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pallanophblargh · 1 year

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I think part of me expected this burnout would last a long time, but it’s drawing close to a year now. I have a strong reason to suspect medications are prolonging it. Granted: I have no intention of stopping medication, but I suspect I may need to make some changes. It’s been nice not to feel burning rage/crippling despair/panic most of the time, but I also miss being able to actually... act on things! Start things! Feel some semblance of motivation, as fleeting as it is. Mostly my reaction to prompts of any kind are “nah, don’t wanna” or “so what?” which isn’t terribly conducive to anything more than day to day life. (Y’all, I can’t even reliably plan my vacation and that’s pretty terrible.)

I’m saying this in part as a sort of explanation as to why I’ve been so slow to respond to anything, or post any art, or even re-open commissions this past year. I just... generally can’t make myself do anything that isn’t a part of my daily maintenance routine. Knowing that making art (even personal art) takes 3x times as long to complete is a standout reason I’ve been refusing to reopen commissions especially, since I’d be unwilling to make clients wait more than a few months for even something as simple as a sketch. People were patient enough with “Old Me,” I don’t think most would hold out for “New Me.”

Thankfully I’m speaking to my doctor tomorrow regarding my experiences on the current medication, and maybe I can find something that works a little better. I feel like I’ve been pretty fortunate so far, all things considered, and my side effects have been fairly mild. (Though I have suspicions it’s also thinning out my hair something fierce... probably time for supplements for that issue!)

Hopefully I’ll figure it out sooner rather than later? Either way, I’m learning to accept things as they are these days.

#April rambles #text post #mental health #medication #I know I'm one of the lucky ones but I'm still not discounting my aggravations #like yeah I'd like to think I should be capable of motivation #but at what cost?#and I never thought I'd care so much about hair loss but yikes I never had a lot of hair to begin with #wanting to cry anytime I see someone with a full head of thick hair #guess I'm kinda shallow after all lol #I have some beef regarding my other issues and suspicions but whatever #I can deal with them later #but I still find it hard to believe I've been assigned Just Anxiety instead of low grade well masked ADHD #Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever #I'm a pleasant zombie for the most part are you happy?#I can't be arsed to do really anything are you sure that's just anxiety?#I'm literally masquerading as an apathetic potato most of the time now with meds so yeah ok sure?#we'll get there someday I hope #shit count my blessings it could be so much worse

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zvezdacito · 1 year

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// TWST Book 7 spoilers, thoughts of Malleus's writing as a character

So I was reading some other people's opinions on why some people consider Malleus overrated/annoying, and tbh this makes me really sad. The general consensus is that a lot of people fixate on certain sides and can only see him as one extreme or the other and it results in many ppl thinking a watered down version of his character is how he is in canon.

I feel that its such a shame because he's the most interesting, compelling and well-rounded take on his character archetype I've seen.

From my observation, usually they kinda make this archetype (the broody misunderstood 'everyone fears him like a monster except for one special person') someone you can't take that seriously, because of how his struggle usually kind of written in a way where everyone involved feel less like actual fully fledged original characters and really just one note tropes interacting with other one note tropes.

To elaborate: What i mean when i say this is usually ppl who hate him kind of just do because of plot requires them to and to show how all their haters are "normies" who can't get him because 'he's not like everyone else'. The misunderstood guy still usually has toxic personality issues but the story really tends to make it feel like they don't fear him for that but because they're shallow and have prejudice to ppl like him, so his personality issues are not framed as wrong or character flaws.

I don't think there's anything inherenrly wrong or mediocre with the "one special person who gives him a chance before anyone else" trope like I'm literally a Malleyuu enjoyer lol but like i said its all in the execution cause otherwise it fails to be compelling and believable. Usually in the poorly written version of this trope the guy doesn't undergo any character development other than showing more emotion and kindess to his partner because they melted his ice I guess so it really makes his whole character feel like its revolves around the sake of romance and fanservice.

Malleus doesn't fall into this trap in my opinion because his situation despite how fantastical it is, the way he was written makes it believable as to why everything is the way it is with him, and it also challenges the viewer if they would be able to say they wouldn't fear him too in that situation.

"We're gonna give you this character who everyone sees as a monster and show you deep down he just wants the same love as everyone else, making you contemplate changing judgement on him. He wants to prove this, but his way of going about it always inadvertently harms others."

"You know where hes coming from and if he had that social connection to give him a better understanding of others this wouldn't be happening, but its also equally understandable that the people hes trying to connect with don't deserve this and fear him even more after this, trapping him in a cycle of isolation."

"Given his track record, do you go about giving him a chance or just considering the repeatedly proven danger he brings. With the valid reasons of both parties, can you really say he isn't a monster and demand that 'if only people be near him'?"

There's just such a tragic and thought-provoking dilemma to his character that adds so many layers that makes him so good.

As omniscient viewers we have the benefit of seeing what he's going through form his POV so we can sympathize with him and understand that he thinks what he's doing is the best course of action and he's just trying to create a "win for everyone" situation.

But also everything he does ironically reaffirms everyone's fear and distrust of someone like him. No one can deny he has a tendency to cause further destruction when he tries to do something "good", examples including: past Briar Valley lantern lighting fire, the Halloween 2 ghost world party, and now his Sleeping Curse stunt in Book 7 Part 2 (they really emphasize this by making the spoken name of his UM basically mean "Malicious Fairy" but have its written name used to convey what its meant to mean be "Blessing").

↑ Given this, it honestly makes sense others, especially those who don't know him all that well, would just expect the worst when he's around already, and you wouldn't be able to blame them for that given the track record. It doesn't help that this impression is worsened since he tends to cause misunderstandings due to his lack of familiarity with human social cues.

Alongside the bias and preconceived notions from his status and reputation, they also make a point on how his personality flaws are still also a huge factor in pushing people away, such as not being able to see things through the perspective of others.

He also holds a subconcious belief due to what has been ingrained in him since childhood as a Draconia and the next in line that because he's superior to others at certain things, he has the right and responsibility to decide on what will protect and help them, disregarding the individual values/priorities of human beings and leading him to take reckless and destructive action with good intentions.

His upbringing, character strengths and character flaws are all realistically connected to each other and the way they are subtly shown to be ever-present in defining his decisions, goals and thoughts throughout the whole story. So we don't really need to have a character go out of their way to exposition this to us this word for word just so we can understand and believe it.

Moving onto something slightly more lighthearted, I really also like how dorky Malleus surprisingly was. Other similar characters in the archetype I usually see don't really have any hobbies, interests, or quirks outside of being a broody authority figure, which might've been appealing to some at first but it really just gets stale and boring after a while.

This should be the bare minimum in making a fleshed out and interesting character so maybe i sound like im giving them too much credit for pointing it out😭 But yeah compared to the other examples it's good that Malleus has his Tamagotchi and Gargoyle interests it makes him feel like a believable person who has his own life going on too (with the bonus that these interests are also metaphors for aspects of his character). The gap moe adds an endearing side to him, and makes the gap between his intent and impact of his actions even more tragic. It wouldn't hit the same without this side.

