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maxidentscene · 2 years

Text

you fall asleep on him

⚘ genre. fluff

⚘ members. ot8

⚘ warnings. I didn’t proofread pls forgive me lmfao

chan wishes he could stay like this with you forever, but he’s a busy man

You had fallen asleep on his lap, per usual. It was always a hit or miss with you, he took chances every time he let you rest in his lap while he worked, enjoying the feeling of your arms wrapped around his neck but he could never complain

In his ideal world, Chan would hold you like this every night, feel the way your breathing slows to a steady rhythm as you drift off farther and farther. It was one of his favorite things in the universe yet he could rarely actually experience it since he’s constantly running around

He cherishes the few minutes that he can spare whenever you do this, wrapping his arms around your frame and resting his head on top of yours. Someday he’ll get to the point where he can stay as long as he wants, but for right now he’ll use that desire as motivation to work and earn that luxury

But unfortunately, for right now at least, duty calls and he has a few tracks to work on. He can’t really do that well with you on him, so he basks in your body heat a few seconds longer before pushing his chair away from the desk

“Sorry about this, pretty,” he breathes into your ear as he hoists you up, laying you down on the couch in the studio and slipping on some headphones to protect your ears from any sudden sounds that may come up while he’s working

lee know gives the biggest glare to anyone who breathes too loud around you

As soon as Minho notices that you’re softly snoring against his neck, it’s like flames appear around him. He goes into attack mode, keeping himself still and rubbing circles into the skin of your side while scanning the room for any threats

For a while, he can remain calm and confident that no one can disturb your sleep since most of the members were out doing their own things. As soon as he heard the door click open, his eyes narrowed, quick to look for the source of the noise because he just knew they’d be loud to announce their presence no matter who it was

“Shut the fuck up,” he uttered quietly but loud enough for Jeongin to hear as the younger appeared in front of the sofa, smirking down at the two of you cuddled up like a bunch of lovebirds. “Not a word.”

Putting his hands up in defense, he backs off because the killer look in Minho’s eyes is a little too intense to mess with. He minds his own business, putting his stuff away and heading to the bedroom to leave you two at peace

This occurred again and again as more members came piling in, your boyfriend spitting empty threats when he’d hear someone kick off their shoes or slam the fridge shut harder than necessary. He’s your protector to put it simply

changbin takes pictures in every angle he can muster

The moment he realizes that you’re snoozing away on his lap, Changbin restrains himself from jumping up with glee. He’s dreamed about cute, small moments like this with you where you finally felt safe enough to be so vulnerable with him

You look too adorable, cheek slumped against his leg, arm hanging off of the couch. He made sure the flash and sound were off before snapping photos of you from the left, the right, the front. Anything to catch your peaceful face

After calming down and putting the phone to the side, he soaked up the sentimental moment, a loving smile spread across his face while he massaged the back of your neck. It made him feel a sense of pride to know that you trusted him enough to do something like this, even if it wasn’t that big of a deal

Naturally, he does everything in his power to make you as comfortable as possible during your little nap. A blanket is thrown across your figure, a pillow is placed on his lap underneath your head and the tv was turned down to avoid loud noises. “What a little baby,” he cooed down at you

He loved it though. Scrolling through the pictures was the best part of the experience, picking the best one to make his lock screen and refusing to delete any of them despite the fact that there were around a hundred taken

hyunjin doesn’t even notice that you’re asleep until you don’t respond to him

In his defense, the movie that the two of you were watching was really good. His reactions had been over the top, so heavily captivated by the storyline that he hadn’t noticed how still you were

Your weight against his shoulder was something that he got used to fast, he was free space for you to lounge around on, more than happy to accommodate you in his hold. Honestly, he just figured that you were ignoring his ooh’s and ah’s. “That’s something you would do,” he laughed at the screen, turning his head to see your reaction only to be met with your closed eyelids

He froze then and there, studying your form and wondering if he should stay like this or move so that your neck didn’t hurt when you woke up from the weird angle

Ultimately, he would’ve felt like a criminal if he had let you sleep so uncomfortably. You waking up to a sore neck all because he decided not to help fix your position would probably fill him with years of guilt. Yes, it was that serious

So, slowly but surely, he laid you on your back across the couch and propped your head up with a pillow. Throwing a blanket over you and kissing your forehead, he eagerly hit play and got back to the movie

han falls asleep with you

The both of you, just like everyone else in the shared space, were so tired from your recent travels that you couldn’t fight sleep any longer. Han had sprawled out on his bed as soon as he entered his room, stomach sinking into the mattress and head shoved under the pillow

You stared down at your exhausted boyfriend with love in your eyes. “That flight was intense,” you yawned, to which he yawned back almost immediately

“I could probably sleep for 2 years straight,” his muffled voice made you laugh in response, watching as his body visibly relaxed. You debated getting changed into different clothes, but truthfully your eyelids were getting heavier the longer you stood in front of the bed

You followed suit, laying on top of him and snuggling into his side. Wordlessly, the two of you fell into the deepest sleep that you’ve had all week. It was a sweet sight and all of the guys witnessed it, Chan being the snitch and telling the whole house to come and look at the two of you

The boys all gathered by the doorframe, impressed that Jisung could just sleep soundly despite his partner being right on top of him. Of course, they took their own equal rounds of photos and videos for later blackmail usage but they decided against being total dicks, quick to clear the room and let you get the rest you clearly needed

felix has experience, he’s used to being used as human melatonin

Talking to Felix was so easy. He made it easy to come to when you felt stressed, sad, angry because he was good at empathizing while also searching for small ways to resolve your problem. This time around, you complained about sleep

Hearing that you hadn’t slept well the past few days put a frown on his face, his eyebrows furrowed with concern. Although he wished that you told him sooner, the need and urge to help soothe you and get you to sleep took over and before you knew it, you were draped in fuzzy blankets

“I help the members sleep all the time,” he kissed the spot under your ear, pulling you close enough to smother you in the warmth of his chest. The soft sound of his heartbeat relaxed your racing mind, his fingers coming up to your back and scratching lightly. “I guess I’m so boring that it puts people to sleep.”

You snicker with him, lightly slapping his arm. “You could never be boring,” Felix smiles down at you. He loves when you say pretty words like this. “You’re just comfy, you know? Sweet and kind and warm. Like a teddy bear.”

He also happens to love your tired rambling, quick to shush you and lull you to sleep so you can stop keeping yourself awake. Once he realizes that you’ve become a bit limp in his arms, he sighs in content before dozing off himself

seungmin does not let you nap in peace

Ruthless teasing is just in Seungmin’s nature, he jumps at every opportunity that is handed to him. This one is no different, you’re fast asleep against his arm and he just isn’t having it. Maybe it was rude and he should let you sleep, but you promised that you’d watch the baseball game with him so really, this is on you

He starts by tickling the area behind your neck gently with his fingers, retracting as soon as you squirmed in your sleep, careful not to get caught. Doing it again only bit him in the ass as you shot a glare up at him, wrapping your arms tighter around him. “Stop messing with me.”

“You said you’d watch this with me,” he whispered down at you, swiping his thumb against your cheekbone gently before tugging at the skin. You whined out and decided to just move altogether, throwing yourself onto the other side of the bed away from him

Your efforts failed as he followed you over, snaking his arms around you and pressing you flush against him. “You promised!” He protested, ticking your sides and watching in satisfaction as you thrashed around in his arms, desperate to just get away from him

Annoying you was his favorite thing to do but he also knew his limits, soon retracting his hands before patting your head and pulling the comforter over you. The match didn’t matter as much as he made it seem, anyway

jeongin remains unbothered and allows you to attach to him like a koala

The bed dipped near his legs as you settled yourself down on the bed, laying your head on the back of Innie’s thigh as he laid on his stomach, his fingers moving all over his phone as he played a mobile game

It wasn’t surprising to feel you wrap your limbs around his leg, you always became such a needy baby when you were tired and he was sure to remind you every single time. “That’s your spot of choice this time?” You can hear the smile in his voice as he taps away on his game

“Mhm,” your answer was mumbled, teeth digging into his jeans ever so slightly to make him jump, eliciting a laugh from the back of your throat at his reflex. “Gonna sleep for a bit. Don’t kick me off.”

He would never. You were secretly the cutest thing in the world to him, he relished the feeling of your body heat against his as you curled up into him. He loved the way you latched to him as soon as you felt a little sleepy, it was endearing

“I’ll try not to,” he reaches down to find your hand, squeezing it gently once its in his own before bringing it back up to where he had it originally. He was your safe place and you were more than happy to let his warmth send you to sleep

taglist. @monstaxdirtywonk

#bang chan x reader #chan x reader #lee know x reader #minho x reader #changbin x reader #hyunjin x reader #han x reader #jisung x reader #felix x reader #seungmin x reader #i.n x reader #jeongin x reader #skz x reader #skz comfort #skz headcannons #skz fluff

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pinkslashersimp · 10 months

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Hello! May I request headcanons for NBC’s Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham with a Venom!fem!reader? The reader has a symbiote like her fellow investigative journalist Eddie Brock, but has not told her partners about her ‘little friend’ or that she eats really, very bad people until another symbiote, Carnage, shows up and attacks them on a night around the town or when they are all about to have dinner in Hannibal’s home? Thank you so much!

╰┈➤ Note: Hello!!! sorry this took so long, I’m volunteering (childcare practitioner) and I work as a chef on the weekend so my spare time is almost none existent 😭 this is my first time writing for someone with powers(???) - which i may start doing in the future bc my Marvel interest has peaked 👀 - so pls forgive me if this isn’t the best or is a little sloppy T-T

✎ Synopsis: You and Eddie both share a dark secret, which Hannibal and Will both suspect may be cannibalism. But when an enemy attacks, how will your work partners react to your true self?

Of course you’d kept it secret, had you told anyone, let alone Hannibal, about your or Eddies “little secret” it’s no doubt you both would’ve been institutionalised immediately.

You were very, very, sneaky about who you ate and where. Picking off rude people you saw in the store, men who are too crude to women, or following drivers who drive like dicks off the road to devour. People nobody would necessarily miss too much. They were never reported as murders, either, just missing.

Since you and Eddie are investigative journalists you would be assigned to these cases with the aid of Hannibal, but would quickly drop them, as there is “insufficient evidence” and it “simply could be anyone”

Hannibal believes you’re both lazy at first, dismissing cases, until he realises there’s a common theme going on between you both. People go missing in the same area, you’re both assigned to the case with his help, and suddenly the case is dropped with you both acting suspicious.

He, of course, does not think you’re symbiote. Just a classic cannibal murderer.

Will has his suspicions too, but instead of believing you’re cannibal murderers he simply believes perhaps you both know something about the missing people that you aren’t saying for whatever reason.

It displeases them both greatly.

Hannibal and Will both agree that the best course of action would be to host a dinner party at Hannibal’s home, to gain trust and open a discussion about the missing people.

And to potentially see if you recognise the taste of human meat…

You and Eddie both turn up to the party, in your smartest attire, ignoring the very sarcastic comments the symbiotes make as you both get ready.

When you are both seated, Hannibal and Will share glances with one another

You and Eddie share a glance too, after tasting the meat, silently confirming exactly what you have both just put in your mouthes. And Hannibal catches onto this.

He glances over at Will again, and before he can say anything a loud crash comes from the back of the dining room, as the window shatters upon impact when a giant, red symbiote with rage in its eyes crashes in

“What the FUCK-!?” Will shouts, pulling out his gun and firing into it as much as he can.

Hannibal stands and quickly moves away from it, as it snarls and takes every bullet from Wills gun. It turns to both you and Eddie as Venom emerges from you both, emerging from your skin like a sick, black, sweat.

Hannibal and Will both stand back in the doorway, watching in confused horror as the three of you fight it out in their dining room, you and Eddie quickly overpower carnage and he turns on his tail and runs out into the night, howling about coming back.

You both turn back and check on each other, before turning to your horrified friends in the corner.

“what the fuck was that…” Will asks, his gun pointed at the both of you, whilst Hannibal desperately tries to process what just happened.

Looks like you’ve both got too much explaining to do.

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #slasher headcanons #hannibal lecter #hannibal headcanons #nbc will graham #will graham headcanons #will graham #hannigram #hannigram x reader #venom #venom reader #marvel venom

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atxxzist · 10 months

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broken | c.s (11)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 5.5k

warning: u alr know

a/n: went off the radar 4 a while only to pull 5k out of my ass. pls give me all the constructive criticisms <3

you were glad to have lost him in the crowd, hiding behind the shoulders of people until your ride showed up and took you back to the dorm--though that was probably a mistake on your part.

because when there's a knock at the door, you know it's him.

you also know you shouldn't open it; shouldn't allow him back in because there's no reason to hear him out.

but a part of you, so hurt by what he did--the scene still playing in your head and the image of it just as painful as the first time, it feels like there's a brick sitting on your chest whilst trying to catch your breath--that you just need some kind of consolation, even if it comes in the form of predictable lies and a bigger inevitable heartbreak.

want him to tell you that it was a mistake, that she was the one who threw herself onto him; that he never meant to hurt you... even if it wasn't a mistake and though he didn't mean to hurt you, he wasn't thinking of you.

