#how do you reconcile that? how do you keep living as someone whos not meant to be alive? whos already paid the price for being worse

[sundybundy]

ive actually decided i hate being an introject so I'm going to be normal now (it was in fact not normal)

#kcposting #I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS AHAHAAH!!!! #most of the time i sit around and I'm aware of my life now and aware of who I am aside from my source but #sometimes i just look down at my hands and I think how did I get here? why me? why did I deserve that? #how do you reconcile that? how do you keep living as someone whos not meant to be alive? whos already paid the price for being worse #whos already been punished. why cant that be the end? #maybe im just being self deprecating but. I don't like being alive sometimes. #i wouldnt kill myself #but how do you watch yourself die and then keep moving? #sorry for being delusional on main but you all should have expected that from me by now #but to me sometimes it feels delusional to pretend I'm not myself #but ever since i showed up here ive felt this way so I try not to blame myself too hard #i mean. i exist for a reason. #i jusst cant stand remembering

[flanaganfilm]

Do you have any “don’t meet your heroes” stories from working in Hollywood?

Absolutely. Hollywood really is a place like no other. If you grow up loving cinema, certain people can take on mythic status in your imagination. Actors, filmmakers; they are larger than life. They become idols in the truest sense - an image that is actually worshipped. But Hollywood is actually full of very weird human beings who have been lucky enough to make their living in a world of make-believe. A huge percentage of the people who work in this industry are strange birds, unsuited for working anywhere else.

Some of our biggest stars wouldn't last ten minutes working a real job; some of our most exalted filmmakers collapse inward if they're in a crowded room. They can have unusual talents, or beauty, or unique perspectives and abilities that have propelled them to various levels of success, or even stardom, but they're just normal, neurotic people.

And success, fame, and money can really twist people. It can be like radiation. They can go full Gollum from it.

But most people who work in Hollywood are not stars at all. The vast majority of people who work here are not rich, not famous. Most are hardworking craftsmen and craftswomen who are fighting every day to make a living, scraping by the best they can in an industry that is brutal, impersonal, and impenetrable. But every single person in this business - whether they are superstars or not - are just ordinary people. They're insecure, anxious, and prone to all of the failings we mortals are prone to. Some of them are awesome; some of them are assholes. But most of the people here (even the superstars) quietly feel like they don't belong, or that they don't deserve it, or that their sheer ordinariness will be discovered any minute. In fact, it's the people who seem to feel the opposite - those rare people who feel that they DO belong here, and deserve the lifestyle this industry can afford, who are inevitably the least likable ones I've met.

As I've been lucky enough to keep working in this business, I've met a lot of the people who I idolized along the way. Filmmakers and actors who I admire so much, whose work has shaped the trajectory of my life without them knowing it. I've been starstruck every time, and I am still am - I stammer, I freeze, and I kick myself for what I say, or don't say, or how I said it. I'm not good at it. I have acute social anxiety, and when you throw me at someone I admire, I turn into a blubbering idiot. They say "don't meet your heroes" because you may (likely will) be disappointed by just how ordinary they truly are. Or worse, they may even turn out to be people you wouldn't want to interact with in normal circumstances - your heroes might be people you wouldn't want to invite to coffee. The persona you have admired is a product in itself, something you bought, something you have taken home and displayed proudly in your imagination... but the human being behind that persona is full of all the ordinary failings. That can be really hard to reconcile. So yeah, a long-winded way of saying that I've had the experience of meeting people I admired a great deal only to be disappointed, or worse. I've got some nightmare stories in there where the actual person violently shattered the idol I'd built in my imagination. I won't share those stories, there's little point in that, but instead I'll talk about the rare exceptions - the few heroes I've met who were every bit as awesome as I'd hoped they'd be. They may say "never meet your heroes," but they haven't met Mark Hamill. I worked with Mark on The Fall of the House of Usher, and he is one of my favorite people. Kind, generous, humble, and so, so funny. I was nervous and excited to meet Mark for the obvious reasons, because of the hero he was in my imagination - but I got to meet Mark the actor, the father, the husband, the humanitarian, and the friend. Guillermo Del Toro - one of my biggest heroes, his work has meant so much to me. And I was terrified to meet him. But he is one of the most joyful, honest, sweet-natured people I've met in the business, and his love for movies is infectious. For me, the man himself exceeded the myth.

I've been lucky to meet other exceptions to this rule, heroes of mine who exceeded my expectations - Ewan McGregor, Mick Garris, Brian Henson, Heather Langenkamp, Henry Thomas - and yeah, I've had the other experience too. But I try to focus on the exceptions. It can be unhealthy to idolize people - unhealthy for you, and unhealthy for them. But it's truly awesome when someone is even more amazing than you imagined.

#never meet your heroes most of the time #except Mark Hamill

[writtenontheport]

Hey, would you write Anthony Lockwood x reader, in which George and Lucy are fed up with the reader and Lockwood arguing and lock them in the basement for the whole night until they reconcile, and at the same time profess their love for each other. Thanks in advance

Skeletons in the Closet but it’s Actually Just Us

Anthony Lockwood x (gn) reader

Warnings/Tags: Romcom levels of fluff, You’ve Got Mail level of romcom, no suggestive content, Lucy and George friendship, They are deeply fed up, ‘Locked in a cupboard until they confess’ trope, Lockwood is a silly guy, confessions, Reader is a bit of a grumpy person, Valid tbh when the love of their life is some self-sacrificing bozo, A bit of angst given the nature of the Problem, mentions of death,

Notes: Just reviewed all the romcoms I’ve watched these past few weeks so this might be extra cheesy. Also I am rereading your request, anon and I am so sorry but I misread it so BAD 💀But also I changed the time a bit from it being night to it being right after a case! I’m so sorry this isn’t how your request put it 😭 I have terrible reading skills VERY LOOSELY EDITED AND SHORT

Summary: You and Lockwood are unable to voice your own feelings for each other, which frustrates Lucy and George enough to take action. An argument, locked storage, and a heart to heart about the nature of your world later, you’re setting up… a date..???

Anthony John Lockwood was an annoying prat who strutted about like a peacock in desperate need of a slap. Now this frustration is usually the result of something smaller; minute, you might even say, but today— oh, today.

“You ran straight into danger—“ You repeat yourself for what must be the 4th time the past hour. Anthony is sitting across from you in the kitchen “—even though George and I had specifically warned you—“

“Lucy went in too!” He blurts, throwing his shoulders up.

“Keep me out of this,” Lucy hisses, narrowing her eyes at him, “I actually brought iron chains with me.”

You gesture at her wildly, nodding in vindication as you turn back to Lockwood, “Exactly. Lucy knew what she was doing, you were just being reckless! I basically had a heart attack when that Visitor nearly ghost-touched you because you—“

“I didn’t need you to push me aside and put yourself in danger, though!” He hissed, just as frustrated. “I knew what I was doing. I’m very well aware of how it looked like, but I swear I knew what I was doing. Even if… I did need your help getting out of the trouble I put myself in after.”

A pregnant pause hangs in the air, frustration and worry laying under tension so thick you could it with a knife. You look away first with a defeated huff. Lockwood raises a brow and his lips split into a wobbly smile, the charming bastard. He lounges back into his seat and rests one arm on the table in front of him— a gesture for your hand. The look would have been more impactful if a bruise wasn’t already forming on cheek and there wasn’t blood drying on his brow. Still, you make your way over to him to fix his tie (which had gotten caught on banisters during the case) and push his collar up. He beams at you when you pat his jacket neat, but you’re still upset.

“Reckless… stupid prick…” You mumble, brushing his hair with your hands.

Under you, Lockwood’s grin grows just the faintest bit soft as he lolls his head back just to watch your frown.

“I think, hear me out, this is just because you’re worried about me,” Lockwood hums.

You scoff, tugging his tie down harshly, “Someone has to with how little you seem to worry about your own life. Like, seriously Anthony? Our lives are on the line—“

“Want to go on a date?” He asks, interrupting you. You choke on air and quickly let go to swat at his chest. Even if he meant that jokingly, something blazing seemed to unfurl in your chest and stuttered your breathing. You’re usually warm around Lockwood, human heater that he was, but this was a feeling that had your palms clammy and your teeth burried into your lips.

“Now is not the time to joking, Lockwood,” you grit out.

“Well I’m not. I really mean—“ he starts, but the sound of a clang startles you both. Lockwood springs up and takes your hand in his, putting himself between you and the basement door. You look around to find Lucy, but her chair’s empty and pushed in. Worry seeps into your bones with a familiarity like the hand holding yours.

“Lucy? George?” Lockwood calls out, stepping closer to find the door ajar.

Distantly you hear both of them call for you and Lockwood, sounding distressed. You push yourself in front of Lockwood into the spiral staircase down, dismissing the small click of his tongue from behind you.

“You’re being reckless now,” He whispers harshly, which you ignore.

It’s a quick trip to the bottom (with Lockwood likely frowning the whole way down), as you rush into the basement. Lucy and George are standing by the ‘high security’ storage room, something unreadable and determined in their expressions. You rush forward, checking on both of them and giving each a hug after.

You flutter about them both, brows furrowed in worry, “Are you two alright? Are you hurt? Is everything—“

From behind you, Lockwood’s hands rest on your shoulders then rub up and down along your arms in a soothing gesture. “What’s happened?”

Lucy gives George a look, and he clears his throat to say, “We found something in the storage. I couldn’t see it that well, and Lucy—“

Lockwood, the absolutely reckless prick, was already making his way inside. You take a breath through your nose and follow right after him, sending reassuring smiles to Lucy and George as you step in. You whip back to glare at Lockwood’s head, ever the reckless hero he was.

“Lockwood don’t just walk in without even hearing about the situation.” You check a shelf for the sources you keep locked away, Lockwood taking the opposite. A quiet moment passes as you run a hand along the line of the shelf, trying to sense for anything out of the ordinary.

“Probably a Visitor took a break from being in one of our… usually foolproof containers.” He looks over a small, see-through box to check for any cracks or breakage.

You whip back to glare at him, feeling not only worried, but frustrated as well. “Which is exactly why you shouldn’t have just waltzed in, Anthony. This is exactly what I mean when I say you’re completely reckless sometimes—“

The door to the high security storage clicks closed, and you both startle. You make your way over to push the door open, but the lock is keeping it shut.

