#i don't think this has been done b4 actually
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clan generator challenge except each character has to be draw in a ten minute time limit 💀😰
the quotes i said while drawing them should explain the cats 😉
part 2 with the rest of the clan coming soon!
#campionleg was a fail :sobbing:#was straight up yelling while drawing these omg#like guys 10 minutes seems like a not but it's not#i don't think this has been done b4 actually#u should totally try it it's fun 👀#clan generator challenge
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Spoilers for Strange New Worlds
Wow. That latest episode was a banger.
For those of you who haven't seen it, skip this post!
----
So there's a lot of ambiguity over what M'benga does to Rah at the end. Does he stab him in cold blood? Does Rah start it? Does Rah deserve it? I've seen people talking about it as an intellectual exercise and yet, I'm not really struggling with this one.
I'm coming at this with having personal experience with PTSD, and if the son of a bitch who gave me that PTSD is now walking around like his farts smelled like roses, while I get to spend my days wallowing in terror and pain, and now wants to to use ME as a means of proving that his halo is made of pure gold when my blood is made of acid thanks to him?
No matter how many times I tell him NO?
Fuck that motherfucker. He is getting stabbed in the FACE.
Because not once, does Rah acknowledge the damage he has done to M'benga or to Ortegas and Chapel. This is very telling for people who just want to be Forgiven and Need a Second Chance and are Atoning. What are you doing for the people you *actually* hurt? If you are sincere about changing and being better you acknowledge that not everyone is going to give you a hug and hear you apologies. You can't force your apology on people. You can't force people to forgive you (like Rah found out).
Rah literally walked up on a pissed off angry grizzly bear that he had personally and thoroughly tormented and enraged, and tried to force it to hug him. How in God's name did he think that was going to work out?
(and in b4 someone comments on my usage of grizzly bear, when I'm triggered sometimes I feel like a giant feral grizzly bear that's about to start eating furniture, hence the metaphor)
People who haven't been traumatized often don't get that. They want you to play nice. They want things to be good and easy. They want nice edges and soft surfaces. They want you to fold your trauma away and give your tormentor a handshake because the messy business of your trauma doesn't fit with anyone's gameplan. Which often isolates and makes the trauma even worse.
There's the banger of the line that I'm paraphrasing here, that "Some things can't be fixed, only managed" and it was like, YES, THAT, EXACTLY. That's what it feels like, some days.
It also makes Chapel's character make sense in a whole new way, too. Doesn't want relationships. Doesn't want to be tied down in any way. Doesn't want anyone getting close to her, even if she starts to have feelings for them. Because if they get close to her and see what she saw there, and see the broken, jagged, ugly pieces inside of her, she might start screaming and just not stop.
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i drew the mercs, miss pauling, admin, and my tf2 oc on the plane to uni 😭
i did all of these a week ago and completely forgot to post them HAJAHAH miss p, the admin, and a rlly simplified ver of my tf2 oc miss lynn!! (zoey lynn hehe + js rambles abt her) under the cut
IM ACTUALLY REWORKING HER DESIGN RNNNN bcs i made her on the sims 4 LMAO and realised how much better and concise she looked, but i really wanna try and make her look like someone you'd js see irl? sooOOo tryna make her also recognisable from silhouette alone and blahablahblah tho she isn't the kind of character that would rlly make too much of a difference in the tf2 universe
i js wanted to make a loveable character LMAO who'd have more of an impact on the relationships and kinda the story?
i liked the idea of miss p having an extroverted bestfriend who's also her wingwoman bcs miss pauling is obvs an awkward lesbian mess who needs help in the love department, and vice versa bcs zoey is into scout and miss pauling is js so glad to have him move on n realise that they r better as friends!! and that he needs to be with someone who isn't annoyed by him 24/7 (IM SORRY, LWNAKS MY SELF-INSERTEDNESS GOT IN THE WAY HAHAHAHA I CANT HELP IT) also, i haven't rlly thought of any orientation for zoey... i'm thinking of her js being a het woman or js whatever u wanna interpret her as!! cuz her sexuality isn't a core thing abt her
she's an absolute harbinger of chaos who'd do anyt for money and some company (this girl has been hella lonely n stressed out of her mind and i'll explain why in an oc post🤭🤭) and even tho she never outright admits it, she does enjoy the freedom of violence she gets to have as a mann co assistant 😭 (which will ALSO make sense when i explain her background to u guys later on)
and bcs of her long experience w shady bosses and asshole customers she's had to deal within all the jobs she's had, she catches onto the administrator's whole thing with the australium fairly early into the job, but she's in tooooo deep now and is like "damn. do i get myself out of this fucked up job (that i am fucked up enough to actually enjoy) or do i stay bcs i literally have everything i've ever wanted....shit." like,, she did say she'd do anyt for money but at the cost of what 😭 [also MAN i wish we got that final comic so i can js make zoey's suspicions make sense??!?@ but in a way it js works bcs it's js this massive mystery that we don't even know of ourselves???? so likeee, im js assuming its smth rlly dangerous or smth bcs helen literally goes to the most insane lengths to get australium and finish off her final... thingy.. that uh DEBT is it... i forgot what she called it BUT WHATEVER BUSINESS SHE HAD TO ATTEND TO B4 SHE DIED QOABJASH]
OH AND YEAH, zoey hates how bossy the admin is and is an ass abt it at times, and the admin wants zoey gone so badly bcs shes an annoying little shit (which she is and honestly, her and scout can be annoying shits tgt <3) but miss p always convinces her to keep zoey BAGAHAHA and they do get things done much faster w zoey there sooOoOOo 🌝🤭
i mean she does try to kill both miss p & l anyway but still, she can't deny that they r both good at what they do
BWOSBQJS BYE I DONT THINK ANYONE IS GONNA READ THIS AHAGAH BUT THANK YOU IF U DID 😭 I HAVE SM ABT ZOEY AND I RLLY WANT HER TO BE LOVEABLE AUGHWGS
#tf2#team fortress 2#team fortress 2 fanart#tf2 fanart#tf2 memes#tf2 mercs#tf2 scout#tf2 soldier#tf2 pyro#tf2 demoman#tf2 heavy#tf2 engineer#tf2 medic#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#tf2 miss pauling#tf2 administrator#tf2 oc
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"𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞" || 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲 𝐗 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
Genre: Fluff
Synopsis: Reader challenges Draco to a game of Wizard Chess, and whoever loses has to do anything the other wants. Only it goes wrong on several levels.
A/N: Reader is a muggleborn, and Draco gets embarrassed easily. Also, my first one-shot on here! You should totally request something and follow me! Also, I suck at chess, and I'm not proofreading this, so be warned.
"God, you're annoying."
"I know!"
"No, like seriously. I think you're some sort of hell spawn here to personally torture me. I don't know what I did to do deserve this kind of treatment. My life would be better if you were gone from it, honestly."
"It would!"
There was a brief silence between the two of you. Draco stared at you, his eye twitching slightly at your simple responses to his insults.
"Are you only speaking in two words to piss me off?"
"I am!"
"Why do I even entertain you?" The blonde asked himself with a long sigh.
"Because you looooove me?" You suggested with a playful smirk.
"Over my dead body," he shot back in an instant, causing you to pretend to be wounded.
"You're so melodramatic, Draco," you say with a sigh before you smile again, an evil plot forming in your mind, "I'd say you're entertaining me because you want a rematch? Maybe I did get lucky that time at wizard chess!"
