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#i wrote this idea down when i first joined the fandom. its like my second drawing idea
echoingkarma · 1 year
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Subjecting y’all to whatever this is
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to find: 🤖📚
AITA for writing a fanfiction with the help of Character AI?
For those who don’t know, Character AI (character.ai) is a site where anyone can make AI personalities of characters (original or existing) and train them for chats/roleplay/advice/etc.
When I first joined the site, I found that someone had made an AI of a character I liked. I have spent many hours roleplaying with this character and probably contributed a LOT to its training with my feedback.
Recently, I did a super long roleplay with it including other characters from the original media (played by me) and when it was over I really wanted to turn it into a fic. I chose all of the settings and situations, most of the actions, wrote all of the dialogue for several characters, and prompted dialogue I liked from the one AI character. When I finished polishing it and editing it to my liking, I published it to AO3.
I’m not a popular fanfiction author or anything, this was literally my second fic, and the first one was on another account. But because the fic was for a semi-small fandom, it kind of blew up and then people started getting mad when they noticed I mentioned I had written it with the help of AI, even after I explained exactly what I had done. They said I was contributing to the “theft” of other people’s work (even though, at least for me, writing is just taking bits from other works and reshaping and altering them to my own ideas) by using AI.
Personally, I don’t think I’m the asshole because I just used it to write one character’s dialogue that I edited anyway? And I wrote the rest of the fic completely by myself and played all the other characters. Not only that, but the whole plot, settings, interactions, etc. were all planned by me. But I also feel kind of bad because I guess this contributes to the AI art problem? I fed it my own writing and it probably took stuff from that and other places to base responses on. I don’t know.
I took the fic down for now, and I know this is kind of a silly issue, but I just wanted to see what the general opinion was. So, AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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broomsticks · 1 year
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today's hp fandom excavation fun: the hp_essays livejournal comm
1) When will the fandom end? posted by (ljuser)vegetasbubble on 07 December 2007
As much as we (any of us) hate to admit it, the Harry Potter fandom will one day (hopefully not one day soon) come to an end. Authors will write thier last ever fanfiction, draw thier last ever fanart, and put down the pencil and say "Thats it." Its a stage of life that no one, (I am one of those people), wants to see. The end of a generation, so to speak.
i was especially amused by this given the recent stats by destinationtoast that had HP as THE fastest growing fandom (and second largest to MCU overall) on AO3 in 2022.
anyway, virtually all the comments disagreed, pointing out the longevity of many many many other literary and movie/TV fandoms.
interestingly, though, i don't think i saw much note of how specifically groundbreaking HP was. aside from this:
Aside from the complete falsity of this claim, I'd rather pursue a new line of thought. In the past few years we seen the HP fanfiction exponentially grow being one of the hugest on general fanfiction websites, spawning huge websites in general for one specific IP and even within the fanfictiondom having different sub-sections, (such as slash, a particular ship or adult) of fanfiction having moderately large collections of works on their own. This is basically a testatment to HP being on of the biggest franchises of this generation to be able to generate such an incredible amount fandom, not to mention an almost serendipitously bring together the forces capitalism, luck, forture, marketing, publishing and talent to make it such a huge hit. The question I pose is to what degree will this fandom die down if at all? Obviously some people will hand up their brushes, mice and pens to abandon contributions to the monster than is HP fandom; but just as the longevity of slash Star Trek fics and LOTR fan art; to what extent will HP fandom survive? Does the content of being a youth fantasy or children's coming of age story have a bearing on how long it will last, when it will last and how slowly (or quickly) the fandom will die down?
this observation on the cyclical nature of fandom was fascinating too:
Hah. I used to ask myself the same question the first time that I was in a fandom. (Tolkien´s Silmarillion) People were writing everything off and exhausting all the good ideas by doing them over and over. Eventually, the people I knew grew tired, and I grew tired too, so most of us left. Years later, however, I suddenly had an impulse to go back and write some more… and guess what I found. New people had taken the place of the old, and the old fic ideas, the old controversies were coming up again as if they were new. Because for those people, they were new. They had not been there back when we wrote and discussed, and most of them had none or little knowledge of what had been done. Fandom repeats itself just like history, because new generations come, and they do not know what has been done before. And, as is the case with history, research about the past is a minoritary hobby. Do you read all the posts in a forum when you join? Or the mails in a mailing list that has been going for seven years? Well, it´s the same with the people who suddenly read Harry Potter and decide that they like it… they will start from zero, and probably read some classics that a friend reccomends to them, but they will not spend their first fannish months reading everything that has been already done, yelled, discussed, squeed and kept saved in Potter sites years before. They will spend them writing feverishly, noticing things, squeeing, yelling and discussing on their own- just as the others once did.
other Very Good essays:
2) Participatory Interpretation; Or, How Fanon Showed Me My Canon by gjules, posted 10 Sep 2004
Partly because of the size and complexity of its universe and partly because of its large and varied cast, the Harry Potter fandom has one of the widest spreads of potential interpretation… So how are we to take the author's intentions into this? As interesting as auctorial intent is in extra-textual interpretation, it still can be misleading. Authors are aware of their creation on many levels, and not all of those levels are consciously accessible. That's one of the strengths of the beta reader: they're not telling you what to do-- they're telling you what you've done.
For me, for example, rereading the books after finding HG/SS was an exercise in reinterpretation. Incorrect reinterpretation, reinterpretation informed and created by my hopeless enjoyment of Sevmione, I have no doubt, at least in light of the probability of that particular OTP occurring in future canon-- but still an interesting perspective on a given text which I might otherwise never have considered. Naturally, this leads to accusations of fanon muddying the waters of the original canon, making things confusing, blinding the fanfic reader and writer to what's really going on. I don't buy this. I would argue that instead, the reader who takes diverse perspectives from fanfic back to the original canon is instead more likely to see all of the possibilities, is less likely to be blinded by the initial assumptions anyone draws when encountering a text.
I've found that reading fanfiction often shows me the assumptions I've unconsciously held about canon. In my view of canon, Snape is more often the tormented hero, and Harry often closer to being in the wrong-- but the different views I have read of fanon Snape show me the other ways other readers see him.
This discussion eventually leads to a disturbing question, however: can all views of canon be considered equally privileged?
a response:
Short answer: no. Why? Because not all views of canon can be equally supported. If your view of canon can be demonstrably shown to contradict something like a significant point of the text, it is weakened. If you have an analysis of canon that fails to account for some major features of the text, or is contradicted by them, it is less priviledged than an analysis which is able to comphrend more things. The completeness criterion is one that I've found is applied across a lot of topics of analysis, from literature to hard-core music theory (yep, there is such a thing).
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3) a lovely (if slightly ranty!) tonks character study meta:
The Deconstruction of a Miss Nymphadora Tonks by theregoesyamum on 09 Apr 2006:
1. She's direct. 2. She's intelligent. 3. She has a sense of humour. 4. She hasn't got a rotten bone in her body. 5. She's irreverent and unconventional. 6. She's a Black by blood, if not by name.
go read it in full! keeping in mind the fandom post-HBP was full of massive tonks-related wank (alluded to in the (mostly good! worth reading!) discussion here).
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4) i'm sad this post (Fanfiction Writing Style and Stylistic Trends by ignipes, posted 04 September 2005) doesn't seem to exist on the internet anymore (yes, i did try wayback machine)
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5) no shortage of peter pettigrew meta -- though a lot of these were written pre-DH, some even pre-OOTP and pre-HBP. interesting reads, but none i felt were especially notable.
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Movie Night, Pillow Fight [Version 2]
By: SassyShoulderAngel319
Fandom/Character(s): DC/BatFam - Jason Todd/Red Hood
Rating: PG-13/T (maybe pushing M? but there’s still nothing super explicit. this is just a lot dirtier than I usually write holy cannoli. Heavy kissing, a little bit of suggestive dialogue and narration, minor swearing?)
Original Idea: This (V1 follows this idea a lot more than this one, which I spun off of about halfway through and did my own thing)
Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) I didn’t think this would be as long as Version 1. I was wrong. This one is ~200 words longer, at 3,491. Version 1 here. They start the exact same but change about halfway through. I wrote both of these two over the course of 1 day by the way, and refuse to pick a favorite. @welovegroot @jason-redhood @jason-todd-squad
^^^^^
“No, Bruce,” Jason said sharply into his phone as he grabbed his motorcycle helmet. “I’ve already told you a hundred times: Tuesdays are my day off. Unless it’s a Court-of-Owls-attacking-All-Hands-On-Deck emergency, I’m not going on patrol. I’m allowed one night off per week. And I have plans. It’s weekly movie night with a friend of mine. We’ve been doing movie night since college and I refuse to disappoint her. You know why I chose Tuesdays? Because Gotham’s crime rate is lowest. You’ll be fine without me.” He hung up before Bruce could reply.
I opened the door. “You’re late,” I said.
“Yeah. I had to go to two different stores to find your popcorn because they were out at the first one,” Jason replied, letting himself in and dropping his motorcycle helmet on my couch. “Let me go change into my sweats.” He pulled his grey sweatpants out of his backpack, two microwave popcorn bags falling out.
I grabbed them. “Thanks Jay,” I said playfully.
He gave me a brief hug before stepping past me to my bathroom. “The things I do for you,” he teased with a sigh.
“Get out of those jeans. You know they aren’t allowed,” I retorted before going over to the microwave. My bathroom door shut loudly. I boosted myself onto the counter and watched the popcorn spin in the microwave.
By the time Jason emerged from the bathroom, only one bag was done. He leaned against the counter next to me, arms folded, and joined my staring.
“So what movie did you bring?” I asked. “You said in your text it was one of your favorites.”
He beamed at me. “Well, my friend, we are watching the very first ever made Frankenstein. From nineteen-thirty-one.” He fixed me with a stare as my shoulders slouched. “Don’t you start moaning in complaint. You put me through watching that awful musical last week—”
“Excuse you, Phantom of the Opera is also a classic.”
“It’s basic.”
“You’re basic.”
“Maybe so, but after going through that ordeal, you promised we could watch one of my favorites. I managed not to fall asleep last week, so it’s my turn.” He stuck his tongue out at me, then shook his head. “I really need to refine your taste in theatre. Remind me to convince Bruce to give me his season tickets to the real opera. He never uses them anyway. Doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”
Given Bruce’s parents were shot after leaving the opera, I imagined there was some childhood trauma there. I didn’t bring it up with Jason. We didn’t talk about family besides passing comments on movie nights.
When the second bag of popcorn was finished popping and put in its own large bowl—I had quite the collection of popcorn bowls, usually given to me—we went to my room.
Ever since we’d graduated college—two years ago—we’d had movie night in my bed, rather than on the couch, like we’d done in my dorm. The bed was comfier and gave us more room to spread out. I can’t even remember who suggested it, but it was probably me one week when I was sick or something and we’d just stayed that way ever since.
I’d always hosted too. In college it was because my roommate was never there, and now Jason just liked the escape from his family. They didn’t know where I lived, so the one time he hosted and they interrupted by coming over, he and I agreed we’d just have it at my place. I liked his brothers and sister well enough, but they’d ruined that movie night. I doubted Wayne Manor movie nights ever involved any movies no one had seen before—because everyone talked and yelled at each other too much to actually pay attention to the movie.
Jason put the DVD in the player in my room. “Prepare to be wowed,” he said.
“I’m prepared, trust me,” I replied flatly.
“Heeey,” Jason’s voice said softly. “Wake up, doofus.”
I blinked my eyes open blearily. “Wha…?”
He started chuckling. “You fell asleep about halfway through.”
“Duh. It was boring. What did you expect for a casual movie fan from this century watching something from nineteen-thirty-one?”
“Well, all that means is that we get to rewatch it—from the beginning—next week!” Jason declared. I frowned. “Don’t you pout at me. Those have been the official movie night rules since our freshman year of college.”
“That’s not true,” I said, pulling out my phone. I dug deep into the Google Docs on my phone for Movie Night Rules from our freshman year of college. Six years was a long way to scroll through, but eventually I found it. I opened the doc and scanned the rules. “Oh, buzz off,” I muttered, poking Jason in the side.
“No poking!” He lurched away. Jason was selectively ticklish. Sometimes I would poke him in the side and he’d jump, other times he wouldn’t even notice I touched him. And he swapped between the two randomly.
“Why didn’t you wake me up like two minutes after I fell asleep?”
Jason pursed his lips, trying not to smile. “I thought about it. But you looked so cute—” He pinched my cheek and I was reminded of the fact that he had the personality traits of an eighty-year-old grandmother. “—with your hair all messy and your cheeks all squished that I just couldn’t.” He laughed as I batted his hand away from my face. I poked him again. “No poking!”
“Then don’t tease.”
“I have a right to tease you. Look at my shirt! You drooled all over it.”
I grabbed the hem of it and pulled it up. “Let me throw it in the wash, then.”
I expected him to smack my hand away and shove the shirt back down over his torso, but to my surprise, he helped me take it off. I’d seen him shirtless too many times to bother staring at his remarkably muscular torso. I just climbed out of my bed and went to the small closet out in the hall that held my tiny washer and dryer. I threw his shirt in the washer, dumped a bit of detergent in, and got it started before going back to my room.
“Take that off! You’ll stretch it out!” I snapped.
Jason struggled to get one of my—much smaller—T-shirts from college off. I scoffed and helped him yank it over his head before throwing one my pajama shirts at him. I wore my dad’s old T-shirts to sleep in, so it was even big on Jason. “You could have just asked for a replacement and I’d have handed you this.”
“That’s not as fun as surprising you,” he joked.
I rolled my eyes and perched back on the bed. “Fine. Next week, we rewatch Frankenstein. I won’t fall asleep. But you’re bringing snacks again.”
“Of course.”
“And don’t forget the popcorn.”
“Doofus, if I forgot the popcorn, you wouldn’t let me through the door.”
I snickered. “True enough.”
Jason leaned over to set his popcorn bowl on the bedside table closest to him. “Maybe next week we should try this on the couch. I always feel bad about getting popcorn on your sheets—and then you won’t be so comfortable that you fall asleep.”
I grabbed a pillow and whacked him in the chest. His expression turned affronted.
“Did you just initiate a pillow fight?” he demanded.
“No,” I retorted. “I got payback for you insulting me.” I whacked him again. “That was me initiating a pillow fight.” I started flinging the pillow at him again and again.
“Hey! Not fair!” Jason protested. “I’m unarmed!”
I ignored him and kept up my pillow smacking.
He laughed. “Well, if you’re going to play dirty, I will too.” He reached out as my pillow hit him again and he wrangled it from me. “A-ha! Look at that! Got your ammo. How does it feel, to be attacked by your own pillow?”
Jason started smacking me with it. I squealed and blocked him as best I could with my arms. We were both laughing as I tried to reach around him to the pillow he’d been using to brace his back against my headboard. He grabbed my wrist with one hand and hit me with the pillow using the other. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I’m not going easy on you just because you’re adorable.”
I laughed as he nearly hit me hard enough to knock me off the bed.
So, I switched tactics.
Getting inside his much longer reach was the hard part. Once I managed to duck around his arms and wrench my wrist free, I started tickling him. Tonight was a ticklish night. He squirmed away from me.
Jason yowled—and I hoped my neighbors weren’t home—in laughter. “Stop it—stop tickling!”
I didn’t. I ran my wiggling fingers up his sides and across his neck. He tried to catch my hands, but I was quick enough to evade him.
For a few moments anyway.
“No. No!” His protests didn’t work on me. “Oh you’re as bad as my brothers. Stop it—stop it.” His voice went firm, all traces of laughter gone. With one quick movement, the pillow we’d attacked each other with was discarded on the floor. He grabbed my ankles and pulled me so I was lying flat in the center of the bed.
Jason straddled my waist, trapping my lower legs with his ankles and pinning both my hands above my head on the mattress. He was breathing hard. We both were.
He smiled. “There. Not so feisty now, are you? Hands pinned above your head, lying beneath me all… helpless.” He chuckled and licked his lower lip, his smile turning both playful and wicked. “I could have… any kind of revenge I want.” He bent his elbows, lowering himself over me. My breathing grew shorter and blood roared in my ears. “I can have any…” He paused, eyes flicking from mine to where my necklace charm had fallen down one side and landed on the mattress. His eyes widened, as if he seemed to just barely realize how close we were. “This is…” His elbows straightened, pushing him higher above me. “I’m… sorry.” He started to gently pick his way off of me. “I’m gonna let you go now.”
He released his grip on my wrists. I rolled them and flexed my hands to get some feeling back into them.
He swung his leg to get off me and used it to step off the bed. “I should go,” he said breathlessly. “I’m so sorry. I’ll grab my T-shirt next week.” He strode to the door of my bedroom while I sat on the bed, dumbfounded, jaw hanging open.
As he opened the door, I bounded off the bed.
I caught him before he could reach for his stuff on my couch, grabbing his wrist. “What was that about?” I demanded. He refused to turn and look at me.
“Just… let it go,” he said, shaking his head. He tried to pull his wrist out of my hand, but I grabbed it with my other one to hold him in both.
“No! What the hell is going on with you?”
“Leave it alone,” he growled out.
“I can’t! What happened in there that made you shut down? What did I do wrong?”
He whirled. “It’s nothing to do with you. It’s me!”
“Then tell me what it is!” I shouted.
Jason grabbed me by the shoulders, wrenching out of my grip so hard my fingers ached. He spun me around and pinned me by the shoulders against my front door. A muscle worked in his jaw as he clenched it before fixing me with a crystal blue stare. “It’s just… seeing you beneath me—all flushed pink and panting, your eyes hooded and staring up at me… seeing you like that… I just felt myself fall in love with you!”
If he hadn’t pinned me against the door I probably would have fallen over from shock. My mouth definitely fell open. “Jay… I…” I breathed.
Still holding my shoulders, he spun me around so I was away from the front door and moved to shove his jeans into his backpack.
Before he could, I threw reservation to the wind.
I grabbed his shoulders, forced him to turn and face me, moved my hands to the back of his head, and pulled him down to kiss me.
Our mouths crashed together hard enough to make my front teeth ache, but I didn’t care. My heart leapt into my throat and I almost melted as his arms circled my waist, pulling me closer, so our torsos were pressed against each other. My eyelids closed as I sighed. We were both breathing hard, air from our noses warm against each other’s skin. Holding my waist in both arms, he turned and pinned my back against the door again.
