#i did a tags recap down on the notes and wrote a bit of

[littlelightfish]

This... this is a whole different kind of psychic damage here. When nightmares got Marcille, we get to knew that her's biggest fear is outliving her friends. This isn't even canon probably, but look at this. This isn't a "I don't want my friends to die" kind of dream. This is a "I'm terrified of loosing my daughters, of something killing them, and being incapable of stopping it" kind of dream. It's so simple yet it explains perfectly the whole of chilchucks character. He loves, he cares, deeply. But he, or doesn't acknowledges, or doesn't know what to do with that knowledge.

Besides that. Someone had to wake him up after this. Imagine the devastation in this man after he wakes up. He just saw his three little babys murdered corpses (or maybe he saw them die, wich isn't better). He would possibly not talk about it, and that would worry the hell out of the party, because we'll, they see him all down and only one of them knows what he saw. Imagine being the one to pull him from that nightmare. Seeing this man, usually so composed, fuking staring with tears and terror in his eyes to the composes of what you can only assume are his daughters. It would be heartwrenching.

Idk, I love this man so much...

#dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #if someone wants to write a fic on this #@ me #PLEASE I WANT TO SEEEE #or dm me so i actually see it #please #if someone makes something of this post... #swnd me an ask with a link #this post exploded i cant with all the notifs #i wouldnt know if someone @'d me #i did a tags recap down on the notes and wrote a bit of #chilchuck angst #for the simps out there #my shit

[piraticalarchive]

okay so for everyone who hates big corporations and management who takes advantage of their employees.. this one’s for you. it’s long but .... i find it completely hilarious.

so a brief recap: amy got fired back in march from a huge international retailer, yes? when things first started like they were going south, i worked on really re establishing a relationship with my brother who is like one level below C-suite (cfo, ceo, etc etc) of that same company because i had an idea in mind. March rolls around, amy gets fired .. and I’m like .. okay. time to put this in motion. but stress and depression obviously took the motivation away from me, but i continued to keep that line of communication up with my brother. we started talking weekly, sometimes twice a week via an actual call. well, i’m finally feeling better .. so this week i finally put my plan in motion. here’s how it went

stage 1: i sent a text to my brother asking if i applied to the store in my area if i could use him as a reference. he said, of course but every store is hiring so i’d look at any store besides that one. (which is already fucking hilarious but i digress) ... so i call the store and one of the managers who sat in on amy’s firing answers when i ask to speak to someone involved in hiring (oh lucky day). I start off with “hi! I’m sorry to bother you, but I’ve been looking for a job thats a bit of a change of scenery and my brother is the *insert position name* and works in *insert headquarters location* and he recommended i give the company a try despite that I had a less than stellar experience last time”. And this manager FALLS OVER telling me they are hiring for so many positions blah blah blah and then at the end when i’m like “thanks for the information! I’m definitely going to apply!” she’s like “of course! I’ll give our hiring manager your information so she can pull it immediately. Whats your name?” and i give my name and suddenly its just dead fucking silent... because they know who I am and they know that I’m in a relationship with amy and that i know what they did. But she recovers and is like ‘can’t wait to see your application!’ .. so.. okay. stage 1 was a success. but then, enter...

unexpected event: the store manager himself calls me. Starts off with some small talk, finally gets around to saying ‘so I hear you’d like to come back and work for us? I was looking at your previous application and I didn’t see any mention of the relation you talked about when you called”. And I’m like “oh, yeah... I don’t like using stuff like that because I’d prefer to get in on my own merit  and skills and not by a family member’s position. Plus its like that show undercover boss, you know? I get to see what the place is like before they know. BUT given with what happened to amy, I was unsure if I’d even be considered without a reference like that” and he laughs nervously and is like “i totally get it. So did anyone know that you had a brother in that position?” and I’m like “oh i mentioned it once in passing to [amy’s manger] but I just said my brother was in corporate and there are a lot of levels so i think he just left it at that” and the store manager is like ‘haha yeah different levels but thats like ... its own level...” and we talk a little bit and he’s like “what made you want to come back?” and I’m like “like i mentioned before, the amy thing really threw me off. I was angry and the good thing about siblings is you don’t have to sugarcoat stuff. So I went to my brother and was like this is how you treat people?? are you kidding?? what about job security?? and i sent him the picture amy had snapped of her discharge papers where it listed the reason and he told me that, and everything else I yelled at him about,  wasn’t the company’s way and that the store had seriously violated something. So for one, I now know that isn’t actually something that should have happened and  two, i inadvertently brought this store to corporate’s attention and there are a lot of good people who work here, and they don’t deserve the consequences of that, so I want to help make it right” and he’s fucking sweating yall, I can hear it over the phone. and he’s like “fill out your application and put whatever you want down and we’ll call you and talk about positions and we can find a way to give you what you want” and I’m like “oh, don’t tell me that nick because your chair is looking awfully good right now” and he did a nervous laugh. SO, unexpected event made my plan even better. Then we get to:

Stage 2: I apply. I check literally every management position, including the one they fired amy from and also some hourly positions and put down ridiculous hours. I pass the manager test with flying colors and when it asks why i said i want to be a team trainer i wrote down ‘thanks to knowing the home office, i know how things should work and I want to help this store raise its position in the district and I know what policies aren’t being followed to help make that raise smoother.” I submitted the application, called the first manager I had spoken to and told her I had done so and she was like “I’m sure we’ll give you a call tomorrow!” ‘Tomorrow’ came and by 7 that night, they hadn’t contacted me. So I went to the ‘we’re hiring’ image they had posted on their facebook page like an hour previously and tagged my brother and was like ‘dude this is one of the positions at my store i was telling you about. think i could pull it off?” AND BAM ! they sent me a request for a phone interview at 8am the next morning. I scheduled my interview for later that afternoon at 2:45 and we enter Stage 3.

Stage 3: Amy and I go to the store to pick up a few things. It’s suddenly fucking spotless. There are no gaps in the shelves, the floor has been cleaned since the last time we were there (monday night and i called them tuesday and it is now white and shiny as hell) and they have the lights turned up all the way so you can actually see. EVERY FUCKING AISLE is perfect. Cat food? perfect. Funko pops? stacked and lined up perfectly. Video games? Filled. Clearance aisle? Perfect order. Like its super obvious they did a mad dash and tried to get the store in shape. So amy and I walk down every single aisle and point things out and kind of put our heads together and talk and I take out my phone and act like i’m texting etc .. basically we’re just fucking with people’s heads because the managers are nearby and they can see what we’re doing. 

Stage 4: So later we’re home and 2:45 comes and goes with NO word. No phone call, no email, no hey can we reschedule. they FORGOT about the interview. I’m dying because they’re making it even better and even easier to fuck with them. So I text my brother (who KNOWS my mental health has been in the trash) and I’m like “I filled out an application just to see and they set up an interview and blew me off. You were right .. not a great help when it comes to the blues” and he was like “yep...i’d look at literally any other store” and talked to me a bit more about it. He was irritated that they’d do that and kept saying they were on thin ice.  Finally at 5 they text me and they’re like “hey, this is the [insert store] and we’re sorry we missed your interview. I wanna apologize. Can we reschedule?” And I wait like an hour and a half (i was napping, i’ll admit it) but I respond with “I apologize for the late response, I had a prior commitment I had to take care of. Unfortunately, I reached out to someone [they know who it is. they know]  in the off chance I had misunderstood the process since I hadn’t heard from you guys and I was encouraged to pursue opportunities at other branches in the area. Thank you for the original consideration and I hope you have a great day!” and they waited until 11am the next day to reply back which I’m assuming is because they were waiting for the higher up management to return to the store.

Come to find out the managers are still basically pissing themselves and freaking out because not only did they a) fire someone against company policy and now know the people at the top know and b) drop the ball and forget to interview a family member of said people at the top ... I got to add salt in the wound one more time by mentioning that my brother dropped in a lot (he doesn’t) and that I’d love to show off the store since it’s such a huge part of the community and it was looking better than I’d ever seen it look. And that it would be nice because he’d get the real experience since it wasn’t a formal, announced visit .... but, of course, that he’s salary .. so the policy is that he’s always ‘at work’ and obligated to take note of things.

so basically, i feel justified. Six and a half months of careful planning and maneuvering was totally justified. 10/10, I’d do it again. Let this be a lesson that patience in planning vengeance is completely worth having and I hope I helped make the store better for employees who aren’t management by putting the fear of god into them with the idea that my brother or anyone else from his office can just drop the fuck in whenever they want with a totally casual visit that could still fuck the management over completely. This is a good week, mates .. a very good week. Am I petty? yes. Do i hate their guts and feel like it was an entertainment that was totally worth it given what they did to the love of my life? also yes.

#also if they checked - i'm facebook friends with their international corporate lawyer. my brother obviously and the cfo who i didn't realize #at first was him bc he goes by a different name via facebook. like last name is the same but i think he uses his middle name as his first #i love it. i love it so much. #i planning on doing more stuff but i gotta take a breather and plan it carefully but #god i am L IVING #fuck that place #we laugh because i'm known here for messing with companies that fuck with people #and i did my best one like 3 years ago but amy was just like 'this is 10 miles beyond that' #long post // #i'm sorry for this but i just want to let everyone know the major reason for my incredible mood this week

[brynnmclean]

I was tagged in a 2021 fanfic ask game by the lovely @skatingthinandice but since I technically wrote, um... no fic during 2021 that I can think of, I’m going to change up these questions and talk about where most of my creative energy has been going: TTRPGs and the Akallabêth Campaign. 

This is long so it’s all going under a cut:

how many stories sessions did you complete: So AKB as we’ve been calling it has lasted 20 sessions so far, not counting a two-part Session 0. We’ve been playing AKB pretty regularly every other Friday since 15 January 2021 which makes this the most consistent game I’ve run.  Not yet the longest!  

(I feel like it’s a little difficult to gauge campaign length sometimes since my previous iteration of AKB was with a local group and we started out meeting monthly... We ended that campaign after 17 months in real time but 16 sessions?  I still consider it longest run at this point.)

Anyway, I’m certain that this online AKB campaign is going to run for longer and have more content because we have a set schedule, we’re all VERY invested in gaming / storytelling together and actively prioritizing time to do so, and I don’t anticipate running into the same campaign-ending issues I ran into with the first campaign.  (Talk about Recording rules in your Session 0s, GMs!  Don’t get blindsided!)

what is your total word page(?) count for the year: I’ve talked about this before, probably, but I’m in this pattern of behavior where I write fairly extensive prep notes (a lot of starting scenery bits, rolling tables, recurring information like Shadow Point counters and lists of notable NPCs), and then take notes during the sessions, and then clean up the notes to present a big recap for my players.  It’s a lot of work, but it’s satisfying and has helped me feel Prepared for running the game.  Anyway, uh, the recap documents are a total of about... 267 pages on Google Docs.  Oops.

what fandoms did you write for games did you play: AKB is Cubicle7′s D&D 5e hack of The One Ring 1e (Free League is developing a second edition and then will be having a new 5e hack apparently?) called Adventures in Middle-earth.  DEEPLY unfortunately the game is now out of print because of ~contract stuff~, but essentially it is low magic 5e set in Middle-earth with extra travel rules and a kick-ass Corruption mechanic.  If you’re a fan of LotR and D&D and can track down the PDFs (or find books at your friendly local game store!  I’ve seen them in the wild!!!!!!), I recommend it.  I’ve been running AME since 2017 and I love it.  It’s the primary game I run.

Other games I played this year, in no particular order: Star Wars Saga Edition (an ongoing campaign set in the Old Republic, I’m a zabrak mechanic working with Revan!), Beowulf: Age of Heroes (also a low magic 5e hack, but a duet system with one GM, one player), cyberpunk Lasers & Feelings hacks: Boy Problems (heist to recover songs by Carly Rae Jepsen!) and Neon & Chrome, and then I think finally Unfamiliar 5e (we were all animal familiars who were rescuing Legendary Human Ranger Steve Irwin, it was AMAZING).

And then some story and settlement building games: For the Queen, various For the Drama games, The Land Whispers, and Cozy Town (paging fans of Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing!).

did you write more, less, or roughly what you expected to write: uhhh, I think if you’d told past!me that I’d still be gaming this hard pretty much every week (for the past two years????), I would have been wildly confused.  But it’s been really lovely to have basically sacred time now at this point set aside for seeing my college friends and telling stories with them.

Also related: never in my wildest dreams did I expect my pitch of an Akallabêth-era Númenor / Second Age of Middle-earth campaign to be as long-running as it has been.  And both groups got Invested in it which makes my Dúnedain-loving heart so warm.

your favourite story you wrote this year: Not sure how to bend this question to my situation... It’s tough to say what my favorite session I ran is because my players are so willing to take the reins and make big story moves.  A lot of my work is set things up for them and reacting to what they do.  I guess my favorite complication I set up for them is the first one I lined up in May: one of the PCs ran away from his King’s Men family and hadn’t seen any of his three brothers for about 25 years, so of course the first ship I had them meet (an adversary they didn’t recognize but still saved!) had his second oldest brother as the Quartermaster.  That player dropping her head into her hands as soon as I started describing him was GOLD.  IT FELT SO GOOD.

your most under appreciated story of the year: I don’t know if underappreciated applies here, but I’ll say that I think playing For the Queen often really helped my gaming group get comfortable spit-balling story ideas together.  It’s a question game and requires you to build your character as the game goes and I think that helped us immensely with improvising as a group.  It certainly helped me build confidence with thinking on my feet, to the point where I’ve now gone into sessions for other games with very little notes, but trust in myself to still run or play a session that matters and moves the plot forward.  We’ve talked about the game as an easy, low-stakes thing we can play if we don’t have other plans now, but I just-- I think it was immeasureably helpful for me, as a GM, to play it.

biggest fic-related surprise of 2021: have I mentioned that an NPC I was 100% going to kill during the session he was introduced is now a love interest for my Captain????  Sleep well, Erfaron, I’ll most likely kill you in the morning...

something you look forward to working on in 2022: I would LOVE to get this crew to Lindon to complete their primary mission (delivering a letter from Tar-Míriel to Ereinion Gil-galad to renew the old alliance and receive some kind of aid dealing with Sauron in the Númenórean court) within 2022.  Previous AME campaigns I have run have ended literally right before completing the primary mission / objective.

BONUS ANSWER: all of my active AKB players are prepping their own (very different!) games to run which is DELIGHTFUL and I am greatly looking forward to playing Call of Cthulhu, Monster of the Week, ACTUAL core D&D 5e (I’m braving playing a Life Domain Cleric!), and Orbital Blues in 2022.  Having a gaming group of GMs fucking RULES, y’all!

Since I changed all the questions around, I won’t be tagging anyone in particular!  Unless you, the person reading this, would like to play this game!  Then please consider yourself tagged!!!!

#do i need a loremaster tag? #end of the year ask memes #i can't remember what my tag was for the other thing i answered #anyway #2021: the year of rpgs i guess! #2021 #ttrpg asks #erfaron of andunie

[introductions-are-a-spook]

Tag list: @kyuudomo @kissthe-gogoat @caloroso-cosmos Let me know if you want to be added or taken off!

Reblogs and feedback always appreciated!

“Thank you for coming today, Ms. McAllen. I assure you, this is not an interrogation; I merely have a few questions,” Maxwell adjusted his glasses and sat down.

“And if I have nothing to hide I have nothing to fear, huh? Same spiel as last time,” Jennifer lazily snipped, hand boredly placed under her chin.

Maxwell paused, raising an eyebrow at her. “Yes, that is correct. Now if we may begin?” He patiently adjusted his papers.

Jennifer shrugged, absentmindedly swiping at the cold, metal table. “Sure.” She hoped her disinterested veneer was keeping up, for inside she was panicking. That was her problem; always hoping, never planning. Moreover, she couldn’t read Maxwell’s face at all.

“Right then. Now, could you tell me what you were doing the night Nikos Antigone was allegedly robbed?”

Jennifer sneered. “We’ve been over this. I was at home minding my own damn business. Any of my neighbor’s will tell you that.”

“I see. And what do you know of Mr. Antigone?”

“I know that he’s a prick. Apparently his father and mine had a falling out, maybe thirty years ago. But you already knew that,” she languidly explained.

“Indeed I did. So does this mean you knew Nikos as a child?”

Oh no, not going there. Jennifer glared at him. “Who cares? What does this have to do your little investigation?”

Maxwell’s face did not shift, much to the lady’s chagrin. “It may be useful at a later date. But if you insist…?”

She groaned, allowing her head to fall into her arms, now splayed on the table.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Very well. You were brought back in because you said you realized something about your house being broken into. Could you recap and elaborate? Use as much detail as you can.”

Finally, an original question. Her golden opportunity. “I had just gotten out of the shower and was heading to bed, like usual. I thought I saw some guy and a cat, but I ignored it. I had some trouble sleeping, so I got up for a drink. And when I brought my water bottle back downstairs, the guy was in there- he bolted while I called the police.”

“And what did he look like?”

Excellent. Let’s see what your little boyfriend thinks of you being a criminal, Andrew. “He was mostly wearing black, but he was short, skinny but fit, and he had brown hair and blueish eyes.” She paused for effect while Maxwell wrote down what she said. “I recognized him.”

Maxwell stopped, his brow crumbled just slightly. Finally! “Then who was he?”

Jennifer faked a shaky breath. “I hate saying this, but…” God, how she was going to relish this. Don’t smile, don’t smile. “I think it was my old friend, Andrew Winston. I’d know his stupid hair anytime.”

Maxwell pursed his lips and set his pen down. He stopped, and Jennifer wondered if maybe he was going to get up and leave. But, instead, he went back to writing with a simple, “Thank you, that will be all. You may leave now.”

So she left, shut the door, and grinned.

~*~

Yet another note from ‘Blinker’ had been found in a politician’s house, and yet still again on the table of a wealthy businessman.

Maxwell spent the evening pacing his room like a caged dog, until the point that his brother Darwin rudely told him to stop creaking the floorboards. It was absolutely maddening- being so close to definitive answers and yet not having the courage to take the leap and find them.

These crimes must be caused by Andrew, they must. He was always in the wrong place at the wrong time, knew all the wrong people, and had the most convicting attitude possible. He hadn’t missed him leaving the party to talk to McAllen. Perhaps Jennifer was just trying to shift blame with that stunt during the interview, but even without that as evidence, the man was easily damned.

It would take nothing- Maxwell could send anyone in London to prison with a single word. And yet here was one man who threw a wrench in his every process, including his will to see him jailed.

Worse yet, if all of this was to be believed, Andrew wasn’t just a quiet thief- he was a robber, willing to use violence. Even the ever-egotistical Maxwell wasn’t like that.

But what could be done? He couldn’t go on in conflict anymore. He’d think of something if it killed him. A conviction that led him to the first person he could find.

“I never thought I’d see the day where you needed comfort- especially from me.”

“I don’t need comfort, George, I need answers. Now I won’t want any spooky nonsense about romance or love or-“

“I will provide insight as I see fit, but I can’t if you never ask.”

Maxwell huffed. Of course, the man was married recently. Why wouldn’t he exclude those kinds of answers?

“And besides, you seem to be a bit of the romantic type these days, anyway.” Was that a smirk? But, at least it got him talking.

“Yes, and that’s the problem. My job is to throw criminals in prison, yet I can’t stand the thought of doing that to Andrew. And if the evidence is to be believed, he is potentially worse than I thought.” Maxwell huffed.

George simply looked at Maxwell, tilting his head in invitation to continue. The younger sat down next to the older, taking off his glasses and putting his head in his hands.

“He seems so innocent. How am I to believe this man uses violence to get what he wants, when I see him be so gentle to me, and to Isabella?”

George still did not speak, Maxwell sighed heavily.

“I likely am in love with him, but I hate it. I despise feeling this helpless, so not myself… this being at someone else’s mercy.”

“Well I see the problem then. For once in your life, you’re doing something that you don’t want to do.”

“And of my own volition, too. How humiliating,” Maxwell groaned.

“So, what do you want?”

Maxwell paused, whispering, mouthing even, I don’t know. “I want… many things. To be with Andrew, to put him behind bars. To never see him again, to never have met him in the first place. He makes me feel so terribly conflicted, yet more alive than ever.”

“So find a compromise.”

And finally, finally, something clicked in Maxwell’s mind. Quickly thanking George for whatever it was he’d done, Max ran back to his pinboard and started frantically rearranging it.

#✒️ you write and i’ll read 📖 #📖 the detective and the crook 🖋 #writing #my writing #just a couple more chapters aaaaahh

[stiles-o-dylan24]

Hiii, sorry to bother you, I hope you doing well and are safe

, I wanna do a rewrite of an series, do you have any tips you can share, please?

If you don't wanna then it is fine.🤗

Hey friend💛 thank you, I’m doing well and doing my best to stay safe and I hope you are as well! You’re never a bother and I don’t mind at all to offer my writing tips! 

I wrote down things below the cut that helped me the most and I tried to be as organized with them as I could, so I hope these help and I’m always happy to answer any other questions or help in any way!

Character & Relationships

First thing I would say is to map out your character that you’re adding in to the show. 

Who they are, if you’re going with an OC or a reader insert, and if they’re going to be related to a canon character or if your character is going to have their own family that you’re also going to be creating

What kind of relationships, romantic or otherwise, they will have with canon characters.

Romantic relationships- map out how the ultimate endgame relationship will go: slow burn/enemies to lovers/friends to lovers. 

Have distinguished scenes that will set the pace for whichever of these tropes you go with to be believable. 

Figure out what you absolutely love when reading those tropes and how you can give that same pace to your characters, making sure to include the angst/longing/frustration/soft pure adorableness/body language light touches that makes those tropes so freaking amazing 

Knowing all of this beforehand will ideally help figure out how involved in the scenes you want your character to be. Which I personally think it’s important to brainstorm and actually put thought into reshaping the scenes with your character first, as it will really make it believable to imagine that your character was always in canon and not just put in a scene because you, as the author, say so.

I’ve read one rewrite in particular where the author obviously didn’t think about that with their reader insert character and it really showed. That caused it to feel annoyingly forced and after three seasons not enjoyable to read for me because it never felt like the reader was supposed to be there and I stopped reading it.

I know I view rewrites differently than most people but, to me, if you’re going to take on a rewrite that means you’re altering canon, at least a little bit, for the story to make sense for a new character to be added in like they were there all along. So why not change relationships and morph the story to include someone who in my opinion, and yours since you’re wanting to rewrite it, was definitely missing from the show?

