#i feel like at this point i have to commit to the bit and do all of the hermits

[ganondoodle]

( totk rant?)

i have talked alot about my problems with totk in detail, as most of you probably know by now- but there really is a vibe of big ambitions but then not committing to it throughout the game

they want to have that building mechanic in it no matter what in a world that isnt in any way build around it, mister "freedom = good, linear = bad" guy wanting to give you ultimate freedom in the game (which imo leads to it being nothing again) but not committing to it and it creates a really toxic loop of things being more punishing than rewarding

you can build a fuckton of weird vehicles, but big parts, ESPECIALLY the glider, is on limited time so you cant actually go anywhere you want; they know giving you absolut freedom will remove any possible challenge- so they limit it by making the glider part timed, but then they cant do that for every single part bc it would be almost impossible to create anything that works well when every part is on a timer and you dont know how much of its lifespan is left bc you accidentally hit a fan once so now its uneven with the other one AND the more parts you have the more it uses battery, it makes sense, so you cant build soemthign super overpowered right at the start and its just kinda logical, but it leads to you being incentivised to build something with the fewest parts that dont have a timer-

then theres the battery power, which they try to limit by putting its upgrades behind multiple different currency exchanges, which is frustrating and leads to alot of grinding and gets overpowered really fast (it works against itself too that said currencies are all placed in the most undeveleoped and repetetive area of the game and are all never involved in anything interesting, its reused old enemy camps and the same mines everywhere, theres not a single reward in the underground that actually feels rewarding imo)

then you get the autobuild thing, so you can skip the building part of the building mechanic that is the main selling point of tha darn game, bc they know it can get frustrating to rebuild your things over and over so they give you a skip button for that if you are one of those players that doesnt like it BUT THEN they cant jsut let you do it for free so they give it a price, either spend the same currency you need for the exchange for the one you need for battery upgrades or spend parts you collected- both of which are things players generally save up and refuse to use (like the -never use any health potions bc what if i need it more at some point- thing is a problem for a reason)

then theres the added thing of the building stuff despawning incredibly quickly, im gonna guess its otherwise a performance problem (that the game is already struggling hard with) but it makes the entire already bad loop of trying to fix a problem with bandaids over and over even worse, you dont want to go too far away from your vehicles bc it will despawn and waste all that you used to build it, its like a leash to you stopping you from actually using it for more freedom- and potentially adds another annyoance bc you might try to bring it with you as far as you can, a monster truck in the depths you spend all your parts on gets stuck on the first bits of terrain you run into and you desperately try to get it out without destroying it, and if you cant you need to spend a ton of resources to build it again, even with autobuild

which is how you get the hoverbike, stupidly overpowered and boring but doing anything else is just less efficient in every way, it uses the least amount of battery, never breaks, is only 3 parts to rebuild

(i know me in particular doesnt enjoy the building in totk at all, for all those reasons and more ...... shiekah ........ and i know you CAN still choose to doing it more creatively, but you never need to, its entirely based around YOU making it fun for yourself, and i dont think its that controverisal to say a game should be fun and challenging without you having to create all the fun yourself and set yourself limit it all yourself)

similar goes for the dungeons, they heard you want the dungeons of old times back, but their strict adherance to freedom (which they themsleves contradict) leads to them being more breakable and less dungeony than even the titans in botw, they cant make it linear, thats BAD, so you can do any puzzle in any order, it cant build on any of the others bc you need to be able to do it when you want (the only one going slightly against that is the lightning one? maybe?), totks dungeons dont even limit that you cant climb them (even the titans in botw recognized that makign it easy to break so they are made of the same unclimbable material like the shrines and other shiekah tech) and the new abilities make them laughably easy to break ( .. im not even gonna mention the water temple one bc ... you dont even need to do anything there to break it to make it easier)

they wanted to cater to people wanting old dungeons, but didnt commit to it, making them WORSE dungeons than the titans with the only bonus being they got different designs and a longer build up to it (that often feels more like artificial filler than actually part of it ... like the missing lore tablet at the zoras and the missing part is a few steps away from it at best)

(ALL THE WHILE they DO limit you in SHRINES, you cant climb the walls again, for some reason, you can climb any other sonau structure though, why not that? idk, but dont limit it enough either bc you can break it all in really cheap and unsatisfying ways with ultrahand and time reversal alone- and they CANT limit those bc those abilities are the main ways to solve the 'puzzles'- botws abilities were .. well, limited in what they could do making them much more balanced, but moving sth with ultrahand and then stepping on it and time reversing it can be the boring solution to any 'puzzle', the best and only really good shrines are the ones that take all you shit bc it wactually forces you to be creative BC ITS LIMITING YOU)

(funnily enough a big possible reason why they removed the bombs from botw is bc of the glitches with it ...... like the new stuff isnt even worse and you dont even have to try lol)

people speculated on there being underground exploration due to the first trailer? people are worried about reusing the surface? ok they put the entirety of the surface map into the game again, but dont commit to it being a full thing, its horribly underdeveloped and filled with either nothing or reused filler material, while also neglecting changing anything substantial about the surface, and then the sky isalnds they even reduced and really there isnt anything of substance on there either besides the tutorial (hey, seriously, if one of botws most defining feature is its wide and empty sky why the hell would you decide to use that same map to put in your sky islands idea in), not commiting to one idea but doing all of them badly

ganondorf? well, they sure put him in there, but really what does he do? fuck all, the entire actual game hes jsut marinating in his own miasma juice for no reason, he doesnt have any presecne in the game, all he gets its a few scenes in the "story" that are told through memory cutscenes in a stupidly mega distant past i dont give a fuck about and all he does is go through the most stereotypical villain checklist of both actions and speech, they want ganondorf in there but dont commit to him ACTUALLY being there (listen i love ganondorf but really calamtiy ganon was more interesting than totk ganondorf ok im SORRY they did him so dirty)

