#i kept thinking how the fuck they didn’t go insane after arthur died

[katieheyy]

just close your eyes, the sun is going down

you’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now

come morning light, you and i’ll be safe and sound.

not long after artur’s death, come the nightmares. the queen and the magician find each other then; and while they don’t quite fit together, not really, never will, the new emptiness never filled, holding each other at night keeps them sane enough.

the nightmares still come, of course, and arthur’s still dead at the bottom of the lake. but he remains, in a way, in the two people he loved; and they guard him, his love forever safe between their warm bodies.

#merlin #mergwenthur #i kept thinking how the fuck they didn’t go insane after arthur died #and i think they did #but also that they clung together and that helped in a way #i’m not crying you are #look at the way they’re wrapped around with that red sheet #yes that’s arthur #and the gap/hole between them #that’s arthur too #merlin bbc #arthur pendragon #merthur #merlin fanart #mergwen #gwen pendragon #guinivere #guinevere pendragon #taylor swift #safe and sound

[janiedean]

ooh so linked to the Brienne ask re: the kingsguard part. What are your thoughts on Aerys’ kingsguard, especially like Arthur Dayne who Jaime from what I remember has complicated feelings for but pretty much idolises him. And they’re so loved by almost everyone in universe!!! Like idk how to think about them really my feelings for them are also complicated

+ okay good because I honestly don’t see why people love them so much like most of the things we’ve heard about them are like. Objectively bad. And like yeah the idea of them is cool but well that can only go so far. also I’m sorry if these asks are a mess I’m exhausted!! ALSO I think you’re amazing for answering all of us anons with such detail I always love coming on to your blog

(putting both asks in the same place uu)

in order: the fact that they're loved by everyone in-universe and fandom actually likes them (or at least arthur dayne hahahahaha god) is like... some of george's best trolling because guess what the entire point is that they're supposed to look like amazing people/the real deal when instead they're all terrible the end - except again for the poor martell prince whom we don't know enough about and I'll give him a pass bc martell people are usually not stupid af but in order:

as I said george has made a point of stating that knighthood is a rotten institution and the kg especially aerys being like... what should be the highest honor for a knight is equally as rotten as knigthood in general and is made of people who do Not Deserve The Title - I mean again hey it's orders so marital rape is fine, hey we're leaving the 15yo to man an entire castle? WHY NOT, the king is mad? WELL WE SWORE TO SERVE HIM, like not counting martell prince there isn't one single person in the aerys kg except jaime who actually upheld the oaths they swore ie protecting the innocent so make of that what you will

the fact that jaime aka the fifteen year old is literally the only one who gets the job and then goes there like 'hey we're basically covering for marital rape what the fuck' and no one else bats an eyelid should already say everything there is to say about these people's moral standard

the fact that none of them actually stuck up for the fifteen-year old who was obviously not ready for the job nor tried to idk do anything to make it easier on him or whatever also says everything about their moral standard because honestly fuck you

the fact that everyone thinks they're amazing jaime included when they're all pretty much shitty is like... well, same as fandom does, which means that the readers bought what people in-narrative do... except that the moment you scratch the surface it's really damned bad

and I'm saying barristan is on thin ice because from his chapters you can see he's like... not a bad dude but like his reaction to jaime being in there still when he saw aerys is 'ah that fucker who killed the king and was so proud he had to try and get into it at fifteen'? like??? fuck you?? honestly the fact that all of them literally served a dude who put people on fire and was a menace/danger to the realm and then have the gall to think that jaime is the worst or who didn't like try to help him or anything while he was obv struggling with his vows and the fact that he was serving a madman says all about their moral standards, again

and honestly arthur dayne is the literal worst of all of them because like - first of all oh you knight the 15yo who goes along with you slaying bandits and you don't try to dissuade him from joining the kg? what the fucking fuck am I supposed to think - second of all you don't even warn him of what is expecting him when he joins when you've been there for a while? - but third of all which drives me insane and I hate that fandom sleeps on it and goes around happily like ARTHUR/LYANNA THE SHIP OF DREAMS... okay listen like I have literally zero investment in lyanna as a character or in r + l and I don't necessarily think he did everything - I think they had a mutual infatuation and eloped and she sorely regretted it and then it was on r. who shouldn't have like acted on it because he happened to be the 20+ year old with a wife and kids, but there's the whole tower of joy situation - in which sorry but we have arthur fucking off KL with other kg people and leaving all the others in the literal shit bc they'd have to deal with aerys and it'd be less of them than they should be, to go with rhaegar to the tower of joy to help him elope which whatever, and then lyanna was left there after r. had to go back... when her brother and father were burned alive and like if she knew that then I doubt she'd have wanted to stay and if she didn't then they withheld fairly important fucking information, so like he stayed there guarding a pregnant 15-16 yo who most likely did not want to be there and who is pregnant by his best friend whose family oh accidentally murdered half of hers........ and lyanna was there even after rhaegar died so I mean it's not like the moment he happened this dude goes and says 'hey maybe we should actually go back and see if we can solve this mess' no he kept her prisoner there anyway - on top of that... here I'm wildly speculating but: he had to know rhaegar was dead and when ned showed up if we are to believe him and idt he was unreliable on that... ned didn't want to fight him or kill him he just wanted to get his sister and leave and like he was most likely in love with ashara aka arthur's sister so why the fuck would he want to kill him right, and like rhaegar's dead and arthur has nothing to lose by letting ned up especially knowing that lyanna is fucking dying in childbirth like she's dying her brother's there just let him up and solve it later esp when the dude doesn't want to kill you....... but no ned had to kill him because he wouldn't budge and why the fucking fuck wouldn't you budge at that point? your side lost the war, the guy you were friends with that you did all of this for is dead, the girl is about to die at least let her die with her family, why? - only thing I can deduce from it: that rhaegar told him that the baby's survival was the most important thing because third head of the dragon blah blah blah and that if the war was lost to just grab the baby and lyanna if she survived and fuck off to essos until he grew up, except that lyanna didn't survive so the conclusion is that he tried to stop ned from going up there bc he'd have found out about the baby and tried to stop them and at that point who gives a fuck if lyanna died or not but he'd have liked... let her die and kill ned in the process and done that most likely, and sorry but when they knightly vows are, I would like to remind everyone, In the name of the Warrior I charge you to be brave. In the name of the Father I charge you to be just. In the name of the Mother I charge you to defend the young and innocent. In the name of the Maid I charge you to protect all women…. like... what, what exactly has this dude done that would qualify as that? because lyanna would be young and innocent and a woman and he basically is letting her die, that behavior does not qualify as bravery and he'd like... deny the kid a chance of growing up with his family period if he killed ned and he didn't seem to particularly give a fuck las we checked, and that's like not counting the whole 'oh I won't tell the 15yo who idolizes me that he's signing

his life away to trauma nor I will support him for shit when he does' part of it, but the tower of joy stuff is shady whichever way you look at it and honestly the more time passes the more I'm convinced this guy is just a complete pos and the worst of them all except gregor when it comes to like 'people thinking you're a good knight and you're actually a pos instead' and I'm dying on that hill until george proves me wrong

and on that the thing is that... I ranted about it once here but basically jaime idolizes the shit out of him because he never saw that even if his subconscious kinda knows because when he had the weirwood dream his greatest fear was confronting the former kg and everyone was accusing him of stuff he couldn't have physically prevented (more ranting on the weirwood dream here) and he's there like 'ah I wanted to be arthur dayne but I became the smiling knight instead' but like... actually he is more of a true knight than arthur dayne can ever hope to be? because like in the above meta I was talking specifically about how to pia he's like... better than arthur dayne, but like not to be that person but jaime who thinks he's the gregor clegane of his time and not arthur dayne, while arthur dayne was... doing the shady toj thing with lyanna - saved an entire city from aerys blowing it up - risked his neck for brienne even if he didn't even like her as in he got himself kicked in a healing stump when he couldn't even stand up for himself so she wouldn't be raped - risked his neck going back for her at harrenhal and jumped into the bear pit without even knowing how he'd manage it - was actually being a decent person to tommen until c. forced him to leave - the moment he saw what happened with pia he gave her her rapist's head when she's like a commoner no one gaf about and took her into her service - when his squire wanted to bed her he like told him to be kind to her jfc - is per tyrion the only relative who actually loved him/freed him/actually stuck up for him (and tysha is on tywin thank you all very much and jaime feels so great about it he doesn't think about it until he can't anymore) (also he was the one chasing the bandits away in the first place so he was probably there like oH I HELPED A MAIDEN too lmao god fuck tywin) - actually stuck for his cat vow bc he took riverrun without bloodshed - sent brienne after sansa with the magic amazing sword because he wanted to upheld their shared vow to cat going against his own family - the moment brienne shows up like hey wanna blow this joint and leave the army you don't wanna lead to find sansa he didn't even like blink before saying yes and I'm supposed to think that in between him and arthur dayne he isn't the only one who actually stuck to his vows as well as he could/knows anything about them/is actually a trueknight™? because lmao the fact that jaime doesn't fancy himself one because of aerys when everyone fancies arthur dayne one when the latter did absolutely fucking nothing beyond slaying bandits to put his money where his mouth was while jaime didn't even like brand himself like that and still did all of that and half of it was acting on instinct not even like doing the math before and *he* was the one wanting to be knighted at fifteen and took his vows seriously when oh wait knightly vows are basically the epitome of selflessness is like again grrm trolling the hell out of everyone characters included but it's clear from the narrative imvho and I can't wait for the moment he serves the just desserts and a) jaime realizes it b) everyone else in-narrative realizes it c) bran timetravels to the fucking toj and we find out what actually went down there and this saint arthur narrative is burned to the ground because honestly no

there, I think I spat out almost all of my venom XD

#anonymous #ask post #janie writes meta #ch: jaime lannister #ch: arthur dayne #anti arthur dayne #spoilers: ALMOST because like #everyone writes fic abt arthurlyanna raising jon in essos being IN LOOVEEEE #which honestly... given the premises is like guys ship what you want but i'm skeptical #and then I had to stand through years of ppl bashing on joncon #for having done THE EXACT SAME THING WITH AEGON #but oh he was pathetic for that apparently #like take your not really veiled homophobia and go honestly #bc giving shit to joncon for stuff that arthur or barristan already ddi #and WORSE for that matter #(or ned lmao) #is just.... never mind it's been years i'm still pissed off #only good thing about 8x05 is that the joncon hatred sort of stopped #bc they realized he wasn't wasted ink #but yeah nvm that here you go anon #i'mma stop now

[thepeakygurl]

16 Shots

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Word count: 1073

Warnings: Mention of violence

Prompts: Y/N is taken hostage by a rivalry gang and Thomas goes to save you.

My first Peaky Blinders/Thomas Shelby scenario ever! I really hope you like it and hope it meets your expectations! Please don’t hesistate to give me any feedbacks. Also, my first language is not English so if there’s any grammatical mistakes please pardon me! ( requested by @irishwhiskeys thank you so much for giving me the chance to write this piece ✨ )

“Thomas, you are here!”

Polly’s voice echoed in Thomas’ head as he entered the room. An imperceptible sighed slipped from his mouth while he was cautiously taking off his jacket. If questioned just minutes before about his preference of spending the rest of the evening alone or with his family, he would have certainly chosen the second one.

However, now that every single Shelby was standing in each corner of the living room, with such a sad expression that could have saddened the happiest human being in the world, he had his doubts about that reckless and hypothetical decision. “Did Arthur attempt to kill himself again?” He jokingly asked to ease up that damn the tension. Suddenly even the room felt too small for all the concern that was in the air as a mass of black clouds in the middle of a typical day in Birmingham, but this felt nothing like a typical day.

Arthur was not laughing or screaming at him, he was sitting at the table, giving all his attention to the cigarette he kept playing with. John not so close to him, standing tall while holding Esme’s hand so tight as if he was trying to hold onto her. Thomas looked at Arthur and instantly knew that things were worse than he was imagining “Is anyone going to fucking tell me what’s going on?!” He burst out and only then Polly stood up. Her hair was a mess, she was clearly worried and if Thomas didn’t know her any well, he would have swore she shredded some tears. How of all of her expectations she became fond of you.

She handed him over a piece of wrinkled piece of paper, the same one that its content turned the Shelby’s living room into a mass funeral “They took her Tommy...” she said, her voice so broken and soft that Tommy couldn’t even read the piece of paper his eyes went instead across the room, looking for Ada and when he finally saw her, standing and with her eyes achingly looking at him, he knew it was you.

For a small amount of seconds, Thomas forgot how to speak. His throat was aching as if someone was trying to choke him and his heart has never ached like this before. He quickly read the note and he knew that only someone dumb and inexperienced could have thrown such a move. He let the piece of paper slip out of his hands as he quickly put on his jacket. “Let us come with you” Arthur said, but he didn’t stand up, he knew Thomas would told him to sit back down

“Instead of standing here like some sorts or middle aged men you should have gone after her as soon as you read this fucking piece of shit” he screamed at him as he was loading his gun that he then carefully handed and pointed out at the all room “If y/n dies, so are you” he almost whispered it out, but he was sure that even those words said in a slightly whisper was enough for his family to know that someone today was really going to die.

Lately he had received news of a new group of reckless children that were trying to play gangsters. He never looked at them as a threat, if anything he was amused, almost impressed and saddened by how someone’s ambition could aim at just being a gangster. It was dark outside, the rain was making the road slippery. A sense of guilt started to fill his bones as he got into his car and started to drive towards the pub, where the paper indicated him to go. He told you a million times that this life was not meant for you, that you were meant to live a peaceful and meaningful life, perhaps apart, but you and your stubbornness couldn’t just let it go. You have to prove yourself, started to work with the family and put yourself at risk. He couldn’t believe he did that to you, he couldn’t believed you were taken hostage because of his own ambition and pride. He felt his hands shake onto the wheel of the car, which made him grab onto it tight as he approached the pub. Stepping out of the car, Thomas didn’t take out his gun, he instead put his hand inside his pockets as he entered the pub. The place usually filled with laughter and tipsy people was now empty, except for the bartender behind the bar, held at gun point by some kid that could have honestly have the same age as Finn. Such a pity, he thought.

His eyes went across the room were a smiling young gentleman welcomed him. “We were honestly starting to think that this one wasn’t really worth it for you” he said in a laughter, looking over his should where you were also being held at gun point, some man with a dreadful smell covering had his arm around your throat and his gun pointed at your head. When your eyes met Thomas’ you could tell he was angry, but you also felt something else, something his eyes have never told you before. Thomas attention was once again reversed to the young gentleman “I usually attend business not blackmails” he said, he had to use all his self control in order to maintain his calm and not killing the bastard right away “Do you want to talk about business or can we go?” He proceeded to ask.

The young gentleman laughed again, an horrible laugh that made both Thomas and y/n almost rolling their eyes. “Mr. Shelby you should know best. You had your chance to consider my offer, now the offer is out of the table”

Thomas chuckled, his hand came out of his pockets which made everyone tense, the young gentleman looked at the man holding on y/n and the second one proceeded on loading his gun “Gentlemen” Thomas said to gain their attention, as he showed the cigarette in his hand that he then lit, as he thought before reckless and inexperienced they were indeed. “Now then, I will give you my offer. You will let the girl go and you will take your shit and your little milk drinker gang’s shit and you will vanish. How does that sound eh?” He said with the cigarette slowly burning out in his lips.

“Not good enough Mr. Shelby, not good enough” the young gentleman responded to the offer and he then handed out his gun pointed directly to Thomas, your heart stopped beating for a second as you saw the bastard loading his gun, but Thomas didn’t flinch, not even when the door burst open and Arthur came in all smiling “Starting a party without me I see? How rude”

While everyone was now holding their gun at Arthur, John was successful into entering from the back silently, he was just behind you and the man which he then grabbed by the collar and knocked him out with just a punch “I think they forgot to send our invitation” he then said, he looked at you and said something about getting out of there but you couldn’t. The room burst into chaos. Suddenly the kid threatening the live of the bartender was now being beaten by Arthur, the guy John punched was now coming to his senses and John couldn’t help himself but starting to play again, while Thomas was trying to take the gun out of the other’s one hand. He succeeded on the first try as the young gentleman was now trembling in fear trying to hold his tears. But this pitiful sight was not enough, Thomas felt all his anger coming back, all his self control leaving his body as he started to hit him with his very own gun. You looked at the scene, incapable of moving a single muscle. That was the kind of situation that Thomas didn’t want you to see, this wicked side of him that he was so afraid to show you was now revealed. Drowning in its own blood, you reckoned he was just a kid, a kid playing adult and you couldn’t help now but running towards Thomas and begging him to stop. Thomas however didn’t hear you, he was too busy taking the life out of the piece of garbage that tried to take you from him. And you saw it, you saw the life of the guy coming out of his body, begging for mercy so you had to kneel down and scream his name, forcing his face in your hands “It’s over Thomas, we are alright” and you specified we, because that was what it was all about. You and him. You were trying to prove yourself to him and he was trying to protect you.

Thomas was breathing heavily now, looking at you as lost as he has ever felt. The thought of loosing and never being able to see you again almost drove him insane. He tried to say something, he really tried to open his mouth and say that he was sorry, that he was desperately sorry, but he didn’t have too as you whispered I know, it’s ok. He stood up, helping you doing the same and here he just hold you onto his arms, as tight as possible. His face hiding in your neck while he allowed himself to kiss your skin and he sighed, relieved that he could do such a thing. You smiled again his chest.

“You lovebirds, can we go home now?” Asked Arthur, his hand socked in blood as he looked at you two with a big smile on his face. You laughed a little while Thomas was giving him a hard stare.

“Get yourself a room eh?” Were John’s word of wisdom as he and Arthur left the pub.

Thomas chuckled “Maybe we should get a room." He said and has soon as your cheeks turned into a bright red he laughed as well softly.

“Maybe we should” you whispered in a breath and once again, you saw a new emotion on Thomas’s eyes. Something you couldn’t quite describe just yet, but you knew it would lead to something quite interesting.

#thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x y/n #thomas shelby x oc #thomas shelby #thomas shelby scenario #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby headcanon #thomas shelby imagine #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fandom #peaky blinders fluff #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders fic

[nextstopparis]

Destiny and What It Meant for Merlin’s Relationships (IN MY OPINION!!!):

aka A Discussion about Merthur that Very Quickly Devolved

[disclaimer: god lets fucking hope third times the charm.. anyways, i saw something that made me defensive over merthur bc it kept comparing them to other relationships merlins had and using destiny to downplay them, and that led to this. so i bring up merthur a lot. this talks about destiny in merlin’s relationships, and then relates them back to merthur. this doesn’t attack any ships, i promise! it’s literally just me drawing up comparisons where destiny is concerned and then it starts talking more about destiny’s role in feelings, so. 5.3kish it keeps getting longer wtf word count up ahead… very incoherent… i may have gone a little insane. read at own risk] (also, endless amounts of thanks to @queer-clotpole and @once-and-future-dawn for finding that link &also for sending this back to me after tumblr deleted it….u guys r literally the bestests)

okay, one of my biggest pet peeves is the insinuation that merlin only really cared about arthur/loved him (in whatever way) because of destiny. ive already written about this here on someone elses post, but i also just wanted to add another few points: if that were true, literally all of merlin’s character digression in season 5 would make absolutely no sense???

if nothing else, season 5 showed how much merlin started prioritizing arthur over and despite destiny. he literally!!! went completely against any plan of action - even/especially regarding legalizing magic - in order to save arthur. thats what makes season five (and consequently the entire show) so hard to watch!!! because if only merlin had cared a little less about arthur/if he’d played into destiny a little more and followed it, then magic would’ve been legalized and arthur probably wouldn’t have died!!! if merlin only loved arthur because of destiny, then how could he have disregarded destiny so thoroughly for him? yeah, destiny brought them together, but it didn’t bring them any closer. as i said in the other rant: merlin’s destiny was to help arthur unite albion/bring magic back to the land (“without you, Emrys, Arthur cannot build a new world we all long for.” 5.10). he didn’t have to care about arthur? he only had to care about 1)helping him unlearn his hatred for magic, and 2) making sure he survived long enough to do something about that change of heart. merlin had several chances to do this, and yet forwent all of them because there was a possibility that arthur - his friend, not his destiny - would die. (i think we all are thinking the same thing, here: 5.05 in That One Heartwrenching Scene).

another thing: by reducing merlin/arthurs bond (however you want to think of it) to a mere product of destiny, one would also imply that destiny was only in play with arthur and merlin/that they were the only ones who had destinies or were involved in a particular destiny, which just wouldn’t be true at all?? let me explain: im going to take four people merlin was very close to and use them as examples, aside from arthur (also, please note that if you ship him with any of these people, im in no way trying to attack that!!! i love merlin with a lot of them, im not discrediting them! actually im saying why this particular argument doesnt work against any ship because it applies to all of them):

Lancelot: lancelot was foretold to be in merlin/arthurs lives, as heard by kilgharrah in 4.02, making him part of merlin’s destiny. see: “sir lancelot, the bravest and most noble of them all.” …see also in 4.02 at the isle of the blessed: it wasn’t arthur’s time to die, but it also wasn’t merlin’s. this left lancelot (or gwaine) to sacrifice themselves in order to save camelot (since that was the original goal) which needed to be done in order for the golden age to come, this directly links him to merlin/arthurs destiny. (“your time among men is not yet over, Emrys.” *looks pointedly at Lance, about to walk through the veil, almost as if she knew this was gonna happen*). what i’m trying to say is: someone was going to die that night so that albion would have a future. destiny ensured that it was neither arthur nor merlin by virtue of needing them later for their own destinies. it also wasn’t gwaine. by law of elimination, if destiny called for a single person to die, and took away ¾ of the choices, then it’s a fair assumption to say that lancelot was almost ‘destined’ to die there, no? you could argue that any other knight could’ve gone, but then - destiny is like, the master of putting the exact person it needs in the exact place it needs them in. also - lancelot was the only one who knew what merlin was planning on doing. If any other knight had gone, merlin would have sacrificed himself, and we already know destiny can’t have that. [so, by logic of reducing merlin/arthur’s relationship to only a product of destiny and nothing more, you’d also have to reduce Lancelot’s sacrifice and loyalty/love for merlin here to destiny, too, which is just grossly unfair.]

Gwaine: gwaine was also foretold to be in their lives, as heard in 3.08. see: “courage, magic, and strength.” - arthur needed gwaine there in order to complete ‘one of the most important’ tasks in a prince’s life; the ultimate deciding factor of whether they’re fit to be a king or not. now, you can debate the merits of how much it actually would’ve affected arthur’s ascension to the throne, since he was the only recognized heir, but the way they amp it up was: you die or you complete it, and if you do neither of those things then no one will actually think of you as a worthy king. arthurs destiny of being ‘the once and future king’ would’ve thus taken a huge blow. he needed to prove himself, otherwise what good is a king no one thinks is worthy? what good is a king dead before he even becomes one? so, merlin and him needed gwaine there in order to 1) help arthur with his destiny of becoming a respected king n uniting albion and 2) help merlin’s destiny of not only helping arthur become king, but also of helping arthur save albion (“…for this is not arthur’s quest, but yours.” 3.08)/bring magic back. hence courage and magic not only needing each other, but also needing strength. this makes them all a part of  each others destiny. [so since gwaine was destined to be in merlin and arthurs lives as much as they were meant to be in each others^, does that mean you have to disregard his loyalty and love for merlin (+arthur later on) with the previous logic of merlin&arthurs relationship not being as authentic ~bc of destiny~?]