"what?" you try to sound angry, maybe even a little bored to hide the fact you cried the entire ride here.

he stands tall outside your room but look the smallest you've ever seen him, dark hair falling over his eyes and speaking in a shameful voice, "can i talk to you?"

you sulk at that, a click of your tongue and turning around to go sit at the edge of your bed with arms crossed, as if there could an explanation for why he was all over someone else when you weren't there.

his hands gripping her hips and face in her neck the way only he's allowed to do to you.

"i promise that her and me are just friends," he says, shutting the door behind him and settling down beside you, but you're so upset and hurt, his leg just slightly brushing yours sparking a reaction like never before, you have to scoot over and put on some kind of distance.

“we’re…” he drags his words before finishing it off, “friends.” a smile settling on him after that makes you feel so sick–whether it’s from how attractive he still looks or how the answer brings out so many other questions.

“friends?” you reiterate like you’re in denial.

“yeah, friends.”

“do friends sleep with each other?” kiss each other, visit one another and spew such sweet, blush-inducing words that conjures up butterflies?

“some friends do.”

when you finally spare him a glance, you have to keep from giving in just at the guilt all over his face and that he actually came after you. but you're fast to renounce immediately when you see that dark, stained mark on his neck again staring back like someone hitting the replay button on your misery once more.

then all that comes out are just cold and bitter words said in the most unamused tone, san even thinks you sound sarcastic.

"she's a friend, i'm a friend, what's the difference?"

the harshness stuns him, though, what else did he expect? because even someone sweet and forgiving like you has a breaking point when pushed too far.

"you're not just a friend, y/n. you're--"

"i'm what?"

you await his answer, possibly a lie that will make you feel better and more special compared to every other girls he messes with. but the disappointment when he remains silence is strong, it consumes you completely.

"well, i'm sorry i ruined the night for you. i finished most of my assignments and just thought maybe we could hang out, but looks like you already got company. so truly, i'm sorry."

"don't say that."

"why not? it's true though. you were occupied when i got there."

"stop staying that!"

the volume picks you up from the seat, his delivery could've fooled anyone that it was just a blind accusation. but you realize; take in, that san doesn't like his own fuck-ups being thrown in his face. no one really does.

"look, i'm sorry. really sorry," he tries again, voice softer, attempting to calm you; calm himself.

but after everything, after building up your trust and filling your fragile heart with so much hope, all he can offer is a sorry. no lies or consolations because none of it was a mistake.

you suddenly feel like it's getting much harder to breathe, the brick on your chest multiplying by a million and cutting the airway.

"y/n?" san calls, his once shameful face turning concerned. "are you okay?"

but you certainly don't feel okay, and you honestly haven't for a long time. if ever. and every episode in the same fashion is a reminder of that.

"it's fine," you manage to let out, a bittersweet smile on and a response that san can't read into. "you didn't do anything wrong."

this isn't a relationship--a proper one at least, and he isn't your boyfriend. the hardest pill to swallow is he didn't have to come after you, didn't have to apologize... because a truth even harder to digest, is that he doesn't owe you anything.

but you can still hurt from it; allow the pain to settle in as if everything he's done with you is only exclusive to you and him. only you can kiss him, mark him, and his hands should only be on your hips. not anyone else.

and you do. you hurt from it so much, tears streaming down your cheeks so quietly but the sight such a sore to watch, san's not sure what to say to make it better.

can he even make it better?

there's nothing to clarify and nothing to add. you very clearly saw everything for what it was: he replaced you, just like that. and the sickest thing is that he did it so mindlessly like it's a habit. because that's what he does.

he didn't think you'd take it this hard, or maybe he was just hoping he wouldn't get caught because breaking you is easy... he's done it before, but he's afraid this is the worst, yet.

"y-you should go," you say suddenly, picking your head up to san's wide eyes staring back at your puffy red ones before you swipe your runny nose.

"i..." he fidgets, "i can't go right now. not with you like this."

he can almost laugh at the absurdity, the irony of it all when he's the reason you're in this state right now. he understands the absolute ridiculousness but he really can't go; leave you like this.

a shake of your head is what you give, along with a tight-lipped smile although the tears are starting to sting and it's still not any easier to breathe.

"go. i'll be fine."

"no."

you wish for once to understand san, what goes on inside his head and how he makes his choices, because no matter how much you find out about him, it seems you never really truly know who he is.

he will say one thing and then does another; do this then tell you that. hurt you then feel bad about it, like he never really means anything.

san confuses you.

and you also wish you're not so weak-hearted to let him stay by your side once more as if he's not capable of hurting you again.

the week has been tense, something unpleasant always in attendance when you're with san, even if he's trying his best to brush it off; ignore it, put a smile on his face and act as if it doesn't bother him, too.

as if the week before, he didn't nearly send you into a panic attack and the sight continuously ingrained in his head, it might've scarred him just a bit.

but you're honestly still not used to it--san actually staying around and constantly checking up on you to make sure everything's okay after what happened.

it's odd he actually gives a shit, but even odder you're starting to recognize the pattern of lovebombing every time he fucks up and you can't even find the willpower to be genuinely upset. maybe just a little tired at this point, but still going along to see where it will take you, a gut feeling that the end is near.

"what are you working on?" san's voice makes you jump, turning the laptop the other way immediately in a panic. moments ago, he was still occupied in his own world, you were so sure he wouldn't be interested in your exciting school works.

"just fixing up my draft for a class," you tell him, having to move the laptop even further when he tries stealing a glimpse again, a loose giggle escaping from his lips at the expression on you.

"what's wrong? don't want me to see it?" he raises a brow teasingly.

"it's just a silly little story," you dismiss, "full of mistakes and a lot of corrections that needs to be made."

"i'm sure it's not that bad. but anything from you, i'll read."

a charming smile rests on him and with words like a spell, you have to keep it together; remind yourself that this is the man who had hurt you and no matter how sweet or convincing he is, there's a chance he's gonna do it again, every seconds spent with him constantly in alert ever since, that if you can hardly say no, you can at least keep from showing any amount of joy or satisfaction around him.

"maybe next time."

he just nods lightly and backs up.

"whenever you're confident enough."

it's all so eerie, you might as well preferred when he treated you like shit instead. it's just unlike san to be so lenient, the offer to hang out having came from him when you had made clear he didn't have to because you would be leaving for work soon anyways.

but he was eager about staying regardless of how short the visit would be, it's hard to be touched when you're not at all convinced it's out of sincerity.

"i have to get ready for work." you close the laptop and search the room for materials you have prepared.

san twitches in his seat and swallows down before speaking.

"i'll come pick you up?"

freezing in your spot at that, you turn to him and shake your head.

"no, it's fine. i'll take a cab home like i always do."

the jab is subtle but san doesn't miss it, a look of shame and guilt on him, but he's fooled you one too many times, you can hardly believe anything anymore.

"please, y/n," he pleads, desperation overriding his features as he stands up and hovers over you, "i don't mind. as long as you let me."

as long as you let me. as if all this time, you weren't waiting for him to do his part; the only thing finally pushing him to act upon it now is when he has to.

"if you want," you give in, and he can tell it's only because you're in a hurry, the cold shoulder unlike anything he's ever experienced before. he can't say he doesn't deserve it, but it's definitely out of place coming from you.

it's also out of place he's even trying to make up; console you, everything of which he usually doesn't do, but he feels he owes you that at the very least... or maybe he's just not ready to let it go, yet.

the comfort, your presence, and the things you do for him. he don't want to let go of how easy everything is with you, he wish for it to last just a little longer despite knowing how it will end, but he is so, so selfish.

"i'll be there."

"wooyoung's party is tonight," you initiate during the third time he's picked you up after a work shift.

"so?" he shrugs.

"you're not going?"

"no."

"oh..." you sigh, slouching in the seat and looking out the window of his car. "if you want to, you can. you're not obligated to--"

"--can we please not talk about that?"

about the very thing that lead you two into the current predicament, no longer in each other arms and staring into the other's eyes lovingly, but with a gaze always so tense and uncomfortable that he's too responsible for.

"san, you don't have to do this. we're not even dating, and i... i don't really care about it anymore," your voice tapers out at the end, so utterly weak, you can't even carry a lie to the last breath because you definitely do still care, and it definitely still hurts like it's the first time.

but to be treated like a responsibility; an obligation he's bind to and have to act upon--it just doesn't sit right. you've already spent way too long being nothing but a burden.

"even if you don't care about it anymore, i feel bad, okay? that was awful of me to do, and i really want to make it up to you. i hurt you, i know i did."

it would be easy to go along with it, the fact he's even trying at all when the relationship is nameless; lacking of label--you should even be grateful to an extent. but the weight is harder to shake off, and every second with the conflict brewing makes you feel as if doom is coming and you're about to burst.

you don't say anything, only merely glancing out the window again to find some form of peace because even the subject is starting to wear you out at this point.

"i won't be attending any more of those parties," he speaks up after you're quiet for too long; the statement making your head snap to him.

"huh? you know you don't--"

"--i know i don't have to, but i wan't to, so please don't try to convince me otherwise."

and maybe the you before he went and fucked up the very last bit of faith you had left in him, would've been moved. but as of currently, you're all too aware of his intentions.

pushed to the edge and the trust in him nearly gone, he understands it will never be the same again. he just wishes even if for the last time, to be in your good grace, because though he doesn't want to let go yet, he don't know for how much longer he'll be able to stay.

the clock is ticking and the distance between you and him is growing more and more.

it would be a lot less painful if he stops everything here; save you the heartbreak and tears that are going to come, but again, he really is such an opportunist, always taking and never giving.

it's poor and tasteless to say that's just how he is, but it's the truth... so he throws himself down; stripped of dignity and pride, and all just for you... for the first and possibly, last time.

"goodnight," he whispers, voice soft and trying to light up the mood before the end of the night, because your eyes are nothing but dead.

"goodnight." it sounds almost like an inaudible and uninterested mumble, the life on you completely different from his.

the both of you just stare at each other, as if waiting for the other person to finally say the last call and end what would usually be a kiss and maybe bodies tangled together in a heated session, but now more like two acquaintances trying to make the best out of the situation.

"are you free tomorrow?" he asks, trying his very best.

and you suppose you've had far too many chances to make things right; lessen the pain and end what is already dead, but the undeniable truth is no matter how much you preach... you're also afraid to let go, if not, more than him.

"yeah."

"is that another story you're working on?" his voice rings in your ear, making your nervous eyes twitch to him.

"san!" you nag, and he only giggles in return, backing away from the screen before you're able to push him yourself.

"what? i just want to see." he shrugs.

"well, keep your eyes away." you nearly roll your own, huffing before switching to another tab.

"is it that bad?" the teasing tone is evident, prompting another glare from you.

"it's not a story. just something for my class."

"hmm," san hums, nodding, "when you said you were free, i didn't expect to be sitting on the side while you finish up class assignments."

"well, when i said free, i meant i'm not going anywhere."

"right." he nods sarcastically, "we should do something."

"like?"

"like going out, or if not, we can watch a movie of your choice, if you want something explicit like last time, i'm fine with that too." he smirks, and you have to hold back from overreacting.

"whatever," you dismiss quietly, handing the laptop over to him.

"you pick. i don't really have anything in mind right now."

but it's a mistake, because instead, san clicks on the document you were working on; the surge of panic making you pry the device from him harshly but he's a fighter, tugging even harder.

"san, if you don--"

with another jerk, you're pressed up against his chest and staring into those coy eyes you're all too familiar with, conjuring up butterflies that's been so long, you almost forgot how he made you feel, with his handsomeness and smile that's too easy to fall into.

he smirks before stealing a kiss to your cheek, releasing the laptop as you fall back gently while the blush crawls out.

"sorry," he says cheekily, but you know he doesn't really mean it.

you attempt to fight the smile at the tip of your lips, biting down to conceal as much as possible, san thinks it's extremely endearing.

it's also been way too long since he's kissed you, and seeing the first genuine reaction in such a long while, nothing reminiscent of hatred or bitterness does make him feel a certain way.

it's only supposed to be dinner at san's place (at first). he invites you and says he wants to do something for the weekend, and it's not like you're going to decline when he's doing everything--as well as picking you up.

it's always casual at first; conversation, gestures, and everything.

you're starting to lose the edges a bit ever since that day, san witnessing more smiles than frowns and you don't look like you completely hate him, so he thinks, maybe things can be good again.

his apartment always feel homey, though you don't always feel welcomed every time... it is very nicely decorated.

roaming the interior and everywhere you guys have been before, you have to keep from really thinking too much; close out the thoughts of who else he brings here and where exactly he kissed them.

rather than forgiving san, you just kind of became... numb to it all.

the reminder isn't as frequent, but every time you do remember, the hit is still sharp and you'd have to catch your breath, but you've just gotten better at acting like it doesn't bother you anymore.

when the aroma from the kitchen finally settles in, it knocks any other thoughts out of your head and becomes the primary focus as you start sniffing the air.

