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rainylana · 11 months

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“Do it for me.”

Eddie Munson x female reader

summary: reader’s past struggles come back to haunt her.

warnings: reader has an eating disorder, talk of anorexia and weight gain/loss, throwing up food, angst, tears galore, panic attack, depression, language. requested by @eu1a i hope i did this justice to what you wanted as of how serious the topic was. thank you for requesting and enjoy reading:)

“Fuck,” You sobbed, hands gripping the toilet as you sat on your knees, rocking back and forth through cries. You sniffled and snotted, choking on cries that echoed through the bathroom, an absolute mess. It was shocking how one little comment send you into hysterics. You thought you’d gotten so much better.

All it took was one comment from your sister about your weight to ruin your whole day, to send you into the bathroom. You tried not to stick your fingers down your throat, but you were so upset you thought you’d throw up anyways.

You’d always struggled with anorexia ever since you were in middle school, but you’d been doing good ever since you’d gotten together with Eddie. He was good for you, kept you positive. He knew about your past struggles, but you knew he had a hard time understanding it. You didn’t blame him, you didn’t understand it all either.

You’d never had a healthy relationship with food, but being with Eddie healed you. He taught you to love yourself, be kind to the body that you were given. Even if you didn’t want to be, you faked it till you made it. Being with him had helped you get to a healthy weight, put on the pounds you needed to keep your immune system up and healthy.

Your dinner was sitting uncomfortably inside your belly, so you stuck your fingers down your throat and threw up your food, gagging as you did so. It didn’t make you feel better, though, and you sobbed as you drooled all over your hand, eyes watering and chest burning as you vomited your stomach contents.

One comment sent you into a spiral, and you didn’t know how bad it was going to be.

•

You were exhausted, and the loud boom of cafeteria chatter didn’t help the pounding headache that you were trying to fight off. Eddie was to your left, arguing with Gareth and Dustin about something regarding to their newest campaign. You’d tried to focus on what they were talking about, but you hadn’t been sleeping very good. Everything seemed foggy, cloudy, hard to see through and felt as if you were underwater.

Your stomach rumbled for something to eat, but you denied it almost every time, making you look pale and sickly. It had been a week since your sister’s comment, and it had been a week of straight hell. Your body was undergoing your own torture, and you were certainly paying the price for it. You felt so guilty, going behind Eddie’s back and doing everything you could to keep him from finding out that you were sick again. He never saw you like it before, not really, only having heard your stories. You didn’t want him to see you week. You were afraid he’d find you disgusting.

“Angel?” Eddie’s voice echoed in your ear, becoming clearer when he grabbed your left hand. “You with us, baby?”

“Angel,”

“Baby,”

Dustin and Mike cackled like chickens as they made fun of their dungeon master. Eddie rolled his eyes, giving them the bird. “Sorry,” He chuckled, laying an arm over your shoulder. “You good? You seem quiet.”

You smiled as best as you could. “Yeah- just..just tired. I stayed up all night studying for our science exam.”

Eddie bopped your nose. “That’s my good girl. Keeping up with those grades, huh? Well, maybe you should ditch the rest of the day and head home for a nap, yeah? Might do you some good.” He kept eye contact with his big brown eyes, making you fall harder in love with him. Made you feel more guilty.

You couldn’t describe your feelings. You knew you weren’t overweight by any means. You were healthy and were you needed to be. You hadn’t even been insecure about your belly that wasn’t as smooth as it had used to be, or the extra meat on your thighs. You worried about eating, what the food would do to you if you got out of control. What would happen if you weren’t pretty anymore? What would happen between you and Eddie?

You didn’t see yourself as ugly, but you feared food would make you hideous. The solution? Simply not eat.

“Yeah, maybe.” You nodded, looking down to your lap.

“Not eating anything?” He noticed your empty space on the table.

“Not hungry.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“You’ve not ate much this week.” He acknowledged, giving you an odd look. “You’re not coming down with something, are you?”

“No, no,” You shook your head. “Just been really tired. Not had much of an appetite.”

He frowned and scooted his bag of pretzels towards you, pointing so you could eat before he turned back to his friends, giving you a kiss on the cheek as he did so.

It took you five minutes before you could eat one.

•

Your gagging sounds filled the bathroom dreadfully, hunched over the toilet as you heaved out everything you had consumed that day, which hadn’t been much. You cried like a baby, guilt eating you alive. You didn’t know what to do. You knew you couldn’t go down this path again. You’d gotten so bad last time. You needed to talk to Eddie. You knew you had to.

The idea terrified you. He’d be disgusted of what you were doing wouldn’t he? He didn’t judge you before, but that was before.

You sobbed as you flushed the toilet and stood on shaking legs, walking to your bedroom to look in your mirror. You lifted up your shirt with trembling hands. You couldn’t even see your reflection from how hard you were sobbing, your heart broken and body wracking with guilt.

Before you knew it, you were calling Eddie.

His tapping on the window came as a relief and terror all at the same time. You pushed open your curtains to reveal his terrified face, and he jumped in as quickly as he could. “Baby, are you okay?” He grabbed your shoulders. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

You’d regretted it, though, now. It had given you a chance to calm down, his drive over there, and you were suddenly wishing you hadn’t called him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” You waved your hands, not looking at him. “I’m okay, now, I was just upset.”

“About what?” He pressed, warm palms on gone shoulders. “What had you so upset, darlin’?”

“Nothing, I’m okay.” You dismissed halfheartedly.

“Baby,” He said firmly. “Tell me what happened! Are you hurt?”

“No, Eddie, I’m fine!” You snapped harshly, making him jump. “I’m fucking fine!”

You obviously weren’t, because your tears had come just as quickly back again, and you covered your face with your hands as you sobbed behind them.

“Y/n,” He tried to reach out to you but you jerked away. “Please, you’re scaring me, what happened?”

“I can’t tell you!” You wailed, making him recoil slightly. “You’ll be so mad at me!”

“Sweetheart,” He softly and carefully wrapped his hands around your shoulders. “Calm down,”

Your breathing got out of control, and you pushed him away to put your hands on your knees. “I can’t,” You choked, gagging on your own breath. “I’m so-”

“Breathe,” He tried not to panic along with you, holding your torso as he brought you to the bed. “Breathe, honey,” He brushed your hair out of your face. “Shh, it’s alright. I’ve got you.”

You sobbed like a lost child, snot dripping down your nose as you hiccuped and choked. “Shh,” He soothed you. “Shh, I’m right here. Don’t rush, just breathe for me, alright? Need you to calm down.”

The panic attack drifted away after a few minutes, the terror washing away with an overwhelming amount of relief that made you sigh dramatically as you looked up to the ceiling. “Oh, god,”

He pushed your hair away from your sweaty face, adjusting your shirt that was falling off your shoulder. “Are you alright?”

You nodded heavily. “Thirsty.” You panted, getting up to shakily walk to your dresser for your water battle. He stood, watching you carefully to make sure you didn’t fall over.

You swallows your drink roughly, throwing down the bottle when you were done. “Oh, fuck, Eddie I’m so sorry.” You said exhaustedly.

“Y/n, honey, it’s okay.” He frowned, coming up to you. “But you’ve gotta talk to me, okay? I’m freaking out here. What happened that got you so upset? Did someone hurt you?”

“No,” You whined. “Stop asking me!”

“Y/n,”

“Eddie,”

“Fine!” He snapped. “Fine, what the fuck ever then!” He growled, stomping with heavy boots over to the beat. “Forget I fuckin’ asked.”

You gritted your teeth and crossed your arms, the familiar guilt swarming over you like buzzing bees. You carefully set down beside him, fidgeting with your fingers. Your eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry.” Your voice cracked.

“I’m just…I’m afraid of what you’ll say. I don’t want you to be angry with me.”

Eddie looked over at you with saddened eyes, reaching out to grab your trembling hand. “Sweetheart, I promise I’m not going to loose it, okay? I just want you to talk to me.”

He watched you sit in silence, big tears rolling down your cheeks as your lip quivered. He wanted to pull you into his arms, but he knew you needed your space.

“I’ve been throwing up my food again.” You let out a whimper, face burning with shame. “It’s just been a couple weeks.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Throwing up…your food? As in when..”

“Yeah, like before.” You rushed, finishing for him. “I know it’s disgusting and I should stop. That’s why I’m telling you.”

Eddie looked to the floor, trying his hardest to figure out what to say. He should’ve seen the signs, should’ve realized you hadn’t been acting right, because you hadn’t, and all the pieces were finally connecting together:

“Two weeks?” He looked back up at you. “What happened?”

“My sister.” You sniffled. “She said that I was getting fat. Well, no, she didn’t say that. She said I was putting on weight, but you- well, you get it.” You stumbled, bringing up a nail to bite.

“Who, lizzie or Micah?” He said quickly.

“Lizzie.”

“That little brat.” He gritted his teeth. “I outta-”

“That’s my sister, Eddie.” You finally looked at him.

“I don’t care who it is.” He stood up, pacing. “Nobody should ever talk that way to anyone. That’s just messed up.”

“It’s not her fault.” You defended. “She’s right. Don’t be mad at her, Eddie.”

Eddie gave you a look. “Are you serious? You’re not gonna sit there and justify what she said to you, especially with…with your health.” He was flustered and red, pacing a whole in the floor as he walked from one end of the room to the other.

“Are you okay?” You asked him, causing him to stop.

“Am I- no, no, baby, are you okay?” He came down to his knees in front of you. “I mean- you know that I don’t know anything about this, so you just gotta be honest with me. I mean..well, are you alright? Don’t you..should you eat something?” He was rambling and he knew it, terrified of saying the wrong thing.

“I’m not hungry.” You blushed.

“How long has it been since you ate?” He regretted the word choice as soon as he said it, especially the way your face turned beat red, but he had to ask.

“This morning.” You answered.

“And did..did you, uh- throw it up?” He said carefully, looking up with big, brown eyes.

You were beginning to feel very small, not able to keep your eyes on him. You started to cry again. You held your belly and sniffled, his hands on your knees.

“Baby, it’s okay,” He tried to sooth you. “I’m not mad. I’m glad you told me. I’m just trying to understand.”

“Yeah.” You said hoarsely. “I’ve not been able to keep anything down.”

“Okay,” He said gently. “Thank you for telling me. Have you been doing anything else?”

“No,” You shook your head. “Just that. I’m scared I’m going to get bad again, it’s just so hard to stop.”

“What’s it feel like?” He tried. “Is it..like addiction? Are you addicted to it or is it something else?”

His slender fingers came up to wipe your tears, soothing your aching anxiety. “I-I..I,”

“Slow,” He stopped you. “Shh, calm down, slow, slow,” He guided you through your breathing.

“I’m too big.” You blubbered, coiling over and grabbing his arms. “I’m too- too, uh, big!”

“No, you’re not, y/n.” He shook his head, holding your shoulders. “You’re healthy. You’re exactly where you need to be.”

“But, what happens when I’m not!” You cried. “You’ll leave me!”

“What?” His eyes crinkled in surprise. “Honey, what, no. No matter what you look like I’m staying. No matter what.” He lifted up to hold your face.

“Sweetheart, you’re healthy and where you need to be.” He squeezed you. “It doesn’t matter if you loose weight or gain it, none of it matters to me, do you understand? All I want is for you to be happy and healthy. I want you to be the healthiest version of yourself that you can be.”

“I can’t do it,” You leaned your forehead against his. “I’m too stupid. I hate myself.”

“Do it for me.” He kissed your nose. “Please, just try to love yourself. Be kind to your body. I will help you in anyway that I can, you’ve just gotta be honest with me.”

You cried and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, burying your face in his neck. He didn’t realize how fast his heart was racing until he felt it vibrate against your own. He took a deep, shaking breath, allowing his own eyes to water.

#lana’s shit post #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #stranger things season four #joseph quinn #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson drabbles #eddie munson angst

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mar3ggiata · 1 month

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professional help, c2. 'The urgency.'

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, eating disorders, depression.

song to listen to when reading this: The Chain, Fleetwood Mac.

abstract: this is Jude, this is a little bit of information about me since you care so much, I don't even know you… anyway yes, I really like being mysterious, what you gonna do about it, punch me in the face? I'm not even real, grow the fuck up. see ya.

Sometimes, she just fucking hated her life. She supposed it was normal like that, it happened to everyone to absolutely fucking despise their lives, no? She wakes at the same hour everyday, does her makeup. Not too much, not too little to show she was sleep deprived and got high last night. Her identity was concealed under eyeliner and blush. She looks like a doll. She likes her makeup, she's quite good at it. She plays with her hairstyles, sometimes a bun, sometimes braids, sometimes loose with a headband, depending on the mood. She walks her dog and cleans his poop. Jinx, a 5 month old Belgian Malinois she adopted when she moved. She found him at a shelter for abused puppies, he was the last one to get adopted. She decided to take him, she planned to move to the countryside soon anyways. Gaining his trust was one of her biggest accomplishments, now the dog had a bit of an attachment issue, but they were working on getting better together. She drives to work with the same 4 playlists playing in her car. Old rock, Frank Ocean, some Italian songs here and there.

She always comes in dressed in dark colours, dark red, dark blue or black. She has 10 male patients and 8 female soldiers. Some of them are combat medics, some snipers. Demolition experts. She works 'till lunch time, eats alone, sometimes skips lunch just to make her body feel something and indulge in disordered eating, then goes outside to smoke and comes back in. After the afternoon sessions, she sometimes has groups together for some group therapy. Then she usually goes home and smokes weed while she cooks her dinner, she acts like she's in MasterChef, puts on music and pours herself a glass of wine 'Quando sei qui con me' she sings to her dog, 'Questa stanza non ha più pareti, ma alberi'. Jinx doesn't even know Italian. Two times a week, she teaches ballet at a local dance school. 13 year old is not old enough to be on point shoes. It's her favourite time of the week though. She gets to finally have control of a situation, she gets some respect. 13 year olds, a fucking nightmare… She gets to tell them what to do and correct their arms, their feet, their posture and they listen! They do, and they like her, they say thank you Alba, see you next week! They learn her choreographies, they follow her lead when she explains a new variation. They even like the songs she chooses for warm up. Mostly Abba.

