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laindtt · 4 months

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Ask Meme

Was tagged by the lovely @lulu2992 for quite a challenging ask meme: spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse/OC/pairings, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL! Thank you so much ♥ As I haven't properly introduced my OCs yet, I chose 3 songs for the Seed family and one for each of its members ; some of them are quite oddly specific so I added some details, but I hope you'll enjoy the medley :) I also added the parts of the lyrics that motivate my choice under the cut.

Tagging, if you're interested in giving a try: @purplehairsecretlair @teamhawkeye @redreart @sweeetestcurse @galeofwaterdeeps @miasmat @josephslittledeputy

TW: strong language, violence, self-harm

L - Live like legends, Ruelle (the Seed family)

When it rains, it pours There will be blood in the water Cold to the core Faith falls hard on our shoulders This is our time No turning back We could live, we could live like legends This is our time No turning back We could live, we could live like legends

A - A million voices, Polina Gagarina (the Seed family)

We are the world's people Different yet we're the same We believe, we believe in a dream Praying for peace and healing I hope we can start again We believe, we believe in a dream So if you ever feel love is fading Together like the stars in the sky We can sing, we can shine When you hear our voices call You won't be lonely anymore

I - If rain is what you want, Slipknot (the Seed family, to the Deputy)

It's been years since anyone could be a friend It's the fear that kills the feeling in the end Can we face it? Can we shape it? Can we really die? If rain is what you want, all you have to do is close your eyes Just close your eyes I am watching resurrection start to crawl Is there any chance in hell? Any chance at all? Do we need it? Do we see it? Is it really there? If rain is what you want, then take your seats, enjoy the fall Enjoy the fall The only thing deeper than my last breath The only thing darker than my last death Is the panic, the static, I've come back from the dead But my cities will never sleep again

N - Nightmare, Halsey (John)

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep If I shall die before I 'wake I pray the Lord my soul to take I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind They talk shit, but I love it every time And I realize I've tasted blood and it is sweet I've had the rug pulled beneath my feet I've trusted lies and trusted men Broke down and put myself back together again Stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters Collected the pieces and picked out a dagger I've pinched my skin in between my two fingers And wished I could cut some parts off with some scissors (…) 'Cause kindness is weakness, or worse, you're complacent I could play nice or I could be a bully I'm tired and angry, but somebody should be (…) Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware But I'd rather be a real nightmare than die unaware, yeah Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware But I'm glad to be a real nightmare, so save me your prayers

D - Down with the sickness, Disturbed (Jacob, to the Seed brother's biological parents)

Looking at my own reflection When suddenly it changes Violently it changes (oh no) There is no turning back now You've woken up the demon in me Get up, come on get down with the sickness Get up, come on get down with the sickness Get up, come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate, and let it flow into me Get up, come on get down with the sickness You mother get up come on get down with the sickness You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness Madness is the gift, that has been given to me I can see inside you, the sickness is rising Don't try to deny what you feel (Will you give in to me?) It seems that all that was good has died And is decaying in me (Will you give in to me?) It seems you're having some trouble In dealing with these changes Living with these changes (oh no) The world is a scary place Now that you've woken up the demon in me

T - The darkest star, Depeche Mode (Faith)

Oh you sad one Playing the Angel Isn't so easy where you're from Oh you wild one Devil's companion You won't stay satisfied for long I don't want you to change anything you do I don't want you to be someone else for me Oh you dark one Eternal outsider Caught in the spider's web you've spun Oh you blind one Gentle and kind one Seeing the world as a loaded gun I don't want you to change anything you do I don't want you to be someone else for me Stay as you are, the Darkest Star Shining for me majestically

T - The beaten side of town, Barry Adamson (Joseph)

I woke up this morning from a crazy dream: The Earth was a turning ball of fire Satan and the Pilgrims had wiped the scene And I became their twisted gun for hire Don't let 'em getcha, boy, now use your head The lights they're coming 'round again "Run like a demon, boy," is what they said And then began to count from one to ten So now I'm tryin' to get out of the city You know where I can be found: The beaten side of town… Won't never let you down

#Personal

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backwards-readings · 7 months

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The Door that was Never Supposed to be Opened.

Chapter 4: A Bird in a Cage

{Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3}

{A/N: This was originally posted on AO3, if you would like to read it there you can find it HERE. I'm going to be straight up with you and tell you that this is pretty much a self-indulgent self-insert fic. I'm not gonna lie. If you don't like that, that's cool, have a good day. But if you're DTF with it, let's get right into the story.}

{Art Credit: this lovely artist

++TW: There are depictions of Suicide. Please, if it is a sensitive topic for you, skip this chapter. I'll add notes on the next chapter a quick summary of what happened without going into detail. I want you to be safe more than I want you to read my writing. If you're struggling with thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out to someone you trust. If you're in the US, you can call 988 to talk with someone, or text HOME to 741741. There's help. There's hope. Be safe, please.++

The next few days I am consumed by anger. I scribble more sketches in my book, but the strokes are dark, and in places the lead of my pencil rips the paper. I tear the pieces of the ruined paper out of the book in strips, balling each strip up and throwing it into the unlit fireplace. I sit on the floor for a bit, staring at the torn pieces of paper sitting in the soot. Tears begin to form in my eyes and I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them. All this just because I wanted to help someone. I pick the journal back up and begin drawing again, this time taking time to carefully sketch out the face of the man in the basement.

My tears stain the page around the drawing as his face takes shape. I stop when I get to the hair and set down the journal, leaving the drawing unfinished. His face already haunts me, the hopeless look follows me when I close my eyes. The hopeless look that I’ll soon have as well. I stay sitting on the floor, numbness creeping across my body. A numbness that starts in my hands starts spreading across my body, taking hold of me. A tightness creeps into my chest and something tells me it’s here to stay for a while.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

The next few days I don’t even bother getting out of bed unless it’s to use the bathroom. What’s the point of putting in an effort to eat and drink water if you’re just going to be stuck in the same room for possibly the rest of your life? Ms Downard comes in a few times and clicks her tongue at the untouched food, taking it away and replacing it with fresh food, but she never says anything to me.

The first two days my stomach grumbles, and on the third day my stomach feels like it’s tying itself in knots, but I don’t care. Better to starve to death than to live out my years in this god-forsaken place. After five days of staying in bed and not eating, Ms Downard finally addresses me.

“Honestly, you think a hunger strike is going to do anything for you? Eat, don’t eat, Master Burgess doesn’t care. It would just be one less thing for him to worry about. One less thing for me to worry about, too. Lord knows I don’t have to bring you fresh food every day. I’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart, not asking for anything in return.” She lectures me but I don’t respond. If this is her idea of kindness then I don’t want it.

“Nothing?” She huffs “Fine. I don’t care. Have fun sulking in bed until you wither away into nothing. I don’t care.” She leaves a tray of food on the table and leaves, the click of the lock a bitter reminder. That night I take a few bites of the bread that she left, but I throw it up as soon as I get it down. I crawl back into bed and cover myself with the blankets, a chill clinging to my bones that I just can't shake.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I’m so tired but can’t sleep. I try again and again to eat, but only a few bites make me sick to my stomach, no matter what it is. I drink the water left for me but it doesn’t seem to stay my thirst. I run a bath and sink into the water, the sting of the cold water doing nothing to wake me up. I wash up slowly, letting my hands and feet get wrinkly in the water. After my bath I sit wrapped in a towel on the bed, not waiting to put on the dirty clothes I’ve been in since getting imprisoned. I’m clean, but I don’t feel like it. My chest is still tight and my skin crawls with invisible dirt and bugs. I try to eat a bit of bread again and this time it stays down, feeling like lead in my stomach.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

The next morning, there are clean clothes laid out for me on the table next to my tray of food. It’s a servant's uniform just like my old clothes were. They’re ill-fitting, probably left over from one of the girls who left. The sleeves cover my hands, and I trip over the skirt. There’s no apron to put over the plain dress, but I don’t think I would put it on if there was. I have no need for one as a prisoner. I sit down at the table and eat a few bites of cured meat that sits on the tray, the salty flavour causing me to nearly gag. I eat a little of the bread, hoping that it will calm my stomach, and sit on the bed with my journal and draw.

Once again, my drawings turn from inanimate objects to him. No matter what I do, I can’t get him out of my head. I hate him for it. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t even be locked up. But instead of minding my own, I had to try and become his saviour. I scribble him over and over again, his features flooding my mind. As I create him over and over again, anger begins to bubble. He haunted me when I was free, and now that I am captive he is all I can think about.

He may not have actually been a devil, but he tricked me just the same. If he is such a powerful being, why didn’t he warn me this would happen? Why didn’t he tell me? He let me try to help him when he probably knew the outcome. That bastard might have even wanted this, envious of my freedom. I get up and throw my book across the room, sick of drawing. Sick of everything turning back into him. It hits the wall and falls with a loud thunk, but does nothing but make me more angry. I begin to see red and next throw the tray of food that has been given to me, and then push the vanity in the room to its side and let out a yell filled with anger.

I stand there, seething for a moment before my seething hot anger is replaced with ice-cold sorrow. Tears fall from my eyes faster than I can wipe them away and I sink to the floor, unable to stop the convulsions of cries. I curl up on myself, my sabs raking through my body like waves crashing into rocks. I don’t know how long I lay there for, but eventually my ragged breaths even out and I lay on the floor in silence. My eyes wander around the room, taking in the destruction of my fit, and they fall on the broken mirror of the vanity, shards of the silver-backed glass strewn across the floor.

