#like i do it. often. i live in a very conservative part of an already conservative state.

[vamptastic]

fun playing de and having all these big revelations about communism and the human urge to make the world better, or eliminate suffering, or unfairness, or imbalances of power, or fucking whatever vs the reality of both communist movements throughout history and the modern state of communism (the game was honestly surprisingly hopeful, i think), only to go online to see people talk about the game and just seeing the exact same way people on the internet always discuss communism. can't decide if this is good or bad.

#oh the tempting spectre that is moralism... what if i never had to answer #just frustrating sometimes to think youve got it all figured out heres our key to a better future #and then you're like. trying to explain the definition of socialism to a mask off fascist on the internet. #ive had fantastic discussions with the biggest proponents of capitalism (my economics teacher lmao) #and idk i just don't know if its productive to duke it out with your friendly neighborhood facist anymore #like i do it. often. i live in a very conservative part of an already conservative state. #and i have seen people change their minds! ive seen people rethink things! but at the same time #i think in terms of idk. advancing your perspective. Getting The Answers. you should talk to people who also know what theyre talking about #better to drive myself to frustrated tears arguing with a guy with a phd in capitalism than win my smart guy points #is what im saying. i guess. this kind of got away from me

[cecilysobsessions]

PURPLE HYACINTH (m.) | zuko

↬ word count: 12k

↬ fem!reader, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, “where is my wife?” line, zuko falls first and falls harder, reader & zuko are adults, some parts are from zuko’s pov

↬ summary: being the daughter of a powerful governor in the fire nation, you are married off to the new fire lord zuko. to the public, the two of you are madly in love. behind closed doors, you and zuko can’t stand each other. but you can fuck each other

↬ genre: fluff / smut smut smutty smut smut

↬ warnings: reader & zuko hate each other in the beginning, reader gets poisoned, assassination attempt, zuko likes being choked, oral sex (m.receiving & f.receiving), zuko is a slut in the bedroom, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, swearing, typos

↬ a/n: waiting on season 3 live action zuko glow up 🤞

m.list

•••

“Tell me again,” Zuko breathes into the kiss.

“What?”

“Tell me you hate me.” he pulls away for a moment and waits for you.

“I hate you.”

“I love you.” he responds breathlessly, smashing his lips against yours. This time he’s impatient, kissing you like he’s running out of time or like you’re going to be taken away and this is his last moment with you.

•••

You take a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself. Was Zuko always this loud of a chewer? Seriously, in this entire large dining room, where he is sitting several feet away from you across the table, you can still hear him chewing on his stupid steak. Zuko was a loud chewer, a lousy cook, and an even lousier husband. 

It has been nearly a year since the two of you wed in an arranged marriage and you’ve hated every second of it since those stupid wedding bells went off. Your father was a governor in the Fire Nation, and often helped out Zuko with his royal duties. Him and Zuko’s uncle Iroh were good friends, and when it came time for Zuko to find a wife, you just so happen to be at the right age of marrying and available. Although you had fought and protested the marriage, once your father made a decision, he would never go back on it. Even if the decision was to marry off his daughter to the new Fire Lord.

You hated everything about being royalty. From the fancy parties and charities to all the socializing you were required to engage in with old conservative firebending weirdos, to the stupid sham wedding and fake kisses with Zuko. Sure, it was nice living in the palace and having people cook for you and dress you up in pretty clothes, but you hated everything else. You hated socializing and partying, you hated being the Fire Lord’s wife, and you hated all the dumb royal duties you were required to do. It would be a lot easier to do all these things if you actually liked Zuko, but everything about him irked you.

He may have found himself during his teenage years, but he was still easily angered and hard headed. Not to mention he was still moping around and crying about his ex, Mai. She had already moved on and found someone new, but you knew Zuko was still upset he had messed up their relationship. Even though every time you confronted him about it he denied it, you were so sure he was still hurting from it and thinking about it. The blank stares and passing looks he gave to her with a softness in his eyes he had never given you made it so obvious he was lying. And even though you didn’t harbor any sort of romantic feelings for him, it still hurt that he was looking at Mai like that and thinking of her.

From the start of his reign, Zuko wanted Mai to be his wife, and not you, for very obvious reasons. It helped that he liked her and had already had history with her, so when you showed up and people were telling him that he was marrying you and not Mai, he had blamed it on you. He knew it would be better for his duty to put his feelings aside and marry you out of convenience, but he hated the idea of marrying someone he didn’t love. Being with someone he didn’t love.

“Zuko,” you started, trying hard to keep yourself from slamming your silverware on the dining table. “Will you please stop chewing so loudly?” you ask politely.

“I’m not chewing loudly.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You can’t even hear me! You’re sitting so far away from me!” his voice echoed through the large room.

“Exactly. I’m sitting so far away from you, but I can still fucking hear you.” you emphasized, rolling your eyes.

“Well, if it bothers you that much, feel free to eat somewhere else.”

You could practically feel your blood pressure rising. “Oh please, you think I haven’t tried doing that before? Your stupid advisors won’t let me eat anywhere else because we’re married, so we should be eating together.”

“Then stop complaining.”

“Maybe stop chewing so damn loudly and I won't complain.” you sigh, angrily blowing a stray strand of hair out of your face. You were beginning to feel heated and upset. All you wanted to do was eat your dinner in peace and go back to your bedroom, but his stupid loud chewing and stupid stubbornness just had to get in the way.

A familiar silence entered the room and you took in another breath, deciding to try and quickly finish your food so that you could just leave. There was no point in trying to fight with Zuko; you wouldn’t get what you want anyway.

“Do you ever stop sighing?” Zuko asked, and you felt something snap inside of you. You stood up abruptly, the steak knife you were using to cut your food flying towards his face. You had thrown the knife at him in anger, and hoped that it would hit him. Unfortunately, his fast reaction helped him and he moved to the side, swiftly avoiding your fast knife.

“What a shame,” you pushed out your chair and it squeaked against the polished floors. “I could’ve given you another scar on your stupid face.” you began making your way towards the door.

“Maybe if you had better aim you could’ve,” he replied, calmly going back to munching on his food as your eye twitched in annoyance.

•••

You couldn’t sleep. You had spent the last half hour tossing and turning and you still couldn’t fall asleep. Irritated, you decided that you were going to take a walk around the palace gardens to help calm you. In the time you’ve spent at the palace gardens so far, you began to make an effort to learn more about the plants and flowers and their meanings. You began to find it interesting the many messages you could send to someone through flowers, and hoped that someday you’d get a meaningful message through flowers from someone. 

You had thrown a robe over your light and sheer nightgown, and headed to the gardens. Since coming to the place, the gardens have been the only place of peace for you. This was the only space that didn’t have guards wandering around its perimeter 24/7 so that you could have a little privacy. You breathed in the crisp midnight air as you opened the gate at the entrance. You had been walking around and smelling the flowers when you heard a faint voice. 

Zuko. 

“Please,” you heard him plead to someone, and you hid behind a small bush nearby in hopes to hear more of the conversation. If there was one thing you were going to do, it was snoop. The palace had so much drama going on between the staff and royal members of the family, it was impossible to keep your nose out of it.

“Don’t leave,” he continued and you knew exactly who he was talking to. Mai.

You had never heard Zuko speak so softly and gently to someone it was almost as if it was out of character for him. Or maybe he just always spoke to you with such hatred and annoyance.

“No,” you heard her reply. “Is this seriously what you called me out here for? Get a life, Zuko. I’m leaving.”

Wait, that was it? That was everything she was going to say to him? You quietly chuckled to yourself; Mai sounded so over it and annoyed you were almost embarrassed for Zuko. When you saw her leave the gardens, you noticed Zuko sit on a nearby bench. Smiling to yourself, you took the opportunity to poke fun at him and make him feel bad. Who cares if it’s mean? It made you happy, and that’s all that matters really.

“What a pathetic loser,” you stepped out from your hiding bush and he turned to face you, his face furrowed in anger and annoyance. 

“What are you doing here?! Did you overhear all that?!” his voice was back to his normal angry tone.

“Not all of it, just the end.” you sat down next to him. “What, were you begging for her to come back to you? Begging for her to love you again? Oh you poor thing, maybe if you weren’t such a horrible boyfriend, she wouldn’t have left you.” you teased arrogantly, looking up to watch the moon.

“You don’t know anything about love.” he grumbled. “You threw a knife at me during dinner. And that’s not what I was doing. I wasn’t asking her to come back to me.”

“Uh huh. I wouldn’t have thrown a knife at you if I loved you. I did it because you deserve it. And anyway, what would people think if they saw you and her together?”

“Nobody saw.”

“Oh, but I did.”

“You’re a nobody.”

“I’m a nobody?” you laughed sarcastically. “As far as everyone knows, I’m the Fire Lord’s wife. What would people think of you if word got out that you were meeting your ex-lover in the middle of the night even though your first year marriage anniversary is coming up? Imagine what people would think and say about you…” you trailed off, you were sure he got the message. 

You weren’t warning him of his careless actions because you cared about him, but because you cared about yourself and yourself only. If this did come out and people would start gossiping, the people would start pitying you and feeling bad. You already didn’t like that you were only known as the Fire Lord’s wife, so you’d feel even more annoyed if you were known as the Fire Lord’s poor wife who got cheated on.

He was quiet, which meant he knew you were right. Although you and Zuko never got along, he knew when to admit defeat. And he did so with silence. After taking a moment to think to himself, he finally broke the silence.

“Why are you even here anyways? Stalker much?” he eyed your pajamas. “And you’re out here in your nightgown? Go back inside!”

“What? I’m wearing a robe, you can’t even see anything!”

“You idiot, if someone sees us, they might think we’re fucking in the gardens.”

“HA! Please, I’d rather jump off a cliff than fuck you. And if you’re so aware that anybody can see us, you should’ve taken that into consideration before you brought your ex here. Dumbass.” you stood up, quickly turning away from him and walking away before he could say anything.

Zuko’s eyes followed you as he watched you step away, his eyes dropping down to the slight sway of your hips as you walked. “Pfft,” he said to himself as he rolled his eyes. “She walks so arrogantly.” he whispered before forcing his eyes to look somewhere else.

•••

It was that time of the year again. A stupid Fire Nation festival called Sparring Day, or whatever. Essentially, it was just a festival where the best firebenders of the nation put on a show and play with fire and pretend to fight each other for charity. The proceeds for the tickets went to charity and although that was the only part you liked about it, you dreaded going. Sure, this was the first time you were attending as a member of the royal family, but you still hated when your parents dragged you to the festival every previous year. Aside from the charity part (the only good part), it was mostly just a bunch of old lame shirtless dudes throwing fire at each other.

This year though, was different. It was Zuko’s first year where he participated in the festival himself. You thought the festival was supposed to be for the best of the best, so why the hell was Zuko going to be in it? Sure, the original benders of Fire, the dragons, passed down the way of firebending to him and Aang, but that didn’t mean he was good, or whatever. He still sucked ass, in your opinion. Maybe you’re not one to be saying this since you’re not a bender, but you were Zuko’s number one hater.

You were sitting on the stands in the audience with the Avatar and his friends, frantically fanning yourself. The sun was practically cooking everyone alive, but they still went on with the stupid festival.

“LOOK!” Sokka exclaimed excitedly, frantically pointing at the stage below. “They’re setting up dummies for Zuko to burn!”

“I hope he misses.” you roll your eyes, fanning yourself as you wipe the sweat from your forehead. 

“Aww, don’t say that! That would hurt his honor.” Toph jokes, earning a laugh from everybody. You quietly smirk to yourself in response; people’s eyes were on you, so you had to act elegant and proper, like the palace ladies always tell you to do.

The blow of a horn signifies that the show is starting, and you see a lineup of several fire benders enter the stage.

Shirtless.

Including Zuko.

Your seat is high up above the stage, so you can’t see many details, but your eyes unconsciously check his body out. You knew Zuko was fit and lean, but you had never seen him shirtless. Aside from dinner or public events, you and Zuko almost were never in each other’s presence. You don’t even sleep in the same room, so you had never seen him shirtless.

You force yourself to look away from him; he wasn’t the only shirtless fire bender on stage after all. As the event begins, you watch the men perform a form of fire bending—what you assume to be the Dancing Dragon, and people begin to holler and cheer. You look away and doze off; you’ve seen this a million times in previous years. When they finish, an announcer starts speaking, and almost immediately brings everyone’s attention to you up in the stands.

“Where is she?! There she is!” he points upwards at you, and your heart stops for a second. 

“Doesn’t everyone want to see Fire Lord Zuko perform up close and personal for his beautiful wife?!” he asks the crowd, and everyone cheers. 

“HELL YEAHHHH!!!” Sokka screams, and you smack his arm. 

“OW! Come on, don’t you want to see him up close in all his fire glory?!” he asks you, his eyes lit up with excitement. 

“Not really.”

“BRING HER DOWN!” Sokka yells back at the announcer and the crowd hollers again in amusement. 

You purse your lips together in irritation. You know Sokka wants to see you in misery, so you make sure to step on his foot on your way down from the stands, smiling to yourself as he yells in pain.

It’s a lot hotter once you get down to the stage. There’s no cool shade you can sit under and the flames from the torches and other benders make it even hotter. The announcer drags a chair for you to sit on center stage, and Zuko comes up to stand beside you. 

You try not to look too much or make it obvious, but out of the corner of your eye you watch him struggle to catch his breath as he stands there—shirtless and sweaty. His abs are so beautifully defined and it’s obvious the work he’s put in to achieve that. His pecs are glistening in sweat and the sun rays are shining so brightly on him like he’s some God. He runs his hands through his long locks of hair, messing it up so easily but he still looks so effortlessly handsome. 

You’re staring—stop staring. Zuko is going to notice. The announcer is going to notice when he stops talking about whatever it is he’s talking about. Look away. You can’t look away. If you stare more, Zuko will notice and it will be weird. 

Stop staring.

It’s too late; he's taken notice of your gaze. He looks down, his sharp eyes bore into yours as he stares back down at you. You don’t know what he is thinking, or maybe you just don’t see it because the sun is in your eye. But he’s looking back at you almost seductively, but maybe you’re just imagining that and it’s probably just the sun. But he’s never looked at you before like this; usually he can’t hide his feelings of hatred and dislike in his eyes, but this time none of that is there. Your best guess is because the two of you are in public and he’s actively trying not to look at you that way.

“—will perform a fire bending performance he prepared in advance for his beautiful wife!” you snap back to reality, breaking eye contact with Zuko and looking back at the announcer.

A performance he prepared in advance for you? Please, what a load of bullshit that was. You knew that was just something the palace told him to say to continue to sell your cheap fake love story with Zuko.

The performance begins, and other fire benders join the stage again to show off their moves with fire alongside Zuko. Fire is dancing in the air and all around you and it feels a million times hotter and a million times more miserable because of the stupid heat. You’re not enjoying it at all, but you keep a smile on your face to fool the people. Your eyes found a way to follow Zuko’s movements: he is smooth, athletic and agile, and elegant. You had to admit he looked good fire bending, but you’d never say that. It had to be because he’s probably been practicing. It feels like a million more years until the stupid dance finally ends and Zuko holds his hand out to you to escort you back to the stands, but not before the announcer disrupts you two.

“Woah woah woah, where are you going so early?!” he stops the two of you from stepping off the stage. 

“Tell me dear,” he looks at you then gestures to the audience. “What did you think of Fire Lord Zuko and his amazing performance?”

You barely paid any attention to it. “It was amazing! I always love watching him firebend.” your response is automatic, and so is the exciting smile you put up for everyone to holler and cheer at. 

“She loved it, folks! Zuko, how are you feeling right now?”

“I’m happy she liked it, I worked hard to impress her.” His response and smile is just as automatic and fake as yours was.

“Wonderful, wonderful! Well, folks, what’re we thinking! A little kiss of appreciation between our lovely couple?”

Your heart practically drops to your stomach, and you feel Zuko’s hand tighten around yours. It’s not like you’ve never kissed him in public before, you have multiple times. But all those times were calculated and carefully planned out. This is a spontaneous kiss in front of thousands of people. Your hand feels a little sweaty, so you let go, but you quickly turn to Zuko and face him. You react quicker than him, standing on your tippy toes and tilting your chin up to give him easier access.

“Well?” you feel like throwing up. “Aren’t you going to kiss me, Zuko?” you feel yourself cringe. 

The crowd is loud, but Zuko quickly adjusts. “So eager to kiss me now, are we?” he automatically leans down and presses his lips against yours. 

Soft. Supple. Zuko didn’t think he would really feel the kiss out, and usually he didn’t, but this was the first time he noticed how good it felt to kiss you. Or maybe it was the rush of adrenaline he got from moving around. Yeah, probably that.

It’s almost as if his lips have a mind of his own and refuse to listen to him, because he’s tilting his head to kiss you more deeply and one of his hands are entangling themselves in your hair and the other is moving down to the small of your back as he holds you closer to himself. He can feel the erratic thumping of his heartbeat, fast and panicked. 

People in the crowd are yelling louder now, hyping up the two of you as you kiss and you pull away. You look at him, cheeks colored with pink and droopy eyes. He’s never had any sort of reaction to kissing you before, so why now? You figured he was blushing because of the heat; after all it was really hot.

•••

“You looked like you hated the performance,” Zuko observes out loud as he leads you back to the stands. The two of you mutually decided to go back to the stands through the palace halls instead of outside to get some cool air as a break.

“What do you think? You were front and center of the whole thing, of course I hated it.” you reply.

“Why were ogling at me then?” he looks down at you and smirks. 

Did he notice you staring at him earlier? Jesus, of course he did, you were so obvious! You do a mental facepalm, embarrassed he noticed.

“I wasn’t ogling; you just smelled gross, you were all sweaty. That’s all.”

“That’s not what I saw.”

“You saw wrong. Humble yourself for once.”

It’s quiet for a beat, then you decide to poke fun at his reaction to kissing you.

“You liked the kiss that much, huh?”

He stops in his tracks. “What? That was just for show.”

“Really? Then why were you all blushy and red?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he sounds serious. “It’s hot as hell outside, so don’t get your hopes up just because I can give the people a good kiss. It was all an act.”

You don’t know why, but you felt a little disappointed at what he said. Sure, it was true, but it still tugged at your heart a bit.

“Really?”

“Really.”

He’s walking again, but you have the absurd idea to test if what he said is true. Grabbing him by his arm, you tug him towards you with force, and when he leans down to you the slightest, you lean up to kiss him.

Zuko freezes in place. He panics, unsure of what to do or how to feel in the moment. It all happened too fast—the grabbing, the kissing, the—why is his heart beating fast? He’s unable to think, mind and heart cloudy with confusion. Why were you kissing him? And why was he kissing you back? He normally doesn’t find himself lost in kissing you, but that’s exactly how he was feeling right now. It’s like his head was empty and the only thing he could focus on was the sweet taste of your lips.

Oh, God.

Oh no. 

No.

No.

No.

Zuko was leaning into you again, but this time with more passion. It felt rushed, like he was in some sort of hurry to get as close to you as he physically could. His hands couldn’t help but hold your face, gently grabbing your chin to tilt your head into the kiss. God, your skin was so soft and felt so nice to rub. He softly moves his lips against yours, his nose brushing against yours as he continues to kiss you. It’s like his body has a mind of its own, acting on its own desires and refusing to listen to his head. He feels your hands grab at his neck, wrapping around his throat as you forcefully push him away from you.

Zuko coughs for a second, stepping back in surprise, his hand coming up to rub his neck. 

“Did you just choke me?” he accuses you.

“You did like the kiss!” you point a finger at him, a victorious smile planted on your lips. You wanted to test out and see if it was because of your kiss that he was all red and blushy, and you were right.

“What?” He feels his cheeks heat up. “No, no I did not. Why did you kiss me? Then choke me?” 

And why did he kind of like it?

“To prove my point.”

“What point?” he was still thinking about your hands on his throat.

“You liked the kiss! That’s why you were all red in the face like you are right now,” you told him arrogantly. “And I didn’t choke you, I just grabbed you by the neck to push you away. Why, you got a thing for being choked?”

“No!” Maybe. “That’s absurd.” I wouldn’t mind trying it out. “Let’s just go.” 

You watch him walk ahead of you, your eyes shifting from his back to the tip of his red ears.

•••

There was going to be a ball. Another stupid ball where you would have to dress up (the only fun part) and socialize with nobles and other random rich people. Sometimes, you’d fake being sick in order to skip out on these balls, but tonight was a celebratory ball for your first year of marriage with Zuko. A miserable first year. You roll your eyes, cringing at the thought that it would be like this for the rest of your life. Although you had accepted it long before the wedding, every time you thought about it, it still managed to upset you.

“Are you comfortable?” one of your maids asked you as she adjusted your dress. 

“Not really,” you had a sudden thought. “Actually, I’m feeling a bit ill…”

“You cannot skip your anniversary ball, your majesty.” she spoke. She knew exactly what kind of excuse you were trying to pull.

You roll your eyes in annoyance. “Fine.”

As your maids finished dressing you up, you were instructed to meet Zuko before the ball so that the two of you could arrive together. Your maids walked you to the entrance before the ball, where you saw Zuko standing there alone waiting for you. 

“Took you long enough,” he complained.

You looked towards the door, the loud music making its way through the closed doors. “Well at least I look good. You, however, look like you just rolled out of bed. As usual.”

He ignored your sarcastic comment. “Look, tonight we need to act in love, so none of that attitude you always give me.” 

“We’ve been doing this for a year now; I think I know how it works. And anyway, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to act in love with me.” you lectured him.

“A part of my soul dies every time I have to kiss you or even look at you lovingly.”

“Please, what soul?”

As Zuko looked down at you to respond, one of his advisors stopped him. The two of you looked behind you to see Jia, a frail elderly woman Zuko often sought out for advice.

“Ahem, um, maybe it would be better to separate the two of you for now. Fire Lord Zuko can enter first,” she then turned to you with a sweet smile. “We’ll just have you enter from the top of the staircase into the ballroom when it begins. Everyone’s eyes will be on your beautiful gown then.”

•••

Zuko was chatting with a couple nobles about the cabbage market, pretending to be engrossed in their conversation to kill time, but he was really just dozing off and staring into space. If there was one thing he had in common with you, it was that the two of you disliked ballroom parties. When a musical horn went off to call the attention of all guests, he looked towards the top of the staircase where he knew you’d be entering.

“Everyone, please welcome Fire Lord Zuko’s wife!” someone chanted, and people began to clap and cheer.

He watched you emerge from a door, only to notice that you had changed your appearance. Your dress was more casual, you were wearing shoes that looked more comfortable, and you had left your hair down. 

Perhaps it was the alcohol he had been sipping on, or the loud music, or everyone cheering and clapping at the same time, but for once since meeting you, he felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of you. Your skin was glowing and your hair was so perfectly bouncy and lucious it was difficult for him to look anywhere else. It was as if there was nothing and no one else to look at but you. He felt the thump in his chest and was unable to focus on anything else until he had been staring for too long and you were already in front of him.

She looks beautiful… for once. That’s new.

He was admiring your beauty again, sharp eyes focused on your face, noticing all the details on your face, details he had never noticed before. He was sure you probably thought he was glaring at you, but really—he was in awe. He had never seen you look so comfortable in something the palace ladies dressed you in. 

His eyes were practically glued to your figure and he was having trouble snapping himself out of the sort of trance you put him under. He was feeling weak in the knees and could feel himself unsteady, you looked beautiful. Too beautiful.

Beautiful wasn’t even a good enough word to describe how stunning you looked. Ethereal, ravishing, alluring, bewitching—none of these words were enough to describe your beauty. None of them did you justice. To him, your beauty was thousands of times more beguiling than the flowers in the palace gardens you spent all your free time looking at. If he were to choose to either look at you or the flowers for an eternity, he would choose you. 

And God, did he hate that. He hated the way he was looking at you right now. He hated the way that he knew he couldn’t even hide how attracted he was to you. He hated the way he couldn’t even find the right words to describe how beautiful you looked, he hated how he couldn’t pull his eyes from you no matter how hard he tried, and he hated the way that you didn’t even know how beautiful you are.

“Zuko,” you bowed politely, and his eyes couldn’t help but follow you as you moved.

He snapped back out of your trance and shook his head. It had to be the alcohol. He probably had too much and that’s why he was feeling shaky and nervous, not because his jaw almost dropped seeing how breathtakingly beautiful you looked. He blamed the alcohol. There was no way he would feel this way if he were sober. He was tipsy. He had to be.

“You look nice,” he began, knowing everyone’s eyes and ears were on the two of you. I can’t take my eyes off of her.

“That’s it?” he watched you fake a chuckle. “I’m not beautiful?” If he didn’t know your real personality, he would’ve believed your fake laugh and fake smile you had plastered on your face right now. 

“You look beautiful as always,” he replied. Has she always been so pretty? Normally he would’ve felt himself cringe and had the urge to vomit calling you attractive, but this time he said it as if he actually meant it. He did mean it. 

Had to be the alcohol.

He felt you grab hold of his arm as he led you to the center of the ballroom and prepared to dance. As the guests formed a circle to watch the two of you dance, suddenly he felt a rise of panic in his chest. Normally he was used to people’s eyes on him and normally he was used to dancing with you and not making a big deal of it, but something about tonight was different.

It was the fact that you looked more like yourself when you had chosen to wear something that you felt more comfortable in and the fact that you wore your hair down which you almost never did in a ball for reasons he didn’t know and the fact that because you were so comfortable, your confidence was through the roof and he found himself drawn to that.

You feel Zuko’s hand snake around your waist as he pulls you in closer to him, your face dangerously close to his as you look into his amber eyes. It was like his eyes were drilling holes into yours: he was looking at you so intensely and with so much conflict swimming in his pupils if confused you. Was he mad at you or something? If he wasn’t, why was he looking at you as if he was and why was he gripping your waist so firmly like you were going to run away or something?

Your hand came up to rest on his shoulders, and on cue, the two of you began a waltz to the instrumental music. The two of you flowed so easily to the music, swaying with passion and chemistry. You lean in closer to him, knowing the guests would think you both are close and in love. You watched everyone’s eyes on you, admiring and watching as you know people thought you and Zuko were head over heels in love with each other.

Unlike how the two of you usually dance, Zuko began to feel stiff and tense, and you wondered why that was. This dance was no different than any other dance, so why was he acting like this?

You tilted your chin upwards to get closer to his ear so that only he would hear what you’re saying. “What’s wrong with you?” you whisper. “Why do you feel so stiff?”

“I’m not stiff,” he muttered passive-aggressively. He shuddered at the feeling of your hoarse whisper against his ear. 

“Relax a little, Zuko, everyone’s watching.” you warned him and assumed he forced himself to relax because he loosened his grip on you and was able to finish the dance with no more issues.

After your dance with him, you speed off to the refreshments in need of a drink and left him in the dust. As you pop some chocolates in your mouth, your eyes watch the crowd. You’re scanning faces when your eyes meet a familiar pair of golden eyes.

Zuko. 

His eyes bore into yours from across the ballroom. Though people walk across your line of vision and break your staring contest with Zuko, his eyes stay on yours, watching you. 

No. Admiring you. Almost longing for you. Zuko’s gaze softens, eyes filled with tender love, and for a mere second you think he might actually be in love with you.

You can’t help but stare back. Why was he looking at you like that? Did he hate dancing with you so much that he had to throw you a death stare? 

Although you question why he’s looking at you with so much passion, your heart can’t help but skip a beat. It feels like it’s about to leap out of your chest. It’s making you nervous. He’s making you nervous.

Zuko is making you nervous.

His eyes are still on you, watching your every move and even though people are trying to talk to him, he’s ignoring them. It was as if you were the only person in the room and he was begging for your attention with his eyes. 

You are the first to break eye contact.

Displeased with the bland tastes of everything, you looked around and noticed a waiter walking around with a tray of drinks. Waving him over, you grabbed a glass from him and downed it. It was sweet and carbonated, something you’ve never tasted before. As you turned to him to grab one more, you noticed the waiter was already gone. Shrugging it off, you turned to the desserts to eat. You were in the middle of tasting a chocolate when Mai came up to you.

“What’s up with Zuko?” she asked, popping a cookie into her mouth and leaning against the table of food.

“Did you see how stiff he was?” you asked her, sneaking a look back at him, but he’s nowhere to be found. You and Mai had become friends sometime after they had broken up and she was one of the few people who gave you comfort after you were put into this arranged marriage with Zuko. It was something small, but something you thought about often and were extremely grateful for.

“Yeah, it was painful to watch. These people are stupid to not realize that.” she watched you, eyes darting around your face to read your expression. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

Her eyes started to grow in worry as she looked closer at your face. “You look, I don’t know. Hot and red. Not the good hot. The ‘you’re heating up’ hot. Are you sick?” she held the back of her hand to your forehead. “Oh my God, you’re heating up! It feels like you have a fever!”

“What?” you questioned, patting your cheeks and neck. You were burning up. “Oh shit,” as you were heating up, your eyesight began to blur and your head was getting dizzy.

“Hey!” you heard her start to yell, but her voice sounded faint. You struggled to stay on your feet, wobbling as Mai grabbed your shoulders to stabilize you. You looked around the room and Zuko was nowhere to be found. Everyone began to stare at you and ask if you’re okay, but everyone’s voices including Mai’s were becoming more and more faint and harder to hear. You tried to stay on your feet and she tried to keep you upright, but you couldn’t help yourself and it was like your body was beginning to shut down. Your vision was almost completely blurred and so was your hearing, and very soon your body shut down and you felt yourself fainting as you fell to the ground.

•••

Zuko was out of breath as he rushed through the ballroom, grabbing random people’s shoulders and asking where you were. Some people had explained in a panic that you fainted suddenly while he was in the bathroom, and that you were taken by some maids somewhere else. After he had found out you were in the private clinic in the palace, he exited the party in a rush, practically sprinting down the hallways of the palace. He felt himself functioning off his adrenaline as he ran to you in a panicked worry. He was only gone for a couple of minutes, and in those couple of minutes you had fainted? What the hell did you even do to get yourself in a situation like that? Reaching the clinic quickly, he slammed the doors open and saw his friends sitting in the lobby. 

“Where is my wife?!” Zuko asked hurriedly in a state of panic and anger. How could this happen to you? Who could have caused something like this? Were you even okay?

“Zuko, you need to calm down first.” Aang said in an attempt to pacify him. Aang swore he saw fire burning in Zuko’s eyes and steam blowing out of his nose.

“Where is she?” he brushed the Avatar off, pushing him to the side as he opened one of the doors. He burst through and saw Katara healing you as you laid unconscious on the bed. Beside you was Mai, and as soon as he saw her, he couldn’t help but shift the blame to her and glare.

“What did you do?!” he turned his anger on Mai, stepping closer to her in annoyance.

Zuko wasn’t thinking straight (obviously) and was letting his emotions dictate his words and actions. Not knowing who the cause of your condition was pissing him off and hurting him more than he wanted it to.

“What? Are you stupid? I didn’t do anything! You should be thankful! She was poisoned and fainted, and I brought her here for some privacy!”

“Zuko, Mai only helped,” Katara calmly chimed in. “If you would please stop yelling, I could heal her faster.”

“Well, hurry it up!” he snapped as his eyes looked over your unconscious body. On any other normal day, Zuko wouldn’t have cared too much about you being poisoned, but tonight was different and he couldn’t figure out why. 

The fact that someone—another human being—went out of their way to poison you didn’t sit right with him. Why would someone want to poison you and not him? He was unable to come up with a reason as to why someone would want to kill you, so he had to find out. He had to find who wanted you gone and had to figure out why. Because even though you both didn’t get along, it’s not like he wanted you dead. Even if he were the one poisoned and you’d be happy, he would never wish for something like this to happen to you; he was well aware you already hated the royal life.

Zuko felt his jaw clench in anger as he left the room, heading straight to a close advisor of his: Jia. 

•••

“Jia,” he knew she was always in the kitchens around this time at night, drinking tea. Oftentimes his uncle joined her, but not tonight.

“Hm?” she barely looked up from her tea as she stirred it calmly.

He stood there in front of her, hands in fists as he waited for some sort of reaction. You had just been poisoned in front of everyone, and this was how she was reacting? 

“Hello?! My wife’s just been poisoned, and this is how you react?! Jia, my wife—”

“I already sent out a couple soldiers to search for the culprit, and they already have a lead on him. Apparently he was disguised as a waiter when she was poisoned.” she explained, and finally decided to look up at the distressed Fire Lord. 

“I got on it as soon as it happened. Don’t worry, at this rate, we’ll have him in cuffs by the morning.” Jia’s quick action calmed Zuko’s nerves a bit, and he found himself wanting to sit with her to get himself together. 

“She changed her clothes for the ball tonight,” he told Jia after pouring himself a cup of tea. “She looked different.”

“How so? All she did was ask to change her dress and leave her hair down.”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Just less annoying, I guess.”

The elderly woman chuckled, warming her hands with her tea.

“She threw a knife at me the other night,” Zuko said to fill the silence when Jia didn’t reply. “A steak knife.”

“You two are a match made in heaven.”

He nearly choked on his tea and almost spat it out. As he coughed into his elbow, he could barely get a response out. “Match made in heaven? Jia, are you blind or something? I just said she threw a knife at me the other night! Were you not listening?!”

“You should go see her.” she spoke, ignoring his complaints.

“I already did.”

“Really?” she raised an eyebrow in response, surprised he even went to visit you in the first place. “I didn’t think you would.”

“I’m not heartless.”

“I never said you were.”

“She doesn’t want to see me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. I know for a fact she will not want my presence there when she wakes up.”

“Well, maybe she doesn’t want you there physically. But, you could send a message to her another way.”

•••

Your massive headache was the only thing you could focus on as your eyes struggled to open. The pounding had you feeling cranky and groggy. You just wanted to go back to bed, but Katara insisted you sit up in bed and drink some water. Your lips feel dry and you feel shaky and weak as you force yourself to drink something.

“How long was I out?” you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Couple days. Mai brought you here. And she brought you flowers.” Katara gestured to the vase of flowers on your bedside table. Purple hyacinths. 

You raised an eyebrow in confusion. Why was Mai apologizing with flowers? She didn’t even like flowers, and even if she did get them for you, her choice of purple hyacinths were bizarre. Purple hyacinths symbolize sadness, and asking for forgiveness.

“That’s nice,” you brushed it off; Mai probably didn’t even know the meaning of purple hyacinths. There was no need to overthink it. “Thanks for taking care of me.” you told Katara, looking up at her and seeing her eye bags. How long has she been there with you?

“No problem, get some rest.”

“You should too. You look like you haven’t been sleeping well. I’ll be fine on my own. If I need anything, I’ll call a nurse.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying with you.”

“I’ll be fine,” you assured her. 

When she nodded and stood up, she made sure to tell you she’ll visit once a day until you get better. You smiled at her; Katara was such a kind soul and friend.

•••

A couple more days passed and you were no longer bedridden after those days. You could finally muster up enough strength to get out of bed and walk around. In those couple of days, you were informed that the man who poisoned you was the waiter that served you a drink at the ballroom party. Thankfully, he was easily caught by soldiers who were sent out to search for him, and he was sitting in jail now as you recovered. You were told it was some scheme to try and hurt Zuko, but jokes on them because you and Zuko didn’t love each other. He didn’t even bother to come visit you or send someone to check on you. Not that it bothered you… it didn’t. You knew that you and Zuko didn’t get along, but you still felt your heart drop a little when Katara told you that he never stopped by, and that Mai was swinging by your room more to check on you.

You already knew Mai had been stopping by, because every day since you’ve woken up you noticed that there was a new vase of purple hyacinths sitting by you. You never saw Mai drop them off herself, so you assumed she did it in the early morning while you were still sleeping. 

Even your husband’s ex-girlfriend cared more about your well-being than he did. Even though it was an arranged marriage and you and Zuko never wanted to be near each other, you probably still would have gone to see him if he was poisoned, so knowing he wasn’t doing the same for you tugged at your heartstrings a bit, but you didn’t want to admit it.

You shook your head in a physical attempt to shake Zuko from your thoughts. Standing up, you decided that you’d take a walk around the gardens for some fresh air. As you threw on a jacket, you stepped into your shoes and opened the door to leave. Stepping out from your room, you turn and see a disheveled Zuko sitting on a chair against the wall next to your door. When he notices you, he opens his mouth to say something, but he’s quiet. You look down at him, partly shocked but mostly annoyed. His hair looked messy and all over the place, he was dressed down, and he was holding a small blanket in his lap.

“What are you doing here? You look like you haven’t slept.” you tell him.

“Not much,” he weakly said, a clear tiredness laced in his voice. “I’ve been sleeping out here and waiting for you to come out.”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” you retorted, walking away and not letting him respond. 

Did he really expect you to believe that he had been sleeping out in the hallway these past couple days waiting for you? Did he think you were stupid? Sure, it looked like he was telling the truth, but you doubt he actually did it. Why would he anyway? The two of you didn’t like each other and never wanted to be around each other.

“Wait for me,” he pleaded, and started following your footsteps like a dog. “And no, I don’t have anything better to do.”

“How about running your country? Did you forget you’re the Fire Lord?” you rolled your eyes and made your way to the gardens as he followed after you. 

Why was he still following you? Why was he acting like he actually loved and cared for you? It confused you and made your heart ache and you didn’t want to be around him. It was just too confusing and too much for you right now.

The gardens were empty like usual, so the only noise was your footsteps against the gravel and the chirping of the birds in the early morning. But of course, Zuko’s stupid loud footsteps just have to follow in your direction and ruin the entire mood.

“I couldn’t focus on anything else.”

You didn’t reply, instead choosing to walk faster in an attempt to shake him off. It was so obvious you didn’t want to be near him, so why wouldn’t he just take the hint and leave? You weren’t fully healed, so you were growing tired as you began walking in the garden’s maze in hopes to lose him. 

“Fuck off.”

You felt your heart beating faster because you were feeling weak and tired again, but you ignored it and kept going. You didn’t want Zuko to bother you anymore. He calls your name once more, and his voice sounds faint so you know you’ve already begun to lose him in the maze. 

Turning a corner to catch your breath, you grab your chest. Your vision was becoming hazy and it was hard staying on two feet. It was like you were poisoned again once more and you felt yourself wobbling and struggling to even stand. When Zuko calls your name again, it’s because he’s catching you as you fall to the ground.

He’s yelling your name again, but this time you can barely hear him and his face is becoming more blurry as the time passes. He’s shaking you and yelling your name, but your hearing is clouded and you feel yourself fainting in his arms, your eyes closing shut against your own will.

•••

When you awaken, the only sound in the room is the cackling fire by the bed you’re lying in. Except it’s not your bed. Sitting in a chair and half lying on the side of the bed is Zuko, sleeping soundly. You sit up and look around, the curtains are drawn so it’s almost completely dark in the room except for the fire going on the other side of the room. 

It’s Zuko’s room. 

You had never been in his room, but you could tell it was his from the portraits of his uncle and mother and a nearby wall and his dual swords sitting above the bed on the wall. Looking at his bedside table, you eye a book sitting on it.

Flowers & Their Meanings

Zuko reads? 

You grab the book, noting a corner of a page folded in, and you flip to it. The page is titled ‘Purple Hyacinth’ and below was some written information on it. Your thoughts run back to when you had first awakened after being poisoned, back to your conversation with Katara.

“How long was I out?” you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Couple days. Mai brought you here. And she brought you flowers.” Katara gestured to the vase of flowers on your bedside table. Purple hyacinths. 

You raised an eyebrow in confusion. Why was Mai apologizing with flowers? She didn’t even like flowers, and even if she did get them for you, her choice of purple hyacinths were bizarre. Purple hyacinths symbolize sadness, and asking for forgiveness.

No.

There was absolutely no way it was Zuko that brought those flowers to you. Katara said it herself that Mai brought those flowers. You did think that it was weird for Mai to bring you flowers since she hated them, but Zuko? He hates you, and you hate him. So why on Earth would he bring you apology flowers? It didn’t make any sense.

“You saw the flowers?” 

You flinch in surprise, shutting the book and setting it down on the nightstand. Zuko is awake now, and sits back up in his chair. Crossing his arms against his chest, he silently and awkwardly avoids your eyes.

“That was you?” you stare at him in disbelief.

“You think Mai would give you flowers?” he stares deeply into your eyes, and you have the urge to look away.

“That’s what Katara said.”

He sighs. “I told her not to tell you about them.”

“Why?”

“I thought you’d hate it if I visited, so I sent flowers instead. I told Katara to say it was someone else.”

Actually, you thought the flowers were sweet, but that was because you thought they were from Mai and not Zuko. You and Zuko never got along well, so why would he give you flowers? It didn’t make sense at all and was confusing you. Why was he so worried when you got poisoned and why has he been following you around like a lost puppy since you woke up? 

“What is wrong with you?” you said without thinking.

“Huh?”

“You wait for me to awaken after being poisoned, you read a book about flowers to pick the right ones to send to me, then you won’t stop following me after I wake up? What the hell’s going on with you, Zuko? What happened to trying to get Mai to love you again, huh? What, now that you know you can’t have her, you’re paying attention to me now, is that it?” you were starting to feel furious, mostly out of confusion, but sadness as well. 

The sudden shift in Zuko’s attitude had you feeling lost and had you questioning how you felt about him. Since you had gotten married, you didn’t enjoy being his wife, so now that things were changing, you were questioning why that was. 

“No, stop. That’s not the truth at all. That’s far from the truth.”

“You’re a liar.” you stand up, stepping from his 

warm bed sheets as you walk towards the door. He quickly catches up to you, closing the door with his hand from behind you. He’s standing close to you, too close you can feel his breath tickle the back of your neck.

“Let me explain.”

You take a deep breath, debating if you wanted to hear him out. 

“Please,” he begs you, his voice small and careful. It was as if he was walking on eggshells around you. When you react with nothing but silence, he takes it as a cue to continue.

“Things have changed, okay?” he tells you, and you turn around to look up at him and face him. 

You’ve never been so up close and personal with Zuko, not like this anyways. He smells clean, and you eye his loosely tightened robe—it’s not covering his body entirely. His chest is slightly exposed, heaving up and down as he nervously tries to control his breathing around you.

“Oh yeah? How so?” you keep your eyes trained on his chest, because if you look into his eyes, you might just give in to him. 

“I know we’ve had our differences—” he begins.

“I never wanted to marry you.”

“I know, I felt the same way. Well, I did. I feel… differently now.”

“Different?” you look up at him with a glare, a hidden anger suddenly starting to rise to the surface the more you stare into his dumb pretty eyes.

“Listen, I never wanted to marry you either. And when we did get married, I hated it. I know you did, too. But I don’t know, recently—recently things have changed. In a good way. I don’t know if I’ve always felt this way, maybe I have, but I can’t help but be drawn to you. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. I thought I was insane. Because it’s like, every time I see you, I can’t help but fall for you. I can’t help but stare at you and I can’t help but want you.” 

Zuko speaks with such honesty and passion there is no doubting his words, and that’s what pisses you off. It takes getting poisoned for him to realize he’s in love with you? Where the hell did that even come from?

“I hate you.” is all you can say, because you don’t know how to feel. You’re lost and confused and you don’t know how to handle it.

“I know you don’t,” he speaks softly, his hand coming up to tilt your chin upwards.

His eyes look like a brighter shade of his stupid golden eyes, and he’s staring into your soul so intensely it makes you shudder.

“I do. I do hate you.” you whisper, your voice shaking and unsure. God, you probably sounded like an idiot.

“Oh yeah?” his tone is mischievous as he leans in closer, his eyes lowering to your lips.

“Yes. I hate everything about you.”

“Say it again. Tell me you hate me.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you.” 

Zuko leans in quickly, his lips meeting yours in an instant. You hesitate for a moment, relishing in his soft kiss. It’s like time froze all around you and all you could think of was Zuko’s lips on yours and his large and soft hands coming up to gently stroke your cheeks.

His kiss is so innocent and sweet it pisses you off knowing how good he is at kissing. He leans into you, just barely pressing his chest to yours, and you can feel his heartbeat quicken. One hand is in your hair, combing through the soft strands as his other hand holds your waist, directing your body to press back into his. His thumb is rubbing at your hip, trying to feel you through the fabric of your clothes and suddenly you have the thought and urge to rip it all off so he can feel you up as much as he wants.

“Tell me again,” Zuko breathes into the kiss.

“What?”

“Tell me you hate me.” he pulls away for a moment and waits for you.

“I hate you.”

“I love you.” he responds breathlessly, smashing his lips against yours. This time he’s impatient, kissing you like he’s running out of time or like you’re going to be taken away and this is his last moment with you.

His head tilts to the side, the hand that was in your hair moving to grab you by your chin, easily directing you to open your mouth into the kiss. He licks into you, desperate for more as he kisses you harder, like some starved man that hasn’t had a meal in forever. His chest is heaving and you feel the hand on your waist wandering the curves of your body, desperate to feel your bare skin.

You push him away from you slightly, but only because you’re out of breath and need a moment to process what just happened.

Zuko kissed you. And you kissed him back.

But he did more than just kiss you. He made you feel something. He made you want him back. Something you never thought he was capable of. 

“What about…” you start, unsure if you should say what you’re about to say. 

You either have no talent for hiding your thoughts, or Zuko knows you well, because it’s as if he’s reading your mind because he finishes your sentence for you.

“Mai?”

You nod silently. You always thought she was the one for him, after all up until a while ago he was trying to get back with her.

“Things have changed,” he starts. “Actually, they’ve been changing for awhile. And it’s not what you think.”

Please, did he really think you would believe that? “Okay, then explain calling Mai to confess your love to her again in the gardens.”

“That day in the gardens,” he explains as he leads you to sit on his bed with him. “I didn’t call her out to confess to her. I wanted to see her to ask about you.”

Your eyes narrowed at him; you didn’t believe anything that was coming out of his mouth. 

“I know you two are close, so I wanted to ask her for advice because I was already falling for you. But she was calling me a dick for bothering her so she left.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looks stunned. “You wouldn’t have believed me even if I explained it to you, so it didn’t matter.”

He’s right, you would’ve thought he was a liar and you probably would’ve called him a liar like you did five minutes ago.

“So… you’re not still in love with her?”

“No.”

“You’re telling me you’re not hopelessly, desperately, absolutely blind in love with her that you can’t do anything else or think about anyone else?” you tease in one breath, your heart feeling lighter.

“No, but do you want to know who I’m actually hopelessly, desperately, absolutely blind in love with that I can’t do anything else or think about anyone else?”

“I wonder who it could be.”

“Why don’t you take a guess.” he teases, leaning over you, sharp eyes watching your every move.

“I don’t know.” you do know.

“You don’t?” he chuckles, leaning into your neck, his breath lightly tickling your skin. 

“Nope.”

“Would you like a hint?” His voice is so deep and sultry you’re practically trembling at how sexy he sounds.

“That’d be nice.”

“Well, the woman I’m in love with is fucking crazy,” Zuko begins, his hand coming up to stroke your thigh. Your eyes move down to watch his muscular hands massage your inner thighs, moving closer and closer to your pussy with each firm stroke. It’s faint, but you feel yourself clench around nothing.

The veins on his hand are distracting.

“She tried to kill me with a steak knife recently,” he laughs as he recalls the memory, pulling away slightly to look at you. 

He is watching your face, trying to read and memorize your features as his eyes gaze into yours. There is a new softness in his eyes when he looks at you, unlike the usual sharp glare he shoots you when you both make eye contact.

“You’re in love with a woman who tried to kill you?” you laugh quietly, going along with whatever joke he’s making.

“Surprisingly, yes. I’m even looking at her right now. Do you know who I’m in love with now?” he smiles, his eyes curving into a smile as well.

“I might need another hint.” you answer, your eyes flickering down to his lips. You hope he will kiss you again.

He picks up on your hint, leaning in to press a quick kiss to your lips. “I’ve kissed her a couple times now. But the last couple times,” he kisses you again. “It’s like she’s laced her lips with drugs or something. I’ve become addicted to her lips in just a couple kisses.” he glances down for a second, grabbing your hand and leading it to where he wants it.

He’s hard.

He directs you to stroke him through the thin material of his loosely tied robe, his lips coming down to suck on the soft skin of your neck. 

“And in just a couple kisses,” he says again. “She’s managed to make me so hard.” he breathes against your neck. 

“You make me so hard.” Zuko whispers faintly. 

His voice sounds so sweet and sexy it almost pisses you off how much his tone is turning you on. You stroke him through his robe, feeling his hard cock underneath. You have the urge to suddenly rip off his robe, wanting to feel him. His abs, his smooth skin, his strong thighs, and his hardened dick. He lets out a soft moan against your neck, his hips unexpectedly bucking upwards for more friction. 

“You have no idea what you do to me.” he whispers in your ear, his voice a slight whine. 

“I think I have an idea.” you laugh, slightly tugging at the strings that tie his robe together. It’s so loosely wrapped around him that if you just tugged on it slightly, you would finally get to see him naked. He watches your fingers play with his robe, sensing your impatience. 

“Take it off.” he tells you, and you act automatically, undoing the knot. He stands briefly, letting the piece of clothing fall to the ground. You stay seated on the bed, your eyes practically groping his entire body. He’s so sculpted and muscular and perfect in every way it almost pisses you off.

His hardened cock springs to life, red and angry at the tip, he looks like he could cum from just a couple strokes. Your eyes make their way back to his, and he’s watching you with such an intensity in his eyes it makes you shudder in pleasure. You stare at him in awe, almost lost in his eyes you don’t notice him stroking your cheek, his voice a small whisper. 

“I love seeing you look up at me like that,” he grins, grabbing his dick as he continues to caress your cheek. “It makes me want to ruin you.” You watch him stroke himself, his pre-cum leaking at the tip.

“Then ruin me.”

He smiles a sweet smile in response, before he sticks his fingers in your mouth, forcing your lips apart before he shoves his dick into your mouth. 

He’s big, way too big and the biggest you’ve ever had, but you love it. You love how it fills your mouth and you feel like you’re going to choke and it makes you think about just how good it will feel when he finally fucks you. You’re taking him all in your mouth, desperate to hear something from him, to see some sort of reaction that you’re making him feel good. Your hands grab onto both of his thighs, feeling him tense beneath your fingertips. 

Strands of your hair fall in front of your face, blocking your view of him, so he grabs it, combing it behind your ears to clear your face. His hands grab at your head, shoving it further down his cock, and when you gag that’s when you hear it. 

A low, desperate, sweet sounding moan that makes you clench around nothing again. He bites down hard on his bottom lip in an attempt to quiet himself, but your mouth keeps sucking him in he can’t help but let out a moan of pleasure. 

“Fuck,” he groans, thrusting deeper into your mouth. Your eyes water and you rub your thighs together, anxious and impatient and wanting him to hurry and fuck you. “I love your mouth.”

He pulls out, a string of saliva connecting from your lips to his tip as he pulls his cock out. He’s visibly more turned on now; pupils dilated and cheeks red and heated.

“Your mouth feels good,” he easily grabs you by the hips to move you further up the bed. “But I bet this feels even better.” he forcefully spreads your legs with his knees and presses a hand to your clothed pussy. “For both of us.”

“It’d feel even better if you undressed me first.” you command him.

“Yes, ma’am.” he obeys, practically ripping your clothes off and throwing them behind him.

Your underwear is completely soaked, you look away and blush in embarrassment. God, did you look that desperate for some dick? Zuko seems to be infatuated with how wet you’ve become, because he leans down in front of you, his mouth hovering over your heat. 

“You don’t have to.” you tell him, grabbing his hair to stop him. 

“You’re right. I don’t have to,” he agrees, spreading your legs further so that you’re completely spread out for him, your entire body exposed for him and only him. “But all I can think about right now is tasting you.” he says before he places a kiss on the inside of your thigh. 

“You’re so wet,” he observes aloud. “I love it.” 

He leans in, his tongue sticking out to lick a strip up your wetness. He’s lapping at your pussy, licking and sucking and kissing everything it makes you dizzy. He sucks on your clit, his fingers teasing your entrance. You’re so turned on by the sound of him eating you out, you grab his hair by instinct to pull him closer to you. When he groans, you mistake it for a groan of annoyance or pain, so you let go. His lips leave your wetness for a moment, his eyes looking up to meet yours.

“Grab my hair again,” he takes your hand and entangles it into his hair again. “I love when you pull on it. I fucking love it.”

You can’t help but whimper, pulling on his roots as he moans in pleasure and you don’t know if it’s because you’re tugging on his hair or because he loves eating you out or both. Your hips are moving on their own, bucking upwards into his face as his fingers easily make their way inside you, fucking you slowly to loosen you up. 

“Ahh,” you cringe at yourself, almost ashamed and embarrassed you can’t hold yourself back. Your hands leave his hair to cover your face, heat rushing to your cheeks. Zuko pulls away from you, wiping his mouth before tugging at your hands.

“Why are you covering your face?” he asks, his hands gently wrapping at your wrists and rubbing your skin soothingly.

“No reason,” you shake your head, mortified.

“Come on now, let me see your face.” he grabs your wrists with one hand, pinning them above your head as he holds you down, his face inches away from yours.

You’re even more embarrassed and red now. You’re both completely naked and he’s situated between your legs, his cock rubbing against your entrance teasingly. Your hands are pinned above you, and the weight of his hand is holding you down, you’re unable to move. He’s watching you, basking in your embarrassment.

“I love your voice,” he assures you. 

“When you’re yelling at me,” he kisses your cheek.

“Insulting me,” he kisses your other cheek.

“And especially when you’re moaning for me.” he leaves small kisses on your jawline as his hips move against yours, his hard cock rubbing against your wetness. You’re so desperate to have him fuck you it’s almost impossible not to whine in annoyance. 

“I love when you moan. I want to hear more of it.” he says before he pushes himself into you.

“Oh,” you gasp, struggling to take him in.

“Fuck,” he lets go of your pinned hands and grabs your hips. 

“You son of a bitch,” you curse, your walls clenching down and welcoming him. You feel yourself throb around him, sucking him in as your hands wrap around his back. “You’re too big.” 

“You like it though,” he mumbles, pleasure taking over his body it’s becoming harder for him to speak clearly. He thrusts slowly, swearing to himself under his breath again. You moan as he fucks you more, your hands holding the back of his neck as he buries himself into you.

“I love it, it feels so good.” you moan, stroking his hair as his hips roll against you.

“I love you.” he tells you. 

“I love you.” he repeats, practically chanting it like it’s some sort of prayer.

He keeps whispering it into your ear, and you lift your hips, wrapping your legs around him as he continues to thrust into you. He glides in and out of you so easily it turns you on even more that he gets you so wet and ready so easily.

Your hands are busy exploring his smooth skin, feeling his neck and collarbone when he moans in your ear, his voice almost silent and pleading. 

“Choke me,” he begs. “L-Like you did the other day. Do it again.”

“What?”

“Please,” he breathes out, his eyes looking into yours, desperate and aroused. “I want your hands wrapped around my throat.”

You steadily place your hands on the side of his neck, careful not to block his airway. You squeeze the sides of his neck slightly, and as soon as you do, his eyes roll back in pleasure and his thrusts are harder. 

“Mmm,” he moans, biting down on his lips as he fucks into you. “Harder,” he demands.

The harder you choke him, the harder he fucks you. His moans grow louder and he’s practically chanting your name, begging you to destroy him as his thrusts grow haphazard the closer he gets to orgasming. 

He explodes, filling you up with so much cum it starts leaking out. But Zuko keeps going, desperate to make you finish as well. You’re no longer choking him, but your hands are instead messing up his hair and his lips are on your breasts, biting and sucking and kissing, you feel dizzy. 

His lips feel so good on your body. He leaves kisses and marks and words of his love and devotion for you it’s all so overwhelming. When he starts whispering to you how good your pussy feels and how much he loves you, it pushes you over the edge and you feel yourself clenching down on him hard as you reach your high.

When there’s nothing but the sound of your heavy breaths, all of a sudden you feel awkward. You hadn’t realized it until now, but you had been slowly falling for his stupid face and you were in denial about it this whole time.

“What’re you thinking so hard about?” Zuko hovers over your face, looking deeply into your eyes as if he’s trying to read you.

“Your stupid face.”

He chuckles, leaning down to brush his nose against yours before he leaves a small kiss on your cheek. 

“I’m in love with you.” he tells you.

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Thank you.” you say awkwardly, because you’re not good with words and you’re too embarrassed to tell him that you’re also in love with him because you would probably cringe and feel even more awkward than you do right now. 

“So… you do have a thing for being choked!” you tease when you suddenly remember him asking you to choke him.

He tenses, his eyes widening as he suddenly pulls out of you and sits up. “No I don’t!”

“If I remember correctly, you asked me to choke you! Remember? You were practically begging—”

He leans down, quickly kissing you to shut up. “I don’t remember that. And tell me you love me back.” he demands.

“Admit you like being choked first.”

“No.”

“Fine, then I don’t love you. I still hate you.”

“Tell me you love me.” he demands again, unwilling to give up.

“Tell me you like being choked.” you fire back.

He’s quiet for a moment, and that’s when you know you’ve won. 

“Fine. I do like it, but don’t tell anyone!” he glares at you. “Now you say you love me.” 

“I hate you.” you tease.

“Whatever, I still love you.” Zuko rolls his eyes, leaning in to kiss you once more.

•••

a/n: i literally added in the part of zuko getting choked after seeing a tiktok on how to properly choke someone during sex 😂

m.list

#zuko #zuko x you #zuko x reader #atla zuko #atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko smut #zuko fic #atla fic #atla fanfic #zuko fanfic #prince zuko #fire lord zuko #prince zuko x reader #prince zuko x you #fem reader #zuko x y/n #zuko fluff

[fang-toothed]

I feel like we need to talk about how increasingly poor reading literacy (in America, ofc) is causing subtle negative effects that affect daily lives and make it extremely difficult to understand arguments, analysis, data, and other content, and it is undoubtedly affecting the political sphere.

Over half of Americans 16-74 have a reading comprehension lower than 6th-grade level (source linked below). This is honestly a crisis, yet we already have so many other critical emergencies going on that it’s put on the back-burner. Many people are looking at headlines referencing studies and assuming that whatever’s put in the headline is the truth (they’re often directly against findings or based on deeply flawed studies/surveys). Many don’t understand speeches and debates from politicians (and definitely not the implications they house). In this confusing, heavily biased and illicitly-funded era of endless headlines and content, many don’t even have a 6th-grade level of reading comprehension - how the hell are they going to understand even the basics that are already from unreliable sources?

I can’t help but to think that this may be part of the reason extremist ideologies (MAGA, anti-vaxxers, cultists, TRAs) are becoming increasingly popular. Now, people need to be told what an article or survey or study means - usually by the same people who are trying to get them on their side. Every single TRA I’ve encountered has had massive misunderstandings in the very basics of radfem ideology: they believe we want to kill all gender-nonconforming people, that we think trans-identified people should kill themselves, that we are all conservatives, that JKR has outright advocated for the murder of trans-identified people.

What scares me is that we have one side with all of the anti-vaxxers, MAGA-enthusiasts, and creepy religious cults, and on the other we have the TRA movement absolutely screaming we need for trans people to be catered for in every possible public setting or we’ll “have blood on our hands.” I think anti-vaxxers and the Bible-enthusiasts are more dangerous than TRAs, but at least they are recognised as dangerous. Both sides are controlled by at least one extremist ideology. What the hell are we to do in the 2024 election?

PLEASE take a college reading comprehension course if possible. Many community colleges offer courses cheap, and if it still isn’t feasible, there are plenty of sources online to help improve your reading comprehension.

#gender critical #radblr #radfems do interact #radical feminist #radfem #radical feminists do touch #terfsafe

[determinate-negation]

as one of the foremost psychoanalysis posters on my dash i was wondering if you've heard this account of freud's early career: while treating women for hysteria he found that most of them were assaulted by male family members as children & developed psychological problems as a result (seduction theory?). but his writings on it were unpopular (especially among the wealthy men whose daughters he was treating), so he came up with the oedipus & electra complex as an alternate explanation that let his clients off the hook, instead saying that something just went wrong internally (lundy bancroft called it the beginning of victim-blaming in psychology).

as someone who knows more than i about this field, do you know if there's any accuracy to this story? it seems to imply psychosexual development theory exists to cover up traumatic events, which puts a shaky foundation under any later theories drawing from it, and people often dismiss all of freud & psychoanalysis because of it...

yes its true about the history seduction theory but im not entirely sure if it is as directly correlated to the oedipus complex as it often is thought by critics of freud, and i dont think it invalidates the principles of psychoanalysis as a whole. his correspondence with some other doctors in the 1890s are directly related to seduction theory and you can see that the issue of seduction theory concerned him a lot and he was reluctant to dismiss it but was very influenced by society at the time.

another complicating factor is that much of freuds work was preserved by his daughter anna freud, who was for the most part a conservative force in psychoanalysis both in her own practice and in how she presented his work. a lot of his letters and writings are omitted and edited because of her, including things that show his own ambivalence about certain ideas and how his relationships with other doctors and psychiatrists influenced him to take certain positions.

this article goes into it a bit and you can see the ways that anna freud has influenced our knowledge of freud and a little bit about this period of his studies. i think another thing people really miss when they talk about freud is that so much modern medicine we currently use today came from this time period as well and just as much of the "hard sciences" also came from some things that seem pretty ridiculous and unscientific to us today, and many just outright wrong, but only psychoanalysis is given so much skepticism and criticism.

this is not to defend it, freud was absolutely incorrect in many cases and, contrary to popular views of him, very aware of the limits of his knowledge and the inaccuracies inherent in pioneering any new type of medicine. this especially he emphasizes- that any new science is bound to make errors and be imprecise. freud constantly was reformulating his ideas and made many revisions to psychosexual theory throughout his life, not to mention by all the psychoanalysts who came after him. historically, its not surprising that freud and the other pioneering psychoanalysts, most of them austrian and german jews already occupying an uneasy position, were led to revise some of their more radical discoveries that appeared to threaten turn of the century european society. psychoanalysis was considered extremely shocking and obscene at the time for even venturing to say that sexuality had such a presence in peoples lives, and that people were not moved entirely by reason and rationality (as this was the era of the enlightenment and a lot of optimism about science) so sure its disappointing but not surprising that freud retracted some of his more controversial views. and likely he would not have been as successful if he did not retract them, unfortunately. similarly with some of his writings on bisexuality that seem to point to the idea that there is no natural drive towards heterosexuality and there is no natural form sexuality takes.

the oedipus complex came more from other studies and freuds own self analysis than from seduction theory (to my knowledge at least) freud actually applied the oedipus complex only to young boys initially and has some stuff (that in my opinion holds up fairly well today and is compatible with ideas of construction of sexual and gendered difference we have now) about how young girls only come to the position of seeing the father as a love object after they realize through societal and family norms they are not meant to want the mother and 'unwillingly' (this is how freud and other early psychoanalysts describe it) are forced to identify with the mother and desire the father. freud rejected the idea of a parallel electra complex for women broke with jung over this, among other things.

im very much against this idea of freud as the founder of modern misogyny or the "beginning of victim blaming in psychology." this is a myopic historiography that ignores how radical freuds approach was in comparison with psychology and medical science at the time. most physicians at the time believed that patients hysteric or neurotic symptoms were either signs of a physical organic disease or that they were consciously faking them and in control of them. (why is freud the father of victim blaming and not these doctors?) common treatment would mainly be locking them up to be studied or dubious 19th century surgeries and medical treatments. freud was one of the first to ever propose that hysteric and neurotic patients were not purposefully consciously deciding to do this but unconsciously reacting to something that happened to them, that symptoms represented a patient history that may be unknown or unarticulated to them but could be brought out by associations etc. thus that no symptoms are random or meaningless, all have some psychic significance, and it can be uncovered through analysis. this is the most crucial discovery of psychoanalysis, and although i think it was wrongly applied to seduction theory, he shows it time and again in many of his other clinical studies and interpretation of dreams, and it does not invalidate the whole of psychoanalysis

#psychoanalysis #mine

[neuroticbookworm]

*deep breath* FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Alright, I'm gonna make my case for the Bad Buddy Rooftop Kiss. This is probably gonna be the most personal I've ever been on this hellsite.

Let's get this out of the way. I loved Kinnporsche. I honestly did (even though it might not look like it since this is the second time I'm passionately campaigning against the show). I loved it so much that I made my very busy best friend, @tonysteve25 who is planning their wedding, make up the time to talk to me so I can rant for two hours about the show (no need to judge me, I know y'all are equally crazy)

I'm gonna strip the plot to the basics and then build my argument, so if I end up reiterating a lot of themes that are already discussed, apologies in advance

Bad Buddy is, at its core, a Romeo and Juliet retelling. Set in a fairly conservative Asian country, and produced by a media industry whose brand of storytelling often involves an AU-esque setting where homophobia does not exist. We are shown time and again that Pat and Pran's friends and family do not have a problem with them being in a same-sex relationship.

So the conflict comes from the history their families have with each other. As a South Asian cinephile, I've watched this trope play out so many times with heterosexual couples that I'm sure it has unwittingly become a part of my brain chemistry. Oftentimes, the reasons why the families are feuding are so over the top that every shred of relatability gets thrown out the window.

In Bad Buddy's case, the reason is kept simple, albeit childish in the beginning. A business rivalry between the two families, and as a result, the boys are also pitted against each other. This simplicity gives way to a lot of levity in the beginning, but as the story progresses, the real strength of this narrative starts seeping through. This show is relatable. Almost too relatable.

The constant pressure to outperform the other in every way, be it academics, sports, or romance; the expectation on Pat to follow his dad's footsteps and match his achievements, even in a dumb singing competition; the guilt that permeates every moment of joy they feel in their relationship, because they are always aware that they are actively disappointing their parents; the quiet, painful realization in the later episodes that they will never be accepted into each other's families, no matter how hard they try; the revelation that the root of the conflict came from a scholarship stolen from a woman, to satisfy the expectations of a patriarch.

Every statement above is the reality of so many Asians living their lives right now. I personally know couples who have been cut off from their families for over 20 years because they don't approve of their love/marriage. I have peers who blindly follow the career path charted for them by their parents because it is easier than resisting and doing something they actually like. A lot of us are left feeling unmoored and struggling to define our self worth in the real world, after we leave academia, because that is all we are ever taught: your grades indicate how worthy you are.

Now, I know not a single word above argues why the kiss is the best, but I'm getting there. Stay with me now. Many people more talented than me have argued the specifics of the kiss, the reasons why it grabbed us by our throats the first time we saw it, and why we are still on that rooftop with them. The reasons submitted in the poll describe it so eloquently, beat by beat (edit: I found out that it was witten by @tiistirtipii, here). @respectthepetty begs us not to disappoint Pat again here, @lurkingshan dives deep into the character analysis and why the kiss is the perfect culmination of narration, pacing, and the characters' journey here, @waitmyturtles explores the importance of foreplay, the 'how did we get here' before the kiss, here.

What I want to draw attention to are two things. One: how this kiss was executed in such a way that all of their deeper struggles are woven into the microexpressions, so when you rewatch the show, all of the added context makes it so much more heartbreaking.

Let's be clear here, Pat and Pran did not get a happily ever after. They did not break all of the chains that were weighing them down. Pat went on to follow his father into the business (who also followed his father into it). They have to keep their relationship a secret, with no end in sight. Even in the end, the audience is shown only a hidden, reluctant acceptance from the parents, not an open love.

Pat and Pran's relationship will always be bittersweet. And the kiss shows it. The fact that the kiss was the very last shot to be filmed is no coincidence. The actors know how it ends, they have already performed it. They also know that the characters in this moment know it too. They have lived all their lives playing their families' games, they know that if they take this leap of faith, then they are willingly giving up so many little moments in life, even something so mundane as entering each other's house through the front door. And we can see it, see all of it clearly in Pran's face. Pran, who plans every detail of his life. Pran, who is also in love with his rival for who knows how long. And then we see it in Pat's face too, if only after a moment, because that's the way he is. Pat, who has looked at Pran all his life as a rival, a bandmate, a secret friend. Pat, who is the only one who can completely understand Pran, his anger and grief and devastation, because they only have each other in this wretched game. We see his face fall, and we see confusion cloud his happiness.

This kiss is the perfect summation of their relationship, shown at the very beginning of it. They can have desire, but be riddled with guilt. They can have happiness, but only in secrecy.

Two: how this kiss did more for Asian queer representation than we can ever comprehend.

I was not present in the Tumblr trenches with y'all when the show originally aired, but I've read many, many posts about how it broke the internet. Western media often fucks up queer characters because they don't write fully fleshed out characters who happen to also be queer. They place enormous emphasis on the character's queerness, and end up writing a stereotypical cardboard cutout in the shape of a queer person. Complex queer representation is hard to come by, add Asian into the mix and the pool gets laughably small.

In the episodes leading up to the kiss, we see the characters get fleshed out, their struggles explored, but they are also deeply rooted in the middle class Asianness of it all. I know it is ironic to say that other shows from Thailand are less Asian than this one, but the struggles of a queer mafia boss/rich businessman/heir to the corporate throne protagonists can sometimes be a tad out of touch for the general populace, and we can only feel so much nostalgia for our school days before we are tired of the saccharine sugar high.

When I saw this kiss for the first time, my eyes teared up, not because these gay characters are having a hard time, but because I could feel their pain, irrespective of my sexuality. I knew deep in my bones how a kiss can simultaneously feel like freedom and a lifelong trap. And I'm sure so many others felt it too. The kiss went viral because it was a perfect representation of so many struggles of Asians and the diaspora (and beyond), and it happened to be queer.

I don't know how the results will tally up when the clock runs out, but I hope we can chalk up a honest-to-goodness happy ending for them, if only in a silly Tumblr poll.

cc @bl-bracket, here ya go, a very long and rambling campaign propaganda

#bad buddy #bad buddy series #bad buddy the series #patpran #ohmnanon #ohm pawat #nanon korapat #aof noppharnach #bl bracket #bl bracket for best kiss

[cheesiedomino]

When Worlds Collide

Part 2

genre: non-idol au, college au, hyunjin x fem!reader, badboy!hyunjin x innocent!reader, enemies to lovers? if you squint, pg-14

wc: 5.6k (i’m not very good at keeping things short i see)

tags/warnings: fluff, kissing, cursing, themes of anxiety and insecurities (regarding the reader), alcohol usage, mentions of drugs (weed), reader is introverted, hyunjin is a rich boi, hyunjin is a little mean to the reader at first, that’s pretty much it i think.

synopsis: you’ve been wanting to get rid of your good girl image since you transferred schools, but luckily, you have an extroverted roommate that can help you with that. Along the way, you meet at a strange individual at a party that shines a light into your dull life.

It all started after you transferred schools. That’s when everything changed for you.

You grew up in the smallest town where every and anybody would gossip (since everyone basically knew everyone in the town), there wasn’t much room to express yourself, and most of the people had conservative views. You were tired of living like this and you wanted to go somewhere you could feel liberated. You wanted a change of scenery, new friends, and a new life, and the city was the perfect opportunity for you. 

You were nervous out of your mind on your way to the new university. You had no real expectations other than to be as far away from your shitty hometown as possible, 8 hours should be sufficient enough for that. However, now realizing you’ll know absolutely no one there terrified you. 

Living in the big city was intimidating yet exciting, you wanted to experience something new for the first time in your life. It took everything in you to get your parents to agree, let alone even consider transferring to a university 8 hours away. They thought you were ludicrous and couldn’t see why you’d want to be that far away from them. You also have 2 siblings and they were both really upset but tried to be happy for you in the process. Of course, you’ll miss everyone but you wanted to do something for yourself for a change.

On the first day of moving into your new dorm, you couldn’t believe how huge your room was. The university compared to the one in your hometown was basically a castle. You were arranging everything on your side of the room and that’s when you heard the door swing wide open.

“Oh hi, you must be my new roommate!” A girl with long pink hair suddenly spoke,

That’s when you met Sana, your now roommate, and very close friend.

You weren’t expecting to become so close with Sana but it just happened. You guys were practically inseparable, that was until she joined a sorority. Once she joined she became busy more frequently, she didn’t have much time to spend with you anymore. You had other friends but they weren’t as fun and witty as Sana. You sometimes wished you had listened to her and tried joining the same sorority as her, but it was one of the most difficult sororities to get into and you have to know people in order to basically get in. See the thing is, you aren't popular, but she is. She knew almost everyone at that university. She has success right in the palm of her hands and she uses it to her advantage. 

Although she's busy more often now, she still tries to squeeze time into her busy schedule for you. You went out to get boba one day and she asks you if you wanted to come to one of the parties that she’s helping host at her sorority house. Now, usually, you turn her down but this time she really tries to convince you to go.

“Come on y/n, wasn’t your whole goal of transferring schools was to let loose? Have some fun? You’re starting to resort back to your old ways” Sana says to you. 

She’s right, and it pains you to listen to her. You’ve only gone to about 2 or 3 parties and it’s already the second semester. You needed to spice up your life just a little bit.

“I promise you’ll have fun honey, my brother frat is gonna be there too and they’re buying all the alcohol for us!” She continues. It doesn’t entice you that you’ll be meeting them since you don’t have much luck with men to begin with. Your insecurities always get in the way of everything causing you to either not see the red flags in a person or just downright end up getting dumped for someone else. You did however, want to get your mind off things and a party will definitely do just that. 

“Okay, fine.” You agree, Sana starts jumping up and down on the bed and claps her hands, she’s the most adorable thing ever.

“Yay! I promise you won't regret it, babe” 

As you’re looking for something to wear, you see Sana try on different shirts. You notice how good she looked in everything and how pretty she was. You hated comparing yourself to other girls but you couldn’t help doing that with Sana, she was charismatic, funny, always got guys and girl’s attention, everything you thought you were not. She’s from a big city so she has a lot more experience with certain things in life unlike you, she basically taught you all the street smarts you know now. You wish you could be more extroverted like her so you often try to copy the way she acts sometimes but you feel foolish doing it. You don’t think she notices though since she still thinks you’re a goody two-shoes that’s always studying.

You look in the mirror and analyze the outfit you picked out, it had a subtle amount of sexy but not too much. You thought it was the perfect balance. 

“Nice tits,” Sana says to you flirtatiously as she passes by to get something, you look down at your shirt again and think to yourself if you’re showing too much cleavage. 

“Calm down babe, I’m only joking, you look adorable” She retorts.

You sigh, “Sorry if I’m a little on edge, I’m just not sure how I feel in this outfit” it was a bit out of your comfort zone but this is what you wanted, you wanted to push your own personal boundaries. You wanted to show a new side of yourself, the one that you’ve been longing for since you got here. 

“Well, as I said, you look adorable and there’s nothing to worry about” She says, “I’ll probably have to control the boys from drooling all over you though!” 

You sway your hand towards her, “No way, I’ll be doing that for you instead!” 

“Anyways, are you almost ready to go?” She says as she’s tying her platform boots. 

“Yeah, I think so” You say, you can’t stop looking in the mirror, you just don’t feel confident in your outfit and it shows. 

"This party is going to be fucking amazing!" Sana says as she wraps her arm around you leading the way. You gave a fake smile to her trying to act somewhat excited. Part of you wanted to just turn back and say that you want to stay in but the other half of you wants to finally shed your good girl image. You took a deep breath as you were getting into the uber, Sana insisted on you not driving since she wanted to take shots with you, even though you don’t really want to drink.

“My sorority sisters are so nice you’ll love them,” Sana says to you during the car ride “they may get a little wild but they’re still sweet and down to earth”

You nod, “I just hope everyone will like me..” 

“Why wouldn’t they?” She tilted her head.

“I don’t know..” You really couldn’t think of a reason but the thought was still on your mind. 

“Exactly, you’re thinking about all the wrong things right now. Think about just having fun and getting to meet new people.”

She’s always able to say the right things to you and that's why you love her.

As you guys get closer to the destination you have this weird feeling in your stomach, as if you’re going to throw up. You know its your anxiety so you just breathe in and out and try to stop overthinking. 

"We're here!" She says, “my second home” 

You look out the window and see the house in front of you. You thought you were imagining things. The house is huge. It could pass off as a celebrity mansion. It had a large balcony in the front with tons of people drinking and dancing. You saw strobe lights from the inside and you heard the splashing of water. 

“Oh yeah we have a pool, by the way, we’ve got extra bathing suits if you want one!” She exclaims.

You get out of the car and you’re holding hands with Sana. As you walk in you see tons of people that you don’t know and have never seen in your life. Almost everyone has a drink in their hand and everyone looks like they're having a good time. Sana kept getting stopped every 2 seconds since she knew literally every person at school and it annoyed you since she was the only person you knew and came with. She was also the host so she was obligated to greet and talk to everyone. At one point you looked around and she was nowhere in sight. You just sigh and decide to walk around the 3 story house with your second drink in your hand, wondering why you even came here in the first place. You see people getting blackout drunk, making out, dancing, smoking, or knocked out. You decide to just go upstairs and sit down in a room or something. You open the closest door and end up walking in on two people. 

The girl screamed.

"Close the fucking door idiot!" The guy yelled at you.

You closed it right away and ran to the next room still stunned by how fast that all went down.

The next room you went to was thankfully empty so you sat on the bed, pulled your phone out, and texted Sana to ask where she is.

As you were staring at your phone waiting for a response you hear a strange rattling noise coming from the closet.

You stare at the door not sure if it was just you hearing things or if something was actually in there. You hear another loud bang coming from inside the closet and that’s when you start to get up. You didn’t know if you wanted to run or see what was in there. Then the door abruptly  opens, almost giving you a heart attack. You screamed and throw your empty can of beer at whatever was coming out of there.

"What the fuck!" You hear a man’s voice say.

"Who are you?!" You say, looking at the person coming out of the closet, now approaching you.

He was tall, wearing tight black jeans, and a gray hoodie, what stood out to you the most though was his bright red hair.

"No. Who the fuck are you?!" He says to you, in a harsh tone. His eyes are red, you can tell he’s clearly stoned.

"Well if you must know my name is y/n. But to be honest, that’s not important, why were you in a closet?" You ask him.

"I don’t need to explain shit to you." He snaps back.

You frown, not really appreciating his dickhead attitude, so you get off the bed and begin to leave.

"Wait, don't leave." He says before you could reach the door handle. 

You don’t know why you halted once he said that but you did and turned around.

"Why not?" You ask politely.

"I don't know. You're kinda cute." He said.

You blush, you weren’t expecting him to say that of all things. He may have been rude to you a few seconds ago but he has one of the most attractive faces you’ve ever seen.

"Thanks?" You say back to him, you can never just accept a compliment without questioning it.

"You enjoying my party?" The boy asks, now sitting on the bed.

"This is your party?" You ask him.

"Yep." He proudly boasts.

"This is your house?" 

"Yep."

"Really?"

"Yep."

You chuckle to yourself, “No it’s not, my roommate literally is part of this sorority and you don’t look like a girl to me”

He loses his arrogant facade realizing you caught him in a lie.

“Who’s your roommate?! He asks.

“Sana” 

“Seriously?!”

“Yup, shocker right?” You say to him, wondering how he will think of you now.

“Well.. how come I’ve never seen you around?” He says.

“I guess I’m not really the party type”

"Then why the fuck are you here?" He says bluntly.

“I just wanted to” You say back but this time using more bass in your voice.

"Alright fine" He says, “But if you’re going to be here you need to let loose more, you seem very uptight”

“Whatever.” You tell him, taking slight offense towards what he's saying to you right now.

"Wait, what was your name again?" He asks.

"Y/n." 

"Cool, I'm Hyunjin." He reaches his hand out to give you a hand shake “nice to meet you I guess”

"Sure." You say back, reluctantly taking his hand to shake it.

"Cute outfit." Hyunjin says as he pokes your stomach which was exposed because of the crop top you were wearing. You push his hand away and glare at him, 

"Stop." 

"You're no fun." He pouts. He towers over you with his tall and slender physique, you think you might stop breathing because of how beautiful he was.

"Whatever, anyways it was nice knowing you but I'm leaving."

 You grab the door handle but Hyunjin grabs your arm in the process. You start to feel dizzy yet you dont know why. Was it from the alcohol? Definitely not, you weren't that much of a lightweight.

"Can I at least get your number?" He asks.

"No." You say as you shook your head, he may have been very attractive yet his attitude put a sour taste in your mouth. You left the party without Sana as you were ready to go and weren’t in the mood for that kind of night anymore. ‘So much for going out and trying new things’ you say to yourself as you head up to your room. As you lye on your bed and look at the ceiling you keep replaying that same scene over and over again. You can’t get the image of Hyunjin’s face out of your brain, everything about him made you want to melt, besides the way he acted of course. 

As you get ready for bed and put on your pjs, you come out the bathroom and get a text from Sana. You had already told her you came back to the dorm so she knows you’re safe.

'Omg im sorry y/n i got so wrapped up in everything! i love you girl!' 

You just look at it and roll your eyes. You know she’s extremely intoxicated right now so you just text her back saying it’s okay but in reality it wasn't.

-

"So, did you meet any hot guys?" Sana asked you, taking a sip of her boba drink.

You were chewing on your fries and trying to think of what to say, you weren’t sure if you wanted to bring up the Hyunjin situation.

"No.. But I did meet some weirdo." You say.

"Who?" She asked.

"His name was Hyunjin, I think" You definitely knew his name you were just trying to play it cool.

"Oh him? Really?” She says, “that’s my bro from the frat, he’s such a player but he’s really nice to me." 

"Oh." 

"He's actually really nice though, he's not weird at all."

"He's a douche bag."

"Well he's nice to me."

"Every guy is nice to you Sana."

She laughs at that, she knows she could have any guy drop to their knees for her. That’s just the kind of girl she was, you were not though.

As you play with the fries on your plate you hear a voice calling your name.

A strikingly familiar voice.

The one from last night.

"Ohh y/n! I'm still waiting for that number!" You hear from behind you.

You knew exactly who it was.

"What do you want Hyunjin?" You turn around.

"You know what I want." He says.

All this time you’ve never seen this man before, yet somehow today he comes to the same exact place as you. Is this the world seeking revenge on you?

You roll your eyes, you say your phone number super quickly and try to escape from him by coming out of the booth. You must’ve stood up to fast and you bumped your arm on the table, causing your drink to spill all over Hyunjin’s pants. 

You froze for a second and profusely apologize to him.

“I- Oh god I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to do that!” 

“But you did,” He says looking at the damage done to his pants “So is this how you treat people you just met huh?” He replies.

“Come on y/n let’s head to class, really sorry this had to happen to you buddy” She says to Hyunjin as you both head out.

"Oh my god y/n, not gonna lie that was pretty funny!" Sana says laughing on the way back to the car.

"It was an honest accident." You say, “now he’s really going to hate me”

You actually didn’t have a class to go to it was just Sana’s quick thinking that got you out of that situation. You were sitting at your desk in the corner of your room and going over some quick vocabulary for your exam coming up. You felt your phone vibrate and see that you have a text from a number that you don’t have saved. 

This couldn’t be who you think it is.

'Heyyy, i memorized ur number’ the text read.

You don't know if you should respond back or not. You just look at it for a while. He must really want to talk to you that bad if he’ll go as far as remembering the number you blurted out. You got interrupted by your thoughts with another message.

‘Why’d u spill ur drink on me babe?’ 

You scoffed. You hated this guy’s grammar and he’s already pissing you off. Yet you decide to reply anyway.

'Go away Hyunjin.' 

'How about we go on a date tomorrow?' 

You can't believe he just asked you that. After everything that just went down.

'Why?' You genuinely want to know why.

'Idk cuz ur cute'

'Whatever I guess' You don’t even know why you agreed. It’s like your brain was saying no but your hands were typing a completely different response.

Now you’re stuck and have a date tomorrow at 6:30 with him. You end up telling Sana everything.

"Oh my god are you serious?!" She said.

"Yeah." You say back nonchalantly, as if you’ve been asked on a multitude of dates before. But in actuality, you’ve only been on about three in total. 

"Well you sound enthused." Sana said sarcastically.

You just shrug, you don't even know if you should be excited or not. It’s no secret that Hyunjin is one of the most attractive guys at school but it’s also no secret that he’s a ladies man. Not only that but his attitude can be so reckless. He doesn't think before he says anything so he just comes off as a major prick. But hey, look on the bright side, at least you have something do tomorrow rather than eating cheese curls and watching Netflix.

-

Today is the day. It’s 4:31 and you were getting ready for your date with Hyunjin. You were actually pretty excited at this point, even anticipating it. 

You were both texting each other throughout the day and he didn't seem like the jerk you were talking to at the party. He was softer, had a more sweet side to him. He even said good morning and that you looked beautiful the other day. Although this nice side of him was starting to come out, he did still have some traits about him that you didn’t particularly enjoy. He did like to party, a lot. He enjoyed doing drugs, going out, getting into trouble and just being well..reckless. He had girls lining up to be with him and here he is just casually going on a date with you. The nobody that just happens to have a lively roommate.

You were getting dressed for the date and decided on a cropped cardigan with a mini skirt. It was simple and you can’t go wrong with simple. You finish doing your hair, makeup, the whole shabang, you were finally ready. You looked in the mirror and actually thought to yourself for once, ‘Wow I actually look good.’

You then get a text from Hyunjin.

'Hey r u ready?'

You really hate how this man texts.

You reply back saying that you are and he tells you good because he's outside waiting. You quickly gather all your things and start heading towards the door. As you walk outside and you see a black range rover in the driveway.

Hyunjin is just standing in front of the car, leaning on it, looking as if he’s been waiting for an eternity.

“Hey sweetie” He says to you, pulling you in for a hug.

“Hello.” You say shyly, as you analyze his car, you couldn’t believe he drove something so lavish.

"There's no way this is your car." You say to him.

"Well it is." He says.

"I refuse to believe it." You say back. If he can lie so easily to you at the party saying Sana’s sorority house was his what would make you think this car is his as well?

"It was a birthday gift from my parents." He said.

"Are your parents loaded or something..?"

"Sure, that’s unimportant just get in." He quickly dismisses the conversation and opens the door for you.

You get in and as Hyunjin begins driving you ask him where exactly you guys are going.

“One of the best spots in the city” He simply replies and continues driving. Deciding not to question anything else you just enjoy the ride and try to relax.

You’re suddenly brought to a halt and you realize that you’ve finally reached your destination. The place he is taking you for your date. It looked like some fancy tower but it was just a restaurant. Hyunjin quickly got out of the car and proceeded to open the car door on your side.

"Thank you." You say politely.

"You're welcome gorgeous." He says back sweetly.

You walk into the place and it looks stunning in here. Beautiful artwork decorated the walls, classical music was playing, it looked like a place where only the wealthy and well-established get to experience. You were in awe.

Hyunjin must already have reservations since you both got seated right away, it was near the water fountain and a man was playing the piano nearby. It was actually quite romantic and nothing like you were expecting coming from someone like him. 

"How'd you get a reservation here on such short notice?" You ask him, "It looks so busy here." 

"My uncle is the owner." He says.

"Oh wow." You say, you were definitely not expecting that answer.

"Yep. My mom is a neurosurgeon and my dad owns a bunch of companies." He says while taking a sip of his water. 

"Jeez," You say, "You’ve never struggled a day in your life have you?"

"Look, you think I asked for this lifestyle? I could care less what people think of me." 

You stare at your shoes underneath the table, not able to face him when he talks sternly to you like that.

"So you don’t like having this life?" You ask.

He shakes his head, "No, not really actually."

You look up at him and proceed to ask him why not.

"Because all these bitches try and use me for my money."

"Oh." You say quietly, not sure what else to say after that.

"Don’t tell me you’re one of those." He says.

"No, not at all." You shake your head profusely.

"Good." 

Then there was pure silence.

The waiter finally comes and you order drinks and food. You went with a chicken caesar salad and water, not really understanding why you want to eat like some delicate flower around Hyunjin. You could eat the entire fridge if you could, and you have numerous times at your dorm.

"Are you on a diet or something?" He asks chuckling at you eating your salad.

You simply roll your eyes and continue eating,

"No, oh my god shut up." You say.

"You know, if you keep rolling your eyes they'll fall out." He slyly remarks.

"Good, now leave me be and let me enjoy my food” You say.

He chuckled, "You're so fucking adorable you know that?"

You blushed at that comment, most men don't compliment you and if they do it’s just to get into your pants. You’re enjoying this attention from Hyunjin though for some reason. You couldn’t take your eyes off him the whole night.

Your date with Hyunjin went surprisingly well. He opened up about a lot of things with you and you learned so much about him. He's 21 years old, he’s an only child, he’s studying biology and minors in photography, he’s also part of two clubs at school. His favorite color is green, he has two dogs, he grew up in a strict household like you but deviated at a young age, trying to shy away from his rich boy image when he was younger. He smokes a lot of weed, his favorite types of alcohol are vodka and whiskey. He hates people that use him and he hates eggplants and caviar. He enjoys skateboarding, he listens to heavy metal, and his favorite food is instant ramen. He's actually not so bad as you get to know him. 

Once you get home you couldn’t help but feel sad. You wanted to spend more time with him but not in the way he wanted to. He asked you if you wanted to go to this party with him that same night but you declined, saying that you were gonna hit the books instead. He huffed and just accepted the fact that you weren’t budging and asked if you could hang out again tomorrow and you agreed.

"Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then beautiful." He kissed your cheek and walked back to his car.

You smile to yourself, “Goodbye Hyunjin.”

Now you’re sitting here on the edge your bed at 2 am with a dumb smile on your face. Your mind filled with only thoughts of him. His scent, his laugh, his smile, his energy, everything about him was just so sexy. You didn’t realize he had a tattoo of a snake on the side of his neck and that made you even more intrigued by his look. He stands out from the crowd yet he doesn’t care. He’s unapologetically himself and his aura is only growing stronger on you.

You can’t wait to share everything with Sana and your heart is racing. You’re going to sleep so good tonight.

-

You and Hyunjin have grown a lot closer these past couple of weeks. Once you got to know him more you realize he’s much more of a gentleman than you thought he was in the beginning. Sana is also really happy for you and she couldn’t believe you actually gave one of her fraternity brothers a chance. You’ve gone on a few more dates with him and you just love every bit of it, you love every bit of him. Although you are both complete opposites, it kind of worked out in the end. He doesn't force his crazy lifestyle on you and he’s even chose to stay in to chill with you at times instead of going to a party. You kind of enjoy how he sacrifices those things for you and it makes you feel as though you have a certain power over him. A secret weapon that no one else but you could use on him. It made you feel special.

Hyunjin texted you earlier asking if he could come over to your dorm and you were nervous since this was the first time he’d be seeing it. You spent all day trying to clean up and make it look the least bit of presentable. Sana was at the sorority house so she won’t even know anyone was here. Once he arrives, you open the door for him to come in and he immediately picks you up from the ground, hugging you tightly.

“Please put me down!” You shout to him.

“No, I love carrying you” He says as he continues to walk inside with you in his arms analyzing everything all at once. Your living room, the tiny kitchen, random plushies scattered on the couch, and then there’s your room on the left.

He steps into your room and looks at the brick walls, there were a couple posters hanging up and the fairy lights added a nice touch to everything.

"Your rooms pretty girly." He says to you chuckling.

"What'd you except?" You asked him.

"Honestly, I’m not even sure." He told you.

He sat on your bed and you sat next to him.

"Sit on my lap." He says, patting his thigh.

You turn to him giving him an odd look, "Why?" you start to giggle.

"I don't know, just do it." He says in that stern voice that you remember from when you first met him. You’ve never done this kind of thing before so you were a bit hesitate at first but then you get up and sit on his lap.

‘How bad could it be?’ You thought to yourself.

"Hey." You say as you comfortable sit on top of him. 

"Hi." He says back, but in a low husky voice. He sounds so sexy when he talks like that and it makes you feel dizzy. He cups your face with his right hand and turns your head to face his. He looks at you, just staring into your soul like a hungry lion ready to catch it’s prey.

And that’s when it happens.

He leans in to kiss you, his lips almost crashing into yours. He kisses you as if he’s gone feral. He starts to bite on your lower lip and you gasp letting his tongue slip into your mouth with ease. He’s grabbing your face with both of hands at this point and he continues kissing you as if he’s been starved for decades. You try your best to keep up with his pace but you feel like you’re about to lose oxygen with the way he’s smothering you. The kiss was very passionate and everytime you pull back he just grabs your face again and continues like nothing ever happened. You’ve been sitting on his lap making out for what seemed like hours. Sweat builds up on Hyunjin’s forehead and he starts panting. His bright red locks hiding his face, making you brush it out the way. He’s so pretty everytime you look at him, you feel like you’re dreaming at this point. All of a sudden he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you more onto the bed, he’s just holding you. As if you truly mean something to him. You can feel his irregular breathing on your neck. You look over at him and you finally realize how red his eyes were.

"Have you been smoking?" You ask him.

"Yeah." He admits.

You roll your eyes. You don't have a problem with him smoking, it's just he doesn't look good with those beet red eyes.

"Babe, you should really come to this party with me tonight." He says, hugging you tighter. 

"Noo. You know I dont like going to parties," You bury your face in his chest “Plus I have more homework to do” you mumble into his pecks wondering if he even heard that.

"Pleeease y/n," He says, “You look so hot right now, I just want to show you off” his hands begin roaming your body, his large veiny hands ran down to your thighs.

"Stop." You pull his hand away subconciously, you really aren’t used to men touching you like this.

"Come with me y/n." He pleads.

"No." You instantly shut down his offer.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

And the debate went on and on until he had finally won.

"Ugh fine you win,” You shout in defeat “but we’re leaving immediately if I feel uncomfortable”

“You got it babe.” He gives you lazy smile.

You turn your head facing the window.

"Y/n." He says.

"Yes?" You ask him.

"I really like you." He says. 

"Is this the weed that's talking?" You say to him, reluctant of his true feelings towards you.

"No baby. It's all me..." He says sincerely, "I really like you y/n. Like a lot. You’re a really cool person. I like you more than I like going out." He says.

Your eyes grow wide. Could he really be telling the truth?

"Really?" You ask, now regretting it since you’re ruining a really cute moment.

"Yes y/n. You're really beautiful and I just... Ugh... Be mine already." He pulls you closer to him once again. You smell the weed on his clothes but you don’t even mind it anymore. You just let him continue cuddling with you.

"Okay Hyunjin." You come out from his arms and get on top of him. You lower yourself and kiss him once again. He kisses you back immediately letting you have some of the control this time. Everything just felt so perfect right now at this very moment. 

“So does this make you my girlfriend or what?” He says after you pull away from the kiss.

“Yeah, I suppose so” You grin at him saying that term and you just can’t help but kiss him passionately again.

“You’re not the good girl I thought you were, look at you being so needy for me already” He says stroking the side of your chin. You’re still the same girl he met a few weeks ago, it’s just that he was the right person to unlock your true self.

You’re not the girl that’s scared of everything anymore, you’ve become much more confident with him around. This is what you needed, what you were looking for the whole time, and here he is. Hyunjin may be completely different from you but that’s how you come together, it’s as if you were meant for each other and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

End <3

(yes, i WILL be making a part 2 of this so stay tuned for that within the next couple of days hehe, hope you enjoyed and feedback is much appreciated. Take care & stay safe everyone!)

#hwang hyunjin #hyunjin skz #skz hyunjin #hyunjin x reader #skz drabbles #skz fluff #skz imagines #skz smut #hyunjin smut #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin drabbles #stray kids imagines #stray kids fanfic #skz x reader #hyunjin stray kids #hyunjin imagines

[idontblushsrry]

Request Headcanon

nuttymouthful asked:  Uhh may I make a request for Ouran High School Host club? Just a headcanon for how the host would react to meeting someone how is a big time animal lover. (Like they pretty much live there life like the Irwin family)

A/N: I was thinking about how I’d write this and my brain just went ‘they lost their shit at the sight of instant coffee’, so uhh I hope this is to your liking. I tried to get as much animal variety as I could even though I didn’t really touch on marine animals that much)

Warnings: Like 2 swear words (pinky promise), slight drug mention(literally so small you might not even notice it), spoilers (minor) for Tamaki’s mom

Word Count: 1292

General

So this is under the assumption that like the Irwin family, Reader (or their family) has access to a wide variety of animals (from domestic to wild)

All of them respect the passion you have for animals

While they all might have various feelings on animals (see below), they can’t deny that you truly do love animals

Your family’s sanctuary focuses on healing injured animals and rehabilitating them so they can go back into the wild

Of course, your family has many sanctuaries around the world and some focus more on conservation while others focus on research 

The one closest to the school focuses mainly on conservation and as such, is massive and functions like a zoo ( in terms of having people come in and see the animals)

Anyways, the host club is very supportive and often helps you with organizing donation events

Oftentimes, your family will collaborate with them and allow them to rent out parts of the conservation center for events

Aside from the conservation center though, your family owns a few ranches and farms (not for commercial profit, although yall have sold a few animals)

The farms and ranches are relatively small scale but they make great venues for the host club and a great place for getaways/vacations

Your main house is where you keep most of your favorite animals

You have an aviary attached to your room (connected through a hallway that connects to your room) as well as a butterfly garden in the backyard

You also have an aquarium tank, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 snake, and a hamster that visits on weekends

You had to be stopped at some point

Tamaki

Tamaki loves animals

He was never really around animals growing up because of how sensitive his mom’s immune system is

So when he sees that you’re an animal person, he’s super excited

Like this man is already planning playdates between Antoinette and your pets/animals

You love his enthusiasm, just one small problem

It’s a little too much enthusiasm

Yes the animals are well trained, but how would you react if a 6′0 giant with long arms came barreling towards you screaming showing its teeth? 

So yeah, Tamaki tends to set the animals off/ make them nervous

Because of that he’s only allowed around certain animals (ex. certain monkeys, certain birds, etc.)

He’s happy that he’s allowed around some animals but he still pouts every time there’s an animal he can’t be around

Kyoya

This man

Kyoya does not fuck with animals. Like at all

The first time the host club went to your house, you were holding a hamster and Kyoya moved back about 10 feet

When you asked him what was wrong, he just said “Rats are carriers of many of the most deadly diseases”

You told him that you were holding a hamster and that while hamsters were rodents, the worst he’d get sick with would be salmonella

He doesn’t believe you, but yeah sure whatever

For Kyoya it just gets worse after that

The first time he sees you holding a tarantula, he loses his shit

“Look how cute it is Kyoya!”

“Get that vermin away from me!”

I could go on and on about how much Kyoya doesn’t like animals (even domestic ones like cats and dogs)

He hates going to your house, but he often has to go there in order to set up events for the host club, what a nightmare

While he doesn’t care for animals, the business side of his brain can’t help but think of a marketing opportunity

Mori

Is one of two hosts that are going to be chill about it

He doesn’t feel one way or the other about animals and thinks it’s cool that you’re interested in them

Only thing is; if Honey’s afraid of your animals, he will have to ask you to leave he won’t hesitate to step in “harm’s” way

Surprisingly though, that actually makes him the chillest with your animals

Much to your surprise (and Tamaki’s sorrow), the animals love him

He just has this calming vibe that sets the animals at ease

It also helps that he smells nice and is super tall

For most of them it’s like sitting on a giant tree

He’s not really complaining though, it makes his job of protecting Honey that much easier

Honey

Oh boy

He might actually be the worst with animals

It’s not even an issue of being unable to defend against aggressive animals (Honey could probably solo a grizzly bear)

It’s just he has a very strict “cute” animal policy that changes wildly depending on his mood, the temperature, the angle of the wind, the humidity, etc.

He’s very bougie when it comes to what animals he will tolerate and what animals he will refuse to see

The general safe choices are rabbits (especially bunnies), kittens, cows, tits (the bird species), and baby animals of almost every domestic mammal species)

Him and the hamster you see on weekends are best friends

Also, you have had issues with him trying to feed the animals sweets

Explaining to Honey why rabbits can’t have carrot cake was not an easy conversation, nor was it one you thought you’d need to have 

Because of how specific he is about what animals he finds cute, you likened him to a crocodile (because of how sensitive they are to temp. changes in egg)

Needless to say...he was not pleased

Hikaru

So him and Kaoru don’t really care for animals but they try to relate to you in somewhat similar but different ways

Hikaru is always trying to get you to do/recreate stunts with the animals

“Hey Y/N, we should-”

“No Hikaru”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say”

“No you cannot use the dolphins for hoop tricks, no you cannot teach the gorillas how to roll blunts, no you cannot “bribe” the koalas with eucalyptus...”

Yeah he’s a menace

It’s mostly all in good fun though

Hikaru doesn’t really care for animals but he does find it hilarious that the animals like him more than Tamaki

Also, completely random but Hikaru definitely send you those “horse-sized duck vs duck sized horses” memes

Kaoru

Kaoru also tries to use animals on the internet to relate to you, but he’s a lot tamer than Kaoru

Kaoru is kind of like the parent who learns one thing you like and is like “that’s your entire personality right?”

Poor bby is trying his best

Anyways, whereas Hikaru tries to recreate memes, Kaoru sends you them

They range in quality and format; from top text, bottom text to “is this a ____”

At least once a day, Kaoru will send you a meme or picture of an animal with a caption that says ‘this reminded me of u :)’

It’s so endearing that you can’t even be mad about it

Haruhi

Is the only other one who’s kind of cool about the whole thing

She’s really only been around animals in the park or the occasional pet store

Growing up, she didn’t really have the time (or money) to go to the zoo, that and the fact that Ranka doesn’t care at all for animals (she thinks they’re weird and gross)

When Tamaki hears this, he works himself up into a frenzy, torn that his “daughter” has never been to a zoo (even tho he hasn’t either)

But she likes the fact that you’re so passionate about animals

At heart, she’s a scholar, so she loves learning new things she didn’t know before, she could spend all day just listening to you talk about animals

Not to mention the fact that you’re basically giving her a free informational tour every time you see an animal

#ouran headcanons #ouran highschool host club imagines #ouran x reader #ohshc x reader #ohshc imagines #ohshc headcanons #tamaki suoh x reader #tamaki suoh x black reader #ohshc kyoya x reader #kyoya ootori x reader #kyoya x black reader #honey x reader #ohshc honey x reader #mori x reader #ohshc mori x reader #ohshc x black reader #x black reader #this has been sitting in the drafts for a minute #my badddd #also sorry for the long ass absence im trying to get back into the swing of things #ohshc haruhi x reader #ohshc kaoru x reader #ohshc hikaru x reader #idontblushsrry #requested #but i dont have the request anymore #shoutout to the requester tho

[shinxeysartgallery]

The Murder Drones brain worms got me in a chokehold rn

Anyway, I got thinking about the Solver again. Ever since Episode 2, it's been established that the Solver is capable of creating flesh out of seemingly nothing. And we also know since Episode 1 that Disassembly Drones (as well as Workers with the Solver) can regenerate any wounds inflicted on them as long as there's sufficient material for it to use.

The latter seems to imply that it's still abiding by the Laws of the Conservation of Matter - matter cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed. Makes sense; it took the materials in the area and transformed them into new body parts to repair damage. Nothing was created or destroyed in that regard. But then what about the flesh?

Episode 7 gave some interesting implications regarding that. We got to see a flashback where the Disassembly Drones were deployed to hunt down and devour humanity, even getting a little scene of V ripping off and swallowing some poor sap's arm and N drinking the blood out of some dude's neck. But here's the thing about that: those two particular humans that were explicitly shown being eaten obviously weren't the only ones that were killed and eaten by them. Much like with all living things, there's only so much room for food inside the body, which also applies to the Drones. Since they're robots, they obviously can't digest it or go shit it out later when they get full like a human or animal can, so where did all the blood and flesh they ate go?

In Episode 2, we see J's core teleport away in a black hole after N stabs it several times with his tail. We've also seen other instances of the Solver being able to teleport or open black holes/wormholes. We also know that all Disassembly Drones have a core like that inside of their bodies. Both Episode 2 and Episode 7 confirmed that the cores can act independently from its host body and still possess Solver abilities. So my theory is that their cores were teleporting the flesh and blood somewhere as it entered the Drones' bodies. Where exactly? It's hard to say, but likely to wherever the source of the Solver is. No, not Cyn, but whatever it was that originally possessed her. She was Patient Zero, but the Solver clearly existed before she woke up in the dumpster. Whatever its source is, that's likely where everything went. If it's still abiding by that scientific law mentioned before, then it explains how it's seemingly able to create it out of nothing - it's not; it's basically moving it from one place to another through use of wormhole magic when its powers are invoked. This also explains how the Disassembly Drones were able to consume what seemed to be an infinite amount of humans without them ever getting full.

(We know its very existence and its other behaviors still break several scientific laws, so this might be a moot point, but it's still interesting to think about!)

It also gives some more interesting implications to Cyn's comment about being hungry before jumping into the giant flesh pit to the center of the planet. Maybe the stuff was being teleported directly to the entity's stomach? And if that's the case, then that's maybe why the portals it makes are so fleshy? It's basically ripping a hole into the entity's stomach that's already full of flesh and blood from its previous kills.

Also as a side note, Episode 1 established that Disassembly Drones require them to drink oil every so often to keep from overheating - a symptom that also exists in Worker Drones with the Solver. We saw in Episode 4 that when Uzi used her Solver powers too much, she began to overheat and go a bit crazy until she was able to consume some oil. What if the Solver entity itself has something similar going on? We don't know what it's doing behind the scenes, after all. What if it's like those Drones, where it needs to consume blood and flesh to keep up its energy, much like how they need oil? If that's the case, Cyn's remark likely implies that it's used up a shit-ton of energy on something, which does not bode well for the future of Copper-9 or its inhabitants... (Or any other planets/exo-planets in that universe, for that matter.)

I'm probably over-analyzing stuff again, but still think it's interesting. lmao

#murder drones #murder drones spoilers #murder drones theory #absolute solver

[hollow-keys]

I think a lot of people don't get that superheroes don't often have the morality of online leftist. They will see Batman go guns bad. Donate to charity. No killing. And assume his anti killing rules are routed in leftist ideology.

This isn't true. He supports state sanctioned killing in many comics. He is anti-vigilante killing. And on occasion even against self defense killing.

In Batman #420 Bruce locks KG Beast in a storage room and leaves him there to either find a way to escape himself or die (not seeming to care which, honestly if I am remembering correctly leaning towards death) but in Batman #422 he condemns Judy Koslosky's self defense killing of a serial killer who had already killed her sister because she lured him into attempting to kill her by following him around and glaring at him. Both give the villains the opportunity to survive KG Beast has to escape and Karl just has to resist the temptation to try to murder a woman.

There is Batman: The Hill where he defends the GCPD killing a 14 year old with a gun as necessary but in Batman: Under the Hood he condemns the death of Captain Nazi. This isn't the most leftist character in the world. Leftists don't tend to be okay with cops killing kids but against killing Nazis. It tends to be the other way around. I read Batman: The Hill and I do think the cops used undue force and should have at least attempted deescalation in that situation.

There is a lot to say about the vague morals of the characters. Batman does a lot for charity but he definitely classist in a lot of his appearances. Characters can be complex and imperfect. Just because he cares about people in poverty doesn't mean he doesn't look down on them.