Alba is not her real name, but they don't know that. A gift from Laswell, when she started working for her. A sparkly new identity, English ID and nice documents that prove she's an English citizen, born in Southampton. She's not. Kept a little bit of Italian in the fake name. She hasn't been in Italy in close to five years. She went on vacation alone in Tuscany once, just to feel her country again for a second. She is not in contact with her family, last message from her sister was three years ago, it went 'I hope you're alive.' Her mother taught her violence. To be in power. To be beautiful and kind. To never ever trust someone who wouldn't give their life for you. Her mother taught her loyalty, respect. She used to never cry as a child. She loved to know stuff, to read about planets. She would kill lizards in the backyard with her little brother, who died young. She saw her first gun at 13. Now, her name is not Alba and it sure isn't Jude. Or Judy, as some patients call her. They know it's a callsign, a code name, everyone has one, especially in the task forces. Hers is Jude. 'Jude looks like an angel, but her words have thorns'. That's what Billy Lunette had to say about her. Billy had been her favourite patient for the whole of 2021. He had PTSD, he had night terrors and was in a mental hospital for schizophrenia symptoms for a while. He wouldn't take his medication, he would smoke, he was a mess. He listened to her though. She was the only one who visited him in the hospital. She showed him he could trust her and he completely lost himself in her. He would call her at 3 in the morning, drop by her office too many times per day, developed a bit of a codependency, but she was able to help him through his pain. He would do research about the treatments, the medicine, cognitive behavioural therapy. Billy was happy now. He was grateful to have had her and she was grateful that Billy had been a great patient. Big challenge. Billy was her biggest accomplishment, and proof of the fact she wasn't completely useless in the army.

She didn't work for the entirety of 2022. She had an accident with one of the patients, classified information. She survived, but man was it hard to live after that day... Spent time with her dog, visited a friend in San Francisco, taught ballet. Price and Laswell felt so guilty they continued to pay her even if she wasn't working. Why she decided to come back she really didn't know. She thinks the truth is she likes helping people, makes her feel good. She likes the crazy stories and that she had a reputation at the base, she was starting to be respected. She craved that. And it really started to bore her, the routine. Until Arash. Seeing Arash so frighted and tense was new, he was a calm and polite gentlemen. She saw an invisible string tying his story and his damned pilgrimage book to the mission she knew had failed in the Middle East. Now, it was a little bit of a stretch. So she did her little research, put her Sherlock hat on, lit a cigarette and started digging.

She had fun, until things really started clocking. He was missing his doctor appointments on purpose on specific dates, to go do what? Call someone? She couldn't steal his phone. Send letters? She tried the post office but found out nothing. The bank really did give her his statements, which was pure luck. He had set his personal security questions as his birthday and his mother's name, which she knew, because he told her. She knew everything about him, even his social security number. Arash really trusted her and she had an incredible memory for unnecessary details. Also, he left his wallet on the couch in her office countless times, it’s not that she looked, it was just there and she remembered. When she saw him stressed and fidgety she knew he was hiding something. She kept a straight face, 'Arash, we can really talk about whatever you want, you know' and he would interrupt her 'You don't understand. The urgency!', he continued to say. She really didn't want to tell Price herself, she would have preferred for Laswell to do it. She took extra time in the morning to get ready that day. She was going in a separate area she knew very little about, and nobody knew who she was. Sometimes people mistook her for someone's wife, or daughter. She chose her outfit accordingly, she wanted to seem professional. She wore a sports bra. There was nothing to look at anyways. She didn't put on lipstick, not even the nude one. She was used to being underestimated, and being looked down at. She was also used to raising her voice and presenting herself as stoic and cold. She knew perfectly how to be violence. She noticed a familiar face once she opened the door of the briefing room. A familiar face mask. The skull guy, she had seen him before. Was he the guy…

She could't get distracted. Her little mission went smoothly. She always knew Price liked her and feared her at the same time, and when it came to his little soldier boys, she really didn't care what they thought. The guy from the day of her accident even spoke to her. Poor thing. She was really amused no one told him about the reason why she didn't want to go home alone. He did really good that night, she remembers him well. He didn't try to speak too much, he sounded gentle. A gentle giant. Unfortunately for him, no one was gonna tell him about that day. When she left the room, she went straight home. She doubted someone would ever contact her again about the situation, they would handle it themselves, and probably very badly. She was driving to her ballet lesson, still thinking they all looked so confused by her words. They were probably gonna do a stupid interrogation, or rather do nothing and wait for the next mission to be a shit show. Imbecilli.

'Alright girls, one more time please!' At least she had her little ballerinas to cheer her up. She had them warm up, she usually did the warm up routine with them. She walked between the four rows of kids at the barre, delivering her corrections. Jennifer usually had stiff hands, and she was tense in her shoulders. Kyla had a beautiful turnout but she often confused her arms positions. The jetes routine, they always forgot that one. 'It's three in front and switch… guys I'm not gonna repeat myself'. She thought she sounded rude sometimes, but 13 year old American girls were a nightmare to work with. Last month, she even had to deal with poor Gemma being bullied in the changing rooms. 'I'm gonna say this just once, three in the front, switch to the back.' she liked demonstrating, felt like she was taking lessons herself. 'Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-da. And we're gonna hold here' she lifted herself on her toes and attached her right pointed foot to her knee. She let go of the barre, holding her balance on one foot. 'Passè.' she said. The girls groaned. 'The more you complain the more I'm gonna make you stay like this girls. We're gonna do one minute.' She went to the side of the room, to play the music 'From the top.'

notes: translation of the song: 'Quando sei qui con me' when you're with me, 'Questa stanza non ha più pareti, ma alberi', this room doesn't have walls no more, it has trees.

notes: Alba means something specific!

translation: imbecilli, means imbeciles.

notes: let me know what you think !! <3

love, mare.

taglist:

@ummmmmwat @ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006

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lively-potter · 3 months

Text

—moon struck ; part three

— genre ; strangers to friends to lovers, kinda grumpy x sunshine, fluff, angst, smut, angst with a happy ending 🥹

— warnings ; body insecurities ( mentioned ), eating disorder ( mentioned ), oc deals with a severe amount of anxiety and panic attacks, violence, smut ( later ), FLUFF, love struck jungkookie 🥹

— find me on Wattpad ; LivelyPotter

— word count ; 1.5k

— intro , part one, part two

— 2024 © LivelyPotter

— taglist ; @ahgasegotarmy116 @jk97bam

***

river's pov ; the next day

I liked having a sense of complete control over my life and the things I did.

It wasn't completely true, but I pretended I did anyway.

Carefully holding the icing bag, I gently squeezed the bag and started moving my wrist in a circular motion to perfectly swirl the rainbow buttercream icing along the outside of the red velvet cupcake, I smiled to myself.

I had complete control when baking and decorating delicious treats – sometimes I messed up the measurements, but that was rare.

Poking my tongue out, a gesture I did to steady myself, I carefully crafted petals along the inside of the rim and soon enough, I had a perfect rainbow-colored flower.

"Oh damn!" a familiar voice exclaimed from behind me, making a squeak leave my lips the moment my brother, Brandon, reached in front of me and snatched the final cupcake from my hand. "These look good, Pixie–Mhm, and taste good too."

Cringing away from the man in front of me, a piece of red cake came out of his mouth and hit my nose. "Ew! Brandon!" I screeched out a laugh and he took my short – pixie-like frame, hence the nickname – and gave me a noogie.

"Dude!" I pushed him away, "Wern't you the one who taught me to chew with my mouth closed?"

Brandon watched me, amusement notching his brow as his cerulean blue eyes – that matched mine and Corey's – glinted in amusement. His big hand, dotted with black oil that he more than likely got from tweaking his motorcycle, ruffled through my hair and grinned wolfishly.

I rolled my eyes and giggled, turning back around to place the baked treats in a glass cake dish.

"Sooo..."

"You going to scold me for running again?" I cut him off, my three-month-old Australian shepherd, Kingston, yipping happily at my feet once I finally leaned down and gave him a pet along with a small dog-friendly baked treat.

"No," Brandon walked to the other side of the counter and braced his hands on the counter, looking down into my eyes. "I'm not going to judge you for it. That's Corey's job." he snickered, a soft smile coming upon his face.

I softened my defensive stance and quirked my lips. "Really?" I laughed along with him before becoming more serious. "It's just...instinct. Plus, he's scary."

"I know right!?" my older brother agrees, taking on his pale hair, "That dude just gives off that 'look at me the wrong way and I'll fuck you up', and I'm not going to lie and say I'm not intimidated by him. The dude's taller than me and that's saying something. A fucking beast, that man is, ya know?"

"Exactly," I snorted – before I met Jungkook, my brothers were the tallest men I'd ever encountered – besides Silas that is. And Jungkook was a good inch maybe even two inches taller than my brothers.

"But he's really nice...and gentle when he speaks." and that face is nice. That body is nice. And oh god, even his voice is like heaven on earth – wait...what was wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking this.

I avoided Brandon's eyes once shuffling was heard at the front door. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and forced a tiny smile.

"I understand you not wanting to get close to him," Brandon ignored the apartment door opening and clenched his jaw. "The man's got baggage...and you're so young to be tied down to all of that."

I jerked back.

Baggage?

What in the dingleberries did he mean?

Moon?

"Moon is not baggage –" I went to argue but I was cut off as an energetic Atlas hollered happily, entering the kitchen.

"Oh hell yes! CUPCAKES!" he squealed like a child, the longer tufts of his dark hair falling into his eyes once he skirted past me.

I threw back and laughed as Brett followed after him – dressed entirely in black but her Gucci golden belt tied the entire outfit together as she threw her arms around me and smirked.

"So tell me what happened last night when that Jungkook picked up Moon!" she said, pulling me from the kitchen. I fought against her playfully as a blush arose on my face at the mention of Jungkook.

Brett would grill me for hours until Mr. Blackbourne or North ordered her to get her butt back home.

Since her accident a year ago; they'd been hesitant to allow her out of their sight, but since I had their full trust, and respect hopefully, the Blackbourne Team trusted me to keep her safe.

Brett's blonde hair smacked me across the forehead as she twirled around and threw her curvy body across my lavender bedspread.

"ATLAS!" she let out a shout at the same time I jumped a foot in the air and slightly glared at her for scaring me. What was with all of these people and scaring the life out of me?

She sent me a 'sorry' look, "Your bitch ass better save me one of those cupcakes or I'll tell Wil to beat your ass the next time you're looking to get fucked!"

"Oh my god." I whimpered into my hands, falling onto the bed.

Yes, this was my life.

***

third pov ; jeon jungkook

"This looks great, man! Thanks!" a man around Jungkook's age exclaimed happily, observing the large tattoo of a dragon with green highlights along the curve of his calf. "This looks sick!"

Jungkook held in a wince as he stood up from his stool and stretched his back. After hours of sitting down, shoulders drawn down, it was a wonder he hadn't developed a crick in his neck.

"I'm glad you're pleased with it." Jungkook couldn't help but chuckle when he was discarding his gloves and washing his hands once his area was sterile once more and ready for another customer.

Working today was a welcome distraction since he had been in a foul mood when he dropped off his baby at the daycare center – hoping to see the woman that had plagued his mind in the best of ways since he saw her angelic face. He was sorely, and furiously mistaken when he realized she wasn't there.

It was only Sang and Kayli there today. No River.

Jungkook rubbed a tattooed hand across his face and let out a sigh as his client left the room and he plopped down on the sofa across the room and stretched his sore muscles.

He wasn't the only one who was severely upset by River's absence, but his little Moon was too. Crying a river — pun intended.

He had hope, since yesterday evening — since they had spoken ( it wasn't enough, in his opinion ), that she would be there.

He hoped she would smile for him today.

Took him forever to calm his baby enough for her to allow Sang to pluck her from his caring, protecting arms.

A smile rose on Jungkook's lips when he eyed the clock on the wall.

But he did get one piece of usable information from River's best friend.

River had been busy getting three dozen cupcakes and other treats completed for a birthday party tomorrow, and later today – at exactly 2 pm, she would visit the library, as she did every Tuesday.

"Hey, Cherry?" Jungkook suddenly called out, jumping to his feet, "Can you reschedule my 2 o'clock appointment to tomorrow?" he asked his secretary, a middle-aged kind women covered in tattoos of all kinds.

She perched her hot pink glasses on the bridge of her nose and nodded, "Sure thing, JK." she said, her long acrylic nails tapping on the keyboard. "I'll just give Malcolm a call."

"Thanks, Cherry," Jungkook said gratefully, twiddling with the multiple rings on his hands as he searched for his car keys.

"I got somewhere to be," he called out, already stalking out the his tattoo shop, TATTERED, "I'll be back later!"

Cherry watched the young dad with a grin on her face and reached for her phone.

She unlocked her phone and dialed a number.

"Erica, that boy's got it bad – I'm just tellin' you, girl. He was blushing a few minutes ago when he told me he'd be back later. It's been like this for months."

On Sunn Vale Court, Erica Lee grinned at her phone as she spoke with her childhood friend. "Let's hope River gets over her fear of being in a relationship," she said with a sigh, looking across the room.

"Stage an intervention," Cherry suggested after a moment of silence. "I just pity the poor boy whenever he comes in every morning sad as a kicked puppy."

Over the next thirty minutes, Erica and Cherry – along with Brett, Atlas, and Gabriel – and most surprisingly, Corey, came up with a plan to help out both parties involved.

author's note ; ✨

if you want to be apart of my taglist, just let me know! As always, thank you so much for reading, and enjoy! I'm grateful for all of you <3

#bts fanfic #jeon jungkook #jungkook x oc #wattpad #dilf jungkook #jeon jungguk #bts jungkook #jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #bangtan #jungkook angst #jungkook au #jungkookie

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goosemixtapes · 7 months

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max's favorite short stories & articles!

to be updated as i read new things! "articles" could be anything from political points to philosophical musings to fascinating stories. obligatory statement that i don't necessarily agree with everything in every one of these stories/articles, but i think about them a lot and want to share :)

short stories

Avi Cantor Has Six Months To Live by Sacha Lamb (@kuttithevangu) (novella) (so says the writing on the bathroom mirror. of gender & judaism & magic and t4t trans guys. cw for suicidal ideation and bullying)

Epistolary by Sascha Lamb ("The [stuffed] frog you are selling on your blog is MINE and he is NOT HAUNTED and his name is MOSHE not BILLY HOPPER.")