“Shit,” Lockwood rasps out. Yeah, that’s fair.

When you got home from the case that day, you didn’t think the rest of the night would be spent being locked in the basement storage for the next morning. After a quick argument with Lucy and George (who promised to be back whenever ‘you two (you and Lockwood) had stopped arguing and acting like idiots’) where they had insisted they wouldn’t be too far and to just yell for them if anything went wrong.

Now, Lockwood sat beside you with your backs to the door. Lucy had had the foresight to leave you behind with medical supplies, and you found one of George’s sticky notes on a tray of quick snacks. Messily scrawled in the way only George ever could, was Get yourselves together, thanks.

If getting yourselves in order and making up looked like awkward silence and Anthony’s self-soothing stretching and everything you did to self-soothe, then it was looking fantastic. Lockwood had yet to say anything but a few curses when he tried to open the door, though he’d given up half an hour in. Now it was just you two munching on biscuits in a semi-awkward silence.

“I meant it, you know,” He says suddenly, as you’re patching him up and cleaning his wounds. His eyes don’t mean yours when you look up, but you know what he means.

“It was a terrible time to suggest that kind of thing, Anthony,” You bite back, careful to dress his wrist properly.

“I meant it though.” He says sincerely; challengingly. He was always like this, baiting for you to fight back or ague for more, even if you could never tell why.

“Then we’d go on a date, do whatever it is people who like each other do, then I…” you rest your fingers over his open palm, and he slides his own in the spaces between yours “… I watch you throw yourself into danger— into sure death and just wait for either our talents to dry up or for either of us to die?”

“No,” he hums, peering at you through his long lashes, “Well, sort of, just—“

“What else, Anthony?”

“I wouldn’t word it like that.” He squeezes your hand and you purse your lips. Here you are with someone you love dearly wondering if the next time either of you go out there someone dies.

“Then how would you word it, Lockwood?” You want to hope, voice cracking under the weight of your need. Your soft heart lurches from the thick walls of your chest— through the ribs and the muscle and whatever the fuck else was there— reaching with its sharp claws for a scrap.

“We… go on a date. Because I like you and you like me, and because even without the problem hanging over us, we could die at any minute. I, for one, wouldn’t want to waste any of it I could have with you, now or after.” Like a ray of hope, the twinkle in his eyes. Like a ray of hope, that punchable, kissable grin. Your heart lurches and your breath stutters.

You take a free hand to tuck loose strands of his hair out of his face, humming, “How are you so sure I like you, Lockwood?”

“I don’t,” he admits sheepishly. He’s boyish like this, whispering and grinning at you with something not so cocky and infuriatingly cute. “Just a guess really.”

“George told you.” Even though you never told George.

“George did tell me he had a theory, yes… Backed it up with evidence and everything”

You glare at him for a moment, this ray of hope your heart has chosen to cling onto in these times and troubles, and find yourself faltering.

“One condition. Then we can go on however many dates you want for however long you’ll have me,” you offer, dropping your hands down to look proper into his face.

“Anything,” he says easily, shuffling closer to you.

“Try not to be so reckless. We can’t have you dying before even the first one— or any of them, understand?” You pinch his nose lightly, earning a gentle swat back from him.

“You have to try, too. I can’t lose you either.” He brings your hands to his lips, pressing kisses along each knuckle.

I love you goes unspoken, but he sees it in the way you smile so warmly at him, and you see it in the way he holds your hands like it’s the world. Not today, but maybe someday you will tell each other. Today you yell for George and Lucy to finally let you both out and face the world hand in hand.

A/N: I’m such a fan for the “couple who’s not yet a couple bicker endlessly with each other over every little thing” cause I find it so cute. I am a ‘love at first argument’ girlie to the core. Some of my most major crushes have been people I argue with near constantly. Also, because you didn’t anon specify I flipped a coin and it landed on (gn).

Side note: This is especially short because I’m still thinking on how to go about a few things I’m writing. Been having ideas for an angst fic for either Lockwood or Lucy (x reader, ofc) and continuing George’s series because I am deeply in love with him

#anthony lockwood x you #lockwood x reader #lockwood x you #anthony lockwood x reader #portie writes fanfic

[neonscandal]

some questions about jujutsu I would appreciate it if you could answer me. 1. do you think megumi and itadori are a comparison to geto and gojo? 2. What do you find most tragic about geto and gojo's relationship? 3.if geto didn't exist, who would you ship gojo with? ps; I would ship toji and gojo.

Answering these out of order to hide spoilers!

3. If Geto didn't exist, I would ship Gojo with Nanami. Nanami would be bothered 600% of the time.

2.Most tragic is the fact that, while Gojo always looked at Geto's soul and accepted him unconditionally, Geto thought their relationship was over the moment he chose to leave Jujutsu High and they never reconciled this disparity while living. If you want an exhaustive list of the things that rot my brain and prevent me from remembering basic things like my childhood and the Pythagorean theorem, please, feel free to read this recently updated and ongoing list. 😭

Lastly, yes, I think ItaFushi are meant to be a parallel to SatoSugu. See below for why!

⚠️ Spoiler Warning through JJK chapter 247.

The comparison isn't perfect but I don't know that it's meant to be.

I feel like I reference Naruto a lot for having not seen it but I'm pretty sure it's a solid example of the generational failures of the Uchiha clans and the Hidden Leaf Village as overcome by Sasuke and Naruto, respectively.

I think that JJK could be a circular story (check out the Rick & Morty progression, in particular) and that SatoSugu and ItaFushi seem to run as parallels. To simplify, we'll break it up by the OG for parallels:

SATORU

and Megumi (he got blue eyes when he's supposed to have green.. 💎👄💎)

Born of Jujutsu royalty with a familial technique

Familial technique damns them to a burden of responsibility. Gojo became the head of the Gojo clan, Megumi is bought and sold but effectively abdicates his place with the Zenin

When given the chance, relents to leverage the value of his cursed technique to protect others that they deem deserving. Gojo protects Megumi, Yuta and Yuji; Megumi protects Tsumiki and later, Yuji.

In spite of the above, will execute their responsibilities of a sorcerer but will also pick and choose if they will do something outside of that obligation. Think back to Megumi's moral judgement when it came to those in the detention center and Gojo's willingness to act outside of direct orders because... he could.

Just leaving the visual evidence of these little weirdos

and Yuji

The Sun characters but not without shadow.

Blessed births, even though Yuji's was... untraditional, it forged him as a powerful vessel with inhuman strength without a heavenly restriction.

Anomalous strength. Gojo for Six Eyes and Limitless which haven't been seen together in one user in over 100 years. Yuji is able to produce Black Flashes at will and at a rate which is canonically uncommon.

Experienced death and rebirth which brought about change in them. Gojo found enlightenment; Yuji, while in hiding, experienced loss, the tragedy of which marked him noticeably.

They both know the alienation of greatness. Both undergo power ups shattering the ceiling of their previously understood power thresholds and go beyond the comprehension or without the knowledge of their counterparts. Gojo, I think, knew that it would foundationally upset something between he and Geto. Yuji probably just thinks he is getting acclimated to the new world he finds himself within and doesn't realize how insane his glow up has been.

Guilt for not being able to save someone "close to them". Gojo, obviously, with Geto and Yuji with Junpei, initially, but that list has grown. Exponentially.

SUGURU

and Megumi

The Moon characters but they have something worth fighting for that gives them an air of light.

Both believe in and will act on behalf of the weak. Geto believes the strong should protect the weak and keep the strong in check. Megumi believes that if someone cannot observe the basic tenet of don't kill me, I won't kill you, he should exact punishment whether the person infringed on this basic law with him or not.

Despite their code, they still develop or have a discerning application of their morals.

But what happens when that morality is tested? Geto realizes the weak are capable of harm when he discovers the abuse of Nanako and Himiko. Megumi, if he hasn't already, will eventually come to understand that saving Yuji came at the cost of countless lives, including that of Tsumiki, in a way, even if she died by his own hand.

Know intimately the loss of someone they were close with only to find that person returned to them.. but different.

Feeling left behind by the power ups of their counterparts, they are left to their own devices. Notably, Geto spirals into depression and PTSD, Megumi, citing the difference, asks Gojo for additional lessons so he doesn't fall behind.

Doomed by the narrative? or at least by their power. Kenjaku covets Geto's body for the hold it has over Gojo and, possibly, the cursed technique that enabled him to espouse Mahito and Tengen's techniques. Sukuna covets Megumi for Ten Shadows.

Subsequently, both are possessed by something that easily outclasses them but they still are able to rebel when fighting against their counterparts. Geto's corpse strangles Kenjaku in Shibuya; Megumi manipulates how much cursed energy is output when Sukuna fights against Yuji.

Both of them recognize that, despite their counterpart's strength, they are still deserving of concern and worry. This is likely informed by the knowledge of their own weakness and inability to protect.

and Yuji

Outsiders to jujutsu society

Get their power/strength from ingesting something unholy; curses or cursed relics. Either way, both seem to beg the question of how long one can you these things before it poisons something within you?

Earnestly want to help people with a martyr mentality. The idea being, if I am the only one with this power then it's my responsibility to do something; Geto with his role as a sorcerer and Yuji as the only person who can consume Sukuna

Subsequently damned by this noble desire. Geto finds that the sacrifice is no longer palatable after the sacrifices of Riko and Haibara and the abuse of Nanako and Himiko. Yuji experiences survivors' guilt for every slight Sukuna is able to inflict while he continues to live.

A pattern of failure to protect (Riko and Junpei) followed by the loss of a companion (Haibara and Nanami, and what a way for their deaths to mirror one another...) as an impetus for great change in their characters.

The wealth of their goodness has the potential to cause just as big a vacuum of negativity when they break. Arguably this is what pushes the invisible hand that guides the events that radicalizes Geto and informs Mahito's insistence to break Yuji's soul.

Speaking of souls - this idea of their soul's in particularly. Gojo seeing and recognizing Geto's. Mahito feeling the edge of Yuji/Sukuna's soul. We see that Sukuna can aim attacks at Megumi's soul but... why did the goodness in Geto's persist for Gojo to love him unconditionally? How did Yuji's soul withstand external attacks from Mahito and internal attacks from Sukuna?