“Oh, God…” Jason breathed against my lips. He kissed me again and I moaned. He reached one hand up and tangled it in my hair. He could palm the back of my skull as though it were a basketball. His fingers were warm against my scalp.
When he pulled his lips away from me, I groaned quietly in complaint.
“We—we should not be doing this,” he whispered, shaking his head. The white streak at the front of his hairline flopped back and forth with the movement. I wanted to reach my fingers up and twist that streak between them. But I didn’t.
“Why not?” I replied, just as breathless.
“We’re friends. This isn’t us.”
“You just said that you just barely fell in love with me.”
“I did. But I’m not willing to ruin the good thing we’ve had going on here for six years.” He panted, shoulders heaving up and down, as he reached up and took my hands away from his face, gently dragging them by the wrists. “You’ve been the best friend I’ve been able to keep longer than a year or two. I can’t… I can’t just… this isn’t about what I want.”
“I’m the one who kissed you,” I pointed out. “What does that say about what I want?”
“It’s not just about wants,” he said. “It’s too dangerous.”
“Us being together is dangerous? To whom?”
“To you.”
“Why would it be dangerous for me?” I pushed.
He let me go and spun away from me. He looked like he wanted to shout and rage—maybe throw something—but he just clenched his fists and panted.
When he finally turned back to face me, he’d calmed down a little. “It’s dangerous… because… I… oh, Bruce is gonna kill me…” he whispered, shaking his head again. “Because I… am… the Red Hood.”
Two big confessions in one night. I felt a little dizzy and remembered to breathe.
“Red Hood. As in… the vigilante. And… the crime boss.”
“Vigilante, yes. Crime boss days are behind me. I was newly-back-from-the-dead and not in a stable mindset when I became a crime boss.” I decided not to ask about that. He huffed and sat on my coffee table, instead of the sofa, rubbing his temples. “And I wasn’t going to tell you about it, by the way. You’re the only normal friend I have right now. But it’s too dangerous for us to be together. If any of the rogues in this city knew I had someone I cared about as much as I care about—as much as I love you… you would not survive to the end of the year.”
I crossed from the front door to the sofa and sat on the sofa cushion closest to him, setting my hand on his knee. “Jay, I… I’m willing to risk it. To be with you. We just need to be careful—”
“I’m not willing to lose you. I would have been terrified before tonight if someone worse than me caught you. Knew you were just a friend. Now, though? Now, I don’t know what I’d do if you were captured, and that scares me even more. I saw you under me in that bedroom and I saw a future that was good—for the first time in the nine years since I was resurrected—but I can’t let that be my future. For your sake.”
I bit down on my tongue to keep from shouting. But I did tighten my grip on his knee hard and snap, “Get over yourself, Todd. You’re not the only one who gets to make this decision.”
“No, but apparently I’m the only one who can see things objectively enough to make the wise decision.”
It was my turn to want to throw something. “Jason. Peter. Todd. I don’t care about the danger. And I know you do. But do you know what it’d do to me, knowing that you love me and I feel the same, but you won’t let me be yours? Do you know what it would do to you? I know what it would do to me. It would eat me up inside day in and day out. I would sit here dying for you, waiting for you to come to your senses and carry me back into that bedroom to stay in there all night. But you never would. And I would just wait. I’d never date anyone else. If I tried, all I’d be doing was wishing they were you.
“You and I are cut from the same cloth. Some people are just born to sacrifice. To give up what they want—what they need—for the sake of other people. It’s the only choice we’re ever given, so it’s the choice we make over and over and over again. Sometimes people will split others into Givers and Takers. Those of us born to sacrifice are a step beyond even Givers. We’re the ones who give up everything for others. I’ve done it with my family my entire life. Everyone else always wanted so strongly that my only option was to give up my own. You’re the same, I see it every time I see you with your brothers.
“Jason, it’s time for us to Take. It’s time to let life give us something. This is the moment to be selfish. To put aside Batman and his zealous crusade for one damn moment and let yourself be happy.” I dug my fingernails into his knee through his sweats. “Be selfish for once, Jason.”
He finally looked up at me, eyes meeting mine. “I can’t,” he said.
I clamped my mouth shut and sighed loudly through them. “Yes, you can. If you’re waiting for my consent, you’ve more than got it. I’m telling you now to give yourself consent to want. To take. Get over this hold out that a double life has on you and—mmph!”
He cut me off by slamming his lips against mine, surging off the coffee table and straddling me on the sofa. I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled me to one side, sitting on the sofa and guiding me to straddle himself. His hands were splayed over my shoulder blades. I twisted his white streak through my fingers. Our breath shuddered in and out of our lungs. I parted my lips slightly and ran the tip of my tongue over the seam of his lips.
They opened immediately and let me in. I sighed out my nose. “Please ruin our friendship,” I breathed into his lips. “This is so much better.”
He snickered out his nose, smiling. “Does your consent to let me want you include me carrying you back into that bedroom and neither of us leaving until dawn?” He nodded toward my room.
My body shivered. Not from cold. Excitement. Electricity.
“Definitely,” I said breathlessly.
His hands slid from my shoulder blades and down to my legs. He held them and stood up. I hooked my ankles around his back, locking my arms’ grip around his neck.
He carried me to my room, kicked the door shut, and laid me gently on the messed-up bedsheets and disarrayed pillows. On all fours above me, my legs around his waist, he kissed me. Gently, at first, but he quickly grew hungry. His hands worked their way under my shirt, callused palms scraping slightly against my skin.
“Still okay with this?” His voice was barely more than a hoarse whisper.
“Oh yeah,” I breathed, unable to even speak loud enough to be heard from inches away.
He smiled. Wicked delight flickering on his face. “Well, get ready for me to call you mine. Because I am all yours.”
I smiled. “I’m yours, Jason.”
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olderthannetfic · 3 years
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It's really surprising that you're so well versed in older fandoms and yet participate in new popular ones (that cdrama, kpop) is this by design? Im in my twenties and my interest turnover is already way slower than it used to be
You know, that’s a really interesting question. I wouldn’t say it’s by design exactly in that I do tend to just follow what strikes my fancy, and I can’t force myself to want to write fic for just anything. (I find it easier to like reading fic without serious involuntary emotional investment, but writing takes more. Vidding I can do on command most of the time, but I don’t usually bother unless I have a lot of feels or I’m fulfilling someone’s prompt.)
However, me getting into BTS was 100% due to me wanting to understand BTS enough to explain to people who weren’t very interested but wanted to know what was going on in fandom lately. Under normal circumstances, I run the dance party at Escapade, the oldest extant slash con. We borrowed vividcon’s thing of playing fanvids on the wall--all of them set to dance music--as the soundtrack for the dance party. This means I’m creating a 3-hour mixtape of fannishness, which has amazing potential to make people feel in the know about Fandom Today... and equal potential to make them feel alienated if nothing they care about shows up. Only about 100-150 people attend the con, so it really is possible to make a playlist that feels inclusive yet informative--it just takes a huge amount of work.
Every year, I do a lot of research on which fandoms are getting big and look for vids from vidders people won’t have heard of, so there is an element of consciously trying to keep up with things. Generally, I only get into these fandoms myself if I had no idea what they were and then suddenly, oops, they’re my kryptonite, like the buddy cop android plot in Detroit: Become Human, which sucked me in hard for like 6 months on the basis of a vid.
(So if you’re into cross-fandom meta and associated stuff as one of your fannish interests, you tend to have broader knowledge of different fandoms, old and new, than if you’re just looking for the next place you’ll read fic. It’s also easier to love vids for unfamiliar things than fic.)
But though I was only looking for a basic primer on BTS, BTS has 7 members with multiple names and no clear juggernaut pairing, not to mention that AU that runs through the music videos and lots of other context to explain. The barrier to understanding WTF was going on at all was high enough that to know enough to explain, I had to be thoroughly exposed... And once I was over that hurdle, oops, I had a fandom.
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In terms of old vs. new, here’s the thing: kpop fandoms in English and c-drama fandoms in English right now feel a lot like anime fandom in English did in the early 00s. I had a Buddy Cops of the 70s phase in the middle, but my current fannishness is actually a return to my older fannishness in many ways.
What do I mean about them being similar?
Yes, I know some wanker will show up to say I think China, Korea, and Japan are indistinguishable, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the way that I used to routinely meet Italian and French and German fans, Argentinian and Mexican, Malaysian and Indonesian and Filipino too. English-language fandom of SPN or MCU may have all those fans from all those countries, but it feels very American most of the time. English-language fandom of a non-English-language canon is more overtly about using English as a lingua franca.
It also tends to attract people who as a sideline to their fannishness are getting into language learning and translation, which are my other passion in life after fanworks fandom. (I speak only English and Spanish and a bit of Japanese, but I’ve studied German, French, Russian, Mandarin, Old English, and now Korean.)
Nerds arguing about methods of language learning and which textbooks are good and why is my jam. This is all over the place in English-language fandoms of Chinese, Japanese, and Korean media. Those fandoms also tend to be full of speakers coming from a Germanic or Romance languages background who face similar hurdles in learning these languages. (In other words, if you’re a native Japanese speaker trying to learn Korean, the parts that will be hard for you are different than if you’re an English speaker, but you’re also usually not doing fandom in English.)
There’s also an element of scarcity and difficulty of access and a communal attempt to construct a canon (in the other sense) of stuff from that country that pertains to one’s fannishness. So, for example, a primer explaining the genre of xianxia is highly relevant to being a n00b Untamed fan, but just any old thing about China is not. A c-drama adapted from a danmei webnovel is perhaps part of the new pantheon of Chinese shit we’re all getting into, but just any old drama from decades ago is probably not... unless it’s a genre precursor to something else we care about. Another aspect here is that while Stuff I Can Access As A N00b Who Doesn’t Speak The Language may be relatively scarce, there’s a vast, vast wealth of stuff that exists.
This is what it felt like to be an anime fan in the US in 2000. As translation got more commercial and more crappy series were licensed and dumped onto an already glutted market, the vibe changed. No longer were fans desperately trying to learn enough of the language to translate or spending their time cataloguing what existed or making fanworks about a show they stuck with for a bit: the overall community focus turned to an endless race of consumption to keep up with all of the latest releases. That’s a perfectly valid way of being fannish, but if I wanted that, I’d binge US television 24/7.
Anime fandom got bigger, but what I liked about anime fandom in English died, and I moved on. (Okay, I first moved on to Onmyouji, which is a live action Japanese thing, but still.)
Hardcore weeaboos and now fans of Chinese and Korean stuff don’t stop at language: people get excited about cooking, my other other great passion. Times a thousand if the canon is something like The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, which is full of loving shots of food preparation. People get excited about history! Mandarin and Japanese may share almost nothing in terms of grammar or phonology, but all of East Asia has influence from specific Chinese power centers historically, and there are commonalities to historical architecture and clothing that I love.
I fell out of love with the popular anime art styles as they changed, and I’m not that into animation in general these days. (I still own a shitton of manga in art styles I like, like Okano Reiko’s Onmyouji series.) I’ve become a filmmaker over the last decade, and I’m very excited about beautiful cinematography and editing. With one thing and another, I’m probably not going to get back into anime fandom, but it’s lovely to revisit the cultural aspects I enjoyed about it via live-action media.
BTS surprised me too, to be honest. I really dislike that early 90s R&B ballad style that infests idol music (not just Korean--believe me, I resisted many rounds of “But Johnny’s Entertainment though!” back in the day). While I like some of the dance pop, I just don’t care. But OH NO, BTS turn out to be massive conscious hip hop fanboys, and their music sounds different. I have some tl;dr about my reactions in the meta I wrote about one of my fanvids, which you can find on Dreamwidth here.
--
But back to your comment about turnover: I know fans from the 70s who’ve had one great fannish love and that’s it and more who were like that but eventually moved on to a second or third. They’re... really fannishly monogamous in a way I find hard to comprehend. It was the norm long ago, but even by the 90s when far more people were getting into fandom, it was seen as a little weird. By now, with exponentially more people in fandom, it’s almost unheard of. I think those fans still exist, even as new people joining, but we don’t notice them. They were always rare, but in the past, only people like that had the stamina to get over the barriers to entry and actually become the people who made zines or were willing to be visibly into fanfic in eras when that was seen as really weird. On top of that, there’s an element of me, us, judging the past by what’s left: only people with an intense and often single passion are visible because other people either drifted away or have seamlessly disappeared into some modern fandom. They don’t say they’re 80 or 60 or 40 instead of 20, so nobody knows.
In general, I’m a small fandoms and rare ships person. My brain will do its best to thwart me by liking whatever has no fic even in a big fic fandom... (Except BTS because there is literally fic for any combination of them, like even more than for the likes of MCU. Wow. Best fandom evar!) So I have an incentive to not get complacent and just stick with one fandom because I would very soon have no ability to be in fandom at all.
My appetite for Consuming All The Things has slowed way down, but it also goes in waves, and a lot of what I’m consuming is what I did back in 2000: journal articles and the limited range of English-language books on the history of m/m sex and romance in East Asia. It’s not so much that I have a million fandoms as that I’m watching a few shows as an expression of my interest in East Asian costume dramas and East Asian history generally.
I do like to sit with one thing and experience it deeply rather than moving on quickly, but the surface expression of this has changed depending on whether I’m more into writing fic or more into doing research or something else.
But yes, I do do a certain amount of trying to stay current, often as a part of research for fandom meta or to help other people know what’s going on. Having a sense of what’s big doesn’t automatically mean getting into all those things, but I think some fans who are older-in-fandom and/or older-in-years stop being open to even hearing what’s new. And if you’ve never heard of it, you’ll never know if you might have liked it.
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just-the-hiddles · 3 years
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Writer’s Spotlight | Angrythingstarlight
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Happy Writer’s Wednesday!  I am here to spotlight another amazing fandom fanfic writer!  This week is my friend @angrythingstarlight​  Super talented and amazing. Let’s go!
The Basics
Any other names you want people to call you?
Starlight (its better than the random name I let tumblr pick for me)
How long have you been writing fic?
About 8 months now, I wrote a lot of poetry before this.
What fandoms and/ships do you write?
RPF (Henry Cavill and Chris Evans), MCU (Steve, Bucky and Stucky only), Andy Barber, Sherlock, Clark Kent and August Walker
How did you get started writing fic?
I joined Tumbler in April 2020 to read more fics, I stumbled across this site by accident. I only planned on reading/lurking but I had an idea for a story that was purely self indulgent,  I took the leap and wrote it. One story turned into two and snowballed from there.
Story Recommendations
Which of your stories are your favorite?
Ride me Sweetheart, Get Comfy, Nimble Fingers, You're My Heaven, Love Down Soft and Sweet, Pull It Harder and Golden Boy
Which story are you most proud of?
Golden Boy Its a dark Steve story that took on a life of its own.
Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?
I'm honestly surprised anyone reads my stuff so I don't think anything is underrated.
Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first? 
I would start with my newer fics and go from there. My Jan mini list has stories that I enjoy and my newer Bucky stories are some of my favorites. 
Which Story did you do the most research for?
Light of My Life which is a dark Bucky story based on The Shining.
Which Story was the easiest to write? 
Get Comfy and Nimble Fingers equally. I wrote those so fast, everything flowed out perfectly.
The Writing Process
What is your favorite part of writing?
When an idea comes to me and I can simply write, I try to plan stuff but I write better when inspired.
What is your least favorite part?
Editing and discovering multiple errors after people have already read the story.
Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.
Its chaotic. I don't think I can say I have a specific style.
Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?
@sapphirescrolls​, @jtargaryen18​, @littlefreya​, @imanuglywombat​
What programs do you use to write and/or edit?
Prowritingaid
Are you a plotter or a pantser?
Pantser
Do you write RPF or not?
Yes.
Who is your favorite character to write and why?
Bucky Barnes because there are so many paths you can take his character. He has so many layers and he can be the Winter Soldier, Beefy!Bucky etc. I love the character, I love what I can do with him. Most of fics centered around him are self indulgent.  A close second is Andy Barber because he is my dream husband.
What do you think are your writing strengths?
I have been told that my dialogue is good. I like creating tension and being descriptive, I hope that with my more serious fics that people are able to see what I'm describing.
What do you struggle with?
Dirty talk and ending a story.
Favorite Trope?
There was only one bed combined with huddling for warmth.
Favorite word to use?
Salacious ( I dont use it enough)
What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?
I was told the following: write for yourself and not everything you're going to write is going to be good. And that's okay because either you like what you did and/or you learn how to improve.
What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?
Don't let the number of notes influence your work, write for yourself.  Have fun and the second this becomes a chore, or you feel like you have to write, take a break . Rediscover your love of fanfiction by reading, re watch that movie or show. Don't feel like you have to put something out for the sake of it. 
 Reach out to other writers, we all love talking to each other and will gladly welcome you to the fandom.  
What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?
The most popular ice cream flavors in the 1940s.
What is your favorite random detail from one of your stories?
Bucky loves to collect things and will take you for a ride anywhere you want to go.
Any goals or WIPs you want to share?
I have a mafia series that I hope to have started by the time this is published. I will be putting out a Feb Mini Masterlist with new writing goals. So far, I managed to meet a lot of my Jan. ones.
This or That
Fluff or Angst
Neither Smut or Fluff
Reader Insert or OC
One Shot or Series
Canon Divergent or AU
Pepsi or Coke (Cherry Pepsi)
Coffee or Tea
Sweet AND Savory
Anything else you want to say or share?
Thank you to everyone who has read my stories. That means more to me than you know. Thank you to everyone who has followed me and I'm sorry for the mass posts that bombard you everyday. This community has gotten me through some rough times and I appreciate every single one of you.
Until next time, toodles!
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lotusthekat · 3 years
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Be Wherever (Whoever) You Are
Fandom: Steven Universe
Rating: G
Relationships: Lars & Rose Quartz, Lars & Steven
Characters: Lars Barriga, Rose Quartz (Pink Diamond), Martha Barriga, Dante Barriga, Steven Quartz Universe; other characters are only mentioned
Summary: “Hm… I don’t think that’s a problem,” the pink-haired lady tells him. “You can always change your name whenever you feel like it.”
The boy looks up, meeting her shining black eyes. “I can?”
Rose grins at him. “You’re always growing and changing… and I think your name is the perfect way to show that, even if no one gets it. It’s what makes you happy. Isn’t that so?”
He’s quiet for maybe a minute, thinking about what she said.
“Yeah… you’re right,” he says, finally.
“So,” Rose speaks up again. “what’s your name?”
