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johnkrrasinski · 3 years

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𝙞𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜

Chapter 4: hell was the journey but it brought me heaven (final)

full masterlist // series masterlist // commission open // support my work

Pairings: bucky barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,943

Summary: blessed with telepathic abilities since birth, you were captured by HYDRA and turned into one of their weapons to kill. after the blip, you were pardoned by the government and you were obliged to check up with dr. raynor everyday which you had no clue would lead you to the one soul you’d been waiting for.

Warnings: SMUT!! (18+) dirty talk, oral (female receiving), fingering, shower sex, happy ending.

A/N: this series is dedicated to the lovely @ohmickeyhenry who commissioned this story and developed the concept. thank you for trusting me with your story. i sincerely hope you like it.

You sat on the front porch as your fingers flipped through the page of the romance novel you had your nose in. It was a beautiful day, the weather wasn’t too hot or too cold, perfect to spend hours escaping into a story outside. Alpine purred on the chair where Bucky would sit if he was here but he wasn’t because he was on an overseas mission with Sam and though you offered to come with him, Tony said that it would be best if you sat this one out. You didn’t take it personally, however, it was hard to be separated from him for nearly a month.

Bucky said he’d be coming home soon and though the mission kept delaying them to come home, Bucky called and texted you every day to let you know that he was alright and how far on completing the mission had they gone. You were glad that Sam and Bucky had each other while you weren’t around to take care of him because you knew that Sam was the only person who could ground him other than you.

You and Bucky had been together for nearly five months now, after your recovery in Wakanda and adjusting to the new life of being superheroes, you both decided that you wanted to settle in a more remote place. All of the Avengers had their own places outside of the compound so you thought, why don’t you get yours? You talked about getting your own place in Brooklyn but eventually, you came to a decision where somewhere in the country would be better for both of your mental beings, while also still residing in the New York area so that you’d be ready in case there are emergency missions.

Since moving to the countryside, you had felt much more at peace and you had learned more about yourself than before. You were in the middle of the process of moving in when Bucky was needed by Tony to take care of an international matter with Sam, so Tony helped call in some people to help you with your stuff.

The place you had with Bucky was lovely, it wasn’t anything big or swanky, it was simply a rural rustic home that blends woods and stones as the foundation. It had a large loft where you placed your bed, and the roof had upper windows which shed lights into the entire room. It was even more stunning at night where you could see the stars and the moon that illuminated the dark space. From the veranda, you could enjoy the beautiful view of greenery and the lake surrounding you. It was heaven, but most importantly, it was your and Bucky’s little heaven.

You’d often feel lonely living in the cabin, so you decided to adopt a cat while Bucky was away. You didn’t tell him because you wanted it to be a surprise. You named her Alpine. You’d always wanted to have a pet and now that you had your own place, you could have one without worrying it would bother anyone.

You talked to Bucky this morning and he estimated that he’d be coming home in two days, which means he’d be home by his birthday. You couldn’t think of a more perfect gift than this adorable, blue-eyed cat. It was as if she got them from her dad whom she had yet to meet. You also wanted to make his birthday and celebrate his coming home more special so you put down the book and went to the grocery store in town that afternoon to shop for the ingredients to bake a cake.

You had learned a lot of new things after you moved here, and baking was quickly becoming your hobby, so you were excited to utilize that new skill to surprise the love of your life. You spent the next day in the kitchen so once Bucky walked through the front door, the cake would be ready to be served. You were giddy thinking about the look on his face and how proud you would feel to make him happy with something you made of your own.

You were lying on your couch with Alpine by your feet, reading the book that you didn’t get to finish yesterday when you heard your phone notifying you a text had been received.

I’m outside, babydoll.

You instantly got up from your couch and put your book on the table. Your first thought this morning was Bucky would back to your arms this afternoon and you were ecstatic. You had missed him terribly and you wanted to curl up in his embrace and never let him go. He was your anchor and you were his rock, you both needed each other to get through the days. How you managed to survive so long without him was beyond you.

You chose a nice outfit, nothing fancy just a simple sundress that you feel your best in, put on some makeup and did your hair. Though you didn’t have a clue on makeup products, let alone apply them all over your face, you did spend a handful of times watching Youtube for guidance. You knew you didn't have to put all that effort to keep Bucky in love with you but you wanted to do something nice for him. For the first time in forever, you were a free woman who was allowed to make her own choices, you were going to revel in exploring them.

You opened the door and there he was, as handsome as the devil, as gentle as an angel. Everything about him captivated you yet, he soothed every nervous system in your body too. He was grinning at you like he had just won a prize and you couldn’t help but throw yourself at him as soon as the door was fully opened. “Bucky!”

He hugged you back, holding you so tightly to his chest and he kissed you as a lover would until you needed air. “You’re a sight for sore eyes,” he swept the hair that was falling on your face, slightly hiding your beauty.

You smiled at his flattery, “I got a surprise for you…”

“A surprise?” He looked genuinely perplexed. “What’s the occasion?”

“It’s your birthday, silly. And to celebrate you coming home, of course, because I missed you so badly.”

“Sweetheart, you don't need to get me anything, you’re all the blessing I need in my life.”

“And you are mine, but you deserve more. So, close your eyes.” You ordered him like you were an excited 10 years old ready to show off her science project to her parents. He did as he was told and you took his hand and led him to the kitchen where his cake was sitting perfectly. “Don’t open your eyes until I tell you!”

He chuckled, “okay.”

Bucky trusted you wholeheartedly so he didn’t worry he’d walk into a wall or slam his hips to the kitchen counter as he was being led down to where his cake was. “Okay, now open your eyes.” He did so and he saw you standing behind the tiny dining table, near the kitchen chanting Ta-Da! Presenting a chocolate birthday cake, in the shape of a heart in front of you.

You lit up the candles that were in the shape of 106 and you brought the cake closer to him, “happy birthday, my love.”

Bucky was grinning from ear to ear, he couldn’t contain the happiness swelling in his heart. While he was on his bike, driving from the compound to his cabin-like home, all he expected was a warm shower and being tangled between the sheets with you. Since he was turned into The Winter Soldier, he no longer cared about birthdays or his age. Time felt blurry and all that mattered was his purpose in his life which is to make amends to the wrongs he committed during his winter soldier days and the few people that he cared about.

But now you were in his life, you were going to make sure his birthdays are special and that every second you both spent together was precious. “I got another surprise for you…” You walked to the couch to carry Alpine and when Bucky saw her, his eyes lit up.

“You got us a cat?!” You handed her to Bucky gently like a newborn baby and Bucky cradled her to his chest, looking like an affectionate father.

“I did. I felt lonely while you were away so I thought I’d get a pet now that we’ve got our own place and I saw her at the shelter when I went to town and she looked so adorable, I just had to take her home, Buck,” you watched Bucky lovingly stroke the cat’s ear.

“I never had a pet before…”

“I know, and neither had I so I thought, the three of us would make a wonderful family.”

“Thank you, doll. This is… This is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for.”

“You’re welcome, love. By the way, her name’s Alpine.”

Bucky nodded, “suits her.”

“Now, as delicious as that cake looks, I really need to take a shower, would you mind joining me?” Bucky held out his hand for you.

“There’s nothing else I’d rather do,” Bucky took your hand and carried you in bridal style to your bathroom, which had rustic walls like the rest of the house and dark brown sink vanity with a mirror at the centre above.

Bucky put you down and you both began stripping out of your clothes. You helped Bucky with his once yours were on the hanger because you wanted to feel him, really feel him now. Once only his boxer remained, you slid the shower glass door and you pulled him, giggling like teenagers trying to sneak out in the middle of the night as he struggled to take off his boxer with the way you were pulling him.

You turned on the shower, just warm enough to soothe your nerves and help Bucky relax. Bucky cupped your face and you both began making out, the stream of water made it difficult to keep your eyes open but you always got so lost in his kisses that you could never keep your eyes open even if you wanted to. It felt like heaven to feel those lips again after a month of his absence.

Bucky lifted you and you wrapped your legs around his waist. He slammed you to the bathroom glass as he dominated your mouth, his tongue tangled with yours as his vibranium arm leaned against the glass. Bucky trailed kissed to the column of your neck and you threw your head back, giving him easier access. He bit the skin, marking you as his.

The water kept flowing down and you both forgot what you were there for in the first place. “Oh, missed you so fucking much, doll.”

“I missed you too,” you said as you panted.

“Those nude pictures you sent weren’t helping either. Each time I see you naked, it went straight to my cock. It was torture not to have you right away.” Bucky put you down and kissed your body, down to your stomach until he reached the part where you needed him most. Bucky lifted your right leg onto his shoulder and kissed the inside of your thigh as he left a love bite with his teeth there too.

You didn’t mind, you were his as much as he was yours and you loved it when he got a little rough or possessive, though you knew Bucky would never hurt you and if he did, you wouldn’t hesitate in telling him. But you loved to walk around with his marks on you, you wore them proudly.

Bucky dipped his head to your core, tasting your arousal like a famished man. He had been deprived of your taste for a month, he wasn’t going to hold back. He could spend hours in between your legs if you let him and he’d never get tired of it. Bucky licked a stripe of your slit, making you throw your head back again and moan.

He grabbed your arse to keep you standing, with the way he was devouring you, your thighs began to shake, and you would’ve crumbled to the floor if he wasn’t holding you. You tugged his hair, keeping his face close to your cunt. You couldn’t help but grind yourself onto his face and you could feel him smirking.

The way his stubble grazed your delicate skin was tantalizing, you’d tried to close your legs a few times around his head but he always held them back. You could feel your muscles tightening, but before you could burst, Bucky put your leg to the floor and he stood up, kissing you again and you could taste your arousal all over his tongue. It was erotic yet intimate at the same time.

Bucky grabbed your hips and spun you around, you could feel his stiff member nudging you from behind as you both fought for dominance with your tongues. Bucky took a fistful of your hair and lifted your head back, once again trailing open-mouthed kisses to your throat. His fingers made their way down to your clit, rubbing it in circles furiously as if you weren’t soaked enough already from the way his tongue ingurgitated you.

You whimpered at his touch, the way he always knew how to light up every cell in your body with his touch was a wonder. It was as if your body had given itself completely to him and it was going to comply with whatever his touch tells you to do. Like the way you willingly bared your soul to him, you didn’t fight it at all, let the love and passion you had for each other consume you.

“You’re dripping all over my hand, doll.”

“I need you to fuck me now, please.” You were losing your mind with the way he was stimulating you, you needed to have him inside you now.

“Anything for you, baby.”

Bucky used your wetness to lubricate his member, making it easier for him to slide in. You leaned against the glass with your hands against it as he gripped your hip with his flesh hand and your shoulder with his vibranium one. Bucky pushed himself until he was fully sheathed and he groaned, “oh fuck, I ain’t gonna last long. Missed this tight cunt so much.”

Bucky gave you a few seconds to adjust to his size, and once you told him to move, he began with slow paces. You threw your head back and leaned against his shoulder as he kept thrusting in and out of you at a faster speed. Bucky moved his vibranium arm to your hip and wrapped his flesh hand around your jaw, directing it to his face so he could kiss you deeply.

The sounds of your skin slapping were salacious. Bucky felt you clenched around him and the coil in your stomach tightened. His fingers that were gripping your waist once again furiously rubbed your clit, igniting the fire in your muscles. Your cries grew louder as his rhythm began to falter, and the dam in you broke, your squirts streamed down your thighs, clouding your brain with pleasure.

Bucky started to get messy as he chased his own orgasm. He followed you to the place of euphoria, releasing himself deep inside you, panting your walls with hot white gush. Bucky leaned his forehead against the glass as he breathed heavily with his heart thumping against his chest. His weight on your back was comforting so you stayed there for a while until you both began to come down from your highs.

Bucky pulled out of you and his orgasm ran down your thighs, following yours. You turned around to face him and kiss him again. “That was fucking amazing,” Bucky said as he cleaned you up.

“I should be the one doing that, I wasn’t the one who just came home from a one month mission,” you retorted as you watched him going down to scrub your thighs where your juices were sticking on your skin.

“Well, now that I’m here, let me take care of my girl, will ya?”

You only chuckled and eventually, you both helped rinsed each other off. Once the shower was done, Bucky dried you with a towel and carried you to your bed, which he had yet to sleep on since it got here.

Life was a funny thing. Sometimes it dragged you down to hell, making you question if you had ever committed such a heinous crime in your previous life that cost you such misery in your present. But then, slowly but surely, the journey that you had to endure, led you to your fate, for better or for worse.

You couldn’t change where you had been and what you had done, but you could choose how you were going to redeem yourself and how you were going to spend the remaining years of your life now. You didn’t know much about your future as an Avenger. Hell, you were barely an Avenger, to begin with, but eventually, when you were ready, you knew there’d be nothing too big to overcome because you had Bucky by your side to walk through the storm with.

You didn’t have the privilege to believe in mystical things such as lucky stars but you were going to thank whatever was out there for the invisible string that tied you to Bucky.

tags; @ohmickeyhenry @suitofvibraniumarmor @themaddies-obx @themaddies-obx @beminetokeep @bluemoon-icecream @bluemoon-icecream-blog @harprs @thefridgeismybestie @abitofeverythingg @wolfonthemoonwatchestvshows @julimelodi @bookscoffeandotherstuff @tanyaherondale @artisancowbells @ferxaniti @intothesoul @hallecarey1 @buckybarnesplumwhore @thefallenbibliophilequote @andiyholly @emizla @capxwinter @jevans2 @alwaysreadingimagineschick @swtltlmrvlgrl @extremelyblackandwhite

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nimmy22 · 3 years

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A Mistake: Chapter 5

"Our encounters will only end once I say so. Now, answer this. Why were you limping?" Wesker watched through his shades as she flinched when his hand came to rest on her injured leg. He found this development displeasing. Someone trespassed on his right to be the only one to hurt her, to use her, to kill her. And correction was in order.

"What's it to you?" Cara hissed, slapping his hand away.

"Wrong answer dearheart, let's try again." His hand found her leg once more, and this time he gave a not-so-gentle squeeze. He flashed his pearly whites with a smirk, watching her grimace and suck a sharp breath. "Why were you limping?"

"I fell... down some s-stairs and hurt my...leg," she cried, looking away from him.

Wanting things over quickly, she hoped he would lose interest and leave her be. Why would he even care if someone laid a hand on her? Especially when he was still wavering between hot and cold on whether to kill her or not. If someone killed her, then Wesker should consider it a time well saved. She was beyond confused by this.

"Fell? Are you sure?" Wesker frowned, removing his shades. Cara had no idea why he even wore them while presenting...indoors. They seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face, but at least he took them off in the rain. She mentally kicked herself for spending a second analyzing the fashion sense of a corrupt officer. It will certainly not prolong her life.

Wesker suddenly drifted closer to her face with scrutinizing eyes. "I suppose you also hit your head in the fall?" He said before putting pressure over the bruise on her head. The more she struggled to turn her head, the harder he applied the pressure. She cursed her cheap foundation for having melted off within so little time, likely exposing her bruise. The humid weather wasn't helping her situation either, aiding the cream to melt off her skin.

"Stop it! It hurts. Please, I answered your question. what do you want now?"

Not many dared to bluntly lie to Wesker, and those who did were now entertaining earthly maggots as a free buffet. The little girl lied to him without shame, leaving him with the urge to loosen his collar as his blood began to simmer. He had to restrain himself, not wanting to smash.... his shades.

"Do you take me for a fool? You forget you're still dealing with a cop, and I can certainly tell the difference between physical violence and injuries from a fall. I've dealt with countless domestic violence and child abuse cases. Now, answer the question before I rip off those pants to confirm." Wesker growled, punching the garbage bin centimeters from her head. She squeaked like a mouse, shielding her head with her arms, folding into a fetal position. Peeking through her fingers, Cara spotted the dent he left in the metal and audibly swallowed. He could crush her skull if he wanted to and why he has yet to do so is beyond her.

"Ok fine! It was...my...dad, h-he...hit me. Happy now? But whose parents don't bring out the belt every now and then? It's not that big of a deal." Cara slanted her body away from him and fidgeted with her sleeve. Until this point, she had never admitted to anyone what went on at home behind closed doors. Not even her closest friend knew a thing. But she was forced to disclose one of her deepest secrets to this bastard just because he asked her nicely.

"I see." Wesker stood up, pondering something for a moment before walking back towards the school doors. Pausing by the door, he spoke without looking at her. "Clean yourself up and go back to the assembly. Then after that, I want you to walk across the street to the laundromat's parking lot. You will wait there for me."

"Why?" Cara swallowed, a cold feeling creeping over her like a heavy blanket. Wesker didn't answer, as he was already gone, and she was met with the sound of doors slamming shut. With a sigh, she wiped her tear-streaked cheeks with her clammy hands.

Raising to her wobbly feet, Cara straightened out her clothes, doing her best to clear the dust. There was no way to reduce the puffy eyes. She decided to play it off as being devastated for the poor boy who ended up an overcooked steak.

She was definitely in over her head, but without a choice, she was forced to do what he wanted. He already knew pretty much everything about her, her home, school, and family issues.

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"You sure you don't want a ride home?" Claire said, hugging her friend tightly and being a major cause for much discomfort. She somehow managed to touch all Cara's painful bruises all at once, completely unaware. The two stood in the school parking lot, finished with school for the day.

"I'm fine, Claire, really. I just had a weak moment. Don't worry about me. I just need to have a little walk with some thinking time."

"I can come with,"

"No!" Cara jerked back before realizing what she did. Claire blinked, staring at her friend with her mouth open. "Oh shit, sorry. I mean...I want to...be alone for a while. You should go annoy your brother at work. He'll appreciate that."

"Are you ok? You're acting weird, not just today but this whole week. What's going on?" Cara felt more beads of sweat forming on her forehead with each question Claire asked. She needed to get away before she said something she shouldn't have.

"I'm fine, I swear. You're just reading too much into things." Cara said, backing away from her friend.

"Cara!" Claire called out, watching Cara hurry across the street. "What the heck is going on," she wondered aloud.

Claire was about to follow her when a hand roughly grabbed her shoulder. She spun around, ready to snap the fingers of the fool who dared grab her in such a manner.

"Miss Redfield, great seeing you." Wesker greeted her, his grip on her shoulder unmoving. Her eyes widened as she recognized the fool being her brother's boss.

"Oh...Captain Wesker. Um...Great presentation." Claire said, trying to shrug out of his hold. He let go, but very slowly. She didn't know why he was interacting with her this long. The most she ever got from Wesker was a nod or asking where Chris went after abandoning his desk for half an hour when he should've been doing paperwork. The answer was tacos she made herself and brought to the station for Chris.

"Thank you. I'm just hoping at least a few students will hold onto my words." Wesker responded, discreetly watching through his shades as Cara disappear from view. He simply couldn't have a foolish Redfield ruining his plans. "So where are you headed off to?"

"Uh... I was just about to head home," she said, pointing her thumb over to her motorcycle.

"Drive home safely. Wouldn't want your brother distracted on the job now, would we?" They both knew Chris would get distracted regardless, but she didn't like his tone when talking about her brother.

"No, of course not," Claire gave him a sweet smile, flapping him the bird behind her back. "Have a nice day, Captain Wesker."

"You as well, Miss Redfield." Wesker walked away, heading across the parking lot to his cruiser before driving off.

With a long sigh, Claire looked back to the direction her friend had run off to, but she was already long gone. Claire groaned, promising herself that she was not about to let this go. She owed Cara to be a good friend and help her sort out whatever she was going through. The next time she saw Cara, they were going to have a very good talk.

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Cara stood in the parking lot of the laundromat, fidgeting with the zipper of her jacket. The little piece of metal was already bent in two places from her abuse. She was alone, the place had closed down months ago, its owner was an elderly lady who passed away. She had no children to inherit it, and so the place had to shut its doors. It would make sense why Wesker would want to pick her up here. Students had no reason to crowd this property, having a plaza on the other side of the road abundant in fast-food joints and an arcade.

The temperature hadn't changed drastically since the morning. Yet, she found herself shivering in her jacket and hugging it closer to her body. Her eyes kept darting about, dreading the imminent interaction. She hated the waiting, but she didn't want to find out what he had in store for her.

Wesker drove into the parking lot, eyes zeroed in on the pitiful creature shivering alone and looking misplaced. Good thing he was here to 'help her out.' He thoroughly enjoyed how she nearly bolted upon spotting the car. He stopped next to her and waited.

Cara waited for him to emerge from the car or to roll down a window to tell her what he wanted. He did neither of those things, and so she shut her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and reaching for the door handle of the passenger seat. Still saying nothing, she slid into the seat before shutting the door as hard as she could. Between them, the air freshener swung back and forth with greater momentum charged by the thick atmosphere.

"So nice of you to find the time for me, dearheart. I am flattered."

"Of course, With whom else could I see myself spending time?" she didn't bother asking where they were headed, knowing how far questions seemed to set her back with him.

They pulled up to a simplistic two-story home, its lawn cleanly kempt but lacking any other colorful vegetation. She couldn't help but think it was the end of the road for her when the garage door sealed shut behind them.

Leaving the car, he walked into the house, depositing his keys on a bowl by the door. Cara followed close behind but far enough to dodge an attack, or so she hoped. Walking by the deposited keys, her fingers itched to grab them, make a run for it, but her brain didn't feel like making the deadly mistake so soon into the day or... week. Biting her bottom lip, she followed him into the living room.

Like the outside of the house, the inside lacked color, instead opting for white and shades grey. All in all, it looked like the kind of place that will get very messy if someone were to get murdered in it. But that didn't put her at ease. She still had no idea what he wanted.

