#in all honesty i would never read a post this long so feel free to skip

[silviakundera]

Kinnporsche Fanfic Recs

In celebration of the 2 year anniversary, here is an avalanche of Kinn/Porsche fics that I've enjoyed. Painfully incomplete & posted in no particular order. My shipping interests are 100% focused on the K/P couple and that will be reflected in my list, sorry 😘.

Deep Like a Coastal Shelf by Lilla_Torg

(79,000 words) Green Arrow inspired AU. "After five years abroad, Kinn Theerapanyakul returns to find his city under siege by a vigilante known as the Phoenix."

Stain of Sun by Lilla_Torg

(78,000 words) Omega brothers Porsche (hacker) and Chay (grifter) team up to take down the Theerapanyakul crime family. Things do not go as planned. // This marries A/B/O with mutant powers. As long as you're not wholly opposed to Omegaverse, give it a chance. Every one of this author's long KPtS fics is a banger.

Pouring Down Crimson Fire by Lilla_Torg

(119,000 words) Sort of a mutant AU but honestly that underplays how fucking cool this fic is. “I think you know something about keeping secrets,” said Kinn. He flashed Porsche a pocket-ace smirk. “You’re mine. Say it.”

The boy he’d been fourteen years ago would have told him where to shove it. But Porsche had been around long enough to know that the mafia always won. Still, he looked around, searching for a way out, before giving up and turning back to Kinn, those black eyes awaiting his surrender.

“I’m yours,” he said.

a perpetual unscattering by concernedlily

(31,000 words) Canon-divergence AU. “Pissing in bottles behind a cocktail bar,” Kinn said. “But Pa gave him to me, so I’m stuck with him.” To a visibly furious Porsche he said, “You don’t know the minor family? Never come across any of them before?”

“How would I know the fucking minor family?” Porsche snapped.

what a tangled web we weave by fortunehasgivenup

(80,000 words) 1000 Nights inspired alternate universe, fantasy-historical Thailand. // After the betrayal of his first husband, King Anakinn Theerapanyakul vows to never love again. Once a week, he takes a new husband, a young man who will not live to see another dawn.

When a nobleman comes to find a young man to adopt and marry off to the king in place of his own son, Thee chooses Chay.

Faced with an outcome that he refuses to contemplate, Porsche steps in and takes Chay's place. He only has one request for the king - to be allowed to tell his brother one last bedtime story.

Burn Your Name Into My Skin by Everyforkedroad

(72,000 words) In which Kinn visits a high-end sex club and he & Porsche meet under the guise of anonymity for what should be a 1 night encounter. Except not only are they intensely drawn together... things are not what they seem.

Salt by ronandhermy

(49,000 words) Sweat stings because the salt is purifying. Porsche may be in high school but he is still a National Champion in Taekwondo and he catches the eye of the national team's newest sponsor: The Theerapanyakun Family. Alternate first meeting. Leans into the darkness of canon, read the tags and proceed w caution.

how do you like it, daddy by Baby_Droll

(28,000 words) "and ain't shit 'bout me cheap and ain't shit 'bout me free" - our lord and savior, florence millicent. kinn & porsche, and all the other pieces on their fucked up chess board. a sugar baby/daddy au with an omegaverse twist. // This is a dark reimagining alternate universe. Iconic toxic K/P fic.

two shots by Martynax

(81,000 words) AU, different first meeting. Porsche joined the armed forces & became a hired gun. // “So I’m supposed to end a mafia dispute?”

“Something like that,” he mutters, wondering if he’s making a mistake, revealing it to Porsche so soon. Nothing is set in stone, after all. But he has a gut feeling that the man appreciates honesty and simplicity much more than intrigue and schemes.

be the best you ever tasted by Martynax

(90,000 words) an AU where Porsche's life is shit so he shakes his perky little bum for strangers at a strip club and Kinn books him for a private show. Porsche doesn't fuck customers and shouldn't get associated with whatever grey business his boss is trying to run out of the club. But... you know how this is gonna go.

between the sheets by DasWarSchonKaputt

(70,000 words) “And who’s that?”

“Oh. That’s Porsche. He’s Khun Kinn’s live-in boytoy. He’s harmless, mostly. Just a pretty face.”

A boyfriend can go so many places a bodyguard can’t. As the threat of a potential leak in their security forces looms large, Khun Korn hatches a plot to place an added layer of protection around his heir presumptive. Enter Porsche, former bartender, current bodyguard, and reluctant fake boyfriend of Kinn Theerapanyakul.

Stumbling to the Edge by FireRisingOverTheHills

(51,000 words) Of the genre of KP fics where Kinn and Porsche meet-cute in a random bar encounter, instead of a meet-ugly, this one is my fav. I just really enjoy the Kinn PoV with his what?! is?! happening??? vibes as he finds himself irresistibly drawn to someone who doesn't fit neatly into defined roles.

"He makes this all seem like it’s perfectly normal and Kinn is helpless to do anything but go along with it."

Whatever Else that Touches You by technicallyverycowboy

(9,330 words) Tender established relationship and bisexual self discovery, post canon. // "No, it's fine." Porsche shifts to be a little less plastered against Kinn's side, straightens his shoulders and smooths out his jacket with great dignity. "The answer to your question is yes, I have really never been with any other men."  Porsche answers questions, asks some of his own, tries new things, and fills in the knowledge gaps of his own sexuality.

An Elegant Mechanism by Laughsalot3412

(87,000 words) A/B/O AU, Kim centric with some background K/P and dysfunctional brothers & cousin bonding. The only fic on this list that isn't K/P primary. //  "Kim was only an omega when he was luring people closer to his gun. No one had to give Kim a weapon. He was one.  (Kim's mission is to get close to Porchay Kittisawat. Chay is not a typical alpha. Kim is not a typical omega. Kim isn't having feelings and Chay is going to be so normal about all of this.)"

Love and Violence by thewayside

(9,500 words) Beautifully written, post ep 14. // "Love and violence have always been bedfellows for Kinn. Down to how his first proper relationship ended in a pool of blood. Porsche’s beauty might have drawn him in, but he knows in his gut that he met someone in kind that first night, blood coursing through their veins as the fight ended and Porsche led him onto a bike to a road he barely knew."

Burnished night, blood-soaked stars by The_Old_Astronomer

(13,000 words) Missing scene set between the end of episode 6 and the side story (pre-ep 7). Porsche fights to keep Kinn alive after the attack, and gradually realises how much the other man means to him.

Night Call by vesna (mrsronweasley)

(34,500 words) "On Kinn's birthday, Kinn is dragged by Tae and Time to a strip club, where he gets a private dance from a man who calls himself Jom. Kinn is smitten. Things spin out from there." Canon AU, where Porsche became a stripper because bartending wasn't paying enough.

NFWMB by vesna (mrsronweasley)

(18,700 words) There's a rushing in Kinn's ears, a noise he can't shake. It almost makes him miss the next thing Arm tells him. "He was supposed to check in, as per protocol, but—"  "But what," Kinn snaps. A headache is building behind one of his eyes.  Arm's eyes are wide right before he lowers them and says, "He hasn't been heard from in two and a half hours."  Or, post-canon Porsche is kidnapped. Kinn goes through it.

Caught Off Guard by Altered_Ego

(23,000 words) The one where Porsche is one of his escort's bodyguard. Alternate first meeting; Porsche took another path to support his brother.

the less i know the better by mslunita

(45,000 words) Bored Kinn joins Tinder in hopes of getting his rocks off with a different kind of guy, instead of the standard escorts. Porsche challenges him in just the right way. // Alternate first meeting. Basically their canon selves, but this is after Porsche has already had his bi awakening.

XXX curious STRAIGHT boy BEGS for COCK for the FIRST TIME XXX by mirrorofprinces

(35,000 words ) Porn industry AU. “Porsche is extremely close to signing. In fact, he has a final meeting with the execs on Monday morning. The only condition is that he wants to request his first partner, and it’s you.”  Kinn takes a long drink of his whiskey, sets the glass down, and runs his tongue over his teeth. “So you had to meet with me, urgently, to tell me that a beautiful boy wants me to fuck him, thinking I’d say no.” He drums his fingers on the bartop. “Which means there’s a catch.”

paint my kiss across your chest (your touch is like a happy pill) by darkknight

(16,000 words) Episode 8 era. "Porsche discovers different new ways of how good sex can feel, ways that would never even have crossed his mind before meeting Kinn."

quis custodiet ipsos custode by concernedlily

(8,600 words) Porsche being on dangerous missions and Kinn discovering he has Feelings About That. Missing scenes and Post Ep 14.

Wing of a Butterfly by Kalere

(320,000 words) Some years before the canon storyline, two young men have a random encounter at a bar. Their friendship changes everything. // The epic Porsche & Vegas friendship fic.

#kinnporsche #kpts #fic rec #there are tons more great KP fics #i am certain I left off at least a dozen #this fandom is blessed with its authors #please be inspired by this to publish your own recs

[legitalicat]

Out of Time

Chapter 3 - "Dinner and Dessert"

AN: Chapter 3 my loves! I hope you enjoy this one :) Also I'm sorry if this is bad I've only ever written smut like 2x before this. If you're looking for better smut, I always always always recommend @lovelykhaleesiii

If you love this header go check out zaldritzosrose for more amazing work! She is tagged on the series masterlist and on my welcome post!

If anyone is interested in me starting a tag list, please feel free to let me know!!

Find the series Master list here!

Summary: As the day comes to a close, she can only think of what has happened. With having less than a full day to understand the situation, her thoughts are all consuming. Her beloved twin, Jacaerys, shows he has only ever cared for her.

18+ every one

TW: SMUT SMUT SMUT!!!! P in V, Targcest (is it Targcest if their last names are Velaryon?), profanity, dirty talk, unprotected sex (please practice safe sex guys), Jace has a monster in his pants, Jace being kinda dom

Pairings: Jacaerys Velaryon x twin!Reader, mentions of Aemond Targaryen x Reader, mentions of Alys Rivers x Aemond Targaryen

Word count: 3.6 k

Aemond had accompanied me to the Dragon Pit, as was my original intention. And it was time well spent in all honesty. He spoke to me about the time that I was gone. Just as Mother said, he had gone around the entire realm to attempt to find me. Apparently, he had spent a long time in Harrenhal, the seat of my blood father’s family.

What I hadn’t expected, though, was him telling me of this woman he had met there named Alys Rivers. According to him he had grown fond of her and even attempted to be with her. He claimed it was to try to get over me, as all logic pointed to me being dead. I stopped listening.

When I was back in my chambers, with nothing to do but think as I waited for dinner, I could only sit in the window seat overlooking Blackwater Bay. My finding didn’t make sense to me.

If I were taken by pirates like seemed to be a popular theory, why was I not in Essos? I would probably fetch a fair price if they sold me into slavery. Or why had they not demanded ransom? As a princess of the realm, my identity was not a secret, even if I didn’t have the signature Targaryen hair. I had done as much as possible to help the citizens of King’s Landing. I had done a tour of the Seven Kingdoms to meet with several Lords and their sons to consider for marriage. There was not a time in which I was ever hidden away.

“Your brain is going to break if you continue to think so hard,” Jace said from beside me. My gaze snapped to him, trying to steady my heart from the shock. “It is just me, issa dāria.”

“Must you sneak in here like that?” I scolded him yet I was certain the only thing stern about me was my tone. I was too happy to see him to control the smile that crept onto my face.

He was carrying a tray with two plates piled high with food and two cups. He set it on a nearby table before coming back to stand by my side.

“I wanted to have time with you. We have not seen each other since the afternoon,” he explained to me.

He gave me a soft smile. Everything about him was soft. His hair laid in loose curls that bounced with every motion. His lips were plump, eyes round and a deep brown, and even his sharp jawline was offset by full cheeks. Hell, even down to what he wore was soft. A loose fitting, long sleeved white linen shirt with strings crossing over the space between his collarbones tucked into the waistband of his brown cotton pants. Unlike most, he didn’t often wear shoes around the castle unless he had to go before the council or maybe a formal dinner.

No matter how much I loved Aemond, Jace was a part of me. I loved him in nearly every way a person could. He and I were two pieces of the same soul. We could spend all day together and never need a break. He listened to me rant about every subject I ever read about, learned High Valyrian for me. He was good and kind and sweet.

“And the food?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I thought perhaps dinner with all of us at once may prove to be too much tonight, so you and I could eat in here. I’ve already spoken to Mother and told her,” he said.

I chuckled and stood from my seat. Without any hesitation, he took my hand in one of his hands and pulled me closer by my waist with the other. Standing here, chest to chest with him, the world felt quiet.

“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly. He was sure not to hold me too tightly.

“Physically I hurt,” I whispered. It was best if I were honest with him. “Otherwise, I’m just confused. None of it makes sense. And to think of missing five years with you causes an unbearable ache in my chest.”

He pressed his lips to my forehead. It was how he comforted me when he had no idea what to say. Always handling me with great care like it was his life’s mission. There was no amount of affection too small to him.

He said nothing else before helping me into a chair at the table. The silence felt nice if I were honest. With him, I didn’t feel like I had missed anything.

“Luke is happy you’re back,” he told me after he had sat down. “So is Joffrey. They missed you greatly.”

“I cannot wait to see them. As well as Little Aegon and Viserys. They all have grown so much,” I responded, tears welling up in my eyes.

My plate had a venison roast with potatoes and carrots. A simple meal but one of my favorites. Dragonstone had the largest deer I had seen which was an impressive feat considering how many dragons roamed free on the island. But with such an abundance of the meat, we had it frequently when we lived there.

“I love you,” he said. He spoke it in such a way nobody could question his sincerity. He had always been honest to a fault.

“I love you,” I said before taking a bite of food. It was perfect and heavenly.

“So then why did you go to Aemond? Why spend the afternoon without me?” His voice was pained and his lip quivered a little.

Did he not know that it was not that way? It wasn’t like I chose Aemond over Jacaerys. He had merely been the one to come to my room.

“My moon, I had been on my way to see Vhaela and he approached me. I did not go seek him out,” I nearly pleaded with him. I reached across the table to take his hand in mine and squeeze it.

“I am not oblivious to the fact you were with him in the year you spent here with grandsire. But you and I are meant to be husband and wife. Formally so, now,” he whispered. His eyes moved to look at his plate.

My heart ached at the thought of hurting him. He was everything to me. My best friend, the moon and stars in my night sky, my fire on a cold night. When I spoke of him being my other half, it was not an exaggeration. Without him there was no me.

Even so, I could not pretend that everything was fine and as it was before I woke on the beach. While I had been stuck in place, everyone around me continued to grow and thrive and change. Pretending they hadn’t was like ignoring the rain as it washes away the earth. I would be fine as long as it was raining and I could use the water to maneuver. But once the flood subsided, I would be stranded without knowing where I was.

“But should we be? It has been five years, Jacaerys. Hell, I wasn’t even with you for a year before I disappeared. What if the person you are now does not love the person I am?”

“I could give you everything you could ever wish for when I am King. I will give you every child your heart could desire, I will love you until my final breath. Why is that not enough?” he asked before looking back up at me. The way he said it made me question if he was more hurt or angry. “Or is this back to the ridiculous notion that since Aegon the Conqueror had two wives you could have two husbands?”

“I wish to know where my heart truly lies. I wish to know if I marry you it is purely for love and not anything to do with duty. Why can you not give me that?”

He was silent for a moment longer than I would have liked. Was it truly an unreasonable request? All I ever wanted was a life of love. I knew Jace would love me for as long as we lived, and I would love him. But if it weren’t an equal love, if it were a love that was weighed down by a sense of duty, where was the honor in that? How could I subject both of us to that?

“So you wish to replace me?” he asked me. He yanked his hand away from me as he pushed up from the table. “I can only assume with Aemond.”

“I am not replacing you!” I said firmly. “You are my twin, my other half, there is no replacing you.”

