#now im supposed to be alone with my thoughts and my phone and my depressing music | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stars4ni · 26 days

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-gloomy days turn to happy days- ⋆·˚ ༘ *

✿ ( genre⠀ ) … oneshot, kai x reader, gn reader, friends to lovers, fluff, comfort, highschool au

𝜗𝜚 ( warnings⠀ ) … swearing, crying, comforting, hugs, kissing, rain, suicidal thoughts, pet names

☆ ( word count⠀ ) … 1.884k

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my pillow was drenched, i paused between my tears to lay on my side. i just stared at the cream colored wall in front of me. tears started to fall again, i had been crying for an hour. god i’m so worthless, so pathetic. no one wants me, not even myself. i’m such a loner, i have only one friend, who i doubt even truly likes being with me. i have a shit relationship with my parents. it’s 3pm on a fucking wednesday during my break, my classmates are all on vacation or hanging out, and i’m here crying in my bed wondering if i should even still be on this planet. i have nothing going for me, again no friends, parents basically hate me, okay grades but won’t get me into good schools, no job, no boyfriend or girlfriend, im ugly, no one likes me, no one wants me. i covered my mouth as i let out a loud sob, if my parents heard they would come in and give me a huge lecture about all my problems and if that happened i think i’d just off myself right then and there. i sobbed and sobbed. tears falling down my cheeks, falling into my neck and behind my ears, getting my hair all wet. the rain was loud on my window that was behind me, it made me want to cry even more. rain makes me so depressed, it’s so beautiful but makes me so sad. the gloomy colors of the sky, the wet feeling on my skin, driving in it is hell, i hate it. i felt so alone, but was i gonna do anything about it? no. i heard my phone buzzing, i didn’t really care though it was probably my mom telling me to do something, she can wait, i honestly don’t give a fuck, i don’t care about anything right now. i just wanna cuddle up in my fluffy comforter and cry, no one to bother me. it felt like hours of me just laying there staring at the wall crying and crying until the tears got softer and calmer. it was actually only 15 minutes of that but left longer. i heard a knock at the door, i let it pass, until 5 seconds later i heard another knock. “mom! i’m busy!” i yelled annoyed.

“uh…it’s kai, can i come in? your mom let me in” your friend kai said through the door. fuck i completely forgot i was supposed to meet my friend kai at this cafe to study 45 minutes ago. “yeah um…hold on give me like 5 seconds!” i quickly wiped my tears away, tried to breathe normally and ran to my drawer to grab some pants to put on, since i was okay in a crop top and underwear. i sat on my bed, my feet dangled off the side, i anxiously swung them back an forth. “okay you can come in now!” kai opens the door and closing it behind him. his blonde hair was all damp, he had a concerned look on his face, he stood there looking at me. “what’s up? i’ve been calling you like crazy, i waited and waited then i just gave up and came here cause-” i interrupted him. “sorry! i just lost track of time, i was asleep, we can study here!” i faked a smile. he took a seat next to me, he looked at me. he noticed you were acting different, and noticed your puffy eyes “hey we’re you crying? your eyes are red and puffy” he asked softly and concerned. i looked at the floor, breaking eye contact with him. “y/n are you okay?” he asked moving his head at an angle trying to make eye contact again. “i was crying earlier…but i’m fine kai” you said trying to get him to stop asking. “are you sure? i can tell when you are lying to me” he said as he grabbed my hand. “look at me” i looked at him. “you can be honest with me, i’m here for you y/n” he said squeezing my hand, then caressing it. he never broke eye contact with me, he acted like he really cared. “i’m just feeling unwanted and things like that…” i said looking at him. he frowned “and whys that hmm?” he scooted closer to me still holding my hand, still looking at me, he listened so well. “i feel like no one wants me, i’m lonely, i have no one, i’m nothing, i wonder if i should even stay here kai…” tears started to fall down my cheeks. “y/n please don’t think that way, i’m here for you, always, i want you, i need you in my life, please know that” he said with a mix of smiling and frowning. “ kai, but i don’t believe you. you can always find someone better than me. i’m really nothing special.” i said sobbing wiping my tears away with my free hand. “but you are special, you are so special, so unique, so beautiful, i don’t say it a lot but…i love you so much, i really do y/n” i let go of his hand reaching around him and laid my head on his shoulder, crying into his hoodie. he put his arms around me, he hugged me, his hands on my lower back. he rubbed my back up and down with his hands. i felt so safe, so comforted. my cries were muffled from being smushed into his shoulder. he moved his hand up to my hair as he gently played with it, it calmed me.

i moved back looking at him, “kai…i haven’t gotten an i love you in months…you don’t realize how happy that made me…i love you too” i actually smiled. his hand moved up to my face, gently wiping my tears away with his thumb. he smiled at me. he leaned down, removing his hand and pushing back my hair, he kissed my cheek. “you are so special y/n, you belong” he smiled. a couple tears shred down my face, i looked up at him smiling. “no more crying…it makes me sad y/n” he pouted. “i have an idea to cheer you up…what about a walk in the rain hm?” he suggested. i usually hate the rain but it sounded fun. i just wanted to be with him, i was scared if he left i would feel so alone. i nodded and smiled. “let’s go!” he ran to my closet and got a hoodie out for me. he ran back to me, he was so excited, he was like a child so eager to go outside on a snow day. he put my hoodie on me as he grabbed my hand, ran to my bedroom door, opening it than to the front door. “sit down, i’ll put them on don’t worry” he gestured to my sneakers that were on the floor. i sat on the small bench right next to the door, he put my shoes on for me and even tied them. i looked down at him while he was tying, he looked so fucking adorable. my stomach started to turn, heat going to my cheeks. i was blushing. he looked up at me as he finished the last knot. “your cute when you blush” he laughed as i then giggled. he stood up, i followed. he grabbed an umbrella, opened the door as he walked though first opening the umbrella putting it above me. we started to walk down the sidewalk as he just kept the umbrella over me and not him. “kai, come closer! your getting soaked” he moved closer to me, now both of us were under the umbrella. we walked down the sidewalk as he reached out his hand to hold mine, i grabbed his. my face turning even more red than it already was. “nice isn’t it?” he said looking at me. “yeah it’s calming, i actually love it” i said smiling at him. “you see that giant puddle over there?” he said pointing at it. “yeah?” “wanna go jump in it?” i laughed at him, thinking he was joking. “i’m being serious y/n… it sounds fun!” “okay sure!! but i’m not getting my sneakers all messed up” he set the umbrella down in the sidewalk as we both took our shoes off and placed them underneath the umbrella. he grabbed my hand as we ran to the puddle jumping and kicking water at each other. we laughed and screamed at each other. pants getting soggy, feet frozen. i felt so happy to be with him, the rain was fun. it didn’t make me feel sad anymore, it was a good thing now. he came closer to me. he grabbed my face, “i love you so so much!” i looked up at him to see his huge smile. “i love you too kai”

he looked away then looking back a little nervously, “can i kiss you?” he asked anxiously for your answer. “please” i said. he crashed his lips into mine. caressing my cheek, moving our lips together, rain falling on us. it felt perfect. it was perfect. he pulled back, pushing my wet hair back. “god i love you so much” he said leaning his head back in awe. i grabbed his hand, “more than friends…right?” i asked laughing. “obviously” he laughed as he kissed me again, with even more passion than the last one. i tasted the rain water on his lips, i melted into his lips, he’s one of a god damn good kisser. the kiss broke he picked me up from my back and twirled me around. i laughed. “kai! put me down!” “hmm okay okay princess, anything for you” he smiled. he took my hand again as he walked over to our shoes and picked them up as we walked back to the house. he opened the door as i walked in first. “go to your room, i’ll get you a towel okay?” i nodded as i walked to my room as i sat in the floor. kai came into my room with a big fluffy towel, he wrapped it around me from the back as he hugged me. he snuggled into me, “mhm… so comfy” he started to place small kisses on my neck, sending shivers down my spine. “you are so perfect y/n” he said in between the kisses he was sending up to my temple. “i’m so cold kai” i said whining. “oh no i can’t let my precious baby be cold, how about some fresh clothes and hot tea?” he said running his hands on my arms.“baby? your precious baby?” i said shocked. “well of course darling, you are so precious” he said leaving a sloppy kiss on my cheek. he felt the the heat on your cheek, “oh someone’s blushing hm?” he said giggling. i looked down embarrassed. “you are so cute…let me go get you those clean clothes and tea for my darling” he said squeezing me tight and getting up off the floor. i looked out the window, the raindrops falling down it. i used to get so sad looking at the rain but now it fills me with happiness. all because of kai, he make those gloomy days all the better.

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stars4ni ©

#stars4ni #txt #txt x reader #txt huening kai #huening kai imagine #huening kai x reader #huening kai fluff #hyuka x reader #hyuka <3 #txt fluff #txt oneshots #hyuka one shot #huening kai one shot

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psychoticallytrans · 11 months

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This is gonna be a weird question, and im sorry in advance if i dont word it the best. is it possible to only have temporary psychosis, or, i guess, episodic psychosis? im bipolar (type 2, i *think*, my psychiatrist isnt one for divvying the two up tbqh and im not either) and back when i wasnt medicated, during 2021ish, i had what was most likely a psychotic depression episode (and have probably had more before, but my memory is really bad). i didnt get that diagnosed; i told my school counsellor about how i was feeling and she just kinda went "thats... a little out of my paygrade" sdfghjk. now that im medicated i dont have those kinds of episodes anymore, but, well--my symptoms have gotten worse lately, likely due to stress (i am a trans man, easily clockable as trans, living in florida, plus i've had life stuff going on) and i suppose im just wondering if you have any advice for trying to catch an episode before i'm near the end of it. sorry if this is technically easily-google-able, but i'll be honest, i dont trust random articles more than i trust people with the conditions they're talking about, given how stigmatized a lot of mental illnesses are. thank you for your time !! have a good day !!

No, it's not weird at all! It's certainly not easy to google, if you want accurate information. I'm glad you felt comfortable coming here to ask. Psychosis is a symptom. Specifically, it's a response to stress. Some disorders, like bipolar, make you more prone to it than average, lowering the amount of stress that needs to be applied for you to experience psychosis. For some people, the bar is zero stress applied for them to experience psychosis. For most people, the bar is pretty high, requiring major stress sustained over days for them to experience it- and when the stress is removed, they are no longer psychotic. In other words, the vast majority of people's psychosis is temporary!

It sounds like that for you, the amount of stress required is lower than most, and you're looking out for how to manage an episode. That's a great question to be asking, and I'm glad you're taking care of and looking out for yourself.

The first thing is to think back to your first episode, and think about what symptoms you experienced. Were there hallucinations? Delusions? What were they about, and how did they feel? Identifying what you experienced can help you figure out if you have an episode coming up. For me, the first thing is always hearing things that aren't there, like footsteps. Figuring out what your first thing is can help a lot. Next, think about what might help you figure out what is and isn't real. For visual hallucinations, a lot of people use their phones to check by looking through the camera app. For auditory ones, earplugs and recording then playing back sound are both common ones. For hallucinated smells, most people use nose plugs, but I use essential oils because they work better for me. I cannot smell anything past them, so anything that doesn't smell like the oil ain't real. For taste, I hear a lot of people use an ice cube on the tongue, but I don't have those. Anyone who does, please chime in! For tactile ones, usually touching the spot yourself will help.

Delusions are more complicated, especially when you're in the middle of them. The strategy that works best for me is basically examining my thoughts. First, I figure out if it's rational or not by applying logic. Why am I thinking this? Does it have a good reason behind it? Next, is this thought going to harm me or other people? If not, I leave it alone. You can choose to examine your benign delusions if you like, I just choose not to.

If it is (a common one that falls into this category for me is paranoia about leaving my home when I need groceries), I essentially start laying out an argument against myself, using my past experiences and research to resist the irrational thought (ex. going to the store is safe, even if it wasn't I can kick most people's asses, and if I can't do that I can scream loud enough to alert anyone within about a quarter mile, and even if something crap happens to me, I'm trained in First Aid and regularly update my training.). This can be difficult, and sometimes fails for me.

I also noted that you specifically had psychotic depression. this ca make things harder, because it's hard to do things when you're depressed. I recommend prepping for the possibility of an episode. Find ways to make your life easier. A list of self-accommodations you may find helpful:

Get some meals you can microwave. Make sure your meds are right next to something you can take them with. Try to keep enough clean laundry around that you won't have to do laundry during the episode. Disposable dishes and utensils are another great accommodation. Have a big trash bin you can pile trash into, and a misc box or hamper so that you can shove shit in it that you don't have the energy to put away, so you still have a floor to walk on safely.

The episode will be over, eventually, and you'll need to take care of whatever happened during it, but the better you take care of yourself during it, the faster it will be over.

If anyone else has advice, please feel free to add on!

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equallyshaw · 2 years

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The Medicated Series: features OC’s with medical issues such as depression, anxiety, physical disabilities such as MS or Rheumatoid Arthritis as well as any other autoimmune disease such as Crohn’s, endometriosis, infertility, etc. (not an autoimmune but you get it) I feel, as a person with a physical disability, that there is a lack of representation and have always wanted to see myself in y/n stories. Links for information regarding rheumatoid arthritis:

Cale Makar Medicated Series Master Post:

https://www.cdc.gov/arthritis/basics/rheumatoid-arthritis.html

triggers/warnings: talks of pregnancy, medications. and angst. and SOFT. SOFT. ALSO: y'all are gonna hate Nate for awhile, im sorry...

Original Character: Eliza Nicole James, 23 years old. Brunette Hair, Blue Eyes, short and curvy.

Word Count:6.8k

Part Five:

Eliza's POV:

I rolled over in my bed, without realizing who was in it. I jumped out of instinct before I realized who it was. Cale, had stayed the night. We stayed up into the wee hours of the night, chatting and ofcourse getting to know on another more. As well as Cale continously promising to protect and stand up for me every chance he got, making me swoon over and over again. It was currently 5 am, and had to get up to take my medicine before rolling over for another few hours of sleep. "Why are you up?" I heard him mumble, earning a soft giggle from me. I quickly grabbed my medicine and made my way to my washroom, to grab some water since I forgot it last night inbetween chatting and kissing. I turned on my night light, staring in the mirror and not regconzing who was staring back at me. I had never once put myself out there, in fear of being rejected and now, I don't know. I look more relaxed? Finally, not having to be 'on' all the time? I shook those thoughts and popped open my medicine container and quickly took them before using the toilet and heading back out to my bed. I softly, or as soft as I could, settle back into bed. Cale instinctively wrapped his arm around my stomach, pulling me into his side and I smiled, mentally thanking the universe for this human being. He was exactly who you'd picture him as, even more than that. After almost 24 years on the planet, somebody was finally giving me a break. A well deserved break.

Cale's POV:

It was now around 9 am, when Eliza was waking up again. I smiled down at her as she awoke, her cheeks blushing as soon as we made eye contact. "Morning." I mused, pressing a kiss to her temple. She put her hands towards me, trying to playfully push me away. "Hey, now!" I joked softly, wrapping her in a hug. "Ugh, you win." she repsonded sarcastically finally looking at me. "Hi." She smiled, before reaching over to grab her phone. "I have one thing to do." She smiled, opening up her email app and searching for Joe Sakics' email. "So I think I decided Cale." She said quietly, before loooking up at me. "Decided what exactly?" I asked coyly, hoping she'd say what I want her to say. She sighed, "I think, I think im going to take the job." She said nervously closing her eyes. I smiled widely, "That's awesome!!" I said now envisioning what it would be like to work with her from now on. She groaned, "But I love my kiddos." She said sadly and I nodded. She reopened her eyes and looked at her phone, "Then why don't we go and visit them on our own time, together or alone." I offered and she nodded. "I was thinking about that, I just fear Martha will hate me." She said. I shook my head," I think if anything she will love you more. Think about it, you'll be working for her favorite team and with her favorite player." I joked and she giggled. "I supposed." She grinned, opening up the email.

[Dear Joe Sakic, thankyou for the wonderful oppurtunity to come work with you guys. I am more than ecstatic to let you know, that I will be in fact taking you up on that offer. Please let me know a day and time, when I can come down and we can chat about somethings. Just need to touch base, beforehand. Best regards, Eliza James.]

"Its official." She said beaming as she put down her phone, and with that I pulled her in for a kiss. She smiled into it, before we parted. Her eyes glistened in the morning light, making her even more beaufitul. I could get used to that look. "I would love to lay here all day but I need some coffee and a croissant." She hummed, getting out of the bed with me following suit. I bent down to grab my dress pants and dress shirt. "I think you need this." Eliza smirked, walking over with the loosened tie and I chuckled. "I think I do too." I responded, thinking about how she yanked it off and threw it aside, claiming it was not needed. She walked out of the room, as I got changed and headed out after her. She stood in front of her bathroom mirror, applying some lotion and sunscreen, and I could see the faint haze of exhaustion. I leaned against the doorframe, watching her as she continued to get ready. "I look scary, don't I?" she quizzed wiping her hands with her towel. "No, but you don't look all that awake." I responded and she nodded. "I never do, unfortunetly." She responded walking past me and out into the hallway. "Good morning love birds!" Becca exclaimed from the kitchen counter as I walked in. A blush crept onto both of our cheeks as I sat down on the barstool. Eliza made her way to the expresso machine, and played with it and set a coffee cup down underneath, waiting for it to start. "Im glad you guys are good. I was scared for a moment." Becca said in passing, and I looked at Eliza who rolled her eyes softly. "Yeah yeah." Eliza said jokingly, as she got some coffee creamer out. "You look good today, E." Becca said noticing how good she was walking. "Hmm, thanks." She responded like it was nothing. "I agree, you do look good today." I commented unsurely, hoping I was not stepping over the line. How could I comment on her behavior, if I hadn't been around barely two months? I didn't want it to come off as a repeat of a comment. Eliza smiled towards me and nodded, "I feel good today." Was all she said as the expresso finished. "Ouuu, you should post that today." Becca commenented on her expresso shot. "Post what?" I asked curiously as Becca set a bottle of water down in front of me. "She sometimes posts, photos to instagram that are very aesthetically pleasing. Like when you got her peonies, she did one with her coffee that day. We keep telling her she needs to do photography, even if it is for fun. She's good." Becca smiled at her best friend. Who in turn, rolled her eyes, shaking off her comments. "Now, I wanna know." I grinned, opening up my phone. "ElizaJames, one word." Becca said coming over and peering over my shoulder. "Let's do that real quickly." I said softly, following her back or atleast attempting to since she had her account on lock.

Becca snatched Eliza's phone before Eliza could figure out what we were doing. Becca chuckled mischeaviously as she opened her phone and accepted his request. I smiled as I refreshed the page, taking in a whole other side and life of Eliza. She had around 60 photos of coffee,flowers, different charity work and books that she had read. With some selfies mixed in here and there. "There it is." Becca mused pointing to the photo, and i regonzied the peonies. "These are good, Eliza." I exclaimed looking up at Eliza who smiled, and grabbed her phone from Becca and walked away. She walked back in a few minutes later, showing the newly posted photo on her instagram. I refreshed her paged, and liked it the second it popped up. "Now leave me alone, you two." She said sticking out her tongue before sipping her drink. "Oh baby, thats a good one." She said closing her eyes and savoring the strong shot. "Okay, now I leave. If not, she's gonna start talking about coffee and I haven't had any yet today, so I am in no mood to listen." Becca said quickly, grabbing her eyes and walking out the apartment. "She's not wrong, my dad grew up making really good coffee and when I had really bad fatigue around 14, we kinda bonded over coffee and the origins of different coffees. That's why when I have a really good cup, I can't help but ramble about it." She said softly, a blush creeping at her cheeks. "Well, I think that's cute." I paused getting up and walking ovre towards her, "and very you." I smiled before placing a kiss on her head. "Ever the charmer." she mused, placing a hand on my chest. "Are you available tonight for dinner?" I questioned and she nodded. "Great, I have to go to practice but I will pick you up around 6?" I questioned, gazed down at her and she nodded. "I'll be ready." She smiled and leaned in for a quick peck. I gently grabbed her face, pulling her in for a longer kiss. We parted, and I quickly placed a kiss on her forehead before walking around her. "Drive safetly." she called as I opened the door, I nodded giving her one last look and I was out the door.

Awhile later, I pulled up to the practice facility. I placed my car in park and sat there looking down at my phone that had a few texts. I couldn't help but laugh as Eliza sent me numerous memes, and then explained the phone call she had with Martha after I had left. She wanted to properly take the time to explain to her that some changes were going to happen but she'd talk to her in person that upcoming Tuesday. I was in my own world, being disturbed by none other than Gabe Landeskog. I rolled my eyes, laughing as i hopped out of the car. He looked visibly upset, "I've been trying to get ahold of you." Was the first thing out of his mouth as I shut my door. "Sorry, sorry. I was with Eliza." I responded, closing my back door as I grabbed my bag. He was stunned, "Wait what?" He asked catching up to me since I had walked past him. "Oh wow, Mel thought for sure Eliza wasn't gonna let you see her. After what happened." Gabe said, walking next to me. "Yeah, no. She for sure didn't want to see at first, that's for sure." I mused as we neared the front doors. "So are you two together or...?" He trailed off, trying to get it out of me. I nodded, "Yeah, I officially asked her last night." I smiled nervously, as Gabe's face lit up. "Oh man, thats awesome! What took you so long?" He questioned opening the door for me. I sighed, "I just wanted to make sure she was comfortable. To us having a relationship is something so second nature. That time and energy not meaning or matters as much to us. But for her, her energy and time are very importnant. She's made that abundantly clear and I just wanted to her ease into it and not have it sprung on her." I confessed and he peered over at me with a look that was unreadable before looking down and smiling. "Are you gonna tell the team?" he asked and I shrugged. "Not sure, I still wanna know who said everything last night. It had to be somebody close to Tracey no doubt." I said and he nodded, "Well we know for sure it was not Mel or Sydney so that's good. Atleast she can trust them." Gabe responded and I shook my head, "Yeah, I don't think she will be around much. As much as I want her to be there at games with everybody, it is going to take a whole hell of a lot to step foot near anybody again-and coffee." I said a bit annoyed. Gabe nodded, "Well atleast you know Mel and Sydney are on her side." He finished as we walked into the dressing room.

I still could not shake that disguted feeling, of how somebody that none of the wags knew, could say soemthing like that. A complete stranger. But right now I could not focus on that, I would though be getting to the bottom of it. Mark my words.

Third Person's POV:

Cale stopped next to Nate and Jt as the drills rolled on. "You heard what she said?" Nate mumbled next to Jt and Jt nodded. "Yeah, apprently Eliza looked like she could of killed somebody Sydney said." Jt confessed and Nate peered over at Cale who had taken interest in the conversation. "Can I help you?" Cale asked and Nate shook his head. Nate had heard what Devon's wife- Kerry had said and honestly, he agreed with what she said. Nate thought that Cale didn't realize, that they didn't have a future together or the one he envisioned. But Nate and the wife, were oh so very wrong. Cale saw a future with her, and yeah, it wasn't the one he originally envisioned but her saw a future with her. There future, one that involved them both. One that saw them getting married at some point, adopting dogs or cats or both, and buying a house wherever there heart desired. Here or in Canada. At the end of the day, all he wanted was her and nothing more. And sooner than later, Nate and anybody else would have to come around. "Can I help you?" Cale repeated as Nate briefly stared at him, "No, not you in partiuclar." Nate said in passing before rentering the drill. What the hell did that mean, cale thought. Cale reentered the drill before looping back around with Nate and Jt. "It doesn't involve you, it involves..Eliza." Nate confessed and Nate took note of that. "What do you need from her?" Cale asked, confused and curious. Nate sighed looking at Jt, "Why she is with somebody that is nothing like her? Why are you with somebody that will drag you down? Can she even do anything? Can she even have kids? I agree with what Kerry said-" Nate was cut off by Cale shoving the older dude. "No, no not right now." Jt said cutting in and trying to step between them but Cale was furious. Again, how could a stranger comment on her life without knowing her? "What the hell is wrong with you?" Cale yelled, alerting the rest of the team. Jt pulled Cale back away from the rougher player, hoping to avoid a fist fight. Nate had crossed the line, so badly. "No, you do realize that a person can be more than illness right?", "You don't know her, how can you say shit?" Cale threw at Nate as Gabe skated over, pushing Nate back. Gabe gave him stone cold eyes, "Don't say anything else." The captain demaded and let go of Nate. Nate nodded, skating away from Cale,Gabe and Jt. Gabe turned around to a very flushed and on fire, Cale. "He won't be saying anything else. I'll make sure of it." Gabe spoke to Cale and Cale only, who nodded. Jt looked over towards Nate, sending him a glare. Jt agreed that he had stepped over a line, and it would be a lot of work to regain that trust with Cale back.