Where SatoSugu's fatal flaw was hubris, we don't see that with ItaFushi and that, perhaps, is the biggest indication that they're correcting the faults of their forebears while also suffering the repercussions of their failure.

Gege Akutami could absolutely have the whole story end in flames, don't get me wrong. I would 10,000% be invested to the very last page. There's no guarantee that this is a circular story, that any of these characters find peace or that any of them even survive but I can't help but see the similarities, at least as far these four are concerned.

#neon asks #anon asks #we are the strongest #manga with me #manga with me jjk #jjk angst #satosugu #itafushi #itfs #stsg #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #satosugu brainrot #jjk brainrot #satosugu angst #jjk analysis #geto suguru #satoru gojo #anime #manga #jjk meta #character analysis #gojo satoru #suguru geto #yuji itadori #itadori yuji #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #jjk theory

[hamliet]

So, Harry Potter ask here:

This one might sound a bit controversial to comment on, I hope it doesn't bother you. What is your opinion about the narrative redeeming Snape, a former Death Eater (the blood supremacists guys), just because of his guilt and love for Harry’s mother. I see a lot of discussions on this topic (Snape himself is already a controversial character, so I guess it's no surprise there are so many discussions around him), remembering you I got curious to know what your thoughts on this subject.

No worries!

I see Snape as a character who is far and away the most complex character of Harry Potter. Now, HP's a fairy tale in principle, so most of its characters are not overly complex. But Snape is (and so is Dumbledore). But I think some people can have trouble processing complex characters inside fairly straightfoward, simple stories, which isn't necessarily the fault of the story.

While She Who Must Not Be Named has had a lot of "..." takes to her own works (and horrid takes elsewise), I do think she's not wrong about her statement on Snape: that he was a hero, and he was a bully, both at the same time. He just was. There's no excusing his treatment of his students. His heroism and sacrifice without any guarantee that he would be remembered as anything other than a traitor was brave.

So, not only is Snape complex, but he embodies the old adage "hurting people hurt people." His childhood is also extremely hard to read about--it sounds agonizing. Snape does grow up to bully others because he was himself bullied horribly--not just by his peers, but at home, where his father abused both him and his mother.

Another potential stumbling block for Snape's "redemption" is that it gets to the heart of what a redemption is. Is it actually a change in character? Or is it a change in how the reader perceives the character? Because technically, in universe, Snape's been redeemed since before Harry was born. It's just that our reactions to him change after the reveal in the last book. And, he was still hurting people while being a hero. (Antihero?) So, how should we feel about him?

I'm going to say that's exactly the question we're supposed to be asking, actually.

And to determine what asking that question gets us, let's look at Snape as a foil to other characters. Snape is a very good foil for Dumbledore, Harry, and Voldemort. Actually, these four all foil each other quite a bit, and it's in their foilings that we come to an understanding of the story's themes.

Like Dumbledore, Snape is somewhat morally gray. We're meant to ask the complicated questions at the end of the last book, which was all about wrestling with the legacy of heroes who turned out to be very flawed. Snape is cruel to Harry, but is ultimately determined to keep him alive no matter what because that is what Lily would have wanted. Dumbledore is loving and a good mentor to Harry, but does all of this while knowing that Harry would have to die in the end. Snape even calls Dumbledore out on this. Dumbledore also allows Harry to stay in two abusive situations--the Dursleys and Snape--for the ultimate benefit of protecting him... so he can eventually sacrifice himself.

If someone is horrible to you but ultimately determined to keep you alive no matter what, are they a worse person to you than someone who is nice to you and believes you must die, even if they are devastated by this?

This is why I really roll my eyes at people not understanding the purpose of "Albus Severus Potter" at the end. It's so dismissed and derided, but it's narratively perfect. (Especially in! A! Fairy tale!)

The names aren't about Harry and how he feels about these men. They are names that are significant symbolically for showing how Harry has reconciled these two complicated legacies, and will keep reconciling with them because their legacies are literally alive and living on (and the weight of having legacies and the question of whether you're seen as yourself is exactly what The Cursed Child explores.)

In the end, both Snape and Dumbledore achieved their goals: Harry is alive, and he died to vanquish Voldemort. All is well. Their legacies live on in a literal new life, who gets to decide for himself what his own legacy will be in TCC. Meaning, even if Harry acknowledges their flaws, he chooses to appreciate their lives. Instead of being kept in the dark, ignorant about his endgame and ignorant of his mother's history, he sees, and he gets to determine how he feels about it all. It's empowerment, not capitulation. It's maturity, embodying the macrocosm (appreciating the big picture) in the microcosm (a single person). (Also, yes, Dumbledore's "the greater good" struggles with Gindelwald tie into this idea, wherein via Snape and Dumbledore's opposite approaches/reasoning to protecting Harry, we see that the greater good vs the individual is not necessarily a dichotomy after all. So having a character literally embody both in the end is--perfect.)

Snape, Harry, and Voldemort all grew up unloved. The difference is that Harry is able to find himself surrounded by loving friends at a point. Snape is able to find one person to love. Tom Riddle isn't able to find anyone, and hence he becomes Voldemort. That shred of love inside Snape saves not just himself spiritually, but Harry physically. Because love is like that. It's the most powerful magic, after all.

As for the whole idea of showing Snape as redeemable thanks to love--I mean, listen, as someone raised in a cult, people need to realize that people inside these cults--even extremist, evil ones--need someone or something to motivate them to leave. They were a person before their joined the cult (unless you were brought up in it) and they're still a person. Giving someone ties to the outside is exactly how most of them will come to realize they have options. No, not everyone has to forgive them or be willing to extend a hand. We can't be everything to everyone. But if someone can, that doesn't mean they're excusing the inexcusable. They're just recognizing the humanity inside them. And even if no one does, the person in the cult can decide to love someone and leave. It's hopeful. It's a fairy tale, and love wins.

#ask hamliet #hp #harry potter meta #tw #just in case bc i know a lot of ppl can't with it nowadays #severus snape #snape meta

[coramatus]

Black Reshiram AU - part 3

Part 1 - Part 2

Emmet has to take a few days off work. The revelations that Ingo shared were just too much.

He spends the time cuddling his and his brother’s Pokémon teams. The gathered Pokémon do their best to take care of him in turn, keeping him fed and functional. They can do little more than watch in sadness as he cries.

To know that he was so close to getting his brother back, only to lose him to the machinations of higher powers…

It’s not fair… why did they both have to suffer for another’s amusement?

If Emmet ever meets Reshiram, he’ll… Well, he won’t be able to do anything really. But he’ll certainly give that feathery jerk a piece of his mind, Legendary Unovan dragon or not! And to think he liked Reshiram too!

It’s a lot to reconcile.

He wonders how Ingo is doing…

Ingo is not faring much better. He hides away in a cave, curled up in his dragon form, struggling to come to terms with his new reality.

But it feels impossible. Anger and guilt keep bubbling up, constantly reminding him of the unfairness of it all. Why should he have to suffer for the poor choices of others?

But that’s not fair either.

Everyone made the choices they thought best. His parent did it out of a love so misguided and oblivious that only a near-immortal could conceive it. And the old Ingo hadn’t known the full picture before agreeing to essentially die.

Current Ingo didn’t ask for any of this. He’d been perfectly happy living as a dragon, doing whatever he pleased. And now he’s stuck with a mess he didn’t even cause.

But Ingo is not so heartless as to be blind to the greatest victim in all of this:

Emmet.

Ingo’s heart aches at the thought of his once brother left all alone, going through life with half his soul ripped out. He had no voice in the matter and yet he still lost half of his world. Emmet deserves better. He deserves his Ingo, whole and home again. He doesn’t deserve some sad echo of his dead brother. Perhaps he would heal with time, but to even make him suffer through that pain in the first place is unconscionable.

Ingo doesn’t want to abandon Emmet.

But it’s better for everyone if Ingo stays away. He’ll only complicate and confuse things with his identity issues. This mess doesn’t need new layers of mistakes added on top.

Yet he still has no idea what he truly wants out of all this.

Ingo shifts and catches sight of Chandelure’s ball tucked in a safe corner. The urge to talk to someone suddenly proves too strong and without thinking, he releases her.

Chandelure pops out looking a bit rough around the edges, her flames dimmer and glass cloudier than it should be. Her eyes grow wide upon seeing him, her glass ringing out in surprise at the black dragon laying before her.

“…hello,” Ingo awkwardly greets her, lowering his head to her level.

Chandelure stares at him long and hard before asking, “…Ingo?? Is that you?”

Ingo winces and sadly informs her of his circumstances, that he’s just her trainer’s reincarnation and not the actual person she knew.

Chandelure floats over him, carefully scrutinizing his massive feathered form. Reincarnation certainly explains why his soul is in a dragon’s body now.

Ingo tries to argue, but Chandelure doesn’t care as she happily cuddles up against his feathery cheek. To her, Ingo is still Ingo even if he is a Legendary Pokémon now.

Her words remind him of his parent’s odd reassurance over a century ago, that he is Ingo no matter what. Now that he knows what his parent meant, it makes even less sense.

“I don’t understand. I have the old Ingo’s memories but… but they just don’t fit anymore. It feels wrong… like I stole his place.”

“That’s not how I see it,” Chandelure hums. “At your core, you’re still that little boy who caught me as a Litwick all those years ago.”

Ingo winces, “Then, why doesn’t it feel like that?”

Chandelure sighs sadly, but with understanding, “Reincarnation is tricky, even for ghosts. But sometimes bonds can transcend lifetimes. Maybe a bit more literally in your case.”

Ingo isn’t what to make of all this. Everything was dumped on him so suddenly; he isn’t ready for any of it.

Chandelure senses his distress and presses him to talk to Emmet again. She knows how desperately Emmet has missed Ingo. And it's clear to her that even with the reincarnation, part of Ingo desperately misses Emmet too.

Though he can’t deny it, Ingo is still reluctant. He doesn’t think that’s fair to Emmet. It’ll only confuse things between them. He just can’t be Emmet’s brother. He’s physically not that person anymore.

Why not? Chandelure points out that Emmet’s soul is still linked to Ingo’s, there’s nothing stopping them from forging a new bond. It doesn’t have to be that of siblings; they can still be friends, can’t they?

