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meaningofaeons · 11 months

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Ehhh hi! I love your work so i wanted to ask for hcs with star rail men and kafka (choose whoever you want) with gn!reader or s/o who has a lot of childhood trauma. I mean brutal emotional and physical abuse from a really young age, a lot of scars, blood, sa, ect. How would (star rail character) react to s/o telling them about their past/ seeing s/o's scars? Pls angst🙏. If you dont like the request, just ignore this. Have a nice day/night! -anon

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ old scars die hard

⊹ character(s) - sampo koski, kafka, jing yuan ⊹ word count - 1.3k ⊹ notes - gn!reader, TW!! themes of abuse both emotional and physical, self-harm tendencies (not touched on as much but possibly implied?), etc. please read with caution and heed the warnings!!!

hi anon omg I hope you're okay (ﾐዎ ﻌ ዎﾐ)ﾉ I don't know whether this is personal to you and your experiences or not but regardless!! this req touched me I know it's been sitting in my ask box for a while but I wanted to do it proper justice. I love you anon and I hope you are doing well <3!!! thanks for the req!

⊹ Sampo Koski

He's not super concerned at first when he sees the first signs of scars

I mean, he's had his fair share of run-ins with disgruntled "customers". His scars are more numerous than yours, he'd assume.

That is, until he remembers you're not really in the same line of fire that he can typically find himself in

That's what gets him wondering.

Sampo's not really one to get into emotional vulnerability, and I don't think he'd ask you first

Unless of course, you started to gain new ones under his watch

If he's known you for a while, I feel like he'd have questioned it often until you told him to stop, and then he'd be kind of reluctant to bring it up again.

However, if you two are fairly new friends/partners, he'd dance around the issue but try to confront it regardless.

Especially if the abuse is current from people currently in your life or something you recently inflicted on yourself, he'd try to mention/address it in a roundabout way.

"That doesn't look so hot, Y/N! Might wanna see Miss Nat for it. What, you getting into the business of scam—aheh, I mean, customer service—too?"

Sampo tries to keep it light, but when he notices the way you tremble at the acknowledgement he makes of your wounds, his face crumples.

He's instantly apologizing, instantly doing anything to make you feel even a little better.

Offering to take you out to lunch, buy you something nice, or just get some takeout food and watch a show together.

I feel like Sampo, being relatively unequipped to seriously handle stuff like this (considering he's very much a humor-cope kind of person) would be especially frantic in trying to assuage your troubles

Whatever you want! Seriously, he'll bend over backwards for you, especially when you're vulnerable.

Sampo Koski may not be the most sensitive or empathetic, but he knows when to hold the quips and jokes.

He's a very good listener, though. It's honestly pretty shocking.

Now, Sampo's not much of a violent criminal.

Yes, he's a conman, but usually his plans involve escape over actual fighting back.

Still, when he hears about those who have made you suffer, he's not going to stand by.

In the cover of night, after tending to your wounds (both physical and emotional), he'd be off.

He won't kill them. But Sampo sure as hell will make sure they wouldn't even think of coming within five miles of you ever again.

And you'll never find out about it, either.

All that will happen is your life improving because your abuser will be out of it, and Sampo is perfectly content melding back into his usual joking self, bringing as much normalcy to your more peaceful life as he can.

⊹ Kafka

At first, I think Kafka sees your scars/wounds and is kind of... uninterested? Or perhaps less uninterested and more just unconcerned.

Sure, there's questions and thoughts to be had, but everyone has their pasts—especially those among the Stellaron Hunters.

However, over time and with careful, calm observation, Kafka notices more about you.

She takes a special interest in you that she doesn't quite hold with her other fellow Stellaron Hunters.

How you apologize endlessly over small mistakes...

Or even how you flinched back when Silver Wolf of all people got angry and shouted at one of her video games.

I mean, Silver Wolf! The smallest of the Stellaron Hunters—outside of her abilities in manipulating the data of reality and hacking, she physically couldn't hurt a fly.

So, Kafka takes matters into her own hands.

She's pretty upfront, seeing no reason in beating around the bush.

She was content before in letting it slide as "everyone has their secrets", but she eventually develops something akin to concern for your situation.

"Darling, I just had a few small questions for you... Don't feel pressured to answer if you're not inclined."

The second half of her sentence shocked her a bit.

She has abilities relating to hypnotic suggestion—if there's something she wanted to hear or know, there's no reason she couldn't acquire it. And if there's something she wanted someone to listen to and obey, she could do it with no questions from the other party.

So really, it was awe-inspiring that she afforded you the luxury of choice here.

After hearing what happened to you, Kafka is not the type to go on a vengeance-path.

She knows the past is the past, and that you're with the Stellaron Hunters now, so your abuser is long gone from reach.

I think Kafka mostly focuses on comforting you in the moment.

Especially if you're partners, she'd be very inclined to give you a shoulder to lean on, a person to cry to.

Kafka may seem flippant, but she holds a deep-seated affection for you and she treats your trauma with the utmost respect and seriousness it deserves.

She'd definitely get more protective of you after hearing your past.

As long as it's not against Elio's script, she's accompanying you on any mission you need to attend to.

And, well, if someone happens to trigger any unpleasant memories, be it a stranger or otherwise...

They're taken care of. Quietly.

⊹ Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan, teddy bear of a man he is, is likely the most forthcoming of the three about any scars he sees on you.

He's the General and goes into battle so that you don't have to get scars like his, and yet, what are these past wounds he sees on you?

The man isn't an idiot, though. He knows the circumstances behind them are likely far from pleasant.

