#i am glad im not alone in my dislike and that people are calling it out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dmc-tings · 3 years

Text

The Lord's with an S/O (who just found out about their powers)

Alcina Dimitrescu

Noice 👌🏾

But what did you do for this woman to spare you?

She's like... the biggest man hater anywhere

So... if your a guy, you are lucky boi (or if you identify as a guy)

Or perhaps your a lucky lady?

I feel like she won't discriminate if she feels like your important to her

But for whatever reason she CHOSE YOU

So take that as a win

Sure, she's a vampire and has to eat people

Which was something you didn't know

But she doesn't eat in front of you

Even lying to the point of telling you she's drinking wine

You get curious, of course

So when she leaves to "take care of business", you look onto her glass or cup

You see red

"Ok... but it dont smell like wine..."

You take a sip, only to spit it out right away

Retching with disgust, you tasted blood

Your not an idiot, at least not fully anyways

Alcina rushed back, hearing you gag, thinking one of her daughters were bothering you

Only to see the sight in front of her

You looked at her in fear

Which hurt the tall woman's non beating (?) heart

You backed into a corner, thinking the worst

Looking for a makeshift weapon, you grabbed a spoon

To which made the Lady shake her head

"Love, you know I wouldn't-"

"Your a damned liar!!" You barked weakly, "W-what the fuck are you!?"

She sat calmly in the chair in front of you, gesturing for you to take a seat as well

You hesitated, but did comply, not letting go of your weapon (the spoon)

She huffed sadly, normally this behavior would have sent her into a rageful fit

But this is YOU we're talking about

Her little muse, the only mortal that makes her truly happy

"My Love, please calm down."

When you showed no sign of relaxing, Alcina took her glass in her hand, swirling the blood

Then takes a small sip, and lighting a cigarette

She offers you one

You cringe, and with that she pulls back again

After taking a puff, she begins to explain

Mother Miranda, the other Lord's, the creation of her daughter's, the Village, and everything else, prior to your showing up

After she finishes, you lower your loyal spoon

Drinking in all of the information

You looked up at her

"So that's why your so keen in keeping the girls away from me..."

The large woman nodded, looking at you

You bit your lip, but let go of your spoon, placing it back into the table

Alcina looked at you, watching you relax

You nodded a calm understanding

"Well seeing as I know what's going on now... is Mother Miranda going to-"

The Lady Dimitrescu, shook her head

"She has allowed for me to keep you. As long as you only stay in the castle... seeing as that the village is too dangerous. And I don't want you mixed up with the rif-raf."

You smiled and sat in her lap, (cause you can do that) and planted a kiss on her cold cheek

She let out a pleased humm, and returned the kiss

"Just... next time, if you choose a weapon, Love, make sure it has a SHARP end."

Salvatore Moreau

You had known Moreau since before Mother Miranda made an impact on his life

You saw less and less of your significant other

He would disappear and cut your alone time short, whenever the woman called

You were saddened when he finally told you that you couldn't see him anymore

But that's didn't stop him from speaking to you through whatever door, that separated you both

He didn't keep you locked up, but he would lock whatever door was between you

So you couldn't see the monstrous transformation, causing him pain

All you knew is that his voice was becoming more and more disgruntled

As said, you knew Salvatore before this

He was a handsome and intelligent man (despite what's written in Miranda's notes)

And to hear your man become... so in thralled by this other woman, made you suspicious

One day, you both were speaking, with a door between you, as usual

Unbeknownst to Salvatore, you were picking the lock

Eagar to see him

He never noticed the change in your tone, when you got it unlocked, nor the click of the lock

Shoving the door open, and pushing Salvatore back

The male let out a yelp, trying to rush in to the nearby darkness

You stepped through the threshold, eyes blazing and searching

You scanned the room and finally landed on a heap of a shivering... beast?

"Moreau? Is... is that you?" You crept closer, and gently put a hand on his back

"D-dont look at m-me...." he shivered, trying to hide himself

Horrified, you took his face on your hands

"I-is this... the work o-of-"

He cut you off, "Do-dont. Mother loves me... she does... I know she does..."

You felt tears pour down your face

You couldn't bring yourself to speak

That vile woman, had destroyed your dear Moreau

The man you knew and loved was beaten and broken into this sobing heap before you

He looked at you, and reached up to wipe your tears

"Oh... please don't cry... thi-this is her will..."

You shook your head, "what kind of will is this, Salvatore? To turn you-"

He pulled away from you, snarling, "I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!!! Mother loves me, and i-"

You slapped him, your tears stopping, "What kind of man have you become?!"

Disgusted, not with his appearance, but his sniveling attitude

You left

But... not unaffected by what happened to the man you cared about

You left... everything behind, the Village, your family...

Salvatore Moreau never left your thoughts and you never left his

It was a bittersweet life, but you were glad to leave what was happening behind

Angie and Donna Beneviento

These two kept you in their estate

Though Donna hid Angie from you, worried that you wouldn't understand the need for her doll

She also kept the pollen from her plants away from you

You were the first person Donna could talk to, without her illness bothering her

No need for Angie!? And this person don't care!?

Fucking Jackpot!!!

Though Angie does get a bit upset that she don't get to see you

That's about to change

You and Donna where sitting in the backroom, overlooking the waterfall

Enjoying an afternoon tea

"Dear? How are you feeling today?"

Donna looked at you, taking your hand in her's giving you a smile

"I am well." She reassured you, giving your hand a squeeze

Then you sneezed, surprised cause your allergies hadn't started up, due to the lack of pollen

And the abundance of snow and cold

Donna gasped, looking over her shoulder

"Angie, n-"

Angie revealed herself, giggling and plopping herself in your lap

You froze, "A-a doll? Donna... is this a gift?"

You never really liked or disliked dolls

Angie gave another giggle, "No, stupid! I'm Angie. Donna's most favorite doll. And a friend."

Your eyes widened at the living doll, "Uh... im-"

"I know who you are!!" She floated infront of you now

"And we like you!"

Donna was quiet, not surprisingly, but you reached out for her

She gently took your hand in her's

"Donna. Tell me whats going on. Please."

Donna nodded, quietly starting to explain.

The gifts from Mother Miranda, the plants, the pollen and finally Angie

You looked at the floating doll, who was nodding her head along, with Donna's words

Then finally, you pulled Donna closer to your side

"You don't ever have to hide things from me. I never had a problem with the other ways that you cope, Donna."

Your encouraging words sent the woman into tears of joy

She buried her face in your chest

You smiled at Angie, who patted you on the forehead

Karl Heisenberg

You sat in the smaller, (safer) part of his factory

It was a part he had built to keep you safe

From what?

You had asked Karl several times, on different occasions, what was he building

"Its none of your concern." He waved a hand dismissively, "Whats for dinner?"

You always had huffed out whatever meal you made for the pair of you

Karl was always one of three places: meeting his "family", in the factory, or right next to you

The "family" was always thrown into air quotes

You knew he disliked his "family"

He announced his leaving out again, not telling you where

But leaving nonetheless, as usual you waved him off

But today was different, you WERE going to see what the hell was in that factory

Not paying attention to the warnings he gave you, you made your way down

Once at an elevator, you pressed the button

It came up and you were met with a large, large portly man

"Why if it isn't Heisenberg's little kitten."

Shocked you jumped back a bit, but then inched your way inside

"Its alright. I mean you no harm. Come, come."

You stood next to him, "Uh... who are you?"

"You may call me The Duke." He hummed, "But what are you doing here? Don't you know it's dangerous to play here?"

You lifted your chin, "I can handle myself. Thank you."

The Duke gave a small laugh, as you pulled the switch, but didn't speak again

Hitting the bottom floor, you disembarked, waving goodbye

You noticed a door and pushed through

Only to be met with a metal drill nearly splitting your face in two

With a strangled yelp, you lept backwards

"HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT THE HELL-"

"Who's in my damned- KITTEN!?"

You heard Heisenberg's voice above you and looked around frantic

"Karl! What-"

You didn't get to finish, the same monster came at you again

Dodging to the side, only barely missing getting drilled

Running in to the labyrinth, you were soon cornered

You shook with fear, hearing more monsters come after you

Closing your eyes, waiting for the blows to take you to the Great beyond

Your waiting was cut shirt hearing a series of clang's

You moved your hands and opened your eyes

Seeing Karl, standing in front of you shoving all the monsters back...

But he wasn't touching them....

"What... how-"

"Dont just sit on your ass, get up!" He barked, grabbing your arm and pulling you behind him

Once back in the safe zone, you slapped him, breathing heavily

He took it, it was a well deserved slap

"E-explain yourself!"

He sat heavily down, telling you everything.

The reason for the factory, the monsters in it, his powers, Miranda's plan, even pouring out his emotions about it all

You finally understood and took his hands in yours, kneeling down infront of him

"You idiot. All you had to do was talk to me. Not be a "big tough guy" about it."

You kissed his rough hands

And he chuckled at you

"Always understanding. Thanks Kitten."

#lady dimitrescu #alcina x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #Salvatore Moreau x reader #moreau #salvatore moreau #angie beneviento #angie and donna #donna beneviento #angie and donna beneviento x reader #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader

4K notes · View notes

slytherweasley · 3 years

Text

Replacement (Pansy Parkinson x reader)

warnings: swearing

Summary- Pansy gets jealous when Y/n starts to form a friendship with Daphne. Y/n starts to hang out with her more than Pansy. In their dorm room doing homework and playing wizards chess. Like what Y/n and Pansy do.

At the start of the year Snape put you and Daphne Greengrass together as Potions partners. You both had a history of just disliking each other, there was no reason but you just didn’t like each other. After Christmas break you decided that you would have to be civil to get good grades. After talking and doing assignments together you decided to actually be friends.

“Pans, she is so nice. I don’t even know why I hated her in the first place” you tell your girlfriend cuddled up in her bed. “I’m glad you’re getting along then” she smiles. “She’s coming over so we can finish our potions assignment and finish off some potions homework. You can join if you’d like” “I’m a bit tired so I’ll pass” “Here I’ll do some of your potions homework” “No it’s okay but thank you, princess” “Pans I want to help you out” “Alright, just don’t do it all, okay?” “Okay.” Pansy regretted that moment for weeks.

You and Daphne quickly became best friends, you would study together all the time. You and Pansy used to do that together and she started to despise Daphne, the only thing stopping her from ripping her head off was you. After Daphne would leave you would be in such a happy smiley mood and Pansy loved it. “She’s really funny, she was telling me about this time with her sister” Pansy would smile and laugh when she needed to and the last thing she wanted was to break her heart. She knew that if she told Daphne to stop hanging out with you then you’d never forgive her. So Pansy did what was right for once.

Daphne knocks on the door, you get out of Pansy’s bed and open the door, she greets you with a hug. “I’m so ready for this rematch of wizards chess” Daphne says, together you okay for hours while Pansy reads a book, she couldn’t handle seeing her touch your leg or play with your hair. Pansy is a very jealous person. “I’ll see you tomorrow” Daphne kisses your cheek on the way out and Pansy shuts her book so quickly.

“What was that?” She says angrily “What’s the matter, love?” “She kissed your cheek” you chuckle getting into bed with her. “It’s what straight girl friends do, trust me it’s normal. And Daphne is as straight as a ruler” “Well you’re not straight” “Trust me Pans, I think I know that” “I hate it when she touches your leg or your arm or she plays with your hair or fixes it. That’s my job not hers.”

You give her a kind smile “It’s different with girls and guys, Pans. You’ve got all guy friends, if they want to do all that stuff with you I’m okay with that.” “That is so different” “Thats not at all different!” “I’m a lesbian, that would cause no sexual desire for me.” “I’m not sexually attracted to Daphne” “So you’re just attracted to her?” “No! She is my best friend.” “I thought I was your best friend” “You are, sorry darling. She’s my good friend” “I’m sorry too princess, I know she’s your friend but it’s too easy to get jealous.”

The weekend comes around and you have plans with Daphne, she comes over early to do your makeup. Pansy is still sleeping so you both try to keep quiet, your other dorm mates have already left. “She gets grumpy if you wake her up early on the weekend, so be quiet.”

Daphne accidentally trips you and you both start to giggle waking up Pansy. “Y/n?” Pansy calls out “I’m so sorry, bubs. I didn’t mean to wake you up” you stand by her bed and she notices the makeup. “Where are you going?” “Hogsmeade trip with Daph” “Can I come?” “I’m so sorry, we have to go” Daphne says, “I’ll be quick” “We have to go now, I’ll see you later. I love you.” Pansy doesn’t say it back and they walk out.

She gets mad so naturally she goes to rant. She gets changed and goes down to the common room where her group of friends are sitting on the couch. “Good morning Pansy, you look happy” Draco says sarcastically “Shut up I’m sad and angry” “Are you on your period again?” Crabbe says and the boys laugh. “I want to rant, so you’re going to listen and you’re going to shut up until I can say you can talk, got it?” They nod their heads.

She sits beside Blaise on the couch facing Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. “As you know Daphne has stolen my girlfriend from me and I’m about to kill her after this morning.” “What happened?” Draco asks “I’m about to tell you. This morning I wake up to Y/n on the floor laughing with that bitch, Y/n is the sweetest as usual, being all cute. Then I ask if I can come and I say I’ll be quick and Daphne says no and basically influences Y/n to tell me no. Y/n almost never tells me no. Now you can talk.”

