#people who fight over one of them and demean the other in ships or in general are just assholes

[rayylock]

literally chamika

#i will die on this hill #chamika #people who fight over one of them and demean the other in ships or in general are just assholes #<3 #just kiss each other already god damn

[anxious-witch]

Also, I didn't want to make a post yesterday because I feel very all over the place and I was for once in my life busy with some irl stuff.

That said. I am a multipshipper. I wrote everything from jance, poly! JO, bojere, and recently bokris. And I even understand that some ships hit harder for some of us than others, and we all have our wishes and preferences.

But there is really no need to fight or demean other people's ships to lift up your own. Repeat after me. Real people cannot queerbait. It's not a thing, it has never been a thing and assuming it's queerbaiting you are potentially forcing people to come out before they are ready. Don't do that shit.

Furthermore, I will be the first one to say I have no idea what kind of rs Jan and Nace and Bojan and Kris have. Platonic, romantic, both, in between, undefined idc. None of us know, alright? Unless they confirm anything, none of us know. Fanfics are fanfics and real life is real life.

But saying something is insincere because you don't like it? Saying it's fan service? These are REAL people. Doing a photoshoot. A very intimate photoshoot.

You are telling me Damon, who did Kris and Bojan's shots to such depth and detail would risk his reputation to do an "insincere" fan service? If he thought their realtionship(whatever form it is) was insincere, he wouldn't have done the shoot this way. He could have easily included them both in the shoot in a less intimate manner if he felt that was right. But he didn't.

I am tired of ppl picking up a fight over this. I tried to be reasonable and nice and bow out, but God, some of you need to touch grass. Not because of being a shipper but because of how far you are willing to do to justify it.

Block me if you wish, if that's healthier for you, but also for the love of God, learn to separate fanfic and real life. I am a writer, but there has to be a line somewhere. Cool? Cool.

#joker out #rio rambles #rio rants

[mae-i-scribble]

I rewatched a few of the early episodes of spyfam today bc getting to see the movie gave me an itch to scratch, and in particular episode two made me finally able to conceptualize what about fandom twiyor that irks me so deeply. If you like widespread fandom interpretations of them I would uh, look away bc none of my opinions on it are positive.

Episode 2 of the spyfam anime remains one of my favorites because of all the little flourishes the studios add to sell you on Yor as a character while also expanding a bit on the manga's original commentary on the stigma that follows older single women. What draws Yor and Loid together as a family is that neither of them are capable of having conventional relationships. Both of them are war orphans forced to grow up far too soon and who threw away aspects of their humanity to fight for what they believe to be a better world. While Loid's position as a spy and mastery of deception allows him to avoid the stigmas that would come from the ordinary person discovering what he does, that is not something that holds true for Yor, whose weakest point is that she simply cannot understand "normal." She's aware of the way her coworkers demean her and insult her but can do nothing about it because her only conflict resolution skill is murder. She is constantly reminded that she is an outsider, hence why Loid's declaration at the party is so meaningful to her, and what convinces her to ask him to continue the facade as a married couple.

Underneath it all however, is a quiet showcase of amatonormativity that drove both Loid and Yor to their arrangement. Eden requires a student to have a perfectly nuclear family. Societal conventions dictate that Yor, happily single at 27, is someone pathetic (to her coworkers) or someone in need of help (to her brother). Marriage is an expectation that Yor is pressured to commit to, and a societal requirement that Loid must uphold for the sake of his mission. And while this showcase begins in episode 2 it is something that spyfam continues to highlight when it comes to the expectations both Loid and Yor struggle to meet when they try to hard/become to anxious over what is "expected" as a married couple vs what the other person is actually thinking/feeling.

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with fandom you ask? Here's the thing. Spyfam reached the broad range of anime fans when it exploded in popularity, which is when I started engaging with it beyond just comments on the latest manga chapters. Modern fandom already has the issue of classifying ships into tropes rather than actually like, shipping characters as they are. And that's exactly what happened with twiyor. People began going "oh my gosh this is the moment she fell for loid," "oh he's so in love with her just look at him," before we had even reached episode 10. Which was incredibly frustrating to me because clearly Loid and Yor are not anywhere near in love that soon in the story- and the basis for that frustration starts in episode 2 for me. Because Loid and Yor's marriage is one that is unconventional from the very beginning, and it is that factor that defines their dynamic an allows them to function as healthily and sweetly as they do. People don't need to be in love to be married or to be a parental unit. None of that requires romantic love, it is simply an expectation of our society, the same sort of expectation that cripples Yor and makes her think she has to find a partner, then that she has to find a husband to appease those around her. Seeing that completely erased in a large portion of art/commentary/fics written about them angers me because its something baked into the foundation of their dynamic and something I feel enhances them as a potential romantic pairing rather than detracts from it. But we can't have that because of course a man and woman living together and caring for a kid fell in love almost immediately.

And don't even get me started on how people misinterpret Loid for their far more romantic interpretations of his motivations and relationship with Anya and Yor or else I will start losing teeth from how hard I am clenching my jaw

#spyfam #spy x family #criticism #mae rants #for me the ultimate appeal of spyfam is them as a FAMILY #far more than loid and yor as a couple #to both of them their main goal is preserving the familial unit #and i say this as someone who fully expects and is excited for a slow romance with yor and loid #it just makes me so mad how people talk about them as a romantic couple #and obvious disclaimer of not all people yadda yadda im just generalizing here and i know that #doesnt make me less frustrated when the great interpretations seem to be a minority

[dufferpuffer]

Just read about you okaying one of the anon ask about random ships. Because just like so many people I too like your analysis...

I know that this might be out of your usual circle of favorite characters. Or a little strange ship too...

But I always found it interesting to think about two rebels of rhe family. One from house of black and one from house of Weasley.

Sirius Black and Percy Weasley.

I think the fandom has slept on Percy's potential as a lead character for good story.

Harry dislikes percy right along ron and twins etc but if we see from certain angle he was nit wrong in not trusting dumbles. And he having trust in ministry and authority figures and not wanting to be part of a vigilante group is also not bad thing.

Him having fights with parents is also nothing new, we all at certain age think that we know better than them.

Percy is a gryffindor though. He didn't say no because he was scared to fight. He said no because he didn't like Dumbledore approach. Again understandable as order was full of teens and ya with bright future if not for albus pushing them to fight

Mr and mrs Weasley make it seem like they don't want their children to fight but since they are affected by the war we can't say them no too. But they did everything in front of children in ootp. R + h+ h will be the front warriors because of harry but twins and Charlie and bill do follow their parents' foot steps..

The dynamic bw Sirius and percy I would like to explore but my brain is not much help in it as to what will be the interaction be like.

I mean with Sirius having seen with his own eyes that under Dumbledore regime they are all like sitting ducks, dumbles not helping his own unlawful imprisonment situation, making things difficult for harry.

What if the two join forces.

I too dont like age gap romances but in Wizarding word people live more that 150 years so what is a 14-15 year age difference.

If you are irked about a romantic relationship bw the two than you can share your thought on them platonically joining forces to help each other...

Sirius has a unique situation because he understand what it feels to just move away from your family. That it is not all sunshine and roses. That it is a tough decision. He also has been wronged by order and it's leader by ignorance and indifference, same as percy who like a typical middle child feels left out.

Sirius knows that though ministry is useless, this time he also doesn't wants to bet all his chances of win on Dumbledore like last time...

If you are interested I will like to hear your thoughts 🤔💭

Ok, first of all - I do not mind age gaps. It would be pretty hypocritical if I did, since my partner is 17 years older than me lol I cannot blame Percy for fucking a hot old man when I, too, fuck the hot old men. I find the whole concept of 'age gaps being irksome' demeaning - not to mention rooted in sexism, homophobia and ableism. An adult should be able to love another adult. Period.

That being said - Percy and Sirius... an interesting concept.

Overall I think, while they have ALOT of similarities, they have some aspects that would grind against each-other. That doesn't mean I don't think they can work, I just think they have a hump to get over: - Sirius' judgemental nature and being a playful bully. - Percy's pride and protective nature (being like his mother).

Sirius is an understanding, compassionate guy... but there are things that crawl right up under his skin: - Like 'abandoning' the people you love. He isn't an idiot, he can tell Percy hasn't abandoned his family, but he would think he is wasting his time at the Ministry of all places rather than actually being there physically and emotionally for them. - He also can't stand stiffs. His parents, his brother - even Molly herself, doesn't want the kids to do anything... He is a firecracker. He likes to poke sleeping bears and break some rules. - Percy is proud, to a ridiculous level. He will close his eyes to the truth in order to keep pushing. He has decided on what he will do - and even if everyone he loves says no. He has the childish desire to be a Big Grown Boy which leaves his ego easily bruised... and Sirius would find that naive, and perhaps a little too much like his brother. Percy may be an adult, but he acts like a snotty little brat.

The main dynamic I could imagine them having - Is Sirius being annoying, like a third Twin, someone that pokes fun at Percy's expense for a laugh... but with a burning, caring desire to not let Percy become another Regulus... or another HIMSELF. Facing the pain of having to lose a sibling before he has the chance to reconcile with them - just because he was stubborn.

I think Sirius would want to SAVE him from his own mistakes... and for Percy, having yet another person see his ambition as a mistake would be aggravating. Sirius' earnestness with his concern would harm his pride. And that's an interesting dynamic to work through. Perhaps, forced to abandon his pride - like being fired from the Ministry - would open Percy up to listening to an old dog who has seen the 'truth' of the world...?

Maybe spending more time with Sirius and seeing how the Ministry has treated him - how they continue to treat him - would disillusion him to the Ministry. He believes when his family says Voldemort is back, and he believes Sirius when he says he was innocent... and so he finally has to make himself wake up from his dreams and put his burning passions to a different goal.

Sirius is trapped in his house... but Percy is free. Maybe it starts as just running errands, but turns into a team. The both of them working together - maybe Percy even working within the Ministry, spying for Sirius specifically. Spending all that time alone together, moping about becoming jaded, drinking about their dreams going up in smoke... I mean if you want intimacy or romance that's a perfect launchpad.

I know in the extended text below its alot of negative stuff but I would DEVOUR a good fic about them. I would LOVE that. If you are planning on writing one WRITE IT - and if you aren't... any recs?

Extended thoughts below (900ish words)

Firstly... I love Albus. I stand by him and most of his decisions... though I agree that Sirius is probably not the biggest fan and for good reasons... but I don't think we actually see him disagreeing with Albus much in canon...? I might be forgetting something. Sirius is DEFINITELY keen on the 'child-soldier' thing. He FIGHTS for Harry and the kids to be involved when they are underage. If Percy wants his entire family out of the war, especially his siblings... Sirius wants them in. An interesting conflict.

~~~

I don't think Percy didn't join the Order because it was 'full of teens' - it wasn't. It had 3 teens that visited sometimes - and they were kept in the dark until they were 17. Dumbledore wasn't making child soldiers, aside from Harry - but what choice does he have? "...with bright futures if not for albus pushing them to fight" They won't have ANY future if they don't fight for their lives. By the end of GoF it isn't a question of if, but when: When will Harry be forced by fate to fulfill the prophecy? When will the Burrows' protective charms fail and expose them? When will Hermione fight for her life as a muggleborn? These events are guaranteed. Not hypothetical.

I know this is a tangent, but Albus fought in possibly BOTH Muggle World Wars and three Wizarding wars. He knows the horrors of war. He tried to shelter Harry, to keep him at arms length, unaware of politics, hidden in safe places... but he couldn't do that forever. Especially not when the Ministry was unhelpful, most of the Wizarding World was blinded by propaganda - and he was dying.

Shit I talked about Albus too much again, what was I saying? Oh yeah - I don't think Percy didn't join the order because of that. I think he simply had faith in the Ministry and Pride in himself. His older siblings left the country, leaving him as the eldest. His father stayed in a low-paying job he was constantly putting at risk... and wasn't trying to be promoted. He wanted to turn his families life around. He LOVES his family.

~~~

While Sirius knows how difficult it is to leave family you have a complicated relationship with - he left his family because he rejected them. He numbed himself to their fates the best he could.

Percy left because he loves them. He wants to support his little brothers and sister. He wants to make his Mother proud and earn his fathers respect. He was going to work his ass off in these turbulent times and work his way up to being Minister of Magic.

...Sirius would think that is very cute. He is jaded. "You really think Cornelius Fudge got to his position through 'hard work'' and 'honest effort'...? Oh, you sweet boy... how naive." But I also think it would bamboozle him a little: "You love your family, but you left them? You aren't fighting with them? You're messing about at the ministry instead of being their knight...? You're being a cute little secretary or whatever to the same old bastard that pushed for me not to get a trial??" Sirius is loyal to a fault. He would acknowledge Percy's drive as admirable but think he is putting it all in the wrong place. Sirius could see Percy's heart, his intent, his love - in a way that others don't... but he doesn't relate. Percy's heart is good - but he's off chasing silly dreams. This isn't the time for dreams. This is war.

~~~

Percy was a proud prefect and Head Boy - exactly the sort of rule-enforcing snob Sirius would terrorize for fun. That's not a deal-breaker or anything - but Sirius is more like Fred/George. An interesting dynamic since Percy can't stand bullying.

~~~

Percy has faith in the Ministry, enough to stick with them all the way until the last book - and thus, has little faith in Sirius Black. He isn't going to out him, but he doesn't see him doing much either: 'Sitting drinking in your mothers house... Not exactly trying to clear your name, are you?' He might even feel some embarrassment for how the Ministry failed Sirius, which could come out in all sorts of victim-blamey ways.

~~~

Percy doesn't have many people on his side, but he doesn't feel like he NEEDS them on his side. He is a big tough man all on his own! Sirius might show him compassion and some understanding, but I don't know if Percy would care to listen to him. He is a bit independent man now - and, for awhile, people trying to show him compassion and understanding might make him feel patronized.