they want dragon zelda and link 'losing' his arm be a big epic sacrifice but then .. again, dont commit to it, they tell you its oooh so irreversible and whatever and then at the end just fukcing reverse it, with no build up at all, and NONE of your own input, it just happens, and its not JUST zelda but also links arm, reversing it BOTH even and you dont even need to have all shrines (that are supposedly to cleanse your arm of miasma, i guess thats a non problem if you just stab the source of it to death instead)

they want it to be a sequel but also its own game, not committing to either and leaving us with this weird .... more alternative universe thing, vague references to botw but also acting like it never happened, slight changes, like zeldas hair, to make her seem different when shes exactly the same (you cant imply waifu zelda would ever age and not look like a little doll) and ignoring anything about her character from botw (no im serious, ooh shes nerdy for 3 minutes at the start and one time in a written thing from some servant of da royals in the past and thats it, interest in the shiekah? whos shiekah?- if anything her character is reversed, really having even less agency than in botw, that one decision to dragon is like, it really doesnt matter and not really her decision bc she didnt have a choice and it gets reversed anyway without her even remembering)

even retreading all of botws points (but doing it worse imo), but then attempting to differentiate itself from it by removing a big thing that made it what it is (shiekah) without giving it any or any sensible explanation among more, not committing to either sequel or AU and so doing both incredibly badly

(not quite the point but what i have been questioning for a while ... they way raurus abilities work ... so do all sonau have those? was it just a normal thing to have? could all sonau just glue shit together and jump through ceilings? he never uses anything of that when we see him? why is it just in the shrines at the start and its like .. he just gives it to you ...?? huh??is it part of his arm .. jewelry??)

(anyway, tin foil hat moment but it just feels like either there was a huge internal fight about everything or they neglected it in favor for something else, like say, a movie that earns them billions and is faster and cheaper to make than a game... or just dont care anymore i guess, idk which is worse tbh)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #ganondoodles rants #totk critical #long post #how to these things keep getting so long #i didnt mean to write this long again #and im sure i forgot multiple points #argh

[sideblogfornothing]

I don't think these people understand what censoring Israel feels like. It's like if people started censoring ch1n@ or Am*r1c@ or 1r*l@nd -_- ...do you see what I mean?

Imagine your just existing, than you see a post with 10k notes that has the name of your country censored, like imagine living you life knowing that outside of your country most people seem to hate you so much that they refuse to even write the name of your country.

Israel isn't an evil organization, it isn't a political party, it isn't a couple of cultists in a trenchcoat, committing genocide. It's a fucking county full of normal, human civilian people.

Hating Israelis, sending death threats to young Israeli people, sending r@pe threats, and telling Israeli kids to kill themselves, is bullshit. and you can't use "Zionist" as an excuse. Like imagine if I went up to random German children and called them evil "Nazi's." Like that's wrong! Thats straight up evil to accuse random kids of being apart of a genocidal political party that started in their country like 80 or so years ago. Or even right now, imagine if I accused random Palestine kids of being hamas. Like, משהו לא מסתדר

So, my point makes sense if you don't have an understanding of what a Zionist is. Like most of you. there are two definitions of Zionist, 1. A person who believes that Jews have a right to have a country of their own, because we can't exist in other countries, and everyone hates us no matter what. 2. A person who believes that Jews have a right to the land of Israel specifically.

A lot of Israelis are Zionists, but being a Zionist isn't really a bad thing. It's purely the belief that Jews should have a country.

And if you know any Jewish history at all, you would know that Jews do need a country for themselves. When we live in literally any other country, we aren't allowed to exist. No one wants us, so why be so mad that we have a tiny scrap of land?

Israel is tiny, you could drive from one end to the other within 6 hours. It's much smaller then a single us state. So why are people so content with not even letting us have this small scrap, that was originally half dessert and half swamp?

Palestinians have like 20 country's, we have one tiny sliver of land. Why are we made responsible for them?

Anyway, I know it might be hard to believe, but most Israelis hate the government. No one like them.

This post got a bit off track but eh who cares, people are gonna be mad regardless of how much I sugar coat stuff. People will send death threats even if the only thing on this post is the word Israel.

Anyway, it's Yom hatzmaut today, so fuck all of you. Unless your cool.

#ישראלבלר #jewblr #israel #jewish #israel palestine conflict #ישראבלר #palestine #עם ישראל חי

[lisa972kdlz]

(The French version is below)

I just realized something.

About Dreamtale. Why we're so touched by this AU, and by the twins.

I just understood why Nightmare is so popular, why he touches us, why he touches ME, even though he's NOT my favorite character compared to Dream, Ace or Error.

Because we identify with his problems?

Yes.

Because we sympathize with his backstory?

Certainly.

Because we love drama and tentacles?

... Meh, for sure.

Because Dreamtale brings an extremely interesting symbolic theme about feelings?

Indeed.

Because fandom has developed the story of the two siblings in all its forms, and we've been taken on board without really realizing it by the fan creations - comics, drawings, fan fiction - that we discover as we go along?

Absolutly.

But that doesn't explain the intensity of this emotional involvement. Why did Nightmare inspire me so much, and still do today? Because very often MAIS CHIOTTE DE SES MORTS QU'IL ME SAOULE BORDEL DE SCROGNEUGNEU?! (Untranslatable in English, sorry QwQ)

And then I realised.

"The two siblings"...