“Well maybe they needed to be there by a certain time” Goyle suggests “No, because it was only an hour ago people are still leaving to go to Hogsmeade now. Do you think she will tell Y/n to break up with me?” “No, Y/n would never do that. She is a Slytherin so she knows how to take care of herself” Blaise says. “I know but she’s not one of us, she’s sometimes easily influenced” “Well you’re a very good convincer maybe it’s just you.” “What do I do?” “Talk to her obviously, maybe tell her all of this.”

Pansy waits all day for them to come back after dinner. “Y/n let’s talk” Pansy holds your hand “Here?” “No our dorm” “Just wait outside, Daph” “No, don’t. Actually don’t bother waiting for her again, just leave her alone.” Pansy takes you upstairs and slams the door shut “That was rude” “I don’t care” “What’s your problem?” “Y/n I miss you.” “I’m here now, we can spend the whole night doing whatever you want, I promise.” “No! I miss the old you, before you spent all your time with Daphne. I tried so hard for weeks to be happy for you but I can’t when I get no time with you. It used to be just you and me and now it’s you and Daphne and I am by myself.”

“I’m sorry you feel like that but I want to spend more time with my new friend, we have done so much together I want to do it with my new best friend.” “I should be your girlfriend, more important than your best friend. I always made sure you felt included when I would hang out with Draco and my other friends. You haven’t even asked if I wanted to hang out too” “I would but Daphne doesn’t like you, she thinks you’re rude” “And you still want to be friends with someone who doesn’t like me, your girlfriend?” “I’m sorry, I really like Daphne. She’s a good friend and she’s the only one I can connect with on similar interests.”

Pansy starts to tear up “I try my hardest to listen to you talk about everything you love and I’ll try harder, I want you back Y/n and I want her gone.” You had never made Pansy cry before, Pansy is tough and she rarely cries so it hurt. You didn’t know what to say “Fine, don’t try to find me or apologise because I won’t hear it.” She pushes past you and spends the night in Draco’s dorm.

You put on one of Pansy’s jumpers and try to fall asleep but it’s hard when you’re not in her arms like every night. The next morning you tell Daphne that you need to stop hanging out so much and you walk around looking for Pansy. You find her in the common room with her friends “Pans?” “Go away, I meant what I said yesterday” “I didn’t, I told Daphne we shouldn’t hang out as much” “Bye Y/n.” You go to the library to calm down.

“Pansy, she seems really upset” “Since when do you care what other people feel, Malfoy?” “We both know she doesn’t deserve that. She loves you a lot and after you told her you don’t like her she broke it off.” “I told you what she said to me, am I supposed to pretend she didn’t tell me she was sick of hanging out with me?” “She didn’t say that” “She meant it.”

After talking to Draco she realised how important you were to her. You walk back from the library and through the common room, Pansy isn’t in there so you assume she’s in your dorm. You go to your dorm and Pansy’s in there reading as always. “Y/n!” She gets up and gives you a hug. “Im sorry, I love you” “I love you too Pans and you were right to be mad” “Let’s just agree to keep things normal” “And to be each other’s number one priority” you agree.

You cuddle on Pansy’s bed. “I love you so much Princess, it’s so nice to be able to do this without any secrets.” “I love you more, so much” Pansy kisses your cheek “Also I still don’t like Daphne” “I know.” You kiss her cheek “Dont ever change, okay? I love your stubborn, beautiful, smart self” “If you love me I’ll never change, promise.”

#pansy parkinson #pansy x reader #pansy parkinson x reader #pansy parkinson imagine #wlw #pansy parkinson angst #pansy parkinson fluff #pansy imagine

349 notes · View notes

franeridart · 3 years

Text

Anon said: i love love love LOVE how you just draw gojo leaning onto getou, hiding his face in getou's neck or back or chest <////3 im just so heartbroken over those two

So glad to hear you like him clingy as much as I do!! TT^TT as far as I’m concerned he wasn’t clingy enough in canon, so I’m fixing it as much as I can with every new doodle haha

Anon said: whenever im sad i just come to your account and look through your art :")) it brings me so much comfort :')) also i gotta mention that the teacher getou art you've made has healed my broken heart bc of jjk and now that is the only canon i accept thank you very much gege akutami has nothing on me

GAH GETO-SENSEI MY ONE AND ONLY I’m happy he makes you as soft as he does me, he’s such a comfort to me ;;;; and thank you for liking my stuff!!!! Means the world to me to hear it ;A; <3

Anon said: I miss your krbk sm 😔 No pressure intended!!!!!! I still love and support u and ur art!!!

Man I miss them too!!!!! @ hori when are you bringing my loves back from the war I’m here waiting good sir!!!

Anon said: v v curious on your thoughts on what’s currently going on in bnha manga :)))

HMMM what are my thoughts on it? Well, let’s split it in two: Deku’s side and Todoroki’s side, because that’s how it’s split in my brain atm, and allow me to start from the second because it’s easier to get through for me

I’m in love with everything Hori is doing with Todoroki and everyone involved with him - that’s to say his whole whole family and Hawks and Jeanist too, all of it, I’m so into it it’s no joke at all. Always been in love with how he handles Enji’s character and his interactions with his family and the latest developments didn’t disappoint me at all, wasn’t very much into Dabi right after the “reveal” but the more I think about it and about the story from his pov the more behind it I am, forever and always head over heels for Shouto’s way of dealing with a situation that’s as complex as one would expect from a protagonist of their very own story you could really make a manga out of the Todoroki’s family plot from Shouto’s pov alone, it’s incredible I can’t state how in love with it all I am enough. And Hawks, don’t make me start on him I’ll straight up never stop, absolutely and most definitely my favorite pro-hero I would trust him with my money and my kids 100/10 just assume I’m constantly crying over him. Also Jeanist is just hilarious so bless him and his presence in an otherwise too heavy story

Deku’s side........ well, the main problems I have with it are that one, I don’t really understant the need to keep ofa a secret from the class for the biggest part of the story when the reveal wasn’t forced upon Deku, didn’t have a huge impact on him or his relationship with the others (his leaving wasn’t directly caused by him coming clean after all, he wouldn’t have had to leave earlier had he not kept it a secret and he would have still left at this point had the class already known all along) and didn’t, like. Matter. All that much. Two, this manga is called my hero academia and I’m genuinely starting to wonder why. What was the point of all the arcs set inside the school anyway? Most of the characters growth (Deku’s especially) and the progression of the main plot happened in the arcs outside of the school anyway, and at this point it’s clear we’re not going back to the school after this or even seeing anyone graduate. What of Shinsou? What was the point of his plot when we’re not even gonna see him being active part of the class in a school environment? I’m just confused about it all, I guess. Three, which is really my biggest problem with it all, is the way Deku’s set on saving Shigaraki. It’s not like I don’t like a story in which all the villains are saved and the good guys win and love prevails and all that, call it corny but they’re exactly my type of stories, but I’m not sure I can get behind it when Twice died like that, and Midnight did as well, and Aizawa lost a leg, and Nighteye died, and Hawks might have lost his wings, and Shirakumo ended up Kurogiri and it’s still unclear whether he can be saved, like... why does Shigaraki get to be saved when so many people suffered like that? And it’s not only about them suffering by his hands, it’s about Hori and how he was ruthless with so many characters but lets the story show arbitrary kindness to Shigaraki alone, it’s all... well. Unfair. The way I see it. At this point I at the very least expect kindness for Touya as well, here.

That said if I pick the chapters one by one by themselves I do enjoy them very much. I just don’t gotta think about the big picture lmao AH but it’s all a personal opinion, of course! I know people who enjoy the way the story is going and I can see where they’re coming from, this is all arbitrary tastes and preferences on my part, I’m aware of it!

Anon said: Hi hi! I finally got into jjk AND finally caught up on the manga and i appreciate your doods soooo much more now!! They’re so great!! But imcurious, is there one specific moment in the story where you Gojo and Geto became IT for you? Just genuinely curious!!

THANK YOU happy to hear you liked jjk!!!! And that’s!!! a great question, I’m not sure I have an answer actually? I binged the manga in a day and a half, you see, and when I binge stuff that fast I rarely stop to overthink things - I did ship them as I read too since, well. They’re in love lmao but I shipped them in the same way I shipped itafushi or yuutoge after I read the prequel, you know? Just a general aknowledging of how good they were together. The main point with satosugu specifically was probably that satoru has been my favorite character since the beginning of the story and suguru got there as well as soon as I read their backstory, so once I was caught up they’re the ones I ended up spending the most time thinking about, both by themselves and together, and that ended up making me a bit obsessed..... just a bit lol

If I had to give one specific moment that got me by the heart and squeezed the hardest it’d be... probably Satoru’s “my soul knows otherwise”. And the way his voice alone could bring Suguru back, even for just a single moment. The thing about satosugu for me!!! one of the many things about them, but the main thing for me, is that they love each other. Be it platonic or however you wanna see it, they love each other. Despite everything and after it all, even if Satoru had to kill Suguru, even if Suguru killed so many and betrayed Satoru and they went their separate ways in the harshest of ways, they love each other. It’s insane, isn’t it? That they’d love each other so much they could pass over everything and anything. I’ve seen the “best friends become enemies” trope so often in shounen manga, but this is the first time I see it treated like this - with love so strong that they never blamed each other or turned that love in hate. The way satosugu do it is all-encompassing! It goes beyond the world and their differences and death itself! So if I had to pick it’d be that one, because that scene happens after it’s all over, and it all went to shit and way beyond too already, and still their souls resonate with each other and answer to each other and that sends me insane, just thinking about it. Like, god, they really still love each other. Satoru’s mourned for Suguru for a year, Suguru’s been dead for a year, they’d been separated ten whole years before then, and still! And still!!! It’s so tender I don’t know how to deal with it

Anon said: “What’s a god to a nonbeliever?”—That tag is going to haunt me for a while. The entire tag section for your latest Gojo and Geto drawing is meta-worthy.

THANK YOU it’d been eating at my brain I had to write it down somewhere why are those two like that

Anon said: Do you take commissions? No pressure! ✨❤️

Not right now!

Anon said: How do you feel about sukuna ? like/dislike or thoughts on him

AMAZING QUESTION I love him. I have absolutely zero clue as of why so don’t ask me to elaborate, I’m literally that marge pic with the potato when it’s about Sukuna, I have no meta thoughts about him nor deep reasonings behind it - by all accounts, I should dislike him! But he shows up and I’m like nghhh king, so that’s where we stand. It’s Sukuna, you know. I just think he’s neat.

Anon said: sighs time to get into another fandom bc i simp too hard for ur art 😔

HAH thank you for the trust I hope you’ll like ror if you do get into it!!! hahaha

#fran answers #oh two of these are Long #.....#long post #in case the readmore doesn't work for whatever reason

85 notes · View notes

lavellander · 3 years

Text

hello im feeling extra “touch the stove”-y today so. i was looking for any dialogue where solas just straight up lies and (of what i could find online/transcribed, obv) i didnt find anything that was 100% untrue. he’ll completely avoid the question, change the subject, give part of the truth, etc etc etc, but nothing was just Entirely A Lie

what really gets me is that there’s a handful of convos where someone infers something from what solas says, and he will even point out that he didn’t directly say that. like, he tells people how to see through his shit, lmao

here is an embarrassingly long ass list of examples, all sorted by what kind of not-lying he’s doing lol, just bc i am unhinged<3

*note that some of these are cut from longer bits of dialogue or have been split up from one conversation into different categories*

literally just Not Answering The Question lol

Dorian: How much “will” do they have? They’re amorphous constructs of the Fade. Solas: Hmm.

Dorian: Solas, have I offended you? Solas: If you have, why would it concern you?

Dorian: Solas, what is this whole look of yours about? Solas: I’m sorry? Dorian: No, that outfit is sorry. What are you supposed to be, some kind of woodsman? Dorian: Is it a Dalish thing? Don’t you dislike the Dalish? Or is it some kind of statement? Solas: No.

Dorian: Let me get this straight, Solas. Dorian: You’re an apostate – neither Dalish nor city elf – who lived alone in the woods studying spirits. Solas: Is that a problem for you?

Solas: [has a whole tactical moment about the red jennies lmao] Sera: Where d’you get all this, then? Solas: Do you wish to be unnerved by another tale of my explorations of the Fade? Or do you wish to learn something?

Vivienne: You must be pleased with what was revealed at the Temple of Mythal, Solas. Solas: Why should those ruins please me, Enchanter?

changing the subject before he backs himself into a corner

Gatt: I don’t see any tattoos, but you’re carrying a staff. Are you from a Chantry Circle? Solas: No. And I would prefer not to discuss it.

Solas: I find the fall of the dwarven lands confusing. Varric: What’s so confusing about endless darkspawn? Solas: A great deal, although that is a different matter.

giving the truth, but not the whole truth

Blackwall: Skyhold. How did you find it? Solas: I looked. Blackwall: Now you sound like Cole. You looked? Solas: This world is full of wonders for those who seek them.

Blackwall: You spoke of seeing death and destruction. Did you fight in a war? Solas: There are struggles across Thedas at any given time. I doubt you would have heard of it. Blackwall: An elven skirmish? Solas: In a manner of speaking, yes.