A look of intrigue crossed Draco's face as he contemplated his choices. If he'd said yes, he'd have to deal with your annoying voice taunting him for another 15 minutes. But if he said no, he'd probably look like a loser. Plus, he really did want to win against you. With a huff, he sat back down at the table as you pulled out the board and set up the pieces.
"Fine, we'll play again. Only if I'm black this time. You took my lucky color last time," he said as he shot a glare at you.
"Fine by me!" You replied as you leaned your head against your hand and watched the pieces come to life.
Chess had always been something you were gifted at as a child. You used to beat old people at it in the park all the time when you were little. So when you discovered wizard chess was a thing, you knew you'd had to try it out right away! And to your surprise, it was exactly the same as muggle chess, even easier! You just say the position you want the chess pieces to go to, and they do it themselves! You actually found it a bit excessive at first, but it was fun to watch the pieces destroy each other.
The only one who didn't believe that you could be good at Wizard Chess was Draco.
Whatever variant of chess that you played must've been much more simple than the wizard version of it. That was his thought process until you challenged him to a game. And when he lost, you had found out just how much of a sore loser he could really be.
"I'll let you go first," you said with a smile as you watched him intently.
He stared back at you and then eyed the board suspiciously, checking to make sure you hadn't done anything to cheat. You hadn't. You really didn't know how you were supposed to cheat at chess anyway.
"...Pawn to E5," he said eventually, and you watched as the chess piece moved to its respective places.
"Pawn to E4. Say, Draco. Why don't we make this game more interesting?" You say with a smirk.
Draco doesn't answer you immediately and considers his next move.
"Knight to F6. What do you mean by interesting?" He asked, finally looking up at you.
"Bishop to C4. The loser has to do whatever the winner wants!"
"How original," he says as he rolls his eyes, "Bishop to B4. And what would I have to do if you managed to win? Not that you are or anything."
"Hmmmm. How about if you win, I get a kiss from you!" You say cheerfully as you watch Draco's face turn red before you continue, "Pawn to F4!"
"What?! As if. I wouldn't be caught dead kissing a mud-" He paused when he saw the expression on your face, "ahem muggleborn."
Draco had to be careful with the derogatory words he used around you. Although the two of you didn't necessarily respect each other, Draco learned better than to use the word "mudblood" around you. Not after you pushed him to the ground and kicked him repeatedly after he screamed it at you during your second year. After that brutish action, you had earned the bare minimum of respect from him. Even if you were desperately trying to earn more from him.
"And if I win, you have to read aloud that diary entry I found last year. In front of everyone at lunch tomorrow," he said with a smug smirk on his face as you quickly averted your gaze.
"Ugh- I was really hoping you'd forget that one," she said with a sigh.
"How could I? I'd never imagine someone would think of a professor in that way-"
"OKAY, OKAY! You don't have to mention it anymore. Just make your move already!"
"If you insist. Bishop to C3," he said smugly as he watched the Bishop piece destroy your knight piece in a dramatic motion, "Looks like I can look forward to hearing that entry."
"You are the worst, Malfoy."
"As to you, L/N."
A few moves pass, and soon, you're both analyzing the game. Draco wasn't a bad player in any way. You were just naturally better. But this time, he did pose a bit of a challenge. He had become better at predicting your moves. How cute, you thought. He must've been practicing just for you. You smirk to yourself as you watch him, frustrated at what move to play next.
"Pawn to E4," he said, destroying the Pawn you had originally placed there.
"Hm.. I don't like having to think too hard when I play. Guess I'll have to end this game quickly," you say.
"You mean by losing?" He asked with a smirk on his face.
"Maybe! Knight to E5!" You said as you both watched the knight destroy the pawn he had just placed.
Draco went silent in thought, contemplating his next move. If he didn't move a piece to protect his king, you'd be sure to win. But how were you to make him oversee that obvious possibility? You tensed up a bit, realizing that your time is limited by a few seconds. It felt like life and death, knowing that diary entry was on the line. So you acted quickly.
"Hey Draco," you said abruptly.
"What is it?" He asked, slightly annoyed that his concentration was interrupted.
"You have very pretty eyes," you replied.
Draco looked up at you, confused as to why you said something like that randomly. Before he could respond, you reached your arm over the table and gently brushed your thumb against his eyelash, causing him to instinctively close that eye.
"And you have long lashes too. I'm jealous," you say with a smirk.
You could feel the heat rush to his face as he began to turn red again.
"What're you playing at-"
"Oh, Draco!" You say, pretending to be surprised as you pull back your hand, "It's your move."
Draco stared at you in confusion for a second before he cleared his throat and adjusted his collar to compose himself again.
"Right uhh- Pawn to H6-" He said dismissively.
A grin spread on your face. It had worked.
"Queen to C6. That's a checkmate," you say triumphantly as Draco does a double take and looks at you in disbelief.
"What- How?! You- You tricked me!" He exclaimed as he was both embarrassed and also had his pride wounded.
"Perhaps I did! But it was your own fault that you didn't see it was a trick. Maybe you're so smitten with me that you were thinking about me while you made that move?" You teased with a smug smile.
"I did not!! I should've won then, it's not fair if you cheated!" He said indignantly as he glared at you.
"It's not cheating if you let yourself get distracted, though, is it? So you have no one but yourself to blame!"
"You're the absolute worst, Y/N," he grumbled.
"I won't deny that. But it sounds like you're ready for your punishment. Last chance to eat a mint," you say with a smile as you stand up and walk towards him.
He looks up at you with wide eyes as he suddenly remembers the penalty of him losing. The blush on his face appears again as he averts his eyes from you and nervously tugs at his collar.
"You really- Fine, let's just get this over with. And don't say anything to anyone about this," he says as he glares up at you.
"Don't worry, both our lips will be sealed," you say with a smirk as your hand reaches down to hold the side of his face.
You swear you could feel his fast heartbeat through his skin as you lean down towards him. Draco gulps and closes his eyes, accepting his fate and leaning closer to your face. Your lips are only an inch apart before you smirk and blow into his face. He jumps and opens his eyes, looking at you shocked.
"What was that for?!" He asked, confused, as you pulled away.
"I don't know, I felt a bit bad taking away your first kiss like that," you say as you giggle at his reaction.
"What?! No, you're not my- Ugh, never mind! So you did all of that just to act like you're going to kiss me and not do it?"
"I suppose so!"
"But I lost! That was my punishment-"
"And I didn't punish you! Shouldn't you be grateful?
"No- That's not fair-"
"It almost sounds as if you wanted me to kiss you, Draco-"
Before you could say anything else, Draco had stood up and was already walking towards you. Suddenly your face was in his hands as he closed his eyes once more and kissed you.
He was gentle with it, and he was nervous, too. It was almost like it actually was his first kiss. Although you didn't know for sure, you were still pleasantly surprised. You wrap your arms around his neck and gently kiss him back. It was soft and sweet, and it was probably one of the best kiss you had ever had. It lasted for another minute until you finally pulled away.
When you did, it seemed as if Draco finally understood what he did exactly. His face was completely red as he processed everything. He took a step back as he looked at you and then at the ground.
"I'm never playing wizard chess again," he said blankly as he began to walk away at a fast pace.
"This never happened, Y/N. Don't you tell anyone or I'll- I'll-"
"Kiss me again?" You asked with a smile.
Draco looked back at you with both frustration and embarrassment, struggling to come up with a last-minute insult.
"Y'know what? Maybe!" He shouted before he stormed off.
You let out a laugh as you looked back at the chessboard. You smiled as you picked up the queen and held it up. Maybe next time you'd let him win. After all, you knew he'd be back for another round sooner or later.
