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luvmmarner · 1 year

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Cale Makar - jealousy , jealousy

PART OF SOUR SERIES (not my gif) TW: self esteem, that's all I think. For @haydee5010 IM SO SORRY I DIDN'T FINISH THIS I WAS FOCUSED ON ANOTHER IMAGINE BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! <3 - I kinda wanna throw my phone across the room

'Cause all I see are girls too good to be true

With paper-white teeth and perfect bodies

Wish I didn't care

You always wanted to be as beautiful as those models you have seen on TV. They always had perfect bodies and every boy loved that. You tried telling yourself you didn’t care, but you did, especially when you started dating Cale.

You were surprised when Cale asked you to be his girlfriend. You never thought you were enough for him. He was handsome and could get any girl he wanted, but he wanted you.

Co-comparison is killing me slowly

I think, I think too much

'Bout kids who don't know me

I'm so sick of myself

I'd rather be, rather be

Anyone, anyone else

At first, you didn't seem to mind that Cale would occasionally travel away on road trips and stay in hotels during such trips. You weren't bothered by the fact that he played hockey professionally. That is, until he started hanging out with his other teammates and other girls. One picture in particular made you start to compare yourself to the others. It was a picture of a young woman with blond hair who was beaming a smile; her teeth were white and pretty.. There was no doubt that she was attractive.

Overtime you kept comparing yourself and it was slowly killing your self confidence. You always dreamed of being someone else, someone that was beautiful and had no lack of confidence. You would constantly wish that you were anybody else, because you were just sick of yourself.

And I see everyone getting all the things I want

And I'm happy for them, but then again, I'm not

Everyone was getting what they wanted especially your friends while you weren’t. They had no self esteem problems unlike you. You tried to pretend to be happy whenever they got new stuff, but you weren’t. They had the one thing you so badly wanted was ‘confidence’.

All your friends are so cool, you go out every night

In your nice car, yeah, you're living the life

Got a pretty face, a pretty boyfriend too

I wanna be you so bad, and I don't even know you

All I see is what I should be

Happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy It didn’t take long for Cale to break up with you and leave you for someone more beautiful and way more confident. You were expecting it. He was getting tired of constantly convincing you there was no other girl in his life. It hurt and you tried to get over it, but the girl was so pretty and they looked so good together.

You just wanted to be her so badly. She was able to go out in public and not care what anybody had to say about her. You wished you could so desperately do the same. You didn’t even know her, but you wanted to be her.

There was no denying that you were jealous. You were jealous of her looks and her and Cale. They all posted on social media like it was nothing, not even hate comments stopped them from going out and living their best life. Like it did with you.

Oh, I'm so sick of myself

I'd rather be, rather be (oh-oh)

Anyone, anyone else

Jealousy, jealousy

You knew the jealousy wouldn’t stop and your confidence would take some time to get back. You were sick of how much you lacked it, but you would desperately try to get it back no matter what it takes. You even went out to a club and had the best night of your life. Even after a month everything seemed to be going normal because it was. You got your confidence you so needed back and you stopped comparing yourself to other people on the internet.

However the jealousy still remained and it would. You lost a life that could’ve been amazing. Cale was a great boyfriend and you destroyed that relationship beause of your self esteem. He found someone else and you were just glad he was happy, because now so are you.

#cale makar #nhl hockey #nhl imagine #nhl #hockey imagine #hockey #hockey angst #pure angst #angst #cale makar imagine #cale makar fic #colorado avalanche #nhl angst #sour series #nhl sour #jealousy #heart break

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angelwiththeblue-box · 1 year

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ALLLLLLLL RIGHT!!!

so. picture this. the year is i dont fucking know. local man morpheus nolastname manages to get so far into death's good graces that she's like yk what im going to not take you ever and morpheus is like bro thats sick as fuck are u my sister now and death is like mmm no.

and then she ditches him for three hundred odd years. morpheus goes through the ropes, watches the people around him die. he starts keeping journals of everything that goes wrong so that he doesnt forget any of the worst things. eventually he turns into this cold-hearted fucker who is trying his level best to escape. he makes a deal with like. idk a death god or something (probably an incarnation of the corinthian -- HOLD UP NO ITS RODERICK BURGESS) to help him capture death (but not hurt her!!! morpheus still loves her in his own way)

so things happen and death comes back to morpheus but not intentionally. maybe she gets caught on a job or something wrong place wrong time morpheus pretends not to know her and she doesnt recognise him until hes like AHA IT IS I MORPHEUS REMEMBER ME and shes like oh heyyyyyy buddy how you doing and hes like NOT FUCKING GOOD and proceeds to tell her why all of her plans are rubbish and she's a terrible person and for fucks sake PLEASE KILL HIM!!! this does not happen what does happen is that he helps roderick burgess capture her!! along the way they run into morpheus' archnemesis, a man named hob gadling. idk what they're archnemeses of possibly highwaymen shit idk

so they have some fun banter death Senses stuff and then things happen yadda yadda morpheus and death are on thin strings because morpheus still desperately wants to get out like he is so tired of everything living and dying and dropping like fucking mayflies

anyway back to morpheus' house which is probably just fawney rig where death is like morpheus i know you are more than this i remember you being kind and in love with storytelling please rememeber that and morpheus is like i dont remember that part of me that part of me is gone now thanks to you and then he pulls up with roderick burgess and they're like either you bring back randall (because yeah that cheeky fuck is still on that) and kill morpheus or we trap you here for good and death is like first off no i cant bring back your dead fucking son are you crazy and two bad news morpheus you cant ask for my gift after ive already refused it (this is a straight up LIE there is always a way out but morpheus secretly still loves humanity and death is still holding out hope)

and so theyre like fucking fine so basically the ritual to trap you forever requires the death of a mortal so theyre initially going to kill alex burgess which death does NOT LIKE and is staunchly againsrt BUT THEN!!! the police pull up and are like LORD BURGESS/LORD MORPHEUS!! HOB GADLING HAS BEEN CAPTURED!! HE IS TO HANG IN THE GALLOWS IN HALF AN HOUR!

and morpheus manages to convince burgess to change the sacrifice from alex to hob mostly because he doesnt want burgess to lose another son but he passes it off as like. idk practicality or something so they go to the hanging and death manages to get herself out of her traps and so cut to the hanging right

hob gadling is terrified out of his mind but hes cracking jokes to stay sane and morpheus pulls up in a carriage and goes and stands next to him on the stage because the whole damn town knows about their issues TM and morpheus wants a front row seat to hob's demise and hob is still just trying to make the people like him enough to save him and hes like hey listen what about a kiss from a lord before i die (homophobia whos she never heard of her) and morpheus obliges and is like oh fuck and hob is like oh fuck and the DEATH pulls up (roderick burgess is still in the carriage) and gets there just as hob is about to be hung but he recognises her in the crowd and is like OH SHIT I CAN STALL MORE DEATH DEATH and she sees what hes doing and also she doesnt have an appt with him today something must be up and so she cracks jokes WITH HIM and then burgess is like ENOUGH and pops out and goes to kill hob and very nearly succeeds and his whole ritual thing starts to wreak havoc on the town and morpheus has to watch and he has no idea how to stop it and he turns to death and goes "HELP ME JESUS CHRST I CARE ABOUT THEM WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THEM HOW DO I STOP THIS" and death is like YESSSSSSS and shes like hob gadling is the catalyst if you save him it will end all of this but the blow burgess gave him was fatal and then death is like i could refuse him my gift and after a moment where the rushing in morpheus' ears is the only thing he hears he remembers the kiss and he tells death to take away her gift

nothing happens, she doesnt gesture or anything, but in that instant, the spell dies. hob gadling was never meant to die, but it only mattered when death actively refused to give him her gift.

