#maybe thats because i know i can escape real life for a bit

[speak-now-girlies-unite]

?

the gifted kid burnout was strong this week.

i hate that phrase, because last year i told my best friend at the time "i think im burnt out." and she looked me dead in the eyes and told me that i was too young, too good, that my life was too easy for me to be going through burnout.

i think that's when i stopped looking up to her.

once i was talking to my "friends" during lunch, and somehow we started talking about crying on command. my day was pretty shitty so when i was the only person who could cry on command i wasn't really surprised, it just felt like crying. i blamed my ability on staring at the lights, and just being good at it, but on girl looked at me. and. she knew.

she wasn't even my best friend. my best friend was right there and she didn't notice. she was talking to someone else. but this girl that i'd had barely a few conversations with, she knew. she could tell. and that almost made me actually cry. i was so tired. so so tired.

this girl's my best friend now, and i tell her everything. i dont know where i would be without her. but this week was another hard week. i feel like im slipping into a depression or something, i don't know. i feel so numb, so tired. my math teacher takes forever to put in grades, so right now alot of my assignments show up as missing, so i'm failing her class. it makes me feel so embarrassed, so ashamed, but also i can't bring myself to care. im so tired. i want to scream. im angry, but im too tired to be angry.

i just want it all to stop. i want it to be over and done with. i want to be 37, living in a blue house with white accents and three adopted kids, and being happy. feeling free. at the same time i want to be 5, singing along to "party in the usa" and arguing with my aunt on pink vs. purple. at the same time i want to be dead, simply not existing. i want to never have existed. i want to not have to feel.

im so tired. but its not like im suicidal or anything. i've thought about killing myself, but it the way anyone would do when your friend nearly ends it all for themself. i wouldn't ever kill myself. ive got too much to live for. my friends would be upset. i would never find a partner. i would never finish writing a book, or influence a life. so im living. but im not happy about it. i just want to go to sleep, but i know that if i do, the morning will come faster, and i'll have to go through the world all over again. and again. and again. and again.

there's no point in delaying the inevitable, but i will anyways, because it makes me feel like i have some sort of control over myself.

one day its going to be over. just a few more years. this school year's almost over. a few more days till the end of the week. a few more months till the end of the year. a few more years till the end of school. will it ever end, truly? senior year seems so far away. and ill dissapoint everyone if i dont go to college. is that another four years? five? six? its so much. i just want to go to sleep. i just want to sleep in, and then crochet myself a top, and then watercolor in the sun. and then sleep. but i cant, and i feel like im dying. i dont want to die. i just want to get out of this cycle. wake up, go to school, go home, cry, go to sleep. wake up. go to school. go home. stress. cry. go to sleep. i cant do this. please, i need some sort of lifeline.

im so tired.

#vent #diary (?) #sorry this is super oversharing #like a lot #but i didnt know where else to put this #tumblrs the only place i really feel comfortable on #exccept for ao3 #maybe thats because i know i can escape real life for a bit #idk #oversharing #mental health #burnout #gifted kid burnout #school #highschool #failing #college #trigger warning #tw #suicide #im not killing myself please dont worry #swearing #probably #attempted suicide #not done by me though #please take care of yourself #dont be like me #not wanting to exist #feeling empty #feeling numb

[ravewing]

Would you have time to explain a little bit about Flame, I don’t remember much from the books, maybe your favourite part about Flame, what makes Flame so much greater and underrated compared to the others?

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS QUESTION SO I CAN RANT ABOUT FLAME HELLO !!!!

OK SO BASICALLY HE WAS RAISED IN THE TALONS OF PEACE, HE WAS THERE BECAUSE HIS MOTHER, AVALANCHE DIDNT WANT HIM TO BE DRAFTED INTO THE WAR AS A CHILD BUT THIS LED TO HIM HAVING TO MOVE AROUND PYRRHIA OFTEN, NEVER HAVING A REAL PLACE HE COULD CALL HOME

HE ALONG WITH THE OTHER FIVE ALTERNATES GREW UP THERE BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW THAT THEY WERE THE 'DRAGONETS' UNTIL THE PROLOGUE OF BOOK THREE WHERE MORROWSEER TOLD THEM BECAUSE HE WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH THE REAL ONES

BOOK FOUR WAS WHERE HE GOT THE MOST SCREEN (BOOK?) TIME, HE WAS INTRODUCED TO STARFLIGHT BY FATESPEAKER AFTER HE MET HIS FATHER; THIS IS WHEN FLAME AND THE OTHER ALTERNATES ARE ORDERED TO KILL HIM, FLAME AND OCHRE ARE FOUND BY NIGHTWING GUARDS AND ARE PLACED IN THE DUNGEON FOR THE NIGHT (THIS IS WHERE HE MET MIDBRINGER AND DEVELOPED AN INTEREST IN BECOMING AN ASSASSIN)

THE NEXT DAY HE AND THE REST OF THE ALTERNATES + STARFLIGHT ARE FORCED TO FLY GOD KNOWS HOW MANY MILES TO A SKYWING GUARD OUTPOST WHERE HE MEETS PROBABLY THE FIRST DRAGONS FROM HIS TRIBE ASIDES FROM THE TALONS, AND JUST AS HE GETS TO KNOW THEM THE NIGHTWINGS BURN THE WHOLE FUCKING PLACE DOWN RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS EYES!! WHAT THE FLIP!!!

THEN HE HAS TO FLY ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE VOLCANO AFTER EXPERIENCING THE MOST TRAUMATIC THING HE HAD EVER SEEN!! IMAGINE BEING LIKE 16 YEARS OLD (I THINK THATS WHAT TUI SAID 6 DRAGON YEARS WAS) AND SEEING SOME OF THE FIRST DRAGONS YOUVE MET OF YOUR TRIBE GET BURNED ALIVE IN FRONT OF YOU WHAT THE FUCK

AND THEN THE NEXT FUCKING DAY MORROWSEER GETS THEM ALL TO FIGHT AND HE GETS HIS FACE FUCKED UP BY VIPERS TAIL AND GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH THAT HURT LIKE?? OW?? AND THEN SHE FALLS INTO THE LAVA AND GUESS WHAT??? SHE GETS FUCKING BURNED ALIVE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!!! ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT HE FUCKING GREW UP WITH JUST!!! WHAT

OH YEAH AND SOMETIME AROUND THIS HE AND OCHRE STEAL THE DREAMVISITOR FROM STARFLIGHT BUT THATS PRETTY MUCH IRRELEVANT

ANYWHO HES IN THE INFIRMARY AND THEN FATESPEAKER AND STARFLIGHT GET HIM TO HELP THEM ESCAPE AND USE HIS NEWLY SCARRED FACE TO DO SO AND ALL THE NIGHTWING GUARDS THEY SHOW HIS SCAR TO GO "EW" "GROSS" "YUCK" LIKE OMFG I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM LIKE??? WHAT

ANYWHO THE RAINWINGS TAKE CARE OF HIM UNTIL THE MIDDLE OF BOOK FIVE WHEN THE REAL DRAGONETS GO TO THE TALONS TO SEND A MESSAGE TO BLISTER I THINK? IDK BUT THERE HE FOLLOWS THEM AND SEES HIS MOM AGAIN AND THEY HUG AND HE CRIES AND ITS REALLY SAD AND EMOTIONAL BECAUSE LIKE IMAGINE EXPERIENCING THE GREATEST TRAUMA YOUVE EVER HAD IN A SPAN OF THREE CONSECUTIVE DAYS AND YOU FINALLY SEE THE ONE PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT YOU ABD YOU JUST. BURST INTO TEARS

ANYWHO THEN HE GETS SENT TO JMA AND THEN THAT FUCKING CAVE GETS BURNT UP IN AN EXPLOSION KILLING ONE OF HIS CLAWMATES AND INJURING THE OTHER LIKE GEE WHIZ THAT CANT BRING BACK ANY BAD MEMORIES!!