(^ Forgot how the exact quote goes, but it basically said dark stories are more effective when there are moments of genuine happiness and good in them, compared to if it was always just grim and edgy. The former increases the stakes and tragedy because you have something you to care about losing, while for the latter there is nothing for you to care about so nothing the story does really matters. Same logic applies to Malleus)

Overall, it's just like an unfortunate incompatibility of goals and circumstances, which is what TWST is all about. Another thing I want to say is out of all the characters, I feel like Malleus is the one who is the ultimate embodiment of TWST's main themes:

-> How it's not about "hero" vs "villain" just differing circumstances crossing paths and clashing because of how people on either side have their own complex perspective and dreams they want to realize

-> And how connection and finding community is important to find people who will help you make up for what you lack in reaching your goals and to better understand all the factors that caused the situation in the first place.

As if seeing yourself reflected in a mirror, the more you get to know the people around you, you realize in many ways you are actually quite alike, and through understanding others you could also possibly better understand certain aspects of yourself. It's sort of encouraging you to do the opposite of dehumanizing others and yourself, which is something Malleus has most evidently internalized.

So yeah this was so long😭 I had a lot I wanted to say since Malleus is my favorite TWST character. Idk if I missed anything or if i managed to express my thoughts in a cohesive way but yeah. I kinda go into a rage whenever I see the worst takes ever be put out about his character but tbh sometimes I can't completely blame others since fandom trends and the convenience of simplifying things into tropes can warp your perception of a character and what you associate with them.

Also sometimes twst doesn't do a good job with utilizing his character like Book 5 where he got turned into a deus ex machina and Halloween 2 where they killed any hype and intrigue for the plot we had at the beginning through the ending reveal and gave the worst justification ever for Malleus and Lilia's actions ever.

Regardless, I hope more people manage to move past this and appreciate his character for what it really is soon though. He's an amazingly tragic character; a lot of thought was put into how his experiences, strengths and weaknesses would convincingly connect, and he represents something relevant in the story's plot and themes.

The fact that I've seen some people unironically believe that Malleus may just be faking his cluelessness of social cues to hide his "true evil" is evidence to how convincing his character's situation is, that even some in the audience who know more about him than the characters would still end up in the same place of doubt and distrust of Malleus because of what he's capable of.

Aight thank you for reading👍

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst book 7 spoilers #malleus draconia #twst writing analysis ?#diasomnia #i am his number 1 defender #ignore me just putting random photos in between text i tried separating chunks of text to make it more readable lol #twst character analysis ?

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starrylayle · 3 months

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Marauders Fandom > "There is no canon !!" and other rhetorics

Guess who's back in their marauders phase after 2-3 years of being dormant lmao?? ((spoiler its me lol)). Anyways, a lot has changed since 2021 in this fandom so I just wanted to talk about the direction i think it's going.

I remember in 2020-21 the fandom started to boom in popularity on tiktok --> esp with the rise wolfstar + atyd. I remember people were so suprised with remus' characterization as 'rougher around the edges' instead of the 'soft boi' thing, and how that influenced the new wolfstar dynamic. [Just want to add that the atyd characterisation is much more complex than this and its one of my fave fics --> I'm more talking about the fandom at large's reaction to this)

And since fandom is incapable of having two nuanced and characters who are not stark opposites,, their roles were basically reversed and now Remus is the toxic dom alpha male and sirius is the cute girlyboy twink --- which um,,, the oc-ification is so real its embarrassing but whatever (omg don't even get me started on jegulus 💀)). I just assumed these would stay as headcanons. But now we have people saying, that 'we barely know anything abt the marauders in canon' or 'isn't the whole point of fandom to make shit up?' which i have sO many issues with so let me just try and compile my thoughts into dot points for the sake of coherency.

'we barely know anything abt the marauders in canon' ---> First of all, Remus, Sirius and Severus are fully fleshed out characters in the og series -- why do you think people would care enough to create an entire fandom based on their backstories if they were 2d flat characters in canon?? Like bffr. I saw a post on here (forgot who it was by, let me know if u know!) that said, 'I didn't cry over sirius' death in OotP just for ppl to say that we know nothing abt him in canon'. Like, its just mind-boggling to me lol.

'isn't the whole point of fandom to make shit up?' --> Ok y'all. For a fandom to work, there have to be some guidelines, some kind of source material, some point of reference so people can build upon it and make content. I think we can all agree on that. One reason why HP is such a popular place for fandom is the world-building and potential plots/storylines. I see some people argue that jk rowling was a shit writer anyways so might as well contradict everything she says. Now, I don't disagree with that point in particular, Jo is a pretty mediocre writer and a terrible person. HOWEVERrr, I'd argue that it is a lot more fascinating when people expand or work on the concepts in HP. JK Rowling has a lot of great ideas but executes them terribly -- I love when fic writes do this, which prolly explain why I love atyd as it is still very much canon compliant but executes themes on class, disability and queerness that jkr could barely do in subtext. This doesn''t mean I only think canon compliant fics are valid. That's not the case! I think as long as the charcterization is consistent to the character and the particular circumstances/world they're in, its fine! In fact, I love seeing how the same character would function if in a different place! I also love seeing explorations of the magic and magic systems in aus or fix it fics (or even canon compliant ones) that still fit in with the canonnical system that we know.

I guess what I'm trying to say I wish the marauders fandom explored the world and charcterizations more deeply instead of creating shallow oc-fied version of the characters that fit into whatever's trending -- like just write your own book or smth lol -- booktok will eat it up i promise.

Also, kinda related kinda not but um,,, why are we romanticising fascists -- like babe no evan rosier is not your babygirl he canonnoically tortured multiple ppl and became a death eater soo... not saying that I wouldn't want an exploration of his character or even a relationship with barty -- (who's not some cool dairk-haired edgelord but a actually a cowardly fascist murderer with blond hair -- yes the blond hair is important) -- I'd just want them to be portrayed as the not morally good people they are. Like,, if u want to oc-ify a character like pick someone whos not a death eater or has little info on them like dirk cresswell or frank longbottom,,, or ya know,, one of the MANY female characters in the fandom ((This fandom also has a problem with women and sapphic ships in general but that's a whole other issue lol).

I know this 'babygirlification' of death eaters doesn't mean to do this, but it also ends up watering down the themes of oppression, bigotry, etc and leaves us with not nearly as complex characters. Also one of the issues I had with the og HP world is that JK will introduce concepts like wizard racism and slavery and then just like,, not really do anything about it or just have half-arsed redemption arcs whilst not ever actually exploring the root of the issue. And now i feel like the fandom is following in those footsteps unfortunately.

Anyways, i've been rambling for too long so I'll just leave it here. Sorry if this came off as mean spirited in anyway,, I just have a lot of thoughts™ and my family is sick of hearing them lol. These opinions are not set in stone however so I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject! At the end of the day this is fandom and we're supposed to have fun -- so yeah !! thanks for reading if you made it this far!

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otakween · 7 months

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Digimon Tamers - Episode 41

For an episode that should have been a happy reunion, this one was mostly really sad and distressing. Concerned about where Juri's storyline is going and how she'll react to being back home. Other than that I'm glad we're back in the real world. It's kind of unfortunate since the digital world is supposed to be a big selling point of this franchise, but I always find the real world setting more engaging lol. The digital world is too vague and empty.