Cara's fingers were inches from touching a plain white vase when Wesker finally spoke. "Welcome to my home."

She snatched her hand back so fast, her shoulder almost popped out of its socket. She opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out.

"You...live here?" Finally, she managed to form a few words.

"I do not like repeating myself, but yes, I live here. Stay here. I will be back." Wesker left Cara in the living room, making his way upstairs. Passing several doors, he came across one that streamed a golden light from beneath. Knocking three times, pausing, and then twice more, he waited for the response. He smiled, hearing the sound of four subsequent knocks and a scratching sound. This was their code, a living memory of his army days.

The door opened and smiling up at him was Sherry. He accepted her into his open arms before picking her up. "Your back, uncle Albert."

"Yes, and I brought you a really nice present."

"What is it! ...a puppy?"

"No, try again."

"Is it a dinosaur? A game? A dress? A book? Is it edible?" Sherry filled her bubble with guesses, eyes twinkling. She rubbed her hands together as if the friction could make the surprise appear faster. She had been alone all day and bored out of her mind.

Wesker shook his head at her simple thinking but enjoyed her expressions.

Walking into the living room, Wesker felt Sherry's gasp shake her whole body. "Cara!" the little girl squeaked before jumping out of the older man's grasp. She raced to her babysitter, unable to believe her eyes.

Cara's expression transformed from a scowl to a tender smile upon noticing Sherry, eyes brimming with tears.

The little girl snuggled against Cara, relishing the comforting scent of her friend. Truly, she thought she was in heaven. "Thank you, Uncle Albert! This the greatest surprise ever!" Sherry beamed at her uncle, half her face smushed against Cara's chest.

"And it gets even better. Cara agreed to come play with us every day right after school." Wesker burst Cara's bubble with a rusted pin, killing all hope of escape.

Cara's smile immediately fell. She shot daggers at the older man who merely took a seat on the couch, legs spread wide apart as he rested his arms over the back of the couch.

"Really? I can't believe it! I am so happy. We can do so many things, Cara, not just on Friday nights."

"Y-you can't-" Cara stuttered, struggling against herself to end the happiness of a little girl. To Cara, disappointing Sherry was a terrifying thing, especially if she the very cause of it.

"Why don't you take her to play in your room?" Sherry was already leading Cara before the dirty cop finished his sentence.

"Wait, Sherry. You go on up, and I will um...come to play in a few minutes. I just need to talk to...Uncle Albert for a sec." Cara spat his name.

"Ok!" Sherry said, bouncing on her feet, and ran upstairs. Once the little girl's giggles grew distant, she turned to Wesker who was already watching her with the eyes of a lazy predator. His shades sat in front of him on the coffee table, neatly folded.

Cara couldn't help the tingling shiver as he watched her. She gathered her courage and stood up straight, forcing her nerves down before speaking, "What if I don't want to continue the job?"

Wesker laughed at the ridiculous proposal.

"And break the poor girl's heart? She has consistently asked for you every day, more so than for her own parents. Where is Cara? Is she ok? Can I visit her?"

"Stop using her against me! I don't want to get involved more than I already have with you."

"Sherry experienced horrible things that night, all because of who her parents are. So, if she wants her delicious babysitter back, then she will have her back. Simple." Wesker knew which buttons to press to get her to do exactly what he wanted. The fear factor wasn't everything, and it wouldn't last long. He knew she loved his niece like a little sister, and he will use that to secure a tight collar over her neck.

'A delicious babysitter.' For some reason, these words stood out to Cara, and she found herself unable to formulate a coherent sentence, feeling the temperature of the room rise rapidly.

"But why does it have to be here? In your house?"

"As much as I support my dear friend William, he can be a little too preoccupied with his work and often becomes disengaged from the outside world. He forgot to call anyone to fix the damages, and so the house has yet to be repaired. Until it's ready, Sherry will stay here, that is unless she chooses to stay indefinitely, which I don't mind at all. It's always too quiet around here."

Seeing no way out of this, Cara begrudgingly walked upstairs, defeat weighing down her steps. Her mood brightened a little while playing with Sherry, but she couldn't put her whole heart into it. Her choice was taken away, and she couldn't live with that. But in the end, she had to be grateful as this was still better than being murdered and stuffed into a dumpster or buried alive.

For now, she will do her best to make Sherry happy. The little girl has been through a lot already.

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Hours later, Cara stood in front of the sink, swirling the cool water in her glass before gulping it down. She was halfway through the water when she felt something warm, soft, and feather-like touch the back of her neck. She spun around to see Wesker walking away, the faintest hint of a smirk on his lips. She barely registered the icy water spilling on her clothes as she realized what happened. Her stomach weaved knots, pulling them too tight to undo.

Wesker had kissed her neck. And then he just walked away as if nothing happened. This had to be the strangest trick her mind could play on her. Or was it? There was simply no way a man like him will ever be interested in her. Never.

It felt like a terrible joke, and yet, she found her hand touching her neck, a rosy blush making its way.

#resident evil #albert wesker #Albert Wesker X OC #albert wesker x oc

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Something Like Love (Biadore) - Tanawrites

Summary - Bianca is scared but maybe love is just two idiots who don’t know a damn thing except that they’re willing to figure it out together.

A/N - back this time with something a little different, I hope you like it. I’d also like to send a lot of love and support to all the writers in this fandom and particularly those who’ve been affected by some recent developments, what you do is appreciated and respected and I hope you can find inspiration and peace soon. Big thanks to @chaoticnachokitten who beta'd for me as well!

They don’t talk about it. It’s been six months of neither of them acknowledging this thing happening between them. It was hard to believe with Bianca’s blunt approach to everything, unfiltered and honest and Adore’s habit of blurting out whatever it was that she was thinking, never stopping to consider the consequences. When it came to this though, when it came to them, had radio silence even from Adore.

It happened slowly. Flirting as they leaned up against the bar, eyeing each other as Bianca watched Adore perform, eventually approaching Adore and offering to buy her a drink. Drunken hookups and texting until they could see each other again. It hadn’t been conventional but it had started harmless enough. A mutual attraction, sex whenever they felt like it, no strings attached.

Somewhere along the way, late nights after Adore finished her set turned into lazy Sunday afternoons doing laundry together since so much of Adore’s was mixed with Bianca’s anyway and Bianca “educating” Adore on old TV shows she hadn’t seen.

They still didn’t talk about it. There were no labels for their relationship and for all intents and purposes, what they did was supposed to be casual. No strings attached was fine until they started to get tangled.

Bianca had brushed it off, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of her mind that screamed too close too much. If they didn’t talk about it, she didn’t have to admit to herself just how deeply their lives had intertwined. How Adore hadn’t just snuck her way in but how she had barrelled through Bianca’s long-standing walls and that even if she hadn’t, Bianca might have just been readily handing over the key.

Adore had seemed willing and ready to come along for the ride, there had been no stopping to ask questions or clarify what they were. It just simply was between them. And for that Bianca was grateful because she didn’t have an answer, only a single instinct - run.

As their whirlwind romance had dwindled to a steady flame rather than the burning inferno, it was getting harder and harder for Bianca to ignore. It was easy at the start to insist on Adore coming to her place because she didn’t have roommates but that didn’t explain why Adore now had a drawer full of clothes in Bianca’s dresser, the second toothbrush next to her own, the fact that she knew exactly how Adore liked her first coffee of the day and that Bianca left it on the nightstand while she woke Adore a few minutes before her alarm, to steal a few moments for just the two of them before the rest of the outside world made itself known again.

It’s a Thursday morning, far earlier than either of their alarms were set but it wasn’t exactly early considering Bianca hadn’t slept.

There had been a moment last night when they were curled up around each other, stomachs full on take-away food they’d ordered in and her mind clouded from a few glasses too many of wine when Bianca thought that this thing they had may have been the most like home she’d ever felt. Then, even the safety that came with her familiar bedsheets and the weight of Adore’s head nestled against her shoulder feeling like a blanket concealing them from the sharp truths of reality, wasn’t enough to stop Bianca’s cold panic.

You can’t find home in a person. Hearts don’t make for strong foundations and Bianca knew exactly what it felt to have the roof come crashing in, arms not strong enough to hold it up no matter how good they felt wrapped around her.

For the rest of the night and not for the first time in the past few weeks, Bianca stopped to consider their situation. She was wearing Adore’s shirt, brewing a pot of coffee while Adore slept. Two mugs were on the counter - her own plain white and the largest she could find while Adore’s was brightly colored in an obnoxious pattern. It had found its way into her cabinet after a trip they’d made to Ikea and it was with a roll of her eyes that it ended up in the basket but it was Adore’s mug. The thought made her shudder, recoiling from the item that usually brought a fond smile to her lips in the forgiving hours of the early morning.

She’d spent hours beside Adore’s sleeping form, a leg stretched across her hips or grabby hands when Adore stirred enough to reach for her again. Once she finally detangled herself without disturbing Adore, she spent what felt like an equal amount of time leaning against the kitchen counter, idly tapping her nails against the countertop to soothe her instinctual urge to pace.

“We can’t do this anymore.”

Adore’s head lifted from the pillow with a groan, sleep fogging her gaze as she tried and failed to focus on Bianca’s form at the end of the bed.

“What do you mean? I sleep over on weekdays all the time. You were only late to work that once.”

Assuming there would be time to finish this argument later, Adore dropped back to the bed. She clutched the sheets closer and made grabby hands at Bianca, hoping she could convince her to come back to bed. She was oblivious to the hurricane that was circling in Bianca’s mind and in any other situation, Bianca would be handling this better. But this was Adore and she was in too deep and she was hanging on to the edge by her fingertips as she desperately tried to gain some leverage again and it had been six months.

“I mean…fuck, I mean us. We can’t do this anymore.”

Bianca fought the urge to wring her hands together, stifling it by crossing her arms across her chest. It also worked as a defense mechanism as she watched emotions cross Adore’s face and willing her own to remain blank. The last traces of sleep slipped away as Adore sat up, giving way to a combination of hurt and confusion.

There was a stab in Bianca’s chest, triggered by pure emotion that ached to reach for Adore. To soothe away the crinkle of a frown between her eyebrows, to kiss away the pout on her lips, to say things that she didn’t even know if she wanted to say. Bianca’s mind had always taken precedence over her heart though and it was with ease she distanced herself as she watched thoughts starting to form in Adore’s mind.

“I have to go to work but if you could just leave the key on the counter and lock the door behind you.”

“I…what? What the fuck do you mean?”

“I’m running late, I’ve got to go.”

“Why are you doing this?”

As Bianca turned on her heel, Adore’s voice broke. It wasn’t quite a sob, there was too much anger in her tone for it to sound broken but it stopped Bianca in her tracks. She didn’t turn around, even as she heard Adore get to her feet.

She had to focus on preparing herself for when Adore no doubt reached for her, steeling her shoulders with an ease that came from a lifetime of practice. By the time Adore was reaching for her elbow and spinning her around, Bianca was ready to fix her with a cold gaze that didn’t falter when Adore stumbled over her words.

“Just talk to me! What’s going on?”

As Adore’s voice rose, Bianca sighed. The sound was exasperated and knew it would come across directed at Adore; she wanted it to be received that way. It would be easier if Adore was mad, if Adore hated her for this.

She could see the uncertainty swimming amongst a light sheen of tears in Adore’s eyes and Bianca hated it.

Adore was creative and impulsive and could be so contradicting in her own self; wise beyond her years in some moments and so naively, endearingly youthful in others. What came with that was feeling emotions to the extreme and often, not knowing how to channel or filter them before they bubbled to the surface. Any time Adore’s mind was too muddled for her to make sense of, Bianca responded with patience and compassion and watching it now, she felt defenseless.

It was an expected question but it was one she didn’t have an answer for. Not a genuine one, not one she could admit without her own voice wavering so she lied. A calm, calculated lie that she barely recognized.

“Nothing’s going on. I just think we’ve run our course. It was fun but…it’s done.”

This time she does turn away, moving around the apartment methodically, ignoring that it was nothing like her usual routine of leaving for work. By the time she had grabbed her purse, Adore had broken free from the trance-like shock Bianca had heartbreakingly left her in and a guttural, exasperated sound from Adore breaks the silence.

“Why won’t you let me in?”

Bianca paused for a mere moment, the wince that crossed her face out of Adore’s view before sliding the strap of her purse over her shoulder.

“Goodbye, Adore.”

The set of keys on her counter and the silence that greeted Bianca was a stark contrast to the last six months. There were always the lingering signs of Adore being in her apartment, even if she wasn’t there to greet Bianca. Mussed sheets because Bianca was the only one who insisted on making the bed. A stray pair of shoes or clothes littering the floor of her bedroom because Adore used it as her personal wardrobe, instead of the sections Bianca had silently cleared out for her. It was even louder when Adore was there to greet her, the smell of takeaway food wafting through the front door waiting for her or Adore’s chaotic manner of getting ready for a gig and insisting Bianca hurry up too.

It was eerily silent today. Her freshly made bed and empty floor were a bitter reminder of the morning and in an attempt to escape her new reality, Bianca barely gave herself time to change clothes before she was locking the door behind her again.

Her feet nearly carried her to their usual bar, where she’d met Adore all that time ago now and where they frequented - both because Adore got discounted drinks for being on their regular rotation of musicians and the convenience of how it was right in the middle of both of their apartments. It wasn’t a question though - she could never go there again, not even on the nights she knew Adore wasn’t performing. She reasoned it was to not add fuel to the flame but a smaller voice told her that without a doubt if she knew Adore hated her, the way Bianca wanted, she might crack. But if she heard Adore sing, if Adore even spared her a single glance, Bianca without a doubt would shatter.

She found herself in a different seedy bar, a straight spirit in front of her that she was drinking too fast, too recklessly.

She had told herself all day, she wouldn’t miss Adore. She wouldn’t allow herself to miss her because it wasn’t like that. It was good sex (earthshattering, mindnumbing, so good it was practically art) but Bianca knew she could find a warm body when her urges were particularly insatiable, without everything else that had come with Adore.

She told herself she didn’t miss Adore but there was a bartender with a raised eyebrow every time he topped up her glass and a half-empty bottle of scotch that was reminding Bianca just how hard she was trying to drown Adore’s voice out of her mind, to kill her name off her lips.

After waking up hungover and alone after that first night, Bianca immersed herself in work. It wasn’t unusual for her but less so in the past few months as she chose Adore. To fill that void, she was putting in overtime at work. She’d been the last at the office and continued at home until she was tired enough to fall asleep in her empty bed. Although she’d never admit it, Bianca had spent the entire last week trying to avoid her apartment as much as possible. The haven didn’t feel quite as warm anymore and Bianca knew it was her own mistake of getting too comfortable with Adore around.

She’d ignored phone calls and texts from her friends, namely Courtney who of course knew since she’d introduced her to Adore and they had hit it off. She had cut herself off and was justifying it as taking time for herself again, re-focusing on work and she’d be damned if Courtney saw through the flimsy walls she was desperately trying to reconstruct.

Tonight had started different than the past week, her boss forcing her out of the office when everybody else left. She’d made her way into an unfamiliar bar and sat by herself. She was nursing a glass of wine and pretending to pay attention to whatever was playing on the small television in the corner. All night, she’d been watching the clock. She was painfully aware that Adore was singing tonight, a mere block away, tantalizingly close.

Bianca could practically feel time moving slowly as if the clock was mocking her. She was never late for one of Adore’s shows if she said she’d be there. She had a usual seat, at a high table that was slightly off the side but in a spot that was illuminated just enough that when Adore glanced her way, their eyes could meet.

She told herself she would go home, that tonight would be an early night. That’s what she repeated to herself as she grabbed her purse and turned down the street in the opposite direction of her apartment.

Her jaw was tense as she walked, faster than she needed to make it in time but if she stopped to think about it for even a second, she would snap out of the haze and talk herself out of it.

She nearly did, stumbling over her words as the bouncer greeted her by name, telling her she was just in time. She spared him a smile as he held the door open for her, just as she heard the familiar strum of a guitar that Adore would use as a final soundcheck and a way to get everybody’s attention before she spoke.

(Like everybody in the room wasn’t already looking; Adore could command a room without even trying.)

She didn’t go for her usual seat but opted to sit at the back, where she had a clear view of Adore on the small, makeshift stage but hoping that the people between them was enough to mask her from Adore’s.

She knew it was a bad idea when she turned in the direction of this bar. She knew it was a bad idea when a waitress brought her usual drink over to the table. She knew it was a bad idea when the lights were dimmed and a spotlight came on the stage.

It was a bad idea but as soon as Adore’s voice broke the silence that had settled over the bar, introducing herself and began to sing, Bianca was unable to move.

Her eyes were locked on Adore from across the room and for a moment, she thought she was going to break the glass that she had clutched in her hand. It wasn’t a song she recognized but that didn’t matter. Adore could sing anything and Bianca was enthralled.

Listening to Adore sing was something unlike anything else but this right now, it hurt. Looking at Adore hurt.

Her voice was familiar, the same one that called her name from the end of the aisle in the grocery store when she was trying to convince Bianca to buy more ice cream or singing in the shower in the early hours of the morning. It was laced heavy with emotion as Adore sang right now, in a way Bianca hadn’t heard before but she shouldn’t have been so surprised. Adore expressed herself creatively, wore her heart on her sleeve and her guitar pick.

As she listened to Adore sing, Bianca’s chest felt full. Full of regret and missing Adore and loneliness but most of all fear. It ran cold through her body, encompassing all else and then leaving her empty.

She lasted one song. One song before Bianca was finishing her drink in one mouthful and rushing outside, tears pricking at her eyes and the cool air both a shock.

The phone rang once. Twice. Three times.

Bianca had her back resting against the brick of the building behind her, her eyes closed and head tilted back. It was a position she’d screw her face up at when Adore pulled her into an alleyway to smoke but she found herself mirroring it now, either too exhausted or too intoxicated to care.

She was counting the seconds that passed since she pressed the call button under Adore’s name. There was no reason Adore should answer, especially not in the middle of the night and even more so because it was Bianca calling but she was holding her breath hoping she would.

She’d made a mistake that night, going to watch Adore sing. It was the first of many for the night though, the several drinks she’d had after going back to the first bar and coming here once she was cut off, being at the top of the list.

“B?” Adore answered the phone and Bianca’s mind went blank. Adore’s voice was thick with sleep and confusion but Bianca could imagine the look on her face as the realization sunk in and Adore added, “What do you want?”

“I just wanna see you.”

Adore’s quiet scoff echoed and Bianca winced.

“I do want to see you, I know that’s fucked up-”

“Yeah it is fucked up, dude.”

“Adore, I’m sorry…I don’t know why…”

Somewhere along the way, Bianca’s slurring had become a wordless, silent cry.

“Are you cr-”

“No. Shit, I don’t know. It’s just cold out here and you sounded really good tonight and…”

Between Bianca’s sniffling, Adore repeated back what she had said, piecing together the scattered segments of what Bianca had managed to get out. When silence had settled between them, only the sounds of Adore rustling on the other end and Bianca’s poorly subdued crying, she remembered why she was here.

“I didn’t buzz up, I didn’t know if anybody else was asleep.”

“I know, I’m coming down.”

Adore didn’t sound happy but Bianca’s heart still raced as she listened to her coming down the stairs, mentally trying to count each one as they were the seconds until Adore was there with her.

Once the main door to the building opened, Bianca lifted her head from where it was resting back against the brick with more effort than it should have required.

“Hi.”

She let her phone drop from her ear, dangling from her hand instead as she took in Adore’s appearance. There were slippers on her feet and a blanket tossed around her shoulders but bare legs that made her smile. It soon slipped away when Adore cleared her throat and Bianca was glancing up into disappointed eyes instead.

“Hi.”

Bianca repeated, pushing herself off the wall in a moment of confidence that was entirely misplaced as she stumbled, reminding herself that the building was in fact keeping her up and not the other way around.

As Adore cursed and surged forwards to catch her, Bianca thought maybe it wasn’t so misplaced after all.

“God, do you know what an idiot you are?”

Despite the harsh question, Adore’s voice was softer than Bianca expected. It was softer than Bianca deserved. It was hard to focus on though as she leaned against Adore, trying to remain upright and ignoring how the smell of Adore’s perfume was more intoxicating than anything else she’d consumed that night.

It was a struggle of mumbled apologies from Bianca and a gentle hushing from Adore as they got up the few flights of stairs to Adore’s apartment. It wasn’t long until they were in Adore’s bedroom and she was set down unceremoniously on Adore’s bed amongst the mussed sheets.

It was through hooded eyes that Bianca was looking up at Adore and she didn’t know if it was a remaining layer of tears or all the alcohol but her expression was unreadable.

There were so many things Bianca wanted to say, that she was sorry, that she was just scared, that she wanted things to go back to normal, that loving Adore had happened so easily and so effortlessly that she didn’t know how that could be reciprocated. Someone like her wasn’t easy to love, all sharp edges and missing parts.

All she managed was to focus her gaze enough to reach for Adore’s hand, clumsily fumbling until she could tangle their fingers enough to tug her forward a little.

She didn’t have the words, nor the balance to sink to her knees and beg Adore for things to go back to how they were. Equally so, she didn’t know if she could take it if Adore understandably, said no.

Instead of saying anything, she pulled Adore’s hand right to her face and pressed a single kiss to her palm.

They stayed that way for a moment, Bianca turning her face to rest against Adore’s hand. Adore’s sigh broke the quiet though and she pulled away, only to bend and start untying Bianca’s shoes.

