#she doesn't know what's real and what's true anymore

[frankieunscripted]

My reasons to hate Drake

First things first, I'm the reales- wait, wrong theme. First of all, I would like to say this is NOT an unbiased recap, this is literally just me listing things I've hated about Drake for years. You might as well join in on the hate train. Go watch some YouTube video essays on this if you wanna know more!!! You'll find plentyyyy

Certified Pedophile ("allegedly"): Texting teen girls until they're of age and then go and date them. ew.

Cosplay Gangsta: disrespecting the culture as a whole, but especially what hiphop is about. Flexing money, cars, girls, drugs, clothes bc he never understood hiphop was never about flexing, but about being heard bc you're oppressed, about revolution. Now we got his die-hard fans running around acting like this is true rap. no. "You don't know nun bout dat!"

Culture Vulture: jumping from trend to trend in order to make it "his own", faking accents that he has no business playing with and dropping them as soon as he's done with this specific type of genre bc it's not trendy anymore. Adapting whole "personas" around this, instead of just merely collabing with other artists. Jamaican and African accents are just 2 examples here.

Blackness: Drake never really got out of his acting career. Back on DeGrassi he was acting as a high school jock. Now he's acting like a tough black guy who's from the streets and knows what it's like to be down bad, when this was never his life. Lil Wayne warned him to never change and act tough just bc he would sign to Weezy's label where the rappers were predominantly "gangsta type dudes". And what did Drizzy do? He's acting all tough and "outta dem streets". He's clearly overcompensating for not feeling black enough (I've already reblogged 2 posts about this, pls see these for further context). Drake's mad for not being referred to as a rapper who speaks on being black, when in reality the black experience was never of topic in any of his songs. He also doesn't give back to the community.

Lil Wayne: Drake had relations with fellow rapper Lil Wayne's gf (she actually was of age, ayoooo!) while Wayne was away in prison. Wayne got word of the fact his gf was cheating on him with the young guy he signed under his label and was pissed. Drake, in an effort to smooth out the situation, got Wayne's face tattooed on his arm. Say what you will about portrait tattoos, but this story is just so fucking typical Drake. How the fuck do you think this is gonna help anyone?

Validation: Drake donates money in the music video for God's Plan, only to earn more money with that video/song than he donated in the first place. He felt good about donating and then never did that shit again.

Numbers: As a great man once said: "Crack fiends bought 10 million rocks, that don't mean it's good. It don't mean nothing." (As you can imagine, that man was 2Pac). And with that I say that proving your worth in the industry by numbers don't mean a lot. It means you and your team figured out the market and started producing stupid, vapid, but terribly long albums to maximize streaming numbers, automatically bumping up your place in the industry. This is about quantity, not quality - good rap/ hiphop was never about that. Drake actively validates his music and status with his fame, money and streams and neither him nor his fans seem to get that says nothing about the artistic value of his music. "Numbers lie too, fuck your pride, too!" (I mean really, Baby Shark has 14 Billion views on YouTube - you think that's REAL artistry, Mister Aubrey?)

Cocky Ass Bitch: I would be okay with a lot of his music if Drake just knew his fucking place. He went pop ages ago, but still people (including himself) refer to him as a rapper - no even, as THE rapper, placing him in the Top 3. Sometimes I feel like y'all do this, just to piss me off personally. Apart from everything else wrong with Drake, there's nothing wrong with liking music like his persé. Not everyone likes conscious/ deep stuff and sometimes, when you with the homies, you just wanna chill and listen to something "mindless" - MIND you, I'm not looking down on "non-conscious" rap, I'm just saying not every artist has to be woke/ deep all the time and some "empty" party anthem about girls, fashion, cars and alcoholism is fun at times. These party anthems deserve their place. And a child actor turned rapper turned POP STAR is valid in my books - just not if it's Drake. Apropos cockiness: The dude compares himself multiple times to Michael Jackson and while that got a few good lines out of him, I believe it's close to fucking blasphemy. Drake and MJ on the same pedastal. I mean sure, questionable stuff happening with kids, both of them wildly successful in their industry (mind you, streaming like today wasn't around back then and many of the numbers cannot be compared), but one of them a real talent and the other one some guy who more or less made it as an industry plant. "I can dance like Michael Jackson? / I'd argue your skills really lack, son!" (okay sorry, I know, that was corny as fuck xD) Dude is flexing with numbers instead of poetic abilities -

About the art itself:

Ghostwriters: "What poetic abilities?", I hear you ask - Yeah, don't think I forgot! Best believe I been cooking this one. There's evidence for Drake having ghostwriters - which on its own is fine, don't believe every star writes every single bar on their own. My problem with this is, that Drake keeps his cocky attitude, even though many of his hits aren't really Aubrey-written and also many ghostwriters never get their credit (this is why they're called "ghostwriters", I know that this is not something specific to Drake, but slapping one more name on the credits ain't that hard, when you're worth a billion bucks already). This is the rap equivalent of flexing your homework when you know DAMN WELL copied it off of your best friend and did nothing for that success. I guess his song Right Hand wasn't about a romantic interested after all, but the dudes who been writing it!

STOLEN SHIT: Why in hell is no one mentioning this on here? Drake is KNOWN for stealing other artists' verse metres (referred to as "flows", y'all tumblr, idk how much you guys do know, okay?), melodies, whole beats, samples or verses in general. In no other studio would you see mentions of a "reference track" concerning songwriting. They take a song as reference and build around it as they construct a beat. There's PLENTY of evidence for this happening, one story really had me baffled, where a young indie-rapper met Drake in the early 2010s, gave him his CD to listen to and a whopping 5 years later the indie-rapper realizes Drake just fucking stole his entire song (a really personal one at that) on his latest album back then. Being indie, of course the guy had little to no means of fighting back with lawyers or anything, man's was working a 9to5 job and had other stuff going on. Before you wanna argue with me though: YES. There is a difference between stealing and paying hommage. One famous example is Drake biting Eminem's Superman flow on Chicago Freestyle: "But I do know one thing though/ Bitches, they come, they go/ Saturday through Sunday, Monday / Monday through Sunday, yo/ Maybe I'll love you one day/ Maybe we'll someday grow". The only good thing Drake ever did was changing Em's "Bitches" to "Women" on his song. Other than that: exact same few bars. This is a hommage. Why? Because Eminem, that's why. You can pay hommage to great, well-known artists with good bars. It takes a common ground of knowledge from artist to audience to make a hommage like this work. That can go well. Kendrick copies the flow of a Kanye West song on HiiiPower and it works just fine because you listen to either of the song and think: "Ah yeah exactly, that one part, okay, I see you." You don't pay hommage to a small, unknown, indie-rapper by copying his whole verse about his Mom, when you would never say stuff like that on your records before. You don't, because it wouldn't work. None of your listeners would understand the innuendo at all, because no one ever heard of the "great guy you'd be paying hommage to". So shut up.

Music: It's just not that good. Like yeah, he had a few bangers, but let's not exaggerate. Artistically Drake does not offer anything. If he ever did, he probably left all of that on the first few albums he still rapped on. His delivery sucks, his singing voice sounds like he's tryna be The Weeknd at times but isn't. The lyrics aren't special. What the fuck?

Euphoria: Even before getting deeper into hiphop, I've always hated the way Drake presents himself. When Kendrick said: "I hate the way that you walk, talk, dress" I felt that. I hate the way he "raps", the way he drags his words, the way he laughs, the way he "sings". Just a whole lotta shit I dislike about the guy.

Sneak Dissing: If you want beef then get in line, don't just kinda allude to it, you weak ass bitch

SENSITIVE ASS BITCH: I love a man who's in tune with his feelings but Drake being the cosplaying gangsta clown he is, acts like he's all tough when in reality, you can't really say shit to him, cause he "can't let this shit slide, ay".

Kendrick's Control Verse drops - a verse calling out multiple rappers saying Kendrick will come for them in friendly competition for the crown of being the best. Drake was mentioned. Everyone thinks it's kinda cool and goes along. Drake is mad. In an interview he basically said he found it fake because the next time he saw Kendrick "it was all love" and that he wanted it "to be real. Let it be real then". Okay crodie, next time you get called out in a fair rap competition, best believe I'll sock you in your fucking throat, I gotchu.

The Weeknd doesn't sign to Drake's label OVO after working with Drake for a while. Drake is mad again and feels betrayed. Why you gotta be like this?

Kendrick says that he doesn't wanna collab with Drake because their music is too different, not because of anything personal. He just doesn't see it happen in the near future because it would not match artistically. Drake gets mad.

Drake stopped beefing with Pusha T back in the day. Probably because he exposed his son. But still, if you want beef, then clean up your plate, bc you eat what you order and dont't just start to "let this shit slide, ay"

("allegedly") being involved in XXXTentacion's passing back in 2018 over beef. This beef started because of the flow of X's popular song Look at Me!, which Drake stole shortly after letting X know his management would contact him about a possible collab. As you can imagine, X was never contacted by Drake's people. The kid was 20 years old, man. He said some outrageous shit at times, but no one deserves to go out like he did.

Also, the famous DMX ("Y'all gon make me lose my mind!") once said in an interview that he'd like to punch Drake in the face and I support that. Kendrick and his homies laughed at the clip - as did everybody else, cause it's hilarious if a beast and a legend of hiphop hates Drake. Drake was mad at Kendrick laughing about it and not taking it seriously. What did he expect? Should Kendrick have went after DMX and made him apologize for what he said about lil Aubrey? How old are you? 5?

Drake gets mad at a lot of shit - bottom line. I could go on and on, but I've been writing this for hours, it's half past 3 am and I wanna sleep after uni and work, y'all.

DURING THE DISS-ERTATION: this section is about shit Drake did during the beef with Kendrick.

Saying Kendrick's Like That verse was weak af. That's your core response? Someone flames you and people are already throwing ass to the mere sound of it and you think: "Huh, that sucked anyway." Pathetic.