He also knows how to treat a matter with the delicateness it requires.

"My dear... May I ask about that wound on your arm?"

So, so gentle.

He's already got you in his arms before you can say a word, cradling you gently and soothing you before you can get the story out.

Listens to every single word you have to say, only breaking your continuous sentences to hush you now and then and calm you down

Doesn't matter how much work he has to do, Jing Yuan would stay with you for hours or days on end to make sure you were okay

He, like Kafka, is not the type to be overly vengeful or seeking of retribution against those who hurt you.

Rather, he's more of the mindset that the best revenge is a life well-lived, and that's exactly how he intends to get back at your abusers—by making your life as wonderful as he can.

That's not to say he won't do anything, though.

If your abusers were still alive or around, he'd definitely pull some strings.

Nothing violent, of course, but the abuser(s) lives aboard the Xianzhou Luofu would never be peaceful again if he knew who they were.

Jing Yuan is more focused on you and your recovery.

If you ever feel like hurting yourself, or the past comes back to haunt you, he's dropping everything for your sake.

He doesn't just treat you like glass or tiptoe around you, though.

He knows how strong you are to have made it through such experiences and still be alive—to a long-lived species, it's especially admirable that one could sustain themselves through such things

As such, Jing Yuan respects you greatly. And he demands the same from others.

Not that he didn't already, being that you're his partner or closest friend (however you'd like to interpret, but he is most certainly in love with you!)

He's just more conscious of his own actions henceforth.

Jing Yuan wasn't the type to raise his voice or get visibly upset with you even in moments of disagreement or conflict, but he's especially more gentle after hearing your past.

The man is literally a walking green flag, I don't know what else to tell you!

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genderstealer2000 · 4 months

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Okay, i know people have already established how overlooked childrens mental health is, but i wanted to put my view and experiences here. TW! mentions of abuse, substance use, sh, ed my childhood was not great in the slightest. i didnt grow up in a good home, it was mostly filled with drug addicts and loads of abuse. my mother was so preoccupied with other things, she never really acknowledged me and my siblings unless she was angry and yelling at us. she didnt care what happened to us. we were just other people living in her house. if youre going to have kids, treat them the way children should be treated. in all of the homes ive stayed in, ive always felt like a burden. ive always been reminded of who im related to, what has happened to me, and who i am. i want to move past everything, but its hard when my guardians (that willingly took me in) are using my mother to guilt trip me. "youre acting just like your mother." "keep acting like that and you know what youll become?" anytime i try to talk to them about anything, they make it seem catatonic. like im turning into this monster when in reality i just need help. my mother did not pick good partners. they were terrible people, and did terrible things to her, my siblings and me. i watched my mother deal with self harm, and an eating disorder, and she was pressing these things on me and my siblings. granted she wasnt in a good headspace at all, and she was always on something, but that is not appropriate at all to show your kids. and its very hard for me to create relations with the people i live with because of this. i never know whats going to happen, if im going to get punished. my foster families just saw me as another mouth to feed, and now that i live with my adoptive mom, she just says im not trying. they call me selfish for having suicidal thoughts, they call me attention seeking for cvtting, they call me disgusting for making myself throw up. what do they want? anytime i try to communicate my feelings i get shut down! my gender identity was formed from my trauma. i dont feel comfortable in a womans body. the people my mother lived with ruined me. everytime i view myself as a girl i get sick to my stomach. "youre not a boy," not biologically im not, but it helps me to view myself this way because i feel stronger. i dont feel as weak as when those events happened. and we're working on it, im trying to explain things to her and mend our relationship, but she doesnt understand. thats why i want to help her understand. so we can both heal. i think parents (guardians) are too scared to talk about their childrens mental health because they think that theyre the cause of it. even if they are a part of it they SHOULD talk! let it be known. communication is the most important part of a family, or relationships. communication is needed. dont treat your kids horribly. its sad that it has to be said, but they need parents for comfort. they look up to you for guidance, for love and affection. dont make your children feel like a burden. dont make them afraid of you.

#tw vent #vent post #mental health awareness #trauma survivor #childhood trauma #abuse survivor #cptsd recovery #sa survivor #ptsd #sh vent #3d vent #emotional abuse #physical abuse #coping #trauma recovery #trauma related #mental abuse #mental health

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hurtwave · 2 years

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STILL WANNA END IT ANYWAY SO

My edit on Photo source unknown ( if im using your Pic let me know and i will credit you)

Edits r back baby

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hearhervoiceinmyhead · 5 months

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She never hit me

But she made me into the emotional caregiver after her second divorce from the man who physically and sexually abused me and my brother

She never hit me

But she instilled poor body image into me with obvious comments about herself and subtle comments about me

She never hit me

But she told me being queer was just a phase after I was outed, then boasted of her allyship years later

She never hit me

But no amount of change and effort on my end is ever enough for her

She never hit me

But she told me things no twelve-year-old should have to hear about from their parent

She never hit me

But she puts me down over and over and victimizes herself to make me feel like the villain

She never hit me

But she used to throw things when she was mad, mirroring the man who choked and molested me when those wounds were still very fragile

She never hit me

But she threatened to send me to live with my homophobic, transphobic, neglectful, and emotionally abusive biological father if I didn’t stop disagreeing with her

She never hit me

But she yells at me through panic attacks, calling me dramatic and manipulative, while expecting me to care for her during hers

She never hit me

But she makes me fear sudden outbursts over the smallest things

She never hit me

But she repeatedly compares me to my bio dad despite my urging her to stop

She never hit me

But she makes it impossible to figure out what is safe to tell her and what isn’t, sometimes even being upset over things that were safe in the past