#x reader#draco malfoy#draco x reader#oneshot#reqs open#harry potter#ronance#fanfic#read please#tsundere#jojo siwa
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Hazbin Hotel 7-8 (Spoil McNoil)
Hazbin Hotel is indeed not an action show.
But at least they tried to have some action.
Should they have tried tho?
(I'm gonna start out ripping, but, I don't hate this show, it's actually pretty funny that does some things super well but then just bumble fucks other big moments)
I mean, here's the thing, they're great at street fights, apparently. Vaggie vs Lute was pretty brutal, I felt like I was watching two bird tear eachother apart. Like a scene out of Gardians of Ga'Hoole.
But the ninja anime fantasy, martial arts type stuff was pretty weak, and didn't really track as something the characters would utilize. Like, Alastor is a cannibalistic voodoo serial killer from 1930's New Orleans. And twice before we've seen Alastor grow and contort to intimidate, kill, etc. But he doesn't do any of that against Adam except for that one aesthetic moment. Instead it's got generic "Tentril powers, GO!" vibes. Husker and Charlie also have this problem. Why is an American Gambler using cards like ninja stars? He can fly dude-- or, can he?
Can Husker fly?
And Charlie- like, she has a sheild, but she can only really use it to protect herself :/ Like, girl, just go inside.
Lucy beating the shit out of Adam was cut so short, Like, 2 secs and 4 punches b4 Charlie goes "DAD STOP ITS TOO MUCH"-- no, let Lucy COOK; I think it would have actually been an interesting point to make on how the reason Lucifer gives for discouraging the Hotel is sinner's being "The Worst", yet here he is clearly having a fit of violence (an understandable one but, Charlie, who's never even been to heaven except for a bs court hearing, has to remind a high-ranking angel to have mercy.) Charlie, razz and Dazz transforming didn't really do anything-- it actually felt more like a game of thrones reference, which would be fine if Razz or Dazz DID anything except die. They also didn't explain Carmilla's motive for helping them well. Like, neat entrance, but the build ups to the pay offs didn't exist :,O
And the voice acting: These guys are great singers, but the noises they make when they get hit, their mid-battle dialogue, is so corny and tonally off for certain characters. Like, Alastor and Charlie's yells in particular are- pardon my accent but cringe af.
Charlie in particular has so many anti-climatic moments. If they meant for her to not be particularly good at fighting, maybe establish that and not have all these super dramatic badass magical girl moments that just lead to her getting dunked on. It was so anticlimactic jeezuz christ.
And really it's more about picking a tone, the anti climactic moments could have been funny if they framed it as a funny moment or a joke, but it's framed seriously so it's read seriously.
But, who doesn't bumble fuck around how to end something though. I've read some juicy, golden touch stories that really freaked out on the gas and steering at the end. So, this isn't anything uncommon, especially for relatively new creators.
They have flaws, who doesn't. I loved so much about this show even when my first impression going in was just cringing at it not being what I expected. This is a critique of love, guys, I genuine wish the best for this show, bc it's apparent that when Viv has the freedom and breathing room she needs to plan and pace, she can cook up a good ass goddamned meal (See: Helluva Boss, Season one). This was them crunching and smushing a ton of story and moments into too-few episodes, which, looking back could have been done better, but its easy to see how something can be better once it's done and out in the world. (See: literally any amature artist 2 seconds after posting their work)
The season finale ended with so many good set ups tho! :D
Lilith vacaying in heaven, having made a deal with Adam.
Alastor becoming desperate for a way out, having made deals with Vaggie and Charlie-- And far more explicitly there against his will. Also--is a future antagonist?
Yes PLEASE. I love that they showed Al loosing his shit through his eyes even with the smile he's always wearing. And they built this up before hand having him talk previously about wearing a smile, basically as a mask.
PENTIOUS
YOU REDEEMED FU-
(I was actually cringing at Pentious the entire time inep 8, I'm sorry but he's so hard to take seriously-- even his "death" was funny as hell. I love him but its like how someone loves a clumsy puppy that destroys your house without neither malice nor remorse)
Also: The exorcists switching leaders- I am wondering how things are gonna change with them, especially given how much more sadistic and violent Lute is. Like, Adam just liked laughing at sinners. He saw them as insults to his existance, his mini-me hates and seems like she just enjoys violence and malice, using ego and "they deserve it" narratives as an excuse to indulge in acts that ordinarily would lan someone in hell.
Overall-- Not the best season finale I've ever seen, execution-wise through these 8 episodes (like, Vaggie got her wings learning to fight for love, but she's been doing nothing but supporting and protecting Charlie this whole time. There was no hint that she was bitter or wanted revenge). They definitely needed to pace and build things better but there's so much to love. Like, Seeing Alastor in his element with Rosie and Nifty was so fun, even if they were small moments (his laugh is so stiff tho, c'mon Al.)
The finale did a good job setting up the future, but I don't have much more to say than that. Hopefully, now that they know they're getting a second season, they'll just, breathe on this one a bit more ya?
I'm glad I watched it, I cried, I laughed, I cringed, I yelled at Pentious for subjecting me to second hand embarrassment. It's great :,D
Also- I hope he doesn't read this and takes it the wrong way, but Vox reminds me of my brother-- Especially with the scenes where he's watching the battle :,D
#hazbin hotel#spoilers#alastor#alastor the radio demon#charlie morningstar#it was ok#season 1 finale#brownthoughts00
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here's my star trek nemesis liveblog
rewatch. this movie isn't fantastic but there's some bits of it that make it better.
- letting riker and deanna get married can make me forgive a lot
- picard being best man is really sweet
- WESLEY SPOTTED? isn't he supposed to be off doing magic in space right now (detour to read the memory alpha for wesley. never mind they actually don't explain him being there at all.)
- "ladies and gentlemen and invited transgendered species" is crazy insane of them to say in 2002. good for that
- data is singing. funny. i like it
- they have a stupid little truck for an away mission which i think is really silly actually
- THEY CAN REMOTE CONTROL THE RUNABOUT?
- "dr soong's penchant for whimsical names seems to have no end" i'm glad that they address that B4's name is stupid as hell. i love the soong brothers Memories, Stories, and Before
- data is one of the few characters that looks good in this era of uniforms
- hey why do the remans look like that.
- riker is so sexy. me when there's some grey in a man's hair. who said that.
- the clone plotline is. strange. also they didn't do a great job casting that man from the front but at least his nose is perfect
- can we stop putting deanna in weird situations. please please please leave her alone.
- star trek movies always greatly overestimate how much i care about a big fight scene in space
- i think star trek should stop killing off characters in movies after the series ends.
- oh my god having a shot of deanna and riker hugging and then immediately cutting to geordi looking at them sadly right after data has died??? daforge crumbs
final second watch thoughts; i watched this movie YEARS ago and forgot most of it except that data died at the end. the actual plotline is questionable and i don't really care about it. i'm not sure why they added the reman lore. the beginning of the movie before it gets dramatic and space-fighty is silly and has some good character moments. otherwise... i get that the point was to do a sort of character study on picard but i don't think they did it as well as it could have been done. unfortunately i'm about to watch picard so i'm sure it will only get worse. 3/5.
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So apparently none of these things are up for debate because no one can reblog or comment
Nice
@amaranthis
Go ahead, "make an example out of me," but only after I make one of you.
First, I swear to god, the only ones making #miserablyDID a thing are people like you. What people like me are trying to tell people like you is that dysfunction is a fluctuating label, and the DSM entry for DID explains that dysfunction can be minimal to non-existent and you can still be disordered, and that's okay.
