent from the NSB. Meanwhile Luke… is mad.

At first he can't believe Artem would even make her do this but she confirms to him that it was her decision, and then he spills the truth about his identity, and about where he's been the past 8 years. He apologizes, for lying, for planning to leave her again, for everything.

And then this happens.

You guys, this scene made me go straight up insane. You can tell how much he had cared and loved her for all these years, and how his biggest fear is literally the main character getting hurt or something happening to her. I felt so emotional over it, that after this act I started DESPERATELY pulling for his card and I finally- finally got it

Episode 5 BTW is one of my favorites in the main story, it is 3 parts because it's THAT good. It's when people will start seeing what Luke is as a character, what's beneath the surface you see in episode 1. (Also this episode introduced the best character: Hugh Moss AHAHH)

The parallel between Rosa, and Jasmine (the reporter whose case you investigate), was not lost on me. That reporter died trying to expose the truth which is exactly what Rosa has been trying to do. I think the entire chapter literally is showing you why Luke is so scared of her continuing the path she's in.

But you know what's the best part? He's freaking terrified, yet he never forces her to leave. He says this:

People keep saying Luke is a red flag that keeps trying to control Rosa and her actions and I swear my reaction is always “Are you even paying attention?” Luke never forces Rosa, he only shows he's against it, but he always says he will support her whatever decision she makes.

A similar more light-hearted situation is the story of his summer card “Iridescent Heartbeat” where Luke is afraid of Rosa getting hurt or doing things that are too much for her so he doesn't consider doing things such as Bungee jumping or rafting. But Rosa insists that she wants to do it and when she's visibly afraid later, Luke teases her a bit (LOL)

but then holds her close to him and soothes her saying there's nothing to be afraid of cause he's there.

He encourages her to do what she wants! And when she does indeed get hurt because the rope was too tight around her leg, he does NOT put the blame on her, but on himself-

Y'ALL HOW IS THIS GUY CONTROLLING??

(The scene after kinda got on my nerves cause Rosa got “angry” that he’s not his usual “cheerful self” like girl I love you but please- can’t you see how much you getting hurt affects him? She pretends that she’s angrier than she actually is making Luke apologize over and over like 💀 but tbh it was also funny, I don’t like how she handled it but it was funny lol)

When they go rafting Luke lets Rosa take the lead and he will follow her because she wanted to prove to him that he doesn't need to plan everything, however Rosa's plan backfires, things go horribly wrong and she can't figure out how to get the raft to go straight. Luke again, does not reprimand her in any way and only helps her so she can do what she wants. Later on even after they've fallen off the raft and onto the water he immediately holds her and takes her up to the surface so worried like “are you okay???” And despite all that, he says she's right. That she's always right and he will stop trying to plan and go more with the flow. 

Luke never tried to control Rosa, he just loves her so much that he does not want to ever see her in pain or sad. He wants her to be the happiest girl in the world.

So who is Luke? Luke is the coolest mf, a guy that always jumps into action to help others with a heart so damn big that his own emotions slowly destroy him. He has felt an astronomical amount of guilt and regret since childhood- and has cared for and loved the main character just as long. The girl who is the reason he was able to keep his sanity, the girl who he always wanted to protect, and the girl who is the reason he is still here today. 

I wholeheartedly believe that without Rosa in his life, Luke would've ended up completely different, if still alive at all.

Bonus: I remember people being like, the characters have gemstones that match their color in the proposal ring, so why does Luke have Ruby instead of something like Topaz? This is why.. the ruby in the ring represents Rosa (getting emotional over here omg) and honestly that ring is freaking insane because not only did he design and make it and its box by himself for years.. but a ruby is inside the key that Rosa gave to him.

Remember how Luke when you click on the key in visit says “I wear it like this to have it as close as possible to my heart” now look at the key.. if the Ruby is Rosa, and Luke’s heart is the key, do you see what he conveyed in that ring? Yea, I’m crying too. 

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Part 5: Obsession

I have a bit of an obsession problem, I've been obsessed with stories, games, or characters and that obsession can last years of my lifetime. And it's understandable, when you're going through terrible things in your life, you get attached to what makes you feel happy and you hold on to that feeling. That's what starts that obsession.

When I got the second anniversary Artem card I did the story immediately and it was.. it was alright. Artem wants to propose, but in his attempt to keep it all secret distances himself too much and gets Rosa worried, but then wow! He proposes with the help of his coworkers and happy ending + things get a bit spicy at the end. 

But I felt like.. like I'm getting deja vu AHAHA like I've seen this kind of story a million times before. (Probably cause I did from watching a bunch of kdramas and having consumed a bunch of stories from a lot of media) It did not exactly get me to feel anything much, I'm sure it's different for Artem stans though having him propose after probably following his story for 2 years XD good on you guys have fun with your mans! 

For me though who had just started, it did not have that much of an effect. After I got the Luke anniversary card I was excited and went into the story oh so innocently not knowing back then that Luke cards are honestly heart wrenching. 

It led to me crying in bed while the sun was rising from the window as Luke says “That's because I love you.”

The way how he blocks the wind from her and lets it hit him instead at that exact moment is freaking PEAK writing.

That card showed me a lot more about this man who is so shackled by his own emotions and circumstance, that he's willing to sacrifice everything even his own wants and dreams for the one he loves.

Have you guys seen that one official art with Rosa posing as Themis? And the boys are represented by the objects around her? Luke is the sword, Artem is the balance, Vyn is the blindfold, and Marius is the snake by her leg.

It starts to make sense why Luke is holding onto her sword to the point of bleeding, he's bleeding yet he looks up to her in absolute devotion not caring for what happens to him and his eyes are only always on her. He’s willing to be her sword, to take all of the pain and protect her so she can be happy.

My life.. has not been what is considered “normal”. I'm not going to give my backstory in this post aHAHAH but at the time when I started Tears of Themis I was going through a very bad point in my life where I was close to have given up completely on my future and accepted my fate as it is. I had shut down completely, and I went back to becoming a shut-in which is honestly something I went through for four years before, it wasn't good. 

When you reach that point, you start becoming apathetic to everything.

Luke however, somehow started making me start having emotions again. Reading and learning about this character was actually affecting me in a way I have not been affected in a long time. He felt.. real, like I could feel his emotions, his love, his despair.

And that's part of why I got so attached to him and he became my comfort, because of him, I started to feel human again.

AHA CRINGE. OK enough with the sadness.

But I'll never forget how much Luke and Tears of Themis helped me keep a grip during those hard months. I'm in a better place now, it's not good- but it's better, and I still just open this game and visit Luke to help me ground myself.

One time after a bad day I accidentally touched him and he said this, I went insane-

I think that says a lot about the state of my sanity AHAHAH 

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[To be continued in reblog]

#tears of themis #luke pearce #xia yan #lukerosa #rant #my complete insanity has shown its head once again #I just— love him so much LOL

[dbnightingale24]

A Dream Worth Chasing

Part two to ‘You’ve Always Been My Dream’

~~

~~

Okay, so I’m fucking annoyed because I just spent an hour editing all of this, just so Tumblr could fuck me over. ANYWAY, this is part two to ‘You’ve Always Been My Dream’. Thank you @fuckingbye​ for making such an amazing mood board, but also being an amazing wedding planner, and an amazing friend. I love you so much. Thank you all so much for your patience, there's so much going on right now. Okay, I hope you all enjoy it!!

Word Count: 35,640 (be proud of me please)

Warnings: SMUT (so much), MINORS DNI, Angst, Swearing, Age kink, Family drama, lying, drinking, FLUFF, Arguing, Drinking, Oral (m/ receiving) (f/ receiving), Degrade kink, Daddy kink, Unprotected sex (reader is on birth control but it’s nit mentioned), Anxiety, Lying, Cheating (I guess), and more shit I’m sure I forgot

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone

Summary: You and Andy just can’t quit one another, so you’re both done trying. However, your new found love means that you now have friction with your best friend. How the hell are you two supposed to tell Jacob that you’re in love with one another?

I do not give consent/permission for my stories/works to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

Part 1

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“Why didn’t you answer me?” Laurie asks as she makes her into the bedroom.

“I think it’s pretty obvious that I was sleeping,” Andy scoffs and you hear his feet shuffling around the bedroom.

After quickly making sure you had everything (except the panties Andy ripped off of you because he refuses to give them back), you ran into Jacob’s room just in time. Now, you have the privilege of hearing them going back and forth.

“I called you-”

“Laurie, my phone is downstairs. I don’t feel like going back and forth with you, especially when I’m just waking up, so I’m not fucking going to.”

“You spent the night with her and expect-”

“Her being in the same house as me while sleeping doesn’t mean we fucking spent the night together.”

“You had no problem telling her to stay!”

“Would you have preferred that she drive in that shit and crash into a fucking pole? You saw the same fucking storm I did, it was a shit show! It’s not her fault that Jacob didn’t show up, so leave her alone!”

“Andy-”

“She means nothing to me, Laurie. I barely fucking know her, so just drop it!” he snaps.

You know why he’s saying it, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting any less. It doesn’t help that, less than 24 hours ago, you gave yourself to him completely.

You don’t want to be mad, but you’re fucking pissed.

“I don’t mean to start an argument, Andy. I just wasn’t expecting...I did something for us,” Laurie beams.

“What?”

What?

“I booked us two tickets-”

“Don’t even finish that statement. You know I can’t just randomly take off from work-”

“We used to go on spontaneous trips all the time!”

“Things change and I can’t-”

“Hello!?” Jacob calls from downstairs, reminding you that you need to finish getting dressed.

“Hey bud!” Andy responds and you roll your eyes.

You’ve been awake for all of 20 minutes and you already have a fucking headache.

“Y/N, are you up?” Jacob asks as he knocks on the door to his bedroom, “I’ve-we’ve got news for you!”

“Jesus, are you two pregnant?” you laugh awkwardly as you open the bedroom door.

“No, not yet,” Jacob laughs “we got the place! Took longer than we wanted, but we got the place we wanted!”

“That’s amazing! Jake, I’m so damn happy for you!” you smile as you wrap him in a hug. “You too, Sarah!” you beam as you let go of him and wrap her in a hug just as tight.

As you two break apart, you can tell by the look on her face that she knows something is wrong.

“Hey, what is this I hear about you getting a place?” Andy bellows as he walks out of his bedroom with just his pajama pants on.

Gorgeous asshole.

“Yeah, we got the call last night at around...7? Sarah’s parents knew before you guys,” Jacob laughs as he goes to give Andy a hug.

“I’m so happy for the both of you!”

“Jesus Andy, what the hell happened to your back?” Laurie questions as she lightly traces her hand over his back.

It’s taking all the strength you have to not face palm yourself.

“What do you mean?” Andy asks, avoiding looking at you as if his life depends on it.

“Your back is covered in marks!”

“I mean I used that back scratch thing you got me-”

“If these are the results, never use it again,” she mutters.

“We should all go out to celebrate,” Jacob suggests and it’s obvious he just wants to get the fuck out of the house.

“Oh, I at least need to shower,” you laugh awkwardly as rub you the back of your neck.

“You can shower here!”

“I don’t wanna wear the same clothes two days in a row. How about we do dinner? That gives everyone time to get ready,” you suggest, thinking it’s the best way to end the most cringe worthy conversation you’ve ever had in your life.

“Dinner is actually a great idea! It gives your father and I enough time to set a reservation and everything,” Laurie squeals, and it pisses you off that you’ve done something to make her happy.

“Sushi?” Sarah smiles, noticing your anxious state.

“If we’re not paying, I don’t care,” Jacob laughs as he wraps his arms around her.

“Tonight is on us, I promise,” Laurie laughs as she takes Andy’s hand in hers.

You want to throw up.

“How does six sound?” you ask as you step into your Vans.

“Six is perfect!”

“Six it is,” you smile at everyone “I’m gonna head out!”

You take your time going down the steps, but the minute you’re outside, you’re practically running to your car.

What the fuck?!

How the hell did everything go so wrong so fast? One minute you’re in heaven with the man of your dreams, the next you’re listening to him lie to his wife about how you mean nothing to him.

Fucking alcohol.

The entire drive back to your place, your phone won’t stop buzzing and you know it’s Andy. You know you shouldn’t be mad at him, and you know he didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t stop the stinging those words left. By the time you’re back at your place, your headache has evolved into a migraine. You finally look at your phone and you have eight unread texts from Andy and two from Sarah.

Babydoll: Okay, what the fuck was that about?

Babydoll: I knew it! I fucking knew it! I knew you two were gonna fuck last night!

Y/N: Please don’t say anything to Jake.

Babydoll: What the fuck happened?!

Y/N: Sleepover tonight? I need a minute to fucking decompress because what the fuck?!

Babydoll: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Y/N: Ugh, we’ll talk about it tonight, just...idk, act normal.

Babydoll: I swear to fuck, you two.

Y/N: Imagine how the fuck I feel.

You take a deep breath before getting out of your conversation with Sarah, and tapping on the text conversation between you and Andy.

My Heart: I am so fucking sorry, sweetheart.

My Heart: It hurt me to say it, but you know I didn’t mean it.

My Heart: Nothing has changed. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to be with you. I will be with you, I promise.

My Heart: Honey, please don’t be mad at me. I just fucking panicked.

My Heart: Just call me when you’re home, okay? Or let me know, and I’ll come over.

My Heart: I just don’t want this to be over as quickly as it started.

My Heart: You know you mean the world to me, please don’t take it to heart.

My Heart: I love you.

Y/N: I can’t talk to you right now, Andy.

My Heart: Please, just call me or let me see you. I don’t want our first argument to be about this.

Y/N: Andy, I can’t fucking do this right now.

My Heart: Well, when can you?

Y/N: I don’t fucking know, Andy! I’m not the one who said that you mean nothing to me!

My Heart: Please, even if it’s just for a moment, just let me plead my case in person!

Y/N: I really just can’t fucking do this right now. I need to lay down and I need to think.

My Heart: Please don’t change your mind, sweetheart. There’s so much that you still just don’t know yet.

Y/N: I’ll see you later, Andy.

You plop down on your bed and try to calm your emotions, but you can’t. You really shouldn’t be mad at him, because what else was he supposed to do? If Jacob wasn’t in the picture, you’re more than sure he would’ve been fine with telling Laurie the truth, but the fact of the matter is that you both would never want for Jacob to find out that way.

Still, he didn’t have to say that.

You know he feels terrible and he probably felt guilty right after he said it, but it still hurt. The one person who means the world to you and made you feel like the center of his universe, said out loud that you mean nothing to him. Yeah, it was a lie, but it still hurt like a bitch. In that moment, it felt like he was treating you like everyone else in your life had. Your parents, your so called “friends”, all of the guys you had dated...trauma is a son of a bitch.

As you toss and turn, trying to find some peace of mind and get some rest, your mind can’t stop going over last night. The more you keep trying to tell yourself that it was just sex, the more you know it’s all bullshit. No, it wasn’t traditional love making, but you felt his passion in every thrust. You felt his desire in every kiss, you saw the love in his eyes, and you felt care in his every touch.

Andy wasn’t trying to play you for a fool, and you know that in your heart of hearts, Andy’s love for you is just as genuine as yours is for his. So why can’t you just get the fuck over it? You know he didn’t mean it, so why isn’t it enough to just let it go and pretend you didn’t hear it?

Because he’s everything to you.

Nonetheless, by the time five o’clock rolls around, you’re dragging your feet about getting ready. You take the longest shower you’ve probably ever taken in your life, and you take your time picking out your outfit. Yeah, Andy’s sorry and feels like shit, but you still decide that torturing him all through dinner is your best move. It’s getting closer to summer, so the weather is nice enough that you can dress in something that’ll make him salivate.

You decide on one of your more flirty white crop tops, and your light blue denim jean shorts that hug your ass perfectly. Seeing as you just got a mani and a pedi last week, it’s only fair that you wear your favorite pair of open toed white sandals. Yes, it’s petty and unnecessary, but if he’s going to pretend that you mean nothing to him, why shouldn’t you pretend that he means nothing to you?

It’s childish, but fuck all if you aren’t tired of being made to feel like shit by those who mean the most to you.

You park right next to Laurie’s car when you pull up to the restaurant and fight the urge to key her car when you get out, telling yourself that would be taking it too far and she isn’t worth it.

“I love that shirt!” Sarah beams as you make your way over to the table where everyone is seated.

Andy looks up at you and almost chokes on his drink.

Good.

“I figured I’d finally pull something out of my closet that’s appropriate for the season. The weather is finally nice enough,” you chuckle as you take a seat, “did I miss anything?”

“The waitress took drink orders, so I got you a whiskey neat,” Jake shrugs, not even bothering to look up from his menu.

“You know me so well. So, tell me all about the new place!”

“It’s gorgeous!” Sarah squeals. “It’s a two bedroom, it’s not far from where Jacob is gonna start working after graduation, it’s only 20 minutes from my job, it’s not far from you at all, and it feels like home as soon as you step inside! You’re gonna help us move in, right?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it!”

“You sure you won’t get cold in that shirt?” Laurie asks with a small laugh, but the look in her eyes lets you know that she’s pissed.

“Well, it’s 72 degrees outside, so I think I’ll be okay,” you smile softly.

“Leave her alone, Laurie. She’s a gorgeous young woman, let her take advantage of the nice weather. Especially after that shit show of a storm we had last night.”

Now it was Sarah’s the one chocking on her drink.

“Yeah, what the hell was that? That was insane!” Jacob laughs incredulously, completely oblivious to the tension.

As usual.

“I owe you a new bottle of whiskey,” you laugh, looking down at your menu, realizing that you don’t have a clue as to what you’re gonna eat.

“No, it’s my fault. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s really not a big deal. You didn’t know it was gonna happen. Besides, I had fun,” you smirk, and you see Sarah’s eyes go wide from the corner of your eye.

“What did you get into?” Laurie questions, trying to hide the alarm in her tone.

“Played some of Jacob’s games, watched some movies on TCM, and had small talk with Mr. Barber when I went downstairs to get myself another drink.”

“Oh? What about?”

“What it’s like to be satisfied after living a life where you haven’t been.”

“What are you satisfied about?”

“Work is finally going the way I want it to,” you lie with a pleasant smile, before looking up at Laurie.

“Has anyone been able to figure out what they want? Everything sounds amazing and I love sushi too much,” Sarah laughs awkwardly, and the look on Andy’s face lets you know that he’s trying his best to contain his amused his smirk.

“I’m pretty sure I know what I’m getting. Y/N?” Jacob questions looking over to you.

“Well, I’m definitely gonna have the pork goyza for for my appetizer, but I’m on the fence about what I want as my main course.”

“What are you stuck between?” Andy asks with a smile that makes you weak.

“The spicy salmon maki and the tempura maki.”

“I’m having the same issue,” he chuckles.

“How about I get the spicy salmon, you get the tempura maki, and we’ll split it?”

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jacob interrupts “you’re my splitting food buddy!”

“We can still split fried handmade spring rolls.”

“Alright, then you and my dad can split whatever, I don’t care,” he smiles as he closes the menu and you shake your head. “How about you mom?”

“How about me what?” she smiles, finally turning her attention from you to Jacob.

“What are you gonna get?”

“Oh, pad thai. As always,” she shrugs.

As the evening goes on, you truly wonder how Jacob has no clue what’s going on. Laurie glares at you on and off, Andy is doing all he can not to look at you, Sarah is doing her best to pretend she doesn’t have a clue as to why there’s so much tension, you barely look at Andy or Laurie, and then there’s Jacob.

So completely ignorant to everything that’s going on, and you envy him so much. They really weren’t lying when they said that ignorance is bliss. However, this also makes you wonder how the hell you’re gonna tell him about you and Andy.

Is there even anything to tell?

Of course there is. It’s one argument and Andy didn’t even mean it. But still. Can he handle it? Can you handle it? Your heart has never burned for anyone before, and Andy is all you’ve ever wanted and more, but will he still want you once everything comes out? Will he be willing and ready to to handle the shit show that’s bound to take place when Laurie loses her shit? Is he ready to argue with Jacob? Handle Jacob not wanting to talk to him?

Will he still truly love you?

By the time everyone is finished with dinner, you have a migraine.

“Can we get separate checks?” you ask the waitress as she comes to collect the empty plates.

“Oh no! This is on Andy and myself!” Laurie exclaims with a false smile.

The last thing you want is a fucking handout from Laurie Barber.

God, it fucking sucks that they still share a last name.

“No, it’s perfectly fine. This was to celebrate Sarah and Jacob. I’m fine to cover my end,” you smile at her before turning your attention to the waitress, “my drinks and what I ordered can go on a separate bill.”

She only smiles and nods before walking off.

“I feel awful,” Laurie chuckles.

“It’s perfectly fine. I got a raise, so it’s actually affordable.”

“You got a raise?!” Jacob exclaims.

“It’s a recent development.”

“Why do I feel like I never know what’s going on in your life?”

“Because I never know what’s going in my life.”

“Anything else I should know about?” he asks with a small laugh.

Oh Jacob, there’s so much more you need to know.

“I think we’re all caught up,” you lie with a plastic smile as the waitress returns with the checks.

You’ve never been more excited to get out a place so fast.

“Alright, we’re moving the beginning of next month, you sure you’ll be able to help out?” Jacob asks as all of you stand in front of your car.

“I don’t care if I just have to pull a no-call/no-show, I’m going to be there. This is a huge step and I’m more than happy to be there for you!”

“You’re the best friend I could ever ask for,” Jacob smiles as he engulfs you in a tight hug.

You hate keeping all of this a secret from him.

“I’ll text you all of the information later, okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” you smile at him as you force yourself to hold back tears.

You’ve never lied to Jacob, and a lie this big feels like the worst betrayal in the world. But how do you tell him? How do you make him understand?

You get into your car and quickly start it before almost speeding off. The entire drive you’re at war with yourself, because for as terrible as you feel, it’s not enough to make you want to stop. It’s not enough to pull you away from Andy. It’s not enough to convince you that all of this is a bad idea. In fact, you’re not sure if anything is capable of making you feel that way. Andy has been the center of your universe since you two spent that night eating ice cream on the hood of his car, and it’s only grown over time. For as much as you’re terrified of what’s to come, it’s not enough to make you quit on the both of you.

It’s not enough to make you stop loving him.

The second you step foot back inside your apartment, you kick off your shoes and make yourself a drink.Yes, they’re better ways to handle the situation, but you aren’t interested in any of that right now. You just want Andy and you want to be numb.

You’re alone for an hour before you hear, “bitch, open up! We gotta talk!”

You can’t help but giggle as you make your way over to the door and open it, “took you long enough.”

“What the fuck was that?!” Sarah exclaims as she makes her way inside your apartment. “You two are insanely cute, but in front of Laurie?! What the fuck?!”

“I don’t understand what the hell that was either.”

“Okay, lets rewind. What the hell happened last night?” Sarah asks as she makes her own drink.

“Well, when I got there yesterday, I saw Andy’s car but no one answered when I called out, so I assumed I was alone. When I woke up and discovered that not only was I not seeing you and Jacob, but also wouldn’t be able to leave, I put on Jacob’s hoodie, and finished off his whiskey. I wanted to get drunk so I could go to bed, so I went downstairs, without pants, to steal a bottle.”

“Ah shit.”

“And guess who was sitting in the dark, drunk, and watching the Turner Classic Movies channel?”