I quickly stood up too, trying to be on his level, to prove I was on his side. But it was too quickly and I cried out in pain. The Maesters figured it had only been a month at most since they were cracked. As such, they warned me of the potential for severe pain, making it difficult to move or breathe without risking it. At first I thought they were full of shit, but with my ribs feeling like they’re on fire and my breathing causing agonizing pain, I realized I had just been stubborn.

No matter his anger, he rushed to close the distance between us and hold me steady. Even when he was angry or hurt, it was never enough to take over his compassion. Jace truly was too good for this world.

I couldn’t help but nuzzle him as he held me. Never was it my intention to hurt him. I just didn’t want to rob something from him that he above all people deserved. A happy, love filled life.

“How could you do this to me?” he whispered while holding me close. “I have lived without you for over six years. I alone waited for you.”

“It is not something I’ve done to you, Jace,” I insisted. “I do not wish to exclude you. I just want to explore my heart.”

He sighed softly and set me back down in my chair. Kneeling in front of me, he pushed my hair back from my face. I loved him so much. I could only hope he still understood that.

“I have dreamt of you every night since you left my side,” he whispered. “Even so, I cannot make you unhappy. If you are sure, then I will not object. But do not make me stay away from you.”

It was never easy to stay away from him. The first time I ever tried to was when I became aware of how desperately I wanted to cross the lines of what was proper. Being around him had been overwhelming, so I elected to just stay away. But eventually he became frustrated with me and came to my room in the middle of the night to demand answers. That was the night he took my maidenhead. To this day I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

“Then you cannot ask me to stay away from him. I want this to be true and fair, issa dārys,” I whispered to him.

He said nothing, instead moving forward and pushing his lips to mine. His movements were cautious as to avoid causing me more pain in my busted lip, but I could feel a hunger behind it. All thoughts but him left me.

Jace pulled away far too soon, standing from his position in front of me. Within a moment he had me in his arms, holding me off the floor. I couldn’t help but giggle wildly at this. The sound made him smile and then he carried me to my bed.

In truth, for the longest time this was our bed. No matter how often our parents tried, we always found our way back into the same bed. It is why the room is decorated equally in our favorite colors. Once we had painted the wall behind the bed to look like a sunset, mixing stunning oranges and purples that felt like home. Warm and wonderful just like Jace.

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear as he began desperately pulling at the laces along my back that held my dress to me.

“I love you,” I whispered, pulling at his shirt. He pulled back just enough to allow me to pull it over his head and toss it aside before he put his lips to my neck.

My dress fell from my shoulders and chest, leaving my breasts exposed to him. The way Jace stared with nothing short of an animalistic hunger made me whimper in pleasure. Within a matter of moments he was massaging the left one and attaching his lips to the right. He sucked little red marks into the flesh, so insignificant that they would disappear by the morning, but leaving a stinging sensation wherever he touched that reminded me this was real.

When he took my hardened nipple in between his lips, grazing it with his teeth, I gasped in pleasure. It had been far too long since I had felt his touch. He made sure I was aware of it, too. He sucked eagerly, never once stopping the massaging movements he made with his hand. Moans of his name fell from my lips as though he were the god I worshipped.

He pulled away from me with a loud pop. “Always been so perfect for me,” he whispered to me. “Made for me, weren’t you, issa dāria?”

I was rendered speechless as Jace pulled my dress from me completely, followed quickly by his pants. In his naked form he was everything a girl could ask for. His muscles were firm and well defined, biceps large enough so that I could not wrap a hand around them. Any baby fat on his stomach had melted into six individually defined muscles. Somehow there was no hair along his chest, but a small line of hair connected his navel to the curly brown hair at the base of his cock.

Every time I saw his cock, my jaw dropped slightly. He was easily ten inches in length and thick enough so that I could barely touch my thumb and middle finger together when holding it. It was monstrous in size but he was so loving and sweet it never caused excessive pain. His cock was hard, red at the tip with pre-cum beading on it. I glanced up to his face to find him blushing as I looked him over.

“Still so shy after all the nights we spent together?” I asked him quietly.

“You must remember that while it has not been so long for you, it has been damn near seven years for me. So shut up,” he said, blushing even more at my teasing. I couldn’t help but giggle.

“No passage of time could ever change the love I have for you, or how perfect I find you,” I whispered before taking one of his hands in mine.

He moved to hover over me, a knee on either side of my own, his cock resting against my thighs. His eyes were easy to follow as he dragged his gaze along my body, starting at my face and working his way down. Every cut or scar, no matter how small, earned a kiss against the skin. Taking extra care with the bruise on my ribs, he pressed small kisses along the edges of it where it did not cause any pain. The pure intimacy of it was enough to cause a heat to build as my pussy became increasingly wet.

Just as he was about to continue leaving kisses down the rest of my body, I reached down to grab his chin. The touch was enough to get him to connect his gaze with me.

“Love me, Jace,” I whispered, pleading with him. I couldn’t take the sweet torture that was his foreplay.

“You are not ready for me yet, love,” he said.

“I am plenty wet for you. The rest I do not care about,” I told him.

“I do not wish to cause you more pain,” he insisted, but I leaned up and kissed him, my eyes fluttering shut.

This time it was I who kissed him hungrily. Being like this with him, I felt like I had been starving and all that I wanted was right in front of me. My sweet twin, one who had always put me above anyone else. Even now when I can feel how needy he is as his cock leaked pre-cum onto my thigh, he needed to put me above him.

Carefully I slid down some, so that his cock was now resting on my hip. Reaching between us I grabbed it, giving a few lazy strokes. He groaned against my lips when I aligned the tip to my waiting cunt.

He pulled back just enough to separate our lips. My eyes opened quickly so that I could look at him. His eyes were soft, waiting for me to tell him to go.

I nodded ever so slightly. That was all he needed to push forward into me. Already he was moaning my name as he sunk inch after inch into me. It ached quite a lot after not having him inside me for so long. But still, I couldn’t ask him to stop. The ache was pleasurable and needed.

He got nearly three quarters of his cock inside me before he stilled. He was breathing heavily, obviously struggling with restraint but giving me time to adjust. I pressed kisses over every part of his face before laying back so that I could admire him. Jacaerys was a god among men, that I was certain of.

“I’m okay, love,” I whispered to him. One look in my eyes was all he needed to be sure.

He hooked my right leg behind my knee and pulled it to lay against his chest. A cry of both pleasure and pain came out of my lips at the way this caused him to reach further in me than he ever had. There was a small smirk on his face. The cheeky fucker knew exactly what he did.

Setting a near torturous pace, he pulled out of me slowly and pushed back in. The pain I felt was indistinguishable from pleasure. Every twitch and every throb of his cock, I could feel entirely. Then Jace pressed his thumb to my clit, rubbing in tandem with each movement of his hips. When his cock was buried inside me, he rubbed against it eagerly, like he was trying to make me cum right then and there. And then every time my body started tightening up and I began to see stars, he pulled out to just his tip and all but stopped touching my clit.

I glared at him the sixth time he did it while feeling my approaching orgasm back off. It made him chuckle as he bent down, pressing my knee to my shoulder, with only the tip of his cock nestled inside me.

“You feel so good, you know that, love?” he whispered to me. “Feels like your cunt was designed with my cock in mind. Bet I would fit perfectly if I went all the way to my balls, don’t you?” With widened eyes I nodded eagerly. “Have I fucked you stupid already, pretty girl?”

This was a side to him I hadn’t seen before. Normally he was whispering praises to me, thanking the gods for me, and I gave him the same. But it was not unwelcome. In fact, I could feel myself clench around him as a whine built up in my throat.

“That’s okay, baby, don’t need you to say anything. Can feel how much you love this,” he whispered before driving his hips forward.

I wrapped my left leg around his waist so that I could pull him closer into me. Each powerful thrust had me moaning out his name. The sounds of my moans and his heavy balls slapping against my ass was all that could be heard echoing around the room. A wave started building inside me, the intensity of it increasing while he stroked my clit again. This time he never let up.

“Cum around my cock, pretty girl,” he said to me. “Fuck, Y/N, so fucking tight. So perfect for me.” His breathing became more labored as he punctuated each word with a moan.

“Gods, Jace!” I cried out when the orgasmic wave crashed over me. He looked to where his cock sank into me. The evidence of my orgasm soaked his stomach, sliding down his skin and dripping onto the bed.

Jace’s thrusts became erratic as my cunt squeezed around him. Within seconds, he was crying out my name and his hips stuttered to a stop. I could feel every inch of his cock throb and twitch as his cum poured into me.

He was very careful as he pulled out. Both of us whined at the loss of contact, but his turned quickly into a moan when he saw a string of my juices mixed with his between his cock and my body. With a goofy little smile he laid beside me and pulled the blanket up over the both of us.

“You have had my heart for our entire lives,” he whispered to me. “I am not giving yours up without a fight.”

With one last kiss to my forehead, he held me close to him before we both went to sleep.

#dividers by benkeibear #jacaerys velaryon #jacaerys velaryon x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader smut #smut #out of time

[nickfowlerrr]

waiting

pairing: dark!andy barber x curvy!reader

warnings: 18+ only. angst angst angst. mommy issues. mentions of pregnancy. allusion to thoughts of abortion (this blog is firmly pro choice btw). self loathing. everyone is just really mean to poor reader. ☹️. oh and a mention or two of mr. ransom drysale 😶 if i’m missing something important pls feel free to let me know.

words: 5.3k

notes: i’ve had this fic in my wips since july and finished since the beginning of this month, i just never posted it lol but i’m so excited to share it finally. this definitely isn’t for everyone and really was just an indulgent write but if you do read this, i hope you enjoy the angst. comments and reblogs are more than welcome and appreciated. i’d love to hear what you think. thank you for reading 🖤

The flickering light in the nearly empty emergency room was unsettling. Your mind was taunting you as you sat in the waiting area, the chair beneath you growing harder and more uncomfortable with each passing minute.

You had jinxed yourself.

Cursing your fate mere hours ago and dwelling on how horribly things were going lately, thinking it couldn’t possibly get any worse.. Of course, it could.

In all honesty, you didn’t really know why you were here. Maybe just as an excuse to try and avoid the inevitable.

Maybe it was some sick sense of guilt hanging over you..

A part of you now desperate to remember the sense of comfort you could find in her - even if only for a few moments. As hard as you’ve tried these last 24 hours, you just couldn’t seem to remember what it felt like. You started to wonder if there was really anything to remember at all. But there had to be, right? She was your mother. There had to be. And then your phone rang. You didn’t let yourself think before you told whoever was on the other end that you would be there soon. You just called an Uber and went right down. Now here you were.

Whatever it was that drove you here - fear, guilt, obligation, a need for reassurance - that maybe this all wouldn’t be so bad, it brought you to this moment. Waiting with baited breath for your name to be called, for someone to escort you to her room, to finally see the damage she had done with her refusal to help herself. You felt bad, though you knew you shouldn’t. The damage she had done to you could be seen every time you looked in the mirror.

Stare too long at your reflection and you're lost again to the darkness that has managed to follow you all your life. You felt hollow a lot of the time, but the more apt word would be numb. Because you weren’t hollow by any means. No, you were full to the brim with hurt and anger and despair. You didn’t like feeling that. So numbness was better.

Just try to forget. Don’t let your mind sit in silence for too long. It was prone to wandering. And so were you. Maybe that’s why you were in the position you were now. You could never let yourself be content. Always searching, always reaching for something more. Something that could finally make you feel. Force you to feel. You just didn’t realize that it would lead you to him. That anyone could ever make you feel as much as he did. That you could ever feel like this.

The flickering of the light was bad, but the seemingly deafening silence was worse.

Until it wasn’t.

The entrance door slid open and you vaguely heard the footfall of whoever had just entered approaching behind you while the chilling breeze from outside came rushing in with them.

The shadow loomed over you and you didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. The creaking of the old chair as he sat directly behind you was irksome, as was his unwanted presence. Maybe if you just pretended he wasn’t there, you wouldn’t have to deal with him right now. Maybe he’d just go away for tonight. Maybe he’d be kind enough to leave you alone.

You could have scoffed out loud at yourself.

Kindness wasn’t really his thing. Not lately. And if you’d learned anything these past six months it was that the times you most wished he’d leave you be, were the times he was sure not to.

Waiting for him to move or speak or to do something, anything at all, was even more frustrating and did nothing to help settle the anxiety that was already turning your stomach. You couldn’t take the silence a moment longer. You spoke with your back to him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been calling you all night,” he responded without answering your question. You could hear the edge in his tone and it only served to piss you off. He had the audacity to be upset when he knew what was going on. You weren’t stupid enough to just not show up when he expected you at his place, you texted him and told him where you’d be and why. It wasn’t like you were hiding from him. At least not in a way he could prove.

“Yeah, well, I've been a little preoccupied.” you said harshly. Biting your lip as you instantly regretted your tone. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but you couldn’t deal with the repercussions you’d get for it from him right now. You were already on the verge of breaking completely.

“Sweetheart,” he leaned forward in his chair as he spoke, voice hard, getting even closer to you as if his presence wasn’t already all together suffocating.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered. “I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I’ve been waiting since I texted you. They won’t let me back there.”

Truthfully, you were more upset about the news you’d gotten yesterday than you were about the wait - you weren’t even really sure you wanted to go back there. Their ignorance of you was more helpful than you were sure they realized. You couldn't be accused of not showing up, it’s not like it was your fault they never got to you. You were still there.

You didn’t speak that aloud though, and he wouldn’t have given you any time to if you’d wanted.

He clicked his tongue and got up without saying a word and walked to the receptionist. You watched as they spoke, his charm shining through as the young woman was in complete admiration at the man before her. If only she knew the real him. If only anyone knew what he was really like. But no. He saved his true self for you and you alone.

The shrill laughter of the woman pierced your ears as Andy smiled, charming oozing off of him. You were reminded of the first time you met him. How easily you had fallen for his act, much the same way. Laughing shyly at his compliments and smiling softly at that same smirk you now dread. The one that haunts your dreams at night after he finally grants you some peace. He’d taken over everything. Every aspect of your life. All of you.

He didn’t care. Not really. Not about the situation. Not even truly about you. He could pretend all he liked, but you knew the truth, whether he accepted it or not.

He didn’t care, he just wanted people to believe he did. That’s what it felt like. And damn did they believe. You had, too. Until you got too close. Finally saw him drop the facade.

Sometimes you could convince yourself it was better this way. To really know him, to know the truth. It helped you not feel so much like a fool anymore. And the way you saw people react to him, falling for every kind smile and caring word, that helped too. You couldn’t blame yourself, he was just so damn good at hiding it.

The woman behind the desk pressed a button and the door leading further into the hospital buzzed open. Andy smiled at her again, giving her a soft ‘thank you’.

He stood at the door, looking at you while holding it open, waiting for you to get up. You stared blankly a moment, your body not wanting to move. This was stupid. Seeing her wouldn’t change anything. It’d do no good for either of you. In fact, it’d probably just send you spiraling even further. You never should have come here in the first place. Never should have answered the phone to begin with. You had bigger problems to worry about. This was too much. It was all too much. Maybe you could visit her after she got home, but you couldn’t do this, especially not right now. Your heart was starting to race and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You opened your mouth slightly, wanting to speak but no words would come out. You vaguely heard Andy call your name, but didn’t respond to it, not until he loudly cleared his throat and broke through your trance. You looked at him immediately, his annoyance clear in what used to be such kind eyes. You couldn’t find the softness or warmth you did before. Only harsh blue staring a hole through you. You forced your body to move, albeit slowly, standing up and walking toward him. When you were close enough and he was sure no one was watching, he gripped your arm tight and pulled you through the threshold of the door. You stumbled forward, gasping slightly, and tried to pull your arm away, grimacing as his grip was too tight. You looked up at him, pleading without words, eyes begging him to relent. Instead of just letting go of you, he threw your arm away from him and out of his hold. Another needless aggression.

“Stop acting so goddamn catatonic,” he snarled.

“I shouldn’t have come here,” you murmured. “I can’t do this,” you breathed as you tried to move past him, back through the door you’d just entered through.