Doesn't this story remind you of another?

I don't know why, but I get the impression that NOBODY makes this obvious parallel. At least I've never seen any comparative fanart or people talking about it.

The majority of Dreamtale fans are first and foremost Undertale fans, who went through the Gameplay, Let's play's, etc. before discovering the AU's. The majority have played or watched the game and discovered the Lore. Listened to the OSTs. Enjoyed the characters.

The majority witnessed the magnificent end of the Pacifist Timeline and the ensuing burst of tears.

And who, for God's sake, has never been touched by Asriel's fate? This child who died far too soon, who never meant any harm to anyone, who died because of a bad decision, then was resurrected as a sadistic, soulless being incapable of love?

Don't you think Night looks a lot like him? And that Dream is a cross between Frisk and Chara?

Not in personality, nor necessarily in the story, but in the way they touche the audience through their shared destiny.

Two siblings who love each other dearly are brutally separated by a quarrel in which one loses his life, transformed into a powerful, emotionless demon. The other sleeps for years before waking up, lost and confused... Then they embark on an adventure with a guide, discover the world that has evolved without them, grow up, meet new people, help, save.

And this co-dependent relationship. The demon is still a child at heart. He wants to play with his sibling, even to the point of committing atrocious acts to make them stay with him, even if it means taking their soul and killing them a million times over. But nostalgia takes hold of him again. Deep in his overpowering heart, he feels all the souls of the world bound together, he feels determination of monsters and humans, the love they have for each other. It's all too much for him. He succumbs to his feelings and bursts into tears. He apologizes. The two siblings reconcile.

It's the kind of story we'd all like to give Dream and Nightmare, isn't it?

We want to save Night.

But like Asriel, it's impossible. We all know by now that Corrupted Nightmare isn't Night, don't we? It's a revelation that hits us when we search a bit on the creator's Tumblr after reading the Prologue. The story leaves us no choice: he died five hundred years ago, and that remains unchanging. There is no hope.

He has to go. Become corrupt again. He has to die again. Because that's how it must be.

Yeah yeah, we love Sans in Undertale, he's pretty cool and the Multiverse revolves around him. But as soon as we play the game, it's Asriel we're crying for. For good reason, Dreamtale, the story that most closely resembles his tragedy, is one of the most popular universes. Is that chance? Or have we all unconsciously drawn the parallel?

Now, when I listen Hopes and Dreams, Save the World, His Theme, one part of me thinks of Asriel and Chara, the other part thinks of Dream and Nightmare.

It was to save Asriel that fans started developing parallel universes. And it's to save Night that we're repeating the process.

It would have been a lot cooler to put Dream and Nightmare in Chara and Asriel's bodies, I think.

And the HELL you imagine CORRUPTED NIGHTMARE WITH THE APPEARANCE OF FULL-POWERED ASRIEL ????

Damn, I would have fan-girled instead of foe-girl on him I guess 🤔

Or for those who love big, ugly monsters, in PHOTOSHOP FLOWEY mode!

Delightfully nightmarish, I approve 👌✨!

____________________________________

Je viens de comprendre un truc.

À propos de Dreamtale. Pourquoi on est autant touché par cet AU, et par les jumeaux.

Je viens de comprendre pourquoi Nightmare est aussi populaire, pourquoi il nous touche, pourquoi il ME touche alors que POURTANT, ce n'est pas mon personnage préféré comparé à Dream, Ace ou Error.

Parce qu'on s'identifie à ses problèmes ?

Oui.

Parce qu'on compatie à sa backstory ?

Certainement.

Parce qu'on aime le drama et les tentacules ?

...Meh, à coup sûr.

Parce que Dreamtale apporte une thématique symbolique extrêmement intéressante à propos des sentiments ?

Tout à fait.

Parce que le Fandom a développé l'histoire des deux frères sous toutes les formes et que nous avons été embarqués sans trop s'en rendre compte par les créations des fans, comics, dessins, fanfictions, que nous découvrons au fur et à mesure ?

Absolument.

Mais voilà, tout ça a le bénéfice de me convaincre, mais ça n'explique toujours pas l'intensité de cette implication émotionnelle. Pourquoi Nightmare m'a autant inspirée et m'inspire encore aujourd'hui ? Alors que très souvent MAIS CHIOTTE DE SES MORTS QU'IL ME SÂOULE BORDEL DE SCROGNEUHGNEUH ?!

Et c'est là que j'ai réalisé.

"Les deux frères"...

Cette histoire ne vous en rappelle-t-elle pas une autre ?

Je ne sais pas pourquoi, mais j'ai l'impression que PERSONNE ne fait ce parallèle pourtant évident. En tout cas je n'ai jamais vu de fanart comparatif ou de gens en parler.

La majorité des fans de Dreamtale est avant tout des fans d'Undertale, qui sont passés par le jeu travers le Gameplay, le Let's play, etc. avant de découvrir les AU's. La majorité a joué ou regardé le jeu et découvert le Lore. Écouté les OST. Apprécié les personnages.

La majorité a été témoin de la magnifique fin de la Timeline Pacifiste et de l'éclat de larmes qui en découle.

Et qui, bon sang mais qui, n'a jamais été touché par le destin d'Asriel ? Cet enfant mort bien trop tôt qui n'a jamais voulu de mal à personne, mort à cause d'une mauvaise décision, puis ressuscité en un être sadique et sans âme, incapable d'aimer ?

Vous ne trouvez pas que Night lui ressemble énormément ? Et que Dream serait le mélange de Frisk et de Chara ?

Pas dans la personnalité, ni dans l'histoire forcément, mais dans la manière dont il touche le public par leur destin commun.

