#in the way that trans man and nonbinary fit me but i could never be fit within the labels of transmasc or transfem etc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nicname · 7 months

Text

”Oh if we didn’t have xenogenders/GNC trans people/neopronouns/MOGAI/etc etc etc then transphobes would respect us.” Untrue. Most transphobes are so insanely vitriolic that you could be the most standard, decent, agreeable trans person, and they would still hate you.

I’m a fairly basic trans man, online and off. I tone my gender down even more for work. I have short hair, facial hair, I wear pretty standard non-fitted pants and t shirts with some manner of compressive undergarment underneath, and I go by my fairly basic, common masc name. The only difference between me and my cis coworkers is that I openly engage in good-faith discussions about my being transgender when brought up, and I have a “he/him” pronoun pin I like to wear.

I have one coworker who I’m well aware has never gendered me correctly. I have assumed it was an intentional, bad-faith decision (because of other, unrelated-to-me conversations he has had with coworkers), but I’ve never really cared enough to bring it up to him. I figured, “if this is intentional, that’s his issue. I’m not interested in trying to change his mind.” I’ve reached a point in my transition to where I don’t really care that much if some random person doesn’t respect me or my gender, because I don’t need every stranger’s approval to be happy with myself.

With all that being said, I’ve treated him the same as I have every other coworker. I’ve been civil, I’ve been agreeable, I’ve still been friendly to him and haven’t gone around the workplace intending to smear his name. (Yes, I have discussed his behavior to those close to me who have asked, but I’ve kept it very private and said that as long as he doesn’t say anything outwardly malicious, I don’t really care about his behavior.) He has been outwardly friendly to me, too, telling me about his past careers, showing me pictures of his family, we’ve talked about our hobbies and other things we enjoy.

Still, after all of this, he has given up the ghost and decided to gossip about me negatively to coworkers. I won’t go into detail about what I’ve been told he said, but it was all explicitly transphobic and pretty aggressive. I’ve never gone out of my way to make him mad, relating to my gender or not, so it’s a little out of nowhere. I’m not particularly surprised by this, but I’m more surprised that he would be bold enough to say everything out loud when working for a company that has explicit protections for trans people in place. He was reported fairly quickly, without me ever knowing what occurred. The only reason I found out about everything is because I overheard a manager discussing it with a concerned coworker from my department.

So, if you take anything away from this, let it be that no amount of friendliness, gender-conformity, or civilness with stop a transphobe from taking their transphobia out on you, and it’s not your fault or any other trans person’s fault. Don’t victim blame trans people who become the subject of someone’s transphobic hate, because a transphobe is dedicated to harming trans people regardless of whether they blend in with cis people or not. Don’t use a transphobe’s needlessly malicious behavior as a reason to harass other trans, GNC, nonbinary, or otherwise gender diverse people.

#trans #transgender #transmasculine #trans pride #transgender pride #transgender man #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#lgbt+#lgbtqia #lgbtqia+#nic speaks #mogai #fixed typos and made it broader

4K notes · View notes

cardentist · 1 month

Text

well ! I figured that was gonna happen, so lets not waste a good essay.

I feel like it's not controversial to say that there is a Lot of underlying transphobia in how people with "weird" gender and labels are treated. but in particular I'd like to highlight how multigender/genderfluid/genderqueer people/etc are expected to "pick a side" based on their agab (or perceived agab).

and this absolutely extends to nonbinary and intersex people as well. people viewing nonbinary people by their agab regardless of their identities, presentation, or real lived experiences (or punishing nonbinary people for not fitting what they Assume those things would be based on them Being nonbinary).

as well as the way that intersex people are erased and refused to be understood. it is, for instance, treated as ridiculous or even outright Dangerous to think an amab person could be trans masc or an afab person could be trans fem. ignoring, of course, that there are intersex people who Aren't treated like their agab. who are visibly read as trans and transition in ways that suit their agab.

and of course, intersex people have all sorts of relationships with gender and sexuality that influence their experiences.

but there's Also just this baseline kneejerk rejection of seeing multigender people as anything different from half trans. or rather, people don't like it when people relate to and share experiences with what they perceive as the "wrong" trans labels.

I've talked about this before, but I've been shuffling around labels for a very Very long time. both trying to find something to fit the way I feel, And in trying to figure out my feelings at all.

I've Always identified with both masculinity and femininity in some way, but for a very long time I've never enjoyed being Perceived As a girl. was I genderfluid, was I nonbinary, was I trans masc and gnc, what was I indeed. why was I comfortable, even Happy presenting femininely in some cases, but I feel antsy when my hair gets anywhere longer than "basically bald."

gender euphoria at the idea of going on T and wearing clothes that hide and change the shape language of my body, but Equally receiving gender euphoria at dressing and being perceived as Feminine without being perceived as a cis woman.

and in much the same way, when I Do present masculinely I enjoy not reading as a Cis man. that visible transness. that duality of masculine and feminine.

in the end I've found that my euphoria with femininity hinges on exactly that. I Want to transition, I want a deeper voice, I want my face and body to change. but I Also want to keep some of those traits that are read as feminine. some of the shape language of my body, my boobs, my presentation.

no matter how I choose to label this feeling, this desired presentation and desired interpretation, what this means for me is that I have shared experiences and desires with many other groups of trans people. trans people Can look and want to present as anything mind. but it is, for instance, not hard to imagine how someone in a dress with visible breasts and a masculine voice and facial hair would be interpreted and possibly treated.

and I think binary people really don't Like the idea of sharing experiences with the "wrong" sorts of people. they don't Like sharing experiences with nonbinary people, with multi gender or gender fluid people, with intersex people.

and I think I think there Needs to be some awareness of this. that trans spaces are always going to be fuzzy at the edges. that there will be men who are Also women and women who are Also men, and that not being a threat to anyone who's one or the other.

and I think there Also needs to be an awareness that this intolerance to people with Weird genders and presentations and labels. Is Transphobia, regardless of who it's coming from.

not to inherently demonize anyone struggling with feelings of discomfort, but to ask people to Examine that feeling. especially before they choose to interact with people who are different from them.

everyone has prejudices, everyone has insecurity, everyone has biases and difficult emotions that they're trying to work through. and there's nothing wrong with that, but there needs to be an awareness and recognition of it. to make the active effort not to react to someone you don't understand with a negative kneejerk.

sometimes things that sound unintuitive make perfect sense to the person it's relevant to, sometimes things that sound intuitive are wrong. you don't Have to understand somebody to leave them be to do their own thing. and if you feel that someone's existence is harmful, sometimes it's a good idea to check that emotion.

