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tanith-rhea · 9 months

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Carnations

It was beautiful, in a morbid way, that this would be the way you'd go. A botany teacher whose lungs were filled with flowers.

Author's note: absolute angst on this one, I won't promise tears cause different people sail different ships, but I can say that there is no happy ending, a good old character death which I suspect is over-described, and the illusory or not certainty of unrequited love.

You may do with this information whatever you please 💛

You'd always had a fascination when it came to flower diseases. Hanakanjō always seemed to you like the worst thing that could happen to a person, flowers sprouting from one's skin and betraying their emotions to others around them. In the end, you wish you could trade it for yours, it would be mortifying to burst into pink carnations every time Larissa walked past you, but at least you wouldn't have yellow ones choking you up at night when you replayed her words repeatedly in your head.

"I could never fall in love with an employee," she'd said, nursing what little wine was left in her glass.

"Do you think you could control it?" the question had nothing to do with your fondness for the principal, it spoke of how much of a romantic you were, actually, how tragic it would be if it happened.

She seemed to consider it for a while, before settling for "I'm fairly certain. I have no interest in falling in love and even if I had I would make sure to not harbour any feelings for someone I could not pursue. I wouldn't be so careless as to set myself up for heartbreak," her voice sounded sure and final. She finished her drink and inhaled carefully before eyeing your glass and seeing you'd also finished yours.

"I'm afraid it's rather late," she continued softly, "This was supposed to be a work meeting and I kept you for far too long," she paused, and you felt something tighten in your chest as you realized the conversation (and your lovely evening) was over. "Thank you for indulging me, though."

Larissa would never fall in love with a teacher. And you, pretty much a teacher and "one of the few she considered a friend", would never have your feelings reciprocated.

It was rather lovely, to be in love, and you discovered you didn't mind to love alone that evening when you left her office. It was really such a shame that your lungs begged to disagree.

The first time you coughed you were in class. You were about to explain to a second-year student how a certain plant could be made into poison and medicine depending on the situation or its handling when you broke into a fit. You hadn't caught a cold and no flowers were blooming quite yet, so when you couldn't stop for a whole thirty seconds you thought it rather odd.

The blood in your elbow pit once you finally stopped was also curious, but you carried on until all classes were finished.

Later that same day, you were at the quad waiting for a student who had asked you to take a look at his potted plant which he said didn't look so good. He had left class just a few minutes before and passed through the quad to tell you he would go to his dorm take the plant and come back in two beats but he was taking his time, apparently.

Distracted, you didn't notice someone approaching the table you were sitting at and squeaked like a scared squirrel once Larissa's hand laid on your shoulder.

"My, my, I did think you were a bit lost but it seems you were in fact stupefied," she sounded amused. Your face was catching fire.

"You absolute menace, why did you sneak up on me like that? Do you want to kill me?" your voice was still squeaky; like you'd inhaled helium.

Larissa laughed, full of mirth and fondness, and you couldn't pretend to be displeased with her when your lips were insisting on twitching up. You were probably making a funny face while fighting back your smile because she only continued on, if softer, as you shook your head and looked away.

"I'm sorry to have startled you, I was only passing and wanted to know what you were up to." Her hand was still resting on your shoulder and her thumb was now soothingly stroking small circles on the hollow of your clavicle.

She smiled affectionately at you while you composed yourself enough to answer. You had close to no dignity left but you would fight to recuperate it.

You cleared your suddenly tight throat, "I'm just waiting on Ajax for plant advice. He's babysitting a Dahlia for a friend of his and is worried it might be dying."

"A dahlia?" Larissa arched an eyebrow.

"Yes... why?" what was so curious about a boy caring for a flower to her?

She shrugged, "Nothing, just-" she paused, her fingertips pressing a bit as if gripping you lightly for a second, "their meaning, I imagine, but boys his age probably don't know these things anymore," she smiled dismissively.

She squeezed your shoulder softly again, eyes glinting a bit before saying, "Well, it's always lovely to run into you, dear," and leaned down to kiss your cheek, hand sliding from your shoulder to your chin as she held your face gently and pressed her lips right under your cheekbone.

She eyed the spot where her lips had been, probably because they left a mark redder than your blush, before smiling once again and leaving. Once she was out of view, you brought shaky fingertips to your warm face and suddenly you were doubling over with coughs; unstopping, burning things scorching your throat as blood springled your trousers and then, like it was just another product any coughing fit could conjure, there were two yellow petals, tinged half red in blood, laid on your lap.

"Professor...?" Ajax's voice caught your attention, and frankly people had to stop surprising you like this. You looked up to see terrified eyes staring at the stains on your lap. "Is everything alright?"

You definitely didn't feel alright. "Yes, it's just an inflammation or something," you pretended to dismiss it and he didn't seem too convinced, "Is this the child?" you pointed at a perfectly healthy dahlia.

"Yeah... I left it on the window this morning and it seems a lot better now." He shifted from foot to foot, "I brought her here just to confirm she's alright," he completed.

"She?" you couldn't help a smile. It was a joke when you said the child.

His face reddened a bit and it was amusing but mostly adorable how uncomfortable he suddenly seemed.

"Xavior and I have this thing that we talk about her like she is a person," he appeared to be immensely interested in her since he couldn't take his eyes off the plant to look at you while explaining, "We read on a website that plants can communicate with others and respond well to being praised and stuff so it because sort of a thing and-"

His words were coming more and more like undistinguished mumbles so you took pity on him and interrupted, saying "She's alright, Ajax. A healthy little girl as far as I can see, don't worry."

He visibly relaxed, deflating like a cloak of lead was sliding off his shoulders. He finally looked you in the face, still unsure and stealing glances at your lap.

"Thank you, prof." He nodded forcefully and marched quickly back inside.

The tricky thing was that you loved life, but you also loved Larissa, and you didn't want to stop doing either of those, even if they might terminate each other and you in the process.

Love is such a beautiful sentiment and dying from it was just your luck. If you could choose, in all honesty, you might have chosen to die exactly like this.

That didn't mean you were eager to do so. And that was why you decided to distance yourself from Larissa. You loved her, and you knew your love would only grow stronger and having her around did not help to keep you from diving deeper into the magnificent, all-encompassing feeling of completion that filled your heart and soul so absolutely it spilt.

In the first few weeks, she didn't seem to notice, but after your third refusal of a shared glass of red at her office she appeared at your door, concern written between her brows.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, dear, but I have the feeling I don't see you as much as I'd like this past few days and was wondering if something happened."

She had no business looking so caring and... worried, fretful.

You were still standing at the doorsill, feeling thin roots curl and clench inside your chest like anarchist veins looking for tissue to spread themselves onto when the thought occurred to you for the first time. Why can't she love me back?

It was nonsense. You knew her, you knew why, and of course your life was on the line and it mattered more than school rules or power dynamics but she was not looking for love. She made it clear not once, but several times when she'd repeat incessantly every time someone brought up the fact that she was single.

"I don't see why I need someone, Tish," or "I don't mind being alone, Vlad," and "No, dear, I don't feel incomplete, I have everything I ever wished for".

You hadn't had a problem with it before, but now, seeing her standing there, gloved hands clasped together in front of her elegantly but not fooling you at all. The air was charged, she was waiting for something; an invitation to enter, an explanation, reassurance. Her hands in front of her were not a sign of grace but an attempt at not fidgeting. She never fidgeted, you suspected she practised so much that now every time she felt uncomfortable she'd instinctively adopt certain poses that evoked control.

"Finals are coming soon," you said with no thought at all, and her brows furrowed deeper, "I mean... Preparation for finals," you tried to salvage, "I like to do a pre-review with smaller classes."