Cale skated off the ice as soon as practice was done, hoping to get out of the quickly. He hadn't even processed the words Nate had said. It was Devon's wife who had said things, his supposed best friend, teamamte and lineman. He threw off his gear and proceeded to get changed. He did not want to stick around any longer. "Hey Cale-" Devon stopped as Cale looked up towards him and shook his head. "You don't get to speak to me." Cale exclaimed. "No we need-" Cale cut him off again, "No Devon, I don't want to say anything that will further harm our relationship. So please just dont say anything." Cale said continuing to chage. Jt, Tyson, Gabe and a few others walked in. Devon looked defeated, and went to take his gear off. He didn't agree with what his wife had said, especially with what Cale had said in passing about Eliza. She seemed like a nice person, and one who deserved the space to share who she was. More than her illness.

"You good, man?" Tyson asked stepping into the next stall. Cale grunted, meaning no. "Don't mind Nate. You know he's got clouded judgment with those chickpeas." He said jokingly and Cale shook his head. "Regardless, he shouldn't have ever said those words. He can't take them back now." Cale responded and Tyson nodded. "Will she be at our game Monday?" he asked and I shook my head. "I defintly don't think she will want to be around people, who speak for her. And especialy coworkers, that won't see past that she's more than just her illness." Cale spat as he grabbed his bag and began to walk out of the dressing room. He made his way down the hall and was out the door.

Back in the dressing room, Gabe exploded. "What the fuck Nate? Are you kidding me?" He said walking over to Nate. Nate just stood there, continuing to take his gear off. "Seriously man! Do you not listen to Cale when we are not on the ice? Do you see the way he talks about her? Do you not realize that she is more than what she has?" Gabe questioned, trying to get answers out. "No ofcourse not, you've never known somebody to be sick and look perfectly normal have you?" He paused gaging his teammates reaction, "You've only known the one's who act like changing diets miraciously cures there health." Gabe finished and turned around. Some of the guys ooh'd over that last part. Ironic, since apparently changing his diet has made Nate a better player. "I mean, maybe changing it would help." Nate said without thinking. A chorus of "Oh shut the fuck up!" "Fuck off!" and "Oh my god!" filled the room. "Let's pretend he didn't just say that." EJ boomed, a few nods filling the room. Gabe returned to his stall next to EJ and finished with the rest of his gear.

Cale drove out of the practice facility, and tried not to cry. Those words hitting him over and over again, filling her ears. The look on Nate's face, the tone of his voice and the sheer confidence of how he spoke. Cale was heartbroken that after everything he had said about her to him and Gabe and Devon, that he still would say shit like that. It wasn't right nor fair, and could only imagine the pain of what Eliza had gone through in her years. He was seeing the ugly side of it, and he hated it. He knew for sure, he would continue to do everything in his power to protect her. By that he meant, keeping the relationship on the down low which Eliza would prefer, or all together break up with her. As much as he didn't want to, atleast she wouldn't have to deal with the team. But oh wait, she was taking the job and that still mean she would have to be around them. But atleast in a professional capacity, and if Nate or anybody else breathed wrong, there would be a nasty harassment claim and Cale did not want any of that. Cale clicked Mels, contact, the only person he trusted for opinions on relationships.

"Hey Cale, how are you? How's Eliza?" She questioned, and then she heard a soft sniffle from her side of the phone. "Oh no! Is she ok? Are you ok?" She asked, wanting him to speak. "She's fine, she's perfect. Nate just said somethings about Kerry and agreed with what she had to say. and like-" He paused allowing some tears to fall out. "Like what Cale?" Mel asked nervously. "Maybe I don't have a future with her? Maybe us dating will be too much for her? Like how can I protect her from the world if I can't even protect her from the team? And fuck!" he threw out, causing Mel to jump. She'd never heard him like this in the years of knowing him. "She told Joe that she would take the offer on the table and then this happens. She won't want to be around people who don't see her the way I do." Cale finished. Mel frowned, and shifted in her seat.

"Cale, I am sorry for what happened. I am sorry that you had to be on the recieving end of it. You nor Eliza deserve it. But, please don't do what I know you are thinking. I see the way you have spoken about her since meeting her. Remember how you came over the day you had met her? Blushing like a fool because Gabe had to pry out that you got her number. How your eyes lit up telling me about the speech she had made and how much of a warrior she was, and how unimaginably strong she was. Stronger than you could ever imagine? How even though she was in pain, there was a beautiful confidence that radiated from her? And then you guys had your first date at that little greek restaurant- and how you'd never seen anybody so effortestly beautiful? How she didnt care in that moment, how she looked to you or anybody else. How she wouldn't stop laughing at your dumb jokes. Cale, you care for this girl. Don't second guess the love you have for her over an idiot and yes, Nate is a fucking idiot. He doesn't realize how sweet she is, in the conversations we had yesterday, I couldn't help but smile. She is exactly who you made her out to be, even more spunky and sarcastic than I thought, which I love. So don't do what I know you are thinking Cale, it'll hurt you even more than you think it will." Mel finished, as Cale drove closer and closer to his condo.

"Thanks Mel, I knew I could trust you." He said thankfully. "Ofcourse, Cale. You know I always want the best for you, you have always been like a little brother to me. I just want to see the best for you." She responded and he smiled. "Thanks Mel." he responded. "And Cale?" She said. "Hmm." He repsonded back. "Show the world who she is, inside and out. We want to know and see it all." She finished and Cale nodded, "I will Mel, I promise." He said before clicking end call.

He had a lot of work to do, but he knew in due time it would all work out. They as in the team would learn who she is. And then the world would, whenever Eliza wanted them to. This was her call, cards in her hands. But that didn't mean, he wouldn't help.

Eliza's POV:

Cale texted me that he was there in the parking garage, and I smoothed down my dark yellow sweater over my cropped pants one last time, making sure my gold jewelery looked good as well. Becca smiled at me as I came out of my room, noticing the lower neckline of the sweater, I smiled back as I grabbed my old coach bag and sighed. "You good?" She questioned eating some of her sushi. I nodded, "I've never been this nervous to see him." I said shyly and she gave me a small frown. "Don't be, you look gorgeous!" She said getting off the counter and pushing my hair behind my shoulders and smoothed my flyaways. "You look great, and if he doesn't think so- I can find him behind the building." She mused walking back to her dinner. I giggled softly, before walking out.

I made my way down the elevator and walked out looking for his car. His fancy car sticking out among the few guest cars, and I made my way over. He noticed me as soon as I had come out of the elevator, got out and waited by the passenger door. "Hi." I said softly, as he leaned in for a kiss as I got in. "Hi." He breathed as he parted. He got in the car, and backed out. "So where are we going?" I questioned, getting comfortable. "We are going to Rioja, a Greek restaurant in the square." He explained and I grinned, "You Greeks and your food." I mused. "We do love to stick to our food." he joked. "Which means Ill have to show you some of my stomping grounds, or I will have my uncle make some authentic Polish Pierogis." I mused looking over at him as he grabbed my hand. He smiled, "I reckon you did promise me some pierogis on our second date." he repsonded and I laughed. "I think I did, too. Which is kinda a big deal. I don't offer pierogis to just anybody." I grinned, and he smiled again over at me. We drove about 15 minutes to the other side of downtown Denver, and we dropped his car off at the valet. He grabbed my hand, as he rounded to car and we walked inside the upscale restaurant. I don't think I've ever been to such a restaurant before. He told the hostess, the name of the reservation and we made our way back to the back of the restaurant. Apparently he had requested one of the back tables. "It smells amazing." I muttered, looking around at all the food that was being eaten. The sight alone made my mouth water.

We sat down at the table, and for some reason Cale could not focus on me. He was constantly looking past my shoulder, it was getting a bit annoyed. "Hey, you good?" I questioned touching his hand that was on the table and he nodded, unsurely. "Come on Cale, you've been looking past me the whole time we have been here." I said getting ready to turn around to whatever he was looking at. "It's nothing." He said trying to drop it, and so I brushed it off. The waiter came up, and we ordered some waters, falfek, pita + veggies + hummus, and I thought I would be fancy and get a seltzer. "Are you okay to drink?" he questioned as the waiter went away. "Yes, Cale. I'm not gonna die." I joked and he nodded, with a small smile. "I'll be right back, I'm going to run to the washroom." I stated and Cale nodded looking at the menu. I got out of my seat in a fast pace, and when I turned around to walk back out to the front I saw the woman from last night. She didn't spot me at first, but when she did- I gave her a cold stone glare as I walked out of the private area. That's who Cale was looking at, I hadn't noticed at first since we walked in with our backs facing them. She was with a few other people, another woman and three males. Who probably were on the team, if she was there last night. I walked into the washroom, and went into the stall and leaned against the door. This was so not happening, universe!!! I left the stall, and washed my hands. Making sure I looked presentable before I went back out, and deal with Cale's akward staring.

I made it back into the private area, and walked right past the group as if they did not exist. Cale smiled at me as I sat down, "This looks good." I mused digging into the veggies and hummus first. Cale dug in as well, finishing off the veggies. "Woah slow down there, I think if you eat this much- you will morph into a vegteable Cale." I joked, "You got the first step down, you don't need to finish the process." I added and he threw his head back in laughter over my sarcastic comments. "We don't need you to touch a veggie and have it turn you, like the 13th year disney channel movie where the kid touches water and poof- he's a merman." I explained and he shook his head, smiling. "Wait, is that the one we watched the second time we hanged out?" He questioned and I nodded,"Wow. Who would of thought there was a stark differance between American and Canadian childhoods...." I trailed off sipping my water. "I think if anybody had the weirder childhood it was you! Tellatubbies?" He cocked an eyebrow and I shook my head with fake disapointment. "Teletubbies." I corrected, "Don't come for the baby sun!" I fought back and he rolled his eyes playfully. "You don't realize what you were missing out on." I added and he playfully rolled his eyes again. "But on a serious note- what the hell is milk in a bag?" I exclaimed louder than I wanted to be. "Atleast we have Tim Hortons." he pointed out and I fake gagged. He gave a look of playful surprise, "Wait you mean Tim Thortons? Fat chance buddy, even though I hate Dunkin, it's still top tier over Thortons anyday." I joked and he laughed. "Maybe Dunkin tastes better in Boston than anywhere else, like Thortons in Canada tastes better than in Michigan." I pointed out, "Im giving it the benefit of the doubt." I added and he gave me a look of some sort. One I could not read, but I smiled back as he looked at me before eating some more of the falafel.

"Please tell me your family knows how to make falafel?" I quizzed as we ate our main dishes. He nodded, "Yeah, my grandma actually made it a point to teach all of before she passed. Never went a week without some sort of Greek food in the house." He explained and I smiled. "Okay, so I may or may not know how to make pierogis from scratch from my mom's side or or Shepherd's Pie from my dad's side..why don't we make some dishes from our family? I think that will really test our relationship...let's see if we can survive in the kitchen." I said playfully and he nodded, "Always up for a cook off." He said excitedly. "Oh it's on, Makar." I mused eating some of my rice. Cale looked past me, and without realizing it, somebody had walked up to our table. "HI! I just wanted to say hi, and introduce myself." A brunette said to me. "I'm Ashley, Nazems' wife. I wanted to say hi because I missed the chance to yesterday." She explained, and I could see the visible stress on Cale's face. "Oh, hi. I'm Eliza James." I introduced myself and shook her hand. "You're working for the team, right?" She inquired and I nodded hesitantly. Who was this chick? "That's Nazem.Devon, Kerry and Nate." She said pointing behind me, and when I looked back, I nodded before turning back to Cale. "Well it was nice meeting you. I hope that you two are able to work it out." She said the last part to Cale who nodded respectively. I saw his knuckles turning white, as she walked away. I looked down at my hands uncomfortably, before speaking. "What's going on between you and Nate?" I asked curiously. He shook his head, not wanting to repsond. "Cale, you can talk to me." I said trying to comfort him a bit as I grabbed his hand. He pulled his hand away from me, running his hand through his hair. "It can't be that bad, that you can't tell me." I said as nervous tears formed in my eyes. He wouldn't look at me, and I was getting upset. It made me think that what was going on about me, could it? "Is it about me?" I asked and his face shot up to meet mine simulatiously. "Yep, that confirms it." I said sitting back and taking a swig of my seltzer that I had barely touched. He sighed, "Yes, it is about you." He simpled stated. I set down my drink, and waited for him to continue. "If I am going to be working with you guys, there has to be constant open dialougue between us, ok?" I stated and he nodded, trying so hard to not meet my gaze. He crumbled.

"He said that he agreed with what Kerry said-" I cut him off, "So she has a name. Nice." I mused and allowed him to continue. "Yeah, Kerry is Devon's wife, my linemate on D. But Nate and I got into it today, he agreed that you had no future with me. He wanted to know if you could do anything or even have kids. And I went off on him, and he still didn't understand that just because you have an illness means you have no life. You are living proof of it. You have a successful job, friends, family and you have-" He paused before continuing, "You have me."He stated before smiling. I nodded sadly, "Well thankyou Cale, I appreciate you standing up for me but i've been dealing with it for my whole life. So even though I reacted the way I did yesterday that was not the first time." I paused, pushing some hair out of my face. "But I can't help but think and think about my future and how it may not involve kids Cale and I cannot in good conscious force that upon you. When I see you with Martha, my heart breaks because that might not ever be us." I paused again, drinking some more. Cale stared at me with longing eyes, one's of confusion and hurt. "You want kids cale, I know it. And yeah, there is a lot of shit I can't do but i've accepted it. I've made peace with it, most days usually. But you you have not, or atleast you have not thought about our future long enough. And as much as I love us being together, I don't want to force anyhting on you this early and have it be for nothing. I'd rather pull the plug now, than face it later." I finished biting my cheek, trying so hard not to cry. He shook his head, grabbing my hand. "Eliza, I have gone through every scenario in my mind this past month and each of them come back to you. I don't care if it's too early but when I say I want you in my life it's true. I know you aren't dating just to date me, you are dating me for a future and I am doing the exact same thing." He paused grabbing my other hand and pulling them together in his. "Hell with what anybody says, can we just see where this takes us? And in the end, I will respect whatever choices you decide to make but please just don't give up on us this early." He finished, almost pleading.

I sighed and nodded in defeat. He got me. We would survive another day.

"Besides, I knew our very first 'date' at the Greek restaurant that I wanted to be something more than just friends. Mel even brought it up today, and she's right. I was hooked then and there, when I spoke about you I felt such a intense pride in knowing you. How fierce and determined you are, despite any setbacks. Gabe had to pry it out of me, when I got your number because I couldn't stop smiling at my phone or checking it every two seconds. Even though I still do that, him and Mel just had an inkling about me and you. How in your speech, I couldn't look away that you mattered and your words mattered. Hell, I thought you were drop dead gorgeous when you walked past us as you walked in with your cane. And then when we had our first 'date' you couldn't stop laughing at my horrible jokes. Maybe you were being nice, but you didn't care how you looked in that moment and I thought- "Wow. You are so effortsly beautiful, charming, kind and down to earth and I'd be a fool to just be friends with you." So again, when I say Im in this for the long haul, it's real and I am being genuine. I want to show the world who you are. Inside and out. I want them to know and see it all." He finsihed, and happy tears brimmed my eyes. I took hold of his hand and smiled, my lips trembling. He had just said the words, I have wanted to hear for oh so long. He smiled, trying to read my face. If I was sad or happy. "Oh Cale." I said my voice cracking, "Thankyou." I smiled, and in that moment I knew. I knew I loved this boy, but it was oh so too early to say those words.

"Okay, now can we get out of here and just have it be the two of us?" I questioned and he nodded. About fifteen minutes later, we were back in the car. "Hey, do you wanna possibly go back to your place?" I questioned as we drove back through the square. He nodded, looking back at me making sure I was okay with it. I had never been there, so unerstandbly, he wanted to make sure I was positive.

He took my hand as we walked inside of his condo, and I stared out through the big windows, showcasing Denvers beauty. "wow." I said memsmorized, setting my bag down before walking over to the view. "That's gorgeous." I smiled, pulling my arms over my chest. He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. "Wow, your view is so different than mine." He joked, going after my height. "Hey now, it's not my fault I got the small genes." I mused, turning around in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling us closer. I softly smiled, staring into his eyes. He was everything I had always hoped for, obviously except for the professional athlete part but I could live with that.

"Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?" he questioned softly and I nodded, "You may have said that once or twice." I grinned. "Well, you do look beautiful tonight and always." he responded before kissing me. I leaned into the kiss, hoping for it to say everything that I could not form into words. He parted for a second, gazing down at me before pulling me in once again.

"Do you want to stay the night?" He said against my lips, causing me to part and giggle a bit before nodding. "Hmmm." I mused before reconeccting our lips again. He pulled me in closely, before I parted. "Let's go lover boy, we will never make it to bed." I mused pulling him towards the hallway hoping he'd show the way. "It's only 9 pm." He huffed walking us towards his room. "Who said anyhting about going to bed just yet." I grinned, as we walked into his bedroom. I looked past him and took in his dark,modern yet warm room. I turned around and walked back towards his bed, pulling his hand as I went. I playfully pushed him down at the edge of his bed, before positioning myself in between his legs. He rested his hands on the back of my thighs taking in my newfound confidence. I pushed some of his hair back, before pulling his head towards mine and kissing him.

"Thankyou for tonight. I had a great time, making fun of you and your little canadian childhood." I joked as I pulled away. "Hmm, did you now?" He questioned playfully, pulling me down on top of him. I jolted at the sudden movement, trying to find a comfortable position myself on top of him. We were face to face, our breaths in one another's faces. "Well, this is new." I said under my breath, causing him to laugh. "Is it now?" He joked, softly turning me over so I was underneath him. I nodded shyly, before he went in and kissed me.

"You know at this rate, I am never getting to bed." I playfully joked as we parted, causing him to shake his head with pink cheeks. "Well then, we need to change that, we don't need somebody waking up on the wrong side of the bed." He spat back playfully and I gawked my mouth open before slapping him on the chest. "Not nice dude."

—

@elizajames: another day another expresso :)

102 likes, 16 comments.

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@oliviajames: ouuu fancy fancy

@becca: aesthetically pleasing

@jessicajames: your house shoes look expensive

↳ @oliviajames: I think those are the ones she took from chicago..

↳ @jessicajames: yes!!! the drake hotel ones lol

↳ @becca: some nice slippers and bath robe

↳ @elizajames: dont expose me.

↳ @becca: @calemakar come get ur lady

↳ @elizajames: omg stop

↳ @calemakar: now i wanna know the sory behind this

↳ @jessicajames: cale?? omg yes lets tell him

↳ @oliviajames: 'lady' hmmm.....yes lets

↳ @elizajames: stop ! lol

↳ @calemakar: too late now, i need the run down...gotta go hid my slippers and robe

↳ @oliviajames: lol

↳ @jessicajames: already fitting in !

↳ @becca: gotta go hide mine brb

↳ @elizajames: I hate you all

↳ @calemakar: nah, you love us.

↳ @elizajames: we shall see about that

—

I hope you all enjoyed! Please like, reblog and if you want- make sure to follow to get more stories like this and others coming out soon !

also this is the last chapter of them going back and fourth about dating, it should be smooth sailings here on out..

#cale makar #cale makar blurb #cale makar fic #hockey #nhl #hockey fic #nhl blurb #colorado avalache #Gabriel landeksog #Nathan Mackinnon #romance #friendship #cale makar m series

14 notes · View notes

dumblemonchickenwing · 8 months

Text

vent. too much information

I remembered I had notes on my phone saved, where I wrote down my feelings about my ex. This feels wrong to do, but even now I find my feelings are being controlled by their past actions.

This whole thing just breaks me on various levels. Perhaps I was always supposed to only value platonic friendships, and what happened to me was my punishment for going into something new to me, and betraying my friend.

Today's addition:

I sort of felt something felt bad or off, and felt disoriented and confused, but now when I was making my bed, I thought to myself "I make my brother's bed every day too, and its considered a normal thing that should be taken for granted." And then I had a flashback to my ex's words and times with them.

I realized I felt like I was taken for granted, and everything I did. Obviously I did things Not for the sake of having something given to me in return. i started to feel that way after I got treated by them a 'certain way'. Despite me working hard for the relationship, I'd hear them lecture me and say how I "should work for relationship".

I listened to them when they vented. I was by their side when they were depressed and said hurtful or wrong things. I never judged them for their mental sicknesses. I proposed suggestions or said comforting words, even on times when they were unfair to me. I showed patience even on days when they accused me, doubted me, lashed out on me. I did what they wanted to do together. I did what they said was their need. I took time even when I was busy to comfort them. I didnt traumadump on them even when I had terrible things going on in my life because I knew they had their own stuff going on and that it would be unfair to them. I was not getting mad at them for struggling bc ..why would I? It would be unfair.

I did the activities they enjoyed, albeit I admit I was not the best watcher of streams and had my moments (esp when I was depressed or triggered by the content and behaved unexcited but didnt say what was wrong). I even waited for them when they were busy with.. gaming and school and other stuff.

And with all that, they would hint that Im doing something not good enough, and would keep on telling me "relationship is work". And yet Their part of work was them enjoying their life and not manipulating me.

When one time I tried to address how they were not very fair toward me, they, instead of hearing me out, replied by saying "Ive changed for you". Not "why do you think that way?" or "i want to listen to your point of view", but blatant "Hey, I know I was unfair and manipulative, but I have actually changed , and Your are problematic here, and frankly also you are ungrateful."

When They put what they called 'work", I believed them, I still do. And I was grateful for every littel crumb they left. But for them..

they'd say "Yeah, my needs are met so far, im satisifed". Not "Thank you for what you do, it must have been hard" or anything close to that. Just "My needs are met". Like I am a worker , and I should meet their standards (although, that was how I have been treated from the very beginning. Someone who must meet their standards)

When I addressed and said "I feel my efforts are taken for granted." I dont remember eveyr detail but I ll admit they did adk "How so?" But I was so confused and infuriated by years of mistreatment that I didnt react adequately at all. They then said "I think My efforts are taken for granted." And they couldnt bring a proper example, and said "for example, I ask you how you are doing".

_________________________________

Phone notes.

Written on 27 of July:

Blatanly manipulating me

Threatening me

Traumadumping on first days when we just met without asking my consent

Comparing traumas when you didn't bother to learn what i deal with Antagonizing me and making assumptions about me based on your feelings alone.

When I didn't even do anything for you to say all the sruff you said to my face . Treating me like I was a bonus to your life and not my own being Took for granted all the hell i ve gone through to be with you.

Took for granted that i spoke Your language when I had other whole first language. Used my physical struggle as a cute quirk Yelled at me and cursed at me when I was at my lowest and out of energy to be strong, and never apologized for any of it. Blamed it on me instead. Acted like I add to Your problems

Overall being so damn entitled to me, to my being, to my time, to my energy, to my feelings. Blatanly refused to change something I suggested, in your attitude,bc i needed it bc it deeply hurt and made me feel like i was nothing. Refused to listen and called my attempts to explain myself as arguing without trying to look into what i felt or tried to say. Ghosted me and gave cold treatment, acted unfair, and Then demanded My apology. Made sexual advances without asking my consent and instead of owning up to mistakes or respecting my space, guilt tripped me For Having Trauma Related Uncomfortableness - by bringing up your trauma . Demanded my attention when i had classes, yet Shouted at me or got Openly mad because of you needing to focus on school. Said "it's pointless to talk with you" "you shit on me(my boundaries)" to my face when I was just trying to speak bc I was deeply upset (and traumatized by all the things you had done to me.) Would get upset at me being myself, and would only calm down once i got crooked into doing and acting like you.

