#i came back to life bc an anon was sending engaging stuff

[obsessivelyloved]

I love your account man, this is awesome.

seeing a new post from you is the highlight of my days, you are truly amazing at weaving words together in a way that captures my brain

Thank you!!! It’s so nice to know someone likes my writing 😭 tbh I ended up not continuing the October prompts partially due to feeling like no one cared

#i came back to life bc an anon was sending engaging stuff #most of the time i end up disappearing is bc my inbox is full of x reader requests and that gets super boring after a while #especially since that’s mainly the posts that due well and none of my aus or even char x char stuff get much attention engagement #it’s extremely frustrating

[onyourowndaisymae]

Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works. 

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been. 

where is time when you need it? 

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories. 

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel. 

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response. 

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death. 

your price? you had to carry the memories. 

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden. 

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe. 

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died. 

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell? 

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact. 

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied. 

this fear was going to be the death of you. 

#i cannot tell if this is good or not i've looked at it for hours #ask answer #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me writing #obey me fanfic #obey me angst #obey me brothers #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me chapter 16 spoilers #otome

[inklingofadream]

Jonah ask anon again: thank you for your responses and for being so open to questions! Jonah is just such an uncomfortable vibe, I love your take on him. I assume Jon doesn't know about Jonah's working hypothesis yet; I imagine he'd be horrified. Last question: I assume all the other temple leaders have met Jon several times now considering Jonah's recent insensitive anniversary party. Has anyone tried to get Jonah to send Jon on tour?

Thanks, it's fun to have people engage! 💗Jon hardcore does not know what Jonah's thinking. Jon is thinking in terms of "this is the rest of my life" and that life will probably be long! Lotta resources to keep him alive and healthy-ish through any and all cancer/autoimmune disorder manifesting/dementia isn't actually on the list Beholding would Not allow it/horrible accident/Artefact Storage incident/etc! He's anticipating along the lines of 80, 90, maybe just past 100. A fair bit past the general UK life expectancy. If Jonah is right- the Eye is convinced that it's preferable to be proactive here lol- it's more along the lines of 500. Better hope that Extinction doesn't manifest catastrophically...

The Usher Foundation and Pu Songling Research Centre have both pitched this like. CONSTANTLY. To Jon, to Jonah, to Michael and Gerry, literally any point of contact they have is like 💗Jon can come visit us any time 😊he's always welcome 🥰wouldn't it be great if he came to broaden his horizons💗

It's mixed success, largely because Jon does have people there who he actually talks/writes to willingly, and he's a bit anxious about the idea. He lives here... when JONAH was in charge of where he ended up he got torn away from his home... what guarantee does he have that no one will try to keep him if he visits? Much as he'd love to see the Stokers, also, if he's out of Jonah's immediate supervision he (fairly accurately) suspects that Jonah would spend the Whole Time watching him, so would he even be able to hang with them? Unknown. But they have the best chance if Jon DOES ever feel like traveling given the relationships there.

Everyone else... The two immediately allied with the Institute are mostly fine, and the tone is "we'd love a visit!!1!!" But everyone else is Super passive aggressive about it. He's too skinny don't you feed him? That crown is not fancy enough what are you doing?! He'd benefit SO much from a bit of sunshine, he should come to our place it's sunny! etc etc

And Jonah is passive aggressive back. It's mentioned that some of the delegates are a bit handsy. Jonah does not care about this in the moment. He doesn't WANT Jon to like these people, so sexual harassment is like. whatever. Jonah cares IMMENSELY once everyone's gone home and the next time they say Jon should visit it's all about how they made Jon sooooooo uncomfortable, they don't understand what he Needs, don't they know he's DELICATE??? So while both avenues come up fairly frequently, for the moment nothing's likely to come of it

(also, for birdverse, Someday i will finish my Epic Honeymoon fic. bc they had their nice quiet honeymoon, but maybe they should visit other places! But if it's just Jon and Martin something could happen... final passenger list: Jon, Martin, Tim, Danny, Gerry, Michael, Sasha, Georgie, Melanie... possibly someone like Lesere to be the Emergency Adultier Adult, or Quincy and/or Xiaoling joining as they visit them, so there's extra Institute-aligned people to keep anyone from Keeping them. If I finish it it'll probably be little bitty snapshots of each location and STILL be mega long. Everywhere wants Jon to see both the Eye stuff and the general tourist stuff. There's definitely a point where they rent the biggest RV you've ever seen in your life and road trip to as many National Parks as possible bc 1) no fraught avatar interactions and 2) even in a verse where Tim and Danny aren't banished, those boys love them some outdoor recreation. Possibly Trevor and Julia show up to be weird for a bit, idk. I say honeymoon, but I more mean gap year. Possibly 2. Decent chance it takes place a While after the wedding, when those of them with Actual Jobs are kinda feeling like it's time to move on, so they can just resign bc it is just never going to be a thing they can take a bit of PTO and return after. Maybe What the Ghost? spends a bit as a feed highlighting smaller creators. Maybe they do a bunch of on the road episodes. Lotta haunted places you can see as a tourist)

#cult au #feedback #writing #birdverse #ink post #asks

[footballffbarbiex]

I remember the football fanfic community from the early 2010s (really showing my age here lol) There was only one football blog that I can recall that wrote really explicit stuff, but most of it was just regular smut (I'd hate to call it tame or vanilla because that feels like I'm saying one is better than the other which it isn't), and even that was few and far between. 99% of the time, writers implied it but rarely wrote detailed scenes. Most of the explicit things got posted to AO3 and those weren't about ofcs. I think the shift might also have happened due to the attention certain things got in traditional media (looking at you, 50 shades), which feels both like a good thing and worrisome at the same time. I mean, I think it's great and needed that we bring sex and the things that turn you on out of taboo, but I also wonder how much of that could lead to people not thinking about what they enjoy and forgetting about their own boundaries

I mean, I think it's great and needed that we bring sex and the things that turn you on out of taboo, but I also wonder how much of that could lead to people not thinking about what they enjoy and forgetting about their own boundaries

and i think this is so important. don't force yourself to enjoy something that you don't particular like just because it's what seemingly something that everyone else does. and it's 100% about learning what you like. even if it's just in your mind and not something that you'd like to happen. look at the amount of dark writers out there. they may write non-con but that doesn't mean they want that to happen to them in a very real situation.

i watched something years ago now and it was looking at the way sex education was handled in the uk (poorly might i add) and conversations surrounding consent. loads of the girls felt they had to send nudes (which btw, if you're under 18 and you're sending nudes, this is child pornography) or have their face cum on, or be slapped, have sex in doggy and be called things like "whore" otherwise they were frigid or a prude and it came from the lads watching porn, seeing the couples in those engage in rough sex and not understanding that those videos are staged and intended for consenting adults. but the children were watching that and thinking that's what you do during sex. you don't need to ask, bc they'll like it and want it.

and smut is the same thing. if you read enough of the content that you're not enjoying and it bleeds into your real life then you need to take a step back. i've already seen anons on here playing hell up bc footballers have done something in real life that did not match their actions in fanfiction and that's when fanfics become dangerous.

but with smut, if you don't like the warnings that should be applied to smut (i don't care how much of a spoiler it is for your fics, it should be on there), don't read it. if it starts to get too much and out of your comfort zone, click off it. but find your own boundaries and don't let anyone take that from you.

+ plots that have worried you to request or don't think would be accepted +

#the last bit also applies to friendships FYI

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #relationships i guess #internet stuff #this went in a bigger direction that i thought it would lmao #but anyway

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I��m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

#silm #silm fandom #silmarillion #fan culture #tmi anna #(for real this time sjdfhdkfh) #tefain nin #long post #anon #answers

[koocycle]

hiii i’d like to request an angst + comforting fluff, like the OC has a hard time keeping old friendship and has like many doubts and worries and feels like a bad friend. basically an overthinker + emotionally sensitive OC. who among the boys could really fit for giving good advice and some comfort to the OC. could be romantic or platonic. bc i’m basically like that irl wew. it’s my first time opening up abt that.

adore u | jhs drabble

pairing; hoseok x reader

word count; 1,6k

genre; angst, fluff.

contains; bestfriend!hoseok, roommate!hoseok, sweet stuff, sad stuff :(

note; this drabble is based on some personal experiences,, being an overthinker nd emotionally sensitive person makes two of us :( it can be pretty hard sometimes but pls don’t!!!! keep it all to yourself sweet anon!!!! talk w someone if necessary, it can even be me!!

visit; my masterlist !

send me; your imagination right here and i’ll make it come true :) 

You were never the kind of person to easily open up to new people, neither were you the kind of person to seek for any kind of social attention. Even when you were only a little child, engaging in conversations and interacting with others was something you definitely had to work on. After years of struggling with the idea of befriending new people and being an expected social butterfly, it didn’t seem to surprise you when people labeled you as ‘the quiet kid in the back of class’.

Very often, you found yourself doubting yourself from time to time, nothing much had changed since that time after all. You figured out that your ‘shy’ behavior even had a negative effect on your past friendships.

As a young adult, you had always thought that you would eventually grow past this perplexed phase of forced smiles and friendships. And now that you were actually able to call yourself a grown adult, you were even more disappointed in yourself when this ugly and toxic mindset still didn’t find it’s way out of your life. It made you angry how you were still doubting your social skills every time being surrounded by your friends.