AND THEN AT THAT ASSEMBLY WE CAN TELL FROM MOON READING HIS MIND HOW MUCH THOSE FEW DAYS IN BOOK FOUR FUCKED HIM UP LIKE I COULD TALK FOREVER ABOUT HIS THOUGHTS BUT UH YEAH AND HE SENSES MOON READING HIS MIND AND FUCKING KICKS HER OUT I FEEL LIKE NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THAT

AND BASICALLY HE CONTINUES LIVING HIS LIFE AT JMA UNTIL FUCK ASS SHIT FUCK MIDSTALKER SHOWS UP AND HES ALL "OH FLAME IM GONNA HEAL YOUR FACE" AND FLAME IS SKEPTICAL AND DOESNT BELIEVE HIM BECAUSE NOBODY HAS EVER EVER DONE ANYTHING NICE FOR HIM (OH YEAH I FORGOT THIS WAS TOUCHED ON WHEN STARF AND FATESPEAKER WENT TO GET HIM OUT OF THE VOLCANO WHEN THEY SAID THEY WERE GONNA SAVE HIM AND HE WAS LIKE "WHY WOULD YOU SAVE ME?" THAT WAS REALLY SAD TOO) AND THEN DARKSTALKER DOES WITH THAT PURPLE FLOWER BUT ITS ALSO HEAVILY HEAVILY IMPLIED THAT HE ENCHANTED FLAME TO KILL STONEMOVER SO THEN HE COULD SAVE THE DAY AND LOOK GOOD FOR MOON COS HES A FUCKING CREEP

ALSO DURING THIS SCENE WHEN DS HEALS FLAMES FACE TURTLE THINKS TO HIMSELF HOW FLAME LOOKED INFINITELY YOUNGER AND HOW HE FELT BAD FOR JUDGING FLAME FOR HIS 'SCARY LOOKS' OR WHATEVER AND THAT MADE ME REALLT SAD

ANYWHO ANEMONE FINDS FLAME AND IS LIKE "DARKSTALKERR I FOUND HIM HES THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KILL STONEMOVER :3" AND GUESS WHAT FUCK ASS FUCK MIDSTALKER DOES HE TAKES THE DREAMVISITOR BACK FROM HIS BAG AND IS ALL "FLAME YOURE A FUCKING LIAR LOL" (I HATE DARKSTALKER CAN YOU GUYS TELL) AND THEN HE TURNS HIS LIBRARY CARD INTO A FUCKING CAGE AND FUCKING IMPRISONS HIM DOWN THERE WITH STONEMOVER FOR ESSENTIALLY ALL OF BOOK NINE AND TEN LIKE?? HE IS 7 YEARS OLD. THE EQUIVALENT TO 18 HUMAN YEARS HES BARELY AN ADULT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK WHY DID TUI DO THAT TO HIM????

ANYWHO AT THE END OF BOOK TEN HE TAKES THE EARRING FROM QIBLI RELUCTANTLY SO HE CAN GET OUT OF THE CAGE BUT THEN HE HAS HIS SCAR BACK

AND THEN HE GOES TO WORK FOR THE HEALERS IN THE SKY KINGDOM AND UHH YEAH THATS ALL THE CANON FLAME CONTENT FROM WHAT I CAN RECALL !!

UHH MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT HIM IS PROBABLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER, HOW SHES THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT HIM AND HOW HE ONLY EVER FELT VULNERABLE AND SAFE ENOUGH WITH HER TO CRY IN FRONT OF HER

I REALLY LIKE HIS INTERACTIONS WITH THE OTHER ALTERNATES THOUGH!! I LIKE THE IDEA OF HIM AND VIPER BEING FRIENDS AS DRAGONETS

IVE THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT HOW HE BOTTLES UP HIS ANGER AND TAKES IT OUT IN THE FORM OF SELF HATRED BECAUSE HE HAS NO OUTLET, NOBODY TO LEAN ON OR HELP HIM OUT

I THINK ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE IN HOW HE PERCEIVES HIS SCAR AND HOW DRAGONS LIKE QIBLI DO; QIBLI SEES HIS SCAR AS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, WHILE FLAME THINKS THAT HIS SCAR RUINED HIS LIFE AND HATES HIMSELF FOR IT

THERE ISNT ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR THAT MADE ME LIKE HIM MORE THAN OTHER CHARACTERS, I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS COOL WHEN I WAS IN THIRD GRADE AND WHEN I REREAD WOF IN 2020 I STARTED FIXATING ON HIM AND THEN I GOT TIKTOK AND STARTED POSTING ABOUT HIM AND THEN I STARTED SELF PROJECTING AND UHH YEAH HERE WE ARE LOL

ANYWHO I WOULD RANT MORE BUT I NEED TO WORK ON 30 DAYS OF FLAME ART THANK YOU FOR ASKING AND APOLOGIES FOR THE ESSAY

#flame wof #wings of fire #wof #ranting #can you guys guess who my favorite character is #rave rambles

[transmutationisms]

HI really love your thoughts on stuff. do you think succession - as a tv show with a script - makes all of its negative statements negatively or positively? this is something im having trouble with, specially with shiv and the overwhelming misogyny. i understand its quite literally real life. but they know the importance of media as a statement that defines real life - its sort of meta, but the whole thing with whether or not calling mencken, knowing it would affect politics, is something that can reflect on the show itself. i dont think i fully agree with what they do to shiv in the way they portray the misogyny. it feels like a "and thats how it will always be" more than "thats how its been". idk. maybe I just hate misogyny and cant stand to see that. but everything is a statement. what do u think?

well in general i agree that, yeah, the show is more interested in satire and criticism than offering any kind of imaginative solution or alternative. so, if you want to watch something that suggests alternatives to logan-style misogyny (& i'd understand why) then i think you're going to be dissatisfied with this show. like, obviously even with logan gone, his influence still haunts the company and the family, and anyway the broader structures of capitalism and its use / exploitation of women were always much larger than logan alone. all of this also applies to how roman and kendall (& to a lesser extent connor) are punished for failing to live up to standards of masculinity; logan feminised kendall to punish him for business failures and derided roman for what he saw as a more innate femininity that made roman disgusting to him.

i actually think gender is a strong suit for the show. it's very deeply interested in how they each relate to standards of bourgeois masculinity and femininity, and how these strictures are confining and punishing (often literally, as logan used them as tools of his abuse). for shiv she lived up to some of logan's femands for an heir (her emotional repression, flashes of killer instinct) but was ultimately always doomed by the fact that logan saw her as permanently being his little girl, denied a body (bc this was less disgusting to him than thinking of her as a woman) and never the right fit for his corporate mould, even when she was trying her hardest to fit it. roman and kendall ofc pick up on this and the way her gender can be used in itself to lock her out of the upper echelons of power (a walking pair of teats, all the men got together in man club). but ultimately this is a dissection of misogyny and masculinity, not a suggestion for escape.

i have mixed feelings about the sort of ethical argument here. it is fair to say that succession has a fundamentally conservative ethos in the sense that the satire and snark angle is uninterested in offering solutions or imagining alternatives. it's grounded in exploring capitalism, fascism, the resulting gender politics, &c, and to the extent that it challenges these things, it's by portraying them as worthy of mockery. it's not a leftist political treatise. but like, i think there's a can of worms to open here in terms of asking how revolutionary a television show is capable of being simple by virtue of the medium. like, even if the content is radical internally, does is matter that the form is still one embedded in capitalist production, ie, that the show is a commodity on the same market? i identify the root of misogyny within the capitalist mode of production; how far is something made within these parameters capable of going in offering any kind of alternative? and also, do we care? like, am i watching tv because i'm looking for radical politics? again, this doesn't negate the critique of succession's critique. but i do think it's a bit... trite? to ask tv to be some kind of moral guide---particularly on a show where the premise is such that any 'challenge' to misogyny would still be constrained within the bourgeois world the characters inhabit.

#he doesn't even trust water

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hello I wanted to talk to you about something. Would like to hear your opinion on it because I really respect it. So on Twitter Trumanblack was trening lately and I saw people being mad that truman Black came back.

Here's couple of tweets, to show you the perspective:

,He is escaping the reality through this character. Being sincere and open is the way to live life not hiding behing fictional characters. He needs to grow up and realize where his priorities are.

Ofc, we do not know him. His choice, his life.

Or

what the fuck happened matty. I don't understand what you're doing right now. should have left Truman in the trash. I don't get it.

Or

This. It seems he was used to dealing with difficult emotions through avoiding them in stage character (he admitted to this in an interview recently) & he wanted to ditch the character & embrace the emotions/be sincere things maybe got too raw & real so he is back in charakter

I'm sorry this message is so long. I'm just thinking about it all. Do you think 'matty' is gone and he will be acting and all that in the upcoming tour? Cause I wouldnt like it and it won't be good for him too :/

Again sorry this is so long

No, I mean, this is an interesting topic that I think we should 100% get into to "warm up" for the tour. I bet we'll have even more to say once we start getting content from the first new shows in September. (omg not too far away now aaaahhhh), so everyone feel free to chime in, but basically, here is how I think about it ( this is probs gonna be long. apologies in advance. im gonna add a "keep reading" so i dont destroy y'all feeds).

The first thing we need to remember is that Matty's "Truman Black" persona pre-dates the ATVB tour. He's always been "Truman Black." He's always been a jokester, a meme lord, a bit chaotic, a bit sexy, a pastiche or caricature of himself.

The question, then, is why? Why does he do this?

For several reasons. And he's been nothing but honest with us about them.

From as early on as 23 years old, when ST first started blowing up and the boys cultivated a following, Matty became acutely aware of the spotlight and the way that fans idealized and idolized him. Sexually desired him, saw him as this rockstar figure. And it made him uncomfortable because, well, no real human being could live up to such a fantasy, right? That's really what the song "Love Me" is about. He experienced this during album 1 and instantly wrote about it for album 2. like thats how strongly he felt it. He's more eloquent about it than I can ever be, so I'm going to link you to his explanation of "Love Me."

so, as he's pointing out in his explanation, he plays this kinda ridiculous character to "subvert" expectations. right? even in the mv, he has cardboard cut outs of sex symbols and heart throbs like Harry Styles etc. and he takes his shirt off and stands next to them and makes out with them and all that. Usually, the normal rockstar-fan relationship is that we project our fantasy upon the rockstar and the rockstar accepts it obligingly. But Matty's going "well this is really kinda silly, and it makes me feel sooo disconnected from myself if i turn into this person everyone thinks i am, so what am i gonna do? oh I'll just lean into the silliness." so if he can't do the "fake authenticity" of the cliched rockstar, hes gonna do a very authentic fakeness of being loud, and silly goofy funny messy larger than life, etc.

