#hi i’m the gay one help i haven’t been in this state in a while | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr is available in 18 languages.

#hi i’m the gay one help i haven’t been in this state in a while

imisscherryboy-blog · 7 months

Text

running back 2 u

enemies to lovers - football player! ajax x sports med! gn reader

part 1 part 3

spotify playlist (it’s good i swear)

3k words…………….💀

story: you and ajax have known each other since elementary school. those years haven't been always the best, as you both parted ways due to your differences in personality. that is, until one hot august night, where the stadium lights illuminate the turf, you find yourself running back to him again.

notes: !mature themes! (no smut) enemies to lovers, modern au, gender neutral reader, childe is referred to as ajax, last name tartaglia, american football, all characters are 18+ as seniors, highschool setting, part 2/3, gn reader, ajax is bi (since it’s gn), alhaitham and kaveh are gay, tbh kaveh kinda ooc imo, ajax is a bad boy ⛓️🥀 california coded

side characters featured: kaveh, alhaitham (alhaitham x kaveh), mona, albedo

warnings: mature themes, themes of sexual harassment (not described), reader almost gets kidnapped, drugs, alcohol, smoking, swearing, reader tells childe to kys (satire we in love w him)

★ part 2 of an ongoing series ★

ajax and his mom’s car drove further and further from the empty school. it was 11pm now, and you made your way back to the field to help clean up. the walk to the football field among the poorly lit school lights filled you with a sense of nostalgia—akin to how you first felt when you met ajax. you were snapped out of your thoughts as you saw kaveh jogging toward you.

“hey—you okay? what took so long?”

“oh boy.” this was gonna be a long night.

you drove kaveh and yourself to a nearby denny’s to debrief. you ordered pancakes and kaveh ordered probably the most, intricate, dish on the menu. over sharing food, you two both explained what happened while separated. you went first in retelling the events of taping him up to meeting his mom.

“he’s definitely not over you.” kaveh said taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“dude, i feel like that’s such a mom thing to say though.” you argued.

“oh yeah my son talks about you 24/7 even though you haven’t talked in years!! let’s be serious y/n.” kaveh always knew had to make you laugh.

“i’ll think about it… but i wanna know what happened with you and alhaitham.” you tried to move the conversation away from yourself.

“you will never in a million years guess what happened.” kaveh said, loudly whispering.

“okay, so i won’t guess. what happened?”

“he gave me his number.” he said as his hands flew up to his face. “i’m still in shock.”

“oh my god.” you said, almost in disbelief.

“and that’s not all.. he invited me.. to a party. his party.” at this point, kaveh was practically standing up.

“don’t even lie..” you said.

��oh i’m not lying.” he took out his phone and showed an imessage thread of alhaitham sending kaveh a date and time, along with an address. your hands covered your mouth. he was serious. “and you’re coming with me.”

“yeah right.”

“oh, you’ll be there alright.”

you were there alright. the two of you stood outside the large house, viewing the students and strangers scattered across the lawn. it had been two weeks since the incident with ajax. not a word had been exchanged since then. but you cared more about kaveh, who has always been there for you, than some now stranger that presumably hates you. so you decided to accompany him. ajax and alhaitham were close, so you knew damn well you’d be in for a long night.

“well.. my future boyfriend is waiting inside. let’s go.” kaveh said as you both walked inside. it was a big house to say the least. alhaitham’s parents were some high ranking officials for the state school board, so they had money—and the ability to pull strings at any school they pleased.

“these high ceilings… and oh my god these exposed beams..” kaveh started to ramble on about the architecture of the house. he was into that stuff. you just nodded your head and pretended like you understood. you two walked to the drink table, and you both took a shot of pink whitney (it was disgusting) and a hard seltzer as a chaser.

“’m glad you guys made it.” an unfamiliar voice could be heard behind the two of you before you turned around. it was alhaitham.

“hi alhaitham!” kaveh sounded a little too happy. you also said hi and let the two of them go. you didn’t want to third wheel so you talked to some friends that were also at the party.

you couldn’t find ajax, though.

you hated that he was the first person you wanted to look for in this crowded room.

you figured he was off with someone, but nonetheless continued to keep and eye out for him, to steer clear of him, of course.

“and i just knew off the bat he was a scorpio.” your friend in your government class, mona, said as she took a sip of her drink.

“you’re so talented.” another friend of your’s, albedo added.

“if he was a cancer, it’d be a whole other story. everyone likes cancers..” she trailed off.

ajax was a cancer.

“hey y/n, let’s go take another shot.” mona suggested. “you down?”

“sure.” you figured saying no would leave you alone. albedo followed the two of you. after a couple of shots, mona kept talking.

“weren’t you the one that went with ajax after his last game?” mona’s question snapped you out of your daze.

“oh, yeah. that was me.” you explained.

“you didn’t hear it from me, but ajax’s fan club kinda hates you now..” well that was great. you didn’t even do anything.

“oh for real?”

“mhm, i even heard you two go way back.” albedo added. how would anyone know that..? let alone care that much? you thought to yourself.

“who’d you hear it from?” you asked.

“i heard two girls talking about it in econ.” albedo nonchalantly said.

“oh.”

in that moment, you felt a pair of eyes staring at you. you looked to the right of albedo’s head and saw ajax leaning against the wall, beside another guy. the guy was looking at him and talking, but it seemed like the only thing he was focused on was you. he took a sip from his red solo cup as you both held contact for maybe a second, before he looked away. it seemed he was already staring at you.

“y/n?” mona said.

“oh, sorry. why don’t we take another shot?” you suggested. something in you wanted to forget about him for a little bit to relieve yourself of the jealousy you felt. you knew that guy was his next victim, and it made you upset that that’s the person he’s become.

you, albedo, and mona took more shots after that. mona was gone by that point, and you were pretty sure you were drunk. luckily for you, you weren’t too much of a talker when you got drunk, you just felt dizzy and tired.

“i think we should go, mona. you need to sleep.” albedo said as he ushered a tipsy mona out of the door. you said your byes and stood at the steps of the house, watching them leave. you shouted a small “text me when you’re home” to which albedo nodded. you checked your phone for the time. it was 11pm now. you figured you should go find kaveh.

you walked along the twisty halls of alhaitham’s house. it felt like everything was spinning. you just wanted to sleep. you couldn’t go home unless you found kaveh. you didn’t want to leave him, and he’d understand if you wanted to go home. you recalled you didn’t see ajax after only seeing him for a second. maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but you felt as if you were being watched. you didn’t know by who, though.

you ended up in the living room again. you sat down on the large couch next to a couple making out, keeping your distance. you put your hands on your face, rubbing your eyes and trying to stay awake. you kept telling yourself that you needed to find kaveh, but every passing second made you feel more and more tired. a short nap wouldn’t hurt, right?

and just like that, you fell asleep on the end of the couch. you would admit it’d be kinda embarrassing to fall asleep at a party like a little kid, but you couldn’t help it. you were in a daze, half asleep and half awake. you could still hear the loud music, but your body was asleep. you saw two blurry figures in front of you.

“let’s take them …”

“my house? …”

“let’s go …”

what we’re they talking about? maybe they were talking to each other. why were they looking at you though? all of a sudden, you felt yourself being lifted up by the two guys. you honestly thought it was kaveh trying to get you back home, but he wasn’t that big. you felt yourself leaning against one of the guy’s arms, as the other one held you up. you felt yourself heading for the door before another guy stopped you.

“fuck are you guys doing?” a familiar voice said.

“oh—they’re our friend. they had a little too much to drink.” the two guys laughed. that was when you realized those two men were indeed not your friends but probably two low lifes trying to take advantage of you.

“y/n you know these guys?” the voice asked you. you nodded your head ‘no’ in response. you felt yourself being pried off by the person in front of you.

“who do you think you are? huh?” the guy that was trying to kidnap you said loudly. you had a headache now. all you could feel was a warm arm around you, and your head resting on.. ajax?

“who even are you two?” you heard alhaitham’s voice now. when those two guys carried you, they felt way too big to be high schoolers, college students?

“that’s none of your fucking business. get the fuck out of our way.” one of the two guys said. you felt a hand grab for you before ajax pulled you away from them.

“it is my business dipshit, i’m the owner of this house.” alhaitham retorted. by now, there was a small crowd around the five of you.

“alhaitham take y/n upstairs, i’ll deal with them.” ajax said as you felt alhaitham after a couple seconds pick you up with ease. usually, you’d be up and well awake by now, but that pink whitney had you paralyzed. you wanted to just say you could walk, but if you did, you’d probably collapse on the spot. contrary to some beliefs, alhaitham wasn’t a bad guy. kaveh liked him for a reason. he wouldn’t jump from girl to boy like ajax did. he carried you up the stairs and stopped in front of a room, before muttering something to himself.. about kaveh? then walking to another room and placing you on a bed, before immediately leaving, shutting the door behind him. you looked around the room before falling asleep. needless to say, it was a really nice room. it had a balcony and a big tv. it was a good size and the bed was pretty comfortable. there was a sports duffel bag on a chair that had your school’s logo on it. there wasn’t any equipment in it, just clothes. were you in alhaitham’s room? you looked a little closer and saw a hoodie laid out on the edge of the bed. it had your school’s name and the number 11 on it.

number 11?

why would ajax’s hoodie be here?

your headache only got worse, especially after almost getting kidnapped. you could heard the commotion downstairs, most likely ajax trying to get those two college guys out of the party. you slowly drifted to sleep.

after what felt like a couple hours, you woke up. you felt severely hungover but you tried to ignore it. it was still dark outside, and the room was cold. too cold. you picked up your phone that was on the charger and saw the time, 4:00 am. you had a couple of notifications but none of them were from kaveh. wait, you didn’t plug your phone in before going to sleep? who plugged it in?

“sleep well?” a voice could be heard from the balcony. the door was wide open, and you looked over. ajax stood at the door to the balcony with a cigarette in his hand, wearing that same hoodie you saw before going to sleep.

“no—what’re you doing here?” you said as you rubbed your eyes, slowly getting up.

“alhaitham had the bright idea to put you in my room.”

oh.

you were in ajax’s room.

“sorry.” you said. it went quiet for a minute. “you shouldn’t be smoking.” you pointed out.

“it’s either this or the oxycontin they prescribed me.” you’d much rather have him smoking a cigarette then.

you were sitting on up on the bed now. you needed to get kaveh and go home. you still were processing the events from last—a couple hours ago.

“you kept saying my name in your sleep..” ajax said blowing a puff of smoke outside.

there was absolutely no way. you felt your face heating up, were you actually??

“just kidding.” he ghosted the smoke.

“genuinely kill yourself.” why’d you believe him so easily? that would’ve been the worst thing to happen to you that night. after almost getting kidnapped. “where’s kaveh?” you asked.

“he’s out, alhaitham’s room.”

oh my god.

you’d need to debrief again with kaveh later.

“where’s alhaitham’s room? i’m taking him and going home.” you stated as you began to look for your belongings.

“how’re you getting home?” ajax asked.

“uber.” you said.

“like an uber’s gonna accept your ride at four in the morning.”

“you gonna drive me then?”

“if it comes down to it, yeah.” why was he being.. nice?

“you shouldn’t be coming to these kind of things if you leave yourself this vulnerable.” ajax said, taking a drag of his cigarette. “you haven’t changed, y/n.”

“well you sure have.” you said under your breath.

“grow up, y/n. just because you’re stuck in the past doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing that i’ve changed.” he had a point, but you’d never say that. “we’ll never be those kids again.”

you chuckled, “at least i can stick to one person. it doesn’t seem like you’re very good at that.”

“who? you can stick to who?”

you. that’s what you wanted to say. that’s what he wanted to say, too.

“nobody—just tell me where alhaitham’s room is.” you wanted to leave. remember how you thought he was being nice?

“down the hall on your right.” ajax said, walking back to the balcony. it felt like talking to a stranger.

you followed his instructions and arrived at the door. should you knock? or just go in really slowly? you put your ear against the door, trying to listen for any, sounds you wouldn’t exactly want to hear. it sounded quiet. you reached for the door handle and slowly pushed down, but it stopped there. it was locked. you cursed kaveh in your head, once again that night. you heard ajax’s agitating, grating voice down the hall, laughing. you just rolled your eyes and tried texting kaveh.

“y/n, it’s not gonna work. just wait until morning and you guys can uber back together.” he had a point. what was a couple more hours? at least you wouldn’t be leaving kaveh either, but you’d be stuck with ajax. that’s not something you really wanted, but it was for kaveh.

“do you have any food?”

you and ajax ended up in the kitchen, eating cereal. you pushed the cinnamon toast crunch around in your bowl as you sat at the island. ajax was in front of you, pouring himself out more cereal. it was quiet for the most part. one thing about the two of you was that you’d both be too scared to be the first to do anything. but that was a long time ago.

“how’s your knee?” you made some attempt at making conversation.

“recovering. what’s it to you?” of course he just had to say something that would piss you off.

“absolutely nothing.” you responded, taking a bite of the cereal. “did you fight those college guys?”

“oh yeah the ones that tried to abduct you and you just let them?”

that pissed you off. it wasn’t your fault, if anything, it was whoever let them in.

“if you did fight them i hope they beat the shit out of you.”

“maybe you should learn how to be more careful at parties. also another reason why you shouldn’t even be here.” he retorted.

“you’re such a bitch, you know that? i came with kaveh because i’m actually a good friend. it’s not like you ever were.”

“don’t start with that shit y/n.” he looked angry now. “i saved your ass and i don’t even get a thank you?”

“thank you. happy?” ajax’s phone started buzzing, it was closer to you than to him, so you saw the text messages.

myqb😘: kaveh’s w me

myqb😘: you should talk to y/n while you have the chance 🤑

myqb😘: and help me clean my goddamn house

that’s all you saw before he took his phone back. what the fuck was with the emoji? and the name?? ajax texted him and laid his phone screen down now. he didn’t see you reading the messages. you and ajax have argued twice in one night, you started to remember why you two aren’t friends anymore. you put your hands on your head, rubbing your forehead. you felt your headache coming back.

“what’s wrong with you?” his look softened a little when he saw your face.

“nothing. just hungover.” you responded.

“you need painkillers?” it was like he read your mind.

“i’ll take some if you have any.” you admitted.

“i got opioids, cigarettes, and tylenol. your pick.” you couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“tylenol.” you said.

“you sure?” he asked. you nodded your head in response. he went upstairs to go get your pain killers. why was he doing this? his face when he saw you in pain made your heart melt. why did it seem like he still gave a fuck about you? more like you two both gave a fuck about each other. you started thinking. you helped him out, and he’s helping you. your headache only got worse.

tag list - lmk if you would like to be added :)

@zamorazz

198 notes · View notes

transsexualprions · 1 year

Text

Disabled and stuck in an abusive hell in the backwoods of wv, with no water or heat. About to be thrown out into freezing temperatures.

I’ve put this off, but I can’t anymore. I need your help.

I’m currently stuck in very rural wv on top of a mountain, with snow and ice storms now constant. I’m in a small trailer with my dog and cat on my stepdad’s property, and he is an evil, abusive, homophobic/transphobic drunk. After systematically abusing and dehumanizing me for months, even when I had a broken ankle, he’s now about to lock me out and leave me for dead in the middle of winter when I can barely walk.

For context: I never thought I’d end up back here with the man who made my childhood a living hell of fear and abuse, but unfortunately I lost my apartment and had nowhere else to go. I’m disabled and I was illegally evicted, but that’s another story…

Over the past few months he’s turned off the water, turned the electricity off when I displease him, stopped allowing my mom to bring me food or even see me, made countless threats, and has been drunkenly threatening me and calling me slurs (I am a trans/gay man), as well as making me perform demeaning work for him. It only gets worse as he finds new ways of torturing me, and my mother is the only thing that’s stopped him from kicking me out. But that’s no longer stopping him as he abuses her cruelly every day and she’s being worn down.

I have no wifi. I have no phone of my own. No contact with anyone who can help me (my boyfriend lives several states away and can only do so much). My family has abandoned me. I haven’t bathed in months and food is dwindling. My mom sneaks me her phone (what I’m using currently) so I don’t go insane, but it usually has one—maybe two bars and I can’t usually make calls with it. We’re also 40 miles from the nearest town which is just a Walmart and a shitty strip mall of nothing. On top of that I broke my ankle a little while ago and I still can barely walk. My doctor urged me to get physical therapy but I’m not allowed to go, as my stepdad doesn’t believe I even broke it in the first place.

The last straw was last night. He dragged me outside while I was in nothing but a t shirt and shorts, and forced me to shovel snow and ice around the property well into the night. He screamed at me the entire time in a drunken rage, laughing and calling me a fatass dyke, saying he hoped I’d break a leg too or my neck so he could leave me at the hospital, while forcing me to trudge through icy snow on my damaged ankle. And he will surely do it again as he takes great pleasure in my suffering.

At this point, my only hope is that my older brother will pick me up and take me back to Michigan, but his family is wishy washy as hell and have been making excuses right and left as to why they can’t actually come get me. Right now it’s because they “just don’t see how they can afford it during the holidays”. Either that or I need to somehow move to Minnesota with my bf. This is my only hope, and I am in desperate, desperate need of money to make it happen.

I’m freezing. I’m in pain, and suffering. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me or my pets and it’s terrifying. I just have to get out of here or I’m not going to make it. Please, if you have any money or kind words to spare, or even if you can only reblog this, it would mean literally everything to me.

Please don’t tag this as d*n*tion post. And, if you need further information, feel free to contact me.

P.4ypal can be found here.

