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drpoisonoaky · 4 months

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Therapy homework, fire siblings edition

Azula and Zuko have to share moments from their childhood in order to heal their relationship (therapy homework), even as they are there for each other.

In my own personal Azula’s redemption arc, Zuko is there helping her sister in the same way he got help.

So they talk about everything because they’re healing and they need to do it.

[Turtle ducks]

Zuko: I think those two are playing together.

Azula: Or they’re fighting to decide who will become the Turtle Lord.

Zuko: Don’t project your trauma onto turtle ducks.

Azula: I was not. It’s a very real and possible situation in the turtle duck world.

Zuko: I am going to ignore that because I was wondering why you hate them.

Azula: I don’t hate them.

Zuko: You threw rocks at them every time we were here.

Azula:

Zuko: What?

Azula: That we never included me, you know? It was more like “Mom and Zuko and, oh, Azula is here”.

Azula: So I guess I want my mother to give me attention, and my child brain said “Let’s make chaos”.

Zuko: Oh… I’m sorry I…I never thought about it that way.

Azula: Don’t punish yourself Zuzu. We were children. It wasn’t your job.

Zuko: But now we can feed them together, right? No rocks, only bread.

Azula: You really are a softie. It’s annoying.

Zuko: Let’s take the bread.

[Children]

Zuko: Do you want kids?

Azula: Not really. You do?

Zuko: One. Only one.

Azula: Did I traumatize you Zuzu?

Zuko: Yes, but no. If I had a kid, I want to focus on them, giving them all of my love and support. Being the Firelord and doing that for more than one child it’s impossible.

Azula: Oh, you really think about this… I hate to say it, but you would be a great dad.

Zuko: Thanks. I appreciate it. Why don't you?

Azula: First of all, it would have to be adopted, so the kid comes with baggage. And with my baggage, I probably couldn’t be there as much as the kid needs. It’s not fair to them. I can’t put the happiness of some child behind my own selfishness.

Zuko: Cool aunt?

Azula: I’m going to spoil your child so much that they’ll be as insufferable as you are.

Zuko: Of course you will.

[Fire resistance]

Katara: Hey firebenders, I have a question. Do you really resist fire better by nature or…?

Azula: Yes and no.

Zuko: I mean, look at my face.

Katara: That’s why I’m asking. Why do you resist less than ‘Zula? I swear she could be on fire and not notice.

Azula: We didn’t have the same training. Mother stopped Ozai a lot for the both of us. But when she was gone…

Zuko: I was banished when he started his fire resistance methods…

Katara: but ‘Zula don’t.

Azula: I was burned every day in every place except the face. Well, you saw the marks.

Sokka: Why not the face?

Suki: Don’t be rude.

Azula: It was because I was a princess after all, and you know we had to be pretty and perfect.

Katara: And how do you get high pain tolerance from that?

Azula: I guess some nerves died along the way or maybe my brain learned to ignore that kind of pain…I don’t know.

Azula: I hate him, but in battle it’s really useful. But yeah, don’t try it at home, kids.

Sokka: So if we try to burn your fac-

Katara: Don’t you dare, asshole.

[Crying]

Katara: Did they cry much when they were babies?

Azula: I bet Zuzu was insufferable.

Zuko: I was a pretty nice baby.

Ursa: You were nice, but you cried a lot.

Azula: See.

Ursa: And you weren't nice at all, young lady. But truth to be told, she didn’t cry.

Zuko: Lack of emotions, I see.

Azula: Not dumbass, it was for the balance between you and me.

Katara: She didn’t cry at all? What would happen if she was hungry or hurt herself?

Ursa: She just waited.

Azula: Of course I did that, crying change nothing. Plus, it wasn’t allowed.

Zuko: What do you mean?

Azula: Oh right, that was one of the points of our “educational differences”.

Ursa: Azula?

Azula:

Katara: Azula?

Azula: Fine.

Azula: Father didn’t really like the tears. He said that water isn’t something that should exist around a firebender. So I didn’t cry.

Katara: …but what if you did by any chance?

Azula, smiling sadly: He turned into my personal dryer. Goodbye tears.

Ursa: *gasp* But when you were a child he neve-

Azula: Don’t worry mother… It's not your fault.

Zuko: We should try to cry together anytime you want. As a therapy exercise, of course.

Azula: I-…thanks Zuzu.

Katara: And I hope he knows that you are around water all the time and he can’t do shit.

Azula: Of course master Katara, best master water bender of all times.

Zuko: Mom, we should go. They had started their own weird flirting thing.

Katara:

Azula:

Katara: What are you waiting for? Keep going.

[Compliments]

Aang: I know It’s none of my business, but I was wondering why some compliments make you look awkward but on the opposite sides. *Points at Azula and Zuko*

Zuko: What do you mean?

Aang: Like Azula takes it so well when we say something nice about her bending or her looks but she’s weird when it’s not about that. And you get so weird when we compliment your looks or your bending. Like a yin and yang kinda thing.

Azula: Easy. I was praised for everything Zuko isn’t.

Aang: What do you mean?

Azula: I’m a prodigy and a princess. Being an excellent firebender and looking pretty at the same time is or was my job. Zuzu is a mediocre firebender, under Father’s eyes, and he burned half of his face.

Zuko: And ‘Zula never was praised for being anything else.

Aang: But that’s awful.

Azula: I didn’t need to be anything apart from that, Zuko was banished. That’s life.

Sokka: No, it’s not. Your father it’s a piece of shit.

Katara: And I hope we never see him again. No offense.

Azula and Zuko: None taken.

[Giving Affection]

Katara, fidgeting with the hem of her tunic: I don’t know if it’s awkward to ask you that.

Zuko: …Go on.

Katara: Okay, so when you get out of the fire nation. Do you flinch?

Zuko: …Did I flinch?

Katara: General affection.

Zuko: Not really. My mother used to hug me a lot and you know Iroh.

Katara: …and who hugged Azula?

Zuko: Mom before disappearing, I guess? Me on some special days. I don’t know if our father ever did that.

Azula: Neither of them. Did you go to Zuzu to get information about me?

Katara: I want to know “your background” from another point of view.

Azula: I hate that that is a logical move. But to answer that, maybe Ty Lee was the only one. And you know Mai.

Zuko: Didn’t Mom hug you?

Azula: Do you remember that little detail that mother hated me?

Zuko: She didn’t ha-

Azula: Don’t. Please. We already passed that point.

Katara: So it’s decided.

Azula: What?

Katara: I’m now your personal koala, whether you want it or not. Come here.

Azula: But you do more things…

Zuko: And that’s my cue to get out of here.

[Education]

Aang: Wait, really, you know it all?

Azula: Of course, it was part of my education. I need to know history, especially anything related to war, but knowledge is knowledge.

Aang: But Zuko didn’t know anything about the Air Nomads' history.

Azula: We didn’t have the same education.

Zuko: Basically because Azula is a nerd.

Azula: Excuse me.

Zuko: After you did your homework, you started to read about everything, especially history. That’s why.

Aang: So she's more prepared than you.

Azula: I am. While Zuzu cried, I trained or focused on my studies. Time is gold in war.

Katara: You didn’t rest?

Azula: Not really, but sometimes I needed to rest in order to continue.

Zuko: No you don’t. You can’t count that as resting.

Aang: What, why?

Zuko: It’s not my call. Sorry. But you should explain it ‘Zula.

Katara: Azula?

Azula: What Zuzu means is that the “rest days” weren’t really optional.

Aang: Oh, they force you to rest?

Azula: Not exactly…I have to rest because I couldn’t move. Training wasn’t always…educational.

Zuko: Call it what it was. That shitty excuse of man made us fight against him and beat us until we faint.

Aang: Spirits.

Zuko: And I guess me being gone didn’t make him less reckless…

Azula: Quite the opposite…that’s why learning was fun.

Azula: But anyways Zuzu you should learn that so from now on I’m going to teach you history, physics and math. Be aware.

Zuko: Only if we take rest days. Real ones.

Azula: Don’t be lazy.

[Wake up time]

Katara: I can’t beat Azula.

Sokka: But you did remember…Oh, spirits, don’t tell me is a dirty-

Katara: NO.

Katara: Also not in that way, dummy. I can’t get up earlier than her. It's like every time I wake up early and say “Wow, today I really got up early” she’s already awake and meditating or something.

Ty lee: I tried for a week. Then I got tired.

Mai: It’s a losing battle. You can’t beat them.

Katara: Wait, does Zuko also wake up early?

Mai: Every day, like if he makes the sun or something.

Azula, arriving from sparring with Zuko: Talking behind my back isn’t new, but still hurts a little.

Zuko: Same.

Katara: Why do you wake up so early? Both of you.

Azula, raising an eyebrow: Why do you ask?

Zuko: Why do you wake up so late?

Katara: Don’t answer a question with a question. Both of you don’t know the concept of oversleeping or even slacking. Why?

Zuko: What are you ta-…Oh.

Zuko: Lala, do you remember the “If you wake up after the sun…

Azula: …how do you pretend to use his flames”.

Katara: Oh no.

Mai:

Ty lee: That jerk.

Zuko: So we have to stop.

Azula: I’m going to knock myself out every morning, I swear.

Zuko: Same.

Katara: Or instead of me waking up next to my unconscious girlfriend, you could try not getting out of bed.

Zuko: You mean stay in bed until the sun is up so we can train later?

Katara: I mean yeah. At least until you wake up like a regular human being.

Sokka: But that would imply they are regular human beings and we-AH STOP.

Azula, shooting little lightning at him: Sorry what?

Zuko, burning his butt: We are having difficulties hearing you.

Sokka: KATARA HELP YOU BROTHER.

Katara, ignoring Sokka and talking to Mai and Ty lee: So you two also like to wake up late?

Sokka: KATARA.

Ty lee: Yes, but it doesn’t fit the Kyoshi Warriors’ lifestyle. And that makes Suki angry with me, a lot.

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brigdh · 6 months

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I was thinking more about how Stede doesn't really have an arc this season (see my previous criticism here), and I've decided that what I would have loved to see was Stede actively attempting to court Ed.

Now, we did get a little of this in the first few episodes: Stede's letters in 2x01 are great, I love his attempting to track Ed down via a crime-map in 2x02, and of course the "I'll never leave you. I'll never leave again" speech at the end of 2x03 is fantastic. But once Stede and Ed are both in the same location and conscious, there's really nothing. Stede just hangs around, waiting for Ed to figure himself out, or take the lead, or something, I don't know, but Stede's certainly doesn't take any action to progress their relationship himself. He's such a static character in the second half of S2.