Deux frères qui s'aiment énormément sont brutalement séparés par une dispute où l'un perd la vie, transformé en un démon surpuissant et dénué de sentiments. L'autre dort des années durant avant de se réveiller, perdu, confus... Puis il se lance à l'aventure en compagnie d'un guide, découvre le monde qui a évolué sans lui, grandit rencontre de nouvelles personnes, aide, sauve.

Et cette relation co-dépendante. Le démon est encore un enfant au fond de lui. Il veut jouer avec son frère, au point de commettre des actes atroces pour rester avec lui, même s'il doit s'emparer de son âme et le tuer un million de fois. Mais la nostalgie s'empare à nouveau de lui. Il sent au fond de son cœur trop puissant les âmes liées entres elles, il sent leur détermination, l'amour qu'ils ont les uns pour les autres. C'est beaucoup trop pour lui. Il succombe à ses sentiments et éclate en larmes. Il s'excuse. Les deux frères se réconcilient.

Belle histoire qu'on a tous envie de donner à Dream et Nightmare, pas vrai ?

On a envie de sauver Night.

Mais comme Asriel, c'est impossible. Nous savons tous à présent que Nightmare Corrompu n'est pas Night, n'est-ce pas ? C'est une révélation qui nous percute quand on cherche un peu sur le Tumblr de la créatrice après avoir lu le Prologue. L'histoire ne nous laisse aucun choix, il est mort il y a cinq-cents ans et cela reste immuable. Il n'y a aucun espoir.

Il doit s'en aller. Redevenir corrompu. Il doit mourir à nouveau. Parce que c'est comme ça que ça doit se passer.

Oui, on aime Sans dans Undertale, il est vachement cool et le Multivers tourne autour de lui. Mais dès qu'on joue au jeu, c'est pour Asriel qu'on pleure. Pour cause, Dreamtale, l'histoire qui ressemble le plus à sa tragédie, est l'un des univers des plus populaires. Un hasard ? Ou bien avons-nous tous fait inconsciemment le parallèle ?

Maintenant, quand j'écoute Hopes and Dreams, Save the World, His Theme, une part de moi pense à Asriel et Chara, l'autre part pense à Dream et Nightmare.

C'est pour sauver Asriel que les fans ont commencé à développer des univers parallèles. Et c'est pour sauver Night qu'on réitère le processus.

Ça aurait été vachement plus cool de mettre Dream et Nightmare dans des corps de Chara et Asriel je pense.

Et bordel vous imaginez NIGHTMARE CORROMPU AVEC LA FORME D'ASRIEL FULL-POWER ????

Ah bah j'aurais peut-être fan-girlé au lieu de foe-girler pour le coup 🤔

Ou pour ceux qui aiment les gros monstres pas beaux, en mode PHOTOSHOP FLOWEY !

Délicieusement cauchemardesque, j'approuve 👌✨!

#undertale au #undertale #dreamtale #nightmare sans #night sans #asriel #asriel dreemuur #asriel and night #SOMEONE MAKE A NIGHTMARE!ASRIEL FANART PLEASE !!!! #Wait no if I fan-girl on him I will loose my honor... #FUCK OFF MY HONOR DO IT

[papermonkeyism]

Poking at the dinosaur project thingy, this time with some production technicalities point of view.

Here be musings.

I originally thought of the project as a calendar, then a series of calendars that could be collected into an art book once enough art had been made for it, and at some point I thought of just skipping the calendar part and going straight for art books.

I've been going back and forth between those options multiple times over the years, and it's still kinda open. Like on one hand a simple calendar with just thirteen illustrations (twelve months plus cover) is the easiest and cheapest option, though pretty limited (what to do once the year presented in the calendar ends, and you still got unsold leftover stock?), and the other hand art books are big projects requiring lots of work, even more money, but be a lasting and very satisfying thing to have.

Maybe I should take a middle road and make a zine instead?

Maybe.

Though, this is where the shape of the actual project comes in.

I've always planned the project as having a slice of life style format, with little story and more focus in exploring the setting. Kinda just looking in and enjoying the view while you go. But I've noticed that keeping the "narration" as illustrations kinda keeps the immersion at arm's length too. While that is fine and dandy for a calendar where the space for any narrative would be very limited anyway, if I was going to do more with the setting, I kinda need something deeper. Even if the audience is fine just looking at pretty pictures, with ADHD it would be better to have something deeper to help keep me personally invested enough to actually plan, plot and produce the materials needed.

Should I make an actual story, with plot and stuff? Feels kinda unnecessary for a thing focusing on just illustrations, and I don't know if I really "click" with a text heavy picture book format. I kinda feel it would make comic as the best option, though that has its own downsides. I've always wanted to do full colour paintings of the dinosaurs, yet going comic it would have to simplify a lot and make it grayscale just to keep me sane. And, as someone who has done well over 250 pages of a long form comic, that's still a HUGE commitment I don't think I have the resources - mental, physical nor financial - to pull off.

I also kinda feel having a plot story would sort of detract from the "exploring the world" aspect and put more heavy focus on characters, which. Well, it's not *bad* exactly, just not quite what I want.

(Also I am aware the dinosaur clan I have has a kid character, and I don't want to make her the point of view character for the story. I have no interest doing a childrens' book. I mean, I am perfectly fine if kids do eventually end up liking my stuff, but I don't consider them my target audience. My target audience is me, an adult person in their later 30s, and a handful of nerds I consider friends and/or mutuals.)

Another option I've been toying with is kind of a double edged sword.

Those who got the Almost Real speculative evolution zine volume 5 got a bit of a taste of this, as I kinda tried it out there.

