#i just have low impulse control ok

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im still procrastinating so bear with me #ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system #bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i #moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me #like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them #like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract #and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone #surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow #i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents #like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case #its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl #bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my #skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control #and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with #the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum #its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all #still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working #sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain #works better in the early morning rip #unrelated

[sugar-omi]

TRANS MASC COVE TRANS MASC COVE (sfw +nsfw hcs pls,, id love your thoughts)

NO BC NOW YOU'VE PUT THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD N I NEED HIM DESPERATELY eta while im in the middle of writing: after this i... i can no longer hold onto my fem!cove thoughts. n i am eating up trans!cove like a starving ANIMAL.

tags : SFW + NSFW, transmasc (ftm) cove, switch cove/reader, some mentions of body/gender dysmorphia, im sure theres 1 transphobe walking around sunset bird so the smallest mention of that clown

SFW

i've been seeing a lotta top surgery scar tattoos on my twt timeline lately, and pls some of them i need for myself bc they're so!!!! pretty!!!!

so i can definitely see him getting tattoos there

not because he wants to cover em up, i just think he sees so many flash sheets over time that he's SOLD

mmm i wanna say that fem/afab!cove would have small boobs

or B cups at most

either way, i almost wanna say that his boobs before surgery wouldn't bother him as much unless someone was sexualizing him or he was exercising n his boobs were bouncing too much or smth like that

even then its usually complaints of, "ugh, this bra isn't supportive..." or something like that

ofc he still has his moments

i also think he only binds sometimes, rarely

doesn't do it often since it's often hot outside, or especially if he's sporty, its uncomfortable

(also looked it up just to be sure) but since he's always on the beach its inconvenient/unnecessary to wear if he can't wear it in the water

but like i said i think he'd be pretty flat/small anyway, so i think he's okay

mm definitely doesn't give up having long hair, or wearing the occasional dress/skirt ofc

but will correct one of the old sunset bird residents if they try and say "see honey, it was a phase, you're wearing a dress today!"

also idk abt yall, n this is more of a general thought, but i feel like step 2 cove's impulse control is. deathly low.

so one day, he has long/long-ish hair

and the next he has a mullet, wolf cut, or buzz cut.

he's so chaotic to me pls

now i've had fem!cove on my mind for weekssss now

so i'm not just saying this

but cove is still buff

thick muscly thighs, NICE ARMS. REALLY NICE ARMS

mm so i feel like he looks pretty androgynous or masc anyway

now im projecting here.

but cove has irregular periods, n they're pretty heavy most the time

or lasts awhile (ok im done projecting. sorry cove</3)

also think he deals with cramps (IM SORRY COVE)

i think his period is the biggest trigger of his body/gender dysmorphia too

although i think fem!cove would hate her period anyway altho tbf who doesnt

he'd definitely appreciate some comfort!!!

bring him another heating pad, your comfiest hoodie or blanket and snacks

he's very happy for the thoughtfulness and the company

step 2 cove would definitely be moved by such thoughtfulness... he's in tears

so after the first time it's a trend to spend time together in his bed, watching movies or something while he's cuddled into your side or next to you in a cove-rrito, all sleepy n comfy...

NSFW

had to stop writing the SFW to write this bc i had a thought

cove laid out all pretty... his chest rising and falling and he's all teary eyed as you're between his legs, eating his cunt until he's seeing stars.

pls his cunt with be so sensitive, and he'd be so pretty to fuck

would shake so much too

his thighs quivering so bad he clamps around your hand

you'd have to hold his legs up so he doesn't nearly flatten your head between his thick thighs

"y/n!" cove cries, his hands tangled in your hair and he's trying so hard not to squish your head between his thighs, but your tongue is flat against his sensitive clit, sucking and bullying the poor button while your fingers make a loud, sloppy mess of his hole.

he whines, hips shaking in your hands.

you tighten your grip on his waist, your fingers digging into the flesh, grumbling irritably around his clit but cove just cries out a loud moan and slurred word, torn between your name, a cuss word, and a cry for god.

you pull of his clit, your fingers still curling against that spongy spot inside his sloppy walls. "stay still, you're gonna crush my head..." you start to kiss his thighs, small kisses turning into you sucking deep hickeys into his tan skin, and that turning into biting.

cove gasps for air, his eyes fluttering closed as he squirms.

"fuck, y/n, please..." he mumbles, tugging at the bedsheets.

you stop the assault on his thighs, leaning up on your elbows so you can give cove a kiss, your lips lazily moving together...

anyway... horny aside for a moment<333

mm i could see cove not getting or really wanting bottom surgery

i think trans cove would be pretty comfortable with his body's appearance overall

and he's probably read into it a lot since it's not like he hasn't thought about it, i could just see him probably deciding its not something he wants

ARGGHH HE'D BE A DEMON WITH THE STRAP THOUGH

ahh. cove holding you down or folding your legs against your chest while he slams his hips against yours...

his strap hitting your poor prostate / cervix, he'd coo about how cute your whines are and that you're making him leak

would definitely upset he can't fill you up w cum

especially if you wanna get pregnant, rambles about how much he wishes he could fill you up with his cum again and again and again...

arghhh fuck imma lose my MIND

definitely takes advantage of those squirting dildos

can at least admire how you look oozing milky lube

omfg definitely wakes up all excited to tell you if he dreamed about it too...

has an array of straps

we already know he has a tentacle dildo or two deep in his closet...

yeah tries them out on you

"don't get tired yet, i have one more.. and it has a knot!!!"

he just likes to experiment on you a little~~ bit <333

ohh please tell him he looks handsome/sexy while you're giving him head

he'll die.

FUCK HE'D GO CRAZY IF YOU RIDE HIM TOO I KNOW IT

yeah he's still the same cute, secretly horny, big crybaby pookie <3333 i love him pls

#olba #our life: beginnings & always #cove holden x reader #cove holden #smut #cove x reader #cove x mc #cove our life #cove holden smut #cove holden x mc

[pillowmoment]

“he’s not evil he’s just misunderstood” is the WORST excuse of character behavior in the goddamn book

Ok so let me explain why. I know this is often a joke, but many people use it unironically and it bothers me to hell and back

basically, this explanation is far too vague to combat any point made against a character. It’s not an argument. It sounds very dismissive and comes from a place of denial.

often when characters are considered evil, it is because they commit to actions or words that are directly harming, usually, our protagonist, or other characters.

I only bring it up because wheatley has been floating around in my mind lately, and this excuse is used on him a lot?

i’ve already analyzed him and why: no, he’s not evil, but he’s certainly not innocent. And he’s not morally gray either. He’s on a weird dot that keeps sliding around. But it’s always on the same Y-axis. His character is constant.

i’ll explain as fast as possible here so this doesn’t end up being the whole post. But, in short:

wheatley is a flawed character from the start of the damn game. He’s overly anxious, has low self-esteem, impulsive, and doesn’t think before he acts, but he’s also weirdly cocky and egotistical. He’s also incredibly self-aware. He cares too much about his image and is entirely aware of his flaws, and tries to make up for them. He’s just bad at it. He has some amount of trauma regarding the facility, clearly illustrated in his extreme fear of GLaDOS, and his tendency to lament upon, and get upset with the past. none of this changes when he takes control of the facility. While he seems less anxious in those final moments before.. well, you know what. This is likely because he feels comfortable around Chell, and also has this need to prove himself to GLaDOS, who is insanely critical of him. when he takes control, again, NOTHING changes. He is still as flawed as before. Yet his ego suddenly skyrockets, because he’s in control now! He’s in a respectable position, and a position of power, isn’t he? But he is still criticized by GLaDOS. This literally sends him spiraling. Now that he knows Chell probably hates him too, there’s nothing more to do but try and make himself seem scary, since he thinks that it’s what made people respect GLaDOS. This also doesn’t work. As his mental state gets worse and worse, his bad traits become more and more pronounced. He’s reckless and aggressive. Until eventually it all spills over. His own actions, technically, lead to his own demise. If he hadn’t been so confident in his deeply flawed plan to kill chell and glados, he probably wouldn’t have ended up in space. If he hadn’t been so restless and angry, he would’ve pushed to keep testing, and everyone would’ve probably died in a massive explosion when the place self destructed.

he is not evil. He is not innocent. He is FLAWED. He can’t just be placed on a scale of “good or evil.” That doesn’t take his character into account at all. He’s a really good example of a complex character. He can’t be simplified into “good guy” or “bad guy”

he can be boiled down to an antagonist, but that doesn’t automatically equal evil.

and this can be said about MANY characters people often defend with the empty excuse of “nobody understands them!”