But! Imagine instead the arc where Stede is actively trying to romance Ed! I don't need him to be good at it; it's probably a better character arc if he isn't, in fact. Maybe he comes on way too strong at first and this is why Ed asks him to slow down, until Ed can figure out what he's doing about his own guilt/violence/identity/daddy issues (maybe Ed can actually figure out something about his guilt/violence/identity/daddy issues). Maybe Stede's entire conception of romance comes from poetry and novels and it hits a hard skid when he tries it out in reality. Maybe there are cultural clashes between how pirates approach one another and how the landed upper class does it. The exact way Stede fails doesn't really matter, because the point is that Stede is trying something, and fucking it up, and trying again, and growing as he does so, learning more about what the relationship between him and Ed needs and who they are as people.

This also could have been a really interesting arc for Stede internally. Throw in a couple of flashbacks to Stede courting Mary, to make a parallel between how he acted then and how he's acting now with Ed. If it's beyond the budget to fly Claudia O'Doherty to New Zealand or she's busy or something, give Stede a random other lady or two he approached as a young man – ones who obviously refused to accept his hand. Excellent! Now there's even more weight to him getting it right this time with Ed, when he's never managed to get someone to like him before! Or give young Stede an intense friendship with another young man that went wrong, and back then he didn't understand, but now he can look back and be like, 'oh I guess that wasn't as platonic as I thought'. (Personally, this would be my favorite option, but I know Jenkins & co said they didn't want to write a coming-out story, so maybe they'd have been less interested in this one. Fine, but I want it! 🥳 ) I think you could do this without taking up a lot of screentime – I doubt all the scenes we got of Ed's childhood add up to five minutes in total, but we got plenty of information from those three glimpses.

It would also make sense for Stede to discuss the issue with the crew, which gives the show a chance to flesh out their role a little more, another thing the season could have used. If he asks Lucius, what Lucius responds and how he reacts could help to develop the Lucius/Pete relationship. Similarly, if Stede turned to Olu or Jim, we could have heard more about Jim/Archie or Olu/Zheng or any combination of the four. Or any of the crew! What kind of relationship advice does Frenchie give? Roach? This also could have intersected with Ed's redemption arc nicely: which are the crew are willing to put aside their anger at Ed to help Stede (and them doing so would give more credence to Izzy's speech about them being family and loving Ed at the end)? Who isn't willing, and tries to deliberately sabotage their relationship for revenge, and how do Stede and/or Ed react to that?

Overall, I think such an arc could have fit the show's themes of masculinity and toxicity really well. There's so much about dating and pick-up lines and romance that reflects on gender – there are expectations of who should be aggressive vs receptive, flowery vs crude, prudish vs too fast, gifts as a sign of love vs gifts as obligation... it's endless. Obviously the season wouldn't have time to explore all these angles, but I list them as a sign of how many directions they could have taken this topic in. Ultimately it all comes down to: Who does Stede want to be as a partner? And who does Ed want him to be? And that would be so strong as a direction to go in, even if we didn't get final answers to the questions! At least they would be asking them.

But instead we got a vision of a mermaid and never explored who Stede is in reality. :(

#ofmd meta #our flag means death #stede bonnet #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #ofmd season 2 #ofmd critical #(for real this time unlike my last post)

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astridthevalkyrie · 2 months

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so idk how mha is gonna end but obviously the moral of the story we’re going for here is that everyone deserves to be saved and heroism is about saving people no matter what. that’s great! i’m guessing some or all of the league is going to survive and be put into some kind of rehabilitation center (toga and spinner seem the most likely to me for now but who knows). and i’m fine with that i like the overall message of it.

but how are they going to deal with the fallout from the league’s victims? i get the feeling that they’re not, or it’ll be a one-off like “some ppl were upset we didn’t jail or kill the villains but the heroes calmed them down” or something like that. i mean. whoever in the LOV it is would have to show remorse eventually, for one thing, for them to be any different than the corrupt hero system. but even then, all the families of whoever machia trampled on during the war arc, are they just gonna be cool with this? mind you I don’t think that anyone in the LOV should be killed or jailed rather than rehabilitated, but i wonder if the show is going to bring up that anyone who dabi or toga killed won’t get a second chance. they won’t get rehabilitated, they’re just gone. how are their families and friends going to deal with what society deems as an appropriate punishment for them?

i think this message also could’ve been conveyed better if we had more prominent “corrupt” heroes aside from endeavor and hawks. the top ten minus them and the irrelevant guy who retired after the war arc are all portrayed narratively as good people. iida’s brother is attacked by stain for no real reason at all aside from not being all might. all might’s heroism ends up being bad for society overall yeah, but so much of that is because of who toshinori is as a person rather than hero society (which does play a part but if toshinori just hadn’t pushed himself to be the best and number one savior for everyone there wasn’t necessarily any society forcing him to until after he’d already showed them he could do it).

PLUS the existence of afo offsets this message. everyone can be saved…..besides the real super evil people?? if, and I’m not saying they do, shigaraki and afo had the same kill count, is the lack of a sad childhood the only thing that makes afo beyond redemption? i mean he might not be gone gone if he’s still inside shigaraki’s mind or whatever, but that doesn’t change the fact that the heroes were trying to kill him too. narratively, why was all might in the right for killing him all those years ago when hawks was in the wrong for killing twice? because twice was kinder? because twice was neurodivergent??

mha also a little bit contradicts itself because. hero society is exposed post war arc. civilians have every right to be mad that their current number one is an abuser and that the heroes failed and couldn’t protect them. but theeeen, we have ochako’s speech in which she yells at scared civilians that “the heroes are the ones who are getting dirty!” which is like. yeah. they are. but during and post the war arc civilians also very much died. i feel for izuku but at first glance if someone promised you a safe haven from being attacked and then said oh never mind we’re actually going to bring the one guy shigaraki can absolutely track and hunt down here because he’s tired of fighting, getting upset with that is not totally unreasonable.

and I get that civilians are supposed to get mad at heroes for being corrupt, but not for failing, because heroes should never have been put up on such a high pedestal. they should be seen as humans who are as fallible as everyone else. that doesn’t change the fact the average innocent person would be rightfully scared, because it’s not just the heroes who are getting dirty. people are getting attacked. the heroes are not saving everyone. they shouldn’t have to and there’s no way they realistically can, but picking and choosing which aspects of hero society people are allowed to criticize feels…meh. if there’s gonna be fallout, fallout that endeavor and hawks if not the rest deserve, there should be proper fallout.

i don’t think the UA kids should be treated as full-fledged heroes because they’re not, but their age should not be the one thing that makes them better than the current heroes. they’re liable to the same mistakes and the same fallings. or they would be had they not all been portrayed from the beginning as one big happy hopeful crowd who just wanna save the day! there was opportunity to show who was in it for the right and wrong reasons and somehow ochako who has been so poorly written for several seasons actually had the most relevant arc (besides bakugo) about being in the hero business for the right reasons. ochako should have interned with hawks ochako should have interned with hawks ochako should have interned with there should’ve been more students in it for the glory, for the money, for the fame, but even monoma from class b and mineta are apparently true heroes! is being a high schooler all it takes??

anyway this is all jumbled and a mess but mha should’ve made hero society far more corrupt to justify its dismantling is my point. right now we’re getting a vibe of “the heroes are just as bad as the villains if they don’t save them too” and that’s just like. objectively not true. if hawks was supposed to be an assassin for hire for the hero commission, we should’ve seen him kill people aside from the guy who could’ve turned the tides of the war, at the very least actually kill best jeanist to finish his mission. if toga wanted to preach about how the heroes are just as bad because they killed jin, it falls flat when she’s on machia’s back stomping on people and then killing an old lady to talk to ochako. the heroes should try to save everyone including the villains because that’s what heroism is, but they are not equally as bad as the villains for trying to stop the villains.

the hero commission in general is just like afo, a vague villain we can blame so that we don’t have to blame the underlings. if people discriminate against animal quirks we should’ve seen it way earlier with shoji and tsu and tokoyami, maybe really expanded on it once mirko and hawks and even the dog cop were introduced. if sooo many heroes were in this for the wrong reasons, where are they? the current “failings” of the hero system are all might, endeavor, hawks, lady nagant and bakugo. everyone else is fine! there was a chance to show that someone like mount lady isn’t a real hero because she only cares about fame. there was a chance to show that aizawa is a good hero compared to others because he doesn’t try and seek glory. but these points are only halfway done and then kinda left there.

#mha manga spoilers #mha #anti mha #<- not really but tagging it in case #mha critical

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picturejasper20 · 3 days

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I usually don't make these type of posts but i have recently seen some of my Danny Phantom mutuals (mainly Vlad Masters/Plasmius mutuals) reblogging fanart from a user called @/ taptrial2 (They have a Gravity Falls Mabel icon as pfp)

This post isn't intended to be a callout against this person nor i don't want anyone to attack them. But i have noticed that they have said some... peculiar things about Vlad's character and Vlad's fans specially, that i think others should know about:

They have made posts expressing their distaste for Vlad's redemption arc in A Glitch in Time, saying they want Vlad's character to ¨get worse¨. Seeing is ¨surreal¨ how the Danny Phantom is ¨happy about Vlad getting a redemption arc¨.

....This ignores how this trope or idea of Vlad getting redemmed or having a redemption arc is thing that has been for years in the fandom. This includes Dan Phantom having a redemption arc as well. So, yeah, it does makes sense for a lot of the fandom to like his redemption arc considering it is more or less a popular fan trope.

They said that Danny shouldn't help ghosts and ¨let him kill instead¨. .... I don't know what to comment about this, specially considering that ghosts are beings/ manifestations of emotions of people who were once alive...

Saying that people who like Vlad ¨too much¨ should be avoided and calling Vlad Masters fans ¨creeps¨ (in spite they really seem to like Vlad but i guess liking Vlad ¨too much¨ means people wishing him to be redemmed and make up for his actions) (Also ignores how a lot of us Vlad fans don't like Pompous pep and have been vocal about it)

This is their opinion and that's fine, but this also seems to miss the point that the reason of why people dislike this episode so much is because it goes against Vlad's previously established characterization that he became a villain because of the proto-accident and not that he was ¨always naturally evil¨. Human! Vlad being so abusive to Maddie and lying to her goes against a lot of previous characterization and he comes off as more shallow character, again that's why so many Vlad's fans hate it.

Taptrial seems to have a bit of obsession with Vlad ¨getting worse¨ and ¨suffer more and more¨. Now i don't totally disagree with this idea because i have talked about ¨breaking down¨ Vlad before myself. But they have this specific idea that Vlad has to suffer and get worse.

There are other things they have said but to do a summary:

It seems they hate Vlad's character in a way (?) and want for him to ¨suffer¨. They seem to ignore Vlad's complexities as villain and as character and what motivates him. In general they seem to want Vlad be only as ¨evil¨, which clashes a lot with how Vlad fans usually talk about his character.

They seem to believe that there is a specific way you have to ¨like Vlad¨, and that seems to be only seeing him as evil and irredeemable. If you like him ¨too much¨ (maybe have a crush on him or think he can be redemmed) you are likely ¨a creep¨ (Because liking characters equals morality of a person i guess)

They seem to not have a certain idea of how the Phandom works in general or are quite unfamiliar with DP fandom tropes. This wouldn't usually be a problem but if it weren't for certain things they say, that i previously mentioned.