--
At the age of four, Laramie is already pretty lost. That changes when he finds a really beautiful garden one day.
Word count: 2.000
AO3
A/N: I remember way back then when people had the idea of Lars meeting Rose before the events of the show, and although this might contradict canon, I’m all for this concept!
I do hope I wrote Rose well, and I’m still getting in the hang of writing child characters, lmao... well, enjoy anyway!
TRIGGER WARNINGS - implied character death and bullying
--
Laramie doesn’t like school.
If anything, he’s sure most kids don’t… but his reason isn’t the same as theirs. As far as he’s concerned, they’re not left alone like he is during recess. Or even during class.
Laramie is only four – almost five – and he’s got a corner of his own, near the small woods. The teachers say he’s not allowed, but honestly, they don’t seem to care when he goes there.
That’s how it is. They don’t care about him. His classmates never invite him to join them, and when he does try, they avoid him like the plague. Like he’s got some dirt on his face or something. Or maybe his face is the dirt they don’t like.
And well, that’s how he ended up here. In the woods. They’re not scary like his teachers say; they’re really small. Harmless. It doesn’t take that long for him to find another way out in the opposite direction.
What he finds, though… is a place he’s never seen before.
It’s a huge garden with pink flowers blooming. This place looks so… dreamy. Like some kind of paradise. It’s very pretty.
Laramie is careful with the flowers as he walks in. Is this what his teachers have been hiding? Or have they never thought of going in there, judging only by the woods behind him? Because that’d be dumb.
The boy looks down, the flowers staring back. Laramie looks around, wondering if this garden belongs to anyone… but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s here, and there isn’t a house nearby. So, he sits down, and for some reason that feels really good. This does feel like paradise.
This might be his new little corner. It’s so far from everything, from school, his teachers, the other kids… it’s perfect.
Laramie smiles for maybe the first time in a while (“now Laramie, you should smile more!” He remembers his teacher say, much to his internal annoyance). He doesn’t care about anything at all right now.
… well, before he hears someone coming.
“I see you like my garden.”
Laramie shrieks, turning around and finding… the tallest woman he’s seen. She’s got pink hair, huge curls falling on her shoulders. She’s wearing a long white dress with a star shape in her belly.
“S-Sorry! I didn’t know anyone owned it!” Laramie blurts out. She doesn’t seem annoyed, though.
“It’s okay,” she laughs silently, “it’s nice to have some company.”
Her voice is so… soft. You’d think his mother was sweet like candy, well, this woman manages to beat his own mom in that.
The woman sits next to him, though not that close, which he likes. Laramie just isn’t good at talking to people, least of all a woman so nice and pretty… her presence is as relaxing as the flowery ground under him.
Laramie can’t really help staring. He knows it isn’t polite, but there’s something about her… something different.
When she looks at him back, though, Laramie looks away the fastest he can. He can tell she’s smiling, anyway.
“Where are you from?” She asks.
“O-Oh, um. I’m from… here. I-I mean, Beach City.” Laramie wants to punch himself, stupid, stupid. “And you?”
The woman hums. “I’ve come from very far… far away from this place.”
“How did you get here?”
“Oh, that’s a very long story,” she responds, her smile… falling a little. She soon recovers, “What matters, though… is that I’m here now. I’m home.”
Laramie nods and doesn’t ask about it anymore.
“How did you get your flowers to grow?” He wonders instead.
“What if I told you it’s magic?”
Laramie raises an eyebrow. “Really?”
She nods with a smile. “Would you like to see it?”
“Uh, yeah?” He says like it’s obvious, but not in a rude way, he hopes. She seems to like it, anyway.
She picks up what seems like a bunch of leaves and kisses them, sparkles coming out. Right then, Laramie gasps at the pink flower in her hands.
“Woah! How’d you do that?”
“Magic,” she repeats, amused.
“Cooool…”
She gives him the flower and he admires it. It is different from other flowers, though. In the center of the petals, there’s…
“… a gem?”
The woman hums. “It’s unlike what you’ve seen before, isn’t it?”
“Yeah…”
“Did you know, I’m still inspired by all the other flowers you’ve got in your home. They’re why I’ve created this place.” She smiles both at the flower and the young boy. “You have a very beautiful home.”
Laramie holds it like it’s a treasure, worth so much that not even money can count. When he looks at the woman again, he does notice the… pink stone in her belly, too.
“What’s that?” He points at it. “Is that where your magic comes from?”
“Yes.” She touches her own belly lovingly. He looks at it, too.
“Wait…” he jumps away in alarm. “Is it moving?!”
The woman laughs. “That’s actually my son!”
“Oh.” Laramie blushes. He scoots closer again. “You’re having a kid?”
“Mm-hmm. He’ll come very soon.”
“That’s, uh, neat.”
She looks at her own belly like she loves her child so much, even before he’s really there. “I can’t wait for him to be born. For him to explore and fall in love with this world like I did…” she speaks, “and for him to make friends with someone as sweet as you.”
“W-What?” Laramie stutters. “Y-You really… mean that?”
She nods again. The woman isn’t messing with him. Every word she says is honest and comes from her heart. Besides his parents, she’s… the only person who’s ever enjoyed being around him.
“Hey, uh… what’s your name?” Laramie asks, realizing he hasn’t before.
“You can call me Rose,” she says. “And what is yours?”
His joy disappears in a second, and he looks away, so she doesn’t see his frown.
“What’s wrong?” Rose wonders, concerned.
Laramie doesn’t really like talking about it. Not even with Mom and Dad… but even if he’s just met Rose, she’s been nothing but nice with him. It’s really the least he could do.
“I don’t… really like my name,” he admits. “It doesn’t feel right.” He scoffs at himself, “Ugh, I know, it doesn’t make sense.”
“Oh, no, I understand what you mean,” she reassures him. “It doesn’t fit you, right?”
“Yeah.” He sighs, looking at the flower, its petals moving with the breeze. “I can’t really be myself, so I just hide from everyone… but I want to go out there and be me, y’know? And I’m not gonna do that with a name as lame as mine!” He exclaims.
Rose doesn’t interrupt him at all. She listens all the way through, and she knows he has more to say.
“I wish I could change it… but no one would get it,” the boy complains. “No one really gets me, anyway,” he mutters in his breath.
“Hm… I don’t think that’s a problem,” the pink-haired lady tells him. “You can always change your name whenever you feel like it.”
The boy looks up, meeting her shining black eyes. “I can?”
Rose grins at him. “You’re always growing and changing… and I think your name is the perfect way to show that, even if no one gets it. It’s what makes you happy. Isn’t that so?”
He’s quiet for maybe a minute, thinking about what she said.
“Yeah… you’re right,” he says, finally.
“So,” Rose speaks up again. “what’s your name?”
It’s a simple question, but Laramie gets what she means.
He’s never had the gut to really say the answer… but now, now might be just the time he stopped being a coward and dealt with it.
Laramie opens his mouth.
--
“… ‘Lars’?”
“Yeah, it’s my name now! You can call me Lars from now on!” The boy claims, his stance firm and tough.
Mom and Dad stare at him like he’s hit his head hard and forgot everything. Then his mother giggles affectionately.
“Oh, Laramie, you’re so creative,” she says. “What a great nickname!”
“It’s not a nickname, mom!” Lars protests. “Like, I know you guys have other names, but you want me to call you Mom and Dad. So, I want you to call me Lars!”
“Right, son. Whatever makes you happy,” his dad tells him. Lars can tell he finds it cute, too, which is the opposite of what the boy really wants.
“Now, go take a shower, sweetie,” Mom says. “You seem like you had a pretty big adventure today.”
“Yes, mom,” the boy answers with a sigh, walking to the stairs.
“And please do your homework when you’re done, Laramie!” Dad says from afar.
“It’s Lars, dad!” Lars yells back, quickly rushing to the bathroom.
Yeah, he should’ve expected that. Of course his parents wouldn’t get it… But Lars is a pretty cool name, though.
The boy takes the pink flower from his pocket and puts it on the sink, smiling at it before he gets in the shower.
--
He doesn’t know why he’s got into this.
Steven wants to take him and Sadie on a vacation, because sure. Why not?
So, they’re inside Steven’s house, which is pretty big. Inside there’s a pretty stony place, probably because of that giant statue. There’s also a platform guarding a big door in there.
“You’ve got a nice house, Steven,” Sadie compliments.
“Thank you,” Steven grins. “Now come on, the warp pad is this way! Get ready to have your jaws dropped!”
Lars sighs, staying behind while Sadie and Steven go ahead. He does look around. If you take away that warp thing and the statue, it’s a pretty standard beach house. It does seem like Steven doesn’t have a bedroom of his own, though…
Once Lars takes a glimpse behind him, he’s… stunned, to say the least.
It’s a pretty big painting on the wall, just above the front door. It’s a portrait of a beautiful pink-haired woman, whose eyes are closed. Her hair and dress flow like she’s floating in clouds, fully at peace.
Lars doesn’t know why, but something about her is…
“Hey, Lars, you coming?”
Steven’s loud voice takes him off guard, and Lars tries his best to disguise the feeling, “Uh, yeah, sure. Whatever.”
“Oh, that’s my mom,” Steven tells him, knowing very well he’d been staring at the painting like a creep. “She’s pretty, right?”
“Your mom?” Lars repeats.
He tries to suppress the shame from when he’d insulted Steven’s mother not too long ago. It really seemed like a tough topic to the kid, and while Lars hasn’t verbally apologized, he’s been thoughtful of not disrespecting Steven’s mom again. Lars didn’t know her, after all.
Either way, she does look… divine in that portrait. He remembers Steven saying that she saw beauty in everything, and even in the painting you can probably see that.
It’s… he doesn’t know how to word that. Lars can say, though, that the painting awes him.
“Come on, Lars! We have a vacation to get to!” Steven pulls him out of his thoughts.
The older boy sighs exasperatedly. Lars doesn’t have a choice now, does he?
For once, he follows Steven in that weird “warp pad”, really not sure how the hell they’d get anywhere. But sure, he’ll let Steven do his thing.
Lars does take one last look at the painting, before the three of them are gone in thin air.
--
After that day, he went back to visit Rose.
But she wasn’t there.
He went there the day after that, and she was still nowhere to be seen. And every other day after that.
He could only wonder where she was. Maybe she travelled? Or moved away from Beach City?
The garden stayed the same, but Lars never saw the woman again. He didn’t even have the chance to really say goodbye to her… or thank her at all.
Regardless, the flowers stayed. In a way, Lars could feel her presence there with him.
The garden became a little home of his own.
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youngclaire · 3 years
Text
One Last Final Goodbye
I rewrote sending Claire back through the stones at the end of book 2 but from Jamie's POV. I thought it would be a nice way to ease myself into writing these two. This is very book compliant, I actually bad the book open next to me whilst I wrote this in order to translate it from Claire's POV to Jamie's and it was a lot of fun. It's not a copy of the fuller chapter, it's been shortened down in places but the essence is there. I've also removed bits and pieces. Uhh yeah...all dialogue in this belongs to Diana and the book I'm just responsible for remixing the words. Anyway, I hope whoever bothers to read this likes it :)
(This is also my first fic in this fandom with these two so don't expect it to be perfect, it probably isn't)
- - -
He wouldn’t stop for anything; not food, water, or rest. He keeps the horse at a constant gallop at all times, scared that if he paused or hesitated for even a moment he would lose all courage and go neither back or forward.
I shall see my wife safe, is a mantra that keeps him riding. If he is to die tonight or on the battlefield tomorrow, he would not take her down with him; not her or the innocent being she carries inside her.
The stones come into view just above him. A cursed salvation of granite and Jamie tries not to see them, his gaze fixated forward. Behind him, Claire lets her displeasure be known, protesting against the idea. Jamie steels himself against them, clenches his jaw and gallops harder, fighting the urge to give in. This was the only way to see her safe and unharmed, he tells himself.
She protests still, even while he urges her up to the ruined cottage. She doesn’t realise he has no intention of parting with her right now, he just wants time to breathe, to think, to let the panic and worry abate. He sinks to the ground, his body cold and his mind racing.
“It’s alright,” he thinks he hear himself say. “We have a bit of time now; no one will find us here.” He shivers, though from the cold, and wraps his plaid around him.
God, he could still see it; Dougal’s lifeless eyes, the blood pooling out of him, the shock on Willie Coulter’s face. How long before everyone knew? How long before everyone found out he had committed familicide?
Jamie’s head falls forward onto his knees, a tiredness washing over him, fatigue clutching at his bones and eyelids. Tired as he was he could not sleep for fear of the images in his mind’s eye.
His breath comes out in ragged pants and he can barely stand the sound of it. He feels Claire’s warmth and presence beside him, uses it as something to anchor himself to.
What happened in that room and who knows wasn’t the priority, while Claire had yet to explicitly say so Jamie’s fate waited for him on Culloden Moor. Tomorrow he will die and all this will cease to matter. Claire will be safe.
His breathing eases back into its natural rhythm, the panic wilting away from the edges. He’ll take hold of Death’s hand, gladly accept his destiny knowing he did one thing right at last.
“I won’t go, Jamie,” she says, as if she’s read his thoughts. “I’m staying with you.”
Jamie shakes his head. She couldn’t persuade him, he couldn’t change his mind. He needed to do this.
“No,” he says. The firmness bites at him, makes him wince. He hopes she can hear the gentleness that lies beneath it. “I must go back, Claire.”
“You can’t,” she cries. “Jamie, they will have found Dougal by now! Willie Coulter will have told someone.”
Aye, that was a fact he had resigned himself to, a fact she must resign herself too as well. He grieved for Dougal, for the second father he had, but Jamie had done what he’d done- he would take whatever consequence waited for him behind that door. She talks of fleeing to France but it’s no use, he’s chosen his fate, set his heart and mind to it, accepted it. A traitor twice over, a rebel, a murderer…The English will hunt Prince Charles. The English and the clans will hunt Jamie. He was dead either way.
“Claire, I am a dead man.”
He watches the tears freeze on her cheeks. “No,” she says but the effect is lost, she knows he speaks the truth.
“I wouldna get very far anyway.” On its own accord, his hand runs through his red hair that makes him a beacon at all times. Not exactly inconspicuous. “I can save you, Claire,” With his other hand he brushes away the tears that continue to fall. “and I will. That is the most important thing.”
Then he will go back. If he finds he cannot do it for himself then he will find it in him to do so for his men.
“I think I can get them away,” he says thinking the plan through. “Even if it’s known what I’ve done, none will stop me wi’ the English in sight and the battle about to begin.” The plan visualises in his mind and he nods to himself. “I will bring them safely away and set them on the road toward Lallybroch.��
“And then?”
Well…wasn’t that obvious?
“And then I will turn back to Culloden.”
He lets out a breath, strong and final as his decision. He catches Claire’s worried look and gives her a smile.
“I’m no afraid to die, Sassenach,” he says, but then he thinks of that door, black and foreboding, the unknown behind it. “Well…not a lot, anyway.”
He hears a sound a human being should never be able to make as arms fling around him. He finds himself surrounded by Claire, caught in her tight embrace as the scent of her overwhelms him. He clutches her back, trying with all his might not to succumb and cry.
“It’s all right, Sassenach,” he says into her hair as she cries once more. “A musket ball. Maybe a blade. It will be over quickly.” A lie, they both know it, but Jamie will them both to believe it. He’s seen men die in battle, knows how horrifically slow it can be but it was better than waiting for the hangman’s noose, that would be the one thing that does not lie behind that door.
“I’m going with you.”
Lost in thought he barely registers it but when he does he reels at the notion, startling backwards.
“The hell you are!” He has a plan, damnit, and not even Claire will deter him from it.
She displays her argument but he will not listen to it, will not give it thought.
“No!” he says. “No, Claire!”
How could she suggest such a thing, knowing what they both knew? How could she be so selfish?
“If you’re not afraid, I’m not either. It will…be over quickly. You said so.”
You said so. What he said was a lie, did she not see that? A lie to comfort them both.
“Jamie- I won’t…I can’t…I bloody won’t live without you, that’s all!”
He had a thousand things to say and none at all. His mouth opens and closes before he shakes his head. Through the gaps in the ceiling he can see daylight dwindling, night approaching. The sky is painted red. Blood of a battlefield, blood of childbirth.
He reaches toward her, pulling her close. He knows where this fight comes from, if the tables were turned he would say the same thing, knows because he feels it too.
“D’ye think I don’t know?” His voice is soft, a whisper. “It’s me that has the easy part now. For if ye feel for me as I do for you- then I am asking you to tear your heart out and live without it.”
She lets out a whimper, clutching him closer. He fingers stroke her hair, whispering soft coos towards her.
“But you must do it,” he finally says, feeling his stomach twist and turn. “Ye must.”
“Why?” She is angry, considerably so. Confused and hurting. “When you took me from the witch trial at Cranesmuir- you said then you would have died with me, you would have gone to the stake with me had it come to that!”
He had said all that, and to this day, it remains true. He’d have rather died than to be parted with her.
“Aye, I would,” he says. “But I wasna carrying your child.”
The reason he is allowing them to part.
She is surprised, shocked, frozen in place as she looks up at him in bewilderment.
“You can’t tell,” she says at last, shaking her head. “It’s much too early.”
It makes him smile, brings amusement to him.
“You havena been a day late in your courses, in all the time since ye first book me to your bed. Ye havena bled now in forty-six days.”
She hurls insults at him, shocked he even managed to keep track of such a thing during a war but he had for hope they would have a second chance at raising a child and for fear that it would end like this.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” she tells him, rattling off reasons for why she might not have bled. It’s no use, she forgets he’s seen her so before, studied all the tell-tale signs of her body changing, committed them to memory.
“Claire…” His voice is quiet, not sounding like him. “Tomorrow I will die. This child…is all that will be left of me- ever.” He reaches for her hands, needing some part of her to hold. He casts his gaze to their joined hands, running his thumb over her fingers. “Claire, I beg you, see it safe.”
He keeps his eyes downcast while he waits for her answer, scared she’ll say yes, scared she’ll say no. The silence feels long and he shuts his eyes against the twisting of his stomach.
Finally her answer comes.
“Yes.” A whisper in the darkening cottage. “Yes. I’ll go.”
He nods, swallowing back the lump in his throat, hearing the sound of a flower stem snap.
.:.:.:.:.:.:.
After telling her to sleep, she doesn’t sleep himself. Time seemed wasted on that and they didn’t have much of it left anymore. In a few hours he will take her to the fairy hill and part with her forever.