She never hit me

But she’s gone through my phone several times and punished me for things she found

She never hit me

But she’s used my sensory issues, trauma, and physical disabilities to make me do things multiple times

She never hit me

But she accused me of having hickeys on my legs when I was in middle school, they were self harm marks from me compulsively scratching away the top layer of skin

She never hit me

But she forced me to stand in the shower in front of her and shave for the first time while I was sobbing and begging her not to make me do it

She never hit me

But my trauma is always harder on her and suggesting otherwise is being ungrateful to all she’s done for me

She never hit me

But she repeatedly ignores and crosses boundaries and makes me feel horrible for ever setting them

She never hit me

But she still makes comments about me being trans on a regular basis while claiming to be the biggest trans ally

She never hit me

But she downplays certain medical and mental issues in private while using them in public discussions to make herself look like a good mom for putting up with them

She never hit me

But she’s repeatedly attempted to turn my fiancé and brother against me

She never hit me

But she backed me into the corner of the counters while I was making breakfast because she was angry

She never hit me

But she abused me anyways

#emotional abuse #toxic mom #abusive mom #toxic parent #toxic household #cw sh #tw sh #cw ed #tw ed #cw physical abuse #tw physical abuse #cw sa #tw sa #cw homophobia #tw homophobia #cw transphobia #tw transphobia

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one-abuse-survivor · 7 months

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So I (16NB) have recently started to wonder if my parents are abusive, specifically my dad. My dad used to work as a social worker and an employee at a children's home, so he always is saying stuff like "This is what we were trained to do" and whatnot. When I was littler, up until like 12, he would pin me down or put me in full body locks when I misbehaved until I calmed down. I wouldn't be allowed to talk - he would hold me there for hours even if I was asking him to let me go or telling him I was having trouble breathing because he's a 200 smth pound 6'2 man putting his entire weight on me. One time, when I was around 9(?) I bit him while he had me pinned to the floor because he wouldn't let me go even after I begged for over 30 minutes. When I bit him he slapped me in the face so hard my ears started to ring and I was disoriented. I don't remember what happened after that tbh. A few months ago, when I was 15, we got into a fight because he was blocking the door to my room and not letting me leave or close it because I used to self harm and I "had a bad day so he wanted to make sure I don't relapse." I kept asking him to let me out because arguments make me feel unsafe and whatnot but he refused. I said if he didn't let me out I'd climb out through my window. I guess he thought I was bluffing but I went to my window and kicked open the screen. He pushed me onto my bed and slapped me twice, my cheeks stung like hell. Another time he pushed me up the stairs at our house when I sat down and started crying on one of the steps, and I got cut on a nail. I still have a scar from that. Both he and my mom (my dad more often) would take videos of me when I was having a meltdown/tantrum and threaten to post it on facebook unless I calmed down and apologized.

Hi, nonnie.

This is most definitely abuse. Just the fact that your dad pinned you down with his whole wright when you were under 12, making it hard for you to breathe, is horrifying. That's seriously dangerous, and, although I'm not a social worker and I haven't had any training on de-escalating dangerous situations with children, I highly doubt that cutting a child's airflow in any way is a safe or effective de-escalation method. It sounds to me like a violent and dangerous tactic to scare an already struggling child into submission.

And, look, even if he was truly doing something he'd been trained to do safely to de-escalate some situations, why the hell would he do it to his own child?? When you're with your kids you should act like a parent, not like a social worker. But, honestly, that's besides the point here, because the truth is that no child deserves to be pinned down forcefully by an adult, ever. Not unless it's literal life-or-death.

And slapping is also physical abuse, especially so if it's hard enough to make your ears ring. So is locking a child inside their room, especially when you're supposedly doing it for their safety when that child is explicitly telling you that they're feeling unsafe precisely because of what you're doing. So is pushing your own child so violently they hurt themself.

And, gosh, nonnie, the fact they recorded your meltdowns and threatened to post them online is just the most vile and horrific thing. That's emotional blackmail. That's emotional abuse. That's guilt-tripping. It's just. Vile. I'm truly sorry they put you through that.

You didn't deserve any of this. As a kid, you deserved for your parents to talk your emotions through with you, to hold you and to tell you it's okay to feel sad or angry or scared from time to time. You deserved help learning how to navigate your emotions. And, when you felt like self-harming, you deserved to hear your parents say, "I'm here for you. You're not alone in this. How can I help?" NOT to be locked in your room against your will and have your safety and your emotional needs ignored and your agency taken away.

What your parents, and especially your dad, have done to you is extremely violent, scary, and abusive, and it sounds really traumatic. I hope some of this helps to hear, and I hope you know that you didn't deserve absolutely any of it.

Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

#Ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive father tw #Abusive parents #Physical abuse tw #Physical abuse #Self harm tw #Self-harm tw #Sh tw

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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year

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I really look as tired as I feel right now

#my eye bags are look so pitiful skfjfhg #why am i like this #i look like im either homeless or addicted to something #which like isnt far off but also not quite #im just really really really stressed physically and mentally all the time #but im not relapsing with my ed or sh-ing or abusing anything #just overworking and undersleeping #except calling it 'overworking' is pathetic because i cant even do anything so overworking is just #me doing anything at all basically #im in pain im tired i cant sleep i cant sit still #im probably gonna cry #and then workout #and maybe eat something that will feel like chunks of mud in my throat #i love being me i love my life (very sarcastic)

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zivot · 7 months

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What is YOUR Roman Empire?