Calling Kendrick short (over and over and over again) as if his height is under his control/ his fault? - as if that takes way from Kendrick's skill, Kendrick's allegations againt Drake! - as if that means ANYTHING AT ALL to people over the age of like... 12?

Going after anybody's family in the first place. I know nothing is really "off-limits" in a rap battle like this, but please have the fucking decency. Don't mention my Momma, my kids, my dog, my fam, my friends who ain't got nothing to do with the fact that I hate you. I will say I am not proud of Kendrick for getting down on that level himself - but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy Meet The Grahams and the sheer panic it induced. And sometimes I gotta be a little childish and yell "But Aubrey started ittt!"

Hitting on Whitney in The Heart Part 6. Don't go for another man's treasure, you absolute dog. Accusing Whitney of being unfaithful. My friend, this beef is about us (the Culture) hating you and the things you do. Stop trying to shift this into something it is not.

Reacting to diss tracks via instagram stories and memes, like he's that one popular girl in 7th grade who's gotta clap back to something someone said in school on her IG. Shut up.

Calling The Weeknd and his manager gay. Are we not over homophobia yet? Being queer is not an insult. Also falsely "accusing" people of being gay is uncool as fuck - but oh "You don't know nun bout dat!" bc false accusations are basically everything you do - and also possibly outing someone like that is fucking hurtful as shit. I know the people involved are probably not queer at all, but if they were - period.

Using AI in a song at all. Drake, you already proved you suck. Don't force it down our throats. What part of you thought it would make you look good? What part said it would be good to do in a diss track, when the world knows diss tracks are even more a show of capability than other songs. Nah, you go and use AI. Idc about your "mind games": Using AI Snoop Dogg is just weird as fuck cause the Doggy is still well and alive - if you want him to feature on your song, call the legend and ask hi- oh wait, you knew he woulda said "Aww hell nah!" cause everyone hates you? Huh. Snoop probably woke up one day, hit a blunt and asked "When the FUCK did I collab with Drake?". Anyway, using AI 2Pac is straight up disrespectful, when you know damn well the guy would've hated you if he knew who you'd become. Just doing this because it's 2Pac, because you can and not even asking for permission of Pac's people is crazy. Glad the shit was taken down anyways.

The 8 Mile "Airing Out Your Dirty Laundry"-Trick before the big battle does NOT invalidate future claims on you diddling kids. No. Not even if 2Pac says it first. Nah.

His Damage Control Effort in post to make it seem like/make us believe that he's in control, when Kendrick has been bodying him is hilariously embarrassing. Anyone can claim the mole was fake "all along" after it happened.

Making fun of Kendrick for his verse on Taylor Swift's Bad Blood is just stupid. Look at all the features Drake does. Rihanna, BadBunny, DJ Khaled, Future, PartyNextDoor, Lil Wayne, Diddy, Nicki Minaj, Wizkid, ..... the list is so fucking long (I'm just picking at random songs at this point, cause I do not want my browser/spotify history to be associated with Drake's music. I don't wanna go out of my way to say he NEEDS these people to stay relevant but let's face it: His discography and his success would be different if it weren't for them

Acting like he's so great for "finally making Kendrick rap again" - Sir, you don't write your shit on your own, stfu. You don't invest time and effort into your vapid albums. YOU should be thankful for Kendrick destryoing you, giving us the best few lines out of you in a long time.

Not addressing important shit. We been over the allegations, I will not repeat them in this post cause this is already long enough. BUT y'all on the same page as me, aight? Instead of addressing EVERYTHING, he just responds with diss tracks that aren't terrible but really not THAT good, yk? Not going into the shit that we want to se addressed.

Acting like disstracks need replay value. Idk if this is a Drake or a fanbase problem, but people really act like Drake's tracks were better, bc you can listen to them more casually. "Kendrick basically made a whole song about Drake" - THIS IS WHAT A DISS TRACK SHOULD BE! Notice how we don't call every song containing a diss immediately a "diss track"? That's why. Diss tracks were meant to hit your opponent in the stomach with witty bars, double entendres, nice delivery and good production. Diss tracks weren't meant to be club bangers - bonus if they do end up being some though, looking at you, Like That and Not Like Us.

Not reading into stuff properly or just not listening. This is a small one, but ngl I hate the fact they got the Mother I Sober reference wrong (The song is NOT about Kendrick being abused, BUT about Kendrick not being abused and his Mom NOT believing him and passing her sa trauma onto him, even though he didn't experience that). Also Kendrick explicitly says "DOT, the money, power, respect / The last one is better" on Like That and Drakes response (again) is "Huh, I have way more money than you and in the industry, I'm way more powerful than you. Also, you so short tihhihi." BITCH he SAID respect was the most important of the three and you disrespect him, not by calling him out by his wrong doings but by picking on physical features the man cannot change like a 5th grade bully.

Anyways. phew. If you made it this far... wow. I'm impressed. I'll keep updating this. Thanks for coming to my beef talk.

EDIT: Thank y'all for the positive reactions on this post. If you seek more info/ want me to further explain stuff/ have even more dirt on Drake, let me know and we can work something out. -Frankie out

#reasons I BEEN hating Drake #drake diss #kendrick lamar #hiphop #culture #community #aubrey graham suxx #hate #rap #I'm beefin #(not yet) everything I hate you you #like that #the hear part 6 #chicago freestyle #superman #hiiipower #shut up frankie #rant #Not like us #euphoria #push ups #drake

[chantlight]

I still refuse to accept Cassandra having the same views on the Chantry at the end as at the start, that it is salvageable and necessary to salvage. to the point I don't think she'd become Divine even if she was elected. they put her faith through the woodchipper, overturned the very foundations of her life, proved everything she'd ever known was a lie, made her doubt whether her own faith that had defined her all these years was real or the construct of a spirit — then they didn't follow through.

#OOC / HOLLY. #it is so spicy !! she is so good as a character !! #her tagline is The Believer #she is immediately identifiable by her faith to the point that the way Solas and Cole speak of her #is similar to if she was a spirit of faith an embodiment of it #she is the youngest Seeker ever to pass her Vigil and with less training than any in history #which can only be accomplished by having faith so strong it calls a spirit of Faith to break Tranquility #she has been the Right Hand to two Divines and all but the face of the Chantry for twenty years #she disagreed at times but she never doubted #she is THE BELIEVER #and her faith takes the most vicious beating during DA:I — which thematically is all about the world being turned on its head #again she reaches a point where she doubts whether her own faith she has felt was ever real #the one certainty the one constancy the foundation on which she built her life her defining trait #and she's not even sure she ever felt it #she is HAUNTED by Corypheus saying the throne of the gods was empty and what that implies about the Maker's existence #she doesn't know what's real and what's true anymore #they gave us this DELICIOUS storyline and they did not follow through #I just needed them to stick the landing and they didn't stick the landing all they had to do was stick the landing #no way in hell does her stance on the Chantry remain unchanged by the end and no way in hell does she become Divine #I don't think she knows what to do by the end. she can't be convicted anymore everything's a lie

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[no-one-hears-me]

can't tell if this is a true bros before hoes moment or if I'm being unreasonable

#hard to explain in detail without like. using names and everything #also there's too many details if I gave the whole story #BASICALLY. quick recap. current main bf is my bestie's very good friend #bestie's ex cheated on him with 2 dudes? I think 2. and then they told him and he broke up with her obviously #after they broke up she tried convincing people that she did nothing wrong and he's evil and toxic and manipulative and whatever #including posting on every social media about it #even tho she literally had sex with multiple men while they were together... okay #also bestie is a sweetheart and very loyal and he would do anything for her so yk what she's saying about him isn't true #anyways. that was his only real relationship and so afterwards he had a lot of self esteem issues and trust issues and etc #he hasn't even tried dating anyone since then bc he doesn't want to anymore. bc of her #so now main bf who is very close with bestie and knows about EVERYTHING is trying to be friends with his ex #which is weird bc she blocked bestie and his other friends so idk how this dude is on good terms with her #but also. when your friend gets cheated on you're supposed to get mad and hate the ex. right? that's what most people do #I think it's weird and also kinda wrong to be friends with the ex after that #so I kinda like. don't wanna talk to this dude now bc I feel like he's disrespecting his good friend who also happens to be my good friend #my other friend got cheated on in a milder situation and all of his friends including myself stopped talking to his ex entirely #bc we don't like her we don't agree with her she's a horrible person etc #and the situation with bestie's ex was wayyyy worse I'm downplaying it and excluding details. she's evil #ALSO now that I think about it. bestie explicitly told this dude he wasn't allowed to talk to me and he still did #at first I didn't think it was a big deal but looking at it now? he just doesn't respect his friend huh #which I don't like bc that's my friend too wtf #yeah he's getting replaced I stand with bestie #Sera

[hot-coffemilk]

Okay, im feeling a little better, today was just very stressful

#lili.txt #been a while since i felt this bad about myself #sometimes i stop and think about the year i was in therapy and i have many thoughts #like even tho the therapist might have not been the best one for me it did help me a lot #like even today when i was sad i remembered a lot of what she told me and how like #to see the situations from other angles #and even stop to think like “and what about others people think of you?” #even if its somethings so simple u know #and i think last year that just got boosted since i was going out so much and interectting with a lott of people #and now it slowed down by a lot since i only have classes 2 days a week #so my mind is heela full #idk i feel like my brain doesn't want me to get sad #its like ill feel like “oh no one cares about me” and then my brain will be like “stop lying u bitch u know thats not true” #so i also dont really know how to deal with that #but also i was feeling very real when i said that im feeling lonely #i think bc of that of not going out much bc of not having a job anymore having less classe finnishing eng classes #and also bc im feeling a bit ignored by one of the most import person to me so its like </3 #so yeah im just gonna try to stay a tad bit more positive #like slowly but will try

[inkskinned]

okay if you're really cool about things, i can be honest with you. before you read further, decide if you're a girl's girl. if you're cool and actually cool or like not cool.

men don't talk in my book because i was fuckken tired of the way they're the center of every fucking story. i was tired of how every story takes a moment to let them talk. men can shut up for literally one fucking book.

