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mademoisellehypergamy · 3 years

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✨ CREATING A PERSONA FOR HYPERGAMY & SOCIAL CLIMBING ✨

The votes are in and “Persona” won! Ladies, get the notebooks out. Class is in session. And this is gonna be a long one.

Be honest with me: Are you currently your ideal woman? The majority of you will probably answer honestly and say no. And there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. The harsh reality is most women on their hypergamous journey aren’t even close to being the ideal woman they aspire to be. Hell, the average woman (hypergamous or not) will probably live her life never being able to become that woman, if we’re being completely honest here.

I believe every hypergamous woman should create and adopt a persona. You are who you believe to be. When I was younger, my teachers and parents told me I was academically gifted. So guess what? I believed the same! That pushed me to work even harder in school. Same concept applies here. You are who you believe to be. A persona isn’t a “fake” version of you. It is you. Your ideal person. It is malleable, so it can change at anytime. Just like you changed throughout your life.

STEP 0 - WHY YOU SHOULD ADOPT A PERSONA

✨Not Everyone Will Win the Birth Lottery. But that doesn’t mean you can’t rewrite your past, and repave your future path. Let’s face it: some of you were born into bad circumstances; abusive families, poverty, toxic relationships, obstacles and barriers, etc. And some of you are living lives currently that you aren’t satisfied with: stressful job, health issues, bad environment, *insert sob story here*, blah, blah, blah, woe is me! But should your current and past conditions get in the way of your hypergamous journey? No! Absolutely not.

✨You Can’t Be the Same Basic B*tch Forever. Okay b*tch, when you were being “true to yourself” in the past, look where it got you. Probably in a less than favorable situation. Congratulations for being an authentic basic b*tch! 🥳😊

Ladies, change is necessary. When you started your hypergamous journey, you underwent a change. Are you saying your hypergamous self is fake? Of course it isn’t! It’s still you, just an “elevated you”. One that is more aware and knows what she wants.

✨ Most People Don’t Even Know Who TF They Are. It’s sad, but true. Most people are lost and suppressing their true desires and personality. I’m here encouraging you ladies to create your ideal persona and to become this woman. Because this woman is who you are deep inside, who you want to be. Stop hiding her! Create her, and become her! As long as this person isn’t harming anyone, there is no reason you shouldn’t chase your dream self.

STEP 1 - CHOOSE & CREATE YOUR PERSONA

This is the fun part ladies! Time to choose and create your new persona!

✨ What Kind of Woman Do You Aspire to Be? Have fun with this ladies! What kind of woman have you always dreamt of becoming? Is she wildly intelligent and beautiful? Or perhaps she has a heart of gold and is adored by all? Nothing is off limits. This is you.

For those of you who are truly struggling, below I have included a few examples of common personas. If you don’t know where to begin, choose one as the “foundation” and build on it. Make it your own!

*Disclaimer: Anyone that I mentioned/included below is simply for inspiration. Not all of these women are hypergamous. This is just for inspiration*

1. The Socialite/ The “It” Girl: This is the girl that everyone knows. She’s always at a party with a glass of champagne, wearing the latest styles, and living the BEST life. She’s glamorously unattainable and few have access to her, but somehow she’s a part of every social circle.

Inspiration: Jamie Chua (https://www.instagram.com/ec24m/)

2. The Traveler: This is the girl that travels constantly. Whether it’s across the globe or to a different state/town, she’s always on the go! No one seems to know how she funds her lifestyle because she always appears to be traveling and never working. Her pictures are always on point and high quality, with a combination of bikini pictures, relaxing scenery, exotic foods, and endless hotels.

Inspiration: Jennifer Tuffen (https://www.instagram.com/izkiz/)

3. The Influencer: Think of the ultimate Instagram Baddie; perfect body (usually because of surgery), full lips, carefully applied makeup, nails always done, hair on point. She is sponsored by all the clothes brands, and lives lavishly. She’s always out at a restaurant and traveling. Typically dresses in more revealing clothes/lots of bikinis. What differentiates her from the Socialite? The degree of elegance and class. While the Socialite gives you an “heiress” vibe, the Influencer is more on the “flashy celebrity” side.

Inspiration: Kaylar Will (https://www.instagram.com/kaylarwill/)

4. Femme Fatale: She rarely posts on social media, but when she does, it only makes you question her existence more. This girl is beautifully sensual, and her social media only reveals bits and pieces of her life. She is an entire mystery, no one knows about her private life. One day she’ll be flying from London, the next she’ll be visiting an art gallery She’ll sometimes post images of gifted roses with poetry captions. She oozes seduction and dark mystery.

Inspiration: Dita Von Teese (https://www.instagram.com/ditavonteese) Now I thought long and hard about who to choose for this one, and if you take a moment to look at Dita’s IG account, you will understand why. You will notice that the ONLY thing she posts about is her clothes/lingerie brand or things relating to business. She reveals nothing about her personal life. Every post is promotion about her business. In fact, the last time she posted something about her “life” was on October 8th when she posted her CAT modeling another designer’s scarf. She’s a very discreet woman, and it works in her favor.

5. Girl Next Door: You know that basic b*tch that’s SUPER popular for no reason? This is her. From her Starbucks to her Tiktoks, she’s just your average girl living her life. In a way, she isn’t a threat because she seems approachable, relatable, and friendly enough through social media. Something about her aspires others that they can achieve a similar lifestyle. She’s terribly basic, but somehow, it works.

Inspiration: Loren Gray (https://www.instagram.com/loren/)

6. Exotica: *This persona is best suited for women of color* She is exotically beautiful and unique. She is a trendsetter, not a follower. She has an air of heightened sexuality, with a touch of grounded-spirituality. Something about her is wild and untamed, and she oozes excitement and adventure.

Inspiration: Monica Leon, or “Danger”. Now if you’re in my generation, you may remember the reality show “For the Love of Ray J” (which was ghetto btw💀). To this day, one girl that I will NEVER forget on that show, was “Danger”, the girl with the tiger tattoo on her face and that NO ONE liked, but Ray J was obsessed with. Although she no longer is on Instagram (and has since legally changed her name), I still believe she naturally embodied that exotic and mysterious woman persona. I recommend watching the show for free on Youtube just to observe her (and only her because the other women were pickme’s 💀)

7. The Luxurious Diamond: This woman is the epitome of class and elegance. She exudes femininity and grace, and holds an air of mystery by only showing us bits and pieces of her life. What we see is soft luxuries, wineries, beautiful clothes/scenery, and a life of comfort. She balances a mature, elegant, ladylike presence, with subtle girly-youthfulness.

Inspiration: Г-жа Анисимова https://www.instagram.com/creme_de.la_femme/

✨How Does She Look Like? From her hair to how she wears her makeup, be able to create a vivid description of her appearance. Being able to do this will show you where to work on with your current appearance.

✨Personality We all have traits about ourselves that we don’t like. This is your chance to identify your traits that you love and maximize them, while also working on the aspects of your personality that are a bit more problematic.

It’s important to recognize that some “negative” traits are not really negative. Society just shames us for them. For example, “The Socialite” persona may be polite, but that doesn’t mean she’s super open and friendly with everyone. Not everyone is her friend, and she is naturally unattainable. So why would she be super friendly to everyone? Some may call her “standoffish”, but I call it “selective”.

✨Past Self? Not a Problem. So let’s say you had a less than perfect childhood and endured a lot of trauma. Not a problem, just reinvent your past! Now I’m not saying to straight up lie and make up a crazy story about how you grew up with billionaire parents and traveled the globe. I’m saying adopt a realistic story that’ll help you on your journey.

For example, if your date were to ask about your past, instead of telling him how tragic your childhood was and how you were homeless and abused by your parents, and no longer have a relationship with them, you can say: “I moved around a lot as a child (“homelessness”), so I really enjoyed being able to interact with a lot of different people (make the negative seem positive). My parents still move around a lot, so it’s hard for us to meet (explains why you aren’t in contact with your parents).

Reword and reframe, ladies. Not everyone needs to know everything.

STEP 2 - BRING HER TO LIFE

✨Remove. You cannot embrace your new persona, your new IDENTITY, if you are still stuck in the past. And that includes past connections that do not serve you. Some of your old friends (college friends, childhood friends, etc.) are not meant to accompany you on this journey. And that’s OKAY. Same with other toxic relationships in your life, family included. You will have to decide who to keep, and who to distance yourself from.

✨ Social Media! I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post, but social media is the easiest way for you to push your new persona. You control the content that goes on your social media, so even if you haven’t fully embodied your new persona, you can sure as hell fake it on social media.

- Unless your persona is a socialite/influencer type, avoid posting too often. - Be consistent; if you retouch your images, make sure its consistent with all your photos. - Be mindful of what people tag you in/post about you. You know that “friend” who always posts the ugliest pictures of you? Yeah. They’re not your friend, hun.

✨Dress. The. Part. Okay, sis. You can have the personality down perfectly, but if the look doesn’t match, no one will buy it. Your look is the first thing people notice, so invest in it. It doesn’t cost a lot, especially with fast fashion sites like Shein that sells clothes for $5. Just be able to keep up the appearance.

✨ Immerse Yourself in the Environment. Looking the part and having the right personality is not enough, ladies! It wouldn’t make sense for you to be a “Socialite” sharing pictures of you eating at Red Lobster and Olive Garden every night. It wouldn’t make sense for the “Traveler” persona to share only bathroom selfies in her apartment. You have to live like the woman you aspire to be, and that includes placing yourself in those environments.

If you are not in the place financially to do so, learn to project the image without spending money. Ex: If you can’t afford to go to Hawaii, go to your local beach and take bomb ass pictures. Don’t tag the location. People will automatically see a beach in your picture and assume you are on vacation traveling. Get creative, ladies.

✨You Owe Them Nothing. Ladies! Remember you don’t owe anyone anything. Not an explanation, not your time, nothing. So if you are living this new persona and people are asking questions you don’t want to answer: don’t. This is your life.

STEP 3 - YOUR PERSONA WHILE DATING HYPERGAMOUSLY & SOCIAL CLIMBING

So now that you have created your ideal persona, and taken the steps to incorporate it into your life, how can you use your newfound persona to aid you on your hypergamous journey and while social climbing?

✨Infiltrate New Circles. Your persona should be someone exciting and enticing. People love befriending people who are happy and adventurous. Use your persona to befriend others and enter new social circles. You can do this through: - Social media; follow similar accounts to yours and interact with them. - Activities related to your persona; Let’s say you adopted the “The Luxurious Diamond” persona and started visiting wineries. You may notice when you go that there are regulars; identify the regulars and use your common interest of wine to strike a conversation. -Interest groups; join clubs/groups that help you reach your goals. For example, “The Traveler” may have always wanted to travel to Bali, but didn’t want to go alone. She joins a travel group to meet other likeminded inviduals and meets a travel buddy. This person ends up introducing her to others who also enjoy traveling.

✨ Be a Chameleon. You should never be set on just one persona. Like I said earlier, your persona should always be malleable. You should be able to change yourself to your benefit, and always be open to expansion. When it comes to dating, a man may “want” a certain type of woman, but the secret is that most men just want a woman who is open to possibilities. I remember a man who used to be on my roster who loved music. This man was always insisting on taking me to operas and symphonies. And he too was a musician (I really don’t like dating musicians, but that’s a topic for another day), so whenever he was performing he would have me sitting in the box so I’d have an “undisturbed” experience. Now ladies, I’m not into music AT ALL. But I was open and willing, and guess what? The man adored it, and he adored me even more! He spoiled me like crazy and would serenade me with music he wrote about me because I was his “muse”. Although I ended up ghosting him, I definitely appreciate a good opera now!

✨Be Larger than Life to Entice. The attractive part about these personas is the fact that it feels almost fake. The image that is portrayed is almost mythical, like something out of a fantasy. You can’t believe this girl is traveling so much, or you can’t believe this girl still has a social life in the middle of a pandemic! It’s unbelievable, but that’s what makes us so intrigued. Men especially love fantasy. That’s why many men have a “dream girl”, a woman that embodies their physical and emotional fantasies. They love the impossible. It’s also important to remember that you are always being watched. People see you, whether in person or on social media, and when they see someone or something more interesting than their mundane life, curiosity will get the best of them. They’ll be drawn to you and want to know you.

✨ The Persona Advantage. Creating a persona is supposed to help your journey. The purpose is to reinvent yourself into someone who will help you better navigate your hypergamous life. For example, if you are trying to get into more exclusive, affluent circles, creating a persona who is skilled in social and dining etiquette would be more beneficial than a persona that’s an Instagram Influencer. Being an Instagram Baddie that wears Fashion Nova won’t help you at a Charity Gala. So be sure to think of what you desire in life to shape yourself into that. Don’t just become someone who won’t get you to where you want to be.

This post will definitely have a Part 2 in the future, but in conclusion: You can be whoever you want to be as long as you play the role. Be an actress in your own life, and live the life you desire.

Well ladies, I’ll be away for Valentine’s day weekend. Wishing you all a wonderful and safe weekend ❤️ Lots of love.

Follow my IG for more: @mademoisellehypergamy

#mhlessons #hypergamy #hypergamous #black hypergamy #hypergamy tips #black femininity #keptwoman #kept wife #spoiled girlfriend #spoiled gf #spoiled heaux #black girls in luxury #black women in luxury #luxury lifestyle #black women in leisure #black women in femininity #sugaring tips #sugaring

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floralseokjin · 3 years

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⤑ made-up love song drabbles

First date: Seokjin’s POV

kim seokjin x reader warnings; none! words; 2,196 words

↪︎ read the series here / and drabbles here

Seokjin felt like a drink. It was nine o’clock in the morning, so absolutely out of the question, but it didn’t stop him from craving it. Whiskey. Definitely whiskey. Nana’s PA had just been to pick up Arin for the weekend – Thank God. Finally she would be able to spend time with her mom after a month, which he was over the moon about, and selfishly, that meant his date with you could go ahead. Even if he was so nervous he could throw up.

Work had been a great distraction for the past two days but once he’d woken up this morning the realisation had dawned on him. He was going on a date tonight. His first in a decade. He still couldn’t believe he’d actually gone through with it and asked you to dinner. He’d faced his fears, possibly made a fool of himself and shared too much about his personal life in the process, but you hadn’t seemed to mind at all. You were so easy to talk to, it was refreshing. He’d felt brave for the first time in months – years. But it still didn’t stop him from being on pins as soon as he’d opened his eyes this morning.