»A little life« by Hanya Yanagihara

#like you don’t understand how much this book will break you until you read it yourself #I’ve never before slammed a book against my head while tears were streaming down my face #and I think I’ll never experience that with a book ever again #this is truly an… experience #about 10 months later and this book is still always in my head #always contemplating on starting to read it again - a book with almost a 1000 pages!#but if you think I’m recommending it to you this way: no #read the trigger warnings before starting it and be sure that those topics will be harshly mentioned especially sa #sh & physical abuse #way too long rant #but I’ve just thought about what my roman empire would be through a tiktok & now I see this ask #asks #thank you anon #I’m just sad that this book has put a standard on how I should obsess over a book afterwards and nothing got to catch up in any way #like yes I’ve read great books but did I look for fan art - went to a copy shop to get perfectly neat prints of scenes from the book that a #STRANGER HAD TO HAND ME WHILE LOOKING VERY ASHAMED AND CONFUSED WHY A YOUNG WOMAN WOULD HAVE GAY FAN ART IN HER HANDS - and then proceed to #tape them on every matching page where this exact scene was mentioned #and have like 200 book tabs in it #if anyone has book recs that made them this crazy ; please let me know

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meatpoto · 2 years

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My parents yelling at me and threatening to harm me/kill me cuss me out any chance they get

Them: “omg why are you so sad and want to k1ll yourself/self h@rm or run away 😢”

Be fucking fr bro get serious like come on now

#verbal abuse #physical abuse #emotional abuse #self h@rm #anor3x14 #shit parents #abuse tw #child abuse #tw sh vent #trauma vent #personal vent #vent blog

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ink-asunder · 2 years

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I think going to school was literally the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

#and i have been assaulted on multiple occassions!#i'm writing some school-related scenes in a story and all of them are So Much to just write down and I am having Symptoms of Trauma #idk i think it was the constant disregard and downplaying of my rights as a human. the lack of bodily autonomy because i was a minor.#the relentless bullying from peers who literally called me It and That Thing and threw a fit if they touched me #being humiliated every time I Exhibited Being Human (like going to the bathroom during break or grunting while exhibiting physical Effort)#not to mention the time some kid sh-ed and said I bit him and the entire middle/high student body witnessed against me #when nothing could've physically taken place. and the principal literally told me (at least TRY to make your story believeable)#Not to mention how my family treated my grades. it was standard shit but at the same time. the fact that parents ALLOW the kind of abuse #that goes on in schools is among the most fucked up parts of our culture #parents don't give a shit. and they don't believe you. and They have it worse as adults so why are You complaining about having 6 hrs #of homework a night. and dedicating stupid amounts of time to school. and complying to a schedule that ruins your body #i literally homeschooled because i wasn't physically able to keep up with mainstream school. and homeschool was faster. 4hrs a day tops.#not to mention the teachers who were total creeps and totally assaulted several students. yeah parents believed that one too.#ugh i have ptsd from severe medical trauma (the aforementioned assaults...) but the idea that EVERYONE is going through this school shit #it hurts my soul more than my own traumatic experiences. this isn't okay.#anyway i'm 23 and dropped out of college but for any of you still going to school--please take care of yourselves.#i'm here i hear you and you need better.

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spade-club · 2 years

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Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

(I found this and thought I might as well do this to help myself with denial later!! obvious abuse tw!! also I have a lot of stuff that came from outside the house too, but this is like. parent stuff yeah idk!!)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me

parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them

parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat

parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me

parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults

parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort

parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away

parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change

parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change (gender but same deal)

parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse

parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”

parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries

parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it

parent threatened to leave me

parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me

parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly

parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed

parent didn’t notice I was depressed

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (hardly even that)

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them

parent only gave me minimal money to survive

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

#oh man uh. hm.#literally im not kidding TODAY my parents told me I had it so easy compared to them #like. okay. you didnt hit me #congrats on that im sure that was so hard for you?? but like. that doesnt erase the everything else.#they literally started talking about the abuse they went through as kids and I was just like. I cant participate in this conversation.#and then my dad said its because I had it easier and im like. yeah sure well pretend thats why haha #anyway thank you emotional amnesia for allowing me to do this post easily. you suck but ily xx #also there was nothing for *dragging me through the house to get me to do what they wanted* but thats okay ig #also idk what forcefully undressing me and shoving me into shower classifies as either #so like. yk. there is some physical stuff too its just idk what to call either of those #oh also for the food one its bc I was allergic to the stuff they were feeding me and I told them that but they didnt listen!!#so pretty epic double whammy there #OH AND my mom would tell me after every fight *you better not be telling people about this*#to the point that I stopped telling people because I was scared she would find it and freak out #alsoalso the only reason she knew I was sh-ing was because she read my texts and then she demanded me to tell her everything about it #so she could *help me* or whatever. and then she promptly never brought it up again as if it never happened #so a lot of weird as fuck shit idk #also the way she checked my texts to make sure I was okay but didnt notice me being groomed online lol #and instead just taunted me about the crush I had that she found out about through that. fucking. okay.#okay thats enough oversharing I will just hit post now hehe

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mosspapi · 5 days

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Spending my last day in residence laying in the dark trying not to pass out or throw up. As upsetting as this is, it's also extremely fitting for the fuckin year I've been having. Jesus fuckin Christ