anyway they fix things burgess dies blah blah morpheus and death and hob go and have a drink (there is Flirting happening with morpheus and hob) and morpheus is like is it true that you cant ever kill me and death is like no that was a lie but come on do you really want to die and she makes some implications (side eye over to where hob is having a laugh in the corner) and morpheus is like no i suppose not but i dont wish to continue as i am and he decides to seek out those like him (like mad hettie or others) and just. tell their stories. that will be his job. he will be the prince of stories. the thing is, the people that live the longest always have the best tales to tell.

~~~~~

THAT CAME OUT IN LIKE TWENTY MINUTES HOLY FUCK

double points if you can guess what this is an au of

this is great i love it

#also i have no idea #val answers #spi!!!#steve to my robin <3

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itskyleeyo · 2 years

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*how i feel currently is best described as “that funny feeling” by bo burnham*

laying in bed rn and asking myself “why do i feel so empty when im flooded with emotions?” (anger. rage. fear. sadness.) and then it dawned on me. there’s a hole in my heart where my hope should be.

i, as a person, try my best to see the bright side. try to be flexible. be understanding. but it is so goddamn hard to understand the amount of hate in this country. i try to be flexible, but they’re going to bend me until i break. how do you find a bright side in all of this?

yknow what’s funny? all of this hate around me is bringing out the hate in me. the amount of anger i feel now honestly scares me sometimes.

i constantly hear older adults complaining about how “you can’t say an opinion/joke/belief nowadays because everyone is so sensitive.” as they hear about the most recent shooting and go “that’s a shame” and continue on with their day. whilst also dramatizing and being overly emotional/defensive about minute things. for example, getting offended when we don’t laugh at their racist jokes. they complain about how we act, when it directly stems from their lack of giving a shit about anything important.

i have to remind myself that some things are really, truly, genuinely out of my control. i have to remind myself that my anger is not at myself, and that i had no say over who is in power.

i am so sick and fucking tired of pretending that i don’t care in front of others just to avoid getting into an argument about basic human rights.

*deep breaths yall* it’d probably be good practice to take my own advice, right? so i’m gonna pet my dog and list out things that ain’t too shabby. 1. i can vote now! hopefully i’ll feel less powerless. 2. i’m going to college soon! hopefully i’ll be able to express myself without fear of judgement. and i’ll get to wear my cute clothes. 3. my people! my family. my friends. i love y’all so much and are my rock. you are the reason i keep going. 4. i can make a difference (even if it’s a small one) 5. people care about me. there are people out there that wish me well. 6. i care about me! i am good enough for myself. 7. there is still good! i will not let the state of our government ruin everything for me. there are flowers, and sunsets, and videos of goats eating fruit! and fluffy cows!!

it feels like a lot, and it is, but we can get through this. find your rock and hold on tight. go now, and i mean right now, and find you some happy. a video or a shitpost or a song. watch a vine compilation. it is ok to be angry or sad or scared or hurt, but don’t let it destroy you completely. go watch goats eat plants, or ducks run across wood so their feet make the “pit pat” noise! take this moment (even if it is just a moment) to bring a genuine smile to your own face. we can survive this. you are not alone. ily.

#scotus #fuck the system #fuck the supreme court #united states #sad #angry #rant post #bo burnham #hopeful?#we can get through this

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sereniv · 3 months

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its so hard to find the balance of being informed and knowing whats happening, and focusing on my mental stability.

bc on one hand no matter what i do it feels like i cant just block it all out. it feels wrong. and i mean block everything. as in ignoring every post, not reading anything thats going on in palestine. or any other place

to just pretend like its not happening is not something I feel comfortable doing even if it might help mentally. but i dont even think id be able to

i dont need to see the videos or the pictures or read graphic summaries. and that is enough, is to even do the bare minimum

but even the bare minimum feels like too much.

and lately no matter how much i distance myself from it all its already in my head

and sometimes it feels like im off my pills. when i used to have strong delusions of reality being a simulation or of being watched etc

paranoid delusions and shit like that

like when i say i feel like im going insane i literally feel it. it feels familiar. but worse in a lot of ways

like i know what is happening is real but i can barely comprehend it.

i know what i see is real but through a lense its easy for my brain to just be confused at what im seeing. or hearing.

its a simialr feeling to when we read about the holocaust in school and when i saw pictures and read personal accounts.

i knew that it was real, it felt real to a point, but its like it didnt feel real in a way like so shocking that it causes dissociation

and like im doing the most i can do for myself. because theres no ignoring everything bc i already know its happening.

and now i have to manage my psychosis that im keeping at bay. and then ofc on top of that taking care of my grandma and both pets

amongst other things

i havnt felt this bad in a long time.

luckily i have stuff to distract myself but its like

always on in the background of my mind. it feels so claustrophobic like i want to break things

its hard to keep the right mindset and not just blow up at people, or to be 'reactionary'. which, i mean emotions first thoughts second.

its hard to push that down and act appropriately and normally. and to actually be able to think about what im saying

like its so hard to not cry or dream about this stuff. and like weed doesnt even help, and theres no way im going back to drinking

so its like i just have to raw dog the emotions.

idk maybe ill try edibles again, bc the smoking just isnt good for me

i just hope at least my grandma is able to get out of pain bc im getting so stressed im starting to think about adopting my pets out again just to be able to function

having to take misha out every 20 minutes fucking sucks. having to feed them sucks. having to take her out and scoop and to scoop cowboys cat box sucks

and im not getting enough sleep but at the same time somehow getting too much sleep

and then my tablet needing a replacement

and my room is a mess and trying to keep the dishes clean but they pile up every few days

and then just wanting to enjoy something like food and all im eating is gluten and its making me physically ill and in pain and tired

im dehydrated bc i drink at most an 8 oz glass of water a day, but on average a cup

which makes my muscles weak, im having trouble breathing

somehow im keeping it together

luckily im back on my meds

my grandma could die soon when she gets surgery and i really hope that doesnt happen bc i can not handle that rn at all

its just too much

also going to turn 31 this month when it feels like i turned 30 just a handful of months ago

so idk how i feel about that

i just feel physically sick rn. i should be sleeping but my sleep schedule is fucked up so i dont end up sleeping until like noon or 7am

#Just venting #just me stuff i need to get out #i dont need comfort this is just pure venting to destress a little

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diary-of-a-vampire · 4 months

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It happened again, and I don’t even feel guilty anymore. I kept wanting do go deeper, even if I know it’s dangerous. Somehow, it’s like I don’t even really care about anything anymore lately.

All seems so bleak as to how it used to be lately, and I don’t even know why because I can understand I have the best life.

I felt depressed and didn’t even understand why because I don’t feel like I have a reason.

At least my mind feels refreshed again, and I feel like I should care more about the way I’m actually doing this to myself - I guess it has become familiar and ‘normal’ to me.

I care less about the scars it leaves, somehow, I have this perhaps bad mindset where I even hope someone will see my scars, and wonder if I’m doing fine - even if I know I’ll be fine again in summer and wonder why I did this.

Don’t want my mom to see them, since she already said ‘but it’ll leave scars’, yeah, so? Just stop talking about it, pretend it’s not there, somehow, it triggers me - but I should say that, she can’t know that I guess.

Im always triggered lately, or bleak, or lost; lights are one but nobody’s home when I look in the mirror some days. I don’t know what’s wrong with me honestly, perhaps I’m bored… I guess I should find myself stupid, but I don’t even feel anything. It’s like I don’t even really care.

I notice I chase people who are wrong for me and push away those who aren’t - and then I don’t know what’s right or wrong or left or right or my path or anything. Sometimes… I don’t know.

When has everything become so complicated again? Or were things never easy to begin with? It feels like it’s all my fault, like I’ll make a mess out of everything. I don’t know.

I want to write more, but I’m tired. The realisation of what I just did hasn’t sunken in… should I feel guilty for being this way, actually taking a knife and hurt myself?

I feel good, but I also feel empty right now. Somehow lately, I notice, that it doesn’t even hurt anymore - at least, less. Perhaps I’m an addict, and I want to keep feeling more and more, until one day it might be the death of me. I don’t know…

Somehow I have moments where I feel lonely again, but I also don’t feel like doing anything about it. I also like to do things on my own.

Perhaps that’s where loneliness comes from, idk. Whatever.

For me, I have so little scars, like I’m not even sick enough. Afraid they’ll fade and everything I’ve been through might’ve been for nothing and wasn’t even bad enough to be seen or remembered.

But I guess for someone else who doesn’t self harm it’s a whole lot… I don’t know… should it even matter?

I wish I had a girlfriend already…

Whatever, perhaps I just need some sleep or something. I hope I won’t be too shocked when the realisation of what I’ve done has kicked in - right at the spot where I wanted a pretty tattoo :( did I ruin it now?

Perhaps that’s my own fault then…

I don’t know what to think anymore, I don’t feel like being sad for that now - even if that would be better and would perhaps stop me if there is a next time.

Whatever, all will be fine. I hope (because my anxiety is more high again).

Good night <3

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biscuitsngravie · 5 months

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vent under cut // disability, injury

sometimes i wish i was just born with the disabilities i have now. like, im sure that i was already disabled to an extent (most teenagers don't get sick once a month for a year i dont think) but it's like

when ppl say ur one accident away from houselessness or disability they're right. cause after my first car accident i was mostly "fine" (fine enough to walk home instead of taking the ambulance cause i was scared of the cost). i was lucky that i ended up working from home for that year coincidentally enough. credit score? shot. finances? shot. but i could still "function" mostly.

then there was my second car accident. being the passenger, that quote about passengers getting the bulk of injury? yeah. couldnt walk, couldnt stand, could barely breathe. but i did it. did my at home exercises and learned how to mostly do things again. like yeah my back hurts more often than not, and i cant stand for as long as i used to, and there are these weird pains all over my torso sometimes, but im "fine."

then that fucking ladder months after my second accident. if those two didnt take me out, the ladder sealed the deal. barely able to do anything by lie down and stretch my muscles as needed. constantly on painkillers just to go to exist. and after months of physical therapy (i had to go to myself because it wasn't "far enough" to be covered, which included a minimum of an hour walk and occasionally more) im deemed good enough to go back to work for one hundred percent care. yay me.