The last thing Bianca remembered before succumbing to sleep was Adore pulling the sheets up to her chin and she thought to herself if somebody was going to be home that it would be this person right here, who had all the reason and hands strong enough to break her that chose to put her back together instead.

When Bianca woke up the next day, her hangover didn’t register immediately. Instead, her attention was drawn to the sensation of fingers running along her arm, tracing invisible patterns like Adore could read something on her skin that even Bianca didn’t know was written there.

Her eyes stubbornly remained closed and she slowly came to the rest of her senses. There was a moment of disbelief, knowing there shouldn’t be any reason Adore was still taking pity on her enough to be indulging Bianca this much.

“I’m still mad at you, you know.”

There it was. Bianca thought the moment was about to be shattered but despite Adore’s words, the soft touch never faltered.

“You’re a real pain in the ass when you’re drunk too.”

“Not just when I’m drunk,” Bianca added, the sound of her croaky voice making her wince. She finally opened her eyes though and a glass of water on the nightstand. She gulped it down gratefully and then turned around to face Adore.

“You’re right about that.”

Bianca’s shifting had pushed Adore’s hand off her arm and as she looked at Adore, face turned downwards and fingers idly playing with a stray thread, she craved the contact again.

She had none of her confidence from last night though so she didn’t reach for Adore’s hand the way she wanted to. The way she would have before she messed everything up.

“I’m sor-“

“I just want to know-“

They both started speaking but Bianca gestured for Adore to continue. The last time they spoke she had been in too much of her own panic to take in anything Adore was saying and this time, she needed to hear her out.

(Bianca was hanging on every word.)

“I want to know what happened. I thought…I didn’t think anything was wrong.”

Adore stopped, a frown forming between her brows. Bianca could see on her face that she was struggling to pull full sentences from her thoughts. Thoughts that she couldn’t gauge the way she usually could. She forced herself to be patient, to bite her tongue and let Adore sort out her thoughts. The new few moments passed tantalisingly slow but Bianca remained quiet, fiddling with the corner of the sheet to busy her hands.

“I thought we were on the same page but you were like a chapter ahead of me or something. Fuck, I don’t even think you were reading the same book as me.”

Adore’s rising frustration was evident and Bianca waited until she sighed out and nodded along for Bianca to speak.

“We were on the same page, I was just…reading too much into it?” Bianca visibly winced at trying to continue Adore’s analogy. She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat and tried again. “Nothing was wrong exactly. That was kind of the problem though.”

It was getting hard for her to continue, especially while she was stalling what she actually needed to say. There was no liquid courage or Adore’s comforting hold to help her through it either, just Bianca needing to break through the walls that were holding her back.

“I didn’t realise how…comfortable we had gotten. It just happened so easily that I didn’t even notice it happening and that scared me.”

“I get that you’re this emotional cactus or whatever but I don’t get it still. We weren’t doing anything from the norm.”

“The fact that we had a norm was the problem.”

“You know I don’t really care for labels or anything, right?”

“I didn’t because we didn’t ever talk about it - because I didn’t want to…but I realised that if you did, that I would want to be okay with it.”

Adore seemed to understand now. The confusion faded from her expression but the defiant hurt remained, her brows still laced together in a frown.

“So you realised you were happy and…didn’t want to be?”

A single chuckle, humourless and exhausted left Bianca’s parted lips.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“You were right, you are an idiot sober too.”

Bianca paused. There were still the nagging thoughts telling her this was too much, that she was too much but she silenced them with thoughts of how empty her life was the past week. Adore was too loud and imperfect in a million ways that made Bianca’s nerves flicker out of control but she was golden. Listening to Adore sing or watching her do something as simple as pick a movie for them to watch on Netflix and just be, as exactly who she was drove Bianca crazy.

(It made Bianca want to give Adore everything the world had to offer, down to the very last drop.)

“I am and I have no idea what I’m doing but I know I want to do it with you.”

Adore seemed to be thinking it over, tasting how the words felt in her mouth before speaking them and Bianca was a wreck. Her nerves were shot and she was ready to backpedal on all of it, to haul her hungover ass out of the apartment.

“Well that’s all you had to say.”

Adore silenced everything then, all of Bianca’s fears, the words threatening to blabble out, even the catch in her throat, with a kiss planted perfectly on her mouth.

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #adore delano #biadore #angst #lesbian au #tanawrites #tw for alcohol #concrit welcome

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whispersafterdusk · 3 years

Text

Lost in Time - ch 14

It'd been four days since their tussle with the spy; they hadn't heard or seen any hint of them, and so far the only injury that had turned up at Xu's clinic had been a woman who had fallen on a bit of wood. Asher had gone into town long enough to get his broken tooth pulled (front right tooth on the top...he looked like a doofus when he smiled now) and had immediately returned to camp to hunker down and wait out the spy's next visit while the Civil Corps members had gone on a manhunt across the marsh and into the neighboring desert area.

So far, nothing.

They'd briefly discussed the suits again; Eli couldn't make up her mind on whether this Access suit thing was an original (less worrying) or if Duvos had figured out how to piece one together (really worrying). Asher shared her worries -- the thought of Duvos mass producing those things for their soldiers, even if they weren't working like they did in Eli's time, would still pose a huge problem if the continent ever went to war again. ((Continued below cut))

He did know she'd given up on the trail cameras for now but she was still working on something out in the tent; it used a lot of the same pieces that she'd set aside for the cameras but also several new, different ones that she'd sent Petra and Selene after. The centerpiece of these new additions was a detached screen that she'd marked out dimensions on - she was either cutting it down to size and needed the middle-most section or she was dividing it into a rectangle and eight smaller squares that were all roughly the same size. She hadn't done anything with the screen yet aside from measuring and marking out those squares but there were small piles of nigh identical looking chips, boards, and wires that were already assembled and sitting in a neat little line on the rubberized canvas under her cot that he assumed had to be put together first before the screens could be attached to them.

It had been a fascinating sight to watch her work with such tiny components; he hadn't had a chance yet to ask her what those things were (interrupting her while she was working on them seemed like a poor idea since it looked so...fragile, in a way) but he was looking forward to seeing the finished product, learning what the gadgets were for, and why she needed so many of them. It also piqued his curiosity about Old World tech in general; so much of it seemed purposely designed to work with pretty much anything else. Maybe Old World technology didn't so much depend on the parts as it did the programs to run it...which in turn made him wonder, assuming they ever got to a point where they knew how to read and create new programs, if all the old relics could be made to work again like they did back then rather than being pieced together with spotty knowledge and prayers.

Behind him Adam, Arlo, and Eli were all asleep inside the tent with the front flaps pulled closed to block out as much of the unusually plentiful sunlight as possible - there wasn't a cloud in the sky and it was considerably warmer today than it had been lately; he appreciated the warmth and imagined his sleeping companions probably did as well but found himself going back and forth on whether he was truly grateful for the "sunny" part of this sunny day. On the one hand, that suit made the spy near-invisible but not intangible so they should still cast a shadow so if the spy was dumb enough to try sneaking in close in broad daylight Asher was hopeful he would spot that before they got close enough to be a danger. On the other hand he doubted they would actually be that stupid. The constant prickle at the back of his neck - the feeling of being watched - wasn't a sensation Asher enjoyed, and it also wasn't something he was used to experiencing for such a prolonged period of time; he had no proof though that he WAS being watched, and that was probably bothering him more than the prickling was.

The grumpy sigh he huffed out whistled a bit as it exited through the gap his missing tooth had left behind; that annoyed him to no end too. Asher didn't consider himself an overly vain person but damn it he'd liked how he looked; it had taken a couple years to be at peace with the sunken in scar across his nose but at least that made him look...adventurous. Dashing. Daring. A missing tooth made him look like a drunkard, and it would be a long trip to Seesai to get a replacement that wouldn't prematurely discolor. Adam was right in that he could easily get a tooth closer to home but, again, discoloration was a problem -- whatever that woman in Seesai did to keep the false teeth from coloring was a closely guarded secret...no one knew what she did or what recipe she used, not even her family if they were to be believed.

He supposed it was a question of if he wanted to look stupid with his tooth gap or look stupid with a yellowed tooth in a few years. Neither thought was especially attractive and brought with it a sort of helpless frustration that, coupled with the prickling feeling of having eyes on him, made him want to get up and move around to burn off the pent up energy and emotion.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of rustling grass; before he could truly react to the sound Eli came into view and he relaxed slightly.

"You're up - uh, early. Or however you want to consider it."

She shrugged as she sat down on one of the rocks ringing the firepit. "Eh, it happens. Sometimes you just don't sleep."

"Any new ideas?"

For a time she didn't respond; silently Asher surveyed their surroundings - everything still seemed to be as it ought to be. He still felt twitchy though...he was ready for action, or for anything that wasn't sitting here keeping watch. Maybe with Eli awake he could exercise or something.

"Not really," Eli finally responded. "I can think of twelve different ways to disable that suit but they all require tech that doesn't exist anymore. And it's not something I could put together from stuff that's left here."

Asher nodded, then glanced back toward the tent; when she'd come out she'd left the tent flaps open and he could barely detect movement inside -- Arlo shouldn't be up for awhile yet but it was looking like Adam was waking up. "So what's all that stuff you've been working on then?"

"Hi-Defs."

"I've no idea what those are."

"They're wrist-mounted computers. A lot of their functionality isn't going to work right in this day and age but back in mine they were onboard guidance systems with maps of all the regions, could make and receive calls, they kept track of addresses and your appointments and bank accounts and whatever else you wanted to track, they could project 3D images, take pictures... They could do a lot of things depending on the model you had."

He blinked at her; only half of that had sunk in as he'd gotten a bit hung up on the concept of a wrist-mounted computer. "Really? Why those then? If they're not going to work right, I mean. What will they even be able to do?"

"I want them mostly for communication and maps of this region. I'd need signal transmitters in some strategic areas but once I get it all tethered to the facility they should work. It's going to take a lot of footwork to get maps updated since it'll have to be manual scanning rather than satellite surveillance...or, hmm. Maybe some satellites survived." She paused for a moment, then shook her head. "Nah, shouldn't rely on that. Arlo mentioned there's a space station segment out in the wastes but even if there's enough left there to scavenge I doubt I could get a link going with anything that might be left up there, and even if I managed it I still wouldn't have a way to issue orders or anything like that." There was another pause and a sigh, and a wistful glance toward the sky before she returned her attention to him. "Mine will be the sort of central control for them all outside of whatever computer station I decide to run them off of. My aim is to give them to anyone involved with the security of this facility."

"Huh." Him with a high tech device...not something he'd considered before. The idea was...kind of exciting, to be honest. "So maps and talking to one another. Is that all we can hope for?"

"Communication and map display is, bare minimum, what I'm aiming for, with maybe a basic calendar and clock function. I'll have a look at what I can immediately do once I've server-flashed Pauline and get at least one transmitter up for testing."

"...and you've lost me. What's a server-flash?"

She laughed quietly. "-right. It's hard to determine what terms survived the years and what didn't - with Petra and Merlin it's at least a 50% shot that I don't have to define something for them. So! Server-flashing. I take the main operational files for an AI and do a sort of...quick copy of their foundation. Pauline's an AI but not a living AI so I don't need to worry about her personality or anything, just the uh...the semi-intelligent framework she runs on."

"Yeah, going to need that taken down a few degrees still. Pauline seems just as smart as Stewart but she doesn't have personality?"

"Nope. She's just a regular assistant AI -- a sort of input-output response machine with just enough programmed intelligence to appear sentient but she can't learn or grow as a...uh...well, not as a "person" exactly but she -- she won't ever change. She just is what she is. AIs like her you could make infinite copies of and they'll never, ever stop being identical copies unless something on the outside alters them. Stewart on the other hand, if I were to make a copy of him, that copy would develop its own personality if given enough time to learn and live and the same would happen with a regular living AI."

That...sort of made sense. At least, it was simple enough that he could grasp it without her needing to explain it more in-depth. "And you're going to use her to run the Hi-Defs."

"After some minor reprogramming yes."

He nodded slowly; having a little, easily accessed map right on his wrist would be neat, even if it was just of Portia. And if it worked well here maybe it could be expanded out into the other cities and nations too...and, oh man, would that make mapping the Peripheries way easier too if all they had to do was walk through it with the Hi-Def recording or whatever it did to create the maps -- suddenly he could think of all sorts of possibilities and perks to having one of the things. "What would be the range on these things? How would they figure out and store maps?"

"Range depends on what kind of signal strength I can get. Hi-Defs have their own localized signals so they'll all be able to 'talk' to one another within a certain range, and also interface with the signals coming from the transmitters at a much wider range. I'm pretty sure I'd only need sixteen or so at some key points to cover all of Portia and a bit of the outlying areas. As for updating or creating maps it'll have to be manual scanning -- someone is going to have to start from an already mapped point and then let the Hi-Def scan the territory as you travel through it. It'll take awhile but the program that runs a Hi-Def is robust enough to piece it all together without too much extra work needed. And they have their own onboard storage to hold it all."

"Neat...and amazing." As a more comfortable silence fell Asher tossed a few thick branches onto the fire and nudged them into place with a blackened, straight branch he'd purposely kept as a sort of log poker. If Adam was stirring too then he should probably get the fire's heat evened out so he could start cooking. "Did you end up camping a lot as a ranger?"

"Yeah. I went camping for fun too."

He carefully poked at the fire for a moment. "...do you miss doing that?"

There was a long pause before she answered. "I miss a lot of things."

Asher winced a bit. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

She shook her head and flashed him a strained smile. "Nah, don't be afraid to ask things. The funny thing with pain is the more you experience it, the easier it is to tolerate."

"I don't think it works that way with this kind of...you know."

With a shrug she turned to pick up the cooking kit (which was in a large leather satchel that had seen better days) that was off to the side of the firepit. "Works well enough for now. I don't want you guys walking on eggshells around me, and I can't hide from it forever. Hell, I can't hide from it even if I wanted to."

Asher was quiet as she handed the satchel over; he pulled the kettle out and stood to go fill it from the water barrel they'd installed just inside the tent flaps, then came back and sat it among the coals to start boiling. A feeling of guilt had settled like a rock in his stomach -- that had been such a stupid thing to ask her. "If you ever want to...talk, or something. I'll listen."

The smile she gave him this time was less strained. "I know. It's appreciated."

As he bent to re-arrange a few half-burned logs she got up and walked out of his immediate line of sight; behind him somewhere he heard Adam's low voice and then the man's plodding footsteps as he came over and took Eli's place on the rock. Asher just managed to catch the sight of Eli disappearing into the tent as he glanced back but she quickly came back into view a moment later.

"I'll be back in a bit - I need to grab a few things from town." She had her pack slung over a shoulder but it hung limp and empty. "Don't bother cooking for me."

"All right. If you're sure," Asher replied.

"I am." With that she began to jog toward the path that, eventually, led back into Portia.

Asher watched her go and then sighed heavily, looking over to Adam. "You ever feel like a massive idiot sometimes?"

"Sure," Adam grunted. "Then I remember I'm not you and feel better."

Asher rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to whack the man with the fire poker stick; when he didn't rise to the man's banter Adam gave him a strange look.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I think. How do you want your eggs this time?"

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Dr. Xu had acquired a wooden chair with a really comfortable cushion and a small wooden table for Harrison to work at; it sat in the corner near the front doors so it would be out of the way of everything else in the clinic but its position did mean that usually, when someone walked inside, Harrison was the first thing they saw. Already several tourists looking for headache or muscle ache cures had approached him at the table to ask after the medications, even when Dr. Xu was clearly within view at his desk further in the room.

He kept telling himself to find humor in the situation but it was starting to get a little annoying - especially after someone actually moved a stack of books out of the way to "speak to him" with Xu staring on in surprised confusion.

It was enough to have him dreading the sound of the doors opening, and so today when they slid open he actually flinched and carefully peered over the top of the book he had propped up in front of him.

To his surprise it was that girl from days ago - the one who had fallen on the driftwood and gotten it through her arm. She looked bright eyed and chipper, with no other obvious injuries, and he inwardly groaned as she looked around, spotted him, and came right over.

"Hey there!"

"Hello. How's the arm healing up?"

She smiled and slipped her coat off, then pulled her sleeve up to show the bandage there. "It's all fine and dandy - itchy, but doesn't seem infected or anything."

"Well, that's good." He went silent as she pulled her sleeve back down and got her coat back on, then cleared his throat awkwardly. "So...what did you need then?"

"Ah, hello there -- how is the arm?"

Harrison sat up a bit straighter as Xu came over; the girl gave the doctor a smile.

"It's all good. A bit itchy but seems to be healing."

Xu nodded. "Excellent to hear. Now, what brings you back to the clinic?"

The girl's smile faltered a bit and Harrison swore he saw a tinge of pink appear in her cheeks. "Ah...well, uh, I came to um. Talk to him, actually-"

She pointed shyly to Harrison, and he blinked at her in confusion. Talk to him? Why?

Xu seemed just as confused as he was. "Oh?"

"Yeah...um, private matter."

"Huh?" Harrison blurted out.

She turned her attention back to him and rubbed at her injured arm awkwardly. "Um. If you have the time, anyway."

"S-sure, I guess."

He stood up and came out from behind the table; the girl took a few timid steps toward the door and when he followed along she headed outside into a much brighter day than Harrison had been expecting.

He raised a hand to shield his eyes and looked over to her. "What did you need to talk to me about? Did I do something wrong with your injury?"

She shook her head, hard; it was hard enough to dislodge a few wisps of hair from the messy bun on top of her head. "No no nonono, nothing like that. I was just um, wondering if you'd...like to go get coffee or lunch sometime?"

With that the woman stood there, lightly scraping the toe of her shoe into the mud; Harrison felt like someone had abruptly switched off all the lights inside his brain. She wanted to go get coffee, with HIM?

"Uh..."

"It's ok if you don't want to," she went on in a rush. "I don't mind. You're probably busy. I shouldn't have asked."

"N-no, no, it's-" Harrison interrupted. "Ah - no one has ever asked that before. I think my brain shut off." He offered her a weak, slightly sheepish smile, and to his surprise she returned it. "But...why me?"

"I...dunno. You're from Lucien, like me. I don't meet a lot of Lucien natives when I travel around. And, you're. Um. You know...cute, so I thought, why not?"

Now it felt like his ears were on fire. "A-ah," was all he could say.

An awkward silence fell and it went on entirely too long for Harrison's liking; he was hoping she would say something...he wasn't sure WHAT, but he wanted to hear SOMETHING, anything, that would take the burden of this conversation off him until his brain caught up.

"So..."

"Ah, uh, yeah, um, sure," he said finally. "I-I mean, if you're sure."

The girl's face brightened and she bounced on the balls of her feet for a moment. "Hee! Yay! Ok, so when are you next free?"

"Later this evening?" he offered.

She nodded. "All right then - later this evening. Down at that restaurant in the square? The knight one?"

Harrison nodded, feeling lightheaded; he completely missed what she said as she waved and then headed off down the hill. Too late he returned the wave, and then leaned against the clinic doors behind him.

"What...just happened..." he muttered, rubbing at his forehead.

He, Harrison, had a date tonight.

...wait, did she ever even give her name?

"Oh boy..."

---------------------------------------------------

"Haven't seen you in a bit," Django said as Eli walked through the door.

With all the afterimages swimming around (it was REALLY bright outside today) Eli could barely see him, and somewhat stumbled her way toward the counter. "Been helping the Pigs out at the facility."

"Ah, that'd be it."

She managed to find a stool and sat down. "I had to come back for some supplies and I'd like to take some treats out to the them as a surprise."

Django nodded. "I see, hmm. I just pulled an apple pie out of the oven, and I've got some Black Forest cake made just this morning. Won't take long to whip anything else up either," he said as he flipped open a menu to the dessert section and slid it over to her.

"Thanks." She picked it up and held it in front of her; with the afterimages it'd probably be another minute or two before she could clearly read it. "Do you know if they've established any favorites?"

"I know Arlo doesn't really like sweets in general. I haven't talked to Asher or Adam enough to know about those two."

Eli frowned; good thing she'd asked. "All right, no sweets for Arlo then. I know he likes spicy things at least. How about...an order of vanilla pudding, some of that apple pie, and that spicy spaghetti stuff?"

"Sounds good."

As Django headed off toward the kitchen Eli folded the menu properly and returned it to the pile, then leaned forward to brace her elbows on the counter and put her forehead in her hands.

Every idea she'd had so far to disable that suit all required things that weren't around anymore; the easiest would be a localized EMP to overload the projector circuits and force it into a reboot cycle where it wouldn't be able to disguise its user until it fully restarted itself. A sliver shot would do similar in that it would disrupt the projectors by confusing its sensors with a quick burst of hard light mirror shards. Or she could use a taser overload, or a bolt drainer, or a sys-dis (a system disabler - it would scramble all the circuit signals), or even a battery overcharger. So many things she COULD do, if she was in her own time period...

But she wasn't, and simple ideas like trying to use water or some sort of paint or even dirt to try and short out or otherwise mark their target probably wouldn't work -- Access Suits had built in miniature shield generators evenly interspersed among the projector sensors that pulled double duty at repelling water as well as dirt, dust, or mud-like materials. She couldn't safely rely on the hope that those generators were as damaged as the faulty projectors; if they were working correctly they might get two seconds, tops, of visual assistance if they were to try and douse the spy in something...two seconds could seem like forever in a fight but since there was no telling what else that spy might be armed with by now Eli was not about to risk anyone around her with so many unknown variables (it was as much for the spy's safety as well as their own that they be able to clearly see what they were doing the next time they clashed - she'd hated firing blindly at the spy and it'd be a really simple matter for someone to accidentally kill someone else).