#discourse #long post #trans unity #queer unity #intersex #multigender #genderqueer #nonbinary

63 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

Note

aita for pretending to be cis online? im a trans man and have been trans for almost ten years now. i am pre-most transition even though i would like to fully transition, due to money and medical phobia complications. i do not pass irl.

a few years ago i attempted stealth (saying i was a cis man) on a discord server before ultimately admitting to being trans because i was afraid everyone could tell, and was informed that even though they even heard my voice on the server, no one there suspected i was afab, and even when i said i was trans, some people assumed i was coming out as transfem, because i had passed myself as a cis man so well. this gave me euphoria, of course, and made me regret telling anyone since i was apparently passing so well.

i held onto those feelings, and a year or so after that, quietly changed my bios and stuff to remove the trans part. a little while after that, i started actively saying i was cis male in my bios and to new friends.

i should clarify this is not out of safety or fear of transphobia, all my family and irl friends know im trans and are 100% supportive, im lucky enough to live in a very progressive area, and my online existence is small and filled with tons of trans and supportive people. it's only because i feel dysphoric when i know people can perceive me as afab, and since i don't have control over that irl, i just want someone in the world to see me as amab, even if im not and never will be.

i also am not by any means a transmed. i myself am also gnc, and many many of my friends are loud and proud queer weirdos, and i am too with everything but my agab. i love the wacky ways other trans folks present their genders and refuse to sanitize themselves for cisciety. i do not think anyone should ever have to water down who they are for any reason and i don't think being afab makes anyone less of a man, just i personally don't like facing the fact that i am afab and would rather people see me as a cis man whenever i can control it.

this might be where the asshole comes in here, because being gnc, being surrounded by so many trans people and being in many "afab dominated" spaces (such as fanfic writers, tumblr, fandom in general honestly) as well as having a lot of trans headcanons makes me paranoid people are going to clock me and even if they don't say anything they'll know im faking being cis. because of that, and to avoid the dreaded "egg" conversations (people trying to insist or imply that ill soon "find out" that im transfem) ive sometimes been telling people when the subject comes up that i had experimented with my gender before and thought i was transfem or nonbinary in the past, so i sort of fit the idea of cis+ and that might be why i feel more trans than cis even though im definitely cis.

i also tell them im intersex and have trans family (both of these are true, though obviously im intersex in a different way than i say) to get them off my scent.

i know i dont owe anyone my agab, but when all is said and done, i am lying about my gender and history with gender exploration, and i kinda feel like im disrespecting other trans folks by implying it would personally feel better to be cis, like i can't relate to other trans people saying they never want to be cis and the goal of being trans isn't to be cis. but i do. i also worry that having trans hcs (including in sexual contexts) for characters while im presenting myself as cis makes people think im a chaser.

anyway sorry this is long, but aita for lying about my gender?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

140 notes · View notes

genderfluid-info-blog · 9 days

Note

Hello there!

Currently I'm questioning if I'm gender fluid, but I feel like the strongest "base" identity is me being a binary trans man!

Does that contradict each other? That I'm gender fluid but I'm mainly binary? I don't feel like my genderfluidity is inherently "non binary" despite it also contains non binary and xenogenders, and I wouldn't appreciate if people tell me "yeah you're gender fluid thus you're inherently nonbinary!"

And I wonder if you have the term for it? Genderfluidity that mainly encompasses binary man and masculinities + some non binary womanhood, but never binary womanhood? And that the binary manhood is strongest?

Thank you 🥰

Hi! First off, you don't have to be non-binary in order to be genderfluid! While the term "genderfluid" falls under the non-binary umbrella, you don't have to identify as non-binary as well just because of your genderfluidity. There are going to be people who will disagree and shove you into the "non-binary box", but please ignore them. You're the only one who has a say in your identity. Use the labels that make you comfortable <3

As for your question, I would recommend the label genderfaunet! You could also call yourself a genderfaunet trans man if you wanted to, since you mentioned that it's your base identity and that you have a strong connection to binary manhood.

Here is my post about the meaning of genderfaunet, it fits your description pretty well🫶

Another label you could look into is genderfloy: Genderfloy people are genderfluid, but mostly male. They can fluctuate between any genders, including feminine ones, but they are mostly male in some way (e. g. they are male most of the time, their masculinity or manhood is more intense than the other genders etc)

I hope I could help, you're very welcome!🩷🤍💜🖤💙

#asks #genderfluid #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #lgbtq+#lgbtqia #lgbtqia+#trans man

20 notes · View notes

nothorses · 1 year

Note

ive seen a few posts talking about gender socialization as a terf idea, and im not sure I understand... I was wondering if you could help? I understand gender essentialism is a dangerous tool they use, and I see how "socialization" gets used as a more acceptable way of framing hatred of trans people.

but also, im a trans man and I do genuinely feel like my being raised "as a girl" affected my personality and interests, especially in childhood. particularly things like being taught to be quieter and more polite than my classmates and stuff. is there something im missing here?

The term "gender socialization" generally implies that socialization relies strictly on gender, and I've seen this defined either to mean AGAB (trans women are socialized and men, and trans men are socialized as women), or the gender you actually are (vice versa). Either way, it's an extremely reductive and restricting view on what is, yes, at least related to a real phenomena.

The thing is, "socialization" is different for everyone. The factors that play into it can range from the gender other people think you are, the gender you think of yourself as (which might change over time), the gender you actually are, to things completely unrelated: race and ethnicity, disability status, religion, the culture you grow up in, and so many others.

What's being discussed is essentially the impact of one's culture, and their culture's view of gender, on the way they think of themselves. Boiling that down to "male or female", even if you're not calling trans women "men" and trans men "women" to fit them into that model, is still a massive oversimplification that denies any possibility of variation in experience.

For example: I also internalized a lot of misogynistic ideas about myself growing up. But I was raised by a single mother who believed in some feminist ideals, and in a progressive area, and without the influence of religion in my family; so some of the ideas I grew up with were "you're a bossy bitch who talks too much", and some of them were "Never Rely On A Man". And while I didn't know I was a trans man yet, I also felt dysphoric about things like crying; not because I believed men couldn't cry, but because my mom encouraged me to fake cry because crying (white) women get their way.

That's not really a comparable experience to one that, say, a Christian cis woman in the US south might have.

The other flaw in this theory is the implication that "socialization" is static. Once you reach a certain age (which is never really defined), you magically stop absorbing messages from the world around you, and become cemented forever as Socialized Male or Female.

Aside from the fact that this obviously isn't true, you have to wonder: what about trans people who transition when they're children? What are they socialized as?