She clearly did not buy it but also didn't question you. Instead, her posture impossibly improved as she cleared her throat quietly, "Well, I'll leave you to your evening plans then," and she motioned to leave.

"Which-" you said quickly before she could go, she stood attentively, "I don't have," you said, voice breaking at the end as you felt petals clog up your windpipe.

Larissa smiled, surprised and clearly pleased, and you stepped out of the way so she could enter.

"Give me a moment," you whispered with what you hoped was an easy smile as you excused yourself to the bathroom.

As soon as you closed the door you tried your best to vomit, expel? Get rid of the petals slowly rising with as little sound as possible. If you coughed there was a chance Larissa would hear and ask questions. You weren't sure you could lie to her if she asked why you were coughing petals like you're the embodiment of spring. Even if she'd know the reason, you couldn't trust yourself not to tell it was because of her.

But you can't vomit something coming from your lungs, and there is no such thing as "gracefully letting a foreign solid thing leave travel through your respiratory system". You just grabbed a towel from the cabinet and muffled the screeches and choking and sobs on it.

After an unknown amount of time, a knock took you out of your breathing exercise to regain control.

"Is everything ok in there?" you weren't coughing anymore, but her small voice made you want to cry. Your face was still flushed from all the exertion and the tears brought by pain were still drying on your cheeks.

Your breathing quickened as dread and heartbreak occupied the emptiness left by bloody petals. You screamed without a sound, air leaving your throat, face twisted from grief. You'd die from loving her and you knew you would do so soon.

Larissa didn't wait for an answer much longer, and as she opened the door you curled into yourself, hiding the petals between your legs and chest, burying your face on your knees so she wouldn't see how ugly you looked when falling apart.

"Love, what happened?" she breathed, kneeling beside you without another word and taking you into her arms.

Why was she calling you love? Why did she have to do that? You were her friend, dear and darling and sometimes sweet. You weren't her love, you would never be and that was going to kill you. Why did she have to be affectionate when it cut you deeper than any cruelty ever could?

You couldn't make a sound, your throat could barely manage between you not breathing from all the muted crying and you scrambling for air when you realized more petals were coming as Larissa's smell filled the air, easily overpowering the flowers' while she hugged your body with one arm and kept the other around your shoulders, fingertips massaging your scalp under the crown of your head where she kept her face pressed.

This was so close to love. Why was it so hard to take that final step? You shared evenings together like a years-old couple, talked easily as if you'd spent a life together and not two years of acquaintanceship, you thought of her every second of every day, nurturing her in your heart and her rejection in your lungs.

You wished you could make her fall for you. You didn't mind before, and it wasn't the prospect of death that made you yearn for it so much now. You realized you were sick because it was too much. You had too much love inside of you and if she didn't want it there was nowhere it could go, no one to belong to, so it had to cease to exist, one way or another.

As your tight muscles started to tire and your body to fail, Larissa helped you to your bed. You were less than a person, more like the hollow ruins of a once beautiful castle that was now being conquered by nature, retaken, reclaimed.

When you stood and full flowers fell from your hiding place to the floor, you heard Larissa's surprised intake of breath. A few uncertain second passed as you looked down to the beautiful blooms you couldn't help but longingly admire, wishing them to finish you before Larissa continued to care for you like it wasn't just make it worse.

You were so drained she practically carried you across the room, laid you down on the bed and looked for the Nth time uncertain. After a few seconds she seemed to reach a conclusion and slid under the covers beside you, pulling you half conscious to her chest.

Before you completely blacked out, you heard her whisper, "I wish it was me."

The next day she wasn't there. When you woke up with very few memories of the night before, you had the sense that something was missing and as snippets of images and vague recollections started to pile up into a sequence of tortuously sweet moments, you had your worse fit of coughs that date.

That was it. You were done for. Larissa cared enough to wish to die in your place but not in the way that could save you.

You'd do anything for her but she simply couldn't do the one thing you needed from her. And it wasn't her fault, you knew she could try, hell she did try the night before for all you knew but it just was not possible. No one could force people into love and you wanted nothing of the sort. Even if you hungered for Larissa like a person starving to death you were happier knowing she would have a good life, everything she ever wished for, as she said, than being forever bound to you when she didn't want it.

You knew you didn't have long now, you weren't really coughing as flowers with the semblance of thin stems were lodged in your throat, so you fumbled desperately for something to write on while you still could.

When Larissa found you, she didn't see the paper, the tray with tea she'd gone prepare to wake you up with fell with no sound she could hear, the shattered porcelain not registering underneath the deafening white noise. She lifted your body from the floor beside the bed where you'd slipped off only to scream and let you fall onto the mattress as she saw glassed-over eyes.

She screamed and wailed and didn't notice the countless people rapidly entering and immediately leaving the room to look for help. The love of her life lay on a bed of flowers, yellow and red while their skin was almost translucent. Choked on the stems of what could be a small bouquet, blood slowly pooling beside their mouth.

"Dear Larissa, I hope you forgive the state I'm bound to be found, and that whoever has the misfortune of finding me has it in themselves to remind this scene as a terrible but miraculous love letter.

I loved you so much that it killed me.

Doesn't that sound nice? Maybe not nice, I'm dying so I don't have time to weight my words too carefully.

I'm writing this to thank you. Thank you for every time you smiled at me, talked to me, touched the back of my hand while handing me wine or made me nothing at all other than company.

Life was harder but infinitely sweeter while I was fortunate to love you. I am in love with you, and I hope after I'm dead I'll be able to still be. I know you'd be kind to the point of letting me haunt you, but I love you more than I can put into words and want you to forget this ever happened and be happy.

It's ok that you don't love me back, it's ok that I'm dead now, I died loving you and there is no other way I'd rather have died. If the price for feeling this deeply is death then you could say I chose to pay, even though I didn't. I know you wished it were you, but I was happy to pay.

If I coul"

Part of the unfinished sentence was covered by a dark stain, the rest was simply not written.

Larissa sobbed brokenly reading "I know you wished it were you," over and over, what she'd meant the night before was "I wish I was the one you love."

I listened to this while I wrote if you'd like to listen to some soft, nice music. As always, @alder-saan I hope you like it. Unless you don't want to read sad stuff which I completely understand

#yes... well #do you know the “death of the author” concept? this one is the death of the reader #quite literally #we die like unloved bitches on this one and I'm not talking about beta-reading #angst with no happy ending #unrequited feelings #hanahaki desease #larissa weems x reader #do I need to say that it's 2:30 in the morning and I haven't proofed read this before posting?#it might be rubbish since I'm half delirious from low blood pressure #larissa weems

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chimerahyperfix · 5 days

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You’re looking for something— no, someone, too, aren’t you?

(I can’t comprehend how you understand what’s going on, with your lifeless shell. Craft as you are.)