But Ingo still worries. It can’t be that simple… Emmet probably hates him for what he stands for…

At this, Chandelure bonks his snout with a sconce. Emmet doesn’t have a single hateful bone in his body! He is upset and he is hurting, but there is absolutely no way that he hates dragon Ingo. Emmet wouldn’t have given him her ball if he were that upset.

Besides, Ingo is hurting just as much. He needs someone besides just her to be there for him.

Ingo considers Chandelure’s words. He isn’t sure if she’s right, if Emmet would want him in his life at all. But she has a point. Moping in a cave won’t give him answers. If Ingo talks to Emmet, if he gets that ultimate rejection… at least then he’ll know he can move on from his past life completely.

With a soft sigh, Ingo shifts back to his human form. Chandelure floats up to him and he presses his forehead against her glass globe. He agrees to go back to see Emmet. Possibly for the last time. But he has an odd feeling that won’t be the case.

Four days after Ingo’s last visit, Emmet gets a knock at the door. He’s still shaken up and not feeling particularly sociable but answers it nonetheless.

He’s surprised at what he finds.

He hadn’t expected to see Ingo again. At all.

Ingo looks just as tired and miserable as Emmet. His black, feathered dress is a ruffled mess. He keeps his gaze lowered, ashamed.

“…you came back,” is all Emmet can say, clear shock coloring his otherwise dull, hoarse voice.

Ingo visibly winces and says with an uncharacteristic softness, “I… I wanted to talk to you.”

Part of Emmet’s spirit lifts with hope but the more realistic side of him knows better. If Ingo wanted to come back, he’d have said so already. What Ingo wants from him this time, he has no clue. But Emmet is patient and lets Ingo in. He has to hold himself back from simply clinging to Ingo as hard as he can.

Though Emmet is encouraged to see Chandelure hovering at Ingo’s side, her flames burning much brighter than before. She gently bumps her glass against Emmet’s forehead in a familiar act of comfort and he closes his eyes, leaning into her touch. With that, he follows Ingo to the kitchen table.

Their talk is an uncomfortable one.

Ingo speaks first. He expresses his hopes that Emmet can offer some insights as to their next steps. Does he want to be brothers again? Does he want Ingo out of his life? There’s so many ways to move forward but Ingo doesn’t have a clue which tracks to follow.

But all his questions do is uncover the uncertainty that Emmet feels. In growing frustration, Emmet openly admits that he doesn’t know the right choice any more than Ingo’s parent did. Hell, he knows even less about whether or not there is a right choice!! As Emmet starts to break down and cry, he buries his face in his hands, whimpering that all he knows is that he is so tired of being by himself.

Without another word, Ingo steps forward and wraps Emmet up in a hug. Emmet sobs and hugs Ingo back, practically collapsing in his arms. As they sit there embracing each other, Ingo decides that maybe this is enough to start with.

That night, Ingo stays by Emmet’s side, gently comforting him to the best of his ability. Emmet eventually falls asleep crying, cradling Ingo’s hand against his chest.

When Emmet wakes up, he’s alone. For a moment he wonders if last night was just a dream. Then the smell of cooking catches his attention. He gets up to find Ingo making breakfast. He looks a little strange doing this in his feathery dress and long hair, but otherwise it feels like a normal morning before Ingo… Emmet shakes himself off and shyly approaches. Ingo quietly passes him a plate of food before going back to cooking for the Pokémon. Emmet feels his heart twist in his chest at seeing the meal made for him. It’s all his favorites. He sits down with a soft thank you and starts to eat. It’s not long before he’s sniffling, his eyes stinging slightly from forming tears. He laughs between a full mouth as he starts to cry. Ingo drops what he’s doing and moves to Emmet’s side, but Emmet shakes his head and swallows his food. He just… he needs a moment… the food tastes just the way his brother made it…

Ingo hovers uncertainly before reaching out to rest a hand on Emmet’s back. He quietly rubs between Emmet’s shoulders as he cries, at a loss. As Emmet slowly calms down, Ingo apologizes for causing him so much pain. He knew that being here would just make things worse. If Emmet wants him out, he’ll go, no questions asked.

To his surprise, Emmet is quick to grab his hand, asking, almost begging Ingo to stay. It will be strange and uncomfortable and heartbreaking, but he does want Ingo to stay. He meant what he said before; he does not wish to be alone anymore.

Ingo considers this solemnly.

He gently squeezes Emmet’s hand.

“I’ll stay,” he softly promises.

If the pain in their hearts eases for just a moment, then they don’t say anything.

#pokemon #pokemon legends arceus #pokemon black and white #pokemon black 2 and white 2 #black reshiram au #submas #subway boss ingo #warden ingo #subway boss emmet #reshiram #chandelure #wow this took forever to finish sheesh

[heybaetae]

alright, his letter really got me.

if i can get kinda personal really quick—which i usually avoid doing too much—i promise it’s warranted if you feel like reading to the end of this post in which i’m about to share some things about a deeply painful experience i went through this year and am still enduring the weight of. if you follow me closely enough, you probably know what i’m referring to…

before i do though, i want to mention how truly mind blowing it is that someone who already means a lot to you can somehow keep becoming more and more important as time goes on without even doing much, really, just by being there. since the start of the year, i have not been in the best mental state. i suffer from anxiety and depression which causes me to have a really tough time sleeping and it’s only gotten worse over the months.

i cannot stress enough how many times jungkook lifted my spirit and my mood on some of my worst days/nights since he started doing his frequent weverse lives. it sounds bleak to say because it is, but he was one of the only constant sources of light in my life this year. i can’t tell you how many times it felt like whenever i was feeling my lowest or was riddled with dread about something, i’d suddenly get a notif that he was live. like he’d just pop up when i’d need a distraction the most. even if it was a temporary relief, it would often help take my mind off of things and sometimes it was the only time i’d smile or laugh in an entire week. he was already such a comforting person to me, but it was only amplified every time he went live seeking the same feeling and i quickly found a lot of solace in the thought that we both seeked a familiar warmth for a while. i think a lot of people felt the same. i was seriously getting though the first half of the year thanks to the music the members were releasing and jk’s lives. that’s it. not much else was driving me forward.

then june 11th happened. that morning, i was woken up by my mom telling me my older sister was unresponsive in the hospital. i won’t go into specifics of what happened, but i ended up spending the whole day at home alone while the rest of my family rushed to the hospital. i couldn’t go with them. i knew i wasn’t going to be able to handle it and that made me feel absolutely riddled with guilt. instead, i spent hours in bed just waiting for text updates of what was going on, but they were few and far between. all i’d been told was that they were going to turn her life support off at some point in the day and i hadn’t heard anything after that for a few hours, so i didn’t know if it had happened yet or not for what felt like ages. i felt totally in the dark.

so i was laying there feeling numb, not doing anything but trying to reconcile with losing a sibling so soon and staring at my phone, willing news to come through but also praying it would stay silent. in my denial, silence meant what was happening wasn’t actually happening.

then that 🌟 JK live notif came through out of no where and i felt my heart literally stutter because there was just no fucking way. this was the first time i’d ever gotten that notif at that hour in my timezone. he rarely did morning lives, what on earth could he be doing? why now? why why why?

absolutely nothing in that moment was more important than my sister and what my family was experiencing, but there was literally nothing that i or anyone could do. i was helpless and unable to process the million thoughts and questions running through my head. in my desperate need for that familiar comfort, that distraction, i eagerly clicked the notif and was faced with those big, ridiculous brown eyes blinking at me sideways over the top of a blanket in his bed too. “you can’t be serious,” i said to my screen out loud and then i fucking laughed. incredulously, in disbelief, in amusement, in horror, in grief, in happiness, all of the above.

“how did you know?” i wanted to sob, but all i could do was keep laying there, practically comatose (for lack of a better word), as i watched who had steadily become what felt like my closest and dearest friend across the ocean tell me he wanted company falling asleep. it almost felt like a sick joke the universe was playing on me. like hey, you need a distraction from something really bad happening and it’s not gonna change a thing and it’s parasocial as fuck, but it’s literally the only thing that’s been working so far up until this point aka the lowest point. so here he is, the booooy.

anyway, he fell asleep. i finally rested my eyes. my thoughts calmed down for a brief while. frankly, at the risk of sounding insane, i felt like i was being looked after. supported? no, he had no clue. he was in dreamland and his arm was twitching. he hadn’t even said much after the first few minutes and once he passed out, all that mattered until it would inevitably be cut off was the fact that he was just… there.

my sister passed away not too long after the live was turned off. i wasn’t told until a couple hours later, but the fact is this: in the hour leading up to it, i was successfully distracted and i was comforted. of course, it didn’t last long but it had helped me in the moment i most needed it (again, but x10000) and i am forever in jungkook’s debt for those last few moments of solitude before my entire year was flipped on a permanent axis that day. i’m with one less sister and the grief has been insurmountable.

so i just wanna say if it’s seemed like i’ve been leaning a bit more on jungkook than usual this year, this is why. he’s just been an angel for me, quite literally. it’s also why i refuse to entertain any messages i receive slandering him for whatever reason or accusing me of favoring him over anyone else lately when that’s just not the case. i’m just trying to get by. i’m channeling my grief into my content, my creations, and in doing so, i am channeling my love and appreciation into what is getting me through it the most. so it’s a waste of time to twist it into something it isn’t and i’ll only ever give you a pity laugh and move on. none of the kpop industry jargon that people get mad about these days matters to me at all and life is too short to waste being angry about shit you can’t control. you don’t know what people are going through and you don’t know what someone means to someone else or why. so put your energy towards things that make you happy instead. you’ll feel better. i never owed an explanation, but there it is if you’ve been looking for one.

to wrap this up, i didn’t think i’d ever write any of this down and i could probably write essays just as long as this one for all the other members and what they did for me this year too. it’s going to be incredibly hard to see them go. my ult bias for-fucking-ever, my taehyung, i simply do not know how i’m going to get through my days without him. i just can’t picture or fathom it and i don’t fucking want to. he’s my favorite person in the world. i will be so empty with him gone. there are no words for how painful it’ll be so i’m not even gonna try to find them. my sweet jimin who also brings so much comfort and hilarity into my life, i simply cannot stomach the thought of him going away. my dear namjoon who i swear to god yanks my ass back up above water when i feel like i’m drowning in my feelings and inspires me to be better, what the hell am i gonna do? i’m already spiraling without yoongi’s tranquility. and of course, jungkook, who you now know has just been an incredibly special presence in my life this year. someone i’ve learned so much from, laughed with, cried with, eaten with, rested with, who showed up for me over and over and over and has no idea the impact he had, how grateful i am. i’ll never be able to thank him. thank you thank you thank you for being there for me. thank you all the members for fucking being there for me literally all the time.

this sucks! this sucks but i’m gonna power through it with the rest of you. i’m gonna try.