#I just wanted to post this before the blackouts happen and I don’t even have this phone anymore #wv situation

572 notes · View notes

snakxreader · 4 months

Note

I know this is like SUPER gay of me but could you pretty please give us (and me) some floofty worked too hard and reader/buddy had to convince them to REST FOR ONCE

Please and thank you

A/N: HI HELLO! ITS THE BITCH WHO NEEDS A BETTER UPLOAD SCHEDULE. Thankfully, tomorrow is the last exam before break!!! And I’m gonna be on vacay the whole time so!! Lots of writing to be done! This blog is not dying anytime soon I swear on my heart.

Enough rambling. I really did enjoy writing this fanfic! I haven’t done a Floofty x Reader before, but I like to think while they’ve still got a few walls and that stubbornness…they can be open and emotional vulnerable around their parent. With that said, I hope they’ve been done justice!!

Floofty x Reader (Rest Up)

“It is 3 AM, why won’t you just go to bed?”

You watch Floofty’s tired, groggily body turn to face you, squinting like a hairless cat that had been out in the sun too long.

“I am,” they state, eyebags growing eyebags under their eyes,”Perfeeeeectly fine.”

“You’re slurring your words.”

“Irrelevant.” Floofty dimissies, waving you off. They turn back around, carefully typing while looking at the notes they took during their experiments.

You click your teeth. You loved Floofty, you really did. But you always had to be a bit concerned when they did things like this, burying themselves in their work and ignoring their mental and physical health.

“Floofty, when was the last time you even ate? Slept??” You questioned, almost like a demand.

That second of hesitation speaks volumes. “Everything,” Floofty finally answers, “-is fine.”

“Floofty.”

They avoid your eyes. “I just…I just need to finish these notes.”

“Floofty.”

“Just….” They yawned. They sighed, pushing their goggles up on their face. “…I have to do this.”

You don’t respond for a bi, letting the silence echo for a moment before sighing. You walk towards your partner and hold their paw up, gently holding it alongside your own. Floofty sighs, exhaustion in their town.

“…I just…it doesn’t feel like I’ve gotten anywjeee as of late.” They mumble. “My research is hitting a dead end, either due to my own inability to catch Bugsnax or lack of volunteers beside myself.”

“You’d know I’d help you in a heartbeat, right?”

Floofty huffs. “I don’t want to risk hurting you.”

“So you rather hurt yourself?”

They fall very quiet after that one. You nuzzle into their neck, feeling them purr softly.

“I promise to help you in someway.” You state. “But it’s late, love. Let’s go to bed.” You take a bit of pride in the bristle of their fur at the mention of the l-bomb.

“Y-you know I could care less for petnames…” They respone, a faint stutter in their voice. There’s no malice either. You’re finally able to pull the purple grumpus from their seat, taking off their bow tie and goggles.

“Was that so hard?” You ask teasingly.

“Shush.” They grumble, cozying up to you in the bed.

You giggle slightly, brushing their locs back just to kiss their forehead. “Love you, Floofty. Sleep well, ok?”

“Hmm…..Love you too.” It’s quiet, but that’s ok. Because it’s for your ears only. And so is the sound of their soft snores that drift you off to sleep right with them.

#bugsnax #bugsnax x reader #floofty fizzlebean #bugsnax floofty #floofty x reader #late night posting but honestly who isn’t up at 9 at night <- insane #but yeah I hi I thought I could churn out a few more fics before uploading hahaaaa…#I’m aware of my faults. I am trying to fix them ^^’#god this feels shorter than I thought. weird.

48 notes · View notes

purpleeivy · 7 months

Text

Day 23 of my Daily Drawing. Accomplished Psychiatrist, Loving Dad (who pretends he doesn’t love his family, but only to himself), Westalis’ best Spy, and absolutely hot as fuck, Twilight! Now known also as Loid Forger.

I love Spy X Family it’s so good. I even wrote a story that essentially stole the ending of Season 1 (Cour 2) for part of it. (Not saying what specific part cus i don’t wanna spoil it, but it’s to do with Loid meeting someone). I loved that story i’ve just not been able to write anything for ages. I really wanna. Sorry rambling I’ll do that in a bit. Critic time.

Negatives - I instantly noticed when I uploaded the image that Loid’s left eye is angled left and up, while his right eye is angled right and up. Idk how I didn’t notice that when checking over the drawing lol. Also his head shape is a teeny bit off.

Positives - Literally everything else. I love Anya’s one (shameless self reference), and it is fitting that her father’s drawing be just as good imo.

Rambles time.

I know I said yesterday I am gonna do a thing about Shallan and the stormlight archive, but I realised that that’s gonna take a lotttttt of effort, so I’m just gonna do it when I reread the books. I really want to get that perfect, even if no-one reads it, because I just think it will help me with my mental state a lot. And I’ll probably also rewrite it to be a character essay on Shallan (if I can figure out what those actually are). So if that goes well then I could potentially do the same for other Stormlight characters. (And maybe characters after that.)

Random manga recommendations. If you’re gay and or into manga, then you should read

(Yuri, and i’m 99% sure these are both completely SFW, though I haven’t read the latest chapters)

- Kimi To Tsuzuru Utakata/The Summer You Were There

- The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t a Guy At All

and

(Not Yuri but I love it anyway, it might be nsfw at some parts, I don’t really remember)

- Ikemen Joshi To Josou Danshi/While Cross-Dressing, I Was Hit on by a Handsome Guy!

I’ve been meeting up with friends more and it’s been nice, but it’s also made me realise how… not great, i’ve been feeling when im alone. I sort of got used to it so it didn’t feel as bad, but now I’m actually enjoying myself with people I like I’m seeing just how bad it is, cus im comparing this feeling to the good feeling. Idk. It’s weird, I’m not gonna go into it here (in this post, maybe i will in the future)

I’m getting super into One Piece so I’ll probably draw some of those characters. I’m only up to episode 220 or smth, so I won’t be drawing anyone from after that. (and only the Going Merry for now)

Idk if I have anything else to say, so as always.

Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, and goodnight from me.

love you all <3

(ref image)

#sketch #my art #quick sketch #my artwork #sketch art #my art <3 #artwork #drawing #ivy draws #loid fanart #sxf loid #loid forger #loid forger fanart #twilight fanart #spy x family #spy x family fanart #spy x family loid #spy x family twilight

13 notes · View notes

ace-for-eddie · 1 year

Text

Part 4

Eddie and Hopper sat on the porch waiting for Wayne to arrive.

“Listen Munson. I know we haven’t always been on the best of terms.” Hopper started.

Eddie hummed, feeling himself tense up.

Although Hopper had been instrumental in getting his name cleared of the murder charges, they hadn’t really had many conversations since. And any before usually involved Hopper reciting the Miranda rights and Eddie being shoved into the back of the police car.

“But uh… while I won’t hesitate to arrest you again.” Hopper pointed his finger in Eddie’s face. The front door swung open as Joyce walked out onto the porch.

Hopper cleared his throat and continued. “I can tell that you’ve grown up a lot, kid. And the shit this town has dumped on you isn’t right. I will do everything I can to help you in this. And if you aren’t sure what to do with this little girl… your little girl, you can… you can always come to me one Dad to another.”

Hopper placed a strong hand on Eddie’s shoulder, sniffed then nodded before walking back inside.

Eddie was stunned and simply nodded in shock.

Today was getting weirder and weirder, and given Eddie’s standard, this was next level intense.

Joyce smiled warmly and took Hopper’s place pacing a soft hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

He took a deep breath, “...okay.”

Wayne arrived in his beat up pickup concerned that Eddie was sick, hurt or had gotten into trouble somehow. He was not expecting the news that he was basically a grandfather.

He teared up a little, then started laughing. Loud.

“Shit Eds, I didn’t think you…” he stopped realizing Joyce Byers was beside them. “I didn’t think that girl… was your type,” giving Eddie a knowing look.

Eddie huffed a laugh. “She wasn’t. But I was still figuring things out 3 years ago. And it’s okay Ms… I mean Joyce already knows I’m gay. She’s safe.”

Wayne smiled at Joyce. “Thank you for being here for my boy Ms. Joyce.”

“Of course! It takes a village right?” She smiled.

“Speaking of which. When can I meet my grandbaby?” He asked. “Is it okay if…if I call her my grandbaby?”

“Wayne, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Eddie smiled and hugged his uncle. “You’re gonna love her. She’s amazing…” Eddie led the way to introduce Evelyn to her Grand-deddie Wayne.

Of course, Wayne instantly fell in love with the sweet child, reading her another book as she nuzzled against his side on the couch.

Eddie found El and Will at the table in the small kitchen and pulled up a chair.

“Hey guys, uh thanks for helping so much. Wow, this is so weird.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“She is very sweet. And she likes you a lot. You are a good Dad Eddie.” El smiled.

He just smiled and stared at the table. “Thanks Supergirl.”

“Have you told anyone else?” Will asked curiously.

“Uh…no not yet. Please don’t tell anyone though okay? I want it to come from me.”

“Of course. It’s not our story to tell.” Will smiled at Eddie using the same phrase Eddie had used when Will came out to him in recent months. Eddie offered to be there to talk if he ever needed anything. He knew how hard it could be to be gay in such a close minded town.

“I should probably tell Henderson soon though, so he doesn’t shit himself if everyone else knows first.” Eddie sighed. “Can I use your phone?”

“Of course.” Will stated.

“Are you going to tell him on the phone?” El asked.

“Yeah, why not?”

“It seems like something to tell friends in person.” She replied.

“Uh… yeah I guess so. I’ll see if he can come over.” Eddie didn’t know if he’d have the energy to deal with Dustin Henderson and a toddler today, but figured it would be worse to wait.

The phone rang a few times before Claudia answered and brought Dustin to the phone. Eddie invited him to come over to the Hopper-Byers house and waited on the porch with Will.

While Eleven and Joyce took to washing Evelyn’s clothing which reeked of smoke and something like cat urine. Joyce threw some of the pieces away immediately and decided she’d be making a trip to the children’s section at Goodwill the following day.

Dustin Henderson was dropped off at the cabin and took the steps two at a time.

“So what is so important you need to meet me at Hopper’s cabin?” Dustin rolled his eyes.

“Well, Henderson. I just wanted to congratulate you on becoming an uncle.” Eddie smiled his snarky grin while Will tried not to laugh and choke on the soda he was drinking.

“Eddie, what the hell are you talking about? I’m an only child.”

“Ouch man, didn’t know you thought so low of me. Wow. Okay nevermind.” Eddie put his hands up in defense.

“Oh, well, yeah you’re like my brother. But what do you mean… uncle? Did you get a dog or something?”

“Ew, no. That’s too much responsibility.” Eddie grimaced. “I got a kid.”

“You got a kid?”

“I got a kid.”

“Where did you get a kid Eddie?” Dustin was starting to get tired of this bullshit.

“Well DustyBun, when a guy and a girl…” Eddie started and Will just about fell off his chair.

“Shut up. What the hell did you drag me out here for?” Dustin stomped.

“No, I wanted to tell you I have a kid. A daughter actually. Her name is Evelyn.” Eddie beamed.

“You’re… you’re serious.” Dustin started to smile. Eddie nodded.

“How? When?”

“That’s a longer story…” Will stated from behind Eddie. “Sit down.”

Dustin peeked through the cabin window to see Eddie’s uncle Wayne sitting on the couch napping with a toddler and his eyes grew incredibly wide along with his smile.

“You want me to be… her uncle?” He teared up.“Yeah, man. Just feels right.”

“Holy shit…tell me everything.” Dustin plopped down to hear about Eddie’s news.

#eddie munson is a dad #Deddie Eddie #dustin stranger things #will stranger things #el stranger things #hopper stranger things #joyce stranger things #wayne stranger things

12 notes · View notes

cyarskj1899 · 7 months

Text

Twitter reacts to guilty convictions in Ahmaud Arbery trial

Travis McMichael, Gregory McMichael and William “Roddie” Bryan Jr. were found guilty of felony murder.

Social media users are reacting to the guilty convictions of Ahmaud Arbery’s killers in the 25-year-old’s death trial.

On Wednesday (Nov. 24), the jury ruled that Travis McMichael, Gregory McMichael and William “Roddie” Bryan Jr. were guilty of felony murder and other charges in Arbery’s tragic death. Many have since taken to Twitter to share their reactions.

“Thank God. Justice has been served for Ahmaud Arbery and his classy family,” said @bridgeclip. “How sad what they have had to endure. Prayers answered.”

@KaiBanksX shared well wishes to Arbery’s mother, Wanda Cooper-Jones, while acknowledging the work that still needs to be done in the country. “I pray this brings you SOME peace. Because nothing can heal a broken heart or absence of a son!” she said. “This is just [a] triumph for us! WE STILL GOT FAR TO GO!”

In another tweet, NYC Public Advocate Jumaane Williams said the verdict brought some “semblance of justice,” adding prayers for Ahmaud’s family and for an overall change in the country.

As previously reported by REVOLT, the McMichaels and Bryan were charged with nine counts in connection to the murder of Arbery, who they confronted amid his jog. Travis, who fatally shot the 25-year-old, was found guilty of malice murder, aggravated assault, false imprisonment and criminal attempt to commit a felony in addition to his felony charge.

Gregory, who confronted Arbery alongside his son, was found guilty of felony murder, aggravated assault, false imprisonment and criminal attempt to commit a felony, and Bryan, who blocked the Black man with his car and recorded the encounter, was convicted of felony murder, aggravated assault, one count of false imprisonment and one count of criminal attempt to commit a felony.

As users rejoiced in the news and sent prayers to Arbery’s family, @newsworthy17’s tweet reminded others that the three men will go to trial again in February as they face federal hate crime charges connected to Arbery’s death.

See the reactions to the verdict in Ahmaud Arbery’s murder trial below.

I am working toward embracing abolition because I know prison isn’t working but these three men can sit in prison and think about what they did. For a long time. For about as long as Ahmaud Arbery will rest in, I hope, peace. — roxane gay (@rgay) November 24, 2021

I still haven’t watched the footage of #AhmaudArbery being murdered. I still can’t. But today I watched some semblance of justice. I pray for some measure of comfort for his family, and of change for the country that saw him killed for the crime of being a Black man in America. pic.twitter.com/8x9XRv9tOO — Jumaane Williams (@JumaaneWilliams) November 24, 2021

Verdict in … Guilty, but the system is still trash and needs an overhaul. — Jamira Burley (@JamiraBurley) November 24, 2021

I want to remind people that while the state trial is finished, save sentencing, the federal hate crimes trial will begin in February. #AhmadArberyhttps://t.co/Ss2mJm3QPy — Raisa, an angel among demons (@newsworthy17) November 24, 2021

Thank God. Justice has been served for Ahmaud Arbery and his classy family. How sad what they have had to endure. Prayers answered. — Liz Carter (@Bridgeclip) November 24, 2021

Ahmaud Arbery may your soul be blessed with peace. Continue to rest baby. Justice was served 🤍 #AhmaudArbery — Charity 🧘🏾‍♀️ (@___cem) November 24, 2021

Justice for Ahmaud Arbery! It won’t bring him back but I hope this helps his loved ones deal with the loss a little better. My heart aches for all of them. — Saundra Dee digs Joe (Cool) Biden! 😎💙I’m VAXXED! (@SaundraDee7) November 24, 2021

Someone still need to be held accountable for it taking 74 days before a charge. #AhmaudArbery — Andre Quarantina (@JosefAnolin) November 24, 2021

Ahmaud Arbery’s killers were ALL found GUILTY! As it should! Ahmaud mother, YOUR son mattered…HIS LIFE mattered. I pray this brings you SOME peace. Because nothing can heal a broken heart or absence of a son! This is just ☝🏾 triumph for us! ❤️🙏🏿 WE STILL GOT FAR TO GO! ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿 — Kαι Bαɳƙʂ (@Kai_BanksX) November 24, 2021

Sent from my iPhone

0 notes

cyarsk52-20 · 9 months

Text

Twitter reacts to guilty convictions in Ahmaud Arbery trial

Travis McMichael, Gregory McMichael and William “Roddie” Bryan Jr. were found guilty of felony murder.

Social media users are reacting to the guilty convictions of Ahmaud Arbery’s killers in the 25-year-old’s death trial.

“Thank God. Justice has been served for Ahmaud Arbery and his classy family,” said @bridgeclip. “How sad what they have had to endure. Prayers answered.”

In another tweet, NYC Public Advocate Jumaane Williams said the verdictbrought some “semblance of justice,” adding prayers for Ahmaud’s family and for an overall change in the country.

See the reactions to the verdict in Ahmaud Arbery’s murder trial below.

I still haven’t watched the footage of #AhmaudArberybeing murdered. I still can’t. But today I watched some semblance of justice. I pray for some measure of comfort for his family, and of change for the country that saw him killed for the crime of being a Black man in America. pic.twitter.com/8x9XRv9tOO — Jumaane Williams (@JumaaneWilliams) November 24, 2021

Verdict in … Guilty, but the system is still trash and needs an overhaul. — Jamira Burley (@JamiraBurley) November 24, 2021

Thank God. Justice has been served for Ahmaud Arbery and his classy family. How sad what they have had to endure. Prayers answered. — Liz Carter (@Bridgeclip) November 24, 2021

Ahmaud Arbery may your soul be blessed with peace. Continue to rest baby. Justice was served 🤍 #AhmaudArbery — Charity 🧘🏾‍♀️ (@___cem) November 24, 2021

Someone still need to be held accountable for it taking 74 days before a charge. #AhmaudArbery — Andre Quarantina (@JosefAnolin) November 24, 2021

Sent from my iPhone

1 note · View note

insanechayne · 9 months

Text

Things to tell Chandler:

~7/28 (12am-6am)

Apparently we have a doorbell somewhere in the ER? I heard it chime but idk who pushed it or where the button is or where the sound came from

My TikTok is kinda boring tonight, not as many fun videos as usual. But I did find one guy that takes suggestions of drinks to carbonate (really awful stuff, like certain types of alcohol or straight up milk) and then he tries them for everyone to see. His reactions are hilarious. Of course he’s from fucking Alabama. Your state is very well represented haha. But I’ve also seen a lot of videos of people dressing up as horror movie villains (like Michael Myers/Ghostface/etc.) and doing silly dances and shit like that, which is just fun

Earlier when Bree was here she was looking for something to show me on her phone and things were quiet for a moment, and through the closed door between us and the nurse’s station we hear Erika just saying “I just want to string profanities!” We busted up laughing so hard. I still don’t know what she was going on about with that

I don’t know if this is actually popular in some way, or if I happened to stumble upon it by being mentally ill, but there’s this specific niche of guys on TikTok (well I actually think it’s only 2 guys, literally) that have been making gay country songs. And I mean very graphic, full of gay sex country songs. But they’re also really good! These guys have a good sound and rhyming ability, so the whole thing is just fucking crazy.