A handful of my favorite characters are often defended this way, and it completely erases anything that makes them unique.

they aren’t misunderstood. They tried to fucking kill people. There’s no justification for that. motivation is such an important thing to consider, and i feel many people skip over it when it comes to commonly debated characters. Why did they do it? Was it because they felt like the needed to defend themselves? Or was it because all that emotion had been sitting in their stomach for so long and now it’s twisted into nothing but a desire to hurt people?

You cannot say you like a character if you ignore their complexity and everything that makes them unique.

It bugs me so much that a lot of Wheatley fans just say he’s innocent.

his villain arc is so IMPORTANT to his character. His bad traits are so fucking important. He wouldn’t be the same without them. Ignoring them means you’re viewing the character like the cover of a book, and completely ignoring it’s interior. All you see of them is a hollow shell. There’s nothing to it. Nothing to enjoy.

For the love of god stop excusing characters actions just because you like them. I adore wheatley, he’s been so important to me for a very long time. But i’m not going to sit here and say he’s not a bad person because i like him. He’s a bad person and i love that for him. It’s what makes me love him.

at the same time, it’s also not good to be overly critical of a character, because you are also missing the entire point of their existence. Like i said, characters can’t be simplified into one or the other.

ok rant over.

#portal 2 #wheatley #Ranting #rant #grrrrr #:3 #feel free to add ur own opinions on this post! #I love reading people’s thoughts on this stuff #Especially in regards to wheatley #He’s so cool…. #You know whenever i see people hate him i always think #Like… god forbid a woman do anything… am i right?

[cringelordofchaos]

Common ADHD traits/experiences I've heard of !!

(I was gonna make a post about why I might be neurodivergent but I figured it'd be going a bit too personal. Also this is just easier)

(ADHD is much more nuanced and complex than I may make it appear in this post. A lot of ADHD people don't have a lot of these traits or have traits not mentioned here. For example there are three types of ADHD (inattentive, hyperactive and combined) and most inattentive adhders are not going to be hyperactive lol)

Warning: badly worded (I'm stupid that's my excuse). also I'll go on personal rants as to how some of these may apply to me (whilst I can reasonate with each point listed here I won't go on a rat on all of these)

Physical hyperactivity (inability to sit/stand still (I used to think this meant that people with ADHD were incapable of. Sitting down (while constantly fidgeting or not) for one whole class)(I was an idiot)(I still am)). (Just overall constant , movement (I might have it idk I'm ALWAYS

Excessive talking

Stimming, fidgeting, general and overall repetitive movements (such as flapping hands, pacing, clasping hands together, etc)

Low attention span regarding things that don't garner much interest to you

More likely to be autistic, have anxiety or depression (or generally have other diagnostic conditions)

Ability to Hyperfocus on specific things, at times out of their control

More likely to have a lower Performance in school that most people

Proneness to addiction

Rejection sensitive dysphoria/RSD (really sensitive and afraid to rejection or criticism or disapproval or stuff like that. I'm questioning if I have it and I'm pretty sure I do bc i would have a whole breakdown bc i accidentally had a bad unintentional thought about this cool person I didn't want to hate me)(it's complicated)

Emotional disregulation (easily irritable, excited, stressed, stronger emotions, more likely to lash out, etc)(people with this are usually described to be much more emotional)

restless leg syndrome (except it's permanent lol)

Lower memory spans regarding most things

Forgetting to fulfill basic needs (such as eating, drinking, showering, etc)

Women/AFAB people are more likely to be diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (this of course does not rucking mean afab people can't b hyperactive my god)

Mental hyperactivity (racing/constant/overlapping/repetitive thoughts or stuff like that)

Impulsivity (doing stuff without thinking them fully though or not knowing why)

Sensory issues (sensitivity to sensory output such as noise, brightness, etc)

Easily bored/underwhelmed/understimulated - more likely to want to seek constant dopamine (due to l

Easily overwhelmed (whether itd be due to aforementioned sensory issues, emotional disregulation, rsd or stuff like that)

More likely to be perceived as "childish" (from what I've heard obviously this and many other things listed here don't apply to everyone)

Executive dysfunction (can't do shit at all)(ok it's more complicated than that just Google it up or something)

Having Hyperfixations (things you're DEEPLY invested in for a period of time, it can be a few days, weeks, months, sometimes more than a year, depends rly)(I'm still questioning if I'm neurodivergent but like I'm pretty sure I was in a DEEP hyperfixation mode when it came to sonic for like. A YEAR. like I literally it was literally the only thing on my brain the only thing in my life. and I would get realllytyy excited about learning obscure information about it or infodumping and I would flap my hands bc of how excited and passionate I was Abt it)(man I miss the times when I was so passionate about stuff I liked it was so fun :(( )

Higher/lower levels of empathy (I've seen this moreso been brought up with discussions regarding autism but I've also seen it brought up with ADHD itself too)

Lower levels of dopamine

Impatience

More likely to be a maladaptive daydreamer

Its cause is usually heavily genetic (meaning if your family or a family member has ADHD, you are more likely to have ADHD yourself)

More likely to have insomniac/have general problems with sleep (I'm questioning ADHD. I'm writing this like... Five hours before I'm supposed to wake up for school. Great.)

There is also a higher relevance between ADHD and PTSD

If I missed something important let me know!! Also if you don't know some of he

This post is not meant to be used as a substitute for self nor professional diagnosis, though if you feel like you might have ADHD because of this post I recommend further research and conversations with trusted advisors such as parental figures or therapists/doctors (not me not listening to my own advice)(<- that was me regarding my latter advice)(I'm too scared to tell my parents about it man)(idk why)

Things to note:

ADHD is not just about little elementary school hyperactive white boys !!