#tw death #turning reblogs off bc it’s just too personal to let circulate #but thank you for reading it you did

[valentine-writes]

ur writing is super good!! sorry if i’m piling on with this, but any angst with miguel? i need this man put in a blender

if you need to be mean

「 tws + notes: vv possibly ooc, unedited, spider-person reader, unhealthy dynamic, assorted angst, hurt/comfort ending, reader is cold, miguel doesn't know how to deal with emotions, everyone is a wreck but they're all trying so hard :( </3 」

「 gn!reader, man idek if this is platonic or romantic tbh y'all r just messy here 」

↳ ft. miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099

author's note: THANK U SM!! and i got u!!! i am. so excited 2 practice more for him– anon please don't be upset w/ me,, but,,, (´∩｀。),,, i physically don't think i can write Pure Angst. i wud b no good at it!! :p so! hurt/comfort in the end ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐ i CANT JUS,, END IT SAD,, </3 i am so so sorry!! also so so real putting him in tha blender at the Highest Speed ever,,, he iz my milk webkin fr (lovingly) (kinda) some real quick stuff: this was gonna b short but i Overdid It and im still unsure whether i like it or not. and also. i was supposed to have the reader being mildly Messed Up™️ too cuz "hehehehe letz make this more difficult >:))" (also becuz miguel is NOT the only one allowed to have issues + too many angsts i have read where reader jus takes what miguel dishes out passively and i didn't want that) BUT I ENDED UP MAKING IT WORSE AJDHDQWHJE,,, hopefully this is. angst galore. again i am not great w this <( _ _ )> <//3

▸ maintaining a healthy relationship with miguel– in any form– proves to be difficult.

this is especially prevalent in the beginning stages of your developing relationship. you begin to learn that he is terrible with verbally expressing any affection he feels towards you. some days he seems almost so completely distant that there’s valid reason to worry that he just doesn't care about you anymore.

these worries are the furthest thing from the truth– miguel hasn't cared about someone to this extent in a while. still, he finds himself lacking, completely unable to tell you how much you mean to him.

▸ sometimes he grows fearful that he's become too attached to you. he aware he's in too deep at this point, yet conflict rages on in his mind: whether it's better to hold on as tight as he can to keep you in his life, or let you go before something rips you away from him.

part of him is worried it's only a matter of time before something happens.

these thoughts are usually quelled by drowning himself in tasks and missions, using his focus on work as a means of distraction.

when there's nothing left to shut them out, he chooses to avoid you instead of seeking reassurance.

there are times when you don't see him for days straight. he doesn't send you on any missions, doesn't contact you, actively avoids you when you're inside of the HQ– and when you eventually see him again, he avoids speaking of it. you both understand you're meant to pretend like nothing happened.

you're not beyond doing the same to him. miguel is distraught with how similar you two can be, how you reflect him and he reflects you in unique and awful ways– ways that only the two of you can understand.

▸ whenever you choose to be the one to spontaneously ditch, however,,, there are moments where he gets desperate and ends with him seeking you out,, usually by assigning you a mission just so you have a reason to come back

no matter who leaves– whether it's you or miguel– you both end up taking each other back in the end, half-heartedly reaching the unspoken agreement that this is the way you two “reconcile.” you grow accustomed to this back and forth.

you're both wonder who this is hurting more.

▸ never wants to be seen as clingy or needy. wants to convince himself he can make it on his own, that things are somehow better that way. miguel feels a deep frustration in the fact that he can't seem to process his emotions in a proper manner.

he seeks solace in solitude, even if it never fully works. he's willing to settle with feeling "okay" instead of "better." (self isolation moment.)

asking for help on missions is one thing. asking for personal help is another, which means that offering him support on his bad days is always a hit or miss.

most of the time, if someone chooses to extend their hand to him, it's typical that he swats it away and insists he doesn't need anything. he doesn't accept help easily– even when it's from you.

▸ there's always the off chance he lets you stick around. he's silent as you find a place for the two of you to sit down. once he’s comfortable, he leans against your side.

the quiet in the room isn't tense. it isn't scary. you know he just doesn't want to talk about what’s bothering him often. he can't even verbalize how much you mean to him– how is he meant to explain any of his other emotions to you?

"it's okay." you whisper, breaking the silence in the room. "just... take your time."

even though your words are as soft you can manage, it feels like you're yelling in contrast to his complete wordless state. you glance over at him. miguel doesn't meet your gaze.

"i'll be here for you," his expression softens ever so slightly at your words as you reassure him, "i promise."

he only mutters one word in response: "don't."

▸ (next headcanon based off of this art from instagram. slide two specifically.)

you can still remember the first time he ever cried in front of you. it's been a vivid memory in your head ever since it happened– not because of why it happened– but because of how it happened.

"you haven't been around for days, miguel." it's been almost more than a week since you've last seen him. this time, you sought him out– not to bring him back into your life, but to confront him one last time. after deliberating for longer than you cared to mention, you finally decided you were going to make things right or get out of his life for good.

and there he is, standing on his platform. it's lowered to the ground, the orange holographic screens surrounding him empty, displaying nothing. they emit a soft glow in the dark of the room.

"tell me what's wrong." you demand. the tone in your voice is unfamiliar to him. you're not making any effort to conceal how thin your patience has been wearing.

his back is turned to you. he doesn't say a word until you approach the lowered platform he stands on.

"go away."

"what? like you've been doing this entire time?" you retort.

"go away." he repeats more forcefully. his anger doesn't scare you away. nothing ever does.

you stare at him unflinchingly. "not until you tell me what's wrong."

miguel knows you're going to stand firm. you're going to stay until he tells you. as he lifts his head, glancing over his shoulder to speak to you, you brace yourself– you wait for him to yell. to lash out. anything.

he just looked at you. his eyes, stinging with tears, meeting your stare.

you don't remember what was hurting him that day. you can't recall what made him breakdown in front of you. no, this is the part you remember.

miguel's large frame looks so much smaller as he attempts to shrink himself, as if trying to hide from you. he averts his gaze, trying to blink back the tears and fails horribly.

he has nothing left to do. miguel hides his face in his hand, even if it’s only the two of you in the room. he’s humiliated– completely ashamed– that he can’t seem to stop his crying. for a moment, you’re frozen, unsure of what to do.

it's a drastic change from how you know him. standing in front of you, miguel seems more like an inconsolable child, rather than the detached and icy person most knew him as.

"don't look at me." those are the only audible words miguel manages to choke out between stifled sobs. he cries like a little boy.

and you hate it. you hate how hard he makes it hard to stay angry at him. you hate that no matter what you do, you can't stay away.

the tension in your body dissolves slowly, jaw unclenching as you sigh to yourself. you’re caving already.

it takes you a moment, but you know you can't leave him like this.

slowly approaching him, you quietly wrap your arms around him from behind, gentle enough for him to pull away from your touch if he didn't want it. he doesn't protest. you swear you can feel him subconsciously lean in.

"it's okay," you mutter, "i got you."

▸ miguel makes sure to talk to you the next day after you comforted him. to your surprise, it wasn't to tell you to keep that moment between the two of you– he knew you well enough to know you wouldn't say a word.

he was there to say thank you. simple and plain as that. he thanked you for sticking around. thanked you for being there even though he constantly pushed you away.

and you couldn't find the energy to respond. horribly disheartening to miguel, considering this is the most effort he had put in to communicate with you– but understandable. he didn't push you any further.

as awful as it felt to know, you didn't want a thank you. you didn't need his gratitude for your stubbornness.

it was much too late for a thank you to resolve the days he left you without a word, only to return expecting everything to be the same. it was much too late for a thank you to make you feel better about the fact you ended up comforting him even after everything. those words couldn't fix anything.

you wanted a goddamn apology.

▸ it's been almost three weeks since you'd last been seen around the spider society hq.

nobody seemed to be aware of the reason for your sudden disappearance. miguel was worried sick.

his temper is shorter, his patience is waning, and he’s willing to snap if anyone even mildly irritates him. it’s an unpleasant experience for everyone.

he'd tried to find you by tracking your watch, which proved to be useless. you were too clever for that– you'd made yourself undetectable, somehow disabling or destroying it before you left. miguel could’ve hunted you down, searching every place in the multiverse to find you again, once more to see you. but he didn't have to. the moment he had decided to start the search, your watch went active again, allowing him to locate where you were. like you were beckoning him over.

he didn’t hesitate to meet you there, stepping through a portal to get to you. notably, you weren’t in your own universe– but he wasn’t going to scold you for that. not now.

there you were. it was almost dream-like to him, seeing you sitting in the grassy fields in the middle of nowhere, the outline of your frame illuminated by the moonlight. the night air was filled with tension, as you sensed him approach from behind and quietly sit beside you.

he’s the one to break the silence. your name slips from his lips, as he’s about to speak up–

"hey." you greeted flatly, cutting him off. you glance at him with a weak smile, chuckling dryly. "so... you need something?"

"...no." miguel glanced around at the unfamiliar setting. just before he can get anything out, you part your lips to speak again, looking up at the dark sky, glittering above the two of you.

“i forget that new york doesn’t have the best view of the stars.” you murmur. “light pollution and all that shit… so y’know,, this is nice. i missed this type of view.”

he nods in agreement, though the small talk about the stars isn’t what he wanted from you.

you continue with your little ramble, seemingly just saying whatever came to mind. “speaking of cities– how’s your corner of the multiverse been? has nueva york been fine? feels like forever since i’ve been there.”

miguel tries not to be distracted by your casual conversation or your obvious allusions to your absence. he sees the way your shoulders are held tense, the way your gaze flits over at him expectantly– miguel knows you’re just waiting for him to talk about it, anticipating what he’s oing to say next.