Transcripts/Scene layout

So once you have a good idea of your character and the relationships you want them to have it’ll make how you alter the script easier.

Try to find transcripts of the episodes as this is incredibly easier than watching the episode with subtitles and pausing every few seconds to copy down how says what in a scene.

Every website with transcripts are usually fan made so as you copy them be warned and keep in mind that 

Sometimes who they have saying the line could not always be correct.

Sometimes the line itself is not quite correct to what was actually said

In my case, sometimes the website went away and there’s no data on the page

So for that last bullet point I do suggest, as soon as you find a website with the entire series of transcripts, copying every episode into a separate google doc(or your preferred writing doc). 

Yes it takes some time, depending on how many episodes your show has, however it’s so worth it to not have to go back and worry about the webpage being down when you’re starting season 4 (Yes that happened to me and when the page came back up I copied the rest of the series into docs)

Writing POV

More than likely the webpage you’re copying from will copy the entire episode script into one big paragraph. You will have to go through and space it out properly, however, I used that opportunity to watch the episode at the same time that I was spacing the dialogue. 

which helped in checking that what the transcripts had was correctly copied

the right person was saying what the transcripts had and if not I could quickly change the character

if you’re writing in 1st person you should also use this opportunity to take out scenes that obviously your character wouldn’t/couldn’t logically be in

though I also suggest trying to keep scenes that you feel are necessary to keep the overall story together to be read in a cohesive way. 

You can alternate to 3rd person or you could have your character do a story time to the readers in an inner monologue type of way or have them/another character explain what happened in a little recap. 

I mean your audience, for the majority, has probably watched the whole series and knows what’s happening, but you’re writing a story– why not have it flow as smoothly as if someone was actually watching the series?

To me with writing my series, keeping the overall main story well described was really important. 

I made sure to include story times and little summaries of major events my main character wasn’t apart of whenever I could and it paid off because some people had either stopped watching the show or had forgotten what had happened in later seasons and really enjoyed the fact they could still follow along with the main story.

At the same time do not feel overwhelmed with making sure you include every single event or detail.

 do whatever you feel is necessary to tell your story with your character as you would like it to be read.

And if you’re writing from 2nd or 3rd person, well you’ll more than likely be rewriting everything anyways so my hat goes off to you my friend.

Dialogue

So once you have the layout of the original episode script go through it and write the scenes with your new character(s) as best as you can from memory, since you just watched the episode while you were spacing out the script lines. 

Make the scenes believable and truly feel like your character is supposed to be there by slowing down the need to just cram your character in and instead

Have your character(s) say some of their own lines in between when the canon dialogue lines are spoken

Morph the actual canon dialogue line by either cutting it halfway and having your character(s) finish the line 

or have your character(s) say the canon dialogue line and give one of the other characters a new line/a morphed line from another character’s canon line.

Final Writing of the Episode

Once you’ve altered the episode with your character(s) watch the episode again and read through what you have written.

adding in more actions from the characters/facial expressions that may be missing to really make the scene flow more realistically.

This is the process that really worked for me to edit the episodes one by one and I felt like was the most time efficient to getting through an episode.

I think that writing through the episode without watching it and only reading the script helps in not being distracted or feeling rushed to get through a scene.

Last Notes From Me

Personally I would suggest having the first one or two seasons(depending how long they are) already written out in the ways I mentioned above, if possible the final edits done as well, before you publish the first episode.

This will drastically help you as you continue to finish writing the rest of the episodes and keep to the schedule you wish to keep to. 

It could also help you in making sure that you have added in everything you possibly wanted to add in to later episodes. 

Also help you see that the timeline of a relationship is going exactly as you would like it to.

There’s nothing worse than getting overwhelmed with a posting schedule and it causing you to rush through an episode and you leave out a key plot point that needed to happen for something you wanted to happen later on be exactly as you originally envisioned it happening.

Remember to have fun with this whole process and don’t forget that you’re telling your story for you more than anyone. You feel like something is missing and this is your opportunity to write something you will want to read.

Yes the interaction is fun and helps you get through the moments of ‘is this worth it’, however you also need to write for you. Create something you will want to read to fill that space in your mind of what’s missing when you’re watching the show/reading other people’s rewrites.

Again this is all just my advice and is to be taken with a grain of salt. You need to do things in a way that works for you! What I did was really beneficial to me and my work schedule plus my mindset for what I wanted to bring to my rewrite. It may not work for you so if it doesn’t just be patient with yourself and you’ll find your way.

Hopefully through my long ramble of a message I answered your questions or gave you some form of insight. If I did not or you still have more questions please don’t hesitate to send me another message!

I am here if you need anything– to vent, run ideas by, a beta reader, literally anything- and I absolutely love rewrites, so please tag me in yours🤗 

Good luck and I hope you have so much fun taking on a series rewrite! 

#series rewrite tips #Ellie answers #writing tips #sweet nonnie words

[falloutglow]

Two Ghouls Walk Into a Raiders' Nest

[AO3]

Hancock & Ghoul OC (NoOne)

Tags: Canon Typical Violence, Swearing, Prompt Fill, Ghouls, Banter

Summary: NoOne and Hancock make a pretty damn good team, even when NoOne won't admit it.

Notes: This started off with this ask and I wanted to expand upon what I wrote. Ended up also using from the Sensory Prompt list again. :) 10. The taste of Vodka at the back of your throat.

Part of The Vault Crew Stories series.

Raiders. Why the hell did it have to be raiders?

NoOne grumbled as Hancock grinned beside her. “Oh, c’mon you love kickin’ their asses.”

She narrowed her eyes at him as she reloaded her pistol. “You owe me a drink-no, not the cheap shit Charlie passes out, I’m talkin’ top shelf.”

He chuckled. “Whatever you say, Sister.”

She rolled her eyes as she leaned out from behind their cover of concrete rubble and fired a couple rounds before dipping back behind it. She huffed as she readjusted her cowboy hat. “Damn bastards,” she muttered. “I got one of ‘em, but they’re hoping we’ll run outta ammo before they do.”

Hancock shook his head as he readied his shotgun. “Need a bit more oomph to knock these assholes down.”

NoOne added a few bullets to her pistol as he stood up and fired. Someone screamed. Well, he got one at least. He ducked back down as the raiders retaliated. “Please don’t tell me you’re high.” She said as she mentally counted the rounds hitting their cover.

“I’m not…” he frowned as he checked his pockets for more shells, or chems. “At least, not right now.”

NoOne groaned. “What she sees in you, I’ll never know.” She rubbed her forehead and sighed.

He nudged her. “Oh, c’mon, don’t be like that, ya old woman.”

She elbowed him back. “If you weren’t a mayor-”

The gunfire stopped.

NoOne quickly leaned out. Fired. One. Two. Three.

She ducked back. Another bastard down.

One more to go.

“-I’d have kicked your ass months ago.” She finished as she watched him fumble with his ammo.

“Aw, you love me.” Hancock teased as he clicked the rifle closed.

She gave him a look. “You gonna kill him or not.” she said, thumbing behind them.

“Yeah, yeah, keep your hat on.” he said, adjusting his own tri horned hat before hopping up and firing. Something squished and gurgled. “Got ‘em.”

NoOne grimaced as she got to her feet. “Glad that’s fuckin’ done.” She said, still holding her pistol as they went to check the damage.

Five bodies. Corpses. Whatever.

NoOne led the way, kicking the weapons away from the raiders’ hands and checking pulses while Hancock pulled out his knife and made sure the job was finished. She sighed as she returned her pistol to her hip and started to check the bodies for supplies.

They could count the mistakes they made just now on one hand, if they chose to skip over some less important mistakes. But at least the fight had ended. NoOne tossed a few of the shotgun shells to Hancock she found off some dumbass raider who got the sorry end of her pistol. He grunted his thanks as he reloaded his shotgun and counted his ammo. “If ya find any Jet, I’m callin’ dibs.”

NoOne clicked her tongue as she unbuckled the combat knife off the raider’s thigh. He wouldn’t be using it. She unsheathed it and eyed the blade. Mmm, could use some sharpening. “If you’re resorting to dibs, then I’m callin’ it on whiskey, Hell, any alcohol we find.”

Hancock hummed a moment as if to contemplate her response. “Fine, but I get at least one ale.”

“Yeah, yeah, keep ya red coat on.”

Hancock chuckled. “Ya gotta admit, we make a damn good team.”

NoOne strapped the combat knife to her thigh. “A pair of ghouls in love with the same psyker?” she guessed as she snagged a small bag of caps and added it to her own bag.

“Ya know that’s not what I mean.”

NoOne grunted as she stood up and stretched her back. Hancock had his shotgun strapped to his side, and a bottle of clear vodka in his hand.

“You found the strong stuff.” she nodded to the bottle. His face was hard to read as he stared at her. She sighed. There was no getting out of this. Of course, he wouldn’t let her. “Yes,” she said, placing her hands on her hips, “we do make a good team. So long as yain’t high off yer ass.”

A smile cracked on his face as he held the bottle out to her. “I like ya better when yain’t drunk.” He said, throwing her own word back at her. God, it was weird how he said it.

She turned the bottle in her hands. She uncapped it and took a swig. She hummed as the alcohol burned her throat and warmed her insides. Probably would be better with some ginger ale and mutfruit slices. Or to tenderize some meat.

“Fair enough.” She said, handing him the bottle so he could take his own victory swig.

He smacked his lips and gave her back the bottle  for her to recap. “That ain’t for Sunshine.”

NoOne smirked. “No, it ain’t.”

#fallout fic #fallout 4 #fo4 #john hancock fallout 4 #hancock #NoOne is a ghoul #glow fic #SURPRISE its a different side story cause i have a shit ton of ocs lol #they're talking about their girlfriend Nova who's got two hands and has pyrokinesis #she's not allowed to have alcohol all that often LOL #WOO! #anyways now imma pass the fuck out cause ive been up for like...18 hours

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Ian Martin’s Strange Paradise, Part II: The Top 5 Worst Things

Last week, I listed my top five favorite things about the first 44 episodes of Strange Paradise, when Ian Martin was headwriter and when the show had a very different feel to it than in the final four weeks of the Maljardin arc. But no creative work is perfect, and, despite my fondness for this show, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think that the writing for early Maljardin had several glaring flaws. Unlike Danny Horn, I don’t think that Ron Sproat was a better writer than Martin (actually, I consider Sproat the worst writer on SP), but that doesn’t mean that I don’t also feel that his writing needed some improvement. Note that this entry is specifically about the writing during this period, so things outside his creative control (e.g. the Conjure Man’s questionable casting) will be excluded from the list.

That said, here are my top five least favorite things about the writing in the first nine weeks of Strange Paradise:

5. Cheesy dialogue

More specifically, (1) bad jokes and (2) slang that was already outdated when these episodes originally aired in 1969. This one is #5 because, while these lines are cheesy, I can’t hate them because most of them make me laugh. Even my personal least favorite of Jacques’ jokes, the “pose” line from Episode 18, is kind of funny in an ironic, anti-humor sort of way, like the dad jokes that have become fashionable in recent years. While there are some jokes in this show that I find genuinely funny--Elizabeth’s Song of Solomon joke, for instance, or “the lady doth detest too much”--most others are the epitome of cornball. Sometimes you hear both in the same episode: Episode 21 is loaded with Devil jokes/puns that would be unforgivably corny if Colin Fox didn’t possess enough charisma to sell them, and yet the same episode also features a genuinely hilarious double entendre. The good jokes sneak up on you, sometimes amidst a hurricane of bad ones.

As for the slang, some comments that I’ve read mention that it was largely out of date even in the late sixties. My good friend Steve (with whom I often discuss SP) has told me that “you might not be aware of how campy that slang sounded in 1969 since you obviously did not live through the Sixties--this happened with a lot of TV shows during that period, the most egregious examples being the various ‘evil druggie Hippie’ episodes of DRAGNET.” Apparently Martin became infamous for using outdated slang later on when he wrote for CBS Radio Mystery Theater, putting lines like “I dig a man who’s far-out!” and “I think bein’ around here’s gonna be kicks!” in the mouths of some of his younger characters. Even if he had used up-to-date slang, it most likely would have still aged poorly (as slang typically does), especially for generations born after phrases like “the most” and “making the ___ scene” fell out of use.

4. Slow pace and excessive repetition

This one is also low on the list, because slow pace and repetition weren’t flaws when the show originally aired, but instead have aged poorly because of advances in technology that made them unnecessary. Before the advent of the programmable VCR, you had to be able to catch the program you wanted to watch on time or have someone you knew catch it on time and record it--which, in 1969, would have meant an audio-only tape recording. This meant that only the most fortunate and/or most loyal viewers would have been able to watch Strange Paradise every day, making it necessary to recap all the major events in subsequent episodes for those who missed out. This is also likely the reason why early SP (like most soaps of the time) has a relatively slow pace: if too much happens in one episode, you have to recap more and the people who missed the big episode are more disappointed.

Nowadays, with DVRs, video streaming, and DVD sets--not to mention certain legally-questionable means--it’s nearly impossible to miss an episode of your favorite show (with few exceptions), making extensive recap largely obsolete. Screenwriters can cram as many plot points as they want into one episode and no longer have to write five episodes of the other characters reacting to the news if they don’t want to.

Even so, just because the constant recap served a function at the time doesn’t mean I have to like it. It gets annoying hearing the same plot points reiterated episode after episode. Like I said while reviewing Episode 21, “if someone were to remake this show for Netflix or another streaming service, they could safely ignore about 75 percent of the original scripts and condense the remaining 25 percent quite a bit without omitting anything important.”

And don’t even get me started on the lampshading of absent cast members, like in Episode 9 when Jean Paul and Quito wasted two minutes searching for Raxl just to slow the plot down. It’s nothing compared to Ron Sproat’s “we must search for Quito” filler episode in Desmond Hall (Episode 78), but still, those scenes were pointless.

3. Extreme artistic license with certain historical/cultural details

Although Ian Martin did a surprising amount of research on certain subjects for Strange Paradise, there are some subjects where he either didn’t do enough research, or (more likely) made extensive use of artistic license. The first one is his portrayal of Jacques’ wife Huaco as an Inca princess despite their marriage occurring over a century after the fall of the Inca Empire. I discussed this all the way back in Part II of my review of the pilot, where I invented the theory of Jacques traveling back in time to marry her, but other possible explanations include Huaco being a 17th-century descendant of Inca royalty (as the Quechua people are still alive today), extreme artistic license, and/or critical research failure. I don’t know if we would have eventually gotten a good explanation if Martin had continued writing the series, but we would need a damn good one for the approximate equivalent of having a 21st-century character marry the Russian Grand Duchess Anastasia. I’m willing to suspend my disbelief and accept it considering that this is a fantasy series, but it still creates a lot of plot holes that need to be filled.[1]

Another example of artistic license about which I feel more ambivalent is the conflation of voodoo with the Aztec-inspired indigenous religion of Maljardin, which I’ve discussed before both in my Episode 23 review and Part I of this post series. I’m not sure if this is genius--religious syncretism is a real phenomenon throughout the Caribbean and Latin America, and some people today do syncretize the vodou Serpent God with Quetzalcoatl--or just an instance of Martin playing fast and loose with facts. I would like to think it’s the former, but it could just as easily be the latter (hence why I referenced it on both lists--I have mixed feelings about it).

2. Annoying inconsistencies

Does Raxl know that Jean Paul is possessed by Jacques Eloi des Mondes? Does Vangie? Why does Jacques’ portrait disappear in some episodes after he possesses Jean Paul, but not in others? All three of these things vary from episode to episode, and change annoyingly often as the plot demands. Steve and I have also discussed this subject in the past, and he believes that Martin used this device to make the story easier to follow; if that’s the case, it appears that he used Raxl and Vangie as audience surrogates, especially for new viewers or people who didn’t tune in every day. But surely there were other ways to do that without creating continuity errors? It may have served a function, but that doesn’t make it good writing. What Martin is essentially doing is filling and reopening the same plothole, episode after episode.

Regarding the portrait, I don’t know how much to blame Martin’s scripts for this inconsistency and how much to blame the directors, as I don’t have access to any SP scripts beyond the pilot script and the Vignettes. However, I’m going to assume that he’s at least partially to blame, because at least the pilot script mentions the disappearing portrait (which literally disappears in all three of the Paperback Library novels), Also, while none of the characters ever mention the portrait vanishing (unlike in the tie-in novels), some of his episodes have characters looking at it while Jacques is controlling Jean Paul and commenting on the uncanny resemblance. See also the diegesis tag for more discussion and analysis of the disappearing portrait.

1. Tim’s subplot

It should surprise none of my regular readers that Tim’s subplot is my #1 least favorite thing about the first nine weeks of Maljardin. I’ve already written an entire post about why I dislike this subplot, so I’ll keep my discussion of it here brief. Jean Paul saves the life of artist Tim Stanton when he hires him to paint Erica’s portrait, but then does nothing to make the commission easy for him--which is not a bad set-up for a plot in and of itself, but the execution is terrible. Tim chooses to use Holly as his model despite her barely resembling Erica, and Martin mostly uses their subsequent interactions to drive the old, tired, clichéd plot where two people who bicker and hate each other at first eventually fall in love (or at least he appears to be setting that up[2]). The payoff for the Holly portrait subplot finally occurs in Episode 33, but it’s underwhelming (not to mention barely recapped) and the already bland Tim quickly becomes a background character. In short, his subplot is a boring waste of time and should have either had more payoff or--preferably--been scrapped altogether.

That concludes my list of the worst things about Ian Martin’s Strange Paradise. Stay tuned for my review of Episode 45 within the next two weeks.

{<- Previous: The Top 5 Best Things }

Note

[1] Interestingly, there is a possible (if unlikely) historical explanation for Huaco’s sister Rahua having “skin as white as goat’s milk” and “hair like ripened wheat.” An early Spanish account of the Chachapoya people (aka Cloud People) of the Northern Andes describe them as “the whitest and most handsome of all the people that I have seen, and their wives were so beautiful that because of their gentleness, many of them deserved to be the Incas’ wives and to also be taken to the Sun Temple.” Assuming the Spanish account isn’t made up, this proves that reality is sometimes unrealistic.

[2] Thankfully, given the soap opera genre, it’s unlikely that Tim and Holly would have stayed together forever, even if they had eventually fallen in love during their painting-and-bickering sessions. Even so, that doesn’t make it a good subplot.

#strange paradise #ian martin #maljardin arc #review #analysis #arc review #list #bruce gray was a good actor but tim stanton is zzzzzzzzz #even jean paul agrees ;)

[llamamicrowave]

My Big Family on AO3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25871098/chapters/62862025

Summary:

Jojo sibling AU Stands still exits. Jonathan has a slightly stronger version of hermit purple. And to compensate for such a weak stand he and Joseph learned Hamon. Johnny and Gappy are their cousins who live in America. Ships in tags

Notes:

Pure cringe. Beware..

Chapter 1

School Sux PT.1Chapter Text

Ships (Minor but exist)

-JonaErina (The only important one)

-Joseph x Suzi Q x Ceaser (Leave me alone)

-JotaKak

-Very minor GioTrish

-Jolyne x Ermes

-GyJo

Jonathan POV

Hi! My name is Jonathan Joestar! A little about my self? Well, I'm 26, I have 4 younger siblings that I take care of since my father is always working. But it's fine I love taking care of them! I have a girlfriend, her name is Erina Pendleton and I'm planning to propose to her soon! Please don't tell her that, or any of my bothers, I don't want them to roast me for being a softy again.

Even though I am the oldest I can't be there some times, so when I'm not there my brother Joseph is in charge. But Joseph sometimes can be... How can I say this without sounding rude? Stupid? Immature? Idiotic? Well, yes to all of those.

Since Joseph can be a bit dumb at times, dad gives responsibly to Jotaro. He's pretty chill but sometimes can come off as rude. It's all a fake though, he loves marine life (especially dolphins lol) and when he was ten he told me he wanted to be a Marine Biologist! So in short, he's a dork.

Then there's Josuke and Jolyne the twins. There the youngest in the family. Josuke is the oldest by a few minutes. He's a goofball but can be serious if needed. Like if someone insults his hair he could go as some might say, Apeshit.

Jolyne, our only sister. Her personality is much like Jotaro. She just says whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I can't really say much about her since I'm being blackmailed by her and Jotaro. They're so alike it's scary.

I know I said I only had 4 siblings but there's another I didn't mention. 3 years before Joseph was born my father adopted a "friend" of his's son, Dio Brando. Dio was, excuse my language, a dick ever since we were kids. He ran over my dog Danny with one of his "friends" cars. As soon as Dio turned 18 he moved to Italy to become a lawyer. But that wasn't the last time I saw him.

While in Italy Dio, had a child with a woman he didn't even know. That woman neglected her son and allowed her husband to abuse him.

"She would leave days at a time and leave little food for him." I looked at the toddler sleeping in his arms, he had black hair and a cute bowl cut. "He's only a kid, he can't survive like that," Dio said to me.

"..."

"I can't let him have the same childhood as me." he looked dead into my eyes. I finally understood where he was coming from torturing me all these years.

"..." I stayed quiet.

"But I'm not taking care of this kid."

And now he lives with us! His name is Giorno Giovanna-Brando-Joestar. He is only a year younger then Josuke and Jolnye. And that's my family!

And remember when I said my dad works a lot, that was a lie...

He died on Jotaro's 11th birthday. He and my stepmother were hit by a drunk driver. Jotaro blames himself for the crash. It's not his fault though, he had no control over it. He was only a kid. I'm sorry to drop this on you now but with my father's death made me like a father figure to them. Dad would be proud.

Ages,

Jonathan- 26

Johnny- 22

Joseph- 20

Jo2uke- 19

Jotaro- 17

Josuke- 16

Jolyne- 16

Giorno- 15

Narrator POV

Jonathan woke up first as normal and recapped his schedule,

Ok, so I have to make breakfast, Make sure they're ready for school, go to work, and meet up with Erina, and? What else do I have to do? ...Oh yeah! Take away Joseph's phone for getting arrested yesterday! Next time he should, you know, not try and run over his WHEELCHAIR BOND COUSIN! Goodness, I got angry again, sorry about that.

Jonathan arose from his bed and began his morning routine. He showered, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and got ready for the day.

He then started to make breakfast for his big family.

Joseph likes bacon with coffee.

Jotaro likes toast with coffee.

Josuke likes eggs with juice.

Jolyne likes yogurt with coffee.

And Giorno likes vegan pancakes with tea.

Oh yeah, Johnny, and Gappy and/or Jo2uke are staying with us! I wonder what they want? I'll just make them eggs.