Disordered isn't a bad word and it's not synonymous with dysfunction, and the DSM explains why and how.
You just don't want to listen and instead continue to spread the idea that you have be miserable and struggling every day if you're disordered. As if people don't live fulfilling, happy lives with all kinds of disorders.
No, DID is definitely the exception, right?
You ignore that the DSM allows for someone to reach final fusion and still have DID based on their ability to split later in life.
You ignore that the DSM explains that a disorder doesn't mean need for treatment, and you silence and hide voices trying to explain that under the guise of protecting endogenics from "hate", meanwhile, the misinformation you're pushing is actively harmful to DID systems.
You ignore when we explain that the DSM states that you can be trans without dysphoria, and that in most cases, dysfunction in that case comes from failures on the side of medical practitioners and deniers. Transmeds go against the DSM and current research, and comparing syscourse to that is hugely dismissive of the fight trans people have fought.
In terms of DID/OSDD, the DSM explains that it IS a trauma-based disorder, but no one bothers to read beyond the criteria (which also mentions trauma? The and/or doesn't mean trauma is optional, but go off I guess). Sysmeds support the DSM and current research.
The fight isn't comparable, and you're basically denying science and history at this point in favour of an argument that doesn't actually apply.
You ignore the very real damage that IFS has done to the treatment of DID/OSDD, and you ignore our concerns when we say we see the same things coming with endogenics if the language used isn't changed and the line clearly separated.
You ignore that we have answers to all of those questions you asked in the tags. We know why and how the cut off age works, and how autism can increase that age to about 12. From the writers of the DSM.
In b4 hypothesized, because we can see it now, and the DSM 5 TR has been updated to reflect this new understanding.
You ignore that we already understand how and why those with DID have alters and how trauma plays into that.
You ignore that this means that: those biomarkers, or injuries = DID/OSDD, and that if someone is apparently a system without those injuries, it is completely, 100% different. How can it not be? Those injuries affect every aspect of our lives-- the way we retain, recall, and manage memories and information, our emotional reactions to things. Someone without them isn't going to understand it, but people like you demonize people like me for pointing that out, despite the fact that it's kind of obvious when you think about it.
You ignore that the DSM is quite clear about what kind of cultural experiences are excluded and why and how, and it's not for teens on tumblr, and saying it is, is denying the long, hard fight to keep spiritual and religious practices out of the DSM, because they're not the same things.
We already have the answers, you just don't like them, and you just proved on this post that you don't actually care about education, you care about silencing people who disagree and try to point out that you're misreading and misunderstanding things.
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Cap Bottom Bingo Masterpost!
Here are all the fics I posted for the @cabottombingo!
I can't believe how many I actually got done! I'd hoped to make a few more full lines, but I was sick in December and January and didn't get as much writing done as I'd hoped.
A3 - "til the end of the line" Soldat i Volkodav (The Fist and The Fang) (steve/bucky, 5k)
Summary:
While on a mission in Canada, the Asset suddenly finds himself free. He follows his partner, the giant wolfhound, because he doesn’t know what else to do. The two end up in the United States, and as his memories begin to return, his need for vengeance grows. Together, they take out hidden HYDRA bases and safehouses across North America. What they find in one base, however, will change everything Bucky ever thought he knew about his time in captivity.
A4 - "Starvation" Some Like It Hot (steve whump, 3k)
Summary:
Steve has been captured by HYDRA. The STRIKE team is having a fun time trying to break him.
Notes:
this is just trash, plain and simple. HTP, hurt no comfort, Steve whump.
A5 - "teleportation" Drastic Measures (steve/thor, 4k)
Summary:
Steve is a barren Omega in a world where his only purpose in life is to create more. In a last-ditch effort to heal himself where science has failed him, he summons the God of Fertility. What he gets, though, is much more than he ever could have hoped for.
B2 - "AU: Bakery" Dashing Through the Snow (steve/bucky, 7k)
Summary:
Steve hates Bucky. Bucky hates him, too, so that’s fine. But when they’re forced to work together and co-teach a class, that anger begins to fade as they slowly learn more about each other. A work trip gone wrong, though, forces them to become much closer than either one ever expected…(aka, the coffee shop college au enemies to lovers snowed in one bed a/b/o that Marv asked for…)
B3 - adopted prompt "truth serum" Careful What You Say (steve/bucky, moodboard + 700 words)
Summary:
Steve is captured and given a truth serum…but his captors get more than they bargained for with the results.
B4 - "Beta Steve" Leg Day (steve/bucky, moodboard + 300 words)
Summary:
Bucky posts some pictures online, creating quite a fuss
B5 - "Much needed hug" Mine (steve/bucky, 5.9k, co-write with @neonbat666)
Summary:
Steve is captured by Hydra while on a mission. Naturally, that doesn't sit very well with Bucky, and he makes every person involved pay dearly for hurting his Steve. Once Steve is safe at home and on the road to recovery, Bucky takes measures to ensure anyone else will think twice about touching what belongs to Bucky.
notes: htp, branding
C3 - free space Smooth Talker (steve/bucky, 7.7k)
Summary:
When Steve decided to try waxing instead of shaving to avoid catching his body hair in the Cap suit, things don't go quite the way he expected. Between misunderstanding the listing on the website and thirsting over the man doing the procedure, he's not sure he'll survive the appointment.
C5 - picture prompt, person restrained My Heart Has Teeth (steve/bucky, 4.7k, with art by @mxaether)
Summary:
During a mission gone wrong, Bucky gets captured. Whoever has him proves particularly hard to track down, and while Steve does his best to ignore how much he’s spiraling, Bucky tries to keep a thread of hope—and his sanity—alive.
Notes: Vampire Bucky
D2 - "Back Alley Fight" I Love Watching You (With Other Men) (chapter one) (steve/bucky, 6.6k total)
Summary:
During the heat wave of 1936, Bucky discovers a secret that Steve has been keeping from him.
He also discovers a few things about himself in the process.
In the future, they find new ways to recreate the past.
D3 - "Saliva" You Make This All Go Away (chapter two)
Summary:
Six months after the helicarrier fight, strange security breaches at the Smithsonian have Steve, Natasha, and Sam running stakeouts, hoping to catch the person responsible—the person they believe to be one very elusive Bucky Barnes.
In what is probably his most bizarre undercover op ever, Steve finally makes contact with the man he thought he’d lost forever.
What he’s not prepared for is what happens after, when Bucky appears in Steve’s apartment in the middle of the night.
D4 - "Creature: Has Tentacles" Into this night I wander (It's morning that I dread) (steve/bucky, steve/johann schmidt, 784 words)
Summary:
Steve gets captured by HYDRA and learns more about Johann Schmidt than he ever wanted to know
notes: htp, oviposition, hurt no comfort
D5 - "skinnydipping" Resurfacing (steve/bucky, moodboard + 1.8k)
Summary:
While Steve is visiting Bucky in Wakanda, Bucky takes Steve to his favorite swimming spot for a heart to heart conversation.
E1 - adopted prompt: "Tied to a Table" I Love Watching You (With Other Men) (chapter three) (steve/bucky, 6.6k total)
Summary:
During the heat wave of 1936, Bucky discovers a secret that Steve has been keeping from him.
He also discovers a few things about himself in the process.
In the future, they find new ways to recreate the past.