There's a lot of things I mightve missed

Not everyone with ADHD has all these traits (obviously)

Some of these traits may be common due to the commonness of ADHD + autism overlap (idk though)

Apparently it's one of the most diagnosed forms of neurodivergence in kids (about 7-10% of kids in the USA are diagnosed with ADHD)(APPARENTLY idk)

There's more but I'm tired right now byeeee

#adhd #adhd brain #adhd things #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #attention deficit disorder #neurodiverse #actually adhd #actually neurodiverse #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #neurodivergent #neurodivergence #yeahh idk what else to tag #nd #adhd symptoms #adhd traits #adhd symptom

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

its hard to describe.... like ok ive come into contact w a fair share of narcissistic types in my time & she displayed a lot of correlation w that energy, like she was very focused on low frequency material shit money and objects, very manipulative she spoke openly of the way she viewed people as tools, she lied about EVERYthing, no impulse control, typical shit but then it was like.. something more sinister, i duno. it felt like she would have these fleeting moments of clarity where her true soul would shine thru and beg for help, but she could not keep power over herself. her eyes had this menacing predatory gleam about them. intuitively i could tell when she was around my dog that she secretly loathed his presence, then one time when i wasnt home she did something extremely fucking cruel to him that's been so hard for me to forgive. i've known ppl who are disinterested in animals and its not that weird but she seemed to really hate my dog. she would also throw up in her room a lot and just leave it to rot on the floor until i'd be begging her to clean it up cus the smell had penetrated the whole apartment. liek she was fixated on the grotesque in a way ive never experience before or since, there was something distinctly disturbed about her energy, idk.

all in all just so fucking self destructive and seemed like any good thing or person who entered her life was immediately sabotaged. usually narcissistics at least like, are working For themselves and have tact, they work to maintain an image worthy of praise, but with her it was like, something was trying to drag her down to hell and bring everything in it's vicinity along with her. i just had this feeling it wasn't her real personality, especially when she asked me if i think she's demonically possessed, it felt like a real cry for help. but i could not help her o_o she scared me and i had to leave, it was poisoning me to live there so when the opportunity to leave came up i knew it was god's intervention. during this process she stole every single valuable thing i owned and even stuff that was purely sentimental to me, as "payback" for leaving her. havent heard from her since i sometimes wonder if she even still alive.. "alive"

[hmshermitcraft]

Now the hermits know Pearl’s past isn’t something she talks about often if not at all even Grian knows a whole lot and they’ve known each other since they were toddlers! But she sometimes get into a funk and just avoids everyone for weeks on end they get worried. They try and go to her base but she’s not there Impulse and Gem haven’t even seen her nearby and when she does return she’s usually covered in blood with dead eyes her head down. Not to mention the fact there’s been a massive increase in wolves showing up on the server and not the friendly kind.

Now they want to respect Pearl’s privacy they do really! But the last time she showed up she was curled in a ball next to the Hotguy shop crying with large claw marks behind her and her normally baggy jacket she always keeps on torn to shreds showing a large selection of tattoos they weren’t even aware she had. So after getting her patched up and making sure she was ok they went to her base and sat in front of her with Xisuma pulling the “I demand an explanation” look which he hates pulling.

So after working up a voice Pearl explained her family wasn’t kind…in a traditional sense she comes from a long line of monster hunters who willingly or at least usually willingly become werewolves in order to fight back unfortunately she wasn’t one of those willing ones. Normally the process shouldn’t have side effects as long as it’s what a person wants but unfortunately her grandparents didn’t care for that so they forced the transformation which resulted in the tattoos on her body. So now Pearl has a raging monster inside her that unless she lets loose every once and awhile it can hurt her badly which is what she tried to do since she’s been doing since she’s been on hermitcraft and this is the end result that their seeing when the monster forcibly takes control.

And the last thing she expected was to be hugged by all of them with a good majority of them crying-Mumbo, Keralis your gonna drown Scar at this rate!-while the other majority was already trying to figure out to see if they can remove it or at least a way to ease the symptoms of it. And in that instant Pearl remembered why she fell in love with them all in the first place this curse be damned.

Rando anon

Jokingly, some of the hermits are offended that she thinks they could be taken down by a mere werewolf to begin with. Pearl shakes her head fondly, knowing no wolf is going to help her win that argument.

Xisuma throws himself into research, whilst some of the other hermits band together to find a way to help Pearl manage her symptoms. The wolf needs to be let out occasionally to run off energy, so they need a safe space it can do it! Really, it's just like designing a minigame, and that's something the hermits excel at.

Pearl gives her input, as well. Mostly it's telling people areas the wolf will be able to escape. It can jump over walls that low, yes it can open doors. Gates too. Iron doors take longer so it usually gets bored and gives up.

They eventually end up with a selection of minigames for Pearl to choose from when she needs it. There's ones for running, hunting, fighting- whatever the wolf needs that night! Xisuma promises to keep up his research, but Pearl feels so much better already. It's nice to wake up the morning after a transformation feeling refreshed and energised. She used to always feel like she'd been dragged backwards through a hedge maze.

(The hermits still aren't quite sure how to tell her about the time the wolf came to them and flopped over for belly rubs, though. They guess the previous arrangement didn't feel good for it, either.)

#hermitshipping #ask #pearl tag #xisuma tag #polyhermits #rando anon #mod 🎀

[inevitablysomber-dark]

Shackled (Chapter 14)

(I couldn't quite find a gif I was looking for so this is as close as I could get to what I wanted)

Dark! Rafe Cameron x Pogue! Reader

Warning: There are some intense, dubiously consenting and nonconsensual sexual themes in this series, MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. MINORS DNI.

Summary: You hate Outer Banks with a passion and are working hard to get out despite all the obstacles in your way. Rafe himself eventually becomes one of those obstacles after a night of low impulse control. Will you be able to overcome him or with you have no choice but to submit.

Slow Burn

Series Masterlist

It was a failure. 

You limp down to the docks, sitting on a bench where no other bodies were found. 

You needed to be alone and didn't think you could face another person in your condition. 

You went to Barry's just to be rejected before giving your proposal. Your loyalty and consistency all these years meant nothing, as he seemed to already have his mind made up before you arrived.

You tried returning home, hoping to crash on the couch, but the house was riddled with police officers and yellow tape. And it seemed that the backyard had been dug out.

Was your father serious when he mentioned what he possibly had done to your mother?

With nowhere to go, you found yourself at the docks, near the marsh. 

Now you were stuck on this god-forsaken island with no home, money, family... nothing. 

You could feel tears forming at your hopelessness as frustration creeps up the base of your neck. 

You lay your head back as you find it increasingly more difficult to breathe,  heat from the sun beating down on your body as it was midday. 

"Hey," you open your eyes to find Pope Heyward standing in front of you, and what seems to be concern painting his eyes. 

You shut your eyes since keeping them open took too much energy. "May I help you?" you ask. 

"Are you ok?" you felt a bit of movement as his body hovered, shielding you from the sun. "You don't look too good."

"I'm fine," you just wanted to be left alone, was that so hard?

"You don't sound too good either," he states, ignoring your sentiment. 

"I think she needs help." another voice states this one more feminine. You assume it was Kiara since she was the only girl besides Sarah who kept Pope's company.

The island was small, and with a rag-tag group like theirs, it was difficult to not know who they were.

This time you don't open your eyes, fatigue has quickly settled in your body. Doing anything at this point would be futile. 

Irritation suddenly began to bubble at your helplessness, and you needed to vent. 

"You know what pisses me off," your voice sounded weak and stiff. "I worked so hard to get away from this place, and it all disappeared in one night," you ball your hands, trying to push your body to do something, anything. 

"You both were given the opportunity to do something with your lives, and you squashed it." you try to push your body up. "How is that fair?" your voice barely a whisper, and your attempt at moving found you on the ground.

"H-hey, be careful, don't - Kie, go get help - don't move, we'll get you some help." 

You knew what he said, you just couldn't register the meaning behind his words. "How is that fair?" you whispered again, as your body relaxed in a moment of peace and darkness overtook your consciousness.

"Wait, stay awake," were the last words you heard before a peaceful slumber took you. 

***

You constantly fell in and out of consciousness, taking in pieces of evidence as you drifted. You knew you were at the hospital, hooked up to many machines, and you were pretty sure you were handcuffed to the bed this time. 

Of the handful of times you found yourself awake, you thought you saw Rafe or Sarah. You weren't sure, so you couldn't say. 

When you were finally fully awake, you found your vitals being taken by Nurse Annie Rose. When she finally does look your way, she gasps and, in a low whisper, asks. "Blink once if you're awake."

"Why do I have to blink if I can talk?" Your voice is very raw and scratchy. The sudden movement of your vocal cords has you choking on your own spit. 

