#like actually an astounding amount that i. it’s weird that no one talks about it i just randomly REMEMBERED | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tripleyeeet · 10 months

Text

IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE, MAYBE (2)

SUMMARY: It's always been hard being the sibling of a superhero. Lately though, it feels next to impossible.

PAIRING: Miguel O'Hara & Female Reader

WORD COUNT: 5,136

WARNINGS: Angst, enemies-to-lovers adjacent, descriptions of a panic attack/dissociate behaviours, inappropriate use of medication/alcohol consumption.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, first of all, the amount of love I've received from this fic has been insane??? Like, y'all really knocked it out of the park, both here and on AO3 and I'm absolutely astounded? Thank you so much! You guys have literally motivated me so much so hopefully this chapter lives up to the hype of the first? :)

CHAPTER LIST / LAST CHAPTER / MASTERLIST

“God, I am never drinking again.”

You stumble into the living room with your hands against your eyes, palming the sockets roughly. It’s morning, maybe even early afternoon, and already the sun is pushing through the blinds, coating the apartment in enough light that it makes you squint. On the couch Miguel grumbles under the covers as you walk by, pulling the fabric over his head as he readjusts his position, directing himself away.

You’re surprised to see him there but say nothing, opting to wander into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water, noticing a fresh sticky note on the fridge: Call me when you’re up —Pete!

Hm, he must’ve gone over to MJ’s for the night.

Peeling the note away, you continue your trek for hydration, grabbing a glass that you fill and chug down twice before feeling satisfied enough to continue. Or at least, enough to survive considering just how sore you are. From your knees down you can feel the leftover aches from walking home; the many miles you’d managed to travel in your drunken state now heavy on your mind. There are at least one or two blisters on each foot thanks to your poor choice of footwear while the muscles surrounding your shins feel like they might actually be burning through your flesh.

As you walk back through the living room you try not to groan at the pain, turning your attention to Miguel who’s now reluctantly awake.

“Morning, grandpa.”

You walk over and press the sticky note to his forehead, ignoring the way he swears under his breath and looks at you with narrowed eyes.

“It’s not nice to assault people with sticky notes before they’ve had coffee.”

Shrugging in response, you walk back to your bedroom to grab your phone, listening to the creak of your couch as Miguel shifts out of place.

It’s weird that he’s still here. After everything that happened last month, you were certain you’d never have to see him again. Being Peter’s boss and not much else, he’d become nothing more than a disdainful memory as time went on. A poor impression from the past that Peter never talked about. If you were honest, you weren’t expecting to hear about him so soon, much less see him, especially without his mask.

So seeing him here, sitting so nonchalantly on your couch is a bit strange. Off-putting in a way that leaves you emotionally winded as you sit on the edge of your bed, staring at your notifications.

There’s about half a dozen apologies from Peter alone, each variation more extreme than the last. Mixed between there’s a few memes and a picture of him pretending to cry on MJ’s floor with the caption sorry for being the worst brother, which you immediately save for future use. There’s also one from Harry asking you to send him a work email that you ignore and another from Gwen once again asking you to come for brunch.

You glance at the time, noticing that it’s nearing eleven. She and Harry are probably already at their usual spot, munching away on overpriced, organic eggs and inhaling mimosas. (Something you'd normally enjoy but can’t quite fathom doing thanks to the pain currently rippling through your body.)

Groaning, you curl further into the bed, feeling your head shift like an ocean wave that sends you flying across the room. In response, you shut your eyes as tight as possible, hoping that if you roll with the movements you’ll get used to them faster.

Immunity through the power of will and all that.

“I see you’re still alive.”

You refuse to open your eyes. You need to focus on getting better —on pushing through the swirling motions that attack your brain because if you don’t you’ll be stuck here all day, helpless and in pain and way too dizzy. No longer will you be a person, but instead a shell. A fragile casing of sensitive flesh stretched over bruising bone that will slowly but surely deteriorate over time.

“Are you always this dramatic?”

The urge to argue persists, flowing through you just quick enough that you find yourself opening one eye, noticing his stance.

He’s standing nonchalantly in the centre of your room; hands placed neatly on his hips. On his face, the tiniest of smirks pokes out of the corner of his mouth, prompting you to lift your head, blinking at what feels like a rare sight.

“Are you always this hostile?”

“Only in the morning.”

“Even towards complete strangers?”

“Especially to strangers.”

“Makes sense why you don’t have many friends.”

“And how would you know that, stranger?”

He’s got that teasing tone that Harry always has. The one that sounds so condescending that it borders flirtation. Immediately it makes you roll your eyes and direct your attention back to your phone, realizing just how little you want to continue this conversation. You’re too hungover. Too sick and tired to do this whole back-and-forth thing, so instead you call Peter, putting the call on speakerphone with a sigh.

It rings twice before the other end clicks to life, a very joyful and awake Peter greeting the both of you. “Good morning friends, how are we doing on this beautiful morning?”

Almost in unison both of you grumble out a quiet fine that makes Peter laugh, prompting you to look at each other with shared disgust.

“Are you hungover?”

“What do you think?”

“Gwen called me this morning,” he says, changing the subject. “She wants to go for brunch.”

“That’s nice, but I will not be attending on the account of the fact that I’d rather die.”

“So dramatic,” Miguel chimes in.

Ignoring him, you place your phone onto the pillow next to you and tighten the covers around your throat.

Your head is still spinning but less so, the waves feeling more like lakeside tides than oceanic swells, leaving you thankful. There’s nothing worse than the spins after a night out. You can handle the stomach aches and even the vomiting but the second you can feel that mental drift you’re a goner.

“Okay well, MJ and I are going to go if you change your mind. Miguel, you're welcome to come too.”

“No thanks,” he says, unsurprisingly.

There’s a pause after that. One that lasts a solid five seconds but feels like a lifetime longer thanks to the way Miguel continues to stand there, staring at your pathetic frame tucked haphazardly beneath the covers.

“You know staring is rude, right?”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, and weird too considering I barely know you.”

“You saying it’s weird for strangers to stare at strangers?”

“A little, yeah, so knock it off.”

He gives in, his eyes diverting towards the window before they move to the door, motivating his body to leave the room without another word. Once he’s gone you let out a sigh of relief and listen to his footsteps, hearing the way they move through the living room and into the kitchen.

It makes you wonder why he’s even still here, taking up space in a home he isn’t really welcome in. You figured it was obvious from the beginning that he was nothing more than an overnight guest. A protective stand-in meant to slip away in the dead of night with no word or note. He was never meant to linger the way he is now and a part of you wonders if he already knows. If instead of picking up and applying said social cues, he’s opting to ignore them for some higher purpose.

It wouldn’t make much sense but then again, you don’t really know Miguel so maybe he’s just a lingerer. Maybe he’s socially awkward and doesn’t understand that when you’re being mean to him it means you want him to leave your house so you can vomit in peace.

“I see you guys are getting along.”

“Swimmingly.”

“Did you two have a good night?”

“Yes, oh my god it was amazing!”

“Really?”

You offer a fake laugh that Miguel walks in on, raising his brow in confusion. “No, we had a terrible time. Your boss is mean, Peter.”

Offended, Miguel opens his mouth to speak but quickly closes it, watching the way you smirk beneath the covers, watching his brows knit together.

“How am I mean? I walked you home didn’t I?”

“Sure, begrudgingly.”

He scoffs, his palms moving to encompass his hips again. “I didn’t realize I was supposed to enjoy walking you home. I’ll remember that next time.”

Next time?

You narrow your eyes and stare directly at him, noticing the way he mirrors your expression. It’s subtle at first, the way the crinkles of his eyes sort of deepen to match the lines across his forehead. His skin is rough —aged looking most likely due to the fact he probably slept terribly— and the bags beneath his eyes are the heaviest you’ve ever seen, even rivalling Peter’s on some of his rougher days. Like you, he looks more like a corpse than a person, his face devoid of anything other than the sickened frustration of having to deal with your attitude.

“I’m gonna be honest if you’re ever running late again, please call someone else.”

It’s obvious you’re talking to Peter but as you speak you continue staring at the man in front of you, glaring at the way his weight shifts beneath your gaze.

You hope he’s uncomfortable. You hope he’s embarrassed or at least feeling a little self-conscious for acting like such a child in a space that he hopefully never feels welcome in. If you were him you’d certainly be.

“Yeah, so, anyway, is that still a no to breakfast or…?”

You’re beginning to regret ever wanting to get involved in Peter’s double life. Or at least, its most recent developments. Up until last month, everything was fine. Simple and controlled and not at all hectic like it is now. Back then, everything was smooth sailing when it came to helping. Your only responsibilities being lie to May and make sure the window was always unlocked before you went to bed. Two very mundane tasks you could practically do in your sleep.

Nowadays, it feels like an endless loop of stress. Kind of like when you were eighteen and just finding out that your brother was a superhero for the first time. Everything is complicated again. The stakes feel higher than ever before knowing the truth that there’s a world out there just like yours, endlessly repeating. That instead of just one Spider-Man there’s probably a million variations doing the same thing Peter’s doing.

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you look at everything differently —intensively. With each new person you pass you wonder what their version is like somewhere else. Are they still male or female? Are they younger? Older?

As you walk into brunch alongside Peter and MJ, it’s all you can think about as you stare at Gwen, remembering her counterpart. How she looked so familiar but you couldn’t quite place it.

You realize now that it’s because she’s your Gwen, but not. A direct copy but a good decade younger. They have the same hair colour and eyes and that little gap between their front teeth and upon seeing her it makes you wearily shift into your seat, putting on your fakest smile.

She’s already a bit tipsy when you arrive, you can tell. Her eyes are half closed and the grin plastered across her face is hazardously wide.

“Oh, my god, hi! I’m so glad you came!”

If it weren’t for the table between you she’d be pulling you in for a hug, tightening her grip around your shoulders until the air inside you was gone. You inhale nervously at the thought, wondering if other Gwen would do the same.

It’s hard to tell what traits transfer over. Considering she’s a spider person in her universe it’s more than likely she’s completely different, right? Perhaps relating more to Peter. It’d make sense that all spider people kind of have the same vibe. Perhaps like your brother, they’re nerdy and into photography and have partners with nicknames that double as their initials. Like him they'd live double lives, trying their best to find the balance between being crime-fighting arachnids and regular civilians with the help of their sisters.

Or brothers. You figure in other universes you’re probably a guy too. Hell, maybe even in some you're the spider person having to navigate through life with the help of your brother.

“Sorry we’re late,” Pete grins, pulling out the chair beside you so that MJ can sit down. “Somebody had a bit too much to drink.”

You shoot him a look as he sits at the head of the table, sticking out his tongue for good measure.

You hope in the universe where you have superpowers you give him a hard time.

“It’s fine, we overdid it too,” Gwen says, looking at Harry who rolls his eyes and looks at Peter, the two of them sharing a knowing glance.

“Hope you wore a condom,” you say, at which MJ and Gwen gasp, both of their mouths curling into cheeky grins that you can’t help but share.

Its always been obvious that the two of them are together, even though neither of them would ever admit it. It’s weird but Gwen says it’s a part of the intrigue, having this unlabeled relationship that she can just ride without the responsibility of making it a bit deal.

Both you and MJ think it’s because she secretly likes the drama of it all, but knowing how she’d react to such a claim, neither of you says that out loud.

“Did you make it home okay?” Gwen changes the subject before anyone can even join in, making you sort of sad because you love to tease.

“Relatively. Threw up on the walk home but that’s New York, baby.”

“Walk home?” Harry questions.

You freeze, remembering Miguel. He doesn’t exist in this world. At least, not to anyone other than you and Pete and maybe MJ. You’re not entirely sure what he’s told her but you figure she knows in some capacity because he wouldn’t have called you otherwise.

“I mean drive, sorry, drive home. I’m still hungover.” You try to laugh it off but Harry and Gwen share that look. The familiar one where they think you’re lying but know better than to actually bring it up. It’s the same look they give you sometimes when you’re covering for Peter and you hate it, feeling your chest tighten every time it’s shared right in front of your face.

It reminds you of how you felt having Miguel around. Something about the way he looks at you every time you talk fills you with that familiar twang of insignificance. Like whatever you say isn’t good enough.

With your friends you know it’s because you’re insecure about your lying capabilities. With Miguel though, it’s different. Yes, it feels the same physically but emotionally it’s an entirely new set of feelings. Ones that have you second-guessing their origins, remembering the way your stomach would twist each time he’d insult you. Each time he’d look at you with those dark eyes and pouting mouth.

Thinking about it now, he reminds you very little of Peter. Aside from the moniker of Spider-Man the only similarities (so far) you can confidently say that they share is the art of sarcasm and deflection. The way their voices can become so monotonous at the drop of a hat is unparalleled, even with all the tension, and it’s frustrating.

It makes you wish you didn’t wear your emotions on your sleeve. Like Peter and Miguel, you wish you could box it all up in the form of calm words so that nobody even got the chance to look at you the way Harry and Gwen still are.

Secretly, you wish you were the spider person of this universe. Not because you want to save lives, selfishly. No, you mostly just wish you were stronger like them. Less like yourself and more like your brother who sits at the head of the table holding MJ’s hand with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen.

And not so secretly, you want what he has. You want to be confident and to have people look at you in a way that’s filled with adoration. To have them survey you and conclude that you’re decent rather than picking out your flaws. You want May to look at you with fondness. You want her to be proud of you in the same way she’s proud of Peter and to affirm your belief that you’re doing alright for yourself even without filling her desires for grandkids.

You want Harry to look at you with respect. To stop looking through you just because you’re Parker’s sister who just so happens to be smart too. You want him to take him as seriously as he takes Gwen without the sex. Without the implication that to be valued, you need to provide him with something worthwhile.

You want Gwen to appreciate everything you do for her. To stop taking advantage of you at work and in life —to provide you with the comfort of an actual friend.

You want value, you decide. Whether that’s through the gain of superpowers or not. All you want is a little bit more than you’re given and you wish you could express that as you sit at the table, watching everyone talk and laugh as if you’re not really there.

Beside you, MJ leans into Peter as he talks, resting her chin on her hand in longing silence while the two across the table sit, completely engrossed. You try your best to listen in too, picking up that the story involves his boss over at the Bugle. Something about how his last few pictures of Spider-Man were so good he nearly fell off his chair.

You fight the urge to roll your eyes and pull out your phone, scanning the screen mindlessly, clicking on apps and profiles over and over again until the waitress shows up and asks for your order. You get a mimosa regardless of your hangover and a bagel breakfast sandwich with all the extra fixings, knowing you need it. Then you wait. Wordlessly exhausted, wishing that instead of deciding to tag along you’d stayed at home under the comfort of your covers.

Once you step over the threshold of your apartment you let out a sigh of relief and sink into the couch alongside Peter who rubs his face. By now your social battery is running at a negative ten, making your mind fill with nervous thoughts that have you frowning as you curl into yourself, clutching your knees to your chest.

You shouldn’t have gone, you decide then. Regardless of the extended invitation, it was obvious you were only invited because Gwen was drunk and felt bad. That’s usually how it went nowadays.

“They’re a lot, aren’t they?”

Peter’s always known how much you struggle with people —how you overthink every interaction after it’s happened. It’s how it’s always been and he’s used to it.

As you nod, you feel his hand against your shoulder, tightening. It’s a gesture of understanding but at the moment it feels like pity so you brush him off, frowning even harder.

“You okay?”

You aren’t. You’re overstimulated from the amount of interacting you’ve done in the last twenty-four hours. From Harry and Gwen to Miguel and back you haven’t had a break all day and you can feel your mask slipping. Physically, your chest is aching for a breath you can’t quite get, the realization of your interactions pushing you over the edge and all you want to do is scream.

You were such an asshole today. Sure, you’re always kind of mean but this morning specifically felt like a step above the rest with the way you argued with Miguel as if you knew him. As if last night was just another night between you, adding to countless others. You were brash and unwelcoming and rude, and despite how you feel about him sometimes, you still feel pretty shit about it.

“Do you need anything?”

“No.”

Your tone is stubborn, dripping with an arrogance that has Pete sighing because he knows he can’t do much. When you’re in these moods all he can really do is let you live through your anger —to explore the hate you feel inside in private. It’s how you’ve always done things. So when Peter looks at you with sympathy you can know that’s it. He won’t press the matter further. He’ll just get up and leave and go to MJ’s for the night. Check-in in the morning like he usually does.

As he stands you’re met with feelings of both relief and regret, watching the way he carefully pats your head and steps over your legs. Inside, your stomach drops as he wanders to the doorway, slipping on his shoes and coat without saying a word, knowing that it never solves anything —just makes it all messy.

Again, like always, you wish you were like him in these instances. Because maybe then you could have a normal relationship that doesn’t rely on boundaries you wish didn’t exist. Instead of pushing everyone away you could sit with them —talk to them. Express instead of repress. Prove to them that the love you want is the love you deserve.

If you were in any other universe you’re certain you could do it. In this one though?

You’re too scared.

When you’re alone, it happens, the calm before the storm.

As the hours move and you lay exhausted on the couch staring at your phone, you find yourself scrolling. Distracting yourself from the inevitable breaking point by watching YouTube video after YouTube video. First, you start with your usual poison, simple documentaries about things like haunted houses or murder cases that remained unsolved. Lazily, you click thumbnail and thumbnail, half absorbing all the names and dates and details as you lie prone, trying not to think about it.

It takes hours for you to fully accept your emotions and when you do it’s a mess. Now lying in bed, it’s nearing eight and your deep dive on unsolved mysteries has turned into videos discussing the topics of the multiverse. You’re not sure why you decided to delve into all that but regardless, as you do you’re in your head again, clutching a pillow tightly against your cheek as you try to steady your thoughts.

You bet Miguel’s world has a version of you that’s nicer. One that treats him with respect. They’re probably a spider person too which is why he looks at you with such disdain every time you argue. You’re a lesser version of them —no comparison. They’re better and it drives you insane, thinking that the approval of a man you hardly know is important.