“Now you want to leave? The second I get you back here? You’re that fucking stubborn. You won’t let me do any nice thing for you, you just like when I’m mean to you, is that it?”

“Andy, please,” you tried to calm him. “It’s not you, I just, I can’t do this, okay. I can’t see her. Please. Let’s just go, I’ll go with you, alright? Wherever you wanted to go tonight, let’s go,” you pleaded. You really couldn’t fathom having to face her. Now that you were so close, you just couldn’t do it. Hell, you were begging the man you’d been trying to keep away from to take you anywhere else, you were that desperate to avoid this reunion.

Your head was down now, staring at his solid chest as he continued to keep you blocked from the door. You felt his hand come up, moving some of your hair out of your face. His touch, deceptively gentle. He moved to tilt your chin up, forcing you to meet his eyes.

“You are leaving with me, you already know that. But we’re not going anywhere until I say we are. You’re gonna be a big girl,” he said, voice dripping with condescension as he gripped your chin painfully, “and do what you came here to do. You can’t run from your fears forever.”

You felt tears welling in your eyes but you fought them back with everything you had.

I hate you I hate you I hate you.

That was all that was running through your head as you blinked away the tears threatening to spill. He didn’t deserve your tears. Neither of them did.

You backed away, lips in a tight line and eyes hard.

A nurse was passing by as you did and Andy was quick to put on a show.

He grabbed your hand gently and it took everything in you not to rip it away. He pulled you back closer and wrapped his arms around you, burying your face in his chest. “It’s alright, sweetheart. Everything’s gonna be okay,” he spoke softly. You couldn’t see his face, so you didn’t know for sure, but you would have bet money he smiled at the nurse as they passed by. Another phony display of comfort.

You weren’t even sure he realized why he was doing it, or how hollow of a gesture it was. You wondered if he really was that deluded that he could think this was a sincere intimate moment between the two of you. His heavy hand was rubbing your back in an attempt to be soothing, and seemed to confirm your thoughts. He turned you in his hold, your back to his chest as he ushered you in the direction of the room number he had been given.

Your feet were only moving because he was pushing you forward. You didn’t know what room you were going to, but when Andy stopped in front of a cracked door, you figured that must be it. You swallowed hard, turning to face him again. Having to see her on your own was enough to leave you feeling sick, but with the news you got yesterday still weighing on you and Andy hovering so close, you felt nearly immobile. The more you thought about what was about to happen, the more anxious you got. You started to think about the last time you’d had to introduce your mother to the person you were seeing. It went horribly, even he agreed. And Ransom had a pretty low bar set for family as it was. Not that he had any room to judge.. Thinking about him and everything that had gone down those few years ago gave you chills even now. How the hell did you constantly end up in these convoluted, fucked up relationships. You worried it said more about you than it did any of them.

“You, you can’t go in,” you said, shaking your head as you avoided eye contact. “She’ll…it’ll be a whole thing,” you tried to explain.

“She doesn’t know about me?” he sniffed.

“I haven’t seen her in over a year,”

“You don’t call?” You cringed at his tone. Accusatory, like he always was, already putting the blame for the rift you had with your mother on you without knowing any of the details. You swallowed the renewed lump forming in your throat and took a stabilizing breath before you responded.

“It’s been a while,” you choked, your voice thick and throat tight.

“Well I can introduce myself just fine,”

You moved to block him from entering the door, earning a stern glare in response.

“I’m only going to say this once,” he seethed. “Move.”

“Let me just talk to her first,” you refused.

His jaw ticked as he stared down at you, eyes narrowed. He huffed, agitated. You thought for a second he was going to listen, but you should have known better. He took a step closer, bending down and grabbing your face in his large hands.

“You’re gonna remember this exact moment later tonight. And you’re gonna regret it.”

His voice was calm, his eyes sure - and you believed him. Your shoulders sagged as you deflated. You weren’t gonna win this one. He brushed past you and entered the room with a knock on the door as he pushed it open. His previous irritation was quickly replaced by his mask of goodheartedness.

You heard her before you saw her, the lilt of her voice paralyzing you.

Suddenly you were a kid all over again, teary eyed and broken hearted at the words that spilled from her lips as she held up clothes to you in the department store, vicious in meaning but so gentle in her delivery. If you didn’t pay attention to the words, you could convince yourself she was reassuring you instead of tearing you apart. That’s what it looked like to passersby, you were sure. The unadulterated spite and barely concealed hatred was saved for you behind closed doors. Living under her roof was your own personal hell and once you got out from under her thumb, you refused to settle back down anywhere. Never believing you were secure, wanted. You just kept searching for what you were longing for, never accepting when you’d found it, or just too scared to stay. Always wandering to the next. You couldn't stay too long or they'd grow to despise you, too.

Who would have thought you'd find yourself trapped again after all these years, all the time you spent desperate to avoid it. It was almost comical. It had to be cosmic. It was like you ran right into him. You wanted to know what you had done in your past life to have cursed yourself to such a fate in this one. How did they keep finding you and what had you done to deserve it? Another devil holding you down. You should have seen it coming. Maybe you did. Maybe it just felt so familiar, the only love you knew as a kid. Anything else you'd received felt like a joke, like you didn't deserve it. Or maybe it was even simpler than that. Maybe you were just tired of trying to outrun fate.

The people you found yourself closest to were always the wolves in sheep’s clothing. Seeming so gentle and loving from the outside, but ready to tear you apart the second they get you alone. Exposed. Vulnerable.

Maybe you did deserve this. The second you started to believe things were finally going right for you, that maybe you could finally be happy, that seeming reality was shattered for you by the very hands you thought were helping put you back together after spending so much of your life feeling absolutely broken.

You didn’t really hear the words they were exchanging as you walked into the room after a moment, taking a heavy breath. When you finally focused in, you heard the end of their brief introductions.

“There’s my daughter,” she announced as you approached. “Look at you,” she intoned, looking you up and down before landing on your face. “You’re all done up. Got all your makeup on.”

You crossed your arms in front of your chest uncomfortably as you took a breath, looking away from her. You could hear the judgment clear as day laced in her words.

“It looks pretty,” she tried to compliment when you looked to her, face solemn. “I wish I could do my makeup like that,” she said smiling.

“Thanks, mom,” you replied, taking a step further into the room. You could feel Andy’s gaze on you, watching you intently, waiting for you to make your way to him, you were sure. “...How are you?”

You felt stupid for even asking, but you didn’t really know what else to say.

“Oh, ya know,” she tried to play off. “I’m fine, honey, I’m fine,” she assured you when you looked at her with a slightly raised brow. She took a breath. “I haven’t seen you in over a year. Haven’t heard from you nearly at all, either, I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah. Sorry,” you said, feeling guilty.

“Hey, that’s life, though. Gets hard. Trust me, I know,” she said before she considered you a moment. With just the tilt of her head you knew she was about to say something provocative. “You look so different…. A lot can change in over a year, though, right?” she continued, looking over to Andy deliberately.

“Uhm. Mom, this is Andy Barber. Andy, my mother,” you introduced them only out of obligation. Manners were important to both of them. Something else they had in common.

“So he told me,” she smiled. “I’m assuming you’re… dating?” You swallowed hard as you looked at her before looking to Andy.

“Six months now,” he responded for you, walking to where you were still standing, smiling softly as he put his arm around you. It was deceptively sweet, comforting. You almost wanted to let yourself relax into him, use him as a shield against the vitrole you knew would be coming eventually.

“Six months? Wow. That must be a record for you, right?” she baited you with a laugh. You didn’t respond, just looked down to the one teal tile on the floor amongst the sea of white. You could feel her eyes on you before she realized she wouldn’t be getting a response, turning her attention to Andy instead.

“So, what do you do for work?” she prodded.

“I’m an assistant DA,” he answered her.

“A lawyer?” your mother said, shocked evident in her voice as she looked at you. “Well, better make sure this one lasts,'' she told you. “And if it does last, you’d better get a prenup,” she laughed again as she nodded to Andy.

You stiffened as Andy did beside you and bit your cheek, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. She noticed your face and her scoff made your stomach turn. You looked up to see her rolling her eyes as she looked away like she was exhausted by you already. “You just always have to have an attitude don’t you?” she said almost under her breath, frustrated. “Why are you so sensitive? You’re an adult. Stop taking things so personally. Lighten up, grow some skin. I’m trying to have a conversation and it's like everything I say you have an issue with.

God, y/n, ya know, why are you even here? To make me feel worse? Remind me how much of a fuck up mother I am?” You knew it was coming. It always did. And yet you were still jostled by her flip. You felt Andy’s hand squeeze your waist as you unconsciously backed further into him, pressing closer to his side like a frightened puppy trying to hide yourself.

“Mom, I didn’t say anyt-”

“Why are you here?” she enunciated each word loudly, interrupting and talking over you.

“They called when they brought you in. I’m your emergency contact, remember?”

“Remember? Don’t talk to me like I’m senile.” she nearly sneered.

You bite your tongue and cursed yourself for feeling tears well up already.

“Yeah, that’s great. Bring out the waterworks. Put on a show, make me the bad guy. It’s always me, right? It’s always my fault,” she continued. “What do you have to cry for? I’m the one who was abandoned by you. You show up after over a year of rejecting my calls and one word text responses, what to make yourself feel better? Where were you when I needed you, huh?” she questioned, words like knives in your heart. You felt so small under her angry gaze. You felt like the worst person in the world. You felt like a child. A weak, scared, sorry child.

“Andy was it?” she asked, pulling her eyes from you as she turned them to Andy.

“Mr. Barber is fine,” he corrected, voice hard and defensive.

“Well, Mr. Barber,” she mimicked, “I’m sorry you have to see this, but let me just warn you. If I know my daughter, I know she's not much for sticking around. She’ll run as soon as she gets the chance. She’s like her father that way. The second she gets tired of you. The second you can’t offer her anything anymore,” the bitterness was dripping from her every word, “she’ll be gone.”

You gulped down the lump in your throat and squeezed your own hand to try and keep yourself calm.

“If you don’t believe me, just ask her ex. He’ll tell you the same thing,” she said.

“What are you talking about?” you said dumbfounded and exasperated.

“What do you think I’m talking about? Ransom,” she said as if it was obvious. The mention of his name had you frozen. “The second you found out he was written out of that will, you left him like it was nothing.”

“Are you serious? You’re gonna bring that up right now? He went to prison for murder, mom!” you raged. “And you know what, my relationships are none of your business,” you seethed.

“You slept with him for his money, you and I both know it. Just because it turned into something more after doesn’t change the way it started.”

“That’s not true,” you whispered angrily.

“I don’t believe you,” she told you, voice eerily level as tears renewed in your eyes.

“What is wrong with you?” you asked, voice breaking as Andy pulled you behind him.

“That’s enough. It’s clear this was a bad idea,” he stated, making you want to scream. As if you hadn’t told him as much before he forced you in here. You turned to the side as you held your head in your hands, trying to regain your composure.

“Oh my god,” your mother breathed as she took in your side profile for the first time. Her voice was full of worry and your head shot over to her immediately in response to your name being spoken in near reprimand. “Are...are you pregnant?” she asked out of nowhere.

“What?” you breathed.

“Your stomach looks bigger. Like there’s a bump there. It’s been a year but I know what you look like when you put on weight,” she started, eyes locked on your tummy. “And I know what baby weight looks like.. Yo-you’re pregnant aren’t you?” she asked again. She sounded..scared.

You were looking at her, confounded as Andy turned to you, looking much the same. He eyed you up and down before you felt his gaze settle on your stomach. Your hands came up to your lower belly self consciously.. Or maybe it was protectively.

You didn’t know how she knew. You’d only just found out yourself. You didn’t think you were showing noticeably in the slightest. Your periods were always irregular. Skipping cycles wasn’t anything you would think twice about. You were on the pill. You thought maybe you were just more bloated lately. Gaining weight wasn’t anything new for you, either. You didn’t piece any of it together right away. You had no reason to. You were protected. Or so you thought. And you had zero plans of informing Andy of the news. Not yet. You were still trying to process it. You couldn’t be a mother. You couldn’t become your mother. But what were you supposed to do? You could deny it easily enough, put the conversation off, but you knew Andy wouldn’t let it go. He’d want a test to know for sure either way. He’d find out the truth. You were planning to make your appointment next week to find out how far along you were. See if you had any options left.

“Are you pregnant?” Andy asked softly, walking closer to you.

Your mouth was dry. You didn’t want to answer him, but you knew you’d have to. You licked your lips before you spoke.

“I don’t- I- I think.. maybe,” you breathed, words fumbling while you were avoiding eye contact with both of them.

Your attention was caught by your mother lamenting your nickname, pained and sorrowful. “Don’t do this to yourself,” she pleaded. “You’re so young, you’re not ready to be a mother. You-”

“All due respect,” Andy snapped, “- which is near none,” he added, sneering as he turned on your mother while you watched in sudden shock, mouth slightly agape while your mind spun, “you have absolutely no say here. In fact, it’s none of your business. This is a private matter between your daughter and I - no one else. But if you really want to worry about anyone’s ability to mother, I’d focus on yourself first. You’ve done a real bang up job so far,” he said sarcastically.

“Andy,” you reproached, walking quietly to him, wanting to calm things before they got worse.

“We’re leaving,” he said to you while sending daggers to your mother who looked at you with tears in her eyes, “You never should have come here.”

You looked at your mom, discontent clear on your face.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” she said, voice cracking. You had to look away before your own tears started to fall, lip wobbling. You weren’t sure what she was apologizing for, but it was the first time you ever heard her say those words sincerely. And it broke your heart. Andy grabbed your hand in his as he pulled you to the door and out of the room. The second you were past the door, you immediately broke down in tears. Everything hitting you all at once. Suddenly you were gasping for air as you felt like your legs were about to give out beneath you. Andy’s arms wrapped around you, turning you to pull you into his chest, his strength keeping you up as you leaned fully into him. One hand was holding your head while the other was wrapped around you, rubbing your back as you cried. He placed a kiss atop your head while he hushed you quietly, both of you standing in the empty hospital hallway.

You caught your breath after a minute and let yourself believe he was holding you so gently because he really cared. Because he was sorry for not listening to you. Because he wanted you to feel better, to comfort you. Whether it was true or not, it helped. Slowly you pulled away from him, and his hand came up to brush the tears off your puffy cheeks.

“How far along are you?”

“I really don’t know,” you said honestly. “If I had to guess, at least ten weeks,”

“How long have you known?” he asked quietly, thumb still stroking your cheek.

You looked at him doe eyed, lips set in a small pout. You opened your mouth to speak before he cut you off,

“I’m gonna tell you right now, don’t lie to me,” he warned, an ocean storm brewing in his normally brilliant blue eyes as he forced you to look him in the eye.

“Since yesterday,” you murmured. “I swear.”

He nodded slightly then took you by surprise, pulling you closer for a slow and deep kiss. Your brows were furrowed as he pulled away to allow you both a breath.

“You should have told me right when you found out,” he reproached.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed. “I was still trying to wrap my head around it. I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I don’t know how this even happened,” you confessed. But Andy knew.

He’d been switching out your birth control for nearly four months now and had long since stopped wearing condoms with you, though that you were aware of. He didn’t think it was important to tell you about the swap he’d made with your pills, so he decided to keep that to himself. No need to get you worked up again. Especially now that he knew you finally were pregnant. He’d have to figure out a way to keep you as stress free as possible. Keeping you home would be easy enough, he basically had you living with him already, but he’d have to make that change slowly, you would surely resist his attempts to keep you at home if he made it too obvious.

He found your mother’s warning funny, though. As if you’d ever be able to run from him. You’d tried, but he was always two steps ahead. You didn’t go anywhere without him knowing, whether you knew that or not. You were his now. You had been since the day he first laid eyes on you. You weren’t going anywhere. As he thought about the changes he’d have to make now that you were pregnant, he remembered the punishment he’d given you a few nights ago. It reminded him you had another one coming tonight, too. He’d have to go about them differently now, though. As much as he loved discipling you, his tactics would have to change, he’d need to be even more careful with you. And more lenient, he realized. He loved your responses to spankings, but he was looking forward to changing your punishments up with edging or overstimulation now instead. Either way, he was sure to make you cry. Make sure you’d learn your lessons. And he’d get started tonight. You brought out the darkness in him, but you brought the softness out, too. He wanted to remind you how good things could be. There was just one more thing bugging him at the moment that he’d have to let out.