"let me set everything up," san speaks from behind, walking past you to get to the kitchen.

and it starts like that. a nice dinner at his much smaller kitchen island filled with soft laughters and a genuine interest for each other, it's everything you envisioned if things were right.

when he offers some soju, you don't drink too much as the taste of alcohol in general still something you're not used to, but you drink enough to get tipsy.

enough to loosen up and not feel completely like yourself, but also not enough to still know that when san crashes his lips against yours, it's all kinds of wrong that only feels right in the moment.

the one that you will come to regret once you're sober enough and really think. but maybe your life is as messed up as it is because you never really do, always drawn to temptation over logic.

san is going to be your biggest downfall and he won't be the only one at fault.

you kiss him back and throw both arms around his neck, the slight flavor of the drink he had still lingering and you don't miss the scent that comes along with it as he manages to pick you up and throw down your body onto the couch.

you miss the way he feels on your skin, and he misses your skin on his lips, which is why the first kiss delivered to your neck is the only gentle one before he loses himself.

what comes after that is cliche and obvious.

it doesn't feel right but it does feel good. both of you panting and trying to catch your breaths as he snap his hips into yours and gets a curse out of you.

"oh fuck..." you bite down your lower lip and your nails only digs deeper into the skin of his back at the sensation.

so you sleep with him that night, the shame only hitting when the morning sun rises and you awake to his bare chest pressed against your back and his arm wrapped around your waist.

he's still sleeping and he's absolutely beautiful as always.

you wonder, aside from breaking a foolish girl's heart over and over again, what kind of things has san managed to get away with just because he's as mesmerizing as he is.

it would be easy for someone like him.

but shame can only do so much and last for so long before you submit to temptation again and sleeps with him a few more times after as well, just because he's good at pretending you mean something to him, and you're all too good at self destruction and fooling yourself that when he stayed all those nights with you until morning, it's because of something else and not what you already know.

the park is quiet; empty, not a single soul in sight other than you and the boy who came along as the small talks take you both in under the moonlight.

"have you always liked writing?" he asks, and you can't help the scoff that leaves, because when did choi san become so invested in mindless hobbies and things you do to pass time. or in this case, something you still haven't quite grasped that still feels much like a chore because it is tied to a class in the first place.

"no." you shake your head, walking along the narrow path as the summer breeze rustles the branches of the trees.

"i only recall slightly that you like computers."

"kind of. yeah," you confirm short and simple, not about to have that conversation again about why it wasn't meant to be.

san is selfish, in the most vain and obvious fashion that doesn't take a genuis to figure out. you believe he knows so himself and holds very little shame from the fact.

eventually, his mask will unveil and it's not like he ever tried hard enough to hide it because you're also selfish in your own ways.

you may not be calculating like san is, but to have keep him around this long and to say it's not because of your own stupid desires and wants would be a lie.

that you also don't use him to fill the hurt and emptiness in your life, chasing after him so hard because he's the closest to the kind of love you've always wanted.

because if you weren't, you would've let him go.

someone like san won't ever be able to love you, and even if he did, how long would it be until he realizes the commitment to one person is all too much and gets bored?

even now, you wonder if he enjoys the time with you at all. because who would rather hang with you than be out at an obnoxious party? but he can still offer temporary relief, and that's awful of you to say, but he was the first to be selfish and will continue to be until the last breath of the 'relationship' so why can't you also?

time seems like it's closing out and you're not sure how much longer the two of you can play pretend before the inevitible shows itself.

"what about you?" you perk to him, blinking your lashes charmingly. "you talked of dancing and performing before, so how come i've only heard about it once?"

a half scoff half laugh escapes from him and turning his attention to the path instead like you just asked a ridiculous question.

"well, i kind of already told you why, but i just don't got much passion for it nowaday."

“i’m not sure,” is all he says, a small sigh of disappointment escaping from you that goes unheard. “i wanted to major in dance and performance, but…”

“but?”

“but i can’t make a living or lifestyle out of it. so i didn’t.”

"i remember. but if you considered it, the passion must had been there once upon a time."

"oh yeah, definitely."

you hesitate for a second, but there's not a lot to lose at this point.

"i'd love to know, if you don't mind telling me."

it takes another couple of steps, but he does answer with very little objection much to your surprise.

"wooyoung got me into it, believe it or not."

"wooyoung was in on it, too?"

"yeah." san laughs. "i was an even worse dancer before i met him. but yeah, was in some sort of club or group for it in high school and we performed at some school events, but that's pretty much it. nothing really worth calling back to."

"no, that's great. it takes a lot of courage to go up there, cause i wouldn't have had the guts. i think i would pass out."

"oh, i know," he teases, and you shoot an unserious glare his way.

"and what about wooyoung? did he go into performance?"

san shakes his head.

"nah. undecided also, but i don't think he's stressing out too much about it. from his parents alone, he would be able to land a sweet job even if he got kicked out."

you nod, a snarky smile on your lips.

"yeah, true."

rich kids and their privileges.

after a few more strolls in silence around the area, san suggests taking a break from walking, both of you plopping onto the bench with tired breath puffing into the air.

it's your first time at this park, but it's not too big and has a nice amount of benches, but more so, the location is convenient because it's a good distance from the dorm which means less chance of your friends finding out.

"dance for me," you demand out of thin air, san turning to meet your gaze a few seconds before a laugh tumbles out, thinking you're most likely joking.

"i'm serious." you sit up and adjust your shirt slightly.

"it's been almost an entire year since i last danced to anything, i'm rusty now."

"so? i want to see. come on," you continue to urge, scooting even closer because then, he might give in.

"this is ridiculous. you're going to make fun of me."

you shake your head, desperate to prove the sincerity.

"i won't. i know you'll do great."

he lets out a defeated sigh before getting up with a "fine" and sees the biggest smile of the night on you.

"but you owe me something in return, too." he points finger and you wave it off.

"sure..." pulling your phone out, you look up to ask, "so what song?"

"uh... exo... overdose?" it's been a while to be fair, and san usually isn't one to hold things in memories, no matter the importance. short term or long term.

the song starts and he nods to the music, a few movements here and there trying to recall but he's struggling a bit, you can tell, unable to help the giggle that comes out because the sight is endearing.

"skip to the chorus."

and you do, eyes trained on him without detracting and watching as the recollection seems to creep up, his execution still a little jumbled and he doesn't look like he's 100% confident, but you know you've never seen anyone moved like that in your lifetime.

not that you know anything about dancing or whatever, but you've definitely never met a dancer, so to see someone work their body and move it so effortlessly, you're impressed for sure.

san doesn't even realize the chorus's over until you start clapping, the muscle memory just naturally leading him to the next beat.

it's been a while since he's moved like that and the sense of comfort that comes from it is weird, but welcoming in a way. it was quite fun, he thinks.

you're still clapping when he sits down again, the thin smile on you eventually turning into something more.

"you said you're rusty but you did so good! you even remembered it!"

"bleh," he dismisses, detaching from your gaze to stare out at the emptiness in front, "just muscle memory."

your next set of compliments blurs into muffled voices for him at the same time conflicts run round in his head, snapped back when you bring up, "want to stay over? yuna said she won't be back until morning."

it's the longest he ever takes to say a short and breathless, "yeah..." walking back with you to the dorms but feeling like a completely different person, it's frightening the way he just flip flops emotions, it raises the hair at the back of your neck from what you thought was a harmless and even entertaining situation.

but san seems to have taken it otherwise because the silence is anything but comforting, you fear this is it.

you unlock the door and settle your things first, your shoulder just barely angled his way when san annouces he's going to take a shower.

when you imagined the end, you think of a screaming match; at each other's throats and just absolutely the ugliest way possible. but this just might be worse... it's always worse when it comes unexpected.

but unexpected is such a loose term at this rate, because between you and san, there is so much hurt and so many unspoken wounds beyond repair from all the chasing.

you're so broken and san is not good for you, but for your own selfish desire, you wish he would stay, even if for one more night.

when you're near asleep from all the waiting, your heavy eyes failing to keep focus on the wall, the sound of the door creaking followed by footsteps until his chest is against your back gives you the biggest sign of relief, it's quite pathetic.

that he's going to stay and whatever came over him was just momentarily and you're all too good at overthinking.

you let sleep take over, hopeful that when you wake up, he will still be next to you.

san thinks that if you ever allowed yourself to think you're worse than him even once, you're absolutely out of your mind--which, you are, because he don't doubt you've thought of it.

you're quite skilled at leading the fault back to your own.

but if you're the one to pull the gun out, he would be the one to pull the trigger. and if you were to ever commit a crime, he would be the mastermind behind it.

if you're selfish, he will always be more selfish than you.

when he gets so much more than what he bargains for, coming to the realization over and over again that it's not good to recognize your touch and lose himself in your smile, he wants to run again. the way he always does.

it's how he handles unwanted emotions and practically anything not on his fucking list.

he will start something on impulse and trying to make up to you was definitely that, and it will end the same way.

he started this with you for all the wrong reasons and now, it's way past the due date.

you wake to very little light in the room, tossing lightly to gain your conscious, but heart suddenly dropping when you can sense the cool air of nothingness gliding against your back.

back that you thought would've been protected by a certain boy. but when you finally turn around, the worst pain yet hits you right in the face.

the space next to you is empty, and all there's left of san is a note taped to the side of the nightstand that you can only faintly see, but know every letter to.

'i'm sorry'

next // series m.list

taglist: @sorryimananti-romantic @revehosh @cookiechristie @avantalem @atiny68 @sannwa @shibera @mochibabycakes @justineasian @eastleighsblog @baguette-atiny @crimson-mia @yeosxxx @sleepychimm @atz-diary @diorwoo @naiify @becauseiloveyunho @damagelove @softie00 @s-nsanshine @atinytinaa @moonseonghwa @lemontreefantasy @wooyoung4eva @yeosangsbiceps @likexaxdaydream @knucklesdeepmingi @barbielibra @tmtxtf @brown88 @harusoraa @frankenstein852 @yujispinkhair @mermaid17venus @nolxverlikeme @writersun @kkayfan @wooyoungjpg @galaxypox @byunniebaekhyunnie @vixensss @interweab @svintsandghosts

#that visual of san in the park #cracks me up #lmfao #ateez angst #ateez x reader #san x reader #choi san x reader #san angst #ateez series #fic: broken

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noxiwrites · 2 years

Note

more smutty karl content during mrbeast challenges pls i beg 🧎‍♀️

Loving these ideas 😫😫 I wrote this in one sitting so forgive me if it’s not my best but let’s go anon !!!

Hide and seek

Summary; in which you participate in the 100 person hide and seek challenge and Karl finds you.

Warnings; dom Karl, semi public sex, fingering, teasing, caught sex.

You're gripping your breifcase for dear life as you're running throughout the mall- trying not to follow the other 99 people who are also spreading it like they're going to die. There's a few people in front of you but they eventually filter off until you're on your own, heading towards some stores at the back of the mall.

There's a vacant lot in the corner of the area, with the shutter rolled up just enough for you to fit under. You decide to hide in there, clambering to the floor and throwing your briefcase underneath before following right after it. The store is completely empty, aside from the counter right at the back and a door behind it.

There's only two possible hiding spots, whatever is behind the door or behind the counter. You dash toward them as your radio crackles in your earpiece letting you know that Jimmy, Chris, Chan and Karl are now on the loose to try and find you and the ten grand in your briefcase.

“They’ll never find me here,” you tell the camera, confident in your hiding spot.

You try the door handle, disappointed to find its locked, before spinning on the spot and observing the counter. It's like a hollow box, the top counter boxing in an area for you to sit under without being seen unless someone is stood in the spot you're in right now.

You clamber under, taking a seat on the old floor and placing your briefcase at the bottom of your feet. You know you're gonna be there for a few hours, in the back of the mall, in a vacant lot.

“No offence but the seekers aren't really that smart,” you say to your camera, giggling.

It's a few hours into the challenge before you hear any movement outside. You lock your phone instantly, stopping tiktok from playing as you hear the sound of a voice approaching. You can't quite make out who it is but they're getting closer, talking something about possibly finding someone in one of these stores.

You hope, for your sake, that they don't think there's anyone in here because there isn't anywhere else to hide so you're done for if they come in here.

Sadly, the voice draws closer and you hear the squeak of shoes as they slide under the shutter.

"I'd be really surprised if there isn't anyone in here, this is a good spot." You recognise the voice- It's Karl, one of your friends and the guy you've liked for forever. You'd like to think that he likes you back- but he's never made any moves and you're too scared to make any yourself so you're sort of stuck in a stalemate. With yourself.

His footsteps approach and you know you're dead meat as he walks around the counter- and tries the door.

And doesn't see you. He walks back around the counter, mumbling something to his camera about a wasted spot- and you have a small victory.

Until he stops.

"I never checked the counter space." you hear his footsteps approach again and he swings around the corner of the counter, pointing his camera at you in the space.

"I caught someone!" He laughs and you Huff, pulling yourself out from underneath the counter. Goodbye ten grand. Karl grins at you as you drop your briefcase on the counter and lean against it- and Karl is quick to turn off his camera and drop it on top of the brief case.

"You lost," He chuckles, joining you in learning against the counter.

"I know, this sucks. Why couldn't you just pretend I wasn't there?" You dramatically sigh, punching his arm.

“That’s not how the challenge works sweetheart.” He turns to you with a smile on his face, and you have to hide your shock.

There’s something behind his eyes- you can’t read it- but you think the mood has changed. You think.

You shuffle on your feet, deciding to take a seat on the counter and lifting yourself up.