unfortunately not everyone is cool. professionally what i usually say is i didn't want to add violence to the world. the only men in my book are abusers, so they don't get to talk. they don't get to take up space. they ruined my life, they don't get to have their words echo anymore.

because like, yeah! you find practically any story about a person surviving trauma and... there's a man at the center. men are often rescuing us from these things. a "good man" is always standing around, being a good man, proving to the victim that good men are the real men. that her experience was unique rather than universal.

the redacted text has not been taken well by all of my early readers. there is this weird, crouching growl that keeps occurring with men-of-a-certain-age. why don't we hear his side of the story?

when i sat down to write everything that happened to me, i couldn't look at the frank brutality of my abuser's words on a page and think to myself: i actually let him speak like that. i had to redact his words from the manuscript. i then left it redacted. no victim is going to read this book and hear the person who hurt them. it is a book for the victims to speak. abusers shut up challenge, forever. for eternity.

my father once told me, chuckling, i should just have a page of redaction where i let the man just finally talk. it is funny to joke about how we should make a whole page in my book about a man that hurt me. this was not the only time someone commented - it feels like you're hiding things. how do i know you're actually a victim if he doesn't get to speak?

there are books where women aren't even present. i even genuinely like some of those books. like, who doesn't like the hobbit?

i keep running into people defending this imaginary man. the default narrative is so true to some people that they will defend any man, just by virtue of the assumption - "if he's acting like that, you had to push him." certain people need definitive proof that you didn't accidentally make your partner into an abuser. they need to decide if you deserved it, because they want to be able to judge you.

which makes sense, i guess, from a hind brain perspective. if you can figure out "why" someone was cruel, you can protect yourself against it. if you defend the bully, the bully might side with you. i don't really know their explanation for feeling this about a character in a book. trust me, i wrote the guy. he is not going to protect you.

i guess i just - there was a time in my life where i desperately wanted anyone to defend me. where i could have really used someone saying holy shit are you okay instead of what did you say to make him act like that to you.

instead, over dinner, a friend-of-a-friend i just met is pouring herself wine. i heard you wrote a book, she says. she gives me the kind of chilly smile i associate with knives. i heard it's unfair to men.

#the author is nonbinary. don't get fucking weird. #btw if ur a woman and u do this u go to advanced special hell. like if u defend ab*sers at all #u dont get to pretend ur protected from being misogynistic. ur not. we all have internal work. #writeblr #i can't write lately wtf

[sidsinning]

To expand on Lucifer's neglect more

Yes he loves Charlie dearly, yes he showers her with his love and affection and semi-approval ("it's uh...got a lot of character!") when he sees her after all these years for the first time, yes he is desperately trying to switch back her reliance on Alastor to reliance on him- all these feelings are real and strong when she's right in front of him

-but when she isn't he is back in his own little world and rubber ducks. When he doesn't see Charlie in person she becomes white noise to him besides fleeting moments of courage and pining he gets to try and connect with her again. These are the moments where he regains a bit of clarity on just how fucked his family situation is.

He knows he has to maintain his connection with her somehow while also battling his own depression and urge to isolate and block off the rest of the world. They're in limbo of whether or not their relationship will finally be unrepairable, also expressed in how him and Lilith are not fully divorced, but still separated, with him still clearly loving her bc he still wears his wedding ring.

I love him, I think his love for Charlie is stronger than anything in his life, and I know he'd do anything he could for her (besides the one thing she asked which is very unluckily directly connected to his trauma)

But it's true that he doesn't listen to her, doesn't keep up with how her life is going, and has remained estranged from her as a child through her adult life for years for whatever reason (smtg implied through this flashback we don't understand yet, and/or his mental health issues)

For Charlie at this point, she's not a kid anymore, so just getting a call from him once in awhile is not enough if he still isn't addressing any of the issues that have built up between them, which has made her susceptible to being tricked by Alastor's empty words of praise and bonding

During Hell's Greatest Dad he isn't trying to address anything she's told him to, just trying to fix the surface level physical issues with the hotel to satisfy her- she looks uncomfortable the whole time he's trying to give her a sales pitch while smiling at everything Alastor says bc he is getting to her emotional needs, bc the bastard sees right through the father-daughter pair's issues

"I have angel powers! I can give you mountains of expensive things!"

"I'm always here for you! I'm so proud of you and all you've accomplished! We've grown so close bc I've always been by your side (unlike a certain someone 😇🐍🍎)"

He's excited when she asks him to come over, and we're excited for him to finally see his daughter he seems to love so much who doesn't talk to him, but from their conversation it is very much shown that Charlie is the one who has been more desperate to remain connected to him. She always updates him on her life when she can and asks him if he's paying attention to her- which he doesn't. Leading to her disappointment and/or annoyance with only jobs for her or random calls where he talks about smtg irrelevant.

I am a Lucifer stan through and through, but it is undeniable that he has not been a good dad despite being a good person. Now he's stepping up and reconnecting to Charlie again as she's fully accepting of him which is sweet.

It's also nice to see that helping Charlie and reconnecting with her is what brings him true happiness in life- bc of his anxiety and trauma he avoids the thing he knows deep down is the underlying cause of his unhappiness- his distant family and confronting their fractured relationship

So now that he's addressed a major part of the root of his depression, he stopped isolating himself, is being active, and given himself smtg productive to do, so his anxiety is down :)

Helping Charlie addressed how broken hearted he was over his family splitting, and restored the faith in humanity and good he lost after he was banished from Heaven and failed to redeem sinners when he tried

Shshsjdjdkfk I just love the characterization we get in just 2 23 minute episodes, even though the pacing is undeniably insanely fast and I would have preferred more time to marinate in it- but what can you do about capitalism vs. artistic freedom

#hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #charlie morningstar #sidrabbles #splurged at 2 am btw plz forgive any grammar mistakes or rambling

[luveline]

hey! would you mind writing sirius black x reader (ole flame or something) when they meet for the first time since azkaban at a meeting for the order? thank you and happy holidays!

thank u for requesting, hope this is OK! ♡

—you and sirius both get to go home eventually, 2.2k. fem

You were still kids when Sirius… went away. You thought he hurt James and Lily, and it didn't matter that you loved him because he was evil and cruel and he hurt the people he loved most in the world, and then you were outposted thousands of miles eastward, your life a shadow. 

Remus sent you letters. You always answered, even when it hurt, but his last was too much to believe. You told yourself that someone forged his handwriting through a curse or some new gimmick, and then a second arrived with a smaller envelope hidden inside. 

No name written on it. No Dear anything to begin. 

Things are different to what you've been told. Please come home, it said. This penmanship was shaken like a hand out of practice, but something felt familiar in the curves and dots. 

If Remus’ letter (and the second smaller one too) were in fact telling the truth, it means you did something awful, and so, for a while, you don't go. 

Please, the next letter says, again enclosed within a larger explanation from Remus, I'm sorry. I just want to see you again. 

Getting home isn't as simple as he might think. You have to picture the destination very clearly to disapparate, and you have no sustained recollection anymore of the places you used to go. You remember silly things, slices of memories; the four of them laughing in a big green field, the sweet smell of hair oil to your left; the beige walls of a rented flat where you'd lay in bed for hours, sometimes days at a time, before things got too terrible to sleep; a string-lit garden that last summer, hands of poker on a glass table. These places aren't real anymore. You can't go back to them. 

Upon your request, Molly forwards you an address and a secret code. 

Trains, buses, trains again. A long walk through a cold street. Some secret this or that. You arrive in the night and a frowning face ushers you in, past a painting sealed away and up the creaking stairs. You spend hours sitting on the end of a bed coated in dust waiting for the sun to rise, your back stiff with nerves. You could slip out before anyone else knows you're here, it's not as if Moody would give you away. But why did you come, if you were going to run straight back to your outpost? 

You don't want Sirius’ betrayal to be true, of course. It took your breath away imagining what it would mean if he hadn't done what you thought. If it's all lies (as it seems to be), if he's innocent as he and Remus claim, it means you turned your back on him and left him to suffer, and he's still asking you to come home. 

A few people stir for breakfast. Molly, who's voice you remember, and some younger sounding ones that may be her children, or perhaps the newer Order recruits. Then comes Remus’ voice. He sounds different. Less Welsh, more tired. Homely anyways as he passes your door with someone beside him. 

“...any day now,” he's saying, “try not to worry.” 

“I do worry. I've worried about it every day for years.” 

You freeze up. 

The stairs creak, Remus’ voice moving further away. “She doesn't need worrying.” 

Sirius must stay at the top of the stairs for a moment. He sounds close. “I wouldn't know what she needs.” 

“Come have some breakfast.” 

“I'll write her again.” 

“After breakfast.” 

“What if she doesn't come?” 

“After breakfast,” Remus insists. “She can ignore you once we've had toast.” 

“I forgot how funny you are,” Sirius mutters. 

Hearing his voice fills you with doubt. He sounds nothing like he used to, no easy confidence to be heard, just fatigue. 

You look down at your hands. Hearing his voice has a new emotion sprouting, too. When you first learned what had happened to your friends, you felt anger like a knife everywhere you went. How could he do that to them? How could he do it to you, be that person, ruin everything you'd loved and made together? But later, when anger faded and grief ached, you'd missed the Sirius you loved. Shamefully, in longing pangs, you'd toss and turn to dreams where things were different. 

Now there's a chance he might still be that person, and you're hiding from him in his own house. 

“There's someone here,” Molly says as you leave your room, her voice nearly too quiet to hear from the kitchen. “Moody's told me this morning.” 

“What?” Arthur asks. 

“Who?” a younger voice says. 

A small intermission of quiet. “Well, I don't know,” Molly says eventually, though she must have guessed it was you from the letter you sent. “But I'll need another loaf of bread. You'd better go, boys.” 

“Mum,” one whines. 

“Come on now.” 