He wanted to rage at the unfairness of it all. To brandish his sword and yell and scream and cry but he knew there was no point to it. He knew that what he had been handed was more than fair, that not many men live the life he’s led and are allowed to be rewarded in such a way.
Lord, ye gave me a rare woman, he had said to her, quoting what he would say to God when he met him. God! I loved her well. He had, he could really say that. He took this woman, in all her unbated strangeness, into his broken hands and within her found company and peace, a place to call home.
She loved me well, too, he adds, watching her sleep for the last time. Content and safe, here in his arms and their fortress of cloth. He had healed him with her touch and love and perseverance. Picked a broken man off the floor and carried him through towards the light at the end of the tunnel no matter the setbacks. She really was a rare woman, his sassenach.
He wraps his arms tighter around her, murmurs a quick thank you in Gaelic to God and to the fairies for dropping her into his life.
Pressed against her, safe in their fortress of clothes, her skin warming his bones, his eyelids grow heavy and he succumbs to sleep as the first inklings of tomorrow break across the sky.
.:.:.:.:.:.
She was gone.
Disappeared in the same manner in which she had appeared. Gone through the stones and back to Frank.
Jamie presses his hand against the stone. The hard granite presses back on his wound, her mark, the letter C, reminding him it was real, she was real.
Her arisaid lies on the grass, forgotten in their haste to love each other one last time. Jamie picks it up, bringing it to his nose, inhaling her scent still lingering on the tartan. Tears fall on their own accord as he prays she made it back, prays that she and the bairn are safe.
A cannon in the distance booms, startling the birds and startling him. It’s beginning.
He is hesitant to move, to leave the place of their last coupling, his last connections to her.
Yet destiny waits for him on Culloden Moor, along with his men. He pictures the thirty men waiting for their laird.
There is nothing he can do for Claire now but there is something he can do for his men.
He kisses the inside of his fingers, presses it to the stone and bids his soulmate one last final goodbye.
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lilydalexf · 4 years
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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.
Interview with Syntax6
Syntax6 has 17 stories at Gossamer, but you should visit her website for the complete collection of her fics and to see the cover art that comes with many of the stories (and to find her pro writing!). She's written some of the most beloved casefiles in the fandom. I've recced literally all of them here before. Twice. Big thanks to Syntax6 for doing this interview.
Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?
I’m delighted but not surprised because I’ve written and read fanfic for shows even older than XF. Also, I joined the XF fandom relatively late, at the end of 1999, so there were already hundreds of “classic” fics out there, stories that were theoretically superseded or dated by canon developments that came after them, but which nonetheless remained compelling in their own right. That is the beauty of fanfic: it is inspired by its original creators but not bound by them. It’s a world of “what if” and each story gets to run in a new direction, irrespective of the canon and all the other stories spinning off in their own universes. In this way, fanfic becomes almost timeless.
What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?
(I feel these are similar, at least for me, so I will combine them here.)
First and foremost, I found friends. There was a table full of XF fanfic writers at my wedding. Bugs was my maid of honor. I still talk to someone from XF fandom pretty much every day. Lysandra, Maybe Amanda, Michelle Kiefer, bugs…these are just some of the people who’ve been part of my life for half my existence now. Sometimes I get to have dinner with Audrey Roget or Anjou or MCA. Deb Wells and Sarah Ellen Parsons are part of my pro fic beta team. I have a similar list from the Hunter fandom, terrific people who have enriched my life in numerous ways and I am honored to count as friends.
Second, I learned a lot about writing during my years in XF fandom. I grew up there. Part of this growth experience was simply due to practice. I wrote about 1.2 million words of XF fanfic, which is the equivalent of 15 novels. I made mistakes and learned from them. But another essential part of learning is absorbing different kinds of well-told tales, and XF had these in spades. Some stories were funny. Others were lyrical. Some were short pieces with nary a word wasted while others were sprawling epics that took you on an adventure. The neat thing about XF is that it has space for many different kinds of stories, from hard-core sci-fi to historical romance. You can watch other authors executing these varied pieces and learn from them. You can form critique groups and ask for betas and get direct feedback on how to improve. It’s collaborative and fun, and this can’t be underestimated, generally supportive. The underlying shared love of the original product means that everyone comes into your work predisposed to enjoy it. I am grateful for all the encouragement and the critiques I received over my years in fandom.
Finally, I think a valuable lesson for writers that you can find in fandom, but not in your local author critique group, is how to handle yourself when your work goes public. Not everyone is going to like your work and they will make sure you know it. Some people will like it maybe too much, to the point where they cross boundaries. Learning to disengage yourself from public reaction to your work is a difficult but crucial aspect of being a writer. You control the story. You can’t control reaction to it. It’s frustrating at first, perhaps, but in the end, it’s freeing.
Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?
I participated in ATXC, the Haven message boards, and the Scullyfic mailing list/news group. For a number of years, I also ran a fic discussion group with bugs called The Why Incision.
What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?
I started reading XF fanfic before I began watching the show. I had watched one season two episode (Soft Light) and then seen bits and pieces of a few others from season four. I’d seen Fight the Future. Basically, I’d seen enough to know which one was Mulder and which one was Scully, and which one believed in aliens. An acquaintance linked me to a rec site for XF fanfic (Gertie’s, maybe?) so that I could see how fic was formatted for the web. I clicked a fic, I think it was one by Lydia Bower dealing with Scully’s cancer arc, and basically did not stop reading. Soon I was printing off 300K of fic to take home with me each night. I could not believe the level of talent in the fandom, and that there were so many excellent writers just giving away their works for free. I wanted to play in this sandbox, too, so I started renting the VHS tapes to catch up on old episodes (see, I am An Old). After a few months, I began writing my own stuff.
What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?
I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to The X-Files. I’m not a sci-fi person by nature. I think my main objection is that, when done poorly, it feels lazy to me. Who did the thing? A ghost! Maybe an alien? I guess we’ll never know. You can always just shrug and play some spooky music and the “truth will always be out there…” somewhere beyond the story in front of you. You never have to commit to any kind of truth because you can invent some magical power or new kind of alien to change the story. I think, by the bitter end, the XF had devolved into this kind of storytelling. The mytharc made no kind of sense even in its own universe. But for years the XF achieved the best aspects of sci-fi storytelling—narrative flexibility and an apotheosis of our current fears dressed up as a super entertaining yarn.
What eventually sold me on the XF as a show is all of the smart storytelling and the sheer amount of ideas contained within its run. At its best, it’s a brilliant show. You have mediations on good versus evil, the role of government in a free society, is there a God, are we alone in the universe, and what are the elements that make us who we are? If Mulder and Morris Fletcher switch bodies, how do we know it’s really “them”? The tonal shifts from week to week were clever and engaging. For Vince Gilligan, truth was always found in fellow human beings. For Darin Morgan, humans were the biggest monster of all. The show was big enough to contain both these premises, and indeed, was stronger for it. The deep questions, the character quirks, the unsolved mysteries and all that went unsaid in the Mulder-Scully relationship left so much room for fanfic writers to do their own work. As such, the fandom attracted and continues to attract both dabbling writers and those who are serious craftspeople. People who like the mystery and those who like the sci-fi angle. Scientists and true believers. Like the show, it’s big enough for all.
What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?
I look at it like an old friend I catch up with once in a while. We’ve been close for so long that there’s no awkwardness—we just get each other! I love seeing people post screen shots and commentary, and I think it’s wonderful that so many writers are still inventing new adventures for Mulder and Scully. That is how the characters live on, and indeed how any of us lives on, through the stories that others tell about us.
Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?
I ran the Hunter fandom for about five years, mostly because when I poked my head back in, I found the person in change was a bully who’d shut down everything due to her own waning interest. A person would try to start a topic for discussion, and she’d say, “We’ve already covered that.” Well, yes, in a 30-year-old show, there’s not a lot of new ground…
Most other shows, Hunter included, have smaller fandoms and thus don’t attract the depth of fan talent. I don’t just mean fanfic writers. I mean those who do visual art, fan vids, critiques, etc. The XF fandom has all these in droves, which makes it a rare and special place. But all fandoms have the particular joy of geeking out over favorite scenes and reveling in the meeting of shared minds. It will always look odd to those not contained within it, which brings me to the part of modern fandom I find somewhat uncomfortable…the creators are often in fan-space.
In Hunter, the female lead joins fan groups and participates. This is more common now in the age of social media, where writers, producers, actors, etc., are on the same platforms as the rest of us. Fan and creator interaction used to be highly circumscribed: fans wrote letters and maybe received a signed headshot in return. There were cons where show runners gave panels and took questions from the audience. You could stand in line to meet your favorite star. Now, you can @ your favorite star on Twitter, message her on Facebook or follow him on Instagram. In some ways, this is so fun! In other ways, it blurs in the lines in ways that make me uncomfortable. I think it’s rude, for example, if a fan were to go on a star’s social media and post fanfic there or say, “I thought the episode you wrote was terrible.” But what if it’s fan space and the actor is sitting right there, watching you? Is it rude to post fanfic in front of her, especially if she says it makes her uncomfortable? Is it mean to tell a writer his episode sucked right to his face?
Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?
I own the first seven seasons on DVD and will pull them out from time to time to rewatch old faves. I’ve shown a few episodes over the spring and summer to my ten-year-old daughter, and it’s been fun to see the series through her eyes. We’ve mostly opted for the comedic episodes because there’s enough going on in the real world to give her nightmares. Her favorite so far is Je Souhaite.
Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?
I don’t have much bandwidth to read fanfic these days. My job as a mystery/thriller author means I have to keep up with the market so I do most of my reading there right now. I also beta read for some pro-fic friends and betaing a novel will keep you busy.
Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?
I read so much back in the day that this answer could go on for pages. Alas, it also hasn’t changed much over the past fifteen years because I haven’t read much since then. But, as we’re talking Golden Oldies today, here are a bunch:
All the Mulders, by Alloway I find this short story both hilarious and haunting. Scully embraces her power in the upside down post-apocalyptic world.
Strangers and the Strange Dead, by Kipler Taut prose and an intriguing 3rd party POV make this story a winner, and that’s before the kicker of an ending, which presaged 1013’s.
Cellphone, by Marasmus Talk about your killer twists! Also one of the cleverest titles coming or going.
Arizona Highways, by Fialka I think this is one of the best-crafted stories to come out of the XF. It’s majestic in scope, full of complex literary structure and theme, and yet the plot moves like a runaway freight train. Both the Mulder and Scully characterizations are handled with tender care.
So, We Kissed, by Alelou What I love about this one is how it grounds Mulder and Scully in the ordinary. Mulder’s terrible secret doesn’t involve a UFO or some CSM-conspiracy. Scully goes to therapy that actually looks like therapy. I guess what I’m saying is that I utterly believe this version of M & S in addition to just enjoying reading about them.
Sore Luck at the Luxor, by Anubis Hot, funny, atmospheric. What’s not to love?
Black Hole Season, by Penumbra Nobody does wordsmithing like Penumbra. I use her in arguments with professional writers when they try to tell me that adverbs and adjectives MUST GO. Just gorgeous, sly, insightful prose.
The Dreaming Sea, by Revely This one reads like a fairytale in all the best ways. Revely creates such loving, beautiful worlds for M & S to live in, and I wish they could stay there always.
Malus Genius, by Plausible Deniability and MaybeAmanda Funny and fun, with great original characters, a sly casefile and some clear-eyed musings on the perils of getting older. This one resonates more and more the older I get. ;)
Riding the Whirlpool, by Pufferdeux I look this one up periodically to prove to people that it exists. Scully gets off on a washing machine while Mulder helps. Yet it’s in character? And kinda works? This one has to be read to be believed.
Bone of Contention (part 1, part 2), by Michelle Kiefer and Kel People used to tell me all the time that casefiles are super easy to write while the poetic vignette is hard. Well, I can’t say which is harder but there much fewer well-done casefiles in the fandom than there are poetic vignettes. This is one of the great ones.
Antidote, by Rachel Howard A fic that manages to be both hot and cold as it imagines Mulder and Scully trying to stay alive in the frosty wilderness while a deadly virus is on the loose. This is an ooooold fic that holds up impressively well given everything that followed it!
Falling Down in Four Acts, by Anubis Anubis was actually a bunch of different writers sharing a single author name. This particular one paints an angry, vivid world for Our Heroes and their compatriots. There is no happy ending here, but I read this once and it stayed with me forever.
The Opposite of Impulse, by Maria Nicole A sweet slice of life on a sunny day. When I imagine a gentler universe for Mulder and Scully, this is the kind of place I’d put them.
What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?
Bait and Switch is probably the most sophisticated and tightly plotted. It was late in my fanfic “career” and so it shows the benefits to all that learning. My favorite varies a lot, but I’ll say Universal Invariants because that one was nothing but fun.
Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?
I never say never! I don’t have any oldies sitting around, though. Everything I wrote, I posted.
Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?
I write casefiles…er, I mean mysteries, under my own name now, Joanna Schaffhausen. My main series with Reed and Ellery consists of a male-female crime solving team, so I get a little bit of my XF kick that way. Their first book, The Vanishing Season, started its life as an XF fanfic back in the day. I had to rewrite it from the ground up to get it published, but if you know both stories, you can spot the similarities.
Where do you get ideas for stories?
The answer any writer will tell you is “everywhere.” Ideas are cheap and they’re all around us—on the news, on the subway, in conversations with friends, from Twitter memes, on a walk through the woods. My mysteries are often rooted in true crime, often more than one of them.
Each idea is like a strand of colored thread, and you have to braid them together into a coherent story. This is the tricky part, determining which threads belong in which story. If the ideas enhance one another or if they just create an ugly tangent.
Mostly, though, stories begin by asking “what if?” What if Scully’s boyfriend Ethan had never been cut from the pilot? What if Scully had moved to Utah after Fight the Future? What if the Lone Gunmen financed their toys by writing a successful comic book starring a thinly veiled Mulder and Scully?
Growing up, I had a sweet old lady for a neighbor. Her name was Doris and she gave me coffee ice cream while we watched Wheel of Fortune together. Every time there was a snow storm, the snow melted in her backyard in a such way that suggested she had numerous bodies buried out there. How’s that for a “what if?”
What's the story behind your pen name?
I’ve had a few of them and honestly can’t tell you where they came from, it’s been so long ago. The “6” part of syntax6 is because I joke that 6 is my lucky number. In eighth grade, my algebra teacher would go around the room in order, asking each student their answer to the previous night’s homework problems. I realized quickly that I didn’t have to do all the problems, just the fifteenth one because my desk was 15th on her list. This worked well until the day she decided to call on kids in random order. When she got to me and asked me the answer to the problem I had not done, I just invented something on the spot. “Uh…six?”
Her: “You mean 0.6, don’t you?”
Me, nodding vigorously: “YES, I DO.”
Her: “Very good. Moving on…”
Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?
My close friends and family have always known, and reactions have varied from mild befuddlement to enthusiastic support. My father voted in the Spookies one year, and you can believe he read the nominated stories before casting his vote. I think the most common reaction was: Why are you doing this for free? Why aren’t you trying to be a paid writer?
Well, having done both now, I can tell you that each kind of writing brings its own rewards. Fanfic is freeing because there is no pressure to make money from it. You can take risks and try new things and not have to worry if it fits into your business plan.
(Posted by Lilydale on September 15, 2020)
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sarcasticfina · 3 years
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Fic Writer Tag Game
How many works do you have on AO3? 263
What’s your total AO3 word count? 4,901,188
How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? including the fandoms on FFnet, that haven't yet been moved over to ao3, that'd be a total of 37. separating the larger fandoms (marvel, dcu) into their individual parts: Thor; Arrow; Smallville; The Vampire Diaries; Glee; Captain America; Supernatural; Teen Wolf; Iron Man; Life with Derek; Firefly; Friday Night Lights; X-Men; Fantastic Four; Harry Potter; Sons of Anarchy; Girl Meets World; Batman; Daredevil; From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series; Transformers; Lost Girl; Game of Thrones; Banshee; High School Musical; The OC; One Tree Hill; CSI: New York; Degrassi; Gossip Girl; NCIS; The Unusuals; Criminal Minds; iCarly; Secret Life of the American Teenager; Twilight; and The Listener
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
1. and I wonder (if everything could ever feel this real forever) - darcy/bucky - Steve tells him that Darcy's harmless. Bucky imagines, on paper, Darcy is harmless. HYDRA wouldn't give her a second glance. But he does. He can barely keep his eyes off her. He's not sure he wants to. | Kudos: 5576
2. I Climbed The Tree To See The World (When The Gusts Came Around To Blow Me Down, I Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me) - darcy centric | darcy/steve - The path to self-discovery, including becoming Coulson's assistant-slash-liaison-slash-bff, Captain America's lady love, and rating fourth on the SHIELD BAMF scale, was like the yellow brick road; it was chaos and confusion around every bend. | Kudos: 3973
3. Take a little piece of my heart (and keep it for yourself) - oliver/felicity - A collection of Olicity prompts on Tumblr posted here for easier access/reading. | Kudos: 3498
4. You put your arms around me (and I'm home) - darcy/bucky - A collection of Darcy/Bucky oneshots, drabbles, and prompt fills. | Kudos: 3293
5. you (anchor me back down) - darcy/bucky - "I'll be right back." Famous last words. | Kudos: 2747
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? not all of them. i do try to keep up on them, especially on longer stories when there's been significant wait times in between chapters, or when a reader is asking a question or is unclear on something. and especially when someone writes a really indepth comment/review, i like to respond to those and talk about motivations and character growth.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I've written a number of fics that either had suicide or major character death, so i'm not sure if one outranks the other in terms of most angsty... hmm... i remember "be still and know that I'm with you (be still and know that I am here)" and "light a match, burn the world to ash (I will watch it die, and hold your hand as I fly)" both got some pretty intense reactions when they were posted. And "It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Go On)" was basically just angst from beginning to end. buuuuut, i think i'll say "so you think you can tell (heaven from hell" was, only because there's a build up of everything going so right, only to pivot at the end, so it feels very bittersweet.
Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i loooooove crossovers. i find writing in the marvel fandom makes things quite easy, but also smallville. as long as i can find a common thread, i enjoy finding a way to overlap two shows. i'll say the hardest one to write was "ruby red slippers (unavailable in her size)." I'm not sure why, but i found writing each personality together just felt strange. i liked the idea behind the story, but i definitely remember feeling like i was really forcing myself to keep going, like something just didn't fit right.