#isat #in stars and time #live a live #isat loop #cube live a live #RAHHHHHH [COMBINES MY FIXATIONS]#behold my crack fic au. tiny robot in dormont #I’m cooking let me cook. cube has the little guy little dude vibes #and is also canonically like. a baby?#their chapter in the game happens the day they were finished #so. a baby.#cube is so <3. their chapter is a space horror #I would 100% recommend at least watching a video of it #IT GOES CRAZYYYYYY #pov flicking a card that says die child die at the floor. so #anyways. this au makes no sense to anyone but me #this is MY funny house and I’m going to play in it #worlds smartest baby [a robot] figures out timeloop shit before the party more at 2 #if you ask I WILL ramble abt the concept of this au I will #<- trying desperately to get away from working on my other au post #[I need to draw smth for it and I’m struggling lollll]#sitting here like ughhh I don’t wanna draw this imageee [puts off entire au post]#ANYWAYSSSS #LOOP WOULD HATE THIS KID. the fuck is a robot.#the fuck is this damn thing and how has it read me literally immediately #how dare you be made of craft. be artificial. and be able to read my despair like a book #how dare you; a fake being made by someone else. be more human to me than the people that once were my party #how dare you want to help me when I dont know you because you didn’t EXIST in my loops #…but. uh. thanks for the coffee. even if I can’t drink it I recognize the sentiment. or whatever #falls to the floor dramatically. oughhhh loop and cube ougughhh

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omaano · 2 years

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Instead of leaving a comment on a fic like a decent human being, I decided that it was a good idea to set myself up for an art project that is 50% landscape and fabric and colours I rarely-if-ever get to use oops X"D

On an unrelated note, did you know that @brightmouth 's Lessons in Idle Ecstasies is fucking great?? (All her writing is, really, I just have so much reading I need to catch up on, I've been too busy trying to figure out how to paint rocks and mountains and things I thought I knew how to paint ^^; )

#dincobb #cobb vanth #wip #marshmando #din x cobb #my art #landscape #I was thinking about posting this in the first place because well it's not much yet #like 1/4 of the whole thing if I can still count and my concept sketches are to be trusted but I'm so excited about this okay??#this is all very new territory for me as an artist #and I picked a small scene but I LOVE dream sequences and it was RED okay? I have a thing for that #plus i didn't know if I don't share it now when would I because I have zero idea still about the panel that brings Din in #and I'm pulling the biggest blank there I ever had so.... WIP for now #I always do this decide to make some fanart before I leave a comment on my fave fics and then maybe deliver??#ahem anyway I hope it's okay #I'm very very excited about this project I just really need to pull through #these are pics 2-4-5 I think in the current lineup #out of 12+1 but goddamnit Cobb is fighting me big time #the mandalorian #star wars #the mandalorian fanart #lessons in idle ecstasies

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istherewifiinhell · 2 months

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IS FLYING GENDERED? On the masculine default, typifying gender in genre, and women as the other in the transformers cartoons.

question for the ages

once again i said back in the halcyon days of watching g1 (aka 5 months ago) i was like. Nooooo, decepticon is NOT a gender that's Silly. It's funny, but as a Read Of The Text, I thought it largely unneeded. (The concept came about, as a joke, involving dismissing the bad guys using the same language you would abt women (sexistly) that they're emotional [heh, flighty], vain, and shrill) after all. If in the 80s era there are 5 whole named/speaking woman tfs, its only ever gonna get better from here right? (<- booboo the fool)

anyway

Let's consider the axiom that the assumed default gender is male, that maleness is often seen as LACK of gender, and femaleness and gender variance are the PRESENCE of gender. In certain reasoning and worldviews, of course (See Androcentrism). Then add that, for transformers, the assumed default thing a transformer turns into, is car. (Autocentrism, if you will)

(The most general term for what a tf turns into is "Alt mode" as some of them are not vehicles at all. The other mode is "Robot Mode", whether its humanoid or not)

So I will be laying out why I believe the cartoon iterations support: non standard alt modes = non standard genders. This is in spite of the fact that FIRST lady tfs were all cars. Sleek cyber cars, but still. For whatever reason, (possibly, the reason for everything in tf, toys) they might as well not exist for how woman tf characters presence in the cartoons progressed over time.

And, to be clear, this is a reading of how these works of fiction are created, not a new unified bioessentialism but for robots aliens I'm proposing for like. In universe lore reasons. I hate that idea.

That said, alt modes in order of most to least gender: Spider, motorcycle, flying (in general, with rotors, jets), tank, and then FINALLY, car. (water and space crafts are already too marginal to rank, but they too can be assumed in relation to default maleness, AND that in making one a woman, would still qualify as othering her).

The NUMBER one reason for this is the bizarre need to have an ESTABLISHED woman tf character before making new ones. AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE. With a g1 gender ratio something like.... (counting even the most marginal cases for the ladies) 9:120? (That's a rough count from a quick scanning of the tf wiki g1 char list) Shits dire out here.

The second is, ofc, character design based. cis people [stand in phrase for the hegemonic world view] are not okay, and their opinions about how tf gender must need be depicted visually is. uh? Im not a fan. Size and shape dimorphism in general is a given, and specifically having women tfs as far more humanoid and curvy in specific. Also general cartoon lady face syndrome but, whatever. I think there's exactly one character here who doesn't have "lips" or "lipstick" as a distinguishing factor. I'm so tired.

Third is generally, the idea of The Girl Of the Team. When there's The Girl, she often isn't JUST a normal character, who happens to be a girl. See, of course, the Smurtfette Principle. But in my view there's also a trend to give The Girl "special traits" on top of "Girl", maybe even to directly combat the idea that the Girl Character has no other traits? To stop this from being a General Primer on Woman in Media, my explanatory focus is things specific to the tf franchise.

(A phrase I use for thinking about normative modes [in general, not just the Alt ones] in within the tf universe is "unique transformerdom" or, even more clunkily, "A transformer of unique transformerdom". The excessive verbosity is amusing to me personally. All I mean by it is to have an umbrella term for any of the ways tfs can be made unique from their peers in the non allegorical realities of the fiction).

I could, and do, and greatly want to, speak about this AT LENGTH. But it keeps spiraling away from me. So I'll say for now were looking at ways a character is being depicted different from her peers, not because she is the only woman (which she likely is), but cause she's a different kind of transformer, AND if she's othered for it.

(IN SOME forms of the lore. Being a transformer woman, IS A UNIQUE KIND of transformer unto itself. Let's just say I hate it and move on)

Fourth, is the gender of villainy. There is much to be said about gender presentation of villains, the ways they are allowed to be aberrant. We will get to it. There is also all the tropes specific TO evil women, and the modes of villainy open TO female characters. But a general thing I think impacting the gender ratios of the factions is the how "Good" and "Evil" female characters are written. I'll generalize and call this the "Damsel vs Temptress" dichotomy. (See concepts like the Madonna-whore complex). Transformers, is by and large, an action franchise. Unless special reasons are made, characters who can impact the action– have more screen time, and likely more memorable, and iconic presences. A villainous woman can be unchaste, violent, aggressive. While a heroic woman, even if not a literal damsel are more likely to be in a support role. The secretaries of the action genre: medics and techs.

(Another factor is that tfs are giant robots, and the good guys are often friends with tiny squishy little humans. These make very good damsel fodder, and can be taking up the spots on the roster that might, in a different franchise, go to women. Additionally, while woman characters in transformers overall is an interesting topic. When I say tf women, I'm referring to ones that are in fictionally, transformers.)

SO, now understanding our points of attack/obstacles for getting woman into transformers. (Getting established, gendering the designed, uniqueness of existence, and general villainy). Lets go over those alt modes, and the characters that have em, in more detail.

Spiders

The "Beast Era" (1996) intro-ed the spider ofc. And what don't we have with this one. She's a villain, but shes also misunderstood, the era and design style let to these more organic shapes. And they used them to make sure she was very sexy. She's genre aware, she's quippy, she's an absolute icon. So naturally. She gets ported to other later shows. Which means we just have sexy spider ladies running around when everyone else is a fucking truck and shit.

Her own origin is, well think of her as a "Bride of Frankenstein" to the resident evil scientist, also a spider. She was designed for, and manipulated by him in multiple ways. Her protoform (A blank robot base), was supposed to be one of the good guys (a Maximal), but was reprogrammed into a bad guy (Predacon). Even then, she eventually joins them, for her own reasons. She's not even the first predacon to do so, the difference? Well the characters are a lot more NORMAL about his autonomy. Both of these characters stress that being a predacon is an identity they still see as important. But only the woman is told that really, she is was was always MEANT to be a maximal. And while that's true in a sense. There's also a plot were she's forced (by plot contrivance, not the other maximals) to get corrective robot surgery for it. And when they think she died from, everyone's more sad for her boyfriend than for her. Ouch.