im "totally" healed, right? buuuuut i just gotta do these back exercises every day for the rest of my life to stand and oh yeah, im at risk of scoliosis now. im "good as new," right? yeah for sure, i just need to take some form of painkiller on occasion because all the places that "used" to hurt (they never really stopped hurting) will have flair ups and, oh would you look at that, i cant walk today. i cant stand today. i cant breathe today.

im so tired. jobs dont take me seriously cause im not legally registered as disabled. but if i even put on the application or mention that ive at the minimum history of disability, they ask me if i can "handle" the job. they send me emails saying they "filled the position." so since im not "really" disabled they can just basically give me bullshit. and i would register, and i wanna register so bad! i want a prescription for a wheelchair, to get a proper crutch, or crutches when both my knees arent being agreeable. i wanna be able to sit in the fucking disability spot on the bus without people staring at me to get up just because someone with a visible disability came in or an elderly person walked on.

im tired of having to pretend that im not in constant fucking pain because im so young. young people arent disabled. black women arent disabled.

but its also so scary. to prove disability is one of the most frightening and dehumanizing processes ive heard of. even when i was doing the claim after i fell off the fucking ladder did prove to be a hassle. and that was in my favor. the fact that ive been working is definitely not gonna help the situation. "if disabled, why work? 🤔"

theres also the savings cap. i have trips i wanna go to, places i wanna be. having a savings cap on being a recipient of disability is actually asinine. theyre pushing to raise and it and GOD i hope that bill goes through.

they basically fuck you over if you're married so there goes my aspirations of partnering ig. countries that wont let you cause ur disabled. countries that wont let you immigrate because of disability. its all so much.

this is all so fucked and this system is so fucked and its so tiring. i just honestly wish i was just born with whatever i have going on right now so that id know what to do. i just woke up one day and now i have an entire routine just to exist and i just wish it was already part of my life in some way ig. idk.

part of me is so mad. why did i listen to those people pressure me to get a car? why did i have to comment on missing that turn? why did they try to make that turn? why didnt i just, idk, not fall off the ladder hello?? why didnt i just take the medical debt from the hospital? would i be able to walk better or get care or get a case and be approved if i just kept going to the hospital instead of working?

hell, those fuckers at the original emergency room didnt even touch me, saying that i'll "bounce back because [i'm] young." its been a year now. theres not fucking "bouncing back."

i cant fucking walk as well as i used to. i cant stand some days. some days i have to practice how to breathe. i just wish that instead of having repeated trauma i was just born with it or something so that this isnt new. i hope that doesnt come off as ignorant as fuck or rude. idk how else to word it.

i wonder about if i can even take the sports i want to next year. or if i can even work at this new job that wants me to work all these hours a week. idk. working all those hours a week is ridiculous anyway. if the accidents didnt disable me that shit wouldve eventually anyway ig. guess i just got a head start. look at me, an overachiever. i did next week's work, too, teacher.

i feel like if i could get diagnosed or if i got diagnosed as a child that i'd be "legit." that i woudlnt have to "prove" to anyone that im disabled. i hate telling people i hurt and hearing about how much i "dont know about." or hear "wait till ur older." im tired of having to constantly tell ppl that young ppl can hurt, too, just to divulge in my medical history to "prove" that im "actually" disabled. im so tired. i just wanna say my knee hurts and someone passes me an ibuprofen or acetaminophen.

#vent #vent post #personal vent #disability

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thelocalconstellation · 8 months

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Just gotta shout into the void for a minute

Something about the fact that I'm just. So fucking exhausted right now. Between work and school and the fact that I was sick for the last week, still suffering after effects actually, which caused me to miss 75% of the week, I'm so so so fucking tired. Nothing really helps either. I feel like my wizard keeps getting dragged into encounters I'm out of spell slots so I'm down to my last few hit points and I'm stuck fighting with my fists because I can't do anything else.

I can't do homework because I need somebody there I can walk through it with or I can't get my ridiculous fucking brain to understand it because my fucking adhd put my processing speed in the dirt and my doctor didn't want to put me on meds last time and my next appointment to go over it again with the doctor and my dad isn't until next tuesday and it doesn't matter I have three shifts left until the season is over for work I'm pretending to have energy when I feel like I haven't gotten to have a break since early august and the two or three days in this mess I haven't been trying to do school stuff or at work I can't relax because I should be catching up on notes or doing practice questions or working on things I missed or doing one of a billion things and two people I knew died in the last month and I don't know how to tell you that seeing a kid who barely hit adulthood, a kid barely older than you dead is really fucking bad for you.

I don't know if its hormones if its adhd if its just my world keeps getting shaken like a really fucked up snowglobe or what but I haven't been able to regulate my emotions at all in the last month and I can never keep a decent sleep schedule during the school year which makes literally everything worse and so I'm stuck in an endless loop of falling asleep in class, trying to do the things I need to for class, trying to do homework or whatever I didn't manage to finish in class, not being able to go to sleep until late because I don't get home until five, I have to have dinner and do the dishes and do homework and I need some time to do something fun or I'm going to hit burnout a lot faster than I should and by the time I manage to actually do half that its anywhere from 11:30 to 2 am and I have to get up early so I can go in to get help for chem because I fell asleep yesterday and I missed something and I don't understand the material because my brain refuses to take anything I learn and actually put it away!!!!!

Im just. So fucking tired. So so tired i want to be able to be nice and help people when they ask and do things but I'm in a damn near constant state of overstimulated and exhausted and I don't know of anything that I can do to fix it at all and i just dont know anymore.

I want to sleep. I have a headache. I cant sleep because I'm stressed about everything ever. I cant manage my personal hygiene well enough to try and even do anything about it via self care. I don't know how to dress or anything to give me any good vibes about my appearance beyond "this is socially acceptable". I barely know what I might want to do after high school but I have no idea if its attainable. I fucked up my savings by spending too much in places I didn't think I'd be going near and I still don't know how to remind my friends they need to pay me back for sushi without being rude because theres an extra 60 bucks I didn't account for.

I could barely stand in front of a mirror long enough to clean my piercings because I hate how I look when I've been crying and I hate how I look generally because nothing but my hair feels right anymore and I'm too tired for much else.

I've been being upbeat and energetic the last couple days at work when I want nothing more than to sleep all day because nothing else feels even remotely like it brings me joy anymore.

My brain feels so fucking loud all the time and I can't think and i can't focus and I don't want to spend money on constantly buying coffee in hopes I can focus the next class because that gets expensive and I don't want to do that with energy drinks because I don't want my kidneys to hate me and I don't know where the caffeine pills went and tea never has enough to help me focus and I can't get the adhd to bugger off long enough for me to do my schoolwork and I'm stressed and tired and I feel like I'm out of options. I don't have energy to hang around my friends much anymore. I've got one friend i can interact with regularly without being more tired and I don't know if I'll even have time to talk to them much this week. Nothing I've tried is working and I'm just. Tired.

Im just some kid. I'm too tired for this guys

#vent post #tw vent #tw death mention #tw child death #technically?#he was barely an adult if at all.#death mention tw

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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year

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good morning lovie!! i've read this fic and omg it's cute TT 1) i think it made my forehead even more hot (not as hot as you though ;)) due to the temperature, 2) why sonya?? no but why?? why sonya?? really self-indulged but as i know it's mostly spread on the territory of slavik countries? i may be really wrong but ig i never heard specifically this very form 'sonya' in you know... foreign media and all. kitty gif TT i love your kitty gifs sm TT they're so cute TT 'im too lazy to think of them all' lol we're so same... when i came to kpop i wanted to know like every group existing and now i don't even remember some of the names of idols i used to like... but what a soft spot svt and got7 got in my heart TT svt's japanese releases?? the pure blessing. 'well ur my cat now' meow meow. if those songs about broken heart and being high when i was merely 12 had made me your cat than ig i can tell everyone how i've gone a really long way... to teach you all how to be successful!! 'im starting my classes so it will take a while' it's all fine!! take all the time you need!! yk that i can wait for a what? yeah never tired of the jokes abt it classes should be your first priority, tumblr can handle you living your big brained life. 'what you think of what i’ll end up with' end up first ig TT but i'm eager to know too 'WHY SHAPED LIKE FRIEND' actually there was a bear that attacked 2 children once... akmu are good. i'm not really a fan but they do have charming voices. i liked 'let's take time' more. ballads or ballads-like songs aren't for me ig. 'resistance to getting sick???' ig i understand hvhdjdj. thanks love!! guess i shouldn't send you grateful kisses rn but i do appreciate it!! luv u<з 'SOMETIMES IT SHOULD JUST WRITE ITSELF!!!!' YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! so right catmom so right!!!! what are these scientists even doing?? why can't they invent such a thing?? i know probably some things like this exist but it's not exactly what we need!! 'my ears T_T' god bless your ears... and thanks for explaining all these music words!! hfjsjs guess soon i'll be able to understand these people who attended music school (dk if it's truly what they call it) i've got results of that academic competition, btw. as i've said, i'd done really bad. but i'm 14th! the meme is NO ONE got even more than a half... like no one has even 50 when the max is 100. even the winner... we're all so silly and it makes me feel better. 'good night my love!' it's almost every time night. so thanks!! good morning to you, hottie-cutie!!! have a nice day! praying for you!! pretending that i'm scared by your threat (will you do anything to your cat?? meow meow). hope i'll get better soon too. love you!! take care <з

GOOD MORNING <3 lets hope i answer fast enough before my class starts AHAHAHAH (not that that my online classes have ever stopped me from doing anything)

LOL THIS CAT REMINDS ME OF THIS OTHER CAT IN PUSS IN BOOTS

life imitates art imitates life HAHAHAHAH

anyway

i've read this fic and omg it's cute TT 1) i think it made my forehead even more hot (not as hot as you though ;)) due to the temperature,

T_T yes im so glad you acknowledge im hot but pls take care of yourself drink some water T_T idk have some chicken soup? and drink your medicine. im glad you think its cute it is 😌

2) why sonya?? no but why?? why sonya?? really self-indulged but as i know it's mostly spread on the territory of slavik countries? i may be really wrong but ig i never heard specifically this very form 'sonya' in you know... foreign media and all.