~~~

Just the image of Percy sending back his christmas jumper, disowning his family... Sirius would go off his rocker. He knows what family pressure is like - but he also knows what the Weasley dynamic is. He knows what Percy is pushing away from and it is pathetic. They love him in all the ways Sirius' family never did, and for Percy to reject that would hurt Sirius, too. "...You made your mother cry, Perce. And Molly isn't like my mother."

~~~

Also sorry this took awhile I wanted to both give it good thought - and shit got busy, I fostered an injured bird for awhile

#hp #sirius black #percy weasley

[dylanndr]

Lucius wears what appear to be the trousers and shoes of a seaman in the English navy. The uniforms of the English seamen aren't completely identical to each other - there are a few different styles on display when they invade The Revenge - but the trousers and shoes Lucius is wearing are in line with the variations we see. His shirt and jacket don't bear any resemblance to the English seamen's uniform.

This mix of naval uniform and civilian clothing got me speculating about Lucius's past.

It's not actually inconceivable that Lucius is ex-navy, believe it or not. He could have been hired on as a Captain's clerk, which is basically what he does for Stede, and is a position that was open to landsmen (i.e., knowing shit about sailing/fighting not required). Captain's clerk was a civilian position that would have allowed one to wear civilian clothing, and was typically held by a younger man working his way up to becoming a purser.

Landsmen in general were the lowest of the low on a ship and had menial labor foisted upon them due to their lack of sailing experience. But the Captain's clerk was a fairly prestigious position, which could explain why Lucius gets so furious with Izzy over being made to clean off barnacles. It's not just that he's angry about being put to work in this fashion, it's that it is literally not his job to do this, he's not THAT KIND of landsman. Unfortunately for Lucius, humiliating people is one of Izzy's few sources of pleasure in this life, and if you look closely you can see a huge grin on Izzy's face as he lowers Lucius down to his demeaning task.

When The Revenge is captured by Badminton, Lucius offers his services to the English ("in case you're hiring after all this"), and specifically leans on his reading and writing skills. Even if he hadn't ever formally been in the navy, the job he appears to be applying for here is one that requires literacy, so he's probably thinking Captain's clerk.

But who knows? Maybe he nicked the trousers and shoes from somewhere during his pickpocketing days, out of desperation and need. Or maybe he was having it off with a seaman in the English navy, things went sour, and he thought keeping a couple of clothing articles could lead to a reunion …

#our flag means death #ofmd meta #ofmd lucius #Lucius Spriggs #izzy hands #ofmd spoilers

[aerialsquid]

FFXIVWrite 2023 Day 12: Dowdy

Cid is being gay about large Bozjan men. Contains references to fantasy racism/Orientalism.

The wind shrieked in tangled, icy gales across the frigid hills of Zadnor. Cid wondered if Bozja had always been this cold - coming from Garlemald it had seemed almost balmy, the first time he'd come here.Perhaps it was long enough ago that the climate had shifted.

He was thirty-bloody-four. He shouldn't feel this old. Every bit of him felt as weathered as the scraped-bare cliffs outside the thin walls of the collapsible hut he'd set up over the top of his airship. The walls kept the heat in, at least, but he could still hear the wind, and the occasional faint sound of explosions that grew fainter as the night grew on. Both sides of the conflict seemed to get tired of fighting as the night's chill grew in. 

Which left Cid without much to do. The little shack was scattered with stray bits of paper, mostly crumpled up in frustration. His brain was going too damn fast to think straight. He shouldn't be here. He should be here but not here, he should be out working

A soft knock came at the small door to the shack. Cid tensed, his hand reflexively reaching out for a wrench.

"Master Garlond?"

"Bajsaljen? Hold on!" Cid immediately went to open the hatch, though his tension didn't ease. The soft-furred, kindly face of the leader of the Bozjan Resistance appeared through the doorway, followed by the rest of his sizable body as he squeezed his way into the hut.

"I'm impressed how warm you can keep it in here, Master Garlond. Whatever you use to insulate these walls, it's impressive," he said, fanning himself with one hand as he yanked open the clasps of his coat. Cid rather wished he wouldn't. They were in close quarters already, the hut barely allowing space for a bed and small worktable, and Bajseljen was. A lot of man.

A distracting amount of man.

Cid had come of that age where a man notices other bodies right when he'd been shipped off to Bozja Citadel to help out his father and he couldn't deny that fact had led to some effects on his mental development. There were rarely Hrothgar in important government positions for the occupation government but they were around all the same, peopling the streets and banging away in the workshops, impossible to ignore. One of the rare queens who chose to collaborate with the Garleans had a husband serving as the contact for Midas's team, and that husband had a son around Cid's age, Azkholri. They'd made only the mildest of small talk around each other, trying not to seem overfamiliar, but Cid's eyes had…wandered. 

Looking back now Cid felt embarrassed for his younger self's enthusiasm for the exotic.

Bad enough to come into another country, occupy it, use it as a test base for experiments you didn't dare do at home, but to objectify the residents as well felt like insult to injury. It hadn't been just looking, either. Cid's schoolmates had filled his head with stories about the foreign Hrothgar were like, comparing them to near-beastmen in their mindset and culture.

The grapevine had claimed Hrothgar were such savages that even their bodies were designed to cause pain, that they had barbs 'on their thing'' and could not breed without first drawing blood and screams from their women. Emperor preserve any Garlean woman who chose to demean herself enough to make love to one, for they would surely shred her to bits 'down there' with their monstrous tools.

Cid had, in Cid fashion, dug an anatomy book out of their library to confirm that no, that was not actually a thing. The shape of a Hrothgar was a bit different from that of a Garlean male but it wasn't as if they had fishhooks attached to their tackle. 

Of course none of his intensive research had helped the slightest bit in diminishing his fascination with Bozja's flowers of manhood. And now here was Bajsaljen, sitting barely a foot from him, stripping down to his sleeveless undershirt and setting out a bottle of locally brewed arak.

#ffxivwrite2023

[the-firebird69]

David Bowie - Starman (Top Of The Pops, 1972)

Who used to hear this guy back then and he's saying is Gabriel and he was talking to you a little and he said which Gable are you and he was surprised and it was your granddaddy and he was bothering us about it and holy s*** is Uncle Vic and that was hell he's sitting there saying it's a valuable experience on the way home he's been harsh but that's what the life is and I started to take it to heart and I said I've lived like this and I know what he's saying and I started to try and he wanted me to and it's like what you do but he is much more extreme and I suddenly see why he wanted us to be up to snuff and he wanted us to stop the demons we just really not doing that and these robot things are going to have take over and he knew that would happen if he's really demeaning that people would say that are something but it's kind of true we'd have to have Starfleet academy everywhere and we hardly do that at all and he says I should open it up for our people and open up other schools like that so I care and also to see what the effect would be people need to get out of their little shoe box before they just run into a hole and he's always said stuff like that and he says it wouldn't hurt to employ people not like Brad he need him to make chips and stuff but people who make things like Trump full scale models of a starship for like the courtyard and Trump is mad cuz he does more than that but he's really getting to that point and he's saying to me like sculptures of these ships and even half scale but when you walk in it's very impressive and you'll see it in the square and it's about education and I'd have like a basic level it's like a junior college and then there's like college and then University and we could have different levels for people so they can learn you know and be an answer and maybe that's as far as they go but still an instant in a starship is very far and there's a lot of those around but even strawberries it can be an academy and he's saying like semi-formal like a navy base you can live off base and go in for classes but you'd have to start screening and practice and it will get us offered off in other areas and we're going to lose The fleets and the Star blazers are back up. You can see it in the movies and he wants my higher ups to join the X-Men alpha flight and even dragon Ball z and in order to get information about George and things like that and he's pretty sure he's out of here he's up there and we are kind of friends but we don't like it cuz they're always doing this kind of thing and they've done it and they're succeeding with just them so we have to see how to do that they're very small and very sharp and we're big and we can do it as well it's challenge and they're beating the empire The empire has not caught up with them this is what this song is about and it's my life's work it's about Mars and Saturday is too big right now and John Travolta is complaining because we're attacking and you're trying to recuperate in the movie Pelham one two three The taking of and it really States to go after the money to control it and there's going to be a big fight between the big parties over a control of the money to try and stay afloat I'm going to get these things going and it's a great idea and it's a great way to keep people going instead of becoming big poo poo poo heads

David Bowie

#Youtube

[anoseforrottenapples]

ship meme! mary x face

Who starts putting up decorations in October? Neither of them are really ‘early’ decorators. Face generally leaves the more ‘domestic’ areas in Mary’s sphere, and she firmly believes that every holiday has its place. Until the leftover Thanksgiving turkey has been properly turned into soups and casseroles, and the calendar has been rolled over to December, there will not be a stray snowman or poinsettia in Mary’s domain. Once the Christmas season begins properly, then Mary goes all out.

Who buys the advent calendars? Face because he thinks they’re neat. Mary was unsure about giving Thomas his first one—she was worried it might dilute the real reasons behind the Advent season, but Face eventually talked her into it. Now they are a tradition.

Who places mistletoe all around the house? Mary puts it up for traditional reasons, seeing as it is a classic staple of a properly decorated house. Face just takes advantage of the opportunities represented by aforementioned traditions whenever he gets a chance.

Who wraps the presents for other people? Mary and Face are both more likely to take the presents to a gift-wrapping station and have someone else do them. They have enough going on, they might as well get a little help somewhere.

Who puts the final star/angel on the top of the Christmas tree? Face because he is taller, but Mary gives the directions and makes sure it is seated properly on the tree.

Who’s the one that hates eggnog? Face never cared much for eggnog until he tried Mary’s homemade version. That successfully converted him but only for her recipe.  

Who’s the one that bakes Christmas cookies for guests? Mary. She enjoys baking and tends to go overboard. Face’s duties are restricted to testing new recipes and keeping Thomas out of the kitchen when Mary is in full baking mode.

Who sends out the Christmas cards? Face. Mary can do office-type work, but it is hardly her favorite task. On the other hand, Face is great at that kind of work so she can just give him all the supplies and leave him to it.

Who knows all the words to twelve days of Christmas? Thomas, actually. Being little, he actually has time to memorize such things, and he painstakingly tries to teach all the repetitions to his mother and Face. Face comes in second—when a man has a friend like Murdock, it is inevitable that the song gets stuck in his head several times every season.

Who’s the better snowman builder? Mary, actually, though most people would not know it. Growing up on Long Island, she is used to playing in the snow. Face, being an LA native as far as he knows, has far less experience and ends up relying on Mary to teach him all the things she has known since she was little.

Who starts snowball fights? It depends on who is feeling the most impish. Face is usually the one who starts them, though Mary’s been known to lob one at the back of his head when he is distracted by something else. She denies it, naturally, but her aim is quite excellent, and Face is an expert at detecting liars. Such stunts normally end with a return of fire and both parties ending up in a snowbank.

Who’s the one that wakes the other on Christmas morning by playing Christmas songs really loudly? Neither. Mary has much more refined ways of getting her household up at Christmas and sees no reason why the holidays have to start with heart attacks. She prefers luring people awake with the scent of sticky buns and coffee.

Who has the ugliest Christmas sweater? Face, via Murdock. Mary will not demean herself by wearing most of them, and her sometimes weak sense of humor definitely does not stretch that far.

Who still writes from Santa on the gifts? Face. It’s an orphanage habit—though the priests usually used St. Nicholas instead of Santa. Most of the gifts were donated anyways so saying ‘St. Nicholas’ was a nice, generic way of covering the gap. He has just never shaken it, even after all these years and the fact that he has proper names to put on the tags now.

#Muse: Mary Woodhull #retrograderesemblance #Templeton Peck #Mary/Face: I'd Lie for You and That's the Truth. Do Anything You Asked Me Too. I'd Even Sell My Soul for You #Every once in a while I find a stray meme from months ago #that somehow got missed...

[admirableadmiranda]

Debts and balances: or how much does one man have to pay over the course of his life?

Good morning everyone! Today we’re going to be talking about debts, and why Jiang Cheng needs to shut the fuck up on debts because he is the one in the wrong pretty much the entire time.

Let’s start by acknowledging that I am not of this culture so I may perhaps state a thing or two wrong, but I also have several functioning brain cells to rub together and I pay attention so I will probably be more right than most of the “hot takes” I see on why Jiang Cheng is not actually in the wrong here. Because he is. He so is.

So, debts. First of all, there are multiple levels and layers of debts and to whom do you owe them too. So let’s start with the first one where the story is subtle about it and yet both Jiang Cheng and Madam Yu are in the wrong. We know that Cangse Sanren saved Jiang Fengmian’s life at one point when they were young. Life debts are big. To only be alive because of someone else’s actions is a debt that it is possible you will never be able to pay back. There are multiple stories of otherwise good people protecting the obvious villain because they owe that.

Jiang Fengmian’s only way of being able to pay back that debt after Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze die is to take care of their child and raise him how they would have. I.E, as a cultivator. This is not a debt that Wei Wuxian owes to the Jiangs. It is quite literally, the least of what Jiang Fengmian owes him and his parents to do.

Jiang Cheng cannot claim that Wei Wuxian owes them for his life. He is wrong. 

Next debt that even Jiang Cheng does not try to claim, only his ever so pleasant stans, the fucking dogs. The fucking dogs that he does not actually give a fuck about. 

Wei Wuxian does not ask anyone to do anything about the dogs. He is not in a mental state to. He is in a state of triggered phobia where his brain literally goes into run away screaming mode. This is also not funny and Jiang Cheng is a jackass for making fun of it whenever it happens. Jiang Fengmian is the one who decides that it’s better for the dogs to go. Even though Jiang Cheng is upset, he does not actually hold this as a lingering grudge against Wei Wuxian. He lets it the fuck go. And even if he didn’t, the resentment and anger should be aimed at the person who actually made a decision about it. Not Wei Wuxian. He does not give one singular fuck about his dogs later on. Let the fucking dogs go.

Third off: The Fall of Lotus Pier. There are different levels of blame that we can lay on this. Wei Wuxian is not close to responsible for this. Jiang Cheng knows this and elects to blame him anyway.

The first people we can lay the blame on the fall of Lotus Pier is the Wens, who came with ships, warriors, Wang Lingjiao to rile up the notoriously short tempered asshole Madam Yu, and Wen Zhuliu the Core-Melting Hand. They came prepared for battle and they got what they wanted. Madam Yu is the second one we can lay the blame on, for deciding to attack and demean Wang Lingjiao, not for making her do anything she didn’t want to do, because holy hell did she want to whip Wei Wuxian until he couldn’t move and leapt at the chance to do such a thing, but because Wang Lingjiao is a servant who was elevated by her lover and Madam Yu is a classist asshole. This is the only reason she flips out. Wei Wuxian did nothing wrong. Wei Wuxian does not have the blood of Lotus Pier on his hands, he is tied to Jiang Cheng and told to protect him at the cost of his life, a debt he does not owe. 

The four debt he attempts to claim, the only one that might be considered to have some teeth if it weren’t for how much Wei Wuxian gives him back almost immediately. Jiang Cheng goes to distract the Wens from Wei Wuxian and ends up getting captured and losing his golden core. So first off, in this world a golden core is a lot to lose, I won’t deny that. But, first off, Wei Wuxian is only in danger because after being whipped a lot, then strangled, then having to run after Jiang Cheng multiple times because he would rather go die at Lotus Pier than listen to either of his parents and escape, he still goes into town to get them something to eat because otherwise Jiang Cheng would rather lie on the ground and die. Fucking great sect leadership there, huh Jiang Cheng? But yes, Jiang Cheng sees the Wens, sees them notice Wei Wuxian, goes off to distract them and then gets captured and loses his golden core.

Now we’re getting to some of the debts that Jiang Cheng owes and refuses to pay back, because that’s definitely going to get him far in this world. Wei Wuxian in his panic and attempt to find Jiang Cheng, finds Wen Ning, who after some struggles manages to convince him that he can sneak in and get Jiang Cheng back out. In addition, he also retrieves the bodies of Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian. This is huge. Jiang Cheng now owes him both a life debt for again, saving his life at great cost to his own: Wen Ning is literally committing treason here, and also for restoring the lost honor of not being able to bury his parents properly. Wen Ning gives them a proper burial and later after the war he is able to lie them to rest in the Ancestors Hall so their spirits will be at peace and he will have fulfilled his fillial duties. By all means, the debt he owes Wen Ning in particular is so great that he should have taken in every Wen in those camps and sheltered them because it is as close as he will ever get to repaying that debt. And that’s just Wen Ning!

The next debt he owes and refuses to pay is to Wen Qing, a genius doctor and respected by Wen Ruohan, who uses the prestige and skills she has to protect both him and Wei Wuxian in at this point enemy territory when they are being actively searched for, being the new sect leader and head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. She hides them and then later uses her skills to give him a new golden core so that he can go and fight back against his people, revitalizing his clan and eradicating hers. This is another debt that could only really be paid back by protecting her people if she came to him. He owes her literally his life, his power and his people.

The third debt he owes and refuses to pay is to Wei Wuxian, who more than overbalances the scales back in his favor by giving him his golden core. He pays his chance at immortality, his power, his strength, his cultivation, everything that he has to his name so that Jiang Cheng won’t starve himself to death over losing his core. In addition, he tells Jiang Cheng that this comes from a once in a lifetime favor from his mother’s master so even before when he didn’t know about the core, this is still a massive, massive debt, a limitless one time favor from an immortal that he uses Wei Wuxian’s chance to get and never actually thanks him. So at this point, his own golden core as a debt starts to seem a little hollow. Either way, it’s been repaid. An action you do in service of someone else is not a weapon you get to hold over their heads for multiple lives.

Moving on! The next debt he would like to claim is that Wei Wuxian apparently has no right to do things he does not approve of. Excuse me? Is he now a computer program that crashed? What the fuck Jiang Wanyin? Wei Wuxian has less rank than him, although Jiang Cheng is so high rank in this society that he only shares his rank with three other people and there’s no one above him so it would be very hard for him to not be, but he is still a person, with his own thoughts, wishes, dreams, hopes and beliefs. He is not an extension of your hand, to make your clan look good and stand behind you as a hammer to smash on people. Wen Qing goes to Wei Wuxian to ask for help for finding her brother, her people because they are literally being tortured to death. This is a debt that by all means, Jiang Cheng should be repaying. See that part where Wen Ning committed treason to help him and restore his family’s honor? See that part where Wen Qing literally gave him the ability to go back to war against her family? This is the point where anyone with honor would recognize this is the only thing I can do. I will throw myself on my sword if I must, but I must repay this debt to them. There is nothing less I can do. But Jiang Cheng has only the honor of a mangy cur and ignores this, and when Wei Wuxian goes to fulfill this debt, he tells him to stop. To him, his multiple life debts are an inconvience to shoving his nose so far up Jin Guangshan’s ass that he’s tasting what he had for dinner that day.

The next debt that he would like to claim is the death of his brother in law. This is a debt that Wei Wuxian would owe to specific people. This debt is to Jiang Yanli, Jin Guangshan and Jin Ling, one of whom is wanting to forgive it, one who is too small to decide at the time, and one who straight up does not give a fuck beyond advancing his power. Jiang Cheng is not one of these people. His sister is fine, she’s not his concern anymore, she’s a part of the Jin sect. The only reason why he died is that Jiang Cheng decided the best way to repay his debt to Wei Wuxian was to throw a temper tantrum and declare him an enemy to everyone, ripping out every support from under his feet. Regardless, Jiang Cheng is an asshole and does not get to claim this debt.

The final one of Wei Wuxian’s first life that he keeps hurling at him is the death of his sister...the death of his sister who chose to leap between Wei Wuxian and a sword. The death of his sister at a battle that broke out because Jiang Cheng has been with Jin Guangshan whipping the cultivation world into a frenzy against the Wens and Wei Wuxian because of power and jealousy. The battle that would have not happened if they’d left them alone. Jiang Cheng has been to the burial mounds. He has seen the farmers, he has seen the baby there. He has decided that rather than do anything to repay these various deaths, he will kill them on other people’s swords instead. Because he is also a coward and won’t pick fights he can’t win. In addition he likes to steal Yanli’s agency, she’s the one who chose to come, she’s the one who chose to get in the way and she doesn’t die with regrets. And she is not his debt to claim. Again, the one who actually gets to claim this death that Wei Wuxian is not responsible for is Jin Ling, who actually shapes up and decides that it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t blame Wei Wuxian for it. He forgives him his role in that space and moves the fuck on, unlike a certain sir stabby grape mcwhipinnoencts.

And then Wei Wuxian dies and any debts he may have still owed to Jiang Cheng, not that there were any, die with him. Jiang Cheng has no claim on him, he was not part of his sect, they were not brothers in any way, indeed Jiang Cheng called him his enemy. Even most people with far more real grudges at this point would let it go. Wei Wuxian is so dead that no one can find his soul, no matter how hard they look. He comes back to life and reaps the rewards of his actions, finding new allies, getting the chance to actually interact with Jin Ling and make his apologies, and in the end, settle down to a peaceful life with an adoring husband and nothing left to be repaid. If there is still a debt he owes, it is only to Mo Xuanyu, who gave up his entire cycle of life to let Wei Wuxian reincarnate early with his memories, a sacrifice he only asked for repayment in the death of his family. He may owe more still, but that is all Mo Xuanyu wanted from him in repayment for this great sacrifice. The cultivation world is in the wrong when they’re trying to persecute him again for the actions of his previous life, he owes them nothing anymore. The debts he carries towards Jin Ling are the ones he chooses to take on, feeling guilty that he grew up without his parents due to the world’s general actions and also no one else taking responsibility for how far things fell. 

That is what Jiang Cheng finally realizes in the temple, crouched on the floor and sobbing like a spoiled child over the golden core sacrifice. Is that he is in the wrong and has been in the wrong the whole time. That there is nothing he can hold onto, no debt that Wei Wuxian ever owed him that he could demand to be paid. He built it all up in his head as he left his honor, his family and his dignity in the wake of his arrogance. And it’s a painful thing to realize, the consequences of your decisions, but all he can do is live with his own ruined reputation, his own loneliness and the fact that no one wants to be around him. He’s blacklisted by multiple matchmakers, his disciples are more like thugs, Wei Wuxian chooses every opportunity to get away from him and even Jin Ling likes him less and less over the course of the book, not forgetting that he seems to prefer Jin Guangyao to begin with as he actually talks to him sometimes and doesn’t hit him. Jiang Cheng refusing to pay his debts gives him exactly what a debt deserter deserves. No one has a reason to trust him. The one bit of positive character growth he does is giving up and not trying to reel him back in by telling him of the sacrifice. At this point, all it would be is just him trying to get another debt he cannot hold because it is long since repaid, never quite made up for what they gave him to make up for it, and worthless in the face of Wei Wuxian’s new life. Wei Wuxian owes him nothing and never has.

Also, just to tally up the relationship between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng on things given between the two of them, Jiang Cheng gives him: a lot of whinging on how unfair it is that Wei Wuxian is a prodigy, and a one time immediately regretted and held over his head sacrifice of a golden core. Whereas Wei Wuxian gives him: many lessons on how to be a kinder person that he ignores, the patience and tolerance of his stinkbug attitude, his love, his affection, his fucking golden core, his reputation, his blood, his livelihood, taking over his debts, trying to keep any of his actions from reflecting on the Jiangs even though if Jiang Cheng had repaid any of the debts he owed, there would have been no problems because if the Jin’s did decide to attack, Wei Wuxian would fight back and he can level battle fields on his own, his honor, his relationships, and even his life in the end, because if Wei Wuxian had ever turned on him like he claimed, he would have been a bloody smeared spot on the ground. And Jiang Cheng gobbles this all up and demands more with Wei Wuxian’s blood and tears dribbling from his mouth. 

Would you give that much for someone who doesn’t treat you well? Would you find that a reasonable price to pay for someone who demeans you at every opportunity, who tells you you deserve your misfortunes and that no one likes you? Why are you surprised that in the end Wei Wuxian would rather walk away with people who care about him, why he gives up, leaves any opportunity for anything in Jiang Cheng’s hands. Wei Wuxian has given more than any person should for almost nothing. It is a sign of triumph and victory, of recognizing his own worth and value in the world and who he wants to be with, that he leaves, that he walks away with his head held high. He owes Jiang Cheng nothing, and Jiang Cheng will just have to fucking live with that.

#mdzs #jiang cheng #canon jiang cheng #let's talk about debt #long post #let's use fuck as a exclamation mark #modaozushi is the story of walking away from an abusive relationship and we should recognize that #no yunmeng reconciliation #wei wuxian #wei wuxian did nothing wrong #addressing common misconceptions when it comes to debts to be paid #let's stop excusing Jiang Cheng avoiding paying any of his debts

[kiribaku-headcanons]

CAN CAN WE PLEASE GET MORE ANGST HCS,,,

kiribaku + angst (tw // homophobia)

there has never been an openly gay pro hero. agencies told queer heroes to stay in the closet and keep it hidden. that their society was not ready for an open and proud queer hero.

kirishima and bakugou were graduating from u.a with their classmates. kirishima was signed on to work as a side kick at fatgum’s agency. bakugou signed on to work with deku and todoroki at endeavors.

they were open about their relationship. they’ve been together since first year. fatgum supported them. he’s been advocating for them and their relationship ship since the beginning alongside tamaki. he always told kirishima he would support him no matter what whether he wanted to publicly come out or not.

bakugou didn’t have that. endeavor knew of his sexual orientation and his relationship. as bakugou signed on with him endeavor told him that it was not wise ‘to continue down this road’

endeavor told bakugou to either end it or have their relationship go into secrecy. bakugou was going to ask kirishima to hide their relationship.

until kirishima came back to the dorms one day after a meeting with fatgum and said that he wanted to publicly come out. that fatgum and tamaki were standing behind him for any fallout it may cause in society.

bakugou saw how happy kirishima was. how proud he was of who he is. and bakugou couldn’t take that away from him. but he took endeavor’s advice to heart.

after graduation bakugou broke up with kirishima. he told kirishima they were heading towards different goals and he needed to focus on himself and his career. he knew he was spewing utter nonsense. he was sobbing around his words. he was always so sure of himself but in this moment his words were all over the place. he was stuttering. he was a mess

but what hurt the most was how understanding kirishima was. bakugou didn’t look at kirishima once while he spoke but after he finished he looked at him. and despite all the tears in his eyes kirishima was smiling. “if that is what you think is the best i won’t fight it. i just want you to be happy katsuki. and if this is what will make you happy then i’m happy for you.”

but bakugou wasn’t happy. he was miserable.

he started working with deku and todoroki. he was quickly rising through the ranks at endeavors agency and making a name for himself. everyone talked about how one day he was going to be the #1 hero. people constantly praised him. heroes wanted to work with him. he had deal after deal signed. but he wasn’t happy. he couldn’t find himself enjoying any of it.