Cassandra: Solas, have you always lived alone? Out in the wilderness, as an apostate? Solas: For the most part.

Cassandra: Have you ever encountered templars before? Solas: Only at a distance. I am an apostate, after all. Cassandra: And they never caught you even once? Solas: I am a very careful apostate.

Dorian: We found elves, living ancient elves, at the Temple of Mythal. Does that bother you, Solas? If Inquisitor allied with the Sentinels: Solas: I am pleased we were not forced to kill them, if that’s what you mean.

Iron Bull: You’ve got an odd style, Solas. Your spells are a bit different from the Circle mages or the Vints. Solas: That comes from being self-taught. Solas: I discovered most of my magic on my own, or learned it from my journeys in the Fade.

Vivienne: So, an apostate? Solas: That is correct, Enchanter. I did not train in your Circle.

Solas: You are a man who made a choice... possibly the first of your life. Iron Bull: I’ve always liked fighting. What if I turn savage, like the other Tal-Vashoth? Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor... and you have me.

from cutscene at beginning Inquisitor: [mentions the anchor closing a rift] Solas: Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct.

from cutscene at beginning Solas: [to a Dalish Inq] You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here? Inquisitor: What do you know of the Dalish? Solas: I have wandered many roads in my time, and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion. Inquisitor: [Crossed paths? dialogue choice] Solas: I mean that I offered to share knowledge, only to be attacked for no greater reason than their superstition.

from “I’d like to know more about you” convo in Haven Inquisitor: What made you start studying the Fade? Solas: I grew up in a village to the north. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic. But as I slept, spirits of the Fade showed me glimpses of wonders I had never imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the Fade, became troublesome.

actually telling the truth but no one picks up on the gravity of it

Solas: [...] I believe the elven gods existed, as did the old gods of Tevinter. But I do not think any of them were gods, unless you expand the definition of the word to the point of absurdity. I appreciate the idea of your Maker, a god that does not need to prove his power. I wish more such gods felt the same. Cassandra: You have seen much sadness in your journeys, Solas. Following the Maker might offer some hope. Solas: I have people, Seeker. The greatest triumphs and tragedies this world has known can all be traced to people.

Cole: No, inside. I don’t hear your hurt as much. Your song is softer, subtler, not silent but still. Solas: How small the pain of one man seems when weighted against the endless depths of memory, of feeling, of existence. That ocean carries everyone. And those of us who learn to see its currents move through life with their fewer ripples.

Cole: You didn’t do it to be right. You did it to save them. Inquisitor: Solas, what is Cole talking about? Solas: A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything.

Solas: Empires rise and fall. Arlathan was no more “innocent” than your own Tevinter in its time. Solas: Your nostalgia for the ancient elves, however romanticized, is pointless.

Solas: Our people used to be here. Sera: Pfft, you say that everywhere. Solas: It is more true than you want to believe.

Vivienne: You must be pleased, apostate. With the Templars dissolved, your rebels will be most difficult to pacify. Solas: My rebels? Am I an agent for their cause, whispering poison into the Inquisition’s ears? Solas: How comforting. Vivienne: You enjoy seeing yourself as a villain? Solas: No more than any other clever man who wonders what he could do if pushed.

Vivienne: [about the Temple of Mythal] Now you know the elves were once a mighty nation. Solas: I always knew, Enchanter. The Temple of Mythal is just another reminder of what was lost.

(in the Emerald Graves): These forests have changed much since I was last here.

during the Fade!Haven cutscene Solas: It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture... and right then, I felt the whole world change. Inquisitor: [romance option] “Felt the whole world change?” Solas: A figure of speech. Inquisitor: I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in felt. Solas: You change... everything.

pointing out that people assume he means things he did not directly say

Cole: There is pain though, still within you. Solas: And I never said there was not.

Solas: You may well become fully human, after all. I never thought to see it. Cole: When did you see it before? Solas: I did not say that I had.

Iron Bull: We’ve got the alliance with my people. Given how much you love the Qun, I figured... Solas: I might scold you? Berate you for your decisions? Iron Bull: Hey. The Chargers died as heroes for the good of the mission. Solas: I never said otherwise.

Sera: Don’t you start. Solas: I’m reasonably certain I said nothing.

Vivienne: [talking shit about grey warden mages] Solas: I never claimed mages should be above the law, Enchanter. Vivienne: No, darling. You merely implied it, while offering no viable suggestions for improvement.

after infamous “side benefits” dialogue Warrior Inquisitor: You find my muscles enjoyable? Solas: I meant that you enjoyed having them, presumably. Warrior Inquisitor: Ah. Solas: But yes... since you asked.

diminishing things he does actually know by saying he he “believes” or “thinks,” or that things were vaguely “said” or “told”

Solas: I say what I believe to be true, even if it gives offense to those who prefer the lie.

Dorian: That orb Corypheus carries... are you certain it’s of elven origin, Solas? Solas: I believe so. Why do you ask?

Solas: It is said that we lived at a pace that sustained us for... ages.

making it sound like he’s talking about something/someone else, but it’s just him lmao

Cole: Do you know a lot about wolves? Solas: I know that they are intelligent, practical creatures that small-minded fools think of as terrible beasts.

Solas: No man can kill so many people without breaking inside. To survive... those you fight must become monsters. Iron Bull: The ones that kill innocent people, yeah. The rest... I don’t know. Solas: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

during In Hushed Whispers Inquisitor: I’m glad you understood what he just said because I’m not sure I did. Solas: You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes. You would be wrong.

misc

this one i wanted to include because it’s the only circumstance (that i came across) where someone directly asks solas to lie and he literally says he can’t

during the fucking crestwood breakup scene Inquisitor: [angry option] Tell me you don’t care. Solas: I can’t do that. Inquisitor: Tell me I was some casual dalliance so I can call you a cold-hearted son of a bitch and move on! Solas: I’m sorry.

*also note that most of these are banter transcriptions from the wiki; some are cutscene / other dialogue posted by either @/daitranscripts or u/karinini on reddit; it’s not all his cutscenes obv, but I’m not about to look up every single one individually sdlkfj*

#i am................incredibly embarrassed that i did this #forgive me. the brain worms would not leave until it was Done #also sorry that its ugly no matter what i did tungle was NOT happy w my formatting. just know its clean and easy to read in my mind :/#and i know none of this is new information but i am riddled with terminal grad student brain disease so i like having my evidence organized #long post #(bc its long as hell if u open the read more)#im going to put this in my #ref #tag. bc i sometimes get tripped up writing his dialogue to be cryptic but true

25 notes · View notes

noblest-roman-of-all · 4 years

Text

silence

day 7! if theres any major errors, sorry i might have a minor concussion cause im a dumbass. heres some cute analogical for you!

parirings: virgil/logan

tw: anxiety attacks, poor self esteem and negative self talk

Virgil has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. He knows he does, his therapist has talked to him about cognitive distortions and all the ways that it can mess with his perception of the world and the things happening to him.

With that in mind, Virgil is still pretty sure this is the worst day of his life.

The worst part of it all is that there wasn’t any particular thing that happened, no great catastrophe. Just a series of small, kinda shitty things that snowballed into him curled up on the floor in a dusty corner of the library, shaking and gasping and entirely unable to move. He’d had panic attacks before, but they were almost never this bad, especially since he’d started going to Dr. Picani, and the thought that he’d somehow failed, that Picani would be disappointed, sends him spiralling even deeper.

He hears footsteps approaching, and his breath hitches again. Shit, he thought he was the only one in the section of the library, now there was somebody who might find him, who might see him like this. He hears whoever it was take a few steps forward, and then-

“Hello?” And of course, because this is the worst day of Virgil’s shitty life, it was Logan Baker, the unfairly brilliant, stupidly attractive sophomore who was in Virgil’s English 112 class, and who almost definitely hated him. Who was now standing in front of Virgil, having a complete breakdown, looking like an utter idiot, and if he didn’t dislike Virgil before he absolutely would now, seeing him in a state like this in public, why was he such a fucking mess that he couldn’t manage to get somewhere private so no one would have to see him like this-

Virgil’s spiralling thoughts come to a screeching halt when he notices that Logan has not turned and quickly walked in the other direction, or pulled out his phone to make fun of Virgil to his friends, but has instead sat down, leaning against the opposite bookshelf so he is facing Virgil, but still a few feet away. He looks Virgil over with a keen eye, but not critical. It doesn’t help Virgil, necessarily, but it… doesn’t add to his panic. Which is good.

“I assume asking if you are ‘okay’ is a bit redundant,” Logan says. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Virgil… really wasn’t expecting that. He opens his mouth to respond, but all he can manage is a quiet croak. He hides his head back in his knees, wanting the floor to just swallow him whole at this point. Logan doesn’t laugh though, just lets out a thoughtful hum.

“Can you speak? It’s alright if you can’t,” he says plainly. Virgil shakes his head slightly, glad he’s not being pushed to speak when apparently, his body is refusing to do so. Logan lets out that same hum again. Then, after a moment of quiet, he speaks up again.

“Would it help you if I spoke?” The question is quiet, almost timid in a way Virgil had never heard him sound. “I’ve been made aware I have a… soothing voice, although I wouldn’t think to call it that myself,” he says in a tone that if it came from anyone else, Virgil would call it sheepish. Virgil nods quickly.

“I assume that nod means it’s okay for me to speak,” Logan says, a huff of laughter in his tone. Virgil smiles into his arms and nods again.

“I’m aware that for some people, being left alone is preferable, but many people find comfort in hearing another person’s voice. It allows the mind something to focus on, I suppose, to prevent from spiralling.” There’s a pause, and then Logan continues, a bit quieter. “I know it helps me.”

Virgil looks up at that, making a small, curious sound. Logan smiles, soft and unsurprised.

“I know people don’t expect it of me, but I’m not neurotypical. I have ADHD, and oftentimes I get overwhelmed. I’ve found it’s helpful to hear someone else’s voice, to have something to latch on to,” Logan explains calmly. Virgil sits on the thought for a moment, and then nods. It makes sense to him. When Logan doesn’t say anything else, he makes a gesture with his hand, trying to indicate ‘keep going’. It seems to work, because Logan picks right up again easily.

“I’m not great with these-these emotional things.” The way he spits out the word emotional makes that clear enough. Virgil lets out a sound that isn’t quite a laugh, but is closer to happy than any other sound he’d made recently. Logan’s lip quirks up in a semblance of a smile.

“My roommate, Patton, he’s better at all of this than I am. I understand it from an intellectual perspective, but I admit that I struggle actually applying it.” Logan stays there, sitting on the hard ground of the library, talking to Virgil, for about an hour. He talks about his roommate Patton, who’s an early education major, and his friend Roman, a theater and performance major. He talks about the classes he’s taking for his major, astronomy. He talks about professors he loves, ones he hates. He talks about the little burger place near campus Patton drags him to every Friday so they can do karaoke, and how as much as he pretends to hate it, he secretly loves it. He talks, and for the first time Virgil gets to see someone other than Logan Baker, mildly intimidating straight A student. He gets to see Logan, who’s admittedly a bit of a dork and cares about his friends more than he would ever admit.

Eventually, Virgil manages to unfurl himself, his breathing relatively even and his mind no longer filled with swirling, hurtful words. Logan stutters to a stop when he realizes Virgil is now sitting up straight, actively listening now.

“I, um, see you’re feeling better. I apologize for revealing so much personal information, it’s just-” Logan stops when Virgil chuckles.

“It’s alright, dude. I, uh, actually enjoyed it,” Virgil admits with a flush. Logan looks equally flustered, and moves to stand up.

“Well, seeing that you’re in a better state now, I’ll be on my way. Have a good afternoon, Virgil.” With that, he makes to hurry off. Virgil lurches up and grabs his wrist before he can go.

“I… never told you my name. How did you…” Virgil trails off. Logan actually manages to look more flustered.

“I, well, we share an English course, and I… appreciate your input. It’s interesting, and it makes me think,” Logan mutters. Virgil breaks into a smile at that, and pushes himself up as quickly as he dares.

“Well, I’ve been down there for about 2 hours now. I really need to stretch my legs, and probably get something to eat,” Virgil says. Logan nods and starts to turn away.

“Of course, I don’t mean to interrupt your plans.” Virgil grabs Logan again, his shoulder this time, and Logan turns on his heel.

“Well, I was thinking. You said that burger place isn’t too far from campus, right?” Virgil asks. Logan gives him an odd look, and Virgil sighs. “I’m trying to ask you to get lunch with me, dork.” Logan lets out a shocked laugh.

“As much as I appreciated the silence from earlier, I think I much prefer you like this,” Logan admits. He gestures for Virgil to walk alongside him as they walk off.

Alright. Maybe this isn’t the worst day of Virgil’s life. Maybe, it’s actually the best.

#ts virgil #ts logan #analogical #college au #theyre two nerds and i adore them #also logan being a dork and loving his friends bc i say so

72 notes · View notes

kazuwhora · 3 years

Note

Hello! Can I have a romantic tokrev matchup? (I’m glad your doing alright! Please take your time!)