Aside from Peter, there’s absolutely nothing connecting you. You’re from different worlds both literally and figuratively, so it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.

Except that it does, doesn’t it? Deep down, regardless of how well you know one another, this man has managed to find his way inside your skin. You’re not sure when or how or why but somehow he’s always there, lingering at the back of your mind like a memory. Like he’s absent until he’s not —until something reminds you that he exists and that he thinks you’re too inexperienced to understand that he doesn’t like you.

You figure he doesn’t like you because you’re stubborn. You’re sure there are other reasons but that’s the only one that really jumps out. The way he speaks to you is a direct example of that. Changing subjects often, he doesn’t like when you push his pull. Doesn’t like when you defy his authority or pry. He wants complete and total control and when you’re around he knows he doesn’t have that. You don’t trust him enough to give it.

His version of you probably gives him whatever he wants. Probably spoils him by following him around like some lost fucking puppy. They’re probably older than you —experienced— and have the backbone of an earthworm.

He probably loves it.

Shoving your face into your pillow you let out a loud groan, letting the tears well and overflow against the fabric of your pillowcase.

It’s sudden, the storm. Erupting out of nowhere over something that shouldn’t matter. Quickly, there’s a rage that fills inside you, quietly creeping from the depths of your soul in the form of breathless gasps and shaky hands.

You turn upwards to face the ceiling, the tears coating your eyes in a layer of disarray. You can’t see anything but the blurred beige above you. Everything moves like brushstrokes across the canvas, thick and liquidy and not quite good-looking. It makes you blink in annoyance and throw your forearms over your head, trying to stop the world from letting you see or shake or feel anything other than regret.

It’s painful, the storm. It feels like a deep wound being opened back up again. All the build-up of scar tissue is there, shoved amongst the perfectly good parts. Usually, they linger there together but as the wound is peeled open by your own hand, you can feel the worst of it start to push.

As it surfaces, you can feel the catalyst begin to wake. The rate at which the chemicals in your brain begin to increase, pushing you over the edge.

It fucking hurts.

By now your wound is gaping, ripping at the base of your chest. It’s hard to breathe under all the pressure of the damaged flesh. Under all the memories of a life you once thought was good. Decent

In another universe, you hope to god you feel just like this. Like the world is caving in and you’re the last survivor. At least then you wouldn’t feel so alone —so beside yourself while everyone else so carelessly continues moving.

It helps calm the storm. Thinking of you —another you. Regardless of if they’re better or worse or completely equal to you, the thought of this feeling extending across the expanse of a place you don’t quite understand fills you with ease.

It closes the hole in your chest —pushes all the tainted flesh back inside for safekeeping. Slowly, it settles into something you can handle again, sewing up the edges that’ll inevitably leave a new scar.

As you sit up from your bed, brushing past the tears to clear your vision, you feel your breath begin to steady. A slow one-through-five inhale, followed by another one-through-five exhale, each one becoming stronger than the last as you look towards the window, noticing the familiar blue and red spandex standing silently on your fire escape.

He doesn’t move when you notice him. Doesn’t fly through the air or duck out of sight. Standing there, it’s as if instead of flesh he’s made of stone, unwavering in his attempts to watch you carefully through the window. It’s scary if you’re honest. The way he looks so detached from the world. Even without seeing his face, it’s as if there’s nothing behind the angered design that adorns his features below. His emotions feel completely blank underneath the fabric, making you wonder.

What’s he thinking about?

As you inch toward the edge of the bed, you see him twitch. It’s subtle. The fingers of his right hand sort of jolt lightly in the air, and it’s over before you can even think about it, so you don’t. Instead choosing to forget as you move towards the window.

Surprisingly, he still doesn’t move. All he does is breathe, letting the rise and fall of his chest ruin the image of his fixed stance. He’s nervous, like you, you determine. Scared, like you.

It motivates your movements, pushing you through the room until you’re standing in front of the window, reaching for it with shaky hands.

Why hasn’t he left yet?

You push open the window, slowly, watching his body begin to move towards it, his leg pushing through the moment you step away.

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t respond. At first, you assume it’s because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t know what to say but then he moves. Lifelessly, he brushes past you and wanders into the living room, forcing you to follow as he drops onto the couch with a groan.

Seriously, why is he here?

You open your mouth to repeat your previous question but are interrupted by his mask. Almost instantly, it disintegrates before your very eyes, revealing fresh injuries that have you holding your tongue because laying there, he looks like Peter after a rough night. Maybe even worse thanks to the shiner that takes a good portion of his left eye.

“Do you have any painkillers?”

You don’t even respond before you leave the room, wandering into your bathroom to grab the usual meds you give Peter. They’re prescription, originally given to you for period cramps, but they do wonders on a battered body.

When you reenter, Miguel’s face is scrunched in pain, struggling to find comfort. Because of this, you practically run to the kitchen, grabbing all the usual items: water, ice packs, scotch, carrying it all in one go.

“What’s the scotch for?”

You untuck a glass from the crook of your elbow and settle on the floor beside the couch, pouring it halfway to the top before downing it.

“None for me?”

You pour another one. “You’re not meant to take it with pills but Peter always says it makes him sleep better.”

“Okay.”

You’re no doctor, but you’ve experienced this same formula countless times. If he takes one pill with one full glass of water then drinks the scotch, followed by another water he’ll be out like a light in no time.

“Pill, water, scotch, water,” you instruct, watching him closely as he follows suit, chugging back everything in under a minute.

After it’s done he settles into the couch again, tucking ice packs against his face and chest before glancing your way with a grin. “Stuff’s nice. Goes down good.”

He sounds like he’s been hit by a bus, his voice rubbed raw, scratching your brain in a way that makes you squint as you pour yourself another glass.

“Good cause it cost a pretty penny.”

“Yeah?”

You nod, opting to sip this one, still feeling the burn of the other radiating throughout your chest. “Ben bought it for me. A graduation present or something.”

“Wasn’t that ages ago?”

“Your point?”

All he does is grin and close his eyes.

TAGGING: @fandxmslxt69 @buckysblondie @leucoratia @avatricu @rexxesgirl @hoe4fiction @erissco @dil3mma @ashjbu @mfrnchsk @sanjisluvbot @deputy-videogamer (if you'd like to be added fill out this form)

#who are you when nobody's watching?#miguel o'hara fan fic #miguel o'hara fic #miguel o'hara series #miguel o'hara x female reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara angst #summer writes

188 notes · View notes

i-like-rocks22 · 5 months

Text

I watched the Squid Game reality series so you don't have to.

1. It is just as grim and psychologically intense as the show. I went into it not knowing anything about the set up and expecting the format to have been changed to be less nightmarish; maybe the games would be fun versions, maybe smaller prizes would be available for individuals or teams, or different stages of the game would have different casts. Nope.

2. It isn't funny. It's overly dramatised (it's produced in the style of US reality shows so it really focuses on the worst in people). Something I didn't expect and was absolutely astounded to see is that the contestants have to fake being shot as a black inkpack on their chest explodes when they're eliminated. Some of them have a bit of fun doing an over dramatic fall to the ground. Most just sit down looking completely destroyed which, when you consider the format and the reasons people are there (severely in debt, can't retire, disabled children that need care) it's just absolutely vile.

(Honourable mention to the only funny bit of editing in the show: when the remaining 20 contestants get together in a circle to discuss the next task, the very American team captain gives a motivational pep talk consisting entirely of buzz words, then goes 'let's pray' and it immediately swaps to focus on the remaining Brits who look absolutely horrified (for those outside of the UK most Brits are either non-religious or very quietly religious and find overt showings of religion like group prayer really weird)).

3. Deeply uncomfortable by the editing and voiceover choices that repeatedly portrayed black people, particularly black women, as the 'villains'. It was very very noticeable. There was a particular interaction where a black woman was shown in a very negative light, and I am still unclear on what happened during the show (due to the choppy and unclear editing) and cagey responses from contestants in interviews after. VERY very strange, and has led to that black contestant receiving a lot of hate.

4. The amount of contestants breaking down emotionally through the show makes so much sense not only when you consider the conditions they were being kept in, but the sheer amount of bonus psychological fuckery that was included. Not just the main tasks but additional challenges, individual tasks, and public votes for eliminations. A lot of these happened at random in the dorm rooms meaning they had no true safe space in which to relax. The filming was evidently over at least a week and I can't imagine how emotionally exhausted they must have been. I hope the contestants would have been offered some therapy on leaving but I don't think that's likely.

5. The one shining light in the whole show was how, very differently to the original series, individuals started to work together much earlier and more thoroughly through the tasks. Lots of people offered support and words of kindness to those struggling and appeared to really bond. In the end, while a grim and unsatisfying watch, that was the one thing I took away.

I am perfectly happy to watch some trashy TV from time to time and I don't believe every thing you watch should necessarily be dissected for it's greater meaning. But, not surprisingly when considering the source material, this was so far beyond trashy; it was exploitative and depressing and I can't believe it actually got (excuse the pun) green lit.

TL:DR; the black mirror episode that would be based off of squid game? Yeah that was it.

#squid game #squid game the series #review #squid game 2023 #i have thoughts #who the fuck came up with this #genuinely felt so awful for a lot of the contestants #reality tv #black mirror #maybe the real Torment Nexus is the friends we made along the way #Torment Nexus #capitalism #have i said fuck capitalism?#because fuck capitalism

69 notes · View notes

tipsygnostalgy · 11 months

Text

On Grandpa/Jake Harley

you know shits about to be long as fuck when i add the keep reading line like four lines in lol

anyway anon all this is 4 u!! feel free to talk ab this by just tagging instead of rb i dont want 2k words to be posted over n over again

Grandpa Harley being some kind of pseudo-omnipotent deity figure who somehow figures out/guesses (my money's on guesses) extremely intricate details about the game and does everything he can to make things go right is something that we don't talk about enough. It's one of the only plans in Homestuck made that are orchestrated entirely by one person then ends up going right. It's that pattern of hoping that the cards fall into place in the right way (unless we're taking the Grandpa is practically God perspective, which is interesting in its own right)—but notably, he makes a lot of preparations beforehand. He's so... active. It fascinates me. I'll have to talk about this on the Jake English as Jesus Christ trope post (it's coming, I swear, brainrot's a bitch) but the sheer amount of things he does is astounding. But, lo and behold, he wasn't always like this. Cue: the Skaianet Systems Incorporated texts.

Quick note about all that. A very large portion of the things Hussie wrote for SSI is 1) dubiously canon, and 2) a bunch of anti-semitic bullshit that he probably never should have fucking released to the public, at least not like that. Like, holy shit, keep that and your weird comments about sexual slavery in your Notes app dude, we don't need to hear it. For this reason I suggest reading the actual material with extreme caution. Cool? Cool. On with it. Here's a lil' review of Jake Harley before the session.

Funny enough, Jake had always been kind of pathetic in the Beta session as well.

So Skaianet was actually established by HIC as a front for laundering technology from Alternia and Sburbian ruins. The key of SN was not to actually develop tech, but make it look like it so that people will believe you when your company just re-defined gravity for the hundredth time. Jake has to play the "famous genius shtick," but he doesn't do so well. When he fully inherits SN at 21 he runs it hands-on, and "believes" his success is due to hard work and diligence. He also "believes SN is now a considerably more distinct entity from Crocker Corp, and his leadership of the company is a result of his hard work and competence. Neither is true." He's manipulated by his at-the-time boyfriend (Charlie Chaplin, somehow) into letting a rebel force into the Crocker manor, though the effort is ultimately thwarted by HIC.

He also has a disastrous love life. His relationship at sixteen with Chaplin consists of Chaplin finding him "obnoxious and thoughtless" though he "can't seem to quit him," and Jake ultimately "[toys] with his heart, and [abandons] him." This later (much later, think decades) manifests into something way worse when Chaplin appears in an outing Jake has with one of his families (he's had many, though not at once) and tries to kill Jake for not just his involvement with SN/HIC, but for breaking his heart as well. Notably, in this scene, upon having a gun aimed at him Jake reflexively hides behind his wife, who ends up being shot in his stead. He's out-strifed so badly that he'd have died in the jungle (oh yeah he takes his wife and 5yo son to a jungle btw) if Chaplin didn't have a divine intervention moment afterwards.

At 32 he also abandons his post at SN for fucking around Europe. "[H]e's out exploring and adventuring, completely oblivious to whatever's going on in Europe. He hops from site to site, looking for Sburbian ruins to plunder." One, the "whatever's going on" is WW2, again, somehow. Two, he has a daughter there that he "takes custody of, apprentices as an adventurer, and takes all over the place on his adventures." When he takes her to Hawaii she ditches him because she's sick of her "douchebag dad." And there's that Jude family too, obviously.

Oh, and all the Beta guardians are also meteor babies. It's how Jake ends up finding Dirk and Roxy to begin with—he sets them up with trust funds in Texas and New York so that they can be of use to SN later, though whether he knew their importance in the larger context of SBURB is unclear.

All caught up? Great.

The exact details of how every event goes down aren't as important as the lessons you can draw from it, namely: Jake Harley is an absolute fucking mess of a human being. He continuously creates families—notice how he keeps having children with his wive—then is bereaved of them. A few times he abandons them, a few times they abandon him, and sometimes they get killed by your ex-boyfriend. It's a neat little insight into just how neck-deep these commitment issues lie, but it's also fun to consider that he seeks it so desperately. This man has on record has had:

one wife be shot dead in front of him

a son who was technically kidnapped from him by the man who almost beat him to death (his ex-boyfriend)

a daughter ditch him in the middle of hawaii for being a shitty dad

a daughter (joey claire) be teleported by portal to alternia, who hated jake so much she took her dead mom's last name

said dead mom/wife whom upon her death leaves her children "Semi Orphans" because he just straight up ditches his kids to go work on hellmurder island

probably more

And he still considers himself a grandfather to Jade. TBF, I guess the easier way of explaining it is that it's simply the natural explanation—they are sort of related after all. But considering that he once sired an illegitimate daughter and not only took her into custody but tried to raise her as his liege, I still find it the fact that he tries over and over again to the point of rending the family meaningless interesting. I think it's viable that Jake wanted a family—not one where he and Jane were raised by HIC and poorly—but a real one. His attempt to raise that first daughter to mirror his habits reflects the way HIC raised Beta Jane to mirror her. Yet after relationship after relationship goes horribly wrong, this desire fades into a kind of apathetic unsureness to the point where this is what he says about his last "full" family, the Harley-Claires:

He's been making good headway on his quest for the mysterious island in the pacific. Once everything is taken care of here, he'll leave this family behind and set up shop on that island permanently. That's when the real work begins. The discoveries on that island will finally unite him with the destiny he's been in search of his whole life.

Two things of note. One, his first recorded instance of permanently setting up jackshit anywhere is at first with SkaiaNet then at Hellmurder island. Both locations share that theme of "destiny" in common—notice how he considers SN divorced from Crockercorp because of his efforts and tries to make the place overall less HIC-controlled, but ultimately fails. And sure, he later achieves this kind of destiny by having his Sburb plan go "right" but before this not a single "plan" he established went correctly. Jake in either timeline isn't a guy who regularly makes plans for multiple efforts—they zero in on one goal that appears as part of their calling and makes it happen, damn it. To him, that's a success. Whether he "actually does" is up for interpretation.

See, HIC actually wanted the Beta kids to play the game. She'd been using the Beta session as a "testing" timeline, knowing which events and people to avoid and keep in mind so that she can play everything out exactly the way she wants it to. Part of the reason why Crockertier Jane was so firmly for marrying Jake and having children was because that had been HIC's idea of what Beta Jake's purpose was once he landed on a Meteor (after B!Jane). So he saw the "big picture" in a bigger way than quite literally anyone else, but it still isn't enough, at least not in the way he thought it might be at first.

Prior to his discoveries on the island, Jake has no idea this will result in some kids using the software he's unearthing, which will destroy all life on Earth. Nor does he have any idea that those kids will be using this same software to reboot the universe with different starting conditions, thus ending this "trial run" timeline for HIC, and giving her a fresh start. Exactly as she planned.

This implies there is some moment that Grandpa Harley realized that everything he was doing would end up playing into the HIC's hands anyway. This also implies that he carried out those actions regardless, Hoping that Jade would someday win the game in the process. Are you seeing the parallel for my interpretation of Ult. Jake yet? Fuck.

What was the moment he realized? Did he power through anyway, hoping there was a bright light for Jade at the end of this all?

He's also a hoarder. He keeps items and objects instead of people. He hangs onto the past to the point where he's seemingly unable to let go of it—trophies, guns, artifacts—but throughout the entire Harley Manor there is not a single picture of his families. And that's where his dolls come in—dolls are just human enough but not too human, you can control them however you'd like yet delude yourself they are company. I'm not saying all doll-enjoyers are this way, but the specifics in which Grandpa (and Bro to an extent, for that matter) interacts with his dolls makes me believe he's turning them into pseudo-human entities because at the end of the day he again craves company. But, unlike Jake, Grandpa Harley's had a lifetime of experience reinforcing over and over again that this will never happen with a real person. And fuck, don't even get me started on the taxidermy—it's the very act of taking something, bereaving it of life and subjectivity, then keeping it for yourself. You can see how this has even affected Jade in the sense that she thinks about her taxidermied dead Grandpa (who she taxidermied himself, by the way) like a living, breathing person. And Jadebot? A robotic, perfect replica of his granddaughter, designed to monitor her at all times instead of him? And the parallels that has to Brobot. Ughghgh.

Also, quick digression. You know how Beta Dad & Mom were on the Battlefield? And how Grandpa landed just to recover Jade's dead dream body, then left Dad and Mom behind. Sorry, I'm just not normal about that at all. How did we collectively miss the sheer tragedy of that situation, God, I wonder what Roxy was thinking. Digression over.