"i– look–” he takes in a breath, finding the words he had been planning to say all this time. “i know. i know i messed up, and i messed up a lot. …i just came here to tell you i'm sorry. for everything."

there’s a momentary lapse of silence between the two of you. the tension is immeasurable as he watches you shift your sitting position, facing him entirely.

"you should be. asshole."

miguel sighs. “i… really should’ve expected that.”

“you know, migs? i tried so hard to just leave you alone.” the previous confidence in your voice wavers. there’s no bitterness in your words, no malice. he hears it in your tone: you’re just worn down, utterly emotionally exhausted.

he hears a sniffle, causing him to turn his full attention to you. the tears glisten as they fall from your eyes and drip down your cheeks. you make no attempt to shy away.

“what are we gonna do now?” you ask, looking over at him. your voice is faint. small. “i can’t let you go– and for fuck’s sake, you won’t even let me– so… what now?”

“i… don’t know.” he confesses. his hand makes his way to yours, placed atop it. his other wipes your tears away, trembling as he touches your cheek with all the tenderness there is, like he’s afraid he might hurt you. he whispers your name again, and it is the sweetest sound you’ve heard in a while.

miguel usually thinks he’s no good at comforting others. but in this moment, you would’ve never known that. he doesn’t hesitate to pull you into an embrace, holding you in his arms like you’re the most precious thing in the world. he’s not leaving you to suffer alone. he’s not leaving you like that ever again.

“you don’t have to forgive me.” he whispers to you. miguel knows he can’t repair all the damage he’s done. he knows you might never be able to look at him the same. And for once, he’s fine with that. he just needs to know you’ll be okay. “...just, please. let me do this for you.”

#i haven't decided whether i hate this or not #BUT WOWOWOWOW baby's first angsty angst.... this is. something!! #hope y'all dont mind reader's personality here. if given no directions 9/10 times i jus go “hmm but what wud i do here....” #anon i am so sorry if this is disappointing AJDHEJDHWE #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara headcanons #angst #atsv x reader #atsv headcanons #atsv #across the spider verse spoilers #spider man: across the spider verse

[minecraftrelatedrandomness]

u/SADZookeeper:

AITA for failing to protect my brother?

It's been about a week since everything happened and I'm still trying to process this myself, so please bear with me. Sorry for the long background context.

I (~27M) and my little brother Ac (22M) grew up on an island with really famous and influential parents. I knew since I was a child that our parents wanted me to carry on the family legacy on the island, and I did everything I could to do that (it was the lot I was handed in life; I'm just making do with what I could). At the same time, though, I knew our parents sidelined Ac, so I tried my best to look out for him and make sure he was okay, because that's what brothers are supposed to do.

About three years ago, Ac disappeared overnight without a note. I tried looking for him everywhere, but my parents didn't really seem to care that Ac had gone missing, and I don't know why. I assumed he was dead and grieved for him, until he turned back up on the island over a year later. I reconciled with him and was glad that he was alive and well, and swore I wasn't going to lose him again.

A lot happened since this: I found out that my home island was built on a lie, that we were all in grave danger, and one of my best friends fled the island in response. I wasn't in an emotionally good place, but from this point onward, it might have be where I started to become TA.

Weeks after that, I received a letter from Ac that he was going on a dangerous quest that he might not come back from, along with all his savings. I panicked and tracked down his location to go after him (he left behind some notes on where he was going); I was afraid I'd lose him again and lose more people that I cared about.

I found Ac alive, thankfully, but when we sat down for a heart-to-heart, he told me about how he never felt wanted at home, which was why he left, and lost someone extremely close to him when he was away. I didn't know what to say about this: I felt like Ac could have trusted me with this earlier. I thought I tried my best to be a good brother when we were children, but clearly, that wasn't enough to keep him from leaving.

The location we were in only had a one-way entrance, but when we found the exit, it said it required a sacrifice, that only one of us could leave alive. I don't know or care who designed the place, but at that point, I didn't know what else I could do to make up for how much I failed Ac.

I volunteered to die for him to escape.

I wanted it to be me. It should have been me.

He decided otherwise.

He pushed me out of the way and fell into the death trap.

I don't know how to convey to you how badly I failed: Ac already had a rough enough childhood as he did; I couldn't be there for him when he needed it the most (both at home and after he left), and couldn't even ensure he could escape and live a somewhat happy life, even if meant me gone. I couldn't even do that much for him.

I don't know how I never noticed the extent of how badly Ac was treated at home, I don't know how everything led to this, and I don't know how I'm supposed to tell his friends that he's gone because I wasn't quick enough.

I'm back on the island where we were born and raised. I feel like TA. Am I?

TL;DR: My little brother had a rough childhood that I couldn't protect him from and ran off on a reckless, life-threatening quest, I panicked and went after him, we got stuck in a death trap, and he shouldn't have been the one to die there but I couldn't fall fast enough to make sure he's the one who survived–

This post is Part 2 of the "Chronica Siderum" series. Technically speaking, this post is slightly over the character limit for the actual AITA subreddit, but let's be honest, we don't really care here.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Click here to read this on AO3 for bonus annotations.

#piratesaita #pirates smp fanfiction #pirates smp #smajor1995 #ggacho #pirates smp spoilers #denholm bros #my post #cw trauma #cw mental health #chronica siderum (fanfic) #tell me did i do wrong? (fanfic) #tw death #aqua writes

[taylorrepdetective]

I’ve mentioned the young swiftie in my life. She’s a young adult who has grown up on Taylor since she was 6. She loves her with her whole heart and was extremely invested in Toe. I think Taylor’s idea of Joe is her dream man so she really bought into it. Nice, intellectual/well-read, artistic renaissance man, humble, no fragile masculinity. You get the idea. She was very sad over the break up 7 months ago.

Then Matty showed up. She is a mild fan of The 1975, so she knew about Matty and thought he was terrible and was not happy at all about it. At some point she mentioned maybe it was just for PR ( I think someone else planted that idea.) she hung onto that idea but expressed a lot of concern about Taylor’s character if she would date a man like that.

She’s heard rumors of her being a bit fruity and I think she thinks it’s probably true but absolutely 100% believes in Toe and hasn’t talked about her bearding, just dating for PR more as a regular celebrity like a Kardashian might do. I do not talk about Taylor being gay and bearding with her. I’ve never mentioned it once, I have always indulged her toe fantasies because it’s nice. It doesn’t hurt anything at all.

But the thing with Matty really shook her. When they broke up she moved on but I think she had been exposed to a lot of the negative stuff that was going around after Matty. Her silence on politics. Working with That Director, etc… and we talked about it just a tiny bit. It seems her Pollyanna view of Taylor had been a little bit tarnished because of Matty specifically because it exposed her to this other stuff. But they broke up and we all moved on and we didn’t really talk about Taylor again much.

But then last night I happened to be with her during the concert. I knew she wasn’t super thrilled with Travis (she sees him as a meathead and not attractive at all. She’s more into the Timothee Chalemet type.) And I told her about Taylor changing the guy on the screen coming home to me to “guy in the chiefs coming home to me,” and let me tell you, I’ve known her throughout her teen years, but when I say she gave me the BIGGEST eyeroll that’s ever been rolled. I laughed and said “yeah it’s a bit extra” and then she just went on this rant. It was fascinating.

Basically she told me that ever since Matty, she’s had to reconcile with herself that Taylor is not the person she thought she was. Keep in mind that throughout her teen years, Taylor was with Joe, so that’s the Taylor she knows. The Taylor that spoke out in 2018-2020 as well, just as she was growing into her own political mind and out there at women’s rights and anti-gun and BLM protests. She basically said “I think there’s a 50-50 chance Taylor is a sociopath” (in all seriousness, not joking around like we do.) We talked about her being a bit messed up by fame and how she has to compartmentalize her public and private lives in order to stay sane. Then she said “but has she? Stayed sane? I don’t think so.” I mentioned about how Taylor has said her life makes her sometimes question if she’s a real person and she’s admitted struggling with this, and all this did was confirm to her that yes, she may very well be a psychopath, and she specifically clarified to me that she meant “evil” psychopath. I tried to be nice and say that her actions generally were pretty benign even if she has a bit of that tendency, and she was unconvinced (see above for the problematic stuff.)

Then I said, “yeah I think about some of this a lot. And you know what, when you hear Dear Reader in this context, it really hits home.” And she said. “Yes! I love that song...”

And that was the end of the conversation. But what I really wanted to say is “but if she’s closeted, she looks a lot more sympathetic and a lot of this makes a lot more sense.”

Maybe that conversation will come in time.

#true story #we used psychopath and sociopath interchangeably because neither of us is board certified #to be clear I don’t think Taylor is a psychopath #but the things she does. the way her whole public life is a performance. it’s not healthy.

[milfcamilanoceda]

Does anyone get sad thinking about how when Eda and co were younger they seem to be close friends but now they are just so estranged with each other? Like it's not even "school friends who lost contact and grew apart with time", some of them seem to actively resent each other before and during the events of the show.

Like we have Eda and Lilith and the entire curse mess who only started to get along after the events of Young Blood, Old Souls

Raeda broke up and only come to contact years later despite still being in love with each other and caring about each other. They still struggle with communication and tendency to keep secrets from one another

Raine and Eda were willing to kill Darius without hesitation. It was not out of malice and definately more out of greater good, a solid plan that Darius clearly appreciated and even encouraged a similar but less deadlier version for the day of unity. But still that was cold and ruthless especially if they were meant to be friends as kids. Not to mention it's "Head Witch Darius!" and "Raine Whispers!" like no familiarity. Absolute strangers. Only reconcilled when their goals aligned

Darius actively resents Alador and Alador doesnt seem to care about him either. They were close with each other and Odalia as kids and yet now the mere mention of Alador just irks Darius.

Odalia just grew up to be such a hateful and greedy person, like as a kid she seems to be someone who just wants to hang around with her friends, and now she doesnt care about anyone at all. Like girl what happened to you?

Perry seems to have nothing to do with any of them. Like he seemed sad when Eda was gonna get petrified even under the strict reporter professionalism but like that is it. (Then again this one is more likely to do with his non existent screen time than anything else)

Alador and Eda's only talk was Eda being rightfully pissed about the factory incident but it also feels like there was more resentment then that.