#idk man it's 8:50pm and I just got hit with a massive wave of depression lmao #like. I thought going to uni would help me gain some independence. I'd b able to go places and do things and meet ppl and have fun.#pretend to be normal for the first time in my life. and for one year I had that. and it's all just been taken away from me #I wanted to go to the queer arts club. visit the farmers market and goth store. sit in the parks. experience being a human.#I haven't done anything that isn't schoolwork or medical in months. I've barely gotten out of bed.#I wanted so desperately to finally be out of my abusive parents constant supervision and now I'm even more reliant on them than before.#idk man I've been having an Awful time since September and it's only gotten worse since December and I can't take it much more #I lived here so I could try to meet ppl and do things and get out of my comfort zone. I haven't spoken to another human in months.#and now I'll never get to.#idk dude it's just. I have a lot of feelings suddenly and I don't like any of them n I wanna relapse so bad but I'm physically too tired to #armchair speaks #vent post #tw vent #tw sh in tags

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mstase · 4 months

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🤱🏻 Moon & Mother

the moon in your birth chart can offer insights into the mother’s personality and your relationship with her ~ 🌙

SUN-MOON: your mother is confident and direct, likely pushing you to toughen up and build confidence, shaping your identity and the way you carry yourself. however, this encouragement may come across as controlling, as she may have a specific image or standard she wants you to meet. this could create tension as you navigate between fulfilling her expectations and developing your own individuality. at times, she might seem arrogant and boastful, adding complexity to the dynamic

MERCURY-MOON: your mother is talkative, expressive, and enjoys logical discussions, but she can be critical, nitpicking, and lacks tact in communication. she values rationality over sensitivity and may often disregard or overlook your feelings. you might find yourself having frequent verbal arguments with her, but also chitchats. overall, her influence on you is significant, shaping how you think and communicate and likely instilling a preference for logic and directness.

VENUS-MOON: your mother is charming, sociable, and probably popular. her ability to effortlessly get her way into people has influenced you, leading you to believe that charm can make life smoother. despite your mother’s appealing qualities, there may be a two-faced and shallow side to her. your relationship with her is probably good, with few arguments, unless other aspects say otherwise. she played a significant role in shaping how you approach making connections and socializing.

MARS-MOON: your mother’s assertiveness and impatience, coupled with struggles in expressing emotions, likely resulted in frequent outbursts. her combative and defensive nature might have contributed to a home environment marked by conflicts and arguments. in response to this, you may have developed a heightened sense of alertness and the tendency to react quickly to diffuse or navigate such situations. your mother’s influence shaped the way you deal with emotions, leaning towards an aggressive approach

JUPITER-MOON: your mother is joyful, open-minded, and generous. however, her indulgent nature suggests a tendency to be overly lenient. your mother’s strong and dramatic reactions suggest that she responds intensely to various situations. perhaps she easily takes things personally and often makes small things a big deal. she may have influenced your wisdom, religious, and philosophical views, as well as your general outlook on life.

SATURN-MOON: your mother could have been emotionally guarded and strict, but she was also diligent and hardworking. early on in life, you were given a strong sense of responsibility, as your mother may have been preoccupied with her other duties. the bond between you two is serious and reserved, marked by limited displays of affection. growing up in an emotionally distant family taught you how to manage your emotions without support, which led you to develop emotional resilience.

URANUS-MOON: it seems that your mother exhibits moodiness and emotional distance, indicating a potential absence or distance in your relationship. childhood experiences marked by changes and unpredictability may have contributed to the inconsistency in your connection with her. despite this, she instilled in you a sense of independence and the ability to handle your own things. however, growing up, you may have likely felt like the odd one out in the family.

NEPTUNE-MOON: this can suggest that your mother may have been absent, either physically or emotionally, perhaps due to substance use or illness. another possibility is that she experienced abuse, and you had to bear the weight of her suffering, making you very sensitive to her emotions. despite your mother’s selflessness and compassion, there’s a deceptive side to her, meaning you might not have fully understood the true depth of her nature as you grew older.

PLUTO-MOON: your mother possesses a complex mix of traits, as she is both deeply loving and controlling. this can make you feel suffocated because she switches between being affectionate and dominating, showing strong and unpredictable emotions. it creates a storm in your relationship with her, sometimes leaving you confused as to why she acts that way. the power struggles you have with her add to the overwhelming feeling of conflicting forces in your relationship.

this is based on my observation & interpretation. take what resonates 💜 @mstase

#astro #astro community #astro notes #astrology #astrology observations #astro observations #astro placements #astrology community #astrology notes #moon aspects #astrology aspects #astrology moon #astrology blog

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sodasss · 1 year

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// abuse, neglect, mentions of sui/ed/sh, substance abuse

one of my mom’s ways of abusing me is throwing away my depression and anxiety meds, not taking me to appointments and letting my health decline because she knows i never say anything

i just got done with the dentist, thanks to my grandma making and taking me to the appointment. i’m a minor (15) so i can’t drive myself to appointments or get my own meds.

next week i have to go back to the dentist to get a few cavities filled, i haven’t been in a year and a half. issues with my back have gotten worse and i’m barely able to walk more than two miles now.

though i do think these kinds of things fall more under neglect than abuse.

when i was 11-13, my mom didn’t talk to me. at all. we lived under the same roof, except her boyfriend at the time lived with us. he was nice enough, at least he actually talked to me and tried to care about how i was doing. my mom ignored and shunned me when i tried to tell her that i had been struggling with sh, ana, and wanting to die. i still struggle with these things, and part of me thinks it’s because she ignored me when i tried to tell her.

the first time she talked to me in two years was to tell me that isn’t biological dad had died. her boyfriend left not a week earlier.

since then she’s left me to my own devices. i have to clean the house, cook dinner, look after the cats, dog, lizards, and my guinea pig.

the cats are easy enough to take care of, so are the two lizards. beelzebub, my guinea pig, never really does much, but she likes laying on me while i nap. the dog is a lot to take care of though.

all that, plus being a high school student with depression, multiple anxiety disorders (gender dysphoria, ptsd, cptsd, selective mutism), and chronic pain and chronic fatigue, and i get yelled at and beaten for my grades not being perfect.

it’s gotten to the point where footsteps nearing my room makes me flinch, and i know i can’t call cps on my mom because i’ve done it before and she lied to them. she told them i was lying. she still blames me for it and brings it up every time we argue.