♡. Minnie, She/Her

♡. Personality types: INFP-T, enneagram: 9, pisces

♡. Personality: I’m not exactly shy but I come off as quiet since I often don’t know what to say and thus don’t really speak much. I prefer listening rather than speaking. But when I’m happy or excited, I tend to ramble off and talk a lot. My friends told me that I’m rather animated during those times. But that’s only with people I am comfortable with. I also pull pranks from time to time but they’re little pranks on my friends. When talking to strangers I keep things curt and talk politely.

I dislike conflicts and would avoid or try to peace talk everything. Confrontations are something that I’m uncomfortable with and will use as the very last resort.

I value my alone time. During those times I don’t respond to texts or calls. I’m just recharging. Oftentimes, I’m found playing video games, reading, gardening or napping.

I value loyalty, and trust. I really don’t like it when people lie.

As for Love language, I really like affection. I like hugging, pinkie linking, handholding, cuddling, etc. I like to initiate affection, but if a s/o does it to me, I get flustered really easily and become shy.

♡. Appearance: I’m short. (Barely 5’0) I black-brownish hair that reaches past my shoulders. I also have bangs that are somewhat see-through. I’m a petite person. I usually wear light makeup. Clothing wise I go for the soft Academia aesthetic.

♡. Some of my hobbies are gardening, napping, playing video games, reading/writing, and collecting cute trinkets.

♡. Traits I’m looking for in a partner: After encounters with creeps I want someone who can scare(?) or fend them away. I want someone who isn’t uncomfortable with PDA. I don’t really care if they are quiet or talkative. I also look for someone who can stand my pranks or prank me back.

♡. Likes/Dislikes: I like cute things (especially pastel or pastel pink to be specific). I like soft aesthetics. Food wise, I like sweet more than savoury. I also like my napping. I dislike horror repeated stuff. I’m super bad at watching horror movies because I get startled easily.

I HOPE THAT WASNT TOO LONG 😣

no it wasn't too long!! long is good heheh

im going to match you up with chifuyu!

chifuyu is someone that checks off all your requirements for what's compatible with you and what you want in a partner! he's got it all and honestly he's perfect?? like how do u get better than him really.

he's sweet, doesn't shy away from pda (in fact he loves twirling your hair on the train or holding both your hands in his to trace gentle patterns into the palms of your hands its super cute) but at the same time, he isn't one to back down from protecting you if you need it. he trusts you enough to give you your own independence, but he's extremely good at sensing when you're uncomfortable and will do whatever is needed in that moment to change that.

he's definitely someone who brings out that animated side of you too. it's almost like you've done a complete 180 when you're around him because he's just got that effect on you.

#matchups

6 notes · View notes

somewhat-crazy · 3 years

Note

I would like to ask for a mash-up.

What I look like:

I have light-brown hair, that go about five inches over my chest, a bang and heaven-blue eyes.

Other facial features:

Thinn, frameless glasses, kept in the colors of black and white.

Body size:

As much as I hate to admit it, I am what people might call "fluffy".

Gender:

Female

Age:

21 years old. (Almost.)

Sexuality:

Straight with a thing for intelligence.

Personality type:

INFJ-T

Favorite music:

Classical music.

Favorite color/contrast:

White and blue.

Favorite animals:

My top three:

1. Spiders

2. Praying mantis

3. Dragonflies

Hobbys:

1. Drawing

2. Writing

3. Crafting

4. Occasionally sewing

5. Gardening

6. Singing

7. Acting

8. Studying

9. Hiking/Camping

10. Taking care of animals/Do researnch on animals in order to learn more about them

Things I like:

* Spiders/Bugs (No. Spiders are not bugs.), Peace and quiet, Intelligent people, Languages, Things being in order and going according to plan, Animals in general, The forest, Explaining things, that are exciting to me, science like physics, chemistry and biology, psychology, sociology, anatomy, music,

Things I dislike:

Rude people, loud people, dumb people, stress and fighting, techno music and any kind of rap music, my pencil order being messed up, chaos, Boredom

Things I hate with a burning passion:

Demons, anything hell-related, demons, My work being messed up, demons, being ripped out of my train of thought, demons, Misplacing my glasses, demons, being late, demons, people being late, demons, people, who torture animals, especially spiders, demons, fould soul-scents, demons, People who demand me to instantly open up to them, did I already mention that I hate demons with a burning passion ???

Backstory:

I had a rough and rather traumatizing childhood, which caused 14 years of full-blown panic attacks.

Luckily I got out of them by now, even if there are still a few triggers, where I have to be careful

Strengths:

1. I have a good eye for the minimal details.

2. I can focus on a task on hand for hours.

3. I am able to be independent.

4. I am intelligent/Creative.

5. I am determined to get something, if I want it.

6. I have no tendencies to get physically harmful and I have no tendency to get angry, since doing that, and also the emotion in itself is a waste of time and energy, that could be used to be productive.

7. I am always thirty for knowledge and I am a quick learner.

Flaws:

1. I take far too much time to open up.

2. I am often cold and distant.

3. I am a perfectionist

4. I am very mistrusting or shy.

5. I tend to not care for my "friendships" or about people in general, because I see people's flaws apon the first look or at least tend to do so.

6. I tend to take some things too personal or be overly sensitive sometimes.

7. I have insanely high expectations towards others and I build up my walls so high, that barely anyone can claim over them.

Personality:

How others describe me :

1. Polite.

2. Overly quiet.

3. Slow to anger.

4. Intelligent/Smartass/Nerd/Geek.

5. Patient.

6: Sweet.

7. Caring.

8. Different from the rest.

How I see myself:

1. You may laugh or say, that I am crazy, but due to something the bible calls "gift of telling the spirits apart" (Yes, I am a christian and I love it.) and my natural empathic, observing nature of an INFJ-personality type, I am able to often know things about people that I am not supposed to know and reading people is the most easiest thing for me to do. I may not necessarily say, that I have feelings of myself, but I am able to copy the feelings and expressions of others quite well.

For those, who know black butler, I know very well, what it means, if Sebastian is taling about the scent of souls, since I am capable of smelling it too.

2. I am a mix of the empath-INFJ and the sigma-INFJ.

Anger me and I may become a so called "dark empath", if you keep it up long enough.

(I've made one of my bullies cry her eyes out by just using a few simple words.)

3. I like to keep to myself and have plenty of alone-time, due to me being naturally introverted and quite preserved.

4. I am very analytical and tend to analyze just about everything that comes in front of my nose or in my sight. That is also caused by trust issues and a few traumatizing events in my past.

5. If a person earns the right of being let inside by me/the right to call themselves my friend, I tend to become warmer step by step/become rather caring and protective of that person.

That person gets my full attention and I dedicate a lot of time to them.

If they should hurt me though, I doorslam them and they never will get close to me again.

Since those things, I've written down here are very personal and usually very private information about myself, I have allowed myself to stay anonymous to grand myself a little bit to safety.

Thank you in advance for writing this.

Goodbye.

okay but can i just say that you sound really cool 🥺 also rq are closed rn but i really wanted to write this, so i did. since you gave me a lot of info, i was able to write this a bit longer ^^ at first i really thought you matched with EJ until i got to the demon part,,, then it was like oh well we can find someone else haha. also (ik this is a super long note), but you're the only person i've interacted thus far on my blog that's a christian, so hey! im not baptized or anything, but i try to keep my blog family and christian-friendly :3 since i wasn't sure what denomination you're from, i didn't talk about religion too much

I match you with: Helen / The Bloody Painter

(under the cut bc its pretty long)

im honestly really really intimidated by the two of you

you're both very private/reserved people, so most of the time you two spend time in more quiet and calm places

some people might not even know that you two were dating until you said it explicitly because you just never mentioned it before

he absolutely loves how much he understands you because of how similar the two of you are

it took quite a while for the two of you to warm up to each other, but once you did, it was pretty smooth sailing

he doesn't mind your religion whatsoever; he was raised Catholic and is loosely Christian, although isn't baptized and doesn't go to church much

he absolutely loves doing any sort of work with you; you guys work well together and get a lot done in short periods of time

honestly just finds you fascinating. the way you carry yourself, your preferences and hobbies, your creativity and diligence; every single day he learns something new about you, and he loves it

you two learn a lot together; many long nights of reading or pouring over new information, analyzing data and researching things

although he might never say it out loud, he actually thinks that you're really cute; he loves your eyes and gets lost in them a lot. if you ever call yourself "fluffy", get ready for a 20-minute lecture about how you're beautiful and perfect the way you are and that's that

loooves drawing with you and gets you a lot of art-related gifts (although he doesn't mind doing any of your other hobbies with you ^^)

he also likes insects/bugs and spiders, and is happy that finally he found someone else who isn't grossed out by them he actually has a pet tarantula named Ekii 👀 so hopefully you like tarantulas haha

won't ever force you to open up about things, especially if it's about your past or anything triggering for you

you'll probably have to get used to hanging out with Puppeteer a lot as well-- I promise, he sort of gets better the more you get to know him (emphasis on 'sort of')

he draws you a lot and would be really touched (although he wouldn't say so) if you did the same to him

he's really interested in your empath abilities and how that works. asks a lot of clarifying questions and soaks all of the new information up

since Helen is also a bit of a perfectionist, he understands and tries to get you to be a bit easier on yourself will literally force you to stop working and go take a walk if he needs to

speaking of which-- nature walks, hikes, camping, he loves the forest too!!

although he listens to a lot of different styles, he's glad that at least once person enjoys classical music as well; he likes turning it on quietly in the background while he works :3

to make a long story short; he absolutely loves and adores you, especially since he can understand you so well although he's not an empath, he understands your emotions very well and would do anything for you ^^ <3

#creepypasta #creepypasta matchups #helen otis #creepypasta x reader

4 notes · View notes

ziracona · 3 years

Note

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

#ask #anonymous #fallout 4 #fo4 #god I love them so much. I was really proud I kept all the OGs too. everyone but Gage. who had to go but it’s his own choice and fault 🤷🏻‍♀️#GOD far harbor was a good dlc. it’s like the main quest choice again but way more condensed and twice as f ked up. my poor MC had only #come to terms just before with all the lives she took & started healing #doing bad things she did not want to do & knew he would know about and think less of her for doing. but she did them. 😔 bc of course she did #then she had to choose between letting the dude she loved be hurt in a way he wouldn’t recover from & torpedoing her relationship to him by #she loves Nick and if it’s him or her it’s always gonna be her #I was SUFFERING. a lot. but I also loved it #don’t come into my inbox and clown about liking Danse please or Gage. idc at all #like you are welcome to your opinion I’m not gonna try to convince you /not/ to like him. plz do me the same courtesy & respect my right to #have an opinion u may not like

9 notes · View notes

berjhawn · 3 years

Text

Angel On Fire - Chapter 15 - Feelings

Warnings: Feelings should be a little self explanatory

Pairings: Bucky Barnes X Reader ; Thorin Oakenshield X Reader ; Bucky X Reader X Thorin ; Marvel X Reader X Hobbit

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Your father is a little much, don’t you think?” I ask Legolas as we walk side by side towards what I believed were the dungeons.

“I do not think you have the right to question his decisions.” He replies making me furrow my brow.

“Don’t you?” I ask making him stop in his footsteps. “I don’t mean to offend you, or him.” I add looking up into his face trying to gauge his expression. “I’m not looking to start a fight or add to the feud you already have with the dwarves. I just think that there is more he could have done than to just let the dwarves wander the land homeless and freezing.”

“And what would you have done?” He asks his eyes meeting mine. I find myself in awe of their cerulean blue color. I had noticed earlier that Thranduil’s eyes were also a radiant shade of blue, close to that of the Tiffany company blue. Was it just his and his father’s eyes that were so vibrant? “Why do you stare at me so?”

“Oh,” I blink quickly trying to collect myself a hint of pink flushing my cheeks at my embarrassment. “I’m sorry, it’s just I’ve never seen eyes as blue as yours before. I kind of got distracted by their beauty.” I watch as he cocks an eyebrow at me and I clear my throat, “Any way, what were you saying?”

“I asked what you would have done, if you had been in my father’s position.” He repeats folding his arms over his chest.

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t have done what he did.” I pause as I look up to meet his gaze. “I would have done what I could have to help them at least find shelter or a place to stay.”

“What if they wanted more from you than just your help in relocating. What if they expected you to risk the lives of your own kin to reclaim a home that was lost?” Legolas reasons making me bite my tongue.

“My father once said, ‘Asgard is not a place, it’s a people’; therefore, I think I would have explained to them that no matter where you were, as long as your people are safe, your home and kingdom are safe.”

“Your father was a very wise man.” Legolas states making you nod.

“That he was.” I add as I turn to look away from him. “I fear he would not be very proud of me right now.”

“Why do you think that?” He asks turning to face me, concern filling his eyes.

“There are some things I have done that I am not very proud of. Lying to Thorin and the rest of the dwarves being one of them. I don’t know, I just don’t think I could handle them looking at me like I’m some kind of monster just because I have powers.”

“If they look at you like that, then they were never your friends to begin with.” He offers making me roll my eyes.

“That’s not very helpful.” I state causing a smirk to fill his lips.

“I was not trying to be helpful. Just being honest.”

“Again, not helpful.” Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and then let it out. Opening them I meet Legolas’s gaze and smile. “Thank you,”

“For what?” He asks tilting his head in confusion.

“For being friendly with me.” I state making him nod slightly. “I know you are concerned about my powers and I understand why.” I take a deep breath. Should I share with him? What’s the worst that could happen.