I drag myself towards the broken glass, grabbing a shard that fits perfectly into my hand- as if it was meant to be. My head throbs with every heartbeat as I palm the glass, feeling the sharp edges. They may have taken away my freedom, but I am not helpless. I don’t want to live caged like an animal. I can’t. I won’t. I hold the shard in my hand, shaking as I sit up and press the jagged edge into my wrist, a hiss of pain coming from my lips as it bites into my skin. Tears well in my eyes again as I watch a stream of blood trickle down my arm, landing in my lap. I dig deeper, pain clouding my vision before I remove the shard and move it to my other arm, my hands shaking more and more. I repeat the process, digging into my flesh until I have to bite back a scream. I remove the makeshift blade and drop it in my lap, holding my bloody arms out in front of me. My eyes begin to feel heavy, and I lay down, not caring about the shards of glass on the carpet that dig into my skin.

Despite the pain, a small smile graces my lips as I lay there. My eyes land on the book I had been drawing in it, the pained stare of my drawing subject meeting my eyes. I don’t remember drawing him looking like he was pitying me, but then again, I had drawn him so many times, that I probably just forgot. I close my eyes, ready to let the darkness take me, to embrace death like an old friend, but instead, I hear a voice. Soft and comforting, like a warm breeze on a summer evening.

“Oh, you poor little thing.” The voice says, and I use what little strength I have left to open my eyes. A woman kneels in front of me and gently brushes a bit of my hair from my face. The woman has dark skin, and her beautiful curly hair hangs around her face. Her eyes are soft and kind, like she knows every hardship you’ve ever been through, but wouldn’t dare judge you for them. She smiles at me kindly, and I blink slowly, trying to figure out if my loss of blood is causing me to hallucinate.

“I’m so sorry for what they’ve done to you.” She says, cupping my cheek with one hand as she brings her other hand down to my arm, gripping my wrist. But I don’t feel any pain. Instead, it feels like warm water is being poured over my wrist, and I feel a bit stronger, but nauseous.

“I did this…” I say, my voice cracking as hot tears roll down my face.

“No, dear. You are not at fault for your death. You saw the only possible way out and you took it.” She says, moving her hand to my other wrist. I feel the same feeling of water running down my arm and I gag, rolling a bit more onto my side as I dry heave.

“I know, I know. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” The woman says, gently stroking my back. “You fought a battle that was stacked against you from the start, and you should be proud of how long you held up against it.” She says softly, gently pulling me upright.

“But I’m not ready to take you yet, Patricia Everly.”

#the sandman #morpheus #dream of the endless #self insert #fanfic #slow burn #eventual smut #eventual romance #ao3 #ao3 link

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overgrownmoon · 9 months

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vent post

i’m not allowed to be angry.

how dare i complain. how dare i argue and bicker. how could i act so childish and irresponsible, pull yourself together and act right. dont cuss, don’t hit, don’t yell; stay good. be good. i have better things to worry about. your little brother is throwing a tantrum, i don’t need you throwing one too. you’re the eldest, you don’t need to be crying. behave. act right and don’t make a scene.

don’t be so down on the state of the world. don’t let it get to you. don’t focus on politics. don’t talk about things that upset you. focus on school, you don’t have time for that anger. you have no where to put it and nothing to do with it. you have everything you need, why are you complaining? why aren’t you happy yet? everything is gonna be ok, don’t be sad. don’t be upset.

nononono. no. no. i want to be angry. i want to scream and stomp and yell and cry and hit because i am so. angry at the world and all the horrible people in it and the horrible rules of society we came up with and everything that we do to eachother and the planet and i’m so so angry that i can’t do anything about it. i’m significant. i’m not a rich oil baron that can lobby the government, i j not an elected official, im not an influencer or speaker. i have no power. for every straw that i deny and plastic cup i recycle millions more are manufactured and dumped into the oceans. for every bill i oppose politicians sche on how to add more, do more, get wicked things to pass.

i’m tired and stressed and angry. i want to do something but i have no time, money, or energy to do it.

do i make an impact? do i matter? am i more than a cog in a machine, a number on a document? can i ever be more than a depressed white middle class asshole with a broken brain? who complains day in and day out how fucking depressed they are, oh how bo-hoo sad my life is oh ducking shut up asshole. i don’t know the meaning of suffering. oh lord your parents got divorced we get it and you lived in a nice house with toys and food and a good school and loving family and ooooohhh how hard your life must have been. how much you must have suffered while you went out with friends and had a good dad and a nice computer and good grades in school. what the fuck do i have to be upset about? ducking nothing i’m just a piece of shit loser with such a broken and failed fucking brain that i somehow convinced myself that i’m not a shitty awful person!

what point is there. nothing fucking matters. at the end of the day the fuckers in charge will get what they want while us plebeians get to wallow and suffer for our wages. we’ll beg and grovel at their feet for a luveable planet, drinkable water, a home to live in. so list and fucking doomed we are. i don’t want to participate in society. i do t want to do any of this. i didn’t want to be born. i wish i was never born. i don’t want to be here i don’t want to do any of this it all sucks and unfair and no one ever ducking asked me if i wanted to be here! i am forced into this goddamned nonsense world where profits are more important that morals and i’m sick of it! but the only other option is death and that’s looking like a pretty good option compared to what the fuck is gonna happen to us in the future!

fuck this. fuck everything. fuck your “have hopes” and “look at the bright sides” and whatever the fucking fuck. they won’t change the damn bed facts right in front of us. they won’t stop this fucking garbage fire from burning. i want to be angry. i want to so angry i can cave in concrete and shatter glass. i want to snarl and rip and tear and kill and maim and destroy eveything around me and then finally rip into my own chest and rip out my own heart so i never have to have it hurt from watching everything fucking collapse around me.

privileged fucking asshole. at a good college, don’t have to work, living with my parents. i still have the absolute audacity to be so bitchy and ungrateful. of fucking course. i fucking hate myself

#doomposting

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inamindfarfaraway · 1 year

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I've said this before and so have others, but I've seen a few more incomplete 'Batboys' fanart pieces lately, so it bears repeating:

Batboys/Batbrothers includes Duke Thomas.

Robins includes Stephanie Brown.

Bruce Wayne's children includes Cassandra Cain and Duke Thomas. Cass has been officially adopted since before Jason was a crime lord, so there is absolutely no excuse for including Red Hood Jason and not her. Duke is usually fostered by Bruce in canon and definitely not adopted, nor should he ever be because he has living good parents who he'll never give up on curing. However, he is definitely a son figure to Bruce and a brother figure to his other children. Steph is not legally attached to Bruce in any way.

If you want to make a fanwork and leave out Duke and/or Steph and/or Cass, that's fine. Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian have their own unique group dynamic that's fun and worth exploring. But don't label the piece as the Batboys or Robins or Bruce's kids without specifying that not all of them are present, because I am sick and tired of these worthy Batfamily members being forgotten.

#duke is relatively new yes but not that new anymore #and the girls are really well-established #steph has been an independent vigilante and robin and batgirl in her own whole batgirl run that new 52 tragically cut short #cass as i said is an older character than red hood jason and has also been batgirl with a much longer run than steph #duke has the we are robin run and rounds out the batfamily as the signal as the only daytime hero and meta #all of them have histories development relationships in and out of the batfam and so much potential #and so help me this fandom will give them the respect and attention they are DUE

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anonymousmuslimah · 2 years

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Day 1:

Day 1: Ya Allah...I am not worthy of you. I certainly do not deserve your love, care, forgiveness, mercy. Not even do I deserve your blessings, Ya Allah. I am not sane, ya Allah. I never have been sane. I tried my very best to live in my reality;my own life and have a life, a REAL life.. but its always failing. Everything fails and I know it's your test for me. I know everything. I just want to disappear from myself, this body, and this life Ya Allah. Who would even love a soul like me, Ya Rabb? A soul that is broken? An insane soul? A big sinner? A person who talks to themselves? Ya Allah I am going insane day by day and before I do something more insane, I want to LEAVE. Ya Allah I want to leave I want to disappear. I don't want to be here. I disappoint you each time Ya Allah. You have helped me too much Ya Allah I don't want to leave my burden to you any longer. I am tired Ya Rabb.. tired. Too tired. I need to go, I need to go out of this world. It is okay if I will be put in Jahannam and taste the hellfire, and all of your punishment because I left this worldly life. it's okay if the angel of death will take my soul away angrily, violently without mercy. I accept it Ya Rabb. I accept your punishment, for I do not deserve anything good from you, from any of your creations. I am nothing ya Allah.

Ya Allah I am lonely. I am lonely Ya Allah. I have family but I am still lonely. I feel like I want to run back to you each time i become insane, but I can't! Because I don't deserve you, so do you! I don't deserve a merciful, bountiful, perfect, unique Lord like you Ya Rabb. And you don't deserve a servant like me! A servant whom is crazy in the head, in the soul, in the heart. A servant who will never impress you. A servant who will always be unworthy and useless.

What will my family say.. they would not like to know that I am crazy. Sick in the head, Ya Allah. What will you think? If I kill myself by jumping down from the window of my room? O Allah I have everything planned. I don't need help from people. I want you. I need you. But I can't get my feet up to get to you. I can't convince this soul and this heart to go back to you like it used to. I miss all the times I had with you; talking heart to heart, prostrating to you, holding your holy book of Quran and reciting it with an honest and full heart.. Wallahi.. I miss appreciating you and making Dua to you and going closer to you each day.