"Something the matter?"

Eli jumped at the sound of Django's voice just over her shoulder. "You walk really quietly when you want to."

Django chuckled as he moved back behind the counter; he had a few containers in hand that he neatly lined up on the counter in front of her. "Old habits I guess, haha. It'll be a few minutes on the spaghetti."

She slid her pack off her back and pulled a cloth bag out of one of the front pockets, then sat it on the counter; before she could say anything Django picked it up and began to slide the containers inside.

"It was an honest question though - something on your mind?"

Eli paused, then huffed out a sigh. "Just trying to figure out how to hunt down a ghost, is all."

Django's eyebrows raised a bit. "Wasn't aware we had a ghost problem outside of our haunted cave."

"Not a literal ghost," she replied, laughing quietly. "More like someone pretending to be one."

"I see. Not exactly your run of the mill problem to have."

With another sigh Eli rested her forehead on her hands again. "I'm not exactly a run of the mill person."

Django nodded slowly, rubbing at his chin. "...you know, how about we have a quick dart game while we wait on your spaghetti?"

There was something...odd, about his tone. Eli eyed him but couldn't detect anything other than his usual smiling demeanor -- he sounded off but looked fine.

"...all right," she answered, standing up and aside as he shuffled out from behind the counter and led the way toward the back game room.

There were a few others in the restaurant; Eli found herself waving at folks as she went and narrowly dodging Toby who was waving a report card at her (she made a mental note that there were only two more months for Toby to prove he'd kept his grades up enough for training) and then she was in the game room with Django already retrieving the darts from a drawer in the prize counter.

He didn't say anything at first as he handed her the three green darts while he kept the red ones. "So. Looking for a person pretending to be a ghost, you said?" Django lined up a dart and then tossed it a breath later; it landed right on the border between a bullseye and the next ring out.

Eli huffed then laughed quietly. "I feel like I'm about to lose. Terribly."

Django tossed another one and it landed squarely inside the bullseye. "I've had a lot of practice. Where's this ghost person lurking? Out at the facility?"

"...yeah," she answered after a pause. "We have an uninvited visitor out there."

The third dart he threw, to Eli's surprise, flew well off to the left and embedded itself into the thick safety backboard that the dartboard was mounted on. "When did this ghost show up?"

"Recently."

She watched silently as he went over and slowly took the darts down; when he was out of the way she took her first throw and it barely stayed within the board, embedding itself into a bottom right section that wasn't worth any points at all.

"Humor me. Was it someone you think is on the smaller, lighter side?"

"I...guess. Couldn't really get a good look at them, obviously." Rather than taking her second throw she turned around to face him; he'd moved over to lean against the prize counter's front, arms crossed over his chest and a somewhat brooding look on his face -- seeing something other than his usual cheerful expression immediately made her forget all about the dart game. "All right, spill: what are you getting at?"

Django inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Did Arlo tell you about that Rogue Knight we had, not too long ago?"

"Yeah, I've heard about it. He said you were the one who was able to drive them off too. You think this knight guy came back?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't think your visitor is the same Rogue Knight I fought that day. But you mentioning a ghost brought back some memories, from when I was younger. Of a different, more dangerous knight, in her own way."

Eli walked over and dropped her remaining darts onto the counter. "Are knights just a common thing now?"

"Not anymore. In the older days - meaning, the older days of our current era, between the Calamity and when humanity was finally recovering - folks took up the title of knight as they fought to protect their homes and people from both man and monster alike. Humanity didn't have much left back then...just a lot of old stories and memories of how things once were, but the legends that were even older than the Old World still managed to survive. Such stories helped keep the survivors alive, and while it's a tradition that's been mostly overwritten by the Civil Corps and other law enforcement nowadays, there's still a fair few of us who stick to those old stories and the honor that comes with claiming the title of knight."

Eli watched him as he spoke; the brooding look had given away to something more resembling a thoughtfulness - a softer, more introspective look, and as he talked his chin was slowly dipping down so his gaze ended up on the floor just in front of his feet.

"So..." she said quietly into the pause that followed. "Why did me mentioning a ghost make you think of another knight?"

Django finally lifted his gaze and flashed her a grim smile. "I drove that Rogue Knight off with the belief that he wouldn't dare step foot here again. I still believe that, in fact. But I've been on my guard for any hints of other troublesome knights that might show up to try and finish the job he left undone. It just so happens that I know of a woman who called herself the Ghost Knight -- I knew her when I was a younger man. We even fought together a few times to clear out monster nests or drive off bandits."

Eli's eyes widened. "You're kidding."

"I wish I were. You mentioning you were looking for someone pretending to be a ghost brought her to mind."

"Who is she? What's she look like? Why would she be here?"

"I don't know. I never learned her real name, and she never learned mine. I never even saw her face - only the strange suit of armor she wore. As for why she's here-"

"Is she a mercenary for hire?" Eli interrupted. "What - how did - how do knights function?" At his mildly surprised look she slumped her shoulders a bit. "Sorry - didn't mean to interrupt you."

Django chuckled and pushed off from the counter, moving to line up to throw his darts again. "Not a problem. I can only guess at why she'd be here -- same reason the Rogue Knight was, I wager. I wouldn't call her a mercenary...that's not what we did. But, it's been over a decade since I last spoke with her, and people can change."

Eli shifted and leaned against the counter almost in the same spot he'd just vacated, putting him and the dartboard at her back as she stared a hole into the wood in front of her; if this person was this Ghost Knight that Django had known years ago then that meant it was a good chance that this spy's having an Access Suit was just...a one-off. One person who got their hands on something that actually still worked. That was one fear off the list, at least.

"Django... How did this woman fight? What did she do as the Ghost Knight?"

"Scouting," came his answer, quicker than she'd expected. There was the sound of the dart thunking into the board before he continued. "No one was better at it than her. And in a battle she was the best flanking attacker you could hope to have on your side."

"Flanking... Does that mean she didn't take people on in a direct manner?"

"She avoided that as much as possible but she was still capable of defending herself if she had to." Another thunk of a dart. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure."

She turned around from the counter in time to see Django turning as well, flicking his wrist and sending the dart at the board without looking or aiming; the dart stuck into the bullseye.

"If you find this person, and manage to capture them, I would like to speak to her."

"I... I mean, I'M willing to let that happen, but I'm not a Civil Corps person. That's not likely up to me."

Django nodded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his colorful coat. "If you can make that happen, I'd be indebted to you... Excuse me, I should go check the spaghetti. It ought to be done by now."

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll head back up to the counter."

He disappeared through a small door into the kitchen and, as she said, Eli walked out of the game room and back to the counter where the rest of her order was sitting packed neatly into the cloth sack.

She looked over a shoulder at the restaurant's patrons; there were considerably more people here now than had been when she'd first walked in, and Django had purposely wanted to talk to her about it away from others. She really, really wanted to ask him more about how this Ghost Knight woman fought, or where she'd come from, or--

'I'll come back when it's not busy, or maybe I can catch him at home.'

That he'd admitted he'd been on the lookout for any other trouble-making knights worried her...maybe she should also split her history lesson time between Isaac and Django.

------------------------------------------------

"Bye, see you tomorrow!"

Django gave Sonia a small wave and a smile as she headed out the front door; there were a few spots left to sweep and then he could put out the lights and head home himself.

Normally he enjoyed the absolute silence of the restaurant late at night - it gave him time to daydream, or plan for the next day's operations. Tonight though... He couldn't help but think of that Ghost Knight. Everything he could recall about her had come flooding back in a rush when Eli had mentioned someone pretending to be a ghost; any other time he would have dismissed it as silly old memories but now...

He bent and swept up dirt into the dustpan, and then moved to carry it over to the waste bin.

Ever since he'd driven that rogue knight off he'd been constantly vigilant for any hint, no matter how small, that someone else had arrived to plunge Portia into chaos. He imagined most people would think he was being paranoid without reason and so had kept such worries to himself...maybe he shouldn't have done that. Portia's residents had been panicked at first and demanding more protections from the Civil Corps folks after the knight incident but, as time wore on, they'd fallen back into their lives without fear of outside threats; would anything be different now if Django had shared his worries with Gale?

"Too late for that," he muttered to himself.

He swept up the last little dust pile and dumped it into the bin, then went to put the dustpan and broom away.

Once everything but a single lamp was powered down he dipped behind the front counter; for the most part he stored napkins, silverware, and small dessert plates behind here but after that Rogue Knight had left he'd started stashing a small box out of sight behind the formal cloth napkins that were only used during holidays.

The box was about the length of his hand from fingertips to the heel of his palm, and was just barely shy of being perfectly square. Django popped the latch open and lifted the lid to reveal a delicate-looking pair of gloves made of silvery wires, each with a single wire that was much longer than the others that ended in a tiny plug; they were very hard to see among the loose cloth that padded the inside of the box, and he knew from experience that even when worn they were difficult to spot.

As he looked the gloves over he had his usual mixed feelings about them; hidden beneath his shirt and jacket were a pair of matching armbands hugging his biceps that had very small charge generators on it -- wearing the gloves with the lead wire plugged in allowed him to charge up and release a controlled shock that went off with a bang, a bright flash of light, and repelled anything he hit along with delivering a strong sting to his target.

Much like the memories of the Ghost Knight now all his memories of having found these relics came rushing back; he'd once been a young, stupid man, with lofty ideals about what it meant to be a knight without truly understanding anything about knighthood. He'd thought that finding these gloves had been the ultimate stroke of luck -- something to make him an unstoppable force of good in the world. He'd been hilariously proven wrong, over and over, until he began to treat them as tools to compliment his own skill, rather than relying entirely on them.

When he finally understood what the gloves true purpose ought to be he began to win more often and eventually they had earned him the title of Storm Knight; when he'd realized that his dependence on them had basically shaped his reputation he had almost thrown them away. The fear that someone else would make the same mistakes he did (or worse - that someone would use them to harm others) had made him keep them, and steadily he relied on them less and less over the years until he'd mothballed them five years before he retired. The Rogue Knight had been threat enough that Django had felt the need to take the gloves out of storage and thankfully with them - and with his reputation - that had been enough to scare the knight off.

The problem with this Ghost Knight was Django knew reputation alone wouldn't drive her away. She had fallen into the same pitfalls he had: thinking that Old World technology made her invincible, or at the very least better than everyone else. Rather than learning and improving she had stagnated...and he'd watched it happen.

"You could have been one of the best..." he sighed, closing the box and tucking it under an arm.

She really could have been...maybe he should have fought her harder on her reliance on that suit. Maybe she would have listened if he'd fully explained his own mistakes with the gloves. Maybe he could have trained with her to show her there was a more honorable way of living. But then again, maybe there wasn't some magical combination of words that would have swayed her to his side and stopped her from getting mad and literally stabbing him in the back.

As he headed to the front door he reached his free hand around to rub at a spot on his lower back. That old scar ached and itched when it was cold or wet outside but it was an old wound he'd learned to ignore; tonight it was a dull throbbing pain - probably exacerbated by the sweeping, or so he told himself before pausing to really examine that thought.

There used to be an old wives tale about how an injury caused by a mortal enemy would burn and ache when that enemy was nearby. The Ghost Knight had been his companion once...he didn't think for a moment that they could be friends again but he could spare a bit of hope that the old tale was true and that he would know exactly when he was needed if it was truly her in the region.

#Lost in Time #lit #Lost in Time - ch 14 #Dr. Xu #Django #My Time at Portia

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bopinion · 4 years

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2020 / 48

Aperçu of the week:

"If you ever feel that everything suddenly makes sense, you have most likely fallen for a conspiracy theory." (Marc-Uwe Kling)

Bad news of the week:

The day before yesterday was World Childrens Day. Actually every day should be Childrens Day. They are the most important thing in the world for every single parent, they are the future for everyone and everybody. Or they should be. In many societies they, especially the girls, are not given the necessary opportunities for their development. In every crisis - whether war or pandemic - they are the first losers.

It is good that at least children in Germany are doing well. Is it going well? We also have child poverty, neglect and abuse. And frighteningly enough, there are many who don't mind violence in education, for whom corporal punishment is simply part of the equation.

Security and basic trust are crucial for the well-being of children. They must be able to rely on their parents - always and 100%. When physical or psychological violence comes from them, of all people, this cannot remain without consequences for their development. Science knows this, but apparently not the general population.

According to a study published last Thursday by Unicef and the University Clinic of Ulm, almost half of the German population says that they use violence in raising children (yes, even the famous "pat on the bottom" is violent) or at least consider it appropriate. Children's rights are (still) not fixed in our constitution. Obviously they are not important enough. That's a bad thing.

Good news of the week:

The Nuremberg Trials against leading German Nazis began 75 years ago. The four victorious powers wanted to (jointly!) deal with the Second World War from a legal point of view, and the decisive hour for the term "war crimes" had come. For the last time, death sentences were passed on German soil and the death penalty was applied - in the prison gymnasium.

Of course, it was good to measure the perpetrators - who after all had acted lawfully during the Third Reich - against more civilized and also more moral standards. And not to ascribe responsibility to an anonymous system, but to the individual acting in each case. To this day, former concentration camp guards, for example, have to answer to the courts - even if the deeds are eternal and the individuals are well into their nineties. I never understood the principle of limitation period ethically anyway.

But in Nuremberg the basis for something much more far-reaching was created. For the first time in history, coming to terms with a war was not (only) about winners and losers, not about reparations and national borders, not about compensation and guilt. It was about the legal handling of warlike actions. The core statement could be: War of aggression is illegal! In the absence of an internationally valid legal system, until then every sovereign country theoretically had the right to go to war. For war, as an act of a state, was quasi above the law.

This results on the one hand in the fact that the German military today is a so-called parliamentary army. Thus, neither the officers nor the executive, i.e. the minister of defense or the head of government, have the power of decision. But the elected representatives of the people. For this reason, the Bundeswehr always acts abroad only on a basis of international law, for example within the framework of blue helmet missions in accordance with a resolution of the United Nations.

On the other hand, and far more importantly, the basis for the International Criminal Court was laid at that time. The Hague would be unthinkable without Nuremberg. And war criminals cannot feel safe in asylum either ever since. That's a good thing.

Sense of achievement of the week:

Poverty also exists in the EU. Especially in Romania outside the metropolises. Former neighbors of ours have been involved in the region of Sighisoara with their family foundation for about 30 years. And take care that the children have a school and the old people something to wear. It's a matter of honor that I didn't want any money when I sacrificed a few hours last year to provide the foundation with some professional support.

Since then, I have been surprised a few times with yummy delicacies fresh from the market - as a culinary reward, so to speak, that one hardly treats oneself to. In times of social distance, that can look like this: in the morning, a bag from the fish and seafood vendor hangs on the front door (a refrigerator in the shade at the end of November). This fills the stomach and warms the heart. Thank you!

P.S.: Just for the sake of completeness: Corona, Trump and climate change still suck. But I don't have to mention that every week... ;-)

#aperçu #thoughts #bad news #good news #nurenberg #third reich #the hague #international criminal court #war crimes #death sentence #military #world children's day #unicef #children #romania

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light-of-valentia · 5 years

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matchup trade with edelgoth

@edelgoth here are your matchups boo!! I have never done a written matchup before, though I have done them quite a lot in my head, so I hope these are good!!! -admin belle

I did two romantic matchups, one romantic/platonic, and I left a list of potential platonic matchups to follow!

matchup under the cut because I use a lot of words and I don’t wanna eat up dashboards

#1- Mercedes

At first I was sort of questioning on if this would be ideal, but with the more I have thought about this, the more passionate I am about this pairing

You said you wanted someone who is open-minded and genuinely caring who wants to see the world become a better place, and I would struggle to think of anyone better to do this with than Mercie!

Though I did consider Claude for this as well, I ended up choosing Mercedes for #1 because I think that she would be better at consistently giving you the validation and affection that you desire

Not that Claude would not be affectionate as well, but I think that the stronger caring aura that she has would sit better with you

Both of you are open-minded and thoughtful, and you would be able to give e/o the same level of care and attention that you give out to other people

That's positive karma baby!!! you both deserve a lot for what you do for other people, and your philanthropic personalities would be a strong force together

I feel like in a relationship, both you and Mercedes would need someone who is willing and most importantly wants to give back the same level of appreciation and effort that you/she puts in, and you both would far surpass this standard for each other

I also really like here that you each take a different approach to what you do

Mercedes deals more in the emotional side of taking care of people, whereas you take the more insightful and analytical route

This sort of “similar yet different” style of partnership works really well since you have enough in common to form a partnership, but your differing skills would compensate for what the other lacks in

You each care in different ways, but it's clear that both you and Mercie share a common goal of making the world a better place and helping people out

You would be such a sweet, caring, and cheerful couple, and even without doing any sort of philanthropic work, just your presence would be enough to potentially change people’s lives for the better

Your wit and intellect would provide a healthy contrast to Mercedes' constant benevolence and optimism, and she would be able to help you ground yourself when you are catastrophizing and anxious

To compliment that, you would be able to help her set her fear of disappointing others aside and make hard choices when she needs to

Mercedes isn't necessarily as scholarly as Annette and Linhardt (though she did enjoy her time at the Royal Academy of Magic), but she still values her education, and she would enjoy listening to you talk about the things you are interested in and she would enjoy learning from you

Both of you are very patient, and it would provide a relaxing and calm atmosphere

Though, a problem could be presented if you are both too patient- neither of you alone likes to make difficult decisions and risk hurting or disappointing others, but i think that this would be easier to do if you worked together

Magic and fantastical stories!! i could really see you both taking evening dates and telling each other stories, and she would highly appreciate your creativity and encourage your passion for what you do

If you like writing paranormal and ghost stories, she’d love it even more!! She loves spooky stories and an air of fantastical mystery

Career-wise, your interests in anthropology and sociolinguistics combined with her desire to serve and help people would make a dynamic duo

Your understanding of human history and nature would provide a wealth of foundation for her to understand where people come to her from, emotionally and culturally, and the outcome of your combined careers would be stellar!

If you guys got together, I would struggle seeing an outcome where you kept your careers separate- the chemistry you have together concerning your desires for life and the word around you are too magnetic too keep apart

Mercedes would be very welcoming and accepting of your sensitivity and anxiety; she always knows what to say if you're down, and she wouldn't have to tread carefully to avoid offending or hurting you

Awareness of people's sensitivities and how to build healthy relationships without prying at them is second nature to her

Reading people and responding to them to meet them where they are is maybe one of her favorite things to do in life, and doing this with you would bring her a good sense of worth in life

Mercedes has a few opinions of her own, but she is generally soft-spoken and passive, and would be a great listener for when you talk about your opinions

She is very open-minded, and i’d argue that she doesn’t have a single judgemental bone in her body (well, except maybe against uptight nobles cough cough LORENZ)

I wouldn’t call her an agent of chaos, but I think that Mercedes really can appreciate the craziness of life the way that you do, and that she would be great at laughing the silly little things off with you

She has a wonderful knack for appreciating and accepting the world as it is, and I think that this would bring you a lot of peace when you start to over-complicate things mentally, as she would be able to ground you

She would ADORE your curiosity and interest in learning everything that you can, and she would aspire to be this way herself

She spent so much of her life simply trying to survive, especially after fleeing the empire and regretting leaving Emile behind, and having someone around her who is trying to thrive would be invigorating for her

MBTI-wise, this would be a “golden pair”, as IXFJ and XNTP are often listed as being such, especially IXFJ and ENTP, which if I had to type you by your description to me, I’d put you as ENTP over INTP, with an Fi/Fe subtype

The creativity that comes with your Ne would be very well recieved by Mercedes’ Fe, as she would be the perfect listener for everything you have to say, and she would be super interested in it as well!

Though she does use Ti as her tool function, she would be constantly amazed by how you use it so fluently

Her Ti tertiary tool would be able to appreciate your dominant/auxiliary Ti, without encouraging it to the point where you overwhelm yourself

In conclusion, I see you and Mercedes both as a sweet and soft couple but also with the subtleties of a power couple, and I think you would enjoy a long and happy relationship with each other!