This isn't just an inaccurate view of the way people develop. It's a form of gender essentialism- the idea that gender determines certain immutable qualities in a person- which is itself related to, and supports theory underlying, sex essentialism; i.e., TERF and otherwise transphobic ideology.

Buying into the same idea that "man" and "woman" are stagnant categories with no overlap isn't good when you allow trans people to be categorized by their actual gender instead of their AGAB. It's still the same core philosophy, and it's still just as damaging- to intersex and nonbinary people in particular, but also to all trans people. The gender binary doesn't serve any of us.

Trans liberation means understanding, or at least leaving room for, the nuances and complexities. It means allowing people to exist in complicated ways, and to define and categorize themselves. The strict, static, and binary understanding of gender presented by "gender socialization" theory only works against that.

#trans #transgender #trans liberation #transunity #gender socialization

375 notes · View notes

musicfeedsmysoul12 · 10 months

Note

where's the rant ???

Alright so rant time: people constantly argue that making a character a transwoman is the same as making them a ciswoman and frankly that’s wrong. I’m sorry but it is. As a small disclaimer: I’m nonbinary and I am in school getting a sociology degree. I will be using sex to refer to biology and gender to refer to otherwise.

Using Tim Drake as an example: the stories you tell with a transgirl or a cisgirl version are incredibly different from each other. Because men and women are socialized drastically different from one another. While the character of Tim Drake (fierce, loyal, hard working, generous, and wanting to do so much good) wouldn’t change so much else about Tim would in either option.

With a transgirl Tim Drake, you have how society would react to her and coming out. I’d also argue that she wouldn’t come out until her teen years because of Jack. No one can tell me that this man would be okay with his kid being a transgirl. You just can’t tell me that. Janet is a toss up because of the limited information we have on her as a character. She however did neglect her kid, and in general I think that as new or old money, whichever you want to use, she would have problems with image, considering that a trans child could go bad for the PR. But even ignoring the parents, a transgirl!Tim would have a totally different story. I expect her story woudl go much like canon for a while until she is able to articulate that she is a girl. Then I expect backlash from people, one of them being Stephanie.

I’m probably in the minority when it comes to my thoughts that Steph is a straight woman who would react to her partner coming out as a woman badly because ‘what does that say about ME?!’ I won’t go into my issues with Steph. Others have done it way better but I do think that she and Tim both messed up their relationship even if frankly most of the blame is on Steph’s feet. BUT ANYWAYS: Tim coming out would cause issues there. A harsh reaction is never great for a baby trans kid and I can see Tim retreating as Steph goes off to complain to someone like Babs. Who I then think would be upset with Steph for outing Tim. Baba then acts as a pillar for Tim who slowly can come out on her own terms. Bruce and Dick I don’t think would have an issue and Jason? Let’s be real: Jason wouldn’t give a fuck in the sense it’s “okay wait, girl? Okay… I’ll still beat the shit out of you”.

The media would pitch a fit and I think that YJ would become closer over this, but I also think that there will be backlash from other members of the cape community. There just isn’t a way there wouldn’t be because while sure a lot are accepting you can’t tell me everyone is. Also the rouges. Unless Bruce asks Tim to pretend to be a guy still which… OUCH. I feel that is on brand and also something Tim would struggle so much with but want to obey while everyone is yelling at Bruce.

Then a transitioning Tim when her father wakes up probably wouldn’t go back to him because I doubt his reaction is a good one, and so she stays with Bruce. Probably becoming adopted. She and Cass would bond and I can see Tim developing further and becoming more confident as time goes on. She is less confident as Robin as she is not allowed to be herself.

The Damian and I’m torn. On one hand: I kind of like the idea that the League are all assholes but they also are chill with queer people cause Ra’s is creepy with canon Tim. In the other this is something he can attack Tim over and I doubt he’d give up the chance the little psycho.

So… Damian would be a thorn but I think that Dick steps in way more here because ‘baby assassin trying to kill Tim since he doesn’t know better’ is very different then ‘a transphobic kid being a shit to Tim’. Sad but true.

Tim’s story drastically changes by being a transgirl and it’s one that is VASTLY different then being a ciswoman because Tim still was socialized as a boy from birth. There is still a level of privilege she got from birth that a ciswoman doesn’t. People would react to her being trans in multiple ways such as denial or disgust.

But a cisgirl!Tim? Well…

People expect different things from the sexes. Women are supposed to be soft, gentle, not to loud and are supposed to be kind. Boys get to be demanding and loud and smart and rough.

Tim as a girl would have Jack and Janet reacting differently. It’s a personal headcanon for me that Jack imposes a lot of his traits onto Tim as a boy because ‘it’s my son and he is thus like me’. A girl though he’d expect to be a ‘cute and soft girl who is there for me to pull out of the closest’ because frankly the guy who willing marries someone not even a decade older then his kid who uses to be his physical therapist is a LOSER who would. Janet is again a toss up but I feel she’d have more of an impact for this Tim as being a woman in buisness or archeology is a field she had to climb and claw her way through. Things she would then pass on to her daughter.

Women are expected to be feminine and gentle. I’m actually fond of a girly fem!Tim compared to others, but I think it’s more of a punk girly then not. Janet totally would have weaponized her femininity in a way Tim tries to mimic. Dresses, soft smiles, doe eyes but a sharp mind about to rip you apart. Her interests in photography would be dismissed as ‘artsy girl’ and she’d be put into ballet or gymnastics with some comments over martial arts.

Women will have people talk about them if they do anything out of the ordinary. They aren’t supposed to ride skateboards or things because that’s what boys are expected to do. They aren’t supposed to like climbing things or other shit.

Tim as someone born a girl, and as either new money or old money, would be expected to have certain traits a boy is allowed to not have. So without a doubt she had etiquette lessons and dance lessons and anything else her mother might have decided were useful because Jack wouldn’t have noticed anything. Even if it’s cause Janet got mocked by people for not knowing I can’t see Tim not having these lessons.

Tim who has a great mask and who keeps her lives seperate this would have her high society mask, her vigilante mask, her public self and her real self because girls are still expected to act a certain way in public. Any interest that deviates form what society expects is brushed off as ‘she’s trying to be unique’ or ‘tomboy’ or ‘fitting in with the boys’.

We finally get to Robin now because Tim is still Tim and I don’t doubt she would do the same thing, fight to become Robin, but with this comes it’s own problems. Threats of sexual assault, comments about being a girl, crude comments about opening her legs or how she fights: all of these would follow her. We can go: some rouges are nice all we want but not all of them are.