The ark becoming sentient was a cool twist. It kind of looked like HAL 9000 with its big red eye. Guilmon explaining their journey to it was really cute.

The reference to distributed computing made my inner computer nerd happy. It was also a cool way to get the kids' parents involved in the rescue mission.

Kenta realizing MarineAngemon is his partner felt like such an afterthought. And then he brags that his partner is an ultimate-level digimon which didn't help my impression of him as a shallow, one-note character.

Juri going from catatonic and depressed to evil is kinda confusing. Intrigued where they're going with that. Really sad to see all the kids try to comfort her and being confused when she doesn't respond.

Cyberdramon's child form is really cute. I like his forehead spike.

The contrast between the kids/digimon returning to support systems and those without was super heartbreaking. Juri's probably too dead inside to really notice, but watching Impmon trudge into the woods got to me (even tho he deserves it lol).

I was rolling my eyes when, immediately after being reunited with their son, Takato's parents are cool with him taking Juri home on his own. Ain't no way!! She either spends one night with them and they all take her home together in the morning or they all just go right now. I know safety is different in Japan, but what kind of parent wouldn't be a ball of nerves at this point?

Juri makes it back to her abusive (?) parents. I'm actually not sure what the deal is with them. I guess all we know is that Juri's biological mom died and now they're mad that she ran away? At least step-mom gave her a hug -shrug-

Culumon follows Juri home for some reason. Kinda seems like Culumon's an empath of sorts (I hate that word, but it works for magical creatures lol). Maybe they'll be there to witness whatever craziness she's about to get into.

I was confused as to why Shinjuku was being evacuated. Was it because of the deva attacks prior to the kids leaving or because of the D-reaper stuff after they got back? The timing felt weird (but maybe that's because of the time difference in the two worlds).

If this wasn't a kids show I'd think that Juri's about to kill her whole family or something...not sure what her creepy smile at the end means

#digimon #digimon tamers #anime

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chrimsonfoxdon · 23 days

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Ooh question, you mentioned rewatching as an adult, and I'm curious, what kinds of things do you view differently now? I'm rereading the manga after a long time too, and the big thing I'm noticing is that I have more compassion now, especially towards characters who I didn't realize reminded me of myself and not in the best ways 😂 And especially during part 1 I found myself wondering why we don't see their parents more often (for those who still have them) and who took care of them growing up (for the others).

I have felt similar!! Ok I’m gonna maybe list stuff out on what I’ve noticed I view differently.

Very long post under the cut of me rambling (again)!

1. My Opinion on What I Consider Good Media Has Changed

Starting with this one as I feel it’s a big overarching thing that’ll dictate all my other opinions and thoughts. I’ve watched, read, and listened to A LOT of other series and media since I first started watching Naruto (also you know life experience and such), so I have a better idea of what is “good” media and what is “bad.” When I was younger, I considered Naruto to be the best of the best, but I don’t think that now (as far as anime that title now goes to FMA:B it’s very good please watch it if you haven’t oh my god). It has a lot of flaws, some endearing and others… not so much. Granted that’s any piece of media. Nothing is perfect (not even FMA:B). But despite that, I’ve also learned that it’s ok to still enjoy it!! Imo it’s not all bad, I mean, we’re still here discussing it yea?

I guess the TLDR of this part is: it’s cringe but that’s ok cuz life is short and we should enjoy the stuff we like.

2. Female Characters/Feminism

I feel like, while these are different topics, they’re very linked together in how I watch Naruto now so I’m putting them together. When I was younger, I didn’t like really any of the female cast (except Tenten). I found them “annoying,” to put it simply. Sakura always chasing after Sasuke?? Lame. Ino being obsessed with her looks?? Shallow. Hinata losing to Neji? Weak. I began to think that I didn’t like those characters because I didn’t like female characters mostly as a whole (which is kinda hilarious cuz I did start making Chihiro back then who does in fact identify as a woman LOL!!). But this negative attitude towards female characters not only leaked into how I consumed other media, but how I saw myself and other women irl. Like I distinctly remember believing that a woman could never beat a guy in anything. Which is uh… not true!! And kinda fucked up!!!

Now that I’m older I just realize that kishimoto doesn’t know how to write women all that well. Imo, it’s not the girls’ faults, it’s their creator. Which is disappointing but also freeing almost?? Plus, I can now appreciate what good they do have to offer!! (I talked a little about the konoha 12 girls and what I like about them in this ask in case you’d like details on individual characters)

I think also being exposed to other fans with differing opinions and views has helped me with this as well. When I first started watching I didn’t really go online (wasn’t a thing in Cuba plus I wasn’t really interested), so I didn’t really have other perspectives to bounce off of.

Also wanted to add that there are definitely parts of the show I laughed off before but you know, just are not acceptable nowadays. Mainly thinking of Shikamaru talking down on girls/women, Neji made a rude comment about girls too (that Tenten corrected him on tho thank you queen), and some bits that could be perceived as a little transphobic (I’m not trans tho so I don’t wanna speak for them on that bit). Its viewpoints that I feel are a product of the time, but does not make the overall series bad per se.

3. Seeing Other Children as a Child VS as an Adult

Ngl since I grew up with Naruto, I feel as if I will always see them as my peers in a sense. If anything, almost like the “older kids” in school. Like I don’t know if this is a common perception, but I remember when I was like in 2nd grade I saw 6th graders as like tiny adults, but then when I was in 6th grade I saw 2nd graders as like babies. Does that make sense?? Anyway, it’s interesting rewatching Naruto as an adult and seeing my “peers” when they were younger. I remember thinking that 12 & 13 year olds were badass and cool and practically ready for the real world (I was like 8 or 9 when I first started watching leave me alone), and being amazed at stuff like the chunin exams. Nowadays my brain just kinda goes “why are we letting these CHILDREN go to war???” It’s a similar story with like the sensei. Thinking they’re so experienced and old and… now I’m the same age as them and I’m still young!!

4. Might Gai is Cringe and I Love Him For That

The way I didn’t appreciate this man when I was a kid is a CRIME. Teaching his students (and friends) that it’s important to find joy in life is SO IMPORTANT and Gai just does an EXCELLENT job with that!! He strives to be a source of light for the people in his life, and to show others it’s important to smile and laugh from time to time. It warms my cold dead grownup heart what can I say. There’s a line in OG Naruto after Lee beats Sasuke in their fight before the chunin exams, where Naruto turns to Sasuke and Sakura as their cringing at Lee and Gai and says, “actually, it’s kinda sweet how they’re all hugging and stuff!” And that kinda summarizes my thoughts on them.

TLDR Might Gai is cringe but he is free and I love him so much for that.

5. Seeing Myself in Characters I Didn’t Before

Off the top of my head, the three characters I see myself in more so now than when I was younger is definitely Choji, Lee, and Tenten.

I was never popular growing up, especially when I moved back to the US after living in Cuba. Kids just didn’t wanna play with me or have me on their sports teams, so I was purposefully left out oftentimes, kinda like how choji was when he was younger. Rewatching that part made me cry honestly HAHA I saw myself so clearly. I’m also plus size so the beauty standards he has to deal with really speak to me. I remember Shikamaru telling him one time that girls don’t have to be skinny to be pretty and I would be lying if that didn’t give me a huge amount of confidence in myself.