He’d showered early, just after Arin had woken up and then he’d helped her get ready for the day too, allowing her to eat her breakfast in front of the television as he tried to swallow down his bowl of porridge too. It tasted like cardboard – but then again, it might have been his cooking. Misook usually made the food around her, when he wasn’t dining out or ordering take out of course.

Arin had noticed his strange mood straight away. Obviously.

“Daddy, what’s wrong with you this morning?” She’d asked, looking over at him warily before hesitating. “I am spending the weekend with mom, right?”

“Of course you are, sweetie” he’d rushed, shaking away the surge of anger he’d felt. It pained him to know she was always expecting the worst lately. “Your mom just text me to say Jia is on her way.”

She’d smiled then, her face lighting up and he couldn’t help but match it, his nerves disappearing for a while. That was until he was left all alone, the house now empty and silent. He eyed the bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter (where he’d left it after his small nightcap last night) and shook his head. He should drop you a text, just to check in and see if you were still on for tonight. He needed to find out what time to pick you up anyway. He probably should have messaged you the day before, he panicked suddenly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled his phone from his sweatpants pocket. Oh well, there was no time for regrets, that’s what his father always said.

It took him at least ten minutes to figure out what to say. His first draft sounded too cheerful, too false, he was trying way too hard and had added an examination point. His second was too formal, fifteen years of sending business emails back and forth obvious. He settled on something in the middle – he hoped.

Unknown (9:32am) Hi Y/N, It’s Kim Seokjin, Arin’s father. Just wondering if you still want to have dinner tonight? If so, please let me know and I will send through the restaurant details. We can decide on a time for me to pick you up. Regards, Seokjin

Only, reading it back after he hit send he began to second guess himself. Of course you knew who he was, his confidence might be lacking a little right now but he knew he wasn’t totally forgettable. What an idiot. Not that he could do much, there was no turning back. He’d committed.

He busied himself with a bit of Saturday morning cleaning while he waited for your reply, and by that he meant straightening up the pillows he and Arin had been sitting against earlier. When he returned to the kitchen, your message was waiting for him.

You (9:43am) Of course, send the details. I trust your taste!

See, exclamation points suited you. It was cute. He could just imagine you saying it in person, your dazzling smile, maybe that little giggle you’d made a few times on Wednesday. He felt something warm in his chest as he got lost in his thoughts, nerves easing once again. You were excited for tonight, he told himself. Maybe you were even just as nervous as him possibly…

He spent yet another few minutes composing his reply. A lot more casual this time, signing off with just his name. He didn’t always text like this, Namjoon could vouch for him, but he didn’t think you were both quite there yet. He wanted to show his best self after all. He wanted to impress you. He wanted to make you like him as much as he liked you.

Seokjin (9:50am) The sudden pressure… The restaurant’s name is KIM. I hope you like it. Is 7 alright to pick you up? I made reservations for 7:30. Seokjin

In truth, this restaurant was one he co-owned with his brother. Seokchul was the executive chef and they were both very proud of how successful their business venture had become. He knew taking you to such a place might seem like a cop-out – or worse, a brag – but that wasn’t the case at all. He wanted to treat you in a place that meant a lot to him. He could have chosen multiple restaurants, he was a regular at quite a few and could easily get a great table, but see, that did seem like he was showing off and he did not want to give you that impression at all. It was the complete opposite of his personality. KIM was a good choice, he was sure of it, and it helped that his brother didn’t work weekends, so there was no risk of bumping into him. Although, he had let him know about the date (and had begged him not to spill to their mother).

You (9:52am) I will. 7 sounds perfect. I’ll send through my address. See you later!

You followed up with a Google Maps link to your home, and he sent a quick thank you – sans his name this time. With a quick sigh he pocketed his phone again, it was time to get on with his day. He had some paperwork from yesterday to complete by Monday morning so he should probably make a start. He stopped to order a light lunch at midday, ate it as he scrolled through his very limited social media before getting back to it.

He called it a day around 3pm, a call from his mom interrupting his flow. He spent an hour talking, their weekend phone calls were habitual by now and he enjoyed them immensely. He loved his father of course, but their conversations mostly revolved around work. Despite stepping down as CEO three years ago, he was still a vital member of the company, and Seokjin continued to consult him at every opportunity and lean on him for support when things got stressful. With his mom, she was the woman he could still be a kid around. They could talk about anything and everything, but for her own benefit he left out his plans for tonight. He knew what she was like, she’d get way too excited and overwhelmed and before long she’d be sobbing down the line while simultaneously asking to meet you. She’d been wanting him to meet someone new for so long, much like Mrs. Shin. It was a surprise the two women weren’t conspiring behind his back.

No, he’d keep it a secret for now. If things went well tonight, then possibly his mother would get to find out. He wasn’t getting his hopes up though – or at least he was trying not to.

It was just after four when he got off the phone, too early to start getting ready just yet, so he sat in front of the television and tried to concentrate on a series he’d recently started. (It wasn’t going well. He was on about one episode a week out of a nine season TV show.) It was no use though, the nerves were rearing their ugly head again.

He decided to choose his outfit. Seokjin wasn’t much of a thinker when it came to fashion, he just grabbed whatever he saw first that morning, but tonight he wanted to at least put some effort in. After much deliberation he decided on a navy two piece paired with a white dress shirt. It wasn’t over the top, he thought, but nice enough to make that impression that was so very important to him. He kept his hair simple. He’d managed to squeeze in a haircut yesterday so it made things easier, but upon closer inspection in the mirror he noticed those pesky grey hairs of his glittering in the sunlight. He grimaced, worried now. He didn’t know your exact age yet, but it was obvious he was a few years older than you. He was no spring chicken, especially with those wrinkles around his eyes. He had been called handsome all his life, no stranger to it, but right now he was dubious.

He pushed his trivial concerns away and concentrated on the next decision. What car he would take. He didn’t want to go too flash – again with the showing off thing – so the Aston Martin was definitely off the cards. He hadn’t actually driven that one much, going through some sort of so-called midlife crisis when he’d bought it straight after his divorce, so he made a mental note to take it out next weekend. He decided on the Mercedes convertible (roof on, of course). It seemed like a suitable choice, not too flashy at all really. He didn’t want to run the risk of putting you off him or overwhelming you with showy displays. He was well aware of the differences between your lifestyles, not that he cared at all, but it didn’t stop him from understanding. The things that seemed slight to him could very well be enormous for you. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, shape or form.

Shit, on second thoughts maybe his restaurant was a bad idea…

Seokjin was always punctual, he prided himself on it, but tonight it made him nervous. He’d said 7 but it had only just gone quarter to. He couldn’t very well stay in the car for fifteen minutes, you’d spot him out the window, so ever so slowly he opened his car door and stepped out, his heart thudding against his ribcage. He was sure he noticed his hand shaking as he closed it behind him. He was such a mess it was embarrassing.

You lived in a nice little neighbourhood, it seemed quiet, and he admired your pots of flowers in the patch of garden you had as he made his way up the path that led to your front door. He took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, adjusting his suit jacket as he waited for you to open up. It’s fine, Seokjin, he told himself. It’s just dinner. You’ve done much scarier things in your life. Pull yourself together, man.

A few seconds later the door opened in front of him and you came into view, looking as beautiful as ever. I’m fucked, he thought immediately.

“Hi,“ he forced himself to say as he smiled. He was probably staring but he couldn’t help himself. You looked stunning, your dress deep red in colour and incredibly flattering. His throat felt dry and he swallowed quickly.

“Hey,” you greeted back.

“You look beautiful,“ he couldn’t help but awe, hoping he wasn’t stepping out of line with his compliment.

"Thank you,” you smiled almost shyly. It was adorable. “You look…really good.“

He couldn’t help but burst out laughing at that, aware the sound was probably highly unfaltering, but he couldn’t help it. "I’ll take it. Thanks.” He tilted his head to the right then, composing himself. “Are you ready to go? I’m a bit early, I know. Sorry about that."

He really couldn’t tear himself away from your beauty, but luckily you didn’t seem to notice, busy nodding as you clutched your purse to your side. "I, uh… I would invite you in to kill time but my best friend’s embarrassing.” Your voice raised as you continued, your head turning slightly down the hallway.

He raised an eyebrow, a little confused, but he guessed said best friend was in the house somewhere? He smiled and shook his head. “It’s fine.”

As you stepped forward, a breath of a chuckle slipping from your throat, he moved to the side, outstretching his arm to let you lead the way. You accepted with a brief nod of your head, your gazes catching for a split second. God, you were gorgeous.

His nerves might have eased a tad, but his heart was still beating just as fast – if not more.

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

#seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #mls:drabbles #fic:mls #floralseokjin:writings

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thedeadflag · 3 years

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I’m so confused! I know it’s not your responsibility to educate me but in your post bringing awareness to the negative aspects of g!p fanfic you say

“Why do these g!p characters rarely if ever involve experiences reflective of trans/intersex women? Why are they so utterly cis and perisex-washed? Why do nearly all writers have zero idea that tucking is a thing? “

Doesn’t that answer your original question? The reason they don’t reflect those groups of ppl is bc g!p isn’t trying to represent those groups of people or else it WOULD be transphobic to limit them to one specific fetish right? it just refers to a canonically female character with the addition of a penis (I don’t argue the name “g!p” should be changed bc that’s a no brainer why that could be offensive). But the fanfic in general, how could it be harmful? I’ve noticed in my time reading it as a non binary person it’s given me great gender euphoria reading a reader insert where reader has a penis while being a femme representing person just bc that’s a reflection of my personal experience. I don’t see anywhere where g!p fanfic ever references or tries to emulate the experiences of trans or intersex people so how could it be offensive?

Sorry this is way too long I’m just very confused

I'm going to try and lay this out as politely as I can. It's after 3:30 in the morning here, so this could be a bit disjointed and rambling. More under the cut:

In real life, ~99.999999% of women with penises are trans women. Which puts us in a tricky situation of (A) being the only women with penises around for media involving women with penises to reflect back on, and (B) being in the lovely position of precious few people actually having had meaningful real life exposure to trans women, meaning (C.) all those stigmas and all that misinformation are going to purely affect us and it’s going to be uncritically gobbled up by the masses, since they don’t have any meaningful information to fill in the blanks with instead.

When we peer into the depths of femslash fandoms and see all these folks who aren't trans women writing about women with penises, and using cis women’s bodies as platforms for these penises, it’s the simplest thing.

I mean, some of those folks might actually be struggling and confused about why they’re into it, what the real appeal is, why they get off on it, why they might have some feelings about wanting a penis of their own…

…but from our vantage point, it’s really easy to gauge 99.99% of the time. We can generally see valid, legitimate yearning to have a penis pretty damn easily in a piece of art/writing, and we can also see when people who create this media are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization.

And 99.9% of the time, the creators are just hung up on a boatload of baggage and fetishization, and see trans women’s bodies as a perfect vehicle to tap into that, generally due to deeply held cissexist views that link us and our bodies and genitals directly to cis men, to maleness. As if penises are rooted in maleness and masculinity (which is absolutely not true).

And I have sympathy for NB folks (certainly TME ones who have reached out to me in the past about this) who might be struggling with that, but just because they’re non-binary, it doesn’t mean they get to appropriate our bodies and reproduce transmisogyny and trans fetishization in their attempts at feeling better. Shit doesn't work like that.

Because again, the only women with penises in this world, essentially, are trans women. Meaning any woman with a penis in media is a trans woman, implicitly or explicitly. Meaning that when people who aren’t us want to write us, intent doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if it’s just the writer’s fantasy, it’s still going to attach a variety of messages directly onto us.

And more often than not, due to cissexism, those messages are linking us to maleness, to toxic masculinity, etc..

While I do want to believe they're a fairly small minority, a lot of NB folks in fandom spaces like g!p characters in part because they see penises as male and the rest of the body as female and think that duality is interesting and would be comfortable, and is a nice balance of “both worlds” or a nice position “between male and female”, but that’s a wholly cissexist, transmisogynistic view to have, and it’s one that absolutely cannot be supported without directing sexual violence against trans women and invalidating our entire existence. Certainly not all NB folks into g!p like it for that reason, but holy shit a fair bit of them do and it’s weird and wrong and fetishistic.

g!p emerged from the idea that women can't have penises, and drew on the transmisogyny and cissexism of tr*nny porn to structure that frame of desire and the core patterns and trends within these works. It's always been trans women's bodies being used as a vehicle, whether or not the writers of these fics are explicitly aware of it, because the trope itself still holds true to its original patterns and cissexism. It's not the name that's the problem, it's the content; changing the name would be a surface level change that wouldn't affect anything.

g!p objectifies women with penises (trans women). A woman with a penis is more than just a woman with a penis, but the use of the term and trope is literally to (A) remind people that women don't have penises, otherwise the g!p term wouldn't be needed if people actually accepted women with penises as women, and that (B) this is a story centered on a scenario where there's a woman with a penis, with key focus on that genitalia specifically. it's the drawing point, it's the lure, it's what everything is centered on. It is a means for folks to write lesbian sex while also writing about penis in vagina and getting off to it. It's also no surprise that the penises so clearly emulate cis men's penises in these works, that is by design.

As I’ve said many times before, if you’re only writing trans women’s bodies to showcase cis men’s penises, you’re not respecting the womanhood of trans women, and this ultimately has nothing inherent to do with penis-owning women, it has to do with (cis) men and their penises, because trans women are just being used as a vehicle to emulate them. When NB folks do the same thing, and imagining themselves as those g!p characters, they are ultimately embodying cis men, their maleness, and often toxic masculinity, in a way that feels safe and distanced enough for them, a shell that they often code as cisnormative due to their own unprocessed cissexism.

And trans women don’t deserve that.

You seem caught in the idea that if something doesn't directly perfectly reflect trans women, that it can't be linked to us., which ignores the long long history of media being used to misrepresent marginalized peoples and cast us in insulting, dehumanizing lights. You show a lack of understanding of the g!p trope and the long history of its usage across a few other names, even if the content and patterns remained the same. It shows a lack of understanding of tr*nny porn and transmisogynistic stigmas, which the trope draws heavily from.

I think we can all recognize that most 'lesbian' prn that's made does not represent actual lesbians, it's overwhelmingly catered to the male gaze. We can also recognize that this category of porn has led to a lot of harassment towards lesbians from cis men who at the very least want to believe lesbians are just like they are in the porn he watches, that lesbians just need the right man. Lesbians are being used as a vehicle for a fantasy that was created externally to them, and doesn't represent their realities.