He explains it here (I've cued it up to the right moment in the video). He's right, if you're a stranger and you know nothing about him and you see him behaving in a Truman-black-esque way, you'd think "wow what an arrogant piece of shit this dude is." BUT if you realize that he's like "i KNOW that you all think of me this way. And YOU (the fans) know that I know that you think that way." we become in on the joke.

You know what im gonna say here. Postmodernism. LMAO. No, but for real. Postmodern art naturally has this "meta" habit. It's art that knows itself as art. It's aware that it's not real. Like movies that are constantly referring to themselves as movies. breaking the experience of illusion for you by constantly reminding you that what you are watching has been filmed and edited. it's not real life. Thats what Matty does with the "rockstar persona" constantly reminding you "it's not real. im just a character made up in all our heads. I'm actually a normal human being but my job is kinda fuckin mental."

So, I think those 4 points, from VERRRYYY early in Matty's career are the genesis of Truman Black. Thats what "Truman Black" is based on.

You could ask, well, if Matty has been this way from the very beginning how come it's such a problem now? how come this whole thing is a new issue??

I think its the perfect storm of this year.

The ATVB show was designed to push the blurry lines between Matty Healy/ Truman Black to their very limits cuz they added extra layers of meta-theatricality to an already meta situation haha. He plays himself in the couch scene, and the raw meat scene, but he's also kind of playing a symbolic version of himself that's supposed to apply to a lot of straight men, but then the show is also about the lines between his personal and his public lives.

Then he goes and does the Truman Black rockstar shit in the second half of the show. So, the tour really could've been called "Matty Healy: At His Very Truman Black-esque" and it would have been accurate. Like he took this concept and stretched it to see how far it could take him.

Then of course you have the podcast thing, the taylor swift thing, the twitter cancelation cycles, etc etc etc.

There were so many new eyes on him. and so much out of context (remember, meta-theatricality needs context. needs the audience to be in on the joke. we have to know 'oh hes making fun of himself being a rockstar') cuz if we don't have the context he really comes off as a guy who's in love with himself and his rockstar status haha.

Now that alllll of this background is out of the way, lets discuss the questions that you've brought up.

Is he Matty or is he Truman Black?

I think lots of people didn't notice that when he threw out the lab coat that was labeled "truman black" in the video, he wasn't serious. he instantly starts doing the robot dance, flipping the camera off with his finger, acting disruptive by riding the trolley thingy. All Truman Black behavior: mischief, breaking rules, etc. so it was a "meta" joke. he tossed the character then acted like the character. a contradiction. ironic. Truman Black's never been gone! he and Matty are intertwined necessarily. you can't separate one from the other.

Is he gonna be acting at all in S...ATVB?

Yes. He will. He's working with Brad Troemel whose sense of humor is very close to Matty's and who loves irony and postmodernism.

Does he use Truman Black to "hide from difficult situations" or to "run from his emotions" or whatever that tweet was saying? no. He uses it to deliver social critique. About masculinity being ridiculous, about our relationship to artists and the fantasy of perfection in Rockstar cliches, about performative wokeness.

Those are the very same beliefs that Matty Healy believes in. hes always criticizing these things in interviews and speeches and stuff. So, no, hes not hiding behind the character to disassociate he IS the same guy, just a slightly less dramatized and exaggerated version.Thats why he doesn't completely turn it on or off at any time. Thats why it's not that he was willing to stop it for a relationship and then start it again when it didn't work out. Thats not how Matty operates at allll.

He didn't throw out his belief that performative wokeness is harmful and stupid, he didn't throw out his belief that leftist masculinity is confusing, he didn't change who he is at his very core just to be mr nice guy, or to be sincere, or to get his dick sucked off by Taylor Swift, or whatever these people think is the reason. He's always been this way; he very likely will always be this way. Thats just how he makes art and how he thinks about the world.

He's always BEEN open to embracing emotions and being sincere. "I love you, don't you mind?" "we're only human we're just like you man" "I'll quote on the road like a twat," "im petrified of being alone, its pathetic," "im just pissed off because you pied me off after your show," "you pick a fight and i'll define it" "i said its cool i was messing but its true," "pretend that i know what it is (i wasn't listening)" "sorry that I quite like seeing myself on the news. im sorry that im someone that i wish i could change, but ive always been the same."

would an emotionally stunted anti-sincerity guy write ANY OF THESE LYRICS? idk, you tell me.

#matty healy #truman black

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

This might sound a bit dumb, but I have an AU idea where Pepper Mint somehow manages to retain control of his Pepperminteppi form & escape with Cadebra. Cadebra: "So my friend is now an immortal Primordial being that can use massive amounts of black magic. Nice." The Cult has to deal with their God not wanting anything to them (& also being in Wizard Jail for, y'know, murdering children).

OK HIIIIIIIIIIIIII

absolute delight and excitement and beige comics under the cut let's go insane

first off this is such a fun idea but i kept getting stuck because how did they get out if he didnt get at least a little violent? they were in a Situation. thats why he started blasting in the first place in the movie! he kills everyone holding cadebra and then kills everyone else who is looking at the two of them funny, and he tells her to get out before he starts hurting her too. but anyways i digress. au! my polite little boy uou (transcipts in image descs to save on space. i realize i should be doing this in the first place to be more accessible but i dont do it. ay. someday ill get over that brain hurdle)

the profs are so. blank eyed about being Stopped. that’s their GOD. they want him to do the prophesied deeds! but he’s not. “aren’t you our god now” no I’m just that kid but I have this primordial god deity chilling giving me horrible advice now in my head. awful. thanks. i just learned real fast real hard how to love and trust myself

and then also i was like. well like. w. what is everyone gonna say. not nice things. thats a scary insect boy (WHY HE INSECT? IVE NEVER DRAWN PEPPERMINTEPPI PROPERLY BEFORE AND ITS KILLING ME WHY IS HE A BEETLLEEEEE).

and also also. also. ???? drinking the ichor SUCCESSFULLY, is quite literally what og peps just,, keeps saying will Recreate Him, OG Peps, so i guess he did that (?? HELLO) or something similar when he was little but as you can tell he did not uh. keep the scary beetle body. maybe he didnt have a bestie to protect

anyways. so. pep likes being big. :)

also have this

poor pep trying to mediate between the gay idiot he used to be in his head (not the gay idiot he still is) and the giant scary monster from the before-nothingtimes he just willingly added to the vr chat

and his poor fuckin teachers

(ron james is too old and anxious for this shit and life giving magus has a thing about not letting people feel sad :( hes an Emotions Wizard being sad makes him do Evil Magic did you watch the episode Little Dude? gotta keep his students feeling loved and safe or else. especially when they’re um. imbued with massive amounts of dark magic. sorry I like the them)

i also have this from discord

I don’t know how to end this post this au is fun. none of the kids and few of the adults know the significance of this guy. pep is like hnnnnn just wanna be a normal kid but also scarypowerfulbig. enough. to protect. blaines over here like we are not letting him in the school like that are we and weaponhead is like well. the important thing is we aren’t letting the murderers back in. Blaine.

Maybe larry (cousin got fucking murdered by the teachers) and pep (reached level 100,000 just by drinking juice and now kinda scares everyone) drop out together. just chill quiet together. what do wizards even DOOOOOO, get COFFEE??? make up entirely new schools of magic kinda like those jerky secret societies but less jerky (ron James s6e13 “thanks for the crabapples giussepe”)????? just sit around and wait for Blaine (RULES GUY) and Deb (needs structure in her life and thinks school is fun) to get out of class so they can go do things?

also also I was gonna be Sad tm that you said pep was immortal now, but I insist on believing that wizards have long lifespans. so it’s not like Deb and blaine and larry just fucking DIE ten seconds into pep’s infinite life. they’re there. for a while. (:

#i turned into a swirling vortex of delight and wizards over this #adventure time #distant lands #au #asks #traditional #zoomerinaboomercostume #I don’t wanna tag everyone wehhhh #i do need to draw the evil teachers 🔘_🔘 I just love rj and life giving magus so much #brb making Ron James Drinking into my avatar #what do we call him. pepi 🥺

[grox]