"That's why." she pulls a straw from her coat pocket and puts it in a bedside pitch before putting it to your lips. Cool water falls into your body as you greedily pull from the straw. Damn, you were thirsty. 

"Honestly, the first thing you give me when you wake up is an attitude," when she hears that I've emptied the pitcher, she removes it from my lips. "You young ones just have no respect these days, huh?" she moves the straw to another jug and puts it to your lips, the water wasn't as cool, but it still felt good going down. 

"You were out for a few days, so you're gonna be thirsty for a bit, I'll have someone bring in more water for you," once you've emptied the jug, she sets it down before placing her hands on her hips. 

"Now, why would you sneak out of the hospital in your condition?" she looks disappointed " You're in worse shape than you were the first time. What were you thinking?"

It all came back at once your father, the bank, Kelly, Barry... So much had happened in the last several days, and you just couldn't catch a break. 

Tears began to roll down your cheeks. 

"I can't afford this, Annie, I nothing...and no one," you sniffle and wince from the pain it caused. 

"Oh honey, I wouldn't say you have no one," she comforts, moving over as she gestures to a sleeping figure on the recliner next to the window.

Your stomach drops, and you sob even harder, elevating your body's pain. You didn't mean to, but it wakes him up. As soon as he sees your eyes are opened, he quickly moves toward you, concern etched on his face, as your sobs become uncontrollable.

"Oh dear," Annie says before pulling a syringe from her coat pocket.

"What's wrong with her? What are you doing?" Rafe asks.

"She seems to be having an episode." you feel a prick in your arm as she holds on to it. "This should help you relax a bit, dear." when she pulls it out, you feel your body relax into the bed. 

"What happened?" Rafe asked, never taking his eyes off you. 

"Her situation is a lot to take in now. We should give her a moment to reflect while she's relaxed, and she should be fine by the time medication wears off. "

You close your eyes as black clouds overtake your vision.

"She should be fine in about 12 hrs," 

***

As you wake, you can feel someone playing with your fingers. Your eyes flutter open as you take in your surroundings, noting the man beside you. 

You felt so tired and lethargic. Your fingers twitch as you attempt to move, catching Rafe's attention as he looks towards you. He looks back down at your fingers as he moves them around. 

"We'll pay your hospital bills," he says, still holding on to your fingers " And I'll take you home and nurse you back to health" he puts your hand down and looks you in the eyes. "But then you have to do something for me."

You swallow, scared of what the something might be.

"We don't have to worry about it now, we'll discuss it when you're better, but you do have to agree to it now,"

You were scared, but what choice did you have? Your two options were Rafe or dying somewhere random in the cut. You could figure out a way out of this later, but right now, you couldn't do this on your own, and you were too scared to try. 

You squeezed the finger he had against your head and nodded. 

"Help me," you whispered.

He breathed relief before placing a chaste kiss against your lips.

"You're mine now, and I'll take care of you."

#Dark!Rafe Cameron #Dark!Rafe Cameron x Reader #Dark! Rafe Cameron x Pogue! Reader #Dark OBX #Pogue! Reader #Pogue Reader #dark fics #Rafe Cameron c Reader #Outer Banks #series #Shackled #Shackled Series #dub con #dubcon #dubious consent #abuse #parental abuse #near-death experience

[thepanicsquid]

How Unmanaged ADHD Almost Killed Half the Universe: A Peter Quill Character Analysis

First, a disclaimer: I'm not a professional anything. I genuinely don’t even know how to use Tumblr but I needed somewhere to get weird about my hyperfixations where the normies can’t see. 😅 I can't diagnose anyone with anything, and I'm not saying that Peter Quill was written as an intentional representation of ADHD. I am just a person who was diagnosed in adulthood with ADHD who loves and relates to Peter Quill. This is just my interpretation of him through the lens of my own experiences. Also, this is (hyper)focused on the MCU version of the character.

Impulsivity, Risk Taking, and Emotional Dysregulation

Ok, so this is the big one. We know that Peter has massive impulsivity issues. This is how to works in an ADHD brain (from additudemag.com): "The thalamus area of the brain controls response inhibition. It works like a gate — sending signals to allow or stop behaviors. When the brain detects a red flag, its limbic-hippocampal connections relay a warning from the thalamus to the frontal cortex. That’s the control center of the brain that handles emotional expression and problem solving. In ADHD brains, the thalamus gate is broken." So let's look at some examples by movie.

Vol. 1

He goes back for his walkman when it's been stolen from him at the Kyln, even though they're currently breaking out of a high security prison because of an impulsive, emotional reaction. He also gives Gamora his mask when she's floating out in space, with the hope that calling Yondu will also save him (impulsivity involves a lack of foresight). His bragging about how selfless it was afterwards to Gamora came across as arrogant, but it was probably also him realizing himself that things could have gone very differently because people with ADHD don't tend to think ahead. Finally, he banks on his 12% of a plan being enough to defeat Ronin. Peter thinks ahead *just* enough but struggles to see things through to completion. And then at the end he just does the first things he can think to do - a dance off and then grabbing the same stone that he had just watched tear a woman apart.

Vol. 2

When he learns that Ego killed his mother, his anger completely overtakes him and he shoots his father immediately, once again reacting emotionally and impulsively.

Infinity War

This is the one that hurts, because it shows how devastating unmanaged ADHD symptoms can be. When he learns that Thanos killed Gamora, he literally can't control his emotions because his brain doesn't work that way and he's never had the tools to manage it, and he impulsively beats Thanos without any thought for the consequences. It always broke my heart to see him villainized for this because I knew it would be my exact reaction in his shoes. Peter always acts from his heart, for better or worse, and in that moment, his pain overwhelmed any logical thought. As an aside, I've found that this is one of the hardest parts of being late-diagnosed. You look back on all the times where you can't quite explain rationally why you did the thing you did and start to understand why and there’s a whole lot of shame involved in it (more on shame later!)

Vol. 3

"Kill them all" Peter spends an entire scene telling Drax they're not going to kill anyone, because that's who Peter Quill is. He's compassionate and empathetic, but once he gets angry, once he's hurt, all that goes out the window. Literally! He grabs Theel and jumps out of the window towards a dying planet! People with ADHD tend to have low frustration tolerance, impatience, a hot temper, and excitability. So, in addition to jumping into an exploding planet...

Forgetfulness, Music, and Dopamine Hunting

Because the reward center doesn't produce enough dopamine in the ADHD brain, boring tasks like cleaning are painful. Our brains don't give us any sort of satisfaction for doing it, so there's very little motivation to do it. The Milano is a mess, of course it is! Cleaning isn't interesting or rewarding and even if we want to live in a clean environment, we're constantly at war with our own brain over having to make it that way. When he gets back from Morag, he's forgotten Bereet's even THERE. People with ADHD struggle with their working memory, meaning that if a thing isn't right in front of them, they tend to forget about it. We also know that Quill's a bit of a womanizer, and that impulsive, pleasure seeking behavior is one of the ways that people with ADHD try to up their dopamine levels. People with ADHD tend to have issues with alcohol and drug abuse as well, since they stimulate the pleasure center of the brain, and we know that Peter uses alcohol heavily to cope after losing Gamora.

Speaking of the pleasure center of the brain, music triggers it, and we know my guy cannot do anything without music on. And for most of his life it was the SAME 12 SONGS (hyperfixation?). Not only that, but familiar music (or tv shows, or movies) can provide a sort of white noise that let's people with ADHD focus better. Peter loves music because it reminds him of his mom, sure, but also because it helps him get shit done because otherwise his thoughts would be all over the place in silence. Plus dancing is a great way to stim and get that extra energy out.