They seem to be against the idea of redemption arcs or enemies not potrayed as totally evil (like ghosts being driven by emotions and Danny and others helping them instead of attacking them)

Again, this post isn't meant for anyone to go and attack this user nor it is meant to be a callout. I don't want anyone to leave hate comments or hate anons to them. That isn't the intention.

The point of this post is that i want mutuals and other people know the opinions this person has that you are reblogging from and certainly i don't want anyone to be accused by this person of something they are not for liking Vlad, Dan or any other character ¨too much¨ or whatever among those lines.

#danny phantom #danny phantom a glitch in time #Vlad masters #vlad plasmius

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starcanwrecked-confessions · 12 days

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Personally I do believe Max could have potentially been redeemed (COULD HAVE, not automatically would have, there’s a difference) had he survived the Waylon place. Yes, I realize he’s a horrible person who intentionally and maliciously torments others, but that’s what makes a possible redemption arc so compelling to me. I don’t believe anybody is 100% good or bad and anybody can change if they’re willing to put in the effort - and to me, his reaction to the prank shows that he is capable of being nicer and at least open to changing his mindset (that’s my reading, others will have different interpretations and that’s totally fine). Would he change overnight if he even did? Realistically, no, but I think if you lean into the absurdity of Hatchetfield and the over the top + morally grey nature of all the characters in it even a more rushed redemption can work (saw a post about that awhile back and I’ve been thinking about it ever since).

I don’t think putting him through a redemption arc and having him become nicer as a result is quite the same thing as mischaracterization or “woobifying/uwuifying” - I guess it is in the sense that it departs from his canon characterization and makes him softer but if you give him character development in a fan work, of course he’s going to change. And it’s not like it’s completely out of left field - again, he at least showed potential for it in canon, even if it was extremely brief. Also, I and most other people in the “Max could’ve been redeemed” camp are well aware that whatever’s going on in his home life isn’t an excuse for his behavior - exploring what’s going on in his life and how it might influence him isn’t the same thing as saying it justifies what he does or it’s the only reason behind it.