“Jacob said Mr. Barber’s been into black and white films a lot lately. Wait, why weren’t you wearing pants?”

“I thought I was alone and don’t like sleeping in pants when I’m alone.”

“That’s fair, so what happened?”

“He asked why I came downstairs and I told him that I was gonna grab a glass and a bottle of something to drink, and he told me to grab a glass and have a seat with him.”

“You didn’t think to put on pants?”

“When I said I would, he told me it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before.”

“Come again?!”

You sigh as you get up, going into your bedroom and grabbing the picture  he gifted you on Christmas,

“He came by on Christmas and left this and a key chain gifted in front of my door. When he was back in his car, he called me and we talked for a bit. I sat in my window sill,” you nod over to the window, “and I wasn’t wearing any pants. Nothing had happened at that point.”

“When did you two take this photo? You both look so happy,” she smiles softly.

“We used to go on late night drives together. When he couldn’t sleep, he would pick me up and we’d hangout. Sometimes we’d just drive around and talk, other times we’d get food. That was a selfie I took of us the first time we hung out. We got ice cream at 2am and stayed up till the sun came up. That was the night I realized that I’m in love with him,” you finish in almost a whisper as you tear a little.

“Y/N-”

“Anyway,” you interrupt as you clear your throat “that’s what he meant. I grabbed a glass and sat down next to him and he vented. Apparently, Laurie had a full blown affair the first time she cheated. The guy would buy her flowers, take her on dates, get them hotel rooms, they fucked quite a lot...it was a whole thing. However, when she came clean to Andy, he forgave her cause he wanted to make it work. Then, a few months ago, maybe a year at this point I’m not too sure, she cheated again because he didn’t answer his phone and she got all pissy. So, that’s why he started yelling about a divorce that night you told me Jacob told you about-”

“Hold the fuck up! She did what?! And she’s treating you like shit?! You and Mr. Barber?! JACOB DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS BECAUSE BOTH OF YOU ARE WAY NICER THAN SHE DESERVES, BUT SHE’S GONNA GIVE YOU BOTH A HARD TIME?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“Yeah, that’s only part of what I’m feeling,” you scoff, finishing off your drink and pouring yourself another. “So, I started to tell him that I was sorry and he told me I had no reason to be sorry. He told me how much he loves me, how much he wants to be with me and he doesn’t understand why we can’t be...when I went to tell me to stop, he told me to get on his lap...I couldn’t have stayed away if I had tried. It doesn’t help that I’ve craved nothing but his touch since the last time we made out-”

“Back the fuck up, you two did what now?!”

“The night I bailed on you guys because I was fed up with my day, I went to a club and Andy was there with his friends, because Laurie wanted him out of the house since I was supposed to be there. He begged me to let him take me home, because he couldn’t stand to see me leave with another man. We got to my place, things were said, he brought me upstairs and as he was about to leave, I grabbed him and kissed him. We made out for all of 5 minutes before he stopped it. He felt bad because I was drunk and he said it felt like he was taking advantage of me.”

“You kissed him!”

“That’s what I said, but he said it didn’t matter. Anyway, last night...we fucked around a little on the sofa, then we went upstairs and into his bedroom and...,” you trail off and a small smile comes to your face at the memory.

“Okay, I know I shouldn’t ask because he’s my boyfriend’s dad, but you gotta tell me,” she giggles and you burst out laughing.

“Not exaggerating, the best I’ve ever had. I swear to God, that man worked my body like a fucking fiddle! He’s not selfish, he’s skilled with every part of his body, he takes his time....last night was a fucking dream, and after...he was so fucking sweet and gentle. He was reassuring and held me so close, like he was afraid I wouldn’t be there in the morning.”

“That’s so fucking sweet,” Sarah smiles, curling her legs up on the sofa.

“It was, then morning came,” you scowled.

“What happened this morning?”

“Well, he woke me up and got me all worked up, and we had just started when Laurie came home. I’ve never gotten of bed so fucking fast in my life. I ran across the hall naked, holding onto Jacob’s hoodie and my bra as if my life depended on it and-”

“What about your panties?!”

“I didn’t get those back,” you chuckle with a smirk.

“I swear to God, you two are meant for each other,” she laughs and you laugh softly with her.

“So, I get to Jacob’s room and start getting dressed fast as fuck, because for whatever reason, I was afraid she’d walk in. Anyway, she gets upstairs and starts laying into Andy about why he didn’t answer his phone, why did he let me stay over, why he’s naked, and she wouldn’t let up. Eventually, Andy got fed up and said that I mean nothing to him and she needs to drop it.”

“I mean, I get why he said it, but he definitely could’ve said something else.”

“My fucking sentiments exactly. I guess tonight he was trying to show me how sorry he truly was, and of course, Jacob was completely oblivious to all of it. I just don’t know.”

“Babe, I know it hurt, but we both know he didn’t mean it.”

“It’s just triggering, because it’s always me that ends up getting hurt. I know Andy isn’t a bad guy, and I know he’d never purposely hurt me, but the fear is still there and hearing him say that...it just triggered all of my insecurities and fears. Will he love me enough to stay if Jacob gets mad about us? Will he stay when Laurie gets mad and turns the town against us? Will he be ashamed when the town turns up their noses up at us? Yeah, he says no, but a lot of people have told me a lot of things,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes.

“Oh sweetie,” Sarah sighs as she moves closer to you and wraps you in a tight hug, “this isn’t anything like those other times. He’s not your parents, he’s not Mr. Fucking Matthews, and he isn’t like any of those other assholes you dated.”

“I just don’t know,” you sob.

“It’s gonna be okay, babe. You’ll see,” she promises gently as she strokes your back.

Sarah’s words roll around in your head as she tries to calm you down, and you know she’s making perfectly good sense, but everything happened so fast today...you just can’t quiet the fear.

As you cry into Sarah’s shoulder, you wonder if the fear will ever pass or if it’ll live loudly inside of you forever.

You wonder if you’ll ever feel like you’re good enough for Andy Barber.

Andy’s P.O.V

“She’s gorgeous, Andy? Really? You didn’t even try and hide the fact that you were flirting with her!” Laurie barks as I take some clothes out of my drawer.

“You believe whatever you want, I truly don’t give a damn.”

“And you said nothing happened last night! I wouldn’t count a fucking conversation as nothing!”

“I suppose I could’ve taken her to a hotel, fucked her all night, come creeping back in early in the morning, then lie to your face about where I’ve been all night!”

“Andy, it’s like you two were on your own little date!”

“I can’t help the fact that you hate her, Laurie. That’s something you need to work out in your own time,” I sigh, fed up with lying.

I don’t want to hide you, or us. I don’t want to say things that’ll hurt you or draw attention to us, I sure as shit don’t wanna sneak around, and I don’t ever want to make you feel less than.

How could I fucking say that?

‘She means nothing to me.’

Of all the fucking things to say, I had to go and say that. You’re good at masking your facial features, but your eyes said it all: my words cut you right to your core. You didn’t even want to talk to me, and I can’t find any fault with that. After so many other people have said one thing and done another, I had to go and sound like another asshole.

Fuck, everything was so perfect, then fucked up almost instantly. Fucked up because of my inability to think fast, which is saying something, cause I’m a fucking lawyer.

“Are you even listening to me, Andy?” Laurie sighs, putting her hands on her hips.

“No. Listen, I don’t feel like doing this tonight, so I’m not going to.”

“Andy, please-”

“Laurie, I’m gonna be out late and I’ll be sleeping on the sofa when I get back. I’m gonna start packing tomorrow. Make this easier for the both of us and just sign the damn papers. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this with you.”

“There’s still so much more-”

“There’s nothing left for us, Laurie. Do whatever you need to, to deal with that, but you do need to finally accept and deal with it.”

I hear her breakdown and start to cry as I turn to leave, and while I feel bad for being so blunt with her, I don’t know how else to approach this anymore. I’m through with keeping you on the sidelines, and I’m done trying to keep Laurie happy.

You are my main concern now. You are the only one I’m concerned with keeping happy, and I’m ready to do whatever I need to do to prove it to you.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“How have I never heard this album before?” Sarah asks, drink in hand, as she drunkenly dances around to ‘Tony Adams’ by Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros.

“You can’t always be cooler than me,” you tease before getting up, grabbing your cup, and making your way into your kitchen, “do we wanna eat?”

“When don’t we wanna eat?” she laughs.

“That’s a very good point,” you murmur, opening the door and seeing what you have available to you. “How about-”

You’re interrupted by a knock on door.

“Probably Jacob feeling left out,” you giggle to yourself as you open your door. “Oh.”

Andy doesn’t say a word, he just wraps his arms around you, pulls you close, and kisses you like he hasn’t seen you in decades. Your only response is to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him back.

For as hurt as you are, you’ll never turn down a soul stirring kiss from Andy. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, you’re not sure yet, but right now, you just don’t care.

“You’re drunk again,” Andy breathes once you two break apart.

“I told you I have a tendency to drink too much at times,” you mumble, still in a daze from his kiss.

“I don’t like you drinking to solve your problems. Especially when you’re alone.”

“Oh, I’m not alone,” you laugh softly, moving your head to the side so he can see Sarah standing in your living area.

“Hey there, Mr. Barber,” she chuckles.

“Oh...hey, Sarah,” he greets awkwardly and you can’t help but laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go watch YouTube videos in Y/N’s room. You two lovebirds workout whatever is wrong,” she hums before practically running to your bedroom and closing the door behind her.

“I’m sorry.”

“Andy-”

“No, you don’t know how much I regretted it as soon as I said it. I didn’t mean a word of it. You mean everything and I’m so sorry I hurt you like that.”

“It’s fine.”

“No it’s not, so don’t pretend that it is. Don’t lie to me.”

“She’s your wife,” you scoff as you let him go.

“Don’t. Don’t act like it’s something I want.”

“She still hasn’t signed. Lets move you out of the doorway, I don’t need anyone seeing me be a man stealing whore,” you mutter, breaking out of his hold and stepping to the side so he can come in.

“Should I just come back when you’re sober?”

“You should come back when you’re divorced.”

“Honey, there’s just so much more you don’t know.”

“Did she sign the papers?”

“Honey-”

“Did she sign the fucking papers, Andy?!” you snap, slamming your hand down on the kitchen island.

“I’m trying.”

“Okay.”

“I want to be with you! I want to be out in the open with you! Give me the okay and I’ll go back to that house right now and tell her everything! I’ll tell her that I’ve been in love with you since I helped you move into this loft, I’ll tell her that we made love last night, I’ll tell her that I’ve never felt so strongly as for anyone as I do for you! Give me the okay and I’ll do it!”

“You can just do that to Jacob?”

“He’s an adult-”

“He’s your son!”

“He’ll get over it!”

“Why are you here?!”

“Because I love you! I am so in love with you and I...last night, I wasn’t saying a bunch of words to get you into bed. I meant everything-”

“But your first thought to respond with was ‘she means nothing to me’?”

“I panicked!”

“Andy, I love you, but I really don’t have the energy to jerked around-”

“We can do this. It’s messy and it’s fucked up, but we’ll figure out a way to tell Jacob and we’ll be together. I told you, I don’t give a fuck about what anyone in this town has to say and I don’t give a fuck how Laurie feels. I just want you, sweetheart. I told you that you’ve always been my dream and that wasn’t bullshit. You’re a dream worth chasing and I’m gonna chase you until we’re a reality.”

“Andy...”

“I love you, Y/N. I’ll do everything in my power to prove to you that this is real.”

“You can’t stay here tonight,” you sniffle, trying to hide your tears, “Sarah’s staying here.”

“I had a feeling,” he laughs “lets do lunch tomorrow?”

“We’ll figure-”

“Y/N, I know you and Sarah are having girl’s night or whatever, but I need to talk to you!” Jacob calls from the other side of your door.

“For fucks sake, is my place just the place to be tonight?!” you mutter furiously as Andy chuckles softly and Sarah runs out of your bedroom.

“Time for us to trade places, bud,” Sarah awkwardly smiles as she ushers Andy into your bedroom.

“Where’s your key?” you question, trying to sound as normal as possible, getting yourself together.

“I don’t know, it was on my nightstand and now it isn’t, can you open up?”

“Babe, give us a second, you’re catching us mid-concert,” Sarah responds with a faux laugh, looking at you with concerned eyes.

You give her a small nod as she draws a deep breath before opening the door.

“Someone’s impatient,” she chuckles as she steps aside, letting him in.

“I don’t mean to be a dick, and I tried to wait, but I just needed to talk about it. Was tonight weird to anyone besides me?”

“Weird how?” you ask while making him a drink.

“My parents were more socially awkward than usual. My dad calling you gorgeous? What the fuck was that?”

“Why was that weird?”

“Don’t start that. You know you looked great, but my dad isn’t like every other old pervert in this town.”

“Your dad isn’t old, Jacob,” you scowl as you grab your glass, pouring yourself a drink.

“I know guys his age are more your style, but to me, he’s old. Plus, he and my mom got into a pretty loud screaming match before he stormed out.”

“What about?”

“I don’t know, I sat out on the porch and drank a beer. I think all of this is starting to take a toll on my him,” he huffs as he takes a seat at the kitchen island, sipping on his drink.

“I’m sure he’s doing his best to sort things out,” you sigh as you sit across from him.

“Should I say something to him?”

“Have you spoken to him at all about how you feel?”

“No. He’s been so calm and collected about all of this, but he went out of his way to hurt my mom tonight and that’s not him at all. I’ll talk to both of them separately.”

“How did he go out of his way to hurt her?”

“The comment about you being gorgeous, you two bonding over fucking food, the little jokes.”

“Why does that mean he went out of his way to hurt her? Andy and I just have a lot in common!”

“Andy?”

“Jacob, it’s late and I’ve been drinking. I’m not about to be formal every five seconds, it’s just us three.”

“You don’t think it was a little weird?”

“I mean, I think your dad is hot, so no,” you shrug as Sarah chokes on her drink.

“You know what you don’t need to tell me?”

“You asked.”

“That’s the last thing I need; my dad having a mental fucking breakdown and start dating someone my age.”

“I’ll drop off an application.”

“Please stop,” he groans as he lays his head on the table.

“Well Jacob, what exactly are you expecting him to do? Get divorced and be alone for the rest of his life?”

“No, I just...I’ve been thinking about it a lot these past few days. I want them to divorce, it’ll be best for him, but I don’t...it’s always been the three of us. Whether it was healthy or not, it’s the only family I’ve known, and we’ve been through hell and back. I don’t know if I’ll ever accept either of them having anyone else in their lives, but I want him to be happy. I want them both to be happy,” he finishes with a heavy sigh.

How the hell are you and Andy supposed to tell him now?

“If he settled down with someone younger, would it really be so bad?” you ask timidly, terrified of the answer.

“It wouldn’t be my first or second choice, but it wouldn’t be awful. If he’s truly happy, I won’t care,” he mutters softly with a frustrated sigh, finishing off his drink.

You force yourself to swallow down the lump in your throat. You blink away tears trying to accept that if you pursue a relationship with Andy, it may be the end of your friendship with Jacob.

“Guess we’ll just have to see how it all plays out,” you shrug with a meager smile.

“What should I even start off with?”

“Just tell them how you feel, separately, of course.Yeah, you’re moving out, but they’re still your parents, and it’s taking a toll on you. You can tell it’s taking a toll on them. You need them to get it together.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

He takes a deep breath before rubbing the back of his neck and standing up. You can feel the heaviness he’s trying to ignore, and you’re torn because you don’t want to cause him anymore stress and frustration; but you just love Andy so damn much.

Why does all of this have to be so damn complicated?

“I’ll let you guys get back to your night, keep an eye on her,” Jacob chuckles with a nod towards Sarah, who flips him off in return. “I love you both, talk to you later.”

You start crying the second he’s out the door.

“He’ll come around,” Andy coos softly as he steps out of your room.

“He’s gonna fucking hate me!”

“No, he’s really not,” Sarah tries to reassure you, occupying the seat that Jacob was in. “He’ll throw a hissy fit, probably won’t talk to you for a month or two, and then he’ll apologize and ask to talk it out. He’s emotional, not a complete idiot.”

“You both heard him! He said-”

“He said as long as I’m truly happy, he’ll accept it. Listen to me, honey,” Andy starts, gently pulling you out of your seat and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close. “This isn’t a breakdown or some sort of crisis. I love you. I am so insanely in love with you to the point that it terrifies me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I don’t want to fuck this up, I don’t want you to get hurt, and I don’t want you to quit on us. We both did our best to avoid this, but it was pointless because look where we are. I’m so happy when I’m with you, and for once, life makes sense. You are worth everything to me and I will be with you. It won’t be a secret and it’ll work out fine.”

“Jacob-”

“I’ll deal with Jake, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure out a way to get Laurie to sign those damn papers, and then I’ll tell him-”

“We’re in this together, Andy. We’ll tell him together. If we’re gonna do this, really do this, we should do it together.”

“Are you sure?”

“I can’t leave you to face all the hard shit alone. That’s not how relationships work, well not how a healthy one works. I wanna be all in with you. Even the hard stuff.”

“You two,” Sarah whispers with a grin as her eyes start to water.

“Shut up,” you scoff, drying your own eyes.

“Sarah, I’m sorry you’re in the middle of all this-”

“It’s fine, Mr. Barber. You both deserve a win and I’m happy you two have each other. I’m more than happy to keep my mouth shut until you guys figure it out.”

“Thank you,” Andy smiles with a nod before turning his attention to you. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Honey-”

“It’s just going to take some adjusting. All of this is about to get a lot harder before it gets easier and...not every day is going to be amazing. It is what it is, whatever.”

“Don’t make plans next weekend, okay?”

“What? Why not?”

“Just trust me. Please don’t make any plans.”

“Well...okay then.”

“I’m gonna get out of here, I love you, Y/N. I love you so much. Please...don’t change your mind, okay?”

“We’re in it now, so where else is there to go?” you chuckle softly. “I love you too, Andy. Let me know when you’re safe.”

“I always do,” he smiles before kissing your forehead.

He nods towards Sarah before turning and making his way out. Just like that, you feel alone all over again.

“I know I probably shouldn’t be rooting for you two, but you two are just so fucking cute!”

“Sarah,” you scowl and laugh as you get up to make yourself another drink.

“Okay, I gotta ask, what’s the draw? Obviously, it’s not lost on anyone that he’s fucking fine, but what makes him worth...everything?”

“I’m safe with him,” you shrug. “When I’m with Andy, I’m home. My brain never shuts off and it’s always so fucking loud, but with Andy...I’m so calm. Nothing is scary, stressful, or tiring. When I’m with him, I just feel light. Yeah, the one time we had sex was amazing, but it’s so much more than a physical desire. It always has been. We’ve been on so many car rides, had so many conversations, helped each other cope with so much...he just knows me. He gets me, ya know? He’s my home.”

“God, I’m so fucking jealous of you,” she scoffs as she scarfs down her drink.

“What? Why?”

“I want Jacob to feel the same way about me. I want us to have what you and Andy have.”

“Sarah, stop it. You know Jacob is head over heels-”

“I own half his heart, babe,” she smiles softly, getting up and making her way over to the counter to make another drink.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on. You can’t tell me that you don’t know.”

“Sarah, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Jacob is in love with you.”

“Stop it! That’s horseshit and you know it!”    

“Do you know how many times I’ve tried to talk myself into believing that? It’s infuriating at times, because I know you have no interest in him, but I see it in him. I see it, how he looks at you, the way he always comes to you for council; like he did tonight-”

“Sarah, there is no one on this planet that Jacob loves more than you. Jacob loves me, but he’s not in love with me.”

“You really are as pure they come,” she chuckles softly, shaking her head.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N, I don’t blame you or like, hate you. There was a point in time when I abandoned Jacob, and we basically broke up. Then, when you came into his life, you just trusted him completely. You were always there for him.”

“Sarah-”

“It’s fine,” she smiles sheepishly, trying to ignore her tears, “you don’t want him at all, so why should I be mad?

“Sarah, you’re drunk and-”

“Trust me, I’ve thought about this a lot,” she laughs humorlessly, “this has nothing to do with me drinking.”

“Is this why you want me with Andy so bad?”

“God no,” she scoffs before taking a sip of her drink, “if anything, it’ll make it worse, but you’ll be happy. You’ll be happy and so will Andy. I don’t tell you that you’re my best friend to make you smile, I say it because you really are my best friend. I want you to succeed, I want you to be happy, and I want things to work out in your favor. I’ve seen all the hurt you’ve gone through and I want better for you.”

“Sarah...why do you-”

“Stay with Jacob? Because I love him,” she states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s never going to cheat on me with you and you’d never let him. He’ll get over it at some point.”

“This isn’t fair or right. I’m ruining everyone’s life.”

“You’re not ruining shit. What’s wrong between Andy and Laurie is on her, and there’s nothing wrong between Jake and I. In all honesty, I don’t even think he knows. That’s part of the reason I didn’t want to meet you in high school,” she laughs, taking a long sip of her drink. “I knew he had a thing for you, but we were trying to work things out. We always joked about being the old couple that were once childhood sweethearts. I was terrified of meeting you, because I was terrified of seeing the person who would take him away from me, but then I met you,” she laughs. “It was so evident how much you weren’t into him.You made it so easy to love you and get to know you, and honestly? I get it. The way you describe Andy? That’s how you make everyone else feel. You don’t understand how much of yourself you give to people. Even if it’s just for a moment, you make people feel like they’re safe, like they have a home. It’s not hard at all too see why Andy is so in love with you.”

You’re thoughtful before you speak: “Sarah, can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“What did you and Andy talk about at the Christmas party?”

“I was wondering if you’d ever ask,” she chuckles. “We talked about you and the relationship you two could have. He’s so fucking in love with you. He  said that the only reason he hadn’t made a move was because he wanted you to be as happy as you made him. I told him that he can do that by being with you, but he shook his head. He insisted that you two being together would only complicate your life more, but he wanted nothing more than to be with you. I told him that he’s the piece of your life that’s been missing and he said you’d be happier with someone else, that he didn’t want to weigh you down. So, I asked him why he was willing to suffer if he knew you felt the same way  he did.”

“And?”

“He said he’d be willing to take on all of the pain and suffering in the world if it meant you’d be happy,” she smiles softly.

“Fuck!”

“Y/N-”

“Sarah...you don’t get it. Before I met Andy, I didn’t even feel like I could breathe. Last night, it was all so simple because there was no Laurie and Jacob. No thought of them.We were in our own little world and we were happy. It was peaceful, full of love, happiness, and for once, my life wasn’t a complete shit show. He’s been trying so hard to get her to sign the fucking papers...there were times I completely forgot about Jake. How shitty does that make me? I didn’t think about my own best fucking friend!”

“Babe, you’ve spent the better part of your young adult life looking out for Jake. When it comes to love, you’re allowed to be selfish.”

“Sarah, what the fuck am I gonna do?” you sob as your phone buzzes.

You’re quick to take it out and check, and a smile is instantly painted on your face when you see that it’s Andy.

My Heart: Had to stop to pick up a few things for this weekend, but I’m safe. I love you so much, honey. Counting down the seconds until I can see you again, because I miss the fuck out of you. The day we start living together is gonna be the best fucking day. Please don’t drink too much, okay? We’re gonna figure all this shit out. I love you.

“Sarah, I can’t quit him and I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t,” she smiles at you reassuringly, “fight like hell to make it work.”