~7/28 (3pm-12am)

Took mom to dinner, we went to this place called Horizon View Restaurant. Food was ok, a bit pricey for the quality. It’s one of those “it’s ok for Moab” type places. Unfortunately that’s most of what’s out here. Nothing is really great or stands out much. Like it’s not bad, it’s just not the standard of quality we’re used to coming from California. But it was still nice to go out for dinner with her. I like being around my mom and talking to her, we have a pretty good relationship despite the issues from my childhood. And I think it helped her to destress a bit, just to be able to go out and talk about all the nonsense and all that. I’ve got leftovers for dinner tonight, and I remembered to bring a cookie from home, so that’s nice. And I bought food for her to take home to my stepdad. She says “oh it’s too much, you didn’t have to buy Robert’s food too, let me send you money” and she just needs to stop 😅 Money will come and go, we only got one life so we may as well enjoy some of it when we can. And of course I had to buy food for Robert, he’s my stepdad and he was busy doing yard work and couldn’t come with us, so he deserves something too. But then we went to get Starbucks and she bought mine there, so it evened out 😂

Work is nice and quiet at the moment. It’s weird though, my doctor is in the ER here. I haven’t actually seen her or gone to her room or whatever, just see her on the board list of all the patients. I hope she’s alright. I’ll talk to her when she goes to leave, I’m sure.

Decided to read an actual book while also working through the short stories book. I think that’ll be manageable, reading one big story and then if I’m bored or tired I can go on to the smaller ones. Hopefully that works out, cause I do want to get through the short stories, but I’m not enjoying it enough to focus solely on them. But the book I grabbed to start was one I just bought when I was in junction, and it’s very highly rated/recommended on TikTok and in the horror community, and I’ve been wanting to read it for a really long time. The plot sounds pretty interesting so I’m very hopeful for it being good. And I think it has pictures, too!

I’m supposed to watch this documentary movie for therapy, something about this one therapist’s theories about mental health or whatever. I keep putting it off, but it’s only like an hour and a half, so I should probably get to it soon. But at the same time one of my favorite shows recently premiered their 5th season, and I’m 3-4 episodes behind, so I wanna get caught up on that too. I technically have plenty of time, but it’s like I just can’t focus these days. I gotta try to get back into all this, maybe just watch stuff little by little. Do 10-15 minutes at a time and then take a break if I have to, or if I feel like I’m drifting while watching. I don’t know.

Urgent Care is pissing me off lately. I think they’ve got some new people down there, maybe people doing training for licenses or whatever, getting experience and all that. And I think that’s great and everything, but half the time they won’t call us before just bringing a patient down to check in with ER. A lot of the time they’re bringing us the most ridiculous shit as it is, things that could definitely be taken care of in UC, so that’s already frustrating for everyone. But lately there’s this one guy who just wheels patients down to me to be checked in and nobody ever calls beforehand or anything, which they’re supposed to do. I know it seems like a small thing, and it kinda is, but the point of them calling let’s me alert my nurses and get a room/chart prepped for the patient while they’re being brought down. And it gives them a feel for what they’re going to be working with, which can dictate what room to put them in or if they’ll need to wait because something more serious is here, stuff like that. This one guy always brings down people who decided not to actually check in to UC, too, which is weird to me. I get maybe someone doesn’t know where to go to get better care, or they’re worried about insurance and copays and all that, but if they decide not to check in to UC and come to ER instead then they can (usually) just walk on over to where we are. Especially if they parked in front, since our lot is in back, and they probably won’t want to walk so far after they get discharged here. I don’t know, it’s not really a big deal, it’s just annoying me lately. Mostly I just want them to call and give me a heads up that someone is coming, regardless of whether or not that person actually checked into UC. But I also don’t want to be rude to this guy who’s trying his best and hasn’t been here very long. He’s always a little nervous/shy trying to give me report on the patient anyway, so I feel bad and want to just be nice. Getting upset with him won’t help the situation for any of us, you know?

Have you ever started a book that you knew immediately you were going to love? A book that felt specifically For You, where so many little details pique your interest and feel like they were written just for you to read them? That’s how I feel about the book I just started. It’s called Hidden Pictures, and yes there are actual pictures in the book! But all these little details are pinging in my brain as I was reading the first chapter, and the author’s style has a very natural and organic feel to it, flows very well. I can’t wait to get deeper into this book, cause so far it reads great.

We got a call from a tour guide saying he was going to bring someone in who wasn’t feeling well in their group, but that she doesn’t speak any English and has a foreign insurance. Not really a big deal overall, but our process for foreign patients is screwed up and nothing is really set in place or fixed. So we’re supposed to charge them after their visit, give them a receipt, and then they call their insurance and the insurance will reimburse them. Which would all be fine and dandy except we still have no way to put charges into the system to see how much they cost, do a total, enter the codes in for billing, or anything else. I don’t even know if that stuff is set up in Meditech yet. We have a “cash drawer” in Meditech that we can open and close and apparently charge things to, or collect money in, but nothing else is set up. So how can I complete this process and get the patient charged and all that if we have nothing set up and no procedures in place? Management keeps saying they’ll fix this and get us a set process, but of course nothing happens. But if we don’t do this shit then I bet you they’ll be like “why wasn’t the patient charged at discharge?” Just frustrating. Most I can do is have the nurses fill out paper charge sheets, which I can then scan and email to my boss who can figure it out with billing. Hopefully that’ll be good enough. I’ll have to mention the fact that there’s no way to put charges in or anything still, too. Ugh.

A lady came in saying she may have been gently bitten or scratched by a bat. Simple procedure, we just check them in for a rabies vaccine basically. But the interesting part of this story is that her husband caught the bat and they put it in a little glass jar and she’s convinced she needs to turn it over to the health department to check it for rabies. Krissy wouldn’t let them bring it into the hospital, for good reason. She kept telling them to let it go outside, but the lady kept saying she wanted to keep it. So her husband just went to put the jar and bat back in their car. Wild times

~7/29 (12am-8am)

So that weird call I got earlier about the foreign patient ended up not coming in, at first. The guy said they’d be getting a ride or an Uber or something but then never showed up. Couple hours later we got an ambulance page for someone who sounded like this patient, but then within like ten minutes dispatch said the ambulance was then cancelled. So we all kind of ignore it for a while, until about 2:30am when we get another page for that same patient, apparently this time they want to come in to the hospital for sure. So they get here and everything is fine, and I can hear the nurses talking about the situation, and apparently there was some kind of miscommunication all those hours earlier with dispatch and EMS, somehow they got the idea that the patient didn’t want to come in before or was going to come in by their own vehicle. So basically this patient was waiting in the lobby of their hotel for hours and hours for this ambulance that obviously never showed up until they decided to call for it again. If that were anyone other than a foreign patient that would be a huge lawsuit against EMS. But since she’s from out of the country I feel like she won’t even think to try to pursue anything, since it’d be a hassle for her. Which is really lucky for them. Just a terrible situation and we all feel awful for this patient having to suffer for so long

It’s crazy, we have no patients admitted on the main floor right now. I don’t know if that’s ever happened before, certainly not while I’ve worked here. I mean it’s great for the community and people not being so severely sick/hurt, but still very odd overall. So you got Med Surg nurses coming over here to talk and hang out (and sometimes jump in to help with patients) because they’re bored. Just got people sitting around doing fuck all over there. I mean truthfully that’s what I do, too, but still at least with my job there’s always the possibility that I’ll have to jump into action and actually do some work. Wild times we’re in here

~7/29 (3pm-12am)

A patient’s visitor had to come in and out a few times, but they were pretty nice, and I have the button now so I didn’t mind. They brought a little doggie in who was super sweet and cute. He held the dog up to the glass at my desk so I could wiggle my fingers under our little slide-through opening, and doggie leaned down to lick my finger 🥰 Anyhow, dude was finally leaving for good and as he was walking by he said he really loved my hair color, which was so nice to hear.

~7/30 (12am-9am)

Idk what all is going on with dispatch right now. Sometimes it’s hilarious to hear what they’re saying over the radios, though, since our police scanner picks everything up. So here’s a snippet I heard while scrolling TikTok earlier: Person A “Ohhh don’t say that out loud.” Person B “we’re all just trying to be more like you, sir.” Person C “L O L” (like they literally said it like ‘ell oh ell’ I’m not kidding)

I’m quite tired, and in my sleepy state I had a rather hilarious vision come to me. I don’t know what the future holds, but should I ever get married (whether to Bree or someone else) then obviously you’re gonna be one of my bridesmaids. We can think of a different title for the position, but I’m still absolutely going to put you in a dress like my other girls. Just for the actual ceremony, and just for the joke of it. It’s something I used to talk about doing with a different male friend of mine years and years ago (he’s gay, and we’re no longer friends, but he always rebutted by saying he’d make me wear a tux to be his groomsman, and I always agreed). So I got an image of you in a lovely satin, emerald green dress, strapless because that’s funnier, maybe some ruffle at the hemline? Holding a lovely bouquet of flowers, of course. Can you imagine? Ohh gave me a good laugh, so I hope it made you laugh too 😋

~7/30 (6pm-12am)

Since Bree and I became official I decided to just bite the bullet and tell dad right away so that I could get it over with. He took it better than I expected, actually. No yelling or screaming or anything like that. Of course I still got a bit of a lecture about it being a sin and how he’s going to pray for me everyday and shit like that. I think he took it personal in some way, saying stuff like “it makes me feel like I didn’t raise you right”, as if being gay is so horrendous, like I’m a murderer or something 🙄 but the whole thing only took about 15 minutes, he was quiet and calm, and then it was over. We agreed to just not talk about it, which is fine by me cause I really don’t care what he thinks anyway. But of course he says that he had a feeling and kind of knew anyway when she’d been over the other day (when we did the day trip to Cortez, she came inside briefly to meet/pet Jess). So if he wants to think he’s so special and observant and knew about us already then whatever, I’ll let him have that. I’m just glad it’s done with and I don’t have to keep worrying about it anymore 😮‍💨

We watched Venom 2: Let There Be Carnage, and that was pretty fun. The Venom movies have kind of a cheesy feel to them, very easy to watch and you don’t have to focus super intently, so even though I was kinda tired I was still able to enjoy it. I do love those big, ridiculous CGI fights, like in Deadpool 2 when Juggernaut fights Colossus, or pretty much everything in Transformers movies ha. So if you haven’t watched the Venom movies I’d definitely recommend them, they’re very fun 😊

~7/31 (7am-12am)

Woke up off and on through the night, couldn’t seem to get very comfortable, and damn cramps in my calf kept waking me up. I woke up for a little while around 7am, moved to the big recliner, took about an hour to fall asleep again, then I was mostly out around noon. Somehow I’m still a little tired 😅 but I’ve got a full day to just do nothing and relax by myself and not even leave the house, so I’m very pleased with that

I saw that the theatre in Moab now has Haunted Mansion, and they’re still playing the Barbie movie. So depending on showtimes this weekend, I asked Bree on a double movie date on Saturday, hopefully that’ll all work out nicely. I also asked my mom about having Bree over for dinner sometime, have my stepdad cook for us. She said it would be a nice idea so we’ll talk to Robert about that this week and see when we can plan something out 😊

Since we became official yesterday, Bree and I were talking about family’s reactions, cause I wanted to let her know about telling my dad. Her family is certainly much more supportive, and I’ve already met her parents since things just worked out that way with the Cortez trip and everything, and they’re both super sweet. So she said they were happy for us, and that her mom was like “I knew it!” 😂 And she said her grandma wants to meet me, so I’ll have to come over for dinner at her house sometime (Bree lives with her grandma and is a part-time caretaker, like how I am for my dad), which is why I then thought about having Bree over to mom and stepdad’s. But the response from almost everyone has been very positive and congratulatory, which is kind of a relief to me.

Bree already said yes to the movie date idea, that was quick 😂 I’ll have to wait for the theatre to post showtimes for Saturday, but the plan so far is to go see Barbie and Haunted Mansion, then go out for dinner after the movies. One of us will pay for movies and popcorn/snacks, the other will pay for dinner, and it all works out great ☺️ this’ll be a fun day, I’m super excited for those movies, but it’ll also be the longest date we’ve been able to have so far and really spend more time with each other, since most often we only have an hour or two because of our schedules. So I’ll write up an update for you after that takes place haha

I have a screenshot to go along with this, cause I think it’s cute, but Bree and I made matching posts on Facebook to announce our relationship 💖 I’ll send the pic at some other point in time, but didn’t want to forget to tell you about it

Going back to the date for a minute, cause I’m a bit excited about it, to say the least. I’ve been thinking about it all day, planning things out (I’m very Type A and need to plan everything down to the last detail basically). I’ve already got my outfit decided on, and a makeup look to go with it. I know I don’t need to like dress up or anything, and she doesn’t either, but it’s like… I kinda wanna impress her a little bit, you know? I know that’s probably kind of silly, since we’re already together and everything, but still. Plus then if we decide to take pictures together I’ll look good for them 😅😂

This whole relationship thing is a little crazy to me, really. I’m still kind of wrapping my head around all of it and trying to get it to set in. I’m just so awestruck all the time, thinking to myself “I have a girlfriend”, and it’s so brand new and it makes me feel tingly when I do think about it. And just how easy it’s been and everything, how we fell into it so naturally, and we both are pretty in tune with each other and are on the same level of intensity about things. I have to keep reminding myself that she likes me, and she already has seen me at times where I wasn’t at my best (like coming to work in pajamas, no makeup, hair up, tired as shit, basically how I am at least once or twice in my workweek anyway ha), and that never changed her perception of me. I still get stuck sometimes, thinking to myself that she can do better and things like that, you know how my anxiety can get. But I’ve found it a lot easier to pull myself away from those thoughts with her, since she did like me for a long time before I got the courage up to ask her out. And even that I can’t believe. Someone liked me? When they saw all the weird, not great parts of me? When I wasn’t wearing makeup or trying to look my best? Someone *still* likes me?? Someone wants to be with me despite all of that?? That’s what’s crazy to me. That’s what I can’t wrap my head around sometimes and I have to keep trying to get it to set in. And her and I have talked about some of this, not necessarily to this level, but I did explain to her that I get really bad anxiety and need a lot of reassurance, that I’ll probably ask her sometimes about still wanting to be with me, etc., and she’s ok with all of that. She has similar issues, and we both know I’m very overbearing in telling someone how much I care about them, so it won’t exactly be hard for me to shower her with kind words and assurances and all of that. It’s funny, when we were just friends I used to say that “we have the same ADHD, and we’re the same type of gay.” Should have taken that as a sigh to ask her sooner, huh? 😅

Sorry for babbling so much about this relationship stuff. I’m sure by this point in reading this huge thing you’re already annoyed. And I can almost guarantee it will get worse as the days go on (six days is a very long time, especially when I’ve not got much of a life and too much time to think). But thanks for giving me the push I needed to actually ask her out, cause it worked out really well for me. I appreciate all your support. You’re a damn good ally 🏳️‍🌈

Onto some not great news, my mom got fired. I don’t know what all led up to it today, but I do what’s been happening this whole time and frankly it just sounds like a lot of discrimination against her. I hope she contacts a lawyer because I’m sure she’d have a good case that she could proceed with. Just hope things work out for her soon, I know she’s been applying to lots of jobs recently anyway cause she was feeling this was going to happen a while ago. So I just hope it works out for the better. There’s not much else I can do, really. I don’t think I could even pitch in for bills, or at least not much anyway, since I still have to pay for my own house and bills and food, etc., and sometimes the budget is kinda tight as it is (not like I’m getting a bunch of overtime every week in normal circumstances). But I’ll talk to her about it when I see her Wednesday, see if there’s a way I can help at all.