It's the same kind of situation here. The way g!p fics play out overwhelmingly doesn't reflect trans women's realities, but they are inherently linked to us regardless, as we're the vehicles for those fantasies, as unrealistic and harmful as they may be.

g!p characters are built in our fetishized image that’s based on a deeply cissexist misunderstanding of us, of the gender binary, and of bodies in general.

I mean, when 99% of cis folks don’t understand how trans women tend to be sexually intimate… when they don’t understand what dysphoria is and how it works and how it can affect us physically and emotionally…when they don’t understand almost any of our lived experiences…then they’re not going to be able to accurately portray us even if they wanted to.

And I’ve read enough g!p fics where authors wrote those as a means of trying to add trans rep, but because they didn’t understand us at all, it wasn’t remotely representative, and it was ultimately fetishistic, even if there was an undercurrent of sympathy and a lack of following certain common g!p patterns there that differentiated it from the norm.

If g!p fics were at all about reducing dysphoria or finding euphoria, then it wouldn’t be explicitly tied up in the performance of very specific sex acts, very specific forms of misogyny and toxic masculinity, very specific forms of sexual violence and exertion of sexual power, etc.

But it is.

So the notion that creating g!p fics helps NB folks? Nope. It CAN certainly prevent/delay those folks from facing a whole boatload of shit they’ve internalized, and coddle them at the expense of trans women.

Because if it was really about bodies and dysphoria/euphoria, there would be a considerable push (allying with out own) to end our fetishization and to represent us in and out of sexual contexts with accuracy, respect, and care. Because they wouldn’t care what sex acts were performed and what smut beats were hit, they’d just want to see someone with a body like their ideal being loved, being sexual, connecting, being authentic, etc. Which very much is not the case in the overwhelming majority of g!p fics. That's what we want, and it's not what g!p writers want, it's nothing they give a shit about.

Like, a ways back I started doing random pulls of g!p fics from various fandoms and assessing them for certain elements to provide some quantitative clarity. I started on The 100 here, and did OuaT here. Never finished the 100 one since the results leveled out and stayed pretty consistent as the sample size grew, so I didn't really see the point in continuing any further after about 140 fics when the data wasn't really changing much at all.

Lastly, media influences people. I've read countless posts and comments from people who use fanfiction as a sex ed guide, in essence. Which is ridiculous, but I also know sex ed curricula often isn't very accurate or extensive in a lot of areas, so people take what they can get. Representation in media can be powerful, and when it overwhelmingly misrepresents people, that's also powerful. Just because fandom is a bit smaller than televised media, it doesn't make that impact any lesser, certainly not for those whose primary media intake is within fandom.

Virtually all trans representation in f/f fanfiction is misrepresentative of us. That has a cost in how people understand us, how people react to us, and how people treat us. Not just online, but in physical spaces, and in intimate settings.

I invite you to read that post you referenced again, or perhaps this longer one which is a response to a trans guy who seemed to feel something similar to you with this trope.

All I can do is lay it out there and try to explain this. It's up to you how you handle this. All I know is whenever there's a big surge in g!p in a fandom, trans women generally leave it en masse, because it's a very clear and consistent message that we're not valued, respected, and that people value getting off on us over finding community with us.

#g!p #creative responsibility #trans fetishization #trans representation #intersex fetishization #intersex representation #genitals tw #genital mention tw #intersexism #transmisogyny #fandom meta #long post #cissexism #t slur tw #media representation #media literacy

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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years

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i am not reblogging this post from OP (posted 2 days ago, with 4,400 notes and counting) because i know that often people are just making their own vent posts on their blogs and maybe don’t expect them to circulate widely outside of their small tumblr circle! and i don’t mean to like, jump on someone who is just commenting on something and then going on with their life. but i feel like i keep seeing versions of this sentiment on leftist twitter too and i really think it is a gross misrepresentation of the bill that passed earlier this month - which is due in part to social media’s intense focus on the “stimulus check” part of the bill. but the bill was not called “the stimulus check” act! it was called “The American Rescue Plan” and it was specifically geared towards providing desperately-needed relief to the American middle & working classes. the $1400 direct payments to individuals was just one small portion of the bill. here are the far more important parts:

in addition to receiving a $1400 direct payment themselves, individuals with children receive an additional $1400 check for each dependent

college students who are still listed as dependents on their parents’ tax forms (typically so they can retain health insurance benefits under the ACA) can more easily claim stimulus money - which is huge for college kids who may be helping to financially support immediate or extended family members

unemployment benefits have been extended from March 31, 2021 (their original expiration date) to September 6, 2021

unemployment benefits will be supplemented with a $300 weekly payment (ie $300 on top of what people are receiving from their state government)

unemployment benefits received in 2020-21 are tax-exempt (a retroactive change that means people who are unemployed won’t receive a surprise tax bill counting their unemployment money as “income”)

a substantial tax credit for employers who offer paid sick leave and paid family leave benefits (ie creating a direct incentive for employers to authorize emergency paid leave)

15% increase in food stamp benefits and extension of eligibility

child and family tax credit benefits!!!! this is the part that people are describing as one of the most significant anti-poverty initiatives in American history. families are eligible for a tax credit of $3600 for each child under the age of 6 and $3000 for each child between 6-18. people can also claim a child and dependent care credit with a maximum benefit of $4000 for one eligible dependent and up to $8000 for two or more. it also expands the earned income tax credit and lowers the age limit to 19. dems also pushed to get at least 50% of the tax credit money to people this year instead of making them wait for their 2021 tax return. this calculator allows you to calculate how much families will receive. if you make $50,000 a year and have four children, you will receive $13,200 through the child tax credit alone, paid out in monthly payments of $1,100 from July to December 2021 + an additional $6,600 lump-sum payment when you file your 2021 tax return early next year. there are also some additional dependent-related tax credits things that I don’t fully understand but that seem to indicate people are eligible for even more money.

forgiven student loan debt is made tax-free (a necessary prerequisite for future efforts to cancel/forgive student loan debt)

huge expansion of grant benefits to small businesses, including $28.6 billion specifically for bars and restaurants; $15 billion for low-interest, long-term replayment emergency disaster loans; and $7 billion more for the paycheck protection program (which can only be used on payroll expenses and makes it possible for small businesses to keep workers on payroll even if they are operating at lower capacity). you can describe this as “for the economy only” if you want, but I sure feel like it will alleviate a whole lot of human suffering by allowing people to keep their jobs & paychecks even if their workplaces remain partially shut down. my dad is a small business owner and has been able to keep his entire staff on payroll through the entire pandemic. the bill also includes billions for airlines and concert venues, which will again! means people won’t lose their jobs!! plus it allocates $175 million to fund a Community Navigator Program that reaches out to eligible businesses and helps guide them through the application process—ie making it possible for small businesses to actually take receive these benefits.

$350 billion to state, local, and tribal governments

$130 billion for K-12 schools to improve ventilation, reduce class sizes, purchase PPE for employees and students, and hire support staff; of this money, 20% must be dedicated to programs designed to counteract “learning loss” from students who missed school during the pandemic

$40 billion for colleges and universities, at least $20 billion of which must go to emergency grants to students (our university has been giving regular emergency grants throughout the pandemic to students to help cover rent, unexpected medical expenses, costs related to family emergencies or lost family income, tuition bills that they suddenly can’t pay, fees associated with wifi or purchasing tech equipment so they can learn virtually)

a HUGE amount of money four housing benefits!!!! i keep seeing people yelling about how $1400 won’t cover their rent but THAT’S WHAT THE RENTAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS ARE FOR. $21.6 billion in rent and utility assistance, paid directly to states and local governments so they can disburse it to eligible households!!! plus $5 billion to Section 8 housing (which “must go to those who are or were recently homeless, as well as individuals who are escaping from domestic violence, sexual assualt, or human trafficking”).

$5 billion to support state and local programs for homeless and at-risk individuals (can be used for rental assistance, homelessness prevention services, and counseling; can also be used to purchase properties that will be turned into permanent shelters or affordable housing for people who are homeless). plus an additional $120 for housing counseling.

$4.5 billion earmarked for a special assistance program that helps low-income households cover costs of heating and cooling and $500 million to cover water costs

$750 million in housing assistance for tribes and native Hawaiians (who are also eligible for other benefits through the rental assistance and direct tribal government grants described above)

and then BILLIONS of dollars to support FEMA, the Veterans Affairs’ healthcare system, the CDC, and state, local, and territorial public health departments for all things related to: COVID testing, contact tracing, vaccine production and distribution, vaccine outreach, PPE, and public health education. this includes (among many, MANY other things), $5.4 billion to the Indian Health Services (division of the Department of Health and Human Services that specifically provides health services to Native people and tribal territories), $200 million for nursing loan repayment programs, $80 million for mental health training, $3.5 billion in block grants specifically geared towards community mental health programs and substance abuse/prevention/treatment programs

$86 billion for a rescue package for pension funds (esp union-sponsored pension funds) that are on the verge of collapse - collectively covering 10.7 million workers.

billions of dollars for public transit programs (and sure, public transit is important to the economy, but access to regular, reliable, affordable, and safe public transit is HUGELY important to human health and well-being! it is how many people esp in urban areas access grocery stores, health care, their jobs, childcare facilities, etc.

$10.4 billion for agriculture, of which $5 billion is specifically earmarked for socially disadvantaged farmworkers. to quote wikipedia: “Experts identified the relief bill as the single most important piece of legislation for African-American framers since the Civil Rights Act of 1964.”

tons of money to fund 100% of premiums for COBRA (health insurance for people who have unexpectedly lost or had to leave their jobs) through October 2021. COBRA is hella expensive and experts estimate that 2.2 million people will need to enroll for COBRA benefits in 2021. there are also various provisions that expand Medicaid and the Children’s Health Insurance Program (a program targeted at uninsured children in families who don’t qualify for Medicaid but may not be able to afford adequate healthcare coverage. it also fixes some things with the ACA that could’ve led to people getting surprise bills due to fluctuating income or unexpected changes in employment status.

i am SO OVER the so-called ‘progressive’ rhetoric that no good can ever come from the government, or that all politicians (dems or republicans) are basically the same level of evil and incompetent, or that ~mutual aid~ (ie small payments made between individuals in a community) is the only thing we can count on or should count on in times of crisis. no!!!! fuck no!!!! like mutual aid is great but America is an INSANELY WEALTHY country and it is such bullshit to act like we can’t or shouldn’t expect our government to take care of the people who live here. and i am also just GRAHARRGHGHH at people who are completely disengaged from politics offering their jaded and hyper-cynical hot takes on things they don’t! actually! know! anything! about!!!!!!! and in the process making other people increasingly jaded and cynical about the possibility of electing a government that actually prioritizes the needs & well-being of its citizenry!!!

ugh i’m just TIRED of leftist political cynicism y’all especially when it comes from people who have absolutely no understanding of how much WORK it takes to make huge things like the American Rescue Act happen (work that includes not just the immediate negotiation of the bill but also the years of organizing & voter recruitment work it took to get a narrow democratic majority in the senate so that we could pass things like this!!!!). I’M DONE WITH BEING CYNICAL!!!! i feel, in a totally earnest and unjaded way, that it’s absolutely incredible that dems were able to write, negotiate, and pass this bill, and i feel so so so relieved to be currently living under an administration that is flawed in many ways but is at least actually and earnestly TRYING to reckon with unprecedented “suffering in an actual human scale” (to quote OP) and is even using this crisis as an opportunity to advance major anti-poverty initiatives that will have a LASTING IMPACT on actual human lives. as opposed to our previous administration, which was made up of thousands of people who woke up every single day and asked themselves “what can I do today to further dehumanize & inflict needless suffering upon millions of people?”

PHEW!!!! SORRY!!!! JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS I GUESS!!!!!!!!

#i went into this thinking i was going to be very measured and calm #but actually i'm pretty pissed off #people fire off their hot takes and thousands of people read them and it's so! fucking! infuriating!!!#no government is ever gonna be perfect! certainly ours still has a shit-ton of problems!!!!!#but i hate the 'only option is to fully disengage & say fuck it' attitude #esp when then thousands of people read it and accept it as truth #long post

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tortoisenottortoise · 3 years

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Am I the only one who likes seeing muscular women in media more than muscular men?

Alright so, this one will probably end up much shorter and a little more ranty than I'd like, but this is kind of personal so be fairly warned.

Recently I've seen a few complaints about the new He-Man show and honestly, I fully understand and empathize with them. Whilst I haven't fully seen the show, from what I've viewed I can personally speaking agree (or at the very least understand) where most criticisms come from. I think it's incredibly shitty that the writer basically lied to his audience about how the show would run. Now normally I'd be fine with a twist such as He-man dying, but he's an important part of the show and the way the marketing & merchandising for it was running kind of comes across as him basically using He-Man's name to get people into the show. I also feel like it's fine to view Teela as obnoxious and annoying, nothing about her personality-wise seems likable to me. I also heard a few complaints about Orko's (I think that's his name, don't crucify me) backstory and how his character was handled.Yet as the title suggests one that didn't stick with me was the criticism of Teela and a general trend towards the criticism of women in media as being "masculine".

I've heard over and over that Hollywood representing strong women by giving them masculine traits is a bad thing and yet... I kind of don't get it? It feels odd to say, almost like I'm the dumbest man alive for admitting something which most people on the internet seem to be so sure about, yet I just don't understand where this is coming from. I've seen this thrown at She-hulk, Wonder Woman, Abby, and many other characters, yet when inquired it usually loops back around to, "Yeah they have muscles", and that's about it. This type of criticism in specific seems to overly focus on the appearance of said characters. It's the one critique I just can't get behind and it feels like at best it's a shallow criticism that fails to get its point across, and at worst it's actively demeaning to women who desire to or show masculine traits. But first, let me break this down into sections.

Section 1: Muscles =/= Masculinity (In my opinion at least)

Oh boy, I feel like this is a section that might rustle some feathers, but I'm going to try and explain myself best as possible. I simply do not view muscularity as a feature that is inherent to or should be inherent to men. I'm not going to pretend as if muscular men aren't more saturated in media and art, nor as if they're societally treated as masculine, but one of the reasons I fail to understand this criticism is that I see muscles beyond the horizons as being just a masculine trait.