Masking, Rejection and Identity

People with ADHD also often deal with Rejection Sensitivity Disorder, where they are extra sensitive to real or imagined rejection. We don't see *too* much of this, but there are hints of it. Like his interpretation of the night his mother died. His grandfather carried him out of the room to protect him, but he interpreted it as getting thrown out. He took Yondu's joking about wanting to eat him literally. He panics at the idea that Gamora might be rejecting him for Thor (who is, as everyone points out to him, the real version of the person he pretends to be). He also can't accept the Other Gamora's rejection of him. Part of the way he protects himself is by creating a persona that can handle rejection.

Masking is more commonly associated with ASD than ADHD, but people with ADHD can still mask to try to hide their ADHD symptoms. And truthfully, if you're a human kid trying to survive around a bunch of aliens, the only hope you've got is to try to fit in anyway. Peter's entire persona is what he *thinks* a cool space pirate should be like. He creates this Star-lord persona based on his heros growing up. But where Han Solo is genuine in his confidence and swagger, with Quill, it's an act. He's a sensitive, emotional kid that had to develop this mask to survive being raised by the Ravagers. It crumbles when he meets Thor and sees himself next to the sort of person he's trying to be and just how insecure Peter is. And we see over and over again that he's most successful when he lets the mask drop and leads with empathy and compassion. Every single Guardian started as his enemy, but Peter, unlike Han, doesn't shoot first. At his core, he is still that little boy who got into a fight with the other kids for killing an innocent frog. A lot of people with ADHD feel stuck in arrested development and Peter Quill is still a kid playing pretend in a lot of ways.

I think Quill is a much more layered and interesting character than people tend to give him credit for because he masks TOO well. People look at him and see a boring white dude. Handsome and confident just like all of the other MCU leading men...but it's because that's what he wants you to see. Because if you saw what a mess he was underneath all of that you'd understand why his family are these other neurodivergent weirdos. He might be pretending to be "Star-lord", but there's a reason his best friends are Rocket and Drax.



I think the heartbreak of Vol. 3 is that he had started to figure out who he was with Gamora because she grounded him but he wound up tying too much of that progress to her. He can't go back to the person he was (Legendary Outlaw Star-lord) because that was never truly him, and facing the world without that safety net is too hard. So he chases the dopamine. He drinks, he tries to convince the other Gamora to be with him, he even briefly turns to Nebula, because he's never really had to face himself. Mantis says that Drax is the only one of the Guardians who doesn't hate himself, and in spite of his outward confidence, I think that includes Peter. Peter loves the Outlaw Star-lord persona, he loves the Guardian Star-lord he became with Gamora, but deep down, he's sensitive and driven by emotions he can't control and he's ashamed of that. Remember, he was raised by Yondu who constantly derided him for his sentimentality and he was blamed for the Blip because of an emotional reaction he didn't have the tools to control. The qualities that helped him create a family out of a group of criminals are the same ones that cause him to screw up and cause him shame. Which is pretty much what having ADHD can feel like.

So there is is! I'm sure I've missed stuff and some of this is just character analysis regardless of ADHD, but there it is. Also, definitely check out @peter-quill-is-so-fine ‘s breakdown of Quill's report card that inspired all this for further evidence.

#gotg #guardians of the galaxy #peter quill #chris pratt #star lord

[nyxfaei]

Yo wait ur a system? Is it ok to ask? Mind introducing us to everyone?

I am!!!

I’m always kinda confronting so I’m always here but at least one of these guys are usually in the drivers seat with me!

They’re like if facets of me became their own people- or if imaginary friends became their own people. they both are and aren’t me? Hard to explain. ANYWAY

Doxa- protector. You’ve seen me post him a lot. Very chatty and loves being perceived. Silly. Flirty. But is dead serious about looking after the rest of the system that he views to be his coven. Somewhat omnipotent about the other members of the system. He’s in a relationship with dragana and is a total wife guy. He uses pet names a lot in conversation. He doesn’t mean anything by it and will normally ask you if you’re okay with it first. He’s currently very interested in Arthur Lester as a person and concept. I’ve already made a post about him as a character.

Dragana- a mediator. A lot more quiet than Doxa but good natured. A lot more introverted though and has a low social battery. She has a much better impulse control and will jump in when doxas being stupid and I can’t stop him. She may or may not be as omnipresent as Doxa but she won’t tell me. She at least has the ability to kick whoever is confronting aside if they’re getting to be too much. She enjoys wearing elegant yet comfortable clothes and listening to 90s indie women artists lmao. I should just make a post about her in general

Ren- chaotic goth punk. They’re Doxa and dragana’s son. He has a weird rocky relationship with Doxa due to happenings in their story. He has a good relationship with dragana though. Although I’ve done a lot of projecting onto them, they don’t front very often because they hate the idea of being in control of so much. He’d mostly enjoys to pop in, listen to loud music and tease people and be a menace- although he’s a well meaning menace. He enjoys going to places with lots of people and just exploring- such as boardwalks and downtown areas. He loves DIY and taking things apart and making new things out of them. Horror movie fan. He’s in a polycule with Lewis and Felix.

Lewis- very introverted and usually keeps to himself when fronting. Horror fanatic. Very into monsters and mysteries. He’s probably the facet that first got interested in malevolent. Bad abandonment issues so when he’s fronting ren and Felix are pretty close by. He enjoys wearing comfy clothing rather than making any sort of statement as opposed to his partners. Enjoys writing, reading (usually graphic novels because I am dyslexic as fuck), and listening to gothic metal. Can come off as rude by accident.

Felix: definitely Lewis’s foil and yet they get along very well seeing as they’re in a relationship together lmao. Loves his friends and is very enthusiastic about everything all the time. Has a killer gut instinct. He does have an originality complex and Will Die if someone shows up wearing the same thing as him. He’s a scaredy cat that prefers spooky movies over scary movies but will put up with them for ren and Lewis. Huge fan of slushies, junk food, and early 2000s emo music. He’s far too easy to tease but we love him with our whole heart.

Callum- constantly wants to be out exploring and adventuring and traveling. Pretty damn social and did a lot of fronting two years ago but he’s been taking a bit of a break- although I still see him show up quite a few times. For the most part he seems to be very well put together but in reality he’s very competitive and has poor impulse control and definitely has his chaotic moments and will just do things on a whim. Big fan of 80s new wave. Has cried over Duran Duran. He’s very good friends with the polycule. Australian?????

Moyra- oldest in the system and has been with me since about 5th grade. Very cynical and has middle manager energy. Used to be the protector but now she just does her own thing. She’s kinda rude and finicky but means well for the most part. Perfectionist and very easily stressed. Just turn on some New Age music for her and she’ll be fine.

Then there’s my fictives-

Arthur Lester- you know him. You know Arthur. He’s a mess. He’s very bad at concealing his thoughts and feelings and Doxa is constantly aware of them and is driving him crazy with his repressed homosexual issues. Is in like. A constant state of internal screaming but he talks and types like a polite young man save for all the fucking swearing he does LMAO- surprisingly gets along with Doxa since Doxa keeps Kayne away from him. Still trying to solve his podcast counterpart’s issues and is very invested in the mysteries of it. Good for him. Somehow always manages to get me hurt while fronting.

Kayne- yes that’s right there’s a Kayne in here. You also know Kayne. All of my chaos goes into that guy for better or for worse. Used to front a lot but since I’m going through a rough time he’s been taking a back seat since he isn’t very good with delicate situations OBVIOUSLY. When he fronts he’s always up to some fuck shit. Really likes playing among us LMAO

Melkor- from the silmarillion. Tbh this guy has been dormant for a few years which is a relief because he’s like if Kayne and the king in yellow were one person. If you don’t know what that means, just imagine if a goth metal head with anger issues created the concept of chaos itself and has the powers of a god. Anyhow, he’s been locked in his mind palace room listening to metal for the past few years and I prefer to keep it that way

#system stuff #nyx shut up #I recently discovered that I’m a system and my little imaginary friend thing I have going on has a name lmao #actually did #if you don’t understand or ‘get’ system things feel free to ask. just be respectful about it #I know I’m mentally ill lmao bitch gotta cope

[genie-made-of-clouds]

Incorrect Quotes Based On What My Most Recent Fic Is About

. . .