As you and Sarah go back to drinking and dancing the night away, one thought is clearer in your mind than it’s ever been: you and Andy are meant to be with one another. By no means will any of it be easy, but you’re more than ready to fight like hell for the love of your life.

You’re more than ready to fight like hell for Andy Barber.

**

Laurie’s P.O.V.

“Andy, can you stop packing for five fucking minutes?!” I sob as he continues to load his clothes into his duffle bag.

“Laurie, I’ve told you multiple times that I’m done, and you won’t fucking hear it. I don’t know what else to do,” he shrugs, a look of pure indifference on his face.

“Andy-”

“You’re the one that cheated. Without saying it out loud, you decided that you don’t want this anymore. You don’t want us. So, I’m moving on. I’ve moved on!”

“Andy, no. You think you’ve moved on, but you’re just-”

“Laurie, I don’t love you. I have no desire to work this out, and I never will again. Please, just let it go and sign the goddamn papers!”

“You just need time,” I sob as he throws up his hands and scowls.

That’s what he used to say to me all the time, and it always worked like a charm; he could always bring me back. However, now? It seems like a lie. I’ve been using the same line for practically a year, and for what? The more I say it, the less he wants me.

Maybe that’s the difference. He was fighting for someone who he truly loved, and somewhere deep inside, I loved him back. Now? I’ve pushed him away so much that he truly is finished with all of this, but now I finally wanna come back.

I finally see what’s worth fighting for.

“Where are you even living now?”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m gone for good, and you need to sign the damn papers.”

“You don’t need to be so cold!”

“That seems to be the only way that you’ll respond,” he huffs before closing his bag. “Laurie, at one point, we were lovers and best friends. We have Jacob. I don’t want this to get ugly, so please don’t let it get to that point. He’s moving out, we both know he’s gonna propose to Sarah sooner or later, and you and I both know that we’ve run our course. You can have the house, the cars, you can paint me as the bad guy. I truly don’t care. Please, just let me go.”

“Andy, please, lets just go away-”

“I don’t want to go away!” he finally snaps, causing me to jump just a bit.

Hes never been this way with me.

“Laurie,” he sighs dropping his bag, clearly frustrated and worn out “don’t make me be this guy. The angry husband who has to be an asshole. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to upset you, and I don’t want either of us to hate each other. After all is said and done, I still want us to at least be able to have some sort of healthy relationship. It doesn’t have to be something fueled by hate and anger, it can be amicable. I don’t hate you, Laurie, I just don’t love you anymore,” he sighs before picking up his bag. “Think about it, I’ll see you in a few days.”

As he walks away I can’t help but think back to college. Was this all my fault? He never pursued me, I always wanted him.

He never looked for me, I always looked for him.

“You came!” I beamed as the handsome brunette came walking into my dorm room.

“You made it sound like I’d be missing out on something big if I show up,” he chuckled with a bright smile.

I’d been daydreaming about the smile since I first saw it two weeks ago in the campus library.

“You didn’t bring anyone?” I asked, hopeful that I wasn’t about to make myself look like a complete fool.

“No one to bring. I spend most of my time studying or working. That’s why I decided maybe it would be nice to go to a party. Thanks for invitin’ me.”

“Thanks for showing up,” I replied, and I could tell my cheeks were burning red.

From that day on, I looked for him, I waited for him, and I tried to come up with any reason to talk to him, until he finally asked me out. At first, it was exciting and I was enamored with him. Then, after about five months, I started to get lazy and he took notice. It’s not even that I stopped loving him, but I realized I wanted to be young and experience college as a single woman. Neither of us said a thing about it, but I could tell he knew and that I’d hurt him.

Then I started seeing him hanging around with some girl and it made my blood boil.

He was mine.

So, I showed up at his dorm one day and when he opened the door, I practically pounced on him, and of course he didn’t say no. Of course, my little impulsive act ended up with me pregnant, and he was a saint about it. Why wouldn’t he be?

Andy is the sweetest soul on earth; he always has been.

Everything was perfect for a while. Even with school being as demanding as it was, Andy was a loving and doting father. I wasn’t surprised that he proposed, and I was more than happy to say yes. I wanted nothing more than to devote myself to him forever.

For a while, it was perfect. We had the perfect life. Sure, I looked at other men sometimes, just wondering what it would be like to have the freedom to do whatever I wanted, but I never acted on anything. I had a good life, why mess it up?

Then, Jacob’s trial.

Even after everything that happened; the arguments, the trial, the sleeping in separate rooms...the accident...he still treated me like I was the center of his universe, and loved me unconditionally.

But I felt betrayed.

How could he not tell me about his father? Yeah, it’s his life and he’s allowed his secrets, but I’m his wife! So, after all was said and done, even with him being as amazing as he was, I still cheated. I cheated because I wanted him to feel as betrayed as I did. I seduced his best friend, best man at our wedding, and fucked him in the backseat of our car. It should’ve been quick and dirty, but I fucked up and let it turn into something that it should’ve never been.

It was nice to feel like I was a priority, to feel beautiful, and just get away from the weight that now comes with being a Barber. The flowers, gifts, the sneaking...it all felt new and exciting. I felt young again.

Andy started to notice of how distant I was becoming and offered to take me  on a trip, or pay for me to go on my own trip, and that’s when the guilt set in. I was out being the world’s worst wife, and he was still trying to take care of me. So, I broke off the relationship and came clean to Andy.

He didn’t even say a word, and to be honest, he didn’t need to. The look in his eyes told me everything. I had crushed him and instantly felt terrible. I was so ready for him to demand a divorce, and a small part of me wanted him to, but he just stormed out and spent the rest of the night driving around. Of course, Andy being the amazing man he is, came back in the morning and told me he loved me and wanted to work it out.

That should’ve been enough for me and I should’ve been happy, but of course I wasn’t. I dug my nails in and did my best to make sure that no one would ever be able to steal him from me, including making sure he never met Y/N. Yes I’m the one that made the mess, and it was obvious that she’d done nothing wrong, but still. Enough people talk and word gets around. It was irrational, mean, and dumb, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

All my hard work and it did nothing.

I messed everything up out of pure fear and jealousy, but it was nowhere near as bad as the last time. I knew it pushed him to his wits end, but it’s something I know we can make our way back from it.

But now? After that dinner for Jacob and Sarah?

God, the way he looked at Y/N that night? Is she the one he’s in love with? No, she can’t be. It’s just not possible. He wouldn’t do that to Jacob, and she’s so damn young. 24? 25? He’d never go for someone her age.

No, whoever has his attention...I can fix it. I can make it right and do better this time. I know it took me forever to realize it, but I truly do love Andy, and I’ll do anything I can to prove that to him.

I can fix this.

Y/N’s P.O.V

“What?!” you snap as you answer your phone, making your way into your loft.

“What did I do? I’m sorry,” Andy starts and you instantly feel bad.

“I didn’t check my phone before I answered. I’m sorry, what’s up?”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Sweetheart, talk to me.”

“I’m just fucking fed up.”

“With what?”

“With everything!”

“Baby, what happened?”

“Fucking...Andy, I miss you,” you sigh as you sit down on your bed, kicking off your shoes before taking your hair out of a ponytail and laying down.

“I miss you too, honey. Talk to me, what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“How can I help?”

“Come over.”

“I can’t, I’m gonna see you tomorrow though.”

“Why not now?”

“You’ll know tomorrow.”

“I need you now.”

“What do you need?”

“For you to make me feel better.”

Andy chuckles before responding,” how can I make you feel better right now?”

“I wanna see you.”

In just a matter of moments your phone is buzzing and you know it’s Andy FaceTiming you.

“Where are you?” he asks, looking over you as much as he can as you unbutton the top two buttons on your blouse.

“I’m home, in bed.”

“Now, how am I supposed to make you feel better if you’re in bed?”

“I think you know, daddy,” you pout as you continue to unbutton your blouse.

“It hasn’t even been a full week, sweetheart,” he chuckles, but his gaze is intense.

“You made me feel so good.”

“Only once and you’re already so desperate?”

“Please come over, daddy.”

“No, but I’ll watch you get yourself off,” he states with an authoritative voice.

And just like that, your pussy is more than desperate for him.

“Daddy-”

“Lick two fingers then rub your clit.”

“Please-”

“Don’t be a brat. Do what daddy told you to.”

“Fuck,” you sigh, bringing one of your hands to your mouth, licking and sucking two of your fingers, then hiking up your skirt and pushing your panties to the side and playing with your clit. “Daddy,” you moan pathetically.

“What do you want me to do to you?”

“I want...I want you to eat my pussy so bad! It felt so good having your tongue on me!”

“Yeah? What else, baby?”

“Daddy, please just come over. I haven’t seen or felt you all week and I’m going crazy! I miss you so much,” you whine pathetically.

“I feel the same, honey, but if I come over, I won’t leave. Just gotta wait, sweetheart,” he broods as you hear him undo his belt buckle and unzip his pants. “Now, tell daddy what else you want him to do to you.”

“I need to feel your lips on me. I need you to kiss me like you did when you were carrying me up the steps, I need to feel just how much you love me before you’re mean to me!”

“Mean to you how?”

“Make me choke on your fat cock, daddy! Make me take every inch of it, then fuck me like a slut, please!”

“Jesus Y/N,” he growls, “lick your fingers then tell me how you taste,” he demands, voice rough and coarse.

“Mmm, so fucking good!”

“Shit, I can only fucking imagine! Now, be a good girl and start fucking yourself with those fingers, baby. Fuck yourself and cum hard for daddy.”

“Shit, I miss you so much, daddy!”

“I miss you too, baby. Can’t fucking wait...can’t wait to see you and bend you over tomorrow!”

“Jesus daddy!”

“Gonna spread those fucking legs and eat that pussy so good, then I’m gonna taste that ass...fuck!”

“Shit!” you cry out, cumming hard, and almost dropping your phone.

“Fuck, sweetheart!” Andy groans softly as you see bits of his cum landing on a desk.

“Where...where are you, daddy?”

He takes his time, collecting himself and regulating his breathing, before he answers, “at work.”

“Andy!”

“It’s alright,” he laughs softly, “no one’s here and the door is closed.”

“You can’t do that, daddy.”

“Well, I can’t exactly do this where I live.”

“You could’ve come over.”

“I told you, sweetheart; if I would’ve come over, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“It’s not like that’s a bad thing,” you sigh, finally meeting his warm and loving gaze.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing.”

“You’ve had an attitude all week, you’ve been distant, and I know you were crying before you answered the phone last night.”

“Andy-”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just hate this fucking week.”

“Why?”

“I haven’t seen you, my mother is in one of her rage moods; which is apparently my fault cause I don’t go and see her, my fucking heel broke the other day and I stepped in a fucking puddle, my boss actually fucking put his hand on my upper thigh today-”

“I’m sorry, he did what?”

“It’s fine-”

“It’s not fucking fine!”

“Andy, calm down. It’s fine, I told him it made me uncomfortable and-”

“We’re finding you a new job.”

“You’re sweet,” you chuckle softly, sitting up and taking off your blouse, “I have bills to pay.”

“We’ll live together soon enough, it won’t matter.”

“Yeah okay,” you scoff. “Don’t you have to get home to your wife?”

“Don’t. That’s not fair and you know it.”

“Yeah, that’s not fair,” you mutter, rolling your eyes before getting up.

“Sweetheart-”

“Do you fuck her?”

“You know I don’t, I don’t even sleep in the same bed as her!”

“You still live in the same fucking house.”

“Honey, what’s going on?”

“I’m lonely, Andy!” you finally snap as you grab a glass. “It’s been a fucking week and I...I heard you say what you said, I haven’t seen you since, Jacob’s been telling me that he secretly wants you two to work it out, and...what the fuck am I doing?!”

Andy lets out a heavy sigh and it only makes you feel worse. “Do you just wanna break this off now?”

“No,” you sniffle, trying to control your emotions, “I love you. I love you so much, and I just want to be with you, but all of this-”

“It’s not always going to be like this, honey.”

“Andy, are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want me?”

“I’m coming over.”

“Andy-”

“No, I’m on way. I’ll see you in a bit, I love you.”

With that, he hung up and you’re left to wonder what the fuck is going on. For as much as Andy wants to be divorced, he isn’t. For as much as Andy loves you, he still isn’t with you completely. For as good of a mam Andy Barber is, he still isn’t only yours.

But God, does he want to be.

Why are you picking a fight with him? Why are you trying to hurt him? It’s more than obvious that he just wants to love and be with you. Hes spent the entire week staying late in his office, listening to you bitch and complain about your week (at least what you were willing to tell him), and he promised constantly that it would get better. He promised that this wouldn’t be how it’ll always go. He promised that you two would be openly together, and he’d have no issue being with you in front of everyone who has something negative to say.

He told you a million times that he loves you and just how much.

However, there’s still fear, worry, and guilt. Fear that he’ll decide you’re not enough and leave, worry that you’ll fuck it up because you’ve never actually been in a good or healthy relationship, and guilt because you’re sneaking around and lying to Jacob. Yes, Andy was unhappy and trying to get out of his marriage before he met you, but he wasn’t fully committed to it until he met you.

What if Jacob thinks that you’re the one who broke up his family? What if he lashes out at you? What if your best friend decides that he wants to walk out of your life for good? Could you really handle that? Would Andy be able to handle his son being that furious? Would he still choose you?

Yeah, he says that he’s all in and wants nothing more than forever with you, but what happens-

The sharp knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts.

The second you open the door, Andy’s lips are on yours and he’s picking you up. His grip on you is tight as you wrap your legs around him, finally feeling some relief at simply the feel of him.

“Am I sure that I want you? Am I sure that I want us? Honey, I’m never changing my mind,” he whispers, showering soft kisses all along your neck.

“Andy,” you whisper, running your hands through his hair, not caring if anyone sees the two of you.

“You are my whole world now, sweetheart,” he husks as he kicks your door closed. “I desire you. I burn for you. I crave you.”

“Baby please,” you whimper, letting your hands travel down and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt.

“I want you by my side every second of every day,” he confesses softly, as one hand reaches around and unclasps your bra.

“I...I missed you so much, Andy.”

“I missed you too, baby,” he coos and lays you down, looking you over as he pulls off your bra. “You’re so perfect, sweetheart.”

“You think so, baby?” you moan as you unbutton the rest of his shirt, gripping him tighter with your legs as he takes it off.

“Mhm, I think you were made just for me,” he husks as he unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants. “I think you’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever known and most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Then show me, Andy. Take your time and show me,” you beg, unzipping your skirt, right before he pulls it and your panties down.

“I’ll take all night if I have to.”

He dips down and kisses you gently, but there’s an urgency to it, and you instantly know he understands. He knows that this isn’t just about sex; it’s about intimacy and vulnerability. It’s about understanding and honesty.

It’s about trust and love.

“Fuck,” you softly sigh as he thrusts himself inside of you, “I missed you.”

“Finally fucking home, baby,” he groans as he moves slowly and deeper within you.

You cup his face and keep his focus on you, softly stroking the side of it as you try and hold on for the ride. He keeps hitting that spot in you that makes you feel everything all at once, but you’re not ready to reach that euphoric moment. Yeah, it’s only been a week, but Andy was right: you finally feel like you’re home.

“You don’t think I’ve been thinking about you all week? You don’t think I’ve wanted anything more than to be with you?”

“Andy...baby, I just...I needed you here!”

“We’ll be together soon, my love,” he coos as he starts to pick up his pace, “why are you denying me what I want?”

“Want...wanna make it last,” you whine as you arch your back a little, trying to feel as much of him as possible.

“We’ve got all night, baby. Please...give it to me,” he begs earnestly as he rests his head in the crook of your neck. “Let me feel you, I’ve needed it all fucking week!”

“Oh God!”

“I want every part of you, every day, forever, baby!”

“Andy...oh God, Andy YES!” you whimper as you claw at his back. “I can’t...fuck, I can’t...fuck!” you sob as you clench around him.

“The way you squeeze me...honey, you are so perfect!”

“Shit!” you cry out, squirting hard on his cock as you grip him tight.

“So fucking good for me,” he husks as his seed spills into you.

You both stay that way for a moment; lost in each other’s embrace, no sound except each other’s labored breathing, and taking each other in.

This is what you needed. You needed him, his love, and his touch. Sure, you’ve only had his embrace only once before, but all it takes is once. Andy makes you feel everything at once, and it’s something you’ll always need and never tire of. When he loves you like this, kisses you endlessly, and holds you close, you know exactly why you’ll never be able to give him up.

Why you’ll never want to.

“I love you,” he breathes after a moment. “I love you so much, Y/N, and I’m all in. I’m all in for as long as you want me.”

“What if I want you forever?”

“Then I’m in this forever. You’re not gonna scare me off, Laurie isn’t going to scare me into staying, the town can go to hell...I love you. I’m madly in love with you, and nothing’s ever going to change that.”

“Show me.”

“Like I said, baby; we’ve got all night.”

You and Andy spend the next few hours tangled up in your sheets, and getting lost in one another. He doesn’t even bother to answer his phone as it constantly goes off; determined to show you just how in love and dedicated he is to you. Every kiss awakens something in you, every touch sets your skin alight, and every thrust is filled with passion.

Andy is yours just as much you’re his, and no matter how messy things may get, that’s never going to change.

When the both of you finally tire each other out, you both lay back on your bed, and Andy holds you close while you lay your head on his chest.

“You have to go back tonight?” you ask as you make little circles on his chest.

“Unfortunately,” he sighs before kissing the top of your head, “but I promise tomorrow will make you extremely happy.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?”

“Because that’ll ruin the shocked look on your face tomorrow, and I’ve dreaming of seeing it,” he chuckles and you smile to yourself. “We should order dinner.”

“More like we should make dinner.”

“It can’t be that late.”

“Babe, look at my alarm clock. It’s 9:30,” you laugh and Andy chuckles before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

“Guess I got carried away, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” you giggle, “what do you wanna eat?”

“Well, I already had my favorite meal-”

“Andy!” you laugh as you playfully hit his chest.

“So, I’m fine with whatever.”

“Freezer food okay? I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet.”

“Is it stupid that I’m excited about going grocery shopping with you?”

“Why is that something you’re excited about?” you laugh.

“I don’t even know. It feels so normal? I want every experience with you, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Something as mundane as grocery shopping feels like it would be an adventure with you,” he chuckles. “Maybe I’m just crazy-”

“Andrew Stephen Barber, I am so in love with you. I can’t wait to do everything with you too,” you smile up at him.

“Lets eat something,” he smirks before dipping down and kissing you passionately.

This man is gonna be the death of you. Andy pulls on his boxer briefs as you pull on the AC/DC crew neck he got you, and you both make your way into the kitchen.

“Okay, I have lasagna, hot pockets, anytizers-”

“What do you want?” he asks, wrapping his arms around you as he presses soft kisses along the column of your neck.

“It’s really hard to think when you kiss me like that,” you moan as you lull your head back.

“I’m sure my good girl can think of something,” he presses before lightly licking the side of your neck with the tip of his tongue.

“Daddy...please,” you whimper, getting all worked up again. “We’ve gotta eat.”

“I know what I wanna eat, baby, and it’s nothing that’s in your freezer,” he husks as he hoists you up and places you on the counter top, quickly getting on his knees.

“Daddy-”

“Let daddy enjoy his favorite meal,” he smirks up at you before pushing the bottom of your crew neck up and licking your clit.

“Daddy, we have to...shit, just like that,” you whimper as grip his hair tight, the feeling of his tongue fucking you while he massages your clit with his thumb driving you insane. “You eat my pussy so good, daddy.”

“My perfect, desperate little girl,” he murmurs before sucking on your clit and sliding two fingers into your weeping cunt.

“Oh...daddy,” you moan as you lull your head back against one of your kitchen cabinets.

Needless to say, you two end up back in bed.

Andy loves you until you’re barely able to stand, telling you just how much he loves you and can’t wait to be with you like he really wants to. As he holds close while you drift off, there’s only one thought that runs through your mind:

Andrew Stephen Barber will never stop being the love of your life.

Andy’s P.O.V

“You’re home late,” Laurie mutters with a slight slur as I make my way into the house.

“This isn’t my home anymore, Laurie,” I sigh, taking off my suit jacket and heading to the kitchen.

“You reek of sex.”

“That’s because I just had sex, Laurie.”

“So, you’re cheating now?”

“Cheating would imply that we have some sort of a functioning marriage, which we don’t,” I scowl as pull a package of bread out of the cabinet.

“So, who is it? Who are you so in love with that you don’t want to try anymore? Is it her?” she asks, folding her arms across her chest, losing her balance a little.

“Her who?”

“Andy, don’t be an asshole. Y/N.”

I want to say yes so fucking bad, but I can’t do that to you. I won’t say anything until you’re ready.

“What is your obsession with her?” I scoff, taking ham and cheese out of the fridge.

“You seem to be in love with her, and Jacob is in love with her-”

“I barely know her and Jacob’s in love with Sarah.”

“Well, who is it?”

“Why on earth would I tell you that? So you can go and harass her?”

“Andy, you used to-”

“Laurie, you cheated on me twice, you treat Jacob like shit-”

“I do not!”

“Yeah, alright,” I scoff, putting my sandwich together, wishing I had taken you up on your lasagna offer.

“She’s so fucking great, but she can’t feed you?”

I open my mouth to tell her that my favorite meal today was that perfect little pussy between your legs, but stop short and just scoff and shake my head instead.

‘That’ll be taking it too far, Andy,’ I think to myself.

“I’ve had a long day and I don’t feel like arguing with you, Laurie. That and you’re drunk, so there’s really no point. I’m going to sleep.”

“When are you telling, Jacob, huh? When are you going to tell him that you’re moving out? That you’re fine with breaking up our family?”

“Laurie, you broke up this family when you purposely drove your truck into a wall, trying to kill our son, and when you spread your legs for my best friend.”

“You know that accident was just that! An accident!”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day. Listen, I told you, you can paint me as the bad guy to everyone, you can keep everything, I don’t care. All I want is for you to sign the damn papers. There’s no sense in arguing about this anymore, I’m done. I’ve moved on and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. If you ever truly loved me, if you claim to love me now, then please just sign the damn papers,” I practically beg, feeling a little pain at the tears welling up in her eyes.

I don’t know how else to get through to her.

“Andy, whoever this new woman is that you’re in love with...it’s not going to work out. She’s just gonna hurt you.”

“You say that like you haven’t a thousand times already.”

“I didn’t get it before and I’m sorry. I made mistakes and I know I hurt you, but I can do better now. I will do better!”

“Laurie-”

“Andy please,” she sobs, slowly making her way over to me, “let me show you how much I’ve changed. Give me a month-”

“Laurie, please don’t make this harder than it already is. I just don’t want this anymore...I don’t want you. I don’t want to hurt you, but I just can’t do this anymore. Please, just let this-”

“You loved me before, I know you can love me again,” she whispers before standing on her tiptoes and kissing me.

Nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. It breaks my heart, because there once was a time when I lived for her kisses, but now? Now, nothing. If I’m being honest, I’m almost repulsed. She’s not the woman I fell in love with, but to be fair, I’m not the man she fell in love with.

I’m not sure if I ever really was.

“Sleep in our room tonight, please,” she pleads softly as she takes a step back.