Honestly I cleaned all the shit up off my floor and I am palpably less suicidal so whatever. Literally big whoop. Its fucked up that we will all go crazy with age and that we are run by the crazy because nobody can escape it. That the insanity pervades every inch of life, human animal and plant. Like let's be real, we're literally all on a timer. For just, world shattering grief. And once you realize it, you feel like you're living thousands at once. Every little moment in time where you still have most your loved ones, most your friends, your family, a pet, a neighbor, every single micro instance you are getting closer to losing them. So you go crazy. You feel like youre losing everything pre-emptively. A little bit of a test drive. Of course you'll never truly know how it feels until it happens. We are all damned to this, everything that creates life may do so then die. Or not, who gives a shit. & I feel like I'm the only person I know whos been this deeply rocked by this news. Like. Uhm, why is nobody talking about this. This is something that forces its way to the front of my mind every chance it gets. I miss when I was free from it. I literally want it to stop so bad I've considered killing myself so I can stop thinking about it. But thats an idiotic move. I hate grief. I dont want to make more of it. Not to my friends, not to my mommy. I wish I could just grab a stranger off the street and give them whatever the fuck I got in my head so it leaves me alone. Maybe slip it in their pocket like a stone. I feel fucking insane the way I genuinely feel like I can't enjoy anything because I know it too will die. Like isnt it a bit fucked. And this knowlege, the fact that everything is temporary is supposed to like, increase the value of the like, literal miracle of life and shit. And believe me, it does. Now that I've repaired my relationship to my mother I realize now how fragile her life is. I take her to dinner more often, buy her flowers more often, help her more, hang out with her more. I am creating memories for myself, and for her. I just want her to be happy. I know for a fact that if I killed myself she would follow. I love her so fucking much. I don't want her to suffer any more than I've already made her. Lets be frank, I fucking suck. For so much of my life I felt like I was put on this earth just to curse her. She went through hell to have me, and I fucking hated her. For no reason. I grew up thinking she would kill me, I made her cry and shit. And we're cool now. I want her last years to be happy. But after that? What then? She had to deal with her mothers death. But she's like 50. What of me? When I lose her young? I could kill myself after she dies, and I will really really really want to, but that's literlly stupid. Its stupid. What animal in nature kills itself because mommy died. We just, we all have to deal with it eventually, we all have to move on. If anything I could shit out a kid in my late 20s so it can also go through with what every single thing on earth from the first fucking sunbeam to touch the dead rocks had to deal with. The kid can go crazy just like me. Like literally every conscious thing & it literally doesnt matter. I can't tell this shit to a therapist cause I'm afraid she'll hit the silent alarm on me and they'll make the ending of i have no mouth and I must scream happen to me

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Hello! A while ago you wrote a few short fics of a good omens android au where crowley had escaped servitude and aziraphale fixed him up. I really loved that one, but I havent seen you write it in a long time, so if youd rather not continue thats fine too! But would you mind writing a little more of that au with maybe 12, 13, 17, and 20 from the prompt list?

Normally, I try not to take more than two prompts in one request, but because these four are very similar, I can make this work.

nervous embarrassment around them (blushing, fidgeting etc)

complimenting their appearance

noticing their individual quirks

clumsy attempts at flirting

Warning: Crowley is an android known as AJ0440 before choosing the name Crowley for himself, Aziraphale is a cyborg and technically goes by the name Ezra at this time (he doesn't really let people know his real name. This is still early in their friendship and Crowley is crushing hard at this point.)

On with the fic!

--

Despite how much AJ0440 enjoyed having freewill, such a very rare and nearly impossible thing for androids like himself, it was also a right pain in the neck for him.

Having freewill meant that he had emotions, he probably didn't need to have them, but he sure adapted to them being part of his everyday life. Especially since his escape and his rescue by Ezra. And said human was really making him learn more about these new things for him.

He wasn't stupid, he could research anything within the network he was connected to in order to get answers, but archives didn't really explain things to him so easily when it came to increased spinning of his fans, or how his LEDs flashed and glowed for far longer than they needed to whenever Ezra said something nice to him, or looked at him in certain ways.

Or when Ezra was just, well, doing anything. AJ0440 caught himself watching Ezra the other day as he went about the bookshop, restocking his books. He never kept them in a specific order that made them easy for any 'customers' to find, AJ0440 had picked up quickly that this way only Ezra knew where his books were, and like hell he'd ever let a customer know where they were!

He had watched the cyborg as he sorted them by year of publication along with the city where they were published. He watched as Ezra would mutter to himself as he read his books to figure out where to sort them, or how he hummed along with the music he put on, sometimes even gesturing as if he were conducting the music himself.

AJ0440 stopped watching when he felt his chest cavity get too hot and had to leave the room.

This happened far to often and so he consulted his files, the archives, anything to try and figure out why it was that made him like this.

Apparently, these emotions were related to attraction, infatuation, joy, admiration, pride, excitement, and... well...

Love.

Love was not a concept that he was used to, he didn't love anyone, until Ezra, he didn't even like anyone. But all signs pointed that this might be what was happening.

AJ0440 had to dig deeper, and that meant looking into the human concepts of love and romance, since he discovered that platonic was close but not quite, and it wasn't any form of familial love. So, he watched movies as he went about his day, playing in his systems as he helped around the shop.

He learned that romance was, in a lot of human media, rather the same sort of thing. Romantic comedies were terrible, communication was necessary, and romantic dramas made him upset. Also, there were quite a lot more heteronormal romantic relationships than anything else and that was... confusing.

But he did pick up on quite a number of things in these films, and even some books he flipped through.

Humans liked compliments, and they liked them to be a bit flirtatious.

AJ0440 wasn't sure how to go about doing that.

Still, he was going to try.

He found Ezra bent over his work table in his robotics lab, trying to pick up something off the floor. AJ0440 stared at him, let out what sounded rather like a very fake cough (probably because he had no need to do such an action), and stumbled horribly through his attempt at flirting.

"H-has anyone ever told you that your backside is, uh, quite scrumptious?"

Ezra sat up quickly and turned to look at him, confused. "Excuse me?"

"I... I mean, I've heard that when someone's posterior looks quite soft and large like yours, it's like cake! A-and humans like that...!"

The man just stared at him, raising an eyebrow. "AJ, are you trying to tell me you like my arse?"

AJ0440 heard his eyes click as he blinked. "... No. I am simply making an observation."

There was a knowing smile on Ezra's lips as he turned back to his repair job. "Alright, whatever you say, dear."

The android turned quickly and left the room, he swore that Ezra was sitting in a way to make his backside stick out a bit more. The laughter that followed his departure was not helping one bit, bookshop was suddenly being bathed in way too much pink light from the quickly retreating android.

--

Crowley spoke a bit more... eloquent in his early days with Aziraphale, before he quickly adapted to the more typical way Crowley talks when he learned he didn't have to do that.

It also makes his attempts at flirting hilarious because he sounds too proper.

#good omens #do androids dream of cyborg angels au #ineffable husbands #crowley #anthony j crowley #aziraphale #john's drabbles

[pa-rou]

(same anon from before, hi how ya doing?) Listen this entire au is so nice because it's kinda slice of lifey and sure there's still the real danger of Hotguy's daily life off the page (and Cuteguy maybe). (Also let's remember the whole mess in the Incredibles and not recognizing danger) But it's such an outlet for Mumbo considering his job, as well as being able to at least pretend and write out/off his crush for Hotguy. There's just something wonderful and kinda satisfying about it.

Funny enough my usual schtick is hurt and comfort. There's no way at some point Mumbo doesn't write a chapter on Limbo Jimbo awkwardly trying to work through the kinks of working with a superhero and his day job. And having an injured Hotguy where there's a ton of intimacy and trust in the scene because man. Letting someone help patch you up? Letting yourself be vulnerable in someone else's presence? (Chef's kiss) Perfect material.

Also guarantee Scar has tried to use a few fanfiction lines as Hotguy to Mumbo but Grian keeps ruining it.

(hi!!! hello!!!! i'm very very good and hope you're doing fantastic as well :DD)

It's amazing to hear that you enjoy this silly au :DD I'd be lying if i said i didnt put a healthy bit of projection into it, especially back when i made it those couple months ago. I did highlight the monotony of Mumbo's day to day and how frustrating and exhausting it can all be, but even at the end of the worst day there's always your favorite fictional guy to look forward to (or, in Mumbo's case, a very real guy, who you're also unaware of already being friends with cksnj). For Mumbo that fantasy of being with a superhero is as much of an escape from reality as it is something within his reach (tho he doesn't know that yet). I also like to keep it lighthearted and humorous cuz, yeah, Mumbo may be a bit miserable, but there's something absurd about it all, and there's humor to be found even in the most mundane parts of life :))

It's technically a superhero au, and yet thats not whats really important about it at all (at least not until Mumbo and Hotguy meet) Like you said, everything Hotguy does is off the page, and it's all very slice of life-esque skdjkc

and YEAH.... you better believe he's writing Limbo Jimbo x Hotguy hurt/comfort about the struggles of superhero life and patching up wounds!!! I'd imagine that's a go-to scenario for him to daydream about sknzkxj

and.....scar WOULD. 100000% he would try to (badly) flirt with Mumbo using his own knowledge of the guy against him. He would still fumble so bad but it would make Mumbo explode anyway kxjks

#parou answers #office worker mumbo au

[dreamsy990]

so ur in the dbh fandom so whats ur take on the alice being an android twist

OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SIGNED UP FOR

OKOKOKOKOKOK SO I HATE THAT FUCKING THING

*inhale*

the twist adds NOTHING to the game. in fact it NEGATES from the game.

the whole point of kara and alice's story was for it to show that even android/human families can still love each other just as much as any humans would.

now HOW does alice being an android add ANYTHING to that??????????????