Chokechain by Andrew Joseph White (a trans man discovers his parents have replaced him with a robot version of his pretransition self. cw for transphobia and violence)

Sandrine by Alexandra Munck (the tagline for this one is "I dated a sun god in college" but that doesn't do justice to the sheer concept here please read this)

The Traveler Wife by yves. @yvesdot (an astronaut writes to the wife she left back home)

You Wouldn't Have Known About Me by Calvin Gimpelevich (set in a hospital ward where patients are recovering from gender-confirming surgery)

No Flight Without the Shatter by Brooke Bolander (novella) ("After the world’s end, the last young human learns a final lesson from Earth’s remaining animals." cw for climate change/extinction)

And You Shall Know Her By The Trail Of Dead by Brooke Bolander (what if you had to death-match-fight a virtual version of yourself at your meanest made by your boyfriend whose life you're trying to save would that be fucked up or what. cws for guns and violence)

Hell is the Absence of God by Ted Chiang (stories that clock you in the fucking teeth in the religious trauma.)

A Serpent for Each Year by Tamara Jerée (microfiction) ("Our relationship is almost a year old when I ask Nal why she is covered in snakes." cw for animal death)

The Front Line by W.C. Dunlap (microfiction) (cited as one of the world's finest attention-grabber openings. cws for police brutality, racism, and SA)

Welcome to Your Authentic Indian Experience by Rebecca Roanhorse (step into the simulation and gain an authentic experience! cws for anti-Native racism and alcohol)

articles & essays

Lockhart's Lament (on how math is taught in schools. that is, badly. one of the most cathartic essays i've ever read on education)

Against Cop Shit by Jeffrey Moro (on adversarial education)

I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out. by Jennifer Coates (do you have to be out to be a woman? cw for transphobia, homophobia, and eating disorders)

Debunking "Trans Women Are Not Women" Arguments by Julia Serano (comprehensive, well-written, good to have as a reference point)

On Liking Women by Andrea Long Chu (and on the politics of desire)

Turning a Unicorn Into a Bat by Josh and Lolly Weed (on Mormonism, love, and whether a gay man and a straight woman can marry happily. cw for homophobia)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price (musings on motivation from a social psychologist and professor)

How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Peterson (how come everything happens so much?)

White Women Drive Me Crazy by Aisha Mirza (on the harm caused by white women. cw for racism)

Everything You Know About Obesity Is Wrong by Michael Hobbes (should be required reading for everyone at this point. cw for fatphobia and eating disorders)

Becoming Anne Frank by Dara Horn (on the cultural fascination with Anne Frank. cw for antisemitism)

The Ecstasy of Influence by Jonathan Lethem ([on/a] plagiarism)

On the Ethics of Boinking Animal People by Patricia Taxxon (video essay) (ostensibly what the title says, but actually a detailed musing on the essential properties of furry media and the freedom of dehumanization; changed my life a bit)

#max.txt #yayayayayay :)#i've decided i'm going to start doing the 'what i read this month' thing #so this is like #my base to come backt o and update when i find new favorites #readings

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prettybillycore · 2 years

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You’re Gorgeous, Doll || Billy Hargrove x Reader

Pairing(s): Billy Hargrove x Plus Size!Wheeler!Reader; Minor Jonathan Byers x Nancy Wheeler

Universe: Stranger Things

Summary: Billy didn’t understand why you wouldn’t come to visit him at the pool so eventually, you agreed to go after some convincing from Nancy. The problem came from someone who you didn’t expect to be there; your mother. Billy sees her making you feel guilty about your weight, so he does the absolute most to shut down her fat shaming.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 6.0k

Warnings: Fat Shaming, Body Confidence Issues, Possessive!Billy, Major Karen Wheeler Slander, Headcanon that Mrs. Wheeler has disordered eating. Minor Jonathan Slander if you squint.

A/N: the reader is gender neutral (neutral nicknames, outfits, pronouns, etc), the only thing that is not gender neutral is the style of bathing suit they wear later in the story. Mrs. Wheeler also treats the reader similarly to Nancy. I did my best to keep it gender-neutral tho!

Read it on A03 or here on Tumblr below the cut

Billy Hargrove was still learning how to be a good boyfriend. You appreciated all of his efforts to become a better person in general, but he definitely still had a ways to go. He loved you dearly, but he couldn’t always understand your insecurities. He wanted so badly to understand, but he would often become frustrated and not know what to say when you let your insecurities get the best of you. He saw you as one of the most beautiful people in the world and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t understand why you saw yourself as anything less. He would make a ‘tsk’ sound with his tongue and sigh when you would bring up anything about your weight insecurity. It’s not that he didn’t care, it’s that he could not, for the life of him, figure out why you were so sensitive about your weight. You knew the reason though, but you were afraid to tell him.

You were Y/n Wheeler. You were born a year after your older sister Nancy, which also made you one year younger than Billy. Your sister had a few classes with Billy before you all got out for the summer and she did her best to treat him with kindness. She didn’t understand what you saw in him, but she respected your choices. Billy also did his best to be nice to her and (much more reluctantly) Steve and Jonathan. You loved your sister with your whole heart. You two had always been close. You taught Mike how to be a Dungeon Master and you were like the older sister of the whole party at this point. You were not super popular in school, but you had a good group of friends + Billy to keep you company. The only person in your life who you felt like was against you was your mother, Karen Wheeler.

You knew that she was the reason, deep down, for your insecurities about your appearance. Of course, over the years at school people had made comments about your weight, but between Nancy, Steve, and Billy, people your age had pretty much stopped bullying you entirely. None of them, of course, could stop your mother. Billy and Steve had no idea what your mother had been saying to you. Nancy knew, you two had grown up together, but she didn’t know how to stop your mother. She tried to step in, but your mother was never receptive to what she had to say. You appreciated the effort, but your mother’s words were getting to the point that you were starting to really question if you were good enough for Billy.

You would bring up the ladder to your boyfriend and he would just roll his eyes. “If you weren’t good enough for me, Sweetheart, I wouldn’t be dating you, simple. I think you’re the most perfect person in the world, so we’re dating. Don’t overthink it, just run away with me when we graduate, yeah? We’ll get married at a courthouse and buy a little place in California, somewhere on the water. We can bring whoever else wants to come, if it’ll make you happy.”

You would toss him a small smile and do your best to hide the tears that were welling up in your eyes. You would softly plunge your face into his chest when you realized you weren’t going to be able to stop yourself from crying. He would let out a deep sigh and close his eyes in frustration. Even so, he would still hug you back tightly and let you cry it out. His head would be resting on top of yours and his arms would keep you locked in place until he could feel your heart rate calm down. He knew that he had to be missing something. This insecurity ran deep. You had helped in through so many of the insecurities that Neil had caused him. He wondered why you weren’t comfortable enough to tell him who was causing you all this distress. He knew it was still happening, so he suspected someone in your family, but he couldn’t place who. The bullies of your past, Tommy and Jason, left you completely alone now, hell, they wouldn’t even look in your direction. He doubted your sister or little brother were causing you this much anguish, but he couldn’t decipher which of your parents would be saying hurtful things about your appearance to you.

He eventually would pull away from the hug and rest one of his hands on your cheek. “If someone is being mean to you, you’d tell me right?”

You nodded. Your face was flushed and your eyes just looked so heavy. He could feel the defeat in your body and it absolutely broke his heart. “Yeah.”

He stepped back again and sat down on your bed. He would gesture for you to sit on his lap and you would always hesitate. He would gesture again, “You’re not gonna break me, Doll.”

You would give in and straddle his waist, balancing yourself by wrapping your arms around his shoulders and putting your knees firmly on the bed. “I just get nervous that I’m gonna crush you.”

He chuckled. He knows that you’re serious, but he does his best to lighten the weight in your heart. “Sweetheart, I love every part of you. From your lips, to your stomach, to your hands, to your gorgeous, gorgeous thighs.” The palms of his hands were flat against your bear skin. Your shorts rode up when you sat down, leaving your thighs defenseless to his touch. He ran his hands up and down your skin. You leaned your forehead against his to keep yourself steady.

“Billy…” You mumbled. It basically just fell out of your mouth.

You were so close, that you could see the mix of lust, love, and adoration in his eyes. One of his hands stayed on your thigh, the other cupped your face. Your breath hitched. He sucked in a breath and you could basically see his eyes rolling into the back of his head. “You are literally a god(dess). My god(dess).”

He pulled your lips to his and your thoughts started to fuzzy. Your hands started to pull at the hair at the base of his neck. “I love you, Billy.” It was a whisper between kisses.

He smiled into your kiss, though you could tell he was doing his best to hold back a groan. “I love you too, Y/n. You are my home.”

| < ♥️ > |

Billy did everything he could to give you the world and raise your confidence, but something your mom did/said would always ruin it. She would bring you back from the high that Billy gave you and make you feel like you were a little kid again. A little kid who had no say in anything again. She counted her calories the best she could for every meal, and she taught Nancy and you to do the same thing. She never tried to teach Mike; he was a boy and got to eat almost anything he wanted to ‘grow big and strong.’ You and Nancy were forced to follow your mother’s ways in your pre-teen and early teen years. Nancy was doing her best to get away from it, as were. You just had a different genetic makeup, and different medications, and your body just had a different shape than your sister and mother. Nancy never made you feel bad about that. She would offer to do your makeup and would go clothes shopping with you if you needed moral support. She had even gotten Steve and/or Jonathan to join in on it a few times. The first time she started to see good in Billy is when you dragged him shopping with you two. He treated you like royalty the entire time and Nancy was happy that you had a partner who lifted you up; since you still had a mom that carried you down.

Since you started dating Billy, you were getting more confident. It was the little things– wearing one of his shirts to school as a tight crop top with a jacket over it, wearing colors of eye shadow your mother said brought out the roundness of your face, and letting yourself enjoy lunch periods again. Billy had his hand pressed against the small of your back, skin completely exposed by his shirt and his eyes, again full of love and lust at how beautiful he thought you looked. However, not even he could get you to wear a swimsuit. You two hadn’t seen each other stripped that far down yet because you weren’t there yet, and he respected that entirely. He had one problem though; you refused to come to visit him at the pool for longer than a few minutes. Your family was at the Hawkins pool all the time this summer. He saw your little brother and your mother all the time there. Your sister even was there with some of your other friends sometimes. Billy asked Nancy why you didn’t come, in a joking manner, of course. He thought you were just coming in your own car or something. Nancy’s response made him more annoyed and confused though. “They’re not coming. They don’t do pools.”

Every time you stopped by the pool, you were fully clothed and sat with Billy in the office while he was on his lunch breaks. He was completely respectful of the fact that you weren’t ready to have sex, but he was dying to spend more time with you this summer. He was missing you terribly now that he had this job. If you brought all the little shitheads to the pool a few times a week he would be able to spend more time with you; plus he thought you would look so cute in a swimsuit; hair slicked back while playing Marco polo with the party. He wanted to see it so badly, but every time he asked about you bringing the party to the pool for the day, you would just shake your head and change the subject.

One day, when Nancy was there with Jonathan and a few other friends, Billy approached them when it was his turn to head out onto the pool deck. Heather eyed him curiously as she made her way inside, but she didn’t say anything. “Wheeler,” he called.

Nancy quirked her eyebrow at the young lifeguard. Jonathan scooted a little closer to her on their shared beach chair, which didn’t go unnoticed by Billy. Though, he chose to ignore the older Byers brother, whatever he was thinking wasn’t of importance to Billy right now. “What can I do for you, Hargrove?”

“I think you know,” he said with a slick smile. Though it soon faded when Nancy shook her head.

“She’s not gonna come here Billy, not in a suit. Probably not even with a T-shirt over one.”

Billy grumbled and swayed a bit. “Do you know why? I thought their confidence was getting better. I want them to be able to enjoy the one summer activity this shitty town has to offer– plus I’m missing them like hell right now.”

Nancy smiled at him and Jonathan watched the interaction with a puzzled expression. “I will try to convince them to come. Are you working tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m on all afternoon.”

“I can’t guarantee that they will bend, but I will try. I’m in charge of giving the party something to do tomorrow and I told them we were going to come here. They haven’t come much this summer because they’re all kinda nerdy and the indoorsy types. Us older siblings are trying to get them all to go out more,” she said, briefly turning her attention to Jonathan.

“I appreciate it Nanc, really. And like, I don’t want them to feel super pressured. I would just like if they stay for a while, even if they decide they aren’t ready to swim, just be here while I’m trapped here.”

Nancy’s smile grew wider. “I never expected you to be so good for them, Billy, but I am really glad that you are. You help them more than you realize, I think.”

Billy felt his heart soften. “I know that people in this day and age can be really shitty to each other about their looks. I see Y/n for who they are on the inside; a fucking angel really and they have the looks to match. I’ve never been able to figure out who the fuck made them feel so shit for their weight, but if I figure it out, I will kick their ass.”

Nancy could see his jaw lock. He was staring toward the ground as he spoke. She knew it was a lot for him to be genuine with someone other than you. “You really are doing so much more for them than you realize, I’ll talk to them about it tonight.”

“Thank you, Wheeler. Have a good day here at the pool.” He gave Jonathan a bit of a stare down. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something that Billy didn’t like about Jonathan. He did his best to be nice to him for your sake though. “You too, Byers.”

| < ♥️ > |

Nancy was nervous to talk to you, but she thought you might come if she expressed to you what Billy had said. She knew that you sometimes wondered, out of insecurity– not out of reason, if you were good enough for Billy. She knew that you questioned if you were worth Billy Hargrove’s time. She also knew though, that Billy was completely in love with you and she just had to figure out how to make you see that for certain. She knocked on your door after she arrived home from the pool and changed into some dry clothes. “Come in– oh hey Nanc! How was your day?”

She tossed you a smile, but you could sense her nerves as she shut the door. You shut the book you were reading and pulled off your headphones. You had been listening to a mixtape in your walkman and vibing by yourself for the evening. There were way fewer family dinners during the summertime because everyone’s schedules were so different and you both were honestly thankful for that. “I had a great day. You know everything has been so stressful and all; it was nice to just go to the pool and relax. In fact, I’m taking all the kids tomorrow for a pool day. You should join us.” You went to say something, but she put her hand up. “Wait wait wait, before you say no. I wanna tell you what Billy said today when Jonathan and I were out there.”