Rock Lee’s story has always been top notch, but as someone who chose to specialize in a path that I didn’t really have natural talent for myself it REALLY speaks to me now. I’ll be 100% honest, I was never really one of those “been drawing since I could hold a pencil” kind of kids. I liked it, but I didn’t really consider myself any good until like 8th grade or so. Anyway, there’s this scene where Lee is crying at the training grounds cuz he’s scared that, no matter how hard he works, it’ll all be for nothing and that he’ll always be a loser, and uh… had to turn the show off cuz that struck WAAAAAAAY too close to home for me as an artist with a… let’s be real, a failing art business. Anyway, he inspires me though to keep going cuz this is what brings me joy. I may take longer than most, but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person for it.

Tenten I’ve honestly seen a lot of myself in even when I was younger! But there’s this filler episode that goes into detail on how she tried really hard to be just like Tsunade, since that was her dream since she was little. Turns out she doesn’t have the capacity to do that (not being able to do medical ninjutsu well, etc), but she finds her own strengths along the way. What really spoke to me was letting go of your childhood dreams. It’s hard. It feels like you’re failing in a way. But Tenten was able to persevere and find a new and even better path forward for herself. And that’s just amazing. I love seeing that, and it helps me feel as if I too and maybe find my path.

6. Final Thoughts and Random Little Things

I think it’s also safe to say that I can pick up on story flaws (I’m looking at you 4th great ninja war arc) and inconsistencies (how the heck does the hyuga clan work wtf). It’s a long series and nowadays you can binge the whole thing in one sitting (I don’t recommend that please take care of yourself). Back in my day I had to wait a whole week to watch the next 26 minute episode with commercials in between. Also I was a kid. AHAHA!! But again, long series, so I’m sure Kishi forgot about certain details while he was being pushed to continue the series.

Also my views on certain things that happened in the series changed based on what I know what happens later, which I find to be quite fun!

Overall I still enjoy the series, both for similar reasons as I did back in the day (Neji) and for new reasons!! Flaws and all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

#chit chat #naruto #naruto meta

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ybetzarts · 13 days

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random question, what draws you to knuckles as a character? do you have a favourite version of him?

Okok...bear with me, I have to start from the beginning..

I first encountered Knuckles during the time when he was mostly portrayed as, as they described him, a character merely for comedic relief. I watched the boom series back in 2015 and so my first impression of him was that he was an all-brawn-no-brain kinda guy. I found him funny, i guess...i had no clue back then. To explain why i didnt bother to do any research, here are some screenshots of my response on IG...(see below the break)

I was a shallow "fan". I find the sonic casts' design interesting and fun to look at. At that time, that was enough...

1. What drew me into Knuckles then?

I'll get into that, but first...The 2nd movie...The only reason i gave Sonic(by Sonic i meant the whole franchise) a chance was because i saw how Knuckles was portrayed in the 2nd Sonic movie. Very different from what i knew of him at that time.

I began researching about him, after watching the movies. There was something. Yea, i was on an info hunt of just about the guy for months! Along the way tho, i also discovered a ton of things about Sonic, the cast, etc. BUT, i was mostly so eager to know about Knuckles. Then man! There was so much to know about the guy...He wasnt just that all-brawn-no-brain type of guy. Those character analysis videos of Knuckles explained a lot of things about him. He's the most interesting of the cast(for me)---his personality(Most of all), his backstory, his sacred duty, being the last of the echidnas, angel island as his home, what's left of his kind(relics, tech, architecture, art, etc.), so much to unpack...and YET there were almost nothing said about them??? The mysteries about the guy continues. Lots of angles to look into his character.

Hmm... I also realized that there were many ways to interpret(?) Knuckles. The tons of fanfiction you can make about the guy, tons of ways to do headcanons about him---one can look at him through his duty as a guardian, through him being a warrior, through his ancestors--and then recently in Frontiers--through the hidden and long lost and forgotten structures within angel island, also, through the M.E. and through the power that resides in the M.E. Am I making sense even???

[I should say that i liked a lot of these things first, before i even liked Knuckles for his design LOL (gawsh, those times when i struggled drawing the dude. I was so eager to learn how to draw him. Usually i would have given up, but surprisingly i didnt), and the "why did he have to be RED" XDD I didnt like red, until Knuckles...] His personality drew me in at first, then came all of these things...

About his personality/character...I can really relate to that. I also happen to like characters who are tough on the outside and are good (not exactly gentle) in the inside LOL. Knuckles looks so tough, immovable as a mountain, but deep down, he's carrying a lot. Rarely or almost never opening up. I can only imagine him as he got older, him thinking like

"No one will be left to take care of the island after I'm gone anyway...so why should i even bother? I could be doing something else, I could be anywhere, I could make use of what time ive been given, of what time i have left."

*proceeds to chuck them thoughts away* Then just like that, back to guarding duty again, still feeling loyal and determined to fulfill his role, and to who knows until when...

For that, Knuckles is the only fictional character that ive come to genuinely like and become interested in. So much so that i got out of my demotivated-uninspired-artist-prison and began drawing again, and for the fun of it!🌟💥

2. As for my favorite version of him?

My gosh! um, currently Renegade, I suppose??? Man, this is hard gah! Theres always something to like about every version of Knuckles. The Knuckles version in my head, the one i created after consuming a ton of Knuckles info, yea i also like that version LOL XDD🌟

#asks #ybetzartstalks #knucklestheechidna #my fingers hurt now #i figured this was gonna be long so i didnt draw anything this time HNGGGG #am feeling really sleepy now so #pls forgive me if i ever made yall confused ack

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pearwaldorf · 1 year

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In the course of living our lives, sometimes we let things drift to the wayside until we are reminded they exist, and are dissatisfying. The catalyst for this is this extremely cogent post about how white queer experiences are centered in Critical Role (specifically, but also in other) fandom.

I've been watching this show for a very long time, and I used to volunteer as an editor and timesetter for the CR Transcripts project. But I've found myself drifting further and further away from the fandom at large, and some of the things above are why. I mean, the fandom is much, much larger than it was when I first joined, and growing pains happen.

Critical Role is a big name in the actual play space, and I feel like it attracts a certain type of white (queer) fan that likes to think of themselves as "woke" or "progressive", but in mostly shallow ways. The vitriol I saw flung when South Asian fans expressed dissatisfaction with the worldbuilding in Jrusar and Marquet was incredible, to the point where people unfamiliar with the fandom were like "Guess the alt-right's not going to have problems recruiting here lol". (Racism in fandom is always the same, regardless of what fandom it is. The degree and specificity in which it occurs is really the only difference.)

And I'm not surprised it struck a nerve, because they "did everything right", bringing in diversity and cultural sensitivity consultants to make sure they didn't fuck it up. But as somebody on Twitter said, that's really all a consultant can do, make sure you don't fuck it up. It's difficult to replicate lived experience, to make a setting feel like a place that's part of you. And because of the visibility of big name white creators, it's going to overshadow whatever #ownvoices content other people create, especially when they got there first.

That's the thing about conditional allyship--fans and people of color have it until they trigger some white people feefees you didn't know were an issue until they were. CR did everything right, so why the fuck are the brown people still complaining? Is it not enough not to be racist? What do you mean they still want to be able to tell stories the way they want?