Freya: once again, also in merlin’s life as a product of destiny. see: 3.08 with the bit about the fisher king (“…water from the lake of avalon. I have kept it safe these years waiting for the right person to claim it, and that is you. for you are the chosen […] albions time of need is near. […] your powers are great, but you will need help”) , and then cut to  3.12 when merlin sees her spirit is in the water and she gives merlin the sword. her interference is literally the only thing that ensured their victory over the immortal army, once again making sure that camelot actually has a future for the “uniting albion” bit to take place. this, again, makes her a direct player in all this destiny business. so she, too, was destined to be in merlin’s life - does that also reduce their bond in 2.09 to something that they had no choice over?

Elyan: who was also foretold (i think this also implies the rest of the knights being part of the destiny as well). see: “heed my words with due concern, for one of you will not return.” in 5.06, The Dark Tower episode. I think the mere fact that Elyan’s death was known shows that he was part of the destiny. you might also be able to say that this might not have been specifically Elyan but rather just any one of the knights. thats why i think this is an indicator that all the knights were part of the destiny, too. (idk why the fuck he had to die - but his life of being a knight [+all the others’] in arthur and gwen and merlin’s camelot was, still, a foretold part of merlin and arthur and gwens destinies. does that reduce their found family? their brotherhood?).

we always say how “arthur was merlin’s destiny”, but he wasn’t. helping arthur was, and that is not the same thing, because the first one implies that no one else was part of merlin’s destiny. which, as i try to explain with the above four examples, is just not true; they all had a role in merlin’s destiny. they were all ‘foretold’ just as arthur had been. they are not separate from destiny; they’re not an escape or an exception, they’re a part of a whole.

furthermore, there’s:

That One Old Guy in 3.05. see: “the moment of our meeting has been written for many, many years”

That Other Guy About To Die in 5.01. see: “i have been haunted by this moment for many years. since long before you set foot on this earth, Emrys.”

Finna in 5.10. see: “it is my destiny, Emrys, to serve you until the end.”

they didn’t even play a huge role in merlin’s life, and yet their destinies still put them in his path because they were intertwined. everyone that merlin met who contributed to his destiny was part of his destiny. whoever was there, was meant to be there.

my point with the above is: destiny is not an independent or singular event, particular to a very small set of people. in my opinion, the big destiny is albions future, and then everyone else has their own roles in bringing it about. it’s like, a destiny containing a subset of other destinies that will eventually fully complete it. yes, some people had a more relevant role in the grand scheme of things and were more closely intertwined than others, but they were all linked together. merlin’s destiny didn’t revolve around gwaine, lancelot, elyan, freya, or really anyone else, but it did incorporate them significantly - they were still a part of merlin’s and albion’s destiny, just as he was a part of theirs. ^merlin still needed each of those people at one point of his life in order to complete his destiny/get it to a specific point, just like he needed arthur and gwen and mordred and finna and literally anyone else. this means that no one role is more or less significant. (taylor swift asked it best: ‘if one thing had been different, would everything be different?’ to which this show implies, repeatedly, that the answer is yes. so many things could go differently if any one instance went differently, so they’re all equally important^. that’s why they were put in merlin’s path (but that’s not why they stayed). think of this: if gwaine hadn’t been there on merlin/arthur’s quest in 3.08, they wouldn’t have been able to complete it (“that’ll be--” “your friends, courage and strength, I know. without their help, you would not be here” 3.08), and camelot would’ve been doomed. think of all those little decisions merlin made that directly led to arthur’s downfall, if one of those things didn’t happen, would arthur have died? could arthur have been saved? aithusa is one example i never stop thinking about - what if merlin hadn’t named her? what if kilgharrah had looked after her? what if merlin didnt try to save her life in 5.01 by telling her to go?)

so all that being said, how can you reduce one relationship as ‘against what they would’ve wanted without destiny’ without doing the exact same thing to all the other relationships? destiny’s role in all the other ones was equally important, so…?

and i guess one argument that comes to mind straight away is that there’s an inverse relationship between the relevancy of one’s role in a destiny and the authenticity of their choices: the more central the role, the less their choices are really choices, because the more destiny needs to control them. in terms of actions*, all i can say is: destiny is probably going to dictate someone’s actions if they venture too far away to complete the destiny (because i do think there’s flexibility within its confines), but in terms of relationships, i think i can make an argument. here’s the thing: i really, genuinely believe that there is no possible way your destiny can make you feel an emotion. “but, nextstopparis, later on near the end of this, don’t you literally talk about how overwhelmed and trapped merlin felt because of destiny??” yes, reader, you’re right. but in my opinion, that wasn’t destiny’s fault. that was the way some figures in merlin’s life (*cough* kilgharrah *cough*) chose to present destiny. do you really think merlin would’ve felt so trapped and overwhelmed if the news was broken just a little bit gentler? If so much significance wasn’t put on it when he was being told? if he didn’t know at all? i don’t think so. he doesn’t feel trapped in his destiny because he has one, he feels trapped because he was told he has one.

ok, now back to my original point: i don’t think destiny can make you feel an emotion. you might tell me that the more two peoples’ destinies are intertwined, the bigger role they have in each others lives, and thus more exposure to each other which would equal more of a chance that they’ll get close. and that, you could argue, would be a direct manipulation and not very much of a “real connection”, but i ask you: do you really think that’s possible? just because you spend more time with someone (willingly or not) will you automatically grow fond of them? i think that if you don’t get along with someone, you just. dont get along with them. if anything, being that close all the time might make you dislike them/hate them even more? so, if destiny can’t force you to get along with people^ and consider them as friends, then merlin was just as likely to devote himself to arthur/love arthur without destiny as with it, right? this also applies to his relationships with literally everyone else. merlin got along with them. he chose to keep them around as friends. but…“nextstopparis, maybe since he knew about his and arthurs intertwined destinies, he felt obligated.” obligated? to? be his friend…? why would he feel obligated into caring about him, when at most his destiny asks him to save arthur a lot? i can understand merlin feeling responsible for arthurs life because of the knowledge. but? feeling obligated to care for him??? to love him??

actually, that’s a good point. let’s try and hypothesize what would’ve happened if merlin didn’t know about his destiny with arthur, thus there being no chance of having this sense of obligation to love him to see if their relationship would’ve changed:

merlin would’ve still been at the feast/banquet because gaius took him

he would’ve still saved arthurs life - since thats just a human decency thing??

ewther would still have made him arthurs manservant

they would’ve ended up in literally the exact same position as in the first episode.

now, what about the argument of “ok, he might’ve still gotten the job, but since he felt no obligation brought on by the knowledge of the destiny, he wouldn’t have stayed.” which i will say, is very plausible. i don’t believe this though (for a few reasons), because literally on his third/fourth day, he tells gaius he’s enjoying the job (“is it my imagination, or are you beginning to enjoy yourself?” *scoffs defensively* “i-it isn’t totally horrible all the time” 1.02… mm ok bby downplay it all u want). not to mention, in that same episode he gets fired. he gets fired and it hurts his feelings and he wants his job back (that smile when arthur says ‘im rehiring you’ - you know the one). it’s not a desperate sort of need that would come with obligation, it’s just something he wants. he just… likes working for arthur. this happening is independent of his knowledge of destiny (he hates it at first anyways, then slowly grows to enjoy it. also: he didn’t even rlly care about destiny at this point, so all of his decisions are of his own volition), so we can safely assume that this same thing would’ve happened without the knowledge of his destiny. so, continuing:

him and arthur would’ve still started bonding

he would’ve stayed in his job*

they would’ve still gotten as close as they did - just maybe without merlin’s pep-talks of “i believe in your destiny” before battles since he didn’t know about destiny

so now you’re thinking “but didn’t you also say that one difference *cough* in this case, merlin not knowing destiny *cough* leads to everything else being different, too? except…the way you’re talking makes it seem like nothing would be that different if merlin hadn’t known??” yes! yes i did say that, reader, and here’s the thing: i think that if merlin didn’t know about the destiny, everything important to the destiny would be different. think about it: as one example, he wouldn’t have been so suspicious of mordred all the time. and he wouldn’t have been so adamant on killing mordred to save arthur. since that was the thing that sealed arthur’s fate (5.05), id say it was a pretty important event to destiny, thus it makes sense that it would have changed. i just don’t think how merlin’s relationship with people progressed mattered to destiny at all. if they were there, that’s all that mattered. it didn’t matter why or how they were there, just that they were. thats why (i think, using what little logic I have to draw up hypothetical events,) it seems that merlin’s relationship with arthur wouldn’t have changed - because they could’ve been at a professional distance the whole time and completed the destiny. they could’ve complimented each other all the time and completed the destiny. it didn’t matter how they viewed or treated or cared for one another, as long as they got things done. their relationship wasn’t ultimately important, so with the difference of merlin not knowing his destiny, it wouldn’t have been affected at all (at least, not much/drastically). this reiterates the point im trying to make about their relationship being just as authentic as the next one.

[*now, let’s talk about this post, because destiny might not care about people’s relationships, but it cares a lot about people being in the right place (see: lancelot) at the right time. you can use this to say: “so what if destiny did make merlin love arthur with some, like, voodoo shit? because it needed him to stay close to arthur, and making him love arthur is the surest way to do that, right?” well, reader, let’s see. this is one part where the post comes in because it talks about how merlin - in the earlier seasons - did anything/ tried to take every possible escape from his destiny as he could, and how he really was not all that reserved about leaving it behind, giving examples from the lady of the lake, the witchfinder, the moment of truth etc. (please go read it - it’s so so so so good). so then, if destiny did make merlin fond of arthur to get him to stay…it backfired pretty fucking horribly? if merlin was made to care about arthur the way he did just to stay close to him…...why did he want/try to leave several times, then? so now you might be thinking “ok, nextstopparis, i’ll grant you the fact that he wasn’t forced to care about arthur here, but what if his repeated attempts to escape then lead to destiny forcing him to care?” well, honestly? the only thing i can think to say to you is: then why would destiny even bother? i think we can all agree here that destiny isn’t capable of caring about anything but itself, so if it had the power to make sure everything went by without a hitch, why wouldn’t it just exercise that power from the beginning? why risk waiting until something threatening happens to make sure it won’t happen again? it’s not like it’s a dictator trying to prove it’s “nOt tHaT baD!1!!1″? furthermore, it’s not like merlin would have known either way for destiny to even want to hide its power from him?? what could possibly be the point in waiting and risking everything, before making sure nothing goes wrong?? i think the real divide here comes with how much power you afford to destiny. i genuinely do not think destiny has power over people, just over events. it is, after all, itself just a major event waiting to happen, no? therefore, it seems impossible to me that merlin (or anyone else) could be made into feeling a certain way. this, i don’t think is either provable or disprovable? (but correct me if im wrong!!!). so anyways, all that being said, we can therefore, (mostly) safely conclude that destiny didn’t make anyone love anyone. (also: there you have it with the ‘obligation had nothing to do with how much he cared’ because he didn’t have a sense of obligation (“at least not yet” - which he later developed in s5, but by then he already cared for arthur enough to make it - in terms of their relationship - insignificant)).

so, anyways, the gist of the post is about how it wasn’t ooc of merlin to want to run away with freya, because he just really wanted an out from how trapped he felt with destiny. you should really go read it yourself, but it talks about how merlin’s primary motivation in the earlier seasons was to be loved - no obligation to destiny, no obligation to arthur. (i agree so hard with this). now you’re probably thinking, “then why’d you assume that merlin would stay in his job if he didn’t know? he might’ve liked it at first, but now you just said that he was trying to leave it even when he did know. wouldn’t leaving be easier to do, not knowing destiny? doesn’t that then mean arthur and merlin wouldn’t have grown so close, since he’d be able to leave, meaning their relationship would be different. and if it’s different in this case, then it is important to destiny, right? and since it’s important to destiny, it could’ve very well been fabricated.” but would it be easier to leave, reader? i did say he was trying to leave the job and that their relationship wasn’t ultimately important in the grand scheme of things and that destiny couldn’t make them feel a certain way, but i also said that destiny cares a hell of a lot about people being where they are supposed to be, and having the power to change events.

consider: in 1.10, merlin offers to stay in ealdor when speaking with hunith at the end of it. this is a direct instance of merlin wanting to leave his destiny, but ultimately not doing so. perhaps if he did not know about destiny, he would’ve fought his mom harder - perhaps he would’ve stayed in ealdor for longer. but just because we are pretending that he doesn’t know about destiny, does not mean destiny isn’t at play. do you really think that the same destiny that had a hand in killing freya to stop merlin from leaving camelot (this isn’t canon but it might as well be, ok?), would’ve allowed merlin to stay in ealdor? destiny might not care how merlin and arthur felt about each other (not that it would’ve been able to do anything about it, anyway) but it did care (and could control) that - at least geographically - they were near enough to get their destinies done. so, no. merlin wouldn’t have left his job - he may’ve wanted to, but i don’t think he would’ve been able to, whether he knew about destiny or not.

so now, i ask you again, because i’m pretty sure i know what you’re thinking: knowing his destiny or not, does merlin and arthurs forced proximity automatically lead to their love for each other?  do you have to love everyone you spend a portion of your life with? someone who you might believe you’re supposed to love? [it’s not exactly the same thing, but think toxic friends. maybe you do worship them while stuck in the friendship, but upon leaving it, that all changes, right? so let’s say this was a case of merlin only loving arthur because he thought he had to (even though we already explained away any ‘obligation’ arguments). merlin had… 1500 years… to reach the point of “i didn’t love him, i was forced into thinking i did”. and yet? 1500+ years and he’s still pining?? he probably met so many amazing people during that time, and had so many amazing experiences (aus where merlin is happy before arthur comes back>>>), but he still missed arthur and waited for him, because that relationship was fucking special and real.]  is love so trivial that the simplest manipulation can imitate it so thoroughly?

you might be thinking “nextstopparis, that’s horrible! how is destiny not letting merlin leave arthur any better?” it’s not. it’s fucked up and it sucks ass and it’s probably the most unfair thing about destiny. but that’s not the point of this post. the point isn’t to defend destiny, it’s to explain it. the point of this post is to tell you - yes, this sucks and yes, it’s horrible but it’s also not isolated. remember how everyone in merlin’s life was meant to be there? that means that everyone in his life would’ve been affected the same way. this is not just an issue with arthur/merlin, this is an issue with everyone ever. merlin loved everyone in his life just because he loved them. but no matter who they were, he wouldn’t have been able to leave them before it was ‘time’ - there was never more choice in that department with any one relationship. destiny didn’t force one relationship to progress, and then leave all the others alone, because it had equal sway in everything that was a part of it.

so now that we’ve established that there was nothing bonding merlin and arthur together other than themselves/their compatibility, let’s talk about destiny’s hand in freya’s death. hell, let’s talk about arthurs, and hope to drive the point home. merlin could have responded so differently to freya’s death by arthurs hand. he could’ve been so angry and cold and distant. it would have been so easy to just. stop responding and to emotionally distance himself from arthur at this point - i mean, he had every reason. the post i mentioned also talks about how arthur’s ‘1 step forward/2 steps back’ tango with his relationship with magic hurt merlin over and over. - how much it repeatedly let merlin down. every string keeping him with arthur was worn so thin - his one immediate/definite chance of happiness was gone, he fully believed he’d never be accepted for who he was, arthur had (unknowingly) betrayed him again, arthur had let him down again, destiny still wasn’t worth everything, destiny felt too far away - that he had every reason to just..shut off from arthur completely. and yet... he didn’t. whatever my opinions are on freya/merlin, in the show it’s obviously meant to be canon that they felt very strongly (idk about love) about each other. so to lose her because of arthur and yet still to forgive him? to be betrayed like that by arthur (knowingly or not), and yet to not hold it against him? (this actually reminds me of that doctor who quote: “do you think i care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”) to see, with his own eyes, that destiny seems to be failing and yet still believe in arthur and stay with him?  is that really an emotion so insignificant that it can be falsified this meticulously?]

that got a little long, but now you might be back to thinking “ok, fine, nextstopparis, now say we’re assuming you’re right, and that merlin not knowing about his destiny/not feeling trapped because of it would’ve still resulted in as strong a bond for merlin/arthur as with the knowledge. that doesn’t change the fact that it was still an omnipresent force bringing them together in the background, so i still think it’s was never a real choice for merlin and arthur to be together.” to which i reraise my previous opinions of, ok reader, yes, but also - 1)their physical proximity had no correlation to the intensity of their relationship(as we’ve already talked about in great detail), so what does that matter, and 2)that logic is also then true for everyone in merlin’s life, because every single person in merlin’s life, just like arthur, was also part of that destiny. therefore, the exact same logic applies, which then means that no one relationship began “more authentically” or “more as a choice” compared to the others.

It wasn’t “arthur for merlin because destiny made sure it was no one else” it was “arthur for merlin because merlin chose to have arthur as more than a destiny.”

to summarize: i think every single person in merlins life was there because of destiny. yes, it sucks that he sometimes felt trapped and yes it was completely unfair how overwhelmed he was all the time, but that in no way reduces the authenticity of any of his relationships with people. they were put in his life to help him with something, but he chose how they fit there. destiny was brought up too much with too much emphasis on its importance which is what made it all so overwhelming for merlin, but…honestly? im starting to believe more and more that destiny is more of just. a push in a direction you wanted to go in, anyways. this is why i believe that ‘this show is the epitome of the quote “i do believe in fate and destiny, but i also believe that we are only fated to do the things we would choose, anyway.” by Kiersten White.’  this is also why i believe thinking destiny is anything else within the context of the show would make it a lot more depressing.

so please. PLEASE! stop reducing merlin’s relationships to an unfortunate effect of destiny. give him the respect of acknowledging that at the very least he was able to choose who he loved.

I also want to say that this post is only to show that merlin and arthur’s relationship/love for one another (platonic or otherwise) was just as valid and just as beautiful and just as real as merlin/arthur’s relationships with everyone else. it was just as untouched by destiny. you can debate the merits of “better ships” all you want, but i just don’t think destiny is an argument you can use in those debates (u know, common factor and all), unless im missing something?

anyways, idk if this makes sense or if this is even an actual argument, but i see a lot of people play the destiny card negatively for one thing but then completely ignore the fact that it applies to literally everything else, too, so i just needed to write this. it might be wrong on every level and a bit incoherent and also i repeat myself a lot but. i literally only have 0.03% more of a braincell than arthur so you literally cannot judge me. this is also completely just my opinion/thoughts and is thus very susceptible to errors of a gigantic size. so. i might be (probably am) missing a lot of important points. especially considering how biased/defensive i am where merthur is concerned jdiosjeoiejfsekl. omg

if you read this far: i am SO sorry, oh my god. do you still have brain cells?? they may have died with each word here…. n e ways idk if anyone will read this - im hoping to GOD not, but if you do and want to criticize my entire existence…fair… but pls b gentle abt it im sensitive. i tried to think of as many counterarguments as I could.

ok, thx 4 reading!

#this better fucking work #im so annoyed #i dont even have anything to say my head is completely empty #which probably means that this is all complete bullshit #hey if ur reading this I hope u enjoyed it took a lot out of me sjiejsefoisj #imagine... all that soul crushing and I get 1 note and its MYSELF lmao #bbc merlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #destiny #merlin meta #merthur meta #VERY LONG #sorry if there r spelling mistakes

[starrynite7114]

things you never knew: five

A/N: I’ve had this ready for a few days, no idea why I waited, but it’s here now! Enjoy this update! Hope you all are enjoying this story as much as I am!

TYNK: Characters one : two : three : four

Word count: 5856

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Thank you again @carlaangel86​ for making this for me! <3

Ailee groaned as Arthur tended to her wounds, laying on her side as he applied cream on the scars that she sustained with the whip that Theo used on her. It was a torture tactic in case she was captured by the enemy. He whipped her twenty five times every other week to build her tolerance. They didn’t hurt less, she just reacted less. The tears have stopped as crying upset Theo greatly. 

And she was exhausted.

Tears weren’t doing anything for her.

The only time she cried was when she would dream of Angel, praying and hoping for this hell to end.

“You’re progressing well.” She heard Arthur compliment her as he applied the cream on her back. “I don’t know how to help you Ailee.”

Arthur was a Maquina agent that Jin installed in Theo’s company. He made his way up after saving Theo’s life in a failed assassination attempt. He made his way up the ladder rather quickly and was now his right hand man. At times, Ailee was skeptical to trust him as he’s been undercover for nearly three years. Theo was charismatic and took care of the people he cared for, but he was also harsh. Though from their interactions, Theo always seemed to listen to Arthur’s advice. 

“You can’t.” Ailee felt the tear fall, running over the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“Don’t do this for Angel, he’s not worth it.” Arthur knew what Theo held over his sister’s head and it was despicable. He reported to Jin that Theo was threatening Angel’s life, but it seemed that he didn’t care much for Ailee’s boyfriend. 

‘The loss of his life would propel her to come work for Maquina.’

The way Jin and Theo played with Ailee’s life, not caring how much they hurt her, it was despicable. Family was an excuse both used to explain their actions, that they cared for Ailee, they loved her. But this wasn’t what family was about. At least by his definition. Manipulating Ailee to fight for their cause, it was despicable. 

“To me he is, Angel has been the only constant in my life that has never required anything from me besides being myself.” She gripped the sheet as Arthur stitched up her new laceration she sustained. 

“Angel wouldn’t want you to suffer like this.”

“No, but if I lose him, I would lose my grip with reality. He’s the only person holding me down.” 

“At least let me tell your brothers where you are so they can come see you.”

“No,” she choked out. “That would upset Theo and it might blow your cover.” She never felt so helpless before. The only way she could escape was to become what Theo wanted her to be. Theo wanted her to be perfect. To kill with no qualms, to be able to surpass John.

She knew that eventually he would ask her to kill John for what occurred with his father.

‘They would never be able to kill you. You’re the one thing that John and Vince will never kill. You have to become better than them.’

Maquina provides the base model for Theo. She knew how to hold a gun, to fight, to escape tricky situations and to adapt to her surroundings.

Now, Theo was perfecting the skills she learned at Maquina. To be able to kill with whatever surrounded her or her bare hands. To be able to roam in the dark with no guidance. To not fear death or anything she used to fear.

The one fear he couldn’t get rid of was losing Angel and he used that to his advantage. 