I completely respect if someone doesn’t think he would’ve been redeemed, but I don’t think it’s totally fair to say that everyone who thinks he’s redeemable and explores that possibility in fanworks is mischaracterizing him or doesn’t understand his character - I think it’s more of a case of differing interpretations and that’s totally fine! At the end of the day none of us know what would’ve happened if he survived the Waylon place because he didn’t, he died and came back wrong (but iconic. I love the asshole villain he is in canon too, I just also love him for the silly goober I think he could’ve been if he had the chance).

~~~

#confession #starkid #hatchetfield #max jägerman

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everlastingdreams · 5 months

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The Weeping Monk x Reader : Born In The Dawn Chapter 21

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Story Summary: Locked inside a dark room in a dungeon, kept alive only for your power, you believed you’d never see the daylight again. That is until the Weeping Monk finds his way down and steals you from your captors. It is the beginning of a journey that leads you through hardship and newfound hope, but nothing is assured in a world that is changing for the Fey. The magic that runs in your veins is drawing out the worst the world has to offer, does it include the man who pulled you from the dark?

Chapter Title: The Court Of Dawn

Notes: Gonna play the crinch this year I guess?

Warnings: Grief. Violence. Torture. Sexual Assault. Rape Threat. Gore. Enemies To Lovers. Pining. Trauma. Flagellation. Manipulation. Strong Language. Blood. Gore?. Misogyny. PTSD. Spicy and smut parts. Slight redemption arc.

Other warnings: Jealousy. Forbidden Love. Romance. Slow-burn…

Word count of this fic: +190K

Chapter: 21/ It’s a secret.

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The path to climb the hill came to an end. First you brought the horses to the stables that were located outside the curtain walls that surrounded the fort, then walked up to the large gate.

Those on the curtain walls, who watched over the grounds surrounding it, must have recognized you. A familiar voice was calling out your name in pure joy moments alter.

Your cousin darted under the raised portcullis to run to you, he must have seen you approach from his window.

You ran up to meet him half-way. “Ciro!”

Ciro crashed into your arms as you dropped down to your knees, overwhelmed by the reunion.

“You’re back!” He had his arms tightly around you.

You leaned back to look at him. “I’ve missed you! Gods, you’ve grown so much!”

Matthew was right, Ciro was almost as tall as Squirrel.

And the first thing Ciro noticed next was Squirrel.

You got up from the ground and introduced your cousin to the others while gesturing to them. “Ciro, this is Lancelot and Squirrel.”

Politely Ciro offered a hand to Squirrel to shake.

Squirrel blurted out, “You’re short.”

Lancelot nudged the boy’s arm to scold him for it. “Be polite.”

Squirrel gave an apologetic look at Ciro and did shake his hand.

Ciro was quite interested in Squirrel, “Is that your knife?”

He pointed at the knife Squirrel had gotten from you and Squirrel nodded.

“Whoa.” Ciro sounded impressed.

The children began a full conversation on knives, bows and swords.

And you decided to let them continue while you all headed to the fort. Passing the courtyard, you noticed men in armor that you didn’t recognize.

Matthew stopped right outside the door of the fort that would lead into the entrance hall. “I would love to walk with you further, but you know your father isn’t very keen on me and I don’t want to make it worse.”

It was better if there weren’t many around when your father got into a foul mood, “It’s fine. I know how he is. Maybe I’ll see you later?

The Sky Man liked that prospect. “I would love that.”

You almost couldn’t believe how different he looked at you now, in a way he had not done before you had left home.

Before he walked away, he took hold of your hand and kissed your knuckles.

You were flabbergasted while watching him walk away.

“He kissed me…”

Lancelot corrected it, sounding a bit irritated. “He kissed your hand.”

Ciro whispered something to Squirrel and it caused them both to giggle.

You glared a little at the Ash Man. “Well, he’s never done it before.”

“Not with you.” It slipped from him.

Regret followed instantly when he realized how it could come across.

Ouch…

“Thank you, for rubbing that in.” You quietly hissed and bumped into his arm while heading to the door.

Squirrel shook his head, disappointed once again at the Ash Man’s poor communication skills when it came to you.

It was true, Matthew was the flirtatious kind and until now, you had not been on the receiving end of it.

Still, Lancelot knew it was a sensitive thing for you and then responded like this…

As you walked into the building and through the entrance hall, Squirrel said something to Lancelot that you couldn’t hear.

You got halfway through the hall when your wrist was caught by the Ash Man.

“What?” You almost snapped it at him.

The otherwise brave man’s courage fled away, “I was discourteous. Forgive me.”

You barely managed to hide how upsetting it was to be reminded that Matthew had ignored you for so long until now.

The Ash Man could tell that you were more hurt than angry, he lowered his voice so the boys would not hear. “I do not want you to be hurt by someone, who had so long to see the person that you are, and was still foolish enough to reject you. I only question his motives for his flattery now.”

Was that it? Was he just looking out for you?

It also sounded like he was complimenting your character and it made you feel better, “You can be quite sweet if you’re not being a boor, you know that?”

He did not even hear the insult after seeing that small smile grow on your lips.

Squirrel’s eyes darted between you and the Ash Man a couple of times.

Ciro took an audible breath, a habit of his when nervous, and it made you look around to see what had caused it.

There, at the end of the hall stood your mother Mirena. It was like time had stopped, she had not aged a day.

“Mother…” Your voice had no strength in it.

Her heels hit the tiles and grew louder in your ears the closer she got.

Your whole body felt like it had frozen solid as a rock.

“Y/n…” A tear began to roll down her cheek when she was only a few steps away.

Mirena wrapped her arms around you in a loving embrace.

“I thought I had lost you forever.” She was crying tears of joy.

The embrace wrung your own tears out, it had been so long…

“I’m sorry.” You tried to muffle your own sobs into her shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

She leaned back and cradled your face in her hands. “All that matters is that you’re home with us again.”

Your heart hurt to hear it. “He said I would never be welcomed back-”

Mirena would not hear of it. “Your father can be a boor sometimes, but your absence broke his heart even if he won’t admit to it.”

“But…” You began.

She interrupted your doubts. “He only said it because he was so afraid of losing you that he had used the threat to try and get the idea of leaving out off your head. He never thought you would be as stubborn as he was, none of us did.”

Mirena kept brushing your cheeks with her hands, as if you were an apparition, “Where did you go, my Little Moon?”

You did not want to tell her off your imprisonment, it would only hurt her.

“I helped our people. Like the Hidden asked of me.” You felt some pride over following what your heart believed was right.

She shared that pride in here eyes, then glanced over at the ones you had brought, “I believe introductions are in order. Who did you bring along?”

She let go off you and you introduced them to her.

“This is Lancelot and Squirrel.” You whispered to her. “Squirrel’s real name is Percival, but he likes to be called ‘Squirrel’.”

Mirena went up to the boy first and lovingly put a finger under his chin, “You are precious. Are you Sky Folk?”

Squirrel’s cheeks turned pink at the compliment. “Yes.”

Then her eyes went to Lancelot, “Are you Fey, Lancelot?”

Lancelot was polite. “I am.”

“What kind?” She inquired.

His eyes went to yours, clearly asking what would be best to say.

“Ash Folk.” You answered for him.

Her eyes went wide and she looked at you incredulous. “The Ash Folk have been gone for centuries.”

You found it quite amusing to hear how she wanted to scold you for telling the truth. “Mother, he is.”

She stared at him a little and kindly asked, “Is that why you wear the veil?”

He slowly nodded. “The mark of my people, I have tainted it with my actions. Therefore I must hide them.”

Mirena was never afraid to chase the truth and she lifted her hands up to touch the veil, “May I?”

You held your breath but gave a little nod when Lancelot looked your way.

He reached up and removed the veil for her.

Mirena had taken a few steps back and took hold of your arm to move you behind her. “Ciro, come here!”

Even when a sword was at your side, she still put herself between you and what she assumed was ‘danger’.

Ciro stayed at Squirrels side, not understanding what was happening.

You put a hand on Mirena’s arm. “Mother, please. I know what you think, but Lancelot will not hurt us.”

“That’s the Weeping Monk!” She said with fear struck eyes.

You could see the Ash Man’s sorrowful response to the title. “He was. And then he saved me and Squirrel. He fought for us, mother. We’d be dead without him.”

She repeated in disbelief, “He fought for you?”

You left out the part where he had been the one to capture you in the first place, it would not help you now. “Squirrel and I were held captive by paladins. Lancelot fought and killed Trinity Guards to save us, he helped me when I got bitten by a wolf.”

Her fear for him vanished when she heard it, “You got bitten by a wolf?!”

Of course that would distracted her.

You pleaded with her to be open minded towards the Ash Man. “On our way here, yes. Please, mother, Lancelot is a good man. Father Carden stole a Fey child from our people and forced him to become what we so feared. Don’t let the Church win, the Ash Folk is not a legend, they are real. He is real, he is here, with us and for us.”

Mirena narrowed her eyes at him, “Why did you bring him here?”

You told her the truth. “He wanted to know for certain that this place is safe for Squirrel and I.”

She seemed surprised that he cared for such a thing. “Helio will not be happy with his presence.”

That was something you both agreed on. “Father will have to bring it up with the Hidden then. The old gods refused to let me leave him to die and as it turns out, I believe he is the summoner of the Ash Folk.”

Mirena looked Lancelot in the eye, “You hear the Hidden?”

“Sadly.” He deadpanned, then quickly said. “I do.”

Her expression changed. “Gods, he is as happy with it as you are.”

Well, she wasn’t wrong about that. Neither of you were stoked to be chosen as summoners.

Mirena looked at him for a moment longer, “Are you certain you wish for your father to find out who you’ve brought here?”

You went to stand beside the Ash Man. “Lancelot insists on meeting you both. We’d like for Squirrel to have a safe place to stay.”

“I’ll get to live in a castle?” Squirrel asked excitedly.

Ciro seemed rather excited with the possibility too, “Can he, aunt Mirena?”

Mirena answered honestly. “We will have to see what your uncle says about this, Ciro.”

She sighed a little, then beckoned for you to walk with her. “Things have changed since you left, Little Moon. Your father has been knighting others in who he sees potential.”

That wasn’t something you had expected. “But he has forsaken knighthood.”

Mirena explained what had caused the change. “He changed when you left. Your strong will and determination to help the Fey must have inspired him to do the same in his own way.”

“Why is he knighting others?” You questioned his motivation behind it.

She opened a door for you. “We need knights if we want to keep the growing population under control. More and more Fey find their way here, there has to be rules and order or we risk chaos.”

You concluded. “A kingdom without a king.”

She spoke of it a little lighthearted. “But with a Knight Commander who rules as one.” She stopped at the door that led into what had once been the great hall of the Dawn court. “He’s in here, talking to some of the knights. Let me talk to him first?”

Ah, yes. Mirena had often offered to talk to your father first to take on the first wave of his angry responses. It had been so since childhood when you misbehaved.

“Thank you.” You smiled when she touched your arm, and held your breath when she walked into the room alone.

Ciro shared a grimace, knowing how his uncle could respond to news such as this, “Do you think he’ll be very angry?”

It was to be expected, considering this time you did not bring a wild animal home, but the former Weeping Monk…

And just like with those wild animals you brought home as a child, you also would prefer to keep the Ash Man around, even if you were too proud to admit it to him yet.

A voice like thunder came from past the door, followed by multiple other ones who did not sound happy.

Ciro tugged at your arm, “Will aunt Mirena be alright?”

Your father wasn’t an easy man, but he’d never put a hand on your mother, and she was perfectly capable to face the storm that was his mood.

“She’s alright, Ciro. Nothing my father says can send her running.” You reassured him.

Squirrel had planted his ear and hands against the door to listen in, but there were too many voices inside to eavesdrop.

Lancelot seemed as concerned as Ciro was upon hearing the anger in your father’s voice.

You reassured him as well. “You once called me a combative woman.”

The Ash Man bit his tongue, recalling that he had indeed called you such.

“Guess were I inherited that from…” You smirked.

Squirrel heard the soft voice of Mirena in the thunder of voices, never once did she raise hers, and it was still strong enough to silence the storm for a moment each time. When the boy heard her heels getting closer to the door, he quickly went to stand behind Lancelot with Ciro.

Mirena opened the door for you to enter. “I told him you are here, and who is with you.”

The sympathetic look she send Lancelot said it all.

She took you by the arm and guided you inside, Lancelot took hold of Squirrel’s shoulder to keep him near.

Your father, Helio, was conversing with a group of Feys, the whole room fell silent when you entered.

Mirena held onto your arm a little longer, sensing the tenseness in it. “Don’t be afraid. Go to him.”

You could only nodded and forced your feet to walk forward.

All of them were armed with a suit and wearing armor, as if it was back in the days of the Dawn king. They must be the knights Mirena had spoken off, and all were watching Lancelot like a hawk, all but Helio.

“Father.” You greeted him and felt your courage threaten to leave you.

He was his usual stern self. “We hear nothing of you for months, and now you return like nothing has happened.”

You had left without their knowledge that day, it had been cowardly but it was the only way to ensure he would not have prevented it.

And yet you were still to prideful to admit it had been so. “You told me not to return if I left.”

The knights looked at him, curious to see how their Knight Commander would react to it.

Helio came closer. “Of course I told you that! I thought it would get the idea out of your head!”

His thundering voice made your eyes snap to the floor.

You still stood behind your motivation for leaving. “It didn’t! I wasn’t going to stay here while I could be out there saving people! The Hidden was telling me to save them and they haunted my dreams until I left! Wasn’t that what you wanted? For me to serve the Hidden?!”

The rant ignited his anger. “I wanted my daughter home and safe! To hell with what the old gods want with you!”

The room fell eerily silent.

Before you had left, they had wanted you to accepted the Hidden’s offer as summoner. But now it seemed like your father had not expected that it would mean losing his child to it.

It confused you. “But you were so angry and disappointed when I refused to become a summoner.”

He stopped right in front of you. “I thought becoming a summoner would give you the power to always be safe. Tell me, now that you have followed their will, were you safe?”

You wanted to take a step back as you felt your eyes start to sting.

All you could do was shake your head slightly, giving him his answer.

Even he knew that if you refused to speak, it must have been something terrible. “I have put too much pressure on you…”

He finally realized the mistake he had made back then, the one your mother had tried to warn him for a thousand times.

“I survived.” You brought out.

Helio put a hand to your shoulder. “Surviving is not living. I want my daughter to live, whether she is a summoner or not.”

Mirena stepped forward. “Dear, tell her she is welcome here.”

He gave a nod and looked at you. “Always.”

A weight fell from your shoulders now that you were welcomed home again.

Helio looked over your shoulder. “I cannot say the same for one of the guests you have brought along.”

You didn’t have to think long to know who he was talking about.

He moved past you and approached Squirrel first, considering he and Ciro stood close-by next to Mirena now, while Lancelot stayed at a safe distance.

Helio came close to Squirrel, “What is your name, young one?”

The young Fey knight held his head high. “Squirrel.”

It caused a frown on your father’s face, “Is that the name you were given?”

Squirrel was visibly thinking for a second, then said. “My real name is Percival.”

It was a rare occurrence for the boy to be open about his real name, perhaps he had grown to like it after it being used by Lancelot.

Helio looked at the knife that sat across Squirrel’s chest, “Where are your parents, Percival?”

It took the boy a moment to reply. “Dead.”

Helio shared a look with Mirena.

You told him why you had brought the boy here. “Lancelot and I wanted to find a place where Squirrel can be safe.”

Your father looked towards Lancelot for a second, it was not a nice look…

Mirena went to stand behind Squirrel and held his shoulders, “He is welcome here, is he not, Helio?”

He agreed on the statement. “The boy may stay.”

The joy in you was short lived, because your father approached Lancelot and drew his sword.

The knights in the room discreetly put their hands near their swords as well.

Surprisingly, Lancelot kept his hand away from his sword, often he would rest it there but now he must have known that it was a bad idea to do so.

You feared what your father would do and hurried to Lancelot’s side before your father got close.

Helio sure did not like to see how quick you were to run to his aid, he addressed him directly. “You… I should kill you were you stand!”

Mirena kept the children at a distance in case it got out off control.

You stepped in front of the Ash Man like a shield when your father took a threatening step closer, and felt the Ash Man put a hand on your waist.

He was ready to pull you out of harm’s way if needed be.

The Dawn Man’s eyes spewed fire in his direction, much like yours once had.

“Kill him and you will never see me again!” You meant every word of the threat.

Helio saw the hand of the enemy on his daughter and his eyes darkened. “Just because you are Ash Folk, does not mean you are one of us! The village below would love to get their hands on the one responsible for having to flee their homes!”

He had expected the ill-response and yet it still cut into him far worse than a blade ever could.

“Father, he saved Squirrel and I! He killed Trinity Guards-” You tried to reason.

Helio was furious. “You are protecting the Weeping Monk!”

You stood your ground. “The Hidden forced me to save him! They want him to live!”

He would not hear of it. “He is as bad as the Reaper is!”

You snapped back at him. “He is nothing like the Reaper! I met the Reaper and Lancelot risked his neck to keep me out of the Reaper’s hands!”

Silence fell so sudden that it felt uncomfortable.

“What did you say?” Helio asked in disbelief.

Your mother looked close to tears.

Maybe it was time to explain what had happened. “I was kept at a paladin camp that was under the command of Father Carden, the paladins did not even know that Lancelot was Fey. Only Father Carden knew because he stole Lancelot from the Fey as a child to raise him into a weapon against our kind. One day, the Reaper came and used a knife to cut my skin to see if I was Dawn Folk. Lancelot stepped between us.”

“The Reaper knows of your existence…” Helio took a step back. “He’ll hunt you.”

Mirena held the children closer while processing the news.

You hated to think of it. “Lancelot is nothing like him.”

Helio thought for a moment, then came to the harsh conclusion. “We cannot trust him. If he goes back to the Church… he knows too much.”

He gave the sudden command to the knights. “Seize him!”

“What? NO!” You refused to step aside when they got closer. “Father, please!”

Two of the knights pulled you away while the others surrounded Lancelot.

He wasn’t even fighting them… as if he accepted his fate.

Helio told the Ash Man of his judgment. “You will live out your days in darkness down in the dungeon. Where you will not be able to harm another soul ever again.”

“Father!” You snapped and tried to elbow a knight in the chest.

Helio would hear no excuses. “Be glad I do not give him to the village!”

You were ready to object again.

Lancelot stopped you from doing so and presented himself as willing to obey the chosen punishment, “It is alright, y/n. You and Percival are safe, that is all that matters.”

Squirrel broke free from Mirena and ran over to Lancelot, too fast for the knights to stop him, the boy flung his arms around the Ash Man’s waist.

Only then, when a knight wanted to grab the boy and pull him away, Lancelot drew his sword to keep the knight at a distance.

Helio held up his hand and prevented the other knights from attacking.

Lancelot did appreciate the chance he was given, he pried the arms of the boy from around him and knelt down, holding the boy by the shoulders. “Do not fear, Percival. Look after y/n, look after yourself.”

Squirrel had tears in his eyes whilst nodding.

The knights confiscated his swords and weapons before taking the Ash Man to the dungeons.

You were still pleading with your stern father when they walked past you with him.

This wasn’t how it was meant to go, he was supposed to have his freedom as you had yours, not damned to the same fate you had once been trapped in.

He could so easily fight them off, none here had the same level of skill. Why wasn’t he? Why was he agreeing to this?!

“Lancelot…” You didn’t know what to say anymore.

His eyes met yours, it was as if he just knew how distressed you were and therefore kept calm himself.

Once they had escorted him out of the great hall, the knights finally released you.

You didn’t know what to do anymore. “He doesn’t deserve this!”

Helio’s mind was set, and Mirena knew that this was the only way to prevent the Ash Man from being killed.

Squirrel stayed close to Ciro, clearly shaken by the situation.

Mirena came closer to touch your arm. “Little Moon-”

“No!” You walked away from your parents and out of the room.

You hated how the two knights still followed you out, probably correctly assuming that you would try to help Lancelot.

Some other Feys that lived in the castle walked by and were clearly curious to see what was going on.

Mirena walked out of the room and into the hallways as well, she approached you when seeing how distraught you were.

She tried to offer comfort.“I know you are angry, Little Moon. But in the dungeons he will be safe from those who seek vengeance.”

You could tell there was more to it. “You don’t trust him either. You and father, you think he will go back to the Church.”

Mirena tried to reason. “We cannot take risks, you must understand this.”

You turned to face away from her.

“Give it time.” She gently said.

At least your father had not killed him…

Mirena sighed softly. “Your old room is still as it was, go and have some rest. And don’t worry about young Squirrel, I shall let him share a room with Ciro, your cousin seems to like him already.”

You nodded and walked away from her, heading down the familiars paths that led to the room where you had spend many a night.

Upon entering, you saw that nothing about it had changed. The bed was made and all was still in place. Books were stacked on the nightstand, your clothes were still in the closet.

Even the doll your mother had made you once was still sitting on the pillows, but not quite where you had left it. Had she held it in her hands when she thought you would never return?

And you weren’t going to return, not until after you learned that Squirrel needed a safe place to call home.

You sat down on your bed and held the doll in your hands, it was exactly how the Fey made their toys.

Old branches for arms and legs, straw for hair and a cloth body filled with tiny pieces of straw.

A knock on your door pulled you from your thoughts. “Yes?”

Mirena walked into your room, holding a book in her hands that she offered to you. “I thought you might want to read this.”

You plucked the book from her hands and put it down next to you without looking at it.

She sighed, then gestured to the doll in your hands. “You loved that one more than all the others.”

You put the doll down next, still too angry to hold a conversation.

Another sigh fell from her and she decided it was better to leave you alone for a while.

After you took off your satchel and placed it on the ground beside your feet, you did pick up the book your mother had given you.

Disinterested, you skimmed through the pages until some words pulled you into the story it had to offer.

Fey Fire… Ash Folk…

It told of the Feys who were killed first when the war began, murdered because they were born with the ability to create and bring forth Fey Fire at will.

With the extinguishing of the Ash Folk, the Fey fire disappeared from the lands and took most of the magic along with it.

Father Carden had not chosen Lancelot just for his ability to smell out his own kind, but because he must have known of the power the Ash Folk held within. How many books held this legendary tale? Had the priest been in the possession of one?

There were things Lancelot had not told you, or perhaps he was not aware of it himself.

One thing was certain, you would not let the Ash Man wither in the dungeons for the rest of his days, even if it meant that your father would never forgive you for what you were about to do.