A door opens from upstairs. Giorno walks out from his room to the bathroom to get ready for school. He liked waking up before the rest of his family.

When Giorno was done getting ready he walked down the stairs, and greeted Jonathan as he sat down.

"Good Morning, Jonathan."

"Good Morning! Did you sleep well?" Jonathan asked.

"Yeah, I think s-" He was cut off by a door slamming shut. Very loudly.

"Must be Jotaro. Jolyne must have gotten in the bathroom first." Giorno commented.

Jonathan laughed. "I guess so."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good Morning, retards!" Jolyne came prancing down the stairs.

"Jolyne, that isn't nice," Jonathan said sternly.

"You're right, Joseph isn't here right now." she sat down. Jonathan sighed. saying nothing back to her, defeated.

"Where is Joseph anyway?" Giorno asks.

Jonathan scoffs, "I told him to be awake at 6:00 sharp."

"Why 6:00?" Jolyne asked

"That's his punishment for trying to run over Johnny yesterday."

"Ohh yeah! I remember now!"

"Your next line will be, 'The things he'll do for 20 bucks,'!" a voice from inside the pantry spoke.

"The things he'll do for 20 bucks- JOSEPH!" Jolyne yelled.

Joseph popped out of the pantry fully dressed and looking proud.

"I've been up since 4 am!" he said proudly.

"Did you have another nightmare?" Jotaro said sarcastically walking down the stairs.

"Yes actually, Ocean Man!"

"What did you say?" Jotaro asked sternly. Even though Joseph was 3 years older than him they were about the same size.

"He called you, OCEAN. MAN! O-C-E-A-N M-A-N!" Josuke called from the upstairs bathroom.

"Fuck off." Jotaro sat down. "Langage, Jotaro!" Jonathan told him.

"Joot, you seem more pissy than usual, are you on your period?" Jolyne asked smugly.

"Jolyne, I'm not in a good mood and I want you to know I will not hesitate to choke you out and then feed it to your simp."

"Anasui is not a simp!" Jolyne defended.

"Funny, how you knew who I was talking about without saying his name."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Have fun at school!" Jonathan yelled at his younger siblings.

"Yeah, fun and school don't mix well," Jolyne yelled back.

Joseph usually carpools with Ceasar and Smokey. Jotaro drives him and his friends to school with Jonathan's car. (Jonathan drives there dads car to work). Jolyne caught a ride with her girlfriend Ermes. Josuke walked with his friends Okuyasu and Koichi. And Giorno either walked by himself or ride with his older friend Bruno, today he was alone with his thoughts.

Joseph POV

"Ugh, collage sucks!" I groaned. "Suck it up buttercup It's only the beginning of the year," Ceasar said, reading a book.

Asshole.

We were in the library supposed to be studying but I got a bit distracted. See Suzi Q was also in the library, by herself. Nobody around her, the perfect opportunity to ask her out, but this blonde bubble-blowing bitc-

"Stop staring at Suzi, it's starting to get creeping now," Ceasar said still looking at the book.

"And why should I?"

"1. We should be studying, and 2. Your so small no girl wants to date you." that asshole wrote something in his notebook.

I. Was. Annoyed to say the least. I mean it's true, BUT YOU DON'T SAY IT! So I did the only rational thing, put him in a headlock.

Good thing the library was empty except for a couple of people who were used to our bullshit by now.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU BUFFOON!?" Ceasar said, or at least tried too.

Ha, get rekt, bitch.

Jotaro POV

"Ugh, I hate school."

"Can you stop being edgy for 5 seconds?" Polnareff asked.

Dick,

"Can you guys stop arguing and actually help!" Avdol said while he was doing the science assignment, I don't know why. Fucken dork.

"Kakyoin is literally sleeping!" Polnareff wined.

"Kakyoin has had a long day."

"Yeah... what are we talking about?"

"So, sleeping beauty is finally up," I say.

"I know you meant that as an insult but I'm taking it as a compliment, Aurora was fabulous!" Kak laughed like the maniacal little gay shit he is.

"Aww, you guys are so cute!"

"Polnareff focus on the experiment!-" the test tube cut him off, by exploding.

"..."

"Finally something exciting," I said because it was fucking epic.

"I mean this would not have happened Joot and Kak weren't flirting with each other."

"Wtf."

Josuke POV

"Math is hardddddd."

"It's not that hard, Oku."

"Bullshit."

"Okuyasu, you should probably pay attention to my lesson instead of complaining." our math and gym/Hamon teacher Lisa-Lisa said to my friend Okuyasu, and trust me no one wants to get on her bad side, the last person to do that was Joseph, he still has nightmares, and he graduated.

"Yes, Josuke?"

"Is this going to be on the test?" I ask so I could know what to remember.

"Most of it will. But if you're asking me if you should listen in class or not, the answer is yes." it felt like she stared into my soul at that list part.

The bell rang

Lunch finally! Freedom at last!

"Your homework is to study for the quiz I'm giving you on an undisclosed date!"

Giorno POV

I walk over to bleachers outside of school where my friends (And Abbacchio) usually eat.

"Hey, guys." I quietly say. Right now there is only, Bruno, Abbacchio, Mista, and... Trish. Anyways as soon as Fugo and Narancia get here the peace will be ruined. Right now Bruno was talking to Mista and Trish about some party this Friday, and Abbacchio was on his phone with headphones on.

"Hello Giorno, how was your morning," Bruno asked.

"Eh, it was fine. Jolyne almost got ORAed."

"What else is new," Trish said drinking her mineral water. Wow shes really pretty, what?

"SUP BITCHES!" Narancia ran up to the bleachers with Fugo following behind him, sighing. Well, that was fun while it lasted.

#jjba #jojo's bizzare adventure vento aureo #jojo's bizzare adventure stone ocean #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #ships #jjba ships #cringe #dinopants

[aintnouseofpretending]

But My Love, This Cannot Be pt. 1

Mr M (Brian May) x Tomboy!Reader x Mr R (Roger Taylor) Time Travelling reader AU imagine

>>The continuation of Many Years Away. I strongly encourage new readers to read the previous Imagine and fully immerse yourself first before continuing because the story is escalating. Also, yes, this is a two-parter as I got too carried away explaining some details ._.

Tagging peeps that want the continuation~; @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @tini-monster

ENJOY!

Small recap; you’re a college student from twenty thirty-nine. Worked in a guitar store and as a session musician in a big recording studio near your flat. You have an odd dream of being in nineteen seventy-three and becomes May and Deacon’s best friend, which are your guitar heroes from the legendary rock band, Queen. But when you wake up, you actually have to work with Brian May. After showing your guitar and bass skills to him, he says; “Perfect. Sounds just like yesterday…”

Your days were never been more perfect than today. “Thank you, sir. You’re a very big influence on my entire career.”

“Just call me, May. We’re going to work together again anyway.”

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid I respect you too much to just call you like an old friend, sir.” You say, purposely ignoring the last bit of his sentence. Although you have some suspicion,

“But we are.”

“Whatever do you mean—?”

“Were you not to told me you’re from twenty thirty-nine, how would I be here? Specifically picking you? Let alone wrote ‘39? You even play, dress, and worked as a session musician, exactly like that day. It’s already impossible to forget, now it feels like we’re still in that awful studio, taping, the way you cannot seems to stop calling it. Annoyed Rog so much he throws his sticks at you. How many times was it?”

“… May?”

“You’ve missed many of our plays. John misses you, y/n. And so am I. Much more than you can imagine.”

Both of you catching up right after you got the chance to talk in private. At first, May cannot stop telling you how much he missed you, how much he cannot believe when the producer recommended you as a backup, the fact that you are indeed a time traveller. He’s trying his best to fulfil your last wish before you disintegrated; to be happy and live his life. “And to always remember you,”

You still don’t believe it, neither did he. But what for you was in a blink of an eye, for him it was almost sixty-five years. Whilst you wonder why are you time travelling, do the others know? How is Deacon? You can’t help but notice that May has been fidgeting, and when you mentioned Deacon or Taylor or Mercury, he looks a bit displeased, but he answered anyway,

“To stop the questions on your whereabouts, I simply told them that you might be too caught up in family issues and cannot come back.” At first, they’re looking for you whenever they got the time; especially Deacon, to the point that it depresses him greatly. Deacon doesn’t know you’re actually no longer existed, but May does, and it destroys him daily. Eventually, they accepted that they’re forever lost contact with you,

But things still don’t add up. How do you do that? To time travel? “You should know better than I do, May. You’re an actual scientist. Even in sixty-five years, it shouldn’t be possible to time travel yet, undoubtedly?” You wondered after both of you finally get the chance to talk again post-recording. “That’s a good question,”

He promises that the two of you will meet again to discuss it, for, unfortunately, his schedule was full this month. He said that he has dinner with his family, a birthday party; much it is to break your heart alone that you remember, he has a wife, kids, and grandkids. “Understood. Be careful on your way home, May. I will be right here,”

You pondered; do May still see you the same way? Surely he has moved on from your departure. And just thinking about that fact makes you a bit sad, how you stuck in time all by your lonesome. Why does that have to happen to you? What is actually going on? What did you do? … It was the cassette. You remembered you are listening to it before you're asleep last week, and then woke up in nineteen seventy-three. That cassette also the reason why you're back here. You’re uncertain whether you should listen to it again, but you made sure to tell May about it,

You’re still not unsure how listening to the cassette could make you travel back and forth in time. You go back to the music store from where you bought it. The clerk says that a man sold it there for a cheap price and later on the same day you buy it. The clerk—an acquaintance of yours, only knows that the man is middle-aged and since haven’t been seen. He can’t remember how the man looks, his memories are weirdly blurred when that happens. “Maybe I was hungover still. Don't tell my manager,”

After recording the next month, May inspects the cassette. He remembered that cassette, it’s Queen’s debut album after all, and one of the first few copies. He’s still quite happy when you come to him and ask him to be the first one to sign your copy. Although you never told him that Taylor was actually the one received the honour, but the bastard returns it to the sender with a note; only going sign it after you introduce him to this pretty bombshell that works in the same music store with you—the gal that already has a girlfriend. He ended up signing it from the peer-pressure given by his bandmates six months later,

“The process was unbelievably slow and painful. The hallucination becomes very vivid to the point that I might’ve been just in two different worlds at once, but stuck in the middle,” you explained. “I’m afraid I will be time travelling again if I listened to it.” “It looks like a normal cassette,” May noted, “although I haven’t seen that many cassettes for a long time. Highly probable that there’s difference cannot be seen with naked eyes,”

“Perhaps I should try and listen to it?” You suggested, “you can see how it works on me.” At first, he’s pretty much against it due to safety. But you reason that the process most likely won't escalate if you didn't tell him about it, someone that's correlated directly with the cassette You wish to gain as many information as possible to help the research later. Also to further prove that you are indeed could time travel. “My first priority will be getting this cassette to travel back here. Make it as short of a trip as possible,”

“Is that all?” He asks, but you only shrug. “Yes. I shan’t try to change things. Instead, I'll collect photographs, tapes, and some other legit proves about my existence in that year that you—or someone—could keep until exactly today. Look for more clues and blends in. Maybe there's more to this cassette when I first bought it in the seventies.” “Why?” “Because we should stop and hide this time travelling business that could potentially harm many people,"

“No. Why don’t you want to change things?”

“Why, May, I don’t belong in seven-thirties, I belong today. Before this trainwreck happens, my life is just a store clerk and a musician and a college student. Idolizing and to be like you. But you shouldn’t know about me at all; we’ve never met.”

“Yes, that’s how it is, before. But now that you have the power to change the history, why don’t you change it?”

“Why should I? What if that’s the cause in the first place? That someone has done it before and sold the cassette to forget about it, and now it happens to me? Besides, I am content with what I am today.”

“Surely?” He pleaded. That’s when you realised what he meant. There might be a huge doubt in your heart, but you have made up your mind. You know there’s no use to lie in front of the smart May, still, you did, and explained that you have no right to change things, whatever causes you to have such power. He respects your decision in the end. “What matters right now is finding how this works. We can stress about that later.” You closed the discussion,

Back to the cassette, you bought your priced vintage portable cassette player. You put on the headphone, waiting for May as he prepares the papers and pen, and making sure the camera is recording; so he can see and deduce how it works based on your reactions later. Unfortunately, by the time the music start, you passed out in an instant. When you are awake, however, you feel incredibly dizzy,

You don't remember what you've been dreaming, but it's something very real… Of someone. You promised someone that you'll buy… Something to go back? To buy them something? It's about music—perhaps a record? A cassette… It was a cassette! But for whom? And what cassette? You promised someone that you'll buy them a cassette—oh! Now you remember! You're supposed to bring your demo cassette to the new recording studio so that you can be a permanent session musician with Jordan!

You saw the clock on the wall and realised you're awfully late already! You quickly change your clothes and ran to the new recording studio. You're in so much hurry that you flung yourself out of the way of someone that's coming in your direction; nearly breaks your cassettes but magnificently hurt your own arse in the process—at least you didn't hurt whomever passerby you almost shouldered out the Earth,

“I'm so sorry! I didn't see there was someone around the corner!” A man profusely apologizing as he reached down and help gather your belongings. “Not to worry! I will be the one beaten by my boss! Have a good day, sir!” You told him whilst you put everything as fast as you can in your arm, although you can't help but notice that the man is a bit striking with his kinky brunette hair and a tall, skinny body. A familiar sight, you have to say, though you have no time to confirm it and simply continue running past his blonde girlfriend,

No matter whether the band wasn't ever here yet or to witness his glorious cracking voice, the producer took the liberty to be as loud and as merciless as he could when he yelled at you. He even pointed at your cracked cassette as you, apparently, left the good copy by the road; a disgraceful sign of the shit he and Jukebox—the band—has to listen to today. “You're lucky Jordan recommended you, or I might fire you on the spot,”

You try your best to hide the smug smile you had when Jukebox is visibly impressed by your skills, completely ignored the producer biased opinions. Despite witnessing your win, you're not ringed on the day where Jukebox supposedly taping. “Yeah. But you don't have to come. In the end, I didn’t do anything.” Jordan answered after you ask if he was ringed. That's odd. Not being ringed today… Weirdly doesn't feel right. As if you're supposed to get ringed in as a backup even though you're not doing anything. You later simply shrug it off, thinking maybe you're still quite upset the producer is so against you,

But it doesn't end there; once you did get ringed, you feel that odd tug again in the bottom of your heart. Relieved as though this indeed supposed to happen, that things are going back on track. When you've arrived, however, new curious thing hits you like a truck and tops every gut feelings you've felt these past weeks—you saw that tall man with the kinky hair again, in the studio, with his blonde girlfriend… Wait, the blue-eyed gal is a man! He's the drummer,

“They're the new band that had been using the studio past the taping schedule,” Jordan explained. “Name is Queen.” That's it! When you heard that name, you don't know why you instantly recognize them; vocalist Freddie Mercury, bassist John Deacon, drummer Roger Taylor, and… Guitarist Brian May. “You might've heard of them when we're out hanging in the clubs.” Oh, alright. Now that makes sense, but still, that fact doesn't satisfy you, there's supposed to be more to it, but again, you didn't bother…

In your mind you thought; “Alright, what the fuck is going on? Why did I have been feeling endless déjà vu since this morning?”. That reaction immediately sparked after you play both your guitar and bass since Dorian—Jukebox’s guitarist—broken his fingers from partying too hard, and the fact that Loui—the vocalist, told you to just straight up play the bass as well since you’re obviously skilled enough. And then come May and Taylor forward; they practically approach you straight up to comment on your skills after Jukebox taping is over,

That feeling like things doesn’t go right now is much clearer for you to identify; the fact that you expect May and another Queen member to came to you, but Taylor isn’t supposed to be the other one. Or that Taylor is the one that gives comment and praises your skills instead of May. Rather, May only apologizes about the previous incident and mostly listens to your answer for Taylor’s barrage of questions,

“We would like for you to watch us taping,” May insisted, desperately. “You should watch them taping, yes. They’re good.” Jordan agrees. “If the three of you said that word again, I will deck all of ya’,” shouted Taylor from behind his drum set. “What? Taping?” You received two sticks directly at your shoulder; thrown at full speed. Whilst Jordan and Deacon scolded Taylor for being rude to a woman—Taylor thought you were a guy with “uniquely progressive” fashion choice up until that point. Instead of anger, you, Taylor, and May laugh. There’s this familiar humour that tingles you and made you question why you find it funny instead of rude?

You try your best to convince yourself that you are indeed, perhaps, watched them play on a stage in one of the college gigs you attended or in any music clubs. But no. Their play is far too familiar—in a sense that as if you've been stalking them since the day they made Queen. The fact that you’re supposed to listen to them the day you’re not ringed when Jordan does makes you very upset—again for no reason; as to why you know you should have listened to them already despite finding them as familiar as the palm of your left hand, and for the fact that you think things have been nothing but a line of wrongness,

“Yeah, I really can’t. This is the third Saturday of the month, I have dinner with grandma.” You told the musicians when Jordan and May ask you to have dinner with them at the nearest pub. Jordan immediately put you into his hug that at first surprised you, but then he said; “Mate, your grandma’s been dead for two years. Let go.” “What the bloody hell are you—she’s alive!” Then it hits you. What he’s saying is right, you even remembered crying your eyes out as he hugs your shoulder. You think; “No. This is far too wrong. Something isn’t right. My mind and memory are fucking me up.”

“You’re right. Maybe that’s why I need to go home.” You resigned weakly, “have fun boys. You will be taping again tomorrow, correct? I will come and see if you don’t mind.” You could hear a subtle worried whisper asking “Is she alright?” which you presumed came from May,

Once you’ve locked the door, you quickly discard your coat away and sat on the cold floor. You try to think so very hard about the madness you’ve been through, that your stomach is swirling by itself trying to tell you what is right what is wrong without further made clear where it steers you to. Then you grab a pen and crumpled paper, write down the right-wrong things your own body trying to tell you; One, when you bumped with May and you felt like he’s your old middle school friend that lost contact with you. Two, you know that even Jordan doesn’t do anything when ringed in, but the fact you’re not even ringed upsets you greatly. Three, when you’re finally ringed; it feels so right. Four, the fact that there’s Queen and you feels like you’ve known them since their first debut gig. Five, that May and Taylor came to you and complimented your skills. And Six, your grandma. Your heart and gut declared that she’s indeed still alive, but your brain emotionlessly tells you that you attended her funeral shitfaced and simply still can’t get over it in two years straight,

After listing all of them and that particularly peculiar day ends, you decided that if you feel it again, you will investigate it further. One more to the list; Seven, the cassette. The cassette your brain trying to remember was not your demo cassette, it was something else—precisely about buying it, but for whom you still have no clue,

Since the day you met Queen, you have been watching and aid them taping. The weird feeling is gone, and you’re very grateful. You, May, and Taylor quickly becoming a best friend; you don't know why you're best friend with Taylor, though. Taylor occasionally casually chipping in—mostly because he throws his sticks at you for you seems to cannot stop using the wrong term; plays for gigs, taping for recording, at this point you continue doing it because you know it pisses him off,

“You’re going back to the campus after this, y/n?” Ask Deacon, you nodded in response. “Why, aren’t you model student? Be cool, hang with us more. Maybe you can hook with one of us.” Mocked Taylor as he sits next to Deacon. You happen to have lunch with them since they’re finally back in London after their debut album tour. “I have to be a model student for myself. Thesis incoming. That’s why I can’t help you with your next album.” You explained, completely ignoring Taylor's suggestion. “Never crossed my mind to ask you about it, but what’s your major?” May inquired. “Astro—,” you scrunch your nose as you think, “music.” You answered, finally. There it is, the weird feeling is back,

“Bri was Astrophysics. Never knew there's another major, what? Astromusic? That sounds cool. And how come you forget about it?” Taylor jokes again. “Wait, so that means you can’t tag long for our next tour?” You shake your head, continue eating. “That’s very unfortunate,” May sighed deeply, you can only shrug. "Listen to our cassettes if you miss us, love. Don’t worry, I will miss ya.” He said with a wink. Your spoon stopped mid-way as you quickly look at Taylor that’s being smacked by May and Deacon for some reason,

“What? You’ve forgotten to hook me with the shag? Don’t you want me to sign your cassette? Or you instead want to hook with me?” Your eyes widened as you dropped your spoon, which causes a confused reaction from the boys. “What cassette?” You queried, now this makes both Taylor and May shows expression of a sudden realization for something. “Didn’t you… Didn’t I say I will sign your copy of our debut cassette once you introduce me with the gal from your music store?”

“What are you talking about? I haven’t buy your debut cassette, I’m busy helping Jukebox and jamming with Jordan.” “Hold on. Wasn’t I the first one to sign it?” May adds, but just as unsure. “No?” “Bri was right! I saw him signed it with John!” Taylor nudges Deacon. The man was completely lost as to what happened with the three of you. “Y/n never come to me to sign anything.” “Exactly—,”

It’s like getting your head hit with a giant dictionary book, you finally remembered! Both your mouth and eyes were as wide as they can be. You are indeed from the future and—, “fucking shit! I forgot completely!” You screamed and jump from the chair, ran outside and to the store where you’re supposed to buy the cassette. It was almost on the other side of the city, but you’re glad you brought your bike with you,

“Have—,” you cough like crazy before you could even talk, scaring the store clerk, which are your friend. The same exact friend that sold you the cassette in the future. “What on earth is happening to you?” “The Queen! Queen debut cassette! Have you sold any?” “No—?” You immediately go to the rack. It’s there, what you assume is the same one from your first run in the past. You immediately fall down the floor, trying to calm yourself whilst inspecting the cassette; it was exactly the one you bought on the first time you’re in the past, because it’s a wee bit misprinted by half a centimetre which bothers the hell out of you, but it’s already signed when you notice it,

“You got the cassette?” Someone squatted right next to you. “May? Wait, what?” The man only nodded, “you should pay for it. Let’s talk outside,”

“I should’ve taken a taxi like you. I feel like dying,” you’re still wheezing, glad the air is much better than it was in the future. “But how?” You questioned, May folded his hands on his chest and contemplate. “I’m not sure. Do you remember when you throw yourself into the pavement just to avoid bumping that night? I have felt since then that you looked familiar. I thought you were my old school mates I might’ve forgotten. But then I remembered things we’ve done on your first time in the past—the fact that Rog said exactly the same thing despite everything was completely different… Perhaps he is affected too? But the memories of after your first disintegration was… Much more blurry. Same with when before you’re disintegrated in front of my eyes in twenty thirty-nine. I think my brain thought it was false memories and simply decided they're not important,”

As interesting as they sound, unfortunately, you really can’t be bothered about that much, so you told him to write it down. Now your objectives are to get as many proofs as you can and May will keep them safe until twenty thirty-nine, and go back to the future. “I’m terribly sorry that you have to go through another sixty-five years whilst I can travel back and forth as if the year thirty-nine was in Wales.” “About that, uhh... Should we really hurry?”