All in all, what these files tell me is that the way Jake was written was no way accidental. Yeah he got fucked over in the Alpha session, yeah he's tragic, but he's tragic for a reason that I ultimately appreciate even as I clutch my heart and dramatically fall over from pain. He knows just enough about the meta-reality to cause feelings of absurdity but powers through it; he's supposed to be put in seemingly insurmountable situations and emerge, through one way or the other, victorious. He's supposed to have the strangest relationship known to man regarding other people and, as a result, try to find compromise between the two halves of "complete fuck-all isolation" and "the company of any developed adult human ever." He's goal-oriented only when it presents a clear-cut destiny to him, when he can see the significance of it, and otherwise floats around doing fuck-all in this world. This goal is, most of the time, people: Dirk for LE Jake, and Jade for Harley. It's also fun insight into where Jake could potentially end up going—as this post by Cooper already pointed out, Ult. Dirk's actions mirror Bro's need to micromanage and control everything in his life to the point where he, much alike Bro, secludes himself in an apartment while running his inner machinations unknown to most others. I wouldn't be surprised if Jake ends up in a similar way to Grandpa, giving his all to a dreary situation and maintaining Hope through it with the desire that it'll eventually succeed.

It would also be fun if his Hopes only came true after his death.

Alright, analysis over, everyone clock out. Good work, people. [Vaguely gestures to the reader.]

#tgtakes #jake english #grandpa harley #homestuck #ultimate jake #ask

33 notes · View notes

lumine-no-hikari · 2 months

Text

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #79

It's very late here, so today's letter will likely be shorter than normal. But even though I'm very tired, I still wanted to make sure you knew that someone out here is thinking good things about you and wishing for nice things upon you.

My mind is still fairly empty today. I feel pretty tired for a variety of reasons. Some of it is the simple fact that we are going through the second part of your story, and I'm VERY worried about how things might turn out for you; I really don't want to see you get hurt, but at the same time, if you don't stop making choices that harm others, you will need to be stopped. And that's unfortunate, because I would much rather see you turn yourself around and try to become strong in the real way, instead of parroting the definition of it that was taught to you by people who didn't care about you.

The bulk of my reasons for being tired, though, is other stuff going on in my world that I can do absolutely nothing about. And a small amount of it is still me trying to recover from our long trip, and some of it is the recent changes in the social dynamics of my immediate circle. Maybe I'll try not to worry about it. Maybe instead I'll show you the most recent cups of tea I made, since… y'know… I can't actually pour any for you, much to my immense dismay.

…To give you the pictures of the tea at its most beautiful and interesting is the best I can do. And the fact that it is the best I can do is… sad, really. I'm sorry.

I had intended to go to the grocery today to get the supplies to make stuffed cabbage casserole; I was sent a beautiful-looking recipe by an awesome human being from the internet, and I wanted to give it a try. But my energy was very low today. Br offered to be a body double, and she visited, and it was wonderful. We talked a lot about various things, but I still didn't have the energy to go out before going to see R, and for various reasons, I think neither did she. I'm glad we decided to spend time at home though; it was peaceful.

Br went with J and I to go see R today though, and it was a good time. We stopped somewhere to pick up a couple of snacks, and we did some catching up with R. R is an astounding baker; I wish that you could try the things that he creates. He made bonbons for us, and peanut-butter-banana bars with chocolate chips and walnuts, and they were absolutely wonderful. And we also went out to a Thai place for food. I can't help but wonder if your world has some equivalent of Thai food somewhere. I'll show you what we got:

Have you ever had crab rangoon? Pork belly? Rice pudding? Pad Thai? Did you like them? I wonder what you think. I wonder what you think about a lot of things, actually…

There's so much I wish I could show to you. There's so much I wish I could give to you. So many things I wish you could do and see and try. I wish that you could see the world through my eyes for just a moment… just for a moment. And then maybe you'd see that although the world is broken and has a lot of pain and a lot of problems, it's still not so bad. It's really not so bad. Not everyone is mean like the people you met. And even though a lot of things might seem really weird right now, it's never hopeless. There are good things everywhere, if only you have the courage and strength to look around hard enough.

It's for this reason that I hope you'll try to become strong in the real way. Please try. Please try so that you can come back home to us. We miss you.

I'm exhausted, so I'm going to stop writing here, because if I don't, I'm going to ramble even more than I have already.

Hey, Sephiroth? Don't forget that there are people who love you out here. People who don't care about your status, fame, or whatever else, but rather… people who will make you a new locket if you lose your old one. People who will make you pumpkin soup if you're sad about missing out. People who will make you things like garlic bread and pasta. People who will make you little trinkets like music boxes and trees made of gems and songs made only of human voices. People who will write you letters just to try to show you that you're cared for. I can't be the only one out here who is like me… if only because you are a little bit like me, and you exist, even if it's only in an abstract way.

…Is any of what I can do enough though, I wonder? Enough to reach you? Enough to move you? If you don't turn around… will it be because I didn't try hard enough…?

…Maybe these questions are ridiculous. Maybe I really am just tired. There's so much that I don't know… and sometimes that scares me.

I can't wish you were here in good conscience, because things where I am are looking pretty bleak sometimes. But I can instead wish that you could be somewhere safe, wholesome, and happy.

I'll write again. Though I'm not sure what about.

Your friend, Lumine

4 notes · View notes

aqua-loves-writing · 3 months

Text

The end of chapter 3 is here!

Hearing that, Alice felt as if someone was grabbing her by the neck, choking her until her very last breath. Lady Scarletborn next to her, barely an inch away from her face, had a large smile on her face, overwhelming her to the point where her hands began to shake. She clenched them, breathing through her nose quietly.

“What do you mean by that?” she stepped back. “What I think of her?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I just asked,” she crossed her arms, tilting her head in confusion “Can’t people make small talk anymore? You’re being really rude, you know!”

“I,” she struggled, unable to see a way to get out of this, “Well, she’s just another brat. I don’t see any reason why we’ve kept her here for so long. Letting her go already wouldn’t change anything.

“... Really?”

“Y-yes!”

The lady looked back at the dragon, still trying to break its way out, “Can’t say I disagree with you there. I would have gone through it differently myself, but we are after following the orders given by the emperor. So, what can you do?”

Alice was confused. “The emperor decided this?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to know. When the council got the report that she appeared in front of the prison unconscious. While the council suggested bringing her over to us, he decided that General Benedict and his guard should watch over her for an indefinite amount of time.

“I see.”

This doesn’t make any sense. Rue brought me there. Why? And why was I separated from mom? There’s something missing, but what? Maybe… hope this doesn't cause any suspicions.

“That’s all very confusing. Was she really brought here all alone?”

“Well, except for a letter signed anonymously, there was none else but her unconscious body covered in snow, although…”

“Hisss!”

Before she was able to finish, the dragon growled. Several steps were overheard by the entrance. The two women stood still as they watched several guards enter the place, and an elderly man wearing silver armor and a cape made of bright red fur, looking at them with a stern expression.

“Ah, General Benedict,” she bowed down, “We have been waiting for you!”

“My lady, where have you been? I told you to stay with the knight of-”

“Oh, don’t worry, he’s fine. I just needed to be sure that everything was well and ready before the ceremony started! I brought this young sir to watch over me, so I was in safe hands!”

“Graham? This is where you have been?”

“O-f course! Where did you think I was? Locked in a cell snoring through the entire day? Heh…”

They were all quiet to this attempt at a joke.

“Well, whatever the case. Soldier, don’t do tasks like this unprompted without permission from higher officials. As for this…”

They all look at the dragon, clenching it's teeth upon seeing the elderly man.

"Sir, I am astounded," Lady Scarletborn said, "That you have captured an actual dragon."

"It's still unbelievable. I couldn't believe it my eyes when I first saw it. I wish I was like the general." the guards gossiped amongst themselves.

"Oh please, it's just another military pet, nothing jaw dropping. He'll be back in that cage when we're finished with this. So don't pay it much attention."

I can't believe I've never seen it before for all the years I've been here. And all these guys knew about it too??? Since when was it here? And for how long...is it going to stay here?

The more he steps closer, the more enraged the dragon gets. It tried to shout through its tied down mouth, clawing through the sharp bars. Just as the elderly men appeared right in front of the cell, it had jump out, trying to claw through the man's face. Everyone else flinched, but he stood still.

“Oh, calm down, you pest,” he pulled out a small bottle, a gray substance inside it, “You should have gotten used to this already!”

As he opened it, a weird aroma began flowing through the air. Despite having no sort of smell to the people inside this large room, the same could not be said for the dragon. One sniff alone caused the small creature to change. Its eyes were half open as he suddenly dropped to the ground, almost fainting.

“That should be enough,” he opened the cell, immediately putting the leash on this now exhausted being.

“Good boy,” the general dragged it outside, “With this, we should now be able to start the ceremony! You may call upon the young lad Lady Scarletborn.”

“Of course, sir,” Lady Scarletborn clapped her hands, a cheery smile just like before, “I shall tell him to get ready fast! See you all there!”

“Good, soldiers! Come with me! We already wasted enough time as is with that one man, so get to it.”

“Yes sir!”

“...”

“All of you,” he looks at Alice in disguise, stunned by what she had just saw.

“Of course, sir” Alice followed along, her eyes unable to look away from the dragon as she felt like puking.

***

They arrive inside a large and elegant ballroom. The difference between it and the rest of the prison was so stark, it almost felt they entered a completely new place. The walls were covered in gold, windows showing off the shining sun and tall trees, were covered in all sorts of jewels. Despite the place’s grandeur, Alice, standing alongside other guards, only looked at the small now husk of a dragon.

“Stopping messing with me, pet!”

The general’s shout echoed through the entire room as he carried a wooden torch in his hand.

“Have you become deaf?” he pulled the leash so tightly the dragon whined, “Shoot out your flames this instant!”

The dragon, squeamish in his steps, split out the smallest of sparks, leading the torch to begin burning

“Finally, it wasn't so hard, was it?”

He proceeded to kick the dragon’s in its stomach, wincing without and strength to fight back.

Seeing all of that, Alice tightly gripped her own arms to restrain herself.

That guy… what’s wrong with him? It did just as you asked him to do and you still treat him like that! No, Alice, calm down. You can’t disclose your disguise at this moment. Be patient. Just wait till the ceremony ends, find Mister Miroslav and then… I’ll deal with him.

“Not that this is done with,” the general appeared before a group of maids, their pure white clothes covering everything other than their faces, “Spread this.”

The maids with torches in their hands all picked off the first’s flames, spreading across the walls of the room, holding the torches tightly against their chest

“Now,” he pointed out his sword towards his hive mind of guards, “It shall begin!”

One of the guards pulled out a trumpet, as they all began forming two straight rows in front of the golden entrance. Slowly opening, Lady Scarletborn reappeared, her hair now tied in a bun.

“It is my pleasure to announce that the time of the sunblaze ceremony has arrived,” she reached her hands to the sky, “And now, without further ado, come on in, Knight of Miracles!”

#my writing #reflame #reflame updates #rebellious flame #chapter 3 #writeblr #writing community #creative writing #fiction #am writing #original fiction #writers on tumblr #writers corner #web novel #tapas novel #novel #book #fantasy

2 notes · View notes

minuy600 · 5 months

Text

Atari 2600 Chronicles 1980 #2 - Space Invaders

The other big March 1980 release was also one of the first ever arcade ports not by the console manufacturer. Well, it's made by Atari, but the OG is definitely a Taito property. And it so happens that this, to me, is even more of an evergreen game than the arcade cabinet.

Not audiovisually, of course. I think this is one of the better looking 2600 titles so far, a remarkable step forward for the system- yet it's a very obvious downgrade with ugly bars in many places and weird, big aliens. Sound-wise, it gets the point across too, but faithful it isn't.

No, where this game absolutely hits it out of the park is how the game feels. It feels GREAT. Using my laser is really snappy, with the responsiveness of the traditionally stiff CX40+ joystick allowing me to react on time to most things that are happening on the screen. Makes it all the more enjoyable to someone like me, since i'm not the best at responding quickly normally speaking.

Another thing that helps me out is the lower difficulty of the default mode. Some may scoff at the somewhat slow enemy fire and the fact that you max out the toughness at the 5th wave, but you can still try to overflow the score afterwards if you need to get that gamer sweat:tm: going. ...And then do it 15 more times.

Yeeeeah, there's 112 modes in this game. Actually, make that 224- you can also double your shooter's size and make it even more tough for yourself and a friend. If you're alone though, only 16 (or 32 if you count for the aforementioned) are available. Still! That's crazy! I could only max out the difficulty on the first 3 of those, i'm determined to get the grasp of the other major ones at some point too. Astounding replayability, the best of any 2600 game so far by a long shot.

This is a must-own for any self respecting owner of the system. It's a revolution that holds it's own alongside it's big bro. It was the first home video game to crack a million sales and quadrupled(!) those of the 2600 as a whole. Beat that, Pac-Man! (Oh, it did...)

The Verdict

Graphics (7): A fairly close approximation of the arcade version. The sprites were more bulky at the time, so they could only fit 36 invaders on the screen. That's well and good, as are the new designs for them, they have their charm. Shame the enviorments are kinda messy. They had to pin down the borders of where you could move your ship, those are of differing colors too. The attract screen has lines on the side, those affect the scoring at the top as well. None of this is a deal breaker, but the lack of polish does shine through in that specific area.

Sound (7): Hits a bit better, though it still lacks some of the charm. The best attempted recreation is that the stepping nois (*not* the 4 note tune like before) speeds up dramatically over time and becomes a wonky, enjoyably silly drill when you're nearly finished. It does sucessfully up the intensity, though it is a bit loud and can get annoying in extended play sessions. The other sound effects are much the same, nice and raw but can get headache-inducing over time.

Fun Factor (9): Ohoho, what a delight this game is. I already explained most of why I really love to play it, so i'll keep it brief. If you are a Space Invaders beginner, this game is nice cuz the default mode is a bit more tame. If you're experienced, flip the switch and badabing, a new challenge awaits. All with perfect controls. It's even got a cheat for the default mode; turn the console on with the reset button pressed and you got two shots to fire at once rather than the single one like the original. That's my one complaint, I wish that would've worked with the other modes so I could feasibly see the 5th stage of the 5 individual gimmicks. Otherwise, this is early arcade perfection.

Longevity (10): Yep. 16/32 modes is MORE than enough to keep you occupied for weeks, if not months. And this is without talking about the ridiculous amount of multiplayer options. Annoying I can't try those, but the singleplayer offerings more than make up for it. I 'beat' the default mode, the one with moving shields and wiggly lasers seperately- the invisible Invaders and especially the fast lasers have me stumped with a smile on my face. Combining them only makes it worse. Try seeing the peak of mode 16 if you dare!

In Conclusion

#retro gaming #minuy600 #review #sona #atari 2600 #1980 #taito #atari #space invaders #minuy's must haves

5 notes · View notes

w2beastars · 1 year

Text

W2′s thought on “Bota Bota” AKA “Drip Drip” (part 3)

So... this manga has been fun.

And by “fun”, I mean “slightly disturbing in a way that I did not know.”

But we are getting closer to the end of this strange manga. And you won’t expect the ending at all, it’s pure Paru magic.

Again, adult themes will be mentioned, so read at your own risk.

Chapter 4 feels like the meekest chapter. I could have done without it. Not that it is necessarily bad, it just feels... meh... compared to the three first chapters.

Mako’s nose is bleeding once again in public due to accidentally getting mud of her clothes. And everyone is weirded out by it.

Except for this one guy:

The guy says he works for the Blue Cross and has seen enough blood to not be bothered. As a matter of fact, he thinks Mako’s blood is incredibly beautiful and thinks it is astounding how much she bled.

Before you ask, no. He is not a psychopath. Just quirky.

They talk about Mako’s problem with dirt. One thing leads to another...

And they go to the Blue Cross dude’s place to have sex. Like before, Mako is bleeding all over the place, but Blue Cross dude is not bothered at all. Mako feels like she has finally found the man she can not only have sex with but also love as he is kind and not bothered by her little problem.

But this was not meant to be. See the BC guy tells her that he can relate to feeling lonely and as an outsider as he has a quirk of his own:

Yeah, the dude is not capable of feeling love.

He is not an asshole or anything, he is just numb to loving people in a romantic sense, even tried going to a therapist but eventually gave up as he felt like he could have a good enough life even if he doesn’t have interest in people in a romantic sense. And he very much enjoys sex.

Mako’s joy is replaced with utter disappointment. She finally found someone she could have sex with while bleeding like crazy. But it’s only half of what she was looking for. She tells him that she is in love with him, but he stops her from making it worse. He is gentleman enough to make it clear that he can’t give her what she wants and that he is terribly sorry for hurting her feeling with the naked truth.

I think it is important to note that he is sorry if the truth hurts her, not that he might have hurt her. He haven’t done anything wrong, he has been completely honest with her before they actually got started on having sex.

Mako then goes to her favorite restaurant called the House of Liver. The place specializes in dishes with liver as the name implies, so a good place to eat once you have lost a ridicules amount of blood and is low on iron. Mako is also drowning her sadness in beer as this failure feels much more devastating for her than prior failed hookups where she brushed it off, remaining optimistic. But time if feels like it was her last chance. The one man she could have sex with without being bothered by her dirt “allergy.”

But then, the knight in shining armor appears in chapter 5.

This is Ryunosuke Tokuma. He runs the House of Liver and has noticed Mako for some time since she is his most frequent customer, even gave her some spinach on the house since only getting iron from liver is not exactly the best idea. But once she starts bleeding like crazy due to two shitheads bothering her with wanting a selfie of her bleeding(she has become an urban legend after bleeding enough in public), Tokuma realizes that he knows her from when he was a kid.

He goes to Mako and tells her that he recalls her from school. He tells her that he has always been impressed by how hard she fought to do something about her condition.

In chapter 6, we finally get some more info about Mako’s mom, the person who is a key player to her body reacting in such an extreme manner when near filth and “filth.”

See, when Mako was five, her mother became obsessed with cleaning the house after she found condoms in her husband’s work binder. She realized that it meant that he was cheating on her, so she decided to clean the house in order to remove every single dirty trace of her bastard husband. And then she did it again.

And again.

Cleanliness became a religion in their house. And shortly after her mother getting her cleanliness obsession, Mako developed her nosebleed when near filth of any sort.