Izuku: Mr. Aizawa, you'll be playing the role of my father.

Aizawa: I would love to.

Izuku: thats not how fathers work-

. . .

Deku: I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under...

. . .

Aizawa, pointing at Izuku: dis a son

Aizawa, pointing at Mic: dis a DJ

Aizawa, pointing at Nezu: dis a rat

Aizawa, pointing at All Might: disappointment

. . .

Izuku, staring at Shinso: I am a dumb bitch with terrible taste.

Izuku: I will never change.

Izuku: I will never improve.

Izuku: that is a promise.

. . .

Shinso: h-

Izuku: oh boy, I sure hope no one thought I was straight because oh. my. god.

. . .

Aizawa: hello, son, have you made anyone cry today?

Izuku: sadly, no. It is only 11:00, though.

. . .

Izuku, walking into the bathroom: dad, why are you in the bathroom at 3am? What are you doing?

Aizawa, holding a box of blue hair dye, and a bottle of bleach: something drastic and impulsive because I'm gay and have no impulse control. What are you doing?

Izuku, holding an electric razor behind his back: ...drugs

. . .

Aizawa: I wish you would just admit you made a mistake.

Izuku, stirring his coffee: I prefer it with salt.

. . .

Aizawa: you know... under that rough exterior, you're actually pretty nice.

Izuku: repeat that disgusting slander again, and you'll be hearing from my lawyers.

. . .

Izuku: everything's going to be fine. Its just a crush.

Shinso: hey Midoriya

Izuku: I love you.

. . .

Izuku: excuse me, I lost my dad, can I make an announcement?

Store Manager: sure!

Izuku: goodbye, you piece of shit.

. . .

Midnight: so whats it like being a dad?

Aizawa: imagine being the parent to a respectful, civilized, responsible, and mature teenager.

Midnight: Okay

Aizawa: now throw that idea through the fucking window.

. . .

Izuku: here's a fun idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, we fight whoever else is under it.

Aizawa: no-

Shinso: mistlefoe

Aizawa: don't encourage him!

. . .

Aizawa: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something.

Izuku: you left me in the Walmart parking lot like, three weeks ago.

Aizawa: I did that on purpose, try again.

. . .

Aizawa: you're a very violent child.

Izuku: yeah, but I'm short, so its adorable.

. . .

Izuku: [drops one (1) French fry]

Izuku: nooOOOooo

Izuku: this is all my dad's fault.

. . .

Izuku: sometimes I wish the earth was flat just so I could yet myself into the endless void of space.

Shinso: ...are you ok?

Aizawa: I could just end you right now, would that make you feel better?

. . .

Aizawa: Where's your dad?

Izuku, fresh and groovy: Whats a dad?

Aizawa:

Aizawa: I'll be right back. I'm just getting adoption papers.

. . .

Izuku: [comes back alive after yet another tragic accident]

Aizawa: jeez, you really do have main character disease.

. . .

Aizawa: I'm not a thug. I'm a hero!

Izuku: oh yeah? Name one law.

Aizawa: Don't kill people.

Izuku: ...that ones on me, I set the bar too low

. . .

Endeavor: oh no, I fucked up!

Izuku, deadpan: he said with surprise in his voice, for some reason.

#oh my god we're back again #midoriya izuku #or should i say AIZAWA izuku #haha dadzawa #deku is a cinnamon roll #like a cinnamon roll but extra spicy #gotta give the green bean ✨flavour✨ #mha aizawa #aizawa shota #hes so tired yall #:3 #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #my hero academia #funny #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #im giving them both problems #shinsou hitoshi #him too

[tommyssupercoolblog]

(edit: technically it's kinetic not active but u get it)

ok so turns out the "tummy hurts disease" is called "Hyperactive gallbladder" and the one (1) (only) solution is to remove our organs

....which i predicted months ago in SEPTEMBER when this started, telling our doctor "hey this seems gallbladder related"

but the doctor ignored me. and Seán (although we share a body so that's not a huge jump for him prolly). and our mom. and our grandmother, who is a retired doctor.

and we were forced to do like fifty unrelated tests and take medicine that didn't help. but now that we has like three relatives yell at him he tested our gallbladder and it's like 14 points pasts the "this is too high" mark. SIGH.

(more ranting under cut)

plus since under-active gallbladders are more common than overactive and were researched sooner, not all doctors know about them depending on when they finished school, so depending on his response we might have to email him all the studies n shit and yell at him AGAIN, so bigger sighhhh.

girl i can't eat more than 3 grams of fat without experiencing indescribable pain that renders me immobile for hours what the fuck why is this such an ordeal I just want us to be BETTERRRRRR

on top of all that, once we remove it we'll still have to eat under 3 g for a whille, and then slowly work our way up, and if we fuck up even a little bit and up the ammount too soon we risk ruining the entire healing process forever, so wether our body learns how to digest fat without this organ depends entirely on: 1- my patience and impulse control (NOTORIOUSLY HORRIBLE, Seán's is good but mine is dangerously low) *

2- our collective ability to understand when to know it's okay to eat more, considering we'll be given a rough schedule but everyone's body is different so there's no guarantee it'll be late enough if we just eat in the blocks given.

*- bonus- how often people tempt us or go "oh well maybe it's okay...you should really give it a shot haha,,, why not," which has already gotten us food related pain like three times because someone went "this can't have THAT much fat right?" and encouraged us to eat when we initially said no and then I gave in (because. no self control and also this was before we found out the exact gram ammount) and it hurt really bad

GIRL I'M SO FUCKING SCARED I'M LOSING IT

#i made a textpost #health issues #health issues vent #cw vent #tw vent #vent #health vent #health tw #health cw #diet cw #diet tw #tecnhically? #putting it there because the issues require that sort of thing to happen

[yashley]

aesthetic and fledgling tenderness aside, imogen and fearne really make me sit up simply for the fact I think their potential is so entwined in a internal way I'm unsure if they realize. imogen, with all of her conviction and apprehension, her fear and self-doubt and self-hate, the remorse and guilt that plagues her deeply rooted in the aftermath when she dips into her powers. she can’t savor the edge she has because she’s always been told, from stiff, polite expressions to outright grimaces, that her powers are what makes her... evil. her powers cast her out, her powers isolated her, her powers cost her her mother and shattered her father. imogen can’t even sleep without the promise of rest if her powers decide to torment her, she can’t even relax without her powers slipping from her control and she could hurt someone. she is a cage and she’s chained herself up out of fear, out of conviction, out of this iron will that she won’t allow herself to be swallowed by her storm.

and then you just have these little moments of natural reflex. imogen triggers a potentially fatal trap on opponents. once. twice. three times? imogen casually tosses a bomb towards other adversaries. not as an intimidation tactic, but as a casually brutal solution to an inconvenience. she has these sways of morality and these dabbing desires that nearly align with the nefarious tilt of her powers, she’s responding naturally and yet actively denying that her nature could also align with her powers.

and then fear and denial and splintering desire for control meets..... affable recklessness and brazen freedom. imogen meets someone who genuinely has no interest in the same way her own actions display. it’s not... malicious, per se? oh surely they wouldn’t do anything completely Evil, but... let’s roll the dice. let's see this “boundary” and see just how much inching until it’s not in our way anymore. fearne can do what imogen can’t let herself do, she can act now and not think later and not have her entire worth be questioned or care if her presence is cast out. fearne representing to imogen what it’d be like to act on every impulse without questioning her own character or doubt herself or fearing herself. imogen can witness fearne behave in a way she always told herself she would never steep so low to be and yet watch as fearne is smiling. imogen having all of the darkest, hurtful thoughts tearing her apart and watching as fearne glides along the precipice as graceful as she’s careless, as violent as she’s curious. for once in imogen’s life she doesn’t have someone damning her for her powers or checking her for her morality. and it’s like fearne is naturally the chaotic language imogen has always known but has never been able to speak. fearne not bringing out the best of imogen but bringing out the most ok.