“May. Don’t. I have made up my mind. It’s far too dangerous if this fall on someone else’s hand. God knows they have certain things in mind on how to use this.” He closed his eyes and nods, “thank you.” He catches your arm. “Why I’m back here too is perhaps because I listened to the cassette. It was a week after you’re gone, and you haven’t come back. I was worried and helpless. Please understand.” “Well, at least there’s a silver lining to it—that you don’t have to live another sixty-five years to got to thirty-nine! And I’m awfully glad that I know I’m no longer have to do this alone,”

Both you and May bought a Polaroid camera and cassette recorder. The two of you jams together and taped the session, take pictures with the band and Jordan and Jukebox. In your flat, as you put the “proofs” of your existence in 1973, you saw the pic of you with May, Freddie, and Taylor jamming, the one that Deacon took. Something inside of you crumbles. “What happened, y/n? Are you okay?” You didn’t notice you’ve shed tears and it falls on the picture. “No. Nothing happened,”

May sat next to you and grab your hand. You stared at his hazel eyes. “I will miss you and Taylor. I will miss everyone living in this year.” You whisper as you hug him. “You’re a dear friend of mine.” You tighten your hug, and he does the same. You let go and wipe your tears. Before May could say anything you both will regret, you cut him, “we will study this cassette. Promise me you will.” He reaches for your hand one last time, give it a quick squeeze before he stands up and sits somewhere else,

“Ready?” He asks. You nodded. Your eyes never leave his, same goes for him. You both took a deep breath when he clicked the play button...

To be continued...

#queen imagine #bohemian rhapsody imagine #queen band #queen #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #brian may x reader #brian may x reader x roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #tomboy!reader #time traveller au #alternate universe #brian may #roger taylor #john deacon #freddie mercury #gwilym lee #ben hardy #joe mazzello #rami malek #bohemian rhapsody movie

[sparklyjojos]

400 pages into Cosmic, the plot picked up rather fast so here’s a short (’short’) recap of what’s been happening

As a foreword: the JDC books have weird chronology, so while Cosmic was released first, it takes place in January 1994. That’s two months after Tsukumo Juku solved the Geneijo case in Joker (solved it on the day of his 20th birthday, no less: 31.10.1993), and fourteen years after Ajiro Souji and 6-year-old Juku solved The Saimon Family Murder Case. (This chronological mess actually causes Seiryoin to spoil the other books in this. Which I understand, because the tragedy that was Geneijo influenced a lot of character development of the detectives.) After Geneijo, in December 1993, Juku traveled to England to help with the case of Jack the Ripper’s copycat, ‘Jackie the Ripper’, and since he’s still caught up in that case when Cosmic starts, he can’t (yet) go back to Japan to help Ajiro with the Locked Room Lord case. (The real reason is probably that Tsukumo Juku is like Son Goku, if you don’t carefully keep him away from the plot he’ll solve it in five minutes and there goes your tension)

---

So, the second part of the book starts with that thing I quoted about an unnamed mysterious androgynous stranger in a non-disclosed location sending a package with non-disclosed contents to JDC. (Hm, who can that be?)

Then we mostly follow Ajiro Souji, the JDC representative and a telephone detective, who’s having a very bad time. As if the initial murders and Pyramid Mizuno dying wasn’t enough, there’s also the thing where a guy they suspected to be the Locked Room Lord died in the locked room no. 20, and his place had evidence that he knew about the victims beforehand (but how?...). And then one of the newest victims of the Locked Room Lord is just a kid, murdered nowhere else but in Geneijo. That coincidence (or is it?...) spooks everyone in JDC, especially given that Souya -- Ajiro Souji’s son and the assistant of Ryuuguu Jounosuke -- was murdered there during the case just months earlier, and the wounds are still fresh.

(So basically, in 1980 Ajiro solved the Saimon Family Murder Case that had claimed Juku’s family including his birth parents, and then in 1993 Juku solved the case that had killed Ajiro’s son. It’s almost poetic, in a very tragic way...)

Anyway, stressed and exhausted Ajiro falls asleep and has a dream where he talks with Tsukumo Juku, who I guess is how his subconscious is showing ‘reason’ to him (Descriptions of their long-lived intergenerational friendship and mutual trust are really great, btw. Ajiro even notes that just hearing Juku’s voice is enough to calm him down completely, and that everytime they talk on the phone they’re both so happy as if they haven’t heard each other in years. Aww. Ajiro may be sort of a paternal figure to Juku, but it’s too early to tell for sure.) Anyway, dream!Juku tells Ajiro that to solve the current case he should ‘think backwards’, that is, think about the distant past; even more distant than the Saimon family case.

---

Upon waking up Ajiro is told that JDC got a mysterious package: a manuscript signed by a famous detective novel author Dakushoin Ryusui (濁暑院溜水). There are two problems here. 1) Dakushoin died in Geneijo, and the detectives even saw his corpse, and 2) the manuscript describes the first 19 locked rooms... including the ones that happened just hours prior to getting the package.

Other parts of the manuscript are 3 stories happening in 3 different times: in the Heian period, Edo period, and at the beginning of the 20th century. (It seems that what the dream!Juku told him about ‘distant past’ was true, huh.) The first two talk about alleged historical events when a ‘vengeful ghost’ called the Locked Room Lord caused the death of 1200 people each time, the third is about the famous mystery writer Edogawa Ranpo trying to uncover the truth about these events. The latter two stories feature a hundreds of years old man, Hikami Sensai, who relays the previous Locked Room Lord cases to the protagonists by giving them the previous written down stories.

Oh, and then there’s that part of the manuscript that talks about the future, predicting that JDC will fail to solve the case, the Locked Room Lord will complete his plan of killing 1200 people in a year, and then on New Year 1995 JDC will get another message from him that in that year, as well, 1200 people will die...

Ajiro is really spooked now. Soon after, when he calls Juku and discusses the contents of the manuscripts with him, they both suddenly realize they did briefly meet an old man called Hikami Sensai before -- fourteen years ago, right after the Saimon Family Murder Case. (There’s a very cute flashback, with Ajiro telling li’l Juku that he will surely one day grow up to be the pillar of all the detective work in Japan. Juku looks at him in a silent promise, his eyes shining with determination. I can’t overstate how much I love their relations in this.) They also talk about how the Jackie the Ripper Case and the current Locked Room Lord Case may have something in common, but we don’t learn the details.

---

Soon, Ajiro sets up a meeting to discuss the manuscript with other detectives. We meet the rest of the usual JDC cast, among them:

-- Hikimiya Yuuya, the statistics guy with a vast knowledge of mystery novels, usually Tsukumo Juku’s assistant (not now, since Juku’s abroad)

 -- Ryuuguu Jounosuke, the cryptography guy who wears all black, refers to everyone with very polite suffixes while talking about himself in third person, and while he looks really young he’s actually a few years older than Juku

 -- Kirika Mai, who mainly uses reasoning by elimination, who’s trying to figure out who her parents were (they died when she was a baby), and who holds Juku in very high regards after he saved her and helped her get into JDC

 -- Tsukumo Nemu, Juku’s younger sister by adoption (ie. she’s a Tsukumo by birth, Juku is a Tsukumo via being adopted by Tsukumo Ranma), whose reasoning is more based on ‘vague feelings’ about what happened than precise facts. She’s 18 in this book. She and Kirika seem to be great pals and work as partners, probably because tagging along through the Geneijo case made them understand each other

 -- Amagi Hyoma, who mainly drinks and sleeps a lot and I’m not sure what he’s even doing there

We also meet some not-detective assistants, as well as a bunch of police officers, including Tetsuko, an older sister of one of the Locked Room Lord’s victims.

Working together (mostly using Ryuuguu’s cryptography skills) the detectives discover that the names of the victims are all anagrams or otherwise wordplays on the names of the characters in the manuscript. It seems that whoever wrote it was either the murderer, or somebody who knew about the murderer’s plan, and encoded the victims’ names in the charactes’ names as a sort of ‘key’. The question is who wrote and sent that manuscript; Hikimiya (who’s a mystery nerd and read all of Dakushoin Ryusui’s books) believes it was written by Dakushoin judging by the style, word choices etc., but Dakushoin is dead (right?), so what’s going on? Some parts of the manuscript are different than reality, eg. the names of the victims, or that time a guy in one of the locked room stories calls JDC and talks with Ryuuguu -- in reality it wasn’t Ryuuguu, but a guy called Yaiba who picked up the phone. So maybe the writer lost contact with the culprit after some time and just guessed stuff? This entire mess is confusing to everyone.

At the point I stopped reading, the detectives all pair up and start serious investigation, chasing clues needed to discover the truth about the manuscript in many different places -- Dakushoin’s own house; Geneijo; the place where the guy suspected to be the Locked Room Lord lived that apparently has photos and maps related to the victims; a historical literature university group that can probably tell whether the Heian and Edo parts of the manuscripts are genuine or not; and also the place where Ajiro and kid Juku met that mysterious old man fourteen years ago...

---

Impressions so far:

I really, really like the parts with Ajiro and Juku. As you can probably tell.

Welcome to ‘things that only make you cry if you’ve read Tsukumojuku and also care too much about stuff’, featuring my poor detective son having a happy life and loving friends, and Serika and Tsutomu Kirika and Nemu being bffs and detectiving together.

There are some boring stretches, which I expected since Seiryoin’s slow pace is often criticized.

Juku’s biological dad was actually called ‘Ryusui’, even with the same kanji as in [Seiryoin] Ryusui, dkjfhkgjd, I mean yeah Seiryoin technically is his dad but still, really. I feel like at one point I’ll have to pull out one of those old Mary Sue Tests and put Juku through it just to see how many points he gets

The ‘historical’ stories were as expected a hell to read because of some archaic vocabulary and fragments like ‘Emperor X had two sons, Y and Z, and their mother was W, and then Y married J and had kids K and U with her’, that I guess the Japanese reader would recognize as historical figures but I don’t know anything about them and I got a bit lost. Yeah, that’s the fault of my ignorance.

This may sound funny, but if I didn’t know anything about the series and got to this point? I’d probably be 100% convinced that Tsukumo Juku is the Locked Room Lord. Solely because he’s hanging out conveniently away from the plot, and everyone describes him as so kind and smart and unearthly beautiful and trustworthy that he must be tricking everyone, right? I guess Seiryoin is playing on the readers’ expectation... by not playing on their expectations. The thing is, we don’t even know yet that Juku can faint people with his looks (a bit weird since you’d think somebody would mention that already). So all the descriptions like ‘his dangerous beauty’, or phrases that can be read as his looks / voice being both ‘amazingly beautiful’ or ‘terrifyingly beautiful’, or that his face and smile are juuust a little too perfect -- all of it kinda reads as if he’s actually ~secretly evil~, and not a genuinely nice man who just happens to also be basically the world’s least lethal basilisk.

#sparkly reads cosmic #maijo and jdc stuff #long post

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x01 Watching Notes

The common pronunciation around these parts for “Nougat” is "Nugget" FYI

There's a secondary mission here to find out WHY DID DABB TWEET "BUTT SHAKE"?

Expectations: I'd say a good 95% new plot action nonsense to 5% mourning and we've seen all of it in fragments because they're spoiling the good stuff to lure us in; we're doing well as a season if Asmodeus isn't horrifically hammy and looks like he'll be able to carry all the Buckleming episodes they'll surely shove him in, and Jack is either not a pillock or is clearly *supposed* to be a pillock and the writing reassures us of that, although I did start to warm up to him in those tiny glimpses of promo stuff so we might be good there.

Aside from that I'm so superbly chill about this season (not worried about Cas, assuming Mary needs to get back as well, I'm just going on trust that Michael is well cast based on the actor's fanbase after scrolling his twitter the other day and the fact he seems cool in the promo stuff in a way that does not make me nervous unlike the other 2 new characters, and like no preconceptions about what I need this season to be) that I've actually achieved what scientists may have thought was unpossible... I made it through an entire hiatus embedded in the heart of a wanky fandom and I don't really have strong opinions or needs for about what's to come :P

FUCK ME UP, DABB.

-

OH THE TITLE CARD IS GOING TO BE GOOD THIS YEAR

I say after just seeing "the road so far" because that looks classic. I can't remember which other season it most looks like because I'm way too hype but it looks good.

Gah I have the Worst Song Comprehension in the entire world WHAT IS THIS? There's just a montage of TFW hugs of various types going on and

"I never opened myself this way" and Dean in 12x22 opening up Mary and then the FREAKING GRENADE LAUNCHER MOMENT okay so the recap definitely is telling us the meta theme of season 12 in case we missed is so we're all on the same footing for season 13. This family loves each other a lot and we're busting down walls.

I watched the rest of the "road so far" then said out loud, "No. NO." as it wound up nursery first, because "no" are they not even going to show - OH SHIT IT'S THE SAME VIDEO AS THE ONE IN THE SUMMER. NO. We're ending this thing on dead Cas and Dean.

If this is how they mean to play it, I think I wanna take back that "fuck me up Dabb" from the previous point.

-

OH NO  I got tagged in a post like this last week about the bit in 8x19 where Sam goes into Hell and there's the woman there in one of the cages who is like "we've been waiting so long! You finally came!" and like... did I think she meant she was mistaking Sam for Lucifer, and I always think YES that is a GREAT reading for that scene and fuuuuuuck me I should have reblogged that post and gone looking for links to some of the other cool posts about that because that's like one of the small redeeming things about 8x19 to me, because that is just such a good creepy amazing Sam thing and also I am still so freakin bitter that Lucifer was Nick in the cage because he should have looked like Sam and 11x09 and 11x10 should have been Sam v Lucifer!Sam moments because where the FUCK did Nick come from...

Anyway you can probably guess exactly how far I've got into this episode aka 1 entire one word line but it's already completely fucked me up.

If you all don't remember my season 12 experience, yes I am the biggest Destiel shipper on the planet but I actually get super hype for good Sam plot stuff and I dug every moment of the season 12 Sam stuff about his powers and everything and this is a confrontation that *I* personally think was built up and due because of the evolving way it's going - they confronted his past, the parts he had no control over happening to him in season 12, and I surmised that season 13 ought to be about the parts that WERE in his control, and Sam coming to terms with some other old mytharc stuff that happened to him, the way he managed to fuck up the world on a cosmic scale that Jack will have to come to relate to and he can use to guide Jack...

So yeah, this is not the first time this has happened to Sam, but this is definitely the much much better, more potent way it's happened and I am DELIGHTED and we're 1 word into the season :D

-

*Dean stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* Yep I need to go shoot something.

-

YEAH GIANT FLOATING EYEBALL TITLE CARD I KNEW IT.

-

Sauron is the big bad, but where is the one ring.

-

More seriously fuck yeah that gives complete continuity between my watching notes from 12x23 to this one because I am pretty sure I stopped them (aside from final whimpering notes to wrap up) thinking about Sam and Jack with yellow eyes and how this all looped back to the start. And how that was the key visual imagery, the way that Jack had yellow eyes and Sam's whole legacy of that stuff - things I've been screaming about since 12x12 and how it all came back into the story. I mean the scream I made in 12x12 when Ramiel flashed his eyes is a noise I've sort of low-key been making right until this point and I'm just so delighted about this imagery being given such a central place because it's not JUST Jack's eyes, even though he obviously has the most terrifying yellow fire floating around in his eyeballs, the colour is a motif that takes us right back to the beginning in terms of the story...

-

HECK YEAH MARY -

wait

this isn't a recap going to a Mary scene

LOL SUBTLE DABB

This nursery, as we were saying after season 12 ended, is just *soaked* in the vibes of the original nursery from the show... I kinda think the bad energy in that place would probably have given Dean that nightmare ANYWAY but it's symbolically super relatable to everything that's going on, especially as he's got to deal with re-losing Mary, and Sam's dealing with the massive heap of themes about trauma from the Pilot onwards...

I'm sort of vibing with 6x01 re-doing the burning on the ceiling thing to re-start from the start (8x01 also re-started from the start but borrowed different imagery and also addressed Sam's arc through the Trials stuff hence the 8x19 thing and also him talking about how pure he was in 8x21) - obviously we have been saying this all seems like a season 1 re-do in a weird way, especially taking the Winchesters back to basics (but in an awful way), and I think for Sam, just meeting Jack under those circumstances we ended the season on were enough to loop him back to the start, because baby in nursery and yellow eyes blah blah, but for Dean his trauma in the Pilot was Mary specifically (and 1x01 separated out him and Sam that his trauma was Mary, Sam's was Jess - which 8x01 borrowed for Kevin and his girlfriend, because Kevin was always a Sam mirror and had glowing golden god power eyes when he was activated in 7x21)...

So yeah Dean just got a top up of Mary trauma because the fucking WEATHER around here is pilot mirrors.

-

I would assume also probably maybe that was a semi-magical nightmare but I would not fucking put it past them to just show us Dean having a bunch of nightmares and like 7x05 maybe where he woke up from a dead Cas dream, we get stuff like that to show his absolutely wrecked mental state so I'll hold out hope it was kind of just Dean's imagination tormenting him, because we've only seen his nightmares extremely rarely in the absolute worst situations.

Just as a "the show is about more than sam and dean" stance, fuck the shipping, it needs to be so obvious on screen that Dean is suffering from losing Mary AND Cas in a way where it's obvious the dynamic can not just be Sam and Dean any more.

-

OH NO SEAGULLS

(Uh, I mean, they are by a big lake, but yeah they are a bad bad omen. I think there was meta about them circa 10x14, to give an idea of how bad hearing seagulls is.)

-

Wow Sam and Dean are having a lot of bad sleeps now.

-

"Wait, was that -" "Lucifer's son." look, Sam knows how Jack started his life. That he has the concept of "father". That it's about all he's said and all he's motivated by right now apparently. Sam sounds pretty freaked out and putting a LOT of weight on that concept - not "Kelly's son" or "the nephilim" - the fact Jack was born, and asked about Lucifer, and then walked buck naked out of the room and now we ain't got jack on Jack, like... This is a Lucifer related PROBLEM.

I just say, because I am pretty sure Sam's gonna be defending the kid in a couple of minutes so I need to lay out all the thoughts on what Sam knows and his headspace I possibly can as I go.

-

Oh nooo Cas's truck.

And I tell you what, I wrote a meta after 12x23 about how it was impossible to work out where Cas's truck was parked in the entire final conflict, and there was no fucking WAY the Impala and the truck were within shot of each other. Well guess fucking what. They are easily contained within frame now. I know you could just say minor continuity error but that's not why I'm yelling :P 

I'm yelling because I was writing about how the placement of their vehicles shows their closeness to each other or other metaphorical things (such as the no personal space parking job from 9x10 where Dean then pulled away and left the pimpmobile behind) and aside from the super dusty car, I am pretty sure I am saying that Cas's truck has appeared in visible shot because now it's not getting in the way of the action they can use it to symbolically show that Dean and Cas's vehicles are basically flanking the shot - but also they're so far apart and the house, representing Jack, and Kelly, and how Cas died, is between them.

-

(This meta business is like riding a bike :D)

-

Nakey Jack getting the same walk shot as Amara did.

Amara got it because creepy feet.

He's getting it because penis.

-

Hey there's the pirate place Dean's going to punch.

-

Holy shit I have never laughed so hard at the show in my entire life. I had a coughing fit that's scared the neighbour's dog.

(wait, good laugh - 10x15 still owes me a drink)

Salty Butt Combo sounds good anyway.

(this must be why Dabb said "butt shake", the fucker. The absolute fucker. I am going to kill him.)

-

I'm laughing on a meta level too (I mean, hysterically, out loud, but also meta) because especially in season 8 burgers were connected to humanity and Dean's return from Purgatory, and Dean has a history on the show of eating cheesebutts all the time for various reasons... I mean... This is liiiitterally turning Dean's favourite, metaphorically significant, food into butts.

I mean... do I just... run with it? I mean like... is this the new meta thing? We now have to associate Dean digging into a burger with eating ass? I mean what are you doing Dabb?

I actually have a headache now because I laughed too hard and too loud.

-

Please please tell me Jack comes into this place, accidentally kills these dudes, and leaves a trail of destruction that when their supervisor gets to the store to deal with it, the police are like... trying to deal with the bodies but also cracking up a little and finally she looks up and it's like... HIGH SEAS BUTT COMBO

I mean that's going to make it into the newspapers

-

Oh wait, the inventor of the Buttshake is the guy from the police station that was talking to Jack so he's going to at least make it out of this scene.

-

See, that picture of Jack with pants on was in the PR photos and I was like "naaah" and defended that Jack did not have pants on and people didn't believe - no one understood. I knew this was gonna happen and because I don't lay down too much spec and what good would "Jack wanders around buck naked for like the entire first quarter of the episode" have done anyway so I was just making fun of him for being fully grown and naked in the hope that the fact he was naked was a major character trait because it was one of like 2 we knew about him... Yeah I'm feeling vindicated on a crack spec I can't really prove, especially as I was joking that Sam shames him into manifesting pants but I mean... I knew. Guys, I knew.

This has gone from horror to stoner movie classic in about 2 minutes flat.

-

I fucking love this show.

-

ALL THE CREATIVE WAYS THEY HIDE JACK'S NAKEDNESS THOUGH.

I am gonna make a gifset if I can stop cry-laughing for long enough

-

"Hi baby! .... *How naked*?"

Yep.

-

I mean I think it's adorable that Jack wandered down to the nearest place with more people to make enquiries but this is also wigging me out a bit because I thought that the smart thing to do would be to give him like all the functioning knowledge for this world (I do remember a post going around Tumblr that babies learn like 6x Les Mis amounts of words in the womb) BUT start him from scratch but that it would be super hard to pull off, and essentially they've decided to do exactly what I thought was going to be the most intelligent handling of the situation but not exactly the easiest, and he seems to really have been born with a single motivation and the most basic understanding of the world that his little baby cosmic supercomputer brain is going to have to piece together the entire world from context cues and natural intellect to deal with the rest...

I'm all for it as long as they handle his progression well. And don't use him as the ... butt ... of the joke.

-

I assume we all know the butt thing was because Jack is naked and it was joking about the fact he's wandering about butt out but they can't show it so they're just like butt butt butt on the menu board instead.