Mako tells Tokuma about her upbringing and about her cheating father and how his adultery affected her poor mother. She is surprised by how open she is to Tokuma as she has never revealed this to anyone before, which means she must feel exceptionally calm around him.

But then Tokuma does something that makes her world crumble around her:

He holds her hand. And her nose is not bleeding. Hell, she can’t even smell the faint sent of blood that warns her that a nosebleed is on it’s way. She is baffled, possibly panicking as she asks Tokuma if he has bathed recently or if had sex with at least a couple of girls, looking for a reason to why he should be dirty.

Tokuma asks if it is possible that she wants to have a nosebleed, that she is deliberately trying to find a reason to why he is dirty.

She tries kissing him since that normally is sure to trigger her nosebleed, but still nothing. She is so frightened by the lack of reaction...

AND HAMMERS HER NOSE ON A STONE STATUE!

You know, to force a nose bleed.

This is the moment where Mako realizes that the idea of possibly finding her soul mate, the “clean” guy she is actually allowed to have sex with, is downright horrifying. And “losing” her nosebleed is uncomfortable since it has always been a warning system. Despite her annoyance of the nosebleed, it has always also been reassuring to have a shit-head detector.

Sheeesh. Some people are impossible to make happy, am I right?

Joking, I can get why she is confused.

Tokuma is persistent in telling her that he is not dirty and that he loves her. He even claims that the reason to why she is not bleeding is that he really IS the one, that there is nothing wrong.

They then have sex. Mako is baffled by losing her virginity without spilling any blood. Well, her nose starts bleeding when they have breakfast, but she brush it off as a minor delayed reaction, something Tokuma agrees on is most likely the case.

And just like that, “Drip Drip” has a happy ending.

I’m Waezi2 and thanks for wasting time with me.

Yeah, no. Sorry. I’m kidding. It’s far from over.

This feels like way to good to be true, right? Because it is. The thing about a knight in shining armor is that he can hide all sorts of nastiness under said armor.

Tokuma is a player. He has had several girlfriends. When he met Mako he already have three active girlfriends, each of them for a different sort of need. Like a rich lady that he talks into giving him cash since he also has a drinking and gambling problem. Another he has since she has low confidence and he can push her around and then one who makes him meals.

Not scummy enough to be a total bastard? Well, guess what? Tokuma beats up some of his girlfriends when his charm is not enough.

Tokuma is a master predator when it comes to women. That’s how he knows how to make Mako relax around him and so her nose won’t shoot out blood till much later. He can’t stop the reaction that warns Mako that he is no good but he can give her a false sense of security so he can trick her.

And it works so well that when Mako’s nose can sniff that he has just been with his other girls, he can guilt trip her with not trusting him so she will ignore her nose’s warnings. Her nosebleeds are almost back to normal after dating Tokuma for some months, but she is under his spell.

And he manage to mansplain her so much that she will marry him despite her nose’s constant warnings. See, Tokuma knows that he is not getting any younger, so his bullshit won’t last. Heck, some of his current girlfriends are getting wise on him and beating them won’t work well for long. So he decides that Mako should be the unlucky gal who should be stuck with him as husband.

Then, we reach chapter 8. The final chapter of “Drip Drip.” Tokuma has gotten money from his parents to pay for a modest wedding. Poor Mako is over the moon, a willing victim of this prick.

But as they get closer to the big day, Tokuma starts to feel guilty. He sees visions of blood splatter everywhere he goes. Its kind of like the Poe book “The Tell-Tale Heart.”

We reach the wedding day. It really looks like Tokuma is gonna pull off his greatest scam.

But the nose won’t let him.

Blood slowly runs from her nose and her white dress is turned into a dark-red one.

This is not just a nose-bleed. This is the nose bleed of all nose-bleeds. A giant puddle of blood is created around Mako. And fricking crows comes from afar as they can smell the blood.

Paru once again manage to surprise us with how insane she can make this already head-scratching manga!

And just like in the “The Tell-Tale Heart”, our slimy son of a bastard finally breaks.

He throws himself at her feet, confess all of his sins and begs for forgiveness while crawling on the dirty bloody floor.

And here comes the big surprise... Mako is overjoyed. She is happy and laughing.

Tokuma is completely baffled by this reaction. He once again asks for forgiveness and claims that he is in love with her. Mako, still looking like a kid at the day before summer vacation, joyfully tells him that she will never forgive him.

This whole affair made her realize that she shouldn’t be unhappy because of her nose. She should stop trying to find ways to stop it or settle for dick-bags like Tokuma. She should stop letting it bother her that she is 29 and still not married.

She knows that she will find true love eventually. Even if she has to bleed an ocean to go through all the douchebags till she finds her true soulmate.

She leaves the church and Tokuma behind, still laughing. But not before giving her good-for-nothing ex-fiancé one last request:

It’s surprisingly normal that society tells women that they shouldn’t be picky. That they should get a boyfriend or husband (or wife or girlfriend) while they are still young. That being single and/or a virgin is something to be ashamed of. That you shouldn’t be “picky.”

In this manga, Paru says fuck that noise and gives a big middle finger to mansplaining. Mako is at first seen as a sad figure, but that is only because she makes herself one. She sees herself as a problem because her nose makes her have high standards. And even if her mother made her have unfair standards and a unnatural fear for dirt, then it is not the same as saying she shouldn’t have standards. She allowed herself to be the office slut, to try trick someone into falling in love with her in a fake life-and-death crisis and tried to pay her way to sex. But her nose wouldn’t let her. And after Tokuma finally fess up she can appreciate it for what her nose is despite its flaws.

So Mako’s happy ending is not getting the guy but to know she is worth one, even if she has to look harder for him.

That’s a wrap. I’m Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

#drip drip #Bota Bota #Mako Higari #Higari Mako #manga #paru itagaki #itagaki paru #god dammit Paru!#paru is insane!

15 notes · View notes

ingo-ingoing-ingone · 2 years

Text

So! Post con thoughts!!

First off, I will be making a con compilation video soon so look out for that! More pictures! Videos too! You’ll get to see me doing Emmet Karaoke and also the cosplay fashion show :) I’ll rehash this post in the video as well

But okay!

First off, I want to say I’ve had more fun than i can ever remember having this weekend. The reception to my cosplay and everything I did this weekend was... Astounding. I expected a handful of people to enjoy my cosplay and know who i was. Maybe more to know “hey that pokemon black and white train guy!” (Actual comment i heard)

But no. I got 100+ people commenting and asking for pictures and freaking out about my cosplay (and posters). In the registration line, several people told me they loved me. Today, one person said “HEY! My friend Emmet! Wait nevermind that’s weird you don’t know me.” (that cracked me up) Several people had me pose with plushies or props they had! People freaked OUT when they saw me, and today I got MULTIPLE PEOPLE saying they were searching for me all day after hearing about me yesterday. When I did find Ingos, and we did the pose, so many people wanted pictures. It was awesome!! There’s got to be SO MANY pics floating around out there!

The first Ingo I found was a fan of my fanfics. That was an INSANE feeling, meeting someone who was a fan of me. I also met an author that I’ve been enjoying the works of, which was almost equally as wild! Fun fun time, there (we’ll both be going to another con at the same time, totally gonna meet up there.)

The flyers were such a hit. People cracked UP when I handed them to them. One person SHOUTED “NOOOOOO!” loudly in the artist alley. They were one of the artists. There were groups who crowded around and read it aloud. The line “we are different people” SENT THEM. Three people said they’d frame it. The mask was another thing that people loved! They thought it was wonderful! My con badge also said I AM EMMET and so did the LED badge I pinned to my lanyard. Those who noticed the triplicate thought it was hilarious. Glad it wasn’t overkill like I’d thought!

Now, I will say I was a bit bummed there was not one single HINT of submas merch ANYWHERE in artist alley. OF COURSE this isn’t the artists’ faults, duh, I just wish I would’ve seen some! I had submas fans asking me if I’d found anything, and nothing. Had to tell several folks the pins and keychains I had were all bought beforehand!

One artist in the artist alley asked me to keep a lookout for Ingo merch for their little sister, who apparently loves Ingo to pieces. I found nothing, but gave the artist a flyer to pass along, and they took a pic of me holding it :) They said I’d make her day, which was such a good feeling.

Even after the con, folks on discords (that I wasn’t in at the time!) were talking about the “Emmet cosplayer with the missing posters.” Someone else on tumblr complimented the Emmet cosplayer while we were chatting, all the while unaware that I was the person who was in that cosplay!

That’s the core of it, really. While cosplaying and having people interact with me gives me free serotonin, it’s because I fuckin love making people smile. The amount of days I apparently made is.... a lot!! I did that! I made people smile! People posted pictures on twitter yelling over getting to meet me! I just... brought joy to people. And that is an immensely good feeling.

Aside from all that, I had a photoshoot in the Boston subway system (aka the T). I was quite lucky the con was in a location with its own stop! My wonderful photographer was happy to go down there for a shoot. It was even on the Green Line, just like the one Ingo runs. So me pretending to put up missing posters there will be extra evocative. :) I’ll post those pics, and the ones from the photo room at the con, as soon as I get them! :D

I learned a few things that I’m going to incorporate into my writing as well! Like how even if you are a different color, even if you are LABELED IN 3 PLACES! People will still get you and your twin confused. And how even if you’ve been doing the same pose all day, sometimes you will almost run into the person you’re standing next to in an attempt to get to the right position. And sometimes you’ll forget for a moment and face the person you’re SUPPOSED to be posing back-to-back to like a dummy.

Fun way to do fic research, I guess! Live as the character(s) for a few days! :D

So now that this con is over.... Now what?? What happens next? Well, aside from having to go back to work (boo), I have a lot of plans. There are some locations in the area where I eventually want to have some photoshoots. I’ll be going to Vancouver and might be bringing my cosplay along, and I definitely want to go to NYC soon. For cons, Connecticon is coming up, and Fan Expo Boston is as well! Along with some smaller Massachusetts cons and ones in the surrounding areas that I might hit up :) Unless my life takes a verrry sudden detour or my outfit gets completely ruined, I will be cosplaying Emmet at all these events.

But until then...

I’m planning on taking a few of each version of the posters and sticking them in the Boston subway and seeing what happens. It’s obviously just a silly thing, so no one will be bothered sfjslfghsfhgj I wanna see if anyone takes the tear tabs. If you’re in Boston and find one, you get a free doodle from me.

Until my next con this summer! If anyone’s going to Connecticon, let me know! I can’t wait to go do this all over again :)

(Post mostly written on Sunday, May 29 2022)

#submas #anime boston #con recap #cosplay #seriously this weekend feels like a dream #an amazing dream that could not possibly have happened but #it did #it really really did #all of that was real #... sidenote i #really wish i had videos of my last reunion with ingo #the amount of HAPPY SHOUTING there was in the hallway was amazing #we had a crowd of people gathering #everyone wanted pictures #if anyone has video of that moment plz show me <3

41 notes · View notes

thediscsystem · 1 year

Note

💕, 💗,🍦

💕: honestly the sweetest person I know. Genuinely the light of my life. I mean, everything about them, absolutely everything, just makes my heart soar. There's just this look in their smile that's so real and true, the way they fiddle with their hands, how every time I looked into their eyes I notice how dilated their pupils are and how astounding just that look alone is. There's so much in a stare like that. And just hearing them talk about anything and everything is just amazing. We have some shared interests and so every time we talk about something together I feel like I'm learning to love the thing all over again.

💗: I think I show I care just by paying a terrible amount of attention. Usually that's in the form of staring or facing the person. I also try to open up more to people I really care about. I'm also a little touchy and I really like sharing my thoughts with those I care for. I also tend to collect momentos and save them to give to people, some i never actually give, but i try. As for what other people do? Just listening really makes me feel cared for and for some reason getting questions about things makes me feel really loved. Not sure why. I just guess I like answering questions.

🍦: ugh,, ok not to be that guy but this is a hard one. I love how easily I throw myself into things like research or media. I love the passion I have for things. I love how quickly I go to comfort or support people. I can be a dick some times and abrasive or angry, but I will drop everything to help someone who's upset. Genuinely no matter who. I love that I'm a little strange, builds character. I love my art and how I draw. I love the range of weird accents I can do. I love that I sing along with the radio even if I'm not very good at it. I love how much I care about symbolism and mythology and how it relates to everything. I love how I see artistry in everything and how I appreciate the people who made it and how they thought. I love my nose, chin, and laugh because I get them all from my grandfather. And finally, I love how I still love the adventure of life. After everything else, after people being garbage, after the world being worse, I still love the experience of life. I still will enthusiastically agree to do pretty much anything with my friends. I still fill every day I can with something to look back on and say that I smiled.

#disc sys spouts nonsense #not discworld #dredge.#disc sys asks

2 notes · View notes

genuflectx · 1 year

Text

Terato Book Review: A Soul to Keep (Duskwalker Brides Book 1)

This one was on my to-read list on Goodreads for a bit, and I finally got around to reading it. The first half has vague spoilers, such as descriptions of sex and if there was a happy end or not. Under the cut you’ll find a longer review with detailed spoilers. Here we go!

A Soul to Keep (Duskwalker Brides Book 1), by Opal Reyne. Orpheus, a human eating duskwalker, appears every ten years to receive a human sacrifice. Reia, a “harbinger of bad omens,” is coerced into offering herself so that her village can be rid of her without actively killing her. She discovers that Orpheus does not eat this sacrifices, rather he has been looking for a companion. The only problem is that the smell of fear or blood causes him to go into an uncontrolled rage and devour its source, leading to many, many lost companions. As time goes on Reia must decide between trying to run (and potential be killed by lurking demons) or to stay with him.

The book is 500+ pages, 38 chapters long, with each chapter being pretty short.

PROS ★ ★ ★

- It reads like a slow burn long fic, with a writing style that is neither astounding nor terrible. It’s right in the middle, but still one of the more entertaining monster erotica books that I’ve read!

- It’s plot is straight forward and simple with meaningful sexual progression over a long period of writing.

- Smutty scenes are detailed and long, often taking up whole chapters, sometimes with multiple sex scenes lined up one after the other. This is the most detailed smut I’ve seen in an erotic monster novel so far.

- She covers a variety of kinks, some that I haven’t seen in other terato books I’ve read. Size difference, threats of being eaten, hand kinks, pred-prey, copious amounts of cum...

- If you like skull heads, but were weirded out by Chise being underage in Ancient Magus’ Bride, here ya go. The monster is off brand Elias, and the author isn’t shy about crediting him. At the back of the book she says “I originally got into a character like this because of The Ancient Magus' Bride. Elias is a cutie and I loved him.“

- There are a surprising amount of small subplots, action scenes, and dramas in this book, even though the focus is mainly on Reia and Orpheus’s relationship. Basically, all subplots function as a way to change their relationship. I found Reyne to be decent at writing action scenes.

- Major character death sorta, but with a happy (if lackluster) ending.

CONS ★ ★ ★

- By far the biggest con is the disorganization of both information and the world building. Characters will state the obvious, the first 2 chapters are entirely exposition, and personality traits often make little sense given the way characters were raised- mostly Reia. I’ll talk more about this under the cut.

- The 1st sex scene breaks Orpheus’s preestablished personality traits, which took me out of the scene.

- Two of the sex scenes are very obviously ripped from one of the “shippy” scenes from Ancient Magus’ Bride, except sexyfied. Once was enough.

- Some kinks featured border on noncon or dubcon, and the feral kink will probably be iffy for some audiences. As in, Orpheus can be “feral” and more animalistic on all fours, but he’s still very clearly a sentient human-minded monster, not an actual animal. I include this as a con because definitions of a true “feral” vary wildly.

- I found some details in sex scenes to be unsexy. Such as Orpheus apparently being into sticking his tongue into Reia’s ears and Reyne describing it as “squelching.” The toe licking scene also comes to mind. I’m sure someone else will see those as pros tho, lol

- She decided to make all demons have “void black” skin, and even though she later makes it clear “void black” isn’t the same as a black skinned human, that was certainly... a choice. Uncreative at best, thoughtless at worst.

- Orpheus pretty much raped a different human multiple times in his past. I’ll talk more about this under the cut because of spoilers.

- Smaller cons that are mostly nitpicks: overuse of specific words for body parts (orbs, channel, cock), butchering a whole fucking deer on a dining room table (!?!?!), small plot holes, some sentences worded confusingly (one scene I was so confused by that I interpreted it as Reia having been disembowled when that wasn’t the case at all!)

★ ★ ★ WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO TERATO FANS?

Sure! It isn’t wholly good nor wholly bad, it sorta just is. It exists as basically a wildly AU fanfic where Reyne decided “hey Elias is hot, but the girl is a minor? ew” so she just plucked them from their canon and rewrote them in her image, right down to copying a few iconic scenes from the anime. I think the author has potential, but right now the writing itself is merely meh. Entertaining to a degree (I skimmed a LOT of the last dozen chapters), but meh. I don’t think she had an editor or even beta reader, and is self-published only starting from 2020. So she’s pretty new.

Duskwalker Brides is meant to be a series, and this is book 1. Book 2 carries on through a character introduced to us in book 1, but I can’t bring myself to be motivated into reading book 2. Listen, I love skull head monsters, but after one human/duskwalker meet cute story I don’t really feel the need to read another by the same author. The lore of the world truly isn’t that engaging or deep. If she wanted us to stick with it she would need to make us more invested in a wider world-spanning plot, not just two characters and a side character. If I don’t care about the world, why would I want to read the same ol’ same ol’ human/duskwalker story that I literally just read...? I just don’t want to read the same thing twice. Sorry Reyne...

★ ★ ★ FINAL RATINGS:

Monsterousness: 9/10 Eroticism: 9/10 Story: 7/10 Characters: 6/10

MY FINAL SCORE: 7/10 (Not the best, but fun)

Spoiler time! We’ll start with the good things first, as usual. So... A Soul to Keep... I really did not care for the writing style from the get-go, mainly because it immediately broke the show-don’t-tell rule and started introducing us to a “she” before it even explained who “she” was. I was so confused! But luckily on the 2nd chapter it picked us back up and got me hooked.