it was affecting his performance and work. he knew despite what everyone believed he wasn’t doing his best. he just felt so drained and tired all the time.

deku and todoroki tried talking to him. sero and kaminari tried talking to him. mina was ignoring him. his classmates randomly checked in on him. they all thought he was so stupid for what he did to kirishima. he couldn’t blame them.

kirishima tried reaching out to him. but bakugou ignored him because it hurt too much.

it hurt seeing kirishima. seeing him on the news or hearing people talk about him. any mention of kirishima hurt so incredibly bad.

and he was ashamed of himself. for kirishima did what he wanted, he came out publicly after graduation and officially starting work as a hero at fatgum’s agency. he received an onslaught of hate. people questioned his ability to be a hero. said he was a bad influence and role model for children. people booed him when they saw him on patrol. people sent hate and death threats. people lost faith in fatgum and tamaki for their constant support for kirishima. their friends received the same when they stood up for him.

at a press conference a journalist asked deku todoroki and him how they felt about a gay pro hero while using demeaning and derogatory speech in terms of kirishima. and bakugou sat there not saying a word while todoroki ripped the journalist in half for speaking about kirishima in such a manner while deku spoke with security to have him removed.

and people saw this has bakugou agreeing with the journalist. rumors began to spread that bakugou did not agree or support kirishima. people collected evidence of how everyone in their class (even mineta at one point) had stood up for kirishima. everyone but bakugou.

but bakugou was afraid if he said anything he would slip up and accidentally reveal who he truly was. not after endeavor has spoken so many times to him about keeping his private life private.

this went on for months. he’s come to stop responding to his classmates because he didn’t want them asking him how he was. he kept contact with deku and todoroki only because of work but even then distanced himself from them. he was going through life feeling completely empty.

and then a villain attack occurred. fatgum’s agency was the closest and they were immediately called in. they were members from the league of villains though none of the main members. but they were still incredibly powerful. their quirks were perfect against kirishima and tamaki’s. they were quickly becoming overpowered.

there were random attacks throughout the city and every other hero was currently dealing with that. kirishima and tamaki were the only ones at the main fight. it was 2 against 7.

it was being televised everywhere. bakugou was at a scene currently finishing up with a few villains. but the screens all around them were playing the main fight. tamaki was injured but continued to fight. he was struggling to see around the blood in his eyes. and kirishima was struggling. he was beginning to get to his breaking point of unbreakable. his skin was cracking and splitting. he was against four of them while trying his best to back tamaki up.

bakugou went on auto pilot. he left deku and todoroki to deal with cleaning up the scene. they had captured all the villains they didn’t need him.

bakugou arrived at the main fight just in time to see kirishima fall. he was down on a knee struggling to get back up. tamaki was still going. they had managed to take two villains down but five still went strong.

a villain went in for the killing blow to kirishima and bakugou lost it. he placed himself in front of kirishima. he went on a rampage. he held nothing back. tamaki saw and pulled back to get kirishima out of range. he pulled him off to the side where they could catch their breath but close enough they could jump back in if needed.

but bakugou did not need help. he was fueled off the memory of kirishima injured and a villain going to kill him. he held them all off. their quirks perfectly fitted to go against tamaki and kirishima’s but they couldn’t hold against bakugou.

just as deku and todoroki showed up on scene bakugou was finished. the villains were unconscious on the ground or gravely injured. he did not stop to round them up and arrest them.

he ran straight to kirishima. he did not care that the whole country was watching. he did not care there were dozens of cameras pointed at them and news anchors documenting their entire moves.

bakugou flung himself at kirishima and kissed him. it was desperate. bakugou kissed him with all the pent of energy for the past half year. he gasped and cried into the kiss. clinging to kirishima with all his life.

kirishima kissed back just as desperate. whispering to bakugou between kisses that everything was alright. that he was fine. that they were okay.

“i love you” bakugou sobbed. his words being recorded for the entire nation. “i love you” and kirishima said it right back. and despite all the blood and grime and all the injuries he sustained kirishima couldn’t stop smiling. he had waited for bakugou to come back. he would have waited an eternity for bakugou.

they could not care about the consequences of what had occurred. they did not care in that moment that their reunion would be more discussed than the villain attack. they did not see todoroki and tamaki blocking baku and kiri from reporters who hounded the scene as soon as the villains were cleared away. they did not see mina and ochako try and distract journalists to get them away from the couple.

all they cared about was they were finally holding one another again.

#i hope this was angsy enough #i had to go with a happy ending bc it what they deserve #bakugou #bnha #kiribaku #kirishima #mha #bakugou x kirishima #kiribaku headcanons #anime #bakushima #bakugou headcanons #kirishima headcanons #bnha hcs #bnha headcanons #mha hcs #mha headcanons #poprocks #dynariot #my writing #hcs #headcanons #angst #angst with happy ending #tw homophobia

[stormblessed95]

Hello! This is the anon that asked about how you differentiate between shippers and supporters! Thank you so much for the response! It helped clear up a lot that I was stumbling over. I will definitely take tour advice and learn to just block the negativity and curate all of my platforms in the future. Also, I would like to say that your responses are so well-thought-out and worded that it is awe inspiring! I felt as if my question was kinda stupid or childish in a way, but you never made me feel that way once. So, thank you! Please keep up the great work and know that you make people's days when you post! FIGHTING :)!

Now that I have a bit more courage, I have another question (or questions! Oops!) that I forgot to put in my last ask to you!

How do you distinguish between what is fanservice and what is genuine interactions between two members (or even interactions that are exaggerated for the camera/fans in a way, but are still genuine)? Do you think casual skinship is confused for fanservice a lot of the time? Isn't it bad for fans to lower a part of someone else's relationship to being only for the cameras/fans and not for just the two interacting (yes, I can see it being exaggerated for the camera at times, but to lower a relationship that far seems kinda wrong to me? Maybe I am overreacting? I think I may be a tad bit confused?)?

I've been in the BTS fandom for a bit and I can tell that all of them are just interacting with each other and being themselves as much as they can. It brings me a lot of joy to see them all interact with each other and watch how different and special their relationships are! (Definitely has set my standards for relationships to be very high lol.)

However, I have been getting into other kpop fandoms and I see all the time ARMYs or even other fandoms comment on how two members from another group are obviously engaging in fanservice when all I see is two members just enjoying their interactions. It confused me greatly to see this great contrast in how people label what is fanservice and what is not fanservice.

I hope you don't mind my questions! I have a few more questions slowly forming in my head at the moment (takes a bit for my mind to figure out how to put it into words!).

Hi! Welcome back! Thank you so much for all your sweet words 🥺🥺 I'm glad you find my posts helpful and well written. I worry sometimes I ramble too much. Lol

I actually have quite a few posts over fanservice already. I'll link them here for you, and you can find even more posts similar to this in my masterlist under "Important Posts." I had a series over where I discussed fanservice in 4 posts. They are here:

I then also touch on another part of your question here briefly about how yes, demeaning any members bond to fansevice is, at this point, anti behavior, no matter who you are talking about

And this post over essentially just shipping culture in general and how things can get twisted around and how KM even can use that to their advantage at times

I *think* between all these posts that they answer all your questions and then some. Lol but if not, please come back and ask me to clarify! And you are always more then welcome to continue sending in asks whenever you think of a question! Thank you again for your kind words and I hope this helps you some!

[kinatalks]

Let’s talk about DiaLuci.

Look, this isn’t a judgement call. This is merely a flat out explanation and something that should be recognized. There will be a few S2-3 spoilers, but it’s mainly vague, not going into details.

Be aware: This covers sensitive topics regarding the ship, toxic behaviors, abusive relationships, and the angel event.

Firstly, if you support DiaLuci, good for you! I’m not here to shame someone for their ships. But this fandom has a habit of attacking others who aren’t so fond of this ship. Someone can like Diavolo, and not support Dialuci. You can support Lucifer, and not like Dialuci. Or hell, you could dislike either/or both characters and fucking love the ship! No matter which character or ship you like or dislike, you are completely valid.

But this is a post, about the issues with the ship that I personally see, and why it should be more outspoken.

Now lets get to the point of the subject, shall we?

I fairly like Diavolo. He’s charming, joyous, and someone who would be the star of a party. Someone cheerful and bright. However, the way that this fandom persecutes anyone who doesn’t like Diavolo or feels uncomfortable around him is not ok.

In my opinion, Diavolo has shown signs of immature and insensitive behavior. I.e. the way he treats others like toys. Yes, he cares about them, but often doesn’t consider their feelings in things he considers ‘mere pranks.’ This may be because Barbatos constantly assures him that the future will be fine, since Barbatos can manipulate and choose timelines.

He wants the best for the people around him, but doesn’t exactly take criticism or resistance to his advances kindly. “Well duh, he’s a ruler!” So? Yes, he’s a ruler, but that doesn’t mean he should be inconsiderate about others around him. The fact that he disregards others opinions unless it fits his agenda, is a sign of his childishness.

Which means, that over time, Diavolo doesn’t hold much regard to his actions, as Barbatos is always there to catch him. Now that doesn’t mean he constantly is reckless. When it comes to official Devildom matters, Diavolo is an apt ruler, who makes decisions for the Devildom’s best interests.

The problem is, no one has told Diavolo about his less than savory behavior. Because they fear him, and fear the punishments he could inflict upon them. So I can’t really say that he’s a completely bad character.

He wants Lucifer to be his equal, and acknowledge the fact that Diavolo sees him as an equal. Diavolo’s lonely, and it’s explicitly stated as so. He envies the closeness the brothers have. So, he goes about it in the only way he knows how. Which we’ll get to a bit later.

As for Lucifer, I can’t deny I’m quite fond of him. He does his best to overcome his pride for MC, and gradually (in S2-3), he becomes more open with his feelings. Yes, he’s a deeply flawed character, but he’s not a complete villain. The world simply isn’t as black and white as some would like it to be.

Yes, his relationship with some of his brothers is toxic. The way he treats Mammon at times is unacceptable, and possibly abusive in my opinion. The fact that he acts cold and distant to his brothers at times isn’t ok. But one thing I’ve seen others overlook, is that Lucifer is the Avatar of Pride. Does this excuse his actions? No. Does it explain some of his habits? Yes.

Don’t get me wrong, he still has a lot to work on. But he’s getting there, and actively trying to get better.

Now for the ship.

You do not need to like a ship, just because a character from that ship is constantly seen with the partner. Like I’ve said above, you can hate or love Diavolo or Lucifer, and dislike/like the ship.

As for the oath, I won’t delve too deep into this, as it would take essays upon essays worth of information. But we all know that, Diavolo had given Lucifer an ultimatum. Save Lilith, at the cost of Lucifer’s unquestionable loyalty.

Which as we’ve seen, Lucifer had agreed to the terms. And so, he is now Diavolo’s most trusted advisor, his right hand man.

Even though Diavolo says or implies that he sees Lucifer as an equal. He doesn’t always seem to show it. The power imbalance in between both characters is evident, throughout the plot of the story. If Lucifer denies Diavolo’s advances, Diavolo will continue. Why?

Well, you could argue that his behavior is due to him being royalty. Which is true, he’s royalty, and has never been told no. Barbatos has always been there, fixing his mess, so why would he need to worry?

Diavolo praises Lucifer, in a manner that is clearly uncomfortable to the latter. It’s evident that Lucifer despises being praised for his beauty, and just his looks. I’ve seen blogs see it as ‘just a joke’ or ‘being playful’. But time and time again, Lucifer has denied these advances, very obviously disliking the attention and focus on his looks.

But Diavolo continues, and in his defense, you could say, ‘because Lucifer doesn’t say that he’s uncomfortable!’. It’s very obvious that Lucifer isn’t an equal to Diavolo, no matter how much the latter insists he is. We’ve seen Diavolo brush off other’s discomfort at his actions, and we’ve seen him continue.

Diavolo is not evil. This is quite clear, even though he may be suspicious to some. However, his relationship tactics and methods of relationships have toxic, and quite possibly abusive effects.

For example. The angel event.

We all know, that the bangles controlled the 7 avatars, turning them all into angels. Their outfits, and minds, were taken over. The brothers, (excluding Satan.) had gone through traumatic events in these outfits, that’s for sure.

The celestial war, and losing Lilith, all were incredibly traumatizing events forever affecting their mindsets from that day forward. The bangles attempted to brain wash them, and we can see it when Satan states that he doesn’t feel like himself, that he felt calm.

But you might think, “But being calm is great! Isn’t that what he always wantd?’. Not quite.. All Satan had known before was wrath, and being calm completely took away an important part of him. Even though Satan had always resented his wrath, his sin, he had felt like a part of himself was miserable without it. He wasn’t himself, and felt as if he were being forced to be calm, something he loathes.

In all of the brothers, we can see that they are clearly distressed, and may come out of this situation traumatized. 

Lucifer is no exception. We saw how visibly upset he was, the fact that the snow-white wings on his back gave him a constant reminder of the war and Lilith, throughout the entire ordeal.

What was Diavolo doing this entire time? He was being provided entertainment, and reveled the sight before him. He enjoyed seeing the brothers in their angelic uniforms, where they had fought with tooth and nail for their sister, and who knows what else. He enjoyed the fact that the brothers were having angelic ideals forced inside their heads.

And when someone speaks up against him? He’s passive aggressive about it, until the person opposing him gives up, begs for forgiveness, or embarrasses themselves.

While criticism of any of the characters is deemed valid and peachy in this fandom. I haven’t seen any criticism of Diavolo that wasn’t met with backlash and intense hounding. Lucifer, Satan, Belphegor, have all been criticized, but has the majority really deemed those opinions as invalid? No. We can all see why those arguments are valid, and people have their own reasons.

Hell, we’ve all seen people Lucifer left and right. And you know what? They’re completely valid! Some people may have triggers/squicks in regards to his behavior, and it’s completely understandable.

But the moment someone criticized Diavolo, we see fighting and targeting. The person who speaks up gets pushed down and insulted, until they either give up, or agree. If you like Diavolo, good for you, you’re valid! If you don’t, you’re completely valid!

Now back to the ship. Apologies for getting off topic, but oftentimes, when Diavolo and Lucifer are mentioned separately, they’re roped together.

Abusive/toxic relationships aren’t always one where the abusive/toxic partner is an outright terrible person. Oftentimes, they come with charm, a dazzling smile, and friends that would fight tooth and nail for them.

Diavolo has Lucifer in an....uncomfortable position to say the least. In power dynamics, that is. Lucifer is constantly embarrassed publicly and privately by compliments, and Diavolo knows this. He’s demeaned by the oath, and as for work, Diavolo often adds to it, just for fun. I.e, leaving the Devildom to come to the human world, leaving his responsibilities behind.

“But he’s lonely!” Yes, and? He is lonely, yes, but there is a time and place for fun, and time and place for work. He is going to become a King, and if he puts all this responsibility and stress on Lucifer, it simply isn’t right.

They have their good moments, but that absolutely does not make up for the state of the relationship as a whole. Just because someone has their good moments, doesn’t mean you accept and forgive them. That’s like saying that someone who physically abuses their S/O, is a good partner because they occasionally make them dinner. It simply isn’t correct.

Majority of the time, Diavolo is fine with Lucifer being reduced to a pretty face and belittled. In public, which very clearly hurts Lucifer’s pride and reputation.

Many people can resonate with some of these behaviors, having seen them in their past.

So please. Tag your works as DiaLuci for others uncomfortable with it, stop attacking others who dislike the ship, and for fucks sake, enough with hating people who dislike a character and/or ship.

#obey me #obey me diavolo #obey me lucifer #obey me ship #obey me dialuci #dialuci #obey me ship discussion

[crystaljins]

Finding Christmas again

Characters: Taehyung x Reader

Word count: 21K

Synopsis:  After a lifetime’s worth of turbulent and miserable Christmases with your family, you finally make the executive decision to spend this year’s Christmas alone. 

However, when you take home a box of old Christmas decorations from your friend’s shop, it seems that this Christmas is set to be different from the others.  

ChristmasScarecrow!Tae x human!Reader

Notes: Here it is!!! My contibution to the @thebtswritersclub​ secret santa (and also their monthly holiday prompt, Holiday/festival)!!!  And my secret santa is.... *drum roll*....

Hi @pars-ley​​, Merry Christmas!!!!! I hope you enjoy your secret santa!! 

Anyway, I know the premise sounds weird but bear with me!!!! It’s kinda cute, I promise!!

Rating: PG13

Genre: Fluff, angst

Warnings: Mentions of divorce, fighting, alcoholism, depression, mean step-siblings (OC’s family). Mentions of house break-ins, some kissing and some ANGST, santa is real, really poorly explained world mechanics that are kind of glossed over because I’m lazy LOL

For you, the start of the Christmas season is always marked by Seokjin unboxing the stock for his December-long Christmas sales. Any stock from the previous year that didn’t get sold gets lined up along the shelves along with a few new trinkets here and there. He pulls out a series of dusty cardboard boxes, soft and collapsing from age and within are numerous fraying, gaudy Christmas decorations he likes to string around the shop to give off a bit of a “festive” atmosphere. Of course, an overstocked, tacky dollar store can only be so “festive” but Seokjin never seems deterred. 

This year, however, marks a change. You sit amidst towering, overflowing shelves whileJin beams at you over the counter of his tacky dollar store and slides the first of the decrepit and infamous cardboard boxes towards you. 

“If you’re being stubborn and insisting on spending Christmas alone this year, at least put up some decorations.” He insists. Hesitantly, you peer inside- the tinsel has lost some of its magnificent sparkly mane, but it’s still passable and there’s a few tangled lights that you know from experience may have a bulb or two blown but are still somewhat useable. 

“I guess I could,” you reluctantly agree. Your small apartment could definitely do with a little apartment sprucing. “You’re not going to decorate this year?” You question. Jin shakes his head and beams, gesturing to a series of brand new cardboard boxes, freshly shipped. They’re crisp and upright in a way that makes the old boxes look even more soggy and pathetic.

“I’ve done a little bit of online shopping this year and thought it would be nice to freshen up my decorations. And I know you could use some decorations so I knew my babies would be going to a good home.” He announces, positively giddy with delight. Christmas always leaves Jin on the edge of manic. Starting the month off with his birthday and then finishing it off with the entire world decked out in festivities is like giving him a month-long sugar rush. Nothing says festive season like the terrifying sparkle to his gaze.

“Well... thank you, I guess.” You say. You’re hesitant but grateful. You’re not the kind of person who hates Christmas or thinks the grinch was a victim, but it’s always been a season that didn’t ring as joyful for you as it seemed to for everyone else. After all, for you, Christmas had consisted of you hiding upstairs while your parents had screaming matches while they were still together, and then it had been a mix of being picked on by your step-siblings the years you were stuck with your father, and nursing your mother after she’d get drunk over eggnog and cry over her broken family when you spent it with your mother. Perhaps this is your chance to reclaim the season. “I can load these up in my car and then we can get started hanging up your new decorations?” You suggest, as Jin finishes balancing the till. 

Jin nods absently, counting under his breath, before leaning against the counter with a smile. 

“That would be absolutely fantastic. Your santa hat is in my office- don’t forget it!” He reminds you. You groan. 

“Do we have to do this every year? It’s demeaning.” You complain. Jin nods and then ignores your grimacing, returning to counting the day’s takings. 

With a heavy sigh, you take your time loading the boxes into your car, parked out the back of the shop, before ducking into his office. Sure enough, two embroidered Santa’s hats sit haphazardly on Jin’s desk. You tug one over your head and grab the other for him. 

You’re not sure when this tradition of helping Seokjin set up his shop for Christmas began. If you’re being honest, you’re not even sure when you started being friends with him, but this has been a yearly tradition since he started the shop, and the closest you’ve ever gotten to Christmas cheer. Your job is to string out the decorations in the least gaudy manner possible while Jin arranges his Christmas stock on his already overflowing shelves.

Back in the shop, Jin has just finished locking up when you come down the stairs at the back. He turns to you and beams, before gesturing to the boxes filled with new decorations. 

“Time to put that interior decorator eye to good use, (Y/N)!” He cries, clapping his hands enthusiastically together. You wince- it would take a lot more than some Christmas lights to fix the mess that is Seokjin’s shop. Even a professional interior decorator couldn’t fix this chaotic mess. His shop is ten years past a clearance sale.

Still, you walk over and begin to open up the boxes, sorting through the decorations until you come across an older box. You thought you’d loaded them all, but it looks like you’ve missed one. 

“What’s this box, Jin?” You ask, peeling back the lid to find a series of old, musty decorations. Jin pauses in his detangling of some dangling star lights to look over your shoulder. 

“Those are the decorations I put up for sale every year that never seem to go. Even the words “clearance” isn’t enough for people to want them.” He sighs, and he’s surprisingly melancholy as he looks upon the unwanted decorations. You’ve never had much to do with the things he chooses to sell- frankly you’re a little afraid with the things you may find should you venture into the labyrinth of his dollar store. Curious, you peel back the cardboard flap and peer inside at the myriad of unwanted decorations. 

Oddly, it makes your heart twinge a little, to see the stock that has been stuck gatherinf dust for eleven months. As dramatic as it sounds, you know a thing or two about being unwanted. 

Not that your parents ever implied you were unwanted! It’s just hard not to feel that way when you’re born to a couple who want nothing to do with each other. The constant back and forth between your two feuding parents had constantly made you feel more like a “pass-the-parcel” package than a human being.

And when your dad had remarried, he’d always insisted that you were welcome, but it’s not difficult to see how happy he is in his new family. How his stepchildren’s achievements made him smile or how he’d finally achieved the noisy, warm household he’d always dreamed of. The household he never had with you. And now even your mother is trying new things- she’d asked you to come with her to meet the family of her new boyfriend, but you couldn’t bring yourself to suffer through the awkwardness. 

That’s why you’d chosen to spend this Christmas alone- because you can’t seem to shake the feeling that you’re an afterthought when it comes to a holiday that involves spending time with your family. You exist, and you share their blood, but they have plans with people they actually chose to be in their lives. You’re welcome along, but not really wanted. 

Jin watches the expression on your face with mild interest. 

“Do you... want any of them?” He questions tentatively. “They’re a bit gaudy, but you could give them a home?”

You grimace at the ugly decorations- it’s not hard to see why no one wanted them. Tacky, corny baubles and cheap little mantle ornaments that a even a seventy year old grandmother would turn her nose up at.

But despite your general distaste, a tuft of red wool at the corner of the box catches your attention. You reach forward and tug it free.

A Christmas-themed scarecrow toy smiles back at you. Tufts of red, woollen hair peak out beneath his little santa’s hat, and two sewed on black buttons make up his eyes. His mouth is a simple stitched black line, a little upwards curve, and a little paint on upside down triangle makes his nose. He’s dress in a flannel shirt and overalls, but the overalls have a little christmas tree embroidered on the front and his flannel shirt has fluffy cuffs like the ends of a santa shirt. He’s sort of charming, if a little strange- why a christmas scarecrow? What an oddly specific decoration. 

“I can kind of see why no one would want these.” You snort, though you don’t put him back. Jin nods sympathetically. 

“This little guy has been with me for years. All the other decorations I bought with him eventually got sold but this guy is still unwanted.” He admits, taking the scarecrow from your hands to examine it fondly. “I even tried giving him away for free once but they didn’t want him.”

You bite your lip at that. The two button eyes stare up at you longingly, and for some reason you feel a sense of camaraderie with this stupid, gaudy christmas scarecrow. 

If you’re taking a bunch of decorations, why not this guy? He clashes with every instinct you have in terms of decoration, but the thought of him sitting on a shelf, unwanted for a month only to go back in this dusty old box at the end of the year is too depressing for you to handle. With a sigh, you take him back from Jin. 

“Might as well, since you dumped all your other old decorations on me.” You sigh.

And you miss the way Jin winks at the little scarecrow when you’re facing away from it. 

++

You actually forget about the decorations for the next few days. They sit in your car, unpacked. You’re busy with work as they rush to wrap up the end of year projects before their deadlines. And it’s not like putting up decorations has a deadline, right? You put them up some time before Christmas and hopefully remember to take them down before February hits. 

It’s when Autumn finally draws to a close and the first of December hits that you’re finally motivated to put them up. You’re in a deep clean kind of mood and when you duck out to your car to chuck out the various wrappers and old papers you’ve built up over autumn, you recall the boxes in your boot. 

The little Christmas Scarecrow is the first thing you pull out once the boxes are unloaded into your home. The little button eyes gaze up at you mournfully, as if scolding you for leaving him unattended in your car for so long. 

“Sorry little guy.” You sigh, straightening and setting him atop your mantle. He looks a little out of place with your decor but it feels right to place him there for some reason. This way he’s in full view of any guests that walk in. “Here. This can be your spot. Front and centre.” You tell him, and from this spot his button eyes look a little less mournful. With a smile, you begin puzzling out how to assemble Jin’s ratty old Christmas tree. 

You’re in the middle of a youtube tutorial on how to make your tree appear fuller when your phone lights up with your mother’s contact image. 

It takes you a few moments to steal yourself to answer her.

You aren’t on bad terms with your mother or anything. It’s just... for a few years after the divorce, when you probably needed her most, she just wasn’t your mother. And she’s done really well and gotten a lot of help and she’s in a really good place right now, but it’s still hard. It’s hard to talk to either of your parents, really. 

“Hey mum.” You finally say as you answer the phone. You can guess what she’s going to ask- every since she found out you wouldn’t be going home for Christmas, she’s been doing her best to convince you otherwise. 

“I was just at the store this morning,” she greets you. “And I saw all the ingredients for that christmas cake we used to make when you were small. Do you remember? And we always made it snowman-shaped and you’d cry when we’d eat it.”

You smile at the memory- it’s one of the very few fond ones you have on Christmas. When you were a very young child, before whatever your parents had between them went sour. Before life transitioned into hiding upstairs and trying to block out the sounds of shouting and being bounced back and forth between opposite sides of the country because your mother and father couldn’t even handle being in the same city together. 

“I do remember.” You say.

“We could make it!” Your mother urges. “Just think- wouldn’t it be so fun? John has a daughter your age, and she loves to bake! She’s so eager to meet you too- we could-“

“Maybe next year, mum.” You say. “I’m just absolutely slammed at work this year. Besides, I’ll be down for your birthday soon. I’d just rather spend Christmas at home, this year.”

Your mother is silent for a moment. You know she didn’t miss the implications of your statement. When you had first moved out for studying, returning to your parent’s place had been “going home”. Even you’re not sure when avoiding your family for the holidays had morphed into “staying home.”