“So is now like the time you take my briefcase and I’m out?” You ask, checking your phone for the time. It’s around 2am, and the incentive makes you yawn as you realise you’re quite tired.

He chuckles- you notice he does that a lot- and places his hand on your thigh.

Oh.

“Not quite. I wanna claim my prize first.” You think, at first, that he’s referring to the money you just lost, when his hand starts travelling up your thigh and rests on the waist band of your joggers.

“What’re you doing?” You ask, nervous.

His eyes meet yours. “Doing something I’ve wanted to do for a while.”

He leans forward, closing the gap between you and him and kissing you like he’s wanted you for years. He’s quick yet soft, other hand reaching for the other side of your joggers and slipping his fingers in the waistband.

You pull away, his lips plum and upturned in a smirk. “Is this really happening right now?” You’re not sure if you meant to say that out loud- but it’s there now, and he laughs at you.

“If you want it to.” You nod. Faster than you’ve ever done before you think- and he immediately leans back in to kiss you as he tugs at your joggers. You slightly lift your hips, allowing him to pull them down and off your legs. They’re thrown somewhere on the floor and he wastes no time using one of his hands to feel you through your panties.

“You’re so wet already,” he groans, fingers prodding at the wet spot above your entrance. He pulls away from the kiss to watch as he pulls your panties to the side, running his fingers up and down your slick. Your own hands grip the counter, biting your lip to keep in your gasp.

This is really happening right now.

His free hand grips your chin and forces you to look down, watching as he slips two fingers inside your hole. Immediately, as if in instinct, you clench around him and he groans again.

“So fuckin tight, all for me yeah?” It takes you a second to gather that he’s asking a question, and you nod your head, not trusting your voice.

The grip he has on your chin becomes tighter. “Speak to me, tell me how good this feels.”

You know he’s demanding- and he adds another finger to the two to make you feel more. He knows exactly what he’s doing too, bending them in the come here motion to make you reach your peak.

“Tell me.” He curls his fingers with each word, hand pushing up your head to make you look him in the eyes. They’re completely blown out and you imagine your own are too.

“So good, oh god,” you whine- hand moving to grip his arm as he pushes his fingers in harder and faster.

“Come for me, give it to me.” He pulls you in for another kiss, freeing your chin to reach underneath your top and gripping your boob.

“Every time you wear something where I can see these, drives me crazy.” He murmurs on your lips, squeezing your boob. You think back to the few times you’d noticed him staring when you had your boobs on display- the exact effect you had wanted from him- and it makes you giggle.

“What’s so funny huh?” He removes his fingers from you, again gripping your chin.

“Tell me, or I won’t let you cum.”

You swallow, moaning as he touches your clit and moves his fingers around it slowly.

He’s keeping you right on the edge and you whine, grasping his hand to try get his fingers back inside you to finish you off.

“Tell me.”

“Fuck- I just think it’s funny that you go crazy for my tits- oh god.” He chuckles and slips his fingers back inside you, faster than before.

“Good girl, so obedient aren’t you. Finish for me.” You do as told, finally falling over the edge of your orgasm and cumming around his fingers.

“Can’t wait to feel you around my cock.” He muses, slowly finger fucking you through your orgasm. You let out a final moan as he withdraws his fingers, wasting no time unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down his legs, along with his boxers.

He’s very hard, too slightly pink and wet with what you assume is precum.

He jerks himself off a few times as you shuffle towards the edge of the counter for easier access, and the both of you gasp as he finally pushes in. He leans his head against your own and the both of you share a breath.

“I’m not joking when I say I’ve dreamt about this- literally nothing compares.” He tells you, testing the waters as he pulls out and pushes back in slowly.

“You feel so good.” You whine, hands grasping at his back.

“I’m not going to last like this, I need to fuck you.” He tells you, hips setting a faster pace before you even have time to agree- not that you were going to disagree to begin with.

There’s nothing making noise around you and all that’s invading your ears is the sound of his cock going in and out of you- getting impossibly faster as his groans become higher and higher. If anyone is hidden nearby they’d definitely be able to hear- but you’re too busy approaching your second high to care.

“Let me know when you’re gonna come.” He pants, pace becoming erratic. You can tell he’s definitely close himself.

It only takes a few more thrusts before you’re wailing out that you’re cumming- Karl filling in quick succession- the both of you fucked and breathing heavily.

Eventually, he pulls out, pushing your panties back to the side to keep yours and his cum in there. He tucks himself back into his pants and then pulls you from the counter, helping you back into your joggers.

“I found someone !” He exclaims into his radio, waiting for a response as the both of you head towards the shutter.

“We know Karl, we heard you both,” you hear Chandler cackle through the radio, and your cheeks burn as you walk back, hand in hand with Karl.

#karl x reader #mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt x reader #smut #karl jacobs #karl smut #mcyt smut #minecraft YouTuber

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barbiewritesstuff · 2 years

Text

Wife, girlfriend or Whatever: Chapter 1

-- I promised @ravensmadreads I would upload this during the weekend and it's Tuesday.... pls forgive me

Big thank you to @lgg5989 for editing this for me <3

As always, the picture has nothing to do with the fic...

Tw. I guess age gap? Reader is 25 and Beau is like 50? Also Beau is cute and I love him? This is wholesome

Taglist: @luckyladycreator2 @feedthemadness-sweetie @ravensmadreads @lgg5989 --

"Aren't you grumpy this morning?" you said, walking into Cyclone’s office like he hadn’t just made a Lieutenant cry. You walked to his windows and opened the blinds, taking care to move them so the sun shone directly in his eyes, punishing him for treating an employee that way.

He looked at you for a moment before bowing his head down with a sigh, "There's an uppity function in NYC on Monday," he said, sounding dejected.

"I know, I put it in your diary a month ago. Did you just remember?" you replied, turning around with your hands on your hips, about to launch into yet another lecture about checking his diary for important meetings.

"No," he said, too quickly, "Yes. Fleet Admiral Jameson reminded me this morning. Strongly implied it would look better if I brought a wife, girlfriend, whatever,..." he added, leaning back into his chair with a heavy sigh

"What's the problem with that?" you asked.

"I don't have a wife, girlfriend, or whatever,” he replied, looking at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was. Even if you didn’t know him like the back of your hand -- and better, sometimes -- the fact that the corner of his mouth sported a smudge of dried toothpaste, that his tie was crooked and no one had brushed the cat hair off of the back of his uniform, or that he rarely ate anything other than microwave meals shamefully packed in brown paper bags gave him away as a single man.

“I have a cat but I don't think they'll accept that…" he joked.

"Ah… No female friend?" You asked, he shook his head, "Acquaintance?" He shook his head again. You released a heavy exhale, "Cousin? Sister?"

He scoffed, "I'm not bringing my sister," he said, outraged, "If being single isn't encouraged, chaperoned by his older sister is just going to be worse."

"Not chaperoned, accompanied," you corrected. He threw you a very pointed look, "Fine," you sighed.

"Do you think 'secretary' belongs in the 'whatever' category?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Absolutely not," you replied, catching onto what he meant before the words even left his mouth.

"Oh come on! You're leaving in a month, right? Why not enjoy yourself in NYC?" He said, trying to convince you with a smile but the edge of desperation gave him away.

"Sir, you described it as 'uppity', I don't think enjoyment will come into it much,"

"Please?" He begged

"This is the last favour I ever do for you," you replied

"Absolutely," he promised

"With all due respect, sir," you said, "you're a pain."

Admiral Simpson laughed, "Scale of 1 to 10?"

"17," you immediately replied with a straight face

He laughed a little harder, "Oh God, how can I help?"

"You're on lunch duty. I'll have whatever salad has mozzarella,"

He threw a look telling you not to push it. Deciding he couldn't fire you even if you did, you shrugged at him.

"What?" You asked, your tone flat and expressionless "I'm in agony."

He looked away to hide the curl of his lip in an amused smile.

"Fine," he eventually sighed, "drop of the money and I'll go at twelve."

"I thought bills for workplace injuries were covered by my employer?" you asked, clearly making it known he would be paying.

"You're lucky you're good at what you do. And that you're leaving. I would have fired anyone else for talking to me like that,"

You gasped in fake outrage, "What?! You wouldn't! But I'm your oldest 'whatever'!"

"Get out!" He laughed, pointing at the door of his office

"I'll have caramel macchiato as well!" You said as you walked back to your desk

"Don't push it!" He shouted after you

You said nothing but mimicked slamming your hand against a button before returning to your desk. You sank down on the uncomfortable chair and swiped the mouse against the pad a few times to wake up the computer. It sprang to life and after filling in your password you went through the emails to find the information for the navy function.

If the email itself was anything to go by, the event would be more than ‘uppity’. Black tie formal attire required and dinner at a three Michelin star restaurant where the menu counted more French words than you had ever learned, you would not have qualified it as ‘uppity”. Uppity was a word dedicated to boy moms who thought they owned the field at your godson’s football practice. Or the kind of people who looked at you like you were nothing more than shit on their shoe because you decided not to eat organic. Those were uppity. This was downright fancy.

And fancy meant shopping. You changed tabs on your browser and opened the website to one of the only stores in town that sold ballgowns and looked through their selection. When none of them struck your fancy, you decided to gamble and looked through your favourite online retailer.

“Find anything?” Cyclone asked, making you jump. Seeing your reaction, he smirked.

“Nothing for the function,” you replied, trying to hide the seven other tabs you had opened showcasing a cardigan, three new skirts, two work shirts and a lipstick. Ever so observant, he swatted your hand away from the mouse and clicked through the tabs. He tutted until he reached the lipstick.

“Red?” he asked, clearly surprised

“It’s a nice colour,” you said, not keen on discussing your lipstick colour choices with your boss, “Don’t you think?”

“No, no, it’s nice, you’re right. I’m just surprised,” he replied, trying to backtrack so hard it was actually kind of funny, “it’s just -- isn’t pink kind of your thing?”

“I like pink,” you replied, “But there are other colours.”

“I know. You don’t usually wear other colours, though,” he said. You rolled your eyes and looked down, ready to disprove his point with a single glance at your ensemble, only to find that your pencil dress and shoes were both the same shade of baby pink.

“What are you doing here?”

“I brought you lunch?” he said, putting the plastic salad container down on your desk, followed by the venti cup of coffee. You glanced down at the clock on the screen and were horrified to find you had wasted most of the morning online shopping, “They were out of caramel macchiato, but I know you like pumpkin spice, so I got that.”

“I don’t like that you know so much about me,” you told him, grabbing the coffee and taking a long sip, savouring the beverage and noting that not only had he picked the correct backup flavour, he had also asked for non dairy milk and sugar free syrup.

“You know more than that about me,” he frowned

“I’m paid for it, sir. Being a hobby secretary is just creepy,” you replied

“I am paid,” he retorted

“Uh huh,” you said, twirling your drink around in its cup.

“With the pleasure of your company,” he said, slowly backing away towards his office

“Leave. Now.” you told him, trying hard to look stern and annoyed

“Your cheery disposition,” he added, grinning widely. He winked at you.

“I despise you,” you said

“And your friendliness,” he laughed

“Leave! You’re so cheesy you’re stinking up the place,” you shouted and he vanished back in his office, laughing loudly. You rolled your eyes and resumed your shopping, finally deciding on a dress. You added everything to your basket and paid for it, wondering if, because this was technically a work function, you couldn’t get reimbursed for the price of the dress.

Deciding to test your luck, you drafted an email explaining the situation and attached a picture of your bill and sent it, hoping Jenna from accounting would be the one opening it. You liked Jenna, she always approved anything you sent and only ever replied to your emails via emoji. Your computer chimed with a notification and you smiled.

[email protected] : ;)

You leaned back in your chair and grabbed the salad box, shaking it hard so the dressing mixed in with the veggies before popping the lid open and digging in, occasionally stopping to sip at the coffee. Too early for your tastes, you went back to work, calling to book flights and hotel rooms and confirm your attendance with the function’s organisational committee.

Luckily the day came to an end eventually and you shut down the computer. The Admiral, always staying behind to finish whatever paperwork he hadn’t managed to work through the day, was still working hard, too concentrated to notice you pop your head through the door and say goodbye.

You looked at him, hunched over his desk, a deep frown visible between his brows. His eyes were straining in the dim light of his office lamp, night having already fallen over San Diego. You left your bag by his door and walked to the recreation room where you made him a coffee. Taking the cup back to his desk, you stopped by yours to find his spare pair of reading glasses -- which you kept in the locked compartment of your file drawer so he couldn’t lose those too -- and a few biscoff biscuits, and brought everything over to him.

“Thanks, just put it down wherever,”

“Put the glasses on,”

“I will, just have to finish this,”

“Beau,” you said, startling him out of his concentration with the use of his first name, “Put the glasses on. You’ll get a headache,”

“Okay,” he said softly, taking them from your hands and perching them on the bridge of his nose.

“Pain meds are in the top drawer of your desk,” you said in the same gentle tone of voice, “Don’t be long.”

You turned around and left, picking your bag up on your way out. You made it about halfway down the maid corridor when the Admiral’s upper body popped through the doorway.

“Y/n!” he called after you, “Err… Goodnight. Drive safe,”

Involuntarily, your eyebrows shot up in surprise. He’d never said goodnight before. Though surprising, it wasn’t entirely unwelcome, as evidenced by the warm feeling quickly spreading through your chest and the rosy tint your cheeks had taken on.