SPOILER ALERT, IT DOESNT.

alice being an android TAKES AWAY from the whole. loving them even if their blood isnt the same or whatever IDEA IT WAS GOING FOR. its a twist FOR THE SAKE OF A TWIST

its also just. really predictable. i remember guessing it immediately and wondering if theyd do something with it. they did not.

the only thing that is even AFFECTED by this twist is the whole uh. if you fuck up kara while escaping jericho theres a bit where you can get brought to an android camp with alice???????? thats the ONLY THING affected by this twist.

the game wouldve been better if she just. was not an android

the only other thing i can think of that might actually be changed if alice was human would be todds story/trying to get him not to expose kara at the border bus thing. and to that i say. JUST GIVE HIM CUSTODY OF THE REAL ALICE. heres uhh how i think the story shouldve played out instead to give it roughly the same ending:

alice had a relatively happy home life, until her mom walked out to go be with some fucking accountant or whatever. in the divorce, todd managed to get custody of her. todd diludes himself into thinking alice WANTED to be with her mom (whether or not its true is unclear) and takes out all his anger on her.

there you go rough idea that gives the same result. all you have to do is change alices line in on the run from "why didnt he ever love me?" to "why didn't he love me anymore?" and THERE YOU FUCKING GO

it would also make alice's being cold less annoying in retrospect because. shes genuinely cold shes a child she complains she has problems like that. androids dont feel cold and you can literally turn off her temperature sensitivity at the end.

i always found that moment just. so stupid when its revealed. like all you had to do was nothing. like instead of revealing alice is an android maybe luther wants to say that... idk alice is having nightmares and is traumatized and needs some support because shes in the middle of a war running away from home and has witnessed multiple deaths like. shes fucking traumatized. and have the moment be just kara comforting her and promising that once they cross the border it'll all be over and she'll be safe and she wont have to worry about getting hurt anymore.

as for the camp, i honestly dont know since i havent played through it yet. but i dont see how we couldn't, i dunno, have alice being kept somewhere so she can be taken to find her parents so theres a time limit and kara needs to find her before shes gone or she cant escape with her???????????? idfk i havent seen that section of the game yet. im probably gonna play it later tbh

but like. these are small changes that get rid of whats supposed to be a big twist. if your "big twist" can be removed with minimal changes, and it actively goes against the themes of what youre making, then its a bad fucking twist.

thanks for coming to my ted talk

#ask #ask response #detroit become human #dbh #alice dbh #kara dbh #alice being an android was stupid #and bad #and i hate it #rant #i ramble #rext #textpost #text post #just realized i accidentally tagged this as rext lmao #text

[randomkposts]

Usually I post something UD around Canadian Elections, which sometimes is around Canadian Thanksgiving. It being October again had me think of it.

I have written down varied notes in places for a possible Josh Time Loop fic. These are some of the ones I had in google docs.

Putting them here in hopes that reading them again might spark something down the line. Or maybe it will inspire someone else to write it.

Personally, I think the hardest people to write a time loop fic for, are Mike, Sam, and Josh. Josh for being a plot setter, Mike for being the most in the loop and active, and Sam for being mostly out of the monster clueline until the end, which is why she needed the obvious hints of the grave and diary to connext it to Hannah. Which could be intresting, except she has the most plot armor. So its hard to find a good place to loop... Although Josh messing up and ODing her has possiblities, it is also very bad for their relationship.

I have written a mike TT, which was short, and seen a good one by someone else. Actually, I mention a UD TT fics in my Emily TT for every chapter she dies in but the first.

I'll post links at the bottom. In the meantime, on to Josh!

---

Josh on a time loop, and other UD theory stuff

saw a theory, that makes sense to me. The theory was that players couldn't save Josh, not directly because of karma from the prank or anything, but because he killed animals on the mountain. The pigs that he used in the prank. Most instances of Characters messing with nature on the mountain lead to nature retaliating. Jessica accidentally hits and kills a bird in a snowball fight, and almost has to dodge icicles not long after. Matt is loud and angry around a herd of moose, and can get kicked off a cliff. There are some exceptions, such as Chris shooting the squirrel and sam getting attacked, but overall it seems to follow that pattern. Josh killed several pigs to get the ingredients for his prank, and nature retaliated.

The prank can be reworked to avoid killing any pigs, just take out faking his death, And leaving a pigs head for Matt and Emily to find. The bit with the guns could still work. Sam's bath takes somewhere between 2-3 hours, If I have my math right. I'd also probably swap victims, and send Emily and Matt to the cabin (Emily is the likeliest one to call the police), Have Jess and Mike be the main targets of the prank (Jess is now a believer of ghosts, for story), and lock Chris and Ashley in a room escape room style (sure they may get claustrophobia, but thats way less traumatic then cannon). Nothing happened to Matt and Emily (they were faster then Mike and Jess), but thats what part two is for, I guess. Don't know what it would be though.

Matt surviving could make things more wild, as a Matt who didn't encounter wendigo's before meeting Jess, can warn her about the Psycho. Who he heard about, but never saw. So picture Matt and Jess escaping the mines together, and concluding everything happened because of the psycho. They describe Wendigo's to the police, because they never saw the psycho in person, and everyone who did and all other evidence is gone in the blaze.

In seriousness, I would like to write about Jess post game, but I would probably focus on recovering from the Coma, and the associated brain damage. Because real life, being unconscious that long would give her all sorts of brain damage. The longer the coma, the poorer chance of recovery, so after several hours, she was lucky to wake up at all, let alone be coordinated enough to escape, especially when paired with her physical injuries. So, I want to play that more realistic. I might have Matt and Emily survive, too, so she has a support network, and other people to the the story. Particularly interesting if Matt and Emily are at odds after the radio tower, but keeping their friendship with her.

I like Josh too. I saw a theory, that maybe sense to me for why you could not save him. It has nothing to do with his actions twords other people, and instead has to do with his actions twords nature. Nature punishes the protagonists for acting against it. Such as when Jess accidently kills a bird with a snowball, and almost dies to Icicles. Josh, to get the ingredients for his prank, killed several pigs. The only one who isn't directly impacted by that one is Chris, who killed nature, and Sam got hurt for it. 

I like to think about theories. And I realise I forgot the biggest example of Matt acting agressively around the hoard of moose, and being kicked off a cliff (if the player failed the QTE's). The one possible death that had nothing to do with monster's. I didn't do any of that on my first playthrough, but on chapter select I tried out some stuff, on the way to my, 'everybody dies 'run. Except Wolfie, who I went out of the way to save.

Now, takeing out any animal death from Josh's prank, mostly means avoiding fakeing his death, and not hideing Emily's bag to have them encounter a pigs head. That we see, anyway. The monsters derailed anything else we might have seen of it. So we can still have ghosts, and fake killer, and shoot yourself, or your girl scenario. Except either the gun is unloaded, or Josh is past the point of careing if the blanks kill someone, so someone gets seriously injured as a result. Josh should know that blanks can kill. Now let's swap targets. Give Emily and Matt the key to the cottage after the fight, beacuse Emily is the one canoncially smart enough to call for help, and should be saved for later. Emily and Matt get to the cabin fine, beacuse they are nither looking for the bag, nor pranking eachother, and are unlikley to be kidnapped as Jess was. I think they would stay away from the door. Lock Ashley and in Chris in a room to either work out their feelings or bond over the development of claustrophobia. Their adventures will be like escape room. Sam, will be out of the picture, as her bath took somewhere between 2-3 hours if I am doing my math right. Focus the prank around Jessica and Mike. We will give Jessica some belif in the supernatural for this to work, as Cannon doesn't let us play her enough to say that she doesn't believe. Other nuances would be changed due to different intended victims, an I'm sure there would be more to the prank, but I can't say I would know what else to add, as I am not much one for pranking.

I think, that Hannah was in there, somewhat, enough to know her old friends, and have feelings on how she killed them, but it wasn't enough to save them long term. The three people who she felt strongest about, were the ones who lasted the longest. I am unsure what it meant about her feelings on Josh when she crushed his head, as she seems to collect heads (like Beth's) , as a sign that she had some care for them. Emily's head is not collected if she isn't killed by Mike, which may indicate she didn't intend to save it. I don't know if Mike and Sam's stomachs being hit, and a slow death was an indication of care, so much as it was an indication Hannah lost the battle against restraint to not kill them.

I agree he probably would have lived if he weren't worried about Chris. I do think that Hannah's different hunting style was a factor in his death, as Hannah kills differently from the other monsters, as seen by the strangers poor dead wolf in the Sanitoriom. Hannah goes for a direct kill, rather then the miner monsters. I'm not sure if it is beacuse her body is newer and stronger, of if it is beacuse she has an old monsters soul in her. Maybe it's a mix of both.