The second spider, in the 2007 show, is now one in a world where she is the only "techno-organic" transformer, hence, she is spider, everyone else is a vehicle. Similar to the first, her narrative is very gendered, but less in the way were, like, I do literally think the first was was experiencing in universe sexism from other characters. Here, they really focus on the "techno vs organic" narrative, and the tragic circumstances on how that happened. In this case its just real world sexist writing.

THIRD SPIDER, (2010), instead of misunderstood and tragic evil, this ones just super mega likes to cause pain evil. She also occupies a strange place between the typic vehicular tfs, and the insecticons. This is because she has a helicopter alt mode, and her robot mode is just, a lady with spider characteristics. And, more than just a passing bug like similarity, she has the power to control the insecticons (you know, cause evil woman mind control). However, she doesn't fit in with them either, as the insecticons are at the most insect like they've ever been, in look, living in hives and that most don't even speak.

They may vary in exact character, relationship to the story's moral conflict, and design. But they stay comfortably established, dimorphised, flirty and flirting with villainy. And bonus points, always, for black widow spider trope.

SO. SPIDERS. Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ (Extremely!) Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ Villainy: ✅️

Motorcycles

Tooooo my knowledge the first bike lady was in 2004, and fairly minor, in the actual plot, but rest assured, they did go the previously established woman route, by being pink, though, which one shes named after varies by language. But neither were previously motorcycles. (And yes, there is also this problem of mixing together or swapping out one woman tf for another. As if we have the ladies to spare). Even though motorcycle men also exist, this one just stuck for a bit. Maybe something to do with Those Movies. I think the Gendered Existence of a motorcycle is pretty evident though, general sex appeal, being smaller, the mode of riding a motorcycle is different, more physical and intimate. Mainly this ranks so high for the level of grossness they can pack in. Just how objectifying it can be, particularly with two instances where the human rider is an annoying teen boy. Naturally, I've also never seen a male and female motorcycle in the same room, but the approach to design tends to be different. And yeah most of em are Arcee, who's first alt mode was cyber car, but it's not just her.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: Depends on iteration, I do NOT like the way one gets called "tough, for a two wheeler". Villainy: ❌(they wouldn't need to be motorcycles if they weren't making them the Special Girl Autobot, after all)

Flying

General: It just tends to stick out when your one girl is only flyer in the group, even she's otherwise tactfully done. Only flyer of the Maximals, a falcon, only flyer of the dinobots, a Pteranodon.

Rotors

I can barely even figure this one. Maybe it's just a general, aesthetics and use case of the actually vehicles, the associations? None of these ladies (and special case) are very connected otherwise. As previously mentioned, the spider helicopter. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A big one for this is the preschool demo shows, which are rescue team focused. In the first one the only woman on the human response worker team pairs with the helicopter, they mention she does medical at times. The helicopter is male, like the other tfs. But also he's afraid of flying, and while not the first case of a flyer with a fear of heights, their personalities are, pretty different. As he's both fearful AND effeminate, fine as character traits go but, with the tone of humour used, marks him as Other.

In the second, Whirl (pointing to icon) becomes a girl for the first time, now with standard humanized face. I assume as move to keep with the previous show of having a girl one, as there's no human team mates. She's also the only one who really likes rescue school. Aaaand that's all know of her. What more do you want from me.

Helicopters: Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (milder than some)

But why'd I call this section rotors instead of helicopters? That would be because one of the latest Sole Female TF we just put in everything™ is a VTOL jet with rotors. She'll tend to be the only jet of her type, which is also smaller than the type of jet used for the villains.

And, of course, aside from alt mode, the thing that makes her stand out most in the cartoons? That she's very clearly a comics character. (I find the emphasize that she's "fan created" over done, as it only controlled minor aspects, and irrelevant cause tfs get completely overhauled in new versions all the time). From her design, which is a bit busier than most characters she stars with. And also uses Japanese aesthetic signifiers in ways that I think are a bit misappropriated and untactful. (VERY USamerican comics). Also, when she stars next to a guy, also from comics employing Japanese aesthetic, you can tell its not deployed in the same manner. (E.I she has hair and makeup, he has armor). Either way, her depictions have her either as badass sword lady on mission from god who's constantly getting hit on by an annoying guy. Or have her be from a different planet and has special telepathy.

Do we see how both her gender AND the cultural signifiers are having affects here? That the main woman tf in a series can be a literal alien even among our alien robots, with cultural signifiers they don't have?

Ratings Established: ✅️ (made the comics to cartoon jump) Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (SO SO EXTREMELY, using methods in fiction and real life)

Jets

I think my association of jets with tf gender is stronger, than some of the above examples, even if there's less reason to it. And why is that? Well, lets get socratic. Here's another question.

Is This All Starscream's Fault?

No. He's not real, he can't do things. But. His legacy as THE main stay transformers character that gets to subvert gender? Yeah. (Sure, the G1 autobots have their own effete, but he's not in every single cartoon they ever made now is he? Plus now that I think about it, he is a FLYING car...)

From the get, he's not a Man's man. He's shrill, he's manipulative and duplicitous, petty and emotional, cowardly and wheedling. He is, of course, the Perfect character. Now naturally, the 80s cartoon was not concerned with your paltry logics. Starscream and his ilk are the jets, but every decepticon can fly. The gun, the cassette player, the camera, the cassettes.

And each to a last, more masculine than he is. Vocally or behaviorally, physically. Every one of them fit the gender expectations more than he does. Even being a small time grunt, is a masculine trait, after all, more so than unchecked ambition. So its not femininity from flying, from jets. But direct relationship, reference, and descendancy from Starscream that makes it. I've yet to see female versions of Jet fire and or the aerialbots, for example.

So what to do when an effeminate male villain was less maltese falcon and more that man has effeminate hips? Well. We had to start getting his ass for being effeminate, explicitly. They made the female clone of him, which yeah, is an offensive joke stemming from the various The Gender Anxieties. (Transmisogyny, homophobia and sexism. General relation toxic masculinity. A heady mix of all and more).

But I mean. It's free girl tf... Once given a name in extra canon materials, she start's showing up in other things. Once you're in books, video games, comics, and most importantly, toys, you're real. And then eventually, her first non clone appearance in a cartoon, and how her presence shaped it.

That being, Cyberverse. Which is a cgi show, you need to know this for reasons of production. Making new models is expensive. This has always been the reason you just make recolours of Starscream and name them different things. Chicken or egg on this one, I don't know, But because CV has Slipstream, and the only difference between her and the generic "male" decepticon jet, is a more feminine face; Suddenly, any random decepticon goon can be a woman.

An absolutely revolutionary take for striving to populate a fictional world with gender parity. By at large it also means they're way more lady villains, and specifically flying model of villain. The show has other woman, but none who get the same androgynous body mold treatment.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: Mildly to NO. Unique: By design, no. Othered: Yes for the clone, and Screamer himself, I suppose. No, otherwise. Villainy: ✅️(That's, the whole idea)

Tanks

It needs to be said. Sometimes, when doing things that transgress a norm, anteing up is less subversive. This is another reason why gender variance, female agency and overt sexuality are more common traits of villains. When already defying strictures of society. What's one more.

That's Right. TANKS ARE THE BUTCH WOMAN OF TRANSFORMERS.

