#knowing people are affected positively by my work?

[slytherinshua]

JUST US TWO

genre. academic rivals to lovers. mutual pining. fluff. a little angst. warnings. both reader and shinyu are academic slays. reader experiences burnout. not proofread thoroughly. pairing. class president!shinyu x fem!class president!reader. wc. 2.4k. request. requested by @eternalgyu, here. a/n. finally in my tws fic era ready to fill the void bcuz why aren't ppl stanning and writing for these boys??

You sighed as you shut your locker and the first thing in your view was Junghwan along with a small group of girls tailing behind him. You sent him a look, raising your eyebrow as if to question the situation, though you were all too familiar with it. It was almost routine. Junghwan could barely walk around the school without having his many admirers clinging to his side. It was annoying. He was annoying.

Junghwan just rolled his eyes at your look and walked off, leaving you to find your next class by yourself. You weren’t sure why you kept expecting him to show you any kind of attention. You were co-class presidents; so it would make sense that you would both get along. Apparently not, at least not during school hours.

Given the obvious dynamic between you two, most people in the school had a running joke that you both hated each other. You weren’t quite sure if it was true or not. Hate was a strong word, and annoyed might be a better descriptor of how Junghwan made you feel.

He never seemed to do his work as the president during school hours, spending the time instead flocked with his own group of admirers. You wondered how anyone could take that amount of attention without getting a headache. Not knowing when or if he would ever finish his assigned work had often left you stressing, yet Junghwan always seemed to pull through at the very last minute, often handing you the neatly done work minutes before you needed it. You weren’t sure how Junghwan had even gotten the position as president in the first place with how irresponsible he seemed to be. You were almost certain that he had gotten in by majority vote, using his good looks to get whatever he wanted, as usual. 

Most annoyingly was how his face seemed to stop you from reprimanding him whenever he didn’t do something he was supposed to. It meant more work for you, yet you couldn’t seem to even complain about it. Over the months, it became harder and harder to even keep up the playful banter and savage remarks that you were used to exchanging with him. Before too long you realized the detrimental mistake you had made.

You had grown feelings for him.

Exam season was always extra work for the class presidents. You had to take as many tests as all the other students, but your separate president responsibilities only increased as the end of the school year grew closer. You should’ve noticed the signs of burnout before they hit you hard, but you didn’t.

Everything started to feel overwhelming before you knew it. You could barely focus in class or when you tried to study. Everything seemed to bring you closer to tears, even little things like Junghwan’s teasing. Things you used to handle just fine, even some that you used to enjoy. You barely had the energy to be annoyed at Junghwan anymore, just confused. It was as if he was never affected like you were. Everything seemed so easy for him. It just wasn’t fair. Worst of all, he didn’t even seem to notice how much you were struggling. He was the only classmate in the school that you had ever considered to be your friend, but even now you were questioning it. The more you felt invisible to him, the worse your burnout got.

You kept pushing yourself as much as you could. You didn’t know what else to do but to keep going. It was all you knew how to do. You completed exam after exam, feeling numb each time you got your scores back, watching as they slowly continued to drop 1 point at a time. You tried your best to handle all the activities for class president duties on top of it, but each time you noticed how the quality dropped significantly. You didn’t feel proud of your work like you once used to, you only felt tired. 

You longed each day for someone to care enough to notice how much you were struggling. Particularly, you wished that Junghwan would notice. It was stupid to have developed a crush on him despite how careless and irresponsible he seemed to be, but you had genuinely enjoyed all the banter and rivalry you had with him over the months. It gave you something to look forward to. Another reason for you to do your best, knowing that someone would care and be impressed. Once you lost energy to keep up with it, though, you just wished he would talk to you normally. 

“Hey, Y/n! Can we talk?” Junghwan pulled you aside after class ended, something you couldn’t have predicted in a million years. “Are you okay?” His hands were placed on your shoulders, and he tilted his head, inspecting your face carefully, noticing the unmistakable signs of tiredness with worried eyes.

“Do you even care?” You asked, an unusually irritated tinge in your voice. You never talked like that. You were unused to having him this close to you. As much as you felt unable to do anything, you liked how the simple feeling of his hands on your shoulders seemed to ease away some of the stress you were feeling.

“Yes. I care about you. You’ve seemed so down lately, don’t think I haven’t noticed. I just want to know what’s bothering you.” He frowned when you started to tear up. “Hey…” His voice softened just above a whisper when the tears started to escape your waterline. He reached up to wipe them away, but hesitated at the last second, leaving his hand up in mid-air awkwardly. 

“Sorry.” You sniffed and stepped back from him to wipe away your tears. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me- everything’s just felt like so much. I-it’s stupid.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” He countered. His tone was almost unlike him. He was always joking and teasing, but he said it so seriously that you instantly wanted to believe him. He led you to sit down by one of the desks, pulling another one right across from it so he could sit facing you.

He coaxed you to tell him everything that was on your mind. You were apprehensive at first, wondering if he might make a joke out of it. You knew him and his tendencies, and while you sometimes adored how he could make light of any situation, it wasn’t something you wanted right now. Thankfully, he didn’t. He knew that it was a situation that was serious to you, and he only listened intently, giving you as much time as you needed. Only after he was sure that you were done telling him everything, he spoke again.