“Right, yes. Thank you,” you replied, “I will.”

You turned around before he could see the smile spreading on your face and walked out of the building.

#fanfic #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #top gun x reader #fanfiction #original fic #cyclone simpson #cyclone x reader #cyclone #beau cyclone simpson #beau simpson #beau simpson x reader

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vvictuss · 5 months

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Silence's Song

Intro for a work-in-progress fanfic inspired by a single line (included at end of post) in The Buried Dagger by my favorite WH40k author @jmswallow.

Setting is on Barbarus before Mortarion is found by the Emperor. Took some liberties with Silence's description and Barbaras’s worldbuilding, as in adding a single tree, I guess. I'm still new when it comes to lore too so apologies for any conflicting points. (also I know my writing isn't perfect, pls forgive the odd mistake and lmk so I can fix it lol)

======

A glint of pale light bounced from her cold metal as Silence sang.

She was beautiful as ever, polished in blood. Well cared for, the instrument cut through Barbarus’s pestilent sky with harmonious joy, like a spring bird delighting in the sun. Ichor pooled at the edges of her steeled blade at the conclusion of fading translucent streaks, then dripped from the toe’s end with a quiet pattering, like a distant drum beat to accompany her tune.

So much more than a tool, Silence brought a crescent omen of end, whose handle was grasped firmly by her hooded maestro. The young man wielded his instrument with the reverent steadfast and command of a conductor readied at the podium. Delicate, yet sharp, precise, dictatorial. Silence’s snath curved out like a crane’s neck captured in elegant Barbarusian willow wood. Shoestring strips of paled leather wrapped her grip and stem, darkened and indented where his hands had laid day after day -- worn, sculpted by time and strength. Silence fed on the crops gleaned by the Reaper of Men with grace and obedience -- in return, he respected her service through harvesting what evil had been sown before them.

Together, they danced. There were times Mortarion entertained the thought of humming along as his deadly companion serenaded their damned enemy. Ever since he heard that beautiful noise from the villagers on Barbarus the first night spent free from Necare’s prison, no sound met his ears without being composed into song. Everything was music, when he finally learned of its existence. Wind blasting through the valley as a deep horn’s bellow, noxious fog plucking its wheat strings, percussive cracks and pops of the village’s nightly fires.

Most of all, though, he heard it with the swing of his scythe.

She was an orchestra. She was an ensemble. She was a choir to rival that of mighty cathedrals. Named Silence, yet she trilled when her chine’s blade split skin and bone as effortlessly as a knife through paper, like the smoothness of breath pushed under a woodwind’s reed.

(Quote from The Buried Dagger and more below)

The inspiration:

"'Silence' was still moving, coming around, and the Death Guard heard the air sing as the blade cut again before the guardian could register that it had already been killed."

I loved the imagery of this whole scene, so vivid and fantastical yet grounded. Easy to follow, exciting, and James Swallow's technical writing skills push me to improve. I've tried to pay attention to the way he keeps the flow going while still taking the time to set the scene and immerse the reader.

It's been less than a year since I let myself pick up writing again and I'm proud of the direction I'm headed. Obviously I have a long way to go, if anyone has critiques, please comment or shoot me a DM/ask! I'd appreciate feedback very much.

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uldren-sov · 4 months

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AHEM. HEM! FAVOURITES, TATTOO, HERO, LYRICS, PLS AND THANK YOU (MS CAMY ROSE CALL ME)

omg!!!! tyty for the questions!!!! ms camy rose is free on thursday night....

Favourites: Which song of the band’s is your MC’s favourite? Which is the fan-favourite?

So I chose the title Wasted Desires as the fan fave. It's THE ONE LOVE SONG on the whole album The Gambit that talks about the love lost from her and Seven's actual breakup and the regret in how it ended. And OF COURSE the fans latch onto it, of COURSE it's their favorite, she kind of hates that its their favorite, she does not want Seven to be any more responsible for her success than he already was. She needs to prove to herself that she can do it alone and more than that she needs to prove it to him. So while he still colors a lot of inspiration in her songs, this is one of the few times she sang about him more directly and it's annoying that the fans love it. (Whether or not it's due to the fact that the lyrics are just better bc they're more authentic, or because they just love drama, WHO'S TO SAY but it could really go either way.) and im SO BAD WITH SONGS. But I think maybe the first song they did without Seven is her favorite, not because it was necessarily good, it wasn't, but after writing and rewriting and moments the effort of holding back the tears meant there was no energy left to sing with, but she did it anyways. She stuck it out and stuck her pieces back together for herself and for The Band - because they're relying on her they're the ones who need her and they threw the weight of their dreams onto her shoulders and her shoulders alone - and she knew at least that it only gets easier from then on. Or so she hopes :)

Tattoo: Did they keep the tattoo with Seven’s initials? Why/why not? What was that decision/execution process like? (Bonus: What do they think of Seven keeping their tattoo?)

She did! But she almost didn't!! Because it wasn't only The Vote, it was The Fight, where she and Seven said some unforgivable (at the time) things to each other, and then Seven ghosts her for like a month. So that means, to her, that he cuts all communication but he also doesn't come back home to her (probably staying with his mom again) and the next time she sees him he's halfway through packing his things away in boxes, with him being unwilling to work anything out they fought again (bc that's all they were good for at that point), and he says if only she could have come back when he was done - with nothing left but the spare key slipped under the door. So her knee-jerk reaction was to get rid of everything else, including the tattoo. She booked the appointment and everything before she realized she was being just as impulsive as he was. She told herself to think on it before she did anything (or anyone) as a rebound from all this hurt - she wouldn't sink to Seven's level and risk hurting herself more if only to have the chance to hurt him. So she cancelled the appointment, promising to revisit it on a later day. But then she didn't. Other tattoos help now that she can get them without holding his hand and by the time she considers it again, the significance of the tattoo is as much a headstone as it is a shrine to what their relationship was. And on her lowest nights she kisses it, to try and get any kind of spark of the love she had and has never known again. She misses him and is willing to forgive him some things... but not everything. She never expected Seven to keep his, not with how he acted, not with how hurt he was, not with how viciously he broke up with her. It's almost incomprehensible and is completely at odds with how she thought he would act. Despite her better judgment she's hopeful...

Hero: What is their favourite thing about G? Why is your MC such a big fan?

(Funnily enough I have Griffin, because Gina was an ex bestie I had in HS that did me REAL dirty so I still hate the name Gina lmaooo) Probably the nostalgia lmao. She was a HUGE fan of Misfit Alley and especially when she was that young she was like "if G can do it, I can do it." (Which was, I'm sure, the marketing point they were selling) So G really helped her steel herself when it came to how nervous and uncertain she was when she and Seven were in HS and thinking they were crazy for even considering starting a band. So she tried to see herself in G, manifest that kind of success, and fall back on that idolatry when she just didn't have the confidence in herself (which was often back then.) When no one else got/gets me I know G got/gets me. - Camila Rodriguez-Rose, age 16 The fact that she had a HUGE crush too didn't hurt lolol. NOW though it's so wild and interesting to think about G as a person and strangely enough on such a similar wavelength, the few times they were able to be alone with one another. G talking about how many different versions of himself are in other people's minds, talking about how he's the villain in people's stories, struck her to her core in a way that she has not been able to feel in a long time. The fact that such sentiment, that she can relate to, is coming from G fucking "Reign" is so wild to her that she almost can't believe it. But she certainly believes it when she keeps finding similarities between them and felt the way she did when they sang together...

Lyrics: What are some songs you associate with your character? Any specific lyrics that really scream your character?

SO IM SO BAD AT MUSIC but I want to thank @sotc for giving me songs that made them think of Camy lmao bc otherwise I wouldn't know what to put here lolol I should really get better at this for a music-based IF but here's the two: Uffie – Papercuts generally and Stupid Girl - Garbage

EDIT: I just thought about one of Camy's like "voice claim" bands and this actually really fits: Roots - In This Moment: You wanna know why I like the pain you say There's some sick part of me thankful for the hate I stay positive and I push forward ya see I gotta do the right thing for my family So I smile and say that the world is just fine As these fucking parasites eat up my spine So I ask you once and I ask you again Where do your roots start and where do your roots end

#Ask meme answers #OC: Camy Rose #Infamous oC #BLEH this got long but im just INSPIRED lolol so <333 tyty again for the questions!!

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weirdsht · 2 years

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Paperback - Cale x Reader

a/n: this is pretty trash forgive me. i'm just trying to function like a normal human again after elections

Warnings: probably ooc Cale, smudge of angst

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

If there's something missing in the warnings let me know so I can add it

Any form of interaction toward the post is appreciated <333

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Caressing the spine of a book, you slowly take it out, not paying attention to the redhead sitting inside your room right now. Cale knows you hear him, he knows you see him in the corner of your eyes. Yet you choose to ignore him as if a ghost was whispering in the wind.

“You know better than anyone that I’ll be fine, so why did you do that?”

Despite your obvious reluctance to acknowledge him and his words, the commander still insists on talking to you.

Finally, after minutes of trying you spared him a short glance. It may not have lasted a second but it’s enough to let Cale know that you’re now ready to talk things over. You’ll finally say the reasons for your actions that the poor man has been mulling over for a couple of days now.

As you opened the book in your hands, you finally sat on the opposite side of the couch he was sitting on. Your gaze is more focused on the bookmark delicately placed on the page you opened on than the man in front of you.

“I know you’re fine, I know you wouldn’t do anything that would cause you too much harm. I know that best. I drilled it in my head. All the things you’ll say, your thoughts, your plans, your next moves. I can probably cite it word for word.”

Cale can’t see anything on the open book you are holding in front of him. Even though the book was wide open for him all he could see were blank pages and the pretty bookmark made with the dried up flowers from the first bouquet he gifted you.

It may look like that to him, but he knows what you see is different. From your perspective, the book is filled with words. Words you were so familiar with, words you have been reading over and over again even before you were brought into this world.

“But at the same time, I’ve read it from your point of view. And if there’s one thing I learned from reading this very long book was that you’re the worst self critic I have ever met.”

The redhead swallowed the arguments bubbling from his throat and waited for you to speak again.

“You don’t get just how worried people are for you because they don’t know the context. You simply don’t get all the love they hold for you. I get it, as your reader I get why you’re like that. I get that you ensure that you’ll be fine with your every action. I know too well how smart and cunning you are.”

You close the book and hand it over to Cale. ‘Lout of the Count’s Family’ were the words written in Korean the transmigrator can read clearly. Even though the rest of the book was just a bunch of blank pages to him and everyone else, he can still read the title cover and the back synopsis.

“Yet you don’t regard yourself as high as you should. You think that as long as you’re breathing everything should be fine. Despite knowing that the world has brought you up that way it doesn’t make it hurt less you know. Knowing things in advance only litters me with more anxiety. Knowing that I can’t do anything to change your mind once it has been set has me looking for alternatives.”

Your most precious book that Cale is currently holding used to be your favorite book back when you were on Earth. It’s also the only belonging you had brought when you were placed in this new world. The book is still your favorite of course, but now a little anxiety always washes over you whenever you see it.

“Don’t get me wrong, I fully appreciate all the efforts you have done for me, for us. I also now understand a bit where you are coming from. Still, I can’t just excuse how you deliberately got hurt by White Star and his army. You sustained a graver injury than what I would have if ever.”

None of you know how to go from here. Both parties have already said the things bothering them.

A deafening silence can be heard. The book in the middle resting on top of the coffee table bearing witness to all of this.

“I… I’m sorry”

“I apologize too. I’ll try to make more rational decisions from now on.”

You know to yourself that even though he said that, everything would probably still go according to what you’ve read. That’s just how Cale is, and as much as it hurts you, you can’t do anything about it.

“I’ll be going first, Alberu must be waiting for me.”

Cale stood up and left the room first. You merely watched as he disappeared from the room, not forgetting to close the door behind him.

Opening the book again, you started reading. You must check once more the contents of the future as you plan on how to help everyone. Lessen the casualties, and lessen the pain and burden Cale is carrying on his back. That’s something you promised to yourself that you must do.

Even if it costs you your everything.

#trash of the count's family #lout of the count’s family #tcf #cale henituse #lcf #alberu crossman #not just a clown but a whole circus #lotcf #totcf #lcf x reader #tcf x reader #cale x reader #cale henituse x reader

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itbmojojoejo · 1 year

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Alright, i just finished watching High Life and uhhh yeah, i usually enjoy artsy thrillers etc but i have no idea how to feel about this film. Ewan was fantastic ofc, scary, but brilliant. Mans got talent. More thoughts (major spoilers and mentions of violence included) below the cut cause i need to get them out and have no one to talk about it with.

First things first - i would not recommend this film to anyone that is sensitive to seeing any type of violence towards women or perhaps those that are having fertility issues as i know this can be upsetting. i was already aware of the gist of the film before watching so i knew what to expect but what was unexpected is how all those moments and details were actually delivered.