Coming back from a day with some of your friends that was supposed to be fun, made you in reality mentally exhausted. Doubting yourself almost every day was one thing, but proving your negative thoughts to be right by hanging out with them was another thing you couldn’t quite get the grip on yet. You had no idea what was wrong with you and why you thought yourself to be such an awful friend, but you had been thinking this way for a good amount of years, and you were wondering if you would ever be able to change yourself.

So here you were, sitting in the drivers seat of your dark, cool car. Your car was already parked in the parking lot of your apartment for a little longer than ten minutes, and as to why you didn’t get inside your house already, you also didn’t have a valid reason for. The engine was turned off long ago and you had allowed your forehead to lean against the steering wheel, only for you to think in complete silence by yourself.

You had been looking forward to this moment all day long— the moment you were able to slip under your cool sheets and fill your head with even more negative thoughts.

However, you gave that idea a second thought when you had seen Hoseok’s car neatly parked in it’s usual spot, indicating that he had arrived home earlier than expected.

You took your time to pull yourself together before you would enter the building. Not wanting to ruin his time away from work with another set of your sad thoughts for him to go through. You knew that your best friend was about to ask you how your day went by, especially since you spent your day with some of your friends— something you usually try to avoid.

So when you had finally arrived in front of your door, you took one more shaky breath before you entered, only to be welcomed by your energetic best friend himself.

As usual, Hoseok’s energy was brighter than anything you’ve ever seen. Even though you had something close to a mental breakdown only a few minutes ago, you couldn’t help but smile widely at the sight of him. Your roommate was so hardworking, always waking up in the early morning, only to arrive back home in the late afternoon but still giving you the most beautiful smile whenever you needed one.

‘‘How was Jimin’s birthday party? Did you have fun?’’ he had asked you the moment you walked inside the living room. The first thing you did was plopping down the couch to sit next to him. You wanted to be comforted by his presence as you felt your happy mood shifting again upon hearing the question.

‘‘It was nice.’’ You let your temple fall against his his shoulder, the lie easily slipping from your lips as you closed your eyes at the feeling of him beside you. You tried to distract yourself, knowing how Hoseok wanted you to get into the details. ‘‘Can’t believe you can watch this without your insides doing a turn over.’’ You told him, indicating to the television in front of both of you playing some kind of American reality show.

‘‘There is not really anything else to watch at this time of the day.’‘ You heard him chuckle lightly. ‘‘You’re home early, by the way, I honestly thought you wouldn’t be home until tonight.”

‘‘Did you want me to?’’ You couldn’t help but let your insecurities get the better of you and ask such a silly question.

‘‘Hm? Of course not, I like being home with you. Just figured out you’d be home later than usual because you were spending time with your friends.’’ You felt his head resting on yours then, bringing his aura closer to yours. Hoseok was aware of your constant doubts and worries, he had always been one of the few people in the world to make you feel like it was alright to be a little shy. He told you that it was just fine to take a bit more time to open up to people than usual, it didn’t make you a bad friend at all, is what he had always tried to convince you.

And that’s one of the things that you liked most about him. He was the complete opposite of you, always getting along with everyone he met and being the bright piece of sunshine he was. Everything he did seemed to be natural to you. And yet, he still understood your worries, even though he had nothing to relate to, he was the one who was able to wipe a few of your worries away.

He was everything you ever wanted to be. You wanted to be just like him sometimes. It came to a point where you started to adore him, trying to pick up some of his habits, from talking to strangers to talking to a few of his closest friends.

‘‘Or did you not have fun?’’ Hoseok continued, smoothly trying to ask you about your day.

‘‘No It was fun, Hobi. Don’t worry about it.’’

There were a few moments of silence exchanged, the only sound coming from the television in front of you. He didn’t want to push you to open up about something you weren’t comfortable talking about, but he also didn’t want you to keep it all to yourself. ‘‘What is bothering you, then?” He couldn’t help but ask.

Another moment of silence passed by. You didn’t know if you should deny your feelings right now, but on the other hand, he could read you like an open book. There was no luck in pretending.

‘‘Do you think I’m a bad friend?’‘ You asked him softly, not wanting to hear how pathetic your voice sounded right now.

He had this idea that this was the thing bothering you. You didn’t seem as excited when you walked inside the apartment today, and he was able to recognize that sad look on your face better than anything else.

He knew that you didn’t want to talk about it because you were worried about bothering him with your bombarding words. But in all honesty, he wanted nothing else than offering you the most assuring comfort possible.

‘‘No. I think you’re an amazing friend.’’ He answered then, and you couldn’t help but plant another lump in your throat. ‘‘I would be packing my clothes and live somewhere else right now if it wasn’t for our friendship.’’

You smiled a little at that. ‘‘You’re only saying that to spare my feelings.’’ Your voice sounded hoarse as you played with your fingers, the volume of your voice going softer each time you spoke. ‘‘I know I’m troubling you with my worries, I didn’t want to bring it up again..’’

‘‘Hey,’’ he said then, disregarding his frame from yours, only to make you look at him a second later. ‘‘Your worries are not silly, they’re very reasonable. But don’t ever question our friendship to be one sided again, you know I love you. I love hearing your thoughts.’’

Hoseok gave you a somewhat stern look, wanting you to be aware of his side of your assumption. ‘‘I know you can’t help feeling this way, but you should know that you’re an amazing friend. My best friend, even.’’

‘‘Yeah I know, Hobi.’’

‘‘I don’t think you do.’’ He showed you a small smile, ‘‘come here.’’ Your friend pulled you closer to his side, going back to your previous position on the couch, but holding you tighter in his embrace this time.

‘‘Look at this beautiful friendship we’ve created the past few years. That wasn’t just because I wanted to spare your feelings. That was because I love you being my friend.’’ He told you as you drew invisible circles on his denim jacket, ‘‘Be a bit kinder to yourself, would you? You try to keep everybody satisfied with the love you give them, but what about yourself?’’

‘‘I don’t know how..?’’ you trailed off, not exactly knowing what he wanted you to do now.

‘‘I want you to show yourself a bit more respect. You can’t always satisfy everyone, it’s a part of it. You should love yourself a bit more instead of constantly worrying about your every move.’’

You hummed at his words, knowing that it sounded easier than it actually was. As if he could read your thoughts again, he spoke, ‘‘But don’t worry, we’re going through this together. As best friends should.’’

#anon: request #jung hoseok #jhs #BTS request #bts fic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fanfic #hoseok #hoseok angst #hoseok drabble #bts drabble #hoseok fluff #bts fluff #bts au #bts #bangtan #hoseok x reader #bestfriend hoseok #best friend hoseok #bestfriend!hoseok #roommate hoseok #roommate bts

[winnipegpatty]

untimely conversations | s.m. one shot

a/n: this if for the anon that requested shawn and reader get in a fight at his parents house. this is 3k full of nice angst. please send me your feedback and check out my masterlist and also consider buying me a ko-fi if you enjoyed it (links in the bio)!! love youuuu!

“My parents want to have dinner with us this week?”

They were cuddled together in bed on a Wednesday night, and Shawn was tired from the studio work he’d been doing early in the week.

“Sounds nice,” Y/N replied groggily, “Haven’t seen them in a while.”

Shawn nodded before yawning, “Just been so busy.” His voice was quiet and heavy with sleep.

She nodded against his shoulder before she kissed it lightly. She started drawing small patterns on Shawn’s stomach, liking the way his stomach rose and fell with his breathing. They were quiet for a while, and Y/N was sure he must have gone to sleep, his breathing having evened out slightly.

“If my mom mentions an engagement,” Shawn said softly after a while, “just, don’t get upset, okay?”

Her fingers stilled against his chest, going completely flat over his heart, “Why would she ask about that?”

Shawn sighed, turning slightly so that he could see Y/N’s face. “Well, you know Karen,” he said using his mother’s first name. “She’s a little traditional in some respects, and she’s just, uh,” Shawn stammered for a moment, unsure of his words.

“Shawn,” she wandered, “What’s going on?”

“We’ve been together for almost three years, and living together for a year a half, and I think she’s just getting tired of waiting around for it to happen.” Shawn let out a breath, slightly blowing over top her head.

“Did she actually mention this, or are you just assuming?” Y/N tilted her head up slightly to look at Shawn’s as they lie side by side.

“Not exactly, but she hinted strongly, you know how mothers do.”

Y/N was silent for a while. The truth was, she had to agree with Karen. It’s not that she had expected Shawn to propose quickly or anything, not at all. Especially not with the life he lived. He had to be cautious with who he let in, but the question of whether or not to let her into his life had long since passed. She’d squeezed her way into every aspect of Shawn’s life. He wrote songs about her, brought her on tour often, talked about her in interviews. She’d met his family years ago and was a regular in his friend group at this point. She was sure after moving in together that it would be the next step, but they’d been living together for a year and a half and there hadn’t been any progress in that area. And she wasn’t exactly upset with Shawn about this. She loved Shawn and enjoyed the life they spent with each other. But Karen’s expectation for them to get married wasn’t entirely far fetched.

“Well,” she finally spoke, “I won’t get upset.”

Shawn nodded before leaning down and kissing her lips lightly, whispered his love to her in the quiet of the night. They fell asleep not to long after, both completely bone tired from a hard days work.

___

Friday came around, and the dinner with Karen and Manny was set to start in thirty minutes. Y/N was still struggling to find the right outfit, something cute and dressy but not too cute or too dressy.

“Which one?” She asked Shawn, coming out of the closet holding up two vastly different ensembles.

Shawn, not looking up from his phone where he was typing furiously, “Either is great, babe.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “You didn’t even look, Shawn.”