-

Promo scene! Oh no! We're not thinking about it. Not over it from last night. Dean is piiiissed.

-

Sam saying he had it under control is interesting now we have seen the actual scene in question. Sam did not really have it under control. He was babbling uncertainly like, no I'm not your father and also btw that freaks me out because he HAS possessed me before and being mistaken for him is SUUUPER uncomfortable and he's the reason for like 100% of my trauma past and present, and you're freaking me out... And yeah, between scenes he's decided they can't hunt Jack, that even if he seems to be laser focused on finding his father there has to be hope for him. This context is important: That Sam knows Jack's motivation and what it MEANS on a deeply horribly personal level and is defending him anyway. (I mean that "anyway" in the context of what Sam might think or feel rather than from my perspective where I can see it all from space and obviously Jack is not just any of this and anyway he'll be hunting with them sooner or later and there's presumably hope for Jack in this world...) But yeah, Sam knows how it is, searching for your father, for one thing. Which, interestingly, costuming aside, I don't think there's been MAJOR John and Lucifer parallels (hilarious that Lucifer changed his clothes just in time) in the same way that like, God and John were paralleled at a major narrative level. But now Jack wants to find his dad, which is the season 1 motivation for Sam and Dean, and that makes Lucifer and John narratively paralleled.

I don't think Sam is necessarily defending that Jack came out the womb with a one track mind to find Lucifer (maybe he wants to kill him, we haven't asked the guy his opinion yet) but that of course he thinks Jack can be reasoned with, saved from himself, and Sam relates heavily to being given powers beyond your control, and that there's hope for Jack to have a normal-ish life etc. None of which can be accomplished by just killing him outright.

-

Dean's just mad because Cas is dead and none of this would have happened if not for Jack

There's literally NOTHING TO META over on the Destiel side of things

-

I am feeling the void that they just left Cas there while rushing out to deal with Jack but I guess he's such an urgent problem Cas can wait and the house is remote enough that the milkman isn't likely to come round and see Cas lying dead in the back garden.

-

"Before he hurts anyone else" - he barely hurt you guys, it's more like he banged you up a bit and it was obviously a terrifying display of power and you don't want him to do *even that* again but - I mean - Dean, honey.

-

those words are going to be my approach to him for a while I think :P

-

That sheriff car really pushing the Twin Peaks vibe just because of the mountains on it... Was comparing it last season... Watched Twin Peaks for the first time shortly before the finale and caught Dabb just outright stealing an entire line from one of its episodes.

-

Either the police station is super close or Jack has been unintentionally terrorising the guys in the pirate restaurant for like an hour while just staring at the sign. He's thinking really hard about ordering the salty butt combo.

-

So we're really pushing how creepy Jack is. I mean, duh, it's the first episode and the first like 5 minutes of his screen time so he'll smile scarily for us.

They definitely cast him well for looking like Kelly but also having a really evil looking smirk.

-

Oh no. Cas.

They said Dean put the sheet over him and he's indoors so I guess that scene just happened in between things although right now we have no context for that so unless the angels say they didn't move Cas inside and put a sheet over him we don't have anything but actor confirmation this was a thing that happened, which is, of course, meaningless currency but makes for good headcanons... 

I mean I paused it on his dead face and went "waaaah" so I need to watch the rest of the scene but this is where I'm at going into it anywho.

-

Nope, one angel had to ask which means they are investigating the house which meeeeans that this was how Dean left Cas and it's implied by the subtext that this is what happened in one of those "the subtext isn't an ineffable cloud of possible happenstance, they just didn't show it on screen so this fills in the blank for us" ways and I am not okaaaaaaaaay

Also we have them as our straw man angels - one saying he deserved better (LOL I HOPE ALL THE CAS STANS ARE HAPPY THAT'S BEEN SAID IN THE STORY) and one who is saying he didn't. Representing that Heaven is conflicted about Cas's actions and that some still revered him and some still loathed him.

-

Also the one who hated Cas called Kelly a "Brood Mare" so he's a dick and I hope he gets stabbed pretty soon because we know there's angel stabbings in this episode, and I just was not paying any attention whatsoever to them in the spoilers.

-

So the clothes Jack ended up in were spares from the police station. The kid who worked at the pirate place has come along with them because fuck responsibility (he is so the bad influence cool guy and I hope Jack kinda gets a little puppy love crush on him although he's calling Jack weird still...)

That statement that no one is weird but normal in their own way was really nice though. Positive influences around Jack! Yeah!

-

Hahaha they literally said "Lost and Found" for where the clothes came from. Subtle. Jack's lost and found - he's a spare thing left behind, to be collected by the original owner or taken by someone who needs them more.

I used that phrase for a fic title back in season 12 about Mary about how she had been lost and found - died and came back - but also how she felt lost in the world now and then was found again when someone who related to her situation bonded with her and - okay it just turned into Charlie taking Mary back to her place and them making out but the point is that's the emotional tone I was using the title for. I assume it also applies to Jack's emotional state, but he hasn't been "found" yet and I'm assuming Sam will do that for him, but I don't think they'll go back to their place to play video games, drink a few beers and learn the ways of luuurve.

(I know some people were (crack?) shipping them but even though Jack's an adult now and technically only like... well, the actor would be within the window to have a thing with Sam and for it not to be weird age wise, but the whole framing of it... Jack acting like a grown up baby... yeah. We'll see how it goes but the dynamic wider fandom has built for them has been with Jack as a child. The way I see it is more the intern dynamic if he joins up with TFW, but the way they relate to him will have to be as a child by necessity at least until he's demonstrated emotional and intellectual maturity to them, and even then I think the impression will linger for a while...)

that was a weird side note... these notes are a disaster. Look it's been MONTHS and I didn't do rewatch notes for season 10 over hiatus like I meant so I am out of practice at this.

-

I also took a short break to chat with Mittens to confirm I wasn't going crazy, that WAS the same song as the other video they released in the hiatus, and yep we got the Nothing Else Matters destiel music video as the season opener. No I haven't processed it yet :D

-

Oh gosh Jack remembers his mom (HI KELLY, RIP) and he says she's in Heaven (can't recall his surname), and that memory was basically the footage from the USB stick, so he's internalised that somewhere without watching it. It's 2 influences, good and bad - a pure perfect dead mom (booo tropes the show was supposed to have ditched dramatically via Mary) and a literal satan father who "should have been there" but wasn't - ironically removed from the narrative by the reformed pure dead mom from last season, Mary. These are the two biological influences on him, anyway. The 2 sides of his nature he may struggle with and the way the conflict may be framed for him.

Buuut and here's a thing that might be contentious. So he knew Lucifer was supposed to be there when he was born and that he has to find him? He seems to have had that low level awareness of the world around him even in the womb, or at least was born with messages or some sort of communication from Lucifer lingering in his subconscious. Lucifer seemed linked to him while he was in the womb and I suppose this confirms it may have run both ways. Bleh.

The Jack As A Blank Slate characterisation is good because it excuses his actions from season 12 as done without knowing intent as he's still figuring it all out now, but these lines do implicate him in the actions, by giving him a sense of at least semi-awareness, of having a missive from before he was even born, knowing that he was supposed to find his father.

I think that also goes with Kelly leaving him the USB stick with the message on it - he has a missive from both his parents. Kelly's of course being so positive and hopeful for him, and Lucifer just kinda... being threatening to his goodness by wanting to be anywhere near him.

-

OH GOSH and he remembers burning Dagon. He did have an awareness of what was going on towards the end of the pregnancy!

"I remember the universe screamed" well that would be opening the AU I guess

-

yeah the thumbprinting thing isn't going to do much good :P Blank slate imagery again - he's not on the system, he's new!

-

Oh boy the stoner movie kid is going to have a wild ride explaining this.

Jack's getting better at full sentences though.

-

*blink blink*

-

And that was the Invention of Sarcasm.

Or he was telling the guy how stupid he was like... I have a superior intellect. I know this is a chair and this is a floor and this is the planet earth. Thank you, moronic human who keeps asking me the most obvious questions ever, it's really helping me collect my thoughts and begin to understand my environment. Are all humans as stupid as you?

-

Uhoh, the "I'm hungry" did not bode well with Amara. But is this going to be a fake out? He didn't seem about to attack the guy for his soul, so is he just going to have a whole ton of junk food when we get back and the guy is like yeah I knew he had the munchies so I raided my stash of M&Ms I keep here and it's all good.

I really can't tell how much of Jack's story is Ominous Nephilim Shit and how much is Stoner Bro Movie Lols

-

Here's the context about the curly butt fries line and destroying the world. People took it literally and it always seemed like this would be the context that Dean was putting fake words in Jack's mouth because he does it ALL the time. Like the line about getting bored of croquet so you know what's really fun? MURDER. I love it when he does this. I need to make him do it more when I write him.

-

Anyway Sam understands Jack, he can guess his location. Dean is doubtful and *specifically* mentions torching Chicago I think because of the 5x21 reference to his pizza date with Death. I think that is actually a good comparison because cosmic being but one who was a good ally in his own massive cosmic way. It's a nice omen. Dean is being wrong/right with his sarcasm. It's complicated :P

The fact he is letting Sam go in there also means he doesn't think that Jack is in there probably because the shack is still standing. Sam is going to go find clues! But while they're sitting in the car and Dean's sending Sam into a shack alone I can't help but remember 2x21 which was of course where Sam got snatched in a fast food shack and Dean asked for pie and it aaaaall began. I also wonder why Dean punches the sign and that makes me think that something might happen to Sam somehow although I can't guess how.

-

I have never related to anyone more than Drunk Fries Girl except I've done it in reverse, just missing the deadline on hashbrowns in McD's and stomping out of the store instead of just ordering fries :P

-

Sam deals with the awkwardness of asking for a tall naked guy with a level of composure Dean wouldn't manage in a million fucking years.

That's the entire meta.

-

You were right, Sam!

-

Sam's asking after Jack as the FBI and it's a way to not have him act as his father on the phone. But the thought occurred to me and I wonder if it passed Sam's mind or if he's judged Jack's age that they're not terribly far apart - less than 10 years.

I don't think they're really playing into this comparison right now anyway - like it was just for the opening scene, or the sheriff would have asked, "are you his father" and put Sam into the awkward position and THEN have him say that he's an agent.

-

This is literally the best exchange in the entire show because Sam is having to pretend to be FBI while talking about Jack, with Fries Girl and Over Enthusiastic Pirate Guy watching, and his eyes just went to the cheesebutt menu and he saw it and he did not laugh on the phone. 

I think Sam is strong and brave and of pure heart and fuck the "trials" or whatever the fuck shows the measure of a man, he just passed through the fucking abyss and came out the other side because he didn't laugh at Cheesebutt.

And, look, I laughed at the cheesebutt thing and the way it reflects hiiiilariously on Dean and the burgers thing. We all laughed at it. But Sam just blinked off in short succession a gay accusation and the urge to laugh at cheesebutt like it didn't even fucking affect him and I am just

I

Dabb

what

-

At the end of 12x23 my only conclusion was "i have been mindfucked"

and I thought

maybe season 13 will be you know... normal

Dabb it has been 15 minutes and I am so fucked up about everything :P

-

And now we cut to Dean with his messed up knuckles. Did he just go punch something off-screen?

(You know, the pirate sign that he punched in the promo for a totally random out of nowhere example of punchable things in the vicinity)

I hope he's not coping so badly that we're getting it in angsty flashbacks because that blood was not there before. And angsty flashbacks basically mean Destiel is canon.

OH NO FRIES GIRL IS HERE.

The drunk are an open and friendly people... Is she going to get Dean to open up? She's literally infodumping her life story on him because she's been up all night and her feet hurt and no one will give her fries, and I think she's about to fucking put the moral of the season in Dean's head somehow I don't know yet because I have literally paused because I was contemplating removing the dash between me bitching at Dabb for the wonderful fucked up episode and this commentary on it :P

Yep she told him that she punched Becky's stupid Elsa poster (what is Dabb's deal with Elsa from Frozen? Does he have a small daughter we don't know about that inflicted Let It Go on him in a loop? :P) and lit all her stuff on fire and started rambling about just burning the world down in her rage.

And then called Dean sensitive to Sam and this is amazing because her drunk wisdom sees right through his shit. I love fries girl.

-

I LOVE Fries Girl, she wrote "bitch" on the car :D :D :D

was THIS why Baby is all dusty? People are writing rude words all over everything this episode. I mean it's like a theme. A theme of desecration and burning the world down around you and who gives a flying fuck about consequences - you can change all the menu items to Butt because your mom's the sheriff and banging the guy who owns the restaurant or whatever, and if your roommate is a bitch, burn down all her things.

I mean then she writes it on the car which is sort of ominous about all their stuff being burned up.

I mean Dean did have that dream about Mary

He's lost Cas, that's his world burning down around him.

-

It's... Look, it's weird they have put off whatever Dean did in the intervening time Sam was eyeing up the cheesebutt menu to show later because we know we see it later because there's a hanging "what happened to your knuckles" question and we saw the clip in the promo. It's a storytelling decision to delay this, and we just see Dean dealing with it by drinking, splashing some alcohol on the cuts, and that's that for now.

What a fucking mess. Dean. Honey.

I suppose to keep the action flowing we deal with Jack but Dean's emotional story is running alongside it and it's being put off, held back... but it's not being held back forever. It's going to be opened up to us. But for NOW we just see kinda what Sam and outsiders see - the same thing I was meta-ing about the promo scene, about how they kept us outside the car for that conversation, about how we're not being allowed into Dean's grief and not being able to name Cas is another thing, another delay, another inability to confront it, just... we're outside, we're watching Dean struggle from afar. From Drunk Fries Girl POV.

-

This episode is fucking magnificent.

-

Maybe Jack is eating Clark, which is the name apparently of the kid.

-

Or are they laughing?? I think I heard laughter?

-

LAUGHTER and the munchies fake out.

I love you Dabb.

This literally says EVERYTHING about Jack and I now trust him completely.

-

Jack's first part of the story has gone from ominous to what a fucking cutie. He might not actually be a stoner but he's adorably sort of mascot-y to this guy and it's just hilarious that he can be like fuck the system I want candy, let's misuse my powers to get more candy because I love nougat. I mean I was wrong that the world would be saved in 13x23 because of trousers because that was a joke but I am legit thinking that this Human Things redux arc for Jack is going to save us all because fucking nougat. And that's a serious spec you can hold me accountable for at the end of the season.

The fact they're sitting on the floor giggling together is just sweet. Jack is learning about friendship so I doubt he would hurt Clark intentionally now, so if Clark does get hurt by Jack it's going to be a tragedy. Maybe something to show Jack how dangerous his powers are and make him want to be more careful and respectful to human life. I think Clark maaay be in the firing line as an adorable toy that gets mangled because Jack doesn't know how rough he's playing >.>

-

Also Jack you should probably not eat so much candy, because you'll get sick.

-

OH NO JACK. Is angel radio messing with your head?

-

OH NO he hurt the sheriff!

-

OH NO this is how he does the lights blowing walk? IT's AWFUL. PROTECT MY CANDY LOVING GIANT MAN BABY.

-

SAM TASED HIM

NO

-

I am so upset. I apparently am extremely protective of my Nougat and angel radio hurts him and they're yelling about him and want to kill him and he's sensitive too :<

(whatever wizardry Dabb wove with the stoner movie subplot worked.)

-

Sam and Dean are not hailed as heroes for stopping Nougat, they're arrested to and given the first ever proper search to confiscate all their guns and knives by a cop who knows what the fuck she is doing. Now Dean has to answer for themselves, using his real name and actual job. He's not got a fuck to give.

-

She asks him if he's a superhero and some part of Dean just crumbles away inside and he says no. In 9x07 especially there was a strong theme of Dean being a superhero and Thinman also had superhero comparisons to them and it was part of the shine of the job wearing off - one of the more subtly horrible Dean moments in season 9 is that superhero action figure melting on the hob yelling "I clobber evil!" into a horrifying mangled sound. I think I just saw his face convey the exact same symbolic awfulness just in his eyes. Fuck you Jensen.

Note to self: gif that if somehow or other someone else hasn't yet.

I mean it's all shattered because the illusion is gone, Dean has nothing left to live for, he's just a guy doing a job. There's no meaning, no personal glory, no one to do it FOR. He's just the tool that gets it done because it has to be done, because what fucking benefit does he get from any of it if the job is also just watching everyone he loves die. That doesn't make him feel like a superhero that makes him feel like total bleak nihilism where you might as well just be upfront and dead inside and tell the truth because what's even the point of lying.

This episode has a lot of nihilism but some of it is fun buttburger style and some is killing me inside :P

-

Also Dean had to confirm angels are real, and the look on his face when he does THAT is ALSO AWFUL. Because everything is awful.

All that baggage where confirming angels are real he knows what people think. He knows what HE thought. He knows how what he thought was different from what other people thought about angels (see: the entire conflict between him and Sam in 2x13) and what angels eventually became to him. That one angel WAS watching over him. That there was one who broke the pattern and was ... Cas.

Help.

-

I tell you what I thought while I was getting dinner... This is the first time I've felt like we're in a show run by the guy who helped create Plucky's.

This is the tone. This is the exact right mouthfeel for Dabb era. This is what it SHOULD be.

-

FINALLY the Sam and Jack confrontation we deserve!

Sam is getting through and chatting! Jack is talking about why he was scared which is nice and symbolic about sharing and caring feelings for better communication and understanding!

Sam's still scared of being in the same room as Jack, flinching when he moves, much like when he's around Lucifer. He's legit scared of a thing and Sam is the biggest badass hunter in the world (like, no offence Dean, you have an impressive and showy history but in terms of brute strength and raw badass mofo power it's Sam :P He's Sam Fucking Winchester and you have a much more personal, over-dramatic flair to the big kills and such)

Jack moves forward intently because he doesn't know that this much eagerness is a trait stamped out of adults, and sits cross-legged, childish, but still imposing. He's learned cross-legged is a fun way to sit and I'm really liking the choices here to make him both naive and powerful.

-

He's fucking sitting with the Mr Burns hands i knew it i knew this was going to be a trait of his, I called it from like 2 promo pics. God damn I'm good at reading body language from just a few stills :P He's exactly what I was expecting but in full 3D animation.

It's just... a cute weird trait. He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he just rests them where they are and lets them hang, because he doesn't have any tics or mannerisms. He's mannerismless. He's so new he hasn't got the faintest trace of social anxiety. This is a raw, undamaged soul.

I am going to weep when Nougat gets hurt in the bits that make him so sweet.

-

See now he's apologising for hurting people.  He sounds so confused when he says "I'm sorry" like he's sounding out the concept but the great thing is he's learning 1000 miles an hour. Anna told Cas he doesn't know what it is to be sorry and Cas still struggled with it in season 7 in the "playing sorry" game and only in 9x11 expressed that he truly understood empathy and human emotion now. Jack tries on an emotion for size, discovers it, and now seems to be fairly earnest about it.

-

Sam: *blink blink*

Sam was RIGHT. <3

-

Hahahah he says Kelly is a part of him. Another point for me! That was one of my specs for how he got to learn English and concepts so fast - that the reason it's fatal to birth him is because he's going to not just absorb the basic baby stuff like nutrients and stuff but he's going to suck her dry of facts and concepts and that's what destroys her. It's like what Amara did but far more complex.

Damn, I'm sorry you had to die for this Kelly, this is a pretty terrible idea in some ways. I better not overthink it.

He just said that his powers are him but not him - he sees them as something other from himself. The whole deal that he needed to be born powers and all, that taking the grace was taking a part of him - yeah. The Cas argument about his grace too, that it can be removed from him and he'll still be Cas, the grace is just power... If Jack sees it as a separate part of himself, a "Not Me" part of himself... That's a huge thing.

-

Oh my fucking GOD He thinks Cas is his FATHER OH NO OH NO OH NO OOOH NOOO.

(Also thanks a LOT people reading along with me for not telling me. Look, the analysis about Sam thinking it was Lucifer and Dabb's BIG Nougat Fake Out build up were all like... how it was meant to be read :P I guess that's why they backed off the father thing for Sam immediately after using it in the one place it would hurt the most.)

I mean Cas did basically act as the co-parent with Kelly and I am pretty sure our Nougat has some lines crossed here and OH MY GOSH DABB YOU MAGNIFICENT FUCKER

See when I said they were making Jack look SUPER FUCKING CREEPY when he was naked at the drive in obviously that was a fake out because I knew he was gonna be hunting with them later but oh my fucking fuck de fuck I want to go back and watch Jack's bits all over again where he's wandering around naked (as Cas is wont to do) asking for his father because FUCK.

He's born as Cas and Kelly die and now he's wandering around asking for Cas and that whole opening, that whole build up where he seems sinister... He remembered Cas all along... Oh gosh I said some things about him back there... I should go back to that scene immediately.

...

I nearly cracked a fucking joke that Jack doesn't have a last name just like Cas and it turns out that scene was a joke about Jack not having a last name because Cas is his father and HE doesn't have a fucking last name.

I hate everything.

"I'm trying to find him. I have to find him" YEAH SO JACK IS ON THE "WHERE IS CAS" TEAM AND THERE'S ANGELS SAYING CAS DESERVED BETTER, I THINK DABB HAS BEEN READING THE BLOGS AGAIN. 

Jack picked Cas to be there to be his parent and guide when Cas said that thing about being his guardian to show him the righteous path and Jack heard it from the womb and was like YES I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU and that was that, Cas was his father now. Found family in the extreme. Who is the best family, the good family? I'll have that one please.

Oh gosh and now it's sadder that the sheriff was asking for a phone number or address because Cas HAS those. He has a HOME.

...

Anyway back to the Sam and Jack scene, which I already watched through but I want to watch AGAIN DAMMIT.

Gosh this is magnificent though because it puts Cas so squarely in the middle of everything - even though he's dead he's Jack's focus and he's Jack's moral centre and everything that is good about Cas is what Jack wants to beeeeeee and oh my gosh is he going to choose the Winchesters to be his new guardians because they were Cas's family? HELP ME.

-

I'm still kinda not over Jack completely becoming Kelly in the womb and being born by sucking her goodness out from the inside.

What a godawful parenting metaphor/commentary on the mother's sacrifice.

-

Oh and the door to the other world thing as the lead in to talking about his father? I was so sure it was going to be about Lucifer and then -

oh god I am in pain.

Because he diverts from talking about the portal to talking about needing to find his father to protect him and I was like A: well you need the portal for that and B: nooo, Nougat, you don't need that fucker in your life! and then -

oh.