Alright. Let me back up. Strika is the stone cold knock out undefeated champ of lady tf designs that, actually has a reoccurring cartoon presence. She is, admittedly, only a reoccurring to minor character.

Her introduction is in another show with techno-organics, this one involved in the struggle between well, the techno and the organic. Strika as we see her, and as the design that will go on to be iterated, is not in her normal transformer body. She has been transferred into a 'vehicon' body. Without a preexisting essence contained in one, vehicons are not considered alive, in the way a transformer is. Visually, they lack the more human body plan, a standard face, feet and hand like appendages.

To further contrast Strika against the two techno-organic woman. Both of them are tall, and slender. Their softer organic shapes designed towards elegance or beauty, whatever your subjective opinion of that result might be. They both have romance subplots too. By the way. Or honestly one subplot and one main plot. Strika. In contrast. Is built like a brick shit house. Her face is. Minimal. And her goal: protecting her planet... by terminating the heroes.

Now, existing as a character that can be referenced for other media, and given the detail that she was a "Famous general", it's off to the races. She makes a wonderful big tank menace that can fill out a background shot, too.

Without her I hardly think we could have Clobber, also from CV. Who is. The true goat. The finest thing, the achievements of all we could ever hope for. A big fuck off woman, gender swapped from a previous male design with minimal faff, with now even more personality and show presence. Friends, wants, desires. Emotions. Thank God for Clobber, Thank Clobber for Clobber. Thank Randolph Heard and Mae Catt for Clobber.

Established: Depends if you want to count that Strika had so much swag they kept drawing/modeling her Gendered designs: FUCK NO Unique: ✅️ Othered: only originally Villainy: ✅️

Cars

So now you have the final piece of the puzzle. In transformers, Autobots are Cars. Yes, there are plenty of autobots that are NOT cars, and there are cars that are not Autobots. But they're exceptions, they're aberrances. They're unique. And Autobots are the norm. They oppose the Decepticons. Decepticons are Villains. And Decepticons can fly. Modal simplified binaries and false dichotomy abound!

And the thing about those original Autobot woman, the one's who largely did not influence all of this? They were cars, it's true, but not like how the men where cars. They've not been designed from transforming car toys, with a shellac of humanoid gender over top. Their designed in the way of human gender. With the car on top.

When the preexisting clause leads to the original designs to be revisited, which, has largely only happened in more recent years. They aren't car woman robots. The cars are literally not part of their bodies, they are additional. Instead of a unifying identity of a robot who is a car, its Arcee and her backpack. Parts of cars get grafted onto their petite lady bodies, and placed anywhere out of the way.

In order to make a transformer a woman, they have to give her a gender, not understanding that that's always been the case. And to give her a woman's gender, she's got to LOOK like a woman, not a transformer. And to look like a woman, she's got to act like a woman. She must be heroic but reactive instead of active, or else, villainous, conniving and or self centered. To be a woman, we must have some other previous woman to explain her presence, or else explain it anew with her unique, strange, or exotic origin. How could she ever be a woman if she simply, existed, looked average, talked average. How could she be a woman if her body is hunks of ungendered car. How can she be a woman if she's everything we expect a transformer to be.

A woman is transgressive, a woman is not normal. Autobots are normal. Autobots are heros. Autobots are men. And Autobots do not fly.

#some shit #its not called cisformers #<- IT SURE ISNT FOLKS #a note on how im using citations here u can read BEFORE getting into the post proper #I'm writing this in mind that someone might have NO idea about tf. or. god forbid.#the general perspective of media trope analysis im working from.#So the links can be considered additional or further reading with intent of 1. if a more thorough understanding of a concept might help #2. something im eliding the name of for search reasons 3. a referential example of what im saying #4. a specifc reference/bit of info that might be unclear. in which case im usually linking to a SECTION of the page #5. JOKE #ALright now normal tag talking space.#THIS IS. serious media analysis done casually for fun! in that. I mean it. genuinely. But also im here for silly fun and im not trying #to be SOOOO academically rigorous that its still not. Posting. u know?#MUCH inspired. or i suppose u might say. encouraged to completion and whole hearted commitment by (fandom) silly serious analysis and #math theroying thematics #i have NO idea if this thing will be searchable with all the links and the words i used. but i prepared for it it case it is #AND I PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO IT!!!!!!!! SO its okay if anyone reads it!#but im also braced for bad faithing inwhich case. I will not be held responsible for my actions. thank you.#i have been told to tag this #maccadam #transformers #if someone tryies to kill me for it im not taking responsibility

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anewp0tat0 · 2 years

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haaa... happy 16th anniversary Black Butler!

I feel like I should be drawing something else due to the newest spoiler that I probably but inevitably saw. mhm. oh well

anyway, this isn't related to that. I couldn't make a big thing like before but I wanted to draw anyway, so I decided to finally draw the total self indulgent content I want. him comforting his son after night terrors.

don't tag as ship

#its a gif give it a minute*#k ya know what i think ill just grow up and block the spoilers tag until the 18th like im too lazy to do. not shade im just particular #about how i consume content. but on the bright side im now partially on board on the what just happened train. unless im confused #eheh. vague #anywho #dadbastian #kuroshitsuji #black butler #kuroshitsuji fanart #fanart #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #o!ciel #digital art #black butler 16th anniversary #kuroshitsuji 16th anniversary #someone had to draw what comforts me. especially since this series seems to only be descending #so enjoy some fluff and happiness ya know #im not really focused on the quality here cause in the end im just happy i could put it to paper. you get the concept no matter roughness #before i would be hesitant to post this cause drawing these two within 2 feet usually grants unwanted attension #but idc anymore im in control of the post #usually i would apologize for the poor gif quality but maybe it's better this time

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thefirstknife · 1 year

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can we please. go one (1) week without the PVP obsessed people going off about how PVP is the only thing that matters in the game. im so very tired. "PVE people are probably about to find out that PVE can't carry the game because PVP is ruined and we're all gonna quit and play better games" please just can they shut up and go already instead of threatening us with a good time they never follow through on??

I saw that stuff as well, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's incredibly disingenuous and deliberately incendiary to cause more people to bitch about the game being doomed or whatever.

They are constantly using "steam numbers" to show that this is the lowest population count that Destiny 2 ever had and how that's proof that the game is being ruined and dying, that pvp bros and content creators are more important than we think they are, that Bungie needs to make Destiny 3 (yes, that is unironically stuff that people are saying) and other really incredibly tiring things.

Not to mention the vitriol towards the devs. Every time they bitch, more and more people show up in the comments saying awful shit about devs and how they are lazy, they don't work, they don't care, they are bad at development and so on. This is what eventually fuels harassment.

These "steam numbers" are disingenuous because they are taken out of context and they strip all other external reasons from the "low player count."

Is there a low player count? Yes! That is correct. Even when we account for console players, it's still low.

This is nothing new. This is a constant trend. Last month of the season ALWAYS has low numbers. People finished their story and their pinnacle grind and their seals and are doing other things.

More under for length:

Is this the lowest it's been so far? It seems to be, though the final month on steam charts isn't over so we can't fully tell yet, but it seems to be one of the lowest. However, there's been similar numbers before during seasonal end. It's quite literally nothing new. We go through this every season, except this season it's slightly lower than usual.

Why is that? Well, the chart Aztecross put to prove there's not many people playing happened on a Monday before the final Tuesday reset of the final week of the season. Yeah bro, very few people have things left to do in the season. They're not bothering. Unlike you, other people have other hobbies and games to play. I haven't played in days, I only got on on Saturday to finish my King's Fall seal and that took 10 minutes. This is what I mean by "disingenuous." It's a cheap bait tactic. Find the lowest number and ship it for cheap outrage engagement.