Then we have Stephanie and that relationship is already drastically changed because Stephanie again is straight, and I think that Tim would be able to connect to Steph much better as a girl. I still think it wouldn’t be the healthiest of friendships because of everything but I also think that Tim being a girl while having hard lines is very different from a boy with boundaries because Steph knows as a girl what it’s like to have boundaries. She would feel bad for breaking them compared to ‘Tim is upset I found out his identity boohoo why is he upset with me?’.

We have Dick to and I’m going to be real honest: I think Dick is sexist enough to make assumptions of Tim. He doesn’t have issues with women but in general he’s a bit of a douche bag (sleeping with Babs while inviting her to his wedding with Kori anyone?) that he would put some expectations on this Tim related to being a girl. Of course Tim tosses those out of the water and I think he’d adapt but still: Dick is just… I think he’s the guy who puts a lot of stock into blood relations more then we know (ala Damian) and that he’s got a few assumptions about the Robin title along with thoughts on girls.

Bruce is… I think his expectations would be similar to canon with an emphasis on her being a girl. He knows competent women but in his world most of the female heroes are super powered or criminals, with Barbara being a shining example of a non-powered hero who got hurt. He’s going to compare it. I think it would either be worse then canon or he’s going to shove her off on female heroes more because he isn’t sure how to handle her.

Barbara as well I think is closer then canon to Tim being a girl and sort of the Batfam early compared to Stephanie. I actually think Babs would be a lot more posessive of Tim because of this, but this miiiight just be me. I know Tim and Cass would be incredibly close as well much like canon.

Jason and Damian though? Okay so I’ll be blunt: Jason is the kind of guy who is a feminist and supports woman’s rights but has a few issues with women he’s never been able to articulate. Society would press on him women are supposed to be fantastic mothers who put their families first and then he gets Sheila and Catherine. And while Catherine may have loved him society says she’s a terrible mother. Then we have Talia and no matter what the ‘sleeping together’ thing is fucked up. It just IS. So Jason has issues. However I think said issues being thrown into his face would make him stop short. Yet his reaction to a girl taking the mantle is one that would be… tricky as hell.

Damian? Damian is sexist and could go one of four ways: a) canon, b) WORSE then canon, c) dismissive and arrogant assuming she is just there to be trained and would be shoved out of the role as soon as he’s there no need to fight which turns into canon reaction when she isn’t or d) an assumption she’s there as a bride for someone. Because frankly it is something I can see him assuming. Bruce training a girl much like how Dick/Jason was trained so eventually they would marry to be solid heirs. The LoA is messed up and Talia might be a woman but she was raised there so there’s probably a ‘exception to the rule’ mentality with her. And I can see Damian either then: deciding he would be Tim’s groom as the true heir to the Bat or he would go: well time to marry her off now.

Either works. He’d still be violent and cruel towards her but that’s just Damian in general until he mellows out.

I think losing Robin in this world would be much more of a blow for Tim because of the sexism she’s faced. Being the lesser Robin for being a girl, how people reacted to her being feminine, seeing how Dick so easily tosses her aside for a male child. How people probably would go: yes! A good Robin finally! Or how his more violent reaction probably gets praised over her. Mixed in with the dismissal of Bruce being alive which feels worse as women are always getting dismissed by people and Tim lashes out harder then in canon.

We then come back to Babs because there’s only two ways she can react: canon or she goes ‘I’ll listen for real as I know the guys suck at listening to the girls’ and making her decisions that way. (And let’s be real Babs would know. Give me more female solidarity in comics and not the weird catty crap we get otherwise)

We then have canon happen with Ra’s being just as creepy mixed with a lot more sexism on her world tour.

One thing I do think would happen like canon is Tim realizing she’s bisexual when Fem!Bernard comes along and gets her thinking about it because girls are allowed to be touchy with each other so her not knowing is twice as likely.

These stories are VASTLY different from one another and the assumption that they wouldn’t be is insulting. Yes, transwomen are women but there’s still a huge difference in a story about either of them. Both these stories have very different thoughts and reactions from characters.

Just pretending that they’re one in the same is wrong. And pretending there’s a moral high ground when you claim they are is just being a dick.

#Batman #tim Drake #red Robin #transgirl tim #female tim Drake #fem tim Drake #Dc Comics

54 notes · View notes

gin-juice-tonic · 1 year

Note

Hey Gin this might be a silly thing to ask, but how did you realize you were trans? Cause ever since I saw your trans Stan and Ford I think I had some sort of relivation, it started with just really enjoying the art you drew to me feeling some sort of envy. Either that I want to dress more masculine or that I actually want to be a man, cause honestly when I look at your trans stans I just feel so much gender envy (jealousy?) And on my last period I had a whole crying fit over it starting, which has never happened before. I just don't know if this is actually what I'm feeling or if it isn't. I've had thoughts of telling my mom and fearing the consequence. This is just all so new and I'm honestly scared. I figured I'd ask you since I look up to you and from what I've seen you are quite wise. I don't really know why I have so much self doubt and constantly flip flop over things. It's frustrating, I just wish I could be certain about something for once. Sorry about this, I'm a mess really.

It’s not silly to ask. My answer is unfortunately a little silly, because I’m a goober. I also typed A LOT so its all going under a read more

So, I was 16 and on tumblr even more than I am now, and I was (still am) friends with a trans woman who reblogged a post that was like “Just trans girl things: eating dark chocolate because it has substances similar to estrogen” and I went “Haha i guess I should stop eating it.” followed by “…why do I feel that way” and THAT was followed by quite the crisis.

Trans men weren’t as well known about back then, so I was like “Well, it means nothing, since only women can be trans”. And then I found out men could be trans too and that pushed my crisis further along. And I started to think. About how I liked when people defaulted to male pronouns for me on the internet, or how when i was a kid I would use a crazy amount of shampoo to make my hair look short and flatten my chest in front of the mirror and look at it. Things like that. And I got upset because “no i can’t be trans that’s impossible”. I would google things like “how do you know if you’re trans”, “quiz to see if you’re trans”, ect.

But the idea of being seen as a man was exciting. It was tantalizingly exciting. And I knew it could be possibility for me someday, and I knew that made a part of me happy and I couldn’t un-know it.

Final straw was a nonbinary person I had been following made a post about how they were going to start taking testosterone. And instead of feeling happy for them I just got mad and started sobbing to myself. Because I was so extremely jealous. So jealousy absolutely has its place in figuring things out.

You should think. Think about attaining the things you’re envious about. Does this make you happy? It’s okay if it’s upsetting or scary at the same time. Change often is. But if it makes you happy, excites you, gives you hope for the future, it’s worth thinking more about.