“I think you should step down from being a class president.”

“What?” You were taken aback by his suggestion. It was absurd. You had been the student president for years. You had worked your ass off for it. You almost couldn’t imagine not having the responsibility. 

“Just hear me out— only for a bit. The year is almost over anyway, and you’ve done more than 80% of the work. Next year you can go back to it if you feel like it, but you need a break. I’ll take care of everything, I promise, but only if you agree to give yourself a break.” 

His words slowly sunk in, and you couldn’t ignore how right he was. You were overloaded. The only thing that you could drop from your responsibilities reasonably was class president. You reluctantly agreed, deciding to trust Junghwan on this. You just hoped it wouldn’t backfire.

Adjusting to less responsibilities was hard and even uncomfortable at times. You were always used to busying yourself. The feeling of accomplishing another task had always satisfied you, but the ability to relax was a luxury you hadn’t experienced in a while.

Junghwan seemed to stick by your side more than usual. The normal teasing died down so much that you had to make an effort to get him to crack a joke. You missed your usual banter, and though it was nice to see this new, caring side of Junghwan, you missed how casual you used to be with him. Wondering whether your pathetic breakdown had made him uncomfortable plagued your mind at times.  

You still helped him with some of the class president duties. Only a little, though, as he wouldn’t allow you to do anything more than guiding him through what to do. It made for after school sessions together in the art room most days. You would work on homework or just relax and watch him work. You liked how warm it felt to be around him. 

“You were right about taking a break.” You said one afternoon in the empty classroom. Your head lay on the desk that Junghwan was working at, colouring in a big poster to hang up for the bake sale next Friday. The sunlight shone through the window and warmed the side of your face. Junghwan couldn’t help but get a little distracted at the warm glow of the light on your skin. Pretty.

“Oh? Was I?” He cracked a teasing smile, one that always felt right when he was around you.

“I know right? Who knew that you were capable of giving decent advice. You should become a counsellor.” You joked.

He shuddered, “God, no. Imagine having to deal with problems from people you don’t even care about every day.” 

You giggled and closed your eyes again, letting the sound of markers gliding across the paper be the only sound filling the room. Care. Junghwan cared about you.

A few minutes passed, simultaneously feeling like mere seconds and hours at the same time. There was no urgency when you were Junghwan. You were allowed to relax completely and think about nothing… Nothing but him.  

You loved the fond gaze he gave you, the crinkle of his eyes, the lift of his lips into a smile, the sound of his laugh when he got a reaction out of you. You used to despise how much you liked everything about him, how even holding eye contact with him would give you butterflies, but now, you didn’t seem to mind.

Junghwan finished the poster off with white highlights on the bright green letters, making sure they would pop out just as much as if you were the one making the poster. He smiled proudly at his work, hoping it was neat enough for you to approve of too. He was about to ask what you thought of it when he realized you had been quiet for longer than usual.

He glanced down, his smile growing even more when he saw your eyes still closed, head lying on the desk with your arm used as a makeshift pillow. He sighed, deciding not to wake you up just to affirm his poster for the bake sale. He rested his head on his hand, staring fondly at your peaceful face.

“Pretty…” He mumbled to himself without even realising. The image of you sleeping was just too perfect, and Junghwan quickly made sure to save it in his brain forever. He couldn’t deny that he had wanted to be more with you for a long time. At first, he was just excited to have met a girl who was on his level; who could match his brain and wit. You even surpassed him in most areas. He was never entirely sure if you were interested in him too or not, though. You never seemed to admire anything about him, neither were you prone to jealousy like past girls he had been interested in. You just lived as yourself and let him live with you without any expectations. And he liked that about you.

“No… You’re the pretty one.” 

Junghwan’s eyes widened as he looked back down at your face. Your eyes were still closed, a small smile playing at your lips, satisfied with your little whispered remark. Dozens of panicked thoughts raced through Junghwan’s head, but his face remained calm; still focused entirely on yours.

You opened your eyes and glanced up at him, lips curving into a more prominent smile. His ears were dusted red, and it was so cute. He just stared at you, voice caught in his throat. Not that you needed words from him. You sat up, leaning slightly closer to his face, searching for hesitation on his end. He just blinked at you, once, twice. 

You didn’t have time to see him blink the third time, because as soon as he did, he closed the small distance between you two. You had imagined kissing Junghwan many times. How soft his lips would be, whether the kiss would be fast or slow, how long it would last. All these things you had considered many times before. But the kiss in your imagination didn’t compare even a little to how he was kissing you now.

It was soft— both his lips and how gentle he held you. He seemed almost scared to push too far, but it wasn’t enough for you. You pulled him even closer, allowing him to tilt his head and taste even more of your cherry lip balm. He was breathless, face hot and mind completely fuzzy by the time you pulled away. You were no better than him. Your eyes still stayed close a few seconds too long as you processed what just happened. It had all ended too quickly, though you were sure your lips had been on his for at least 2 minutes.

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly and then giggled. You looked like a deer in the headlights as you blinked your eyes open. You broke away from your frozen state when you saw Junghwan’s bright smile.

“For what?” You asked, eyes twinkling. 