So... I've gone to pretty great lengths as a layperson to work in the setting of the project thingy. It's always bothered me when dinosaurs get just dumped into a story with no regards to when and where they actually lived, making for an anachronistic hodgepodge of what's popular forming into a mismatched fantasy setting, usually with throwing humans into the mix. I don't like that. I'm more interested in seeing the actual animals as they were, when they were and where they were, where the focus is in the dinosaurs themselves. Thus the limit to Two Medicine formation (with some of the surrounding areas included too, though still keeping to the same time period).

I do not want humans in my dinosaur stories. Period.

But what if...

So, imagine a research journal. There's a scientist visiting the clan of Singing People the project focuses on, with the mission of studying them, their life and their world. The book or zine or whatever could be a story of the dinosaur clan introducing themselves and their life to this person. An outsider point of view to excuse learning about them by them teaching this POV person how their world works. There could be some interaction and maybe interviews, and of course illustrations because you need to document your subjects after all.

Like, I'm kinda excited about the idea. It would let me get into the details I want to picture without getting too into the heads of the characters to limit the chances of artistic exploration. You gotta document the surroundings your study subjects live in after all! But you'd still get to know the characters because it's the job of the POV person to learn about them. Win win!

It's just that I don't want to put too much attention on this hypothetical scientist. Like I said before I don't want to mix my settings. The dinosaur project thingy's world IS Laramidia in the Campanian period of late Cretaceous, it's not meant to be a scifi setting, nor do I want to have any focus on any time travel.

Wonder if it would be possible to leave the scientist character vague enough to never actually get explained? They're just nameless outsider from undetermined time and place who's interviewing some dinosaurs. Maybe with some peronal opinions or musings but no anecdotes about their own life or themself. And whenever there's interactions between the scientist and any of the Singing People it just gets handwaved away. (Of course the Singing People are curious about them too, but that's not the point of the study so it just doesn't get documented or something?)

I don't know. Could that work?

#shut up paper #dinosaur headworld #the herd #long post #just thinking out loud again

[studentbyday]

❤️‍🩹 small commitments challenge ❤️‍🩹

I overwhelmed myself yet again with too many, too-ambitious side projects, considering where I'm starting from. So now I'm trying out making the smallest possible commitments so that I hopefully stop feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list, getting discouraged, then just giving up. Serious progress is not made with an all-or-nothing mindset. 😤

🧮 minimum commitment for math: 1-2 lessons per day (weekdays)

🎼 minimum commitment for music theory: 1-4 pages per day, 1-2 exercise questions per day (weekdays)

🎹 minimum commitment for piano practice: sight-reading

👩🏻‍💻 minimum commitment for R: 1 page of book per day (weekdays)

⚗️ minimum commitment for ochem: 4h per day (weekdays), try to end each current week by getting started on the next week's material and don't skip on the practice questions (try to read a little, then do relevant practice Qs on what you just read)

🚙 minimum commitment for driving practice: practice every weekday, review theory/try to improve my reaction time (my brother suggested i play valorant 🙈) on weekends after reset routine

Asides from wanting to keep up all the side projects for their own sake, if I want to work up to being able to handle the max courseload when I transfer uni (smth I'm seriously considering...a topic for another post, ig), I have to start by being able to do all the things on this list. For each week that I succeed at this, I'll increase the smaller minimum commitments by just a little bit (to the point where I feel like it's just under "may slightly overwhelm"). I'll be tracking my progress with weekly posts.

(Feel free to drop your small commitments as well, and we can do this challenge together! 💗💪🏻)

#small commitments challenge #studyblr #med studyblr #study challenge #100dop #heyfrithams #heydilli #astudentslifebuoy #studyspo #study motivation #sciblr #mathblr #chemblr #codeblr #progblr #lifeblr #student life #uniblr #becoming that girl #cozy academia #stem academia #academia aesthetic #chaotic academia #100 days of productivity #100 days of studying #100 days of self discipline

[hiding-under-the-willow]

Hermits the 3rd <3

#atlas.art #artists on tumblr #mcyt #hermitcraft #rendog #renthedog #ethoslab #zedaph #cubfan135 #cubfan #vintagebeef #zombiecleo #i've drawn 18 of them in four days. at what point do I call it quits #i feel like at this point i have to commit to the bit and do all of the hermits

[mamawasatesttube]

sometimes im hit by the urge to do a massive overhaul on sotm and rewrite the entire first half of it now that ive read more comics and have more opinions. like i probably won't bc i have other stuff i wanna write but also im like constantly tempted by the idea of completely redoing ch3 bc i want kon & kara bonding augh

#the getting into comics experience is that there's always more comics to read i guess and so naturally one's perspective will keep shifting #BUT ALSO. I WANT....... KON & KARA............ #and also tbh i kinda want to cut back on jason's role bc i kinda just assumed oh well everyone puts him back in the family so ig i will too #like i was just going uhhh if the rest of the bats are there at least in cameo he should be too... #but. with the perspective i currently have. actually i think it's better if he's not. i like it better with drama in that relationship #which of course is not at all even a little bit the point in sotm but i just. hm. cuts him out. adds in kara #generally i wanna lean further into like. kon's kryptonian feelings too. didn't do that bc i hadn't read much that wasn't sb94 #when i started writing it #but now that ive read new krypton. well i have THOUGHTS #maybe i should just commit and do a full sotm rewrite idk idk #much to think about #rimi talks

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[toytulini]

would be cool this yr to do like first aid training maybe?