~8/1 (12am-1am)

I hope you’re having a wonderful time on vacation. It’s definitely hard not talking to you, since I have less to occupy my time. I have to keep reminding myself not to constantly refresh my tumblr waiting for a message from you 😅 got so used to it, it’s just a habit now, so I’m trying to break out of that for a while. Miss you a bunch already. But as long as you’re having fun and getting to rest and have a break, that’s what’s most important 🙂 can’t wait to hear about everything when you get back, I’m counting the days haha

Dad finally decided to re-watch the Saw movies with me, so we watched the first two today (or technically yesterday, I guess by this time). Hadn’t seen the first one in so long I’d kinda forgotten a lot of the little details, so it was cool to experience it again. I remembered a lot more of the second one, but it was still fun to watch again and relive it a bit. Dad and I were reminiscing about the first time we watched them when I was a kid (since the first Saw came out in 2004, and I was about 9-10 depending on what month we actually ended up watching it). Growing up we always bonded best over horror movies, because it was special getting to see them as a kid when nobody else you knew was allowed to watch that stuff, and if we were watching a horror movie I knew I wasn’t in trouble for anything and we weren’t going to fight, we’d just get snacks and enjoy the bloodshed. I recently came to that revelation in a therapy session a couple months back, that those memories and rare good times are a big part of what contributes to my love of horror and why it’s so special to me. Idk maybe I mentioned that before, I can’t remember. But in any case, watching the Saw movies again gives me those good memories and happy feelings. Which I guess is kinda weird when you consider how much gore there is in them. It is what it is now 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I know they’re not your thing, I’m not saying any of this to try to prod you into watching them. Just sharing the happy stuff, you know

But speaking of Saw, on that first day Bree and I were together when we were driving back from Cortez we were talking about horror and stuff, and I was talking about how much I love Saw, and she said she’s never seen any of them either. I was telling her how excited I was for the new one and she said “so you’re saying I have to catch up on all the others before we go see the new one together, right?” Which was so adorable/sweet, in my opinion. And gory stuff doesn’t bother her at all, so I think she’ll be fine watching them. So yeah I’m pretty sure I can get her to watch them with me soon, too. And frankly I’ll marathon Saw any damn day of the week, won’t ever say no to watching those movies (I really am sick in the head huh? 😂). But this I’m mentioning because I thought it was cute the way she talked about catching up, and insinuating that we’d go see the new one on a date. She’s wonderful 😊

~8/1 (6am-12am)

Didn’t sleep super great, again. I got to cuddle Jess for a while, which was nice, but I woke up pretty stiff/sore. Moved to the recliner but couldn’t really fall back to sleep, mostly just rest my eyes and stretched out there for about an hour and a half. I did have this very silly dream at some point though. You finally said you’d be ok exchanging phone numbers so we could just like text and stuff, and you said “I’ll give you one day to send me as many stupid TikToks as you want, but only one day and then we gotta limit it” so I just went fucking wild 😂 I swear I must have sent you like 150, which you were kind enough to watch and react to all of them. I think it took you like two hours to get through them all, but you did it. So that was just funny

Had my therapy session this morning, which went pretty well. I’m learning to be more positive and have good changes and growth, so he thinks I’m doing great overall. We’re finding that I’m really internalizing the lessons and tools we discuss in therapy, and using them to make changes to my life overall so that I’m living happier and healthier, whereas other patients have some trouble with that and need to focus to get those lessons to become more natural for them. I was doing it without even realizing it, so that’s great news. Sometimes I don’t recognize the positive changes I’ve made until we hold up the mirror for me to see, but at least they’re there. Next week we’re going to do a trauma intensive session where we really go through one traumatic event (in this case we’ll be discussing my homelessness) and work through that. It’s blocked out for 2 hours, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m kinda excited, really, cause I’ll finally get to purge so much of this shit stuck inside from going through all that.

Aside from just therapy I’ve had a rather full day (for me, anyway). I also had a different doctor’s appointment, then had to go to the post office and pharmacy. And at the post office they gave me the wrong package and I didn’t realize it at first, so once I caught that I had to go back in to get the right package instead. Finally home, it’s about 1pm now, and I’m just completely exhausted. Idk why but I feel so wiped out, and my eyes are so tired. I’m gonna try to take a nap in a bit, I think.

I hope you’re out doing a bunch of fun stuff, or maybe just getting to relax for a while since you need some rest, too. Ugh I miss you terribly. Is it Sunday yet? 😅

I took my nap and now I feel much better and more rested. I had some leftover chili cheese fries from the place we went to for lunch, which was even good cold 😋 and dad and I are planning to watch Saw 3 soon. Just gonna try to run through the whole series before the new one comes out, because I know he’s going to want to try to see it in theatres with me if he’s able. Have to see if he loses enough weight to be able to go to a theatre and handle walking around, stuff like that. But he did actually start his diet again recently, so hopefully he’ll stick to it and get healthier here little by little. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can with buying better food and such, so you know. Anyway, I digress, not gonna go on and on

Speaking of Saw, I got my purse today! I haven’t opened the box yet, so I’ll write up another little update once I do, but at least I got the package and don’t have to keep tracking it all the time now. I’m super excited to switch everything into it now

Also found that if I word things in a certain way with my dad he’s much more receptive/supportive about things (at least as much as he can be). So if I just say something like “Bree and I are planning to go see these movies on Saturday, so I probably won’t be home until Sunday morning”, he won’t get upset about it and will just say “that’s good, you deserve to have fun.” It kind of bridges the gap between us now. We both know Bree is my girlfriend, but not saying it that way makes it easier for him to accept, I think. It’s not a perfect situation, and I don’t know that I’ll ever really get acceptance from him on this, but right now it’s progress and the best I can hope for. Some years ago it would have been a huge fight, and he would have kept prodding at me and bringing it up to yell at me and try to make me breakup with her, so I guess I can be thankful that he’s made enough strides in personal growth that it doesn’t have to be like that. I still do feel a little weird/nervous even mentioning her name, simply because the knowledge of the relationship is out there, and I worry it’ll trigger something and make him huff or say something rude. But so far that hasn’t happen, so I’m trying to let it go.

Oh this reminds me, swinging back to my therapy for a moment, my therapist was at first kinda shocked to hear about Bree. He was like “what? When did this happen? Who’s Bree?” And I had to laugh. I went through the whole thing, and I know I’ve mentioned her before but not like a ton since I’m always talking about myself, of course, so I guess he forgot her name in combination with how many other friends I’ve mentioned before. I had to explain how things just kind of fell together, because he was surprised I’d never mentioned these types of romantic feelings towards her or going on dates or anything. I had to keep being like “it just happened, bro, like a week ago” 😂 but in any case he thinks that is awesome, and a great positive change in my life and something to be proud of for stepping up and asking her out myself, which is really nice to hear

I was thinking about you a bit today (though when am I not, really? 😅), just in like wondering what you’re up to on vacation and stuff like that. I’ve got a vision of my head of you smiling and being happy, and that makes me smile to think of 🙂

I finally opened the package for my new purse and it looks amazing! I’ll send pics later on (when you’re back around here), but I’m really so happy with this purchase. It’s a lot bigger than I expected, since a lot of these novelty bags can be pretty small and barely hold anything inside. But this one has a decently large holding area, with a side pouch inside. I think I might even be able to still fit a book inside along with all my other things. I’ll have to try that tomorrow when I move everything else into it. Can’t wait to walk into work with this creepy ass purse, freak out the nurses 😂

Also got around to washing my hair. I know it’s kinda gross to wait so long, but I wanted to go a full week to let the color really set into my roots and let my natural oils come back into my scalp, since bleaching is pretty harsh. So far there’s been minimal leaking of the color during washing, and it still looks pretty vibrant even after using shampoo and conditioner and all that. The stylist I went to did a great job, I’ll probably go back to her the next time I want to do a color, too. I’m thinking maybe bright purple in November? For my birthday haha

~8/2 (12am-2:30am)

I’m super awake all of a sudden. I thought my warm shower would relax me, since I was doing all my nice skincare and stuff, but it seems to have done the opposite 😬 ah well, I suppose I can stay up a bit since I don’t have any specific time I need to go back to mom’s house, really. As long as I’ve got enough time to pack lunch before work I’m good. But I’ve been finding it so hard to sleep lately, so who knows what’ll happen, regardless of how I try to plan things out. Maybe I should try to go to mom’s early, that way I have time to talk to her about what happened with work and see if I can make her feel a little better or something 😕

Definitely not looking forward to work tomorrow, but then when am I ever? And I like my job, really. I’m just still kinda worn out in general, I think. I was doing so much on my mini vacation that I didn’t really have much time to rest at all. Would have been nice to have had a full day in the hotel, just ordering pizza or other takeout, watchinf something silly on tv, reading, all that good stuff. I’ll have to try to plan for that next time I get to do something like that. Work won’t be so bad, I guess. Only 3 days cause this is my short week, and then Saturday I’ll get to watch movies and have dinner with Bree, and I’m very excited for that, so I’ve got something to look forward to 😊 I’m gonna try to finish this book I’m on, too. I’ve got 3 days, should be fine to finish it out, especially since I am enjoying it. Oh and I should try to get caught up on one of my shows that started again recently… already putting too much on myself, and then I’ll end up doing nothing, so I should stop now and just breathe 😅

Sorry for babbling so much here, and in general. I know none of this stuff is really all that important, some of it’s probably kinda boring/annoying to you by now. It is pretty hard for me not to get to talk to you, so this is the easiest way for me to kind of fill that void. Though maybe expecting you to read all this isn’t really fair of me… but I know I’d forget so much of this if I just wanted to talk to you when you got back, especially with so much to catch up on and wanting to hear all about your trip and everything. And it would definitely be shitty if I were just spamming you all day while you’re off trying to have fun. But I still kinda feel like this big long message is a bit of a burden on you to try to read and respond to (not that I expect you to respond to every little thing, or even most of this, since a lot of this is just me talking or telling you a silly story). The thing is, I know you *will* read it. You’re the only person I can really trust to read everything I send to you, no matter what, which really means a lot to me. You always make me feel heard and appreciated and respected. I hope I do the same for you. And I think maybe because I know I can count on you for that, that’s why I feel a little guilty about doing this. Ah I don’t know. Just stuck in my feelings again, you know me. I’ve come too far now to stop or try to delete all this or anything, so I guess you’ll just have to deal with it 🤷🏼‍♀️

But also, I wanna say thanks for always making time for me. Even when you were super busy cleaning and getting everything ready before the vacation, you still took the time to talk to me every day when you could, and I can’t even really put into words how much that matters to me. Yeah I miss you, yeah I wish I could talk to you more often overall, but the weight of those actions overshadows the other stuff. I really am just glad to be a part of your life every day, and have you in mine. Wish I could hug you for real, but guess this’ll have to do 🫂

Idk why I’m all mushy right now. Though I guess this is how I usually am anyway, so not like you aren’t used to me. But still. I’ve been a little overwhelmed with emotions lately, dealing with a lot of stuff swirling around in my head and all that. I won’t get into it, I know you don’t want to hear about this, just saying it’s contributing to my being a little sweeter right now 😅 you do deserve to hear this stuff, though. You’re my best friend for a reason. You really are such a wonderful person, and I care very much for you.

Alright I’ll stop all that for now before I say something we’ll both regret ha

I’m trying this new sleep mask thing, not one of those ones that goes over your eyes but like a cream mask (skincare thing), it’s meant to be an overnight moisturizer. You apply a thin layer, rub into your skin, let it dry, leave it on all night, then rinse face in warm water in the morning. So it’s all dry and everything by now, and it’s already left my skin pretty soft and smooth. Some parts of my face can get pretty dry, but this makes everything feel evened out, which I really like. And it smells pretty cause it’s lavender and chamomile 😌

I am kinda hungry though, but I don’t have anything to snack on. I wish I had more chips and salsa, but I finished those off yesterday. I don’t really want to get out of bed, but I’m still gonna complain about wanting a snack 😂

~8/2 (1:30pm-6pm)

Ugh I’m so tired. I’ve barely slept at all. Didn’t get to bed until 2:30am, woke up at 7:30am, then was very in and out until about 11:30am. I tried laying around a bit, but it hasn’t worked, and my eyes just want to close. But I have to start getting ready to go to mom’s soon, and then also get ready for work and all that. I want to do some nice makeup today, but I’m also so tired I kinda wanna be lazy about that, so I’m in a debate with myself for it. I’ll probably end up doing it anyway, since I want to be able to use all that stuff I just bought as often as I can. But maybe I’ll do a really simple look today. Like just face stuff (foundation, contour/highlight, blush) and some quick eyeliner and mascara. Eh in any case I’ll take some pics to show you later on

I still have to switch everything to the new bag, too. Didn’t do it last night because I was being lazy, so now I’ll have to do it right before I leave. I guess that’s not so bad, shouldn’t take too long anyway.

I was having some weird dreams about being on Price is Right, probably cause I was hearing my dad watching it in the other room. In the dream I was part of the show, but more in the background? So not like a model presenting stuff directly. But there were these giant water tanks with fake coral on the stage now, behind all the games (or I guess the tanks were stable and the games got moved around in front of them) and me and two other people were hired to be “mermaids” in the tank, I guess to make the games exciting and look fun with the new setup. In real life there are shops where you can buy silicone mermaid tails that you can wear in pools and such, so in the dream we had those special tails to use for swimming in the tank. I remember mine being really colorful but I can’t remember the actual colors now, of course 😅 so basically I spent this dream swimming around a nice tank, waving at contestants and shit. Such a dumb dream, thought it might give you a little laugh

Got to my mom’s house around 3:45pm, so I got to talk to her for a bit. She told me the whole story about what happened with her getting fired, and she’s already contacted a lawyer, which is good. I feel bad, but there’s not much I can do aside from be encouraging/comforting/supportive. Things will work out as they’re meant to, I suppose.

She’s a little overbearing on the support of my relationship though, like she’s getting weird about certain things. Like I told her about me and Bree going out on Saturday and she says “I don’t mind if you bring her over, but you guys can’t be alone in your room together.” What, am I 12?? Not that we’re at that stage yet in the first place, but geez she doesn’t have to act like that either way. And then she says “I just don’t want other people enjoying sex in my house if I’m not able to partake anymore” (cause after her hysterectomy it’s too painful for her to do anything, I know I mentioned that before). I don’t know what to do about her 🤦🏼‍♀️ she’s still more accepting and everything than my dad, so I gotta put up with her, but still she’s bugging me a little bit

I did end up doing my makeup, so I’ll save some pics to send later on. I’m not so tired anymore, so that’s something. I packed up a lunch for work, but I’ll probably go grab something quick from McDonald’s before I go in, cause I’m hungry but too tired to make anything else.

Oh yeah, my mom asked if I had told you about Bree yet, basically insinuating that you might be jealous for some reason. I was like “who do you think encouraged me to ask her out?” which surprised her enough to shut her up. I slipped and told her I liked you one time, now I’ll never hear the end of it 😬

Bree texted me earlier and said people are talking about us at work. Of course the word’s gotten out already, since gossip spreads quick in the hospital. But it’s no big deal since we made it public and everything, so let ‘em talk. Someone told Bree congrats though, which is cute 😂

I did end up getting McDonald’s for a snack. I always order a Diet Coke, right. But at the window the girl’s said it was just Coke, so I politely said it was supposed to be Diet. She took it back and said she’d change it, gave me a new drink, it ends up being Coke anyway 🙄 it’s not a huge deal to have a regular coke here and there, I just really don’t care much for it. So I’m blaming you for this 😋

I wonder if we’re getting a storm coming through. I’m sitting in the McDonald’s parking lot and all of a sudden we got hit with these huge gusts of strong winds, and it stayed windy for about 5 minutes or so. It’s calmed down now, but still that was kinda weird

Almost time for me to go into work, sigh. And knowing I won’t get to talk to you at all just makes my work day that much more boring. At least when I’m obsessively checking tumblr for your messages it makes the time pass quicker 😅 I’m just joking around though, really. I’m sure it’ll be a good day

~8/2 (6pm-12am)

Figure I’ll break this up a bit today, since it was getting to be a long block of text up there before.

As I was walking in I could hear really loud thunder, and the wind picked up again. The sky is all gray and dark, too, I love it 😊 I just saw some lighting and it started to rain a few minutes ago, hopefully the rain will drive everyone away ha

Prudence is covering some shifts now that McKenna is gone. And it’s great that she’s helping out and everything, but at the same time she’s not really used to the way ER works, so there’s a lot I have to check up on to make sure they don’t need to be cleaned up. So far just a few things not done, like labeling the incoming faxes, but that’s really not a big deal. And I know she was frazzled from working something she doesn’t know well, but she said they had 6 patients today and that that was a lot… but I digress

I’m a little annoyed though cause the chair I’d been using has been moved. Tess brought it back here specifically for me, and it had been fine for a while, so there’s no reason it shouldn’t still be here. So now I gotta email Tess and see about getting it back, and hopefully I can get a bit comfortable in this other chairs and not wreck my back today ☹️

Idk why but I’m like burning up today. Maybe I just haven’t had enough time to sit and let my body regulate, cause I’ve had to do some paperwork and stuff already at work here. Or maybe it’s the pound of makeup on my face 😂 in any case, I feel muggy and it’s gross. I’m gonna drink some water and see if that helps.

I hope it’s not too hot where you are right now. Though I suppose if you stayed anywhere in the south then it’s bound to be hot no matter what 🤔 but I hate being hot and sweaty on vacation, cause then I’m just uncomfortable and cranky the whole time, so I hope you’re not going through that kind of thing right now cause that would not be fun. Or maybe you’ve been indoors a lot, and then it wouldn’t really matter how hot it is outside if you’re in nice AC 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m just babbling away cause I’m bored, you know how it goes. Not much to do right now aside from waiting for Bree to come see me after her shift ends. I’ve got half a mind to jokingly ask her if she wants to kiss in the rain 😅 but I don’t want to make her too uncomfortable since we are at work still

Georgia’s birthday is coming up on 8/5, but I’m hearing that there’s already cake somewhere around the ER 👀 I’m gonna have to go hunt it down and have a little piece soon

The whole quitting smoking thing has been going pretty well, for the most part. It’s harder when I’m driving or about to go to work, cause that’s when I’d smoke most often, so that’s when I feel the cravings a bit more. Or if I see someone smoking (like on tv or a movie or whatever; for example, there’s some minor smoking scenes in Saw and that made me want one pretty bad) then I tend to want a cigarette moreso since it’s a visual association. But otherwise it’s not awful. I don’t have too hard of a time pushing those thoughts away and distracting myself from the cravings and such. It is still a bit difficult trying to remove it from my psyche in the sense of it being like such a huge part of my personality and things like that, but I think I’m doing ok with that right now.