--

Fanfic time

Mike above

Emily below

#until dawn josh #until dawn emily #until dawn sam #until dawn chris #until dawn #random k #until dawn ashley #plot bunnies #time loop #time travel #hannah washington #chris hartley #josh washington #mike munroe #sam giddings #beth washington #until dawn jessica #jessica riley #emily davis #until dawn matt #matt taylor #a conversation with my friend #ashley brown

[lunatic-fandom-space]

I wanted to talk about this small thing I noticed about Ciel (in the manga) and its about the spider thread motiv metaphor thingy

Ive had some trouble really putting this into words, so I'll just describe the moment I noticed this. When I was reading the manga for the first time and I got to the point in the Green Witch arc where Ciel holds a gun to Sieglindes head and tells her that she can chose if she wants to get shot and not deal with the difficult realities of the 'outside world' or if she wants to live, I thought "oh. Huh. this is a lot like the moment where Ciel made his contract with Sebastian"

And then afterwards I thought a bit more about it and how Ciel is effectively presenting other people with this 'spider's thread', this opportunity to escape and heal from trauma and stuff in their past, in the same way he was. And yeah, there are obviously ulterior motives I dont think Ciel is doing that out of the kindness of his heart and I think he's very selfish and doing it for selfish reasons, but he's still doing it yknow. Idk I just think its interesting to compare Ciel and Sebastian like that and how this contract has probably really affected the way he thinks about life and second chances and whatnot

This isnt really related bc its about season 2 and I wanna do my best to keep the anime and manga as like, seperate timelines, but I honestly feel that Ciel would genuinely be quite happy as a demon (atleast for a while until Immortality Fatique sets in or qhatever we wanna call that). I know that people have a lot of different opinions on season 2 and the ending in particular and I dont really know how I feel about it either tbh, but I do think Ciel becoming a demon makes sense just from a standpoint of like, his characterization. At least, in the manga. See this where we get into differences between the manga and the anime, because in the anime they got rid of most of that and pretty much all that remains is Ciels monologue to Soma and that whole chracter arc and thats it. And I do think thats a shame and a huge missed opportunity, especially considering season 2 has all the spider symbolism with Claude and Alois and you could really do some interesting stuff there

But anyway, back to the manga. I feel like the way they're going to expand on this theme/motiv after the introduction of the other Ciel is by making a point about like, actually dealing with trauma vs living in ignorance yknow what I mean. Because the way our Ciel describes it is like, he was offered this thread but then he had to choose to grasp it and also pull himself upwards again with his own strength, whereas with the real Ciel its more like someone caught him with a net and pulled him out of his terrible situation with the real Ciel not being granted a choice or agency in the matter. And like, the real Ciel doesnt really react to anything its like his traumatic experience had no effect on his whatsoever and he truly is more like a doll than a real human being who needs to deal with his past

Also, if we wanna talk about agency regarding the two Ciels we can also talk about the chess metaphors. Our Ciel will often posit himself as both the chess player, someone who is in complete control of his pieces but otherwise removed from them, and as the king, who is not only a piece on the board like everyone else but who is in need of constant protection from everyone while also having the power to end the entire game. Its an intersting dichotomy and I think you could do some intersting stuff with that if you tried to deconstruct that a little. Our Ciel could say that hes the player while the real Ciel is just a piece on the board without agency but then maybe you could make a point about our Ciel was living as someone else for three years and most of his decisions were informed by that so its almost like he had no agency either. Idk just some stuff I was thinking about

#kuroshitsuji #ciel phantomhive

[dabislittlemouse]

Let's get into it then. I'll try to tread carefully. Let me know if im overstepping boundaries. Lately I've noticed that I get way too involved with the lives of fictional ppl. I mean we all do to some degree, right? That's why we're here on your blog, cuz we love Dabi but I'm wondering if it's unhealthy. I don't have many ppl in the real world that I'm particularly close with so I suppose I use fictional characters to fill a space inside me im missing. When I watch a show or read a book where the characters are going through it it literally effects me like im watching my own loved ones struggling. It effects my mood, triggers my depression. Somedays it feels like i don't even want to get out of bed. I don't want to face the real world. I struggle with crippling anxiety so bad that I cant handle when ppl brush my shoulder or stand too close behind me. My skin crawls and bones feel like their shifting beneath my skin. I've always been bad at handling social interactions, I think that's why I cling onto fictional characters. I can love them from afar. I can put my whole heart and soul into loving them but not worry about the social aspects that I struggle with. I cant talk to them, I can't touch them. This person will never hurt me, their not real.

(Sorry if this is too much. Just wanted to talk, not make you uncomfortable.)

-🐺

I get what you mean, I used to be like you too until life forced me to go out there, get a job, and in a way or another meet people and have social interactions.

It’s not a bad thing to seek comfort on fictional characters, I encourage it because its better than to be hurt by someone in real life. And we love them as if they were real, and our feelings are valid, thats why we get upset when something happens to these characters, because it’s not that we just like them, we literally love them. Not everyone puts their whole heart and soul in a fictional character like we do, and that is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because we have a source of happiness no matter what happens, our fictional hubby is there for us. And a curse, because we completely escape reality and one day life will throw us out there and we won’t know what to do.

But it is best to think it that way, if something bad happens to that character which will affect your mood since you’re deeply attached to him, then you just remember that he is not real. None of it is real. Which means, you can also create your own reality with this character, something different from canon. If this character dies for example (well thats a hard one to get over it), i think its best to create your own world with a different ending, maybe write a fanfic, or draw something, or just discuss it with someone. After all, just because its creator said “this character dead”, doesn’t mean you can’t create your own fantasies where he survived. Because it’s in fact unhealthy to get heavily affected by a character’s tragic story, I’ve experienced it too with Dabi, literally crying whenever something bad happened to him.

I’m a maladaptive daydreamer and I tell you, I used to constantly daydream just to not face reality lmao. And I still do. But I noticed that just like you, I didn’t even want to wake up in the morning in the following day. Didn’t want to do anything and my mental health was worsening because I was used to staying in my own world, in my comfort zone with my fictional hubby, that made it so hard for me to actually go out in real life.

But in a way or another I got over it, now I can both manage real life and my daydreaming, I don’t let it consume me because if I do it again I just know it will ruin my life. It sucks to be an adult, but its part of life now, I’m not a teenager anymore and I gotta go out in the real world and learn how to survive.

Though your case seems a bit more harder than mine, because anxiety wouldn’t be this severe on me. I highly suggest you see a therapist that might help you to overcome all of this, because anxiety is a real bitch.

You don’t have to force yourself for any social interaction, people drain you out sometimes, and I’d rather stay alone than be constantly social with people. I just get tired quickly and I’d rather just talk with one good friend that I’m close with. Do you have internet friends? Maybe you can start by making internet friends, before you go out there and make irl friends which can be more intimidating since you gotta see them in real life etc etc. I don’t have many people irl close to me either, just one friend.

I don’t know how valid my response is but this is my perspective on it. My therapist said that this will all pass one day when I told her the same thing, that I don’t have to force myself to stop thinking for this character just because it’s unhealthy. It will all go away that’s what she said (well not on my watch I’m not letting Dabi go)

#B’s inbox🦋 #🐺anon

[adarkermiserablecrow]

I finally watched 6x11, 'In another life' and boy did some writer put their whole pussy into this one.

And I have Thoughts about this which I am gonna share with the class, because I have been crying/yelling at my tv/hysterically laughing for 45 minutes now, and if my neighbours are going to hate me, the least I can do is hop on here and be annoying.

It got really long and ramble-y so I'll put it under a cut.

1. Coma Buckley family: I think it's really interesting that, in the beginning, it's implied that the buckley parents dote on evan to daniel's detriment (''oh i didnt know you remembered he had a brother") but not neglecting him like they neglected Buck irl. Daniel seems well-adjusted, implied to be a caring doctor ("maybe you should listen to your patients") but also a bit aloof, oblivious (not noticing anything weird about doug - a bit more on that later). It does seem like a picture perfect family, on its surface, with bickering siblings and family dinners, but it sets up a very important theme that runs throughout the episode: this dream life, buck being a teacher and on good terms with his parents and having his brother be alive, comes at the expense of his ability to help. First and foremost, his ability to help his sister escape, offer safe haven, because in this reality he never left PA. And later on in the episode, people insist that he has the ability to fix anything in the coma, but that was disproved at the very beginning when he tried to help maddie and failed, and failed to get daniel to help. From the get go, we see that even in here, not everything is fixable, and we're told this later on as well, when bobby says 'you cant bring me back to life in this dream'. The point here is that at the beginning we're dealing with buck who wants the happy family he never knew as a child, the neglected kid who wishes his parents would be the kind of people that they were in the dream, happy and involved in his life. But at the end, having been through the rest of the dream, it's his parents in their new shiny caring version that try to hold him back, it's his parents dragging him down. But, this is his subconscious, so in reality, it's that wish of having a happy family and the resentment towars his parents that is dragging him down, and he recognises that, and he forgives them, because thats the only way he can move on, return to life. Many people complain about the parents' redemption, and maybe ill change my mind when i watch the rest of the season, but I dont think it was a redemption for them. It was all on buck, he forgave them, he chose to move past it, and let them into his life. In the end, back in the real world, his parents still don't really listen to him, when he says his apartment is fine, he does not need a couch. Buck tells maddie he doesn't mind them. That doesnt mean they're meant to have changed, Buck is the one who changed. And, the choice to go hard on the father/son dynamic with bobby, and buck telling daniel his family is different out there, adds a layer: he doesn't really view them as his parents anymore. He doesn't get hung up on it now, but he lets go of the idea that they would ever be the doting family he needed as a child, and recognises that he found that family elsewhere. He accepts them as people in his life, and rejects them as parents. It ties into Chimney's storyline with his own father, how Chim and Buck both move toward forgiveness, and it also ties back to the sperm donor storyline and the argument between chim and buck's fathers. The point of the buckleys' 'redemption' is that buck forgives, even if he does not forget.