“Alright?”

“Have you ever told him about mom?”

“About mom?” you asked.

Nancy gave you that look. “You know what I’m talking about.” She sat at the edge of your bed. She was staring at you. It felt like she was trying to stare through your soul.

“The things she says about my body? About food? About my clothes? No, I haven’t. It’s not that I won’t tell him or anything, it’s just that I’m nervous too. He’s receptive to me being insecure about things, but I think it annoys him or makes him anxious when I talk about it too much. Like he sees me a certain way and can’t see why I don’t see myself that way. I know it’s partly because I haven’t told him about mom, but I also just think he wants the change in mindset to happen quicker than I am capable of.”

“He doesn’t want to push you, Y/n, trust me. Neither do I. You don’t have to talk to him about any of that if you aren’t ready. I just–”

“Then what is this about?” Your tone was a little snappy, but Nancy ignored it. She knew it was because you were getting anxious.

“Billy is totally head over heels in love with you, Y/n, just the way you are. I didn’t understand what you saw in him when you first introduced him to the family, but I really think I understand now. He’s still an asshole, but he’s learning and he thinks the world of you. I know your brain sometimes gets in the way of you seeing that, but trust me, as your sister I want what’s best for you, and Billy Hargrove, shockingly, seems to be just that.” You furrowed your eyebrows and she continued to speak. “You remember that bathing suit we bought you last fall when they were all on sale because they were going out of season?”

“Yeah, the teal one with the side cutouts?”

“Yeah, that one! You should come with me and the party to the pool tomorrow and wear it. Before you say no, I promised Billy I would ask you to come. He came up to me today and basically begged me to get you to come to the pool with us. He’s missing you a lot since he started his job. You know everything that happened with the mall; we almost lost the Byers family, we almost lost him, and Steve and Robin! He just wishes he could spend more time with you and I’m sure now that he’s pretty much back to healed his dad is making him work. I think he’s still feeling the effects of that near-death experience, you know? He said that he wished you could enjoy the pool as we do in the summer. He also said he didn’t care if you just decided to wear normal clothes and sat on the deck with me all day. He just wants to see you.”

You felt your heart swell. You weren’t going to cry at that moment, but you could totally see yourself crying later when it was time to head to bed and Nancy was gone. Billy was brash, stern, and easily annoyed, but the fact that he shared how he was feeling with Nancy told you that this meant a lot to him. He genuinely was missing you and wanted to spend a day at the pool so he could see you more. The thought was precious to you. You were incredibly nervous about going to the pool because you knew that there was a chance that your mom was going to show up at some point (as she and the other local moms often just appeared there in the later afternoons), but you pushed that feeling down deep. You did your best to shove it inside the deepest cavity of your chest and lock it in there. “Alright, Nancy. I’ll go with you and the party tomorrow. I’m not sure I’ll wear a suit, but I’ll go to the pool.”

She smiled brightly and threw her arms around you in a tight, lopsided hug. “I’m so glad you’re gonna come with us! Wear whatever you are gonna be most comfortable in, Y/n. I’m sure Billy will just be happy to see you there.”

| < ♥️ > |

You woke up the next more to your stomach being tied in a knot. You knew it was from your nerves, but shit, you didn’t expect it to be as bad as it was. You ended up staying in your room for the most part until the early afternoon so you could give yourself a chance to relax before going to the pool. Nancy didn’t bother you, and shockingly neither did your mother. Nancy only knocked on your door about 30 minutes before you were supposed to leave so she could make sure you knew it was time to get ready.

You pulled yourself from your cocoon of blankets and reached into the darkest part of your closet. You felt the bathing suit material squish in your hand and you almost grimaced. It was crumpled up for almost a year, but it looked perfectly fine when you pulled it out. It was the beautiful shade of teal that you remembered it to be. The cutouts on each side ran from under bust height down to the curve of your hips. They were broken up by bathing suit strings that crossed over the gaps. It was so cute, but you were absolutely terrified.

You took a deep breath before putting it on. It fit you perfectly. You looked in your bathroom mirror and you were honestly surprised by how much you liked the shape on your figure. It made you feel confident in the shape of your different body parts; much like Billy, it made your parts feel like they were meant to make up the whole you. You took another deep breath before deciding to pull an oversized men’s romantics shirt over your head. Billy always seemed to like it on you. It was one of the few shirts that you felt confident in. It was missing the top part of the collar ( you had cut it out a long time ago) so it showed a little more skin than the average T-shirt, but it also was loose around your hips. It looked super cute, in your opinion, with a pair of denim shorts pulled under it. You pulled your favorite pair of shorts on to finish off your bathing suit cover-up look and you checked yourself in the mirror one more time. Your hair was resting a little wildly today, but you decided not to worry about it too much; you were going to the pool after all. The shorts were just barely peaking out from under the bottom hem of the shirt and you felt pretty good about yourself. You weren’t sure if you would have the confidence to take off this overlayer, but you knew that would be okay. You were just excited to surprise visit your boyfriend and spend some time with the collective of younger teens that you inherited from Steve while he was working at Scoops Ahoy.

Nancy and the party were all excited when you came down the stairs. Dustin and Max seemed the most excited out of all of them though. Dustin had become a fan of you because of your amazing DMing skills, but as he got older, he’s just become such a sweetheart. When he started high school you were 100% going to have Billy help you look out for him. Asshats like Jason and Tommy would surely try to target him.

Max and you had a special bond. She told you once, prior to the incident at the mall, that she thought of you as an older sister. You knew her and Billy had issues; you accidentally became a mediator for the siblings pretty soon into your relationship. Things had gotten a lot more stable since Billy returned home from the hospital, between your help and the discovery of monsters, he seemed pretty keen on turning his life around. Max was grateful that you were helping him become a better person. You both knew Neil wouldn’t let him receive the therapy he needed. This was the best you could do for now.

She ran up and gave you a hug. It had been a while since you had seen her. You were both healed from your injuries at this point and you thought she looked fantastic for everything you all had been through. The whole party, even Will and El, seemed to be looking bright today. “Damn, you’re all really excited about the pool, huh?”

Some of them nodded, and some of them shrugged. “I think we’re excited to play pool games with you and Nancy like we did when we were kids.”

Dustin’s comment made you actually kind of want to get into the pool if you were honest with yourself. “Well, we can’t play games here. Everyone pick a car; Jonathan’s or mine and we’ll get going!”

| < ♥️ > |

It was a struggle trying to get everyone into two cars, but you all managed to make it work for the short ride to Hawkins Pool. You were filling up with anxiety as everyone made their way toward either the locker rooms or the pool deck. It was getting close to time. “Well if it isn’t the love of my life.”

Billy approached you from the locker room exit. His expression alerted you that he was excited to see you and also surprised. His eyes trailed up and down your figure before he placed his hands on your hips and leaned in for a kiss. “So Nancy was able to convince you, huh Doll?”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Well, it was actually what you told her yesterday that made me want to come. I miss you too Billy. I never thought I would say this, but fuck I miss school. I can’t wait until we are back and I’m with you for every second I can be.”

His face was plastered with a grin. He placed a deep kiss on your lips; it was so passionate it was almost bruising. His fingers were playing with the bathing suit strings of your suit through the fabric of your shirt. “Doll, I am so glad you are here. Just you being here makes this place a thousand times better. Why don’t you join Nancy, Byers, and the rugrats in the pool and I’ll get you out when I have my lunch break.”

You sighed and thought about it for a moment. You looked over Billy’s shoulder and saw your sister, her boyfriend, and all of the party playing toward the entrance to the pool. They were splashing each other and laughing. It was scary, but you would be in the water most of the time today anyway, you might as well hop in and have some fun since everyone you came with had gotten in. It was pretty blistering out just to sit on the sidelines. You eventually nodded to him and kissed his nose. He blinked in surprise, which he did every time you kissed his nose, and you giggled. You stepped out of his grasp and pulled the romantics' shirt over your head. When your eyes met Billy’s again, he’s flicking his tongue and shaking his head. “What?”

He set his hands on your hips again and pulled you even closer than he had before. “You are so so hot. You’re gorgeous, Doll. I mean it.”

You pulled back enough that you could see his face. You could see it in his expression, Nancy was right; he was completely enamored with you; stretchmarks, cellulite, rolls, and all.

You didn’t understand it. You couldn’t see past all the things your mother had picked on you for, but somehow it went right through for Billy. “When we first met, did you think the same thing?”

Billy’s face became confused. When you first met Billy, it was his first day at Hawkins High. Some of the girls in your grade were laughing at your appearance as you were walking by them in the hall. Billy heard what one of them said as he was walking in the same direction as you. You had heard them too, but you had decided to ignore them. Billy wasn’t sure why, but he was incredibly bothered by the comment. Your eyes briefly met and he could see your sadness even though you didn’t say anything. It wasn’t usually like him, at the time, to protect people he didn’t know. He kept his circle big, but everyone in his circle was at an arm’s length. “Hey!” he barked. The girls all jumped out of their skin and your head snapped to look toward him. He could feel all eyes on him. He realized, in that moment, that you were considered one of the school’s punching bags and he wanted to change that. “Leave them alone. Focus on your fuckin’ selves before you go commenting on other people’s shit.” The words were vile; they came out of his throat with the burn of venom. The girls all shrank and quickly began moving in the other direction. They were whispering about how he was a dick, but he didn’t care. He looked toward you.

Your eyes were alight with fear and wonder. He’ll never forget how you looked that day; flared blue jeans, a metallic shirt– tucked in, combat boots, and men’s flannel hung loosely around your shoulders. Your ears were pierced and you were wearing some kind of all-black necklace. He could tell you were heavier, but he thought you looked adorable nonetheless. Your weight never stopped him from thinking you were just about the cutest person he had ever seen. “Uh… thanks-”

“Billy, Billy Hargrove.”

“Thanks, Billy Hargrove.”

“No problem, Doll. I’ll walk you to class if you’d like. I don’t really give a shit if I’m late to mine.”

You smiled a bit. His heart almost melted entirely on the spot. “That would be nice.”

“Darlin’,” he said, his tone almost scolding. His hands were on your cheeks, “Never question how I feel about you. I have had my eyes on you since that day and nothing anyone says is gonna change that. When I say I think you’re gorgeous, Doll, I really do mean it with everything I’ve got.”

You folded into his chest. Your arms squeezed him tightly around his middle. His hands found their place on the back of your head and on your lower back. He gave you a tight squeeze in return. “I love you so much, Billy. You make me feel so much better about myself and if my opinion matters at all. You are the hottest man I’ve ever seen and I feel incredibly lucky to call you my boyfriend.”

It was all said in a mumble against his chest, but he heard every word. Each one vibrated his skin slightly and honestly, it was the first time he ever felt like happy crying. He pulled air through his nose harshly and smiled down at you as he backed out of the hug. “I love you too, Sweetheart. I have to get to my post before Heather comes for my ass, but we will talk about this later.”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll see you on your lunch break.” He planted one last kiss on your lips before turning away from you.

What neither of you saw coming was what happened next. Billy only made it around the corner before he heard your mother’s stern voice. Every word made him cringe. “Y/n Wheeler! Put that shirt back on. You don’t need to just be in a bathing suit. There’s too much showing. You can swim with that shirt on; it’s old and unbecoming anyways.”

You spun around to face her, your skin was hot and you felt like you were crumbling under her gaze. Her friends were whispering to each other while she was staring at you sternly. Her hands were resting on her hips as she and all of her friends were wearing just bathing suits. Of course, they all had similar figures though. Their figures matched their fatphobic ideals. “Mom please–” Your voice came out smaller than expected. It cracked under the pressure.

“No ‘mom-ing’ me. You can’t just walk around like that. You have too much weight on your bones for that. Where did you even get that suit? It’s hideous.” she paused for a moment. You knew she wanted you to put the shirt back on so the conversation could be over with, but you were completely frozen and mortified. Some of the other patrons at the pool were starting to notice the situation.

“I–”

“Don’t argue now, I am your mother.”

That was the moment Billy snapped. He came flying back around the corner and placed his arm around your middle. He rested it on your hip and basically lodged himself into your side. He wanted you to know that he was right there and he was not going to back down from this situation. He had always been civil with your mother, even through her attempts to flirt with him. This he could not be civil about, he just knew that this is what you had been hiding. Mrs. Wheeler wanted people to like her and if she had known that Billy was in earshot, he doubted that she would have said anything at all out loud. “Suddenly, the self-loathing makes sense,” he started. He was staring down your mother. You were watching his face from beside him. You could see the pain and anger in his expression. “All the time Y/n asks for reassurance, and now I finally understand why. You say shit like that all the time, don’t you Mrs. Wheeler?”

“Billy. I didn’t see you th–”

“No, you didn’t. I was on the way back to my post when I heard you harassing my Y/n. I am not going to let you talk to other guests of the pool like that, especially your own kids. You need to take a big fucking look at yourself, Mrs. Wheeler. How could you put your child down like that? I constantly have to remind Y/n that they are worthy of love and attention, despite their looks of all things, and now I know it’s because of how you treat them. Don’t try to force your kids to look or dress a certain way; you’re not going to get your way, you’re just going to make them less confident in their appearance. I will tell them every day that they are beautiful if it means eventually they will start to believe it. Jonathan does the same sort of thing for Nancy. Fuck, I will spend the rest of my life trying to convince Y/n that they are gorgeous as I see them, but Y/n, Nancy, Jonathan, and I should not be responsible for undoing years of trauma, the trauma that is completely on you, by the way, if you couldn’t tell by the anger in my voice.”

Your mother was completely stunned and so were her friends. Billy Hargrove had put your mom in her place, something no one had ever done for you. You knew that she had to be pissed, but you really didn’t care. Billy just made you feel so loved at that moment that nothing else really mattered to you. “I… I had no idea that–”

“Bullshit,” Billy didn’t let her finish her thought. “All of you, out of my pool. Hawkins Pool is a safe place, and you aren’t allowed to be in it when you talk to your kids like that.”

You looked toward your mom. She looked like she wanted to fire back, but one of her friends placed a hand on her shoulder and told her to give it up. They all liked Billy, they were going to fight with him about being banned from the people. They knew if Karen kept trying she was going to get them banned for life. “I… I don’t– thank you, Billy.”