2. Claude

As previously mentioned, I still view Mercedes as a more ideal match for you, but I think that you and Claude would have good chemistry as well

He has a lot of that humanistic personality that Mercedes has, but his is far more subtle and jaded from his history

Mainly, this jaded aspect comes from how he was treated in his childhood, although he doesn’t discuss it with just anyone, as one of those effects from being bullied as a kid is him having some serious trust issues

Pre-timeskip Claude would be a struggle in a romantic relationship, as his Fe isn’t very well developed and based on your profile, I think a partner with developed Fe is something you need

Post-timeskip, however, this problem would be eliminated, as by then, his Fe has very clearly developed a lot more (though it is still flawed), as demonstrated with his love-hate relationship for humanity in his A support; he hates the way that people choose to be discriminatory and mean towards each other, but he also sees the possibility for redemption and he has a genuine desire to work harmony back into the world

Some of his interactions with characters such as Cyril and occasionally Hilda show that his Fe even post-timeskip isn’t quite fully developed, but he does value the function, thus displaying a necessary element for compatibility

xNTP-ENTP couples do work out really well, but obviously, some compromises have to be made

Mainly in regards to extraversion/making sure everyone gets to talk enough, and taking care of real-world responsibilities like housework and chores

Both of you are incredibly passionate about what you do, and this would sit well with the other

I struggle to imagine Claude in the long-run with anyone who doesn’t hold a sort of fire in their heart

Your intense curiosity and desire to learn would match his own really well, and I could see you guys doing long dates where you take the full day to sit down in the library and dissect some idea that you had

Your interest in anthropology and sociolinguistics might be one of the best parts of this match! His life goal is to create a more united world, and your wealth of knowledge about history and culture would make having you around an invaluable asset for him

Just like he does with Byleth in the game, he’ll probably pick you up at first for your usefulness, but then he’ll slowly start to actually trust you and he’ll find himself desiring a relationship with you

Both of you would be the king and queen of meme, and it’d be a wonderful sight to anyone around you

Your interactions when you’re memeing would be absolutely off the shits, and your absurdist senses of humor setting off sparks with each other would be legendary to behold

He would adore these interactions with you, and the memories he has of them would be a treasure he keeps close

He can’t stand super uptight people, and you’re fairly laid-back yourself, so this is perfect in this sense

You both have a good sense of when it’s the right time to be carefree and when it’s the right time to take note, though

Although this ratio may seem more skewed towards the laid-back aspect in the perception of people like Lorenz and Lysithea, for you two, it’d be perfect

Normally with an ExxP/ExxP couple, I worry a lot about communication, but I think you two would be better off than most in this aspect

The fact that you have an extraverted side but are also a good listener is the saving grace here

Claude is a listener as well, but more often than not, he has something running in the back of his mind, so while he would be a good listener, he may not be as attentive as you’d like

He would feel bad about this, but as hard as he tries to always listen to you, sometimes he can’t help but letting his mind float back to whatever scheme he’s been plotting

If you’re ok with this, though, the road will be less bumpy- he might even appreciate it if your own mind drifts when he’s talking to you, as he would feel less guilty that way

He would try his best to help you when you are catastrophizing, but it would be a mixed bag of skittles for him

On the positive, he overthinks a lot himself, so he fully understands how you got to where you are

On the negative, he isn’t a very emotional person himself, so he has seldom reached catastrophization himself, so he doesn’t really know the best ways to handle it

He eventually learns what works and what doesn’t, but at first, it’s gonna be the effort that counts

Both of you are giant nerds and this would work rather well

He would love roleplaying and playing games with you given the free time, and you’d always be recommending books to each other to read

As for your sensitivity, Claude may not be the best at handling that, but he certainly tries

He’s generally pretty good at reading people, but with what upsets you, you may have to tell him a bit more directly for him to really understand so that he can avoid it

Claude would, though, be a boo in that he’d make you feel like the queen of the whole damned world

Insecurity??? Nah, you’re too cute/smart/amazing for that

He just loves to shower you in teases and he’d tell you every day that he loves you

If you want a flirt and a himbo, congrats you’ve found one

One other thing that makes me less confident about this pairing than the former is that Claude is a bit more free-spirited than you

He would do his best to anchor himself to you, but it’d be difficult to satisfy his wanderlust if you dislike travel- he doesn’t want to leave you, and he hates making you feel bad

To conclude, I think this has a lot of powerful potential, but it also has a few potential holes that make it somewhat less ideal

He needs someone that can teach him to value his own emotions and not just look at what everyone else wants, and I don’t know if you’d be able to reach him on that

3. Dorothea

Both of you have a lot of opinions, but you’re both careful about sharing them

I could see her as your kickass partner in crime

I am less passionate about this pairing than I am with your matches with Mercie and Claude, but I still think this has a lot of potential as well

Yyou would be able to teach the other how to appreciate the other!!

Lots of "you're pretty/no you" style interactions

Idk how else to explain this but your vibes synergize well???? Like both of you are very humanistic, but you're a bit more open and direct in your approach with it than she is

Both of you are highly creative but in different ways and this would work well

I think she would be like a muse figure for you and vice versa!

Both of you are into classical arts, which is grounds for a lot of fun dates and fun times

I can envision a lot of museum and opera dates

and painting dates

Y'all would just have so much fun being creative together

You both have a preppy side, but you'd be the nerd of the two, and she would poke playful fun at you whilst harboring an interest in everything you have to say

Both of you are very thoughtful and you'd find satisfaction in having someone who reciprocates the amount of effort you put into the relationship

Both of you have an enjoyment of fashion, and i could see you both having a fun time picking each other's outfits out and doing the other's hair and makeup

She would really like to flirt with you to try and get a reaction out of you

She would HIGHLY appreciate that you try hard to be an open-minded and understanding person

She wishes she had more of those in her life before she met you

Y'all would be such meme queens like...everyone else would label you guys as goals in terms of keeping a healthy air of humor around you

She is just so doting and passionate with you and she would try so hard every day to melt away your insecurities and worries

As a couple you guys have SO much chemistry; like once you guys sit down for tea and start talking, you find yourselves talking for hours, and Dorothea would fall more in love with your intellect and wealth of knowledge each day

The reason I still put this as lower than Claude and Mercedes is because I feel like it might be more one-sided, with Dorothea more attracted to you than you might be to her

I feel like she would be able to help you with your anxiety in a different way than Mercedes

Like she has gone through a lot of similar stuff with her past in its relationship to her self-esteem, and you'd both have a lot to learn from e/o here

This would work either romantically or platonically

For friendships, I’d consider: Ashe, Annette, Hilda, Ignatz, Marianne, and Bernadetta!

Feel free ofc to respond to me with any thoughts/questions you have on this, and I hope you liked it!! Sorry to keep you waiting for so long- I wanted to ensure quality on this

#matchups #matchup #fire emblem matchups #fe3h matchups #fe16 matchups #matchup trade #fe3h mercedes #mercedes von martritz #mercedes matchup #fe3h claude #claude von riegan #claude matchup #fe3h dorothea #dorothea arnault #dorothea matchup

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storiesofwildfire · 5 years

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So, for those of you who have been around for a long time, you might remember that my backstory for Loki ( which is mostly based on Norse mythology and my own personal headcanons ) used to include Sigyn being Loki’s wife and how Loki lost her and their unborn children relatively shortly after marrying her.

I covered this topic for a few reasons, one being that Sigyn is a significant part of Loki’s life in the mythology and I didn’t want to gloss over her, another being that for a long time when I first started roleplaying Loki, I had a lot of Sigyn blogs follow me and try to back me into a corner when it came to shipping. I had a lot of people treat it as “well, the ship is canon, so you have to ship with me” and for a long time, I wasn’t really sure how to say no to those people.

In the last few months, I decided to remove Sigyn from Loki’s backstory. Well, for the most part. I removed her being married to Loki and I removed them trying to have children together. I also removed the part about her death as the reason they ultimately ended up no longer together.

I have spoken a few times since then about my particular and personal hangups with Sigyn and Loki’s relationship, but I’ve never really elaborated too much on why I made these changes in the first place.

My current biography describes a brief meeting with Sigyn that ultimately doesn’t turn into anything and was more or less instigated by Odin rather than Loki’s actual interest in Sigyn. I did this for a couple of reasons. One, to actually acknowledge that Sigyn does exist and not completely write her off. Two, to pay tribute to mythology’s canon that when Sigyn and Loki first met, Sigyn actually did not like Loki. Sigyn didn’t like Loki until Loki pretended to be someone else, so their relationship, at least in my opinion, is not exactly built on the foundation of trust, love, and common interest.

Now, before I go super deep into this, I do want to state that I am perfectly well aware that there are many different interpretations of the mythology. While I do not believe one is more “correct” than the others, I do try to stay as close to the original myths as I believe I can when deciding which interpretations to go with ( more or less, I just try to stay away from the myth retellings that were clearly heavily influenced at a later date and time by Christianity ). If you decide to go with interpretations that are different from my own, that’s perfectly fine and I respect that! Just please respect that these are my views and choices in turn.

Now... To speak bluntly, I really don’t like the idea of Loki and Sigyn. In the mythology, Sigyn isn’t really elaborated on all that much. Her entire purpose resides heavily on being Loki’s wife and being part of Loki’s life and I’m not exactly interested in a being that exists for the sake of another being. I believe there is a lot of room to work with when it comes to Sigyn, honestly, and there are so many cool ways to flesh her out that I would be interested in, but because of my own personal experiences, it��s hard for me to get behind this ship.

People either highly romanticize Sigyn and Loki’s relationship as being #relationshipgoals or they use Sigyn as a way to demonize Loki by making them an abusive partner/cheater. I don’t personally think there’s a ground for either of those arguments without putting a lot of work and plotting into the relationship itself.

In the mythology canon that I chose to adhere to, Sigyn didn’t like Loki when they first met. She didn’t like Loki until Loki pretended to be another person. Loki’s interest in Sigyn was not because they wanted her, it was because of Odin. More of an arranged marriage sort of deal than because either party was genuinely interested. Mythology canon also can’t seem to agree on if Loki and Sigyn had one child or two, as their children are sometimes interchanged as the same person, sometimes insinuated to be twins, and sometimes Vali is actually described as being Loki’s child with an unknown woman. I have even seen some debate on if Loki’s child(ren) with Sigyn is even actually Loki’s, or if they only claimed such to keep up the appearance of a decent marriage. From what I’ve read and studied, I see no real basis for the idea that they are wholeheartedly and undoubtedly in love and I see their relationship more like one of convenience, appearances, and duty more than anything else.

It also kind of roots back to another way Odin kept control over Loki ( you know, after forcing Loki to become his blood brother... )

Ultimately, I changed my backstory because I wrote Loki meeting Sigyn, falling in love with her in a particularly difficult time in their lives, and choosing to be with her willingly, but the truth of the matter is, I think I was far too out of left field with how I portrayed them to be any sort of myth compliant.

So I decided to keep their meeting, the fact that Sigyn did not really like Loki upon meeting, and the reason behind them meeting in the first place was Odin’s influence, in hopes of binding Loki to someone in a forced marriage would keep Loki under control. As Odin worked Loki’s entire life to keep Loki on a short leash and under his thumb, this made perfectly logical sense to me in mythology and in Marvel.

I did not want to emphasize how important Loki’s relationship with Sigyn is because, honestly, in my opinion, it’s not overly important. It’s more of a multifaceted tool than a genuine relationship.

Please don’t get me wrong, I do think there are a lot of ways to make Sigyn an interesting character. I also think there are a lot of ways to make Sigyn genuinely appealing to Loki. The problem with their portrayal in the myths is that they don’t really expand on Sigyn much outside of Loki. For Loki to hold any sort of interest in her, she’d need to be strong, independent, and have a life outside of them and their relationship. I also don’t want to pretend like they got together because they fell in love when that simply? Isn’t really the case, at least not in the interpretations I follow.

So, because I don’t really ship Sigyn and Loki and because I wasn’t interpreting their marriage correctly, I decided to take Loki’s history with her out and pay a bit of tribute to them meeting and not really liking one another without forcing them into a marriage. By Asgardian norms, Loki’s still rather young, and even if Odin tried to force them into an arranged marriage, the likelihood of that sticking just? Isn’t super high given everything else that’s going on in Loki’s life.

I felt like that left some room open to discuss plotting with Sigyn rpers in the future without automatically adhering to the two most popular tropes I see in the fandom which are “Loki and Sigyn are such a perfect couple who are so madly in love” and “Loki is an abusive partner to Sigyn and she’s too good for him.” Neither of which I think are actually close to canon.

I’m definitely willing to plot with Sigyn rpers and even children of Sigyn, but I am not willing to automatically say that Sigyn and Loki are married and have children together. Something like that would take a lot of plotting and ooc communication and build up. I’m not super fond of the ship, but with the right Sigyn, I could see it happening, but only with the proper development.

Anyway, I just wanted to touch on why I decided to change Loki’s backstory from being happily married to and losing Sigyn to hardly even knowing her in a bit more detail.

At the end of the day, I felt like this decision was more accurate to myth canon and it fit the best into Loki’s life as a mixture of mythology and Marvel.

#c; sigyn #( storiesofwildfire headcanon ) chaos is about that which is possible #index; blog #filed under; blog updates #index; loki #filed under; affiliates #filed under; headcanons #index; mythos #filed under; deities #filed under; norse

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the-nysh · 5 years

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I find myself unable to think of Bakugou in any way more positive than "dislike", because he reminds me too much of the people who made my life miserable when I was growing up. (Not that it makes him bad; it's just my emotions.) Do you've any advice on how to bend my mind around that? I don't need to LOVE him, just mentally separate "him" and "the people who make grade school suck for me" so I won't irrationally hate him, because I don't LIKE hating characters.

Hi there! I’m glad to see you come forward, especially tosomeone who’s a big fan of him, after happening to see how far you’veventured through my tags already (whoa dedication!) to seek possible answers or further clarity about this,especially if it’s something that’s still bothering you, oraffecting/preventing you from fully enjoying the series. Because of that, I cantell how serious and genuine you feel about this, so I will take this seriouslyas well.

(Below, 1800+ words)

Another thing is that it’s okay to feel this way, your personal experiences are still valid,and there’s no obligation to force your feelings otherwise, or subject yourselfto content that may be uncomfortable for you. Please continue to take all theprecautions needed (blocking/blacklisting) for an enjoyable and productivefandom experience. But understanding that even if the characters may havecoincidental similarities to our pasts, they are not direct projections of us, the people in our lives, or our realities.Their world is not ours. So this awareness is another good step to have, tobegin seeing the story (and characters) more openly, objectively and closer tohow Hori originally intended.

Since you’re willing to learn more, and as you may have already seenfrom my content here, Bakugou (Kacchan)became my definitive fav character of the series, but not for thoselingering resentments mentioned. The compelling character I see is so much morebeyond that first ch’s established baseline, which was narratively placed and designedto contrast against who he becomes later on. As a means to gauge and appreciatehis growth and the journey of how far he’s changed into becoming a proper,well-rounded, better person and inspirationalhero. The kind of emotional narrativefocus that always gains my interest and priority to see develop. Already, theperson he is now at 215+ chs is not the same as who he was at ch1 (neither ishe the flanderized, fanon stereotype many have been misled or indoctrinated tofirmly believe he is), and he will keepon developing as the story marches on. I am fully on board to witness thathappen.

The challenge now, is not letting his initial baseline impression(or the feelings from your own separate –but equally valid– experiences, oreven the vitriol from others) stain or cloud that entire slow-burn progressionof the story going forward. Otherwise the important milestones and insightsinto his character that Hori leaves along the way (which can sometimes bedifficult to see from Deku’s limited pov) end up getting obscured, ignored, oroutright rejected from an internalized feeling of ‘hatred’ that tends to blockout anything newly introduced that would challenge that preconceived perceptionof him. However, to mentally reject such change and prevent the valuedimprovement of a growing person (a learning child in his formative years, forinstance), to otherwise keep the status quo static and unmoving, to permanentlystay rooted exactly the same way as thestart…would in fact be a much more toxic/harmful mindset to have, and actuallydefeats the purpose of telling a proper story as well.

Setbacks to that challenge unfortunately include thewidespread availability of biased mistranslations (even from official sources),poor/oversimplified characterizations from non-canon content(movies/novels/merch, etc) that’s not written directly by Hori, because all thesethings just reinforce and exacerbate the problem of inflating fanon stereotypesand those preconceived notions that people have already solidified in theirminds as true (when they often aren’t). It gets even worse, and ironicallyhypocritical, when those same people start feeling justified they can go out oftheir way to attack others (includingthe author) for how to ‘properly’ enjoy and interpret the series (for beingdifferent or ‘incorrect’ from the perceptions they believe to be right). Butwhat’s happened is they’ve begun to blindly act on feelings multiple levels sofar removed from what actually is (whatexists as presented within canon, vs what they believe in fanon, vs what exists separately that may beplaguing these people’s real lives), that by then, that kind of maladjustedsocial behavior is inexcusable. Stepping back and realizing when things start crossinglines irrationally out of hand, to prevent that kind of behavior from happeningin the first place, (and again, by taking measures to block/blacklist stuff thataggravates or makes you feel uncomfortable), is the much wiser approach toparticipating and enjoying fandom. So that no matter what happens or what otherssay, they can’t impact or ruin what you love about the series.

Which in my case, includes Kacchan’s character. Basedon what Hori has consistently presented in canon, I can conclude and freely admithe’s the only character I can fully trust. Amazing, right? Because he hasabsolutely nothing to hide. Everything he does (not through his harshwords/temperament, but through his genuine actions),is extremely forthright and honest. He does not half-ass things or hide anyother ulterior motives or malicious intent beyond his dedication to become the best hero. And he takes that goal very seriously. Striving for and expectingexcellence from himself (and all themental pressure that self-imposed perfectionism brings) and others. Currently in the manga that includes Deku now too, whomhe willingly goads (showing support in his own way) and checks in on for hisprogress too.

Remember his fights in the sports tournament, how he takesall challengers with equal commitment/opportunity (gender does not matter),provided they give him their best inturn as well, because to do otherwise –to go easy on them or hold back– wouldbe disrespectful and underestimating an opponent. There’s a very just and admirablehonor in that. Remember how he can’tstand anyone looking down on him, which includes how he misinterpreted Deku’sfeelings of admiration for disdain(he could not accurately read Deku’s intentions, and became so perplexed by himthat he assumed the worst: that Deku looked down on him instead). Considering the level of seriousness and effort he alwaysputs forth, to be confronted with the opposite would be personally insulting.

Remember when the villains invited him to join their ranks(because they misread and shallowly judged his character), he stuck to his idealsand outright refused their offer.(Boldly exploding villains in the face~) Risking death over playing it safe andlying to pretend to follow along totheir whims. (How brave and badass is that?!) Kacchan does not lie, cheat theeasy way out, or do things he’s not feeling or doesn’t agree with. Again, honesty. Becoming a villain, a traitor,or betraying those who’ve earned his trust? Absolutely no chance. Afterlearning AM’s secret and finally understanding/rectifying everything that didn’tadd up about Deku, would he go behind their backs by breaking promises? No way.Again, most trustworthy character.

Rereading the story a second time over, but from his perspective, practically doubled myappreciation and enjoyment of the series. Thinking about how the foundations oftheir society impacted his world views at such a young age, to the very betrayal he must have felt thinking achildhood friend lied to him aboutsomething as important/vital as a quirk. (And if we already know how he feelsabout cheating liars…hmm, faithful loyaltynow feels like a valued trait.) Other factors include his relatable giftedchild syndrome, all the complexes born from that, and for how extremely intelligent,competent, and much more calmly calculating he is than his short temper may lead one to believe. How he was oncea ‘big fish in a small pond’, now thrust into the ocean to compete among evenother bigger fish, with the pressure to both succeed and prove himself…all whilehis previous world views are checked and challenged every step of the way.

For years he’d been valued and praised for only the promisingpotential and primary trait of his strong quirk. (The reinforcement for his badbehavior on the other hand? Not valued with the same proper attention.) Alreadythat’s an unfortunate consequence of their quirk-filled, hero-commodified society. Think of justhow shallow/fake groupies would be, or how annoying and hollow it would feel tohave people cling to him just for that (for talent and skills over his meritsas a person), and just how difficult forming genuine, natural bonds would be… (Becomingself-reliant now becomes another added pressure he has to juggle on his own.) Beforequirks had ever entered the picture and complicated things further, Deku was probablyconsidered the closest friend he had. Until…misunderstandings happened, andthen the only thing he wanted was for Deku to stay away from him. (A misconception is that Kacchan actively soughtDeku out, when it’s actually the opposite: Kacchan only reacted if Dekuencroached on him too closely.) Because he feared how Deku made him feel,forcing him to face his own shortcomings, and address perceptions of reality hedid not want to face. Because for someone he perceived as the weakest, to boldly goagainst that and do what Deku did (help him out of concern/kindness, but thatintent only read as pitying to him),made him feel even below that. And what’slower than the low of the weakest/most useless? Pretty ouch, so stop followingand stay back. Yet Deku just kept on coming back no matter what, for reasons hecouldn’t yet understand. (Deku felt genuine care and admiration for him, whichKacchan hadn’t realized, so gah, dramatic irony.) His changing feelings, correctinghis attitude, and clarifying his relationship to Deku, who continually challengesand defies his very worldview and perception of weakness, brings a whole otherfascinating draw to the series, which would take a whole other essay to fully analyze(but which many other fans have thoroughly done so already).

Further considerations include his struggles facing other relatablefeelings. How he confronts the pain and weight of experiencing loss, survivor’sguilt, and assessing powerlessness and the inability to save situations beyondhis control. Internalizing self-doubt, hatred, failure, and inferiority…because‘if only he were stronger.’ What Isee is a child overburdened by expectations and responsibilities beyond hisyears…who has to learn to process and overcome many of those same feelings I’vealready gone through and had to come to terms with growing up. (The very reasonhe’s often and endearingly referred to as a ‘son.’) The majority of adults inhis life assumed he was already ‘strong enough’ and ‘fine’ on his own, theyneglected to give him proper mental guidance going forward (AM even admitsthis). And we unfortunately see the tragic consequences of that. But fortunately,things are getting better, and Hori’s story for him still isn’t over yet.

Overall, what I see is the chance for an excellent,multi-layered, and well-written character to become even better. And that’s why his narrative is so particularly engaging. Doeshe remind me of the kids that once made certain social aspects of grade schoolinsufferable? No, because that’s not who he is; he’s so far removed and beyond them, that they’ve become extras whono longer matter anymore. Instead of lingering on such negatives, it’s insteadthe positive aspects about him that shine through even stronger. The fact heisn’t perfect, but deeply flawed and learning to address his shortcomings in nowmore productive ways. This progression and growth makes him interesting, and combinedwith the many other traits I’ve mentioned above, favored and loved bymany. Although ultimately I can’t change your opinion about him (that’s stillup to you to decide, and it’s ok to still dislike characters), hopefully I’veintroduced new ways of perceiving and appreciating his character for you. Tohelp see some of the positives that Deku always valued in him as a drivingsource of inspiration too: to strive hard despite life’s setbacks, and win. ‘He may be a jerk, but he’s amazing.’