You don’t have to jump into telling your mom right away (and I wouldn’t really recommend it till you’re a little more sure of yourself). You can go at whatever pace you want to. I didn’t tell my mom (or anyone in my real life at all) till I was like, 20. And I’d known for 4 years at that point. You’ve sent me a tumblr message, so I’m assuming you’ve got an account here. I’d say asking your friends on this website to address you as male would be a good way to ease into things. And you can see if you like that or not.

For how you dress, again, you can ease into it. Personally it made me happy to dress in athletic clothing (especially tank tops- to show off my non existent guns), or to dress like a greaser (Though I preferred a black t shirt to a white one), or a golfer. None of those things particularly scream ‘man’ but they were man enough to me. You can find things man enough for you. If you want to try out a binder and think you can get one without anyone noticing, my first ever one was a Tri-top from Underworks. They’re like $30 or so. I was able to get away with buying it because I was a cosplay nerd so I just said it was for that.

If you’re the type of person who owns makeup- you could try to find some time alone just to have an experiment of mimicking drag king makeup, or makeup for cosplayers doing male characters. I did that once early on, and while it looked admittedly goofy, it made me ecstatic at the time.

Er sorry for things getting so long. But I just want to say lastly that self doubt is both normal and okay. And thinking far in the future (ie- things like coming out to people or hormones or anything like that) might scare you. But you can take things one step at a time if you want to. Play with just looking at clothes, making outfits on pinterest or whatever, imagining scenarios where people address you as male, thinking of names you might like. See what makes you happy, and expand on the things that do from there.

And regardless of what you discover, in the end you will have learned more about yourself. And that's always a good thing.

#long post #VERY LONG IM SORRY #ask stuff

106 notes · View notes

halfd3af · 2 months

Text

I Think I Might Be Agender

I have some feelings about how I’m viewed in society. Shocker.

I do not like being put in a box.

When I am assumed to be a "cis man" by cis people, because I pass constantly as one, they make incorrect assumptions about my life, such as (white) male privilege or boyhood/manhood.

When I am viewed as a "trans man", both cis and trans people make assumptions about my body, but I am intersex, and I will never fit those expectations of my experiences with sex and gender.

Also, while the existence of“late bloomers” of a variety of ages isn’t a totally uncommon experience, many people will incorrectly assume I must have known I was trans from a young age, and I didn’t.

There was no assumption that something was “off” about my gender until I was 17. It hit me like lightning that I was not experiencing "some self-esteem issues", and that it was not normal for a person to be smothering every aspect of their gender through neutral clothing (hoodies, loose shirts, and jeans) or avoiding looking in the mirror as if it could turn me to stone.

Lastly, when I am viewed as "nonbinary", there are STILL assumptions being made about my gender presentation, that I must be someone who engages in visual gender nonconformity. In my opinion, the occasional usage of black eyeliner does not make me gender nonconforming overall, but I can understand how in an isolated moment, to cis people, it is viewed as such. My hair is also viewed this way by cis people—a former manager at my internship, 100% completely unaware of my transness, would misgender me as “she” behind my back due to my hair—though it being a curlier version of Kurt Cobain’s style seems… laughable, in my opinion, to call GNC, but I digress.

The main reason I chose the label of nonbinary was because I do not fit in with cis men or trans men due to being intersex, and now I'm realizing that I don't think I fit in with most nonbinary people, or at least the expectation set upon nonbinary people that they must be people whose presentations of themselves Do Not Conform To Gender.

My presentation could be viewed as similar to cis gay men, where being myself is viewed as “different” without any particular visual identifiers of queerness, but calling myself a gay man is not correct because I am not cis nor do I aim to mimic it through being a binary trans man.

So, I think a term like agender resonates with me. I’ve seen definitions of the identity include “the rejection of the concept of gender” and “feeling that gender is irrelevant”, so that’s why I think I might identify with it. I am not necessarily attempting to be genderless, because I do wish to be viewed as masculine and nothing but that, but I AM attempting to reject the “weight” of gendered expectations being thrust upon me because of gender. I want to acknowledge its irrelevance. Its meaninglessness.

I chose the name Apollo because of what the Apollo space missions represent to me: a sublime, romanticism of the universe that will always be outside of our reach. And I think that's what my gender feels like. Something that others project their ideals upon, but is inconceivably vast. Ultimately untouchable and unknowable.

Like how no one can know me and my gender as intimately as I know myself.

#agender #nonbinary #I have been having these Big Feelings for several months and I’m finally able to consolidate them into something #you are welcome to reblog—I am very curious to see the perspectives of other agender/nonbinary/labelless people #halfd3afgenderposts

11 notes · View notes

andyinmiddleearth · 8 months

Text

Being non-binary has been such an isolating experience for me

For me, being non-binary is being haunted by my quinceañera picture hanging on the wall, because I know I will never be “her”

How can you be someone when that “girl” never really existed? “She” was just a camouflage, for THEY were trying to be the perfect Mexican “daughter” everyone wanted

But at the same time I know I will never be “him” either, no matter how hard I try… and I tried! I forced myself to identify as a trans man for years because I felt like that was the only way I could be valid

I use they/he pronouns is because gender is a performance and I would rather be seen as a man than as a woman, but also because I’m holding on as tight as I can to that “he,” because people find that pronoun set more palatable than just they/them

I’m definitely not “her” but I’m not 100% “him” either… I’m just me… and just being me has never been enough for anyone

Being non-binary is so isolating because so many few people actually see me for who I am, both strangers and close ones alike

To this day I have not explicitly told my family I am non-binary since coming out as a trans man to them was hard enough, and I’m exhausted

I don’t fit in with the girls, and even though I am masculine presenting I don’t really fit in with the boys either, so where do I fit in? Do I even fit in ANYWHERE?

If women are from Venus and men are from Mars then I’m a lone star in the vastness of space, far away from my galaxy full of other nonbinary stars

I want to scream into a black hole because I am in pain, but how can a star scream when it has no mouth?

At least I hope I’m not the only star stranded far away in the Delta quadrant

My only hope is to either go supernova or be rescued by Captain Janeway… but Kathryn my beloved won’t get here until the 24th century so I guess I have to be patient and wait

39 notes · View notes

not-poignant · 8 months

Note

Looooved the latest chapter update for UtB <33 thank you so much for writing! I was wondering, is part of the reaction/feelings Ef has towards Faber because he can recognize some omega traits in Faber and it triggers Ef's (for lack of better word) disphoria? Or is it solely just because he can sense Faber's annoyance with the situation etc? Also, Faber is bb <3 I love how Ef has without knowing already had an interaction with an omega on his own btw haha

Hallo anon!