“I’ll be in the spare room downstairs,” I sigh, looking away as her tears start to fall, “I’ll be gone by the time you wake up. I’m moving the last bit of my stuff, and I’ll do my best not to wake you.”

“Andy, please-”

“Goodnight Laurie.”

I quickly make my way downstairs, throwing out the sandwich I made, no longer having an appetite, before getting undressed and stepping into the shower.

This isn’t how I wanted any of this to go, but I don’t know why I expected any of this to go easy. Once Laurie sinks her claws in and sets her sights on something, she doesn’t give up easily. Still, this shouldn’t be the shit show that it is. It shouldn’t be this hard to get some damn closure and just move on. Laurie and I have run our course and I’m so damn tired of this shit.

Tonight with you? It was perfect, but fuck if I don’t hate myself for making you question everything. Question me. I never wanted to be a person in your life that makes you question whether or not love is real, or if it actually even matters. How could I say something that made you feel so horrible less than 24 hours after you completely gave yourself to me? After you told me you trust me completely?

I want everything and every day with you, forever.

If Jacob end up hating me, then so be it. If Laurie rains down all hell fire on my head, then I’ll just deal with it. Nothing and no one is gonna stop me from being with you. Grocery shopping, picking out furniture for our home, taking trips, coming home to you daily...all of these things and more make my heart burst with excitement and pure love.

It’s not lost on me that people are going to see me with you and think that I’m obsessed with someone who’s younger than me, and I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t boost my ego a bit, but it’s so much more than that. You are the most selfless and thoughtful person I’ve ever known. The way you would stick up for Jacob in high school to the point that you would get into fist fights, you would go out of your way to make sure he always felt included, the fact that you got a job to help out with the bills even though it wasn’t on you to fix the damage your father had done, how you took care of your mother after your father abandoned the both of you...

Even now, you’re just taking all of this in stride. Keeping secrets you shouldn’t have to, being so much nicer to Laurie than you should be, keeping Jacob’s feelings in mind, being patient with me while I figure all of this out...you’re so fucking gracious, sweet, and thoughtful. It honestly infuriates me that everyone else just constantly lets you down, over some shit you didn’t even do.

I refuse to be another person that hurts you. I’m gonna stick by you and I’m not leaving your side, come hell or high water, I will be with you and we’ll make it work.

Y/N’s P.O.V

You don’t make much of a fuss about getting out of bed, since you’re a bit sore from your long night with Andy. You’d hoped he’d be good in bed, but you didn’t think he’d be that amazing in bed.

It’s not like you have any complaints. Andy can do whatever he wants to you, and in the end, all you’ll do is thank him and beg for more. No, it’s not necessarily a healthy concept, but there’s comfort in knowing that Andy feels the same way you do. Somehow, the second time around was better than the first.

Probably because you two were both sober this time.

As you roll around in bed, trying to decide if you have the energy to actually start your day, your mind plays over everything Andy said last night; both when he was inside of you and when he wasn’t.

It’s hard not to give into the fear of it all, but how can you not trust him? The way he looks at you, the way he holds you, the way he smiles at you, the way he loves you...it’s all so damn genuine, you know that he means it. He’s not telling you what you want to hear so he can keep getting access to your pussy; it’s obvious that he means every word.

You just have to find the strength to believe everything he’s saying is true.

You’re finally ready to get out of bed when your phone buzzes. The smile that comes to your face almost hurts when you see that it’s Andy. However, you’re completely confused when you open it and see that hes sent you an address.

Y/N: Huh?

My Heart: Meet me here as fast as you can, and bring clothes for the weekend.

Y/N: What’s going on?

My Heart: You’ll see when you get here, so don’t take too long. I love you and I’ll see you soon.

Well, now you’re wide awake and full of energy.

You quickly get out of bed and make your way to your shower, doing your best to ignore all of the anxiety that you feel. They’re not exactly bats in your stomach, but they sure as shit aren’t butterflies. By the time you’re dressed and ready to go , you feel like you’re gonna lose your mind.

Just an address? What the hell does that mean? Yeah, hes talked about you two moving in together all the time, but so soon? When Laurie hasn’t even signed the papers yet?

That’s another thing; how the hell is going to get to her to sign the papers? He’s entirely too kind to actually pressure her into signing the papers, but he’s also fed up with everything. What the hell does he have up his sleeve?

When you finally reach the destination, you’re in pure shock and awe.

What the hell?

“Andy...what is this?” you question as you get out of the car.

“I’ve officially moved out,” he smiles as he wraps his arms around you and dips down to kiss you.

“Someone could see,” you smile sheepishly as you turn your head away from him.

“Who cares?”

“Andy-”

“I told you that I told her I’m in love with someone else, and when she told me I reeked of sex last night, I told her it was because I had sex. I’m not hiding anything from her, because I truly don’t care. No, I haven’t told her that I’m with you, but the second you give me the okay, I’m telling her. I love you, Y/N. I want this. I want us.”

“Andy...,” you start to tear “is this house...?”

“It’s a condo I got for me, but when you’re ready, I would love for it to be ours. There’s no pressure, and we’ll take this at whatever pace you want, but I’m all in,\. I know they’re things you need to figure out on your end, and I’m perfectly fine waiting while you figure it out-”

“How will we tell Jacob?” you interrupt, trying to suppress every emotion you’re feeling as you keep looking over the gorgeous house.

“I was thinking we’d talk about that today,” he smiles at you.

“Is Laurie any closer to signing the papers?”

“I can tell that she’s starting to realize that I’m serious.”

“Andy...are you sure-”

“I love you and I’ve never been more sure of anything. If you don’t want this, I’ll completely understand and I won’t be mad in the slightest, but if you really do want to do this-”

“I know I can’t move in right away, but I’d like to keep some of my stuff here. I’d like to have...I’d like to have my own key,” you almost whisper, trying to convince yourself that all of this actually happening.

“You’re in luck,” he chuckles as he takes a key out from his pocket, “I already had one made for you. This is your home too, sweetheart.”

“Andy-”

“I genuinely want everything with you. I love you, Y/N. I love you, I love you, I love you. I will say it every day until you believe it.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe it, Andy, it’s just...this is a lot...it’s everything. I love you so much and I just don’t want to get myself all wrapped up in someone who isn’t-”

“Honey, this is as real as it gets. I love you and want forever with you. That’s never going to change. The moment I laid eyes on you, I was already thinking of ways to see you again. Then, when I helped you move in, seeing just how thoughtful and kind you are...I’ve been in love with you ever since. I know that this is moving kind of fast, but if only you could understand just how deeply and how much I love you...my heart rate speeds up whenever I see you, your smile alone is enough to calm me down and make me come alive at the same time, and your laugh...honey, I could listen to you laugh and talk all day and still want more. I love you, Y/N. I’m madly and truly in love with you,” he finishes with a warm smile as he wipes your tears away.

You don’t know what to say. How can all of this be real? How can he choose you so easily? How is he choosing you at all? And how the hell is he so calm about all of this?

Are you sure you’re awake? Is this actually real?

“This is really happening, it’s not all in your head or some dream,” he chuckles softly as he practically reads your mind.

“Can we go inside and take a look around?” you sniffle after a moment, wiping your eyes.

“Anything you want, honey.”

You don’t mean to gasp when you go inside, but the place is gorgeous and spacious.

How much money does Andy have exactly?

“Now, I had to get some furniture, I didn’t want you coming home to a completely empty house. I figured we’d go shopping for the rest of it together. Out of town, so you don’t have to worry about being seen. I figured we could go tomorrow.”

“Andy, this is gorgeous!”

“Yeah, you really like it?”

“I love it!” you beam, turning around wrapping your arms around him tight. “Give me the full tour,” you smile up at him.

Andy is more than happy to show you around, very clearly excited and happy that you didn’t go running off in the other direction. It all seems so unreal, especially when he shows you the little art studio he set up for you.

“Andy-”

“You told me that you loved to paint when you were younger, but had to stop between work and school. I’m obviously not going to push you, but I want you to feel free to start again. Maybe you’ll fall back in love with it, and if you don’t, this will still be your space to do whatever you want in.”

“You didn’t have to do this for me, Andy. Any of it. I just...how can you love me this much?”

“How can I not love you this much?” he chuckles as he wraps an arm around your waist. “Come on, there’s still the upstairs.”

“Somehow I forgot all about the upstairs,” you laugh along with Andy.

“So,” Andy starts as you both start up the stairs, “there are three bedrooms. I’ve started setting up what I think you’ll want to be our room, but just tell me-”

“Say that again,” you smile up at him once you two reach the top step.

“Hmm? Say what?”

“Our room.”

Andy smiles down at you before cupping your face and giving a soul stirring kiss, “our room,”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

As he shows you each room and leads you down the hallway, you can’t help but wonder why he got a place with three rooms. Yeah, a two bedroom would make sense, a spare room form Jake and Sarah if they ever sleep over, but why three?

“And this is ours,” he smiles at you as he pushes the door open.

It’s amazing how well Andy knows you.

“I know the furniture is a little bland and we can get something else, if you want. There’s a 30 day warranty on everything,” he laughs softly. “I know you prefer then left side, so I set up all my stuff on the right. If you want, I’ll-”

You cut him off by crashing your lips into his and pulling him impossibly closer to you. “You are incredible,” you breathe once you two break apart. “You are so incredible and I am so in love with you.”

“You’re happy?”

“I’m so far past happy, daddy,” you whisper before you start to kiss down his body, “you did really good.”

“Sweetheart, we don’t have to-”

“But I want to, daddy. I really want to,” you plead as you look up at him with your most innocent eyes.

He tries to hide it, but you can see lust and desire in his eyes, and you know he’s about to give you what you want. “Get on the bed,” he demands with a low growl.

“But daddy-”

“You always wanna argue with daddy, and we have to put a stop to that,” he scowls before gripping your hair roughly, “I think that’s exactly what we’re gonna do now.”

“I’m so sorry, daddy,” you whimper, getting more and more desperate for him by the second.

“Oh, you will be, now strip and get on the bed. Don’t make me tell you again.”

And just like that, you’re up on your feet and undressing yourself. Soon enough, you’re naked and in the middle of the bed, waiting for instruction as Andy looks you over.

“Such a gorgeous little girl, but such a dumb little slut. Open those pretty little legs and start playing with your clit.”

All you can do is whine like the bitch in heat that you are as you follow his instructions, trying to hold his burning gaze.

“Daddy,” you moan, closing your eyes and lulling your head back, fighting off a release he hasn’t given you permission for.

“Eyes on me,” he demands hotly, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans.

When you focus your attention back on him, he’s stroking his angry red cock that’s leaking with pre-cum. “Daddy, please let me-”

“You don’t cum until I say so, little slut. You understand me?”

“Please-”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, really such a dumb little girl,” he smirks mischievously, “and to think, I was about to eat that perfect little cunt of yours.”

“Daddy please!”

“Guess I’m just gonna teach you how to obey,” he sighs before taking off his shirt and stepping out of his jeans. “What has daddy told you about begging?”

“No-not to,” you breathe, still trying to hold his intense gaze as you watch him take a seat on the edge of the bed.

“So, why do you keep being a whiny little brat?”

“Just want you so...so bad all the time.”

“Is that so? Well, come and sit on daddy’s lap. We’re gonna have a little talk about why you should be a good little girl,” he coaxes, starting to stroke himself again.

You’re quick to make your way over to him, ready to straddle him, before he stops you.

“You’re gonna face that mirror, so you can see how much better it is when you’re a good girl.”

“Daddy-”

“You’re just making it harder for yourself. Now, face the mirror, and take daddy’s cock until you learn how to behave.”

How the hell are you supposed to last? You have no idea.

“Oh God, daddy,” you moan as you slide yourself down on his cock, lulling your head back at the way he still pulls you apart.

“Look at yourself in the mirror, sweet girl,” he coos against your neck, licking it lightly.

“Daddy!”

“I said look!” he snaps before slapping your clit.

“Fuck!” you cry out, looking straight ahead as you start to bounce up and down on his cock.

“That’s a good girl,” he smirks against your neck, “see how your greedy little cunt takes my cock so well?”

All you can do is nod.

“You know daddy doesn’t like it when you don’t use your words,” he scolds before slapping your clit again.

“Fuck daddy! I’m...I-I’m sorry!”

“Now, I’ll ask you again,” he husks as you pick up your pace, “do you see how well your greedy little cunt takes my fat cock so well?”

“Y-yes daddy!”

“All I wanna do is spoil you and make you feel so fucking good,” he groans in a condescending tone, “but you just love to act up. Doesn’t it feel so much better when I don’t have to punish you?”

“Everything you do feels amazing, daddy,” you sob as he starts to massage your tits, pinching your nipples hard.

“Oh, so that’s what it is? My little girl just needs to be treated like a little fucking slut?”

“Daddy please!” you whine, clenching around him, knowing you won’t be able to hold off your release much longer.

“That’s not being a good girl,” he sighs against your neck, slapping your clit again, causing you to yelp; you try and close your legs. “If daddy lets you cum, you’ve gotta watch yourself the whole time. Watch how beautiful you look when you explode for me. You understand?”

“Anything you want! Just please!” you whine, knowing you sound pathetic, but you’re so far beyond blissed out that you don’t fucking care.

“So fucking needy,” he laughs as he starts to massage your clit with two of his fingers, “alright, be a good little whore and cum for daddy.”

In no time at all, you’re screaming out in pleasure, squirting all over his cock and the floor, not feeling an ounce of shame as you see how wrecked you are. Andy’s grip tightens on you, and you’re sure he’s about to cum until he stills you.

“Sweet girl, you made a mess all over my cock,” he chides as you clench around him, knowing he’s going to be just as mean about cleanup.

“I didn’t...I didn’t mean to,” you breathe, trying to come down from your high.

“But you did, and what do good girls do when they make a mess?”

“Clean it up, daddy.”

“Exactly.Get on your knees and clean daddy’s cock.”

“Please-”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, there you go again,” he sighs, slapping your clit again.

He’s going to fucking ruin you.

You slowly stand up, your legs still unstable, but you’re quick to get on your knees in the little puddle you created. A whimper escapes your lips at the sight of Andy’s cock in front of you, happy to finally be able to take it into your mouth. You lick it softly and moan in satisfaction at the taste of yourself on him.

“Take it, sweet girl,” he husks, gripping your hair as he bucks his hips slightly, “take every fucking inch of it.”

You’re quick to get your mouth on him, desperate to make him feel an ounce of the pleasure he’s made you feel. You soon find that just because you’re eager to do something doesn’t mean it’ll get done.

“C’mon sweet girl, I know can take all of it. Relax your throat for me,” he coos, guiding your head down.

It’s not like it hadn’t dawned on you until now that Andy’s cock is the biggest you’ve ever experienced, but you’re still annoyed with yourself for not prepping for it.

“That’s it...fuck, that’s it! Such a good girl,” he groans as you take him more and more.

You both moan in satisfaction when he finally reaches the back of your throat. He starts guiding you slowly, but the second you start whimpering, he’s rough, picking up the pace.

“Fuck, you’re such a good little whore, baby,” he grunts, his grip white knuckling, “wish you could see how well you’re taking daddy’s cock. Fuck!”

When you start gagging, he pulls you off and you whine in protest.

“What did daddy say about being a whiny little brat?”

“I wanna taste you so bad.”

“Another time, sweet girl. For now, get on the bed and on your hands and knees.”

Once again, it takes you a moment to get yourself together, completely blissed out, but determined not to throw in the towel in until he does.

The bed shifts behind you almost instantly, and you whimper when you feel one of Andy’s hands smooth over your ass cheek.

“Daddy!” you scream out when he smacks it hard.

“Are gonna start behaving?”

“Mhm!”

“Use your words!” he reprimands, slapping your ass harder.

“I’ll be such a good girl, daddy! I promise!” you cry out.

“That’s what I wanna hear,” he praises.

You prepare yourself to feel him thrust inside of you, but are completely caught off guard when you feel his tongue against your folds.

“Holy fuck!”

“Told you, rewards feel so much better than punishments,” he smirks before starting to fuck you with his tongue.

Between the lewd slurping sounds between your legs, and Andy’s groans of approval, you lull your head back and get lost in that blissful state only he can bring you to. You’re right on the edge when Andy replaces his tongue with his fingers, and before you can protest, you feel his tongue licking your asshole, and you arch your back, gripping the sheets to keep yourself upright.

“Y-you make me feel so fucking good! I swear to fuck!”

All Andy does is slap your ass in approval and it makes you clench tighter around his fingers.

Never in a million years did you ever think Andy would or could be this dominant or controlling. The same man who loves late night ice cream drives and is insanely romantic to you: the quiet and shy guy, the loving father. He cuddles you close during movie night while also the same guy who dominates the fuck out of you, making you feel like the dirty little slut you secretly are.

“You ever been fucked in this perfect little hole, sweet girl?” Andy asks, making little circles around your asshole with his finger.

“N-no daddy!”

“At some point this weekend, we should fix that,” he husks before removing his fingers from your weeping cunt, “but for now, I’m gonna use you as my little cum dump.”

“Fuck, please daddy!” you sob as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“Are those pretty little tears for me?” he coos condescendingly, reaching down between your legs and rubbing little circles on your overstimulated clit.

“Never felt so fu...so fucking good!”

“Yeah? Show me just how much by cumming for me right now,” he demands with a throaty grunt as his movements become erratic.

“Fu...fu...FUCK!” you shout with a sob, squirting all over all his cock and the bed.

“Sweet girl,” he growls, dipping down and resting his forehead on your back as he coats your inner walls with his seed. “Such a good fucking girl.”

Andy rides out both your highs before letting you down gently and collapsing next to you. He instantly pulls you close, and you cuddle up against him; feeling loved, full, happy, and content.

“Was I too rough with you?” he asks after a moment, softly making little circles on the small of your back.

“No baby,” you all but mumble, trying to stay awake.

“You promise?”

“I swear.”

“I love you so much, honey.”

“You are my world, Andy. I still can’t believe you did all of this for us. It’s so...I’ve never felt so loved or cared for in my life, and I’m trying to accept that all of this is real, it’s just gonna take a bit. I’m so afraid you’re gonna wake up one day and decide I’m not worth all of this and walk away. Everyone always walks away.”

“Honey, I told you I’m all in and I mean that. This isn’t a phase and I’m not looking to fuck around. I’m in love with you, so fucking in love. That’s not changing.”

Now you’re crying for a completely different reason.

“I’m so happy, Andy. Thank you.”

“Get some rest, sweetheart.”

As you drift off to sleep, feeling safe and secure in Andy’s arms, you slowly feel your fears and insecurities fall away.

Maybe this all can work out.

**

When you wake up, the sun is setting, the TV is on, and you’re alone in bed. You grab your phone, (ignoring all of your notifications) and see that it’s 5:30.

You would sleep the day away.

You’re slow to get out of bed and make your way over to his drawers, quickly grabbing one of his sweaters since your clothes are still in the car. A smile comes to your as the memories of what took place earlier play in your head.

It wasn’t a dream.

You quietly make your way down the steps, listening for Andy, but when you hear him the backyard, your smile quickly fades.

“Laurie, I’m not having this talk when you’re drunk...Jacob took Sarah away this weekend and when he comes back, he’s moving out. You know that’s why I did it this way...he’s not going to notice anything, he’ll be too busy taking out all of his packed boxes...I’ll tell him when I finish helping him and Sarah move into their new place....I would imagine Y/N is gonna be there, she is their best friend...don’t start that shit again....I’ll tell him about her when we’re both ready...well, we wouldn’t still be married if you’d sign the damn papers, now would we?...God, don’t start with the tears...listen, I’m gonna go. Please don’t call me again, unless it’s to tell me you’ve signed the papers,” he finishes with a frustrated sigh before hanging up and tossing his phone down and taking a seat on one of the lawn chairs.

“I’m guessing she’s not taking the move well,” you practically whisper.

“Hey,” he smiles at you, but his eyes show just how frustrated he is.

“Andy-”

“Don’t start, honey. Come here.”

You slowly walk over to him and pulls you down into his lap and holds you close.

“Do not worry about Laurie, I can handle her.”

“You wouldn’t have to if I hadn’t-”

“Stop that, you didn’t do anything.”

“I kissed you.”

“I was in love with you long before that kiss, sweetheart. Besides, I was the one who begged you to let me take you home.”

“Baby-”

“You said it yourself; this is gonna get harder before it gets easier. Laurie can cry and complain all she wants to, it’s not going to change anything.”

“What about Jacob?” you mumble, cuddling up and curling in to him.

“That’s up to you. I told you; you set the pace.”

You’re thoughtful before you speak, “after graduation and the proposal. Those are both really special days, and I know that this will ruin it for him,” you softly sigh.

“Babe, he’s gonna get over it.”

“Will he, Andy? Sarah and Laurie are convinced that he’s in love with me-”

“Because he is.”

“Oh, not you too!”

“You can’t tell me that you don’t see it.”

“I don’t because he’s not!”

Andy just sighs and presses kiss to your forehead, “okay, honey.”

“Besides, if that is true, he’s probably never going to talk to me again.”

“He’ll get over it. Yes, he is going to be upset and overreact, but he’ll get over it. You’re his best friend and, at some point, he’ll get over it.”

“Andy-”

“Listen, if it’s too much for you-”

“It’s not,” you quickly interject, “you’re worth all of this and more. I just...I have to prepare myself.”

“We’re this together, sweetheart,” he promises, pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

“ ‘Roman Holiday’ was on when I got up.”

“I planned that perfectly,” he laughs softly.

“I think I’d like for us to do that one day. Have our own Roman Holiday.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” you nod as a small smile comes to your face, “I think it would be a lot of fun. Plus, we’ve never actually been away together, obviously. When I have some more money saved up, we should go. Would you like that?”

“Anything I get to do with you is something I’d love.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

You two spend the rest of evening cooking dinner, planning when to move some of your stuff in, and deciding what time you both wanted to get up to go and look at furniture.

After almost falling asleep in bed, twice, you both decide it’s time to shower and call it a night. It’s the best shower you’ve ever had with another person, because there was nothing sexual about it. You both washed each other, made each other laugh, and at the end; he just holds you tight and kisses the top of your head.

You never knew love could feel this good.

“You’re not wearing your ring,” you yawn as you two settle under the covers and turn out the lights.

“Why should I?”

“You’re still married.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m not. I signed the papers and the only person I’m with is you.”

“Andy, people will notice.”

“Good,” is all he says before wrapping his arm around you and pulling you close. “That way, when they see us together, there won’t be anything to question.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, honey. Goodnight.”

You’re almost asleep when you remember, “babe?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you get a place with three rooms.”

“Oh,” he comments softly and you feel him stiffen a little. “Well, ya know, for when Jacob and Sarah sleepover.”

“You’re gonna make them sleep in separate rooms?”

“Well, if they want options.”

“What are you not telling me?”

“Just...maybe one day...if you wanted to have a kid or kids with me...we have the space,” he confesses sheepishly.

You turn over in his hold, wide eyed and in complete disbelief, “what?”

“You obviously don’t need to think about it now, or even at all, it was just...just in case it is something you want.”

“You want a family with me?”

“I keep telling you that I want everything with you.”

“Even kids?”

“Marriage, kids, sharing an AARP membership,” he laughs, “all of it.”

“If we have kids, you’ll be like Atticus Finch.”

“Only in the sense that I’ll be an old lawyer. We won’t be poor and their mother won’t be dead.”