HAHHAAHAHAH well to be fair, i had a libriarian in school i think her name was sonia with an i but idk so for the longest time i thought sonya was spanish because the philippines had the spanish as their colonizers for 333 years lol. but i will say i was just going through girl names as one does when writing and i found sonya and was like yes i like the way that name sounds. her name was supposed to be cornellia then lucille then smth else but i liked sonya the most. i did see in the description it was russian in origin so it made me like it even more lol. not because of you HAHAHAHAHAH i didnt even think of you then AHHAHAHAHAHAH but because i have just always liked the way russian names sound. <3

idk it sounds very satisfying to me, both very familiar and foreign all at once. i like the letter blends you have <3 i esp like it when russian boy names sound 'feminine' lol cos again we were colonized by spain and spanish words that end in 'a' are usually classified as feminine, and so when i found out russian names like alexander and dmitri had nicknames like sasha and misha i was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 HUH? THATS ADORABLE i jusT LIKE FEMENINE SOUNDING BOY NAMES AND SOME MASCULINE SOUNDING GIRL NAMES OK LHASDHALSHDSA I WENT ON A RANT AHAHAHAHH

kitty gif TT i love your kitty gifs sm TT they're so cute TT

cats are so weird and cute

'im too lazy to think of them all' lol we're so same... when i came to kpop i wanted to know like every group existing and now i don't even remember some of the names of idols i used to like... but what a soft spot svt and got7 got in my heart TT svt's japanese releases?? the pure blessing.

HAHAAH LAZY BIG BRAIN THINGS HAHAAHH. i love japanese comebacks too!!! HONESTLY WERE SO THE SAME. i think japanese comebacks are sometimes better than the korean ones lol HASLdhas AHAHHAHAH idk i think it has something to do with the language again cos japanese also gives me the same vibes as russian that is familiar and foreign all at once. probably cos of all the consonants.

'well ur my cat now' meow meow. if those songs about broken heart and being high when i was merely 12 had made me your cat than ig i can tell everyone how i've gone a really long way... to teach you all how to be successful!!

T_T my success cat coach T_T HAHAHHAHHAH

'im starting my classes so it will take a while' it's all fine!! take all the time you need!! yk that i can wait for a what? yeah never tired of the jokes abt it

AHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA will do baby cakes

classes should be your first priority, tumblr can handle you living your big brained life.

slay

'what you think of what i’ll end up with' end up first ig TT but i'm eager to know too

T_T LOL ASHFHAS:OFHA:SF

'WHY SHAPED LIKE FRIEND' actually there was a bear that attacked 2 children once...

akmu are good. i'm not really a fan but they do have charming voices. i liked 'let's take time' more. ballads or ballads-like songs aren't for me ig.

i see i see this is where we begin to differ i think hahahha interesting

'resistance to getting sick???' ig i understand hvhdjdj. thanks love!! guess i shouldn't send you grateful kisses rn but i do appreciate it!! luv u<з

lhafhasfh;asf pssshhh you can send me kisses its fine im not gonna catch your fever through the screen Ashlash aHAHHAHAHHAH

'SOMETIMES IT SHOULD JUST WRITE ITSELF!!!!' YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! so right catmom so right!!!! what are these scientists even doing?? why can't they invent such a thing?? i know probably some things like this exist but it's not exactly what we need!!

YOURE SO RIGHT WHAT ARE SCIENTISTS DOING T_T🤬🤬🤬👎👎👎😡😡😡😡😡

'my ears T_T' god bless your ears... and thanks for explaining all these music words!! hfjsjs guess soon i'll be able to understand these people who attended music school (dk if it's truly what they call it)

AHHAHHAHH yeah soon you'll know everything i know about music HAHAHAH to be fair, i go to music school and T_T sometimes i have absolutely no idea what people are talking about

i've got results of that academic competition, btw. as i've said, i'd done really bad. but i'm 14th! the meme is NO ONE got even more than a half... like no one has even 50 when the max is 100. even the winner... we're all so silly and it makes me feel better.

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH see the test was stupid /: but not you youre so smart [hugs] what a rat test AHAHAHA

'good night my love!' it's almost every time night. so thanks!! good morning to you, hottie-cutie!!! have a nice day! praying for you!!

praying for you <3 idk what time it is there so good morning/afternoon/evening <3

pretending that i'm scared by your threat (will you do anything to your cat?? meow meow).

IM OFFENDED THAT YOURE NOT 😡😡😡😡😡👎👎👎👎👎🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬👿👿👿👿👿👹👹👹👹👹👹👺👺👺👺👺🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 I WILL STOMP YOU YOURE NOT ACTUALLY A CAT ALSO YOURE TALLER THAN ME GRRRR TACKLE WRESTLE SLAM DUNK

hope i'll get better soon too. love you!! take care <з

#anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

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fraener · 1 year

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1/19/23

what to say first....cried a lot about my grandmother. some part of me hasn’t caught up to the fact that she didn’t die that winter she told me she was sick. i was thinking about her mother’s coat. i miss her so much, i miss sleeping in her house and hearing her speaking quietly in the morning through the wall or downstairs. i am feeling rather low lately. my life is very empty. her advice is to always be moving, always be doing something new. but even in the hours on hours i lose in the studio thoughts find me. reina talks about me and hans nearly nonstop through the school days always just a few feet away from me. i can tell shes afraid to get grouped with me for activities or anything like that. she makes a large display of pretending im not there. i had two dreams where she made up with me and we were closer than ever, and then one where she was cursing me and i could hear her speaking the spell aloud. el is still in nz, shes not getting back till mid february at the soonest. a moment ago i saw a picture of simon and almost cried. i miss him so much. my heart is still broken from that. that, over and over, that forever. i havent been talking to o. even though im so lonely and isolated and tired i hardly have time for anything but school anyways. i often wonder what i am bringing with me from this part of my life. what will i leave with? what skills, friends, lovers? what belongings? i wish i could see ahead and know what i would discern later as the important parts and the unimportant parts. my heart feels terribly weak these days. aching, washed out. is there anything now that will mend me? i miss gardening. i love hans but its different to how i love simon. i feel like hans is a wonderful beautiful companion on a similar path to mine, i feel like he understands and can hold so much more of me than anyone. ive been able to explore so much because of him. everything feels temporary these days. the only deeprooted constants are far and hard to find under the mud of eclipsing moments...im tired of writing about interpersonal relationships/other people in my journal. today i ate lunch behind the campus police precinct. i pulled handles that were good enough off of the bc6 which is a much easier clay to work with in general than the recycled stuff. i threw 8 times with the same hunk of recycled clay. i threw two halves of a vessel with the bc6 as a test for size, both just under 3lbs of clay. the fog was creeping around when i left for school this morning and i was in a bad mood. the moss is rich and reaching. had a hard time deciding what to eat for breakfast so i had a banana with nutella because the milk claims to be off. been having heart palpitations and i read a quick poem i wrote in class. my legs got very sore from throwing today, way more than anything else. also my left pointer finger, first joint, outside edge of right hand, right bicep, and dear god my knees. especially the foot i keep on the pedal, im straining so hard to keep still when i pull the clay up that its causing a weird torque in my shin. i made a whistle last night that works from looking at the mouthpart of a different whistle. i wish we had more time for these projects, theres so much i want to make and work on for a long time and see through slowly. i want to do an ilc with evan some time, maybe next quarter ill be able to plan my own project and work through it quietly and at my own pace. i hope by then my relationship to the studio will be less strained. i almost want to start wearing headphones in there but i use the sound of the wheel to know the right speed to be at so its a tough decision. theres a lot i need to disengage with right now so i can have the space to breathe and practice the activities that are fulfilling to me

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thoughts-and-all-that · 1 year

Text

i want to rip out your flesh i want to tear off your skin i want to grind your teeth to dust and turn them into diamonds that i shove up your nostrils directly into your brain i want to tear your toenails off in the way that they pull your skin all the way up to your eyeballs i want to slice open your eyeballs and let maggots grow inside of them i want to put you in the middle of water turning lava into obsidian so you get trapped inside the obsidian and it slices you into confetti i want to flatten you under a house and let your oozing blood stain the wooden planks red i want you to feel every inch and second of my pain ive felt my entire life all at once so youre in agony for the rest of your life cause your life will end the instant after as the overwhelming sensation of actual suffering compared to your sheltered shitty little life bursts through your veins and skin

i want you to experience every millions, billions of lifetimes of everyone you wish harm upon in the way you wish harm upon them in slow, agonizing detail. i want you to feel their lives. i want you to know what its like to be someone other than your useless self and then have that life ripped away in the most painful, horrible, leaat deserving way possible. you wont even remember you were someone else beforehand till it was too late and you were forced to confront everything you are in a way that cant be taken back even when the universe implodes on itself.

i want you to suffer. i suffer. i suffer no matter what i do to stop suffering. but you. i want you to suffer. i try not to be that kind of person cause i at least pretend im partially a good person somewhere somehow but you dont even try to pretend to be good, and people like you shouldnt be allowed to exist.

you said something to me that i hope leaves you rotting soon, soon, and it made me feel a pain that is indescribable and something you will never feel, but in a hilarious way, it makes me feel better about myself, opposite your intentions.

there are many ways im not a good person. there are many things ive done that make my brain feel its being eaten apart by termites to think about, but at least i try to be good. i try to be better. i care about people despite people barely caring about me. i try and i try and i try.

youve never been anything more than a piece of fleas shit. nothing to try to be better because you were created unable, it seems like.

it was funny poking at you like you were a worm, which you are, until you tried to bite.

poor thing bit, but blood reveals more than itself i guess.

this is incomprehensible as most things i say are. im tired. im upset. ive had a bad day of people being fucking pricks and more. ive done nothing to these people to deserve this torture, i didnt even know them before they tortured me.

im so sick of the life i live. i cant wait for it to change.

#if i call this creative writing is it less awful or suspicious #the context is a nazi harassed me. directly. and yes a literal nazi. said the type of shit they say.#not to mention some people earlier were being fucking assholes for no reason as well. they still havent replied back to me either #about what the deal is we were doing.#this feels better though. saying all this. im glad i have this basically invisible blog.#somewhere to say what i can never say elsewhere.#...if a sideblog gets deactivated it wont affect the main blog. will it?

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iwadori · 3 years

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So I'm reading your works and I love them !! I was thinking of requesting some kind of drabble or whatever you like, about a female reader who has thick thighs and is somewhat plump and is in love with Tsukishima but he makes a comment about the food and she feels bad and when she meets Bokuto in the boot camp Bokuto is too cute and attentive to her asking for her number and a date. If you don't feel comfortable with this, just ignore it and good luck with your blog. Sorry my english is bad<3

When they make you insecure PT 5 (tsukishima,bokuto)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part 6

Word Count: 2.6K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