“Come on,” he instructed. “I parked in the garage.”

You walked with him to the entrance before he led the way to his car.

He opened the door for you and helped you in before he went around and got in himself. He sighed heavily as you sat in silence for a moment before he turned to you.

“Who the fuck is Ransom?”

#andy barber x curvy!reader #andy barber x plus size reader #andy barber x reader #andy barber #andy barber x plus size!reader #dark!andy barber x reader #dark!andy barber #soft!dark andy barber #andy barber angst #soft!dark andy barber x reader #tw abortion #tw pregnancy #tw mommy issues #chris evans characters #andy barber fic #andy barber fanfiction #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber x curvy!reader #dark!andy barber x plus size!reader #soft!dark andy barber x curvy!reader #dark andy barber x reader #dark andy barber x curvy reader #dark andy barber x plus size reader

[imasimpforshanks]

Hii! hope you're having a good day, can i request the fluff alphabet for Sanji, please? i just saw your post about it 🧐 thanks for everything, love ur works 💗💗💗

Sanji Fluff alphabet

a/n: thank you for requesting ❤️ and thank you for your kind words, it’s so sweet 😭😭😭😭 hope you enjoy<3

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

sanji will do anything and everything with you. farmers markets, cooking together, walks along the beach, reading next to one another… you name it. as long as it’s with you, sanji doesn’t care what it is you do together, because any time with you is time well spent.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

true to his character, sanji admires every single thing about you. every inch of you is beautiful in his eyes. he spends every morning whispering in your ear how beautiful you are (both inside and out).

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

sanji’s go to comforting technique is food. food makes everything better. if you’re feeling down, anxious or anything, food is the answer. however, he also tends to mix in lots of words of affirmation and physical affection.

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

marriage and kids are things he’s thought about doing with you since the minute he met you. sanji wants to live happily doing what he loves with the person he loves most in the world. that’s all that matters to him.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

naturally, sanji is very bold and loud, causing most people to think he’d be more dominant in a relationship. however, when it comes to your relationship, you are the one that runs it. whatever you say, goes. sanji will not argue; he is at your beck and call.

F-Fight (would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?)

sanji has one rule and that is to never, ever fight with you. sanji would rather have zoro cut his head off than ever dream of fighting with you. but, if an argument or disagreement is brewing sanji apologizes immediately and will do anything to make right the situation.

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

sanji thanks you for being a part of his life and loving him, every day. he takes your fave in his hands and proudly states “thank you for helping me become the man i am today” before placing a kiss on your forehead. you helped him grow and change for the better and he will do everything in his power to show his appreciation.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

there isn’t a single thing in this world that sanji would ever hide from you, unless it is something that would endanger you. but, even then it takes every ounce of his self control to not let you know what’s going on. he hates having to lie to you; it eats him up inside.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

it’s no secret that sanji has a track record for being overly eccentric and flirty with all women, however, after meeting you, he changed. the flirting and heart eyes for anyone other than you, stopped. being with you has really allowed sanji to settle down.

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

yes and no. sanji is well aware that you only have eyes for him. he’s actually really confident and secure in your relationship, because you both frequently remind each other. however, sanji’s jealously can rear its ugly head when you’re around people he doesn’t like, namely zoro. once the jealousy starts to surface he’ll get even clingier and more bold with his displays of affection.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?)

if there’s one thing about kissing sanji it’s that each and every kiss is so passionate and full of love; he sweeps you off your feet everytime.

but, it also smells and tastes like cigarettes. it was quite a shock during your first kiss to be hit with that much tobacco. if the cigarette scent and flavor isn’t your thing, sanji will do everything in his power (other than quitting) to get rid of it.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

sanji tells you very very early on into your relationship. he basically sings it out loud for everyone to hear. however, it takes a while for you to realize that he is actually in love with you and not just infatuated.

M-Marriage (do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?)

sanji is going to marry you. that much he is certain of. it’s something he’s known since meeting you. he wants nothing more than to tell the whole entire world that he is yours, and you are his.

sanji, being sanji, is going to have some absolutely grand romantic proposal planned that is perfectly tailored to your relationship. it’s going to make you remember just how much you love him.

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

he loves to call you every gooey, sweet, loving term of endearment in the book. but, his favourite is “my love.”

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

when sanji is in love, everyone knows it - including you. he’s not one to shy away from his feelings. he’ll tell it to you straight (or show it to you with food and romantic gestures).

P-PDA (are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?)

sanji love love loves PDA. he would kiss you, hug you, spin you around, feed you and dance with you in front of the whole world if he could. he’s happy and willing to demonstrate just how much he loves you.

Q-Quirk (some random ability they have that is beneficial in a relationship?)

it’s not random in the slightest, but with sanji you have your own personal chef. and you better believe it certainly has its benefits!

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

this man is perhaps the most romantic individual you will ever come across. flowers, candlelit dinners, sunset walks on the beach, having his undivided attention… anything you can think of, anything you want this man will do for you.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

for sanji, the second your relationship begins, your goals become his goals and vice verse. so really, he’s your biggest cheerleader! he believes in you and your goals 110%. more than that though, he is right next to you every step of the way; ready to lend you a hand the second you ask.

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

sanji loves your relationship exactly as it is. he doesn’t feel the need to change anything. he’s definitely open to any ideas you have to spice up your relationship if you so desire.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

sanji knows you like the back of his hand. he can read you like a book and responds accordingly. you’ll never meet someone more understanding than him.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

your relationship is the most important thing in his life (and helping luffy become pirate king). everything else in his life comes in second. there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

when you can’t sleep sanji hums little lullabies to help put your mind at ease. sometimes he even makes up lullabies about how much he loves you.

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

unsurprisingly, sanji is very affectionate. any chance he gets he’s showering you with love and affection whether it be compliments, kisses all over your face, hugs or cooking your favourite meal.

Y-Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

sanji nearly drives himself insane when you’re away. when you’re not around it’s like a piece of him is missing. but to try and cope does all of your favourite things and cooks all of your favourite meals to make it feel like your still there. and then when it gets closer to your arrival date he’ll go around preparing everything on the ship to make sure it’s perfect for when you return.

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

sanji would do literally anything for you. he would die for you and your relationship. all you need to do is say the words.

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #one piece imagines #one piece alphabet #fluff alphabet #sanji #sanji x y/n #sanji x reader #black leg sanji #straw hat pirates

[riddlerosehearts]

got myself thinking about my own personal experiences with frozen, and why the first movie means enough to me to be my favorite of all time, and thought i might as well just go ahead and post about it in case there's anyone who wants to read it. although i'm not great with words, so this post will probably be too long and feel too silly and over the top, and i should also warn that this is a lot of very personal information, but:

i saw frozen in theaters on its opening weekend in 2013. i hadn't listened to any of the songs in advance at all--i've avoided listening to the soundtracks for new disney movies prior to seeing them in theaters ever since i saw princess and the frog in 2009, because i feel like i enjoy my first experience with the movie and the music more that way. although i may have already overheard snippets of let it go back then just because it was so popular. i honestly don't remember too clearly because my strongest memory by far of hearing let it go for the first time is being absolutely blown away by it in the theater.

so. i've had depression and social anxiety since i was a kid, and, although i didn't know this until several years after frozen was released, i'm autistic as well. so dealing with all of these things at once, combined with the fact that i had no idea i was autistic, made me think i just couldn't ever fit in with anyone because i was weird and there was something wrong with me. for most of my life i never had any friends and i thought i had to hide from people as much as possible. which i do think is at least a little justified by the fact that the whole time i was in school from fifth grade through tenth grade--after tenth grade my parents finally pulled me out of public school and i was homeschooled, something i'd honesty been begging them to do--i was bullied and betrayed by friends in various ways because i was weird and didn't fit in. i won't go into details, but the fact that i knew while still in public school that i was bisexual also played into this.

so seeing elsa's parents hide her from the world because she had something that made her different from others, seeing her be taught to "conceal, don't feel" and called a monster, just hit me very hard when i first saw the movie. i interpreted her as having developed depression and anxiety like i did (and now, ever since 2016 when i discovered that i was autistic, i've also liked to headcanon her as such) and just felt so incredibly happy to see her proudly proclaim that she wasn't going to hold back and hide who she was anymore, letting herself freely use her powers, and decide that even if she had to be alone, at least she was free.

and then, seeing how anna fought so hard to get elsa to come home and make sure she knew that she didn't have to be alone and that she wasn't unloved, and seeing the people of arendelle accept her wholeheartedly as she created an ice skating rink at the end, gave me so much hope for myself. as did reading the "sisterhood is the strongest magic" books and other things like the various frozen comics, and watching frozen fever and olaf's frozen adventure, and seeing that elsa truly was accepted by her people, that she was capable and loved as queen and had a home, that anna and kristoff and all the people of arendelle appreciated her as she was, would be there when she felt anxious or needed a shoulder to cry on, and didn't at all believe that her powers made her weird and out of place with them. all of this just gave me so, so much comfort throughout the years and still does all of this time later.

i know a lot of people are sick of frozen and find it to be overhyped, and everyone certainly has the right to their opinion! but elsa is basically tied with one other fictional character as my favorite of all time, i love anna and kristoff and yes, even olaf, very dearly, and i do believe that the movie deserves all of the love it gets. i find it so beautiful that people can read elsa's powers and her story as an allegory for so many different things and connect with her and find comfort in her in so many different ways. i can hardly believe that it's been over 10 years since the movie came out, over 10 years since i saw elsa transform her stuffy coronation gown into that beautiful flowing ice dress and sing about finally letting herself be who she really was. maybe loving frozen even half as much as i do is "cringy", but this is my own personal tumblr blog and i will be as cringy as i want! and besides, the cold never bothered me anyway. i'm sorry, i couldn't resist saying that.

#frozen #disney #i'm lowkey embarrassed to put this in the tags LMAO but if i don't i'll never be able to find it again

[viviennevermillion]

Hey! Could I have prompt 4 with Cyno x reader pls? thx :3

Life After You

notes: this work is part of my 3k followers event! check out my pinned post for the event masterlist and further info. I also sincerely apologize to the people who requested first for doing these out of order but I gotta write what I'm inspired to atm or else I'll never get started. Also once again, feel free to check out my genshin discord :3

prompt: all that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you, and I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life we've been through; 'cause I know there's no life after you

song these lyrics are from: life after you [daughtry]

contains: cyno x reader, fluff

warnings: none

"Two Shawarma Wraps please!", you smiled at Lambad as you paid for the food you had ordered. It wasn't hard to notice your good mood. After all, you had enough reason to smile, given that the man you loved was coming home from work earlier today and had promised to spend the rest of his day with his beloved. So since you still had some time to spare until Cyno would return, you had decided to get lunch for the two of you to surprise him.

It was a beautiful day, however, if you were honest, you didn't have any plans to leave the house again before the sun set. You were looking forward to just spend a day alone with Cyno, away from the prying eyes who recognized him as the General Mahamatra.

Just as you were fumbling with your keys at the entrance to the house you lived in, you felt two arms wrapping around your waist and a soft kiss on the back of your neck before Cyno nuzzled his face into your neck. "Ah, there you are already", you chuckled and turned around to properly greet your boyfriend with a kiss. "I missed you", Cyno said softly and kissed your cheek gently multiple times. You held up the packaged Shawarma Wraps. "I got us food", you exclaimed triumphantly. Cyno kissed your forehead and held up a finger. "Thank you, love. I got you something too", he seemed more excited than usual and started searching for something in his backpack.

He handed you a book. "It's the newest Genius Invokation TCG novel", he tried to say this calmly but you could see how he was internally ready to jump up and down like a teenage girl who had just gotten a text back from her crush, "they changed back to the original author so now there won't be any controversies regarding the main character fighting with a card that was never even in the game." You had heard him rant about this part of the story multiple times. He was always a little conflicted whether it was still within the rules of the game or not.

Cyno had introduced you to Genius Invokation TCG and he made it sound so interesting, that you agreed to read all the novels he was ready to lend to you and he had taught you how to play the game yourself. Now it was one of your favorite shared activities to engage in.

You remembered how Cyno had asked you for genuine feedback on whether you found his jokes funny. Knowing that he valued honesty, you told him that they weren't always funny, but that you still loved them and they still always lightened your mood. They made you at least chuckle most of the time, not because they were hilarious, but because telling unfunny jokes was so unapologetically Cyno that you couldn't help but feel happiness. You loved the man with all your heart, after all. You always encouraged him to keep making jokes, so he could never be mad that you didn't find them funny quite frequently.

You had followed up your statement with telling Cyno that you also just really enjoyed his voice. "A lot of your jokes sound more like you're telling a story", you remarked, "and quite frankly, you'd be a fantastic storyteller. I'd listen to you read the entire Genius Invokation TCG novel. Hell, I'd listen to you read me an overly specific instruction manual." Cyno had taken that a little too serious. Or rather, he saw this statement as a wonderful opportunity to tease you.

You had recently bought a very simple kitchen shelf that was built together in less than 15 minutes. Nevertheless, the instruction manual was overly complicated, written in 5 different languages and had 20 pages. And Cyno was determined to read all of them to you. You were sitting on the couch, trying to write while Cyno was reading the very detailed description of the process for building a small kitchen shelf. "Cyno, I'm trying to write Tighnari a birthday card, you're distracting me", you pouted as he leaned closer and whispered in your ear with a very serious voice. "Turn the screwdriver 20 times counter-clockwise-", was all he got out before you softly hit his face with a pillow but couldn't help but laugh. "You're impossible", you shook your head seeing that Cyno was laughing too. "Make sure that the board is fixed within the shelf frame before moving on to the next one...."

"Shut up", you grabbed his shoulders and shook him a little, "please...."

You chuckled before continuing with the birthday card. Cyno did fall silent. Instead he was now trailing kisses down your neck and then guided your chin so you'd face him. He kissed you passionately, pulling you into his lap. After the kiss you rolled your eyes at him. "Now I wrote 'I got you this Inazuma from flower. Happy Birth, Tighnari!'", you chucked another pillow at him, "look at what you've done. We're writing a new card and this time you'll be the one writing." "Fine by me", Cyno gave in and let out a soft chuckle before picking up the instruction manual again so you'd shut him up with another kiss. Cyno suggested you could simply add a joke to the card to distract from the mistakes you had made. "I would, but Tighnari would probably strangle both of us."

This was a side of him only you got to see and you felt blessed everytime he showed it to you, even though he was a tease sometimes. But this was how he had promised to read the new Genius Invokation TCG novel with you once it came out. You were looking forward to listening to his soothing voice and being snuggled up to his chest while listening to the story. You were just as excited about discussing the lore and story with him afterwards, coming up with theories for the next edition, which Cyno always loved to hear.

"What are you thinking about?", Cyno asked curiously, snapping you out of your memories as you opened the door. "Just remembered that time you read an instruction manual to me", you snickered. "I can do that again", he gave you a wink as you walked up the stairs.

After a moment of silence, Cyno raised his voice again. "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something", he was already anticipating your reaction before you laughed at his joke. "Okay that one was actually good", you rewarded him with a kiss before entering your flat with him. "I got a laugh out of you! Win for me!", he proudly exclaimed as you put the Shawarma Wraps on the kitchen counter.

"The food smells amazing", Cyno remarked. "I know right?", you grinned and gave him fingerguns, "it's a meal you simply can't Cyno to." He stared at you for a second before the punchline dawned on him. "You get it, what makes this joke funny is a wordplay of the words 'say no' and your name-", you explained. Cyno was basically wheezing at this point. You grinned, imagining the reactions of the other matra if they saw him like this. "God, I love you", Cyno whispered and pulled you close, kissing you once again. He even let out another chuckle as he was kissing you. You buried a hand in his hair and wrapped the other around his waist, beginning to gently draw circles onto his back with your fingertips which made Cyno sigh into the kiss and melt into your embrace. His tongue circled around yours and his hand held your cheek as he poured all the love he felt for you into his kiss.