E5 - "Sexting" Nineteen Hours (and thirteen hundred miles) (steve/bucky, explicit moodboard + 614 words)
Summary:
Bucky and Nat are on their way home from a mission that has taken far too long for Steve's liking. He sends Bucky some incentive to move a little faster ;)
#cabottombingo#steve rogers#bucky barnes#bottom steve rogers#dubcon#hydra trash party#non-con#stucky moodboard#top bucky barnes#top thor#alpha bucky#beta steve#omega steve rogers#christmas fic#enemies to lovers#wakanda stucky#fluff and smut#friends to lovers#only one bed#stranded#snowed in#avengers tower#vampire bucky#hurt no comfort#no happy ending#angst with a happy ending#nomad steve#bucky barnes recovering
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HIYAAA beloved I hope ur having a good day <33 can i request a headcanon xiao and kazuha brushing ur hair because YES oh and I’m a girl but gn is fine for me soooo ,if ur feeling uncomfortable with this feel free to ignore
goinsg insane over this prompt <3 some short and sweet hcs for u and frankly also me <3
pairing: xiao, kazuha x reader (separate)
tw: none brainworms
type: fluff
pronouns used: none
a/n: wrote this right before going to sleep i love it here... some soft soothing vibes for u anons b4 you go off to bed.... (///￣ ￣///) *i put some nice smelling flowers on ur heads as u drift off*
XIAO
genuinely confused when you ask him to brush your hair
i mean... can't you do it yourself? why would he want to touch your wet hair? you just showered. put some clothes on first.
mortals and their silly relationships and stupid ways of showing intimacy... whatever.
you don't even have to beg him tbh, he gives in pretty quickly and dubiously picks up the hairbrush
he doesn't brush his hair! he's a wind adeptus it just does that by itself (ง ื▿ ื)ว (screw you xiao)
you've run your fingers through his hair before, so he knows it feels nice. he just doesn't understand why hair
has you sit down in front of him and tentatively brushes
it's much to soft and he's not getting anything done so you tell him he can be a bit more assertive
immediately rips the brush through your hair all together much too aggressively
when he sees how much it hurts, he's at a loss for words..... tries comforting you and patting the part where you're clutching your scalp but it ends up hurting more
eventually he quite literally tosses the hairbrush aside (rip) and has you lay your head in his lap instead
he can control his fingers much better, so he figures if he just cards them through your hair like you do for him, it won't be as difficult
he's right!
it's so soothing that you fall asleep on him, and before much longer, his fingers still themselves
for a yaksha who claims not to need sleep, and for one who often can't without nightmares, this is an excellent repose
KAZUHA
king of hairbrushing i think actually
it's a routine for you two to brush each others hair before bed and when you get up in the morning
kazuha sleeps with his hair down! if he ties it up overnight he gets a headache and it messes with the shape of it
i think his hair is soft and fluffy but a little bit dry.... pls tell him to use his conditioner
kazuha has this really really old hairbrush that's been in his family for ages. it's one of the only things he brought with him when he left inazuma
for him, brushing your hair particularly is a very intimate act
something something trusting your partner enough to let your walls down and allow them to take care of you in the simplest and most domestic of ways
IM WEAK. so is kazuha
he takes his sweet time too. you've fallen asleep on more than one occasion to be sure
while you brush his hair, he likes to tell you stories
whether it be folklore, his own adventures, songs he's heard from bards, his own stories he's just making up
he tells jokes, too
he likes to feel the way the air escaping your laugh tickles the back of his neck
hairbrushing always ends with light sweet kisses on the forehead or cheek. or, if he's feeling playful, on the lips
very treasured experience
#AUGH IM GOING INSANE IM GOING INSANE#genshin impact#kazuha x reader#xiao x reader#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin#kazuha#kaedehara kazuha#xiao#gi xiao#kaedehara kazuha x reader#xiao hcs#kazuha hcs#gn!reader
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gay twilight princess character headcanons bc it pride month
look im sure someone else has done it but idc i have A Lot Of Feelings rn and they have 2 go somewhere so get on board or get off ma ass about it
Link:
u no him, u love him, he has like 3 pixels in this game and all of them r doing their best!
he's coming from a conservative little backwater (i say this as the unfortunate alum of a conservative little backwater myself-- sorry, but Ordon's main export is like. goats or w/ever, there's no way there aren't any trump supporters in that town), but i think once he travels around n gets 2 experience different things on his quests n shit he starts 2 unravel some of that internalized homophobia & becomes a great ally and, dare i say it, a little bi-curious
"but, gabe," i hear u say, "link is such a nonbinary icon, what about the transmasc & transfemme gender envy???" and 2 that i say mmmmm yea yea ik, but i don't think he sees it in himself yet, i think that comes later when he's got more adult confidence n shit. like i can see a 20's/30's link with long luscious braided hair wearing crop tops and mini skirts 2 show off his sick nasty battle scars while he picks ppl up at the bar
final verdict is bi and, later, genderqueer, although i think he's one of those ppl who doesn't really care about labels/ pronouns bc he is simply 2 busy sparkle emoij boots the house down slaying monsters hahahah get it im hilaris
Midna:
now that's a she/they if ever i've met one
one of those ppl whose gender presentation is mostly just looking like a scruffy & stinky goblin cretur 95% of the time except 4 that like. 2% of the time they actually make an effort and turn out****
def has a bro-code friendship w link where they both just don't talk about their feelings and instead r violent together love this little war criminal & her dog best friend
ur 1st instinct is lesbian, but look a little closer, and u will soon realize that this is simply a pansexual with a strong preference 4 women in their natural habitat
i think she is trying 2 b a responsible queer bc she knows link is unfamiliar w the community n she is trying 2 b a good ambassador between link n the gays uhhhhh unfortunately she is simply 2 busy trying 2 commit crimes & being like. a chronically online 20-year old or however old she's supposed 2 be & i think link comes away more confused than ever b4
****couple things here: a) ik that doesn't add up to 100%-- i am gay, what part of do not talk 2 me about numbers don't u understand b) ik midna was literally cursed 2 b an imp by zant, but it doesn't change anything in my mind and u can't convince me that she didn't just pull out her "true form" bullshit 2 try an seduce zelda at the end of the game c) no i have no personal experience with this gender presentation at all how dare you insinuate anything of the sort i have totally showered this week totally now shut up
Zelda:
Lesbian, no further questions ur honor
Furthermore, femme lesbian, often gets Assigned Straight On Sight & is very tired of getting hit on by straight men
One of those gays who wear wacky silly n fun statement earrings so other queer ppl know they're gay
We don't actually see her a lot in this game so there's not much 2 go off of with her characterization... this zelda has had a lot of pressure put on her what with being the sole leader of her people in this time of extreme stress, & so i think she is very competent & composed & controlled, but out of necessity, which will prob lead her 2 rebel later in life & act out a little when the country is not at war & she gets to be more of a child again.... basically what im saying is twilight princess should've had a sequel n it should've started w zelda deciding she's punk now, shaving her head, and making link help her run away from home
EDIT: how did i not see this b4...... i have been a fool...... zelda is secretly an astrology gay. it's one of her guilty pleasures bc she knows it's prob not real n the planets prob aren't doing anything w ppl's personalities, but she can't help but b like oooh but wouldn't it b fun if the real reason zant was such a little bitch was just bc his pisces is in retrograde?