So many times Ailee thought that ending her life would make this nightmare end, but all she could think of was Angel, what would happen to him if she did end her life? Felipe and EZ couldn’t lose another person. That would be too much life lost for a lifetime. 

She had to hold on.

She had to withstand it.

For Angel she would.

===============

Ailee sat on her bed, Melody sitting in front of her. She was brushing her daughter’s hair, Alexander sitting at the head of the bed. 

“She has Angel’s eyes.” Ailee loved looking at Melody’s eyes, because it reminded her of Angel’s. Whenever she missed him most all those years ago, she would hold Melody in her arms, look into her eyes and feel at home again.

“Has he reached out to you?” Alexander questioned, watching how Ailee softly brushed Melody’s hair, making sure that she didn’t get the brush caught on her implant.

Melody has a cochlear implant that she had placed at four years old. She was born with congenital deafness due to a chemical that was induced during the pregnancy, Ailee’s pregnancy. Melody was a twin, but due to a drug that induced abortion, her twin died. Melody survived. 

Ailee was pregnant when she was arrested. She had found out that day and was going to tell Angel, she was four months along. Theo found out she was pregnant and due to his disapproval of Angel, gave her water that was laced with the drug. It was successfully worked on one of the babies, but Melody hung on and due to this, she developed the condition.

Thankfully, Melody was able to get the cochlear implant so she can hear. Her speech needed help, but Ailee had the best working on her.

A secret she kept from Angel all these years knowing that if her brother found out that Ailee had given birth to Angel’s child, it would place a target on her back. So she decided to pretend that it was a child she adopted in Europe, letting her stay with a family friend while Ailee racked up the bodies all around Europe. If she made herself look invincible, into the monster Theo wanted her to be, he wouldn’t fuck with her or Melody.

So she made the elaborate lie that she was adopted, when in reality, Melody was her and Angel’s child. Her brothers helped her cover her secret along with Jin. She didn’t mean to withhold Melody from Angel and she didn’t. Melody knew who her father was, she never hid that. 

“No, he won’t. Why should he?” Ailee hoped Angel didn’t reach out to her, there was no reason to do so.

“You know why you agreed to this, you wanted Angel to meet Melody. You didn’t agree to this at the farce of your half-brother possibly being here.” Alexander knew the truth. This was Ailee’s way to go home, so she fed the intel that Theo may be at the border communicating through the rebel group. It was a farce, a dangerous one at that, but once Melody met Angel, her conscience would be cleared and they could leave again.

This was the best way for Melody to be protected, by having Maquina around. As much as she despised the organization, she saw the benefits that it provided. By saying that Theo could possibly be around, Maquina would provide their agents and resources to assure that Theo doesn’t make any headway in America. It was a terrible farce but this was the way Melody could meet Angel. 

“I know, I just, he’s going to hate me.” And maybe she was frightened she would be rejected. From her understanding he had something going on with the rebel leader. The last thing she wanted was to disrupt Angel’s life. He was better without her, without her troubles and fallacies. 

“Angel could never hate you. He’ll be angry, but he won't hate you. He knows you did this for your daughter and not to spite him.” Alexander reasoned. “Or at least I would hope he didn’t.”

“This was a bad idea. I should have never come back.” Ailee places the brush down, Melody turning her implant back on. 

“Mommy, when do I get to see daddy?” Melody signed to Ailee.

“Soon baby,” she tucked her daughters hair back. “Mommy just needs a little more time.”

“Okay.” Melody said, nodding her head and getting off the bed. “Uncle Alexander, can we play?”

“Anything for you princess.” He stood up, almost following Melody out of the room before turning back. “You can’t keep him waiting Lee, Santo Padre is a small town. It’s not like you can deny her resemblance to him when he sees her.”

Ailee knew that, but she needed time. 

She wasn’t ready.

Well, when would she ever?

===============

“This is insane Ailee, there are no leads connecting Theo to anyone here.” Janine rolled her eyes. “Well, we all know why that is.” She smirked at Ailee who flicked her off.

“The customer is awaiting their latte.” Ailee reminded her.

“I don’t do scut work.” Janine scoffed, a playful smirk gracing her lips as well. “Carl, latte,” she ordered, snapping her fingers at her protege. 

Carl quickly came and made the latte for the customer, busying himself with other tasks while waiting for the next customers.

“Wow, it’s like you have him on a leash.” Oscar chuckled, shaking his head. He was glad this was implemented after his time.

“He just knows better than to argue with me.” Janine grinned. “So have you reunited with your boy toy?” 

Ailee rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I’m here for.”

“Of course not.” Andrew sat across from Janine, placing a coffee in front of her. “For you Bonita.”

“Bite me.”

“Where?” Andrew wiggled his eyebrows.

“It’s too early for you two to behave this way.” Oscar rolled his eyes, shaking his head. 

“You’re just jealous because I’m taking your boyfriend.” Janine flipped him off.

“I’m good, I got Olivia.” Oscar blew her a kiss.

Janine chuckled. “You going to fight her jailbird?”

Ailee laughed, shaking her head at her team. Oscar was the first to join her group of misfits, meeting during training. Janine was the second to join, being assigned to the team by John. Olivia joined next, Ailee wanted her best friend to take care of all of her IT needs. Andrew was the last to join. Ailee met him during one of her visits in a Maquina training facility in Germany. He caught her eye and she immediately made him a part of her team. 

Young. Hungry. Talented.

That's what she looked for.

“I can take on baby Reyes.” Oscar scoffed. “Prison can’t teach you my skills.”

“They don’t teach dick sucking in prison?” Janine caused a roar of laughter to break out between the team members. 

Ailee was thankful that she had Oscar, Olivia, Janine and Andrew. They made this life so much more bearable. 

The bell above the door rang, indicating a customer came in. They heard Carl and Iya greet the customer, but they didn’t hear a reply. Ailee looked over and cussed under her breath. 

“We need to talk.” Angel’s eyes were trained on her, it was like he had tunnel vision.

Ailee saw Andrew and Oscar made a move to get up, but she stopped them.

“It’s fine, sit.” She looked at Angel. “Can it wait?”

“No, you don’t look busy to me. Besides, I think you owe me an explanation.”

“About what?

Angel cackled. He threw the folder that John and Vince gave him last night to the floor.

“Where’s my daughter?”

Janine, Oscar and Andrew all saw how Ailee’s face changed and immediately dispersed. Angel waited for Ailee to make a move. He could stand here all day. She was lucky he didn’t wake her up in the middle of the night.

“Follow me.” Ailee made her way towards her office, Angel following suit. As soon as they were both inside, Ailee closed the door. “Who told you?”

“You’re not even going to try and deny it?”

“For? You already know.” Ailee walked behind her desk, sitting down on the chair. “Who. Told. You.”

“Does it fucking matter? Cause you should have fucking told me.” Angel spat out. “You weren’t even in fucking jail Ailee, you were free, raising our fucking child without me!” 

Ailee knew it was awful of her to keep Melody away, but she couldn’t bring her to Santo Padre. She feared for Melody and Angel’s life. Maybe her decision was questionable but she did what she had to do as a mother. 

“I don’t expect you to understand my decision, but just know I made the best decision for her.”

“Why? Cause I’m that much of a fuck up? You didn’t even give me a fucking chance to fuck up!”

“No, Angel,” she immediately felt her heart clenched. She always believed Angel would be an amazing father. It was never about him. “You would be an amazing father, I just,” Ailee sighed. For once, Angel saw his Ailee, not this cold person that he’s been seeing around town. “Theo already killed one of them, I couldn’t risk bringing Melody here. He would know she was your kid and kill her.”

Hearing the confirmation from Ailee hit differently. Sure she wasn’t in jail. Sure she didn’t suffer as he thought she did, but she suffered in a different way that he still couldn’t fathom. He thought his family was a work of art but Ailee’s family took the cake. His girl lost one of their kids and she had to suffer through it alone. She raised their kid on her own. But she could have come to him, he would have protected her and their daughter.

“You should have come home to me Ailee. I could have protected you and our daughter. I would do anything for you Lee.” Angel felt the tears building in his eyes. Years of shame, disappointment, regret, frustration, sadness and anger were resurfacing for both himself and Ailee. They looked at one another, studying one another. Ailee was the light of Angel’s life, the person who made him feel that he was worthy. That no matter the life she could have elsewhere, she always chose him. And he would never fault her for that. If she wanted to stay with him, he would selfishly accept her. 

Angel was the light of Ailee’s life. 

During her time of darkness, as cliche as it sounded, he was her angel, the reason she kept fighting. When she was a child, he would sneak out with her, teach her how to play baseball or any other sport she wanted to learn. He would take her to watch the shining stars in the dark desert with no lights taking away their shine. When she suffered under Theo, he pushed her to live, to not kill herself because once she was able to escape, she would be back in his warm embrace. It kept her breathing. She felt like an idiot relying so much of her sanity on Angel, but she was the one person who didn’t like her due to her ability or what she could bring to the table, he loved her because she was Ailee. 

He was the love of her life. 

She was the love of his life.

Yet obstacles always came in between them.

But Ailee was content.

As long as Angel was alive she could live without having him, without being around him. She could live knowing that he was safe, at least from her demons.

Olivia opened the car door, letting Melody jump down the car. She smiled, holding out her hand towards Melody, which she gladly took. She had taken Melody out for some brunch while Alex was in Los Angeles handling business with Sierra. Parking in front of Carniceria Reyes was risky, but it was eleven in the morning, the shop was usually busy and she saw no bikes in sight. 

She was in the clear. 

“You think mommy will like her waffles?” Olivia asked Melody as they walked across the street.

EZ had caught sight of Olivia’s car, he gave her back a questioning look as he saw the child with her. He’s never seen the young girl before. She turned around and EZ felt his stomach churn. He recognized that smile, it was the same smile Angel had, the one he shared with their mother. He muttered some excuse to his father as he followed Olivia and the young girl. 

They entered Ailee’s cafe, which was called ‘MR cafe’. He didn’t know what the initials stood for but it was a catchy name. Following them inside, he saw how the employees warmly greeted the young girl along with Olivia. His eyes narrowed at the man hugging Olivia.

“Livy, Janine was being mean to me earlier, she said I had to fight the jailbird for you.” Oscar pouted.

Olivia laughed. “No, but you know you’re not my type.”

“What? Tall, dark and handsome? How is that not your type?” Oscar shook his head. “Now you’re just hurting my feelings.”

“More like obnoxious, arrogant and a clown.”

“Ooh! Burn!” Andrew let out a booming laugh.

Melody walked over to Olivia after retrieving a cookie from Carl.

“Mommy?” She looked at Janine.

“In her office sweetie, but,” before Janine could advise the young girl to wait, she bolted towards the office with the waffles in hand.

“Don’t worry, I got her.” Olivia walked away following after her with EZ following after Olivia. He passed by Andrew, Janine and Oscar since they thought he was heading to the restroom. EZ looked harmless to them, despite the kute. 

Olivia could hear the raised voices then, but before she could stop Melody from opening the door, she opened it. Her eyes immediately landed on Angel, her lie coming out before she could think.

"Oh, that's so odd, mommy isn't he-"

Melody ran straight to Ailee, hugging her leg. Angel looked at them, dumbfounded by the scene. The beautiful little girl looked up at him and when she studied his face, her eyes widened, hiding behind Ailee.

"I'm just gonna," Olivia nodded her head and made her way outside. EZ, who had seen them from across the street, was right behind her.

"Who was that?"

"Fuck me."

“She, please don’t tell me.” EZ knew that Olivia or Ailee would never keep something this enormous from them. They wouldn’t hide the existence of Angel’s child.

“EZ, it wasn’t my secret to tell.” Olivia grimaced, hugging him immediately. “This was on Ailee, I would never have crossed that line.”

EZ wrapped his arms around her. As much as he wanted to go inside for moral support, this was between Angel and well, his girls.

Angel looked down at Melody who was gripping her mother’s leg along with the plastic bag in her hand. She didn’t seem frightened of him, she just looked shy. Ailee had her hand on Melody’s head, placing a hand on her mouth to keep her sob from coming out. This was something she always dreamed of, Melody finally meeting Angel. She wiped her tears, squatting down to Melody’s level.

“Baby, I thought you and Auntie Ollie were having brunch?” Ailee questioned.

Melody looked at Angel then back at Ailee. “We did, I brought you waffles.” She signed back to her mother, marveling Angel. Lifting up the bag, Ailee took it, placing it on the desk behind her.

“She,” Angel paused remembering John and Vince’s words from last night. “Your brothers told me she could talk.”

Ailee stored that into memory. It was her brothers who told Angel. 

“She’s very shy, she just learned how to talk last year and she’s still getting used to it. She was born deaf and had an implant placed last year.” Ailee explained. “Baby, it’s okay, you can talk in front of daddy.”

Angel gave Ailee an incredulous look. How could Melody possibly know he was her father? 

Ailee saw the look on his face and sighed. “I never hid your existence from her. She always knew you were her father and she recognizes you from the pictures.” She looked at Melody who was looking up at Angel, marveled at the fact her father was finally in front of her. “Say hi to daddy Melly.”

Angel crouched down beside Ailee, wanting to give Melody the space she needed. He felt the tears escape his eyes, but he didn’t fucking care, his daughter was right in front of him and he felt like he saw his mother. Melody tilted her head, unsure why her father was crying. Her small hand reached up to him, wiping the tears escaping his eyes. Angel let out a sob, slightly startling Melody, but she kept her hand on his face.

“Hi daddy.” Melody closed the distance between them, wrapping her little arms around Angel’s neck. The tears wouldn’t stop falling for Angel, Ailee crying as well when she saw father and daughter together. Angel wrapped his arms around Melody, he never believed in love at first sight, but he did now. He fell in love with his daughter at first sight. 

“Hello Melody, you’re so beautiful mama.” Angel relished holding her. Looking at Ailee, he saw how she was trying her best to stop crying, but Ailee was awful at that. Picking up Melody, she was so light, it didn’t even feel like anything. Ailee stayed crouched down, trying her best to calm herself. He pulled her up, pulling her into his other arm, kissing the top of her head. “I got you baby, I got both of you.”

Their moment was broken when John and Vince burst into the room. Ailee glared at her brothers, obviously knowing of their betrayal.

“Oh man, is that my phone ringing? Might be my son, you know, your nephew, who needs me in his life.” John made a uturn and left the room. 

“That’s not fair, I don’t have a son to use as a scapegoat.” Vince gave his sister an apologetic smile. “I’m your favorite brother?”

“Leave.”

“Te quiero mucho mi hermana.” Vince left leaving the family again.

Angel looked out and saw EZ with Olivia. Looking at Melody, he gestured for his little brother to come in. Ailee looked at Olivia who gave her an encouraging smile.

“Melody, this is Tio EZ, he’s daddy’s brother.” Angel informed his daughter.

“She knows about EZ.” Ailee confirmed. “She knows about your whole family.”

Melody turned to face EZ. “You’re on Auntie Ollie’s phone.” She looked at Olivia who gestured for her to be quiet. 

EZ chuckled, tears streaming down his eyes. Much like Angel, he saw his mother as he looked at her. He couldn’t believe Angel had a little girl. He knew Ailee’s return was going to bring so many answers, yet, he felt like it was going to bring more questions as well. Angel told him about Ailee’s past, how she was a government agent. He didn’t fucking believe it though. Ailee could barely kill a fucking spider before much less a human being. He thinks it’s completely fabricated and there was something else.

But the lie was so elaborate.

“Can you take Melody? Ailee and I have much to talk about.” Angel handed Melody to Olivia. “And we need to talk as well Liv.” 

Olivia eyed Angel curiously before nodding her head. 

“Sure, we’ll be right outside.” 

Ailee stepped away from Angel, sitting back down behind her desk. Angel waited till the door was closed before he turned to Ailee. He didn’t want Melody out of his sight, but he didn’t want her to be in here for this conversation.

“I just want to make it very clear that I’m not letting Melody out of my sight. I don’t care what you do, what you think, but she’s my daughter and I intend to be with her whenever I can.” Angel started off. “And you’re coming as well.”

“What?” Ailee was confused by his words. 

Angel chuckled. “We have a daughter together, Lee. I’ve always told you you were it for me and nothing has changed that. Though, it appears we have much to talk about.” 

“You have a child, that’s that.” 

“Oh no mi dulce, I know that, but you’re staying with me or I’m staying with you, I don’t give a fuck how it works, you’re not leaving my sight.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Angel, that’s impossible. You have to work and so do I.” Ailee hated how simple things always seemed to Angel. There was always a simple solution for him, but he never thought of the consequences or what had to be done to get to his simple outcome. 

Nothing in life was simple. 

“And? That’s not my concern. When you’re home, we’re all home together.” Again, so simple for Angel.

“No.”

“That wasn’t a choice.”

“I’m not discussing this, you’re out of your mind. I was gone for five years Angel, I’ve heard you’ve moved on. Let’s just keep it this way. You are more than welcome to see Melody but otherwise there is nothing between us.” Ailee put her foot down. It was better this way. Her and Angel were just a thing of the past and the only thing bringing them together was Melody.

Ailee hates herself too much to give herself to anyone. Angel would never love her if he found out what she did while she was away. He wanted an innocent girl, untainted. Not a jaded government agent who had more scars and baggage that she would like to admit.

“I’ve moved on? You’re the one parading your dildo around here. I’ve never moved on, and I never will, not from you.” Angel was livid. He moved on? Was that an excuse for her boyfriend?

“Alexander isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Look, I don’t want to argue, I got shit to do today and the last thing I want is for Melody to hear us arguing.” She lowered her voice. “We should take her to meet your father.”

“Not right now, I just, I want her to myself.” Angel sighed. He should introduce Melody to his father, but he wanted some time with Melody first, to get to know his daughter.

“Okay, whatever you want.”

“We’re staying together.”

“Okay Ignacio, whatever you say.”

===============

Olivia walked in her apartment, the smell of smoke was immediately apparent to her. She rolled her eyes, knowing Angel broke in her damn apartment again. It’s not like she didn’t have any security cameras, of course she did, the place was rigged. But Angel also had a key to her place.

“Ignacio, what did I say about breaking in?” Olivia closed her door, locking her door. 

“How could you not tell me Liv?” Angel questioned, crushing his cigarette butt on the ashtray that Olivia conveniently left out for him. 

“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” Olivia sighed, sitting beside Angel on the couch. “I, I wanted to tell you, I really did, but Ailee didn’t want to. She said you made a life of your own and you didn’t need her.”

“She’s a pain in the ass.” 

“She’s your pain in the ass.”

Angel chuckled. “Yeah, yeah she is.” He slid the folder over to her, Olivia giving him a confused look. “Guess you also kept that you worked for a government agency.”

“Yeah, you know this, I do apps for various government agencies.” Olivia shook her head. “Why are you here?”

“So, when are you going to tell EZ that you’re a part of Maquina?” 

Olivia looked at Angel then, making her sigh. She let out a string of cuss words under her breath. She stood up and began pacing in front of Angel. “Who told you?”

“Just like Lee, didn’t even try to deny it.” Angel let out a small laugh, hardly amused by this whole ordeal. “You knew the entire time where she was, yet you never told me.”

“Angel, I wanted to tell you, I truly did, I just,” Olivia couldn’t even find a good excuse. There was no good explanation of what she did to Angel or EZ, but she had her reasons. “I had to respect Ailee’s choice, my loyalties will always lie with her. “I can’t tell EZ, not yet. I will eventually, especially with Maquina being so close to home.”

“Close to home? Maquina is in our home.” Angel lit another cigarette, the stress getting to him. “I don’t want to break my little brother’s heart since you kept such a big secret from him. I wanted to tell you that I know and I think you should be the one to tell EZ.”

“And I will.”

“When Liv? When are you going to tell EZ?”

“Soon, just not right now.”

“No better time than the present. This week seems to be the week of letting the cat out of the bag.” Angel sighed. “I’m not here to force your hand, you want to tell him, that’s on you. But tread carefully. Can’t promise you that the other members won’t mention it in front of EZ.”

“I’m sorry Angel, for whatever it's worth, I’m sorry that you found out like this.” Olivia didn’t want Angel to find out in this way. She was obviously never on board with keeping Angel in the dark, but she had to understand Ailee’s reasoning. Ailee was her best friend and she wanted to support her in any way she could. 

“Would Ailee have ever told me about Melody?” Angel knew she wouldn’t. 

“She wanted to, but she was afraid.”

“Of what? She knew how devoted I was to her.”

“It’s not about you.”

“Then what is it? Theo? Fuck her brother, he can kiss my ass. Her whole fucking family is a nightmare.” 

“Theo is a different beast Angel, I get that you don’t think before you do shit, but with him, you have to. You can’t be impulsive since he’ll count on that. I’m sure he knows Ailee is back in town, it won't be long before he makes his play.” Olivia knew that Theo always knew Ailee’s moves. He’s kept on track of her all these years. Maybe he didn’t know all of her moves, but he knew enough to make it dangerous. 

“I don’t give a fuck, let him come. I’m ending this shit, he’s not going to hurt my family, never again.”

===============

“Are you going with your uncle?” 

“To the brothel? Yes. Don’t wait up.”

“I try not to.” 

Alexander walked out just as Ailee stood up. She looked at her and saw a message from her uncle. Sighing, Ailee changed her clothes and made her way down the stairs. She saw Alexander and Melody in the living room. Quickly, she said goodbye to her daughter, late nights were not odd to Melody. 

Making her way to the coffee shop, she found her uncle waiting at the back of the shop, inside of his Mercedes Benz.

“Are we using my car?” Ailee questioned.

“We can use mine, Dave will drive us.” Dave has been her uncle’s bodyguard, driver, best friend and confidant for twenty-eight years. He didn’t trust anyone more than Dave. Even Ailee trusted him. His tough exterior was such a farce, because once it was the two of them, he would have tea parties with her, sneak her some cookies at night and even read her a book. She figured Dave was what a father should be, something she only saw on movies and television shows.

It was pathetic.

“Uncle Dave,” Ailee greeted him warmly.

“Fuck you both for coming to this god forsaken town. It’s unbearably hot.” He opened the door. “Hello to you too sweetheart.”

Jin and Ailee laughed, sliding inside the car. Dave closed the door, sliding in the driver seat. As they made their way to the brothel, Jin discussed the plan with Ailee.

“From my understanding, the Reid family is through and through racist yahoo’s who want to serve and protect the country by patrolling the border, illegally.” Jin provided background information. “Cole has been working with them, but he doesn’t seem very impressed with their lack of discipline.”

Ailee laughed. “None of them have ever served in the military. What made him think that they were going to be good foot soldiers? Their racist cause is their main agenda, having to shoot people of color is their whole purpose in this whole ordeal.”

“Gracie, have you spoken to Angel?” Jin knew it was only a matter of time before the two spoke again. They always gravitated around one another. He was surprised she was able to hold back this long when it came to talking to him. He knew that she made a few trips to Santo Padre, but she always left, wanting to assure his protection over anything. 