I feel like Critical Role as A Brand is also extremely not transparent when called out on its fuck-ups (the Wendy's sponsorship, the original C3 opening), which sets a poor example for fans as well. If I was one of the people who'd been dogpiled (especially when said dogpiling happened because of a friend of the show drawing attention to fans' comments), I'd be pissed at the giant wall of silence. Like, CR Inc can do whatever the fuck it wants, but the sudden appearance of a new title sequence after people were like "Uh, this is kind of insensitive" with absolutely no acknowledgement that maybe they goofed? Kinda uncool.

I do believe they're genuinely trying to do their best. But as (white) people, they are subject to all the nonsense society imparts on everybody, especially in terms of race, class, and all the other shit that interacts with those experiences. And I wish they, but especially CR fans, would decenter their experiences as white people to think about other ways these characters can give them insight into lives that aren't their own.

#word vomit #critical role #no malarkey on this post if you please #i am extremely not in the mood #racism in fandom

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smewduck · 2 months

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#5 and/or #26 for the wip ask game? :3

woah i ended up rambling

5. What are the main themes?

I would say the main big one would be good+evil/moral ambiguity? I really like looking at morality in stories.. because of this reason I could name very few genuinely 'bad' cats in this story lol

plus whatever theme goes with some sort of corrupt system :] I love those (fictionally) :]

smaller themes like power, death, war, hate/love etc and these are all looked at specifically in context/influence of their little corrupt cat society

26. What do you still need to plan?

a whole bunch of stuff! there's many little plot issues that annoy me that I'd love to fix, the main two big things however are Rainpaw's character arc and the entirety of Part 3. um lots of text under the cut

Rainpaw's my main protagonist, he gets pov throughout all 3 parts but. idk what he's really doing. its hard to get him to the end point of his story because I'm not really sure what would change his mindset to get there? His ultimate job is to restore StarClan after like a year of anarchy (a plot problem in itself because I don't want to portray the downfall of a corrupt government-ish figure as bad lol that's a good thing) but he starts SL totally anti-StarClan in comparison to his Clan. Right now I'm kind of passing it off as the inter-faction conflicts he faces after StarClan's fall make him want to restore the Clans as they were supposed to be when they were formed, but I also don't want anarchy (? for lack of a better word I guess) = chaos because that's boring and kinda shallow in my opinion

WHICH LEADS INTO part 3 because I have the end of it etched into my soul but the rest of it is just everyone. existing. totally unplanned I have no idea what will drive the plot of part 3 yet. I want to explore the conflicts between the different factions that are created after the Clans fall apart so that may drive the plot for Petalclaw and Rainpaw/storm but as for Night? I need to plan what she's doing because her one goal is to destroy StarClan. Once she's done that (end of part 2), idk what will lead her to everything I have planned out for her at the end of part 3, which is again her vs starclan :/ it's like when Night is there but StarClan is not there is nothing driving her actions so I need to figure that out...

WOAH SORRY FOR ALL THAT BUT IT WAS FUN. sorry if it makes no sense... it distracted me from the worst history assignment of all time from hell itself so thank you for the ask! :D

#sl spoilers #very mild #i don't really care if anyone knows this stuff #let it be common knowledge that there is anarchy in this story lmao #starclan is Destroyed #Night gets what she wants even if it is temporary #but if you don't want spoilers filter out that tag for this blog lol #even tho it may be years until this is an actual readable story...#plot stuff

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catoscloves · 2 years

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whenever i see an SE shipper or an anti SC person in general (nothing towards my SE mutuals ily all <3) claim a power imbalance between stefan and caroline i'm always kinda struggling to understand....

"stefan was not as invested in the relationship than caroline" uhm no that was m*roline, where matt was constantly putting caroline down and inadvertently pitting her against elena. people think that that was the situation when it came to stefan's elena versus caroline narrative (as in which one he wanted as a romantic partner) when ultimately it wasn't true? when stefan was with elena he didn't express romantic attraction to caroline - in fact he politely and gently rejected caroline's advances because of his interest in elena WITHOUT leading caroline on or comparing her to elena or pitting the two women together. stefan never insults caroline as a person (that was matt - 'deep's not really your thing') - other than that idiotic calculator comment which obvs wasn't great but is not the worst thing a white man said about a woman on this show - and he even respects and values caroline/admires her growth from insecure and 'shallow' and petty to levelheaded and assertive and in control WHILE he's still committed to elena. the fact that he was attracted to elena first doesn't necessarily make caroline a runner up/second best to elena either, and that seems to be a common opinion shared between stelena shippers (which is an opinion y'all are entitled to have, i just think it's wrong lol).

and people like to bring out caroline's claim that stefan "only had eyes for elena during their first meeting" which was essentially true i guess, in their anti steroline gifsets. but they forget that when stefan was an amnesiac, he trusted caroline, a girl whom he'd basically "just met," over a man who introduced himself as his brother and a woman who must have informed stefan at some point that she was his "(former) epic love." stefan also called caroline his attractive "best friend" at their first meeting ('you're hotter in person'). stefan made plenty of advances toward caroline (he initiated!!!!!!), romantically and otherwise, and even chose to dance because it made her happy, without her having to plead (which was always the case when he and elena were together). stefan respected her space and the fact that she needed to work through and resolve her issues after liz's death, their relationship was decided on HER terms ('when you are ready for me i'll be ready for you'), and stefan and caroline were equals in their platonic and romantic relationship (one of the healthiest relationships on tvd lbr).

also if any stefan relationship had a power imbalance it was st*lena imo, not steroline. stefan was a 100+ year old man who harrassed and stalked a seventeen year old that looked like his ex, consistently lied to her and ommitted important details throughout s1, basically forced an already traumatized girl to do his emotional labor/help him pull through his addiction, then almost killed her for the sake of his vendetta against klaus (forcing her to relive her bridge related trauma and the death of her parents), and planned to hunt her down/force feed her the cure she repeatedly and clearly communicated that she DIDN'T want. while caroline was the same age as elena and also an insecure teenage girl, which is why it makes sense that steroline could have easily become that kind of dynamic, none of these problems ever came up for steroline. stefan politely rejected caroline (not even as a person like d*mon and m*tt did, insulting and belittling her personality and values, but simply because he was pursuing another love interest), caroline moved on, they built a mutually respectful and fond friendship dynamic, and caroline had an equal amount of power because she wasn't a vulnerable human but a vampire with control (vampirism also clearly gave her a self esteem boost and helped her work through her insecurities), which meant stefan never had an opportunity to take advantage of her vulnerability.

#anti stelena #anna speaks #steroline #the vampire diaries #caroline x stefan #anti stefan salvatore for ts #otp: better than true love

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evelhak · 7 months

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Old art #18: Self portrait

Lol I found this one I had made for my DeviantArt profile in I'm guessing 2011, so I was probably 17. I was not that cute. Arina Tanemura was in my head. (Can you tell how much I had been reading Shinshi Doumei Cross, just by looking at that hair and face? Wasn't that some manga, huh. Would certainly spark... conversations these days. But even looking back, there were a few things that were quite captivating and great about it.)