The stairs whimper as you descend, the bannister sticky with old gloss under your hand. Paisley wallpaper and drapes catch your eye as you pass the overflowing shoe rack. There must be more people here than you'd thought. The coat stand is similarly overloaded. 

You can see into the kitchen as soon as you take the last step down. Molly stands wringing a dish cloth between her hands, two teenage boys at the kitchen table. Remus stands near her right with a cup of tea, and when he sees you, he genuinely smiles. 

“Oh, good,” he says, the scar that bisects his lip pulling as he takes a sip of tea. 

The teenagers turn to see you. “Bread, boys! Arthur, you can go with them," Molly says.

Arthur doesn't complain. You falter in the hallway, quiet as the trio of Weasley's leave the kitchen in their slippers to take a quiet exit from the front door. They smile politely as they go, but the boys whisper as the door shuts behind them. You wonder if they have an inkling of who you are, and then you wonder what you might say now they're gone. 

Molly remains, inquisitive to know that you need privacy but also the security of her company. She was always smart like that.

“Come in, then,” Remus says. 

“I–” You clear your throat. “I'm not sure I should.” 

A startle of silverware against china. 

Remus gives you one of his looks. It has tears threatening to well. Why didn't I fight to see him more? you think. Suddenly years have passed and he's changed, but his reassuring glances remain. It's like he's saying everything is fine, why wouldn't everything be fine? Chin up, dove.

Sirius appears in the doorway. Dark circles beneath grey eyes, his cheeks gaunt with hunger rather than the sleek sharpness he once possessed. He's still pretty, if wounded. It's as though you've found an old photo of him that's been smudged with age. He's stepped out of one of your moulding albums to haunt you. 

“Angel,” he breathes, his hand clasped low on the doorway, “you're here.” 

You look past him to Molly and Remus. There isn't a reality nor dimension where they'd let him stay here if they didn't believe his innocence. Remus explained it all in the letter and still you worried if he might have gotten it wrong, and simply believed what he wanted to believe, but it's not possible. Remus loved James so much, he would've killed Sirius himself if he really thought Sirius was the secret keeper who betrayed them. 

So. It's a relief to be home. 

You stare at him. “You look tired,” you say quietly. 

“I'm fine. I am.” 

He seems alright, considering. You'd even say he was handsome with his hair pushed away from his face, a dark shadow of stubble around his mouth, but he looks exhausted.  

You're expecting him to say what you'd say. How could you ever think I'd do it? 

Sirius was prone to similar bouts of pride, or righteousness, justice, whatever you want to call it, but he doesn't bother with that now. He looks at you as though you're the only person on earth, gaze narrowed but eyes wide, pain between his brows as he asks, “What's wrong?” 

Your hand finches up to your cheek to wipe the sudden tear away. “I thought I'd never see you again.” Your Sirius. 

“Don't be upset,” he pleads. 

“How can I not be? I left you all alone for so long.” 

He laughs roughly. “Sweetheart, what were you supposed to do?” 

“Not just give up.” 

“You thought it was me. That's the only thing you could've done. Either of you,” he says, gesturing backward with his hand. “It was hard… to know who to trust, at the end. It's not your fault.” 

You really were only kids together, not half as in love as James and Lily, but that doesn't mean you weren't mad for each other. He looked after you. You would've had a life, you think. 

“You were just gone,” you say, looking down at the floor between you, eyes tracing lines of wood grain. “Everyone. There was nobody left. And I just let you go.” 

“Do you want to come here?” he asks. You lift your head. His hand is barely in front of him, fingers open, palm up. 

It's like taking a stranger's hand for the first few seconds. You keep them low between you both, unfamiliar to each other. But, you find, as his fingers wrap around yours in that selfish way they used to do, squeezing rather than intertwining to make all of them fit, he remembers you.

You step a little closer, your arm to his chest, and look up at him through your lashes. It would melt him like a candle near a furnace, this look. He'd be smug or seething about something and you'd sidle in to stand between his shoes, unsure of what to say but determined to be there for him. It's the same now.  

“What's wrong?” he asks under his breath. 

“I left you all alone,” you repeat. 

“It wasn't your choice, okay?” He smooths his free hand from your elbow to your upper arm. 

Molly says something to Remus. He chuckles and says something in return. Happier to admit it if it's only for Sirius’ ears, you say, “I'm really sorry, Sirius. I miss you every day.” 

“I miss you too,” he says. 

You push your arms around his waist and hide your face in his chest, feeling for the lines of who he used to be, the dip of his spine in his back or the soft cotton of one of his old t-shirts. You regret hugging him at all, until he puts his arm behind your head, a shaky breath released against your crown. 

I'm scared, he'd said. But I don't want you to be scared, okay? Barely twenty, he smelled of the sticky red powder on the end of matches after a night doing things he couldn't tell you about. You could tell him you loved him, and he you, but you weren't to discuss Order business. We'll be okay. 

But Lily–

Everyone's going to be fine. I promise. 

“You promised,” you say to yourself. Too quiet for him to hear, but he does. 

“I promised you so many things I'm not sure what one you mean,” he says with a disappointed laugh. 

You pull away, taking his face into two hands. “How do you feel?” you ask, ignoring the tremble working up from your wrists. 

“What?” His eyes are dark. 

“How are you? Did they– I mean, are you okay? Are you sick?” 

“Remus has patched me up. And Cordelia, the medwitch, you know her?” 

“I don't know anyone. I've been away.” 

He nods sadly. “Yeah. Well, you look the same.” 

“I don't.” 

“You do! You look the same,” —he almost sounds happy, his lips curling into a smile— “sweetheart. Sweetheart–” He closes his eyes. 

You push his hair behind his ears. “You don't look the same,” you confess, “you have wrinkles, right… here.” You touch the corners of his eyes. 

“You're still beautiful.” 

“Mm. You can't even see me.” 

“I don't need to see you. I knew you would be.” 

You rise up to kiss his cheek gently. “It's like you're back, like– like, I always felt like you were gone. And now you're home again. You are home, aren't you?” 

He covers your hand with one of his. “You're here, so–” 

You laugh together nervously. “Yeah, I'm here.” 

“I have stuff to do to make it right.” 

“Then we'll do it.” 

“Okay,” he says. He swallows a breath, and wraps you in a surprisingly tight hug. “Did you read my letters?” 

I don't want anything from you. Just to see you're okay. 

“I read them. I'm okay. Don't I look okay?” 

“You look perfect. Just like the last time I saw you,” he says. It startles you how suddenly he sounds like he did when you were young, his flirting drawl, voice velveteen. 

“Not like that,” you laugh. 

He pulls you as close as you can be, rough now, his arms solid around you. “I missed that,” he says, rubbing your back. “I forgot how you sound when you laugh.” 

You've led very different lives. “I didn't forget yours.” 

“You wouldn't. You love having things to hold against me.” 

You stroke his hair. “Maybe a little.” 

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x fem!reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius x reader fluff #sirius black imagine #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fanfic #sirius black fic #marauders era #marauders #sirius black drabble #sirius black scenario #sirius black oneshot #the marauders #sirius orion black

[scarletlizzard]

OH I SEE YOURE TAKING REQUESTS...what about emo!wanda x emo!reader but wanda is like >:( and reader is more ^_^ happy and then reader is best friend's bucky and wanda is so jealous. idk it can be fluff or smut !! ( i tried to be a little more specific

Jealousy

Pairing: wanda x female reader

Tags Minors DNI: smut, wanda in a skirt, fingering (R receiving), little arguing, jealousy!

A/N: Hiii anon! Thank you soo much for your request!! It's been a busy week sorry for being late, but I hope this is okay and you enjoy jealous Wanda 😊

Wanda knows deep down that you would never cheat on her. She knows how much you loved her, how much you cared about her. In the time she's spent here at the Avengers campus, she's only ever taken a real liking to you, not interested in truly getting to know the others. And you, thankfully, gave her everything she needed.

But right now, she couldn't help the heavy feeling in her chest as she watched you with your best friend.

She stood with her arms crossed, biting down on her lip so hard it may just bleed, staring at you and Bucky. Wanda watches as your hand touches his arm, your head thrown back in a fit of laughter. He smiles at you with fond eyes, and oh, she can't take it anymore.

"Having fun?" She asks, words coming out more bitterly than she had planned.

"Wanda!" You say, and the way you beam at her almost makes her feel guilty. Then Bucky turns too, with his arm slung around your shoulder.

"Come to join in? We could actually use your help. It turns out both of us are shit at baking," Bucky jokes, and you both laugh, looking at the mess around the kitchen.

Your smile fades, though when you see the seriousness in Wandas face. Buckys arm slowly slides off of you, scratching his head awkwardly in the silence. Wanda tilts her head and okay, you were fucked.

"Actually, you know," Bucky clears his throat and looks at the time. "I was supposed to meet Steve for training a little bit ago." His metal arm pats your shoulder, giving you a good luck look before walking out of the kitchen.

"Baby... what's wrong?" You frown and walk around the counter to her, your hands moving up to her shoulders. She shrugs you off, crossing her arms. "What's your problem?" You ask, annoyed she was pushing you away.

"What's my problem?" Wanda spits out, a sarcastic laugh leaving her lips. "My problem is you two are always all over each other! He's always looking at you like he wants to fuck you!"

"That's not true!" You defend, raising your voice to match hers. "Bucky is my best friend, that's it! That's all we've ever been, all we will be."

"Right, okay. You're literally always hanging out with him, I dont see why you have to spend so much time together." She rolls her eyes.

"We're friends!"

"Friends don't eye fuck the other friend! Don't be so stupid."

Your eyes widen at her words.

"Sorry you don't have any friends to hangout with because you fucking hate everyone." You cross your arms, dishing it out as she does.

"Fuck you," Wanda replies.

"Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you have to take it out on me."

Her eyes shoot daggers at you.

"Jealous? I am not jealous." She seethes, taking a step forward. Your back hits the counter as you take a step back, her usually soft green eyes dark as she peers into yours.