“No.” A lie, but she wasn’t required to be truthful to her uncle. She had to dig into this deceit that was placed ever since her supposed incarceration. Jin hardly told her the truth, why should she?

Great family dynamic.

“Why did you have Alexander bring Melody here?” Jin questioned. He didn’t feel comfortable having his granddaughter so close to the border with Theo around. They never understood Theo’s obsession with Ailee. Maybe due to the fact that he was an only child. Or maybe it was due to Ailee’s ability. Regardless, they were not big fans of Theo’s idiocracy.

“Why is this a question? Melody wanted to see me. Is that a crime?”

“Easy Gracie, I was just wondering. I thought you wanted to keep her away from Santo Padre.” Jin didn't want to upset her, but he was also looking out for his granddaughter. Though he figured Melody was safe since they had more than fifteen Maquina agents around as of right now.

“Yes, but, I can’t live in fear. If Theo wants to harm her then I will have his head on a silver platter before he can do so.” Ailee sighed. “Why is he such a concern? Theo has not made noise in years. Backing lowly European groups is hardly any of our concern.”

“It’s Theo, you never count out a Kane. He’ll want his revenge and make people pay for what occurred with his father. We need to be ten steps ahead to assure he cannot pull a fast one on us.” Jin never counted out Theo. He did not like to be an underdog, did not like to be the second best. He had to be the best. He remembered when Theo expressed interest in joining Maquina and it was an immediate no. The way Theo was, Jin knew that training him and giving him permission to eliminate people would be too powerful of a task for him. “Grace, what did he do to you?”

“Besides killing one of my children? The details are not necessary, just know that you perfected whatever he wanted to do.”

“And what’s that?” Jin hated it when Ailee compared him to Ailee. He did everything for her own protection. She thrived under Maquina and without it, Melody wouldn’t be able to hear. There was a tiny amount of guilt that ate at him, that if he didn’t set her up, Theo wouldn’t have been able to take her child from her. 

“A killer with no moral code.”

#angel reyes #angelreyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc fic #mayans mc fanfic

[unregistered-hypercam-two]

Do you actually like Micah ? Why lol

ok, long post but yeah, I do

I’m gonna try to word this as best I can but english ain’t my first language so bear with me, partner

so... micah’s one of those villains you can’t help but laugh at and joke about. he’s a greasy bastard rat man who’s constantly making weird noises and has the weirdest temperment... and I don’t just mean in regards to anger.

micah is shown multiple times to be romantic and clingy, especially when it comes to dutch and arthur. like weirdly so that it took me two entire playthru’s to really see it...

micah’s a doll to arthur in the beginning, arthur’s distain for micah’s weird bootlickin’ backhanded comments sometimes spurs micah into a temperment fit but otherwise, micah seems to genuinely think of arthur as more than just some dumb gunslinger, he compliments arthur multiple times throughout the game, though none are ever requitted by our favorite outlaw...

and I mean, for good reason, micah’s constantly on a manic episode so you always have this feeling that micah can never be fully trusted at one given point. but I do believe he’s being genuine when he compliments dutch and arthur and gives them his advice (moreso dutch as the game plays out and arthur keeps pushing him away)

I think...

well, I have two theories... that I wanna talk about, and I might as well put it here...

so what if arthur requitted micah’s compliments, bantered with him like a friend rather than an outsider? (micah does bring up a good point that he’s been loyal to the gang longer than charles and yet arthur trusts charles so much more) do you think micah’d betray the van der linde gang if everyone put up with him a bit better or maybe tried to talk him through like... his trauma? (like how the girls tm sometimes let arthur and some of the other boys vent to them and rant about things that bother them)

do you think micah could truly change or is he already brutally morphed into a mass of evil constant? because I think about his upbringing a lot,

especially that one newspaper clipping talking about how micah and micah’s dad, micah (🥴) killed some ranchers by slittin’ their throat n’ hangin’ ‘em... micah was 17... imagine before that, how much grooming do you think it takes to force a child to murder someone? and judgin’ by what we know about papa micah and granpa micah, he was probably forced to do a plethora of gruesome and twisted things to strangers at a young age... I hate to see it

but I digress, micah had that one newspaper clippin’ of dutch’s bounty in his camp near Strawberry (you can go find it at any given point in the game after the american postoral service quest) so he was definitely contemplating it... but do you think if he felt more accepted in the gang when he was approached by Milton (after they tried to rope arthur into their deal when he took Jack fishing) he wouldn’t have taken the offer?

because micah’s alone at this point... he only has cleet n’ joe who implied/said (I never heard the dialogue myself) that they feel uncomfortable around micah at times due to his manic episodes, so... the van der linde gang is all micah has before he drives them apart and wills Milton’s deal, trying to isolate dutch, manipulate him, turn him in (which is... really strange considering even after arthur dies and after everyone gets away, micah takes in dutch and they coexist in the mountain for years after... why not turn him in in all those years he had him? with milton dead and the rest of the pinkerton agency not really knowing who micah is, he could have easily turned dutch in for a boat load of cash...)

but I keep thinkin’... even before all that, what if arthur and john were a bit more able and ready to handle micah at his weirdest, at his most clinically insane. maybe they could have drove him out peacefully or maybe they could have changed him :\ taken him in as a true brother... it wouldn’t be easy seeing as how absolutely gone micah is after being forced down the outlaw path at such a young age

don’t get me wrong, everyone started out young in the oUtLaW LiFe but fuck if dutch and hosea kept john and arthur’s heads on them and didn’t force them to kill children, maim women, slit farmer’s throats open for some quick cash— kill for fun. hell, their motto is that they only shoot people who NEED shootin’, micah’s daddy from the sounds of it really had no moral, no fucks to give ever.

being groomed to kill for fun, to be indifferent to women in general (seeing them as objects), and to see POC as outsiders (micah was probably raised to see them not only as lesser than him but probably as more evil), it couldn’t have been easy on micah’s psyche so yeah, maybe I’m bein’ a dreamer in this, trying to formulate a reality where micah can be changed, where he can have a realistic redemption arc but in honesty?

something drastic between he and arthur would have to happen in order for that to happen... it’s just weird seeing this goofy drunk man giving arthur praise and compliments and gifts descending more and more into this rotten and insane brick wall. hell, in the beginning when they were up in Colter, micah took missions well, listened to orders and directions extremely well without having to input anything and then you reach shady belle and micah questions everything anyone does, constantly has dutch changing his mind or thinking about something else other than the task at hand

I like micah a lot, his character is so interesting and he and his psyche and his motives, they’re all fun to study and I wish... idk I wish there were more redemption arc fics for him ‘cause I’m a sucker for them 😔

and as a disclaimer, I should say I do not support micah’s actions nor do I necessarily condone his thoughts towards those he deems lesser than him... I think he’s a fun character to play around with, that’s all, that’s why he’s my favorite character

#ask #rdr2 #micah bell #sorry this was long #and it got rambly but to be fair I’m very tired #rdr2 spoilers #self care is doing a character analysis on one of the most hated men in video game history

[sgtduckybucky]

coming home to you

Genre: hurt/comfort, romance, angst and slight fluff.

Warning(s): slight au

Words: 2058

A/N: euhedeuhed NO ONE TOLD ME ALFIE WAS BACK!! UJHUEHEIUED I haven’t watched s5 and i wont for a while because im watching one piece so forgive me if this isn’t as accurate as the show. that’s why I added au as a warning since i only saw a clip of alfie on youtube.

this is a sequel to farewell and a gif but can be read alone! i won’t add links since posts don’t show up with links but send me an ask and i’ll give you think!

lastly, sorry for any spelling or grammar errors!

»»————-　♡　————-««

the sound of the fire cackling in the fire place was an odd source of comfort as the harsh december wind howled outside. this year’s winter was harsh and unkind to humans. just this morning, you’ve read in the paper that five people died from the extreme cold britain’s getting this year.

you poured yourself another cup of earl grey as a new louis armstrong song began playing on the record player as you enjoyed reading The Mysterious Affair at Styles. and just as you were about to doze off three chapters, cyrill suddenly lifts his head up and trots to the window, a low whine coming from deep within him.

you paid him no mind at first, but when he started pawing at the window, you closed your book and stopped the record player before walking to where cyrill was. pulling back the shades, you picked through the snow caked windows. squinting your eyes to see what got cyrill so worked up. when you couldn’t spot anything you drew the windows and patted the dog’s head, “there’s nothing there, cyrill.” you smiled down at him, “probably a squirrel trying to hide from the snow.”

glancing at the wall clock, you were surprised to find that it was getting close to midnight. once you’ve cleaned the living room, you switched off the lights and head to one of the guest rooms on the first floors. ever since your pregnancy started showing the baby growing heavier, you’ve decided to move your bedroom on the lower level since it was way too exhausting for you to get up the stairs. the room wasn’t much, barely decorated, but it was a place for you to rest and sleep in. and the bathroom next to it had standing shower which was also another reason why you moved to this room since you had quite a scare by almost falling out of your bathtub as you were getting up.

as you settled into bed, you glanced at the picture frame on the night table. the picture was of you and alfie from almost two years ago. you were at the pier on a rare and sunny day in britain and you had begged alfie to go. it was on of the most memorable days you’ve had together. the picture was of you and alfie standing behind those cutout boards where they had a muscled man lifting a woman and, thinking it would be hilarious, you stood behind the man’s cutout face while alfie, grumbling at first, stood behind the woman’s cutout face. slowly, your eyes closed shut at the fond memories.

»»————-　♡　————-««

life as an eight month pregnant woman wasn’t easy. you can’t bend any more to pick anything so once that object is on the ground, it stays there until either cyrill picks it up or when ollie drops by later and picks it up for you. you can’t have a good night’s sleep either since the baby keeps kicking you from all sides every two fucking minutes and you were always hungry for the strangest food! oh, and you’d pee a lot too which was getting on your nerves.

however, there are small perks to being this far along. the most noticeable one, and by your favorite, is the many discounts from markets and stores. the minute they lay eyes on you, pity brimming in their eyes, they just lower the price for whatever it was you were buying.

like today for example. you were suddenly craving an orange cake and chicken for dinner so you decided to head to the market early and start cooking. maybe even have ollie for dinner if he wasn’t too busy. the elderly woman took one look at you and lowered your groceries from thirty pounds to twenty pounds. and when she heard that your boyfriend died before he could even propose, she lowered it to fifteen pounds!

sometimes, it’s great being pregnant. you chuckled to yourself as you made home. it wasn’t too cold this afternoon so you weren’t in a rush as you walked through town. however, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that someone was watching you. but every time you turned around, there was no one there. it was when you started hearing a second set of footsteps behind you did you pick your pace and take the long route home hoping to shake whoever was following you off. when you were certain the person wasn’t following you anymore, you quickly made it to your home and locked the doors. and rushed to pick the phone.

“hello?”

“t-tommy.” you stuttered into the phone.

“y/n?” tommy asked in slight surprise since you haven’t spoken to each other since that day you threatened to shoot his face off when you found out that you were pregnant with alfie’s baby.

“ca-can you come over? i think someone’s following me.” you whispered into the phone as you peaked through the window to make sure that no one was standing outside of your house.

“i’ll be right over.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

it’s been two weeks and you were positive that someone’s stalking you. tommy had insisted that him and the rest of your brothers would take turns staying the night at your place and accompanying you to any appointment or errand you need to run.

you were about to protest at first, yell and remind them that you weren’t some damsel in distress but when arthur said, “what if alfie’s enemies know that you were carrying his child.” he didn’t have to continue that statement as it was pretty obvious what he was saying. what if they knew you were carrying alfie’s baby and they were trying to kill you?

shaken to your core, you placed a protective hand on your belly and nodded your head.

“are you sure you don’t want me to stay over?” finn asked you, a frown tugging at his lips in concern.

you tried not to roll your eyes at your younger brother, “for the millionth time, i’m sure, finn.”

finn bit his lips, ready to ask the same question again when your house came into view, “finn, i love you all to death but having you lots breathing down my neck and jumping to your feet the minute i feel a cramp is getting on my damn nerves.”

finn looked away in guilt, “we’re just worried is all.”

you smiled appreciatively at your brother, “and i’m thankful for you all.” you said you leaned in and kissed his cheek, “but i need some time alone before i go fucking insane.”

chuckling along with you, finn nodded his head and watched you enter your home before leaving to meet up with michael.

-

“cyrill, i’m home!” you called as you discarded your coat and scarf and hung them on the coat rack by the door, “cyrill?”

confused, you slowly and quietly made your way to the living room in case he was sleeping.

but what greeted you wasn’t cyrill sleeping soundly on the couch, but of a large and burly man sitting on the couch with cyrill laying across his lap. his hair was short and a dark brown color that turned golden under the sun. his chin was covered in a greying brown beard while his mustache dropped down his lips. the left side of his face was scarred and almost disfigured with his left eye was a hauntingly greyish white color.

“a-alfie?” you chocked. your legs shook and almost gave out had you not slammed your hand on the coffee table in time.

“in the flesh.” he replied while shrugging nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal to show up at yours and your girlfriend’s house despite being supposedly dead.

“h-how?”

“i think you should sit down, love.”

shaking your head, you lifted your finger and pointed at alfie, voice going into hysterics as you said, “you’re s-supposed to be d-dead! t-tommy...tommy shot you! you died!”

aflie just sat as he silently watched the tears falling down your cheeks and into the carpeted floor, “like i said, y/n, you should sit down.”

and as if you were a puppet being controlled by your master, you shuffled your way to the armchair across the couch alfie was sitting on with cyrill.

“where do i begin.” alfie heaved as he dragged his hand down his face, making you wince as his hand came in contact with his scarred skin.

“from the start.” you spoke softly.

and alfie did as told. he talked about that day on the beach when tommy confronted him, how he was willing to die after he found out he was terminally ill and was going to die anyways and how tommy shot him.

“you were dying.” you whispered, eyes widening in shock at the revelation, “why didn’t you tell me?”

guilt flashed in alfie’s eyes, “i didn’t want you to worry.”

you stood up on your feet in rage but the abrupt movement made you dizzy so you sat back down, a hand on your head to stop your head from spinning. all the while alfie watched with a deep set of frown.

“you were going to leave me.” you said, a dry chuckle escaping through you lips, “you were going to leave us.”

“so that’s mine.” alfie pointed at your enlarged stomach with his, “good to know.”

anger bubbled inside of you at his words and at his carefree attitude, “he’s not yours. not after what you did.” you couldn’t help the tears from rolling down your cheeks but you were angry. you were angry that your brother had shot your lover, angry that you mourned someone who wasn’t even dead,  you were angry that he kept his illness from you and you were angry that he didn’t even tell you he was alive.

“why didn’t you tell me?” you chocked on your sob as tears blurred your vision, “why didn-” your throat tightened and you swallowed thickly. you were hurt. you were hurt, alone and scared these past eight and half months. worrying if you and your baby would survive this pregnancy, if your baby could survive the harsh winter and with someone stalking yo-

“have you been following me?” you asked as realization dawn on you.

“i was.” alfie replied.

“why?”

it took alfie a couple of seconds before he replied, “i wanted to see if you were safe.”

“were you going to come back?”

alfie looked away, wether in shame or to feed you a lie, you didn’t know.

“I was going to remain in hiding, keep a low profile from the bloody police but then i saw you were with child.” he pointed at your belly with his finger, “and i had to make sure whichever bastard did that to you was taking good care of ya. turns out i was the fucking bastard.” he chuckled humorlessly.

there was a short pause before you asked, “so why are you here?”

alfie’s fingers brushed cyrill’s thick fur, his miscolored eyes never leaving yours as he answered, “i wanted to come back home to you.”

“and what if i don’t want you back?” you raised an eyebrow challengingly, “what if i wanted you gone? what if i never wanted to see you again?”

“then i’ll leave.” alfie quickly replied.

“and what about your cancer? what if you leave us again, i-”

this time, alfie got up from the couch and kneeled down in front of you, taking both of your hands into his bigger and rougher ones.

“i promise i won’t leave you.” he kissed your hands with his chapped lips.

“how can i trust you?” you whispered.

“call fate or divine intervention or whatever but when your fucked up in the head of a brother shot me, the doctors drugged me up so much for so long that it cured my skin cancer.” he kissed your hands again but when he felt a tear drop land on his nose, he sat up straighter and kissed your tears away.

“i’m giving you one more chance.” you held alfie’s face in your hands, your thumb gently caressing the scarred skin, “if you leave us again, i swear i’ll bring you back from the dead and kill you myself.”

alfie chuckled, leaning in to softly peck your lips, “it’s a promise.”

#Alfie Solomons #alfie solomons imagine #alfie solomons x reader #alfie solomons x you #alfie solomons fanfic #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x you #peaky blinders fanfiction

[ajokeformur-ray]

In the arms of an angel // part 2 to injured!joker // soft comfort.

This imagine is a sequel to the most recent injured!Joker imagine that I posted. I was largely unsatisfied with how I left it (that is, the reader being left to cry themselves to sleep), and so I decided to write a second part. I hope that you enjoy it as much as the first! <3

Summary: Joker wakes some time later to the sound of the most awful thing he’s ever heard. You’re in a lot of emotional pain and you need him. It seems that tonight is the night of the two of you patching over the other’s wounds; physical and otherwise.

TW; swearing, reader has some kind of intense emotional attack... I think that’s it?

Word count: 1, 960.

The Arthur Fleck/Joker Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z @x-avantgarde-x @mapreza1 @insomniabird@mavalenovaninagavi @itwasrealenough @morrisonmercurymalek  @rand0ms-fand0ms @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing @rebs-doom @vivft@help-i-am-obssessed @autumnaffection @taintednihilist @vladtoly @mg-woolf99 @misstgrey92 @that-s-life @dopey-girl-blogs @seeking-dreamland @sweetheart-syndrome @heartxfdesire @xmusichealsthesoulx @0callmejude0 @the-one-that-likes-riddles @hannibalsslut @folliaght @freeeshavacadoo @bingewatchingmylifegoby @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything @okamiredfoxx @sp0okysp0oky @the-pandorabox

Wanna join the Defense Squad? Send an ask or DM! <3

You had been sure that Joker was asleep. His breathing had evened out, his body had relaxed in your grasp, and his firm hold around your waist had slackened. He had been, at the very least, right on the edge of sleep. Only with his face pressed against your abdomen and your shirt soaking through with his tears, his arms tightly wrapped around you out of fear that something would take you away from him, and his lips kissing any part of you that he could reach because you were here and safe and alive, had he finally found rest. Your fingers had strayed into his green hair somewhere along the way, and you gently untangled the dyed strands as you lay there effectively pinned into his grip. You were going nowhere any time soon.

Safe in the assumption that Joker was asleep and that you were stuck in bed for the foreseeable future, you had allowed yourself to cry. You had stared into the darkness with a blank expression on your face, just thinking. You lay there thinking of the night’s incredibly stressful events, replaying everything in your mind. It was like poking a sore tooth with your tongue: it had hurt when it had first happened and now, when it was all over, you knew it would hurt to think back on what had happened this night, but you couldn’t stop yourself from replaying everything. All that blood, all those tears... Arthur had never been more in touch with himself than he had tonight. You were always so proud of him when he expressed any kind of vulnerability, but this... you had never wanted this for him.

You thought of how strong you had been forced to be for the sake of bringing a traumatised and scared Joker back into himself, and of how worried you had been because he had actually been injured and he could have died tonight, and as everything all heaped up on you so fast that you couldn’t stop it, you couldn’t clear your mind from one image to the other, from one memory to the other, and then you found yourself thinking about what if he had died tonight, what if you had been left waiting for someone who would never again come home, and tears found you all too easily. Fast, hot and heavy sorrow and worry and stress poured down your face as, within seconds, you were sobbing. You had one hand over your eyes, as if you were trying to press your anguish back into yourself, and another hand over your mouth to stop any noises coming out. You were good at crying quietly, but tonight, it seemed, with the cause and solution of your grief tightly pressed against you, you were powerless to stop yourself from making any noise.

It was only when your breathing became hurried, panting gasps, your head spinning and your stomach cramping horribly and your eyes sore with the tears that just kept coming that you realised that Joker’s head was no longer cushioned on your stomach and that the nearest lamp had been switched on. Your eyes roamed wildly about the room as you bolted upright in a short, sharp jolt of panic. Where was he? The bed was empty, you were alone and you couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t think, all you could hear was a roaring in your ears. There was everything and nothing all at once. You felt sick, you felt like you were feeling too much all at once, but in the back of your mind you felt like you were watching yourself through someone else’s eyes and where was Arthur? 

Each second that passed without Joker in sight made you feel like you were going to go insane. It was a strong, almost irresistible urge to get up, to find him, but you couldn’t move. Your mind was screaming for you to move but you were powerless. You could only sit on the bed and feel in this moment as all of reality crashed down around you. All you could do was watch yourself disintegrate, not knowing rhyme or reason beyond the fact that everything hurt. Had it all been a dream? Had he died from his injury and you had dreamed that he had come to bed with you, that he was still alive? You hadn’t noticed him leave, you hadn’t even felt him move or wake up and you had woken him up even after everything he had been through tonight just because you weren’t able to even cry in silence... All these thoughts and more swirled throughout your mind, poisoning the smallest part of you that was still rational, that was still logical and telling you that he had probably gone to the bathroom, or to the kitchen... that you hadn’t dreamed the whole thing and - 

Two large hands cupped your face, slender fingers curled behind your ears. Two beautiful green eyes held yours, their gaze following your own. Your chest was burning, your eyes hurt, and there was a massive ache in your chest that was physical as well as emotional. You were hurting and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You didn’t know what was happening and you were scared and you just wanted Arthur and you wanted to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, when this was all over and it was just lost in your memory as a Bad Day.

There was a low, soothing sound which was somehow able to infiltrate the cloud of panic and grief and pain which had overcome you so suddenly that it had left both you and Joker reeling, and your sight was able to zone in on Joker’s face. You gasped, your chest heaving as your lungs yelled out for some oxygen, and the look of worry on his face almost tipped you over the edge again. Joker continued to gently shush you, his hands still on your face. He needed you to get your breathing under control before you either passed out or hurt yourself, whichever came first. What the fucking hell was happening to you? You were always so strong for him, always seeming so composed and together. He saw, now, that you weren’t always so strong. You held back a lot of emotions for him and you endured so much shit for him because you loved him. Indeed, he loved you, craved your presence in his life just as he craved nicotine, and a nasty thought, a sickly question that he couldn’t shake off now that it had occurred to him hit Arthur like a fucking truck:

What if Y/N goes insane because of me?

He bit back a sob of his own, swallowing the hard lump in his throat down. You had been his angel tonight and now it was his turn to look after you. He had to get you calm, first. Your breathing was out of control. Clarity had visited you both tonight and it was horrific in the way that it had had to come from a place of sheer agony, but there was only up from here. You had both hit rock bottom but hand in hand would you crawl your way to the sunlight.