But those days have ended Ya Rabb. I am dying each day. A piece of me is dying each day. And no one is behind the reason. It is me. I am at the edge of a cliff, don't know where else to go except dying and leaving this world; a one way trip to Jahannam indeed. I know you would not like it. And when the day that I am ready to jump. I will dress in my favourite abaya and jilbab. I will hold the hand of my imaginary self that I always talk to, and bring her with me. I will die of a painful death as my body hit the ground of my apartment 15th floor apartment. I know you will disown me. Put me in Jahannam, send the angel of death to violently take my soul and leave no mercy. And I will never taste Jannah to meet you, Ya Rabb and our beloved Prophet Muhammad in Jannah. I will never get reunited with my dead loved ones in Jannah. All of them died a peaceful death. And they will wonder why am I not with them in Paradise? And you (Allah) will say of whatever that I did that made you grant me Jahannam which is my resting place.

Ya Allah. Forgive me. And trust me that I love you with all my heart but I cannot. I don't know if I will ever be back in your arms, be back as the servant that you loved. I don't know, too if I will ever pull this decision away and run to you. But if I did, I would be proud of myself.

#islam

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shadowofwar-goober · 2 years

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Conversations Between Clan Members 2

Warnings for mentions of past trauma and unhealthy behaviors and poor self esteem

“I’ve always been a fuck up.” His grandfather said it like it was a fact. His grandfather, who helped fuel the rebellion against the Dark Lord, who is the most famous poet in all of Mordor, said he was a fuck up. A fuck up…

“I’m a fuck up with fool’s luck, I guess, heh…” Tired…

Takra rests his temple on top of Feldûsh’s head. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he didn’t say anything. Only placed his hand on top of his grandfather’s and squeezed.

“Hûra really does bring the best out of everyone around him. You know? He- Before, I… Heh- I was nothing but a selfish, pathetic, piece of shit that only cared about himself. Maybe… I still am-“

“You’re not.” Feldûsh couldn’t stand to hear it anymore. Takra laughs. Not bitter or malicious, but soft. Genuine.

“Yes I am, child. I am. I’m not very responsible, am I?” Feldûsh trips on his own tongue. N-No… but- Neither is he…

“I- …” He falters. His face falls. Everything falls.

“…did you know I was sold to the Marauders when I was a pup?” Feldûsh nods. Anxiety pools in his gut.

“Ha… Yeah… I guess it’s good they did, in the end. Would’ve died in fucking nowhere, Udûn, if they didn’t. Died young.” Takra trails off. Thinking. Remembering.

“…they made us do some fucked up shit to survive.”

Feldûsh only ever caught bits and pieces of his elders’ lives before Sauron’s fall. Slaves- He’s seen. Heard. He…

“It was all about money for the Marauders. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t have it all bad. I just didn’t. It- it was…” He hesitated. The silence was tense.

“It was still fucked up. I think I can accept that. I think…” Takra whispered the last words.

Feldûsh’s heart jumped into his throat. “W-Wh-“ He stopped himself. Takra answered anyways.

“They made the money threshold too high. You know? Just- …too damn high…” He turned his head so Feldûsh couldn’t see his face.

“Couldn’t make enough money to stay. Couldn’t do… normal things. Work wasn’t enough. Not enough jobs, not enough hours in the day or night.”

Then-?

“You know where this is going, right?” Please don’t make me say it outright. Feldûsh… feeling sick, he thought he knew. But-

“I- I-“

Takra sighed and sat upright, pulling his grandson closer so he was laying across his lap. His fingers twitched and his palms sweated.

“We had to prostitute ourselves to meet demands.”

He wasn’t sure if he heard right. Blood pounded in Feldûsh’s ears and he felt… he felt faint.

“I- you- What?” He looked up, but his grandfather wouldn’t meet his eye.

“A lot of us did what he had to to stay in the company. Being good at our ‘normal’ jobs wasn’t enough. Heh- No, it was always about money, in the end…”

He was silent. He- He knew what happened to his other grandfather. And-

“I didn’t mind it after a while though.”

Feldûsh balked. “What?!” He couldn’t stop himself. Takra laughed, but it wasn’t genuine this time. Nervous.

“Yeah, when it comes to hardship in life, you either learn to like what’s happening, or you hate it enough that you have the strength to do something about it.”

Takra coughed. Fake.

“I didn’t get that strength on my own. I was content with being… that. With drowning in drink and with others… in misery and hate and pseudo love…” He closed his eyes.

“Hûra had that strength. He got away from his misery. He did it with his own hands. His own will. Me? No, not me. Even with him, it took me…” Takra sighed, body sagging against the headboard.

“…too long. Maybe I haven’t even got there yet… Not completely.”

Feldûsh was quiet. It… cut to his core. Not there yet. Not there yet…? He couldn’t see his grandfather as weak. As a fuck up. No, he couldn’t. He, Feldûsh- he was a fuck up. He didn’t meet any of the expectations placed on him. He doesn’t measure up to his… prestigious family in the slightest. Yet…

“But how is that true? You’re- you are so important grandpa… You’re… you!” He really was a child again. Takra laughed. Genuine this time.

“I think you understand better than you care to realize. I wanna talk about the family. Your father, grandfather, uncle, sister.” Feldûsh held his breath.

He was scared of being compared to the rest of the clan. Not good enough… Eltoril is good enough. Everyone else? Backbones of the community. Of the country. How could he, a total fuck up, even be compared to them? He’ll allow it though. He respects his grandfather too much to be combative.

No matter how much he wishes to be…

@space-arsonist @sinick @elvenmoans

#Lotr #shadow of war #middle earth shadow of war #urukhai #my OCs #spacearsonist’s ocs #uruk clan #psst trauma #unhealthy coping mechanisms #denial #struggling to self accept #low self image #mature discussion

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megan-loves-surveys · 3 months

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#18.

What are three things that make you feel sick to your stomach? 🤮: Other people vomiting, pieces of onion in things (onion flavour is fine, I just don't like the texture of them) and rotten egg smell.

Have you ever had food poisoning? 🤢: Yup. It was from an egg sandwich at a bakery, I think the eggs weren't refrigerated properly. Every single person that ate at that place got sick that day. It eventually went out of business lol.

What is your favorite shade of green? 💚: I like all shades.

What are three items on your current to-do list? ✅: Go to the gym, buy a few things (shapewear mainly) and check in with my BFF.

What is one of your favorite Christmas carols? 🎄: I dunno about carols, but I loveeeeee Girls Aloud's Christmas EP. Their original songs, especially "Count The Days", are gorgeous.

What are three things that you would buy if you were rich? 🤑: I'd just travel constantly, and come home to NZ in the summer. I'd also get front row seats to every WWE and AEW event lol.

Do you own a Nerf gun? 🔫: No.

Have you ever been a member of a 4H club? 🍀: No idea what that even is, lol.

Have you ever been to Washington state? 🌲: I've been to the airport there when I was transferring between San Francisco and Chicago.

What is your favorite thing about the beach? 🌴: I'm not a big fan of the beach, but I do like when you go and the weather is glorious.

Are you afraid of snakes? 🐍: We don't have snakes in my country, so I don't really have any experience with them xD

Do you think frogs are ugly? 🐸: No, they can be cute!

Are you Irish? ☘️: Yep, my last name couldn't get any more Irish if it tried (it has an apostrophe in it xD).

Name three things that you find refreshing. 🌿: Cold water, nice fresh air and a nice shower.

What are three things you like about spring? 🍃: Winter is over, it's getting warmer and the trees are going green again.

Do you like guacamole? 🥑: Not really.

Do you have spring allergies? 🌱: Definitely.

Are you currently waiting for something? 🐢: A few things, yeah.

What are three things that don’t exist, that you think it would be cool if they did? 🦖: Flying, a way to make sure I always had enough money and cheaper travel :P

Are you a bookworm? 🐛: Used to be, but sadly not anymore.

What is your favorite type of tree? 🌳: I don't know what the names of trees are lol.

Do you have a green thumb? 🧤: No.

Have you ever had kiwi by itself, not paired with strawberry? 🥝: All the time, tho in my country, it's called kiwifruit xD

Have you ever had a coworker named Liz? 🦎: No.

What are three of your favorite things to put on salads? 🥗: Mayo and that balsamic dressing.

What is your favorite vegetable? 🥦: Potatoes. Obviously. Also corn and peas.

Have you ever cut cucumbers? 🥒: No?

Who was/were your favorite high school teachers? 🍏: Miss Haywood was cool, she was my IT teacher.

Have you had COVID? 🦠: I definitely did, in 2022. I was sick far longer than I usually am with a cold, and I felt shitty for weeks after - I was tired by the middle of the day and kept getting dizzy. I think I had it again last year too, but I never tested so I can never be sure.

What’s your favorite type of salad dressing? 🥬: Mayo.

How often do you take the trash out? 🚛 : We put our bins out once every 2 weeks, but more often if they get super full.

When was the last time you completed a jigsaw puzzle? 🧩: Good lord, I have no clue.

What are three things that appeal to you about New York City? 🗽: So many things to do, I love that busy city feel and great shopping.

Do you own a pair of Crocs, and if so, what color are they? 🐊: Hell no. And if I ever wear a pair, please kick my ass cos I've clearly lost my mind LOL.

What is your Chinese zodiac sign? 🐲: Rabbit.

What is your favorite game show to watch? ❎: Dunno.

Do you own any succulents? 🎍: No.

What was the last type of fruit you ate? 🍈: Kiwifruit.

About how much time do you spend online in a day? ✳️: Too many hours lol.