masterlist

Tsukishima

You and Tsukishima have been dating in your first year (as you both went to the same middle school together.)

You were in love with Tsukishima, you always have been to be honest, but once you became officially boyfriend and girlfriend your feelings amplified.

But recently, Tsukishima hasn’t been so nice.

“Y/N we’re going on another training camp at Nekoma” Hinata exclaimed running up to you, as you leaning against Tsukishima “and you get to come too this time!”

You recently became the new trainee manager as the third-year manager, Kikyoko, is going to graduate. Tsukishima acted as if you being around all the time in practice was the worst thing in the world, but Yamagucchi always assured you that ‘Tsukki’ was just joking.

“Oh well that’s fun...” you say entertaining Hinata’s excitement. You were kind of excited to go to the training camp too, as it was in Tokyo after all. You were always a big fan of volleyball as your dad used to play for the national team and you were planning to play on the girls team this year but you felt that you didn’t have the body for it (which was obviously not true.)

Hinata kept on rambling on before Tsukishima insulted him. “Gosh Kei, you don’t have to be so rude.” you complained, he slightly nudged you off of him and put on his headphones showing you that he was not in a good mood.

You let the rest of the practice continue, making notes of things and basically being Kiyoko’s shadow. As it ended, you waited outside for Tsukishima to walk home with you, but one of the guys told you he left 5 minutes ago. You knew there was no point of chasing after him so you just walked on your own, making you sigh in defeat.

Tsukishima was what you would describe as hot and cold. Some days he was fine a ‘perfect gentlemen’ but other days, days like this Tsukishima was just Tsukishima.

When you got home, you decided to watch matches of all the other schools just to get some insight. You were watching a Fukarodani V Nekoma match from a few years ago and something caught your eye, well someone did to be more specific. A beefy, bicolour haired boy who was hooting like an owl was mesmerizing to watch.

You saw that his name was Bokuto Koutarou which triggered your next actions, which were to internet stalk him. You learned that he was the captain of the team and the team’s ace and the 5th ace in the country which piqued your interest in the boy even more.

‘This is going to be an exciting training camp’ you think to yourself before going to sleep.

`Kiyoko gave you an itinerary of all the things you should bring, since you weren’t going to be joining in any of the matches you were reminded to bring things that would keep entertained.

You get to the bus at the crack of dawn, ready to be driven to Tokyo. Hinata and Kageyama were already arguing (let’s pretend that they didn’t have to do the retakes in the test) Tanaka and Nishinoya were being loud, and the rest of the members were already asleep. You wanted to sit next to Tsukishima but when you were about to sit down, he put his carryon bag in the seat next to him.

The bus ride was around 4-5 hours, and you spent your time reading and sleeping. Daichi got the loudmouths to calm down making the bus ride more tolerable. You suffered from slight motion sickness but you powered through.

When you arrived there, you saw all the other teams and their buses too. You felt a bit overwhelmed, seeing these tall boys just crowd around an entrance way. But too your surprise, noticing your slight anxiousness, Tsukishima grabbed your hand in a hand-hold.

The Nekoma coach, explained how the day would pan out and where each team would be residing for the week. There was a lot of commotion getting everyone settled, Hinata and Nishinoya were basically bouncing off of the wall commenting on all the people and the place and how they’re going to ‘crush the competition.’

You could tell that when the other teams were looking at Karasuno they were all staring at Kiyoko. Inquisitive about how there wasn’t only one girl manager but there was two. As you were walking your eyes locked with Bokuto Koutarou’s making yours widen, you blush and turn your head quickly.

What you didn’t know was, after your small interaction, Bokuto elbowed Akaashi and said “Akaaashi AKKAAASHI, did ya see that? did ya?” he was flying with happiness “That girl from Karasuno smiled at me. She’s really pretty.”

“I think she’s from Karasuno” Akaashi said “So maybe you’ll see her around”

Bokuto stared off in the direction you were walking in “Yeah, hopefully.”

The first day, everyone got settled in and then the teams went straight into games. There were two different gyms and today, in gym 1, you were watching Karasuno V Nekoma. (By the way I literally don’t remember the teams at the training camp besides Nekoma, Karasuno and Fukarodani.) The game was very back a point each team making point after point, you already knew of Nekoma’s captain, Kuroo Testurou and the setter Kenma, you’ve actually played games with Kenma online before so you were fairly acquainted with him already.

The games ended and it was now dinner time, the canteen was packed with all the boys rushing to line up for the food. You waited at the back of the line, not really caring about when you got your food. Suddenly, you felt a tap on your shoulder and you looked over to see Boktuo,

“Hi.” he said “I’m Bok-”

“Bokuto Koutarou!” You finished “I'm a big fan..” you cringed immediately at your excitement ‘pull it together Y/N’ you scold yourself.

“Oh well hi, I’m glad you know who I am” he said “and may I ask for your name?”

“Oh I’m Y/N L/N” you say with a slight blush “I'm the trainee manager from Karasuno.”

“Cool! Well I hope to see you aro-” he starts

“Y/N, I’ve been looking all over for you, I already got your food for you.” Tsukishima said pulling at your arm a bit harshly, dragging you over to a table with the Karasuno team.

“Gosh Tsukki, no need to be so harsh” you say rubbing at your wrist, he didn’t apologize and just started eating his food.

You look down at your plate and see the small portion that Tsukki got for you. The Karasuno bunch was being loud, as they usually are, so when you whisper “Tsukki what the fuck is this” whilst nudging him in the side, he didn’t hear you (or atleast he pretended he didn’t.) You tried again but a little louder saying, “Tsukishima what the fuck is this.” you realised you said it a bit too loud as the whole Karasuno table stopped their conversations to look over at the slight commontion you caused.

“What do you mean Y/N?” he said with a slight smirk on his face.

“I mean what’s with the portion size of a bird that you gave me?” you ask getting upset “Do you really think im that big?”

“Well, you could start eating less that’s for sure.” he said earning gasps from you and some of the people sitting at the table “Y/N let's face it, you eat like a pig and you look like an elephant, me making your food portion smaller is the least I could do.”

By now you had tears in your eyes, Tsukishima was a dick. You knew this, everybody knew this to be honest, yet you still loved him. He wasn’t like this in middle school, yes he was a bit snarky and rude (but wasn’t every middle schooler?) High school Tsukishima was like a completely different person. As much as you wanted to run away and hide, you knew you couldn’t.

So you stood up and said “Tsukishima, I’ve spent 3 years loving and pining after you, because I thought you were this great guy, but turns out you’re a huge asshole” you start making some of the people listening in smile in laughter “Tsukishima, I’ve hated this past year dating you, you’ve been such a huge dick and I’m finally stopping you. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.” You start making your way to exit before finally saying “Oh and by the way I’m not the pig here, you are... oh and I’m breaking up with you.” You left, hearing a few laughs and some claps behind you.

You felt relieved, like the massive cloud that’s been over your head is finally gone. You went to the gym since you knew it was empty and picked up a ball to just throw it around a bit. After a while of ‘de-stressing,’ you hear someone else enter the gym.

“Oh I didn’t know you’d be here.” said Bokuto

“Well here I am,” you say awkwardly “I can leave if you want me too, I know this is for actual volleyball players.”

“No no it’s fine you can definitely stay, in fact do you mind setting for me?” he asks

“Sure, of course I don’t mind” you reply, excited you get to play with someone. You haven’t played in ages, you always begged Tsukishima to just throw a ball around with you but he never did.

You set to Boktuo a lot, with him always asking for ‘another one’ everytime he spiked the ball. Eventually, you were tired of setting and wanted to spike. You originally was a spiker to begin with taking after your dad. Thats why you took a liking to Bokuto in the first place cause he reminded you of the joys you had when watching your father play.

Bokuto set a ball to you and you spiked it with great strength and accuracy smiling at the burning feeling you felt in your palm.

“Woahh” Bokuto shouted going towards you in amazement “Where did you learn how to spike like that?”

“From my dad, I don’t know if you heard of him before but my dad’s name is D/N L/N...?” you say

“D/N L/N, Y/N he is my idol!” he shouted again “I want to be just like him.”

“I think you can, I see a lot of similarites in the way you both play.” you say

“Really! And you’ve seen me play before..?” he asks

“Yeah, I watched some of your games before coming here... you’re really good” you shyly admit.

“Wow.”

You and Bokuto spend the rest of your time, talking about volleyball you’re interests, things you have in common, your likes and dislikes. Talking to Bokuto was refreshing, he didn’t randomly insult you or make snide comments about your weight or your looks. He just genuinely looked happy to be there talking to you, unlike Tsukishima.

Seeing your change in mood, Bokuto stops talking and asks “are you alright? I forgot to ask earlier, but I saw what happened in the canteen and I hope you’re okay.”

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just things with me and Tsukishima reached a breaking point, I guess...” you say sniffling a bit talking about it “But it’s fine now I’ve broken up with him and I feel better already.”

“So you’re saying your single...?” he asked blushing a bit

“Yeah I guess I am...” you smile blushing also.

“Okay great...well I hope this isn’t too forward after everything happened with Tsukki and all but...” he starts “but would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Who me?” you ask as if you weren’t the only other person in the room

“No the volleyball” he responds sarcastically “Of course you Y/N.”

“Are you sure, cause to be honest Bokuto you’re a really good-looking guy” you say making him smile widely “so I think you need someone to match your level in attractiveness” you look down and his smile drops.

“What do you mean?” he asks before realising all the stuff Tsukishima said about you “Y/N you’re beautiful, your face, your body just you.” you blush at his words “when I first saw you when you were walking past us in the entrance way the first thing I thought and said about you was “Akaashi who is that girl she’s beautiful.””

“Really?” you ask with disbelief

“Mhm” he nods excitedly “So will you go on a date with me?”

“I guess so...” you say a bit unsure

“HEY HEY HEY!” he exclaims “I gotta go tell akaashi!” he runs out of the gym in a hurry making you laugh, but he comes back to give you a quick unexpected kiss on the cheek making you smile.

You checked your phone for the time realising that you’ve been with Bokuto for 3 hours and you knew that everyone would be going to sleep now. As you are the manager you slept seperately from the rest of the team but before you went to your sleeping quaters you went to Karasunos.

“Y/N where have you been? We’ve been worried about you.” asked yammagucchi

“It’s fine yams don’t worry about it, guys” you say catching everyones attention “I just wanted to apologise to you for my outburst at dinner, it wasn’t my intention to cause a scence.”

“It’s fine Y/N” said sugawara “He definitely deserved it.”

“Yeah as your marvellous senpai we gave him a good telling off” said Tanaka and Nishinoya making you chuckle.

“Okay well thanks guys, I’m going to sleep goodnight.”

“Wait Y/N can I speak with you.” asked Tsukishima gesturing to outside the room

“Umm sure” you respond following him into the corridor.

“I just want to say I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done over the past year and how I’ve been a terrible boyfriend, you don’t deserve that. So, I’m sorry.”

“I can’t say I can forgive you yet.” you say making Tsukishima look sad “but maybe with effort from you we can become friends possibly?”

“Just friends?” he said with hope in voice thinking that you could be something more.