Still shushing you, his hands moved to stroke your hair, your face, to wipe your tears away. Joker’s hands were trembling so badly out of worry for you, but he kept going. Slowly, slowly, as the minutes crawled passed and he continued to fear that you would pass out, did your breathing slow to a shuddering harsh breath every now and then. Fuck, your whole body hurt. 

“That’s it,” He murmured, “Breathe for me, angel.”

“A-Arthur?”

He said nothing. What was there to say? He could only nod, his tears escaping despite himself. It meant so much to hear you finally able to speak. Your first word as you came out of the dark, the immeasurable hell that your mind had been thrown into, had been his name and it was the sweetest, most ridiculous torture that Arthur’s mind could ever possibly conceive.

“I - I was scared... You were gone and I thought I’d... m-made it all up and - “ Your face crumpled with a fresh wave of tears but Joker was there with gentle kisses and some more quiet shushes as he pulled you into his bony chest. He pushed himself further onto the bed so that he could pull you onto his lap.

“What’s the world doing to us?” He groaned aloud, and you laughed without any trace of humour in the sound.

“What are we doing to ourselves?” You murmured. It was true. Gotham was lower than low, so cruel and so underhanded. You were both more than aware that people came to this city when they had given up on life but they were too passive to even think about killing themselves, to end it all, but still you stayed. Where else could you go? Gotham was all either of you had ever known, and Joker had a reputation now. He finally was being noticed, his existence was being acknowledged and he just didn’t want to leave that behind.

Joker moved to get back into bed. He had left the room to use the bathroom and relieve himself before he attended to you, because he really didn’t need his body to be distracting him from his constant first priority, but if he had known just how far down you would spiral in the very short time he was away - less than a minute - he would have just held it. Nothing would ever be worth seeing you in so much distress, no matter what his bladder said.

“Come on, doll,” Joker tugged you easily to occupy the space beside him. You gave no resistance, no verbal answer, but the way that you seemed to melt into his body once you were back under the covers spoke for itself. Would there ever be a time of rest for either of you, without having to fight against yourselves? He hoped so, not for him, but for you. You were a heavenly being to Arthur, and he would walk through hell itself if it meant seeing you smile for even a second. “Won’t you smile for me? Pretty please.”

You lay on your side, your hands tightly gripping one of his. Joker turned his head on the pillow to face you, laying on his back. You were both alive. You were both safe. Nothing could harm you. Nothing would harm you. As your eyes met Joker’s and he felt his lips twitch upwards at the sight of your face; your eyes red and puffy, your face pale but alive, he did smile. He smiled wide, not needing the illusion of makeup for you to see that he was smiling almost ear to ear, and you couldn’t help it. You giggled slightly and smiled, too, the relief in your chest palpable.

“Look at you.” Joker spoke in a hushed voice that was full of awe and love. “Is this really all for me?”

You smiled wider and snuggled in closer. You had been tired before but now you were exhausted. The two of you got comfortable and it ended up that your positions were reversed from the first time you had laid down: now, you were the one resting your head on Joker’s chest so that you could hear his heartbeat, and he was the one protecting you in his embrace. 

On this night had you had to face your own personal demons: the thought of losing each other. But now, you could both sleep safely in the arms of an angel.

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck imagine #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck x you #joker #joker 2019 #joker 2019 imagine #todd phillips #joaquin phoenix #Joaquin phoenix joker #joaquin phoenix x reader #joaquin pheonix joker #phoenix!joker #phoenix!joker x reader #phoenix!joker imagine

[johnshelbysbabygirll]

For the rest of this life - JOHN SHELBY X READER

Words: 1981

i written this a few weeks ago, but i didn’t wanted to post it cause i hate to think about John being dead...in the same time, i thought that maybe you would like it so...here we go.

Everything started a long time ago.

Your mother was a teacher in Small Heath and you and John met each other back then. You couldn't stand him, he was full of himself even as a kid and you hated him, so you always fought each other. You always ended up crying and with him apologizing to you.

When you grew up you went to school in Italy, but somehow you and John managed to wrote each other letters every now and then. He told you about the war, about his wife Martha and their children that he left back home, about Polly and his brothers, Ada and the little Finn. You told him about Italy, about new things you learnt at school everyday and how happy you are that you can do more than most of the girls do: get married and have kids. You knew you can do more than that. You were so scared when weeks used to pass by and his letter didn't came; you were scared for his life.

All this time John told you everything, but his business. Your family told you nothing at all and back then you were so blind.

In 1920 when you came back in Birmingham, you and John met each other and that was the night when you gave him your virginity. You didn't stop meting each other, but you were hiding from your families even if John told you about their alliance and how things are on the line between them. You weren't that sure, knowing how your brothers are, but you trusted John and you started to fall hard for him, even if you didn't wanted to; you couldn't help it. He was everything you wished for and you quickly realized that.

You remember the night he asked you to marry him.

"John?"

You received a letter from him that told you to be at the Garrison at 8 pm and there you are alone. You start to get scared, thinking that it's a trap from who knows what enemies, but when you enter the back room he was there. He is wearing a nice suite, his hair is perfect styled and his grin is on his lips as always. There are candles and flowers all over the room and you are confused, but you can feel happy tears in your eyes.

"What-What's this?"

"Me showin you how much I love and care bout you."

"John..." You start talking but you stop shocked when he is on one knee in front of you, pulling out from his pocket a velvet red beautiful box.

"Maybe our relationship it's not perfect and for others we will never be perfect for each other, but who the fuck cares? Not me. Cause I love you and I want you be my side forever. I swear I will protect you with my life...You helped me through my worst times and it's all on you cause I'm still 'ere today."

Tears are falling on your pink cheeks and you don't even try to stop 'em.

"I love you and no one...No one knows how much. [Y/N] Changretta...You wanna be my wife for the rest of this life?"

You smile through tears and you help John stand up to wrap your arms around his neck, looking right into his eyes as you answered.

"Yes, for the rest of this life...I wanna be your wife! Yes!"

You kiss each other, both of you a mess of smiles and tears and you hear loudly applause from the door. You turn around to see all his family, watching you smiling.

"[Y/N] Changretta it's dead. You are a fuckin Shelby now" Arthur speaks as he hug you and John and you all laugh with him.

"Welcome to the family. Don't fuck up our trust." Tommy is next and you can feel a threat in his voice, but you didn't mind. You will show them who you truly are and that blood don't really matter sometimes.

....and you became a Shelby when your family didn't even know about your relationship. They were too busy, but you knew that this happiness won't last. You felt the knife at the back of your head, but you kept going.

You had a wonderful little wedding in the gipsy style and you danced all night barefoot around the fire. You danced with Tommy, Arthur and Polly as well and everything was perfect, even without your family being there. The morning caught you and John between sweaty sheets, covering your naked bodies...

"You know I love you, right?" You whisper as you play with your fingertips on John's toned chest.

"Well, you married me. That should mean somethin' right?" He answers with a cocky tone and you laugh. When he laughs too, you can feel it in your entire body.

"Just answer it."

You carry on with it, wanting to hear it.

"I know you love me, [Y/N]. And you know that I love you."

But the secret that you became a Shelby didn't lasted too long after the wedding and you expected that.

You walk into your bedroom, still with a little smile on your face after the dinner you had with John. But something caught up your eyes.

You come closer to the bed and all the air stuck into your throat.

You can't breath as you see the black hand on your white sheets.

No words or explications.

Just a black hand and it was enough to know.

You don't even pack your things, you just run away far from that house, your family's house.

As you enter Polly's house, everyone is there cause they are having a family meeting and all their eyes are now on you. You are out of air and John quickly stand up to come to you; he was beyond concerned.

"They know."

And that's how the war started.

When John cut your brother, Angel, for Lizzie you were angry and jealous but you weren't hurt because of what he did. You knew your father won't let this go and that this was the end of the peace between the families. And the end of the peace between you and John.

Just a few days later, Grace died and she was killed for Angel and for the pubs Peaky Blinders took from them. Tommy was grieving and he didn't trusted you or anyone at all, beside Charlie. So John kept you away from it as much as he could, but it wasn't enough; he couldn't keep you locked until the danger it's gone. He was so protective and possessive that it drove you insane and you fought every night when he came home until the morning when he left again.

And days later, you found out that they killed your father. Tommy wanted to cut him, to kill him with tiny steps, but Arthur couldn't stand it and shot him in the head to end his pain. You hated your brothers, but you loved your parents in your kind of way. And you didn't wanted to, but you cried for a whole night and you were grieving. At this point you were literally down, knowing this wasn't the end. How much blood will be spilled?

You were at home with the kids most of the time and even if you loved them and they made you smile despite everything, John's absence was hurting you.

The Shelby family was falling part; everyone was on their way, but no one was safe and you all realized that weeks later when you received black hands on Christmas Eve. John hoped that the hand wasn't for you as well, that you are safe, but both of you knew better than this. You were a Changretta, you became a Shelby and it was a Vendetta going on. You all had a red target on your back, including you.

"Where do you think you're going?"

John is right at the door leaning on it as you grab your coat, but you stop at the middle of the action, slowly turning your head to him just like a robber would.

"I need some air."

"No, it's late. Go to sleep."

"Only if you come too" you whisper knowing too well that he try his best to stay awake and watch over the house and usually he just fall asleep on a chair.

He was unsure, but you pull him closer to you and you grab his face as you talk with a lower voice, looking right into his eyes.

"It's like a nightmare...Being without you. Come in our bedroom, please John."

You keep repeat it until he finally nod and you deep kiss each other, feeling like it was the first time in weeks.

And that was your mistake.

The next morning you woke up dizzy because of all the noises and Michael was there. You and John were confused and he tried to cover you up with the sheets.

"What's happenin?" You ask and you are already scared.

"Nothing, love. Dress up and wait here, okay? You heard me?"

You slowly nod while catching his fingers with yours; John quickly kiss your forehead and hand before reaching to the door with Michael. You watch him with teary eyes and you don't want to let go of his hand, but he's smiling at you.

"I love you, [Y/N]."

"I love you, John, but stay here, please. Don't leave me alone."

You want to get up, but you can't because Michael is here and you're not wearing anything else beside the sheets. So you just watch him walk out the door with Michael, feeling like he left for good. And you know for sure that he feel it too.

That's why you dress up in hurry and follow them outside. Michael looks panicked and is trying to convince John to leave, to gather the family together at Polly's.

"I agree with him." You talk and they both turn with their faces to you. John eyes grew wider and he runs a hand over his head, not knowing what to do.

"[Y/N], I told you to-..."

"Shut up and listen to me for once, John!" You scream in his face as you walk outside and you take a gasp of air, keeping your calm. "Please, baby...I beg you. Let's go to Polly's. I have a bad-..."

"John!" Michael screaming John's name it's the only thing you hear when you look over your shoulder and see a trailer filled with hay that pulled up outside your house. You frown when the hay suddenly disappeared and several men with guns appeared in it's place.

"[Y/N] come on!" You don't even hear Michael screaming at you and trying to move you, to get you back inside, but you don't wanna take any steps.

"Get her inside now!"

John pull his gun up, ready to fire back at them and all the noises are far away in your head as you only see John, as you only think about him. You grab his under shirt, trying to pull him inside with you and Michael, but you weren't fast enough. You don't even have the time to scream when pain spread across your stomach and chest from the bullets that are shattering you.

And John.

You take just one look at him and a tear drop on your cheek when you see his white under shirt being red now.

Michael can only watch in pure terror as you both fell at the ground next to each other, your bodies quickly covering in blood. You don't even feel all the pain anymore; probably it's too much that you are numb now. You look over at John, tears falling from your eyes because his are already closed.

"I've loved you...All my life." You whisper and you grab one of his fingers, closing your eyes and holding him for the last time and for the rest of the time.

#John Shelby #johnxreader #john x reader #reader x john #john shelby imagines #Peaky Blinders #peaky season 5 #peaky blinders imagines #peaky x reader #peaky blinder fanfic #PEAKY FOOKIN BLINDERS #peaky blinders spoilers #peaky fic rec

[mychemicalficrecs]

hi, do you know any good vampire frerard fics? :)

Hi Nonny!

I do know a few of those: check out this list that's all about Gerard as a vampire (and mostly Frank/Gerard). If that can't quench your thirst, try this list!I've read the first four of these (no. 2 & 3 are the same universe) but there are A LOT of fics about Vampire Frank/Gerard on AO3 and all of these looked really interesting, so there should be something for every taste!Some fics on this list have multiple pairings, I've added those to the descriptions when they seemed more than a background or past relationship.

Vampire Frank/Gerard

Gerard Way's (Vampire) Detective Agency by jjtaylor, Pennyplainknits, more ships in later fics, 164k, Mature, Teen And Up Audiences, General Audiences. Pete, in Decaydance Mansion, with a yarrow stake. Frank and Gerard, in the greenhouse, with a plant of questionable origin. Bob, everywhere you look, with a gang of assassins for justice. Vampires, valets, pamphlets, haunted furniture, dub-thrall, disembodied voices, zombie couriers, and sinister rituals.

They Came From Outer Jersey! by thatsfinewithus, Gen, Frank/Gerard, 25k, Rated R. New London Fire is an elite fringe government force assigned the task of protecting the earth from some of its more interesting threats: those from beyond the atmosphere or even the universe. They've handled dangerous cases before, but they've never seen anything like...ZOMBIES FROM SPACE. Vampires, long hunted in lore and legend, are now the earth's only saviors. There is little information as to who sent the creatures until Mikey Way, head of the NLF, finds out more by being abducted. Is it too late for him? Is it too late for the earth? Find out how six vampires, one government general, and one frustrated comic book artist save the earth in...THEY CAME FROM OUTER JERSEY!!

I Think I Thought (I Saw You Try) by thatsfinewithus, 3k, NC-17. Vampires, and MCR, and porn. Welcome to some weird AU world in which Gee only does awesome comics and Frank is a vampire.

A State Of Orange by gala_apples, Frank/Mikey, Frank/Gerard, 20k, Explicit. Being a halfling in a red state can sometimes cause issues for Frank Iero. He’s the weakest at Jett Clement High School, and probably the entire state (not counting the meal plans). His moods are oddly stable, as much as he tries to be mercurial. And being able to withstand the sun for up to twenty minutes only allows him more time to be forced into chores. Still, his parents are insane if they think he’s going to be happy about their decision. Frank doesn’t want to move to a Mixed state. How is he supposed to get great friends? How is he supposed to find great food? How is he supposed to have great sex? But Frank doesn’t have a choice. He’s New Jersey bound for the next year, if not longer. He’ll be surrounded by tame vampires who have been nagged out of a sex drive, and humans he’s not allowed to eat. Mixed states suck. Lucky for him, not every person in Jersey sucks.

All's Night by MizErie, 16k, Explicit. The war between humans and vampires has been raging for centuries. Too long according to Frank Iero. But if all humans aren't considered equal, what chance do vampires have in the fight for equality? That's why when Frank bought and began running his small bar, The Jukebox, he also implemented All’s Night. All’s Night began as an all-inclusive Tuesday night for tolerant humans and vampires to come together and socialize. Its popularity in the community has grown, and Frank has since started hosting All’s Night on Thursdays as well. Those are his two favorite nights of the week.

Life as a Process by ViciousVenin, 57k, Explicit. Frank's college experience isn't exactly what he was hoping for. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life, his RA scares him, and his roommate Gerard seems pretty weird. Really weird, actually, but not in a bad way. As the two of them get closer, Frank finds that Gerard is one of the most interesting people he's ever met, and cute as fuck to boot. Frank just wishes he could figure out what Gerard is hiding...

The Life You Always Dreamed Of by caffienedcold, 180k, Mature. You’d think having grown up in New Jersey, Frank would’ve outgrown his horror movie fixation. But no, he’s thirty, teaching Italian in fucking Rhode Island and he actually believes the student gossip that the art teacher is a vampire. So what if Frank has had an awful crush on him since the school year started? He’d helped Mr. Way move into his classroom and carried a box containing issue one of Doom Patrol, a Batman figure, and splattered tubes of screen printing ink. You really couldn’t blame him for the crush. And the vampire rumors? Icing on the cake. At least until it’s Frank’s blood on the line.

'Til the Sun Goes Down by BasementVampire, 2k, Explicit. Frank wants to fuck his best friend. Gerard wants to drink Frank's blood.

I Think I'd Go Insane Without You by hellborn, 3k, Mature. Gerard just smiles, his lips closed, eyes dark red and eager. Mikey covers his face with his hands and squeezes the empty bag between his calloused fingers, "I must be out of my goddamned mind for even considering this." A dangerous, thin-lipped smirk spreads across Gerard's face and Mikey can see row after row of long, sharp, teeth gleaming from between his bloodstained lips, "Come along, Mikes, it's time to dig up my boyfriend's dead body!"

Mortui Non Mordant by Tezy, 32k, General Audiences. “Does that matter right now? I’m – fucking dead, man. I wanted to do so much shit with my life before I died!” “You still can,” the guy said. “Like, nothing’s stopping you.” Gerard leapt to his feet, aghast at how casually he was treating his death. That wasn’t very good manners. “Except being dead.” “What did you want? Fucking ballet dancing at your funeral? Get over it, we all did.”

Those Cemetery Eyes by corruptedkid, 11k, Explicit. Every second Gerard was absent, Frank felt like there was a hole in his chest. The day Mikey showed up at his doorstep blotchy and tearstained, the hole collapsed into a supernova, turning him inside out and swallowing him whole.

at midnight all the agents by orphan_account, 18k, Mature. "I'm so, so sorry, I didn't meant to kill you," the black-haired man said in a distressed voice.

we only come out at night by cemetery_driven, 2k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gerard and Frank are just stupid vampire boyfriends.

Vampire AU by Andromedas_Void, 26k, Explicit and Teen And Up Audiences. Mister Francis Anthony Iero, Junior, Your presence is requested this evening at 221 Upper Birch Lane, North London. A carriage will be awaiting you at 3:00 pm sharp. Cordially yours, Gerard Arthur Way, Esq.

burning up in the sun by akamine_chan, 12k, Explicit. Life hasn't been the same since the Rift. Frank hadn't been planning on getting stuck in this stupid town, kept captive in the sketchiest bar in the universe, chained to the counter like an animal. And just when he'd been sure that nothing could surprise him anymore, he was rescued by a rock 'n' roll band of vampires. He hadn't seen that one coming.

There's A Lot Of Vampires Out There by iamdali, 27k, Explicit. In the year 2025 over 90% of the word's population are vampires. These days, vampires don't have to prowl alleys for human victims, massive medical co-operations mass produce blood and inject it in to every day food. Gerard Way is an office boy for one of the biggest companies in the US, and when he's not paper pushing for Vladimir Co he's plotting to find his still human brother with his companion, Frank.

Like a Secret In Your Throat by frankie_ann, 10k, Explicit. Frank sells himself as a live-in housekeeper/boyfriend. Gerard is a vampire (and independently wealthy artist) with a deeply unhealthy blood addiction who could use a hand around the house now that Mikey is off at school. …Mostly there’s a lot of porn. And blood. And I do believe in happy endings.

(To Die Will Be) An Awfully Big Adventure by FayJay, Frank/Gerard, Lindsey/Gerard, 73k, Mature. Gerard has always vaguely liked the idea of being a vampire, in much the same way he's always vaguely liked the idea of time travel, or of being a pirate - but it's only when he wakes up dead that he realises that not all his fans (or friends) are actually human. This is rather a shock to the system, but Gerard does his best to deal with the fact that he's now an undead American, and he's lucky enough to get a little help from an unexpected corner. Just as he thinks he's starting to get the hang of being a vampire, however, everything suddenly goes to hell in a handbasket, and before he knows it there are angry vampires slayers chasing him around LA, and an urgent appointment with the Fairy Queen looming before him... A story about love, family, metamorphosis, art, trust and geekery.

Cycle of Souls by Green, Gerard/Mikey, Frank/Gerard, Brian/Gerard, 49k, Explicit. Gerard loses his brother in the 17th century, and is turned shortly after. He grieves for his lost brother for centuries, but becomes content when he meets a man named Frank. Now, in the 21st century, he sees someone who looks exactly like his lost brother. In fact, he's positive the young Mikey is his dead brother come back to life. Will Mikey accept a vampire into his life, or is Gerard destined to lose him yet again?

#fic rec list #frank/gerard #frerard #vampires #alternate universe

[stronglyobsessed]

Hartwin father/son Fathers Day - Eggsy and eggsy’s little one give Harry a grandpa present for Father’s Day

Okay! So this turned out A LOT longer than I thought! It is 2.5K and I hope you enjoy!!!

Thank you SO much for such a cute prompt!

*It’s long so located under*

Here is the link for it on AO3!

Manners Maketh Grandfather

“Daddy!” A small voice called beside his ear. Eggsy rolled toward the sound, one eye cracked open to see a crystal blue set staring at him. “Happy Father’s Day!” Caleb claimed happily.

Before Eggsy could properly thank his four year old, a homemade card with ‘Happy Father’s Day’ written in his wife’s beautiful cursive on the front was thrust into view. Although the little hearts, cupcakes, flowers and stick figure form of what could only be Eggsy and Caleb, were clearly his son’s work. Behind him Tilde stood holding a plate that contained a generous stack of pancakes, eggs and bacon. She was immaculate, of course, with her blonde hair tossed in a messy bun. A tired smile lit her face, as her other palm mindlessly rubbed her protruding stomach.

“Thank you!” Eggsy leaned over the side to collect his son, bringing him under the sheets to cuddle him close. Caleb went without complaint, as always, and instinctively curled against Eggsy’s chest. He made sure to take the construction paper card and place it on the nightstand; he’d look at it later, right now he wanted a snuggle.

Caleb stayed put for a whole five minutes before he scurried back out, taking Eggsy’s card with eager hands. “I made this for you, Daddy!”

Eggsy beamed happily at his boy, Tilde now moved to sit next to them while Eggsy sat propped against the headboard. Caleb clambered to rest between his legs, giving Eggsy his card to read.

“Mama helped me with the words.” But Eggsy could see where his son tried to write his name. “But I told her what to say!”

“You did,” Tilde confirmed. She reached out to brush blonde wayward strands from their son’s forehead. “And he even helped me make breakfast!”

“I love it!” Eggsy promised after he read it aloud and dropped a loving kiss to the crown of Caleb’s head. “And I can’t wait to eat what you’ve made! Helping Mama cook, you’re getting so big!” His heart hurt at the reality. Their first baby wasn’t such a baby, and next fall he’d start nursery school just as they’d welcome their daughter.

“How's my princess doing?” Eggsy reached forward to rub where his girl resided. There was a soft kick against his palm. “Hello my love, good morning, Daddy loves you,” he cooed, just as he always did every day.

“She’s right as rain, sitting on my bladder and using it as her personal trampoline.” Tilde covered his hand with hers. She gave a quick squeeze before letting go, and took the tray to place over Eggsy’s lap, which also covered Caleb’s. “Happy Father’s Day, darling.” She murmured, lips hovered his skin before she pressed a tender kiss to his forehead.