#imogen x fearne #fearne not padding her thoughts on imogen's powers cos she thinks they're cool ESPECIALLY if they're a little evil is Something To Me #I am just asking for fearne slipping imogen shrooms cos she needs 2 go apeshit and then everyone's like imogen JUST went apeshit #and fearne is like wait oh uh well uh not really though right #it's like imogen would DO terrible things for laudna but i'm thinking of her Being Terrible* with fearne and i know my genre #if the ruicrew was like come with us fearne 100% would be like ok lets go and imogen would say no!! and fearne would say why!! and imogen #wouldn't have a real answer and how terrifying is that huh gen

[pizzapasta23045]

I think I saw you mention that you don’t see Diluc as autistic, and Shenhe as cluster b. I’m kinda curious now- which characters do you see as autistic/adhd, and what are some other headcanons you have for some of your favorite characters? (Because asking for the whole roster would be a bit ridiculous)

-☁️ (is this one available?)

the emoji's available don't worry, you're litterally the first!

tw mentions of trauma, suicidal thoughts, non in any detail but they're there.

Oh and yeah I have mentioned that, I actually do have some very specific hcs about them so bare with my rant.

Ok, so first of all, the autism:

Alhaitham, obviously. Have talked about this in a lot of posts. He's on the low empathy side of things, special interest is general knowledge gathering and books, plus language history.

Cyno: Also have talked about this, it's pretty obvious to me. He's the nerd kind of autistic, special interest is TCG, has a very strong sense of justice. He's not at all good at reading people but really thinks he is, has a very neurodivergent way of joking in my opinion.

Tighnari: Special interest is plants, very oversensitive to noise, doesn't find socialization particularly hard in the sense that he doesn't care to impress people/get them on his good side unlike Cyno. Special interest are fungi and shit.

ADHD:

Childe: very common hc, I think it's very true tbh. He's got a short attention span, is rather impulsive, has a hot temper and gets easily frustated. I do think he's also got like A LOT of trauma which does affect the way the ADHD shows up and shit. This hc is subject to change if we ever see his childhood in a flashback, which i think is likely.

Kaveh is an interesting case because I've seen him descibed as both autistic, adhd or straight up both. Since we will get a hangout event and voicelines i will wait to decide which i hc but in any case i feel like he's neurodivergent in some way.

Now... Shit gets weird now... /j

Scaramouche has bipolar due to abbandoment issues, which worsens after the death of the kid. He is shown to extreme mood swings, an exaggerated sense of self (his whole god thing and stuff) and poor decisionmaking. Plus, passive suicidal thoughts at some points in the narrative. It's actually an hc I've thought a lot about and I've done a decent amount of research on it because i didn't want to stereotype the disorder... so yeah...

Diluc to me strikes as more PTSD than autism mostly because I think he does understand social norms, just doesn't feel the need to follow them due to lack of care/loss of trust in people's ability to be good.

Kaeya has C-PTSD in my opinion. Which is kinda funny because the ragbros match lmao! (C-PTSD is a different/more specific version of PTSD that causes difficulty controlling your emotions, feeling very angry or distrustful towards the world, avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult and that is usually caused by prolonged trauma as opposed to one specific event like ptsd, especially if young when the trauma starts.)

I have more but I feel like I've already said a lot. If you have any questions feel free to ask!

#obvs I'm not an expert and if you have the disorder and feel i've done something inaccurate/offensive don't be afraid to tell me #always striving to learn and understand better #textpost #autism impact #inquiries to a pizza

[zappmannstuff]

The sweet indulgence of Homestuck

Ok bitches buckle down cause not only did i make some cool art for my Homestuck versions of PMD ocs, i also made LORE. So clench those buttcheeks tight, sit down and listen

So first of all i changed their names to something more fitting

Ichabod > Ikabod

Zachary > Zakary

Yamato > Yamato

Musashi > Musahi

I am VERY smart. But even though i'm smart, i will keep using their PMD names for simplicity sake

So here are some ideas and concepts i thought for them

Yamato and Musashi

The idea is that they are sort of 1 person split into 2. They were one grub and grew into two separate people.

They are gold bloods, meaning they have psychic powers. Or rather, they are supposed to. Out of the two, Yamato is the only one who has psychic powers, Musashi has none. However, Yamato can't see and Musashi can. So, he uses her as a conduit for psychic powers of sorts, as she is able to direct them towards a specific point. Yamato can use the psionics on his own of course. But since he can't direct them anywhere, he just ends up releasing bursts of psionic energy, which can be fatal to the ones in close proximity.

Yamato and Musashi are very close together. Inseparable almost you could say.

As ancestors my idea was that their bodies are forcefully joined into one, allowing them to reach their full potential. The power of family <3

Also i wanted to give them the ancestor title "The Conjoined" but it' ONE letter away. i guess if i do "The Conjoins" i could get away with it

Ico

His theme is that he is sort of a guy who is a slave to his instincts. He is impulsive and acts first before thinking much, much later. He hates his status of a low blood, and is trying to use the powers of radiation (or as he calls them, glow rocks) to change his blood color. Which at one point he succeeds at. Because of an unfortunate incident involving his glow rocks, his blood mutates into candy purple. It only gets more difficult for him to control his emotions after that.

In the ancestor version my idea was that after he mutates, he completely loses control of himself and just becomes a mindless creature with a desire to devour anything in it's path. That leads him to eating the Gl'bgolyb itself and acquiring its powers. In a way, he does fulfill his dream of becoming more than his lowly blood status, as many end up seeing him as a god afterwards. His title is "The Devourer"

Zach

He was going to have hair but I've been persuaded not to give him any. And honestly, it's a good thing. Zach being bald is one of his universal constans. Speaking of which, when Zach was first a Minecraft oc, his backstory involved him being stuck in the End. Then after i brought him into PMD, he was stuck in the Twilight Taiga (courtesy of PearSquare). So figured that for Homestuck, he could be stuck in the Outer Ring, giving him very close ties to the Horrorterrors.

So he's kinda a cannibal. And i feel like due to his relation with the Horrorterrors, he would definitely go grim dark during the session.

For his ancestor version i was thinking that he could be sort of a cult leader. He basically becomes a spokesman guy for Ico and worships him, thinking he was sent by the Horrorterrors. I imagine he was the one to who had joined Yamato and Musashi's bodies together.

His title would be "The Seamster"

Okay those are all the ideas i had, dont ask me what their typing quirks are, see you in another post. Happy Homestuck Day bitches.

#oc #original character #original design #homestuck #homestuck oc #homestuck day #4/13 #tw: blood #tw: gore #tw: body horror #zach #ico #yamato #musashi

[mybrainismelted]

A.U.gust 2023 - Day 25, Vampire

@gallavichthings

It turns out that despite his promises otherwise, letting your drunk of an uncle/father turn you into a vampire does not actually cure bipolar.  

Sure, it makes the stretches of good days longer, but that means it also makes the bad ones longer too.  And guess what?  Vampires can't absorb mood-regulating drugs by swallowing them.