“what are you gonna do? call cps? they won’t believe a liar like you.” she would say as she beats me down. day after day, weeks, months, years i’ve had to deal with this and her words will always sting.

last year i was failing biology, and i broke down in the classroom in front of the teacher because the grading period had ended that day and my mom would see i was failing three classes. i told her everything, how my mom was neglecting me, beating me, and how i had to take care of everything because my mom sits in her room getting high all day, how i had turned to alcohol to cope, as well as cvtting and my ana getting worse. she just hugged me and said that i needed more help than she could give, but if i ever needed to get away for a while or sleep in class, she would let me stay after school to make up what i slept through.

she said she’ll be here for me, whatever it is i need, then she sent me to the office. the counselor called my mom after the teacher told her what was happening with me and my telling her about my sh and substance abuse.

the counselor said she had to call my mom. i screamed and cried and begged her not to because the consequences would be horrible if she ever found out what i was doing. she didn’t listen.

the next day i showed up to school with bruises around my neck and all over the rest of my body. no one cared.

i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m so stressed and i’m scared. scared of her, of everything now. i’ve been 16 weeks sober, 7 weeks clean, still struggling with my ed but recovering.

i think i’m going to try moving out, but i don’t really even have a place to go.

#tw vent #vent post #personal vent #actuallyabused #just cptsd things #sorry for the vent #physical abuse #mental abuse #actually neglected #tw ed mention #tw sh mention

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bloodlust-1 · 4 months

Note

Would you be okay with writing something with a Tav who is a virgin that is kind of scared of sex but still desires Astarion?

Totally! I imagine Astarion to be completely shocked, but relieved. Why? Tav would never have to experience the sexual abuse he had. Some lovey-dovey Astarion, anyone?

Hope this is good enough anon! <3

˚ ° A purity like yours ° ˚ part 1

Astarion x fem Tav — fluff, Explicit 18+

Summary: Tav has a secret that’s been heavy on her heart. Her virginity was a topic she ran away from, but it’s time for Astarion to know the truth.

Notes: I LOVE making companions in love, it makes me whelm all up inside🥹 Not exactly smut, but talks of explicit topics. Part 2

Tav sat quietly, her eyes focused on the floor as Astarion licked the last of her blood from his lips. Tav was unusually silent and he wasn't sure what was bothering her so much of lately.

He paused and narrowed his eyes, "You're rather quiet this feeding, my sweet. Is something wrong?"

Tav lifted her head slightly and looked up at Astarion. "I'm just...thinking," she said softly.

To Astarion, Tav was always thinking of lately. Especially when he's done feeding from her. He was confused if maybe he had done anything wrong? Was she having any doubts about their relationship?

Astarion brushed Tav's hair away from her eyes and smiled. "About what?"

Tav looked away again, her brows furrowed in concentration. "Just...us, and our intimacy." She shook her head, pushing away the thoughts. "It doesn't matter. I'm alright."

Astarion cupped Tav's face in his hands and looked into her eyes. "It does matter. Tell me, what's wrong?"

Tav sighed. "I feel so...embarrassed." She mustered any courage to finally look at him, her eyes glistening. "I feel like there should be something more to this. W-When you feed from me, I mean."

Astarion tilted his head confused, "You're embarrassed because you want to do something more?"

Admittingly he was blank. But when Tav opened her mouth his eyes widened in - anticipation. Even his ears pointed up with shock.

Tav didn't know which stung more, the fresh punctures on her neck or her confession.

"I just want to make you feel good and I want to have sex with you but-"

Tav bit down on her lower lip, she could feel the heat running into her eyes as her vision became blurry. "I just don't know how...I've never had sex before."

Tav finally allowed the emotions that had been building up inside her to come pouring out. She felt a deep sense of relief, but at the same time, a wave of shame washed over her. She felt embarrassed for even having to ask Astarion for sex, feeling naive and inexperienced.

At the same time, Tav felt so inadequate when it came to physical intimacy; Astarion was the only one who had any sort of skill in that area. And it made her feel so small.

Astarion's expression softened as he realized what Tav had been hiding from him. "...No -...you?"

Tav wiped away the single tear, nodding.

Astarion felt his face burning as his heart raced and his palms grew sweaty. Tav was absolutely stunning and he had been wondering why she had grown so flustered and shy when her body trembled and begged for him. Now it all made sense.

"But..." Astarion cut himself short in the midst of his thoughts, overwhelmed by the magnitude of her offer.

He was taken aback by her beauty, her inexperience, and her willingness to give him something so special, something so treasured and valuable.

But Astarion felt undeserving - he couldn't help but feel guilty. He knew she deserved much better and that her virginity was too precious to give to someone like him.

He chuckled softly and scratched the side of his head, "I am the worst person for this." Meaningful sex? This was completely foreign to him. How could she even ask him that? Of course, he wanted her more than anything.