Eggsy tipped his face, a hand cradled her cheek to guide into a full, delicate kiss. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.” She promised with an elated grin as Caleb made a face.

“Stop kissing! Daddy has to eat now!” Both parents laughed.

Eggsy tucked in as his son instructed, his son assisted in the consumption of his pancakes. It was perfect, a little noisy as Caleb romped around the bed with JB, but one of the best Father’s Day. Although Eggsy found himself saying that each year since becoming a dad.

“Come my little love. Time for a wash up and proper clothes.” Tilde herded Caleb off the bed. “Remember we have to finish the surprise for Grandpa, yes?” She added, just as Caleb began to make his ‘I’m going to have a strop’ face.

Thankfully the mention of Grandpa had a smile on his face and rushing to toddle beside his mother. Eggsy watched with fond eyes as they left so he could get himself ready as well. He sent a quick text to confirm their meeting, of course he was reminded to be punctual. Which was fucking hilarious, because the man had little regard for punctuality in his career.

“Are we ready?” Eggsy held Caleb’s black peacoat for him to slip his little arms into. “You sure you’re okay here, babe?” He worried as Caleb plucked small feet into trainers identical to Eggsy’s. But today he wore a casual pair of dark grey trousers, a hunter green button down and a freshly shined pair of oxfords.

Caleb was dressed just as nicely, but refused to wear the oxfords his Grandpa had bought him. “Ready!” He proclaimed. “Mama, I can carry it!” Caleb made grabby hands for the box that contained what he and Tilde had made.

“I’m fine, Eggsy.” She assured him. “Don’t run with them, okay?” Tilde carefully placed it into Caleb’s waiting arms. “And be good for daddy, make sure to give Grandpa my love.” She lay a soft kiss to his hairline. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Mama! Bye!”

Eggsy placed a hand on the top of the eager one's head; Caleb ready to bolt out the door. “Hold it bud. Daddy has to say goodbye too!” He cupped Tilde’s face with his freehand, coaxing her in for a tender sweep of lips. “Take care of my girl.” He touched her tummy, where their daughter danced against his palm. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She promised, and they were off.

The drive to the Mews was short from the small home he lived in now. After Tilde renounced her title as Princess, and stepped away from the crown, they moved back to London. Eggsy continued to work for Kingsman, but on more local missions and the occasional overseas recon assignments. Nothing ever as risky as when he’d first become an agent. After the whole Golden Circle scare, and the loss of so many, they found the world a little less littered with insane, psychopathic villains...at least for now.

“We’re here!” Eggsy announced. Caleb cheered from his car seat, as if he didn’t have weekly visits here, or Sunday dinners at Grandpa’s. He collected his son, the homemade gifts and a box Eggsy had stowed away in the boot, and made their way to the door.

“I can press the button, Daddy?”

“Sure.” It was work to hold Caleb and juggle their offerings so that a tiny finger could press the doorbell. “Ah ah!” Eggsy cautioned when he started to push it again. “Let’s give him a minute, yeah?”

“Okay,” Caleb sighed mournfully. He’d end up spamming his grandfather with a string of chimes, if Eggsy allowed it.

He started to lose his grip on Caleb as he wiggled, getting restless that he couldn’t make the doorbell ring again, but just as Eggsy repositioned Caleb he heard precise footsteps approach the door. Caleb let out an ear shattering cheer when the door was opened, and Harry caught the small body that lunged toward his person.

“Caleb!” Eggsy hissed. “That is not polite!” But it appeared every ounce of manners, polite behavior and lessons to be a proper gentleman went out the window as Harry swung the boy onto a hip and hugged him.

Sometimes it was hard for Eggsy to separate Arthur and Harry at home. The man was a bit different since he’d ‘died’ and come back to life.

“Happy Father’s Day!” Caleb crowed. “We brought presents!”

Harry’s smile was soft, the softest Eggsy had ever seen it, and only for his son. “That was very generous of you, Caleb, but shouldn’t you be spending the day with your Daddy?” Eggsy kept Caleb’s presence a secret, but it looked like the older man enjoyed it quite a bit.

“Daddy’s here!” Caleb pointed out, with a face that could only be inherited from Eggsy.

“Yes, I am here. May I come in?” Eggsy grinned cheekily as Harry stepped aside, his arms filled with his boy, and the sight was something Eggsy would never tire of. “Happy Father’s Day.” He was finally able to wish Harry, giving him a half hug because Caleb dominated the other side, and pressed a loving kiss to Harry’s weathered cheek.

“Thank you, Eggsy.” He could hear the emotion stuck in Harry’s throat, as his remaining eye watered a bit. “Now.” Harry turned back to Caleb. Much like every time Caleb was in Harry’s presence, Eggsy took a back seat, and it’d been that way since the day his son was born; he didn’t mind a whit. “Shall we have tea, young man?”

“And open presents?!” Both men laughed at his excitement.

“We can.” Harry threaded fingers through Caleb’s blond strands. “Come. I have a full set in the sitting room. I think I even have a few biscuits for you.”

Eggsy wanted to argue that it wasn’t even lunchtime, but the words died on his lips when Caleb tightened small arms around Harry’s neck and a loud, wet kiss was slammed against his cheek. He wouldn’t deny his child, or the man he considered a father for over ten years, the simple joys that they seemed to bring one another.

They settled in, cuppas poured, and Eggsy sat watching two of his favorite men talk adamantly to one another. Though the conversation was led primarily by Caleb, who told Grandpa all of the neat things he’d done at home with his mother, and the mention of Tilde resulted in a thoughtful gaze from Harry.

“She’s good.” Eggsy reassured. “Trudging along with our little lady growing. Both are healthy and safe.” He was bloody excited for their daughter to be born.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Please pass on my love and well wishes to both ladies.”

“I will.”

That was about all Eggsy was able to get in before his son monopolized Harry’s time. Though it didn’t seem like the man minded at all. He never pegged Harry to be a kid person, but as soon as Caleb entered the world, Harry was determined to be the best pseudo grandfather. Eggsy and Tilde had formally asked him to be when he visited hospital, and Eggsy wouldn’t speak to a soul that Harry had wept a little.

“Caleb,” Eggsy said after an hour. “I know you really like talking to Grandpa, but how about we let him open what we brought?” The reminder caused his boy to hop up, darting off of the sofa and collected all that his small hands could hold.

“For you!” Caleb shoved them in Harry’s lap, and crawled to sit beside Harry once more. “I made mine. Daddy didn’t!”

Harry bit his lip, an amused glint in his eye. “Well, I’m sure your Daddy put a lot of thought into it as well, hm?” Caleb nodded enthusiastically. “This is a charming card. You made it all by yourself?” Harry held a piece of construction paper similar to Eggsy’s.

“Yep! Mama helped with the words!”

“Well done,” he praised Caleb. And much like his father the boy preened, always willing to receive compliments and praise for his work. “Now what have we in the box?” Harry waited with all the patience any grandparent would have, as Caleb grabbed said blue, white striped box and handed it to Harry. “Is this your handy work as well?” Harry wondered as he opened the top.

“Yeah! But Mama used the oven. I can’t.” Caleb sounded displeased by that. “I mixed and helped pour the batter in. Then we frosted them!”

Inside were a dozen chocolate raspberry cupcakes; Harry’s absolute favorites. Leave it to Tilde to ensure Harry got precisely what he enjoyed, instead of the vanilla and buttercream frosted ones Caleb would have suggested.

“Now isn’t this a treat.” There was clear restraint in Harry’s brown eye as he stared at the sweets. “I will be sure to have one after supper.” He nodded, closing the lid and set them aside like he wouldn’t dig right into them once they left.

“Do you like them?” Just as the question was spoken, Harry scooped Caleb into his lap to give a big, full armed hug.

“I love them so much. Thank you, Caleb.” Harry dropped a soft kiss to Caleb’s head.

“Good!” Caleb crowed, wrapping his little arms around Harry, or as near as he could. “Daddy.” He turned to Eggsy. “You have to give Grandpa your presents now.” Eggsy nodded as he collected the long, thin box he had beside him.

It was wrapped in shiny silver paper with an equally shiny blue bow on top.

“Here you are.” Eggsy handed it over with a soft smile. He had a lot more patience than his son when it came to gratitude and praise for gifts. And he supposed that had to do with being thirty five, though Harry would argue the patience wasn’t extended to work; he was right.

“Oh, Eggsy,” Harry breathed. A hand swept over the polished wood handle of the rainmaker, as the other curved to cradle the taffeta canopy and lifted it out. “This is gorgeous.” The awe in Harry’s voice was well deserved. It was the newest model Kingsman had to offer.

“Comes with all the bells and whistles.” Eggsy promised, even as his son scrunched his nose; clearly unimpressed with something so mundane. “There’s a message engraved, too.”

Harry smiled tenderly as he turned it to read the inscription. “Manners Maketh Man.” He gave a whispered chuckle. “Thank you.” Eggsy heard the emotion beneath two simple words.

He marveled at it for a moment longer before Harry stood to wrap Eggsy in a warm, tight embrace. Eggsy returned the affection in kind, tipping his face to give a delicate kiss against Harry’s wet cheek; a few tears slipped despite his saying so.

Harry cleared his throat, swiping at his face to get rid of the moisture. “This has been lovely. You both have outdone yourselves.”

This time, both Caleb and Eggsy gave identical sheepish grins. After the paper and rubbish was cleared away, they enjoyed another cuppa and helped Harry tidy up. Just as Eggsy loaded the last plate into the dishwasher, his phone pinged with a text from Tilde.

“Hey.” Eggsy got Harry’s attention. He gestured to the front door and said, “You feel like joining us for dinner? Tild is making Beef Wellington.” Harry’s eye lit up. “We would have plenty,” Eggsy promised before Harry could ask.

“Yeah! You have to come, Grandpa!” Caleb already bombarded Harry before he could even speak a word. “And you can tell me a story before bed.” He shifted pleading blue eyes toward Eggsy. “Right, Daddy?”

“Of course! Grandpa is more than welcome to take over tuck in time. If he’d like.”

Harry scoffed, clearly offended there was even a question. “I really don’t want to be trouble. It is Father’s Day, and you should spend it with your family.” It was Eggsy’s turn to feel insulted.

“Dad,” Eggsy murmured, a name he used on and off in the recent years. The way Harry’s breath caught tugged at Eggsy’s heart; Harry was not used to hearing it still. Eggsy took Harry’s hand and held it. “You are family, and we’d be honored if you came.”

It only took a second for Harry to compose himself, evident that Eggsy’s declaration of his spot in the family caught him off guard, but it turned out in the best possible way.

“I’ll get my coat.”

Eggsy’s ears were filled with Caleb’s cheering and the quiet sound of Harry sniffling as he donned his jacket.

As Eggsy thought earlier, it was the best Father’s Day ever.

#eggsy unwin #harry hart #tilwin #Kingsman #prompt #cute #fathers day #adorable kids #eggsyobsessed writes #mine

[fanficsandfluff]

Emotions Get the Better (8)