“For not doing that sooner.” He smiled.

“Better late than never.” You whispered.

Junghwan beamed, “I’ll make it up to you.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead as he stood up from the desk.

“And just how will you do that?” You asked suspiciously, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Will you go out with me on Friday?” 

“Hmm… It depends. Will you ask me to be your girlfriend on this outing?”

He grinned, “I could ask you right now if you prefer. Can I be your boyfriend, Y/n?”

You smiled fondly at him, adoration in your eyes, “Yes. You can be my boyfriend.”

↳ tws taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @eternalgyu,, @seunghancore,, @sobun1est,, @talkingsaxy

#﹒fics 𓈃 ⵌ #k-labels #shinyu #shin junghwan #junghwan #tws #tws shinyu #tws junghwan #shinyu x reader #shinyu fluff #shinyu fic #junghwan x reader #junghwan fluff #junghwan fic #tws x reader #tws fic #tws fluff #tws fanfic #tws shinyu x reader #shin junghwan x reader #shin junghwan fic #shin junghwan fluff #kpop imagines #tws kpop

[elonomhblog]

human resources management pt.3

this post is the third part to my little business exam revision series. the reason that i am making these posts is to study for my exam in a more enjoyable way.

part 1 | part 2 | part 4

today's post (written 27-05 and scheduled) focuses on pay and remuneration, performance appraisal, and recruitment and selection.

pay and remuneration

these two items make up one hrm topic. pay (generally) refers to wages, salaries, bonuses commissions, incentives, etc.. remuneration refers to monetary and non-monetary benefits such as sick leave and gym reimbursement. the purpose of pay and remuneration is to attract and retain employee talent, as well as to boost productivity and foster employee satisfaction.

let's focus on one example from pay and one from remuneration.

one example of pay includes commission, which refers to monetary incentives awarded to employees for hitting sales targets or other goals. the benefits of commission include increased employee motivation and potentially higher pay. however, customer satisfaction may be affected if employees are too focused on earning commission.

for remuneration, an example is paid time off. vacation days, sick leave, and other types of leave promote work-life balance and employee wellbeing. this may be costly for a smaller business, so remuneration packages must be well thought out and other departments (finance, marketing) must be worked with to achieve a well-rounded final package.

performance appraisal

performance management is a continuous process of identifying, measuring and aligning performance with the strategic goals of an organization. features of this hrm topic include clear goal alignment, continuous feedback, performance metrics, and KPIs (key performance indicators).

an advantage of performance appraisal is an increase in employee engagement because an employee's productivity directly correlates to their engagement experience. moreover, when performance appraisal is done well, businesses see a decrease in attrition rates. high employee turnover results in greater costs of hiring, lower productivity, and utilization of resources and time to train new people according to company objectives. performance appraisal works to combat this and reduce the cost of hiring.

performance appraisal may provide a challenge for companies since the basic system is to try and create a one-size-fits-all model. this simply does not work. employees might also feel demotivated due to perceived unfair evaluations during appraisal.

recruitment and selection

this is the largest hrm topic so far - and can be broken down into three main parts. internal recruitment, external recruitment, and the selection process.

internal recruitment is the action of filling roles through promotion and considering current employees to fill gaps. a business may choose to recruit internally because it can be cheaper, and quicker, and the business already knows the employee. this means that the employee is already familiar with the business and its operations. however, internal recruitment creates new vacancies - then, external recruitment must come in.

external recruitment refers to hiring employees who are not already in the company. this occurs when companies are looking for new perspectives/ideas, increased diversity, or when old positions need to be filled (when an employee has transferred/been promoted).

this can welcome a wider pool of applicants, fresh ideas, and increased experience and skills. however, external recruitment does not always result in recruiting a person who fits the job (or company).

in order to hire an employee, a hiring team must go through the selection process. it is a process that involves evaluating candidates based on their qualifications, experience, and other relevant factors to determine who is the most suitable for a particular job.

a proper structure is vital for effective and efficient recruitment and selection. here is the typical recruitment process: - identification of job vacancy - conducting job analysis - preparing recruitment documentation - advertising the vacancy

the general selection process: - shortlisting applicants - conducting interviews and assessments - selecting a successful applicant/s, and offering them the role

when performing recruitment and selection, the hiring team must decide how to assess a candidate. the two most common ways to do this is through an interview, or an assessment (or a combination).

interviews explore the applicant's personality and attitude - as well as discussion of their abilities and skills. although, this can be time-consuming, costly, and it doesn't always lead to the selection of the best applicant available.

assessments also look at the candidate's abilities, skills, personality and attitude, but in a more on-the-job way. the pressure from assessments may limit the applicant from exerting their true capabilities.

///

the hrm topics explored so far include demographic change, employee welfare, flexi-time, gig economy, immigration, pay and remuneration, performance appraisal, and recruitment and selection.

thank you for reading! i look forward to any feedback or questions from other ibdp business students (or anyone interested in business).