Ow.

-

Anyway Sam's face while talking about Cas is just... ARGH. And Jack's so earnest and happy about Cas protecting him and how he had to grow up

-

And then poor Nougat's face when Sam tells him Cas is dead and he's SO ANGRY. And THAT, my dear Nougat, is how you get to the lovely position of being furiously vengeful against your birth father in order to avenge your chosen father and I am delighted.

Cas is Jack's Bobby.

-

OH NO Clark has gone out to smoke with headphones. He's so gonna get angel murdered if Jack's not gonna kill him (because he is a soft squishy nougat person) and then Jack's going to be even more hurt.

STOP HURTING JACK.

-

FRIES GIRL IS AN ANGEL.

-

THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

-

SAM, TELL DEAN ABOUT THE CAS'S SON THING.

HE SAID LUCIFER'S SON, THAT'S NOT HELPFUL.

I suppose Sam doesn't want to convey that to Dean because he knows how Dean is with concepts he hates because he's currently flippantly talking about killing "Damien" out back rather than engage with the subject matter, but tbh I think bringing up Cas would be such a knock to the feels that Sam might be able to get in the line that "this kid seems to have a Cas-guided morality" while Dean is still emotionally picking himself up.

-

AHAHAHA Dean said "that won't do jack against her" - he's still using "jack" as a phrase

-

Dean's Becky... what a surprise :P Maybe Fries Angel writing "Bitch" on the car wasn't subtle enough.

The angels find Dean an annoying roommate whose drama they're always having to deal with.

Mittens just reminded me I wept about 9x07 to her and the poor melting action figure and how the angels want to burn Dean down. I am not okaaaay.

-

OOOH we're getting angel radio now because Jack's our in!

I don't think their eyes normally light up to communicate with it but new season new rules and this must be a mechanic we're dealing with more than just this one example.

Poor Clark - Jack briefly had a friend, learned to sit cross legged and eat nougat from him, and now his friend who made him laugh is dead. It's a HARD LIFE being a Winchester.

-

Also the main Winchesters are getting smashed up

Wait Dean just got back up with STYLE. Nice fight

-

Hey Clark is still alive-ish... Maybe Jack can heal him.

-

OH NO BANISHING HURTS NOUGAT TOO.

That was some great quick thinking by Sam.

Guess walls affect it or Fries Angel was too far away.

-

Fries Angel needed to stick around to deliver some Destiel exposition that she knows Dean's first thought to "Jack can do anything" was not "I will use him to reopen that portal and get mom back" but "I will get him to resurrect my dead angel" and just immediately goes from that to crushing Dean about Cas's death

"Castiel, he's dead. All the way dead. Because of you."

That is.. the worst line

-

"Or what, Other One?" Jeeeze the angels really do have more of a beef with Dean about the whole Winchesters thing for some reason. That really means in a couple of lines of exposition that every time heaven has mocked Cas about The Winchesters they really have meant Dean... Just, you know.. remember who wrote the eeny meeny miney mo scene for a sec, back when he had to be subtle about Dean calling Cas but that just being a random happenstance to what the angels were talking about, essentially :P

-

Oh no she stabbed Nougat!

I assume he doesn't die because... you know.. spoilers.

-

He's got his own Cas-like pull the blade out moment, but... Wow.

-

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE SAID THE LINE "I'M FINE" ON THIS SHOW AND MEANT IT

IT IS A NEW ERA

NOUGAT IS THE HERALD OF BETTER TIMES

-

Poor guy is stunned and confused and a little hurt though.

-

Oh no Clark is fine but going to hospital. I mean I assume this means doctors will help him. His mom is telling him he'll be brave and so on.

-

Poor Nougat is so sad about how horrible this world is. Cas isn't here to protect him and Sam and Dean just did a moderately adequate job at fending off the angels while getting the shit kicked out of them because angels are scary and powerful again.

-

Sam tries to bring up the keeping Jack thing again and Dean's like yeah we can keep him but he's evil so I guess that means you clean up the mess a la taking a puppy home? 

Dean's still convinced Jack is evil and brainwashed Kelly and Cas - it's kinda more terrifying that he BECAME Kelly and absorbed her, and I do think he chose Cas to be his father and none of it was malicious, and they gave him the love and promise of protection he needs to be good and all and it's a billion times more nuanced than Dean thinks... He's being protective of Cas, depressed about their life and their chances... I think he's going to be pretty wrong about Nougat because from 12x19 it was obvious he had chosen Cas BECAUSE Cas was good and would protect him. Even when he didn't think he could do it himself. So I think Jack, uh... motivated Cas... because he wanted him... Like, I still think Jack did shit to Cas because he did creepy shit to Kelly which we're apparently going to move on from because he is an adorable squishy guy who I want to follow with a blanket and a stick to beat off people who will wear him down. But yeah, 12x19 is super weird and I don't *like* the method Jack acquired his mom and dad, even if I do think that he's not evil and the end result seems extremely positive if he popped out the womb determined to find Cas, and has a Cas-centric morality. Loving Cas is obviously the good and best thing you can do on this show and it's vindicating in spades he's a nice guy because he loves Cas and considers him a father for the protection he offered.

(Still think if he was pure good to start with he'd have SAID "hey I plan to be born a full grown adult, you don't need these diapers" but that WAS what caused him to open the rift so maybe his attempt to warn Cas went astray... :P)

But yeah I still find Jack "choosing" Cas to be his father and to create that bond out of nothing, almost instantaneously, to be a little suspect in the happenstance of it, even if as I've been saying all along I have been completely open to him turning out to be, well... Nougat.

-

But Dean doesn't care, he wants to kill Jack. "At least the only people he can hurt there are you and me" WOW DEAN.

WWWWOOOOOOW.

-

OH NO OH NO OOOOH NOOOOOOOOO O OoOOOOooooOOOooo o Sam is saying "are you sure about this Dean? It's Cas" - I assume in reference to burning him rather than burying him and Dean's gonna be like, Fries Angel said he was dead as dead. 

I don't wanna see it.

"You don't think I've tried that" OH NO

Here's the flashback! Told you it was coming! (You have all seen this episode no one is mad enough to wait 18 hours just to watch for the first time with my notes) But yeah as I was saying, sidelining Dean's emo stuff to focus on the action, to set it aside, to put us away from it, to keep it back for when it would hit most. To do some god damn STORYTELLING around here. Some fucking ardfgjhlsksdfhjklslhfdjqp storytelling. That when all the action is done, when Dean has been ground down into a fucking paste by this day, the day of having to come to terms with the loss of Cas, when we know he went off to have some private punching things time and Sam was being the least gay to possibly gay in the comic stoner movie side of the story, Dean was having a moment SO POWERFUL that it could ONLY be conveyed to us by not showing it happening until we were deeply, truly, in the context of Dean mourning Cas and where we could focus on that with nothing left to distract us that this is the Worst.

-

.... I have been sitting here not pressing play for over 10 minutes

-

OH NO

I have paused it immediately

because they used the camera angle from Baby

the Roadhouse one

and the one from the fight where Cas was on the phone

-

so uh

Add hysterical weeping to the things this show makes me do because I was one stoic snarky hahaha isn't this ridiculous Jack planned to adult all along so the diapers thing was a massive prank kinda person and then bam Dean went out back to pray and I was scream-crying and then he said Cas was his everything and I am never going to be chill again

-

Okay, Chuck… or god, or whatever. I need your help. See, you– you left us. You LEFT us. You went off. You said… You said the earth would be fine because it had me… and Sam, but it’s NOT, and we’re NOT.

We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. Okay? You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back Mom, you’re gonna bring ‘em all back. All of ‘em. Even Crowley.

’Cause after everything that you’ve done, you OWE us, you son of a bitch. So you get your ass down here and you make this right, right here and right now.

Please. Please help us.

-

Thanks Mittens.

So.

Uh.

-

First name basis with the guy upstairs: this is a personal appeal in case he ever actually cared. (Spoiler alert: I don't think Dean is going to come out of this with a better opinion of God)

*I* need your help. Not we, *I*. This is on Dean's behalf for Cas.

He brings up the line which we went into Dabb era on and I ripped to shreds critically at the time that Chuck ever put that burden onto Dean because he has some broad ass shoulders but they are not big enough for the world and his whole problem is he's always been carrying it in the first place so Chuck didn't do SHIT to make him feel better AND NOW DEAN IS CRITIQUING THE CARETAKERS OF THE EARTH IDEA. THAT IT SHOULD NOT BE HIS BURDEN. MAYBE NOT BECAUSE HE CAN'T DO IT BUT BECAUSE HE SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO DO IT. He was singled out as the firewall between light and dark but he doesn't feel like a superhero. He doesn't clobber evil. He's being STRIPPED DOWN AS A PERSON. WHO EVEN IS HE. WILL DEAN QUIT HUNTING? JESUS CHRIST, I SAID THAT LINE IN 11x23 WAS AWFUL FOR DEAN BUT I DIDN'T THINK DABB WAS GONNA GO *THERE*

And he says the world isn't fine - and they're not. Their emotional state reflects the world. The centre of the universe thing, in the storytelling, makes the world reflect Dean. His misery or happiness is on a cosmic scale. This tangledupness of him in the middle of it all is killing him because the world will be in danger and that can't all land on him. He can't be the Atlas of this world. But he is. OH how he is. But this isn't a world with superheroes. Just HUMAN GUYS DOING THEIR JOB.

And then the transition. The terms and conditions. The "you have given me a fucked up burden so pls unfuck it and here's how" swinging around from "everything" to "him". The implicitness of it all. The... The fact everyone knows it's about Cas. It's not about Mom. It's not about Crowley. He can say their names. He couldn't say that Cas was dead. Fries Angel immediately identified it. Cas is the answer to all the questions, where all roads lead. And they've come back to the house where he died, FOR Cas, and Sam asks about praying and Dean has already asked and got no answer, already been told Cas is permadead, and THIS is where we deliver the bombshell. Everything flows into "him".

Cas is Dean's everything.

And yeah he wants Mary back and fuck it fuck you God fuck everything just fucking include Crowley to because why the fuck not, you owe me. All that pointless stupid death and loss, it's enough to make me feel bad that Crowley is gone.

And oh the wank over the summer he would ask for Crowley back too (and I smacked the desk and hooted with laughter, with tears still in my eyes, reeling from the "everything" line because I called the way Dean would ask for him back. I knew it!), it just... Even Mary doesn't compare because she's tacked on in the repetition, the clarification that everything is him is Cas. And it's totally fine for Dean to ask for these others he's lost back, for them to be in the same sentence as Cas, because yes he lost them and it hurts and it's awful, but there is a very special awful reserved for Cas. The kind of awful where Sam has to pause and ask Dean if he's sure, if he doesn't want to find a way to bring him back. And we ALL know we're not supposed to bring people back because there's consequences. We're all adults in the room, they both have done it, seen and FELT the consequences for having it done TO them. But Sam knows. He just knows what happens when it's someone like Cas. And maybe we don't have any more bullshit, we just ask politely and carefully if this is going to be a "bring them back at any cost" situation, and how can I help?

And then at the end of the prayer Dean cracks out the exact look and angle of expression for his Plea To God face that he has used... once. In 5x14. When utterly at the end of his rope. This is what losing Cas has brought him to - the lowest point, the one back in season 5 that was a danger to the guardianship of the world lumped on Dean's shoulders, because it was where he was when he nearly said yes to Michael, the despair cycle he couldn't deny any more at the time... Yeah, this has kind of seen and waved at season 7 on the way to hurtling all the way back to the Worst Dean Has Ever Felt To Date.

-

Nice.

-

And Dean has given up all faith in God ever helping them or caring about them.

-

OH NO

NOUGAT

Sam has taken him to see his dead mom. :(

Time to grapple with the concept of loss.

*beeps her big toe*

Oh Nougat I truly feel bad for you now. Look at his big soft face. He consumed her to gain his life and powers and his intelligence and his GOODNESS and oh no that means he's gonna feel baaad about it.

-

But Dean is downstairs with Cas, alone. Can this episode get any fucking worse.

-

THOSE SERIES OF ACTIONS QUALIFY AS WORSE I AM WEEPING AGAIN.

Oh god Dean.

You should have told him.

You should have fucking told him.

-

Oh Nougat you... sweetie. He has no clue what to say. :(

Sam tells him to say thank you, because he devoured Kelly, and to say sorry.

-

Oh Sam, he's crying for Cas as well.

-

OH NO Dean's so defeated about Mary it's just... UGH.

I assume these are the first things he says today where he gets immediately proven wrong - I assume the last scene will be a hop across the universe lines.

"They're all gone"

This is simultaneously the best Sam stuff in 1000 miles of canon and the worst Dean episode ever and I am in agony.

-

Yep that billisecond of footage was completely right. Sam is sad, Jack, who we didn't see, is struggling sweetly with the concept of death and what it means and how to act and feel right now, and Dean... has checked the fuck out.

-

RUN, MARY

-

I LOVE HER.

-

FUCK YOU LUCIFER BTW

-

Ugh her face is like mine when he says he needs her. The shot looks like the fucking Titanic poster. I'm assuming they do not get very far before Michael gets involved, though.

I'm gonna go back to ugly-crying about the rest of this.

-

This is Dabb's best solo episode hands down. I laughed, I cried, I struggled with the complex philosophy of being human and if you should consume your mother from the inside out in order to be born as a full-grown man.

I think I'm keeping Nougat.

#13x01 #season 13 spoilers #I say fuck every 3 words #also fuck you dabb and your fucking nihilistic stoner comi-tragedy nightmare of a show #Dabb vs cars #my stuff

[motorcyclegirlfriends]

Also, people view Chyler as like a LGBT champion(and I do find her amazing, don't misunderstand), but her and Melissa are really close. She's said in an interview her kids call her aunt Melissa. So like, if people really champion Chyler that much, shouldn't people trust her judgment of Melissa a bit more. Like she's actually speaks to her and knows her personally.

But if you confront these fans with that, they’d likely come up with a reason that Chyler actually hates Melissa now. 

Off the top of my head, they’d say something like… 

“Chyler didn’t defend Melissa on social media, so she must be angry with her. These tweets that happened after SDCC-

-were created by the Supergirl publicist. You can tell by how they copied the two girls dancing together from her past tweets about their sisterhood, before she realized what Melissa is really like. The emoji of the girls doesn’t even make sense here lmao the Supergirl publicist is so bad at their job omfg”

or alternatively, closer to what I’ve actually seen regarding this-

“Chlyer probably doesn’t even know about the SDCC event. Or she only heard it from their side. She would probably agree with us if she knew what really happened, but she might never know how Melissa really is.”

There’s been a general tendency to frame the actors of Supergirl who are on good terms within this fandom against the actors who are not, at all logical costs.

And so as soon as the fandom has issue with an actor, even if they all previously were perceived as having an amicable or close relationship with the other members of the cast, the fandom will suddenly act like the “good” cast members hate this cast member. 

For instance,

David

When the musical recap first dropped, people were making posts that put thoughts into David Harewood’s head, proposing that he was embarrassed by Melissa and Jeremy.

The infamous letter to Melissa’s publicist even said “[…] save for Katie Mcgrath and David Harewood who appeared uncomfortable […]”

And that’s what most fans on that side of the debate seemed to believe.

But then David tweeted-

Which just speaks to how flawed many fans’ interpretations of the meaning behind the cast’s actions are.

So now he’s on the other side of the line, and the fans have moved from acting like he’s super close with Katie and Odette and they’re all against Mel and Jeremy, to acting like the ‘good guys’ actually hate him too.

Mechad

Mehcad’s fallout is weirder, because it felt like some fans initially didn’t want him on the ‘good side,’ though I do remember seeing post that were pro- Katie, David, and Mechad vs the rest of the cast before they turned around.

I’d been kind of avoiding people who were overreacting to the event by the time the anger spread to Mehcad, but looking back at Mehcad’s tag, people thought he said “Zitta” ( “shut up,” in Italian) in response to Katie saying that art can be interpreted in many different ways (referring to supercorp). And then I think? I remember seeing more criticisms, based on that belief, of Mehcad speaking Italian? Don’t take my word for it.

But he really rather clearly was saying “take that.” (Watch this. Op thought Mehcad said “Take that” then “zitta zitta”, but in the second instance he was actually saying “take tha take tha” quickly. Look away from the video when it says “Zitta zitta” and listen for the “t” sound in the beginning of the phrase.)

Because this is such a big leap to me, I do wonder if those who believed it wanted to be angry with Mehcad. And the originator of this idea didn’t appear to speak italian, so it’s not as naturally occurring a mishearing, which makes me wonder if they were looking for it to be negative.

Then Mehcad responded to someone’s comment on instagram (I’m not sure if he’s said anything else about it) and people had a somewhat less ridiculous reason to “cancel” him.

Note: “I’m a member of the HRC so I can’t be homophobic” is an incredibly misleading simplification of what happened

A piece of the comment he responded to, relevant sections to his response bolded:

“You don’t get to decide if we the queer fans you supposedly support can or cannot be sad over this because even tho you supported the community at some point it doesn’t come as genuine right now when we see things like that horrible interview in which only katie mcgrath was demonstrating to be a real ally in defending the fans views, that’s how you treat your fans who have supported you through this years and helped this show get bigger! […] 

So next time try to educate yourself before speaking […]”

His response:

“don’t post to my page again if you’re going to be rude. I don’t supposedly support anyone. I’m a member of the HRC. I’ve consistently supported all human rights. Race and preference included. You don’t know me. Do your research.”

Essentially, he was responding to accusations that he is ingenue in his support of lgbt+ rights and accusations that he is uneducated about lgbt+ issues.

Kind of, ‘I don’t supposedly support queer ppl, I actively support them.’

He wasn’t saying “I am a member of the HRC so that gives me a free pass,” he was responding directly to an accusation that he isn’t a real ally.

Side note: My own issue with “only katie mcgrath was demonstrating to be a real ally in defending the fans views” - 

Not only did Katie initially laugh at the musical recap (before remembering the wlw fans that she, more than anyone in the cast, has had contact with. These fans have followed her and interacted with her since her “breakout” so she’s likely the most sensitive to their possible reactions), but Mehcad also supported Katie’s affirmation that fans can read what they want from the show with his “take that”, and also showed a visible reluctance to support Jeremy when he said that he debunked Supercorp.

Which makes the anti-Mehcad upsurge kinda sad because he seemed to be on Supercorp’s side, in a way.

Side note, similar to the Mehcad situation:

“Melissa said ‘I can’t be homophobic because I was on Glee’” is again, incredibly misleading.

There is of course some question of the validity of the note, but assuming that it’s real, this is the actual quote from Melissa’s publicist (not Melissa herself. Honestly I guarantee that she hasn’t even read the letter):

“You’ve indicted people who are genuine ambassadors of acceptance, compassion and equality and have proven as much, not on only Glee but on SUPERGIRL and in their own personal lives.”

Her publicist said this kind of within the context of ‘advice’, saying things such as, “However, as an activist, it’s very important that you take a step back before inflicting public scorn.”

My read was that it wasn’t an argument against Melissa being homophobic, but an argument for the writer to think about what she’s doing. To consider that she’s punishing people who want to help and have tried to help, for things they didn’t do.

(Of course, someone who wrote a letter “on behalf of LGBT women” would feel "disrespected and patronized" by advice and criticisms from someone with professional experience in public relations)

(I also wonder if the publicist kinda knew that Glee wasn’t enough, considering her phrasing of “not on only Glee.” But I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t realize that Glee isn’t exactly highly regarded in lgbt+ spaces. It’s not a discourse straight people are usually familiar with.)

But putting the words “I can’t be homophobic because I was on Glee” into Melissa’s mouth is ridiculous and a move made only to further tarnish her image on this website.

Melissa

Before any of this, a lot of Supercorp fans wanted to put Melissa in the “demon” category. 

Any news that was ambiguous in meaning was read in the worst possible light until there was a backlash in the form of a more positive interpretation (usually from Supercorp shippers who like Kara), and they’d back off for a bit.

Now I’m not sure if this was in response to Melissa beginning to date Chris Wood, or because of an urge to prop up Katie Mcgrath as the one who deserves more attention than the lead. Maybe both. (Maybe neither, I’m open to alternate interpretations.)

Chris

Chris had a falling out, but they never put him on the good side. He was neutral/in waiting for the bad side because of who he plays.

But they couldn’t “strike,” so to speak, because Chris Wood himself hadn’t actually done anything. There was likely some degree of anti-Chris posts, but there were also regular reminders from the some bloggers that, “Chris Wood is not Mon-El, don’t send him hate.”

Then, I think it was his first (?) video interview about Supergirl in which he very clearly liked Mon-El and Karamel, and that was enough reason for him to be considered evil incarnated.

And so the “Chris Wood is not Mon-El” posts died down in response to the idea that ‘he endorses Mon-El’s behavior.’

(My read of Wood is that he knows that Mon-El isn’t like… Doing the Right Things, but sympathizes with him and thinks he is getting better. Over sympathizes. He thinks it’s interesting or compelling or whatever, like a lot of people do. As a society we have way too much sympathy and interest for man-children and their ‘accidental misogyny’ turned ‘okay person’. But it’s not an uncommon reaction to this kind of character, across the board. 

At this stage in the recognition of this trope’s problems, it’s the kind of issue we should work on, not one that we should completely renounce people for enjoying.

I mean, I’m not exactly the biggest fan of the guy and have some degree of issue with other things, but Mon-El’s actions are still not Chris’ actions. I’ll criticize him for things he actually does, thanks.)

But when Melissa started dating Chris, it became impossible for people to say things like “Save Melissa from having to act along side Chris” or “She looks so pained in her scenes with him, compared to with Katie” because we all knew that she definitely likes the guy. 

And sort of accusing Chris of abusing Melissa and forcing her to stay in the relationship, they had to accept that she enjoys his company. (That would be a step too far. But I do wonder if it might have escalated to that point in the future.)

So she couldn’t 100% be on the good side, because she didn’t hate the people on the bad side. But she also couldn’t be on the bad side, because then Katie would have to hate her. And then there goes Supercorp.

…But then Odette came on the scene, just as Melissa participated in saying that Kara and Lena are only friends.

And with the announcement that Lena and Reign are somehow connected, fans who were frustrated with not being able to condemn Melissa are given free ‘reign’.

This is why people are shipping reigncorp, because they have new blood who couldn’t possibly have done anything to upset fans yet, and they can easily divide the cast into people they hate and people the love.