This one’s a bit longer than my other installments, I hope you all like it! I also really hope I’m not making Arthur too out of character. But y’all will let me know.

~~~~

It was date night!

You were excited and for once you didn’t feel much shame over how you felt. It was nice. You did realize the day before that you didn’t even give Arthur a real time to show up, so you didn’t know how to plan the dinner so everything was ready in time. 

You pulled your hair up into a bun and rolled the sleeves of your sweater up and got to cooking. While you were cooking, you were listening to a talk radio channel you frequented, usually because they had funny people on the show. And tonight was a hilarious comedian from another state, and he had you laughing out loud as you prepared dinner. 

You let out a laugh just as you put lamb chops into the pan to start cooking, sizzling as they hit the butter, and you just about missed the knock at your door. You cursed under your breath as hot butter splattered onto your arm when you put in another chop, “Coming!” you yelled as you left your station and went to the door. 

You opened up and there was Arthur, dressed in a button down shirt, vest, and dress pants. It looked like the same thing he wore to Pogo’s. You smiled, “Hi! Come on in, make yourself at home. I just gotta finish up in the kitchen, sorry,” and you went off to watch the potatoes that were probably about to boil over on the stove. 

Arthur chuckled at her erratic nature. He almost didn’t show up, mostly because he kept thinking he dreamt his interaction with Y/N in his doorway. But he pushed himself to come to the written address and now he was very happy he did. He put his shoes neatly next to the other by the door and stepped inside. The smell of the food made his mouth water. And he took a little walk inside her living room, looking at all the pictures she had and what her couch looked like and at the pattern on the rug. Everything. And he liked how everything looked. 

“Can I help with anything?” Arthur asked, approaching you in the kitchen.

“No, I’m fine. I got this under control.”

“You sure?”

You looked over your shoulder at him and smiled, “Actually, can you set the table? Everything’s over there,” you nodded to a spot on your kitchen countertop where you had stacked what needed to go onto the table but never made it. Arthur happily obliged. 

“Wanna hear something funny?” you spoke louder over the radio currently on commercial break, mashing potatoes as you went, “I almost expected you to come in your clown outfit.”

Arthur chuckled, “Why would you expect that?”

“I dunno, my mind is just weird.”

“Well,” Arthur set the forks out at each plate and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a red nose, “I do always have this on me.”

You looked over and laughed pretty loudly, “Oho my god! That’s amazing!” and you set the potatoes aside to finish off your lamb chops in the oven. 

Arthur seemed emboldened by your laugh, so he stuck the nose on and cartoonishly started to walk towards you again. You didn’t pay him much mind, focusing on transferring roasted brussel sprouts into a dish. Then you saw him twirl and take one of your ladles hanging from its place on your kitchen wall, positioning it like a fencing sword in front of him. 

You looked at him like he was a little insane, “Aaaalright, D’Artagnan,” you chuckled and held the dish with the veggie out in front of you, “Can you bring this to the table, please?”

Arthur, or should you say Carnival, saluted you and took the dish from your hands. 

You finished up the rest of the meal and went to join Arthur at the table. He pulled off the red nose before he sat, smiling at you. 

“Thank you for coming,” you told him. You wanted to say thank you again for when he saved your life, but you just didn’t want to bring that up.

“Thanks for the invitation,” and he started filling his plate with food.

You both took your first bites, and Arthur said, “Everything’s delicious.”

“Really? Thanks, I thought I oversalted the potatoes and the lamb was kinda tough--”

“Delicious,” Arthur said again, grinning at your overreaction, “I never eat like this at home.” 

There was another quiet filled by the radio still talking. The comedian was still going, and you snorted into your drink when you were taking a sip, quickly grabbing a napkin to cover your increasingly red face. Arthur looked up.

“Is everything ok?”

“Y-Yeahah... yeah, sorry,” you chuckled, wiping your nose and mouth off, “It’s just.. the radio. You ever listen to this? It’s called Comedic Comedians Nightly. Not a very creative name, I know. But I think you’d like it. They bring on new comedians every night.”

“I haven’t heard of it. I mostly just watch the Murray Franklin show.”

“Oh, you’re a fan?”

“Yeah. Do you like him?”

“Actually, I’ve never really watched his show,” you admitted and Arthur looked shocked and betrayed all at once, which made you laugh again, “I knohow, I know! It’s like a staple for every Gothamite. I just don’t like the whole guest interview stuff, sue me.”

“We can watch him tonight, if you’d like,” Arthur immediately offered, “Just watch the opening bit he does with his standup. You’ll like it.”

You had to smile and you pretended to think about it, “Weeellllll....” you watched his face contort in anticipation of your answer, “Sure, why not.”

Arthur smiled in relief, his whole body relaxing. The two of you continued to eat the dinner you’d prepared. 

“You know what’s weird, ever since that night, I always feel like there’s someone following me whenever I go to work,” very abrupt change of topic, but you just had to talk about your experience. You kept it bottled up ever since it happened.

Arthur tensed up when Y/N mentioned that. He looked right at her. How was he going to say that maybe that feeling was real? How would he admit that he’d been tailing her a few days out of the week, not all of them. He knew it wasn’t all the time. Just a couple times. He knew where she worked, he just wanted to make sure she made it safely. She was the only person in so, so long that treated him like he was a normal human being, that actually liked him. Would she get mad? She wouldn’t want to see you again. Oh fuck, you’re so fucking stupid, you fucking perverted creep...

Arthur let out a laugh, and then a hand flew to his mouth. You stared at him, confused. 

“Uhumm.. was that funny?” you asked, a little hurt that he would think your concern was amusing; and you knew he wasn’t laughing at the soup commercial playing from the radio. 

Arthur shook his head and he laughed again, almost doubling over from it. Now it was an almost continuous stream. 

“Arthur?” you grew concerned once you saw him loop a hand around his throat and a choking noise made its way through the laughter. It was strained, definitely. His eyes showed no joy a normal laugh would produce. He kept shaking his head and he held out an arm to stop you when you made the move to stand up, the other one digging through his pockets. 

The laugh died down to chuckles and Arthur kept trying to clear his throat as he finally pulled out, with shaking hands, a white card. 

“I-I’m sohoaha--- sorry, hehehe...”

He extended his hand to you with the card in it, and you reached across the table and took it.

Forgive my laughter. I have a condition. (more on back)

You looked up at Arthur, mouth agape. But you turned the card over as he had to ride out the last of his laughs. When you finished reading the card, he’d stopped laughing. He looked disgraced, like a kicked puppy; his head hung low, eyes not wanting to meet yours.

“Arthur, I... I didn’t know, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Please. You didn’t do anything.”

“You live with this? Every day?” you couldn’t believe this was a real mental issue and that someone so kind had to experience this on a daily basis. 

Arthur nodded his head in response. 

“Is it painful?”

Arthur looked up at you for the first time since his outburst and he nodded once more. You frowned and looked at the card in your hands. You just noticed it says to return it after reading. He gives this card to people as an excuse for something completely out of his control. The brain injury part of the card also concerned you. It sickened you, thinking of the ways people must treat him out in public if this happened out of nowhere. 

“Are you okay now? Do you need anything?” you stood up anyway, ready to get him something. 

“No,” Arthur said.

You sighed and handed his card back to him. 

“I’m better now. It passes.”

You went into the kitchen and filled a glass with water and brought it back to him. 

“Thank you,” he took the glass from you, his fingers brushing over the back of your hand as he took it. You nodded and sat back down, appetite still there but diminished. Even Arthur kept eating after he drank the water. The two of you were full eventually, and that’s when you started clearing the plates. Arthur stood and helped you put the dishes into the sink. 

“Don’t feel bad for me,” Arthur said when he was right beside you by the sink. 

You looked up at him and said, “Well, I do. I feel bad that you have to live with this horrible... thing! Is there anything I can do? Is there like a procedure I can follow if you have another outburst to kind of lessen it, or...?”

Arthur had never heard someone act so concerned about his condition before this moment. Not even his own mother ever offered to comfort him if he was going through an attack. 

“I don’t think so--- no one’s ever tried,” he answered honestly. 

You felt worse for him and you gently placed a hand on his chest, “I’ll figure something out, then. To help,” and you brushed the material of his vest with your thumb before you took a breath and said, “I’ll be right back,” and you headed off to your bathroom. 

It was medication time, so you opened your medicine cabinet and took the medicine collectively, washing them down with some sink water cupped in your hand. You took an extra three or four minutes to yourself in the bathroom, taking deep breaths and trying to center yourself. Arthur probably didn’t want to talk about his condition and by you bringing it up, it was making him uncomfortable. Don’t be so insensitive. Be playful with him. It seemed he liked it earlier when you were loose and letting him be himself. 

You exited the bathroom and heard running water, so you went back to the kitchen, seeing Arthur busy washing the dishes. What a sweetheart, you almost squealed. Instead you walked as close to him as possible without him noticing you from behind and said, “Did I say you could wash the dishes?”

Arthur jumped and spun around, one sudsy hand splashing some water on your shirt, “Sorry, sorry, I was just trying to help..”

You chuckled and took the plate from his hand and then the sponge from the other, “You did. Thank you so much. Make yourself comfortable in the living room, I’ll be there in a sec,” you flicked your now wet fingers in his direction as retaliation for him getting your sweater wet. He winced when some water hit his face and you laughed softly. 

Arthur smiled and he felt his heart was about to burst. Her cadence was so gentle, so playful, and it made him not want to ever stop looking at her smiling face. 

“You really do have a great laugh,” he complimented, leaning against the counter beside the sink.

“Yes, you’ve told me that,” you blushed, ducking your head so your focus remained on the dishes. 

“It’s true though. It’s one of the most attractive things I’ve ever heard.”

“Aharthur...” you said in a tone of warning, but your blushing cheeks and smile betrayed that sentiment. Fitting for a clown and coincidentally a guy who suffers from a laughing condition to say that he finds laughs attractive. 

“You’re distracting me,” you said softly, grinning when you glanced up at him. 

“Heh,” Arthur smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked at a clock on the wall and said, “I’ll go get your TV ready. Murray’s almost on.”

“Sure, I’ll be right there,” you smiled back at Arthur. You let out a breath when he left the kitchen, still smiling goofily. He was certainly getting better at flirting.

You finished the dishes and dried your hands on a dish towel before running over to the couch when you heard the opening theme. You folded your legs under you and got comfy on one side of the couch, Arthur sitting upright at the other. He draped an arm over the back of the couch. 

“You know, if you still don’t like Murray after tonight, I don’t see how we can get along anymore,” Arthur said, clearly making a joke.

You chuckled and prodded his thigh with your socked foot, “We’ll just have to watch the show and see, then, won’t we?”

You both settled in to watch the show, and Murray Franklin came out to a raucous applause from his live audience. Arthur seemed in his own world by this point, you could tell just by looking at him. His eyes sort of glossed over and his smile softened. You heard the audience make its first laugh of the night and you realized you were watching Arthur more than you were watching the show.

The jokes he made were very family friendly. A lot of them relied on puns. Arthur was chuckling happily to himself, and you really didn’t find Murray Franklin’s work very funny. A few times he made you smile, but that was the extent of it. 

Arthur seemed to be knocked out of his reverie and noticed when you wouldn’t laugh at a joke the studio audience went crazy for. 

He started to doubt himself. Well, he was certainly joking before about not getting along with her. But... Murray is a part of who he is. He grew up with him on the television screen being admired and loved by so many people. He was the male voice in the household when there was no other one besides his own. Arthur rifled through his jacket pocket until he pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. He stuck one in his mouth and looked at you, “May I?”

You looked over and nodded, “Yeah, go ahead. I don’t mind.”

Arthur took his first puff and he visibly tried to relax. You were on him more than on the show at this point. You could tell he was hitting the cigarette in more than a leisurely way. 

The show moved into its interview segment, and you were interested because you knew the first guest on the show.

“Crazy how he films this right here in the city, huh?” you said. 

“Yeah, well, he’s a very down to earth guy,” Arthur contended, “He belongs to the people.”

Interesting way of saying that, for sure. You watched Arthur lean forward and put out his cigarette butt in the ashtray on your coffee table. When he leaned back, his legs both started to visibly shake. Oh god, he was getting anxious again.

“You okay?” you leaned over to his side of the couch and rested a hand on his bouncing thigh. He looked at you so suddenly his hair whipped around.

“You aren’t enjoying yourself...”

“Says who?” you ask, indignantly. 

“Well, you’re not liking the show.”

“Whoho cares?” you smiled at Arthur, adding pressure to your hand on his thigh because it was still bouncing away, “But you like him, and that’s what matters. If you’re enjoying yourself, good. Don’t be so concerned about me.”

Arthur soon stopped his shaking and looked right at you. 

“Look, they’re back from commercial break,” you scooted closer to Arthur and kept your eyes on the screen, “I like the actress he’s interviewing.”

Arthur was still looking at you. His arm that was draped over the back of the couch grew stiff when you nestled into him snugly. 

You chuckled a few times at the quips that were being made between actress and host. 

“I wanted to be an actress when I was younger,” you said, still mostly looking at the television screen.

“You did?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“I grew up,” you grinned, a little sad, “It’s too cutthroat of an environment, and that career path was not that stable. But that’s also partially why I work at a theater. Get it?” you moved your hand back onto Arthur’s thigh, toying with a piece of bunched up fabric, “I hope you have better luck being a comedian than I did trying to be an actress, Arthur. I really do. You have a great comedic idol to look up to,” you pointed at the screen. 

Arthur didn’t want to let it show but every time she touched him, it sent shivers up his spine. Affection wasn’t a much-utilized word in his vocabulary. But here she was, touching him so willingly. 

“I think you would’ve been a great actress. I would’ve watched your films,” Arthur said, his voice coming out softer than usual. 

“You’re sweet,” you smiled and looked up at him. At that moment, the both of you talking, your noses almost touched. You stayed wrapped up in each other’s gaze for a bit longer, and your lips parted. But then you smiled and pulled away slightly. Why’d you do that!?

“Sorry,” you and Arthur both whispered at the same time, making you each smile bashfully. 

You turned back to the television, but you did notice a small tent growing in Arthur’s pants, making you blush hard. You could still feel his eyes on you. 

“And always remember... that’s life!” and the blaring horns of the studio band played, bring you and Arthur back to a reality that you both seemed to have left.

“I like the Murray Franklin show. You converted me,” you smiled at Arthur and stood to switch channels on the television. 

“Oh, good,” Arthur chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. He stood up as well. Well, he might as well use the bathroom while he was up. She probably was going to kick him out soon enough. He turned and went into the next room for the bathroom.

Sirens blared on the outside, also drawing you depressingly back down into the reality that was Gotham City. You had the news on and plopped back down on your couch. 

Arthur relieved himself and washed his hands, looking at himself in the mirror. He felt like being nosy and pulled back the mirror that was also Y/N’s medicine cabinet. He saw the usual things like deodorant, her toothbrush, toothpaste... and then he saw the familiar orange pill bottles. He lifted each of them up, reading what they were. Arthur smiled and sighed from happiness. She got it. She’d understand and wouldn’t ask questions about his antidepressants or his mood suppressers. They even got their prescriptions from the same pharmacy. Arthur put everything back where he found it and left the bathroom.

“It’s getting late,” he said when he saw you sitting on the couch still. 

“Yeah, um, are you gonna be okay going home this late?”

“I’ll be fine,” he smiled at you.

You stood up, “I had a great night, Arthur. Thank you for coming. I want to do this again.”

Arthur smiled, “Me too. I would do this every night if we could.”

You smiled back at him at that sweet comment, “Do you maybe, um, want my phone number?”

“Yeah, sure!” Arthur seemed like he let out a held-in breath when he accepted that offer.

You giggled and walked to the hall where you had a pencil and a pad of paper always, and you wrote your name and your phone number, “This way we can coordinate better. Instead of me, like, coming to your house out of nowhere,” you chuckled.

“If you did that more often, it would be a relief, trust me,” Arthur smiled at you and took the note. 

Your cheeks flushed for what felt like the millionth time that night and you smiled, “Well, goodnight. I do want to see you soon.”

“I do, too,” Arthur said in return.

And you were both at the front door and left it at that. You shared smiles and you reached across Arthur, opening the door for him. He left, still turning to look back at you, which made you chuckle. 

When you were alone in your apartment again, you took a few quick breaths and couldn’t stop smiling. You liked him. Really liked him. And he seemed to really like you! You changed into your pajamas and flopped into your bed. 

“Hey, Y/N!”

Hearing such a distant shout and hearing your name made you jump from your bed and go to the open window by your bedside. You wrenched it open more and stuck your head out. Down five stories below was Arthur, red nose on, and waving.

You laughed and waved back.

He did a little jig and spun around a few times before skipping down the street. You laughed some more, watching him go. He was nuts! But maybe that’s why you liked him. You would mark this first date down as successful, in your books. 

#arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck #reader insert #joker #date night #on a date #sweet #flirting #you're falling for him #joker x reader #arthur fleck x you #joker x you #arthur fleck x y/n #joker x y/n

[phantoms-lair]

I’ll Face Myself part 2

He probably seemed calm on the outside, but that was because he had too many emotions vying for control. Arthur kept his eyes glued to the path as he navigated the van, trying to hit the magic balance between speed and a smooth ride that would get the other him to the spot where the ambulance was (hopefully) waiting with making his other self’s injuries worse.

And that was something he really didn’t want to think about. He was going to cling to the idea of some sort of alternate timeline thing happening, because he really didn’t want to think time travel. That what he saw was how he was going to die, shunted into a portal to the past without his Vivi or Lewis.

Almost half a dozen times he opened his mouth to suggest turning the van around. He knew if it were him (and it might very well be) he’d prefer to risk death if it meant not just up and leaving Lewis to die. Sure Mystery was with him, but what could one small dog do against a monster like that? The only thing that stopped him from saying it was he knew if it was another Lewis or Vivi lying back there, he’d never even think of it, so he had a feeling Vivi wouldn’t take the suggestion well at all.

What he finally settled on was “When we meet with the ambulance, go with him. I’m going back for Lewis and Mystery.”

“Are you insane?” Vivi hissed, pressing her scarf and sweater against the gaping wound, “That thing was trying to kill the other you.”

“Exactly, it would focus on me, which would give Lewis and Mystery a better chance of escaping.”

Vivi growled. “Arthur Kingsmen listen up, because I am only going to say this once. You are not expendable. You are not bait. We are not going through all of this to save a different version of you just for you to get yourself killed. Me, Lewis, and Mystery are in considerably less danger. So you’re going to be riding in the ambulance and I’m going to be going back to help.”

“And I’m not willing to lose the two people who matter most to me just to save my own skin.” Arthur snapped. “What if the reason Lewis wasn’t with him was because he died tonight, Vi? What if Lewis died protecting me while I ran away?” He hadn’t meant to say that. Hadn’t meant to give voice to the fear he was deeply trying to bury.

“You think I haven’t thought of that?!” Vivi choked back a sob. “You think I don’t know that Lewis could already be dead?” “Lewis-” The other Arthur seemed to come around a little. “I need to find Lewis. I need to-” his voice broke off. “He threw me off a cliff…” the desperation in his voice gave way to a broken quality. One Vivi never wanted to hear out of any Arthur ever again. “Why Lewis? I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

Vivi wanted nothing more than to hold him, to run her fingers through his hair. But she needed both hands to put pressure on his wound. “Arthur, that thing wasn’t Lewis. I don’t know what it was, but Lewis would never try to hurt you. He’s our gentle giant. You know that, right?”

Other Arthur blinked slowly. “You remember Lewis?”

“Of course I do.” How could she not?

He smiled. Well, the tips of his lips twitched, but that was probably the best he could do. “Your memory is back.”

Well that raised even more questions. But an idea occurred to her. “It’s coming back, but it’s not all there. Arthur, you said you had to find Lewis. Where did we lose him?”

“The cave...where I lost my arm.”

There was another topic she really wanted to get into, but not now. “The cave with the purple fog?”

“No, the green one. We took the high road, you took the low one. Then no Lewis, no arm. Just nightmares about the monster.”

“The skull monster?” Vivi prodded.

“No, the one with the teeth. He’s like Mystery, only big and with too many tails.”

Arthur and Vivi  breathed a collective sigh of relief. Whatever happened to other Lewis, it hadn’t happened tonight, in this forest, or at the hands of the skull monster.

A small mercy at best, but they’d take what they could get.

~

“He is not worth your protection.” The Wraith spat at Lewis.

“He’s worth every bit of it.” Lewis retorted. “Arthur’s my best friend. And death may have rotted that knowledge out of you head, but not mine.” Lewis knew there was little he could do to physically stop a wraith, he could simply fly over his head for crying out loud, so he had to keep it engaged, keep it talking. He didn’t think he could even feign sympathy for this monster, so riling it up was the only way to go.

“Best Friend?” The wraith scoffed. He looked around, taking in his surroundings. “The chupacabra case, right? The one that turned out to be a bear with mange?”

“Apparently.” Crud. His wraith self had lived through this, which made it all the more likely the two did come from the future. He hated the idea that this thing was what he would become. He just hoped this was something like Dicken’s Christmal Carol, where seeing his dark fate would help him escape it.

“And you haven’t noticed your so-called best friend has been pulling away. That he’s been putting a wall up between himself and you. That when he is spending time with you he’s quiet and surly.”

Lewis opened his mouth but shut it. Looking back it was true. He couldn’t even completely say he hadn’t noticed since now that he was thinking about it the memories were there. He just...hadn’t mentally flagged it as important. His heart sank a bit. Something was wrong with Arthur and he’d let it be. Was that the first step in becoming this monster? “Did you ask him what was wrong?”

“I didn’t have to. It was obvious. HE WANTED VIVI FOR HIMSELF! THAT’S WHY HE KILLED ME” The wraith’s rage roared to life, his hair becoming a purple conflagration.

Lewis was stunned to silence for a moment. “Are...are you completely insane! That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard” Lewis threw his hands up. “Arthur...have you met Arthur? I mean you’re me, so yes, but what the actual fuck? For one thing, Arthur knew Vivi before I did and had plenty of time to tell her he liked her if that was the case. Also you honestly believe Arthur is capable of killing anyone, especially me? He’s the most non-confrontational person I ever met, even when people are trying to hurt him. But sure, he totally would kill me, his favorite person to hide behind.” The sarcasm dripped like ichor.

“Behind me is exactly where he wanted to be.” the Wraith said darkly. “And it turns out he didn’t need much protection. He’s managed to escape my attempts to burn him alive, run the van off a cliff, or throw him down the same precipice he threw me down.”

Lewis felt his blood go cold hearing the version of him recite his murder attempts. The sheer ludicrousness of Arthur throwing him down a cave aside, the fact that his dead self had made at least three attempts at Arthur’s life was chilling, especially since there was still a chance the last one might have succeeded. But there was something else almost as bad in there

“You know, Arthur told me something after we found him." Lewis said coldly. “He was in pretty bad shape, but managed to get something out.”

"What was it?" The Ghost scoffed. "Excuses? Platitudes? I don't care about anything that comes out of his mouth."

Lewis didn't like the feeling that bubbled up inside him. It felt too close to the hate that this other self of his was made from. He watched the wraith closely as he repeated Arthur’s message. "Vivi was in the van too."

He wasn’t proud of the satisfaction he felt to see the wraith pull up short. His hair snuffed out and the mania gone from his eyes.

“No. No, she couldn’t have been.” Fear and worry suffused it’s voice.

“Did you even check?” Lewis couldn’t keep the growl out of his voice. “Or did you just try to kill Arthur without even thinking that maybe his best friend might be right there with him?”

The ghost made a small whining sound before turning and rocketing through the portal. Lewis let himself relax. Mission accomplished. The wraith was gone and wouldn’t be pursuing Arthur for a while. He could follow the path the van took and meet up with the others, presuming one was waiting for him and Mystery after the ambulance.

Only...Lewis glanced at the portal. On the other side was a possibly badly hurt Vivi and for all he knew the only one there to help her was the monster who’d hurt her in the first place. Could he trust his wraith self to take care of her?

No. He wouldn’t trust that idiot to care for a plant.

“I’m going after them,” He informed Mystery. “I need to make sure Vivi’s okay.”

“We don’t know how long that portal’s staying open,” Mystery warned.

“If you want to stay-”

“Of course I‘m going.” he cut Lewis off. “I couldn’t live with myself if I thought a version of Vivi might have died because I did nothing.

Lewis nodded. And together they headed into whatever future awaited them.

#MSA #I'll face myself #Ghost Writing

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around? I'm fallin' again I'm fallin' again I'm fallin'

-’Falling’ by Harry Styles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRDKoMcgavw

I’ve seen and read a lot of fanfictions where it’s told from the POV of one character and that inspired me to write this but... it’s not happy... much... and Harry Styles’ song just also inspired me to write out this fairly sad piece because that song is such a tearjerker man..

I like to this of this as an inside look of the witch's mind and thoughts as well as her opening up about her issues.

WARNING: This small piece contains mentions and/or references to suicide and intrusive thoughts. Reader discretion is advised.

Interestingly... I've come to realize that Amy's behavior makes sense if you know what Borderline Personality Disorder is and what the symptoms are. Many of which she actually checks out for. I study a lot of psychology in my spare time and to my surprise, Amy ended up showing some symptoms even though I swear to God it wasn’t my intention, it just kinda... ended up like that.

For more info or insight on BPD: 

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comic-perfectly-shows-jealousy-looks-232343129.html

https://psychcentral.com/lib/loving-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder/

Amy’s POV:

Apparently most children get their quirks at the age as early as 3 or 4, but when I was 4 years old I didn’t get mine. 5, 6,7,8,9, still nothing. That was it, I guess that just meant I was going to be quirkless forever, on the bright side at least I would be part of a minority that I could one day fight for I thought. If I’m gonna be quirkless I would own it. That’s what I told myself.

But then one day when I was 9 years old I woke up over my bed, floating around my room until my mom came in to make sure I came down safely. She told me everything, how her side of the family has a bloodline of witches that dates all the way back in the 1800’s and one of my great great great grandmothers or something had the same genetic affliction. Just like that everything became different, when I thought it was awesome at first, started to learn just what I am and who I am, and the history of all the great witches of the past. Slowly but surely I discovered more powers about myself, more powers I would one day learn.

Everything was brilliant… until the following year my parents were killed by witch hunters. Dad wasn’t even a witch, he was just an ally, he loved my mom and I more than anything, and they killed him for that. Worst part? When the heroes got to me before I could get barbecued, they didn’t even kill them.

I suppose that’s where it all begins though, after that they decided I wasn’t going to be safe enough here and that my new powers that were manifesting would be too much for them to handle. And because they didn’t want to deal with me, they called on the other witches on the other side of the world. From then on out, I had to leave my old life behind, my best friend and his family who treated me like family. I went from orphaned, to abandoned, to a bloodbath. 

As soon as I got to New Orleans everything else was just as unsafe. Asshole frat boys, an actual Minotaur man, fucking zombies, voodoo witches and of course MORE witch hunters trying to kill us. And also an immortal racist, a Frankenstein Frat boy, a tongueless butler who has tea parties and sex with dead teenage girls, a wicked voodoo deity and an old, axe-wielding serial killer that was once a ghost in Robichaux. Yup. But that’s just a perfectly average day at Robichaux, and a perfectly average day in my fucked up life.

At least I had my sisters like Zoe, Madison and Misty, and Ms. Cordelia and how can I forget Ms. Myrtle? That woman needs to be a fashion icon and I will do justice by her and make sure the world knows who she was. And even Ms. Fiona. The bitch who used to be in charge was pretty badass, I mean if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be the strong, independent witch bitch I am today. Yeah I have a ton of issues because of the borderline emotional abuse she dished out on me and the other witches but still...

My new sisters were by far the least terrible part of the entire thing. Which is why it still breaks my heart to think about how some of them died, because not all of them came back... 

Through all of that I kept myself up though. I learned how to fight back and fight alongside my sisters. I learned how to be strong, how to rely on myself and my sisters because we knew that no hero was going to come to our rescue. I had to be strong, I had to have thick skin and an elastic heart. Yeah that’s right I referenced Sia, she’s an awesome singer, just like Stevie Nicks. Amazing women, inspiring...

Sorry, getting off-topic. Anyhoo, I’ve realized though that it’s better that way. Being with the witches showed me the truth of the world, how the world looks at us and how it wants us to look. We have to be perfect, we have to be charming, we have to smile and look pretty. Why? Because the heroes have to be there to save the cute and pretty damsel in distress so they can feel powerful. 

This idea of heroes and villains is really all just bullshit... all of these villains I’ve seen thus far... they’re kittens compared to the evils and horrors I’ve seen here. It’s not just New Orleans, but I mean Bloody Face was a monster back in the 50′s, then the man who made the Hotel Cortez, he was pure evil and still haunts that hotel to this day. James Patrick March. Evil. Pure Evil and he murdered just to feel something, innocent people who didn’t deserve it. Dr. Arthur Arden, a.k.a Hans Gruper, the Nazi doctor who hid under a disguise and performed horrifying experiments on humans in the insane asylum of Briarcliff. Instead of helping those poor people, he just murdered, butchered and tortured them for his sick experiments. So many lives ruined, mutilated. The victim’s last moments were nothing but pain and a desperate wish for death until he put a bullet through their heads.