“That’s a good way to look at it,” you laugh.

“We’ll talk about it more in the morning. I love you, Y/N,” he smirks before kissing your forehead.

“I love you too, Atticus.”

As you drift into dream land, secure in Andy’s hold, you’re finally certain of at least one thing; this isn’t made up at all.

**

Its been a constant roller coaster for you and Andy in the following months after he first shows you the condo he got for you both. After helping Jacob and Sarah move into their new place, Andy told him that he had moved out while he was away, and of course Jacob wanted to go and see it instantly.

“Have you seen the my dad’s new place?” Jacob asks you two sit in your apartment two weeks later.

“Why would I have seen it?” you scoffed before you took a sip of your whiskey neat, trying to burn away the guilt.

“I don’t know, I figured he might’ve asked you for help or something. The place has an essence of you,” he chuckled.

“What does that even mean?”

“Like...some of the sheets in the bedroom, some of the kitchenware, the pillows...hell, even some of the paintings he got. I don’t know, it feels very you,” he shrugged as he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

All of the things you picked out.

“He seems happier though. Maybe this is just what they needed, time apart.”

“Meaning?”

“I don’t know...maybe there’s a chance they’ll get back together.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, doesn’t every kid want their parents to work out their shit out?”

“Not when they’re toxic.”

“I don’t know, I guess with us going to look for rings soon, I’m looking for something to believe in. Believe that love lasts and that its real.”

“Stop it. You and Sarah are different.”

“How would you know?”

“I just do. Besides, maybe the person your father finds next will be the one.”

“I don’t wanna think about that,” Jacob scowled and it only made you feel worse.

“So, when are you gonna propose?” you asked before you downed the rest of your drink, trying to think of anything to make yourself feel a little less worse.

“December.”

“W-why December?”

“One, I just feel crazy right now. Graduation, the new job, adjusting to living with Sarah and paying bills, and all this shit with my parents...it’ll just be too much at once, ya know? Second, I think she’ll really love it if I propose to her at the ‘Festival of Lights’. It’s already the number one thing she looks forward to all year long, so why not propose then?”

“That’s a good point,” you muttered before you downed the rest of your drink.

Jacob spent the next few hours telling you about how torn he is about his parents, how he’s not sure how he’ll handle his parents moving on and his family splitting up, and how he wishes things were like they were before Ben’s murder.

It also didn’t help that Laurie still hadn’t signed the fucking papers.

“Sweetheart, when are you coming home?” Andy asked once you finally answered his call.

“I’m not coming over tonight,” you sobbed, curled up underneath your favorite blanket.

“What’s wrong, baby? What happened?”

“He’s gonna hate me, Andy, He’s never gonna talk to me again,” you cried.

“I’m on my way, sweetheart,” is all he said before hanging up.

Andy was at your place in 10 minutes.

“Sweetheart?” Andy called out, once he entered using the key you had made for him.

“In here,” you croaked out, not even bothering to move.

“Oh honey,” Andy cooed once he made his way into your bedroom. “Do you wanna talk about it?

All you could do was shake your head ‘no’ as you sniffled.

“Then we won’t talk about it,” he agreed as he kicked off his shoes before getting into bed with you, “I’ll just hold you until you feel better,” he cooed as he wrapped his arms around you kissed your forehead.

In moments like those, you were more than happy that you had Andy in your life. He gave you your space, he let you feel what you needed to feel, he never pressured you into telling him what the issue was, and whenever you were ready to tell him, he was patient and understanding.

However, it doesn’t go without saying that you two had your fair share of arguments about the situation you found yourself in.

“Why are you mad at me?!” Andy snapped as the two you got ready for bed.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Andy.”

“Y/N-”

“I just had to stand there like a fucking idiot while you all took family pictures!”

“It was his graduation!”

“I should’ve just stayed home.”

“Stop it, Y/N.”

“Don’t you dare catch an attitude with me, Barber! You’re not in my position! You don’t know how this feels!”

“She’s his mother! What do you want me to do?!”

“I’m sleeping in the other room.”

“Can we please work this out? Don’t go to bed angry.”

“Andy, I’m tired and-”

“What do you want me to do? You’ve heard the phone calls, I’ve offered her everything and she still won’t sign the papers. I’ve threatened legal action and she still won’t sign the papers. You want us to go to her right now and tell her about us? Lets go. You wanna call Jacob right now? We can. I love you. I want to be with you. I am with you!”

In that moment, you felt embarrassingly small.

“Can we just get away?” you questioned as you covered your face with your hands. “Lets just go on a trip. It doesn’t have to be some big to-do, but lets just get the fuck out of here for a while. I feel like I’m split in two and since Jacob is dead set on a December proposal, the feeling isn’t going to go away any time soon.”

“We’ll go away soon, sweetheart. I promise,” he sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Please sleep in here tonight.”

“Yeah, fine.”

“Baby-”

“I’m just...I’m just tired, Andy. Lets just go to bed,” you muttered as you got into bed.

Andy sighed heavily in response before he got into bed and pulled you close.

“I love you, sweetheart. You set the pace for all of this. I just want to be with you. Only you,” he whispered before he kissed the back of your neck.

It’s very rare that you ever find yourself truly angry with Andy. No, he’s not perfect, but he does his best to be perfect for you. Overall, you both are extremely happy, even with things as fucked up as they are.

Your anger is mainly fueled by your frustration. You know that if you leave it up to Andy, he’ll tell everyone everything in an instant.

However, you’re about to railroad Jacob’s whole life, and he deserves better than you fucking up his ideal proposal. Which is why, when he wanted you to spend your birthday with him and Sarah, you didn’t put up a fuss. You spent your morning and afternoon with them, and you spent your night with Andy; him taking you out to dinner and you finishing the night bouncing up and down on his cock.

When Jacob wanted you to go over to his place to hangout, you went without fuss or complaint. When it came to your home with Andy, you accepted with grace that you couldn’t have pictures of the two of you up, just because Jacob liked to frequent his dad’s place. You constantly talk yourself into accepting how things are, because after Christmas, things are about to change drastically.

“Laurie, what do you want me to do? If Jacob wants her at the propsal, he wants her at the proposal,” Andy sighs, plopping down on the sofa next to you, and wrapping an arm around you. “They’re best friends, Laurie. If you’re gonna be this crazy about it, talk to Jacob. This isn’t my proposal...alright, I’m not getting into this, I’m going. Bye,” he snaps before hanging up. “She won’t be my wife forever, she won’t be my wife forever,” he mutters to himself as he pulls you close.

“I can say that I’m sick and not show up-”

“No,” he instantly cuts you off, “you’re going to be there and she’s going to deal with it. She doesn’t even know we’re together, so it’s just her being paranoid.”

“I don’t want her to keep giving you a hard time.”

“She’s hellbent on always giving me a hard time. Don’t worry about it.”

“Andy-”

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” he repeats in a firmer yet gentle tone.

You sigh before straddling him, “how can I make you feel better?”

“It’s not fair when you ask that question and you’re in this position,” he whines.

You dip down and whisper seductively in his ear, “you know I’m yours to use however you want, daddy.”

“Y/N,” he growls, gripping hips tight.

“Take what’s yours, daddy,” you moan, grinding yourself against him.

“Sweet girl,” he husks.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to sit on my face, sweet girl. Ride my face until I’m drowning in cum from that sweet pussy.”

“Oh daddy,” you whimper, picking up your pace.

“Then, I’m gonna abuse both your holes because daddy needs to relieve some stress.”

“I’ve missed having you in my ass, daddy!”

“Yeah, well get ready for a long-”

“Dad!” Jacob calls from the other side of the door, knocking a little aggressively.

“Fuck,” Andy breathes into the crook of your neck.

“I’ll make myself scarce-”

“No no, I’ll think of something to tell him by the time I’m at the front door. Fuck, we’re picking this up the second he leaves.”

“I’m betting on it,” you giggle softly.

You moan as you get off of him, the friction of your panties rubbing against your now extremely sensitive clit only making you more desperate, and Andy’s quick to give you that look.

“I know, daddy: I can’t cum until you say so.”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirks at you before getting up, readjusting his pants, and slowly making his way to the front door.

You quickly turn on the TV (happy that it’s Turner Classic Movies) before heading into the kitchen and making drinks for you and Andy.

“Hey bud, what’s up?”

“I need to talk to you,” Jacob mutters, pushing right past Andy. “Should I propose-”

“Hey Jake,” you smile, popping out from the kitchen and holding a glass out to Andy, which he happily takes.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had a few legal questions for Andy about my parents, because they’ve been driving me crazy. The more I talked about it, the more I got upset, so we turned on Turner Classic Movies, and I just made us some drinks. I figured we’d dive back in soon.”

“You could’ve just come to me, ya know.”

“Are you a lawyer?”

“Don’t be an asshole-”

“Jacob!” Andy snaps.

“You know what I mean,” he rolls his eyes, “you could’ve talked to me.”

“You’ve been so stressed lately, I didn’t want to add on anymore.”

“I wouldn’t have-”

“Yes, you would have. Whenever I bring up how upset my parents make me, you get pissed off and worked up.”

“You don’t tell me anything anymore!”

“It’s one thing, Jake.”

“Whatever.”

“Jake, you didn’t come here to argue with me, I’ll go-”

“We’ll go into my office, you sit down and calm down,” Andy tells you softly.

You want to say something, but you know there’s no use. As Andy leads Jacob to his office, you resume your seat on the sofa and do your best to focus on the movie on the screen, but now you’re irritated.

For the last few months, when you tell either Sarah or Andy something before you tell him, he catches an attitude. The only thing that you’ve purposely kept a secret from him is your relationship with Andy, and it’s obvious why. Hell, he was pissy with you for being secretive about his birthday until the actual surprise. Even then, he gave you a half-ass apology. You don’t know when he started getting so selfish with you, but you’re really growing tired of it.

Until he starts hating you for being with Andy, Jacob is still your best friend, and you’ve done your best to show him that. By the time both men come out of the office, you can tell that Jacob is more at ease, but it’s also clear (to you at least) that Andy is trying his best to hide his frustration.

“Y/N, you’re gonna be there tomorrow, right?” Jacob asks, standing in the doorway.

“Are you done being a dick?”

“You know I’m sorry-”

“That would be something hard to know since you never fucking said it.”

“I really am sorry, Y/N. I don’t know whats gotten into me lately, but I don’t mean any of it. I’m just frustrated and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Jake. Just don’t make a habit of taking your anger out on me, please. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you smile softly.

Jacob just nods before practically running out.

“He should be wearing a jacket,” you mutter as Andy closes the door.

You’re about to ask him what’s going on, when he suddenly throws you over his shoulder, “unbutton your jeans,” is all he said as he starts on his way up the stairs.

Maybe you won’t make it tomorrow.

“Take them off,” he demands, tossing you down on the bed before taking off his shirt and undoing his pants, “and take your fucking shirt and bra off too.”

You want to tell him to calm down and ask him what happened, but you’ve never seen him this angry before, and your hormones are winning the battle.

He lays down next and motions for you to come over, “come take a ride on daddy’s face, sweet girl.”

And just like that, you’re doing any and everything he wants.

You were already expecting Andy to be rough with you, but you didn’t think he’d be as rough as he is. It’s not like you mind or that it hurts, in fact you’ll probably ask him to act like this more often, but pleasure aside: something is wrong.

“Come on, sweet girl, give it to me,” he grunts, fucking you hard from behind, pushing you to your limit for the third time.

“Daddy,” you mindlessly moan, clawing at the sheets that you’re more than sure are ruined.

“This cunt is amazing, sweetheart! You’re being such a good little girl for me!” he praises, slapping your ass hard.

“Fuck!”

“There she is! The way this pussy clenches me!”

“Fuck! Daddy!” you cry out, squirting on his cock for what feels like the millionth time, as your body gets lost in another mind-numbing orgasm.

“Good girl,” he grunts, coating your inner walls with his desire.

He hovers for a moment, panting above you before he pulls out, and you think he’s finally spent.

“Get on your back, sweet girl,” he husks, pinning you down.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Andy, baby...wait.”

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“Baby, I’m perfect, but you...you aren’t,” you breathe, trying to get your thoughts together, “what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he mutters before dipping down to kiss you, but you turn your head away just in time. “Sweet girl-”

“No Andy. We can go all night if you want to, just like this, but you gotta talk to me, baby, please. What happened?”

“Please-”

“Andy, this doesn’t work if we don’t talk to each other.”

He lets out an exasperated sigh before collapsing next you on the bed and staring up at the ceiling, “Laurie told Jacob I started seeing someone.”

“I’m sorry, she did what?!”

“He obviously doesn’t know it’s you, but he did have questions about you...us. I obviously lied and he bought it, but it’s only gonna make everything worse in the long run.”

“Did he say anything about it?”

“Well, he wants to meet her,” he scoffs, running one of his frustrated hands through damp his hair, “he’s a little upset because he was holding out hope, but he understands.”

“Do you want to just tell him now?”

“No, because you’re right; him finding out before proposing would ruin everything. Everything is tied into one, sweetheart,” he sighs heavily.

“What are you not telling me, baby?”

“The reason he came over initially...he was having cold feet about proposing to Sarah, because...he figured out that he has feelings for you.”

“Jesus Christ,” you groan into your hands.

You can’t catch a fucking break.

“I asked him if he could see himself having a real future with you if he broke it off with Sarah, and he said no. He said that he isn’t in love, but he didn’t realize just how much he was used to being the only one in your life until he stopped being the only person you spend your time with. He swears it’s just a crush and that he’ll get over it. That’s when he asked if anything was going on between us and I told him that we’re just friends. I know for a fact that this is why Laurie said anything, because she wants her suspicions confirmed. To pull this shit now though? The day before he’s supposed to propose? That’s a fucking low blow, even for her.”

“We’ll just...we’ll deal with it after Christmas, okay baby?”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to-”

“Hey, we are in this together. This is something we both decided to do and I’m all in. Whatever we have to face, we’ll face it together. Good or bad.”

“You know this means we’re gonna have to be even more discreet, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” you sigh, finally turning on your side to look at him, “but it won’t always be like this,” you smile weakly.

Andy raises himself up on his elbow and looks you over, before cupping your face and giving you one of the most passionate kisses hes ever given you, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Ya know, you did say that we can go all night just like we were...”

“We can do whatever you wanna do, daddy,” you smirk as he chuckles before kissing you again.

You both go for another two rounds before deciding that you need it to call it a night. However, neither of you actually goes to sleep. Andy just holds you close while leaning against the headboard, stroking your arm gently, while you lay your head on his chest. Not a word is spoken as you two lookout the window; up at the moon, it’s just a silent understanding that very soon, things are going to become very hectic and chaotic.

**

“Why aren’t you coming to the ‘Festival of Lights’?!” Sarah whines into the phone and you laugh.

“I have some things I need to take care of.”

“You better not be putting Andy before me.”

“I’m not!” you laugh, coming up to a red light, “Christmas is a week away and I’ve got some last minute things to do.”

“Y/N!”

“Listen, it’s not my fault they choose the worst time to do this every year. A lot’s been going on.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I mean, yes and no.”

“Uh oh, what happened? What did the Wicked Witch do now?”

“Don’t worry-”

“No no, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Laurie told Jacob that Andy has started seeing someone.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“To make matters worse,” you start as the light turns green and you pull off, “I was over when Jacob came over last night, and of course he asked Andy about it.”

“Oh no.”

“And of course, Andy lied.”

“Fuck.”

“So, thanks for that, Laurie.”

“Why not just tell him?”

“And ruin his Christmas? No thanks.”

“That’s a fair point. He’s actually so excited this year. Christmas morning with you, lunch with Andy and my parents, then dinner with Laurie. He’s planned the shit out of it,” she laughs softly. “What about you and Andy?”

“He’s coming to get me as soon as you two leave for dinner,” you chuckle.

“Ugh, I’m so happy for you two. You’ve been so much happier these last few months, and the fact that he got a home for you both? Y/N, I’m so damn happy for you.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“Oh, I hear footsteps approaching, we’ll talk about this more later, okay?”

“Sounds good,” you smile as you pull up to the town square, “I love you.”

“I love you,” she beams before hanging up.

As you park your car, you see Laurie standing next to Andy, and you mentally prepare yourself not to punch her face in on site.

“Oh thank God you’re here!” Sarah’s mom laughs, as you get out and open your trunk. “You know how everything is supposed to look and Jacob was a nervous wreck when he was here earlier.”

“He wasn’t that bad,” Laurie laughs following behind her.

“Sorry sorry, things ran a little late at work, but I’m here now and we’ve got...2 hours to get this done! We can-”

“Hour and a half,” Andy interjects with a laugh. “Jacob is a little too excited for Christmas this year, so Sarah wants to show up early.”

“Well...shit, okay then,” you laugh awkwardly. “I guess we should get to work.

As everyone gets to work on setting up the “proposal area”, you can’t help but notice how much Laurie is clinging to Andy, and how much Andy is trying to keep his distance. The whole thing wants to make you scream, but what can you do? What can you say? As far as everyone knows, you and Andy are nothing more than acquaintances.

So, you have no other option but to sit and watch?

An hour into setting up, your phone buzzes and you assume it’s Jacob, but a small smile comes to your face when you read the name on your phone.

My Heart: I know we said we won’t see each other again until Christmas, but I really want to see you tonight.

Y/N: Baby, you know we can’t.

My Heart: Laurie is driving me insane, all I wanna do is kiss you, and I hate sleeping alone.

Y/N: Christmas will be here before you know it, baby. Besides, we’ll find other alternatives while we wait. As for Laurie, I’m ready wring her fucking neck if she puts her hands on you one more time. What the fuck is she even talking about?

My Heart: How excited she is and reminiscing about how we used to talk about this day all the time.

Y/N: Of course she fucking is, because I guarantee you she doesn’t think that Jacob talked to you about what she fucking said.

My Heart: I wanna say something so bad, but this isn’t the fucking time or place, and I’m not gonna argue with her before Christmas.

Y/N: We’ll sort all of this soon. Today isn’t about any of this. Jacob and Sarah have been through a lot and I just want this to be perfect for them.

My Heart: I am so in love with you, did you know that?

Y/N: That’s good to hear, because the feeling is mutual :)

You look up and over at him for just a split second, and see the biggest smile on his face, and a small one comes to yours. God, you can’t to truly be with him. When your phone buzzes again, you know who it is before even checking it.

The Dark Lord: We’re on our way!

“Alright everyone, they’re on their way, so finish up and get to your spots,” you happily announce, tying up your last bow.

Everything is perfect, it’s even snowing, but you’re still annoyed. You completely understand why Laurie and Andy’s hiding spot is together, but it’s painfully clear that Laurie isn’t going down without a fight. Yeah, Andy will turn down all of her advances, but she shouldn’t be trying anything anyway. Whether or not you’re with Andy, he’s made it perfectly clear that he just wants to move on, and she refuses to accept that.

Also, yes, he’s your boyfriend so everyone needs to back off.

However, you can’t focus on that right now. Jacob and Sarah will be arriving any moment, and you’re the one in charge of recording everything.

Thank God you finally hear Sarah’s voice.

“Jacob, c’mon! I wanna do the maze while it’s still snowing!” she calls and you force yourself not to giggle.

“I had to grab something from the car, take a walk with me really quick though.”

“Babe-”

“I have a surprise for you,” he laughs softly as he takes her hand and starts to walk towards the spot that’s been set up for them. “Now, I know nothing about this relationship has really been normal or easy, for fucks sake, we started talking because you wanted to tip me off about what Derick said over a murder case,” he shakes his head in disbelief. “Yet, here we are all these years later, still in love and making it work. There’s no one else I can see myself having a future with and there’s no one else I want a future with.”

“Jacob-”

“I am moody, messy, argumentative, and I always forget to clean the coffee grinds out of the sink, but Sarah...I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. So,” he starts as he gets down on one knee and ‘Reflecting Light’ by Sam Phillips starts playing, “will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Sarah doesn’t hesitate for a second.

“Of course!” she squeals, almost knocking him over with a hug.

Everyone soon erupts into cheers and applause as they come out of their hiding spots, and you finally stop recording.

“You sneaky little bitch!” Sarah exclaims when she sees you. “I love you so much!”

“I love you too,” you laugh as she almost knocks you over.

“You know you’re my maid of honor right?!”

“You sure about that?” you laugh as you two break apart, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything,” she promises with a nod.

Thank God for loyal friends.

Soon enough, it was time for photos and you do your best to mask the pain you feel when you Laurie hanging all over Andy. You know she’s doing it for show, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. You want so badly to be in those photos and not some secret. You want so badly to just feel like it’s really real.

When she kisses Andy on the cheek, you’re not sure how you’re able to hold yourself back from smacking the shit out of her.

‘This isn’t about you or Andy. Control yourself,’ you tell yourself mentally.

“Y/N, you should get in some of these pictures,” Andy calls, giving you a small smile.

So much for being more discreet.

“What? Why?” Laurie questions, very obviously upset.

“She’s their best friend and has been there for them almost as long as their relationship, She’s practically apart of the family. Besides, she’s also the one came up with the design for all of this and got the decorations.”

“That’s a fair point,” Laurie begrudgingly agrees.

Well. Shit.

You’re about to stand on the other side of Laurie when Andy says, “here, stand between Laurie and I.”

“What? Why?”

“She can’t stand between Jacob and me or between Jacob or Sarah. She obviously stand between Sarah and her parents.”

“But why between us?”

“Why does it matter? It’s not like we’re together anymore.”

Fuck.

“It’s not a big deal, Mr. Barber, I can stand on the other side of-”

“No, that’s okay,” Laurie smiles the best she can, trying and failing to mask her pain, anger, and embarrassment. “You can stand between Andy and I.”

You and Sarah exchange a quick look before you stand between Andy and Laurie, and the smile that comes to your face is genuine. Not only is Andy going out of his way to make sure you’re included, but he’s also taking a stand.

He’s standing up to Laurie.

Yes, Andy’s a good man and you’re more than sure it hurt him to hurt and embarrass her, but it’s not like she didn’t draw first blood. From the look on Laurie’s face, she could tell that he really isn’t coming back.

He isn’t going to and he doesn’t want to.

You can’t stop yourself when he comes over later that night. Yeah, you two agreed to be more discreet, but after the massive display of affection he showed, waiting till Christmas feels a little more impossible.

However, that night was the only slip up you two had. From then until Christmas Eve, it was only texts, phone calls, and FaceTime. The only reason you went home (his place) on Christmas Eve was because he invited Sarah and Jacob over to decorate the Christmas tree, and Jacob invited you.

You both tried to hide how happy you were about doing something so simple together, but the look on Sarah’s let you know that she could see right through it. All she did was offer a small and subtle smile.

As silly as it seems, it was one of the best nights of your life.

You can’t think about that right now, though. You can’t even think about Andy, because you’ll get too excited and Jacob will start asking questions. In a few hours, you’ll be having the best Christmas ever, but for now, you need to focus.

“So, have you met my dad’s new girlfriend?” Jacob asks as you all finish up breakfast.

“Leave her alone, babe,” Sarah coos, collecting the plates and taking them all to your kitchen.

“It’s just a simple question.”

“Why do you think I’ve met her?” you ask sheepishly, quickly grabbing your coffee and taking sip; doing your best to hide your face.