We are introduced to this strange world where humans cowered from “demons” and “duskwalkers,” the later which can walk in sunlight, unlike the former. Soon enough we learn that whatever the monsters eat they become, which causes those monsters who eat the most humans to become more human. Similarly, whatever animals they eat they become. So a dog-like demon has eaten dogs, an intelligent demon has eaten people- and our main character Orpheus with his magic has eaten priests, with his skull eaten wolves, his horns an impala. I found that premise interesting and unique.

( Speaking of impala. I can only assume they must be located in South Africa? Since that’s where impalas live...? But something tells me Reyne just did not think that hard... especially since almost all the characters have a Greek or Latin name... hmmm.... )

I very much liked the initial will-they-won’t-they aspect of the book! Sadly, despite how long it was, they go to the smut a lot sooner than I expected. Romance is second to the smut for A Soul to Keep, which is a shame. But the book is able to keep its slow burn title because they don’t have sex until late in the book, instead using mouths and hands. And, beyond sexual content, there’s finally the romantic part of the book, leading up to Reia eventually giving Orpheus her soul. We get to watch this big fluffy skull-monster fret and fuss over his little human, trying to win her heart, while at the same time trying to quell his bloodlust and not eat her. I love a good threat of being eaten >:D

But then it becomes... meh.

This back-and-forth relationship between them beings to feel overplayed and muddled by the middle of the book. Characters become repetitive and wishy-washy. Reia, despite beginning to consider staying, runs away anyways and nearly fucking dies. Why, Reyne? She was scared of falling in love. She was scared of falling in love so she... thrusted herself literally into a den of bloodthirsty monsters. It’s a dumb motivation. Reia, who is supposedly meant to be intelligent, is stupid only when drama calls for it. That’s annoying for a reader.

Which is a perfect Segway into my bigger gripes about the book. Reyne writes as if she doesn’t know what she’ll write until it’s coming out of her, and this results in information getting to the page out of order. I don’t know how else to explain it other than everything felt disorganized. Info, sentences, the world. She has self-published so many books in only 2 years that I’m inclined to believe she is churning them out without really going back through them. It results in an amateurish read, which is a shame given how much potential I see in the story. Out of everything it’s the smutty chapters that really shine. But everything else just falls by the wayside, especially character and world consistency.

And before I get to those inconsistencies- I have got to mention the rape thing. Orpheus’s first human, Katarina, was 200 years ago. He talks lovingly about her, about building a house and buying things for her, having lost his virginity to her. But then Katarina reveals that she never wanted it, and let him fuck her because she was scared he’d eat her if she said no. This was untrue because he wouldn’t have eaten her. However, as a scared human kidnapped by a monster known for bloodlust, she felt coerced, leading to it being rape. Multiple times. But Reia decides it was Katarina’s own fault for being raped because she “didn’t tell him no.” She even calls Katarina a cold hearted bitch. Then, Reyne decides to make Katarina an evil villain who’s out to kill Orpheus and make him miserable. Astounding. Honestly, that was the most fucked up thing about this story. Reia talks about Katarina as if she were terrible and bitchy because she “didn’t tell Orpheus no/her real feelings,” but Orpheus was very much a half-animal 200 years ago, one known for slaughtering humans, so why would the woman ever think anything else? She was terrified.

Reia is a shitty person, and I squint my eyes at Opal Reyne for writing a rape victim that way. I don’t know if she just did this distasteful thing without thinking or if she legitimately was inserting her own beliefs about rape victims here. Reia isn’t exactly supposed to be an unreliable narrator and it seems like we’re supposed to like Reia, which means we’re meant to agree with her. But no, Reyne, I do not. Reia was being a love blind asshole. It was not Katarina’s fault for being kidnapped and raped when she feared for her life, even if Orpheus was dumb and didn’t know he was raping her, rape is rape. Orpheus wasn’t at fault for being born a stupid monster, but neither is Katrina at fault for being too terrified to say no. >.>’

Now some of my notes on plot holes + inconsistencies:

- It was preestablished early on that Orpheus always gave Reia space. Sometimes to the extreme that he’d stand outside of the room she was in. So why on Earth would he suddenly just be invading her private room in the middle of the night over a funny smell? Then stick his nose in her crotch? That is not the thoughtful and nervous Orpheus you introduced to us. (This is one of the scenes she copied twice from The Ancient Magus Bride, btw, she just made it smutty.)

- Reia’s knowledge and personality do not make sense for her upbringing. She was traumatized at the age of 7 by watching her whole family gored to death. Then, since 7, was left alone in a one-room shack on the outskirts of town, only being given food at a distance. So why, then, does she know how to bake cookies? Why, then, does she know how to dye and sew dresses? Why, then, does she know curse words and have sexual education? This girl should be uneducated, half-insane from isolation, and timid from being bullied and talked down on her entire life. Instead, Reyne expects us to believe this girl has the confidence and worldly knowledge of a normal girl. Maybe even smarter than a normal girl, given she knows what Stockholm Syndrome is and enough scientific knowledge to think about electricity. She doesn’t make sense.

- There’s a scene in which Orpheus covers her in a cloak and a deer skull as a costume. He tells her she cannot show her pale hands because her human skin would give her away. However, in the demon village one of the first thing she notes is that many demons have human faces and patches of human skin. So why should showing her hands have gave her away? Or Hell, even her face? Even the demon king himself has a humanoid face and skin patches. This seems to me an annoying decision made by Reyne to, again, foster drama.

- Mavka does not just mean “forest spirit,” it seems to be a specific woman forest spirit. Both Wikipedia and the Encyclopedia of Ukraine say this. I don’t know why she chose this word to represent a bloodthirsty skull-headed spawn of void and phantom. It almost seems... bad?

- The whole impala horn thing. I have no doubt this book is based in Europe, possible England, due to that being where Ancient Magus’ Bride was located. But impalas are in South Africa. Also, she capitalized impala as Impala every time. I assume because of no editor and autocorrect thinking she meant the car. lmao

Lastly, some other notes and goofy quotes

- Reia butchers a whole ass deer on a dining room table. Guts, brains, blood, the works, all on the table. I don’t think Reyne did any research on how to butcher a large animal...

- Right after Reia dies in front of him and returns, Reyne decides this is the perfect time for Reia to instigate a pred-prey chase on an unwilling and sad Orpheus, which leads to sex. The chapter right after is ALSO another sex scene. It was so weird at this point in the book and the sex no longer had meaning.

- The whole bath thing is fun for an erotic book, but... let’s be honest here. The strange monster man who coerced you into his home forcing you to have your privates and boobs touched twice a day is very much not consensual and is weird.

- “Almost like she was afraid of the answer, Reia quietly asked, ‘Do you have a cock, Orpheus?’ "He leaned forward, swiping his tongue over her ear, around it, inside it, and it sent a shiver through her. She heard the squelch of it against her ear hole. ‘Yes, my little human, I have a cock.’” noooo who asks that

- “She could tell how hard her heart was thumping by her left breast floating in the water, jiggling lightly with each beat.” whhhhy

Soooo

The book is alright. It’s readable and offers a good few hours of entertainment, but it does drag on around the middle to end. The worst thing about it (besides being disorganized) is probably the rape victim blaming, which does make me distrust Reyne a bit. I don’t really have much else to say. Give it a read or don’t. There’s probably better monster erotica out there, somewhere, but I don’t think I’ve found it just yet... I’m not sure if I’ll read any more of Reyne’s work between 2020-2022, but maybe in a few years, when she’s practiced more, I’ll try again. I look forward to that day :)

#terato #exophilia #book review #monster romace #a soul to keep #review

5 notes · View notes

gaypanic97 · 2 years

Text

So, I’m a true crime fan, which I know is something we’re all sick of hearing at this point in the game. But it’s true. I like watching crime documentaries just like I like watching historical documentaries—it’s interesting and tragic and informational. Dramatizations are not as much my forte, unless you count Netflix’s Mindhunters. That show is great, but almost every other true crime drama show I’ve watched just made me feel icky. (Hence why I haven’t watched the Dahmer thing yet. Feels… gross.)

That being said, I have never really looked into the true crime community on tumblr. The tiktok ones can be pretty insufferable at times, though, so I decided to see if there were some cool research-based posts/blogs on here. And there were.

To get to those, however, I had to sift through an ungodly amount of fan-club blogs of some sick motherfuckers. Namely, the Columbine shooters and Adam Lanza. Icons of those assholes. What are you saving the icons for? Edits made with captions about how handsome they are or intelligent and god knows what else. What the actual fuck, man?

Frankly, I’m confused. Why is there this weird, cult like obsession with those pricks online? Is this a new thing, or am I just late to the party here? Columbine was almost 24 years ago now. Sandy Hook was ten. I’m so confused why people have started worshipping these guys?

Why them, too? A bunch of pathetic, sickening, psychotic losers? And I know what some of you are thinking. It’s language and treatment like that that made them into the monsters they became. Yes. Bullying is terrible. It shouldn’t happen. It can destroy lives. But those pieces of shit lost any chance of sympathy from me the moment they started killing other children. In Adam Lanza’s case, elementary grade kids who never did fucking shit to him.

I get pissed off over all the mass shooters, serial killers, rapists, etc. As someone whose family was torn apart by a murder years ago, I fucking hate those guys. I don’t care about their background. I don’t care that their childhood sucked. I don’t care that they felt alone. I don’t fucking care. Should someone have stepped in to help before the crimes were committed? Yes. When you see behavior like that, you acknowledge the red flags and try to prevent escalation. But I don’t buy the post-arrest confessions, teary trial apologies, or sob story suicide letters. You had a choice. You came from shit, you lived through shit, and you could’ve chosen to be better than that. Better than your family life. Better than the bullies. Better than your fucking diagnosis. You had a choice, and you decided to fucking kill innocent children.

And as much as the murders piss me off, I think that the murder apologists are even worse. You know this asshole killed/tortured/raped people? Actual people. Real life, breathing people with lives and families and futures and dreams. They killed them brutally, and you want to talk about them being misunderstood or relatable? Fuck right off. No way. Get the fuck out of here. Find a new obsession, a new hero, a new fixation. Liking fictional film/television/book villains is one thing—that shit is fake, and I get it. But now you’re romanticizing real life murderers and rapists and necrophiliacs and goddamn cannibals (see Dahmer comment above)?? I am astounded and disgusted and fucking sick.

Grow the fuck up. If you met Adam Lanza, Eric Harris, or Dylan Klebold while they were alive, you wouldn’t have been able to “fix” them or whatever. There would’ve been no romantic bullshit. You would’ve just been another victim. So, maybe you should consider the kids killed and the families whose lives were ruined instead of the twisted, insane, nasty motherfuckers who pulled the trigger?

Jesus, fuck. I’ve never angry posted before, but here you go.

#true crime #what the fuck #pissed #what is this shit #true crume #ugh anyway

5 notes · View notes

xoxoemynn · 2 years

Note

I have gotten this sudden urge to tell you how much of an amazing person you are, Emy. I know that anon was being mean to be mean, but it is also a good time to send you lovely messages.

I have loved talking to and being apart of the same fandoms with you over these years. You are so fun to be around and an absolute gem of a human being. 💕

You were also the first person to use the correct pronouns for me when we talked all these years back and I am forever grateful to you for that.

Awww thank you so much, lovely. This is incredibly sweet and thoughtful.

And truly did not care about that anon at all. They've been making their way through the OFMD fandom and clearly have a lot of anger they need to sort out. Their behavior says a lot more about them than about me.

But it is a shame, just because I've met so many wonderful people through this site and through various fandoms, including you. And I'm still astounded that I left for a few years, came back, and I still had mutuals here who just welcomed me back immediately!

Tumblr gets a lot of criticism but honestly I have yet to find another social media platform that allows for this particular type of community where people can be completely authentic (ironic, I know, since it's also one of the more anonymous platforms). We all just come on here and go "hey! I like this thing a kind of weird amount" and so many others hear that cry and go "hey! I ALSO like this thing a kind of weird amount!! Let's talk about it!"

And then from there you get so many wonderful friendships and genuine moments of human interaction with people who may never have met otherwise, who may have just continued living in their little isolated bubble of "oh guess I'm just gonna have to be weird by myself."

All this is to say, I love this silly website, I love the OFMD fandom (and the other fandoms I've been apart of, especially the ones we've both been in), I love all the people I've chatted with and engaged with. It's a really special experience and I'm so grateful to have this outlet, and I'm so grateful to you and all the other people who've made my experience here what it has been. If someone would rather send vile anon messages instead of actually enjoying being here, well, that's on them. They're missing out.

But you, Rou, are an exceptionally wonderful and talented human being. You're one of the very first people I followed back in the day and it lowkey blows my mind we're both here and enjoying entirely new shows together all these years later. I smile every time I see you on my dash and I hope the rest of your day is as wonderful as you've made mine.

#xroub #lovely people being lovely #got a little sidetracked but honestly 99.9% of people I've engaged with on this site are incredible #and Rou your message really reminded me of that #thank you for continuing to be one of my fave people on this site

3 notes · View notes

pesterloglog · 5 months

Text

Karkat Vantas

Act 6, page 4685-4694

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION.

CCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS MEMO BULLSHIT AGAIN.

CCG: I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

CCG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR NOOKS I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.

CCG: THEIR TROLL NOOKS *AND* HUMAN NOOKS, WHATEVER THE HELL A HUMAN NOOK EVEN *IS*.

CCG: YOU KNOW?

CCG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE?

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 10 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCG: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

CCG: OH...

CCG: HEY

FCG: I CAN'T

FCG: I JUST CANNOT

FCG: *FUCKING*

FCG: ***BELIEVE***

FCG: I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN WITH YOU/ME.

FCG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE ME THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???

CCG: DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE TEXT?

FCG: UUUUUGH.

FCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!

FCG: I JUST HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PREMONITION YOU'RE ABOUT TO ANYWAY.

CCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW WHY YOU CHANGED YOUR TEXT RED!

CCG: WE DON'T DO THAT. THE SHOWY, SELF-ABSORBED "PAINT YOUR TEXT IN YOUR BLOOD COLOR" THING. OR EYE COLOR, OR WHATEVER.

CCG: IT'S FOR ATTENTION-GREEDY, INSECURE LOSERS.

FCG: SURE IS!

CCG: HMM.

FCG: ?????? <- SARCASTIC WONDER.

CCG: I'M JUST THINKING

CCG: THIS REALLY MAKES OUR CONVERSATIONS EASIER TO READ.

CCG: REMEMBER THOSE INSANE BLOCKS OF GRAY ANGRY TEXT WE USED TO WRITE TOGETHER.

CCG: WHAT WAS THAT

CCG: LIKE HALF A SWEEP AGO ALREADY?

CCG: IS IT WEIRD THAT I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING BACK ON ALL THAT INSANITY WITH A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF FONDNESS?

CCG: AT LEAST SHIT WAS HAPPENING.

CCG: IT'S SO BORING OUT HERE. AND LIVING WITH THE HUMANS IS JUST GETTING KIND OF

CCG: WEIRD.

CCG: ANYWAY, THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT MORE DECIPHERABLE. MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.

FCG: WELL HEY, CHECK IT OUT: SHIT JUST GOT NOSTALGIC.

FCG: LOOK AT THAT, I'M FEELING MORE SENTIMENTAL ABOUT THIS MORONIC CONVERSATION ALREADY.

CCG: OK, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO FROM ZERO TO DOUCHE LIKE IN THE BLINK OF A FUCKING GLANCE NUGGET.

FCG: THE BLINK OF A GLANCE NUGGET?? I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR TEN MINUTES ALREADY. AND COUNTING!

CCG: I JUST THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON TO SOMETHING WITH THE RED TEXT. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT YOU ANTAGONIZING FUCK.

CCG: I MEAN, WE ONLY EVER GOT IN THE HABIT OF TYPING IN GRAY TO HIDE OUR BLOOD COLOR, RIGHT?

CCG: AND LIKE, 1) EVERYBODY KNOWS IT NOW, IT WAS THE WORST KEPT FUCKING SECRET EVER, AND 2) EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T, IT'S JUST US HERE, AND OBVIOUSLY WE'VE BOTH ALREADY KNOWN IT ALL OUR LIVES

CCG: UNLESS WE'RE BOTH SO NEUROTIC WE ACTUALLY STILL WANT TO ACT LIKE ITS A SECRET WE'RE KEEPING FROM EACH OTHER...

CCG: BUT I'D LIKE TO THINK THE DAYS OF THAT ASTOUNDING DEGREE OF MENTAL ILLNESS ARE BEHIND US!

FCG: (I WANT TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I CAN'T UNTIL THE CONVERSATION RUNS ITS COURSE. THIS IS THE WORST HELL IMAGINABLE.)

CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP. THAT'S THE EXACT KIND OF MELODRAMA I'M TALKING ABOUT, WE'RE BETTER THAN THAT NOW MAN.

CCG: I'M GONNA DO THE *MATURE* THING HERE: AND SWITCH MY TEXT TO RED.

CCG: THERE. I THINK THIS SHOULD BE THE UNIVERSAL CONVENTION FOR WHEN TWO OF THE SAME PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

CCG: ONE GUY BITES THE BULLET AND TALKS IN RED.

CCG: SERIOUSLY, ONE OF US HAS TO BE THE GROWN UP HERE.

FCG: OH! I GET IT NOW.

FCG: WHEN I TYPE IN RED, IT'S SHOWY AND INSECURE, BUT WHEN YOU DO IT, YOU ARE SHOULDERING THE PRAGMATIC BURDEN OF A MARTYR, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS *MY* FUCKING IDEA TO DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE TEN MINUTES AGO!

FCG: YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

CCG: OK!!! GOD DAMMIT, STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE. I FUCKING APOLOGIZE.

FCG: CAN YOU JUST TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPID FEELINGS ALREADY SO WE CAN GET THIS NIGHTMARE OVER WITH.