~~~♡~~~♡~~~◇~~~♡~~~♡~~~

You waited until after midnight and refused all invitations to have a meal. Your mother had made one more attempt before evening to better the situation by informing you that Squirrel now shared a room with Ciro. It was good that the boys got along well, Ciro was always quick to be impressed by others and Squirrel’s fearless attitude surely helped.

Squirrel was safe, but there was someone else who needed help now.

Your old hairpins were still in the drawer with the comb, you took them with you when leaving the room.

One knight had fallen asleep against the wall at the end of the hallway, and most others in the castle were asleep as well.

You were raised here, this fort held no secrets for you and it wasn’t hard to get to the dungeons without being noticed by the knights.

They weren’t as experienced yet, and one of their mistakes was leaving the door to the dungeon locked but unguarded.

A smartly folded hairpin made quick work of the lock on the door.

The narrow steps down to the dungeon reminded you of the one you had escaped from.

You pushed the thought away and continued your way down.

The darkness in the dungeon was suffocating and filled you with the same dread you had experienced back then. The thought that your father was putting Lancelot through the same torment was horrible.

You went back up the steps and took a torch off of the wall to light the way.

This dungeon had no rooms, only cells with iron bars.

You were still searching for him when you heard your name be called.

“Y/n?”

Following the direction from which it came, you found the Ash Man in the very last cell.

Your scent had filled the air and alerted him to your presence long before he had heard your footsteps.

You put the torch in the holder beside the cell he was in, it still offered very little light in the heavy darkness.

He was standing near the iron bars that kept him prisoner. “I would have thought that you would prefer to avoid a place such as this.”

He wasn’t wrong about that…

You took hold of a bar and gave it a pull to test it’s strength, it did not budge at all.

It confused you still why he had just surrendered to this.“Why didn’t you fight your way out?”

His hand curled around the iron bar just above your own. “This is your home. And if I were to fight my way out of this place, it would only prove that I cannot solve a problem without bloodshed.”

You tried to ignore how close his hand was to yours and that he had deliberately placed it there. “Don’t get holy on me now, Ash Man. You don’t fool me into believing that you suddenly are against using a sword.”

His smirk now was timid as he offered the other reason for not acting against the punishment he was receiving. “Here you can always find me.”

Your grip on the bar tightened, and you found yourself unable to look him in the eyes whilst he so clearly wished for it.

You got the hairpin from the waistband of your trousers where you had hidden it and put your attention on the padlock of the cell door.

He did not move, “What are you doing?”

“Getting you out of here.” You began to pry into the lock with the lockpick.

There was no time for him to talk the idea out of your head, you proved to be quite skilled in lock picking and popped it open without a problem.

You pulled the cell door open and made a small arrogant bow whilst gesturing for him to step out.

And he did step out, sly smirk playing on his lips as he tsked. “What will your father say about this?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Well, he wouldn’t be surprised.”

He almost seemed proud of your misbehavior, “Where are my swords?”

That was a good question. “I think they might have locked them in one of these cells too. I doubt they want to use weapons that carry the symbols of the Church.”

He hummed pensively.

“Sorry…” You said upon realizing how it might have come across.

“No need.” He said, then plucked the torch from the wall again and took hold of your arm to keep you near and in the light with him.

The closer you got to the stairs, the quieter you got. You found the swords in the very first cell and began to pick the lock.

This padlock wasn’t as easy as the other one, it had a little rust to make things worse.

Lancelot held the torch close so you could see better, he whispered to you, “I can leave this place on my own, you do not have to stay and help, it will only bring you trouble. Leave the hairpin with me and if I were to be caught, I will take the blame. They do not have to know you were here.”

You frowned and turned your head a little, noticing how close he was to you, “Are you planning on getting caught?”

That stern tone made him frown too. “No, I-”

You ignored the chance he was giving you. “Good… be quiet then.”

A scoff fell from him, still he could not hide that smile in the darkness. “As you wish.”

At this point you had gotten nervous and fumbled with the lock, him standing by and

watching it happen wasn’t helping at all.

When it finally opened, it almost fell to the ground and he caught it before the metal hitting the tiles could wake the whole fort up.

He put the padlock on the ground and went into the cell to fetch his swords, then hurried out again after sheathing them in their scabbards.

“My horse?” He asked hopeful.

“Goliath should still be in the stables.” You gestured for him to follow.

Together you made your way up the steps and he put the torch back where it had came from, it would only draw unwanted attention now.

Sneaking through the fort was actually easier with him, his heightened sense of smell alerted him to the presences of others far quicker.

Climbing out a window was the safest way to leave the building, he went first and helped you down the small height from it as well.

At the stables, he held onto Goliath’s reins.

“Percival?” He quietly inquired.

You understood he was worried. “He’s now sharing a room with my cousin.”

Lancelot gave a slow nod, his eyes suddenly distant. “He’s safe…”

It sounded more like he was convincing himself of it. The Ash Man had grown attached to the boy, as you had.

“He is.” You gently touched his arm. “I’ll stay home for a while, to make sure he doesn’t get himself into too much trouble.”

Something told him that you were staying home because your heart had missed it.

After giving his arm a squeeze, you let go. “Come. I will walk with you and get you past the village.”

He took a few steps, then stopped. “Veil…”

You helped search for the sheet he had ruined to make the previous one and cut another long piece from it.

He held out his hand for it, believing you would hand it to him.

Instead you stepped closer and bravely put the veil on his face yourself.

You adjusted it until it sat right, your voice broke a little. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

It felt too much to say, especially when seeing his expression change.

You turned and slowly walked out of the stables, waiting for him to follow.

It had halted him for a moment.

Finally he led Goliath out of the stables with him and stopped by your side.

By now you had gotten more control over your emotions and even jested, “Maybe in time, we could have been friends. If you weren’t so insufferable.”

He was quick to return the jest. “Likewise.”

You rolled your eyes at him when seeing how pleased he looked with himself now.

“Could have been?” Lancelot asked almost timidly.

It was the hope in his eyes that helped you admit to it. “I think I should tell you that I do have begun to see you as a friend.”

That confession must have taken quite something.

Lancelot glanced at the few small spots of light still coming from the village down below. “Ah, getting me out of that cell was not just pity.”

“Oaf.” You sighed with a smile. “Come on, let’s get you away from here before my father tosses us both in the dungeon.”

You began to walk away and bit back a smile at how fast he was to join your side again to walk beside you.

The village down below was mostly asleep, some candlelight still illuminated the houses inside, it was quite a charming sight to see at night.

And it felt a lot safer to guide the former monk through the village now. He even put his cloak over his swords more to hide them from sight.

“Are you… going to be alright?” You worried for his future. “I uhm… I wanted to give you these.”

You rummaged through the pocket of your vest and handed him the coins you still had after stealing them from that lord.

He was looking at the coins in his hand, taking a bit long to reply. “Thank you for them. And I will have to find my way. I thought you would be relieved to be rid of me now.”

Ugh, it was so obvious that he was fishing for you to stroke his ego and tell him that you couldn’t live without him, it was written all over his face.

You kept a neutral face, “Who says I’m not?”

It had sounded so monotone and genuine that it made him look at your face to see if it was true.

It took a few seconds of silent alarm before he narrowed his eyes at you.

He said it half between his teeth, voicing his annoyance over your wit, “I wish I did not care for you, then you would not be able to pull these tricks on me.”

A smile curved your lips, then fell away slightly.

There was a pleasant tingling going up your neck that was caused by his words.

“I feel no relief.” You scrambled together the courage to admit it. “And I don’t want our last moments together to be sad ones.”

His fingers fidgeted with reins. “Neither do I.”

It was an answer to both of your admissions.

He stopped walking and mounted Goliath without a warning.

You blinked up at him confused. “What-”

The Ash Man, with a lopsided grin, reached his hand down for you to take. “Come here.”

It took another second for your feet to move and your hand to take hold of his.