Others are constantly also posting the cummulative steam chart for every month of Destiny since the game came to steam and they're pointing out that we have lowest numbers now. Which is, again, posted for cheap outrage. They look at the number and see it's low and their conclusion is "game is dying." They don't care about the trend (every season end is "dying"), they don't care about external reasons (other game releases), they don't care about overall how some seasons are just weaker and have less interest (not the first time), they don't care about anything.

They just want people to be mad enough to harass the devs. Because like, what do they think is going to happen when they spend 2 months blogging to hundreds of thousands of people about the game being ruined by evil devs who don't do their job? When they constantly talk about how everything in the game is bad, pvp is bad, pve is boring and easy, story is bad, seasons are bad, events made for fun are bad, small community event is bad. What's going to happen is thousands of people are going to harass the devs. That's what going to happen.

I took the "steam numbers" chart that people are throwing around and I went into it in-depth to explain what the numbers mean and add context to them. You can see it here. It's a big image but you can zoom in and explore. It makes more sense when you see it separated by seasons; you can CLEARLY see the main trend of "low population at season end."

Another thing to consider with these numbers is the scheduling pattern. Shadowkeep released in October, Beyond Light released in November after a delay. October-November are usually months with a lot of other game releases and holidays. In 2019 and 2020, Bungie had an expansion themselves to cover that time. In 2021, there was no expansion in Oct-Nov; and that was the last time the game had the lowest population record ever. WHAT A SURPRISE. In this period, if Destiny doesn't have an expansion, people move on to play other games!!!! WOW! We have the technology to decipher the low numbers!

It's important to also note that back in 2021, that was the first time a game was delayed properly and significantly, so the year was without an expansion and there was a lull in Oct-Nov period. However, at that time, it was the first time this schedule happened and people generally didn't know how will it go. We were also kept in the dark about the seasonal story end (the infamous When Is Exorcism incident) so people had to keep coming back. Now, we're in the same situation; no new expansion in Oct-Nov, seasonal lull, nothing is happening. However, now, we know how this goes. People know how this schedule works AND we're not dealing with an extended season. We know when this season ends and there's nothing to wait for. People are more comfortable taking a break. So there's less people in Oct-Nov 2022 than there were in the previous lowest point, Oct-Nov 2021. It's almost as if there are reasons for this that go beyond "game is obviously dying."

These people also seem to be incapable of understanding that some players just... stop playing. For no specific reason. The game isn't dying, some people just lose interest. Content creators are especially guilty of this, because THEY can't stop playing, because they tied their income to a single live service game. To them, quitting the game is losing a job. Curious, maybe that influences their views about the game and about burnout and taking breaks and the quality of the content?

They simultaneously want Bungie to drop FOMO and reduce burnout, but they ALSO want for there to never be "content droughts." Which one is it? Because these two things cannot both be gone. If you want less FOMO and less burnout, then there will be less content. If you want more content, then you have to get on that burnout grindset.

It's the end of the god damn season. Yeah, nothing is happening. Yeah, fewer people are playing. Players finished their grind in the Destiny mines and are doing other things before the new season drops. Stop catastrophising it for cheap outrage bait. You not being able to take a break and having to keep making new content even when the season is ending and there no new content is your problem. Not Bungie's, not the other players'.

Bungie is not going to force their devs to crunch 80 hours per week so you can have brand new content every Tuesday that no regular player can catch up with. As it currently is, I want MORE downtime. I want seasons to be 4 months and to have less time and more downtime to catch up with stuff. Imagine the outrage though. Genuinely, society if these people would actually deliver on their promise and leave. Someone else will take your place, bro.

Also, as a final note before a dissertation in the tags: these pvp mains are weak. They whine about only having 2 new maps in 2 years. Gambit got -2 new maps. Like, literally we had 6 maps and now we have 4. LMAO. Crucible has a total of 24 maps and 8+ modes, constant updates, Iron Banner rework, multiple Trials reworks, incoming competitive rework, Crucible labs, three different sets of armour, prestige weapon loot, three different seals, entire twabs dedicated just to it. And they whine about not enough attention for the Crucible?

It's getting more attention than any other core playlist. Their problem is that they're not the ones being catered to. An update doesn't count if it doesn't satisfy mister Crucible Main #37. Fuck everyone else I guess! They are the most entitled selfish childish little pricks I've ever seen. They do not deserve Bungie talking the players at all.

#destiny 2 #community #bungie #long post #ask #genuinely though. for the love of god. every 3 months the same horror #just take a break. I am begging #are there issues with the game? absolutely. this season had a lot of them especially with all the weird stuff with challenges and quests #quests that are too grindy and make no sense and requirements that go through the roof #and some content creators eventually ended up mocking players for wanting it changed. because they have infinite time to play and we dont #there are issues. always. i can write a post three times as long detailing stuff i would love to see addressed #but instead we have to explain the concept of other games existing to destiny youtubers #i would love to be able to get some good conversation going with bungie but alas #we're talking about a monday before the final week of the season having less people playing #no fucking shit. nobody is playing on the final monday at 11 am? wow. how peculiar /s #most are done and those that aren't done are waiting for the final week having double rep in all playlists #also like. i said in the image i posted but. do they think bungie doesn't know this? lmao. trust me their marketing department knows #the execs know about how many people are playing. you're not the first one to notice #i'm so tired of this being the topic instead of actual real issues that we can work on solving with meaningful feedback

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wildberryjams · 4 months

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Hello ♡ It's been a while!

It's been over a year I think? I haven't kept track tbqh

I'm not really back, because I want to be noncommittal as possible (since I have a tendency to disappear when my motivation to write does)

But this is me saying that I'm finally working on under the rose again! ♡

I'd all but abandoned it months ago, but yesterday I had a burst of energy and managed to write a couple hundred words. Tonight, the total is 1300. It's not much, but it's a start!

I don't talk about my personal life for many reasons, but this year has been one of the most difficult I've ever experienced. The last thing on my mind has been Will and Azul, as much as I wish they'd kept occupying every inch of it like they used to.

That spark is coming back, I think! ♡ (More in the tags since this is getting long)

#I have lots of plans for this story since what I have published is barely one third of the entire thing #It works in three acts if I'm remembering my outline correctly. I'm still re-familiarizing myself with it #But yes I do intend on trying to get part 2 of ch. 9 out in the coming weeks!#I also wanted to continue the Ruby x Bobby x Stef love triangle in a band au setting but I'm seeing that the app is gone?#I cannot even begin to describe how upset I am that S1-3 are all gone before I was able to replay properly #Not to do a sharp turn but it's been a very taxing year mentally and I want to start the new year off by trying to work on a resolution #Which is finishing a fic! I don't know if I'll finish it in 2024 but I'm determined to write as much as I'm able #Anyway I will still be a fandom recluse but I'm excited to catch up on all the writing I've missed ♡#Posting this and going promptly to sleep ♡ (Insomnia is a huge part of UTR's conception LOL)

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dimonds456 · 1 year

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hey tumblr, thanks for recommending me a TERF post "based on my likes." I hope the hour I spent blocking as many people as I could bear in the notes is enough of a hint for you.