Have you ever received hate on a fic? oh, definitely. you cannot please everyone, it's impossible. for the most part, hate comes and i either argue back, take the criticism for what it's worth, or just ignore it when it's baseless. i think the hate that bothered me the most was a homophobic PM someone sent me re: "you know I will adore you ('til eternity)," on FFnet. i actually went and searched it up. they've since blocked me so i can't read our whole thread back and forth. but i did put part of it on tumblr so i could rant on it a bit, so you can see that here.
Do you write smut? If so what kind? ha. yes. depending on the story, it can be really detailed or really flowery. it depends on the ship, the plot, and how graphic i feel like being. i've definitely become more comfortable over the years with my writing. that said, i think everybody likes something different. i once had a reviewer tell me a sex scene was too much, just too intense. it was a stefan/caroline story and to be fair, that entire oneshot was just them fucking, lol, but it is what it is. to each their own.
Have you ever had a fic stolen? Multiple times.
Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! for the record, i am always happy to have my stories translated and shared. i just like having a link sent to me and to be credited.
What’s your all time favorite ship? i have a list of OTPs, because interests change and as shows come and go, my love for a ship can be shelved for a while before it pops back up at random. currently, i can't get enough of buck/eddie from 9-1-1. and, historically, chloe/oliver (smallville) and felicity/oliver (arrow) have been two of my top OTPs. but i think i'd have to go with bonnie/damon. they had all the potential and the show dropped the ball by not exploring it. at the same time, that's kind of a blessing, because i don't trust those writers to properly explore what they had without eventually destroying it for the likes of de/ena. it means a treasure trove for writing where it could have gone and all the what if's.
What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will? the intention is always to finish. but given how i feel about allison mack and how that impacts my feelings re: chloe sullivan, pretty much anything with her as a main character is not something i see myself returning to.
What are your writing strengths? What are your writing weaknesses? i'm putting these together because my strength is my weakness. i love to write. when i get an idea, i go all in and i will skip eating and sleeping to just write write write. but i also eventually hit a wall and i get so many ideas that i hyperfocus on one until the steam is gone and then i hyperfocus on the next one to maintain that need to keep writing, accidentally leaving the last story in the dust for entirely too long. i also have clinical depression that comes and goes, which hasn't been super great mixed with covid and isolation, so more often recently, i find myself overly exhausted and despite wanting to write, can rarely get motivated to do so. so, pre-covid, wrote so much i left entirely too many stories dangling. during covid, i've just been reading and struggling to get myself focused enough to do what i love.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i appreciate the authenticity when possible, but i've recently been reading more about how native speakers of other languages feel when a) their language is butchered by google translate, or b) it's just not genuine in terms of how bilingual speakers act or speak.
What was the first fandom you’ve written for? it was smallville, but i remember adopting it out to someone else because i wasn't going to finish it. so if you look at my ffnet, the first fandom i wrote for appears to be x-men: the movie, but i remember writing a chloe/oliver story prior to that.
What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? i have a lot. i mean, on ffnet, i have 576 stories, many of which were transferred over to ao3, with a lot of oneshots and drabbles getting joined together into collections. so there's a ton to pick from that span a 14-ish year timeline.
"you know I will adore you ('til eternity)" and "let me break (the walls that surround me)" hold a special place in my heart.
honestly, each story is important in its own way. there are bits and pieces of each that i love. every time i write something new it feels like my favorite. my best. and then a new idea comes along. there are scenes i've written that i loved more than the whole of what they became. lines that stand out that are almost too good to be a part of the larger picture.
one of my all time favorite passages i've written was bonnie's thoughts on damon and herself in 'if you love me (let me go)":
He is far from perfect. He is a novel of red, corrective ink. He is frayed pages and torn binding. His life, his choices, his mistakes leave lasting effects on everyone he meets.
She is a lifeboat with a hole in it. An anchor that drowns in the sea while everyone else remains steady above. She is both the calm and the storm, and while she screams that she will not be tamed, she cries. Bittersweet tears that go unnoticed and uncared about.
there are other stories, other pieces of dialogue, that i've been proud of. that make me laugh when i re-read them. that make me cry. and i love them. there are others that make me wilt and cringe and regret. it's a process. love and pride and growth, all bound together.
Tagging: @absentlyabbie, @anonymous033, and anyone else who'd like to fill this all out, haha
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sunflower-swan · 2 years
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Title: Stay Author: sunflower_swan (me!) Fandom: Harry Potter (Next Gen) Rating: G Pairing: Scorpius/Albus Severus Tags: Pre-Slash, Friends to More than Friends?, mentioned drinking WC: 713 Summary: Scorpius is having a long week, Al saves it with a fantastic proposal.
@ziggystardustminifest Day 4!
This one had me stymied for a few days because I’ve barely read and haven’t written any Next Gen characters at all. So I had to do some research (reading). Then I started something and scrapped it because it wasn’t going to fit the song prompt. Might keep that one in the WIP folder for the future though; I liked where it was going.
Anyway, this is for @keepcalmandexpectopatronum934! You are an amazing human and a fantastic writer, and I’m so pleased to know you!
Read on AO3 or below the break.
With every passing second, the tick-tock of the clock on the wall drove him slowly into an insanity spiral. Scorpius stared at the never diminishing pile of paperwork and groaned.
Was it only Thursday? Why did this week feel like a month?
Before he could get too lost in ruminations about time flying and having fun — or, in this case, crawling to a boring halt — a little tawny owl swept in through his open office door. It dropped a small letter and landed on his desk, puffing out its chest with pride and importance.
Scorpius recognized Al’s inelegant handwriting and adrenaline coursed through his limbs. He ripped open the envelope to find a scrap piece of parchment bearing the words,
Hang out tonight and skive off work tomorrow? 
Scorpius held his breath, the idea rejuvenating him from his previous stupor.
A three-day weekend would be nice. Plus, that mountain of work wasn’t going anywhere; it would still be there on Monday. Ignoring the nagging voice telling him to be a responsible adult, Scorpius flipped the parchment over and wrote,
You read my mind. My place, 7.
After accepting an owl treat and a pat on the head, the owl flew away to deliver Scorpius’ response.
If it had been difficult to focus before, it was now next to impossible. In a few short hours, Al would be at his flat and he wouldn’t have to worry about work for three whole days. Excitement pulsed through Scorpius until the end of the day; it would be just like old times.
While at Hogwarts, they would play hooky on the occasional sunny Friday afternoon — like the first warm day after the long Scottish winter when no one could be expected to focus on schoolwork anyway. Fueled by sweets and laughter, during those stolen moments in the lesser-known recesses of the castle, Scorpius and Albus’ friendship grew and blossomed into an everlasting fondness for each other.
Since they’d graduated and started big kid jobs, and acted like they knew what they were doing, opportunities for goofing off were few and far between. So before he left his office to floo home at the end of the day, he mussed up his hair and dishevelled his robes. As he passed his boss, he mimicked a terrible stomach cramp and muttered an incoherent, Not feeling well. Running the best he could while hunched over and fake moaning, Scorpius hastened to the fireplace and home.
The act was childish and immature, sure, but no one would question the Sick Day Owl tomorrow.
All that was left to do now was wait. Scorpius hated waiting.
Sitting on the couch and holding a book, reading but not comprehending the words, he attempted to not count down the minutes until Al arrived. Though his father disagreed, Scorpius was thankful for a friend as impetuous as Al. The pressures of being a Malfoy would have otherwise resulted in a breakdown long ago. Al helped keep life in perspective.
At seven on the dot, a green flame roared in Scorpius’ fireplace. Albus stepped out with a wide grin and dusted soot off his zip-up hoodie.
“Long week?” he asked.
“The fucking worst,” Scorpius replied with a laugh. “Firewhisky?”
Al wandered over to the bar cart. “Thought you’d never ask.”
He poured two generous servings of the amber liquid and joined Scorpius on the couch.
“Here’s to…” Al lifted an eyebrow held his glass aloft toward Scorpius. “...being a responsible adult most of the time—”
Scorpius chuckled but mirrored the gesture.
“—and a callow urchin the rest of the time,” Al finished.
“I’ll drink to that.”
The rest of the night slipped away in a tangle of drinks and laughter. All of the happiest moments in Scorpius’ life, when time lost all meaning, was when he and Al were together.
A peaceful and contemplative lull settled over their conversation.
Al leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes.
“It’s pretty late. I should probably—”
“Stay?” Scorpius, acting on impulse, interrupted him. His heart palpated, awaiting Al’s reply.
Opening one eye, Al glanced over at Scorpius. “Ok, Scorp. I’ll stay.”
Releasing a breath, Scorpius did not ponder Why he asked Al to stay, he was just relieved that he said Yes.
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seventfics · 2 years
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For the ask game, any (or all!) of the following: 1, 3, 9, 17, and 12 and 19 for Hand in Hand! 😊💛
Ah! I forgot to answer this! Okay, time for a list:
1. Is writing cathartic or stressful for you?
It's been both, on occasion. I still write when I'm stressed, though I should say the fic process isn't usually what stresses me. Just real life stuff that gets in the way.
Hand in Hand has been a good catharsis to that actually!
3. Do you have any upcoming WIPs? How far along are you with them?
I sure do! Once Hand in Hand is done, I have an intermission WIP almost ready for posting, from Ivan's perspective, waiting for the Darkling and the shared braincell duo to come back. I also have Part 2 in the works, with most chapters already drafted. Not written, drafted, lol.
(I should also say I have a million Witcher WIPs. For Emhyralt, for my Geraskier vampire fic... but I'll get to it when I get to it 😅)
9. Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?
The 50 Malarklina ideas that exist in my brain but that I do not have the energy to write. 😔 Short fics about them being happy or flirty, or with King and Queen Darklina/Mal endgame. I would LOVE more of those. And more Darkling/Mal fics. Of any flavor.
17. What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?
This one is hard to pin down. I've had many proud moments over this last year. Having a fic pass the 10k kudos mark on ao3. Posting over 100k words in a year. Joining fandom challenges and actually finishing them. Coming back to art after many years of hiatus.
Maybe my proudest right now will be finishing a fic with multiple chapters (manifesting Hand in Hand's conclusion into existence before it's done, lol). I don't believe I've ever finished a chaptered fic before. Not for longer than 5 chapters. It would really be an achievement for me, and a great step forward in how I approach writing serial fics. Hell, it's great for my own personal writing!
12. Why did you choose to write [Hand in Hand in Unlovable Hand]? How long have you been working on it?
Hand in Hand owes its existence to the show actively putting Mal and the Darkling in a single room (more than once) and having them talk like jealous little idiots in love with Alina. Boys, why fight when you could both be holding Alina's hands as a chaotic throuple? Why don't the two of you hold each other's hands for a bit and cool off?
I had read the trilogy books years ago. Loved the Grishaverse to bits. Loved the Darkling to bits. Never gave me any fic ideas then. I just passively consumed the books with occasional Big Sads and What Ifs. And then Netflix gave us their gem of an adaptation and suddenly, at the end of the season, knowing where things were going to eventually end, I thought, "It isn't fair," which is a fanfic writer's greatest motivator. We're handyman fixing this plot so everyone ends up together. That's the goal in Hand in Hand's series. Malarklina happy endgame!!
So I've been working on it since the show came out. I can't say exactly when the idea struck me, but point-five seconds after it did, I booted up my docs and wrote the first chapter to this fic. No second thoughts. Just fingers to the keyboard.
19. 15 words to describe the aesthetic of [Hand in Hand in Unlovable].
Thunder. A single white pillar surrounded by darkness. Mirrors. Clenched fists that gently unfurl, open.
I think that's 15. 😌
[If anyone else is curious, send me a number from the fanfic ask game!]
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charmedseoull · 3 years
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Interview with sugamins about her work House of Cards (Ao3′s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work)
Before You Read the Interview
Archive of Our Own Transcript
Reddit Transcript Part 1 / Part 2
House of Cards is documented within the Top 50 Most Hit BTS Works on Archive of Our Own Project, otherwise known as T50BTS, by Charmedseoul. It is the second most hit English work on the Archive of Our Own platform, most hit BTS work, and 16th most hit work overall. It centers around the internationally popular K-Pop idol group BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan) with the main characters being Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook. This work is being documented for historical purposes for the Fanlore website with its own page. Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who plans to eventually document each of the top 50 most hit BTS work on Ao3 as in depth as this one. If you are in contact with any of the authors of these works, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.
Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.
Disclaimers: This interview contains spoilers for the BTS Archive of Our Own work House of Cards. The story’s Archive of Our Own tags contain violence and gangster activity, along with discussion of prostitution and drug use. The full tag list is:
Alternate Universe - Gangsters
Gang Violence
Violence
Drugs
Drug Use
Explicit Sexual Content
Explicit Language
Blood and Gore
Blood and Torture
Gambling
Gunplay
Undercover
Disturbing Themes
Homophobic Language
Attempted Rape/Non-Con
Xenophobia
Dom/sub
Threesome - M/M/M
Drug Addiction
Dubious Consent
This interview discusses an 18+ mature work and Not Safe for Work topics. Please read this interview at your own discretion. You are responsible for the content you consume.
House of Cards by sugamins is a multi-chapter Archive of Our Own fanfiction that follows police officer Kim Taehyung’s undercover operation into the gangster world of Haedogje Pa. Jeon Jungkook, shrouded in an air of mystery and dubbed “The Boy,” is the heir to this crime empire. Park Jimin lives with him, acting as a lover of sorts in a high, pristine penthouse apartment. The story follows the three and their complicated relationship where sex, violence, and drugs surround them. Kim Taehyung tries to take down the empire as his moral lines of black and white begin blurring into gray. In this crime-ridden alternate reality to Seoul, everything from the structure of the gangster world to the trust between three lovers is as fragile as a house of cards.
Now presenting the interview with sugamins, author of Archive of Our Own’s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work, House of Cards:
How did you start writing?
How did you get into fanfiction?
How much writing experience did you have prior to House of Cards?
Do you have any literary or artistic inspirations? Any other authors or works that have inspired you to create anytime before or after House of Cards?
How did you become an ARMY [ARMY stands for Adorable Representative MC for the Youth. It is the fandom name for fans of BTS, otherwise known as Bangtan Sonyeondan]?
I started writing fanfiction in 2012. But before then, I used to enjoy writing stories as a child and young teenager. I used to write and illustrate my own stories. I even had a sketchbook filled with my own comic book, which was terrible! But I've always been creative. It started with art and then I moved onto writing when I discovered I was able to be much more creative with my words rather than my pencil.
I first got into fanfiction through my years spent on Tumblr. I had always known that it had existed, but I had never really gone looking for it because I hadn't belonged to a fandom at that point in my life. It was back in 2012 when I stumbled upon an EXO fanfic that a lot of people were talking about (Arbitrage, you can find it on Livejournal.) I read it and then thought...wow, so this is fanfiction! From that point, I started reading more and more, mostly Infinite fanfiction. And then I decided to start writing with the encouragement of an old online friend, and here I am!
In terms of writing experience, I have never formally received education. I stopped studying English Language and Literature when I was 16, instead focusing on Art, History, and Religious Education (purely because I wanted to learn about philosophy and quantum mechanics) for my final two years at high-school. The only experience I have is through writing fanfiction. I started back in 2012, and I've developed a lot since then. I started off small, writing horror short stories and little collections. Brotherhood was the first 'long fic' I created. I was shocked that it managed to get so big because I had never created a story of that size before. Writing helped me gain experience and figure out what worked and what didn't work, what I was good at writing, and where I was lacking and needed to learn. I don't think you can really experience an art form until you start doing it. You can learn all about the techniques and the conventions, but until you pick up a pen and start writing or drawing, you won't ever know what it means to create.
My literary inspiration has always been Stephen King. Which is funny, as he has described himself as 'having diarrhea of the typewriter.' I think that applies to me sometimes. I am a bit of a wordy writer, though I've started honing it down for certain stories. Sometimes, a story needs to be floral and descriptive, sometimes, it needs to be punchy and direct. So, King was my major inspiration, especially with horror. I also enjoy the works of Poe and Lovecraft (I acknowledge the problematic themes in the work of Lovercraft and seek not to praise him as a person. He was a terrible person for sure, but sadly, he had a way with cosmic horror that is hard to find.) I also enjoy Chuck Palahniuk and the dark, seedy and overall zany stories that he has created. I like his style a lot!
In terms of inspirations for House of Cards, I was obviously inspired by the films Infernal Affairs/The Departed. American Gangster and Training Day were also major inspirations (and also because I love Denzel Washington's performances in both films. I mean, who doesn't love him?) But I also drew inspiration from other sources that were less focused on gangs, more focused on the dark, nihilistic state of the world around us. I couldn't recommend the TV series True Detective hard enough. It is one of the best series I have ever watched. It handles dark and disturbing content so well, and its fractured, unreliable story-telling and philosophical musing is some of the best I've ever seen on screen. I highly recommend checking it out, but be sure to check the content warning and triggers because it certainly isn't suitable for younger audiences and those with triggers. In terms of real-life content, I think Ross Kemps' docu-series are very good. Particularly Extreme World and On Gangs. His docu-series show the dark and disturbing side of criminal activity, the drug trade and more. 
I became a fan of BTS [Bangtan Sonyeondan] back in 2013. I had already been a fan of K-Pop for some time by then, as I had started listening to various K-Pop and K-Rock artists back in 2009. I knew of their debut, but I had seen hundreds of new acts debut by the time that they broke into the scene, and so I didn't pay much heed. Someone I followed on Tumblr at the time kept posting about how much she loved them, especially Taehyung [BTS V/Kim Taehyung]. One day, I stumbled upon a gifset of Yoongi [BTS Suga/Min Yoongi] being sarcastic in one of their first interviews. I thought he was funny, so I decided to check them out. At the time, they had recently released We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2 [BTS’s second music video release with their debut album 2 Kool 4 Skool]. I followed them from that point, and their first comeback [A “comeback” refers to when a K-Pop idol group releases new music, usually done twice a year.] was also my first comeback. I liked their music [BTS released Boy In Luv and Just One Day in 2014, both music videos of songs from their Skool Luv Affair EP.], but I liked them even more as individuals. I loved watching their shows [Here is a link to BTS’s schedule during 2014 when they had their first comeback. You can find the shows and interviews they were on there.], even though they are incredibly embarrassing to look back on now. They just had so much energy and looked to be having so much fun that I was having fun just watching them. I was a fan, I liked a lot of their songs and followed their activities. But it wasn't until they released HYYH Part One [Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa Part 1 (Korean) = The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1 (This is the title in English), released with the I Need U and Dope music videos.] that I really became a fan of their music. I had already created a couple of small horror stories for the fandom at that point. HYYH Part One [The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1] inspired me so much that I created Brotherhood, my first 'long fic.' I joined AO3 [Archive of Our Own] and started posting there. I received so much support from fellow fans that I carried on writing, and the rest is history!