Murders, monsters, all of them. They all murdered for fun, and then even normal people were evil, the ones who valued their pride and selfish desires over anything and destroyed innocence itself just to achieve that. 

Those are the real evil people. All For One? Overhaul? Shigaraki? They couldn’t slice a loaf of bread with the amount of sharpness they had all put together. 

Those ‘villains’ that All-Might and my friend Midoriya have fought thus far are nothing compared to the monsters I’ve seen. They’re all a bunch of kitty cats, but I’ve seen and known killers. Real killers. Real monsters. 

A woman from an old asylum once said that ‘all monsters are human’ and she was right, because the monsters I’ve seen were humans. The worst of humanity and I've seen it all. What heroes choose to ignore though is that it's in all of us, and that those who choose not to do shitty things is what makes a hero apoarently. What a crock of shit...

But I guess monsters are just another thing that the heroes like to glamorize so they can fight and save the world from what they deem as the real monsters of the world. When I showed that I wasn’t a sweet and gentle girl as he believed, Midoriya looked at me like I was a monster, which just proved to me that he’s a part of what I’m fighting, and that that’s what this society wants, a good little girl who does good things all for the sake of this society. And I’m a monster because I’m not a good little girl, my sisters aren’t good little girls, no, we’re not a bunch of sad girls who are just waiting to be rescued, we’re witches. We’re not giving those motherfuckers the satisfaction of saving the poor damsels in distress because we’re not, we’re powerful and we don’t owe them anything, not a thanks, not a hug, not a flash of our tits and especially not a goddamn smile that men just love to see on women. 

Men like that are afraid of women like us, they’re afraid of women who aren’t afraid to get ugly and dirty our hands with blood. Afraid of women like me. And I learned how to fight, I was able to keep myself flying, because that was my first power, flight. I can fly based on how I feel, or on how much willpower I put into it. My power comes from my emotions and no fucking misogynist can tell me my emotions make me weak because I can do anything I want based on how I feel and how much willpower I have.

Lately though, it’s been nothing but willpower, as the older I get the more I realized that I’m not loved in this place. I wouldn’t be missed if I disappeared and I know it. I know it. But in life young people like me have to keep going even though we’re also gifted with the power of being painfully aware of all the bullshit that adults try to tell us is the truth, but we know better than that, they just don’t get that we’re not as stupid as we look. Although the sad part is, some of us ARE and they buy into the bullshit and try so hard to be the perfect little shitheads these assholes want us to be.

I can’t do that though, that’s not me. I wish it was sometimes though, who knows, maybe if I was that kind of person then maybe I would be liked by everyone, but that’s not me. Maybe that’s why I won’t be missed, maybe that’s why I’m forcing myself to fly every damn day just to make it through. Forcing myself to pretend that everything’s fine and smiling like a fucking idiot just to make everyone happy and not let them be miserable as me, but this shit’s hard, it’s hard to act like you’re okay when you’re not.

And I’m too aware of this shit, too aware to be truly ignorant and I call people out if I think they sound ignorant. So I’m not surprised when they end up leaving me or trying to tell me to be nicer and that I shouldn’t be blaming anybody or anything just because I’m a cynical and miserable bitch. Yeah, I’m a bitch but I can’t help it. At least I know my shit, I’d rather be a miserable bitch than an ignorant one.

Yet here I am, constantly miserable, constantly thinking and constantly aware that I’m nobody’s favorite person.

That’s just it. I’m not surprised by anything, because everything I do, everything I say, there’s always something bad behind it, that’s the idea I give everyone. I know it, it shouldn’t bother me but apparently, I can’t bring myself to fly because I’m happy, because I’m not. And then there’s always something that shows up in my life, something to make me feel some type of way, not a good way though. I can’t help the way I react to some things, I wish I could though, a normal person would be able to just go out and live life the way everyone else does. But I’m not normal. I never was. And every single day I’m reminded of it, every single day I remind myself it.

Every time I fly it’s through willpower alone, not because I’m so excited that my feelings can make me fly. No, lately I haven’t been able to feel a goddamn thing, and ironically that’s what hurts the most.

For someone who’s first gift was flight and for someone who’s powers allow them to fly, I’m just… falling. 

Constantly, every time I fly, I just feel like I’m falling as the weight of this world just keeps beating me down until one day I eventually hit rock bottom.  I don’t expect anyone to catch me, not even my loved ones. I feel like I’ve hurt them enough. Everyone I love, I end up hurting in some way because I’m just a jealous, overzealous, toxic and cynical bitch. I don’t deserve them and they don't deserve this. All this poison, all this anger and problems, I don't want that for them.

So I don’t tell them that I’m falling when I’m flying. If I’m gonna fall, I’m not going to drag them down with me.

Rock bottom almost doesn’t sound like a bad idea at this point. There are times where I get so frustrated with everything, so angry and so pissed off that I need to get away from everything and everybody and I let myself fly upwards. I just fly as high as possible, so high that I’m in the clouds and I can no longer see the rest of the world beneath me. 

God... sometimes I get so high that I just want to stay up there. I want to stay feeling so high and so powerful like nothing can stop me. I’m invincible when I’m up so high. And yet that honestly terrifies me too, because when I’m up so high I forget everything, even the things and the people I don’t want to forget. How could I ever want to forgive some of the people I love the most? 

When I remember them, that’s when I regain my vision and I start to see how high I’ve gotten, and how far it is to go back down. Everyone can see me and they can see how far I’ve gone, even up that high I can still see their disappointed faces and that just no longer makes me feel so invincible anymore. Because then I start to think ‘here I am’ up on top and yet I’m all alone up here. 

Sometimes when I’m up that high is when I start to think about just letting go of the willpower and letting myself fall from such a distance, close my eyes and just let everything go. Let the gravity just bring me back down until I hit the ground.

 And then I wonder, would that matter at all? Would it be better that way?

But as usual, I can never think of a fucking answer… other than that I should probably just go back home because I have people waiting for me. Ashlen, Hitoshi, Katsuki, Madison... I hope they're not too worried about me... I know they want to see me come home even though I’m the last person I want around, and I honestly don’t know how they want me around. 

Yet I guess it’s enough to make myself fly a little more, just to go back to them, because in the end I feel a little bit of something when I’m with them. They’ve moved my wicked heart, even when I think I’m better off dead, they make me fly. 

I don’t know if I saved myself, or if it’s them who saved me, because frankly it’s too late to save me, but I’m still here. I’m still here so I can go home and see them.

God... I haven’t been home for a while, but I’m on my way back home, I know they’re waiting for me, probably worried about me too.

Ash, Toshi, Katsu, Mads... You guys don’t have to worry, I’m coming home now. After all, I wouldn’t miss seeing your smiles for the world. 

#amy martinez #american horror story #american horror story coven #ahs coven #ahs coven oc #ahs coven original character #american horror story oc #american horror story coven original character #american horror story original character #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #bnha oc #mha oc #boku no hero academia original character #my hero academia original character #witches #sad #feminism #happy International women's day #mental health #ahs asylum #American horror story asylum

[janiedean]

Reading the JB + stump meta, I felt there could be so much to unpack also about gender/roles in Westeros, there. J not being (a) "whole" (man) bc he thinks he can't *fight* or *have sex with a woman* without his right hand, C thinking he could only "fumble at" her and downgrading him from ideal lover/"me as man" to "undesirable servant I'll let fill my cup", B still seeing him as fighter *and* attractive + wondering if he'd like her to be soft and helpless even while playing knight to his DID..

man you’re opening the hoover damn here if you want to talk to me about jaime and brienne’s gender roles reversal X°DDDDDDD ANYWAY SINCE YOU SO NICELY ASKED

first, as my bro @ofwickedlight​ has pointed out here and here jaime is actually pretty.... not toxic-masculine for westeros standards actually all the contrary, and he already doesn’t have the notions about women being supposedly inferior that most other people have (I’m referring you to those metas because they explain it better than I could here), so we’re already discussing someone who technically is starting from a better vantage point when it comes to deal with that notion

now, going on each specific point you said...

jaime:

as far as jaime is concerned his problem isn’t specifically tied to his lack of masculinity attached to the hand but the hand itself in the sense that if he was born to be a warrior taking it from him is basically taking his main source of pride/joy from him and it makes him useless on his job since it’s being in the *kingsguard*, and given that he can’t be with cersei in public of course he makes up for it with his chivalric prowess... which he doesn’t have anymore. like, that is a self-esteem blow of epic proportions because if he doesn’t have that then he has nothing else going for his supposed usefulness (and mind how he keeps himself alive also thinking he’ll see cersei again because that makes him feel like he can survive another day - if he doesn’t have his skills he’ll have the woman he loves/who loves him, right?) and he has to command the kingsguard without what makes him a knight and so on. now, the thing is that he has to eventually find out that he can fight and have sex and so on also without the right hand and that doesn’t define him whatsoever, but that doesn’t matter because the way he processes things as I said in that other post, he equates feeling good with both sex and sword fights, so taking his ability from one also might mean taking away the other and guess what, if you don’t count the sept sex, he and cersei haven’t really... DONE ANYTHING that’s not her trying to have sex with him and him refusing her when he realizes she’s disgusted since then, which could cement it. but it’s not that it makes him feel like a woman in a derogatory sense, it’s mostly about him feeling like he doesn’t have anymore what makes him good at his job or makes him cersei’s mirror, and mind that until he meets her again and it goes like shit he’s subconsciously aware that she wouldn’t like it if he looked different from her:

The reflection in the water was a man he did not know. Not only was he bald, but he looked as though he had aged five years in that dungeon; his face was thinner, with hollows under his eyes and lines he did not remember. I don't look as much like Cersei this way. She'll hate that.

now, if she loves him that much, should she give a damn? yeah, my point exactly. and while he tells himself that he has to go back to her, he knows subconsciously that she would hate for him to be back changed enough that she can’t recognize herself in him, which should already suggest a lot. but we also have another thing on the other side of the barricade, ie when he asks after brienne when qyburn’s treating him:

"I will ask after her. What is this woman to you?""My protector." Jaime had to laugh, no matter how it hurt.

and okay, he finds it hilarious for obvious reasons, but he doesn’t go and think it’s ridiculous. actually, he is the first one who says she’s his protector. AND, in the tub:

"Does the sight of my stump distress you so?" Jaime asked. "You ought to be pleased. I've lost the hand I killed the king with. The hand that flung the Stark boy from that tower. The hand I'd slide between my sister's thighs to make her wet." He thrust his stump at her face. "No wonder Renly died, with you guarding him.”She jerked to her feet as if he'd struck her, sending a wash of hot water across the tub. Jaime caught a glimpse of the thick blonde bush at the juncture of her thighs as she climbed out. She was much hairier than his sister. Absurdly, he felt his cock stir beneath the bathwater. Now I know I have been too long away from Cersei. He averted his eyes, troubled by his body's response."That was unworthy," he mumbled. "I'm a maimed man, and bitter. Forgive me, wench. You protected me as well as any man could have, and better than most."

now, I think people wrote novels of meta on here but for my purposes, note that first he thinks the sight of the stump distresses her when instead she’s most likely skittish because she’s bathing naked with another naked guy and from someone who thinks she’s ugly/undesirable, bathing naked with someone else is exactly the kind of thing that’d make you skittish, so it wasn’t the stump, then he tells her everything he did with it and she doesn’t care, and she only jerks up when he mentions renly and her failure to protect him, not before. THEN he gets hard looking at her and he’s... I mean, you can see that he has a pretty fucked up conception of sexuality if he thinks ‘okay I’ve been too long away from c.’ then ‘oh fuck she’s making me hot’ when she gets him hard, but never mind that. also, he’s troubled by his own body’s response which is what a fifteen year-old guy would even think and he feels halfway guilty for having felt attracted to someone else which again, he has a fucked up conception of sexuality, but never mind that, what does he say to apologize? ‘I’m bitter and you did a better job than most would have,’ ie: men, and he’s aware that she basically kept him alive throughout that entire thing and doesn’t think she’s lesser for it, all the contrary.

tldr: jaime himself doesn’t see his own condition as ending up in the damsel’s position as demeaning nor has any problem seeing brienne as someone who can and will do what most men would, and has no issue whatsoever with the idea of her protecting him, which is why I keep on saying that we’re in full on reverse gender-coded territory here and that jaime can’t give two fucks about it - he doesn’t, but because he’s gone outside gender norms when he was young and has no technical issue with the idea of women not being inferior and so on (and he also gives zero fucks about how you look, see tyrion), but at this point he doesn’t have the scope to see the entire situation and he has no idea of that nor that he might actually be having feelings when it comes to brienne because again, he’s spent all his life 100% convinced that he and c. are a package deal;

and count that we’re talking about a guy who romanticizes everything he touches to insane degrees - knighthood, his sister, his family and so on - and that when seeing that it’s not the case reacts seriously badly, *but* his relationship with brienne is pretty much devoid of it because when they met they didn’t like each other and he didn’t exactly put her on a pedestal, she earned it in his eyes same as he earned his place in her chart of people she actually admires/loves.

the rest is under the cut because this got long bye.

cersei:

I’ll try to keep this short and objective lest people decide I need to chill (*rolleyes*) but as you said, the thing is that again: cersei wants herself in a male body because she wishes she was born a guy so she could be in the position she yearns for ie tywin’s heir. period. jaime’s needs or personality or whatever matter zero to her but until he thinks they want the same thing then it’s all I’M NOT WHOLE WITHOUT HIM. except that (affc quotes):

"Fool. No one who wears a crown is ever safe." She looked about the hall. Mace Tyrell laughed amongst his knights. Lords Redwyne and Rowan were talking furtively. Ser Kevan sat brooding over his wine at the back of the hall, whilst Lancel whispered something to a septon. Senelle was moving down the table, filling the cups of the bride's cousins with wine as red as blood. Grand Maester Pycelle had fallen asleep. There is no one I can rely upon, not even Jaime, she realized grimly. I will need to sweep them all away and surround the king with mine own people.

"You were better, before you lost your hand. Ser Barristan, when he was young. Arthur Dayne was better, and Prince Rhaegar was a match for even him. Do not prate at me about how fierce the Flower is. He's just a boy." She was tired of Jaime balking her. No one had ever balked her lord father. When Tywin Lannister spoke, men obeyed. When Cersei spoke, they felt free to counsel her, to contradict her, even refuse her. It is all because I am a woman. Because I cannot fight them with a sword. They gave Robert more respect than they give me, and Robert was a witless sot. She would not suffer it, especially not from Jaime. I need to rid myself of him, and soon. Once upon a time she had dreamt that the two of them might rule the Seven Kingdoms side by side, but Jaime had become more of a hindrance than a help.

like: the moment he tells her ‘cersei you’re fucking up’ and actually tries to counsel her, after he loses the hand, he becomes.... MORE OF A HINDRANCE THAN A HELP. like. I need to rid myself of him. that’s.... not exactly what you think of someone who’s your other half or should love no matter what. and as you pointed out, the moment he loses the hand she basically downgrades him because he can’t be the man she wants to be and who cares about what he needs or wants, that’s not even taken into consideration. and tbh in that moment cersei is being more pro-reinforcing gender roles than she’d like to think because the moment he loses the hand (which makes him her male counterpart too, and one who can defend her in time of need like no one else could) and shows that he has a personality that’s, surprise!, not hers, she has no use for him anymore. also counting that cersei is the incarnation of internalized misogyny the whole thing certainly doesn’t go in her favor. and she’s actually pissed off he doesn’t fill her cup and throws it at him while full of wine later but never mind that, the thing is that for how much she hates men for holding her down as a woman she does the exact same thing to anyone else she can get away with including jaime, and that’s not loving someone back regardless because they’re your other half which is what jaime desperately wants instead. like jaime’s entire system is built on the idea that he loves her but she loves him back, and when he finds out it’s not the case, well, friendly reminder he did burn that letter and is trying to put himself back on track;

also: count that she dreamed THEY’D RULE THE SEVEN KINGDOMS, but jaime could have ruled the seven kingdoms when he killed aerys and when ned went inside the room he basically went and said OH HEY HELLO YOU’RE JUDGING ME TOO BAD BUT YOU WANT THAT THRONE? YOU CAN 100% HAVE IT BYE. like. it’s her dream. it was never his and she doesn’t even realize that, which says all about how much she’s aware of his emotional needs but nvm that.

brienne:

this one is the most complicated to unpack imo but that’s because brienne is in the sort-of-unique position of being the only one in between the two of them who manages to go past gender roles completely but actually doesn’t necessarily relish it;

as in: a lot of people assume that brienne wants to be a knight because SHE WANTS TO DO MEN THINGS but no, brienne wants to be a knight because a) it’s the job that better suits her built, b) it allows her to not being stuck at home in a role she hates surrounded by people who make her feel inadequate, c) it fits with her ideas about honor and allows her to have a chance at good things. as in, her key quote in acok was:

"Because it will not last," Catelyn answered, sadly. "Because they are the knights of summer, and winter is coming.""Lady Catelyn, you are wrong." Brienne regarded her with eyes as blue as her armor. "Winter will never come for the likes of us. Should we die in battle, they will surely sing of us, and it's always summer in the songs. In the songs all knights are gallant, all maids are beautiful, and the sun is always shining."Winter comes for all of us, Catelyn thought. For me, it came when Ned died. It will come for you too, child, and sooner than you like. She did not have the heart to say it.

now, this is basically telling you black on white that brienne would rather live in a song where the sun is always shining, if you die it’s okay because people will remember you, the knights are never not gallant (like the ones that she had to fight off all her life), the maids are beautiful (like she’s not) and everything is always better than in real life, and in this sense meeting jaime basically strips that from her but not enough. in the sense that he makes her realize that reality and songs don’t go well together, but it doesn’t mean she won’t keep trying to behave the way a proper knight should, which is what she does through all of affc;

but brienne also fell for renly when they danced together (DANCING ie what ladies do) and she was wearing a dress and he was basically nice to her while letting her be feminine for once, brienne admires cat for having a woman’s strength and brienne is entirely down with protecting also women along the road and so on, so like... brienne doesn’t hate feminine things, she just doesn’t partake in them because a) she’s better at being a knight which is sadly a man’s job in westeros, b) everyone made fun of her whenever she tried which then added to her overall self-esteem issues;

now, brienne’s basically going around westeros risking her neck to do knightly things even when as a woman it’s 100% more difficult than it’d be if she were a man and taking on that role, but when she wants to weep on jaime’s shoulder she’s basically saying she wants to be vulnerable with him like the soft helpless maidens she’s not like, and guess what, he did that with her when he told her about aerys pretty much, but again, brienne has no preconceived notion of gender roles blocking her because she doesn’t hate the female-coded ones but has taken on the male-coded ones her entire life because she either had to or felt called to or felt more at ease with them;

so like, jaime gives zero shits that she’s defying them and that makes him look even better/more appealing to her because he’s the only man who took her seriously *for real*/for herself and not for how useful she could be. also, as much as some people would like to say she’s not brienne, being a woman into guys, definitely noticed that he’s attractive (the white cloak becomes you + half a corpse and half a god, HMMM) and like, of course she’s into him, but the thing is that on one side she’s bent on being his knight because he trusted her with it and she swore to protect him (before he sent her off), on the other she sees him as the only male candidate who - having come back for her in the bear pit - she could allow herself to be feminine/vulnerable with because that was the only time in her life she actually was the damsel and not the knight.........and he did it without the hand, so the thing is that to brienne he was the knight in not so shining armor (or armor, period), when he jumped into the bear pit without a weapon or anything else to save her life after coming back for her which no one has ever done before, actually until then she has fought off everyone for herself (ronnet connington/hyle and the other guys). so like.. to brienne, his most heroic moment is when he tries to save her without the hand, so she couldn’t link that loss to his supposed lack of masculinity or skills or heroism because he didn’t need that hand to save her;

also I would like to point out that it’s fairly telling that in affc on one side he punches in the teeth the guy that ruined her self-esteem for good and disrespected her so much that when she has the fever nightmare she sees him and wishes jaime was there and would come back for her, while on the other she kills (and fairly bloodily/not gallantly) both timeon and shagwell (who btw had been especially creepy to jaime in his asos povs) thinking that she’s doing it *for* jaime as well and of course none of them knows what the other is doing in this sense. but like, brienne’s literally going knight in shining armor on him to the point where she’s willing to die for him (and that’s why I’m 100% convinced she kills LS to save him doing also the aerys parallel) and she has no issues with that because that’s what she’s good at.... same as he has no issues with it because he 100% accepted that she can do that job and has done it for him better than most people would have. and at the same time she also sees him as someone who would or might let her be also soft and helpless while he sees her as *gentler* than his sister and trusted her with his most well-guarded secret after she literally kept him alive when he was sure he wouldn’t make it. and the hand, to her, matters absolutely nothing.

like, that is why I think that jb is a case of continuous gender role reversal in which he’s coded as the DID 90% of the time and she’s coded as his knight 90% of the time but switch places for that other 10% of the time to a point where they’re basically well outside gender roles both in westeros terms and modern terms (tbqh that too) but it works perfectly for them. like, the point with cersei is that, for as much as she thinks she’s not, she’s *completely* stuck into the westeros gender roles structure and can’t get out or maneuver around it the way cat did or genna did or other women try to because she wants to have the same power men have without beating around the bush and will stick to it and cares for having power more than anything else and works for that. on the other side brienne has been outside gender roles all her life and can’t give two fucks about it even if she suffers for being denied her feminine side, and jaime has seen enough to know that gender roles are bullshit and women aren’t lesser than he is and also mostly wants to have his emotional needs met which he hasn’t had since forever. which is why jb matches perfectly in that sense, because he wouldn’t mind being with someone outside gender roles who gets him and she needs someone who’ll have her exactly the way she is and be into her regardless of her look or her working outside the norms and who would let her also be soft and helpless if she needed it. and that works for them because they could and would and have been that person already, except that they haven’t quite realized it because they’re two assholes who are shit at understanding their own feelings. and that is also why cersei and jaime post hand-loss can’t work, because she needs someone who’s her and looks like her and wants what she wants and jaime does not and never has.

/peace

#jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #janie writes meta #otp: i dreamed of you #anti-cersei lannister #anti-lannincest #is2g if someone tells me to chill about my opinion re jc LOOK AT THE TWO TAGS BEFORE THIS BEFORE YOU PRESS SEND #thank you #PEACE #Anonymous #ask post

[xihaveaplanxx]

I Can’t Have It (Short Story)

“So, about that favor....”

“Yes?”

“I was thinking...I’m not gonna do it. Don’t feel like it.”

“Micah! I gave you 600 fucking dollars. Give it back!”

“No.”

“I...”

“What? Going to tattle? Go ahead. Don’t think the old man will take too kindly to why you’d give someone you loathe 600 bucks. You’d never lie to him. Or you can tell Dutch....I’m sure he’d love to know what you wanted done.”

“Micah...I...”

“You think you are so tough and so intense but you are just a spoiled girl who always got what she wanted and now you can’t and you can’t stand it. You’re pathetic.”

“Fuck you, you piece of shit.”

“Am I the piece of shit here? You want someone dead because you can’t fuck their boyfriend. That’s pretty shitty and I know you think so low of me so hearing me tell you that only makes it worse but someone has to say it. You are a shitty spoiled little girl whose only talent is talking circles around people so they adore you and give you what you want but since you don’t charm me because frankly you are a little bitch, you are upset. You are upset I won’t do as you want and you lost your money and are more mad because now fucking Dutch won’t be as easy as you hoped it would be.”

“I hate you. You stole my money.”

“No, you gave it to me thinking I’d help you. That was stupid on your part.”

“I...”

“Go on, explain to Hosea how you really are. I’m sure he’ll want you around after you tell him...”

“I.....”

“You can’t have Dutch and it sucks...doesn’t it.” Micah kept taunting her and she ran up and punched him in the balls which made him smack her in reaction. She let out the loudest scream and Hosea and John came rushing down the hill towards the lake to see her holding her face and him rolled over in the corner. 

“Did Micah hit you?” Hosea asked running up to her, trying to get her to move her hand. It was indeed swelling. “Micah! You don’t attack gang members that’s out of line. You can do whatever stuff outside of here but at camp....that’s off limits.”

“That little bitch!” He managed to get out in his pain. “She....that...bitch...” The pain was alot for him and he just kept his mouth shut. If he didn’t talk, the pain would leave him be. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Hosea told her as he escorted heru pt the hill. “John, when Mr. Bell is okay, tell him that we are going to have a discussion.”

“Will do.” John said looking at Micah who had passed out. The pain really got to him. “Looks like he’s out.”

“Then he’ll have time to think of what lie he will tell to explain why he’d hit her.” Hosea said as he kept his focus on her now as they walked off. “It’s okay, Dreama. I never liked him. Now he’s hitting people. You of all people. We should have left him in Blackwater.”

“He’s a monster.”

“He is.” Hosea told her. “I just wish Dutch would notice that.”

In Dutch’s tent

“She’s out with Kieran. More like dragging him around Saint Denis...but still. I’m glad she is in better spirits. Micah attacked her, Dutch. He has got to go.”

“I’d like to think that he wouldn’t just attack her. She probably provoked him.”

“I doubt it. He’s insane and you know that. Blackwater, Strawberry, what next? He’s a loose cannon and he’s going to get us all killed.”

“Hosea....look..” Dutch sighed. He really didn’t want to have to explain to him some things. Things he found out a day ago. He overheard Micah bragging about how he got 600 dollars off of Dreama to Arthur of all people. Arthur didn’t even have to tell him, he already knew. Micah didn’t go through with it but it’s the fact....the reason...she was more of a danger than anyone here and it’s just because she liked him...that much. “Actually...hold on.” Dutch walked out the tent scanning for Arthur who happened to be sitting reading a book. Good, he needed him there to verify what he heard. Hosea might think it's Micah bluffing if Dutch told him but with Arthur as a witness....he couldn’t pretend things were fine if Arthur knew too.  “Arthur! Can you come to my tent son, I need to speak with you.” He called for him and Arthur put his book down and came into the tent. Hosea arched his eyebrow, confused as to why Arthur was called in here. Arthur felt the same. “Hosea, I need Arthur here to verify what I heard. I overheard Micah explaining that Dreama paid him 600 dollars to murder Molly because she wants to be with me.”

“Dutch that’s...”

“It is true,” Arthur told him. “Micah was flashing the money at me. He wasn’t planning to do it either.....he was talking about it was dumb she trusted him and he wasn’t wrong there. Was real dumb.”

“What do you want me to do with her, Hosea?” Dutch looked at him. “Hitting members of the gang is bad but plotting a murder....is worse.”

“I....Arthur are you sure?” Hosea looked at him in hope he would tell him that he was joking and it wasn’t true. “Arthur....please.”

“I’m sorry, Hosea.”

“I....but....”

“She really really likes Dutch.” Arthur said. “Obsessively though. She can’t handle him with Molly. At Sean’s welcoming back party, when you asked Molly to dance she cried all night in John’s tent..”

“Wow.” Dutch didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know the crush was that deep. “I mean no one got hurt but....she....”

“I’ll have to speak to her.” Hosea sighed deeply. “This can’t be. Do we kick her out?”

“No.” Dutch shook his head. “She’s hurting, clearly....but she has to know she can’t do those kinds of things. Also, I’m going to make Micah give her money back. I do want to know how she got that much money?”

“She flirts with the guys at the bar. Makes a lot to tell them they are cute and robbed a few others. Also she stole from a magician at the theater.”

“Was she planning to share with the gang?”

“I’m sure she was.” Hosea shrugged. “I...just...I didn’t think she could be so....but if she likes Dutch, why would she want to hurt him?” Hosea asked, “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Because if she can’t have him, no one else can, meaning either Molly dies or Dutch does.”

“That is sick.”

“She needs help.” Dutch said, trying to seem sympathetic. I mean she was a valuable asset if she can just come across so much money though whether she was giving the gang their slice was...debatable. “She just needs to be spoken to. No one got hurt, I can look past it....but next time....”

“I understand.” Hosea shook his head. “I suppose I’ll wait for her. We are going to have a long talk....don’t know if she’ll still adore me after it.”

“You are her favorite person.” Arthur patted his arm. “I’m sure she’ll still love you. I think she needs you to call her out. Won’t listen to us....there is no doubt in my mind that she’ll listen to you whether it hurts or not, she’ll be in line after. I’m sure.”