“Just friends.” you repeated and confirmed “Besides I have been asked on a date”

“With who?”

“None of your business stingyshima” you mock the nickname that Hinata calls him making him scowl and you smile “Goodnight.”

After Bokuto’s confession and Tsukishima’s apology, the rest of the training camp went off without a hitch. In your breaks and lunchtimes, you got to know more about Bokuto and with Kuroo’s help you even got to sneak out to actually go on your date. You sometimes even went to practice with them getting to show off your skills, with Bokuto cheering you on and complimenting you every single time.

Tsukishima kept his distance for the most part, and kept the snarky comments about you and Bokuto to himself (even though he was dying to say them.) You eventually fully forgave Tsukishima in your 3rd year but you definitely weren’t as close as you used to be. Tsukishima’s comments and actions did affect you for a while however with the help of your loving boyfriend, you were reminded how beautiful you are no matter what weight, shape or height you were.

You and Bokuto stayed together, you made sure to come to every one of his games and when you introduced him to your dad he fainted on sight. Your dad and Bokuto got along, and became very close friends, Bokuto always came to him for advice (especially volleyball advice.) You loved Bokuto and he definitely loved you too.

AN: I hope you liked it, since I didn’t want to make it too similar too the Atsumu insecure one. And I feel like it dragged out a bit but got rushed in the endd....but oh well...

#haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyu scenarios #haikyuu fluff #haikyu #tsukishima angst #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima headcanons #bokuto scenarios #bokuto angst #bokuto x reader #signedwithane😌

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tinisprout · 3 years

Text

A Kiss to Remember

Pairing: Hyunjae x gn!Reader

Genre: Fluff, mutual pinning

Warnings: profanities like a lot, alcohol consumption, jokes of killing

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: After a kiss you spend a month of trying to figure out your own feeling you come to the conclusion that you like Hyunjae. You wonder how to deal with these feelings, especially when he doesn't feel that way about you, at least that's what you think.

a/n: Happy birthday Hyunjae Im a little late y'all don't mind that.

When you have been friends for so long is it better to just stay as such? Should I just bury these budding feelings before, it becomes something I can’t handle? I look at my hand, the one that casually reached out to him and had been reached out to by him many times before. It was only recently that holding him like that made my heart tickle. After today there is no denying my feelings, I like Hyunjae.

“So do I just cut them off or…,” I bite my lip struggling with a decision. How would I even go about stopping these feelings?! “Ugh, why does he suddenly have to be so appealing.” around a month ago after one of our nights out drinking, we somehow ended up making out. Sure we always lightly flirted with each other, but that’s just how we are, nothing was ever taken seriously like there was a line we knew that shouldn’t be crossed.

That night it was crossed, but I’m the only one that has any recollection of it happening. Hyunjae remembers nothing of that night and I’m left to deal with these complicated feelings. I didn’t tell him cause, whatever, it’s not like we have feelings for each other anyways. It’s just something that happened, I don’t have to make a big deal of it. That’s what I thought at first, then I noticed how my eyes started to linger on him.

For this past month, I’ve been trying to gauge these feelings for him, to say I like him after one measly kiss is too much. Now I know for sure, but what do I do now? How he acts towards me now is no different from how he’s always treated me, so it’s not like he looks at me in that way.

“No, this is not what I should be thinking about right now! I have to get ready, gotta go soon.”

Hyunjae’s birthday party is tonight, I can’t make today about me. I’ll just act like normal today, he’ll never know the difference.

***

Walking into the designated lounge room for Hyunjae’s party I was greeted by a few familiar faces and some unfamiliar. I was given a wave and nod by some of my friends before almost being knocked off my feet.

“Y/N! You’re finally here, I’ve been waiting for you!” Hyunjae throws himself into my arms giving me a tight squeeze. I freeze up and then remind myself that I should act naturally.

“And a hello to you too. Drunk already I see birthday boy,” I say tapping his back with one hand trying to not get too close. Jacob comes up offering a smile in greeting and I smile back.

“You need to control yourself,” Jacob says then pulling Hyunjae off me falling into his arms, and I thank him with a nod. Hyunjae struggles in Jacob’s hold wanting to break free, then Jacob whispers something in Hyunjae’s ears and he stops struggling, instead, slumping in his arms letting himself be dragged away back to his seat. Looking back to the rest of the table I see my best friend Sunwoo waving me over the free spot next to him. I take a seat and Sunwoo pulls me in giving me a side hug and I reciprocate, doing the same.

“So you want to tell me what that was all about?” He leans in whispering to me.

“What are you talking about?”

“Seriously? I saw the way you blushed like a schoolgirl that was told they are cute by their crush when Hyunjae hugged you.”

“No way!” In shock, I pull away from Sunwoo rubbing at my forehead. I pretend I don’t see the eyes of everyone else go to me at my outburst, and get closer to Sunwoo, whispering again. “Was I that obvious?”

“So you’re admitting that there was something going on there?” He gives a sly smirk and I realize I’ve been had.

“You’re the worst.”

“Yeah yeah, but why am I only hearing about this today?”

“Because I’ve only acknowledged it myself today.”

“Acknowledged it? Just how long have I been out of the loop and does that mean that the two of you are…?” He trailed off letting me fill in the blank.

“Nothing. This is all just one-sided, he should have no idea.”

“You’re fucking kidding me right?”

“What?” Sunwoo sighs at my words and wraps his arms around my shoulder again.

“I’m your bestie, right? I’m also Hyunjae’s friend, correct?”

“Yes, and?”

“Exactly. Now, look at Hyunjae. If anyone else was in my position with you, he would not be looking at us, like a sad frog, but glaring at the person in my place. You get it?” Hyunjae did have his stupid-looking frog face on display, but no, that probably cause he was reprimanded by Jacob.

“No, Hyunjae doesn’t see me like that.”

“Sure maybe at the start of your friendship he didn’t, but the way I see it is, there is a -2% chance that he doesn’t see you that way.”

“And the way I see it is that I shouldn’t even be thinking about this tonight. I just want to get through tonight without a problem, have some fun. I can figure out everything else later.”

"Okay, whatever. My friends are a bunch of oblivious morons." He mumbles the last part knowing damn well I can still hear him.

"Say that again mother fucker. I'll kill you.” I playfully shove Sunwoo and he pretends to be hurt.

“Yo chill!” The both of us laugh out loud and then there is the slamming of shot glasses by the two of us. I turn to see it was Hyunjae, he looks at me with a pout but doesn’t say anything.

“There is a drinking rule. Every time someone joins the party we gotta take a shot,” Jacob explains in Hyunjae’s place.

“Oh, so that’s why he is already smashed.” There was still a deal more empty seats left… is Hyunjae going to survive tonight? Everyone pours themselves a drink, the ones that got here were first looking a little sick while the rest of us were fine, we all down the drinks. The night continues with good vibes, till the last guest arrives with a plus one. Both are unfamiliar faces to me.

“Sorry I’m late, Hyunjae. Also thanks for letting me bring my sister, she really wanted to meet my friends.” The man and his sister wish Hyunjae a happy birthday and take the only seats left available which just so happened to be next to the birthday man himself. With the arrival of two new guests, everyone takes the mandatory shot. I could feel a little more than a buzz, but overall still fine.

The conversation was flowing as normal as everyone was having a good time. A few more drinks in when everyone was a little drunker, open, and comfortable things got a little more handsy. Whatever that’s what people do when they’re drunk, but I couldn’t notice just how handsy that new girl was getting with Hyunjae.

“Good lord, Y/N. Are you trying to kill her with your eyes?” Snapping out of it, I look to sunwoo how was laughing his ass off.

“I might be,” getting mad at myself for the silly words, I rub roughly at my forehead. “So stupid. I don’t have any right to be mad. He isn’t my boyfriend or anything.” The girl tries to casually grab for Hyunjae’s hand and I quickly look up groaning, “That should be me.”

“Damn, you’re down bad.”

“You’re right!” I pour myself another drink, downing it as fast as I can. “I hope I get so shwasted that I forget everything!”

“I take no responsibility for whatever happens tonight, but hell yeah!” Sunwoo takes another shot. The night continues smoothly and everything is jovial except for every time I see her take an advance toward Hyunjae. The party started to slow down and eventually, everyone came to the decision that they could handle no more, so that party came to an end after a few good hours of drinking. After everyone except Hyunjae split the bill, one by one the people started leaving the lounge.

“Jacob I require your assistance home!” Sunwoo shouts to his friend and neighbor. Jacob nods, ready to leave, getting drunk was never his favorite thing. Sunwoo gets up slinging his arm around Jacob for support, and the two boys say goodbye to their friends. “Get home safe loser and get some dick while you’re at it.”

“Fuck off!” Sunwoo laughs as he walks away with Jacob. Only me, the brother-sister pair, and Hyunjae were left. I sure as hell wasn’t about to leave while they were still here, I want to hang out more. The brother as if hearing my wish says it’s time they head home.

The two get up to leave and the girl looks visibly sad while I do a little dance in my head. I walk up to Hyunjae and he looks at me then stands up like he was waiting for me. When I hear them walk out the door I can feel a smile grow on my face. Finally, no more people.

“Ready to go back home?” I ask him.

“You’re going to walk me back? How romantic.”

“We live one apartment building away from each other, stop being dramatic.”

“But still I’m ha-” my eye dart towards the sound of the lounge room door opening and see the familiar girl closing the door behind her. I cover Hyunjae’s mouth with my hand while I use my other one, taking the back of his neck and pulling him closer to me. Our lips only separated by my hand. Surely it looked like we were kissing right now, Hyunjae’s body should cover up the fact that we aren’t. Just let your mind fill in the blanks girl.

A few seconds after I can hear the sound of the door opening and closing again and a high-pitched, “I’m sorry.” from the girl. I’m sorry too… actually no I’m not. I pull away from Hyunjae and he looks stunned.

“Did we just kiss?”

“No, we didn’t. You kiss my hand.”

“Oh.” My eyes were certainly deceiving me cause it looked like he was a little disappointed by my answer.

“Well, let go.” He hums in response and we walk out of the establishment. Suddenly he wraps his arm around me. This isn’t much of a surprise since he was a clingy drunk. The walk was quiet, which was unusual for Hyunjae, maybe he is tired

“Where is my present?”

“You realize that your present was the party bill, right? Do you know just how much you drank compared to everyone else? That shit wasn’t cheap.”

“Hehe, yeah that’s why I drank so much. You know as a broke college student free drinks taste a lot better than anything you pay for!”

“As a broke college student, you would know after that I wouldn’t be able to afford a normal present, so don’t complain.”

“Who said you had to buy the present? Even something small, as long as it’s from you.”

“Why are you like this?” This is really the man I’ve come to like. “Fine, I will do any one thing for you.” He is quiet for a while.

“Two.”

“One.”

“Two!”

“Okay, fine two!” he is silent again.

“Really anything?”

“Anything within reason. If you have a body hidden in your closet right now, I would go help you bury it.”

“Then… can I be your boyfriend for a day. If not then just for the rest of the day or just an hour...” I’m so dumbfounded by his words that I stop walking.

“Do you even know what you’re saying?” He pulls away from me.

“Is that a no then?”

“I… Hyunjae, do you… like me?” He nods. “As a friend?”