He kissed your temple though you could tell his attention was still focused on making sure your mother left the pool grounds. “Doll, if she ever says anything like that again, you tell me and we will share plenty more words that she won’t like.”

You smiled up at him. “You really are in love with me, aren’t you?”

He rolled his eyes and grabbed your chin. “Again, Doll, never doubt my feelings for you.”

End :)

Tags: @whoringrove @thatonegirlwhowrites @alexis-m-kruger @mothshabby

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russosafehaven · 1 year

Text

Healing

Pairing: Billy Russo x Fem!Reader

Content: Fluff, Mentions of an ED, Soft!Billy

POV: Second

BR Taglist: @snowkestrel @judig92 @k-marzolf

I write far too much and I hate all my work but it’s fine 👍

They say someone who’s entire life has been filled with trauma that they’ll always expect it. For a while you thought it was bullshit, then you met Billy. When you looked at yourself all you thought was how you didn’t deserve him. You weren’t conventionally attractive like most of the women that caught his eye. However you were the one he chose and it messed with your head.

At some stage you expected him to crack. To slip up this nice act he was putting on. He was Billy Russo after all, New York’s most notorious playboy next to Tony Stark. Yet it never ended, he was nice and showered you in affection.

When you had confronted him about your eating disorder he was confused. Why would anyone do that to themselves? You never expected Billy to understand, he was a marine and after his time ended he loved eating. It made him feel normal after the long desert nights.

As you were working on your novel at your desk, Billy was laying in your bed. He was naked as always and the blankets covered just enough of him to be decent. If your time with Billy taught you anything it’s that you lost your life to your eating disorder. He had been put through hell and still made something of himself. Turning around on your chair you looked at him, smiling at how domestic he looked.

“Billy… I want to try recovery. Properly this time, the whole nine yards. Therapy, whatever. I want to be able to enjoy time with you, I can’t keep living like this. It hurts all the time”

That was all it took for Billy to jump out of the bed. Pouncing over to you and picking you up in his arms. Ever since Curtis explained what your illness did to you he wanted to here those words. He knew he couldn’t push you, Curtis had told him it would only make it worse. So Billy waited for what seemed like forever until you came to him.

“I’ll pay for whatever you need baby. I’ve waited to hear those words for a while now. Don’t want you leaving me anytime soon, still got a world out there to show you”

He kissed you again and then again until you were covered by the warmth of his lips. Billy was still unclothed but in the moment you didn’t care. You just wanted him. His arms wrapped around, holding you tightly against his chest. As you listened to his heart beat you could almost swear it skipped one.

Billy had many challenges thrown at him throughout life, so had you. He came out of it stronger than ever, now he was going to help you.

#billy russo #billy russo imagine #billy russo x reader #ben barnes #the punisher imagine #x reader #billy russo fluff #billy russo angst #billy russo x yn

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isimpfortoomanypeople · 2 years

Text

A match to water- Billy Hargrove x Female Reader

What if you saved Billy on the night the mind slayer attack the starcourt mall? But in return you had to swap your life for his, how would he cope in the days following your death?

Warnings: death, grief, alludes to suicide, funerals, abuse, Neil physically hurting Billy. This fic is heavy so please don’t read if you don’t want to cry, only read it if you’re in an okay mindset, please look after yourself

A/N: this fic is inspired by the lyrics from ‘a match to water’ by pierce the veil. If you’ve been following my ‘so this is it?’ series you know that I have maladaptive daydream disorder and this was a story that was created while I was listening to the song. In this story you were able to heal Billy and Max’s relationship. I’m from the U.K. so I’m sorry if some parts sound overly British. I made myself cry while writing this so I’m sorry if you cry reading this. Apologies for all spelling and grammatical mistakes as I’m super dyslexic, enjoy

I scream out god you vulture Bring her back or take me with her

You screamed out in agonising pain, your clothes felt warm as the blood poured out of the hole in your chest. Your lungs felt heavy as they plummeted you to the dark abyss below.

The corners of your eyes became dark, the outlines of your peripherals starting to fade to black, slowly closing off your point of view.

The monster’s arms lowered you to the ground with a thud, it all felt as if it was in slow motion. As soon as you hit the ground, you felt nothing but a coldness that bit at every nerve in your body, eating them away till you felt a sense of numbness flooding throughout every corner of your body.

You heard a muffled cry from the distance, as death took a hold of your every sense, it was hard to tell if this voice was inches or yards away. The cry sounded horrific, the sound that your mother let out on the announcement of your father’s death

You didn’t even register that you were dying as death felt peaceful, a state of numbness where nothing could hurt you. Euphoric in a sense, it didn’t feel this hollow empty pit of despair and fear that we’re taught to fear till the day of our departure from this earth

You knew you were dying when Billy screamed out “how could you be so stupid! It was supposed to be me, but no you had to play the goddamn hero” he tried to yell but sadness took a hold of his throat making it crack and crumble in despair,

He scooped you close, rocking you back and forth in his arms, not caring that your blood stained the pearly white of his vest. His tears fell on your cheeks as his heart broke into a million of pieces.

Billy once pride himself on being a man who didn’t, in his own words, care about the cows of Hawkins till his eyes caught yours across the room at Tommy’s house party. You were leaning against the wall you and your friend both playing a drinking game to make the party more bearable, instead of beer pong or flip cup you both played a game of “drink whenever Tina says something that makes you want to claw your eyes out”. Safe to say that you were pretty drunk at this point listening as Tina droned on about how she lost another dress size for her playboy bunny costume for Halloween in the following week.

‘Hey, I didn’t know you liked Led Zeppelin” he spoke motioning towards your shirt, he bit his lip and smirked “I thought that you were one of those boring air heads like the whole cheer squad”

You scoffed and sneered at his audacity

“If this is your way at flirting, then you’re going to be single for ever asshole”

You both walked away, your friend giving Billy one of their famous death stares before walking into the kitchen and getting another drink. New drinking game, drink whenever Billy became insufferable.

Billy licked his lips as he watched you walk away, he lift a cigarette to his mouth and took a deep inhale. If he knew you were feisty he would of made a move sooner. Billy liked a challenge and was determined to let him take you out, however long it may take. That’s one thing about him, once he has something in his mind he has to pursue it.

When you next saw Billy he was stood by his camaro, wearing his signature leather jacket with a cigarette clutched between his lips, his eyes narrowing and scanning the whole proximity of the car Park. Growing frustrated he stubbed the cigarette out with his heel, where the hell was this mystery girl?

The corners of his lips curled as he saw your car pull up 5 spots away from his. He watched your every move, his eyes closed in on you. No one else in that moment in time mattered to him, only the stubborn Y/H/C in her red vehicle.

You applied another layer of gloss before stepping out of your car, the autumn air bit coldly at your bare arms. Today definitely wasn’t the day to forget your jacket, you’d never admit it but your mom was right you should of brought a jacket. All you needed to do was walk into school and slowly bask in the heat the building provided, but you were stopped before you could walk any further by probably the biggest asshole in all of Hawkins

“Hello darling” he smirked walking closer to you, his eyes scanned your body, damn you looked good today.

You rolled your eyes mentally preparing yourself to endure this conversation with this jerk.

“What do you want Billy?” You sighed still walking not giving him the satisfaction of looking in his direction.

“Just being friendly princess, is that a crime?”

You let out a sharp exhale, too tired to deal with him.

Suddenly a large gust of bitter fall wind froze your skin causing you to momentarily shiver. you felt something being put over your shoulders, you basked yourself in the warming comfort of the fabric over your bare skin. Then it hit you. This is Billy’s jacket, the once warm fabric felt like a poison burning your flesh, but damn it! It smelt good and for a moment you felt a blush threatening to appear across the apples of your cheeks. Damn you Billy Hargrove!

Your eyes narrowed in confusion at the blonde by your side. Should you be worried that he’s being a decent human being?

“You were cold, you can give it back to me tomorrow. We don’t want you to freeze to death now do we Princess?” He shrugged before running off to the school building, leaving you confused and secretly a little bit smitten but you’d never admit that to yourself.

Pulling the leather jacket further across your body ignoring all the glares you received from the cheer squad who watch the whole encounter unfold, jealous that billy gave you his jacket while they’re still unable to get the guy to look in their direction.

Billy has a hard time showing his emotions, so his way of flirting felt backhanded, it felt like half the time he was being an asshole to you but in reality billy was scared that he was falling for you. Usually he was one for having one night stands or having a fuck buddy arrangement, so unsure what there was about you that made his heart flutter. He claimed to never be the relationship type but now he wanted nothing more than to take you out to a diner for milkshake, all that romantic bullshit he’s seen in Hollywood movies.

Your guard started to slowly chip away around Billy. He started to carry your books to class, offered to drive you back from school. When he wasn’t being this high and mighty arrogant ass, he was actually funny and dare you even say sweet?

“Hey Princess what are you doing Friday?” He smiled leaning against your locker as he handed you back your chemistry book. You raised your eyebrows at him wary of what was to come next.

“Nothing, why?” You question sounding uncertain of what he was asking

“Great I’m taking you out to Benny’s, I’ll pick you up at 8” he gave you a wink and off he went.

“Did he just ask me out on a date?” You asked your friend in disbelief

“Beats me” they replied laughing at Billy’s bizarre behaviour.

That Friday felt like a dream, he surprised you by the way he had the ability to make your cheeks ache from smiling so much, or how he could make you produce these giddy giggles that made you embarrassed as it felt like you were in freshman year again.

When he drove you home you didn’t want the night to end, you wanted to stay this way forever bathing in the oxytocin Billy produced in you. And when he leaned in to kiss you, god you could of melted on the spot.

Fuck! You were falling for Billy Hargrove

And from that point on your relationship grew, he took any opportunity to kiss you at school. He confided in you, he had this sweet side that was only reserved for you.

He snuck into your room one night, he clambered through your window. Your jaw dropped upon seeing him so fragile, tears stained his eyes red, the broken capillaries forming around his eyes stood out. He looked broken, you’ve never seen him like this. Your Billy never cried he resulted to anger and frustration when life became too much, but never did he dare to shed a tear. At this point you believed that he was simply immune to crying.

“Billy what happened?”

He looked at the floor ashamed that you would view him as weak or even worse pity him.

Cupping his chin you tilted his face to look at him. You heart broke to see him like this, you felt so helpless as you couldn’t take his pain away from him.

“Babe, who did this?”

His eyes scanning the room, looking anywhere that wasn’t your face. He felt a sense of shame to admit that it was his own father. The one person that was supposed to love him, but Neil had it out for Billy since the day he was born, ever since he was a kid he felt the sharpness of his father’s fists rather than the comfort of his embrace. When you’ve felt abuse from your own family, you grow accustomed to it and maybe even believe that you deserve it.

“Was it Neil?” He nodded at your words, looking at you finally in the eyes. Tears pricking at your own eyes as you held him close to you. Clutching at his body to bring him even closer to you, you needed him to feel how loved he was. That somehow he could feel how much your heart swelled around him that it could cement the cracks within his own.

You both didn’t speak for the rest of the evening, just holding each other close. He laid with his head resting on your chest as you ran your fingers through his curls.

“I love you” he murmured rubbing small circles on your forearm

“I love you too” you softly smiled kissing the top of his head

“I’m sorry” you croaked as blood poured in your throat making breathing increasingly difficult.

“No, no princess stay with me” he sobbed gently tapping your face as your eyes started to flutter.

“I love you” and with that your whole world faded to black.

Billy let out a blood curdling scream as he felt your body turn cold.

Everyone on the mall floor looked at billy in disbelief, Max’s lips began to tremble as sobs took over her body. Lucas held her close to his chest rocking her back and forth as she wailed into his shoulder.

The mall stood silent, the air felt thick with grief as if all the air was sucked out of everyone’s lungs.

Billy felt a hand on his shoulder, Steve crouched down to his level. The two hated each other’s guts like their hold purpose was to make the other despise their existence. But in this moment they both held the same emotion of loss from your sudden death.

“The ambulances will be here soon, we have to go” Steve whispered as if he raised his voice it would break into the tears he tried to hold back.

“Get the fuck off me Harrington” he barked, his teeth gritted together as he held you even closer to himself, like you were his lifeline keeping him afloat if he dare let go of you he’d drown and would have to finally admit to himself that you were gone.

“Come on, you promise we could get ice cream” you pouted, giving billy your best puppy dog eyes. Batting your eyelashes at his direction.

Billy rolled his eyes at you, “scoops ahoy, the place where Harrington works really?”

“He’s not the monster you’re claiming him to be, please?” Tugging on his arm, trying to direct him into the ice cream parlour

He sighed and pecked his lips on your plump glossed ones. He couldn’t say no to you, especially those puppy dog eyes that could melt his heart in an instant. You truly had him wrapped tightly around your finger.

“Fine, lead the way princess” you smiled at him, lacing your fingers through his as you walked towards the brightly coloured parlour to your left.

“Welcome to scoops ahoy- Y/N hey, how are you…” Steve’s voice trailing away as he looked Billy up and down

“Hargrove”

“Harrington”

You rolled your eyes at this idiotic display of ‘who was the bigger man’, the clash of their egos was nauseating.

“One vanilla and one chocolate” you ordered, tugging on Billy’s arm to stop him from glaring daggers at Steve.

Will your boyfriend and your friend ever get on?

The paramedics had to literally ply Billy’s hands off your body. He walked out of the mall like a zombie, no emotion was registered on his face. His brain blocking off all reality, protecting him momentarily from the intense grief and self hatred that is to follow, that he will have to register that he has lost the love of his life.

——————————————————————————

The days that past Billy stayed in his room, locking himself in his pain and anguish. Refusing to let anyone in both literally and metaphorically. He felt like he was suffocating, he couldn’t breathe as the air felt like it was burning his lungs with every breath. Existing felt excruciating, every movement felt like pure agony. He just laid on his bed staring up at the wall hoping that this would all be over soon.

He clutched your ring tightly in his fists thankful that he was able to slip the metal off your finger before the medics carted your body away

“Get up you idiot”

“ don’t worry princess, I’m not proposing at least not yet anyway. This is a promise that one day I’m going to place a diamond ring on that hand, and we’ll run away to California. Living by the coast just us two, what do you say princess, will you take this promise ring?”