#i've seen some shit this morning y'all #like it was one of those posts that i initially agreed with but then alarm bells went off in my head at some of the phrasing #the post was about how 2-year-olds and 3-year-olds don't have a concept of gender yet because they're too little #followed by 'amazing it's almost like telling kids what boys and girls are will help them understand'#so i checked the notes and it was rampant with terfs #the main post was never tagged as anything though someone just posted a twitter screenshot #i need to find the terf tags post thing cuz i didnt have time to block before but i guess i do now #now i'm paranoid about how much of my stuff has been this shit and i never realized #anyway be careful guys it's fucking BAD out here #dimond speaks #tw transphobia #tw transphobes #and like i agree- 2 and 3 are too young for this stuff since the gender binary is so fucking strong #of course girls can play with dinosaurs if they want that doesn't make them boys #but kinds will understand that the more experience and knowledge they gain of the world around them #they barely know they're sentient yet of course they're gonna get confused #but once they DO get a better handle on what gender is then some of them are gonna realize that being a boy was the right answer all along #you cannot make that judgement for them #and also like no harm no fowl if they DO think they're trans for a while? like what's wrong with that??#this shit is complex as fuck and i do not expect a 3-year-old to get it okay?#took me til i was about 15 to even know trans people existed at all and a couple more months to realize i was one too #and i'm fucking dumb like i'm not a good metric to go off of #but even if 3-year-olds aren't going to understand that's where you as the parent have to help them understand it #but little by little #like as teenagers and adults we can just look something up and tada! there's the answer!#kids can't do that yet they DO need parents to help them #those parents just also have to be aware of how they're teaching their kids #there's a difference between 'girls like pink and boys like blue' and 'and your age it literally doesn't matter but girls like she/her'#and that was a terrible example but i'm not a parent so #you figure it out

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love-killed-the-superstar · 2 months

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the more i read through issue one, the more i think the stone situation isn't caused by some enemy - i'm more convinced the cause of it is odyn himself.

(i had about half of this typed up before hashing this concept out in a very cool conversation with @last-ronin earlier today... but i fell asleep before posting it last night, lmao.)

these kids are Developing Powers, guys. they can communicate telepathically, not just holding entire conversations but also projecting imagery into each other's minds. it's unclear at this point whether they can all project images psychically or if that is specifically yi's gift, but it does seem to be implied that this makes her retellings different from uno's and favoured by odyn. i'm on the fence about whether uno's colour-changing ability counts as a power or not since it's something other lizard species can do and he's been doing it since he was a baby. moja is also noted as having an 'overactive nose' literally smelling something 'wrong' which is like... either a very odd character quirk or another sign of enhanced abilities. if she has heightened senses in general, that might have been subtly foreshadowed by the times in lost years where she's seen wearing her headphones even when she's not listening to music.

much like casey growing to inherit enhanced strength and reflexes from interacting with mutagen, it seems like the turtles bodies are also starting to get all funky from ooze exposure. hence the title, re-evolution.

at the end of the chapter, when the babies finally get their chance to fight a real fight, odyn clearly doesn't want to. he's very much giving michelangelo in the lost years - it's making me nervous that at some point we're going to get a 'GET UP FOOLISH CHILD' moment with casey and odyn, because as much as she loves her kids, casey marie is a complete hard-ass on the battlefield. i HOPE that we get to see it play out differently if history repeats. that always felt painfully unresolved in lost years and it really made me resent roninverse splinter. if this happens i'd like casey to have to confront the fact that she DID make these kids to fight a war, that was incredibly FUCKED UP and they DON'T have to accept that.

(this scene is so hard to read no matter how many times i come back to it. sincerely, FUCK YOU roninverse splinter.)

anyway. here are just a few moments in that final battle where he hangs back while the other three jump in with weapons swinging:

free my boy. clearly odyn doesn't want to be here rn. he seems rooted to the spot...

...like a statue, wouldn't you say?

so yeah. in a life where he's been raised to fight or fall, this feels very "third option" to me. this poor kid is in an impossible situation so his body gives him an out where he can keep himself safe like his family want without having to experience the horror of fighting lethal opponents. the problem is, if he's completely frozen solid like this, how does he know when the fighting is over? how does he know when or how to snap out of it?

my prediction is the turtles are going to use their telepathic abilities next issue to break through to him and coax him out of this stone state (possibly creating more hijinks if a new power is discovered in the process). i have NO CLUE if april and casey marie know the turtles have these powers, but they sure as shit are going to find out when they catch their babies performing a seance around their brother lmao.

there's also the possibility of this 'insidious foe preparing to spring a trap' from the issue 2 synopsis... i wonder if they have a way of messing with the turtles' new mutations?

much to think about. anyway, VERY hyped for issue 2!

#tlr2 spoilers #i wrote this post last night. fell asleep before posting. and then me and tumblr user last-ronin ended up discussing the same concept today #but since i'd already written it out last night i thought i may as well post it and sum up my thoughts on all of this #i need issue 2 to drop asap so i know whether my boy odyn can snap out of this on his own or not #until then i may just have to start writing angst about the family panicking that they've lost him for good or something... </3

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myketheartista · 1 year

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HEY HOMIES !!!

Here’s the big baddie 😮‍💨 my final for Digital Illustration I ! I was so excited to do this assignment when I first heard about it in Week 1, I had kinda planned from the start for it to be an Aiah and Polor piece since I can’t get their dynamic outta my head. Came back to an old rendering style I haven’t touched in ages and really tried to push the color palette this time around (I learned about gradient maps ! They’re super cool !!) In the end, I think there’s a lot about it I wouldn’t change at all. This is honestly one of my best pieces if I’d have to judge, haha.

I’m super pleased with the finished version even though it drained every ounce of my life force <3 I now vanish to pursue more back-breaking projects

#enthusiasm at its best #original character #aiah #buttoncraft #polor #character design #digital illustration #minecraft oc #ain’t got nothin else to say about this it killed me is all #it’s so so sexy tho i’ll be sweet and loving to my art #everyone in class kept going on and on about how polor’s got the anime villain vibe going on and i went Yeah Where Do U Think I Got It From #tbh i did it without an exact ref but someone else in the class did a tokyo ghoul card and it reminds me a lot of kaneki’s hand thing #i’m rly obsessed with this palette tho it’s so … it’s so hot listen #im so crazy over their hair colors and how well it worked out im gonnaTRHWO UP #but no fr this piece rly made me want to quit school LMAOOO which i guess isn’t good but #i was working on it literally days on end and wasn’t finished even when i had to turn it in like 2 minutes before the deadline #i just refined it a bit on my own time bc i actually love it that much #hehe hoohoo so anyways more hw posts soon but hopefully they’ll be inchresting ! i’ve got my background to post of aiah’s hometown #concept art I is already killing me 👍 but we’re good #we know it’s life drawing IV it can die

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1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam · 11 months