CCG: WELL LOOK, IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LOPSIDED THING WHERE I SPILL ALL MY FEELINGS INTO IDIOTSPACE WHILE SOME SHIT HEAD YELLS AT ME.

CCG: I WAS KIND OF THINKING THERE WOULD BE SOME GIVE AND TAKE, SINCE YOU PRESUMABLY SHARE A LOT OF MY THOUGHTS??

FCG: OK WHATEVER. JUST SAY SOME STUFF ALREADY. ALL THAT SHIT I SAID TEN MINUTES AGO.

FCG: I WILL "RIFF" WITH YOU AND SOMEHOW PRETEND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE I'M REHASHING A BUNCH OF LINES WRITTEN IN BARELY DRIED INK!!!

CCG: OK

CCG: WELL

CCG: I'M HAVING A HARD TIME EVEN PUTTING MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS ABOUT THIS BIZARRE TREK THROUGH THE RING.

CCG: AT FIRST IT WAS JUST BLAND AND UNEVENTFUL. BUT THAT WAS KIND OF A RELIEF, REMEMBER?

CCG: NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING KILLED ALL THE TIME, OR TRYING TO RALLY A BUNCH OF UNCOOPERATIVE TROOPS TOWARD AN IMPOSSIBLE OBJECTIVE.

FCG: YEAH.

CCG: BUT THEN

CCG: AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH THAT SOMETIMES WE VISIT THESE CRAZY DREAM BUBBLES WHEN WE GO TO SLEEP...

CCG: WE STARTED PHYSICALLY PASSING THROUGH THEM TOO.

CCG: LIKE I THINK I COULD HANDLE IT BETTER IF IT WAS JUST ONE THING OR THE OTHER.

CCG: LIKE *ONLY* THE MONOTONOUS DAY TO DAY DRUDGERY ON THE SAME GLOOMY FUCKING METEOR WITH THE SAME BUNCH OF RIDICULOUS PEOPLE, AND BASICALLY NOTHING TO DO EVER EXCEPT GET ALL UP IN EACH OTHER'S BUSINESS.

CCG: OR *ONLY* A SWEEPS LONG SAFARI THROUGH AN EPHEMERAL REALM OF GHOST MEMORIES AND DEAD FRIENDS SHITTING AROUND IN A HAPHAZARD EXISTENTIAL CLUSTERFUCK.

CCG: BUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH BOTH, IN TOTALLY RANDOM INTERVALS?

CCG: IT'S KIND OF TAKING ITS TOLL.

FCG: "I HEAR YOU MAN."

FCG: THAT WAS WHEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT.

FCG: BUT FOR THE RECORD, I GUESS I MEANT IT.

CCG: YEAH.

CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT.

CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY.

CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES.

CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT.

CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.

CCG: FOR REASONS I CAN'T REALLY PUT MY FINGER ON.

FCG: I KNOW WHY.

CCG: YOU DO?

FCG: YEAH.

CCG: WELL OF COURSE YOU DO.

CCG: I GUESS BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU TEN MINUTES AGO, MAKING IT LIKE A SELF-FULFILLING EPIPHANY??

FCG: WELL THERE'S THAT

FCG: BUT ALSO THIS CONVERSATION HELPED CLARIFY SOME THOUGHTS TOO, IN SPITE OF ITS EXCRUCIATING POINTLESSNESS.

FCG: PART OF WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU ABOUT THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT MORTALITY.

CCG: YEAH

CCG: I THINK THAT'S PART OF IT.

CCG: AFTER VISITING WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DREAM BUBBLES

CCG: AND HANGING OUT WITH WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DEAD FRIENDS, AND *COPIES* OF DEAD FRIENDS FROM ALTERNATE TIMELINES...

CCG: I START TO WONDER, DOES DEATH EVEN REALLY MEAN ANYTHING?

CCG: DID LIFE MEAN ANYTHING, FOR THAT MATTER??

CCG: WAS THE POINT OF LIFE TO JUST GO AROUND COLLECTING A BUNCH OF PAINFUL AND AWKWARD EXPERIENCES TO SUPPLY MATERIAL FOR THE REVOLVING MEMORY-COLLAGE THAT SERVES AS THE BACKDROP TO A MUCH LONGER, EMPTIER STRETCH OF EXISTENCE?

CCG: AND HOW UNNERVING IS IT RUNNING INTO OUR DEAD DOPPELGANGERS FROM DOOMED TIMELINES?

FCG: HEY, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, BRO.

CCG: IT'S FUCKED UP.

CCG: NEVER MIND WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT A PERSON'S IDENTITY OR SENSE OF SELF, OR WHICH GUY GETS TO BE CONSIDERED "THE REAL GUY" OR PHILOSOPHICAL BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.

CCG: JUST ON THE LEVEL OF WHAT YOUR DECISIONS AND ACTIONS DURING YOUR LIFE ACTUALLY MEAN.

CCG: SOMETIMES WE RUN INTO THESE VERSIONS OF OURSELVES WHO REACHED GOD TIER FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

CCG: BUT IN SPITE OF BEING *MORE* SUCCESSFUL THAN WE WERE, BY THAT PARTICULAR OBJECTIVE MEASURE

CCG: THEY GET PUNISHED FOR THAT, BECAUSE IT WASN'T "THE THING THAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN"??

FCG: PRETTY MUCH.

CCG: SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

CCG: IF WE ARE TO TAKE SOME LESSON FROM THAT, WHAT IS IT!

CCG: "TRY TO BE GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL, BUT MAYBE NOT TOOOO GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL?"

CCG: OR MAYBE DON'T TRY AT ALL IN SOME CASES! BECAUSE IF YOU DO, SOME GIANT FUCKING SQUID IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IS GOING TO BE LIKE, NOT SO FAST, MY HIDEOUS MONSTER PLANS BEG TO DIFFER.

CCG: DON'T YOU THINK WE'D HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF IF WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS DREAM BUBBLE SHIT?

FCG: WELL.

FCG: YEAH.

FCG: THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING TEN MINUTES AGO.

FCG: BUT NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

CCG: YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE LISTENING. EVEN IF YOU WERE BEING YOUR USUAL SHITTY SELF ABOUT IT.

CCG: NOBODY ELSE EVEN GETS THIS, THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

CCG: LIKE TEREZI?

CCG: IT USED TO BE THAT SHE WOULD AT LEAST HUMOR EVEN MY MOST LUDICROUS, VITRIOLIC GARBAGE ALL THE TIME.

CCG: REMEMBER THOSE DAYS?

CCG: WAY BACK BEFORE WE EVEN KNEW WHAT A HUMAN WAS.

CCG: BACK ON ALTERNIA WHEN MY BIGGEST FEAR WAS IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT I WAS A MUTANT. HOW QUAINT CAN YOU FUCKING GET?

CCG: I WAS AN IDIOT NOT TO UNDERSTAND HOW GOOD THINGS WERE BACK THEN.

CCG: BETWEEN US.

CCG: NOW IT'S LIKE...

FCG: SDJS;ALSKJFSA;JK

CCG: WHAT?

FCG: THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION.

CCG: OH GET OVER YOURSELF, OUR TEN MINUTES IS ALMOST UP.

CCG: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW.

CCG: IS SHE PUNISHING ME FOR SOMETHING?

CCG: I DON'T NEED TO REMIND YOU HOW MUCH TIME SHE SPENDS GALLIVANTING AROUND THE METEOR WITH YOU KNOW WHO.

FCG: NO YOU SURE AS FUCK DO NOT.

CCG: AFTER ALL THIS TIME I *STILL* CAN'T TELL IF SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT THAT, OR DOING IT TO FUCK WITH ME.

CCG: WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THERE SOMETHING LEGITIMATELY RED GOING ON THERE?

CCG: HOW CAN I COMMAND SUCH ABSOLUTE MASTERY OVER THE ROMANTIC SCIENCES YET REMAIN PERPLEXED BY THIS???

CCG: MAYBE I CAN'T GET A READ BECAUSE HE'S NOT A TROLL, AND THEREFORE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK HE'S DOING?

CCG: IT'S LIKE TRYING TO DECIPHER AN INTRICATE COURTSHIP PROCESS BETWEEN AN ATTRACTIVE POTENTIAL MATESPRIT, AND SOME SORT OF VEGETABLE.

CCG: LIKE IT DOESN'T COMPUTE.

FCG: FUCK, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING LISTENING TO THIS, MAKE IT STOP.

CCG: QUIET, I'M TALKING.

CCG: I JUST FEEL LIKE MAYBE I'M PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN WITH HER.

CCG: WHERE BEFORE THERE WAS MARGIN FOR ERROR, PROBABLY WAY MORE THAN I EVER DESERVED.

CCG: AND NOW THAT'S IT. SHE'S TOTALLY HAD IT, AND THERE'S A NEW DUDE WITH CANDYBLOOD IN TOWN.

CCG: HE'S JUST GOT IT ALL, DOESN'T HE? HE'S A MUCH BETTER ARTIST THAN I AM, FOR ONE THING.

CCG: AND HIS HORNS ARE SO NUBBY, THEY DON'T EVEN EXIST! TALK ABOUT HITTING THE JACKPOT.

CCG: AM I OFF BASE??

FCG: WE JUST WENT OVER THIS.

FCG: I DIDN'T GET IT THEN BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY WHINING AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF LIKE YOU'RE DOING NOW SO PIPE DOWN AND LISTEN.

FCG: YOU'VE BEEN SENDING HER AN ENDLESS STREAM OF MIXED SIGNALS FOR AS LONG AS YOU'VE KNOWN HER.

CCG: OH BULLSHIT.

FCG: LIKE FUCK IT'S BULLSHIT.

FCG: IT'S ALL TOO CLEAR TO ME NOW. IT'S A CLASSIC CASE OF QUADRANT VACILLATION, AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.

FCG: NO WONDER SHE WAS FRUSTRATED AND GOT FED UP WITH YOU.

CCG: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.

FCG: IS IT?? TELL ME, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TREATED HER IN A WAY THAT COULD BE OBJECTIVELY CONSTRUED AS A FORM OF BLACK SOLICITATION?

CCG: THAT'S JUST

CCG: NO, THAT'S HOW WE'VE ALWAYS ROLLED TOGETHER. IT'S LIKE

CCG: SPIRITED PLATONIC CONTENTION.

CCG: TOTALLY NORMAL TERRITORY IN A HEALTHY MATESPRITSHIP.

FCG: YEAH, A *HEALTHY* ONE, NOT ONE INVOLVING A DEMENTED LOUDMOUTH WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS SHIT UNDER CONTROL.

FCG: LET ME ASK YOU, HOW MUCH OF THAT ANIMOSITY IS INNOCENT "PLATONIC RAGE"?

FCG: COULD IT BE THAT SUBCONSCIOUSLY YOU WANT TO PUSH THINGS WITH HER ONTO CALIGINOUS TURF, MAYBE SEE HOW THINGS WORK OUT THERE?

FCG: SEE IF YOU CAN HAVE YOUR GRUB, AND CULL IT TOO??

FCG: THAT WAY YOU HAVE HER ALL TO YOURSELF!

CCG: FUCK YOU.

FCG: YOU WANT HER IN EVERY QUADRANT LIKE A DESPERATE FOOL.

FCG: DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE BECOME? YOU ARE THE SAD JOKE CHARACTER IN THE ROMCOM, YOU KNOW THE GUY I'M TALKING ABOUT.

FCG: WHO'S GREEDY AND INDISCRIMINATE ABOUT FILLING EVERY QUADRANT, TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS TO IT, AND IN THE END HAS FUCKALL TO SHOW FOR IT.

CCG: I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS.

FCG: YOU KIND OF DO, FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER TEN MINUTES.

CCG: NO, FUCK THAT, I'M SO DONE WITH YOU.

FCG: YEAH, YOU PRETTY MUCH ARE, BECAUSE THE TEN MINUTES ARE ABOUT UP, AND I'LL BE GONE.

FCG: THEN IT'LL JUST BE YOU AND THE OTHER GUY, SPINNING YOUR GLOBES TOGETHER LIKE A COUPLE STUPID PIECES OF SHIT, AD INFINITUM.

CCG: MAN, I MUST HAVE BEEN INSANE TO THINK ANYTHING IS DIFFERENT.

CCG: YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL, YOU'RE JUST AS PETTY AND HORRIBLE AS EVER.

CCG: FUCK YOU FOREVER. FUCK EVERY TEN-MINUTES-AHEAD VERSION OF MYSELF ALL THE WAY INTO TEN-MINUTE-FUCKING-ETERNITY.

FCG: I CAN'T EVEN DO THIS, NOT ANY MORE.

CCG: YEAH, WELL YOU MADE YOUR COCOON, PAL. NOW WE HAVE TO TAKE TURNS SHITTING IN IT, TOGETHER. IT IS THE MOST PATHETIC, SMELLIEST DANCE OF ALL.

FCG: HMM.

CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW?

FCG: IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME

FCG: THIS DUMB TANTRUM I THREW

FCG: THIS ENTIRE BAD MOOD...

FCG: IT WAS JUST ANOTHER IDIOTIC SELF-FULFILLING REACHAROUND WASN'T IT.

CCG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??

FCG: I MEAN, WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM?

FCG: IT WAS LIKE SPONTANEOUSLY GENERATING SELF-LOATHING WITH NO DISCERNIBLE SOURCE.

FCG: WAS THIS EMOTIONAL OUTBURST EVER EVEN REAL?

CCG: OH NO, DON'T EVEN START WITH THAT.

CCG: DO *NOT* START GETTING EXISTENTIAL ABOUT MY ANGER.

CCG: YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS REAL.

FCG: ARE YOU SURE, MAN?

CCG: ASLKJSDKLSDLFHJSIKLKLSDGNKL

CCG: YOU CONDESCENDING FUCK.

CCG: HOW

CCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUSDLIHLYUUIFHIERGFSHDJKBGJKSUUUUUCKING

CCG: **********DAAAARE**********

CCG: YOU CALL INTO QUESTION THE LEGITIMACY OF MY FEELINGS, AS IF THEY AREN'T COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED AND TOTALLY 100% GROUNDED IN

CCG: *ABSOLUTE*

CCG: ~*=STONE COLD CONCRETE GOD DAMNED=*~

CCG: **********

CCG: OBJECTIVE.

CCG: MOTHER.

CCG: FUCKING.

CCG: REALITY.

CCG: **********

FCG: YEAH, SEE

FCG: I'VE COMPLETELY SET YOU OFF HERE, AND NOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

FCG: SORRY, THIS WAS MY FAULT. I'M GOING TO GO TRY AND CALM MYSELF DOWN.

CCG: OH, SO THIS IS WHY YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE THIS CONVERSATION???

CCG: YOU GOT OWNED, SO YOU HAD TO SLINK AWAY LIKE A FUCKING COWARD??????

CCG: NICE TRY SHIT HEAD, BUT I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET. YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LIST HIS 10-MINUTE-AWAY-SELF'S FLAWS??

CCG: I COULD GO ON FOREVER!

FCG banned himself from responding to memo.

CCG: FINE, GET OUT OF HERE! GOOD RIDDANCE!

CCG: AS IF I COULD TAKE ANOTHER SPONGE WRINGING MINUTE OF YOUR DISINGENUOUS DRIVEL.

PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 10 MINUTES AGO opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION.

PCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS MEMO BULLSHIT AGAIN.

PCG: I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

PCG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR NOOKS I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.

PCG: THEIR TROLL NOOKS *AND* HUMAN NOOKS, WHATEVER THE HELL A HUMAN NOOK EVEN *IS*.

PCG: YOU KNOW?

PCG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE?

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCG: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

CCG: OH...

CCG: HEY

CCG: I CAN'T

CCG: I JUST CANNOT

CCG: *FUCKING*

CCG: ***BELIEVE***

CCG: I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN WITH YOU/ME.

CCG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE ME THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???

PCG: DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE TEXT?

CCG: UUUUUGH.

CCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!

CCG: I JUST HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PREMONITION YOU'RE ABOUT TO ANYWAY.

#homestuck #karkat vantas #homestuck act 6 #page 4685 #page 4686 #page 4687 #page 4688 #page 4689 #page 4690 #page 4691 #page 4692 #page 4693 #page 4694 #homestuck act 6 intermission 2

1 note · View note

only-lonely-lovers · 5 months

Text

07.16.2022

tags: dirty talk, dissociating during sex / being triggered during sex, noncon

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

つ：i think Hanako doesn't have the power. in any sense. to not be effected. its more like if Tsukasa doesn't begin making the interaction weird, it's not weird, like if Tsukasa is just in his usual LALALAL WEEE Hanako is like ugh… listenn… or if Tsukasa is flailing arms about he'll just be like GYAH, but the second tsukasa is like mmmmm hhiiiiiii [touches] there's no instance hanako isn't instantly like [becomes sweaty]

theres no instance where its like. [tsukasa attempts to bait] [hanako just pushes him off] its aways like [tsukasa begins speaking slower] [hanako's eyes unfocus]

あ：Your mans simply becomes aroused

つ：i do think the most recent interaction is the funniest one, bc it does START with Hanako being like GET AWAY!! to tsukasa, then it simply is that Tsukasa starts speaking slower and floating around you and Hanako's eyes start to middle-distance stare at nothing like they. always do. and then knowing immediately after that tsukasa is like [CLAPS] OK BYE NENE [hanako snaps out of it] LFIEJL???

feeling so like he. can just start speaking slower into your ear and its like mmng.m.g… [cant see straight] jsut extremely funny way to be

if he ever became somehow strong enough to just be like NNNNO!!! i'd be so like wow. it took you so many tries but at last you can resist . its like he hasn't improved at handling it thus far its just like. and now. you will feel sweaty

あ：the amount Hanako has not come so far. in fact he's really as bad as ever Starts like heavy breathing Personally I think it's Tsukasa's right to edge Hanako like this Tsukasa's endearing. vixen qualities tbh.