“I... I’m sorry. I know I keep bringing it up, but I heard from your father that you weren’t going to spend it with him either and I... I don’t like the thought of you alone for Christmas.” She finally says. “I know I’ve failed you in a lot of ways, but I don’t want this to be one of them. John’s wonderful and his family would love to have you. We could make room for you.”

You go quiet for a moment. Your mum is trying her very best. You know that- you know that so well and yet you can’t. You just can’t do it. You don’t have it in you to brave through Christmas with either of your parents and play happy families and pretend that the years of misery didn’t happen. You don’t want a Christmas where people are “making room” for you. You want to have a place that is just inherently yours.

“Next year.” You promise. Next year you’ll have steeled yourself. Next year you’ll have it together. Next year you can try again. Next year you’ll be a little stronger and more resilient and then you can face the mess of your broken family.

Your mother sighs on the other end, in a sad, disappointed sort of way. 

“Next year.” She finally says, and there’s a promise in her words. Next year she’ll be better too. She’ll keep trying. 

You stay on the phone a little longer, and when you hang up you just spend a moment in your empty apartment. Boxes are sitting, strewn around you and currently the only decoration is your little Christmas Scarecrow. 

Oddly, he almost looks judgemental as he peers at you through the buttons. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” You sigh, getting to your feet and beginning the process of organising the Christmas decorations. “It’s complicated. You don’t know my mum and I know she loves me and I know she’s trying... but it’s... it’s just complicated, ok?”

You continue to ramble as you finish up your decorations. It’s quite therapeutic, talking to an inanimate object. It almost feels like he’s listening- there’s something warm in the little stitched mouth and button eyes. You and your scarecrow, both unwanted on Christmas day. You tell him about your parent’s divorce, about your past Christmases. About Jin and your friendship with him. About your decision to be alone for Christmas this year because neither of your parent’s offers seemed particularly appealing. 

By the time you’ve finish, your apartment actually looks decent. The Christmas tree sits in the corner, decorated with baubles covered in chipped paint and balding tinsel. There’s lights strung across the ceiling and across your mantle and maybe there’s one or two missing spots, and maybe it’s just a little tacky, but it’s warm. It’s home. You’ve carved out a little home for yourself in this apartment, and maybe it’s not perfect, but you like it. 

When you fall asleep on the couch, exhausted, you dream of ringing sleigh bells and cheerful Christmas tunes. 

++

You awaken suddenly. Your heart is in your throat. 

There’s someone in your apartment. You can hear them rummaging around in the kitchen. You don’t know how they got there, but terror fills you. 

The first thing you do is discreetly reach for your phone. You want to call the emergency number but you don’t want the intruder to know you’re awake in case they retaliate. Instead, you shoot a text to Jin. 

There’s someone in my house. You text. The response is almost immediate. 

I’m on my way. He responds. You resist the urge to groan. You’d told him so that he could call the police, not so that he could play hero. 

You roll off the couch and sneak closely to the wall. A metal bat rests there- a housewarming gift from Namjoon when he first learnt you’d be living alone. You never thought you’d have to use it. You never forget to lock your doors and surely no one has the guts to scale a building and come in through your balcony, right?

Still, you’re grateful for it now as you grip the handle tightly between both fists. 

Hesitantly and quietly, you inch towards the kitchen. The light is on and you can make out a figure bustling inside. 

With a cry, you rush forward, swing the back in a downwards arc. 

Only for your terrified intruder to whip around and catch the bat with the palms of his hands. Ignoring the fact that he just caught the full swing of a metal bat without flinching, you try and pull your bat back to tru for another swing. 

But he merely tightens his grip on the bat and this gives you time to take in his appearance. 

There’s a lot of striking things about the man’s appearance. Bright, brilliantly red hair, the colour of Christmas ribbons and raspberries, a straight, prominent nose. A sharp, well-defined jawline and two warm, dark eyes, almost familiar in their dark shade. 

It’s hard to know what to take in first. His startlingly handsome face, his brightly coloured hair, or his outlandish outfit. You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone look cute in tacky, Christmas themed overalls or a flannel shirt that’s an odd mix of a Santa’s hat and a farmer’s uniform. Complete with the Santa’s hat and the bright red hair, the man could almost be twins with your Christmas Scarecrow. 

“Who are you?” You demand. You attempt another futile tug on your bat, but the man’s grip is firm. 

“Don’t panic, (Y/N)!” He urges. His voice is deep and velvety but edged with a little terror. Your eyes widen. 

“How do you know my name?” You demand. If you weren’t afraid before, you are now. 

“Seokjin said it! In the store, a few days ago!” He cries, still pressing firmly against your metal bat. Despite you pressing your whole weight into it, it doesn’t budge a centimetre closer towards him. 

“So you’re a stalker?” You cry. 

“No!” He counters. “It’s me, (Y/N)! The scarecrow!”

That startles you enough to relax your grip on the metal bat. He senses the lapse in your grip and tugs the metal bat free. He holds it away from you and approaches you slowly, cautiously. 

“I was just making you some hot chocolate.” He says slowly. “You seemed sad after your phone call with your mum and I wanted to comfort you.”

He’s crazy- a crazy guy has broken into your house and has been listening to your conversations for who knows how long, and has been stalking you before that. 

“How long have you been stalking me for, you psycho?” You demand. His eyes widen in horror. 

“I’m not a stalker!” He insists. “I’m your scarecrow- turn around and I can prove it!” 

“What? So that you can stab me while my back is turned?” You demand. You make a grab for the bat. “Get out of my house!”

He manages to throw the bat backwards and grab both your shoulders as you lunge for him. With impressive strength he presses on your shoulders and spins you around. In the same motion, he shoves you forward a few steps and you stumble to re-gain your balance. 

Enraged and terrified, you whip around, ready to retaliate.

Only, he’s gone. Where a weird red-haired man previously stood, your kitchen is now empty. 

The counters are scattered with objects- your milk is out, and an open tin of cocoa, a few of your spice jars are laid neatly next to the pile of pots. 

And, sitting neatly where the man had been not a moment before, is your little Christmas Scarecrow. He smiles up at you, button eyes gleaming like he knows something you don’t. 

You can’t help it- you crumble before it. The post-adrenaline crash hits hard and you stare dumbly at the embroidered smile for a moment. 

“It’s a dream.” You finally conclude to yourself. “This is some messed-up nightmare and tomorrrow this haunted scarecrow can go right back to Jin’s store.” 

You grab it and hold it at a distance, your arms outstretched like it smells bad. 

“This is fine.” You assert. “It’s a dream. Just. Just go back here. And I’ll go... run into a wall or something. And this will all be some sort of fever dream.”

You settle the Christmas Scarecrow back into its rightful spot on your mantle, before turning around. You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself to run full speed at the wall just opposite. 

“‘Haunted’ is a little much, don’t you think?” The same velvety voice from earlier asks, and you turn to find the very same intruder leaping off your mantle onto the ground. “I’m not a ghost, or anything.”

He comes to stand in front of you, arms folded and lips pulled into a frown. Looking upon him now, you see the similarities to the Christmas Scarecrow- even the loose thread in the embroidered tree of his overall pockets is identical. It... it really is your Christmas Scarecrow, standing before you in human form. 

You nod to yourself, a peaceful wave of acceptance washing over you and- 

No wait, never mind. That wave is nausea- you’re blacking out.

++

When you come to, you’re arranged neatly on your couch with your scarecrow hovering over you. You almost want to faint again, but you hold strong. 

“You’re awake!” He cheers, waving a damp towel around. He’s been dipping it in a bowl of cool water and pressing it against your forehead and you flinch as his actions send icy drops over water scattering across your face. 

“And you used to be a scarecrow.” You grumble, sitting up. You squint and lean in closely, taking in every detail. Each mark on his skin, each strand of bright red hair, the smooth curve of his smile... it’s so human. Probably the most ethereal and beautiful human to walk the planet, but still human. One of his eyelids is a monolid and the other is a double lid and one of his front teeth is just slightly longer than the other and yet the effect is that he’s just so charming. Far too beautiful to be sitting in your tacky, poorly decorated apartment and far too beautiful to be spending most of his time as a cringe-y christmas-themed scarecrow that Jin probably fished out of the bottom of a clearance basket at a thrift shop and thought he could get away with re-selling. “You have maybe thirty seconds to explain before I call the police. Or an exorcist. Or both.”

He holds up his both his hands in surrender.

“Wait. Please.” He pleads. The desperate way he says the words makes you pause. Honestly, the sane thing to do would be to kick him out. Leave the weird, haunted scarecrow out on the street to fend for himself and go about your days as if this particular little supernatural incident never occurred. 

You sigh. 

“Just... please tell me what’s going on.” You finally say. “I won’t do anything drastic, but at least explain.”

Relied and gratefulness shines in his eyes and he clasps your hands gratefully between his own. Your attention is momentarily caught by the way his large hands dwarf your own. The bony prominences of his knuckles catch your attention- they shift and glide beneath his skin as his grip around your hand tightens. For some reason, the tiny action seems huge. You lift your gaze slowly to meet his eyes, which are round and warm. 

“My name is Taehyung.” He explains. “And I’m a Christmas Spirit.”

“Christmas Spirit?” You echo in bewilderment. Taehyung nods eagerly and sits forward. He pulls his legs together so that he can sit cross-legged and wraps his hands around his ankles. 

“Yup!” He says, and he���s surprisingly nonchalant despite the supernatural implications of his statement. “We’re beings that come about from the magic of the season. And our job is to spread Christmas cheer to whoever welcomes us into their home.”

As if that’s just a normal thing that someone can spring on you and not expect you to panic! Yet he announces it like he’s a five year old excited to explain the drawing he made of you in school that day. All you can really manage is to nod mutely for a moment. Despite the absurdity of his words, it certainly sounds like what you had done- taken a tacky, unwanted Christmas decoration and welcomed it into your home. 

“And that’s you, (Y/N).” He says warmly, and the way he says your name is so fond. Like you’re his oldest, most valued friend. It startles you- you don’t think you’ve ever had the syllables of your name pronounced with such care, like they are a precious gift. “You are the first human to ever welcome me into your home. All my friends eventually found people to take them, and I’m the last one to remain. I’ve never gotten to fulfil my duty, not even once.”

“Why not?” You croak out. Why was there a random little christmas ornament in Seokjin’s store that held this kind of power? Why did it end up with you? Who was this mysterious man in your house, gazing at you like you’re the best thing to ever happen to him?

“Well, it’s probably not hard to tell.” He admits, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck and then adjusting the santa’s hat atop his head. “Not many people want a Christmas-themed Scarecrow for a decoration. At least not around here.” He sighs. But then he turns to you and his gaze is bright. It’s a little blinding, his mega-watt smile, and it’s certainly overwhelming to have the full force of it directed at you. “But you gave me a chance! You took me home!”

“So... you spread Christmas cheer for me? What does that even mean? What happens when you finish?” You say, leaning back just a little to give yourself room to breath. His scent fills your nostrils and it’s overwhelming. A pleasant mix of christmas scents- gingerbread, cinammon, peppermint. It sits thick in the back of your throat like the pleasant burn of a hot, sweet drink. 

He looks surprised at the line of questioning and a frown replaces the warm, glowing look he’d borne just moments earlier. 

“Well, I’m not sure. I suppose when I finish then you put me away for a year or you pass me on to someone else.” He admits. “This is my first time, so I’m still learning the ropes.” He’s a little sheepish as he admits it. But then his gaze lights up again and he pulls himself up onto the couch so that he can sit shoulder-to-shoulder with you. “But spreading Christmas cheer is just helping you enjoy the season! You haven’t had a great experience with Christmas, right? I can help!”

You stiffen as you recall earlier that day; you had essentially aired all your dirty laundry to what you’d thought was an inanimate object. Taehyung now knew more about you than even some of your closest friends did. You’d unintentionally opened up and made yourself vulnerable to some guy you hardly knew. The thought has you recoiling. You’re not against the idea of opening up- certainly when people ask the right questions, you’ll answer honestly. But people rarely ask and you’ve never volunteered. No one has has access to every dirty detail like Taehyung now does. 

And for some reason that thought has you terrified.

“I’m... I don’t mean to burst your bubble, Taehyung.” You volunteer quietly. Taehyung stiffens at the tone of your voice. “You seem like a nice enough guy. Or spirit. Or scarecrow. Whatever you are. And I hope that one day you’ll find someone you can give lots of Christmas cheer to. But I didn’t sign up for this. I don’t want any of it- the “Christmas cheer” or the festivities, or anything. I’m just...” you inhale deeply. “I’m just trying to make the most of what I have.” 

You get to your feet, your back facing him. 

“You can stay the night, but I’ll take you back to Jin in the morning. I’ll see if I can convince any of my friends to take you, if you like.”

A slight tug on the sleeve of your jumper stops you from leaving. You glance down at your wrist. Taehyung has just the tip of your sleeve, pinched between his fingers. It’s not enough pressure to stop you from leaving. The slightest tug would liberate you from his grasp and you’d be free to go back to your room. 

“No one else will.” He admits quietly. There’s a sort of heart-aching tone to his voice that makes that tiny grip feel like he’s handcuffed to you. “I waited for five years in that store. I’d sit in a box for eleven months of the year, and hope that this year would be the one someone chose me and every day of December that passed I’d watch people walk right past me. And before that, I was passed around from store to store. People would keep me in the store until they realised I’d never sell and then they’d palm me off to someone else. They didn’t even have the guts to get rid of me. And I’d watch as the objects around me got chosen. They got sent to good homes. But never me. I have waited twenty five christmases for someone to let me in. You’re the first.” He quietly admits. He hasn’t changed or adjusted his grip on your sleeve. Just that tenuous, fragile grip, that little bit of hope that can be snapped at any moment keeps you in place. “Please.” He breathes. 

You stare at his fingers, at the tacky cuffs of his sleeve, at his hopeful, pleading expression. 

You don’t have to do this. He’s asking you, but he won’t force you. You can say no and have the bleary, lonely Christmas you’d originally planned. You can keep pushing everyone away and forever allow Christmastime to be a holiday of heartbreak for you. 

Or you could let this random Christmas Scarecrow and his sparkly, bright eyes into your home.

“Ok.” You finally say. “My work hasn’t shut down yet so I’m gonna be super busy for the next few weeks. But in between you can give it a go.”

The answering smile he gives you in turn has your heart fluttering in anticipation. 

Maybe Christmas won’t be so bad this year.

++

Although you had had every intention of welcoming Taehyung into your home and applying yourself to the festivities as best you could, your workplace dials everything up to eleven over the next few days, just as predicted. Taehyung, to his credit, doesn’t whine or complain. He spends most of the day while you are at work in his scarecrow-form or binging netflix on your account and he spends his evenings stretched on the couch, or beaming at you over dinner. It’s kind of like having a loyal golden retriever to come home to, but maybe with better manners.

It’s actually kind of pleasant. You occasionally catch him humming Christmas tunes and he keeps leaving his Santa hat in strange places but otherwise he’s a rather nonintrusive roommate. He even makes you dinner on occasion and he’s not a terrible cook.

 It’s only as the weekend approaches and you’re contemplating how to spend it that it occurs to you that Taehyung hasn’t left the house once. It’s not like he can just wonder down the street in his scarecrow outfit- it’s not exactly designed to withstand subzero temperature. And you’ve been so slammed at work that it never occurred to you that you’d essentially let the poor guy stay with you and then left him to the equivalent of house arrest.

“Do you do much during the week?” You ask Taehyung across dinner that night. You had quickly learned that he does need to eat and shower and sleep like every human but he can stave it off by staying in his scarecrow form, and so dinner time had just become a shared meal most evenings. He had even waited in his scarecrow form for you to get back on the days you had finished late that week. He pauses through a mouthful of pasta and looks up, cheeks bulging. 

“Not much.” He confesses, after a noisy swallow. “I don’t really have anywhere to go.” He reminds you. 

Guilt churns in your stomach and sours your dinner. You had promised him you’d give him a chance, and yet here you were a week later, making him fend for himself in an unfamiliar and empty apartment with nothing to do but watch netflix and raid your pathetic excuse of a pantry.

“Right.” You sigh, thoroughly chastened. “I... forgot. I’m sorry- work just hit me really hard.”

“It’s fine.” Taehyung dismisses. “It’s my job to entertain you, not the other way round!”

You stir awkwardly at your food, still unable to dispel the guilt.

“Even so... we could go somewhere tomorrow, if you want? I have the weekend off.” You offer as nonchalantly as you can. “If you’re here for the rest of the month, you’ll need clothes. And proper bedding. We can pick that stuff up and then do some other things.” 

He positively beams at your offer and it’s jarring. You aren’t used to such joy at such simple things. It’s so easy to win a smile from him, but rather than make his smiles seem meaningless, it just seems to make them brighter. You’re not used to earning such easy affection for so little and it leaves you unsure what to do with yourself.

“Really?” He questions eagerly. “The whole day?”

You duck your head slightly to disguise your fluster. You’re not even sure why your heart seems to race at his smile. Perhaps because you’ve never seen such a beautiful person smile quite like that. 

“The whole day.” You reassure him. “I can make up for this week- I really didn’t mean to ignore you like this.”

Taehyung shakes his head. 

“Don’t be silly!” He scolds you. “You told me that work would be busy. It just means we have to make your weekend even more enjoyable to make up for a missed week.”

He gets abruptly to his feet, wiping pasta sauce from the corner of his mouth. 

“Oh, I have so much to plan! Can I borrow your laptop? I have to plan our day!” He asks. A little startled, you merely nod at him in bewilderment and he grins determinedly to himself. “Ok! My first day on the job. Here I go.”

He storms off and then performs a quick u-turn. 

“After I clean up my dishes.” He recalls sheepishly. 

The next morning you shuffle into your kitchen a bit bleary-eyed and still in your pyjamas. Taehyung never seems to be tired or grumpy no matter what time of day it is, and so it’s not surprise that he’s up and humming to himself as he cooks breakfast for the two of you. 

He hears you shuffle in the kitchen and glances over his shoulder to smile at you and it catches you off-guard for some reason. You’ve gotten used to him cooking meals, to his singing, even to just his general presence, but you can’t seem to get used to the way he seems to just smile so easily. Something about the way the wintery sun streams in through the windows and catches the tips of his hair and gilding the sharp edges of his handsome face is just ethereal. You can believe he’s not a human in that moment- he’s too gorgeous to be one.

“You’re up!” He cheers. You shake your head to try and rid yourself of your strange thoughts and shuffle forward to scrutinise the breakfast he’s preparing. 

“I’m making a Christmas classic.” He informs you when he notices you attempting to peer over his shoulders. “At least, according to her.” He gestures to your ipad on the counter, where he has one of those food blogs run by stay-at-home mums that write essays on their blogs instead of the actual recipes. This one seems to have a picture of tacky santas made from pancakes and whipped cream. 

Looking at Taehyung’s progress so far, it actually looks fairly similar to the picture, but that’s not saying that much considering the quality of the picture. 

“Isn’t that like cannabalism for you? Isn’t eating Santa basically eating your coworker?” You point out. Taehyung laughs, a full-bodied laugh that makes his eyes curl up into little crescent moons. 

“He’s actually my boss more than my coworker. But he loves Santa-themed decorations. He says it makes him feel jolly.” He tells you. 

There’s a lot to unpack there and so you choose to ignore it by occupying yourself with the cleanup. 

“So I was thinking that we can get some clothes for you today and maybe some other necessities if you’re going to be staying here all month.” You inform him. Taehyung nods distractedly, gently nudging one of the santa pancakes onto a plate. He reaches for a bowl of blueberries, arranging them into eyes and then spraying whipped cream in the shape of a beard. It kind of seems like he’s not very interested in your schedule for the day.

“Tadaa!” He exclaims, showing off his creation. He then reaches for a blueberry and pops it in his mouth. “They’re not bad for frozen fruits.” 

“Looks great.” You praise him. “But the plan for today-“

“(Y/N).” Taehyung cuts you off. He looks a little stern, but there’s still a warmth to his expression that softens the harsh edges. “I told you I’d plan today. It’s my job to make your Christmas season enjoyable. I’m not here for you to babysit- got it?”

Chastened and surprised, you nod meekly. He grins. 

“Good. Now open up.” He says, brandishing a blueberry menacingly between his fingertips at you. Your eyes widen.

“But Tae-“ you protest, and he’s shoved the blueberry into your mouth before you can finish your counterargument. This time, when he smiles, it’s a little smug.

“No “buts”.” He sighs. “Just sit down and enjoy breakfast and trust me. We can pick up some

clothes since the Christmas overalls are a bit weird, but after that, then I take over. Ok?” He demands, and you chew through the blueberry, a little disconcerted.

“Ok.” You finally agree reluctantly. 

Breakfast is a peaceful affair, with the two of you enjoying the pancakes. Cleaning up with Taehyung is almost domestic- there’s something pleasant about having him stand shoulder to shoulder with you, drying the dishes as you wash them. 

Outside is a frigid affair- it hasn’t quite hit the point where it’s snowing outside, but temperatures are definitely creeping lower and lower and Taehyung nearly glows blue in the short sprint to your car. You fix it by blasting the heater the second the two of you are safely secured in the vehicle. 

“So, if you’re planning the agenda for today, what are we doing after we grab you some clothes?” You ask conversationally. Taehyung pauses from where he’s flicking through your phone, scrutinising your spotify playlist like he���s studying it for an exam. He looks up, his eyebrows still furrowed in concentration. 

“Well, I called in a favour from an old friend and booked us a free Christmas bauble painting workshop.” He announces, looking pleased with him. You squint at him and grimace just a little. 

“I don’t know if you know this, Taehyung, but I am terrible at drawing. I’m so bad that in highschool all these kids signed a petition to ban me from it.” You say, completely serious. He stares at you, bewildered for a moment. 

“Surely it can’t be that bad?” He wonders aloud. You just shake your head grimly at him.

One shopping trip later, Taehyung discovers that it is, in fact, that bad. 

“What did Rudolph ever do to deserve this?” He questions in abject horror. You feel your cheeks heat as you curl your hands protectively over your glass bauble. 

“It’s not that bad!” You insist. And then you hesitate. “Is it?”

Taehyung pries your fingers back to expose your masterpiece- splotchy brown paint, sparkles, and a lovely dollop of red paint in the centre. 

“(Y/N).” He says seriously. “It looks like someone walks into Santa’s stable, massacred all the reindeer and then scattered glitter over the scene of the crime.”

You squint at your painting, and, depressingly enough, his description is more accurate than what it’s meant to be. It was meant to be Rudolph, smiling happily through the glass of the bauble. 

“Forget it.” You snap, setting the glass bauble down and moving to get up. “This is stupid, anyway- we still have to pick up a mattress protector for your bed.”

“Wait!” He laughs, grabbing at your sleeve before you can make a hasty retreat. A firm tug from his has you landing back in your seat, face to face with the awful paint spill you call a painting. “I’m sorry! Just relax, ok? This is supposed to be fun.”

“I’m not having fun.” You sniff. “I told you I wasn’t good at painting and now you’re laughing at me.”

Taehyung winces. 

“Well... it’s not totally unsalvageable.” He finally compromises. He picks up the bauble, examining it for a moment. And then he picks up the paintbrush, and with quick, precise strokes of his paintbrush, he morphs the brown splotch formally known as Rudolph into a sort of sleigh-shape, and the red-splotch is rounded into the curve of Santa’s belly. “There.” He says, satisfied. You blink in wonder at the new creation. It’s still a little ugly and a little streaky, but it definitely doesn’t look like someone went on a Christmas-killing spree. “How’s that? Now you just have to decorate the sleigh an add sparkles. Surely you can’t mess that up.”

“You underestimate me.” You deadpan at him, and to your surprise, he snorts with laughter. A couple of the other people painting baubles glare at you, and Taehyung merely offers them a merry grin. 

“There used to be an elf like you at Santa’s workshop. No matter what he did, he’s somehow always mess up painting the toys.” Taehyung recalls, shaking his head fondly. “The two of you would get along.”

It’s the second time he’s mentioned it, and this time you can’t keep your curiosity at bay. 

“So... does that mean you’ve met with Santa? The Northpole and all that is a thing?” You ask. Taehyung nods. 

“It sure is! It’s where all Christmas Spirits grow up. We get raised there and taught about the best ways to spread Christmas cheer and then we get sent out to spread the cheer.” He sighs warmly. “I was top of my class.”

You grimace as you picture it. Dozens of Christmas Scarecrows, sitting at tables, studying books on how to paint the perfect Christmas bauble. 

“And so you just... get kicked out after a certain age? They raise you and send you out to sit on a shelf for eleven months of the year and then follow silly Christmas traditions for the last one?” You question him, and for a moment you’re horrified by the loneliness of such an existence. “Wouldn’t you... just get sick of Christmas? Spending your life only ever being in Christmas mode?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Taeyung reminds you as he sprinkles glitter over his painting of a snowman. He doesn’t seem particularly bothered by the idea, but you feel like he’s slapped you. “This is my first official Christmas on the job, remember? I haven’t had a chance to get sick of it yet.”

That makes you go silent. 

Taehyung seems to pick up on the way the mood has shifted. He stops detailing the buttons of his snowman painting and glances at you. Your eyes are wide and slightly misty.

He’s never felt particularly sorry for himself. Sure, the many years he’s spent gathering dust on a shelf have been lonely. He missed his friends, and all he could ever dream of was getting to sit on a mantle as he watched a family enjoy Christmas. That would be the closest he’d ever get, and that’s been his dream for so long. 

But for some reason, with you looking at him like that, the ache that he’s sought so hard to push down resurfaces. It’s like a damn breaking; it’s soothing. To have someone look at him and actually be acknowledging how hard and lonely and painful what he went through was. 

“I’m ok now.” He reassures you, though his voice is a little hoarse. The sheen to his eyes is a little less brilliant, and your heart aches for him as you process the twenty-five year wait that Taehyung has endured. “After all, someone welcomed me into their home, right?”

You blink- that someone is you. You’ve welcomed Taehyung into your home. Christmas is perhaps even lonelier for Taehyung than it is for you, and yet all he seems to want to do is make it enjoyable for you. 

You duck your head, distracting yourself by stirring the tip of your paintbrush in the bright red paint. 

“I guess so.” You finally say. You offer him a tentative smile. “I guess I have a responsibility to make this your best Christmas ever, then.” You resolve. 

Taehyung is silent for such a prolonged moment that you’re forced to face him again to ensure he hasn’t died. When you do, what you find is him gaping at you like a Christmas tree just sprouted from between your eyebrows. 

“What?” You question, a little defensively. It’s hard to interpret the look on his face. 

He shakes himself, coming back to his senses. 

“Nothing.” He reassures you. “I just realised that you’re a bit rare to smile, is all.”

Something about the look in his eyes has you feeling flustered- your fingers tremble enough that you knock over the glitter and it spills across Taehyung’s newly bought trousers. You get up quickly, horrified, but he laughs it off. 

“I think we’ve done enough damage to these baubles.” He says with a warm smile. “We still have things to buy, right?”

The rest of the day passes in a blur. Taehyung drags you from store to store, excited by the smallest things. He stares at a Christmas-themed hot chocolate for so long that you end up having to buy it for him. The look of gratefulness in his eyes is unparalleled and almost makes up for the fact that you literally have to plead with him to buy actual clothes and not just ridiculous Christmas Sweaters. In the evening, you wonder the shopping district, appreciating the lights that line the main street in brilliant arrays. 

When you slump down on your couch beside Taehyung that night, showered and ready for bed, you’re exhausted to the bones. Oddly, it’s not the same kind of tiredness you feel after a long week at work or after you’ve had a long argument with your mother. Instead, it’s a satisfying fatigue- like you’ll drift off quickly and dream of christmas lights and children’s laughter. 

“How did I do for my first day?” Taehyung yawns from where he is sprawled on the couch in a similar position to you. 