❤️ nene

image source: pinterest

#elonomh #that girl #student #productivity #student life #becoming that girl #academia #elonomhblog #chaotic academia #study blog #human resources management #ibdp student #ibdp #study #studying #100 days of studying #studyblr #study aesthetic #study community #study inspiration #study inspo #study notes #study space #study tips #study motivation #study hard #studyblr community #studyabroad #study with me #studygram

[kimmiessimmies]

Personal post

This will probably be the most non-Sims related post I've put on this blog ever. I'll put most of it under a cut, so you can choose whether or not to read it. The thing is, I could use some advice. And asking strangers from all over the world advice on something important might be weird, but you are also my community, so I value your opinions. Don't worry, this isn't a "Kim being depressed" kinda post. 😉 It's a work thing.

Upfront: This post is about me being unhappy in my current well-paid job and my search for something that makes me happy. It might come across sounding a bit entitled, since I know there are many people who would be happy to have any job, just so they can pay their bills. I'm sorry if this post triggers that, and I know I'm privileged to even be in this situation. ❤️

TL/DR: Do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: Do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well?

Okay, here's the deal. Currently, I work in education. I've been teaching for 19 years, and for the last 3 years, I've held the position that best translates to special needs coordinator at the school where I've been all of my working life. In short, my job entails making sure the teachers have the tools they need to help all kids in their classes with special educational needs, to make sure each child ends up in the right form of education fitting their needs and dealing a lot with difficult or even alarming home situations. My job can be rewarding at times, and challenging at others. Aside from this, I've been part of the management team at my school for almost 8 years. I work at a big school. It wasn't big when I started there, but it's big now. I have a degree in Early Childhood Education, and that's also the age group I've always dealt with. It's the age group I've always taught, and it's the age group currently under my supervision in the position I'm now.

This past year, I've struggled with my mental health, as I've mentioned before, and have not been at work fully for a while. My therapist and I established that while work is "okay", it's also not bringing me joy anymore while my job was once the happiest and most passionate thing I did. Right now, it's blah. This position is not one that really suits me, yet I don't want to go back to teaching either. I've been there, done that. Add to that the fact that, come September, my boss requires me to change my position slightly. I'd be doing the same thing I do now, but for an older age group. This has given me a lot of stomach aches, because the thing that still drives me to do my job now is the fact that I'm doing it geared towards the youngest kids in school.

All in all, the job is not bringing me happiness in the slightest anymore. Having said that, I know a lot of people do jobs that don't make them happy, but it pays the bills, so let's suck it up and just do it. Which is fine, I can do that too, except my mental health suffers...

However, there are a few good things about this job too:

The pay is really good

I have lovely colleagues

I have a lot of credits here because I've been here for so long. They know my worth

I have a very understanding boss who's been nothing short of wonderful during my depression

(If you're still with me, thank you for reading this essay all the way, it's appreciated 💗)

My therapist asked me, "If money weren't a factor, what would you be doing?" My answer was "write." More specifically, I just want to stay home all day and work on ATOH, but no one is going to pay me for that. 😄 So, write, or do a job in which writing plays a role. So, she advised me to start looking for jobs that fit that description. It was a rather depressing search. Most jobs that came close to what I'd like to do require degrees or diplomas I don't have.

And then I suddenly stumbled upon something: Assistent Project Manager at a small, but well established company that creates educational projects (usually based on children's books), books and materials geared towards early childhood education in particular, and currently expanding to do the same for education to older kids as well.

I felt like I had found the holy grail. This is writing, this is editing, this is being creative, this is working with authors, but it's also closely related to early childhood education, the thing I know so well. Despite still being semi depressed, I felt like I needed to at least give this a shot. So, I wrote a letter, enclosed my resume, and waited. I didn't have to wait long, because a few days later I got an invite for an interview.

I went for the interview and was welcomed at a small and very homely office space (with an office cat!). We had a good talk and I left happy. They invited me to do a "trial day" with them, which is what I'll be doing today. They've had a lot of applicants for this position, but from the contact we've had since, it seems like I stand a good chance.

Sounds like a no-brainer? Perhaps, unless you have my brain... Because there are doubts:

Pay. This job pays quite a bit less than my current one. I'm a single parent and therefore sole breadwinner in my household. Currently, I make quite good money because I've been in this job for a long time and hold a relatively high position in the organisation. We can pay the bills, go on holidays, and even splurge occasionally (for example, the very pricey laptop I bought a few months ago). With this job, I would still make enough to pay the bills and go on holidays, but I will need to keep an eye on the money, and there won't be splurging for a while. I do know this sounds like a luxury problem to some.

Job security. In my current job, I'm under a fixed contract. Basically, unless I royally fuck up, I can't be fired. With this job I'd start on a year contract. After that year, they can either decide to give me another year or let me go. This won't just be if I mess up, but also if they decide I'm not the best person for the job after all, or if I don't fit in with their small, close-knit team. Worst case scenario; they let me go, and I'll have to go back to education and probably teach again.

These doubts are few, but strong. So, basically, like I already said above: do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well (since it's publishing)?

I don't need anyone to actually answer those questions, but those are the wonderings on my mind I wanted to write down. Thanks for reading. ❤️

#personal #non sims

[seasicksilver]

Some people have said that my comic of Reigen in the psych ward made them feel better & lessen their anxiety about psych wards...I’m at a loss for words. In a good way. 