Do you prefer canoeing or kayaking? 🛶: Neither.

What is your least favorite shade of green? 🟩: All of them are cool.

Name three things you hate or dislike that are green. 🟢: Green onions, that weird chives stuff that's in everything... hmm.

What makes you shine? ❇️: Dunno.

Do you prefer books or movies? 📗: Books.

Are you more reserved or outspoken? 🈯️: I can be both.

Do you like olives? 🫒: No.

Do you like pears? 🍐: Not really, I don't like the gritty texture.

Do you own a notebook made out of recycled paper? ♻️:? Not that I know of.

Have you ever performed a trick with a yo-yo?🪀: Maybe as a kid, yo-yos were a fad for awhile.

Do you like peppers? 🫑: Not particularly.

What are three of your favorite insects (or insects that you think look cool)? 🪲: Butterflies, and that's about it.

What is your favorite zoo animal? 🦚: Anything cute.

Would you ever dye your hair green? 🧑‍🎤: Perhaps, I already do blue and purple, green is not that much of a stretch.

When was the last time you had a juicebox?🧃: As a kid?

What is the highest level of science class you have completed? 🧪: None, lol.

What are three things that appeal to you about Japanese culture? 💹: They have the best music, video games, wrestling and video game music <3

Would you own a pet dragon if you could? 🐉: No.

Are you a tea drinker? 🍵: Only the bubble tea you get at places haha.

Do you like mangoes? 🥭: Yes.

Are you able to keep a plant alive? 🪴: Never really tried.

And last but not least, did you enjoy this survey? : Sure.

What’s your hair texture?

Very fine and thin. I wish it was thicker.

Do you have a certain spot in your house you go to for comfort?

I guess my room.

Do you play games on your phone?

Yes.

When was the last time you took medication?

The other day.

Would you rather do without sweet or salty snacks?

Sweets, I can't live without salty stuff.

Would you say that you are introspective?

Sure.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others?

Yes.

Do you have any odd habits?

Depends what you consider odd.

Is acting something you’d enjoy? are you convincing?

I took Drama at school, but I don't think so.

When was the last time you couldn’t do something you had planned?

A couple of weeks ago when my friend got sick and had to cancel going to a wrestling show, he was my ride so I couldn't go either.

In what ways are you immature?

I love plushies haha <3

Does the weather impact your mood?

Oh yeah, shitty weather just ruins your mood.

Have you ever lost control of a car?

I don't drive.

Do you tend to be irrational or more realistic?

Realistic.

What was the last lie you told?

I told a white lie to a client at work the other day who was asking if their paper work had gone through, it hadn't, but I was tired of them calling to ask lol. So I said it had but the system was being slow so they'd shut up xD

What’s your thoughts on people having selfies as their phone backgrounds?

Who cares, it's their phone, they can do what they like. It doesn't affect you what their bg is like.

What is your phone background of?

On my lock screen, it's me with Five when I met them last week atm. On my main screen it's a photo of Mox xD

Have you ever purposely kept a library book?

No.

Are the Olympics something you get into?

Yes, about the only time I actually watch sports haha.

You’re given $500. what would you spend it on?

Wrestling merch and a few pairs of Converse!

Name something fun you do in your spare time.

Go to wrestling shows, I average 2 or 3 a month.

What did you get your first award for?

Something for English I'm sure.

How long do you spend online each day?

Too many hours.

Do you struggle with anxiety?

I can do.

Do you have anything close by that is soft and fluffy?

Not within reach, but I do have a super soft rug in my room xD

Does it bother you when people use all caps or all lower case letters?

Caps, yes. But when I message or type on Discord, I don't use capital letters at all so I can't complain about that xD The only time I use capital letters is when I'm on my phone and it automatically puts them.

Do you prefer lamps or overhead lights?

Both.

Chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla milkshake?

Chocolate or strawberry.

What’s something or someone you’ll always defend?

Jon Moxley. Always and forever.

Would you or have you ever dyed your hair blue?

Yep!

#survey #surveys #personal survey #random survey

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the-firebird69 · 5 months

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DUNE: PART TWO – Final Trailer (2024) Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya Movie |...

youtube

Yeah it's not me and he's a f****** b**** these people are all b****** these trumps. It's a horrible horrible thing this movie is going to suck it is me I'm probably not a good spot right there and when he says is how you said it so now I'm going to kill you

I can't f****** stand you people anymore. You're stupid I can't stand you I don't want you talking to my blog or whatever I don't want you people having to be post stuff you're always f****** wrong seeing this dumb s*** you should see what you say you should put it back to yourself it's so dumb you're going to attack your own people the pseudo empire attack the max you got some different sometimes attacking the max you dumb s**** I can't f****** stand you I'm struggling with huge forces in the foreigners against the Max and you want to walk in there these Audrey little w**** bag f****** big mouth loser retarded God damn dog s*** people and you're going to win the whole thing cuz you're magical and all this other horse manure that you demand that I believe cuz it doesn't work I am so sick of you you're such a f****** loser I'm forcing my meals out of you I'm forcing you to get me money empire is too cuz your goddamn losers

Zues Hera

We're tired of watching it we're tired of seeing it you feel a bunch of f****** hoes bags and pseudo empires you divide your people you are going to die you piece of s*** can't figure it out you're fighting everywhere to your own death and losing everything for us I can't stand you it's not his fault at all you're a bunch of pricks so don't listen to anything that I taught you the math this morning you don't know any of it and you don't care at all for that what we do we know what it is and you're f****** losers who walk and tread all over it and ruin yourself you know you do it with everything you go out there you run the motorcycle too fast you drive the car the wrong way I mean this idiot takes for the Xterra thanks or whatever they are and he gets caught like every time cuz he doesn't drive it right I mean holy s*** what a f****** loser you are and you don't care if you get caught and put in jail and it's good for you you're f****** wrong I can't stand you anymore everybody is sick of you retards this is terrible so we're going to start getting rid of you

Camilla

We're going to start getting rid of you now it's so f****** sick of you you dumb s*** John Riva Lord this whole thing started cuz you want to have the boys key for his apartment he's such a goddamn homo you got rid of your own race because you want a key to someone's apartment and he won't let you have it and he's not wrong it's not your key and I don't hand out keys to people who work for me you borrow it and you bring it back and you wouldn't do it at the force it out of you so I have to have you not do any work and that's what you were doing on purpose as a scam can you believe that how stupid that s*** is I'm mad at you can't you tell I'm mad at you it's cuz of the key thing well I'm ready and stuff because we don't buy that s*** I'm telling you not to have the key and I'm not upset that you don't have it or don't feel guilty I feel angry that you don't listen to what I'm telling you it's a rule and I enforced it and you still don't know that I'm forcing it because you're stupid I'm going to take you to court John remillard because you need a lesson and you have to learn that people are telling you don't do this or we'll kill you and people say that and he said it this morning other people will kill you if you do these things and you're going to get killed today

Stan

As I was saying we're sitting forces down there to get rid of you jackass Trump and don't put me in the news anymore you see what happens

Biden

And don't put me anymore the news anymore Trump because you've seen what happens and don't come out here and bother me you're a freaking loser you took over those bunkers guarantee that you're going to go and attack the empire and you're going to lose. This movie starts soon and you blow up this one to threaten the other ones even doing it and it's stupid and you're trying to blame him saying that you're having the worms to it but he's gearing up to take on the empire and use you as a scapegoat he's going to do it with foreigners and his group and they're very powerful because you idiots and you'll be gone I love you down too because you morons and he says that might not be gentleman right because there's a bunch of Max I do hear what you say so I understand that stuff and it's real and you just blab you don't know what you're talking about Trump Billy Hicks the ferry for Christ's sake here your a homo

Mac Daddy

Olympus

#Youtube

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discipleofmothra · 7 months

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Ok, this isn't really a personal blog, but I don't use any other social media and I need to shout into he void.

Why the ever loving fuck are vanks still restricting Quarters?! I live in am apartment that still uses quarters for laundry, and every fucking time I go to the bank tok get quarters they say there is a shortage and I can only order a roll nor two at a time. It's 2023! You got away with that in 2020 because everything sicked, but it's been three years! THREE YEARS! Wells Fargo is one of the largest financial institutions in the world and thy can't get twenty dollars anymore? What the fuck!

I've tried multiple branches, going well out of my way just so I don't have to do this every week, but nope they all say they are running low. Most of them won't even consider giving coins through the drive through anymore. So after sitting in line for heavens knows how long, I got to go inside and go through another line just so I can beg to have a piece of my own money so that my family can have some gif damned clean clothes.

And every fucking time, EVERY TIME, I get told there is a shortage and asked if I need the coins. Like I am inconviemcing them. Listen asshole one roll is not enough to do three loads of laundry. I have a family. I need more quarters.

It's so damned dehumanizing. I have a good job. I'm a manger, living in a good part of a great city, but once a wee I get treated like I'm trash for still using my land lord's washing machine. I t makes me so angry and tired and frustrated. Getting my money makes me mad. What the fuck!

#personal blog #banks suck #this is ehat will drive me into the wilderness #i want quarters

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darling-i-read-it · 3 years

Text

Lipstick

Karl Heisenberg x reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: borderline nsfw like I thought real hard about it, weapons, talks of murder, slight spoilers for resident evil 8

Author’s Note: just impulsively wrote this and am posting it promptly after writing so it has not been edited. Besties im down bad about this sarcastic basterd (also if anyone wants a nsfw part 2...i am willing to provide) (or any other requests for him and Alcina, my favorite bi panic people rn)

Summary: You run into Ethan in Castle Dimitrescu on your way back to the factory.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director

(not my gif)

Ethan Winters genuinely just wanted his daughter back. He was so sick and tired of going through this village in an attempt to save her, running into every possible inconvenience he could find and knowing that he would probably lose fingers fighting them.