“You two just seem pretty friendly-”

“You saw me at his house once and it was just to ask legal advice. There’s no reason for me to know anything else about his personal life, Jake.”

Lie.

“Speaking of that, how the hell are you gonna handle Christmas with your parents?”

“In and out for both. I’ll pop in, drop off gifts, and come back here, make dinner, and watch Christmas movies.”

Another lie.

“That sounds lonely, you wanna come with us to have dinner with my mom?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure she just wants to spend time with you two.”

Truth.

“Lunch with my dad and Sarah’s family?”

“I have gifts to give,” you laugh humorlessly.

Another fucking lie.

“I just know that Christmas is your favorite and I feel bad about you spending it all alone.”

“It’s really okay, Jake. I’m fine with it. Being alone isn’t so bad. I’ll have ice cream, booze, and my favorite holiday movies. I’ll be fine.”

Lie, lie, lie.

“If you say so,” he sighs as he gets up, “but we gotta get going. We’re meeting my dad at Sarah’s parents’ house, then it’s off to my mother’s. This would be a lot simpler if they could’ve just stayed together,” he grumbles.

Ah, yes. There it is: guilt.

“We’ve had this talk, Jake: it’s for the better.”

“I know, I know, but still.”

“Just do your best to enjoy the day, okay?”

“I guess. I love you and I hope you enjoy your gifts,” he smiles as you both stand up and he engulfs you in a huge hug.

“I love you too, Jake. Merry Christmas.”

“We’ll see you after New Year?” Sarah asks as she makes her way over to you.

“Yeah, lets all do lunch on the 14th. Sound good?”

“It’s perfect,” she smiles as she wraps you in a tight hug. “Enjoy your time with him, you both love each other so much. I left the food you asked for in the fridge and Jake has no idea,” she whispers.

“Thank you, Sarah. For everything. I love you,” you whisper back, hugging her just a little bit tighter, before breaking away.

“I guess we’re off,” she sighs as she makes her way over to Jacob.

“You just gotta get through today then you two are on vacation,” you laugh.

“Thank God.”

The second they’re out the door, you’re pulling out Andy’s gifts and wrapping them. It would’ve been done earlier, but with Andy soaking up every single free moment you have since you two can’t see each other, it wasn’t going to happen.

You both agreed to small gifts, but you knew Andy was bullshitting, so you went a little over your budget (nothing you couldn’t make up with overtime), and got him a couple of pricey gifts you knew he’d love and find useful.

You take your time showering, feeling both anxious and excited about spending an almost normal Christmas Andy. The fact that, soon enough, you two will be able to have a real relationship and not have to hide in the shadows. You’ll live together, shop together, fall asleep together, talk about your days in person, have dinner together...all of it. So many things that are done in private, will finally be able to happen freely in the public.

Soon, you and Andy will finally have the life you’ve both been desperately seeking for over a year.

You decide on dressing in your favorite Christmas leggings and pull on the AC/DC crew neck he’s always happy to see you in. Just as you finish brushing out your hair, your phone buzzes and the butterflies appear all over again.

My Heart: On my way, sweetheart.

The squeal that leaves your mouth even causes you to laugh.

You gather all your groceries for dinner, as well as, gifts and a few more clothes you want to move into your home with Andy, before checking that everything is off and away as it should be. Then, you quickly making your way downstairs to the parking garage and waiting for him.

When he pulls in a few minutes later, you can tell he’s laughing without the window even being open.

“I would’ve come up to get you,” he laughs as you get into his car.

“I was too excited! Merry Christmas!” you beam, wrapping your arms around him and engulfing him in a tight hug.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” he chuckles softly, “you ready to go home?”

“Always.”

The entire time Andy is driving, you sing all of your favorite Christmas songs loud and off key.

And he’s begging you to stop.

“Okay, now I know that for next Christmas, I need to hide all things that provide music,” Andy sighs as you two make your way inside the house.

“You loved every second of it, I don’t care what you say,” you smirk as set up your presents up underneath the tree.

“Yeah yeah, which present do you wanna open-”

“No no, there’s an art to this. For starters, you should be wearing something Christmas-y, not jeans and a sweater.”

“I don’t have anything Christmas-y,” he chuckles and you shake your head.

“I thought you’d say that, that’s why I got you this!”

“I’m not wearing that.”

“Andy, you can’t break Christmas rules.”

“Since when is wearing a ridiculous sweater a Christmas rule?”

“Since you decided you’re in love with me. Now, put this on, along with some sweatpants, and I’ll make the drinks.”

“I’m about to have the longest Christmas ever, aren’t I?”

“You bet your ass, now change,” you giggle as you make your way into the kitchen.

You hear Andy huff before he starts on his way upstairs, and giggle a little as you get to work on the hot chocolates. Once the stove is hot enough, you start mixing everything together before grabbing a few of the appetizers you asked Andy to get out of the freezer, and preheating the oven.

“I’m not coming downstairs,” Andy calls from the top of the stairs.

“Oh, stop it! It’s not the bunny outfit from ‘A Christmas Story’, it’s just an ugly sweater.”

“It’s the ugliest sweater.”

“C’mon, Christmas grump.”

“I’m not a Christmas grump,” he mumbles as he starts making his down the steps. The second you see him, you burst out laughing and he rolls his eyes. “I’m not wearing this ever again.”

“It’s okay to look ridiculous, babe,” you giggle, “I do it every day.”

“You’ve never looked ridiculous a day in your life,” he smirks as he makes his way over to you, snaking his arms around your waist.

“You’re sweet. How was lunch?”

“How was breakfast?”

“That bad, huh?”

“Sarah’s dad was telling me about all the women he could set me up with and Jacob kept asking me about my new girlfriend.”

“He tried to ask me about your new girlfriend too.”

“I could scream at Laurie.”

“It’s Christmas, babe. Don’t think about it,” you sigh as pour the hot chocolate into two mugs. “We’re gonna have a shit show to deal with after New Year, so lets just enjoy today.”

“Why is the oven on?”

“So I can heat up the appetizers?”

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna start making dinner before we open gifts,” he groans, resting his head in the crook of your neck as you start laughing.

“Babe, it’s late! I should’ve started making dinner a while ago!”

“Who needs dinner?”

“Andy.”

“I wanna know what you got me!”

“I didn’t know that I’m in love with a child.”

“According to the town, I am.”

“Fuck you!” you laugh as you feel him smirk against your shoulder. “One gift, Andy.”

“That means you have to open one too.”

“I wanna wait.”

“You’re difficult, you know that?”

“You’re one to talk,” you grin.

“Fine, I’ll wait to open my gift,” he huffs and you can’t stop yourself from giggling. “What’s for dinner tonight?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Are you gonna be like this every Christmas?”

“Uh huh,” you smile, pouring Baileys into his hot chocolate then yours, “and you’re gonna love it.”

Andy takes a seat at the kitchen island and starts telling you about the traditions him and his mom had up until she passed away, while you get the appetizers together and put them in the oven. Just as you close the oven door, ‘The Christmas Song’ starts playing and you don’t even notice that he’s standing right behind you.

“Andy-”

“I think we should dance, don’t you?”

“You never fail to surprise me,” you laugh softly.

He pulls you close and you two slowly dance to one of your absolute favorite songs, and it feels like a dream.

Being with Andy is a dream come true.

When the song comes to and end, Andy continues to hold you close and rests his head on top of yours.

“I just want to stay in this moment for a minute,” he states softly, “I’ve waited for you for so long, and I’ve loved you...I just want us to stay like this for a moment. We finally got here, babe, and I just want to live in the moment that has made me the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

You both just stand there and hold each other until the timer goes off on the stove.

You place a soft kiss on his chest before letting go of him and opening the stove, “alright, I made a few different things, because options are always a good thing.”

“That and you’re terrible at making decisions.”

“Both can be true,” you huff before sticking your tongue out at him and he chuckles. “What Christmas movie would you like to watch?”

“I don’t really have a favorite. I guess, ‘The Shop Around The Corner’? That was my mom’s favorite.”

“She had great taste,” you smile at him as you finish set up the plate, before you both head into the living room.

For the first hour, everything is perfect and Andy teases you for being able quote the movie line for line.

However, dreams do have their bumps from time to time.

“Fuck,” you mutter as your phone starts going off.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know who it is and I don’t wanna talk to her.”

“You don’t have to answer, sweetheart.”

“Yeah I do, or she’ll just keep calling,” you mutter, sitting up and grabbing your phone. “Hello?”

“Well, merry Christmas to you too,” your mother laughs and you roll your eyes. “When are you coming over? David and I are waiting.”

“Who the hell is David?”

“My boyfriend.”

“What the hell happened to Eric?”

“Oh, we broke up months ago.”

“Of course you did. Anyway, I told you last night that I’m not coming over.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m not arguing about this with you again. I don’t want to see you and I don’t wanna see dad. I don’t need either of you ruining my favorite holiday.”

“Y/N, I know we’ve had our differences but this used to be our-”

“Don’t. This was our holiday until you deiced that I don’t matter anymore. I did one Christmas without you both and it was almost near perfect. I think I’ll survive another one just fine without you two.”

“If you don’t see your dad-”

“You ruined it when you decided that I don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I see him or not, you’ll always talk shit about him, and he’ll always talk shit about you. Now, I’m actually enjoying my day and I’m not about to ruin it by arguing with you. I love you and Merry Christmas,” you finish with an exasperated sigh before hanging up.

You feel your tears coming on and you know you shouldn’t be, but you’re upset with yourself. Why let her get to you? Why let either of them get to you? They chose to make it this way and you’ve made your peace with that, so why are you so worked up now?

“Talk to me, honey. What’s going on?” Andy questions, pausing the movie and pulling you close.

“It’s so fucking stupid,” you sob, wiping your eyes, “I’m ruining everything.”

“Hey, no you aren’t. What’s going on?”

“Christmas was such a big deal when I was child because we didn’t have any money. We made ornaments, stayed up on Christmas Eve to decorate our shitty tree and watch movies, then on Christmas Day my mom would make a big breakfast,” you chuckle softly, sniffling a little. “We’d eat, sing and dance around to Christmas songs, watch more movies, have a small lunch, and we’d get around to presents late in the afternoon. I never cared about them much, because I knew they couldn’t afford a lot. The only thing I cared about was that we were happy. For two days out of the year, we were all really happy and we were happy together.

Then as I got older, and they started arguing more, Christmas became a day for just my mom and I. She knew how much it meant to me and she wanted me to still have that feeling. She wanted me to know that even though things were changing, some things would always stay the same. It was alright for a while, but after the divorce...it just got so nasty. I would split my day with them, which would be an argument on its own, because the both them wanted me for the day. I would spend the morning and evening with her, then finish the day with him. Yeah, they had money at that point so they showered me with gifts, but they would just talk shit about each other to me. The whole spirit and idea of it was ruined. Last year was the first Christmas I spent alone and it was the first time that I loved it again since I was 15. There was no arguing, no feelings of guilt that I could letting one of them down, and no anger. It was me, my TV, ice cream, wine, and a quiet dinner.

Now, I get to spend it with you and I’m so fucking happy, because even without the gifts, this is the best. I have you and I really couldn’t ask for anything else,” you smile at him as more tears start to come.

“But?”

“Jacob doesn’t understand how lucky he is at times. Even with you and Laurie split up, he still got to see the both of you today. You’re a gentleman, so I know you didn’t say anything awful about Laurie, and for as awful as Laurie is, she knows how much Jacob worships the ground you walk on, so she’s not going to say anything terrible about you. Even if it’s not together, he still gets to see the both of you and enjoy it. He gets to bring Sarah with him and know he won’t be embarrassed or have to apologize for the actions of his parents. My parents fucking hate each other and that’s never going to change, and I know for a fact that if I were to ever bring you on the holidays, it’ll be a shit show.

They’ll spend the whole time just tearing each other down. I’m so fucking mad at them for doing this. For just tearing apart something that meant so much to me. That means something to me. Christmas was such a special time for us and it was everything, and now I’ll never enjoy it with them again. The one thing that would bring us together is now one of the many things that keeps us apart,” you cry.

“Sweetheart,” Andy coos, pulling onto his lap and you lay your head on his shoulder, “that’s not stupid at all. It’s okay to be upset about something that’s upsetting. Your parents have had more than enough time to get their shit together, and the fact that they refuse to is utter bullshit. You told your mother last night that you weren’t coming over, and she still called and tried to act like it was something that hadn’t been discussed. That’s fucked up, and no matter what’s happened over time, she knows how much today means to you. It’s fucked up and it’s selfish. Don’t feel like you’re ruining anything by being rightfully upset, because you’re not.”

“I should start on dinner,” you sniff, wiping your eyes as you go to get up, but Andy’s hold on you is strong.

“Hey, I love you, Y/N,” he tells you as he softly forces your gaze on him with his free hand. “It’s okay to open up to me about your past, you know that.”

“I don’t want you to go away, Andy.”

“I’ve told you I’m not and I mean that, why don’t you trust that?”

“Because you’re too good to be true,” you laugh humorlessly, “I keep waiting for you to go, because all of this is a lot. I’m a lot to deal with.”

“Babe, I got us a home,” he chuckles, “what else do you need me to do? You want me to propose?”

“Andy.”

“Listen, I think about it every single day. I want everything with you forever. I’ll propose to and marry you today if that’s what it takes for you to believe me.”

You don’t even think about it; you just cup his face and kiss him passionately. As always, you want to get lost in Andrew Steven Barber and every emotion he makes you feel. Even if it all crashes and burns, everything he makes you feel lets you know that all of this is worth it.

He truly is the love of your life.

“I should start on dinner,” you breathe once you two break apart.

“After the movie?”

“It’s getting late and-”

“Please?”

You’ll never tell him no.

“Right after.”

“Sounds good to me,” he smiles at you before pressing play on the movie.

You two barely watch the movie, because neither of you can keep your hands off of each other, but the second it comes to an end, you’re practically pushing Andy off of you.

“Just a little bit longer,” he begs breathlessly.

“Judging by what I just felt on my inner thigh, we won’t get anything else done tonight,” you laugh.

“Tonight?”

“I’ll make you so happy tonight, daddy,” you promise in the innocent tone that makes him insanely feral.

“Don’t start,” he warns with a low growl as he gets off of you.

“Punish me for it later,” you wink, getting up and letting up a little yelp when he slaps your ass. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, daddy.”

“I swear to God, you’re gonna ruin me,” he groans and you laugh. “What am I supposed to do while you’re cooking?”

“Watch ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’,” you shrug before walking out of the room, and you hear him scoff.

You start going over everything that you two discussed over in your head as you start on dinner and it feels as if your heart is about to burst open.

Yes, hes told you he wants everything with you multiple times, but the fact that he’s so ready to marry you? It’s not something he said just put you at ease, and you could tell by the look in his eyes.

You know that he’s happy to wait and you’re so happy he’s so patient with you, because the reality of someone genuinely loving and wanting you is something you still aren’t able to able to believe.

However, that’s not something you wanna focus on right now. It’s Christmas and you’ve got a dinner to prepare.

You notice that the water is finally boiling and you frown. You hate this part.

You sigh as you open the fridge and take out the stapled plastic bag. “Sorry buddy, I really don’t wanna do this.”

You take the lobster out of the bag, place it on the cutting board, and look at it. You wanna call Andy in and ask him to kill it, but it’s supposed to be a surprise, so that would defeat the purpose. Sure, you can close your eyes, but knowing you, that’ll more than likely make things worse. Usually, you can get Sarah or Jacob to do it, but that’s obviously not an option right now.

You’ve just got to do it.

You pick up the knife and hold it directly over the lobster’s head, “I’m so sorry!” you exclaim before stabbing it.

You’re quick to remove the rubber bands on its claws and throw it into the pot, before throwing the knife into the sink.

You’re a murderer.

“What’s going on in here?” Andy asks as he makes his way into the kitchen.

“Nothing nothing,” you smile as you quickly cover the lid.

“Who were you apologizing to?” he asks as he cocks an eyebrow.

“Dinner.”

“What the hell are you making?” he laughs.

“You just wait and see. Now, out of the kitchen!”

“I want a drink,” he says with a coy smile as he makes his way over to the cabinet and grabs a glass.

“Don’t try and get slick with me, Barber,” you laugh.

“I’m not trying anything,” he shrugs as he pours himself a drink, but you see the smile playing on his lips.

“Out of the kitchen.”

“I miss you.”

“You’re nosey.”

“Both can be true.”

“Andy!” you laugh, pushing him playfully.

“I’ll leave you alone...for now,” his tone foreboding as he starts to walk away, “but I’ll be back.”

“Out of the kitchen!” you laugh before sticking your tongue out at him.

From that moment on, Andy won’t give you a moment of peace. He’s either trying to call you out of the kitchen or he pops in to bother you.

“You’re making steak? Now we’re getting somewhere!” he beams as he pops up behind you, causing you to jump.

“You’re honestly the worst person to make dinner for,” you giggle as he wraps his arms around you.

“In my defense, we usually make dinner together.”

“That’s a shitty defense. I’m appalled, District Attorney Barber.”

“I can’t really make a good case when you look this good,” he mumbles against your neck before kissing it. “What was in the pot earlier?”

“Food.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because dinner is almost ready!”

“Did you make this salad yourself? A homemade chicken ceasar salad?”

“Andrew Steven Barber, go away!”

“How much longer do I have to wait?”

“Keep it up and I’ll send you to bed without supper.”

“You’re mean on Christmas,” he mutters and you laugh. “Jacob’s been calling and texting you.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t go through your phone.”

“I don’t care. You know my passcode, just check it and tell me.”

“So, I have permission to leave and come back into the kitchen?”

“I’m going to fight you,” you giggle.

“I just wanna make sure I’m not breaking any rules. I don’t wanna get banished from our home.”

“You are such a pain in the ass,” you chuckle as he leaves the room.

It’s quiet for only a few moments before you hear, “well, it seems like he had an eventful dinner.”

“Uh oh.”

“By the time they arrived, Laurie was drunk and Sarah had to help her finish dinner.”

“Fuck.”

“Do you want me to read the rest?”

“Might as well.”

“She cried over me moving on and away and said that if I give her another chance, she’ll be better.”

“Jesus, she didn’t say this in front of Sarah, did she?”

“He doesn’t say.”

“Fuck.”

“What do you want me to say?”

You’re thoughtful before you speak. “Just say, in the middle of making myself dinner, but that sounds like a fucking shit show. My phone was in the other and that’s why I missed your call. I promise to talk to you before you go on vacation, but for the time being, just enjoy the rest of your night with Sarah. I love you.”

“How do you know how to handle him so well?”

“Years of practice, Barber. Now, out of the kitchen.”

“So damn bossy,” he sighs before kissing your cheek. “How much longer?”

“Soon! Now out!” you giggle.

It’s not that you don’t want to talk to Jacob, but for right now, you just want to focus on you and Andy. Thankfully, a few moments later, you hear Andy answer his phone with ‘hey bud’, and you know it’s Jacob.

You’re more than happy for the welcomed distraction as you finish up dinner and start to put everything together on plates.

‘It’s dinner time,’ you mouth to Andy as he paces back and forth while talking on the phone.

“Bud, we’ll talk about all of it when you get back from vacation, okay? I wouldn’t stress too much about it, because your mother is just being...your mother. It’s all gonna be fine, okay? Don’t worry....I love you too, Jake...Merry Christmas to you and Sarah too,” he smiles before hanging up.

“Everything okay?”

“One way or another it will be,” he smiles weakly, “now, show me what’s for dinner.”

“Only if you ask nicely.”

“Please feed me,” he whines and you laugh.

“I guess, come on,” you smile as you make your way back into the kitchen.

“Sweetheart, all of this looks amazing. It smells fantastic!” Andy marvels as he looks over the table.

“I made the sauce that you love for the fettuccine and-”

“Is that lobster in the pasta? Oh no,” he starts laughing, “you had to kill it didn’t you? That’s why you were apologizing?”

“I’m a murderer! I stabbed it in the head!”

“Why didn’t you just put in the pot?” he laughs, wrapping you in a tight hug,

“I was told that it’s more humane to kill it first! I usually get Sarah or Jake to do it, but that obviously wasn’t an option.”

“You could’ve asked me.”

“It was supposed to be a surprise!”

“You really are the sweetest thing,” he chuckles, “I love you.”

“I love you, I hope you enjoy everything.”

“There’s so much food.”

“Leftovers, my friend. Leftovers,” you smirk as you two break apart. “I seasoned the broccoli just the you like, but there’s very little butter because I put a good amount on the lobster.”

“Have you thought about going to cooking school?”

“Don’t suggest anything until you try it,” you laugh as you pour yourself a glass of wine.

Dinner is perfect (according to Andy), and you can’t help but feel a little silly about crying earlier. Yes, your feelings were valid but, for the most part, the day has been everything you’ve ever wanted and more. You’re with the love of your life, you’re both happy, it’s snowing, and you honestly don’t think there’s ever been a time in your life where you’ve felt this content.

This is how it should be.

“It’s finally time to open presents!” Andy yells after he puts away the last of the leftovers, running into the living room.

“You’re giant child,” you laugh, following behind with a bottle of bourbon for him, and you freshly refilled glass of wine.

“I wanna see your face when you open your gifts!”

“You go first, cause you were the one who wanted to open gifts first.”

“How about we both pick a gift?”

“Fine,” you giggle as you sit on the floor next to him.

“Alright, open this one and I’ll open-”

“Why do you get to pick your own gift and I don’t get to pick mine?!”

“Because I bought that gift 7months ago and have been desperate to give it to you since I purchased it.”

“What did you do?”

“Just take it,” he laughs as he passes you the small long box. “I’ll take this one...why is it heavy?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, sipping on your wine.

“We had an agreement-”

“I have a feeling that whatever is in this box breaks our agreement.”

“Y/N.”

“Just open it!”

“Fuck,” he sighs, putting his drink down before tearing off the paper. “No.”

“You needed it!”

“Sweetheart-”

“Andy, your old laptop is shit, and you were never going to get yourself a new one.”

“An Apple?!”

“It’s what you’re used to!”

“It’s too much!”

“Just say ‘thank you’ and give me a kiss.”

“You are something else, ya know that?” he chuckles in disbelief as he leans over and gives you a kiss. “The most selfless person I know.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it. Now you.”

“I’m afraid.”

“If I had to open yours, you have to open mine.”

“We’re the worst,” you mutter and he laughs. “Andy...jewelry definitely breaks our agreement.”

“After the gift I just opened from you, I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Andy-”

“Open it.”

You’re slow to rip of the paper and glance at Andy before opening the box. “Andy...”

“Do you remember the talk we had that night we went for ice cream? The first time we hung out?”

“You didn’t...oh Andy!”

“You said that, after dogs, butterflies make you the happiest. They’re so delicate, but also so strong, and they’re so light but also leave you with a good feeling. A butterfly is something so fleeting, but so everlasting.”

“Andy, this gorgeous, but it’s too much.”

“No it isn’t.”

“A diamond encrusted bracelet of butterflies-”

“Stop, you’re worth it. I know it makes you happy.”

“You didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to. I love you.”

“Andy, this is too much.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.’

“Then its not. Put it on, lets see it.”

You’re hesitant at first, but the second it’s on your wrist, there’s a smile painted on your face.

“Andy...”

“It looks great on you.”

“This had to cost-”

“Don’t worry about the cost. I saw it, thought of you, and decided you needed it. I’m not returning it, so just enjoy it.”