And just all of them were so separated from each other. Eda was living as a wild witch. Lilith was head of the Emperor's coven and trying to capture Eda and nothing else. Alador and Odalia were in a loveless marriage focusing more on their careers rather then each other and even their own children. Darius and Raine reconnected only when they revealed that their goals aligned. And Perry was doing his own thing.

Like what happened to that friendship both the show and the crew keeps hinting at. Was it a later added thing? Or would we have seen them through flashbacks only for it to be cut out due to disney?

Either way it really makes me sad thinking about so many friends who were potentially close, just growing apart and even starting to resent to each other.

#eda clawthorne #edalyn clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #raine whispers #darius deamonne #alador blight #odalia blight #perry porter #toh eda #toh lilith #toh raine #toh darius #toh alador #toh odalia #the owl house #i am sorry i just have a lot of feelingsabout this

[todderwodders]

For the Director's Cut asks.... talk to me about "The Push, the Grind, and the Metal Mind"? I'm so interested to hear more of your thoughts around the story and about how both these characters are navigating their feelings around parenthood (and being a child, considering some of Gortash's ideas for experiments).

So a lot of the content for this story was actually meant to be kept for much, much later. Originally was just going to be a short and sweet breastfeeding kink fic, and then it blew up and I kind of had to reconcile with the fact that we are getting Enver's point of view regarding a life choice (having children) that will greatly affect the trajectory of later parts of the narrative much earlier than I initially planned, wanted, or anticipated. So it serves as a very strange non linear introduction of what I have planned for Faline and Gortash, and you get to see a lot of my favorite parts about Gortash in this fic alone: he's cunning, he's smart, he can't turn his brain off, he's also very good at selling a certain image to himself, even to himself.

He glosses over a lot in this. He files down the edges and only really lets the truly ugly shit crop up because he does not see it as unacceptable. He does more than one would assume he would with a kid, he is patient with Faline, but ... let's just say that Faline's version of events leading up to what we actually see happening on the page is very different than what he wants to think is going on.

Which I guess leads me to Faline. By the time she becomes pregnant with her first child, she is beginning to suspect that her mother doesn't love her all that much, and in general, she hasn't been all that well loved by anyone. She can't even decide if it is wise (or possible) to love Enver as much as she does, and routinely makes plans to leave him even as she given more genuine companionship through this marriage than at any other point in her life. She essentislly lives in this back and fourth of being aware of her own feelings, thinking she's an idiot for loving someone who is so remorselessly a monster who could and would assuredly remove her from his life without a second thought, and knowing it's a mistake to get even closer to him, to obligate herself to him further, and then doing it anyways. Her dread at her own inability to just cut herself off from her own emotions compounds her anxiety over having a child with this man. Is she simply repeating a cycle? Is this cruel of her? Is it selfish? Is he going to hurt it? Is he going to hurt her the minute she can't physically or mentally keep up with him? That last bit is a real concern as she progresses through her pregnancy. She enjoys parts of it, but largely lives with the anxiety of her choice to bring a life into a world she doesn't have any real power over. It doesn't matter what happens to her, if she dies it's her fault - if her children suffer, it's a choice she made for them, she's doomed them to unhappinesss.

Faline always wanted to be a mother but was essentially told that that was not a life path she was going to have until much later in life, and for her own political gain, not for choice or even in agreement with a spouse or lover, but simply another commodity to provide: an heir of mysterious origins who might take a title or estate to a lord or patriar with no other options. Now she is going to be a mother, and she loves this child very much - but she knows his father.

In a sense, her becoming aware of just how easily Gortash could destroy her world via this child also opens up her future awareness of how his constant mind games aren't just character flaws, but distinctly not capable of in the long term. This is a kind of leverage that no one had ever had on before - something she genuinely cares for and is tasked with the duty and honor of raising right and well, of protecting. She's a mother now, and by becoming a parent her world changes for all the reasons listed above and so much more.

Faline desperately does not want to be like her own relations, but also doesn't know how to be a parent - she is young and overwhelmed on a lot of fronts, but simultaneously cannot regret her choice. Karmine is effectively the first person she's truly willing to sacrifice everything (and live afterwards) for, and makes Faline question her world and the people she surrounds herself with. She doesn't expect Gortash to be as patient as he is, but there's still much uncertainty over when that will run out. If he'll get bored with the novelty of a child, if he'll not want her anymore and therefore part of her control and power over him will wane with it, and how can she compensate for that loss? What's the next move?

This is getting too long and we're not even to Gort yet, but the last thing I will say is that Faline fully thought she was going to die during her labor. It was a long three days filled with a lot of stalled phases of labor, in the dead of winter during a snow storm, and ended with her losing way too much blood - which seems less like a concern to modern sensibilities when reading about a world with healing magic, but a lot can go wrong very quickly in labor and a lot did go wrong for Faline. So there's the (and I'm using the term wrong here because it's literal meaning is a good summary of action) trauma bond between Karmine and Faline that is also making all of these feelings even more intense.

Next up is Enver, who is more straight forward in the sense that his feelings about parenthood stem from the past, not the present. His having issues regarding his mother are nothing new to parse over, but as I mentioned previously in this post, the way in which these issues manifest are varied. He goes from not caring for the child (routinely refers to Karmine as an 'imp' whenever Faline's pregnancy impedes on his plans and fully intending on killing him to spare her if it came down to it) at all to becoming rapidly attached to him. More than that, having a child makes Enver wonder what was wrong with him, subconsciously. Every snide aside from his mother, every sniveling little quips from Raphael comes back to haunt him in strange, veiled ways. His lack of hostility towards his own offspring alienates him, his inability to separate himself from this child makes him question things in the general sense so he doesn't have to confront that there may have been something wrong with him. Enver finds himself planning extensive experiments to understand, to distance, and to redirect this strange impotent rage he feels at his own childhood, his own child, and the woman who did this to him. And then it all simmers down to a fine soup of day to day contentment. Freak.

Anyhow they're being real normie about it. Real niceys. Heart.

#faltash #bg3 #enver gortash #Faline #pregnancy #parenthood #ask game

[baronessblixen]

I watched How We Were Before!

Turns out, I'd read the synopsis previously on Wikipedia-- but that made me invested instead of disinterested.

Interesting movie-- It's not a romance so much as a showcase of the faults of romanticization. imo, Hubbell and Katie weren't meant to be but were making it work. And interesting that Hubbell tried to make choices-- the first girl, writing, etc.-- but ended up on paths further away from the life he would choose himself (finishing the book, Katie, fatherhood, etc.)

Some back and forth thoughts were put out there about Katie's idealism and it destroying the relationship; but that's not the takeaway I had, at all. Her perspective and his were both valuable, both real, both respectable; but clashed with each other. Her pursuits and passions disturbed him; his happiness was found a different route. And his lack of passion or humorous POV on matters that were of serious importance to her nettled, hurt, and wounded Katie.

Some people just don't work. Some people are drawn to each other but aren't meant to be. Or they can love and respect and be on fire for so many aspects about a person but not have that passion or love returned, at least in equal measure.

And, in the end, I think it's their daughter that suffers. Her mother pushed back on her father's distancing and disinterest and even (at times) disgust, wanting him despite; and her father let himself be led from one mess to another, none of them satisfactory to him because he hadn't fully accepted and reconciled parts of himself. Thus, little Rachel was born and grew up and lived without her father in her life.

Both had fantastic speeches, too-- wisdom to share with each other. Perspectives and chemistry isn't the only thing to keep a relationship afloat.

Also, I find it interesting if you turn the conceit of the movie on its head a bit: if first girl were the main character, she'd have married the friend of a man who she loved and who loved her; and there'd be bittersweet music every step of the way she takes. That's what I like about the movie, I think: it shows the effects of bad choices and poor decisions, with lots of backstory hinted at but not fully explored. I'm really starting to like Sydney Pollack movies.

The only thing I don't respect is that Hubbell didn't raise his daughter, even if being a father didn't fit into the life he wanted. He might not have been the best father, but a phone call every once in a while would have been better than nothing. (But, again, those characters would have made those choices.)

Very thought provoking! :DDD

Ahhh, glad you watched it! I agree they weren't to be. The only reason they were is because their feelings for each other were so intense and I see it more like, rather than making it work, they were trying to make it work because of the love that was there between them. That never left. The last scene is proof of that.

Ultimatively, they're too fundamentally different. One thing that always gets me is how Katie is trying to fit herself into Hubbel's world. She tries to be that person who gets along with his friends but in the end, she is who she is, and she's done trying to pretend - no matter how much she loves Hubbell.

I'm not sure Hubbell ever really makes a choice. It's like he wrote in his short story "everything came too easily to him". He always follows the path of least resistance. That's why they break up. Katie is done trying to be who she isn't and he is never going to change.

Yeah, I agree. Her idealism didn't destroy the relationships. They were just too different. That doesn't mean either of them was wrong for wanting and doing what they did.

I don't their their daughter suffers. Katie marries someone else who I'm sure is a wonderful father. If they had stayed together, both would have been miserable.

Hubbell wouldn't have had his career because of his association with Katie. Barbra Streisand commented on that once and said she hates how much it looks like they broke up because of him sleeping with another woman. When in reality it was really the political climate with Katie having been a communist and Hubbell trying to make it in Hollywood. And of course their clashing personalities.

I think Hubbell would have loved to be a father. It had nothing to do with that. There was just no way for them to be in each other's lives anymore. That's why he says he can't come visit. They can either be strangers or lovers; there's no in-between for them. That makes it so bittersweet for me.

And I really like Sydney Pollack movies too! He did so many with Robert Redford 😁

#lovely asks #i love the way we were so much #the movie omits quite a bit #especially a lot about the politics

[nicnacsnonsense]

📖 👀

Perhaps I can interest you in a Gravity Falls one, just to mix it up a bit?

Cheating a little here because I have written some of this one, but I don't know when I'll be back to it, and I do really want to share. It's sort of my Science Dad AU meets the A Better World bit from Journal 3.

(Anyone who doesn't know The Whole of Us/Science Dad AU, it a fic where Dipper & Mabel are Ford's kids from a one night stand that he didn't know about until he had a pair of five year olds dropped on his doorstep. Stan is called in to help Ford with taking care of them and Stan & Ford reconcile. Beyond that it roughtly follows the major story beats in the first part of Journal 3, with a lot of family fluff and trauma healing thrown in. And of course they get a happy ending of beating Bill before Ford falls in the portal.)