I believe that muscles should instead be seen as a sign of hard work and determination. As someone who's currently trying (and struggling) to stay healthy and fit, it's much harder than a lot of media portrays it to be. It's a test where you push yourself to the limits, not just for the sake of doing it, but so you can improve as a person. Whenever I go to the gym and see a muscular gal or guy walk by, my immediate thought isn't, "how masculine" or anything like that my thought is, "wow! They worked hard to get like that, I should work hard as well!".

This interpretation tends to feel like it's just simply taking a piss on people who actively work hard to achieve higher levels of strength. Especially when society places and enforces these unrealistic standards onto people. If you don't have a six-quintillion pack nor can bench press a fucking house then you're worthless, of course, that is unless you actually attempt to pursue said standards which in that case you're automatically dismissed as cheating your way to gaining your muscles instead of putting any work in. And that's just for men who often don't have to deal with traditional idiots who are stuck in the year 1950 where I can't walk on the same street as them. My skin crawls when reading tweets from older men talking about how weightlifting women are "ruining their fertility" and I absolutely hate it when people in my life treat these women as if they're mythical creatures from a fairy tale, or when females who have trained to such a degree are simply dismissed as being inferior.

Obviously, I don't think the people who say this are like that, but whenever I hear this type of critique I can't help but think of the culmination of all these experiences I've gone through. But then again, this might honestly just be because I'm personally attracted to muscular women.

Section 2: Body type diversity

Another reason that I tend to like muscular women in media over muscular men is simply due to the sheer oversaturation of muscular men. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem if anybody likes muscular men. I totally get wanting to shove your face in between some man titties or get inspired by their physiques. In all honesty, almost everything I said earlier can directly apply to men, but one of the reasons I bring up body type diversity is that there tend to be much less muscular women than men. I

f anything, I'd have to say that muscular men are almost treated as the default when it comes to things like superhero comics, movies, video games, anime, etc. In a similar vein, the default for women tends to be slim and curvaceous, you get the drill. Whenever someone who doesn't fit into either body type shows up and isn't treated like a joke/gag or a character to rip on, I can't help but be happy about it. As much as I have no clue wtf is going on with TLOU2, I can appreciate that Abby's portrayal doesn't seem to exist solely as a joke meant to demean women for working out. I'm excited when an anime protagonist is a fat character who can go beyond just being a "fat guy" and is treated the same way a normal person would be.

Regardless of what you think about whatever trait you're criticizing, there's probably someone out there who fits it. If you're not into it or dislike it, then that's fine, but I'd rather have that expressed than it being actively made out as a harmful trope as opposed to just literally another body type that some women have.

Section 3: Muscular women inspire me more

Ok so, we've now blown into a full-on personal experience, buckle up boys, girls, NBs, anything in between, and I feel like I'm forgetting someone so apologies! But yeah, muscular women in media tend to be a lot more inspiring than people seem to give them credit for. This comes down to a mix of both the qualities I outlined earlier in what makes the characters inspiring but also plays into the idea of body diversity.

One of the traits that make amazons seem more inspiring is their inherent rarity/lack of screentime. As I stated earlier, whilst I do enjoy my fair share of man-titties, it kind of gets to a point where it's more depressing than inspiring when all you see is just super-models shoved in your face whenever you walk into a theater. If for every Goku I could find ten other guys who were on the chubbier side then I'd be able to take more from when I see Goku and other characters with his body type, yet it's so saturated that it no longer becomes something to aspire to, but simply the norm. It's not that you can work to become muscular or skinny with hard work and effort, you have to be muscular or skinny unless you want to be deemed a failure. Being chubby often isn't presented as a starting point but just treated as a defect. As someone who spent years battling with my own self-perception, that's just not a good message to get across.

Now, this obviously isn't to say that people can never make muscular characters. After all, it's their story so they can put whatever they want in it. The aim of the game isn't to stop people from making a specific type of character, but to encourage a diverse set of people to make a diverse set of characters. This is the reason why I view muscular women as so inspiring. Instead of coming across as just "the norm" or "the standard" they stand out from the crowd and despite knowing what they have to deal with, are still ready and willing to work out and improve their bodies. They had a goal in mind and set time aside to achieve said goal, that's something I can get behind.

Conclusion:

This will be another short section, but I just wanted to mention it because it caps off my thoughts on this post in general. What originally started as me just not getting the reason why people disliked Teela's design somehow turned into a passionate rant and I'm A) not sure if it fits on this particular subsection of the community, B) scared I'm going to get ripped to pieces, and C) somewhat unsatisfied with all that I said. At the end of the day, this probably won't be seen by too many people, but to those who do see it, I hope you have a wonderful day. I just wanted to talk about something that was near and dear to my heart and hoped that I made it clear why I view things the way I do.

P.S: Can we stop having this double standard where we act like women whose arms show the slightest hint of definition are "unrealistic" whilst men can look like tree trunks and be considered normal and healthy? please and thank you!

#rant post #character rant #please help I'm new to tumblr and a boomer when it comes to tags #tropes #trope discussion

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silvanable · 3 years

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Helloooo, it's been a hot sec, so I wanted to reach out to say hi. I have a question for you, o' author of this blog. Although, it is kinda personal so don't feel like you have to answer. So. You're like me. Aroace. I was wondering if you would ever choose to marry? And if so, what are your reasons?

it has been a while, darling! i hope you’re doing well~

literally was supposed to be short but no one has ever genuinely ask me this question or let me explain, ever, so i took the chance and i’m running with it.

i’ll be slapping this baby under a cut and y’all can have the opportunity to see how hard i’m willing to rip my own heart from my chest for the smile of my beloved.

i’m actually just ace, not aro, i have definitely been in love before and am in love now. but i know plenty of aro people and one of my dearest lovelies is an aroace, so i know, understand, and can relate to a lot with them.

i would say my romantic orientation is demi though, because i tend to only get emotionally attached or romantically inclined towards someone after knowing them and creating a deep bond. but i am still the biggest oblivious emotionally/romantically falling for someone whore there is.

so i think eventually i might get married, but to who or why could vary from person to person. but i really need to explain how i see marriage for me personally, as this can also depend on the people and change that view.

the media and religions have done a lot to influence how marriage is perceived and in some cases, i agree, but in others i don’t. i don’t think its as limited as people might expect but it’s not just for the ultimate pleasures or because you can. even people who eventually end their marriages could have had the same experience but not as totally or just differently.

marriage for me is symbolism, almost spiritual in that sense. it’s meaning is different for everyone and it would be unlikely to find someone who thinks the exact same of it as i do, but that doesn’t change how i would see it.

ignoring literally everything i was raised to believe about it, as my own personal opinions, it is the utmost sign of devotion and servitude, to offer yourself to another person as a sort of sacrifice. it’s an action that speaks volumes to me and such volumes have to be serious, because this kind of commitment for me is the ultimate one, the one where you not only understand each other to one of the deepest levels but you’re willing to show more, to devote everything down to your very essence to each other.

for me, marriage is the symbolism where i can say i would give you my soul, that which i believe is the purest essence of who i am, my very spirit, to take, to hold, to have forever and ever, to do with as you wish and to keep as your very own. but i would expect the same from them, i want the devotion of everything you are, ever will be, or ever were to be completely mine just as i am yours.

i am a firm believe in soulmates, romantic or not, and that’s because i already believe they have that part of me, somehow, someway, this person had a piece of me i never knew i gave or never knew was missing, and i have the same of them. but we have that connection, that bond, that essence of each other that we share totally. sometimes people don’t have that connection and i can see it, i’m a blind idiot when it comes to myself, but when i look at people who are just... meant to be beside each other, there’s this connect, a spark, a string if you will, that connects them, whether it be platonic, romantic, or otherwise.

i believe you can have more than one soulmate, because each connection is different whether you fully realize that or not, but somehow that person still means just as much to you as the other one. and without either one, you would be devastated.

marriage, for me, is also agreeing to be with someone you are deeply in love with. the relationship can be rooted from sexual, romantic, or platonic feelings, by just one, two, or all three. marriage for me, would be for romantic or platonic feelings. i see marriage as the ultimate signature to say, “yes, i am fully, completely, and utterly yours.” in a way, it’s the sign of absolute selfless love to say you will forever be with that person, to serve beside them, to grow with them, to bring the best of them out for the world, and to see them live with their absolute happiness because of how much you love them.

if i got married, it would be because i find that a person is someone i am willing to let go of myself and sacrifice some parts of myself to see them happy, because their smile brings me so much joy, that that very smile is the very thing i want to live for, the very smile i always want to see and protect. it would be because i want to show them i love them, completely, with every ounce of my being so much that i want to be the one, selfishly, to be the only one at their side to bring that happiness to them.

but there’s a catch— they have to be able to do the same for me. i want someone who can be just as selfish as me, where they want to keep me all to themselves just as i do with them, but also would do short of nothing to see me happy.

marriage for me would be someone who is both ultimately selfless and selfish, someone who will sacrifice and break themselves apart for you and your happiness, but wants to keep you and all that you are preserved and close to them. someone who i can give everything i am, ever was, and ever will be to and they will do the same back.

i want someone i can devote myself to so wholly that it keeps me going to know how much i love them and how much they love me.

there are lots of views and reasons for marriage, and with some influence of my background, and some despite it, my views of marriage are the absolute devotion and adoration for another person or even persons ( if you’re a polygamist, you lovelies are just even more stunning examples! ). it’s wanting to spend your entire life with them because the thought of being away from them makes you hurt, sick, and churns things you never thought you could feel or ever feel again.

i would want someone to be so selfish with me but utterly selfless. i want that, i need that.

i am a person who takes beliefs through actions, not words, and in turn that’s how i show myself. so to have a person so ready to break themselves apart for me but would do anything just to keep me, shows that there is something that we both understand.

so i know a lot of this sounds toxic and i won’t lie, a lot of this stems from toxic relationships that are the opposite and how i picked up on those toxic behaviors and warped them into my own sickness. i’m not saying i would prevent someone from doing what they love, or keeping them from others that love them. i would never because i know how much that hurts someone.

it’s a struggle really, for me and these nasty, twisted emotions i have and have been battling for the majority of my life. i don’t realize how much someone means to me until it’s gone, so i never notice how much i love someone until the chance to show them slips away. i get all these toxic, possessive, violent feelings that tell me so many things, to take it back and force the affections... but i don’t, because i loved this person so much that if it means i could never ever have them, but they are happy with someone else, then i’ll be damned, i won’t do a thing.

their happiness means so much to me, my love for them is so strong, that i can restrain all those disgusting feelings in me because all that matters to me is being able to see the person who is my entire world smile and be truly happy. it tears me apart but i would never do anything against them to take away that happiness, because i would sooner die than hurt them like that. i am happy, so long as they are, and that will never change.

and that’s what i want in someone, someone who sees the same in me, who would put themselves aside for my happiness because i would do the exact same for them.

that’s what marriage is for me, that would be the reason i marry someone. because they understand how horrible those feelings can be but are still willing to push their happiness aside for me. this way i know that i can push aside my happiness for them too.

through this, our happiness is stemmed from each other, so i can be happy with a person because they make me happy— seeing them happy makes me happy and vice versa.

it’s taken me years to get to this point and understanding of what i see, feel, and expect from a commitment like that— because yes, in my opinion, marriage is a commitment to another person, which is something unusual for everyone because for so long we have been committed to ourselves, knowingly or not, especially those with emotional traumas.

all that i’ve said is from my experience but it varies from person, such as how i’ve been in love and i know to a degree i still am in love with that person. this love might be different now but their happiness still means the world to me. or how i’m in love with someone new, and have been since... well, i don’t even know, and i just learned that i was this summer. this person also means the world to me and i would give anything just to see them smile, even if i’m not the cause of it— and i feel selfish for even wanting to see that smile.

but everything that i’ve said, why i would get married, the reasons behind it, is because i learned what worked for me, what i understand about myself, what i would give of myself, and what i expect of someone else.

like i said, i choose to believe the actions of a person, because they show you their core by the little things they do, and i find that the only way to be truthful. i can be truthful in words, and others i believe are the same, but i find words harder to take truth in, because words hurt me, but actions hardly do. still i say my words with meaning, if i say them i mean them, because i want to speak the truth.

so my love, affection, and devotion are poured out through my actions because i want to show how much i adore someone, how much they mean to me, because it’s the only way i know i could show how and believe it if it were me.

long rant short, yes i will probably get married in the future. hell, i might as well already be married to a few people, because i would down right kill for them just to protect that smile that brings me so much happiness— and that smile when it’s directed at me because of me? guys, i could pass on happy— but i also live for them.

that’s not to say that i would have to get married, because all of these things i’ve felt and listed i do, or try to, without a marriage because of how much i love someone. marriage really could just boil down to getting an official paper for the tax benefits because everything else i’ll do regardless of a ring or a document saying this person and i are together.

i would get married because i want to show my devotion, because i want to prove how much i love this person by showing them i’m willing to make that spiritual and physical tie to you, to become yours and only yours if that is what would make you happy. but it’s not something i genuinely see as necessary so long as i and they show that same understanding and devotion.

and i would like to see what you or others thing about this. i’m always open to hearing different views, plus i think a lot of people have interesting points, because we all perceive and respond different.

so let me know if you, yourself, might consider marriage and why?

#what's a silv #actions speak louder than words #in this essay i will #it was supposed to be short #on the topic of love #love can be powerful #how i see it #my opinion #marriage #love #soulmates #relationships #lgbt #lgbtq #asexual #demiromantic #tell me what you think

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marginsofmarga · 4 years

Text

Great Hope Amidst the Pandemic

As much as possible, we totally want to be in control of our lives. We take time to manage personal goals which are the big things to work for and accomplish such as receiving a diploma, getting married and having a family, starting our own business, becoming a big-time executive, or traveling the globe and such. These are essentially some of the things we want to do in life and in preparation for that, we plan. There may be small interruptions like atmospherical conditions, heavy traffic or sickness and we're used to it. But in an unexpected instance, in a snap, a pandemic called Coronavirus hit us by surprise and consumed us within months. Worst case scenario: it is a huge interruption everywhere with no specific vaccine.

Everyone has been writing on this and I don't know where to start. When I first heard about Coronavirus, there was a certain fear I felt as if my heart skipped a beat, wondering what repercussions it may create. By researching, I came to understand that it's highly contagious, attacks the respiratory system and no one is an exception especially the immuno-compromised ones. Knowing the fact that there is no cure for this disease heightened up my worries — for myself, my loved ones, my nation and the world.