At the time, it seemed like a good idea - after all, this would let us fulfill our promise to be together forever.  And the first 50 years were amazing.  We were together, we were happy, we were in love.  That's about when we realized that I wasn't actually cured.  And a manic vampire is not a pretty sight.  I'm ashamed now to admit the amount of chaos I caused.  He stayed by me though, tried to keep some of my worst impulses under control.  And it only lasted about 2 years that time.  

Then of course the inevitable downswing.  Depression is a real bitch for a vampire.  Staying in your coffin (yes, it's cliche, but Mickey likes the symbolism of it) for a year is kinda gross.  But still, he stood by my side, forced me to drink some blood he brought home whenever he could, and stayed in our coffin with me every day.  Because he loved me.

But that was a long time ago.  My swings started happening more often, and lasting for longer.  When I was in between them, I could see the frustration and despair building in his eyes.  And this time.... this time by the time the downswing came, he was gone.

I'm not sure how many years I've been lying here now.... not able to move, not able to feed myself... I'm sure I am wasted to nothing, but I can't even get up and step into the sun to end my pain.  I think that maybe this time I will lie here forever.  Alone, unwanted, and unable to move.

                                   ***********************************

It's been so long since I've seen him.  I miss him every single day.  But those last few years of his mania, he didn't seem to notice if I was there or not.  It broke my heart, but I had to leave.  I had to figure out a way to keep living.   I don't know what his mental state is now.  Is he still manic?  Is he depressed and alone?  Maybe he is finally himself again and we can talk.  I dread what I will find, but still my feet carry me forward to the home we have shared for so many years.  Is he even still here?

"Ian?"  I call out, hoping desperately for an answer.  I move slowly through the rooms, noticing that everything is dusty and looks like it hasn't been disturbed for years.  My heart breaking, I head to the lowest level, knowing the chances are slim that I will find him there.

When I see our double-size coffin still in it's place, my heart flutters - alternating between hope and despair.  I moved forward, slowly lifting the lid, and fell to my knees when I saw the horrible sight within.

He is so thin.  Just skin and bones at this point.  Leathery and pale, his glorious red hair fragile and matted. He's not moving, doesn't seem to realize I'm here.  I'm not even sure if he's alive.

"Ian?"  I whisper, reaching out to stroke his hair.  At my touch, his eyes slowly fluttered open.  He looked at me like his eyes wouldn't focus, and then suddenly they snapped to my face, and a low "Mick?"  was mumbled. "I'm here my love.  You should know by now that I will always come back to you." I admitted.  "I'm sorry I was gone so long, I was trying to find you help." I reach in and slowly help him to sit, and pull a bottle of blood from my backpack where it's been kept warm.  "This will help, and when you are stronger I can tell you what I found."  Slowly I help him drink, seeing the slightest bit of colour return to his face.  He is still so weak, but I'm here now, and everything will be ok - I finally have the answer and know how to cure him.  We really can be together forever, and be happy.

#a.u.gust 2023 #fanfic #gallavich

[aspdsolace]

hi im questioning if i may have aspd traits / symptoms of aspd that could be comorbid w/ other cluster b disorders, and i found your blog which is cool. id like to ask if there would be clarification on these symptoms since they seem kind of familiar to me if that’s ok (im trying to read up and research more on aspd but there isn’t very much as far as I know + pop psychology / ableism makes me go ‘:/‘)

- deceitfulness

[i assume this would be something like lying? but id need more information on this and an example :!)

- impulsivity

[im not very understanding of what being impulsive means :(]

- reckless disregard of the safety of oneself and/or others

[i take it more as like. physically getting into harms way? or could it appear differently?]

- consistent irresponsibility

[i take it this means like not fulfilling work obligations + school work?]

- irritability and aggressiveness

[i think i may experience some low level sense of anger but id again like some further clarification on the irritability / aggressiveness part!! and examples]

- lack of remorse

[not feeling guilt, but id like an explanation!]

thank you for your time!! - ☂️ (questioning)

yeah, pop psychology makes researching stigmatized disorders like ASPD hell; facing constant ableism for something you may have [traits of] while researching it is never fun. but, yeah, i can clarify on these traits!

everything will be under the cut, since this will be fairly long; sorry in advance for that.

deceitfulness, like you said, does include lying, but it's not solely lying, per se; it consists of tactics used to cause others to believe something that isn't true through lying or omitting information, or to bend or misrepresent the truth to your favor. people often use deceit when manipulating others, although deceit isn't always manipulation.

to expand on this, here are some examples:

deceit can vary from things like lying on job applications, to get out of work/school, to get out of social events, or avoid consequences of ones actions, all the way to gaslighting. there are a lot more ways people deceive others, but i'd rather not list them all since it could take a while.

in the context of ASPD [traits], this is often done for your own personal gain, but it doesn't always have to be, considering compulsive lying exists.

impulsivity, simply put, is acting without thinking; people who are impulsive often do things without considering what may happen afterwards when it comes to consequences and how their behavior may affect themself or others. someone who is impulsive generally lacks or greatly struggles with impulse control; when they do control their impulses, it may physically hurt to hold back. ( i know this one for a fact, it's an awful experience! i think i've seen other antisocials talk about this, as well. )

i'm not sure how else to explain impulsivity, but i can try to go more in depth on it if that isn't enough.

reckless disregard for the safety of oneself and/or others is doing risky things that may put you or others in danger; such as speeding, driving under the influence, excessive drug use, as well as participating in any sport without proper safety gear. there's also recklessness in relationships, like moving in with someone you just started dating, or going to meet someone you met online but hardly know, and so on. recklessness is a part of impulsivity, although not every impulsive person is reckless.

i personally don't deal with this trait as much as the rest, so i can't necessarily give input from personal experiences, but reckless behaviour generally does have a chance of harming yourself or others; although if anyone else wants to clarify more on this, that'd be appreciated.

consistent irresponsibility means things like, as you stated, not fulfilling work and/or school obligations, however it also includes not seeking employment despite having job opportunities available, one may not pay bills on time, or may suddenly quit their job without any plans for the future, etcetera.

an example of this is how i dropped out of high school in senior year, haven't gotten a job, and live in my moms house; even before then i was constantly skipping classes and not doing schoolwork.

irritability and aggressiveness is basically being very prone to becoming [extremely] annoyed and angry, it's often described as getting into frequent physical fights or assaults, but many antisocials [especially disabled and/or afab ones] extend this to verbal aggression such as screaming, shouting, threatening, along with breaking things, and/or other forms of nonviolent aggression; this is due to the fact that this criterion is very biased towards abled cis[het white] men.

the irritability portion of this is in reference to people with ASPD being more prone to irritability than [most] prosocials, and how we get angry, irritated, or annoyed by things that may be simple and/or inconsequential to others.

for example, if your computer lags for even a short amount of time you may get filled with explosive rage that feels uncontrollable, or if someone is acting in a way that annoys you, you may get the same feeling.

lack of remorse isn't necessarily a lack of guilt, most people with ASPD, however, don't feel either; despite lack of remorse going hand-in-hand with lack of empathy, some antisocials are able to feel some lower levels of empathy at times, whilst tending to completely or mostly lack remorse.

guilt is more of an acknowledgement that you've done something wrong and accepting the consequences that come with it, since you know that you should face them due to being guilty of wrongdoing; remorse on the other hand is a feeling of deep, painful regret and guilt for wrongdoing, and it usually elicits compassion. ( this isn't to say antisocials can't be compassionate, it's simply harder for us to get there due to our lack of remorse. ) remorse involves empathy, while guilt doesn't.

i hope this all makes sense? i'm not too sure if i'm being concise enough; apologies if i'm not, feel free to ask for further clarification on any of this if something still doesn't make sense. if anyone else would like to add on, please do.

#anon #aspd #ask box #cluster b