Shawn, reluctantly pulling his eyes away from his phone, looked at the two options before saying, “Left,” and then returning to his phone.

“You sure that’s not too...sexy?”

Shawn huffed, “Y/N, I don’t care. My parents aren't going to care. They love you, just pick one.”

She turned, frustrated with Shawn’s lack of help, and returned to the closet, eventually choosing a completely different outfit all together. Ten minutes later she emerged from the closet, ready to go. She grabbed her clutch from the bedside table and asked Shawn if he was ready.

“Mhmm,” Shawn mumbled, standing up robotically as he followed her out of the condo on autopilot, reaching the car in no time.

The drive to the Mendes household was quick and quiet, as Y/N stared out the window, watching as they slowly left their familiar surroundings of downtown Toronto and headed towards the land of suburbia, Pickering.

“Andrew wants me in the studio all day tomorrow,” Shawn said as they hit the halfway mark between Toronto and Pickering.

Her eyes left the window and snapped to Shawn, shocked. “What? It’s Saturday Shawn, and you’ve been there all week!”

Shawn sighed, tapping the steering wheel, “I know. But recording is almost done, and he doesn’t want to have to have to book another week.”

Y/N looked down at her lap, flicking at her chipped nail polish. “I thought, maybe we could do something together tomorrow though…”

Shawn glanced over apologetically, “I know, I know… Saturdays are usually our day together, but I’m sorry. You know what Andrew wants, he gets.”

“It’s not just Saturday, Shawn…” She trailed over quietly.

“There’s nothing I can do. It’s out of my hands, I just wanted to let you know.” Shawn responded, frustration lacing his tone.

Looking back out the window where a light snow had begun to fall, Y/N stayed silent for the rest of the drive trying not to think about the fact that Shawn seems to have completely forgotten their third anniversary.

Once they’d made their arrival, Karen and Manny greeted them warmly, welcoming them into their home and bringing them out of the cold snow.

“How are you doing, baby?” She asked Shawn sweetly as she kissed his temple lightly.

“Good, work has been crazy, just really tired lately.”

She nodded in understanding before pulling Y/N into a hug, “And how you are, darling?”

Y/N hugged her back lightly, nestling her head into her shoulder searching for a sense of comfort, “I’m doing fine,’ she finally responded, pulling back slightly.

Karen eyed her for a moment before replying with a sharp nod, “That’s good.”

Manny got the two of them drinks, and together the four of them wandered into the living area, each finding seats around the room, Y/N sitting next to Shawn, but not touching. Their legs weren’t pressed against each others like they normally would be, and Shawn eyed Y/N for a moment where she was sat. He decided to not say anything, instead turning his attention to his parents.

“How’s Liyah?” He asked.

“Oh you know, just being a teenage girl,” Karen smiled sweetly.

Manny sat up, leaning slightly towards Shawn, “You know she started looking at universities last month.”

Shawn’s eyes widened, “What? No. Already?”

“Well she is almost seventeen, love.” Karen laughed.

“Don’t remind me,” Shawn grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What schools is she looking at?” Y/N asked, entering the conversation.

“Mostly local stuff, but she is looking at a few in Montreal and BC. And two in the States and one in London.”

Shawn’s jaw dropped, “Why does she even need to look at so many schools?”

Karen laughed, “It’s early in the process honey, she’s just looking at lots of options. She’ll narrow it down when it gets closer.”

“Li is so smart,” Y/N whispered, almost as though she were talking to herself, “She could do anything.”

Karen smiled softly at the young girl, “She is a bright one. We got very lucky with our two.” She directed her smile at Shawn, who was probably already blushing. Y/N didn’t know though because she was only looking at her lap, thinking about how lucky she thought she was for having someone like Shawn. Wondering where they went wrong and lost communication.

At dinner, Manny and Shawn carried most of the conversation, with Karen and Y/N only piping in for a few one liners here and there. But Y/N was content in her quiet place. Retreating to the back of her mind, that’s where she liked to be anyway. It was the place where people couldn’t hurt her, she could really only hurt herself.

“So, Y/N,” Karen asked later in the evening. Their plates almost empty and they were finishing their second glass of wine. “Are there any big plans coming up for you?”

She watched Karen for a moment, not entirely sure what she meant. “No,” she answered, “Just the usual at work. We’ve got a pretty big case right now that we’re working on, trying to find a good stable home for one particular kid who’s been in and out of homes for a while.”

Karen hummed sadly, “That must be hard, seeing so many kids living rough childhoods.”

She nodded, “It is, but we’re there to help and to try and connect as many kids as we can with stable, loving homes.”

“Do you ever think about having kids of your own one day?” Karen asked innocently.

“Mom--” Shawn warned, stepping in immediately.

“What?” She raised her hands, looking at Shawn. “It’s a simple question, with absolutely no relation to you, unless you’ve changed your name.”

Shawn rolled his eyes, looking at his girlfriend, “You do not have to answer her if you feel uncomfortable.”

Y/N turned to Shawn, “Why would that make me uncomfortable?” She rolled her eyes at Shawn’s childish behavior before returning her gaze to Karen. “I’d love to have children eventually. But I don’t see it happening any time soon.”

“Well some things take…” Karen paused for a moment, glancing at Shawn, “Time.”

Shawn leaned back in his chair, groaning. “Mom, please you said you wouldn’t do this.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Shawn.” She took a sip of her wine.

“Shawn, it’s fine.” Y/N said, lightly placing her hand on his bicep.

“Is it such a crime to wonder whether or not my own son plans on ever getting married?” Karen directed the question to Manny, who wisely stayed completely silent on the manner.

“Mom!” Shawn shouted, frustrated. “We have talked about this so many times, why do you always have to bring it up. Just stop! Y/N doesn’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it. You don’t need to ruin the evening with this conversation every goddamn time we come over!” Shawn huffed, running a hand through his hair.

Y/N coughed uncomfortably, saying quietly, “Well, I’m perfectly fine discussing it.”

Shawn’s pupils flared, studying his girlfriend for a moment, not entirely sure why she was being so difficult right now. Shawn just wanted this conversation to move forward, but it seemed that everyone in the room was working against him. “What do you mean?” He criticized.

“I’m just saying,” she breathed out, “that it’s not an entirely unfair question ask.”

Shawn grinded his teeth. “You want to talk about this here, right now, in front of my parents?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” she explained. “I’m just saying your mom is right to wonder when you might want to get married considering you’ve been dating your girlfriend for three years. Or did you forget that it’s been three years?”

If there ever was someone who resembled one of those cartoon characters with steam coming out of their eyes and their face burning red, it was Shawn right now. Y/N had never seen Shawn quite so livid, but frankly she didn’t really care.

“So what? You wanna get married?” Shawn snarled. “We can get married.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and didn’t bother responding.

“No,” Shawn said, completely on edge now. “You want to talk about this? Let’s fucking talk, Y/N! You want to be a goddamn brat and demand that we discuss this in front of my parents, then let’s do it.You want kids too, I know you do. So how many? Do you already have their names picked out?”

“Shawn, that’s enough.” Karen said, finally stepping in.

“It’s fine, Karen.” Y/N whispered, defending herself, but still not responding to her boyfriend.

“No, it’s not,” Karen reprimanded, looking towards her son. “We never taught you to speak to women like that.”

“Give it a rest, mom.” Shawn said, standing up from his chair, pointing his finger at her defensively. “You started this in the first place. I told you not to bring this shit up, and you did it anyway.”

“Shawn,” Karen warned, equally as defensive as his son. She was ready to make any war he waged.

“Karen, really,” Y/N said trying to defuse the tense situation, “It’s fine. It’s very clear that Shawn doesn’t want to discuss marriage or anything of the like. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with me.”

“No, no. That’s not it.” Karen said in a calm motherly tone, trying to reassure the younger woman of her worth.

“Maybe that is is.” Shawn whispered, refusing to meet Y/N’s gaze.

Karen’s eyes snapped to Shawn, filled with anger. Manny’s weary gaze watched as Y/N’s eyes welled up lightly, she coughed trying to cover her hurt.

“I am not ready to get married, why is that so unacceptable?” Shawn wondered.

“It’s not,” Karen said in a stern, but calm voice. “What’s unacceptable is your current behavior and the way you’re speaking to your girlfriend, whom you’re supposed to love. If you’re not ready to get married, that’s perfectly alright. You’re both young. You have a lot going on in your careers. But if you’re unable to speak to your girlfriend in a calm, not demeaning manner then I believe I’ve completely failed you as a mother. You should never feel comfortable speaking to Y/N like that under any circumstances.”

Shawn looked down at his feet, shuffling uncomfortably. It had been a long while since he’d had a disappointed mother speech, but he’d recognize the tone in her voice anywhere. It was the kind of speech that tore your gut apart from the inside out with worry because you’d managed to disappoint your mother. There were very few feelings worse than this one.

“You need to apologize to her.” Karen spoke again.

“Mom,” Shawn moaned, “I’m not a five years old anymore.”

Karen’s eyes widened, “Could have fooled me.”

Shawn’s shoulders hunched over in embarrassment, finally looking at Y/N. He held his hand out to her, ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut when he finally saw that she’d been crying. “Can we talk?”

Y/N took his hand, following him down the hall and into his childhood bedroom. Shawn closed the door behind them, leaning against the door. Their hands, still lightly clasped together, hung loosely between the two of them.  

“I’m sorry!” Shawn whispered.

“Saturday’s our three year anniversary,” Y/N rushed at the same time Shawn spoke.