The plot of the fic was that a more canon-typical Ford shows up in the Science Dad universe in the same way that canon Ford does with the Better World excerpt in Journal 3. But really the plot was just an excuse to tour the future of the characters from the Science Dad AU, so here are the highlights.

The Institute of Oddology exists, though built around the Pines' house. It's still nearby in Gravity Falls, just not right on top of their home. Ford is the Director of the Institute, and Fiddleford -- who still has a happy relationship with his wife & son -- is the Head Researcher.

Dipper also works at the Institute, and he's acually the one who comes to fetch Ford after security takes him in. He used to be a researcher too, and he still keeps his hand in it, but his actual job title is Head of Public Outreach. He makes YouTube videos. Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained started as a little side project and ended up gaining so much traction that it's his full time job now. He's like the Bill Nye of Oddology. And the Institute funds him doing it, because it encourages interest in their still very new field.

Mabel lives in Portland and is the head of a non-profit that she founded to help combat child abuse and help victims of it. It's called "The Lucky Ones" because she refers to herself & Dipper as two of the lucky ones because they were saved by their dad. It's both a reminder that there are more kids out there that aren't so lucky, and a mission statement that they are going to save more kids and make more lucky ones. She is happily single and lives with her adopted daughter Pacifica (another one of the lucky ones) and their pet pig Waddles.

Ria still dies; I'm so sorry! But before she dies she makes Stan promise he will be there to look out for her son, keep his asshole biological father far away, and be a dad for her baby the way he was a dad for her. Soos still lives with his abuelita, but he calls Stan dad and has since he was four years old. (And he also still works for Stan of course).

Stan works at the Museum of Oddology (And Gift Shop!). This is technically a separate business from the Institute because they didn't want Ford to be Stan's boss, but it is partnered with and adjoined to the Institute. Stan and Ford also have a boat, and every other year or so they go out on a months long research expedition together, just the two of them. That's actually where they are when this fic takes place.

There's also a running joke in the story where any time someone sees Portal!Ford for the first time, they very first thing they say is "You're not Ford/my dad/my grandpa/etc." It's meant to show how close they all are that despite the two Fords nominally looking identical, everyone can immediately tell that this Ford is not their Ford. Except Stan. They do a video call to the boat and Stan immediately, without any forewarning or knowledge of the situation, smiles and says, "Hey look Ford, it's you." Because obviously Stan knows this is a different version of Ford than the one on the boat with him, but as far as Stan is concerned any version of Ford is still Ford and Ford will always be his brother.

#gravity falls #the whole of us #science dad au #stanford pines #stanley pines #dipper pines #mabel pines

[shyrosequartz]

White Diamond / Aura Quartz for Clown Court AU... A few different versions cuz I'm indecisive 😭

I know a lot of people do a Milky Quartz or just plain Quartz for these types of AUs, but I wanted to make her an Aura Quartz because one of my favourite things about Rose is that her name can be shortened to... just that! Rose 🌹 it's such a human sounding name, it's such a small thing but it says a lot about her to me 💕

Since White Diamond's design is meant to play off of more "vintage" themes, I decided to take elements from Flapper dresses for Aura Quartz to keep that ^.^ meanwhile her diamond form is inspired by a pierrot clown. More info under the cut 🙏🏾

I've honestly had a difficult time reconciling how White is in canon vs. how she'd act placed in a position where she had no real power of her own. I think a sense of helplessness is something that is heavily associated with the "littlest diamond" role, and it's interesting to think about how that would apply to White, due to her lack of identity and personhood.

Her conflict with Pink in this AU stems from Pink liking to have fun at the expense of others. I think the idea of personhood and trying to force someone else to be what you want comes into play here too. In this case it would be trying to make someone act all bouncy and loud and excitable when really they're just not! And that's not a bad thing. But I also think of how White wants Perfection, Rigidity. Unlike Pink who values change, what White wants is stagnation.

Which brought me to an interesting idea 😭 what if I take those bad faith interpretations of Pink, and make them canon (to an extent) for White? What if she rebelled initially not for love of the earth and for the freedom of other gems, but to create a world where other gems looked up to Her?

What if those plans were ruined when the other diamonds sent down their corrupting light (on this note: white, yellow, and blue together corrupt the identity, the body, and the emotional state. So I wonder what would happen if its only pink, yellow, and blue? Anyways!)? And now she was left on a strange planet with no way to return home?

I think it would be neat if she learned how to love the earth after the fact. And how that would create such a sense of shame and guilt... That her initial motivations had been so corrupt, and due to those corrupt motivations her friends and peers were damaged beyond recognition.

And the question is; would she have learned to love the earth even if she hadn't essentially been forced to? Would she have loved her friends and peers and treated them as equals if they hadn't been mostly corrupted and lost? It's a question with no real answer...

It would also create an interesting relationship with Pink Pearl in this AU. Because PP likely knew what her initial motivations were. And while she watches her friends idolize Aura, she feels... Complicated emotions. She can recognize how Aura came to love the Earth eventually, how her lies eventually became the truth. But does that matter in the end?

"you don't know what she was really like- only I did." becomes a curse to PP rather than a (unhealthy 😭) blessing like it was for Pearl in the beginning.

When Aura has her daughter, it's a chance to genuinely Give something to the world. She probably saw it as her most selfless act, something to redeem her of her initial selfish motivations... but it's much more complex than just that.

It takes being on Earth for her to finally start to form her own strong sense of personal identity... and once she has that she can start forming more genuine relationships with others... But she decided it would be instead better for herself to disappear from their lives entirely.

#hope art #steven universe #white diamond #clown court au #aura quartz

[doberbutts]

Anyway the question that always gets asked whenever I reveal that I'm not actually into the Cloud/Tifa thing is who do I ship them with if not each other.

The answer is a little more complicated than all that because from the start I considered their relationship something closer to a QPR before I even knew what that meant. I was calling them platonic life partners back then. People who don't feel any romantic love for each other but have chosen to stay regardless, or perhaps because.

I think, before, Cloud thought he wanted to be for Sephiroth what Zack wanted to be for Angeal. A puppy-like affection, a mentor/mentee comradery, and a close connection. I think Sephiroth would have hated it. He was cold and standoffish to Zack until circumstances forced them together, and even then he only really opened up due to Zack's connection to Angeal. I don't think having his own "puppy" would have been welcome at all. And I think Cloud would have been forced to come to terms with reconciling his hero worship with the reality of everything.

He and Zack were friends, but Zack was actively dating Aerith at the time, and Cloud didn't know Aerith existed back then. And within the narrative, Zack and Aerith are "parents"- with how often Aerith is referred to as a mother with Zack standing beside her, and Cloud is among those who repeatedly mistake Aerith for their mom. Zack does it once within the complilation, before he meets her for real, Cloud a few times, *after* he knows who she is. Clearly even when [redacted], Zack and Aerith are intended to be read as a couple, but then that once again removes an option for Cloud.**

The others... eh. I could be pursuded with the right argument but within canon itself it doesn't hold much water. Once we eliminate those four, he's got affectionate negging with Barrett, a quiet respect for Vincent, and a mutual back-scratching with Reeve. He's vaguely willing to play ball with Reno and Rude but not willing enough to let his guard down, while he treats the other Turks with some distain. He mostly tolerates Cid and Yuffie he both treats like and calls a child- she's the youngest so fair, but still removes her from the playing field. Anyone else connected to Shinra he actively dislikes, so Rufus and his flunkies are out.

We've got confirmation that he doesn't remember Kunzel and if Tseng remembers who Cloud is, he's being characteristically tight-lipped about it but Cloud certainly doesn't remember him. The OG Avalanche crew all died, even though Biggs lived in the Remake, and they weren't close. The Remnants of course mostly wanted to kill him the entire time. Deepground barely acknowledges his existence. Angeal died before Zack met Cloud and Genesis was too deep in his own shit to care.

So like. That doesn't really leave anyone.

Personally I think Cloud has way too much unresolved grief and trauma that he still has not worked through. It's years later in Advent Children when he's finally able to begin to move on from [redacted], and despite that even more years later in Dirge of Cerberus he's still notoriously distant and moody and prone to flaking. He's still questioning who he really is, can he actually trust his own memories and senses, and how much guilt is he willing to shrug off his shoulders for his actions while under someone else's control.

And I think being a distant moody asshole that pushes your friends away because you don't know if they're actually real or not is a difficult mindset to be in while also trying to be in love. So he doesn't try. His friends do love him anyway however exasperated they may be with him at times when he shuts them out while Going Through It. But it means he's not really building anything with any of them either.

Except Tifa, who keeps a room and a bed and a desk for him when he decides to come back, whose bar he calls home, who adopted a scared little boy with him, who watches their friend's adopted daughter with him. Who takes a family photo of the four of them together, which sits on that desk. Who quietly sorts the research papers as he hunts for a cure for an incurable disease affecting their son. Who yells and scolds him not because he left and stopped coming home, but because he gave up and shut her out when he contracted the same disease rather than letting her help.

"You don't answer the phone, but I don't see you throwing it away."

Out of all the voicemails on his phone, it was hers saying Reno had dropped by the bar looking for him and being vaguely threatening with the kids that got him to go see the Turks. He did not followup on Reeve's invite to the WRO. He didn't go chasing oil with Barrett. He didn't visit Yuffie in Wutai. But Tifa says "Reno was here being his usual weird self, I think something was wrong", and he went to investigate.

I don't ship it. I think he believes he's too broken for romance. And I think she's very patient to wait for him and give him the space he needs. Maybe they're FWB. Maybe it's entirely platonic. But the compliation has shown us that it's *something*, even if it's deliberately vague on what type of something.

**I do sort of like the "first this guy [redacted] my boyfriend, then he [redacted] my girlfriend, after trying to [redacted] my childhood best friend and succeeding in [redacted] my entire village and also my mom. This Sephiroth guy sucks" paired with Sephiroth's "tell me what you cherish most, give me the pleasure of taking it away" vibes of Cloud/Zack/Aerith don't get me wrong, but also as said Aerith and Zack were dating at the time but Cloud does not know who she is (or even that Zack has a girlfriend) and it is Very Important that Cloud not know the name Aerith until after Zack [redacted] which would imply sort of shadey behavior on Zack's part. And I don't really see him as the type to cheat, so.