___________________________

Written on 23 of April:

I could and I've always been willing to show understanding and let many things slide. But I'm just so tired. I've been doing it toward them, many.many times. Hearing that bordeline accusative request ,"look at how it makes me feel, be nicer to me" feels like insult to the deep, big, injury. I Always looked at how things made them feel. I been giving in at every step. I've been making steps at hard times. And hearing them say that in a tone that implies I didn't work enough or like I was a jerk who didn't show understanding, arrives me at conclusion that they just.. didn't see it, or are insensitive toward our history. I gave in many times, I can't even count them. When they could make fun of me and turn away from me when i was struggling. And on top of that, they'd invalidate my personal problems and struggles by claiming I don't have them , just cause they feel like i don't have them. Oh, and also that time when they needed break from the stress they got from yelling at me. When something was off, they'd jump to accusations at me, would decide for me what my intentions were or who i was When something was off, they'd say to me hurtful things like "you can't be reasoned with", "i just can't with you", "it's pointless to talk with you" They didn't want to listen to my pleads about what hurts me, and when i asked from them to change something they'd said "I won't do it" And yet i was not allowed to leave because they'd threaten me or throw guilt tripping lines at me. And with all that, they claimed they loved me and even told me that its them who does the work and i dont appreciate it , which only added insult to the injury. The way they treated me throughout years, left huge stain on me . I can't even articulate or put my thoughts together when i have to speak about them. I had to attempt to rewrite explanations on how they made me feel, for 2 years, to make sense of it. This note was written after many many attempts. I hope it was consize and informative enough this time.

_______________

Little things:

One day, when they kept talking about politics, asked them to not talk politics bc I struggle with it and its hard for me. They said "okay"

On the next day, they messaged me with political stuff again.

It gets hard to type on mobile for me. my fingers struggle to move. So I use autofill or omit certain words and my way of writing looks a bit.. odd.

They started writing the same way when talking to me. Explained it by saying it looks cute and they find it quirky (?)

When I tried to talk seriously with them about what hurt me in our interactions, I struggle with finding words, so my way of wording what upset me sounds odd.

They immediately would use my own words to shift blame on me, even when the blame was misplaced. Stopped trying to articulte my hurts, because hurts to have my words stolen.

Had the courage to share something I dont tell peope because its a very deep mental issue I have that controls my well being and im ashamed of it. Confided in them about it once.

Saw them using my struggle in a joke them wrote where they self-deprecated. "Im just standing in the corridor bc I forgot something looking like a freak . I bet the ghosts are afraid of me". Saw that post in their blog right after I shared it.

Hurt pretty much, because that issue is very serious, and leads to me have [redacted] ideas just to ecape them. and they used it as a joke. and used it to make it about themselves. and to self-deprecate. when I actually cared about them.

#vent #tw too much information #oversharing #traumadumping #diary #toxic relationship tw

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octoberlaylow · 1 year

Text

I’m so sad. It’s literally just a number. Age is just a number. Phones, too, just have numbers. But she got that number, and it wasn’t from me, and now age isn’t a number and god, it just feels like everyone in my life is LEAVING me.

there’s literally no words to describe how I feel right now. Im a little happy, but mostly bittersweet. i feel sick inside. i hugged her on my way out the door, but I don’t think she wanted it. i could feel her recoil underneath me. and then the other, she’s out there living a whole other life I can’t even imagine, can’t be a part of, and I know she’ll be better without me. I know she never really needed me anyway.

“I got a girl’s number!” she texted me, and I could tell her blue eyes were vibrant with excitement.

I was here this whole time, I wanted to say. I thought I was the most important person in your life. you were mine. if you’re alive, the world spins.

But that’s not necessarily true, I suppose; people find their ways, I found my way, too. im surrounded by people. but the more people you have the more easy they’ll leave you. I wish I could go back to fourth grade, where I sat lonely at a table and liked it. rebecca was cutting herself and kira was swimming in a pool of depression, but somehow I was still so much better off than I am right now.

it’s just a number, but numbers matter. there are two more weeks of school left. two more weeks I have to sit through hours of classes.

there’s this one place I want to go. the backseat of my mom’s truck at 11:30 at night, watching the streetlamps pass by after a dance performance. bittersweet makeup running down my face. hair crusty and disheveled, eyes alight from the stage. you can gasp for air or take the ether, and I’ll take the ether over this. i wish I was watching the cars go past. i wish I was never born.

im surrounded by more people than I was five years ago, and yet I feel even more alone.

look. i know she’s going to leave me. they always do. it’s like we’ve switched roles. i think my mom is worried. i just want to leave. go home to a home I don’t belong to. sleep until the world explodes.

#writeblr #vent #tw self harm mention #i cant fucking take it anymore

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lucinx-moved · 5 years

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💩

#laila babblin #ill start addressing my tag filled thought spiral posts with emojis from now on as a warning ur welcome #i get so panicky when i have to make phone calls like #i always have a paper where ive literally written my name and my info and the reason why im calling bc i often just...forget #which is funny bc when i was in my last job i had to make maybe 4 calls a day to unknown people #but it wasnt too bad bc i was in Work Mode #but now im thinking about tomorrow and how i have to call and try to get myself to the doctors #and i dont know shit what im supposed to say like #hi im feeling very depressed bc of my thought spirals and i think im losing my mind a little bit pls help??#and btw one funny thing too: im a medical professional myself which makes this sound even more strange #dealing with sick people is literally what i do #but when me myself am sick im just running in circles not knowing what to do #im sorry being so negative lately i dont like this at all #i just feel very alone. and here i...dont. so much #so theres that #but ill get some help and maybe this will get better soon

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amethystpath-writes · 3 years

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Monsters and Legends

Don’t worry, it’s fluff :)

(NOT A PR0MPT)

Villain and hero need to stop a bigger villain by somehow acting as a couple, only for them to share a single room and a single bed (im grinning so hard rn) I giggled when I read this request:

******

The phone rang once, twice, three times.

“Why are you calling me?” Hero’s voice was a groan, one annoyed and filled with malice- or was it anxiousness?

Villain understood he was probably the last person Hero would want to hear from. Why would the bad guy of the city be calling her anyways, and how’d he find her number? Those were questions which Hero could ask later. For now- “I need your help,” Villain pleaded right away.

“You need my help?” Hero laughed brittlely on the other end of the line. That’s how Villain heard it, at least. “What makes you think I would ever help y-”

“Supervillain.”

The line went silent as the horror of such a simple name settled in. It wouldn’t matter to Hero how Supervillain’s name still existed- why it was still being muttered, unforgotten. All that meant was that Supervillain was still prevalent, which further meant something needed to be done.

“Is he still alive?”

Well, I suppose that’s a question I can answer for now. “Yes, that’s why I need you. I can’t vanquish him on my own, Hero.”

Yeah? What was Hero supposed to do about it? She wasn’t capable of fighting Supervillain, even if she fought him alongside Villain. The two of them together were still no match for such a beast, a mistake made by nature. Supervillain wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for his ill intentions.

“We beat him before, Hero,” Villain said after another long silence. “We can do it again.”

Hero said, “If we beat him before, then why is he back?” This wasn’t the first time Hero felt hopeless. Even before Supervillain, she had days where she was convinced Villain was unbeatable. She got past that part of her depression, obviously, but it didn’t mean that anxiety didn’t exist elsewhere- such as when it came to Supervillain. “Villain, I quit this business after the first round. I can’t…I can’t do it again.”

“I know.” Villain nodded, even knowing Hero wouldn’t see it on the phone pressed against her ear. “I know, and I get it.”

“If you did, you wouldn’t have called.”

Villain sighed. Maybe she was right, but… “You’re the only one I know who can pull this off.”

“Pull what off, Villain? What plan have you made up that you think might actually be enough? We killed Supervillain. We killed him, and yet you’re telling me that he’s alive? We can’t beat him.”

How could Villain say this? How did he portray this compliment without it sounding like an insult? “Where you lack in strength, you lead in intelligence. You- you’re able to think things out in a moment, whereas it takes me ages. You are so much more capable than you think you are and, believe it or not, I have always admired you.”

Right. Hero wasn’t so certain Villain was telling the truth. Sure, she was smart, and she could even admit that, but…intelligence couldn’t defeat an undead man. Even if it did, what made Villain say something kind to her? He would never spare a compliment to someone as poor as Hero; he wouldn’t spare an insult either. And anyways, who would admire an anxious mess? Not a villain, not by any means, right?

“Why do you need me? What has made you turn to a last resort?” Last resort, meaning asking anyone for help when Villain preferred to work alone.

Villain’s palms were sweating, his phone nearly sliding out of his hand the longer he remained on the line. “He wants my allegiance. Rejecting him would be a death sentence, and you know it. I don’t want to die. Not now. Not just yet. At the same time, I am not going to work for or with this guy.”

Hero was still failing to understand. “How do I fit into this,” she rephrased, “beyond you needing my intelligence?”

“Supervillain never knew you. He doesn’t know your face, your name, your priorities.”

“And?”

“And I told him I have a wife who insists on working with me.”

No. No, no, no. No. But she didn’t say this. “So, you are asking me to jeopardize my own life by appearing at your side as a fake wife who doesn’t know how to properly defend herself.”

“I could teach you, Hero. I’m trained. Strength means nothing if your opponent has technique. I can teach you,” Villain repeated, hands heating impossibly more. “Do this for me and I’ll- I’ll…”

Precisely. “There is nothing you can offer me, Villain.”

“If you don’t do this,” Villain returned, gripping his phone with white knuckles, and curled toes which dug into his carpeted floor, “everyone else will suffer for it. Yourself, included. I don’t know about you, but I think you’ve suffered enough.”

You don’t mean that, Hero wanted to say. You don’t mean anything nice that you’re saying. You’re just desperate. You know that I’ll do anything if it means someone will tell me they’re proud of me at the end of the day. She thought this of everyone- even herself, only she knew someone else was more likely to say they were proud of her than herself.

How did anyone ever call her a hero when she couldn’t even save her own mind from destroying itself?

Easy.

She was a villain to herself, and a hero to others.

“How do I know he’s alive? Am I supposed to take your word for it?”

Villain almost said yes, but he knew Hero would require proof. She didn’t trust herself, let alone anyone else in the world. “There is no evidence of him, but if you’d like to handcuff me every moment we are alone, then I suppose I will hand that to you as your security.”

Hero’s eyes widened. She didn’t have handcuffs; she was no officer, but for Villain to say that, and with such a serious tone…he wouldn’t say something so disadvantageous to him if he didn’t mean it- if it weren’t necessary to gain Hero’s assistance.

“What will it mean,” Hero asked, “to be your wife?”

***

“Supervillain paid for our room.”

Our room? Hero blinked hard before glancing around the hotel lobby. Well, it was beautiful, but Hero hardly had the brain capacity to think about that. “You said our room,” she commented, lips thin and an eyebrow quirked.

“We’re husband and wife.”

“We’re pretending to be husband and wife,” Hero said in a hush-hush tone, hand squeezing Villain’s for umph.

Even as she said it quietly, Villain scolded her lightly, “Lower your voice if you’re going to say things like that.” Villain began his trek to the elevator, arm extending behind him as Hero followed, hand still in his. As much as she hated this act, she sure did like to hold his hand, it seemed. Maybe it was her anxiety which told her any hand was a good hand, even if it were stained in life after life of blood and tears.

“I don’t want to share a room with you,” Hero whispered, so low that Villain wouldn’t have heard her fully had he not turned his ear towards her as they walked down the hall of the seventh floor. “How will I know you won’t take advantage of me?”

Right. No handcuffs. “You think I’d try to kill you after I called you and begged for your help?”

“It could be a trap,” Hero said, tugging her hand out of Villain’s, stopping in the middle of the hall.

“Maybe. But imagine if it isn’t a trap. Imagine you back out now, and the world goes extinct. What regrets would you have then? Surely, they wouldn’t be as bad as committing yourself to a trap, causing only yourself harm instead of billions.”

His tone wasn’t condescending, but it held such magnificence that Hero couldn’t help but cast her eyes downward and nod in silent guilt. Guilt because why couldn’t she have thought of such a scenario on her own? Was she selfish for being so afraid of Villain?

“You’re right.” Hero nodded. “You’re right and I’m sorry.”

Villain took her hand in his own again, softly, with fragile care. “You don’t need to apologize. Your nerves aren’t without reason. I’ll admit I’m not the most trustworthy man. I get it. Remember you are not jeopardizing yourself for me. You’re doing it for the world.”

***

The bed was comfortable- even with Villain laying by Hero’s side. Actually, Villain being by her side might have been what made it so comfortable. The blanket which the hotel provided was too warm, but the body heat which Villain radiated was just comfortable enough that Hero struggled to keep her distrusting eyes open.

“I don’t believe this,” Hero whispered in the dark of the room, expecting Villain to be fast asleep. Apparently, he slept as little as she did.

Villain rolled flat against the mattress before turning on his other side to face Hero, earning a light gasp of surprise from her. “About Supervillain?” he asked- suggesting that Supervillain was still alive.

After regaining a state of sanity, Hero mumbled that, yes, Supervillain being alive seemed unreal, but that wasn’t what she meant. She meant that she was laying next to a man who she both despised and was deathly frightened of, and yet she was comfortable with it- comfortable with his heat. It shouldn’t have meant much; it was only science at play, but it still irked her. Of course, Hero didn’t say any of this.

“It isn’t so bad sharing a bed, is it?” Villain yawned and did a little stretch with his arms, groaning as the skin and muscles of his torso stretched. “You have your side. I have mine.”

“Not so bad,” she agreed.

There was still a danger to it, Hero acknowledged. She was still side-by-side with a villain, still frightened by the thought of Villain silently reaching over the moment he heard Hero’s breathing slowing, pushing a knife against her sleeping body, and shiv her through without a thought. It was possible, and it was likely, wasn’t it?

“Have you thought about what you’ll do tomorrow?” Villain asked.

“Me?” Hero swallowed. “I…no, I haven’t thought about it.”

“That’s unlike you.”

Hero turned her head over her shoulder, finding Villain’s moonlight glinting eyes. “Asking someone for help is unlike you. What made you do it?”

“I couldn’t do it alone. I told you-”

“That’s not the truth. Well, it is, but it’s not the full truth.” Hero paused. “When have you ever admitted that you aren’t enough to accomplish a goal? You sought me out for my intelligence, but what else? You don’t ask for help, Villain. It’s not who you are.”

Silence followed, giving hero enough time to gather the courage it took to roll over, to face Villain with her whole body like he did with her before yawning.

“I’m scared,” Villain said, matter-of-factly. “I’m scared that when it is all over, then history will forget me for all the terrible things I’ve done.”

Confused, Hero asked, “Wasn’t the reason you chose the dark side because your crimes would be so extravagantly memorable?” This conversation wasn’t aiding Hero’s underlying fear of lying in bed with Villain. Still, she wanted answers.

“I realized I was wrong. If I don’t do something good for once, I’ll be remembered as a monster, and you see, I want to be remembered as a legend.” Villain drew in a deep breath, turning his head slightly away from Hero before exhaling. “There’s a difference between monsters and legends, I realized. Honour is legendary; Fear is monstrous. Having said that, there’s no fear in honour, so what’s the point in all those criminal activities except mindlessness and naivety? It’s not as fun or rewarding as I thought it’d be.”

“You stay awake and think at night like I do, don’t you?”

Villain nodded. Hero nodded.

Hero’s hand slid across the sheets until her fingertips touched Villain’s. Holding his hand was comforting when she considered they would be meeting Supervillain tomorrow- that Villain’s face would be the only familiar one, the only one she could trust even though she hardly even trusted it at all.

Hearing what Villain said now, in the deepest stage of the night…maybe he was worth trusting.

Maybe there was a good reason she was holding his hand.

And maybe there was a good reason she enjoyed the warmth that rolled off her body.

Maybe there was a reason beyond anxiousness and fear that made Hero’s heart beat a little faster than usual.

“Do you think we could both be legends?” Hero asked, to which Villain responded, with a tight squeeze of Hero’s hand:

“I do.”

It wasn’t the only time he would utter those words. Next time, Hero would be wearing a white gown, and Villain, a tux.

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imagines4thefandoms · 3 years

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Bucky Jr.

so i was planning on writing a small one shot based off of “Ive been watching you” by Rodney Atkins but it grew into a 5K+ imagine.

Takes place during/after endgame so don’t read if you haven’t seen it but it you haven’t are you living under a rock? all of the details based on the movie were written based off memory so if the dialog is a bit off its because i haven’t seen the movie in a while.

word count: 5k+ like i said i got carried away.

Bucky Barnes x reader, Steve x platonic! reader

y/n found out she was pregnant three months after they lost to thanos i think you can imagine how this story goes based off the ending of the movie and the song i based this story off of.

You honestly never thought that you could get Bucky after you found out that Thanos destroyed the stones. You did everything you could to try and get him back: going to the sanctum to see if there was a spell, pray, hell you even thought you would try to sell your soul. You even looked into the multiverse theory but nothing worked. Three months after half the universe turned to dust you found out that you were pregnant. The thought of having the baby without Bucky there, hurt.

Steve knew something was wrong when he hadn’t heard from you for a couple of days. He drove over to the house that you and Bucky had gotten. The only people who knew about the house was you, Bucky and Steve. And because Steve was Steve, he had gotten a spare key, so when he pulled up to the house he just walked right in.

Steve called out for you but you were too deep into your depression to hear him. You didn’t know that her was here til there was a knock on the bedroom door. You got out of bed so fast cause you thought that Bucky was back.

“Buck,” you asked opening the door.

Your smile fell when you saw that it was just Steve. You had forgotten that Steve knew about the house. Steve game you a soft smile because he knew how hard you were taking the loss. You left the door open and climbed back in into the bed. Steve walked over and sat by your feet.

“He’s not coming back is he,” you asked softly.

“I don’t think so,” he replied.

“I can’t do this without him Steve.”

“Do what?”

You reached into your night stand, grabbed the positive pregnancy test and handed it to Steve. He looked at the text then back at you.

“Did he know,” he asked placing the text on the nightstand.

“No. I didn’t know til last week. Steve I can’t do this alone.”

“(Y/n) you will not be doing it alone. I will be here for you,” he told you pulling the covers off. “Now come on. Time for you to get up.”

“No,” you said taking your pillow and covering your face with it.

“As godfather and favorite uncle it is my duty to get you to get out of bed.”

“Bold of you to assume you're the godfather,” you teased.

~five years later~

Ever since then Steve has been there for you every step go the way. He went to the doctor’s appointments, he helped you decorate the nursery, he even helped you pick the perfect name when you found out it was a boy: James Buchanan Barnes Jr.

Steve moved into the house, Bucky made sure that there was a spare room for Steve, to help you with the long nights after James was born. Every time he woke up to chance a dirty diaper, you would complain and tell him that you got it but he would reply with his same cheesy joke, “I’ve slept for 70 years.”

Steve was there for each step of James’ life. His first word: Steve, well it was te. His first steps, his first day of school. Steve even taught him how to ride a bike. He was like a dad to James, but he never took the role of dad. Every night before bed Steve would tell James stories of Bucky and growing up the two of you made sure that James knew about his father.

“Is daddy ever going to come back,” James asked Steve.

“I don’t think so,” Steve told James sadly.

“Mommy doesn’t talk about what happened to daddy. Can you tell me uncle te,” your son asked.

“Well you know how your parents and I are avengers?”

“Yea.”

“Well there was a bad guy that wanted to wipe out half the universe, so us and the rest of the avengers went to stop him. But we didn’t win so he wiped out half the universe and your daddy was one of those people who got wiped away.” Steve explained.

“Oh you mean the blip.”

“Yea.”

“I wish I met him,” James said pulling his covers up to his chin.

“Me too bud,” Steve tucking him in.

“Uncle te.”

“Yes buck,” Steve responded using the nick he called Buck. He only calls James that when you’re not around as to night hurt your feelings.

“Do you think daddy would like me?”

“I know your daddy would love you,” Steve assured him as he kissed if forehead.

James grabbed the photo of Bucky that you put of his nightstand and held it against his chest. Steve turned off the lights then left his room. Steve stopped when he saw you standing outside James’ room.

“He wanted to know,” he started to say ready to explain why he told James what he told him.

“He’s old enough to know. Im just glad you told him and not me. I would have broken down.”

Steve pulled you in to a hug. You pushed away from him and gave him a small smile letting him know that you appreciated the hug. Steve left to go to bed while you went to the living room and sat on the couch. You grabbed the photo book off the coffee table full of pictures of you and Bucky and just looked at them til you fell asleep.

The next morning you woke up from James pulling your eyelids open. Steve tried to stop him before he woke you up but he was a little too late.

“Sorry I tried to stop him,” Steve said handing you his coffee.

“But mommy had to wake up cause we are going to see Aunt Nat,” James said sitting down at the table eating his breakfast.

After finishing half the cup you got up and went to kiss James’ head. “Your right how silly of me to sleep.”

You finished the coffee and handed the empty up of Steve on your way to your room to get dressed. Going to your closet, you grabbed one of Bucky’s shirts and a pair of jeans. As soon as you finished getting ready for the day there was a little knock at the door.

“Mommy hurry up. I want to see Aunt Nat,”

You opened the door and ruffled his hair as you walked past him. “It that because she shows you all of the old weapons at the compound,” you asked as you grabbed the toast that Steve had made for you.

James stoped in his tracks and looked at you and Steve. “How did you know. It’s supposed to be a secret,” he asked.

“Thats because your mom knows everything,” Steve replied.

“Nu uh, Mommy what’s 12 x 12,” James asked crossing his hands over his chest and tilting his head a little.

“144,” you answered him.

James went over to Steve and held is hand out for Steve’s phone. He pulled it from his pocket and opened the calculator app. He checked your answer and looked up at you with shock and awe.

“Wow mommy does know everything,” he replied handing Steve back is phone.

After ten minutes and James running back to his room to grab his teddy bear Sarge, which he dressed to look like Bucky, the three of you left for the compound. While in the car, James wouldn’t sit still cause he was too excited to see Natasha.

“James, pleas stop kicking my seat,” You asked him.

“Im just too excited,” he replied using his hands to emphasize his statement. “Can we listen to the song?”

“What song it that buddy,” Steve asked looking to James in the rearview mirror.

“Mommy knows the song.”

Steve looked over at you from the driver seat and you smirked at him while grabbing your phone and finding the video. James quickly calmed down once he knew you were going to put the song on.

“Uncle te, you can sing it too,” He said hold Sarge tight in anticipation.

“I might not know the song,” Steve replied.

“Oh you know it,” you smirked.

The song started to play and James pretended to march in place while in his car seat.

Who’s strong and brave to save the American way

“Not all of use can storm a beach or drive a tank. But there is still a way for all of us can fight” James spoke.

Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day

“Series E defense bonds, each one you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy’s gun”

Who will complain door to door for America

Carry the flag shore to shore for America

From Hoboken to Spokane

The Star Spangled Man with a Plan

“How do you know that,” Steve asked James and you.

“Mommy found it. It’s my favorite,” James replied.

Steve looked over at you and just shook his head. You noticed how red his face was and you just turned it up a little. The entire ride James spoke Steve’s part. After the second go around James convinced Steve to do it with him.

You couldn’t tell who was more happy to see the compound James, to see Nat, or Steve, so you could stop playing his song. As soon as the car came to a stop James unbuckled and got out of the car. Natasha walked out of the compound and held her arms open for James.

“Aunt Nat,” James yelled running into her arms.

“Hey JJ.”

After they went inside you didn’t really see either til lunch time. And since you didn’t hear an explosion you didn’t worry. James was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while nat was talking with Carol, Okoye, Rocket, and Rhodey.

After everyone hung up nat teared up a little because of Clint and James noticed. He grabbed Sarge who was in the chair next to him and handed him to her. “Here Aunt Nat, Sarge makes me feel better when I am sad.” James then went back to eating his sandwich while Steve and Nat talked a little. Then you noticed that someone was at the gate.

“Is that Scott,” you asked.

“How old is that,” Steve asked.

“Its live.”

“James stay here,” you told him as the three of you ran to see if Scott was really back.