Tbh the feelings Efnisien has towards Faber are mostly born straight up out of empathy and compassion. If anything, sensing Faber's annoyance is more likely to make him annoyed in turn.

Efnisien's never met any omegas for a long period of time and never really had a conversation with one before, and Faber doesn't really live or portray himself like an omega, so there's nothing for Efnisien to hook into there. Faber is actually not very omega-like in quite a lot of ways. And on top of that, Faber would react to Efnisien's alpha persuasions etc. like a beta, and not an omega.

This tbh hooks into the idea that Faber could easily be 'nonbinary' and just has no idea (same with Efnisien - it's been brought up several times and Efnisien has seriously considered it, and will continue to in the future), because he doesn't know it exists, and also that you don't have to 'present' like a 'classic' or 'normative' manifestation of a gender to want to be that gender. There are masc women who aren't trans, there are femme men who aren't trans, and there are also femme men who are, and masc women who are. I really enjoy unpacking the idea that there is a 'one size fits all' alpha or omega or beta alongside the experience of knowing you're not the gender everyone has assigned to you.)

Efnisien has zero idea that Faber is experiencing any kind of dysphoria, he just knows Faber doesn't like his life much, and Efnisien had a big 'man that's relatable' moment, except people are trying to change that for him, and no one is trying to fix that for Faber, and that made Efnisien sad on his behalf.

But yeah, it's complicated! To me, this narrative resists both neat analogies to the transgender experience (as a trans person, I want that), and it also resists the simplification of gender, because culturally we know it's not. At least, that's what I'm hoping :D

Efnisien was so focused on his own positive experience of himself as an alpha, that he wasn't paying any attention to Faber from a gender standpoint. He was just interacting with and sympathising with Faber-the-person.

#asks and answers #underline the black #faber castle #efnisien ap wledig #i don't want UtB to be a 1:1 trans metaphor re: faber and efnisien #and i don't think it is #like there's definitely themes and comparisons but at the same time #they do have transgender people in this world #they have genders like man and woman and nonbinary and agender etc #anyway i'm rambling but basically i don't think efnisien hooked into any of faber's gender dysphoria #because *honestly* i don't think faber is hooked into it himself most of the time #he did think about it in moments in this chapter to ask certain questions #but like... faber is very flat / apathetic towards his secondary gender overall #and largely just doesn't think about it and doesn't care about it #in the same way that he doesn't think about his personal life much

20 notes · View notes

transenbyconfessions · 10 months

Note

I've been confused about my gender for 10 years, and I don't know what to do about it.

I use he/him and they/them, and I've been taking t for 2 years now. I know I want top surgery. I know I want to look androgynous. But when it comes down to labels- trans man, demiboy, nonbinary, genderfluid, neutrois, you name it- I've tried everything under the sun and none of it... fits.

I wish I could just say "fuck gender", and that would be the end of it. But my autism *demands* a label. It needs to put things in neat little boxes. And this one refuses to be put in a box, changing constantly, but in a way that feels elusive and frustrating.

Does anyone else go through this? I've never heard of ANYONE going through gender questioning this long... there's always the stories about the "eureka moment" when they finally find their label. I feel like I just... can't find one of my own, and it's driving me nuts.

If anyone else has had this experience.and come out the other side, PLEASE speak up. I don't want to be alone anymore.

Submitted July 1, 2023

37 notes · View notes

pansyfemme · 3 months

Note

hey i just found your blog and wanted to let you know that your gender expression is exactly what i want for myself, but i'm so afraid of getting there.

I identified as nonbinary for four years before I started T and soon after that realized I was just a binary trans man. I used to dress pretty feminine a lot of the time, I used to wear a lot of makeup, jewelry, skirts and dresses, etc and I wasn't ashamed of it. I even would dress up in drag sometimes, and I still have all of that stuff. but I also had really severe dysphoria that was so debilitating. when I started T and first began to pass, I gained a bunch of weight and no longer fit a lot of my feminine clothes. And I stopped dressing feminine at all.

For months I was soaking up the euphoria of now passing as male, it was so amazing and such a huge relief. I liked being masculine a lot of the time, I gradually ended up turning into a bear, and I loved that. But eventually I started to miss my old style, I missed wearing makeup and I missed it all. I started wearing earrings again to work, my boss always comments on them that she loves them, and it makes me happy. But it's not enough.

I have really deeply ingrained internalized homophobia, it's probably something I need to work on but right now I have a lot else on my plate. I live in a blue state, in a progressive city, I've never experienced any LGBT hate personally directed at me, but the fear is still there. I'm also terrified of people assuming I'm nonbinary again, because I know with my heart that isn't me. I'm a man, there is no question to my maleness at all to me. It took me a long time to realize that. Even now that I pass, my dysphoria fears are still there, and I fear that dressing how I want to would cause people to misgender me again, but this time as nonbinary instead of female.

I have a bunch of money in gift cards at this one costume/vintage store I got most of my old stuff at, I want to go and revamp my closet with stuff that fits me now, but I'm so afraid now that I pass as male. I'm afraid of the judgmenet, trying to be a feminine man when I am neither skinny nor hairless.

Do you have any words of advice at all? Looking at the photos in your pinned post, you give me so much gender envy. And we're the same age. I wish I could get to where you are but I have so much fear preventing me. Thank you for your time, hope you are having a wonderful day <3

First of all, thank you for such a sweet honest message. It means a lot that I could be someone you think of to seek advice from.

Given your concerns, i cannot tell you that it's going to be easy. I'm also from a progressive city in a blue state, but even there, i get a lot of rude words shouted from cars, laughs at me, and a lot of hurtful statements pretty reguarly. I also have that issue of people assuming im detranstioning or nonbinary. I'm not saying these things to caution you against it, because I continue to dress the way I do regardless of these things, but I want to be fully honest about how I experience going out in public the way I do. I'm lucky enough to have very supportive friends, teachers and classmates, that are both positive towards, and downright thrilled about the way I present.

I feel very similarly towards my maleness. I identified with various labels in middle and highschool, but remained he/him pronouns and leaned masculine until i realized that perhaps I was just a man who enjoyed presenting femininly. The original transition back to dressing feminine happened while i was still identifying as nonbinary, but already on hrt. For a period of time, i decided to present very differently. I was on hrt, but i shaved all my body hair, wore heavy makeup, and i still had my chest at the time, so i essentially presented as what most would percieve as a cis female but continued to use he/him. This wasn't an act of detransiton, it was actually based on consistant bodyshaming i recieved from another trans person in my life. I'm just spelling this out because at different times in my transiton, i have presented as masculine, feminine, androgynous and something in between both before and after medical transiton. I still have days I choose to take on a more masculine apperance in public for various reasons, though I no longer have the ability to pass as a cis woman. I believe that gender presentation is fully fluid, and I've become pretty comfortable moving between different states of being even when my idenity remains static. What you are percieved as externally has very little to do with your internal idenity, and being fluid in presentation doesn't mean your personal identity is fluid.