“When I was younger; when my powers first appeared… I couldn’t control them. I would catch fire just from losing my temper, freeze the great hall when I was sad, and when I was happy, I caused a giant tree to appear in the courtyard. Even now I still have issues with controlling them when my emotions are all over the place. I promise I will not lose my cool and do anything to hurt your home or its people.”

“Thank you, for your promise. I will hold you to it.” Legolas adds making me give him a quick nod as I look down at my hands. “How about we start over.”

“How so?” I ask looking up at him.

“As friends.” He offers making my heart lift in my chest.

“I would love to be your friend. Thank you, Legolas.” I unconsciously reach out and wrapping my arms around his middle pull him against me in a hug. He tenses for a moment before his hands rest gently on my shoulders. When I realize what I had done, I quickly pull away my face red from embarrassment.

“Sorry, I got a head of myself.” I quickly clear my throat. “Shall we?”

We talked about random things on the way down to the dungeons. It was surprising how easy it was to talk to him. Especially when I didn’t have to hide a big part of myself. I told him how beautiful I found his home to be. He asked about mine. It was a little hard to talk about Asgard but I found he listened closely and didn’t interrupt.

“Here we are,” Legolas calls as he moves slightly out of the way so that I could walk down the stairs in front of him.

“Thorin?” I call out as I start to look into the cells for him.

“There ya are lass,” Dwalin calls and I smile as I look over to see him standing in the doorway of a cell across the way.

“Are you alright? They didn’t do anything to you, did they?” Fili asks and I hear Legolas scoff behind me obviously offended.

“I’m fine. I actually owe them my gratitude for saving me from the spiders. Of which you all failed to mention.”

“They wouldn’t have known. We don’t make a habit of letting other lands know of our business.” Legolas says from behind me and I nod.

“Then I forgive you all.” I say my eyes still searching for Thorin. “Where is Thorin?”

“I’m here.” He calls out from a few cells down and I see his hand shoot out to let me know where he was. Biting my lip, I move over to his cell and taking his hand hold it tightly as I look for his face. As my eyes meet his I feel tears sting my eyes. “I am glad to see that you are alright.”

“I was so scared.” I say my voice scratching as I try not to cry.

“I tried to get to you.” He speaks his grip tightening on my hand. “But the spiders…”

“I understand.” I reply my eyes focused on our joined hands.

I stand there for a moment just relishing in the feeling that being back with Thorin gave me. I felt relieved and even though we were standing in the dungeons; him on one side of the bars and I on the other, I felt that this was where I belonged. Taking a deep breath, I turn to Legolas and giving him a sad smile say in Elvish.

“lothron im dortho na în?” (May I stay with him?) I ask.

“Whui?” (Why?) He asks his eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Im iest na deri an nín gwedeir sí.” (I wish to wait for my brother’s here.) I answer hopefulness in my eyes.

“No,” He replies shaking his head. “You still need to treat your injuries.” Legolas motions to my sides and I let out a heavy sigh as I turn back to Thorin.

“I would stay with you…”

“You need to heal first.” Thorin finishes and I nod. “I have no doubt that we will be here waiting for you when you are well.” I grip tighter to his hands silently wishing I could hug him. I turn to Legolas who meets my gaze then sighs.

“You can see him for just a moment.” Legolas says from behind me as he reaches forward to hand me the keys to Thorin’s cell. I smile brightly as I reach forward and unlocking the cell hand the keys back to Legolas. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

“Thank you.” I say as I turn from Legolas and walk into Thorin’s cell. When we are alone, I bite my lips as the air between us becomes awkward.

“(Name),” Thorin says as he motions over to the cot like bed in his cell. “Would you like to sit?”

“Thank you,” I answer as I walk over and sit down, where he quickly joins me.

After another awkward silence I am about to say something when he speaks, “Again, I am sorry I was unable to make it to you.”

“Thorin, I understand. Those spiders… those were something truly terrifying.”

“But you are part of my company, I promised to keep you safe.” He pauses his eyes staring off into the ether. “I almost failed… I almost lost you.”

A lump fills my throat making it hard to breathe. Something deep inside me felt like he was feeling the same thing I was and I force a smile.

“But you didn’t.” I reply as I look down at his hands. “I wasn’t about to let you all go into that mountain without me.”

“I have been thinking about that. Maybe it’s best if you stay behind.” He says and my heart clenches. Was I being rejected?

“Why?” I ask suddenly feeling both hurt and angry.

“I do not think I could live if something ever happened to you.” He answers his deep steel grey eyes meeting mine.

“I can take care of myself Thorin. I’ve been doing it for years.” I reply as I quickly advert my gaze to the floor. “The spiders were just something I couldn’t handle. I don’t do spiders. I really, really dislike spiders.”

“How do I know you won’t be at the mercy of what else may come? There are many creatures of the night here, not just giant spiders.” He argues. Furrowing my brow, I pull my hands away from his and standing up walk to the other side of the cell, my eyes focused on the cold wall.

“Thorin, I will not be treated like some fair maiden that needs protecting. I am not some damsel in distress. I’m…” I pause feeling that familiar fear of being rejected and being looked at like a monster filling my head. I couldn’t tell him. Not yet. “I can handle myself. I promise you won’t have to worry about me.”

“I will always worry about you.” Thorin interjects as he stands and walking over to me gently grabs my elbow turning me towards him. I look down into his eyes as his free hand reaches up to gently cup my cheek. Closing my eyes, I lean into his touch sighing as the rough calluses scrape against my skin.

“Please don’t go where I can’t follow.” I beg tears stinging my eyes. “I can’t take being left behind again.”

“(Name)…” He starts only to pull my head down to rest upon his shoulder. “I will not leave you.”

My body relaxes as I let out a breath I hadn’t been aware I was holding. His hands gently smooth my hair back as he therapeutically starts to repeat the motion. My heart starts to race in my chest and I realize that whether I wanted to or not, I was falling, and falling hard for Thorin. Did he feel the same, or was he just doing all of this out of habit? Was all this just something the dwarves would do or say to make each other feel safe and loved.

“(Name), if we survive all this, I have something I wish to tell you.” Thorin declares making me pull away to meet his hungry eyes.

“Why can’t you tell me now?” I ask looking down at the ground between us.

“There are circumstances I must attend to first.” He answers and I nod. “But I will tell you, and I hope you’ll give me an answer.”

“Thorin, I will impatiently wait for your words.” I add making him smirk.

God, I loved his smile. I felt the urge to kiss him overcome me and I bite my lip as my eyes look down at his own lips. I am about to say more when the sound of someone clearing their throat catches my attention. I turn from Thorin and back toward the cell door to see Legolas standing there and I nod slightly.

“You must go. Make sure they take care of your injuries.” Thorin demands and I nod.

“I will be back.” I reply making him gently rub my arms.

“(Name), we must get back.” Legolas announces and I let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m coming.” I call back to him as I quickly lean forward and hug Thorin. His strong arms wrap around my waist giving me a tight squeeze. It was only after I hugged him did I realize that I was about a good head taller than him; so, his head was at the same level as my chest. My face flushes red in embarrassment as I slowly pull away from him. “I will try to get you out of here.”

“I have faith in you.” He replies and I smile. His hands slowly move from my waist to my hand as I slowly leave him in the cell alone.

“Go get healed up lass,” I hear Balin say as I pass him and I offer him a soft smile as I nod.

“I will.”

Will Continue-

Tags:

@elysasthings @gaenahelleborus

18 notes · View notes

amazingorangedangantrash · 4 years

Note

The only ending everyone seems to ignore is v3 because it’s just... it’s just a mess.

How do feel about this game survivors? And do you think that everyone woke up from the simulator or tv show like sdr2 or only the survivors?

Hoo boy...

Honestly nonny, having only finished the dang thing yesterday I... don't know.

(I kinda went off into a spiel, so feel free to skip to the part where I talk about survivors and what I think happens next)

I understand the mixed response a LOT. I mean- I see what they were going for. The 4th wall break was cool, and the (sorta?) reappearance of past characters was pretty damn awesome. I like that the creators are definitely self aware- and there's a kind of 'learn to laugh at yourself' sort of thing.

On the other hand it can almost seem a little too mocking?

I get the whole yaknow. 'Fictional characters are aware they're fictional and rebel against their creators' thing but- like-?

As I mentioned before, thing is, Tsumugi is not us? We aren't exactly intentionally cruel? There's a BIG difference between the kind of fiction in our world and in their world.

What does Tsumugi call it? "Real fiction"?. Yeah- thing is- we don't have that. We don't have the technology for it, and I certainly hope we wouldn't abandon ethics for it either!!! We can't have 'real' fiction, because in our world, all fiction is fake! The closest you have is fiction about real people, perhaps, but- that's not even remotely the same thing?

So it does come across as a little... um- preachy.

We're supposed to represent the audience but... like- the audience fucking suck! What was that they said during the argument armament? "This guy should have died instead of Kaede!" Like- fucking hell. Imagine saying that to someone, who can HEAR you say it, and who's MURDER you could potentially watch unfold before your very eyes as a result of YOUR actions. I mean- look how empathetic some of us are to ACTUAL fictional characters. Could you imagine if we were in a similar situation to the outside world in V3???

Maybe it's because I keep imagining the v3 cast as like- sentient AI, instead of "just fiction". Because I can't imagine anyone being so sadistic or apathetic otherwise.

So uh- yeah. I don't... know how I feel about that. It's not- very satisfying?

With sdr2, the whole "none of this is real, the killing game is all a lie, you're in a fake world!" felt like a relief ! Whereas here it's more like- "what?? It's all fake? What the hell was the point then?!"

"Nothing matters!" vs "nothing matters..."

The whole HOPE VS DESPAIR, FUTURE VS PAST thing worked, because, well, it's something we can all understand. We have all felt hope and we have all felt despair. We've all, at some point in our lives, felt stuck in the past, unable to or scared to move on.

(Hey- some of us still feel like that now, even).

The first game was very simple- hope and despair. Still relatable, but fairly basic- effective to set up the foundation for the follow up.

The second game made things a little more complicated. Sometimes it's more complicated then just- choosing between Hope and Despair. We refuse to fall into Despair, but we can't just blindly have Hope.

So we choose the Future. We can't promise it'll be a good one OR a bad one. But whatever happens- we need to move on. The only way we can make things change is by making that choice, to create our OWN future.

V3 felt very... complex. It started to get kind of... uh... philosophical? And- don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with that. It just... it kind of shifted from TRUTH VS LIE to FICTION VS REALITY. And whilst the latter definitely sounds interesting- I don't really know if I liked the direction they took with it-? I wish they'd kept the focus on TRUTH VS LIE a lot more.

(Fiction and Reality are like extensions of Lie and Truth but- only to a certain extent? Really?)

It's kind of harder to get into the final fight in V3 because... what are you fighting? The outside world? I mean- I can't speak for the rest of you, but as far as I'm aware I'm not a fictional character.

(If I am- then wow someone's a reallly bad writer huh?)

I can relate to Hope. I can relate to Future.

I can't relate to Fiction.

I THOUGHT maybe the message was a warning of the dangers of escapism ('please dont go as far as to erase your own personality just to be a part of a type of fiction you like' definitely seems fitting for this fandom)- but the message "fiction has the power to change the world!" kinda contradicts that. I mean- I do like that message, but- I don't like the idea of a series about killing games being heavily influential-!

The whole problem was that people grew so obsessed with the series that they threw away their lives! Is that not the point you should be focusing on-!!!!

The outside world in this universe fucking sucks. So they changed their mind, big DEAL! that's not comforting knowing they let this shit continue for 53 seasons-! I mean, maybe Makoto and Hajime were all 100% fictional, but at some point they started putting real people into these games, and everyone was ok with that!

I just-

I'm glad Shuichi got through to them at last but...

Someone said something which resonated with me- "in a vacuum, this is good". Like... on it's own, I thought the ending was great! It was entertaining, for sure. And the whole concept and stuff was unexpected and interesting. You gotta give em points for originality.

The problem comes with it being the 3rd game in a series. (Ignoring UDG I mean-). When a series becomes a Trilogy, you gotta make it good. This is presumably the last game in the (main) series too. And- after the UTTER NARRATIVE DISAPPOINTMENT of dr3- can you blame people for wanting more? People fell in love for THH and SDR2 (and UDG even if its not part of the main series) for a reason- and, for me at least, a biiiig part of that reason was the continued storyline. The last chapter of sdr2 was the hypest shit EVER. when you see glimpses of the previous game bleed into this one, only for it to turn into what's like- a full crossover???? The previous game isn't just mentioned, it's a straight up sequel!!!! I had absolutely no idea Makoto and co would return (i thought the games were separate) so when i saw that they'd be interacting with the new cast- yoooooooooooooooo-!

Hell, even seeing alter ego again made me go WILD.

V3 plays upon these expectations, and subverts them, but... not necessarily in a good way? You- kind of feel cheated? (Idk if you're an avengers fan, but- it's like expecting *Endgame* and instead getting...

Well- Endgame).

The ending isn't bad persay it's just- not quite what one would expect? I can definitely understand why people are disappointed. The problem is, instead of standing alone, you can't help but consider it as part of the series. Individually, I don't think the ending was that weak or bad, but in comparison to the series as a whole?

Meh.