The four of you came back to the room and James just looked at confusion. Scott explained how he was here and his plan to get everyone back. You, Nat and Steve looked at each other while Scott sat next to James and ate Natasha’s peanut butter sandwich.

“Hi,” James said pushing a glass of milk to Scott.

“Hey,” Scott replied with a questioning look.

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes Jr.,” James introduced himself. “Wait are you Antman?”

“Yes I am.’

“You are so cool.”

“Thanks kid,” Scott thanked him and finished the sandwich. “I knew your dad.”

“Really, were you friends or did he try to beat you up when Hydra was hurting him?”

“Friends, well I helped him when he was in trouble,” Scott explained.

James nodded his head and thanked Scott for helping his dad, then continued to eat his sandwich. Scott finished his milk then walked over to you and motioned back to James.

“Cute kid.”

~time skip~

After the meeting with BruceHulk, you and Steve knew of the only person who might be able to help. James sat in the middle between you and Scott one the ride up to Tony’s cabin. The entire ride James and Scott were talking about Antman things. Once we got to the cabin James’ fascination with Scott disappeared. All he want to do was play with Morgan. He ran past Tony and gave Morgan a hug.

“Hi Morgan,” James said after their hug.

“James you came to play,” Morgan asked James nodded his head and they ran off to play.

“Hello to you too,” Tony called out to your son.

“Sorry. Hi uncle Tony,” James called out.

Steve, Nat, Scott and you talked to Tony and explained what the plan was. Tony didn’t agree with the plan and kept saying that it wouldn’t work. Morgan and James ran inside. Then Morgan ran back out to “save” Tony. He invited you to stay for lunch which you accepted and went in to see James helping pepper set up the table.

“Aunt pep, I need one more fork,” James said looking at the table counting the plates.

“Here,” she said holding one out for him.

He put the fork in its place and then ran to whisper something in Morgan’s ear. She agreed to whatever he said. They went into the kitchen and grabbed a towel and held it over their arms. James opened his mouth then closed it and went over to pepper. He tapped her leg and motioned for her to bend over so he could whisper in her ear. She whispered something back then came back to stand next to Morgan.

“Lunch will be ready in three minutes,” James said.

“Please wait to be seated,” Morgan stated.

They both came over to Steve and asked for his name. After he gave it name they check the “list” on Morgan’s hand and both nodded their heads.

“Right his way, Mr. Rodgers,” James said leading Steve to his seat.

They did this for everyone and then helped hand out the food to everyone. After lunch the kids played a little while longer but then it was time to leave. You had to figure out time travel without the help of Tony.

“Bye Morgan,” James said sadly.

“Bye James,” Morgan replied equally sad.

The entire time you guys where trying to perfect time travel James was standing next to Bruce wearing a lab coat that was too big and hold a clip board holding some of his drawings. You didn’t tell him why you guys were building a time machine because you didn’t want to get his hopes up.

After all the mishaps with Scott you walked over to James and asked for his scientific opinion on what you were doing wrong. He replied with ‘maybe the clock is broken’. Steve went outside for fresh air while you tried to help Bruce solve this. You were surprised when you saw Steve come back inside with not only his shield but also Tony.

“Let me guess, you were messing around and cracked time travel,” you asked throwing your hands in the air.

“Yes,” Tony said walking over to bruce.

“Wow, is that the shield,” James asked running over to Steve and ran his fingers on the vibranium disk. “Its beautiful.”

“Hold it,” Steve said handing it too James.

His eye lit up and he ran around pretending to be Captain America. After Tony explained how he cracked time travel the team split up to get more people to help with the mission. Tony got Rhodes, Nat got Clint, once rocket and Nebula got back to earth bruce and rocket went to get Thor. You called Pepper and asked her to watch James while you completed the mission and she agreed to so you and Steve brought him back to Tony’s cabin.

Once you pulled up you and Steve looked at each other and decided that now was the time to explain everything to him. Before he opened the door you told him that you needed to talk.

“Do you know why your staying with Morgan and aunt Pep for a couple hours,” you asked him.

“Cause you have a mission,” he asked.

“Yes but do you know what the mission is,” Steve asked him.

“No its top secret. Constitutional.”

“confidential,” you corrected him. “The mission is to bring back daddy and everyone who got blipped away,”

“Your going to save daddy,” James asked.

“Yes.”

“I want to help,” he exclaimed.

“I know you do bud but it's too dangerous. And we need you to be safe. Your dad would want you to be safe,” Steve stated to talk him down.

“Fine but you will call me right after.”

“Yes.”

“Ok, be safe and save daddy,” James said kissing you and Steve on the cheek before he got out of the car and ran too Morgan.

Pepper waved to you to let you know everything would be okay then you and Steve drove back to the compound. Once you two got back, everyone was in a room talking about the stones and when the best time to get them was. It was decided that New York 2012 would be the best time to get the mind, space and time stone, 2013 Asgard would be the best time to get the reality stone, and 2014 Space would be the best time to get the soul and power stone. The teams were Steve, bruce, Tony and Scott would go to 2012, Thor and rocket would get the reality stone, nebula and Rhodes would get the power, while you Clint and Natasha would get the soul stone.

Everyone suited up and we all wished everyone good luck on their missions to receive the stones. You were standing next to Steve and the next thing you knew you where on an alien planet in the year 2014. Rhodes enlarged the Guardians’ ship and flew team soul stone to vormir. There was a long hike to where the stone was supposed to be. The three of you climbed to the top of the twin mountains and where greeted by the Red Skull. It threw you for a loop but decided to focus on getting Bucky back then the head of hydra at least for now. He explained how we were to get the stone and it was along the lines of soul for a soul. So the three of you sat there in defeat.

“There has to be another way,” you said looking between the two former assassins who where having a whole conversation without talking.

“We have to get that stone. What ever it takes,” Nat said and Clint repeated ‘whatever it takes’

They both stood up and then looked confused at each other. Then you realized what their plan was. Nat was going to sacrifice herself for the stone and Clint was going to do the same.

“No way. That is not happening,” you told them.

“Its the only way,” Nat said walking over to you. “Tell JJ I love them. And get everyone back.”

Nat gave you a hug and an electric shock surged through your whole body. The amount of electricity that you got hit with knocked you out and you didn’t wake up it after you go the stone. You woke up next to Clint in some lake.

“No,” you cried when you saw the stone in his hand and Nat no where to be found.

The two of you took a second to gather your emotions then pressed your belt and went back to 2023. You came back to the platform where left on and just dropped to your knees. Steve came over and checked you for any wounds.

“She’s gone,” you cried as you wrapped your arms around him.

Everyone gave Tony the stones so he could build the gauntlet while you went out to the lake. One by one everyone showed up too. There was a small argument over whether or not we gaunt get Nat back with the stones but you and Clint knew you couldn’t. Steve walked over to you and sat down.

“How am I going to tell James that she’s gone,” you asked him.

“You won’t have to do it alone cause we are going to get Buck back and then all three of us will go tell him,” Steve said rubbing your back.

Everyone went back inside to prepare to bring everyone back. Thor really wanted to be the one to snap everyone back but it was decided that Bruce would do it. In his works, “its mostly gamma radiation. I was made to do this.” He put the gauntlet on and snapped his fingers. The power of the stones sort of burned his arms and you ripped the gauntlet off of him while Tony tried to help with the burns.

You couldn’t really tell that it worked but you heard birds. Lots of them. Then a phone started to ring and by the look on Clint’s face you were guessing it was his wife calling and so it worked. You looked at Steve and were about to tell him it worked when the whole compound blew up. The force knocked you out a bit and you woke up later next to Clint. You saw the gauntlet laying a couple feet away so you grabbed it cause there was no was a friend blew you up.

And you were right it turned out to be Thanos from 2014 because the nebula that came back want your nice nebula. You were trying to get out from all the rubble when you heard Steves painful groans. Of course Steve was facing the titan by himself. Once you could breath fresh air you looked out at the wasteland that was once the compound. You saw Steve get up and take a stand against Thanos alone. You were about to run to his side when you heard a faint voice on the comms.

“On your left,” you heard Sam say.

You never thought hearing Sam Wilson’s voice you make you cry but it did. Because if he was back so was Bucky. All around golden circles of sparks emerged and dozens of people stepped out. You made your way to take a stand against Thanos and out the corner of your eye you saw him. You fought the urge to run to him and never let him go. That could wait.

Thanos’s creepy alien army charged at us and we charged at them. You killed a bunch of the dog thingy and eventually found yourself next to Bucky. During a small window of peace you turned to him and jumped in his arms.

“Hey doll,” he said holding you tight.

“God I missed you Buck,” you cried.

“Sorry I was gone so long,” he replied pushing you back and pressing his lips firmly against yours. “You look gorgeous by the way.”

“There is something I really need to tell you Bucky.”

He pulled you close to him and then shot at some aliens behind you. “We are kinda in the middle of a war here doll. Tell me after we win.” He ran off to kill more aliens and you did the same. You were taking a hit but over the comms you heard a plan. To get the stones back before Thanos could use them again. So during the fight there was a game of Hot potato that was being played with the gauntlet. It work for a while but eventually Thanos got the stone. It happened so quickly. He was about to snap his fingers when Tony jumped on him. Thanos threw in aside then snapped his fingers. You closed your eyes to prepare for another loss but nothing happened. Then you looked over at Tony and saw that he had the stones. He snapped his finger and Thanos and the other aliens turned to dust.

You ran over to bucky and jumped in his arms again to celebrate the win but stopped when you noticed that Tony wasn’t getting up. Pepper and Peter when over to him. It didn’t look good. You noticed pepper crying and you knew that he didn’t make it. Everyone took a knee to honor him. The Steve, Thor, and Dr. Strange walked over and helped cover his body and retrieve the stones. You cried into Bucky’s then thought of James. Once Tony’s body was covered and the stones were safely put in a briefcase. You let go on Bucky and ran to Steve.

“James,” you cried.

Pepper walked over to you and you gave her a hug. She told you how Happy was with the kids. You felt bad for only thinking of James while your friend just died. Pepper looked at you and shook her head like she knew what you were thinking.

“Lets go,” Pepper said and you walked over to strange and asked him to do his portal to the cabin.

Bucky was right behind you completely confused on what you were doing. You looked at him and just smiled as you grabbed Steves hand then his and walked the the portal after Pepper. She ran inside but the three of you stayed outside.

“Bucky that thing I wanted to tell you,” you told him.

“I get it doll. Five years is a long time and you didn’t think I would come back,” he said looking at how you were still holding Steve’s hand.

You followed to where he was looking and stepped away from Steve. “No its not that,” you started to explain but were interpreted by James running out of the Cabin.

“Mommy,” he cried running to you. “Uncle Tony.”

“I know,” you dropped to your knees and hugged him.

You didn’t let go til he look over at Steve and he ran out of your arms into his. “Your okay,” James cried.

“Yes buddy. Just a little come cuts but I will be okay,” Steve replied.

You got up and looked over at Bucky was you could tell what he was thinking by the look in his eye. You went to go tell him he was wrong but heard James from behind you.

“You did it. Thats him right,” you son said wiping his tears away.

“Yea. Thats him,” Steve informed him.

James walked over to Bucky and just looked up at him. Bucky knelt down to meet the boy who he thought was yours and Steve’s kid.

“Hey,” Bucky said.

“Hi,” James replied looking at Buck’s face. “You’re taller than I imagined.”

“Yea,” Buck laughed. “Whats your name?”

“James Buchanan Barnes Jr. and this is Sarge,” James said showing Bucky his teddy.

Bucky looked at James then at you. “I thought…”

“You well you were never the sharpest tool,” you cut him off.

“Im glad I get to meet you dad,” James said wrapping his arms around Bucky.

“Me too.”

~time skip~

It has been a couple weeks since Tony and Nat’s funeral and James was taking Nat’s death better than you expected. You were pretty sure he was to busy getting to know Bucky to let her death get to him and you weren’t complaining.

“What happened to your arm. Mommy and uncle Te never told me that story,” James said poking Bucky’s metal arm.

“I lost it when I fell off a train,” Bucky explained.

“That was back in World War 2. How are you still alive? Did you crash a plane into water like uncle te?”

“No but I was frozen like him for a while.”

“When you were getting hurt by hydra.”

“Yes but now I'm all better.”

“Cool will you feel it if I punch your metal arm?”

“No.”

“Awesome. I want a metal arm.”

“Maybe for Christmas,” you replied laughing.

Steve came into the living room from the kitchen with drinks. James yelled something about doing something important and ran out of the room. The three of you sat in the living room and caught up. You told Bucky everything about James and Steve told y’all about his trip to return the stones. James came back into the living room ten minutes later with a huge smile on his face.

“What did you do,” you asked him.

“Nothing,” he replied.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other and just laughed. They mentioned how much James was like Bucky when he was a kid.

“Mommy can i’m hungry,” James told you as he sat next to Bucky.

You got up to go make his something to eat when you noticed black paint on the floor. You looked over at James and saw that his left hand was black with gold lines.

“James what did you do? And please tell me it comes off,” you asked.

James got up and took off his jacket to reveal that he painted his left arm black and gold to match Bucky’s

“Now I really match daddy, see. Same name and same arm,” he replied showing off the slightly wet arm.

You opened you mouth to yell about how there is paint on your floors and probably on the stairs too and how he ruined his clothes and possible the couch with the paint but just closed your mouth and shook your head.

“Now that you are back this is your problem,” you said walking into the kitchen to feet Bucky Jr.

“Did I do something wrong,” James asked looked between Bucky and Steve.

“No buddy, you just made a mess with the paint,” Bucky said pointing to the black paint on the floor.

“Oops,” He replied.

After eating and cleaning the paint, life started to normal. Steve staying til he found an apartment close by which James couldn’t understand why he was leaving. After Steve told him that he could come over and have guy night he decided that Steve could move out. And with Bucky back James basically pushed you aside and preferred his dad. Everything Bucky did James did. Everything Bucky ate James ate, even vegetables.

“James, I have been trying to get you to eat your vegetables for ever and now that your dad is here you love vegetables,” you asked when you saw him finish his carrots.

“No vegetables are gross but I want to be just like daddy and daddy eats vegetables,” he replied making a face over how gross he thought carrots where.

After he got in trouble for painting his arm James decided to do the next best thing and waste all the foil in the house to wrap is arm. You even caught his pretending to be Bucky while he was playing in the back yard.

“What,” Bucky said wrapping his arms around you are you watched James play.

“Red Skull I am the winter soldier and I am here to put an end to you and the rest of hydra,” James said pointing his toy gun and sarge who was wearing a red hat.

“He idolizes you,” you said resting your head against Buck’s shoulder.

“Jealous,” he asked kissing your neck.

“No just annoyed that he is a mini you.”

“Daddy come play,” James called.

Bucky walked outside and pulled you with him. James explain how Bucky would be on his team.

“We are stopping Sarge, he’s the red skull. And im you so you can be… Uncle Te.”

“What about me,” Steve asked waking into the back yard.

“You can be a bad guy with mommy cause she needs a partner,” James said placing Sarge’s red hat on you.

“Why am I the red skull,” you asked slightly offended.

“Cause you get mad a lot and look like him,” James stated like it was a known fact.

Bucky and Steve started laughing while you took the hat off and changed James around to get back at him.

“Daddy, mommy is crazy help me,” James yelled at the top of his lungs which caused Bucky and Steve to laugh more.

Bucky was too busy laughing so James stopped running and took of his jacket to reveal his foil arm and held it out.

“I am Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th infantry of the US army and I order you to stop chasing me,” he said and crossed his arms.

You stopped and just took in your son’s appearance. “Mommy you look really pretty,” James said with the same smirk Bucky gives you when he is trying to apologize or get himself out of trouble. Yea James was defiantly Bucky Jr.

#bucky x reader #steve x reader #avengers imagines #bucky imagine #endgame

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ruethedaytumbles · 2 years

Text

Inspecting the Helluva Boss 2022 Trailer: My Initial and Deeper thoughts P1!

I know this shit gets hard to keep attention, so I’ll try to keep it straight and to the point. Enjoy!

In general:

HOLY SHIT YES THIS IS MY FUCKING LIFE RIGHT HERE I CANT BELIEVE IT GUYS HELLUVA BOSS SEASON 2 IS GONNA BE FUCKING LIT BABY LETS GOOOOO

Now, let’s dive a little deeper into specific parts

First scene with Blitzo, Loona, and an Unknown Character (as far as I’m aware):

Initial thoughts: oh blitzo is gonna get fucking wasted

Deeper thoughts: Loona and Blitzos’ relationship as adoptive father and child have [seemingly] grown stronger bonds.

Loona is [probably] almost as helpless as Blitzo when it comes to crushing/love.

Blitzo apparently knows--and wants to get away--from whoever this unknown character is [and whoever they’re with]. They also apparently got off on the wrong foot. “Well, these people seem to know you! Come on! I think I wanna give this another try. Please~!”

They must also be at a bar, a party, or some place with drinks. “Okay, fine. Maybe one drink.”

okay why the fUCK DID I NOT KNOW BLITZO HAD THE SMALL BLACK HAIR THINGY ON HIS HEAD HUH????? IM JUST NOW SEEING IT WTF

Second scene with Stolas sitting alone:

Initial thoughts: look at this poor broken man. we’re on the same level bestie. depresso espresso all the way <3

Deeper thoughts: Stolas is definitely undergoing some deep thought. About what? Hell knows. I mean, look at the caption. “* Clock ticking *”

He is either is one of his mansion rooms, or some place quiet, in a very nice home. Look at the scenery.

The absence of anything out of the ordinary and the uncharted space only adds to the depressive atmosphere

At the end of scene (after the fourth new scene) we can see Stolas holding a hat in his hands. What relevance this hat has? I feel like I know, I simply can’t remember

Third scene with Human Loona spitting out her drink:

Initial thoughts: wtf was that flash was that verosika?????

Deeper thoughts: After slowing it down, we can see that it’s Human Loona

She appears to be outside a store of some sorts. It could be any kind of store, but it doesn’t appear to be big and it’s hard to make a guess.

Loona has a coffee (or some sort of drink.) Maybe a girly just needed a trip to Starbucks

She also appears to be spitting out the drink in surprise to something she saw on her phone. Something important or shocking must’ve occurred. What? Don’t ask me ;;

Fourth [new] scene with Blitzo and a Character’s legs:

Initial thoughts: uhm sir uh ima need some 6 FEET DUDE CORONAVIRUS

Deeper thoughts: Blitzo appears to stroking someone’s legs (very sexually, might I add)

From the way the legs curve and the supposed pointy hooves at the end, my first guess was that it was Moxxie

Perhaps Blitzo is back at his seduction acts again. Oh dear

(wtf why is it working on me guys uhm-)

After further inspection, I realize it is much more likely that he’s in Stolas’ lap

He appears to be in someone’s home. Who’s? I have no idea for sure. It could be M&M’s, it could be a human home, it could be a temporary stay place in I.M.P., or even a hotel. My best guess? Stolas’ place. It’s not out of character for them--at all.

More specifically, he seems to be in someone’s bedroom. There’s a large two-person bed in the corner, a vanity, and bed-side table. I can only assume Blitzo and this unidentified person are on a couch

If it truly is Stolas’ room, I wonder if Stolas and Stella still slept in the same bed (before the supposed divorce and split custody). Was this their shared room? A guest room? Or maybe even, Octavia’s room?

Fifth scene with Blitzo and Stolas:

Initial thoughts: mmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM STOLITZ MY DEARS

Deeper thoughts: At first, Blitzo seems incredibly desperate as he leans onto Stolas. Stolas only seeming more surprised or flustered

It makes sense that this is either the preview or continuation of what was the fourth scene. What I first assumed was a mark on the wall in the fourth scene seems much more to resemble a armrest on Stolas’ chair, it would explain why Blitzo is in someone’s lap, and they’re both portrayed on some sort of comfy couch-like chair

After Blitzo’s efforts, Stolas happily moves along giggling like a little fucking innocent fangirl I can’t even I-

What is the world could he possibly be so excited about that has Blitzo’s so . . . infuriated? Yeah, maybe sex, but it wouldn’t make sense. If he was just teasing him, wouldn’t that mean wanted it? Why would he be upset when he got it?

Sixth scene with Moxxie and an Unknown Character:

Initial thoughts: okay who is that person?????

Deeper thoughts: Moxxie and this unknown character appear to robbing something (supposedly money since Moxxie’s carrying a sack and some money just happens to fall out of it)

They must’ve been caught, there are sirens and red everywhere

They’re anxious (from their facial expressions). Is this because they don’t want to be caught, or is there something bigger at stake? Perhaps, this was an unauthorized mission, or maybe they were just wading in very dangerous waters

Moxxie’s face changes suddenly to shock at the end. Something must have happened in front of them

Seventh scene with Blitzo:

Initial thoughts: haha blitzo = squidward haha

Deeper thoughts: Blitzo is extremely stressed (or embarrassed) from the looks of things.

His “hair” is a lot more prominent. Is this his real hair? Fake hair? Horns? A wig? A wEAVE????

He doesn’t appear to be in his own apartment (unless it’s a lot bigger than previewed this season). He’s in someone else’s supposed living room. There is a drawer with panties sticking out of it, and drinks beside the vase by the couch (and something behind it i cant tell what it is).

Blitzo has a very specific “Dad aesthetic” outfit on rn

Eigth scene with two children:

Initial thoughts: BABY FIZZ BABY FIZZ BABY FIZZ BABY FIZZ

Deeper thoughts: These two strongly resemble Blitzo and Fizzarolli, so I can only assume it is their child counterparts (them as kids)

Is this a flashback? How long ago? How old are they? Do they sound the same?

It’s hard to tell whether or not Fizz has robotic limbs at this age, though I doubt it from the looks of things

The outfits they’re wearing compare and contrast in different ways. Neither of them have the heart crest on their foreheads, but that may be a matter of design choice since it’s only basic animatic. They have very similar collars, flowery-ish and a circle. Although Fizz’s is a jagged cape-like thing and Blitzo’s is much more resembling of a suit of some sort or casual men's wear

Fizz seems to be idolizing or admiring of something or someone. Blitzo’s doesn’t seem to show the same kind of reaction, more like a “yeah ill agree with you for your sake.” Although, Fizz does notice this and does seem put off by the reaction

Both seem to be walking through a looming hallway or an empty street of sorts

Ninth scene with Blitzo and Stolas again:

Initial thoughts: mad sussy bro

Deeper thoughts: They both seem to be on the bed. From how the bed looks, I’m assuming this is more continuation of the scenes we’ve seen previously.

Blitzo is looking at a book position right in the middle of the screen. Perhaps the “GrImOiRe” Stolas bitches about

Maybe Blitzo is proposing a deal, from how things look?

Tenth scene with Stella and Stolas:

Initial thoughts: ~~~somebody ‘boutta get a whoopin’~~~

Deeper thoughts: Stella seems upset again. I can only assume she caught Stolas with Blitzo yet again. She appears to be berating Stolas with a look of disgust.

Stolas looks absolutely wrecked. What happened to cause this?

IS STELLA TAKING OUR BELOVED OCTAVIA??? OUR OWLETTE????

They also appear to be in the same room as Blitzo and Stolas had been. Yet again, most likely another continuation of the same sequence of scenes

#idc if nobody sees this #i might turn it into a video anyway #this is a part 1 btw #there will be more parts its just late and my ass hurts because ive been sitting on it wrong while i did all this i-#get ready for dad blitzo guys #helluva boss #helluva boss theories #helluva boss blitzo #helluva boss loona #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss moxxie #helluva boss fizzarolli #helluva boss stella

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spencessmile · 3 years

Text

Page 143

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary - Spencer finds your journal.

Warnings - Depression, thoughts of suicide, self-harm, mentions of death, & angst.

Please know that you are NEVER alone. There are people who love you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT. I LOVE YOU.

Word Count - 1.3 K

And all imagines/fanfics/blurbs are written solely by me so please don't steal my work and/or post it without my consent. Feedback and Comments are welcome. Happy reading!

{Part 1 of 2}

Requests are CLOSED!

When you didn’t answer the door Spencer slid his spare key into the lock, turning the knob, closing the door, and setting the bag of food down on the table, as he switched on the lights.

“Y/n, you home? It’s Spencer,” Nothing. It was quiet.