Castle Dimitrescu was vast and regal. He might have liked it if he wasn’t running for his and his daughters' lives from the four vampires that lived there.

He was crouched down, holding a gun up as he walked very quietly and carefully throughout the house so as to not alert any of the Dimitrescu daughters. He opened one of the unlocked doors carefully and immediately stopped moving at the sight of someone.

You wore no cloak, to signify that you were a daughter and you were much shorter than the lady of the house. You grabbed one of the lipsticks that Alicna had plenty of and leaned over the vanity to see how it looked on you.

Ethan stood up and held the gun up to your head. You raised an eyebrow, looking at him from the mirror reflection.

“Who are you?” he asked, voice rough. Rougher than his face looked. You put on the lipstick and then rubbed your lips together.

“Do you think this is my color?” He shoved the gun further into your head and you scoffed. “Fine fine. Not one for makeup eh?” You put your hands up and turned around. He let you sit down on the vanity but not without his gun still pointing at your skull. You seemed unphased which would have been weird if Ethan wasn’t incredibly desensitized to everything ever.

“Who are you? Are you one of the vampires? One of the other family members? Who are you?!” You put your hands slowly down on your lap. He let you, but you were testing his patience.

“Not quite.” You gestured to him. “I’m human. Like you. Well not like you, I’m completely human, no mutations or anything done.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he hissed. You waved him off.

“If you hurt me, you will have Karl on your head and I imagine it won’t be pretty. It’s the only way I can get from Castle to Castle unharmed,” you told him.

“Karl?”

“You know, fun hat, frizzy hair, has that big hammer thing. Karl.”

“Heisenberg?” You nodded.

“Yes Ethan, I thought you were smarter than this.” Ethan shook his head quickly and then regained focus, his hand holding the gun shaking a bit.

“Where’s Rose?” You shrugged.

“Fuck if I know Ethan Winters. I’m just the person who lives in a factory and becomes a nuisance for each and every Lord.” He jabbed the gun at your head and you didn’t even flinch.

“You’re lying.”

“Truthfully, I am not. If I knew where Rose was I would at least give you a hint, just to make it interesting.”

“What is Heisenberg to you?” he asked. You smiled a bit, crossing your legs.

“I’m Heisenberg's...girlfriend for lack of a better word. Whatever Mia was to you.” His mind flashed back to Mia. He had barely been able to mourn her. He shook the thought out of his head.

“You know how to get out of here and get Rose yes?”

“I know how to get out of here. How to get Rose, I have no idea. We’ve been over this.”

“But Heisenberg knows and if I can bring you to him, he can tell me.” You shook your head gently.

“Ethan sweetie...I could call for Alcina or the girls at any time and they would be in here in seconds to tear you to pieces.”

“Not before I could pull this trigger.”

“Again, if you so much as scratch me, you’ll never breath non metal infused air again.” Ethan shook his head gently and took a deep breath. He grabbed the gun at you again. He was silent and then he lowered it.

“I’ll just be going then,” he muttered, defeated. You nodded pleasantly and stood up from sitting on the vanity. You put the lipstick back on it. You walked forward and put your hand on Ethan’s shoulder. He looked you in the eyes.

“Good luck Ethan Winters.” You started to leave but turned to him. “I do suggest that in order to save your daughter you don’t kill Alicna’s in the process.”

“Any bits of advice then?” You put your hand on the doorknob and turned it, opening it just a tad.

“Grab the masks for the main room. Do you have a map?” He handed it to you, a tattered old piece of paper. You grabbed the lipstick again and marked some places. “Avoid hurting them as much as you can.”

“Why are you helping me?”

“I don’t like Mother Miranda. I don’t trust Mother Miranda. She is the one who has your daughter I’m sure or she must know where she is. But the Dimitrescus and Karl...even Donna for that matter, are people I like and trust.”

You stepped back outside the room.

“If I hear you’ve killed any of the daughters, I’ll tell them what I know of you. If you think the Dimitrescus are scary, just wait until you meet Donna.”

You shut the door in his face. Ethan shivered.

====

You walked up the stairs to the second floor. You knocked on the door of Alcinas room and she swang it open. She took a sigh of relief.

“Thank God. I thought you were Ethan Winters.”

“You think Ethan would knock before coming in?” She scoffed. You held her the lipstick you were wearing.

“Where did you find that?”

“Downstairs where I ran into Ethan,” you said honestly. Her eyes went wide and her lips pursed in annoyance.

“Did you see the girls?”

“No but I’m sure one of them ran into him as he left the room. He was only there a couple of minutes ago, it shouldn't be that hard to find him.” She walked past you without saying goodbye. You huffed. “You’re welcome!”

=====

You made it back to the factory in just a couple of minutes. You had gotten so used to the walk that you were on autopilot the whole time before you were back to your room. Karl was already there, clearly taking a quick break before returning to his never ending work day.

“Where did you go?!” he asked, walking up to you from the bathroom. He put his hand on your arm and you grabbed his glasses which were hanging from his shirt. He had shed the jacket and hat, clearly about to shower.

“Relax, I was just at Alcinas castle,” you told him gently. He let out an annoyed exaggerated sigh that you knew all too well.

“How is my sister?” he asked. You took the lipstick out of your pocket. Alcina hadn’t actually taken it in her fit of rage to go and get Ethan. Now you had something extra for your own personal vanity back at the factory.

“Shy of one more lipstick.” You walked past him into the bathroom. He followed you as you placed it carefully on your vanity. You admired it for a second with a smile on your face. You wrapped an arm around yourself and turned back to him. You hoisted yourself onto the bathroom counter. “I ran into Ethan Winters.”

His face, which had been admiring your new addition to the vanity which was full of stolen things and things he had acquired for you, turned sour. Karl put his hand on your arm and raised it, checking your side and arm for injuries.

“I told you not to leave the room until he was caught,” he grumbled. He was trying to act like he hadn’t been worried about you from the second he realized you were gone. He was trying to ignore the fact that he himself almost stomped to each of the Lord’s castles to make sure you were alright. He didn’t want you to run into Ethan Winters, that was his worst nightmare. Ethan didn’t have any regard for you. Ethan just wanted Rose. “Are you hurt?” You shook your head.

“No. He asked me if I knew where Rose was and held a gun to my head but in the end we parted ways peacefully.”

“You could have brought him back here,” he muttered.

“I told Alcina where he was. I figured she could take care of him. You already had your shot.” He rolled his eyes and his grip on your arm tightened.

“You could have been seriously hurt. The Lord’s won’t hurt you but Mother Miranda might, Ethan might have.” You brought your free hand up to his cheek and leaned forward so your lips were just barely brushing over his.

“I can take care of myself.” He pressed a harsh kiss against your lips and made a low groaning noise. He let go of your arm to grab your leg and part them so that he could stand between your thighs. He dipped his head to kiss you and you pressed your body against him, feeling every inch of his breathing.

There was a harsh rasp at the door and he pulled away. You grabbed his neck and shook his head, kissing his jaw and peppering kisses down his neck.

“Come on, Mother Miranda doesn’t need you that bad,” you whispered. You pressed a long kiss to his jaw again and he had to physically tear himself away, however much it pained him.

“She might,” he grumbled. You held him until he moved too far away for you to. You groaned and put your head against the wall beside the mirror.

“Maybe I should go and find Ethan Winters again to finish the job. I mean he may only have eight fingers but he’s stayed alive this long and-” He grabbed your arm that was waving around as you spoke and looked you dead in the eyes.

“I will finish the job. You just sit tight kitten.” You kissed his knuckles and then let him go.

“Better be quick Karl. I get very restless very easily.”

He put on his hat and coat (the opposite of either of you wanted in the moment) and slammed the door in frustration against Mother Miranda behind him.

You took a deep breath and hoped he wouldn’t be gone too long.

NSFW Part 2

#karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg imagines #heisenberg imagines #resident evil 8 imagines

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dokoni-mo · 3 years

Text

She Truly Was || Muzan Kibustsuji x F!Reader

Summary: Enmu helps Muzan remember you.

SFW // Fluff with small amounts of Angst

Word Count: 4626

WARNINGS: *slight Mugen Train spoilers*, slight mentions of implied sexual activity, obsessive(?) behavior, Muzan is soft for one person only, some angst, mentions of injury, mentions of blood, I also barely proofread this lol

A/N: I've had this in my head for a while and decided to write it down. This is largely just a compilation of scenarios I made in my head to fall asleep at night when I was stressing over exams and stuff, all loosely thrown together with a plot. This is my first time writing for demon slayer, so please be patient! I also am basing a lot of my info about the characters on s1 of the anime, some of the manga, and the wiki. I apologize if something isn't accurate. tldr; I just think he's neat.

Despite having lived through thousands of years with hundreds of stormy nights in the midst, Muzan Kibutsuji never learned to appreciate them.

Something about nights like those in Japan just never sat right with the demon. It wasn't that they were too dreary, not at all. Life as a demon was plenty dreary. On the other hand, it wasn't that they were to lively either. No one ever went out on stormy nights; demon or not. Perhaps it was just because the rain was another reminder of the singularity that was being a demon. The poignant pitter patter just seemed to have a way of whispering to whoever heard it, telling them the most unpleasant yet quiet truths of their lives.