Idk what’s going on but I heard Krissy say “I’m sorry, I got seduced by the cottage cheese!” So that’s fun out of context

Speaking of, I don’t know how Krissy is still here. She never seems to have a day off, this one. At this point we should just dedicate one of the rooms to her so she can rest when her shift is done 😂

I was taking care of some things I needed to handle for college coming up at the end of this month, and my student loans don’t cover the full amount of my tuition for this semester. I’m thinking I may need to drop 1-2 classes of the 4 I’m enrolled in, which would make my academic journey take longer, but could be more affordable. Cause how am I gonna come up with $1700 by the 16th?? That’s how much is left over after my loans pay out. My mom suggested looking into payment plans or trying to get a student loan with my bank, so I guess I’ll look into all that this weekend. Just sucks, the way things were estimated when I was first applying/enrolling seemed like the loan would be just enough to cover everything, maybe a couple hundred bucks I’d have to throw in. I suppose if I do have to give up some classes I can put off like Nutrition and Balancing Work and Family, since I wasn’t super excited for those anyway, and they were mostly credit courses to take off some prerequisites for my eventual majors. Not like I can’t just take them some other time. As long as I can keep creative writing and Geology I think I’ll be happy with that, because then I’m still making progress towards what I want to do for my Bachelor’s eventually (well, sort of anyway; Geology isn’t really part of Health Science, but is still a science, so I’m counting it). Ugh I should have been born into generational wealth. Fucking poor parents that I’m stuck with 🙄

Bree came to spend time with me, of course. We had a nice time just hanging out together. We always end up laughing and telling each other silly stories. And we try not to be too PDA at work, for obvious reasons, but we keep the door between me and the nurses closed when she’s here, and try to talk a little quieter, so we held hands for a minute when she’d first come by, and before she left I got a full on hug and it felt so wonderful. Not just the human contact, but the closeness to my partner and the love in the hug. I got some butterflies just from that 🥰 and she knows about my need to confirm things a bunch of times and all that, so she actively talked about our Saturday plans with that positive confirmation, and said she was super excited to go out that day, which really made me feel special. I have a lot of trouble with feeling like I’m bothering people or being too pushy or overbearing or whatever, especially when I have to ask them about confirming plans, and I always have that question of “do they really want to spend time with me” in the back of my head, but she always makes it so clear that she wants to be with me and spend time with me and all of that, and it really just fills my heart with so much joy.

Ah sorry for babbling about Bree again. I’m just having a moment over here 😅 haven’t been in a relationship in so long, and the last person I was with wasn’t all that great during the relationship anyway, so I’m not used to kind treatment. It short circuits me a little bit, because there’s also that part of me that feels like I don’t deserve to be treated so nicely. But I’m starting to work through that little by little. Anyhow, I can’t say it won’t happen again, because we both know that it will. Obviously I’ll be giving you every detail of what happens Saturday, too 😂 but I’ll try to keep it on a minimum until then haha

~8/3 (12am-6am)

Tim’s working this week, and Krissy was only doing a half shift tonight so she left at midnight. She’s finally getting like 5 days off, poor thing has been working a crazy schedule for weeks now. But anyway, the ER is empty and Dr Reay is in the Doc Box, so it’s just me and Tim in here. He’s at his desk at the nurse’s station, but it’s directly behind me, so every so often we’ll just kinda yell something to each other 😂 mostly just hanging around and doing our own thing though, and it’s very comfortable

We were also hearing that search and rescue got called out for someone on a river around here. Idk who was out doing river activities after midnight, but of course they were gonna get swept away 🙄 but search and rescue found them, which is good, and hopefully they’re ok and won’t need to come around here

I think my TikTok gave up on my algorithm cause at this point it’s all just masked dudes 😅 not that I’m really complaining about that or anything, just saying it’s kinda funny that I broke TikTok and turned my page into this. I did discuss these videos with Bree, and she doesn’t mind me watching them still. Which maybe I mentioned that before, I can’t remember now. But it’s nice that she doesn’t care, cause I don’t know how I’d get it to reset at this point 😳

And I’ll say what I’m always saying: I miss you so much. Work really is harder to get through without getting to talk to you, or even just message you with the knowledge that you’ll see my message the next day and I’ll get to talk to you later on. I’m just so bored and have very little to occupy my time. TikTok is fun but it can get boring after a while, too. And I have my book but I tend to get distracted while reading lately. My mind is always wandering and it goes places I don’t always want it to go, so that’s not great. And I have trouble just sitting and watching something. I have to move my hands and fidget in some way, so I end up going on my phone and then missing parts of the plot. So I’m just having a blah kind of time in general. And I’m also jealous cause you don’t have to work this week, and I wish I didn’t have to work because I’d definitely like some more time to rest/relax right now. I’m pretty sleepy right now, honestly. Hopefully that’ll make me sleep better when I get back home, but still. I knew not getting to talk to you would be difficult for me, but damn this is starting to hurt 😅 that means you’re stuck with me forever then, now you’re definitely not allowed to ever leave me or not be friends with me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ok in all seriousness though, I know the way I’m talking makes it sound like it’s all about me. But I honestly am happy that you’re off having a good time and getting a vacation and all that. You really did need a break, can’t think of anyone more deserving of some time away than you. I just like to talk, and typing this up helps fill my time and keep me occupied/awake. And I guess I’m a little worried that you won’t come back on here or talk to me anymore now that you haven’t had to put up with me for a while. I feel like I pressure you in some way to talk to me every day when you are here, or like it’s becoming an obligation you have to fulfill. I’m always worried that I’m being annoying or overbearing or whatever else I’m being, since I don’t know how to shut my damn mouth. I’m not trying to put words in your mouth or saying that you actually feel that way, I just always have it in the back of my head that at some point you could feel that way, if that makes sense.

Bleh ok enough of this serious nonsense for now. Im not trying to bring the mood down or anything. I know you’re not gonna want to read all this moody crap after a nice vacation, so I’m trying to limit all this. Just get stuck on those 3am thoughts, you know? But we’re moving on.

Tim offered to make us some coffee in a bit here, so that’s nice of him. I don’t know how to use the fancy coffee machines in the break room anyway, since they’re like espresso makers or some shit. Do you think it’s a good idea to have a double shot at 3am? Maybe if I dilute it with enough cream and sugar it’ll be fine 🤔

Tim showed me how to use all the fancy coffee machines, they’re actually not as complicated as I thought they’d be, they just look a little intimidating at first. I don’t really drink coffee very much, but nice to have the option. But Tim found one of Caitlin’s old mugs in the cupboard and of course I’m having to use hers 😂 but we both kinda got to gripe about her, so that was fun. Tim is super nice though, he won’t outright say anything mean about anyone, which is a lovely quality in a person. Anyhow, I did use up a bunch of cream and sugar but the coffee tastes pretty good. A little bitter, but not terrible. And caffeine really doesn’t affect me very much, so I’ll still be able to sleep when I get home. Also they found that person on the river and they’re fine, don’t need medical attention or anything, just need to get somewhere dry. I’m glad that all worked out for the best.

I found some of the good chairs floating around in front of the nurse’s station (and I usually never have to walk around there, so I wonder if they were there all day and I just didn’t see them). So thankfully I’ve got one now, but it’s 4am and my back is already half wrecked. At least I’ve got some relief for the moment

Tim and I got to chat for about an hour, just full on sitting and talking to each other. Which we don’t do super often for some reason. I think we just got so comfortable with each other that we don’t really need to have long conversations often. But he’s nice to talk to cause we do get along really well, especially when it’s just us two around here. After that he had to do stocking in some of the rooms, and I had to do my paperwork. But as he’s stocking one of the big trauma rooms in front of our areas he calls me over telling me to help him count all the outlets in that room. Turns out one of the new trauma rooms has 52 outlets, and the other has 48. For what purpose?? We’re such a small hospital, I don’t think we even have enough machines to plug into those outlets all at one time. And there’s no reason a patient would need that many things at once anyway, so it’s grossly unnecessary. We were laughing about it because we have all these outlets but no bathroom on this new side of the ER. The things that get overlooked in planning, you know? Just wild

~8/3 (4pm-12am)

Woke up with my back basically in shards. That chair I had to use most of last night really did a number on me. And Tess had texted me to ask if we could meet up when I got to work later, so I guess she’s going to come talk to me around 6pm or so when I clock in. I don’t know what she wants, and I usually get along with Tess very well, but I have a feeling that she’s going to bring up what happened with my mom, and I don’t really want to discuss that with someone in management. But we’ll just have to see what happens. Maybe she just wants to see my hair, since she’s one of the only people who hasn’t seen it yet after giving me the ok for it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bree texted me some cute little drawings/comics of cows, so that was very pleasant to wake up to 🥰

This morning mom told me she had leftover spaghetti in the fridge, so I’ll get to have that before I go to work, which is awesome. I’ve been craving spaghetti anyway so that works out great 😋

Just had the spaghetti and it was really good. Kinda wish there was more cause I’m still a bit hungry 😅

I had to upload on ibuprofen when I woke up, since my back was hurting so bad. And I took an extra Prednisone. I’ve been able to rest in my chair here for a little bit (still at mom’s house) so I feel a bit better now, hopefully it gets better as the night goes on.

I was dreaming about Bree and I going out on Saturday, and I woke up all sad that I still had to wait a couple days to be able to do that 😂

I also got to cuddle Ty for a bit. He gave me some kisses on my nose. He doesn’t really like to be held/cuddled so much anymore with how sick and grumpy he is all the time, but sometimes he likes when I pick him up and cradle him for a few minutes. My mom gets a little jealous though cause he doesn’t really let her do that anymore ha

Pre-season football apparently starts today, which I just found out when I woke up. But the preseason game that’s on tonight has teams I don’t care about, so guess I still won’t be watching it. Unless Erika wants me to bring it up at work so that all of us can wander in and watch while dealing with patients and such. I’ve done that for her before. I just hope I get to see my Seahawks play this season, I didn’t really get to see many of their games last year, or many games in general. So I’m gonna try to stay more on top of it this year if I can. Last year we were so busy around the hospital that even when I could pull up games it was hard to keep up since we’d get so many patients and have to run around doing things. But this year we’ve been oddly slower for several weeks, and if it keeps trending this way then I should be fine to watch most of the games that play during my work week (like Thursday night football).

Tess did come around for a while. We talked very briefly about what happened with my mom. I tried to keep it kinda shut down, just saying we don’t really talk about work much at home and that she’s just trying to move on, stuff like that. But Tess wanted to assure me that my job is secure and nothing is going to happen to me or my stepdad, so that’s something. We also discussed some new processes for the clerks to handle, most of which is just redundant. If our cash box stays at $200 and doesn’t get opened or used or anything during the course of a shift, what’s the point of filling out and turning in a stupid little slip just to say nothing changed? Seems pointless unless we actually do have something change, like taking a payment from a patient or needing to take out money from the box for a cab or whatever, and then those things have other specific forms to fill out anyway, so it just seems like a lot of hullabaloo to me. But I’ll do it anyway, because I’m supposed to 😬

At least talking to Tess took up about an hour, so only 11 more to go now. Tim is working this week, so I can talk to him if I get bored. And Brandi is back, too, and since things were getting better between us last time she was here I might try to start up a conversation about books or something when we’re a bit calmer. I’m pretty sure there’s still cake in the breakroom, too, so maybe I’ll grab a piece later on. So far seems like just a normal day, which I guess is better than an abnormal day 🤷🏼‍♀️

I wonder what you’re up to right now 🤔 I know you’ll tell me later, but I’m still trying to figure out where you went, so my mind is coming up with random images trying to piece it together. Idk why but I kinda have an image of you next to some kind of famous statue, flexing as you lean against it, something like that. Would love to see you in some kind of silly hat. I’m not sure why that’s what came to me just now, but I think it’d be funny to see this big tough guy in like Mickey Mouse ears or something 😂 well wherever you are I hope you’re staying hydrated, wearing sunscreen, all the good stuff. Maybe next time you’ll take a vacation out here in Utah, hmm? 😉 just messing with you. I’d love to get to hang out with you someday, of course, but I don’t know that you’d like it much out here. It’s kinda boring unless you really love hiking/camping/outdoor shit. The only fun you’d really have out here would be getting to see me, but then I’m even more annoying in real life and you’d probably be sick of me after ten minutes 😅 but still, maybe one day I’ll get to see you for real 😊

Ugh just had a patient’s husband come in, saying he was here to pick up his wife. So frankly he should have just waited in the lobby the five minutes it would have taken for her to come out since she was already discharged. But he asked if he could just come back to the room to see her and walk her out, and that’s all fine, so I let him in and show him what room she’s in. And then he gets all huffy, saying like “what kind of hospital is this? You don’t keep track of your patients?” I explained that we recently renamed a lot of the rooms due to construction, so I confirmed which room it was and said that the nurses told me which room she was assigned to. He’s still all upset, “well, she’s not in there. And she was discharged so she shouldn’t be anywhere else.” And then she walks out of the bathroom and comes over to him 🙄 but do I get an apology? Do I get an acknowledgement that we were doing everything right and she was simply using the restroom before leaving? No, of course not. He and his wife just leave, and he still seems to be in a pissy mood. Almost seemed like he was angry with his wife for being in the ER at all, but that’s not my business. I hate these kinds of assholes, so quick to blame us for nothing, but never admitting they’re wrong 😡

Bree came by to see me, but only very briefly cause she was tired. Apparently they were pretty busy in the lab today. So she just gave me a hug and said she was gonna dip out pretty quick. I was definitely a little 🥺 but I understand that she needs time to rest and everything, too. And she said she’ll bring tea over tomorrow to spend time with me at work, so that’s nice. We quickly discussed plans for date night Saturday, about like when we wanted to get dinner around the movies’ schedules, got that all settled. I’m so excited, I get tingly little butterflies just thinking about the upcoming date haha. But the only problem with Bree not staying to hang out with me is that now I have even more time to try to occupy on my own, but not much to do. I am trying to finish this book in the next two days, though, so maybe with this extra time I can get a bit farther in. We shall see

We’ve got a suicidal patient, so the social workers from 4 Corners have to be here, which would be fine if they didn’t have to use my office for things 😬 but since I have an extra computer and more space compared to the nurse’s station or anywhere else at least one of the social workers has to be here in my cubby. So I can’t close the door to eat or watch my shows privately. But at this point I don’t really care so much. I’m too hungry to wait until they’re gone, and I’ve got my show playing very quietly with subtitles on so I don’t bother anyone. Still kinda sucks though, cause I hate not having my own space. But at least that patient is getting help, which is much more important

The show I was watching had some sexual content in it, not like nudity or anything, but talking about getting fucked and such. And with everyone around I thought hmm maybe that’s a bit inappropriate for the work place. So I turned it off, then went through the channels on Hulu to see that Saw 2 was playing, and I put that on instead. Because somehow the gore and death seems more appropriate than talking about sex 😂 and I proceeded to eat my cup of noodle ramen while watching someone try to make a decision about whether or not to cut out their own eye to survive. I think maybe there is something wrong with me after all 🤷🏼‍♀️

~8/4 (12am-7am)

Been a rather boring night. Only had 2 patients all day, thankfully. We do like it quiet around here. I was on TikTok for a bit, but it got boring after a while. Still kind of neglecting my reading, but I did try to get through more of the book. I managed alright, decent enough progress, but my mind wandered away again, so I got stuck in a daydream for a good 15 minutes or so. But earlier I got to sit around talking with Brandi and Tim, which was actually pretty nice, and passed quite a bit of time. And I did get some cake earlier, which was pretty good. The chocolate cake was all gone, of course, so I had a small piece of the yellow cake with vanilla buttercream, and I liked it quite a bit. It was a nice treat. I guess Georgia won’t be here until next weekend, which is why they had all the cake and everything done the other day. I’m gonna see if I can get her a card to give her next week.

I’m pretty tired now, like my eyes just want to close on me. But I know the second I get home I’ll be wide awake, go figure. I’m gonna try to go to bed a bit earlier, but we’ll see how that goes

I know I’m getting repetitive by now, but I’m really missing you pretty badly at the moment. It’s like you’re haunting me, since I’m still thinking about you a lot. Who knew I’d get so used to the constant contact. I kinda feel like I’m withering away over here, just waiting for you to come back. Which sounds really dumb, I know 😅

I say I’m trying not to push it or be overly gushy or whatever and then here I am almost every other paragraph saying how much I miss you and can’t wait to talk to you again. At least you know I care about you, so that’s something right? 🤷🏼‍♀️ But I swear the days feel longer and the hours go slower when I don’t get to talk to you every day. It became such a habit that having it taken away is like having someone put me on a manual reset. Like I’ve just got this ache in my chest.

Alright, have I made enough of a fool of myself for one day? Man, I sound ridiculous, don’t I? I’m sorry. I’ll try to stop now. I just get so emotional all the time and have so much to say. Why’d I have to get stuck with this overly talkative gene? Why can’t I be mysterious and secretive? Nah, I gotta communicate too much, make everyone uncomfortable 😬

You’re just a wonderful person and I value your presence in my life. I think I took it for granted a little bit, always having you around, and I didn’t realize how much I rely on our connection to get me through the day until it was gone for this little while here.