#pomrania #replies #bnha #kacchan #meta #manga spoilers #long post #speaking from the perspective of him as my fav #hopefully this sheds some new light #(and i think i covered everything i wanted to say)#this is also why i mentioned before that the message of mp100’s mogami arc is important #and what i mean when i say minori’s ‘imcomparable levels of cruelty’#because kacchan is definitely not that #but the ability to change; grow; and forgive even the worst of who people used to be #is multitudes more valuable; stronger; and daresay heroic #than regressing into a hateful vestige of a non-functioning human like mogami #that kind of message still rings true here #the fact deku still cares despite seeing the worst from him is testament to how genuine his feelings are for him too #so instead of focusing on the worst...here i explain those cherished positives too

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snkret-photography · 5 years

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Back to Me

Most people know that I follow an abridged variation of a Paleolithic/Ketogenic diet. It makes me feel the most optimal and reduces a lot of my inflammation and hormonal imbalances. Also I’ve never really been a big carb or grain persons so it was an easy transition mentally. This has just been what has worked for me to feel optimal. When I was younger, I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted and proceeded to exercise like I was getting paid for it. I don’t have that time or energy anymore so my current lifestyle is well supported by my diet. And while I have a general label for how I eat so other people can easily digest it, I don’t particularly care to label it. I try to keep things paleo but Quest Bars are my crack, literally candy bars. I get one life and even if I reincarnate, the experiences in that lifetime won’t solidify my satisfaction in this one. So I still eat what I want, when I want but instead of focusing on the immediate satisfaction that it gives me, I focus on the long term gratification I can derive while still making sure I don’t feel deprived. It works for me and that’s all I worry about.

Recently, I started a new job, I’ll probably talk about that more in depth at some point, but it’s a very youthful workforce and the company operates in the ad tech space. Which means everyone is aware of diets based on the loose depictions they can find on Instagram; legit, no shade. I’ve been on my food protocol for about 2 years and over the past year have cut down to eating once a day, which I just prefer to be freshly made at home right before bed. This translates to me surviving the work day on coffee and water alone. Which translates to everyone having an opinion on their lack of willpower communicated through copious questions and declarations I’d rather not entertain. Like I said, it’s a new job. But whenever I glaze over the details of how I choose to eat, people immediately start throwing out buzzwords as if I remembered the definition and not the word itself. This is usually followed up with some variation of:

“They say that is/is not good for you because some bullshit study somewhere in some bullshit magazine somewhere else.”

I follow an eating protocol that works for me, my goals, and my overall health from both an internal feeling perspective and careful attention to medical markers. Added fact that I love biology which means I actually look at the basis of science studies to look at their original reasoning for deriving a hypothesis, the control of the study, who backed it, and the subsequent reporting along with the counter arguments. I.e. I look at the big picture and not just what “they say” as a basis for how I live my life and make decisions. How I eat works for me but it may not work for everyone else. I do a lot of people’s diet plans and I almost always start out with a list of carbs to intake. Just because I limit the type and amount of carbs I eat, doesn’t mean that everyone else would benefit from such. I may be an accountant but I am not a copy/paste formula. And “they” don’t know everything. Just because some people have made buckets of what Is and is not healthy does not mean that it is 100% accurate. They haven’t studied you and your bodies reaction to the blanket list that they’ve decided to impart on the public. And the public, being the public, has a low tolerance for research and assuming their own opinions; we all love when some stranger says something on the internet super convincingly and have broken it down in a manner in which we can regurgitate without much reference for what is actually said.

This isn’t a conversation about diets. And I’m no better for the flaw in which I��m pointing out. We all go to pseudo-authorities to help make formalized decisions for us on both short-term and long-term decisions. From what to eat, to figuring out our careers, choosing partners, relaxation methods, methods for creating happiness in our lives, and so much more. Consultation is one of the most common things we all do and we always tend to consult, directly or in-directly, those in which we believe have a stronger foundation in the topic than we do. You want career advice, you consult someone who has a career length or position in which you desire to. You want fitness or dieting advice, you consult the trainer or dietitian. More commonly you follow the person who competes on Instagram or ask your friend who’s always been skinny/buff, depending on your goals. You want to know how to navigate your relationship, you ask people who have relationships in which you aspire to. At least, in theory this is the manner in which people go about things. Everyone consults based on their immediate circle and the manners in which they trust other to help them navigate their problems. I don’t believe in monogamy, yet all of my friends in relationships consult me on how to secure their relationships and improve the quality of because they’re aware I'm going to advise them based on the value of our friendship and not my personal views on the matter. I know trainers that constantly tell their clients that to achieve their results, it require discipline and consistency yet their clients chief question, paraphrasing, is what they can buy to achieve that. So they in turn sell them accountability until the person can gain that for themselves and routines that are built around the person’s goals. At my gym there is a trainer who I’ve seen float the exact same workout to both men and women trying to achieve completely different goals, only changing the duration, intensity and repetition of the workout. That is so not how it works but that is how a lot of people work. “This worked for me or I have found x so it should work for you and anyone else who asks.”

This theme of listening to the “they” hit a real head recently. I greatly enjoy the role of devil’s advocate. No particular reason, it brings me joy and that’s all that matters. So going with the current is rather easy but personally, infuriating. I would go online to browse random sub-reddits and a bunch of jack-offs behind their keyboard were operating on a full level of knowledge, confidence and rudeness you could tell was in-organic. I would entertain a public discord on some newsworthy topic and was subsequently met with opinions that nobody could concretely defend. And all that diet shit I mentioned earlier. So when it was time to decide my next project, I didn’t even want to do one. I looked back on my recent projects and then broadened that to my entire works over the past year from the creation of this website to side projects I had picked up and was entirely confused. I had no idea what I didn’t like about everything as a package nor that impressed by individual projects. Even my posts were bugging me. So far from the course in which I originally set. And somewhere in reflecting on why people found it so appropriate to consult me on my own practices from an outside party in which neither of us ever regarded personally, something clicked. It’s been a very inauthentic experience. Sure I have some projects here that I absolutely adore. Yes, I have gotten to do something I love, work with people in the manner I desire, and develop my skills in a manner I never really thought I could before. Of course this has been a cathartic outlet with great growth and has had a visibly positive impact both in my and other’s lives. It has also just made me grow closer with a lot of people by opening up the realm of conversation. It’s dope. But something still wasn’t clicking. My writing was getting weaker and almost always derived from an emotional perspective. I kept trying to change my website and Instagram layout but could never figure out how to keep it in the manner I developed it. Photo-shoots had more to do with getting content out or making a quick buck on the side rather than developing an idea and creating a story from it.

I had developed a business and parts of my life on the advice and consultation of people who have no actual basis of authority. And doing things strictly to impress others or at the console of something others have an opinion on yet no tangible marker of authority is dissatisfying to say the least. I don’t like social media almost strictly based on not giving a fuck about the facade that people put on to have these amazing lives they don’t nor entertain the countless opinions of people who can’t keep that same energy. I originally designed my website in the taste of my ex-boyfriend who had never designed anything for public consumption or really taken any action on anything. Adjusting concepts and final visions on the advice of a person who just on-looks but doesn’t operate. Then I look at the approach I developed in writing to be more open in my communication about my emotions and life at the advice of all my friends who like to act like they have none, self explanatory why I should have not listened. Broaden the pattern, I had an abysmal living arrangement on the advice of people who suggested the money saved would be best long-term. In short, a bunch of opinions from people who have nothing to lose in the outcome. And it all just settled. I couldn’t take much pride in things when the outcome was based more on the advice of non-active participants than myself. Which was my own fault. I can consult the world but I don’t have to take the world’s advice. It was something I’ve always known and implemented in my life yet neglected in my business. Putting off projects because my consultants didn’t particularly like the idea or get it. Wondering if I needed to go back to the drawing board or if I wasn’t communicating it properly. But it’s not their project. They’re not putting their name on it and quite frankly, if they don’t like it then that is a miss for them. But if I put out a project I’m not invested in, then that is a lost for me that I will always have my name attached to.

So now, on the anniversary of my dive back into photography and writing, I’m going back to the original ideas. I will do things that I want to move in the direction I want. I will consult authorities and opinions alike but will make note of the differences and be sure I’m still just as invested at every step. There is no worse feeling than to have to live according to someone else’s version of happiness, success, and achievement. The manner in which other people live and operate are mere matters of comparison to derive what parts we identify with and which parts we don’t, constructing the best possible experience for ourselves. And I want to bring people the best that I have. I love what I’ve put out over this past year because no matter how good or bad something may be technically, personally, anecdotally, I have a record in which to document my growth. But what is the point of a goal if it is not consistently refined as you achieve it? So when I set out on the first year, I had a lot of goals with a lot of people who are no longer here. Now I have some goals for myself and at the forefront of them, and in the words of Megan Thee Stallion: What The Fuck I Want, When The Fuck I Want!

*And I’m still at the mall with your motherfuckin’ daddy, eh

#Blog #Work #Diet #Advice #Projects #Social Media #Content #Growth #Development #Goals #Relationship

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feebtastic · 6 years

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AN AUDIOVISUAL ANALYSIS OF REY & KYLO’S FORCE BOND SCENES

The Last Jedi is full of shocking or emotional moments, but for me, seeing Kylo/Ben’s bare fingers emerge from the edge of the screen in the hand touching scene has to be in the top 3 most memorable sequences. This is such an immensely affecting moment, as his hand tentatively and shakily closes the gap to reach Rey’s outstretched one. All physical acting and pure visual language. I love how poetic, intimate and sensual this scene is, which is why I want to examine it more closely.

This essay will analyze the distinctive cinematic language used in Rey and Kylo’s Force bond scenes, and how reversing/subverting some of these rules creates high emotional impacts in the hand touching scene. I’ll start with the auditory and visual codes established in the first 3 sessions (remember three makes a pattern). Then, I will analyze how the hand touching scene is constructed specifically to subvert these codes.

Outline:

The first 3 Force bond scenes

The auditory code

The visual code

The 4th Force bond scenes: Breaking the codes

Reaching out across millions of lightyears: The hand touching sequence

(This turns from a little observation to a very, very long post. The longest I’ve made on this site so far. I hope everything makes sense and the analysis is interesting. More under the cut.)

I. The first 3 Force bond scenes

Let’s start by revisiting the plot progression and character development in the first few Force connections:

(1) Rey wakes up in her hut on Ahch-to while Kylo is in his own quarter. The Force connects the two and both panics. Rey tries to shoot Kylo, who tries to manipulate Rey via mind trick (tactics they always resorted to in TFA). Neither succeeds. Luke interrupts and the session ends.

Progress 1: Force bond technicalities: no harm/manipulation can be done, the connection is exclusive to only Rey and Kylo, and the outer world is mostly blocked out during the connection (see the fish nuns in the courtyard not seen during or bear witness to the Force bond interactions).

(2) Rey is enjoying the rain while Kylo is brooding on the Supremacy.

Progress 2: Insults and shouting are not leading anywhere. Kylo, resigned, partially drops his mask, opens up about his past and how he views himself. Rey’s perception of Kylo starts to shift. Some physical objects can travel via the bond, such as water.

(3) Rey is deep in thoughts, while Kylo is shirtless.

Progress 3: Most open conversation thus far. Still contentious though Kylo finally reveals part of the reason why he turned to the dark side (through the Jedi temple incident). Rey is shaken to confront her own history.

As we see above, plot wise, within these first 3 scenes, Rian has laid out the basic mechanics of the Force bond, as highlighted above. But more importantly, it acts as a device for Rian to push Kylo and Rey together to talk, without killing each other or tying the other up. The Force bond is simply there in TLJ to progress Rey and Kylo’s relationship from enemies to allies then something more.

*@reylohues gifs

Not only that, Rian needs the audience to be a part of this transformation. He needs us to:

buy into the construct of the Force connections

become emotionally invested in the improvement in Rey & Kylo’s relationship

do a bunch of other subconscious signalling that presents this dynamic in particular ways (sexual/romantic undertones, a sense of symmetry, balance –> desirable outcome for the characters and galaxy)

To make this happen, Rian has chosen to create a very specific cinematic language associated with these Force connections. What crucial is not only what Rian does but what he chooses not to do in these scenes.

II. THE AUDITORY CODE

One of my favorite aspects of TLJ is its soundtrack (all sounds plus score), which I think is amazingly and innovatively mixed and edited in the movie. The most significant element in the soundtrack is in fact the use of silence. (We all remember the beat of silence in Holdo’s hero moment and how awe-inspiring it is.) Rey and Kylo’s Force bond scenes are not entirely silent, but marked by a noticeable sparseness in the sound mix.

Here are 3 auditory rules:

Rule 1: Background noises (rain, thunder, porgs cooing, waves crashing, etc.) are clearly “sucked out” as the connection starts and bleed in again when it ends.

The auditory cues (at least for the start of each session) are specific and repeated 3 times (reinforcing a pattern). The music or ambient sounds swell before dropping to near silence each time the Force bond starts.

Rule 2: Noises that are kept during the sessions are highly selective and thus significant.

Rey and Kylo’s voices, the focal points of these scenes, their breaths and footsteps are amplified with a slight echo. You sometimes hear the ‘echoes’ before their voices are actually heard.

Only certain objects in immediate contact with either character can be heard: the droid in the hallway, Luke’s door opening, the blaster firing off. (These are interruptions made more distinct because of the absence of other background noises.)

Rule 3: The points of audition (where their voices originate) shifts (from on screen to off screen and vice versa) as the frame shifts between Rey & Kylo’s world, denoting their relative position/distance to one another.

All of these elements contribute to an eery and uncanny feeling, creating an auditory space that is different and cut off from almost everything/ everyone else. Their connection is private and intimate, mostly separate from the galactic conflict at large and other people/creatures around them.

In the first 3 Force connections, Rey & Kylo’s voices are relayed, stretched, echoed through time and space as they are separated by the lightyears of distance between them.

III. THE VISUAL CODE

Visually, the foundation is just as firmly laid and strictly adhered to.

Rule 1: Rey is framed against her background, Kylo against his.

In the first Force bond scene, Kylo says this: “Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours. Just you.”

It’s implied that Kylo can only see Rey (at least at this stage), probably standing like an apparition in the middle of the Supremacy hallway. Throughout this exchange, we are not once shown this image. The camera never attempts to show us what they see, but only to imagine it. On screen, in these first few scenes, Rey and Kylo are never shown in the other’s environment, never together in a frame.

There is purposefully a significant divide between them: their individual frame. They are visually boxed within these cinematic rectangles, symbolic of their distinct frame of reference, frame of mind, circumstance and environment, no matter how close they move toward the other.

Rule 2: (an extension of rule 1) Because the film so refrains from putting them in the other’s environment, it also does not show what their interactions might look like from a more conventional way of framing a dialogue sequence. As Pablo has remarked, Rian chooses to use an extremely low-tech technique, just pure editing, eye lines and intercutting between shots and reverse shots of Kylo and Rey’s talking and reacting.

There is no rule against putting crazy glitters or magical filters on screen while showing how Rey might appear from Kylo’s POV or vice versa. Rian could also do this extremely low tech and just show him present in her space (which he did for the hand touching scene), and yet, RIAN DID NOT, because the emotional impact of the hut scene will be lessened, diluted.

Other ‘conventional’ ways of framing a dialogue sequence, which are markedly absent in the Force bond scenes :

Via the first 3 Force bond scenes, the audience becomes used to this very specific & restrictive framing, quickly associating this technique to Rey and Kylo’s Force connections.

We think that this is THE ONLY way to show that they are galaxies and light years apart. Although Kylo has revealed the mechanics of the Force connection to us (that they can see one another in the other’s space) we buy the cinematic language.

(It might be the case that as time goes on, the bond grows stronger and more of their surroundings can be revealed. But that’s not really the point. The point is Rian chooses to NEVER show their Force interactions in any other way until it matters, for the plot and for the character emotions.)

This kind of framing can be interpreted as a visual metaphor for Rey and Kylo’s physical and emotional separation.

It signifies how far apart physically and emotionally they still are from each other (despite their obvious attraction and gradual attempts to open up), and the reversal of this visual code will mark a true turning point in portraying their emotional closeness in the hut scene.

IV. THE 4TH FORCE BOND SCENE: BREAKING THE CODES

I’ve shown how a “conventional” Force bond scene starts, unfolds and ends. Now here comes the kicker. Rules are made to be broken and so Rian did to both surprise and affect the audience.

Firstly, he breaks the auditory code.

Rule 1: The start of the Force bond will be signified by sounds being shifted and ‘sucked’ out of Rey & Kylo’s respective environment.

We are never shown the start of the 4th session. On the contrary, it starts in the middle of the previous scene, auditorily, with Rey narrating her physical and emotional journey into the mirror cave.

The first time I watched the mirror scene, as Rey’s narration began, I was taken aback. Flashbacks, sure. Strange framing, ok. Stream of consciousness internal monologue addressing the audience and breaking the 4th wall? What?

But I went along until the scene ends and the monologue continues and turns into a dialogue. Kylo has been there all along. For a brief moment, we are shown only the image of Rey, all wet and miserable, a trail of tear visible on her cheek. This does not at all seem like a Force bond scene because Rule 2 has also been broken.

Rule 2: Both Kylo and Rey’s voices are amplified with echo. And ambience noises are blocked out.

As Rey admits to Kylo about her profound loneliness, we hear outside the pattering sounds of rain against the hut and the crackling of the camp fire beside her.

This does not prepare us for Kylo’s nervous voice, floating in from off-screen, suddenly: “You are not alone.” We did not see this coming because all the auditory conventions are reversed, except for Rule 3, point of audition, which is there more to catch us off guard than anything else. That line, heard in that way, unexpectedly just off screen, sends chills to my spine when I realized what it meant. That Kylo has been sitting there, listening to Rey’s confession of her greatest weakness, her fear, her attempt to confront this fear, her disappointment in finding no answer and finally her acute loneliness.

Compared to the other Force bond scenes, here, their presence and togetherness auditorily feel much more immediate, real and comforting, even before their hands ever touch each other on screen.

Their voices are no longer delayed, echoed. These tiny changes are subtle and the audience would probably not notice them consciously, but they contribute subconsciously to how we feel about what’s happening on screen. Even without the visuals, the scene is already filled with a sense of concreteness, warmth of the fire against the cold rain, softness and tenderness in both characters’ voices against the solemn subject being discussed.

Next, the visual code.

Without the usual auditory signs to help us, we could not rely much on the visuals at first either. The Force bond session begins, at least visually, when we see Rey in the hut. She does not seem to be staring at anyone in particular, just at the ground. It’s a vulnerable, contemplative moment for her and we understand. Until we hear Kylo’s voice and Rey’s eyes flick up to look at him, re-establishing their eye line. We’re immediately taken back to the established visual code: shot-reverse shot, frame to frame, speaking-reacting.

But the rule is now unsettled again as the scene cuts away to show Luke, reminiscing of the first interrupted Force connection. Unlike the first time, Luke was not in Rey’s immediate field of perception, nor was she aware of his arrival. (Luke probably sensed Rey’s communion with the Dark Side/Dark Side presence on the island after re-connecting to the Force.)

The stake is raised because we realize how close Luke was to Rey’s hut, that it would probably take barely a few minutes for him to reach it and maybe he would not see anything, but their session would be interrupted again. I don’t know about others but I was on the edge of my seat, the moment Luke showed up, uncertain of what was going to happen.

(OMG, I can’t believe you’re still here. Thanks for reading this far!! The juicy bits are here.)

V. REACHING OUT ACROSS MILLIONS OF LIGHTYEARS: THE HAND TOUCHING SEQUENCE

Now comes a stunning sequence both visually and (more subtly) auditorily.

As mentioned above, we see shots of Kylo and Rey alternating, as Rey decided to reach out her hand, and Kylo, after a moment of hesitation, removed his glove in preparation to reach out to her. We can hear the rains still pouring outside, the fire crackling.

Then we are shown, Rey’s hand and arm, her fingers stopped right in the middle of the screen, leaving a gap, a black void that begs to be filled.

It is a state of imbalance (in terms of framing) that foreshadows /requires/begs for an act of balance.

There’s just a beat of uncertainty before Kylo’s hand emerges, making its way slowly, nervously across the screen. (How satisfying! Then a thousand Reylos’ voices were heard and we were all found dead in the theaters, of intense feels.) This is where the background noises actually fade out, or at least become very muted. The score is the most dominant, flowing, guiding the on screen action, goading Kylo’s hand from one edge of the screen to the center.

Rey and Kylo are once again in their own carved out, ‘isolated’ auditory space, (and the audience is sucked in with them) while the outside world is again blocked out.

In that moment, there is no rain, no fire, just as there is no war, no dark or light, just these two intensely lonely individuals overcoming their physical and emotional separation to unite in one frame, one place.

They are FINALLY visually united, first with their hands touching, then fingers, closed up and placed diagonally, then their whole bodies in the first wide shot that they shared in the entire film thus far.

These shots alone are striking and emotionally effective because they transcend what the audience has come to know of these Force bond scenes. Additionally, when their fingers touch on screen, and the music ebbs just slightly, we hear a distant rumbling thunder (it could have been from the rain) but more likely the sound of something else clicks in place in the universe. That little sound is the equivalent of “and they feel electricity passing through their fingers as their skins touch” trope in most Reylo fanfics. (And I love it!)

The auditory cues are suggesting to the audience the idea/feeling that this union is somehow right, desirable, special.