For me, the best ways I could manage presenting the way I do is the fact that I have a personal network of people who are very confidently supportive of my choices, as well as seeing a regular therapist who encouraged my crossdressing after seeing how happy it made me. You have to be aware that even if you are already visably queer, this will increase it signifigantly. Queer visability can be good, and theres no way to entirely turn off your visability, but understanding that dressing like this can become stressful or anxiety inducing is a big factor. I, for example, never use gendered public restrooms unless i am presenting masculinely. The main positives of dressing this way is that it can feel really genuine. I don't feel like a girl in makeup and skirts, I feel and look like how I am. You'll also notice a decline in people gendering you specifically transmasculinly. Yes, people will assume you're trans, but you will be left to tell people your actual identity. While having they/them used on you can be an issue, I find people ask your pronouns a lot more often when they can't directly assume he/him or she/her. This has led to me gaining a lot of control over my own coming out, and me being able to tell someone my idenity in my words because they can't fit into boxes immediatly. So yes, people may assume you are nonbinary. However, this can manifest in different ways, including people being less likely to assume things as all, if that makes sense.

The issue with being fat and hairy and presenting femininly can manifest in a lot of ways. It's just an assumption that people make that a man who presents femininly must be skinny, hairless, and submissive. The power we have is being able to show people that that isn't reflective of our community. As a guy on here who's gained a lot of following specifically for being a feminine man who is not what people may expect by that description has lead to a lot of people telling me they've experimented a lot more with gender presentation, and that means a lot. I cannot tell you that people will be polite about it. However, I have experienced a lot of love towards me because of those aspects of me as well, and that's really exciting.

I appriciate the ask. sorry it took a few days.

19 notes · View notes

sylvaridreams · 2 months

Text

Sage said something regarding Alba's new in-game fit about that he's finally playing around with his gender which is unfortunately (?) Not the case! Alba's relationship to gender is that he has one. And it's one of the boring default ones and you don't need to look closely at it at all. So please don't look at him.

He is a cis man, and he genuinely is, and he knows this because he HAS examined "what do I want, what do I need?" And the answer to both has always been "be a man." The ideas of womanhood or of being nonbinary or agender or all both something else entirely are ideas that make him MISERABLE. He doesn't WANT to be anything other than a man.

The ISSUE is that Alba deep down (not very deep) is gnc (but hiding it from everyone, himself included.) He refuses to acknowledge this. He Knows there are countless ways to be a man; he has gnc people and feminine men and trans people in his life that he loves and respects and he has no disagreement with their lived experiences or identities or anything. It boils down to that Alba thinks it is his ONLY OPTION (for him, personally!) to squeeze himself into a miniscule box of "masculine man" and never move or breathe so the box doesn't collapse trying to hold him. This is a "rules for me, not for thee" thing.

People around him can clearly see SOMETHING is up with Alba in terms of gender or related stuff. Something is going on that he's burying deep. It's not hard to catch a glimpse of how miserable he seems over certain things. Yao tried cracking his egg and had no luck with it. Turned to Alba's companions once he was out of earshot, like you folks ARE seeing this right, there's SOMETHING there, and the response boiled down to "Yes we know, he just won't let anyone bring it up, he won't DO anything about it." And Yao was like .....🧍 I think I can fix him--

It's this huge dolyak in the room at times that's treated more like a skeleton in the closet. We just dont talk about it. He doesn't want to. He'll get there when he's ready, maybe. And it probably boils down to some deep seeded self hatred and belief that he hasn't earned happiness, but even he doesn't grasp that as the issue. He "has to" be masculine but he's so awful at it and it's not fun or enjoyable. He can't and shouldn't want to be any degree of feminine, he's not ALLOWED to approach that, so when he catches himself, eyes lingering on cute clothes that anyone else in the world would be allowed to wear, he feels like he deserves some sort of punishment for failing to not want it.

If Alba were able to actually rationally process his feelings about himself and approach this topic without melting down and hiding and piling more layers atop the answer and ask "what would make me Happy" and could stop from recoiling in fear and anger from the first genuine answer and then correcting himself with "no I wanna be masc" then MAYBE he could work out that he IS a gnc cis man with a really fucked up relationship to his own gender, his own body, and himself in general. Maybe he could admit that he IS feminine in a lot of ways, that he DOES want to wear certain things that he's disallowed himself, that he punishes and berates himself for looking at.

But he won't allow himself to approach the topic from an angle that isn't defensive and afraid and angry and hateful towards himself, for not meeting his own expectations of what is acceptable For Alba.

And I think maybe this comes to a sudden and unexpected head when he does something impulsive and stupid and wrong and he tries to stop himself and can't. He buys something (a skirt) out of a Canthan mail order company and then panics and stakes out the mail for a week waiting for it to arrive because he needs to destroy it when it gets there before anyone can see that he lost this battle of wills. And it gets delivered and he hides the box in a closet for days before bringing it back out to get rid of it.

But he makes the mistake of looking at it first. And it hurts to look at because it's something he wants, but it has to go. But uh. If he tries it on first. Maybe that will fix him and this impulse will go away forever and ever. But it doesn't. He puts the skirt on and it doesn't change things, it doesn't permanently satisfy him and now he will never care or want it again. It devastates him looking in the mirror knowing that he Wants to keep it.

And then the door opens and he and Canach are staring at each other in shock like. A: oh I have to die actually it's the only way, and C: by the tree he's DOING something about it. Canach shuts the door behind him and they're both dead silent and Alba just has this feeling of hollow, miserable shame.

And Alba starts crying the minute Canach starts talking, the second he mentions the outfit. "You look nice in that. What's wrong?" And it's SUCH a non-conversation. Canach can't work out how to approach this because he's supportive of whatever Alba is doing, he loves him regardless of who or what he is, but Alba doesn't want love and compliments and acceptance because he's the one person in the world who doesn't deserve it. He deserves to be punished for this in some grand cosmic way.