Spencer knew you were having a rough couple of days so he decided to drop by bringing some rental movies and food; he knew you loved your cheesy rom coms and Thai takeout.

Spencer walked to your bedroom door, pushing it open as he noticed case files were spread across the floor. Your desk night lamp was on, with a half cup of black coffee sitting beside it.

In all the years that Spencer had known you, he definitely realized one thing about you quickly; you were messy. You were not an organized or neat person. You kept things all over the place and it was beyond Spencer’s comprehension, on how you ever found anything.

Spencer maneuvers his way through your mess, as he grasps your blinds, pushing them apart letting in the morning sun as it illuminates the dark colour scheme in the bedroom. He cracks open the window for a breeze.

Spencer sighs, looking around your room. Your go-to bag was stationed beside your bed, where it always is. Your work phone was sitting on your nightstand beside a glass, Spencer raised the glass and a strong dose of whiskey filled his nose. He noticed a pile of clothes besides your closet, which was most likely weeks of unwashed and dirty clothing.

Spencer dug his hand into his jacket pockets, as he stood amongst your disaster, he felt as if your room was staring back at him, yelling ‘clean me’.

Spencer knew you’d be super pissed at him for touching anything of yours. You liked your stuff messy; whether that be your desk space at work, your apartment, your room, or even your life. You didn’t like it when people picked at it.

Spencer couldn’t help it as he shuffled through your room, wrapping your case files and organizing them alphabetically. He grabbed your laundry basket, dropped all your clothes in as he dumped them into the washer, and added a little extra soap. He made his way to your kitchen, putting all your dishes in the dishwasher. Next, Spencer went to turn off your night light but accidentally knocked over a pile of books sitting next to your open laptop.

As he reached down to pick the books up, his eyes glanced over to a small leather book. He slowly reached for it, his hands meet a soft velvet texture. Spencer turned it over to read the words ‘This Is Who I Am’ written in cursive. His eyes moved to the right-hand side where your initials were carved.

This wasn’t a book.

It was your journal.

Spencer didn’t think much of it, he placed it on the side of the desk, reaching for the other books. Once Spencer collected your books, he placed them back on your desk, he quickly turned around but halted his steps as something fell making a loud thud noise. He noticed your journal on the floor again but this time it was opened.

Spencer reached down to pick it up, but he couldn’t help notice it was dated two days ago along with the time.

No, he shouldn’t.

He can’t possibly read what you’ve written in your journal. Those are your thoughts. Thoughts that belonged solely to you. That wasn’t anyone else’s business. Not even his; definitely not his.

He can’t do this.

He couldn’t do this to you.

But the longer Spencer stared at the journal, the urge to read it spread through his body. His eyes already read the first sentence.

The damage was done.

He looked over towards the door and then back down at the journal. He pulled out your chair, turned your nightline on, and began reading.

December 15, 2019 | 4:18 AM |

I can’t walk without wanting to fall apart. Im breaking. I can feel myself falling to pieces; all over again. Nothing is working. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t do this all over again. I barely made it out alive the first time around. I didn’t fight the last time; I was pulled out.

My mind is dark, cloudy and it’s always raining down on me. It’s a shitstorm up in there. I can feel myself slipping away from my own hands. I can’t grasp onto anything. I'm starting to feel blank, nothing. I can’t feel the hot water from the hour-long showers that burn at my skin. The boiling hot coffee when I over pour my cup. The rain when I stand outside as I let it drown me in my darkness. The warmth of some random strangers smiling as they pass me on the street. The morning sun that used to light up my insides, only makes me want to hideaway. Or even my own laughter when I pretend everything is okay for a split second.

I can’t breathe.

When I stand I can’t feel my own legs, I spend days on the floor. I lay there feeling lifeless, worthless, a burden to this world. I hate the person I see in the mirror.

I hate her. The problem is; no one hates me more than I hate myself.

She is a twisted dark person.

I have no control.

I’ve spent days and nights gripping the bottle tightly, sometimes it’s the only thing I look at. I opened it once, I dropped one into my palm and stared at it for what felt like years. I hate myself but I can never get myself to take it down. Why not? What twisted part of me still wants to live? To still be here? What is there to live for? Who is there to live for?

I’m drowning in the emptiness of nothing.

My job. My job. My job.

What the hell am I supposed to say when someone tells me I saved their life but I can barely keep mine intact. Do I say your welcome? Should I have wrapped my arm around them and held them tightly enough to make myself feel whole again? Instead, I smiled at them and said ‘you keep fighting, alright?’

I go out there and I do my job so damn well that no one knows what happens when I'm alone. But how much longer? How much longer before I crash and burn in front of them? Until they figure it out? Once they do, they'll try to help; no one can help me now. Who will they be trying to save? One of them is already on to me. I already get broken looks from them. I get sidelined and benched. They have no idea who’s dying behind that smiling face. But I love them, my God, do I love them. They are the only family I’ve ever had but I can’t tell them. I can’t drag them down with me. I love them so for my sake and theirs, im letting them go.

I stand in the line of fire without a fear. I don’t shake. I don’t tremble. I don’t blink.

Stand tall, without fear, without hate. Maybe next time I’ll do …

One less soul makes the earth a little bit lighter, right?

Spencer felt his eyes burn, the tears rolled down his cheeks.

No.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #bau #bau x y/n #bau x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds masterlist #spencessmiles fanfics

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daddynegandesires · 3 years

Text

Secrets chapter 3

Summary: ellies birthday and mothers day is coming up as emotions and pent up anger are spiraling between you, negan, and jack while more and more secrets begin to unfold.

18+

Warming: nsfw, fluff, kink, depression, abuse

Sorry for the late update on this chapter its kind of a short one ive just have been going through some personal things and havent found the motivation to finish this one yet.❤ i hope you all like it!❤

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You and negan haven't spoke in a few days ellies birthday is today and you have been busy decorating. Negan is suppose to be picking up the cake at the store. jack has returned back from his "business trip" withq an odd hickey on his neck that keeps gawking at you everytime you speak to him. You want to avoid conflict because you arent so innocent yourself after what happen with negan last time you saw him but thats just not who you are....you have to confront him but you also dont want to ruin ellies day infront of everyone.

"Hey jack, do you mind helping me with this streamer" you called out to him from the ladder

"Sure hun" he took the streamer from your hand taping it up to the wall

"Thank you.....uh negan should be here soon with her cake" you said folding up the step ladder

"I could of went and grabbed it" he scoffs

"I uh..well sorry i didnt know it was a big deal" you try to laugh it off politely

"Dont even worry about it...." He walks past you ramming his ahoulder into you heading outside

Negan had arrive with the cake and so did a few of ellies friends and your mother. You and your mothers relationship really has never been that great but you try to make peace with it for ellies sake. Negan came in with a huge gift box all wrapped in pink with a bow.

" i thought we agreed nothing crazy" you whispered to him

"Whaat...can i not spoil my girl" negan grins at you

Ellie runs out of her room her eyes light up at the size of the gift her dad got her.

"Mommy look at this...its humongo!" She says messing with the bow

"I see honey..dont mess with it yet" you giggle

"Where is your boy toy.." His tongue slides across his bottom lip

You kept silent while negan stared you down waiting for a response but nothing came out his eyes were burning a hole through you he always knew when shit was up.

"Ah i see....the silent treatment" folding his arms

Negan walks off to go play with ellie and say hello to a few people when your mother walks up to you.

"Hey mom..." You say emotionless

"What is negan doing here.." She asks

"Mom...please dont. Thats ellies dad. I told you we are trying to work on things for ellies sake" you say annoyed.

"Well...once a cheater always a cheater. Im just saying" as she sips on her cup of wine walking away

A few hours have passed and ellie got to blow out her candles and eat cake. Jack still hasnt said much to you throughout the whole party and its more than obvious that negan is starting to catch on im just hoping he doesn't notice the hicky on his neck. Ellie has been bugging you about negans gift so you were going to let her open it.

"Ellie open it up over here sweetie so everyone can see" you say smiling

Ellie quikly rips the hot pink rapping paper off and squeals in excitement as she realizes its a electric scooter that she has been wanting. Negan was standing by your side with his hand sneakily rested on your lower back with a huge smile on his face.

"Oh my god you got me that scooter!!" Ellie begins jumping up and down

"Negan....those cost alot" you whispered in his ear

"dont worry about it....i got it taken car of" he says sternly

"Lets take it outside!!" Negans runs over and picks it up in excitment with all of the kids following him outside to ride on the scooter. You were throwing away dirty plates when jack came up to you

"So you want to explain why you and negan have been so close" he quietly says to you

You instantly start to burn with rage as he asks you that knowing he has been keeping things from you too and the fact his assistant melissa has been speaking to him inappropriately. You were holing the knife in your hand for cutting the cake reminding you of the incident that happened between you and negan once you found out he was cheating. you froze and gripped tightly on the knife thinking of how to approach this.

"You're a fucking whore..." He spat at you

"Jack.....get the fuck away from me" you quietly say

"Yeah i bet thats what you want.....so he can fuck you" he says through gritted teeth

"Its. Ellies. Birthday.....fucking knock it off we can settle this later" you slowly set the knife down unclenching your fist

Jack stands there glaring at you with his jaw clecnhed before giving up and walking away. You let out a sigh of relief and pour yourself a glass of wine. You take a sip closing your eyes feeling like everything is going in slomotion in that moment when you here yelling outside and notice its negan and jack. You drop your glass spilling your wine everywhere running outside.

"Back the fuck off man!" Jack yells with his fist balled up

"Ohh...you really want to go there dude..." Negan laughs

"You are fucking (y/n) and i know it!" Jack lunges towards him throwing a punch hitting negan in the face making him stumble

Negan catches his balace reaching up to his face touching where jack punched him in the mouth realizing he is bleeding negan licks the blood off his lips and lets out a sinister almost scary deep chuckle.

"Oh...you fucked up." Negan lunges towards jack football tackling him to the ground he starts punching jack over and over again blood all over his fists

"Negan!!!...no! Stop!" You rush over trying to pry negan off of jack

"Negan stop for ellie please!" You begin to cry struggling to finally get him off causing you to fall backwards with negan on you

"You are a dead fucking man!....now get the fuck off my property..." Negan threats

You push negan off to go check on jack you try to get jack to respond to you and see if he is okay but he just spits in your face shoving you away causing you to fall before you know it negan charges back over and starts beating the shit out of him all you can do is scream at them and cry. Through tear filled eyes you notice the cops rushing up the street pulling into the drive way the last thing you remember is the cops pulling negan off and everything went black.

---------------------------------------------

Jack and negan were both arrested but were soon let go apparently i had fainted due to stress and dehydration they kept me in the hospital until i was better. You kicked jack out of the house and you haven't spoke to negan since ellies birthday. Things have been rough being alone for ahwile and ellie was getting upset about not seeing her dad.

Text from negan:

Hey....im coming by

You looked at your phone to see a text from negan but you just ignored it and continued to cook some food for ellie. There was a knock at the door you sighed annoyingly before unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door to negans innocent brown eyes staring back at you. before you could give him a chance to speak you shut the door in his face but he quickly caught it in time with his foot in the doorway before it closed.

"Negan...ellie should be home. She is still upset" you sigh

"Thats okay i want to make it up to you two" he says pushing the door open coming inside

You just stand there silent with your arms crossed untill you hear ellies bus coming down the road and before you know it she busts through the door yelling.

"Mommmyyyy! Happy mothers dayzz!" Ellies runs up to you handing you a picture she made at school

"Awe...thank you sweet heart its gorgeous" you took the pink paper from her smiling and when to hang it on the fridge

"Look i want to take you two out to dinner...its mothers day and you deserve it..look i know i fucked up but that asshole had it coming" negan says

"Negan dont.....go ask Ellie she is the real one you need to be apologizing to not me" you stare at the ground avoiding eye contact.

"Ohh ellie daddy wants to talk to you!" He walks off to her room

-----------------------------------------------

You, negan, and ellie were all out at dinner at your favorite steakhouse enjoying your meal when the waiter brought a bottle of wine

"Negan....i cant afford that" you quietly say

"Ah ah....you deserve it i mean you are the best mom ever" he winks at you popping the lid off pouring wine into your glass

"Thanks..." You shyly say before taking a sip

"So.....the school fired me" negan cleared his throat

You choked on your drink hearing the words that had just came out of negans mouth

"What?..how come" you say wipping wine off your chin

"Well....they dont want me as a coach anymore since what happened at ellies birthday. They say its wildly inappropriate and against policy to still have me there" he bites in his steak

"What are you going to do..." You ask worried

"Ohhh no biggie i always have things taken care of" he smiles at you

"If you need anything im here..." You look up at him

" i know....thank you" he reaches across the table holding your hand

The three of you finish up dinner afterwards you all go for a late walk through the park. It felt nice to get out and have some fresh air after what happended at the party. Your phone kept buzzing off the hook of texts from jack you kept trying to hide it from negan to not let him worry. You felt bad hiding it from negan but you knew it would start a fight but you also didnt want to let jack go without some talking. Negan took you and ellie back home ellie ran inside and got ready for bed.

"I know he is talking to you..." Negan says sternly while placing one hand against the wall beside your head

"Negan....can we not talk about this right now" you say turning your head away from him

"No!...you will look at me when im speaking to you" negan grabs ahold of your chin forcing you to look at him

"Yes....yes im still talking to him.." You say embarassed

"Why....he is such a load of whoreshit....im standing right infront of you (y/n)...im here now! Take me back please. Im an honest man now!" Negan growls

" get...off of me!" You scream and shove him away from you and begin to walk angrily down the road

"(Y/n) get back here now!...where the fuck do you think you are going!" Negan trys to catch up with you when it suddenly starts raining

"Negan stop trying so hard!...this is going nowhere!" You say crying

"Why do you keep saying that!...i want this to work!" Negan finally catches up to you grabbing you by the arm spinning you around

"......well i dont..." You choked on those words as they slipped out of your mouth it felt like your heart had just stopped for a split second it killed you to say that to negan but it had to be done

"You....dont want this." He said quietly and upset with rain drops running down his perfect face

"Negan....i.... I cant. You have to let me go" you say caressing his face" you said giving him a half smile with a single tear rolling down your cheek

"W....what about ellie.....thats my babygirl" Negan begans to tear up pulling you into a hug

"You can still be in ellies life.....i start therapy next tuesday" you say ending the hug

"You can talk to me (y/n)" negan sniffles

"There are just things that just feel easier letting out to a stranger sometimes..."

"I love you....." Negan says bresthlessly

"....i love you too but from a distance.....i have boundaries set now negan"

You and negan began to walk back to the house getting inside you hand him a towel to dry himself off. Negan follows you to the bedroom.

"There are still some of your clothes in the closet...." You say facing away from him

"You still have some of my old clothes here...." Negan opens the door seeing his shirts still hanging in the same spot before he moved out

"I didnt know if you still wanted them or not..." You say nervously

"Its okay. Thank you" negan takes off his soaking wet shirt switching it out with an old faded band shirt

"You can sleep on the couch if you would like..." You offer him

"You sure you are going to be okay with that?" He raises an eyebrow at you

"Yeah....plus its been lonely here just me and ellie" you chuckle handing him a blanket

Negan takes the blanket from you before turing around to open the bedroom door to leave. As soon as the door shut you quietly sobbed making sure it wasnt loud enough for negan to hear. You wiped your tears away before getting yourself ready for bed. You tossed and turned for most of the night your head filled with unnecessary thoughts and cenarios. You just wanted all of this pain to go away you dont know what you are doing with yourself anymore the only thing that keeps you holding on is ellie and negan.

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#negan imagine #negan x reader #negan x you #negan fanfic #negan #jeffrey dean morgan

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capaimagines · 3 years

Text

im changkyun - i’ll always be there

Pairing: Im Changkyun x Reader | Genre: angst & fluff | Warnings: anxiety/panic attack, mentions of depression, self-depreciating thoughts, mild self-harm (unintentional) | WC: 2.0k

Request: Hi loves! Can I please request a changkyun fic where the reader suffers from serious anxiety and depression and she tries really hard for him to go out and she does but breaks down and has a panic attack and he doesn't know what to do because he is unaware of her condition

Changkyun knew that you were more of homebody. He’d known that since you were kids. The two of you had been friends since you were little. Your mom’s were best friends which meant most of his weekends were spent being dragged to yours to play while your mom’s chatted and did their thing.

Changkyun was always more adventurous than you, he enjoyed exploring and meeting new people. You could never understand how two people who were polar opposites could get along but it worked for you two. However, Changkyun wasn’t aware of just how bad your anxiety about going out was, or more importantly, how low you have been feeling recently.

He knew you really struggled with your emotions and he always did his best to pick you up and be there for you. When you had been offered the perfect job; working from home and only having to go into the office for large meetings every so often, you were ecstatic. Though that meant you had to move to the city. You were ready to turn the opportunity down until Changkyun, like he always did, came to be your knight in shining armor.

So the two of you moved out and lived together. You felt guilty for taking him away from all his friends and family, but he always assured you over and over again that he was fine and this was a new adventure for him also. He did well living in the city, he was able to land a job as producer for a large company and while there were nights where he didn’t come home, he truly seemed to be enjoying himself.

However, you were struggling. A terrible downside of being too nervous to leave the comfort of your apartment always led to your depression coming back. You would manage small walks here and there to try and get out and soak in the sun, but you would quickly return home mid panic attack.

Changkyun wasn’t too aware of all this. He had been working later and later recently and he had barely been home all week. You were spiraling into the black abyss and you couldn’t pull yourself out. You could at least manage to shower and seem normal when Changkyun was home, but the moment he left, you were stuck alone with your thoughts.

Your head was constantly telling you that no one would want you as a friend. That Changkyun was just taking pity on you, he was tired of you or you were too plain, too boring. You deserved to be alone and you were starting to believe that was your destiny. To be alone with no one around. To live in the dark hole for the rest of your life.

You snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of your phone ringing. You couldn’t even muster up the energy to smile at Changkyun’s name.

“Y/N?” You hadn’t even realized you picked it up.

“O-oh. Changkyun-ah,” If he noticed how tired you sounded he didn’t say anything.

“Hey, my friends would really like to meet you. We’re supposed to be getting dinner in a few hours and they asked me to invite you. Can you come? Please? It’d be nice to get you out of the apartment and I promise you it will be fun!” Inwardly you were already starting to panic. Saying no to Changkyun was something you always had trouble with.

“Okay,” You mustered out and Changkyun promised to pick you up in a few hours. You shakily stood on your legs and gave yourself a cold shower. You had hoped it would knock the anxiety bubbling up but it didn’t. You didn’t know how you were going to make it through a meal with strangers, but you didn’t want to embarrass Changkyun either.

You already embarrass him.

His friends are going to think you’re weird.

You don’t deserve a friend like Changkyun.

You sighed, shaking your head. You had to do this for him, he never asked you for much. This wasn’t anything big. He simply just wanted you to meet his friends. Two hours later you were sitting on the couch in the best clothes you owned, leg bouncing up at down. You were squeezing your hands together in hopes to quell the anxiety. Though It was no use.

The minute Changkyun walked in and called your name you felt your heart rate spike. You didn’t know if you could do this, but there your best friend stood, in his skinny jeans and t-shirt with a large smile on his face. You couldn’t let him down. You always let him down.

“You okay?” He questioned which you blinked at him and offered what you hoped was a happy smile and nodded slightly.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine. Let’s go!”

You hooked your arm in his and he smiled brightly down at you before leading you to the car. The whole way to the restaurant Changkyun was talking about something that you didn’t catch a word of. Your eyes were trained on the windshield, heart pounding in your chest. You felt warm, too warm. You felt lightheaded and like you couldn’t breathe.

“P-pull over,” You stuttered

“What?” Changkyun asked confusedly.

“Changkyun, please,” You pleaded, “ I-I need you to pull over.”

You felt like you were going to vomit. It felt all too small and crowded in the car. There wasn’t enough air. Changkyun pulled over, worried. Encasing his features as you stumbled out of the car as you leaned against the brick wall of whatever building was in front of you. Your breathing was erratic, the cold air was doing nothing to quell what felt like fire on your skin. You were dizzy, the world was spinning.

You slid down, placing your back against the cool bricks and trying to control your breathing, trying to feel anything but the pins and needles in your fingertips. Your legs felt numb. There were too many people walking around, too many people staring at you. You started gasping for air, fingernails digging into your forearm. You didn’t feel the sting when they broke the skin.

“Y/N! Hey! Y/N!” You knew that was Changkyun’s voice, but it sounded so panicked. He sounded scared, worried. You could feel a warmth grab your hands and you looked down trying to find the source. Changkyun was holding your hands in his, pulling them away from your arm. You noticed the little specks of blood on your forearm. When did that happen?

“Y/N!” Changkyun raised his voice slightly, “I need you to look at me!” You felt his calloused hands roughly grab at your chin and through your gazed look you could make out Changkyun’s worried orbs.

“C-Changkyun?” You stuttered weakly. It felt a little easier to breathe.

“It’s me honey. L-let’s get you home, okay? ”You somehow managed to nod and he pulled you up as you leaned all your weight against him. You were mentally and physically drained.

He sat you in the car and ran around, turning back towards your home. He didn’t say anything, but you could hear how his fingers were drumming on the steering wheel. You felt guilty. Extremely guilty. All he wanted from you was to have one meal with his friends and you couldn’t even make it there. You don’t deserve him. You hold him back from so much. He left everything for you and you can’t even go out for a meal with him.

You let your thoughts take over, falling deeper and deeper into the darkness clouding you. You hadn’t even noticed you were back at your apartment building until Changkyun lightly grabbed your arm. His eyes scanned yours for what felt like hours but was only a few seconds. He was trying to find answers, trying to understand what had just happened.

You shakily followed him back into your apartment and went straight to your room. You collapsed on your bed, curling into the fetal position with a plushy he had won you at some stupid carnival when you were teenagers in between you. You let the tears fall, hating yourself for how pathetic you had become. Your thoughts were right. Changkyun would be much better off without you.

You hadn’t heard him walk in or feel him sit down on the bed next to your feet. He was watching you, observing you. When had the circles under your eyes become so big and dark? Why did it look like you had lost more weight? Had he been so busy he didn’t even notice how bad his best friend was hurting? How much you needed him?

“Y/N,” He murmured and your breath hitched. You sat up, throwing your arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder.

“I’m so s-s-sorry, Kyun. I’m so s-sorry! I-I can’t do anything! I can’t e-even go out f-f-for a proper meal w-with you! I’m such a waste of a human!” His eyes were wide as you blabbered on about how you were a terrible person and friend.

How you sobbed about how sorry you were for holding him back, for making him feel like he needs to stay here with you. He pulled you away from his shoulder, tears and snot running down your face as he just stared at you. You continued to sob and he gently started wiping tears away and cleaning your nose with the tissues by your bed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was low and you were surprised you heard it over your cries.

“There was nothing to tell. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. You should go meet your friends,” Whatever emotions that had just exploded out of you were now gone. Now you just sounded empty, felt empty. You were tired and you just wanted to sleep. You pulled away from his grasp and laid down, staring at the wall in front of you.

“Are you fucking joking me?” He replied back harshly.

You winced a little at his harsh tone. You’d only seen him angry a handful of times but it was never directed at you, “You think I’m just going to go see my friends when you’re feeling like this? Are you stupid?” He was kneeling in front of you now, in your line of vision. You couldn’t say anything. You were too tired now.

“You’re my best fucking friend, L/N Y/N. I am not leaving you. I’m here. I’m always here,” His voice was low again, but desperate. He needed you to know that he was there for you, always. That you are one of the most important people in his life, if not, the most important, “You do not hold me back. You aren’t a shitty friend.”

He made sure you were listening to him, hearing him.

“You’re one of the best people in my life. You always have been. You make me laugh. You always make sure there’s food waiting for me whether I come home or not. You do my laundry because you know that I’ll shrink it. You text me every day and scold me to eat and drink water. You have food delivered to my studio,” He continued to ramble.

You felt a new wave of tears sting your eyes, “You,” He grabbed your hand with one of his and squeezed it tight, “You are my person. My best friend. I am always here. When you’re sad, when you’re mad, when you feel nothing. I’m here. I’ll always be here Y/N,” You squeezed his hand back with as much strength as you could muster. He smiled. He knew you were too tired to speak but he knew you heard him.