The world is grippling with an invisible, deadly enemy. I had a feeling that it will be one heck of a ride. This pandemic got me feeling a roller coaster of emotions. I was not in my comfort zone. I had a lot of what-ifs. Before quarantine started, usual activities were still allowed despite having early cases in the country so I couldn’t help being paranoid at school, while commuting, while going to the mall and going outside with no choice but to be exposed to a lot of people which made me totally anxious and wonder "what if I get the virus" so, I did the best ways possible not to catch it. I sanitized every now and then, did limit interactions, took vitamins, used face mask and became extra careful when going out. After school, in the dorm where I stay, I really make sure to keep my health in check so I wash my hands, eat and sleep properly. Let me just say that living a little away from home sucks especially when there's a sudden global virus. I had to take care of everything myself. I was longing for security. I just wished I could go home.

There was a time back then when I really had a hard time sleeping that I fell asleep at 4 o'clock in the morning so it led to overthinking and unwanted panic attacks. Fears abound. Such uncertainty. How long will it last? What if I get sick since I lack sleep? What will happen next? Worries kept rippling because aside from these, there were school requirements to fufill, an overall health to watch and uncertain future to come so it was absolutely tough for me and took a toll on my mental health.

Days before ECQ was imposed, it was another day full of worries and not being in control. Classes were suspended due to more cases detected. So I packed my luggage, took a 1-hour ride to get home and finally be with my family. It felt good to walk into our doorstep but even if quarantine was imposed, oh God, my worries didn’t fade. Fear and anxiety were still present. During the first week of ECQ, I still got panic attacks and sleep issues. I was deeply overwhelmed. That’s why I willingly shared my thoughts to my go-to person, my mom. It's been a long time since I had a panic attack and that time, it was difficult to control and worse, even my sleep was affected. My mom would calm me down by helping me meditate with a bunch of essential oils and by staying present. I also talked over the phone to my Kuya who's in Manila and with other loved ones so it eased out my agony. Their words comforted me. Their company patted my back. I started to feel safe. I felt much better. I stopped dwelling on the negativity. I looked into the blessings which I'm really grateful for. I prayed to God. I consciously focused on the fact that I'm alive and I have a purpose. I knew I just had to shift my perspective. I started to heal. I started to pick up my broken pieces like a puzzle waiting to be solved.

Well, there’s always a new day. The virus is still there, but no one’s stopping me from overcoming my fears and doing what I love. Let’s face life no matter what. Since I'm really a home person, I didn't bother much about things to do in quarantine. These are the things that kept me going while staying at home: I do love being active so after getting up in the morning, I would pray and think about the things I'm grateful for. After that, I would turn the television on, go to Youtube and do my usual workout routine (a good sweat releases endorphins). I also got to bake some goodies, learn to cook new recipes and get creative with my makeup looks. I also do household chores and binge-watch my favorite shows on Netflix right after. I even do some home photoshoot so I get to play dress up. Spending time with my family 24/7 is a major blessing I experience amidst the crisis. Every night, I pray to God and talk to him sincerely. Prayers are the best antidote and His hands are my safe haven.

These were some of the meals I cooked.

These were some selfies I took during quarantine as I get creative with my makeup looks to avoid overthinking.

Watching my favorite series, FRIENDS. A good laugh comes a long way.

With regards to academics, as a student and as a person, I was firm on my stand to push for mass promotion of all students. Considering the situation and ongoing threat of the global crisis, health is greatly at risk. I voiced out my opinion on social media. In my little way, I wanted to help those near around me to come to our house for internet access if ever mass promotion didn’t push through. Good thing my professors were considerate enough to pass us all even if the university didn’t go for mass promotion at first. Luckily, a new memo from our school’s administration came to a decision in benefit of the students. Mass promotion pushed through.

This is a screenshot of my Mass Promotion post where I voiced out what I felt.

Just yesterday, I received a bad news. It felt devastating to lose one of the best professors I had. We didn’t see it coming. He suffered from severe pneumonia and tuberculosis. He was one of the people who believes in me and appreciates my passion. He had expert communication skills and a strong work ethic. Not to mention his great sense of humor that kept every discussion in class fun. I have always admired him. I will surely miss Sir Guban. Heaven gained an angel. May he rest in peace.

This is Sir Guban, one of my best professors who just passed away.

Giving shape to time is indeed important now when the future is so shapeless. The pandemic is a whole new ballgame with new rules being created each day. We are challenged to let go of normalcy and face a new one. I know it’s hard to gain a perspective when you are in the middle of such uncertainty; to make sense of what is going on and how the future will emerge. But I have learned that I need to trust the process because eventually, it will unleash a better version of myself, a stronger one. As I began to reflect on the reality of such a virus and trying to contain it, it became clear that it says something quite wonderful about humanity. It says that we have the capacity to shift out of our comfort zones and to quite literally work together to save our lives and the lives of others. There is a tremendous hope for humanity being demonstrated around us. We can choose to walk through it lightly, with a little luggage, ready to imagine another world and ready to fight for it. Life may hit us hard countless times but I found out that it’s about finding ways to get back up again and moving forward despite the greatest obstacles.

Always wear your face mask, sanitize, be mindful and be safe.

This is a contribution to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project”. The initiative is a response to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis. Igniting and championing the human spirit, “Write to Ignite Blog Project” aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. This project is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, co-presented Eastern Communications and sponsored by Electrolux, Jobstreet and Teleperformance.

#coronavirus covid19 inspiring inspiration hope bloggersph bloggingph blogph pandemic

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jakattax · 4 years

Text

I was a lucky kid growing up, my family were largely bohemian and didn’t really pressure me at all to fall into a particular crowd or scene. For the most part I was left to decide my own hobbies and interests, which I feel as a working class northerner is an oddity. I was largely uninterested with anything considered the norm, I found the perception of normality to be terribly boring. I lived in my own mind, fuelled by my still present wild and colourful imagination, and nothing fuelled my imagination more than the idea of magic. Films like the ‘Wizard of Oz’ and ‘Excalibur’ were Bible to me, any media with witches, wizards and sorcerers utterly enamoured thing. I believe this fundamental obsession revolves around the concept of power, that these mystical men and women could achieve the impossible and bend reality by possessing a power that no hero-knight or any other could possess. The wizard or witch was a solitary creature, usually ostracised or eccentric, both qualities I possessed as a child. And so it was a common pastime for me to find the best stick that would act as my staff and to jump around the woods pretending to be Gandalf. I knew that magic could only ever exist in my own imagination and I stuck to this falsehood for many years. After a trip to the goth haven of Whitby with my grandparents, I realised that magic was very much real and was not limited to book, screen or my own closed mind. I bought a hazel wand (inscribed with ‘Blessed Be’ in futhark) from a Wicca supply shop and my first book of magic. This book of shadows was my prized object, with only the media portrayal of magic at my disposal I knew that every enchanter possessed their own book of spells, while mine wasn’t bound in human skin and written in odd runes, it was magic, real magic. Another very vivid memory was that a bought a handsome besom from the same shop, a gorgeous birch broomstick wrapped in colour silk, and so on our trip to the north York moors I placed the broom between my legs and jumped up and down over the heather. Alas I did not fly. Only in my mind.

Wicca was truly my gateway into my magical studies, even though I was very young I had absolute conviction that magic was very much real and tangible, I even recall having a particular fondness for a rain spell which seemed to work without fail. Naturally my new obsession with real magic just pushed me further from the grain of normality, thank God. Yet the older I got I started to become disenchanted. Like all teenagers I went through a period of abandoning childhood fantasies to focus on my image or popularity. Who I socialised with and how I looked over-rided any past passions. It is something I feel remarkably ashamed over, yet adolescence is a period in life in which one wears many masks for the sake of an easy time, even though I was bullied none the less for my bookish and overall weak disposition. But no-one could know I use to dress up in a pointy hat and make it rain. I killed that part of my childhood. This abandonment of magic continued until I was 16.

I was now in college and was the worst sycophant to a particular friend who I followed blindly. He was the coolest kid in college, a Casanova, I was discovering my own sexuality and realised too that I was deeply in love with him. Again I was sacrificing my core personality, but not for long. I was a theatre kid, and bloody good at it too, our first year assessment was based on the performance of a classical monologue. Know I don’t know exactly how I decided on it, or how I even knew of it, but I settled on Marlowe’s ‘Doctor Faustus’ to perform. I was a committed and serious young actor, finally in s subject that I cared for and excelled in so I conducted research into how i wanted to stage the piece. In my mind I wanted the stage littered in books and scraps of paper all bearing occult symbols, yet I didn’t know any. I didn’t want to cheapen the performance by having blank scraps of paper, they needed to be Faustus’ magical and alchemical work, so I used the library computer to find some.

And the gates opened.

Like a child again I was reading about magic, real magic again but this time I found a new mindset. In my research looking up Occult symbols to litter my set with, I came across a name, a name steeped in controversy to this day, the wickedest man in the world; Aleister Crowley. Reading up on Crowley and MacGregor Mathers brought me to a new and dangerous form of magic, the magic of the ceremonial magician. While indeed Wiccans and witches take their art and practise very seriously, there was something about the strict Methodology and science like nature of ceremonial magic that appealed to me more. Changing the weather was great and all but demon conjuration? Intricate magic circles and glyphs? Spirit evocation? Yes please, this was the magic that I wanted. And so I purchased my first Grimoire of ceremonial magic, the Ars Goetia.

This was a book I carried with pride, it was a conversation starter, I was the kid who studied demons. My image had changed after my then best friend moved to university, gone was the preppy and popular false Jack, now was the time for a brooding, dark clothed Jack who read Shelley, Byron and books of demon summoning in his spare time. To be frank it’s not a phase I’ve quite broken yet either.

As enamoured as I was by the Ars Goetia, I was no fool, I knew that in terms of practicality it was something I could not attempt, yet. The magic was complex, the tools seemed impossible to acquire and so I sat on my grand schemes of being a conjured per excellence, yet the flames in my mind were raging.

Three years later I moved to Nottingham for my university education, wonderful city. for the first time in my life I was with strangers who had no preconceived notions about me. I could wear a new mask. Yet I chose the hard path, I was at university so one should act as a university don should, I bought tweed suits from charity shops, wore a bow tie and started to smoke a pipe. I found rebellion by not being normal, fuck normality, the new Jack would never bow down to popularity again. I call my university years some of the darkest of my life, not only because of the daily cocktails of alcohol, drugs and severe bouts of depression but because these were the years in which I honed my craft as a goete.

I had the good fortune of renting flats with basements and because my flatmates were dull football types brainwashed by heteronormative coding, they were naturally scared of it and didn’t go down there. And as horribly cliched and Hollywood as it is, I began conjuring demons in the basement. Even though I had been studying the Goetia for a few years now, I still lacked pretty much everything needed, other than my own conviction. I used chalk for my circle and triangle of art, candles for mood lighting and some sticks of incense and began conversing to the shadows. The crazy thing is, the shadows spoke back. I knew that I had the crossed a threshold in which there was no return, while I had achieved magic with fairly simple effects, now I had truly pierced the veil and was openly seeing, speaking and listening to demons. The glass of reality had cracked, I was in a new world in which magic was the only truth. I had demon spirits perform many many tasks for me, some failed, some excelled. I tried to hone in my skills, realise mistakes and amend them. Then I started branching out, with my knowledge increasing I came into contact with more books, more new information and magic to discover; the Verum, the Cyprian texts, Agrippa, Abra-Melin etc. Etc.

Yet this was closeted. While I was unashamedly eccentric, I had too much against me as a gay man and an oddity. I suffered extreme bullying again and thanks to my depression made a suicide attempt, if anyone knew I was in the basement ordering demons to attack those who wronged me, it would be fatal to me. Or so I thought. The layman perceives magic as nonsense, Harry Potter glitter Magic that simply isn’t real and if you believe in it you either have too many cats or are just delusional. They do not understand that magic and only magic is the highest form of science there is, the microscope or telescope can see hidden things that the eye cannot yet so can a scrying ball. For all the wonders that science can perform and demonstrate, it cannot lift the eyelids on the falsehoods of reality, only through magic can we truly see between the lines and realise that the mundane world is shrouded in mysteries that only magic can answer. And so due to this fear of being stigmatised, I kept my magic a secret.

For the best part of a decade I studied and practised Ceremonial magic in private. Whenever my parents or housemates we’re out I’d grab my tools and begin my work. My library was growing, my collection of magical tools too, I was growing and flowering into a proficient 21st century Magus. Then two years ago I decided fuck it. I was tired of keeping a fundamental part of my spiritual beliefs and occult practises silent and so I outed myself as a ceremonial magician. Not to much fanfare however, everyone seemed largely indifferent, probably just another one of jack’s eccentricities. But no, magic is no hobby, no idle pastime or frivolity to me, magic is in my Veins and every breath, it is my true calling in life to study, explore and understand my place in this world through the Occult sciences. I am a magician who can charm you or tear you to pieces just as easily, I live in a demimonde of illusion, I achieve the impossible.

When you sit before the scrying glass and see a spirit looking into your eyes, you must reject all notions of a normal reality and accept wholeheartedly that magic is real.

#going mad again #dunno why i wrote this #i was told to #24/7 scrying is frying my brain #fuck it #its like my life story #someone play a tiny violin #i need sleep #bye #i saw weird shit tonight #im writing a book of prophecies

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

Link

Andrew has a post over here (or rather, “a message Hussie sent to the Perfectly Generic Podcast”) detailing his thoughts on the Epilogues, how he thought people would feel about them, and why he made them the way he did. Interesting read-- here are my thoughts as I was reading:

Wakraya -Today at 4:34 PM

Pst pst :3 We just got a statement from Hussie on the Epilogues if you ever feel ready to check that out

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:00 PM

ooh

yeah if there's a link?

Wakraya -Today at 5:01 PM

https://www.reddit.com/r/homestuck/comments/cuywff/the_homestuck_epilogues_bridges_and_offramps_new/

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:02 PM

yeah I was like "there's a HARDCOVER version?!??" trying to google what you described

Wakraya -Today at 5:02 PM

Oh yeah it just got announced recently, and this is what Hussie said about it, sent to the PGP people just a bit ago

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:03 PM

collapsing the bubble, yeah... he understood all this pretty well

readin further

"it's heavily implied to be a piece of bridge-media" --definitely, so why... there couldn't possibly be a follow-up, could there? ...