Canach asks if he'd be happier as a woman or something else, and Alba just melts down. No, I don't want that, I'm a man and I want to be one, I shouldn't have done this I'm sorry. And he's not calming down or taking any rational position on this, his feelings about himself and "what Alba is allowed to do vs everyone else" DON'T make sense to anyone but him, and eventually Canach has to be like Alba I shouldn't have to sneak around our house to try to CATCH YOU in moments of genuine happiness. How do you think it feels knowing you're refusing yourself joy out of some twisted view of what you're "supposed" to be. Don't you think that hurts me? Why are you required to operate under different standards than anyone else? You're not that important, get over yourself.

(Canach actually has figured this out that he has to word things this way A Lot, "your behavior matters not only because it hurts you but because it hurts OTHERS, it hurts ME." Only way to get him to start caring.)

I don't think they're able to make any significant progress but Canach does convince him not to get rid of or destroy the skirt, it's not hurting you, you can wear it at home, in our room if it makes you happy. Then says something crass and unrepeatable. And Alba halfheartedly resists and then relents. Like, fine.... whatever YOU want...

Anyway someday Alba will manage to deal with one of his ten million problems! But for now he is sad and wet forever. :)

#alba #loreposting #love to make things be issues for him.

8 notes · View notes

multigenderswag · 11 months

Note

people are only trans/nonbinary allies when it suits THEIR identity and it sickens me.

it’s so widespread I can’t even do anything about it except seethe in silence because I don’t want to get hunted down and embarrassed again.

if people could look outside of what accepting trans/nb people would mean for THEIR sexuality for one fucking second i guarantee you there would be less discourse in this dumpster fire of community

yes, this is about man lesbians/woman gays.

I saw someone call a demiboy lesbian “straight” and then have the audacity to say “nonbinary lesbians are valid!1!”. PICK A FUCKING SIDE.

hi yes last anon i forgot my last point so-called “trans allies” also like to ignore the idea of male and female not being mutually exclusive. I pray they get their asses handed to them one day by some fellow multigender folk because at this point direct confrontation is the only that that’ll get them to see the cold light of day and stop being part of the problem. they don’t like to accept us because they can’t handle the thought of being attracted to the opposite gender, even if it’s in the most slim way- so much so that they can’t see that *we’re not forcing them to DATE us, we’re asking them to ACCEPT and INCLUDE us.* if there’s someone in a community they don’t want to date it’s fine until that person happens to be genderqueer/trans/enby. and that’s very telling about how accepting they really are.

Trans liberation, and honestly any kind of activism for any marginalized group, would not be possible if people only ever stood up for their own identity. We need to support each other in order to have any strength.

Some people really will only expand their view of sexuality and gender until they find something that fits, and then stop there, and don't bother learning about or advocating for anyone else. And that's not how activism works! If aroallo people like me never made any effort to understand and accept and stand up for asexual folks, the aspec community as a whole wouldn't get very far. And like you said, if trans/nonbinary people only cared about their own gender identity, and never made an effort to learn about and stand up for the variety of trans/nonbinary identities that exist in the community, the trans community wouldn't get very far!

It's disgusting to insist that someone's sexuality is something they say it isn't. Did that demiboy identify as straight? If the answer to that is no, don't call them straight. It's very simple, really.

Did they not hear the contradiction? Do they listen to themselves speak? At this point, I'm convinced some of the "lesbian means NON MEN loving NON MEN" crowd includes nonbinary lesbians because they see nonbinary people as women. Nonbinary can mean woman with short hair or woman who uses they/them pronouns or maybe even woman who got top surgery, but god forbid nonbinary lesbians call themselves men or go on T or get bottom surgery or be someone who was assigned male at birth and doesn't want to medically transition. Basically, they only support nonbinary people if they can conveniently view them as "basically a woman."

There's no way to be a trans ally if you view "male" and "female" as mutually exclusive or as polar opposites. That shit is Gender Binary 101, and deconstructing it should be one of the first steps of being a trans ally. It shouldn't be something that other trans and nonbinary people believe so commonly. Not only does this mindset exclude multigender people who are both men and women, but it hurts binary trans people who are connected to or feel like they used to be their assigned gender.

"We can't accept men who identify as lesbians, because then they will invade lesbian spaces and force lesbians to date them." Does this sound like TERF talking about lesbian trans women, or a so-called trans ally talking about multigender lesbians? Trick question, it sounds like both, because they're practically indistinguishable from each other. So many trans allies, even trans/nonbinary people themselves, will make the exact same arguments as TERFs and not see a single thing wrong with it, and it's awful.

You're not helping the trans community if you only accept identities that are convenient for you.

#lesbian #multigender lesbian #male lesbian #transmultiphobia #damn i went off. shoutout to anyone who read this far #sexuality #asks

36 notes · View notes

greenbergsays · 10 months

Note

Okay but I’ve been in this body for forty four years and literally just in the last two months I think I’ve finally figured out my gender. Think being the key word, we’ll see if it sticks. I’m AFAB and just always kinda assumed I was cis cause well, I wasn’t trans. But I realized that I also don’t care about how I’m gendered or pronouned, it’s all eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to me, use what you want. Then I heard someone use the term “gender apathetic” and YES. That’s it, sounds perfect to me. So I’m not cis, trans or some secret third thing, I just don’t care 🤣

I don't really know what I am, except that I don't think I'm cisgendered hence why I've taken on nonbinary. It's a nice umbrella term, like "queer," that says, "who knows but Not That."

I don't even know why it matters to me to understand it at this stage in my life, because I've never actually cared before beyond the stubborn belief that what's between my legs shouldn't dictate anything about my life, including how I'm viewed or treated

[Side note: I have always intensely hated that men will not allow me, an AFAB/fem-presenting person, to hold the door open for them as a courtesy, and my mother has never really understood why I have such a problem with them refusing to walk through said door]

The only reason I can think of on why it matters is I've spent my whole life feeling Othered in one way or another and every time I find a label that explains why I feel a particular way, it settles that part of wounded-teenager-slash-inner-child that's convinced that I'm broken. Because if there's a label, that means a bunch of other people the same way and I'm not alone or weird.

That being said, I've spent more than half my life being Aunt [Dessie] and I can't see that changing to any other title. Like, weirdly, Aunt and Sister and even Daughter don't feel gendered to me, it's part of who I am and if I'm any of those things but my brain sort of slides sideways when I'm referred to as a girl/woman, then...well, then nothing is as cut and dry as everyone wants to make it out to be

idk man, the human brain is just super messy and complicated and the fact that we try to put everyone into boxes when those boxes never fit quite right is just weird and very, very sad

I wish it didn't matter and we could just BE without worrying about having to explain ourselves or face repercussions because we feel This Way instead of That Way

#nani asks #greenberg replies #gender and sexuality #note to self: stop writing out your feelings at 11pm you get weird #and a little morose

26 notes · View notes