"You are so jealous." You bite your lip, taking in her angry appearance. She wore your zip-up jacket over her shirt, a dark skirt around her hips. Her fingernails were still black from when she painted them the other day.

Wanda doesn't speak, she only takes another step, pressing her chest against yours. The tension between the two of you built up with every word spoken.

"I'm not jealous, Y/N. You want to know why?" She asks, her hands move to the counter behind you, trapping you in her presence. You only look up in reply, with a questioning look. "Because you're mine. And if I have to remind you of that again, I will."

Wandas eyes flash red, and you feel yourself being lifted a few inch onto the counter.

"Wanda, what are you-" You look around the empty kitchen and to her, who is now level face to face. Her hands moved to your thighs, spreading them apart, and you've never been more grateful for stealing one of her shorter skirts this morning.

"What if someone walks in?" You ask, feeling the wetness pool in your panties at the way she kisses your neck.

"Hopefully, it'll be him." She mumbles, and your cheeks burn red at the possibility. You feel her fingers slide your soaked panties to the side. You grip onto the jacket she wore, pulling her as close as possible.

"So wet, detka... tell me who made you this way," Wanda whispers, and you feel her fingers dip inside of you easily. You bite back a moan as she begins to move them.

"You, Wanda.. fuck - just you," you lean forward, pressing your face against her neck as she fingers you right there.

"Don't hide those pretty moans, let me hear you."

"I'm yours!" You moan out.

"Say it again."

"I'm yours, Wanda," you pant against her skin, her fingers thrusting inside of you at a quicker pace. When you feel her thumb press against your clit you feel that familiar burn in the pit of your stomach.

"Nobody else is allowed to touch you like this except for me." She whispers against your neck and bites down, marking you as hers. You nod desperately, holding onto her as tight as you can.

"Baby, I-I'm so close," you moan into her ear as her fingers work inside of you, and she smirks at the delightful whimpers that leave your lips.

"That's my good girl... let go detka. Tell them who you belong to," she says, forcing your head out of the crook of her neck. Her grip is strong in your hair, and your legs tremble around her. It's not long before you pathetically are moaning, "Wanda!" Into the kitchen, releasing onto her fingers, your panties now drenched.

Wanda takes all you have and removes her fingers from inside you, slipping them into her mouth. Her eyes burn red at the taste, and she pulls you into a heated kiss, making you taste yourself on her tongue.

You pull back to catch your breath, letting your head hit her shoulder hard. She chuckles at how cute you were and wraps her arms around you, you do the same. The two of you hold each other for a moment as you sit on the counter still.

"I'm sorry, for saying what I said..." Wanda says, her voice soft. Your fingers move in circles on her back.

"I know... I'm sorry, too. I promise there's nothing going on between us. I love you so much." You kiss her jaw, and she smiles.

"I don't hate everyone, you know," she jokes, lightening the mood. "I especially love you."

You can't help but laugh, pulling back to see the now playful look on her face. Wandas soft spot for you made your chest swell, you loved how different she treated you.

"You only love me," you giggle and kiss her nose. She groans and rolls her eyes.

"Fine, you're right," she chuckles and leans forward to give you a sweet kiss.

A noise from behind you pulls you from her kiss, you see Bucky standing in the doorway clearing his throat. You hop off the counter, feeling Wandas arm wrapp protectively around your waist.

"Forgot my phone," he says with a hint of pink on his cheeks and points to the phone next to you. You watch as the phone glows red, and it's suddenly floating in the air towards him. He catches it as it drops in front of him.

You turn to Wanda, watching her eyes return to green with an unbothered look on her face.

"You know, you kinda really scare me. I like it," Bucky says to Wanda, a smile taking over his face. You groan and put a hand over your face. Wanda can't help the smirk on her face, satisfied with herself as the man leaves with a wave.

"Happy?" You ask, turning to look at her satisfied smirk. You take her hand in yours, feeling the cool metal of her rings against your fingers.

"Very," she beams down at you, kissing your cheek.

#marvel #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x you #wanda x fem!reader #civil war wanda #wanda in a skirt ahhhhh #scarletlizzard asks #thank you anon!!!

[nsharks]

bleeding blue | apocalypse au

part fourteen —other parts

pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x fem!reader words: 3k tags: death. blood. cannibalism mention. zombies of course. AFAB reader. single dad ghost. there will be sex but it isn't here yet. slow burn!!! enemies to lovers. summary: After losing your companions, you run into a skull-masked man and his daughter. They are your last hope for survival.

Blue holds her arm out, stopping you from taking another step.

"Sh. I see one."

Up ahead, a squirrel stills on a tree, beady eyes unblinking. In a matter of seconds, Blue throws her knife and pins it to the bark through the stomach. 

"Nice," you comment. "You got it on the first try this time."

In your hand is the other squirrel she killed for you. Ghost started working on your bow yesterday. He didn't say anything to you about it, but you spotted him sitting on the porch chiseling away at a hunk of oak. Until he's finished, you've struck another deal: helping Blue skin the rabbits in exchange for her killing squirrels with you. She's better at killing them with a knife than you are. 

"This is good practice for me." She wriggles the knife out and hands you the kill. "Poor guy didn't see it coming."

"Probably better that way."

She slips the knife back to her ankle. "Do you need more? Or is two enough."

"Two is enough. I saw these flowers by the trench that I think are edible."

"You can eat flowers?" She makes a face. The two of you begin heading back toward the camp. You didn't go off too far with her. Ghost said she wasn't allowed to go past the pond without him. Truthfully, you were surprised he let her go with you at all. 

"Yeah. Pink Sorrel. They taste lemony, and I'll add the leaves, too. Like a salad."

"Yum," she says sarcastically. "Did Paul teach you that?"

You nod. "He knew a lot about plants."

"Are you sure he didn't like you?" 

"Blue," you almost groan. "You've asked me this twice now."

"Well, you seemed to have spent a lot of time with him, and he taught you a lot of things."

"You can spend time with someone and learn things from them without... liking them."

"I wouldn't know," she shrugs, waving her hand around. "There are no boys here for me to spend time with besides Ghost." 

"Paul didn't like me in that way," you reaffirm. "Besides, he's dead."

There is a lingering pause as a cloud rolls over the sun, turning everything dim before it passes. The weather these past few days has been fluctuating like true spring. Cold showers in the morning, intense sunlight by noon, and clouds that come and go. The cabbages Blue planted have sprouted fat, juicy leaves. You've mentally scolded yourself for not including seeds in your deal with Ghost. 

"So when are you and Ghost going to start training or whatever?" Blue speaks up, switching subjects.

"Training?" you repeat.

"He told me you wanted to learn some things." She glances at you. "Look, let me just warn you, he can be a real hard ass. One time, he made me climb up and down a tree twenty times without stopping. And another time, he made me throw knives over and over until I hit the exact same spot on the tree again."

Right. Somehow, that last request you made of him has slipped your mind. You did ask him to teach you how to better defend yourself against other people.

It's been over a week now, and the two of you still haven't talked much except for the necessities. Honestly, it's probably best that way. Maintaining a clinical relationship with him should keep the peace and maybe even earn more of his trust. You're growing confident that he doesn't see you as much of a threat anymore. Last night, you ran into him again after waking up from another dream, and all he did was walk past you, step outside for a cigarette, and then go back to his room. He didn't seem suspicious of you being up at all.

That said, the reminder of the 'training' he's supposed to give you makes your teeth snag onto your lip. 

When you don't respond, Blue adds, "What exactly do you want him to show you? I hate to say it, but I don't think he'll give you one of his guns."

"No," you shake your head. "I don't want that. It's not Greys that I'm as worried about. As long I've got distance, I can use my bow for them. It's more about... other people. They get close. Too close."

"Well, you can always bite their nose off," she gives a bump to your shoulder.

You cringe. "I'd rather not have to do that again."

She pauses, looking at her boots. "What did it taste like?"

"Fucking awful. Probably the grossest thing I've ever experienced."

She looks up. "If you were a Grey, you would've loved it."

"Well, I'm human still, and I much prefer these guys." You wag the dead squirrels in front of her face and she laughs. If you could replace all her tears with that sound, you would.

"You still haven't answered my question," Blue tilts her head. "When are you getting started? Because I have some training in mind for you, too."

You arch a brow but don't question it. "Um. I don't know. Ghost hasn't said anything to me about it, and he's busy working on my bow right now."

"Why don't you ask him, then?" She shoots you a knowing smirk. "Are you scared of him, Twix?"

"No," you say all too quickly. "No... I'm not. I just don't know how to talk to him. He's not exactly approachable."

"Just do what I do. I say whatever I want to him. Except when he's pissed, then—" she freezes for a moment and lays a hand on your shoulder. "—it's better to shut up and listen. Believe me."

You speak under your breath. "Noted."

It's another dream that night which pushes you to actually confront him. The loud voices sharpen into images— a bloodied knife at your throat, a toothy smile, carved body parts. You wake up and grab your neck, expecting to feel severed tissue. Instead, you feel damp skin. Something bubbles up your throat and fills your mouth. Squirrel and Pink Sorrel. The taste makes you shudder, but you swallow your dinner back down. The dark, quiet living room mocks you. 

The morning after that, you find him on the porch. It's not raining, but the air pricks the back of your neck with dew. You've already bathed and woven your hair into braids, which is growing longer by the day and bordering on an inconvenience.

Ghost tilts his head the second a wood plank creaks beneath your footsteps, tearing his gaze away from the assortment of carving knives in his lap. You've caught him in the moment before he's started to work on your bow again.

He is wearing that balaclava that makes him look more man than ghost, along with a black hoodie and faded, brown jacket. The whites of his eyes are visible, slowly sliding up to yours. You fully realize he isn't going to greet you with a hello, and standing there in an uncomfortable silence doesn't interest you, so you bite the bullet.

"I want to start that other thing I asked you for."

He seems to know what you're referring to. "Right now?"

Your nails dig into your palms, realizing that you should've waited for a time when he wasn't preoccupied. Though, he's hardly ever not doing something. 