How has your experience being an ARMY [Adorable Representative MCs of the Youth, BTS’s global fan base name.] been? Did you ever leave the fandom then come back? How did you interact with others when you first got into the fandom and as you grew up?
How have you been since you wrote House of Cards? What have you been working on? 
Are you okay with talking about how old you are now and how old you were when you wrote House of Cards?
Before you even wrote House of Cards, what inspired it? Any TV shows? Music? Movies? Books? Ideas? It could be anything.
How did you start writing House of Cards? Did you finish the entire story then publish it or did you write it as you went? What was the writing process like?
Did you have any beta readers or editors? If you did, are you still in contact with them now? How did they feel about your work?
My experience being a fan has mostly been positive over the years. In the earlier days, back around when I first started writing for the fandom, it was certainly much more positive. I've received so much support over the years, not only in my writing but in my personal life from readers and fellow fans that being a fan of the boys [The members of BTS] really has changed my life. That's not an exaggeration. I doubt I would even be here now without those years having such a positive effect on my mental health. I've never really been the kind to interact with others and form cliques within the fandom, I just like being in my own space and interacting with everyone that comes my way, I guess?
These days, I'm not as active as a writer or in fandom spaces however. I feel like my time in the fandom has started to come up and I don't know how I feel about it just yet. I feel nostalgic for the time when I was first starting out in the fandom and I didn't really know much, but everything was fun. It doesn't feel so fun now, but I mostly contribute that to the effect that Twitter has had on shaping the fandom's growth. Twitter has never been a good place for creatives within fandoms because of issues with algorithms and such. Tumblr was always the better website for hosting artistic content for a variety of reasons. So, I think the fact that everything is on Twitter now has been partly responsible for my decline in engagement and overall enjoyment. I'm currently taking a break from Twitter. The next couple of months will be what makes me either stay or leave the fandom.
Since writing House of Cards, I've been an active writer in the fandom. Over the years, I've added quite a lot of stories to my AO3 accounts and various pseuds. My largest ongoing story is another gang story, set in the 1980s, called Valentino Summers. I actually started writing and publishing it on Ao3 just four or so months after I finished House of Cards—which is wild to think about. Finally finishing House of Cards seems like such a long time ago in my mind, and yet I'm still working on a story I created that same year! I like contributing horror stories to the fandom, especially in the Halloween period. I like publishing series in the month/upcoming weeks before Halloween—though I won't be doing so this year [2020].
When I started writing House of Cards, I would have just turned 22. It was inspired by the song 'Wires' by The Neighbourhood. I might be mistaken, but I believe that Jungkook [BTS Jungkook/Jeon Jungkook] posted a tweet with the song in it. [Jungkook did tweet about this song. Here is the English translation.] I had never heard of the band before, but my partner was a fan of their music. She sent the song to me and I was very interested in the lyrics, so I started discussing them with her. One thing led to the next, and then we had basically come up with the entire plot of the story. We just needed to create the characters. We spent a little while doing so, and then I started doing some research and started writing the story. There really isn't a grand backstory to House of Cards, it just happened so fast. We often come up with story ideas like that, and my partner is responsible for a huge amount of my stories. She has the creative visions, which I then turn into words. We make quite the team, haha~ The inspirations, I mentioned those in my previous answer regarding films and TV shows.
I published the story as I went, though I staggered the updates because I didn't want to post too frequently. I had the entire story planned out from the start——I didn't change a single aspect of the story no matter what I received in terms of feedback. I think a lot of readers assume that writers might tweak things if they sense the audience wants something to happen in terms of plot or relationships. Personally, I don't like doing that. I like sticking to my plans even if I know my vision might not be what the readers want. I think it's important for the story to be created the way I see it because my vision is what made me create it, if that makes sense.
The writing process was surprisingly smooth! You might not think it because the story is big and there are a lot of characters and plot threads to keep on top of, but it went smoothly for me. It flowed just as smoothly from start to finish as Brotherhood did. I never struggled once with writing the chapters, nor did I ever get stuck and wonder if I should change the content in order to make it easier to write. I'm surprised that I managed to complete it so easily because that's not the case with writing now! I tend to be a lot slower now, more deliberate and more open to changes in order to ease the process and the overall flow of the story. In a way, this change has been for the best. I do wonder what House of Cards would be like if I were to write it now, with my different approach to planning and writing. It would probably have a quicker flow, and the word count would either go down as a result of cuts, or go up because of additional scenes I would have likely included.
I didn't have any betas, which you can probably tell from the work. My stories are so big that I never wanted to put the burden of fixing them onto someone else. I know they are imperfect, oftentimes bloated things, but that's just what they are. I did try creating a story with another writer in the past, but it didn't go very well. She would often have conflicting opinions on things and would not have any leeway for anything I suggested, whereas I always had leeway to allow her to change things. Even to the point of completely changing the plot of the story that I had already started writing, and then allowing her to add graphic sexual content she didn't even want to be in the story. She actually stopped writing fanfiction randomly in the middle of us creating the story! She made a post about it being disgusting and nasty and then bowed out. I have no clue if she ever came back! So, my negative experience with attempting to work with someone else when creating a story kind of made me not want to have a beta. It's a wild story, I know!
House of Cards is praised for its realism and accuracy with weaponry, torture, sex, and violence. How did you research these things?
How did you come up with the gangster universe in House of Cards? How did you develop Haedogje Pa?
How did you name the original characters in House of Cards? Did any characters in particular take inspiration from existing characters in TV shows, anime, books, any type of media?
How did you decide on Vminkook as your main characters for the story? What do you see in their dynamic and them as characters?
Jimin is claimed to be one of the best written characters in the entire story. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?
Taehyung is an especially dynamic character whose morals get tested time and time again in House of Cards. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?
Jungkook is one of the characters that the readers spend the least amount of time getting a perspective from, but is incredibly well written in his character progression. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?
When it came to various aspects in the story, I did do research. Most of it never really had an impact on the story itself. For example, I would be looking up gun models that are used by law enforcement agencies around the world and trying to find specs of them so I could learn how many bullets each gun held, or how much a magazine could hold. In action scenes, I didn't want my characters firing off 20+ bullets for a gun that—in reality—holds far less. That's a fact that doesn't really mean much to the average reader, but it meant something to me! I've always hated how many bullets fly through the air in action scenes in films and TV shows because I'm always wondering if it's possible with the firearms featured in the scene haha~ In terms of torture, I've come across the subject through various documentaries and TV shows about gangs, crime and serial killers. I didn't really do much additional research into the topic, beyond reading up on what I had come across to make sure it wasn't fictionalised for drama purposes. Obviously, there will be some lack of realism in my story because I couldn't possibly write a realistic portrayal of gang violence and torture when I have zero personal experience with it. My aim wasn't to give the story 'full' realism (I'll explain more about that in the next question) but to simply create a world that felt real, even if there were little aspects that had to be exaggerated for the sake of the story. Taehyung's behaviour when undercover certainly broke many procedures. The only thing working in his favour that allowed him to get away with it is that the crimes he committed couldn't be directly traced to him. But a real undercover agent would never do the things that he did on behalf of the gang. Basically, this means that the entire story is unrealistic! But of course, it wouldn't be very entertaining if Taehyung simply observed from the background and didn't dirty his hands. So, I had to bend and break the rules a little!
For the universe, I knew that I couldn't base it too much in reality. Because of basic Korean law, it would have been impossible for me to write the gang operating in the way they did in the story—especially with guns. Most Korean gangs tend to use other forms of violence and weapons in order to control their respective areas, rather than guns. My other story, Taste of Ink, has what I would consider a more realistic approach to gang activity—with the main weapons being knives, baseball bats, etc. and the main forms of violence being assault instead of flat-out murder. So, for the sake of allowing guns to appear in the story, I had to create a Neo-Seoul, so to speak. I took inspiration from Korean gangs, and mixed it with influences from other gang cultures in order to create 'Haedogje Pa.'
When it comes to naming original characters, I honestly don't put much thought into it. I like to use real names for inspiration. I often Google various Korean films I've watched and read the cast list in order to find interesting character and actor names. This is because I have a habit of reusing names sometimes. For example, readers of my stories might have come across a couple of Daesu and Goohee characters. Do you know where I got these names from? I picked Daesu from Oh Daesu - Choi Minsik's character in Oldboy. Goohee comes from the manhwa 'Let Dai' - he is the stubborn gang leader that actually has a good heart beneath his rough exterior. I ended up liking him the most by the end of the story, so his name is one that often comes to mind when I need to pick an original character name.
I never really consider real life dynamics when I'm writing because my stories are so detached from reality that it seems pointless including any inspiration from reality. I chose the three main characters simply because, at the time, they seemed to fit the character moulds the best. The other characters fit their respective characters so well (especially Namjoon [BTS RM/Kim Namjoon] and Yoongi) that I simply thought it was best to have Taehyung, Jimin [BTS Jimin/Park Jimin] and Jungkook as the three lead roles. I chose them more based on how I thought they could personally fit the characters, rather than focus on the dynamic. To use Taehyung as an example, I thought that he would fit the character of the informant in my story because in reality, he is intelligent and seemed like he would suit the role. For Jimin, I thought he would be a good choice for a character that some might think is vulnerable or even weak. He is actually very strong and the most important character for the plot progression. For Jungkook, I liked the thought of someone with such an innocent outer appearance hiding a dark secret.
I'm so glad that readers took to Jimin so positively on a whole. I know there are some that hated him, or that hated the fact I chose him for such a role (a 'negative' sex worker role). But Jimin is the most important character for the plot progression. It is through him that the entire plan finally culminates in the explosive finish. I wanted to treat him with care because I understood that his character could go very wrong if not handled correctly. It would have been easy for him to simply become nothing more than a sexual prop, should the story have focused too much on Taehyung and Jungkook as the key players. So, I decided to subvert it by giving Jimin the ultimate hand in the story and allowing him to have more control than Jungkook in the end. If Jimin had not decided to follow through with the plan, if he had decided to snitch or had simply refused to do his part in exposing the gang, the story would've ended drastically differently. But I also didn't want to write Jimin taking control of the entire situation at the end because it would've felt ingenuine. He is a character that has been deeply affected by a lifetime of trauma. I was worried that some might take my portrayal of his trauma the wrong way, and see him not as a character that has suffered immense mental damage but rather as an annoying, weak character that gets in the way of more 'interesting' dynamics. I'm sure there will be readers that think that. Mentally traumatized individuals are often seen in such negative light, be they fictional characters or real people. When writing his character, especially in the later scenes, I wanted to make sure the trauma he experienced would shape his behaviour. Writing the scene of him getting ready to leave, when he is taking his pills and he doesn't think he can do it, it was hard. It was hard getting into that headspace of feeling so powerless in the moment and knowing that freedom is in reach, but not knowing how to achieve it. He was a difficult character to write, but I think he turned out just right in the end.
Taehyung was probably the best character to write. I love characters that start off so morally upright and pristine, and by the end of the story, their backs are bending and close to breaking from the weight of their conscience and misdeeds. His character has many facets to him that made his perspectives so interesting to tackle. From his green days in the gang, where he is horrified by the violence he sees, to the changes in his psyche as he starts to become desensitized to it all. Fundamentally, Taehyung begins the story as a good man, a hero, but by the end, there is no black and white thinking. He has become grey, muddied from his time spent in the gang. Is he a hero for bringing them down? Would a hero do the things that he did in order to bring down the gang? He killed people. He tortured people. He threatened a man with a gun, a man he knew had a deepset fear of guns that would severely trigger him. I think it all depends on how the reader sees it. The hardest thing to write for his character was his troubled descent into the relationship between him, Jungkook and Jimin, and how it affects his thought processes and emotions. I didn't want House of Cards to be seen as a romantic story when I created it. If readers see it that way, they are more than entitled to their own interpretations. I cannot tell them how they can interpret my art, that is not my role as the creator. I don't know if I effectively portrayed the co-dependency between the three main characters as well as I would've liked. But I had never tackled such a story and themes before, and so it was all new to me.
I didn't know that Jungkook had the least perspective from the three main characters. Similarly, I never really put that much effort into creating and developing his character! Jungkook simply 'happened' in the moment. He would appear in the chapter, and then his character would basically take control of the scene. I never really knew what he was going to say or do beyond my rough plans for each scene. I just waited until he appeared and let the creative spirit flow through me. That's how he came to be! I've had that happen many times in the past with characters—they have a life of their own and I've no control over them. In my story, Brotherhood, Taehyung happened the same way. It was impossible to write his character in that story because he was so wild and free-spirited that it didn't feel right unless his behaviour was a total spur-of-the-moment reaction to the other characters and new plot points. But with Jungkook in House of Cards, I don't know why I didn't have him planned out like the others. It's interesting to think that he might've had a good progression when I never planned any of it in detail!
Were there any original characters you particularly liked writing or enjoyed?
When you wrote for the BTS hyung line, how did you determine their roles in the story and characterize each of them?
Is there a reason behind Namjoon saying “brother” or was it a consciously written character quirk?
When you handled more serious subject matter in House of Cards, how did you feel when writing it? Were you ever startled by your own work?
Was there any type of purposeful titling for the fanfiction chapters?
What was your reason for House of Cards’ open ending?
I liked writing Lim, the original informant that helped Taehyung join the gang. I like writing characters that come across as sleazy. In his case, the sleaze was all an act and wasn't true to his character; he was affecting it for the sake of creating a persona. But I enjoy writing absolute sleaze balls too—the kind of guys that have chest hair and wear gold chains and thick watches, who practically ooze oil. I just find them fun! Lim was a good teacher, even when he was rough around the edges. It was sad doing what I had to do to him for the sake of the plot. But I feel like Lim understood the game as well as everyone else, and so he knew he was running on borrowed time. 
Of course, I loved writing Bae Goohee too! He was an absolute bastard! I loved writing this figure that is spoken about throughout the story as a frightening man, one so brutal that the readers are already wary of him before he even appears in the story. I believe that Taehyung refers to him as a 'guard dog' at some point. I think Bae is the scariest character in the story for me because he is so ruthless and willing to do any order that the Jeon clan give to him. That kind of blind and unwavering devotion is frightening!
I also enjoyed writing Sungah and Jangmi. I think they're the only female characters in the story that have dialogue? Sungah has a great backstory that I unfortunately couldn't go into too much in the story, but it shaped her character a lot. I like how frank and intelligent she is—she holds her own even in a department filled with men that receive far more praise than she does simply because she is a woman. She also allowed me to add an angle about the unfair treatment of women in jobs that have power, drawing parallels with how Taehyung faces discrimination from his fellow officers when his sexuality is abruptly revealed during the investigation. As for Jangmi, I just liked writing about the wife of a mob boss! And not one that is simply a trophy wife, but actually has a lot of power and influence across the city. I wish I had been able to feature her more, alongside her husband, Jeon himself. But I like the scenes they appear in and I enjoyed writing them.
For the rest of the members, I had Namjoon and Hoseok [BTS J-Hope/Jung Hoseok]'s characters planned right from the start. I had also created plans for Yoongi and Seokjin [BTS Jin/Kim Seokjin], but I wasn't sure how much of a role they would play in the overall story. As I started writing them, I realised that Yoongi would play an important role in both Taehyung and Jimin's character development, and so he ended up featuring a lot more than I had expected. I planned their jobs and then let them influence how I would write them. Namjoon and Hoseok's characters came naturally. Yoongi's character completely took over his job role and basic description and became a really strong character that I'm proud of. Seokjin was a little trickier because he doesn't appear in too many scenes—but the scenes he does are integral to the plot. I needed to make sure that his character said everything he needed to in his limited scenes. He has quite the bombshell to drop after all! Seokjin was also tricky because I wanted him to have an air of mystery around him. I wanted him to be the kind of guy that not even Taehyung and his police connections would be able to unearth much about; a ghost in the system. I would've also liked for him to feature more in the story, but I feel like his character appeared in the essential scenes that the story needed. He was going to feature more in the planned sequel, being one of the first characters to appear alongside Yoongi. He was going to serve an important role, so I'm disappointed that I didn't get to show those scenes to readers.
With Namjoon, I wanted to portray him as a mature character, but not one that was conservative and stiff. I thought about having him say things like 'man' but that seemed too casual and didn't suit his character. 'Man' made him seem more like a surfer than a police officer. But when he said 'brother' in one of the scenes, I realised the word suited him better. It was fraternal, and it allowed him to show some affection towards the other characters without having to have physical contact with them. It's not the only Namjoon I've written that says 'brother' a lot. In Valentino Summers, Namjoon has experience with hippies in the neighbourhood that he lives in, so he also refers to other characters like Jimin as 'brother.' It just seems to suit him! I guess it's because I like creating Namjoon characters that are intelligent and mature, but still have a gentle and warm presence. I could picture him saying it in real life (I'm certain he already has!)
When writing serious subject matter, I'm surprised to admit that I was never shocked by what I was writing! I guess it's because I already knew that I was going to be handling dark themes. I wouldn't have tackled such subjects had I not felt comfortable doing so. Dark content isn't for everyone, and by that I don't simply mean consuming it. Creating it can be very difficult for some writers, and can even cause distress. It's not easy diving into a world that is filled with crime, pain and fear. It's even harder putting yourself into the shoes of a character that is suffering/has suffered. I was never writing in a desensitised state though. Far from it. I'm actually very sensitive to violence in reality. In fiction, it depends on the violence—but I'm usually not too affected by it. I've been a fan of horror since I was a child, and so I've seen a lot of nasty films filled with gore and 'shocking' deaths that never really had much of an effect on me. Unrealistic violence doesn't scare me. But when it comes to personal violence, that is always frightening to me. It's far scarier writing a scene where a character feels threatened by another character and doesn't know what is going to happen to them then, say, writing a scene of a character dying a bloody, ridiculous death in a horror story. Personal violence is much more realistic, therefore it is more unsettling to write. In House of Cards, the violence is very personal. It's in your face, it's inescapable for the characters that are involved in it. But at no point did I ever feel like I needed to stop writing because I was uncomfortable or scared by the content. If I had been uncomfortable, it would have been very reckless of me to continue writing the story.