I am going to praise Ewan for his acting here before i continue on with my WTF WAS THAT thoughts. Everything ive seen him in there has been a very clear if not HUGE difference between all of his characters, that man is NOT a one trick pony at all. He left me feeling freaked out and uncomfortable with Ettore’s brutality. Im very excited to see what else Ewan does in the future because he truly is talented and thats easy to see, especially when you put dear baby monk Osferth next to Aemond, Tom Bennet and Ettore (I have not seen his other works forgive me do not come for me with pitchforks and torches) . Hes managing to provide fully fleshed out and complex characters with a few minutes on screen at a time - this man is not flipping through a script and winging it once hes on set. He is more than just a pretty face to me, i really hope he gets the opportunity for more projects to carry on dazzling us.

Now onto the film itself - we’re told that every member of the experiment was given a life sentence or death penalty. That experiment being - “The real goal, the film tells us verbally, is to assess how great levels of radiation impact the human body”

How does Dibs and her little fertility experiment that was further endangering the lives of the women on board fit into this? Whose idea was that? and past the point of early infancy (i.e. the incubator) there seemed to be nothing on board this ship to accommodate a child. Dibs was clearly a convicted killer just like the others had been, she confirmed to Boyse she smothered her own children and used a knife on her husband. Was her clear obsession with Monte all because of his chastity too? and what was her being in the box all about with that furry thing that caressed her??? im confused at that.

We know that the prisoners files are on board because Willow tells Monte she read his, so if the captain and Dibs knew what crimes people had committed what reason did they have to restrain the women to their beds in unlocked sleeping quarters??? Thats a problem waiting to happen. They could have avoided that whole situation with Ettore. Why were they even restrained in the first place? And why was Nansen in sleeping quarters with the men? Where did Dibs sleep? Did she ever sleep?

I think a little background info on all of the people would have been nice too, nothing big just a little tid bit, we know why Monte was there, we caught a glimpse of the life Boyse had but past the train thingy we dont know what she did. Tcherny mentions he thought joining the experiment would be honourable after bringing shame to his wife and son, and if i hadnt read the plot pre watch i wouldnt of got that he committed suicide (this could be something i’d pick up on with a rewatch but im not sure thats going to happen). And i dont think Nansen, Mink or Elektra are referred to by name at all??? (again i could of just missed this while questioning wtf i was watching)

Boyse and Monte - what was their little connection that was hinted at all about? the side eyes, she cut him, he punched her, then they held hands??? explain pls.

And if Dibs was so set on having a baby on board why did she then throw herself off the ship? The injuries she got from Mink didnt seem to be life threatening? Did anyone notice that the women had more violent deaths depicted than the men too? What was that ship with just dogs on it about? And lastly - the films ending, did they die? is that what that was???

If anyone wants to chat about this please feel free!

#high life #ettore #ewan mitchell #tw violence #tw spoilers

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cassyapper · 11 months

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pls share abt ur ocs <3 i remember the sister who was looking for her brother, and ur jjba oc percy f. lloyd. do u have other ones?

YAY yes ok. so i meant mostly the sister looking for her brother story so i'll talk aobut that here but if anyone wants to hear about my absolute loser jojo oc percy f lloyd (always say his full name or he'll kill you), send me a message and i'll make a post <3 he is in part 6 and serves as a general annoyance. he's not even a stand user. ANYWAY

so yes the sister and brother story. for those not in the know this girl ai (wip name) is looking for her brother after they get separated when their village was raided during war. ai's mom basically grabbed her and ran cause she wasn't gonna risk losing her only other kid (she is not a believer in best of both worlds) and ai never forgives her for it. when ai gets old enough she enlists in the army to use it as means of looking for her brother. her story picks up from there

ai has a big attitude and a short temper. even before everything she probably has some sort of mood disorder but the general trauma of her life did not help it at all so she's very unruly and short. as such even though she's been in the army for a long time she doesnt have a very high rnaking cause she just cannot do what she is told. it doesnt help that she has no allegiance to the military or national cause at all cause she doesn't actually care baout that, she's just looking for her brother. frankly the only reason she isn't kicked is cause she does do well in battle (she's a good swordswoman) and her commanding officer is a bit of a bleeding heart and wants to help her (ai will not let him)

anyway so ai goes on this whole journey. she meets a girl named arha that she gets homosexual with and she gets a little buddy named adalia that she is forced to mentor (adalia is the one forcing her). ai has a hard time focusing on them (and her commanding officer who frankly at one point quits the army in order to help her cause. well im still figuring it out but yknow) past the desire to find her brother. she refuses to believe he's dead

and like he's not dead! and she does find him! but he never looked for her. he had been saved by some dragons and was living with them and learning magic. while he knew ai and their mom weren't dead, he knew it wasn't likely he'd ever go back to human society (he was kinda traumatized by the raid and also the dragons are nice so) and so he just, moved on. this absolutely fucking crushes ai cause she ruined all the life she's lived thus far to find him and he didn't even...care if she did. her brother isn't a bad guy btw it's just. he was so young when the raid happened and he again never thought he'd see them again so. he's glad to have her now but it is admittedly awkward especially with how shattered ai is

so ai tries to figure out what comes after a) finding her goal and b) that goal not resulting in what she thought it would. her brother does join her and probably the war that was going on will be wrapped up by them but im still figuring that part out. ai accepts arha and adalia and her commander (and probably others but those are just the three i've conceived of so far) into her heart and she learns to move on, too. after which her and her brother's relationship improves in leaps and bounds. and while she never quite forgives her mom she's able to form a relationship with her after it all. but yeah

anyway i know i spoiled a lot of the beats of the story with this but! that's the basic gist. lol

this is ai btw (this is an outdated design but the foundations are here)

#cass cries #ocs #thakns for ASKING apollo ily

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hoonvrs · 8 months

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Hey saint watchu doin 😊

Honestly had a really bad day today and Ur the only person I can talk to rn. Idk what's up with ppl forcing me to do things I don't like and telling me to stop doing things I love doing. As if whatever I wanna do is always wrong. My school has restricted me to do any crochet in the campus EVEN THOUGH I don't interrupt nor am I distracted during the classes. My mum has told me to solely focus on studies and do crochet in the holidays. BUT now they want me to do extracurriculars. Maybe I'm in the wrong but I have no interest in the acts of singing, dancing, art and other cultural activities. But I have to do them because I do nothing at home. Like I don't take extra classes for playing instruments, or go to other places for tutoring, nor do I learn anything involving self defense, dancing, singing, reciting. I don't even like sports. I just don't like these activities. But I have to do them and I'm being forced because they're 'good for me' and 'good for my future'. Which I get it's completely fine. But is crochet not? Infact I wanted to do a specific activity and my friend wanted to do photography. But since I chose that activity, she has to too because she won't do photography alone. And then she said it's my fault but when I said that I could switch for the sake of her not blaming it on me for the rest of the semester, she said no. I can't deny anything anymore. When they ask me if I want to do something and I say no, they ask why and I just say that I don't want to. But apparently that isn't a valid reason to say no. I would say all of this to my mum but she's friends with my friends mums and would try taking to them about it but I don't want the others knowing. Ill be honest saint you were the first person I could think of because no one else would just listen to me and not go tell someone else or start asking questions. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I just wish things were like before when in was like five and I wasn't allowed to meet my friends outside of school. When our parents weren't friends to the point they would steal away the only day my mum had a holiday I could spend time with her on. I wish I had someone to talk to. Now all I can do is look in the mirror, cry, and talk to myself. Saint you don't understand how much talking to u like this is helping me. We don't even know eachother personally but at least I can talk to you freely without any judgement. I just wanna live my life. I've never had a moment in life where I felt free since I was 5. I miss freedom.

-🌜(rant again 😭)

i can’t understand personally but i can definitely feel for you cause i have a friend in the exact same situation and honestly fuck them for not letting you do what you want in your own life, esp ur school cause in what world do they completely nan you from crocheting in school likes it’s really none of their business. honestly the advice i can give ( if you even want any ) is to not do it. nothing teaches a parent a lesson unless their kids rebel cause it honestly so much easier to ask for forgiveness then for permission, and they’ll see in the future all of that was so useless.

with your friend pls try and stand up for yourself, coming from someone who’s literally ignored her own cousins cause they were being bitchy it’ll be better to avoid and ignore her then to have to put up with her attitude. tell her no one told her to ditch photography and that she should learn some independence or she won’t get too far in life, and she might get offended but that’s her problem not yours.

i’m happy that you feel safe enough with me to share this but i’m so upset that you have to go through this, praying it’ll be js an emotional memory when you’re a little bit older with more independence cause parents will learn to give their kids freedom once they’ve hit an age where they can’t control them ( usually uni )

don’t let anyone try to talk you out of what you love or talk you down into staying in a toxic friendship just because you’re ‘parents are close’ or ‘you’ve known each other for so long’ they’re js manipulating you into wasting your energy and effort on stupid friendships and ik it’s easier said then done but you’ll feel so much better without that burden

#inbox — new msg!#my moon :(#ily #🌜anon #( anons! )

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kiwisbell · 6 days

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Hi!!! It is helen!anon here to rant and rave about ch.3!!! I cannot believe we are only 3 chapters in like considering the space these two occupy in my heart it feels like you've written several libraries worth of their story...

So I really know very little about religious texts generally so pls forgive my ignorance, but this chapter made me think of two phrases I have heard about the Christian view of marriage that felt very apt for this story (especially given the religious trauma of Joel's childhood that clearly shaped him for better and for worse, and the fact that since the first chapter you've told us that the love between these two really rivals that of religious devotion): marriage being described as "two becoming one flesh" and Adam calling Eve "flesh of my flesh" (anyone pls correct me if I am misquoting/misunderstanding, this is so far beyond my area of expertise and I really don't know much like I got these from a very brief google search one time). The way the themes of devotion to each other and loving one another to the point that you feel like fundamental, inseperable parts of one another make this chapter so breathtaking and stunning!!!! And the way you've written the whole thing feels subtle enough that I discover new little things every time I reread this chapter yet clear enough that as soon as I had finished it the forst time around I was like "cool cool cool I guess I'll just think about the motifs and layers nonstop all day every day from now on". From the word choices (Joel "christened" his love and devotion!!! Kneeling at her feet as if praying at her altar and keeping "rapt vigil"!!! Joel literally calls her his faith AND his purpose!!! Also Emiliano thinking he is "almighty as god" as the angel of death comes to get him for hurting Joel's personal goddess, the only deity he willingly worships??? HONEY YOUR MIIIND) to the parallels between their way of thinking about each other (Joel basically feeling ill at the thought of what might have happened to her, not even reflecting on how he feels about his car being stolen, his home being broken into, getting beaten up, or still being physically hurt, to the point that in the last chapter he refused medical attention until she was attended AND THEN YOU HIT US WITH HER VOWS "I vow to protect your heart like it's my own. I vow to take your pain, and to shoulder it so you don't have to" and then the same way he gets furious on her behalf she gets pissed when she realises he never got out before her because he had no reason to really?? The way he was abused and molded to be a killer? The way she RECOGNISES HIS GAIT AND CAN TELL HE IS HURT nononono mother of tenderness and love I am too weak!! I was not made to take such an onslaught like it reminds me of the quote from song of Achilles " I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world". The way she has to contend with being worth any price to the man she loves while he has to contend with becoming a monster in the name of the person he swore was the reason he would never be a monster again. And then Joel saying the only word that has ever mattered to him is his wife's - HE PUT HER NAME ABOVE THE CROSS AND THE PRAYING HANDS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING JOKING WHAT KIND OF LITERARY GENIUS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THIS. I AM CRYING I AM SUING YOU FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES I AM COMPLETELY AT YOUR MERCY THIS IS ALL I THINK ABOUT. I AM GOING TO LOOSE MY MIND THIS IS LIKE MY PERSONAL BRAND OF HEROIN. "DESIGNER DRUGS" OH YES A FIC TAILOR MADE FOR MY PARTICULAR TASTES THAT IS WHAT THAT PHRASE MEANS YES?? Joel Miller really said god is a woman with his whole chest)

The whole bit with the pastor and Joel thinking about being truly in EVERY sense of the word devoted to his wife reminded me of the scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams' character is talking about his wife and says he felt like "god put an angel on earth just for you". Also rip Robin Williams is one of my favourite actors of all time and in my head he plays the pastor.

The way you wrote and paced the action??? Letting the kill count show us Joel's methodical approach and keep the momentum going?? The little details not just to orient us as to what Joel is doing but also how he's doing it (my favourite detail being Joel thinking that Emiliano looks "childlike" and then the sing about the boogeyman says he comes to take the children who don't behave!!!!!!) Showing us how Joel thinks of the guards as just numbers, fully having slipped into stone-cold assassin mode? The way Joel's internal monologue is racing all throughout the chapter, going between memories and the present, but switches to razor-sharp focus on what is currently happening once he is taking targets down??? With one exception ofc, being when he remembers the frightened face of his wife when she was attacked. Because of course!! Just a moment of letting himself remember why he has fallen back into old ways.

Is Joel not pulling the knife out of Emiliano a reference to John Wick 2, where John leaves the knife in as a "professional courtesy" to keep his opponent alive? I know Joel wanted to kill him but he says to his wife that not killing Emiliano would prevent his father from coming after Joel for revenge?? So did he leave it in to make Emiliano pay a price for attacking his wife without killing him to prevent further retaliation?? If so, will that work?