#vxtr update #psych ward mention #knowing people are affected positively by my work? #wow #it's something i wasn't expecting #i started to tear up reading what they said #it seems so small & we might not think about it at the time #but when you create and post for people to see #it could make a difference to them #psych wards can be scary & not all of them are great #but the fear of being in one can put people in danger even more #and i've HAD bad experiences in them #but i try take something from each one i've been in and use what i've learned #because i have to keep trying #god this got emotional but i'm grateful that those people told me #because i see that comic in a new light #it was really just something quick & mindless #now it's one of my favorite things i've done

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own

#young 20 something mum and middle aged mother of 3 #both just. asking *questions* #what do hormones do? when/how did you know? why is it so important to you? #these ate genuine questions seeking to understand!! and it means so much to me that i can BE that point of understanding! #adfhsjsj they were talking about periods and the younger woman was like. sorry if this is uncomfortable Jason #and im like. lol dont even worry i still get then too and they suck #older woman was like??? i thought hormones stop them??? im not on hormones yet i just naturally have hormonal imbalance thanks to PCOS #its just...if someone genuinely doesnt understand but is willing to learn? its a conversation worth having. #and i cant know that i always have a positive effect but i ways come back to the vaguely right leaning centrist dude i worked with at mcds #who told me i had changed his view of masculinity and gender as a whole #just by talking and explaining ny experiences #even if he ends up being the only other person I affect..its all worth it.because without me or someone like me he would never have changed #sorry i just get emotional sometimes thinking abkut how...probably the majority of cishets who arent plugged into tumblr #do not experience queer people. hell #im sure there are alot of queer people who havent been exposed to queer theory either #and it means the world to me that i can present and explain that understanding. that willingness to understand. #fuck man if you had told me id be doing this in my early teens id never have thought it possible

[dykealloy]

.

#how to tell your work that no. actually. its not okay for you to take a photo of me for your socials #because if i see it i will be mentally paralysed by how fat and ugly i am for the remainder of the week #not to be a superficial self obsessed bitch but i will hyperfixate on it #i will want to tear my skin off #i will think about the fact that this is how every single person sees me from that angle #and i will not want to leave the house for the following month #no. i would not like my image on camera. i would not like to see it. can you fucking not #me: sure :) #fr i dont know how to explain this beyond 'body dysmorphia' #but like. im not dysmorphic. im not delusional. my body does look like that. im just fat and ugly. i mean that in the most objective #descriptive of ways #and it does affect how people see and interact with me. and the underlying mindless inherent biases in the way people perceive you #'body positivity' i am positive that i will be devalued #and that i will have to work harder to make up for these superficial flaws

[the-everqueen]

today a friend messaged me and said she and the gf were talking about how much they miss me being around when i'm at school. and...the realization that my friends like being around me, they have positive impressions of me, they want me here.

#para mi #it's just like. so often i feel like a failure as a friend/person. #like i'm not doing enough for everyone and i need to be putting in more work so they won't regret my existence #paradigm shaking that people can have a positive idea of me in their heads #the people i've known and know can genuinely like me #this is probs the result of having had ''friends'' who made me work for their affection/attention

[laomelettedufromage]

Oh boy guess who has to make decisions about their short term future soon😳

#my boss offered extending my position to as long as next spring #100% will have to talk to her about what I would be doing if I stayed before I decide but oh boy #oh boy oh boy #I’ll probably say yes tbh?? probably?? #like I do consider myself more of an ecology person and this lab is more evolution based #but I seem to get along with the people in the lab and they pay me really well for a tech position #I’m going to assume I’d probably be doing a bit of lab work which for resume purposes could be really good #i have like zero practical lab experience #even though I think I’d miss field work a lot #and since I’ve never done lab work before I’m not sure how much I’ll like it but won’t know until I try?? #this traveling portion of the job has been hard but not terrible #and most of the hardness has stemmed A LOT from missing friends #which if I stay I probably won’t be back in my home state for… awhile #which I was legitmately really really looking forward to visiting one of my friends at their temp job #and so I’ll be pretty sad tbh to not get to do that #but also I know that’s not something that should affect my job security making decision🤪 #but I’ll definitely be sad nonetheless so🤪 #and I was making plans to like visit my roommates at their new places and everything but🤷‍♀️ it is what it is #god early adulthood sucks sometimes doesn’t it #there’s also the whole ‘I don’t know if I want to stay in research or wildlife work’ thing too #like I love field work… in increments #i think full time field work is really fucking hard and exhausting #but I do legitmately enjoy it and the experiences it’s granted me #even if it’s also super repetitive and boring at times #and I’ve been told I’m scientifically minded by my friends #but I don’t see myself long time pursuing research… #and of course there’s other wildlife jobs out there that don’t completely focus on research but… it’s hard #my tentative back up plan is scientific illustration but I’m not even really sure about that😔 #ugh anyways I don’t need to be thinking that far ahead yet I have time🙃 it just… ugh #by yours truly the omelette of cheese

[scruffydogposting]