And if you’re in doubt that this moment is extremely significant, not only for these two space idiots but also for the galaxy, John Williams puts the Force theme here when both were supposedly seeing a vision of the future. (aka “the Force swells around them when they touch” trope–also one of my faves.)

Visually, the shot below resembles a painting. Its composition feels complete, perfect because of how symmetrical and balanced it is. The color palette is also earthy, warm and natural. Many have pointed out how this scene could be read as a kind of marriage via the Force, a sacred union, and I have to agree. Despite everything else that happens in the film after this point, this image will most likely stick with the audience, even subconsciously because us humans are wired to appreciate and crave symmetry and balance.

(It’s interesting to note that this is from Luke’s POV as he barged into the hut. Plot wise, it indicates how Kylo has managed to project himself across the galaxy to materialize right in front of Rey and Luke’s eyes. He was no longer just a vision in Rey’s mind eyes. This looks like a beautiful image to the audience and yet Luke’s reactions are disapproval and anger. Luke’s presence again grounded these 2 individuals in the realities of their situation. That they’re on opposite sides of the war and their little ‘tryst’ is forbidden and wrong somehow. But this is not at all how it has been presented to the audience. We are thus pushed to question or applaud Luke’s judgment here. But I digress.)

If the above image signifies how Rey and Kylo’s emotional union brings a sense of peace, the below shot in the throne room, when they’re teaming up physically, signifies a sense of power, of strength.

In other words, the film continually suggests visually that Rey and Kylo’s union creates balance, peace, power and beauty.

It’s perfection in an image.

After the hut scene, Rey and Kylo are again framed conventionally when they meet again on the Supremacy with front view frame, over the shoulder etc. These are expected since they’re together physically so their interactions obey the same cinematic language as the rest of the film.

We only see a shift back to the strictly individual frames during the last Force connection.

I believe that if their Force bond is to be depicted again in Ep. IX, the visual and auditory language established in TLJ will be kept to maintain consistency. (It’s faster and easier to reuse rather than create some new conventions.)

The beauty of the hand touching scene lies in how it breaks all the cinematic codes created for the Force connections, similar to how Kylo and Rey’s connection breaks all expectations, and ‘moral’ conventions regarding darkness and light coming together, enemies feeling compassion for one another.

For Reylo doubters, if Rey and Kylo are to end up as enemies to the end of Ep. IX, Rian would not have gone to such lengths to encode such emotional significance to the hand touching scene. Visually and auditorily, he already signals that “look here people, this moment is not only powerful for the characters, but for this trilogy ok?” But it’s not just this scene. It’s all of the Reylo scenes in this movie.

So there. Thanks for putting up with my long winded essay about this poetic cinema. Would love to hear others’ thoughts on the subject.

P.S: I might do another analysis of the other Force connection scenes (Luke-Leia, Kylo-Leia). They all share some elements with Reylo Force bond scenes (as there seems to be a specific cinematic language for Force connections in general though it is most expanded/developed in Reylo Force connections). I keep thinking of these cinematic elements like musical leitmotifs, you have the long main theme (the Reylo Force bond) and smaller references in other Force connection scenes.

#long post #with some images and gifs to illustrate my points #if you're a film enthusiast like me this might be of interest #film analysis #filmmaking #reylo meta #sw meta #my meta #reylo #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #force bond

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themclbird · 6 years

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Wat do you think of mclul??? I personally hate it. Beemoov took everything I loved about high school and completely threw it all away.

I completely understand where you’re coming from, and from what we have for the game at the moment I can’t say that I completely disagree. I also can’t say that I completely agree. I think that MCLUL has some good points and some bad points. So that I finish this answer on a positive note, I’m going to start with what I consider to be the bad points. And because this post got really long, really quickly I’m going to put it all under the cut.

There’s the obvious removal of the three boys. I think that everything that can be said about this factor has already been stated before by people who are far better at wording their thoughts than I am. Personally I cannot see a logical reason for doing this from a marketing stand-point. Blind-siding your players with the removal of three of the five dating options in your game is never something that I can see going down well. If this is something that a company is considering doing, I would assume that it would be far smarter for them to pose the option to the community and see how they react.

Or at least give them a warning that three of their favourite characters, who they spent years loving, would be gone so that it doesn’t feel quite so much like a stab in the back when they are removed from a game that was heavily marketed towards us as a continuation of the high school story.

In terms of story telling there are a few points that I consider to be poor.

First is the pacing. There’s no denying (at least in my opinion) that MCLUL is moving a lot faster than MCL did. We’re four episodes into MCLUL (even though I’m personally still stuck on episode two) and we already seem to be much further along in the relationships than we were in MCL at the same point. In MCL, by episode four we had only just met the third of four possible love interests. Yes you could technically say that we had met four of them, but thanks to Ken moving schools in what I believe was episode three we only had three of the love interests present in the school. Meanwhile in MCLUL we’ve now met all five of the love interests and it feels like any one of them (though some more than others) may ask Candy out on a proper date any episode now.

Some people may like this faster pace as there were a fair number of people who complained about how slow MCL moved in terms of dating. However that’s not the case for me. When it comes to love stories and otome games/dating simulators I love the part of the stories that are purely “the chase”. This comes from what I think is two different reasons.

One: “the chase” is where the first three quarters (give or take) of a characters development is presented to the reader/player. It’s where the initial love for a character blossoms. It’s where the strong foundations of a relationship is created and options are explored.

Two: in most stories once “the chase” is over and two characters are dating the plot begins to lose its interest. Many writers struggle to continue writing a plot that is interesting, engaging, and entertaining once there isn’t the driving force of the pursuit of a relationship behind it.

With this plot pacing it feels impossible to actually learn anything about the new characters and develop strong, well-rounded opinions on them. It was hard enough in MCL to truly say that you knew any of the characters completely, but now in MCLUL with how fast they seem to be wanting to move the plot along I fear that it’s going to be even harder this time around. The only characters that we may have the chance of saying we truly have complete characters for are those who have been moved over from MCL, but even that may simply be wishful thinking on my part. The fleshing out of characters isn’t something that MCL ever really seemed to focus strongly on... At least in my opinion.

In the same realm of the plot’s pacing, MCLUL is far more mature in content than that of its high school “prequel”. It took MCL forty episodes to contain a scene that was undoubtedly sexual meanwhile episode four of MCLUL contains a potentially unlockable scene in it (given the correct dialogue choices) that is the beginning portion of a sexual scene. This scene in MCLUL may get cut off before much can happen, but the content is still there and therefore already setting the tone for what this “sequel” is going to really be focusing on in future episodes.

Moving away from the sexual themes of the game, there is also the alcohol content within the game. MCL did have the consumption of alcohol within it, however MCLUL has the consumption of alcohol everywhere. From what I understand there isn’t a single episode so far that hasn’t included the consumption of alcohol (whether it be on Candy’s part or that of other characters) or at the very least the mention of alcohol within the episode. I can’t say for certain why the MCLUL writers feel such a strong need to include this so frequently in their game, but I can take a guess and say that it’s an attempt to show Candy’s age. Alcohol is something that in most countries only adults can partake in, and so by showing Candy and her friends frequently consuming it the game is showing that Candy is now an adult (even though her actions, behaviour, and even speech patterns seem to be suggesting that she hasn’t aged a day since high school).

I personally miss the innocence of MCL. Even in the later episodes of MCL I missed the innocence of MCL. For me the game was always something that was sweet, fluffy, and perhaps a tad childish. Those were things that I loved about it. Yes, MCL had a tendency of focusing on more mature subjects (e.g. abuse) however it always seemed to come back to its innocence when all was said and done. However, as the episodes progressed and particularly as we started dating our chosen love interest the themes of the game became more mature and slowly that innocence became rarer to find amongst the drama-heavy plot. Now in MCLUL that innocence that made me initially fall in love with the game seems to have been completely scrapped and replaced with what to me reads as an adolescent and incorrect view on what it means to be an adult.

The timeskip as a whole is something that I don’t like. It could have been something that was done well, however I feel that the writers haven’t done it justice. A four year timeskip could have been the perfect opportunity to move a relationship into a new, more mature, more well-rounded dynamic. When you’ve been with someone for four years things are certainly different from when you first started dating. Both of you will have grown as people, and you may have grown in a way that made you either stronger as a couple or weaker. Both of which can be a good starting point for a new story in a new phase of a character’s life.

We also have the fact that the timeskip mathematically doesn’t make sense. If Candy was eighteen when she graduated from high school and it’s been four years since she graduated then she should only be twenty-two years old in MCLUL and not the twenty-three that they state she is. Although I think I remember a dialogue stating that she didn’t think she’d be able to “get her life together at seventeen” or something along those lines, suggesting that she was seventeen when she graduated, meaning that after four years she should only be twenty-one instead of twenty-three. However I’m not certain if that was actually said or if I’m imagining that statement from Candy. Also this isn’t so much a problem with MCLUL itself as it is with the writing.

Writing wise Priya is another issue for me. The fact that she’s dateable isn’t the issue. In fact that is one of the positives that I’m going to mention later on. My issue is with how little we see her and how her character feels different when we do see her.

I may be wrong, but speaking to Priya seems to be a rare occurrence in MCLUL. While the other four love interests seem to each get a good amount of time in the sun, with each episode focusing a good chunk of its content on each of them, Priya seems to be pushed to the side. The amount of dialogue with her is limited and short compared to that of the others. It seems to me that we spent more time talking to her when she had the possibility of being no more than a friend in MCL.

Then there’s her personality. She feels different to me, and I’ve read many justifications for why this may be. I am aware that in four years people can change. I am aware that when you are flirting with someone you act differently than when you’re with a friend. However neither of these things completely change who a person is. My main issue is with the idea that she’s different because she’s now flirting with Candy. Since her introduction in MCL in (correct me if I’m wrong) episode twenty-seven I personally saw Priya as a character that consistently flirted with Candy. The way that she spoke and joked with Candy were almost a mirror-image to flirting I have seen from people in the real world. Heck, some of the things she said to Candy were reminiscent of how I flirt. Someone shouldn’t feel like a different person simply because they’re romantically interested in you. Not only is that poor writing, but if presented in the real world (like Beemoov so desperately wants us to do as proven by their statement that long-term long-distance relationships with your high school sweetheart aren’t “realistic”) is a slightly creepy idea. At least to me. The idea that someone would be a different person with me if they were interested in dating me as opposed to being my friend makes me uncomfortable. Yes you may act slightly different, and you may say different things, but at the end of the day you shouldn’t be a different person. But maybe that’s just me.

I feel like the topic of Priya and her change in personality is about to open a door to a whole other topic of the differences in every character in MCLUL compared to MCL and although those changes are an issue for me I’m not going to get into it here because I feel this post is already getting long enough as it is. I’m also not going to mention the AP system, because that would be another long rant in and of itself. But it does bug me. A lot.

Instead I’m going to focus on the positives I have for the game.

Personally I’m trying to keep in mind that this is only the beginning of the game. There is plenty of room for them improve and add onto what they have and create something great. The beginning of any game is sure to be a rocky start, particularly when you’re creating the sequel to an already loved game. And episodic games have it just that little bit harder as they are releasing their game/story bit by bit instead of as a full game all at once. However releasing the game bit by bit may just be what saves the game. With every episode the writers have the chance to receive feedback from the players. They can hear what people think needs to be improved, and what they’re already doing well. If the writers take advantage of this then they can create something that both them and the players love.

Many of the new characters are ones that I love. Chani and Yeleen are the two I love the most. Although neither of them are perfect and there are aspects of their characters that I don’t understand the reasonings for including I do think that they are interesting characters who could quite easily become characters that help to drive the plot of the game forward so long as they are handled correctly.

The episodes themselves, in terms of the plots, are quite enjoyable. There hasn’t been an episode so far that I’ve truly hated, thought was too short, or felt like nothing but filler. Each one has a decent amount of dialogue (no matter how annoying that is with the new AP system) and spends a bit of time focusing on each of the new love interests and tries to give you some incite into who they are as people.

The backgrounds are gorgeous. There’s no denying my love for the new backgrounds. Each area is its own thing while remaining a part of the one world. Everything flows together nicely and the layout of the world feels coherent and plausible. Nothing particularly feels out of place or different from everywhere else.

On the topic of backgrounds: the artsyle in general is something that I quite like. It’s different from MCL, and in my personal opinion has a refinery about it that MCL lacked. There are a few things that don’t look quite right to me, but all in all I like the general look of MCLUL.

As mentioned above Priya is something that I think is a definitive positive about MCLUL. Ever since she was introduced in MCL she was a character that I wished I could date. She’s gorgeous and her personality is incredibly entertaining. Knowing that she was a dateable option was the first sign that MCLUL was going to be a game that attempted to be more diverse than MCL.

The diversity in MCLUL is a plus. Three out of the five love interests are POC. We have Priya of Indian descent (was this confirmed or did I imagine that?), Hyun of presumed Korean descent, and Rayan of presumed Arabic descent. I would love to have the ethnicity’s of the boys to be confirmed, but the fact that they exist in the game at all is a positive point for me. Now all they need to do is outright state their ethnicity’s so that we don’t have to have the same arguments over and over again about where they’re from. I love all of the boys from MCL, but it always sat a little strange with me that all five of them were white. There wasn’t even one boy that was evidently tan.

MCLUL definitely isn’t what I was expecting, or really wanting, from a sequel of MCL, but I’m still giving it a chance to prove itself to me before I completely write it off as a failure in my eyes.

#anon ask #i thought about discussing MCLs mishandling of serious subjects #but that's a whole different post #so was the AP system #and the complete changing of character behaviour being justified with a timeskip #sorry this is so long #the wording of this may not be perfect #my brain died about halfway through #if there's anything i need to clarify please tell me #or ask if there's anything you want me to elaborate on

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madewithonerib · 3 years

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Rejoice and Tremble: The Surprising Good News of the Fear of the LORD (Ebook) | By Michael Reeves

Our inner convictions & values shape our lives & our ministries.

And at Union—the cooperative ministries of Union School of Theology/Publishing/Research/Mission (www.theolo.gy)—we long to grow & support wo/men who will delight in GOD, grow in CHRIST, serve the Church, & bless the world.

This Union series of books is an attempt to express & share those values.

They are values that flow from the beauty & grace of GOD.

The living GOD is so glorious & kind, HE cannot be known without being adored.

1.] True Love

Those who truly know HIM will love HIM, & without that heartfelt delight in GOD, we are nothing but hollow hypocrites.

That adoration of GOD necessarily works itself out in a desire to grow in CHRIST-likeness.

2.] Servant Heart

It also fuels a love for CHRIST's precious bride, the Church, & a desire humbly to serve—rather than use—her.

3.] Share HIS Concerns

And lastly, loving GOD brings us to share HIS concerns, especially to see HIS life-giving glory fill the Earth.

Each exploration of a subject in the Union series will appear in two versions: A full volume & a concise one.

The idea is that Church leaders can read the full treatment, such as this one, & so delve into each topic while making the more accessible concise version widely available to their congregations.

My hope & prayer is that these books will bless you & your Church as you develop a deeper delight in GOD that overflows in joyful integrity, humility, CHRIST-likeness, love for the Church, & a passion to make disciples of all nations.

Read Chapter 1: Do Not be Afraid!

CH1: Do Not be Afraid!

As children we were sacred of the dark & the monsters under the bed. We were both fascinated & repelled by our fears.

And not much changes when we grew up: Adults love scary movies & thrills that bring us face-to-face with our worst fears..

Fear is probably the strongest human emotion.

But it is one that baffles us.

1.1] To Fear or Not to Fear?

● Is fear a good thing or a bad thing? ● Is fear something to embrace or flee?

Many times SCRIPTURE clearly views fear as a bad thing, from which CHRIST has come to rescue us.

[1 John 4:12,18, Luke 1:74-75, Romans 8:15, 2 Timothy 1:7]

● 1 John 4:18 | ¹⁸ There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. The one who fears has not been perfected in love.

● 1 John 4:12 | ¹² No one has ever seen GOD; but if we love one another, GOD remains in us, & HIS love is perfected in us.

● Luke 1:74-75 | ⁷⁴ deliverance from hostile hands, that we may serve HIM without fear, ⁷⁵ in holiness & righteousness before HIM all the days of our lives.

● Romans 8:15 | ¹⁵ For you did not receive a spirit of slavery that returns you to fear, but you received the SPIRIT of sonship, by whom we cry, “Abba! FATHER!”

● 2 Timothy 1:7 | ⁷ For GOD has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, & self-control.

The author of Hebrews agrees, arguing that CHRIST came specifically to “deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.” [Hebrews 2:15]

Hebrews 2:14-16 | Now since the children have flesh & blood, HE too shared in their humanity, so that by HIS death HE might destroy him who holds the power of death, that is, the devil, ¹⁵ & free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. ¹⁶ For surely it is not the angels HE helps, but the descendants of Abraham.

In deed, the most frequent command in SCRIPTURE is:

“Do not be afraid!”

Yet again in SCRIPTURE we are called to fear.

Perhaps even more strangely, we are called to fear GOD.

The verse that quickly comes to mind is Proverbs 9:10.

Proverbs 9:10 | ¹⁰ The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, & knowledge of the Holy ONE is understanding.

But while that is the best known, it is far from alone. At the start of the Book of Proverbs we read,

Proverbs 1:7 | ⁷ The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom & discipline.

David prays,

Psalm 86:11 | ¹¹ Teach me YOUR way, O LORD, that I may walk in YOUR truth. Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear YOUR name.

Isaiah tells us that “the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure” [Isaiah 33:6]. Job’s faithfulness is summed up when he is described as “a blameless & upright man, who fears GOD” [Job 1:8].

And this is not merely OT state of affairs that the NT rises above. In the Magnificat, Mary says that [Luke 1:50]

● Luke 1:50 | ⁵⁰ HIS mercy extends to those who fear HIM, from generation to generation.

● Isaiah 33:6 | ⁶ He will be the sure foundation for your times, a storehouse of salvation, wisdom, & knowledge. The fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure.

● Job 1:8 | ⁸ Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered MY servant Job? For there is no one on earth like him, a man who is blameless & upright, who fears GOD & shuns evil.”

JESUS describes the unrighteous judge as one “who neither feared GOD nor respected man” [Luke 18:2].

Luke 18:2 | ² “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared GOD nor respected men.

Paul writes, “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body & spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of GOD” [2 Corinthians 7:1];

& again, “Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the LORD” [Colossians 3:22].

Clearly, the NT agrees with the “Preacher” when he concludes Ecclesiastes: “The end of the matter; all has been heard.

Fear GOD & keep HIS commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” [Eccles. 12:13]

In fact, the fear of GOD is so important a theme in SCRIPTURE that Professor John Murray wrote simply,

“The fear of GOD is the soul of godliness.” ¹

The seventeenth-century Puritan John Owen likewise argued that in SCRIPTURE, “the fear of the LORD” means “the whole worship of GOD, moral & instituted, all the obedience which we owe unto HIM.” ²

And Martin Luther taught in his Small Catechism that the fulfillment of the law means “we are to fear, love, & trust GOD above all things.” ³

Walking his people through the Ten Commandments, Luther wrote that a right understanding of each meant knowing “we are to fear & love GOD.”

All of which can leave us rather confused.

On the one hand, we are told that CHRIST frees us from fear; on the other, we are told we ought to fear—& fear GOD, no less.

It can leave us discouraged & wishing that “the fear of GOD” were not so prominent an idea in SCRIPTURE.

We have quite enough fears without adding more, thank you very much.

And fearing GOD just feels so negative, it doesn’t seem to square with the GOD of love & grace we meet in the GOSPEL.

Why would any GOD worth loving want to be feared?

It is all made worse by the impression that fear & love are two different languages preferred by two different Christian camps—perhaps two different theologies.

The one camp speaks of love & grace & never of fearing GOD.

And the other camp seems angered by this & emphasizes how afraid of GOD we should be.

The fear of GOD is like cold water on the Christian’s love for GOD.

We get the impression that the fear of GOD must be the gloomy theological equivalent of eating your greens:

something the theological health nuts binge on while everyone else enjoys tastier fare.

My aim now is to cut through this discouraging confusion.

I want you to rejoice in this strange paradox that the GOSPEL both frees us from fear & gives us fear.

It frees us from our crippling fears, giving us instead a most delightful, happy, & wonderful fear.

And I want to clear up that often off-putting phrase “the fear of GOD,” to show through the BIBLE that for Christians it really does not mean being afraid of GOD.

Indeed, SCRIPTURE will have many hefty surprises in store for us as it describes the fear of GOD that is the beginning of wisdom.

It is not what we would expect.

Take just one example for now.

In Isaiah 11:1–3 we are given a beautiful description of the Messiah, filled with the SPIRIT:

There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, & a branch from his roots shall bear fruit.

And the SPIRIT of the LORD shall rest upon HIM, the SPIRIT of wisdom & understanding, the SPIRIT of counsel & might, the SPIRIT of knowledge & the fear of the LORD.

And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD.

Those last two statements should make us question what this fear of the LORD is. Here we see that the fear of the LORD is not something the Messiah wishes to be without.

Even HE, in HIS sinless holiness & perfection, has the fear of the LORD—but HE is not reluctant about it.

It is not that HE loves GOD & has joy in GOD but finds [unfortunately] that to fulfill all righteousness HE also must fear GOD.

Quite the opposite:

the SPIRIT who rests on HIM is the SPIRIT of the fear of the LORD, & HIS delight is in the fear of the LORD.

It forces us to ask, what is this fear, that it can be CHRIST’s very delight? It cannot be a negative, gloomy duty.