But the only person who is truly safe is Katie Mcgrath, not only because she has a lot more experience with wlw fans and knows what not to say and because she doesn’t have any social media to say the wrong thing on, but because she is their favorite. 

And so no matter what happens, she is always going to be on the good side.

So the argument that Chyler loves Melissa and is a good judge of character will not work.

But if tomorrow, Melissa Benoist said she loves Katie Mcgrath, and Katie Mcgrath said Melissa is a really good person, the fans might suddenly shift Melissa to the good side. 

Because they see the world in black and white, but their fave is more their moral compass than anything else.

#supergirl #melissa benoist #mehcad brooks #david harewood #chyler leigh #Anonymous #sdcc superfail

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #144 - Coraline

Spoilers below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) Director Henry Selick is probably best known for his work as director on The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I personally think (and this may be considered blasphemy) that Coraline is his magnum opus. More on that coming up.

2) In both horror and animation, a well done score can boost the tone of the film remarkably. And composer Bruno Coulais is able to turn in a score notable for its subtlety and tone boosting. It is able to be ominous, child like, fantastical, and creepy all at the same time. That is actually a perfect way of describing this film.

3) Animation fans with eagle eyes will notice that the movers in the beginning in the film are the “Ranft Brothers”. Joe Ranft was a legendary animator, known mostly for his work at Pixar until his tragic death. His brother is a noteworthy animator too, Jerome Ranft. The movers are animated in the likenesses of the brothers (you even get a glance at a name tag reading “Jerome”), with Joe being the mover who gets the crummy tip and Jerome Ranft voicing his counterpart.

4) Dakota Fanning as Coraline Jones.

Coraline is not your typical animated heroine, which is exactly why she is such an amazing character. She’s a bit of a snot actually. She’s bratty, shown to be mean, overdramatic, sarcastic, winey, and it is all amazing! Because she’s not ONLY those things! She’s also fun, intelligent, clever, imaginative and adventurous. For most of the film she is at odds with her parents but she risks her film for them because, well, they’re her parents! The best way to describe Coraline is as a kid. An honest portrayal of a kid! Not totally one thing or another and not nearly as oblivious as some people may expect. Dakota Fanning (who was attached to the role when the film was meant to be live action even) is perfect in the part, able to portray all of Coraline’s qualities with wonderful ease while totally losing herself in the role. Coraline is the title character which means we - as the audience - NEED to be invested in her for this film to be any good. And the filmmakers did an excellent job making sure we were just that: invested.

5)

Coraline [after seeing The Cat]: “Not talking, huh?”

6) This film is a little more adult than your typical animated fare, something which is established pretty early when Coraline refers to Wybie as her stalker. It is a decision in tone and content which works wonderfully for the film.

7) Wybie.

We don’t get to see much of Wybie in the film. Well, that’s not entirely true. We don’t get to see much of Wybie compared to CORALINE, who is the lead and is therefore in every scene except for the one that plays during the opening credits. But in the time we see him it is very clear that this is the neighborhood weird kid. And it’s done accurately too! He’s not the butt of any joke, he’s not someone who’s supposed to be a creep or a plot device. Just like Coraline, he’s an honest representation of the kids out in the world who are sort of strange.

8) Dang, Coraline can be mean!

Coraline [after someone calls for Wyborne ‘Wybie’s’ name]: “Oh I definitely heard someone, Why Were You Born.”

Like, sure the dude is sorta weird, but he’s been pretty nice so far. But that’s part of Coraline’s character, and we see that side of her go on a bit of a transformation throughout the film.

9) Film is first and foremost a visual way of storytelling and animation can do that better than live action can if done right. Through animation you are able to portray the character of things (not just your characters but places and items) through design. Through your visuals. Take this film for example: the real world is marked by a more subdued color palette and look. Everything - including Coraline’s parents - look grey, tired, and worn down. Something which creates an immediate visual conflict through Coraline, who from the very start gives off these incredible vibrant and lively colors. It is a visual conflict which is reflective of a textual one that works wonders for the film.

10) It would have been easy to make Coraline a total brat and her parents good parents who try their hardest, but Mom and Dad aren’t perfect either. Mom particularly shows us where Coraline got her attitude, sarcasm, and occasional brattiness from (and I know “brat” has negative connotations to it but I love Coraline so when I call her a “brat” I’m doing so with love because that trait is something I think is a great writing decision for her character). It also gets to the idea that a friend of mine told me once: parents are just kids who have kids. Parents don’t know what they’re doing when they have kids, they’re making it up as they go along. Which means they’re not perfect. They can get tired and impatient and mean too, and showing that in this film continues its honesty streak. That honesty - in relationships in characters - is what helps make it so great.

11) I can’t IMAGINE what animating the tunnel sequence was like.

I mean stop motion animation is moving something a tiny bit, then taking a picture. And you repeat that process over and over again with puppets until you have a moving image like this one. So the tunnel on its own - with the lighting and the fabric - must have been a pain to animate. But then Coraline walking through it? And jostling it around, but the animators have to make sure that jostling is perfect in every frame? I do NOT have the patience for stop motion animation, I tell you. Or the fingers. I don’t have delicate fingers.

12) The Other World.

Going with the idea of visual conflict, there is immediately more of a peace between Coraline’s vibrant colors and the creative rainbow like Other World she finds herself in. This resolves most of the visual conflict ON THE SURFACE, but everywhere there are these black buttons. These little dark specs that just liter the world in hard to see places, things which can easily get lost in the magic of it all but are always there. Hiding in plain sight.

The Other World - both in its dream and nightmare phases - show off Selick’s wild imagination. The best animation directors have a penchant for imaginative visuals, using the medium to do things live action couldn’t (something I observed in my The Book of Life post back in November). Selick as not only animator but production designer on this film is able to create some wonderful and memorable images of dream like fantasy which makes the transition to nightmarish scenes in the back half of the film all the more powerful. It is truly wonderful.

13) According to IMDb:

The band They Might Be Giants wrote 10 songs for the movie, but a change in tone from a musical to a darker production meant that all but one was cut; a scene in which Coraline's other father sings along with a piano features John Linnell's voice. The band has said they will release the other songs created for the movie in other projects, including albums.

14) It is worth noting that the initial dinner Coraline has with her Other Parents is more of a Norman Rockwell, classic/idyllic image than her dinner at home (in both the food served and the look of the place). This relates to the film’s almost critique (I say almost because I do not know if it was intended, but it very well could have been) on expectations vs reality. How we have let certain fantasies shape our expectations in the real world and if we find something that fits those expectations perfectly it’s probably a lie.

15) Teri Hatcher shines in this film, particularly as Other Mother. There are three sort of phases to her performance as Other Mother which I will discuss individually as they occur. The first of these is the initial encounter with Other Mother. The sweet sing-song tones filled with love and warmth which can trick someone into thinking its honesty but when you listen there is DEFINITELY something false about it. A faux kindness which can catch you off guard. No one is really that kind, that nice. That’s the face you put on for company when it’s over and not one you can sustain forever.

16) Ian McShane as Mr. Bobinsky.

I observed in my recap for the Selick directed The Nightmare Before Christmas that the film was able to create unique characterizations within seconds of introducing us to said characters which lasted consistently throughout the rest of the film. In this film - especially with Coraline’s neighbors - the same holds true. We are able to get a sense of what kind of fun weirdo Mr. Bobinsky is within seconds of meeting him, someone who’s a bit of a nut but also a generally nice guy, and that lasts through the end of the film. Ian McShane does a wonderful job as Bobinsky and out of the three neighbors (Bobinksy and the two actresses), Bobinsky is my personal favorite.

It is also worth observing Bobinsky’s character design here. As I said before, animation tells you a lot through its visuals about a character. Small elements in Bobinsky’s design make him a bit more human than say your average Prince Charming or seven dwarfs. The ratty shirt, the unkempt body hair, the big gut. All of it gives Bobinsky not only a sense of character but a sense of realism, as life is not always as pretty as we expect. This plays DIRECTLY into Other Bobinsky’s appearances, notably how he is better dressed AND his torso is upside down. Instead of having a large stomach, he has a large chest suggesting strength. THAT is your fairytale version of Bobinsky right there and - like everything else in the Other World - it’s a lie.

17) Similarly, the two actress neighbors of Miriam Forcible and April Spink are established as weird but lovable dog ladies as soon as we meet them.

I mentioned before how this film plays with the ideas of expectations vs reality, and that becomes pretty clear after we meet Coraline’s neighbors. This is not some fairytale for Coraline. In a fairytale Mr. Bobinsky would run an incredible jumping mouse circus, not be a vaguely crazy man trying to create a jumping mouse circus (I say with love). And the pair of Miriam and April would be elegant world famous actresses, not two washed up has-beens (I say with love). But you know what? This is EXACTLY what they are in the Other World! The fairytale versions of themselves that is meant to be exactly what Coraline wants. And just like the change in design for Bobinsky in the Other World, Miriam and April get similar beautifications.

Now they’re as pretty as any fairytale princess with a waistline to match, because that’s the “better” version of this isn’t it? Except it’s not real. It’s a lie, meant to entrap you and keep you from having a good REAL life. I sort of love that about this film.

18)

Coraline [after Other Mother asks her to get her father]: “You mean my other father?”

Other Mother: “You’re better father, dear.”

Red flag! Red flag! That’s a creepy thing to say Other Mother! (It is also here when we start noticing the fakeness of Other Mother’s nice voice.)

19) I keep mentioning how you can detect a slight hint of fakeness in Other Mother’s face. The hint is not so slight in Other Father’s voice. There’s nothing real there, nothing honest. Just fake honey that’s meant to entice Coraline. And I think that’s because Other Mother is the mastermind and she’s making Other Father BE like that. It’s a nice choice on the part of the filmmakers and actor John Hodgman I think.

20)

Other Mother [about Other ‘Silent’ Wybie]: “I thought you’d like him more if he spoke a little less. So I fixed him.”

If anyone says they “fixed” a person, turn around and run like crazy away. That’s creepy.

21) Hmm, wonder which of her parents Coraline takes after...

Mom: “I did not call [Mr. Bobinsky] crazy, Coraline. He’s drunk.”

22) The. Freaking. CAT!!!!

Can I just say first and foremost: I love Keith David. Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog is my favorite Disney villain of all time in no small part because of Keith David’s voice over work as the character. And his role as The Cat is just as good. I love The Cat, which is saying a lot because I’m a dog person. David is able to work with the writing and make the character both wise and mischievous but in a unique, dark, sarcastic way. He’s also the first hint of trouble and the only character other than Coraline to travel between worlds. The animators do an excellent job making sure The Cat’s characterization is clear and consistent, even when he can’t speak in the real world. He’s an excellent addition to the film and a wonderful companion to our hero.

23) Everything gets real freaky real fast.

Right after Other Mother asks to put buttons in Coraline’s eyes (or, more accurately, REPLACE her eyes with buttons) this film turns into a horror film. Full on Stephen King, Poltergeist, “Stranger Things” horror! (Not that I’ve seen or read any of those things because I scare too easily.) And it is born not from jump scares or gore but from tone. The atmosphere becomes notably chilly and ominous and everything just becomes so FREAKY. THAT is why I think this is Henry Selick’s magnum opus. Because he can be as scary as he want to be!

24) For me, one of the most powerful scenes in the movie is when Coraline walks around Other World.

The simple decision to have her walk through a white abyss then find herself back in the Other World the Other Mother created just really works for me. It’s a simple yet elegant concept.

25) Other Mother’s truer form (her true form comes later).

This is when Teri Hatcher and Other Mother start really shining as villains. There is still an attempt to be motherly, to be warm, but the creepy factor is turned up. There’s a sick playfulness there at times as well as terrifying anger. But this form is most marked by the cold reservedness. The chilling tones the Other Mother uses when taking to Coraline about the game they’re going to play. It’s crazy freaky and I love it for that!

26) There is no scene quite as haunting or quite as sad as when Coraline talks with the ghost kids.

Through its use of haunting visuals, eerie sound design, excellent writing, and top notch voice acting from the child actors, this one scene tells you perfectly what exactly the stakes are for this film. What exactly will happen to Coraline if she can’t succeed. And it’s terrifying.

27) I did not remember this line from before and the way Coraline describes the ghost kids to Wybie had me laughing my butt off.

Coraline [about the doll]: “It used to look like this pioneer girl, then Huck Finn Junior, then this ‘Little Rascals’ chick with hair ribbons...”

I don’t know why, but something about hearing her call the kid, “Huck Finn Junior,” is just wildly funny to me.

28) The entire idea of the eyes of the dead children being hidden in the “three wonders” Other Mother crafted for Coraline is not only an excellent way of juxtaposing some of the dream like imagery from earlier with its now nightmarish quality, but it also gives plot relevance to scenes which could have easily just been entertaining and excellent eye candy (Bobinsky’s circus, the garden, and the theater scene). It helps push the writing of this film from good to great.

29) So Coraline thinks she has lost her game with Other Mother and she’s going to end up like the ghost children, when a dead rat with the last eye falls in front of her and The Cat shows up.

The Cat: “I think I’ve mentioned that I don’t like rats at the best of times.”

Coraline: “You may have mentioned it.”

I love these guys.

30) Can we just take a second to appreciate how incredibly frightening Other Mother’s true form is?

Teri Hatcher gets to totally let lose as an actress with this final form of the Other Mother. There’s no more fake niceness, no more hiding, no more tricks. Just sheer, terrifying villainy in all its glory. It’s so creepy and evil and I love it!

31) If you’re ever in a jam with a homicidal maniac, just do what Coraline did:

Throw a cat at the homicidal maniac.

32) I find the web that Coraline falls into with Other Mother perhaps the most frightening visual of the whole film. I love it.

But the way Other Mother shouts after Coraline makes her way through the door is almost equally as terrifying to me. Just the desperation and madness in her voice gives me chills.

Other Mother: “Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! I’ll die without you!”

33) It is a classic rule of suspense, an almost Hitchcockian rule (although I don’t think he invented it), that the story is never over when you think it is.

The entire final “battle” with Other Mother’s disembodied hand, how it drags Coraline away, how Wybie has to come and save the day but it still keeps going, is all a great final horror movie moment. Just the creeping crawly uncatchable-ness of a spider and how you have to work really hard to squash it. I love that.

34) The final scene of the film resolves the visual conflict Coraline was having with the real world. Everything - hear parents, the neighbors, the flowers - is a bit brighter. A bit closer to her but not so perfectly as the Other World. Things are resolved, but everything is still in the real world. Everything is still honest and it may not be perfect, but it is a happy ending.

It has been a while since I’ve watched Coraline so in all honesty I forgot how good it was. It is an excellent piece of not only animated filmmaking but filmmaking period. The visuals and imagination is incredible, it is truly frightening at times through its use of atmosphere and (again) the visuals at hand, the writing is top notch - ESPECIALLY when it comes to our titular lead - and the voice acting is there to match (Hatcher and Fanning being the clear standouts). It is an incredible film I think everyone should see. It’s just that good.

#Coraline #Coraline Jones #Laika #Dakota Fanning #Teri Hatcher #Keith David #Henry Selick #Ian McShane #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Joe ranft #Jerome Ranft #I See What You Did There #Movie #Film #GIF

[yetanotherbuffyblog]

Demon assassin!

I had some trouble with my computer playing the DVD from the library. See, sometimes my computer won’t recognize discs in the drive. And sometimes it will, but it won’t play them on one media player so I’ve got to go with another. It’s bloody frustrating, it is.

But I did manage to get it to work, even if the computer had to freak out a couple of times first.

Oh right so I’m doing a two-parter. This is going to take a lot of recapping. Uh...okay. So.

[takes a deep breath]

We begin with Riley and Buffy having a happy start of a serious relationship, which means everyone’s kind of left out of their happy bubble. So Anya, Willow and Xander are playing poker in Xander’s basement, and with a random comment about spanking from Anya (TMI ANYA TMI), Willow feels a bit like she’s third-wheeling.

Buffy during this time is actually not on an official date, though; she’s being tested by the Initiative, and she passes with flying colors. Because of her skillz, Buffy is officially let in, and gets a tour of the facility and security clearance. She asks a bunch of questions and acts less-than-professional though, annoying Walsh. Oh, and we see what’s in room 314 even if Buffy doesn’t (she doesn’t have that clearance): a human/demon/cyborg thing that Walsh calls ‘Adam.’

That has ‘TERRIBLE PLAN’ written all over it.

Spike is being hunted by the Initiative for being a runaway (“Hostile 17” they call him), and they find him, but he escapes. Except they hit him with a tracker so they can find him later.

Willow’s not thrilled with the Initiative, nor with Buffy bringing new Initiative friends along to their friend date at the Bronze. During this they get called to go deal with a demon, and after they tag-team the demon, Buffy and Riley go make some whoopie. Willow, annoyed, goes off and meets Tara. Apparently hanging out all night. Huh.

And Walsh watches Riley and Buffy through planted cameras, which is ten kinds of weird.

Spike runs to Giles’s house for shelter because he’s a wuss. Sadly Riley is called to lead a squad to hunt down “Hostile 17,” while Walsh decides that Buffy’s too much of a hazard, asking too many questions and clouding her best agent (Riley), so she plots to have her killed while Riley’s out. She tells her to do some sort of routine check-up on a reported hostile, only for her to be ambushed, her stun gun to malfunction, and her locked in a room with two demons. Of course, she being a Slayer, she takes them out.

The Scoobies take the tracer out of Spike and they flush it, so Riley’s squad loses the lead. Riley comes back, and Walsh tells her Buffy is dead, rushing off on a mission on her own. Except then Buffy takes the spy camera that fell off her on the fight, and declares she knows that Walsh tried to kill her and she’s pissed. That episode seems like it’s going to end with her going to Giles’s house and declaring that none of them are safe.

But nope! Walsh is in room 314 trying to work out how to fix the situation, how Riley can be persuaded to be okay with her trying to kill Buffy, and how Adam will fix everything. Except Adam wakes up and kills her with the arm of the demon Buffy and Riley took down now grafted onto him.

Oops.

PART DEUCE!

Buffy tells the gang that Walsh tried to kill her. Riley comes in and tries to make sense of what’s going on, only to turn slightly hostile upon seeing Spike and recognizing him as Hostile 17. If Buffy’s sheltering a vampire, what else could she be hiding? They go separate ways, but Buffy’s gang hides out in Xander’s basement (which Giles is NOT happy about).

Then the Initiative finds out about Walsh’s assassination. Riley is informed while talking to his friend Forrest about Walsh trying to kill Buffy (Riley tends to side with Buffy, though he’s confused; Forrest thinks maybe Buffy did something wrong and had it coming). Upon seeing Walsh’s body, Forrest thinks Buffy did it. Riley thinks it’s probably the demon they caught earlier having escaped and puts a squad together to go find it.

And Adam goes and murderizes some kid. Charming fellow.

While Buffy’s investigating, she runs into Riley a couple of times. At first it seems like he’s pretty tightly wound about everything that’s happened, and asks if she’s happy about Walsh’s death (which of course, Buffy isn’t). When Buffy goes to that demon bar place that hasn’t shown up in a while, Riley shows up and gets all itchy because, you know, monsters all over and Buffy’s not fighting them. But he’s all shaky and pulls a gun.

Turns out there’s something seriously wrong with him.

They take him to the Xander Cave, while Xander and Buffy sneak back into Initiative HQ to find some answers. They corner head scientist guy, and find out that the agents are unknowingly given some sort of steroids to make them smarter and stronger--Riley’s going through severe withdrawal. Riley himself arrives, having left the Xander Cave.

Oh and then Adam shows up.

Crap salad!

Adam reveals what he is, and that he’s...well that he’s crazy, but that he has records and personal files that Walsh made. She thought of both Riley and Adam as her crowning achievements, shaping them to be her personal...I dunno, surrogate sons? Adam calls her mother which is weird. Anyhow, they fight, Adam kills head scientist guy, and injures Adam. When the commandos show up, Buffy and Xander can leave, but Riley is taken to an Initiative medical facility, and Buffy is unable to visit him.

And Adam’s still out there somewhere.

Right that was a lot. NOTES!

-According to TV Tropes, Maggie Walsh was going to be the Big Bad of the season, but the actress got cast in a movie or something and had to be written out somehow. And you know TV writers: murder is the simplest solution!

-I’m a bit iffy on Adam as a Big Bad though. He’s...I’m not sure. He’s kind of a downgrade from the Mayor. He’s a good villain, but he’s not in charge of anything. Maybe that’ll change as the season goes on.

-And OF COURSE the Initiative pumps its agents full of steroids! Why the eff not?? What sketchiness will we find out about them next?

-Was that old lady Riley pulled a gun on in the demon bar actually a vampire/monster? It’s not clear. She doesn’t transform or anything. Riley himself says he doesn’t know if it’ll kill her if he pulls the trigger.

-Spike is beaten up by demons because he’s “making war on other demons” and demons killing demons is...bad? Like, if it were him fighting demons for a cause, I get it, hanging out with the Slayer and all. But the demon refuses to kill Spike because that’s against their rules or something. Which...seems stupid. We’ve seen demons kill other demons all the time. It’s not a rule. I mean if it is now, it’s a clear retcon.

-Alright why did Walsh want to kill Buffy? It seems like they wrote it as Buffy was asking too many questions and she thought Buffy was a distraction for Riley. But it’s pretty...well, they basically try to kill her after her first day, and we see no sign that Riley’s actually any worse because of his relationship with Buffy. Seems like a bit of rushed plot to me, but whattaya gonna do?

-Also, the way she tries to kill Buffy shows how little she actually paid attention to her. She locks her in a room with two demons? Who have axes? Please. You’ve seen her fight. Maybe Walsh assumes that Buffy’s stories about her own exploits are exaggerations? It’s still stupid. If you want to kill someone, friggin’ kill them. There are so many ways to have gotten that done that would have been less risky. Rush job all around.

-The tracker would have been harder to identify if it hadn’t been blinking. Really, guys, stop making trackers blink. I know it’s easier for the audience to figure out what it is, but it’s also easy for the characters.

-The Polgara demons and Adam have a spike thing in their wrist? Basically it’s like an organic Hidden Blade and I think that’s kewl. So maybe I should start yelling “ASSASSINATE!” every time Adam stabs someone. Or play this sound.

  -Have Tara and Willow slept together? It’s unclear. Are we supposed to believe that she spent the entire night casting spells? And the TV Tropes recap points out that Willow’s sweater is inside out when she gets back to the dorm room. So…. 