You’re gonna come back to all this and wonder what the hell’s wrong with me, I just know it 😮‍💨

~8/4 (8am)

Extra little tidbit here. I was planning to go to bed early because I really was tired when I got home, but then of course mom and I started talking and hanging out like we always do. Somehow things took a serious turn, something got triggered in my mind, and we both end up crying and holding hands and all this shit, talking about our traumas and whatnot. Which neither of us expected this morning, but I know with her losing her job she’s probably got a lot of emotional issues pent up, and I’ve always got bullshit building up in my head, so I guess we just needed to cry together. We both feel fine now, for the most part

Before the crying, we did talk about relationships and things like that. We talked about Bree and how I’m feeling in the relationship so far, my thoughts about how it’s progressing, all that stuff. And my mom truly is fully supportive of this relationship, so it’s very easy to talk to her about everything in my head. But she then says to me “make sure you clean your car before you go out, that way if you two want to make out later it won’t be gross” so you know I just can’t escape these things 🤦🏼‍♀️

~8/4 (4pm-12am)

Woke up almost feeling like I didn’t sleep at all, even though I know I did because I still remember having some dreams (don’t remember what they were now, but still). I feel a bit better now cause I’ve been moving around and everything. But I’m planning to try and rest my eyes a bit at work tonight anyway, since I won’t be able to sleep much tomorrow before date night. We’ll see how it all works out

I got a hilarious video of my mom singing Slipknot. I don’t know if videos can send, but I definitely wanna try to find a way to show it to you because it’s hilarious 😂 so remind me about that later

Speaking of my mom, she already got another job. Not even a week later and she’s already moving on. She’s gonna be teaching first grade at the local elementary school, which is great because she loves teaching and didn’t want to try to go back into health care. It’s a bit of a pay cut, but they won’t have to leave Moab or commute or anything like that. I don’t envy her having to deal with all those kids, though 😅 and she’s still gonna find an attorney to deal with all the shit that happened at the hospital, which I keep prodding her about to make sure she actually does it.

I cleaned out my car, sort of. I wasn’t able to get like every single bit of trash in the backseat, cause I’d have to move my jumper cables and other things back there, and my back was already starting to hurt from bending and leaning in, so I had to stop after a while. But it looks better than before cause a lot of the big trash items are out now, and it’s a bit clearer overall. I should go try to get it vacuumed or something, since there’s crumbs and stuff everywhere in the front, but I know I won’t have time tomorrow, so it’ll have to just be ok. I don’t think Bree will care or say anything, but still, I feel kinda bad about it. At the very least it’ll smell nice, since I have my scent clip on, and I’ll spray some Febreeze on the seats before I leave tomorrow, so that’s one thing. And I’m still happy with the progress I made on it overall, since I am more limited in what I’m able to do anyway 😊 and Robert helped me put on my new steering wheel cover, which is covered in rhinestones and very pretty, so that’ll be distracting tomorrow, too haha

Last night some guy on here sent me a chat, and I responded, and then they blocked me. So like what was even the point of sending me a message in the first place? Coulda left me alone completely and saved us all a hassle 🙄

Don’t know yet what the day will hold, since at the moment I’m typing this up before work. But lately we’ve only had like 2-3 patients and then nothing all night, plenty of time to just hang out and relax and do nothing. I’m really hoping it stays that way again, since I am not in the mood to be doing shit today. I wanna enjoy my pizza and some shows and TikTok and read and close my eyes for like an hour. Just gotta get through this shift and then I can start my weekend. 4 days off, since this is my short week, and I don’t have much to do on Sunday or Monday aside from help dad with some social security/disability paperwork stuff, so I’ll actually get to just rest for a while. And of course I’ve been talking a lot about how excited I am for date night tomorrow, so that’ll be a great start to the weekend 🥰 and Tuesday I have that intense therapy session, which I’m actually pretty excited for because I just wanna get this shit out of me, you know? But I think now I’m just repeating myself again, since I have nothing else to really talk about yet. So sorry if this has been annoying 😅

Welp, I’m at work now, so far nothing going on. But it’s only like 6:45 so the night is young. Bree said she’s still coming by to hang with me for a while, so I’m getting pizza for both of us 😊 and I’m just listening to Dr Scherer and the nurses talk about bad doctors/nurses who used to work here. They’re all reminiscing and laughing, and while I’m not really part of it (and kinda don’t feel comfortable trying to jump in since I haven’t been here as long as them) it’s still fun to hear about all the old drama haha

We did have one patient come in just now from Urgent Care, but that’s not such a big deal. And since they already got his info in the system I have very little left to do for him, which is nice.

I’m definitely going to try to finish that book tonight. I want to be able to grab a new one this weekend when I’m at my house, and I don’t think I’ll have much time to read tomorrow since Bree and I will be out for a long time, so guess it’s gotta be today haha. I suppose I could try to finish it Sunday, if I have to, but still the goal will be to do it tonight. But let’s see if that actually happens 🤞🏻

Hope you’re having fun doing whatever you’re doing. I’ve been thinking about you (obviously), mostly just to hope you’re enjoying yourself and having a good time. I’m still wishing for a picture of you smiling and looking happy for once, so I hope you didn’t forget to take one 😂 and while I feel bad that your vacation time is almost up and you’ll have to come back to reality soon (cause that always sucks), I am also soooo excited to get to talk to you again soon. I’m damn near counting the minutes 😅

~8/5 (12am-7am)

I’m writing this up after midnight, so figured I’d just break it up a bit so it wouldn’t end up being such a long block of text.

Bree came over to hang with me at work around 8:30pm. I had the pizza and everything ready for us, so that we wouldn’t have to bother with ordering later on. Thankfully not much has been going on today aside from a few things here and there, so we had a long time to just keep the door closed and spend time together. It was really sweet, she brought over her whole traditional Chinese tea set so we could basically have a tea party together 🥹 I have some pics of the tea setup I can send later on. But she showed me how to properly steep the tea, and the traditional practices of brewing and “washing” the tea before drinking, and it was really cool. I also love tea and things like that, so it was awesome to be able to share it together. And those teas can get a lot of steeping out of them. We were using small porcelain cups that don’t hold much tea, since it was more of a tasting type thing than actually like sitting with a whole mug to drink, so we must have had like 20 little cups worth between the two teas we were trying. Both were very good, and very different in flavor, I really enjoyed both of them. Then after we had pizza and watched Bob’s Burgers for a while. She just left a little bit ago, we’re both gonna end up on TikTok for a while ha.

But just the fact that she wanted to have tea with me, so she packed up her whole set and brought everything over to the hospital to set it up and share it with me… I can’t describe at all how special that makes me feel. I can’t believe someone would go to that kind of trouble just for me. And it’s not even trouble to her, since she wants to do it, but still. I’m gonna be a little awestruck for a while 😅

We both have the same kind of like passion and intensity about things, too. In a sense it’s like we’re all in, you know? But it’s just sweet cause I’m the type that loves to take pics and share those memories, and she is too, so when I wanted to take a picture to commemorate our tea time she didn’t even hesitate to say yes. So I have some silly pics of her and I smiling and holding up our tea cups that I shared around. Just one more thing I appreciate, being able to enjoy taking pics and posting them and share my life and happiness, knowing she wants to do the same thing.

She also brought us some little fancy chocolates! She stopped off at a candy store before coming over just so we could have a sweet treat with tea time. So thoughtful I could cry 😭

I don’t think I’ve been this happy… maybe ever, to be honest. And as much as I truly love men (let’s be real, y’all are so damn hot), every day I start to feel more and more like “I’m so happy I’m not with a man.” And it’s nothing against men in general or anything like that. I’m not one of those people that hates men or thinks men are awful or whatever. Idk how to describe it. It’s just like… a guy would never think to bring me a tea party, you know? That kind of thing. Plus Bree is androgynous enough that if she wore a mask for me it would probably translate decently enough to work up my kink 🤔 not the point, just something I was thinking about before 😂

Anyway I’ll try to stop babbling now, sorry. Just been a really great night so far, couldn’t wait to share all the details with you 😅 and tomorrow we have the bigger date so you’ll be hearing all about that, too. I know I won’t be able to keep it on a minimum, so I’ll just apologize in advance.

I did manage to finish my book. Took me about 2 solid hours, I think? Or maybe an hour and a half. In any case, I had a nice block of time to just sit and read it all through, and it was pretty good. I really enjoyed the story and I felt it was decently unique. Which is really nice since I was looking forward to it for a long time, and I’d heard a bunch about it on TikTok and stuff, so I’m glad it was a good one in the end.

I don’t know why, but I’m all keyed up right now. Feel like my heart is really pumping and I kinda just want to move around for a minute. And that’s not great, since I really need to try to sleep right away when I get home (it’s like 5:50am right now, almost off shift), since I have to get up at 1pm to get ready for date night. But the good news is that Bree’s house is only about ten minutes from my mom’s, and it’s a straight shot down one road until I turn onto her street, so it’ll be quick and easy to find. I’m definitely gonna be wound up with nervous energy as soon as I wake up, though. Hopefully I can get my makeup on properly, since when I get these feelings I tend to get a little shaky too 😅

Oh but I dug around in some bags in the closet at my mom’s house and ended up finding my little bottle of my favorite perfume. It’s Romance by Ralph Lauren, I’ve loved this scent for so many years, but it’s super expensive and so I’ve not really gotten to wear it much at all. Dad had bought me a small bottle for Christmas in like 2020 (when I first started my lab job and was getting paid exorbitant amounts of money and the hotel we moved into on a more stable basis was dirt cheap to try to get business in because of covid), and even that was about $60, so I wear it very sparingly. I’ve still got roughly half the bottle left, and only need a tiny bit since it’s a strong scent and lasts for quite a while. Plus now that I’m not smoking anymore nothing will mask the scent of the perfume itself. So I’m definitely gonna wear it today for the date.

It’s absolutely killing me not to talk to you. Look at all this nonsense I’ve had pent up to tell you, and how much I’m still going on 😅 ugh I need feedback and encouragement and support and for you to remind me not to be so nervous with Bree since she already likes me and I have nothing to prove (and yeah clearly I can tell myself that, but it just doesn’t sink as well if it’s not you saying it). Guess I gotta wing it on my own for the date tonight huh? 😬 But I suppose I’ve been doing fine this whole time, so that’s something. Ah I just miss you, I can’t not say it. Hurry up and get back on here already 😮‍💨

Well, writing all my silly little thoughts like this is at least somewhat helpful. Sorry you gotta read it all, but I did warn you about that beforehand 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anywho, I remember some months back I’d told you a little story about how I tried to say goodnight to the nurses as I was leaving one morning and not a single one even looked at me, and it was upsetting. Well even progress has been made in those respects, because today before I left I said goodbye to the nurses at the station (who all happened to be crowded right near the doorway between our area anyway, I think there were like 4 of them there) and instantly Tim stopped talking to them to acknowledge me and say goodnight, which made some of the other nurses do the same thing. Good guy Timmy to the rescue. He’s such a wonderful person to work with and have around, and he treats everyone so kindly. I’m always happy when I get to work with him, and that’s partially for reasons like this. It made me flashback to that moment a couple months ago and kinda smile and feel better to see these small changes. And maybe it’s just because it was Tim, or because they were right next to me and couldn’t reasonably say they didn’t hear me, or whatever other reason. But it was nice all the same.

And I just realized I forgot to take the call sheets down to Med Surg. Even though I still don’t know what they need them for since they don’t use them to call anyone in an actual emergency anyway, that’s the ER clerk’s job. But whatever, I hope Dani doesn’t give me any fuss about it later 🤦🏼‍♀️ ah well can’t do anything about it now anyway. And Dani’s been a lot easier to deal with lately too, much more personable and friendly towards me, so she probably won’t say anything about it. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Have you ever known Vitamin D caps to like fuse together? I got a bottle of the gel cap type pills from Walmart, the nephrologist said I need to up my intake to keep my levels up since I have trouble with Vitamin D depletion and that’s not good for the kidneys. I opened them up today since I finished my old bottle yesterday, and I swear all the fucking pills are completely fused together. It’s like the gel is melted to each other or something. Maybe because of the heat? Or maybe that’s normal for these types of pills? It’s fucking weird though. I had to literally stab at the blob with the end of a makeup brush to try and carve one off the top to take with my morning meds. Don’t know what all to do about that.

~8/5 (1pm)

Just woke up to get ready for the date. Fuck man I’m so jittery right now, even though I’m also still a little bit tired. But the moving around and the nervous energy are definitely keeping me awake, so that’s something. Trying to just breathe and take things one step at a time, but I’m so like overly excited that it’s like my spine is tingling 😅 ah I wish you were here for all this in real time, I know you’d be able to calm me down ha. And it’s not even like a big thing, just a couple movies and dinner, normal stuff right? I see her all the time, and was even with her last night, so it’s not like we’ve had absence or distance in trying to build things up. So why am I so shaky?? Ugh this is so new to me. My ex and I would usually just go to bars. I think he had me over to his apartment like one time, and he was over at my mom’s old place one time. We’d either go to bars or hang out in his car, and at the time that was like the pinnacle of dating to me. I was so stupid back then (I’m still stupid now too, but differently). This whole thing with Bree feels so completely different from everything I’ve ever done, I don’t know how to deal with it I guess.

In any case, you’ll hear all the details here later on. But if I take too much time writing this I’ll be late, so toodles for now! 😊

~8/5 (10pm)

Ughhhhh I wish you were here right now my guy. I have so much shit I wanna tell you and it’s gonna take a minute to type everything out and I want you to get hyped up with me 🥺 but I’ll just have to write this up and wait for you to read it to get excited I suppose

Just got back a little bit ago from date night. I would have typed this up sooner, but I had to do my grocery pickup order, which took a minute. Anyway, we had a wonderful time. I met her grandma, and she was very sweet to me. She liked me right away and made jokes and such, so we had a pleasant first meeting. I wanted to see Bree’s cat, but he was hiding for a while cause he’d hurt his paw earlier and was a little wary since I was a new person. Only stayed there for about 15 minutes at first so Bree could finish getting ready before we left.

It was so cute, the first thing Bree said when she opened the door was that my makeup looked so pretty, and the first thing I said was that she looked adorable in the black dress she was wearing. I didn’t know how she might decide to dress for the day, with her being non-binary she has a wide range of styling. So today was a more femme day. She had a black dress and these big jewelry pieces (necklace, earrings, ring) that all matched cause they were like this vintage turquoise stuff. You’ll see when I send pics later. And she did some makeup too, but not nearly as much as me 😅

We went to see Barbie first. Got us some popcorn and sodas, but it was too much popcorn for either of us so she ended up saving the rest for her grandma, which was fine with me because then at least someone was eating it. And we both really liked the movie. It did go a little hard on the feminism angle, but it was enjoyable either way. I ended up crying by the end. Bree was surprised, quietly asking if I was ok, and I had to explain to her that I literally cry over everything, especially if it shows things about the beauty of the human condition and feelings and community, all that good stuff. She put her hand on my leg and I held her arm and we just kinda cuddled together while the movie wrapped up and I sobbed 😂 but it was a cute moment

Went to dinner at this restaurant called The Spoke. She said it would be best to park across the street and walk over, since there’s minimal parking nearby the actual restaurant and it’s easier that way. And she had me hold her arm the whole way there and back (which is perfect since she’s a bit taller than me) 🥰 food was good, I had a pasta dish I liked. It had sliced fresh cherry tomatoes, which I’ve never liked before but decided to try now since it’s been years, and they were actually really good! So maybe I kinda like fresh tomatoes now 🤷🏼‍♀️ but we also got some Oreo shakes for dessert, which was nice 😋

But right as we were finishing up, thankfully had already paid and everything, the power went out for the whole city. At first we thought maybe it was just the one block/street/whatever; but then some updates on Facebook were saying it was a downed power line and took out all of Moab, and it could be like 3 hours to fix it. So no way were we gonna be able to see Haunted Mansion like we’d planned, which kinda was a bummer cause I really want to see that movie. But with the power out she said she had to stop back home real quick to check on her grandma and make sure the portable oxygen tank was set up for her, so we did that. Oddly enough their house had power when we pulled up. Then we just hung around there for a bit to give her grandma some company and let us get to know each other more. Her grandma seemed very happy to have company over, and we got along well. We were sitting at their kitchen table and on the wall nearby her grandma has this big shelved collection of adorable salt and pepper shakers in all different shapes and such, like cows and pumpkins, so we talked about that a bit. And Bree’s cat finally came out to investigate, and then he absolutely adored me. Guess I must have pet him in all the right spots cause he kept coming up to rub against my legs and my hand, have me scratch his little chin and belly. He was so soft and fat and cute, I loved him instantly haha

We were trying to decide what else to do, since it was still pretty early. Settled on taking a little drive around, so we got back in my car and started driving straight down the one road nearby. She was telling me about how to get to some of the hiking trails and other places in the canyons by taking different little turn offs, then suggested driving down by the lake. I’ve never been to any lake before, so that sounded fun, and she told me how to get around to Ken’s Lake. It was pretty full up from some rainfall we’d had recently, and the water looked so beautiful. We got there a little before sunset. Both of us were in sandals and had some leg exposed, so we decided to go walk/stand in the water a little ways down the shoreline. The water was so nice, like a little cool but easy to get used to, felt amazing on the skin. I had the strongest urge to swim, but just wouldn’t have been able to with my outfit and no preparation or anything. So instead I suggested we do a lake date since we’re getting to the end of summer, and she was really excited for that. Figured we’ll try to do it in another two weeks when I have Saturday off again. Gonna do it as an all-afternoon/evening kind of thing, that way we can enjoy the cool water in the hot weather. And we decided to plan it as a picnic! That way we can just hang out all day and not have to worry about food or anything else. I’m really looking forward to it cause I love swimming, and getting to swim in the lake for the first time ever will be awesome. Plus I just get to spend the day with Bree ☺️

Anyway, moving on from my sidetracked babbling, we moved over to where there are this big, mostly flat rocks around the shoreline (they help mark out the parking area on one side) and sat on some of the rocks to watch the sunset over the water. I got some nice pics of that, too.