#toy txt post #hope i can. get an opportunity to do that. not sure when. the horrors and inability to commit to things u see #but i think i should do that #at some point. altho i feel like i will almost certainly have to do CPR training? and like. like it seems like useful knowledge. and like. #i should know it and maybe im the worst person in existence for this but im a bit of a germaphobe and scared of covid and im not taking my #mask off so like. feels like. that is pretty mutually exclusive with CPR unless thereve been advancements im not aware of? #like would i be able to carry around some sort of billows but for human lungs to do that instead of my mouth? idk. this has in fact been #a legitimate hurdle to me wanting to pursue first aid training. sorry. genuinely dont know how to reconcile that and maybe! in a crisis #situation id overcome it to save a person. genuinely do not know. sorry im like a selfish horrible bitch tho and i cant see myself #doing CPR and am icked by the idea of even learning it. i know now they make those things to put on someones mouth but its still like. #that doesnt do anything against respiratory shit...idk. like is it worse to not pursue any of this at all to avoid the ethical quandry of #not wanting to deal with CPR even as a concept bc im a stupid baby squicked out by lip touching? or is it worse to do first aid and learn #like everything except CPR so i could still theoretically help in some cases that arent necessarily CPR. idk. im sure im just a Bad Person #for this and hate to even admit it. i think i should at least try to find a stop the bleed course or smth ig

[moderatetoaboveaverage]

.

#went down a wikipedia rabbithole tonight and learned some chilean history #specifically around project cybersyn #President Salvador Allende #and the 1973 Military coup #and uh #fucking tragic #i think ive existed in a strange(? maybe its actually relatively common idrk) position as an American leftist where like #the crimes of american imperialism feel so innumerable to where at a certain point you stop learning about them on purpose #so like for years ive 'known' that what the USG has done to South America was awful #i 'learned' about honduras and so I just applied that as a template and went 'yeah some awful shit happened and its the CIAs fault' #but uh getting a bit more detailed knowledge about what our government did in chile has made me realize how callous that was #i dont know that ive nessecarily earned my previous attitude of 'cold detached and depressed' given #that not only did I not live through any of it but also that it was done in my benefit #god maybe this is some milquetoast shit #idk #I think being a leftist in the US is having to fight the passivating force of imperialism constantly #like lose sight of it for a second and it just fucking blends back in with the landscape #the internally defensive structure you build in your brain to protect yourself from complete emotional collapse while buying food #will equally be effective in ignoring the role of imperialism in everything else #anyway #I think this is perhaps a good opportunity to learn more about the other crimes the USG has committed in South America #to actually know the names and pronunciation of the deomcratically elected socialist leaders we deposed and what they really wanted to do #to know how their people felt and thought about things rather than imposing my own assumptions onto a reigon I am utterly ignorant of #it is embarrassing now to know the fullness of history I have ignored #Salvador Allendes words really fucking got to me and to think that there are men like him who I cannot even name is really disappointing #im going to stop self flaggellating and see about that reading #just my thoughts #feeling a little blue tonight

[todayisafridaynight]

THE MOLE SONG!!!!!!!!! PLEASE ENJOY I AM SO EXCITED TO TALK (ALWAYS AM BUT!!!!!)

HEY I SAVED OFF ON ANSWERING THIS UNTIL I FINISHED THE MOVIE AND IN THE SHORTEST REVIEW POSSIBLE

THAT WAS DEFINITELY A MOVIE™️

#snap chats #thicker review down here laLKAJLKJ #i dont have words i just have feelings- taking all my rings off just to type thisLAKJVKL #im not doing this cohesively im just. Stream of Cosciousness #RIGHT SO I DIDNT EXPECT TO SEE REIJI GETTING HIS INTESTINES EATEN OUT HIS ASS TEN MINUTES IN. REALLY SET THE TONE #it reminded me of 1000 Ways to Die though..... i remember loving that show growing up #OH BUT ON THAT NOTE I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKED THOSE LIL CUT AWAYS it was cute. esp at the police academy #where all the extra officers were just lil ( ._. ) mates ☠️ #this movie was damn ridiculous bro i loved it- BUT SPEAKING OF FUNNY #PLEAAASSEE PAPILLON'S MORAL COMPASS IS GUIDED BY THE BIT I LOVE THAT LAKVJLAEKJV just like me fr 😭☠️☠️ #crazy motherfucker putting a gun in his mouth TAKING HIS DICK OUT AT THE CLUB??? he's insane your honor. #FLYING A PLANE WITHOUT A LICENSE 'do you have a license to pilot this <:)' motherfucker said ':))))' ☠️☠️ #I Repeat he's so committed to the bit everything he got fuckin butterfly themed THE KNIFE'S A BUTTERFLY KNIFE i respect it.... #oh but on THAT note i actually really liked how reiji picked up on his type of humor. also gutterfly.... shut up that IS funny 😭 #reiji in general though was fun to watch. like he's a freak and coward initially but then watching him just go Balls Deep was nutso #taking papillon's word to heart... Commit To The Bit or whatever... he really ate the fuckin cup.... #AND THE SCENE WHERE HE HAD SEX WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND reiji...... the fuck going on upstairs... you wanna do some self reflection... #nekozawa crashing into the fuckin. police all 🧍‍♂️😭😭☠️☠️ NEKOZAWA IN GENERAL #NO WAIT THE ROBOT LEGS BIT STOP. dramatic-ass sequence just to say I Got Them Overseas :) The End :) #SHUT UP that DID make me laugh idc everything makes me laugh at this point #there's a joke to be made here about tsutsumi never being able to have wings without them breaking but. He Does Get Them Back In This #Metaphorically Speaking. toru went fuckin splat tho SORRY.☠️ #the fuckin dogs. wh. WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY BOUT THE DOGS and here i thought they put drugs /in/ the dogs #cause i know there were cases of drug trafficking that involved putting drugs in dogs but no them bitches just paddlin with em #the charade bit was so silly.... arguing with each other while watching a fight and reiji try to communicate this shit #and then reiji doesnt even have to sneak round anymore cause papillon really said Hey. Drugs Suck. Ok? :) LIKE BASED. COMMON GOAL #IM GONNA RUN OUT OF TAGS I KNOW IT SO LEMME SAY i see there are two more movies.... the third one i only found with jp subs tho... #DEFINITELY WANNA WATCH THE SECOND WHEN I GET TIME BUT I REALLY SHOULD FOCUS ON MY WORK OH NOOO #thank you so much for reccing this movie i swear to god. i'm still recovering. oh my god