He had you planted safely in front of him on the horse a moment later. “Do you trust me?”

You didn’t dare to look behind you. “Sometimes.”

A scoff and chuckle fell, light as air. “If you do, close your eyes.”

For a second, you did not know where to place your hands and then rested them in your lap to hide your fidgeting. “Why?”

Always so stubborn…

He was grinning ear to ear, “Unless you are frightened?”

Your head whipped around to glare at him, with a mighty eye roll you turned again and shut your eyes. “Fine.”

You felt him move, first the cool breeze of wind touched the back of your neck, the difference with his warm breath then closing in was indescribable.

Never did you think he would spur Goliath on to gallop.

The sudden change of pace had your back falling into his chest and a curse flying out of your mouth.

Goliath could fool one into believing he was not one for speed, but gods this horse could run faster than the wind and you were holding on for dear life.

It must not have been longer than a few minutes and by the time he slowed down, you were out of the village and past the guarding Feys in the trees. Like a whirlwind had picked you up and placed the three of you in that forest.

You sat frozen for a moment while your heart tried to find it’s normal rhythm again that it left behind back at the village.

He was clearly waiting for a reaction, you just knew it.

Your thoughts collected itself and reminded you of the way you were seated against him, instantly you sat upright.

“We were going to reach this place before dawn, you know?” You broke the silence.

“Not at the pace you were walking.” The smug oaf said.

“I’m getting down from this horse.” You told him and put it into action right after.

Not even his hand on your arm could stop you from doing so.

You looked up at him and saw the smirk, “You do realize I will have to walk back home now after you took me further away from it than necessary?”

That slightly bitter tone was amusing.

“Already?” The smirk faltered.

It saddened you to see it vanish. “I should let you go before anyone finds out you’re missing.”

He got down from the horse and stepped closer to you. “I do not want this to be the last time I see you or the boy.”

You gave it a moment of thought. “On the second day of winter, we could meet here. I would bring Squirrel.”

Winter felt so far off now…

The small smile did not reach his eyes. “I shall be here.”

You held out your hand and saw him frown in confusion.

He hesitated, not once but twice, before taking your hand in his.

You shook it amicably and actually let out a silly laugh because of how awkward it felt to say goodbye like this. “Sorry… I don’t do farewells…”

His grip got a bit firmer. “This is no farewell.” He gave your hand a small squeeze. “Until we meet again.”

He let go off your hand and visibly struggled to step away.

You could not blame him, as you felt the same struggle.

It was an idea that got into your head right there on the spot to step closer and put your hands on his arms, using them to keep your balance while putting your lips to his cheek.

Quick and light, like the wings of a butterfly touching his skin.

Without looking back, or at his face to see his response, you walked past him and back to the fort you called home.

After a few minutes of slowly walking, your heavy heart made it difficult for your legs to carry on home.

Why was it so hard to part with the Ash Man? It had been the plan all along.

A plan made when you couldn’t stand him…

Looking back, he was long since out of your sight, swallowed by the forest and the night.

The sound of a branch snapping echoed through the forest.

The dense forest made it impossible to see if someone was hiding among the trees. It was The Hidden that began to sound restless in your ears that alarmed you.

With a hand on your sword, you continued your path.

You were being followed, you just felt it.

It was the first time in your life where you had been frightened in this forest so close to home.

Another sound made you turn on your heels, heart beating violently in your ears.

All you felt next was being struck by something against the side of your head, after that all was dark.

Taglist:

@ourlazydetectivekitten @the-great-adventures-of-me @linkpk88 @fxrchxldws @elenaoftheturks @slytherlight @beananacake @crystallizedtime @moonlightaura03 @angrygardendeer @have-aheart @5am-cigarette @arcanenature @thewinterskywalker @notyourwildestdream @coloursforyourportrait @koressecretidentity @nike90 @n1ghtlux @rachlovesactors @luckyzipperscissorsbat @morena-doing-stuff @the-fangirl-diaries @gipsydanger17 @heavenly1927 @phantasmalbeiing @labyrinthonmymind @asarcastic-thiamstan @rainyv-skies @kissingandromeda @stclairesplace @katjusja @isla-bell-blog @beebeerockknot

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist of this story.

#the weeping monk #lancelot #weeping monk #cursed netflix #weeping monk x reader #cursed #lancelot x reader #weeping monk x you #cursed lancelot #the weeping monk x reader #daniel sharman character #Daniel Sharman

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ultfreakme · 1 year

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Azula redemption arc and Zuko’s the one helping her so obviously, he’s mish-mashing all the things that worked for Gaang and himself but without the almost-murder and prison breaks. So his solution is taking Azula to Ba Sing Se and get her serving tea.

Azula, who actually does want redemption, is about to kill him but also is like “okay FINE I’ll do it I fucking guess!” and Zuko’s just talking out of his ass about proverbs he barely remembers Iroh saying.

Azula: I don’t understand you and uncle, What is your obsession with tea?

Zuko, who also doesn’t fucking know & drinks tea out of habit: Firebenders have....a relationship....with tea. How it’s you know, soothing, but it’s made from flame and stuff. But you can’t drink it hot, well we can but others can’t so all the elements like...combine....for tea.....and balance or smthg

Azula: You have no idea do you?

Zuko: I EXPLAINED IT- no wait zuko no, calm, peaceful no shouting *ahem* no, you just have to ponder upon it till you find meaning on your own.

Azula sucks at it at the start but after a week she’s very good at customer service she’s freaking playing everyone and making regulars out of anyone who steps into the store.

Zuko’s not sure if this is a good development or not because she’s good at this but she’s also gathering intel from all the upper echelon politicians and ministers who come to visit.

Azula: I’ve learned the lesson

Zuko: You have??? I mean- yeah sure, that’s great. So you’ve found...peace?

Azula: What lmao no. Uncle was onto something with this. Tea makes people let their guards down and they start talking about everything. It’s the art of conversation. And now I know all the dirty little details of what’s going on in the Upper Ring, this is how we take down--

Zuko: AHEM

Azula: --How we take down....the walls that divide our nations

#azula #zuko #fire nation #atla #atla headcanons #Avatar The Last Airbender #azula redemption

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jellytamalies · 28 days

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lol why is Merlin trending?

anyway guess this is a good time to let my many au’s free

1) ATLA Au (+gender flip)

{gender flipped Arthur} is Princess of the fire nation (uther is obviously ozai). Her sort of adopted (or maybe cousin? Idk) brother-not-really {gender-flipped-Morgana} speaks out against some injustice and gets burned for it. Then mysteriously disappears. Years later a runaway {Morgana} and his friend, a non-bender earth kingdom citizen who’s brother and father are off fighting in the war, (it’s Gwen) find the avatar. The avatar (Merlin) is a water bender (don’t ask why, I don’t know) and both water tribes have been decimated (the air nomads are fine. They’ve been mostly staying out of the war)

anyway redemption arcs ensue, firelord overthrowing and avatar ig happen. And Obviously merthur shenanigans.

2) The sorcerer and the sword that once-was-but-is-no-longer in the stone

Loosely based of webcomic I read (swordid I think?)

basically: sorcerer dude made Excalibur, the weapon got super Out of hand and eventually his apprentice merlin took the sword and stuck it in a rock, then gave his life to ensure it would only be used by the Worthy (no he does not know the criteria for the “Worthy” at this time but he’s trying okay). later a prince needs the sword, it gets passed around a bit more and then Eventually picked up by Arthur.

they go on adventures, stuff stuff lake, wow merlin is no longer in the sword awsome

3) Mandalorian Au (and kinda in a way a roleswap but not really)

I have no regrets or excuses fuck you

uther is a mandalorian. After ygraine is kidnapped a year after Arthur is born he kinda goes crazy searching for her (uther deadbeat dad. Wow). Uther dies, Arthur is raised by gloris . Bam there’s a Small Jedi. It’s Merlin, he and his master (gaius) got separated. Merlin and Arthur go on awsome adventures, get kidnapped, beat up slavers, and blow shit up.

they don’t see each other for another 5 years (yikes) and when they meet again Merlin is Not Okay. They go on more adventures, uncover sith plots, reveal tragic backstories (just because uther is dead doesn’t mean Merlin is safe hehe), and do stupid merthur stuff.

I have so many aus There are multiple folders in my notes app dedicated to Merlin

#This isn’t even scratching the surface #Im Dead Serious when I say I make a new Merlin au for Every fandom I am in #jamstuff #merlin bbc #Merlin #arthur pendragon #morgana #gwen #guinevere #Fire Princess Arthur

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frida--y · 2 months

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blessed by the shugods!!

god I love kingoh, such an ambitious sentai... I think it really won over in the end though!! The way it started with Jeramie's narration and the way it ended with it <3 I will say I loved the first half so much, the interpersonal royal drama of all- loved it. I also loved how it started to seed the story of redemption for the Bugnark with the introduction of Jeramie. I think it''s important to write a story of oppression and relationships. I do think it was overly ambitious in the end!! The bugs just got SO sidelined after the introduction of Duggy. But still, we got such a happy ending of not really homogenizing into one country, but to allow cultures to expand, to interact and grow from those interactions. Maybe love will bloom from it!!! I hope Jeramie tries to attend every wedding.. he would cry so much.

SO hard to say more from the story, it's such a packed one! Some things happen with such weight and then "it's actually fine no worries :)" next episode. I would of loved to see all the plot points fully expanded in a manga or a multi-season series.

THE CAST!!! THE RETAINERS!!!!!

You can really feel Taka's love for this series, he's really the show's biggest fan. Everyone feels fleshed out enough, and it's hard to pick a fav (it's jimmy). MAAN. What a show.. great passionate show tbh.

GOD is Kagu the best... BEAUTIFUL MAN. I loved all his focus episodes. It was also fun guessing how much he playing Racles or helping him, and now knowing that he's been believing in Racles since the wedding just makes me want to rewatch.

Who else is the best.. Jeramie.. I LOVED it when he stopped talking between the lines and blurted out what he feels. It's so cute.

Even Himeno! I love how passionate she was on the kingoh legends, it's a difference from Yanma who vaules tech more and learns to have faith in the legends. Yanma's so full of charm, really love him too. Rita is the best, what else can I say..

Impossible to pick a hard fav from the main kings.. easy tie with Rita and Kagu though for the top.... and Jeramie. They each have their strengths and I'm glad we got to see the odd dynamics near the end too.

For Gira, I really liked him ever since the first episode. His acting was great! Although I loved the doomed and fated sibling relationship, I think the show should of showed us more of Gra's thoughts when he thought he killed Racles. It's not really implied he knew he didn't die (unlike according to bts), I think Gira should of been more fucked up he killed his only family... Yano did a good job displaying on his face how their first duel really messed up.