He leaned over and with the pad of his thumb, he wiped away Tav's damped cheek, "Now, now, little love." His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer until she sat on his lap. "You should not feel ashamed of something like this. I mean, look at me."

Astarion's ears lowered in shame as he half smiled, "I can't remember half the people who used my body. I wish I knew a purity like yours." He rested his head on Tav's shoulder, "I'm just relieved you will never feel what I've felt."

Astarion felt protective towards Tav more than ever, he wanted to keep her safe. No harm would come to her as long as he was there to watch over.

Tav threaded her fingers between his white curls, sniffling away the embarrassment, "I want to feel you in every way possible, even if you think you're unworthy." Her lips connected with the skin of his forehead. "You were always special to me, Astarion."

He shifted his head up, catching the glisten in Tav's eyes. She chose him and still continues to each day. "You're full of surprises, aren't you?" He scuffed sarcastically before pulling Tav into a kiss.

His hands gently caressed her spine down into her back dimples. Astarion felt Tav shudder under his hold. She started to breathe heavily into the kiss, "I want you to know how much I love you..." Her eyes locked with his.

"Darling, you don't need to prove yourself with your body." The tension around them went soft and he held tightly onto her body, laying them both down against Tav's bedding.

Astarion cuddled Tav closely against his chest in an embrace. "On a perfect night, when the sky is clear and the environment is forgiving, I will take you into me and make you feel things you've never felt before. Ecstasy, my love."

"What if I don't know what to do?" Tav nervously glanced up at Astarion, who was quietly gazing out into the distance while gently stroking her hair. He was trying to be patient and not pressure her into making any decisions.

He wanted to take her under a bed of stars, and tonight he just wanted to hold her in his arms. Shield her from anything like he wished someone did for him. He would be that somebody he needed so long ago.

"I'll teach you, of course." He reassured her softly, still stroking her hair.

"You're not the only one who would be learning something." He peeked down at Tav, a smile tugging on his lips smugly.

"What, how?

Astarion's hands ran down Tav's side. His touch was gentle yet confident as he moved lower and lower. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear, telling her how beautiful and perfect she was. "I need to learn what gets you hot - "

Astarion smiled slyly as he felt her body react to his touch, knowing that he was driving her wild. His hands moved with a sensual grace as if they had done this many times before. "Where you shiver - "

"Where it hurts - " his hand gripped Tav's ass firmly, making Tav blush and squirm. Astarion continued to fondle Tav's ass, enjoying the feel of it in his hands and the way that the heat from Tav's skin seemed to seep into his own.

He leaned over Tav's ear, whispering teasingly, "Where you would want me to cum. Inside your tight cunt, or outside your soft stomach…"

Tav's body grew hot and her heart raced as Astarion's hand explored her body. She gazed up to look at him, her eyes wide with surprise and pleasure. Astarion smiled and leaned in to kiss Tav, their lips lingering together as he continued to caress Tav's ass. Intertwining their tongues together in a harmonious dance. She felt herself melting into his embrace, her body trembling with pleasure.

After what felt like an eternity, Astarion finally pulled away, and a satisfied smile tugged his lips. Tav blushed deeper, wondering what Astarion was thinking.

He chuckled, leaning in to kiss Tav's cheek. "You're so beautiful," his voice low and husky. Tav felt the aching between her legs, but she smiled, feeling her heart swell with happiness instead.

Sex was a scary thing for Tav. However, Astarion made her feel safe and seen, so maybe it was all in her head. She looked forward to when Astarion would take her as his.

They lay there in each other's arms for a while, their bodies intertwined in a peaceful embrace. Love was more than just sex, and it proved a hell of a point to them both.

Part 2 here

Any thoughts? Comment 👇🏼 I love to engage!

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 tav #bg3 #bg3 fluff #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion acunin #astarion x tav #astarion fanfic #astarion smut #astarion x reader #astarion #anon ask

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mistydeyes · 11 months

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141 and what their patient file looks like

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summary: This is what I imagine everyone's favorite pharmacist as well as medics see when they look at 141's medical file.

Based on this pharmacist and 141 interactions

pairing: Task Force 141 x pharmacist!Reader

warnings: medical/pharmacy terminology, medical inaccuracies, swearing, depiction of wounds, mention of substance use disorder and abuse

Terms

PMH - Past medical history - the total sum of a patient's health status prior to the presenting problem

FH - Family history - contributing family history, generally parents and siblings

SH - Social history - contributing social behavior and routine

a/n: not canon at all! this is just a reference for me

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Price

PMH

Height: 1.88 m (6' 2'')

Weight: 93 kg (205 lbs)

Blood type: O+

Extensive physical injuries

21+ stab wounds - 2 required antibiotics for recurrent infection

9x bullet wound - 5x in the extremities, 4x in the chest (no perforation of vital organs), healed without complication

5x abrasion collar - 1 near right eyebrow became infected following medical eval and stitches

3x diagnosed concussion

Aspirin-sensitivity

Previously evaluated for tinnitus and hearing loss

FH

Father - deceased at 76 from liver disease - 50 pack years, mycardial infarction (x2)

Mother - deceased at 84 due to chronic heart failure (CHF) -Glaucoma, asthma, CHF

Sister - Sports induced asthma, hypothyroidism

Negative family history of diabetes, hypertension, and cancer

SH

Smokes - 30 pack years

Drinks regularly - 4-5 hard liquor each weekend; 1 glass of whiskey occasionally

Physically active - Enjoys recreational activities such as hiking, swimming, and biking

Has 1 dog, currently under the care of pt's younger sister

History of monogynous long term relationships, currently single

Medication list + indications

Amoxicillin/Clavulanic acid 625mg - Infection

Morphine 15mg + Ketamine 3mg - IV - Pain

Paracetamol 750mg - Pain

Buproprion SR 150mg - Smoking cessation - not-taking est 2004

Allergies

Aspirin allergy - Reaction: hives and asthma - ONLY PRESCRIBE PARACETAMOL

No environmental, food, or animal allergies

Notes

Patient has denied smoking cessation options

Soap

PMH

Height: 1.88 m (6' 2'')

Weight: 91 kg (200 lbs)

Blood type: O+

7x stab wound - 6 required antibiotics for recurrent infection, 2 MRSA resistant

2x bullet wound - 2x in lower extremities, healed with no complication

6x abrasion collar

2x broken collar bone - healed, with no complication

Lactose sensitivity - Recurrent IBS if ingested

Chipped first left molar following opening a beer with teeth

FH

Father deceased at 68 due to heart failure - Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus, high cholesterol

Mother - Stage I HTN (hypertension)

Sister #1 - Postpartum depression, generalized anxiety disorder

Sister #2 - Elevated cholesterol/triglycerides

Brother - No known chronic health issues

Positive family history of diabetes and hypertension, but no cancer

SH

Drinks regularly and heavily - 8-12 beers and 2-3 glasses of hard liquor each weekend; 1 glass of scotch occasionally

Smokes socially - 5 pack years

Physically active

Close relationship with family, has 4 dogs at home under the care of pt's mothers

Avid fan of The Glasgow Football Club

Medication list + indications

Clindamycin 300mg with ciprofloxacin 400mg - Infection

Amoxicillin/Clauvanic acid 625mg - Infection

Vancomycin 18mg/kg - MRSA resistant infection

Paracetamol 500mg - Pain

Morphine 15mg IV - Pain

Doxycycline 100mg - Acne discontinued in 2004

Allergies

Insect stings - Observed anaphylaxis to childhood bee sting

Notes

Patient demonstrates medication non-adherence, counsel ESPECIALLY with antibiotics

Scored 6 on Alcohol use disorders identification test for consumption (AUDIT C)

Gaz

PMH

Height: 1.86 m (6' 1'')

Weight: 93 kg (205 lbs)

Blood type: B-

3x stab wound - healed, no complications

1x broken collar bone

2x broken femur

Diagnosed concussion - evaluated in Oct. '19

FH

Father - Type 1 Diabetes, high cholesterol

Mother - Vitiligo, Stage 3 breast cancer

Positive family history of maternal cancer and diabetes, but no hypertension

SH

Social drinker - 3-4 beers each weekend

Does not smoke

Physically active - Enjoys morning and evening runs

Enjoys spicy food and tries to introduce into diet

When on leave, enjoys attending concerts and music festivals

Medication list + indications

Piriteze 10mg - Allergic rhinitis

Fluticasone Propionate - 93 mcg/actuation - Allergic rhinitis

Paracetamol 500mg - Pain

Allergies

Seasonal - Pollen and pet dander

β-Lactam allergy - Reaction: anaphylaxis evaluated in '19

Notes

Organ donor

Ghost

PMH

Height: Weight: 1.93 m (6' 4'')

WeighT: 100 kg (220 lbs)

Blood type: AB-

Extensive cuts and scarring to entire body

4+ stab wounds - healed, no complications

Gun shot to lower abdomen - healed, no complications, evaluated in Nov. '22

13+ collar abrasion

2x broken nose

Childhood injury of broken tibia and large toe

Psych eval - History of depression and post traumatic stress disorder, childhood history indicates emotional and physical abuse

FH

Father - status unknown Diagnosed alcohol use disorder

Brother - deceased, cause of death non-contributory - Substance use disorder

Mother - deceased, cause of death non-contributory - Hypertension, thrombophilia (blood clotting disorder)

Positive family history of hypertension, but no diabetes or cancer

SH

Social drinker - 3-4 glasses of hard liquor each weekend

Smokes socially - 10 pack years

Physically active - Enjoys nightly walks

Psych eval - Other squad members act as his emotional support

Expressed interest in cats and tattoo art (FLAGGED: Further input and comments from other medical professionals would be appreciated)

Medication list + indications

Paracetamol 1000mg - Pain

Amoxicillin/Clavulanic acid 625mg - Infection

Morphine 20mg + Ketamine 4.5mg IV - Pain

Mafenide acetate 5% topical - Antimicrobial, burn wounds

Fluoxetine 20mg twice daily - Depression - not taking est 2001

Allergies

NKDA - No known drug allergies

No environmental, food, or animal allergies

Psych recommends evaluation of a pet, such as cat, for pt while on leave

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meatpoto · 2 years

Text

I hate my hair I hate myself I hate my skin I hate everything abt myself no one’s ever going to love I will never be someone’s first choice no one will ever truly love me no one ever has I don’t have any real friends I can’t speak to anyone I can’t keep anyone I hate my parents I hate my life I hope my parents suffer and I hope I fucking die I can’t do this anymore I can’t keep pushing myself like this I can go on anymore I can’t do it no on understands my pain no understand the thoughts that goes through my head they can’t understand anything there not even real no one is i can’t do this anymore

#tw sh vent #rant post #trauma vent #shit parents #self h@rm #emotional abuse #mentally tired #anor3x14 #vent post #mental illness #physical abuse #straving #i hate my body #i hate it i hate it i hate it #i hate everything #hatefilled #racisim #black trans #black ppl

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