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yk what guys time to refute all of the hate all quiet has been getting bc i have nothing better to do
ok so i am having a very hard time understanding how a film score without lyrics can be offensive. does it make fun of something that requires nuance? no??? this score is not satirical in any way nor does it appropriate cultural music so where the fuck did offensive come from??? also what is so bad about the score being anachronistic? in fact i think this is one of the best aspects of it, if a film score has to be strictly within whatever period the film is set in not only does it lead to one dimensional uninnovative film scores, it just doesnt make sense in some scenarios. does a prehistoric film have to feature sticks as its only instrument?? ok even if we take all of that at their best, i feel like we're being too severe a couch critic, like cmon, they won for a reason, we don't have to be this rude about it, just say it's mid and call it a day...
yay lets generalize a very diverse fanbase bc it makes it easier to strawman and push my argument!! ok anyways i think a rlly big thing with sucessful adaptations is that ur gonna have to change some stuff. what works on paper might not necessarily work on the big screen. i get that a huge point of contention is the ending change and the cutting out of the returning home section. so about the ending first, i actually liked the changes bc while i get the poetic ending of the book, i think the movie ending does rlly well for character development and rlly goes all in to show the psychological changes paul experiences during the war. if we did keep what they were doing in the book, we might run into a lot of issues bc we're able to know what paul is feeling however that might be difficult to translate on film. also, we get interesting interpolation and final emphasis on the theme of how war is essentially just a puppet game. without the changes of the 11am armistice or the final orders from the evil general dude, we lose the new themes that the film brought in which would feel less complete than status quo. ok so the returning home argument, the novel is obviously more complex than the film but that doesn't make it better or worse. our film at hand already has a huge run time, if we tried to shoehorn in another whole theme, that might be too ambitious and we lose the focus the film has right now. i would definitely choose a world where they focus on one theme and do it really well, which is what's happening rn, over a line by line adaption that could feel messy and end up being too ambitious. again, a line by line adaptation has already been done and i wouldn't fault anyone for thinking the 1930 version is better, it just means it would be even worse and completely redundant to make another line by line adaptation rn. also again, these are completely all my opinions and its def valid to disagree on all of them but the real root of the issue i have with op's comment is how they chalk it all up to ppl not reading the books. it just comes off as rlly elitist and just not representative of what ppls actual opinions rlly are. also it's better to attack the media itself rather than ppl who enjoy the media 💀
braindead bird app time, here we have the classic case of someone thinking it's cool to shit on the film that all their twt mutuals are shitting on rn without ever having seen it. sorry if this is a bit left field but next time maybe watch the film b4 commenting on it?????????
this is honestly one of the least problematic opinions out of the all quiet haters so far but i am still responding to this bc the only category all quiet beat banshees in was original score (why is it always this) and the score doesn't have much to do with whether or not this film is a war film or if soldiers appeal to u or how many times this has been remade. and like i agree, banshees score, phenomenal, but if all quiet lost it still would go to babylon so i feel like the anger here is rlly misdirected.
all quiet haters cannot seem to comprehend that this film is not a remake holy shit. and even if it is inferior, it would only be inferior storywise bc u cannot fucking argue the point that 1930s vfx and cinematography are better than the 2022 version. and the only sweeps all quiet got were technical category sweeps so the inferior remake point is entirely irrelevant. and i am willing to bet 5 bucks this person didnt watch the movie bc then they would understand that technical aspects and story aspects are different bc what it sounds like rn is they're repeating whatever they've heard without properly applying the criticism to its accurate category.
.
.
ok im done now very slay if you've read all of this im sleep deprived bc of babylon dickriders so ignore my gramatical mistakes ty.
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Hello!! i just saw your answers :') sorry it took some time!
aaaa i keep hearing lots of good stuff about Lamento but I'd have to find somewhere to download it tho I'm bad at installing games like that ,_, i did it for re:connect and it was a pain and took forever to figure out lol
i haven't played slow damage either! but i heard about the english release which is nice 👀
i only played TnC, sweet pool and dmmd .. it's funny because i never heard of any of those games before the beginning of this year :') i also prefer Sweet pool to TnC , just the whole general vibe i don't really know how to explain why tho x)
while i do love Tetsuo, Youji is alright too but for unknow reasons Zenya has stolen my heart :"))) and it's funny because i was expecting Makoto to be maybe the only "sweet" ending or something LOL it ended up being the most unhinged lmao i would have liked more than 1 ending option with Zenya and Makoto too ~
as for TnC Nano is my absolute favorite! i was also suprised with Motomi when i did his route i really fell in love with it too
currently listening to the sweet pool OST on repeat :')
rambled a lil so putting my answer under the cut!
OH HI HI HIIIII dony even worry abt it! man lamento is a pain to download i could only figure it out after looking at a youtube tutorial u have to dl all this extra stuff for it too its 😵💫😵💫😵💫 but it was worth it for me!!! such a beautiful game, tho its so long.
WERE STILL WAITING FOR THAT ENGLISH TRANSLATION LMAOOOOO IM DYING OVERNEHRE I CANT DO THIS ANYMROE I WANNA PLAY OT SO BAD!!!;÷^#^@^$^#&
hehe i only got to know abt the other chiral games late in last year...b4 that i only knew dmmd 😭 tho im glad i found out its been keepint me going since then nsbfdbsb
oh same same same i cant rly explain what i love so much abt sweet pools overall setting and atmosphere its so quiet and kinda peaceful but also a lil ominous? it always feels like smth bad is goinf to happen, which it does. i guess...but yeah theres always that feeling of "something is happening" in the air even in ordinary scenes, and it feels kinda nostalgic..the setting..idk. i love the lgihting and stuff in it too and the muted colours hmm yes.
ill be honest i didnt like tetsuo for a rlyyy long time. i still feel he has a bit of a cardboard box personality but he has his moments, and i dont hate him or anything..youji is very close 2 me tho im very fond of him.hes liek a friend to me, idk why tho..and same!!!! zenya is ky fav char i liked him from his first appearance!!&$^@ he seemed like such an entertaining n interesting personality?#,%,# and thd mroe i got to know abt him the more itneresting hsi char got..
ik zenya has done many bad things and it disgusted me also, but overall i still thought he was pretty well written n hes definitelyyy my favourite chsr hes jsut so interestimg i could write a whole analysis on him i think..i should..tho i never want zenya n youji to interact they should be kept entire cities apart imo in fact zenya himself should jsut move away farrr away drom his dad and all thid bs i think.
plsss there r no sweet endings in sweet pool 😭😭😭😭 tho just for my own happiness i like to imagien a universe where youji n makoto actually get to rebuild their relationship post hospital scene, anf they all hang out like they had planned...CRIES....
hmm abt tnc id say rin is my fav i loveeee his personality his design (NOT HIS POST TIME SKIP DESIGN THAT OUTFIT IS UGLYYYY) !! i liked nano in routes that werent his, but his route left such a bad taste in my mouth i cant bring myself to enjoy him anymore 😢 he still looks very comfy cozy tho, which i appreciate! i knew id love motomi from the start bc hes a dilf character (which is My Type) and i heard hes really kind n sweet so i lovedddd him! i love akira also <3 and i unfortunstely kinda like gunji too im sorry im SORRYYYY HES TERRIBLE HE WAS JEUT RLY ENTERTAINING tho his ending was obv painful to sit through. im sorry !!!&#^$ and i lvoe akiractoo so much more than i expected? hes a good kid <33
IM RAMBLING TOO MUCH ILL SHUTCUP NOW SBFBSB TY FORNTHE ASKKK
#LOOK HOW HARD I CAN TALK ABT NITRO CHIRAL#ask#long post#i cant put things under the cut on mobile app or smth? ill try on desktop ver and edit the post if i can..#oh ive always got the sp or lamento ost on repeat#tagging w the fandoms just so i can find it easily lmaoo sorry#dmmd#tnc#sweet pool#lamento
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do you have any thoughts on the current r/usty qu!ll situation and the controversy surrounding the recent article written about them? totally understand if you don't wanna get into it. you just often have insightful commentary on stuff so i wondered if you had anything to say about this. personally i think it's a little absurd the lengths some people are going to to defame and discredit the article writers
Oh yeah i saw that happening on twitter..im like a leeetle bit biased bc yeah ive been following the fable n folly network since very on like when it was just alba salix n the space show and yeah i follow sean n eli (the cocreators of the network) on insta bc dog pics so ive formed a minor attachment
Ok now to get into the actual meat of it all, heres a link to the article
I was already seeing some of the claims of the article bubbling up b4 it came out, which ok you might argue are there to add credibility to some shit tht isnt true but the claim that this is a smear campaign just feels so off base, yes newt made a mistake in not saying they were a marketing director for fable n folly up front but like...