SURVIVORS

(Oh my- I really got off track, oh dear. I'll- get back to what you asked now.)

KEEBO

W H Y

They rllly gonna rub salt in the wound huh?

(Whilst i dont dislike the other survivors, there are a LOT of people i really really wanted to see make it to the end, and it's just the final god damn nail in the coffin to kill off the last of the few characters I came even close to liking the most-)

Killing keebo was dumb

Maki- I liked Maki quite a bit! She's a bit cold, yeah, but I warmed up to her after hearing her backstory.

I found it annoying (if understandable) that no one trusted her at first. I thought it was sweet that her, Kaito and Shuichi had this friendship trio. They really trusted each other- it was very refreshing. I also love me a strong girl. Her romance thing with Kaito was a little... forced. I'd have found it more meaningful if they kept it more subtle/ambiguous (though i suppose they needed smth to use against her in the final trial sooo-).

Himiko-

I-

*sigh*

Ok I'm going to say this once, and once only.

Someoneonthedrteamhasabigthingforlolis

OK! I SAID IT- AND IM NEVER SAYING IT AGAIN

No judgement here of course. Just. Uh. Y-yeah-

(I'm mainly kidding of course, idek if Himiko counts as a loli but-)

I mean... I'm not... the fondest of very small, childish girl characters (Saionji intensifies). I like a bit of childishness in a character but- i mean- it depends.

(I'll never recover from the "seductive whisper" thing from the love suite event

Never.

Never ever.)

Himiko comes across as like An Actual Child at times and at the start it was VERY annoying. Surprisingly, I warmed up to her eventually. I knew in advance she'd be a survivor so i kinda thought "well she's gonna stick around so might as well try to like her". I do appreciate that she underwent a character arc too, and it was sweet to see how she became a more active, determined person. I wish it hadn't taken Tenko's death for her to finally start changing but whatever. She is quite a cute character and after a while became more endearing then annoying.... (for the most part).

Was she in my top 3 picks for a survivor? No.

The top 10 even?

N-no-

I'm glad she's still alive though. SOMEONE damn well needs to be.

Tsumugi- ah. She's not a survivor, is she? I knew well in advance she was the mastermind so I didn't really warm up to her all that much during the final chapters, for obvious reasons.

Shuichi- if shuichi hadn't survived I think that would have been the breaking point for me, honestly.

Overall- uh... they aren't... the ideal picks. Shuichi is the only one I really wanted to see survive, I was neutral towards the others. Tbh I was just happy anyone was alive by the end of that.

Waking up- for the sake of my sanity, I like to think that after the survivors wake up, they threaten to sue and/or maim the shit out of the dr team if they don't start on reanimating their 'dead' friends right fucking now. Surely they gotta keep their consciousness' somewhere in those memories banks right? I mean- what if they ever wanted a "surprise return from the dead" plotline? Surely they gotta keep em somewhere? Right?

Whether or not they reawaken as their in-game or pre-game selves, who knows. Whichever you prefer, I guess. Maybe a mixture of both.

#ahdhsjsjsj #i am Tired ^tm #this makes me sound more disappointed with the ending than i am djskshsjs #im not actually as salty as i sound ok i promise-#im just naturally pessimistic #ironic coming from a makoto stan but wygd #v3 #rambling #thoughts #my post #anon #long #jajakdjsjs i went overboard again oops

10 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

1. Get something off your chest. I hate how I can’t even cough once and not think that it’s maybe corona. Sometimes ya just gotta cough, you get that tickle in your throat or your mouth is dry or whatever and you have to cough, it doesn’t mean you’re coming down something. Other illnesses besides corona exist as well (though it doesn’t seem like it anymore). Ugh, but it’s always my first thought now whenever I have to cough, sneeze, or just feel sicky (which isn’t unusual for me). 2. The last dream you remember having. I rarely remember my dreams for some reason. I quickly forget them after waking up. 3. Current relationship in details. Single. 4. A photo of your best friend. 5. You have a sleepover with 5 people from Tumblr, who do you pick and why? Okay, c’mon Lane, Elisabeth, Robyn, Lina, and Laura we’re gonna have a getaway to somewhere fun. haha.

6. Your last sexual experience – when/where/how/who. 7. Tell us about someone you hate/strongly dislike. Just myself. 8. List everything you eaten today. So far just ramen, which was at 1AM. It’s 7AM now. I am kinda hungry, but I’m not gonna eat again until later on after I get up and stuff. 9. Post an unflattering photo of yourself. Uh, that’s a hell no. 10. Post lyrics that are relevant to how you feel right now. “And we’ll sleep all, sleep all day...” 11. If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? Thankfully, that would never happen, but if it did I guess I’d stay with my aunt. 12. The last time you were angry and why. Blah. 13. The last time you cried and why. A couple days ago. 14. How your life was different this time last year? Well, at least last July In was able to go somewhere for my birthday. The world hadn’t yet been hit by corona. It’s crazy, we had no idea what was to come. 15. Go to your photo folder, go to the first letter of your name and post the first photo. I’m using my phone to watch a YouTube video and I don’t feel like clicking off it to do that. I don’t have any photos saved on my laptop, so. 16. Would you rather run through town naked at midday or sleep with the most disgusting person you know? Well, I’m not running naked out in public especially, nor am I going to sleep with anyone. 17. Google your horoscope for today – how accurate is it? Nah. 18. You have to spend a day with number 23 on your IM contact list. How lucky are you? I don’t have any instant messengers. Well, except for Facebook Messenger and the chat thingy on here, but there isn’t a contact list. 19. Refresh your dashboard, whose blog do you prefer, the first or fifth person to appear. The 5th, @just-shower-thoughts 20. Tell us about someone you miss or the time you miss. I miss my childhood. And despite the fact I’ve been going through a rough and low time these past few years, at least there wasn’t a global pandemic going on. I miss not having that. 21. List things you spend money on in an average week. I don’t spend much money, honestly. I do some online shopping sometimes, but I’ve been pretty good about not spending a lot this year. There are still those pesky bills, though. 22. Your plans for summer. Couldn’t do anything this year. I’m so glad summer is almost over, though. 23. Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. 24. Post the last FB group/page that you joined. It was for this YouTube channel I follow, Defuntland, that makes videos about stuff like past amusement park rides, amusement park history, and old TV shows. I’ve been obsessed with channels like this lately, I’ve been watching a ton of videos from a few different channels. 25. Your best friend starts dating your ex. How do you feel about it? My mom would never do that. 26. Address a few words to 3 people. Nah. 27. Refresh your dashboard. Who would you rather sleep with, the second person or the sixth that appears? No one. 28. Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? I’m 31 years old. They’d be happy for me and be like, finally! ha. Cause they don’t know about my boyfriend I had in high school (it was very brief anyway) or the whole Joseph situation. Well, my mom kinda did. I know my parents definitely thought something was or would happen with me and Ty, though. They were all for that. But anyway, so yeah they haven’t seen me in a relationship. 29. Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they've slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Virgin here. 29. What was the last sport you watched on TV? I don’t watch sports. 30. How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? I give out a lot of chances. 31. Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? A lot of things, but not everything. 32. Ever had a crush on a teacher/someone at least 10 years older/member of the same sex? Alexander Skarsgard is 13 years older than me. 33. Do you like being alone? I like having my alone time, I need that, but I don’t want to be alone all the time. 34. Describe what you are wearing. Leggings and an oversized graphic tee. 35. Name one thing you love about winter. Christmastime! 36. What’s your phone wallpaper right now? The lock screen is a Bible verse written over a beachy photo and my home screen is rose gold. 37. Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? Yeah, my loved ones. 38. How did you get one of your scars? Surgery. 39. What board games are you good at? I don’t if I’m necessarily good, but I love board games. 40. When you like someone do you tell them? Depends.

#personal #text #surveys #survey

9 notes · View notes

thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

Text

Med Rewatch Series (#3)

Let’s see what we have on the slate. this should be the premiere of s3: Speak Your Truth. I am watching this during school, so let’s see how bad my focus is.

-the episode description is “The shooting of Dr. Charles moves to the courtroom and things turn complicated for the doctors and nurses of Chicago Med.” so still on brand for being all sorts of vague.

-all that really says is more sarah angst so big sad

-let’s get started

-god back to classic med, starting things off fast, just how i like it

-how tf kellogg live through the headshot. guy can’t do anything right

-connor running towards charles on the guerney screaming “what the hell happened!?” and sharon just being “he got shot.” is so fucking hilarous to me i have no clue why

-oh god i remember how much it bothered me that connor changed his hair from the end of s2 to the start of s3 lol (bc it’s supposed to be the same night, but yk, nitpicking)

-the time jump is such an interesting choice. i remember it was jarring at first. i’m sure i’ll have more to say as the episode goes on

-aw hey guys look its sarah! adorable

-also stoll

-oh god, nat taking a sabbatical was weird

-WHEN SHE LOOKS AT WILL SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE IS IN PAIN IM SCREAMING

-counting

-oh boy watching s3 means i get to watch noah get thrown through a glass door and also be a disappointment

-the way connor is effortlessly charming here in the beginning is maybe the only reason i tolerate his character (also more of sarah being adorable)

-horney boi. stop it.

-noah following after sarah like a lovesick puppy is funny

-sarah saying ‘he’s the reason i went into psych...’ honey, psych is not good for your mental health please stop giving him credit

-HOLD THE FUCK ON?????

-its the s3 premiere and Sarah talks about her dad and her strained relationship, specifically because noah compares charles getting shot to her dad getting shot. but like, foreshadowing... maybe i should give the med writers a smidge more of credit than I have been in terms of planning things...

-sarah: “don’t compare my dad to dr. charles.”

-long sigh. god... sarah being so supportive. and charles just being ‘No???’

-not to be weird but court room scenes always get me feeling some sorta way

-haha its peter stone! remember him? remember chicago justice?

-THE BETRAYAL ON SARAH’S FACE - she cares so much about him and he’s about to get his own shooter acquitted.

-god sarah is just fucking fantastic. she feels so passionately about caring about people

-god charles fucking hates himself so much? he should Not be ava’s mentor

-charles: “I think the shooting is affecting your objectivity.” sarah: “mY oBjECtiViTy?!”

-also they said ‘the fact he was concealing a weapon shows like fear malicious content’ or what ever. and uh,, sarah? please. please, for my sanity. (bc of what happens later in the season)

-charles- you know how you can help me? fuck off.

-lol this kid is the one who had like a tooth ache, and now his brain is rotting or something. probably will happen to me (@ my parents please let me see the dentist)

-this is where doris is like ethan is playing favorites

-the like background noises of the ed calm me down. they prob really shouldn’t

-they’re gonna fuckkkkk

-something to be said about sarah being gung ho about kellogg being off the streets and a danger to society when... her dad...

- I really like when med does the thing when one character is just standing in the ed and they transition to the next story by having the next character run past

-what is with all of the nurses drama like honestly

-hey guys look its ava! (let see if i have enough brain cells to find anything)

-heyyyy look at that. ava trying usurp some of connor’s cases. while, yeah she is being a tad undermining, connor’s gf was literally just discharged from a psych hold. this is just an interaction to keep in mind for future events.

-ava’s playing full cunning while connor’s busy fucking his girlfriend

-dont hate the player man

-because they’re both under latham, they’re more rivals than hero/villain, bc they have a common guy who is their advisor. but yeah. dont hate the player

-robin calling ava ‘cruella’ is making want to throw hands ngl. god dude chill - bc it means either robin just saw ava interacting with people and thought ‘what a bitch’ or connor was complaining about ava and either way I hate it.

-connor broke up with robin bc she was too horneyyy (ik he didn’t break up w her but yk)

-connor - reese interaction was nice. until he started blaming her bruh wtf chilll

-her arguing with connor is like. peak. (ava + sarah teaming up to bully connor and not take any of his shit?? i think yes)

-this ethan april thing is stupid. i’m just gonna say it.

-ava: “that would have been a really great idea if you were trying to kill him.” SHE TAKES NO. SURVIVORS. i love her so much

-YEAH RHODES GET FUCKED! i think one of the reasons ava was disliked at first was bc latham kind of favored her and... literally everyone else favored connor? so get fucked? but here, ava can obviously hold her own and connor is just whining. I’m glad they put them on equal ground bc connor and ava’s direct superior is on ava’s side, and literally everyone else is with connor. AND CONNORS STILL PLAYED AS AN UNDERDOG BC AVA TOOK HIS SURGERY! HOW. infuriating

-anyway, for the purposes of the theory ava is capable enough to hold her own as a stand alone, and clever enough to be entertaining

-holy shit no i think i just remembered how this storyline goes. connor gets a better surgery, right? he gets glory and stuff. this is too fucking rich, come on. let one thing go wrong for him.

-i miss ava

-GOD SARAH LOOKS GOOD IN HER FUCKING BLAZER. unfair. unmatched

-stop it sarah you have anxiety.

-SARAH NO. BABY IS SCARED.

-okay. Ava is half bickering, half flirting with him, a little annoying but we put up with it bc we love her and its not her fault she’s supposed to be his love interest. but still, it’s playful, it’s not neccesarily flirting. conceivably, she could be talking to anybody. But then, she tells him to relax, to take a day off. SHE’S STILL A GOOD PERSON. SHE’S NOT TRYING TO EXPLICITLY SPITE CONNOR, OR ANYONE. that’s what people tend to forget. she’s not malicious.