“Yes” you screamed out in happiness, wrapping your arms around his neck. You peppered his face in a million of kisses as pure ecstasy flushed over your body.

He brought your hand to his lips, placing a gentle kiss to your knuckles. Carefully sliding on the metal ring on to your finger.

It was a simple silver ring, but you didn’t care he could of gave you a paper ring and you’d still be as happy

“ I love you”

“I love you more princess”

You kissed him deeply, never wanting to break apart

Max was knocking against the frame, growing increasingly frustrated as her knocks fell upon death ears.

She opened the door slightly and a gasp escaped her lips upon seeing the condition her brother was in. He happened to still be in the same clothes of the dreaded night, his white vest top was drenched in your dried blood. The purple bags that clung to his eyes showed Max that he wasn’t living rather surviving each second that ticked by.

“Go away Max” he muttered, his voice was horse and emotionless.

“The invites for Y/N’s funeral came today” she croaked out, her throat still raw from balling her eyes out moments before.

Billy winced at the mention of your funeral, there was a part of him that deep down wants to believe that you’re not truly gone. But Max’s words brought the weight of reality, you’re gone truly gone.

“I know it hurts-“

“Oh so you know what it’s like to have the only person who you love die in your arms?, you know what it’s like to be in fucking agony with every breath? You don’t know shit Max!” he sneered at Max, his voice raising with every word till he was yelling at her.

Yes it’s wrong for him to take out his frustrations on her, but this hurts, this really fucking hurts him.

Max balled her fists at her side and swallowed down the tears that threatened to spill.

“You aren’t the only one who’s hurting! She was like a sister to me” she yelled back in anger before slamming the door behind her.

“So we’re back to yelling at Max?”

“It hurts Y/N, I can’t cope for much longer” his eyes glazed over as he buried his head in his pillow.

“Yes you can baby” you faintly smiled moving to sit next to him, ghosting your fingers over his hair like you use to do when you were still alive.

“Why did you do this?” He whimpered, allowing another hot stream of tears to fall

“I was selfishly thinking, but I knew that I couldn’t live without you. So when I saw that monster about to lunge towards you, I had to push you out of the way” you looked at him with soft eyes, it broke your heart to see him like this. His eyes was red and painful, still in the clothes of your death, looking like the shell of the man you use to love.

He bitterly scoffed, looking back at your eyes

“Well how do you think I feel? You left me! You fucking left me! It was supposed to be me who died, it should of be me. What am I? A fucking asshole who everyone hates? I have nothing to live for princess. And you? You were achieving straight As, everyone loved you, you had so much to live for. We were going to get married and live in California, you promised…” his voice cracking in pain as he broke down

“People don’t hate you Billy, you’re going to live a great life and you’ll find a girl who you’re going to do the things we couldn’t do”

He shook his head between sobs “I won’t ever find someone else, you were my everything princess”

“Please look after Max, Billy she needs you”

He nodded his head, blonde curls sticking to the dampness of his cheeks.

“I love you princess, I always will”

“I love you more Billy, I always will”

—————————————————————————-

He shouldn’t be here, bile crept up his throat threatening to spill the little contents of his stomach. He wanted to run out of his seat and far away from the church he was in. His blue eyes looking anywhere else but the casket that held a photo of you on top. For if he looked at it he would of broken down and billy being Billy couldn’t do that in public, even though that is what he has been doing for a week straight.

He’s finally out of the blood stained clothes and in a black suit. With Max sat by his side, she looked at her brother and reached out to squeeze his hand, they both needed each other more than ever. He didn’t push her hand away like he usually would of, but instead he held it back and blinked away the tears that stung his eyes.

Looking around he saw a see of black. It felt like practically the whole of Hawkins showed up, he gritted his teeth when he saw some of the cheerleaders at the back of the church who were acting tremendously well with their fake cries. When you were alive they hated your guts, death definitely brings out the fakeness of people. And Hawkins being the most superficial place he’s lived in, it never felt short of fake people.

It made Billy feel better to see that near the front of the church sat people who genuinely cared about you. Across from where he was sat was Steve who was rubbing the back of a very distressed Robin who was crying into her hands.

Both Billy and Steve made eye contact and for the first time in both of their lives the impossible happened, they actually gave each other a sympathetic smile.

——————————————————————————-

“We now have Billy Hargrove, Y/N’s boyfriend to say a few words”

The priest moved away from the from the podium allowing Billy to take his place.

Billy couldn’t stop shaking as he walked towards your coffin. He felt hundreds of eyes glaring at him, all looking at him in pity. He was trying his hardest not to fall to his default setting of rage to hide his true emotions. Telling himself that this is for you and not for them.

“When I first saw Y/N it was at this party, she looked so beautiful. I’ve never met anyone like her, she was wearing this Led Zeppelin shirt and I knew straight away that she was the girl for me” he chuckled reminiscing on the good times you use to share. “ I use to carry her books to class just to have an excuse to talk to her, I took her to Benny’s for our first date. I’ve never met someone who love her desserts more than Y/N, so I took her to every diner in Hawkins just for her to discover where the best place for milkshakes is in Hawkins, she says it’s scoops ahoy but I think that she only said that because Robin and Steve gave her a discount.”

He heard a faint laugh from Robin and Steve as they both wiped the tears that started to fall, billy thickly swallowed down his own.

“We spent a lot of our time going on late night drives just listening to music, she would hate me to say it but she had a great voice. She brought out the best in me, I never loved anyone till I met her, I never thought I could love anyone as much as I loved her. The way her eyes crinkled when she laughed is something I think I’ll miss the most about her. We used to have this agreement that as soon as we graduated, we would move to California and I’d teach her how to surf. I love and I miss you princess, I always will”

Max threw her arms around Billy’s shoulders when he sat back down next to her. He held her close as she cried into his shoulder, for the first time that day he finally let his tears slide.

A/N: I promise that I’ll write a happy Billy fic to make up for the sadness

#stranger things fanfic #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x y/n #stranger things billy #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x reader

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v3nusxsky · 1 year

Note

Greetings! I’ve been loving all your Lady Lesso work and want to request something but romantic. Basically the reader’s ex-girlfriend was abusive and made her develop an eating disorder, however she’s really good at hiding it. Lesso eventually discovers how the reader sometimes starves herself and immediately confronts/comforts the reader saying she loves her no matter what. Thank uuuuuu 🙏

Hello my dear! I’m so glad you have been loving the fics I’ve been loving hearing from all of you :)

Lean on me Darling

*Authors note| this is such a beautiful prompt and I love that you are trusting me with such hard but important topics. It feels me with pride that I can shed light on these topics and raise awareness. Most of the what I write comes from experience but if I don't know I do research to ensure I get everything right*

Trigger warnings ~ Abusive ex, eating disorder (starving/skipping meals)

Prompt~see the ask <3

It was getting bad again. You knew that. Yet you still felt absolutely powerless to stop it. And before you knew one missed meal became two then three. It was a dangerous vicious cycle, unfortunately one that you had been in before. Sometimes you knew a relapse was coming, certain triggers were easily spotted and you could work hard to counteract them. But you couldn't stop this one. So you did what you always do. You buried yourself in your school work, avoiding everything like she had taught you.

Your ex girlfriend knew of your eating issues, and you thought she was helping. After all that's what she said she was doing. You allowed her to take control over your meals when you mentally couldn't cope with it. Little did you know you were being manipulated and abused under the pretence of love. She knew of your poor family relations and that made you an easy target. Only now you had finally escaped her clutches did you see just how toxic she was. Moving to the school for Good and Evil was a fresh start for you and that's what made this relapse ten times worse. The guilt. You were messing up your fresh start all by yourself. And that fact seemed to make you slip further and further into the dark thought space.

You were quite good at masking relapsing by now. You knew the appropriate amount of time to sit at the table pushing the food around the plate before you could get up and leave. You knew the best places to hide food if anyone had given it to you. You knew how to dump any food that was unable to hide. You knew how to disguise the dizziness and the fact weight was falling off you at an alarming rate. You knew if you drank enough that your stomach would remain silent. Filling up on water was something that allowed you to hide your relapse for so long. She had also taught you all of this.

That's how you managed to hide from the great Dean of Evil for so long, in fact it had been months now. You were definitely getting unhealthier as the days trickled by but you couldn't make yourself care. You knew you deserved this, to suffer, to hurt after all what's beauty without pain? Her words would circle through your mind on an unrelenting loop. So much so you had fully conceived yourself that she was right. You needed this. You needed to suffer. Then maybe you'd be beautiful. However your mask slipped the day you passed out in Curses and Death traps.

Lesso had her students sparing in an attempt to strengthen their abilities, your ability was physically and mentally demanding, you knew that but try as you might you were not getting away with not participating. You took deep breaths and attempted to survive the spar but your weak exhausted body couldn't put up with the exhaustion much longer, you passed out cold on the floor. Lady Lesso immediately called the spar off, her student could not kill before graduation and the very thought that she had just witnessed that honestly panicked her slightly. Crouched down by your head, ignoring the sharp pain in her right knee, she noticed your eyelids fluttering indicating life. You were coming back around. Thank the heavens above.

You were always disoriented when this would happen, memory hazy as you attempted to focus. The pain in your shoulder indicating that's where the impact of your fall was. You could've sworn your heart stopped beating when your gaze focused on the Dean. Shit! You scrambled to sit up only to find her hands gripping your shoulder preventing any rapid movements. "Slow down y/n, are you feeling okay?" She murmured to you hoping to keep the attention you received minimal. After the other students worked out you were in fact not dead their interest seemingly dwindled. And you managed to bluff your way through using the sparring as a cover story. She bought it surprisingly, you couldn't help but be impressed that you had fooled the women.

The second time it happened you were not that lucky. No this time it had happened in the halls. You were making your way back to your dorm when it happened again. Your books tumbled from your hands slamming to the floor as you felt consciousness leave you. A blissful blackness enveloped you. Nothing to be seen or heard. Is this what death is like? Well unfortunately you weren't as lucky to find out. Consciousness began to flood throughout you once more, a disappointment lingering through your heart. Once again you were met with the worried irises of the Dean. Her hand slowly stroking at your clothed shoulder in a comforting repetitive moment.

You flinched away as though you were burned. You knew damn well that she would feel just how poignant they were. And by the look in her eyes you could tell, you were caught. And that is how you ended up in her office for a "discussion" about your adjustment to the school. At first you tried to deny everything, after all that's what she taught you. Say nothing. Hide it or they will stop you from becoming truly beautiful. To be worthy of love. But you could tell the Dean was seeing through your lies and becoming rather frustrated with the fact. That's what made you break.

You stood in her office, sobs wrecking through your weak body as you shook and eased yourself to the ground. Breaths coming out irregularly as your eyes were blurry due to the tears. You were curling up into yourself hugging your knees to your chest as you attempted to self soothe by rocking yourself gently. In that moment, Lesso was sure she'd never seen someone look so small and so broken. It shattered her heart. Which is why she found herself once again knelt in front of you despite the pain in her knee. "Little one?" She hummed out putting effort into making her tone seem more light and comforting than normal. When you moved your head up she was met with your tear soaked eyes. She had choose to keep her hands in your direct vision not knowing how you would respond to touch in this state.

It was then that you spilled everything. All the pain and hurt from the past. Every single thing she had done and said to you. It felt like a heavy weight being lifted off your chest. And she listened attentively to everything you disclosed, that automatically made telling her that much easier. You even told of her of the current relapse. When it started. What you do. What you feel and think. Just everything. And you could see you had shocked the Dean. She immediately put two and two together though as you knew she would.

"So that spar with Hester was this?" She questioned almost knowingly. When you nodded you heard her slight chuckle. "I did wonder, Y/n your more than capable of neutralising her gift. Why didn't you come to me little one? I could've tried to help" she mumbled picking up the courage to tilt your chin upwards with a slender finger. "Promise me, from now on to come to me, you're not broken my dove we will fix those beautiful wings of yours and you'll flourish" her tone of voice conveyed just how much faith she had in you and that honestly made your heart swell. "Now my little dove we are going to get you something to eat okay?" You eyes held the fear you were feeling which instantly had her adding "I will stay with you the whole time and even eat so you aren't eating alone little one, how does that sound?" You nodded knowing eating with someone always made you feel less self conscious about what's on your plate. Maybe just maybe you could be beautiful without this. As if she read your thoughts Lesso took you by the hand and helped you up before catching your gaze and murmuring " you're beautiful dove no matter what or how much your eating beauty radiates from within."

Word count~ 1512

*Authors note~ so most of this is personal experience for me, I was diagnosed at 8 years old, after blacking out on a climbing frame and breaking both bones in my arm and even twisting them over eachother. I still relapse every now and then but I do have my tools and support system. So if this is something you struggle with please reach out to someone you trust. And remember that beauty truly is a concept and exterior beauty is different to the beauty of a kind soul*

#fanfic #lady lesso #sfgae #leonora lesso #lady lesso x reader #lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #anon request #thanks anon!#anon reply #anons welcome

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enbyleighlines · 9 months

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TW for mentions of disordered eating

I imagine that Soren has a rather complicated relationship with food. I mean,

He nearly starved to death as a child, after eating all the food in the old mage’s house.

While living in the streets, it’s likely that Soren had to scrounge for scraps, meaning that he really could not afford to be picky.

His first memory with Ike involved Ike giving him a sandwich, which was also the first time Soren can recall anyone showing him any kindness.

Oscar mentions in his support with Ike that Soren “doesn’t like anything” in regards to food, and

In Engage, Soren mentions that there’s no particular food he likes, nor any particular food he dislikes, and also that it’s unwise to be picky during a war.

All of this suggests, to me, that Soren’s relationship to the food is (at least on the surface) very utilitarian. He refuses to be picky, and while he will eat anything, he does not exhibit any sense of enjoyment while eating (at least, not that Oscar can see). To him, food serves the singular function of keeping him alive.

Yet I cannot help but wonder if there is something more than that.

This is all conjecture, but I think it would be fitting if Soren actually enjoyed food quite a lot, nearly enough to compete with his foodie boyfriend. Only, Soren has some hang-up’s in regard to expressing this.