You parted from him with a smile on your face. "Cyno, the- mmph", your words were cut off by Cyno once again pressing his lips to yours. You kissed him back for half a minute before pushing him away gently. "The food is going to get cold", you chuckled, "man that joke really landed, huh?" "The archons blessed me with such a wonderful significant other with a fantastic sense of humor", he linked his fingers with yours on the kitchen table as you were getting ready to have lunch. "I'm sure plenty of people would disagree with that, Cyno", you laughed before enjoying your Shawarma Wrap with him in silence.

The first time Cyno heard you make a dad joke was probably the moment he fell for you. It was your very first Genius Invokation TCG game night with Tighnari, Cyno and Kaveh and the four of you had dinner together before playing the game. Tighnari had talked about how legends said, that sometimes due to the Dendro Archons power, when someone in Sumeru was suffering, the forest would be there to comfort them. "The plants in the Apam Woods have actually been shown to respond to their surroundings, including the emotions of peop- y/n what are you laughing about?", Tighnari raised his eyebrows at you snickering across the table, "what's so funny?"

It took you a while to catch your breath before you whispered under your breath: "Oh my god....they photosympathize...."

It was the first time you heard Cyno laugh. Not a polite chuckle, like he usually let out when he was amused, but the General Mahamatra straight up snorted and started wheezing next to you while Tighnari was shaking his head in disappointment. "Out. Both of you. Get out of my house", Tighnari joked and buried his head in his hands. But you hardly registered that, as you were too busy staring at the man next to you, noticing how his laugh was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. Feeling the urge to make him smile everytime you saw him. Up until now, none of that had ever faded. Your love for him only grew with every day you spent with him.

"I love you so much", you told him and put your hand over his after you had finished your Shawarma Wrap. "There's Tahini sauce all over your hands", Cyno commented dryly pulling his hand away to wash it. "It was a gift", you mused and followed him. "Wonderful. I feel so blessed", he replied sarcastically, pulling you back into his arms after you had washed the sauce off your own hands.

You cupped his face with one hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?", you smiled at him. "You tell me everyday", he reminded you, but it was evident that it still made him a little flustered, "I believe we have a novel to read." He got a big blanket from the drawer and wrapped it around the two of you as you were sitting on the couch and you were leaning against his chest, closing your eyes as his fingers gently ran up and down your back.

Cyno began reading the new Genius Invokation TCG novel to you and you loved how soft his voice sounded. Occasionally, you would interrupt to discuss several important plot points and express your feelings about the story.

"I can't believe they just killed this character off that early in the story", Cyno was baffled. "I'm an emotional mess", you hid your face in Cyno's neck and he gave you a headpat. "Shh, I'm sure they'll avenge him. Also there's still a chance he might come back with the super rare revival card."

You got through about a quarter of the novel before tiredness settled in and Cyno noticed you slowly falling asleep in his arms. He put the book down and wrapped both of his arms around you, pressing multiple gentle kisses to your forehead. Well, he thought to himself, we can always continue reading the novel some other time.

After all, you had a whole life to share.

#genshin impact #cyno x reader #cyno x you #cyno x y/n #genshin cyno #cyno #genshin impact cyno

[umbrellatte]

Hi! I read your Five fic and I gotta say, I loved the concept. It was so interesting!

Anyway, I saw that your requests were open and I had this idea of a Five x Reader (or to be fair anyone really) based on Mans Zelmerlow's Fire in the rain. Not a song fic, but could be that as well. Anything is good. Thank you in advance if you decide to write it!💜

(here's the link to the song: https://youtu.be/Vfnl71BRvhI )

i loved the song! I gotta say, as soon as i saw it, i decided to write this! i'm very happy and always excited to write the requests of others seeing as it makes them happy, so enjoy this, dear! for everyone, feel free to request! prompt list linked on my pinned post!

Fire In The Rain | F. Hargreeves

fic type: song fic (fire in the rain, måns zelmerlöw)

lyrics: It's because of love we're standing here today

pairings: five hargreeves x fem!reader

synopsis: it's the day of your simple, small wedding with five. you recall your memories and basically sum it up as a promise to make more of them as a vow.

notes: five did time travel, he did see the apocalypse, but was able to return as soon as he saw the date, therefore making him the same age as everyone else, including yourself. this is the case in all my fics unless stated otherwise. in this fic, they are all 24 years old, therefore it is 2013.

disclaimer: five is above 18 in all my fics unless stated otherwise! in this fic, the wedding ceremony thing is included, and i don't know much about it, so forgive me if the information or other stuff is incorrect. and let's just pretend they met lila along the way.

You walk down the aisle, wearing your white, simple but elegant wedding dress and [hairstyle], tears in your eyes, with your grandfather as the one to walk you down the aisle. On the other end, Five, with his white suit, slicked hair and all, had tears, threatening to spill from his eyes, but as soon as you were in good view, they fell.

“Need a hanky?” his best man, Klaus, had said. (no one can change my mind, klaus and five grew closer after he returned). For this day, Five didn't feel the need to hide. To hide that he was madly in love and yes, in need of a handkerchief. “Yes. Thank you very much.” said the groom, as his best man hands the said object.

Time had passed and now, it was time for the vows, and the Pogo (stfu, he didn't die okay in s1, i will not accept that), your officiator, asks, “Would you like the traditional vows, or have you prepared one for today?”

You look at each other, and as always, you already had the same idea. “We'd like to say our own vows please.” you said, speaking for you both. “Alright, I'll let you two do your thing, starting with the groom, then the bride.”

He takes a breath. “[Name], I- I'm a huge ass, i know. I don't even know how on earth you love a man like me.” you frown a bit, mainly because he didn't know what you loved from him, but it was acceptable, he did spend his life knowing nothing but hatred from his father. “But I've come to terms that I'll never understand it, no matter how infuriating it is considering my tendency to want to know, and just move forward, loving you. I want to be the one to make you happy, for as long as I live. And being here today, is the beginning of that. I vow to be your best friend, partner, wife and soulmate. I vow to hold you, and protect you with every breath i have. I vow to love you, my darling. Always.”

You smile, and laugh endearingly, and wipe your tears falling out of your eyes with your handkerchief, dabbing them away. “I love you so much, Five. Do you remember that time when this man had asked me for my number? It was about, 2 years ago, 3 months after we began to date. The man asked if we could go out, get to know each other, have my number because i was seemingly nice. You were so jealous that day, and i told you, “Five, i love you and only you.” Looking back, i can see we've grown closer because of that. Because of the love and honesty of that love we showed that day, we are here. You, it was jealousy and the fear of losing me, which showed you cared. Me, i told you i loved you, and just you. Up until now, that remains true. Love, Five. It's why we're here today, and I'm wearing this uncomfortable dress,” everyone laughs, “and why you're wearing that ridiculous suit, something i know you would never wear. Five, i love you. I always will, and I vow to be your home, to always be beside you in every sense possible, there will not be a day I live and even after that, that I won't love you.”

Pogo smiles at the both of you, proud to see how one of the kids he had raised, was getting married to such a beautiful, loving woman, and he was officiating it. “Those were wonderful vows, now if the bearer could bring me the rings, that would be wonderful.” Pogo said, as Allison helped her daughter Claire, to bring the rings to him. “Thank you dear.”

He looks to Five, pauses for a moment, then looks at you. “Do you, Five Hargreeves, take [First and Last Name] to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

Five bears a serious, but soft look. “I do.”

“Do you, [First and Last Name], take Five Hargreeves to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Pogo says, with you replying, “I do.” you laugh, cry and said at the same time. “Alright, go on then, put the rings on, lovebirds!” Lila called out. You laugh, putting your left hand out, as Five gracefully slipped the ring on your finger. He did the same, aa you slipped his ring on his left ring finger. “I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!”

Five leans over, grabs your face and you share a loving, gentle yet passionate kiss. “WOOHOO!” you heared Klaus shout, everyone else cheering and clapping. “Congratulations, you two!” Viktor calls out, overlapping Diego's cheering. You both blocked their shouting, hollering and clapping, as you shared your first kiss as husband and wife, knowing you'll always love each other.

#the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreaves x reader #five hargreeves #x reader #five x reader #klaus hargreeves #pogo tua #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #claire hargreeves #ben hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #luther hargreeves #latte's posts 🌹

[whats-k-popping]

A Recipe for Disaster

Summary: He felt totally fine before Namjoon came over. And the only thing he ate while Namjoon was there was the food he prepared. He knows it's not from eating too much. He's eaten more in single meals than he ate all day today. So there must have been something wrong with it. 

Pairing: Namkook - Platonic but open interpretation

Words: 3603

Warnings: Emeto || Graphic Descriptions of Vom!ting || Food Poisoning || Fever || Public Vom!ting || Character Guilt

Inspiration: "Would it be possible for you to write a story where JK gets sick because of Namjoon’s cooking and then Namjoon feels bad about it and takes care of him." - Received this request in my messages from a lovely user who requested to remain anonymous. <3 You are a beautiful soul and I hope you enjoy the fic! Also inspired by Jungkook's birthday because that is today! Happy Jungkook Day!

See Also: @sicjimin recently posted a very similar fic to the same request. It can be found here. I always enjoy her work and it's such a pleasure to read! Please make sure to check out her take on the prompt as well! <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook wouldn't say it's been a bad birthday. Not by a long shot. He only had a brief solo schedule in the morning and has been enjoying the rest of the day to himself. He spent most of the day at home, enjoying his free time. 

He would have gone to visit his family, but he knows he has an early schedule the next day. Which doesn't leave him a lot of time to travel all the way down to Busan, spend time with his family, and travel back to Seoul by morning. So he's made arrangements to celebrate with them over the weekend. Thankfully, he has a full three consecutive days off. That never happens. 

Throughout the day, several members stop by before, between, or after their various schedules. They all came bearing gifts and sweet sentiments for his birthday. Spending time with their precious maknae and cursing at him for getting older. Reminiscing of when he was only 15, wide eyed and painfully shy. Jungkook jokes with them, they say the same things every year. 

It's almost 8 PM and the only member who hasn't stopped by is Namjoon. He figures the BTS leader has been working non-stop. He keeps saying he'll be next to debut. They all let him think so. At least Namjoon had the courtesy to text him early in the day. 

Jungkook's casually browsing his DVD collection when there's a knock at the door. A quick peek reveals it's Namjoon. Jungkook really didn't think he'd come so late at night. But he's not upset at all. He quickly opens the door and lets the leader in. He eyes Namjoon's hand in curiosity as he walks in and kicks off his shoes. 

"Happy Birthday, Jungkook-ah," Namjoon greets and holds out a container for Jungkook to take. "25 looks good on you." 

"I look the same as I did yesterday, hyung." Jungkook accepts the container graciously. He holds it close to his chest while they walk to the kitchen. The contents are still warm. Namjoon fills the short walk with apologies and excuses. He claims he didn't have time to shop for a gift and didn't have any time earlier in the day to pay him a visit. To be fair, Jungkook does live a good distance away from the company building. That was kind of the idea.

"It's homemade beef gukbap." Namjoon smiles shyly when Jungkook opens the container. He quickly reads the skeptical expression on Jungkook's face. Namjoon's cooking has been less than edible in the past. "I've actually been taking cooking lessons in my spare time. Since we're living alone now, I don't want to eat take out all the time. So I've been cooking a lot more." The leader explains, hoping to ease Jungkook's concern. 

"And you haven't made yourself sick?" Jungkook asks, no humor to his tone. 

"Okay, maybe like twice." Namjoon's honesty is always admirable. Jungkook laughs. "But most of the time, I get it right. I've made this before and it was really good." 

Jungkook pulls out a clean pair of chopsticks and digs in, "Okay. I'll trust you, hyung." He picks up a large chunk of beef, "Thank you for the meal." 

It's actually not bad. The maknae quickly goes back for more. And soon the container is empty, even slurping up every last drop of broth. Namjoon smiled proudly when Jungkook finished it off. "I never thought I'd say this, but you can cook for me anytime, hyung." Jungkook smiles. 

"I'm glad you liked it. I know it's one of your favorite dishes." Every dish is Jungkook's favorite dish. 

"Do you wanna maybe stay a bit, and hang out? I was about to watch a movie before you showed up." Jungkook asks, walking back to the living room. 

"I don't wanna stay too late. We do have a taping tomorrow. Maybe just one movie." He follows.

"Spiderman?" There's a small pout on Jungkook's lips. Namjoon rolls his eyes, they've watched all the Spiderman movies probably 100 times. But it's Jungkook's birthday, so Namjoon gives in without any argument. 

After one movie (Jungkook tries to rally the leader for a second, but Namjoon puts his foot down), Namjoon leaves for the night. Jungkook starts his evening routine with a wide smile. He couldn't have asked for a better birthday. Sleep and sweet dreams find him easily when he lays down. 

Unfortunately, he wakes up only a few hours later to an aggressive rumbling in his stomach. He tries to ignore it, turning over and squeezing his eyes shut. He can still sleep for three more hours. He wants to sleep for three more hours. 

But the rumbling turns to churning and the churning turns to a burning nausea that demands his attention. Any hope of sleep is gone. He sprints from his bed to his bathroom and curls himself around the toilet basin as thick waves of vomit shoot out of him. It's relentless. No matter how much he throws up, there's always somehow more. He doesn't even want to lean away from the toilet because each heave comes without warning. 

He's confused. He didn't even eat that much today. He had a coffee with Jimin in the morning. And Hoseok brought him a cake, he ate a few bites of that. Got some take-out with Yoongi. And then Namjoon's gukbap. 

Namjoon. He felt totally fine before Namjoon came over. And the only thing he ate while Namjoon was there was the food he prepared. He knows it's not from eating too much. He's eaten more in single meals than he ate all day today. So there must have been something wrong with it. 

Jungkook hates to come to that conclusion. Because he knows Namjoon was proud of his cooking. He was proud to share it with Jungkook. And the maknae had even praised it in the moment. He knows how hard Namjoon worked just for him. But it's the only thing that makes sense. 

The early prickling chill of fever seals the deal. It's food poisoning. Succumbing to the self-made diagnosis, he groans miserably as another wave of vomit pours out of him. He spits over and over to try to get the taste out of his mouth. He can't even bring himself to get tap water, the sink feels so far away. 

Once this round ends, he drops his head onto the toilet seat trying to remember the last time he cleaned the bathroom. He doesn't care, won't pick his head up either way. But any thought to distract him from the endless nausea and painful cramps inside of him. 

It continues in waves for the rest of the night. Jungkook can't even close his eyes without heaving. He doesn't know how long it's been until he hears his cell phone alarm start to blast from beside his bed. It's 6:30. He needs to start getting ready for his schedule.

The only thing he has for the day is a Run BTS taping. But who knows how long that could take. They never brief them on the episode until the day of. It's both a blessing and a curse. It means that all their reactions are 100% genuine when they are told the games. But also does not help them know how to prepare. 

He prays it will be something easy, like board games or computer games. Something that doesn't require a lot of movement or motion. He's not sure how he'll manage to get through the taping, but he knows he won't last if it's something physical. He can barely hold his head up. 

Despite throwing up for hours, he still feels the lingering urge to vomit at any second. He feels uncomfortably unwell. But he's a professional. He can’t just call in sick. So he forces himself to get ready. He gets his ass to the agreed upon location and he's ready to get it over with. On the drive over, he prays that it'll be an easy episode

He's the last member to get on set. And he's technically late. But it's really not his fault. He had to pause his morning routine 4 times to be sick. That's also four extra trips to the sink to brush his teeth. The members are a little disappointed when he stumbles his way to the briefing, but they don't say anything about it. 