[blujayonthewing]

sometimes I think ‘I kinda wanna larp’ but the truth is I think I would still be too embarrassed to be able to actually get fully into it and have fun and what I actually want to do is just, like, go camping in character

#yes I DID spend last night looking at reenactment style bushcrafting tools and videos and getting wistful and daydreamy why do you ask #I just wanna be in the woods in a linen shirt with a sword I think #I have chronic Commitment To The Bit Deficiency is the thing #like I could do it 100% by myself and get 100% into it but as soon as absolutely anyone might witness me it's Over #I think I need a few more years to boil off the last of the self-consciousness in me #like I WANTED to say I could maybe larp with literally just me and my husband but actually even then I can already feel myself #hitting a point where I feel silly and embarrassed and apologetic for having my whole heart in it (like a WEIRDO) and idk how to get past it #god if only I'd been a theater kid. I'd be so much worse in so much more fun and healthy ways #about me

[luxraydyne]

wait, dude, wait. aini was supposed to be cosmic horror??

girl, seriously? i dunnooooo i’m not really feeling it fellas

#i'm some i've read some cosmic horror(/weird fic prob more fitting here) in my time and i do not get those vibes from it at aaaaall #i can believe that cosmic horror is what aini *thought* it was doing. but no. #game doesn't commit nearly enough and its so like. self conscious in terms of 'we gotta make this appeal to more people' to commit #and like in this economy it's just not weird enough tbh #simulation theory as plot point in and of itself does not a cosmic horror/weird fiction make. or like. an interesting one #and when the writing ultimately chickens out with the 'but its okay because even if it's a simulation we all matter and should be content' #which it will #i should be feeling existentially uneasy and instead i'm like 'my god i totally know exactly where this is going' #and it's so needless! you have a scifi concept ripe with fic psychological weird horror potential that went untapped! #why let that just shrivel up in the corner cause sim theory's more big brain?? make a different game then! #i simply do not care about the ''frayer'' or whomstever the player avatar is called today. cause the game don't care either lol #its heart somehow aint in it. which is weird considering how much other good shit was tossed in favour of the new Thing #its pure mechanics. which could work if the game goes all in on mechanical narrative. but the mechanics dont even work #it's not even interested in the interesting meaty bit of the concept it's so completely linear it misses its own point entirely #the mechanics arent integrated with the thematics at all its so clunky which is a shame cause clearly a lot of nitpicking went in #from like the dialogue writers #proofing this thing was a nightmare i would imagine #and like. you can't have a pandemic rocket and stormtrooper horde as the climax of your story and expect me to seriously inspect it #as a proper serious work of cosmic horror i'm too busy rolling my eyes and laughing at it #not saying that something can't have both weird horror and comedy elements to it reasonably speaking #but the horror elements aren't beefy and deeply thought out enough nor is the comedy integrated in such a way to hit that sweet spot #uuuugh theres something in here somewhere but not like. as one game. take one or two elements split them off and develop them #like properly. fully with care and gusto and focus on what the writing actually feels. then you could have a couple of good games #and maybe even a decent cosmic horror product #but this Aint It. weird fiction/cosmic horror is more than a base concept or aesthetic flairs you gotta gets the guts underneath #it will not tag this properly but i will make the walls of tag attached #of increasing and therefore increasingly absurd length. for the bit

[sanchoyo]

so I'm a like, 2/3s done with arc v and I have seen all the series before it and I was wondering like. how many eps all together of ygo that means I've watched...

toei/s0 is 27 eps. the original duel monsters is 224. capsule monsters is 12. GX is 180. 5Ds is 154. zexal is 146. I've also seen all 4 movies if you're counting overall... I've seen 115/148 of arc v. so I Personally Have Seen...858 episodes of yugioh so far. :0

and for fun, the overall episodes, if you want to count s0, capsule monsters, dm, gx, 5ds, zexal, arc v, vrains, sevens, and go rush all together? 1,145 yugioh episodes+ 4 movies. go rush is still airing so. Even More To Watch :-) I also haven't really read ANY of the mangas 100% so...even if I Theorically catch up fast enough to 'run out' of stuff, (which lets be realistic. its ME theres no way I'll catch up that fast) I have ALL the mangas which... god. how many volumes of manga are there...