Meet my whole cat gang. If you've been here a while, you already know Bell, she's the grey one. A little princess with two braincells and a bottomless stomach. Eats literally like a snake, without chewing. She's the pinnacle of self-centredness which she gets away with because she's just so dumb. Also very loud and fond of crocodile tears. Really, the complete lack of self-awareness is impressive. The way she walks through life sticking her butt and puke exactly where she pleases at any time she pleases reminds me of the people I was always kinda jealous of. The ones who can be as unapologetically annoying, shallow, selfish and boasty as they want and most people still love them. Probably because they are very pretty and perceived to be too stupid to be held accountable for their lack of consideration of others. Bell is also so pretty everyone compliments her face, her bones, her colour and the pattern of her fur. My drawing really doesn't do her much justice. Her beauty is very superficial and decreases significantly as soon as she moves or opens her mouth, because she just looks that dumb doing anything. But alas, I love her.

Then we have Aatu, the black one, who is Bell's kitten actually. Still small in this picture but he grew up looking a lot like his dad who was a neighbourhood cat and the biggest one I had ever seen. Very hairy, clearly some Norwegian forest cat in him. Aatu ran away when he was two, but I think in truth he just got hit by a car or eaten by a fox because he had zero self-preservation instinct and half a braincell. He went towards all animals and cars in oblivious curiosity as they approached him. He was attracted to the vacuum cleaner when it was on. He was literally not scared of anything. He thought he was a dog, an owl, a cow, and also human. He loved when you made him slide across the floor. He loved to be dragged around and ruffled in all ways. He didn't know how to hiss, growl or make any type of angry or dissatisfied sound. He was very, very happy. Apparently too happy and unbothered by anything to survive.

Then there's Nöpö, the big one. He died a few years ago at 17. He was our first cat. Braincell count would compare to a human. Very sensitive, very angry, dominating but also gentle, intelligent, pessimistic and depressed. The look of his build resembled that of a lot bigger wild cats, especially when he hunted. He wanted his own space, didn't enjoy people initiating touch, he would come to you instead when he wanted it. He was always like that but it got worse when Bell came into the house and was her charming self. Nöpö's nervous system clearly couldn't handle sharing his territory and had I been able to anticipate it, I wouldn't have taken Bell. Nöpö did everything with so much more care and attention. He needed time and space, he wouldn't even be able to eat with Bell, because she gulped everything down while Nöpö chewed each bite with care, and nothing would be left for him because Bell has no concept of moderation. So Nöpö would always need to be fed in a closed room. He would attack people and other cats frequently because he just had a very strong hunting instinct ever since he was born and didn't like anyone too close unless he asked for it. But he was also very cuddly when he wanted to be, and he didn't want his people to go too far away. He would come crying after me every time I went to get mail. Classic example of "Leave me alone, no wait, where are you going??" I miss that grumpy old guy.

This wasn't supposed to be about cats but there you go.

#repostober #traditional art #original art #cat stories

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jeonqkooks · 10 months

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i couldnt agree more with you! i really dont understand why everyone is so hyped over seven. i have to admit it kind of disappointed me with its shallow lyrics. and i dont understand the purpose of the explicit version? i really hate it. and i think its okay not to like every single song they put out, being an army definitely doesnt mean you have to agree with everything they say, do… but i really hope that the rest of the songs in his album wont be so shallow and i really want them to be more unique like the rest of their songs… i feel like with songs like seven you can listen to them a couple of times and then get bored (but maybe thats just my opinion idk). tbh i think jk is just trying to show us something different than what he showed us previously and i dont blame him for that. but im definitely more looking forward to the songs that he will actually write because im sure that he is capable of writing deeper and more meaningful lyrics. and even if the whole album is in english it doesnt necessarilly mean its going to be completely westernized, right? he did say he wants to try new genres… i think he just wants to challenge himself to try something new and i think a fully-english album is a part of that.

either way, i really wish him all the best because i genuinely believe he’s a bit lost and lonely without other members. to me, it seems that the hiatus definitely had the biggest impact on him? but at the end on the day, 2025 is not THAT far away and im excited for when we can see them as a group again💜 jk even said (recently) that after hiatus they will come back even stronger and i think these words are definitely worth lookig forward to💜

p.s. im sorry for such a long message🥲 i just wanted to share my thoughts on here… and i apologize for my poor english😬

if Watt wanted a no brainer song then he succeeded 😂 and yeah i don't like the explicit ver lol someone i follow here said it sounds like they only did it for shock value, which i kinda agree with. the explicit ver cheapened a song that barely had any meaning to begin with (y'all do not come after me for this. you know it's true) but i guess people really wanted to hear him say fuck 😂

true. jk is definitely trying to show a different side of him and good for him, honestly. but i don't think it necessarily reflects in the quality of the songs yk? i think this is more about presenting a new image rather than exploring the sound.

when you say just bc it's in english doesn't mean it's completely westernized, that is also true. but then considering the people he's working with, i'm not holding out much hope for that 😔

the hiatus... yeah :( they raised him, he literally spent half of his life with them and this is the first time he has to be apart from them in like 13 years. also i feel like there's this kinda pressure for them to all release a solo album before enl*sting, so idk if this also plays a part in him not taking the time to focus on His sound himself but yeah just putting this out there

do not apologize for the long message!! i love it i truly truly do. you could send me 50 whole pages of condensed text and i will still be left wanting more. i love that we can have respectful conversations about this :') and what r u talking about, your english is flawless!!

#anon #answered

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villains4hire · 1 year

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☢ If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? / ♡ What are your top five favorite things about yourself?

//Easy, Alaskan Crab, presuming it's always fresh and cleaned properly. It covers all my texture needs and taste wants for my autistic ass to munch on, then has a variety of ways to be cooked and seasoned. Then I can overcook it to make it rubbery if I ever start getting bored of the texture, as this is an autism thing. It helps reset my texture needs back to wanting it the other way once I get disinterested in texture. As having to stick to one texture or a texture I hate in food is worse than hell for me.

//I'm bad at this so FORGIVE ME

I guess I like being 'bby' (not in a kid way, but a sweet way) or gremlin energy people tend to associate with me personally (if u somehow get to know me that well lol), as I used to really hate that part of me, but now I can really enjoy it. It's just a part of me I guess and ppl love me for it, so, yee. It's my most favorite thing now about myself. o:

Uuuuh, I like my neurotic sense of detail? This goes into my machinery or electronics or learning a new skill I like.

Might sound vain and shallow! But I like that I'm apparently super hot. My friends have commented on it who've seen me and my girlfriends do like how I like when prep'd up after a nice shower, though apparently I have a good game even when not prep'd? I'm kind of weird when it comes to looks as I do go through the motions of being pretty vain, but I also just kinda like 'i would date someone who looks like a literal mass of flesh and bone' rather than some insufferable jackass and would if I really liked their personality over someone that likes me and is attractive and I only 'kinda' like their personality. Granted I am weak to milfs but who isn't, just the reason why. I am a narcissist yup, a point in problem that I do take steps to humble my own ego bc it's a real problem. But I'm good at keeping it under control now. o:

That I am good with people even if I'm clumsy at times with their emotions/perceptions. As I am told I'm sweet a lot, but I don't think past much things on a surface glance, I'm super literal in how I talk and ham-fisted in how I imply stuff. What you see with me is what you get, so it's why it's off-putting for how some ppl act in America as I feel most at ease with direct messages. It takes rare certain circumstances for me to talk indirectly, mostly if I have to cover for someone or if it's someone I've deemed untrustworthy/no opinion on or even just protecting someone's ego I suppose or what we have.