“You’re too good to me.”

“I’m not good enough,” he smirks before kissing you.

How is this real life?

As you suspected, all of Andy’s gifts are much more than you two agreed upon, and you feel foolish for not getting him more lavish gifts.

“You didn’t stick to the agreement at all,” you laugh as you open up your last gift from him; a brand new kitchen knife set.

“Listen, you you said your blades were getting dull and-”

“You didn’t have to put yourself into debt to get me new ones! I was gonna buy some soon, anyway!”

“I didn’t put myself into debt and now you don’t have to spend the money. Besides, the new briefcase that has ‘Attiucs Finch’ engraved in it? I don’t wanna hear it.”

“You’re annoying.”

“So are you,” he laughs before kissing your temple.

“Let me take my stuff upstairs and we’ll watch another movie,” you giggle as you get up and grab your bag.

“I’ll clean up while you do that. Do you liken your gifts?”

“I adore them almost as much as In adore you.”

“I really love making you happy.”

“Same here,” you smile before making your way out of the living room.

You get upstairs and take a deep breath as you get yourself ready for your next and final gift. Yeah, you know Andy thinks you’re beautiful, but you’ve never presented yourself to him like this. He’s usually ripping your clothes off or making you strip, but there’s always clothes on your body. And now? You’re going down there in just velvet red ribbon underwear, hoping he thinks you’re sexy as hell.

“You okay up there?” he calls with a small laugh as you put your Santa hat on.

“Yeah, I’m just getting your last gift together,” you respond, making your way down the steps.

“Funny you should say that, because I have...fuck,” he sighs as he looks you over.

“You’ve been a really good boy this year, daddy.”

“Sweetheart...holy shit.”

“I think you should be rewarded, don’t you?” you innocently ask as you straddle him.

“Baby-”

“Because I really think you should,” you moan, grinding your hips against his.

“Santa’s little whore, huh?” he grunts, gripping your hips and starting to move with you.

“I’m whatever you want me to be,” you promise with breathy sigh as he moans. “You like it, daddy? Your cock...it’s so hard! It feels like you do!”

“Jesus, sweet girl!”

“Wanna feel you,” you whimper, raising yourself just a little as you pull his sweatpants down just enough that you see him, stroking him a bit before lightly tracing the tip of his cock with your fingers. You smirk, getting just a bit of pre-cum on your fingers, bringing them to your lips as licking them softly.

“Sweet girl,” he growls with a warning tone.

“Just wanted a taste, daddy...oh fuck!” you mewl as you lower yourself down on his cock. “You fucking fill me so good, daddy!”

“Look at you,” he moans as you start to ride, “you look so beautiful when you take daddy’s fat cock!”

“Shit!”

“Daddy’s gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, but you gotta cum for me first.”

“F...fuck, you promise?”

“You’ve been such a good little girl today, it’s only fair that I-”

“Andy!” Laurie yells as she bangs on the door.

Andy’s quickly turns his head, but you force his attention back on you, “focus, daddy,” you coo softly as you pick up your pace.

“Andy!” Laurie calls again, a little louder and longer this time.

“Just focus, you wanna make me cum, don’t you daddy?”

“Fuck,” he groans as you take his hand and place it around your throat.

“You know what I need, daddy,” you whimper, “be a good boy and make me cum, please!”

“Sweet girl,” he grunts as his grip on your neck tightens.

“Andy, please!” Laurie begs pathetically.

“That’s it, daddy! Ri...right there! Oh God!” you mewl as squirt all over his cock.

“Fuck!” he broods as he fills you with his desire.

You both just sit there for a moment, breathing heavy and embracing each other, as Laurie continues banging on the door.

“Hands and knees. On the floor,” he demands hotly, looking up at you with lust filled eyes.

You don’t hesitate at all as Laurie’s banging finally settles down a little.

“Just can’t stop yourself from making a mess, can you?” Andy taunts as he thrusts himself inside you.

“Daddy!”

“And we just got that sofa, sweet girl.”

“ ‘m so sorry, daddy! Just felt so good! Fuck!”

“ ‘ts okay, baby. You look so fucking pretty under these fucking Christmas lights,” he huffs, slapping your ass hard, “cause you’re daddy’s gift, right?”

“Y...yes!” you sob, feeling your orgasm building up again.

“Andy, please just talk to me!” Laurie begs from the other side of the door.

“Feels too good, daddy! I need to-”

“Tsk tsk tsk, you know you only cum when daddy says so,” he chides, gripping your hair tight.

“Oh my God!”

“Jesus, I always forget how pathetic you get when you’re desperate to cum,” he chuckles darkly before dipping down and biting your neck.

“Daddy please!”

“I want her to hear you,” he husks against the shell of your ear as he starts to massage your clit.

“Fuck!”

                                                                                                                   “Makeher hear how much you love me.”

“Daddy!”

“Make her hear how much we love each other, because I love you so fucking much, sweet girl.”

“OH FUCK!” you cry out, squirting hard all over his cock, and you’re more than certain you’ve made a mess on the carpet.

“Such a good little whore,” he praises before pulling out and flipping you on your back.

“Daddy!”

“I know, sweet girl, I know,” he coos, gripping your hips and adjusting you a little before thrusting himself inside you again. “Daddy’s gonna take such good care of you.”

“You...you always, fuck! You always do,” you sob, pulling at the ends of his sweater. “Wanna see all of you, please!”

“Anything for you, sweet girl.”

If Laurie is still out there you can’t hear her.

Andy quickly discards his sweater before dipping down and pressing soft kisses to your collar bone.

“Oh God, please don’t stop, daddy!”

“You’re so fucking perfect, baby! Everything about you...”

“Fuck!”

“C’mere,” he broods before pulling you upright with him. “So fucking gorgeous.”

You look down at him as your hair falls in front of your face, taking in every bit of his hard, beautiful body. You’re sure that you’ll never see a more gorgeous man in your life, and you’re also sure that no one will ever make you feel as good.

His hand travels down between your bodies, and his fingers find your most sensitive spot and you know that everything happening tonight is real. He chooses you, he loves you, and he wants you.

He needs you.

“Too full, daddy! Too...oh God!”

“You can take a little bit more, babygirl,” he husks as he starts rubbing your clit faster.

“Daddy...please! I need it!”

“Gonna make you so fucking happy, sweet girl! Never gonna...fuck, never gonna be brokenhearted again!”

“Fuck! I’m gonna...fuck!” you mewl while clawing at his back.

“Jesus, sweet girl! Let go! Let go right now!”

You scream Andy’s name as your orgasm washes over you, clenching around him tighter when you feel his release filling you up.

Neither of you say anything. You just hold on to him tightly, trying to come down from your euphoria as well as trying to stay awake.

“You okay, babe?” he asks after a moment.

“Mhm.”

“Was I too rough?”

“No daddy.”

His phone buzzes and you whine in protest. “Just rest, sweetheart.”

“You said...you said you have another gift for me,” you breathe as his phone buzzes again. “You may as well answer her.”

“She can wait.”

“Clearly not.”

“Hey, come back to me,” he coos softly. “Don’t get upset over her. Not now, not tonight.”

“She’s just never gonna go away. She’ll always be around.”

“But that has nothing to do with us.”

“Andy-”

“Y/N, I love you. Whatever bullshit Laurie is dealing with is just that: her bullshit. It’s just you and me now.”

“You feel that way now-”

“I’ll always feel that way.”

You sigh and rest your forehead against his, “today was perfect. I love you, thank you.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“What’s my other gift?”

“Oh,” he chuckles, “that. You’re gonna freak out, but don’t.”

“Andy, what did you do?”

“Well, you said you wanted us to go away together.”

“And?”

“You said wanted us to have our own ‘Roman Holiday’.”

“You didn’t!”

“Before you start yelling, it isn’t as expensive as you think it is and-”

“Andy! I said I would save up money!”

“You wanted it, so I wanted you to have it,” he says simply with a shrug.

You cup his face in your hands and kiss him like you’re afraid he’s about to leave you. His hold on you tightens, he deepens the kiss, and you feel him coming back to life.

“Andy,” you moan, grinding yourself against him as his phone buzzes again. “For fucks sake!”

“I’ll answer her and then I swear I’ll take care of you,” he groans, pulling out of you as you settle yourself underneath the Christmas tree.

Andy’s quickly gets his phone, and you undress yourself, deciding that clothes are no longer necessary for the rest of the night.

“What the fuck?” he mumbles as he starts making his way to the front door.

“What’s wrong?”

“More like, what’s right,” he counters as he opens the door. “There’s no fucking way...”

“Andy, what’s going on?”

“Holy shit!” he exclaims, grabbing something out of the mailbox before closing the door, turning to face you. “She signed the papers.”

“Are you serious? What did she say in the texts? Are you fucking serious?”

“A few choice words about you-”

“I can handle it.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Just read it, Andy.”

He sighs before unlocking his phone. “You and that little whore are disgusting, I hope you know that. Also, the whole block can probably hear you two, so that’s a nice gift for everyone on Christmas. I hope whoever the fuck she is that she’s worth all the hell you’re wreaking on our family. I just want you to know that when she walks away, I’ll be ready to take you back. I love you. Merry Christmas.”

“How did she even find our home?”

“Probably Jacob, cause she still doesn’t know that I’m with you.”

“I feel like there’s a catch. Laurie being selfless? It doesn’t add up.”

“Her signature is everywhere it needs to be, sweetheart. It’s finally fucking official,” he smiles at you.

Without giving it another thought, you’re on your feet, running over to him and jumping on him as soon as your arms are around him.

“This is real?”

“As real as it gets, sweetheart.”

“You still want me?”

“Ya know, I think I’ll use the next few hours to show you just how much I still want you. How much I’ll always want you,” he smirks before starting to run up the stairs as you start laughing.

In the back of your mind, you know this isn’t as simple as Laurie is making it seem, but for right now, you don’t care. You belong to Andy completely and he finally belongs to only you. Yes, he’s been telling you how you’re the only one for him, but this is different. It’s so much more. Yeah, you’re one step closer to pure and utter chaos, but you’re also one step closer an actual real relationship that’s truly worth all of the energy and stress you’ve put into it.

Merry Christmas indeed.

**

“I don’t wanna go back to my loft tomorrow,” you sigh as you rest your head on Andy’s chest, intertwining your fingers with his.

“Then just move in. This your home.”

“I know, but we haven’t told Jacob yet and...it’s gonna be hard, but we need to do it. We need to have that talk with him before we officially do anything.”

“He comes back tomorrow, so lets-”

“I’ve been thinking about that too,” you practically mumble as you make little circles on his chest with your pointer finger.

“Y/N.”

“Just hear me out. I’m not backing out of anything, or asking for more time. I just don’t want our vacation to be filled with me crying because Jacob hates me.”

“He won’t-”

“Don’t, Andy. Just don’t. He’s going to be furious with the both of us. I don’t want out first trip away together to be clouded by that.”

“Sweetheart, the trip isn’t until May.”

“I know, I know. So, if you still want to tell him when he gets back tomorrow, I’m fine with that.”

“No, you have a point,” he sighs. “He is gonna be furious and you’re gonna be beside yourself, and that’s something I don’t want. Especially during our very first trip together. I just don’t like keeping it from him.”

“Trust me, I feel the same, but the timing wasn’t right. It didn’t help that it took Laurie for-fucking-ever to sign the damn papers,”

“At least she signed them though, and that’s something to smile about,” he reassures you with a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, you have a point. What did she agree to in the end?”

“She keeps the house, her car, we split our Savings and I keep whatever is in mine, she gets the furniture, and she gets to keep the timeshare we got in California.”

“You have a timeshare?”

“Had a timeshare,” he laughs, but he can sense your uneasiness. “Uh oh, what’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Talk to me.”

“There’s just so much...I don’t want you to feel like you have get me things because you have more than me.”

“Y/N-”

“And it’s not like I think you’re rich or anything, it’s just very obvious that you have more money than me and-”

“Hey, stop,” he chuckles softly. “I don’t buy you things because I think of you as some charity case. I do it because I love you and I love making you happy.”

“I’m just not used to being loved, Andy. I’m not used to being the girl that someone picks.”

“Well, take as much time as you need to get used to it,” he reassures you before kissing the top of your head.

“You really wanna face the world with me when all of this comes out?”

“I wanna face the world with you no matter what.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, Y/N. I love you more than you’ll ever know,” he whispers before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

As you both lay in bed, looking up at the moon, you wonder just how well you both will handle the hell that’s about to come your way. You believe in the love that Andy has for you, and you know it’s stronger than anything you’ve ever felt, but the fear is still there, because who the hell ever chooses you? You’re terrified of pushing him away, but you don’t have a fucking clue in hell how to keep him close when it all becomes too much.

God, you really hope you don’t fuck this up.

Jacob’s P.O.V.

“What do you mean you’re going away?” I ask as you continue to pack.

“I just need to get out of here. I feel like I’m gonna lose my fucking my mind,” you huff, slamming a drawer shut.

It’s not like I haven’t noticed the changes in you since Sarah and I got back from vacation, but this just seems drastic.

Then again, your moods have been too.

You’re either extremely happy or severely distant. You either wanna be left alone or are desperate to hangout. You’re not you and for as much as I wanna ask you about it, Sarah keeps telling me that you’ll talk about it when you’re ready, and I know she’s right, but lately it feels like you’re a million miles away and I can’t reel you back in, no matter how hard I try. I hate that.

I hate feeling like it’s no longer me and you against the world.

“It’s just for a few weeks,” you mutter, throwing more close into your suitcase.

“It’s just my dad and now you-”

“What’s going on with your dad?”

“He told me that he got tickets for a vacation last week. Between work and all the shit with my mom, he just needs a break.”

“That makes sense.”

“Y/N, can you please just take a break and tell me what’s going on?”

“We’ll talk when I get back.”

“Y/N-”

“Jacob, its been a hell of a few months...a hell of a few years. I just need to finally do something for me.”

What aren’t you telling me?

“Y/N, what’s going on with you? I know you say that nothing’s changed between us, but it feels like it has. I don’t feel close to you anymore.”

“Jake-”

“You can’t tell me that you haven’t noticed a change in our friendship.”

“Of course there is! Both of our lives are changing! You’re planning a wedding!”

“And what about your life? What’s going on? Please talk to me!”

You’re hesitant before you answer me, “I might be moving when I get back. I don’t know, nothing’s been decided yet.”

“Moving? Where? Why?”

“It’s just time for a change. I feel like I need to uproot and start over. I’m not gonna be far, I’m just-”

“Are you moving in with someone?”

You’re hesitant again. “Why does it matter?”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Jake, whether I am or I’m not doesn’t concern you.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Jake-”

“Is it my dad?”

“What the...why would you say that?”

“My mom’s been saying-”

“Don’t finish that statement,” you warn before walking over to your dresser and grabbing more clothes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We’ll talk about of it when I get back.”

“Why not now?”

“Because I don’t wanna fucking talk about it right now!” you snap, throwing your things down.

I’ve clearly hit some nerve, because you’ve never acted this way with me before.

“Y/N-”

“I just can’t do this right now. That’s all there is to it. There’s a lot going on that I don’t know how to deal with and I don’t know how to put them into words, so I just don’t feel like doing it now.”

“There was a time when you were okay with telling me everything, and now-”

“How are things with Sarah?’ you counter.

“What do you mean-we’re fine?”

“Then why aren’t off planning a wedding with her?”

“One, everything is on hold till you get back; not my decision, hers. Two, my best friend is icing me out-”

“I’m not icing you out, Jacob!”

“Listen, if you’re just over this friendship, just have the fucking decency to say it, because-”

“Jacob, just stop! Please...stop,” you sob.

Great, now I feel like an asshole.

“Y/N-”

“When I get back, okay? We’ll talk about everything when I get back, okay?”

“You could always talk to me before-”

“And I know I can now,” you interrupt with a heavy sigh, “I’m just tired of talking and planning right now. I need a break and then I’ll be back to myself.”

I can’t fault you for that. You’ve spent your whole life arguing and planning, it only make sense that you’re fed up.

But still.

“When you get back?”

“I promise, Jake.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Jacob. Just go home and rest, okay?”

Something is off, but there’s no use in pushing. Not when you’re like this.

All I can do is give you a kiss on the cheek before making my way out of your place. I guess I made it our home, which was fucked up on my part.

It’s not like I lied to my dad when I said that my feelings for you aren’t stronger than the love I have for Sarah, it’s just that you’ve always made me feel normal. Being my friend has never been easy, but you’ve never left my side. You’ve always defended me, gotten into actual fights, and have always believed me. Believed in me. Sarah and I separated at one point, and it’s not like I can blame her, but you...you’ve always been there. From the day that we met, you’ve never let my side.

I know that you’ll eventually meet someone and they’ll become the love of your life, and they’ll more than likely be older, but the way that my mother is going on about it being my father...you wouldn’t do that, would you?

I’m your best friend.

However, you didn’t deny it and that has me on edge. You probably haven’t noticed, but I see the way he looks at you, and I know you think he’s insanely attractive (like every other woman in this dumb little town). I can handle you being with someone else, but my dad?

What does he have that I don’t?

“Is everything okay?” Sarah asks as I make my way into our home; bridal magazines everywhere.

“She says so.”

“Baby, I’m sure whatever is going on, she’ll tell you when she gets back.”

“Her and my dad leaving on the same day? Even you have to notice that it’s a bit strange.”

“Babe-”

“Plus, every time I ask him about his girlfriend, he changes the subject, which is fucking weird since they’ve been dating for months.”

“Well, what did she say when you asked her?”

“She didn’t confirm it.”

“There ya go.”

“She also didn’t deny it.”

“If there’s anything to tell you, she will.”

“Why are you so calm about this?”

“Because I don’t care,” she scoffs with a shrug.

“Well, why not?!”

“Honey, they’re both adults. If they want to date, just let them, it’s really not a big deal.”

“So, you don’t care that Y/N might be the reason that my dad left my mom?”

“No, because you and I both know that the problems in your parents’ marriage didn’t start with y/n. I think that there’s a bigger issue here.”

“Not that shit again!”

“Jacob, just tell me-”

“I just want you, babe. I only want you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sarah, you’ve been the one ever since I met you, and that’s not changing any time soon,” I promise with a smile.

It’s not like it’s a lie. Sarah is the only person I want to be with...I just need you to be with anyone but my dad. That’s not asking too much...is it?

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“We have to go to the Mouth of Truth before leave!” you whine as Andy picks you up and carries you into the villa you’ve both been staying at for a week and a half.

“We’re gonna go, I promise,” he laughs, “we’ve got two more days.”

“No, lets just stay here. Here is so much better.”

“I wish we could, sweetheart,” he sighs as his phone goes off. “For fucks sake.”

“Just ignore it.”

“You know I can’t,” he mutters as he sets you down before taking out his phone and answering it. “Hey bud, what’s up?”

For the most part, the vacation has been amazing. The villa Andy got you both is beautiful, you’ve been to almost every place you’ve seen in ‘Roman Holiday’ along with a few places that Andy’s always wanted to visit, the dinners you two have made for each other have perfect, and the sex has been remarkable.

That doesn’t mean it’s been smooth sailing.

Every day, Jacob calls you and Andy, looking for cracks in either of your stories, Laurie texts him non-stop, and Sarah has told you multiple times that she’s getting tired of Jacob’s obsession over the whole.

If things are this bad, you can’t even begin to imagine how much worse they’ll be when you two get home and tell everyone. However, you’re not home yet, and you’re determined to make the best of the last few days you two have left. You quickly slip into the blue lace lingerie you were saving for the last day of the trip, your skinny black heels, and let your hair done. You do a quick look over in the mirror before making your way downstairs.

“I’m sure she’ just taking a break from...,” Andy trails off once his eyes land on you, jaw dropping just a little.

Mission accomplished.

“I’m sorry, I got distracted,” he almost stutters as he clears his throat, “I’m sure she’s just taking a break...she is on vacation, Jake.”

“Hang up,” you mouth as you straddle him, starting to undo the button on his jeans.

“You said she seemed pretty stressed and frustrated when she was packing, so I would imagine....she has a lot going on. I’m sure she’ll tell you everything when she gets back...I’ve been working non-stop for 4 years, Jake. I just-” he gasps as you slide yourself down on him, “I-I needed a break. Your mother and I talked about gong away a lot, but....but we never did it.”

“Hang up,” you mouth again as you start to pick your pace, hitting that spot deep within that makes you come alive for him.

“Listen, when...when I get back home, you and I will have a lunch or dinner, and we’ll talk about everything...y-yes...yes, we can go to the diner,” he breathes as he grips your throat tight, “I’ll talk to you later and I’ll be home soon.”

“Daddy please,” you mouth, gripping his shoulders as your climax starts to build. “Need you so much.”

Andy’s eyes go wide as he watches you, memorized by the way you move your hips as you take your bra off, your mouth agape as you try to hold on.

“I gotta...I gotta go, okay? Yes Jacob, we’ll talk soon...I really gotta go...I love you too,” he grunts before finally fucking hanging up.

“Daddy!” you cry out come undone, leaning your forehead against his.

“Now, who told you to be a whore and pull that little stunt, huh?”

“I want all of your attention, daddy. This is our trip, isn’t it?”

“You don’t feel important?” he taunts as he wraps his arms around before getting up, “you don’t think you’re my main focus?”

“No,” you moan, wrapping your legs around him as the feel of him deeper inside of you starts driving you insane as he heads for up the stairs.

“I thought I was doing a good idea of that night after night.”

“Shit,” you moan, grinding yourself against him.

“And every morning when I wake you up by eating this perfect little pussy.”

“I just need...need you! Didn’t feel important,” you whine.

“Let daddy fix that,” he smirks, laying you down on the bed before fucking into you relentlessly. “Let daddy make you feel better!”

“Fuck!”

“My sweet, sweet girl.”

“Oh my God!”

“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby. God, I never get tired at looking you...at this perfect little body.”

“Fuck, I’m so...so close!”

“Yeah? You gonna be a good girl and cream on daddy’s cock?”

All you can do is nod.

“Use your words,” he growls, slapping your clit.

“Fuck! Yes...YES!” you cry out, gripping the sheets as your body trembles.

“Such a good girl,” he praises as he pulls out, “I want you to tell me how good you taste,” he coos as he slides two fingers inside of you.

“Fuck, daddy!”

“Tell me, baby,” he encourages as he smears your lips with your cum. “Daddy really wants to know.”

“So good,” you moan as you lick your lips.

“Yeah? I think I’ll find out for myself,” he smirks before getting on his knees.

“Fuck, you make...make me feel...shit!” you cry out, gripping his hair as uses three of his fingers fuck you, while he sucks and licks your clit. “So fucking good to me,” you moan.

You prop up yourself using one of your elbows and look down, meeting Andy’s intense gaze on you.

“I...I love you so much, Andy,” you brood, feeling that knot in your core tighten. “I only...only need...you!” you cry out, coating his fingers (and you’re sure his face) with your release.

Andy takes his time cleaning you up, keeping his eyes on you, before slowly peppering you body with the most soft and delicate kisses hes ever given you, as he makes his way up your body.

“Never been this in love with anyone,” he groans he pushes himself inside of you. “Never knew I could be this in love.”

“Andy!”

“You are everything to me. I’m gonna love you until...until my dying breath,” his promises as his movements start to become erratic.