2. Buck's other fixes: it has been established that this all happens in buck's subconscious. The way he slowly realises the impact his life has had on others is just... The starting point is maddie and yeah I said that already, but then he finds chim and hen pretty much the same, and he assumes the only person he's ever helped is maddie. But then he finds out about bobby and eddie, and it occurs to him for the first time ever that he helped them too, got them out of a tough spot. It's not a sure thing that things would have turned out that way in buck's absence, but the point here is for him to realise that he helped, he was needed. It's particularly strong with Bobby, who appears like a little psychopathic gremlin in the dream, drinking here and there and guzzling down pills, and essentially tells buck that, in the dream, he can fix almost anything. And it all snowballs into buck realising he helped bobby, essentially by annoying him. And it's so important that at the end of the 'i made you mad and i made you laugh sometimes' speech, bobby calls that 'being buck', because it's essentially saying that buck helped bobby just by being himself. Again, this is the way buck's mind conjures it up, but it's no less important that he comes to the conclusion that being himself was enough. That he doesn't need to be someone else to help the people he loves (and to me that sentiment calls back to s4, him climbing that crane to protect everyone, and bobby saying that's who he is - not a compliment).

3. Eddie. This part may be the buddie shipper in me getting high on copium, but I think eddie's absolute absence from the dream was connected to him never stepping foot in buck's room irl, except to bring in chris. I mean, in the coma buck was with chim, irl chim is by his bedside. Coma, he's talking with bobby, irl bobby has busted out the rosary beads. It wasnt a hard rule as far as I can tell, though we know buck had some awareness of the room and the goings on, he could hear them (thats why i think the copium might play a part in this paragraph). But also, it feels so important that the people who tell buck explicitly to come back and get better are essentially proxys. Athena on behalf of bobby and Chris on behalf of eddie. And, in the coma, Eddie does not physically appear, but he is the first flash of irl buck remembers (not chim, but eddie's 'go get em') and also, of course, the last 'fix' of buck's, bringing the total of people he helped in a big way to three: maddie, bobby, and eddie. Doesnt really tell us anything about buddie, but it does reinforce the strong relationship between the characters, platonic or not. (Also, eddie 'pain is weakness' diaz crying even a single tear in public feels like a Big Thing).

4. Daniel. Honestly? The chase in the end of the episode and the subsequent argument between buck and daniel (who, yes, is also buck, but ill keep calling daniel to avoid confusion) might be one of my favourite scenes in the entire show. Maybe one of my favourite scenes in any tv show ive watched. First off, that part of buck represents essentially every self worth issue he has. It's the part of him that is the most broken, tells him he isn't needed, isn't wanted, he's spare parts that turned out defective (a sentiment buck has expressed out loud in s4 and it was the 118 reassuring him he is much more than spare parts). And all of this stems from buck's childhood, so it makes sense that it took on the appearance of daniel, since daniel was the source of it all, through no fault of his own, even long before buck knew of his existence. It's daniel's death that brings on the grief that swallows the buckleys and leads to buck's childhood being the way it was. Things would have been different had daniel survived, or so buck believes. Beyond that, daniel's ignorance of maddie's situation reflects on buck blaming himself for not seeing that his sister was suffering (which buck even says out loud in the kitchen scene in this episode). And, when the switch flips, daniel becomes buck, the part of buck that is broken and hateful not to others but to himself, buck borrows a lesson from bobby and manages to break free of his own low self worth. I dont think thats the end of that, but buck's jourmey this episode was all about realising that he is needed, so he could look in the mirror in this scene and say no, you're wrong, they don't want me gone, they care about me. And, as someone who deeply relates to having that voice in your head, and to buck in general, it's so powerful to see a character manage to overcome that. It's so powerful to see buck, textbook people pleaser that he is, realise that he's talking to himself and say 'oh you're me. I dont have to feel bad about not listening to you', and use the first real artifact of firefighting we've seen in the coma dream to break free and return to his life, his real family. And, oliver stark's acting in this scene, whew - buck being confused and emotional but still relentless in pursuing his goal, and the other buck being cold and cruel and also relentless in his insistence that he is just not worth it, not needed. Just - chef's kiss. I cant really explain how much that scene spoke to me, because it is tangled up in how much I relate to buck as a character, and thats a whole other can of worms.

5. Random things. I appreciated that the traumatic events that happened to buck over the course of the show were at least acknowledged. Given that most of the other characters (barring chim, I think) have had storylines about dealing with trauma, it's a bit glaring that buck never really did. Sadly, I think it's too late for that now, aside from if they do something with the lightning going forward. But I am glad they were mentioned, because the man went through a bombing and a tsunami within six months of each other, and it was never really talked about. The bombing led into the lawsuit plot and then was resolved, and the tsunami trauma storyline was about chris (not complaining, it's just how it was). I do wish those traumas had been explored, but I really do think we're past that point and am happy we're at least acknowledging them. (Also, the implication that the tsunami left him so deeply traumatised that it's present in his parents' coma house, supposedly a safe haven from everything real, as a ferris wheel that 'doesnt fit with anything' because trauma stands out in your mind, im-).

Another thing is the lighting, the cold, grey hues of the real hospital, versus warm colour in the coma dream which gradually gets colder the closer buck gets to waking up, and the return of warm lighting in the end, when buck wakes up in the hospital and his family is there to see him. Also, people irl dressed in drab, muted colours, vs. the characters in the dream being more vibrant, esp buck in that green sweater which btw was a gold star choice from the costume department.

Basically everyone put their whole pussy into this, from the writers to the crew to the actors, and while it's not the only time this has happened, I'm really glad it did.

The end. Pretty much. Ive probably managed to forget some things, and maybe I was Captain Obvious abour others, and wrong about some, but this episode made it right to the top of my list of favourites right away, and it'll probably keep me up tonight lmao. Thanks for coming to my TED talk, hope it made sense.

#this episode wrecked me in the best way tbh #911 fox #fox 911 #evan buckley #911 #911 season six #911 season six spoilers #911 s6 spoilers #911 6x11 #evan buck buckley #buck 911

[plumpycakemix]

“wish you were sober”

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Ada Wong

Description: Just read this piece of words while listening to “Wish you were sober” by Conan Gray, trust me.

Note: LeonAda but make it painful (like they always have been) English is not my first language and I wrote this in like 10 minutes so please dont mind me if there is any grammar error T_T

̩̩͙*˚　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊☆.｡.:*　.｡.:*☆.・。.・゜

“Leon, come on, dont be such a bitch.”

As Ada saying, she was leaning on the bar with the 5fth shot of tequila in her hand. She looks at the young man in front, slowly sipping the margarita he called. He slipping it slowly, maybe for build up a cool man figure, or just simply because he hates the taste of it. But he does not think the girl beside him right now is afraid of anything ever.

Ada is the girl he ever dream for. She only exist in his wildest dream, like the prettiest star on the sky that he can not touch, only able to adore from afar. And he does not think of a future with both them in it. He can be the Sun, and Ada is the Moon. So close, yet so far. So familiar, yet too damn strange. It feels like a fever dream. Burning him from the inside out.

“What is it? Too stunned staring at my new ripped jeans?” - Ada said, notice Leon being a little zoned out.

“Cut it off Ada”

She let out a soft chuckle. A tight tee with ripped jeans look too great to be true on her.

The party only go wilder and wilder, and so does Ada. She let herself completely blend into the crowd. Something Leon can never exprerience once in his life, and maybe ever. He hates loud noises. The concept of jumping and dancing and screaming like a maniac in between hundreds of stranger give him a sort of extremely uneasy feelings. Nevertheless the fact that is, why the hell is he here, at a party? I guess we all know.

“You dont even know him enough to trade drinks Ada, thats crazy!”

“What? Thats how party work idiot!” - Ada mumbling at Leon as he trying to get her inside the car.

Leon feels like she can pass out right at that moment. He sighed, thinking to himself “Story of my life..” when slowly starting the car to drive her home.

Suddenly, Ada touch Leon hand softly. But tighter than ever she has been touched his hands. Leon look back at her. With the eyes of mixed feelings. Some surprise, some curiousity, some hard emotions he can not name. He feel his throat dried up a little bit.

When Ada lean in to bring him into a kiss.

A slight kiss. Their lips only touch for a matter of second before it breaks to nothingness again. Leon was in shock. He can not deny he was leaning closer, please for the moment to never end. He was trying to stay with it for a little bit longer, even for just one second or two. But it fades away. Just as fast as how it comes.

Ada looks at him. She looks sober, yet drunk more than ever. With a genuine look in her eyes. She hold his hand tightly, as if she let it go, she will lose him to the dark forever. Moreover, he will lose her. And Ada close her eyes. Let herself escape from the situation she just got herself in. Left Leon with thousands of questions that he might never get a proper answer.

He smile. Bitterly. It feels like a fate they can not get away with. She feels like a curse in his mind. That he can not, or even wants to, get rid of. Ada is like a drug, a cigarette, a cup of tequila, or all the toxic but addictive chemical on this world he can list out. Clearly, so obviously, he knows how much it hurts. He just can not let her go. As if she is a part of him. A part of his soul. A part of his life.