I will say my writing to mention it at least so I don't get my cheeks pinched by my besties as I tend to say I'm only above average. Mostly to not become complacent, but also not already feed my massive ego. I do enjoy it though for me

#ooc #countlessrealities #answered #memes

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d-plays-otome-and-vn-games · 2 years

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I played @undermaintenancegame last night...

And got Theo's route first. 💙

Then I continued tonight, and came to the conclusion that...

I love him. He's so my type irl or at least I want someone like him irl 😭

I kinda feel like, among the three boys, he's the one for me. His route came easy to me. Like I didn't have a hard time choosing the right choices to get to this...

Plus, I looked at the profiles on itch and I'm like, okay, let's try and get Theo's route, then boom! I'm on his route(*)!! 🥳🎉🎉

I LOVE HIM 😍😍😍

💙💙💙

My second route is... *drumroll*

💖

Luca!!!

Oh goodness, I've been through a lot in his route. First, this...

His bad end 😭

I'm so bad at it. I couldn't figure out what to do or say in his route. Lmao 😭

Then, I tried again and guess what?

Normal end. LOL

But third time is a charm, indeed!!!

Tada~

I liked him, too. I mean, I didn't give up just to get to his good end, so that's proof. 💖

I'm not sure if I'll take Tristan's route, tho, because he reminds me of myself somehow and I don't really like myself so idk... 🤷🏼‍♀️😅

Might update once I decided on this.

Overall... I frickin' love this game!!! ❤️❤️❤️

The references cracked me up. I love them!! 😂

The art style is 💙💙💙💙😍😍😍😍

I love that naming your character and setting everything up is a part of the game itself (not just in the beginning, before you play the game). This is very clever! 💯 I really love that. 💙

Story-wise, it's also 💯💯💯💙💙💙 (I was moved by Theo's father's speech 🥺 That stuck, aside from Theo's cheesy lines 😂😍😍 love them, too, esp the one about a heavy hand 😉💙)

The romance is... 😍😍😍 My heart is filled. 💙💙💙

I'M SO IN LOVE WITH THEO. Omg!!! 😭🥺💙💙💙💙💙💙

Some reactions:

WARNING ⚠️ SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

This guy. He's hot and I kinda liked him at first and I would've loved a route but... I mean, I'm attracted to his physical appearance but I realized I'm not that shallow. 😅🤷🏼‍♀️ (And nevermind on the route 😬✌️ I'll end up fighting him and might end up getting his bad end 🤣🤣🤣)

Oh Mark... *sighs*

Anyway...

Eep!!! I literally squealed. Carmela here is kinda better than my Carmela irl (at least at this part, I don't want the real Carmela to hate me because I love her. She's my bff after all lol) And in-game Carmela is on-point!!! I didn't expect for her (this is my pronoun for in-game Carmela) to say this. 🥺😍😍😍 (Love that I got to keep the hoodie. Love it so much!!! 💙💙💙💙)

Game, why are you so accurate? Lol (Theo's route, of course 💙)

Hmmm...

We have a response to this in Filipino but I'm not sure how to translate it in English, it goes like this: "Kasi mahangin ka." LOL (Sorry not sorry for dissing you, Mark but that's only because you're kinda getting on my nerves. I don't wanna hate you honestly but... Oh, Mark... *sighs*

The moment I realized Theo really is my kind of guy 💙😍

I mean, I already love everything about him even before this moment but when he said this... I'm like, "no way, I really love this guy. Why isn't he real? 😭"

Idk how to explain it but I just love what he said. If you could see me when I read it, I'm cheering for him as if it was a basketball game and he shoot the ball at the three-point line and was successful. Hell yeah!!! 😎 That's my man!! Right there!!! 💙💙💙

WOW!!!

That was my reaction. 😂😂😂 I so love the employee identifier 😎💙🤣🤣🤣

I love the writer's sense of humor, in general, tbh. Hahaha 😁

I feel slightly/subtly called out...

But I'm okay with it. No biggie. I mean, it was the truth. And it was exactly what I was doing when this bubble popped up. Lmao jk 🤣🤣 so accurate (half of it at least 😬) 😭 but at least our MC is gettin' some. (Luca's route) happy for her. 🥰

If I was drinking when I read this, I would've spat my drink and choked. LOL again, I love the references. 💙💙 The kabedon, too HAHAHAHA

Is Heavenly Love somehow Tears of Themis-inspired? I kinda got that vibe when MC was explaining to Luca about childhood friends turn to lovers trope. Plus, there are 4 husbandos hehe 🤔

I love the title of the game. It's quite fun. Like if ever the game will actually be under maintenance, it'll be less effort. They just have to flash the key art and we'll know what's up. And maybe some notes under it like the date when the game will be back on. Lmao so cool.

Not to mention the trailer!!! LOL I love the trailer. It's so nice. 😂

Aaaaaaannnndddd I think that's the last of it.

TL;DR(ish) - I HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME AND I LOVE THEO SO MUCH I MIGHT CRY FOR A BIT BECAUSE HE'S NOT REAL AND IT MAKES ME SAD 😭 THEN PLAY HIS ROUTE AGAIN. 💙😂😭

(*)footnote: I always go for beer when choosing what to drink in games. Because I think it's also what I'd drink if I go to a bar. Hehe luckyyyyyy~

End. 💖💖💖

#under maintenance game #otome game

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imnotreal-png · 1 month

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>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.

#vent post #journal #diary entry #advice

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hybeboyenthusisast · 1 year

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get to know me game!!!

Tagged by @ashxxkook

Birthday: February 15th

Favorite Color: pastel pink

Do you have any pets?: 2 dogs and 1 cat <3

How tall are you?: 5'1!

How many pairs of shoes do you own?: idk, a lot

Favorite song: if i had to choose ONE song, probably July by Noah Cyrus.

Favorite movie: toss up between The Nun and The Shallows. i absolutely LOVE shark movies

Who would be your ideal partner?: well, my current partner. i love my boyfriend so much <3

Do you want children?: yes!! boys or girls, many or just one, I want to be a mother SO BAD.

Have you gotten in trouble with the law?: no im a good girl

What color socks are you wearing?: im not wearing socks right now but yesterday i wore pink socks for work

Favorite type of music: idk, kpop i guess?