I imagine that, once he first got access to regular meals, it took him a while to get out of the habits he learned while he lived on the streets. For example, not eating food as quickly as physically possible.

He probably had to be taught to slow down, to not eat too much in one sitting.

So it’s my headcanon that, while Soren does enjoy eating nearly as much as Ike, he is also hyper-conscious of the way he eats. He might force himself to eat slowly, to take small portions, for fear of being seen as too greedy. And so eating in front of others can be stressful, because he’s so focused on what others might perceive.

Which would explain why Oscar thinks that Soren doesn’t actually enjoy eating.

But, to end on a fluffier note, I like to think that, when it’s just Soren and Ike eating together, Soren feels comfortable enough not to worry about how fast or how much he eats. After all, Soren really can’t compare to Ike, whose stomach might as well be a bottomless pit.

Additionally, Ike probably catches on that Soren eats more when it’s just the two of them, so when he notices Soren taking small portions, he makes sure to take extra for himself, and subtly sneak bits of food onto Soren’s plate when he thinks no one is looking. Of course, Ike really isn’t all that subtle, so people do notice. And Soren notices them noticing.

It’s a little embarrassing, maybe. Soren’s really not a fan of PDA. But he can’t find it in his heart to complain.

Every time Ike shares his food with Soren, Soren is reminded of their first meeting, of the kind-hearted boy who saved him from the brink of death and, more importantly, who treated him like a person.

#soren #ikesoren #tellius #headcanons #tellius meta

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ideas-of-immortality · 2 years

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Rise!Turtles Neurodivergent HCs

Because I have ADHD-combined and am Autisyic and desperate to imprint myself on these 4 bozos.

Leo

ADHD-Combined

He suffers from major Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, like seriously his brothers accidentally caused him to spiral down in a depressive cycle once by accident because they commented that his fighting was slower than usual (concerned). Has been known to dissociate when overly stressed, and hide in his shell as a result. His brothers worry non-stop when this happens so he usually grins and bears it and hides his problems.

He actively tries to hide the fact that he stims, not because he’s ashamed, god forbid he risk Mikey thinking being ADHD is bad, but no he still internalizes a lot of things and sometimes his stimming (Echolalia, and Tacticle) irritates Donnie so he wants to avoid being a nuisance

Straight up the first sibling to actually recognize he has ADHD, Raph and Mikey literally had to have Donnie sit them down and explain what the fuck was going on.

He also suffers from General Anxiety Disorder

He’s a perfectionist, almost more than Donnie, and his hyperfixations tend to lean more towards the “whoops forgot to eat, sleep and do basic hygiene for 7 straight days hhhahaha help me”, usually Raph or Donnie have to actively remind him or intervene if they think he’s deep diving.

Has nervous Dermatilomania and will pick at his markings, albeit it’s lessened greatly as he’s gotten older. But sometimes he relapses. Raph has taken to shoving various chewables into his mouth if he notices the actions happening.

The only brother who actually has any sort of medication. Purely because he pestered Donnie until Donnie engineers Aderall that works on Mutant Turtles.

Raphael

ADHD-Inattentive/Distractible type

He can show signs of hyperactivity but that’s more him mimicking Mikey and Leo due to some form of Echopraxia, than he himself being hyper.

He stims through fighting, but surprisingly oral stims like chewlery are a big success with him.

He suffers from Separation Anxiety and has major Autophobia. However he’s actively working on making it better to prevent Savage!Raph from hurting his brothers.

Donnie and Leo both suspect that he may have some form of emotional disregulation, hence the Savage!Raph, however neither particularly want to bring it up.

Was the second brother to get diagnosed, but the first one to realize something was up. As the oldest tho he tends to keep stuff to himself about his diagnosis and usually the job falls on Leo to help Mikey with whatever ADHD related difficulties he suffers from.

He also has Dyspraxia, and gets insecure whenever his brothers point out his clumsiness. Splinter’s training did wonders for helping his balance and hand-eye even if he still struggles.

Mikey

ADHD-Impulsive/Hyperactive

In spite of his brother’s jokes about him being airheaded he actually has almost no issues with concentrating, his hyperactivity is what actually causes most of the problems. Needing to get up and move constantly.

Chronic Knee Shaker, Lip Smacker, Tongue Popper, drives Donnie and Leo up a wall (they both have misophonia even if Leo refuses to admit it)

The last of the four brothers to be diagnosed with ADHD. As a result he has had the most support and in general doesn’t consider his diagnosis a problem, though he does get twitchy and will go to Leo to help “Make the Jumps Go Away” through ironically meditation.

Incredibly empathetic. Will cry at the first sign he’s caused his brothers to be genuinely upset or distressed. However that also means he can tell when Raph or Leo are having a Bad Brain Day, and goes out of his way to make them feel better.

This Boy Has Dyslexia and Leo was the one who taught him how to read. Donnie didn’t have the patience (but he did provide leo with all the materials to do so). As a result it’s almost always tradition on his birthday that Leo reads to him whatever books and material he asks. (Secretly leo looks forward to these days because it’s an excuse for endless tactile stimming and free cuddle piles yay!)

Donnie

Autistic, was the second brother overall to get a diagnosis. Solely because he diagnosed leo first because leo kept asking him questions and he spent 3 whole weeks fixating on medical journals and psychological research. During which he realized his own diagnosis

Has major Misophonia, and is touch averse (he makes exceptions a lot because he actively knows his brothers thrive on physical contact)

Stims via various brain games like rubix and whatever phone game is popular.

Genuinely tries to understand other people, but struggles with low empathy (“How the hell am I supposed to PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE IM NOT LEO?”), however he makes up for it through physical acts and verbal confirmation that he cares.

His brothers drive him up a wall, but he goes out of his way to find accommodations in their daily lives to make everyone happy, hence why the turtle tank and garage are soundproofed and why all his stuff need vocal recognition.

Has OCD, and once set up an elaborate series to traps to catch who was taking his stuff. It was Splinter and the bros made sure Donnie never lived that down. However he has an incredibly complex system and before he learned how to regulate was known to have meltdowns when people moved things or clearly tampered with his experiments.

Will go fully non communicative if his limits are pushed. Usually it’s only non verbal, so his bros know basic sign, but if he’s completely shut them out they have several different contingency plans (courtesy of Donnie thinking ahead thank you very much) on how to cope.

Resents becoming the family therapist. “IM NOT THAT KIND OF DOCTOR MIKEY!” But does acknowledge that no one else is qualified to be so.

Anyways no one has to agree with these but I’d appreciate any arguments be kept off. These are all very personal experience related HCs lol.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #rottmnt mikey

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50cal-fullauto-astarion · 9 months

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König HCs

Because why not lads. These are some of my personal ones regarding the lore I’ve put together for him. TW: untreated mental illness, childhood neglect, burn injuries, surgical trauma. Uh, some other shit, too, probably. Idfk reader beweader you’re in for a sceader.

Bro has BPD. It covers a lot of the beloved fanon interpretation of him being clingy and hot/cold and scared of being left. He’s got Fear Of Abandonment Syndrome, and he’s like 10% more likely to make a fucky wucky on himself and end up sleeping in the forever box.

Source: I have it and my baby girl only gets the best of the worst from me.

H a t e s d o c t o r s. And hospitals, and surgical procedures, and anything of the like. He’s probably already got more health issues than a blue blood racehorse just from his sheer size alone - prone to heart issues and musculoskeletal strain - but there’s no way on god’s green earth that he hasn’t been through a handful of major procedures because he’s diagnosed with human knife block and bullet sponge disorders respectively.

Sub-point A: born with a cleft palette and lip. Palette was corrected, has a turned second incisor as a result. Lip was botched. Pulled a pot of boiling sugar off a stove and burnt a big-ass portion of his face, neck, chest, and stomach. Multiple painful reconstructive and corrective surgeries to deal with keloid scarring.

Sub-point B: psychology might help OTHER people, but HE is built DIFFERENT. He’s not crazy, you see, and if you suggest otherwise you’ll suddenly develop a case of Backpfeifengesicht and he’ll provide the violence. DBT? That’s Dick and Ball Torture, babey.

Despite this, he lies through his teeth at psych evals. He knows the “right” answers, and he is not going to get his livelihood taken away from him, even if it’s not exactly what he wanted. If he’s answering for his own actions, he can swerve and intuit what thing will calm things down the most and get him the smallest punishment.

Developed most of his wheedling skills as a kid, parents were neglectful as shit. Mostly disregarded him during his upbringing. Youngest of three, an eldest sister and a brother. Not in contact with any of them.

He’s 34. I don’t know if I’ve accepted him being a Colonel into my heart as my lord and savior, I’m still figuring that one out until there’s more concrete canon material besides a loading screen.

Grew up in a hoarder house of apathy, alcoholism, and depression and it was DISGUSTING. Black mold, water damage, trash everywhere, travel lanes carved through the most useless fucking junk. His parents bred Doberman dogs to sell as guard/security dogs, and some lived in the house, adding to the filth and destruction. He can’t stand a dirty house, and as an adult has an insane cleaning routine. Often stress cleans. You could eat off his bathroom floors.

He Does Not Like Dogs. Period. He especially hates Dobermans. He doesn’t like dog breeders worth a fuck either, good or bad.

Did not have any sort of media or anything as a kid. Parents didn’t spend money on tech or pop culture stuff, they were kind of stuck 30 years behind everyone else. His parents were older when he was born, he was very unplanned and not particularly warmly welcomed. Kept himself entertained out in the boonies, did a lot of reading, learned to juggle, learned to juggle knives. Had a big brokedown half-draft horse to take the kennel dogs on longer walks in the country, horsebacked a lot.

Soon as he was in the army, away from his family home, and living on his own, he got his first cell phone and computer and pretty much started living on the internet. He’s self taught in a couple of programming languages, very tech literate, halfway kind of lives on Reddit (narrowly swerved getting redpilled, thank fuck) on his personal time, and built his own PC set up. Built one for Horangi, too, and gives Stiletto advice on her own build when she asks for it.

H E H A T E S K L A U S

Bc I said so, everyone I love hates Klaus. All my homies fuckin hate Klaus.

König was raised secular Jewish, really doesn’t know all that much about it and didn’t get a bris or bar mitzvah, it’s just like Yeah That’s What I Put On Papers to him. Klaus is always getting in his shit about Austria and WW2. König’s grandparents made it out of the camps and went on to become: a microbiologist, a professor at the Austrian University of Veterinary Medicine, a multi term mayor of a small village/candy maker, and a beloved homemaker. The brilliance of the family seemed to leech out with each passing generation, and König sees himself as the dead end of it all.

König has rocked Klaus’s shit about the shitty jokes before and will do it again.

Favorite rugby club is South Africa, and he has an intense crush on Faf de Klerk even though he’s been traded to Japan. He’s kind of hot for all scrum halves tho lbr here.

Lunch break is over and this is ridiculous, will probably do more later.

#könig #konig #konig call of duty #könig mw2 #call of duty #mw2 #konig cod #idk I just slap tags around and go hehe #my head canons

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mar3ggiata · 1 month

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professional help, c2. preview

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, eating disorders, depression.

song to listen to when reading this: *The Chain*, Fleetwood Mac.

She was used to raising her voice and presenting herself as stoic and cold. She knew perfectly how to be violence. She noticed a familiar face once she opened the door of the briefing room. A familiar face mask. The skull guy, she had seen him before. Was he the guy… She could't get distracted. Her little mission went smoothly. She always knew Price liked her and feared her at the same time, and when it came to his little soldier boys, she really didn't care what they thought about her. The guy from the day of her accident even spoke to her. Poor thing. She was really amused no one told him about the reason why she didn't want to go home alone. He did really good that night, she remembers him well. He didn't try to speak too much, he sounded gentle. A gentle giant. Unfortunately for him, no one was gonna tell him about that day. When she left the room, she went straight home. She doubted someone would ever contact her again about the situation, they would handle it themselves, and probably very badly.

notes: full thing on sunday!! let me know what you think <3

love, mare.

taglist:

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi

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nerdygaymormon · 7 months

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Meeting with the Renlunds

I met with Elder Kevin Hamilton and he offered to walk me over to Elder Renlund's office for my next appointment as it would help me get through security more easily.

Elder Hamilton greeted the secretary and explained he found me wandering around and helped me find where I was going.😄 Then he said that we became friends when he did a stake conference in Florida and I have a standing invitation to visit every time I'm in Utah.

At that moment, Elder Renlund steps out of his office door and proclaims, "I trump that invitation. He gets to see ME when he's in town." 😁

It was a humorous way to be handed off from the one to the other.

—————————

Elder Renlund asked if I was in town for that conference in Provo (the Gather Conference)? Y'all, I was impressed that he knew about it! Great credit to the conference organizers!

—————————

I reminded the Renlunds that the last time I visited, they gave me a book they co-wrote. When I saw it was about the Melchizedek Priesthood, I was like "Go Ruth!" There's no reason a woman shouldn't write about the priesthood.

This time I brought them a gift, a copy of a book which contains a chapter I wrote.

Me: I'm a little nervous giving it to you because I wrote it from my viewpoint. I was very honest and that means not everything matches the Church's view. Some things about church are hard for me.

Dale: We will read this.

Me: Now I'm even more nervous!

Ruth: Don't be nervous. You shouldn't be nervous about telling the truth.

Dale: They're your thoughts and perspectives.

Ruth: Others have done the same, why not you?

Whew, I felt much better after that exchange.

I also shared that writing my chapter led me to realize I may have an eating disorder, and how that led to an official diagnosis and now I'm in therapy. I'm on a journey to better mental and physical health. They were genuinely interested in this development and kind in their support.

—————————

Elder Renlund mentioned that when he presides over a meeting and opens things up for questions, it's not unusual for LGBTQ topics to come up. As we spoke, the Pride flag got mentioned.

I shared a conversation I had with my friend who recently retired from a 20-year career with the U.S. military. My friend doesn't wear a US flag pin at church. He is there for religion, not patriotism. Anyone who wants to know if he is patriotic should look at his life. Plus, America does some things that aren't compatible with what Jesus taught. My friend wants to keep the two separate.

When it comes to the Pride flag, I feel a little different. No one questions whether Americans are welcome at church. We don't have a history of harsh teachings against Americans. We need to be intentional in signaling that we welcome LGBTQ+ people.