“Good.” You say, turning your head to glance at him. The dim light of your living room softens the slope of his nose, and his dark eyes catch flashes of the light that makes it seem like his irises are tiny little galaxies. There’s something so inherently peaceful about the warmth of his presence beside yours .

“I’m glad.” He says, though his lashes flutter and you too find yourself fighting off the comforting waves of sleep. He shifts and turns his head so that his cheek rests against the couch and he gazes at you. “Hey (Y/N)?” He calls gently. 

Your eyes are closed by this state. 

“Hmm?” You hum, in acknowledgement of his statement. He’s quiet for a moment before he ask.

“Why did you want to spend Christmas alone?” He asks. You blink open your eyes and look back at him. His gaze is steady and unwavering. But it’s not scolding or judgemental- instead he just seems curious. 

“You told me about your parent’s divorce and all their fighting on Christmas... but I heard the way you spoke to your mother on the phone too. You want to spend Christmas with her, don’t you? You just... can’t?” He asks. “You said you didn’t want the Christmas cheer... but you still took me home and decorated for Christmas. You painted the baubles and drank the hot cocoa and did the Christmas shopping... why do you pretend to hate it all?”

If it were anyone else, you would probably stop the conversation there. You have no interest in delving into your long, complex family history only to be met with looks of confusion, or worse, pity. 

But somehow, in the short space of a mere week, Taehyung has become someone you feel safe opening up to. Perhaps it’s because he’s already heard your whole story already. Or maybe because of the way he genuinely just wants to see you smile despite there being no substantial gain for him other than job satisfaction. Or because he’s proven himself trustworthy in the little ways he’s slotted himself into your life, like sharing meals. Whatever the reason, you don’t clam up like you usually do. 

“I don’t pretend to hate it.” You tell him softly. “I just got sick of trying to love it.”

Taehyung is silent for a long period of time. For a moment, it’s just the two of you, exhausted and sleepy. The weight of your confession hangs in the air, and the moment is strangely intimate. 

Then he smiles. 

“Then I’ll keep trying for you.” He promises. 

The two of you don’t manage to stay awake for much longer. Eventually the long day catches up to you- you drift off first, with one of those rare but peaceful smiles on your face, and Taehyung follows suit soon after.

++

The week that follows is one of the worst you’ve had in a while. You’re putting in ridiculous amounts of overtime and everyone is a little on edge from sheer exhaustion and the mounting stress of deadlines. 

And in that time, Taehyung is honestly a lifesaver. It’s remarkable, being able to come home from another hellish day at work to find him with dinner ready and a crappy Christmas movie set up. You spend your evenings laughing and unwinding. It’s not like you don’t have friends who will come rushing if you tell them you’ve had a bad day, but there’s something special about the way Taehyung does it. With bright smiles and easy laughs and an infectious joy that seems to chase the fatigue that plagues you away. 

It’s towards the end of the week that you hit your limit. You’re not really the type to cry much. You’ve always been fiercely independent, and your upbringing meant that you were the kind of child to retire to your room and work things out for yourself when you felt the need to cry. It’s not like crying ever really achieved anything. Maybe the occasional sad scene in a movie would get you, but usually you’re the kind to feel sad internally.

But after this particular day, you’re close to tears. Your boss had yelled at you, one of the major projects you had been working on just hit a major snag, and you found out your favourite coworker was leaving. 

All you can thing about as you walk in the door is spending another peaceful evening with Taehyung. You’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time to expand his taste past cheesy Christmas movies and had even made a list of films he may like during his lunch break. You swing open the door to your home, eagerly rushing in and calling out to Taehyung so that he knows you’re home. 

And that’s when your phone goes off. 

It’s your father, probably the last person you want to talk to right now. 

Unlike your mother, who at least was trying to make up for the ways she’s screwed up in your upbringing, your father has never acknowledged his part in their divorce. It was always what your mother did wrong, how she let him down, how it was because she changed and wanted different things. He was the kind of man who always wanted a big family, and he had adored your mother at first. But her pregnancy with you had been difficult and you had, admittedly, been a sickly child. She’s never outright said the words, but you suspect postpartum depression might have played a part in her downward spiral. Either way, she had resolved to have no further children after you, something your father was heavily against. 

You suppose it can’t have been easy- your father had been in love and the two of them had agreed on the kind of future they wanted together- the kind filled with children, a quiet suburban life not far from either of their parents. And for your mother to change so suddenly and drastically would have been devastating and incomprehensible to your father. 

Still, you can’t help the resentment and hurt you feel towards him. Why did you have to get caught in the crossfire of his heartbreak? And then the icing on the cake was his remarriage. 

His wife is a lovely woman. Coming into the marriage with three children of her own, she had treated you with the same love and kindness she expected of your father towards her children. Her children, however, were not bound to such conduct, and made it their personal mission to make your life a living hell. Perhaps they felt insecure over the fact that your father was related to you by blood and they weren’t.

Either way, it put him in a difficult position- perhaps he felt he couldn’t tell them to back off without it coming across as favouritism. But he could have done something- spoken to his wife, or chosen you before the family he married into. But he didn’t. He ignored it and turned a blind eye and to this day he continues to pretend that things are normal. Especially after the birth of your half-sibling.

“Hi.” You say, as you answer the phone. Taehyung has stepped into the entryway with you, watching curiously as you answer the phone. 

“Hi sweetheart!” Your dad calls on the other side of the line. You wince at the unwelcome nickname.

“To... to what do I owe the pleasure?” You ask. You can hear a loud racket in the background. Its probably your half-sister. She’s always been on the louder side, even as a baby. 

“Nothing! I was just thinking it’s been a while since we last chatted. You haven’t been returning my calls.” You have no doubt the sadness in his voice is genuine, yet somehow it feels insincere. 

“I’ve just been really busy at work.” You lie, rather than admit you had seen the missed calls from him and not even bothered to listen to the messages he left. “I haven’t had a chance to call you back.”

“Right... right. No, that’s fine. I’m sure your very busy.” He rushes to reassure you. “I was just calling because your mother contacted me. She was hoping I could convince you to spend Christmas with us.”

You stiffen at the familiar topic. You had thought it had been a little too quiet on her end. Perhaps she had thought that if she couldn’t convince you to come home, maybe your father could. She’s always had this idea in her head that maybe you aren’t close to her because you prefer your father, and it’s not like she can handle having a long enough conversation with him to find out she’s wrong. It’s surprising she even managed to let him know your plans for Christmas. 

“It’s fine. Like I told mum, I’d really much rather spend it here this year. Besides, I thought you all were going away for Christmas this year? We already spent Christmas together last year.” You say, pointedly trying to remind him that Christmas isn’t even a yearly thing with him. He does the contractual every-second-year with you, and then plans fun events with his family on the years he isn’t stuck babysitting. 

“That’s true. But that’s why I’m calling! It took a bit of convincing, but there’s a spot on this trip with your name on it, if you want it.” He tells you. He almost sounds excited, like he’s really done something thoughtful and kind. Not just made some last-minute attempts to shoehorn you in. The invite hadn’t been there to start with, after all. It’s only as an afterthought that he’s made any attempt to add you in- a chance to pretend like things are good. Like the two of you aren’t on rocky terms the rest of the year. Like you’re close enough to go on holidays with your stepfamily. 

“I think I’m fine dad.” You finally say. Taehyung is watching the expressions play across your face with mild curiosity. He probably can’t hear your father’s voice on the other line, but he can see the anger on your face, and hear the wobble to your tone. “You have fun on your trip. I’ll make do here.”

There’s a beat of silence and you hear your father sigh. You grimace- that’s his pre-scolding sigh. The sigh he gives before any lecture he thinks you’ve earned. As if he has any parental claim to scolding you. 

“(Y/N),” your father begins. “It’s Christmas. Don’t be like this- you should be spending time with your family-“

“I did.” You cut him off, and you surprise yourself with the way tears fill your eyes. You squint, trying to keep them at bay. Taehyung watches with alarm as he registers the way you are on the verge of crying. “I spent every year. With you and mum. And then you and then mum and then you and then mum. I tried for so. damn. long. to do the family Christmas thing, but all it ever ended in was the two of you letting me down. Mum was too drunk or you were too busy. And yeah, maybe you guys were going through your own stuff. But don’t you dare try and tell me that Christmas is about family because if that’s what family is, I don’t want it. At least if I spend Christmas alone, neither of you can let me down.” You snarl into the phone line. 

Your father is silent after your outburst. Taehyung watches you, waiting for your response. 

And the tears finally spill forth, rolling down your cheeks. 

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then I won’t stop you.” Your father finally says. He sounds hurt, as if you’re the one who’s hurt him. “I guess we’ll see you in the new year. Your sister’s birthday is coming up and Rachel wants to have a big party since she’s ten this year.” 

“I’ll see you then.” You say, your throat raspy and your voice small. 

You’ve barely hung up the call before two strong arms have wrapped around your figure. You go stiff in Taehyung’s arms. This is probably the first time he’s hugged you, and it isn’t unpleasant. Instead, the scent of gingerbread and peppermint fills your nose and it’s strangely soothing. You shift and turn your head just slightly so that your face is buried into the soft cream of his jumper, one of the fresh purchases from the other day. 

“You can cry if you like.” He tells you, and you feel the words rumble from deep in his chest. “I won’t look.” He promises. “That was painful for me to hear, and it’s not even my dad- if you want to cry, then cry.” His voice cracks on the end of his sentence, and you abruptly realise that Taehyung is crying. He’s known you for just a short couple of weeks, and the only nice thing you’ve done for him is not drop a tacky Christmas Scarecrow back into a box of junk, and yet he’s crying just from hearing your half of a painful phone call. 

Perhaps it’s the permission you need. For all of the long, lonely years you were stuck in the middle of feuding exes, you never gave yourself permission to cry. Instead, you’d retire to your room, pressing a pillow to your ears to drown out the sounds of screaming. 

For a long time, you just stand there, sobbing into Taehyung’s arms. He runs his hands soothingly over the back of your hair, and eventually the steady rise and fall of his breathing lulls you into a sense of peace. 

Taehyung is quick to act from there- before long, you are forcefully seated on your couch with a mug of hot chocolate and a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Taehyung crouches before you, swiping at the tear trails on your cheeks with his thumbs. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks cautiously. You grimace and shake your head. 

“It’s just the same old stuff.” You reassure him. “Long day at work; daddy issues; the usual standard.”

Taehyung smiles and settles himself beside you on the couch, tugging the blanket from your hands so that he can curl under it. 

“Good thing your personal Christmas Spirit is here to save the season.” He whispers conspiratorially. He leans forward towards the coffee table and grabs your iPad, before pulling it into the safe cocoon of your blanket. “I’ve been researching all day! Tomorrow’s your day off, so it’s week 2 of spreading Christmas cheer.” He announces, unlocking the iPad and scrolling through the internet page he has open. 

You nearly choke on your hot chocolate. 

“Taehyung,” you rasp. Your oesophagus is probably blistering as you speak. “That’s a page for date ideas. This stuff is all for couples.”

“We are a couple.” Taehyung answers, confused. He points to himself and then to you. “A couple of people.” And then he grins at you and you realise he was teasing. 

You snort and can’t hold back your laugh. Taehyung’s smile softens and he leans into your personal space. 

“There it is.” He remarks. Wonder fills his tone. “That lovely smile.” He taps the tip of your nose fondly. 

The smile slips off your face at his words. Lovely? Your smile? He thinks your smile is lovely?

A weird, electric feeling fills you at the thought, and you lean away from him quickly before your stupid heart can get any funny ideas. He didn’t mean anything by that compliment. He’s a Christmas Spirit- it’s literally his job to make you smile. You won’t overthink it and ruin this strange but precious arrangement you have going on. 

Taehyung, to his credit, doesn’t look hurt or uncomfortable at the way you’d blatantly pulled away from him. Instead, his smile widens. 

“Good idea. You gotta rest up those smiling muscles for tomorrow or you’ll get a cramp.” He tells you. He then gets up and and stretches, letting out a tremendous yawn. He glances over his shoulder at you with a wink. “Prepare yourself for the best day ever.”

++

Said “best day ever” begins with you staring listlessly up at your ceiling. Taehyung had talked big the night before, promising you a day of fun and enjoyment. 

But you just can’t picture it. You’ve spoken to coworkers and friends before, about the excitement of Christmas. How they see lights or hear carols or even smelling gingerbread triggers this warm, nostalgic and joyful feeling deep in their hearts. But you’ve always felt nothing. Christmas has always been just another day, to you. 

With a sigh, you roll out of bed. 

Out in your living room, Taehyung is fidgeting with your smart tv, trying to get it to play what looks like Mariah Carey’s rendition of “All I want for Christmas is you”. He’s mumbling to himself, and his santa’s hat droops lower and lower on his head. The little white pompom at the end brushes his nose, and the bright red strands of hair that peak out from beneath the cap stick out in every direction. 

Apart from the santa’s hat, he’s dressed remarkably stylishly. That had been a big surprise on your little outing the week before- his impeccable fashion taste. Today he’s wearing a soft, fuzzy red cardigan over a large white t-shirt and tan trousers. 

“The volume’s off.” You inform him. He starts, glancing at you in surprise, before confirming that he has accidentally managed to turn the volume all the way down. “You operate technology like a grandpa.”

Taehyung grins as you take the remote from him, adjusting the volume and selecting the song so that the familiar opening begins to chime through your speakers. 

“You say that like I didn’t catch you yelling at your printer two nights ago.” He chuckles. “Are you ready for our ultimate Christmas adventure?”

He must catch the way your guard goes up, because his smile softens from something amused into something more gentle and comforting.

“Nervous?” He asks. You hesitate, just a moment, before offering a terse nod. 

“Sorry.” You finally settle on. “I just... I’ve tried the “christmas cheer” thing. And it didn’t work Tae. I just feel like... Christmas is just another day.”

“That’s because it is just another day.” He reminds you. “But if you give it a chance, it can be more.”

 You bite your lip hesitantly, and he shakes his head. 

“What if you didn’t think about it like Christmas?” He asks. “How about, today is a day for me to cheer you up after a long week. We’re gonna do fun things and enjoy ourself because we want to. Does that sound doable?”

It does. It’s strangely reassuring and low pressure, and something about his words and the patient, warm light to his eyes puts you at ease. You don’t know why you feel so much pressure about enjoying Christmas but maybe it’s because you don’t want to let Taehyung down. He has so much riding on this Christmas and you don’t want to be the person who ruins Christmas for him. Who makes its a tedious, miserable event like your parents did for you. 

And maybe a small part of you wants to enjoy the season for you. To claim back the years lost to misery and fighting and to share in the merriment that everyone else holds.

“Ok.” You finally agree. “Lead the way.”

Taehyung beams in response. 

First on the agenda seems to be in the park in the centre of your city. Not every year in this place has a white Christmas- some Christmases are just cold and muddy, with a thin layer of ice over dirty pavements. This particular Christmas has been quite frosty, and quite early on- the first snowfall had been earlier that week and now a thick layer of snow coats the ground and clings to thick winter coats. 

“Tadaa!” Taehyung proclaims, waving a hand out towards your first activity of the day. An open carriage, decked out in sleigh bells, and two gorgeous white horses, standing tall and sleek in their crystalline surroundings. 

You creep closer, and their handler spots you. He’s a cheerful man in a formal suit, offset by the bright red santa hat atop his head. He matches Taehyung, who seems reluctant to part with his beloved accessory no matter the time of day.

“You must be (Y/N),” the old man cheers, crowding closer. His horses snort and stamp their feet at his excitement, but he pays them no mind, instead skittering forward to greet you. “Taehyung has told me all about you! Come, get yourself seated and we’ll begin the tour.”

You glance at Taehyung, who merely shoos you encouragingly towards the carriage. 

“How did you afford this?” You hiss at him. He shrugs and smiles. 

“Christmas spirits have connections.” He whispers, before placing a hand on either side of your waist. You smother a yelp as you feel him practically lift you up the first step, and it doesn’t take you much encouragement to scramble onto your seat from there. It’s a vain attempt to distract yourself from the feeling of his large hands encircling your waist. 

“All seated?” Your guide questions. Taehyung nods as he scoots in close to you and that’s really all the warning you get before the carriage lurches forward. 

You steady yourself with a yelp, and an arm around you from Taehyung keeps you upright. You glance at him in surprise and are momentarily caught off-guard by his profile. A thin, delicate smattering of snowflakes has been caught on the breeze and they catch on his hair and lashes. The tip of his nose has gone endearingly red in the cold. 

He turns his gaze when he feels your stare and he grins. 

“Enjoying the sights?” He wonders innocently. You grimace and look away. He merely laughs. “Let me explain to you the logic behind our first activity of the day. First of all, it came as a package with the activity my friend got me for free. Secondly, I thought that it might help you see how little perspective can make the things you see every day so much more special.” He finishes his explanation by pointing an arm across you to gesture at the scenery of the park. He’s right; you’ve seen this scenery hundreds of times, across all seasons, but there’s something special about it in the moment. The warmth of families, covered in thick, puffy jackets, the flutter of chilly snowflakes against your skin, the sheen of frost over the pond on the far end of the park. It’s all familiar and yet in that moment, surrounded by the glimmering sound of sleigh-bells and the stead thud of horse shoes against the pavement, the park you’ve known since moving to this city is different, magical. 

The carriage pulls to a stop beside a crowded pavillion. On the other side, you can glimpse people taking advantage of the outdoor figure skating rink thats set up in the park over winter. 

“Is this our second stop?” You ask Taehyung, as he helps you alight from the carriage. Oddly, though he grasps your hand as he helps you down, he doesn’t release it once you’re on solid ground. Instead, he keeps his fingers wrapped around yours as he waves farewell to the carriage driver. 

“You guessed it!” He congratulates you. “Stop number two; appreciating the fun of winter! Nothing screams winter wonderland like a figure skating rink.”

“Can you skate?” You ask him as he leads you to the skate rental counter. 

“No?” He asks. “But how hard can it be, right? It looked really easy on all the videos I watched in preparation.”

A short while later, you get to bear witness to Taehyung learning just how hard figure skating can be. 

“It’s just like walking.” You attempt to soothe him, all the while wincing at the vice-like grip he has on your hands. “Just keep standing upright.”

“Have I always been this tall?” Taehyung breathes. He’s gone deathly pale, and you don’t think the cold is the reason behind it. “Why is the ground so far away?”

“You can do it.” You urge, still allowing him to cling onto your forearms like he’s about to plummet off a cliff edge and you are the only thing keeping him from certain death. “Come on, Tae.” 

He shoots up straight, eyes widening at the sudden nickname. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong move, because he topples forward, and the only thing keeping him from lying face-down on the ice is you. You’re toppling backwards before you can stop yourself. 

Taehyung yelps and you brace yourself for your head to impact against the hard ice, but it never comes. Instead your head lands in the firm cushion of Taehyung’s palm. Somehow, in the chaos of slipping, he’s landed on top of you but managed to stop you from banging your head. 

You blink open your eyes and for a moment, your senses are overwhelmed with the scent of peppermint and the warm brown of his eyes. He looks just as startled as you are. You feel your face heat and his breath puffs warm against your cheeks, contrasting the chill of the air.

“Maybe figure skating isn’t for me.” He volunteers sheepishly. 

You can’t help but offer a crooked smile. He’s so silly but it’s strangely endearing. He looks surprised at your smile, and it seems that’s the moment he abruptly realises the position you’re in. Quickly, he scrambles off you and helps you into a sitting position. 

“Sorry.” He says glumly. “I thought it would be fun, but clearly I overestimated myself.”

You get to your feet and offer a hand to help him get up. He looks nervously at your outstretched hand. 

“It is fun.” You reassure him. “And it can still be fun. Just hold on to me, and trust me ok?”

Something in his gaze softens and he accepts your outstretched hand. It takes a bit, but with an arm around his chest, you manage to stabilise him between yourself and the wall of the ice-skating rink. 

He peeks up at you through his bright red fringe. His santa’s hat sits lopsided on his head. The smile he gives you this time is different from all the other ones. It’s not as ecstatic or joy-filled. This one is more reserved, almost shy; you feel a bit like you’ve been punched in the chest for some reason when you see it. 

You stretch out your hands again, your hands flat and palms extended skywards, and he place one hand into each of your palms. Even through your thick gloves, your skin feels oddly warm when he holds you. 

Gently, you take slow, gliding steps backwards, while he follows with much smaller, much more jilted steps. 

“It’s just like walking, but smoother.” You explain, and the words are forced through a tight throat. Perhaps the cold is getting to you- that’s the only explanation you can think of for why you suddenly feel so short of breath. 

Taehyung nods, focussing hard on the ice. He gives a big exhale that releases in a huge, cloudy breath, and presses one foot forward. And then the other. It’s not long before he’s gliding along before you. 

“That’s it!” You cheer. “I’m going to let go of one hand now, ok? I can’t keep skating backwards or I’ll crash into someone.”

Taehyung looks a bit fearful, but then he nods with determination lighting his eyes. Slowly, you release one hand and spin so that you’re standing shoulder to shoulder with him. He still maintains a death grip on the hand that’s still grasping his, but he manages to stay upright and not go tipping forward. 

“Ok, here we go.” You say, and you take one step forward, followed by a second, and then a third and before you know it, you and Taehyung are drifting across the ice, albeit slowly and with lots of breaks to allow Taehyung to steady himself on the wall. 

It’s actually quite fun, and relaxing, gliding across the ice like this. Music crackles through the speakers, and the people around you are all enjoying themselves. Surrounded by the bright flurry of December snow, it’s easy to smile and let loose and enjoy the season. 

Eventually, the cold does manage to catch up with you, but Taehyung’s quick to press on to the next scheduled activity before you can feel too sad that the ice skating is over. 

He crowds you off the ice, eagerly urging you forward with a hand planted on either shoulder.

“Hurry! We’re going to be late!!” He informs you. You deliberately slow down at that and he gets so huffy and impatient at your silliness that you find yourself laughing. 

After warming yourselves up with a hot chocolate and some lunch in the warmth of a well-heated cafe, it’s starting to get a bit dark by the time Taehyung leads you to your final activity. He refuses to say what it is- instead he leads you in an increasingly convoluted route on public transport. He gets more and more amused the more unfamiliar with your destination you become, and by the time you step off the bus on the snowy outskirts of the city, you’re starting to think the whole Christmas Spirit thing was an act designed to murder you in a forest somewhere.

Particularly when he claps a hand over each eye, obscuring your vision. 

“Taehyung,” you sigh. “If this is how you’re going to murder me, can’t you at least let me see the knife coming?”

“I’m not going to murder you.” He scoffs, though with gentle pressure, he leads you forward, his chest pressed protectively to your back. “I just want to surprise you.”

“I’m very easily surprised.” You remind him. “I don’t need to be blind in a forest to be surprised. Just give me a box of chocolates after a long day of work or something.”

“Hush.” He shushes you. “Just walk, and trust me.”

You take a deep, inhaling breath and your lungs fill with what has become the calming, warm scent of peppermint and cinnamon. It’s Taehyung, you remind yourself. He’s had plenty of opportunity to hurt you or scam you or even kill you but instead all he’s done is wait eagerly for you to return home and watch tacky Christmas movies with you. 

“Ok.” He says, against your ear, and you shiver at the heat of his mouth tickling the cold tips of your ears. “Are you ready?”

Words fail you for some mysterious reason, so you settle for nodding mutely. 

Taehyung drops his hands from your eyes and it takes you a few blinks to adjust to the sudden onslaught of light. 

What lies before you is a long, brightly lit pathway. Market stalls line the paths, with vendors brandishing their wares. Fairly lights string across the stalls, in various tones ranging from warm-toned white lights to festive blues, greens, reds. Overhead, brilliant archways decorated with marvellous, intricate arrays of Christmas lights mark the path.

“What... what is this, Tae?” You breathe. Your chest hurts a little and this time you’re willing to admit that it has nothing to do with the cold. 

“This is the Annual Christmas Markets.” He announces proudly. “Brought to you by your local council and sponsored by Subway (sandwiches not included).”

You take hesitant, wondering steps forward. You don’t really have any words for the strange, ballooning feeling in your chest. Like your heart is so full it’s about to burst. You feel on the verge of tears yet at the same time you feel free and light and happy. 

“It’s so... pretty.” You say. Taehyung beams and steps in close so that he’s shoulder to shoulder with you. 

“Pretty magical, huh?” He asks you. “I found it on google! Did you know the city throws this event every year?”  

You shake your head wonderingly. 

“I had no idea.” You admit. He tilts his head towards the festivities.

“Then let’s explore!” He cries, tugging you forward with a hand wrapped around yours.

There’s lots to do around the markets. There’s christmas light sculptures scattered around, like a scavenger hunt of sorts. Taehyung’s favourite is the one of a santa formed from wires twisted together, skiing across the snow on a sleigh, two reindeers are standing tall. Your favourite is probably a tunnel of lights, tightly woven together to create an archway as people weave through it- you like the way it turns Taehyung’s bright red hair into brilliant licks of flames, and how his eyes look like they hold the entire night sky within their depths. 

There’s a mulled wine stall, although Taehyung pulls a face at the taste and you have to buy him a hot chocolate to get him to forgive you. 

“I just don’t understand how anyone can dislike Christmas carols!” Taehyung protests across his hot chocolate as the night progresses. You’re nearing the edge of the market stalls, which open up onto a big open space, paved with asphalt and with the snow scraped off it where various families and groups of people are starting to gather. Most of them are in parked vehicles, all facing towards a central stage that hasn’t been lit up yet. 

“If you talk to anyone who works in retail, they just get repetitive after a while.” You explain. “I mean, “Last Christmas” is a good song in theory, but not after the six repeats that played before your lunch break.” 

Taehyung “tsk”’s and shakes his head. 

“I think you just have the wrong associations with the songs.” He sighs. “If you associate it with work and bad things, of course you won’t like it! You have to make positive memories and think of those when you hear the songs.”

The stage lights up ahead of you and a small band starts to take the stage. You gaze at the performers as they prepare.

“Any suggestions?” You ask softly. You surprise yourself, and when you look at Taehyung, he looks a little stunned to. “To make positive memories. What should I think of instead, when I hear those songs?”

He searches your gaze for a moment, and then the corner of his mouth quirks in a little half smile. 

“Follow me.” He urges, leading you across the asphalt towards the stage. You have to duck between parked cars where people have makeshift little dens to enjoy the show from. He brings you to a stop where there’s a bit of a space just before the stage. A few couples have already taken advantage of what is essentially a dance floor. He spins around and pulls you in close. You stumble a little, not expecting the movement, but it seems he was expecting that. He steadies you with a hand against your waist and tugs one of your free arms up to rest on his shoulder. “When you hear this song... you can think about today.” He tells you with a smile. “And about all the fun we had!”

He begins to sway you back and forth in a slow turn. You wonder why his weird Christmas Spirit school taught him how to slow dance. Up on the stage, the singer begins to croon the opening notes of “have yourself a merry little christmas”. You tell yourself its the cold that urges you to shuffle in closer to Taehyung as he sways you from side to side. He’s so warm, and solid. Unbidden, your heart starts to beat a little faster, and when you raise your eyes to meet his, something about the warmth in those dazzling depths has you feeling light-headed. 