"Our continued attention is the very property which incites new problems," -- yeah, I definitely understood that as a theme of the Epilogues... but it also felt like a slap in the face to everyone invested in those characters for that exact reason, and torturing us like that should give way to SOME kind of more settling payoff to offset it, right? right andrew?.....

"But "implied" is all it was. There was no immediate announcement for followup content, and I'm not announcing anything here yet either. More time was always going to be necessary to figure out what to do next, including what form it takes, the timing, and all those questions." --okay yeah that's... SANE. That's MORE sane than the follow-up to Homestuck it seemed to be implying, the creation half to the destruction half. Because as much as it seemed to be implying that with those ending sections, I really couldn't imagine a continuation to such a ridiculously saturated story as FEASIBLE; you couldn't possibly loop in anyone who wasn't into the first body of work in the first place. But... then why leave so many of the characters in such dire straits, unsatisfied, their happiness jeopardized even after the lesson was imparted about how our looking in damaged things?

"For now I think it was alright to just let things simmer for a while, and give people an extended period of time to meditate on the meaning of the epilogues and why they involved the choices they did. But regardless of anyone's conclusions about it, I can at least confirm that it WAS designed to feel like a bridge piece since its conception." ...I'm not, uh. ENTIRELY. sure. that Andrew understands. how paralyzingly invested we are in some of these characters. :neutral_face:

"Is it this way because an epilogue SHOULD be this way? No. It is this way because I thought that was the most suitable role for an epilogue to play in the context of the weird piece of media Homestuck has always been." Fair... but that was the impression the end of Homestuck gave us in the first place, right? Art and message over our feelings. That's been the strength AND curse of Andrew's work. His relentless artistic integrity. He's going to give the message he wants to give even if it kills us. :c

this mulling over how he played with "Intermission" is fun, spelling it all out and how eagerly he wanted to play with and subvert those tropes...

Wakraya -Today at 5:14 PM

Oh, keep going

You're going to like the end I feel

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:15 PM

yeah all this is gonna go up on my blog if you let me

Wakraya -Today at 5:15 PM

Absolutely! :p

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:16 PM

"So now the label "epilogue" has been toyed with in a similar way, and also in a manner which exposes an apparent flaw with the label. Or actually, just by using the label "epilogue" at all, it seems the story is admitting to an apparent flaw." --So how were those who DID interpret the ending of Homestuck as not addressing stuff that needed to be addressed supposed to interpret it, though? Those who needed a more explicit explanation of why Andrew was seeming to "toss aside" so much of what they cared about as stuff that "didn't matter"?

He knew those people existed... hence the outcry!

you can't deliver a message to those people with a mocking thrust, you've gotta be, hm... more delicate about it? IF, that is, you feel an obligation to those people in the first place

and I was never sure whether Andrew DOES....?

hmmmmmn

"It's already an unhinged implementation of the label before you even read it, which means it's probably time to get nervous about whether it satisfies your expectations about what the content existing under such a label should provide." Yes, you knew people were gonna get super nervous even before they cracked open the cover... and then you DELIVERED, rather intentionally, on some of their worst fears.....?

"My feeling is, there's almost no choice but to turn the conventional ideas associated with epilogues completely inside-out, because of the inherent contradictions involved with crossing the post-canon threshold and revealing that which was not meant to be known." Yes, and I understood Andrew was trying for that. But... um....... what about satisfaction? You gonna give us ANY comfort after that's been dealt with, that lesson imparted? Why throw all our feelings by the wayside after you've communicated that overall lesson?

"By deploying it as mock-fanfiction, and including other authors, I'm making an overt gesture that is beginning to diminish my relevance as the sole authority on the direction this story takes, what should be regarded as canon, and even introducing some ambiguity into your understanding of what canon means as the torch is being passed into a realm governed by fan desires." --Yes, I've read that really good tumblr post I won't bother linking (EDIT: because I can’t find it, or where I commented on it, it was probably in discord; could someone link that to me? the one that talked about how this epilogue posed as Fanfiction and took on those trappings but could never BE that, and how it was their opinion ((though not mine FYI)) that Andrew didnt understand that?) that expresses how the author's intervention into this "territory" ruins the effect that this sort of work is supposed to have, and how it can't be judged as similar, but given the stuff that Andrew was TRYING to get across -- the sort of, "freeing fanwork from the vestiges of canon" stuff and the other lessons he's alluding to in this very Reddit post -- he didn't have much choice in terms of presentation framework. Could it have been presented more elegantly, less fanon-hijacky? Sure, he ain't perfect... Could it have more explicitly endorsed other interpretations of so-called canon as more valid than this, or AS valid? Absolutely, but he's never been one to spell things out for us so plainly... Ah, but could it have ended in a way to give those of us so nervous about the work more SATISFACTION, less grief? THAT is an entirely DIFFERENT matter that I hope he answers as this post goes forward.... readin readin'.......

"If the epilogues really prove to be the bridge media they were designed to feel like, then I expect this trend to continue. The fanfiction format is effectively a call to action, for another generation of creators to imagine different outcomes, to submit their own work within the universe, to extend what happens beyond the epilogues, or to pave over them with their own ideas." True, but... gosh darn, Andrew, you coulda been more explicit with that. Especially with the potential pave-over-ability of it all. Expressing that a lot more explicitly would have gone to help smooth over a bunch of that one tumblr post I mentioned's concerns. :T

"It's also an opportunity for people to discuss any of the difficult content critically, and for fandom in general to continue developing the tools for processing the negative emotions art can generate." Yeah, I... have to admit, I'm not as good at dealing with negative content in media as I should be. And that's definitely part of what is making the fanbase feel stabbed in the heart, yeah, but..... again, it feels kind of as if Andrew does NOT understand how irrationally attached so much of the fanbase is to these characters and how irrationally overinvested in their happiness, and all of this feels kind of callous. :frowning:

Wakraya -Today at 5:27 PM

He's very aware of how powerfully a lot of people feel about it, with all he's gone through with the Fandom. He really is just like this isn't he?

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:27 PM

"fandom is something which can develop better skills as well. Skills like critical discussion, dealing constructively with negative feelings resulting from the media they consume, interacting with each other in more meaningful ways, and trying to understand different points of view outside of the factions within fandom that can become very hardened over time." Hmn! That's...... true, yeah, but wow did you take a HAMMER to it instead of a scalpel

yeah

Andrew's always just

well it's like I said isn't it?

He's got that artistic vision, and even though he knows he's in an interaction with the fandom and shapes things to it by the design of the story, he is N O T compromising that artistic vision

even if it feels like a punch to the gut to us

immersion therapy :frowning:

not sure I can say whether that's right or wrong! only that it hurt XD

Wakraya -Today at 5:29 PM

It hurts, but he does understand.

Perhaps precisely because he understands, he pushes us to our limits

He doesn't matter if he loses part of his audience in the process- He wants to showcase a message.

Painful as it may be, that's kind of admirable in a stubborn way.

And when he delivers happiness, he does it in spades

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:30 PM

yeah, he never cared about losing support because he said what he felt was necessary

Wakraya -Today at 5:30 PM

And if it is something actually like

Problematic

He does backpedal and fix things up

BlastYoBoots -Today at 5:31 PM

"But I don't see why it can't be an objective to try to improve fandom, just as creators can improve their work." --and he was DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY trying to improve the way members of the fandom treated a WHOLE BUNCH of different affectations of the Homestuck fanfiction in the community. that was something kind of admirable and insane throughout the epilogues... on the deeper scale, how he used the Roxy arc in Candy to at the end put the reader to task with "HEY!!! How do you know this wasn't how Roxy would canonically act in this situation? You don't know the inside of her head! ALL SORTS of stuff is valid! You can't use those reasons to point at certain fanfiction and call it BAD." And I do love that. With a more insane surface example, the dog dick stuff. Jesus. XD

"So now I'm looking to all of you on the matter of where to go next." --oh SHIT. :X

Well, there's a problem. XD

fuck, you can't just ASK us what we want XDDD

"Wherever the most conscientious and invested members of fandom want to drive this universe, as well as the standards by which we engage with media in general, that will be the direction I follow." mother FUCK

well, now the pressure's on. god help us all XD

time to post this

#Homestuck #Epilogue #Homestuck Epilogue #upd8 #Andrew Hussie #spoiler #spoilers #Homestuck Spoilers #Epilogue Spoilers

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lovelylogans · 4 years

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Can I ask for more Rory salt? Right after finishing the show I didn't realize why everyone was so upset about her but now that I've rewatched I kind of understand. I'd like to hear more about your opinions on her! (Mostly bc I have 2 braincells so stuff like that flies over my head lol)

okay, granted, a Fair amount of my salt comes from the perspective of a journalism student, ie who they’re trying to portray, and also like. someone at a similar Point in their life, so. here we go. rory Salt.

like i will say she isn’t like, bonafide the Worst Character of all time, but like...... okay. like. this tracks back to one of my original and largest gripes with gilmore girls, and also a large reason of why i like the earlier seasons better than the later ones.

this post explains it very well; the early seasons (and first episodes) of gilmore girls seem to promise healing, moving forward, bettering familial relationships. the actuality of gilmore girls is the repetition of mistakes and things continuing in cycles, and often getting worse.

so, like. rory. rory’s character is established as this sweet, innocent, naive kid, with a fairly decent work ethic and big dreams to aspire to journalism and a certain level of fame (like christine amanpour, i think was the journalist she mentioned in the first day at chilton ep?) she’s smart, quiet, beginning to establish a relationship with her parents, but still a bit uncomfortable within the realm of chilton/privilege—i think this is best exemplified within the debutante episode, in which she’s uncomfortable with the premise, but goes through with it for the sake of making emily happy. same with the golfing episode with richard—she has zero interest in golf, but she gets to spend a day with her grandfather, and she wants to establish that relationship with him.

but then there’s that thing kicking in, in which gilmore girls is essentially a cyclical tragedy; rory gradually becomes more confident in herself and her abilities (becoming valedictorian, going up against paris for the speech on cspan) and in her relationship with boys; she goes after jess, and, once he leaves, lets him go and eventually is like “you shouldn’t have left me. but i’m saying goodbye to you, on my terms.” i think that s3 is where her character is strongest; she’s still sweet and shy, but she has a bit of an edge. she’s caring toward her friends, she, sure, makes the occasional mistake, but she eventually rallies from them. that’s when i like rory’s character best.

rory starts her decline in season four. this dates back to the whole cyclical thing; she’s the one who goes to her grandparents for money, echoing the original premise of the show, and a cycle starts anew. she goes to another new, prestigious school (yale) where she’s pushed to new limits.

but rory makes mistakes. she stands up for herself, yes, namely taylor when he pushes for her to be ice cream queen, but she also has a certain level of... entitlement, i suppose. like. let’s take “die, jerk.”

(i’m gonna go briefly into a journalistic tangent here, which is especially heaped by the fact i’ve been writing a lot of reviews lately. also, it applies.)

so, first of all, she takes her mom to her job. her mom. literally think about every other job in the world and, barring a “family day” at the office, please name a situation in which that’s acceptable. right? there’s basically no other situation in which that’s a thing you do when you’re being professional. (this is a repeated gripe, by the way; she often brings lorelai along. this could have been achieved with some phone calls where she hangs up and then does her job. but i digress. this goes into a whole rant on how women in journalism are portrayed in tv shows and other media, but seriously, i digress.)

then there’s the review itself. it’s mean.

“she has the grace of a drunken dock worker.” compared her to a hippo. “the roll around the bra strap,” the line about regretting how evolution had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night. the ballerina comes to yell at her, which is wrong, but holy god, that never even should have been published. sure, it’s partially the fault of doyle, who as an editor should have stepped in, said, “rewrite the holy hell out of this,” and given her a talking-to on how reviewing should be about the performance and not body-shaming her, because yes you can give things a bad review but not to that level, but rory is the one who wrote it. and she only begins to seem apologetic when people start to react to it other than doyle; the ballerina, her mom, emily and richard. this happens a few times throughout—rory (and lorelai) never seem to realize how mean they can get until people start reacting to what they’re doing and saying.

she’s willing to write those things, read them, have other people read them, and put them out into the public, and doesn’t even consider the potential ramifications that it could have had on not only the dancer, but the ballet performance (which gets shut down, in part due to rory’s review) the costumer, the crew, everyone involved. yes, bad reviews exist, and yes, they can be brutal, but they’re almost never so personally vindictive and mean. she says she’s writing her opinion. look at how harsh that opinion is.

that’s part of why my opinion of rory takes a decline; being mean. another part of it is a certain level of entitlement.

because the revival is on my brain lately, let’s talk revival stuff. making it as a freelance journalist is hard. it’s hard work. it isn’t for a lot of people. especially in new york city, where the industry is so competitive that finding a job in journalism is a whole Thing. rory has a piece in the new yorker (not bad!) and is writing a piece for gq (also not bad, not bad at all!) about people waiting in line for a certain event.

now. let’s take, like, season four/season five rory, who compiled like three separate PILES of research for a story that wasn’t even hers, worked hard enough at chilton, a highly academically competitive school, to get valedictorian. rory is portrayed as a hard worker. she does what’s necessary for the job and to improve.

revival? whoosh, out the window!

she falls asleep during an interview for the gq job. she continually jets off to london to go see logan. she’s completely unprepared for a job interview, having absolutely zero ideas for any stories, despite the fact that freelance journalists are almost always working multiple stories and coming up with new ideas so they can, y’know, get paid. chilton offers her a job as a teacher if she gets her masters, but she turns it down, which, on one hand, sure, follow your dreams, on the other, if you’re continually complaining that you’ll take a job, ANY job, and get a very good job handed to you on a silver platter with the potential for more growth post that job with the addition of your masters and DON’T TAKE IT?!?!?!

plus, in the job interview, when she doesn’t get it, UNDERSTANDABLY, she calls the interviewer angrily saying that the interviewer practically promised her the job, despite the fact that it was a PRELIMINARY JOB INTERVIEW and there are OTHER CANDIDATES who DEFINITELY AT LEAST HAD STORY IDEAS. no matter how impressive your resume is, you have to at least show that you’re trying, because the whole thing in journalism (esp for those breaking into a business) is that EVERYONE has an extensive resume. that’s part of why it’s so competitive.

and still complains that she’s broke, in addition to the trust fund that we know she received at 25, plus whatever money richard left her in his will. if she was broke, she’d be living entirely above her means—those continual trips to london, living in a sizeable one-bedroom apartment in NEW YORK CITY, going out to eat very often.

and then just??? i could ramble more (the whole sleeping with a MARRIED DEAN thing, her partnership with logan, i could go back in and ramble about how the body-shaming is continual despite the fact that they frequently eat fattening foods and make fun of sports and are only so thin bc, well, tv magic, but also because they have Miraculous metabolisms, the way that they treat their friends, to some extent, but. yeah. here is some Rory Salt.)