How many pillows do you sleep with?: 2, sometimes 3. I sleep with my head on one pillow, another pillow between my knees or under my knees (depending on my position), and sometimes a pillow between my arms. i like cuddling something while i sleep, having something in my arms

What position do you sleep in?: most natural position is sleeping on my right side, but my cat sleeps on the left side of the bed, so its become my norm to sleep on my left side with my left arm out so my boy can come and cuddle

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?: my cat waking me up because he wants food.. he only eats if he is being petted, and its so annoying at 3 am lol

What do you have for breakfast?: honey nut cheerios

Have you tried archery?: no

Favorite fruit?: KIWI I FUCKING LOVE KIWI

Are you a good liar?: i wanna say no, but that itself is a lie. i was a chronic liar as a kid and even now, my mom will occasionally ask me if im lying about something ive told her LOL

What’s your personality type?: INFP, i think im cool : have a link

Innie or Outtie?: deep innie lol

Left handed or Right handed?: right handed

Favorite food: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i really like taco bell

Favorite foreign food?: as an immigrant, i'm choosing a dish from my home county and my parents' culture. it's a desert, kinda like donuts. Koeksisters. they're so delicious

Am i clean or messy?: a clean messy, my room is a mess but i know where things are

Most used phrase: no goddamn idea LMAO i asked three of my best friends, two of them had no idea, one answered with 'omg'

How long does it take for you to get ready?: depends on what im getting ready for. for work? 10 minutes maybe. for a date night where im getting all cute n shit? maybe 30 to 45 minutes

Do you talk to yourself?: yeah, in my head a lot, but to my cat who obviously can't really understand or answer. i also will go through make believe conversations under my breath or try accents under my breath

Do you sing to yourself?: i just sing in general, whether there's anyone listening or not

Are you a good singer?: id like to say so. i was in choir in school for like, 8 years?

Biggest fear: ......................butterflies. i dont know, ive just been terrified since i was a LITERAL baby, and even though ive tried to get over it, i fucking cannot. a butterfly comes near me, im yeeting my leg up in the air and bringing my foot down to smash that bitch.

Do you like long hair or short hair?: on me? only ever really had long hair or medium hair but ive been thinking about a pixie cut lately.

Favorite school subject: i was always really good at english and math, but geometry can suck my dick

Extrovert or Introvert?: introvert but im a natural flirt

What makes you nervous?: everything, i have generalized anxiety disorder

Who was your first real crush?: i had a crush on this boy named Lucas and I think also this guy named Christian?? when i was in like, 1st grade. i moved before i started 2nd grade so i dont really remember them and i didnt know them as i grew up. next real crush was also a guy named christian, after i moved to the city i still live in. i was like, OBSESSED with this dude. we had that little childhood romance where we were 'dating' and would hang out on the playground, and when he suddenly broke up with me i was devastated.

there's more drama with this same dude as we grew up but aaaaaaaaaa we dont gotta go into that

How many piercings?: uhhh 3. both ears pierced once, and i pierced my nose myself. i want more but, yeah, dont have them yet

How many tattoos?: 2. a heart on the back of my right shoulder, got it with my mom. then i have a feather on my right ribcage and MF IT WAS THE WORST PAIN I HAVE EVER FELT. you'd have to get me drunk or numb me up before i get that tattoo colored in or get another tattoo on my ribs.

How fast can you run?: idfk???

What color is your hair?: dark brown, lots of people think its black but, its not

What color are your eyes?: brown

What makes you angry?: easiest and fastest way to make me angry is to bring up or WORSE, FUCKING PRAISE, the movie Ready Player One. the FUCKING NOVEL IS AMAZING AND THE AUTHOR SOLD HIS FUCKING SOUL FOR A MOVIE DEAL.

Do you like your name?: eh. im used to it. there really isn't any other name that i've ever been like "i want this to be my name", at least not since i was in middle school.

Do you want a boy or a girl as a child?: either <3 id love my kiddo wholeheartedly.

What are your strengths?: is this an interview wtf man i wasnt prepared--- um, i guess that i care so much about other people, and im generally not afraid to do something that isnt the norm or popular.

What are your weaknesses?: i care too much, sometimes. i'll think with my heart instead of my brain.

What’s the color of your bedspread?: right now its like cream with red flowers

Color of your room: one wall is black, the other four are a pretty sky blue (yes i have 5 walls)

whoever sees this and wants to do it, GO FOR IT baby.

i'll tag @boba-beom @igotkpoops and i hope neither of u are annoyed by my tagging u <3

#tag game #cait's chat

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limeade-l3sbian · 1 year

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Death penalty anon is back before the year ends.

Would you be a person open to long distance relationships, if not, why? if yes, why?(I think both replies can lead to interesting answers)

What type of person would you describe yourself as IRL? Are you a giving person? Kind? Mischievous? Somber? Irritable? etc.

Do you have a skincare routine, if yes, what?

Favourite workout, if you had to choose? Taking walks is an option.

Opinion on women with anti social behavior?(also often labeled psychopathic and all that jazz)

If you could change only one thing in the world with the snap of a finger, what would it be?

How was your first kiss? And was it with someone whom you were in a type of relationship with?

Opinion on female celebrities like Taylor Swift, Beyoncé and so on who have used feminism like an aesthetic when it benefitted them but still besides that has made a career centering their art often around men.

Do you like cough drops? I think they taste like how i imagine petrol tasting. Doesn’t matter which flavor, they all have the same after affect.

Have you ever wanted to kill someone? Perhaps a severe question but I think it’s a fair one. We are human and sometimes anger and hatred takes hold of our hearts. Just don’t act on it, lol.

Sweetest person in your life growing up?

HAPPY NEW YEAR SOON ❤️

AYYYE 😤 death penalty anon back in the building !

I've actually been in one! For two years before breaking up. We were both introverts and I think the long distance thing enabled us more to not have to try so hard. On both our ends. Ultimately, I think it would be best if I didn't go into another one as I do love the more physical aspects of a relationship, not just relating to the obvious.

Mischievous 😈 jk I'm actually very low-key. I like to have two to three good friends at a time, usually have my headphones in, but ultimately the way I talk and the way I am on here is a near perfect reflection of how I am IRL. I guess I would consider myself kind as I certainly try to be. Might be corny but I genuinely live by that quote: "be the person you needed when you were younger."

Most of the time I do not touch my face. Don't even really throw water on it. I'll wash it during a shower lmao but that's kinda it

Definitely walking. I could go for miles with the right music and not even notice. I actually lost ten pounds recently bc of it!

Way more interesting than men with it, that's for damn sure.

Would just remove all women in all manners. Women's presence, influences, images, literature, all of it. Remove it all and place it elsewhere. Leave this place for good.

It was okay lmao. I don't think I'd want a relationship with her tho. She got high all the time. To the point where like, looking back I only just realized she was probably driving me home a little under the influence. But she got high so often it was hard to discern.

I think once you reach a certain level of fame, you can't help it and have to make the effort to stay grounded. But there's rarely a reason to do so unless you have the desire. I don't really know how I feel about them. I think both examples are often tone deaf and out of touch in general and make very shallow attempts at appearing as feminists. I'm not saying they're not, but I think if you really pressed them for deeper commentary, you might see them start to repeat themselves and resort to the banal quotes of "women can do anything" "women are so strong". Or maybe I'm completely wrong and if you were to grill them, they'd school ME on things. I'll have to think about that. Genuinely.

I'm 50/50 on them. And that's a more than fair way to describe them lmao

Absolutely.

I had a vegetarian, yoga loving neighbor from Panama named Zena and I could stop by whenever and she'd cut me up some fruit and let me ramble about little kid stuff, but actually engaged with me. I believe she went home years ago but I think about her sometimes. 💜

HAPPY NEW YEARS (SOON) 😤💕

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