Number one cunt in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seeing through Racles lies/act was so satisfying, all the way back to his first fight with Gira, I knew something was up him. I loved his seemingly emotionless behavior in the first half, when he had the all the chances to kill his brother and didn't take it, episode 20 was fantastic in this regard, and we got SUCH a treat with 42 telling us all the truth. especially knowing all the context. And maaaaaaan, I knew his reaction to "killing" Yanma was special.. god if anything Kingoh gave us an amazing character arc with Racles. He had great dynamics with the other kings (Yanma n Jeramie in the second half), BUT I kinda wanted him to have more scenes with Rita though, considering he basically wrecked their country by trying to reveal the traitor. Him trusting Suzume with his life and wanting to reach out to Kagu <33333 one of my fav dynamics <33 tormented by the bees <;3 GOD kagrac was SOO real...

I love how his actions were never excused, both by the character and everyone. Just getting my thoughts about him during his worse validated was satisfying. His interactions with Jeramie and Yanma post reveal were my favorites.

Just.. being right about how power hungry he really was (not as an act).... Racles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I usually don't get swayed by shipping art but.. Suzume and Racles fanart really sold me on them.. the show really helped too, but.. I think they're so cute. Re-falling in love after being married is so.. IT'S SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I had ONE major complaint... other than the Bugnark's plight getting sidelined HARD in the second half, I think Suzume's character really fell to the wayside. I liked the Morphina and Suzume episode, but it really highlighted Kagu more than Suzume. It really should of been more about her feelings on ruling Tuofu than her dream of marrying someone she loved, cause why would that stop her from ruling???

ride or die couple of the year <3 they should of ended ON TOUFU WHERE RACCY WAS ON A FARM!!!!!!!!!!

kingoh :)

man. what a show!! Going to miss it a lot... crazy good highs in my opinion. The world is just rich enough to play around with it in your head, which makes it fun!!

bonus: my many pics of Yano

I can post many more..I will restrain.. one of the most gorgeous men I've seen <3 his long hair when he got married though............................... many thoughts. They should of let him keep his facial hair. I have been seeking out his other works so far and I really do hope the film Wheel and Axle gets a release... it showed at a film festival so I assume it must have a subtitle track done.

love him so much I made him a birb friend n dressed up my plush!!

#text #kingohger #kingohger spoilers #theres literally too much to say and im running out of steam LOL i havent even mentioned the MANY parasols in this show.

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joelletwo · 8 days

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wrestling with the 4devas bitchslap again to convince myself its fine if graveyard wins the best ep tourney: it's not the other bloggers who are wrong, it's me

not a complete response to but definitely in conversation with and asking some of the same questions again as @reductionisms's 4devas essay, which tries to square gintoki's "life doesn't need to be fun, i just need you to live" being a series-sanctioned message he's given to villains as an arc-concluding moral continuously up until 4devas with it here being an incorrect worldview that needs to be (physically) corrected by shinpachi, the straightman tonal signpost of gintama

a conflict i have been perplexed by ever since i got to this line on my first watch a year or two ago, since i've seen this line before! all over fandom! as part of the general "dont [bottom text] kill yourself" motivational messaging of gintama that i love!

and, briefly, when i hit 4devas i was also in the middle of being really frustrated by the new arc pattern i was seeing crop up: i loved the villains-turned sympathetic-turned someone worth saving by gintoki tune of the first half of gintama, but it fell massively flat for me in Yoshiwara in Flames, where i was never convinced to be on housen's side but had to watch him get a heartwarming redemptive death at the side of the woman he abused anyways.

then shortly after i had the same exact experience in Red Spider with jiraia, and i thought, if this is what gintama is gonna do with its shitty dudes from now on im gonna quit the fucking show. and then shortly after that i met jirochou and saw him cut down otose the woman he loved (under a raining sky!!! the fucking sky motifs!!! the signpost im about to watch a dude be shittily violent to women and be expected to feel sorry for him about it) and saw too much red to really take in the rest of the arc level-headedly or care about anything in it lol.

so it was written off in my mind as the 'otose almost gets fridged' arc until i rewatched it this week. then i had to remember, oh yeah, there's a ton of political maneuvering fakeouts in this arc that i never actually squared back with how the plot presented itself prior to the reveals, so i'd still been thinking about the "fakeout" plot. then i read the manga version with all the "truths" in mind from the start, and finally i felt like i could understand what this arc is doing a little better.

(way) tldr (4.4k words. sorry): do i love this arc? eh. do i still hate it? eh. but it's doing stuff!

first, i was able to see an echo in all the "actually i was planning to betray you the whole time" "actually i was working to help you the whole time" plot beats of what sorachi does with the larger edo/universe story further into the back half of the manga. if i ever sound like i didnt enjoy or wasnt convinced by the execution of these "reveals," it's because i didnt and wasnt, lol. but it's fun that he had fun with them i guess.

the arc starts with pirako ingratiating herself into yorozuya, then having a classic "bump into you and pretend to be injured to extort you" encounter w her dad's gang. to resolve this without escalating into violence, gintoki... does it back to them, which is really funny. but thus the tone is set for the arc of: DISHONEST APPROACHES TO CONFLICT.

pirako isnt honest about her overall intentions the, like, seven different times that she "admits her real ones." kada plays at peacekeeper in the devas while being the ultimate person scheming to get the upper hand over everyone else in the end. (she's also secretly harusame, evil amanto outsider who acts as a unifying force for the kabukicho fighting itself to band together against and expel: sorachi's favorite move! the problem was never internal, it's the shadowy REAL antagonists who infiltrated us)

jirochou and otose are ultimately doing a pantomime of conflict to try to keep temperatures down and escalations from breaking out, so no one they care about has to get hurt. gintoki doesn't know this until the end, but he follows in their footsteps after his encounter with them in the graveyard: he plays at having given up to the rest of yorozuya so they'll leave and escape the coming kabukicho war, the same thing otose was trying with him. it fails both times. i'm really not sure why gintoki and otose thought it would work, honestly. they should know their kids are stubborn as hell.

but gintoki is in a bind because of the things he needs to protect, and all of his actions are primarily in service of that, to the detriment of how he'd prefer to act if he were less restricted. he is unsurprised and unoffended to hear saigou is only willing to warn them, not help them, because her son is in danger if she acts directly. all four devas are, seemingly, being mutually restrained this way, holding back even when blatantly manipulated to do so. the other constant of this arc: everyone is dishonest, and no one wants to risk losing what they have.

gintoki understands that! of course! he's had to make that calculus before, after all :)

and this arc is just one big cliff scene echo: the entire graveyard scene pushing gintoki to emotional regression because he thinks he's losing another parent figure, one he's just seen the Gintoki Figure of the arc cut down, no less (takasugi stolen valor when he goes berserk against him and only ends up uselessly bleeding out on the ground about it, honestly). otose goes into this willingly so gintoki can live. he accepts this decision because he values protecting her values (her kids living on) and is briefly broken by it (the story says, before giving him shinpachi to "put him back on track"). prior to the bitchslap, after saying he just wants them to live, even if it has to be without him, he says:

i dont have a good understanding of when we start getting reveals of gintoki's backstory versus foreshadowing because i went into gintama already knowing most of it, but definitely by the recent red spider where we get our first real look at (or really, first listen to) shouyou. but here we actually get some of what gintoki felt about it, which he keeps closely guarded even when the whole truth comes out: he's done his best to survive having lost, but it was so unbearable he can't face losing again.

(also, honorable mention backstory echo, the person calling him a brother sets his home on fire to drive him and his parent figure out of town. as i liveblogged: this one would really hurt gintoki if gintoki cared about anything oboro ever did!)

but with the shinpachi story-rerouting, they get the good end, keep everyone (otose, yorozuya, all of kabukicho, even pirako and her dad - everyone but kada) safe without having to sacrifice a single thing, even keep gintoki hopeful for this outcome. so, as goose points out, we are left to understand that there could have been a good end on the cliff, that something is different here than there, and, skipping a lot of math, that that is the people around gintoki.

which i do find really funny to imagine as a slam on takasugi and katsura. sorry you kids suck too much, your teacher dies bc u were cringefail. but lets look at it.

everyone is dishonest, no one wants to risk what they have: gintoki rallies himself to keep fighting but is determined to do it alone. kagura and shinpachi fight him on this; they can't leave because they don't want to lose their home, they can't let him fight alone because they don't want to lose him. they're just as restricted by what they have to keep safe, but their only option is to act where everyone else's is inaction. shinpachi says:

if i may skip over the bitchslap itself for now, gintoki does consent to let his allies fight with him after it. yorozuya stands alone against saigou, who's heavily demoralized but resigned, strongarmed into fighting them by the threat to her son. but on seeing their resolve to keep protecting their own precious home and family she says:

and, to skip straight to my thought, i think this is what turns the tides back in their favor. there are more twists and turns to the fight. pirako equates what binds saigou, which she herself equates to what binds the yorozuya, to what binds her:

(with an intentional distinction that she's willing to actively destroy the others', as opposed to their purely self defensive fighting, which is echoed at some point in her distinguishing gintoki from jirochou in the same way, that jirochou not only lives to protect like gintoki but is willing to destroy in the process. i don't find that part as interesting, but it's more fuel to the power of having something to protect as a driving force as an arc theme.)

so now all three stand on the same ground, absolutely unwilling to give up what they hold dear, but all their cards are on the table. they aren't dealing in 12 dimensions of tricksy defensive pre-emptive moves anymore. they know it wouldnt work, anyways, since they all know their drives to protect are the same and no one will be talked into backing down. now they can directly duke it out and let the winner be determined that way, on strength of will. even before the actual circumstances change, the fight somehow feels freer seeing how inevitable it is. and with everything out in the open, yorozuya can now protect each other and saigou's son, taking out one side of the conflict.