Blue was right. Something about him has you subconciously on the defensive; it's something you want to get over if this living arrangement is going to be long-term, which you'd prefer it to be. It was about two months ago now that he nearly killed you, and since then, he has kept you alive ten times over. Maybe you should focus on that: on the hand that pulled you up, on the warm jacket over your shoulders, on the bow he is making.

"Whenever you have the chance. But— now, if we could."

Ghost lowers his eyebrows and seems to think it over. "Now is fine. Your bow will have to wait a bit, then."

"That's okay," you speak as you exhale. "I don't mind."

It's at that moment Blue pushes through the front door and you almost startle. "Can I come with you guys?"

Ghost folds his knives up and responds in a firm tone. "No. You have work to finish up."

"But my leg is hurting," she retorts lightly. "I'd rather sit and watch you guys."

"Your leg was just fine yesterday when you were hunting and climbing trees." 

"That was yesterday. Today, it hurts." She bites her lip and shrugs.

"How convinient." He gives her a dry look.

"So is that a yes?"

"It's a no."

With a groan, she goes back inside. 

Ghost escorts you out of the gate and towards a small clearing nestled within a circle of trees. As you follow behind him, you find your eyes straying to his broad back and for a moment, you wonder if maybe you've changed your mind— or maybe you want to tell him to wait until Blue can come join.

But you remind yourself that survival is a proactive game; you can't laze around and keep getting sick from the memories. You need to shut them away into that box you've made, and in the meantime, get stronger.

"Here is good," he says, stopping.

It's been awhile since you've done anything like this. There were plenty of times Paul 'trained' you. He used to make you shoot at the trees until your back muscles were practically immobile. As an ex forest ranger, he wasn't much of a fighter. His advice was always this: "Don't let anyone or anything get close enough to where you have to fight them."

Clearly, his advice can only go so far.

In the five years you were at your old camp, you managed to keeps things at a distance for the most part. A few Greys had snuck up on you, resulting in thrashing and wrestling around to avoid bites. But there were only one or two times that you had to engage in close combat with a human. The few other survivors you encountered were usually punished by Paul's rifle or your arrows. 

You shed your jacket and hang it on a branch, left in just Ghost's shirt and your jeans. "So, um, what should I start with? Running laps?"

"You want to learn how to defend yourself, not run a marathon."

"Right." You nod and rub at the gooseflesh that sprouts on your arm. You turn to face him. "I was joking."

Ghost ignores your comment with a pensive expression, staring you down across the short distance. You put on a blank face and meet his eyes expectantly. 

The silence stretches for a second longer than what would be deemed normal. Is this just how he is, then? Or is it only with you? You're about to say something to put an end to it when he suddenly crosses his arms over his chest.

"You were a nurse." It should come out like a question, but it's more of a statement. His voice nearly makes you jump. 

You can't help it; you look away. "Um. I... wasn't, actually."

Why is he bringing this up? Never once has he asked anything about you. In fact, you sometimes toy with the thought that he might have forgotten your real name by now.

"Figured," he says.

You frown, flashing him a confused look. "What? Why?"

"You're a bit too young to have been a nurse five years ago."

You think back to the moment he found you with an inward wince. "So you knew I wasn't telling the truth?"

"It didn't matter if you were or not."

That's right. I don't need a nurse, he said. 

"It wasn't a total lie," you clarify, dropping your arms at your sides. "I was in nursing school."

He rubs his chin. "You should understand the body, then— its weak points."

Your fingers flex before they gesture to your face. "The nose and eyes are obvious ones. But... but if someone grabs me from behind like," you forcefully inhale, "Like you did, then I won't be able to reach them."

He gives a short nod, then looms closer. You will your boots to remain planted in the damp soil despite the overwhelming proximity and intimidating mass of him. You blink up as he points a gloved finger to the hinge of his jaw. "There's this, too. Pretty easy to dislocate." His fingers move to side of his corded neck. "And here. The throat is weak and vital."

"I still wouldn't be able to reach those," you point out.

"You have more than just your arms, Twix."

"So my head, then?"

"That's one way." He moves a step back and you release a breath you didn't realize you were holding. "Why don't you show me what you'd do— give it a try."

The suggestion should be expected given what you're asking of him— of course he would have to touch you at somepoint. Yet, it makes you stiffen. He motions his hand for you to turn around and with great hesitance, you comply, until you hear the crunch of twigs beneath his boots as he closes in behind you. You stare straight ahead at a tree and focus on breathing. 

"Relax. I'm not going to hurt you."

His flat tone makes your eyes twitch in irritation and you are glad he can't see them. "Yeah. I know."

Just as he did all that time ago, his burly arms wrap around you, though not as firm and threatening. Your feet don't hang and you're not skin and bones this time, but once again, you are imprisoned against a hard chest. Your lungs pick up their pace and an artery in your neck jolts. 

"Just show me what you'd do," he says slowly, warm breath fanning across the top of your hair. "Don't worry about hurting me."

You wriggle against him, but even without issuing all his strength, it's useless. You stomp on his foot, figuring that toes are pretty vulnerable, but his thick boot hurts your sole more than you could possibly have hurt him. Your eyes begin to sting. You suddenly find yourself panting in frustration. Before you can even think about trying to use your head, full-blown panic unfurls in your chest. 

"Let go," you say under your breath. He must not hear you. Your voice turns to a snarled hiss. "Fucking let go of me."

His hold immediately loosens and you stagger forward, creating much-needed distance. Heavy breaths scratch up your throat. You wipe the back of your hand over your forehead and close your eyes for a moment, seeing blood and burnt skin against the backs of your lids. When you reopen them, Ghost is staring at you. The humiliation sets in as a red flush on your cheeks.

"Sorry," you shake your head and stare up at the clouded sky. "Just— maybe we should go back." Your arms hug around your stomach to keep its contents contained. "We can start this another day."

Throwing up in front of him again is low on the list of things you'd enjoy doing. He's already seen you near-death— no need to add a mental breakdown to your repertoire. Your lips press tightly together as you head to the tree for your jacket, but his gruff voice pauses your fingers against the embroidered flag on its sleeve.

"This isn't going to work if you don't tell me what is bothering you."

Your hand drops. "What?"

"What happened when you went to get the ammo, Twix?" he presses.

"I..." 

To tell him would be to pry open that box you've made and let him peek inside. He has never even asked a single question about you until today, so you press onto the lid, tight, and turn to face him with pleading eyes. "I don't want to talk about it with you, Ghost. Don't make me."

In response, he lifts up his hands in resignation. "Alright." He lowers them. "Why don't you at least tell me how you handled it?"

"Why?"

He taps a finger to his masked temple. "So I can understand how you think. How you keep surviving all this shit."

The wave of nausea settles as you form your response. "I... I burned him. He cleaned the bite on my arm with some alcohol. I distracted him a little and then smashed the bottle on his head. I had my lighter, so I used it."

Slowly, he nods, as if your words are not all that surprising to him. "And how about at the base when I left you?"

"There was that Grey," you remind him. "I bit the guy's nose and pushed him into it. If it hadn't been there, Blue and I would be dead. You see? I survived because I was lucky. I hardly know what I'm doing."

Ghost argues. "You survived because you saw opportunities and took them. You were smart about it."

"And what about when there are no opportunities? I will just panic like I did now." The tightness in your chest turns into something that has you roughly grabbing the jacket and sheathing your bare arms. "Let's just go back now.”

This time, he doesn't protest. The silence that clouds the short walk back is expected on his part, and purposeful on yours. 

#simon ghost riley x you #simon riley x reader #ghost #cod #simon ghost riley x reader #fanfiction

[callsign-datura]

mhm just read your fuckboy!ghost and what if reader decided enough is enough, like she’s tired of the fwb and wants a real thing but ghost are too afraid of commitment alright? ok but what if she ended the thing by ghosting him and he regretted for not making the reader, his girlfriend iskdkdjeksn idk im in a mood angst LMAO

"Ghost, come on, we've been at this for months." You plead, your hands clasped together as you stare up at him from your position beside him. Your eyebrows knit together as you see a glimmer of emotion flicker in his eyes. A low sigh leaves his chest and his response is low. "I can't, doll. Every time we've talked about this, I told you. I. Can't." He says, turning his head towards you and looking down at you.

God, you were so... cute. Cute, in a pathetic way. With rosy cheeks, glassy eyes, and quivering lips. He almost wanted to kiss you. He knew that was what you wanted, it was what he wanted too.

"Well, I can't with the fact you're somehow perfectly okay with not having a relationship. Fucking three times in one week, then you ghost me for two. It's getting really fucking tiring, Simon." Your voice is exceptionally sharp, and you're getting stern. He hasn't heard this from you before and it's odd to see you respond so strongly. Normally you're so passive, and... he would be lying if he didn't find it hot. But a familiar twinge of fear made his stomach flip, and he started feeling uneasy. His eyebrows knit together as he looked down at you, brown eyes swirling with a mix of fear, desire, and hurt.

As he stared at you, disappointment made your heart drop and your shoulders sag. "Whatever, Ghost. I'm sick of just sitting by and letting you walk all over me as if I'm just some toy to you."

"Doll, you know that's not true," he grunted, panic rising in his throat. Normally he wouldn't get so emotional or defensive, but hearing you talk like that made him scared. What if he lost you? "I lo- I care about you. This isn't some... one-time thing, and I thought that would've been obvious by now."

