#psychological numbing

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

#the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #ianthe tridentarius #augustine the first #pyrrha dve #palamedes sextus #this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate) #the locked tomb meta #the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though. #of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world #utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there #and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea #when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter #it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level' #she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him #because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing #to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after #IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival #ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god #gaining nothing at the cost of everything

[slowandsweet]

I want to feel both the beauty and the pain of the age we are living in. I want to survive my life without becoming numb. I want to speak and comprehend word of wounding without having these words becoming the landscape where I dwell. I want to possess a light touch that can elevate darkness to the realm of stars. ― Terry Tempest Williams

#psychoanalysis #psychotherapy #clinical psychology #awakening #start your process #beauty and pain #numb #survive #terry tempest willians

[soulinkpoetry]

We learn only how to numb the pain in a thousand different ways instead of facing it head on. The only way to heal is to walk through it.

.

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#numbing #dissociation #healing #pain #soulinkpoetry #poetry #thoughts #she writes #feelings #poets on tumblr #psychology #trauma

[maybe-an-aspd-angel]

#aspd thoughts #aspd feels #aspd things #actually aspd #aspd traits #psychology #life quote #quotes #mental health #quoteoftheday #sociopathy #aspd positivity #depression #numb #bipolar disorder #bpd tag #bpd problems #quiet bpd #bpd thoughts #actually borderline #borderline problems

[thetardycreative]

Thing about apathy

Baying for blood that might never come Knowing that I am numb Hoping I’ll die Because you think I care But there is no emotion there… You are ignorant if you think I could ever sink To such a point to care about that Where I’d take my life and then that is that… But the point of apathy is always this… We don’t feel or want at all… get the gist?

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#apathy #blood #care #die #emo #feel #Gothic #life #macabre #numb #poem #poetry #psychology

[butchdykekondraki]

moore is So funny because the way i talk about it on here is the complete inverse of how it actually is

#[ren] #i talk about him on here like hes a silly little guy but in reality he is actively used for psychological warfare #they put him in interrogations and make him mimic the voices of d-class back at them to break them down emotionally until their numb #it does not enjoy its line of work. it understands why its considered necessary but it does not enjoy it one bit #even if it doesnt enjoy it it does take great pride in its work. it finds it interesting that out of everything Thats what the foundation- #-decides to use it for #it figures that as long as it keeps it out of captivity then its Fine. it doesnt try to necessarily let it weigh on its concious to much #<- it tries not to think about the people it effects really #anyway i wanna throw it down a flight of stairs

[gloriousmonsters]

me at the dentist: hello this tooth is causing me unimaginable grief please take it dentist: ok you really want us to take it out me: i am giving up this tooth of my own free will it has a tiny knife and shanks me daily. please dentist: ok if you're SURE me: i am sure me, four hours after getting it pulled: where is my tooth??? where is my tooth, you Tooth Thieves? i had one that was destroying me mentally and now i don't, Where Is It-

#i know that i made the best choice that i could and i'm so looking forward to not having a daily violent toothache #but man the psychological impact of un-numbing and going 'oh that is GONE-gone' #i'm sure i'll be fine in a while just right now i'm like reckoning with reality and all that jazz #vic talks #sunflower radio hour

[swallowtail-ageha]

The devastating effects that my anxiety-induced ED left on my body and health and me SHing with needles when i was 15 suddenly leaving me because dafne said that my problems weren't as bad as hers because she got diagnosed with depression and i didn't:

#namedropping her btw i am so fucking tired of her bullshit #you dont get to invalidate me and my trauma and emotionally blackmail me by saying that if i stop accomodating you #by saying 'oooh you're doing so well it's never your fault' you're gonna commit suicide #jesus christ. i am 18. i don't have a psychology degree and i don't want to ruin my already fleeting stability #to help a person who functionally was never there for me when i was at the bottom of the barrel #and like. just because you aren't diagnosed doesnt mean you arent suffering. im probably never going to a psychiatrist #until i do something extreme because my parents are the classical italian conservatives that think of therapy as a get out scot free card #and i already have trauma regarding psychiatry #but i have issues. i have massive fucking issues and i had suicidal thoughts even before i left kindergarten because my early childhood #was fucking awful! i am pretty much emotionally numb to most of the things around me because i had to force myself to be like that #to not have daily mental breakdowns! #but of course you won't know because i have never been a fucking friend to you@ #for all the five years of our 'friendship' i was only the girl who you only approached to use as a psychologist #i have never been a person to you!

