#obviously i don’t think zayn was telling the whole truth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jarofstyles · 4 years

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SK8ER BOI II- Ollie

A/N: oooOOOO here we go! a little more development before the rollercoaster starts. The little angsty elements make it that much more exciting though. Enjoy! - n + d

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pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: drug use (weed), cheating, smut, ass play

word count: 10.5k

The next day at school, it wasn’t hard to find Y/N. She stood with her friends as Harry skated past, waving at her as he went by. His black sweater and jeans were practical and normal wear.

“Since when were you friends with him?” One of her friends asked with raised brows. “He’s not the most social of them all.”

It was true. Harry tended to keep to himself and minded his own business, stayed with his group of friends and didn’t bother anyone. He hooked up at parties to be people’s bad boy fantasies and all that but he wasn’t much of a talker in social situations. Not a lot was known about him besides he smoked weed, drank, hooked up and was generally a nice guy. You could label him a stoner skater and it wouldn’t be wrong.

It was really nice to see Harry, Y/N thought it was cute that he waved when he skated past. It did bring a smile to her face. “Oh, we’re assigned partners for Mr. Beck’s anatomy class.” Y/N explained, “he’s actually really nice. Easy to work with.” She nodded and noticed Timmy looking at her with furrowed brows. “I’m going over again on Friday to work on it.” She let him know, wrapping her arm around his waist from behind and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You alright?” Of course Y/N just had to act as she would normally, she couldn’t let anyone know of her little secret. It wasn’t that hard keeping up with Timmy though, she did genuinely care about him and affection was her immediate way of interacting with him. Hugs, kisses, nothing had changed really.

“Nothing, babe, was just curious.” Timothée smiled down at her and leaned down to peck her lips. Y/N rested her head on his shoulder and sighed, that spark really wasn’t there.

Even Harry noticed, there was no chemistry. Lighting up a cigarette, he leaned against the tree with Niall talking Zayn’s ear off, watching the couple. It looked like they were friendly but the guys’ arm stayed on her arm. The boy didn’t loop around her waist, didn’t hold her body closer— no. It was a very obvious thing to him now more than ever.

“I’m positive he’s not into girls.” Harry said. “Nothing wrong with it but... Y/N’s hot. He’s literally not touching her at all.” He spoke lowly. His friends didn’t know he was hooking up with her and it was normal for him to have random outbursts like this so it was okay for him to say.

“Ya think? He looks sickly whenever she kisses him.” Niall snickered. “It’s fine but, he shouldn’t string the poor girl along.”

Harry agreed.

----

The rest of the week went by just fine but realistically Y/N was excited for Friday. Maybe it was bad of her to get all ready for him as if they were a thing, but she wanted to feel nice and look nice for him even if it was just someone she was hooking up with. Y/N had taken extra precautions, telling her mom she was working on a project with a friend but she might go to Timmy’s after to spend the night. Now. Y/N wasn’t sure how long she’d be staying, but just in case. She wanted to have as much time with Harry as she possibly could. So, she got dropped off at Harry’s around 5 after dinner, her heart beat picking up again. She had worn a set of underwear with little hearts on it, thinking it was cute. Y/N didn’t feel comfortable wearing overly sexy sets, they just weren’t her. Hopefully Harry would think they were cute. She wasn’t even sure if they were for real going to do stuff again, but she could only assume so.

He had kept an eye on Y/N and Timmy for the rest of the week and struggled to understand why Y/N was still with the dude. He didn’t pay her much attention. Sure, he would kiss her head or rub her arm but there was no physical affection. From what Harry has seen, Y/N thrived off of being touched. It must be really hard for her. He didn’t know why she went for that and stood for the treatment especially when she was barely getting anything out of the agreement. It confused the fuck out of him. Either way, he tried to stay out of it. the house was clean and Y/N was coming over and he had questions for her, so he would ask them later. He figured if it ran late enough he could order pizza and bring her home. Or whatever she was doing next. It was Friday. He was just planning on smoking and using his telescope.

Y/N texted him saying she was there and smiled up at him when he opened the door. Just as last time, the kitties came running over to greet her and she couldn’t help but smile, again dropping down to pet them all.

“Hi my angels!! I missed you.” She giggled, letting one of them climb up onto her lap. She picked it up and nuzzled against it, pressing a kiss to its nose and hummed as it purred and went to kiss her nose. “Awe, thank you!” She cooed, setting it back down. She stood up when she heard Harry clear his throat, blushing a little. “Hi.” She giggled and brushed her skirt down. Y/N took her shoes off as usual and left them by the door before following him up the stairs to his bedroom. She’d noticed he had candles lit this time, had some fairy lights going too. Was he setting the mood? “It looks nice in here.” She complimented, taking a seat on his bed. “How was your week?” She asked, wanting to make some kind of conversation because she really didn’t want to just blurt out about how she’d been thinking about his dick the whole week.

“Thanks. M’gonna smoke a bit and look at my telescopes later so I made it cozy.” Harry shrugged. Also, it would be easier for her to be comfortable around him. A good atmosphere was important. “What about you?” He laid his laptop out on his bed. Today he was in comfortable clothes. A sweatshirt and joggers but— it was kind of hot. He had a tank top underneath, so he slid it off and let himself be clothed in just the tank. It showed off a nice amount of tattoos. His parents were cool like that. They let him get them as long as he did well. Said it was his body and his choice to regret it if he did one day. “Ah, Muffin likes you.” The orange kitty weaved around her legs, mewing to be picked up. It did indeed love Y/N and her good energy.

“Is that what you do most nights then?” Y/N asked curiously, wondering if astronomy was something he was majorly into. “Didn’t know you were into astronomy.... then again, I don’t know a lot about you so.” Y/N chuckled and blushed, swallowing thickly as she admired his tattoos. “Those are really nice by the way.” She spoke, nodding to his arm. Y/N knew she was awkward with making conversation, but hopefully he got the hint that she wanted to hear more about him if he let her. “I’m supposed to go to Timmy’s later.” She explained, knowing he probably wouldn’t like that. Truth be told, she’d rather stay here with Harry, but she hadn’t spent any time with her boyfriend this week and she felt bad. “Hi muffin.” She cooed down at the kitten in her lap, “you get as cozy as you’d like, okay?” She told the cat not expecting it to respond with a meow. Y/N looked at Harry with wide eyes when it happened, “oh my goodness!!”

He laughed under his breath. She was going to her boyfriends after getting her shit wrecked by Harry? Part of him liked it. She would go and think about how Harry was by far a better choice. There were no ifs ands or buts. He was annoyed on another part because he wasn’t sure why she kept giving the dude the tone of day, but apparently that wasn’t his business. A slight smile came on his face as he looked at her with the cat in her, astonished that she had talked back to her.

“She likes you quite a bit.” He commented, bringing his computer to his lap. “But thanks, about the tattoos. I love em. And I love astronomy. The stars and all that stuff. My dad works at NASA, so I’d like to go there too.” He hummed. “Not an astronaut cause, I’d go crazy being trapped in a ship but... learning about it. It’s cool.”

Y/N was surprised to hear it, but her heart did swell. Something about men that loved the stars made her all gooey because they were naturally dreamers regardless if they saw it that way or not. She knew Harry was artsy, liked that he was in fact, it gave him a lot more depth. Fuck. She needed to stop thinking that way.

“That’s so cool! You have to be really smart for that.” Y/N said, knowing he must have to be a genius to work for NASA. It was an extremely complicated job, lots of math involved, but Harry seemed to be somewhat offended at her question. “No, no— I didn’t mean it like that, I just.. sorry, I knew you were smart I just. I shouldn’t have assumed, I’m sorry.” She spoke, feeling herself blush. He was far smarter than her that’s for sure. She of course was just trying to be a teacher, well.. she didn’t quite know what she wanted to be yet. Y/N was often stuck in feeling like she didn’t really have a purpose.

“It’s cool, I get it. A miswording.” Harry chuckled as he saw her panic that she offended him. He was used to people putting him off as a lazy student because of his looks and calm demeanor. But she obviously didn’t mean it. “Yeah, it’s what I want to do. Lucky my dad is there but I’m not gonna get a job by slacking, so I make sure to get A’s. A lot of people don’t expect it of me but it’s fun. School is really easy for me.” He didn’t have to try. He was that lucky bitch. It came to him naturally. “But what about you? What do you want to do?” He was curious what she would be interested in. If she wanted to be something specific or if she was figuring it out. He could see her doing something artsy or with literature. She seemed to be a bit bookish when it came to that.

Y/N was happy to know he did well in school, glad he found it easy because she was often panicked with how difficult it could be whenever there was all too much going on. “I think that’s great though, it’s nice to have a passion.” She said, petting the kitty in her lap. “I um... I don’t really know yet. I thought I wanted to be a teacher, cause I really like little kids and I’d really like to help them learn.” Y/N explained, “but sometimes I wonder what else I could do? I second guess myself a lot.” It was a struggle for her internally but she knew she’d figure it out eventually. She did have lots of passions, writing being one of them, she just didn’t think it was worth the stress of money. She let out a deep breath, watching the cat jump out of her lap to get some attention from Harry. She went to work on the project wanting to get a lot done so that they could do stuff, if of course he wanted to. Again, she didn’t want to assume that it was a more than one time thing.

“It’s okay. It’s definitely hard. You don’t have to know now. I’m lucky cause my parents just let me find what I like and I was early on with what I liked. They put a pressure on us to know right now and we don’t have to.” Harry shrugged. “My whole side of my dad’s family is into space and engineering. It was funny when he married my mum because they’re kind of opposite? He’s practical in work but goofy as shit at home. My mom is like... the best. But she’s the one who makes sure my dad doesn’t just buy a Jeep for the fuck of it.” He laughed. Their careers and their personalities matched well though. It was easy to open up to Y/N because she genuinely seemed interested in what he had to say. Plus, it wasn’t classified information. “What do you like? You should try and look into stuff that’s like... that you’ll enjoy. No sense in working a job you hate forever.”

“Your parents seem really cool.” Y/N smiled brightly at him, genuinely happy that he had a good life. Harry didn’t deserve to feel hurt ever. No. He had a good head on his shoulders and a great support system. She felt like there was a spot for a nice girl in his life, but it seemed like he wasn’t actively searching for one? Maybe that was a sore subject. She let out a breath, “I really like writing, it’s fun for me to express myself in that way. But I don’t think I’d be a very good writer as a job or anything. That’s mainly why I said I’d be happy with teaching, cause I know I couldn’t ever be upset knowing I’m teaching little kids something... giving them a good example. Know how important it is to have good teachers that make you feel comfortable.” Y/N was really enjoying just getting to know Harry. It was easy talking to him, he was lovely, really. No judgement at all and of course he gave great advice. It was then that she got interrupted by a call. It was Timmy.

“Hey... is everything alright?” She knew he wouldn’t call unless it was urgent.

“Hey, Uh... I don’t think we can do Tonight. We’re super busy with the committee and planning stuff and I wouldn’t be good company.” He said distractedly. He was very focused on being student body president again and he took it far too seriously. “We can go out one day next week? It’ll calm down after I get reelected!” No it wouldn’t. He was always coming up with excuses. “But— sorry, they got food and we’re working on a new slogan for the posters. I’ll talk to you later, sorry.”

Harry could see her face fall and her lip start to tremble. He immediately felt concern, moving to sit up more on the bed and tilted his head as she let the phone fall on the bed. “Hey... what’s up?” He asked gently. Not sure what was going on but knowing that he probably should be concerned by the look on her face. “What happened?”

Of course. Excuses as usual. Y/N was trying, trying really hard to be a good girlfriend or whatever the fuck she was. God, she wanted to have a nice conversation with him today, ask him what had been up with him recently but he had been avoiding her like the plague. He didn’t like her even as a friend? Was that it? Even if he was gay, she could only hope he would tell her instead of stringing her along. Y/N wasn’t sure what to do because realistically it shouldn’t hurt her this much, but she had been with him for three whole years, been best friends before that. Course it hurts. Y/N swallowed thickly, tears starting to fall down her face as she looked at Harry. He’d think it was stupid. It was no secret that Harry didn’t like Timothée, at least to her at least. She didn’t want to look stupid.

“Timmy he’s busy with the campaign is stuff... said we can’t hang out.” Y/N sniffled, wiping her eyes. She was crying more so cause she was embarrassed. She felt like everyone knew and she was just getting dragged along.

Anger welled in him. How many times was this asshole going to hurt her heart? How could he not see he was selfishly dragging this shit out and leading her on when she could be out of that relationship and be shown an actual thing or two about a man.

“No... Y/N, don’t cry.” He whispered. Internally, he felt panicked but he moved over to where she sat and placed an arm around her. “It’s alright. He’s a loser for that. But I feel like there’s more to why you’re so upset about it.” He rubbed her back, trying to soothe her the best he possibly could. “Does he do this a lot?” He was curious, trying to understand her complete meltdown now from him not wanting to hang out. It had to be a common thing if she was this upset over it.

Hearing the words ‘dont cry’ only made her cry more, hiding her face in his chest. She didn’t trust her voice yet, a sob coming from her as she nodded her head to let him know it was a regular thing.

“Sorry...” She sniffled, trying to catch her breath properly. “I’m just embarrassed...” Y/N explained, “cause he just— he’d rather do anything than hang out with me.... and you know, now I’m suspecting he might not be straight, but to his knowledge he still thinks I don’t know. So he’s just— I don’t want to pressure him into coming out if he isn’t ready either! What if he isn't?” She felt more tears fall, wiping them aggressively. “Feel really stupid for being upset cause I feel like everyone knows except for me, and he’s just dragging me along and isn’t even trying to fake it— just hurts cause you know, thought he’d want to at least hang out with me cause he thinks I’m cool or whatever but apparent not.” Y/N felt very hurt, her heart cracking because she felt like everything was falling apart quite quickly and she didn’t want to just dump it all on Harry like this.

“Woah... hold on there. He’s the idiot, bunny.” He left a pet name slip. “What type of person does that shit to someone else? You are very cool. Very pretty. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s a him issue. A hundred percent not a you thing, love.” He was positive about that. Y/N hadn’t done anything to deserve this, at all. It made him sad to think that she could possibly be feeling as though it’s genuinely her fault. “It’s not stupid to be upset either. It’s valid. Doesn’t matter if he's straight or not. He’s pushing and stringing you along and not giving you anything but a title for it. I watched you both this week a bit. Sorry If that’s creepy but... he doesn’t treat you right. Even as a friend.” He explained. It made him so sad to think that the boy was hurting her for no damn reason. “Can I tell you something? I was wicked excited to hang out with you today. I've been looking forward to it all week. I don’t like hanging with lame people so... you’re definitely very cool.”

Y/N chuckled at his comment, sniffling a bit. “Are you sure you weren’t excited because you knew you’d get some?” She asked, looking up at him with wide eyes. Y/N wasn’t assuming he was like that, but no part of her believed she was cool enough for Harry and her tone displayed that. Harry was being very sweet to her and he absolutely didn’t have to. She could have just excused herself and collected herself and carried on with the project but he was being insistent on calming her down. She let out shaky breaths, staying snuggled into his chest because she found it to be the most comfortable thing. “Sorry I’m crying all over your shirt.” Y/N chuckled and pulled back, looking up at him with her eyes all blown. She liked him. She liked him a lot but she knew that he wouldn’t want to be involved with someone like her. She was such a baby and was scared of everything. She didn’t do drugs, didn’t go to parties, she wasn’t sexy. She just minded her business and watched anime at home.

“Woah... no, that wasn’t why I was excited. I mean, I was hoping we would do something but I wasn’t gonna push it if it didn't feel right. You’re a genuinely cool girl, Y/N. I don’t have a ton of Friends so like... it’s cool to find someone I think I can be friends with.” He was sad she felt that perhaps that was her only worth to him. It wasn’t at all. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about the shirt, I don’t want you to be sad.” He continued rubbing her back gently. Poor Y/N. She was a mess in her mind. “But you’re a lot more than just a hookup. To anyone. You’ve got a ton of worth and you’re fun to be around regardless.” He didn’t like the thought of her being sad. “We can just hang out after we finish the part we’re working on. We’re already ahead. I’ll uh... I can show you some constellations if you wanted?”

It really did mean a lot to her to hear him say that. Y/N always felt that she was constantly in her boyfriend’s shadow, always being called ‘Timmy’s girlfriend’ and never by her name at times. Y/N wanted to be her own person, liked that that’s how Harry saw her. It made her feel all warm inside. Her eyes rested up again but she didn’t cry, a smile finding its way to her face before she practically jumped him with a hug. Y/N squeezed him tight, nuzzling her face into his neck.

“Thank you.” She mumbled quietly against his shoulder, holding on to him tight for a while.

“I’d really like that.. the constellations.” She told him quietly as she loosened her grip, but stayed hugging him closely. It felt really nice.

“Great. There’s a ladder I have— we can get up to the roof and look at ‘em. It’s safe.” He had been up there so much that there was a railing on the roof his dad hired someone to put up. Just in case. “In the meantime, I can order pizza or something while we work? By the time it gets here we’ll be done.” He suggested. Feeling the nod in his neck he smiled, grabbing his phone and calling his favorite pizza place.

She had stayed in his lap while he ordered, his fingers going up and down her side as he got them a cheese and pepperoni as well as some of those cinnamon dessert sticks. She needed it after a hard day. Harry didn’t like physical touch all that much when it came to strangers but he already considered her a friend.

----

Working went by rather quickly after her little cry, they’d both decided they had done a lot of work today so they started packing up and Y/N was getting more relaxed. She had put her stuff in her backpack and moved it off of his bed by the door so they had more space. He was getting ready to go outside, gathering some things.

“Know you said you were going to smoke, you still can if you want, don’t want to ruin your night.” Y/N said softly, standing beside him as he opened the door to the roof. It was really cool how he had a place to look at all of the stars, his family must be extremely proud of him.

Harry helped her climb up and gave her a blanket to lay out while he brought all of his stuff up. He seemed really excited to be doing all of this and that made her smile, she was excited to get to know him on this level, hear him talk about things he was passionate about.

In Harry’s eyes, she couldn’t ruin his night. Not when she was excited to learn about the stars and things like that. She didn’t make fun. Instead she accepted his passion and was eager to have him explain. He grabbed some of his equipment, bringing it up so they could look at the planets visible if they wanted to. The door was closed so the cats didn’t follow them up there, Harry also bringing a sweatshirt for her to wear. It felt weird, giving a girl a piece of clothing to wear. Usually he hooked up and left. But Y/N deserved more respect than that. She was hurting.

“Here— Uh, you can wear this cause it’s a bit chilly.” He murmured, handing it to her to put on as he put the telescope down and sat down next to her. She did, and he was happy because it was getting nippy out even though during the day it had been warm. “Let’s see... let’s look at constellations first and then I can show you my telescope and see other stuff.”

Y/N felt really cozy now that she was wrapped up in the warmth of Harry’s sweatshirt. She’d seen him wear it earlier, he also wore it to school. It was a big navy one that said, don’t trip. She knew that this didn’t mean anything though, he just didn’t want her to be cold is all. She pulled the sleeves up over her hands, pawing them up for optimum comfort and laid back on the blankets with him so it was easier to see. She scooted closer, looking up at the clear night sky. It was quite dark outside, but the moonlight illuminated everything just enough for them to be able to see what they were doing. Y/N was looking up at a bunch of stars, clearly, but she only knew a few constellations.

“Alright then, educate me, Mr. Styles.” She said with a small hum, just joking around with him.

“Starting simple I suppose. So... up there.” Harry pointed, getting close to her so they would have similar lines of sight. “That’s the Little Dipper. And right over there? The big one.” He traced them outline with his finger. “When I was little I wanted to be a star. Everyone thought I meant like an actor or something but no. I literally meant I wanted to be one of the stars.” He chuckled. “I study them instead. But it gets a bit overwhelming sometimes.” He adjusted his body so theirs were pushed together for optimum warmth and accuracy. “Each of the stars that makes up the constellation is a different galaxy. Our sun is a star. Isn’t that wild? Like... we are the stars in other universes. We are in their sky.” He paused. “At least if you believe in that sort of things. I do.