"He’ll swallow any bullet to keep you from worrying" Joel no-tears-for-me Miller to the very fucking end, babyyyyyy!! "The mangled black and blue on his tender skin reminds you of a night sky without the stars" love that she is now back to thinking about him in artistic terms, as if the initial panic and dust has settled and as they start finding their way back to each other, she can think of him this way again!! And the way she slowly starts to see his perspective, the way she empathises with him, stresses that he was the victim of adults who were comfortable using children, the way you can practically FEEL her perspective change... and then "You hide your hurt and you bury your feelings and you do it all because you're afraid it'll make everyone leave you" the way she understands him down to the soul like that's flesh of my flesh right there!!!! "It does not pry the pain from his heart and bury the shrapnel in your chest instead. It is something he bears, as he always has, and must. It is something you cannot take from him. And you feel more helpless than you ever have" + her vows?? She just wants to protect him from pain and keep him safe like they are literally the same person they are perfect for each other i am sorry but like what do you meeeean other couples exist as far as i can tell there is only them?? Ooooh oh oh ooooh btw i am never ever forgiving you for the detail about his watching breaking on their wedding day like at just the moment he wanted to pause time and spite the forces of nature from taking this fragile, blossoming, beautiful happiness from him it breaks, but of course trying to pause time is a fruitless endeavor that only a fool desperately in love would attempt, an impossible task if you will SO NO I WILL NOT FORGIVE NOR FORGET THIS WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

"You fall asleep with your arm around his waist, your hand next to his, not touching, but nearly" this gave me so much hope like THEY ARE GONNA RECOVER THEY ARE GONNA GET THAT PUPPY!!!

Will never be able to date a real human man again your fictional little assasin simp has raised my standards an unreasonable amount ok bye i love you

oh helen!anon how i have severely FAILED you for being so late to respond appropriately to this...... but it is TIME my friend. here i am again, astonished by your observations and deeply touched by how much care you put into these messages. i love you so much and i hope i do you justice!!

in a way, these two are somewhat unhealthy in the way they're so deeply intertwined with one another, and that was intentional on my part!! i didn't go into this fic with the intention to portray a relationship that was enviable or healthy. joel loves her in a way that becomes destructive from the very first chapter, and she has to contend with the fact that she has truly given her heart to a man who had lied to her for so long. their souls, in a way, belong to one another, which is why the pain deepens when everything falls apart. your observation about adam and eve is absolutely lovely. the notion that eve is created from adam's rib is gross and problematic, but it does illustrate my point about how these two are inextricably linked to the point that they are indistinguishable, which i think is a signficant theme in the paintings we see reader make!!

so much of joel's mind is filled with all the religious imagery from his childhood despite the fact he doesn't believe in any god - incorporating motifs of faith into his love for her rather than a diety is the way he weaponises his own trauma against the people who inflicted it. he's hurt and scarred in so many ways, but he's found love, and he intends to keep it!!

and you're absolutely right: it's never been about the car or the belongings or the home. it's about this deeply traumatised person who's finally found a way out of his old life only to dive headfirst back in because it's the only way he knows how to fight for what he loves. and i think he needs to realise that.

"mother of tenderness" is SO FUCKING SLAY tbh i think reader will forever be known as such. i actually did allude to the song of achilles in that passage you pointed out; it felt so appropriate heehee!!! and i'm so glad you noticed!! she's definitely a selfless soul and as someone who's given herself entirely to her love for joel, it's hard to cope with his betrayal. anyone would struggle with a lie like this, but i think a huge part of her just wants to protect his heart, as she said in her vows, and take his pain away. and there i go crying again because holy hell you noticing these things is making my heart sing!!

"The way she has to contend with being worth any price to the man she loves while he has to contend with becoming a monster in the name of the person he swore was the reason he would never be a monster again" is so fucking beautiful, and so poignant, and so spot-on that i simply have no words to add. you understand so deeply and i admire you so so much.

GOD IS A MF WOMAN AND IT'S JOEL MILLER'S WIFE BABY. he knows it damn well!!!!!!!!

also lowkey your robin williams fancast is fucking perfect i will now be picturing the pastor as such :')

regarding your comments about the fight scene: i love them all, fuck. i wanted to make it clear that joel has his feet in two worlds. he's re-entered the fold for revenge, and in a way he must re-enter the old skin he shed, which means he must once again become that man who didn't have anything to care for and only killed because it gave him something to do. it's crude, but at the core of him, that's what makes joel's (and john wick's) pasts so heartbreaking. so i wanted his new, vibrant, colourful life to intrude on that colourless meticulousness that is his killing

and babe you're so RIGHT that they were simply made for one another in a way; and the fact that they so easily understand one another and jump to the other's defense is the signal that remains throughout of their persisting love even when the ground has been unsettled beneath them. i love love love writing the little flashbacks, especially the ones from their wedding day!!!

at the end of it all that's what i want to convey with this story, and especially this chapter: hope. and your comments have not only made me cry but also made me remember why writing this fic has been one of the most rewarding and best experiences of my life. i cannot thank you enough for how much kindness and support and love you give this story and please don't ever ever forget that this is why i do this: getting to share what i love with all of you is like witnessing the fruits of my labour, and it makes me so warm to see you here. i love you, thank you, and please know that any harm i have done to your ability to love a real man is not my fault, it's joel's ;)

#helen!anon #fic: helen #the chapter 3 ask i was so behind on!!!!!!! now answered!!!!#kiwisbell answers #i get sappy toward the end #i'm just so excited #and i love writing this story

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midgardianweasley · 3 years

Note

hiii i love your fics so much omg! anyway, i have a request that i've been daydreaming about that haha: nat and r get into a really big fight about smth (anything but cheating pls my heart won't be able to take that) and r kind of shuts down, and wanda & carol become super protective of her and follow her everywhere making sure she's ok. (and they're also glaring at nat any chance they get) but then nat comes into r's room one night and apologizes and they make up and snuggle and its soft hours

thank you so much! and of course lovely! here you go<33

Priorities

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha has been missing date nights, leaving Y/N embarrassed for the final time. When confronted, an argument unfolds, but can they come back from it?

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: some swearing, some self-neglect

Message/ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist! <3

“Another drink, miss?” The waiter in a smart, black tux asked you for the second time this evening, a part of you felt that it was out of pity as you sat alone at a table for two, and had been for the last two hours.

You were supposed to be meeting your girlfriend tonight for date night, you got all dressed up, makeup applied and hair styled perfectly, which had taken forever, only to be stood up. You wouldn’t have overly minded if this was a first occurrence, you would’ve brushed it off and rescheduled for another night. Which is what you had done, two missed date nights ago.

This was your third night of sitting alone in a crowded, candlelit restaurant as couples around you glanced over with a sympathetic gaze, which had only made you feel worse. Your girlfriend should be here. ‘Natasha should be here’, you thought. You looked up at the kind waiter, giving him a gentle smile before shaking your head.

“No, thank you. I think I'm calling it a night.” You spoke as you hurried to gather your things and get out of there as soon as possible, trying to hold back tears that you refused to let fall, not in front of all of these strangers. You hated this. You hated feeling so exposed. So vulnerable. You couldn’t help but feel anger bubble inside of you, thoughts of Natasha being the only thing currently plaguing your mind, most along the lines of; ‘What was her excuse this time?’ ‘Who is she with instead?’, but, there was one in particular that you couldn’t help but focus on.

‘She promised.’

You hadn’t realised you were crying until you were in the taxi, catching a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror when the driver had adjusted it slightly to see the cars behind you, in the process, you’d also caught her eyebrows raise in concern and it wasn’t long before she started conversation.

“You okay back there?”

You laughed somewhat bitterly, but it wasn’t towards her. “Nothing I can't handle.”

Your response didn’t seem to settle her worry as she turned quickly and shot you a sad smile before returning her eyes to the road.

“Boy troubles?”

“Girl.” You rubbed your face, trying to rid yourself of any tear stains that may be lingering and messing up your once really pretty makeup. Not that it really mattered at this point.

“Ah, been there.” She held up her left hand, showing you the shimmering diamond on her finger. “The wife and I have had our fair share of arguments and fallouts, some of them included a situation like this one.”

“Crying in the backseat of a taxi?”

“Crying in the backseat of a taxi.” She laughed lightly, making you smile for the first time tonight.

“It had always worked out though, we’ve never been stronger.”

“Congratulations.” You looked towards the woman “I hope I could be so lucky.” You mumbled, though still loud enough for her to hear. You were mad at Natasha, more disappointed really, but you still loved her, dangerously so. She could stand you up for another 50 dates, and you’d still be head over heels. Angry, but your love would never falter.

“I’m sure you will be. If there’s one thing I've learned over the years, it’s that things have a way of falling into place eventually.”

Pondering her words, you looked out of the car window and noticed that you were pulling up to Stark Tower. It wasn’t long before the car came to a complete stop, the woman turning round to you and beginning to speak again.

“You’ll be okay. It’s obvious you love her, okay? Speak to her. I’m sure it’ll be alright.” She looked at you with nothing but kindness in her eyes, which you did your best to return with a smile. You reached into your purse, handing her the money owed, plus a tip.

“Thank you for the help.”

“Don’t worry about it, go get her.” She winked as you got out of the car and watched her drive away, quickly taking yourself inside to avoid freezing to death as the cold wind blew harshly. Kicking your heels off, you set off with one task at hand. Talk to Nat.

__________________________

“Hey, have any of you guys seen Nat?” You addressed some members of the team who were hanging out in the Kitchen, fixing themselves a snack or just conversing with one another. The second they looked up and took in their appearance, you could’ve sworn their faces paled and saddened slightly as if they knew what had happened.

“I think I saw her head off to train a while ago, but I'm not sure if she’s still there.” Carol replied, her face morphing into one of seriousness. She knew about the missed dates, having found you one night looking completely defeated in one of your nicest dresses and heels. She, alongside Wanda, who had found you both later that night, had spent their night comforting you and reassuring you that she probably hadn’t meant it. They didn’t know what to do, they’d never seen you look so sad before, no matter how much you told them it was okay, the pang in their chest for their best friend hadn’t ceased.

You nodded, quietly thanking Carol and wandered off in search for your girlfriend.

It didn’t take long, she was still training when you’d walked into the gym, sweat practically pouring off of her. Your heart softened briefly when you saw her, her fiery red hair tied back into a ponytail with loose strands all over the place, wearing a black t-shirt, grey sweatpants and a deadpan face as she attacked the dusty punching bag with such force that you’re surprised it hasn’t flown off of the chains yet.

She hadn’t noticed you had walked in, still giving all of her focus to her punches. Maybe she just hadn’t heard you?

“Hi Nat.”

Nothing.

“Nat”

All you could hear was the furious rattling of chains, still not getting a response from the redhead. With a sigh, you decided to try another approach. You stepped closer to her, still keeping a little distance, and leaned forward to tap her shoulder, instantly grabbing her attention. She flung herself around, arm still in midair, her closed fist almost coming into contact with your face.

You don’t know what you expected when she turned around and finally acknowledged your presence, but you definitely didn’t expect to be met with a scowl.

“Seriously? in the middle of training? I could’ve hit you.” She huffed as she turned back to her previous position.

“Sorry. I just wanted to come in and talk to you.”

“About?”

You paused, expecting her to look at you again, but she didn’t.

With a small sigh, you continued. “you missed date night again. I waited for you, but you were a no show.”

“Right, yeah, date night” she muttered, seeming to be unfocused as her eyebrows furrowed and her head kept darting around the room, looking anywhere but at you. “I’ll make the next one.”

“This is the third one you’ve missed this month.” You said firmly, wanting her to understand that this can’t keep happening, of course cancellations or rearrangements were bound to happen sometimes, but she’s just not showing up and then leaving you in the dark as to knowing why.

“I told you, i’ll make the next one.” She walked over to the bench, picking up her water bottle and taking a swig of water, looking directly at you, you look back at her and she just looks so, unbothered.

“I don’t believe you, Nat. You say you’ll make it up to me and then I sit there again, hoping that you’ll be there this time, but you don’t turn up. And now I come back and you’re just training. Could it not have waited? Was that seriously more important?” You raised your voice now, all the anger and frustration you’d felt earlier coming back up to the surface.

You just wanted an explanation, or something to justify how she was acting, but she gave you nothing, not even an attempt, only adding fuel to the fire.

“Why are you getting so annoyed? You should know better than anyone that this is my job.”

“I just explained that to you! Which is more than what you’re giving me right now.”

“Okay, fine, forgive me for not making everything about you for a minute.” She spat bitterly towards you, her temper starting to go as the discussion became more heated.

“Seriously? That’s how you’re seeing this?” If you weren’t so unbelievably irritated, you would’ve laughed at her response.

“You’re being selfish. So I missed a date or two, you’re blowing this out of proportion once again, it’s infuriating.” Selfish?

You raised both your hands, as if in surrender. It was one thing to ditch you, it was another thing to then insult you for speaking up about it. With a tight lipped smile, oozing with sarcasm, you decided that you’d had enough.

“I don’t need to listen to this.”

She shrugged her shoulders, adjusting the gloves she’d just put on. “Then don’t, i’m busy anyways.”. This time, you did laugh.

“What a fucking surprise.”. And with that, you turned on your heels and walked out, hearing the echo of punches fill the room once again, every one feeling like a punch to the stomach.