“What do you think about when you hear them?” You ask him, changing the subject in an attempt to overcome the strange, overwhelming emotion you suddenly feel weighted with. He spins you out in a twirl, before tugging you back in. 

“Hmm...” he contemplates. “I think about hot chocolates, and snowball fights, and the smell of Christmas trees. And Christmas lights and Christmas bells.” He lists, his gaze hazy as he thinks through his list. It’s a bit of a scary thought, but you could honestly stay here forever, watching Taehyung list the things he loves, being swayed gently in his arms. And then he glances down at you and there’s something so warm and fond in his expression that you feel your face heat. “And I think about your smile.”

A funny thing happens in that moment, after his confession. Your heart goes on strike for a moment- even she seems shocked at the sudden turn of events. And then suddenly the air is electric, and all your senses are just filled with Taehyung. His smell, his eyes, his hair, his warmth... his lips.

It’s a sudden revelation, like being struck by lightening. The look in his eyes seems to thread into your veins, leaving burning trails in its wake. His scent washes into the very bottom of your lungs. You like him. In a very short amount of time, he’s wiggled past all your defences and now here you are, standing in his arms, and you realise you want to stay there. You want to keep seeing his smile and keep spending time with him and you don’t want this Christmas to end. 

The songs draws to a close and you step away from his embrace. He seems to sense your sudden change in mood. 

“Is everything ok?” He asks you and you nod, smiling in a way you hope is reassuring. 

“Yeah. I just noticed how cold it’s getting, is all. Shall we head back home?” You ask. Taehyung blinks and glances around as if he’s just now realising how cold it is. He shivers and steps in close to you. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He admits. “Let’s head home.” He wraps his arms around you, rubbing his hands up and down your biceps to try and warm you up. “Did you have fun, though?” He asks eagerly. 

“Yeah.” You say, and this time the smile isn’t forced. “Yeah, I did.”

++

A week later, you’re stressed and bustling around the kitchen like a madwoman. 

“Is it golden brown yet or is it just the oven light?” Taehyung wonders, attempting to peer into your oven without opening the door. “Are you sure we shouldn’t just check now?”

Your realisation of your feelings hadn’t changed too much around the apartment. As work for the year finally drew to a close this week, you hadn’t really had a chance to overthink it, and then you’d been busy planning a pre-Christmas dinner upon learning that Taehyung has always wanted to try a family Christmas dinner. You’d insisted upon throwing one despite his protests that he was the Christmas Spirit, not you. Finally, he had relented, and you were keen to return all the memories he had given you tenfold. 

Only a couple of your friends had still been without plans, this late into December. Jin always manages to make time where food is involved, and Dahyun had had to cancel flights back home for the year. She’s also dragging along an old friend of hers, Jungkook, and then Nayeon had invited Namjoon and Jihyo. They’re all good friends of yours, but there’s something about organising a home-cooked Christmas meal that is just inherently stressful.

“The recipe says another ten minutes.” You remind Taehyung in between your attempts to both whip the cream for dessert and finish placing all the appetisers into sufficiently aesthetic containers. 

Taehyung frowns, and straightens. He watches you dance around in a frazzled manner for a few minutes, before catching you by the shoulders. 

“Hey.” He scolds. “I know I said I wanted a Christmas dinner, but not at the expense of your sanity. I don’t appreciate you undoing all my hard work of making you enjoy Christmas.”

You stiffen at the warmth of his palms against your shoulders before taking a deep breath. 

“You’re right.” You finally say. “I’m sorry. I just... I want you to have a good time. I’ve had so much fun these past few weeks and I want you to feel what I feel. I never thought I could ever look forward to something like Christmas, and yet here I am, throwing an entire Christmas dinner.”

“Seeing you enjoy Christmas and smiling like this makes me feel happier than you can imagine, (Y/N),” Taehyung reassures you. “This dinner is just a bonus. I’m grateful for it, but what would make me feel the best is if you’re having a good time.”

There he goes again. He’s remarkably smooth for a strange mystical being that was raised in the North Pole. He’s just so good at making your stomach feel like it’s filled with butterflies and making your heart forget to beat. With a deep, resigned sigh, you nod to him. 

“Ok. I’ll chill out.” You promise, before returning to your preparations in a far more mellow manner. 

Guests start trickling in. Jin just barely manages to avoid a throttling when you see him, after his stunt where he didn’t show up when there was an intruder in your home. It all worked out fine, but it’s always offensive to learn that your friend would leave you to die because he had “an oven emergency”. Jungkook and Dahyun come in bickering over the intricacies over some meme they’d seen, and Jihyo drags in far too much alcohol for the night. 

The night settles into a comfortable sort of atmosphere- people scatter across the living space of your apartment, catching up and just generally enjoying the vibe. Taehyung gets a few probing questions into the nature of your relationship and Jin seems to develop some sort of facial tic with all the eyebrow wagging he’s doing, but otherwise things go smoothly.

At least until it becomes apparent that Jin had taken the liberty of doing some decorating of his own while you were setting up for dinner. 

Namjoon and Jihyo are the first of the victims to the numerous mistletoes Jin has concealed around your home. Luckily, they are dating and so it’s just a quick peck between them to the sounds of laughter and hooting. 

At least until the other attendees realise that if Jin has hidden multiple mistletoes around your home, at any moment they could fall victim to a dreaded mistletoe kiss, with a completely undesired partner. 

From there, things devolve into a terrified, suspicious sort of scavenger hunt. Jin thinks it’s hilarious, watching you all scour the place like sniffer dogs, comfortably reclined on the couch as he shouts out hints that could be true or could be total lies. It’s always hard to tell with him. 

Of course Taehyung, poor, sweet naive Taehyung, had missed the dramatic revelation of Jin’s prank. He had been in the kitchen, dutifully monitoring dessert as it slowly cooked in the oven, and he had only stepped out to check with you when you thought it would be done. 

You feel him tap your shoulder in the middle of combing through your mantle, making sure Jin hadn’t hidden anything amidst the photo frames and decorations that sat there. You jump, surprised, and turn to face him. 

Only for Jin’s screeching laughter to reach you. 

“Victims number 2!” He calls triumphantly. Taehyung looks confused, and you grimace as you finally spot the offending object. A small bit of mistletoe twisted in amongst the tinsel lining your ceiling. You’re not even sure how the madman actually got it there without anyone noticing. 

“Mistletoe!” Dahyun chants, from where she’d been pressed into a corner and snarling at anyone who dared walk close enough to her lest she too fall victim to the mistletoe. “Mistletoe. Mistletoe. Mistletoe.” Slowly everyone joins the chant until your apartment sounds a bit like a cult. 

“Let’s not be hasty!” You plead. “Think about it. If you let me off, then we can all ignore this silly tradition.”

Taehyung, interestingly, has gone very still upon realising the two of you stand beneath a mistletoe. 

“(Y/N).” he calls, audible only to you beneath the chanting. “We can’t leave. It’s a mistletoe- I have to.”

You squint at him. 

“What do you mean? It’s just a silly tradition, why would you have to-“ you begin, before trailing away as it occurs to your that Taehyung is actually not a human. This isn’t two friends caught beneath a mistletoe and talking their way out of a silly tradition. Taehyung is a Christmas Spirit and thus bound to different rules to you. “Oh.” You breathe. “So I have to... do that?”

With a deep blush that nearly rivals the brilliant red of his hair, Taehyung nods. You wince and let your gaze drop. His mouth is a soft pink- one of the first things you’d bought on that first shopping trip had been lip balm after he’d seen you applying your own. He applies it meticulously and his lips are always faintly glossy and soft looking. This close you can count the tiny moles that sit against his skin like little stars, and you feel a little bit like your heart is in danger when you finally draw your gaze back up to meet his. 

His expression is a little hard to interpret, but you don’t let yourself overthink it. You slide your palms up around the back of his neck and tug his mouth down to press against yours. 

Taehyung makes a little surprised noise when you do, and it makes you blush. The smell of peppermint and cinammon is strong but captivating, and you wish you could stay there. You wish you could keep kissing him, but you know it’s wrong.

With a sigh, you pull back. Taehyung’s eyes are round and mystified and the blush sits high on his cheeks. His tongue darts out to swipe his lips and he clears his throat awkwardly. 

“I...” his gaze flickers down and then he averts his gaze quickly. Around you, your friends let out a few wolf whistles before returning to the panicked search for any other offending items. Taehyung’s breathing seems a little faster and you can’t say you’re in much better state. “I just came out to ask you about the dessert.” He finally manages, though his voice comes out a little raspy. You nod, hoping he doesn’t think much of the way you mirror his fierce blush. 

“Right...” you say awkwardly. “I’ll just... go and check on it.”

You dart around him, heading straight for the kitchen. 

When you are there, you take advantage of the lack of other party guests and bury your face in your hands. It was just a mistletoe kiss, it didn’t mean anything and yet your traitorous heart is rioting in your chest, threatening to go on strike. Your mind can’t help replaying the moment- his lips on yours, his familiar, striking scent, the scratch of his ugly Christmas jumper beneath your fingers. The size of this stupid crush is embarrassingly enormous. 

It takes a few moments, but you manage to regain your composure enough to discover that the dessert is very slightly undercooked, which you know Jin will bitch and moan about, but everyone else won’t mind. It’s nothing copious amounts of ice cream or custard won’t cover up. 

When you step out into your living room, it seems the panic over the mistletoes has settled. Jungkook had smothered Jin until he caved and gave up all the locations and now your living room has devolved into a ridiculous Christmas dance party- Jin and Dahyun belt out the lyrics to Last Christmas with absurd amounts of drama and gravitas, and Jihyo and Namjoon are curled up on the couch, murmuring to each other softly. Jungkook has gotten ahold of Taehyung and is currently trying to teach him ridiculous tiktok dances, and all-in-all it’s kind of a dream vibe for a Christmas party. No pain, or fighting, or tears. Just warmth and laughter, and a shared camraderie of the season. 

You find yourself smiling as you finally admit to yourself that maybe Taehyung was right. 

Christmas isn’t so bad after all. 

++

After everyone goes home, you and Taehyung are left to the cleanup. 

It’s a bit awkward, standing shoulder to shoulder after the kiss. His movements are slow and hesitant, like if you move too quickly he’ll get frightened and bolt. But gradually you settle into a kind of rhythm, tidying things up together and you can’t resist asking him about the party. It had been for his sake, after all.

“Did you have fun?” You ask. Taehyung jumps from where he’d been gently working the sponge into a lather and a clang rings through the kitchen. The silence seems more pressing after the loudness of your party. 

“Um... it was good.” He says, though his voice is a little high and squeaky. “I had a lot of fun- your friends seem nice.”

“It’s not really a family dinner.” You admit sheepishly. He pauses and offers you a smile, and the pleasant expression on his face seems to thaw through the lingering ice in the room. 

“No, don’t be silly.” He tells you. “It was everything I could have hoped for. Except for Jin’s interpretative dance to Santa baby. I feel like I could have gone without that.”

You laugh and shake your head, stepping in close to pluck plates off the drying rack and drying them off. 

“This was nothing. Wait till lizzo comes on and then you’ll see peak Seokjin.” You sigh. But then your expression changes and you offer Taehyung a smile. His eyes drop for just a fraction of a second, so quick you think you’ve imagined it, before raising quickly back to your eyes. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

He nods, and hums, still making his way through the pile of dirty dishes. 

“What about you?” He asks. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

You pause to think about it. The laughter of your friends, the silly Christmas carols, the snap of Christmas bonbons.... you did. You really, truly enjoyed yourself in a way you didn’t think you could and it’s thanks to the man before you. The man who patiently waited for you to come home each evening to eat dinner with you, and who dragged you across the city to places he thought you’d enjoy... he’s truly a magical person. 

“I really did. It’s gotten me so excited for the rest of the year, to be honest. Are there any other Christmas traditions we can do? Christmas is almost here, but what about New Year’s? We could do something fun then too.” You suggest. Suddenly the season seems so bright and exciting, and the fact that there’s a whole week and a half left to December leaves you unbelievably excited. 

Taehyung pauses from where he scrapes at a stubborn crumb on your baking tray. 

“What?” He asks, and his voice goes strangely soft, and tentative. You blink- something about his tone makes you uneasy. 

“For after Christmas.” You clarify. “You’ve already got Christmas planned out for us, right? So I can plan something for New Year’s. Return the favour.”

By now, Taehyung has completely stopped cleaning. He doesn’t look at you, and stares straight ahead. 

“There... there isn’t an “after Christmas”, (Y/N).” He confesses. Your heart drops into your stomach. He turns to face you, and for once, his eyes aren’t bright, and filled with joy. They’re dark and miserable. 

“What?” You breathe, trying to speak past the sudden shattering sensation in your chest. “Why... why not?”

“I’m a Christmas Spirit.” He reminds you. “I bring Christmas Cheer and then I go back in a box for the rest of the year.”

You blink- you feel like you aren’t hearing him right, or just not comprehending things. 

“Why? I can just not put you away. Why can’t there be an “after Christmas”?” You urge. You step in close, fighting past the sudden panic in your chest. “How could I just put you back in a box for the rest of the year? That’s crazy! Just, don’t go in the box.”

“It’s not that simple.” He protests. “There are rules, (Y/N). I can’t just ignore them. My job is to make you happy during Christmas and then that’s it. That’s what I was born and raised to do. That’s what I spent 25 years waiting for.”

Your eyes widen.

“But surely there’s another way? Surely you don’t want to be in the box.” You cry. You step in close and grab his hand, pulling it towards you pleadingly. 

“It doesn’t matter what I want.” He says, and there’s a resigned note of finality to his tone. “After Christmas, that’s it. I lose the strength to turn into a human. You can keep my out of the box, but it doesn’t make a difference. It ends on Christmas night.”

That makes you fall silent as you finally learn the full truth. You’d been so busy having fun that you hadn’t thought about what comes next. You’d stupidly let yourself believe that you could just keep having fun with Taehyung. You hadn’t thought about the logistics or the long term of it. You feel like you’ve been slapped. 

Christmas has an end date. 

Taehyung spots the tears forming in the corners of your eyes before you do, and his expression softens at the sight. 

“It’s not fair.” You rasp. Somehow, he manages to pull a smile from somewhere, though it’s tinged with a deep sadness that makes more tears spill forth. He steps in close and pulls your face into his chest. 

“I know.” He soothes. “It is. It’s unfair. I want to... I want to stay. But I can’t.” 

You can’t keep your composure after that, and the sobs come in in full force. 

“I wanted to keep having fun with you.” You bawl, and he just shushes you with a tighter hug. 

“I did too.” He confesses. “But it just means we have to have even more fun until Christmas. Can you do that for me, (Y/N)?” He breaks the hug so that he can gaze into your eyes, smoothing the tears from your cheeks. “Please.” He begs. And you see the way his own eyes are red and moist. 

You want to tell him you absolutely cannot. That if he’s going to make Christmas fun and then leave you at the end, he can leave right now. Before you fall even harder. Before it’s too hard to say goodbye. 

But you’re a fool. A masochistic, lovestruck, weak fool. You can’t look into his eyes and tell him no. Not when you know what this means to him; you can’t take away his first Christmas for selfish reason. 

“Ok.” You finally rasp. “I’ll do it.”

You’re walking off a cliff face with your eyes wide open.

For once Taehyung’s smile isn’t enough to comfort you.

++

Christmas day dawns cold and subdued. The days following dinner had been warm, but quiet. Reserved. Like you both knew a goodbye was coming and didn’t want to acknowledge it. You spend one night curled up in your car at an outdoor theatre, laughing along to some silly Christmas comedy, and another day is spent going bobsledding. You both go through the motions of merriment, but it’s clear that neither of your hearts are in it. It’s hard to be enthusiastic and merry when each precious moment that passes is one step closer to when he turns back into a scarecrow. 

When you step out in the kitchen, Taehyung is making breakfast already. He sees you and smiles. 

“Good morning.” He calls. “Merry Christmas.”

It triggers a pang in your chest as his words confirm that this is truly your last day with him. 

“Merry Christmas.” You yawn, attempting to conceal the way your heart aches by settling into a chair at your table. 

Taehyung scurries over, a plate in each hand. 

“Breakfast is ready.” He declares. He’s gotten quite creative in his cooking- he can now manage a fairly decent semi-scrambled omelette and his bacon is surprisingly crispy. You’re eager to see what he has prepared for Christmas Day.

When he sets it down in front of you, however, you glimpse the Santa pancakes he made that first day. Your face falls. Two familiar blueberry eyes stare dolefully up at you and even the banana smile seems less curved and cheerful. It’s clear Taehyung had been a little distracted making them, because they’re not as carefully put together as that first meal. But the sentiment behind them still stands; that Taehyung cooks for you. He likes seeing you smile and he goes to absurd lengths to get you to enjoy yourself and he has for the entire month of December. He’s come to mean so much to you in such a short span of time- somehow he’s made a season that previously only meant cold and misery become a time of warmth and laughter. And now you have to say goodbye, before you’ve even started. There’s so many adventures the two of you could go on together, and yet you don’t get to. It’s so cruel. You’re alarmed when the tears come, unbidden. 

Taehyung watches the expressions play out across your face, before wordlessly reaching out with the sleeve of his sweater to wipe the tears that fall away. His touch is gentle and his expression somber. He hasn’t even donned his usual Santa’s hat.

“I’m sorry.” You say, in a small voice. “I know I said I wouldn’t cry.”

He shakes his head and smiles, pulling his chair up so that it’s seated as close as possible to you. 

“It’s ok. Just means I have to work a little harder. I wanna see that pretty smile, before I go.” He reassures you. You sniff and scrub at your eyes before staring determinedly at your pancakes. 

“Ok.” You say. “Let’s do this, then.”

Taehyung searches your expression, and you’re not sure what he sees there, but it seems to satisfy him. You feel that the last few days, his smiles had been duller and decidedly less genuine, but this time he hits you with the full force of his dazzling smile.

“First things first, we have to open presents!” He cheers. You frown. 

“But I don’t have any presents-“ you protest, but Taehyung cuts you off with a sharp rush of air through his teeth. 

“Then what’s that?” He questions innocently, gesturing to your ratty Christmas tree. 

And sure enough, beneath it is laden with presents. You stare at it for a long time. 

“I didn’t get you anything.” You finally admit. Taehyung laughs. 

“You enjoying my gifts is the present.” He says dismissively, before crowding you towards the tree. “Anyway, it’s a universal Christmas tradition to open your presents after breakfast, and I have failed you as a Christmas Spirit if we don’t do that.”

He slides the first gift towards you and eyes you coyly. “Open this one first.” He urges you. 

They’re all small gifts, relatively inexpensive. You’re not expecting Swarovski crystals from Taehyung considering he’s an unemployed Christmas Spirit. But each gift is thoughtful and sweet and bought specifically with you and your tastes in mind. By the time you open the last of the presents, you’re fighting off tears again.

“I didn’t get you anything.” You lament, sniffling slightly as you set the last gift aside. Taehyung’s eyebrows wrinkle together and his mouth pulls into a pout. 

“I already told you. Just being here is a gift for me.” He insists. “Besides, it’s not like I can use anything you give me for eleven months.”

That causes you to fall silent. You bite your lip as you look away. You had been determined not to acknowledge the elephant in the room, but you can’t do it. You can’t spend the day pretending you’re not on the verge of tears.

“I know I said I wouldn’t. But I can’t keep pretending this isn’t going to happen, Tae.” You say, and when he looks at you, you know it’s the first chink in his armour. He’s held it together considerably better than you, and you’d thought maybe it just didn’t bother him. After all, you were the one with feelings, not him. “At least... you can answer questions, right? If I know more, maybe it will hurt less.”

But looking at him now, you realise that he’s been fighting to stay composed to. 

“What do you want to know?” He finally says, and he’s quiet. Defeated. So unlike the optimistic, cheerful being you’d come to adore. 

“Are you trapped? Will it be be uncomfortable?” You question. “Can you still hear me? Will you... will you be lonely?”

“Not exactly.” He reassures you. “I look like a human but I’m also a glorified Christmas ornament. Time and events are different when I’m a scarecrow. It’s hard to explain.... but it’s not so bad. It’s just... how I am. I’m waiting, but I’m not trapped.” He explains vaguely. “I can hear and see what’s going on, but I just process things differently. Time just... feels different.”

You nod, a little comforted that at least you’re not sending your friend to be trapped in a prison of his own body for eleven months.  

“Am I meant to pass you on to someone else?” You ask. “Or do I keep you here?”

“I guess...” He looks uncertain, and tentative. “I guess it depends how your year goes. Eleven months...” his voice cracks and he clears it awkwardly to hide it. “It’s a long time. You can keep me here, and I’ll see you next December, if you need a little extra help enjoying the season... or you can pass me on to someone else if you don’t need me anymore.”

He’s right. Eleven months is such a long time. Long enough to forget Taehyung and his bright smile and cheery disposition. Long enough to spend next Christmas with your family and pretend like things are ok between you. Long enough... long enough to forget just how much your heart aches today, and fool yourself into doing the exact same thing next year. 

“What do you want?” You finally settle on. It’s the last question of the interrogation. After this, you can pretend everything is ok. You can go on like nothing’s wrong. 

Taehyung’s eyes go wide. He points at himself, bewildered by your question. 

“What do... I want?” He echoes, as if he’s never heard the words before. You nod. 

“I want you to spend Christmas happy.” You confess. “So where do you want to be, next Christmas?”

He’s quiet for so long you’re worried that his brain has stopped functioning or that his weird Christmas Spirit voodoo has kicked in. But when he finally looks at you again, his eyes shine with so much emotion that your heart aches in your chest at the sight. 

“I want to be here.” He finally says. “I want to spend Christmas with you again. There’s so many things we still didn’t get to try, and I want to do them all.”

Your throat goes tight, because yet again, you’re signing yourself up for heartbreak. If you do this, you’re the only one who will be hurt. Pining alone for most of the year for a season you used to hate. The irony of the situation is not lost on you.

But you’re helpless to him, to his smile and his sweetness and his warmth, and you can’t say goodbye. 

“Ok.” You agree. “Then you’ll stay with me. Now let’s have some fun.”

++

The day must inevitably draw to a close. Though you and Taehyung linger at every activity, attempting to draw out each moment, the point in the day comes where the two of you are back at the apartment, with the time drawing closer and closer to midnight.

You unlock your apartment door with trembling fingers and inhale a shaking breath. You glance over your shoulder at Taehyung. He’s a broad-shouldered person, tall and imposing were it not for the warmth of his eyes and his puppy-like demeanour and normally he just seems larger than life. But in that moment, he’s so small and uncertain. 

There’s so much you could say. You could plead with him; try and see if there’s a way to bargain out of the inevitable goodbye. Or you could thank him, from the bottom of your heart, for the first enjoyable Christmas you’ve had in your entire life. Crying feels like a viable option too, or getting angry. Your heart can’t seem to settle on a response and so instead it’s settled on numbness. Like it’s cold, lifeless hunk of metal rattling around in your ribcage.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Is what you finally settle on. He stares searching at your expression, before nodding to himself and squaring his shoulders

“Yeah. That sounds fun. I’ll make us some hot chocolate as well.” He says, stepping past you into the foyer. 

You eventually settle on watching the Polar Express. When you sit on the couch, Taehyung sits far too close and tugs a blanket over both your laps. He hands you a mug of hot chocolate and the two of you settle into a peaceful quiet, opposite from the laughter and activity of the daytime. The evening melancholy seems to have settled in. The whole movie, you don’t really pay attention, instead trying not to think about the way the clock on the wall seems to be moving quickly. 

“(Y/N).” You’re startled when Taehyung calls your name. It’s out of the blue, and you hadn’t noticed the way he’s steadily edged closer until the words are said almost directly into your ear. You’d been watching the clock instead of the movie, and you think for a moment that he intends to reprimand you. You turn to look at him and the proximity startles the breath out of you. “It’s almost midnight.” He tells you, as if you haven’t been glaring the clock down for most of the night. 

It’s true, though- the minute hand is edging closer and closer to the dreaded twelve. It makes you realise that he’s been eyeing the clock as well. 

“So it is.” You acknowledge, and he’s so close that his breath skates against the skin of your cheeks, staring at you with an intensity you don’t understand.

“Did I... Did I do a good job?” He asks you. You press your lips together; in a way he did. You think you may have smiled in this month alone more than you have the entire year. But you also know that the rest of the year will now pale in comparison; the rest of winter will leech by, depressingly dreary, and summer will come and go in muddy heat. The year will both inch and speed by and that whole time you will have the special month of December in mind. The times you spent with Taehyung. 

“You did.” You finally say. “I... Christmas was always so lonely and miserable to me. Where we tried to pretend that things were ok and merry and it would just dissolve into screaming matches. But with you, it wasn’t. You helped me make it into something warm, and beautiful. And even though...” your voice cracks, and it takes you a moment to reclaim your composure. “Even though the ending will be lonely and sad, you gave me all these wonderful memories. I’ll hear a Christmas carol and think of you from now on, Taehyung.” 

When you finally gain the courage to meet his gaze, you’re startled to find tears pouring down his cheeks. He’s been sad and a little misty-eyed ever since he admitted he wouldn’t be around after Christmas, but he’s also been frustratingly composed. 

But in that moment, he’s anything but. He looks devastated as he brings his hands up to press into his eyes in a vain attempt to stem the flow of tears.

“I’m sorry.” He gasps. “I tried so hard but... I never imagined Christmas would be like this. I was only supposed to make you smile and then go back to being a scarecrow and that should have been enough but it’s not.”

He’s full on sobbing now, and you can only stare in bewilderment as tears form in your own eyes. 

“I want to spend New Year’s Eve with you, and start the New Year together. I want to see you on your birthday. I want to see you on happy days and sad days. I want to...” he rubs his eyes clear and stares straight at you. “I want to make you smile the whole year.” He confesses. 

And that’s when your phone goes off. You’d set an alarm, earlier in the morning, so that you’d know the exact moment midnight hit. You glance away, for just a moment, dread hitting you full force like a sledgehammer. 

And when you turn back, it’s too late. The familiar little scarecrow stares up at you from the couch, where Taehyung had been seated just moments before. 

And you finally let yourself break down at the sight of the familiar button eyes.

And just like that, Christmas is over. 

++

“Why does your apartment smell like someone’s been dumped?” Jin sniffs as he steps through the threshold of your home, uninvited as usual. You’re not sure how he got in, but he probably had a copy of your key made somehow without you noticing. He’s prone to doing invasive things like that.

“Being dumped doesn’t have a smell.” You snap, from where you had been curled up on the couch under a mound of blankets. 

“Yes it does.” He insists. “It smells like...” he pauses to take one long, obnoxious sniff to the air before wrinkling his nose. “B.O. and cheetos.” He recites. 

You sigh, still not bothering to shift from your blanket nest. You’d been expecting his visit, to be honest. It’s the day before New Year’s Eve and you haven’t responded to his annual New Year’s Eve Bash invite. He’s very intense about RSVPs.

“What do you want, Jin?” You ask. He picks his way delicately towards you, navigating his way through your semi-dissembled Christmas tree before settling before you in a crouch. You’d made it part-way through the post-Christmas clean up before you’d been too upset to continue.

“Well, you aren’t answering my texts or calls. Zero activity on social media, no RSVP to my party... So I thought I’d make sure you hadn’t choked on a piece of tinsel.” He looks around your apartment with distaste. “I’m actually not sure if I’m relieved that you’re ok if this is what “ok” looks like.”

You ignore him, choosing to focus your attention back to Netflix. His expression softens, just a fraction.

“Tell me what’s going on, (Y/N). And where’s.. where’s Taehyung?” He questions tentatively. 