“Wait what?” Shawn asked, eyes wide in shock.

Y/N’s lip wavered, knowing Shawn really had forgotten. “Our three year, it’s tomorrow. And you didn’t even remember.”

“No, it can’t be it’s not even…” Shawn trailed off, thinking back on what month it was and how far they were into the month before he let out a, “Fuck.” He hit his head back on the door. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

Y/N tugged on his hand, turning to face him on the door. “I don’t care that you don’t want to get married. Or that you don’t want to get married right now. Or have children or whatever. We haven’t talked a whole lot about those things, and I’m perfectly fine with that. But when you didn’t remember our anniversary, it killed me a little bit inside. Shawn, I know that one day I want to marry you. I know that one day I want to have your kids. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are the only person for me. There’s no question in my mind. I don’t care when those things happen. They could happen tomorrow or in thirty years. I just know that there’s not a single day I want to live without you. And you forgetting something like that, really makes me question if you like that towards me or if I’m just a familiar comfort for you.”

Shawn reached out, cupping her cheek. “No, no please don’t say those things. They’re not true. I could never ask for anyone greater than you. There is no one more perfect for me than you. There’s no one else I think about, no one else I’d rather be with. It’s only you. And it’s always going to be you. You’re absolutely the person I see by my side at every major event in my life down the road.” Shawn rested his forehead against hers. “This is a fucking weak excuse, but it’s all I have. Work has been insane, and I should have put more priority on your and our relationship, but I didn’t. And for that I’m sorry. I am sorry for forgetting something so important. There isn’t an excuse that makes up for that. And I’m still going to have to go to work tomorrow, but I swear to god, I will make it up to you. Please  forgive me. For everything. For what I said to you like a fucking idiot, and for the way I’ve treated you over the past few weeks.”

Y/N pressed her lips against Shawn’s, savoring the taste of wine on his lips. “I forgive you,” she said as she pulled away. “And I love your parents, but can we go home now because I really don’t want to have to deal with aftermath of that situation we just created.”

Shawn nodded, chuckling lightly. “I second that. I don’t think my mom has ever been more disappointed in me before. Not even when I broke up with my first girlfriend over text message.”

Y/N cringed, “Shawn.”

“I know, it was bad.” He laughed lightly again. “I love you.” He said through a trail of kisses on her jaw.

“I love you too,” she whispered. “But the apology isn’t going to come quite as easily next time if you talk to me like that again.”

“Noted. Now let’s go home.”

tagging: @peacedolantwins2 @rosecth @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel @justanotherfangurl272 @yourwonderbelle (let me know if you wanna be added!)

#shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes #shawn mendes x reader #imagine #fic #fanfic #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes writing #my writing #mine #writing

[villainousvillains]

Loki x Reader - Lesson Four: It’s Important to Feel Comfortable

Requested by Anon: I have an idea for another aura fic where she is in a big battle with everyone else, and as she is almost killed by a bad guy, her aura pulsates like a supernova and sends everything in a ten foot radius flying! She doesn’t know how she did the aura pulse, nor does she have control over it, so another lesson ensues to try and master the pulse!

A/N: *whispers* I love this one so much. eep. Also this title took me 20 years to come up with and I don’t like it I’m sorry. It doesn’t do this fic justice. In the process I came up with a title for another “lesson” so. Request away so I can use it. And another also, I’m posting this at a different time than normal bc I just finished it and I want to get it out as soon as possible bc I love it but then I had laptop troubles but I’ll probably reblog it tomorrow to make sure ppl see it bc I’ve seen other writing blogs do that... phew I’m kind of a crazy mess right now but writing this aura reader made me feel a lot better.

Other aura reader stuff:

Lesson One: Know Who You’re Up Against

Lesson Two: Leave the Past Alone

Lesson Three: Choose Your Words Wisely

Introductions

Ghost

“Have I taught you nothing?” Loki’s annoyed voice rang into my ear.

“Essentially!” I spat back, wiping debris and sweat off my face. Loki had been pissing me off so much today, and the fact that I was losing every battle I engaged in did not help.

“Get away from that one; I’ll handle him,” Loki barked. I sat straight up.

“No! I got it!” My feet slid in the dirt as I stood up, but I managed. My head swirled when I got to my feet and it took me a few seconds to catch my breath, but I quickly reengaged with the guy I was fighting. He was a scrawny dude, but his weapon was the biggest problem. He kept knocking me off my feet and catching me off guard, not giving me a chance to recompose.

“Stay one step ahead of him! Don’t let-”

I shut my earpiece off with a short growl, and summoned my aura to launch my body into the air, shooting wing-like shapes into the air in the color of my aura. I dodged the shots fired at me with ease, then dove in, trying to knock the weapon out of his hands. My efforts were in vain, and with a huff, I hovered back up in the air. Before I had time to react, I felt a surge of pain throughout my body. My focus was interrupted and I fell to the ground with a thud. I looked down and saw I was wrapped in some electric wire that the guy had shot from his weapon. The more I struggled, the tighter it wrapped, and the more my vision got blurry. I summed my aura the best I could, but it kept fading away. I groaned in pain, but I wasn’t about to give up. With a final burst of energy, I shut my eyes, suddenly getting my second wind. I was overwhelmed with energy and auras, consuming everything that surrounded me, then I felt no pain.

My ears rang, and I slowly opened my eyes. The wires that had previously been causing me so much pain sat beside me in useless strands, but the more surprising thing I saw was the barren wasteland that now sat in front of me. I wheezed, trying to catch my breath, as I looked that the circle I had created in the dirt and debris around me. Every bad guy we had been fighting was on the ground, which was good, but so was every avenger who had been grounded. I saw Cap sit up, dazed, and Nat laying face down.

I threw my hand to my ear to turn my communications back on. “Loki?” I breathed. “Where are you? Are you-”

“Y/n, are you okay? You weren’t near that explosion, were you?” He called back, voice frantic.

“I… I think I was the explosion.”

. . . . . . .

I never wanted to move again. My legs were sore, my arms were sore, muscles I didn’t know existed where sore. It was awful. It had been three days since the mission and the soreness had only dulled a little.

I rolled out of bed like a burrito and walked to the kitchen for breakfast, wrapped in a blanket that made me feel secure. Loki was there as I walked in, like he usually was, eating the leftover breakfast casserole we didn’t even know who had made.

“Hey,” I muttered, opening the freezer, looking for sausage biscuits.”

“Hi,” he replied, his voice sounding slightly concerned, but I ignored it. He hadn’t spoken to me much since after the mission. He was probably still mad at me. I put the biscuits in the microwave and turned around to lean against the fridge, facing Loki.

“You’re still mad,” I stated.

“Extremely,” Loki grumbled, pushing his food around with his fork.

I pursed my lips and nodded. “You’re not exactly reacting the way I thought you would.” Loki took in a deep breath, pondered saying something, then didn’t. “I’d rather you yell at me.”

“I’m not going to scold you.”

“Well, you should do something. I don’t know. You’re being annoying.”

Loki let out a grunt, making my eyes widen, not sure why I had asked him to react normally. “You are… absurd!” he exclaimed. I licked my lips and pressed them together in nervousness. “You don’t listen to me, you haven’t been using any of the skills I’ve taught you, and now you refuse to use your powers at all because of what happened last time! And you won’t talk about it with anyone! Not even me.” The last part was more of a mutter than anything else, but the rest was what I expected to hear immediately after the mission. Except for the part about me not using my powers. I didn’t think he had noticed.

“I have used my powers…”

“A blatant lie? Really? You usually try to mask it more than that,” Loki hissed, all fired up now. He stood up in a huff and threw his plates in the sink.

“I’ve only been resting,” I said, trying again. Loki turned to face me with a scary smile.

“See? Now that’s more like it,” he said with false pride, pointing a finger at me. “That one is more difficult to see through because that’s a lie you’re also telling yourself.” I rolled my eyes, exasperated by his ability to see through me. “If you believe it, then so should I,” he continued. “But the problem for you,” He came close to me and put his hands on both of my arms, “is that I know you too well.”

I looked up at him then down as I let out a sigh. “I really don’t want to use my powers again. That was… something I didn’t know I could do, and if I trigger it again... “ I trailed off and looked at Loki for reassurance.

“We’re going to have another lesson,” Loki told me, and I shook my head, fear coursing through my veins. “We’re going to have another lesson because you need to get over this fear. You’re not going to hurt anyone.”

I trusted Loki with my life, but I absolutely did not believe him.

. . . . . . .

“Start with the small stuff until you feel comfortable again,” Loki instructed. My hands shook, and I hated it. I had never been afraid of my powers. Even when I was still with my parents and they were afraid, and I still couldn’t totally control it, I knew I would never hurt anyone with it. It wasn’t like a weapon I possessed. It was my aura. It was a part of me and a part of everyone. I wasn’t creating anything out of thin air, I was using what already existed.

“I really don’t feel comfortable at all, Loki.” I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with my powers. It suddenly hurt to look at the auras that surrounded me. I wanted to crawl back in bed.

“Alright. New approach,” Loki announced, rubbing his hands together, evil villain style. He looked around at the gym. “It’s a bit tight in here, isn’t it?”

I shrugged and nodded, but Loki didn’t even look at me for a response. His aura dashed to his fingers, swirling around his palm as he raised his arm. Slowly, he moved his arm, rotating his body around the room, and as he did, the entire location changed. We were suddenly in an open, grassy field. I looked at Loki, confused.