A part of his destiny.

“Real sweet, but i wish you were sober.”

#leon kennedy #resident evil #i dont even ship them #ada wong #leon x ada

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

hii!!!

i just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your writing!!

the past month has been really really rough for me and the only thing thats gotten me through is reading your work.... i ummm might actually have read through every single work you have on ao3 😅 the way you write is just incredible, i love the personal touch added to everything you write.

its funny because i think you truly excel at writing novels with detailed lore and backstories but my favourites are the cute domestic ones where theyre just neighbours or roommates or whatever. the way you write apartment living is so obviously drawn for your own real perspective in the best way possible and feels so real that i couldnt help but constantly agree with everything you were saying.

your dialog is so natural and fluid i often forget im reading tbh and you never write perfect people, theyre always realistic and fucked up and flawed and amazing. i always believe the world you write around them, and i constantly found myself at the edge of my seat at 5am desperate to know how the fuck they would fix everything.

i appreciate that you take the time to add the trigger warnings in the notes of each chapter, i always felt like i was prepared for what was ahead, or if something was too heavy before going in so i could walk away or go to sleep until i was slightly more ready.

i have maybe accidentally left a few essays in the comments of some of your fics already but i just wanted to let you know at the end of my journey (for now until you write more because frankly im obsessed and will probs go reread something after this just to fill the void) how much your writing has meant to me <3 thank you so much i cant imagine the amount of time, effort and love goes into writing so many full-length novels for free in such a short time span <3

Hello Anon! 

I’m really sorry to hear you’ve been going through a hard time lately, I hope that things have improved since you sent in this message ❤ And if you were able to find an escape even for a few minutes in any of my fics, I’m really glad I was able to help you, even if just a little bit 💕💕

Thank you so much for your kind words ;~; I’m so glad that you enjoyed both the lore-based fics as well as the slice-of-life fics XD And that’s good that it’s realistic enough to obviously stem from real life haha. I’ll be honest some things are fading from memory though (I legit cannot remember how periods in school work, but like, I don’t feel like I should have forgotten that??? I think I just purged school from memory because it was awful HAHA) 

And thank youuuuuu!! I have so much fun with dialogue orz I try sometimes not to write too much of it because I know I write it a lot but it’s just really fun to me XD And everyone’s got flaws, no matter how perfect we all think we are pfft ;) 

I find sometimes something needs to be warned about without being a legit tag, so the end note warnings are the easiest way I found to do that, especially in situations where it’s a spoiler. That way people can read safely without worrying about being triggered because I’m defo not about that |D 

You are seriously so sweet, thank you so much ;~; I’m seriously so glad you enjoyed my stuff and I hope that you keep finding things to enjoy in the fandom as a whole because it’s a fun one :3 Thank you so much for the lovely message, and for any essays you left me on Ao3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

#Not TW #Blood's yakkity yaks #Anonymous

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

hiiii you never gonna escape my live reaction

People should be able to fight or disagree with their partners without being scared of losing them to something far worse.

damn thats really unhealthy cause one never should feel like walking on eggshells in their relationship its exhausting bruh

"You literally have a sugar daddy and you're going to make me pay? What a cheap ass, Lightwood."

i know this is setting up for angst but idc sugar baby alec right!! he deserves it

"Alec, people do not use substances to escape this world. They do it so that they can become a part of this world. A world that has not been kind to them and yet, all they want is to feel like they belong."

this. its always seem kinda icky to me when most narratives about addiction is people being too weak to resist and use them to escape reality. this put my feeling on it perfectly.

"You just asked me to sit with you?" Alec says incredulously.

"Yes but this is my side of the bed." Magnus states.

"God, you're so annoying. I'm leaving." Alec huffs and turns to leave the room, but a hand on his arm stops him—-and pulls him back towards the bed.

you are on hospital bed. put the rom-com act away. its no time to be insufferable

Magnus lifts his head to look up at him and nods. "I am now."

alec playing with my hair would solve my problems too but not all of us have that luxury

Of course, his coping mechanisms would need a coping mechanism too.

how can he still joking while getting his diagnosis I-

He remembers the same expression on his mother's face. Her constantly being worried about Asmodeus, waiting for him to come back home.

again Assholedeus can choke on hot coals

Alec strokes his cheeks softly. "I knew you were obsessed with me but I didnt realise that not talking to me for a week makes you more stupid."

why he listing this like an achievement. is he gonna put them in his cv next. "I make magnus bane act stupid by lack of vitamin me"

"Can I kiss you now? I can deal with alcohol withdrawal but not from the withdrawal I'm getting from not kissing you for a week."

alec's confidence will never falter he got support from the man himself, cry about it

Alec gives her a soft smile. He picks up the girl in his arms and sits her down on the chair vacated by him—bends down on the floor and teaches her how to tie her lace.

i know lrhwy!alec not gonna have any kid but he just has dad vibe there i said it

Or maybe Magnus is the third wheel.

no the third wheel are you twos overthinking and not talking about it

"People shouldn't have kids just because they want them. They should have kids because they want them and can provide a good life to them. Anything less than that is selfish." Alec comments.

some ppl want to have kids and have the ability to raise them properly but still fvck up so yeah. parenting is hard how tf my parents put up with me

His boyfriend chuckles at that. "We are not becoming a Cat family. Maybe we can get a dog in the future."

arrow about to snatch the bestest family member award in the future

He almost believes that he deserves punishment for making a living out of war.

this is parallel to canon alec being a shadowhunter. i scream

They find out that Sebastian did this. It's revenge. Alec doesn't know what for.

sebitchtian better catch it. by it i mean he should be dipped in boiling oil

"Holy fuck." Alec yells as soon as his eyes land on Magnus, who is wearing deep burgundy lingerie with a garter belt.

i planted this. idk how but i planted this

"Come on. It's not like we've never done it without it." Magnus tries to convince Alec.

doing it raw cause u hiding something in the closet. lets be real for a second

Magnus takes the butt plug in his mouth in a seductive motion, keeping eye contact with Alec, whose eyes darken a bit. "I just want some messy, rough, caveman sex. Is that too much from you, soldier?

porn roleplay script aside that isnt hygienic stop putting everything in your mouth magnus!

"How long have you been drinking again?"

you can hear the pin drop

"I was losing my mind today so I thought I'll clean the clothes. Get my mind busy." Alec mumbles.

this reminds me the time i was so sad im willing to do chemistry revision. it was so bad for me

Something must be wrong with Magnus because all he can think right now is how glad he is that Alec has only found seven out of the nine places.

damn its a scavenger hunt

"Sometimes it feels like you love alcohol more than you love me."

Sometimes I do.

you should have told me im not the favorite child in the family it would have hurt less

"You literally were about to get your name and identity changed when you thought Clary wasn't into you." Alec accuses.

jace got the lightwood dramatic from you dont even deny it alec

21st October.

i can hear the italicized oh and the dramatic orchestra background music in my mind

He stares at the two of them. "You have helped plenty. You can leave, I wouldn't want to be a bother to you guys."

he's bitch and he's baby and that's on three-dimensional character

Alec deflates at the word and steps back. "I was just trying to help. Chairman was crying."

meanwhile chairman is looking very much unbothered

It's a tiring process, and Alec needs to take a break a couple of times since his body needs rest. Arrow comes to check on him and remind him to rest, and Alec kisses the dog softly.

hes better than me if i got crushed by an entire ceiling you would have to princess carry me out of my bed

Alec is here to recover and not to meddle in Magnus's life. He doesn't have the right to cook for him or take care of him anymore.

why you go from a to z to infinity stone with one sentence it's literally one sentence omfgggg shut ur virgo ass up

"Chairman, why didn't you tell me I was an idiot."

maybe if you paid chairman

It's just something his ex-boyfriend did all the fucking time, and Magnus was so used to it that he hated having to do it himself after the breakup, so he cut his hair.

has magnus heard of sth call hairclips

"Why? You're broken up so he is public property again."

"Shut up."

magnus: he not my bf but he still my bf in the sense that my bf not my bf do you understand????!?

Alec chuckles softly at that. "You're doing a lot more than cooking in my dreams."

alec is just never loosing the inappropriate flirt contest

"Well. I did cook dinner that one time." Magnus comments and then pauses when he remembers that one time.

damn i so looking forward to the breakup

He almost wants to leave the room and run away because being near Alec hurts.

But he can't leave because being near Alec is like oxygen.

you can just make an alec plushie. problem solved

"Alec, I'm moving to London."

when he's Welcome to New York but you're London Boy

damn does malec have any relationship to attempt at distance relationship lmaooooo

Bold of you to assume I’m not waiting for your reactions cause they are funniest thing ever.

I also dislike the addiction arcs where someone is shown weak. I think addiction is more complex than that and those sides are not portrayed that well in media usually. I tried my best in reflecting that.

“Shut your Virgo ass up” MAAM I-

“Has Magnus ever heard of smth called hair clips” WHEN I TELL U I CHOKED.

And again at “does malec have any relationship to attempt at long distance” YOU ARE BRUTAL AND HILARIOUS AS ALWAYS ANH.

I can write a para giving my reaction to your reactions lmao.

#thank you babygirl #LRHWY #Anh cutie