You’re unable to conceal the way your shoulders stiffen, just slightly, at the mention of his name. You’ve been doing your best in the five days since Christmas to bounce back and return to normal life, but you can’t seem to. It’s easier to lounge around on the couch than to muster up the emotional energy to pretend you’re ok. You’ve spent too long pretending you’re ok. There isn’t a single drop of you left that can even try to do so. 

“He had to go.” You say, hating the way your voice goes abruptly raw with tears. Jin’s eyes widen just slightly, and he shuffles closer. 

“What do you mean he had to go? He’s-“ As he said the words, his eyes had been darting wildly around the apartment, but he abruptly cuts himself off when he spots the scarecrow on your mantle. “Why is Taehyung...” he begins, before his gaze flickers to you. 

“Oh.” He exclaims simply, understanding dawning in his eyes. “Oh, (Y/N).” He says, his voice filled with sympathy and sadness on your behalf.

You’re surprised when Jin engulfs you in a hug. You’ve never had that sort of friendship- he prefers to show his love by nagging you. But it’s weirdly comforting and you melt into his embrace. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t RSVP.” You say glumly. “I didn’t feel like celebrating.”

Jin pulls away and scrutinises your expression. 

“Forgive me if it seems probing, but I don’t understand what happened. You guys seemed like you were going great at dinner the other night.” He says. “Why... why didn’t you use his wish?”

You pull back and blink at him in confusion. 

“His... wish?” You echo. Jin nods. 

“All Christmas Spirit receive one wish for their entire career. It was instituted recently, though, maybe only in the last twenty years or so, so maybe Taehyung didn’t know about it?” Jin wonders. 

Your eyes widen. 

“Christmas Spirit?” You splutter. “You mean you knew?”

For someone who’s dropping a bombshell, Jin looks remarkably deadpan. 

“Of course I knew. You think I wouldn’t notice a Christmas Spirit living in my store for five years?” He questions you with exasperation. 

You stare at him incredulously. 

“And you never thought, just once, that it would be a good idea to tell me what I was bringing home?” You demand. He rolls his eyes. 

“Oh please. Like you would have believed me.” He says dismissively. “Little Miss Grinch, hates Christmas, told her weird Christmas Scarecrow is actually a special Christmas Spirit? I’m a simple man, (Y/N). I see an opportunity for a great Hallmark movie, I take it.”

You stare at him in rage, and then something occurs to you. 

“That’s why you never came when I texted you that night! You knew it was Taehyung!” You realise in horror. “What if you had been wrong?”

At least he has enough sense of propriety to look sheepish. 

“Taehyung would have helped you if I was wrong.” He offers meekly. The change in pace of conversation has you deflating. 

“If you knew... why did you let him go home with me? I could have spent Christmas at home, alone, and not be dealing with any of this.” You confess, and Jin softens just a little bit. 

“Well, because I didn’t want you to spend Christmas alone.” He admits. “Every year, you’re so miserable. And I thought Taehyung could change that. And honestly, I didn’t think it would end up like this and even if I did, I thought Taehyung would use his wish.”

“What wish?” You ask. Jin shrugs. 

“Every Christmas Spirit gets one wish throughout their career. Usually it ends up being that they become human, but I know of some who have wished for other things.” He admits. You brows knit together as you gaze at your friend. Where is all this knowledge coming from?

“Jin... just who are you?” You ask hesitantly. He smiles awkwardly and rubs at the back of his neck.

“I’m Jin. The same Jin you’ve known for years. But before that, I was a little Christmas bear who spent years trying to make people happy on Christmas day.” He admits. “And one year... I’d had enough. So I wished that I could be human. And here I am today.” He smiles at you. “And it’s not too late. Taehyung can still do the same.” He glances over at your mantle, where the motionless Christmas Scarecrow sits. “Anyway, I have to get going. I was just coming to make sure you were alive.” He gets up and dusts off his pants. “Maybe give the apartment a clean, and then you can sit down and have a nice, long chat with that scarecrow over there.” 

He makes to leave, but can’t resist tossing one last comment over his shoulder. 

“I’m just going to assume you’re bringing a plus one. I’ll change your response to “going” on the fb invite.” 

++

One clean apartment later, you stand before your mantle, gazing into the button eyes of the scarecrow. It’s weird to know that behind them, Taehyung watches you. What is he thinking? Is he sad? Lonely? Trapped? Is he listening? 

You’re strangely nervous. Taehyung had told you that he’d wanted to spend the rest of the year with you, but maybe he changed his mind. Maybe watching you lounge around your apartment the past five days made him realise how lame you are. And if he only gets one wish in his entire career, why would he waste it now? He’s only had one Christmas to live out his purpose as a Christmas Spirit- maybe he’s not ready to give it up yet. Maybe you’re asking too much of him. It’s only been a month; to ask him to become human and face the horrors of the human world is maybe the cruelest thing you could do.

But your heart yearns, and ultimately that it what gives you the courage to begin speaking. 

“I... don’t know how much you heard of what Jin said earlier.” You admit. “He pretty loud so you probably heard at least some of it. But the basic gist... is that you get a wish. Only one wish, so once you use it, that’s it. So, you have to use it wisely.”

You look away and squeeze your eyes shut. 

“And, I understand if you want to save it. You’ve only just started out and maybe you want more time. But I was thinking... if all that stuff you said before is true... Maybe you can use it now. To be a human.” You inhale shakily. The offer is out in the open now. 

The scarecrow doesn’t move. 

“I mean, maybe you didn’t. That’s ok. I’ll be ok if you don’t actually want to spend the rest of the year with me. It’s a lot to ask when it’s only been a month. But I want to.” You squint and you feel the hot prick of tears forming at the corner of your eyes. “This has been the best Christmas I’ve ever had. I’ve never smiled so much before, and so easily. Something about you makes it so easy. And I was never brave enough to say it, but I like your smile too. I like it so much. It’s ridiculous that you can say my smile is lovely when you can look in the mirror and see what your smile looks like. And I... I don’t want to only get to see it on Christmas. I don’t want to spend eleven months waiting for you but the ridiculous part is that I will.” You admit. “I’ll just keep comparing things to the time I spent with you. I’ll spend eleven months of the year waiting for you’re smile. And that’s because... I really like you, Tae. So much- no, too much. I like you too much.” You’re full on crying at this point. “So please. Spend it on me. Wish to be a human. Wish to be here the rest of the year.”

You fall silent, and still, the scarecrow stares at you. Unmoving, unchanging. 

You smile helplessly, before scrubbing at your eyes. He doesn’t want to use his wish. That’s ok. He doesn’t have to. It was stupid of you to think that he would.

You sniffle and open your eyes.

Only to be engulfed by two arms around your body.  

“I like you too much as well.” Taehyung gasps. It takes you a moment to process- your face is smushed into his chest and his arms hold you securely. “I didn’t know about the wish. But... I want to keep spending time with you. I’d have spent it on you a hundred times over if I’d known.”

You go to pull away so that you can see his face, but he doesn’t give you the chance to because his lips are meeting yours. 

It’s a sweet kiss but also a little clumsy and eager. Like he’s worried time is running out. 

Gradually, the urgency fades and he pulls away. At this proximity, you can see the way his lashes frame his bright eyes, and the way his eyes crinkle into little tiny half moons. It’s a little surreal, being able to gaze upon him so freely when just last week you’d been prepared for a goodbye. 

“So... you’re a human now? You get to stay?” You ask. He pulls back and squints at himself. 

“I guess so. I can’t seem to turn back into a scarecrow so I guess... that I’m human now.” He says.

You kiss him again, after that. It’s soft and sweet and perfect. When you pull away, his eyes are hazy and his expression is unfocused. He looks adorably dishevelled and distracted, and then he offers you that smile, the one that makes your heart feel like it’s about to burst. His fingers come up to delicately trail over the paths of your face, like he’s trying to memorise what you look like. 

“You’re smiling.” He breathes, his tone filled with wonder. His thumb comes up to reverently trace the curve of your lips. “It was your smile.” He confesses. You blink up at him in confusion and he chuckles in response. “It threw me off guard. At the ornament store. Up until that point I’d been so nervous whether I was in over my head with the whole Christmas spirit thing. And then you smiled at me and it wasn’t even because of anything I’d even done and suddenly I wanted to keep that smile on your face.” 

You flush, a bit flustered by his admission, but he isn’t finished, apparently. 

“It’s so pretty. You’re pretty.” He insists. “When you kissed me under the mistletoe I thought my heart was going to burst and then I remembered what I was. That I’m a Christmas Spirit and that I don’t get to do this. I get your smile at Christmas and then that’s it.” He smiles self-deprecatingly at himself before it shifts into something warmer, and fonder. “But now... now...” he trails away, too emotional to continue and he settles for pulling you into another tight embrace, tucking his face into the crook of your neck. All you can smell is that comforting scent of peppermint and cinnamon, and you melt. “Now I get your smiles the rest of the year too. I can’t wait to spend the rest of the year with you.” He confesses, a soft, whispered confession into the warm crook of your neck. 

And there’s lots to do, and things you need to work out now that Taehyung is by your side as a human. Your relationship with your parents isn’t fixed, and he doesn’t have a job or a source of income, and there’s still some remaining Christmas decorations that need to be placed in storage. 

But that’s ok. You’ll both work all that out together eventually. After all, you have the rest of the year to do so.

#thebtswritersclub #kim taehyung x reader #taehyung x reader #castlebangtan #taehyung fluff #writing #secret santa

[themoon-andher-love]

There is Solace to be Found (3/?)

Sail Among Liars

Fandom: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Pairing: Zelda Spellman/Lilith

Zelda gets a tour of the ship — and another interaction with Lilith.

~

Lmao don’t know if anyone is still invested (or still in this fandom?) BUT here’s an update! Read on AO3 at the link above or below.

Zelda woke all at once, pulled out of a dream she couldn’t remember, but it left her with an anxious feeling in her chest that was only worsened by her unfamiliar surroundings. She made to sit up, and then felt the hilt of the knife still in the palm of her hand under the pillow and the memories of the previous day came rushing back.

That made her bolt up as she looked for Lilith, and to her relief she found herself to be alone in the room. Then she withdrew the knife from under the pillow then and tucked it back into her sleeve, taking the time to look around more carefully. True to her word, the captain had given her the bed to herself, leaving the other side completely untouched, though as far as Zelda could tell everything else in the room was also unchanged, making her wonder just what the captain had done all night.

Not that she should complain about being left alone. Lilith seemed true to her word that she wasn’t going to harm her, or at least not in cold blood. But Zelda couldn’t figure the woman out, and that bothered her, like an itch in her mind she couldn’t quite shake. She had a knack for knowing people, knowing their motives and their behaviors better than themselves within minutes of meeting, but Lilith was the exception, always stepping left when she expected her to go right. While that was infuriatingly confusing, her expectations of outright cruelty being contradicted did make her chest relax a little.

Like she’d been summoned by Zelda’s thoughts, Lilith suddenly strode in, looking cheerful. Her hair was even more unruly than it had been the day before, no longer tamed by the captain’s hat, and she carried a plate and large mug. “Good morning, precious.”

Zelda sneered, her brief comfort with the woman overtaken by anger. “Must you call me that?”

“I didn’t manage to catch your name in the excitement of it all, precious,” Lilith stated quite frankly, and Zelda’s anger spiked again. “And it seems rude not to address you by anything.”

“There are plenty of other polite titles to refer to me by other than my monetary value to you.”

“Then what would you like me to call you, precious?” she said with a faux innocent look, a slight, sharp smile on her lips.

Zelda knew the nickname was meant to aggravate her, but that fact didn’t temper her frustration. “My name is Zelda Spellman,” she bit out, and the captain’s teasing gleam left for a more interested look.

“Zelda Spellman,” she repeated, rolling the name on her tongue like a fine wine. “Suits you.”

She wanted to ask what Lilith meant by that, but before she could Lilith set the plate and mug down, then sat in the chair across from it. “I saved you breakfast.”

Indeed she had – Zelda could see the plate loaded with cheese and bread and, miraculously, what looked like eggs. She stood slowly and made her way to the table, taking a careful seat. She studied the captain for a moment, who looked back at her mildly, before picking up her fork and taking a small bite of the eggs.

“Do you keep chickens on board?” she asked, remembering her brother mentioning that live animals would sometimes be brought on larger ships for long journeys.

“Yes,” Lilith said, and sighed. “It seems such a shame to leave the creatures to starve on the ships we raid, so we take them. They provide eggs for a while, and when they stop, they provide a nice dinner.”

Such a genuine answer from the captain surprised Zelda, even when tempered with practicality, and she ate the rest of her meal in silence, attempting again to figure the woman out while ignoring Lilith’s heavy gaze.

The food was good, and the mug of ale even better, and she pushed the empty dishes away when she’d finished. Lilith stared at her a moment longer before she stood, looking at her expectantly. “Come, let me show you around the ship.”

Zelda blinked, shocked by the captain, and it took her a moment by her words. “You won’t lock me in this room?”

“Did you think I would?” Lilith asked flatly, and her lack of emotion had Zelda’s anger spiking again.

“How am I supposed to know when you declined to tell me anything yesterday?”

“You never asked.” She turned up one corner of her mouth then. “Besides, as fun as it is to bring you your meals and watch you eat, I have other things to do with my time.”

As if it was such a burden, Zelda thought, but held her tongue. Not being locked up somewhere meant she’d have chances to explore the ship. She wasn’t sure how that would help her, but more information could never hurt, and perhaps what she found would help her form a plan on what to do the closer they sailed to England.

She stood, wordlessly, and the captain turned and opened the door, gesturing for her to go first. Zelda did, stepping out and onto the deck, blinking rapidly against the glare of the sun. As her eyes adjusted, she saw she was standing on a tall deck near the back of the ship, tucked away a bit, but from her vantage she could see nearly everything. Blood red sails billowed on three masts before her, and there were stairs on either side of the deck leading up and down, where the sounds of the crew working could be heard.

Lilith guided her down a set of stairs, showing her the galley and introducing her to the cook and other crewmen working in the kitchens. She was very formal, to Zelda’s surprise, referring to her by her proper name instead of some demeaning pet name.

They left the galley, Lilith guiding her down a second set of stairs, which brough them to the largest deck of the ship.

“This is the main deck,” Lilith told her, leaning against a barrel sitting next to the staircase. “It’s the center of the ship – you can get near anywhere from here, and the crew tends to congregate here.”

Indeed, there were more men here than Zelda had seen thus far, doing tasks or heading to another part of the ship or just milling about.

“Over there are the crew quarters,” Lilith pointed straight across to a door, “though I doubt you’ll want to spend much time there. Up the stairs you’ll find the deck with the first mate and quartermaster cabins.”

Zelda nodded, taking it all in. Just then boots sounded on the stairs behind them, and Zelda turned and moved out of the way as three men came down, holding a large coil of rope, cheerfully calling “captain” as they came down.

The men stared at Zelda, though she didn’t feel any malice coming from them. They just looked curious, their stares not uncomfortable, and Zelda made an effort to memorize their faces – they could be helpful. At the very least, not her enemy.

After they had passed, Lilith pushed off her barrel and stepped forward, guiding Zelda to a trapdoor. She flung it open and quickly descended the short ladder down before turning and looking back up at Zelda, holding a hand out. She clambered down, ignoring the hand, and turned to look into the bowels of the ship, blinking to see in the dim light.

There were rows of cannons on either side of the ship, with crates and casks and other armament scattered about. A few men wandered through the rows, doing something to the cannons, but many of them stopped when they caught sight of her and Lilith. There were quiet murmurs of “captain” and a few nods, but there were many more lingering eyes.

The hair on the back of Zelda’s neck stood up. The stares of these men were nothing like the men above – these felt predatory, dangerous, and it was suddenly very obvious to her that she was a woman in man’s clothing.

Zelda nearly jumped at Lilith’s light touch on her lower back, but she eagerly followed when she gently pressed her forward, escorting her towards the back of the room. She stood as tall as she could, but as they entered the tight walkway between the cannons, she had to fight the urge to shrink and bow her head. Though the men pressed up against cannons to give them room to pass, some didn’t give them nearly as much space as they could have, and Zelda felt a bit like she was walking into a snare.

The door shut firmly behind them as they entered the next section of the ship, which was empty, much to Zelda’s relief, and Lilith’s hand dropped from her back.

“That was the weaponry deck, as I’m sure you guessed. Below is our main cargo hold, where we keep goods, water casks, and livestock—”

“Stolen goods?”

Lilith gave her a look, though didn’t seem offended by her accusation. “I prefer relinquished, but yes. This is our second cargo hold,” she continued on, ignoring Zelda’s comment. “We keep our main stores of food here, and some other essentials. If you’re ever in need of something, you’ll most likely find it here.”

Lilith pressed her forward before Zelda could say anything, guiding them back towards the door they came from. As they entered the weaponry again, the men eyed her as they had minutes before, and the oily feeling in her stomach returned.

Zelda never thought the captain’s touch could be reassuring, as wary as she was of her. But Lilith’s hand was on her back again, and in the face of the men, that touch was calming, comforting even, in the moment, and Zelda had to stop herself from pressing closer to Lilith.

Back in the sun on the main deck, Zelda sighed and shivered despite the heat, feeling the lingering stares of the men still on her skin. She wanted to bask in the warmth a moment, let it erase the dark from the bowels of the ship, but Lilith pressed her towards the stairs next to the crew quarters.

They went up two sets to the top deck, bringing them to one of the highest points of the ship, the sea stretching out before them. Zelda couldn’t help but gasp a little at the sight – it was like she could see the whole world, the shimmering water unending and hypnotic. She drifted towards the railing almost unconsciously, feeling as though she could touch the horizon, if she just took one more step.

“This is the forecastle deck,” Lilith spoke quietly behind her, and Zelda blinked, forgetting she was there. “The best views are up here,” she continued, leaning her forearms against the railing next to Zelda. “I come up here often, just to take it all in. The dawn, especially. You feel like you’re Apollo himself, bringing the sun for the start of the new day.”

Zelda looked down Lilith, brow quirked. “You know Greek mythology?”

Lilith gave an amused little hum, still staring out at the sea. “You sound surprised I have a basic knowledge of the world.”

There was a long pause, only the sound of the wind and the snapping of the sails reaching them, and all of Zelda’s uncertainty, her fear, her anger, her trepidation, felt muted up here. Like it was blown away on the wind, and she was just on an adventure, far from her past life and all its troubles.

“The view on the tallest deck on the Azul wasn’t anywhere near this,” Zelda said, unsure why she was telling the captain. “I don’t know what’s different, on your ship. But it’s…”

“A bit of magic to it, yes?”

Boots sounded on the stairs behind them, and Zelda turned to see a tall, dark man walking up. She’d seen him when she’d first been captured, he’d been the one the captain had told to ready the lifeboats, and a bit of anxiety settled in Zelda’s stomach again.

“Captain,” the man spoke, and Lilith straightened, gesturing towards him.

“Zelda, this is my first mate, Ambrose. Ambrose, this is Ms. Spellman.”

The man – Ambrose – gave a polite nod of his head. “Ma’am.”

Zelda gave a small nod in return, surprised by the properness of his manners. Lilith stepped forward then and murmured something to him that Zelda didn’t catch. He nodded, then gave a small bow to Zelda before turning back down the steps. Lilith leaned back against the railing again, pointing to the other end of the ship.

“The tallest deck there is the observation deck, and below it with the ship’s wheel is the sterncastle deck. The view there isn’t half bad either, but there’s nothing quite like the bow of the ship.” She waved her hand then in a dismissive way. “I could go on and on about all the parts of my ship, but I’ll spare you. Should you be curious, however,” she said, and gave an affectionate pat to the railing, “there’s not a thing about her I couldn’t tell you.”

Zelda nodded but didn’t question, hoping that would placate the captain enough to keep her from rambling.

Lilith pushed off the railing then and took a few, slow steps forward. Zelda followed, not thinking much of it, and peered down at the main deck below. Men were congregating there; it looked as though the whole crew could be there on the deck, and Zelda looked around, wondering what was going on.

“Apologies in advance.”

Zelda’s stomach dropped. “What—”

Lilith grabbed her waist, tugging until Zelda’s back was pressed against her front. Zelda struggled and clawed at the captain’s arm, making her hiss when she caught flesh, but then Lilith wrapped her other arm around, pinning Zelda’s to her sides. She took a step forward, pressing Zelda tight between her and the railing. She was caught, trapped by the woman who was her enemy, as kind as she has been, and panic swelled her throat and her chest.

“Gather ‘round, boys!”

Lilith’s voice was loud in Zelda’s ear, her grip tight, and the railing was hard and unforgiving where it dug into her hips when she squirmed. The men turned and looked, and Zelda felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

“See this pretty young thing?”

The crowed murmured, some sounding confused, others excited, and the few whoops and whistles made Zelda want to scream.

“I’m sure you want her, hm?”

Lilith nearly purred, and the louder cheers and whistles made Zelda’s blood turn to ice.

“Then listen up, because I’m only going to say this once: she’s mine.”

The world came to a stuttering halt. Hers?

It crashed back into motion when the captain slid a hand up to her breast, squeezing it lightly. Zelda thrashed, though Lilith’s grip was too tight, and she tried to stomp on her feet regardless of the railing pinning her legs. Lilith tightened her hold, and she angled her head towards Zelda, her lips brushing her ear when she murmured, “Quiet, precious.”

Her voice was mild and even, saccharine almost, but Zelda fell still as though she’d growled. She’d been right about the woman, Lilith was a pirate through and through, concerned about nothing more than her next bit of gold and pleasure, and Zelda was her plaything, unable to stop her from doing whatever she wanted.

Lilith’s voice was loud again in her ear as she continued to address the crew. “If any of you animals touch her, paw at her, or even look at her wrong, you’ll be killed by my bare hands, and so slowly that by the end you’ll be begging me for the sweet relief of my sword in your heart.”

The murmurings of the crowd below suddenly died, and the ship became an eerie, uncomfortable quiet, Lilith’s chest pressing into her back with every breath as she allowed the silence to settle.

“You will treat her with the same respect you treat me. I hear otherwise, and you’ll be tied to a cannonball and thrown overboard before you can finish your Hail Mary.”

The tense quiet settled again, though the rushing heartbeat in Zelda’s ears nearly overpowered it. She stared down at the crew, all shuffling feet and adverted eyes, and Lilith’s voice loud in her ear again startled her.

“Don’t you have something better to do?”

The men rushed off, returning to their chores with their heads down, looking at anything but where she and the captain stood. Only Ambrose remained in his spot in the crowd, staring at them with a curious look on his face, before turning and making his way towards the stern.

Lilith had let go of her by now and stepped back, though Zelda barely noticed, her mind still trying to sluggishly catch up with events. Hers. She was the captain’s pet, claimed in front of all, and nothing more to do about it than to hope she stayed in a good mood for the remainder of their journey. Otherwise…

“Why don’t I take you back to my quarters? From there you can do what you’d like.” Lilith murmured behind her, and Zelda slowly turned to look at her.

She looked the same as ever, her hair and tunic ruffling the slight breeze as she stared at her as though nothing had happened.

As though she hadn’t just branded her as her whore.

Rage bubbled up in Zelda stomach, quickly melting the icy fear left in her veins, but she nodded curtly anyways. At least in her room she would be alone, away from the men, away from the captain, and she could curse, she could plot, she could avoid them all until they landed onshore in five weeks, or until the captain decided it was time to perform her duties.

Zelda shoved off the railing and made for the stairs, not bothering to wait for the captain, though she quickly caught up and walked a step behind her. They went across the main deck, and the men there jumped out of her way, bowing their heads and murmuring polite remarks as she passed; as nice as the courtesy was, that rage in her stomach was all consuming.

Lilith, with all her promises and assurances, was nothing more than a snake, but worst of all, Zelda had fallen for her lies. She’d started to believe the captain when she said she wouldn’t hurt her, like a fool, and had even began to consider the woman would respect her. She’d let her guard down, and now she was hers.

Zelda threw open the door to the captain’s quarters and strode in, Lilith following and closing the door behind her. The latch had barely clicked shut and Lilith turned when Zelda reached out on impulse and slapped the woman.

The sound was loud and Zelda’s hand burned, but she didn’t care. Lilith stumbled back a bit, surprised, and put a hand on her cheek. “Alright, I suppose I deserved that—”

Rage boiling over, Zelda didn’t hear. She slapped Lilith again, just as hard, but then Lilith was grabbing her wrists, spinning her around until she was pressed against the door and her wrists pinned above her head.

“I’ll take the one for groping you, but I won’t be struck again for saving your life.”

“Saving me?” Zelda scoffed, and tried to wiggle in Lilith’s grip. “I’m the captain’s whore now thanks to you.”

Lilith tightened her grip, eyes burning, and pressed impossibly closer to Zelda. “You may be, but now you’re amongst pirates who won’t lay a finger on you. I claimed you out there, and do you know what pirates do to the captain’s whore?” She spit out the word and leaned closer until their lips were mere inches away. “Absolutely nothing.”

Zelda seethed and bucked in Lilith’s grasp, tugging at her wrists until the captain let go and took two steps back. She glared at Lilith, absolutely hating that she could see her logic – there had been no stares, no leers, no prickle at the back of her neck when she’d walked past the men. It was clear that the men obeyed their captain, and by branding her as off limits, she’d be safe on the ship.

From the men, at least.

Lilith was staring at her, expression unreadable, and Zelda pushed off the door and went further into the room, not wanting her back to a wall. “You shouldn’t have groped me.”

She turned to look at Lilith, who did nod and blink in acknowledgement. “You’re right. I apologize.”

She should’ve just ignored the captain, but there was a question niggling at the back of her mind, and she couldn’t stop it from slipping out. “Why did you?”

“Grope you?” Lilith asked, and gave a small smirk. “I thought it would make my point clear, in the moment.”

Zelda sneered. “No, why did you save me?” she clarified, and her anger flared again. “Why bother with it? Why not just leave me to the mercies of your men? It would certainly be easier – give your men a new toy to play with while saving you from having to look after me.”

Anger filled Lilith’s eyes to match her own, and she took a slow step towards Zelda. “I would never leave a woman at the mercy of the lusts of men.” She spoke slowly, her voice low, and looking more serious than Zelda had ever seen her. “While I hope that my crew wouldn’t do such a thing, I know they would never disobey their captain.”

“You wouldn’t leave me at their mercies, but you’ll put me at yours?”

Lilith raised an eyebrow and took another slow step towards Zelda. “Like it or not, as you are a guest on this ship and I her captain, you are at my mercy. How you choose to define that is up to you.”

And with that, Lilith turned on her heel and walked out the door.

Zelda stood rooted to the spot, stomach turning. She had half a mind to follow Lilith and demand that she explain herself further, tell her to stop the cryptic behaviors and the contradictions and just tell her what to expect as her guest, as she so put it, but a sudden wave of exhaustion washed over her. Going out and confronting Lilith in front of her crew, who saw her as the captain’s toy, was an overwhelming thought, and one she didn’t want to deal with just now.

She sat on the edge of the bed, taking the knife out of her sleeve so she could easily scrub her hands over her face. Was it really just this time yesterday she was first boarding the Demoness? It felt like a lifetime ago, and yet a part of her still felt.

It was early in the day, barely into the afternoon, but Zelda couldn’t bring herself to care. Her exhaustion seemed to run bone deep, and her anger and confusion with the captain only added to it. Sliding the knife under her pillow like she had before, she laid down and closed her eyes, focusing on the slight rocking of the boat beneath her.

Perhaps this time she’d wake at home, or back on the Azul, or, she thought with a wave of melancholy washed over her, anywhere from here.

#LMAO sorry this took so long #trying to just let my writing flow and it’s actually been going pretty well #so here’s to just getting this story out #for like the three of you still invested 😂 #madam spellman #zelda spellman #caos lilith #zelith #caos #caos fanfic #chilling adventures of sabrina