"But why don't you want to start a relationship with me? That's all I want and you know that it's all I want." "I-I can't... I just can't." His voice trembled for a moment, but then he realized you were going to continue pushing him on this. "I can't." "Why can't you?" Your voice rose slightly, the anger in your tone unmistakeable as you used your hands to gesture; a small effort to expel some of the adrenaline building in your body from finally confronting him on this. "I just can't, okay? Drop it. Please, let's just--" "No. I can't go back to the way it was." Your voice lowered slightly as you looked up at him, tears building in your eyes and your voice trembling slightly. Your chest tightened. "I love you, Ghost, and I want to hear you say it back. If you can't... we're over. I'm done." Silence hung in the air between him and you. The panic was rushing in his body, and for a moment you saw genuine fear in his eyes. The words weren't coming. His brain ran over all the things that would happen if he finally admitted it. Would you see him as weak? Would he ruin this relationship just like he's ruined his other relationships? Is there any way out of this that doesn't involve revealing how weak and pathetic he is? "Doll, I--"

"Say it. Say it, or..." you paused to take a breath, your lips parting and your chest rising as you gathered the courage. "I'm leaving. I can't deal with this anymore... I can't see you every other night, get reminded of how much I love you, and then you're gone the next day." Your voice broke, and he was reminded of how much of a shitty person he was. "I can't... lay awake, wondering if you love me back. I can't deal with you not opening up to me."

His heart broke when he saw that tear roll down your cheek. He hated seeing you cry, he hated seeing you hurt. He wanted nothing more than to embrace you and comfort you. He doesn't know what he'd do if he did. He just doesn't want you to leave, but ironically that's the same thing that's pushing you away. The silence continues, and your expression morphs as the seconds pass. "Fucking hell, Ghost, I--" You grunt, cutting yourself off before you twirl on your heel. He blinks, and you're gone.

He stares at the doorway you've gone through, and his heart breaks again as he watches your form disappear around the corner. Tears stung his eyes and he brought his hands to his face, the balaclava feeling suddenly claustrophobic as it clung to his face. He stood there for what felt like hours, his heart in his stomach and the fabric of his balaclava damp with a mix of sweat and tears. He takes a shaky step towards the door, and he shuts it. His breath is shaky and he can't stop himself from tearing up once again, tears falling and smearing his eyeblack as he moves and sits down at the edge of his bed. The mattress creaks under the addition of his weight. "Christ, I'm such..." He couldn't find the words. You were gone. Gone and he was alone. He lost the one thing he thought he'd cherish forever. Just because he couldn't admit that he loved you. His hands shakily find his phone, and he draws it from his pocket, turns it on, and flips to the contacts screen. He finds yours, and he taps on it, opening your message history; filled with sentences from you, checking on him, asking him if he needs anything... and his replies, just one word. He lets out another shaky breath and he wipes away the moisture from his eyes with the back of his hand, moving to write a message. "Please. I'm so sorry. I love you. Can we talk about this? I'm sorry." He taps send. It doesn't go through. His gaze focuses on the message, and he realizes what he's lost. He's an idiot. You're gone. Why couldn't he have just said the words you wanted to hear? His fear doesn't mean anything compared to the pain he feels knowing he's just lost the most beautiful thing in his life. He's lost you. His flower, his darling, his sweetheart, the one he dreamt about pouring his heart out to, the one he dreamt about going on dates with, the one person he thought he might actually let love him. You're gone and he feels emptier than ever. You're gone because he was too stupid to make it clear that he loved you. And now, he'll never get a chance to show you that he loves you.

#simon ghost x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #ghost mw2 #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #ghost x reader #ghost angst #angst #callsign datura

[thelargefrye]

THE YULE DRAGON … holiday one - shot ( 17+ )

pairing : poly!dragon!ateez x witch!f!reader

genre : dragon au, fantasy au, holiday au, fluff, angst

word count : 4.3k

warnings : language, mentions of dragon hunters, talks about death, light injury but nothing major, one death threat

suffer tag : @sanjoongie and for anon who asked about any new chapters

note : very excited to write this, so let me know what you think! also here is a link to what y/n's dress at the yule gala looks like!

the winter month draws near and the clan prepares to celebrate the yule dragon festival for the first time in years. knowing this is wooyoung's first one with an actually clan, you want to make sure everything is perfect.

when you woke up in the morning, you noticed how snow had slowly begun to fall and lay on the ground. you also couldn't help but notice how the dragons around you seemed to have been in good moods. smiles on their faces as they walked around and some even greeted you with warm smiles.

when you arrived at the nursery, the hatchlings all immediately greeted you. most of them run up and tackle you to the ground.

"miss y/n! miss y/n! did you see the snow?" one hatchling, jiyu, asked and you couldn't help but laugh as you nodded and pushed some hair out of her face.

"yes, i did. very beautiful isn't it?"

"not as beautiful as you, miss y/n!" another hatchling, minjae, said. the other hatchlings couldn't help but agree with minjae and you couldn't help but laugh at them all.

"prince mingi said that we will be able to celebrate the yule dragon festival this year!"

"the yule dragon festival?" you remember wooyoung telling you about the holiday years ago when you first met. you can't help but feel excited knowing he's going to enjoy a real one this year.

"yeah! it's been years since the clan last held one," seeun says and that quickly catches your attention. years? you thought the holiday was a yearly thing?

"alright, little ones, let's go ahead and get ready for the day," mingi comes in and ushers the hatchlings away from you in order to gather them in a line so they could eat.

you push your curiosity down for later as you go over to help mingi with the hatchlings. you watch the hatchlings with a warm fondness as they eat and talk to each other, and the rest of the day goes by in flash with you and mingi taking care of the young dragons.

"miss y/n, have you ever experienced a yule dragon festival before?" one of the hatchlings asked as they were laying down for a nap. the question of one hatchling seemed to have caught the attention of a few others around you two.

"not a proper one with a true clan, but me and wooyoung used to do a small celebration before we came to the clan," you said as you remembered your time with wooyoung back in your cottage. you can feel your cheeks heat up as you remember the first time you both celebrated the yule dragon together.

"do witches have any special holidays?" another hatchling, siyu, asked.

"we do but they're not like the yule dragon one. we focus more on what we are thankful for and mourning those that have left us," you explain.

"that sounds sad."

"sometimes it is sad, but then you have to remember that even those that left this world are still with us in spirit. watching over and guiding us on the right path of destiny," you say.

"but miss y/n, you don't have to be sad anymore because you have all of us!" one hatchling said with the others immediately agreeing and you couldn't help but smile at all of them.

"okay, okay, everyone," mingi says as he comes in and immediately calming all the hatchlings down. "its time to rest, not get excited."

"but prince mingi," minjae says looking towards the tall prince, "don't you agree that miss y/n doesn't have to be sad anymore, since she has all of us now?"

"of course," mingi says as he bends down to pet minjae's head, "but miss y/n still has a right to miss those that she lost. we all do. now come on, everyone, time to rest!"

you can't help but smile at how some of the hatchlings groan at mingi's words, but nonetheless all lay down in their little nooks. you and mingi go through and make sure each hatchling is comfortable before you leave the nesting room.

you watch as mingi closes the door behind him before he's offering his arm to you. you take his arm with a smile as he escorts the two of you back to the main palace wing.

"i meant what i said though," mingi begins and you look at him with a raised eyebrow, "that you have a right to be sad about those you lost, but also know that hatchlings are right as well and that you have all of us now. the hatchlings, me, wooyoung, yeosang, the others, and even the clan. you have all of us."

"thank you, prince mingi," you say, reaching up to press a kiss to his cheek and he smiles at you before quickly pressing his own kiss to your lips. "also," you speak up after you two continue to walk, "what did the little ones mean when they said its been years since you all had a yule dragon festival?"

"well... we haven't had one since hongjoong's parents and brother were killed. hongjoong didn't want to have a large one with the whole clan, so this is the first time in five years that we have celebrated it as such," mingi explains and you nod your head in understanding.

"what caused him to suddenly change his mind?"

"well you and wooyoung of course," you wanted to laugh at mingi's answer. more like just wooyoung, you think. you decide to remain silent as mingi guides you through the palace.

"this will be wooyoung's first yule dragon with an actual clan in years," you note as you notice many dragons setting up and decorating the palace corridors with festive decorations. you can't help but feel excited knowing that wooyoung will be able to experience the real thing after so many years of not having it with an actual clan.

your mind goes back to when you and wooyoung would celebrate together back at the cottage. both of you dressing up, decorating the cottage, and spending the entire night together. wooyoung taught you the dances that he learned. even when you weren't celebrating the dragon holiday, you would find wooyoung and yourself dancing and just enjoying each other's company.

"hey, mingi?" you caught the dragon's attention and he turns towards you as you continue to speak, "is there... a way i can help set up the festival?"

"oh! umm, i think so. seonghwa is usually in charge of things like this, but i volunteered to help him this time, so..."

"do you need help?" you ask, feeling an excitement bubble up in your stomach.

"of course you can help," mingi says, a wide smile on his face and you mirror his smile, beaming up at him. the two of you share a quick hug, mingi lets out a small laugh at your excitement, almost not expecting it.

"thank you," you say, pressing a kiss to his cheek before you are separating yourself from him. you notice the blush that covers his cheeks and ears and you have to stop yourself from pouncing on the tall dragon from how cute he is.

as the next week goes by, you spend your time helping the dragons in the clan to decorate for the yule dragon holiday. at first some of the dragons were reluctant at accepting your help, but slowly and eventually they allowed for you to help with the decorations. sure they didn't trust you with the important stuff, but that was okay.

you only wanted to make sure everything was perfect for wooyoung, he needed to have the best yule dragon after everything he has done for you. you also wanted to make sure the clan had a good one as well, but wooyoung took priority in your heart.

"wow, look at these decorations, darling," yeosang's voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you look down from your spot on the wooden ladder to see your lover looking up at you with a smile. you finish hanging the silver garland before climbing down the ladder and yeosang is quick to press a loving kiss to your lips.

"thank you, me and the hatchlings made them," you say, feeling rather proud from how all the decorations have been turning out. many of the other clan dragons complimenting you on your hard work.

"you've been working so hard, a lot of the clan members are grateful for your help," he says as the two of you begin walking out of the grand hall, where the yule gala will be held tomorrow night. other dragons are busy around you all finishing up last minute details, with most of them stopping to bow at yeosang before scurrying away to finish their task.

"i have something for you, princess," he says once the two of you are out of the grand hall and you give him a confused look which only makes him smile. "it’s custom for everyone to wear special outfits, rather a little too fancy if you ask me, but people really enjoy it," he begins as the two of you continue to walk down the hall.