Between your juices still glistening on his beard, his words, and the fact that he keeps hitting that spot inside of you that makes your whole body ignite, you feel yourself ready to come apart for the final part.

“Can’t...need to let go!”

“Do it, sweet girl! Give me everything!”

“Andy!” you sob, squirting all over his cock as you dig your nails into his back.

“Fuck!”

You both just stay there for a moment, living in the moment, and trying to commit to memory how perfect this moment is.

“I’m just tired of hiding, baby,” you breathe after a moment.

“I know sweetheart, I can’t wait to tell Jacob about us.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Sweetheart, it’s not going to be ideal, and I know we’ll have hell to pay, but I just want to be with you. That’s all I care about at this point. Hell or high water, we’ll finally be together for real. I’m in love with you and I want to finally express that the right way. Not just in private.”

“He’s gonna be so hurt, Andy.”

“I know, sweetheart, but he’ll get over it.”

“Can we just ignore our phones for the next few days? The trip is almost over and I don’t wanna deal with anything that’ll make us unhappy until we get back.”

“Sounds good to me, sweet girl. Come here,” he coaxes softly.

You move closer to him and lay your head on his chest, sighing in content as he wraps his arms around you.

There will never be a better feeling than being in Andy’s arms.

“Lets just do it when we get back. We can do dinner at our house and we’ll just...we’ll deal with it,” Andy suggests with a heavy sigh. “Our flight lands at 3:30...it’s time to get it over with. Tell Jacob then tell Laurie.”

“Oh God, Laurie.”

“Yeah, that’ll more than likely go worse than everything with Jacob.”

“What the fuck did we get ourselves into?” you laugh humorlessly.

“Love. We got ourselves into love.”

“You’re damn right we did,” you smile up at him.

For the rest of the trip, you and Andy ignore your phones and just focus on each other. You go site seeing, dancing, make love, watch ‘Roman Holiday’, make dinners, go out to the best restaurants, and just live in the moment. There’s no sense in pretending that going home won’t be chaotic, so you both decide that it’s best to just live in the moment until it’s time to go back.

Until it’s time to deal with the consequences of your actions.

“Andy, are you sure-”

“Honey, I know all of this is scary, but I’m not changing my mind. It’s gonna be rough, it’s gonna suck, but we’ll get through it,” he interrupts as you both lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling.

“I just want you to be sure that you want this. Want us. Want me.”

“I’m never gonna change my mind, sweetheart. I’m all in forever. Are you?”

“You’re the only one for me. Always have been and you always will be.”

“Just don’t forget that we have each other, okay? No matter how chaotic it may seem, you have me and I have you.”

“You don’t forget either.”

“It’s you and me,” he smiles down at you. “It’s me and you until the end.”

As you both lay in bed, trying to calm your nerves about heading back tomorrow, you know that you both have the same question on your mind: how the fuck do we approach this?

“Lets do dinner at the loft,” you suggest, catching yourself as you’re about to fall asleep.

“Hm?”

“I think it’ll soften the blow. Us telling him that we’re together and that we’re living together? It’s gonna be too much at once.”

“But you’re moving in-”

“No, I know, but lets just take it one thing at a time. If we tell him we went on vacation together, have been dating for a while, and live together, he’s gonna lose his shit.”

“You’re making a more than good point and that’s annoying.”

“Trust me, I don’t like it either. He knows that I’m moving and I’m sure that he’ll put two and two together once we tell him, but I think the visualization will be too much for him.”

“Alright, we’ll tell him at the loft and you’ll finally move home the next day?”

“I promise.”

“Then we better get some sleep. We have an early flight.”

“Sounds good...I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

As you both settle into bed, anxiety at an all time high, you hope and pray that telling Jacob won’t be as bad as you think it will be.

Yeah, he’ll be hurt and annoyed, but he’ll hopefully get over it quick...right?

You drift off to sleep with that thought leading and you can only pray to God that you’re right.

Please, just this once, let things not be painful.

**

“What time are they coming over?” Andy yawns as gets out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, sitting next to you on the sofa.

“One, get dressed,” you laugh, “two, you need a damn nap.”

“I’m fine.”

“You know I can see you, right? That’s bullshit, you need rest.”

“It’ll just fuck up me adjusting to the time change. Lets watch something that’ll keep me awake.”

“Or, you can take a nap and store up your energy.”

“There is never going to be enough sleep in the world for me to tell my son that I’m in love with his best friend.”

“That’s fair.”

“What are you watching?”

“ ‘Chicago’”

“Of course you are,” he laughs as he wraps an arm around you. “What time will they be here?”

“In two hours.”

“Shit, okay.”

“Just take a deep breath, baby. At least we’ll tell him and have it out of the way. Like you said last week, he won’t be angry with you forever.”

“He won’t be angry with you forever, either.”

“I’m not worried about me. I can handle him hating me, I just want you two to be okay.”

“Sweetheart-”

“I mean it, Andy. Your relationship with him is more important than mine.”

Andy says nothing. He just cups your face and kisses you passionately, and you let yourself get lost in it.

Lost in him.

It’s not like you two mean to get carried away, but it’s so hard for you two to contain yourselves. Soon enough, the kiss leads to you two making out, making out leads to you straddling him and grinding yourself against him, which leads to you on your knees and blowing him, which is why your clothes and the towel he was wearing are now on the floor and he’s fucking you senseless.

“Oh my God!’ you whimper as Andy picks up his pace as he sits up.

“You take my fucking cock so well, sweet girl!”

“Daddy!”

“No one has ever been take me as well as you do, not even her,” he grunts and smirks when you clench around him.

You’ll never admit it outloud but you love it when he tells you how much better you are at pleasing than Laurie ever was. Yes, it’s mean petty, and a bit sick, but fuck all if it doesn’t make you feel all that much more special and important to him.

“You got so fucking wet just from sucking daddy’s cock! Should’ve tasted this perfect little pussy before I started fucking it!”

“Oh my...fuck!’

“Got your fucking cream all over my fucking cock! God, wish you could see...shit, you I could stay in this fucking cunt all day!”

“Daddy!’

“I should film me fucking you, just so you can see just how well this greedy little cunt takes my cock!”

“Please!” you mindlessly beg, with one hand clawing at the bed and the other clawing at his chest.

“Of course my good little whore wants to me film me filling up this pretty little pussy,” he smirks devilishly before slapping your clit.

“Jesus...fuck!”

“I’ll fill this pussy then, while I fuck your ass, you can watch how wrecked you looked while I fucked this sweet little cunt. You want that, sweet girl?”

You’re too blissed out to answer. Andy spits on your on your already soaked and sticky cunt, before starting to massage your clit.

“Can’t...can’t...daddy please!”

“You don’t cum until you answer me,” he husks. “Do you want to record us? Do you wanna watch how well you take daddy’s fat cock while I fuck your perfect little ass?”

“Yes! Yes, I wanna see how well...how I take your cock, daddy! How good I am at pleasing you!”

“Fuck, and the way your perfect tits bounce with every thrust! You’re so fucking perfect, sweet girl! Ya know, daddy thinks he’ll record you soaking the bed,” he chuckles before grabbing his phone off your nightstand.

You two always take it too far.

“Look at the camera, baby. Fuck, those tears! Feel too good sweet girl?” “Yes daddy! I need to...I need to let go!”

“Such a good little whore, keep your eyes on the camera as you cum, sweet-”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Jacob exclaims as he bursts through the door.

And busted.

“Jacob, get out!” Andy yells, instantly covering you as you cum hard and squirt all over Andy’s cock and the bed.

This is definitely in the top three moments you never want relieve or remember in your life.

“You fucking said-”

“Go wait in the kitchen! Get out!” Andy yells as you bury your face in the crook of his neck in an attempt to hide.

Jacob huffs before slamming your bedroom door shut. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go at all.

“Looks like someone found his key to my place,” you mutter as you fight off your tears.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“Why? Why the fuck did we have to get carried away now?!”

“I’ll go out there and-”

“No, we’ll go together. I just...I need a moment.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, sweetheart.”

“This isn’t on you. You didn’t force me into anything; I wanted you. I always want you. I knew they were coming and I still...fuck!”

“We can do this another-”

“No, he’s already seen...we may as well just deal with this now.”

“Are you sure, sweetheart?”

“I’m all in,” you smile up at him weakly.

Andy cleans you up and the both take your time getting dressed, not sure how the hell you’re going to approach the current situation at hand. You pull on the AC/DC sweatshirt Andy got you and the Boston College sweatpants Jacob got you, while Andy opts to only wear a pair of black sweatpants.

If the situation weren’t what it is, you would drag him back to bed, but there’s obviously no time for that.

“Does anyone want a drink?” you ask as you two finally make your way out of your room.

“I’ll take one,” Sarah mumbles as she leans against the kitchen island.

“We need to talk about-”

“We’re definitely gonna talk about it. Do you want a drink?” you interrupt Jacob as you pull two glasses out of the cabinet.

“You’re acting like-”

“I’m not acting like anything, Jacob. You and I are about to have a talk about how I’ve been dating your father and in love with him for a while. I’m gonna have a fucking drink. How about you? Do you want something that’ll help the sting or do you wanna have this talk completely sober?” you ask, finally turning your attention to him.

He’s thoughtful before he speaks, “yeah, I guess I’ll take that drink.”

“You?” you ask as you turn to Andy.

“Yeah, I think I will, sweetheart.”

You pour the four of you a tall glass of bourbon, before handing them all out and standing at Andy’s side.

“So...lets have it out. Lets talk about...your father and your best friend,” you mutter before taking a sip of your drink. “Lets talk about your father and your best friend being in love.”

~~

taglist:  @maroonsunrise83​, @emerald-evans​, @fuckingbye​,  @whxre4cevans​, @autumnrose40​, @greeneyedblondie44​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​, @sapphire-rogers​, @jamneuromain​

#andy barber #Andy Barber smut #andy barber fic #andy barber x reader #andy barber x y/n #Defending Jacob #defending jacob fanfiction #defending jacob smut #defending jacob fanfic #defending jacob one shot #Defending Jacob AU #chris evans characters #chris evans character fanfiction #chris evans character x reader #fan fic smut #Smut #fanfic smut #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber x you #andy barber x female reader

[povbeth]

six roses | percabeth (0)

series masterlist

chapter summary: it's been two years since percy left town (read: annabeth), and neither of them can stop thinking about each other.

wc: 2.8K

warnings: it's just a lot of emotional constipation and regret and sadness and- [car crashes into me]

a/n: hellooooo :p honestly don't know what i'm doing bc nobody posts percabeth fanfic on tumblr but guess what? i do! i've been wanting to do a series like this for a while so i'm glad i'm finally getting started on it. lmk what you think here!

also posted on ao3

prologue: thinking about you.

Grover has been watching Annabeth lose herself for the last few hours. 

Had she known, Annabeth would argue that Grover does this every morning. But today doesn’t follow their normal routine. The two canceled their shift at work for the next morning and took an early leave to prepare. Instead of locking her bedroom door and rotting in bed, Annabeth hobbled over to her best friend's house for a night with no sleep and a bag full of candy, ready to binge watch Disney classics till the sun peeks through the windows. 

It’s an annual event, one that follows a 10 year tradition; One the same day every year, Annabeth and Grover have a sleepover, in which they total approximately two hours of sleep and six hours of movies. 

It’s supposed to be fun, and Annabeth does find it fun. But for the last two years, it’s been different. Tainted. Scarred. And Grover knows this, but will never say it out loud. 

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

He’ll make her say instead. 

She’s not surprised at the question. Really, it was inevitable. Grover knows what joy looks like, and he knows what a lack of it looks like on Annabeth. She could feel his eyes observing her as she stared at Lilo and Stitch without a single tear rolling down her cheek. He can always count on her to sing along with Gaston, but not a peep left her lips. He knows how emotional the Little Mermaid gets you, but he couldn’t hear a sniffle from her. 

She doesn’t bother turning her head to face him. She won’t let him see the silent tear trails on her face. “You already know.”

Does he ever wonder?

Does he ever wonder like I do?

About the memories he’s left behind on a whim, in the hopes for a dream that was miles away. Away from the town he’s been in since he could babble a few incoherent words, towards a city filled with unfamiliar faces Away from the town he can only remember by your name. 

About the memories that haunt her at night, but they swear they’re here to keep her at ease. They should be comforting, but they’re holding her tight enough to be suffocating. 

Maybe they’ll let her sleep tonight if she cries a bit. Just a teeny bit. 

Before she knows it, her eyes are teary. Grover feels her shift on the makeshift bed the two made on the ground. “You good?”

Nights spent on the phone talking about forever, an eternity that would only last a little over a year. Had the word stayed true to its meaning, she wouldn’t have hated it. Spending forever with him. She’d sigh and tell him this in hushed whispers as she’d lay in bed with her phone beside her pillow, and he’d giggle a bit. If she wasn’t too caught up with the idea of eternity with him, she would’ve realized that he’d never reply with confirmation. That he thinks about it too, that her idea of forever exists in the realm of possibility. 

Did he ever toy with forever like I had?

She doesn’t respond to the silent boy next to her, who waits for some kind of response. There’s a pile of memories clogged in her blue veins, and they choose tonight to flow properly. 

And so she does what she knows best. 

Lie. 

“I’m good.”

Her memories unravel themselves quickly. They’re only a few years old, but they’ve learned fast.  Really, they’re not evil in nature – sneaking out at one in the morning to see him at a park near her house, writing exclamations of love into his skin during class, holding his hand as he walks her home – but they’re sharp. Short strands, but they have an edge to them. They know where to poke her, where to prod, where to stab. Like shards of glass, meeting her chest with good aim. 

(But it doesn’t seem like an issue. She’d relive them in her head regardless of the pain.)

It doesn’t take Grover long to realize that she won’t say anything more than that. Instead of pushing for an answer, he lazily turns his body to face her. “I miss him too, y’know.”

And that’s what makes Annabeth break. 

Because it’s not just her – it’s Grover, her cousin, and more importantly, his best friend. The boy he’d known way before you, since the two were in pre-school, squalling nonsense that only made sense to them. Brothers who knew each other better than themselves (though Grover would argue that he never really knew him). 

Grover’s hurt too, and it makes everything hurt more. 

She’s sobbing before she knows it, staining her cheeks and pillow in the process. It’s an unmapped cry that escapes her, one that doesn’t sound like her. She tries to pin it on something – regret, distaste, sorrow – yet it doesn’t land quite right. Must be something ugly, something that can only exist in a person who’s come across Percy Jackson.

“It’s been two years,” she manages through the tears. “And I’m still feeling like this.”

“I know.” Grover comforts her. She’ll never know it, but the tears he holds back are only for her. 

“He doesn't even think about us. And I know he did it for himself, for his career, for his family, but it’s just… I don't know–”

“You feel greedy,” Grover tries to grasp. “for wanting him to stay–”

“No, that’s not it!” she barely recognizes the noise that’s coming out her throat. Is this what her memories have done? Turned her into a foreigner of her own voice? “That's not even what I wanted! I just – I just wanted him to tell me… and to tell you…”

…that he was leaving. Not that he didn’t – he did, just on the day of. 

That’s one memory that she can’t unravel. She doesn’t remember how her day started, or how the conversation came about. All she recalls is the moment he said, “I have to leave.”

The rest is a blur. She remembers looking at him incredulously, as if he was joking. She remembers arguing with him, angry at him for choosing to tell her now, when his ride to the big apple was an hour away. She remembers watching him leave, his shoulders slouched as he walked away from the ruins of their relationship. 

She wonders what remains of her now. In his mind, perhaps he only remembers a lousy town with a girl with perpetual mascara running down her face. Maybe he remembers her name, not her face. Maybe she’s a distant memory that he can’t bother to recall, not when he’s at the peak of his career. 

Years pass, and so do her emotions. Hatred has dissolved in her heart, but she’s sure she can build it back up if she wants to. She’s more understanding, that maybe it was for the best. Sure, she wishes he executed things better. But she gets it – Percy was a boy with dreams. And she, better than most people, should know what it means to reach for them. 

It means to sacrifice the things you love the most – and maybe, it was proof that he did love her, at least back then. If that were the case, she wishes that she wasn’t on the top of the list. 

Maybe nothing of her remains, and that’s what scares her the most. Especially when his everything is engraved in her. 

It’s been exactly two years since the day he left, yet the realization only settles in her bones now – she’s afraid that she’s worth nothing more than dust to the boy who once loved her from the sun and back. 

The truth is, Percy wonders too much.

His ‘friends,’ if that’s what he could call them, told him the night was still young. To be clear, it was an hour past midnight, and Percy just wanted to crash at his hotel room. 

To be even clearer, he didn’t know these guys well. He's seen a few of them in that new movie with vampires, and the others are fellow singers whose songs he’s heard far too many times. They smile on the red carpet, baring their fancy looks for the cameras, and wipe the smiles off their faces as soon as they take a step off it. He thinks it’s fair – he’s done the same today – but it doesn’t excuse them from being absolute assholes to everyone who isn’t an A-list celebrity. 

Of course, Percy doesn’t fit in the category of nobodies for them. He’s topping the charts with every new release and bagging every award he’s been nominated for. To the famous clique, he’s one of them, just haven’t been acquainted yet. 

So when Percy happened to have a table near theirs, they invited themselves over with a bottle of alcohol that he swears was not on the menu. 

Percy knew nobody besides Jason, his first friend in the industry, and his only friend at this event. He'd really been hoping that he and Jason could leave without anyone noticing. Like the incredible actor he was, his friend called Percy’s manager and convinced her that the two of them were actually feeling sick. 

“Never going to a gala again,” Jason groans as they enter the hotel lobby. “That was terrible.”

“Yeah,” Percy mumbles. “I just wanna crash right now.”

Percy has never been a man of many words, Jasons noticed. He’s still the shy boy from the small town, even when he has to smile at the paparazzi that followed him practically everywhere. But today in particular, Percy hasn’t been talking much.

Despite the obvious lack of words from the raven haired boy, Jason says nothing. Even as they head up the elevator, the two stand in silence. It’s comfortable, but it’s different from their usual fall of words. Percy’s eyes are closed, not in concentration, but in an exhaustion that Jason can’t seem to pinpoint. 

Jason doesn’t know anything about the town Percy left behind two years ago. He doesn’t know that today marks two years since he’s left it behind, and wouldn’t understand the weight that it holds, even if Percy were to tell him. 

He’s been wanting to ask if something is wrong for the past few hours, and so he finally does. He's not expecting much, but Percy looks at him as if he’s finally hit his tipping point. 

And that’s how Jason finds himself in Percy’s hotel room, having been dragged into the room by his older friend. He’s concerned, surprised by the sudden emotional act Percy’s put on. 

“It’s just…” he heaves as he sits down on his bed. “It's been a long day.”

An understatement at its finest. He knew what awaited him – beyond the gala, there was his family. Sure, they’ve been on good terms, great even, but the weight of his ticket back home seems to weigh the room down. There’s his friends from back home, whose texts pile up on his phone (which Percy ignores). 

And then there’s Annabeth. Clouding his thoughts before he woke up, appearing in his dreams and haunting him before he could take his first breath of the day. 

It’s a given, he thinks, knowing that he’s made peace with everything else back in town. His parents were always supportive, his friends came to understand. But there’s a distance of time and heart between Annabeth and him, and the fact that it’s tainted his perception of who she is now has him begging God to shrink him into nothing. 

So his day was rough. He can’t recall a moment where he didn’t feel an ache in his chest. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

Percy fiddles with the bottom of his tie, rolling the material between his fingers. “well…”

He does, but the last thing he wants to do is say her name out loud. 

“It's been two years since I left my hometown,” he mumbles. It’s easier to say than I broke up with my girlfriend two years ago and haven’t gotten over it since. 

“I see.” Jason says, though he doesn’t really get it. He grew up in the city, and even though the two boys are practically the same, there’s a difference in experience between them. Where Percy grew up was vastly different from this place, so Jason tries to understand. “You miss it?”

“Mhm. I miss my parents, and…”

And Annabeth.

“There's something bugging you,” Jason notes with a frown on his face. “You can tell me, y’know. I won't judge.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you… it’s just complicated, I guess.”

“Well,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I'm all ears.”

Percy doesn’t know what to say. But since his friend’s standing there, leaning against his dresser and waiting for him to speak, he supposes he has to spit it out at some point. 

“Just… thinking about someone.”

“A girl?”

He goes silent for a second too long and Jason panics. “Oh, is it a guy–”

“No, no. It’s my girlfr– well, ex-girlfriend.”

He nods in sympathy. He’s never been in a relationship, but he can imagine how hard breakups can be. “Yhings were rough, I’m guessing?”

Nothing was rough, actually. Things were as perfect as they could possibly be. 

The two were enemies as kids. He remembers bits and pieces – young Annabeth kicking sand in his face, swearing that she’d never go close enough to catch cooties from him. 7-year-old Percy splashing water in her face (read: soaking her with a water bottle) and running away before she could tell his mom. Swore that they’d never be friends unless it rained cows. 

Except things didn’t go as planned; she ended up dating him through highschool, and he ended up leaving her at the end of it. 

“I guess you could say that. We broke up the day I left town.”

Percy doesn’t tell him that it was because of him, or that it happened right before he was leaving for the train station. He doesn’t mention how he was feeling blue for his first year here, and that even though it’s past one year, he feels sick at any memory of you. He doesn’t even say her name, because the weight of his guilt lays heavy on the vowels and it’s too much to bear. 

Instead, Percy does exactly what Jason wanted – unpack how he feels. He lets his feelings escape the lid, listens to them pour out without caring about how selfish he sounds, how terribly hoarse his voice is. 

Annabeth always seems to do this to him. A single memory of her has him feeling like he’s eighteen again. Every memory of that time leads to a dead end, and though a small part of him wishes he could forget her, his mind tends to run back to that time. 

It's incredibly stupid of him to miss her when he was the one who left. He knows this, but can’t help but indulge in the longing he feels. 

And by the time he’s done talking, there’s a box of tissues in his lap and Jason beside him, patting his back as if it could erase every bad emotion he’s feeling.

Jason’s at a loss for words. He didn’t know, but he feels like he should’ve. He should’ve connected the dots when he caught Percy reading old text messages a few days. He should’ve gotten the hint when he saw Percy standing next to another girl as if he was a stiff tree. He should’ve caught on to how his friend never liked to talk about relationships, excusing it as something he wasn’t interested in, despite his unrivaled passion for romcoms.

Percy loves torturing himself by thinking about Annabeth, but talking about her is the opposite – any mention of her seems to bring the mood down for not just him, but everyone around him. The weight of her name is so heavy, it’s a burden on anyone who knows your situation with him. 

It's especially terrible when your Annabeth is inscribed in his heart, his veins adorned with engravings of her. The vessels are shrinking under her load, pressing his chest and squeezing his throat. 

With every mention to Jason, her name escaping his lips makes the weight increase. 

It's been exactly two years since the day he left, yet his heart feels heavier than before. 

#percabeth #percabeth fic #annabeth #annabeth chase #leahbeth #percy jackson #percy #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #grover #grover underwood #pjo #pjo fic #percy jackson fanfiction #percy jackson fic #pjo fandom #percy jackson fanfic #heroes of olympus fanfic #perseus jackson #black annabeth chase #blond percy jackson #pjo au #percy jackson au #percabeth au #povbeth: my fics