[kirbyspits]

I hate how everyone blame mako for makorra being toxic but don’t hold Korra responsible for her role in it too. She accused him of conspiring behind her back, humiliated him in front of his coworkers, yelled at him, and flipped his desk over. Book 2 was a nightmare.

Part 1/2 Asks

Listen, Book 2 is dead to me. When antis say Korra is unlikable in Book 2, I can’t defend her. Korra’s stress and insecurities are so subtle and downplayed, it’s hard to even feel sympathetic towards her. Combative characters don’t normally bother me, but Korra was too much, especially since Mako also had no clue what to do. Korra’s the one who had over a decade of training and had all the old wise teachers. 

I only started tolerating their fights after catching one line that helped me understand how Korra spiraled into this raging bundle of blueness. She mentions being “locked up” and people telling her what’s best for her. So my headcanon is all those years in isolation with older men controlling every aspect of her life came to a head, and that took a major toll on her mental health. 

Book 2 was a missed opportunity to explore the confusion, loneliness, and isolation that comes with being the Avatar. The fights with Mako could have been more bearable because they’d make more sense, with those issues being the heart of the problem. However, since we already got into most of that in ATLA, I guess Bryke wanted to focus on spirits, the spiritual world, and frankly speaking, breaking up Mako and Korra. 

So let’s get into Makorra Book 2, specifically before Mako’s lie, because I have more thoughts about that. Ngl, I’ve been dreading writing about this. I get so frustrated and sad because this could have been a beautiful story about a relationship's trials. 

Korra is the one who made the relationship toxic. Trying to keep the peace by downplaying your own opinions and beliefs to avoid making your partner angry isn’t healthy. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is never a good sign, and it’s uncomfortable to watch.

I tend to think people who place all the blame on Mako just don’t like him. Mako was nearly perfect. And I’m not just saying that as a Mako stan. From the beginning, he has done nothing but try his best to support Korra. This is pretty much the pattern during the southern pole arc: Korra vents, Mako responds with what he thinks is supportive feedback. Korra accuses him of taking sides and then shuts the conversation down.  Mako is not the problem. At least while he’s in the southern pole. Korra’s responses are extreme, for starters, mostly because we as viewers are not given enough context to sympathize with her and see why she’s upset with Mako. Mako also listens to Korra’s responses in an effort to remedy the situation the next time there’s a disconnect. When Korra shuts down the first time after he offers his outside perspective, Mako changes his approach. The next time Korra vents, Mako responds by telling her he’ll support whatever decision she thinks is right instead of his opinion. Sure, there is a slight difference in the way Korra talks to Mako. The first time, Mako speaks without her asking for his advice on the matter, while the second time, she asks. Only Korra wanted him to voice his thoughts without her giving him the ok based on the dialogue: Korra: “Well?” Mako: “Well what?” Korra: “What do you think I should do?” 

No wonder Mako is confused and eventually becomes frustrated. It’s also important to note that Mako doesn’t do anything wrong here unless we’re supposed to blame him for not being a mind reader. In fact, Mako takes it a step further and asks Korra how they should communicate to avoid fighting.

Mako: “Do you want advice, or am I supposed to just listen? Still not clear on that.” 

Korra apologizes, but she never answers him, which becomes a problem when they return to Republic City. 

Antis love saying how Mako and Korra were so young when they dated and needed to mature first. I love Korra, but sorry she needed to stop suffering from the hands of Bryke, who just wanted the relationship to end mature. Mako’s approach was very satisfying to watch, and he handled the relationship in a way that would have led to something more healthy if extreme events didn’t occur.

Korra was also mean, and Mako is not a punching bag. He wasn’t going to just let Korra insult him. Mako only becomes combative when Korra makes jabs at him. Mako was the one who either diffused the situation if Korra couldn’t walk away. Otherwise, he’d stick up for himself whenever Korra became sarcastic. 

One of my favorite lines is Mako saying “I thought you wanted me to be supportive. Now you want to know what I think?!” I’ll admit he might have taken it too far when he told her to make up her mind (you were right Mako, but time and place 😬). That was how he got an air bison plushie shoved into his face. Korra was wrong for that, but I understand why she did it 😅. 

Once they got back to Republic City, things became terrible even though Mako and Korra had made up, and I guess Bryke wanted them to go back to square1. Mako finally hit his breaking point and started yelling back. In his comebacks, he threw Korra starting a civil war and messing up the world in her face, something she already felt guilty for. However, these insults were always said in response to Korra demeaning him. You can argue he shouldn’t have fought fire with fire, but again, Mako was at his limit, and Korra was beyond hers. 

The most ironic line in their fights is Korra telling Mako, “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,” before storming out. I love it because this line really belongs to Mako! He’s the one who can’t talk to Korra and says so!

Even the breakup scene shows Mako starting out as the diplomatic one. His inner Tenzin came out. Korra, on the other hand, basically tried to intimidate him during the confrontation. She first leans over his desk and yells at him for answers. Mako remains seated, explains himself, and Korra doesn’t accept it. Instead, she then kicks his desk out of the way, so there’s nothing in between them. Idk stans, rewatching that scene makes me wonder Korra was actually looking to fight.   

Mind you, Korra has every right to be angry. Her feelings are real. This fight was probably the only fight I was ok with because we got to the source of the problem. She felt betrayed by Mako. This was the only time her accusation about Mako choosing sides makes sense. Of course, Mako was put in an impossible situation, dealing with an angry Avatar or being tried for treason. He made the right decision. Korra would forgive him at some point, and no one goes to jail. 

Also, I noticed that those who say Mako’s the toxic one conveniently forget he ended the relationship. I also don’t think that he would’ve if Korra didn’t say anything about him getting her way and alluding to choosing sides again. Look at his face:

I’m probably getting into headcanon territory, but I think something broke here. Maybe his heart. For 5 episodes, Mako has been trying to convince Korra that he’s on her side. He wants to help her and support her, but she never believes him. He couldn’t take it anymore it more and honestly, Mako did the best thing for his own mental health. And Korra, after all that talk and gusto, jogs out, and runs away. It’s almost comedic. Siighhh, shipping Makorra, and watching Book 2 is torture! 

Still, we have some really sweet moments of our favorite couple, like Mako asking Korra out to dinner 🥰. It’s moments like this that make rewatching Book 2 a little more bearable. Part of me cackles at the idea that Korra and Mako were so in love, it took a war to break them up. Safe to say wars can end any relationship.   

#kirbyspits answers #makorra #pro mako #mako #book 2 spirits

[journeystartstoday]

Story Time

The Adoption - Meeting A New Friend

Words: 4623

Summary: This is the story version of how the adoption process went from start to end with @adventures-on-foster-island ! Thanks again!

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It was unsettling to settle back in to say the least.

Going from constantly traveling to sitting at home everyday was a change neither me or my pokemon were very happy about at first. Of course, I had discussed it with them before I made the decision to come home, and of course, it was great to see my family and friends again after that year away, but it was also... slower. More controlled. Less exciting in a way that constantly being surrounded by the unexpected does to you. In my little rented appartment in Rota, there were no wild pokemon that would steal my lunches, no random trainers that would challenge me as soon as our eyes met. There were no mad dashes to outrun rain clouds and no seeking shelter with wild pokemon... everything was peaceful. Everything was safe.

Luckily, it never became boring. In my first couple of days back, just as I was taking a stroll around town to see what had changed and to greet the merchants and shopkeepers I grew up around, Miss Chiba from the bakery offered me a job. The best kind of coincidence, right? During my journey I had garnered many different recipes and tips and tricks to make different pasteries, so of course I happily agreed. Eevee was over the moon when I told them the news and insisted on keeping me company during my working hours... totally not because they had a sweet tooth and were banking on getting all the left-overs and taste tests they would likely be gifted if they hung around the kitchen all day...

Okay, so maybe I had spoiled Eevee too much on our time on the road. Nothing wrong with that.

To my surprise, Riolu declined the invitation to come along with us, even if she was as much a sweets lover as Eevee. Instead, she wanted to keep training and keep honing her powers so she could be ready for when I would inevitably go on another journey again. It was sweet, so I let her, with the promise that she came by during lunch break so we could all eat together and hear about her process.

And that's how my days back home went from then on. Eevee and I would see Riolu to the city wall and wave her goodbye as she headed towards the small forest where she liked to train, and then Eevee and I were off to the bakery. It was a nice change of pace for a while. Homey. Safe. But after a couple of weeks I started to get this weird, empty feeling. Like something was missing. Incomplete.

Whether it was because of my former partner Squirtle, who had left the team at the end of my journey through Kanto to be with a group of wild Squirtle that wanted him to be their leader and protector; or because my apartment was a little small (even if it beat my little tent by a mile) and I felt constricted somehow... I don't know. But the short version of it was that I wanted to change things up a little. I couldn't go on another journey. Not yet. Only a couple more weeks and I had enough money for that. However, a friend recommended me something else. Something better.

Adopt a pokemon.

To be honest, I was a little skeptical of it at first, since I didn't know if I was capable of caring for a pokemon that could possibly have bad memories with people, but I still wanted to give it a chance. I wouldn't be a very good trainer if I wouldn't.

It was on one of my days off, and Eevee and I persuaded Riolu to take a rest day too, so we could all walk towards the closest pokemon centre together. There, I made a call. It was to Ellisa, former pokemon researcher and head caregiver of Foster Island, an island facility dedicated to saving and caring for neglected, abandoned, or abused pokemon. Of course, there were multiple ways to adopt a pokemon, but my friend had been really adamant about this place. I could hardly argue against it, especially when she showed me one of the pokemon she had adopted from the place. It was a little cutie, so precious, but still a bit wary of other trainers. It totally convinced me. It would take a while to travel there once I had chosen a date to look at the pokemon for adoption, but at least this saved me from doing hours of research and chickening out. All in all, it was a great way to adopt a new friend.

Anyway, I called Ellisa and after a short trading of names and giving introductions, I told Ellisa my story and told her a bit about what I did in daily life nowadays. It wasn't much to go on honestly, so I was pleasantly surprised when after about two hours, Ellisa called me back to say she had a few candidates that would like to meet me! I was so excited and immediately scheduled a day I would come by. The days that followed where filled with daydreaming and planning my short trip overseas, but I was so looking forward to it that time flew by in no time!

~*~

And now I sit here, on the deck of a ship that is taking me, Riolu and Eevee towards Foster Island. Finally! I'm a little nervous if I have to be honest, but I think the knot in my stomach belongs to the good kind of nerves. The jittery, excited kind.

"Eievui!" Little brown paws clamber across my leg. Eevee smugly sits themselves on my lap and strains their neck to look over the railing of the ship.

"Be careful," I say to them, gently placing a hand against their belly to keep them from falling off. Eevee just wiggles a little on my lap, but keeps watching the water pokemon before us. Seels skirt across the water's surface, while magikarps and tympoles occasionally spring from the water in high arcs before they dissappear under the waves again. Everytime the latter happens, Eevee squals in glee, never failing to point out that there was a water pokemon there, did you see that?!

Or at least, I think they say that. I could be wrong.

I softly pat Eevee's head as they keep watching the waves and I slowly turn to meet Riolu's gaze. She stands next to the door that leads inside the boat. Ever since I received her, she has always been the 'cool' type of pokemon. Crosses her arms, stands slightly back and leans against the wall of the ship so you can't see the happy sparkle in her eyes - the whole deal. It only makes her cuter honestly. I'm carefull not to break her bubble though. She once tried to tell me that she did it because she felt like she was the protector of our little family. So cute.

She believes that for that she always has to stay back and keep watch. Keep us safe.

And she does. She really does keep us safe, both during our journey and now that we are on a trip to find a new friend. I just hope she can let her guard down a little when we meet them so there's no hostility or anything from the start. I've been told Riolu's cold demeaner scares off some pokemon, but I'm sure that won't be the case now. To be sure, I ask with my eyes if she's doing alright. She simply nods back.

Okay, so she is just as nervous as I am, I'm glad.

After a period of watching the waves and listening to the soft chitter from Eevee, the boat finally moors on Foster Island, an assistent already waiting for me there. She gives me a soft smile and brings me along to the care facility further down the coast. I'm no connoiseur on architecture, but the building just screamed safe and open to me as soon as I saw it. A lot of glass, a lot of white, happy paintings of happy pokemon on banners at both sides of the entrance. Just as we enter the building, I let Eevee down from where I kept them against my chest. I saw a small playground just to my left. They always love those.

"Come back when I call, 'kay?" I yell at their retreating form.

"Vuivui!"

...I'll search for them when the time comes.

The assistent leads me and Riolu further into the building untill we arrive at a large room, one wall completely made of glass so everyone can see the small garden on the other side. From where I enter I can already see a couple of Bidoof chasing each other in a friendly game of tag, while a Pachirisu and Buneary are peeking out from behind a bush and watch them with interest. It warms my heart to see them so carefree. Who knows what they have had to endure to come here?

"You may take a seat here," the assistent says and gestures around at the various sofa's and beanbags, "Ellisa will meet you shortly. Please make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you-" The assistent is already gone. Well. Okay.

I sit down on one particularly soft-looking beanbag and almost drown it, before righting myself. Hopefully nobody was watching the security cameras; that was akward. Next to me, Riolu snickers. I have the urge to respond sarcastically, but... well, it was kind of funny. I laugh with her.

The floor of this room is a soft carpet, pastel colored circles spread across it that makes the place look happy and safe. A perfect place to play. I'm almost tempted to throw off my shoes and let my feet rest on the soft carpet, but I decid that it would probably be best not to do that in a public space.

Riolu and I watch the pokemon behind the glass play and relax, untill a door to my right opens.

"Sky?"

"Yes, that's me."

Ellisa steps inside the room and holds out her hand. I shake it.

"It's nice to finally meet you in person," Ellisa says.

"Likewise." I smile at her, but soon my eye catches movement behind her. A small Bidoof appears from behind her legs. It's body is smaller than the Bidoof I had seen in the garden and it's teeth are far more white. Like they have been cleaned far more recently. Or are newly grown. I hope it's not the latter.

Ellisa notices my gaze and smiles softly at Bidoof. "This is Bidoof," she introduces it, "This one came to us with overgrown front teeth, as her trainer left her in a crate with nothing to chew most of the time. Her mouth has fully recovered, as you can see, as well as her fighting spirit." She came a little closer to me to whisper, "She does still have claustrophobia however, so avoid putting her in any kind of container or very small room if you choose her."

As soon as I hear that I can feel my heart break a little. That must have been horrible. No wonder even now, Bidoof seems skittish around me. It wouldn't be easy to open yourself up to new people after experiencing something like that.

"It is nice to meet you Bidoof," I say and crouch down in front of her. I want to pet her, but decide against it. Instead I give her my brightest smile. "I'm glad you're doing alright now."

Bidoof cautiously shuffles from behind Ellisa's legs and approaches me. She's just precious. When she's close enough, Bidoof dips her head down a little.

Ah, I understand.

"May I?"

"Bi-bi."

I reach out with my hand and slowly, gently cart my fingers through her fur. It is incredibly soft. Bidoof croons quietly.

"This is going to be impossible..." I murmur to myself. How will I ever choose? I stand up again, to the slight disappointment of Bidoof. Ellisa just smiles and nods at an assistent that just entered the room with a pokemon in their arms. It's a Lotad, but with a small, pale purple water lilly on it's lilly pad. It's so cute!

"This is Lotad," Ellisa says, and thanks the assistent as she takes Lotad in her own arms, "This is the sweetest little guy in our garden pool. We assume that he was abandoned before the flower bloomed, and the trainer thought he was sick when he saw the bud growing... He's pretty cold resistant, and finds it too hot here on the island. He said he'd like to travel again soon."

I smile at Lotad, who shyly turns his gaze away. I can't imagine anyone leaving him just for his looks. It almost makes me mad, but I manage to keep my smile as I nod at Lotad. "You look beautiful Lotad, anyone thinking otherwise cannot see what is right in front of them."

The water type shifts a little in Ellisa's arms, but I can see it preens at the compliment. Good.

A soft knock on the open door alerts me to the next arrival. A Skarmory stands in the doorway, it's expression closed off and cold. Scars litter it's body that resemble the silhouettes of dead trees, as if his body is still in the hold of their branches and never managed to escape them. It saddens my heart. Skarmory must notice my expression, because as he steps further into the room, he grumbles and turns his head away from me.

Ellisa starts with the introduction as if there has not already happened an akward exchange between us.

"This is Skarmory. He was rescued from a poaching operation about a year ago, and had been badly electrocuted multiple times there. Although he is all healed, his scars never disappeared..." Skarmory shifts on his legs, but keeps his eyes on the ground. "I know he may look intimidating-"

May look intimidating? He practically already rejected me after our eyes met for only a second!

"-but I swear that it's quite on the contrary. Skarmory here has the largest heart of any of the pokemon here and will put himself in danger if that means he can help those he cares about."

I swallow through the rejection and tug my lips back up in a smile. "It is nice to meet you, Skarmory." My voice gets stuck in my throat. What else can I say to him? He even refuses to look me in the eye...

No doubt picking up on my unease, Riolu steps forward and quietly growls something at Skarmory. The steel and flying type does look up from that, but his expression is anything but friendly. Before Riolu can get closer and possibly start a fight, I step in between the two hard heads.

"Be nice, you two. This is just an introduction session, no time for a battle." I look at Riolu and raise an eyebrow. Riolu huffs, but stands back. My arms drop back to my sides. "Good."

I turn to Ellisa, who is placing Lotad on the ground. She pulls a spray bottle from... somewhere, and softly sprays his lilly pad. Then as she stands up, she smiles at all three of the adoption pokemon now present.

"These are the pokemon that were the most insistent on meeting with you, Sky," she says. I can't help but be a little surprised by that and try to catch Skarmory's eyes, but he has his head down again. "You have about the next hour or so to get to know them and play a little with them. I will come back when it's time to say goodbye or for you to make a choice. You may choose if you want to stay inside or if you want to go into the garden, that's up to you. I hope you will all have a good time." After saying her goodbyes to the pokemon, she leaves us alone.

It is quiet for a second, but I decide to take the lead and break the silence. I clasp my hands together.

"Alright! What about you three give us a tour of the garden? I would like to see all your favorite spots. Does that sound like a plan?"

"Bi-bi!" Bidoof happily makes his way to the door, and Lotad and a hesitant Skarmory follow her. I take Riolu's paw and follow behind them. Hopefully, all will work out now.

~*~

The garden truly is a special place. There's something for every kind of pokemon — a small patch of ice in the corner for pokemon who want to cool down after playing, a sandy part for pokemon to sunbathe in. A small pool is surrounded by low grass hills, and trees and bushes provide cover from the sun that shines down from between the walls of the facility. Patches of flowers are scattered across the grass, and I think I even saw some holes that were no doubt dug out by pokemon to create makeshift tunnels underground.

And really all sorts of pokemon live here. When Bidoof showed me her favorite hiding place between a circle of small, blue berrie bushes, I spotted an Aromatisse and a Goomy hiding there as well. When Lotad showed me how he liked to drift in the pool and play with the other water types, I saw a Helioptile just off the side recharching in the sun, while a Ledian quietly zoomed by. The garden was almost filled to the brim with different kinds of pokemon, but it seemed that everyone had found their own little places and spots. It warmed my heart to see it.

During the tour outside, Riolu had stood back, leaning next to the glass door we entered from with her arms crossed. Skarmory had stayed back as well, but at the other side of the door, still visibly avoiding getting too close to any of us. Secretly, I hoped that they would be able to gain an understanding during their quiet brooding, so I let them to themselves.

Besides, I had already enough to do just following the increasingly enthusiastic Lotad and Bidoof around. Halfway through our walk through the garden, a caregiver brought Eevee to the garden and, instantly, a friendship bloomed between them and the adoption pokemon. From that moment on, I let myself fall down in the grass and told them to go on playing. I needed a break.

~*~

Now, I sluggishly blink my eyes open as I feel a soft prodding against my cheek. "Wha-" I yawn. My eyes adjust to the sunlight and begin to focus. Riolu is kneeling beside me, poking my cheek and softly calling my name.

"Rio... Rio."

I wipe away some drool and lift myself from the ground with one arm. "I'm awake, I'm awake."

Riolu sits back on her knees. "Riolu-ri, Rio."

"I know, I know," I say, "but I was too comfortable to resist it." I rub my eyes and look around. I'm still in the garden of the Foster Island's adoption facility, but... there are no pokemon anywhere nearby.

A low growl startles me. I look to my left, where Skarmory is standing. He's looking straight at me, but I can't figure out what his expression means. Is he mad? Irritated?

"Ah, you're awake." The door to the garden opens and Ellisa steps inside. She smiles knowingly. "I was just about to announce that your time is up for today, since we have another appointment in half an hour. I have to say though... this has been the most unusual getting-to-know session I have seen in a while."

I feel heat rise to my cheeks. I hastily push myself from the ground and wipe away some grass blades from my clothes and hair. "I'm so sorry!" I exclaim, "I hadn't meant to fall asleep! I'm sorry I scared everyone away..." I look around. Was that a Pachirisu I saw ducking behind a bush? Oh no, I really scared them...

Ellisa laughs.

...Huh?

"Oh, quite on the contrary," Ellisa assures me, "the pokemon were all so curious to come closer. Most of them have never seen a human so unguarded around them before. When some of them began to climb on top of you however... Skarmory and Riolu stepped in and chased them away. Together, might I add." A glint in her eye. "They make quite the team."

Oh.

I look at Riolu, then Skarmory. Skarmory averts his gaze. I still smile at him. "Well, thank you then. For saving me," I say.

Skarmory grunts quietly.

"Lu-rio," Riolu adds. She sounds approving, almost proud.

Guess the choice is already made for one of us.

"And... where is Eevee?" I turn back to Ellisa, who nods at a collection of trees just off the side. I carefully approach the trees and when I hold away a couple of branches, I am pleasantly surprised. There, right between the trees, are Lotad, Eevee and Bidoof, quietly nibbling on some red berries. The leafs russle as I move them and Eevee looks up from her meal at the sound.

"Eievui!" They bounce from their spot, right into my arms. I almost drop them, but quickly adjust.

"Hi there. I see you entertained yourself just fine?"

"Eievui-vui!"

"I'm glad."

I look at Lotad and Bidoof. "And I'm sorry, but Ellisa told me my time's up for now. I hope you can forgive me for falling asleep when we had only so little time to get to know each other."

"Tad."

"Bidoof."

They both nod and follow me from inbetween the trees back to where Ellisa, Riolu and Skarmory are waiting for us. I bring Eevee along in my arms.

"In some adoption cases, I advice the trainers to come back for a second time, either when they're still not sure who to choose or if I think the pokemon haven't accepted them yet," Ellisa says.

I nod, already planning another date in my mind I could get free to come over once more.

"...However," Ellisa says and I look up in surprise, "I would say that in this instance a second appointment is not really necessary, is it?" She looks at the adoption pokemon. "I saw the way they interacted with you and I must say they haven't been this expressive and... happy in a while. I am sure any of them would be ecstatic if you were to adopt them."

My mouth is agape, I know it, but I can't help it. All three of them... like me? I let my eyes drift over them and they all look back with the pokemon-equivalent of smiles.

The choice had been hard, but even I cannot deny that I already feel which of them would fit my little family the best. Even if I was not awake to experience it, I know it when I look at them. I know it when I look at Riolu.

They would be the perfect fit.

I slowly breathe in through my nose, out of my mouth. This is it.

"I... I think you're right," I say carefully, paying attention to each of the adoption pokemon responses. Bidoof stares at me with sparkling eyes, Lotad's flower spreads even wider open and even Skarmory chances a glance at me, but quickly looks the other way.

Ellisa nods. "Then please, say your choice and be sure to give your goodbyes to the others. I will be waiting for you inside." Ellisa then turns around and leaves me along with my pokemon and the others. I sigh and crouch in front of the three pokemon anxiously awaiting my words.

"You would all be amazing fits to my team, I can feel that. And this wasn't an easy choice, so please, know that whatever I choose here, some trainer will come by that will pick you too, alright? No feeling down about it, because your time will come. I know it." I swallow before I continue. "...but I think I have chosen already."

I shift a little to look at each of them, my eyes landing and staying on the last of the three, who, for the first time this afternoon, actually looks back.

"I hope I can earn your trust, Skarmory, because you already have mine. Will you accept becoming a part of my team?"

I see the exact moment the implications of the words settle in, because small beads start the form at the corners of Skarmory's eyes. He closes them, then opens them and says, "Skar-skarmory." It sounds unsure, but hopeful.

"I take that as a yes." I smile at him. "I think you will be a perfect fit. Thank you for accepting my offer."

I look at the other two. "You are wonderful, the both of you. As I said, your moment will come, I am sure of it. Please stay safe here untill that time comes, alright?"

"Tad-tad."

"Bi-bi."

I nod at them. "May we meet again then. Goodbye for now." I give one last pat on each of their heads and turn around, heading back inside with Eevee in my arms, Riolu and Skarmory right behind me. It already feels right. It's as if this formation is how it was always supposed to be.

My smile widens.

Ellisa meets me and my pokemon in the lobby. Her eyes turn soft at the sight of Skarmory flanking on my left and Riolu on my right.

"A great choice. Do you believe me now, Skarmory? I always told you someone would see past your scars."

Ellisa leads me and my pokemon to her office and helps me in arranging the adoption. I first have to catch Skarmory to register him to my trainer ID, so Ellisa hands me a great ball. I try to refuse and use one of my own normal balls, but she insists that this comes with every adoption on Foster Island.

As long as Riolu doesn't get jealous that Skarmory gets a great ball, alright then.

I hold the ball in front of me and Skarmory steps formard and touches the button with the tip of his wing. A light engulfes him and shake, shake, shake, I caught him! I quickly release him again so he can watch me sign all the documents and papers in order to make the rest of the adoption official. Because Ellisa needs to explain more than one of the documents to me in detail, my pokemon quickly lose interest and Eevee jumps from my lap to join Riolu and Skarmory in a simple ball game on the other side of the office. I try not to be distracted too much, but... let's just say Ellisa has to explain some forms at least twice before I get it.

When all that is done, Ellisa and I set a date for Skarmory's six-month check-up and yearly physicals. Just before our meeting will come to an end, Ellisa gives me a large list of care tips in how to make sure Skarmory will be alright. It's long, but I know I'll need it. I take multiple pictures of the list, fold it and stuff it into my backpack.

After finishing up the lasts formalities, finally, Ellisa stands from behind her desk and extends her hand to me.

"I hope you and Skarmory will grow closer and closer and become the best of partners!"

I smile at her and then at Skarmory, who briefly stops to look at me too before he kicks the ball to Eevee. There is an understanding there. A promise.

"I think we will," I say, "I'll make sure of it."

#pokemon #eevee #riolu #skarmory #foster island #pokemon adoption #sky writes #my writing #story time #lotad #bidoof #new team member #sky's team #update #skarmory's adoption #i love him #pokemon rp #pokemon roleplay