Covid and mental health dump in the tags//

#I’ve been trying to be positive about this covid situation but like #I tested negative today which is great #but I took a shower and stuffed kongs and that’s literally all I could do today #the fatigue is lingering so much that it’s affecting my mental health because I feel like I’m depressed but not #and I am relapsing on some of my worse anxiety symptoms too #and I know I just have to take it easy until I feel better #but I also read that overdoing it could make the fatigue more likely to last #AND 25% of people get long covid and by god my health fits right into those odds #and I know I’m lucky to not have to go work right away and be supported by those around me #but it feels like all the progress I’ve made wrt my disability is gone #which worries me for my future #and I’m trying to have faith but :) #idk if I can meditate my way out of this one bro #ndr #covid #anxiety #depression #mental health #disability

[arthur-r]

being involved in local politics is exhausting

#primaries for city and state government are tomorrow #i haven’t done anything about state but i still have time #i’ve been too focused on the mayor and city council positions and developing strong feelings #there’s somebody running for city council who lives in elko new market and when asked about the state of business in my town had no idea #she’s running on principles of being a good business person that is her entire pitch and she doesn’t know anything about local businesses #she also doesn’t care at all about wage and says they should leave it to the state #which i think is ridiculous when minneapolis raised their wage to $15 because now the majority represented won’t care about state anymore #like most of minnesota already has living wage and so nobody is going to care about the rest of us #(reasons i would ideally be able to ride the bus 40 minutes a day to minneapolis to work) #anyway i’ve been researching candidates and telling my sister who to vote for since she’s 18 this year #i’m never going to personally vote in any minnesota elections (moving out at 17) so i’m doing all the advisory i can while i’m still here #anyway most of the people running for office are old white people with scandals in their past #or weird rich people who don’t even live here who just want an easier election than the cities #which makes me so angry honestly. people who run for office here because they wouldn’t make it in st paul #they run for office here because it’s a smaller voter base and not too far of a commute. and know absolutely nothing about who we are #and like. i don’t have immense loyalty to this town. i belong to three of them for goodness sake but just. idk!! #i want the people running the town i work in to be people who actually care about local businesses #and i want them to care about workers rights and raising the wage and encouraging diversity and stuff that personally affects me #i hate how all the elections in my town are people who are too conservative for the twin cities and don’t care what suburb they choose #because sure i live in just another stupid suburb but maybe i actually care about it a little and maybe i want people to care who we are #anyway. yeah. hopefully my encouragement of my family to vote will make a difference #sorry for ranting about suburban minnesota politics. audience of no one. but yeah idk #me. my post. mine.

[confinesofmy]

soo crazy how after about a year and a half of leaning heavy on my family because my mom died and i was falling apart i am now pretty sick of the majority of them lol. like i finally fell in with them properly because the circumstances were right for it and uhhh turns out they're bad. can't stand em. lowkey. not good people, like for OTHER people they're not. but also me personally they're not good for me to be around. so now i know lol. 😵‍💫

#my cousin was telling me about something happening with her mom rn and i can't even put it into words nor do i know what to think #or how to act #and there's nothing to be done but just sit with it #and i'm unhappy to know it #and it's second-hand! like it's not even my burden to bear and i'm just 🫥 #and we also talked about my parosmia bc she bought a salad that smelled so unspeakably bad #and she was like you should have told me and i was like i didn't know for sure that it would smell bad #and i don't feel comfortable demanding you not eat around me unless i approve of what you choose like that's crazy #and she was like well i would! if i was in your position i definitely would #so i was like yeah i guess. i guess i'm just used to people having bad reactions when i even bring it up. #and she was like yeah <other cousin> thinks you're faking it #and i knew obviously. because of the way she acts. but jesus christ. #that's so so mean to even think. such a misunderstanding of me as a person but also just. literally fucking mean. #and that's how she is with everything #she wouldn't believe in a snake if it bit her #and if we had spent more time together we would've talked about all the other people i can no longer particularly stand #god what a bummer #they were a much better support system when they were hypothetically supportive #presumed supportive #adam yaps #also i love the cousin i was hanging out with today very very dearly but she has low emotional regulation #and it drives me slightly fucking insane at times :') like can you please keep it together for a few hours :') #but that. might be my own internal issue that eye need to work on... like other people's emotions shouldn't affect mine maybe #or maybe i'm right and it's fucking annoying to hang out with someone who's very vocal when they're not having a good time lol idk 🤷

[silverislander]

i know logically in my brain that i have a disorder that makes it hard for me to focus and do work, the symptoms of which are not gonna go away bc other people need/want me to do stuff, and still like. i'm behind on a bunch of shit for school rn and i'm kind of spiralling over it bc WHY IS IT HARD. this is stuff i like doing and that i want to do. and i can't for the life of me fucking do it and the deadlines are coming up and i NEED TO FUCKING GRADUATE so it has to get done