つ：it really feels good to be tsukasa i think. i wish he could teach nene this trick i think she could just do it too, if she were taught it

if you could just start breathily speaking against hanako's ear i think he'd become very yes'm

あ：He becomes so 1000 yard stare held in place by sheer arousal

つ：nene needs a coach to learn this technique, to dissolve the veneer of difficulty. like nene yoyr problem is youre trying to have a normal conversation or like look bright-eyed at him, but if tsukasa does that he ALSO gets like a hand shoved in his face, pushed off. but if only you just instead were like. whispering it heavily next to his neck. like is there…….. a reason… you do the things, you do…. there is, isn't there… he'd be like . [slurring] mgm, gmreason,,m, pants like youy,

あ：[coughs] [starts to tremble]

つ：IF tsukasa was like. AND WHY IS THAT?? he'd be like sooo grumpy and shitty. he just knows Amane well enough to whisper and touch his lips.

あ：BUT - BUT NENE gets a TASTE of this with 7 yo amane , when she kisses his forehead and is like: That's a good luck charm….❤️

つ：I THINK HANAKO HAS AN OFF BUTTON AND YOU CAN PRESS IT!

あ：she talks slower. and he's like [AGOG.] even when you wipe his face he literally is like [hands you the thing you wanted]

つ：she does. she is in her ultimate form there. and IMMEDIATELY he confesses to being into her.

あ：actually its s oooo funny how easy he is there, like he got babied for a sec and was like mgh. i give.

つ：god he's just responsive to touch its a joke again you touch his face. you put a thumb against his cheek you know. you do these things. he becomes. agreeable.

it is funny how little power he could have given some reconnaissance between the girlies

____________________

あ：The………. well it's like i got all fucked up . from looking at Tsukasa talking into Hanako's ear like mgh… damn it's really like that though… but the amount I want to think about Nene learning from Tsukasa from observation and trying things out herself, and being astounded by the effects

But cute specifically to think of some, little instance where Nene attempted to sort of have a preamble conversation with Tsukasa… (omg it's soo easy to imagine her just going to the broadcast room for teaparties with him and just decompressing and girltalking though…) but, like, kind of nerfed by her own shyness and not saying anything overt, it was more of a vague [staring into her teacup] asking Tsukasa if he thinks… that Hanako would like it if she did things that were… 'out of her character'… Would Hanako be put-off by her attempting to imitate Tsukasa? And Tsukasa is like OwO intrinsically at the idea like ahaha. OH!!! I mean. imitate what ❤️……… but nene just is like ><;;; well … I'm, i'm not sure-! [dodgy] but Tsukasa allows it out of a kindness. like awww well. If you won't say hehe. But ummmmmmmmmm hehehe……… IDK!!! heheheh i think amane just likes nene-chan so much… and he likes me. so nene-chan being like me isn't strange is it? [tilts head] we're already similar, aren't we…? [looks like this while he says that]

And Nene has to be like [squints..] ....... ....... .. [not like offended just made to be contemplative-- like --- Does... Tsukasa-kun really believe that...? .-.]

つ：surely Hanako-kun wouldn't really think that… and they're just so different in every way, I mean thats why the imitation would be so jarring, right….

あ：It's just quite a big thought to consider. I like Nene just having to chew on this. in the end, I want it to be impulsive actually, like after brewing for days, having a moment where the three of them are spending time together, and Hanako is being fussy and it makes her like… itch to try and curtail that

Watching him be very tch…. [slaps tsukasa away like a mosquito hovering around] Activating some sort of predatory emotion in Nene like you. you wouldn't keep your cool if…

つ：any extent of it feels like it'd first make Hanako feel like he's having a delusional nightmare fever dream why would she sound like that [tai lung fear voice] what

あ：Simply being like "., 1294765 6/?! 57 . ..6 87// ,fn" W-wh y tjkg.. why would it

Shut down. like your tongue just catches and you become stock still and staring like. As if Nene is some hallucination

つ：afraid to respond and that she''ll be like huuuh? I didn't say anything….. oh I just asked yada yada…. [normal voice]

あ：Having an unreality moment waiting to see if reality comes back.

I actually like the thought of Nene having spend so much time thinking her concept over, that she kind of developed a blindspot in considering the… optics… of imitating brother…. Like, forgetting to be self-conscious that evoking sibling is undesirable and unwanted in this [seemingly] tenuous threeway. Hanako is fronting so hard that he is merely permitting Tsukasa his time here etc. etc… Like surely at first, Nene was like 6_6; "Would that be weird..? Unsexy!?" … [laying in bed, staring at ceiling…]

But you know, it's almost like, the very fact that Tsukasa is relegated to this floater/support role… that leads Nene to have to observe the sheer effect Tsukasa's words have on Hanako. It makes his every little touch seem so strategic…? Nene is put in a position of watching Tsukasa leaning into Hanako's ear and murmuring and making Hanako's face twist

つ：it's true…. Tsukasa has far less… mm… allowances, access, than she does… always has… but he's accruing these sorts of moments, in a flash, effortlessly, through the little channel he's allowed. It's something to be a little jealous of, which would make her feel guilty, too… Tsukasa-kun isn't even allowed all that she is, if anything he should be the one more left out…. so it feels shallow and crude to be envious. But the mystifying quality of Tsukasa's power of suggestion….

あ：Stroking his shoulders and chest or something… and she feels, Hanako in turn grasp her tighter, push against her her harsher, huff, shuffle, twitch. This or that. I think… Nene is capable of observing just how troubled Hanako looks, during sex, he. Looks like someone trying to not enjoy the sex. (A girl can feel self-conscious about this even…) so, it's impressive to watch Tsukasa chip through that…

つ：if anything, Tsukasa is relatively inhibited and well-behaved… in some small way it feels wasted. If only she could also have that power…. with her other skills, too..

あ：If. the girl who has the permission to grab the dick. was on this level of seduction. [nene thoughts]

つ：maybe thats what Hanako could use…. but at this stage, she's also sortof convinced its… maybe he's not… 'into' ??????? tsukasa in this particular way…. so its difficult, confusing, to think about… like, will she. 'ruin' her own appeal in the moment of it while imitating tsukasa-kun… is it not possible to overlap these two things? are they mutually exclusive? Is there no world you can look/sound like that, chip into that, and also uh. touch his. thing

but its like well but he. [unfortunately reflecting on him] he is like.. flustered… is there some new emotion. she just wants to apprehend everything as the operative toucher here…

あ：This is the starting point of all her mulling, like, struggling to understand if these things can intersect, if it would just be clumsy and unsexy and foolish of her... So, I think the convo with Tsukasa would be a necessary little comfort, check-in

つ：tsukasa just like O YA. U SHOULD DO IT IT WOULD BE NOO PROBLEM!! HAHA SOUNDS FUN

あ：It sounds interesting!!! he insists. and even if Nene continues to have reservations like ^^; ... it's still nice to simply hear someone be like oh ya. go for it!! I mean he likes you... It's like ah yeah. Uhmm... I should trust... that. 😤

…. and then finally, when there's an "opening" it just stands out to her and makes her have to leap at it

I do just think. Nene grabbing Hanako's chin in her hands and splaying a hand to his chest would make him like deer in headlights so hard. And as she is heart-racing trying to tut him… Moe because, she won't be as practiced, kind of breathing heavily and fumbling a bit. H. Hanako-kunn… Don't you think you're being a little mean…? [… this is therapeutic bc she is just voicing her thoughts. but less like a whiny complaint, more like.. 'listen here.']

Don't you. Think you should be a little nicer…? [strokes face…]

つ：THE FEAR IN HIS SOULLL

あ：but regardless of stumbling through it, the result is the same like ///// from Hanako. which is like o-oh! ooh. [her devil horns point up]

つ：not sassing or backtalking, which was her biggest fear… mostly because like… I think if he did that, I would punch him…. and not be able to have sex for a week (the feel when someone laughs at you as you dom them) it would become so. FINE!!!!!!!!!!! RUNS AWAY

あ：OKAY TOUGH GUY!!!!!!!!!! 😭

つ：IF YOU HATE IT SO MUCH NO POON!!!

あ：Runs out of the school gates and cucks you

つ：despite the sensitivity if it happened she'd be so. BAKAAAA YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL WHEN A GIRL TRIES SOMETHING BOLD AND NEW!!!

あ：Yes lolf sdkghdf… like OUGHFM !FDHG D … see if i look at your cock agaim!!!!!!!!!!!!!

つ：ITS HARD!!! I'M JUST TRYING TO APPEAL TO YOU!!! ITS YOUR FAULT YOU LOOK A WAY... TSUKASA-KUN DOES IT!!!!

あ：It would be time to put hanako in teh dog house. but thankfully he is easy in this respect www… like he cannot even handle a cheek kiss with a ! cute little sentiment attached to it, flirty like.

I think he'd suddenly feel very flimsy. He's like a weedy little tree branch bending under touch

but Nene is like cmon girl you got him.. gooo…. [watching herself run hand down chest, drag over gakuran buttons] [watches as Hanako's breath catches] h-hahha.h..h.!! … ooh …. he's.. he is stare.. !!! _1 ! tsukasa who is also stare like (⓿◡⓿)

つ：yessssss. eats popcorn spiritually

あ：Hey this is pretty interesting

💭Does it really look like this..............? ❤️....

つ：hoooooot EROI!

あ：I think he is a good boy and simply plays observer, one of those… 'i can't interrupt the flow'. Like watching a scene in nature, holds breath. Tsukasa wants to see Hanako's earnest reaction with no tampering.

Mmm but i think it really is very satisfying to watch, as Hanako enters a trance, like eyes wide and completely still as her hand trails lower, reaching between legs.

'aha wow, i could never…. aha. oooh. but how convenient, amane is so receptive like this…'

the fun vibe in the room that hanako is perhaps a leetol triggered. triggered lite.

つ：nene-chan is sooo impressive… he's a good boy, he knows talking may jar her out of this, he can't cheerlead without risking breaking the mood. A good boy with a sleeve over hims mouth. drooling into it quietly. I too would like to see cock touched while this is the vibe

あ：🤤thank you nene-chan…. for letting me see this

つ：he is a little triggered, yet…. unable to react to it appropriately and knowledgeably, because it is Nene….. Yashiro! It's… accosting, in a different way.. he doesn't… know? feel ? anything about shoving her off….

あ：It's much like how on the roof , the uahh, the misfiring… I think it's just a strange mental space, it's familiar and yet….

つ：I think Nene given any power is good at running with it, once it works…. I think girl could ask him questions and try to stoke him to tell her what he'd like, keep rubbing his tummy , at his belt… trace the belt. Sortof improvise and improve on Tsukasa's methods… Tsukasa stays above the belt…. but she can, ah, do the little finger-tracing and delicate touches, but here… looping around the buckle, lightly fiddling with it, jingling it… the sound of the metal clicking against metal makes Hanako anxious, but it's not actually being unfastened yet..

anxious. and also. sick. fidgeting a lot. FIDGETING !!

あ：I do think she takes to it well. it simply… feels good to wield… It is undeniably satisfying to have someone like Hanako being wide-eyed and pleading, trembling… Ah you love normie girl tbh just due to the sheer, like -- a girl who hasn't gotten a taste of many concepts. but organically she can just feel like hanako looks very sweet like this and in need of her help, ohh… let me take care of it…….. …… 🤍

つ：what I would actually love to happen is Hanako to come thru his pants

あ：Yes . ooh. I think it is unique when he is pre ejac… as someone whose problem is usually being too constipated to relax and just let loose. more prone to being suspended in sensations for a while

つ：while she is asking him what he'd like…. what he needs… if he can tell her… its like his brain crystallizes, the, phrases, like, suck me off, JERK ME OFF, SUCK ME OFF SUCK ME OFF!!!! SIT ON MYCOCK JERKMEOFF and just having those thoughts and barely stuttering is… it. can't conceptualize it without, losing it

あ：Oh it's like your brain is overwhelmed to conceptualize things happening while you feel like this. so heart racing blood rushing head fogged I'm already so horny i feel sick i cant. fhgh f….

つ：the triggered state… combined with being asked to form, concepts, IN this heady, dizzy, hazey state, visualizing his own voice asking….

あ：… tsukasa uncontrollably making an utterance at the sight, like -- UOHHH.

つ：JUST SOOO SURPRISED

clasps mouth afterwards and looks around like a animal what knows it misbehaved. I think hanako would be. Face behind hands. Like Tsukasa's voice makes him jump, immediately after also being JARRED BY NUTTING feels like he was in a roller coaster mid drop. its like Tsukasa suddenly manifested into the room too. And he's got vision again feels like he's been blind for 10 minutes. Seeing Yashiro in relative clarity staring at him like :y because she can't control it

she's like y.. yyesss. fist pump

あ：a girl who just has to feel like YATTA lol…. Ehehe. 😈

つ：Hanako SHRINKING beet red. crumbling from the upright position onto his back flat covering face. closing his legs knees trying to edge to chest. moving to his side

あ：Perhaps a girl cannot help but feel like acquiring nut so quick is simply testament to skill and sheer effectiveness. i got you good

つ：but I also think amusingly he cant think like, "yashiro was acting like tsukasa" fkljkl its more like "why was yashiro acting so mysterious and different… " there is no pin dropping that it was an imitation, yet

あ：Nooo your boy is so far from it... It's just like. Why did Yashiro do.. that... sh-sheesh. wtf.....

つ：imperceptive little oaf like a-am I that into... [some sort of AV voice] Female Domination? No... why.... why did I....

あ：Is… izzat….? No. ,,,, ,f. ,, !? wouldnt i know that about myself Enters the fetal position.

つ：she pets him. … leans down to his ear… says….. I'm glad you liked it, Hanako-kun…. I want to do things that you like… ^^

あ：oh anghhhhhhhhhh the cock pain. [VISIBLY SHUDDERS AND CURLS IN ON SELF MORE.] the sheer driiipd rip drip [hides face more. clutches hat]

つ：[fear] noo i cant gmnfk i canmt do it agiamn.. I'M SICK I'VE GOT A FEVER AGAIN…

あ：[covers ear with hand… like …. DONT TALK TO ME.]

psfdhg you can just imagine nene turnign to tsukasa and being like 😜👍

つ：fdsljfdksl;f yEAA he's like TWOOO THUMBS UP!!!

あ：😝👍👍!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

つ：this silent like both nodding so vigorously. touching foreheads. jazz hands

あ：While we have a moment to ourselves.

つ：anyway I love getting Hanako to a peak difficult state so Nene can be mindbroken into being like. . .[SO ANGRY] [SHOVES HIM DOWN] [STARTS JERKING HIM OFF] [laying it on brutally as hard as she possibly can] NE, NE! AMANE, AMANE, AMANE~ [leans in close, licks his eye]

あ：Oh the. the mindbreakening.

つ：using all of my theories and observances to fucking drag you into the dirt with me, you crazy bastard, trying to ,make ME into the weirdo!! Trying to make MEEE seem like the weirdo, when im just trying to play into what YOU LIKE FDKLFJDKL!!! JUST TRYING TO BE A PART OF THINGS!!! WTF

its not FAIR tsukasa-kun can playfully imitate me, wtf we have such fun, we're so fine, this is such a normal mutual… THING, he's being so!!! URHG

あ：A girl can only take so much. It's unfair for Hanako to act like this is some perversion of hers, or that her and Tsukasa are being strange and creepy -- indeed when, the point, is, it's to cater to you. YOU, LIKE IT, I FEEL THAT YOU LIKE IT-- QUANTIFIABLY. and it's SWEET! it should be sweet that you like it idiot, I LIKE TSUKASA-KUN, he's cute and nice and loves you, WE LOVE YOU WTF. but of course we do, we all like what is going on between us, we all like each other

[furiously jerking him off… like faster than she has before ever, gonna really strangle it]

Mnh but you love the effectiveness of how much Hanako will buckle under it… especially as he's already gotten so conditioned to lean into it, mind is eager for the pleasures…

The thing is I think Nene can also feel really mad on Tsukasa's behalf, with whom she has watched be VERY BUZZING EXCITED but quiet, respectful, biting his hands watching her do things. and later talking to her about it in private, praising her for being so brave and commenting on how much Amane loved it uueeeee

つ：[kindof.. an edge to her voice, it's held in place by her]….. maybe we both like it. Are you calmer, about that…. if you don't have to be alone. [squinting, internally…. its very hard to be… confident. but, Tsukasa is a good inspiration….] you don't have to, you know….. and isn't it nice… that I'm…. trying to solve this for you…..? Aren't you…! grateful…..! [less of an efficient imitation, more of her own self… a nice transition between the tones!]

don't… you want… to feel everything… at once? … I wanted that for you….. [pauses…. licks face….]

あ：It's interesting to have Hanako in a state where he really can't meaningfully shake off anything, not in the kind of state where he can earnestly shove or pull away. I think he just cries… was already hyperventilating and wet-eyed having to hear Yashiro's voice say Amane so enthusiastically. I think the last sentence is literally too much, the idea of 'everything at once'… i think this would push him into like choking, cut off sobs. face twists and tears really stream. A… miserable groan. twists to hide face

It feeeeels so painful to be proposed the idea of 'everything'. Miserable… betrayal… why would you want me to conceptualize this…? 'everything'…. [intrinsically this is impossible to enjoy w/o trouble] [crying internally] I DON'T NEED 'EVERYTHING'! I DON'T WANT 'EVERYTHING'

つ：anyway... Nene would cry too, honestly.. the... stress. tension... buildup! feeling so distraught and pulled many ways about this all.... it's very hard to be sexually experimental...

but it's less ah, overt than Hanako's, she's still functional and continuing, whereas I think he's quite... overwhelmed, physically, in so many ways...

あ：Surely feels defeated to be taken away from her cloud She did just think she got to win like.. smooth sailing, just doing it good and winning yay Thinking it was just buckets

つ：its a good state to be rambling, and self-supporting, despite Hanako's breakdown… still rambling…. like.. I felt so good about myself… I felt like I was solving something. For you

there's something you're holding back… I can tell. I feel like. I'm getting through it…. [still jerking him off]

you sometimes look like ….. …. it feels so good, that you feel bad…… it's………!!!! [SQUEEZING EYES SHUT] HOT….!