“Yes, but more than that. I want to hold you all the time, kiss, and more.” He brings his hand up to his face trying to hide his embarrassment. It did nothing to hide how red his ears became.

“I like you too.” Hyunjae perked up at my words. Now I was feeling embarrassed.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll accept your request.” He hugs me again as he did back at the party.

“Then my other request, can we go back to my place?”

“Are we going to do the “and more” stuff you were talking about?” He thinks for a moment and then goes red in the face.

“No! It’s too soon and I’m way too shit-faced right now anyway. I just want to hold you.”

“Good answer.”

***

In the apartment I was oh so familiar with, I lay in Hyunjae’s bed with his arms wrapped around me. My heart was pounding at first but I soon calmed, getting used to the new situation. The lights were off and we were ready to sleep. It was peaceful, but I had this one lingering question and worry in my head.

“Hyunjae?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you remember this in the morning?”

“Of course why would I forget?”

“Because you forgot that we kissed already.” Shocked by my words he shot up in his spot.

“We what?!”

“It was like a month ago. It’s whatever since you don’t remember.”

“...I’m sorry… was I good?”

“Shut up.” I pinch his side and he yelps.

“Okay jeez, I’m just joking. But is that when you started to like me?”

“Not exactly, but it did all develop from then. Why?”

“I’ve liked you for a long time and have been trying for almost a year to get you to notice me in that way. I didn’t expect you to say you liked me back, so I wanted to know when it changed. Ah, I’m glad I never gave up.” He laid back down, hugging me close again.

“Alright don’t kill me now,” he loosens his grip on me in response.

“Can I kiss you again? I promise I won’t forget this time.”

“Hmm, I think you’re fresh out of requests.” He pouts, which is just the look I wanted to see from him.

“I’m messing with you, but just a little bit. If you really remember when you wake up them I’ll let you kiss me more, as my real boyfriend.”

“I’m going to remember and then I’m going to kiss you so much you’ll get sick of my affection!”

“Uh-huh, let’s just see if you can keep your word.” We both lean into each other and kiss, soft and passionate.

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jae-daddy · 3 years

Text

Blind

jaebum!dickhead

masterlist

pairing: jaebum x reader genre: angst plot: you overhear your boyfriend Jaebum and his friends talking rudely about you. a/n: this was written a long time ago lol. I thought I’d post it instead of deleting it. not edited. hope y’all like it

“Dude, I can’t believe she followed you here,” you heard Yugyeom, as you neared the pool table the boys were surrounding.

Your eyes easily found Jaebum, as he leaned forward to take a shot. His black leather jacket stretching over his broad shoulders, his hair styled in a perfectly messy way. Even with his back towards you, you still felt butterflies flutter in your tummy as you thought of the way he looked tonight.

You thought back to the car ride. His hand on your thigh, inching higher until it slipped under your short skirt. He loved it when you wore short skirts and tight tops. It drove him crazy, he could never keep his hands off you.

Just as he had struggled to keep himself from parking his car at some random place and fuck you before you reached the party. You remember his throaty growl as he ripped his hand away from tracing your panty and to the steering wheel.

His jaw tight as his clenched the wheel, his knuckles turning white.

“I won’t be able to stop if I start baby,” he looked over at you, his eyes dark and filled with promise. You wanted him to do it, you didn’t care about this party.

But Jaebum did.

It was his friend’s party, and as a part of the popular kids troupe, he needed to show up.

“She didn’t follow him, she just misunderstood,” Youngjae clarified, his voice teasing. “Right, Jaebum?”

You stopped in your tracks, feeling your stomach drop.

“You really need to learn to draw boundaries with her bro,” Jackson told Jaebum as he missed a shot. You saw Jaebum grimace at the missed shot, before looking up to meet Jackson’s eyes. When he didn’t say anything, Jackson sighed, “She can’t keep following you-”

“Y/n is not following me,” Jaebum cut him off. You let go of the breath you were holding in, the tight line your lips were drawn into relaxed slightly.

“Was she invited?” Nate asked, shooting Jaebum a knowing smirk.

“No,” Jaebum sighed.

“Did you invite her?”

“Well, no.”

You felt like you were about to vomit.

“Y/n is always clinging to your side,” Nick told him, before taking a sip of his beer. “You are never free to do anything. You are always with her, it’s like y’all are in a relationship.

“If you were hitting that, then I’d support you, bro,” Yugyeom mumbled, shrugging.

“Yeah right,” Nate snorted. “like anyone would hit that.”

You watched Jaebum, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t. He just stared at Nate, with a grimace barely noticable.

“Dude, be honest,” Nate smiled at Jaebum, “would you hit that?”

When Jaebum didn’t reply, Nate’s smile grew bigger, “Has she tried hooking up with you?”

You felt sick.

Your mind instantly went to that night when you had kissed Jaebum. The night that had started it all. You were at a party just like this, and somehow you both ended up in the same bedroom hiding away.

You were waiting for your friend to finish hooking up and were tired to creeps so you hid the room. Jaebum stumbled in a few minutes later.

You were scared at first, thinking it was a drunk boy. You were terrified because the music was so loud you weren’t sure if anyone would be able to hear you if you had screamed for help.

But your panic turned into interest as you saw the staggering figure straighten as they closed the door. You watched Jaebum fall onto the bed and let out an exhausted sigh. You saw him pull out his phone, dialling someone as he pinched his nose, “Hello, 911?”

Jaebum wouldn’t let you out of his sight after he spotted you. You knew too much. You had the power to ruin his popularity. So you ended up spending the whole night with Jaebum, talking about random things.

By the end of the night, you realised there was more to him then the superficial bad boy act he puts up. You couldn’t help yourself but kiss him before you had to leave.

it felt like a final goodbye. You knew that after that night ended, you would never get the chance again. So you took the chance, you kissed him.

And, he kissed you back.

He had pulled you in, bringing you to his lap. He had stopped you two before things got too heated. And then, he snuck into your bedroom for more late night conversations.

Jaebum had asked you to be his girlfriend a month ago. A month had passed and no one knew that you and Jaebum were together. People thought it was a unlikely pair, but it was friendship at most.

“No way!” Yugyeom gasped, “For real? What happened?”

Jaebum just shook his head. You could see the smug smile on his face, and it hurt your heart.

Just an hour ago, he was holding back from railing you in the backseat of his car.

You snapped out of your thoughts as you watched Jaebum move around the table. You watched his face as he spoke.

“I told her I was coming here tonight, and she kind of just tagged along,” Jaebum sighed, ignoring the comments. He scratched the back of his head nervously, as he studied the guys staring at him. The other boys looked at him with knowing looks as they shook their heads. “I know I should’ve clarified, but I feel bad for her.”

You were actually going to be sick. You dug your nails into your palms, biting your lip tightly to stop yourself from crying in the middle of the party. You knew you should walk away, but you wanted to hear it. Even as it hurt your heart.

Even if it felt like Jaebum sunk his claws into your chest and wrenched your heart out. You wanted to hear what your boyfriend had to say about you.

There was Im Jaebum, your boy friend, standing in a group with his friends, talking about how he felt bad for you.

You felt your heart sink, and your stomach churn, as you heard him continue.

“She's been through a lot. None of her friends talk to her anymore, I can’t just tell her to buzz off,” Jaebum explained, his voice coated with desperation wanting his friends to understand, to agree with his justification. “And it’s not too bad. She’s here doing her thing, and I’m doing mine.”

“Bro,” Yugyeom gave him a dry look, snorting at Jaebum, “how can you be doing your thing when you can’t even hook up with other girls because you have to take her home?”

“I don’t need to-”

“Sara is here,” Youngjae smirked at Jaebum. You saw Jaebum freeze at her name. He had said her name a few times to you before, “She asked about you.”

“Bro!” Yugyeom gaped at Jaebum who still hadn’t found it in himself to start moving again. “Sara!”

Finally, Jaebum leaned against the table. His hands grabbing the edge, as his shoulders fell with his head as he sighed, “Fuck.”

“You could be hooking up with Sara but you’re stuck babysitting,” Youngjae laughed.

“Hey, but she looked kind of all right tonight,” Nate shrugged. “That little crop top of hers really shows those,” he held up his hands in front of him gesturing to your boobs. “I mean, I would pity fuck that. Give her the gift of knowing a good time.”

Your feet began moving backwards as you started moving away from the group. You couldn’t hear anymore. You can’t stand there and watch as your boyfriend acted like you didn’t matter to him. You can’t stand there, listen and pretend that what they said didn’t hurt you, that it didn’t hurt you that Im Jaebum might have never loved you at all.

You bumped into someone, and you turned around apologising.

You didn’t want to hear what else they had to say. You didn’t want to see how else Jaebum would let them talk about you. You didn’t want to find out how Jaebum thought of you.

“Shit, sorry,” you whispered, your voice shaking. You lifted your gaze to find soft brown ones looking at you with sympathy. His hands gently rested on your shoulders as he steadied your stumbling feet.

“It’s okay,” Mark said, softly. He was part of their group. If he wasn’t behind you, he would probably be standing next to Jackson, laughing along with them. You didn’t want his sympathy.

You didn’t want anything from him.

Your eyes began burning as his eyes drifted behind to the group of boys laughing, before settling back on you.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked. You brushed his hands off your shoulders and took a step back.

You didn’t meet his eyes as you nodded, unable to speak.

You walked around him, and headed straight for the door. You didn't look back at Jaebum or stop until you were outside the house.

Even then, you kept walking down the street, your feet picking up speed as you tried running away from the loud noises in your head.

You felt sick, you felt tired.

Your heart broke into a tiny million pieces as their words kept replying in your mind. But that’s not what broke you.

The thing that hurt you the most was Jaebum. He didn’t do anything, he didn’t say anything. He just let them, he laughed with them, he agreed with them.

You stopped when your lungs started to burn, and you couldn't go any further.

You called for an Uber and waited on the side of the road. You stared at your phone, waiting for Jaebum to notice you were missing.

You wanted him to text you, to call you. You wanted him worry about you, to show any proof that he did like you back. Even a silver of how much you loved him, you wanted even the slightest of his love back.

It was all you needed to help you stay together and not fall apart.

You stared at the screen as the Uber pulled up. You stared at it all through the ride. You didn’t look up as you thanked the driver.

You locked the door as you entered your house. You stared at the phone, biting your lips.

You shouldn’t send him anything. He hadn’t even noticed.

But then, against your better judgement, you decided to send it, ‘I’m home.’

You changed and got into your bed, covering yourself with your blankets.

You didn’t shower. You were too tired to shower. You were too tired to do anything. You were too tired to even close your eyes and pretend to go to sleep.

You knew sleep wasn’t going to come easily tonight. Not when you kept on thinking about the smile on Jaebum’s face as he listened to his friends talk about you. Not when you remembered the way his shoulders and head slummed with defeat when he found out Sara had asked about him.

There was no way sleep was coming easy to you when all you wanted to do was cry.

You didn’t cry though.

You tried not to cry, you tried to hold back the tears, at first. But then, you couldn’t stop them. The tears silently rolled down your face, as you lay on your side.

You felt the pillow get wet, but you ignored it as you blankly stared at the wall instead. Your hands desperately clenched the blanket, as you tried to calm yourself down, before you began uncontrollably sobbing.