(and with everything out in the open, the ultimate 4devas villain can become the single person who continues to betray the others, kada, whose further machinations - with everything out in the open! - saigou (and later yorozuya) can choose to protect pirako from. everyone wins! because everything was out in the open! do you see where i'm going)

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the arc is rerailed to the better outcome. so is the correction justified?

what does the correction accomplish outside of its moment? most convincingly to me of goose's presented options, i also think it's done as a thematic shift, a, okay, just live was a strategy that worked before but now doesn't suffice, so we need something more.

as to why this is needed now and not earlier or later...tldr bad planning <3 but like.

we have, prior to this, a consistent thrust of arcs where gintoki teaches people to lose. as well, while we meet the harusame and we visit space and we get the barest glimpses of takasugi's weird shadowy background moves there, largely we're dealing with kabukicho characters and kabukicho stories. we see or only hear about the shogun for short comedic moments only. we've largely dropped the series intro focus on things like the shinsengumi or hasegawa acting as foreign diplomats. it's a local series, a hometown series, a kabukicho and not even an edo at large series, a personal story about gintoki making personal connections with his personal experience as a flawed person with a flawed approach to life that has let him, chronic slacker, get by on the bare minimum.

at this moment, chapter 300, we have a slow trickle of gintoki backstory starting to come out to us. we've recently expanded the story focus to include yoshiwara, which gets a callout in this arc by kada to keep it relevant. we have an arc of sorachi testing out plot beats that he'll use again for the endgame, in all the political maneuvering and alliancing and betraying and shadowy outsider space governmenting, where he's also doing a lot of echoing of that backstory that only becomes clear later. so it's possible he's thinking about shifting gears and setting up for the eventual endgame, which means getting out of the episodic cycle so things can stick.

and after this arc, to my opinion and memory, we stop getting the classic gintama flavor sympathizable'd antagonists. a lot of the bigger arcs don't even have clear Big Shot antagonists anymore, being more about the shouyoucore theme of characters fighting against themselves, or if there is one they're always explicitly part of the Shadow Government now, a unified and more daunting force than someone they can win over with an inspiring gintoki interaction.

so 4devas does act as a turning point at least in some way. and it's not possible to say this definitively, since all gintama arcs are ultimately never going to be about gintoki or his friends Actually losing something instead of beating the odds, but it does feel like theres a different flavor to, say, dekobokko with its direct look at how chars lives could be different and better and they will still choose to keep struggling as themselves. and Kintama arc definitely doesn't feel like an early days arc, like it can only resolve the way it does with a gintoki who is now able to face his past and the possibility of losing again and again and again (now with, natch, his faith that yorozuya will by his side when he does).

why now, after 300 chapters of letting it sit ignored in the back of his brain working out perfectly fine except when it doesn't (the very reminder of shouyou in a fight making him go Demon Mode, which is like regular gintoki but worse at fighting, bc he is so unprepared to think about shouyou)? well i personally am in big favor of the "take a decade off" strategy for facing problems. it worked for me too. realistically watsonianly its nice to let things percolate in the brain and do some of the processing behind the scenes until its less immediately painful. and he's made many bonds over these 300 chapters, shown in this arc when the whole town rallies behind him, that are there to support him when he needs it now and weren't there before.

realistically doylistly eh. bad planning.

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the series as a result is rerailed to a writing space where things can start changing (leave the episodic, as you guys say, sazae-san format). it's useful in the future. so is the correction justified in terms of what comes before it? was the correction needed?

thinking about the bitchslap leads to thinking about the cliff scene leads to (sorry kagura and katsura, you guys arent really relevant here) pitting shinpachi and takasugi against each other in how they act with something on the line they can't bear to give up.

i don’t need the lesson of 4devas to apply logistically to the cliff scene. once they were set up on that chessboard, frozen in their assigned places as a backstory, it’s not like takasugi could’ve power of friendship’d his way out of being physically retrained if he decided he wanted to. it’s set up as a forced choice, it has to play out as a forced choice.

but we see that even before it’s asked of him, takasugi is willing, prepared, unbothered to give up his own life for shouyou’s. this is, goose lays out in the sequel, the cardinal sin in gintama - a teacher shouldn’t outlive their student. it would have been especially egregious to shouyou, whose whole desired life’s purpose is to raise students who can outlive him and outgrow him, take his lessons and go out into the world and do their own thing with them. takasugi doesn’t expect to do this and doesn’t seem to see a point in the possibility if shouyou isn’t back with them.

though we can also think of shouyou as a little too quickly willing to give up on the cliff - sorry, gintoki, the suicidal guy has thought about it for .02 seconds and decided the best outcome is for you to kill him even though he could get out of this no problem. maybe its no wonder gintoki gave up too. can we ask katsura what he would’ve done?

and is takasugi different from shinpachi there? he rejects the mentor’s attempt to exchange his own life for his. he’s not willing to consider a life without him.

but shinpachi is convinced no one is going to die. because they’ll be there together. incredibly naive - shinpachi and kagura, restricted to one option by what they need to protect like everyone is in 4devas, have acting as that one option because they are still free in a way gintoki and the other adults aren't. they’ve never actually experienced the impossible choice that forces you to give up, so they can act as if there isn’t one - what else would they do? why would they think to give up?

but gintoki is defined by having lived the impossible choice. its built into the foundation of him as a character and leaks out everywhere. he couldn’t have relied on his friends on the cliff because they were quite forcibly removed from the picture as an option, not by his or their choice. its written as an inevitability, logistics we find out later be damned.

if we refocus to 4devas, we can look at the Gintoki Figure for a different angle. jirochou, after he and gintoki resolve the arc conflict by being able to team up because they - say it with me - put everything out in the open, tells gintoki about his impetus for abandoning his family and coming back to his wayward life in kabukicho, the death of otose's husband.

it's, um, another now really obvious parallel to gintoki, lol. characters talk about how jirochou does everything he does in this arc to try to atone for his failure to both otose and tatsugorou, and i guess thats true bc he was written that way but he has an odd way of showing it, but anyways he resolves that, despite his guilt over this, all he can do now is keep living and keep protecting what they loved together. he's come to the usual gintama message all on his own, reinforcing that this is the correct way to live in this series. he had his own unavoidably shitty situation, and he came to terms with it.

so then where did jirochou go wrong, in the narrative's eyes (other than abandoning one woman and their child to deal drugs in the town of his other woman while ignoring her)? was there a point he could've changed how their trio's story played out? but he loved and trusted tatsugorou, and he was happy to step aside and let him be the one by their otose's side. i doubt he would have been happy stealing her away even if it were possible.

but if we look at the resolution tool of 4devas... he never put everything out in the open!!! everyone knows he loved otose, but in more of an open secret way. in classic romance plot, he never confessed for second male lead rejection closure. indeed, in the closest we ever get to a main character having a romantic plot in gintama, the very ending of the arc flirts with him doing just that now that he's made a little progress with the arc message, with the entire cast of the arc expecting him to (and interrupting before he can).

but if he had when they were young. if he had been honest with his friends. could it have opened up other options that weren't available on his own, that they didnt know to offer? i have a preferred one lol. but u can get creative with all sorts of life paths that avoid tatsugorou dying that way or, at the least, jirochou feeling chained to a shameful life (living in a town he doesn't go out in to protect a woman he doesnt talk to and feeling like he doesnt deserve the family he abandoned for this) because of it.

and then if we take this and rewind back to the cliff... we get to grind my favorite ax, "shouyou shouldve told literally anyone literally anything about his deal." if gintoki knew more about shouyou, they could've faced his horrors together, the whole time. he couldve known that shouyou was being literal calling himself a demon and not internalized his own identity as one for life just because shouyou bonded with him over it. i truly genuinely think the logical conclusion of all of gintama's big messages are that shouyou and gintoki should have been more open with each other.

but i don't think sorachi thinks that. and, you know, by 4devas rules, the unriskable precious things he was protecting by staying silent were his students' humanity, and secondarily his own fragilely newly hopeful heart that literally couldnt stand another 10 millionth round of rejection (killed himself and then went on a 12 year rampage over it. girl i would too).

and takasugi really isn't dishonest about what's going on in his head when he tells us he expects to die for shouyou. that's as cards on the table as i could ask. gintoki is, a little bit, by omission. he does what i'd want him to here - tells takasugi try just not dying - but doesn't give him a reason to, and doesn't tell him he has no plans of letting anyone die for shouyou.

so what goes wrong on the cliff - shouyou is happy, gintoki is happy, oboro's even kind of happy, katsura is irrelevant - is that takasugi is blindsided (whoops) by their silent agreement that betrays the one he thought he and gintoki had. and then ruins everyone's party about it and spends the next ten years doing so for good measure.

which is also, basically, what shinpachi is going through that prompts the bitchslap, too. he thought they were a team, that they had each others backs, not that gintoki is a one-way protector of them. he is blindsided by gintoki lying to and tricking them and hiding things from them. he is hurt by gintoki feeling hopeless all by himself when he could share that with them and be encouraged by their endless child optimism.

and would it need to have changed anything on the cliff? in the moment after the bitchslap, what contributes to gintoki changing his mindset is tama telling him, we trust that you're capable bc youve always shown us that, can you trust us this time? when, later in the arc, gintoki seems to regress by sending kagura and shinpachi away, he asks them to trust that he's still trusting them, relying on them to help shoulder his burden, and in return they know he's staying alive, not self sacrificing. maybe it would've helped just to feel on the same team and not shut out, to be able to trust gintoki like gintoki was trusting shouyou?

so. two paralleled instances of gintoki making a bad situation worse by keeping to himself and being too self sufficient. that feels clear cut that feels fine im okay with that as a takeaway. do i think its exactly what sorachi had in mind while writing this, as opposed to just a good series 'hey lean on your friends' moment to read cool and tug at the heartstrings? eh lol. i think theres definitely room to read takasugi into this arc (i still need to refind the takagin 4devas post...) but its not so baked in that i think he was a PRIORITY in the plotting.

but is the shinpachi SCOLDING necessary is the scolding justified... and yes its in response to life doesnt need to be fun i just want you to live. still a confusing framing i can't immediately square. but/and more immediately its directly responding. to gintoki opening up to them about his insecurities!!

which, as said, he doesnt do!! he doesnt talk about his failures! its basically like, here and to hijikata that one time and otherwise even when we know all the facts about what happened we still never hear gintoki himself talk about it. (so he really DOESNT learn the lesson here either. he stays dissociated and triggered every time utsuro comes up. he tries to solve the altana baby problem on his own. he doesnt talk to his new friends OR his old friends. bwah. gintoki. silver soul.)

so this is like. its just in the wrong order!! its just in a baffling order lol. if you want gintoki to share his burden do you need to punch him when he shares it. does it also need to sound like you're blaming him for not being capable of upholding his promise to protect anyone when thats the insecurity thats got him all discombobulated this arc in the first place (a whole set of notes i took on this that i didnt find a place for in this post)?? its so weeeeiiiiiirddd lol i dont liiikeee itttttt. theres plenty of things shinpachi can validly punch gintoki for but this is such a weird one.

so i guess. having a clearer understanding of this arc do i hate it less? YES honestly. i hate fakeout plots generally they irritate me but everything... more or less makes sense by gintama standards now that i have the whole plot in mind.

do i hate jirochou less SORT OF? i enjoy him. in his individual relationships. i like his shitty dad deal i love shitty dads. i like him pining for otose who genuinely likes him but also brings up her husband every sentence she says to him just to keep him down. i like his parallels with gintoki that they both explicitly acknowledge and find macho comfort in. hes still not theeeeeeeee most well-developed gintama antagonist but you know? i at least think otose and pirako would want to be around him after this.

do i feel like i have a clearer understanding of the bitchslap moment. NOT CONVINCED I DO. i feel like its going to be one of those things that slips in and out of my understanding like sand in cupped hands. i have a tentative understanding of it that i dont think sorachi actually had in mind. so i dont think ive solved it lol.

will i be cursed to think about 4devas forever? god i hope not. am i okay with it beating farewell shins in the polls. god i fucking hope it does. in the horrible timeline where i have to see 305 make it all the way and then lose i guess id rather it be to this one than to hijigin. consider this poll propaganda?

#sopping wet gintoki posting

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