#this isnt even including the time ive spent on the video games or noncanon stuff like fanworks JKSDHKFJ #yeah. u could say im in a committed relationship. yeah shes a card game series B) #it also made me a bit sad to go to the wiki to check each episode count and see they kept going down. sevens doesnt even have 100 eps? #but also good for future me to be able to get thru them quickish? id like to be caught up with go rush by the end of the year. #but i gotta get thru vrains and sevens and whats left of arc v for me :") #i mean i guess i could skip around in the series but #ive watched them ALL in order up unil this point so it feels WRONG to do that #hhhh #sanchoyorambles #ygo

[dyketubbo]

making posts on here is like trying to navigate a minefield sometimes bc i swear this fandom has given me like upgraded paranoia about being misunderstood/taken in the wrong way bc of my wording. like i already grew up with this fear bc autism and disorganized speech esp w having a speech impediment etc etc but while i get the instinct to try and bite back i feel like sometimes i can never just say personal feelings or mess around without it being made into a Big Deal. like sometimes im not making takes or super indepth analysis im just talking at the air about my own experiences and frustrations yknow. being scrutinized over word choice is fucking scary when you have like 50 fucking things that make it incredibly hard to be able to get your point across in a concise and understandable manner

#still have such intense leftover fears from the qpr drama #people widespread the idea that i was arophobic for so fucking long even after the fact and constantly took what i said in the worst way- #-possible and im not even sure if its stopped yet considering even like in. what was it early june. i had someone say they heard i was- #-arophobic #n like nowadays yeah i see where there were points where i messed up with wording #but other times it was like. definitely Intentional misreading #like somehow claiming i thought the word relationship wasnt connected to friendship and then mocking me (an aro person.) for supposedly #not having friends #or claiming i was calling ppl misogynistic/racist/fatphobic bc i . said i felt weird about kristin being shoved to the side #or ppl who fucking somehow got the idea that i was arguing that qp relationships were inherently platonic #when the whole point was that i felt like people were using qprs as a way to hide that they were just doing romantic shipping #and were putting qprs behind a /p tag or talking abt them as if theyre not much more than 'platonic spouses' #when the entire point . is that they arent strictly platonic. and that was what i was trying to address was that i felt #they werent just headcanons. because theyre committed and intimate relationships with a wide variety of descriptions #based on the individuals in the relatio ship. and making it into a 'two bros who kiss' thing and nothing more was yeah! a bit weird! #like disregarding the discussion of cc boundaries n if ccs should get involved with that esp bc i dont feel comfy talkin abt that point #nymore. the point was just. that i felt like reducing qprs to 'close friends but More' or Just Headcanons was disingenuous #and that in the dsmp fandom for a good fucking while yeah people would slap /p or the qp label onto a relationship that they clearly just- #-shipped so they could pass it as just headcanons and Not Shipping #but instead it got misconstrued into the idea that *i* thought qprs were strictly platonic relationships #slash just another word for best friends. when that was what i was actively Against labeling qprs as #and then i went down as arophobic and had people fucking harass me over it for like a month like #it felt fuckin shitty to be put in a situation where i was (even if indirectly) the center of attention in such a large negative way #with a bunch of full grown adults dismissing my actual concerns and points while widespread vaguing me to a point #where i would have to doublecheck posts even ppl I followed reblogged .bc i had 2 check if the person i agreed with secretly was vaguing me #and i got told i was playing the victim card for saying as a teenager that was stressful for me to go through #like even now i still feel intense anxiety around emduo fans that i dont already know are chill bc that shit ruined me for a good while #i couldnt even enjoy the characters themselves. and i always feel like itll happen again #i know a lotta ppl hold me as som1 good w words but its scary to be held to that standard when ive so many mental problems tht make it hard #mask mews

[bloggirl8842]

Makes me so so sad that my first relationship was bad for me even though nothing explicitly bad happened. I see all these things about first loves or firsts in general and how fun it is but all I felt was obsessive, scared, confused, very rarely good. I only had fun when I was drunk (and he always made sure I was safe when I was drunk ofc) but the rest of it-- and even that-- was so tense and fraught, like trying to make unoiled gears turn

#i HATE that i now associate this w him because that was a friend and now i dont trust him in the slightest and i cant think of him too long #without developing all these unsubstantiated worries. i said i want to be friends again at some point but i really dont know if i can do it #i want to because i miss what was there before but like he as a person is now a trigger for me. its odd because we spoke once since the #breakup and it was good for me at least. it felt good. it felt relieving like having that friend back but if his absence inspires so much #worry (not worry for him but worry about him (who is he really? am i safe around him? is he safe around me? I don't feel safe)) then no. #i need so so so much time to even understand what happened and why it feels so bad and i need an ''after'' to play out to get a real #picture of who anybody involved actually is. #i dont trust him at all even though i want to. what sucks too is i have a great intuition around these things so i know intellectually ther #'s likely nothing that off about him but that he as he currently is is just very bad for me as i currently am. and vice versa. but that fee #like world ending panic if i think about it too much. god i cant wait for september to be over. if he brings up trying to be friends again #(which I hope he won't) I'll have to show him this or some other thing I've written during our time apart so he gets just how much time i #need bc in the moment ill be so relieved to be talking again that ill forget this feeling #we’re working on a show tgt about the devil and in those panic moments that triggers me a bit bc ive had sparse and easy to shut down but #still scary moments where i reflect on very very specific instances and think oh yeah the devil possessed him in that moment. and then im #like girl nooooo it fucking didnt what happened was actually [X] but the fact that my mind even goes there is INSANE #not unprecedented unfortunately. but insane. i was telling my mom some of these things and she was like ‘’that poor kid’’ and i was crying #like ‘’I KNOW he thought he got someone normal and he got ME’’ #its so funny hes sad about the breakup in like a normal way meanwhile im like i dont care about the breakup but i think ive committed some #cardinal sins i think there is evil in the water and i may be exhibiting mild psychotic symptoms that ive been suppressing for many years. #i did really leave bc i was just not into it though #this is all like side effects. honestly issues ive been having for years and years but which were triggered and which id been suppressing #since like may/june #i just was not into it and i wanted to be but i wasnt and i got confused #this’ll be a fun memory that i sort of can’t talk about one day