Earlier she had offered me some lip balm and I teasingly was like “you could kiss it onto me”, not necessarily trying to get her to do it in that moment but rather just saying that I’m open to kisses and things like that. But since we’re both such awkward dorks and there’s been the “are we gonna kiss yet?” tension for a while I decided to just ask about it outright. I didn’t know if maybe she’d be uncomfortable with it since she is Ace, and I wasn’t sure how kissing fell on that spectrum for her. But we talked it out and she said she likes kissing and has just been nervous about it this whole time, wanting it to happen organically but also needing consent and wanting to make sure I’m ok with it too. Amazing how we were both so anxious about something so simple haha

But it was getting dark and I was kinda tired so I was like uhhhh I should go home soon 😅 I felt bad cause it’s not like I didn’t want to spend more time with her, but I really was getting worn out, especially with not having must rest beforehand. So I drove her home, we parked in her driveway to chat for a minute before she went in.

And finally, finally she kissed me! Right before she got out of the car, we were saying goodnight, and she leaned over and we had a nice kiss 😚🥰 it was quick, which is fine. I was joking around, “see now that the first one’s out of the way it’ll be less awkward! Wasn’t that easy?” And we both laughed.

Funny enough the song on my Spotify that was playing in the car when we kissed was Die For You by Starset, which is kind of a romantic song but more intense? I sent it to her to joke about it and she thought it was funny.

So yeah it was a very good night. The whole lake thing was unexpected, but ended up being a lot of fun, and gave way to another good date idea for us, so I’m glad it went that way instead. And we’re thinking of just going to see Haunted Mansion on Tuesday, and I’ll just come down a day earlier, since her work schedule matches mine this week (Wednesday-Saturday, she’s helping cover some people or whatever so we on a similar wavelength). So I’ll probably get to see her the whole workweek too.

Ahh I’m so happy man, like I feel giddy 😍

Well, that’s about enough babbling for now, since it’s the end of the night anyway. I better fuckin hear from you asap tomorrow so we can share in all this joy together 😂

I hope you enjoyed your vacation and had a great time. I hope you got to relax and you feel rested, since you’ve been run down for too damn long. I can’t wait to talk to you and hear all about everything and see all the pictures. I know you’ll read through this soon enough, and then we can talk about all my nonsense too 😋

Hurry up and get on here, please

#ok y’all please don’t interact with this post it ain’t for you #I wrote this all out for one specific person but tumblr won’t let me share it with them if I post it privately so I have to do this instead #only they know who I’m talking about with all the names mentioned throughout and talking about my job and all that stuff #so let’s just leave it alone for them to read at their leisure #cause I don’t wanna be explaining myself to anyone else #I guess you can read it if you want to and see me babble and make a fool of myself repeatedly #but yeah otherwise I don’t wanna hear shit #please and thank you #personal

0 notes

spotsupstuff · 2 years

Note

How good or bad did Six react to realizing he's in love with Tang and Pigsy?

Hmmm... He probably realized he Actually has a thing for Tang cuz Clementine pointed at Ariel and prince Eric ( ┐(ಠ‿ಠ)┌ ) while they were watching the little mermaid together n said that those two remind her of Six n Tang

His first reaction is Freezing

Then just Sheer Disbelief consisting of violent head shaking and blatant lies

(Clem’s ofc right.) Then he enters what I like to call Fluster Cluster state aka he can’t stop blushing about it

After the emotion ride comes a kick of realism in the shape of “I’m immortal. He isn’t...” so he has to deal with That, BUT that is also the main reason why I like Inkypages so much so he gets thru That with some help from Sha Dali n then one evenin he finally confesses

With Zhu it’s a liiiiiiiittle bit different, because it happens at least like.. a year later cuz Zhu takes a while to actually start really trusting him. And it’s Zhu that falls in love with him first, funnily enough!

A year of dating Tang and continued therapy sessions later, Six is less sharp, more purely mischievious instead of malicious and just way easier to get along with. Even Qi Xiaotian is now able to seek him out for serious advice without being nervous too much and sometimes lets a “thanks, uncle!” slip by accident. Six’s relationship with his sibs gets better, too, and it’s something about seeing Six play and joke around with both his own siblings and Zhu’s kids that gets Zhu to chilld out with the glares

And so they become friends!

The moment when Zhu falls for Six hard is when Six is with him in the noodle shop’s kitchen, trying to show the chef some of the recipes he has collected over the ages in his ancient but clearly loved notebook (you can fight me on this but Six is a SOLID cook and has a passion for baking fuck you, world). Some of these foods haven’t been made in centuries. These steps are relics

The pages are yellow and soft thanks to time, the bookmark is decorated with clearly beginner needlework. It smells sweet and the handwriting is strangely readable, in different languages and different stages of evolution of the Mandarin itself. Somehow, it’s endearing even though Zhu can’t understand quite a few words. Maybe it’s because this little book tells him more about Six Ear through his lifetime than Six Ear will ever actually tell himself

“I’ll translate them for you after we finish with this session.” Reassures Six and there’s this spark in his eyes, a little smile as he’s working on the dough. And Zhu sees him in this completely domestic setting, doing something he really enjoys (that isn’t illegal 😳💦) while the room is bathed in sunset colors and BOOM The Zhu Has Fallen For The Mongey

So Zhu experiences several inner gay panics before approaching Six about it n Six just

and from then on they are a happy polycule :)

#Spot says stuff #lmk #freesquidinknoodles #fruit twins au

184 notes · View notes

roxy206 · 2 years

Text

Katya Q & A at BU brain dump:

[he/him pronouns since he was out of drag]

📷 by my friend

Katya talked a bit about getting into BU & how he actually had wanted to go to NYU. He said before his freshman year his would be roommate emailed him to check to make sure he wasn’t gay, so Katya was like I am not about to be hate crimed & got himself moved into another room/dorm. Then he mentioned how fucking expensive BU is, so after a year he wound up transferring to a state school instead. I think he said while at BU his plan was to study French literature

He was asking what everyone’s studying — he cold called on a few people & then was saying majors & having people raise their hands

He talked about how he doesn’t really have a drag persona that he has to get into, that it’s really just a wig & his own personality at 11 out of 10. He also spoke about how he never wanted to have a job where he worked 40 hours & left it all behind

He mentioned that being someone so known for this female portrayal makes it hard to date as a gay man, that (he thinks) it makes him less fuckable. And he mentioned at one point that he’s kind of done everything he wants to do career wise & now he’s looking to his personal life

Someone asked where he gets his tattoos done so he talked about them a little — how most of them are from an Italian tarot deck one of his friends has & that he doesn’t like the Taurus tattoo he has. He was like, it’s my zodiac sign why did I get this? And that he put a fly in the middle of the symbol

When asked what it was like to suddenly become famous he said it was really weird. He had been at Ginger’s place in Florida when the season 7 cast was announced & they just watched their follower counts go up & up, & it was like oh all these eyes are on us

He also talked a bit about the difference between doing season 7 & All Stars, that he didn’t really have much time between them so there wasn’t really a period for growth, but that doing All Stars was great. He’s obviously so proud of that season because he was saying how it’s the best drag race season, they’re never going to top it, & they’re never going to top Read U Wrote U

He talked about the tour a few times — they’re absolutely loving it. He talked about how initially it was something they were working on for 2020 & they had hired writers & had a script, but the script sucked so they had to fire them. So then preparing for this he & Eden & someone else were tasked with writing the script. (He really shouted out Eden for her work with the script & also mentioned that she helped ghost write part of the upcoming book.) And that Trixie didn’t really care what the script was, she just wanted it done. He said they would ask her what she thought about things & she would be like yeah yeah that’s great

He also mentioned that there’s a lot of breaking in the show then he was like well it’s me forgetting my lines. He was like I’m not an actress. And he mentioned how when people bought tickets for the show they didn’t even know what they were going to be seeing

Someone asked him what his favorite scene in Dune is, so he said he recently watched it for the 13th time & mentioned two scenes — I haven’t seen Dune yet so I have absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but when I do watch it if it sparks any memory with context I will post about it lol. He mentioned how great Charlotte Rampling is

He talked about being in his head a lot & how no one is ever thinking about you as much as you think you are. He said if you’re in a meeting thinking oh god what am I going to say, what’s everyone going to think — when it’s your turn to talk no one is going to care that much because they’re going to be having the same internal dialogue about what everyone else is going to think about them

Someone asked if the Russia Situation has made him rethink anything about his character. He mentioned that he just kind of started doing this character & the backstory is that the character is actually Ukrainian. He said he wasn’t going to get into the backstory because it wouldn’t be interesting (I disagree!!) & then said that the LA Times had reached out wanting to do a piece before the tour, but they wanted to make the focus Russia. He was like I’m not a political scientist, I’m not an activist. He did conclude by saying Russia really needs to get rid of Putin & what’s happening is really sad

Oh he said his favorite UNHhhh episode is Weather & that a gay weatherman came to one of the recent shows

Someone asked how the AC has been on tour & he said hit or miss

He talked a little bit about the new book & how it’s about work, & that was difficult sometimes given his relationship with work

He mentioned a 2019 show in Dallas that was so great that the post show high lasted an entire week. And he mentioned that sometimes the audience just isn’t with you — he said there was one gig he did where within ten minutes it just was not it & said to the audience, what if you all just left & then I can go eat a hot dog & we all get what we want

Someone asked about his love for Tatiana’s Same Parts & he said that they were all talking about what they were going to do for the talent show & she wouldn’t say, so he thought she was going to bomb but then it was great. He thinks Same Parts is the best song from a Ru alum

He talked a little about Vampire Fitness & how he’s not a musician, but it was a really cool project & he loves it, & how there were so many people involved & they made it what he wanted it to be

He shouted out some of the local drag queens he used to work with & briefly mentioned how one of them was a hoarder & then he took over that apartment over Jacques. Then lamented that there really isn’t much of a gay nightlife scene in Boston anymore, not like there used to be with something every night

Someone asked him to walk through his show day routine & he was like it’s pretty boring it’s a lot of nothing & then around 3pm I shower & start getting ready

+++

I know I’m forgetting things. If I remember anything else I’ll add to this

He definitely talked about Trixie throughout the Q & A, sometimes prompted & sometimes not. The major thing was someone asking what his favorite memory with Trixie is & him saying it was them getting detained in Australia (I’ve posted the video clip of that)

Throughout the Q & A & then when I talked to him he’s just so so so excited about this tour

#my friend took these candids when I first started talking to Katya 😭😭😭#Katya’s BU Q & A #but your dad just calls me katya #katya #katya zamo #katya zamolodchikova

106 notes · View notes

gallusgalluss · 3 years

Photo

a real rough Queen Eggabell doodle for this au i just thought of this morning, where instead of Lizbert, Eggabell’s the queen of bugsnax

(more info about the AU below, there’s a lot of text so be warned)

Okay so in this AU everything’s mostly the same, except instead of Lizbert being the Queen Of Bugsnax, it’s Eggabell.

The Journalist (you) is still on the island for the same reason; to find out what bugsnax are/if they even exist and interview Elizabert Megafig. So everything’s going on normally (normal for bugsnax, at least) until you reach the Frosted Peak.

Where you would normally meet Eggabell, Lizbert is there instead. And she’s just in an absolutely awful state. It looked as if she hadn’t slept in weeks, and sure as hell hasn’t been eating any snax. You quickly go up to her to interview her, which she does but isn’t able to answer all the questions clearly, so you’re left with more mystery.

You think the job is finally done, but then you remember that Liz has a partner you haven’t met yet. You ask her about Eggabell, but Liz is just… too depressed to even answer that. The Journalist feels like it’s best to just leave her alone for a while.

So after doing other stuff, you finally head back up to the mountain and find Lizbert staring at the stone grump statues. She’s crying. She’s talking to herself how distressed and sad she feels, about how she feels like she’s failed the expedition, how everyone lost their trust in her, and how she lost her partner to something that could’ve easily been avoided. There’s a short pause after that monologue, then she decides to actually try encouraging herself. She couldn’t just give up here, in the cold, snowy mountain, letting herself get weaker and weaker. Egg wouldn't have wanted that, she herself wouldn’t want that.

Her doubts aren’t completely gone, but she knew she had to actually try to do something, anything, to attempt to find Eggabell again. And then she sees you and gets scared as fuck.

The rest of the stuff between this and the party is basically the same as ingame; except you’re helping Liz instead of Egg. Oh and Filbo also meets up with Liz again and is so so happy to see his best bud again. Bestie Squad almost completely reunited.

Then the party happens yada yada ppl dance, gay ppl kiss, the earthquake hits and ruins everyone’s mood, same as ingame, Liz shows up, but there isn’t time to talk, it’s time to go to The Door.

So now it’s time to go to the Undersnax. Things happen, the gang’s separated, and then you finally meet the queen. It’s Eggabell! A very, very angry n stressed out lookin Eggabell. A personal theory I have is that “Snakmonsters” (or just any creature that has extreme snakifications) have this ability to actually speak to bugsnax; only in their mind tho, like a hivemind. Bugsnax themselves can’t speak, but they’re able to send these “brainwaves” to whatever being they’re trying to communicate to that’ll cause them to actually understand what they’re saying.

This is currently happening with Egg, it’s been happening ever since she fell into the Undersnax. Something like this would really affect her negatively, since ingame she’s shown to get easily overwhelmed by a lot of angry, yelling grumpuses. So having thousands of bug food parasites screaming in her mind is definitely not good, extremely overstimulating. The Journalist is actually the first one to see her and she doesn’t notice you at first, just there getting overwhelmed by all the bugsnax. It takes Filbo coming in to finally snap her out of it.

Her tone is real rough n serious, but she’s actually really glad to finally see someone familiar. The Journalist asks to interview her, and she begrudgingly accepts the offer. So like ingame she explains that bugsnax are actually parasites, they’re trying to destroy Snaxburg, and she’s the only one who can control them.

She just sorta went from “Wow I’m a burden on everyone, things are going wrong all because of me. Nothing bad would happen if I wasn’t here to mess everything up” to “Oh shit now I’m the one who has to keep this island together, I’m the leader now and I need to keep everyone safe or elses there will be nothing left.”

In contrast to Lizbert’s “I’m a proud leader who’s keeping everyone safe! This place is going to help them all out with their problems and make them all happy again!” and “I failed my task to lead everyone, I’ve led everyone to danger and it’s my fault everything’s like this. Holding this island together is the one right thing I could possibly do now.” thought process.

K so now Lizbert appears, and Egg is the happiest she’s ever been in weeks. She missed her wife sooo much y’all… They’re all lovey-dovey, Egg talks about how she lost her eye failing down here, they’re both food dragons now, and they throw you out of the volcano and the rest of “Escape from Snaktooth” happens.

Everything goes out as planned, everyone either goes onto the plane-boat-balloon thing safely or some of them die, and you’re left to see Egg and Liz in the now destroyed town of Snaxburg.

That’s about it, I don’t have any ideas for the post-escape part of this AU yet. sooo thanks for reading if u did :]

#long post #cluck cluck #this is basically just a swap au but with only 2 characters #i might make more stuff for this au i dunno it just popped up in my brain this morning lol #bugsnax #putting this in the tag who cares who caaaaaressssss #hi new followers pls be aware that this game has an iron grip on my brain for 10 months now #bugsnax spoilers #body horror

313 notes · View notes

relaxxattack · 3 years

Note

hi im asking u this bc u seem to be bee duo enthusiast so

ive been calling c! beeduos relationship platonic because i thought that was what their cc’s said, and i thought they had said that they were uncomfortable with ppl shipping the characters. But ive seen a lot of posts that say their relationship is canonically romantic? and i absolutely do not want to come across as homophobic by watering down a mlm relationship to just friends because that happens so much in media so.

what is the canon state of their relationship / ur opinions on the platonic thibg

dont worry abt answering if u dont want to!! i see a lot of differing opinions and i trust yours :)

aw it’s totally fine, im flattered you asked me about this!

let me put it simply: it’s a whole mess, lol.

first im going to talk about what’s happened fandom-wide that caused differing opinions, and then i’ll explain my own opinion/interpretation. :]

(this got really fucking long im so sorry)

ranboo and tubbo initially proclaimed the relationship was romantic, specifically in argument with the wiki editors who had set it as platonic by default. (you can see this in the vod where they decide they’re canonically married— it’s very funny. chat tells them the marriage is already on the wiki, they check, tubbo is jokingly offended that it says platonic and asks if he needs to up the romance).

tubbo also makes jokes about adultry, which sort of implies the relationship is not necessarily a platonic one.