My word of advice to fellow dark content writers: it's always important to recognise your own boundaries. There's nothing wrong with removing dark content from a story if you get a bad vibe or feel strange when writing/reviewing it. Always follow your gut instincts and never put out work that you don't like.
When writing stories, I vary between titling the chapters and leaving them blank. For House of Cards, I cannot remember the exact method for naming the chapters. Sometimes, the title comes to me when I am writing the plans and I have an idea that just suits the mood of the chapter. Other times, I have finished the entire chapter and I have to spend some time reviewing the content to decide that the title will be. In some cases, I have finished most of a whole story and I'm still not certain what to title it! I feel like with House of Cards, the titles came after the chapters were finished, or at least when they were works-in-progress.
There are some titles that really stand out to me. 'Nice Teeth' for example, is a really ridiculous title. Going into the chapter, I don't think many readers would've imagined what it could mean. 'Submachine Sodomy' is even funnier. I really can't believe I chose that as a title! I'll bet a lot of readers saw it and thought, "Oh no! Not another gunplay scene!" Luckily for them, it wasn't a reference to Jungkook's predilection for firearms in bed.
In terms of chapter titles that I really like: 'Delusions of Grandeur,' 'I Own This Fucking City,' 'Sleeping Dogs Bite' and 'Carpe-fucking-Diem.' I just feel like these titles are very well suited to the contents of the chapters. They are the kind of titles that have bite to them, that hint at action or an important plot point.
As for the open ending, there are a couple of reasons. First of all, I had planned to continue the story in a sequel that would pick up after the events of House of Cards, roughly a year on after the investigation. However, I did not pursue this sequel. I wanted House of Cards to end on an open note for the sequel to continue the story. When it comes to certain stories, I just feel that closed endings aren't always necessary. I often enjoy stories with open endings. With House of Cards, it didn't seem right just closing the book and saying it was over. There was still so much that needed to be explored. Unfortunately, I decided to not continue it. But I still think that House of Cards' ending fits the story.
Were there any scenes or moments or lines in House of Cards that you were particularly proud of or want to highlight?
If you were to write the Yoomin sequel to House of Cards, how would’ve that looked like?
How were readers’ reactions to your work in the beginning?
Did any reader comments stick with you in particular?
How did you take the criticisms and hatred towards House of Cards for its serious subject matter? When did those types of comments start appearing? Also, where did the hatred come from? Twitter? Tumblr? Ao3 comments? Did people harass you at all or hurt you? How did you heal from that?
House of Cards has a lot of scenes. I'm proud of most of them and I think I did the best I could when writing them. I do not really like the sex scenes, but that is because I wanted to write them in a dirty, sleazy way. If I could, I would change them. I like the action scenes, especially the Gold Monkey Casino and police raid scenes. Action scenes are hard to write! Fight scenes in particular are so tricky. I often sit there, choreographing the fights so I can describe them! I loved writing Yoongi's introduction to the story, when he walks into the scene wearing nothing but his underpants.
One scene that I really liked writing is the scene where Namjoon and Hoseok investigate the USB stick that Taehyung sends to them. I personally love Namjoon and Hoseok's characters. I always enjoyed writing them. In this scene, I liked getting to write them in a setting that was not the police department office. A scene where they got to relax and banter with each other, even though they were still working. They discover a horrifying crime ring in the city, but they are left with no choice but to keep it secret because they do not want to risk blowing Taehyung's cover. I do not know why I really like this scene, I just do.
In the sequel, which focused primarily on Jimin and Yoongi, the plans were to have them reunite through Seokjin—who has avoided jail time through a plea deal with the SMPA. They undergo a healing process together as they try to come to terms with what happened to them. Yoongi has a lot of unhealed trauma from his childhood, much like Jimin, which I only got to briefly touch upon in House of Cards. They grow closer from bonding over their traumatic experiences, and they become happier and healthier as a result. Taehyung and Seokjin were also going to be main characters, with Jungkook, Namjoon and Hoseok making supporting appearances over the duration of the story. It was going to be drastically different from House of Cards because it would be lacking in action and violence. It would have been much more intimate, with much more scenes of characters talking and discovering things about one another.
I cannot remember early reactions to the story, I just know they were positive. There was a lot of positive support from the start. As I updated and started to get more and more into the story, I received a lot of support on tumblr too. I started posting chapter previews there, as I used to get asks [On Tumblr, users are able to ask bloggers questions through an “Ask” function. This can be done anonymously or with their own blog username associated with the question.] requesting them. I got A LOT of asks on my original Tumblr from readers that wanted to discuss the characters and certain scenes. It was really interesting seeing just how much the readers were interested in the story, so much so that they wanted to learn even more about the characters and the universe I had created.
Through House of Cards, I have received comments and messages from readers that had addictions. They told me about how they recognised their own behaviors through Taehyung, and this helped them realise what was happening to them. Those comments stuck with me for obvious reasons. I have family members with addiction issues, and knowing that I could help some stranger I have never met before come to terms with their own addictive behaviours had a massive impact on me. Funnily enough, a negative comment stuck with me. It was not a bad comment, by no means meant to cause offence. It was a comment that was left on the story when I was posting the early chapters. I recall the reader asking when the story was going to pick up the pace because it was too slow. It stuck with me because, at this point in the story, Taehyung had already trained to become an undercover agent, had enrolled in the gang, had met and interacted with Jungkook, and had murdered a man. I was surprised that this amount of development had been seen as 'slow' by a reader, as I had thought the plot had been moving very fast.
I never really had any hate posted on the story when I was updating it. I got angry reactions when I had finished it. Because the story had not ended the way some readers had wanted, I think that was what caused the negative reactions. On my original Tumblr, I even got an ask about how an anon reader was going to write their own ending because my one was bad. I told them that I did not want them to take my story and change it like that. I have no idea if they ever posted the ending anywhere. The angry reactions were mostly from shippers, who were upset with the story not ending the way they had wanted. To them, I ask: what were you expecting from the story? I thought it was always obvious that Taehyung was going to do what he had set out to do from the start, so I do not think I misled readers at all. It was a story about an undercover agent taking down a gang—and that is what I wrote.
I know there was some animosity towards me on Twitter too. Twitter is a whirlpool of negativity, I am not surprised. Writing House of Cards made me appear problematic. My partner used to follow an author a long time back, who tweeted about me being problematic—despite having never interacted with me or admittedly read my stories. It was shocking to me that people were making assumptions of who I was as a person based on a story I created. I have never created stories with the aims of hurting or upsetting others. I am a very quiet and private person, and I hate the idea of hurting others. It was strange to me that people could assume me to be this cruel or even dangerous individual, intent on hurting others, because I created a fictional story. Do they think the same of script writers for television shows? Or film directors, who create films with dark subject matter? Do they think published authors are problematic people for writing dark and disturbing content? Do they think certain genres should not exist because they do not personally like them?
I do think it is strange that fan fiction writers are placed on these ridiculously high pedestals of moral absolutism. Fan fiction was created to be a space for creative outlet for marginalised individuals, particularly queer individuals. The heavy censorship of dark and unusual content is putting this entire ethos at danger. I understand not wanting to have certain topics included in stories because there is a risk that the content can be used for grooming or can be presented in a way that can negatively affect young consumers' perceptions (like pedophilia for example.) I certainly agree that there needs to be boundaries in place to stop the community from being flooded with such illegal content. But I think there is a difference between wanting to remove dangerous content, and wanting to get rid of content you do not like. Content can be problematic to you, but that does not make it dangerous, illegal, or bad. For some readers, the content they create is their way of dealing with trauma. Maybe this is not healthy for them. But that is their decision to make, not yours.
I orphaned the story because I did not want to handle the potential backlash. To put it simply, I do not handle negative criticism well. Not because I am stuck-up and think I am perfect, but because I am a very anxious person. Just reading angry comments makes me feel very uncomfortable, often nauseous. I know that House of Cards has received overwhelmingly positive feedback from readers, and for that I am thankful. But I had to distance myself for the sake of my own mental health. Since orphaning it, it exploded in popularity. I am thankful that I orphaned it because that amount of attention would frighten me a lot, haha~
What was your reaction to the fanfiction trailer by Sappiamur?
How did you come to the decision to reveal your real name in the end note of House of Cards?
How did you feel when you finished House of Cards?
How did you come to the decision to orphan House of Cards?
Did you ever anticipate the overwhelming fan reaction to House of Cards?
How do you feel knowing that House of Cards is one of the most read fanfictions on Ao3?
What do you want House of Cards to be remembered for?
What do you hope people take away from House of Cards?
Why do you think House of Cards became so popular?
I had to go back and watch it. It's been some time since I last have, and I'm still as amazed by it now as I was back then. The trailer is insane. I cannot imagine how much work went into making it. It's so good and it fits the vibes of the story to perfection. I think the first time I watched it, I was in shock. I must have repeated it at least 10 times in a row, just to make sure it was real and I wasn't imagining it. Then I think I screamed about it on my social media accounts, haha~ If you reading this have not watched the trailer, consider doing so. I promise you won't be disappointed.
Back when I first started posting fanfics, I used to get a lot of asks wanting to know my name, my pronouns, stuff like that. I thought by adding my name at the end of the stories, it would help cut down on these requests. But I also did so because I used to get a lot of asks referring to me as 'author-nim' and I didn't like being addressed by this honorific. I'm not Korean so I have no right to receive that honorific. So, I included my real name so readers could address me with it when sending me asks and interacting with me. I don't add my name at the end of my stories now, but my name is in my Twitter bio for those that want to know.
When I finished it, I felt relieved! I was so calm in the moment! Looking back on it, I can't remember much. But I do remember finishing House of Cards without any issues. The final chapters flowed smoothly, it all clicked into place, and I had a great time writing them.
I came to the decision to orphan the story after several nights of contemplation. I was considering deleting the story, along with a few others, but my partner and some friends told me I shouldn't do so. They suggested orphaning it instead. So, I did so. I didn't want to delete it in case readers that had started it had not gotten to finish it yet. I would've felt very mean robbing them of the opportunity to finish the story like that. I don't regret orphaning it instead of deleting it. I didn't want to destroy the story, I just needed some distance between me and the story.
I didn't anticipate it, and I still don't understand it! I'm shocked that House of Cards got the reaction that it received. Do I think it's a good story? Yes, I think that I worked hard to create a story that is enjoyable to read. But did I ever think it would get the reaction it did? Not in a million years! I thought that it would be one of my more popular stories because a) the pairings and b) the content. Gang stories usually tend to get a lot of attention because it's a popular genre in fanfiction. I just didn't expect it to reach such a vast amount of hits, kudos and comments.
I'm in shock that it is one of the most read stories on AO3. I don't think I will ever be able to create another story that will garner that kind of attention and feedback. It's a once in a lifetime thing, so I'm immensely proud of myself for achieving such a feat. But really, it's all because of the readers that it achieved such a goal. I'm so thankful for every single one of them.
I just want it to be remembered for being enjoyable, I think. I don't have any grand and lofty ambitions for the story. I think so long as the readers enjoyed it, that is all that matters.
I'm not sure what I would like readers to take away from House of Cards. I guess I want them to reflect on the idea of morality and that not everything is black-and-white. Good people can do bad things, and bad things can happen to good people. It's hard to answer this question because House of Cards isn't a story that I consider to have deep messages in it? There are no messages about acceptance and love and healthy relationships and such, like some of my other stories.
Honestly? I don't know what made it get so popular. I assume it's because of the pairings or the setting of the story. I know that a lot of readers say they love the story because of how well it's written, but I can't comment on that as the creator, haha~ I can't say my story is well-written as I'm not consuming it from an outside perspective. What I can say is that I do think I created a story that has a lot of twists and turns and betrayals, which I think adds to the enjoyment factor.
How are you now in 2020? Are you writing professionally in real life at all? 
How do you feel BTS fanfiction has changed over time? Since you’ve been writing for it for so long. 
Do you have any messages for people who may read this interview in the future?
I'm not writing professionally. I have self-published two books via Amazon and Lulu. One was a basic re-branding of my story babes in the woods. The other was a total rewrite of Brotherhood, which I called 'Brothers,' featuring a whole new setting and roster of characters. I published them as readers showed an interest in reading original stories. I have been considering rewriting House of Cards as an original work in the future, but I can't say for certain that I will do so.
Since I started writing, I think there's been a lot of changes in the fandom—not only in fanfiction but in general. There's been popular trends that have come and gone (I was around for the explosion of social media and text-based AUs, which I personally am not a fan of) but there's also been a lot of push for more inclusive content. I'm really happy by the amount of inclusive content that I see these days. Despite some pushback from non-queer fans that sometimes have an issue with queer subject matter (for example, trans characters) I think it's wonderful that artists of all colours, genders and sexualities are now proudly creating content they want to see, and not simply just what is 'in demand' from the fandom.
The message that I would like to share with readers of this interview is: stay healthy, stay happy, and most importantly, stay you. I also want to take this moment to tell them this - if you are considering becoming a creator, but you are worried about reception to your work, or that it might not be good enough, stop right now! Stop doubting yourself and just give it a shot! I was once like you, scared that my weird and niche interests and writing would be ignored or even mocked by the fandom because no one would like it. Had I not decided to take the plunge, my life would be so drastically different. I've made so many friends, fallen in love, and completely changed my life by creating fan content. It can be scary, but once you take the leap, you will find your feet coming down on solid earth without any danger.
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raisansgrapeon · 3 years
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My Views on Some of the Cast of the DSMP
We got a lot of things flying left, right, and center right now about characters in the dream smp fandom and I love it. I love seeing the perspectives and the stances and everyone's opinions as long as we're all being civil about it. So, I'm civilly putting in my two cents about... Well... Everything. But mainly just Ghostbur, Phil, and Techno since this post would get obscenely long if I did everyone.
I'd like to just say one thing about my approach to this story:
The characters are morally ambiguous. No one is the good guy. No one is the bad guy. No one is an exception.
Yes, even Dream falls under this.
These are all people, and I always hesitate to call people bad or good in real life because there is so much more beyond what I can see of them, and I think it's a testament to the wonderful acting, improv, writing, and character establishment/writing that it can get me to see fictional block men who do things like claim their mother is a salmon and fill their palaces with flamingos as people.
With that information, I say that I love every character for who they are in the context of the narrative and how they play their role in said narrative.
And I love how each and every one of them are in the wrong somehow in some way.
Ghostbur is suffering the loss of everything he built, technically, a fourth time over.
First with Dream's initial explosion of L'Manburg, second with the actual explosion of L'Manburg, third with the explosion of Logstedshire, and finally with the final explosion of L'Manburg. He's hurting and yes, we all feel immensely bad for this little amnesiac ghost boy who only ever wrote books and built what he loved.
But he acknowledges that he's also hurt people. He knows that. That's why he wants to be resurrected. Even if he forgets conversations, impressions and residual feelings and ideas still hold over, since he clearly didn't just forget about his desire to be resurrected after he forgot his spat with Phil. He recontextualizes his desires and feelings under new sources but the idea of, this is the only way I can make everyone feel better, still lingers. Fundy told him that he needed to stop running away from his problems and face them. He may have forgotten that conversation, but the idea that who he is and what Ghostbur, as an entity, represents is hurting everyone, lingers.
Ghostbur has hurt people. Not of malicious intent, but intent does not dictate the feelings and actions of those around you in response to your own actions. Ghostbur uses his blue to forget his sorrows, and that action cuts those around him off from the emotional reconciliation Ghostbur knows they need from him.
Even then, who he is is not primed to deal with the fallout that would come if he even had voluntary control over his amnesia. Ghostbur insists he's not Alivebur, but he kinda is in a way. Both are very rigid in their beliefs when their mind is made up. There is no negotiation afterwards. Ghostbur's fundamental ideals have been locked in from the start of his existence. He makes others happy, and he restores L'Manburg. The idea that he no longer has the capability to do either of these things as he is now lingers without context. A ghost of a conversation forgotten that got held onto as the only good thing to come out of it.
Ghostbur is not 100% good. He's airheaded and well meaning, but he's never addressed the core issues that he caused.
Phil is trying to prevent what happened to his son from ever happening again.
Phil is a bigger picture man. He sees the world around him as a collective that works together to maintain itself. He doesn't have many personal ties beyond Techno and Wilbur in canon. He truly acts like a third-party hanging above the fray watching as the tides of war ebb and flow. He sees the corruption and sickness that lies within L'Manburg that killed his son thrive long after the mad king had been struck down. He held hope that in the wake of tragedy, Tubbo and the citizens would turn the tides, but they proved him wrong. What killed his son tried to kill his friend, and Phil was going to stop it.
But Phil was too zoomed out to see the personal aspect that L'Manburg held. He was too focused of the bigger picture to remember that Friend was in his house. He couldn't see L'Manburg as the home of many. He was still too detached from the feelings of the people to understand why Ghostbur was upset in the first place. The conversation between the two was not about Phil trying to get Ghostbur to understand why L'Manburg needed to go, it was Ghostbur trying to get Phil to understand why this was not the right option.
Philza has hurt people. He hurt his son by not only aiding in the destruction of his son's home and Friend, but also refusing to see the individuals in the conflict. He hurt Fundy by rejecting him the moment he realized that his grandson was following the tide of battle in the wrong direction. In the end, Phil never chose to see the situation from any other perspective other than his own.
He's disjointed and disconnected from the world around him. He truly loves and cares for two, at one point three, people on the server canonically and beyond that is an ambiguous blur. This isn't really his battle, in all honesty. He came when he saw that Wil was gonna do something everyone would regret, and he tried to step in and stop it, but beyond that, he was never there for anything. He never cared about L'Manburg and he never cared about its people. He's kind and caring to those in passing and he has a sense of nobility and honor where he respects and helps those who helped him. Still, he sees the world around him as a collective, and rarely anything more.
Philza is not 100% good, but he's not 100% bad. He's principled and intelligent, but he has no concept of how his actions affect the individual beyond the collective.
Techno has been abandoned and played like a fiddle this whole time.
Technoblade is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most straightforward character in the smp in terms of motivation. He is explicit and blatant about his anarchy and goals. Yet, somehow, everyone keeps falling into the thought that Techno is a naturally passive force that can be activated into action. In actuality, Techno is very proactive. He prepares and plans beyond wartime. He acts swiftly and precisely. He follows Sun Tzu's tenants faithfully. He does not idle and sticks to his most recent plan to a T if he thinks he can win.