“Where-”

“It’s actually quite hard to explain, but you won’t hurt anyone here,” Loki answered, looking around at the open field, breathing in the fresh air.

“I could hurt you,” I pointed out.

“You won’t,” he replied, not a care in the world. “Now, let’s figure this out.”

He helped me get comfortable again. He let me lift him up, talked me through relearning illusions, flying, picking up inanimate objects.

“You feel better?” Loki asked as i guided myself back down.

“Yeah,” I replied, breathing hard. I had tried to do tricks in the air.

“You really need to better your stamina,” Loki observed.

I reluctantly nodded. “Yeah, I know,” I grumbled. “I’m using my energy, though. I can’t just… make more.”

Loki picked up a finger. “Ah, which reminds me. Do you have any idea how you created that… pulse? If that was all your own power, you should have passed out or-”

“No, I should have died,” I corrected him. Loki fell silent, but I didn’t let the air stay quiet for long. “I think I used the energy from the electric rope around me? Or just from the auras around me… I’m not really sure. It was a blur.”

Loki nodded along, thinking. “I have an idea.”

“I’m not doing that again,” I said, stopping any plan he was forming.

“You need to know how to control it and how to do it,” he told me while I shook my head vigorously. “It could be very useful.”

“No, Loki. If something goes wrong I don’t know what could happen.”

“You won’t hurt me.”

“I might!” I barked. “Once again, I don’t know-”

“I can protect myself.” Loki’s voice felt like he was putting a spell on me. So firm and confident but also soothing and gentle.

“You haven’t in the past,” I argued, thinking back to the two times I launched him across a room with barely any effort.

Loki tilted his head with a smirk. “You think I would let you push me over that many times and not figure out how to defend myself? Don’t forget our first lesson.”

“How could I ever?” I said dryly, shaking my head. “You only bring it up every five seconds.”

“Trust me,” Loki said, tilting his head down, forcing me to look in his eyes. “It’s better for you to do this.”

I bit the inside of my lip and looked around that the open, harmless area. “Fine!” I gave in. “Okay. Fine. Let’s do this. What’s your… stupid idea.”

Loki let out a laugh. “Alright. I’ll summon as much magic as I can. I’m not completely sure how the summoning works. Usually I just… do things, but I’ll try, then you use that energy along with some of yours to create the pulse.”

I sighed and nodded.

“But,” Loki continued, remembering something. “Not too much of your own.”

I continued nodding, then shook my arms out, getting ready. “Okay,” I breathed. “Okay, okay, I’m ready.”

Loki gave a short nod and shut his eyes. I watched him more intently than I every had. His aura became a deep green and flowed around him like a current. It was beautiful. I snapped out of it before I became to dazed and focused his energy the best I could. I felt awake again, like I had during the mission. Loki summoned so much power, it was almost more than what I had felt before. I shut my eyes, quickly becoming overwhelmed. What I previously had thought was just a second wind, I knew now was just pure energy. Pure aura. Whether it was Loki’s natural aura, his magical aura, or my own aura, I had it all. I felt a rush, then a familiar ringing in my ears that meant it was over.

My eyes stayed shut longer than they really needed to, but I almost never wanted to open them again. I was scared of what I might see. When I finally managed to open my eyes, I wasn’t too surprised. The grassy field was now mainly dirt and upturned plants. I whipped around, trying to find Loki, but he wasn’t where he had been.

“Loki,” I said, almost growling. He had promised I wouldn’t hurt him. He had told me he would be fine. If he even had a scratch, I was going to kill him. “Loki?” I called, louder this time.

“Here.” I heard a gravelly voice call from behind a small hill that used to be covered in grass. I ran over to the voice despite my legs being jelly. I jumped to the bottom of the small hill and found Loki there, on his back, face covered in dirt.

“You said you wouldn't get hurt!” I screamed, angrier than I had ever been. “Fuck, Loki, you said!”

“I’m fine!” He assured me, trying to sound confident but it failed when he grimaced slightly as he sat up. I fell to his side, conflicted between being concerned or furious. “I’m really fine. It happened more suddenly that I thought it would, so I was just a bit late in deploying my shield.”

“I swear to god, Loki, I’m so pissed right now I just-” I growled through clenched teeth. Loki laughed and put his hand on my arm. I glared at him in response.

“That was impressive,” he said, looking at me in admiration.

“Thanks,” I muttered in response. “I don’t like doing it.”

“But now you know how. It could be-”

“Very useful, I know.”

Loki nodded and looked down, then back at me. “No one is going to force you to use it. We don’t have to tell the others about this.”

I licked my lips. “I’d rather not.”

Loki and I looked at each other in understanding and in… something else that I couldn’t pinpoint.

“You have so much dirt on your face,” I said with a small smile. Loki only kept staring at me, one eyebrow ever so slightly cocked, as if I hadn’t said anything. I cleared my throat. “Hello? Earth to Loki?” I  waved a hand in front of him, snapping him out of whatever trance he had been in.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Shall we return?”

I nodded, eyebrows furrowed, and he put us back in the gym within seconds. Loki’s aura was still fairly active as we stood up, and mine was as well, despite having recovered from my aura pulse. But it was strange because I didn’t feel energetic or frantic or overwhelmed like when I was about to release the pulse.

I suddenly reached my arm out and grabbed Loki’s sleeve, forcing him to look at my distraught facial expression. “Oh my god,” I said, heart racing. “I forgot my sausage biscuits in the microwave.”

Another A/N: Okay wait wouldn’t “Pulse” be a cool superhero name for aura reader? Maybe that’s just me? Idk I feel like that’s pretty damn cool.

TAGGED:

@sarahivi @ilvermornyqueen @gladerb5 @tbetz0341 @1800-fight-me @nowitsyourturntocry @lokilover2000 @emergenciesstory @savemealoevera @frostymoon11 @stayfrosty-royalsunshine @scarred-neptinite @phonegalhelp @cruisingheightswithdragons @lusty-loki @ourdeliciousfoxcollector

#loki #loki x reader #loki imagine #loki fanfiction #loki x aura reader #aura reader #aura!reader #loki x aura!reader #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel fanfcition

[savetimeless]

Lucy get's severly hurt in a mission and Wyatt blames himself and freaks out for it.

anon i told you to watch this space but even i didn’t think i’d have this out so soon thereafter filling the last prompt like this one. 

nevertheless, here we are, and i hope you all enjoy. 

also send me more prompts bc my inbox is empty :( 

inspired by the 100 s2, and jamie lannister, GoT 

with my feelings on fire (guess i’m a bad liar) read on ao3!

Wyatt is halfway throughcleaning the action of his gun when Flynn sits down in the seat opposite him.

Neither speak.

Wyatt, while perhaps beingthe one who could understand Flynn’s past the most empathetically, had neverbeen able to connect with him.

Lucy had been the one topush them all to break Flynn out all those months ago, having cared enough tomastermind the entire plan herself. Rufus, God love him, had put consideredeffort into befriending the guy, after a few days of stony silence andwithering glares. Even Denise, who they had purposefully avoided telling theywere gonna spring Flynn, had somehow come around and now they could begenerally found sharing breakfast, however quiet it was.

Wyatt, however, had madeno effort what so ever to talk to him. After upending his entire stable thoughfairly miserable life, Wyatt couldn’t bring himself to befriend Flynn. Forgivehim, maybe. Protect him, well, it came with protecting Lucy, apparently. Talkto him? He didn’t want to.

So he keeps cleaning hisgun, head down, and doesn’t open his mouth.

“I know you love her.”

The gun slips from hishand as he looks up sharply.

“What?” he snaps.

“Lucy. I know you’re inlove with her.”

Wyatt grits his teeth,picks his gun back up. Not speaking. He doesn’t want to talk, especially not about this. Flynn stayssitting, silently, patiently, just waiting for Wyatt to answer, and he won’t,because he doesn’t owe this guy anything.

“No.” Wyatt slams the gundown, more forcefully than called for. “No, you know what? You don’t get to askshit like that. I helped you, you fucked life up for me, so, no, you don’t get to sit hereand ask that and expect me to talk about it like we’re five years old.”

Flynn inclines his head.“I wasn’t asking.”

Wyatt stands, his chairscraping loudly, and everyone looks over to them. Rufus looks surprised at thenoise, mostly, and Lucy is concerned, and Denise looks like she just doesn’twant to deal with a fight, but Wyatt’s angry so he doesn’t sit back down.

He does speak lowly,though, because he doesn’t want the conversation to be overheard.

“Don’t you ever, ever presume you can talk to me aboutpersonal things again.”

“Actually,” Flynn sayscasually, “it isn’t personal.”

Wyatt is so bewilderedthat he actually further engages in the conversation, which, later on, he’llregret deeply.

“How – how is that not personal?”

“I need to protect themission, and your feelings jeopardize that.”

Somehow, Wyatt has becomeso angry that he’s invested in the conversation, so he sits back down.

“And how do you figurethat?” Yeah, maybe he’s admitting its true, maybe he isn’t (it is true).

Flynn leans forward, likehe’s eager now. “Love breeds weakness, Logan. It is only going to cloud yourjudgment and you will make wrong decisions. You are emotional, are you not? Iknow what you did for your wife, going back to 1983 and killing an innocentman. What’s to say you won’t do something equally as rash to save Lucy?”

Wyatt pauses, lets that sinkin, and drums his fingers on the table while he considers his response. ThatFlynn thinks he loves Lucy the way he loved his wife is … it takes hisbreath away, honestly. He hadn’t considered what it could grow to be, had justrecognized it for what it was and let it grow. Now, in retrospect, he thinks heprobably should have tried to stop it.