(theres definetly more in that stream alone but it’s been a long time since i watched it so i don’t remember a lot of it.)

the wiki, because of this, suffers from going back and forth on platonic and romantic, seemingly unsure where the joke ends and the canon begins, or if its canonically a joke! a mess, as you can already tell.

this gets more complicated as the marriage bit goes on: outsiders, such as phil and scott, both at one point say “platonic marriage”, which then ranboo and tubbo agree with. however, when chat asks them if they’re platonic, they say the opposite. so there is a lot of confusion there.

there’s also the difficulty of being able to tell streamers and characters apart. ranboo and tubbo both don’t like being shipped irl, and that’s their boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. (they’re also minors, but tbh when they’re 18 in a year i will still be following their boundaries regardless of their legal age).

due to people not wanting to be accused of minor shipping, they started adding the platonic tone indicator to most of their drawings— basically a way of saying “no homo”. meanwhile, tubbo frequently on stream flirts with ranboo and makes quite a bit of nsfw comments towards him that are frankly hilarious.

this goes on for a while with nobody really sure what’s canon, but a lot of people assuming it’s probably platonic, until: the drama of the mods night. a few mods dmed all the wiki editors telling them ranboo wanted his canon character relationship officially set to platonic.

unfortunately for those mods; the very same day, a few hours later, ranboo on stream makes fun of puffy delivering him and tubbo “friendship flowers”. because, and i quote, “bruh. we’re literally married. this must be how the ancient greeks felt.”

in case you don’t know, the internet often jokes about how historians will call ancient greeks ‘very good friends’ when they are quite obviously gay. so in this context, ranboo is joking that people will call him and c!tubbo, who are married, “close friends”, when he doesn’t think they are.

basically, ranboo canonized romantic bee duo, the very same day the mods told everyone he’d wanted a platonic one.

chaos and drama immediately erupted everywhere. on tumblr, we were talking about how weird it was of his mods to do something like that without asking him first. we ALSO talked about how weird it was of them to assume that ranboo can’t make his own decisions, or assume teenagers cannot be in relationships without it being sexual. twitter did the same thing but in the opposite direction: called ranboo mods homophobic, or said they were mad ranboo felt pressured into making a romantic relationship canon ‘just so people could have mlm rep.’

i dont want to go into detail about the drama that happened that night because apparently official people follow me and i dont want to stir it up or have them come “clarify” things. im just saying what we talked about.

ranboo in typical ranboo fashion apologized quickly and seriously. he was deeply sorry for possibly offending anyone with how he’d portrayed his rp relationship with tubbo, and he also assured everyone the mod thing was just a miscommunication.

he said he would talk to tubbo and they’d decide once and for all whether it was platonic or romantic, and then announce so everyone would know.

it’s now been a few months and we've had no word from them on that development. we still have no clue.

now, here’s my opinion:

i want to take ranboos word for it that it was a miscommunication with his mods, but... we had it on good authority from people on the wiki team and people in the discord with the mods that (while it was happening) they were really going after the wiki admins, and also made some weird comments about it. that combined with the way ranboo seemingly had no clue (considering he canonized their romance that very same day).... it’s very. sus of the mods.

then there’s the canon we’ve got since then. although occasionally adults in the room have called it a “platonic marriage” and tubbo once (back when it first started) called it a “plankton tectonic” marriage, in roleplay it’s been... kind of not that. tubbo and ranboo make nsfw jokes about each other in character, and their characters also share a master bedroom and bed in the mansion. there's also the way c!tommy really thinks it’s a romance between them as well, and they agree with and play off that— for instance confirming that they “fell in love” when he asked, or ranboo confirming that they “make out on occasion”.

people will still put platonic on their art and posts, imo, because they’re worried about breaking ranboo and tubbo’s irl boundaries by looking like they ship them. or even just being accused of shipping real life minors. and that’s a valid fear to have.

the thing is though: c!bee duo are not cc!bee duo. they’re roleplay characters. cc!bee duo are not okay with being shipped, but they made their characters get canonically married, and call each other “husbands”. so it’s okay to write the word “husband” in your comic without adding “platonic” to it, i promise.

telling the ccs that their characters have to be platonic is... weird. it comes off as not only babying them, but also as saying teens can’t date without it being gross. which isn’t true.

(this is why seeing people overuse “platonic husband” so much bothers me. like, they ARE husbands. you can just say it. what are you trying to hide...?)

do i think they’re canonically romantic? ehh, its likely. it’s still okay to interpret them as platonic, because again, it’s hard to tell where jokes end and roleplay begins. like, maybe it’s jokes in the rp too, and c!bee duo are just friends. friends can and should be allowed to make jokes like that with each other! aro & ace marriages exist!

or, maybe it’s actually part of the rp, and they’re very much romantic. we don’t know!

some people say they could be a qpr (queerplatonic romance), which i could see. (a qpr is a relationship that fluctuates between, or can’t quite be sorted into, “romantic” and “platonic”. people in a qpr can do romantic things while having platonic feelings for each other). in my opinion this is a very valid interpretation as well!

CONCLUSION (sorry this got so long omfg):

are c!bee duo romantic?

its likely, but you can still interpret them however you like!

should i put /p on bee duo content?

ehhh? i find it annoying when it’s overused (as do others), but if you’re worried you can. its up to preference. putting it too much is weird though

should i put /p on things cc! bee duo do?

no. you’re not the one saying it so you can’t decide the tone tags for that. imagine you said something to your friend and a random stranger came up and was like “haha but that was /p right...?”

can i ship c!bee duo?

mmm. i’m not sure on this one. they are canonically married and very flirtatious, but the ccs don’t like being shipped and they’re close enough to being the ccs that actively shipping might be against boundaries.

can i treat c!bee duo as romantic?

yes. literally just don’t be weird about it. it’s not that hard! you can understand that two characters are husbands without making it weird

here’s the most important thing: boundaries. cc bee duo still haven’t told us what their preferences and canon is about this whole thing.

right now, i am assuming based on what they already show us they’re comfortable with, but! the second they give us any more info! all these opinions will change!

i am only going off what they do. i would never want to cross boundaries at all. i just wish they would make theirs a little more clear.

..... i hope that helped anon, i went way off the rails... i need to go to sleep.

#it’s late im so sorry for how much i rambled and wrote #i hope this helps you #bee duo #og post #there’s probably so many spelling errors i need to go to bed #i tried to fix some spelling so reblog this one ig #and not the old one

699 notes · View notes

pinkteapotwriting · 3 years

Text

Their Perfect Y/N

Wolfstar x Fem!reader

Warning : Smut, pretty chill though. Daddy kink. That kinda stuff.

Word count : 2532

---

Your first order meeting. You were so young, you just got out of Hogwarts considered an adult in the muggle world. Only 18, and you had a war to fight, friends to defend, lives to protect. It’s funny how determined you were to obliterate every death eater, but your heart was caught in your throat at the prospect of entering headquarters. You tried to ignore it, this was the first step to saving the people you cared about. You watched the houses split apart and sucked in a big breath before knocking.

Walking through the doorway was easy enough, being immediately overwhelmed by a high pitched, brutal shriek.

“MUD BLOOD, BLOOD TRAITORS, BESMIRCHING THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS. DISGUSTING, FILTHY-”

“SHUT UP YOU FUCKING HAG!”

You were frozen in a state of terror, already you were messing up and you haven’t even said anything yet.

“Y/N, right?”

Your wide eyes moved towards the figure with sleek ebony curls. The intense grey eyes were intimidating, but once you looked closer you saw the twinkle of humor in them. You shook his tattooed clad hands and tried not to let your knees buckle under his firm grasp.

“Yes, and I’d ask you yours, but the daily prophet has done a great job of introducing me already.”

His smile was genuine, but you could read into that touch of sadness. But he was quick to shake it off.

“Don’t mind my mother, I promise she’s just as unpleasant as you get to know her.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that-”

“Oh don’t worry about it love. No one told you. It’s amazing that you could come, Remus says you were one of his best students. Really exceptional at defense against the dark arts.”

Heat flushed to your face at the praise and the mention of your favorite professor.

“Professor Lupin is here too?”

Your question was quickly answered when those familiar arms you would stare at entranced in class were draped over Sirius’s shoulders.

“Nice to see you Y/N, but you’re not my student anymore so please, just call me Remus.”

“Feels illegal but sounds good Remus.”

You all found your way to the dining room table and tried your best not to be intimidated by the row of wizards you admired and respected so much. Before you got the chance to breathe though Molly had you trapped in a tight bear hug.

“Oh Y/N, so good to see you dear. Of course I’m not happy about the circumstance, but all the same, glad to know you’re here and safe.”

There was no oxygen left in your lungs to respond, so you just smiled and accepted her warm embrace.

“Molly, if you want her safe and healthy you might want to give her the chance to breathe.”

Grateful for Remus’s interjection you gave Molly a quick peck on the cheek, while she released you bashfully.

“Thank you Molly.”

The meeting itself was fine, it was the dinner afterwards that had you terrified, because right across from you was Sirius and Remus. Two of the most attractive men you’ve ever seen and their unrelenting questions and invested eye contact had the embarrassment coming up all at the same time. That didn’t deter them though. If anything it sprung even more questions and conversation starters. You didn’t even notice everyone else had left, leaving just you three at the table. You were cupping some tea between both hands, while Remus was leaning against Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius was replicating the affection by wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

It was peaceful, never had you felt so comfortable in the presence of other people before. So safe.

“Y/N, I’m glad you came, like I said Remus speaks very highly of you and we need all the help we can get. So if you want to invite your boyfriend or something to join, you should.”

“Oh, I don’t have a boyfriend actually, but speaking of which I had no idea you guys were together. You’re a really beautiful couple.”

Remus only smiled a little, but Sirius’s grin was proud.

“Thanks Y/N, you’re really quite beautiful too. We’re actually not gay though though, we’re both bisexual. We’ve even been known to have thirds in relationships. Nothing permanent though, haven’t found that right person.”

“Does that mean that you’re still open to-?

“Oh absolutely, there’s this girl we actually have our eyes set on right now.”

Your face fell.

“Oh, well if you two like her then she must be lovely.”

Remus and Sirius shared a look, clearly amused by your cluelessness and we all know what teases they can be. Remus spoke up this time.

“OH yeah, she’s a darling. She just joined the order.”

“She has Y/H/C and Y/E/C. Exactly our type wouldn’t you say Remus?”

“An absolute beauty, exactly our type that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, she looks particularly cute when she holds a cup of tea, with an adorable confused expression.”

“I don’t understand, well I think I do but-”

Remus was sitting up straight now, zoning in on your troubled expression.

“Y/N, we want you. If you’re uncomfortable we can drop it and give you space from here on out and we’re so sorry for making you-”

“Wait. You guys like me? Like that?”

Sirius snorted at your surprise.

“How could we not? You’re completely captivating. Do you feel the same love?”

“I do, it’s just that I’m not experienced, like, at all. And you guys are so it’s intimidating.”

“We would never want to do anything to make you uncomfortable or unsafe. How about we talk more about this more tomorrow.”

Remus’s words were sincere, and well thought out. Yours were less eloquent, much more desperate sounding than you would have liked.

“No please, I need you now.”

Sirius was a man who smiled a lot. Always quick to let out a genuine, hearty laugh. But this was different. It was a taunting smile, a dangerous smile. And you were completely captivated.

“Yeah? What’s got you so needy love? No one’s done anything yet.”

The table between you felt like it was keeping you miles apart. So you pouted, but Remus tutted.

“Answer his question Pup, good girls speak up when told to.”

“I-I don’t know, I can’t help it. I’ve never felt like this before and I just need you.”

---

Clothes were discarded slower than you deemed necessary. Their clothes at least, not yours. You were only left in your underwear. They really just wanted to take their time with you, not worried about them, but you. You just looked so pretty sprawled out on their bed, it was impossible not to stop and admire your trembling figure. Remus slid behind you, allowing you to rest against his now bare chest. While Sirius knelt in between your legs, hovering over you, thumb running over your bottom lip.

“So pretty baby. Can I take these off now?”

He was referring to your panties and you were all too eager to be rid of them. Except Sirius was still fully clothed, which wasn’t exactly ideal.

“Sure, but could you take this off?” You tugged at the bottom of his shirt suggestively, but Remus was tugging your arms back.

“That’s not how we ask for what we want love, try again.”

You bore into Sirius’s grey eyes. The twinkle of humour was gone, there was love and respect there, but mostly they were filled with hunger. His blatant lust had you nervous, not ever experiencing such intensity before. It had you subconsciously closing your legs. So Sirius was pouting.

“Darling you don’t have to be shy, we like hearing what you have to say.”

You sighed and spread your legs again while Remus robbed your arms soothingly.

“S-siri, can you take off your shirt please. I wanna see you.”

“Good girl for asking so nice.”

He departed from the bed to remove all but his boxers, and it just reaffirmed that you’d be spending hours tracing his tattoos later. Emphasise on the later, cause at the moment you’d rather spend time with him doing something else. He seemed to be feeling much the same, but had to pause to chuckle at your dazed reaction.

“See something you like?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

Remus pressed a kiss to the back of your head.

“Alright love, you ready? Do you want this?”

“Yes, please. Do you want this?”

“Of course love.”

Once Sirius was nestled between your thighs again he gave one reassuring peck before making his journey downward. He started sucking right below your ear, and you were already whimpering. He could get drunk on that noise. All the sounds you released so willingly as he nipped your collar bone, kissed your hip, and sank his teeth into your inner thigh. Right next to where you needed him most. He didn’t give you much time to complain though, cause soon enough that last barrier of clothing was being discarded and your fingers found their way through his black tresses. The vibrations of his moan against your clit had you bucking into his face. He kept his palms planted firmly on your thighs.

“That feel good Puppy? No one’s ever made you feel like this huh? Gotta stay still though, can’t make you feel good of you can’t stay still.”

“F-feels so good.”

“I know baby, Moony how bout you help her practice for another time.”

Remus seemed to understand what he meant and you were confused until-

“Open up pretty girl.”

Until Remus’s fingers were brushing past your lips. You started sucking on them as if it was second nature.

Sirius went back to suckling against your clit, but this time one of his fingers was teasing your entrance. Which once had you whining against Remus’s fingers, so he pulled them out to let you speak.

“What is it baby.”

“P-Please Siri.”

“By that way, how does she taste?”

He answered by inserting his pointer finger briefly before bringing it to Remus’s lips. Remus released it with a dramatic pop.

“Now I think I’m jealous, Hurry up Pads so I can get a turn.”

You never thought you had this type of response in you, but Sirius’s fingers thrusting in and out of you was sending shocks through your body. Every touch burned in the best way possible and it was only a short matter of time until the coil snapped.

“Are you gonna be a good girl and cum for us Y/N?”

“Y-yeah. Please, feels so good.”

“Bet it does, let go for us darling, I know you can.”

He placed delicate kisses across your shoulders as you released all over Sirius’s face and fingers. Despite not being the one who came Sirius parted ruefully with a heaving chest. Remus beckoned him closer and as soon as he was within reach Remus was cleaning off his glistening face with his tongue. A sight you found all too arousing.

“Did so good Y/N, you too Pads. My turn now.”

“Please I need to be inside of her so bad.”

Remus pondered for a moment.

“Could you be gentle with her as she needed. You’d have to be.”

“She was clenching around my fingers… don’t know how I’d respond with her wrapped around my cock. You’re right Moony.”

And there you were, wishing they’d skip the whole talking like you weren’t even there, and just fuck you already. Luckily your desire looked as if it was going to be satiated shortly as Remus and Sirius switched places. When Remus removed his clothes you stared at his member with complete and utter desire. He mistook it for nervousness though.

“It’s alright love, if you want to stop we can. We can go at your pace and I promise if you’re in any pain at all that we can-”

Your voice sounded pained, raspy and desperate as if you were being deprived of oxygen.

“Remmy, I need you. Please I need it so bad.”

He sighed in relief and stroked his length as he settled over top of you.

“I got you. Such a good girl using her manners. Tell me if it hurts at all okay.”

Chest against chest was not close enough, even that could not satisfy the desire, the need, to be close to Remus. It seemed he was replicating your feelings as he drank up every moan that flew past your lips. If Sirius wasn’t rubbing your arms and soothing your hairline you never would have been grounded enough to tell that this was reality.

“Fuck, you weren’t kidding Pads. She’s so tight I can barely move. You feel so good love.”

Your high pitched moans were gradually becoming more staccato as Remus thrust into you.

“I-it’s not my fault you’re so big.”

“S’ not a bad thing at all Pup. You like my cock, you like being stretched out like this?”

“Yes yes yes. So much, please please Da-”

Embarrassment creeped up from the back of your mind, all the way to your cheeks, but Sirius noticed.

“What were you gonna call him baby. C’mon now, don’t be shy.”

Remus halted his movements to stare at your face intently.

“I- I don’t wanna, M’embarrassed”

Remus gave one more thrust to emphasise his point.

“Say it.”

You knew by the stern look on his face it was better to obey, or else you wouldn’t get what you wanted.

“Daddy, please let me cum. You feel so good. You’re so big daddy I-fuck”

You were cut off by your own moaning as Remus proceeded to thrust at a rapid pace.

“Cum then.”

It was like you were being blindsided. If you were standing you would have been knocked off your feet. Sirius held your hand the whole way, and your grip only tightened as Remus chased his own high.

“Where do you want me to cum baby?”

“Please cum inside me Daddy.”

“Yeah, you want Daddy to breed you? So pretty and innocent, didn’t know you were so dirty baby. I’m gonna stuff you full sweet girl- FUCK.”

He bit into your shoulder as he painted your insides with his release, and you found yourself whimpering as he pulled out. Remus was always a good caretaker though.

“It’s alright sweetheart. You did so good. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“No wait-”

“What is it pup?”

“Siri needs to feel good too.”

“If you’re sure then go ahead love.” Remus scootched out of the way so Sirius could situate you where he wanted. And that was face pressed into the mattress apparently. He sheathed himself fully inside of you, pressed his chest against your back so he could reach your ear and whisper.

“My turn, we’ll see who you’re calling Daddy at the end of this.”

---

Bonus

The prospect of war was terrifying. You were so focused on protecting everyone around you. So it was a great comfort knowing, as you slept in between Sirius and Remus, that you had two people who would go to all ends to keep you safe.

Because besides each other they now had something even more undeniably precious.

You.

Their perfect Y/N.

---

@sunny-bunnny @quindolyn @accioweaslcy @bluemoonyblurbs @weasleyposts

#wolfstar #poly wolfstar #wolfstar x reader #wolfstar smut #smut #fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter smut #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black smut #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin smut #sirius black x reader x remus lupin

703 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs