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greyeyedmonster-18 · 2 years

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Dr Grey, I was in the middle of a very long morning, after a sleepless night (where I literally spent three hours just staring at my ceiling, trying to fall asleep again on the one day this week I could actually get up late) and chugging down my third cup of coffee when I stumbled upon your Raising Harry WIP. Sorry about the complaining earlier, but I felt it was necessary to highlight just how much that post made my day!!! It made me smile, my morning was suddenly brighter, and I had something to look forward to for my next break (which was going back and rereading it) THANK YOU - it was beautiful! The tentative interactions so far between Sirius and Harry, Sirius trying so so hard to rebuild himself piece by piece… all of it was so gorgeous!

anonnnnn. this is very very kind of you to say (though i am very sorry about the lack of sleep and the day job and the coffee chugging. i feel this on a spiritual level)

thank you for the love on my little raising harry, never to be posted full fic! i truly truly appreciate it (and everyone else who has passed along kind words in the reblogs/tags). there's something about this particular story that doesn't feel cohesive to me, and i am hoping that in time, I'll figure out whats missing and be able to yeet it out to all of you!

but in the mean time....i can give you the other part of this little story that i enjoy:

The intention of the outing wasn’t to annoy Harry, but as it was, as the day went on, Harry’s normally very pleasant disposition was turning sour. In a way, it was a relief. Sirius had been reading enough about parenthood through muggle books and memoirs and knew the teenage years were tumultuous, but from what Sirius had seen…it had been quiet, painless.

Harry was easy to please.

Harry wanted to please Sirius.

Harry just wanted the peace to be kept, and the quiet to be there, and while it was pleasant, enjoyable, Sirius knew it always wasn’t entirely authentic. He had expected at least a little bit of pushback when Sirius had asked Harry if he wanted to go into Diagon Alley that day.

“Shopping? For what?”

“I got the book list early from Rem--Professor Lupin, and thought it wouldn’t hurt to get them today. Maybe throw in some new robes as well? Shoes?”

“Clothes shopping?” Harry asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand quickly.

“I certainly need some, my uncle had…a much louder view of clothing than I do,” Sirius commented, looking down at the burgundy striped trousers he had taken from his Uncles wardrobe that morning, “And you, by the looks of it. Unless of course you fancy wearing Fuschia robes to your next party?”

Harry made a face briefly, “Not…really.”

“We can go to the Quidditch Supply shop too if you’d like. See what’s out for that broom of yours?” Sirius asked, as he studied Harry carefully, wondering if this moment was going to be the first time Harry vehemently disagreed with something Sirius suggested. It was obvious, to Sirius anyway, that Harry had no interest in shopping in the slightest, even if Sirius had been biding his time until he could shower his godson with new clothes. Proper clothes. T-shirts that weren’t so faded without holes and jeans that wouldn’t be falling off Harry’s hips even while belted. A jacket that would actually keep him warm, instead of Harry relying on school cloaks. Sirius had been appalled when he had asked Harry if he needed help unpacking, there’s room in the coat closet if you don’t want to put your winter things in your room, only to find out Harry merely had a hooded jacket and his school cloak.

“Alright,” Harry shrugged and tucked into his breakfast again.

But as the outing dragged on, and the bags in Sirius’s hands multiplied, he could tell that Harry was growing weary.

Harry dragged his feet, no longer amazed at being in Diagon Alley, and falling behind Sirius’s steps.

Harry kicked at cobblestones and started to ignore Sirius’s questions when they went into shops. Harry would stand back with his hands in his pockets, not saying much of anything.

Parenting books didn’t mention how you were supposed to navigate this. Parenting books only gave you half the picture and nowhere in them described how to encourage your godson to throw a tantrum and disagree with you without having him throw too big of a tantrum that resulted in screaming in a public space and damaging an entire relationship that was still being haphazardly pushed together, like belongings in a moving box.

“Do you want to go to Quality Quidditch Supplies?” Sirius asked, “Or wait until the last stop?”

“Dunno.”

Parenting books also left out the script you were supposed to use when your child responded with I don’t know.

“It’s no trouble--”

“I don’t know,” Harry mumbled again, his head looking down at his feet as they walked, “Doesn’t matter…”

“I--”

“I don’t care, whatever you want.”

“I’m not the one who has a firebolt, so--”

“So we don’t have to go, it’s okay, it’s whatever,” Harry said and Sirius watched as his godson appeared to stop himself from a footstamp for emphasis, before thinking better. Sirius’s mouth twisted into a barely hidden smile, thinking about Lily who up until the day she died would stamp her foot when she wasn’t getting her way. During arguments went James, once in the hallway with Sirius when he told her he wasn’t going to a party thrown by their old Potions professor. Nostalgia, aside, however, Sirius wasn’t sure what to do, trying to keep moving to not disrupt the crowds but having trouble making any sort of decision while doing so.

He stopped, and took a breath.

Harry stopped too.

“...Ice cream?” Sirius asked.

“What?”

“Let’s go get ice cream instead.”

Harry squinted up at Sirius bringing a hand up to block the sun, “I thought--”

“Yeah, well…I think I’d rather have ice cream. What say you?”

Like poking a needle into a balloon and watching it slowly deflate, Sirius saw Harry visibly loose the pent up anger and annoyance at the mention of ice cream. His shoulders relaxing, hands were taken out of his pockets, a half-smile even.

“Yeah. I…Yeah.”

The crowds of people simply moved around two statues standing still in the walkway, and Sirius simply changed the script. Quidditch shops would be there, so would the opportunity to buy Harry new shoes, and Sirius hope there would be time left yet for Harry to have a proper teenage meltdown over something trivial. It wasn’t that day, though, Florean Flortesques’s the opposite direction, and towards the entrance where Sirius had left his car in a muggle car park. It was summer, the heat only getting worse throughout the afternoon and the shop was busy, but they managed to find a spot to sit outside, Sirius waving his wand to cast a cooling charm around them, and pulling his sunglasses back over his eyes. Harry noticed, and hesitated to sit down, looking back at the busy shop.

“We can sit inside,” Harry said, “I think there was a table…”

“With all the chocolate spilled on it?” Sirius asked, “And that child with her sticky hands, no thanks.”

“You don’t know she had sticky hands,” Harry giggled a little, taking a spoonful of his chocolate ice cream putting it into his mouth. Sirius had asked if Harry wanted one of their other flavors, wanted toppings, or even sprinkles, but Harry just shook his head. Just chocolate.

“I could just tell. Kids always have sticky hands…”

“Did they have a lot of kids in Azkaban?” Harry asked, and Sirius immediately laughed, caught off guard by the quick-snark and the boldness of the statement, Harry ducking down to hide a smile behind another bite of ice cream. People around them turned at the loud, bright laughter, Sirius realizing it had been some time since he had laughed that hard.

“Fair enough, cheeky…” Sirius took a bite of his own ice cream--lemon-- noticing how the smile hadn’t left Harry’s face yet. Noticing how relaxed Harry looked for the first time all summer, more relaxed eating ice cream than he was in their tiny kitchen.

“I just mean I know…you have a hard time in sunlight, and it’s not like you wanted ice cream…you just thought I would…and--”

“I love ice cream, Harry. Actually, I don’t think I ate enough of it when I was your age or older. Professor Lupin always had to have a carton in the house though, we had a magical cupboard and--” Sirius stopped himself before he got carried away. Before thoughts of Remus and their beat up tiny flat from another lifetime ago crept too far into the forefront of his mind and he was unable to wish anything else for himself. Calling him Professor Lupin only did so much to distance himself from memories that Sirius used when dementors rolled around. He could forget about the cold ground and the aches in his body if he just thought of Sunday mornings and kisses over cups of coffee, a record playing and sun streaming in through second-hand curtains they had found in a bin at a yard sale.

“You had a cupboard in the dorm?” Harry asked.

Sirius laughed awkwardly, running a hand over the back of his hair quickly, “No, uhm…I meant when he came to visit…when I lived with your Dad. We…always made sure we had ice cream in the cool cupboard.”

“Oh,” Harry nodded, taking Sirius’s fumbled explanation at face value.

“And don’t worry about me and the outside…it’s good for me, and I know you like being outside…don’t you?”

“Yeah but inside is fine too if you--”

“Remember what I said when I asked about your bedroom? And if you wanted to change anything?” he asked, “Same with the Vegetable Catastrophe of Last Week? You’re allowed to have…preferences, and opinions, even. I’m not going to be cross at you for telling me how you feel. Ever. Even if its rude or…you’re not happy with someone or you’re really angry because beets are a terrible vegetable….I’d much rather know how you’re feeling.”

“Why?”

Sirius stalled, trying to keep his face neutral as he figured out a way to answer the question, knowing he had to do it quick or Harry would back peddle, ice cream apparently being the perfect tool to begin harder conversations, barriers melting in tandem with the treat, “...Why wouldn’t I?”

“...dunno…”

“There is…nothing in the world that I would rather concern myself with than how you are feeling, Harry. I have endless free time and endless money and…everything, but you’re my priority. Do you know that?”

“I guess.”

“You guess, nutter…” Sirius shook his head and Harry laughed a little, putting another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

“...Then…can we go home? After this? Please?”

It was later than usual the next day when Sirius finally heard Harry’s bedroom door open, and the light footsteps coming down the hall, his godson emerging wearing a new shirt and a pair of shorts they had bought yesterday. The comforting good morning was exchanged, Sirius standing up and immediately starting to prepare breakfast for Harry. Prepare tea the way Harry took it, a cup of water floating through the air and onto the table first. It wasn’t until they were halfway through, sounds of the waves through the open kitchen window, a bowl of fruit and two plates on the table that Harry looked up at Sirius.

“Sirius?”

“Everything alright?”

Harry nodded, and put down his fork slowly, “I was…wondering if today we could maybe go down to the beach? If you’re not busy.”

Sirius took a breath, trying to do his very best impression of nonchalant as he smiled at Harry, “Sure we can. We…can go after breakfast, if you’d like.”

#asks #grey answers #sirius black #harry potter #raising harry #work in process #an unpublish au

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dangerously-human · 2 years

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elevator pitch to convince someone to watch farscape? i've seen some intriguing gifs and have a rough idea of the plot, so i'd be interested in how you would sell me on it :)

Ooh boy, I love this question, though given how beautifully other people have phrased the great things about this show, it feels like a lot of pressure lol. Okay, well, I'll start with this: I know you also love Stargate Atlantis, yet get frustrated by how some plots don't feel cohesive with the rest of the story, or how sometimes characterization unravels for convenience. Farscape has a lot of the same things I love about Stargate Atlantis - like all good sci-fi, it explores hope and home and humanity by way of exploration and asking probing questions of its audience, for starters, and its characters make decisions like real people, not always the right ones - but it doesn't do any of that two steps forward, one step back because we wrote ourselves into a corner thing. The stakes are high when it makes sense, small when that's what called for, and the consequences are real. When good or bad things happen in this show, they truly affect the characters, they carry forward into the following episodes - there's no "trauma goes away at the end of the episode" reset button, and there are all sorts of callbacks to small details over time. The character development is off the charts, honestly. All of our main protagonists (and even many of the antagonists) become more fully realized over time and change, they grow and devolve and develop in believable and meaningful ways. In short, the storytelling is top-notch. And on the subject of character development, that goes for the relationships (of all kinds) between the characters, too. Their arcs all affect one another, which I love. Nowhere is this more impactful than the romance between John and Aeryn. They've got this incredible push-pull thing down; they love each other intensely, almost from the start, but they have a lot to work through to figure out what to actually do with that fact. One day, maybe I'll find better words to explain the way these two captivate and utterly destroy me, but suffice to say, their relationship is truly a highlight of the show. Then there's the fact that this is balls-to-the-wall wacky sci-fi that doesn't even sort of flinch away from how bizarre it is. We're talking Muppets in space as our baseline, okay, and this show fully embraces its weirdness. It's lovably earnest and genuinely hilarious and emotionally raw and above all, absolutely bonkers, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

#personal #farscape

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lulullia · 10 months

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Lyphuriaa Progress Report #1

Well, it's been a long while since my last post, because since then I've been in input – or learning – mode and spent my days absorbing information on my favorite topic: storytelling.

Before that, I was really creatively blocked, unable to do anything but stare at the screen trying to get my body to f-ing move and start drawing, writing, or coding – with little success. And so, in the process of searching for stuff to consume and kill time with, I remembered a favorite, huge resource I had already started reading but needed to finish, and that's how I ended up switching to input mode.

Lesson learnt: sometimes, if you're blocked and taking breaks doesn't help, it may just be because you're trying to output when you're really in need of input. That can take the form of inspiration (like browsing Pinterest or going back to a favorite book/movie/game…) but also actual education (like an online course or book, articles and videos on the topic, etc).

And sure enough, as I was expanding my knowledge on storytelling, I couldn't help but go and apply that to my current projects. I'll summarize the progress made on Lyphuriaa (or more like massive problem-fixing), and also share the two amazing resources I've been binging at the end, if you're making stories too!

Bird's eye view on the plot

For the longest time, Lyphuriaa was mostly in my head, and the plot was nothing more than "Lulu's life". That's because I started imagining it when I was a kid, and so it was never properly structured the way a story ought to be. Almost exactly a year ago, I realized the problem and started fixing it, cutting the boring parts, beginning the story at a more exciting point, changing up variables…

The result was already something that felt way more like I'd enjoy reading it myself, more mature and cohesive, but it still very broken structurally. It's only these past few weeks/months that I really started digging deeper and fix the core.

The core being, of course, the three basic components of a story – the Story Goal, the Protagonist (person pursuing the goal), and the Antagonist (person in opposition to the goal being achieved). Yeah, Lyphuriaa was that broken. Let's see how exactly, and then show the current fix.

The problems

The story goal was super fuzzy. I knew it was something along the lines of "taking back Lyphuriaa to rebuild it" but NONE of the characters, or events actually worked towards it. I also had no idea on the actual steps to fulfill it. Something fuzzy like "board airship or ship, fly/sail to the place, remove any stupid goons tryna stop you, plant flag, done! then epilogue showing the place rebuilt!" Plus, I didn't have enough details on the situation on Lyphuriaa (the place), like Why did it get abandoned if its people were literally genocided to take over the land? What's the situation outside Lyphuriaa – do the winners still have their eyes on it, don't care about it anymore, still claim ownership of the land? What about other countries? etc, etc.

The protagonists – Lulu and Vlad – are completely fleshed out as characters, but the problem was within their personal goals and motivations. If I just let them do whatever they wanted, they'd go live on a boat and sail the world, not "take back Lyphuriaa to rebuild it". I just struggled immensely to tie them to the "goal" somehow. That's part of the reason why none of the plot points worked towards the goal – the main characters don't even care about it. At some point I even considered the fact that maybe, they're not meant to tell this story, and that I should change either the goal or the protagonists.

That antagonists, well, they were almost non-existent. They're the least developed element. I just knew there was one group trying to get Lulu to use her unique power to open portals so that they could invade (a plotline that's now scrapped, because I figured a threat coming from inside the world is more interesting than one coming from outside, plus, I want Lulu to be special because of what she does, not what she's born with). And another group, the ones instigating the Lyphurian war, who don't want Lyphuriaa to be rebuilt again. And that's all I knew about the people who are supposed to bring as much conflict to the story as possible. Needless to say, they really did nothing throughout the story, it's as if they only woke up at the end when the cast finally set foot on Lyphuriaa, or something.

The glaring, glaring problem that took me a lot of time to spot, is the absolute lack of conflict. I had a 2k words outline of the story, but it was just about Lulu, Vlad and a few others going on about their life, smoothly. Then there were a few events that really had nothing to do with that, aka the "main plot".

Nothing is connected

I literally have a line saying, "somehow they find her father". Like, is it something that happens randomly (in which case it's lazy), or is it unimportant enough that we don't even need to show how it happens (in which case why keep it at all?), or it's supposed to be part of the plot (in which case why have the protagonists never even show a sign of wanting to do that)…?

"Somehow" is a red flag practically all of the time in storytelling, as it breaks consistency and believability. I know that in the outline, I wrote "somehow" as a shorthand for "this needs to happen and I have no idea how to connect it so I'm leaving it to you, future self :D" but even so it's a symptom of a larger problem underneath.

Literally the last bullet point of the whole outline: "I almost forgot that the story isn't Vladleen but Lyphuriaa. So I guess here be adventures to take back Lyphuriaa! yay!"

Random fluff adding dead weight

Another easier to fix problem was scenes or entire plotlines that were completely unnecessary to the story. As I said Lyphuriaa exists since my childhood and so, there were a lot of random stuff I added because I thought it was cool and I had no idea how to make a properly structured story, but that I never questioned when overhauling it. It's only when I realized that nothing is set in stone until I say so, and that I'm not bound by these boundaries just because they've been here a long time, sometimes even since the very beginning, that I started cutting stuff and, most importantly, change key parts to make them infinitely more interesting.

The scrapped plotline. The stuff about a virus, and Lyphurians having a special purpose, is scrapped too. Cutting such a huge part of the story led to literally no consequences, and felt so relieving.

Playing around with key variables

For example, I was under the assumption that Vlad can only come in later in the story and not the beginning, and that the Liance between him and Lulu can only happen waaay later when they start having feelings for each other. But one day I had this idea: what if we start the story at the point of their meeting, and have them be lianced right then and there, maybe even against their will?

And that's how one of the key moments in Lyphuriaa was born, bringing a ton of conflict and interesting situations and characterization with it to the table that could never have happened otherwise. Now both protagonists are on-screen right away (especially since Vlad is the most interesting out of the two at first), the Liance functions like a character arc for both of them because it's a problem they have to overcome, that results in a much more interesting relationship than just lovers, and is also an interesting concept to explore right off the bat that can play a part in hooking the reader, and on and on. All of that just from changing two variables.

Yeah, I write a lot in my notes. It's helpful to order my thoughts in the present, and leave a trace of the past for when I find it again in the future.

The fixes

This is getting very long, I wonder if you'd prefer if I split posts like these in parts…

The story goal – thanks to some adjustments and lots of inspirations from the resources below, I could finally find a goal that is similar to what I had in mind, but also agrees with the protagonists and antagonists. Even though I'm presenting this as three bullet points, the truth is, it's all interconnected and should be worked on as a whole, not just one at a time. So, now the main goal of Lyphuriaa is, "to (re)build a place where all Lyphurians can call home". It's not only clearer, but also more personal, and ties in perfectly with the theme of the story (finding the people you belong with – whose side you can call home).

The protagonists now have proper motivations and goals that align with the story goal! They became tied to it way more naturally, plus it connects with the theme again and provides conflict: Lulu is a Lyphurian, and because of her species' defining traits simply cannot feel like she belongs amongst Vampires and other people. Even better, she doesn't feel safe. Lyphurian blood is a luxury for Vampires, their horns valued products, and their glowing skin scare people away (especially since most people aren't aware of the existence of Lyphurians; they may be ghosts for all they know). And thus, coupled to something else that is spoilers, she sees Vlad as the perfect opportunity to stand up for her people and make a place where they can feel at home, together (Vlad has money and means). And what better place for this if not their original homeland? (The only issue still left is to tie Vlad into this as well, I already have an idea for this that also ties into the theme of finding home that needs tweaking, but it's spoilers too so I'll leave it at that.)

The antagonists… are still the least developed, but at least now I'm clear on who are the antagonizing groups, and what's their goal so I can build what they'll do on top of that. I still need to go closer and build them as individuals and give them a personal stake. What's certain is that I want them to be smart and unpredictable, playing an intense game of "who is actually one step ahead the other?" with the protagonists. They are active, just as active as their enemy. There are also a couple other surprise major characters that don't fit in either category, but will stir trouble in trying to achieve their own personal goals – aka pushing the story forward.

You can see the difference, now the story is packed with conflict and potential for conflict everywhere. It's starting to take the shape of one intense ride! There are a ton of little tweaks that improve the story overall, here's a few…

Everything is interconnected

Sharp contrast to how it was before, now every event serves a purpose in either the main plot or in major subplots (I took the time to clearly lay out the different plotlines, that's what the very first image is about; each "row" is one plotline). Not only that, but each character has a link to the main plot, or at least thematic relevance.

The side-character I'm most excited about is Ava, Lulu's bestie. It's through her that a lot of Vladleen's relationship is brought out, because these two mostly don't need to actually talk, they can just send brain signals. Ava is the kind of person who has no filter, can't read the room, but can easily spot subtle differences around her. Kinda hard to explain, but she does a good job of getting Vladleen to show themselves to the reader. Plus, she's gonna be the center of a very big choice (aka conflict) both Vlad and Lulu will have to make, you could say the ultimate choice that will show who they truly are, what they care about more than anything else (and thus ties into the theme as well).

Little preview of this energetic and fun character~

More playing around with variables

As I was reading up on the resources mentioned before, key points of the story kept getting challenged. Long-lost heir to a throne as a plot twist? Check. Heir characterized only by their blood? Check. Mentor who comes take said heir and push them forward themselves instead of letting her walk by herself? Check. Protagonists only acting after antagonist strikes, and never before? Check. Mentor keeping key info secret for no reason? Check.

That's a lot of hidden clichés I was aware of but thought I had added enough uniqueness to them, and I'm glad the articles made me see them in their true form and their bad consequences. So I took all of those and more and switched variables around.

The most important change was a set of tweaks to Lulu and her "heritage". She not only isn't a good fit to be a ruler, but also doesn't want to rule (remember when I said the MCs didn't care about the goal?). I didn't have any specific reason as to why her bloodline was special and why it had to be the ruling one. All of this made her into something I really didn't like: a person defined by what she was born with, not by her actions. She would have never been on this path if she didn't have this blood and powers. I don't know if you can see it but, it all feels like her actions are determined by her blood; she would have always made the same choices even if circumstances were different; she doesn't have free will. And when you know that protagonists' most important role is to make choices… Well.

So the first thing I did was dig into the bloodline's origin, which made me realize that if that's how it originated, then there should be more than one family with the same special characteristics, not just one. Just this change implies so much: the bloodline alone doesn't give you a right to the throne anymore, and Lulu can just rally her people and lead them to the goal, and step down then; Lulu is no longer the only one who can unseal Lyphuriaa, if there are other families, and thus her decision to do so anyway comes from inside her and not outside; imagine the amount of exciting stuff (aka conflict) that can happen with having other bloodline members around!!! and so much more.

Lulu getting back her agency to do what she wants is the highlight, though. I remember reading/watching a pretty long manga/anime (won't say the name to not spoil) where at the end it's revealed that everything that happened, only happened because a higher entity kept resetting time until they got the course of events that they wanted to see. It truly made the whole thing meaningless, just like "it was all a dream!" endings, it means the characters never earned anything by themselves, they're just puppets; I want to avoid that at all cost.

As much as I'd like to keep writing, I think I've covered the most important parts; this is long enough as it is.

Zeroth draft

Alright, I'm done talking about the plot changes, here's something more concrete: I think I'll participate in Camp NaNo this july to get a "zeroth draft" started.

Basically, that's a draft before the first draft. It's not meant to be the first stage of the final product, but something more meta before it. I have no pressure to make it make sense; I just write with what I currently have and improvise to fill in the gaps. What I actually write can range from detailed description of the action, to one-line scenes such as "here they fight". A barebones text that I can then use to make the actual first draft, later.

This is all because, for the longest time I thought I was a planner, but it turns out I may actually be a pantser, discovering the story as I write it. So I want to put that theory to the test and write like a pantser during Camp NaNo. I really, really want to write this story.

Here's a link to my NaNoWriMo profile, where I set myself a goal of 20k words for this month. I have no idea whether it's big or small, we'll see. (feel free to add me if you write too.)

This post took me a whole day to write, but I had fun summarizing these past months' progress. I also really want to try out animating a scene, and coding a prototype with it, but I'll make a post about that when I have something to show.

If you made it this far, I thank you sincerely. I know that people who enjoy long-form content aren't extinct, but it's getting harder to find them. Reblogging and sharing helps, but a simple like can let me know it's reaching some people at least c:

Storytelling resources

Two big resources that pack a ton of valuable advice and storytelling principles.

Limyaael literary rants – about 400 individual essays, mostly geared towards fantasy. Helped me improve my story in so many ways, and I'm still halfway through it. Start from the beginning, everything is useful.

Filmento – an absolutely incredible channel, each of his videos feel like a university-level lecture on storytelling and sometimes cinematography. The video is separated into clear points, always taking example from a movie, so you can see it in action, and it's super engaging and funny to boot. Most of the stuff applies to stories in general, don't let the word "movie" scare you! See his "Film Perfection" and "Anatomy of a Failure" playlists especially.

Taking notes is a must, if I had read/watched through all of these without taking notes it'd have been a monumental waste of time since I'd have forgotten all of it. Also, it's not enough to take them, if you can't find them later, be it tomorrow or in a year (looking at you, people who take notes in Youtube comments).

My Obsidian vault has close to 1,000 individual notes, and in 99% of the time I can find any note I need in less than 5s, even if I don't remember the note's title, because I have so many different ways to search for it. So find yourself a tool that helps you use your notes, not just create and forget them.

After only a few days of reading/watching, when I came back to my story's beginning that I previously thought was perfectly fine, I could 1) immediately spot problems and 2) immediately know how to fix them. Literally, I'm tempted to say that's all you need to learn storytelling in-depth.

Enjoy!

#lulullia #progress report #lyphuriaa #storytelling #storytelling techniques #writing resources #camp nano 2023 #camp nano july 2023 #writing

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canichangemyblogname · 1 year

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Congrats on one year! You have such a thoughtful, detailed approach to everything you write/theorize. Do you have any particular research you do when writing, or do you outline what you’re going to write?

IRIS! Thank you so much!! ☺️

I am so glad that people find my lil essays and whatnot to be thoughtful. I don't *feel* like I put a lot of thought into them, but I've learned that's because all the things I learned during my education and/or through reading have more-or-less become knowledge.

When I'm writing a little analysis on, say, the symbolism of Syril Karn trading in a brown shirt for a suit and tie and how this relates to the "new" uniform of white supremacy, I am writing about something I have knowledge in. I do sometimes link sources or further reading, but this is Tumblr and I want to write about the things I know and their representation in Star Wars without putting in all the work to create a bibliography.

I do have two shelves full of all the (second hand, paperback) books I had to buy for school over the years. My favorites- the only ones I bought new (they didn't have used)- are the "A Very Short Introduction" books from Oxford University Press. It's like an academic's version of "for dummies." It introduces you to the topic and some essential things to know before introducing you to further reading. Sometimes, I do reference the books on my shelf or look back to them for something specific I'm thinking about when I'm writing.

Now, if I were writing an essay for a program or lecture there would be lots of research and well-cited sources. If it's a research paper, specifically, my outlines are extensive because I have to hit such things as a literature review and a methods, etc. If the paper is just a narrative or a non-research based paper, my thesis statement in the intro paragraph lays out the rest of the paper well enough, imo.

Because of this, I used to feel as if I were always pulling papers and writing out of my ass. I'd spend several hours writing something the night before it was due, turn it in the next morning and would get it back with, like, a 93 on it. I just figured I was bullshitting my way through school. I was not, but I still felt like I was a terrible and incompetent student. It took me a lot of years to realize that maybe I had developed a skill in writing.

When it comes to creative writing, like stories, my outlines and research depends on the length of the story. I put lots of planning into my novels. I'll have a story outline plus profiles for each important character and important location and each important event. There is often a good bit of research that might go into this, depending on how realistic and detailed I'm going for. Reader's don't need to know the intricacies of how cast iron is made, but I do need to know whether a story taking place in 1500s England could have any cast iron (the answer is yes).

My favorite tools when I'm writing are a thesaurus, an encyclopedia, and the delete button (or the cut function). Sometimes, I need to find a different word. Sometimes I need to look up whether a flintlock pistol existed yet. Sometimes I just need to start over.

And that's what I do. A lot. No matter what I'm writing. I start and restart sentences. I cut or delete entire paragraphs. I cut and move stuff around. If I can't make it work; if it still sounds "off" or awkward, I just get rid of it. I probably delete more than I write, even before I get to an editing process. If I had the time and the will, I could write about a chapter or about 2,000-4,000 words a day. I had a week off once and ended up hyper focusing on a project and I wrote some 18,000 words in 6 days. I cut that down to just under 11,000 after some tweaking and editing.

If I'm really attached to a piece of information or a scene that I wrote into the story, but need to cut for the sake of length and cohesion, I have a separate word document titled "misc excerpts" with a table of contents and a title for each scene. That document is longer than my actual projects, sometimes. I also do this (kinda) if I'm stuck. If I'm stuck, I'll cut the scene and paste it into a separate document and then start working on it from this new document.

I also highlight things as I go along. If it needs fixing, I'll add a little [FX] at the end of the sentence with a comment attached like: "awk" or "unfired gun?" or "who tf is this?" or "why? do you need this detail?" or "this is too convenient," etc. I'll also leave comments along the way for background. If I introduce a character, I'll leave a comment by their name explaining their further relevance to the story. If I introduce a Chekov's Gun, I'll leave a note explaining how I'll use this detail later. My goal is to not have any extraneous details or plots or features in my stories.

I feel all of this makes editing quicker and more efficient later, especially as it's real easy to search up [FX] and find everything that needs an immediate fix before I get into the weeds of editing for grammar.

#thank you for asking!!!#ask game

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psychonauticfailure · 2 years

Text

I don't even know if Tumblr is a thing anymore, but I'm tired of spiraling out on my own mental tangents at the state of America and why everything is so fucked up. I'm angry. I'm tired. I want things to fucking change, so maybe if I voice my opinions, they'll be heard. Maybe something will change.

But I always get so overwhelmed at the thought of starting a blog, beginning to translate all of my thoughts into a digestible, cohesive story or stream of consciousness. I struggle with ADHD, so my mind can be racing all over, rapidly cycling from topic to topic, making it really hard to organize my thoughts, especially when I have some random ONE singular line from a song stuck playing on repeat in the back of my head. "The beginning" never feels like the beginning enough, so I struggle to even start. I always feel like I'm missing some piece that I've figured out, but soon forgotten or like maybe I'm not qualified enough to be pointing out the problems with capitalism.

Then, my hyperfocus will have me writing content back to back, eager to connect with people and have my thoughts be heard, but that inevitably causes content to be missed. People don't have all day to consider my thoughts, but I'm passionate, so there's a delicate balance that has to be achieved, of not overposting, but being consistent with your posting (but also moderating your post length), and that, in and of itself, poses a problem for my very demand-avoidant and non-concise brain. If I create a schedule for myself, I will subconsciously sabotage myself just because I hate being told what to do... even if it's myself doing the demanding. 🙄 And if I force myself to stick to a schedule, well, burnout is incoming.

But if I don't ever begin to try, I'll die without having the chance to give my perspective to the world, and that's not me. If there's one thing about me you should know, it's that like it or not, I AM going to put my opinion out there. I have some good ideas and some valid points, and they deserve to be heard.

So, here's to my blog about why capitalism is absolutely eating us alive and maybe how we could stop it. Cheers. First real post coming soon. :)

#capitalism #end stage capitalism #late stage capitalism #actually adhd #demand avoidance #hyperfocus #new blog #America #politics

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dude1818 · 1 year

Text

Wild Massive

This week I read Wild Massive by Scotto Moore, and it was absolutely fantastic. It's the same author as Battle of the Linguist Mages, which is probably the reason it was on my list, but I had totally forgotten that connection. I'll try to avoid too many direct comparisons, but while both novels had pretty similar energy, Wild Massive ironically felt more cohesive and was more enjoyable overall

Wild Massive takes place in the Building. The Building is hundreds of thousands of floors tall, and each floor is a pocket dimension containing anything from just a normal elevator bank to our entire universe. (And there are a lot of floors that feature some parallel version of Earth.) The first 50,000 floors are ruled by the Association, which polices magic and technology within its jurisdiction, services the elevators (which are AI), and controls access through the lobby (because the Building is just one plane in a multiverse, but that's not really the topic of this book). Somewhere above the Association-controlled floors is the floor of the Shai-Manak, a species of powerful shapeshifting wizards. They've been at war with the Association for 50 years. The final main faction is the titular Wild Massive, which is functionally the Disney of the Building, operating major theme parks and attractions on a bunch of floors

The story starts out by following Carissa, the last member of a race of psionic humans that had previously been wiped out by the Association. She gets mixed up with the Shai-Manak plans to infiltrate the Association floors and blow up their weapon labs, and maybe Parliament. We find out that Wild Massive has a much bigger stake in this: they've been working on a multi-century docudrama chronicling the history of the Association, and as that story catches up to the present day, Wild Massive wants to turn that into literally shaping the narrative of the future. It gets really meta in the latter part of the book

It's a riveting action-adventure story, with the most disparate elements constantly being added to the mix. It's generally a high tech science fiction world, but there's plenty of magic to go around. It briefly dips its toe into X-Men-style psionics, which is the third element of the rock-paper-scissors arms race in the Building. There's also a classic morally gray superhero team that occasionally shows up, with the wildest of backstories. There's even a time travel miniplot at one point. When all of these pieces come together, it nails a sort of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy vibe incredibly well. It's an absolute joy to read. I'm going to include some of my favorite excerpts under the cut, because there's no way for me to do them justice

My only real complaint is that as scale of the conflict blows up in the final hour, the smaller conflicts get left behind. Several of the major antagonists get incidentally killed off when the final boss shows up, and the conclusion of Carissa's and the Shai-Manak characters' arcs are just left hanging. It turns out that the stakes of the story are reality itself, but the emotional connection to that: we have an emotional connection to the handful of named protagonists we followed, and it's disappointing not seeing what happens to them in particular

She pulled her hand out of the doorway, and the elevator doors were now clear to close. The last Carissa saw of her beloved elevator was the demonic figure struggling to reach the doors to stop them from closing. Then the elevator doors closed. Then the elevator doors vanished completely from sight, leaving behind a rippling distortion in the air that persisted mere seconds before local reality reasserted itself.

Rindasy still possessed enough willpower to draw the experimental “aimless” probability pistol ze’d borrowed from the weapons research lab, point it in the general direction of the shuttle, and open fire. The sudden loud burst of good old-fashioned, heavily enchanted projectile fire was a welcome respite from the phantom sound of the psychic attack. It was unethical to create fully sentient weapons, of course, but this ammunition had attained a particular glee about its purpose, judging by its willingness to accept the merest suggestion of accurate aim as a solid instruction for perpetrating explosive malice on a victim.

As a specter, Jirian Echo didn’t “show up for work,” rather he “began haunting the lab,” as it were, according to an irregular schedule that even Jirian had trouble predicting.

“This is an all-hands mission,” Agent Grey said curtly. “Fascinating,” Pivotal Moment said. “Does that mean our three incorporeal comrades will be joining the mission?” Precedent was that the three incorporeal Agents did not, in fact, join all-hands missions, as Pivotal Moment well knew. Agent ClearMind was a sentient mathematical formulation who patrolled irrational and imaginary topologies. Agent Nihil Eon was an anti-being who monitored designated non-sentience dimensions for signs of nascent life and extinguished what it found. And Agent Sublime Promise of a Devious Puzzle (Delighting You, Exciting You) patrolled vividly surreal realms and improbable dimensions for inscrutable unreasons that resist easy description here.

“Excellent,” he said. “The spacetime machine only allows one passenger, so we’ll need to steal a golf cart.” “I’m from corporate. They gave me a golf cart to use while I’m here.” “I see. Well, in that case, let’s try to exceed the posted speed limit just a tad to preserve a sense of adventure.”

“Oh, let me just spare you the trouble,” said [redacted], rising from his seat. “It’s me. I’m the assassin.” He stood up, and for the first time, everyone in the room really appreciated how toweringly tall [redacted] actually was. “The real [redacted]’s been dead for thirty years, and I’ve just been … coming to your little meetings all this time, what can I say.”

#wild massive #scotto moore #fantasy books #science fiction #book review

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missnight0wl · 2 years

Note

This game is a walking headache, so I'll ask about fashion! Could you tell/show a bit of Helena and Jacob's style? 💕

Alright, but seriously, this is a really cool question! And thank you for asking! 💖

However, I can’t into fashion, like at all... and so I’m not sure if what I came up with is even cohesive and whatnot. Nonetheless, here it is! Finally! And it’s a bit longish...

In general, both Helena and Jacob are familiar with Muggle fashion. Their father is a Muggle, so their connection to the Muggle world is pretty strong. Of course, it absolutely doesn’t mean they’re fashionable. Oh no, no, no… Still, they are kind of influenced by what they see on the telly or simply in stores while they’re back at home. Therefore, it’s not obscure for them either. Now, with that in mind, let’s discuss some details.

Helena

Helena’s style is kind of all over the place, really. There’s a lot of typical 80s fashion: mostly jeans with colourful T-shirts or jumpers. She also likes to wear Jacob’s old flannel shirts. “Old” means that they’re smaller than you’d think looking at Jacob now, but… they’re still quite too big for Helena. It takes a while before she decides to make them more fitting (by using Reducio, for example).

By the end of the fourth year, Helena’s style becomes a bit more “rocker”. It's actually inspired by the game itself because around this time, we got that galaxy hair and the black leather coat (it was shortly before the Weird Sisters TLSQ was originally released). And honestly, I liked it so much that I decided to keep it canon. I didn’t find the exact coat I imagine, but the story is basically that Helena found it in a second-hand one day, and pretty much everyone hates it – but Helena loves it.

Helena’s rocker phase lasts for some part of the fifth year, and then, it turns sort of into a mix of both her 80s and rocker styles.

I also want Helena to have some fun bag. I didn’t figure out the exact design yet, but I included what gives me more or less the right vibes. I’m thinking that perhaps it was even her mum’s bag previously, and Helena was quite surprised when she found it, because currently, Alice has a rather proper style.

Helena doesn’t wear a lot of accessories otherwise. It’s usually just her watch (a present from her grandparents) and a piercing in the upper part of her ear she got from Tonks.

After Hogwarts, her style becomes more… mature? I guess you could qualify it as Light Academia or maybe Dark Academia. (Please, keep in mind that I don’t really know what I’m talking about.) Either way, it starts shaping in the seventh year already, probably. She wears more dresses, and skirts, and whatnot. On top of that, she wears some subtle jewellery a little more often.

This trend continues into her adulthood. Of course, it also depends on the situation. She still likes to go back to her more casual style, and she has a pretty prominent grunge phase in the 90s. It’d probably be the preferred choice for most of the curse-breaking assignments, too: her Docs, jeans, and some leather jacket.

Jacob

Jacob’s style is quite simple. He just needs a T-shirt, his flannel and/or a jeans jacket, and he’s ready to go. Since he is a bit of a geek, he likes T-shirts referring the pop culture: either music bands or films. He prefers dark and neutral colours – and it stays true for the rest of his life.

The truth is that Jacob didn’t really have a chance to work on his style as a teenager. I mean, it was never a priority in his mind at Hogwarts, then he started working for R, and then… well, he got imprisoned. And after he gets out, he basically wears what he has – which means that his style doesn’t change much for quite some time. And that’s fine, actually, because he feels rather comfortable with it.

The one more important thing that changes during that period is that he wears the coat he got from Patricia a lot. Pretty much all the time when he’s outside. I plan to make a proper design of it one day, but so far, I was inspired by various search results like this, for example:

It doesn’t exactly fit his style, but he somehow makes it work.

He also keeps carrying his leather bag (a present from his parents). Similar to Helena, he doesn’t accessorise much otherwise.

After the nightmare of the Cursed Vaults is over, Jacob is being influenced by some people eventually, and so his style changes a little more. It becomes slightly more elegant, but nothing too extra. He doesn’t abandon his old style entirely, so I’d say it’s sort of hipstery as a result. He pays more attention to accessories as well, but it’s still nothing too extravagant.

Now, I don’t know if you can tell already that I’m trying really hard not to say that Jacob’s style is basically Hozier… but it kind of is. Like, when Patricia gave him the coat and said: “I thought it should be good for your height. Though it’s a bit loose. Then again, most things are on you…”, this is pretty much what I had in mind: click!

The funny thing is that Jacob is honestly not based on Hozier. I got super into Hozier fairly recently, because in 2020, I believe. I knew some of his songs even earlier, naturally, but this was when I fully discovered him. And Jacob was pretty fleshed out by then! But the more I watched Hozier, the more I was like: “Oh yeah, it’s Jacob vibes”.

What can I say? I guess I simply have a type – and Jacob was always a very self-indulgent character 😅

Also, if we speak about Hozier already, it obviously means… A MAN BUN!

And yes, this one is actually influenced by Hozier.

Finally, here’s a little bonus: I tried to put together some outfits in The Sims 4. They’re not perfect, of course, because TS4 has its limitation (and I didn’t download any custom content just for that), but I’m rather happy with the results anyway!

#long post #hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm mc #jacob's sibling #helena ellis #hphm jacob #jacob ellis #fashion #my creation #headcanon #ask #indigobackfire

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pencilofawesomeness · 2 years

Note

I'm bored, so I'll share the few hypothesis I have about the Oracion Seis' 6th member in HTRYDS:

- Elfman (maybe still in beast form) for the sheer drama (in which case Mirajane is definitely FT's fifth member, with Natsu as a second, less likely possibility). Also, it's the only way I see for him to be reintroduced based only on canon events. (I'm still not sure whether you really killed him or he'll come back at some point. So. He makes the list.)

- Kagura. Brain tells her he'll help her find her brother and... Lies about stuff. Blames Jellal for everything, and so on. A lot of angst possible, plus the confusion of who the hell is that kid and why does she hate Jellal that much until Erza remembers or Erik hears something.

Less likely ideas :

- Minerva. I don't really have a reason for this one, the idea comes from another FT fanfiction I once read, in which she replaces Meredy in GH in an alternative timeline, as Meredy (and Ultear and the Tower kids) were saved early by FT thanks to the info given by Crime Sorcière from the original timeline. But yeah, uh, I really can't explain that one.

- Karen Lilica, who was captured but not killed (but that might clash with Loke's storyline, because his contract would not have ended then... maybe). To use the sad-boy-stick on the Pegasus boys, for once. In that scenario, Sorano probably learnt a different magic.

- Yukino. Because why not. Stil, grasping at syraws here. (and once again, i don't believe both sisters would use Celestial magic in that scenario)

- Meredy. Yeah it doesn't make much sense, but I mean Precht could have sent her away as a punishment for Ultear's failures... And, you know, I'm sure bad guys have a system of favours and debts set up. Precht could use having Brain owe him. (Oh, and would Juvia be the fifth FT member then? I mean it could be fun, especially with Lyon and all, but... I mean, you don't have to do things the same way as canon, so. I feel like Wendy would actually be a much better candidate here.)

- That Daphne girl from the anime. Let me be honest, I hate that arc as I do all the "anime only" multi episodes arcs because I feel like they're not realistic - they don't fit in the general plot. Still, you could introduce her. Beats having to make up an entirely new character. (Also, she replaced Ultear in the aforementioned fanfiction, which is probably the only reason I even remembered her.)

This one is pretty hard to figure out. None of these hypothesis are really satisfying - unlike for the fifth FT member where some guesses seemed pretty good. Who knows, maybe I'll have a better idea by the time that arc begins. (But thinking about this made me realise the 5th FT member you end up choosing might be a clue.)

Have a lovely day!

🐧

PS. I just realised my hypothesis are basically only girls - now that's sorta weird XD.

Ahaha, this is going to haunt you until that arc, isn't it? XD (Excellent >:D)

Lol, you had one guy-guess, even if he's super dead. (Sorry.) Always interesting to see the logic behind these. If anything, it ensured me that the 6th member wasn't as obvious as I thought XDD (Though when I get around to one or two of those side stories, maybe it will be? Eh, the 6th member will be an early reveal once the arc starts, at least, even though we got an arc and a half before we get there.)

On a random note, I agree with you on most of the anime-only arcs, though there are bits and pieces of some that I do like. (Obviously I built half of this series off of the one anime-only scrap of Acnologia's backstory, soooo...) I've really been cherry-picking through it, going for things I enjoy and/or things that I can make fit together in a cohesive whole with some love and duct tape. Daphne's arc was one I scrapped immediately, though I have played around with inserting her in a smaller, side situation, (or maybe a role in a later arc) but I don't have anything concrete as of yet.

#htryds #ask #oracion seis arc #penguin anon #i can't wait to wreck everyone's morning with that arc #yall are only hyping me more #i gotta focus on dt and ra first sheesh XD

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h0tch-r0cket · 3 years

Text

Infatuation (18+) {a.h.} : chapter 5

summary: you needed a job. aaron hotchner needed a babysitter. the rest was inevitable.

word count: 5.5K

warnings: explicit language, drinking alcohol, smoking, building tension : )

table of contents

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"Y/N?" Jack called out from the kitchen of the Hotchner home. You had picked him up from school, like always, and he was working on his homework as soon as possible.

"What's going on, Jack?" you asked as you placed your finger in between the pages of your copy of The Centaur which you brought with you to keep you occupied.

"I need help with my math," he said softly.

You put your bookmark in the novel and headed into where the little Hotchner was awaiting your help. You sat down across from him and glanced down at the papers that were sprawled out in front of him. "What do you need help with?"

"Well, Ms. Kingston showed us today how to add and subtract with three digit numbers like 100 and all that stuff. I get confused when you have to borrow from one of the other numbers when you subtract," he said as he tapped the pencil on the table, a habit you noticed Aaron did as well when he was working on his own work.

"Alright, let me take a look here," you said as you grabbed the paper from him.

After a few minutes of explaining the way you go about subtracting the numbers to Jack, he got it pretty quickly. "Thanks, Y/N!"

You ruffled his hair as you stood up from the table. "You got it. If you need me, I'm just going to be in the living room, okay?"

"Okay," he said as he moved on to the next parts of his worksheet.

You settled back onto the couch, bringing your knees up to your chest as you read the novel. You were just reaching one of your favorite parts, your attention glued to the pages in front of you. It was the part where George, the father of the story, had spent his very last dollar to bring home a sandwich for his wife even though he and his son were stranded for the night because their car broke down. There was something about the sentiment, the idea that he would give up his very last dollar, that always warmed your heart.

Just as you finished up the chapter you were on, the small pitter patter of feet coming into the living room interrupted you continuing on with your reading. You looked up from the book to see Jack coming towards you, taking hard steps as he walked.

He plopped down on the couch next to you and let out a low sigh. "What's the matter, kiddo?" you asked as you placed the book neatly on your lap.

"I want dad to come home already," he said quietly as he swung his legs against the side of the couch.

"I know you do, Jack. But hey, he should be here soon. Want to watch a movie in the meantime?" You weren't sure what else to do for him. It was the first time that Jack had ever expressed that sentiment to you.

He nodded his head lightly, not saying anything to actually answer your question verbally. "Alright. As long as you finished your homework," you told him. He simply nodded yet again, his face more somber than normal.

You tried to figure out why he had the sudden mood change from when you picked him up from the bus. You thought maybe he was just tired or perhaps he wasn't feeling good. You knew that most kids always wanted their parents around when they were sick.

As the different possibilities ran through your head as you looked for a movie that the two of you had yet to watch, Jack's small voice piped up from next to you. "Y/N?"

You turned your head to look at him to already be met with his gaze. "Yeah Jack?"

"Can I sit with you?" he asked softly.

You nodded your head and straightened yourself up more on the couch so he could sit on your lap. As he quickly scooted into your lap, your copy of The Centaur fell underneath the couch.

"Sorry Y/N. I'll pick it up," Jack said as he went to reach down and grab it. You pulled him back up towards you and let his back rest against your frontside.

"It's alright. I'll get it later. Pick out a movie to watch," you told him. You passed him the TV remote and let him scroll through the different family movies, hoping that he would find something to occupy his thoughts until Aaron got home from his lectures.

------

As much as he tried, Aaron Hotchner could not focus on the lecture that he was giving in his class. As he sat at his office desk at the university, he flipped through his notes which to anyone else other than him would not have made any sense at all with the way that the thoughts were not cohesive and the exhaustive amounts of abbreviations that littered the pages.

He planned the day's lecture to be about Orpheus and Eurydice, lovers tragically torn apart, but he couldn't gather his thoughts cohesively to provide his students with what he deemed to be the proper lesson.

His thoughts were foggy. Jarbled. He thought he would have shaken the thought of the way your hands touched the day prior. But it was all he found himself thinking about. He wasn't quite sure why. It was a simple accident.

A simple accident that made him want to rethink the way he had been so closed off with you. The way he was always curt. He craved more, despite the fact that he knew he shouldn't pursue anything with you.

He rubbed his temples, sighing in defeat. At that point, the lecture was going to be what it was going to be.

Aaron gathered all of his things in his satchel and headed down to the auditorium before his students filed in. He shed himself of his suit jacket, leaving him in a baby blue dress shirt and tan slacks. He organized his notes yet again and placed them in order on the podium that was in the center of the room.

His students filed in soon after, a chorus of Good afternoon, Professor Hotchner, How are you Professor Hotchner? coming from them.

Aaron gave everyone a few minutes to settle in before glancing at his watch for the time. He clapped his hands together once loudly to get the attention of the class. The side conversations slowly died down, only a few soft murmurs being heard through the crowd.

"Alright folks. Let's settle in. I know today is Friday and you all are eager to get out of here so I'll try to make this as quick and easy as possible," he said, projecting his voice so that everyone could hear him. "I'll run through attendance quickly and then we'll get started."

After taking attendance and marking the absentee students, Aaron grabbed the textbook for the class from out of his satchel. "If you all could open to page 265 that would be absolutely fantastic." Synchronous opening of textbooks and flipping of pages filled the auditorium as the students quickly followed Aaron's instructions.

He began to walk in front of the room, arms crossed over his chest as he glanced out into the sea of students. "Now, does anyone have any ideas as to what the story of Orpheus and Eurydice is about?" He looked into the crowd, being met with blank stares, eyes glazing over, and even a few students nodding their heads back as they fought the calling of sleep during class.

Not one student raised their hand. He caught the students glancing at one another, hoping that someone, anyone, would have the answer. But there was no such luck.

Part of him wondered if you knew the story. You probably would know the tale like the back of your hand, being that you seemed to be meticulous with whatever it was that you set your mind to. He was curious to see just how much you knew about mythology.

He decided that the next time he saw you, he would try to find out just that.

Focus, he thought to himself.

Clearing his head of you as much as possible, he rolled his sleeves up and walked to the whiteboard, uncapping the black Expo marker that laid next to it. "Orpheus," he said as the marker squeaked on the board as he wrote the name down, "is the son of Apollo and Calliope. Well, that is according to some accounts. Some people say that Orpheus had a different father," he clarified. Aaron turned his attention back to his students, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "Can anyone at least remind me as to who those two figures are in mythology? Apollo and Calliope?"

A hand rose in the middle of the auditorium slowly. "Yes?" he said, letting the student know that they could answer the question.

"Well, Apollo is considered to be the god of poetry and music. Calliope on the other hand, was one of the nine muses. She was the muse of history," the girl answered.

Aaron shook his head, placing his hands on his hips and he continued to pace back and forth in the front of the room. "Close. Calliope is actually the muse of poetry. Clio was the muse of history," he explained. "But I'm sure you knew that, right Ms. Sinclair?" he said with a small smirk on his face.

The girl nodded and scribbled down some more notes in her notebook, frantic to capture each and every word that Aaron uttered throughout the rest of the lecture.

Aaron took a brief pause and scanned through the crowd yet again. When he noticed one of his students clearly scrolling on his phone rather than focusing on the lecture, he debated about whether or not he should say something. But when the student started to show his phone around to those near him, he knew he would have to address the obvious distraction from the lecture.

"Mr. McMillan, if your phone is more important than listening to the rest of this lecture, which does cover a large part of your final, please be my guest and take the rest of the day for yourself," Aaron said as he raised his hand towards the door, suggesting that the boy leave the auditorium. He watched as the boy's face turned a shade of pink as he slipped the phone into his pocket. Aaron mouthed a small thank you to the student and continued with the lecture.

"As I was saying, with the help of Ms. Sinclair, Orpheus is the son of Apollo and Calliope. Eurydice," he said as he wrote the next name down on the board and drew a line connecting the two names together, "on the other hand was a beautiful Spartan princess. She married Orpheus. He played her beautiful songs on his lyre, which is just a smaller version of a harp. Orpheus was an exceptional musician. But that makes sense considering who his parents were."

He leaned back against his desk, partially sitting on top of it. He crossed his feet and rested his hands on each side of him on the desk to hold himself up. "However, tragedy struck the young couple. Eurydice was bit by a snake and died. Orpheus was heartbroken. So much so that he only played the most somber and melancholy songs on his lyre. "

Aaron paused for a moment, letting his students jot down their notes onto their paper. "But that didn't discourage Orpheus from fighting for his true love."

Aaron pushed himself off the desk and started to pace again, rubbing his thumb against his pointer finger as he walked. "He was not willing to give up so easily. So, he came up with a plan."

He walked over to the whiteboard again and wrote the word Underworld on the board. "Now, what are some things you know about the Underworld?"

"It's Hades' domain," a student called out.

Aaron drew an arrow from the word and wrote Hades underneath it. "And Hades is?"

"Zeus' brother," the same student replied.

"Very good. What else do we know about this Underworld, the realm where the souls of the departed end up in Greek mythology?" Aaron probed.

"River Styx!" another student called out enthusiastically.

"Mhm." He added another line to the diagram and turned to face the student that answered. "What about the River Styx?"

"I don't know. I just know it's there," the student laughed.

"Fair enough," Aaron said with a small smile. "We'll be covering that within the next few lessons so I won't worry about drilling it into your heads for the time being. One thing that I do want to mention is Cerberus, the three headed dog that guards the entrance of the Underworld. That will be important for the rest of the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice."

Aaron paused yet again, settling back onto the top of the desk but this time he was fully seated on it, his legs dangling off the side. "Now, Orpheus, being heartbroken at the loss of his wife, came up with a plan. He decided to travel to the Underworld to try to regain his love."

"That's crazy. Who would want to go to that place? I mean, I get it he loved the girl but is that even possible?" a student asked.

"It was a wild plan, I will give you that. But Orpheus succeeded. He traveled to the Underworld and managed to strike a deal with Hades after playing his music for him. The ruler of the Underworld was so moved that he granted Orpheus his wish to bring Eurydice back to the land of the living. Hell, the stories even say that Cerberus, the ferocious guardian of the entrance of the Underworld, was howling in despair of the pain Orpheus' music suggested."

A hand rose amongst the crowd. Aaron took his glasses off, gently biting down on the end of the arm of them. He raised his eyebrows at the student, allowing them to speak.

"There's no way that he got her back that easily. Greek mythology seems to, for the most part, at least stem from some kind of tragedy," the student said, clearly not believing that the tale would end happily ever after.

Aaron took his glasses out of his mouth and shook them in the direction of the student. "Excellent observation, Mr. Roth. That brings us to the next part of our tale. Hades gave Orpheus a stipulation; his wife would be brought back to the land of the living as long as Orpheus did not look back at her while they were still in the Underworld."

He hopped off his desk and hooked his glasses onto the collar of his shirt as he continued with the lecture. "Orpheus made the journey back to the light, but he turned around too soon, full of excitement to be reunited with his wife. She vanished before his eyes and he was heartbroken yet again."

"So the moral of the story is to be patient and have trust in the situations that you find yourself in?" a voice called out.

"Precisely," Aaron said, his voice soft. He glanced down at his watch. "I think that's enough for today. For the next class, think of a time in your life where this story applies. A time where you were impatient and lost something that you worked so desperately hard to get. Class dismissed."

The students filed out of the room quickly, allowing Aaron to follow behind them with his satchel tucked under his arm, the same fervor coursing through his veins to get home. He wanted to see Jack.

He wanted to see you.

————

"Oh! You sank my battleship!" you hollered dramatically as Jack managed to get another one of your ships clear off the board.

"Yes!" he shouted, throwing his fist up in success.

You were happy to see him going back to his normal, happy self. Whatever was bothering him earlier had managed to subside by the time you were done watching The Lion King.

The familiar car alarm chirped in the driveway, causing loyal Buster to run to the door in anticipation to see his owner.

You felt almost the same degree of excitement flowing through your body. It was the first time you were seeing Aaron since his touch was embedded into your head. You were wondering if things would be different. If he would be different.

As the front door opened, Jack ran over to his father and wrapped his arms tightly around his waist. "Hey buddy," Aaron said with a small chuckle as he patted Jack's back.

"I missed you today," Jack said quietly as he looked up at his father.

"I miss you everyday," Aaron said with a smile. His gaze turned to you and he kept the smile plastered on his face. "How's it going, Y/N?"

"Pretty good. Jack just sunk my battleship...again," you joked, feigning annoyance.

Aaron's smile grew a bit wider, the dimples on his face making another appearance.

You couldn't help but smile at him. His smile was contagious and gorgeous. You felt like it was such a rare occasion that he smiled, even though he was smiling more often around you, that you always studied the way his face looked so you would never forget it.

Aaron headed into the kitchen with his things with Jack following close behind. You followed a few moments after, ready to gather your things and head home.

When you came into the kitchen, you saw Aaron place a hand on his hip as he looked down at Jack who held his hands together tightly in a pleading motion.

"Come on, Dad! It will be fun," Jack begged. He put on a big smile for his father, trying to convince him further to whatever idea he had planned.

"Alright, Jack. I wouldn't mind that. Ask her," Aaron said as he turned his attention towards you. You felt yourself get nervous, not sure as to what it was that Jack was about to ask you.

Jack took a step forward and planted himself in front of you as he looked up at you with big, puppy dog eyes. "Y/N, do you want to stay and have dinner with us?" Jack asked excitedly.

"Oh," you said with shock. Your stomach fluttered at the thought of actually staying and spending time with Aaron, even if Jack was still there. But the rational part of your head was yelling at you to leave. You already were thinking about Aaron too much and you were sure you would be even further doomed if you were subject to his charm and wit for the night. "Maybe another time, Jack. I think Esmé was planning on making a nice fancy dinner tonight."

"Please, Y/N," Jack pleaded. "Stay with us and eat." He held his hands firmly together again in a similar fashion to how he was begging his father to go along with the idea in the first place.

You clicked your tongue and scratched the back of your neck, unsure as to what other excuse you could come up with. "I don't want to intrude on the time you and your dad have together, buddy."

Aaron crossed his arms across his chest and you saw him raise his eyebrows for a quick second behind his glasses. "Stay, Y/N. I'm a pretty good cook," Aaron said with a smirk growing on his face.

You felt your stomach twist further into knots at the thought that one, Aaron wanted you to stay and two, that he was going to be cooking some sort of meal for you.

Aaron, on the other hand, felt desperate. He wanted—no, he needed you to stay. He wanted to learn everything there was about you. He wanted to know your passions, your fears. As his eyes searched yours, he saw the battle that was going on in your head as to whether or not you should stay or go.

He was hoping you couldn't see the way he crossed his fingers together subtly, a silent prayer that you would stay.

He didn't know what was coming over him. All he knew was that at that moment, he didn't want you to leave the house. He had tried to push you out of his head all day, but seeing you here at his house and your gorgeous smile, it was taking everything in his power to keep his composure as he felt himself succumbing to his desire to want to be close to you.

You weren't sure what it was but the way Aaron was staring at you, his eyes soft, it was as if he was subtly begging you to stay.

You knew you shouldn't. You already were feeling things that you never thought you would for the man. But a part of you was curious to try to figure out if he was feeling something similar.

"Alright, fine," you said defeated, throwing your hands up in the air. "I'll stay." Jack let out an excited yell before running back into the living room.

You could have sworn you saw Aaron exhale deeply once you came to your decision, as if he was relieved that you were actually staying. "But I'm telling you now Hotchner, if you're not as good a cook as you say you are, there will be hell to pay," you teased as you pointed your finger in his direction.

And to your surprise, Aaron laughed. He genuinely laughed. It was a sound that was pure music to your ears, something that you wished you could have turned back time to get it on a recording.

"I promise. I am a good cook," he said as he turned around and began to take out some different pots and pans.

You walked next to him and leaned up against the counter. "What exactly are you planning on making?"

He turned his gaze to you, a smug look growing on his face. "Well where's the fun in that? It's a surprise," he said quietly, leaning closer in your direction.

You caught a quick whiff of his cologne, the smell of cedar quickly filling your airspace. You bit down on your bottom lip, the closeness to him becoming almost too much to handle.

His warm honey eyes darted down to your lips and back up to your own eyes. He cleared his throat and stood back up straight, starting to pull some random ingredients out of the cabinet in front of him.

You shut your eyes for a second, disappointed by how quickly he stood away from you. "I'll be in the living room with Jack," you said. He nodded silently, making his rounds in the kitchen to cook.

As you made your way into the living room, you couldn't help but think about how close he was. You could have reached your hand out and stroked his cheek. You could have been putty melting in his hands.

Aaron watched you walk out of the kitchen, knowing that you wouldn't see his eyes raking across your body. Your perfume lingered in the space where you were in the kitchen, reminding Aaron just how close his face was to yours, how he could have pulled you by your cheeks to brush his lips against yours.

He wanted you. And he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold back.

———-

"Oh my god," you sighed in content as you took a bite of the food Aaron prepared. He made fettuccine alfredo with chicken. All from scratch.

His eyes shot towards you as he heard the sound of satisfaction fall on your lips. He raised an eyebrow at you, taking a bite of the chicken that rested on his plate. "So, did I live up to your expectations?"

"Mhm," was all you could muster as you took another bite of the pasta.

You watched as Jack twirled the pasta around his fork. He popped it into his mouth and gave his dad a thumbs up. "It tastes good, Dad. I could eat the whole pot!"

"That's an awful lot of pasta," you joked as you took a small sip of the chardonnay that Aaron had poured for the two of you. He insisted it made the meal but you were wondering if it had different indications than what he led on.

"Yeah it is but I could eat it," Jack said. Aaron rolled his eyes jokingly at his son's active imagination.

A few minutes passed and you all were eating in content. This time, there was a much more comfortable silence that fell between you all, something that you could easily get used to.

"So, Y/N, what made you pick up an interest in Greek mythology?" Aaron asked, clearly ripping off the bandaid he had been gripping to all day. He had to know. He wanted to know more about you.

"I took a class in high school, actually. And from there, I've done most of my learning on my own. I don't know," you laughed softly.

God your laugh. Aaron would never get over hearing it. He took a sip of his wine and glanced at you over the rim of the glass, watching you absentmindedly twirl your fork around in the pasta.

"I just find it interesting that there's so many stories that they came up with and they all have some sort of deeper meaning to them."

Aaron nodded in agreement, finding himself entranced with your words. You were right of course. There were so many things those stories explained, like the natural world or even as something simple to not be selfish.

"That's why I like them so much. The interpretation of them all varies and you can learn so much," he added.

"I like the ones with Jason and the Astronauts," Jack interrupted. Small laughs from you and Aaron filled the space between you at Jack's mispronunciation.

"Argonauts," you and Aaron said at the same time, correcting the young Hotchner.

Jack scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "What's the word?" he asked.

"Argonauts," Aaron repeated.

"Astronauts is cooler," Jack concluded as he took another bite of his chicken. "Can I be excused?"

Aaron glanced at his plate and pointed his fork in the direction of his son's food. "Eat another bite of chicken and you can be."

Jack scarfed down the chicken quickly and left the table.

Realization hit you rather quickly.

It was just you and Aaron. A tinge of pink fell across your face at the fact that you were alone with Aaron.

You cleared your throat and shifted in your seat, sitting up straighter. "So, how did your lecture go today?" you asked.

Aaron shrugged his shoulders and kept his gaze on his plate. "Could have gone better, I suppose."

"What did you talk about?" You took another drink of your wine and this time, it was you glancing at him over the rim of the glass.

"Orpheus and Eurydice."

"That's a good one. Heartbreaking in the end but I like the story of it all," you admitted.

Of course you knew it. Aaron figured you would. He wished you could have been in his class. You clearly knew so much about the subject matter and he was becoming impressed the more you spoke.

"It's definitely one of the sadder ones," he agreed.

You placed your fork down on your napkin, full from the delicious dinner you just ate. "I think it's one of the best representations of agape in Greek mythology that there is," you added, running your finger along the rim of your wine glass.

Aaron felt his nerves go wild.

Agape?

How the hell did you know about that?

You certainly kept him on his toes.

"And you know about agape, the Greek word for the concept of self-sacrificing love. I have to say, Y/N, I really wasn't expecting you to be so well versed in the subject," he admitted. "But figures, a smart girl like you would go above and beyond to learn about whatever you set your mind to." He took another sip of his wine and his eyes were looking at you more intently.

You definitely felt your face blush at his words. You tried to keep your composure as best as possible, but how could you when he was being so fucking charming and looking at you the way he was?

"I am just full of surprises," you teased, making your voice almost a whisper.

You watched as Aaron licked his lips and raised his eyebrows. "You most certainly are," he agreed, his words coming out with an exhale. "Question for you though."

"Hm?"

"What makes you think that the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice is full of agape?" he challenged.

You took a moment to try to cohesively get your thoughts together. Well, as best you could with the way Aaron was looking at you.

"Well for starters, the man literally went to the Underworld to try to get his wife back. It was an unheard of feat. And the fact that Orpheus was willing to do whatever it took to get her back just shows how much he couldn't live without her. How much he loved her."

Aaron nodded slowly, finishing the rest of his wine. "You make a good point there," he said after he swallowed the chardonnay.

You nodded in agreement. You couldn't believe that you were engaging in such a deep conversation with Aaron. But it felt so natural. So right.

You glanced at the clock, seeing that it was almost 9pm. "I think I better get going," you said quietly. You pushed yourself away from the table and placed your dishes in the sink.

When you turned around to go grab your things, you bumped into a solid mass.

Aaron.

He grunted lightly at the contact, a flicker of his smile dancing across his lips.

"Sorry," you said quickly as he looked down at you. You stared at him for a second, as he did to you, before pulling yourself out of your trance and stepping around him to grab your belongings.

"Not a problem," he said as he placed his and Jack's dishes in the sink. "Let me walk you out." You nodded silently and watched as he grabbed the pack of cigarettes off the counter.

He patted the bottom of the carton against his palm before taking one of the cigarettes out, resting it between his lips as he walked with you towards the door.

He opened the door for you and you turned to say your goodbyes.

As much as you truly didn't want to.

"Thank you for dinner," you said with a smile.

"Don't worry about it," he assured as he leaned against the doorframe, the cigarette bouncing between his lips with each word.

"Enjoy the rest of your weekend, Aaron."

"You too, Y/N."

You headed to your car, settling into the driver's seat quickly, your brain still reeling from the events of the night.

You glanced back towards the Hotchner home and saw Aaron still leaning against the door frame, the faint orange glow of the lit cigarette piercing through the darkness of the sky.

You pulled away from the house and headed back home, watching as the Hotchner home disappeared from your rear view mirror.

Once you got home, you opened the door and pressed your back against it, still shocked with the overwhelming feelings that were still in your stomach, your head. Everywhere.

Esmé turned her head around towards you from the couch. When she saw your shocked and speechless expression, a shit-eating grin grew rapidly on her face. "Spill...the...details...now," she demanded as you sat down next to her on the couch.

As you were retelling the way you and Aaron had a few more moments that night, your phone dinged.

"Don't be a fool! Answer it!" Esmé hollered, smacking her hand gently on your leg.

Your heart fluttered when you saw the name of the person texting you.

Aaron Hotchner

-You left your book here. I found it under the couch when I was straightening up.

-Oh, I totally forgot about it! Sorry! I'll grab it on Monday.

-The Centaur, huh? You really are a bit of a nerd when it comes to mythology aren't you?

-Maybe. But it's also just a good book in general.

-I'll have to give it a read then.

-I'm going to test you on it if you do read it, just so you're aware.

-I'll be counting on it.

-Goodnight, Y/N.

-Goodnight, Aaron.

You sighed loudly, trying to ignore Esmé who was staring at you with wide eyes. You clutched your phone tighter in your hand and turned to look at her.

"I'm in such deep shit," you admitted as you leaned back on the couch, resting your head on the headrest.

——

authors note:

i hope you all enjoyed this chapter! i also hope the lecture part wasn't too boring. i figured it was a good change of pace.

thanks for reading! i appreciate the support <3

see you next chapter!

-jordyn

#aaronhotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #hotch #hotch x you #hotch x y/n #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction

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sarah-sandwich · 2 years

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hellooo i just finished "paradise" and you really said "y'all want slow burn, i'll give you slow burn."

no but seriously i loved it so much just. EVERYTHING. how do you plan your fics so well? teach me your ways.

Haha thank you!! I love to suffer <3

Usually the planning comes later. I don't normally do extensive outlining especially when I'm just getting started. When I start a fic I'm just chasing my bliss. I write the scenes that I'm most excited about, the ones that made me want to write the fic in the first place (the bank scene with the dye pack then Peter's realization was the first thing I wrote for Paradise). Then when I start running out of steam, that's when I sit down and figure out how they all connect together into a cohesive story. What scenes do I need to add to make it all fit together? What's missing to make the scenes I'm excited about the most impactful?

I'm talking outlining but like, bullet points. Or checkboxes actually. I like to outline with pen and paper because I think better that way and I can scribble 😊 I put in just enough detail to guide the story to where I want it to go (the bank scene) without making me feel like I already wrote it so I'm done, I got what I wanted, and I abandon the fic.

Outline example from a current wip:

at house, too windy for a fire, tense and quiet after Spidey reveal--boiling point--Harley finally tells Peter how badly his near-death affected him

garage talk + mama + index cards + new appreciation for each other

Day 5:

weirdly nice to each other. Harley does something sweet and Peter can only stare, heart in his throat, yearning

Peter takes off the gloves. Treats Harley how he has always wanted to.

Garage talk, mama, and index cards are existing scenes that I had already written at the time I made the outline and I only needed to connect them together (which I just did last night 💪). The day 5 bullet points haven't been written yet. I haven't decided exactly what the nice thing Harley will do is, only that whatever he does will springboard Peter into action.

I spend a lot of time with ideas percolating, waiting for one to pop up that makes me go Yeah that's how it goes! I don't want the nice thing Harley does to be some blah thing. Oh he handed Peter a pen what a gentleman 🥱😴 I want it to call back to something shitty he did at the start that shows how he has grown as a character. Or something uniquely kind to Peter to show how he has come to really know him. Or maybe the realization is all on Peter's end. Maybe Harley has been showing him all along how he understands his needs and who he is and what he's willing to sacrifice for him, but Peter couldn't see it until the protective layer of sarcasm and the bad attitude was put away.

That's pretty much it? I add more details to my outline as they come to me. As I get closer to the end, I might make a new outline only for the remaining scenes that's less broad strokes and more scene by scene. If it's a plot-heavy fic or I have more than 2 POV characters then I have to do a lot more up-front outlining to keep all of my ducks in a row and make sure everyone's story lines are getting the screen time they deserve (this is exclusively about You're Freaking Out 😭 that fic tried to break me lol) but normally my frankenfic method serves me pretty well! It does mean a lot of editing though lol

#thanks!!#i love talking about my writing lol #sswrites

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addictedtostorytelling · 3 years

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I’ve recently finished rewatching S4 and the whole GS relationship just doesn’t make sense to me in this season. They’re so hot and cold depending on the episode. One minute he’s confessing he couldn’t choose her over his work the next their flirting over Japanese culture. In one scene he’s saying he doesn’t see her and then the next episode their in nearly every scene together. Were the writers confused with what they wanted from their story line during that season or what? I’m just confused by the whole dynamic

hi, anon!

i have a couple of posts explaining the ins and outs of the s4 gsr arc here and here, which i'll use as preface to everything i'm about to say now.

i also have a post explaining the weird anomaly that is episode 04x13 "suckers" here, if you're interested.

otherwise, more discussion after the "keep reading."

outside of the universe of the show, i think the writing of the gsr arc in s4 is reflective of production realities.

with the exception perhaps of s7, most seasons of csi were not plotted out in detail from start to finish before they began but rather were painted with “broader strokes” as they went along.

the writers would have some ideas of what they wanted each main character’s arc for the year to be, and they might also have some “beats” planned out in advance—like, say, for instance, “we want grissom to hit his emotional low-point by mid-season” or whatever—however, they wouldn’t necessarily know from the get-go what the exact content of every episode was going to be or the particular route each storyline would ultimately take to arrive at its final destination.

they tended to write as the season went along, composing scripts for the first couple of episodes of the season before filming began, and then composing the next few scripts while those episodes were filmed, and so on until the end of the season.

this process of “writing as they went along” allowed tptb to make adjustments as needed as the season progressed (based on things like fluctuating actor availability, audience response, production issues, cast chemistry, network demands, current events, etc.); it also enabled them to follow their muses and pursue different leads based on their sense of what was working in the narrative and what wasn’t, providing them with flexibility in their storytelling.

of course, one of the side-effects of writing episodes in this “we’ll figure it all out along the way” style over the course of a 20+ episode serialized season is that invariably there ended up being some “filler episodes.”

nowadays, when most shows tend to run much shorter ten- to twelve-episode seasons and also plot out their episodes from the get-go, long before each season airs, we don’t really get as many of these one-off story padders. but back in the day, they were common, and csi was a show that occasionally featured them.

now.

to speak to csi s4 and the gsr arc specifically, my sense—which, admittedly, i don’t really have any way to substantiate—is that the writers had a general idea of how they wanted to wield grissom and sara over the course of the year, and for the most part, they managed to do what they wanted. however, because they as a rule never made the romantic storyline “foreground material” and also did feature some filler episodes that just so happened to be gsr-heavy throughout the season, there were some slight “cracks” or “gaps” in the arc, which ultimately made it less than completely internally cohesive.

it’s important to note that at the end of s3, the writers seriously considered dropping the romantic gsr arc altogether.

they’d been teasing the “will they or won’t they?” angle between these two characters for three years and had finally come to a place where they’d had sara ask grissom out and grissom flat-out tell her no, and their sense was that maybe that beat should be the end of the storyline—that they’d played gsr out and should be done with the thing going forward.

however, billy and jorja advocated to keep the romantic storyline alive, saying that they both enjoyed portraying it and also felt that it was important to their characters.

thankfully, the writers were smart enough to listen to them, and that’s where the s4 gsr storyline comes from—i.e., from them figuring out what to do with grissom and sara in the wake of grissom’s rejection of sara’s romantic overture at the end of s3.

the “broad strokes” storyline that they came up with was that after having been rejected by grissom, sara would struggle with depression, her behavior becoming increasingly reckless throughout the course of the year. meanwhile, grissom wouldn’t really know how to let go of sara, despite having been the one to deny them a relationship in the first place. eventually, when sara hit rock bottom, grissom would be faced with a new choice in regards to their relationship: to either stand back and do nothing, preserving the separateness he’d imposed on them at the end of s3, or to step in and show how much he cares for her from then on.

as stated above, i think that, on the whole, the writers were successful in crafting this storyline.

however, admittedly, because csi was never a show that made romance its main priority or devoted a lot of narrative resources to showing the characters’ personal lives, that storyline is, by default, a subtle one. it doesn’t get touched on in every episode. it also isn’t—with the exception of in episode 04x12 “butterflied”—something that is generally explicitly addressed.

as is always the case with gsr, it’s something that takes place mostly “between the lines” and is very gradual.

there are also a handful of filler episodes throughout the course of the year that ultimately distract from and complicate this storyline somewhat.

to me, the main offenders in this category are episodes 04x13 “suckers,” 04x19 “bad words,” and 04x21 “turn of the screws.”

while all three of these episodes stick out like sore thumbs from the rest of the gsr storyline throughout the season, failing to match tone and timbre, to me, the most egregious of them is episode 04x13 “suckers,” which, as the follow-up to episode 04x12 “butterflied,” comes across as a complete non sequitur.

again, i’ll direct you to the post i linked at the start of this response for my full thoughts on this episode, but suffice it to say it presents such a marked departure from the stuff that came before it that it’s hard to know what to make of it at all.

while i believe that we can ultimately arrive at a plausible in-universe explanation for how grissom and sara act toward each other in that episode as well as the other two aberrant episodes of s4, episodes 04x19 “bad words” and 04x21 “turn of the screws,” i think we also have to keep in mind the outside-of-the-universe-of-the-show truth, which is that none of those three episodes were written with the larger season-long gsr storyline in mind; they were meant to be one-off, “case of the week” type episodes, not character pieces or reflections of the overarching themes for the year.

they’re not really in conversation with episodes like 04x07 “invisible evidence” or 04x12 “butterflied” or 04x16 “getting off” or 04x23 “bloodlines;” they’re just their own things.

in terms of their tones and how they depict grissom and sara’s relationship, i’ve always thought that they’d be more at home somewhere during the gsr lovefest that is late s2.

that said, one thing that can help us reconcile these “outlier episodes” with the rest of the s4 gsr storyline is to realize that while to us as viewers—and particularly viewers in the day and age of streaming and binge-watching—it may seem like each episode in the season takes place immediately after the one proceeding it, in many cases, within the universe of the show, there are days and even weeks in-between these events.

for example, in-universe, the events of episode 04x12 “butterflied” take place on 01.15.04. however, the events of episode 04x13 “suckers” don’t take place until 02.04.04, three weeks later, meaning that contrary to how things might appear to us, sara does actually have some time to gather herself and swallow her emotions after hearing grissom’s confession before she ends up working the casino art heist case with him.

likewise, while it may seem like the events of episodes 04x16 “getting off” and 04x19 “bad words” happen in fairly short succession from our perspective, within the universe of the show, the former episode takes place in february and the latter in april, meaning that months pass between grissom hauntedly telling sara he “hasn’t seen [her] lately” and them contentedly working the logos tournament case together.

one curious thing about s4 is that there are also some episodes that were aired out of sequence from how they were filmed, the in-universe dates for which are also out of order.

as i talk about in this post,

the “in-universe” dates for the five episodes between 04x12 “butterflied” and 04x16 “getting off” don’t match the order in which they originally aired.

chronologically, they take place in the following order:

* 04x12 “butterflied” takes place, in-universe, on 01.15.04 * 04x14 “paper or plastic?” takes place, in-universe, on 01.16.04 * 04x13 “suckers” takes place, in-universe, on 02.04.04 * 04x16 “getting off” takes place, in-universe, on 02.05.04 * 04x15 “early rollout” takes place, in-universe, on 02.11.04

imo, if one views these episodes in order of their production code numbers and internal dates (as listed above), the gsr narrative actually makes a lot more sense than it does when one views these episodes in the order in which they originally aired.

of course, episode 04x13 “suckers” still doesn’t really fit, even going by the internal dates, but at least this way it doesn’t take place right on the heels of the gut-punch that is episode 04x12 “butterflied,” you know?

anyway.

the tl;dr point is that i think there is generally internal cohesion within the s4 gsr storyline—we just need to know how to look at it and maybe do a little squinting when it comes to those aforementioned filler episodes.

so.

within the universe of the show, what goes on with gsr in s4 is essentially a tug-of-war between grissom's fear and his love, with sara caught in the middle.

in order to understand what’s going on with them, we have to start from the beginning.

when grissom and sara first meet before the start of the series, they fall in love at first sight. they then spend 2+ years while sara is still living in san francisco having some kind of nebulous and poorly defined ~relationship~.

while it's open to debate as to whether or not they have sex at this point or would consider themselves to be officially dating, what's more certain is that they both have feelings for each other, even at this early juncture.

that so, when in 2000, grissom suddenly and unexpectedly becomes the supervisor of the graveyard shift at the lvpd crime lab, he acts on those feelings by making his first official action in that role to offer sara a job on his team, thus bringing her closer to him—a job which she immediately accepts, given that she is just as in love as he is.

when she moves to vegas, they both initially have the expectation that her doing so will result in their relationship elevating "to the next level."

however, that's not what ends up happening.

instead, grissom gradually over the course of s1 arrives at the conclusion that not only would being in a romantic relationship with one of his subordinates jeopardize his career, but it would also make him emotionally vulnerable.

whereas before, while sara was still living in california, he kept his feelings for her in a neat little "box" to be taken out when he saw her at conferences and over long weekends and then placed up on the high shelf in his heart when he went back to his "real life" in vegas, now that she's with him all of the time, living in his city, he can't compartmentalize in that way anymore; the feelings are there constantly, and they're unavoidable, and they're big and they're vast and they're powerful—and the fact that there are is terrifying to him, because he realizes that he can't control them.

he finds himself in love with this girl, whom, according to "the rules," he shouldn't be in love with, and he's helpless to stop himself from feeling how he does. not only does the fact that he's in love with her not bode well for his career, but it also causes him to question himself—to question if he's actually built for being in a romantic relationship.

he worries that the more sara sees him "up close"—and not just on special occasions but every damn day, in the aftermath of hard cases, at times when he's tired and emotionally drained and not at his best—the more she'll come to recognize his flaws. it was easy for him to come across as cool and charming and aloof when she was only seeing him every once in a while, but now that they're around each other all the time, it's impossible to hide his rougher edges from her; sooner or later, she's going to realize that he is (in his view of himself) a misanthropic, socially stunted, dark-souled, inherently selfish old man who's never learned how to share his life with anyone, and he's scared to death that when she does, any love she may have felt for him previously will run out.

that so, he is highly reluctant to get into a real romantic relationship with her because he fears that once he does—and especially if he makes the necessary sacrifices with his career in order to do so—she'll eventually change her mind/heart about him (i.e., that he'll give up everything to be with her, and then he won't even get to keep her in the end).

and he can't stand that thought.

so not long after sara moves to vegas, he starts trying to retreat from her, changing the nature of their relationship from personal to professional.

however, the operative word here is trying.

—because for as scared as grissom is of sara potentially rejecting him once she realizes his flaws, and for as much as him being scared prevents him from actually being with her in any "official" capacity, the fact is that he is still, just as much as ever, in love with her, and because he is, he is always (in spite of himself and his trepidations) drawn to her, like a moth to a flame.

and so we see a situation during s1 and s2 where grissom perpetuates a kind of cycle with sara, over and over again:

first he gets close to her (because that's what his heart and his instincts are telling him to do).

then once he becomes cognizant of how close he actually is to her—which is something that tends to happen when sara makes some kind of move or gesture in acknowledgment of and/or response to their closeness—he panics, realizing that he is coming up against a line he dares not cross.

at that point, he retracts from sara emotionally/socially, trying desperately to reassert professional boundaries between them.

however, seldom does he manage to do so gracefully, and so he typically ends up hurting her feelings in the process.

of course, since he's still in love with her, once he realizes that he's hurt her feelings, he can't stand to leave things that way, so then he attempts to make amends, acting very sweet and attentive to her to cheer her up and win back her affections.

from that point, one thing leads to another, and pretty soon, he's getting close to her again (because that's what his heart and his instincts tell him is right).

the cycle then repeats again from there.

throughout the course of this cycle, grissom straddles the line between being sara's boss and being sara's boyfriend, leaning into a more authoritarian role during the parts of the cycle when he's acting in fear and a more supportive and affectionate one during the parts of the cycle when he's listening to his heart.

he ends up largely splitting the difference—which in a way, works for him because it means that he gets to experience while not the best of both worlds, at least a livable part of both of them, in the sense that he can keep the balance of his life largely undisturbed while still enjoying sara's company as long as they're at work. though he may not get to fully share his life with her in the way he secretly very much wants to, he does kind of get a taste of what doing so would be like, which is as much as he can hope for without putting his career and his heart too much on the line.

as i talk about in this post,

grissom’s fear that sara will reject him couples with his professional anxieties surrounding his relationship with her.

he asks sara to come work for him in las vegas, and suddenly he’s got catherine raising her eyebrows at him when he and sara get too flirty in the halls (see episode 01x03 “crate n’ burial”); the undersheriff and fbi riding his ass about how he manages sara on career cases (see episode 01x23 “strip strangler”); nick and warrick expressing jealousy whenever he shows sara the slightest hint of preferential treatment (see episode 01x10 “sex, lies, and larvae”); and even sara herself pushing up against boundaries and buttons and making it difficult for him to untangle his personal feelings for her from their work (see episodes 01x10 “sex, lies, and larvae” and 01x16 “too tough to die”).

grissom knows what people will think if they find out how he feels about sara. he knows that he could lose his job if he takes things to the next level.

if he gives in to his heart, he honestly believes he will lose everything: his career, his sense of self, and, ultimately, even her.

and that’s a risk he cannot take.

so, as things are, grissom contents himself with having sara’s company at work and even treating their professional relationship like a quasi-dating situation while otherwise keeping her at arm’s length.

sara is, essentially, his work girlfriend, and that arrangement works for him.

he can flirt with her when he likes (as long as things don’t get too personal); he can occasionally walk arm-in-arm with her around their crime scenes; they can trade trivia and jokes; he can pay attention to her and make her smile; she can emotionally support him and calm him down when he’s upset (see episodes 01x19 “gentle, gentle” and 02x05 “scuba doobie-doo”); he can show her off to his superiors (see episode 03x02 “the accused is entitled”); they can share weirdly intimate moments; etc.; etc.

really, they can do everything short of going home together.

but when things get too intense, he can also shut their interactions down at a moment’s notice. he can maintain his space, go off by himself, even turn his attentions—fleetingly and superficially—to other women, like teri miller (see here).

nothing he’s willing to do with sara endangers his career. they toe that line between coworkers and significant others, and they keep everything relatively clean that way. furthermore, he’s able to to some extent “have her” without fear that he will lose her. if he never lets her get too close to him, she won’t see his flaws, and she won’t reject him; she’ll stay with him, almost happily, forever.

sure, in his heart of hearts, grissom very much yearns to extend his and sara’s relationship to all the spheres in his life (see his original monologue from “butterflied”), and, certainly, on a subconscious level, he realizes that he is dissatisfied with the status quo between himself and sara, particularly when she dates hank peddigrew during s2 and s3.

in a better world, in a better life, where grissom could be sure that sara would love him forever and that he could know that he was actually good enough for her, he would want to be the man she came home to after shift. he would want them to share everything. to be everything for each other.

but in this world, their arrangement mostly works for him.

it mostly meets his needs.

and, because it does, he remains generally oblivious to the fact that things aren’t working out this way for sara.

—because that's the thing:

while grissom is busy trying to simultaneously keep sara far enough away so that she won't pose any danger to his lifestyle or sense of emotional security but also close enough to at least somewhat satisfy the longings of his heart, sara is just confused.

one day, grissom's treating her like she's just another subordinate; the next, he's being romantic as hell with her.

from her pov, there's no rhyme or reason to his behavior, no predicting it, and no making sense of it given how things used to be for them before she moved from san francisco and what her expectations were once she got to vegas.

she has to wonder: did she do something wrong? was she mistaken about grissom's intentions in asking her to join his team? if so, then why does he still sometimes treat her like she's his girlfriend, though? how come he's not one way or the other all of the time?

honestly, it's emotionally exhausting to her, reacting to his hot-and-cold behavior, always waiting for him to come down on one side or the other in terms of their relationship.

but what else can she do?

for as much as he's still in love with her, she's still in love with him.

so she hangs on, knowing they're not currently together but hoping that if she's just patient enough, maybe someday they will be, experiencing all kinds of emotional highs and lows in response to grissom's ever-fluctuating behavior toward her in the meanwhile.

—at least until mid-s2, when it finally starts to hit her just how far off she and grissom are from where she originally envisioned they'd be when she first moved to vegas.

as i talk about in this post,

in order to understand the deal with sara in s4, you have to look back all the way to s2 first, and specifically to episode 02x12 “you’ve got male.”

in that episode, grissom and sara have what is for them a really good day. the case they’re working involves the murders of two sisters, one a wild child and one a wallflower. they spend a bunch of time together and get along really well, even making jokes about how they can both relate to the more reclusive of the two sisters. ultimately, they end up solving their case and getting justice for the vics. all in all, it’s a fine exercise in teamwork for them, with lots of opportunities to flirt, to boot.

except.

as part of their investigation, they end up sifting through the wallflower victim’s old emails and finding her correspondence with her ex-con boyfriend.

sara reads then aloud to grissom from one of the letters and finds herself relating very strongly to the words.

“‘i know it sounds weird,’” she quotes, “‘but my life began when i first heard your voice. when you said my name, it felt so right. did you feel it, too?’”

as she reads, she starts to sound somewhat choked-up, and she fidgets under grissom’s attention. though she doesn’t cop to it in any kind of direct way, it’s obvious by her reaction that she very much feels the sentiment of the words she’s reading—that to her, life began when she first heard grissom’s voice; that him saying her name awakened something in her; that she wonders if he had the same experience that she did.

clearly, her whole life changed upon meeting grissom, to the point where she doesn’t even consider that she was really living before him.

as she finishes the passage, she briefly allows herself to glance at his face but quickly turns away again, seeming overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.

“it’s easy to wear your heart on your sleeve when you’re not looking in his eyes,” she stammers, trying to move past the enormity of the truth she just admitted to (albeit using someone else’s words).

though this scene is brief in duration, it has a major effect on sara going forward.

reading those words in conjunction with working a case involving a piteous “old maid” who died before she had really gotten the chance to live is enough to make sara stop and take stock of her life for the first time in a couple years.

in doing so, sara realizes that though she had moved to las vegas with the expectation that crossing state lines would allow her to have a more serious relationship with the love of her life and live happily ever after with him (see episode 05x12 “snakes”), that isn’t what’s actually happened for her; instead, she and grissom have grown increasingly more distant from each other ever since she started working for him, and she’s spent the last year and a half in limbo, waiting around for him to make a move that she now understands he’s probably never going to make.

she just turned thirty a couple of months ago, and she can’t help but feel like she’s wasting her life.

yes, she’s working her dream job, but is that really all there is?

a couple months back, she met a cute paramedic who seemed interested in her, and she flirted with him but never really pursued anything.

and why not?

out of some misguided sense that if she just waited around long enough, eventually grissom would sweep her off her feet?

she was ready to commit to grissom from day #1, but he seems more than happy to continually put her off, always keeping her close enough to maintain her hopes but far enough to not quite fulfill her needs.

with that realization, sara decides that if grissom isn't willing to be her boyfriend, then maybe she needs to find someone who is.

that's how she ends up dating hank peddigrew for over a year and half between s2 and s3—not because she loves him or because she's fallen out of love with grissom but because she needs companionship, and she is tired of holding out for grissom to be the one to give it to her when doing so doesn't seem to be his prerogative.

she figures that if she can't be with the man she actually loves, then being with hank is better than nothing.

of course, sara dating hank makes grissom miserable, not only because it means he is at risk of losing her forever—if she married hank or had kids with him or even just stayed in a committed relationship with him forever, what would grissom do then? how could he cope?—but also because it shatters the illusion that he's been living under that she is still in some way his.

pretending that she's his girlfriend while they're at work is all well and good, but that game is only really playable if she's not actually someone else's girlfriend in all other aspects of her life, you know?

he doesn't know how to deal with her actually being in a relationship with somebody else.

—and that's why he starts acting like a jealous bastard to her at the start of s3, using his position as her supervisor to punish her for suddenly having a life outside of work.

thankfully, sara lets that behavior from him fly for all of three episodes before she calls him out for his hypocrisy, pointing out how unfair of him it is to fault her for building a life that doesn’t include him when he is patently unwilling to be part of her life himself.

to grissom's credit, after sara confronts him, he does change his tune, starting to treat her better throughout the rest of s3, even as she continues to date hank.

the trouble is, he falls right back into the same cyclical pattern as before and, having almost lost her, now starts at step #5, acting sweet to her and showing her affection, to the point where by the end of the season, they're suddenly back to step #2, with sara feeling as if there's good reason to believe that she and grissom have finally turned a corner, and he may want to actually be with her after all.

that so, after her relationship with hank comes to an abrupt end, she asks grissom out, deciding that what she really wants isn't just random companionship but his companionship—not just a boyfriend but him as her boyfriend specifically.

unfortunately for her, she couldn't have picked worse timing to pose grissom with this choice, as, unbeknownst to her, he is now grappling with the issue of hearing loss and feeling more so than ever like he is not a viable partner for her and that any relationship he were to have with her would be doomed to fail (even though he wants nothing more than to just be with her always).

this post talks more about what runs through grissom's head in episode 03x22 "play with fire" when sara asks him out, but the bottom line is that when the moment finally comes and she offers him the option to live "the beautiful life" with her, he isn't emotionally ready; though he loves her, he still fears that if he were to be with her, the relationship would only be temporary, and he can't stand the thought of having her for a time only to then lose her again.

so he declines.

now.

there have been plenty of other times prior to this point when grissom has disappointed sara and been aware of it.

i mean, that's the cycle, right?

he knows he frequently fucks up with her and has come close to losing her more than once since she first moved to vegas.

it's just that all of those other times, he was always able to course correct—to cover his gauche behavior toward her with sweet attention to her afterward, to express how sorry he was by buying her flowers plants, to undo professional slights with personal compliments, to find some way to prove to her that despite his flaws and fears he would always find a way back to her.

by comparison, this fuck-up feels final, like there's no undoing it.

she asked him point-blank to take a chance on her—on them—and he told her no.

that's not something they can come back from, he doesn't think.

in his mind, he had one his last chance with her, and he just blew it, passing on the one thing he'd ever wanted because he was still too scared to put everything on the line.

that so, he comes to the conclusion that since there's no way to take back his decision, all he can do is try—for both of their sakes—to make peace with it going forward.

if he can't date sara because he is her boss (and he's not ready for that status to change), then he just needs to be her boss, doesn't he? he needs to do his best to establish professional boundaries between them and relate to her solely on the level of him being her supervisor and her being his subordinate. he can't pull any more of his old “acting like her boyfriend at work” shenanigans; he's got to be 100% committed to remaining at an acceptable collegial distance from her.

—and not just because that's what's prudent for his career but also because that's what's fair to her.

if he's never going to be brave enough to be with her, he figures, then he needs to stop stringing her along. he nearly lost his damn mind when she was dating hank, but, really, he had no right to be so jealous when he had had every opportunity to be with her himself but had always found reason to decline her—and he realizes as much now.

he knows he’s been a jerk.

if he isn't willing or able to be part of her life outside of work, then he needs to give her the space to live however she wants to without him—to seek happiness elsewhere.

and in order for that to happen, he needs to relinquish all claim on her; he must truly remove himself from her enough so that she can move on and make choices that don't involve him.

that's just the way things have to work from now on, in his mind.

so.

that brings us to s4, which sees grissom trying his damnedest to relate to sara only insofar as he is her boss and they work together.

unfortunately, the trouble for him is that despite his best efforts to create some emotional and professional distance between himself and sara, he keeps finding himself in situations where his feelings for sara and their history with each other are very much brought to the fore, making them inescapable for him.

in episode 04x03 "homebodies," the nature of the case he and sara end up working together reminds him of just how much she is tied up in his personal notions of the concepts of "home" and "family" and stirs up his protective feelings for her.

in episode 04x07 "invisible evidence," the infamous "pin me down" scene confronts him with his sexual attraction to her, which has not diminished at all, even though he's spent the last several months trying to convince himself not to think about her that way anymore.

in episode 04x08 "after the show," he's forced to acknowledge just how impossible it is for him to separate his professional dealings with her from his personal feelings for her.

and, of course, in episode 04x12 "butterflied," seeing her dead doppelgänger sends him spiraling into an emotional tailspin, causing him to finally admit to himself that despite his best efforts to "move on," not only is he still madly in love with her but he also deeply regrets turning down her previous invitation for them to be together and would do anything he could to take his declination back.

and so commences the emotional tug-of-war.

grissom tries to relate to sara only on a professional level and even goes somewhat overboard in his attempts to impose boundaries between them, avoiding working cases with her when he can, sending her off on unsavory assignments either by herself or paired off with anyone who isn’t him, criticizing her work, thwarting her attempts at promotion, just generally ignoring her, etc., etc.

however, whenever he thinks he may be succeeding at establishing some distance between himself and sara, he finds himself slapped in the face by some case or on-the-job situation that reminds him of how hopelessly in love with her he still is and always will be.

despite his efforts to pull away from her, he always still loves her—and he does secretly, despite his fears and despite how much he tries to convince himself and her and the world otherwise, still want more than anything to be with her.

so he slips up.

cracks emerge in his veneer.

his mask drops.

his façade breaks.

he forgets for a moment or day or the duration of a particular case that he's supposed to be "nightshift supervisor grissom" to her only and starts showing her affection again—flirting with her over their investigations, occasionally allowing his fondness for and attraction to her to show, sometimes acting like he used to back before their relationship started to fracture during s3. he forgets himself and his intentions and even his fears and just does what comes naturally to him, which is to love her.

and that’s how episodes like 04x13 “suckers” and 04x19 “bad words” and 04x21 “turn of the screws” happen.

—but then there's sara’s side of the equation.

from her perspective, she asked grissom out after the lab explosion, and he turned her down. she tried to respect his wishes in this regard by backing off and relating to him solely on a professional level thereafter, no matter how much doing so bruised her heart—only he didn't seem willing to let the fact that she had asked him out go; he kept acting punitively toward her and treating her harshly, regardless of how she comported herself around him.

as i talk about in this post, "what she sees is that she asked grissom out, he said no, and now he’s punishing her, taking her off career cases and denying her his company because she 'broke the rules' and overstepped a boundary. in her mind, grissom is being petty. she took his rejection like a big girl and has been trying to maintain professional boundaries with him ever since, but he refuses to let what happened go. it’s not enough that he told her no once; now he’s telling her no a thousand times, with his words, with his actions, and with the distance he keeps imposing between them. he’s giving her the cold shoulder in the worst kind of way, and she doesn’t know what to do to ameliorate the situation."

she honestly has no idea what she could do differently to show him that she's not going to make ~a thing~ out of her feelings for him if he doesn't want her to, as she feels like she’s already backed off so much that the only way she could back off further would be to quit the team and leave vegas altogether—which is something she’s tried to do in the past (see episode 02x15 “burden of proof”), but he hasn’t let her.

she wonders: would he perhaps be more willing to let her go now?

of course, the problem is that she really doesn’t have anywhere else to go—and especially because, despite how he rejected her, she’s still in love with grissom and is drawn to him, never mind that being around him hurts her right now.

so she stays, trapped in this kind of limbo and miserable—and not just because she lost grissom but because after what happened with hank and with him, she’s convinced she’s going to be alone forever, and meanwhile, her career is stalling, and her mental health is deteriorating, and in general she just kind of feels like she’s falling apart.

the proverbial (rotten) cherry on top of the suckfest sundae that is her life is that even though grissom has been mostly a jerk to her ever since she asked him out, there are still occasions when he does treat her like he used to—when he’s flirtatious and sweet with her out of nowhere, as if the last three years never happened; or even where she’s dead certain that he’s about .2 seconds away from pinning her up against a wall and kissing her senseless—and she has no idea what to do about them or him; all she can do is just kind of helplessly respond because, of course, she’s still in love with him, even after everything.

she hits her nadir during the events of episode 04x12 “butterflied” when she listens in on grissom’s monologue to dr. lurie and hears him say aloud something that for a long time she had feared: namely, that while he does love her, he is unwilling to actually be with her because he doesn’t want to damage his career.

as i talk about in this post,

here is a girl whose parents didn’t love her enough to seek treatment for their issues or alter their toxic patterns for her sake, whose foster families didn’t love her enough to want to make room in their lives to adopt her, and whose ex-boyfriends never loved her enough to want to stay with her in the long term.

given her history, she has always feared that she isn’t good enough—that she doesn’t inspire love that is either lasting or of the type that will lead anyone to take action or make significant changes to their lives on her behalf.

in her experience, she has always only been loved to the extent that it is convenient. no one has ever wanted to love her when doing so were difficult or required effort or sacrifice on their parts. people’s commitments to her have always been extremely conditional.

that so, to hear grissom, the person she loves more than she has ever loved anyone in the world and with whom she has shared the longest and deepest relationship of her life, say that he loves her but not enough to want to take a chance on being with her is the most grievous wound she can be dealt.

learning that he didn’t reciprocate her feelings at all would honestly be easier to accept, as far as she is concerned.

there are very few things he could say to her that would be more hurtful than, “i care about you, but not to the point that i’m going to make anything of it.”

—which is precisely the message of his confession to lurie, from her perspective.

at this point, sara starts leaning into some truly self-destructive behavior, drinking, acting recklessly on the job, and just generally living her life close to the edge.

she does so in part because she is convinced that she is (as someone lacking human ties, who isn’t even a top priority to the one person who actually loves her) expendable.

however, she also does so because, subconsciously, she’s hoping that she’ll be proven wrong, and someone will, to borrow the old jenny slate quote, “grab [her] little face and scream ‘ON PURPOSE, ON PURPOSE I AM GOING TO CARE ABOUT YOU.’”

of course, the person her heart wants to care about her is grissom.

—and he does.

it just also takes him a while to figure out both what’s going on with her and how to address it, given the precarious state of their relationship atm.

and that’s where we find him telling her in episode 04x16 “getting off” that he hasn’t seen her in a while, and expressing to her in episode 04x23 “bloodlines” that maybe she should take some time off.

as i talk about here,

by this point, grissom and sara really haven’t interacted much since the events of episode 04x12 “butterflied.” he’s been keeping his head down, trying to focus exclusively on his work. she’s been suffering in silence.

but then he needs help processing a female suspect, and she’s the closest female criminalist available, so he asks her to help him out, and she does—and even though there is nothing ostensibly personal about the interaction, he can’t help but notice that there’s something not right with her; that she seems so fragile and small.

when she reports her findings to him, she’s so subdued, as if there were a pall over her, and grissom picks up on it right away—because the truth is that despite his best efforts to be objective and impersonal, he has a vested interest in her well-being; he always cares for her so much more than he would like to admit.

—and that’s what grissom notices, is the sadness.

he and sara haven’t gotten many chances to work with each other since the casino exhibit heist, but he pulls her onto his junkie case.

sara processes the suspect, per grissom’s request, and then reports her findings to him. “there’s nothing but a few track marks,” she says. “no defensive wounds, no bruising. junkies usually bruise if you breathe on them too hard. she’s a pile of twigs—very frail.” her voice is soft and even tender. she has compassion for the poor, broken woman she just handled. pity, even.

as she speaks, grissom watches her, transfixed. it is almost like he is seeing her for the first time. perhaps it is because he has always loved this compassionate side to sara, the way she works with both her head and her heart. perhaps it’s because he sees something broken in sara, just like she saw something broken in the suspect. in any case, he can’t help but stare at her, love and concern in his eyes.

“what?” she says, fidgeting under his intense attention.

“i haven’t seen you in a while, have i?” he asks. he means so much more than he says.

sara offers him a sad smile. “you see me every day,” she tells him. if she understands the layers of meaning underlying his question, she doesn’t indicate as much. instead, she exits, leaving grissom alone.

he stands in the hallway for a moment longer, considering. something about his exchange with sara has left him unsettled.

to me, when grissom says “i haven’t seen you in a while,” part of what he means is that he hasn’t allowed himself to watch her and just be in awe of and in love with her the way he used to, not since what happened at debbie marlin’s house. he’s been trying so hard and for so long to stave off his feelings that he hasn’t shared many small, meaningful moments like this one with her over the last few months; he’s been trying to stay back.

another part of what he means is that he hasn’t allowed himself to notice what’s going on with sara (on a personal level), given the distance he’s kept from her. he’s been so caught up in his own headspace—and in trying to sort out his feelings for her—that he hasn’t been paying attention to how she’s faring.

now that he’s watched her carefully, grissom can tell there’s something wrong with sara here. he doesn’t know what it is or how deep it runs, but he knows that she seems quieter and smaller and more fragile than he’s ever seen her before.

and, honestly, the fact that she seems so scares him, both because he hates to think that she’s hurting and because he fears that he can do nothing to fix it. after all, he forfeited any access he might have had to her private life when he turned her down last year. if he asks her what’s wrong now, she might just tell him to go to hell. and if she does, he might just deserve it.

for as small and fleeting as it is, this scene is a very important one, which serves as prelude to the events of episode 04x23 “bloodlines,” when sara’s depression and drinking come to a head, and grissom is finally there for her in the way that he needs to be.

sometimes you can see a person every day and not really see them—not really see what’s going on with them or realize just how much they mean to you. but then suddenly you look at them, and there they are; you suddenly get it.

—and i think that’s what grissom’s saying.

things had been so strained between him and sara for such a long time that he had missed things with her, and it’s in this scene that he arrives at that realization. he still doesn’t know what exactly is wrong with her, and he won’t know in full until s5, when he finally asks sara to tell him what’s wrong in a direct and earnest way, but he’s starting to see that his actions have perhaps had more of an effect on her than he initially thought. he’s starting to see that maybe the distance between them isn’t a good thing for either one of them—that she’s struggling, and she needs someone, and, if not him, then who else? he’s got to step up in a big way. he hates to see her hurting.

of course, grissom doesn’t come to this realization all at once—it’s more of a slow understanding that grows in him throughout the end of s4 and beginning of s5.

but this is definitely a moment when he goes, “wait. i haven’t been paying attention like i need to. i’ve missed something with you, haven’t i?” it’s an instance where he starts to see some of the consequences of his previous actions play out in ways that he doesn’t necessarily like.

all of these plotlines come to a head by the end of s4:

after sara loses out on the promotion to nick (and then learns that the position itself was cut anyway), she drowns her sorrows in the bottle and ends up getting pulled over for drunk driving—an offense that could cost her her job. when grissom is called to collect her from pd, he finally comes to understand what it is he’s been seeing in her of late but hadn’t been able to recognize until now, which is that she’s heartbroken and depressed.

realizing how close he is to losing her, his love finally overcomes his fear, and he takes her hand and takes her home.

from this point forward, going into s5, he determines to be more transparent about his feelings for her and to do whatever it takes to prove to her that he actually does care.

so.

to sum up everything, here’s how s4 ultimately breaks down:

episodes 04x01 “all for country” to 04x03 “homebodies”: grissom starts out the season trying to keep his distance from sara, reset his feelings for her, and establish professional boundaries between them. he does so by avoiding working cases with her when he can and generally treating her tersely when they do end up interacting. however, the events of episode 04x03 “homebodies” confront him with the fact that, despite his best efforts to change, he is still very much in love with her. meanwhile, during this time, sara endures grissom’s standoffish and harsh behavior toward her because she rationalizes that he is simply reacting to her previously asking him out (i.e., that she probably “deserves it” for spooking him). for her part, she tries to toe the line and convince him that she can keep her feelings to herself, if that’s what he wants from her. she figures that if she’s just patient and proves to him that she can be cool, eventually he’ll chill out and they’ll be able to work together without problems.

episodes 04x04 “feeling the heat” to episode 04x07 “invisible evidence”: after the events of episode 04x03 “homebodies,” grissom redoubles his efforts to impose distance between himself and sara—this time in a very literal sense, as they don’t work together much at all for the next several weeks. whether or not sara senses that grissom is actively avoiding her during this period, we can’t say; however, she is probably appreciative of the fact that they don’t have much contact for the moment, believing that it will give them a chance to collect themselves. unfortunately, the best laid plans of crime scene investigators in love seldom work out, so after a few weeks of “time in separate corners,” grissom and sara are suddenly made to work together in close quarters again during the events of episode 04x07 “invisible evidence.” at this point, perhaps fearing a repeat performance from what happened during the events of episode 04x03 “homebodies” (i.e., the last time they worked together closely), grissom puts on a big song-and-dance routine to prove to sara and everyone else that he is the boss™, coming down hard on sara in front of the rest of the team. however, for all of his posturing, he is ultimately yet again confronted by his feelings for sara, when he, despite his better judgment, ends up getting into very close physical proximity to her. at this point, sara takes the opportunity to ask grissom point-blank if they can just start fresh, leaving whatever “happened or didn’t happen between [them]” behind them and just relating to each other on a professional level from here on out.

episodes 04x08 “after the show” to 04x11 “eleven angry jurors”: in the wake of “pin me down”-gate, grissom starts trying even harder to prove to himself and to sara that he is the boss, dammit. in episodes 04x08 “after the show,” 04x10 “coming of rage,” and 04x11 “eleven angry jurors,” in particular, we see him frequently shutting sara down, saddling her with undesirable assignments, and at times even questioning her work ethic. he also starts to show favoritism to nick over sara for the key position promotion (see episode 04x11 “eleven angry jurors”). even so, because he is still in love with sara despite his attempts to convince his heart otherwise, he does still occasionally succumb to his romantic instincts, showing affection to and flirting with her during this time, as well. at this point, sara starts to become cognizant of the fact that grissom is still acting punitively toward her, despite her previous entreaty to him to treat her like just another one of his employees (see episode 04x07 “invisible evidence”). unfortunately, she has no recourse to lodge a complaint about his mismanagement of her, as to do so she would have to admit the reason why he is exercising his authority over her unfairly. with no other avenues available to her, she tries to just grit her teeth and bear the status quo.

episode 04x12 “butterflied”: when grissom sees sara’s doppelgänger dead, he’s so thrown by the image that he can hardly function. for the first time since he declined her offer for them to date, he has no choice but to consciously admit to himself how deeply he regrets his actions and how miserable he is without her. however, since he is still operating under the impression that there is no chance for them to ever be together romantically, it’s all he can do just to pour his heart out to the suspect in their case, believing, as he does so, that he is essentially “unburdening his soul to the void.” little does he realize, of course, but sara overhears every word of his confession and so learns for the first time why exactly he rejected her and what has been motivating his insufferable behavior toward her all year. in the aftermath of this case, they are both absolutely devastated.

episode 04x13 “suckers” to episode 04x22 “no more bets”: however, because they still both work at the lab, they have no choice, no matter how heartbroken they are, but to continue seeing each other and interacting. in episode 04x13 “suckers,” they both mask their pain for the sake of the case. then they have limited contact with each other again until the events of episode 04x16 “getting off,” at which point grissom notices for the first time that something seems unwell with sara, though as of yet he lacks the perspective to fully say what. (remember: he doesn’t know she overheard his confession to dr. lurie.) sara herself provides him with no direct information, so between episodes 04x17 “xx” and 04x22 “no more bets,” he operates under the assumption that things are as fine as they can be, for the most part steering clear of her when he can, though sometimes slipping into his old, affectionate habits with her on the rare occasions when they do actually work together (see episodes 04x19 “bad words” and 04x21 “turn of the screws”). only at the very end of the season, when sara confronts him about picking nick over her for the promotion, is grissom once again cued to the fact that she doesn’t seem entirely all right. however, because of the state of their relationship and his sense that he may actually be the root of her problems (because he broke her heart by rejecting her), he does not feel comfortable approaching her and so hangs back. in the meanwhile, throughout all of this development, sara nurses a deep hurt and sinks deeper into her depression, engaging in problem drinking behaviors and behaving increasingly recklessly on the job. when she learns she lost out on the promotion to nick and then that the promotion was cut anyway, she takes the disappointment hard.

episode 04x23 “bloodlines”: so after one last emotionally fraught case, sara ends up at a bar, drinking alone, and hours later, grissom gets a phone call that she’s been pulled over and brought in to pd, where she is awaiting him (and the disciplinary action it is his responsibility as her supervisor to mete out against her). had his plan to get rid of all of his personal feelings for her and relate to her solely as her supervisor worked, this point would have been the one at which he probably ended up cutting their losses and firing her. but since it didn’t work—even a little bit—what happens instead is that he takes one look at her sitting all alone in the waiting room, seeming so small and about fifty shades of brokenhearted, and he decides he’s going to do better by her. that process starts with him holding her hand and taking her home, but it continues into s5, when he makes the conscious choice to be more forthcoming with her about his feelings and to no longer pretend that his concern with her is impersonal. he starts for the first time in a long time to be her friend again and to show her that he cares, and in so doing, eventually they reach a place where her trust in him is restored, and he’s finally ready to be with her, now less afraid of the consequences of loving her than he is convinced that she needs his love.

so that’s the arc.

like i said, there are a few wonky cues in it, for sure, but ultimately there is a cohesive story there—and one that not only makes sense within the grander scheme of the gsr love story but is integral to it.

s4 is where both grissom and sara reach emotional low points and where grissom in particular realizes that his love for sara is both inevitable and something that he wants.

anyway.

i’ve gone on for a very long time now.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #meta: gsr #meta: production #csi #gsr #season four #let's talk shop #csiverse

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gardenerian · 2 years

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seeing all your thoughts and love for 7x12, which i agree it's one of the best episodes and really ended things perfectly and how s11 missed the mark so much finale (and just overall tbh), makes me wonder (especially since you're in charge now ) what s11, the whole season or just the finale could've been? if it has been more consistent with the earlier seasons and had the s7 finale vibes if that makes sense. so basically im curious what s11 would be like if u wrote it, what basic storylines and how would everyone end the series?

okay YES what i am saying about 7x12 is not that i wish it had been the finale instead of 11x12, or that i would have been happy about not having a better resolution for mickey... it's just that for a hot second that was the finale. and the energy they brought to it, the emotional stakes that were raised - it felt more like a finale than 11x12. as an episode of television, it's glorious. i'm not even talking about the overall s7 arc or what could have been different. of course i would want better for mickey in s7, but it's far better than what we got in s6.

ANYWAYS no pressure or anything 😭 the thing about s11 is that (some of) the bones were good - they just fucked it on execution. they didn't take anything seriously, and they had little cohesion from one episode to the next. so i'll work with what they gave us:

alright so lip and tami are worried about money. yes, sounds good. i don't know how i feel about the born free thing. maybe he loses that job and he doesn't go off the rails and steal those bikes. maybe he loses the job, and he and brad work to keep each other steady?? and i'm even cool with them trying to figure out what to do with the gallagher house - but i would want the conflict with debbie to be handled better. lip does not lie to tami in basically every episode 🙄 and we do not immediately forget about lip's 10x12 relapse, i would have that be something we return to during the season. and brad would be better utilized in this regard!! okay and i would have tami suspect she's pregnant earlier - so the storyline can be about HER and not just about how lip feels about it. i think it's okay that they had some struggles this season, but it needed to be balanced with some wins. maybe lip leaves that dude's house in the finale and goes to pick up some pamphlets at malcolm x. or he at least googles it, jesus.

ian and mickey are getting used to being married and what that means. they have their talks and disagreements about money or getting their new place.... but they don't hit each other! or demean each other! ian quits his job, has a bit of a slump, and mickey finds a solution in the business. i think this takes more than one episode, though. they learn how to run their own business, how to work closely together. all good. terry still dies - idc how, but i'm not putting liam through that. there's no mockery of terry and mickey's relationship, not goofy antics. mickey has MORE TIME AND SPACE to grieve, and he and ian have some room to reflect on their experiences (aka HOS). they don't shove that kids conversation into five minutes during the finale, it's integrated into the terry stuff. i think they'd still move out, but again, it's not shoved into one episode. i think this season is about them forming a more united vision for their future.

debbie and sandy kinda have a similar storyline to ian and mickey - they moved very quickly into a serious relationship, and now they have to figure out how it works in the day to day. debbie grows her business, tries to come back from her ordeal in 10x12. maybe it's difficult, so she struggles there. i'm still cool with her and lip disagreeing about the house.... but it's her house! it's where she is actively living! and i would want her and lip to have better conversations about that. about what it would really mean to her to lose that house. i like that we got more of sandy's story, i do not like how it gave me whiplash. if they break up, it's later in the season, and it's with the understanding that the timing isn't right for them. debbie has some growing up to do, she has some demons to confront. maybe we get the feeling that their story isn't over. NO HEIDI. debbie wraps up the series by committing to franny, to forging a life for the two of them.

fucking carl. carl gets disillusioned with his job, but no POC have to suffer on his journey to realize that it's not what he thought it would be. i think he's like early ian - he was looking for purpose, he was looking to do some good. but he got lost. the problem is... i don't know what happens instead. maybe kev and v take him under their wing earlier, and the idea of him taking over the bar gets planted before the finale. i don't know how he gets the money.... but 🤷🏻‍♀️ carl finds his way to become a figure in the community. (ultimately i'd hc carl doing something else, but for the season, this could be a start)

liam does not suffer for the entire season, i will not allow it. no milkoviches next door. instead of being terrorized by nazis or feeling constantly afraid of becoming homeless, liam is the one to notice something is up with frank. he has to talk to his siblings, who don't care enough about frank to notice a difference. but!!!! they talk to liam, they pay attention to him (even if they don't pay attention to frank). he learns more about things that happened when he was little, when his brothers and sisters shielded him from so much. but he still has his loyalty to frank. liam tries to focus on school, but it's difficult with the pandemic and his sick dad. lip still offers to take him in, no matter what, and he feels more steady.

frank still dies. kev and v still move away - but they are not so isolated from the gallaghers in this season. the twins don't eat a bunch of drugs. i honestly don't remember much else, that season was a fever dream.

they come together in the finale - still love the bonfire callback. no one sings though. they do not stand around and sing at this man whose car is on fire...... i will not allow it. AND THEY TALK ABOUT FIONA, HELL MAYBE THEY CALL HER!!!!

all in all, we just don't waste time on extra characters or extra stories. we focus on them, and how they're gonna move forward. everyone ends the series with a question on what's next..... but we know it's gonna be okay. we know they still have each other. except frank.

#this is a bunch of nonsense #yall don't have to read this #mel answers

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purplerose244 · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on Seabound!!! 🌊🌊🌊 (3/4)

SPOILERS ALERT!!!

Yep yep yep, I'm liking this season a lot! 😍 Although I hope we'll get into a more frantic situation now, like with more battles and more bonding moments (Nya and Maya hopefully, but with Bentho too 🦈🦈🦈)! We got half a season to go, I'M READY!! 😎😎

Alright, here we go!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

I do like the season a lot, maybe MoM was a little more cohesive? Idk but it's not a big complain, I still love it so far 😍

Also maybe I would've liked more interactions between Nya and Maya about how they've been apart for so long, they had a chit chat but I would've loved even more. Maybe with Nya saying that it was fine and she grew up only to realize she is still hurt by that, even though it wasn't Maya's fault. I still like how they did it, I wished there was more that's it 🤷‍♀️

While I do make sense to Maya's behavior, that while it seems a little different from Hands of Time it had its logic in my opinion, maybe Ray feels a little weird? He seems less courageous than before, and it was established that he is a hothead like his son so that came off as unusual 🤔🤔

But I do love the fact that he's here and he's bonding with his son, for real, I've been waiting for this for so long so I'm happy nonetheless 🤩

Maybe I'm just easy to please and I take all I can get idk 😅

THE STORM AMULET

Oh, are we gonna address the wind element? It feels like we haven't really seen a Morro reference since Hands of Time, that would be cool! 😍 I mean, why even mentioning the wind then 😅😅

Well what do you know, they tracked them, who saw that coming?... me, I saw that coming... we all did probably 🤷‍♀️

Jay took upon himself making a quick recap on how Ninjago will be destroyed this time, thanks Bluebell 👌

Yep nyeheh electricity makes Nya go crazy for sure ❤💙 ... wait it wasn't a Jaya pun?

Jay wear your seatbelt please, you risk you life enough 😅😅 Pff lol "are we there yet" and they are actually there, biggest plot twist I've ever heard of 😂

LEGO HUG 💜💜💜

And with someone who might as well join the League of Jay apparently 💙

I liked The Island yet it was not as exciting as I hoped for, but now understand the meaning of it. The ninja helped the keepers and they are all allies. Without The Island the moment where Mammatus gives Nya the amulet wouldn't be as meaningful

Is it just me or Nya looked even more gorgeous during that moment?... just me huh? Okay then 😂💕

Wait that's a fake? Wait... UNCLE POWERS?!? OMG THAT I ACTUALLY DIDN'T SEE COMING 🤯

Here I thought he was just messing around, he always makes things harder 😅 Or maybe better? I mean, they kinda missed a bullet on this one...

BENTHO IS SO SWEET AND COOL OMG HE IS ALREADY OUR FRIEND 💙🦈💙🦈

Jay somehow had his own TV show in the past and yet he's got that horrible acting skills wth 😂😂😂

Kalmaar is a very cool villain, like, deeply evil. Not only he's calculated and merciless, he stops at nothing to get what he wants. And the people that get in the way? He wants them to suffer because they had dared to confront him 😳

And yes the voice does help a lot, I'm sorry I'll keep saying it until the season is over 😂 (or even beyond? Please cast Giles again LEGO 🥺🥺🥺)

Awww Nya no my poor girl 😢 Jay wanted to hug her to comfort her he is so sweet my SHIP ❤💙❤💙

MOM PEP TALK MOM PEP TALK!!! 🤩🤩🤩 How cool was it?

Like, this isn't even Maya asking Nya to believe in herself, this is her saying that she KNOWS her daughter can do anything when she puts her mind into it. FINALLY SHE SEES HOW AMAZING WATER GODDESS IS 💜💜💜

MORE LEGO TEARS OMG THIS SEASON IS FILLED WITH TEARS 😱 Which... kinda makes sense considering it's a water based season 😂

Nice one, and now? NOW WE GO BACK TO KAI COLE AND RAY YAS!!! ❤🖤❤🖤

RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

That is... surprisingly Egypt theme like? It feels like a title coming from the Fire Chapter of season 11... well we got two fire elementals so 😍😍

SPARRING KAI AND RAY

I REPEAT SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! ❤❤❤ Lol Ray got old, but how can someone blame him? He did touch death while aging in Hands of Time, I'm just happy he is alive 😂

Yep, master prankster Wu, that's what I love 👌👌 I always thought Wu had become a father figure for Kai at the beginning, so seeing Ray and Wu in the same picture feels very wholesome to me 😚

Ah, uncle Powers, I both love you and hate you so freaking much 😌😌 But you make cool slides nonetheless 😂

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH BEAUTIFUL SMITH INTERACTIONS??

BECAUSE I LIKE IT KEEP GOING 🤩

Oh no you guys are stranded on an island whatever are you going to do?? It's not like you had already before and managed to survive (Skybound) or you got stranded on a rock in a sea of sand filled with giant monsters (Fire Chapter) or you were on a freaking COMET in SPACE (Rebooted). Yeee, this is the worst yet 🙂

I'm starting to think these ninja are just a bunch of drama queens so no matter what happens, it's always hopeless 😂😂 I feel like I'm kinda right on this one honestly 😛

Whoa whoa WHOA WHO IS NYAD THIS SOUNDS VERY COOL???

Aww I like that, while Ray told his kids stories about dragons and how they traveled through the Underworld, Maya told them about Nya the first water master that could summon whales 💙❤💙❤

Pff imagine if it turned out Nya was the master of fire, carrying a very water based name? Lol

Maya: I would know if it was possible!

Nya: Yeah, like she knows that I can control a bit of ice because it's frozen water

Maya:...

Maya: YOU WHAT

I find both interesting and very annoying that this explorers club thinks so highly of themselves, to the point the deny to aid even the FREAKING SAVIORS OF THEIR FREAKING LAND 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Misako got good reflexes after all, Kai was probably ready to melt this guy's face 😅

Oh, so a trial by Sphinx is a challenge? A mental one? A cultural one? A physical one? Idk but Misako is actually taking charge and that is cool I guess 🤷‍♀️

Okay this is kind of weird, how is Ray so afraid? Is it because there's fire?... did he... did he grow afraid of fire for some reason? Because it feels a bit off for now, but if there is a deeper meaning that could be interesting 🤔

Wait is that the riddle from Decoded? That's fire right?

IT IS FIRE 🔥🔥🔥

Lol at least in this one Kai wasn't completely ignored 😂 I know my flame babe isn't the most rational person, but I do like that it was an answer connected to his element where he used his head!

Ah Clutch, you really got no backbone 😅 And apparently you're the only explorer who doesn't, dang look at the others go! I'm having a bit more respect for them now 😚

LOOK AT SENSEI GO FINALLY!!! 😍😍 FIGHTING SCENES HECK YES!!!

Kalmaar: I'm your conquerer

Wu: so after skeletons, the serpentine, nindroids, the Stone Army, Chen's army, ghosts, oni, more snakes but on fire and people from a game, that makes you the tenth. Have a free cookie

Kalmaar:...

Wu: you're not special

Is this a little throwback to Possession too? Nya seems to always control better water when she doesn't actually think about it. When her feelings are free, so are her powers 🌊🌊🌊

Also this opens up more possibilities! Creatures connected with other elements might get summoned too! I would love something like that 😍😍

This was NEAT, or maybe I just missed Kai that much ❤ What's next??

PAPERGIRL

ANTONIAAAAAAAA!!!! MY GIRL IS BACK!!! All my girls are back in this season, I'm so happy 😍😍😍 And if she is here, sweet little Nelson has to be around and I cannot wait! Bring in the purple ninja! 💜

Owww Antonia's last day as a papergirl? Nooo why??

She's got a job at the... DAIRY DRAGON??? OMG OMG OMG IT'S THE ICE CREAM PLACE BRAGI TOLD US ABOUT ON TWITTER!!! 🤩🤩🤩 I remember the post, he was asking about names for the place and ice cream flavors. Now I can't wait to see what did he choose 🍦🍦🍦

UNAGAMI BABY HI HONEY!!! 🙋‍♀️ I hope he's doing great 😘😘

This is so cool honestly, Antonia got her own character arc going on! Living in a chaotic city like Ninjago City must be pretty dang exhausting 😅

Was... was that Dareth in the garbage can? Am I wrong? Poor brown ninja 😅🤎😅

SPINJITZU SWIRL, BANANAKHAN, ORANGE SERPENTINE, I'M DYING 😂😂😂

Their friendship is so wholesome, I'm so happy they are still together no matter what happens 💕

I thought Kalmaar wasn't much of a fighter but DANG he's got skills! Also the fact that he uses tentacles makes the fight very cool to watch! 😚😚

RAY RUNNING IN AFTER KAI GOT HURT HECK YES ❤❤❤

Well at least you tried Ray 😅

Ah, little cameo of the original Weekend Whip, always nice to hear it again... AND DO THE WEEKEND WHIP!!! 🌪🌪🌪

EVEN NELSON GOT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I'M SO PROUD 💜

I don't even know what is cooler, the kids being mad lads on their bikes, Kalmaar driving a TRUCK or Kai going full parkour on the buildings to follow them 🤯

I'm sorry... am I the only one that during the Kai and Kalmaar talk kinda thought of Jestro and Clay? I miss my boys from NK, they're even more at odds now 😭😭

KAI YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE OR EVEN TRY TO DIE GET BACK HERE AT ONCE 😱😱

Kalmaar just loves to make everyone feel inferior, gotta be his hobby 😶

Oh good Kai is back

OH NOT GOOD KAI IS NOT BREATHING?!? FLAME BABE I TOLD YOU YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE 😱😱😱

Antonia, Nelson, you guys are now my heroes. You saved my fave, I'll be forever in dept with you ❤❤❤ Am I being overdramatic? Most likely, but Kai is one of the few that didn't almost die or did die in a dramatic situation and he is also my absolute favorite character so that... kinda keeps my sanity in check in this show 🥴

I wonder... does he still not know how to swim? He saved Lloyd in Possession but I wonder if he was only trying to float on the surface... THAT'S TERRIFYING

This episode was so adorable, I love Antonia and Nelson so much 💜💕💜💕 It's nice to see what the other people of Ninjago do while everything goes mad 🤣

Wait hang on my Ninjajan is a little rusty

"Ninjago City. City that never sleeps" well if that ain't the truth 😂

MASTER OF THE SEA

Like Master of the Mountain? Wait are we going back to Shintaro?? VANYA?? ANOTHER BEST GIRL RETURNS??? 💛

Hey hey hey, we got a full Nyad backstory! I really like when they do these little drawn shots, they feel more like legends! And... the ending sounds terrifying? Like, they wouldn't let Nya sacrifice herself and die... again... right? 😱

Bentho: and the world was in balance, until now because of my brother

Lloyd: and the Overlord before of course

Bentho: the what now?

Lloyd: the evil one my grandpa the first Spinjitzu Master fought?

Bentho: YOUR WHAT NOW

Why do I like this offscreen "hiiiyaaa" that sensei Wu does before actually going into the scene? 😂😂

No matter if they come from the underground or the sea, these are all snake-like creature with the same intellect 😅 Kalmaar and Garmadon would have a lot to talk about, sea king dealing with his minions does remind me of Lord Garmadon in season 2 a lot 😂😂

KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER ❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤

OMG Kalmaar is such a brat and petty villain I love him so much 😂😂😂 Yes I didn't even mention his amazing voice!... AH DANG IT 😳😳

*Misako kicks Kalmaar and is actually useful* 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

*Misako gets taken as hostage immediately after* 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

KAI LITERALLY JUST GOT SAVED FROM DROWNING WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO HIM!!!... and Ray and Cole and Wu of course, I care okay 😅

OMG that face 🤣🤣🤣

That some meme material right there

Whoa Vincent that voice just got super up when the Unsinkable showed up, it kinda sounded like Jay's lol

NO NOT BENTHO!!! 😢😢😢

Kai: Nya talks to whales now? (I snorted so hard at this 😂😂)

HECK YES NYA GOT THE AMULET!! 😍😍😍 ... we got, like, four more episodes to go so something needs to happen in between... do I need to be scared? I feel like I need to be scared 😅

Jay starting a fire then blaming Kai?... this is so in character I got chills 😂😂

SHARK BOY IS STAYING TO THE MONASTERY THIS IS SO PRECIOUS!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 I want all the shenanigans and we need to write fanfictions about more shenanigans and AAAAHHHHH 🦈🦈🦈

Bless these two fire idiots

They own my heart ❤🔥❤🔥 Also Vincent, this is supposed to be a fun little gag moment, your amazing voice acting is kinda distracting me 😭😭😭

ANOTHER LEGO HUG

YOU GUYS ARE SPOILING ME OVER HERE HECK YES 💙🌊💙🌊

Maya learned that her daughter is capable of everything, I love that. Nya simply understood that she doesn't have to give up when something gets difficult. She is AMAZING and can do anything she puts her mind into. She simply has to hold on until the end 💪💪💪

Omg Benthomaar playing billiard with the guys I already love this 😍😍

YES IT IS SHINTARO!!! THE UPPLY ARE HERE OMG!!! HI VANYA YOU LOOK AMAZING GIRL MISS YOU I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY!!! 💛💛💛 ... I just really like Master of the Mountain okay 😅

I love how Vanya doesn't even question it. It comes from Cole and he said it needs to be protected? Done and done 👌

Wait what, did something fall?

IS THAT THE FAKE?!?!? WHAT HOW WHEN??? UNCLE POWERS??? OR KALMAAR DID SOMETHING??? SOMEONE??? I'M LEGIT CONFUSED AND EXCITED??? 🤯🤯🤯

Well dang, I didn't see that coming, now what Seabound? What do you have for me?

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