-connor thinks she is tho. maybe that’s why some people hated her, bc connor hated her

-charles: “kellogg is not a criminal” BRUH HE SHOT YOU

-HOLY SHIT. SHARON RN IS LIKE YOU WANT KELLOGG TO BE FREE BC YOU DIDN’T CATCH THE SIGNS OF A KILLER AND ITS ABOUT YOUR EGO

-AND??? SARAH’S DAD ANYONE? that was why he was so persistent of sarah’s dad. he wanted to catch the signs.

-OKAY HERE. When latham is like, wait, did ava manipulate me? is she actually sus? he was the one person on her side and then boom he sides with connor. literally do you have any idea how great ava would be without connor?

-this manstead thing is soooo exhausting

Okay so what have we learned?

Ava is getting Connor’s cases. kind of rude but also, they’re surgeons? It’s super competitive. AND CONNOR LITERALLY WON THAT ROUND BC LATHAM SWITCHED SIDES???

AND SHE STILL TOLD CONNOR TO GET SLEEP. LIKE SHE WAS BEING NICE WHILE ALSO BEING SNARKY

ava had less lines in the ep than in s2 and honestly. wtf.

not much content, but if you look at her content, come on she’s still amazing.

thanks for sticking through

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #med rewatch series #speak your truth #mine

3 notes · View notes

kinkymagnus · 4 years

Note

Hey I've read a lot of your posts, where Magnus is a trans boy and I like that a lot, but I was wondering if you don't like the canon cis male Magnus? I'd ask you non-anonymously too, but I'm honestly scared of some people's hate messages for a question like this... sorry

long answer long answer lmao

hmgmgmnggg ok so i, hm. ok, i don’t think this was meant in a rude way at all, and i promise im in Education(TM) mode not Kill The Malicious Evil Transphobe(TM) mode like im not, accusing you of anything here, at all

but i do have a few Issues with like, the way this was asked i guess

i will answer your question just--give me a sec, im a little uncomfortable here

also like, ok, i get why you’re sending it anonymously, it’s cool--personally i’ve never seen anyone get hate on behalf of trans magnus headcanons (rather than against them) but i mean, hate can come in all shapes and sizes i guess? and anxiety, so. whatever, it’s fine, i get it

but anyway moving on: first, “canon” cis magnus. my dude... my guy... did at any point magnus say I Am Cisgender or pull out his dick.... like... neither trans or cis magnus is really “canon” just as like, you know, izzy isn’t confirmed straight or bi or pan. we know she likes dudes and personally i think the way she looks at clary indicates she sure do like girls, too, but that doesn’t seem to have been intended so it’s debatable, and that’s basically it.

also, in the context of just like... historical shit, realistically magnus isn’t cis. is he trans in the way i write about (like afab, “pre op”)? no, not necessarily in canon (although he isn’t... not that either i guess--we do see his flat chest, no scars, but HYPOTHETICALLY that could be a glamour, or the scars are magically healed. we know he has an adams apple, but there ways to do that without magic, let alone with magic. so like. i’m just saying.)

but like, he wouldn’t be cis how we understand it either by the simple virtue of being much older than the western gender binary as we know it. even if he was born with a penis and all of that and identified as a Man(TM) And Nothing Else that wouldn’t mean his idea of masculinity/manhood would be the same as ours, or that it wouldn’t at least be shaped by very different factors. so like. even if my version of trans magnus isn’t confirmed canon, cis magnus certainly isn’t either i think. that might be slicing hairs or getting finnicky with language, but it’s how i feel about it.

and just assuming that he’s canonically cis rubs me the wrong way, like, characters aren’t cishet by default, you know? obviously the writers probably weren’t intending to make him trans, and cc certainly wasn’t when she stole his character from dark hunters and made it “her own”, or else there’d be a bunch of transphobic tropes in there, but like, you know, death of the authors, we make sense of canon now. intentions arguably don’t matter, we do with the story what we will, especially when working within it.

again i don’t think you were necessarily being like “well magnus is canonically cis so :/” but it rubs me the wrong way and is something i’ve seen before so like, yeah

secondly, “trans boy” magnus versus “cis male” magnus. why boy, anon. why boy

(god why does “why boy” sound like a bizarre t-shirt slogan or a mbmbam segment--NO, BRAIN. WE ARE ON SERIOUS BUSINESS.)

but seriously tho like the sort of infantilization of trans men is really a thing (seeing them as “soft bois” and “uwu cute boys” and feminine/soft/small/delicate) and like, specifically calling magnus a trans boy versus when he’s cis he’s a “male” (which technically can refer to any age but has those like, Connotations) sits wrong with me. like, magnus isn’t a boy, you know? i mean i get making jokes like “aw my boys <3″ or whatever, but with this it’s not that say memey context AND specifically it concerns a trans man (not to mention him being asian) so like, it feels, yikes? like just. he isn’t a “trans boy”

im sorry i realize it seems like im just like harshly picking apart your answer and i really dont mean to sound like a bitch here but like, again. Education(TM) mode not Anon Hate(TM) mode. just for learning, it’s cool, i’m not angry at you, it’s chill.

to answer your question with the yikes language gently nudged to the trash chute: do i dislike cis magnus?

simple answer: yes.

complicated answer: not really. i already stated why i don’t like Cis(TM) magnus as it feels unrealistic and dumb and also he just doesn’t have cis energy lmao, but if you just mean like... well this isn’t really “cis” but kind of what people mean in this context, AMAB magnus (meaning he was “assigned male at birth” aka has a penis and all that) and he’s canonically gnc so like, he’s “cis” even if his understanding of masculinity might be different than ours and obviously we’ve seen him be gnc and all that.... i don’t really hate that, and objectively, i have no issues with it, but personal taste wise, i basically only read/write trans magnus as you see on my blog now. because i’ve kind of absorbed it as “canon” in my head (fanon, i guess, lmao)

plus, just generally trans magnus is really important to me because like, a) he is #goals i too want to be a muscular gnc hottie, b) he’s relatable and i project all my shit onto him lmao, c) it just feels very validating, in a lot of ways--with the sexual preferences i write about, his insecurities, just the way he looks, and him being trans is just kind of reassuring, you know? also d) i honestly think it fits him/his character/his backstory and he just has the vibes u kno

so basically, Cis(TM) magnus? no-go. cis magnus as in AMAB/identifies as a man full stop even if it’s wibbly wobbly compared to current times and lbr no one is going to really explore that much beyond him being outwardly gnc sometimes? fine, whatever. trans afab magnus still being gnc as hell? yessssssss

ldkgjfgh anyway im glad you like my posts!!! and hopefully ive Inducted Another Into The Trans Magnus Cult (thats a joke, but seriously, im just like,,,,,maam do u have time for ur lord and savior trans magnus?? maam blease)

2 notes · View notes

futurewriter2000 · 5 years

Text

Quick rant

Okay so I have this friend who has a bf (woo shocker) and today she told me that her bf doesnt like me. And first of all I am a DELIGHT to be around with and secondly hhow the fuck can he judge me without even knowing me. And not that I care that he doesnt like me. I don't and I do. But like you wanna know why doesn't he like me? Because I see him. Bc I see him as a fucking manipulative motherfucker that he is. And he's not bad. I know he's not "that bad" and its not that I hate him. No its not that but you know what it is? When I heard that he doesnt like me I was relived. Why? Because since that day that we ran at each other when I was with me he pretended he didnt know me. He pretended he didnt know me or my sister or anybody when clearly on New Years 2018 we met. And he knew who I was long before that and long after that and he still pretended that he didnt know. And my friend kept telling me what a Saint he is and how he doesnt drink and how he's a 20 yo virgin and I love my friend, I really do but I told her many times that she is too naive. I told her that this guy, her bf, he knows me and he knows who my sister is. And when I last saw him he was drunk on his ass so you cant tell me that he doesnt drink when he does. And I didn't tell her this bc I didnt want to come off too strong but what the fuck? 20 yo virgin, from Balkan, who is literally a hooligan, and he had a serious relationship with a girl he was deeply in love with for the past two years before he met my friend and youre telling me that in both of his 18th and 19th year before he met my friend didnt fuck her????? Then what did they do?? Sit and watch each other??? Like I know she wants to see the best in people and shes in love with him a d she believes hes a virgin but man is she so naive.

And, wait here comes the good part. When I told her that he was drunk the last time I saw him, she asked him that and he denied it. And guess which one she believed. Yes. Him. A guy who she has known at that time for three months and me who she has known then 2 years. She believed him. HIM! Like how fucking dense does she think I am that I cannot see 5he fucking difference between a man who is sober and a man who is drunk. I grew up with an alcoholic. Like I can pretty much see someone from a mile always and tell you that hes drunk or sober.

But ok. I let it slide bc she was in love with him and she was so happy and I loved seeing her so happy. So even when I had this gut feeling about him... Dislike?? Perhaps idk I just wanted her to be happy.

Even tho he deleted and blocked my sister from snapchat for to "prove" to my friend that he is loyal. (Like fucking deleting someone from snapchat makes you loyal. No. It makes you a fucking prick. Obsessive little fuckers.). Even tho he kept calling my friend about her whereabouts or bc she didnt reply that instant minute. Like shes in school. She cant text you you dumbass. Like if she doesnt reply to him in 5 minutes, hes calling her. Love or wanting someone to control? You tell me. And even tho he wanted to sleep with my friend like 3 months after they started dating... Like i let all of that slide bc all I wanted was to see my friend happy. Cuz she sparkles when shes happy and thats just a sparkle you dont want to take away.

And now she told me he doesnt like me and I was glad bc at that same moment I could finally say that I don't like him back. Idk what his reasons are, I know what mine are but I have a feeling that I know one of his reasons. It's that I see him. I see him through all the bullshit he puts on. He doesnt like me because he's afraid of what I might do. Talk to my friend about every fucking logical reason that he's nothing more bjt your typical fucking liar.

But he's afraid for no reason. Idc that he doesnt like me. Honestly, my friend didnt listen to me when I tried to tell her that he might not be who she thi is. And tbh I love that sparkle in her but that's not my fight. He is her decision. Not mine. Im going to stay away bc unlike him, I don't know what he is like when they are alone and I don't know who he is. I don't know him in the way she does and maybe he really is an sober 20 yo virgin who goes to those fan weird things (it still doesnt make sense to me but what if. I know he wasnt sober that night).

I am okay with that but what I am mad about is that he thinks like I am that typical friend who wants to break them up. Like no. I'm not and I bet youre not a typical žic študent. I know hes hardworking. I know he tries his best in school and I know that he isnt all bad as I said at the top. Everybody has flaws but like... Just because I see him under all of that put up shows does not mea. HE DOES T FUCKING GET TO NOT LIKE ME! I AM AMAZING AND HE SHOULD BE INTIMIDATED BY ME BC I LOOK AFTER MY FRIENDS THAT SON OF A BITCH AND IF HE TRIES TO FUCKING TURN MY FRIEND AGAINST ME HE SHOULD FUCKING BE PREPARED BC I AM ALL ABOUT BREAKING NECKS!

14 notes · View notes

wakasagayhime · 5 years

Text

very long, very personal post

tldr, im still not drawing but here’s a detailed account of everything that’s happened in case anyone is confused or misinformed

alright. let me start out by saying i’m not going back to art just yet. it still hurts to do anything art related and i’m still trying to find a way to heal from all of this. i need some kind of professional help first, and i don’t know how long it’ll take afterwards for me to begin feeling like myself again. i don’t even know if i’ll be able to get any kind of professional help at the moment; my university’s counseling center told me, in short, that i’m so mentally ill that their services would not be enough for me and i’d have to look elsewhere (which is reasonable, tbh, they’re almost always completely booked so it’s difficult to actually even talk to someone there in the first place, i only got to talk to them to begin with because i nearly killed myself one night after having the most intense panic attack of my life where i felt like i was actually in the process of dying) and as if that weren’t enough, if you follow me on twitter you’d know that my mom finally left my stepdad, but this means that we no longer really have a home to call our own and are now living with some of my mom’s friends. on the bright side, miso is a lot freer and gets to explore the house as he pleases, but on the downside money is tight and my mom is trying her best to find a place to live while working two jobs and trying to help pay for my tuition. long story short, i want some kind of professional help badly, but all the bullshit that’s been happening in my life makes that difficult.

anyway, i understand that i’ve worried a lot of people through all of this, and i’m sorry. i truly, genuinely am sorry for everything that’s been going on. i blame a lot of it on myself not being strong enough. if i were stronger, i wouldn’t care about some stupid internet trolls, or some random grown man in florida stalking all my social media. if i were stronger, i could take my life back. i wouldn’t feel the need to constantly contemplate suicide, or to torture my own body by starving because of my physical form feeling like the only thing i have left to be in control of. if i had only been stronger, like my old stupidly foolish overconfident 16 year old self who got into fucking STEVEN UNIVERSE DISCOURSE of all things, maybe i wouldn’t care. even when it first happened to me, after the initial shock and hiatus, i was pretty much back to normal almost instantly. but this kind of trauma is sneaky and will gradually eat away at you more and more while you pretend to be ok, and then eventually you reach a breaking point and it’s taken over your life. that’s why i’m still obsessing over that day two years later. that’s why i can’t be left alone on december 13th this year, or else i know for a fact i will harm myself in some way. (don’t worry about that though, burger is going to hang out with me that day and i’ll be fine.) still, even though i keep telling myself my past self was stronger, i do know that she really wasn’t. she was still struggling with depression, anxiety, and self harm issues. maybe it just manifested differently for a while. maybe she felt unstoppable at some point in time because she finally found a girlfriend and got a cat. i got into so many fights that weren’t worth my time or energy at all, and part of me wishes i could be that confident again, but i also know that was my downfall to begin with.