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Can you IMAGINE if Sirius and Harry had been truly reunited the night Harry ran away after blowing up Aunt Marge? I feel like the two of them would've been SO chaotic together. 13 year old Harry fresh from inflating his non-blood aunt and seething over the Dursleys' words about his parents, teaming up with 33 year old Sirius fresh from 12 years in Azkaban, basically frothing at the mouth to rip Peter apart and protect his godson. They would be SO fucking fun for the Wizarding World to deal with (NOT). I'm imagining a world where Harry recognizes Sirius' magical signature or some bullshit as Padfoot and isn't immediately terrified when Padfoot suddenly turns into the murderous ex-con he just saw on the news had escaped. They're both just suddenly on the run from the Ministry bc Harry is like ??? WHY DO I RECOGNIZE YOU??? And Sirius is like I'M NOT LEAVING THIS KID AGAIN LIKE I DID THAT NIGHT!!!! So they're running around Britain and Harry's getting the 411 on Peter's betrayal and cute Marauders anecdotes and Sirius is losing his mind bc OMG it's his best friend and best friend-in-law (it's a thing, OKAY!?)'s son and he's so big and sassy and angry. And then Sirius is trying to figure out where they should go, and ends up deciding to go to fuckin Moony's place even though that's the first place people who knew them back then would check bc idk luck is on their side for once idc. So Remus has the absolute pleasure of opening the door to Mr. Harry James Potter in the company of a terrifyingly familiar black dog, and Remus' alarms are firing in his head as Sirius transforms from Padfoo t back into himself and he's shouting at Remus to LET HIM EXPLAIN, while Harry is doing his best to not let Remus fire a spell at his newly discovered godfather. Eventually Remus just lets Sirius explain on his front porch steps like they're a bunch of barbarians bc he refuses to let Sirius inside or let his guard down for a single second, and then Sirius tells him the whole story and Harry pulls out the Daily Prophet, and suddenly Harry has two absolutely FUCKIN FURIOUS Marauders on his hands, and they both want to chop Peter's head off and roast it on a stick, but Harry is oddly enough the most reasonable bc he's suddenly got a godfather that he doesn't want to lose bc hey, dude's kinda really great and also doesn't hate his guts like the Dursleys do, so of course he yells at them that they can't do anything yet bc Sirius would be carted back to Azkaban and probably Remus (who is still currently this random man to him ngl but also apparently the other loyal bestie his dad had at Hogwarts, so Harry doesn't want him chucked in Azkaban either) as well. So they devise a plan that involves kidnapped the fuck outta Scabbers as soon as Ron and Harry board the train together on September 1st, and Remus already has the DADA job, so he can help w that (although he still falls asleep bc I think Moony is absolutely iconic for that). And then the three of them just chill for about a month til it's time to board the Hogwarts Express, in which everyone at the station is suitably horrified when Harry just rolls up to the train with his brand spankin new pet dog Snuffles like nothing happened and he didn't just disappear off the face of the earth for nearly a MONTH, but Harry just ignores all that shit bc boy is on a MISSION and that mission is to destroy the bastard who got his parents killed and also started the catalyst of events that led to him growing up in an abusive household for like 10 years. Which is a thing he discussed at length w Remus and Sirius because Dumbledore is a manipulative piece of shit who TOTALLY KNEW the Dursleys were awful people and still decided to place him there :))))

Basically what ends up happening is Harry asks Ron to hand Scabbers over for a minute under the pretense of idek checking his lil rat toes or some shit bc he saw one was missing ???? And then Harry kicks Remus awake to do the spell, which he does, while Ron and Hermione are becoming deeply confused and disturbed by Harry's one-track mind and clear hatred for this stupid little RAT, but they let it happen bc Hermione sees the Professor part of RJ Lupin on Remus' briefcase (which, SCORE 1 for the Marauders definitely pranking him by getting him that briefcase at some point bc they WOULD and he had never been a professor before then so ???), and Ron and Hermione don't have a problem with authority figures, that's fuckin Harry. And Remus turns Wormtail back into Peter, and we get the whole Peter begging the Trio for mercy before Sirius turns back into himself from Padfoot, at which time Ron and Hermione start yelling about the escaped very dangerous convict in their TRAIN CAR, while Harry tries to convince them that Sirius isn't a danger to anyone in the tiny space but the fucking RAT, at which time Ron is like WELL HE'S NOT ACTUALLY A RAT ANYMORE NOW IS HE HARRY???!!! And Harry has to go with the short version of HE BETRAYED MY PARENTS RONALD!!!! while Peter is cornered by Sirius and Remus. And no, nobody has heard the yelling yet bc obviously Remus cast the Muffliato Charm or something, of course he did, I wouldn't forget that people have EARS. And then all of the sudden, the train car starts getting all cold, so Remus starts yelling at Sirius to change back to Padfoot bc the dementors won't sense a human that could be Kissed if he's not in human form, and Sirius does, but Peter also tries and Ron realizes what's happening and knocks him out (why Ron? Idk, why NOT him honestly, it's what he deserves after letting that creepy motherfucker live with him for the past few years bc YIKES I would be so freaked out) before Peter can turn back into a rat. The dementors come into the train car and Harry has his fainting spell which makes Sirius and Remus suitably LOSE THEIR MINDS bc WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED TO THE KID?!!??!! and Remus uses the Patronus Charm to repel them even though it means Peter won't be Kissed and Remus really wants revenge.

So Harry wakes up and is immediately accosted by his best friends, Sirius back in human form, and Remus trying to force chocolate into him. Ron and Hermione have been suitably informed of the situation, so they've closed the curtains, and nobody even knows what's happened besides those in the train car with them. Sirius doesn't have his wand, but he resolves to sit as Padfoot, staring at an unconscious Peter for the rest of the journey to Hogwarts, and the other four join him because no way in HELL are they letting that MF escape after Harry and Remus have managed to explain everything (and even before bc Ron and Hermione are the best and all they needed to hear was that Harry's parents died bc of Peter to determine that they would fucking the rat UP if he tried anything at all). So of course this weird fuckin quintet shows up to Hogsmeade's station with the real traitor and have to wait for everyone else to exit the train before traipsing up to the castle with the still unconscious Peter (Ron may not have cared all that much about being careful with head injuries from knocking bastards out bc of the whole ya know TRAITOR thing). Remus manages to send off a Patronus message to McGonagall (her bc of the aforementioned Dumbledore is a shithead thing) and they all head to Remus' new office with Peter in tow. Minerva shows up to Sirius as Padfoot, but an unconscious man who is CLEARLY Peter Pettigrew, and she's immediately like WHAT THE HELL??? and calls in some Aurors to deal with the trash. The Aurors are all suitably horrified but clear out soon bc they're not important to this story (sorry, kisses Aurors😘), and Minerva starts raging about Sirius being innocent and how DARE Peter, to which the Trio are extremely horrified bc they've never seen her lose her shit QUITE this much and it is highkey terrifying, but Remus is enjoying the show bc at least SOMEONE AGREES and Padfoot is wagging his tail and panting happily before Sirius realizes that Minerva can KNOW and he transforms back into himself, giving the poor professor half a heart attack. And because I think it would be hilarious for me personally, Snape walks in at the end of this lil story to see where tf Remus is bc he and Minerva are BOTH missing from the Welcome Feast, to Minerva McGonagall hugging the life out of a beaming Sirius Black while Remus looks at the two of them with a huge amount of relief bc THANK GOD she accepted his innocence, that could've been so bad for them lmao, they couldn't even Disapparate away at Hogwarts if she decided he wasn't innocent after all. And then Snape sees the Trio right beside Remus, also watching the hug and grinning like fools, especially Harry bc this meant Sirius was going to be FREE and also Harry would never have to deal with seeing the Dursleys or dealing with the fact that he literally blew up Dudley's aunt ever :)))

#harry potter #Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban #texts to my bestie #although it is a different bestie but I am obsessive about my sorting tags so whatever #okay did y’all know that there is limit to how long paragraphs in posts could be?#because I certainly did NOT #it wouldn’t like me put this all into 2 paragraphs so everyone say thank you tumblr for not making you read a huge blob #I have zero concept of paragraph control when I’m just copying and pasting from my literal texts oops #sirius black #remus lupin #ronald weasley #hermione granger #ron weasley #I tagged him as Ronald and physically CRINGED bc it felt so weird #yes #even tho I called him Ronald in this very post #leave me aloooooooooooooone #minerva mcgonagall #severus snape #almost tagged Snape before McGonagall and would’ve had a breakdown over it bc I hate Snape sm :)#albus dumbledore #LISTEN #I know he doesn’t show up but my hatred for that man PERMEATES so he’s getting a tag anyway #sorry y’all #deal with it #anti jkr #not relevant but needs to be said especially during Pride Month because fuck her🏳️‍🌈#anti jk rowling #anti albus dumbledore #ig I should tag that too??

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