Because would he go backin time, completely jeopardize the mission, just to kill an innocent guy if itmeant he could protect Lucy?

Yeah. He would.

And it’s terrifying.

Finally, he says, “A bithypocritical, considering what you do in the name of love.”

Flynn sits back, as if hehadn’t considered such a response. Wyatt knows he has, though, and perhaps that’s why he hadn’t wanted to talk tohim; because Wyatt was used to being the smartest guy in the room, but Flynnhad always been one step ahead of him. He doesn’t like feeling out of control.

“I think, Wyatt, that thatis the precise reason I know what I’m talking about.”

Wyatt raises an eyebrow.

“This love … makesmonsters of us all. Changes who we think we are, or, at least, turns us intosomething we wouldn’t be otherwise. It makes monsters. It’s a weakness.”

Wyatt thinksFlynn’s right.

Wyatt puts the conversationto the back of his mind.

It’s not until they’remid-mission and everything has gone to shit, a massive argument with Lucybehind him and Flynn glaring at him pointedly that it comes back to him.

Love is a weakness and it makes monsters of us all.

He was willing to endangerall members of the team, as well as more civilians than necessary to get thejob done, when it could be easily avoided by sending Lucy in as recon.

She had been the one tosuggest it, and it was what their fight had been about.

(“Why can’t you just letme do this? What, do you not trust me? Because I’m only a history nerd I’m notgood enough to do this?”

“No, Lucy, please just - .. . I can’t lose you too, okay?”)

It’s with that in mind,that he says, “Lucy, you need to go in for recon.”

Everyone looks a bitsurprised, because he had been so adamant before, but they agree fast enough.

As they’re prepping to goin, Lucy pulls him aside. “Are you okay with this? Someone else can –“

“It’s a Woman’s Club,Luce, only you can go in. And we all know how important this is, they’re goingto protect a lot of assault victims, so we need to do this, so Rittenhousedon’t screw it up.”

She shifts on her feet,uncomfortable. “Yeah, I know, but you said –“

“I know what I said,” heinterrupts. Over Lucy’s shoulder, Wyatt can see Flynn watching them closely,glaring pointedly. Wyatt feels his lips move, but can’t hear the words he neverthought he’d say. “I was being weak.”

Wyatt tightens his hold onFlynn’s throat. “This is your fault.”

Flynn doesn’t lookpanicked, though his grip is tight on Wyatt’s wrist, which only makes Wyattmadder and press harder.

“You, you and your love is weakness bullshit, and turns outI was right to be worried because now she’s – and you said –“

“So you’re gonna kill me?”Flynn groans out. “Monster.”

Wyatt grunts infrustration, but lets him go.

“Okay, we need to find herand –“

“She knows where she’ssupposed to meet us,” Flynn says, rubbing his neck.

“That was an hour ago!”Wyatt shouts.

Rufus puts a calming handon Wyatt’s shoulder. “We’ll find her, okay?”

They do find her. She’sbattered and bruised and sitting in a pool of her blood, but she’s alive.

She’s in a dark alley,propped up against a wall. She doesn’t move, and at first he thinks she’s deadand his heart stops. But she groans and shifts and his relief is so palpable sheopens her eyes.

“Wyatt?” she whispers.

He rushes to her side,gathers her in his arms. “Hey, hey, yeah, it’s me.”

He presses a kiss to hershoulder, then her cheek, then her hair. He cradles her face in one hand andlays his forehead against her temple.

“I thought you were deadand it was my fault,” he says hoarsely, his throat tight and tears in his eyesthat he rather wishes weren’t there but can’t do anything about. “I’m sorry.I’m sorry for what I said and – and you are not a weakness, you are my strengthand I lo –“

“Wyatt,” she interrupts,her voice weak and her breathing wheezy, “I’ve pictured this moment a thousandtimes and none of them included me bleeding in a dark alley, so can we do thiswhen we get home?”

He laughs then helps herup, slinging one of her arms around his neck while he supports her waist.

“Of course we can do it athome.”

It’s hard to get quiettime in the warehouse with six (sometimes seven, when Mason was there) peopleconstantly milling about, with little to no areas for privacy.

It’s especially hard tofind quiet time when the only ones with any type of medical training are he andDenise, with Mason sneaking in supplies when he could. It makes everyone tense,even though Lucy’s injury wasn’t as bad as it had seemed in the filed, and sohe and Lucy get about zero time alone in the next two weeks.

It’s when Denise finallysays she thinks they’re in the clear, that the wound is really starting to healand there’s no sign of infection that the others leave them alone.

Lucy announces she’s goingto shower, then inclines her head to him and winks and he’s pretty fuckingexcited. He follows her quietly, slips in after her.

The bathroom isn’t much,primarily a locker room with a few showers attached, but there are enoughlockers so everyone can store their stuff separately and there’s hot water fora few minutes a day so really, they could be doing worse for living in awarehouse.

She’s sitting on the benchthat runs through the middle of the room taking her shoes off when he gets in.

“Hey,” he says quietly. Hedoesn’t really know how to start the conversation now, it had all seemed sonatural to reveal it in the middle of danger, but now – now he has time tothink about it and he’s really nervous.

She seems to be willing towait for him to speak first, which is probably fair considering he was the onewho brought it up last time.

He realizes, all ofsudden, that he doesn’t actually need to say anything.

So he swings one leg overthe bench, so he’s straddling it, and puts a hand on her face. He leans forwardslowly, heart beating rapidly in his chest, but she’s the one that closes thedistance.

Their lips clash beautifully,teeth and tongue and heavy breathing. She slides closer, then goes up on herknees, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing their bodies togethertightly.

He’s really starting toregret sitting like this, but he kisses up her jaw to her ear and down thecolumn of her neck with single-minded focus.

She gasps when he mouthsat her collarbone, licking and sucking while a hand slides down to squeeze herass.

He kisses back up to herlips, and presses a couple chaste kisses against them.

She sits back on herheels, and he holds her jaw in his hand, his thumb running over her bottom lip.

“I’m in love with you.”

She smiles brightly,colour spreading on the apples of her cheeks.

“I love you, too.”

They kiss again, slow andeasy.

“I really do need to shower,though,” she says against him.

Wyatt grins and pullsaway. “My, my, is that an invitation, ma’am?”

She laughs. “Oh, I wish.We’d waste the next three day’s hot water.”

“That’s a lot ofconfidence in my ability.”

“Oh, you don’t think youcan keep up with me, old man?”

“We’re pretty much thesame age,” he says mockingly, a throwback to their first meeting.

“I’ve been told I’m a bitof a goddess in bed, Master Sergeant, so you’d better not disappoint.”

“Been told by who?” hescoffs. “You’re a history nerd, when have you ever been laid?”

“Oh, okay,” Lucy laughs.“I was gonna let you stay and watch, but just for that I’m kicking you out ofhere. Go on, out!”

He stands up, and pushesher up against the row of lockers. He rocks his hips into hers, and thelaughter dies on her tongue in lieu of a deep moan. He mouths at her neck andher fingers tighten in his hair.

“So I’ve had some time toreconsider my position,” she gasps, “and I’ve come to the conclusion that youmost definitely should come for a shower with me.”

Wyatt grins against herthroat, then kisses her deeply.

“Yes, ma’am.”

#timeless #timeless nbc #save timeless #anon #prompt #prompt fill #LYATT #lyatt fic #lyatt fic prompt #lucy preston #wyatt logan #garcia flynn

[feeltripping]

I came over from your iswet blog because I loved your clexa there, and was surprised at the clarke/lexa feeltripping content being so… explicit. And then things took a even darker tone with the trash universe with reshopgoufa. But i thought maybe you had been molested or raped and were working it out through creative writng. And then you started blogging about ftwd (maybe bc of reshopgoufa? Do you know what she’s posted about wlw fandom and defending whitewashing?)

and I just support with you anymore. I wish you’d go back to writing clexa like you did in bdtd. But I am sorry of the hate you got for some things, I’m just thinking you should acknowledge that non-con and incest shipping is going to get a backlash because those things are terrible, and perpetuating them hurts survivors. Which made me think maybe you aren’t a survivor, and then don’t get to use that pain because it’s trendy or fun with shockvalue.

maybe if you apologized and explained why you had an interest in those things, people would understand and stop sending you hate. sorry for my english.Okay, I get these fairly regularly and I never know if people are genuinely interested in a conversation, want an apology, are just venting, or what. I don’t want to… kickstart more things, but I will just say a few things in the hopes that it can all be laid to rest. I will start my saying I can firmly and easily delineate between fiction and real life. And that I have never claimed that these problematic things I engage in thinking about are correct or healthy or ideal or whatever. 

One tenant of trashverse has always been clear, and it’s that it isn’t romantic. It doesn’t end with a relationship, because it’s a power imbalance at the core. For example, I can’t read slavery aus or teacher/student aus because the power imbalance, coded as romantic has always immediately made me nope out. But when I see those (and those two aus are very popular, which is why I picked them as examples), I keep scrolling or pick something else to read. Because this part of fandom isn’t policed? That’s why tagging systems and blacklisting exist. Some people pointed out I didn’t tag clearly enough for the trashverse stuff, which I have gone back and fixed and do apologize for. If you feel like you need a stronger apology, you are welcome to contact me privately and say whatever you feel like you need to say. 