i have followers who haven’t been around for longer than a year or maybe less than two, so i might as well give everyone a true, thorough rundown of what happened leading up to that day, the day of, and after.

i’m sure a lot of you who are worried about me at the moment have seen the recent callout for colboh and his involvement in what happened. i’ll be honest--i don’t know the full extent of his involvement, and i want to believe his foolishness ends at not leaving artists who have blocked him alone and uploading their shit to booru sites when they explicitly state not to. so let’s just start there. i honestly don’t remember if it was before or after i first blocked him, but he uploaded one of my NSFW drawings to danbooru when i first shared my NSFW blog. (PROTIP: if you’re a minor, don’t share your NSFW art with anyone. don’t care if you’re 17, i was about to turn 17 myself. it will bite you in the ass. as such, some of this is my fault.) i quickly contacted danbooru asking them to delete it, and they did--but that artwork subsequently ended up on gelbooru as well, and i was unsuccessful in my efforts to remove my art from there.

fast forward to december 13th, 2016. it was a normal morning. i was getting ready for school, but also being dumb and lazing around in bed browsing tumblr. i saw a post from a blog that shares Funny 4chan Screencaps. my art was in it. the art was of a very muscular yuugi, a drawing i was proud of, especially in how much gay energy i thought it radiated--but this drawing was being used in one of those typical “here’s a touhou, i wanna fuck her! am i right guys? let’s talk about how badly we want to fuck her” threads. seeing my art used for this was appalling. my first mistake was reblogging the post and saying how it was wrong, and how my art shouldn’t ever be used for such a purpose. my second mistake was making a text post AND tweets expressing my disgust at the situation, thinking no one who frequented /jp/ would ever see, sure that it would be a big waste of their time to concern themselves with some random dumb “”sjw”” artist. i also probably shouldn’t have specifically called them “gross neckbeards,” in doing so i absolutely struck a nerve with basement dwellers everywhere. i got to school and during my second period class, suddenly felt a strange urge to look at /jp/. why i did that, i still don’t really know. maybe i was expecting hate. maybe i was trying to see if they used my art for something gross again. i don’t know. either way, that moment changed everything forever. i saw the screencap of my tweets posted for everyone in their circlejerk to see. even worse--i looked in the thread, and someone had also posted the NSFW art colboh had uploaded to danbooru, mocking it and calling me a hypocrite for drawing two girls having sex while also saying i don’t like my art being used for those kinds of threads. this is what truly ignited the amount of hate i saw directed towards me in the threads. i got called a bitch, a drama whore, got told to kill myself, and in one reply etched into my mind forever, someone said something along the lines of “we should all call her local gang and have them rape her, she just needs a good dicking.” there were multiple threads, too; i don’t know how many, but there was another one about me after the first one was deleted, in which someone edited a typical fat balding NTR hentai doujin style man into art i made of kagerou nosebleeding at wakasagihime. more disparaging comments were made. in both threads, people expressed their hatred and dislike of my art, some calling it garbage, some just saying it’s “bad,” etc. some people said the threads were unnecessary and rude, but they were a kind few in a cesspool of violence.

i don’t know who started these threads. i can’t assume anything about anyone, but whoever did this was definitely looking through all my social media out of bitterness and hatred, or perhaps even following me on both my tumblr and twitter considering the timing of the threads immediately after i complained. it eats at me that i most likely will never know who did this to me. i’ll never know who hated me so much that they decided to completely destroy my self esteem. if whoever it is who did all of this is reading this and feels any ounce of remorse, i’m begging them to reveal themselves and why they did it, but i know the chances of that happening are incredibly slim. someone, i can’t remember who, maybe it was queenly, told me they hope someday i reach a point where i don’t have to worry about that because i won’t care in general, but i still don’t know if i’ll ever reach a point where i stop caring about all of this.

like i mentioned earlier, after this all first happened, i was destroyed. the next day, my school’s GSA happened to have a vote for whose art would be on the club t-shirts, mine or someone else’s. mine lost. i broke down completely--anywhere i went, i wasn’t good enough, not for anyone. for days, there was a constant feeling of horror and fear in my chest, something i’ve only ever felt so intensely when one of these threads resurfaces or i suddenly relive my trauma due to other things triggering me. i took a hiatus that lasted a few weeks, i believe i came back sometime before the new year. i thought i was ok, and i pretended like i could go back to being myself. but as time went on, and i continued living with the weight of that day on my back, i became weaker and weaker. i stopped drawing as frequently as i used to. my final year of high school started and i ended up falling into such a deep depression that i constantly skipped school and eventually attempted suicide in november 2017. the suicide note i wrote cites that day as being one of the main things leading me to my decision, telling whoever did this to me that i hoped in my passing they’d have to live knowing what they did to me. my attempt only failed because i swore to take every pill left in the bottle and there were only four pills. had it been full, i’m not really sure what would have happened. i was sent to a mental institute afterwards for a week. being there was the absolute definition of hell. i was alone. i cried myself to sleep every night. they claimed to be a place where people were improved and got help, but i did not get any help at all. they basically imprisoned me for trying to kill myself. when i got out, i was only glad to be alive because i just wanted to be able to talk to my friends, my family, and my girlfriend again. it still shocks me that i was able to graduate from high school considering how much school i skipped before and after my suicide attempt.

sometime before that school year ended, i became extremely upset one afternoon and decided to run away from home. i had what happened to me and what was said about me that day running through my head. i tweeted that i hoped maybe in running away i’d end up being raped like they wanted, like how i deserved. someone who i considered a friend replied to this with, “fuck you.” after all of this was taken care of and i was safe at home, i responded that i was sorry, that i wasn’t thinking right when i made the tweet. she responded that i was, and blocked me. i tried to explain that i said what i did because of the threads about me on /jp/ and the one response threatening rape, but this was disregarded and, seemingly, ignored. a few days later, the former friend in question started sending me anon hate on tumblr, asking me why i want attention so badly, accusing me of making light of actual rape victims by saying such a thing. i explained myself, but to no avail. i blocked her on tumblr, and left it at that. but then, at the end of the school year, when i was proud of myself for finally getting through high school without killing myself or failing or anything, i stumbled upon the second thread. the date the thread was created lined up exactly with the time between me running away from home and me receiving anon hate. she can try to act like she didn’t make the thread all she wants, but i’m not an idiot. the replies were also eerily similar--people in the replies remembered me, a year and a half after the original thread. some replies mentioned me having attempted suicide months before. some mentioned my NSFW art again. i had a massive breakdown and nearly drowned myself in the pond down the road. it was a wet, rainy night, and i sat on a bench by the pond sobbing loudly, trying to find some way to want to keep living. but i couldn’t. i might have gone through with it if it hadn’t been for burger coming and talking to me and giving me a ride home.

entering college, i thought things would be easier. in a way, they are. i have more freedom with classes. this semester, i attended almost all of my classes, almost every day, just with the exception of me being sick some days and me accidentally oversleeping once, and then one day when i just didn’t feel like it. but things continued to get worse for me--i developed an eating disorder for many reasons, one being the time i spent a year prior depressed caused me to gain a significant amount of weight, and the other being i had sworn off self harm in the form of cutting. i found that i was able to get the same gratification from starving myself. at one point, it turned into a game of sorts, where i tried to see how long i could go without eating anything. my record was a little over 72 hours. being constantly hungry or in pain this way felt like something i deserved in a way, but also something to distract me from the pain of realizing i was losing my love for art. i was in denial about it for months. i tried to keep drawing, but everything i drew upset me, saddened me, and even angered me. i looked at anything i made and only felt disgust. it was the one thing i used to love doing more than anything, and now i only felt shame.

in november, i acknowledged this and decided to quit for good. recently, i discovered colboh had uploaded more of my NSFW art to gelbooru, even though i specifically stated on my blog to never upload my NSFW art to image sharing sites, specifically right after he uploaded my art the first time. by the time i found this, i had already sworn off art for good, but looking at the comments on my art on gelbooru (and rule 34--i guess they’re connected upload-wise like danbooru?) filled me with so much sadness and shame, not because they criticized my art, but because they said horrible things about my depiction of kagerou. for those who don’t know, i headcanon kagerou as a trans woman, and one thing i do not regret about my time as an artist is how that depiction has helped numerous trans women feel good about themselves and their bodies. seeing so many disgusting comments deliberately misgendering her and making other transphobic remarks hurt me on a completely new level. my trans friends have been such a source of strength for me through all of this and seeing that made me feel disgusted, especially with myself. i felt like i had failed them. i had made so many trans women happy, only to see a man i blocked two years ago had uploaded my art to porn sites, tagging it with dehumanizing words like “f*ta” that i specifically tell people never to refer to my art with, displaying that art for the exact same crowds of people that ruined everything december 13th 2016 to continue to pick apart. one comment even told me to kill myself, effectively bringing back every memory of that day.

speaking of that, another thing i want to touch on now that i’m up to speed with the details of everything that’s happened related to the original threads two years ago, is kagerou. i’m positive you all know that i really love kagerou imaizumi, and that she’s my favorite touhou character. it’s embarrassing to say, but she’s brought me so much comfort through all of this. sometimes if i’m sad, i’ll imagine her giving me a big hug, or i’ll look at cute pictures i have saved of her, or something along those lines. it’s pretty cringy for a fictional character to make me happy, i know, but i’ve grown so attached to her and she really means a lot to me. and another thing that made me want to swear off art is because she’s loved by so many others that i don’t think my depictions of her do her any good. i’m constantly compared to other artists, and it’s never good. even in the threads, i’m told i should be more like those other artists and these things wouldn’t happen to me. i am not allowed to love kagerou imaizumi. i draw her as a hairy trans lesbian, and that disgusts people. hell, the fact that i draw lesbians in general disgusts people, which sure fucking sucks because i constantly hate myself for not being attracted to men and being able to draw happy lesbians made me feel better about myself. but i’ve ruined kagerou for so many people, especially with my stupid kagewaka bullshit. maybe that’s why those artists unfollowed me. maybe it’s a combination of that and my constant breakdowns becoming far too annoying. i think all the popular artists who used to like me and then unfollowed/softblocked me are really glad to see that i’ve given up. and that’s something else that saddens me too--even as an artist, in my own community of touhou artists, i often feel like i’m lesser, and that i don’t belong. maybe it’s because i’m so foolishly outspoken about my opinions that they dislike me. maybe it’s because i’m a woman, and a lesbian at that. i don’t really know why they hate me so much. i wish i could belong somewhere.

and i think that’s what it all boils down to in the end. i’ve lost all sense of belonging. when i was 14 and people started noticing my art for the first time, i finally felt like i had something. like i belonged somewhere. after being bullied through middle school and having to deal with abusive friends and an abusive dad, it meant the world to me that i finally had something. but it didn’t last long at all. it all came crashing down, not just because of others, but because of me. i was the one who was cocky, getting into fights that weren’t worth it. i was the one who provoked people and made them hate me. i was the one who complained about /jp/ posting my art in their threads. i know people want to believe that i’m a saint, but i’m not. i have myself to blame too. i at least want everyone to understand this, above all else. there was so much i could have done differently to prevent this all from happening, but i didn’t. i was stupid and naive. i was a massive fucking idiot, and now look where i am. i lost everything. i thought i had friends, i lost them. i thought i loved art, i lost that. i thought other really talented nice people liked me, i even lost that. all i have now is an empty shell of my former self. i don’t know what to do with it. i don’t know how i’m going to rebuild myself. it’s so painful to have to keep living like this. i don’t know if there’s any fixing me at this point. i’ve lost so much, i feel permanently broken.

but despite all of that, despite everything i’ve been through, i still receive so much love and support from my followers and friends and it means so much to me. it means the world to me and has kept me going through all of this. knowing that people care about me and want to see me get better and improve makes me want to try to fix myself even if i am broken beyond repair. i just want to thank you all for being that source of strength for me. these past few years have been so hard for me and time and time again i still get love and encouragement from so many people. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. there is nothing more precious to me than those moments when i feel like i do truly belong, when i feel loved, when i feel like i’m not alone after all. for those moments, i’ll keep trying. even if these threads keep continuing and breaking me further, i’ll keep trying. even if every last artist in this fandom comes to hate me and my shitty art, i’ll keep trying. it’s still painful to draw right now and i have a long way to go before i can share art with anyone again, but for you all, i’m going to keep trying my best. at the end of the day, i know everyone’s encouragement and love is worth far more than hate threads urging me to kill myself.

i’m sorry how long and personal and unnecessary this is, but i felt like i had to set things straight. if you read all of this, i applaud you. if you just kinda skimmed through to read the last paragraph, i also appreciate it. again, thank you.

#glub glub #suicide //#self harm //#disordered eating //#rape //

94 notes · View notes