But Techno doesn't see outside himself. He knows what works for him but is blind to others' needs and desires. Anarchy is how Techno can live comfortably, but not everyone can and certainly not everyone in the server. He plays by his rules and rational and imposes those thoughts onto others, not understanding when they act contrary to his understanding and thus rules them to being irrational on purpose. That they just want to ruin his life.
Techno has hurt people and we all know this. Everyone here believes that Techno betrayed them not when he wouldn't join their government, but when he wouldn't leave well enough alone. He did that too late. If he had conceded at the end of the Manburg-Pogtopia war that he did what he was called to do and just left for retirement in the first place, he could've lived just fine. But he's proactive, and he felt betrayed by them when they instantly instilled not only a new leader, but one under the same format and structure that had already failed twice. But who ever said that was his problem?
Techno, as well as everyone but especially Techno, sees himself as the one in the right all the time. He doesn't regret a single thing he's done, at least not anywhere I've seen. He is sure in his beliefs, lifestyle, principles, and logic. He enforces these on other's and sees them as ignorant and dumb for thinking different to him. It takes a lot for him to let bygones be bygones, and it's easy to provoke him into action. Albeit, none of this is helped by the literal chorus of voices constantly memeing in his head, but my point still stands.
Technoblade is not 100% bad, nor is he 100% good. He's motivated and honest, but he doesn't think about other's preferences having the possibility of having a logic behind them.
I could go on and on with nearly every main player in this story but this is what I have off the top of my head.
Basically: no one is good. No one is bad. They all make mistakes as a result of their flaws and those mistakes negatively affect real people in real ways. And I wouldn't have them act any other way.
Your favorite doesn't need to be a saint. You don't have to bend over backwards to defend your fave in order to make them the morally correct person in any given situation. Let yourself love a rich, flawed character. Because they deserve to be loved for their flaws and all.
They deserve to be loved as people.
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trulycertain · 3 years
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fic writer interview
Tagged by @skogrr Thank you very much! It's a while since I've done one of these, and I've missed them.
Name: Tru/"Oi you" Fandoms (that I write for): Dragon Age, mostly. Still the fandom of my heart. Mass Effect, Deus Ex... uh, accidentally GreedFall? I don't know how or when that happened. Two-shot: Hmm... The actual last two-shot I wrote was Terms & Conditions, a very silly Dorian/Inquisitor modern AU where Gal is the guy Dorian hires to stop his late father's house falling apart. Recently? I suspect that's going to be Driftwood, which can stand on its own as a sort of weird post-canon first-meeting AU, but is trying to tempt me to continue it. (Vasco ends up going looking for Tír Fradí, which has disappeared - and finds it. He also finds De Sardet as a highly avoidant tree god of the island, post-Bad Ending, who transformed against her will. And he ends up falling in love with her anyway.) Weird tree gods! Pining by literal pine! An eventual happy ending! More grumpy commentary by Vasco!
Most popular multi-chapter: Either An Unquenchable Flame or Distraction, probably - both juggernaut pairings, the former close to the game's release and the latter with some fancy forbidden romance, so not so surprising. But surprisingly, Prague, 10:42 PM has done really well, considering it's for a small fandom (Deus Ex) and a rarepair age/rank-difference pairing that I thought would be a one-off experiment? I get it, guys. I like sad repressed stoics too.
Actual worst part of writing: Editing - which can be fun, but that "over and over" stage when you're about to post, especially in a longfic if you fear you've lost the spirit of the thing and the character voices and you can't see the wood for the trees. And when I have to remove a whole scene which Jenga-unbalances the fic, and then I have to redux from the top. Basically, most things to do with pacing. How you choose your titles: I like double-meanings and one word titles. If that fails: quote from a song. If that fails: quote from poetry, but very rarely. Do you outline: Only a little. A bulletpointed list of events or noted-down major lines of dialogue, that's usually it.
Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: Uh... oh god. I blame so many people for some of these.
Post-Destroy ending where John is attempting to build a shed on Rannoch because that's the kind of thing retired people do, right? and Tali is far better at it than him, and it's just... disgusting fluff.
Actually, just reduxing the early John/Tali stuff with a bit more nuance and a stronger style.
Eva and Kaidan, and their mutually wary first meeting. ("Wow, that's a lot of pomade." "Wow, that's a lot of death-glare.")
AU where Gal and Dorian never met in DAI, and after everything went down, Gal tried to fade into the shadows and leave. He ended up working in Tevinter as an occasional informant/odd-jobs guy the way he was pre-Inquisition. He ends up being a gardener for a bitter, wry magister who seems to hate the entire Magisterium, has recently lost his father to political scheming and murder, and wants to take down the entirety of the remaining Venatori with one staff and maybe his teeth if he has to (hi, Dorian). But first, Dorian's going to drink his own body weight in whiskey and be a recluse for a while and start thinking about time magic again. Gal is trying to keep his head down and should definitely not be falling in love with said magister. Who's someday going to end up at one of the more southerly ports, come across a statue of the great Inquisitor, and go, Oh.
Stuff on Jensen's PT and rebuilding himself post-augs. More of Proprioception, basically.
Mer-AU where Marie De Sardet is still a diplomat attempting to make new connections, just not a human one, and it's a disaster. An awkward disaster. Highlights include her being framed as the beast trying to drown their best captain; her attempting to wobble about on brand-new legs and Vasco's coat while everyone assumes the dear captain has had a few too many; her asking Vasco if his "fascinating markings" glow; them getting into a duel, and her (fondly) getting punted off the side of the ship going "Woo-hoo." OK, I wrote a bit of that, but only a 1k doodle I'll probably never return to.
Non-Naut court AU where Marie gets promised to Bastien D'Arcy, because he's a bit of a layabout but he's also rich, popular at court, and amenable to bribe - [cough] suggestion, and the D'Arcys have prominent trading links with the Alliance. Instead she falls for his far less of a social butterfly, tired, worried-numbers-guy brother Léandre, who's pretty damn uncomfortable around Nauts because he's well aware he nearly got sold to them and he is not the favourite.
Straight-up role-reversal AU (another thing where I've put down 1k that I'll probably never return to), where Marie's Naut name is Paz, and she's a fed-up second-mate who's tired of noble idiots and feels a little strange and conflicted about her mark (and has context for it, because they make frequent crossings to Tír Fradí). Also a little more jaded, without the love of her mother, and not nearly as much of a tryhard as Vasco in canon; she ended up here because she had nowhere else to go and the Nauts were like "Ooh, free kid," and she's well aware. She gets stuck escorting the D'Arcy brothers to Tír Fradí for their new venture and is not looking forward to it. Except one of them is intensely bright and wry and keeps asking questions about the ship and noticing shit he is definitely not meant to notice, and they keep ending up in strange conversations, even if he seems really, really wary and uncomfortable about Nauts.
Some vague stuff about Vasco's thoughts on Jonas and that whole side quest, considering he's also a sea-given and implies sea-given take some shit in the Nauts, and also how damn difficult it must be watching a sea-given's parents endeavour to get their kid back when he knows full well his didn't do that for him.
Actually, just more Vasco POV in general, even though he's damn hard to nail down. I've written much pining for him from Marie's perspective, and I'd like to try things from the opposite. This guy's idea of wooing someone perfectly normally is to panic and then recite Baroque poetry. You know he's sappy as hell in the privacy of his own head, even if he's trying not to be.
Jean and Síora having the "I'm a sad healer who just lost my mother and I'm trying so hard not to crumble under the weight of assisting the leader" mutual talk way too late at night around the campfire and maybe him crying on her shoulder a little, with mutual kindness and the beginnings of attraction, and her finally getting past his jokey-smug facade to understand him.
More stuff about Jean's past in general, and how he wanted to be a doctor before he was dragged away from it by looking after Constantin and being nobility.
Síora and Eseld and the ways they changed over the years; something like an exploration of grief and growing her own will and the ways they very differently view the renaigse. Also maybe more about the en ol menawi magic, if I can worldbuild well enough?
I'd also love to do a GreedFall soulmark AU - it's generally not my kind of trope, I'm not into biological determinism type tropes - just because names and aliases and assumed identities are such a mess in GreedFall and it's a repeated plot point. That said, I feel like it's been done so beautifully in this fandom before that I wouldn't have much to add.
Callouts @ me: So. Many. Commas. So much over-explaining everything. If they get out of the car, your readers do not need a five-page manual of "and then he undid his seatbelt and leaned over to grasp the door handle, and then pulled it, and then stepped a foot out before he almost thought better of it - but no, he was going to get out of this car. The other foot joined the first, and he nearly banged his head on the doorframe."
Best writing traits: People say I have a head for finding small-but-important moments. I'm also told I write likeable protags. People have more than once said my writing makes them feel safe or makes them smile, and I really couldn't ask for more than that. I'll take those.
Spicy tangential opinion: I don't think I have any, really? Oh god, that makes me sound so very boring. Oh! Um. There should be more tree body horror in fandom. And body horror in general. *thumbsup*
No pressure tagging: @artemis-crimson, @eridanidreams,@rainypixel, @aphreal42.
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ourstarscollided · 3 years
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jatp fanworks appreciation - day 3 (wips)
wip wednesday - I didn’t think I wanted to join in on this day for my own stuff considering I’ve never posted anything original for this fandom, but I think this might just be the little boost I need from myself to actually finish the wips that I have sitting around. I am peer pressuring myself and holding myself accountable by posting this - or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. Most of the past 6 mths has just been me screaming to no one in a Google Doc, so here are some things I’ve been ruminating about over the last 6 months (and if my secret agenda is to get other people to write about it so I don’t have to? Then that’s between you and me).
Everything’s under a read more because I like giving context and that usually spirals out of control!?!?
If you would like to see more from any of the below, feel free to shoot me an ask/message and I can definitely share some more! (Or you can just come yell at me about JATP in general.)
Strangers Fake Dating AU // Julie x Luke
I’m a simple person. I see a prompt, I latch onto it, and then I completely miss the entire point of the prompt as my imagination goes wild for no real reason. This really was supposed to be a super short drabble, but it manifested into a 3k+ thing that isn’t even finished.
Julie’s not really sure what she’s supposed to do now. Nothing has ever prepared her for a situation in which she’s supposed to pretend to be a stranger’s girlfriend, especially if that situation involves parents. Does she continue this ruse? Can she come up with a quick enough excuse to tell this Luke character that she actually can’t stay? What if this is just all an elaborate plan to kidnap her? Has she been listening to too many true crime podcasts? Why does Luke smell so good? Does he know how to cook? Why does his shirt not have sleeves? What-
“I can hear you thinking from here.” Her head whips up at the sound of Luke’s voice, which is now at a whisper and kind of frantic. “I just- I just really needed to get my mom off my back, so I kinda need you to pretend to be my girlfriend. Just for the night. I swear I’ll make it up to you somehow.”
Julie studies Luke’s face and it’s nearly impossible to not cave under his gaze, which can only be simply described as ‘puppy dog eyes’. She finds herself smiling back, letting out a huff, “I hope you like lasagna.” And the grin that spreads across the boy’s face is enough for her to know that he’s incredibly relieved that she agreed.
“I’m Luke by the way. Luke Patterson.”
(Okay, he’s kinda cute. And no one this cute is a serial killer. Right?)
She gives a small smile back, “I’m Julie.”
//
5+1 alive!Juke AU // Julie x Luke
Inspired by paper - LANY
This is one of the first things I ever felt the urge to write down back in September because I love exploring the idea of how two people can appear to be the perfect relationship on the outside, but are actually fighting their own demons. Especially when it comes to celebrities and people who are in the spotlight. It’s basically a 5+1 fic about the moments from other people’s perspectives who happen to orbit around Julie/Luke that all revolve around paper. My outline for this is so long because I can’t manage to narrow it down, and there’s zero cohesiveness but I do have little things jotted down.
“Hey little man,” Luke’s knelt down to match his 5 year-old height, and a hand extends out to him for a high five, “What are you doing here?”
His eyes flicker to the left, towards his own apartment door, where his mom is giving him an encouraging nod. “ I- I just wanted to-” he stutters and finds himself looking at his feet as he shuffles back and forth on the spot. “I- I drew you guys something!”
He shoves the paper out towards the older boy in front of him, but doesn’t look up.
//
Reincarnation AU // Julie x Luke
I had a random thought in December about how magical it is that Julie and Luke are so tied to one another that their love transcends time and space, which will always lead them back to one another. I remember reading a book a long time ago about how the main character is fated to die at a certain age, and that kind of sparked this little idea. I can’t bring myself to actually plot out every single timeline right now, but I did manage to write a little bit.
It will never be as complex as Rosie’s idea and all the wonderful additions in the link here, and I don’t really plan on it being anything more than a small idea. But I really do still think someone should write some sort of reincarnation AU cause I’d hop on that so fast!!
“Okay- that’s not- Luke. You seriously just ran away?”
“What was I supposed to do Alex? We all know how this ends.”
His friend looks at him, face painted in understanding and he sighs, “Yeah. Yeah, we do.”
Because it’s true, Alex does know, so does Reggie and Bobby. Most importantly, so does Luke. It’s the exact same tragic love story every time.
Call it a curse or fate or destiny. Maybe it’s because Mercury is in retrograde. Whatever. It always ends the same way - with a heartbreaking goodbye, a whisper of the promise that they’ll find each other again, and the possibility of a happy ending. He’s said the same goodbye at least 734 times, but it’s not like he’s counting or anything. Fuck the universe and its mystical ways.
//
Competitive Alex // Alex x Willie
No real thoughts or reasons for this other than I just think I self-projected my need to play board games with people in real life into a fic. And maybe a little bit of my competitiveness onto Alex and then threw in Willie because I think he would be able to handle it while also finding it endearing. I also have written nothing about the actual competitiveness, it’s just 2k words of Alex crushing on Willie.
“Wait,” his eyes dart between the three boys, “You both know Willie? How come I’ve never met him?”
His roommates look at each other, and there’s a smirk on Luke’s face when he says, “Actually Alex, I think you have. Remember that time you got really drunk after one of our shows?”
Oh no. He really hopes that it’s not the time he’s thinking of, so he tries to sound nonchalant. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Luke.”
“The night we played at that tiny bar at the edge of the campus! We got paid in those tiny colourful shots?” He doesn’t really know where Luke is going with this, so he’s slowly nodding along. “And you were super upset that the hot dog vendor at the end of the street was closed?”
//
Dear Julie, Love Mom series
I made myself sad with this thought when I first watched the show and was talking to my friend about how I think that Rose would’ve left messages for the Molina family, especially when we found out that Wake Up was actually from her mom. I wrote a bigger explanation for it here.
Anyways, I started with the one for Julie’s wedding and it kind of became an 8k monster with three different POVs?!? As much as I love how I wrote this, I feel too unsure about my writing to share it in full, so you will get carefully selected looks alkfe. (I’m also kind of stuck on some of the more emotional scenes and I may or may not have procrastinated by photoshopping a moodboard for it.)
Excerpt 1 (Julie POV): A look into where I’m going with this whole letters from Rose thing.
The key clicks into place, and with a turn, the latch falls open. She’s not sure what she wants to find in the box, and she’s too scared to think about it really. All she knows is that this was the sign from her mom that she was waiting for all week, and in true Rose fashion, her mom had managed to give it to her, even if at the last second. Her dad turns the box to face Julie, and gestures to her to open up the lid.
Tucked inside is a VHS tape, the words ‘For Julie, on your wedding day’ written in her mom’s cursive on the cover. Some loose glitter and confetti fall back into the box as she reaches in to pick up the tape and turn it over in her hands. There’s a little purple butterfly etched on the back, the same one that’s been drawn on all the other messages that her mom had left her. Her finger automatically finds its way, tracing the shape of the small doodle.
“Do you want me to leave you alone, mija?”
Excerpt 2 (Julie POV): This part has absolutely nothing to do with the main plot of the story, but it self-inserted itself into this fic after @tangledstarlight and I talked about You’re Still the One by Shania Twain being their first dance. This whole scene came to me at 4am one night and might be the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written.
They knew that when they had asked Reggie to be in charge of the first dance performance, that they (and Alex) weren’t allowed to veto any of his ideas. Luke had warned Julie that that would be a mistake, but the giddiness that radiated off of Reggie when she had told him he could have free reign was worth it. She just hadn’t thought that he would actually take it to heart and run with it.
Sure, they had chosen You’re Still the One by Shania Twain as their first dance song, and sure it was more or less a country song, but she didn’t really imagine that she’d be staring at her adoptive brother, Carlos and her Dad wearing cowboy hats and boots at her wedding. They had somehow managed to ditch their Flynn-approved suit jackets and were sporting a taupe-coloured suede-textured vest over their dress shirts. If she looked closely, she could see that they had somehow also found some gaudy looking bolo ties with a matching set of ornamental clasps to wear. When she envisioned her wedding, she really didn’t expect that her first (public) dance as a married couple would be a full-on Western themed occasion. The only exception was Alex, who had settled on his cajon in the back, still in his pink suit, eyes rolling when she met his gaze. But even she knew how there was no real annoyance in the blonde’s reaction or else he wouldn’t also be wearing one of the tacky ties around his neck as well.
“I’m gonna seriously kill him.” She hears Luke grumble under his breath, only low enough for her to hear. But she’s still too busy giggling to actually be mad, and she knows that Luke isn’t really going to kill Reggie. At least she doesn’t think so.
Excerpt 3 (Luke POV): Idk man. My mind went “What about Luke?” and I said “You’re right!! What about him?!?”
He doesn’t realize that he’s just been silently staring at the woman in front of him, until a gentle voice breaks him out of his thoughts. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Julie’s peering at him from under her eyelashes, a curious look on her face.
“You just-” he gives a little shake of his head, trying to come up with the right words. He wants to tell her she’s beautiful. Stunning. A wicked beauty. But she’s more than that - she’s almost angelic. “I can’t believe you’re my wife.”
“Luke, we’ve been legally married for like, a whole year.” Her lips are quirked up in a grin, amusement in her voice. “You’ve only just realized that now?”
“That’s different.”
“Yeah? Different how?”
This feels a little strange to post and a little like my inner self seeking validation but let’s not talk about that.
Kskssj anyways present me @ future me: finish one of these because writing has been really cathartic for you and you didn’t think it would bring you so much joy!!!
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