[deadprincesslivingg]

people keep saying that there’s so much to live for and places to see and people to meet. they tell me i have so much to live for and so many people care about me.

but i already knew all that.

i know im not a horrible person. i always try to be kind. i love with all my heart and while it backfires often, it doesn’t always. and i want a happy little family.

but im exhausted

im burnt

i’m done

i don’t care if it’ll get better. i really don’t bc i want it to stop all together.

but i can’t. i know my brother needs me and i’ve spent my entire life protecting him from as much pain as i could. and i’d do it all again

but that doesn’t make reality any easier

#mental illness #mental health #tw depressing stuff #depression #anxiety #bipolar #numb #pain #suffering #hope #lets be friends #options #please help #advice #psychology #actually psychotic #mentally fucked #this is insanity #insane #be kind

[mangoisms]

completed both my midterm papers ☝️ they were article critiques and one of them was based entirely in philosophy and it was sooooooooo. such a pain. cause the prof was like Well good papers in the past have been around 10 pages. IDC you can’t get me to write 10 pages on philosophy of science. especially because it’s not an experimental paper. mine turned out to be 6 which is still good but. it’s not 10. and idc

#the article was interesting. it was on feminist methods and epistemology #and critiquing the methods and epistemology of psychology and how it’s changed now vs before #but then i had to come up with my OWN critiques while also referencing our philosophy textbook #it was just the philosophy aspect that is so hard #but i think it’s pretty solid. especially for this being my first time doing something like that AND with philosophy #But the prof is really nice this sounds like he’s not but he is he’s super cool #discussions are fun but the material. at times. absolutely mind numbing #now i know shit like. popper. and kuhn. Unfortunately

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

I think in terms of logging on or logging off I’ve made the decision that I’m logging on. I’ve never had particularly good mental health but it’s always been at its best when I’ve best consistently on this funky little website keeping my little soup talks diary

#there’s definitely psychological reasoning there of like. keeping a diary or sorts? writing out and processing all of my thoughts #and feelings. and also because I am determined to be coherent making sure I explain why I feel the way I do makes it so I gotta know why #so I can’t really just jump to a conclusion or get upset without citing my sources Yknow?? #also definitely makes me go oh I’m insane for that one and so in the wrong. what’s the logical option here? #cause like. i know I type a lot and there’s gotta be a decent bit of interest to get thru some of these posts so not everyone’s gonna read #but it will make sense for those who do. and by extension the emotional little wet tissue paper heart of mine gets a crash course in logic #not to be mean to myself or anything. I’m just irritated with myself for having trauma and emotions #my life loves to be a cycle of opening up and then numbing myself to everything when it starts to hurt and then repeating #well everything hurts and it’s a toss up on what’s gonna happen rn #maybe it’ll get better! maybe it’ll get worse! it honestly depends on the first month of college. I’m placing my bets that that’s where #i make a choice. do I fix myself once and for all? do I lock my heart in a little box and tear it out of me? #we will see! not for another few months. but time sure will tell #soup talks

[aprilliouz]

#surat untuk penduka #grief #loss #numbness #kehilangan #duka cita #death #stage of grief #mindfulness #self love #psychology #my life philosophy #kontemplasi #reminder

[semercury]

Also watched alien for the first time tonight with babe and I have two observations:

1. I hated That Scene so much. Like I knew I would, but holy shit it was so so much worse than I thought it was going to be. (And that somehow makes me like it? Or at least appreciate it. It accomplished its goal. I am upset and scared.)

2. Once again, maybe the real evil residents were the corporations and their greed causing harm to the innocents along the way.

#stuff sarah says #bonus 3. jones best boy best cat best best love him cat cat cat kitty cat #also i dont feel bad about having a spoiler in 2. the movie came out in 1979 #but yeah i kept talking after about how much that scene freaked me out #and i was like i wish you could have seen my face i was just staring shell shocked at the screen #and she was like i could tell you got so quiet #it just. combined so many of my fears. and also it was just???? horrifying?? what an awful way to die #what good acting. what amazing practical effects. i feel sick and my skin is crawling and my hands feel numb #anyway forever obsessed with the paradox of horror #i babbled about it for like half an hour after but i just think horror is so cool on a psychological level

[mew-cake]

Again, I can't wait to start my job so I can be out of the house most of the day

#I'm just tired. Socially. Emotionally. Psychologically. #Grandmama is sick and has been mean (as usual) to Mama #which then gets put onto me #and what's more is Grandmama's birthday is this weekend and #I just. Can't get myself to feel anything. I'm tired. #I hate feeling this numb #the cake is a lie

[magnoliamyrrh]

wait lol. it definitely did bc did&osdd develop not only from ~severe repeted trauma before 6-8 yes old~ but from the inability to form like, an actual stable and remotely safe normal connection to a caregiver lmaoo. love that for me. psyche literally fractured from too much lovecraftian level horror and being alone throughout it all. love it love it

#me at like 4yrs already: i have enough life experience to write 10+ psychologically tormenting horror novellas already. but i cant write #..... im actually convinced that the reason i find so much comfort in horror and thrillers and etc etc is bc. its just something ive been #familiar w for a very long time. its like controlled and limited doses of fear and horror and distress #a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort etc etc #lmaoo. there really is nothing else im more familiar with than like. pain and being used and mind breaking levels of terror and fear and #like. loneliness and desperation and inevitable numbness when it all becomes too much #................. sometimes i do wonder... often actually. what allahs purpose was for all this. i suppose i should know i will never #understand.... but still... .. for what?

[poetic-memory]

Numb

Feelings need something to latch on to; that's the promise of being empty.

Feelings need something to latch on to; that's the burden of being empty.

©Melissa Cesarano 2022

#emotions #feelings #psychology #numb #emptiness #love #depression #Melissa Cesarano poetry #Melissa cesarano #spilled ink #Tumblr poets society #poem #poetry #verse #Tumblr writers #Tumblr poets