Y/N moved so that she was laying on the inner part of his arm, closer to his chest. It was a lot easier to look at them this way. She gasped as he pointed out the two, smiling because it really was beautiful. “You know... I have freckles that look like a Little Dipper on my arm.” She was really proud of that, and felt like he would appreciate the little fact. “Aren’t some of them like... based on Greek myth and stuff?” She asked curiously, naturally nerdy about those types of things. Y/N liked all kinds of mythological stories, loved hearing about what they were meant to teach people. She didn’t necessarily believe, but sometimes she wanted to.

Harry was very comfortable to lay on. They hadn’t exactly cuddled like this before, but she hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time they did this because she was much calmer now. She felt a lot more relaxed.

“Mhm. There’s Orion and his belt. The seven sisters. You can see them over there.” He pointed each one out. “The seven sisters is a star cluster that I particularly like. I always wonder what lies behind them. If it’s incredibly hot wherever it is because of the nearness of the stars.” He liked feeling her lay on him like this. It was relaxing. She was good to lay around with. “I suppose we’ll never know the absolute truth, unless a new technology comes out that allows us to go light years. Or aliens. Either way.” He was joking but also, not really. He believed in aliens. “Over there is the Gemini constellation. The twins. Also an astrological sign. Leo, the lion. Pisces. Represents Aphrodite and Eros tying themselves together to escape typhon, the worst monster in mythology.” Harry murmured. “I sit for hours out here and just stare. I know it’s a bit weird but it’s comforting at the same time it’s scary. That we’re so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things but... our beings can mean the world to someone else.”

Y/N nodded along, listening intently as he spoke. The sound of his voice alone was soothing, but she found herself turning her head to look at him instead of the stars an awful lot. She thought he was beautiful, especially in the moonlight. She needed to cut it out though. He was a good friend to her, she shouldn’t be getting too ahead of herself when she had just found something good.

“Think it’s really cool... always wondered about stuff like that. Space is really scary but very fascinating.” She said and let out a sigh, “if you ever want to talk about it more, we can...” Y/N blushed, genuinely wanting to hear random space facts if that was something he wanted to do.

She was finding that the little crush she’d always had on him was for good reason. He was a really cool guy. Really really cool. He was so relaxed and laid back, the amount of calmness he displayed was incredible. Maybe hanging out with him more would teach her to relax better.

“Yeah? You’re cool, Y/N.” Harry smiled at her efforts. She was really trying. Really, really trying to be a good friend to him and god if it didn’t make him want to make out with her. “Did you want to smoke with me? If not, I can sit at the roof door and we can talk from a distance so you don’t get any of the smoke.” He questioned. Harry didn’t want to pressure her but he did feel like perhaps she would like it. “It’s not scary or anything.” He could see her internal debate. “You’ll probably cough a bit at first. Some people are different. You’ll also probably be hungry, and it does make you a bit more horny than normal. At least it does for me, 100%.” He laughed. Y/N could benefit from it. “But I like it cause it makes me feel a lot more relaxed and loosened up. It feels nice to not worry about tests or the future for a bit.”

Y/N looked at him with a bashful but curious gaze, “I um... yeah, I’d like to.” She said with a nod. It seemed like a good idea, relaxing? being hungry and horny? Sign her up. She knew he wouldn’t put her up to anything that could endanger her, besides, he did it all the time and he was just fine. She sat up and watched as he took out a little box, pulling out a ziplock bag of green clusters and a circular object. Y/N watched as he broke about a green cluster and placed it into the object, twisting it to grind up the weed. He meticulously rolled up one perfectly packed joint, pulling out a lighter before setting the box to the side. She was a little nervous, but he made it look so easy. Y/N watched as he lit it and inhaled with ease, it looked simple enough. She just had to breathe in. He passed it to her with no rush and she brought it to her lips and inhaled. Y/N felt the smoke fill her lungs but she did start coughing, getting used to the sensation.

“That was so weird.” She laughed a bit as she coughed but took another hit nonetheless, this time a bit more prepared.

“Yeah, it can be trippy when you first try and do it but it gets better.” Harry smiled at her attempts. It was admirable that she was so easily trying new things. It was something he liked about her. She didn’t judge much. They passed it back and forth and Harry had the bright idea to move everything inside before he was too lazy to, first bringing down the telescope and then helping her down the stairs.

“Wait— look at this. Lay on the bed.” He grinned, watching her confused face. He turned the lights down and flicked on the star projector that filled the room with many star-like projections. It made his room look like space. Even better when high. He hopped next to her in his bed. “What do you think?”

Y/N knew that she’d feel all floaty when high, but this was really cool. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. She carefully maneuvered down from the roof with Harry’s help, pulling off the hoodie because she suddenly felt very warm.

“Woah!” Y/N’s eyes went wide as she looked around the room. “You didn’t show me this last time!” She looked at him with a look of wonder. It was very much amusing. She laid back and closed her eyes a bit, just soaking in the moment and how much it smelled like him in his bed. “Feels really nice...” She said lazily to him, “can you come here please?” Y/N asked, her voice going all cute and soft. She just wanted to cuddle again. On the roof it was really nice and she thought it would be even nicer on a bed.

“Yeah, sure.” Harry liked her clingy. She was lovely this way. Being high made her ask for things she wanted, apparently and that was good for his sake. He immediately was met as a cuddly Y/N when he moved closer to her, letting her curl up next to him. Harry was feeling things out but he was curious to know what she liked. What she would want to do if they continued hanging out.

“How do you feel? Both being high and hanging out with me?” He wanted to show her how it felt to have a true friend. Someone who treated her nicely. That oui oui baguette boy obviously didn’t treat her how she needed to be treated. “You want to be friends with me, right? Cause we could do this shit all the time. I smoke with Zayn and Niall but they’re like, suuuuuper obnoxious with it.”

Y/N happily swooped her leg over Harry’s hip, her arm moving around his waist while her head rested on his chest. She sighed feeling finally comfortable, letting out slow and relaxed breaths as he spoke.

“I feel... floaty. Like, I have no thoughts yet somehow I can form sentences? It’s strange, but very cool.” Y/N giggled and shifted her head so she could breath in his scent a bit better. “I do want to be friends with you, you’re really nice.” Y/N spoke honestly, “if you would rather smoke with me or just hang out, we can hang out whenever you want...” Now that she was high she wasn’t really thinking about how things came out, she was sort of just saying them and hoping for the best. “I’m hungry.” She mumbled, “but I’m also comfy.” Y/N huffed, making it out to be the biggest dilemma in human history. She sat up though, remembered they had gotten pizza and smiled when she saw it sitting over on the coffee table. “Harry! You’re a genius!” She smiled and went to grab his cheeks. She kissed him once and got up to go grab the box to bring over to them.

He was surprised at how quickly she had kissed him, scurrying over time the pizza box and coming back to him. It was amazing. Y/N was sitting there looking all sorts of innocent when she had just kissed him and not even thought twice about it. She was munching happily on the pizza and he took a piece as well, letting her get comfy as they sat up on the bed to eat.

“I’m glad you want to hang out with me. I’m a cool guy sometimes, I think.” He had been told many a time that he was cool by his friends but it felt good to know she wanted to be around.

“I think you’ll like my friends. They’re idiots but they mean well.” He did love his friends even when they were stupid. They went to parties together and mooched off of the free alcohol. “But I definitely don’t kiss my friends like I do with you. Nothin’ against them, they’re attractive but, I’m not into beer breath.”

Y/N did a little happy dance while she munched on her pizza, focusing on getting as much as she could into her belly because it seemed like she could swallow the whole earth. “You are a cool guy. The coolest. Everyone at school wants to be friends with you.” She said honestly, knowing the hot gossip. “But I win.” She giggled, taking a sip of her water that she had laying next to her. Y/N felt herself getting full but then again she did just finish her third slice. The cinnamon sticks were her next victims, she let out a moan at the taste. “Really? Well, I don’t really kiss anyone like I kiss you anyway so....” Y/N shrugged, basically saying that he was the only person she kissed with passion and desire. Yeah she kissed Timothée but kissing him was more of a chore now that their relationship was falling apart.

“Yeah? That's a good stroke to my ego.” He did like knowing Y/N was happy with kissing him like that. He couldn’t help but be a bit proud of that. “You’re a great kisser. But if you keep moaning like that I’m gonna be tempted to bend you over.” His threat was lazy but he would happily play with her again. He wasn’t sure about fucking her. He didn’t want her to regret it. But she had the best ass and beautiful tits and he wanted to see her naked. “What? Don’t look shocked. You’re makin’ me hard with that moaning over food. You’ve got a sexy as fuck voice. I like Hearing it. Plus, I’m already attracted to you and know what your pussy tastes like so the weed isn’t helping my cock.”

“Well, I am a bit shocked.” Y/N chuckled, “Didn’t realize I was doing anything.” She blushed, putting the cinnamon sticks down because now they were getting into some serious talk. “I like when you talk like that..” Y/N told him, smoothing over her skirt a bit to try and distract herself but it definitely wasn’t working. The weed was definitely giving her a bit of confidence, mostly because her anxiety was shut off and she was just speaking freely. Of course, she still had that sweet innocence to her, that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard she tired. “Obviously haven’t done anything except for what we did the other day so... know I’m not exactly the sexiest.” She chuckled and looked up at him. She was aware of some of the different things you could do during sex but she wasn’t one to research. It made her feel gross watching other people, most because she didn’t find the men attractive and that was kind of the most important part.

“You’re sexy. Don’t say that about yourself cause you 100% are incredibly sexy.” Harry stopped that right away. He didn’t like her thinking that she was anything but a sexy little thing. “I love your innocence but... trust me. The used panties I came all over prove that you’re hot as fuck. You’ve got a dirty side. Just haven’t tapped into it yet.” He hummed. “I’m glad to know that you like me talking like that. You’ll be happy to know that I am willing to teach you or talk to you about anything you’d want to know, including sex. That much I am a very hands on teacher.” He wiggled his brows to make her laugh. “Do you wanna know somethin?” He asked. When he got the curious look he continued. “I couldn’t stop staring at your ass the other day. When you wore leggings. You stood right in front of the tree my friends and I stand outside of. You got excited and jumped a bit and your ass jiggled. When I tell you I was half hard the rest of the day...” He really was. “You’ve got the best ass. M’obsessed.”

“Really?” Y/N was intrigued. Did he really want to teach her about sex? Would he show her things and make her feel the way she felt the other day? It seemed like an offer she couldn’t pass up at all. “Not turned off by how I don’t know stuff?” She asked with furrowed brows, it was always something she was insecure about. “I know literally nothing though... I don’t really like watching porn it makes me feel gross.” His little story about her ass though? That made her rather excited. She had worn leggings because she had gym that day, thinking that her shirt would cover enough of her ass but clearly it didn’t. Not that she really cared because it was Harry who was looking. “Usually when I wear leggings I don’t wear underwear.” She said mindlessly as she took a sip of her water. “Is that something you like then? Are you like.. a butt guy?” She asked curiously, wanting to know more about what he liked. “I know you... you have a lot of sex, yeah?” Y/N asked with a blush, feeling like she’d get jealous if he answered.

“You weren’t wearing anything under them?” Harry felt his body want to explode. “Just walkin’ about with no panties and.. fuck me.” That was unfair. Cruel, really. He didn’t have his hands on her that day, and he would think of it every day forward. “I am an ass guy. I love tits too, don’t get me wrong but... there’s something about ass I love. But— I mean, I don’t have a ton, no. It depends. S’like an itch. If I need to scratch it, I will.” He could tell she would be disgruntled if he told her about his sexual escapades. “I know enough to teach you stuff. Whatever you’d want to learn. I’m not too shy of a guy when it comes to that stuff so you can ask me whatever you want. As long as you don’t mind me being dirty mouthed when I talk.” Harry got off on words. So knowing she was interested in asking things? He loved that.

“How often do you have an itch?” Y/N asked, raising her brow at him. Y/N did want to know, part of her did even if she would get a bit pissy about it. She had no reason to be territorial, but she just wanted to be the only girl he went to when he did have an itch. Y/N liked whatever they did the other day, no one had ever made her feel like that. She felt so sexy and beautiful and good. “I don’t mind.” Y/N shrugged, moving closer to him to get comfortable again. “It’s hot in here.” She sighed, getting up off the bed so she could take off her little corduroy dress. It still wasn’t enough though so she simply stayed in her little white socks with a laced rim and her set of underwear that had the cute red hearts on it. She slid back down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, “okay so like.. what do you like to do most then? Obviously there’s the actual sex but like, describe your fantasy. Mine happened the other day so honestly everything’s sort of free game now.”

“I swear to god, you’re my wet dream.” Harry closed his eyes as he tried to center himself. “Jesus... look at you.” He muttered, rolling his eyes over her body. “Love this shit. You’re not trying to be sexy, you just are.” His finger ran over the waistband of the panties on her hip before pulling back. “I like.. well, I love anal. Of course I love pussy, specifically the idea of cumming in one. But I haven’t done that yet. M’not into the idea of knocking up someone random but. I can’t lie and say that it isn’t something that’s hot to me. The idea of like... owning someone like that. A part of me in them. It’s hot but a lot of girls would think I’m actually trying time get them pregnant.” He rolled his eyes. “But I love dirty talk. have a filthy mouth and I know you’re aware of it.” He laughed quietly, pinching his bottom lip. “But yeah, I like eating pussy. Obviously. I like dirty shit, but anal is definitely something I love. Think it’s cause it’s a bit wrong in some people’s eyes. And ass is tight as fuck.” His eyes took in her curves. Yeah. Her ass would be the tightest. It’s never been touched. “What do you mean... your fantasy was the other day?”

Y/N was pleased that he liked her little set, “I did wear it for you in all fairness.” She shrugged a bit and flipped over so she was laying on her stomach, looking over at him while she rested on her elbows. Definitely so she could have her ass up and her tits on display. That was a subconscious choice though. “Never even touched my butt in that way before.” Y/N spoke innocently, “does it feel good?” She asked, genuinely curious. Everyone has an ass so of course maybe he’d know how it felt. “Oh, I’ve like... I’ve thought about what happened the other day a lot. Like, sitting in your lap and having you touch me like that and stuff... really like your hands, I think about them a lot too. And your lips, they’re like perfectly plump.” Y/N didn’t realize he didn’t know she had a crush on him. Her high brain assumed she’d told him.

“It does, but you’ve got to work slowly if you’ve never done it before. Some people like pain so they don’t work themselves open before but I always say that you should... ya know, get fingered or licked out back there and make yourself relax.” He wasn’t surprised she hadn’t touched back there though. “I’m interested to know... you’ve thought about me before? I didn’t know this. I didn’t think you realized I existed much.” He raised a brow, eying her ass. He moved a hand down to rest it on her lower back, playing with her panties. “My hands? That’s interesting. I’m just shocked you knew me. Let alone had those thoughts about me. Wow... that’s fucking cute.” He grinned. “What else did you think about me doing to you?”

Y/N looked away from him bashfully, simply letting him touch her however he wanted to. She really liked his forwardness, it got her going. “Yeah... I’ve had a crush on you since freshman year.” Y/N admitted, playing with her hands. “Thought about you a lot, cause like... you’re what I wanted timmy to be like.” High Y/N clearly spoke freely. Y/N had to think about his next question because in all honesty, she didn’t really know. “I haven’t really thought about anything else like that, just the basic stuff... I don’t know about all of the other things, I know lots of people are into different things.” Kinks, she was talking about kinks. “Is there anything like that that you like? Like— stuff that when you think about it you get all gooey inside? Or sometimes it makes you feel really alert and squirmy?” Y/N asked, remembering how often she’d see him and get that way. “Always liked seeing you skate and stuff, like your jaw gets all clenched and you look kind of angry... liked how big and ruff your hands are... and your arms they’re nice too.”

“Yeah... I like some stuff.” Harry coughed. Fuck, he was gonna tell her too. He was liking the honesty between them as well, knowing she was happy to blurt out shit like how she liked his hands and arms and when he got angry. “Kinks... there’s a lot of things I like to try. I don’t think they count as kinks but I do enjoy spanking. Like, I’d kill to spank your ass. See my handprint on it. I like kinda rough stuff. Don’t let this scare you though cause— we don’t have to.” He warned her. It wasn’t intense stuff but he was aware she was a complete virgin. He didn’t want to scare her off. “Like... choking a little. Hair pulling. Spit exchange. I loved when you squirted on me, it was messy and hot and that shit gets me off. S’why I came so fast.” He murmured. “Also would love to try overstimulation on someone. Make ‘em cum as many times as they can take. Toys. I have a few I’d like to buy but I don’t have people who come round to fuck. I wouldn’t do it at home with a rando. so... you’re definitely special.” He laughed. His hand was sneaking lower. “Mm, I love a bit of power exchange. And I like to be called Daddy. Fuckin hot.”

Y/N was very intrigued, her pupils likely blown out by the idea of Harry doing all these things to her. If he liked that kind of stuff, she’d definitely try it, because the other day she felt so good.

“The other day you made me cum like three times and it hurt but like.. it felt good?” She explained, “think I like pain though.” That would explain why she liked the concept of him spanking her so much. She liked the idea of being someone special for him. If he wanted to try stuff with her he could, she just wanted to be adored. It was then, when he told her he liked being called daddy that she felt herself whimper. She was getting really horny just talking about all of this stuff, but she was mostly curious about the ass stuff. So, she decided to be bold because the weed was giving her a new found confidence in her relaxed self. Y/N looked at him for a moment, feeling his hand resting on her ass. She moved it up against his hand and let out another little whine.

“Daddy? Can you play with my bum please?”’

Well, fuck. That was something. Something Harry really, really wanted to do.

“Christ...yeah, I can do that.” He whispered, happy that she was as into this as he was. Because— he definitely was. He moved, rounding her body so he could get the perfect view, the perfect angle so he could touch. He groaned when she stuck it into the air for him, swaying back and forth. She was trying to tempt him, and it was working. He gripped her hips before pulling her towards him, letting out a breath as he took it in. “Fuck me. You've got... the perfect ass.” He whispered, running his hand over it. Pulling the panties up so they were right on her , shaking them a bit before letting them go. “You... are so much trouble, little thing. Aren’t you? Gonna drive me mad.. walkin’ round in leggings with no panties on. Daddy’s gonna have to grab you and play with you next time I see you in them to check.” He muttered, beginning to peel them down. “Fuck, you’re soaked again.” He could see the wetness still stringing to the panties and he used a finger to catch some of it, licking it clean.

It was becoming clear that Y/N was less shy when she was horny. It was the one this she wasn’t afraid of asking for, especially after having that whole conversation with him. She liked knowing what he liked, now she could bring it up if she ever wanted him to touch her. She let out a pleased squeal when he pulled her towards him by the hips, leaning down when her knees brand so her ass could be as high up as possible. Y/N pulled a pillow down so she could rest her head on it and look back at him. She moaned at the idea of him pulling her away at school to mess with her.

“You always make me messy, daddy.” She told him, lifting her legs so he could pull her panties all the way off. Her cunt was needy, absolutely so, but she was intrigued by the idea of ass play. He seemed to be really into it too so she wanted to see him get all excited about it. “Can spank me if you want..” She gave him the go ahead, “Wanna try everything..”

He didn’t take a second chance. His hand came down, firmly on her ass. The panties off, he could see the skin jiggle under his hand and the pink mark begin to show, her squeal doing more to arouse him. Obviously she liked it, so he did it to the second cheek.

“Naughty little girl. Hm. You like daddy’s hands spanking you.” Harry said with pleasure. “So gorgeous.” He rolled it in his hands, squeezing hard on the freshly spanked skin to watch her writhe a little bit. “So you’re dirty like me then.” He hummed, grabbing at her and gently pulling her legs apart. “Let’s see that pretty hole.” Of course it was pretty. Never been touched, small. He was going to wreck it. Even if it wasn’t today. “Fuck. M’gonna fuck this hole if it’s the last damn thing I do. Fuck me.” He leaned over and spit thickly on to it, thumb rubbing gently over it in circles. Letting her get a feel for it.

Y/N liked it. She liked it a lot and it scared her because she was unlocking something she wasn’t sure she was ready to face. That was a problem for sober and none feral Y/N to face, right now she was too busy loving every second of it.

“Mmmmmmm” a long whine came from her as he rolled it in his hand, hands gripping at the pillow. Her legs spread with ease, her eyes closing as she relaxed the best she could. Y/N felt her cunt throb at his words, hearing him spit and feeling it drip down made her go absolutely insane. “Daaaaddyyyyy!” She whined, moving her ass back against his working thumb. Y/N was learning that she was also very impatient. Her cunt was in desperate need of attention and the thumb on her ass was only getting her more worked up. Thank god she’d showered before coming here and she was clean as a whistle.

“That sounds good coming from your mouth.” Harry whispered as his fingers ran over her ass. It was fine now to play with her. Y/N was a needy girl and he was finding this out day by day. “M’gonna play with you. Just lay and take it.” He settles and ran his tongue right on her hole. He knew she had never had this before so he wasn’t surprised when she jolted, but he simply spread her legs open again and took another lick. It was lovely. Not only because Harry genuinely liked eating ass but Y/N squealed, body squirming a bit with each lick. She was mouthy too, saying little babbles of how odd but good it felt.

Just lay and take it.

Oh my did Y/N like the sound of that. The feeling of him licking at her ass was different than when he ate her cunt. It was definitely pleasurable but not the same. Y/N didn’t think she could cum like this, but then again, he hasn’t exactly put his fingers in or anything.

“Feels nice..” She hummed as she got used to it, hands tightening around the pillow. My god what was she doing? She had a boyfriend for fucks sake but this felt so damn good. Y/N couldn’t stop seeing Harry after this whole project thing ended. She needed to do this again, wanted to do this all again. It really couldn’t be anyone but him. He did say he was going to play with her, what else could be in store? “Ah! Daddy!” Y/N squeaked, feeling him poke his tongue inside. Tingles spread through her at the feeling, it did feel really good. It was then that she felt him press his thumb into her, her ass tightening around his finger. It was so unfamiliar, but she knew she just had to relax.

“There we go. Not gonna do too much today work this. Gonna finger you and let you feel it, see the pleasure.” And then eat her out and cum on her ass. It sounded like a good plan. He slowly worked his thumb into her, moving down and licking from clit to her entrance. His thumb worked at her hole, giving her an abundance of sensations. “Hm. Maybe I’ll get a little vibrator and we can put it in your ass while I lick your little pussy. How’s that?” He asked. It was obvious that they weren’t going to stop doing this for a while. He was teaching her all about it now and he wasn’t going to stop. Not now. “Mm. Tastes so fucking good.” He took his thumb out, working in a longer finger. He wanted to fuck her ass with it while he licked at her pussy. “Feels nice too, hm? Havin’ me touch you everywhere?”

She whimpered at his offer, “please daddy..” Y/N pleaded all huffy and needy from the sensations. She was feeling him everywhere... it was making her go a bit crazy, especially because it seemed like an insane amount of teasing. It all felt really good, her whole body was feeling the waves of pleasure and all she could do was lay there and take it like he said.

“Like it so much, daddy... I want to feel more of you..” Y/N knew he would only give her little bits of newness each time, but she really wanted to feel like one with him. She wanted to feel him properly, look him in the eyes and have him make her scream for him like he had before. Y/N was a whiny horny mess all over again, Harry having unlocked pleasures that she didn’t even know existed before today. “So good to me, make me feel so good..” She wished she could thank him in some way, help him out but he was insistent on showing her stuff.

He had made her cum 3 times again. They were even bigger than before and she had in fact squirted again but he loved it. After cleaning up, he had her lazy, fucked out and high body laying on him as he relaxed.

“We’re gonna be good friends.” He hummed. Part of him was worried though. Because very quickly he was feeling a bit of a want for her. One where he could kiss her anytime he wanted but, she still was technically in a relationship. Regardless if he treated her shitty, it was still a title and he didn’t know how to ask her if she was going to break up with him. Did he even want a relationship? Would she want a relationship with him? Was he just a bad boy fantasy?

Regardless, it didn’t matter. Y/N was going to be his friend.

She pressed soft kisses to his chest, relaxing he had yet to get shirtless or naked for her. It was always her. But maybe that’s just how he wanted to keep things. On a friend level.

“Mhm...” Y/N hummed and again nuzzled her face into his neck, pressing soft kisses to his skin. “Thank you again...” She spoke just below his ear. “You me feel special.” Y/N was positive he was an angel sent to her. He truly made her feel like she was some heavenly being, made her reach highs she’d never felt and helped her let go of all the things that have her anxiety. She didn’t know how she could possibly thank him for it, but she would somehow. It wasn’t going to be hard to keep this from Timmy considering he barely hung out with her anymore, but she was going on a date with him sometime next week like he promised. She needed to talk to him, ask him about them and how he felt about them and why they weren’t having sex. She needed to get to the bottom of it.

The weird thing was, Y/N made Harry feel special too. And that scared him a little bit. It was difficult to get Harry to the point where he felt a deep connection with someone because he did fear a betrayal. Granted, he was the one helping her with a betrayal of someone else but... it felt so different. With the girls he slept with before, it was clear cut that it was only one night and it didn’t mean anything besides scratching an itch. He couldn’t say that about Y/N. He cared about her. Even more so finding out she had had a crush on him. It would hurt her more if he was a dick. She was sensitive emotionally and Harry was mindful of that. But he didn’t want to get attached when she already seemed attached to Timmy. He would have broken up with him by now if he was in her position. He wondered why it was taking so long. But either way— he wasn’t going to sleep with her fully until she was single. Just in case.

-------------------------------------------

[part 3]

A/N: the saga continues.... they really do get bold - n + d

let us know what you think!

masterlist

#writing #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #skaterboy!harry #badboy!harry #jarofstyles #harry writing

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 4 years

Note

I’d love to hear your thoughts on Louis’ class position if you want to elaborate.

What a great question anon - of course I would love to!

Louis was born in Doncaster in 1991. That sentance is a weighty starting point to a discussion about class. Eight years earlier, Doncaster had been the centre of militancy when Miners were striking to protect the possibility of decent work for working-class people. They had lost - and the price was losing was the devastation of work and the economy in the area.

I’ve always wondered if Len was a miner. The fact that he was working as a driver, makes it more likely - it’s a really common occupation among people who worked as miners. But whether or not that story of destruction and devastation is Louis’ family story, it’s still the story he grew up steeped in.

Jay was a working-class single mother at 19 (I think we know enough about her family to be reasonably sure at that). She would have studied throughout Louis’ childhood, and became a midwife in 2002 (although she had to put it on pause while the big twins were little, she must have gone back to it reasonably soon, because she was a senior midwife by the time she had the little twins). Jay and Louis’ economic position got more secure as time went on, not least because she got married, but both Jay and Louis have talked a lot about money being tight at various points. Once Jay was able to work as a midwife again after the twins were born - their family would definitely be in a better position than a lot of families in Doncaster. Both midwifery and selling cars to businesses (which is what Mark did) are borderline jobs when it comes to class. Although importantly at this point in Doncaster - they weren’t constantly being restructured (we don’t know much about Mark’s work history before he got hte job he had when Louis went on X-factor).

But (and I think this is really important) - Jay and Mark had very little that they could pass on to their kids - and expectations and experiences of working-class people in Doncaster weren’t getting any better.

So what does that look like from pre-fame Louis’ point of view? He’s growing up in a place where the ruins of class conflict lost still dominate both the emotional and actual landscape. At some point, they’re in a position of relative economic security - and there are definitely a lot of people around who want that more. His Mum is working very hard for this little bit of security, and encourages him to join in the project of becoming middle class,. But that’s far from the only influence in his life - everything that he’s done since made it clear that he paid attention to the working-class older men in his family and wider circle. And he’s definitely not seen as a middle-class kid to the people around him. Authority figures feel free to say: ‘you are going to have a miserable shit life and that’s what people like you deserve’.

Then at 18, everything changes. Suddenly he’s a popstar. He has more money and opportunities than ever seemed like it would be possible. But he’s still carrying his experiences of class over the last eighteen years. I think it’s clear that not every door felt open - that there were lots of ways he would continue to feel like a kid from Donny - and therefore aspects of London that felt closed to him (this is based both on the way he’s described his own experiences).

I think that early 1D was also pretty heavily media trained to be non-threatening. The London riots happened, just before they were launched. And the discourse of ‘chavs’ was very much at its peak. I think it would have been very important to their success that 1D came across as compliant, safe working-class lads. And I think Louis and Zayn would have been the members who were seen at most at risk of suggesting otherwise. I think Louis probably understood (he was used to the sort of requests that were being made) - and was reasonably happy complying. But I think it’s really important not to treat early 1D as their unfiltered selves - the class messages they sent to the audience were central to their success. (I always wonder about Louis saying Manchster United as his football team, rather than Donny Rovers, in the Chris Moyles interview in this context, but obviously that could also be about his boyfriend).

And (this is even more speculative) I think there may have been more going on than that. It’s very noticeable that until mid 2012 - Louis isn’t being styled in a way that might make him come across as more straight. I don’t think that can be an accident - I think Caroline knew what she was doing. I’ve always wondered if that was about class - that the most important thing for Louis’ presentation in that first little bit, was making sure that he didn’t come across as a dangerous and unruly working class lad - and if that meant he came across as more gay - well that wasn’t that big a worry. I wonder what that was like for Louis, to experience how others viewed his class-background and his sexuality as incompatible.

As time went on that obviously changed - Louis’ embraced working-class Yorkshire signifiers much more, in speech, life and styling over the latter years of 1D. Again there’s a lot going on and it’s hard to tell what’s causing what. I think it’s clear that football was really useful to him as a way of making sense of the world (I’m thinking of him linking to Joey Barton’s Oxford Union address).

As all this is happening, things are only getting worse in Doncaster, for the kids he went to school with. After the 2008 crash, and the austerity that followed, South Yorkshire’s economy contracted more than Greece’s. He’s aware of this, although he only mentions it obliquely - by talking of liking a Russell Brand video where he talked about the same thing.

In 2017, Louis launches his solo career and he explicit discusses class for the first time. He describes himself as a ‘chav’. Now most of my response to this has been pure rage at the class hatred that circulates in fandom. But in terms of understanding Louis, there’s much more to say. The first is that it is a selective presentation of himself. When Louis talks to a radio host who grew up on a council estate, it’s clear that he didn’t.

But also class discourse has moved on by this point - post referendum the working-class isn’t being presented as unruly young white kids who want things they shouldn’t, but angry older white men who don’t like what’s been taken away from him. I’m really interested in this choice, because I think people involved must have known about this change. I think sexuality probably again played a role - now being seen as an unruly working-class young person was less risky and being seen as gay was much more risky. But also how much of this was about Louis’ understanding of class and his life being stuck when he became famous? Quite a lot has happened since 2010.

But on top of that - I think it’s really clear throughout his solo career how much his class background and experiences means to him. We particularly see it in the music videos. The decision to do the Two of Us video is one thing, but the way Louis connected with Richard is so much more. ‘Chav’ Louis may not be the whole truth - but it’s obviously pretty key to who he is.

So to sum up, I think Louis grew up surrounded by quite explicit class understandings, both of loss and resistance. He’s made it clear that older men’s experiences was quite important to him (and in the 1990s in Doncaster that’s quite a specific set of experiences). He wasn’t ever quite able to be the person who would fulfil his mother’s class ambitions through education, but obviously fulfilled them in another way. That required him to manage and present his class position for an audience to be consumed - and made the relationship between class and sexuality not just a private set of questions, but something that his whole team would have a say in. As an adult, he has reclaimed and rejoiced in his class culture and background. This is sometimes very processed and presented as part of his branding, but it also seems to reflect how he interacts with the world.

#This is more about how I think he engages with and understands class #than his class position per se #the question of class and celebrities #particularly in Britain is another one #Anonymous

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1dsongpreferencess · 4 years

Text

63: BETTER OFF - ARIANA GRANDE (REQUESTED)

LIAM:

"You keep me in your orbit Well, I know I'm a hard one to please Give it too much importance"

You had no idea how you ended up being so in love with Liam. It was incredible how much you loved him and how happy you were by his side. You never had before a relationship that serious, and that was why it was crazy for you the idea of tomorrow being your first anniversary with him. You knew you weren't easy, sometimes you'll get angry about silly things or sometimes you would be a little bit dramatic than you should, but Liam was always patient with you and he always knew how to act. And that's why this celebration was really important for you, you wanted to thank him for everything he's done and for his unconditionally love for you. You've been planning for a month a surprise for him and you didn't know he was also surprising you. Good thing you both thought of different times of the day. You ordered something like a spa at home and at 8 am in the morning you were receiving some massages, then some jacuzzi time and other things to keep you both relaxed. Liam loved it and was very thankful for it. Then you had some brunch and you even make that his pancakes had the form of 365, he was really happy. Later you chilled for a while and in the afternoon he asked you to get ready for dinner. You decided to use a beautiful blue navy dress and do your hair. When you were downstairs he was wearing a black tuxedo that looked perfect on him. You had the most romantic night at some restaurant with a view of the whole city lights. "Thank you Li, for this wonderful year together and for this beautiful dinner," you said as you were eating dessert. "I love you Y/n, thank you for making me so happy".

LOUIS:

"And if we're being honest I'd rather your body than half of your heart Or jealous-ridden comments That come when you let in them feelings that I don't want"

You were completely sure about your decision. You weren't used to this kind of relationship but after thinking about it, it was better for you and Louis to only being friends with benefits, he was such a great friend and you had a good time fooling around but you knew he wasn't boyfriend material. In the beginning, you both were on the same page, you would hang out all weekend and sometimes stay on each other's places but other days you wouldn't even talk and that was completely normal. You felt happy about not having any drama about it but you were mistaken. Louis wasn't on the same page, without even realizing it he was falling in love with you and he suddenly was texting you and calling you every day, which at the beginning you liked it but then he would get mad if you didn't reply or something so you decided to confront him about it because this wasn't on your deal and he agreed on having lunch that day. You were at the restaurant and while your food was coming you decided to talk about it. "Lou, I need you, to be honest with me. I thought we were sure about only being friends but you're acting like it was something different and even though I care a lot about you I don't want anything different than that" he looked a little bit shock but understanding. "I know Y/n, and I wasn't planning on this but I feel different around you and I don't see you as a friend anymore" you nodded at him understanding. "Should we distance each other for a while? you said nervously. "Wouldn't you even think about the idea of us being more than friends?" he replied. "Not at this moment Lou" he seemed sad but answered. "Yes, let's keep the distance for a while" lunch after that felt weird but you were happy about being honest with him, maybe in a few months some of you would change your mind about it.

HARRY

"My love'll have you fall to your knees I tell them this too often Know better than to bark up my tree Just for me to fall and leave"

You knew you had a problem, you weren't able to keep on dating a guy more than 3 months because there was always something that you didn't like about him but the sad thing was that usually, they would fall for you and that made awkward saying goodbye to them. But this time you were hoping this would be different, this wasn't just another guy. It was Harry Styles and well, he was your crush since you were like 15. When you met each other you never thought he would be interested in you but suddenly he was texting you about going out for dinner and of course, you said yes. The date went great and you had a lot of things in common, there wasn't any awkward silence and you both laughed lots. You started seeing each other often to have some drinks, going to the movies, and going to parties together it was cool because you didn't have any pressure on things and weren't rushing even though he was always taking care of you. You were feeling different about him but in a good way, and suddenly you realized that this was working because he didn't have any expectations and either did you so when you started to let go of your fears you felt different. Months later you both were in love building a great relationship together feeling blessed to found him.

ZAYN: "Go on and face it, I'll never be ready for you"

You've always been patient about every aspect of your life, you knew how good things took some time. But this time, you were done. After months of dating Zayn and trying to understand how he wasn't ready for something serious, you feel pointless about keep on waiting. You knew you weren't official but by the way you treated each other you thought you were exclusive at least, but he wasn't on the same page. You decided to surprise him and bought some drinks and some appetizers to have a Saturday night at his place. When you arrived you saw some girl entering his house and he kissed her to say hi. You were shocked and felt sad and betrayed. You decided to not confront him but let him know you saw that so you sent him a message. "I bought some things for us to have drinks tonight but I saw you with that girl, hope you're having fun. This is the end for me. Take care" 2 minutes later he was replying. "I'm sorry if I wasn't how you expected it. You deserve better. Bye Y/n" At least he was being honest, but that didn't make it less painful, but now you knew the wait was over.

NIALL "You keep insisting I listen to your proposition I dismiss them all, no offense, yeah"

Niall was the greatest guy you've ever meet, he was kind, he was generous and he was a complete gentleman and that's why you never wanted to lose him as a friend. All your friends in common knew he had a huge crush on you but you always tried to ignore those comments and only be friends with him because you knew he deserved better, you weren't ready to commit to someone and he obviously was. And it wasn't about him only, there were other boys asking you out but you always denied those invitations, you were trying to focus on yourself and your professional success but the hidden truth was you were a little scared of falling in love after your last relationship. That night, Niall had invited you to his place and it wasn't weird because you would hang out sometimes. You were eating sushi and laughing about something you said and suddenly he was looking at you with love. "Y/n, I like you so much" he said seriously. "Ni, you know I like you too, a lot. But not in that way. I don't want to lose you" you replied looking at him sadly. He changed the subject and you were relieved but knowing that this wasn't the last time he was going to talk about it, inside you wished to not be that afraid of love.

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harrytheories · 4 years

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1. There's no way I buy they didn't know something anymore. Liam was getting drunk to get through shows. I mean you can hide that stuff but only for so long, there was at least one interview where Zayn was obviously high and it was clear everyone knew but just ignoring it. And I'm assuming his anxiety was known because Ben Winston felt the need to reassure him in that San Siro footage. Plus there's footage of what looks like him collapsing after the San Siro. How do you not see that? Add the

2. fact that Zayn was getting comments from fans, press headlines about his weight loss and Matt Lauer accusing him of being a druggy, even paparazzi coming after him. And that doesn't even factor in the racism and Islamophobia from fans and the media. But then I think about the story about Niall needing knee surgery and having to put it on hold and it doesn't seem that surprising the environment cultivated was pretty toxic and valued an "everything's great" approach to people admitting there

3. admitting there might be problems. Zayn talking about his issues got some sympathy but also a lot of push back and criticism and called ungrateful even though he talked repeatedly about how grateful he was, how much he loved it for admitting his frustrations, his issues, the fact that maybe they weren't all that close. The same thing happened when Liam started talking, some sympathy but people wishing he'd just shut up. And it's not a surprise that it's Harry, Niall & even Louis's "we loved

4. everything, don't know what they were talking about" approach that gets praised even though lately even they've started to admit and show even obliquely there were problems and that maybe the relationships weren't that tight after all. I always laugh when fans say they want a tell-all because I remember the reaction when it came out Zayn was writing a book and if people can't even handle Liam's comments, especially about Harry, I doubt many will be able to handle a real tell-all.

there is a lot to take in here but i definitely think there’s some excellent points here! tbh, it seems like there’s a point of even if they themselves knew there were issues within the band, it was everyone around them who was pushing as if everything was perfectly fine. there was such a push on them being this bubblegum pop boyfriend who doesn’t have sex or do drugs or whatever else, when we clearly know that was so far from the truth. it was such a toxic time for everyone involved and it’s becoming more and more clear as time goes on. this isn’t to say they didn’t have a great time over all or don’t have any good memories because that’s clearly not the truth, but there is so much that went down that was out of their control or hidden from the public eye that it makes me question what really happened.

i remember the whole zayn releasing a book thing and when he got honest with some things people weren’t happy with it. honestly, good for him for going public with such things. i only hope that others will feel comfortable to do the same thing one day. they are all in a much happier and healthier environment and thriving in their own way, so it would be very interesting to see them reminisce and be open about their past!

#Anonymous

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icarusgf · 4 years

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fun things to answer because you’re bored: favorite quote about icarus (i know this is going to be hard for you to pick one, sorry)? tell me a lie and then balance it out with a truth, don’t tell me which is which. where do you long to be right now? make me a five-song playlist. worst thing about pop culture right now? call me a name, it doesn’t have to be bad. favorite hot drink? tell me your ultimate music festival set list. .xx 💕💕

omg tysm for sending all this 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺

fav icarus quote is probably from this poem specifically the 1st and last stanza... it just makes me feel so warm and achey inside at the same time i love it

i’m an only child and i have a cat (up to u which one is true!)

rn i would love to be hanging out w my friends at like a cafe or smth like we would pre-corona but obviously that’s not possible rn :/

mitski - last words of a shooting star / thomston - the outskirts / oh wonder - plans / the icarus account - chicago / wrabel - 11 blocks

idk i think its kinda annoying that so many songs playing on radios rn/are rly popular are tiktok songs but maybe that’s just bc i don’t use tiktok LOL bc like.... usually tiktok songs only have 1 good part to them or they’re used bc there’s a joke u can make w them not necessarily bc they’re good songs so when the whole song plays on the radio it’s like... there are maybe 10 seconds max that are good and the rest is just weird

angel!!!!!!

probably just hot jasmine green milk tea, i have it every night and its rly good :)

this is just gonna be like my fav artists so its all over the place and wld never happen bc there are so many genres here sdkjfhds but zayn / taylor swift / 1d (ot5!!!!!! but still i want zayn to also perform on his own too LMAO) / mitski / lorde / rina sawayama / oh wonder / lany / fletcher

#ty for this honestly it was so entertaining to do during class nvkjfhsdkjdsfd <3333 #answered #zaynsatisfaction

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seasurfacefullofclouds1 · 4 years

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Do you think Camille really is an ex? He says Cherry is about her. Do you think H and L dated other guys?

I guess I don’t care that much. My takeaway from the Zane Lowe interview is that Harry seems very invested in the friend group he has now, and that includes Camille. When Harry says he feels safe now, it implies that he has found security where he didn’t before.

His management and his success have something to do with that, so kudos to Jeff and co., I guess 🙄.

I think fandom has to stop thinking that Harry somehow disapproves of HSHQ or the Azoffs, because they obviously have given him a lot— the means, the monetary success, and the overwhelmingly larger fanbase to dismiss what made him feel insecure or “unsafe” before— a way to embrace his dominance and the privileges that come with it. I don’t think Harry thinks badly of One Direction, but obviously he experienced a lot of jealousy, anxiety, and defensiveness that continues to eat away at him. But now he is the editor-in-chief of One Direction history, its main Wiki author, since he has the biggest platform to influence public thinking about the band. Having access to the biggest pop media outlets also gives him that influence.

He has new friends who don’t know this anxious past about him, or are at least able to rid him of the guilt. They embrace the same willingness to rewrite history and rise above others by any means, to assuage his feelings of guilt or anxiety with the peace granted by winning. The past is a blur. History is written by the winner.

We know this is true because... the winning part of fandom has already rewritten history. The Azoffs will eventually emerge the heroes (if they haven’t already). Louis and Zayn are already considered the bad guys of One Direction, and it might be even worse in a year. Fandom is naive if it doesn’t know this is how it has been directed to think for the last five years.

So maybe Camille will eventually be the real girlfriend and the real subject of HS2, its real heroine... what difference does truth matter, when the whole world believes in what big money tells it to believe anyway? Maybe Jay really didn’t take that OT5 photo— maybe Harry really doesn’t remember who took it, or who loved him so dearly. Maybe all the tweets about Harry&Louis didn’t mean all that much to him. What matters now is that Harry feels safe, and was able to find his Malibu.

You can either write this:

It comes, it goes

We're driving down a one-way road

To something better, something better

What hurts you is gonna pass you

You'll learn from it when it comes back

You'll be doing better, doing better

Or tell Zane Lowe “somebody’s mum” took a photo of you before you became a musical legend.

#harry styles #22 november 2019 #zane lowe #it makes me angry because of how much jay loved him #this is disrespect #johannah deakin

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niall-official · 5 years

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Happy 28th! I’ve read some great fics this month, old and new. These are in alphabetical order and, as always, please give kudos and comments on fics you’ve enjoyed! I’m still over at @verylarryfics reblogging more fic posts each day!

📚 Asleep and Dreaming by MrsStylinson (Harry/Louis, 20k) Harry still gets breathless just looking at him but after being best friends for two years you kind of just learn to laugh. Even when all you really want to do is stick your tongue down your best friend’s throat. Or perhaps that’s just Harry?

Or the one where Harry pines for a boy who completely turned his world upside down, not to mention his flat. As for Louis, he’s just a lot better at playing dead than he looks. Featuring night-time confessions, penis cakes and the inconvenience of falling in love.

📚 Big, Bright World by RealName (Harry/Louis, 35k) It really was just a little crush in the beginning, nothing to be worried about. Louis had never really liked anyone he'd worked with in the past, but he was sure he could control himself. Little did he know that over time his 'little crush' would develop into a blazing inferno of Hell-fire proportions. Every day, Louis' feelings became more intense, more immediate, each little smile and gesture and silly flirtation mounting up into something palpable, with a life of its own. Louis felt it every moment they were together.

The only problem? Harry was engaged to someone else and had been from the moment Louis started working at Visionary.

📚 Failure to Launch by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings (Harry/Louis, 29k) Desperate times call for desperate measures when Louis’ mother realizes her adult son may never leave the comfort of home, so she hires Harry, a highly-recommended professional interventionist who’s skilled enough to help push her darling son out of the bloody nest.

📚 i gotta get better! by reveries_passions / @dystopianharry (Harry/Louis, 4k) harry’s sex life has been pretty nonexistent since he broke up with his last non-soulmate boyfriend. after a chance encounter with someone online, he decides to enlist them to help him out. no strings attached, obviously.

or soulmates can feel each others’ pain and harry has some kinks he wants to explore.

📚 I'm Not Scared Of Love by EscapeFromReality777 (Liam/Zayn, 3k) "Show me Liam... teach me." Z murmurs, and Liam almost gives in, hearing his breathy voice. "...you must have practice... no one can resist you.. teach me your ways." Zayn continues in the same low voice, coming closer, beginning to corner Liam against the head-board, reminding Liam very much of a predator stalking it's prey.

"Not even you?" Liam jokes... well, tries to joke. And if his voice almost gives out in between... and if he thinks he briefly sees Zayn's eyes light up, well, no one has to know that.."

Or.. the Ziam one shot in which Zayn is pining, Liam is oblivious, jealous and pining, and with a wee bit of sexual tension, "forever" ensues. (Inspired by the very much canon 'Come on then, come on' ziam incident)

📚 I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This by runaway_train / @runaway-train-works (Harry/Louis, 39k) “Does she know who it is then, from the New York office?” Louis enquires.

“Yeah, some guy Henry? Henry Styles I think she said?"

“Harry.”

“What?"

“Harry. His name is Harry Styles.” His heart sank. Louis hadn’t met him, they had only shared a couple of emails back and forth, but he knew exactly who he was. And Harry hadn’t just been killing it in the Big Apple, he’s been ripping the place to absolute shreds, nailing some of the most lucrative accounts in the business.Louis is so fucked.

The one where Louis is up for a promotion, he just has one tiny, little problem standing in his way.

📚 In All Its Imperfections by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite (Harry/Louis, 15k) From: Louis Tomlinson To: Undisclosed Recipients

Hello!

I’ve asked the front desk and you lovely folks are the ones who are on the same level as me in the car park. I found a to-do list today that looked somewhat important because it has lines of poetry scribbled at the bottom that seemed like they might be for a card project. The stationary has a moose in a canoe at the top of it (and he is quite adorable). Let me know if it’s yours!

Cheers!

“Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Harry whispered, his eyes darting over the sentences again willing them not to make sense. They did, they did make sense. “Oh. My. Bloody. Fucking. God.”

The next thing he knew he was on the floor, staring at the ceiling, with a very concerned Liam hovering over his head.

"What happened, mate?" Liam asked.

Harry just pointed to his computer.

Liam bent over Harry’s desk to read the email. “What? This isn’t bad. Is that your to-do list? Did you finally come up with the inside text for those cards?”

“Leeyum" he groaned. “It’s what’s on the list.”

“Oh,” Liam paused for a beat. “Is it dirty stuff?”

Harry nodded.

There was more silence. And then, “Dirty stuff with Louis?”

📚 In Which Calvin Klein Inadvertently Causes A Gay Panic by allsassnoclass (Niall/Shawn, 2k) The thing is, Niall has always considered himself the token straight member of One Direction, but he feels like he really shouldn't be looking at his best friend's thighs like that.

📚 Just Go With It by rainbowslovehl / @rainbowsandlovehl (Harry/Louis, 6k) “Brett, there’s something I need to tell you,” he started, inwardly cringing at his choice of words before taking in a deep breath. Brett seemed curious, raising her eyebrows expectantly. “The reason I haven’t been texting you back is that...” “Harry, they were all out of organic guacamole,” a raspy, unfamiliar male voice interrupted, startling him into silence. “So I got us the normal one. Hope that’s alright?”

Harry has no idea how to escape awkward situation but luckily for him, Louis swoops in to help.

📚 Leave Your Mark On Me by FullOnLarrie / @fullonlarrie (Harry/Louis, 32k) When Chef Harry Styles’ unbonded Omega designation threatens to derail his career, he does the only thing he can, and goes in search of a black market bond.

📚 Love Will Tear Us Apart by lovelarry10 / @chloehl10 (Harry/Louis, 103k) “You ruined my fucking life, Harry. You stopped me living my dream because you’re a selfish bastard who couldn’t keep himself clean for five fucking minutes. You took away my independence, my freedom, my choices, Harry. And I hate you for that, I hate you!”

As he spat out the final words, Louis felt all of the fight go out of him. He slumped back into the chair, his heart racing his chest, his head beginning to swim. It was a familiar feeling, and one Louis didn't like. He looked up, finally meeting Harry’s gaze for the first time in a while.

“Out of everyone in my life, Harry, I never thought you’d be the one to hurt me. Not like this.”

A story of two halves.

Louis and Harry had it all - a career, friendship, and some of the best sex either of them had ever had.

But Harry ruins it all with one life-changing mistake ... and Louis is left to pay the price.

📚 make you never wanna leave by anonymous (Harry/Louis, 9k) “But that's fine?” Now Louis just looks confused. “There are so many ways you can have fun sex. Wetness is helpful but not a requirement.”

Harry can feel his face heating up. The way Louis said fun sex, like it's that easy, like he has all the experience. He might be a year older than Harry, but Harry's not quite sure if age is the only factor at play here. He doesn't know why the thought of Louis having sex makes his heart start to race again and he especially doesn't know why the next thing he blurts out is, “You could show me.”

or, Harry is an omega teen who has trouble getting wet even when he's turned on, Louis is his omega best friend who helps him experiment. In a completely platonic way, of course.

📚 Never Mind the Furthermore Anonymous (Harry/Louis, 7k) Louis and Harry have regular phone sex. But they're just friends, okay?

📚 O! Yes! by homosociallyyours / @homosociallyyours (Harry/Louis, 2k) Louis is a somewhat sexually awkward omega into other omegas. When an omega-centric sex shop opens near his favorite coffee shop, he definitely doesn't plan to check it out.

One friendly ambush later, he's standing inside and talking with a too pretty omega about things that definitely make him blush. He's not the only one blushing, though. Harry, the cute and enthusiastic toy store employee is too.

📚 Oh, We're In Love, Aren't We? by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings (Harry/Louis, 30k) After sixteen wonderful years of friendship, it's hard to imagine any grand (and usually dumb) plans they haven't had or some type of mischief they haven't gotten into together. But, when Harry suddenly finds himself without a fiance and Louis just wants to help him feel okay again, they realize falling in love is one thing they haven't done, and that's about to change.

📚 Only One at the Finish Line by Anonymous (Harry/Louis, 9k) “What don’t I know?!” Louis shouts, and then Harry is rounding on him, close enough that he can feel the heat of his body, the rage and the glory and the pain of it so close that it blinds him.

“I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel.

📚 signs and wonders by scrunchyharry (Harry/Louis, 29k) On the surface, it looks like Louis Tomlinson has the perfect life; after all, he has the whole package: a white picket fence house (well, his doesn’t technically have a white picket fence, but work with him), a wife, a daughter and a dog. He has it all and he’s not even 30, yet.

On the surface, he could be the happiest man in the world.

The thing is, he never wanted this life. There was this boy, see, this Harry Styles, whose arrival made Louis question everything he thought he knew about himself. Before Louis could pursue it, though, before he could be brave and ask the boy out, one moment of bad luck on prom night, one single lapse of judgment, shaped his life in a way he never would have chosen. Between doing the right thing or turning into his own absent father, he knew what he had to do, even if it meant burying his dreams under the weight of a premature adulthood.

That is, until he receives an invitation for his school’s ten year reunion and sees that Harry will attend.

Could it be his second chance at happiness? At what cost?

📚 Soju (소주) by gettingaphdinlarry / @gettingaphdinmomo (Niall/Shawn, 2k) After a spectacular breakup he'd like to forget about, English language teacher Niall Horan finds himself in starting anew in Seoul, South Korea. He's perfectly content being single, but when his friends try to set him up with Shawn Mendes, well... Maybe it's time to give love another shot.

📚 Sweet Like Honey by moonygirl76 (Niall/Shawn, 7k) In a non au world where Shawn and Niall work to continue what they've built together, they find that, maybe, it's time to figure out exactly what it is they are building, and what they mean to one another.

📚 Tell me when you're ready (I'm waitin') by insufferablelovebirds / @therosiestofdaggers (Harry/Louis, 17k) When Harry's love letters to his old crushes get sent accidentally, one of his old crushes, Louis offers to help him fake a relationship but it gets complicated when feelings get involved.

Or an au loosely based off to all the boys I've loved before.

📚 The Bet by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom (Harry/Louis, 2k) Louis Tomlinson never reneges on a bet. Ever.

He may be many things - a joker, a sometimes-wayward student, a loyal friend, a Tony Award winner in the making, and a card-carrying member of the Chad Michael Murray fan club - but never, ever, a welcher. Louis makes good on his promises and does it with flare.

OR The one where Louis misjudges Harry's ability to do TLC's Waterfall rap and finds himself having to put on a one-man show for his viewing pleasure. If Louis decides to go all-in and dress the part, then that's just a bonus for his (very appreciative) one-man audience.

📚 The Lonely Planet Guide to Second Chances by 1Diamondinthesun (Harry/Louis, 102k) When Harry and Louis broke up, the last thing on Harry's mind was the non-refundable surprise trip he had booked for them across Europe. Harry was supposed to be moving on, not sightseeing with his ex. In hindsight, touring the continent with Louis was probably a bad idea. So naturally, that's exactly what Harry did.

Or, the breakup travel fic featuring romantic sunsets, awkward bed sharing, and second chances against a backdrop of some of Europe's most iconic cities.

📚 the way that you're thrilling me by Anonymous (Harry/Louis, 12k) Sometimes he wondered if everyone was pretending. Alphas were smelly and cocky and mostly arseholes, in Harry’s experience. Or at least they were at school. He didn’t understand how his friends—lovely, soft-skinned, sweet-smelling omegas—could actually want to touch them, or be touched by them.

Maybe he was just immature. That’s what his friends said, anyway. He’d want it eventually.

(Or, the one where Harry and Louis don’t enjoy sex - until they do.)

📚 this love will keep us through blinding of the eyes by Anonymous (Harry/Louis, 9k) As his other friends head into the strip club, he steps towards the bouncer, fumbling through his wallet to find his ID. He’s so distracted by his search that he hasn’t gotten a proper look at the bouncer until he’s standing right in front of him, shoving his ID into the alpha's ridiculously long, painted fingers.

Louis will blame it on the alcohol if anyone asks, but he can’t help staring intensely at the alpha in front of him, soaking up every detail of the guy. His breath catches in his throat as he watches the alpha, unable to look away from the strikingly green eyes.

It’s weird. So weird. Maybe Louis is more drunk than he thought, but he was feeling just barely tipsy only moments ago so that seems slightly unlikely. Between the long curls, the jawline so sharp it could cut glass, muscles rippling under his shirt, and endlessly long legs, this alpha is objectively the most attractive person Louis has ever seen.

But that can’t be right, because Louis’ an alpha, too.

When Louis' friends bring him to a strip club for his 18th birthday, the last thing he would have expected is leaving with a crush, let alone a crush on another alpha.

#28th appreciation #fic rec #long post #i hate that they're so long but i also hate putting it under a cut bc i feel like less people will take the time to look at it :/ idk

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lovlieziam · 5 years

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24 for ziam pleeeaase?

This one got away from me… I’d also like to point out that, based on the prompt, it should probably be a lot angstier than it is. Whoops.

24. Show me your texts or it’s over.

Liam’s been acting weird. Not in a overly abnormal way; heisn’t suddenly treating Zayn different or partaking in strange behavior, but Zayn is pretty sure he’s hiding something. It’sin the way he starts talking about something, only to stop halfway through likehe only just realized he was about to give something away. It’s in the way thathe’s started coming home later than usual—it’s not a super noticeable timedifference, in fact Zayn hadn’t even noticed it the first couple of weeks. It’salso in the way that Liam is seemingly purposefully vague when Zayn asks himabout his ‘boys night’ with Louis. It’s most noticeable when he’s quick to hidehis phone from Zayn when he gets a notification.

At first Zayn was fine just ignoring it. He trusted Liam,and if there was something wrong he knew Liam would eventually tell him, butit’s been almost a whole month since Liam started his shady behavior and Zaynwas past curious. He was suspicious and angry and okay…hurt. Liam keeping secrets from him hurt. He knew, logically, that Liam didn’t have to tell him everything, but that never stopped him before.They’d always been completely honest with each other; up until now they’veshared every secret they had with each other. Zayn didn’t know what it wasabout the particular secret that made Liam so resilient in his efforts to keepit. He hated himself to admit it…but it made his thoughts stray to the worst.

He knew Liam. Hedidn’t think the boy was ever capable of doing anything to hurt Zayn, but therewas something Liam was keeping whenhe’d never done anything like this before. And what could be so bad that Liamcouldn’t tell him? The only thing Zayn could think of was unthinkable.

Liam would never cheat on him, would he?

Everything in Zayn scream no—Liam loved him and he showedZayn that daily—but there was the small part of his brain that said Liam’sactions just didn’t add up and thiswas the only explanation. That’s why Zayn waited so long to sayanything—because he just couldn’t convince himself that that small part wasright. He knew Liam.

Or at least he thought he did. He thought he did right upuntil they were sitting on the couch, destressing with shitty television aftera long day for both of them and Liam’s phone went off on the coffee table infront of them. It caught both of their attention, but before Zayn could evenprocess whose phone it was that dinged, Liam was darting forward, unlocking hisphone to type a quick reply and then tucking it under his thigh—away fromZayn—just as fast.

Zayn almost let it go, and he would’ve too, if he hadn’tseen the name that flashed at the top of the notification. A name he didn’tknow. A decidedly female name he didnot know.

“Who was that, Li?”

“Hmm? Oh, just Louis. He wants to set up a lads night forthis weekend. Told him I’d get back to him.”

And it was one thing for Liam to not tell him things, thathe could over look, but to outright lie to him? Liam had never done that.Zayn’s brain kicked into overdrive, wondering if he really knew Liam as well ashe thought he did. If Liam was lying to him now, how long had he been? Whatelse had he been lying about.

“I’m going to ask you one more time, Liam,” Zayn started.His voice had dropped, a dark undertone that he felt Liam stiffen at next tohim. “Who just messaged you?”

Liam shifted next to him, turning until he was mostly facingZayn on the couch. “What? I just told you, it was—”

Zayn sprung up from the couch, turning on his heel to faceLiam. “You’re lying!” He shouted. “I’m not an idiot, Liam. I know it wasn’t Louis texting you justlike I know you’ve been keepingsomething from me for the last month. You might think I’m incredibly stupid,but I am not—”

Liam shot up from the couch, mirroring Zayn’s tense positionin front of him. “I don’t think you’re stupid! I never said that!”

“You didn’t have to say anything, Liam! It’s in youractions! You stay later at work and then come home and pretend like you didn’t,like I wouldn’t notice!” Zayncouldn’t help the way his voice twisted around the word work, implyingsomething with just that one word that he wasn’t ready to give voice to yet.“You’re vague about your ‘boys nights’ when before you wouldn’t stop talkingabout them! You’re keeping secrets, Liam, and I want to know what they are. Iwant the truth. Now.”

Liam’s face was a mix of emotion. Zayn could see small tracesof anger and confusion, but more than anything he saw the regret echoed there;a guilt that Zayn didn’t want to acknowledge. It made a weight settle in Zayn’sstomach, and he suddenly had to fight the urge to throw up.

“Zayn, I…” Liam didn’t finish, staring at Zayn and soobviously trying to come up with an excuse.Zayn had just told Liam he wanted the truth, and Liam was still standing infront of him trying to lie. Zayn wassuddenly, impossibly angry. He spoke, spitting words at Liam before he had a chanceto properly think them through.

“Are you cheating on me, Liam?” Zayn took a step forward,advancing towards Liam as he all but shook with his explosive anger. “Runningaround behind my back, thinking you won’t get caught?”

Liam’s face, previously expressing his every thought,completely closed off at Zayn’s words. Zayn watched as Liam shut down in frontof him, locking himself and his thoughts away from Zayn. When he spoke again,his words were careful—obviously well thought out—but Zayn could feel the venom dripping from them.

“Do you really believe I’m cheating on you, Zayn?” And no,he really, really didn’t, but how was he supposed to be thinking logically whenLiam was keeping secrets—he was still trying to make excuses when Zayn had justcalled him out on it.

“Well you haven’t exactly denied it, Liam.”

“I shouldn’t have to deny it, Zayn, because you should knowme well enough to not accuse me of it in the first place!”

Zayn was tired of this, tired of the back and forth without answers. All he wanted was forLiam to answer a fucking question, but apparently that was too much to ask. Hewas going to get his answers, one way or another.

“Show me your texts then, Liam.” He held his hand out in thesmall space between them, trying to keep the shake out of his hands. He neededanswers, but with his hand hanging in between the two of them he wasn’tentirely sure if he wanted them.“Show me your texts or it’s over.” Zayn watched a startled look pass overLiam’s face before he was able to push it back, his expression hardening onceagain. Zayn felt a little dirty for the threat, but he was so tired. So fuckingtired.

There was a fire behind Liam’s eyes—Liam was so good athiding his emotions, only displaying the ones he wanted everyone to see—whichis why Zayn almost missed the hurt hidden in their depths as he wordlesslyhanded his phone over.

Zayn let the eye contact linger for a second more beforetaking Liam’s phone, quickly typing in the code and going to his messages. Heclicked the first group of messages, his heart dropping as he read them over.

Received: Hi, Liam!Hope your evening with Zayn is going well! I’m just texting to let you knowthat the venue had been reserved, and the ring has finally come back. Theengraving looks wonderful, and I have no doubt that Zayn is going to say yes!Let me know when you’d like to stop by and get the ring, or if you have anyother questions 😊

Sent: I’ll stop byafter wrk tomorrow, should be around 530. Thank u so much for everything.Here’s to hoping he says yes 🤞

Zayn let out a soft gasp, his heart still sitting in hisstomach. Liam had been secretive because he planned to propose. He was planning a fucking proposal. He wasn’t cheating on Zayn, he wanted to marry him. Zayn felt a bubble ofhappiness balloon inside him, a smile making it’s way to his lips before heremembered—he had just accused Liam of cheating. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Zayn’s head swung up, his own regret written in every lineof his face. “Liam, I’m so sorry, I—”

“’S’alright, yeah? I get it. You thought the worst of me. ’Snot like I gave you a reason to believe anything else.”

Zayn bit his lip, tears springing up behind his eyes becauseLiam didn’t get it at all. His words were laced with hurt and anger and hisface was still so closed off. Liamhad given Zayn a reason to believe literally anything else but this. He was stillimpossibly sweet when they were together—he was still affectionate and tactile.He hadn’t pulled away from Zayn at all emotionally or physically, but stillZayn had let his insecurities get in the way of his logic. He let them getbetween him and Liam and he felt horrible.

Zayn had fucked up. He’d fucked up so bad.

“No, no Liam you don’t get it,” he said. His voice wasshaking, but he didn’t care. He needed Liam to understand. He didn’t think theworst of Liam. He didn’t. He stupidthoughts weren’t the side effect of Liam’s actions, they were the side effectof seeing years of ruined relationships alongside his own fucked up thoughts.“I don’t think the worst of you. I don’t.I just noticed the difference in your behavior and started overthinking. I wentstraight to worst case scenario, which wasn’t fair to you. Sometimes I get socaught up in my head that I don’t act reasonably. I’m so sorry I accused you ofcheating. I never really believed that in the first place.”

“Then why the fuck did you, Zayn? I know I’ve been actinshady as hell the last couple of weeks, but you could’ve talked to me aboutit. You could’ve given an indication that I was making you worry, or havedoubts, and we could’ve talked. Wecould have solved this whole thing weeksago, Zayn.”

“I know, Liam. I do know that. I just…sometimes I feel likeI don’t deserve you, y’know? You’re always so wonderful, even when I act crazy.Like right now! I just. I guess sometimes I self-sabotage myself because Iwonder why, out of all the people, you chose me.” Zayn finished with aself-depreciating shrug, fixing his gaze on the floor. He couldn’t face Liamright now, not with his biggest insecurity on display and Liam’s expressionstill so closed off.

There was a flurry of movement in front of him that hedidn’t have time to process before he was enveloped in a pair of strong arms.It caught Zayn off guard, but his shoulders slowly started to relax as herealized it was Liam’s warmth seeping into him. He tucked his head into Liam’sneck, wanting nothing more than to just breath him in for the moment.

“Zayn,” Liam breathed. His mouth was pressed to the skinright beneath Zayn’s ear and his shoulders were shaking underneath Zayn’sforehead. Zayn pressed a kiss to the column of Liam’s throat, wanting more thananything to sooth him in that moment. “Zayn,”Liam said again. He pulled away from Zayn, causing a small whimper to escapethe man. Liam placed his palms on both of Zayn’s cheeks, his hands practicallydwarfing Zayn’s face. Zayn stepped closer to Liam, not wanting any spacebetween them.

“Zayn, baby, please look at me,” Liam said and Zaynreluctantly brought his eyes up to meet Liam’s. The air was punched out of hislungs at the soft look in Liam’s eyes. His expression was a little fond and alittle sad, but what made Zayn’s breath catch the most was the pure love shinning in their depths. Evenafter Zayn had accused him of the worst, Liam was still capable of looking athim that way and Zayn was, once again, overwhelmed with the feeling like hedidn’t fucking deserve Liam.

“I love you, more than anything. I don’t know how you couldpossibly think differently.” Liam leaned forward, gentling a soft kiss toZayn’s lips before pulling away completely, dropping down to one knee in frontof him still holding on to one of his hands, and Zayn couldn’t fucking breathe.He hadn’t been able to catch his breath since Liam enveloped him and it lookedlike he wouldn’t be anytime soon.

“You saw me when no one else ever did. I was so lost when wefirst met. I wasn’t sure who I was, but you helped me find that person. Yousupported me through it, you encouraged me. You were there. You were my friend.You loved me. You’ve never made me feel less than I was worth because, to you,I was worth so much. It took me for ever to realize that, but every time Ilooked into your eyes I knew. I knewyou thought the world of me. Do you even realize how powerful that makes mefeel? To know that you love me that much, that I have you standing with me tosupport me? It’s a fucking head rush,Z. You make me so unbelievably giddy, and I couldn’t even imagine wanting to spend the rest of my life with anyone else. Iwould never to anything to risk this.”Liam grinned up at Zayn and it made him dizzy.The amount of love and adoration reflected there and how could Zayn ever doubt this boy for one second?

“This wasn’t exactly how I was planning on doing this, asI’m sure you know.” He gave a little self-depreciating laugh, and Zayn’s heartstuttered in his chest. “Which means I don’t have a ring and there’s no fancydinner or—”

“I don’t care. Liam, I don’t care I just want you.”

“Okay, okay,” Liam laughed. His eyes were shinning now,unshed tears reflecting back at Zayn. “I just want you, too. Forever. I wanteverything you have to give me, Zayn. For the rest of my life, for the rest ofyours…” Zayn let out a watery laugh at the familiar words, reaching up towipe at his eyes with his free hand.

“Zayn, Jaan…will you marry me?” And Zayn all but flung himself down at Liam, muttering ‘yes yes yes yes yes’ over and over before finally claiming Liam’s lips with his own.

#y'all this is 2.5k and i have no idea how that happened #it was just supposed to be a couple hundred #lol jokes on me #also I'm not even sorry for the lack of angst #i know what i'm about #ANYWAY #ziam #drabble #my writing #I'm actually kinda in love with this one tho #ask prompt

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blouisparadise · 6 years

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Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with strong humor and banter in them. Happy reading!

1) Like An Animal (I Want To Feel You From The Inside) | Explicit | 4466 words

Harry and Louis get a little stuck. Literally.

2) Spice Up Your Life | Explicit | 9501 words

After a conversation with his Uni friends, Harry worries that his relationship with Louis has lost it's spark.

3) Maid In The A.M. | Explicit | 9118 words

“You’re not supposed to be here.” The lad frowned at him.

“Sorry,” Harry said automatically. Which, wait. No, that wasn’t right. “Um, actually, I sort of live here?”

Okay, that came out less firm than Harry would like, but it was still true.

The guy rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”

Harry had absolutely no idea what was happening.

4) Keep Holding Me This Way | Explicit | 13747 words

An English grad student, a frat jock, and an unimpressed rich boy walk into a bar. No one walks out.

5) Sweeter Than Wine | Explicit | 15339 words

When Wizard!Louis goes to a muggle club for a change of pace, his one night stand ends up being much more than he bargained for.

6) Friendly Neighborhood Spideypool | Explicit | 18705 words

“Don’t fuck with me, I’m not in the mood.” Louis’ got the urge to punch him in the face, but he knows deep down that if anything it’ll just add fuel to Harry’s innuendo fire.

“You know I only fuck you, not with you. There’s a difference. It’s slight but still there.” He’s joking, but it’s sincere in a way that only Deadpool could make it. It gives Louis a strange mix of emotions, his body doesn’t know whether to fill with butterflies or to knee Deadpool in the balls again for insinuating them fucking.

7) Let Me Make a Thing of Cream and Stars | Explicit | 24914 words

It doesn't explain why he's lying on the floor, with Harry Styles, of all people, planking on top of him.

As in, seventeenth most influential person in London, pop-star-turned-rock-star Harry Styles. The same Harry Styles who has had countless model girlfriends, left, right and centre. Also the same Harry Styles who has been the subject of Louis' wet dreams since he was about eighteen.

8) A Whole New World | Not Rated | 24967 words

Louis has moved into his new apartment to start his new job as a teacher. Things would be great. If only his arsehole neighbour didn’t wake him up every morning by playing piano.

Shenanigans ensue. Like a very inadvisable kissing bet.

9) Up To No Good | Explicit | 26525 words | Sequel #1 | Sequel #2

Harry doesn’t think of himself as a womanizer, not at all. Sure, he enjoys sex, enjoys how women feel underneath him, and by some people’s standards he has sex with quite a lot of people, but that’s no reason to tell him that he can’t have a female PA anymore.

It’s especially no excuse for giving him a male PA who’s possibly the most gorgeous boy in the world who won’t even let Harry look at him for too long.

Sometimes Harry hates his life.

10) The Forest For The Trees | Explicit | 28250 words

Louis and Harry had the ultimate roommates and best friends with benefits relationship until Harry suddenly ends the benefits part, shocking and hurting Louis in the process. He’s fallen in love with Harry, but is too scared to tell him the truth because he just does not do first moves. In the spirit of unrequited love and with a little help from Harry’s mother Louis decides to set Harry up with a series of horrible blind dates hoping his roommate will see dating is too much trouble and come back to him. In the end things don’t go as planned and Louis ends up sabotaging the one date he shouldn’t have, and it turns out Harry’s a bit of a sneak too.

11) Always Come Back To You | Explicit | 28862 words

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

12) Have You Coming Back Again | Explicit | 31086 words | Sequel

It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym.

Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain.

Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all.

He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

13) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

“So, I guess we’ll go?” Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind. We could make it an adventure.”

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He’s fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry’s gaze–he probably knows that Harry’s mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he’s not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he’s also Harry’s best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he’d still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He’s got Harry’s back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they’ll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. “We’re going,” he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

14) Mine Now | Explicit | 32254 words

This is the story of how Harry finds himself pouting in Louis’ passenger seat with a raging boner on the way to seduce his ex boyfriend.

15) Cupid’s Chokehold | Explicit | 35326 words

Louis is a Cupid who tries to match up Niall and Harry. It doesn't work out as planned.

16) Is This Seat Taken? | Explicit | 35507 words

Louis makes a bet with Zayn that he can sneak into a music awards event without getting caught, and when he ends up posing as a seat-filling member of staff he runs into superstar Harry Styles and sparks fly. Que the music.

17) The New Romantics | Explicit | 36100 words

After being blindsided and dumped by his boyfriend Isaac, Louis does the only thing he can do: wallow and mope. But when Harry tells Louis that karma’s going to get Isaac eventually, Louis decides karma isn’t moving fast enough. He takes matters into his own hands, and if he has to drag Harry into his schemes and seduction plans, then so be it.

18) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn’t want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

19) Don’t Tell the Gods (We Left a Mess) | Explicit | 71556 words

Note: Mention of BH.

After a misunderstanding with Liam’s mother, Louis agrees to accompany his best friend to a family wedding and pretend to be the world’s best boyfriend. But their simple plan goes awry when he learns that Harry, ex-boyfriend/ex-love of Louis’ life, will also be in attendance. (aka: fake!boyfriends with a twist ft. bromance, romance and cake.)

20) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76575 words

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

21) You Drive Me Crazy (But It Feels Alright) | Explicit | 102036 words

“Harry is not short for Harold,” he corrects, his voice as thick as molasses. He lowers his eyes to Louis’ sequined lapels, rubbing one between two fingers. “Is this small or extra small? It looks lovely.”

Louis breaks away from his grip with a petulant huff and pushes him back with two fingers.

“You’re mocking me. Again.”

Harry smiles and it's a real honest swoop of his lips this time. Louis’ stomach swoops with them.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#blp #blp fic recs #fic recs #bottom louis #top harry #funny fics

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1000-directions · 5 years

Text

annual writing self-evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2018.

tagged by: N O B O D Y, i’m the one getting the party started this year 😎i’m going to tag every writer i follow, so please feel free to fill this out for yourself without feeling obligated to read my answers if you’re not into it!

i. Optional if applicable: link to last year’s self evaluation:

2017!

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

tonight make me unstoppable

turn to dust or to gold

spring cleaning

since we’re alone

this modern love

i still remember

the gentlest feeling

think i’m gonna win this time

nothing but dreams inside

sending postcards to myself

dust to dust

lullaby for the new world order

gold dust in our hands

#ship 1d with superheroes 2k18

cloud on my tongue

sing it one last time

(unpublished winterhawk fic that will be arriving next weekend)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

hmmmm. i mean, if you count the luckyverse as a whole as one work, then obviously that. i’ve put a lot of time and thought into developing this relationship and finding ways to progress it over the course of several years and trying to justify why we are examining their relationship at the specific times that the stories take place. it’s the hardest i’ve worked on anything, it’s the most time i’ve spent on one idea, it’s the longest thing i’ve ever created, it’s the most i’ve ever enjoyed writing, and it’s gotten the most satisfying response. it’s not the most popular thing i’ve ever done, and i know there will be fewer and fewer people showing up for each successive part, but the people who support this have been just...the most generous and wonderful, and creating this thing has been such a rewarding experience for me.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

nope, this year i’m pretty proud of everything 🙃

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

from this modern love:

“Buck,” Louis says, and he’s looking at Bucky so openly, gazing at him so adoringly, and his fingertips are so gentle against Bucky’s face. He isn’t holding anything back, and it’s one of those moments where Bucky almost steps out of his own head and sees himself from a distance, and he has to tell himself, this is your life, you get to have this now.

“It was a nice day,” Bucky says instead. “I’m really glad I got to be a part of it.”

“You’re going to be a part of everything from now on,” Louis says, tracing the arch of Bucky’s eyebrow with his thumb. “Shit, I can’t stop touching you.”

“Don’t stop touching me,” Bucky says. His hands are on Louis’ hips, anchoring him in place, and they feel hot where they meet Louis’ clothing. His right palm is sweating, and his left is crackling with the anticipation.

There are two categories of energy. There’s kinetic energy, the energy of motion. The energy of Bucky reaching through space and time against all the odds to meet this man, to run after him down the street, to touch his body and kiss his sacred mouth.

And the other category is potential energy, the energy that is stored up and kept secure for the future when you’re ready for it. The energy of possibility, the energy that hasn’t done anything yet but promises you maybe, maybe, maybe.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

i got a lot of comments along the lines of ‘i didn’t expect this to work, but it did,’ which always brings me joy. i reread @queerlyalex‘s comment on nothing but dreams inside whenever i’m feeling :/ about myself and my writing. all seven comments on cloud on my tongue are so precious to me because i loved writing that one so, so much, it was my love letter to lucky and how far they’ve come. i really just treasure the people who are still hanging in there and reading about my precious weirdos and really picking up on all the things i was trying to do with that story.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

any time i have to write a scene with more than two characters is a struggle. the absolute worst ones this year were freddie’s birthday party and bucky and louis’ dinner party. just the worst. more than two characters is too many to keep track of.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

genuinely everything. at the end of last year, i was planning to write one (1) lucky fic for rarepair fest, and i was planning to write trans spiderlou, and that was it. and instead, this turned in the year of lucky, the #ship 1d with superheroes 2k18 that i was not expecting.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

last year, i was very focused on being a more minimalist writer, on ignoring plot and just writing the parts that i found interesting, just quick projects in one sitting for as long as they held my interest. this year, i spent more time stretching out inside a scene, just settling in and letting it take as long as it needed to take. i learned how to sustain my own interest in an idea for longer than a few hours. it used to be that if i didn’t finish something in one sitting, i didn’t finish it at all. meanwhile, i can’t even tell you how many sittings i’ve spent on lucky over the last year, and i’m still excited about it and invested in it. i wouldn’t say that i appreciate the concept of plot much more than i used to -- i’m still much more focused on small moments of character interaction. but i’ve learned to embrace the concept of outlining in order to make sure i cover everything i want to cover, and i’m not so afraid of the passage of time anymore.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

this is my answer from last year:

i would like to try some new pairings. this is weird, but i’ve never really written a true nouis story? it feels like i should have, but i haven’t, and that’s something i wouldn’t mind tackling next year. also, when i first started out, i didn’t feel comfortable leaving canon behind because i worried that i didn’t have a strong enough grip on my characters yet, and i feared that if i started writing AUs or whatever, my characters would become unrecognizable. but i’d like to keep venturing out and trying new worlds and tropes. i want to write more trans characters. i’d like to write an ace fic. i’d like to bring my eye to things i haven’t written before and see what happens.

things i did this year: tried new pairings, wrote a true nouis story, wrote AUs, wrote more trans characters. and although it’s not explicitly identified in the story, bucky is demi in luckyverse, so i guess you could say i wrote an ace fic. so...i’m pretty pleased with all that.

‘i’d like to bring my eye to things i haven’t written before and see what happens’ is always going to be my writing mantra, i think. this year was very heavily focused on lucky, so i think i’d like to write more diversely next year, focusing on other stuff as well. i’d like to write more marvel stories, and i’d like to play around with winterhawk more and maybe find my own preferred niche inside that particular pairing. i just want to keep pushing myself and trying new things.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

i will say that @dearmrsawyer really stepped up and became my absolute mvp this year. jamila is the best for pure brainstorming, for just coming up with an idle idea and running with it until it’s something huge and important and vital to whatever project i’m working on. there is very little i wrote this year that she didn’t have a hand in to some extent. @nightwideopen was absolutely lucky’s #1 cheerleader, which means so much to me. @queerlyalex is always the best in terms of pure positivity and encouragement, about writing, about not writing, about life, about everything. @fleetwooded has been such a perfect beta for me, someone i absolutely trust to tell me the truth about whether or not something works, someone who is so thoughtful with comments and ideas, someone whose eye i 100% trust. @sarcathlon made me art!!!! holy shit, i’m never going to be over it, genuinely the nicest and most supportive compliment ever. and of course, bucky barnes has my entire heart and i’m never gonna stop yelling about how he is a good boy trying his best.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

uh, yes. lol. all of bucky’s anatomical awareness is a result of my stupid useless anatomy degree. at least i finally got to use it for something!! a lot of bucky’s anxiety and panic is based on my own. bucky’s hatred and fear of grocery stores is literally me.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

i’m always going to say to write the stories that you want to write, and fuck all the writing rules that tell you there’s a specific way to tell a story. tell it your way. have fun. writing is pointless if you don’t genuinely enjoy it, because we aren’t getting paid for this, and most of us aren’t going to write things that are wildly popular, so the joy has to come from the creation of it. if you expect the joy to come entirely from other people’s responses to your work, you’re going to be disappointed. if you love what you write, then you are guaranteed that at least one person is going to love what you wrote. that’s all i got.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

we’ve got two (or three 😩) more parts of the luckyverse in the wings, and i want to write my zayn character study. everything else is up for grabs.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

listen, i’m tagging e v e r y o n e who i think wrote something this year because i wanna get this thing going again. so please, if i accidentally skipped you, or if you are someone i don’t follow who is reading this and you want to do it, please feel free, just say i tagged you.

@magicalrocketships @veryniceandgood @bigbrotherlouis @secretspeller @ferryboatpeak @zaptains @jiksax @mildlymaddy @dearmrsawyer @saysthemagpie @polaroidgirlfriend @clarz @imlouisaf @queerlyalex @nothanksweregood @musingsofmaura @niallspringsteen @foliealou @tintedglasses @sarcathlon @nocontrolforlouis @fleetwooded @nightwideopen @captn-sara-holmes @flawedamythyst @akai-coat @claraxbarton @kangofu-cb

#me me me #long post #writing #year in review #goodbye 2018 #it's hilarious how long this takes to do when no one is going to read it but it was nice to organize my own thoughts about the year i had

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favouriteentertainer-blog · 5 years

Text

Chapter 2 - Imma Show You a Thing or Two

“I’ve done this before, not like this.”

Chapter 1

My feet were aching, and I needed coffee. I so badly wanted to step into two beans where I knew Zayn worked, but I couldn’t—I couldn’t allow myself to fall down the big, beautiful boy shaped rabbit hole.

I’d just finished my 8am environmental communications class and I was absolutely knackered. My sleeping schedule was coming back to bite me in the ass.

I decided to push through it for the better and made the effort to walk an extra 15 minutes. I really bloody wanted the coffee.

Penny Lane was nice, the coffee was good too, better than two beans—in fact, the only reason I didn’t go there more often was because it was further away and because Dan hadn’t always wanted to walk. My new-found independence meant that I could do whatever I wanted—leg ache or not.

A small bell above the door chimed as I entered, I pulled my beanie off and tried to shove it into my tote bag—I sighed heavily as the handles tangled causing me to drop the hat.

“Oh here—“ someone picked it up for me.

“Thanks—“ I said in a huff as I cursed the handles on the scraggly bag. It needed to be thrown out, but it’d been given to me as a gift by my friend Lily and I didn’t want it to go to waste. I grabbed the hat from the stranger and finally shoved it into my bag. When they didn’t bother to move I actually took the time to look at who was standing in front of me.

“Hi.” Zayn smirked.

I almost choked on my saliva. “Hi.”

“Not at two beans today?” He chuckled lightly, pushing up the sleeves of his black sweater in the process.

“Neither are you.” We were both stating the obvious.

“Oh Jheeze really?” He said sarcastically as he looked around the room.

“Are you trying to be funny?” I was scowling but I really wanted to smile. ‘Stop it.’ I reprimanded myself—I needed to remember that I was supposed to be sad.

“Yeah maybe,” he still had a stupid grin plastered on his face.

“Okay well,” I walked past him, “I need a coffee, so go annoy someone else yeah?” I was trying to assert my ‘I don’t care about you attitude,’ but I wasn’t sure it was working.

“You’re the one who got here after me.” He rolled his eyes, “why are you even here?” He was following me to the counter.

“I was trying to avoid you!” I blurted it out.

“What?” He stopped walking.

“I was embarrassed about what happened the other day—“ I had to think quickly and thankfully my brain came up with a plausible excuse. “I didn’t want you bringing it up.” I hoped and prayed that my lie was enough for the behavioural science major.

“Oh, why would I do that?” He frowned.

I ignored him for a second, “hiya—“ I smiled at the girl working the counter, “could I please get a medium long black.” She noted my order down on a cup and I handed her the money. “I dunno,” I turned back to Zayn, “people usually like to harp on other’s misfortunes when they find it funny.”

“I didn’t find it funny.” He said curtly.

“Oh—“ my cheeks were burning up, “well I just thought—“

“You thought wrong.” He corrected me.

I wanted to tell him that I didn’t think badly of him, I just didn’t want to see him because I was scared I wouldn’t stop thinking about him for the rest of the night.

“Here you go!” The barista handed me my coffee over the machine.

“Thank you!” I smiled.

I walked towards a table and Zayn walked towards the door. “Where are you goin?!” I called out. I mentally slapped myself—I had no idea why I’d done that.

“Home?” He responded, as if it weren’t clear.

“Obviously—“ I scoffed, “but we were having a conversation, come back.” I was really calling him back and for no good reason other than the fact that I just wanted to spend time with him.

“You’re so strange.” He pulled out the chair across from me as sat down. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Wait, didn’t I tell you the other day?” I could’ve sworn that I did.

“You did not.” He spoke concisely.

“It’s Kali.” When I was younger my name embarrassed me, I hated it—a foreign name just didn’t sit well with anyone I knew; friends, teachers and even neighbours. It was hard for me to adjust to being different, I resented my Asian background. I woke up every day wishing I was white and that’s why I let pretty much everyone in my life call me K, it just worked better for them—even Dan.

“Kali,” he repeated, “the Goddess of destruction.”

“I’m not as powerful as my name.” I smiled. My heart was beating so fast and for what? All because he knew the meaning behind my name. Of course, he did, I reminded myself—he was probably from some sort of Asian background too. “You can just call me K though, probably easier.”

“What?” He screwed up his face, “there’s nothing hard about your name at all.”

“Most people find it too ethnic.” I shrugged.

“I’m literally brown, if I have a problem with your name that is a problem” he laughed.

I couldn’t help but smile, “yeah that’d be fucking weird.” I awkwardly took a sip of my coffee—the two of us maintaining eye contact. “So why didn’t you go get coffee from your actual workplace?” I questioned.

“It’s shit.” He answered me as he reached for his phone. He quickly checked the time before sighing—“I have to go, my shift starts in 20 minutes.”

I didn’t want to look sad, but I was pretty sure it was written all over my face. “Yeah of course.” I smiled, “sorry about being a bitch before.”

“It is what it is.” He got up, “we can all be a bit bitchy sometimes.”

I laughed lightly, “see you around.”

“See ya.” He winked before turning away and heading off.

My heart felt empty and I had to remind myself that I couldn’t and shouldn’t be feeling the way I did.

—

“Do you think I’m going crazy.” I was laying on the couch.

“No.” Hailee had just finished work, I missed her when she wasn’t in the apartment. She was both my flatmate and one of my best friends—therefore the fact that I hadn’t seen her for two whole days was terrible. “If you didn’t love him anymore why would you be sad? Especially because now that you’re reflecting you’re seeing how toxic he was.”

“You’re so right.” I agreed, “BUT I FEEL BAD!” I couldn’t help but feel a weird sensation of pity.

“There’s nothing to feel guilty about,” she reassured me, “if anything you should be praising yourself for doing the right thing and not leading him on anymore.”

“Again, you’re right.” She was making some points but it didn’t mean I was feeling any better.

“Stop beating yourself up, we’re all human.” She got up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen “would you like a cup of tea?”

“Yes pleaassseeeeee,” tea wasn’t going to absolve the guilt, but it sure was going to make me feel better. “You know how I like it.”

“Coming right up!” She said, flicking the switch on the kettle. “Do you have class tomorrow?” She was rumbling through the cupboard for a snack.

“Nope,” I yawned, “it’s my day off tomorrow.”

“I was thinking we could go to the museum before I head off to work?”

“If I wake up early enough then yes.” I was still dreadfully tired and I knew for a fact that I’d pass out as soon as I hit the pillow, and I was definitely going to be asleep for 10 hours. Making no promises was therefore the obvious choice.

“Hails.” I spoke warily as I adjusted my Captain America pyjama shorts.

“Mhm?” She hummed in response as she set my cup of tea down in front of me.

“Thank you,” I picked it up and took a sip. “There’s one more problem.” I could tell her about Zayn because she was my empathetic best friend, she and AJ were polar opposites. Hailee was kind and caring, whereas AJ was blunt and truthful.

“What’s that?” She questioned, raising her eyebrows in concern.

“I can’t stop thinking about this guy—I met him AFTER I broke up with Dan.” I clarified just in case she got the wrong impression.

“Keep going.” She motioned for me to tell her more.

“His name is Zayn and he works at two beans, he’s a behavioural science major—absolutely gorgeous, so gorgeous. I’ve only seen him twice, but after both encounters I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Hails, everything about him just seems right!” I slapped my hands to my face and let out a groan of disgust. “That’s why I feel so guilty.”

“Stop feeling guilty!” She shouted at me, “You are human!!!!” She repeated what she’d told me before.

“But surely this isn’t right? Surely I should be feeling more remorseful?”

“K, you are completely fine. There’s nothing wrong with a little post-breakup crush. Who even said anything was going to happen huh?” She lay across the sofa and tried to sip on her tea, but it dripped down her chest.

“Here” I said handing her the roll of paper towel. She was right for the millionth time. Just because I thought Zayn was gorgeous and absolutely hilarious did not mean we were going to fuck.

“I just don’t understand why you overthink shit so much. You’re so much better than you realise, you need to give yourself more credit.” She wiped the tea off her chest and sat up.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “maybe one day I will.”

#Zayn Malik #Zayn Malik Fanfiction #Zayn Malik Fanfic #Zayn Fanfiction #zayn fanfic

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lovinnscarletknight · 6 years

Text

The Gap Year [3]

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 1725 (this will probably be the average length now)

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, some sex mentions I guess and possible abuse???

Summary: People who are the most difficult to please are often the least worth pleasing.

You felt intense heat around you as your eyes fluttered open and you realised you were led on Tom’s chest, his arm tight around your waist and Harrison’s body hanging off the other beanbag. You smiled at how at home you felt, you were about to close your eyes again but suddenly realised this shouldn’t be happening. You shouldn’t be snuggling into Tom’s chest and you shouldn’t be happy about it. You were meant to go back up to Liam, but you never did. You could hear your mum and Charlotte upstairs in the living room watching television, you needed to get up before Liam came down and saw the way you were led. It was suggestive and the last thing you needed was Liam accusing you of things.

Gently moving from Tom’s chest, you sat up brushing your hands through your hair; you were glad you decided to change into sweat pants before sleeping because keeping the denim skirt on would have been problematic. Tom stirred in his sleep and squeezed his eyes shut stretching out and eventually kicking Harrison causing him to fall to the floor causing a loud thud making you laugh.

“You good Haz?” You asked still laughing but he only groaned making you laugh more. Tom was smiling at your angelic laughter and smiling face as you scooted off the beanbag, an automatic coldness hitting his side where you once were. He watched as you stood stretching, he admired the way your body moved and how perfect your curves were. No, he had to stop thinking like this. As much as he wanted you to be his, you were happy with Liam and he wouldn’t be the one to ruin that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you and saying how he felt would because it would put you in a terrible situation. You said something about going to get breakfast and you’d see them in a bit before you disappeared up the stairs, Tom’s eyes following you, but he was soon smacked in the head with a pillow.

“She’s engaged mate, stop staring” Harrison spoke as he stood stretching copying his sister’s movements, “And as much as we don’t want to like him, we need to at least try for her. She deserves someone who makes her happy and if it’s this guy than we need to support that”

“There is something off about him Haz, I don’t know what it is” Harrison rolled his eyes.

“You’re only saying that because you’re not with her. I don’t know what happened between you two before she left but whatever it was, it’s over. She is happy now and if you ruin that for her I will personally break your nose and then I’ll let Y/N on you. I’m sorry mate, I know how much you liked her but you’re too late” Harrison left up the stairs leaving Tom by himself. It hurt him to hear those words come from Harrison who had wanted the two of you to get together but he was also speaking the truth.

Tom knew the moment you walked out the door to University he had missed his chance; what man wouldn’t want you? You were stunningly beautiful. You had a personality that everyone loved, you were perfect. Maybe that was why he never tried to pursue you, because you deserved someone incredible, someone who was willing to do anything for you, and Tom would admit two years ago he wouldn’t have but seeing you now has made him rethink and he wants you badly. You would just never now. He groaned into his hands before walking up the stairs to the kitchen. You were leaning on Liam whilst talking to Charlotte and holding a mug full of tea, something Tom had remembered you loved very much.

“Morning Tom” Charlotte spoke smiling at him, “Mum told me to tell you that Nikki wants you back by three” Tom saw Liam smile slightly at these words and he rolled his eyes. He thanked Charlotte before walking to Harrison’s room.

“Char are we still on for tomorrow?” You asked sipping your drink as she put her empty bowl in the sink.

“Yep, just me and you?”

“Yes, just like old times. Be ready by nine please, I need to get us to them by eleven and I know how you faff around” Charlotte opened her mouth to object but you raised an eyebrow and she shut in defeat. Laughing she rolled her eyes and she left leaving you and Liam by yourself. He spun you around letting you rest against the island, one arm either side of you, your tea safely placed down.

“So, what am I supposed to do tomorrow when you’re getting all girly?” You smiled kissing his cheek.

“You are going on a day out with Harrison, Tom, Harry and Sam” He raised an eyebrow making you chuckle, “Harrison is my brother and Tom, Harry and Sam are basically family. They are great, they are going to give you a chance so give them one ok?” He sighed defeated before kissing your lips softly, your arms looping around his neck as he deepened the kiss. Moments like this between the two of you made you the happiest. Moments when you were just with each other and didn’t have a care in the world. Liam pulled back allowing you both to breathe, you pouted slightly not wanting it to end.

“I’m doing this for you babe, I’ll try to get on with them ok? We are just very different”

“You promise?” You asked looking into his eyes. He kissed your lips again before pulling away with a small smile painted on his lips.

“I promise”

Sometime later, you were in the living room with Charlotte, Harrison and Tom dancing around to the music channel. In other words, you were all very bored yet energetic which wasn’t always best since you were a bunch of nutcases anyway. You laughed watching Charlotte sing along to an old One Direction song, remembering the time when you both went to see them, Harry being your favourite and Zayn being hers. You were mega directioners and it made you smile at that time when things were simple and all you had to worry about was whether you wanted hot chocolate that evening or tea. But now things were different. You were in a stable relationship, you were engaged. You were going to get married soon.

For the whole of your childhood you never wanted to get married young but when you love someone can you really say no?

Well only if you don’t really love them.

You shook your head at the possibility. Liam was the perfect man for you, he always made sure you were ok and always tried for you, even if he was difficult at times, that didn’t make you love him any less. But then there is Tom. Your eyes found the brown eyed boy dancing around with Charlotte, Harrison laughing and holding his stomach. Tom was a blessing from above. You loved everything about him and most of all he cared about you. He had always put you first, yet you were too blind to see it happening. You flopped back onto the sofa closing your eyes. You needed to stop thinking, Liam was your one and only and you had promised to spend the rest of your life with him. You didn’t promise Tom that. Distracting you from the never-ending spiral of thoughts was a pillow thrown at your head making your eyes snap open to see Harrison guiltily standing behind Charlotte.

“You really want to start this?” You asked raising and eyebrow and smiling sarcastically. Another pillow hit you but from Charlotte this time, “That’s it” You stood throwing a pillow at Harrison hitting him square in the face. From this point it was a crazy frenzy of pillows being thrown and when Tom tripped on a spare one lying around and fell into you, it was ridiculously funny. You led underneath him laughing uncontrollably and protected you from pillows being thrown from your siblings. Your hands rested on Tom’s chest, so he didn’t fall on you and you could see now why this looked bad to your fiancée who walked in. The smile wiped from his face, but you didn’t see him until the room went silent.

“Y/N?” He asked as you mentally groaned pushing Tom gently off you, so you could stand, you awkwardly accepting his hand to help you up and you dusted off your trousers, “Can I have a word?”

“Babe we were just messing around, Tom tripped, it was an accident” He didn’t look convinced as your siblings and Tom stood in complete silence, “You know that Tom is my best friend okay? We were all just messing around” Liam nodded slowly before offering his hand to you and you took it as he spoke quietly to you; Tom and your siblings watching the conversation.

“You are mine Y/N. I’m trying for you and you’re making it difficult for me to find a reason as why I should. Don’t make me angry, we both don’t like it when I get angry; so, are we clear?” You nodded before he looked up at everyone in the room and he left going back up to the room you shared. You quickly turned around picking up any stray pillows on the floor and placing them back on the sofa. You weren’t going to cry in front of Charlotte and Harrison and definitely not Tom. Liam had never acted like that before and it scared you. You felt you deserved it though, you had to admit that you were playing along, and you didn’t stop yourself.

“Y/N” Tom spoke touching your shoulder, but you shrugged him off, “I didn’t mean”

“You need to be home soon. I think you should go, I’ll see you tomorrow” You looked at Tom, your eyes slightly watery. You were more embarrassed than anything else. Liam had said that in front of the most important people in your life. You had a right to be embarrassed.

“Y/N please”

“It’s fine Tom. I’ll see you tomorrow” You smiled, your eyes watering heavily now and you sighed before shrugging and leaving the room with a heavy heart.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

First of all, sorry it’s so late guys! Well it’s late since I live in the UK :/ I hope you are all well and enjoy part 3! This one obviously had more drama in it but it’s still cute.

Secondly, thank you so much for the reblogs, follows and likes over the past week, it’s been insane and I love and appreciate you all!

See you on Wednesday and let me know if you’d like to be in the taglist :)

TAGLIST:

@crimsonredcoco @ixchel-9275 @giuls-394 @racewife2004 @capetowncalabunga

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in-madhouses · 6 years

Photo

a truth universally acknowledged

for @softlyziall who asked for birthday smut. and also because i’m niall trash. love you.

“If you don’t hurry up, I’m going to piss into your beer, Horan,” she yells, fists banging on the bathroom door.

“Don’t sass me when you’re in my flat,” Niall proclaims from the other side of the door.

She snorts, “Sass? I’ll do you one better and give you actual piss. In your beer.”

She pounds on the door one more time for dramatic effect.

There is a flush and the door swings open at the last bit.

“You’re a terrible host,” she says, pushing him out and shutting the bathroom door behind her.

The Irish lad yells through the door as she does to the toilet bowl what she was threatening to do to his drink just seconds ago, “Should I be worried that this is suspiciously warm?”

“Would I be in here if I’d already relieved myself into your beer?” She yells back.

He mumbles a response from the other side of the door and she proceeds to finish up her bathroom business.

As she washes her hands in the sink, Iliana stares at her own reflection, wondering how exactly she got herself into this situation. This situation being alone with Niall Horan in his flat on her birthday. (Not like he knows it’s her birthday, but does it really matter?)

She vaguely traces it back to her best friend Lucy dragging her out to a party. It’s a friend of a friend’s thing and Iliana’s birthday is remarkably just a few short hours away so why not revel in the free booze, right? Wrong. Approximately two minutes into the said house party, her best friend has disappeared and she’s left completely alone. Typical, really.

And Lucy wonders why Iliana pretty much blames her for everything. It’s always Lucy getting her into some kind of trouble or another. Like moving to one if the most expensive cities for school. Getting their electricity cut because she spent the money on this “absolutely divine” dress instead of paying the bills. It’s all just the tip of the iceberg of their friendship really. And this time is no different.

Her best friend drags her to this party because she knows that Zayn Malik would be there and presumably upon locating him, she’s disappeared. On the eve of her birthday. After said her boyfriend of six months has been caught cheating on her.

Iliana used to think that there’s a line to her best friend’s destructiveness. Clearly, she’d been wrong.

Or maybe she’s just being bitter. Who knows. Bring on the cusp of adulthood and being left to your own devices can do that to you.

“You’re crashing,” a bored voice comes from behind and who should she find but one Niall Horan there staring at her.

“I was invited,” she says as she crosses her arms, indignant, even though he was technically right.

“Sure you are.”

“Sod off.”

He laughs and just hands her a beer.

She hates the beer she’s just been handed. Actually, she hates all beer. They taste, in her humble opinion, of ass. But he’s actually talking to her very lost looking self and she doesn’t want to be rude to the only person making an effort to communicate with her, so she entertains it.

The beer, and his company, as it turns out, actually makes her feel less pathetic about her life.

University was a lot lonelier than she thought it would be. She’d dreamed all her life of leaving home and when finally did get away from home, it’s just a drizzly expensive mess that is London and she’s often stuck in situations she hates.

Like the one unfolding before her very eyes.

She didn’t quite expect to see Niall there to be honest, wearing an oversized jumper at some bloke she’s never met’s party. But her heart does a 180, seeing him, like it’s suddenly seeing the sun for the first time.

He had always been one of the cooler kids, the one who always seemed to be surrounded by a circle of friends and had it all figured out. Always laughing, never looking quite as left out as she often feels. They had a few classes together, maybe caught one another’s eyes in the hallways occasionally, never really meaning anything significant to the other. But suddenly she’s at this party alone and it’s two hours to midnight and it’s almost her birthday and she finds herself in his his car, driving around aimlessly and laughing so much that she’s demanding he pull over so she could get out and get away from his sappy indie song choices.

When he does just that, they’re parked at the side of a dead end street lying down and talking on the hood of his car.

They talk about what their lives will be like later. When they’re older. Whey they aren’t forced to go to classes they don’t like to get a piece of paper they don’t need. When they have money. When they have time. Niall says that he plans to buy a house in the wilderness so he can invite people over to his “cabin in the woods” and watch as they freak out. She says that she wants to buy a dog and name it something silly like ‘Fetch’ and drive it mad with instructions like, “Fetch, stay!”

He laughs at that, a look of something she can’t quite decipher plastered on his face.

“Why did you decide to talk to me?” She asks, slicing through the carefully comfortably curated camaraderie.

There’s a pause.

“I dunno. You looked… lonely,” he says, shrugging and leaning back against the hood of his car, one hand behind his head.

“Right, like you know what that’s like,” Iliana rolls her eyes.

He says nothing, takes a sip from the bottle of vodka they nicked on the way out from the party, and stares up at the cloudy sky.

“I fucking—” He starts, then stops.

He looked as though like he wants to tell her something but can’t seem to get the words out.

“I hated everybody there, he confesses unexpectedly, “Except you, obviously.”

She feels lightheaded. It’s the beer, she thinks, and the vodka.

“You don’t know me.”

“Like I said, you looked lonely.”

“And you know what that’s like.”

He sighs.

“Sometimes it just doesn’t feel real, you know?”

“What?”

“This life.”

He doesn’t elaborate further and she doesn’t ask. She thinks that maybe, just maybe, he chose to talk to her because he’s lonely too.

“My boyfriend of six months was cheating on me,” she blurts out of the blue.

“Prick!”

“And he had the audacity to text me for forgiveness. Can you believe that?”

They both start laughing, full belly aching laughs. Niall is a wonderful audience she realises, and they concoct terrible ways they could disfigure her ex-boyfriend together. When it starts to get too nippy, as it does in late London nights, he slides off the hood of the car with a flourish, “Come on, it’s way past your bedtime and what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t send you straight home when it’s a quarter to midnight?”

“Piss. Off.” She says, enunciating both words while reaching to yank the Vodka bottle from him.

She feels rather emboldened. It could be the alcohol flowing through her veins, or it could just be that the casual friendship they have cultivated in the two short hours were as such; him being teasingly nice to her and her acting like she biting back at him.

The pressure of the bottle being pulled from his grip throws his off and she sees him go backwards. Like it’s caught on film or something, shot in high definition at 60 frames per second and slowed right down. Iliana reaches out like a shot, dropping the bottle and grabbing him by his jumper as she pulls him forward towards her to avoid a fall.

The whole thing lasts probably about two seconds but feels vastly longer.

Her heart is thudding, with her fingers a fist in the middle of his chest. She becomes inexplicably aware that he might just hear the dirty betrayal of her heart, her breathe, and her swallowing.

She lets go of the fabric of his shirt, fisted in her hand.

“You, should not be allowed to drive in this state,” she says, deflecting the electricity fissions that shooting up her spine.

“And you, should not be allowed to pick out male partners who cheat on you, yet here we are.”

She swats him right across the chest and he ends up driving them back to his place. He grabs them both beers from the fridge before disappearing into the bathroom when she says she needs to use the loo.

“I bet I wee a lot faster than you,” he says, running to the bathroom and shutting the door on her.

Iliana shakes her head at her own reflection and decides to get back out there before Niall starts to think she’s crawled out the window.

“Y’know what I need?” She asks as she walks out of the bathroom.

“A toe-curling and heart palpitating birthday snog?”

“I was going to go with a nice juicy hamburger,” she says, incredulous at his suggestion. It takes her a few seconds too long, but then it hits her, “Wait, how did you know it was my birthday?”

“Aaron called,” Niall says, tossing her her phone with a gleam in his eye before waltzing over to his fridge and offering her some birthday cheese after a short survey of its contents.

“And you thought it would be appropriate to pick up a call from a random girl’s ex-boyfriend?” Iliana asks, ignoring his cheese offering.

“We spent the past three hours, driving around and talking. Like actual conversation. At this point, I think you know me better than my mother does,” he laughs as he pulls out a plate.

“What d’you mean?” Iliana asks, putting her phone away and joining him in the kitchen area. (It’s less a kitchen area as it is a space with a fridge, a hotplate, and a sink. But it’s still miles better than the mess that she and Lucy call a kitchen back at their flat.)

“I mean, don’t you notice that most conversation that you have with the people you call your friends are kind of hollow?” Niall absentmindedly drawls as he lays of some crackers next to the cheese, “Like they’re vapid and meaningless most of the time, people don’t really talk anymore, you know?”

It’s strange, he’s gentle and like an earthquake all at once, Iliana thinks.

“Why do you do it then?” She asks, but he’s distracted with the little platter he’s putting together.

Ten seconds later, he’s handing her the plate and she can’t deny it, the cheese and crackers, although a little strange to eat at a practical stranger’s house, does look rather appealing.

He’s grinning at her, clearly well aware that he’s causing her stomach to flop up and down. She pops the some of the crackers and cheese into her mouth and they avoid eye contact for a bit. When she catches him staring at her, they both burst out into giggles, unsure of what’s actually happening.

If she liked him before, she’s definitely some kind of bone-crushingly in love with him now. (Not that she’s about to admit it to him, she’s not that unhinged… yet)

She’s halfway through the final cracker, pacing around the cramped living room when she finds the courage to speak again.

“You never answered my question… about why do it?” She swivels around to see him closely behind her, following her movements as she roams the small space and silently judge his posters on the walls. She almost feels rude asking such a personal question, in his personal space, eating his crackers and cheese, but she feels as if she’s knows him well enough for it to be okay.

“What, the parties and stuff?” He cocks an eyebrow, “I dunno, really. I guess it’s just easy. Being empty and vapid, until it’s not.”

Iliana tries to talk herself out of it, she really does. She thinks about all the reasons why she shouldn’t lean in and kiss him, but all the arguments seem weak and flimsy against one overwhelming reason to do it; she really really wants to.

They are both a little intoxicated and if anything, that only makes for things to end up more complicated that they already are. (Spending the night not having sex with someone will do that to you, who woulda thunk?)

She wants him, but she hangs on to any semblance of sanity by the skin of her teeth. So they talk some more, they talk about school and about the vapid parties and she realises she did hate him when she saw him on the first day of classes. Hated the idea of him. The idea of him being another one of them rich London boys who had everything handed to him on a platter. The idea of the pretentious faux intellectual party boy who cheats on his girlfriends.

The actual Niall is far from the pretend version of him she dreamt him up to be. The down to earth boy she consciously decided to align herself with ended up being the prick who cheats on his girlfriend for months before she finds out and confronts him about it.

And If that isn’t some life imitating art Pride and Prejudice shit, she’s not sure what is.

She tells him just that and he admits that maybe he’s a bit posher than he’d care to admit. She laughs at that as he starts making all kinds of confessions to push her buttons. Admissions like, “I peel the skin off of apples before eating them,” and, “I don’t fuck with insects, that’s a poor people problem.”

She’s laughing so hard that it rattles through her chest cavity.

“Oh, and I play golf. Like me still?”

“No, you’re right, that is the absolute worst, I don’t know why I’m even here anymore,” she shrugs, biting back a smile.

He laughs at that and it rumbles something deep within her, feels it wake something in her tired tired bones. It’s as endearing as it is painful and Iliana isn’t sure which is more overwhelming, the desire or the frustration, because she’s feeling it all.

And if the looks he’s giving her coupled with the increasingly frequent casual displays of affection and multiple subject changes are anything to go by, he is, too.

The talking and teasing and laughing is easy and natural, but she has never been so aware of someone’s proximity in her life and it is equal parts terrifying and exhilarating. He stops talking, noticing her silence, and he’s looking at her with an expression she can’t quite place.

“Sick of me yet?” He asks, voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

“Don’t let it get to your head… but I don’t think that’s possible.”

She can’t help it, in a split second of thoughtlessness, she leans in and kisses him, their lips soft as they brush up against one another.

When she pulls away from the kiss, the plate of cheese and cracker crumbs drop to the ground with a crash and suddenly there isn’t anything to do but stare at each other with their breath caught in their respective throats.

There is a certain trepidation in his eyes, as though to say not here. Not now. Not like this.

As though he’s not quite willing to gamble this new… whatever it is that they are for the sake of some short term gratification.

But he cracks after a second that almost draws out to feel like forever, hoarsely saying, “Fuck it.”

Niall leans in to capture her lips softly, his hands caressing her and she feels him everywhere. On her skin, in her veins, in the stars that fills her eyes. She kisses back, her hands finding the nape of his neck and playing with the hair there.

They start off slowly, patiently, reverently, until it all becomes too much. His hands slip under her clothes and she trails hers down his shoulder blades before tugging at the soft jumper edges, pulling it over his head and gently scratching down his back.

He’s been gradually walking them backwards, and when her back finally hits the door to, she assumes his bedroom, it’s all the leverage he needs to pull her up and trap her between the wall and him, grinding his erection into her.

Her legs wrap instinctively around his waist, drawing him closer. She grinds against him greedily, wanting more, needing more. A hiss escapes from his throat and his hand reaches blindly for the door knob, swinging the door open behind her.

He all but carries her to the bed and places her down, gentler than she expects. His lips crash down onto hers again and she eagerly matches his intensity, their tongues and teeth dancing and bumping in the pursuit of more.

They fumble around with the remnants of their clothing and she scoots backward once she’s bare, moving closer to be headboard. He leans in to runs his hands up the curves of her legs, dipping into the sweet spot while her lips greedily work its way down his neck.

There’s no space between their gasps of breath, no break in their continuous of searing skin on skin exploration.

She lets out a moan as his fingers continue their planned ministrations, squirming at the mercy of his hands, slow and torturous, the calm before the storm.

Prior experience led her to expect that he would slip on a condom and proceed thereon out, but the boy with his hand between her legs surprised her in more ways that one as the night progresses. Instead, when his hands withdrew, it is to spread her legs open wider.

She didn’t even realise how much she’d been looking forward to feeling his mouth on her center until he’d moved down to the bottom of the bed and bent forward to trail a series of wet kisses on her thigh.

The moans and groans tumble out of her mouth far louder than she’d expected at the feel of his lips.

Her eyes flutter shut despite wanting to watch him between her legs. Before long, her hips are bucking off the mattress of their own accord, desperately seeking more friction against his mouth.

“Easy, petal.”

He places both hands on either side of her hips to continue devouring her, and it sends her reeling, her nerves soaring and her mind remarkably blank.

All the words she knows are fuck, and yes. (Not as though she’s capable of verbalising them.)

He doesn’t stop, not when her fingers roam restlessly over his scalp. Not when she tugs desperately on his hair, and not when she arches her back deeper into him and gasps his name over and over between a string of obscenities.

By the time he slides in, stretching her out deliciously with each inch, she is almost fully unravelled. His thrusts are slow and deliberate, driving her alarmingly close to the orgasm simmering below the surface of her skin.

They kiss hungrily as they continue to fuck, slow and dirty, until she throws her head back in a silent scream as their pelvis continues to push and pull together, accelerating to a frantic tempo.

And then at once, they are both lost to the moment.

“Fuck,” Niall all but grunts.

“Are you using that as an inflection or an exclamation?” Iliana asks between breaths.

“I dunno, what’s an inflection again? The latter? Both?”

She giggles at that and they fall into silence again, sleep creeping in and enveloping them.

“Remember when you hated me?” He tries to joke, half smiling and out of breath from their exertion just minutes ago.

“No.” She says, truthfully. His hands are on her stomach and hip bones and she’s pretty sure her lungs have forgotten what oxygen is, let alone the assumptions she had about him years ago.

Who can even remember that long ago? Who can remember a time before they were this gelatinous mess of tangled limbs?

They laugh into the night, wrapped up in one another.

#yes im aware your birthday was days ago #i'm just trash like that okay #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan smut #a university au

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cloudravine · 6 years

Text

I was tagged by Ri, aka @harry-did-that! 💗💛 Here are my (absolutely iconic) answers, after keeping you in suspense for ages haha ;3

1. when and how did you become a fan? give me all the details and feelings hit me with that nostalgia!

haahaha you already know this, but I became a fan in December 2017 rip 🙈 I’d been listening a lot to SOTT since its release and kept seeing Harry on my dash and thinking he looked really cool; and some time at the beginning of December, I watched the Kiwi video and some other stuff (the carpool karaoke, the sketches with James, etc.) and basically fell into the abyss overnight lmao. I started looking for tickets to attend Harry’s Oslo concert literally one (1) day later, and things went a bit out of control from there. Since my extra ass always needs to know everything, my love for Harry naturally brought me to One Direction, and within a few weeks I was in love with the whole band. :’) I’ve been listening to 1D radio all day long since then, and yeah, now I’d die for our five boys. 💕🌸

2. whats ur fave 1d moment/memory?

I sadly don’t have many moments as a fan yet, but yeah, definitely Hazza’s Oslo concert! 😍😍😍

3. if you were to fight harry how would you go about it

I just... wouldn’t tbh. I’m super soft and HATE conflict and confrontation in general, and with Harry I’d definitely end up shaking and crying if we had a real fight, cause I’d just be so scared to upset/annoy him.

BUT!!! We could have a tickling battle sdfgsjdg :D I’d try to find his weak spots and get him to giggle a lot - but I’d totally let him win in the end since, well, I’m weak like that. :’) 💛

4. so like, if we had 1d (ot4/ot5 idc) locked in a room and given them truth serum slkdnlksdnf sorry for this au but, what 3 questions would you ask them (feel free to do more than 3 its been almost 8 years full of lies so)

Okaaay, let’s go with one question for each of ‘em laddies! 😊

Harry: The boys have said that you almost never lose your temper for real, but that it’s kinda scary when you do. What are some situations in which you absolutely lost your shit, and what did you say/do in the heat of the moment?

Louis: Tell me about the incident when you called Harry a “curly-haired c*nt” 😇

Liam: What do you really think about 1D’s management?

Niall: Please explain what was going on in your head when you wrote these, and also when you said rabbits are your pet peeve cause they’re “pointless” haahaha 😂🙈

Zayn: What the fuck haPPENED ZAYNIE BOY??? :((((

5. tell me some of your fave people on here (treat ppl with kindness spread love n all that look at me being a proper Harrie™)

There’s soooo many people I love on here and it’d take me ages to write about all of them, so let’s go with two of the most important hehe :D @amantisegreti and @kvartetmenneskeerenoy, you’re my fave demon Louies in the whole world and I love you a whole lot!!! 💖 Our conversations (or should I say crying parties) are all I need in my life rn, and I really couldn’t wish for better friends to share everything with. 🌈🌸

6. signature scent/favorite perfume(s)?

Between Us by One Direction 😌 (nope, I’m not joking haaha, and I’m actually such a hoe for that perfume tbh :D)

8. please tell me a random fact or story about you, give me that Exclusive knowledge

I have a thing called synesthesia, which in my case translates to being able to taste sounds. I’ve had it all my life! Basically, what happens is that many words (especially French ones) have a very specific taste for me. For example, Rianne is kinda like... bacon, I guess? 🙈 Pretty unfortunate example, but yeah, you get my point lmao ;3

6. money, body issues, and all that shit aside, what would your dream fashion aesthetic be?

I seriously spent twenty minutes staring at my computer with a blank look, only to come to the conclusion that I have no preferred style and usually just go with whatever I see and like lmao :’D Sorry for the boring answer... Well, what I can say is that I love shit like vintage dresses, suspenders, soft pastel sweaters, flower prints, and classy cuts/colours with a touch of gold or silver. 😊

9. would you rather have: the cut bits of carpool karaoke like the mcdonalds drive through, audio’s of all the 70 songs harry wrote (yes including baby honey), the infinity music video, the 900 hours of unseen this is us footage, harry’s dunkirk audition tape, a recording of that alleged hour long zarry phonecall when zayn left, or a copy of nialls folder full of unseen selfies with his boys. you kno what im nice you can have two

Oh my god... I’m probably gonna have to go with the 70 songs and the Zarry phone call, though I’d obviously sell one of my livers to get any of these sdgsjh 😩

10. whats something you’re proud of?

This is going to expose how bad a nerd I am haha, but my greatest life achievement was when I won the first place at an Elvish poetry contest in 2013. My poem was published in an Elvish language scholarly journal, right next to an article by the scholar who taught me everything I know about said language dshfgsj 😭😭 I still cry inside whenever I think about it rip

(Here’s the evidence, in case you’re not convinced this is really a thing haha 😄)

11. something you regret?

I’m always gonna regret not becoming a 1D fan earlier... :( It truly breaks my heart to think about all the time I wasted without the boys in my life, and how I could’ve supported and loved them all along. 💔

12. what bothers you? here’s a chance to… go off

Okay, I could probably be bitter and complain all day about stuff that annoys me haha, but here’s a few things:

When people claim that a certain cat or dog is “ugly”????? Excuse you, my dude?? Ugly cats and dogs do not exist, every single one of them is perfect just the way it is.

Some specific mouth noises, or when someone breathes too loudly gdfhjgd

When my brain stops working (usually because I’m tired to the point of passing out) and I say something very stupid and embarrassing that I regret so hard later

Whenever anyone disrespects, undermines, insults or diminishes the boys in any capacity, or generally treats them in any way less than what they deserve (aka the whole frickin’ world)

#ily ri 💞💗#harry-did-that #amantisegreti #kvartetmenneskeerenoy #about #interactions #text: harry styles #text: louis tomlinson #text: liam payne #text: zayn malik #text: niall horan #text: one direction

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looselucy · 6 years

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February

The kettle boiled as I sat taking in the fact that it was two men in front of me. Harry was upstairs unpacking a few things, and I was left alone with them, trying to make a good impression but it had just completely thrown me.

I had never met anyone with two gay parents, never in my life, and because of that it was never something I pictured when I thought of families. I hated that. I wasn’t narrow-minded, not even close, it just never came to mind. I was kind of mentally punching myself in the face for it, but it was a bit of a bombshell. “What was your name, sorry?” The man who I had met second asked. “Pippa.” I told him. “What’s yours, sorry?” “I’m Ben.” He replied. “And I’m Kev.” The man who had greeted us said. “Well it’s really nice to meet you both.” “So, do you live with Harry?” Kev asked as the kettle whistled. “Yeah.” I said simply. “Are you close?” He asked. “Not really. We’re working on it.” I smiled coyly. Harry sauntered back into the kitchen, wearing a giant baggy jumper, his hair in a bun, tight jeans still on, and an adorable smile on his face. It was so easy to tell how happy he was to be home. Their house was beautiful, mainly a mix of whites and dark blues. Everything seemed to match, everything was clean and smooth to the touch. There was the occasional burst of green in the plants scattered around their home. It was all very pristine. I sat on top of the white leather stool as he came over, his eyes soft, dimples on show. “Hope you’re being nice.” He smirked. “Of course we are!” Ben shot. “Not you, this one!” He said, pointing and sitting next to me. “Hey!” I cried. “I’m always nice.” Harry nudged me with his shoulder once he was next to me as Ben finished the cups of tea and brought them over. I thanked him quietly, and the two men still seemed completely confused by what was in front of them. I wasn’t the only one who had been caught off guard. “So, why aren’t you going home for the week?” Kev asked me innocently. Harry tensed a little next to me, then went to take a sip of his tea, unsure what else to do. But, as it had been with everyone in the flat, it seemed pointless to lie about it. “Umm... my mum and dad are mid... split, I guess. Better to stay out of it.” “Oh, honey, I’m sorry to hear that!” Ben placed a hand on his heart. “No, it’s good, it’s fine.” I smiled. “But, thank you so much for taking me in. I really appreciate it. I’ll behave myself.” They all laughed lightly, and then took a sip of their drinks, all weirdly in time with another, even though their brews were piping hot. They were so clearly a family, y’know? There was just that feeling, being in there, even though I felt so welcome already, I still had that niggling feeling that I was intruding, that I was definitely not really part of their fundamentals. I had so many questions, but I had only been there for a matter of minutes. I really wanted to know if he was adopted, if there was a surrogate mother, how this had affected Harry throughout his life. God, I just wanted to know everything. It was itching away at my skin. I knew things must have been that way for a long time, they worked too well together. There was no hint whatsoever that they weren’t a real family, other than gender, and I figured that didn’t really matter. Families came in all shapes and sizes, this was just one I hadn’t seen before. “So do you have any plans, whilst you’re here?” Kev asked us. I couldn’t help but also mentally punch myself for the stereotypical images that came alongside thinking of gay couples, because those two didn’t fit that bill, not even a little bit. They were both well built, neither necessarily camp or flamboyant, facial hair, deep voices. Basically, no one you would ever pass in the street and take a guess at their sexuality. I could say I wasn’t narrow-minded, but it didn’t mean I had no preconceived ideas about things, and they were proving me wrong, and I loved that. It wasn’t a regular occurrence that I liked to be proved wrong. “Think we’re gunna meet Niall and Naomi for a bit, get some drinks.” Harry replied. “On a Monday?” Ben asked, confused. I felt that pain. Things were different at university, and we had kind of become accustom to it. There were bars and clubs open every day of the week, and such couldn’t be said when you lived in small towns like mine and Harry’s. “We’ll find somewhere.” Harry said confidently. “Me and Niall were talking about heading into Manchester at the weekend too, if you’re up for that, Pip-Squeak?” “Yeah, sounds good.” Manchester was a middle point, for myself and Harry, somewhere we both knew pretty well, the closest big city we had. “Anyway, Ben, we better make a move.” “Where are you going?” Harry quizzed. “Gunna pop round to your nans for a bit. Think she’s been feeling a bit lonely recently, given it’s been a year.” Harry just nodded, didn’t say anything, not that he needed to. It seemed obvious enough that Harry’s grandmas partner, whose sexuality I decided not to predict, had passed away. “Help yourself to anything in the fridge, and please make yourself at home. Honestly, you look so tense, my love. You’re more than welcome to be here.” Ben smiled kindly. “Thank you.” I mumbled. The two of them came and gave Harry big, sloppy kisses on the cheek before they made their way out the front door, Harry walking them down the corridor to see them out. As soon as he walked back, and was in my sight again, he was more than waiting for me to say something. There was a mischievous look on his face, waiting for me to unravel now I could do it without his parents seeing. “Tah-dah!” He shimmied his hands. “I’m completely baffled.” I huffed out a laugh. “Thought you might be. What surprised you the most?” He grinned. “Honestly?” “Honestly.” “How happy, you seem.” I gave him the gods honest truth. “With the way you speak about families, honestly, I wasn’t expecting to walk in and see a family that seems so... fucking wonderful.” “I do have a brilliant family.” He blushed. That just confused me even more, but me and Harry were so early into the beginning shreds of our friendship, it felt like it would almost be intrusive to ask him more. It hinted towards adoption, maybe something that wasn’t so healthy before Kev and Ben came to be his parents, but I just couldn’t bring myself to ask. So I said the next thing that automatically came to mind. “Well, I’m happy for you. That’s sick.” + + + The pub we had found ourselves in was grim to say the least, but apparently it was the only place in town that served drinks until 3am, so obviously, it was our only choice. But it was relatively quiet, the landlady was appallingly nice and had her tits out to the perfect extent you would expect from a landlady, and she had quickly told me it was something she did on purpose, since she liked fitting the stereotype. She was wonderful. It hit me in the throat a little when she told me she was called Lisa, because all I could think about was my mum, who shared the same name. I had quickly text through pure guilt, hoping she was okay, a level of culpability due to the fact I hadn’t even told either of my parents I was due home that week. She quickly told me she was doing well, and I tried to push the entire thing to the back of my mind. “Okay, they’ll be here in five.” Harry mumbled, putting his phone back in his pocket. We were doing pretty well, the only thing that had struck me was the lack of conversation. I hated it, we were both trying so hard, but at a few points throughout the day, it was like we had absolutely nothing to talk about. The company of Niall and his girlfriend was something I knew both of us were looking forward to, something we both needed, unfortunately. “Is Niall the one Ed knows?” I asked. “Yeah. Met him in Ibiza.” “Okay, well I have a good impression straight away then.” “Uh, excuse me, Pip-Squeak, how is that fair? You knew Ed liked me, and you still hated me?” He mocked. “Well I had my own impressions of you. They were not so good.” I smiled. “They weren’t, were they?” “Suppose you’re okay. Just okay.” “I’m more than okay, Pip-Squeak.” He smirked. It suddenly dawned on me how long it had been since I called him up on the fact he called me Pip-Squeak. I couldn’t decide if I had just gotten used to it, or if it didn’t wind me up quite as much as it once had. I took a sip of the golden substance Harry had kindly purchased me, and tried to come to terms with where I was and how quickly things had turned on their heads. Only a matter of weeks before, I was painfully excited about going home for reading week, and I was barely talking to Harry. Now I was in some random pub I didn’t know, in Harry’s home town, texting my mum in the hope she was okay. Weird, how things had changed. But I was happy, no denying that. “I decided not tell Zayn I’m here.” I turned to him. “Oh. Alright. Why?” “Because when you mentioned how confused everyone will be when we get back and we’re mates, the whole idea of that was so stupidly appealing to me, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.” I crinkled my nose. “HAH! Brilliant. It will be great, to be fair.” “Before I forget, Niall’s girlfriend is called Natalie, right?” “Naomi.” He corrected. “Oh shit. I am gunna fuck this up royally.” I groaned. “You’ll be fine, she’s really nice. Also, if you get confused, just call her N-Two. Niall is N-One. They’ve been together so long, they kind of had to have a team name. I thought that up.” He said smugly. “How long have they been together?” “Since they were fifteen.” He said with wide eyes. “You’ve never seen two people so in love, it’s ridiculous. If they don’t get married, my faith in love will be completely smashed to pieces.” Harry would never admit it, but I figured he was a bit of a hopeless romantic. There were times where he had taken the piss out of Mike for being that way, and those times were my first hint that he was the same way. My second hint was when he mentioned Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks on the drive over. Only real hopeless romantics still held faith in that pairing. Me being one of them. Now his admiration for Niall and his girlfriend was another hint. Then, he gave me hint number four, in a way I wasn’t really expecting.Thanks to how small the place was, eyes were drawn to the door as soon as it opened, I guess it was also down to the fact we were waiting for Niall and Naomi. “Oh shit.” Harry sunk into his seat. An extremely beautiful girl had walked in, and sent him utterly spiralling. Not only was she beautiful, but like, naturally cool. She had an aura around her as soon as he walked in, tiny shorts and docs on, shabby blonde hair and dark eyes. She walked past us to move to the back section of the pub, giving Harry an awkward smile and a tiny ‘hello’ as she passed. He saluted her and tucked his lips into his mouth, waiting until she was out of sight before he buried his face into his hands. “What the fuck was that?” I whispered sternly. “Girl I’ve been obsessed with since college.” He grunted. “Oh. Why was it so awkward?” I asked, still whispering. “I lost my virginity to her, practically declared my love for her and she was like, no thanks. Fuck sake. I hate living in small places where everyone knows everyone. Fuck. I need another drink.” “You still have half a-” My words drowned in my mouth as his pint drowned in his. All she had done was walk past us, and she had gotten such a reaction from him. I had to know more, I had to have even more of a back story. “Fuck me.” He cringed as he slammed the empty glass on the table. “How old were you when-” “Sixteen.” He told me. “She was eighteen. Of course I was obsessed with her. Jesus. She’s a bit of a bitch, to be honest. Just... Urgh. You know those people? Just like, someone in your life who you just have a bit of an infatuation with? That is her, for me.” “Does she know?” I asked. “NO!” He spat. “Don’t be ridiculous! She’s already rejected me once, can’t be arsed going through that again.” “Well, I had a little stalk on Facebook, gunna be honest here, I’m holding my hands up to it, and you look completely different now than how you looked when you were sixteen.” “You Facebook stalked me?” I regretted saying it straight away because Harry didn’t need any more fuel than he already had to make his head even bigger. I rolled my eyes and tutted. “Just a little stalk.” I said. “I’m easy on the eye, right?” He puckered his brows. “Fuck off!” “Still, I don’t want to be with her. Just want to get over the obsession-” “HARRY LAD!” We both shot our heads to the door, where the bellowing voice had come from. Niall practically ran over as Harry got up to his feet and the two boys hugged tightly, swaying back and forth, knocking the table and knocking over Harry’s empty pint glass. It was hard to see an interaction like that and not grin like a complete idiot. I looked just past them and saw the girl who Niall had walked in with at the bar. She was gorgeous, long black hair all down her back, striking eyes, a skin-tight, skin coloured dress on her tiny frame. They were an attractive couple. Extremely so. “Pippa!” Niall cheered when the hug ended, extending his arms so I would hug him next, so I got up and did so. “Hi! Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” I smiled. “All good, I hope?” He responded in the typical manner as the hug ended. “Of course.” “I’m gunna be honest, Pippa, haven’t actually heard much about you. And what I have heard, not the best.” “Yeah, that’s because me and Harry kind of hate each other.” I shrugged. “Hated, Pip-Squeak, we’re moving more onto the stage of liking each other now, right?” Harry smiled, sitting back down. I followed suit as Niall tucked out the stool from the round table and watched us both with a massive smile on his face. It was pretty obvious he had been drinking before he arrived. “I guess so.” I shrugged. “So are we getting drunk?” Niall asked us. “Aren’t you already drunk?” I chuckled. “Maybe a little.” “Ignore him, he’s absolutely wasted.” Naomi smiled as she approached, leaning to give Harry a kiss on the cheek. She really was exceptionally pretty. It was obvious in the way that Harry eyed her up as she bent his way, regardless of the fact she was with his best friend. Hell, even I eyed her up a little bit, I couldn’t help it. “How’s it going, N-Two?” Harry asked. “URGH, Pippa, please tell him that isn’t even witty. I find that nickname completely insufferable.” “He’s called me Pip-Squeak for months, seems like annoying nicknames are his forte.” “No!” He scoffed. “Being charming and gorgeous is my forte.” Naomi grabbed a chair round my side but tucked it as close to Niall as physically possible, like they hadn’t been together for ages and she just had to be near him. Their arms brushed as she tucked the stool in, smiling in my direction. “I’m Naomi.” She gave me her hand. “Or N-Two, if you have zero creativity.” “Pippa.” I said shyly, shaking her hand. “I’ve opened a tab at the bar, it’s all on me tonight.” She shrugged casually. Harry thanked her as casually as she had told us she would be paying for our drinks all night, and Niall turned his head to pucker and smack his lips at her before just going back to his pint. It seemed it was only me that was surprised by that comment. “I’m sorry, what?” I baffled. “Mm.” She mumbled and flushed as she swallowed the substance in her mouth. “My dad’s loaded and hands me money left, right and centre. All I have to spend it on is clothes and booze so, yeah. Also, I’m the only one here who isn’t a student so, there’s that.” “Oh. What do you do?” I was intrigued. “I do peoples makeup in Selfridges in the Dior section.” “That’s so cool. But, are you sure about the drinks? I’d rather give you some money and-” “Please don’t, Sweetie. It’s fine.” She was more than happy to do that, which was great, but kind of unnatural, especially having been a student since September. It wasn’t often you would stumble across people who had that kind of money, to just do that. “Well, thank you.” I mumbled. She flicked her wrist in the air. It obviously wasn’t a big deal to her, at all. The three of them began catching up, Niall and Harry especially, and I just sat and watched, occasionally chipping in whenever I could, but it was hard to get in on the conversations they were having. Either way, it was nice, being there with him, seeing Harry completely relaxed, comfortable in every sense of the word. I was so glad I was there. + + + Harry was drunk, and his eyes were all over the girl he had spotted earlier, the girl he had lost his virginity to. As the evening had gotten on, the pub had become more crowded, it obviously being the only place to drink into the early hours on a Monday, and Lisa the landlady had decided to get the karaoke machine out. The atmosphere was chipper and loud, crowded and lovely. We were stood at the bar, and Harry was leaning his elbow against it, just staring her out. “You should go up to her.” I told him, a little unsteady on my feet too. “You think?” ”Yeah, definitely!” I cried. “Then if she turns you down again, maybe the infatuation will die a death. If she doesn’t turn you down... I dunno. You’ll probably have sex with her and make babies and have a really nice time.” He just nodded, eyes still on her, swaying a little more. It was like he was in love with her; it was stupid, really. From what he had said when he told Niall she was there, I had learnt her name was Minnie, and he had barely even spoke to her before and since losing his virginity to her. It was infatuation at it’s absolutely finest. He didn’t even know her, but the way he was looking at her suggested a long-lost love, like he had grown old and withered thinking of this girl. Completely bizarre. “Go on!” I yelled. “Right. Yeah. I’ll just go and say, hey Minnie, remember the sex we had? That was good. We should try that again.” He was absolutely wasted, and I had only just realised. That was probably due to the fact I was also pretty wasted. “Yeah. Now go!” He stood just nodding, like he was still confident, like he was going to do it, but he didn’t move. So I slid behind him, trapped between his back and the bar, and pushed him towards where she was. “What are you doing?” He laughed, purposefully putting his weight back on me. “Harry you are crushing me!” I yelped. He squished me right back against the bar, wiggling his bum playfully, obviously very amused by his antics, whereas I felt like he was going to stop me from breathing at any second. “Can anyone hear that?” He pretended to speak to himself. “It’s like a little... squeaky noise? I think it’s coming from behind me.” “I swear to god-” “I suppose I better check what that is.” He pushed harder. I was genuinely using all the strength I had in my arms, but my efforts fell flat. I knew Harry looked after himself, but trying to shove him off me made me realise he was built like a brick shithouse. That was when I also noticed the real, genuine change in our relationship. If he had done that to me a couple of months previous, it would have made me hate him, it would have actually angered me and made me want to hit him. Now it was funny, now I was laughing along with him, admiring his drunken state. It was a completely different realm. “Harry, move!” He finally stopped, turning around as though looking for a small object as the source of the noise, forging a loss of balance. “I found the source of the squeaking! It’s a Pip-Squeak!” He cheered. I gave a weak punch to the section of his stomach where I knew the butterfly tattoo was, you could even see it slightly thanks to his thin, white t-shirt. With little to no warning, Harry wrapped his arms tightly around my neck, and hugged me. There I was, staying in his house, having lived with him for months, met his bloody parents, and this was the first time we had hugged. My body stiffened thanks to the action. It was unfamiliar and strange, having him hold me like that, like we were friends. I think my breathing even stopped. It didn’t take long for Harry to catch on either, because he kept his arms around me, but his body stiffened too, aware of how odd it all was. But before he could move away, I slithered my arms round his back so I could hold him too, because I really didn’t want him to let go. I didn’t want the hug to be weird, I wanted it to be another step in the right direction. “I’m glad we’re friends.” He whispered into my hair. I had this overwhelming urge to cry, which wasn’t too surprising, given it was me, but I couldn’t even figure out why on earth such a thing would make me cry, so I pulled out and pushed him gently away, noticing his new look as the distance between us returned. He looked sombre, almost. Just not quite right. “Go talk to her.” I pushed him from me again. He heaved his chest in and then back out, before nodding, and spinning on his heel to go in her direction. As soon as he wasn’t by my side, Niall and Naomi re-joined me. They had been stood next to us all night but we had kind of split off into two groups after a while, I’m not even entirely sure why. “What’s he doing?” Niall asked. “Going to talk to Minnie.” We watched his back as he walked, slowly but surely. “NOOO!” They both cried perfectly in time with one another. “What?” “No no no.” Niall shook his head, a lot, and very quickly. “She’s awful. We don’t like her. Complete bitch. Not right for him. God damn. It’s hard to say it to him because he’s so obsessed, but we generally try to keep him away from her. God damn, Pippa.” “Oh no, but he likes her!” I moaned. “URGH, wrong! He likes the idea of her.” Harry must have only been seconds away from being with her, when a boy walked up to Minnie and possessively put his arm around her, not because he had spotted Harry, that just seemed to be the way he touched her. Minnie eased into the lads side. Within a split-second, Harry had spun on his heel and was marching back towards as pale as a ghost, his eyes the widest I had ever seen without any drugs in his system, his speed twice as fast as what it had been when he was walking towards her. We all just burst out laughing. “Never trying that again.” He heaved as he reached us. “Oh no!” Niall tried to hide his sarcasm once he had stopped laughing. “What a shame. An absolute shame.” + + + “I can’t, Harry, honestly.” I mumbled by his bedroom door. “Look, Pip-Squeak, I’ve set up a very lovely spot on the floor here, it actually looks really comfortable, so shut up and get in bed.” “But it’s your bed!” “And you’re my guest, and I want to be a good host. So please, for the love of god, just get in fucking bed before I murder you.” I did as I was told, clambering over the sheets and pillows on the floor right next to his bed and tucking myself in pretty quickly, feeling rude for taking his double bed for myself but also feeling very snug and comfortable, so it was easy for me to stop putting up a fight. I settled in the side furthest from the wall the bed was beside, as Harry got down on the floor and settled into his makeshift bed, which genuinely did look really good. It was weird, if Harry was raised a little higher, we would have been sleeping right next to one another, the only thing between us was the distance from the bed to the floor. I settled on my side, and dropped my hand over the edge, purposefully hitting him in the face. “OI! What was that for?” He chortled, moving his face away from my hand. “Thanks for having me.” “Hit me in the face again and you’re out!” “Yeah yeah.” I moved my hand as though his threat was genuine, and opting for lying on my back and staring up to the ceiling, just like he was. It was quiet, for a very, very long time. We had opted to walk home from the pub, which was very cold, but it was nice. We had such a laugh walking home together, and it gave me the chance to sober enough so that I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up. That would have been awful, my first night in his home after meeting the parents and vomiting in his toilet. I was glad that I was snuggled in bed, feeling right as rain. I figured, after some time, that he had fallen asleep. There had been dead silence for such a long time, and it would have made complete sense if he was asleep. I can’t have been far away from nodding off myself before he finally spoke. “My mum used to kick my door in.” “Huh?” My eyes had shot open, but I don’t think I had fully taken in what he had just told me, but I was definitely already alarmed. He explained himself. “It’s one of the only things I remember about her, really. I was really young, when she… Fuck. She used to kick my door in and... then she’d… She just wasn’t a very nice woman. I think that’s why I flipped so much, when you kicked my door. That’s why I struggled so much… I’m sorry, Pip.” My heart was in my throat, the image of a young Harry trapped and terrified in his own home, probably using something to block his bedroom door to save himself from the woman he had the disdain of calling mother. He answered so many questions, just by saying that. “It’s okay.” I whispered, because I couldn’t possibly voice all the things I was aching to.

#HAPPY READING #BB14 #1dff #Harry Styles #talk to me

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