Jungkook's heart sinks when the director explains the concept. It's a team cooking competition. Cooking foreign recipes. Using foreign ingredients. He really doesn't think he can handle being around food today, especially foreign foods. But he's going to try his best. 

He receives several concerned comments from the stylists and he just jokingly flirts it off. He lies, telling them he's just a bit hungover from a night of partying for his birthday. Several of the younger stylists giggle at that. He believes he's getting away with it and asks them for their patience in making him look presentable. More giggling follows. The team of stylists blush and assure him that he will look perfect for the recording. 

When one of the stylists is working on his hair, she stops midway through separating his part. "Jungkook-ssi. I think you have a fever. Should I call for a medical staff?" She whispers to him, not wanting to draw any attention.

He looks back at her with pleading eyes, "Please don't tell anyone, noona. I'm okay." 

She thinks about it for a minute, putting her hand back on his forehead to feel for a more accurate reading. After a minute, she nods and agrees to keep his secret. He doesn't seem too delirious or anything. So he'll probably be fine to record. She finishes fixing his hair. 

After all of the stylists are done with him, he makes his way to the set with the rest of the members. He makes a slight detour to run off to the bathroom when he feels a familiar warm feeling creeping up his throat. It's hard trying to control his vomit while simultaneously trying not to ruin his face, but he manages. He has to empty all the reserve strength he has left to bend at the waist over the toilet seat so his mouth is directly over the basin. His hands grip tightly to the rails along the stall to keep him standing for the whole ordeal. When he opens his mouth in conjunction with a deep gag, the thick sick pours directly into the bowl. He manages to keep any from dribbling down his chin. After four productive heaves, he jerks with two more dry ones before snapping himself back into character. 

Once he finishes, he slowly sucks on some mints he's keeping in his pockets to mask the smell. He doesn't have time to go through the whole ordeal of brushing his teeth again. Everyone is waiting for him on set. He hurries to join them. 

The rest of the members are visibly unimpressed with him for being late and running off unannounced, so he doesn't say anything. He just joins them on set again and avoids their side glares. He pretends he doesn't hear Jimin's sarcastic "nice of you to finally join us." But it stings like acid. He wishes he could just tell them he’s not well. But that the unprofessional thing to do. 

He keeps a hand on his stomach, rubbing casually, while the director explains how they are going to assign teams. It's a determining game of Kai Bai Bo that lands him on a team with Namjoon, who also stuck out a scissors gesture. Yoongi, Taehyung and Jin all revealed paper. And Hoseok and Jimin chose rock. 

With teams decided, it was time to choose an international dish. Three covered metal trays appear before them, each one hiding a different meal to prepare. The paper team has hyung privilege and are allowed to choose first. Taehyung does the honors and grabs the tray in the center. Namjoon chooses the tray to the left for their team, which leaves Hoseok and Jimin with the right tray. 

When the covers are lifted, Jungkook's face visibly falls. Shutki Maach, a spicy traditional Bengali dish. He loves spicy food any other day. But today, he was hoping for something a little more bland. South Asian cuisine is known for its ample use of strong flavors and varied spices. Even standing so far away from the dish, he can smell the spicy aroma overpowering any scent the other dishes might give off. 

Speaking of, he looks over to the other trays and immediate feelings of envy fill his chest. In the middle tray, there's a dish of lasagna and some roasted vegetables. And on the right is an Irish stew. Not only do they look easier to prepare, but they also have much less powerful aromas, and probably much less potent flavors. He thinks about asking the director to switch teams. 

But they’re still taping. Namjoon brings the finished dish to their station so they can look at it more closely. Jungkook has to step back, swallowing down the urge to gag. He gulps hard trying to keep his stomach at bay. He’s biting on his tongue to try and keep his expression neutral for the cameras. While they're watching the instructional video on how to prepare the dish, Jungkook feels a greater nausea turn in his stomach. Spicy peppers, garlic, onions, turmeric, chili powder. There's not a single mild ingredient. 

Namjoon offers to prepare the Shutki and suggests Jungkook chop the vegetables. The maknae agrees. He rewatches the video and picks out all the ingredients he'll need. Before he starts chopping, he takes a deep breath hoping that will help him keep his stomach in check. But when Namjoon opens the bag of dried Shutki, he audibly gags. The smell is so potent, it doesn't take long for it to overwhelm their small work station. Jungkook only now realizes that shutki is a dried fish dish. 

“Kook-ah, you’ve gotta smell this.” Namjoon brings the bag with him as he approaches the focused maknae. He practically shoves Jungkook’s nose into it. Jungkook’s known for his stomach of steel. Namjoon doesn’t think he’d be so affected by the smell. But Jungkook crouches down behind the kitchen counter and gags. 

They aren’t the same kind of humorous and entertaining joking gags that Namjoon had, they are loud and deep and eventually going to be productive. Each deep breath Jungkook tries to take just fills his lungs with the aromas of the garlic, onions and peppers he had been chopping. And he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to erase the smell of the Shutki from his nose. 

After gagging for what feels like hours, Jungkook heaves a mouthful of sick onto the floor. It's followed by more deep heaves, wave after wave of stomach contents spilling onto the set. It's still chunky and Jungkook lets tears fall. There's no way he still has food in his stomach, he has been vomiting for hours.  Where are the chunks coming from?  

Namjoon hears the splash onto the linoleum flooring and yells for the director to stop shooting immediately. He kneels down beside the still vomiting maknae. Namjoon immediately blames himself for making Jungkook smell the Shutki. He starts apologizing. 

When Jungkook finally stops gagging long enough for a decent breath, he leans against Namjoon. Namjoon holds him, starting to think this episode was more than just a reaction to the Shutki smell. Jungkook realizes now there's a small audience around his workstation, looking down at him with sympathetic eyes. He hates that. They weren't all so sympathetic when he was struggling out the gate. "'T's not your fault." His voice is grating and slurred. "I was sick overnight. The smells just triggered it again." 

"But we were…and you didn't…how?" Namjoon stutters pointlessly for a few more seconds, unable to form a coherent sentence. But Jungkook watches as the leader's whole expression falls, "Was it the food I made for you?" 

Jungkook doesn't have the heart, or energy, to answer. But the silence speaks volumes. No answer gives the answer. 

Namjoon pulls Jungkook into his arms, hugging him with just the right amount of pressure. "I'm so sorry, Jungkook-ah. I didn't mean to make you so sick!" Namjoon apologizes, "I didn't taste any before serving it to you. I should have just picked up some take out." Namjoon rambles on and on with remorseful apologies. 

"You didn't know, Joon." Jungkook burps. "It was the thought that counts, right. I'm still so happy you cooked for me." It hurts to be sick, but it hurts Jungkook more to watch Namjoon beat himself up about it. "Once it's out of my system, I'll be good as new." 

The director interrupts their moment to ask for an update. He asks if Jungkook will be able to resume the taping. It's a unanimous no from all the members. Some are even offended the director had the nerve to ask. They leave the reschedule up to management and all head their separate ways, eager to get a head start on other schedules. 

Everyone parts, with the exception of Namjoon and Jungkook. Namjoon still feels responsible for Jungkook's condition. And he wants to take responsibility by making sure the maknae is going to be okay. 

When Jungkook is finally able to move his own two feet, Namjoon escorts them to a company car. He wishes he could just drive Jungkook's car, but alas, still no license. He orders the driver to take them both to Jungkook's home. Jungkook dozes off before the car leaves the parking lot. 

He wakes up in his bed, which initially startles him. He doesn’t remember getting home. He does, however, remember getting sick on the set. He remembers the odor of fish. And he remembers Namjoon. Just as Jungkook pieces together the events of the unsuccessful taping, Namjoon enters the room with a tray. “Good, you’re awake.” Namjoon greets, setting the tray aside momentarily. 

“How long was I asleep?” Jungkook slurs. He tries to shimmy out of the covers, but Namjoon tucked him in so tight and he’s got barely any energy. 

“About two hours,” Namjoon puts a hand on his forehead. The leader’s hand is cool against his too warm forehead. Jungkook loves it. “You were out cold the whole drive back. I couldn’t wake you if I tried. So I figured your body needed the sleep.” The leader explains as he pulls his hand away. Jungkook misses it already, “Still a bit feverish. I want to give you some medicine, but it might upset your stomach.” 

Jungkook pouts at the mention of medicine. He doesn’t like to take it, especially if his stomach is already upset. “No medicine.” 

“I know. Not until you eat something first.” Namjoon goes back to the tray, bringing over a bowl of jook. Jungkook eyes it skeptically. “It’s from the convenience store! I swear I didn’t cook it.” 

Jungkook can hear the sarcastic humor in Namjoon’s voice, but can’t shake the very real possibility that guilt is eating Namjoon alive. He knows Namjoon’s nursing him out of guilt, and he doesn’t want to be an ungrateful patient. So he accepts the bowl and takes a few spoonfuls. He only manages a quarter of the bowl before his stomach warns him to stop. As soon as he sets the bowl aside, Namjoon puts a small cup of liquid medicine in his hand. “This might help settle your stomach. I found it in your medicine cabinet.” Jungkook doesn’t remember ever buying it. 

“It’s not expired, is it? I don’t know how I’ve had it.” Namjoon’s eyes widen and he runs out of the room. He returns seconds later with the blue bottle in hand and nearly out of breath. 

“It’s still good. Hasn’t expired yet.” Namjoon replies and Jungkook gulps down the medicine, just wanting to get it over with. The liquid leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and his stomach gurgles in immediate complaint. His face is pinched in dissatisfaction while he rubs a hand over his middle. 

Namjoon notices Jungkook’s discomfort. He leaves the room again, much slower this time, and returns with a heating pad. Jungkook wonders how Namjoon knows the layout of his house so well, but he’s not about to question it. Maybe everyone keeps their heating pads under the bathroom sink? 

“This might help,” Namjoon’s voice is so soft and gentle as he plugs in the heating pad, making sure it reaches Jungkook’s stomach, with enough give so he can turn on his side. “Your stomach must be hurting. I’m so sorry that you got sick because of me.” Namjoon apologizes again, even though Jungkook has already forgiven him. He was never really mad in the first place. In addition to the heating pad, Namjoon starts to rub his stomach as well. It’s a comfortingly human gentle presence on his skin. He hopes Namjoon won’t stop. 

Jungkook asks to watch a movie with Namjoon while he tries to fall asleep. “Iron Man?” 

“1, 2 or 3?” Namjoon asks, though he already suspects the answer. 

“All of them?” His big doe eyes looking up at the leader. Namjoon’s silent for a remarkably long time before Jungkook pouts and speaks again. “Isn’t it your fault that I’m sick? Remember? The least you could do is watch some movies with me.” 

Namjoon huffs, giving the most obvious eye roll, “You’re so lucky you’re cute.” He replies as he snuggles into the bed beside Jungkook. The maknae is already pulling up a streaming app.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: As always, thanks for reading to the end! I really appreciate each and every one of you who make it this far! Feedback is always appreciated. And please let me know if I missed any tags or TWs. Please call me out for any errors you notice!

#bts #bts sickfic #bts food poisoning #sick!Jungkook #caretaker!Namjoon #bts canonverse #bts emeto #bts fever #tw food poisoning #tw emeto #tw fever #public vomiting #aki sickfic #aki writes #aki requests #happyjkday

[mattress-ing]

spotify ask game: 56, time!

I’m going to commit to >1k words for your drabble. Time is a good guess! Feel free to send an ask for what you're looking for and I'll see what I can do!

This song was actually added to my playlists because I had a mini fic moment in mind already but it wasn’t fitting in with any projects I was posting so I didn’t write it until now. (In the same timeline as Brothers: Verb: To Reflect With Violent Honesty)

JRWI Drey Ferin mini character study, contains mild spoilers from up to episode 112, mentions of guns, >600 words

Captain Beau sits Drey down rather firmly.

The captains quarters are normally cozy and welcoming, strange for a pirate ship but fitting to Beau. Now, it’s hard to feel anything but shame under the context of his actions, and Drey finds it difficult to relax his uneasy shoulders. He doesn’t apologize, just sits and waits for blame.

Jayson had been there on the dock. Drey had, for one moment, looked him in the eyes and felt entirely justified. He’s a pirate now, forging his own path, he doesn’t have to care what his brother thinks.

Then Jayson opened his mouth and it all went out the window as Drey dropped his shoulder and charged him.

It wasn’t a long fight. Jayson has been stronger than him for years, and Drey didn’t take the opportunity to go for his gun when it appeared.

Beau motions towards his gun and Drey sets it on the table obediently, long past behind afraid to be without it in his presence. “Tell me about it.”

Drey cringes at himself when confusion precedes relief. Still expecting rejection even after over a year of being met with only compassion.

It takes him a few moments to begin to explain. He didn’t fight as hard as he could even after promising the crew he would. He opens and closes his mount a few times before landing on, “He’s my brother. It-“ it feels silly to say it, but the captain understands the importance of honesty and impresses it upon his crew, “It’s his daughter’s birthday tomorrow.”

Beau just nods and sits back. Quiet but open, his eyes still full of trust.

“I’m feel like I shouldn’t just shoot him, if only for that.” Guilt pulls at him from every direction, hurt his brother, hurt the crew, hurt himself. Every path hurts his family. Why is it there are no options without casualties?

Sitting forward, Beau pulls an envelope out from his coat. “He sent you this. I’m sorry. It was a while ago, and I hid it from you.”

Drey's heart sinks. Both at the Captain’s lie and at the seal of the letter. Official. Crisp even after days at sea. He's being disowned. Formally.

“I-“ He shakes his head, reaching for the letter. He wants nothing more than to shrink away from it but he holds his head as high as he would in front of Jayson. “I think I know what this is.”

Beau nods again. “Me too.” His grip on the letter is firm but after a gentle tug he relents, “that’s why I wanted to hide it.”

They both sit quietly. Drey fingers the seal of the envelope but doesn’t open it.

“Finn cast anti-magic on him just then.” Beau says quietly. “He wasn’t going to be pulling his punches like you.” There’s a quiet you don’t deserve to be treated like that that lingers in the air. The sentence seems ever present when he talks to Beau about his family.

They sit in quiet again. And Drey finally opens the envelope, reading the letter and then rereading it when he blinks the mist from his vision.

“You’re stuck between two, Drey." Beau puts one hand on the letter and one on his pistol, "The hope that your family changes for the better and allows you to stay, or the hope for the independence you could gain if you leave and burn the ship you left on. Neither hope is safe. And there will never be a time that feels right to take either path.”

Drey opens his mouth but is cut off as Beau takes the letter, writing something on the back.

“-you don’t have to know now. And you don’t have to choose now. But I can see that the indecision is drowning you. So when you know which one you’re going to shoot for,” he pushes Drey’s pistol and the amended letter back towards him, “I’d better see you shoot that shit.”

#spotify wrapped #jrwi drey #jrwi riptide #you too could get a free drabble for your fic needs #it's my pinned post

[m34gs]

For the ask game how about A8, B6, and C7 :3c

Thank you for the ask! :D (from this post)

A.8: What was your first fandom? Are you still in that fandom now?

Honestly: The Chronicles of Narnia. My mother started reading the books to my sister and I when we were children. I remember we shared a bedroom at the time, and it would be our story before bed. She also read Anne of Green Gables to us this way.

I still enjoy Narnia, but I haven't read it in a long time and I have not kept up with any movies or any current fandom things. Never read a single fanfic for it, in all honesty, because that was before I knew fanfic was a thing. But I really loved any art or merchandise that I came across as a child, even if I never really was able to buy any at the time. I have very fond memories of the series and I hope if I ever have children that maybe I can read it to them when they're little.

B.6: What is your favourite story trope? Why?

FOUND FAMILY. BECAUSE. YES.