あ：utterly terrifying things to hear. i think it would really make him feel cleaved for a second. when an accusation simply lands

つ：IT'S HOT… SO I WANNA DO IT!! [somehow. faster. eyes closed]IF IT NOT FOR YOU, THEN IT CAN BE FOR ME…. SO THEN, ENDURE IT MAYBE…?? [this isn't like tsukasa-kun at all anymore I've lost the plot, help]]

a good state of mind to move to sit on it… a good frame of mind to ride a boy. following her heart's song

tsukasa in the doorway neither of them have noticed, licking an ice cream cone: o: wow cool things happening in here. licks ice cream

あ：[clawing own face, peering at her through slits of fingers, eyes squinted in pain]

…. despite how overwhelming, i think they've actually been training hanako to be better at sustaining himself during this state, so he isn't nearly as shut down as the first time. it's like ahh, going from being unable to survive this for more than 30 seconds, to like, being able to keep his eyes trained on Nene as she moves

You're just getting so acclimated to this kind of mental state. mnnn being ridden… goooood sensation to overlay

つ：riding… getting breathier, a bit… calmer, in a sense… maybe tranquil is the word….. I can see…. why Tsukasa-kun… goes on…. abbbout… d. desire…. you….. you make it so…! R.. rare… for all of us …. so we're…. … [embarrrasssiing…] …. d. desperate!!! maybe its… your fault, he's like that…. ['like' 'that']….. maybe I…! Get it now!

あ：Ouhm give a guy vertigo. bbbut i think- i think it's like, Hanako is finally capable of managing a reply in this state. for once. swallowing, then speaking hoarsely.. "Y. You." mouth twinges. "You sound. Crazy." arching spine, tilting head back, rubbing face. hands sliding down throat and chest and clutching at her dress.

"You can't want. everything."

Yyyyou can't really. Want. Everything!!! [fucking… my brain is inflamed thinking about how 'everything' relates to. MURDER.]

つ：oh he cant control that feefee. that everthing encompasses his. kill you brain

あ：[WE KEEP THESE THINGS PARTITIONED FOR A REASON YOU SHOULDN'T CROSS CONTAMINATE ACTUALLY….] [YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM AFRAID OF-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

つ："You make me crazy." teeth firmly together… "you make me want everything."

あ：head gets thrown back, thok. GROANS… claws at her thighs. like nononono don'ts ay thaaat hhghh.g.ghh… reflexively, rolls his hips up into her, first contact really pushing up against, meeting her motions. Feels like he cannot see straight.

"You c… an't. You can't want that."

… it all continues to reverb through his skull though like ahshghdf…. cannot control self from wanting to move more fervidly in response. its just liek ahhfh hhhg i fuck

つ： girlish whines…. feeling a little victory, finally, a relief, a little less coiled tummy to feel him return it, despite what he's saying… "N-not, it's not fair! you want me to be obsessed with you-- COMPLETELY obsessed with you-- and-- and and yet there's-- there's a too far?"

Tsukasa's voice, from above.. standing "Amane… it's not fair!" [imitating Nene…!] she nearly jumps out of her skin though [griffin seeing his creations again after tabbing away] OUFH very feet at either side of Amane's head lol… leaning down, hands behind his back. ^^

あ：oh it's like the boss has entered its second phase …. head creaks, tilting back to look up, mouth parted. stares up towards.

hmm… i think it creates this like. hypnotized quality. like he's really suddenly in a dream… but i don't think his feeble little amane brain has fully married the concepts of being in this mental state + nene touching sexually, AND the concept of tsukasa being there. like he's been in too much of a delirium to really process the other body in the room. going… still, going quiet, just staring up at tsukasa. then, eyes darting back to nene, as if to verify that she's still there… but the point of heat where her hips saddle onto him is so searingly hot. warm warm body of hers…

つ："Nene-chan has been very brave… and honest! She's been keeping so much inside…." squats down, arms resting on knees….. Nene nods in agreement to him, embarrassed that he's. . been here. for this. but. feeling also like th-thank god… s. support. fight him with me tsukasa-kun!

"Nene-chan dreams of something more than what we have… isn't that amazing, Amane? She can imagine it even better!"

あ：hiccups sniffs

つ："Nene-chan doesn't deserve to be kept from anything….. right?" holding either side of his face in his hands… as Nene rides him, frankly just feeling his words so ssso hard, liking to listen

"You can't wall things off from her…. not if she's going to beg you like this, right? She' s saying she wants everything….. and…." a nice pause….. a breath in, out. luxuriating. "I don't mind sharing everything."

lol nene-chan can have a little murderous lust❤️ as a treat cant sheeeee lollll i think soooo

psycho to psycho communication as nene thinks this is just about boners and being horny and maybe some weird twin stuff and not. the. murder feelings

あ：the extra presence in the room is helpful.... it... strips the previous argumentive, resisting quality, leaves behind something very raw and feeble. finally not speaking on what nene can/can't feel. instead he looks up at tsukasa, eyes wide, listening to everything.... whines. "It's. Scary."

つ：interesting to her. makes her pause, feels like.. new dialogue unlocked…. progress….. rests a hand on hanako's stomach. Tsukasa nods.

"ne… ne, it is scary…." stroking his face sympathetically, in that caring lilt he can have….. "Nene-chan, is it okay if it's scary?"

she… n. nods…. kinda like. mmm… [idiot brain] mmm… Hanako-kun's passion….? i-is it… uhm… is it so intense…. doki doki "f.. feelings can be scary… I-I know… I'm sure.. Hanako-kun… has a, a reason, to… to be nervous…"

tsukasa thinking of scariness as like a category. as there involves things suchas blood and stabstab, it suits a genre like a movie or something. he isn't afraid of it himself… but it has 'scary things' in it.

あ：Ouhh… it feels like he is kind of being tricked into having some sort of session about. the murder guilt but being soothed about it with pets and gentle voice and pussy. MNMNO!!!

つ：tsukasa preempting feeling him tensing and strokes his sternum calmly a cute lil moment where nene joins and their fingies touch over Hanako…. freely rubbing him, each other…

あ：A prickle of panic… twists head back and forth. animal in a snare vibes. oh the snare though. so effective. mgh. on his end, like, clawing against nene and alternating and clawing at tsukasa's arms… tug tug…

つ：tsukasa has sunk onto his knees, through this all. "Amane… isn't it exciting…. to include Nene-chan…?" but ah, Nene makes a noise.

"isn't it…! exciting! To include Tsukasa-kun!"

… "… Nene-chan and I want what the other has………" charmed… squinty-smiling… and mouth breathing… its like a ahhhmmm… okaaayyym a good time to admit I like what she has❤️ because she is being so direct~ ….. "We want everything…." "you have…….." "to give us."

あ：Oh this is the most i think hanako has had the : RUN. instinct. it's sad but it just cannot be easy, must become kick kick kick scrabbling, trying to twist, is going to jostle Nene a bit as he does, thrashing in tsukasa's grip. It's not coordinated though… it can't be as effective as it ought to be, and is confused, like he doesn't stop gripping and pulling on their clothes…

but i think actually it'd be engaging to have to hold him firmly, nene really having to saddle with hips and tsukasa wrangling him by the shoulders

but- also- nene could feel the way his muscles tensed and cock was seizing in response to their words, directly, feels body trembling and responsive

つ：i like that it could devolve into a rape, and nene horny and involved enough and mmm receiving the intel... i likeeee

あ：Simply entering the mindset of knowing what's best for Hanako in this moment his pulling away and twisting slips him out of her a lil…

つ：in this position…. I think Tsukasa kissing him for the first time would be just sssssso decadent. Nene's so horny and. observing it, in her position, riding him…. and is really feeling so much kinship and solidarity with him, and sortof brokenhearted to have suddenly heard tsukasa ADMIT that.. he's also jealous…. in such a moment, she's just, heartache….. so seeing tsukasa go for a kiss can only feel like. 1. tsukasa knows what he's doing…. 2. this is a beautiful moment for tsukasa-kun and 3. he and I are the same, here, on opposite ends. whatever hanako is holding back, is somehow something tsukasa-kun is familiar with

I likee a period of nearly slipping out, and this being so precarious its going to happen a few times… repeatedly… but its' kinda just effectively sliding him in and out and forcing her to be unable to stay still for even a second, and bare down harder….

あ：Hm the realness of the rape… feelinggg pinned between these two and overwhelmed… flushed face, crying… Ohh but the contrast of sheer soothe of kiss, i think it's really like kfkgh .. gnmhf … [LIFTS HIPS DRAMATICALLY IN TANDEM]… . but not to escape just raising off the ground… embarr but he cannot like think. anymore. i think kiss erases thoughts

mm thinking about all the weight rested on from really grinding against base of cock…

つ：a jaw-dropping experience for Nene…. sklfjsd she's in such a sympathetic state about it all its just like-- THATS SO NICE FOR TSUKASA-KUN😭 HE RESPONDED SO HARD--!!!! good job!!! APE TOGETHER STRONG

あ：the pearl fusion icon tweeting ape together strong

つ：ape TOGETHERRRR

あ：i think it should just be swish buckets for them, like oh he's sincerely so physically horny for it, your words ARE getting into him and making him feel sick sick nauseatingly horny, he wants it sooo badly too, its killing him. START. SNAPPING HIPS. PUMPING. FUCKING!! its just like hats off to you sir and madame

つ：such a aouguhhgOHGOK FINEFINEFINEFINE SEX SEXSEX!!!!1

あ：arms scrabble like a dying roach in the air. grabs her hips and pulls her down against him harsher.

the most FFFfifnfifine fine fine fine FUCK SEX FUCK GFH FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU FUCKIGN YOU!! YASHIRO!!! !! fgh

つ：mmm nice to devolve into pumping sooo hard into nene while just making out with tsukasa…. who is like: didnt think it would go this good. kinda braindead. cumrot

tsukasa open to anything including hanako just like blasting them to the ceiling, a hubris is OK. didn't… plan… on it panning out this…. wwell…! you'd think he'd be like, heeeheehoo! but he's more like . [hollowed gourd brain]

あ：completely black circle pit eyes

つ：feeling mouth… breath lips…. very. recieving sensations. having a difficult time actually seeing them as a whole and not recieving them peicemeal. its hard to connect every bit of this situation, once he's got the….. thing. the thing…. ? its so ? [unable to congeal that it is happening]

chu…. has been this abstract lil word… like tha thought of it, chyuuuuuuu. staring so pit eyes over everything

あ：oh to get to feel… amane himself, licking teeth…. if tsukasa's brain faltering just meant that he could feel amane moving against him ardently in the interlude reciprocation…

i think also his hands alternate back and forth between them… grasping nene, then pawing back up at tsukasa's face, tugging at shirt collar

つ：very... too open mouthed, for a kiss, often... like he cant remember to keep just his lips like, together and close... so its easier and almost inevitable for amane to lick teeth. and being excited causes him to open it more and forget to keep it a lil more closed.... alternating between remembering to try to kiss and [air blowing through ears]

あ：Moe charm of simply never having kissed and also really being interested in it like a little kid. unsure of what kiss entails. while amane has, kiss protocols, has done makeouts…

つ：for nene she is just finally being fucked which has her preoccupied. but between seeing stars she likes: the visage. feels… feels like she did, a good, thing. it was good… was good girl…. this… feels like… 'it'…. crystallizing, what this should be… what it's been missing

and feeling a unique kind of elation to think tsukasa wasn't merely patient and gracious, but was a… bit envious/jealous of her….? its… nice to think it wasn't just her selfishly and greedily wanting more, but together they were both wanting something the other seemed to have access to… she no longer feels pathetic

mm yes an experienced amane and a clueless tsukasa who doesn't know practically speaking what kiss is like… so moe. another thing for nene to observe like ah kawaii…. its nice to see tsukasa… in such an, inexperienced little state….

あ：really something to spectate… watching amane be kiss thirsty and pursue it readily himself. it's like … well tfw observing hanako and being like : whore.

つ：the girlies need to bond over their whore

あ：my whore bf. who is really REALLY tonguing his brother. huuuuu... i've got you now

つ：i am going to know this forever now

あ：the score has been settled the beef done been squashed

つ：the b-- the beef [bf]

あ：wow.

and then you get to hear 💞hanako come💞 and the sound get muffled in tsukasa's mouth normal things.

つ：NEW EMOTIONS NEW OBSERVATIONS MMNNANUGHN. [calm] Hanako was right actually. I think I have a fetish

あ：Maybe so.

つ：uhhh… me likey

あ：[haughty] but I wasn't wrong. and also it is his fetish OUR fetish

つ：and its fuckin definitely tsukasa's fetish

あ：.. Oh right, I was thinking a lot of the umm… Aftermath of the threeway… For starters, the immediate physical details were alluring to think about, like… Nene slowing down movements until she stills, slumped over Hanako, breathing heavily, feeling him still inside… I thinks he feels just overwhelmingly good, physically, aha, like once the tension breaks in her mind and Hanako is soo very much reciprocating both her & Tsukasa she simply feels like good girl got what she wanted. Getting to feel the steady aftershocks and twitches, jumps, also just very…💞 wee….mmm… [rubs his stomach and chest…]

While Hanako is just like. Recovering. From being uhh a tiny bit assaulted, I imagine him very boneless feeling, head tilted back, panting… With Tsukasa still hovering close by, mouth still open and sort of… like unmoving from the kiss position, breathing heavily, staring… Hanako would be rendered rather speechless, shrunk, in the end, just laying for a long time with eyes closed, climbing down steadily from that all. I think Tsukasa and Nene look at each other like🥺 …. [rubbing him in tandem] [Tsukasa lays down to clutch his side] …. You just wait for his brain to come back. But this is so. Like try not to freakout challenge for Hanako -- because I think his brain is buzzing with hearing both Tsukasa express such desperation and insistence -- but it's like [cries] I literally can't handle being horny about it again.. calm down calm down… shhhfhg… [tries to focus on just staring at ceiling, squeezing whoever's hand is in his] … Be cool be calm be calm it's fine it happened okay shhh………. [mouth wiggles] … simply in the mindset of 'I want to survive this. I don't want to get mad at them, I don't want to cry more, I don't want to panic, I don't want to assess my feelings. I want to be empty.

… he can't help but be so troubled. BUT! i think functionally it just means he quietly requests coddling and submits to being excessively rubbed and pet. and hides his face, inhales… focuses on scents and textures instead…. And the other two just get to bask for a while.

and, like, if Nene at all tried to be like ……. ……. …🥴 … see…? ……….. was good, wasn't it. (in the tone of: you silly…) I do think Hanako would be like BITES TONGUE from making ANY sort of commentary like. i cannot incur anything by being snippy or shitty or defensive HOLD THINE TONGUE, SAY NOTHING. but this just means it forces him to have like a stop gap before retorting, like. curbing the reflexive Shut up. [looks like his mouth is full for a second, lips pursed.] [… exhales…] …………… …………. .. .[listlessly] yeah.

… uncontrollably nene has to feel kinda like :y … .. ……. agreeable Hanako-kun…. ….. .. i like him.

つ：ah its funny, that sortof… hanako organically in a state of acquiring a sort of aftercare, functionally. I like him being so bone deep troubled but bottling it up. I think nene is utterly blind, but Tsukasa is very aware this is troubling. Tsukasa is listening to his heartbeat, and petting his sweaty, twitching palm. simply enjoying it, though.

tsukasa knows this is in fact a long road to hoe, and nothing has actually been 'resolved'. Nene perceives this as finally solving something-- Tsukasa perceives it as merely pulling the blanket off the mess

あ：Definitely understands this isn't the final form of this, we're sooo only at the precipice, tip of the iceberg. We just managed to stop Amane from running successfully long enough to indulge. But Tsukasa knooows that Amane is capable of being an active participant, he's just not there yet. oh but it will be so worth it to see what he could become… [rope of drool]

The concept of Amanes that have yet to be experienced (blending impassioned murderer with direct sexual acts…) so so rich to think about

つ：its like mmm if nene-chan wishes to start this…. I am not going to stand in her way❤️ he knows she probably isn't actually ready for any of this entails… but she wants it. so she deserves to kickstart it. Tsukasa I think is even enjoying spectating Nene's pure, blithe, blissful happiness, knowing she's due for some harsh awakenings of the reality, and what it will mean to access the part of Amane only Tsukasa knows.

あ：he sees self in her. I think this increases the sheer kinship and oneness between them, to Tsukasa… and in a way, it's like, watching a version of himself that is new to Amane. Isn't that beautiful and amazing…!? If Tsukasa could be mind wiped and get to experience those parts of Amane… but also, to jump into them SO intensely, aaaah…. It almost feels like -- I wouldn't rob you of such a glorious experience, girl….

If your heart is magnetizing you here, it is because you want it, of course you do. Of course you want it so badly and would do anything for it. Of course, of course… Couldn't fathom depriving her of the experience. But Tsukasa is so "trust the process" guy , I don't think it can feel underhanded or malicious to walk Nene here. Both Amane and her deserve it…

I was actually getting a little emo thinking about, like, the mutuality of imitating & learning from one another though… I think Tsukasa is more capable of umm, thinking beyond the parameters of just 'we are two people who relate' but actually go a next layer, a maybe delusional sort of confidence lol, that they ARE the same, they feel the very same things. They want the same things. We actually are the same agents. Almost, like, being loved by Amane, and feeling the appropriate response to that (desire to submit, have everything, be his…) makes them the same. we're made of the same material. matching!!

つ：as a result, he can extremely trust the process… ah it WOULD feel like robbing nene of something to advise her against this… he would love to have the experience of directly getting to interface with the switch of amane's love and violence. in his mind he may as well be stabbed at age 4 once amane is so excited/relieved to see him again.

あ：and Tsukasa thinking of this just can only feel: that would be so awesome. I'VE already experienced my kind of slowburn and got kiwwed in da end, YOU should get to have your own experience. especially if you're seeking it out!!

#22 #ghosties #i

0 notes