People who are far more articulate and intelligent than I have written about examined what/why/how people are interested in these topics, but I don’t really want to start all that, because I’m not interested in arguing and there’s no way I’ll be able to discuss it better than it’s already been discussed. I guess if you want to know my personal opinions you can send a clearer ask and I’ll try to answer it. I’ve never lied on here and maintain an open ask policy--of course I might say no if I don't want to talk about something, which is my choice?

Also fuck off with this weird ‘you were nice until you made friends’ rhetoric? And I don't know why people continually come here and try to talk shit about my friends and… what? Expect me to join in? They’re my friends, take your hate elsewhere. Also, if I can fucking vent for a second. i wrote two things for trashverse (I think. Maybe three.). And they are the posts of mine with the highest number of notes. I still get asks about it, regularly. And there was a whole lot of silence from y’all when people were sending the nastiest messages to ashlee.

For the ftwd ships, people contacted me saying it was started as a clexa blog and they didn’t like what content most interested me in ftwd. (I’m excluding a section of response, because I guess it isn’t relevant, but some of you act like I’m over here inventing shipgenres like wincest isn’t the biggest thing no one can escape from on tumblr dot com.) For one, any blogger can blog whatever they fuck they want, but I felt it was a fair thing to bring up that people followed this for clexa content and pretty porn. So I moved all ftwd off this blog. If you’re genuinely upset with me over… morals, I guess, then you can unfollow or block or do whatever you have to! Your blog experience should be whatever you want it to be. But I don’t understand the urges to come to my blog and continue to send asks. 

Lastly, it is not appropriate to come to my blog, or anyone else���s blog, and say that I need to explain in detail whatever experiences, traumas, or mental health shit that I have so you can “decide” if it’s valid enough to explain how I interact with media. If you have more to say, you can message me, or send asks off anon and I won’t post them on this blog. I don’t want to start a whole spam of discourse thing? But I just get these like clockwork.

#tw rape mention #tw trashverse #tw incest mention #people always say ashlee is to blame and i will have ALL of you know that i shared a headcanon with her the other day that had her shook :3 #i am me and i have always been me #AND I'M OLDER THAN HER #i still don't know if this was a good idea to respond? :/ #Anonymous #askme

[1dicta]

dicta do you have any larry fic recs? nothing specific but just any fic that you loved a lot? thank you, your opinion on fics means a lot to me, and i feel like you'd probably know the really good ones!

Oh my gosh anon I love the wording of this ask so much. I’ve been meaning to make a larry rec list for going on a year but it just feels so official/overwhelming? But this, fic I loved a lot??? I can absolutely do that!!! and aaaaah there are SO MANY!!! I am not as organized about larry fic as drarry fic so this is, basically, like, a list of fics that stuck in my brain and/or heart and that are all so so good. SO GOOD! (and tbh there’s a whole other list of stuff that i’d rec but would want to reread before attempting commentary, and I have so many things marked for later and like….yeah….there’s a lot of good fic out there) And really, what better rec is there than “this is a fic that stuck in my brain and/or heart”?? Everyone should read them all!!

an act of faith against the night by @elianefics​ - M, 65k - It’s a clear path, drawing itself in Harry’s mind – where they began, how they ended up here. It’s not hard to convey all the events that led them to this very moment, with all of their twists and turns, not when Harry has been going through them again and again every night, albeit searching for something else.  “Did you know?” When Harry replies, it’s a question, not an answer. “Did you know, that it would end like this?”[Harry and Louis had never imagined that, when they would finally go back to New York, it would be as spies.] (part two of the landscapes of war series)

The war from ‘a prayer for which no words exist’ (recced below!) is over, or at least as over as war can be for the people who were there, which is to say….not all that over, just taking different shape. I have endless love for the way this fic treats that aftermath, the way it shows how deeply and irreversibly harry and Louis were shaped by being fighters, and it is a stunning mix of beautiful prose and important ethical questions. It also does some really fascinating meta work with Simon Cowell, the Azoffs, and the Cordens taking on central roles in the post-war nation-building project. It’s a lot for one fic to do, and this one manages it beautifully, and throws in some more beautiful NYC cityscapes, heartaching and conflicted nostalgia, and taut but unwavering H/L love, you know, just for good measure.

another hazy may by deLILAh - M, 41k - louis is a terrible poet and harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance au ft. marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

It’s been over a year since I’ve properly read this all the way and I can still see parts of it as vividly as if it had been last night. Harry’s hair, cigarette smoke curling upwards, hardwood floors, the rhythm of Harry’s feet as he runs to stay in shape for the job that will take him away from Louis, the feeling of seconds slipping away, and each of them more precious for being so few in number. This is one of those fics that made me nostalgic for somewhere I’d never been - except who hasn’t felt as though time was moving simultaneously quickly and too slowly, as though there is something precious that could fall apart at any second? And that’s one of many things this fic does beautifully: gives us the universality of their story, and reminding us of our own.

Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart by @conscious–ramblings​ - M, 19k - Louis and Harry had been childhood best friends, but had been separated by evacuation as the city they grew up in was destroyed around them. Now, twelve years later, they are both back in London, and through chance they meet again. In a time when you can’t admit to being gay, for fear of arrest, admitting to your best friend that you love them seems like an insurmountable obstacle.Featuring boxer Harry and mechanic Louis, much pining, and a lot of post war Britain

There’s often a moment in fic where they’re trying to figure out if the other one is gay and/or available, that’s full of a certain kind of tentative hope because there’s some kind of attraction there and what if, what if it was everything they think it might be? This fic takes that to 11 in the most meaningful way, because it’s the 40s, and being gay is a crime, and it’s not a question of whether they’re reading the right signals - neither of them can afford to send any - but of trying to accept that it could never, can never be. Set against absolutely simmering chemistry (the moment Louis first sees Harry in the ring is a thing I’m still not over) and wonderful research and settings (loved the feel of it, the way it all came to life, how present the remnants of the war were as they went about their lives) and fab secondary characters (Niall is a gem, and Liam is so how I think of him, and really everyone was just perfect) and this incredible click where you can feel the ease and understanding between them, feel the sense that they are destined and absolutely belong together…it takes that tension and longing, already at an 11, to a 12, and the ending is cathartic and beautiful and means so much more for knowing how rare and lucky and precious that moment is, and how much they’re willing to risk, and how it’s kinds of risk that are sometimes very specific to being queer in a moment when it’s illegal and how many of them are universal, and how incredible and enormous and moving a thing it is when both kinds of risk pay off.

Don’t Look Down by zarah5 - M, 92k - AU. In which Louis is a solicitor at one of London’s most prestigious law firms and Harry happens to apply for the position as his trainee. And everyone else is around, too.

Harry is unbelievably charming here, and it makes total sense that Louis falls for him, and as the story unfolds the clarity and meaningfulness of their connection gets more and more apparent even as Louis is fighting it tooth and nail. But it’s not miscommunication and it’s not self-loathing, it’s that Louis’ reasons are genuinely thoughtful and important (professional ethics!!!!!! With real implications!!!!) and that they’re genuinely in a difficult position and can’t be together without betraying things that mean a lot to both of them, which made me love this version of him even more and root for them that much harder. And I was already rooting for them pretty damn hard. They fit together beautifully from the first, understand each other on so many levels, are drawn together just magically…and then there are these beautiful moments (Venice omg) and heart-wrenching moments (after that dinner and that one morning and then that other one omg) and hold-your-breath moments (what is Louis gonna dooooo) and heart-pounding momebts, and I could not put it down.

Fake you’re full and feel tomorrow by theglitterbee - NC-17, 21k - Louis is a high class prostitute and the best at what he does. Harry is a hard to please 17 year old who wants to give himself completely to another man. [It contains prostitution, d/s, daddy kink, silly banter and two idiots in love.](The one with the text messages.)

listen this is gonna sound like a weird rec but bear with me. this fic was one of the first 1d fics I read, and on face is almost entirely made of things i don’t like, and yet, here it is. It did that alchemical thing where it just worked and it did all these things really well - like daddy kink was 100% squick for me before this and it’s still like 80% squick but this fic explained it in such a way that i got it and could understand it and see why it worked for them and what it meant for them and that psychology made it work (and made me get why it was hot? which is pretty massive for something in the squick category). and i was hesitant about their ages but it wound up being (i think not unrealistically) part of a fundamental kind of self-discovery that was part of why things between them felt so critical and important. and i was v skeptical about social media stuff in fic but this one did it so well that i got it and felt like it really enriched the story and showed a particular kind of progress and dynamic in their interactions that needed to be done that way (and wound up being really cool and impressive). and i was nervous about the potential for the dynamics to not work but they are both full people who needed each other in this very specific way and fit together beautifully and it did some of the best stuff kink fics do imo, where the kink reveals something about who they are and what they need and why they work and who they are individually and together, and so here we are, a fic with tags i wouldn’t usually touch, reccing away and considering a reread. this kind of rec can be kind of ~, i know, but the tl;dr is that this fic is so good it overcame every hesitation and left me totally engaged and impressed and invested.

Hold Me Closer by balanceds - NC-17, 36.5k - Louis Tomlinson is one of the most promising dancers of the English National Ballet, on track to become the youngest principal dancer in the company’s history. That is, until forces conspire to significantly complicate his life, including: a surprise ballet, an unfairly attractive guest choreographer, and being pushed into a rivalry with his best mate. Featuring lots of wine, dancing, pining, and a happy ending.