Also the whole 'violently beat people okay' and 'child sidekick okay' because genre convention while killing bad. It's like . . . killing is also present in superhero comics? Deadpool, Wolverine, Crimson Avenger, the Spectre . . . killing is also part of the genre. It has nuance to it. But heroes have killed at least on occasion since the very beginning.

Yes, you get it! People on here take "doesn't kill/believes in redemption" to be inherently proof of support of rehabilitative justice and leftism when... it isn't lol. I've yapped about superheroes and copaganda before here (I think it's a good post, I'm proud of it) so I'll try not to repeat myself too much but a conservative can believe in people's ability to change and not killing or whatever while still supporting the structures of the police and prisons, still believing that people should be arrested and serve time, even the rest of their lives. And that's what people don't get.

The word cop has been so twisted by this site that people use it to mean "anyone who judges me" or "anyone I don't like." It's used to describe individual behaviour the person has a problem with which ends up obfuscating the fact that a cop isn't defined by their personal ideology or what type of violence they commit, they're defined by the fact they commit violence to uphold the state's power. Their personal thoughts and opinions can make them worse, more violent and more oppressive, but personal opinions do not change what they are. Batman is a paramilitary state operative, not a radical leftist. I'm sorry.

And yeah the charity defense also misunderstands the point because conservatives donate to charity all the time. Charity is used by the rich to launder their reputations. They give a tiny fraction of their wealth back to the people so people don't question the rest of their wealth. Narratively, this works the same way so writers can go "See! He tries helping people via kindness but Gotham is innately corrupt and people just choose to be evil here so of course he has to dress up as a bat every night." Narratively, his charity exists so the writers can justify why he has to be Batman and to make him look better. If he really meant to help people with his money, he wouldn't be a billionaire anymore.

You're right about killing being present in the genre since since forever. Not as consistently as other things, but still present for sure. People defend violence they enjoy as "just part of the genre" but condemn violence they don't as bad and wrong.

I support hitting superheroes with the leftist beam but the fact of the matter is that most aren't in text and Batman even less so than others.

And you can dislike this. Batman is a character who's been through a million different incarnations and interpretations and you can latch on to more liberal, understanding incarnations or make up your own but you cannot defend main universe Bruce by pretending he's something he's not.

Thanks for the ask!

#bruce wayne #anti bruce wayne #<- using anti tags makes me feel silly sometimes but people yell at you if you don't and i do need something to organise my criticism under #dc comics #asks #📨

[earthstellar]

Caminus is a disabled Titan and I love him

His physical body has been completely separated into parts and fully utilised to the maximum possible degree for the sake of his Citizens

He was never going to be able to be fully repaired in the first place, and instead of even trying, he decided to put all of his remaining energy and resources into entering a permanent physical dormancy so his people would have somewhere to live and thrive

The effort it takes him to keep himself operational enough to provide the basics for his Citizens means that the strain severely impacts his remaining cognitive capacity and communicative ability

The Camiens realise the extent of Caminus' love for them, the extent of his devotion to his people being so great that he has given them every physical and mental part of himself to build upon and thrive

Even if those parts were already damaged upon arrival, it doesn't matter-- Caminus fulfils his duty into perpetuity

The most important thing the Camiens derive from Caminus himself is not fuel or power or infrastructure, but his eternal love

He has imbued his people with his creativity, curiosity, a more spiritual approach to philosophy, a cultural emphasis on friendship and mutual aid borne out of a need for resource conservation-- Thus providing environmental and resource awareness via his very state of being

We don't know much about Caminus as a person, aside from his heartbreak at the betrayal of Life Maximo and how the fallout from that was enough to send him away from Cybertron and leave Metroplex behind

But I think we can take some reasonable guesses from what we know of him through the optics of his Citizens and from what we know of his actions in general, and say that Caminus is--at his very core--devoted, loving, creative, sensitive, strong

And he is very much a disabled character. The fact that he is physically and mentally disabled is a critical part of why the Camien culture is the way it is, informed how this society developed, and even lent quite a bit to the creation/revival of Cityspeaking as an art form, which allowed him by proxy to help Metroplex from afar even while largely dormant himself

I don't see Caminus himself discussed very often, but he is absolutely one of my favourite characters

A Titan who brought an entire people and civilisation into existence, while also being physically and cognitively disabled.

He is never repaired. He cannot be repaired.

And that is fine; His love for his people is undying. His spark continues to spin, hidden far below the surface, for as long as love itself can live-- Far beyond any physical or metal tolerances, Caminus loves his people.

Forever.

And even without repairs, that is enough for the spark of a Titan.

(This isn't to romanticise the state of his health and his difficulties, but rather, is to highlight that his personal motivation is primarily his love for his people.)

Being disabled does not stop anyone from loving.

And we actually get to see that with Caminus!

In a lot of media, disabled characters are often highlighted for what they don't have, rather than what they do have and who they actually are as people.

The way Caminus is portrayed, his disabilities are critical to not just his own story but to the stories of all Camien people in one way or another. His influence and the impact of his state of health is massive.

But we also get to know who Caminus is, as a person. He values connections with others, he is loyal, creative, caring, and so on. He has significant compassion and dedication towards smaller beings, and values life. He had close relationships with his respective Prime and his "brother" (Metroplex).

I just really like Caminus a lot, idk I'm at work so this is probably not as coherent as I'd like lmao

#caminus #idw 1 #idw transformers #maccadam #maccadams #disability in fiction #disability in media

[ikemenomegas]

Omega!Getou Suguru x Alpha!Reader

The younger years

A brief note on how I see the Alpha for the two special grades of Jujutsu High: when a person writes for Gojo, I don't think you can really untangle him from Getou. Whether you ship them or not, the fact remains that they had the biggest impact on one anothers' sense of belonging and development. Getou was Gojo's moral compass for the few years they spent together and the question he posed haunts Gojo like nothing else. Gojo was Getou's measure for power and the person he wanted to be able to stand side by side with. I also thing part of Getou's choice to leave had to do with how futile he felt Gojo being "the strongest" ended up being. Because of this, and the fact that I write the Alpha in this situation as being most easily interpreted as being part of the Gojo/Getou/Shoko class, it would be most simple to explain the situation as the Alpha being the same person, but someone who has chosen different things in each case. I have some kind of au in my mind where there is a sort of poly ship with the three of them, but since that would never happen in canon (because of canon character deaths) I do write for a similar version of the Alpha going with either one or the other, not both.

tw: mentions of canonical character death, minor implication of suicide, and spoilers for the manga if you're not caught up

Getou Suguru walks a dozen lines: between the rural village world he quickly outgrew and the world of sorcerer's that sees him as a commodity; between the world of the conservative faction and higher ups that wants to control his omega body and his own uncontrollable power; between the way he realizes he loves you and the ways he cannot say it out loud...

Suguru is used to concealing his true emotions, even from himself. He presents himself in a way he thinks others want to see him but the core of his personality is really kind and empathetic. He has a hard time balancing this with his pride though.

When he first meets you as a first year student, he doesn't think much of you, he's just watchful like he is with everyone. Once he sees you fight, he acknowledges your potential, but his being nice to you beyond the surface level takes longer.

People think that Suguru is some kind of gentle omega because he's very good at being polite and courteous in public, this notion is quickly dispelled when Suguru and Satoru fall in together and feed off of one anothers' personality and Satoru starts to indicate to his classmates the kind of people in the sorcerer's world to watch out for (safe to mock behind their backs). Honestly, it's kind of a relief to all of you...

Fighting together builds closeness quickly as you each learn to trust the others with your own lives and the quality of the class's friendship improves.

Suguru and Satoru's techniques have made them both highly ranked sorcerers from the start so things are already difficult. There's a power gap between anyone else they get paired up with so they often go together, but since you have to go on missions too you've been paired up with both at one time or another.

It's on one of the worst missions where they send you all out together so Shoko-san always has a guard that you all end up saving each others' lives. After that, things are generally more informal between you all.

Missions are still a pain though. Every one of you have AoE attacks so it can be hard to coordinate, although Satoru is the worst at figuring it out because he was trained without any pairing up.

Satoru also doesn't like to pull his punches so when you train as a class it's usually with a cursed corpse or Suguru (until Satoru gets jealous of one or both of you ignoring him and forces someone to trade off). During these sparring bouts, Suguru realizes that he actually really likes your scent and he likes how you push yourself to get better at the close combat that could really make your technique shine even though it scares you. However, he often finds himself a little disappointed afterwards since your fighting style is more focused on redirection methods at the moment so you spend a good portion of the time trying to throw him away from you.

Things start changing when the boys' get more comfortable with one another and you and Shoko and warm heats start becoming something that's obviously going to be a Thing. For omegas, the school's archaic directors don't encourage suppressing the heats, even though it's safe with the right monitoring. It's the toss up of having the two strongest students down for a few days out of every other month but the higher-ups generally conceded it's worth the break.

Suguru doesn't mean to seek you out but you all live near one another in the student housing so it happens. Warm heats make him sleepy and a little dizzy and he'll sometimes end up curled up on one of the common space couches if you've left a jacket or something around. If those things of yours disappear for a few days they always end up returned, washed and folded.

The relationships that sorcerers form are very weird (from the point of view of theoretical social outsiders)

The danger of being a sorcerer and the constant threat of an early death means that people are careful about getting close to one another. A lot of people end up avoiding acknowledging emotional closeness because they thing it's kind of an automatic curse (regret) or because they think it's not worth burdening someone with the words

Also, in the field there's an expectation of trust in whomever you're fighting alongside - ideally you should trust the person you are with to do what they can and also do whatever you can. However, sorcerers are specialized humans fighting against the embodiment of fears. Sorcerers to some extent can't trust each other to hold up 100% in the face of that and fighting styles and techniques can be so individual it becomes impossible to fight alongside someone else

But people still have needs or desires for emotional and physical intimacy and this isn't exclusive to omegas or alphas and their particular brand of physical needs

When you notice Suguru taking your clothes, you treat it more like family members giving one another things to bring to their nest. It's not a courting thing, but he ends up with a blanket of yours that's in his room more often than not and he'll put some of his things into your laundry with the silent intent of stealing it back later.

When he doesn't want to be harassed by alphas in the the non-sorcerer world, he'll come out with you if there's no other group to be with or Satoru isn't in town

If you're both at the school and it isn't busy, he asks you if you mind if he doesn't wear scent blockers while at the dorm, which is typical for home-life in family homes but he asks, which comes off as polite and doesn't have to mean anything

You all eat together often so it's not weird if you know his food preferences and he knows yours

Sharing music comes naturally. He's more of an introvert and you all study together so it's not anything specific when you start sharing headphones

If he starts falling asleep next to you the morning after a bad night, well he and Satoru have fallen asleep on each other on the train too so it's not anything particular.

Except he wants it to be. Maybe. He's still a sorcerer and you're all barely crossing sixteen so does he get to want this? He's starting to want something and he doesn't know if you want the same thing. (He doesn't know if Satoru knows he wants the same thing too...)

And then Riko happens. Riko happens and Satoru almost dies and he isn't allowed to die, you almost die and everything starts to fall apart.

The last year, the higher-ups start sending him on a lot of individual missions or missions with people who essentially stood back and watched. You start getting sent out with weaker teams to even the odds. You're with him sometimes but it's not enough.

You're still at the school more often than Satoru but it's not enough. He wants different things from you and Satoru and Suguru isn't enough.

He hides when his first full heat hits. He makes Shoko give him scent blockers and safe suppressants and against all instinct to find you, he hides.

When you see him afterwards, a mistake brought on by being too tired to sense you near, he tells you he's fine. You don't believe him, but he's come to you before when something is wrong. He may not tell you what's going on, but he's sought you out in the months since the merger failed. You think that whatever it is, you have more time.

He just nudges against your shoulder and shuffles to his room to sleep off the exhaustion. You bring him a bottle of water and leave him alone. Is that the moment? If you'd read the tension in his shoulders and stayed, would that have been enough?

He's exhausted body and soul when he finds Mimiko and Nanako, when he makes his decision and disappears

You see him only once after that. Shoko sends you a picture while she's waiting for you to meet up. It just says "shinjuku".

There is one world in which you run. You don't know where you're going. You can't feel him. You have no idea where to find him. But you run up a crowded street and from the shadows, Suguru lets you run by him and sees tears on your cheeks.

In another though, you come from the other direction and he stops you, just the barest flicker of his energy appearing, like his hand brushing your arm, and you stop like he knew, like he hoped, you would, and ask him a question.

#getou suguru #a/b/o dynamics #omegaverse #omega!suguru #getou suguru x reader #it gets complicated to write the same alpha for two characters #but they are so similar in their desires that in this case i think it works #jjk #jjk does wonderfully with parallels and foils so the hard part becomes time lining for both versions of the alpha #at least in my head #i also think it's funny though that if alpha stays with satoru they suffer a lot as a shaman #and to some extent on a personal level because loving and being loved by a bodhisattva is difficult #if they stay with suguru they also suffer a lot but while being domestic in his fancy hideout while he slowly self destructs #and loving someone who becomes a totally twisted version of the person they used to be is also difficult #alpha!reader #alpha reader

[burningtheroots]

Hey girl. I’m a 21 year old cis woman, so roughly the same age as you. This could be a long one so I apologize in advance. I hope this doesn’t come across as patronizing or rude, I come from a place of kindness. I, like you, have chosen to be a feminist and uplift women and women’s voices and lives. But it seems you’ve chosen a path that differs from my own, and I don’t think you realize how you, yourself, are upholding the patriarchy. It’s true that gender identity is a social construct, and modern day gender identities rely on the patriarchy to exist. But they are also deeply rooted in colonialism. Gender and sex have been different for a very very long time, and many cultures before colonization embraced many different sex and gender identities free from modern day patriarchal concepts. What you’ve been told about sex and gender are rooted in patriarchal understandings of sex. The modern day understanding of sex NEEDS the patriarchy, to exist. Sex is a spectrum, the two ends being male and female. The patriarchy wants just male and female, so one can be superior to the other based on ancient (and white) societal concepts. With a wider range of sex identities, less men exist, and it becomes harder to be superior. I encourage you to take a look at how other cultures viewed women, and people of other genders, before colonization. It wasn’t all “women are lesser to men,” that’s just what most people learn because that’s what upholds the patriarchy. As a woman, I understand your fear of men invading our spaces to hurt us. But trans women are not going to do that, the process of transitioning is long and complicated and I encourage you to learn more about it. By putting down transgender people you are ultimately siding with the very men who do want to hurt you, and they want to hurt transgender people too. The people restricting abortion rights, divorce rights, all womens rights, are the same people restricting trans rights. Have you never stopped to think why that is? It’s because they go against the patriarchy, the societal norm. You and I will never be free while we put down other minority groups. We must focus on the true goal of eliminating the patriarchy and this war against trans people is a distraction. I promise you, if a man wanted to invade the spaces of women, they would not go through years of hormone replacement, put on women’s clothing, grow out their hair, and act/talk feminine to do so. You and I both know they just have to walk in. I implore you, talk to some trans people there are many on this platform. Interact with biologists to learn about human sex and gender and how they work, both are so interesting and complex it’s a real shame we learn none of it. I hope one day things get better for both of us.

I respect your effort, but you underestimate the amount of research I‘ve done and experience I‘ve gained. I‘m familiar with transgenderism and trans rights activism as I used to be part of the movement.

Gender critical feminists don‘t side with (conservative) men. Whilst it might superficially seem that way (critical of trans ideology), these men want to stick to traditional gender roles & stereotypes whereas we want to abolish it altogether.

Sex is not a spectrum. Sex is dichotomous. You‘re either biologically male or female. Intersex people are often used as "evidence" for the claim that sex isn‘t binary, but what your community likes to leave out is that intersex people are still either male or female (intersex male & intersex female). Disorders of sexual development and sexual dimorphism are not the same as transgenderism, which is entirely based on gender (a patriarchal construct).

There are already examples of transitioned men who use their gender identity to enter women‘s spaces, including prisons, and men who transition during their prison sentences.

Regardless, self-ID laws are dangerous and whether a man is truly dysphoric or not doesn’t justify putting women at risk, especially since 'transwomen' are statistically just as prone to male pattern violence as men who aren‘t trans.

Dysphoria is a psychological condition and should be treated accordingly. That doesn’t mean anyone has to stick to traditional gender roles — just be yourself and do what you want, wear dresses, use makeup etc. — or don’t — but don’t call yourself a woman when you‘re male & don‘t invade women‘s spaces when you‘re male.

#radfem #radblr #radical feminism #feminism #radfems do touch #radfems do interact #women deserve better #radfems please touch #womens rights #sex based rights #transgender #terfblr

[variousqueerthings]

Oh the lake district’s lovely, let’s definitely go there, we can have scones in 1920

it's The Rings Of Akhaten! And oooh I have some thoughts about this one, but I think they don't relate much to the rating's system, because its core, to begin with, is quite different from a lot of M*ffat era type stories, and just for that I find it quite good. there are things, mainly the climax of it, and we can discuss that in a few of the Points

three things to praise right off the bat though: Clara is pretty great, she has a past, and there's an actually very good child actor in this one. There have been a lot of child actors in this era of DW and I'd say the majority of them are... cute... because they're kids and that's what they're bringing. very very few of them have been actually good (or possibly given the chance to do anything good, considering some of the ways kids have been written), but this character is great and I think she's wonderful at inhabiting it

ANYWAY, ranking away:

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 8/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 4/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 6/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 8/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 5/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 6/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 8/10

FULL RATING: 81/100 (if I can count….)

and once more onto the breach!