-Riley does mention his “vitamins” but are those the steroids? If so that’s a really obvious way to administer them, but I guess it’s the simplest way to get them to him without accidentally serving them to the wrong person in the cafeteria or something. Still, wouldn’t there be a lot of red flags if you join a branch of the military, and then they hand you some vitamins and demand that you take them daily?

-Xander’s idea to flush the tracer was actually… a really good idea. Smashing it might be too difficult, and they’d still know the general area to look in. Carrying it around would make Xander a target, and outrunning the commandos would be a huge risk. There weren’t any moving trains or things like that nearby, so sticking them there would be too difficult too.

-How many times are we going to bring up the whole ‘Xander was a soldier in that one episode’ thing? Anya lampshades how weird it is that it comes in handy so often.

-Buffy asks what the Polgara demon is after, and the Initiative seems to think that the monster’s just...a stupid animal. Which is stupid. Clearly these demons can talk and communicate and have specific patterns of behavior??? They have bars??? Why would you think they’re not of human-level intelligence???

-Is it just me, or do the guns that the Initiative commandos use look...so fake? Outside of the handguns, maybe, they don’t feel like real guns. It’s weird.

-Spike points out that Buffy’s got terrible taste in men. Although Riley isn’t so bad, and Angel wasn’t bad until he evilified. So basically it’s better than Xander’s taste in women. Seriously, will Anya do anything useful???

-Willow and Tara’s spell is to conjure the goddess Thespia. I don’t know jack about Wicca, but Thespia is a very minor Greek goddess/nymph? Her domain is a specific well. She’s...like a nobody on the divine stage.

-Riley tries desperately to paint Walsh as a brilliant scientist changing the world, but...like, I’m getting Angelopolis flashbacks because at this point it’s pretty clear that she was a Mad Scientist and the whole operation was crazy from the start. I realize that it’s meant to be Riley struggling with his entire world coming out from under his feet so I don’t blame him as much. At least the Initiative didn’t cut as many corners as Jurassic Park.

-Is the Initiative going to get a new leader? Is it going to be someone who isn’t off their rocker? Find out next time!

#4x13 #4x14 #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #Buffy Summers #Riley Finn #Spike #Willow Rosenberg #Maggie Walsh #Adam #Xander Harris

[floralmotif]

The Audience (for Cas) 12.12 Meta

12.12 seriously made me consider making a video essay instead of a written meta because holy fish, the amount of perspective stuff in this episode is nuts. Inconsistency in subjectivity is very normal in media but this episode goes out of its way to establish it, then defies it, then establishes it again. 

This episode uses a lot of subjective and objective camera tricks but it can be occasionally difficult to pinpoint the exact rules of what’s through their subjective PoV and what’s the objective camera bias needing to tell the audience things for reasons.

Give me a break here, SPN. 

I’m not really gonna talk about the Reservoir Dogs references here. Other people have already done that very well. I’ll be linking to more of other people’s meta throughout, mostly hidden in words. Click on the underlined bits in the post. I’m kind of late to the party on this one. If you wrote something pertaining to what I have here and it’s not linked somewhere, I apologize. I unfortunately don’t see everything or I can’t find it. feel free to add it or message me and I’ll add it directly:

http://bluestar86.tumblr.com/post/157443210863/12x12-episode-review-still-screechingthis http://drsilverfish.tumblr.com/post/157393322319/12x12-stuck-in-the-middle-with-you-dammit-show https://godshipsit.tumblr.com/post/157487887094/deancas-is-peach-y http://grey2510.tumblr.com/post/157340506918/reservoir-dogs-the-power-of-its-homoerotic

I hope I can explain this in text because it’s not the best medium for what I’ll be saying here. Don’t get me wrong, 12.12 is awesome but because of the nature of its storytelling, it’s weird on a structural front. It’s basically a microcosm of episodes showing the relationship between Cas and his established others.

Below is sort of a break down but I’m going to focus on certain aspects and scenes longer than others.

Establish Mary’s perspective using Ketch’s intro. Call back to Metatron telling Cas a story. What we see in the episode is technically through a character’s perspective. We don’t know which one at first. Breakfast scene unfiltered. Framed with Cas as the overall subject. This is because in a lot of ways, this ep is about Cas. But again, he’s not the one telling the story, not even here. What happens to him drives the emotional connection. So he connects with our emotions in this scene. Establishes empathy. This is the most “true to what happened” the show gives us. Dean’s goofy faces and all. ^During the scene Wally, Dean and Sam all help frame a narrative device. Dean starts his posturing when the nurse shows interest in Cas. This could be considered normal, except Wally is there. Wally idolizes Dean and partially serves to justify his actions. We don’t know what Dean would have done if Wally wasn’t there, but the cut to Dean’s reaction when Mandy calls Cas handsome could give us an idea. Simply cutting to show that Dean was upset because Mandy likes Cas instead of him is kind of a silly editing choice. It’s possible but film tends to make simple connections and Dean’s care for Mandy doesn’t matter in the episode. If Dean really didn’t want Cas to go after Mandy, he would have said so. That perspective doesn’t compromise his image. Him being interested in Cas does though.

^The last aspect of framing for this scene is Sam. Poor dude can’t get a wifi signal. This coming from the man who is often headcanoned as being a sentient wifi tower. Communications are down and it’s seriously impeding his ability to progress. Guess what’s happening at the table while he's trying to get the wifi up: communications are down on pretty much every front (him and the wifi, Dean and Cas, everyone and the waitress, Mary and everyone, Wally and dietary facts, Wally participating in Mary’s lie) it’s seriously impeding real progress. At this time, the audience doesn’t know the extent of that communication error, so the framing is built for this scene to establish relationships and that something is amiss. Now that everyone’s on the same page plan wise(as far as the audience knows), Dean ends his awkward posturing by calling Cas handsome and joking with the waitress, and the wifi is back. 

^The escapade with the waitress is kind of odd in itself. She’s kind of a sucky waitress and there seems to be something off about her from what Cas shows us but it never leads to anything. Even Dean’s insistent “teachable moments” don’t go anywhere. It only ends with Cas giving him confused looks and him laughing awkwardly to himself. It almost feels like it he knew Cas wasn’t into it and it was never meant to be serious. Huh.

There is a ton of meta about this scene. Go poke it. In fact, just go poke the archives of all of the people I link. There is so much in their 12.12 tags too I’d imagine from them and others. I know @mittensmorgul​ has a ton http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/spn%2012.12

Moving on:

The smash cut tells us that regardless of Mary’s reassurance of communication, everything is not going to be fine. Something went wrong here and many people in the audience have probably already noticed that the wrong was hers. The rest of the scene from the cut establishes some of the things that also went wrong with the plan: Cas getting hurt, demons being involved and Wally getting killed. In my original meta for this ep’s promo, I seriously had to resist the urge to refer to Wally as “Fodder”. From what I can tell, his existence has always been to establish a justification for Dean’s behavior by specifically idolizing him and to die early to establish stakes. Poor dude.

After the medias res scene, we get our first real character card: The Wounded Angel. Cas’ block has begun and his is the most confusing subjectivity wise. His block pretty much acts to show his current place in things. He’s still got the Cosmic Consequences looming, he hasn’t found Kelly. Cas continues to be shown as an incompetent hunter. He’s still a fairly passive character during the episode which means he’s not fully healed as a person. There’s still something missing. The ending of the episode arguably gives him that thing or at least a stronger start of it. Again, this episode is in a lot of ways about Cas, but he is not the perspective. The perspectives we get are everyone else’s reaction to what happens to him, which makes his being the first block make sense. His block also establishes what happens to him and sets in motion the rest of the episode. 

^An interesting aspect of Cas’ block is that it recaps the opener with all of the antics taken out. Mary’s apparent retelling doesn’t include any of the mis-communications and this time tells it as though it went smoothly. She even glosses over that there were mis-communications at all. This is actually the scene that jumbles up the PoV rules a little since it pulls the rules of “what really happened, who’s PoV we’re in, what is she telling Ketch and what is just her PoV?” into question but never really gives a defining answer. My reading is that it’s Cas segment and Cas dismisses the antics, he wants to know what the plan is and I think he can tell Dean is posturing. He keeps looking at hims like “are you serious right now?” He also dismisses the communication issues which is interesting. The episode uses some weird PoV layering. What characters are seen with in their segments is important for their characters. Again though, even as Cas’ segment, he’s not telling the story but it does tell us what the episode finds is relevant to his character. I could go on forever about the subjectivity in this episode and how much it makes my brain hurt.

^They seem to want to use the “perspectives” of everyone else to convince the audience of how each of them feels about Cas in the episode and what’s happening in general. The only PoV we don’t get directly is Sam’s because his PoV is the only one that doesn’t need distinctive convincing to the audience... and because the episode only has so much time, but if there was really a question there, he would've had a solidifying segment of some sort. I kind of consider the opener/medias res scene his segment since he sort of acts as the facilitator for the episode’s dilemma and it gets glossed over in Mary’s recap during Cas’ block so...join me if you want. It’s just my reading.

Mary’s PoV (Mother Mary) starts when Sam asks her what she’s gotten them into and the emotional connection with Yellow Eyes is called on. Cut to her and Wally establishing her lie for later and telling the audience who their after. The PoV here is also a bit weird and it makes me wonder about whether Dean actually does know about “the most sacred oath” because we are privy to a conversation here that she has with Wally about the BMoL that I doubt she would actually mention to them. I dunno, subjectivity is weird anyway and since editing and dialogue is built on emotion first, the technical aspects tend to get lost. I don’t know many movies or shows that use subjectivity and consistently keep the rules throughout. It’s frustrating to people like me, but most wouldn’t notice.

^In the car, Mary justifies working with the BMoL but never establishes if she really trusts them. More silence as an answer that SPN likes so very much. Later in the house, we get Sam and Mary talking about getting what they want ending on a depressing note for Sam. I think Sam has really been gunning for Mary to get out as proof that he can. Her saying that probably hurt him but I think he still holds out for her getting out as proof of his own ambitions. He puts her on a pedestal just like Wally did with Dean. Dean postures for Wally and Sam(for similar reasons). Mary doesn’t posture for anyone, and it’s created a dissonance for her and Dean, just like Sam’s pedestal does for he and Dean. I haven’t seen the new episode yet but I have some things to say about that.

Another recap of the opening, this time without the cute parts of Dean’s posturing.. I agree with Mittens on this one.

^Enter the colt. At the time, we don’t know it’s the colt. Well, we kind of do if you know how to read recap speak but theoretically, it’s just an artifact at the moment. Good thing they didn’t show it too, if they did this early, they’d have to fire it hehehe. It being shown at the end means it will get fired by the end of the season. I have a guess as to who gets the bullet but I’ll need 12.13 to think about it more.

-More Michael imagery!

^Mary gets Cas into the barn (ha, another one), Mary texts the BMoL and Dean and Sam come in. Now up until this point, we have gotten a lot of reassurances that Dean and Cas have... something.. just in the episode alone. Dean greets Cas during his segment before everyone else, Dean is a dork to Cas during breakfast, Sam tells Dean to get Cas, etc etc. From this point on, Mary gets to witness that condensed into an hour or so. When Dean and Sam come in, Dean pretty much immediately runs to Cas and in Mary’s block, they talk to each other while Dean tries to cope with the possible loss of Cas (again). Sam doesn’t go over until Dean calls him.

Mr. Crowley enters. Crowley’s segment establishes that he A) Cares about “feathers” B) Some important backstory about himself, the lance and the Princes of Hell and C) That he’s willing to break deals for the sake of people he cares about, just like Cas did in 12.09. He cares about the Winchesters even if he doesn’t admit it. Sadly, communications between he and the Winchesters are as bad as ever when it comes to each other but that probably sounds familiar at this point. Good character paralleling. *pats head* And again, Dean in this segment shows the most verbalized concern for Cas, not dealing with Crowley well and going for anger and disbelief. 

^Poor Crowley gets thrown through the wall of the barn. Note though, that he gets thrown to the left. Bad guys are thrown to the right typically. Even allied bad guys. Left is regression in western film, right is progress. If he was thrown right, it would have been the direction progress and that doesn’t fit his arc. Welcome to the club Crowley, bout damned time. For me, this meant Crowley’s gonna save them and it’s not just because they inserted him with the archaic lance description.

Now for the fun part:  “A Real Barn Burner”. This title is two fold. It’s technically Dean’s segment but it also alludes to everyone being present. A “Barn Burner” is a riveting sport event which sort of pokes fun at the fight that’s about to happen and the race to save Cas. All the previous establishments and blocks in the episode as well as what triggers the block and what happens in it tell us who this segment belongs to.. but the label is plural. It refers to a group. Just like how all the previous establishments and episodes tell us what the “you” means. These episodes don’t exist in a vacuum and this episode is a microcosm of that concept.

 After Crowley disappears, we have everyone’s favorite part of the episode. Cas starts to tell them of his dying declaration but Dean is the subject here. This is his block, his segment, his episode. This is what was important for the audience to see about his character. When Cas says “I love you,” he looks at everyone, but when he says “I love all of you,” he looks at Dean and his gaze stays on him after Dean’s reaction insert. He’s telling him there’s a difference and Dean makes some note of it. It’s hard to say if he internalizes it or if he’s just scared of the situation but throughout the scene we and Mary are given a distinction. It also shows how much Cas really does care for everyone by including Mary. Throughout the episode, we have been shown that distinction. It’s subtle but it’s there and this episode wants to shyly tell us about it.

Throughout the entire episode, we didn’t know who was really telling this story, but we had hints. In all of the scenes with something pertaining to Dean and Cas’ relationship, Crowley caring about Cas or instances involving the BMoL that only Mary would have known about tells us it’s Mary. She is the one surprised by them, she is the one who changes the story, she is the one who slowly grows to understand and to fear and to question. She is the audience, the surrogate for the PoV at the beginning. Ketch asks the audience for the story and Mary gives it. She is the audience in general, she needed convincing of that distinction of Dean and everyone’s care for Cas but she never out right says it and neither does the show. She never outright says if she trusts the BMoL either. At the end, she calls Cas one of her boys... because like the audience, she’s been given a microcosm of relationship between Cas and everyone else, she’s been given that distinction, she’s seen the episodes as a whole and what each one says and we know she has, because she’s telling the story. She got it the same way we did and decided what it meant at the end. We got our answer through our PoV, our surrogate Mary, the audience who needed convincing that Cas loves and is loved.

#castiel #castiel winchester #spn meta #s12 meta #my meta #12.12 #spn spoilers #winchester family #convincing the audience #the winchesters love cas #cas loves the winchesters #cas loves dean #destiel #mary winchester #spn wally #wifi tower!sam #episodic structure #narrative devices #character parallels #can you hear me now? #silence as answer #long post #davy is messing with people again #davy perez appreciation #deancas #love and love

[sanerontheinside]

how not to spend a weekend

aka: what’s so bad about a ‘manageable’ chronic disease?

relying on something outside yourself, and not being able to do fuckall if it’s lost, stolen, or broken. it’s bad enough when you fuck up, and you occasionally do - it’s unavoidable. but when it’s… not something you could prevent?

Adventures of Saner:

So this stars simple enough.

There are two entrances into my complex. One is a kinda sharpish turn, the other is pretty smooth. In both cases, you’re turning through opposing traffic and hoping you get a clear way. Sometimes it can be a bit quick.

So, yours truly, on the way home I nearly get cut off by a mofo. I hit the brakes not too hard, hear stuff sliding around in the seat behind me. ‘k, I decide, we’re checking under the seat for things when I get home.

I park, I get my stuff out the back where it’s been scattered. Most of everything is still on the seat.

Except?

Of course. The med kit. With the controller to my insulin pump. Which, btw, has a built-in blood sugar meter. So, to recap: now my insulin pump is delivering an hourly rate of insulin, and I have a CGM (constant glucose monitoring system) that estimates my blood sugar every five minutes, but needs to be recalibrated with real-life data because after 6-12 hours of running on its own it can be as many as 20 mg/dL off the mark. (Let me tell you, the difference between 95 and 75 mg/dL is not a joke.)

Also, because our bodies have their own rhythms and ideas, I need to cut the insulin hourly rate around 50% at night. This is a fairly recent pattern for me, I never got around to programming it into the pump controls because - well, I can just do it manually before falling asleep.

Now, mind you, if you’re doing shit right you have a backup of the old two insulin system: long term insulin for whatever your body breaks down in glycogen over the course of the day, and short term, fast-acting insulin for the food you consume. But it can be complicated switching back. (Especially since my longterm form turned out to be expired. Well, shit.)

Hmmm. Ok. Not panicking yet. Let’s try under the seats.

Nope.

Fine. Well: logically, I know I had it in my hand when I left class this morning, and I know I sat down for all of about a minute and rearranged everything I was holding - a notebook, a purse, the kit, and a pen - before the person I was waiting for got out herself.

I don’t remember if I had it in the car. So I, logically, assumed I’d left it on the bench.

Here comes the fun part. I drive back to the school. I check the bench. The library, the public safety building, the admissions office (logical places to bring lost items to). And then, after the lovely ladies in the office sent out emails and posted to the Facebook group, I left and checked the library again.

The ladies upstairs were awesome and managed my runaway detail-oriented brain and actually suggested I call the company for a replacement. Ok, good, I’ll do that when I get home.

I check the seats again, this time with a flashlight. Although a flashlight in broad daylight is - eh, not so helpful. But - still no sign.

So I head home, where I call the company. Now here’s the fun bit, warranty does not cover lost or stolen items. Haaaahahaa. $500, please and thank you, and $20 for overnight shipping.

But overnight, I think. Only one night of sitting here, wide awake, watching my blood sugar tank, with the option of pulling out the fucking pump and just dealing until the delivery on Saturday. Time. Safety net. Good.

Drink copious amounts of coffee, and eat some food - without giving insulin for it, because we can’t, not without the controller. Nothing happens for a few hours. I dig out my spare blood sugar meter, test it, find that it works.

I then chill, chat with fumbles and meggory and baskets and we reschedule the podcast because fumbles’ sister unexpectedly had a party and there was too much background noise.

Then my parents nudge me into calling the company to see if they’ve mailed the replacement, which is where it turns out I won’t have it til Monday.

Awkward.

Worse: I try to check my blood after the call because it’s dropping (I haven’t had dinner yet, and the mere fact that I have to live, somehow, like this, for a fucking weekend, is leaving me shaking). I want to know just how far it’s dropping.

Just then, naturally, the battery in my spare meter runs out.

If nothing else could break a poor girl, that was fucking just it. Stick a fucking fork in me, I was so fucking done.

So I posted in 2 Facebook groups, basically - if someone found it and picked it up, I’ve already said before that this is time-sensitive, so let me explain - I need to cut my dose in half for six hours starting midnight, otherwise blood sugar drops like a fucking stone. If you’ve found it and thought it could wait for Monday, I say, well, it can’t. But I’m not mad because the people I reordered from did that anyway and they should know better. So, if you’ve found it, kindly pls let me know. Basically, help.

I got a frankly overwhelming response. Someone asked the janitorial staff, someone checked the library. Someone even came through with a spare meter, bless his soul, I interrupted a date actually.

Anyway twenty minutes to midnight my parents show up to take me home and watch me for the night, insisting that I should sleep. Since the package isn’t coming until Monday, I figure, sure, why not.

I unlock the car, dad checks it out, finds nothing.

Then mom does a round just as we’re about to leave. She comes back and gets in with us with the case in hand. Ok, she says, let’s go home.

Turns out physics buggered off for a day. Instead of ending up under the seat, or between the seat and the door, this case - black, the size of an iphone 6+ probably, skitters around the side of the car, along the wall, into the fucking car door space which is black and if I were even looking I wouldn’t see it there.

I invite you to imagine watching the entire 2*16 election crammed into 12 hours. That’s how bad it fucking felt.

This happened last Friday, the day after I wrote the little short piece about breaking the Empire, for a type1diabetic OC. Listen, do you know how much of a slap in the face that was? Sure, don’t associate stray happenings and coincidences blah blah -

- no, listen. Half the time it feels like, because I can manage this as well as I do, it’s not a disease. It’s not a trial. It’s a minor part of my life that’s not much worth note. One night I got so annoyed with the itchiness at the insulin infusion sites - afraid of a new allergy, actually, to the insulin preservatives or maybe the pump adhesive - that I poured out that frustration and it suddenly because part of a story I’ve been working on.

And suddenly it was important, because how do people live like this, how do I live like this? Wouldn’t you want to see that in a book, on a page, wouldn’t you want to see even this nebulous sort of half-suffering, if you lived with it, too? That dependence on something external holding you hostage? The horror of imagining it taken away from you by someone who decided they have the power - or just didn’t care?

I don’t know if what happened the next day was a cosmic joke at me for opening my mouth to complain (cultural conditioning, pardon me) or a reminder that, yes, this is important. I suppose it’s not right to reveal the thought processes behind what you’ve written, because that detracts from it a bit. But all the people I tagged on that original post when I first wrote it - they didn’t get notifications for it. Not for hours at least, and even then I think I fiddled with those tags so much I might have found four different ways to fix this.

And you’ll forgive me if every time some part of this fucking universe shuts me up and steals my voice I fall into silence. Cultural conditioning is not the only thing here. The same way my disease is manageable, the gaslighting in my family is infrequent and they’re not emotionally abusive as a rule. I can’t complain about them. But that they have done it - that’s still true.

Fuck all that shit. I wanted to scream. I still want to scream, and cry. I’m writing Phainé as a type1 diabetic, as decided.

#garbage post #heavy fuckery #type 1 diabetic #also digging in my own head #don't mind me tho rly I'm fine #it's been a week and random shit still reminds me of it but I'm fine #Anyway yeah actually on top of this - my roommate completely missed the part where I said I was going home on Friday night #which I didn't much mind because hey she was going out anyway and had her mind on her own stuff #then she panics on Saturday morning because I 'went missing' - cool nice nice 👍 #but when I get back Sunday night - well #'well so you're okay now nothing serious happened and now you're fine' #... sure... yep... fine............. #totally fine nothing happened nothing the least bit serious #'you're not dead so you're fine' #'you should be grateful for what you have since so many don't have even that' #w h y #ffs woman you're training to be a doctor #I can't teach you how many levels of wrong I do not fucking have the spoons to do so without highlevel irritation #I just collect these stray bits that fall out of her in conversations and I can't bear to correct her because I won't be kind #and I haven't yet been able to put words to it either #I have three months' worth and gfdi I just ... want to Stop Talking bc everything must be met with a solution #and a 'well it could be worse' #so am I complaining about my disease or my upbringing or my roommate? who can fucking tell #all of them. just fuck all of them