“Now scooch over. We’re watching your favorite movie, I’ll order us some takeout and we’re going to cuddle until I see a genuine smile on your face, dammit,” You let out a small chuckle and moved over. He smiled weakly down at you before crawling next to you and pulling your head to his chest. This was your best friend. This was your person. You couldn’t let yourself doubt that, ever.

“I’ll always be there,” He murmured as you closed your eyes.

#monsta x #monsta x fluff #monsta x angst #monsta x imagines #monsta x x reader #monsta x im #IM #im changkyun #im changkyun angst #im changkyun fluff #monsta x changkyun #shownu #jooheon #hyungwon #kihyun #minhyuk

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yanderebtsstorytime · 3 years

Note

Can I please request yandere jin where he is like a nerd at school and nobody really notices him until the reader does, so he become real clingy with the reader🥴🤙

The Nerd And His Queen

HighSchool was always hard. Weather it was from the homework, your classes, or the social standing you’re put in, it’s hard. That was no different for Jin, a young man who was just trying to get by with everyone passing his way not realizing he was a class mate.

And that was no difference for (Y/n), a young girl whom everyone seemed to know and like. They were so different, and never would have really even been thought to cross paths. But here they were sitting together in chemistry.

“You’re Seokjin, right?,” She ask with a soft smile. He looks over to her and his eyes are big for a second, before he removes his pencil from his mouth.

“Uh! Um yeah, that’s me,” He says and she smile nodding, “Want to be partners for the projects?,” She ask and he nods, “Yeah...if you really want to,” He says offer a slight smile. “Okay! Here, here’s my number, class is almost over so we should hangout after school and get started,” She says writing her number on his note book.

Just then the bell rings, and she stands putting her backpack on, “Remember, message me and we’ll start today!,” She says with a smile before she walks out of the class. Jin just sits there for a second looking at the notebook before, he packs his things up and leaves.

‘What if it’s a trap... is she’s gonna make a joke out of me’ he thinks as he sits on his bed having just gotten out of the shower. The number was already typed into his phone, but he wasn’t sure he should send a message.

“Fuck it,” He says out load as he starts to type out his message. He sends it without looking, and within sends of his sending it there’s a ding, telling him someone has replied.

(Y/n)- JIN, I hope you don’t mind if I call you that. BUT JIN YOU FINALLY MESSAGED ME, I didn’t take you for a busy guy after school. What did you do after school?

Jin- Sure, I don’t mind. I work at my dads company after school, so I don’t really have time for after school stuff on the weekdays, except Friday.

(Y/n)- Ah okay, that’s pretty cool! So would you be okay to hangout and work on the project this Friday then?

Jin- Yeah that’s okay.

(Y/n)- Okay, hey can I get a picture of you for your contact photo?

Jin- um sure, one sec

He moves quickly from his bed to throw on a hoobie to cover up his bare chest before he takes a deep breath, and takes a pose snapping a few pictures.

Jin- Here you go

He watches the three small dots on the screen tell him you’re typing. His heart starts to pick up pace a little as he waits, “Why am I so worried,” He ask before his phone dings.

(Y/n)- Oh~ that hoodie looks comfy. Thank you so much here’s one for me. I’ll leave you alone for the night. See you in class tomorrow, and sweet dreams!

-Image attached

Jin looked down at the photo of her and he smiles slightly at seeing the small grey bags under her eyes. “She must have taken off some makeup, she normally looks so well rested,” He says as he puts it as her ID photo.

“Jin, what is this?,” She ask as she leans over and points at a question on her paper, “It’s a chemical imbalance,” He says, “Yeah, but why... everything looks fine,” She says and he chuckles, “No, here watch,” He says as he starts to explain the answer, and show her how to figure everything out.

“How are you this smart man,” She says with a grumpy face, “I thought chemistry was supposed to be easy!,” She says, “It’s okay, not everyone understands it,” He says with a smile, “Guess that means you’re not like everyone then,” She says and his face turns red for a second causing her to giggle.

“Want to hangout after school today and finish the project? That is if you have time,” She ask, and he nods, “Yeah, we can go to my house after school if that’s okay,” He says and she nods.

“Let’s go there, I’m a bit hungry, aren’t you?,” She ask as her and Jin walk side by side down the street away from the school yard, “Yeah, I could go for a bite,” He says and they start their walk towards the small café just insight of the school.

Once they get their they make their wa towards the front, “Hi could I get one Vanilla bean Frappe, with two shots of hazelnut, and a chocolate drizzle. As well as a chocolate muffin, and a chicken sandwich. Oh and whatever he wants,” She says stepping aside allowing Jin to make his order while she looked for her wallet in her backpack. “Hi um could I get a vanilla ice coffee with a caramel drizzle, and um, a chicken sandwich as well,” He says and the cashier nods.

“That’ll be 17.93$ please,” The cashier says, and (Y/n) nods stepping forward handing the cashier her card. “(Y/n) go ahead and find a seat I’ll wait for our stuff to be done, and then bring it over,” Jin says and she nods stepping away from the counter to find a stop in the corner away from everyone.

Jin watches her with soft eyes, and as she seems to stop paying attention to those around her her smile drops. Her once happy, bright face seems to disappear, only to be replaced with a tired and sad look. Jin looks at her with a sad face before he grabs their stuff and walks over to the table. This is has happened a few times since they’ve hung out.

Upon hearing him walk towards her, her face returns to its normal self all bright and happy. “Hey, you’re back!,” She says all up beat, “Yeah... hey can I ask you something,” He ask sitting down across from her. “Sure, what’s up?,” She ask, “Well I don’t know if it’s okay, I mean we’ve only been talking for about 4 weeks now but... are you okay?,” He ask.

“What?,” She ask looking a little amazed, “Are you okay, I’ve spotted you a few times just... you sometimes just look so tired, so sad...,” He says trailing off a little. Her face drops at hearing him, before she grabs her stuff off the tray and starts to eat her muffin.

“Do you remember elementary school, and some of early middle school?,” She says and he raises any eyebrow, “Um yeah, why?,” He ask, “You and your friends were so cool, it was always the 7 of you that everyone wanted to be like, that I wanted to be like... you guys were just... amazing. I moved here in the 3rd grade, and no one really noticed me, but I knew everyone. I tired to make friends, but no one really wanted to know me. Well no except you... I don’t even know if you remember,” She says with a smile as she shakes her head.

“You were one of the first people to ask me to play with you and your friends at recess. And then everyone just started to like me, everyone wanted to be near me. We hit middle school, and all of your friends moved away. It was just you and me, but you slowly slipped away and for the next few years, and everyone chose me over you,” She says shaking her head, “It was so weird how nice everyone was...when before no one saw me. I’ve heard so many people talk about me behind my back, and then play nice when I’m in front of them,” She says before she sighs and leans back.

“I just don’t understand how you did it. How you managed with all those people that were so nice to you, but so mean when you weren’t around... it just makes me so tired... I’m just so tired of everyone that smiles at me, and that I have to smile back at,”She finishes, and laying her head on the table closing her eyes. Jin looks down at her and then slowly lays his head on the table as well.

“You know that’s why people stopped liking me. I didn’t smile back at them when they smiled at me,” He says and she opens her eyes, “After all my friends left I didn’t feel well. I could manage to smile, it took less then a month of them being gone for my parents to take me to the doctor, and for them to put me on something in order to help with my depression,” He says as both of them sit up.

“I’m so sorry,” She says, “It’s okay, it was hard at first but after awhile I understood that somethings happen and that you can’t change them. Plus all of us still keep in contact and meet up ever chance we get,” He adds and she smiles nodding, “That’s good... hey, you aren’t gonna tell anyone about how I feel, right?,” She asks, “Why?,” He ask, “My parents go to extreme with stuff like this... my brother said he was sad once and my parents put him in a mental hospital,” She says and he nods.

“Yeah I promise to keep it a secret, as long as you tell me when you feel low,” He says and she smiles nodding, “Will do,” She says. After that they just seemed to talk about everything while they ate. A new relationship started to grow, and the more they talked the stronger that relationship became. They now understood they had someone who they could talk to, someone they could trust.

“(Y/n),” The familiar voice says causing the girl to turn and smile at the person it belonged to, “Good morning Jin, how’d you sleep,” She ask and he nods, “Good, and you?,” He ask, “Amazing, come on we can walk to chemistry together!,” She says and he nods allowing her to take his arm as they walk down the hall.

A few people stop and stare at the 2 unsure of what was going on, but they paid them no mind as they talked about whatever came to mind while they walked. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask. My family is headed out of town this weekend to go to a lake house. I didn’t want to go this year, so I was thinking you could come over and we cold chill out and watching some movie,” She says and Jin’s face turn a bit red before he nods.

(Y/n) swings the door open happily and welcomes Jin into her home, “Hey im so happy you could come. Come on in,” She says and he walks into the house holding his bag closely. “Wow your house is really nice,” He says as she lead him upstairs towards her room to his stuff there for now. “Yeah, my dad designed it,” She says as she opens up her bedroom door to reveal a large aesthic room with the main color being (F/c) being everywhere.

“Just put your stuff anywhere, I’m gonna go grab some stuff so us to eat and drink while we watch movies, and stuff,” She states before rushing out of the room off somewhere. Jin places his bag down, and starts to look around. He goes for the dresser first, and very quietly pulls open the top drawer examining the contents inside.

He had been in the room 24 times now, but this was the first time (Y/n) had been awake and knew he was in here. It made him feel tingly inside at the thought of being caught looking into his (Y/n)’ underwear drawer but he enjoyed seeing the colors she had clean, and sometimes got to see new pairs she had bought that exact day.

He picks up his favorite pair, a pair of black Victoria secret one, that always seemed to smell like her no matter how many times she washed them. Today was no different as he raised them to his nose and took a deep breath. “Jin, come here I need your opinion!,” (Y/n) yells and he jumps quickly, placing them back in their spot before, closing the drawer and waking towards what he assumed was the kitchen.

“So I was thinking M&Ms but- hey are you okay? You looked spooked,” She says and he smiles. “Yeah I was looking at your photo’s when you yelled, nearly gave me a heart attack,” He says and she smiles walking over to him giving him a hug, “Sorry Jin, now come help me,” She says pulling him towards the snacks. He hugs her from behind and listens to what she has to say before giving his thoughts here and there.

The girl sat next to him crying her eyes out. Jin smiled down at her, “You okay?,” He ask moving closer placing his arm around her shoulder. “How could he do that?,” She cries as more tears run down her face. Jin chuckles and pulls her closer, “It’s okay he’s not real anyway,” He says and she sniffs.

“I’m so happy you’re not like that,” She says as Jin wipes her tears. They make eye contact for a second before Jin leans in for a kiss only for her to move away. “What are doing!,” She ask standings from the bed. “I thought you.... I... did you want to kiss?,” He ask and she sign, “No... god I think of you as a brother,” She says walking over to the tv, “So you don’t like me?,” He ask.

“No!,” She reply’s, “Then why did you invite me here?,” He ask getting up as well walking towards her, “You’re always talking about how amazing I am, and how happy you are around me!,” He yells and she turns to face him, “THATS BECAUSE YOURE MY FRIEND JIN!,” She yells and Jin scoffs, “Well I want more then that. I don’t just want to be your friend,” He reply’s.

“Then I guess you’ll have to get over it,” She says putting in another movie, “Or I could just take what I want,” He says, “What-!,” He grabs hold of her throat and squeezes tightly. “Don’t struggle, I’m not trying to kill you just make you pass out,” He says as she’s struggles against his hold, “Ji-,” He squeezes hard, “Shhh, just relax. Everything will be okay,” He says before she passes out do to lack of oxygen.

Her body goes limp, and he picks her up making his way towards the door out of her room.

•MasterList•

#bts fanfic #bts army #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #yandere bts reactions #yandere bts x reader #seokjin x reader #yandere seokjin #bts seokjin

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wingsofkpop · 3 years

Text

Hiraeth - I.IX: Bloodborne

pairing(s): Hybrid!Im Jaebeom x Reader, Witch!Mark Tuan x Reader, Werewolf!Jackson Wang x Reader, Vampire!Park Jinyoung x Reader, Supernatural!Got7 x Reader

genre: Supernatural!AU, Dark Magic!AU, heavy Angst, eventual Smut

warnings: Mature language, mentions of death and murder, violence, explicit descriptions of fighting, blood and gore, some satanic themes, mentions of trauma, etc.

word count: 6,5k

synopsis: How far are you willing to go to find out the truth about Moon Dye Bay?…

chapter directory

“—so once Youngjae channels enough power from the blood moon tonight, he’ll be able to lower the veil between the Other Side and the physical plane long enough to resurrect your spirit into a mortal body.” You explain, glancing over your notes at the unusually quiet figure sitting on your bed. Something about his expression seems distant—almost sorrowful.

After your return from the hospital, and after the long chat with your roommate convincing her that your absence all night was due to a last minute work emergency, a certain ghost phased into your bedroom. You wouldn’t allow yourself to be this concerned, but during his visits, Jackson usually never shuts up. If you were all alone with no one to talk to, you probably wouldn’t either.

You lower your notebook and shake your head, “You haven’t said one word since you showed up. What’s wrong?”

Jackson purses his lips, as if nervous to relay the thoughts swirling through his mind. Another brief moment of silence passes before he finally murmurs, “It’s the witches. They’re starting to get suspicious again… I don’t know how long I have before they figure out I’ve been crossing over to this plane.”

“Then we’ll just have to bring you back before they find out.” You grab your phone from your desk, checking through your notifications to see if a certain siphoner has yet responded to your dozens of texts and calls. No dice.

You haven’t been able to reach Youngjae since yesterday morning, which is odd considering the guy is the type to respond within three seconds of receiving a message. It would be one thing if he let you know that he’s busy, but it’s complete radio silence. It’s not like Youngjae at all.

“You’re worried about something.”

Your eyes dartup at Jackson’s observation, discovering his concerned gaze focused on you.

“It’s Youngjae.” You sigh, “I haven’t heard from him, but I’m sure he’s just busy brewing potions or something.” You expect to earn at least a chuckle from the ghost, but his silence remains along with the blank expression along his face. His same distant demeanor also lingers, and this time, your concern grows to panic. “What is it, Jackson? What’s going on?”

“I didn’t want to say anything cause I was sure it was all in my head, but I feel that something is… weird.”

“Weird?”

“It’s hard to explain.” He continues, “But as a ghost, I can feel things around me… like right now, the universe just seems off—” His voice cuts out as he frantically shakes his head, “Anyway, I just want you to be careful. Mark used to tell me that disrupting the balance of nature is like opening Pandora’s box.”

“Yeah. We will be doing none of that.” You set your phone down before crossing the room to kneel in front of Jackson. A grin lifts to your lips as you hum to the ghost, “So what do you feel when you’re around me?...”

Jackson raises an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“You said you feel things around you… Do you feel anything special when you’re with me?”

You’re surprised at the eagerness that swells in your chest as he takes his time to think over your question. The inquiry was supposed to be a joke to lighten the mood, but you’re actually curious about your companion’s ghastly perceptions. After maybe a minute or two, Jackson sends you a small smile:

“I feel… light.”

“Light? What is that supposed to mean?”

“You have this aura around you.” Jackson affirms, mindlessly reaching forward thumb at your cheek. You obviously can’t feel his touch, but something in your gut tells you that if you could, you would feel nothing but warmth. “I feel powerful when I’m with you…”

“Is that a good thing?”

He grins, “I think so.”

You continue to stare at one another for a moment, almost attempting to read the depths in each other’s eyes. It’s not until a harsh knock resonates from the front door do you finally break the gaze, offering Jackson a final hum, “I’ll bring you back as soon as I can. I promise.”

Jackson nods, “I know you will. But like I said, please be careful.”

“I will. See you soon.” You wait for Jackson to disappear completely before exiting your bedroom, cursing Sana for leaving you to deal with whoever is incessantly banging on your door. It’s probably the old lady from across the hall wanting to borrow another cup of sugar. You roll your eyes at the thought and open the door, ready to politely decline your neighbor’s request.

Your words die on your tongue—definitely not the old lady from across the hall.

“Mark? What are you—?”

“What? Not expecting to see me?” Mark’s hostile growl takes you by surprise, as does the furious expression etched along his features. “That’s not surprising since you’ve been ignoring me.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Oh. I’m sure.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “What the hell is your problem?”

“You wanna know what my problem is?” Mark takes a step closer to you before pointing a finger in your direction, “The fact that you not only lie to me, but you go behind my back and then deliberately avoid me for days on end.”

“What are you even talking about, Mark?”

“I’m talking about you and Youngjae playing God and resurrecting Jackson.”

Your muscles instantly freeze, as if Mark had taken a tub of ice water and thrown it over your head. The annoyance inside your chest shifts to guilt, and your once cold features cannot help but soften.

You shake your head, “Mark, I—”

“Do you know how dangerous it is to bring someone back from the dead, (Y/N)?” Mark lowers his voice, but his tone remains as frigid as his gaze. “Do you know the consequences that happen when you fuck with the balance of nature?”

“I get that, but—it’s complicated, Mark… There’s things you don’t understand—”

“I don’t understand!?” He scoffs, “Last I checked, I’m the goddamn witch here, (Y/N)! You know nothing about magic and its sacrifice!”

“Maybe not, but I do know that there is a chance I could bring Jackson back!” You shake your head again, “Please, just give me a chance to explain—”

“No. Because it’s not fucking happening.” Mark interrupts, furiously shaking his own head. “I forbid you to do this.”

It’s like a switch goes off in your mind. Your guilt immediately transforms, but this time, it configures into rage:

“You forbid me!? Who the flying fuck do you think you are!?”

“I won’t sit back and allow you to get yourself killed—!”

“And last I checked, you don’t have the right to control what I do and the decisions I make!” You seethe, stepping further back into your apartment. “This is my choice. I’m resurrecting Jackson whether you like it or not.”

“Fine! Get yourself fucking killed for all I care!” The witch raises his hands in mock surrender. “At least then I won’t have to deal with your reckless, moronic ass!”

“Fuck you, Mark.” You don’t allow the witch to say anything further and slam the door in his face. Your chest remains unbearably heavy, both physically and mentally, but you ignore the sweltering emotions and begin to traverse around the apartment, gathering your bag and other assorted belongings.

A confused and rather concerned Sana emerges from her bedroom a few seconds later. “Are you okay? What was with all that yelling?”

“Don’t worry about it,” You huff, shoving your arms through the sleeves of your jacket. “Just Mark being a douchebag, as per usual.”

“Where are you going?”

“To find Youngjae.”

“Isn’t it kind of late?”

“I’m an adult, Sana.” You snap before throwing your bag over your shoulder. “Don’t wait up for me.”

Similar to Mark, you don’t allow Sana the chance to question you further and sprint out the front door, praying that Youngjae will be up to bringing Jackson back in the next few hours.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

Mark has never exercised the greatest control over his emotions. It first began when he was twelve, after his dad walked out on his mom. He found himself sobbing his eyes out some days, and beating the shit out of other kids on others. His mood ranged from intense rage to extreme depression. There was no in between.

In an effort to help, his mom enrolled him in a program designed to teach teens how to handle their emotions. But to no one’s surprise, the therapy didn’t do shit and Mark continued to initiate fights and cry himself to sleep most nights. He never understood why he felt this way—he still doesn’t, to be honest. His dad and him were never close, nor did he ever really care about his sudden departure. Maybe he was just an angry kid with depression. Maybe it was something else.

It wasn’t until his mom was killed did Mark begin to pull his life together, which also happened to be around the same time he met the too-friendly, homeschooled kid with an ego the size of Jupiter, Jackson Wang. Sure, the two of them butted heads every so often, but with Jackson being a werewolf, Mark learned the importance of managing the chaos within. ‘Emotion is like a loaded gun,’ he remembers Jackson once said, ‘If you let yourself pull the trigger without first aiming down sights, then you risk sinking a bullet into someone you love.’ Those words remain with him—remind him what means to stay in control.

But when it involves the people he loves, Mark can’t always regulate the ticking bomb counting down in his soul.

An ache settles in his chest as he recalls the passionate fire in your gaze. There’s always been some parts of you that reminds Mark of his past friend, specifically your stubbornness and inability to think before you act. He’s never found himself hating those parts of you until now—and he shouldn’t, Mark knows that, but he’s so fucking angry and so fucking scared of losing yet another one of the most important people in his life.

He’s experienced his fair share of loss, but losing you… It would break him. Completely.

Mark tries to push the intrusive thoughts from the forefront of his mind and focus on navigating his way through the dark maze of headstones and crumbling tombs. Right after you slammed your front door in his face, he received a text from Youngjae summoning him, Jisung and Lia to an emergency meeting at the edge of the cemetery. He’s still mad at the siphoner for assisting with your reckless scheme, but he won’t allow his pettiness to interfere with the safety of the coven.

A sigh falls from his lips—he does regret ever saying those ending words to you though… because what if they’re the last ones you hear from him.

‘I’m so sorry, Jackson…’

Mark’s misery is forgotten when he notices a group of people up ahead. He recognizes Lia, Jisung and Youngjae flocked together inside a chalk-white circle surrounded by lit torches. For a moment, Mark wonders if they’re in the middle of performing some type of seance, but his curiosity dwindles into confusion when he grows aware of the panic present in each set of their features.

He breaks into a sprint to cover more distance, approaching the strangely placed trio in no time. At the sight of him, Lia immediately bursts into tears, furthering the anxiety bubbling at the back of his throat.

“What the hell is going on!?”

“Hyung! You have to get out of here right now!” Mark notices the swollen, angry flesh of Youngjae’s bottom lip as he speaks, along with the ugly bruise underneath his left eye.

“What happened?” He ignores the siphoner’s warnings, attempting to reach inside the circle and grab Lia’s arm. However, his hand is met with resistance—a boundary spell. “Who did this to you?”

Lia sobs, “Just go, Mark! Before he hurts you!”

“Before who hurts me!? What are you—” His demands die in his throat as another figure appears from behind a large, marble gravestone. He immediately recognizes the newcomer, which sends even more confusion through his veins. “Seo Changbin? What the hell is this?”

“It’s an emergency meeting, hyung.” Mark feels his entire body freeze when the familiar, conniving voice enters his ears. “You had me a little worried… I almost thought you wouldn’t show up.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Mark whirls around to face a smirking Minho cockily leaning against the wall of an empty tomb. “What kind of game do you think you’re playing, Minho?”

The younger witch shrugs before pushing off the wall to pace around the area. As he draws closer and closer, Mark can spy an ancient, navy blue ring sitting heavily on his forefinger. He’s never seen any piece of jewelry like it before, but something in his gut told him it wasn’t just a simple ring—and that he’s definitely in some kind of trouble.

“Mind explaining to me what we’re doing here? Or are you just going to continue pacing around the place like a cocky bastard?”

“Tonight is a special night, hyung… You wanna know why?” He watches Minho point to the night sky, “In just a few minutes, the moon will drift into the Earth’s shadow and the light of the sun will reflect across the moon’s surface, thus causing a blood moon… It’s actually pretty cool—”

“For Christsake, Minho—get to the goddamn point.”

“You know, for years I had to deal with all your bullshit excuses and justifications of putting our coven in danger—it was only a matter of time until one of us ended up dead, don’t you think?”

A bitter memory of Nayeon’s corpse resurfaces, but Mark remains silent.

“Everyone was too fucking blind, but I saw right through you.” Mark doesn’t move a muscle when Minho suddenly approaches, crowding his space until his nose is mere inches from brushing his own. The younger witch’s harsh glare bleeds into his soul as he continues, “You’re a poor fucking excuse for a leader, hyung—a leader who can’t even protect his own people.”

“And you think you can do better, huh?” Mark growls, glaring his own daggers into Minho’s gaze. “You have no fucking clue what it takes to run this coven… Admit it, you’re just pissed they chose me over you.”

“And look where that got them.”

“You need to cut out whatever petty bullshit this is and let Youngjae, Jisung and Lia go.” Mark murmurs, “Whatever problems you have are with me, so let’s just talk it out, okay?”