#magicquill42 #ask #annalise talks gilmore girls

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themockingcrows · 4 years

Text

Pieces In The Game Ch. 1

JohnDave This chapter is SFW cw: blood and violence This chapter available on my AO3!

Trapped in a gladiatorial combat game without control of his own body, Dave must rely on his player to control his movements and win his freedom. John, a bit of a prodigy with video games, is his player and recently has come to the realization of just how intense these games really are. Without knowing who is on either end of the controls, is it possible for one friend to win the other's freedom? Or will they all just wind up pawns in the end?

It was a dangerous life, and if Dave had a choice he never would have gotten involved in it. Nobody with a shred of sanity would want this life. Most fighters didn’t live very long, relying solely on their controllers to translate their own abilities into motion, giving up their bodily control for the sake of overdrive. The only ways out were death, or to win and get to retire... But it all came down to how talented their controllers were in the heat of battle. The modern gladiatorial games were the cutting edge of science and gaming technology with a wildly successful gambling edge to it, the characters made of pixels replaced with flesh and blood, and the stakes made far higher. The newest and greatest in blood and gore, with a cult following the world over.

While most of the competitors were criminals, Dave was not. He knew he’d been scammed into this, must have pissed off the wrong person with his outspoken distaste for the current regime in charge online, but he’d never gotten a chance to find out who or how for certain. Even now, during the downtime when he wasn’t fighting, he couldn’t find out. His access to his old social media accounts and bank accounts were blocked, but he was free to make fresh and indulge in online life as he pleased. ...Within limits of course. Some phrases couldn’t make it past the censors, as well as some topics, caught automatically by the system and rejected, left unposted or unsent. Everything else? Fair game.

He’d learned to work with codes to try singling out other fighters, or people who currently had thoughts against the Condesce and her family, phrases and changed letters signifying freedom in new and different ways that the censors couldn’t keep up with. It was a small window, but a comforting one. He could leave messages this way, leave a trail, even if to the outside it looked like nothing. A legacy was left in his social media ramblings, waiting for someone to understand them who could enact change.

This bit of freedom was why Dave was able to have some semblance of friends online, and got to learn more about them, as well as be able to play videogames of his own… though he was more picky about what he played, usually opting for things as far removed from his own reality as possible. Farming simulators and games dealing with run and fetch missions brought hours of entertainment to him compared to other prisoners who enjoyed playing games of warfare and battle. Another keen interest of his was games involving skill that he could break, going out of bounds or glitching the character in unimaginable ways. It gave him hope that someday, somehow, he’d figure out how to ‘glitch’ himself and leave the confines of his prison.

It’s not like he was missing much by avoiding the war and fighting games. In here their own abilities didn’t really matter, it’s not like they could learn techniques from those games. The players? They could. But the pieces were just there to go to the limits of their bodies and hope they didn’t get assigned to a newbie. ...Or if they were assigned to a newbie, praying that the person in question, whoever they were, were absolutely baller at the game itself.

With his emails answered, Dave worked on feeding his digital flock while checking in with his friends in the other window. Rose was talking about a new knitting project for her girlfriend, someone who was pretty attractive if Dave could say so based on pictures she’d shared in the past. Jade was going off about some kind of physics thing that Dave couldn’t track, but occasionally she’d stop and talk about game engines. Dave was pretty sure she designed new gaming technology, new virtual reality tools and force feedback things as opposed to the units that he dealt with every fight. Pretty sure she wasn’t the type of person to be that into things being embedded into human bodies, or at least he hoped. Not like he could give her feedback even if she did, thanks to the censors.

Then there was John, who despite being the most open of the group, was the least understood. He’d talk about this game or another, sometimes joining Dave and the others for a relaxing game where they could gather resources and build things together, other times just rambling about competitions. He seemed the type to collect cards too, based on how seriously he talked about it, and seemed the type to win at a decent rate. Yet as often as he talked about games, he talked very little about himself or his home life aside from the occasional ‘my mom’s calling I’ve got to go’.

Dave wondered if he knew much about the piece games he was involved in, or knew how they worked. Not that he’d get recognized anywhere with the helmets everyone wore, but it was still a strange connection to think about. What if any of them knew he was in here? Would they treat him like a run of the mill prisoner, or someone bad? Or would they treat him like a victim of the system, forced to run in the wheels to stay alive in the machine?

...Dave lost his urge to play with his chickens, and once Belle and Henrietta and the others were fed, held, and put back in to avoid the next game day’s rain, he disconnected from online and got up to pace. Pacing helped. It helped to settle his racing thoughts, his worries, the stress. Pacing and working out, though he knew better than to do too much of that in the wrong way. Too much and he’d bulk up and be slower, too little and he wouldn’t be strong enough even with overdrive initiated, and any outside of his cell in the yard would just be a cause for infighting and more reason for people to try ganging up on him.

Winning multiple times in a row tended to put a target on one’s back, and Dave knew his spine was painted with the red of his victories in a nice big bullseye for everyone’s focus to be drawn to, so he tended to keep his head down and not react when provoked. It was safer. It was easier. It was the only way to be ready to keep going forward if he wanted to keep winning with his player.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

John had been playing games competitively for years, but he’d never played a game quite like this before. The controls to the humans bodies unleashed that untapped potential in some amazing ways, but the character that he’d been assigned as the player of had a few quirks. For one, he was the fastest thing John had ever seen in his life, hard to keep track of as if he phased in and out of reality in a blur when really pressed. For another, his reaction times and response times were through the roof. It was like he’d been born to be a piece on the board.

Every time he won, John received some prize money and accolades, though as the wins racked up, so did his curiosity. Who was behind that helmet? ...Did they like being a piece? Were they treated well when not on the board? Were they okay?

He’d never bothered with such concerns before. Being his mother’s son, he’d developed a bit of a streak for nihilism to get by, and everyone’s losses were just another game to him. That is, till a recent win had sprayed blood back on the feedback receiver and the piece died a slow death instead of the quick one he’d been expecting as the ultimate loss. Sometimes they were just incapacitated and could come back for another try, but other times killing blows happened. His swordsman piece was intensely powerful and he wasn’t afraid to use him till that second.

Now, John found himself second guessing the game entirely. They weren’t even able to scream when in pain, weren’t able to call it quits on their own. Broken bones or not, they could be pushed to the breaking point all over again at the hands of their controller, so long as their body could keep up under the strain. It looked like torture, he started to realize, not just some act. What kind of a life was that to live?

He’d asked about buying the freedom of his piece before, knowing his mother would agree if he plied her just right, wore his best bow tie and smiled as brightly as he could after doing some bonding activity or another with her, but rules were rules and not even the son of the regime leader could bend them once in place. If one could be bought out, they all could, and where would the games be then? The pieces remained where they were.

If he couldn’t get this person out illegally, then he decided he’d just need to win legally, and then see what they were like. Maybe plan for when he was older and more capable of fighting against his mother’s wishes to change the rules that were in place that no longer seemed fair.

John spent a lot of his time playing war games, battle games, fighting games, anything with intense combos and a reward and punishment system for fuckups, trying to hone his own reaction times so he’d be more useful for his piece. It was stressful, though. So stressful now that he knew the true weight of what hung over him. That’s why there was always time to wind down with his friends and play low stress games, farming sims and cooperative fantasy games that were mostly hunt and fetch. Everyone seemed to be into that kind of game, but Dave seemed to like them the most. He was always the first to volunteer to play, or was already playing on his own.

Sometimes John wondered what Dave got up to when he wasn’t online, it seemed like he was always there whenever John was. Oh.. maybe he didn’t have many friends? Aside from Rose and Jade and himself, who were all fairly busy people, maybe there wasn’t anyone else who could really play with him or talk with him or keep him company.

John knew how that felt.

Growing up as his mother’s son, he’d been lonesome in a lot of ways. People were either intimidated by him or pitied him, scared of the Crocker name and reputation that reached the world over. The Condesce was not to be trifled with, and her family was Perfect in ways that humans weren’t meant to be by sheer repetition and force. Perfection was expected, if not demanded, and John was… happy to comply.

That sure was one way to put it.

John diluted his stress through the games that took skill and timing to better deal with his home life, though now that he knew the truth about the piece game he played, the stress was rekindled in new ways. He didn’t have to be good enough for his mother anymore, he had to be good enough for her and good enough for the swordsman he controlled to keep him alive.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There was a game set for today, and Dave’s number came up. He spent the morning getting ready, making his usual posts on social media, stretching, eating breakfast and taking the first dose of medication that would relax his muscles and further attune him to the implanted receiver that rested against his back that would be plugged into the suit. He said hi to his friends like it was any other normal day, though John wasn’t around. Lately that had been a pattern that kind of sucked: any time it was a game day for Dave, there was a 50-50 chance John wouldn’t be around. He couldn’t say goodbye to any of them, not really, without being able to explain his situation… but it was still comforting to be around them whenever he could. Missing one of them was like an ache in his stomach.

No matter. There were bigger issues at hand.

Dave showered and put the plug suit on in his prep room, form fitting and designed for minimal armor, and adjusted the neck till he felt the receiver and the main plug connect and slip into place. Wired up, Dave sat down to put on his boots, high to the knee and laced tight, and then checked on his sword.

He hated the damned thing, but it’s what he was most attuned to already. It had been replaced a few times by now, sometimes breaking in the moment in older fights, or getting chips put into the metal from hitting the other players bone or armor or weapon head on. This new model was flawless, metal holding an iridescent sheen to it, weight good in his hands. His brother would probably love it, if he were still around.

...No. He’d probably hate it. Even with all the pimping out, his brother’s sword was still better, and he was still bitter about what they’d done to him. No amount of shine could polish that murder out of his mind.

With a soft whoosh sound, Dave felt the first relays acting up, signaling it was time to get ready and reach the main area. The players were prepared. Slipping on his helmet and cinching it in place, Dave took up his sword and waited by the door for it to open, releasing him to the main waiting area with other pieces. Some had hammers, others had lances or bow staffs, different weapons here and there. It really was like being in a video game, the uncomfortable flux of reality and game being all the more overpowering here.

They all reacted at the same time to the tone over a loudspeaker, the signal that the first connection burst was coming, stinging along their nerves like fire from head to toe till they almost dropped to the ground. The second burst was lighter, a relief to the body, freeing them from control. They didn’t have to think about their actions anymore. Everything was out off their hands at this point, left up to the unseen controller, the player in control of each piece guiding them forward in a procession to the arena and taking their pre-destined places. Dave’s was near the inner edge of the arena, closer to the middle that signaled the final battle to be won: if he got to go to the middle, and withstood the onslaught, he would be freed.

He couldn’t recall the last person who’d made it out that way, but he wondered if they were doing okay with their freedom. With their new life.

Dave found himself bouncing foot to foot soon enough, taking practice swings with his sword as his controller warmed up and prepared. Same controller, then. He did this every time before a fight, making sure the reaction times were up to snuff, making sure there were no latent issues before a match began. The red light above Dave turned yellow, and the bouncing of his body stopped, his stance lowering, one arm lifting like something out of an anime. ...What kind of a nerd was his controller, this was almost embarrassing.

Green light, and Dave was running full force ahead, hunting the first target.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

John was hooked up and prepared, gloves on his hands, visor over his eyes, and controls ready to be activated by hand or foot. He could hear the commentator giving live descriptions, and tried to tune him out. Anything he was describing had already happened, was too late, was pointless to focus on. A distraction. All John needed was his shared sight with the piece, the weight of the glove on his hands, and a reminder of just how much drag the sword had.

Combos were easier to execute with hands and feet, making the piece jump and slash, rebound, then spring towards another target almost faster than the commentator could track. Blood sprayed, reddening his vision, but it didn’t stop him. The only thing on John’s mind was combos, and avoiding being hit. Yeah, being hit wouldn’t stop him immediately… but it would slow his piece down considerably, and cause problems in general. Since coming to the realization that the pieces were living breathing people, since having the realization he was controlling a human’s life or death, John had become all the more ruthless.

He couldn’t save everyone but damn it he could try to save one of them, and he’d do everything he could to do that.

Breathing slowly, John counted down in his head as another target approached, swinging a large weapon wildly. One, zip close when the weapon was pulled back. Two, attack the torso. Three, attack the back before using it to spring free and away. Four, flee the area entirely, come back to finish them off later if needs be. They wouldn’t be much of an issue anymore either way. Cleanup was just for extra points and guarantees, but points didn’t matter in this game. Not really. The point were more there for the gamblers and the people trying to gauge odds at home. Staying alive was what mattered.

Another enemy came from the left, fast enough that John had to jump back to avoid the lance. A spurt of speed however, and he was running up the weapon at an angle, slashing for the helmet and shoulder of the user, leaping off in a tuck and roll flip when they started to go down.

John raced his piece around the center of the arena, sizing up a third target, taking the initiative this time. While they were busy with someone up front, he rushed up and stabbed through their middle from behind, blood pouring over his hands. The grip on the sword stayed true, however, cutting a deep angle into the body before withdrawing and slicking blood off down the blood groove thanks to a flick and some gravity. It left him face front with the piece the former had been fighting, who luckily hesitated before trying to do something complex.

John stabbed the sword down to ground himself and turned, aiming a harsh kick at the twisting midair figure, then followed through by grabbing the sword and slicing with a full body’s worth of momentum as he turned. Off went the competitors arm, and down went John to one knee to recuperate for a moment.

He’d pushed the piece’s body pretty hard, and knew all the blood was probably not great for their psyche, but what could he do! The best that could be done was to rest for a moment, let him catch his breath before going to pick over who was left till the number was low enough t-

The green lights turned red, signaling the end of the round, and John blinked.

Oh. Well then. Guess he was more thorough than anticipated.

Slowly, John got the piece back up to his feet and walked him to the waiting area where control would be disconnected. He kept the helmet on till last, wanting to catch a few more glimpses of his player character from the outside as he removed his gloves and finally the visor. Sound regained meaning to him again, as suddenly a microphone was placed in front of his mouth, the announcer wanting a few words from his victory.