After Muzan's bloody meeting with the lower moons, he had told Enmu his task Muzan had planned for the pitiful, weaker demon. Although he had doubts that Enmu could hear him over the sound of the weaker demon's screams of pain from the blood he gave, Muzan was pleasantly surprised when Enmu understood the orders the first time around. Seeing as though it would cause trouble if the lower moon started to go around bragging about his newfound power and job, Muzan decided it would be best to keep a crimson eye on the demon.

This is what led to the scene before Muzan now.

Muzan had taken Enmu back to one of his many properties scattered across Japan, this one being tucked away in a lush, quiet forest in the middle of seemingly nowhere. The lower moon had not said a word throughout the entire journey there, and still refused to say anything now. Most likely out of fear.

Although it had been a long day of wrangling the lesser worms he called pawns (or "moons" if he was generous), Muzan did not want to show any weakness towards Enmu by resting. To busy himself, Muzan decided to do the tedious work the humans have him do in the job he took to please his human wife.

That insufferable woman.

With his bowler hat placed on his desk, Muzan had taken a seat in his large, leather chair, ordering Enmu to stand at the edge of the desk and face the opposite way. And, for extra edge, he was not to say or do anything.

It had been about two hours since then. The room was filled with only the sounds of Muzan's writing and the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner.

Although he ordered it to be that way, Muzan was already sick of it.

Peering his red eyes up from the papers scrawled below him, Muzan fixated his bone-chilling gaze upon the back of Enmu's head. Muzan could see the corners of the lower moon's mouth turned upwards as he faced the wall, presenting himself with an expression of dumb content.

Freak.

Enmu was definately a curious specimen. So eager to die, yet so eager to please Muzan. The demon lord would have been confused if he were not who he was.

Perhaps it was his own boredom setting in, perhaps it was because he wanted to feed his already gargantuan ego, or perhaps it was just because he was tired, Muzan decided to speak up.

"Tell me," Muzan said, his deep, smooth voice making Enmu perk up slightly, "Why is it that are you so loyal to me?"

Enmu took this as an opportunity to finally move, but not without some caution. The lower demon only turned his neck towards Muzan, along with a tilt of his shoulder. Muzan noted the disobedience of orders, but decided to let it slide this time.

The rain must have told him to be generous that night.

"Why, Master Kibustsuji," Enmu said, a faint blush adorning his cheeks, "It is because I am so delighted to be in your presence, and have my power be of service to you."

The demon lord felt his jaw clench at this, his red eyes peering up at the lower moon from under his abyssal lashes. Although Enmu had an... odd, way of putting things, Muzan always did like it when someone stroked his ego, even if all they ever said was the same banter over and over again. He was nearly perfection, afterall.

Muzan sat quietly and pondered Enmu's response for a second, before formulating his own.

"Your power, as you put it," Muzan said, his voice firm, "What is it?"

Enmu's grin widened, "Dream Manipulation, Master. I can enter, manipulate, or control anyone's dreams however I want to. I can use it to kill from the inside, eating a person spirit first and body second. I can also put people to sleep."

Muzan wasn't necessarily impressed by this, but he wasn't disappointed either. An ordinary power, really. Nothing that could ever rival his own.

However...

Muzan's gaze flickered down to the surface of his desk. A flicker of a long lost yet not forgotten feeling bubbled deep inside of his being. A mere spark of light, really, a piece of warmth he felt from long ago, lost to the wayside by the vestiges of time.

It was something Muzan thought he would never experience again.

Dream manipulation, huh?

It might be worth a try.

Muzan looked back up to Enmu, sharpening his gaze, "Tell me, are you able to give... pleasant dreams?"

Enmu was surprised to hear this come from Muzan to say the absolute least. He took this as another opportunity to disobey orders and turn to Muzan again, this time fully and whole-heartedly. The lower moon looked right into those blood red eyes, looking for any sign of a rare flicker of humor or joking.

Muzan's gaze was serious, poised as ever.

Muzan was being for real.

Taking a pause to swallow, Enmu allowed his soft smirk to return to his gray, pale face.

"Why," the lower moon retorted, "I can, Master, yes."

Muzan eyed the lesser demon for a good second at his response.

This move was risky. It could damage his image. Yet, if he was to do this with any of his pawns, he would do it with Enmu. Enmu seemed to have no intent on harming Muzan or his image in any way; he was far too loyal for that.

Besides, if someone were to question the might of Muzan, he could just prove them wrong.

Muzan leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other and lacing his fingers together, wrapping them around his knee. His icy gaze still on Enmu, he spoke again.

"I wish to see a pleasant dream."

Muzan nearly rolled his eyes when he saw just how wide Enmu's grin had gotten and just how flushed his face got.

It was repulsive.

But, if it meant what Muzan thought it would mean...

It was worth stomaching.

After a breif moment used to compose himself, Enmu's smile faded to normal again. He pulled up the sleeves to his coat.

"I will give you a dream where you will experience the happiest days of your life over again, Master Kibutsuji," the lower moon stated, "Is this to your liking or would you prefer something else?"

"No," Muzan stated flatly, "That is fine."

Perfect, even.

Enmu smiled widely one last time, holding out his arm and pointing it at the demon lord.

"Sweet dreams, my lord." Was the last thing Muzan heard before falling into a deep, deep sleep.

"Muzan..."

Despite his blood demon art being so much weaker than his, Muzan wasn't quite ready for just how Enmu put him into a dream like that. Muzan's headache had grown ten-fold now, and he could feel that his face was scrunched.

"Muzan..."

Slowly but surely regaining his full consciousness, Muzan could first feel that he was in different clothes than what he had been wearing before. These ones were lighter, softer, and much more airy than his normal suit. Squinting open his crimson eyes, he saw that he was in what appeared to be a long, dark, flowing kimono.

The second thing Muzan could feel was that it was rather cool where he was, and that he appeared to be lying on the ground. Sifting his weight slowly, he could then feel that his head was lain upon what felt like two soft, plush pillows firmly squished together.

The third thing, however, took him a little longer to discern quite that it was. At first, he thought it was a pair of chopsticks running across his scalp over and over again. Upon, further thought, however, Muzan was further snapped back into awareness.

Those were not chopsticks.

Those were fingers.

All too familiar fingers.

"Muzan..!"

Muzan felt a stir deep down inside of him. He recognized this feeling, this touch, this warmth. It had been so, so long since he had felt like this. How long was it again? It had to be an eternity ago. An eternity wrapped within all time time in the world.

Muzan was speechless. Muzan couldn't move. Muzan was struck from deep within, and nothing in the world could ever compare to its blow.

"Muzan!"

Although the calling of the demon's lord name had been going on for some time now, he was just now able to respond.

Tilting his chin upwards towards the voice's source, Muzan nearly fell to bits right then and there. If he was someone else, he would have wept deep, earnest tears at the very sight of the being above him. For everything and nothing surrounded him as he studied the bright, radiant face above him, and nothing else seemed to exist other than that smile.

Other than her.

Her.

Oh, her, her, her.

His beloved. His sun, moon and stars. The ground beneath his feet and the air around him. His joy and love, his woes and sorrow. His fears and excitement. His warmth and his cold.

You.

You were really here.

"I was wondering if you were ever gonna wake up," you said, a faint laugh behind your voice, "You were out for so long!"

This scene was all too familiar to Muzan. He had replayed it in his head countless times, as if it were the only record left in the world.

He knew what this day was, and he knew all of your lines.

How could he ever forget?

Every moment he had ever spent with you had been a blessing.

Right now, his head was cradled in your lap, your soft, delicate fingers combing through his hair oh so gently as he had slept. It was deep into the night, and ordinarily Muzan would not be sleeping at this time. However, your touch was just so relaxing to him.

Everything about you was.

Today, you and him had spent the night wandering through the garden of your home together, chatting about anything and everything. It was only about two months into your relationship with Muzan. Muzan had first come to your home with the intention of eating everyone within the residence, but once he saw your face, watched you, saw your heart, your spirit, your you, he just couldn't.

He just...

couldn't.

You were human, yes.

But Muzan didn't care.

He was in love with you.

Muzan had yet to tell you the truth about him, however.

But that could come later.

"Muzan, are you alright?" He heard your voice echo again, snapping him out of his trance. He saw your face painted with worry, making his own features soften.

His darling angel. If only you knew just how much it pained him to see you with anything other than a smile.

Muzan reached his hand upwards, steadily maneuvering his fingers to brush your hair behind your ear and cup your warm cheek. He was shocked at how real you felt, shocked at just how similar it felt to all those years ago.

Perhaps Muzan had to give Enmu a reward.

The demon lord caressed your cheek gingerly with his cold, calloused thumb, savoring in just how warm your flesh was compared to his. For the first time in what felt like eons, Muzan felt a smile adorn his handsome features. Not one put on just to appease the humans around him, but genuine. The type of smile only you got to see.

Only you.

"I'm more than alright, my darling." He responded, his voice soft and warm, without the normal venom he gives to his subordinates. A voice reserved restrictively for you.

Finally, you let a soft grin come over your heavenly face again, making all seven of Muzan's hearts swell.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up," you said, "But it's about to be dawn soon. I don't want you to get a burn, so let's go in the house again, okay?"

Ah yes, the lie Muzan told you. He, of course, couldn't be with you in the sunlight (as much as he wanted to). So he had told you that he had a rare disorder that made him extra prone to sunburns and heatstroke.

Just something to keep you safe from the truth.