Maybe these are things falling into place, just not the place you’d hoped.

________________________

You were still in bed at noon the next day, unable to bring yourself to get up and face the world. You didn’t need to worry about anything in the confinement of your bed, even more so considering it wasn’t the bed you shared with Natasha.

After speaking, well, arguing with her last night, you went straight to your shared bedroom, gathered some clothes and your essentials, and slept in your old room that you used to stay in before the two of you started dating. It felt wrong. You always spent your nights with a warm feeling of love washing over you as your girlfriend pressed kisses all over your face, tangling your limbs together in the process.

It wasn’t the same. You felt cold, a type of cold that no heating or blankets could solve. You lacked a weight on your waist, fingertips stroking the skin that was exposed due to your top riding up slightly. Instead, the only comfort you had was the small bear you’ve kept for the las year. It was one that Natasha had given you after she won it at the funfair on your third date, and you could never bring yourself to part with it, remembering how happy she looked when she handed it to you, and the butterflies you felt just from seeing her look so pleased.

The bear was a little worn and torn now, it had been ripped in a couple of places, now replaced with a little sewn on patch of material that didn’t exactly match the shade of brown, and one of the eyes had started to fall off, but you liked that it was different. The assassin had tried to offer to replace it and buy you a new one, but you’d always refuse, insistent that you would keep that bear with you for the rest of time. Even now, when the two of you weren’t speaking, you still held onto it with a death-tight grip.

A knock on the door snapped you out of your daydream.

“Y/N, open up, It’s me.” A familiar voice shouted through. Carol.

“And me!” Wanda.

You heard some muttering outside of the door, something along the lines of Carol suggesting they break the door down, immediately being told that it was unnecessary by the Sokovian. Feeling pretty against the idea of having a doorway with no door, you called out for them.

“Guys, it’s unlocked.” You were quiet, but it was clear that they had heard you as the faint talking stopped altogether and you heard them walk in and shut the door behind them with a ‘click’.

Wanda was the first to approach you, kneeling down beside the bed so that she was at eye level with you, pulling the bed covers down a little to uncover more than your forehead. Once she could see your eyes and nose, she sent you a warm smile.

“Hi sleepy. It’s noon.”

“I know.” She frowned when she heard you speak, your voice raspy from your crying through the night. She hated seeing you like this, she loved both you and Natasha, and it hurt to see you so sad because of the woman you adored.

“We should go and eat something, it’ll help.”

“‘M not hungry.” You pressed your head further into the pillow, the last thing you wanted to do was eat, your stomach already feeling like it was twisting with every minute that passed.

“C’mon, i’ll make you your favourite.” the blonde winked, leaning against your wardrobe.

“Your special pancakes?”

“With extra whipped cream.” She sang, playfully trying to encourage you to leave the bed. You had to hand it to her, she knew you too well.

WIth a brief look between the two, you rubbed your eyes and threw the covers off dramatically, sighing and ensuring that they knew you didn’t approve of this. They knew you were joking, even if you weren’t, all they cared about was making sure you were okay, knowing that when you felt like this, being left alone allows you to neglect yourself and get really low. They don’t mind if you dislike them for a little while, as long as you are looked after.

“There we go! Well done.” Wanda stroked your back and led you towards the door where Carol held it open for you.

“No breaking it down behind my back.” You shot towards her, slightly amused at the guilty look on her face as she realised you’d heard her quarrel beforehand. Shaking her head, she nudged you out of the door, and the three of you made your way into the kitchen.

_______________________

Carol had stuck to her promise of preparing a sweet treat for you, a stack of fluffy pancakes sat in front of you, topped with whipped cream and two cherries on top. You ate slow, still a little cautious of how stable your stomach felt. You could see your two friends talk with one another, not wanting to stare and make you uncomfortable, but occasionally looking over silently to check in on you.

You were feeling pretty content as you sat at the counter, munching away with the two avengers for company. It was only when you heard a voice that you could recognise anywhere.

“Hi guys.”

Not daring to look up, you ket your eyes focused on the food in front of you, hoping that if you just stay quiet, you’ll be invisible to the human eye.

“Hey Nat.”

“Hi.”

Wanda and Carol replied, wary of any interaction between the pair of you that could unfold into something neither of you wanted or that would lead to any regrets.

You lifted your head slightly, able to see the daggers Carol was throwing at Nat, not impressed with her being in the room. You both had always been quite close, often talking about life before becoming superheroes that protect the planet, in her case, planets. In the process, she’d found herself having a soft spot for you, wanting to protect you from anything that could bring you harm. Which you were grateful for, but her glaring was terrifying sometimes, you were more grateful for the fact that her powers weren’t in her eyes, otherwise you would’ve definitely become single five minutes ago.

You could see Natasha out of the corner of your eye, she was filling up the bottle she used for when she was training, her eyes weren’t on what she was doing, instead, she was trying to subtly look up at you through the hood of her eyes. You subconsciously took the opportunity to really take in her appearance.

Her hair hadn’t been tended to since you last saw her, half of it was hanging out of her ponytail, most of it falling in front of her face. Her eyes looked glassy and bloodshot, like she had been crying recently and you could’ve sworn that was your t-shirt she was wearing. The sight sent a wave of sadness over you, wanting nothing more than to leap over the counter and pull her into your arms and tell her things were fine, that the two of you were fine. But you stayed seated, too nervous to make a move.

You didn’t know it, but she regretted speaking to you last night, instantly realising what she’d done after she came back to her room to find it empty and half of your stuff gone. She knew immediately where you’d gone and would’ve gone through to talk it through with you, but she didn’t think it would help. She wanted you to have your time and space before approaching the situation.

With that, she tightened the lid on her bottle, sent you an apologetic smile and walked out of the room, leaving behind an awkward atmosphere in her absence.

“You alright?” Wanda asked

“Yeah, yeah no I'm okay. I’m feeling a little tired though, I'll catch you guys in a bit, okay?” You stood from your seat, not giving either of the two a chance to stop you as you walked out and back to bed. What a day.

_______________________

Hours had gone by now and you were back wrapped up under your bed covers, still clinging onto your bear. You hadn’t bothered to change, you went straight to bed after walking in the door. You’d managed to get some sleep earlier, not a lot, but it was something.

You tossed and turned, trying to find any way of being comfortable so your body could rest and your mind could shut off, but it was deemed to be impossible. All you could think about was your argument with Nat, and how she looked so upset earlier. The thought alone triggered the waterworks again, this time, you didn’t even attempt to stop them.

Only a couple of minutes had passed before there was yet again, another knock on your door. You rolled your eyes, really not wanting any more visitors, you were grateful for the help, but you really wanted to be alone.

“Guys, I’m fine! It’s late, get some sleep.” You called out, waiting to hear retreating footsteps, but they never came. Huh. That’s weird? You brushed it off quickly, assuming that it must’ve just been too quiet to hear, which you wouldn’t put past you due to all the sniffling you’ve been doing in an attempt to silence your crying.

You were wrong. The person at your door hadn’t walked away. They also weren’t Wanda or Carol. Instead, it was who you least expected to be in your room at god knows what time at night after the events that had unfolded recently.

“Hi.” The redhead whispered, worrying that if she spoke any louder, you’d be able to hear her voice shake with nerves, or the huge lump in her throat that wouldn’t budge.

You froze on the spot when you realised who it was, not entirely sure how you were gonna play this. Realistically, you might as well just see what it is she wants, it couldn’t hurt, could it?

“Hey.”

Her footsteps were practically silent but still felt deafening as she stepped closer to you, cringing slightly at how tense and forced all of this felt. It was her fault, she knew that, she hoped you did too. She didn’t want you blaming yourself for her actions, although she couldn’t say anything if you did, she was the one who had insulted you and planted the thought in your head, and she felt every fibre in her body beg for you to forgive her.

Approaching with caution, she walked up to the top of the bed, kneeling where Wanda had been earlier, but unlike Wanda, she didn’t reach out for you. She didn’t feel she had the right. Not now. She quickly took note of your eyes and how they were drooping and red, just like how hers had been earlier, which is how she could know in an instant that you had just been crying. She felt like a knife had gone through her chest at the sight, knowing that she had done that to you. She’d let you down so much that it had brought you to laying in bed alone and crying.

You mumbled something incoherent, completely muffled by the covers that were blocking your mouth.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you through the cover, could you tell me that again?”

You looked down a little, debating on doing it or just asking her to leave this conversation for another day. ‘But, she was already here, so you may as well get on with it.’ you thought, and with that, you tugged the covers down a little, letting Natasha see your full face now, unable to stop a tiny hint of a smile creeping up on her face. Your nose was runny, your eyes were puffy, and your face was flushed, but that didn’t change the fact that she still believed you to be the most beautiful woman she’d seen.

“Has something h-happened?” You hiccuped, noticing the frown take over her features as she maintained her eye contact with you.

“Yeah. i was a complete idiot.”

“Nat-”

“No, no, please. I want to explain. I need to explain. Please?” She pleaded, not caring how desperate she might’ve looked.

You paused for a minute before sighing gently, nodding at her and giving her a non-verbal go ahead to continue. She took a deep breath, looking away for a second then looking back at you before you could even blink. You could see her hands tremble a little, and while you were upset with her, you couldn’t leave it alone. You reached your hand out from under the cover and held it out to her, offering it for her to hold. She grabbed it without hesitation, squeezing it gently as a single tear fell, gathering the courage to say her next words.

“I have no excuse for what I did. There is nothing I could say that would make my actions plausible or acceptable, I shouldn’t have treated you like that or said what I did, and I understand if you can’t forgive me, or don’t want to. But I needed-, no, I need you to know, I'm sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N. You deserve better.”

More tears had fallen down her face at this point, her thumb not ceasing in their circular movements on the back of your hand. She didn’t know if this was going to be the last time she felt your hand in hers, so with every circle, she was savouring the moment, no matter how badly she wished it was under different circumstances.

You shuffled a little so you were in a more upright position, hoping that it would make speaking easier. You’d taken in every word, and while you were hurt, extremely hurt, you saw how remorseful she was. Her face showed no sign of humour or like she was lying. You could always tell when she was lying, her eyebrow always twitched a little, which you would always be in stitches about when she tried to say she didn’t eat your last cookie and her eyebrows would be moving like mad. They were as still as stone when she was speaking this time.

“You really hurt me, Nat. I didn’t think I was asking for much, just some time with you, that was all. And you left me every time, for work and with no notice. It was embarrassing.” She nodded in acknowledgement as she listened. “A-and then to come back and witness you being so, so, hostile, with me, I didn’t understand what I'd done.”

She gulped audibly before speaking again. “You hadn’t done a thing. Not a thing. I-I threw myself into work, into training. The last mission, I was sloppy, I wasn’t on my A game, it almost ended up with other people seriously hurt. So I thought-” She took a shaky breath in. “I thought, if I trained harder, It would mean I would be better for the next mission. But I disregarded everything else on the radar, including you, and then I got so mad at myself for it that I ended up taking it out on you instead. You don’t have a selfish bone in your body, and it was out of order for me to ever say so. It was wrong, and I don’t think I can apologise enough.`` She gave you an apologetic smile, tears streaming down her face steadily now.

“You know, when I came home from the restaurant, I had this driver.” You smiled. “Nice woman, she’s got a wife. She was telling me that it wasn’t easy for them. They had their ups and downs, their fights and bitterness. But they always found their way back to each other.” You whispered so softly that if there was any other noise in the room, Natasha wouldn’t have heard a word.

“And, when we argued, I really didn’t think we were going to be able to come back from that. I thought that maybe our time had expired.” You sniffled, your own tears trailing their way down your cheeks. Without thinking, she wiped them away, her palm pressing onto your warm cheek as you nuzzled into it, still finding comfort in her touch.

“I don’t want us to expire, Nat.”

There it was. There was the sentence that turned silent tears into fully body wracking sobs, your hands instinctively going to pull away and cover your face, instead, Natasha brought herself up to sit on the side of your bed, hastily bringing you into her chest and her free hand combing its way through your hair.

She rocked you back and forth, letting you get everything out of your system, no matter how much it hurt to hear.

“Shh, I’ve got you. I’m so sorry, moya lyubov.”

Your sobs soon died down with Nat’s help, sobs turning into faint pants with how tired you were and how much energy it had taken out of you. You looked up at her softly, as she smiled down at you.

“I love you, Natty.” You murmured, the words making the assassin’s heart grow fonder for you, if that was ever possible.

“I love you more.”

“Can you stay with me tonight? I can’t sleep without you.”

“Of course. Anything for you.” She leaned over you, bringing the blankets back up and over you, catching a glimpse of some brown fur among the darkness. She knew exactly what it was. She picked up up with the blankets and handed it to you, happiness overtaking her as she saw your eyes light up at the teddy she won for you.

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you, Detka.” She pressed a kiss to your temple before settling down, holding you tight in her grasp, refusing to let you go for anything or anyone, not that you were complaining, you’d missed this.

Nothing had to be decided tonight, there was no rush for discussion. Sure, there were still things to talk through and work out, but that can wait. All that mattered right now, was that Natasha was there. She was holding you in her arms and you felt every ounce of love and apology she could give you. And that was enough for now.

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