“Oh, Mark-hyung…” Minho’s gaze is unwavering from his own as he lifts a hand to rest on Mark’s shoulder. It’s a second too late that Mark realizes it is the same hand in which holds the mysterious ring:

“I’m over talking it out.”

Youngjae’s screams and Lia’s sobs echo in his ears along with the words that spill from Minho’s lips—they’re foreign, but Mark recognizes the spell right away. He tries to squirm and fight against the perpetrator’s grip, but another pair of hands keep his body in place—Changbin.

Bit by bit, Mark feels the buzz of his magic lift from his veins like a flock of doves. His limbs grow weak and his head fuzzy. Soon enough, his own knees no longer bear the strength to hold his weight. Once both Minho and Changbin release him, Mark collapses to the ground—empty and unable to rise.

“What did you do to him!?” Mark hears Jisung’s voice for the first time, although his brain is not fully able to comprehend the inquiry.

“I took his magic. He won’t be needing it anymore.”

Mark manages to find enough strength to reposition his body in a way that allows him to watch both Minho and Changbin approach a makeshift altar composed of an old, concrete coffin. Through the blur of his vision, he catches the witch stirring some kind of crimson mixture—likely blood. Minho looks to the moon, which is slowly brightening to a shade of maroon, before resting his gaze on his companion:

“It’s time.” He offers the mixture to Changbin, “Once you drink this, I can begin the transformation.”

“And you’re sure this spell will give me everything I need to take down the Primes?”

“One hundred percent.”

Take down the Primes?… Fucking hell.

“Minho! Don’t do this!” Mark can’t make out his own voice between the ringing of his ears and the beating of his heart, but he can only hope they’re audible enough for his audience. “The transformation—it won’t work!”

Youngjae shakes his head. “I don’t understand… What are you talking about, hyung?”

“He’s going to try to recreate the spell I used on Jackson on Changbin.” With a huff and a puff, Mark pushes himself to his hands and knees. He attempts to crawl forward, but the spinning of his head sends his body sprawling along the ground once again. He abandons any more thoughts of movement and speaks to Minho directly, “It will kill him—do you understand me!? You can’t—”

“You failed because you couldn’t draw enough power to complete the transformation.” Minho doesn’t even bother to look in his direction, “It will work—I know it will.”

Understanding there’s no possible way to convince the witch, Mark looks to the werewolf instead, “I’m warning you, Changbin! If you go through with this, you will die!”

“Don’t listen to him. Just drink the blood.”

“No! For fucksake, this is suicide!”

“Think of Jackson.” Minho murmurs to a torn Changbin, reaching across the altar to place a supportive hand on his shoulder. “Do it for him.”

“Changbin, don’t—!”

Mark watches in horror as Changbin throws back the mixture and downs its entirety in two gulps. His heart shatters like the glass vial the werewolf launches to the ground. He peers to his left, discovering the same shocked expressions across Youngjae, Jisung and Lia’s faces, and shakes his head in defeat as Lia begins to sob again.

“Filia maximo… Filia maximo… Morsus, morsus—” The wind begins to screech as Minho chants, tearing at Mark’s hair and nudging at his clothes, as if pleading for him to stop the spell. But there’s nothing he can do. For once, Mark is powerless. “—morsus… Advenio donec duo est revertus mors…” With a loud scream, Changbin collapses to the earth. He squirms and writhes in pain underneath the flaming light of the moon—and Mark can’t help but attempt to block out the snaps of his cracking bones.

The scene seems to last for hours until Changbin eventually grows silent. Mark takes the time to catch his breath, unable to control his lungs over the anxiety, fear and nausea lurking through his veins. He wants to look away from the still werewolf, but his gaze is as frozen as the rest of his body.

His eyes burn with tears of rage—Changbin is dead. Another person died because of his own fucking stupidity. Mark should have known this would happen again. He should have stopped it. He should have—

His thoughts disappear as Changbin suddenly gasps for air. For a moment, he claws at the earth as if attempting to ground himself, before he finally, albeit shakily, climbs to his feet. Minho cautiously approaches the wolf, peering down at the shorter male with a gaze full of concern.

“How do you feel?...”

“I feel…” Changbin flexes his fingers again, before closing them into tight fists. The moonlight illuminates the crimson glow of his irises and the sharpness of his long, black fangs as he faces the witch—a malicious smirk spreading along his lips as he chuckles, “I feel like kicking some ancient Prime ass.”

Mark can’t find the strength to watch anymore and allows his head to lower to the earth. Just before his eyes flutter shut, he swears he spots the movement of shadows from behind a nearby headstone. But before he can confirm his suspicions, his head takes one final spin and the world grows dark.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

June 13th, 1769 — As much as I enjoy the atmosphere of Paris, I believe it is time to progress onto another part of the world. Some of the townsfolk are beginning to grow suspicious, considering I appear twenty years younger than my supposed age. Nevertheless, I will not mind a new start elsewhere. Jaebeom, on the other hand, will be a terror to convince. As he claimed last time I brought the idea to light, ‘There will never be a place more beautiful than Paris.’

But I know he is not through playing with his newest toy—Tzuyu.

I set sail for the newlands tomorrow at sunrise. Whether my brother decides to accompany me or not is solely his preference. It would be pleasant to spend some time apart—to spend some time in peace—but I know, with many complaints and reluctance, Jaebeom will board the ship tomorrow. Wherever I traverse, he follows, and vice versa. We are family, after all.

I will miss Notre Dame the most. I have grown used to visiting the Cathedral and repenting my wrongdoings to the high priest. Of course, I am forced to erase his memory of our talks each time, but it is nice to confess. It lifts a weight off of the shoulders, takes away a small portion of the guilt. If there is a god, he would never allow a creature like me to walk amongst his heavens—but at least I can salvage the lingering hope left inside of my soul. Speaking of hope, I thought I saw a woman that resembled Irene during my daily visit to the church. I find it amusing that after all these years, my heart continues to yearn for her presence. She was truly special—I wonder if she ever thought the same of me.

I’ve heard some of the sailors refer to a shore in the newland that has yet to be claimed. It may be the perfect location for Jaebeom and I to start anew. I can only hope it is as beautiful as people say. Maybe I will construct a place of worship as stunning as the Cathedral.

Isn’t that ironic?... A vampire who believes in faith.

Jinyoung finishes the entry with a sigh, welcoming the nostalgia that spreads through his thoughts like an old friend. It seems just yesterday that he recorded his first thoughts about the land that would become Moon Dye Bay. He shakes his head, carefully setting the old journal back on the bookshelf.

He never did build that church.

“Reminiscing again, brother?” The moment is ruined when a certain hybrid’s snicker reaches his ears. Jinyoung rolls his eyes as Jaebeom takes residence beside him, dragging his fingers along the spines of Jinyoung’s other diaries. “We did have some great times back in the 18th century… Remember our battles during the French Revolution? I rather enjoyed King Louis and Marie Antoinette’s executions.”

“You enjoy anything that involves bloodshed.”

“Don’t be so resentful, Jinyoungie. It’s not my fault that the queen had you in her interests.”

Jinyoung shakes his head before retreating to his desk to fix himself a drink. “The woman was as shallow as a poor soul’s ego. She was taken with any man who’d pay her the time of day. It was a miracle her death came as quickly as it did.”

“Careful there. You sound like me.”

Jinyoung deliberately chooses not to respond to Jaebeom’s comment and proceeds to pour two glasses of bourbon. He ignores his companion’s wide smirk as he hands him one of the drinks. Both the vampire and the hybrid simultaneously take a sip, peering at one another over the rims of their cups. Jaebeom is the first to break the silence with a pleased inhale and a hum:

“You returned pretty late last night. I hope you used protection during your time with (Y/N).”

“Mind your tongue, hyung.” Jinyoung warns, “I brought (Y/N) to the hospital after the attack—I trust you took care of Tzuyu?”

Jaebeom smirks. “Of course. She won’t be alive long enough to target your newest Maria Antonia again.”

About to inhale another sip of his bourbon, Jinyoung pauses to mull over the answer. He lowers his glass to his side before delivering Jaebeom a confused expression and a murmured inquiry, “What do you mean she won’t be alive?”

“Tzuyu and I got into an argument and, well, she pissed me off.” Jinyoung watches Jaebeom down the rest of his drink.

“Please tell me you didn’t bite her, Jaebeom-hyung.” He curses at the widening of Jaebeom’s smirk, slamming his glass back down on his desk with enough force to crack its exterior. “When I told you to deal with her, I didn’t mean condemn her to a fate of pain. If you wished to kill her, you could have at least been merciful and done it quick.”

“Last I checked, you said it yourself not to be kind.” Jinyoung follows Jaebeom as he pours himself another drink and collapses onto a brown, leather sofa. He tips his glass toward him with a smile before continuing, “I thought the punishment fit the crime, and we wouldn’t want to put helpless, human (Y/N) in danger again, would we?”

“You turned it off, didn’t you?” Jinyoung realizes, “Does holding onto your humanity wound you that badly, hyung? That you have no choice but to wish it away?”

“If I remember correctly, I’m not the only one that can’t hold onto their humanity… How many people did you kill in the ‘20s alone? One thousand? Maybe two?”

Jinyoung shakes his head, “I’m not that person anymore.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” In the blink of an eye, Jaebeom is in front of Jinyoung—his glass in pieces on the floor beside him. He leans in until Jinyoung can taste the alcohol of his breath on his tongue, then whispers darkly, “You can lie to yourself all you fucking want, Jinyoung. But deep down, you’ll always know what you are… let’s just hope (Y/N) never finds out, hm?”

At the mention of your name, Jinyoung’s anger expands. He suppresses the urge to take the table beside him and smash it over the hybrid’s head, and instead inhales a deep breath. Jaebeom is only trying to provoke him—and he refuses to be a pawn in his foolish games.

“You will remember what it was like to feel human again.” Jinyoung sighs, “For your sake, I hope your remembrance comes sooner rather than later.”

Jaebeom tsks, “Being human is overrated.”

“He said the same thing about fate.” Both Jinyoung and Jaebeom whirl around at the appearance of a third voice. Jinyoung feels his blood begin to boil at the sight of the familiar vampire in the doorway, once again, suppressing his desire to launch a piece of furniture in her direction. “Ironically, fate and humanity are a package deal.”

Jaebeom growls, “What the fuck are you doing here, Tzuyu?”

“I came to try and convince you to give me your blood.” Tzuyu coughs, and Jinyoung swears he can hear the rattle of her bones. “But judging by your attitude, that’s obviously going to be harder than I thought.”

“You have courage for showing your face again.” Jinyoung crosses his arms with a dark hum, “Especially so soon after you nearly killed (Y/N).”

“It wasn’t my intention to kill her. I just wanted to send a message.”

“Is that so?” With a malicious glare, Jinyoung steps forward and tilts his head toward the vampire, “And what kind of message was that?”

“For (Y/N) to stay away from Jaebeom.” Another violent cough wracks through Tzuyu’s thin form, causing a light stream of blood to splatter from her lips. She wipes her mouth with a ragged breath before continuing, “Look, I did it for her own good. We all know his track record at keeping humans alive.”

“You did it to protect her!?” Jaebeom cackles, “Wow! That’s fucking priceless!”

“Say what you will, you both know I’m right.” Tzuyu says, propping herself up against a nearby bookshelf. “It’s either she ends up dead or is turned into a vampire—then again, there’s not much of a difference between the two, is there?”

“I would die before I allow (Y/N) to come to any harm.”

“The only issue with that is you can’t die, Jinyoung.” Jinyoung doesn’t take his eyes off Tzuyu as she grabs a bottle of brandy from the top shelf. It takes her literal seconds to unscrew the cap and down a good portion of the container. She licks her lips and says, “I’m sorry I attacked (Y/N), okay? I went too far. I won’t do it again.”

“You think an apology is enough to save your life?” Jaebeom snickers before snatching the alcohol from the vampire, “Think again, sweetheart.”

“What do you want from me, Jaebeom? Does seeing me die a slow, painful death bring you joy?”

He shrugs, “No one mourns for the wicked.”

“Is he always this much of an asshole?”

Jinyoung chuckles, “Pretty much.”

“Great.” The vampire breathes out a sigh and cards her fingers through her hair. After a brief moment of silence, she directs her attention back to Jaebeom and pleads—her voice packed with desperation and fear, “What can I do to convince you to let me live? Please, Jaebeom… I don’t want to die.”

“You should have thought about that before you touched what I told you not to.” Jinyoung remains quiet as Jaebeom lifts a hand to grasp Tzuyu’s jaw. The dying visitor remains unphased, proceeding to glare at the hybrid with hateful, yet oddly sorrowful eyes. “I suggest you show yourself out before I end your life sooner.”

“You’re going to lose everything one of these days, Jaebeom.” Tzuyu shakes her head sadly, wiping away a layer of cold sweat from her forehead. “You’re going to lose everyone, even your brother, and you’re going to be alone. For an eternity.”

“Save the monologue.” Jaebeom waves dismissively, taking a sip of the brandy before returning it back to its shelf. “Petty isn’t a good look for you, baby.”

“Fuck you, Jaebeom.” Tzuyu goes to stomp out the door, but something—someone blocks her path. The atmosphere changes when Jinyoung notices your panicked form, practically gasping for air and cross-eyed, standing in the doorway. He immediately speeds to your side without hesitation, grasping your hands in hopes to ground you.

He stares into your eyes, “What is it, (Y/N)? What’s wrong?”

“You and Jaebeom have to get the hell out of here! Right now!”

Jaebeom shakes his head in confusion, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t know what exactly happened but Minho turned Changbin into this dark werewolf creature or-or something… I do know, however, that Changbin is on his way right now to kill you both.” Jinyoung steps back at the intensity of your explanation, unable to think of a response over the roar of his thoughts. Through his peripheral vision, he can spot the same type of speechlessness across Jaebeom’s face.

Not again…

“That’s stupid… You realize nothing can kill them, right?” Tzuyu scoffs.

“This is different.” You urge, “I saw Changbin—he wasn’t like anything I’ve ever seen before… The spell that Minho used, it was-was—”

“Dark magic.” Jinyoung finishes blankly, “The spell was dark magic.”

“Yes… which means you and Jaebeom need to leave town as fast as you possibly can before—”

“I don’t think anyone is going anywhere, (Y/N).” Jinyoung’s entire body grows stiff as a new voice echoes throughout the study. He cautiously turns his head, discovering none other than the young werewolf in question resting among the shadows. His eye also catches the open window a few inches away, and he curses himself for ever wanting to feel the nightly draft.

Changbin’s smirk is as dark as his eyes.

“What?... Not going to offer me a drink?”

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

“(Y/N)! Get out of here! Now!” Jaebeom hears Jinyoung scream as the werewolf suddenly launches forward, knocking his brother into the bookshelf behind him. The wood completely splinters beneath the impact, raining down an array of books and planks on Jinyoung’s body. Changbin turns to Jaebeom next, but the hybrid is ready—and pissed off.

Jaebeom speeds toward the intruder and delivers a swift kick to the gut. Changbin flies back at the force, crashing back through the window with a loud growl. Sensing the urgency in time, Jaebeom quickly throws Jinyoung’s immobile body over his shoulder and urges both you and Tzuyu out the study door.

“Come on! We gotta go!”

“Jaebeom! What the hell is happening!?” He ignores Tzuyu’s fearful ask and proceeds to lug Jinyoung through the maze of hallways and down the staircase, you and the female vampire hot on his heels. He doesn’t know exactly where he’s going, but he makes his way to the parlor where he props Jinyoung up against a nearby chair before turning to you:

“You need to leave. I will deal with this.”

“No way. I’m not going anywhere.” Jaebeom curses your stubbornness inside his head, sending a stern glare in your direction. Your expression remains fixated, and he can’t help but wish your presence in any other situation but now.

“I can’t protect you right now—”

“And I can’t sit back and watch you get yourselves killed!” You shake your head indignantly, “I’m staying!”

“Fucking hell, (Y/N)! Get your ass out that door before I throw you out myself!”

“Jaebeom, watch out!” At Tzuyu’s cue, a wooden branch comes soaring in through the window. Jaebeom immediately throws himself against you, effectively forcing your body to the ground to dodge the projectile. He can feel your fear through the trembling of your limbs and hurried breaths, but it only brings him more determination to tear apart his attacker.

He shakes his head in surrender, “You stay on the fucking ground, understand? Don’t you fucking dare move a muscle.” He doesn’t bother to wait for a response and pushes himself back to his feet.

Tzuyu is huddled in a corner, and Jinyoung has yet to awaken from his crash landing back in the study. Jaebeom tries to focus his senses on detecting the werewolf, but he can’t seem to hear anything past the beating of his own heart. He carefully makes his way over to the incapacitated vampire, attempting to force him back to consciousness.

“Now is really not the time for a fucking nap, Jinyoung.” He hisses, “I swear to god, if I have to save your ass one more time—” Another wave of tree branches come crashing through the windows. Unfortunately, Jaebeom is not as quick and one catches his shoulder at just the right angle. He feels the wood sink into his flesh, painfully carving into his bones. With a low groan, Jaebeom manages to grab the makeshift stake and remove it in one hefty pull.

He tosses it away with a yell, “You gonna hide like a little bitch!? Or are you gonna come out and fight like a man!?”

“Be careful what you wish for, asshole!” Jaebeom turns just in time to discover the werewolf emerging from a shattered window. His blood boils when he notices the sadistic grin along the young kid’s face—he wonders how those teeth will look strewn across the parlor floor.

Changbin comes at him fast, much faster than Jaebeom could have predicted. He manages to dodge a set of jabs, but he’s not so lucky when Changbin lands a heavy hit against the side of his face. Pain erupts through his jaw as he collapses to the floor, but Jaebeom doesn’t have the chance to dwell over it and rolls out of the way just as the werewolf attempts to stomp his nose.

Jaebeom tries to speed away again, but like before, his counterpart is faster. Changbin manages to force him to the floor for a second time, pinning his body down with his own. Horrified, the hybrid watches as the werewolf’s eyes glow blood red and large, pitch black fangs emerge past his parted lips. Once again, he attempts to break free, but it’s no use—Changbin is too strong.

Just when he believes the wolf’s fangs are going to sink into his neck, another form knocks Changbin away. Jaebeom hurriedly props himself on his arms in time to watch Tzuyu deliver a series of hits and kicks to the perpetrator, eventually slamming his head into a nearby armoire. Taking advantage of the moment, she turns from Changbin to Jaebeom instead:

“Grab Jinyoung and (Y/N) and run!” She screams, “Get the hell of here!”

Unable to move, Jaebeom remains as Tzuyu attempts to fight off the wolf. But with the combination of his ultimate strength and her weakness from Jaebeom’s venom, her defeat is inevitable. He watches in terror as Changbin sinks his teeth into the vampire’s arm before yanking her head forward and effectively snapping her neck. Jaebeom feels his insides practically soar with rage when the attacker tosses a comatose Tzuyu across the room like a useless toy.

“I’ll kill you…” He sneers, allowing his own supernatural features to overtake his face. “I’ll fucking kill you…”

Changbin shakes his head with a smirk, “I’d like to see you try.”

Using the little agility he has left, Jaebeom grabs one of the branches and speeds toward the wolf. Due to Changbin’s movements, he misses his chest, but manages to stab the weapon in his stomach. Changbin releases a pained groan, allowing Jaebeom to take advantage of his surprise and land another array of uppercuts to his face. Just when he finally thinks he has the upper hand, his opponent blocks one of his hits and pins him against a wall with a hand around his throat.

“Any last words, Prime?”

“You really think you can kill me?” Jaebeom growls, squirming against Changbin’s hold.

“I know I can… Have fun rotting in Hell—fuck!”

Shock spills through Jaebeom’s veins as the point of branch suddenly appears through the center of the wolf’s chest, splattering red across both of their bodies. Changbin’s grip releases, allowing the hybrid to quickly speed out of his reach. Once he’s a safe distances away, Jaebeom looks to his savior, discovering the one person he never expected to see—

You stand over Changbin’s body—chest heaving and bloodied hands trembling. Your eyes are glassy when Jaebeom meets your gaze, and for some reason, he feels the urge to go and pull your form into a tight embrace. Your voice, however, returns his mind to reality:

“Did I… Did I kill him?”

“I don’t think so.” Jaebeom answers, nursing his wound with his own shaky fingers. “We need to get out of here—get somewhere safe.”

“Good idea.” You trudge over to where Jinyoung is still unconsciously laid across the chair. Jaebeom follows your lead and hurries over to a lifeless Tzuyu. “I know somewhere we can go… but I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

“(Y/N)... There is an immortal, unkillable super wolf out to kill me and my brother currently in my living room…” He snorts, maneuvering Tzuyu’s body into one arm and assisting you and Jinyoung with the other.

“Trust me, anywhere is a hell of a lot better than here…”

87 notes · View notes

daydream-believin · 3 years

Text

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (St. Louis)

summary: (pt 1) Reader joins Douxie in the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company won’t he? - part 4) Doux and Reader get out of Missouri finally but not before one last stop (part 5)

warnings: swearing

word count: 6205

a/n: im getting a smidge impatient on my planned mutual pining slow burn as you can see. mmm i want a piece of st louis butter cake. @blixeon gets credit for putting the douxie trying to keep y/n away from moppet!douxie idea in my head. its not a big plot point here but idk felt i should still mention it

Douxie stared up at the ceiling with dry, unblinking eyes. There were many interesting cracks in the ceiling, barely illuminated by the light streaming in from the bathroom door. He was wide awake, despite not being able to convince himself to move. He was never a morning person, but once he remembered where he was, it was like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him. Y/n was no longer clinging to him when he woke up, albeit, she was not even in the bed at all when he woke up. That had gave him a fright before he realized he could hear the shower running. Somehow, this was worse than if she’d still been there when he woke up. This meant she woke, untangled herself from him, and was probably going to pretend like it didn’t happen, since she couldn’t possibly know he stayed awake long enough to know about it. Which, while waking up in her arms would have been a little awkward, at least he would have gotten a conversation out of it. An acknowledgement. Something.

Speaking of the shower, somehow that was doing a number on him too. It was so strange. They’ve lived together for years now; they’ve shared a bathroom for years now. He’s heard her shower so many fucking times. No sweat. These feelings were making him silly. Perhaps it was this fucking room. The domesticity of it all, which was a weird thing to say when you literally lived with said person. Yet, he couldn’t stop imagining that he was waking up in His Home, listening to His Wife get ready for work in the en suite of Their Bedroom. She didn’t want to wake him, how sweet. She was always worried about him getting more sleep. He’d go help her with her hair, braid it for her. His hands would run through her soft hair as he styled it. She’d kiss him on the nose before she left to go make him a cup of coffee while he got ready. She knew just how he liked it. They’d brush their teeth together, every morning, just like they did last night.

Bleeding balroths, last night. What was he going to do about last night. His dumb heart wouldn’t just be able to leave well enough alone, apparently. Does he,,, say something? Perhaps he should wait to see if she says something. That would be,, the safer route. He knew one thing for sure though. He wasn’t going to act like he didn’t love every second of it. He’d made up his mind. His life has been way too long and lonely for him to keep this ‘it’s not like I like you’ act up. And for Merlin’s sake, he had died not even three days ago. He had almost been gone, and would have never known the love of his beloved. And family wasn’t just who you have, it was also who you’re with. And he was with Y/n. She was already his family, so why not be his family? Like he dreamed of? Yes, he was going to come clean. If she said something. Yes.

Suddenly, he was aware of a noise. Someone had just knocked on the front door of the room. Or less of a knocking and more of a rapping. Archie’s ear’s flicked, but he didn’t stir. Douxie held his breath. The rapping stopped, but now whoever it was trying to open the door. Thank Merlin he warded that thing up. It couldn’t open from the outside, he made sure of it. The door handle stopped moving. Doux still made no noise. Hopefully whoever or whatever that was had decided to move on to easier prey.