His soft smile still adorning his features, Muzan gave you a nod as he slid his head off of your lap. Since you were on your knees, you were quicker to stand than him. Brushing off your kimono quickly, you offered one of your hands to Muzan to help him stand, of which he gladly took. He had long since forgotted just how perfectly your hand fit into his, along with how radiant your kimono made you look.

Once he was back on his feet, Muzan couldn't help but to hold your arms, holding you a few feet away from him to simply admire you for a moment, his crimson eyes doing laps around your face and body.

You were perfect to him.

Every single thing about you was without flaw in his eyes. Not one curve of your body was too shallow or too wide. Not one strand of your hair was misplaced or without poise. Not one feature on your face took away from your radiant beauty. And you had not one bad bone inside of your body.

Muzan was never one to believe in angels.

However, if anyone in any part of the world were to tell him that you were one of them, straight from the heavens themselves,

He would believe them.

As soon as Muzan stepped through the door, his hand in your own, the scene before him changed in one giant, peaceful flash of white light.

Before him now was no longer the house that he had shared with you all those years ago. Now, in its place, was a beautiful, lush springtime garden, all dredged under the cover of the night. It was not devoid of light, however. There were a few lanterns afloat in the water of the stream, as well as some within the structure of the small bridge that went over top of it. Flowers adorned every nook and cranny of the space, and the occasional insect or bird would make a brief appearance.

A small slice of paradise, just for you and Muzan Kibutsuji.

Fearing that you were no longer by his side, Muzan turned his head. His fears were quickly subsided when he saw you there next to him. Your delicate hands were placed on the railing of the bridge, and your eyes were fixated on the calm water below, almost as if it were a window into the heavens above. There was a small smile plastered on your face, and the delicate lights illuminated each of your features so perfectly.

Muzan knew this night.

This was the night he told you the truth.

The truth about him, about his "condition", about where he went for days on end, about why he couldn't walk with you in the sun, about everything.

This was the one night Muzan had ever felt fear.

"Is it really true, Muzan?" You asked, your gaze still fixated on the water below, "Are you really a demon?"

Muzan felt his lips part in small surprise. Even though he had replayed this night time and time again in his mind, it felt as if this were all happening for the first time over again.

Enmu really was good at this.

Muzan wet his lips before responding, setting his gaze on your precious, beautiful face and refusing to move it, "Yes, my love. It is true. I would not lie to you about this, I..."

A pause to collect this thoughts, before he could continue, "I kept it from you to protect you, (Y/N). I did not want any harm to come to you. My darling, I... I love you. My love for you knows no bounds. You are the stars that shine at night, and you are the shining moon above. Each time I look upon you, all I can stand to think of is how deep my love for you runs. I... I need you, (Y/N). I do not wish for you to be frightened of me, my angel. I would never, not ever harm you, nor let any harm come to you."

You still weren't looking at Muzan, yet your smile had yet to falter. Muzan felt a bubble of nervousness in his gut. Although he knew your response to his words already, even thinking of this moment never failed to make his stomach churn. He hoped his words to you were enough. He doubted that he had ever said anything more truthful in his entire life.

After a long pause of silence between the two of you, you closed your eyes and widened your smile. Then, you opened your eyes again, finally turning to face your lover. You looked Muzan right in the eyes, seemingly unfazed that you were standing so dangerously close to the most powerful being alive.

You were so brave.

Your heart was so big.

Muzan felt so overwhelmed.

"Muzan," you said, your cheeks dusting a light pink.

What you said next to him, Muzan could never get out of his head, never forget. No matter how much he tried, he would never not ever forget your words in that moment.

Within that one short, simple phrase, the king of demons fell in love all over again.

"I've always known."

Another flash within his crimson eyes, and the scene had changed again. Nighttime again, of course, but this time within the confines of the bedroom you and Muzan shared. Both you and Muzan were nude, sans the blanket that covered the lower half of your forms. Muzan was on his back, one strong arm wrapped around you, the other cradling the back of his head. Your legs were intertwined with his, and your hair and hands were sprawled out on top of his lean, muscular chest.

Muzan knew this night as well.

It was his most loved night with you, but also his most dreaded.

How cruel fate was.

Stroking your back with the tips of his fingers, Muzan stared up at the ceiling above the two of you. Your body was flush against his, and as warm as ever. He wondered to himself if he was making you cold. If he was, you didn't seem to mind.

After a long period of savoring the silence between you and him, you softly snorted out a cute, soft giggle. This made Muzan angle his chin downward to look at the top of your head.

"What is it?" He questioned.

You giggled again, tilting your head up to look at him. Smiling, you turned your body to lay on top of the demon king, your breasts smushing against his own. Instinctively, Muzan laid his hands on your hips, rubbing small circles into them as he held you in place.

"I just find it funny that even though you profess to have so much stamina, you get tired after only two rounds." You explained to him, a playful mischievousness in your tone and eyes.

Muzan breathed out a smile, reaching up a clawed hand to brush your hair out of your face.

"As I recall it, you were the one complaining it was too much." He quipped back.

You snorted, "As if that ever stopped you before."

The demon let out a soft chuckle, leaning forward to give you a kiss on the forehead. Muzan couldn't remember ever laughing so genuinely before you came along. You truly were the light of his life. You filled his days with the sunlight he had long since forgotten, as well with the warmth no other demon could ever have.

He loved you.

He loved you he loved you he loved you.

And he still did.

He watched as you dropped your gaze to his chest, running your fingers along the flesh.

"Muzan..." you said, your voice more serious than before, "I've been thinking a lot lately..."

The demon king hummed, brushing more hair from your face.

"What has been on your mind, my love?" He asked.

You paused for a second before continuing on. Muzan could practically see the gears turning in your head.

"Well, I... I'm not getting any younger, you know, and I've been thinking. I... I really love you, Muzan. You're the only person I can imagine myself being with for the rest of my life. The other day, I was in town, and I saw the cutest family ever with a husband and a wife and two adorable little children, and it made me think..."

You looked up at him again, giving him a soft smile.

"What if we were to have a family of our own?"

Muzan could feel the same sense of joy, love, and pride in his chest as he did this same moment all those years ago. In this moment, he had never felt closer to you before, nor could you recall ever looking more beautiful.

He wanted nothing more than to be a family with you for the rest of eternity.

"Darling, you know what that would mean, correct?" He questioned you. He had told you long before that demons could only have offspring with other demons, for a demon baby would eat its human mother from the inside and kill her. It was gruesome, and had originally made you cringe at the thought. Muzan had thought your reaction was quite cute.

"Yes, yes, I know," you answered, "and I'd be ready for it. Even if I'm a demon, and even if I can never go out in the sun again or live normally ever again, I'd be happy knowing I got to be with you and our baby for the rest of time."

Muzan gave you a smile in return, his long, white fangs flashing in the light of the night. Leaning forward, he kissed you upon your soft, warms lips, gently pulling you closer to him.

This was one of the thousands of reasons why he loved you.

You were always so sweet, so kind and optimistic. He would admit, he did have a soft spot for you and you alone. But he didn't care. You were worth it. You were worth every single piece of money on planet earth. You were worth the sun the moon and the stars, and all the planets here and beyond. You were worth any injury, any heartache, and any trial or tribulation in the world.

The king of the demons unquestionably, unfathomably, undeniably, adored you.

Pulling gently away from the kiss, Muzan looked deep into your eyes, right past your pupils and looked right into your soul, your very being.

"I would want nothing more, my sunlight."

If Muzan could turn back the hands of time, he would have kept you here with him for the rest of everything and beyond.

For he did not know then that was the last kiss you and him would share.

Another flash, and Muzan was no longer greeted with a visage of the past. Much to his dismay, the demon was now greeted with the sight of his office, with a smiling Enmu creepily watching him from across his desk.

What a fucking freakshow.

Taking in a breath of air through his nose, Muzan sat up tall in his chair again, rubbing the bridge of his nose with this thumb and pointer finger.

You were gone again. You were again nothing up a memory, a whisper of a time from the past.

Muzan could hardly bare it.

He had felt you, held you near him.

And just as fast as you came back, you were gone again.

This was a pain almost too hard to bear.

How long was he asleep for? Muzan really didn't care how long it was.

No amount of time with you was enough.

"Did you have the pleasant dream you wished for, Master?" Enmu asked the demon king. The lesser moon was lucky Muzan was in a somewhat good mood that day.

"Yes." Muzan replied simply, closing his eyes to rub them with his thumb, "Excellent work."

Enmu's smile widened at this, his cheeks turning pink again.

"Why, thank you, Master." He responded, his excitement prevalent in his voice.

Enmu really was a special one.

After composing himself again, Muzan scooted his chair forward up to his desk, fixing his gaze back onto his work sprawled out below.

Muzan just wanted to be alone again after that. He had been alone for years now, but he wanted Enmu out of the room. Although he could have easily ordered it to be so, he again did not want to show any weakness to the lower moon.

Christ on a bike. Muzan was so fucking stubborn.

He remembered all the times you nagged him for it.

Oh, what he would give to have you nag him one last time.

After a long bout of silence, the lesser demon decided to speak up again. He turned his head over his shoulder again to Muzan, trying to sound as naieve and innocent as possible.

"Master," Enmu said, "Where is she now?"

Muzan stopped his movements and glared up at Enmu with a venomous glare. How dare he even refer to you. You were so far above him, how dare Enmu even think to invoke your name.

Though Muzan wanted to kill the other demon right on the spot, he decided against it. He still wanted to see how Enmu would do on his mission. Also, Muzan had to admit that he did feel lighter and more generous after his dream with you. And he supposed it was fair that Enmu had his questions.