“John, you’ve just placed first again in an unprecedented victory! Do you have any words for the fans at home?” asked the smooth talking fellow, his clothes too flashy, too bright for what had just happened. He’d just ended people’s lives with his own hands, made someone else kill people with their hands, bathed someone in their blood, and this jackass wanted to know what he thought?

Oh he thought plenty. ...But John knew his mother was watching, and if his mother was watching then he had to continue to be the good boy she knew and expected. He propped up a smile, bright and normal and perfectly balanced. Perfectly rehearsed.

“Well, darn, it’s not like it’s hard to do this. Just need to remember the right combos and have a feel for your piece,” he chuckled, giving a little wave.

“You heard it here first, folks! In his fifth victory, all you need to do is know how to play the game and you’ll win. Wise words from an excellent player, and wise actions from the son of our very own Condesce,” the announcer tutted, amused by the boyish words.

John remained on site for a while, answering questions and dealing with the bitter but good sportsmanlike handshakes from his competitors. They didn’t really seem to have the same worries John did. Their pieces had died, and the most they were upset about was losing, not that someone was dead. Not that multiple someones were dead. Not that more people would die the next week and the week after that, and the next time they came in to play they’d be involved in more bloodshed. None of it seemed to bother them, to touch them in the slightest.

When he was free to go back to his home, back to his room, he took his nauseated self to the lavish bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as he could handle it. Dinner would be delivered to his quarters later, since he usually ate in his room after games, but he wasn’t sure how much of it he’d really eat. Enough to keep his mother off his back and others from asking questions, at least.

Off went John’s clothes and his glasses in the steamy room before he entered the shower and sat down, letting the water run over him steadily. He watched his hands, flexed his fingers, and tried to remember the weight of the gloves. Tried to imagine how it would feel if he were the piece holding the sword instead of the controller. Tried to imagine what color his piece’s eyes were aside from the electric blue that signaled John’s control.

What did he look like? What was his name? How old was he? The helmet left so many questions, and though the armor gave pretty clear outlines to the body, it was hard to tell many details beyond general shape. His piece was slender and had lean muscle, was average height, and had long limbs and strong fingers. Controlling a sword felt natural with these controls. And then there was the strange speed… How could he even manage that? Even with the body modifications from the connection, even with the body being pushed to maximum, that speed was almost terrifying.

John slicked his hair back and reached up for one of the expensive shampoos from the edge of the tub, scrubbing his hair while he sat to make the most of his sulking. He eventually stood up and washed the rest of himself, rinsing off and leaving when he couldn’t stand the heat anymore, flopping on his bed with his towel wrapped around his waist so he could drip dry. Flipping to his stomach, body steaming, he grabbed his laptop and logged on, seeing the usual group.

Rose and Jade had been involved in a deep conversation about recreating musical tones digitally, wondering how to improve electric violins by going a step beyond, making it virtually possible to practice even without a violin in hand. Jade had experimented with a flute option but found it too difficult, while a bass option had worked well. Stringed instruments seemed to be heads above other types thus far, but she promised to iron the kinks out of it over time. Eventually an entire orchestra could be composed in virtual reality with accurate tones and intensity by a single person who would then be able to do the same with real instruments, or at least that was her plan.

gG: really, its not going to be that hard. It all just comes down to input and human error, but if things work out it would be like a training course that could carry over into the real world!

gG: remember those old games that taught you guitar while you played a game? same thing, but a ton of different instruments! :D

Dave logged on by the time John’s dinner was delivered by a maid, posting a picture of himself fresh out of the shower, blonde hair wet and hanging over his red eyes, skin pink from the heat. He was smirking, as if knowing the disruption would stir people up, and he was right.

gG: geeze, warn us first! :o

tT: If he warned us I don’t think he’d be able to post with that smirk.

eB: oh hey you just got out of the shower too.

There was a pause before Dave typed next in the group chat.

tG: well you cant just say that and leave the adoring public high and dry egbert

tG: pics or it didnt happen

gG: now were talking!!

tT: Not there’s challenges to uphold, no less. Jade, do you suppose we should do the same when we shower later?

gG: :( i already showered this morning though...

tT: Pity. Next time, then. I’ll be sure to remind you.

tG: that mean we get to see some lalonde action later or what

tT: By Lalonde action do you mean seeing me in a towel? Because yes.

gG: hubba hubba!! ;)

tT: Jade, please.

John blinked and scrolled back up to Dave’s picture, looking it over again while biting his lip. ...Shit. Okay, he was attractive when dry but seeing him wet just added another dimension to it. Hello future images for the guilty fap bank. He paused while saving the image with a slight frown, however, looking at his friend’s torso. There were bruises on him here and there, and the impression of what looked like a halter strap on his flushed torso. A shape that looked somewhat familiar against his flushed skin...

tT: John are you going to leave your public thirsting, or are you just building up anticipation before slipping something into the chat?

tG: hot

Oh. Right. Coughing, John sat upright and tried to pose himself with his towel similarly to how Dave had posed, showing off a bit while still being demure. It turned out different, John being chubby compared to Dave’s slender form, but he assumed it looked good enough to send.

tG: i repeat

tG: hot

tG: goddamn egbert is this why you dont post selfies more often

John bit his lip harder and groaned quietly. Someone who looked like that calling him hot? Shit, even if he was joking it went straight to his dick. The girls complimented him as well, and within an hour or two Rose had added a picture to the chat that they all showered with compliments, but it was Dave’s words and photo that haunted John as he went to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It had taken a while to wash all the blood off from the day’ competition. Dave returned to his room exhausted and dazed, deciding to show off for fun. At the right angle, nobody could see the implant or signs of where he was, a simple white wall behind him the ultimate incognito space to work with. If he couldn’t flirt with his friends, who could he realistically flirt with? Random people, sure, but it didn’t matter in the slightest comparatively. At least these people cared about him, and he cared about their opinions.

He’d already made up his mind: whenever, or if he ever got out of here, they’d be the first people he visited. Dave wanted to see Jade’s smile in person, and maybe kiss her. He wanted to hear Rose’s voice without the faint crackle of distance between them, and maybe kiss her too. And John… well. Shit. He’d kind of shown all his cards on that one this time, but who could blame him?

He was getting closer and closer to either winning or losing, and there might not be much time left. There was nothing to lose anymore. If he died, at least his friends would know he cared about them in a lot of ways. Dave stayed up late into the night shooting the shit with everyone, and once John went to bed, continued talking with the girls till only Rose was left in his direct messages, the group chat quiet for the night.

tT: Did you mean to spill homoeroticism all over the place earlier, or was it a slip that you just decided to own up to? It’s not the first time you’ve done it, but this is the first time you’ve been so blunt.

tT: However, if it’s a joke, it’s a tactless one. I think John was really flattered.

Dave sighed.

tG: it wasnt a joke

tG: i dont feel like getting into it right now

Not like he could really get into it, after all. The censors were ready and waiting for him to fuck up, and even if he tried, he wasn’t sure if Rose would understand the attempts at telling her about the game.

tT: Understandable, though I do hope you’ll let me in on it at some point.

tG: you feel like going on about why you were hitting on jade so much tonight

tT: She’s hot, who wouldn’t hit on her.

tG: touche

Maybe he could try, though.

tG: if i tried to explain something do you think youd be able to pick up what im putting down

tT: One way to find out, isn’t there. Am I masculine enough to pick up what you’ve placed down, or is this a request for a bend and snap.

tG: focus

tT: Yes, yes, focusing.

Dave licked his lips.

tG: i play a very intense thing

tT: An intense chicken hoarding game?

tG: im living an intense life in a place not my home

tG: and i might be famous without being famous

tT: Hm. Are you an internet celebrity? I admit I’m not on many social media sites, and the ones I’m on I more pay attention to my circles than anyone outside of them.

tG: nobody knows who i am

tT: Ah, the price of fame.

tG: i dont want to be famous

tT: I’ve heard the limelight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, yes.

Dave groaned and rubbed his face, frustrated, and hurriedly typed and sent a reply.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

tG: for fucks sake im a living piece in a game board and i dont want to die and id give anything to tell you all about this shit but theres a piece of shit watching me that wont let me

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

Cussing, Dave shoved his laptop away as the post was strangled and his connection was dropped for the night. Unable to distract himself, he slept restlessly on his cot, arms crossed and red eyes repeatedly looking towards the night sky from his barred window. Somewhere out there was all of his friends, and damn it, someday he’d get to meet all of them and let them know precisely what they meant to him.

#homestuck #johndave #john egbert #dave strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #beta ot4 lite #my fic

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dgcatanisiri · 4 years

Text

I don’t know if I make it clear or not when I’m ranting, so for the sake of clarity, I just want to be clear on this.

I am 100% aware that often times, the queer content that we GET is the best that the creators involved can manage. That there are people hovering over the shoulders of every content creator of any major and mainstream production that is even trying to offer queer content and going “but does it HAVE to be that obvious? We have a bottom line to think about.”

I’m gonna take a common punching bag around here - considering the fact that fans had to demand that it be patched to allow gay male players to have equal content to all other pairings, and that there was a fight to keep the lesbian character a lesbian and not a bisexual option, I’m willing to believe that Gil’s story in Mass Effect Andromeda was a wound of triage - his story is so bad, his content so inconsequential to the overall narrative, because at least that allowed them to keep him in the game, or keep Suvi as a lesbian. He becomes bad representation, because the alternative is no representation.

As much as I argue for all bi LIs in BioWare games (in all games, truly), I at least understand where they’re coming from in saying that they want to have representation even if they’re disappointing people who aren’t happy with their choices. It’s not the argument I believe in, obviously, but I do get where it comes from.

It’s why I try to avoid actually targeting writers on the matter - even when it comes to Dorian, a character I’m highly critical of, I focus on the WRITING, not the WRITER (it’s a subtle distinction, I suppose, but it is there). And I’ll often just say “BioWare” instead of naming any singular writer on the subject - even when the head of the project is queer, even if they populate the people working on it (”it” in this context being any creative endeavor, we’re moving beyond BioWare in specific here), with queer people, the ones who hold the pursestrings, who finance things and make the final decisions on how much they’re willing to support them... They’re the ones going “but no, don’t do that!”

It’s a great idea to have a cast full of queer, where no one is straight. Actually GETTING that, though, is virtually impossible, ESPECIALLY if you’re just trying to establish yourself, but even when you’re a major name. Because yeah, you might be able to throw some weight around and argue in favor of things, but you’re still going to hit the wall. And you need to know when you’re going to hit the limit - when to pick your battles, give here today so you can fight there tomorrow.

I recognize that sometimes, the best they really can give is what comes off as half-hearted, barely there, blink and you’ll miss it, because it came down to that or nothing, and they wanted to at least TRY - maybe they could be the stepping stone that led to more.

I mean, I think that’s part of the reason why I honestly just took the Voltron thing in stride, calling it a net win, both the Adam thing and the fact that Shiro got paired up with a barely there character in the finale. Like I pointed out at the time, Shiro was arguably the main character of the series, and he got to end the show not just marrying another male character, but kissing him on screen, front and center. Additional elements notwithstanding... That was a big deal, not even just in a franchise marketed to kids, but in the action adventure genre as a whole. Gay characters aren’t THE LEAD in this genre. At most, they’re a plucky comic relief sidekick, and they certainly don’t get a front and center kiss.

And, as I said back at the time, it isn’t a race where there’s one path for the whole queer community, whatever letter of the alphabet soup you identify with. EACH letter has its own path and set of hurdles - it’s why I was kinda irritated with all the “THAT’S how you do it, Voltron” stuff that went around when Adventure Time ended with the Bubblegum/Marceline kiss, because this was their final episode, while Voltron did TRY to have the character out DURING THE COURSE OF THE SERIES, not in the final episode.

Like... Okay, understand that I’m going to generalize/broad stroke things here for simplicity’s sake, I remember the cheering on Tumblr when Korra ended with Korra and Asami holding hands - Tumblr lost its shit. To me, the reaction to things surrounding the Shiro thing made it come across as Tumblr seeing the equivalent of that Korra/Asami moment, and yet tearing it apart, because, hey, the lesbians had been able to get their foot in the door, isn’t that enough for “the gays”? Shouldn’t that now be the new baseline?

But there’s a difference in “for wlw” and “for mlm,” just as there’s a further difference in “for trans,” “for ace,” “for enby,” for whatever letter or groupings of letters under the queer umbrella you choose. And I’m not saying that it’s any easier for wlw on representation - usually, if lesbians have better “representation” in a given piece of media, it’s less “representation” as it is “fetishization for straight men.” (And let’s not even go near the can of worms that comes from that subject in regards to characters on shows targeted to kids...)

All I’m saying on this is that there is absolutely hurdles still to go for wlw representation, but the hurdles that pass there aren’t automatically passed for any other category under the umbrella.

And all of it comes down to how willing those always-conservative honchos will respond. Even the best intentioned of them will often come down to the concept “but what if this negatively impacts our profits?” Because you can’t keep producing if you can’t make money with it. Somewhere along the chain, you WILL run into the type of person who wants a justification for queer content, and isn’t satisfied with “because people are queer.” They’ll use any justification THEY can to prevent it, from “there’ll be censorship in major markets” (meaning anything from the global economy to just the midwestern area of the US) to “but we don’t want to make controversy” (and, since Disney still gets away with advertising “the first gay character” in their movies, I sadly see that one...), and whittle down what they’ll allow, then cut it down even further in the editing room after the fact.

And I recognize that the situation isn’t going to improve at any noticeable rate. No, not even when “the boomers” die off. Not unless we see a MASSIVE structural shift in society (and, for all my hopes of what kind of soul-searching people will do during and because of the quarantine, I’m not about to hold my breath). Mainstream content is, sadly, a kingdom of nepotism.

So, yeah... I fully understand that, if the representation ends up being bad, odds are, that’s because it got watered down in the name of just being able to make it into the final product. It’s probably at least nine-tenths of why the queer narratives I complain about in my “another angry queer rant” tag end up being repeated, instead of getting new ones, because those are considered the “palatable” queer narratives and perspectives.

It’s a massively complicated chain of complex push and pull dynamics that no single content creator or piece of media will ever fix. The realistic (and depressing) perspective is that, truthfully, this is all a fight that will outlast all of us, and our descendants for generations, because this is arguing the very power structure.

Like the saying goes, when a group has historically had all the power and privilege, other groups gaining equality feels like losing something.

#dg rants #another angry queer rant

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