Lol, but in seriousness, yes I love Found Family. It's the strength of bonds between people, the way they go 'we may not be blood relatives but we are here for you', the way they protect each other, the way they support each other, the way it validates the fact that sometimes the family you're born into is not the one you fit into. Not to get too much into my own tragic backstory but damn if I didn't cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking I was the only one who didn't feel safe in my own family; feeling trapped by all the stories that push the narrative of 'it doesn't matter what they did, family has to stick together' or 'no matter how close you are, blood comes first'. No. Screw that. I'll take my Found Family over Forced Familial Loyalty any day and EVERY day. Like, don't get me wrong, I have love for many of my relatives, I just feel that there's something about the found family that is special and no one will ever take that from me, and that is why it's a trope so near and dear to my heart.

C.7: Who is your NOTP?

Oh boy. My answer may throw me to the metaphorical wolves...lol

Well. Honestly. I would have to say.

Sasuke/Naruto, from Naruto and Naruto Shippuden.

I really despise the pairing. I feel like Sasuke doesn't do any reconciliation for his actions at all, and so I don't really get the appeal of the ship. Especially when Naruto has literally dozens of other characters that he easily has 10000 times more romantic tension and chemistry with. I also just don't like Sasuke as a character. I just don't, and that's all there is to it. And that's ok, because everyone is allowed to like or dislike whatever characters and ships they want. :)

Thanks again for the ask, friend! I had fun answering, and I hope you enjoy the answers! Feel free to tell me your own opinions too; I love hearing what you think 💜

#asks #reader ask game #for fun #snake #mutuals #feel free to ask more if you like

[thesquidkid]

there's nothing simpler than love

An anatsobel fix it post 4x04. If you are not interested, feel free to skip this post 😁

I thought that both Anatsa and Isobel deserved better than what the writers gave them, so I wrote it myself. This is now part of a series of fics around Anatsa and Isobel, both within canon (i.e. before 4x04) and disregarding canon.

Enjoy! 😁 (Read it on ao3)

"So, what do you say, cowgirl? Hmm? Will you ride off into the sunset with me?"

Isobel balanced herself on the ball of her feet, swinging backwards and forwards, waiting for Anatsa to react. The truth was, she was the most nervous she had ever been. She had played this very scenario in her head countless times, each coming to a different end. She looked at Anatsa, and waited. 

Anatsa took a deep breath, looking straight at Isobel, and took a step forward. It wasn't much, they were still standing in the middle of the road, but it made Isobel hold her breath, her eyes never leaving Anatsa. 

"This rollercoaster we are on, it's been more than I can handle. My heart is broken, Isobel,” Anatsa said, smiling sadly at her. 

“It's not that I don't love you, it's just... for me, love can't be this complicated.”

Isobel didn't move, despite how much she wanted to. She wiped her hands on her hoodie nervously, "I know, I should have been honest with you a long time ago, and I am so, so sorry." 

"And I promise you, our relationship will not be complicated anymore." Isobel continued, "If you just go with me to the cave, I'll explain everything." 

She knew she sounded desperate, and she was. Anatsa had been the greatest person to ever enter her life, and she didn't want to let her go. She wanted to be honest with her, to bare herself naked in ways she had never done before, with anyone. 

She wanted to love and be loved fully, truly, for every part of her. Even the alien parts. 

"Okay," Anatsa said, and Isobel felt like she was breathing for the first time since the night of the St Elmo's fire. 

For the first time, she saw a future with Anatsa, who knew all about her. 

But a part of her was still scared. And that was the problem with baring yourself to someone. Because what if they didn't accept you. What if they didn't love you anymore. 

Despite all that, Isobel believed – or at least she tried to – that Anatsa would understand, and would not run away. 

She would have questions, sure. She was an intrepid journalist after all. But just like Lois Lane, she had found her alien. 

"But," Anatsa continued, crossing the distance to Isobel, and taking her hands in hers. "I have a condition." 

Isobel nodded, not trusting her own voice to answer. 

"We have to be honest with each other, Isobel. I know that sometimes with my work there are things I cannot tell you, and the same with you and your brother. I understand that." 

She took a deep breath, looking at Isobel. She smiled at her reassuringly, before continuing.

"But I need to know that we can trust each other. And that starts with honesty." 

Isobel rubbed her thumbs over the back of Anatsa's hands. "I completely agree." 

"After you'll see what's in the cave, I'll tell you everything. And then, it'll be your choice. Whether you want to date me or not." 

Anatsa frowned at that, "And what exactly am I going to see in the cave? Because the way you say it seems a little creepy, if you ask me." 

Isobel laughed, "No, no, I swear there's nothing creepy. Well –" she stopped herself, her eyes becoming sad and angry. 

She forced a smile to Anatsa, "Just, please, trust me for a little bit longer. Then, the choice will be all yours." 

"I trust you." 

They walked away, their cars still on the side of the road. Isobel led the way, only slightly in front of Anatsa, their hands brushing at every step. 

They walked in silence, Anatsa thinking of what Isobel could have to show her in a cave – and later on she'll realise that nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. 

Isobel thought of Noah, and of what she had done to Anatsa, just a few nights ago. Wasn't that the mere definition of creepy? Invading someone's privacy, taking away their free will. 

Isobel swore to herself that, after she had told Anatsa everything, if she wanted to leave, to have nothing to do with aliens, Isobel would let her go. 

Despite the pain she knew it would cause, it would still be better than becoming Noah. Anatsa deserved a life she wanted to live, she deserved to be happy. 

Whether or not that was with Isobel. 

— 

"You're an alien," Anatsa said, breaking the silence that had followed after Isobel's revelations. Her tone was flat, merely stating an information. 

Before Isobel could even confirm, Anatsa widened her eyes. 

"Oh my God," she said slowly, "your brother is also an alien." 

Isobel scrunched her nose, "Yes, and I don't need to be reminded that the two of you…" 

She waved her hands in the air, indicating what had happened between them, that she most definitely didn't want to think about. 

"Sorry," said Anatsa, not quite looking like it. 

"So," she continued, "you can move things with your brain, and read people's minds? That is pretty cool." 

She was smiling at Isobel, her back to the pods, and she reached out to take her hand, squeezing it tight, seeing that Isobel needed the reassurance that she wasn't going anywhere. 

"Cool, really?" Isobel repeated, baffled. "Even after I got inside your mind and –" 

"And I wanted to eat pad see ew and watch The Great British Bake Off?" 

She smiled at Isobel, "You said that you can only influence other people, right? Not completely control what they do." 

"I love eating Thai food in front of cooking shows. If I could, I would only do that in my life." 

Isobel sighed, "I lied to you, again and again. About Max and Cam, about this –" she waved at the cave they were in, and the pods, at herself – "and I don't want to lie to you ever again. But how can you be sure I am not lying to you right now?" 

Anatsa placed her hand on Isobel's cheek. "I don't think you realise how crazy this all sounds." 

She continued, this time her voice only a whisper. "It's too crazy to be invented." 

Isobel chuckled, "Yeah, it is pretty crazy." 

A weight had been lifted from her chest, and she had never felt more relieved and hopeful. For the first time, she had a shot at the life she wanted, with someone amazing like Anatsa, someone she loved more than she thought possible. 

"Besides," continued Anatsa, "it is kind of my job to tell when people are lying." 

She was smiling, and Isobel couldn't help but smile back. 

"And right now, Isobel Evans, you are not lying to me." 

Isobel, touched by Anatsa's trust, leaned in for a kiss, slowly, letting Anatsa back out if she wanted to. But she didn't, and they kissed, in a dark cave in the middle of the desert, lit only by the luminescence of three alien pods. 

"I love you, Anatsa Mufaro. And I am so, so sorry for having lied to you." 

Anatsa sighed, smiling at Isobel. "Just promise me you won't do it again?" 

And when Isobel nodded eagerly at her, promising she wouldn't lie to her again, Anatsa added, "I love you too, Isobel Evans." 

They kissed again, and this time, Isobel's hands slid to the back of Anatsa's head, deepening the kiss, while Anatsa's hands moved to Isobel's lower back, bringing her even closer. 

They broke apart, but stayed close. So close even, that when Anatsa spoke, Isobel could feel the air on her face. 

"I do have questions, however," Anatsa said, "but I think we'll have time later for them?" 

Isobel widened her eyes, and smiled softly, tears starting to appear in her eyes. Later. It meant that Anatsa wasn't going anywhere, that she was staying right here, in Roswell, with Isobel. 

That despite everything she had found out about Isobel, she wanted to stay and found out more. Not just out of journalistic curiosity, but of genuine interest, and love. 

"I'll tell you everything you want to know," promised Isobel. 

"Good," Anatsa smiled, rubbing her hands over Isobel's forearms. 

"But I do have one quick question," she continued, making Isobel raise an eyebrow, "since you can get inside people's minds, could you – ?" 

She was interrupted by Isobel who chuckled softly. "Babe," she then said, "you are an incredible, intelligent, intrepid journalist, and you definitely do not need me to do your job." 

Anatsa pouted, but couldn't help the smile at Isobel's compliments. 

"Well, speaking of my intrepidity then," Anatsa said, winking at Isobel, "how about you let me help in investigating the bank robbers?" 

Isobel sighed, "I really, really want to, but you need to know. This is very dangerous, and if you dig too deep, something could happen to you, and I don't want –" 

"Hey," Anatsa interrupted, continuing to rub her hands on Isobel's forearms, "my job can be dangerous, and not only because of alien bank robbers. I can take care of myself." 

"I know," Isobel breathed out, "but I don't want to lose you, Anatsa." 

"I promise you that I'll be careful."

Isobel looked at Anatsa in silence, debating with herself, but deciding, as she looked at her, that she wanted her by her side. And that Anatsa could be of invaluable help to the team.

And most importantly, she wanted to keep Anatsa safe, to protect her. And she was going to do that at all costs. 

"Okay," Isobel breathed out. She grabbed Anatsa's hand in hers, and took her phone. 

"Let's find Cam so she can tell you all the details." 

Using Find My Friends, she located Cam's phone a few miles away in the desert, and the two of them walked out of the cave and into the night, hand in hand, ready to face the Dark Triad, together. 

—

When they arrived at Cam's localisation, behind a large rock, Anatsa was the first to think that something may be wrong. Due to her expertise as a journalist, she had often found herself in situations where she needed to be quiet, and to always be on her guard. 

She grabbed Isobel’s hand, and slowed down their pace, placing her finger over her lips, indicating to Isobel to not make any noise. She looked around, both of them still walking towards the point on Isobel’s phone, Isobel looking at her screen, while Anatsa focused on her surroundings. 

Anatsa was also the first to see the body, Isobel being too focused on her screen. She stopped in her tracks, a small scream escaping her mouth, followed by Isobel who shouted Cam’s name. 

On the ground, at their feet, laid none other that Agent Jenna Cameron. 

“Cam!” shouted Isobel as she kneeled next to her shaking her head. 

Cam moved and groaned, using her hands to sit up. Anatsa kneeled too, and together with Isobel she helped Cam stand up. 

“Cam,” Isobel asked, “Have you always had blue eyes?” 

Cam and Anatsa went silent, before Cam slowly shook her head. Anatsa took a step back, her eyes wide, looking between Cam and Isobel like they had grown a second head. 

“What – how is this possible?” she asked, to no one in particular, as neither women present had any answers. 

“Welcome to Roswell, babe.” Isobel joked, but her face betrayed her worry and fear. 

Cam looked at Anatsa with a frown, then turned to Isobel. “Did you tell her?” 

After Isobel nodded, Cam continued speaking, her voice shaking, a frown on her face as she tried to remember the events. 

“The third alien,” she said, “I think they can shapeshift? I saw Eduardo, but it wasn’t Eduardo; he had blue eyes.” 

“Shapeshift?” repeated Anatsa, as a whisper. 

“So you’re saying that the third alien is now walking around with your face?” Isobel asked, panic clear in her voice. 

After Cam confirmed her question, she started running to her car, followed by Cam who had reached the same conclusion. 

“We need to find Max,” Isobel said. 

“Wait,” Anatsa shouted, before running after the two women. “Aliens can do what now?” 

As neither answered her, she shook her head and got into Isobel’s car, a smile on her face. Well, she thought, this was not going to lack in twists and action.

#i am still very disappointed in how the writers treated them #kybel definitely feels forced to me so i will ignore it #what is canon? #anatsa mufaro #isobel evans #roswell new mexico #rnm #rnm fic #anatsobel #thesquidkid writes

[indynerdgirl]

Tag 9 People You Want To Know Better

I was tagged by @anniesocsandgeneralstore. Thank you, my dear! 🥰

3 Ships: I literally have an entire armada of ships so it's basically impossible to pick just three. So here are the ones that I've been rereading my favorite fics for lately and that would be Ginny Baker/Mike Lawson (from Pitch AND YES I AM NOW AND FOREVER STILL SALTY ABOUT IT GETTING CANCELED), Darcy Lewis/Bucky Barnes, and Darcy Lewis/Steve Rodgers (look, Darcy is the MCU fandom bicycle, okay? I ship her with just about everyone in the MCU). (I figured it was kind of a given at this point that y'all already know about my brainrot that is my absolute love for Annie's OC, Ronnie Bradshaw & Jake Seresin in all of Annie's fantastic Top Gun: Maverick AUs, so that's why I didn't put them in that list. 😆)

1st Ever Ship: My first ever ship, before I even knew what shipping was, would have to be Laura Ingalls & Almanzo Wilder. I can't tell you how many times pre-teen & early teen me read These Happy Golden Years and wished for an Almanzo of my own. And my crush on Almanzo only grew as I read The First Four Years and later the Rose Wilder series of books about her & her parents (Laura & Almanzo) lives on their Rocky Ridge farm. My first ship once I knew what shipping was, would probably be Ron/Hermonie. I remember wanting Ron & Hermonie to get together in the books pretty quickly, but it really wasn't until HBP that I entertained the thought of Harry/Ginny (I remember being actually pretty bummed for Harry when Cho turned him down for the Yule Ball in GoF).

Last Song: Faeries by Mannheim Steamroller

Last Movie: New In Town - it's one of those movies that I will watch anytime. I can quote along with it and no matter how many times I've seen it, it never fails to make me laugh.

Currently Reading: I'm technically currently listening to the audiobook for The Women With Silver Wings: The Inspiring True Story of the Women Airforce Service Pilots of World War II by Katherin Sharp Landdeck. But it's probably been at least a month if not longer since I've listened to a chapter. I blame the copious amounts of fanfiction that I've been consuming lately. 😆 If we're talking fanfiction, I just started rereading Flyboy by @kryptonitejelly and rereading Sugar and Spice by @wombtotombx , along with my annual reread of @themonkeycabal 's Run Verse.

Currently Watching: The newest season of The Crown. I'm only a few episodes in right now.

Currently Consuming: Water and gum.

Currently Craving: Food? Pizza. Sad honesty? A bone crushing hug. I've realized this year that I am extremely touched starved. It took me a few years to realize this because four years ago I was working at a child care center with infants and toddlers, so I got all of the hugs and cuddles I needed all day long from my babies & kiddos at work. But the rest of my family isn't as touchy-feely as I am so I'm always the one that has to initiate any hugs or getting my younger siblings to cuddle with me on the couch while we watch tv or movies. I have become more vocal this year with my family about needing & wanting hugs, but I'm still that one that has to initiate them and they're never as long or as crushing as I want them to be.

No pressure tags (and feel free to post your own answers if you didn't get tagged, I just picked the first nine people on my dash!): @kryptonitejelly @themonkeycabal @iguana-braces @purple-purple-pink-purple @quo-nunc @i-ate-victor-hugos-brain @iamfitzwilliamdarcy @the-catholic-geek @bartonbones

#about me #tag games

[habeascoffee]

If it matters to anyone here, sorry for my absence. I got busy and didn’t really think about Tumblr.

Some time ago I posted about being interested in a couple women I work with. Well, I ended up falling for the redhead. (No surprise) The pisser is that she’s leaving the area. Moving, eventually, to NY. It seems she had some interest in me too. It sucks that she’s leaving and I’ve shed tears over this. (I haven’t cried over a person in years) But I support her taking her shot in NY and I truly hope she soars high. She is fully capable. She and I had a conversation about this. I would work with her anywhere, and I told her this. She told me the same thing. And she said that she would drop my name if the opportunity came up. I’m not going to hold my breath, because people say a lot of things they don’t necessarily mean, but I do hope to work with her again. She’s never given me a reason to doubt her honesty.