Today’s Culture of Fear

But before we dive into the good news the BIBLE has about our fears & the fear of GOD, it is worth noticing how anxious our culture has become.

Seeing where our society now is can help us understand why we have a problem with fear—& why the fear of GOD is just the tonic we need.

These days, it seems, everyone is talking about a culture of fear.

From Twitter to television, we fret about global terrorism, extreme weather, pandemics, & political turmoil.

In political campaigns & elections, we routinely see fear rhetoric used by politicians who recognize fear drives voting patterns.

And in our digitalized world, the speed at which information & news are disseminated means we are flooded with more causes of worry than ever.

Fears that once we would never have shared cross the world in seconds & are globally pooled.

Our private, daily routines are filled with still more sources of anxiety.

Take our diet, for example:

If you choose the full-fat version on the menu, you’re heading for a heart attack. Yet we’re regularly confronted with the latest discovery that the low-calorie alternative is actually carcinogenic or harmful in some other way.

And so a low-grade fear starts with breakfast.

Or think of the paranoia surrounding parenting today.

The valid but usually overblown fear of the kidnapper lurking online or outside every school has helped fuel the rise of helicopter parenting & children more & more fenced in to keep them safe.

Small surprise, then, that universities are now expected to provide previously unheard-of “safe spaces” to protect or quarantine students.

Children have grown up so protected that they are not expected to be able to cope with opposing viewpoints or criticism.

It is just one indicator that they are considered more fragile than students were a generation ago.

However, it is wrong to single out the pejoratively named Generation Snowflake:

as a whole, we are an increasingly anxious & uncertain culture.

Anyone in management knows about the staggering proliferation of bureaucratic red tape around health & safety.

Yet it has not made us feel safer.

If anything, we triple-check our locks even more obsessively.

The certain safety we long for evades us, leaving us feeling vulnerable, like victims at the slim mercy of everyone & everything else.

And therein is an extraordinary paradox, for we live more safely than ever before.

From seatbelts & airbags in our cars to the removal of lead paint & asbestos from our homes, our safety is guarded more than our shorter-lived ancestors could have imagined.

We have antibiotics to protect us from infections that in other centuries would have been all too easily fatal.

But rather than rejoicing, we worry we’re becoming immune & so heading into a post-antibiotic health apocalypse.

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loki-of-war · 6 years

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On the future of TWD

(EDIT: Reposting due to a formatting error)

So I’ve seen a lot of people commenting and sharing their opinions lately on how Chandler’s departure will affect the show, if it will survive this hit or not, for how many seasons more will TWD run, etc, etc. And I decided, now that I’m thinking more rationally (I hope) and I’m able to form understandable sentences, to share my honest thoughts with you lovely people on this entire mess.

Which is as follows: I give the show a minimum lifespan of ten seasons (meaning, the show will end in two more seasons) and a maximum of twelve seasons in total. This is my verdict, feel free to disagree with me.

Now onto explaining why I think this is so:

I can sort of see why old fans who left and people who have never liked Carl or feel lukewarm about him are happy this death is going to happen. But on the other side I'm thinking this kind of mentality is the reason why the show gets away with terrible decisions and why they keep making them over and over, declining in quality. I don't think it's right to condone mediocrity; this is from someone like me who has stayed on the TWD's side so far hoping they'd find the right footing at some point this season (then, obviously, because why wouldn’t they, my patience and tolerance was rewarded with this haha). And as I mentioned in a previous comment I made on YT, no matter what the public's feelings for Carl are, they won't change the importance of his role in the plot and his fundamental connection to Rick (this latter element has an effect on the whole cast, for better or for worse).

But anyway, Carl's death is going to change the entire mood of the series from now on so it definitely will never be as it once was and I think because of that the story will slowly bleed out. I mean, Carl has been the greatest determinator for every single one of Rick's decisions the entire show, and not only that but what he symbolised as a character, the hope for a better future, is gone now. What do children, sons, daughters, symbolise in every universal story? The next generation, what comes after, that not everything is going to be screwed up forever; especially after seeing how unmerciful TWD's world has proven to be for children and having Carl be the only exception to this 'kids cannot survive this world' rule has sort of become a moot point thanks to the...current circumstances.

Rick's and Lori's speeches to Carl in seasons 2 and 3 respectively justify this way of thinking: that after everyone from their generation (the adults) dies, Carl will have to take the reins and move on. I refuse to believe any writer with common sense would write such important pieces of dialogue just because they felt like it, just because they're emotional words without any other kind of meaning behind them. That is just lazy and awful writing in my opinion. Why write these poignant moments only to have the kid killed long before the end of the series? Why write/do anything if those things are going to be ignored later down the line, nevermind that every piece in a story must connect with the others? Why bother teaching him this morality lessons if they're all going to go to waste anyway; if he will never have a character arc/storyline that is plot relevant where his morals are challenged? (Good on you, whoever made the call, for missing out on possible great storylines for Carl that would have improved viewing and the quality of the show). That doesn't make a bit of sense, unless that what they were looking for was to give the events leading up to his sudden death some twist of irony, and that'd be perfect and all, except that Carl dying was so not part of the plan (the improvisation is so obvious it hurts me in the balls I don't have) and even the way his death was set up was graceless-the bite- and not something one would expect from the same people who made/directed/wrote/produced Season 4. In other words, killing him was basically flipping off the idea of a future in the face, whether they meant to do that or not, and this is bound to turn the overall mood the series to a much grim and darker tone to an already heavy themed and toned series. Many people won't find themselves too content with that heavier tonal change, I think, if the ratings for season 7 are to be trusted.

Ignoring that the conclusion to this was having him die though, I do have to say the actual set up in the mid season finale itself was beautiful and emotional (Chandler's acting was on point, he was the star of this episode), but the chain of actions leading up to it was lackluster. With lackluster I mean that he is a very important character that has literally been wasted for far too long; if you look at his progression throughout the seasons you'll realize he has not done much from a plot perspective despite being a main character. Therefore, his death feels unsatisfactory and empty because one can't help but feel that he hasn't nearly done as much as he should have. What he did to save his people in the mid season finale was amazing but it wasn't enough to make up for a notorious lack of screen time over full eight seasons, moreover if the motivations that drove him to that point, to that mentality, to that philosophy, don't make sense because his personality has made a one eighty from how he was the previous season with no type of prior explanation as to why that happened.

It may not seem like it but I'm actually a huge fan of angst and favorite-character-slaughter. I love when books, music, movies, videogames, series make me suffer (great examples of this are my undying love for Hannibal the tv show and that my favorite videogames are the ones directed by this one man, life destroyer actually, called Yoko Taro). Perhaps that is another reason why I'm being so critical with the choice to kill Carl (asides from the horrible decision-making and poor writing), because I love being hit in the feels in the best way possible, without holding back any punches, just go straight for the kill and make me cry like a newborn. However, I don't like tragedy when it's done for shock value, or when it's done simple-mindedly. If a favorite character of mine is going down, it has to make sense and they must have had filled out their purpose in the story, reached a state of character development we're all satisfied with so that when they die one can accept it and be happy despite the possible trauma that could ensue after (well, one can't exactly pin point when that happens, when enough is enough, but to have had the character embark on a lot of adventures even without them accomplishing their purpose, is enough to embrace their death). I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is that, while on one hand I would have preferred him outliving everybody else, if they were still so adamant on having him die at some point of the story (as if killing Carl had actually been part of a long term plan and not some last minute decision) they should have developed him first and foremost, and then assign him a proper death in later seasons, most preferably before the last season ends given that him dying before Rick is several different levels of wrong; if he wasn't such a huge part of Rick's character then fine, do it, but putting and end to him is equal to neutralizing Rick for literally years, which is time that both a comic and a tv show cannot afford, so to do it near the end of everything would be a better fit.

And, I don't know, even having Judith fill the void won't be of much help either, because we haven’t and we won't see her grow the same way we did Carl, her relationship with Rick will be vastly different, and so on. Probably this is just me but I'm not really attached to her; Judith so far is to me only a concept and not actually a person (yet). The fact that they keep changing the little baby girls who portray her doesn't really help, that gets me out of the story everytime. She just can't replace Carl, she might take his future storylines but it won't be the same. Besides, by the time she grows up, she’ll already be deep into this world, this is her normal life and probably by that time things will have changed.

So basically, not only in killing Carl they destroyed the image of a future, they have killed a foundational part of the essence that made The Walking Dead be The Walking Dead we all knew and loved, and that will never return. Also, allow me to point out that for those who think that The Walking Dead is about people dying whenever and wherever, and the cruel injustice that is life, I am not going to say that your interpretation is wrong but it is an incomplete one. The audience doesn’t watch TWD only to see tons of MC’s get murdered on a daily basis. Otherwise, why bother with investing time on a plot and just have them all killed at once. The soul of TWD is not about senseless killing and murder and tragedy and sadness. Simplifying it all to ‘this show is about the possibility of anybody dying/gore/zombies/etc’ is a great disservice to the show and the fans. Obviously, I am not neither the writer of the show or Robert Kirkman to claim to know to a T what the central theme of The Walking Dead is, and for full disclosure I have not read the comics. Nonetheless, basing my personal opinion on the tv show alone, I would like to think one of the core themes the show has explored and returns to time and time again is the topic in regards to the essence of human nature, and how in spite of apparent doom and the horrible circumstances we are forced to face, humans will always find the way to move forwards and stay strong, ergo, the message is a positive one, not a negative one, depressing, nihilistic one. And what better character to portray this versatility of human nature, this capacity for change, other than Carl Grimes, a child of transition, a child who was pulled out of his normal childhood and thrown right into the chaos of the apocalypse? A boy who has witnessed inhumane things, horrible things, has killed his mother, his second father figure, has done awful things himself, has always been toeing the line between right and wrong, cruel and kind, because of all the experiences he has had to process in a very short period of time? He was obligated to grow in a decaying world, watching his father and the ones surroundind him make mistakes, learning from them, evolving, seeing close ones die, starving, surviving insane experiences... If someone like that manages to grow in such a hostile environment and still remains true to himself and still has not lost faith in the world and humanity, and keeps close all the meaningful, important things his family and friends told him in the course of his entire life and not only that, but also applies them... What does that mean for you, to you? What does it mean for us? What does it say about human nature that hasn’t been told before or not quite in this manner?

Well, that is the point. I guess we will never get to find out in the Tv Show the answer to those questions. Regrettably.

If, and just if, the show manages to recover from this point onwards, I still have no idea how I'd feel about having the show thrive on the tails of throwing under the bus such a key character with no legitimate reasons behind the choice (don't even get me started on what they've done to poor Chandler). I'll still watch the show but I would be incredibly uncomfortable if that is how it turns out to be.

Finally, I apologize for any grammar mistakes or awkward phrasing you may find, it’s way too late to be doing such a long post and English is not my main language. Please don’t be afraid or feel awkward about replying to this post, even if it’s to hate on it. I really don’t mind having a long conversation about this topic with you all since I’ve literally been dying since Sunday night to discuss it.

Thank you so much for reading!

#twd #the walking dead #Carl Grimes #Rick Grimes #Chandler Riggs #Andrew Lincoln #Michonne #Danai Gurira #Negan #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #season 8 #twd s8 #scott gimple #amc

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the-seas-song · 6 years

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Tolkien Gen Week Day 5

DAY FIVE: diversity How does diversity affect Tolkien’s characters and your interpretations of them? Does a disability or orientation affect relationships with other characters? Have you lost sleep thinking about hobbit race relations? This is the day to consider all the other factors that go into a character’s life.

Work has been insane lately, so unfortunately I wasn't able to write everything I wanted to for this amazing week, but I really wanted to make sure I got this one done.

This is mainly a thank you post. First, I want to give a big thank you to @starlightwalking for creating and running this week. A lot of time must have gone into it, and I've had a great time.

I love all forms of love, and one of my favorite things about Tolkien's works is that he highlights a large variety of emotionally intimate platonic relationships. Thank you Tolkien. And also thank you to everyone who worked on the films, for not only portraying those in the texts, but actually adding and expanding the amount of deep platonic relationships.

As someone who is gray aro/ace, another one of my favorite things about Tolkien's works is the diversity in racial sexualities.

Elves only fall in love once in their life (technically it is possible for them to fall in love a second time, but we are only given two cases in all of Tolkien’s works, and both times there was a greater power at work). The foundation of elven-kind is memory and emotion. Their souls control their bodies. Elvish memories remain crystal clear, no matter how many decades or centuries pass. They never fade, even the slightest bit. Connected to memory is emotion. Elves feel things in a clearer way. They are ruled by emotion. They can literally just lie down and kill themselves with their mind, if they wish. Also, because of this clarity, they know from the beginning if they are feeling romantic-love or friendship-love for someone. There is nothing more important to an elf than their relationships, of any kind. Their anti-possessiveness goes so far that they will not even say 'I have two children’.

Tolkien says in LACE that almost all elves marry, and marry young. However, the entire legendarium contradicts that. Over half the elves we meet very marry/are never said to be married, and almost all of those that do marry do so well into their centuries and millenniums. Feanor and Nerdanel are literally the only elven couple that we are told married young.

Also, who could ever forget the tragedy of Beleg's death? “Thus ended Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days, at the hand of him whom he most loved; and that grief was graven on the face of Túrin and never faded.” - The Silmarillion

We are also given a tantalizing hint of one deep female friendship: “Fingolfin’s wife Anaire refused to leave Aman, largely because of her friendship with Earwen wife of Arafinwe (though she was a Noldo and not one of the Teleri). But all her children went with their father.” - The Shibboleth of Feanor

Another thing I rarely see people mention is Tolkien explicitly separating sex and gender:

According to the Eldar, the only 'character' of any person that was not subject to change was the difference of sex. For this they held to belong not only to the body but also to the mind equally: that is, to the person as a whole. [cut] Those who returned from Mandos, therefore, after the death of their first body, returned always to the same name and to the same sex as formerly.

[cut]

For the [souls] of the Elves are of their nature male and female, and not their [bodies] only. - LACE

Because their souls control their bodies, there are no trans elves. However, the fact that Tolkien took pains to explicitly say this for elves, throws the door wide open for all of the other races!

We're also told that about two thirds of dwarves are naturally aromantic, and those who aren’t only fall in love once. So, another gray aro/ace race!

There are so many amazing fanworks out there that diversify Tolkien's works even more.

Throughout my years of being a fan I've met a fair amount of purists, and there's nothing wrong with being a purist. Most of them are lovely people. I am, however, a firm believer in Roland Barthes's The Death of the Author (found here) theory. The great thing is Tolkien was too:

The Lord of the Rings has been read by many people since it finally appeared in print; and I should like to say something here with reference to the many opinions or guesses that I have received or have read concerning the motives and meaning of the tale. The prime motive was the desire of a tale-teller to try his hand at a really long story that would hold the attention of readers, amuse them, delight them, and at times maybe excite them or deeply move them. As a guide I had only my own feelings for what is appealing or moving, and for many the guide was inevitably often at fault. Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible; and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer. But even from the points of view of many who have enjoyed my story there is much that fails to please. It is perhaps not possible in a long tale to please everybody at all points, nor to displease everybody at the same points; for I find from the letters that I have received that the passages or chapters that are to some a blemish are all by others specially approved. The most critical reader of all, myself, now finds many defects, minor and major, but being fortunately under no obligation either to review the book or to write it again, he will pass over these in silence, except one that has been noted by others: the book is too short.

As for any inner meaning or 'message', it has in the intention of the author none. It is neither allegorical nor topical. As the story grew it put down roots (into the past) and threw out unexpected branches: but its main theme was settled from the outset by the inevitable choice of the Ring as the link between it and The Hobbit.

[cut]

Other arrangements could be devised according to the tastes or views of those who like allegory or topical reference. But I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done so since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence. I much prefer history, true or feigned, with its varied applicability to the thought and experience of readers. I think that many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author.

An author cannot of course remain wholly unaffected by his experience, but the ways in which a story-germ uses the soil of experience are extremely complex, and attempts to define the process are at best guesses from evidence that is inadequate and ambiguous. It is also false, though naturally attractive, when the lives of an author and critic have overlapped, to suppose that the movements of thought or the events of times common to both were necessarily the most powerful influences. One has indeed personally to come under the shadow of war to feel fully its oppression; but as the years go by it seems now often forgotten that to be caught in youth by 1914 was no less hideous an experience than to be involved in 1939 and the following years. By 1918 all but one of my close friends were dead. Or to take a less grievous matter: it has been supposed by some that 'The Scouring of the Shire' reflects the situation in England at the time when I was finishing my tale. It does not. It is an essential part of the plot, foreseen from the outset, though in the event modified by the character of Saruman as developed in the story without, need I say, any allegorical significance or contemporary political reference whatsoever. It has indeed some basis in experience, though slender (for the economic situation was entirely different), and much further back. The country in which I lived in childhood was being shabbily destroyed before I was ten, in days when motor-cars were rare objects (I had never seen one) and men were still building suburban railways. Recently I saw in a paper a picture of the last decrepitude of the once thriving corn-mill beside its pool that long ago seemed to me so important. I never liked the looks of the Young miller, but his father, the Old miller, had a black beard, and he was not named Sandyman. - LotR Foreward

And:

The Lord of the Rings as a story was finished so long ago now that I can take a largely impersonal view of it, and find 'interpretations' quite amusing; even those that I might make myself, which are mostly post scriptum: I had very little particular, conscious, intellectual, intention in mind at any point.* Except for a few deliberately disparaging reviews – such as that of Vol. II in the New Statesman,3 in which you and I were both scourged with such terms as 'pubescent' and 'infantilism' – what appreciative readers have got out of the work or seen in it has seemed fair enough, even when I do not agree with it. Always excepting, of course, any 'interpretations' in the mode of simple allegory: that is, the particular and topical. In a larger sense, it is I suppose impossible to write any 'story' that is not allegorical in proportion as it 'comes to life'; since each of us is an allegory, embodying in a particular tale and clothed in the garments of time and place, universal truth and everlasting life. Anyway most people that have enjoyed The Lord of the Rings have been affected primarily by it as an exciting story; and that is how it was written. Though one does not, of course, escape from the question 'what is it about?' by that back door. That would be like answering an aesthetic question by talking of a point of technique. I suppose that if one makes a good choice in what is 'good narrative' (or 'good theatre') at a given point, it will also be found to be the case that the event described will be the most 'significant'.

* Take the Ents, for instance. I did not consciously invent them at all. The chapter called 'Treebeard', from Treebeard's first remark on p. 66, was written off more or less as it stands, with an effect on my self (except for labour pains) almost like reading some one else's work. And I like Ents now because they do not seem to have anything to do with me. I daresay something had been going on in the 'unconscious' for some time, and that accounts for my feeling throughout, especially when stuck, that I was not inventing but reporting (imperfectly) and had at times to wait till 'what really happened' came through. But looking back analytically I should say that Ents are composed of philology, literature, and life.

[cut]

That of course does not mean that the main idea of the story was a war-product. That was arrived at in one of the earliest chapters still surviving (Book I, 2). It is really given, and present in germ, from the beginning, though I had no conscious notion of what the Necromancer stood for (except ever-recurrent evil) in The Hobbit, nor of his connexion with the Ring. But if you wanted to go on from the end of The Hobbit I think the ring would be your inevitable choice as the link. If then you wanted a large tale, the Ring would at once acquire a capital letter; and the Dark Lord would immediately appear. As he did, unasked, on the hearth at Bag End as soon as I came to that point. So the essential Quest started at once. But I met a lot of things on the way that astonished me. Tom Bombadil I knew already; but I had never been to Bree. Strider sitting in the comer at the inn was a shock, and I had no more idea who he was than had Frodo. The Mines of Moria had been a mere name; and of Lothlórien no word had reached my mortal ears till I came there. Far away I knew there were the Horse-lords on the confines of an ancient Kingdom of Men, but Fangorn Forest was an unforeseen adventure. I had never heard of the House of Eorl nor of the Stewards of Gondor. Most disquieting of all, Saruman had never been revealed to me, and I was as mystified as Frodo at Gandalf's failure to appear on September 22.1 knew nothing of the Palantíri, though the moment the Orthanc-stone was cast from the window, I recognized it, and knew the meaning of the 'rhyme of lore' that had been running in my mind: seven stars and seven stones and one white tree. These rhymes and names will crop up; but they do not always explain themselves. I have yet to discover anything about the cats of Queen Berúthiel.8 But I did know more or less all about Gollum and his pan, and Sam, and I knew that the way was guarded by a Spider. And if that has anything to do with my being stung by a tarantula when a small child,9 people are welcome to the notion (supposing the improbable, that any one is interested). I can only say that I remember nothing about it, should not know it if I had not been told; and I do not dislike spiders particularly, and have no urge to kill them. I usually rescue those whom I find in the bath! - Letter 163

Tolkien's loathing of allegory is well known. However, most don't talk about the fact that his fundamental reason for loathing it is because it enforces the domination of the author over the freedom of the reader - “I think that many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author.”

So, as we continue to love these works and create our own, let's never forget that Tolkien himself believed in our agency.

P.S. I have to share this quote from Letter 66. It's too funny!

A new character has come on the scene (I am sure I did not invent him, I did not even want him, though I like him, but there he came walking into the woods of Ithilien): Faramir, the brother of Boromir – and he is holding up the 'catastrophe' by a lot of stuff about the history of Gondor and Rohan (with some very sound reflections no doubt on martial glory and true glory): but if he goes on much more a lot of him will have to be removed to the appendices — where already some fascinating material on the hobbit Tobacco industry and the Languages of the West have gone.

#Faramir #Tolkien #tolkiengenweek #Mine

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