The Pride flag represents queer people and it goes where they go, which means it is there when people fight for Civil Rights or run their business, and however they live their life. This causes some to see the flag as representing things they don't like because some queer people make choices they don't agree with. I think when the average member displays the Pride flag, they are indicating that queer people are welcome and wanted, that they are a safe person to talk with. But for a leader, some will see his wearing the flag as endorsing all the things people associate with it.

Elder Renlund responded that it's like Black Lives Matter. Of course Black lives matter, but the political movement that grew up around that phrase can be seen by some as controversial, so if a leader displays a Black Lives Matter flag people may question or assume he supports all of it.

He went on to say that he appreciates my friend's position because when they lived in South Africa, a friend of his said, "We South Africans don't like Americans telling us what to do." What registered with Elder Renlund is if what his friend sees is an American, then he needs to change so what his friend sees is a disciple of Christ.

—————————

Elder Renlund asked what else is going on in my life and I shared that I'm now on the Affirmation Board of Directors. It's interesting because I don't seek to do things in the LDS/LGBTQ space, but the Lord provides opportunities and I accept them.

His response was, "You can help others and that's what I think God wants you to do."

—————————

They asked how my parents are doing and I mentioned my mom's calling in her ward.

"Your mom is the Primary chorister?" Elder Renlund shared that he is the chair of the committee putting together the new hymnal. "I think the war in heaven started over a new hymnal. Everybody has an opinion." 🤣

—————————

Ruth and I spoke about a person we're both related to. It's a man who was her uncle, and he was married to my grandma and they had 2 children together. He died in World War II and my grandma remarried and had 2 more children.

My grandmother was sealed to her first husband but spent the bulk of her life with her second husband. When my granddad passed away, he was also sealed to his wife, she is sealed to two husbands.

Elder Renlund said that in life there is an asymmetry, men can be sealed to multiple women but women are limited to being sealed to only one man. However in death, all are equal, everyone can be sealed to all those they were ever married to.

This means we don't have a clear understanding of what it's like in Heaven. Since all three of these people are sealed to each other, and they have promises made to them, no blessing will be denied to them. We don't know how that works, but we are convinced of the promises and see them afar off.

Elder Renlund went on to say those who have "LGBTQ issues" and try to be faithful are heroes and the Lord really will bless them.

I brought up that single people face the same questions about their situation as queer people.

His response was of all those who are single and members of the Church, the majority are not active. He doesn't think God is going to harshly judge them. But he thinks God holds real blessings in store for those who try to be faithful. I thought that was interesting, "try" is enough to qualify.

Elder Renlund says there will be a sorting and figuring out who is sealed to whom, but we don't believe anyone will be forced. All wounds will be healed and injustices made whole, and no blessings withheld from the righteous.

—————————

We had met for nearly an hour and needed to wrap up. Elder Renlund proposed, "Let's get a photo." Sister Renlund commented, "I just came from the hair dresser so this works out well." 😂

As we walked out of the office, Sister Renlund explained that he has to go practice his conference talk using the teleprompter so there isn't much wiggle room for extending our visit. She also joked that you'd think these men would have the use of the teleprompter mastered, but they have to practice before every General Conference. 😆

—————————

It was generous of them to take an hour out of their day to spend it in conversation with me

#dale g renlund #ruth l renlund #queerstake #tumblrstake #I was quite vulnerable with them

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rozcdust · 2 years

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Chasing ghosts

Platonic Pairing: Bonten x GN!Reader, Sanzu Haruchiyo x GN!Reader

Genre: Crack, SMAU

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: Canon divergent, profanity, ooc, violence, blood draining, gore, drug abuse, conspiracy theories, religious trauma, cancer, religious items, mentions of religious trauma, allergies, seeming disordered eating, Kakucho needs a break

Day 1 of Promptober

A sharp gaze prickled at the back of your neck, making you want to squirm, yet your stubbornness didn’t allow you to show discomfort, your all too damned pride forcing you to keep your focus on the work at hand.

So what if Sanzu was staring at you accusatory the entire past week? You didn’t even do anything, not to him at least, not that you would remember anyway, and even Kakucho told you to not worry about it, that Sanzu was just in one of his drugged-up episodes, and that you had nothing to worry about.

Still.

You were trying to peacefully do your job, and Sanzu was just standing and staring, like a fucking creep.

Ugh.

Mikey should have kept his rabid puppy dog chained.

“Why do you always do that?”

Your head snapped up, an eyebrow quirked.

“Do what?”

“Drain them of blood.”

Sanzu and his stupid fucking questions.

“Because it’s easier to chop them up and turn them into fish food that way? We all do this? Ran literally taught me how to do this. And why are you even here? You’re not doing shit!”

He shrugged, still eyeing you suspiciously, his face nestled into the crook of his elbows as he watched you work.

Rolling your eyes, you choose to ignore him, focusing.

Bodies won’t disappear on their own.

“Kakucho, I don’t know how to convince you, but I’m telling you, y/n’s a fucking vampire. Or possessed. Still not sure which one it is.”

Kakucho's head was buried within his palms as a sound of sheer desperation escaped his throat, his eyes screwed tightly shut to avoid looking at his one true current problem.

Sanzu.

Sanzu spewing bullshit conspiracy theories, precisely.

God help him.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Kakucho opens his good eye to peek at the pink-haired maniac.

“Do I even want to know how you came to this conclusion?” His voice was wary, tired already. This was utter nonsense, and Sanzu should have known it, even if his brain was* utterly and completely fried on whatever the fuck he snorts in his free time.

“Probably not. Wanna see anyway?” The grin playing on the scarred man’s lips made Kakucho nervous.

“No.”

Sanzu stood up from his chair, stretching like an irate cat, and with a quick, unstable step, left the room.

Kakucho thought he was free, and he just breathed a sigh of immense relief when he heard it.

The scratching sound of shitty, rusted wheels on marble floors echoed in the hallway, followed by Sanzu wheeling in a pinboard, a photo of your face thumbtacked to the centre of a true shit show, multiple strings of red yarn connecting it all back to you.

Kakucho almost wept.

He doesn’t get paid enough for this.

Sanzu started by presenting a series of incidents.

Sanzu always found it odd you only ever worked at night, no matter how hard Mikey tried to drag you into meetings in broad daylight, you always refused, persistently and stubbornly, firmly stating that ‘Sun is a horrendous creature of misery and deserves death’ and ‘You’re more of a night owl’ and how you’d rather die than have that disgusting thing ever touch your skin.

Suspicious.

.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚..˳⁺⁎˚˳⁺⁎˚ (:̲̅:̲̅:[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) ˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳

“Okay, and? That proves nothing, Sanzu.”

“Kakucho, shut the fuck up and listen.”

.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚..˳⁺⁎˚˳⁺⁎˚ ( :̲̅:̲̅:[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) ˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳

Sanzu has been to your house a few, very few, times, as you were always cagey about your personal space and tried to kick all of them out as soon as possible, even if it was your turn to host the poker night and even if it was your turn to be the designated driver and let them sleep off the drunkenness in your house.

But he noticed something… Well, odd.

The blackout curtains.

Thick, dark fabric draped over every one of your windows, covering every possible entry point, blocking the entrance to the balcony and forbidding any and all natural light to as much as shyly try to enter your house.

You almost scalped Kokonoi when he tried to open them once, jumping onto him and forcing him down on the ground, sitting on his back, not getting off until he let go of the curtains and until you could close them all the way shut, muttering about the damage the UV light does to skin or some shit.

And the very few times he did see you in the sun, it was only after you lathered your skin with thick layers of sunscreen from a suspicious bottle with only the words ‘Ew ew sun’ written on it in sharpie.

.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚..˳⁺⁎˚˳⁺⁎˚ (:̲̅:̲̅:[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) ˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳

“Listen,” Kakucho groaned, running his hands down his face, “I get their fear of the sun is weird, and a little excessive, but dude, come on. Their mum died of skin cancer, and she died in their arms, it makes sense they’d be cautious.”

Sanzu frantically shook his head.

“No, because listen, there’s more.”

.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚..˳⁺⁎˚˳⁺⁎˚ (:̲̅:̲̅:[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) ˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳

You barely ever went to dinner with them.

Whenever you were invited, your most likely answer was ‘No, thanks’, and the few times you did agree, you never ordered any food, no matter who was paying, instead opting out for some wine or whiskey instead, under the guise that you don’t really feel hungry.

Every.

Single.

Goddamn time.

You never ate at the headquarters either, or at least, Sanzu has never seen you eat, only ever seeing you sipping on coffee or boba at your desk when he barged into your office unannounced.

He has tried feeding you, but you refused like a stubborn mule every time, coldly saying you don’t trust his cooking before returning to sipping on damn Starbucks.

It was suspicious enough that Ran asked you about it, and you simply explained you have a couple of severe food allergies and don’t feel like dying on a fucking Tuesday from an anaphylactic shock, which did get Ran and Koko to shrug and leave you be, but not Sanzu.

He opened your fridge when he was at your house, just to check what you had in there if you never ate out, but all he found was a block of cheese and a carton of strawberry juice.

Suspicious.

.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚..˳⁺⁎˚˳⁺⁎˚ (:̲̅:̲̅:[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) ˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳

“You dug around their fridge?”

“Kakucho, I don’t think you’re hearing my point.”

“They have allergies. You have no points.”

Sanzu sighed, frustrated, but that quickly got replaced by a smile.

And jazz hands.

“But wait! There’s more!” In his best showbiz tone, Sanzu continued rambling.

Kakucho was ready to cancel his subscription to life.

.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚..˳⁺⁎˚˳⁺⁎˚ (:̲̅:̲̅:[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) ˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳

Rindou sometimes wore crosses.

Not to show his huge devotion to Christianity of course, no, more as an accessory, one that looked damn fine on him if Sanzu was to pass any judgement, the silver crosses with ruby red jasper stones dangling from Rindou’s ears making him seem somewhat sophisticated, giving him the charming energy of a wandering ghost.

You absolutely hated Rindou’s silver cross earrings, a scowl twisting your face anytime you saw them, but you usually chose to say nothing.

Until Rindou noticed, and with an offence that bordered on hilarious, asked you what the fuck your problem was.

You merely sighed.

“Don’t like it when people wear crosses, that’s all.”

Rindou leaned back into his seat, now with a sneer.

“What, you hyper-religious or what?”

“Nah, try to go more ‘growing up with religious trauma’. Crosses just make me uncomfortable.” Shrugging, your gaze went back to your laptop, but Sanzu noticed the way you flinched if Rindou came closer to you when wearing his earrings.

.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚.˳⁺⁎˚..˳⁺⁎˚˳⁺⁎˚ (:̲̅:̲̅:[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) ˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳˚⁎⁺˳

“Honestly, you’re starting to sound like an ass. They’re bi, and grew up in a super religious household, of course they’re not all up for fucking religious items.”

Sanzu’s seemingly infinite well of reasons you’re possessed apparently to dried up, and he slumped into his chair with a sour look.

“I’m telling you, and you’re not listening.”

“You honestly sound like you don’t have shit. You literally just misinterpreted their trauma and allergies and made them into some fucking monster, and really dude, that’s fucked.”

Sanzu huffed.

“They’re also allergic to silver! How do you interpret that, huh?!”

Kakucho truly wished to bang his head against the wall.

“They’re allergic to nickel, you piece of absolute ass, as is half the human fucking population, and all silver has nickel because silver by itself is too soft for jewellery.”

Sanzu sunk into his chair, arms crossed, pouting.

Kakucho forced him to write you an apology card.

Even with Kakucho trying to knock some sense into Sanzu, he was still convinced.

There was something off about you, and he knew it.

So as he Googled vampire lore, and possession symptoms side to side, about a thousand tab bars open on his laptop, he stumbled upon something that gave him pause.

Reflections.

You have a reflection, he knew that much, he has seen you try out clothes and pose in front of any fucking shopping window that was polished enough, but there is a catch.

Apparently, vampires in medieval folklore don’t have a reflection because old-timey mirrors are made with silver.

Silver, which you just so happen to be allergic to, and no, fuck what Kakucho said, he’s stupid, Sanzu knew it was silver and not fucking nickel.

Modern mirrors are made with aluminium.

Sanzu took a pause, and in a quick moment of putting two and two together, he texted Kokonoi.

You barely registered Sanzu sneaking into the break room next to you, being too tired at this late hours of the night to focus on anything but the coffee you were brewing.

“Hey, didn’t expect you to be here so late-“

You never got the chance to finish your sentence, because someone is a bitch and that someone just grabbed your fucking arm out of nowhere and started dragging you away.

“Wha-“

“I know what you are.” Sanzu briefly looked back at you to flash a grin, his nails digging into your wrist.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

He didn’t respond as he kicked the doors of the men’s bathroom open.

“Sanzu, what the hell-“

Before you could process it, he grabbed your shoulders, shoving you in front of the mirror, giddiness mixing with glee visible on his stupid, stupid face as he stood behind you.

Your own tired eyes stared back at you.

He blinked.

“Wait, let’s just-“ He carefully pushed you out of the mirror’s reflection, knocking on it as if it were a broken TV, before pushing you back in front of it.

Still just your tired eyes and large eye bags.

“Huh.” His fingers sneaked to the side of your mouth, pulling your upper lip up to reveal small, if a little crooked canines.

Huffing, you wrestled out of his grasp, arms crossed over your chest.

“Mind explaining what the fuck is this about, Haruchiyo, my beloved? If you wanted to look at me you could have just DONE THAT!”

He scratched his head, confusion written all over his features.

“Sorry… Uh, thought you were a vampire.”

You quirked an eyebrow.

A beat of silence passed before you sighed, letting your arms fall to your side.

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Sorry.” He slightly bowed before scurrying away, slamming the doors to the bathroom shut, and leaving you alone.

Sighing, you turned to look at yourself, fixing the little bit of makeup that smeared under your eye.

Choosing to think you look presentable, you paused just as you were about to leave, a sort of glee forming on your face as you flashed yourself a grin.

Your canines scratched your bottom lip, drawing just a bit of blood.

You knew that replacing all the mirrors was a smart choice.

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#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #bonten #sanzu haruchiyo x y/n #bonten x reader #kakucho hitto #ran haitani #kokonoi hajime #rindou haitani #manjiro sano

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