Feeling nice, Muzan decided to entertain Enmu's question.

Shifting his gaze back to the papers below, Muzan replied.

"Gone." he said, "The night she asked about a family was the last night I saw her alive. The next day, a group of slayers found her and our house. They knew who she was and that she was human, but killed her anyway. All in attempt to get to me. I found her in a pool of her own blood, limp and cold. The slayers died that same night."

Enmu's smile faded at this, his face taking on a look of shock. Closing his lips into a tight line, Enmu looked away, out of a quiet unconscious respect. Everything made so much more sense to Enmu now. Why the demon king was the way he was, his hatred for slayers, his cold-hearted, murderous nature.

It all clicked into place.

"I... I am sorry for your loss, Master." He said, his voice quieter than normal, "She seemed like a lovely woman."

Muzan peered up at the back of Enmu's head. Through his thick, black lashes.

"Yes..." Muzan said.

"She truly was."

#demon slayer #kny fanfic #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba muzan #kimestsu no yaiba #demon slayer x y/n #demon slayer x you #demon slayer x reader #muzan kibutsuji #muzan kibutsuji x reader

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itgirlification · 3 years

Text

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

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drabblecat · 3 years

Text

Yandere!Heisenberg x F!Reader Part 2

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Warnings: yandere behavior, slight nudity, drugging

Part 1

Slightly longer than i was aiming for but that's ok! My initial thought was more pwp but then I realized I kinda wanted some sort of plot... Anyways, big plans for next chapters! As always I'd love to hear what you think and the ask box is open!

You took a moment to try and calm your nerves. Heisenberg still had your face in his rough hands, and you couldn’t try to run with that chain holding you down. As his thumb ran across your lips anger built inside you. Mother Miranda was supposed to protect everyone in the village, but as soon as shit hit the fan there was no one that came to the rescue. You parted your lips as if starting to speak, his thumb now pressing down on your lower lip. Tilting your head forward ever so slightly, you bit down on the man’s thumb. He pulled back and sat up in shock that someone in your current position would do such a thing.

“Take care of me huh? Like Mother Miranda was supposed to? Yeah, well look how that worked out!” The hand still next to your head quickly gasped onto your neck, lifting you up to meet his eyes.

“That bitch was just using the village. It was a lie she used to make sure we had the right number of bodies to work with and everyone fell for it!” Tightening around your throat you started to gasp for air, hands pulling at Heisenberg’s grip. He let you go, house bouncing against the mattress. “It seems you need some more time to adjust. I’ll be back later and hopefully you’ll realize your place here.” The bed shifted as he stood up. Walking to the door and closing it behind him you heard a loud telltale click of a lock.

You stared up at the ceiling for a moment, not only to catch your breath, but also in attempt to process what exactly was happening. Tears formed in the corner of your eyes, one spilling over your cheek and rolled down to your chin. You let it fall for just a moment, and then gathered yourself. What was done was done. True you saw people that you knew dying in the streets, but you didn’t truly know them. You were just the new girl in town, if they were in your place, they would just be happy to be alive. Besides, Heisenberg was one of the town’s lords, right? It’s possible that this isn’t all that bad, you don’t know anything about him besides owning the old factory. At least he’s not Beneviento or Moreau. The dolls were creepy as hell, and you were never one for going near the waters that looked like they’d eat you if given the chance.

Using the sheet you wiped your eyes, and decided it was best to examine your surroundings further. Getting off the bed, the chain falling to the floor with it, you saw the cuff had a decent amount of length to it. Besides the bed and the heavy door, there were a few other things. There was the chair still at the end of the bed, a small nightstand, a vanity, and two other doors. Walking over to the vanity you were taken back. It had a framed photo of you that you do not remember taking. Especially since it was of you just out of the shower! Hesitantly you tipped it over, not wanting to even think of what that photo implied. Below the vanity were some drawers, opening them you found a hairbrush, and what only could be described as some of the raunchiest lingerie you’ve ever seen. Then came the two doors, one was significantly smaller than the other. Trying the small one first in the back left of the room, no luck. After turning the round door knob a few times you gave it a rest. Next was the larger door, this one opened right away. Nothing too interesting, just an ordinary bathroom. It was a little dirty, but nothing worse than what you’ve seen at certain gas stations.

Starting by opening all the possible cabinets you found they were all empty. Nothing to even try to use to get out. No cleaning chemicals or even medicine in the medicine cabinet. Heisenberg must have thought this through this for some time. The chain finally ran out of length at the toilet, just short of the bath. Seeing as nothing came from this, you returned to the bed to stare at the ceiling and think. Not like there was anything else to do. Who knows how long it took you to explore the room and think your thoughts. Without windows or any sort of clock there was no way to tell. Curling up to one side you snuggled into the blankets. Once again you heard the door click, causing you to bolt upright to face the noise. Heisenberg came through the door, carrying a metal tray holding a plate of food, a fork, a glass with what looked like water, and a small white vase with two wilted yellow flowers.

“Dinner time! Now I know I’m not the best cook, but you should find this to at least be appetizing. After all you must be starving darling.” He sat the tray on the bed and sat back in his chair. The plate was just as he said, didn’t look five stars, but your stomach growled at the mess of food. It looked like some baked beans, accompanied by some thick slices of grilled ham, and a chunk of corn bread. You still didn’t move, despite your hunger.

“Ok ok, you probably think I drugged the food, right? Well, I didn’t. Drugging you would be easier with a dart gun.” He lowered his glasses slightly to look you in the eye. With a sigh he grabbed the fork, picking up an entire slice of the ham, ripping a bite out of it. “See?” he placed the ham with the fork in it back down on the plate, speaking as he chewed. You couldn’t hold out much longer. If now was dinner time, that means you missed an entire day with nothing to eat. Planning any sort of escape or resistance to him couldn’t be done on an empty stomach. Reaching forward you used the fork the cut off a bite sized piece. It was surprisingly well seasoned, and super tender.

“There you go sweetheart! I knew it would just take some time to get used to, I’m not all that bad.” He chuckled and watched you as you ate. Only because he was watching you did you eat just a little faster than you had wanted to. Sure, he was a little off putting, but he seemed happy when you played along with whatever sick fantasy he had conjured up in his head. Once the meal was done, he set the flower on your nightstand and the tray right beside it. He stood up, taking his hat and coat off and throwing it on the chair.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I had a full day today and I am beat. Time to get some shut eye.” He glanced over to the vanity; a small piece of cloth poked out from where you had rummaged around. “I see you had some fun today as well. Your still in that ragged gown, I think you might want to change into something a little more… fresh.” Shit, you thought you’d put everything back to where it was. You mentally curse yourself as he opened the drawers. He was right though; you were still in the stained nightgown from the attack. As much as a fresh outfit was a good idea, you dreaded what his choice might be.

After a few moments of rummaging, he pulled out a gown that looked like it went down to mid-thigh, in a deep crimson color. It would have been a nice gown, if it wasn’t for the fact that the entire section around the breasts were almost see through lace with slits on both sides that went from the bottom and halfway up.

“Absolutely not.” You blurted out, causing him to chuckle.

“Sweetheart I don’t think you have a choice in the matter. Besides you and I both know that if you stay in that grimy thing, it’ll make you more uncomfortable than wearing this. It’s soft to, pure silk.” He tossed it on the bed and gave you a wink. Giving a defeated huff, you picked it up. He was right, it was incredibly soft. Getting off the bed with the garment in hand you headed towards the bathroom.

“Aww, and I thought I was going to see you strip. Maybe some other time…” He looked at you with his shit-eating grin. Your face became flustered, and you slammed the door as fast as you could, not shutting all the way due to the chain. Once inside the bathroom you began to change, making sure he couldn’t see you through the crack in the door. It was only then that you found the slip came with a matching pair of panties. Sighing in defeat and honestly just tired of all the bullshit thrown at you these past days you just put them on. It did give you some comfort, surprisingly feeling clean in this lewd outfit over your much more covering, yet crawling with filth, night gown. Taking a look in the mirror you looked yourself over. At least your tits looked hot in this, a confidence boost is good, right?

Slowly opening the door further, you became almost timid at what you saw. Heisenberg had also begun to strip down to his boxers for the night. He was in the middle of removing his shirt. His muscular back was littered with all sorts of scars. His muscles flexed as he took of the white stained undershirt, the smallest beads of sweat wicked away by the fabric. His tight ass was also a sight to see. Looking over his shoulder, he locked eyes with you, no longer having glasses obscure the direct line of sight.

“Well well, seems we’ve both found ourselves some eye candy huh.” Tossing the last piece of clothing to the chair he approached the door. Opening it and taking your hand he looked down at you, you quickly looked away to avoid feeling more embarrassment. Suddenly he picked up bridal style, your hands immediately reaching for his chest in attempt to hold on. In doing so your hands felt the warm firm handful of his pecks. He chuckled as you quickly folded your hands back into your own chest. Ever so gently he set you back on the bed, a sharp contrast to what had happened earlier.

Settling down next to you, you turned away from him. As you felt the bed dip with his weight, he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you close. You could feel a slight bulge resting against your ass. You tried to create some sort of distance, but you couldn’t move at all. Resigning to the situation, you tried to settle down, eyes unable to close despite some tiredness. All you could see in the limited range of movement you had was the nightstand, remnants of the meal, and the two flowers wilted but vibrant as they sat in the small vase.

#karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg #re8 #yandere!heisenberg #yandere resident evil #smut #re8 smut #x reader #karl heisenberg x you

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