Jaebum’s reply came a few minutes later. ‘What?’

‘Are you alright?’

‘Are you sleeping?’

‘Should I come over?’

After five minutes, your phone rang.

You saw Jaebum’s name on the phone.

Your chest ached seeing his name on the phone. You wanted to pick it up.

But, you ignored it and turned the phone over as you slipped it under your pillow.

It rang again, and again. Three more times, before you picked it up.

“What the fuck?!” He gnarled into the phone, you could hear the wind rushing past him. It sounded like he was speeding somewhere.

You didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue.

“Are you okay? Why did you leave early?”

“I’m okay,” you rasped, your voice hurting your throat. “I don’t feel well. I’m going to sleep.”

“You sound horrible,” Jaebum replied softly, the panic in his voice subsiding. The softness in his voice made new tears escape down your face. You moved away from the phone and wiped your tears.“Do you want me to come over, babe?”

You hated it.

You hated how your heart trembled when he called your baby.

“No,” you rasped, your lower lip trembling as you held back a sob, “I just need to be alone.”

You sniffled your nose as you swallowed, your vision blurring.

Jaebum remained quiet for a moment, the wind rushing past slowing down now, “Okay, take care. Call me tomorrow, okay, babe?”

“Goodbye, Jaebum,” was all you said before ending the call.

You didn't hold it back anymore.

Your body curled into a ball, as it began shaking furiously as sobs raked through you.

Your hand clasped over your mouth as you sobbed into the dark night.

Your heart, broken and bleeding by the one boy you had trusted.

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fairycosmos · 2 years

Note

qnxiety is really never taken seriously the amount of times I've been literally breaking down and just been given a condescending eye roll and told to calm down. Like you don't think if I could i would??? Oh you seem anxious just relax!!!! Literally leaving my house or sitting in the driver's seat of a car feels me with never ending dread but thanks. It's treated like an immaturity thing and not like an actually illness and i hate it

ugh so trueeeee ever since i was a kid my anxiety has been minimized and brushed off like it isn't a literal mental disorder so i hear you completely. i think u really nailed it with the whole "treated like an immaturity thing not an actual illness" bit because that's exactly what it is. people would never say it in so many words but they get tired of being around someone who has frequent panic attacks and bursts of irrational thinking really fast. and it's much easier for them to just pretend you're overreacting/to just skim over the issue entirely and at the end of the day that's all they care about - their own convenience. plus anxiety is so normalized at this point that ppl literally just think ur feeling nervous and they dont get that ur in a completely heightened state of almost primal fear. i hate the looks i get when mine is bad TBH, it's like i can feel how sick of me everyone is, it just radiates off them. it's like you said, idk how they don't grasp that nobody would choose to live like this and it's simply not possible to just turn it off. feels like the world is ending all of the time so ofc ur going to have a reaction to that!!

i'm really sorry this has been ur experience with the ppl around you nd ur mental illness so far - having a good support system is such a key factor in learning to cope and it's not fair that they're all just dismissing you so thoughtlessly. you genuinely deserve so much better and i really hope ur able to find it, even if it takes a while to find those who really do get it. and i definitely do, so even though im prob miles away from u know that ur definitely not alone in feeling this way!! sending a big hug. x

#anon

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bratzkoo · 3 years

Text

delivery! (i)

credits to @monvante for making this beautiful banner (and divider!) Author: bratzkoo | navi Pairing: pizza delivery guy! jungkook x reader x seokjin Genre: fluff, comedy (i think?), semi-angst Rating: PG-15 Word count: 1.5k Warnings/note: underage drinking, obsession with pizza, swearing, there has been a huge misunderstanding with who the reader is in love with, seokjin is oblivious with the readers feelings, jungkook being the other half of the busan torture device, i made some changes with their ages, pls tell me if there’s more warning i need to put. it’s a highschool! au but there will be an eventual time skip. Summary: You planned a grand gesture to confess to your long time crush (or as you like to call him: “the love of my life”) and things turned out to be horrible on your part. One, you accidentally confessed to the wrong person. Two, he accepted your confession. Three, your crush accepted someone else’s confession! aka you confessed to your pizza delivery guy and now he thinks the both of you are dating. delivery! ii | requests are open | masterlist

“Hey, Chim.” You greeted your best friend and sat down next to him in the cafeteria. “Hello there--” Jimin stops when he sees how you look. “You look... how do I say this in the nicest way possible?” “Just say I look horrible, Chim.” You said as you put fries and chicken nuggets in your burger then taking a large bite, not caring if other people think it’s weird. “No, Y/N! You look, okay, you know what. You do look horrible, what happened to you?” Jimin held out his hand to feel your forehead, checking if you’re sick. “Stayed up all night planning my confession to Jin before he graduates and leaves me in this horrible hell hole with you.” “You’re my best friend in the whole wide world, too.” He sarcastically replies. “You think he’ll accept you if you confess to him looking like you got off from your role in the walking dead?” “Who’s confessing to who?” You smile when Sana--your recently new friend sits down in front of you. “Oh, Y/N is confessing to - mmh.” You shove fries in Jimin’s mouth to stop him from talking. He spits it out and glares at you. “You have someone you like, Y/N?” she asked. “Why didn’t I know that?” she puts her chin at the back of her hand, leaning in. “It’s Seokjin.” you said, you don’t notice how Sana stiffens and masks it with a bright smile. “That’s great, Y/N.” she says. She suddenly grabs your cheeks. “Why do you look so tired? You better get some rest.” “I will.” you say. she removes her hands to your face and starts to eat. “You’re too nice, Sana. I called her a zombie when I saw her.” Jimin says. “I personally th--” You shove chicken nuggets on his mouth to shut him up once again, instead of spitting it out he happily chewed it. You scan the whole cafeteria to check if he’s around, you know the love of your life Kim Seokjin. It’s easy to find him because he’s in the middle of everything, like the star that he is. His friends are bickering while he silently eats. He has always been calm when in public and prefers to let loose only with people that he’s comfortable with. Seokjin is your senior who has been your friend for a while now, he became close with you because of a competition the two of you joined for the school. You have grown close enough for you to have grown feelings for him. Seokjin suddenly met your eye, catching you staring at him (or ogling at him if you’re not Mr. Kim Oblivious Seokjin), he smiles and waves at you. You blush as you wave back. He tries to mouth something like “See you tonight.” You give him a thumbs up and then he goes back in eating his food. You sighed wondering why you fell in love with this dense guy in the first place. If he wasn’t even oblivious with your massive crush on him, you wouldn’t even plan this confession anyways. You stayed up all night preparing for this day to be perfect and you’ll be damned if your confession didn’t go as your plan. The confession will happen tonight. You hope he says yes and you don’t have to proceed to “plan: he doesn’t like me back” which is just eat 8 pints of ice cream while watching 27 dresses. Nevertheless, you hope for the best.

What you didn’t hope was Seokjin cancelling your plans. You asked him to call you if he’s on his way and you did receive a call, except he calls to tell you he couldn’t make it. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I can’t make pizza night, my friend has an emergency.” He says over the phone. You began to feel down, you wished you pretend you had an emergency too so he would just come in but you felt guilty for his friend who probably is hurt. “I understand, you go do your thing.” You say. “I’m truly sorry, I’ll make it up to you. Bye.” He drops the call in a hurry. Now you’re in an empty house (courtesy of your parents leaving you to go visit your sister studying in Europe) filled with decorations. You hold onto your phone and call Pizzeria’s Haven-- the only pizza place you trust-- to order 2 cheese supreme so you can mope in peace while stuffing yourself later. You grab your mom’s margarita on the fridge and began pouring out for yourself in a mug, your mom didn’t mind because “As long as you do it in the house, you’re drinking responsibly, you promise not to vomit on the carpet, and most importantly not telling your dad that the bottles labeled ‘herbal supplement’ are margarita in disguise... you can drink to your heart’s content.” You take a sip from the mug as you skim through your netflix account to find Catching Fire, a movie that will make you feel better every time you see shirtless Finnick Odair. Your pizza arrives and you open the door to find Jungkook holding 2 boxes of pizza with a smile on his face. “Delivery!” He greets when he sees your face. “Y/N!” “Hey, Jungkook!” You greet back and grab the pizza he’s holding and give him the money- with an extra for his tip. “Want to stay and eat this with me?” You guess you were too lonely and kinda tipsy that you impulsively ask if he wants to stay to eat pizza with you. Jungkook grows flustered, “I- I can’t, I have to take calls and deliver pizza.” He declines, you raise your eyebrow. “What bullshit did Jimin say to get off work today?” You ask, knowing your friend tends to leave Jungkook to work by himself during weekend night shift. If he’s not the son of the owner he’s long fired from his job by now. “He’s actually busy serving dine-in customers, hectic night. I really gotta run.” He explains as he walks towards his motorcycle. “Good luck on that!” You say as you close your door. You put the pizza boxes on top of the coffee table, opening it to grab three slices then putting them together before you take a bite. You planned everything to be perfect and it turn out this way. You might as well go crazy, get drunk, and purge yourself with pizza.

You woke up with a very bad headache the following day, you apparently passed out in your living room with the empty bottle of your mom’s ‘herbal supplement’ laying on the floor with you. You checked your phone for the time but saw skeptic messages from an unknown number and from Jimin. Unknown number [2:00 am]: Y/N it’s me [2:02 am]: It’s yes... [2:03 am]: I’ll come see you at 2 pm Chimmy boy [2:10 am]: yow bitch, you’re dating jeon jungkook?! i thought you’re confessing to seokjin? [2:11 am]: you got some explaining to do What the hell? You groggily unlocked your phone to reply to Jimin and ignored the messages from the unknown number... for now. Y/N [11:12 am]: jwu what r u talking about? explain in detail, im vv hangover Chimmy boy [11:20 am]: bitch you’ve been drinking without me, how dare you. Y/N [11:23 am]: ugh shut up, come over so we can talk Chimmy boy [11:27 am]: i’ll come tonight, want to sleep more You drop your phone to the sofa and start to clean off your mess from last night when few of the memories did came back to you. “Hey, you. I like you...Fuck...I like you so much.” “I invited you and If you could have seen the effort I made! I mean, I know you were busy but you could’ve gone here after you’re done?” “Instead of a grand gesture sort of confession, I’m confessing to you on the phone! On the phone!” “You have my number... you can tell me your answer by then. Just say yes or no, I’ll be waiting.” Oh no, you confess to Seokjin when you were drunk. You regret not hiding your phone away from your stupid drunk self but it seems as he said yes. So what’s with Jimin telling me I’m dating Jungkook? Seokjin said yes and he’s coming to your house at 2 pm. You scream in excitement and run towards your closet to find something cute when you open the door for him later. You could use a shower too, it feels like you sweated the alcohol you consumed last night. By the time it was 2:03 pm someone rang the doorbell, you shake in nervousness when you open the door that reveals Jungkook smiling and holding flowers. Your eyebrows furrow seeing him. He hands you the bouquet of flowers and cheerfully say, “Delivery!”

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