I was so surprised when I looked up the word count for this bc I would have sworn it was at least twice as longc there is so much story, and so much development, and so many moments that stick that. Watching Louis come to terms with who he was as a dancer and and person was this beautiful process that was so rewarding to read, and it was unusual and fresh in this way I really want to talk about but really don’t want to spoil. Along the way there is spectacular chemistry, zayn and Louis taking on gay swan lake, so much yearning and despair and happiness and reckoning and growth, an amazing and deeply satisfying Simon moment, and one of those h/l relationships where they make each other strong.

like a boomerang by @youwilll​ - M, 52k - AU in which Harry gets trapped in a lift, Louis gets stuck in a Wednesday, and it’s always February 2nd. Until it isn’t.

This fic is so so utterly charming in like nine different ways. Harry and Louis slot together so beautifully you can practically hear the click, and then they do it again and again and somehow every time feels fresh and important, and through it all the stakes get bigger as Louis contemplates the meaning of their repeated day and all of these deep questions sneak in, and a bit of a mystery, and a bunch of self-discovery, and a bunch of personal growth as Louis learns and thinks, really thinks, about what he needs to do, and realizes how willing he is to do it. It was so perfectly balanced between being gentle and exciting, between destiny and action, between grand gestures and quiet moments, and it settled like a warm blanket and I looked forward to every chapter so much.  And then, at the end…it was one of those stories that made me want to add and place to my travel list because the relevant moments are so well located and satisfying that you just want to be there, and it captured this particular instant - the way it wound sound and smell and how the air would feel and the electricity of it - so vividly. Lovely through and through.

Love Is A Human Right by @conscious–ramblings​ - M, 41k - The one where Louis has spent years getting over his ex, Harry Styles, and was almost successful. That is until Harry is elected as an MP, and Louis is given the task of getting him to support an Act of Parliament. Through tears and arguments and a heavy dose of LGBTQ+ politics, their lives finally line up. Will Louis be able to forgive? Will they still want the same thing? It’s difficult to let go of five years of hurt, but even more difficult to be close to the love of your life and let them walk away again.

This fic is basically everything I want in a fic, but together so amazingly well that I would never be able to put into a prompt because it’s the *how* that makes it so perfect. I mean, politics, check, LGBTQ politics, check, larry, check, vivid settings, check, emotional stakes, check, pining, check, everything, check. But the kicker is the beautiful complexity to all of it, that the story really truly understands the complexity of coming out and why people  do and why they don’t and what it mean and how it works and the ways it plays out in queer communities, and these gay leads aren’t incidentally gay, but engaged in identity and politics in a way that feels true and resonant, and that manages to both say really important things about queer communities and tell a beautiful love story about coming to terms with who you are and what you stand for and how love shapes (but doesn’t always determine, and I love that about this fic too) your priorities. Then add some simmering UST and simmering RST (hot damn i mean really) and viscerally, deliciously painful pining and hilarious side plots (SGIL!! Ziam!! Nick’s guessing games!!) and a background story that had my heart twisting for them from the first and settings that felt so real they were popping back into my head for weeks and just…superb. Superb.

a prayer for which no words exist by @elianefics​ - M, 65k - “Louis is a few seconds away from blowing up a rather important section of the New York subway when he sees Harry for the first time.” (part one of the landscapes of war series)

War!AU in NYC! Another one that I will admit fit my interests beautifully but it’s the execution that makes it work so beautifully. From the second they meet, there’s an urgency and fragility to Harry and Louis’ relationship that is a perfect fit for the politics and the newness of it all. At the same time, their connection is so certain and solid, and whether they’re waking up in the Brooklyn penthouse loft that I am still not over or getting ready to run into battle, their love casts everything else into relief and brings out some of he human consequences to why people fight and what they have to gain or lose, and shows what all they’re risking. Left me breathless in the best ways, and so glad to have gone on this journey.

Pull Me Under by zarah5 - NC-17, 140k - AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career,  it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed  relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis’ favourite teammate, Liam as Louis’ agent, and Zayn as Liam’s boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.)

This was the fic that tipped me right over the precipice and properly into the fandom; how could I not rec it? Even if I wasn’t personally attached, how could I not rec it? It’s so bloody beautiful, watching Louis come to terms with the idea of being out, and to take steps towards it, and to see how his interactions with Harry change that and what develops between them. The pacing is amazing, the depiction of internalized homophobia is chest-tightening in the good illustrative moving way, the world is so immersive (like I went to get the link and 20 minutes later I was still reading and totally entranced), and their relationship 100% made my heart sing, in both the big triumphant moments and the little ones.

things have gotten closer to the sun by starseas - M, 49k - it’s strange, making the choice to face his past—it almost feels like he’s heading for the sun straight on, like he’s screaming come on and burn me, i deserve it.-when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

I’m not even entirely sure what to say about this fic that won’t give it away or send people running because here’s the thing: it is heartbreaking. It is worth it. It is sad, yes. It is also exhilarating and beautiful and about why love, platonic and romantic, makes the risks worthwhile, and how we know, viscerally know what is important to us. Real talk pt. 1: read it because I had terrible pms and really needed to cry. Real talk pt. 2: it worked, in that very particular way thar also made me sit and think about who and what is really important and had me sobbing in the best, most cathartic way. That lasting, deep way that’s making my chest a little tight just thinking about it, but that also means that I can smell the snow and feel the frost and see the brilliance of the sun and feel the boys’ love as - more - constant than the sun, and what the heck else could you ask for?

These Inconvenient Fireworks by mdasch and everydayslike - NC-17, 190k - Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one other eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

this is one of the top ten most affecting things i have ever read in my life. i don’t know how. i don’t know why. i do know that i couldn’t put it down for days and wound up finishing it in a blanket fort on a friend’s couch at 4am, literally doing that feet-kicking thing where you’re so full of feelings you can’t actually physically contain it but have to be quiet and still because the rest of the world is asleep during your emotional revelation. it restored my faith in love and hope. i am still not recovered from the thing on the soccer field at night before the train or the star tattoo or harry taking picture after picture or basically anything about it. clear your calendar if you have to but read this fic and then pls come talk to me about it because like i said i am deeply affected and possibly forever changed.

walk my days on a wire by sunshiner - M, 38.5k - Harry hums, staring at his hands in his lap, and Louis can still feel their smoothness, how solid they were in between his own. “Do you think it’s the same for us? Are we here only because of the likeliness of our jobs? Of our lives?”“We’re here because we have inventive managers,” Louis says, giving Harry’s leg a little nudge with his knee, but all that’s going around in his head is, I think I’d be in the same spot in every possible universe.  or, when actor Louis Tomlinson used to daydream about dating Harry Styles, this is not what he had in mind.

There’s this one moment in Cannes when they kiss and I both really want to talk about it bc it is amazing and really would not dream of talking about bc you have to go read it yourself. So like the summary suggests, they’re in a fake relationship, and they know that that’s what it’s supposed to be, but of course - of course - there’s more to it than that. Like instantly more in this way that you can feel rolling off the screen, that is about sexual chemistry but also a certain kind of very precious fitting together. Watching them see themselves through each others eyes is beautiful, as is seeing how much it means to them to have someone else who understands the pressured of this rarefied, panopticonic world of celebrity, and who loves and validates the ott celeb performer and the human underneath the facade. It’s interesting to read in the context of this fandom, and entirely universal at the same time - who doesn’t want a partner who can love them at their most extreme and most mundane, most accomplished and most afraid, right in the middle of a stadium or right in the middle of taking up the whole damn bed?

whispering of fields half-sown by @elianefics​ - PG-13, 7k - “And how ironic is it that even now, at the end of all things, Louis’ mere presence makes Harry want to believe that anything is possible again. That the earth isn’t close to collapsing on itself, that the tomorrows are bright and shining and full of promises. Harry hates Louis for giving him something to look forward to when the sky only keeps getting darker. Harry loves Louis for it. ”[All of his boys come back to him in the end, but it’s Louis, Harry has been waiting for all this time.]

heartbreaking, lush, moving apocalypse!fic wherein it is absolutely the case that through fire and water and earthquakes and ice, there is one person Harry needs by his side. There’s Liam and Niall and Zayn, too, and what it would mean for all of them to say goodbye, really goodbye, who they all are and what those friendships mean. And Louis. Oh, Louis. My eyes got mysteriously damp in the really good way, and it made me want to sit down and write just to make words like this. The conversation at the end of this stayed with me like whoa, and my chest is getting a little tight thinking about it again. That may make some people want to X it off the list; think twice before you do. This is worth it.

Young & Beautiful by velvetoscar - M, 227.5k - Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn’t stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

absolutely beautiful. so vivid i dreamt about it and then went and got a whole bunch of flowers and spent a while wandering around in fancy clothes just because it felt as though i was already living in the story so why not? And how could you not want to be part of this world that is complex and nuanced and subtle and gorgeous (which is not a way i expected to feel about a fic about rich kids btw but this fic makes them so full and the story so engaging that it happened and not only a little). Dimensional characters, wonderful tension, simmering slow burn, complexity, believable and complex psychological motivations,  theme parties, a falcon named cleopatrick, long nights, loaded touches, meaningful subplots, love, resilience. The only possible complaint is it made me want a champagne fountain, and that is not any sort of complaint at all. (lmk if you have a champagne fountain though, it’s been a few weeks and i am really still about wanting to live inside this fic, and also champagne)

#anon i am sorry i took so long but this was so much fun to do!! THANK YOU for this lovely ask!! #larry #larry stylinson #larry fic #larry fic rec #larry rec #larry recs #larry fic recs #yay asks! #dcrecs