She’s an amazing person, and her energy is magical.

These last few years have been a sea change for me. It’s a lot to try and write down so I’ll try to sum it up.

I’ve been depressed for a really long time. It’s gotten worse over the years. Cancer really exacerbated it in 2012 and it’s steadily gotten even worse. These last few years have been really difficult. I can’t afford therapy or to fix medical issues (non lethal) that have been plaguing me. But, I’ve been reading and learning about mental health and how to try and right some of the wrongs I’ve been doing to myself.

Being around “Mo” was like bringing an old engine back to life. Her energy put fire back into the old cylinders. She makes me WANT to wake up and shake off the bullshit self-talk I’ve been feeding myself. Switching metaphors: that scene in the third Matrix movie where Trinity and Neo are flying into the heart of the machine world and breach the clouds for a brief moment. The sun fills the cabin of the ship and it’s beauty stuns Trinity. That’s what it felt like when I got to know “Mo”.

There’s so many aspects of this “shake up” that typing them would be a chore. Suffice to say that I want to live a life free from mental shackles. I need to abolish all the poisonous mental/societal garbage I was given as a child and teenager. Garbage people are still trying to feed me.

Therapy: it needs to happen. I need that ear that only a trained professional can provide.

Self-love: that adage about you can’t find real love until you love your self. I used to think, “yeah, whatever, dude”. Now I know it is absolutely true. It has everything to do with being able to accept love from others. Not just go through the motions but actually accepting it as something you deserve because you are human. You have to believe you are worthy, because you are.

I feel really stupid trying to give myself positive self-talk. But if I’m committed to rejecting garbage thoughts, that is also one of them. That feeling of stupidity.

I need these things for ME. Beyond “Mo”, beyond any significant other. I do these things because I want a “Mo” energy in my life. I want to be able to give her (whoever that may be) that same energy back. I want to live in that sunlit space above the clouds, free of the weight of the bullshit.

#personal #me

[farharbour]

it's not as detailed as i would have liked it to be but hi, here's jesse's first real reference in *checks notes* 5 years. deepest apologies for my small handwriting, it's incurable. everything is legible at full-size though so please click thru for optimal viewing :)

i've put a deep-dive into some of his personality & lore below, it's an abridged cut but it's still pretty long unforch. i just love him and can't shut up about anything ever in general. anyway:

name: jesse diresta nickname(s): jess, blue age: 30 at game start (b. 12/22/2046) star signs: cap sun (cusp) + pisces moon + virgo rising gender: trans guy (he/him) sexuality: bi / polyam race/ethnicity: white (italian) hair colour: dark brown eye colour: hazel affiliation: railroad (until post-game) occupation: doctor, researcher love interest: nick valentine other close friends: deacon, bec, curie, ellie, piper

SPECIAL: 4 6 3 4 8 2 1 (game start) / 5 8 5 6 10 4 2 (post-game) best skills: medicine, science, sneak worst skills: melee, repair, lockpick interesting perks: night owl, aqua boy, rad resistant combat style: stealth sniper (in-game i never use VATS, i think luck- and crit-based sniper builds are boring) favourite weapon: sniper rifle that chambers custom tranq darts other weapons: .308 sniper rifle, radium rifle, 10mm pistol, combat knife (just in case, he avoids close-combat at all costs)

hobbies: cooking, reading, engaging in intellectually stimulating conversation, running experiments in his "garage" at home plate, transcribing found holotapes (he's an information hoarder) favourite nuka cola flavor: nuka cherry favourite expletive: fuck most feared wasteland creature: feral ghouls most missed aspects of the pre-war world: hosting small dinner parties with teressa, swimming without having to worry about rads most cherished possession: his pre-war lab coat theme song: anthem (father john misty)

personality summary: an idealist, someone who thinks in terms of potential and seeks to help as many people as he can. has great ideas and the practical, patient nature to turn them into something real. has strong sense of integrity while still being open-minded enough to change his positions if need be. he comes off as warm, composed, and a little awkward. not great at expressing his feelings but he’s deeply emotional and sensitive at heart and someone people feel they can confide in. easy to be around and generally well-liked. a great teacher, he sees the potential for good in everyone and enjoys collaborating with and learning from others. deeply loyal to those he cares about and seeks to provide stability for those around him. quick to trust and quick to forgive, to a fault. a collected tactician but does not do well in time-sensitive situations due to his proclivity for procrastination and his tendency to freeze when under stress. severely preoccupied by death; this fear dictates a large part of his moral compass and seeps into everything he does. struggles with survivor's guilt and can be a bit overprotective of those he's close to.

morals: staunch pacifist. does not like killing unless it’s absolutely necessary and he sometimes goes to extremes because of it; he’d rather take the long way or wait until nightfall to go somewhere rather than risk getting into an altercation. even in saying that, he can live with a little blood on his hands if it means he won’t be drowning in a river of it later (he’s okay killing a few people to save the lives of hundreds). holds loyalty and honesty in high regard both in himself and in others. dedicated to his profession, even if he's more a lab researcher than front-facing doctor. strives to help others and prioritizes treatment over all else; he can't give his services for free all the time but he does meet people where they're at and will treat those who can't afford it at a reduced (or no) cost (a "pay what you can" thing).

jesse was born and raised in marquette, MI. his father was a hardass ex-marine drill instructor and growing up he spent a lot of time learning survival training from him. he was especially close with his older brother noah, his mother, and his maternal grandmother. jesse and his parents moved to the east coast when noah left home to join the army at 18 (jess was 10 at the time). his father re-enlisted and their relationship became heavily strained for multiple reasons. he graduated high school at the top of his class and was offered a large scholarship to CIT, which he took. his brother died during the initial invasion of anchorage in 2066, and his father died a few months later during another resurgence of the new plague. both of their deaths affected him deeply.

jesse was accepted into CIT's graduate program in the fall of 2070. he studied nuclear medicine (radiology) w/ a focus on epidemiology. he was dead-set on finding a cure for the new plague. he met teressa while still in grad school (she was in law school) and the pair quickly became inseparable. they married and moved to sanctuary hills in 2073. neither of them wanted kids initially but later changed their minds, and when shaun was born in 2076 jesse finally gave in to his paranoia and registered his family with the local vault. we all know what happens next, end of the world, dead wife man pain, all that.

he sided with the minutemen during the initial events of the game but decided around the time he met virgil that the railroad were probably his best option to help him wrt the institute. he stayed on board with them and worked as a "heavy" despite taking after deacon and preferring the stealth approach. he worked undercover in the institute until things started escalating (ticonderoga was wiped by the institute & the brotherhood infiltrated railroad hq). dez pretty much forced him from there to take part in the destruction of the prydwen; he reacted pretty badly to the whole thing and would have up and left them then and there, but he still needed their help.

to be honest i'm still not sure of the specifics from here but jesse is adamant that he can broker peace between the railroad and the institute once he becomes the director but dez doesn't believe that it will work (rightfully so honestly, it's wishful thinking but jess is ever the idealist and is almost certain he can do it (he really couldn't have tho which is the tragic bit)). she also doesn't really trust he has the same ideals as she does anymore after how he acted during the brotherhood incident. ultimately she goes behind his back and infiltrates the institute without him (via the underground pipes) and her and her agents, alongside the synths jess had been rallying while undercover, take out the institute themselves. i feel like he's probably in the institute when that happens but idrk yet. either way he's extremely distraught and in the aftermath drops contact with them entirely, save deacon, who stayed behind.

post-game he takes up shop in diamond city as their new resident doctor with curie as his assistant (not sure if she gets her synth body or not, leaning towards no). he makes a real home out of home plate and that's where he and nick get to live out some sappy domestic married life together and it's cute ok. it's cute.

that's it thanks for coming to my oc ted talk if you read all of this thank you feel free to ask any questions about him or don't whatever you feel like ok love you mwah 🫂💞

#my art #oc talk #oc: jesse #there really is no fixing my handwriting huh. sorry again for that i might put transcriptions under the cut but not rn #AND for as much lore as i dumped here i'll very likely add more to it eventually. take him before i decide otherwise LOL

[funkylittlebidiot]

I had a lot of thoughts about Doctor Strange in the shower just now

Decided to follow the mutes’ advice and mention my Stephen shower thoughts anyway but only because I want to publish the essay.

Stephen is an asshole. He’s arrogant. Self-absorbed. Narcissistic. Over-confident (though in general I don’t think there’s such a thing as being too confident - love yourselves, babes).

He hasn’t held a decent conversation with anyone in years. Most of his socialization comes from the many hours he’s spent in an OR with people that - for all intents and purposes - work for him. People that would never dare disagree with him or show their contempt.  Basically, he spends a good 40 hours a week in a room where everything he says - no matter how unfunny, stupid, or awkward, or just plain rude and offensive - is positively received.

40 hours that are just filled with his own monologue, about his own life, the things that annoy or fascinate him. At most, he’ll ask about a random nurse’s children, while immediately forgetting their names, and will feel good about that charity for the rest of the week.

I’m not trying to say Stephen’s a bad person, it’s just a fact that he’s overconfident in his own people skills and has an inflated ego because he’s used to being the most important person in the room. Even among his own peers, people won’t argue with him because from the moment he stepped into medical school - and even before that - he’s had a leg up on them by having an eidetic memory.

He’s used to people bending to his will and having everything be easy.

The only thing he ever had to work for, was his surgery skill. That’s not something he can simply learn by reading a book once. Or maybe the techniques themselves, the possible complications and what you should do when something goes wrong, can be learned, but the actual movements require muscle memory. The steadiness of his hands needs to be trained.

So, as the one skill he has truly worked hard for, he’s rightfully very proud of it, and clings onto it with everything he has. But it’s also because he’s so proud of this accomplishment and because he uses it as irrefutable proof that he’s beyond everyone else even without his eidetic memory to aid him, that he’s too afraid to do anything too complicated in case he has to face the fact that even he can make mistakes. And god forbid he’s like a normal mediocre person who does things wrong sometimes.

In the shower there was another tangent about Kamar Taj and how he still just talks to people (Wong, Mood, even the AO) not really with but this is already too long as it is but the gist is just that while in Kamar Taj he’s a lot more understated because he’s learning a new skill he doesn’t immediately excel at with the added disability of his hands not cooperating. He barely bothers to try because he doesn’t think he’ll ever be as good as the rest so what’s the point.

He slowly gains his confidence back once he starts succeeding in his spellwork and realizes his hands won’t hold him back from magic at all but even then he doesn’t allow himself to reach the same levels of self-importance or claim himself to be the best until he’s learned every book in the library and knows everything there is to know which would take a few more months at least.

It’s only the words ‘it’s not about you’ that really shatter his conception of the world and break through his delusions of grandeur.

It doesn’t matter whether he’s the most talented sorcerer. It didn’t matter that he was the best surgeon in New York. It didn’t matter and no one cared because it’s not ABOUT HIM.

It wasn’t about who he was or what he could do, it mattered what he could do for others.

The only point of being better than everyone else, is being able to do things others can’t. Being able to perform miracles in the eyes of people that can do less. What use is being the best when you’re only doing procedures a mediocre surgeon could do? While there’s an entire list of patients whose only hope is a complicated procedure only the best could hope to accomplish.

So, when Dormammu came to their universe, Stephen is faced with the fact that he’s the only one that has used the eye of Agamotto before, that he’s the only one with a plan, the only one that could even hope to attempt a risky move like the bargain. And he did it, despite the possibility of failure, despite the risk to himself, because he realized that everyone would be worse off if he didn’t at least try. 

He’s learning from his mistakes, and he’s been humbled.

So now, when he does risky shit and performs spells above his skill level, it’s not because he thinks himself better than he is - actually, he’s never been arrogant in his own abilities as he never overstates his skills, in fact he even used to understate them by giving up too easily - it’s because he wants to make up for all the risks he didn’t take.

#in all honesty i would never read a post this long so feel free to skip #musings i needed to get out of my head #stephen strange #doctor strange #long post #marvel #mcu

[xinkypotatoechipsx]

Hi! I saw your post about wanting requests? Can you please do head canons of Ayato, Uta and Naki telling their s/o reader the truth about them? That they are ghouls? Of course reader accepts them regardless 🥰feel free to ignore if you like have a nice day/night 😊💕

Of course! I'm glad I've finally got a request for tokyo ghoul and thankyou for being patient I’ve been bombarded with school work again 💜

I hope you don't mind that I only did Ayato and Uta, I was getting stuck on what what write for Naki 😅 and apologies if any of the characters are ooc.

Warnings - Slight bit of angst, self doubt, Uta’s ending sucks and this is not fully proof read.

Ayato

☆To say the least Ayato was shocked when he found out that he had fell for a human and initiated a relationship with them, he has hated humans with every fibre of his being ever since his parents were mercilessly took from him and Touka when they were younger.

☆What changed his ways?

☆How were you any different?

☆In all honesty Ayato didn't know and he always beat himself up about it...Falling for some dumb human, it just wasn't him.

☆When he got to know you better, the more these inexplainable feelings began to overwhelm him and eventually one thing led to another.

☆You both ended up in a relationship together.

☆You guys became more open the more your relationship developed and began to trust each other (in this case for Ayato it would of been a long time).

☆After so long guilt began to creep up on him because he hadn't been honest about who he truly was.

☆Ayato knew that if he told you that he was a ghoul that you'd run away and never want to see him again because of what he is and because of how deceitful he has been .

☆When he thought it was the right time to tell you, hed make sure that you were both alone and preferably at home that way no one will hear and see you both.

☆Because of how long you guys have been in the relationship and how dependable you have become for him Ayato began to struggle with getting his words out, which frustrated him.

☆ 'Look I haven't been honest with you...I'm not what you really think I am.'

☆'I'm a ghoul.'

☆Silence engulfed the entire apartment.

☆Ayato was prepared for you to berate him, after all he deserved it for lying to you all this time.

☆When you told him that you didn't care that he was a ghoul and you love him matless he was speechless.

☆However Ayato wouldn't understand why you were so accepting and gre lw frustrated because he thought you were lying just so you wouldn't be attacked.

☆His Kakugan would appear, he'd stand up and laugh in disbelief. 'Why? Why on Earth would you still want to be with me...hell even love me despite what I am?'

☆Please give him lots of love and hugs 💜

(However, I feel like he may reveal himself as a ghoul if he wanted to end the relationship with you too)

Uta

~I feel that if Uta were to date you, you’d have to be quite unique…in a sense that you are your own person and don’t do things for the sake of trends etc.

~If you haven’t figured out he’s a ghoul well that is a surprise to say the least. Never the less, I think Uta would just say it at a very random moment. Or he may even try and bring up a conversation about it and then say something then. It all depends on how confident he is and how much he can trust you.

~Uta is a quite a complex character, in a sense that you usually can never truly know his true intentions and thoughts on top of whether he is being serious and truthful.

~One could say that he may find your flabbergasted state amusing, after all he does find humans in general to make him feel like this.

~Some could say that he is calm and collected when he brings up the topic.

~Yet deep down, I feel that he will feel a sort of anxiety. An emotion that he usually buries down in order to look professional and not weak.

~ He would understand if you’d want to end the relationship though, after all he is a very dangerous individual.

~If you need time to contemplate what he has just told you, he would completely understand and give you the time that you need.

~When you say that you accept him and you don’t care that he is a ghoul he would laugh.

~Laugh in both disbelief yet relief.

~He may even think that you’re crazy (in a good way) that you would say that you would want to continue the relationship.

~He’s happy never the less :)

#Tokyo ghoul #Tokyo ghoul re #Uta #ayato kirishima #Uta x reader #Ayato x reader #Ayato Kirishima x reader #Uta x gn reader #Ayato x gn reader #gender neutral reader #I love these 2 characters with my entire heart #pitch answers #tokyo ghoul x reader