OBJECTIFICATION: Can I say just generally Clara is pretty delightful in this episode, I think she feels like a person, in both the way she's presented and in the story

PLOT-POINT: the thing is, yes her family history is presented in the same episode as that history is used to fulfill a plotpoint, buuut she's already got more real family history than Amy ever received, and it feels like it reflects who she is as a person, and her actions in this episode

will memories of her mum come back throughout, will the book which was featured in the last two episodes, I don't know, but I can keep them as part of her ongoing background at least

COMPLEXITY: SOOooooo this episode is actually sort of under-explained if anything. the first half is pretty darned great, love the kid who's a "keeper of the stories and songs," love that suddenly she's a sacrifice, the way that both Clara and the Doctor talk to Merry Gejehl is suuuuch a breath of fresh air after feeling like the dialogue hasn't been particularly good at talking with kids on the whole

think it then got a bit unattached from Character, and went into the Doctor being awesome vs a giant round orb, when I think the interesting part of the story isn't really the God, or the Doctor, it's Merry Gejehl and the culture she represents in the story

it would be interesting I think if the last half had maybe had a cult that wanted the Grandfather to wake up and eat the planets as sacrifice, or even if the Grandfather hadn't just been a big smiley weird Thing -- maybe even not a mindless Parasite, but something worthy of the worship perhaps?

I still think it's a much better episode than perhaps given credit, and truly that's down to Clara's personality, and Merry Gejehl, they're scene-stealers in this one (and the music)

the great sadness perhaps is seeing the ways it could have been Better, not that its bones don't work

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: Clara's first big trip with the Doctor and it's a big ol' alien world! I saw some reviews saying it felt like it was try-hard or ogling the aliens too much, but I was quite welcoming it. I realised that Amy on the whole didn't have many aliens on a casually alien planet with culture and Stuff (I counted three and all of them are a bit of a stretch: flesh and stone/time of angels (stretch), the doctor's wife (stretch), asylum of the daleks (stretch))

anyway, this belongs on Internal World really, but it's a good start in my opinion, and Clara takes to it very well, and also immediately spots a child and tries to help her, showing off her mettle and sharing her past with her

on the whole it's just showing Clara on her first real outing and I think it's a good one for her to do so on

additionally, I find it quite fun that the Tardis doesn't like Amy. I'm choosing to believe it's because she called it the "Snog Box" last episode, because yeah, stupid shit, the Tardis is everything!

COMPANIONS MATTER: SHE MATTERS! the main gist of the plot is driven by her to begin with, and then she comes in again at various points as both emotional core, and literal plot-solver (in an emotional way). and it feels like she has feelings -- she's afraid of the hoverbike early on, gripping onto the Doctor after they land, and later she has to take it out on her own to save the Doctor and everyone else

dare I say it? I like Clara based off these two episodes!

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: Sooo I think the episode's weak point is the Doctor vs the Parasite Planet God, where it's a bit too much the Doctor pontificating about how cool he is -- granted the Doctor's memories aren't enough, but it starts a whole part where the plot is just less interesting and it makes me roll my eyes a bit, especially as it overshadows Merry Gejehl's central importance, which was running the rest of the story

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: not much in the way of past Doctor Who except that thing the Doctor does of occasionally throwing a devastating bit of past out without following up on it, love that -- in this case it's the existence of a granddaughter in the past, whom the Doctor once took to this planet

“SEXINESS”: NOT A SINGLE THING FUCK YEAH

INTERNAL WORLD: both quite good and then again, in that second half. it sets up so many interesting questions. how does it work, being the keeper of songs and stories? how do they get chosen? why are some chosen to be sacrifices? why did the planet become a God and why does it need to be sung to? is that relationship returned to a status quo or something better? who were those creepy beings meant to feed Merry to it? etcetc.

it's almost there in that I find it quite tantalising, and then it doesn't go deep enough, but I still find the things it does show very very fun!

POLITICS: I rated this sort of middly, because I think it could have had politics, but didn't so much. however note the great female characters of this episode!

EDIT: I actually do think it's worth saying how much this one is about Merry again, and Merry is a kid who has no rights and at some point believes her life is worth nothing but being this holy sacrifice, and she becomes convinced by the Doctor and Clara that she has worth, and that is actually wonderfully powerful messaging for kids who don't get enough of it by far, so I'm bumping it up a couple of points!

FULL RATING: 71/100 (if I can count….)

I think this episode is given undue hate (or was when it was released, I think it's experiencing a renaissance), and I think it's because its first half is genuinely great and you want it to stick the landing, and it doesn't quite. but it's not a bad ending, it's just kind of... there, although Clara is pretty cool during it

but I think it gives the opportunity to look into a bit of Doctor Who we haven't seen in a good long while, the casually alien. I think once again the child actress is great, I think Clara is great, I think the underlying world premise is great, and deserves to be poked at to be given something More, not because it was bad, but because it showed so much promise!

for me it's all about the scene of Clara and Merry hiding behind the Tardis, while Clara tells Merry about being afraid

#im watching nu!who #im watching eleven who #the rings of akhaten #the measurement

[sheocheese]

I think more teens / young adults should have adult friends, and more adults should be open to being that friend.

Let me explain:

I know the internet has thought us that everyone over 29 who as much as TALKS to someone under 25 is a groomer and a creep and what have you, but the reality is just. Not like that? (obligatory "Yes bad people who will take advantage of younger folks do exist and yes still be careful who you trust and all that" disclaimer)

We are 4 trainees at my job, the youngest of us is 19. I'm the second oldest at 31. At first I felt kinda weird hanging out with and talking to the 19yo because of what the internet taught me, but I learned very quick that not only is she genuinely interested in my experiences and opinions and often actively asks me for my input, but that there is really nothing weird about it. Heck, it's normal!!* and the best part: We both benefit from it! Today I took her along to go grocery shopping after work. She has no car/driving license and thus no way to do a bigger shopping trip, and I had to buy a few things before the weekend as well so I offered to help out. She asked SO MANY questions, like how do I find out which option is the cheapest? What do I have to look out for when buying fresh fruit and veggies? Where do I find what and why do they keep changing it? Stuff that she could never ask her abusive mother. And I was happy to tell her! It helped A LOT with my anxiety I usually battle with in public spaces, and I felt SO useful, like heck yes! Let me teach you! Let me help you understand the stupid world that we live in so you can navigate it better! Let be be a positive influence! And after not even 3 months of working with this girl, I can already see that I really am having a positive influence on her. That I (and our other coworkers) have changed her somewhat conservative views on things, because before taking on this job, the only adults in her life were shitty. She had no idea how diverse and colorful and different other people can be, and that that's a good thing and nothing to be afraid of. She wants to quit smoking now, not because I or someone else told her she should, but because she has heard our coworkers who smoke openly regretting that they ever started.

So yeah I really, really think that older teens and young adults can greatly benefit from just. Hanging out with someone who is 10, 20, or even more years older than them and not their parent. Getting some new input/perspective on the world. And while an adult hanging out with a teen may not learn a lot other than some new words and the newest tiktok trends or whatever, I think they can benefit from the experience of being a positive influence. Of teaching others, even if it's about mundane things like grocery store queing etiquette. Especially if you struggle with things like depression, seeing how much you can help someone just by sharing your own experience can be great.

*A bit of context here because I feel it's important, especially for US americans: I live in Germany. If you want to get into a job, especially an artisinal one but this really applies to most fields, you have to work as a Trainee for 3 entire years and pass some tests before you can officially call yourself a "baker" or "gardener" or whatever your field is. So seeing a 16 yo fresh out of shool working and hanging out with the adult workers of the company is normal, especially if they learn their craft at a smaller business where they are the only trainee.

#sheo talks #long post #text post #idk man this has just been on my mind for weeks now #and I think its beautiful

[thisaintascenereviews]

Tanner Adell – Buckle Bunny / Willie Jones – Something To Dance To

Country music is having a big moment in the spotlight right now. Depending on who you ask, that’s either a good thing or a bad thing. The top three songs as of this moment on the Billboard 100 are country songs, which might be the first time that’s ever happened, or the first time in many years that’s it’s happened. Regardless of who the artists are, or the quality of the songs, it’s a big deal, regardless. With that said, though, I wanted to avoid one of these songs. Jason Aldean’s “Try That In A Small Town” debuted at number two last week, but it shot up to number one. I could sit here and talk about how the song is full of racist dog whistles that allude to “sundown towns,” or how the song paints small town living as this Andy Griffith-style utopia, where everybody gets along and there no problems whatsoever, even though the reality is a lot more nuanced, but I don’t want to do that. A lot of other people already have, and there’s a great podcast episode from The New York Times’ pop culture podcast Popcast that does a great job going into detail about the song and how this type of song is nothing new in country music, and how Aldean is fully embracing his conservative beliefs by putting that into his music.

I don’t have anything else to add to the conversation, but the reason I bring it up is because I was hoping the song would crash and burn within its second week on the Billboard 100. It might take a couple of weeks for that to happen, as the only reason the song has any pull is through the push from Aldean’s conservative base, and with the way conservative discourse usually runs, they’ll find something new to champion or try to boycott within the next week. Maybe the song will start to drop next week, but right now, it’s part of the zeitgeist and so is country music. The other two artists in the top three are Morgan Wallen, who faced a similar controversy within the last couple of years, and Luke Combs, whose cover of “Fast Car” has been doing quite well, and that’s why I wanted to bring that up. Country music has only been getting more popular as time has gone on. Despite how reviled “bro-country” was in the early 2010s, it did numbers. Florida Georgia Line, Luke Bryan, and all these guys sell records, despite how bad most people think they are, but it shows they have their fans.

On the flip side, however, you have artists like Tyler Childers, Colter Wall, Jason Isbell, and a lot of artists that are more “progressive” within the country genre, whether it’s politically and/or musically. A lot of them started out in the independent circuit, but a guy like Tyler Childers has blown up considerably, especially with his new song that has the same conservatives that love “Try That In A Small Town” in a tizzy, but there is still a bit of an issue with the artists I mentioned – they’re all straight white guys. Country music has always been a genre for straight, white, and conservative white men. The same goes for most styles of music, such as rock and metal, but country has always been very much a man’s game, considering the “bro-country” moniker, named for songs about girls, beer, and trucks, that was popular in the early 2010s. You don’t see a lot of women or people of color in the genre, at least in the upper echelon of the genre. Sure, you have Lainey Wilson, Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood, and other artists like that, but they’re not often taken as seriously, because they’re women. People of color are rarely found in the genre, minus Charley Pride and Darius Rucker, but that’s starting to change.

Looking back at bro-country in retrospect, maybe it was necessary for what’s happening in country now, since there’s a subset of country music that’s blurring the lines between genres, including elements of pop, hip-hop, and R&B, but in a more genuine and interesting way that doesn’t sound like it’s coming from a straight white guy that is performing a song written by other people. I think it started with Lil Nas X back in 2019 when he released “Old Town Road,” but since then, a few other artists have emerged that do something very similar, including Breland, Willie Jones, and Tanner Adell. I’ll be talking about the latter two artists today, because they dropped new records this year. Tanner Adell’s new album just came out, but that inspired me to go back and listen to Willie Jones’ new one from a few months ago. The reason I wanted to talk about them both at the same time is because I feel very similarly about both albums, but there’s a larger point to be made about inclusivity within country music, and how exciting it is that more voices are being able to be heard, whether it’s a Black woman or a Black man. Both Adell and Jones are very fascinating because they take country music and ultimately throw in a myriad of other influences, such as pop, R&B, and hip-hop.

I’ve been a fan of Willie Jones for a minute now, as I found his debut record, 2021’s Right Now, and it was a rather fun, catchy, and interesting combination of sounds that felt very genuine and exciting. The lyrical content was quite solid, too, not saying anything too different from your average country songs, such as about romance, drinking, heartbreak, and things of that nature, but there was a song on that record that brought a unique perspective to the genre by speaking openly about Jones being a Black man within country music. His newest LP, Something To Dance To, doesn’t have anything that deep, or even anything remotely sad or depressing, but the album is surprisingly very positive. While Right Now had a few songs that were about heartbreak, Something To Dance To is a very happy-go-lucky record with song titles like “Let’s Be A Love Song,” “I Can’t Complain,” or “Lil Vibe.” A lot of this record is about celebrating what you have and who you have it with, or just making the most of the moment. Some songs stray from these ideas, such as “Down By The Riverside,” or “No Tellin’,” which is a song that tells a story of Jones and another woman cheating on their partners with each other, and songs like “Slow Cookin’” and “Soul Food” use a lot of southern food metaphors to describe love. Hell, the title track is almost a spiritual successor to “Country Soul” from Right Now, because both songs are about the same thing – how Jones either listens to and/or performs different genres of music. The title track to this record, however, is more so about how it doesn’t matter what you listen to, but if you put on “something to dance to.” That’s where I’d say this album shines, not necessarily the subject matter of the lyrics, but how seamless Jones is able to combine certain styles of music, usually country with something else, such as R&B, soul, hip-hop, or pop music. He’s very blatant about being influenced by other kinds of music, but country music is always the backbone, whether it’s in the subject matter or his very smooth southern drawl that sounds unique.

Tanner Adell is a bit different, both in terms of the way she combines pop, R&B, and country, but mainly for her subject matter. She originally got popular on Tik Tok through releasing snippets of the title track of her debut, Buckle Bunny, and it was an R&B-meets-country song, but the whole record is rather diverse. A few songs on here have a more pop-country tone, such as “Throw It Back,” “FU-150,” or “See You In Church,” but songs like “Buckle Bunny,” “Bake It,” and “Trailer Park Barbie” have a prominent R&B tone to them. “Strawberry Crush” and “I Hate Texas” are more pop-centric songs, and the latter track doesn’t feature any country instrumentation in it, but more so in its vocal and lyrical tone. Adell is a wonderful singer, and a lot of these hooks are utterly fantastic. Granted, nothing sounds incredibly unique, especially the pop-country stuff, like on “Throw It Back” or “See You In Church,” but it’s where she goes for unorthodox sounds that really work, such as “Bake It,” or the title track. The lyrical content on this record, aside from her voice, is honestly what sells it. “Strawberry Crush,” for example, is about Adell fantasizing about hooking up with a woman that she randomly sees in a grocery store while shopping with her boyfriend. I’ve never heard a bisexual country song before, but it’s rather unique subject matter, especially for country music. “Throw It Back” is a clever and fun song that says to treat a man like a fish and “throw it back” if he treats you badly, and “I Hate Texas” is a song that talks about how Adell hates Texas for getting heartbroken as a teenager and realizing that she wouldn’t get her “storybook ending,” ultimately only hating it for the memories she has of this person.

Both of these records ultimately make me feel the same way, and it’s that I enjoy them very much, and I’m very excited for where certain parts of country music are going. It looks like the genre is getting more inclusive and artists that have never gotten the chance to get a voice are doing just that. These are both wonderful records that are also very short. Jones’ new album is only 34 minutes, whereas Adell’s debut is only 24, and because of how much I enjoy them, I’ve been listening to them a few times a day. I wanted to highlight both of these records, not just because they’re new and I had something to say about them, but because with the discourse surrounding “Try That In A Small Town,” I wanted to highlight a couple of artists that are making country music exciting. People who aren’t into country, or already have a negative connotation with it, might look at that song, or any number of popular songs right now, and write off the whole genre. Country music isn’t my favorite kind of music, but I’ve found there’s a lot in it that’s worth enjoying. There are also a lot of artists that are doing unique or interesting things, such as Willie Jones and Tanner Adell. These are most likely going to be a couple of my favorite albums of this year, whether it’s for how catchy they are, how unique they are, and how much fun I have listening to them.

#willie jones #tanner adell #something to dance to #right now #buckle bunny #fu-150 #bake it #see you in church #lil vibe #strawberry crush #pop #r&b #country #country music #breland #lil nas x #florida georgia line #hip-hop #throw it back #trailer park barbie

[swanhookheart]

Let’s get something really clear here: liberals are right-wing.

“But Katie! That’s not… what about… well…”

Lemme break it down for you.

Leftists in this country, who are very often from marginalized communities, tend to support certain “leftist ideals” that support those marginalized communities. There are the basic ones like unions and a living wage, the call to tax corporations at fair rates, the idea that people with vaginas ought to have bodily autonomy and LGBTQ people deserve the freedom to marry and participate fully in society.

But then there are the “controversial” ones, like maybe not funding the cops or funding them LESS and diverting that money toward social programs, or the idea that our taxpayer money shouldn’t be funding a genocide. Orrrr that the state of Israel itself has some serious problems that need to be addressed from the ground up—since it’s not okay for a country’s existence to be predicated on stealing land from, beating, murdering, imprisoning, and eventually just straight-up ethnic cleansing the people who already live there.

Plenty of formerly registered Democrats are now saying, having witnessed the atrocities in Gaza, that they don’t want to be part of this two-party system anymore because the two parties look basically the same at this point. There is no “lesser of two evils”; they’re both just fucking evil. So we decide to vote third-party. And, of course, we’re demonized for it.

Not by conservatives, no, but by liberals. None of the attacks are coming from conservatives, in fact; it’s “concerned” liberals every time who come into our comments and attempt to threaten and browbeat us into supporting their chosen fossil.

“If you vote third-party, I hope you’ll enjoy being forced to carry a child against your will under Trump!”

“I hope you enjoy being beaten up because of your gender”

To BIPOC, they reply with:

“I hope you enjoy being hate-crimed when Trump wins!”

“I hope you enjoy all the Islamophobia you’re going to receive!”

“I hope you enjoy having your remaining rights stripped away!”

There’s always a digital equivalent of a smirk playing across their faces as they type these things out, a smugness that seeps into these threats—because they are threats.

Now, the reason (which I’ve been struggling to articulate for some time) that these things get to me is because all of these kinds of comments carry with them the clear implication that marginalized communities will DESERVE these things, that marginalized communities have EARNED these things—by not voting for their guy.

What that reveals is both terrifying and immensely sad, but BIPOC have been telling us this truth for *years*:

Liberals’ support for marginalized communities is conditional, based on those communities voting the way they want, or being otherwise useful to them. Their support for marginalized communities has always been conditional, and it always will be…

Because they were never actually left-wing. They support all the same things that the Republicans do, which is why they keep appealing to Republicans for votes. They never actually gave a damn about the people, and they never will. They care about money and power—that’s it. They have more in common with conservatives than they do leftists, and their “support” was never anything more than performative.

And if this group can so smugly reveal that they don’t give a damn about these communities, why the hell should these communities give a damn about them?

#politics #rant #palestine #USA #american politics