I dodnt wade deep into the discrediting happening i just viewed some qrt while it was happening bc i do often go through those. I think if you believe that rusted queels growth was totally organic w no growing pains n anybody trying to point out a problem w them is trying to smear them for the competition well... Thats dumb
RQ and fable n folly r such different networks FnF doesn't have anything to gain from "taking RQ down" like ok sure they both have actual play podcasts set in space but otherwise
I do think that trying to keep every criticism of podcasts n networks to hush networks like discord is doing more harm than good yes ppl involved in the industry should get to talk abt shit others have done even if its 'indie'
I guess theres a response now i skimmed it idk enough Abt the situation to weigh in either way but idk i didnt think the tone of the article was as harsh as RQ makes it out to b it n casting aspersions on a person who .... Made a mistake like the company is owning up to their mistake is just so...
Also i refuse to believe this happened in dec like wtf i thought the article happened in summer... Newt has not edited the article so i am going to their twtr rn to see if they had a response
Edited: there is a response from the editors of the first article
I read it and the one qualm i have is bringing in BLM into the explanation Abt journalism like yes the conversation abt journalistic impartiality harms pic n is built on white supremacy but it felt odd to esp focus on tht when ppl are trying to discredit your journalism as three white ppl .... Especially to specifically bring up BLM but otherwise this article literally addressed everything
#idk man yeah i believe the article was written in good faith#perhaps the sources were biased perhaps not#general answer is tht the indie podcast 'community'/industry has growing pains#tht means writing an article w perhaps less good sources bc you believe tht someone is actually being exploited#asks#anon#tl:dr i think ppl coming for the article writers throat for assumed malicious itention r annoying
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Omg omg omg Curly Shepard headcannons. Now I actually have to use the rest of my braincells. I love Curly but I never actually think about headcannons for him.
Curly Shepard HCs:
He's bad. Silly bad and bad bad. I mean.. have u seen him in the other s.e. hinton film ? I mean look at him.
He's naturally a class clown (even if he's never in class half the time from being in the reformatory) he's the funniest person you'll ever meet. Behind twobit of course.
He's allergic to bees. Haha loser. Bees, wasp, hornets, all of those he's allergic to.
He never runs away from a bee tho, instead he tries to kill it b4 it kills him.
He never really greases up his hair bc it's curly. And if you've ever seen curly hair with gel or grease,,, it's crunchy. He's not gonna have crunchy hair. Not in this ethnic household.
That little fucker never washes his leather jacket. He can't risk it. So he smells smelly.
The only time it's ever been washed properly is when Tim had to steal it himself and wash it bc it smelt so bad. W from Tim
He steals the dumbest shit ever. One time he stole a book on u.s. history for no reason. But it's okay bc he just gave it to Pony after,,,
He rarely ever gets sick. I mean he's always dirty and probably wet from rain or smth, so he has a strong immune system.
He doesn't like sweets that much. He likes more savory food or spicy food.
He prefers silver items/jewelry over gold.
I for some odd reason feel like he wears like 2 pairs of socks at a time. U never know when you're gonna need a sock-
He hates ketchup. He's a ketchup hater sorry yall 😔
He's probably done some freaky shit just to weird ppl out or scare them.
Once he drank mustard out the packet at a diner to scare some guy staring at him. He's that type of guy <3
He prob doesn't clip his nails. He cleans them, but doesn't really clip them bc they don't grow that long at all.
Instead he bites them. He bites his nails.
Whenever he doesn't have that nasty ass jacket on, he smells like some nice expensive cologne he stole.
He's the type of person to smash glass bottles in the middle of the street for the fun of it and just leave it there. Hard headed ass boy.
He doesn't like animals all that much, but... hear me out. Lions. He likes lions.
He only owns two pairs of shoes. Some black boots and black converse.
IM DONE IM FINALLY DONE OMG
I'm so goated 💪🏾 could never beat me.
That's all of the list, enjoy it. Pls.
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I'll say for as much grief as I've seen with this season, it's actually the first season where I really thought MC was in danger. Cuz u know, it's mc obvi she's not going to be BUT she should be, she should feel in danger as everyone else sometimes and it DID make me react.
I was like oh shit Mc booted off real? 👀 (I don't think that storyline could've been executed in an interesting way cuz u'd miss lots of bonding time with the ROs)
And like in the latest episode, when it came to choosing a couple , in the end I chose Arlo and Peter just because if that decision came out they'd be the people it would matter least to me. Cuz everyone's secrets (especially MC's) are out all the fucking time and I was like. What a perfect way to create drama than to reveal who you voted for. See, in s2 (or other seasons, they're kinda a blur ) I was secure enough that nobody would betray MC that way or that it wouldn't happen, but the fact I did think it could happen this season is...exciting in a way.
MC isn't immune! And that's interesting but I do wish she wasn't fucking getting gang pilled on every 2 seconds like christ 😵💫
Like yes maybe MC's situation has felt precarious in other seasons (never felt that way to me but yk) at least she had FRIENDS. Like can we get s5 MC some fucking friends I'm BEGGING 🤚😭 Dana is well (gesture vaguely at whatever the fuck she got going on) and my opinion of Kat changes a lot. Fluctuates like her opinion of MC ♡ I like Kat, I think she could've made for an awesome best friend to MC. She tells it how it is, and isn't afraid to make herself pass first, like I don't need a friend for MC who's always groveling at her feet. The confidence is nice! And it would've been nice to see Kat genuinely care for MC, and it could've even been a 'slow-burn' friendship. Cuz she clearly was set up as the rival character at the start, but yk when Dana starts flirting with Suresh or sumn she comes see u and you can talk to her. While Dana isn't exactly honest to MC and telling her what she wants to hear (in advices b4 casa amor 💀) Kat could've been this girl who's stick to her guns. Yes you may not have liked what she said but maybe you needed to hear it yk. They could've done that with Arlo too, like I was ready to like her and then she gives me shit for a man that I hadn't flirted much with 🤚😭 Like girl c'mon (it must be worse when you haven't expressed any interest in Suresh at all )
Also another thing while I'm thinking about it, is that you can flirt with Arlo, she shows interest for like a second before shifting to Dana. And with a bi MC it's kinda. Funny I suppose to see Dana get the girls (Arlo&Gabi) at least you can express interest in Gabi 💀
Another point is; everyone always saying people wants MC....uhm. Where? They may want MC but sure as shit ain't showing it 👨🦲 You never feel like you're passing first this season, which ig in a narrative where MC is a normal contender is fine but gameplay wise? Sucks. Like someone who's just genuinely into mc is not that hard and some might have found that with Alfie and if you stick with him he switches for Meera cuz of ur baggage but is still into you? Like boy 💆♀️. MC shouldn't feel unwanted here 😭 Or even Finn (which depends if he's honest ig - I think he is and for argument sake let's suppose he is), he's telling MC he's into but never has shown that interest proper throughout the time with him. Moments where he pulls us aside it's always for Kat or Arlo stuff and it's like ok? No cheeky banters, nothing?