#i have two assignments due for indigenous lit and i havent even read/watched the materials which is fucking shameful ngl #im so disconnected and behind in that class its not even funny. ive been skating by reading part of the books and doing shit last minute #and i feel awful abt that in particular bc i WANT to give it my full attention. i want to learn. this is important and interesting to me #im also a week behind on my essay which terrifies me ngl #im a week OUT from the next deadline and thats not getting met. which begs the question of when im going to be able to submit it #when i asked my prof for extra time he said he trusts me to 'work conscientiously' which. god. thats so kind but i dont do that #theres an assignment next week for book history that i dont have even started and dont understand #and i cant make myself do fucking anything at all i want to fucking cry #why cant my brain work normally please this one time #why cant literally anyone in a position of authority take me seriously that its a problem i am literally begging rn #im tired of being told that im smart so i can do it bc i literally cant anymore! its been getting worse for years! #i Am smart enough to do this but something else is wrong!! please!! im trying so hard and i know its not this difficult for everyone #im only taking 4 courses! i know people taking 5 who arent struggling as much as me w workloads!! #its gonna take me failing for anyone to care and i cannot fail at this point. im almost done #levi.txt #vent tw #and then i also feel bad bc i blame everything on my adhd #but also. it does fucking affect all aspects of my life #and i feel like i complain too much but that simultaneously nobody is getting how hard shit is for me/how im not ok #delete later #im not asking for attention rn im just yelling into the void dw abt it. ill probably feel better in an hour or two

[somuchstrdst]

impostor's syndrome is so fucking real sometimes i feel like my coordinator will see that giving me a new position was a mistake and i'll lose what i barely just accomplished

#being in a position of importance and realizing that every single thing you do can affect others more than you imagined #it's a fucking anxiety trigger #specially if not making one small thing is a domino effect #and it's no one else's fault but mine #i hate it #i don't wanna do this anymore #and i feel like the people who are 'subordinated' to me don't want to take me seriously yet #i don't know i just have this gut feeling i'm not well suited to be in a coordinating position #and i'm making mistake after mistake #and like #i suggested one thing that it's something the school should've always had and then my coordinator instead of positively validating me #he keeps saying how much work i actually now gave to the logistics team #and i'm like: 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ #i know he's joking #but for someone with lack of confidence as me this is not good at all #personal x

[medicaltechnician]

idk if its the late nights and lack of activity (my own fault) but i’ve been feeling like i need out of this friend group more and more. Idk what it is (i do, it just seems… petty and stupid. And just seems like a me problem not a them problem.)

problem ofc is that, there are a couple people i like as friends in the group. hell fuck i love them all and don’t want them out of my life completely. sort of wish that I didn’t have my ex out of my life completely. Maybe one day we can reconnect. But we both have to be more mature for that. We both need more growth. No idea how he’s doing.

I feel like I villified him a bit in my brain. Which was urged by my closest friend. Who I trust with my life so. (this was after I confessed maybe I have problems with him to to this friend. which was valid). Idk, people approach things differently. And I agree’d with my friend.

I think its a problem with how I talk. I guess I come off in absolutes? Idk. I give off, strange vibes when I talk. This tangent makes no sense to anybody but me.

But also, can’t just, drop em? They’re sort of my only friend group. It ain’t like I get out and about. I don’t mesh well with people. It sort of sucks that the most I’ve meshed well with is my ex, my bestie, and another friend. My ex is no contact so fuck me ig. My bestie is pre-occupied with other things and personally, I feel we’ve drifted a bit. I’m not too bothered by it? It’s neither of our faults, just taking different life paths. Also going from complete co-dependency to what we have now. What we have now is probably just normal friendship lmao. And then the other friend is a couple years younger than me, so obviously they do have their set of friends within their age group. Which I encourage them hanging out, like obviously. I see myself as more of an older brother figure ig. Try to part some wisdom I’ve gained. Then theres my crush and obviouslt rhats a mess, I wish I never had a crush on him so we could have a normal relationship. I wish I could have friends?? Idk. what am I talking bout?

So, yeah. I need to get out of the house more often so I can meet like-minded people (in the creative and path sense) so I can actually do the things I want to do. I don’t even need to be a producer or lead or director. Fuck I’m happy starting from the bottom and working my way up. (Ideal situation is mainly being on equal footing. I want people to give their input and ideas to my ideas, and vise versa)

#ker talks #it’s strange nowadays i feel like when i reach out im being annoying or smth #whether im reaching out for positive stuff or negative #when i do i rarely get a satisfactory response in my mind. feels like i’m being brushed off. #or ya know i’d like to hold a conversation thats got some meat to it? but it fizzles out #shit wondering if my bestie even wants to talk to me. #last time I came over I was hoping to watch jerma together and we did-ish. he sort of was textin/interacting with his crush #or just on his phone idk. call me a boomer but it bugs me when people r on their phone in a one on one situation #I understand if it’s a bigger group or if ya just checking it #but it seemed fuckin constant. it sucked. shit. #its worse when we get high together esp since i only get high alone so i tend to scroll a bit too #but itd be nice if when we got high we did stuff together esp in person next time we hang out i’ll keep note of this stuff and bring it up #just to make sure i aint making it up. esp cause i feel like im being stupidly jealous bout this #i see him interact with others? whats different bout me. he said he feels comfortable actually unmasking round me #and i know interaction drains him and fuck he went through so much and is trying his hardest to stay alive and sane rn #so idk i dont want to put more on his plate. but its fucking me up a bit too. #hell one of the things we went thru together. reacted differently and affected differently cause slightly different situations. #its honestly one of my working theories on why we drifted cause we keep reminding eachother of that night by interacting. #it sucks. alot. i dont want to be reminded of my failures. of the fact it traumatized him so fuckinf deeply and i failed. #and then i feel guilty for even feeling like shit bout the event cause i didnt have /that/ happen to me i just happrned to be there. #i need a goddamn professional to sort this out. it sucks ass. and i hate that it fuels my self hate #both to do with my inability to protect and feeling insignificant. overshadowed. thats the worse feeling of it all.