Y/n combed her fingers through her wet hair. It was the best she could do at the moment. She’d try and braid it back while it was still wet, so it wouldn’t get even worse. Y/n pulled on the same clothes she’d been wearing for a week. Well, actually she had been wearing a medieval dress for most of it, but still. She looked in the mirror. Not bad for someone on the run. But they did need to make a shopping trip. As much as Y/n did not want to waste an entire other day to a store (thanks Kmart), and didn’t want to spend more of their small savings they were living off of, they did need some things. Backpacks to keep their few belongings close, one more set of clothes each so they could have something to be wearing while they wash the other set, maybe some pajama pants would be nice, although nonessential, a couple of toothbrushes that weren’t the motel provided ones, plus a tube of toothpaste, soap, a hairbrush, phone chargers, some emergency food that wouldn’t spoil, some reusable water bottles, a fucking first aid kit even, lots of stuff. It’s not like they were able to pack for this trip. Hell, they should probably get Nari an outfit that would cover up her, eh, forest spirit-ness. Her running around in leaves isn’t exactly helping their conspicuousness. Despite Y/n not wanting to add to that list, she sure was getting cold in her short-sleeved top. She needed a jacket. She’d been borrowing Douxie’s a bit for the last few days, but if she just stole it then he would be cold. She needed one of her own, she supposed.

Y/n walked out of the bathroom. Archie and Nari were still snoozing, but Doux looked like he was awake. He sat up as soon as he realized Y/n had come out. He looked, troubled. And he had every right to be, she thought. He had just suffered the loss of his mentor and died himself. He had been blankly staring at the ceiling when she’d first came into the room. He probably had so much on his mind. Thankfully he had Archie and herself. They’d be there for him, she’d make sure of it. It’d be best to give him some more time to think, though. She didn’t want to push too hard. He’d tell her if he was struggling, she was sure of it. He’d been so open lately. And they’d had plenty of talks in the past about not expressing frustrations in their lives. He hadn’t been too open with her when they first started living together and it had made being roommates stressful at first. It wasn’t a problem anymore though. They’d worked through it, and it had even brought them closer.

She told him it was his turn for the bathroom now. He looked like he wanted to say something, but then quietly nodded as he got out of bed and headed for the shower. Strangely, this inn stay has been the most normal things had been all week. It was almost like they were home. She was back in her routine of waking, getting ready, telling Douxie it was his turn to get ready. He was so sweet, he always let her have the bathroom first. So chivalrous, although, she had a sneaking suspicion it was more of his excuse to sleep in a little longer.

It was nice, living with Douxie. It was the first time she’d been on her own. Or, well, not on her own per se, since Douxie was there, but at least away from her aunt. Her aunt had practically raised her, but that didn’t mean she was too grateful for it. She felt guilty about that last part, but not too guilty. Her aunt was pretty cold. It was clear that Y/n was just a charity case to her, a beggar who wouldn’t be looked at twice if not for blood relation. She hadn’t even bothered telling Y/n about their family’s magic until Y/n had stumbled face first into it herself. And even then, she only taught Y/n a minimal number of spells, just enough to control it, so she could successfully hide it. Didn’t need some troublesome untrained wizard ruining the family name and scaring the party guests. Y/n didn’t even know that wizards were pretty much immortal at a certain point until she noticed it herself. The people she had grown up with were all out there getting their pretty adult faces, and she was stuck with a baby face. Her aunt only told her once she questioned it. She was well past being nineteen now, but was going to be stuck like this forever apparently. What a great way to live.

Of course, she was absolutely thrilled when she found out her new roommate was in the same boat as her in that department. It was serendipity. The whole thing with Douxie was perfect, really. She had heard through her friend who worked at Hextech that someone had put up a roommate ad flyer on the company’s bulletin board and she called right away. She hadn’t been having any luck apartment hunting. She couldn’t afford rent on her own with her bookstore job, and Arcadia Oaks wasn’t exactly a college town teeming with people looking for roommates. A wizard roommate would be perfect, and the price was right. So imagine her surprise when said new roommate also turned out to be her boss. Y/n hadn’t even known he was looking for a roommate, let alone that he was a fellow wizard. His old roommate, Jack, had gotten married and moved out last month, he told her. Y/n was surprised at how very easy it was getting into this agreement too, Doux already knew her so he didn’t even interview her. And she didn’t have to worry about new person awkwardness. It really was serendipity. Of course, it hadn’t been all rosy, as mentioned before, but they were really groovin’ together now.

Y/n stretched out on the bed. She could hear the water running through the wall. It had been so awesome living right above her job. She got to sleep in, and she’d get ready, eat some breakfast, and be able to instantly step into the bookstore. She’d never be late ever again. Or she never was late again. That was a depressing thought. But hey, bright side, now they could have all the fun of starting up a new bookstore. Perhaps she could convince Douxie to add on a tea shop this time too. One that had cute little round tables with pretty gingham table cloths and flower vases, filled with flowers that they grew themselves in the pots on their balcony. They’d make sure the new bookstore had a nice window that was meant for a display but they’d leave as a place for Archie to sleep in and make snarky comments as he watched the people go by. Douxie could paint the letters on the signs and window, he was great at that. It’d be a task, but truly, they had to remake their bookstore. Even if not in Arcadia. A new bookstore they could fill up with love, that’d be an idea Y/n could hold on to.

Stars, she loved their bookstore. She loved the smell. She loved the peaceful homey vibe. She loved the man who owned it. Whoops, forget about that last part. She even loved the quirky characters it drew in. One time, she encountered this really crazy lady, and she wasn’t even sure if this lady was real or if she dreamt her, since she was the only witness. But Mordrax’s miracles, was this lady something. It started normally enough, Y/n picking up the store’s landline.

“GDT Arcane Bookstore! Please state your grievances.” She knew in the back of her mind that she was the only person who found her dumb jokes funny, but she still made them to brighten up her own day. Also to piss off Hisirdoux with her unprofessionalism. He made the same passive-aggressive ‘I’m disappointed in you’ face every time. It was fun.

“Yes, Hello. I would like to know if you carry any children’s books.”

“Yes ma’am, we sure do. A whole section.”

“Great. And are you child friendly?”

“Are we-, child friendly? I-, Yes I suppose we are ma’am.”

“Perfect. And you’re open until eight?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Thank you, young lady.”

The whole phone call was odd. Y/n wasn’t too jazzed about being called ‘young lady’ either. She had mocked the lady as soon as the phone call ended, but she shrugged it off, and had forgotten that the whole thing had even happened as she went about her day. Then, at about seven, this lady rolls up. She was dressed to the nines but like, in an old rich person way. Long fur coat, black dress underneath with pearls around her neck. On one arm, she had a fancy purse covered in the logo of a fashion brand Y/n wasn’t going to admit she recognized. In the other, she carried a large porcelain doll, the size of a five-year-old, which was dressed in a frilly pink dress that remined her of the dresses her aunt used to make her wear. When Y/n greeted her, she recognized the voice as the strange caller from earlier. Y/n got the feeling that some sort of shit was about to go down, and couldn’t wait. If only Archie was here.

Fur coat lady sat her doll down on the old loveseat in the sitting area and asked Y/n to keep an eye on the doll while she went to go pick out some books. Emily could be so mischievous sometimes, she told Y/n. She assured fur coat lady that she’d watch Emily like a hawk. The doll’s painted eyes stared into Y/n’s soul. Fur coat lady came back far longer than Y/n was comfortable with. She asked Y/n if Emily had been a good-mannered girl. Y/n just nodded, not sure if she should be encouraging this, on second thought. Fur coat lady then preceded to read the doll nine children’s books in a row, pausing in between only to ask the doll if she had liked it. Y/n was too baffled to even tell this lady to scram, we aren’t a library, you know. It crept closer to eight, and Y/n was actually dreading what was going to happen when she’d have to kick this lady out, but thank the stars, fur coat lady starts telling her doll about how it was close to its bedtime so they couldn’t read any more stories, aww darn, and they had to go now. She thanked Y/n as she walked out of the door. Y/n flipped that closed sign behind her and quickly retreated upstairs for the night. She’d go make a cup of tea to relax her nerves after that encounter. Y/n had plenty of other wild stories of people who’ve stopped by their bookstore. It was great for conversation at parties.

Y/n loved parties. With Douxie came all his friends, and she didn’t mind that one bit. They were always over whenever Doux had time off. It was so nice; it kept their place lively. Y/n cooked and baked a lot, it was one of those skills her aunt insist she have, and having so many mouths to enjoy her food felt good. And whether it was band practice or game night, she was happy to play hostess. Douxie’s friends were fun to talk to. She suddenly had the freedom to invite her own friends over too. Having so many people around all the time had helped her loneliness big time when she first moved in. Her aunt’s house may have been big, but it was empty. Her aunt threw a fancy party a month, but none of the people there were people worth talking to. It was so cold. Their apartment was warm.

Honestly, as insane as it was to think about, Y/n couldn’t see herself ever leaving Douxie to live on her own anymore. At first, this arrangement was supposed to be a temporary thing until she could find a better job and go off on her own. But somehow along the way, ‘the apartment we share’ became Their Apartment, and the bookstore that she happened to operate with him became Their Bookstore. It was nuts, and also the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to Y/n. It was the home she’d never had. Douxie and Archie were her family. Way more so than her aunt ever was. It was beautiful, magical, marvelous. She no longer worked, she just lived. Hell, she couldn’t even remember the last time Doux had formally assigned her a shift. She was just kind of always there. Which she was glad to do. She loved it. And when it was time to stop working, she’d just head upstairs and get to spend even more time with her favourite person. That is, if he wasn’t on one of his bistro shifts. She felt so safe and cared for. She no longer felt alone.

If Douxie wanted to make that, how you say, a little more official, Y/n wouldn’t be opposed to that. She had a hunch that he had some sort of feelings for her, if his recent actions were anything to go by. Although, just like she didn’t want to push him about the angst feelings, she didn’t want to push him in these feelings either. He’d tell her when he was good and ready. Slow and steady wins the race after all. Besides, if she was wrong and he didn’t have feelings for her, she’d definitely be tossing this good thing they had going out the window directly into the dumpster. She had to admit though, waking up this morning cuddled into him was the loveliest way she’d ever woken up in her life. She could get used to that.

She wondered if Douxie would be a wedding person or an elopement person. Not that she expected him to marry her. But it would be nice. She rolled over and found her phone on the nightstand. There wasn’t any harm in looking at some wedding dresses, right? Just in case. Y/n listened to Nari yawn and shuffle over to the bed. She opened an arm for the forest child who snuggled in, curious at what Y/n was looking at. Y/n tilted the phone for her to see. Nari really liked the poufy dresses. She’d point excitedly to the one’s she thought were pretty while Y/n scrolled. While Y/n wasn’t a fan of big frilly stuff herself, she had to admit, those poufy dresses would make her feel like Cinderella, which was never something she’d have thought appealing, but somehow it was. There were some really gorgeous not poufy ones also, and even a cool black one. Some that Douxie might like too. Y/n leaned more towards those, but wasn’t gonna tell Nari that. The veggie lady sure was having as much fun as her right now, surprisingly. Hopefully she wouldn’t blab any of this to Hisirdoux though.

Speak of the devil, he came out of the bathroom and sat on the end of the bed. Y/n quickly closed the app she was scrolling through. She sat up, taking Nari with her. Archie yawned and stretched, after sensing movement in the room. He moved from the chair into Douxie’s lap. After giving Arch a good scratch behind the ears, Douxie turned to Y/n.

“So, what’s today’s itinerary?”

“I-, wait, why do I have to be the one who decides what we do?”

“Because you’re the one who likes to have a plan when it comes to these things.”

“Fair enough.” Y/n pulled up google maps. If she had known she would have to do this she would have done it while he got dressed instead of fantasizing about their wedding. “Okay, so as much as I hate to say this, but we gotta go back to the store today.”

Douxie groaned as he laid back. His still wet hair was gonna dry funky like this, but he didn’t care. “Fine. We’ll do that in Illinois. We gotta get out of this town before anything else.”

“I agree,” she paused, seeing something that caught her eye. It would be frivolous, but she couldn’t help herself from asking “Ooh! Can we stop in St. Louis?”

“St. Louis?”

“Yeah! It’ll be fun, Douxie. We can go sit in those cafés that people go to in the black and white movies, we can go take a cheesy tourist picture of us by the arch thing, and I’m really craving some St. Louis butter cake now.”

Doux laughed. “Okay, but only for a few hours, Love.” The least he could do was let her have a little down time to relax and have fun after this hell week. Highly populated cities were good for throwing off their scent too.

“Thank you,” she went back to her map, snickering, “And we’ll stop in Effingham to shop.” She snorted.

“Effingham?” Douxie said it correctly, in his proper accent, which was not as amusing.

“Effing. Ham. Baby.” He rolled his eyes.

They booked it out of that motel and out of that town. Douxie all but tossed the room key into the creepy innkeeper’s hands as they rushed out. Back on the boat, safe at last. He ran a mental headcount once they boarded. Y/n always held Nari’s hand when they went places, so they wouldn’t have to worry about her wandering off, but it still made Douxie feel better to go over his tiny mental list and make sure they were both still safe and with him. Archie, he didn’t have to worry about as much. Even if the cat-dragon wandered he’d always come back. He could track Douxie by scent for a hundred miles too. Y/n had a habit of getting lost, though. He had to keep an eye on her. He didn’t need her and Nari off in fairyland where the Order could find and abduct them at any given time.

Douxie’s hair had still been damp when they set off, but the wind took care of that for him. Sure, wind-tousled bangs were in, but not bangs tousled by real wind. He was sure he was rocking it though. He could pass it off as something he did on purpose. People already thought his relatively tame style was outlandish, they’d just think the messy hair was part of the look. His only qualm was Y/n. He didn’t want to embarrass himself to her any further. His Camelot self already inflicted so much damage in that department this week. That moppet with a man bun had messed up spells, quoted sappy poetry to her, bragged about being Merlin’s apprentice, and even tried serenading her with his lute in attempts to impress her. It was mortifying. He had spent the first part of their Camelot adventure distracted by having to keep Y/n away from his younger self. It was not good for the whole ‘save time’ mission. Thankfully, he had Claire there with him, who had agreed to help him once she had buggered the information out of him. Thank Merlin for nosy teen girls. Claire was a godsend.

He had to admit, he was a smidge disappointed that she didn’t bring up the cuddling. Y/n hadn’t even made a joking reference to it in passing. He would have to bring it up then. But when, how? It wasn’t exactly something that would come up in natural conversation.

He watched her, hanging over the ship’s railing again. They passed a field with some cows and she made sure to point at them and say cows. He smiled at that; Y/n always managed to make him smile. He could recall how bad he had felt when Jack left and he thought he was going to have to fire her, his only employee, to keep up with rent. He had asked Zoe if he could put up a flyer in Hextech in a desperate attempt to find someone before that had to happen. And low and behold, among the three answers he got to the ad was miss L/n herself. It was an easy decision really, and it took away the uncertainty since he knew she was someone that he already liked. As a bonus, Y/n didn’t have a familiar of her own that might fight with Archie, because let’s be real, as much as Douxie loved Archie, the dragon-cat wasn’t afraid of stepping on toes. Although, it did feel kind of strange to give Y/n her paycheck and then for her to hand a little more than half of it back to him on rent day. But it just worked.

He remembered the first time he walked by the fridge to see that not only had Y/n added some fridge magnets to the kitchen, but she had taken the time to write a message to him. It, um, was sort of a rude note, meant to tease, an inside joke. Which he thought was funny, he just wished Zoe hadn’t seen it. It was hard to explain, and Zoe never let him hear the end of it. Archie got a kick out of it too. Y/n would switch the message almost daily, and it never failed to make him smile. He still had to deal with his friends seeing them and teasing him about it, but he’d never change her magnet jokes for anything. They would stay there until she replaced them with equally embarrassing messages meant just for him. It felt sweet to know someone was thinking about him enough to come up words meant to make him laugh on a daily basis.

They had just passed by a town called Eureka, which meant they were coming up on St. Louis. Good. Douxie couldn’t wait for lunch. He had the appetite of a winning fat bear these past few days. Probably the stress. That butter cake Y/n had mentioned was sounding so tasty. He could almost smell it. What Douxie hadn’t considered when he agreed to this was that the magic flying ship couldn’t go through metropolitan areas. Well, it could, but it’d be seen. So despite his growling stomach, he wound up taking the ship around the entire concrete jungle of Missouri, staying in the forested areas. He figured he could park the boat over in Illinois, just outside of St. Louis. This added a whole other hour to the trip than he was expecting, but now at least he knew to take large cities into consideration when choosing routes.

After hiding the boat in a heavily wooded area, the four took the bus into downtown. So when Y/n said she wanted to go to an old café from a movie, she had meant a very specific old café from a specific movie. She had told him it wasn’t a big deal and there were plenty of other cafes, but Douxie was gonna get her there by golly. And he did. The happiness written on her face was worth the extra bus miles. And wow, this café had some delicious food. They had salmon, which Archie enjoyed a little more than usual. Said something about paying himself back. As if he paid for anything, being a cat. That St. Louis butter cake did not disappoint. Archie was pretty fond of the cake too. It was too sweet for Nari, though. Y/n savored every bite. Doux watched her, while he ate his own, and it was so cute how smiley this was making her. He’d learn the recipe for this cake so he could make it for her once they got… home.

Douxie was still trying to shake off that depressing thought when Y/n finished up and was already trying to get the move on. Not without getting a picture first, of course. Not satisfied with just the scenery of the café itself, she begged Douxie to pose for her in various spots around it. He obliged, despite his scruffy appearance. She didn’t think he was that scruffy, and what was better than pictures of her favourite person in a cool place she’d always wanted to go. She also snapped one of Archie to post to her cat insta she secretly kept of him. Douxie knew about it, and contributed pictures to it himself, but neither of them were about to tell Archie he was internet famous as archie_the_emo_kitty. These pictures were going to hold good memories in them. All pictures do.

There was one more photo Y/n wanted to get. Silly cliché tourist picture with the gateway arch in the background. She wanted at least one of just her and Douxie, after the group photo. She’d have to somehow get one of Archie too, since she wasn’t about to pass up the chance to make a pun in the caption about Archie being in front of the arch. As she pulled Douxie close to get the picture, she got an idea. She asked him if they could get just one more. He was holding the phone since his arms were longer so he was able to get better angles with them both in it. He agreed, happy to do anything to keep that grin on her face longer. This time, when he leaned down to make their faces closer together, Y/n gave him a kiss on the cheek. The shutter snapped. Look, she wasn’t going to push, but she could nudge. Y/n pulled away and grabbed the phone to look at how it turned out, so cute, and Douxie just stayed there, leaning over, still as a statue, with wide eyes.

“Did you just- k-kiss me?” He didn’t so ecstatic. Maybe she was reading him wrong after all. Okay, time to deny.

“Yeah, it was just a cheek kiss, Doux. It was a cute pose for our picture, see,” She showed him the picture. A perfectly captured moment where they looked so happy. Where her lips would forever be on his still burning face. “Friends do it all the time.”

“Oh. Ah, okay.” That sounded disappointed, and his face wasn’t the picture of joy before, but now he just looked crestfallen. Okay so she wasn’t reading him wrong before. Good to know. She’d,, have to fix this now. She casually grabbed his hand and laced their fingers. That got him looking back up from the ground.

“C’mon, we’ve got about ten minutes to catch the next bus.”

~ ~ ~

Effingham was a quaint place. Y/n had only chosen it for it’s funny name, but it was surprisingly pretty okay. It was home to the world’s largest cross. Which would be cool, for it’s target audience, Y/n supposed. And they had a train depot. Fun. And exactly one singular popular restaurant. Which wasn’t that much more than Arcadia had, Y/n had to give it to them. They were in this tiny little mall, to see about finding some spare clothes. Y/n stopped dead in her tracks to gawk at a store that’s sign identified itself as Rural King. She tugged Douxie’s hand.

“Oh we gotta go in there.”

Douxie took one look at it and shook his head, “Are you really going to drag us into a hunting store just because it has a silly name?”

“No, I guess not,” Y/n took one last look at the place, “Can I at least get a pic of you posing in front of it?”

“Fine.” Douxie suppressed a grin as he complied with her silly request.

Once they got into a real store though, Douxie leaned over to Y/n to tell her something without the clerk hearing. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I’ve got an appearance modifier spell I’ve perfected over the years. We’re not actually here to buy anything, just get some inspiration.”

Y/n nodded, fascinated. Well, that’ll take care of the extra spending problems. Now came the fun part, finding a new look for Nari. Speaking of whom, she was over at a rack, trying on those fake fashion glasses without real lenses in them. She looked really cute in every pair she tried on, and they helped obscure her face. Good. She really took a liking to this square tortoiseshell pair. Y/n took a mental note. It was going to be getting cold soon, and plants tend to freeze in the cold, so they took the veggie lady over to go check out the winter coats. Nari picked out a puffer that looked pretty comfy, but she didn’t like that it was red. It reminded her of Bellroc. Douxie assured her that the one he’d make could be any color she liked. Not surprisingly, she wanted it to be green.

Y/n just decided on a simple outfit for herself, consisting of a black and white striped long-sleeved tee, a black short sleeve tee to layer over that, and a classic pair of jeans. It was easy, comfortable, and didn’t draw much attention. A band kid staple too. Nari wanted to be similar to Y/n and also decided on a striped tee and jeans to go under her coat. Now they just needed to find her something to contain that gorgeous head of grass. Y/n glanced over to see Douxie trying on a cap in the hat section. Perfect. They’d make her a hat. It’d be a big hat, but nothing too much.

Douxie actually did buy a couple of backpacks from the shop. Y/n was a bit confused but he told her how for some reason he couldn’t enchant something that was technically an illusion itself so he had to buy physical bags since he wanted to enchant them to be infinite vessels or something. Y/n nodded. This was interesting. She was pretty good at the magic she did know but it was mostly by instinct. No one had really taught her the technical side of it like this. She never really knew how stuff worked, just that it worked. They headed to the dollar store after finishing up with the clothing, which surprisingly, this little mall had in it for some reason. They quickly found all those necessity items they needed and got out of there fast. They were burning daylight after all.

Once back at the boat, greeted by Archie who was glad they came back within a decent time this go around, Douxie got to work. First, he enchanted those backpacks. Y/n watched his every move, fascinated, and taking mental notes. He stuffed the supplies into the bags, making sure each had emergency food and medicine just in case they’d ever get separated. The first aid kits were a great idea, considering he didn’t know much healing magic himself and Y/n could only do a temporary pain relief spell. Having stuff to bandage up wounds in their bags made Douxie feel slightly better.

Y/n filled Douxie in on the specifics of Nari chosen disguise, and he set to work on that. It came out pretty cute. Nari liked her new duds, taking her time to look over herself. Y/n handed the veggie lady her phone with the front facing camera on so Nari could use it as a mirror. She really liked that. Y/n snickered at Nari trying out different angles.

He moved onto Y/n. He didn’t magically fairy godmother her like he did the forest child, he just made her a spare set of clothes to go in that backpack. He made them according to her request, but paused at the tee shirt. “Do you want me to put a logo or something on this?”

Y/n twirled her hair around her finger. “Hmm. I’m thinking, Ash Dispersal Pattern. They’re my favourite band, ever heard of them?”

Douxie laughed as conjured up the tee. He picked one of his favourite designs from past merch. It could be considered vintage now, but it wasn’t that long ago to Doux. He fancied the idea of getting to see her in his merch a lot more now. She did have one of their tee shirts back in the bookstore, but she didn’t wear it often as it was in rotation with other band’s tees. He didn’t have competition anymore, it seems. He grinned as finished up.

“Anything else?”

“Yes, actually. Now that I know you can just magic up clothes for yourself, I would like your hoodie.”

“I can make you a hoodie like thi-“

“No, no, I want the one you’re wearing, thank you. It’s warm and familiar and it smells like you.” She said half-joking, half-serious. “It would make me feel safer.”

Douxie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. In fact some part of him thought he may have just daydreamed that. He wordlessly forked over the hoodie. She took it merrily and put it on, giving it a sniff for good measure. Now he really was daydreaming.

“Thank you, Dewdrop!” Oh, he had a pet name now. He’d hadn’t heard that one yet. Frisky people had called him all sorts of strange and embarrassing things over the centuries. But this one was a first. He guessed it was a play on his name. Dewdrop, ay? That was so soft and sweet. A shiny little dewdrop, the first thing you see in the morning. Ah. It seems that miss L/n was plotting to kill him. She was succeeding.

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