Suresh is playing his little games and Eddie never appealed to me so, I didn't give him much attention but I don’t think yall had much content either.
Nicolas/Johnny is well. It is what it is. They have their cute moment but it's hard to say that they choose MC cuz they genuinely looe her or cuz of the baggage. Of course, it doesn't bother them cuz they need to exploit it.
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I disconnect from my emotions as a protective measure when I feel unsafe
I sit in disbelief when I can't understand the hurtful actions that have happened
I wonder to myself if it was only good for a little bit and it was short lived
I feel the creeping dread of knowing it was a false safety all along, and how stupid of me to let myself trust it
I feel surprise every time there's a different outcome
I feel the guard gates give
I feel sections of my emotions that hit me unanticipated, ones I wasn't able to prepare for
I feel relief to know I was wrong, that he knows it was wrong
> 11am-12:30 21/04/24
1:48pm continuing on//
i woke up at 10, knowing he said 11
wen to the toilet thought aboutast night
lacking coherent feelings for it but wondering if I should currently have some
11 alarm I was back in bed I went back to slep bc i tired
woke up a minute b4 11?? why idk am I feeling too wired from last night to feel safe enough to sleep ???? or is my body so accustomed to a slep schedule that it's not letting me or is my inner guilt of sleeping the day away stopping me from sleeping in and has that been exacerbated by the fact that I know if I let it happen it will steamroll and spiral and he won't have the willingness to fix it??
anyway wow derailed
11am alarm go off he up at 11:06 he roll over to touch me smilex
im glad he's not mad but he keeps going back to sleep but then he said I have 15min timer if I fall back
which also wowee new thing he wouldn't have done that b4 so tangible effort is visible
anyway he gets up and goes to kitchen and half hour later I see he on floor sleeping
Oh ok I was misled
I go wake him and remind him he said 11
he told me to stop and that he didn't expect an alarm to go off at 8am and 10am
i don't focus on this bc I know he's sleepy and defensive so I need to chill before I lash out but I still bank it bc it hurt
I clean out the coffee machine bc I know I need the caffeine
I think about how he would be able to force himself to get up if it was work and how I don't seem to hold the same importance which speaks to how I'm constantly being made to feel inferior to everyone bc he sees me as lower and treats me with less respect bc he respects me less bc he thinks less of me
he eventually sits up
and I finish cleaning and go over and sit with him
he nicely says hi and apologises for being grumpy earlier
i say are you still mad
he says I wasn't mad
I say you were bc u said something defensive u said I'm not the one that had an 8am and 10am alarm
he says no I said j didn't anticipate that I would be woken up at 8am and 10am bc I figured you would have turned them off --- making the reason why I'm hurt rn my fault ---- deflecting, but maybe he knows he fucked up and is already trying to justify it
I said I didn't think to turn them off you didn't explicitly tell me to -- so we both forgot but it's my fault why --- you didn't anticipate being woken up at 8 and 10 but I didn't anticipate being emotionally chewed up and spit out last night we are not the same
I shut down my emotions because I'm protecting myself and you think that's manipulation. i shut off my emotions and replace them with narrowed eyes, suspicion, and scrutiny as I try to understand what I'm seeing in front of me because ((putting someone through these levels of extreme emotion and high ups and low downs is insanely emotionally manipulative and these extremes would derail any person's grasp of sanity making them feel crazy and question their reality)) because very faintly i wonder at 2% what if he's is actually manipulating me?? and i dont see it??))
and for some reason if i don't show a very clear and vulnerable response and i put my guard up instead, you think im malicious BECAUSE you have an overactive risk sense. you look for reasons to confirm your fears and you don't challenge them nearly enough which makes you more dangerous than you think i am bc you are more likely to give in to the feeling of the moment rather than the facts of the matter
so I have to consistently be vulnerable so that you can trust me enough to not be a heartless cold being who thinks he needs to use an umbrella when it's not raining
when i have the same level of fear of being vulnerable yet i am constantly having to push down and dismiss my own feelings, and trust you without reason to
when do you take the same risks as me? or do you feel so inferior and defective to me that you need to push me down to feel level?
----++ continuing from I said "you knew about my alarms and they've been happening for the last 2 years "
you said "figured you would've turned them off when we agreed 11"
i said "i didn't think of it, nor did you" if you knew interrupted sleep bothered you so much you should have anticipated this risk and said this
if I wanted to be overly considerate and "read your mind" which I am often doing and anticipating your needs for you, I would know to turn off my alarms because I would know that my alarms may bother you. and prior to this relationship, this is a consideration and care that I would have taken. in this relationship I have learnt that I must undo my next level hyper vigilance and need anticipation because you won't do the same and the more I do this and not get it in return is damaging my image of you
so i didn't do it either, both of us having the knowledge that I have 2 alarms
taking into even 30% account the aggressively unsafe past conversation it's reasonable for me not to be my normal level of overly considerate a standard to which i held myself to that I M in the process of undoing bc I have little to give and must manage my resources more efficiently
you paused and said 'i think I said that because of feelings I have underneath" or something to that effect
I did not understand the sentence specifically because the sentence used "feeling" instead of "other feelings" and this is the loudest thing I remember as to why I said "what" and you had to repeat what you said
you repeated "I think I said that because of other feelings inside of me"
and I said "what feelings"
you said "resentment"
and yesterday you gave me a wound where you accused me of something outrageously baseless and heartless
and I automatically also thought resentment bc I predicted that you would have been annoyed that you had to be awake and blamed me for it and then found something else to blame for your difficulties in waking up by pointing out that my alarms interrupted your sleep so your difficulties is my fault
I said "I also thought that" and something else I can't remember
and you said "I don't want to get into anything right now"
I said "I didn't ask you to" bc I didn't open the conversation up for it
you got defensive and said "yes you did" because literally i did but as a response
you started the fire but because i added to it thinking that you wanted the fire because you started it, you said that i started the fire because you only suggested a fire and i lit it
you opened the conversation(fire) by saying something that naturally prompts more questions
i asked these questions and instead of making it clear then that you weren't asking for a conversation, you responded and said something that would be hurtful (and you probably weren't even considering it because you went "I'm just innocently saying how I feel" even though deep down I'm well aware if my partner told me she resented me I would also be hurt)
so from my POV you've opened a conversation, I asked, you attacked me by telling me you resent me , and then when i tried to understand it you put up a wall and pushed me away
and when i pointed out that you were creating distance, you deflected that back on me and said that you had to create distance because i was pushing so that was my fault
and if I examine this and think about it deeply, you probably 1. realised what you said about the alarms was defensive, and said that you said that in response to an inner feeling realising it was wrong 2. voiced your negatively biased thoughts out loud without any consideration for how the words would be received 3. reactively got annoyed because you were asked to think about it and you didn't want to think about something negative about yourself bc that confirms your defectiveness wound so you lashed out at me instead, saying it's my fault you're feeling uncomfortable things
at the end of the day it's 2:58pm and you said 11am but you've done nothing to make that possible and blamed me for you not being able to 👍
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