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

.

#my heart breaks a little whenever I remember I don’t live in Grenada anymore #and not in the touristy it’s a tropical paradise way (it is) #but as in that’s my home #that’s where most of my family is #that’s my people my culture etc #I’m thinking when we lived there like we weren’t poor but we weren’t rich either #the financial position we’re in now is deffo better #and Ik the uk as more opportunities in terms of jobs and education #and the healthcare is better etc #but like I’d still be so much happier at home #if I don’t like move there in late adulthood and work remotely #or move their when I retire #i know I’ll die deeply unhappy #the natural landscape does affect my mood as well tho defined #definitely * #I think that’s why I’m drawn to like to countryside here #because of the greenery #reminds me of home #not nearly as beautiful but still

[lundenloves]

dad!simon masterlist | taglist | masterlist | request info

dad!simon who will near fall asleep on the sofa, sat upright with wide legs and his arms crossed, only opening one eye to pretend he’s listening while one of his daughters rambles about school drama.

dad!simon who scoffs when another monthly subscription or amazon payment goes through his card, brows knitted together after asking just why the house has to be subscribed to four separate streaming services.

dad!simon who never remembers his kids’ friends names. it could be his daughters best friend of seven years and he still wouldn’t remember.

dad!simon who visually could not care less about the gossip his daughter waffles about, mumbling “mhm” every so often to appear engaged though shrugging when called out on his evident boredom.

dad!simon who tsks at all the parcels that come through the door day-to-day. living with three daughters and a wife, it’s constant. he detests being the only one home and having to sign for something — will actively ignore a knock on the door when there’s other people in the house.

dad!simon who (when drunk) is the height of amusement for his eldest. many snapchats exist of him being handed the phone already recording and goofily grinning into it while looking up at her “what am i supposed to be looking at?”

dad!simon who sticks post-it notes in bold handwriting to the fridge whenever anyone has an appointment due the following day. “don’t forget.” complete with a fullstop and a harsh underline of the time in military digits.

dad!simon who replies sarcastically to almost every obvious question with his natural glare, something each of his kids had genetically taken: “don’t ask stupid questions and you won’t get stupid answers.” he loves them really.

dad!simon who silenced the family groupchat as soon as he had figured out how to, only replying every other day with a thumbs up reaction or more likely a thumbs down.

dad!simon who side eyes his kids. he doesn’t mean it, yet it happens. watching throw away tv? side eye. talking too loud on the phone? side eye. wearing a questionable outfit? side eye.

dad!simon who has a firm routine. he fucking detests being interrupted, and or spoken to from the hours of five till seven in the morning. he’ll get up, have food and go to the gym all in this time frame before anyone can dent his peace.

dad!simon who sighs avidly. a long and painful sigh after any merely simple question is asked or he’s to pick up one of his kids from a night out. “fucking well told ‘er not to expect me past twelve.” while accidentally slamming the door behind him, keys jingling around his finger.

dad!simon who struggles to show affection in any other way than a short pat of the shoulder or a one armed hug, pulling his kids into his chest for mere seconds before stepping back.

dad!simon who groans whenever anything gets moved in the house. his military mind in favour of keeping things in one position, untouched and moved for preferably ever unless he was told. though, having kids didn’t quite work like that.

dad!simon who: “do i ‘av to do fucking everything in this house? eh?”

simon ‘ghost’ riley taglist: @vamppxncess @crowbird @tallrock35 @fluffmonster @islanderr @blueoorchid @lea3773 @coldflapjack @rayhawk05 @han11dh @liishook @melovetitties @fallonx @rvjaa @fuckmelifesucks @bhayatsara @takeomisbitch @local-spidey @konigsblog @penutjuice @babychoi03 @sheluvzeren @sparklingtragedy @maviee @wiserebelpartypie @daddylorianisastateofmind @bhayatsara @mistydeyes @writingmysanity @johfaam0 @idkbbyx3 @gressseyy @fwibblefwobble @shibble @maladaptivedaydreamingbum @airghostlyfox @hotgirlsshareaccounts @simpxinnie @dilfdotgov @cliosunshine @bloobewy @lazybutsmexy @maki-z @yyiikes @tieflingteatime @cosmoscoffeee @lilvampirina @cinnabeanz @bubbyblob

˗ˏˋ university is still kicking my arse into next week. i joined the football team too, fuck knows why i’m making myself busier than i have to be. alas here we are, and i’m feeding the pigeons! aka sprinkling dad headcannons until i get traction again. pls love me, pls follow me, pls reblog, pls validate me.

the reason i tag this as ‘x reader’ as it’s ur fuckin family with him. no one bite my head off man i can’t be bothered tonight.

#simon ghost riley #cod mwii #cod mw2 #cod mw fanfiction #simon riley #ghost mw2 #cod mw2 x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley fanfic #simon riley x f!reader #simon riley x female reader #simon riley headcanons #dad!simon #cod ghost #ghost cod #ghost x reader #ghost call of duty #simon ghost riley headcanons