"and i bet you completely forgot to make sure you are prepared for the gala," yeosang teases and you felt yourself get flustered at his words. "but don't worry because you wonderful mate has taken care of you," he says as you both stop in front of your chamber doors. "i hired a seamstress to make you a dress and thankfully she managed to finish it in time."

"wait, yeosang– you... you didn't, you shouldn't have."

"but i did, and i wanted to. my darling, you have done so much, let me give you this," he says, cupping your cheeks before leaning over and kissing you. you feel yourself melt into the kiss as you press yourself closer to your lover, arms wrapping around his waist. the two of you only separate when you're out of breath and yeosang presses one last kiss to your lips before he's pulling away and opening the door to your bedroom.

when you stepped inside, you were completely shocked at the dress that rested on the mannequin in the center of your room. you had honestly never seen a dress more beautiful in your life and you felt yourself tear up because of it. you felt like you didn't deserve a dress as gorgeous as this.

"it's beautiful, yeosang."

"you look absolutely beautiful, my fire," seonghwa says when he sees you walk into the grand hall.

the gala had been going on for several minutes, hongjoong lighting the ceremonial flame that burned in the center of the clan. you were amazed at the flame and its rather unique color, and mingi explained that this flame could only be lit by the leader of a clan and that it in order to celebrate the first dragon.

you honestly couldn't look away from the flame, almost like it was meant to entrance you.

"thank you, prince seonghwa," you said, bowing slightly to the eldest dragon prince. seonghwa could only smile as he took your hand into his before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

"make sure you enjoy yourself," he says, not yet letting go of your hand. "i want a dance before the night is over."

"of course, your highness," you say, a small smirk taking over your lips before seonghwa is nodding and making his leave. he does unfortunately have other people to see and talk to.

your eyes scan around the grand hall, looking for the head of familiar red hair and you feel your heart skip a beat when you finally find him. wooyoung looked absolutely handsome in his outfit and you were glad to see that he matched the other princes. it made your heart flutter knowing that wooyoung was being accepted by the clan.

you made your way over to your first lover, your feet picking up speed when you two made eye contact. you felt like it had been forever since you last seen wooyoung – however it had only been a few hours. you had been so caught up in making sure the festival and gala were perfect for him that you had completely forgot to pay the red-headed dragon attention.

so you immediately wrapped wooyoung in a tight hug once you were close enough. wooyoung was quick to return the hug, holding you close to him as he inhaled your scent before pressing a kiss to your neck.

"my y/n, you look so beautiful," he says as he twirls you around, the white-silver fabric that was decorated with beautiful shimmering stars and moons. wooyoung had seen the dress, yeosang having shown him before you and he knew you would look beautiful in it. but of course, seeing you actually in it he was blown away by your appearance.

"are you having a good time, woo?" you ask, heart beating rapidly waiting for his answer.

"of course i am," he says with a smile, "mingi mentioned how you helped out with this whole thing. any reason why?"

"you, of course," you say, both your hands linking with his. "this is your first yule dragon with an actual clan in a long time. i wanted to make sure it was perfect."

"oh love," he says, gently pulling the two of you off to the side, "you didn't need to do that. it would have perfect no matter what because i'm celebrating it with you. back at the cottage... i saw the two of us as our own little clan. and the yeosang joined," wooyoung says and you can't help but laugh at his last comment. despite mating and bonding with yeosang, wooyoung still couldn't get over the other dragon coming in basically setting up camp in your little cottage.

"you love yeosang, don't try to fool yourself," you tease and wooyoung grumbles a little bit before rolling his eyes.

"whatever."

you were about to say something when the sound of a familiar tune filled the grand hall. you turned to see a lot of the people gathering at the center and began dancing. you noticed mingi pulling yunho behind him to the dance floor with many of the other dragons cheering for the two tall princes. following them, you see yeosang and san dancing and you were a little surprised at seeing the blonde guard dancing and smiling as him and yeosang looked at one another.

"wow, who knew san could smile," wooyoung says and you crack a smile before turning to your lover.

"shall we join them as well?" you ask and wooyoung nods before he's pulling you towards the dance floor and you two quickly fall into a rhythm of the dance. the music easily guided you as you and wooyoung danced, you felt your whole attention center in on your lover and it felt like it was just the two of you.

you got flashbacks to when you and wooyoung would dance in your cottage. how back then it really was just the two of you and no one else, but now you were surrounded by people that even if they all didn't welcome you, they welcomed wooyoung. and even if you didn't feel welcomed at first, you have mingi, yeosang, the hatchlings.

seeing wooyoung smile and laugh and enjoy himself made you feel like you were on cloud nine. even if he wouldn't say it out loud, you knew wooyoung enjoyed being a part of the clan.

you felt the music guide you and your thoughts, as the music began to slow down you found yourself and wooyoung also slowing down. wooyoung pulling you close to him, his arm coming to wrap around your waist to hold you close to him.

"i have you had your ceremony?" wooyoung suddenly asks, snapping you out of your happy daze. you knew immediately what he was talking about.

"not yet, i was waiting till after the gala was over," you say, feeling a lump form in your throat at knowing what you would have to do later.

just like dragons, witches also had their own traditions and such. not as public as the yule dragon, but more intimate to each witch. celebrating those that you left you in this world. wooyoung has been with you during this ceremony like you have been with him for his. you don't know how many nights you have fallen asleep, crying in wooyoung's arms because of all the witches that have died.

"do you want me there with you?" he asks, and it takes you a moment to think about it.

"no, i'll do it alone this time."

"are you sure?" you nod your head, you didn't want to ruin wooyoung's good time here with your own traditions and ceremonies.

when the music changed once again, you pressed a kiss to wooyoung before stepping away, telling him you needed some fresh air.

"let me come with you," he says as he starts to trail after you, but you stop him.

"it’s okay," you say, hand out to stop him, "i'll be right back."

you don't give wooyoung a chance to say anything as you're turning and making your way to one of the many garden doors that lead out into the courtyard.

once the cold air hit your skin, you let out a sigh as you made your way over to one of the stone benches that overlooked most of the courtyard and even down further into the clan. the yule flame burned brightly a short distance away and you couldn't help but walk over to it. the flame reminded you of the flame that you would light for the umbra ceremony.

the flame burned brightly and you almost felt like a moth from how you were being drawn to it.

which is how you found yourself in front of it. the noises from the grand hall behind you is like static as you look at the flame, letting it consume you. you got flashbacks to when you would set up a room of candles for the witches that you lost, the flame from those candles burning brightly into your mind.

"why are you out here," the cold voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you turn to look at hongjoong with wide eyes. the prince looks at you with a stern expression, his cold eyes burning into your body.

"i was just... just getting some air," you tell him, refusing to fully make eye contact with him.

hongjoong lets out a 'tsk' sound before he's coming to stand next to you, looking up at the flame. you're surprised by how close hongjoong, this is probably the closest he has ever gotten to you without trying to kill you.

"mingi told me how you helped decorate for the festival," he said out of nowhere after the two of you stood in silence. "i guess witches can be good for something," he adds and you feel yourself deflate at his harsh words.

"i did it for wooyoung," you said wanting to make it clear that you were only doing it for your first love and no one else. "this is his first yule dragon with an actual clan in years," you add.

"and i'm sure witches are the reason why he had gone for so long without experiencing one with a clan," he says back.

"perhaps," you say as you clench your fist together tightly, "but wooyoung is here now with a clan," you turn your head to look at hongjoong, taking in his form once more. his lavish outfit and vibrant blue hair standing out against the dark night. he was the epitome of what a leader of a dragon clan should be in the fact that he always had that air of authority around him. everyone respected him and if they didn't respect him then they feared him.

you, unfortunately, feared him more than you respected him. the dragon oracles say that you two are mates like you are with the rest of the princes, but you knew hongjoong refused to acknowledge you as his mate. you were a witch, the thing that killed his parents and brother and forced him to take the role of leader too soon. you wondered if you and hongjoong would ever get along.

you notice how the flame reflects against hongjoong's skin and then something hits you.

"please excuse me, prince hongjoong," you say suddenly before you are rushing past him. hongjoong doesn't say anything and you don't know if he watches you leave as you are too caught up in rushing back into the palace.

you run to your room, feeling out of breath as you enter your chambers you share with wooyoung before going over to the large trunk that rested at the foot of the bed. you quickly dig through the trunk and pull out a set of candles. all three a beautiful rose color and it reminds you greatly of your mother.

"what are these for mother?" you asked, looking up at your mother as she handed you the three candles. they were different from the ones you were use to lightly for the umbra ceremony and you wondered why she was giving them to you.

"these are special candles, y/n, i made them myself so you can use them when you need them the most," she explains, her voice seeming ever cryptic.

"when i need them the most?" you echo and she nods, a tight-lipped smile painting her features.

"they are for the one who will need to say goodbye the most."

you gripped the candles tightly as you raced back to the courtyard and was surprised to still see hongjoong standing there. somewhere deep inside wants you to believe he waited for you, but you know that's impossible.

"prince hongjoong," you say as you approach him. "i want to thank you for letting wooyoung into your home. i know that... you despise me and my people, you lost your parents and brother after all. and i know you probably don't care but i want to share something with you."

hongjoong turns to look at you, his face void of emotion as he watches you set the three candles down between the two of you. you crouch down, kneeling front of the candles as hongjoong stands towering above you.

"the umbra witches have their own ceremony, we light candles in order to remember those that have left us and this world. we do this as a way to remind us that while they have left this world physically, they are still here with us spiritually," you pause in order to take a deep breath, licking your lips before continuing.

"my mother made me these candles when she was still alive. she told me that they were for someone who needed to say goodbye, and... i think she made them for you."

"what the hell are you talking about?" hongjoong asks, voice full of surprise and anger. "i don't need any of you stupid umbra witch shit," he adds and you notice his fist clenches with his rage.

"please," you beg, voice straining as you plead with the prince, "take the candles, it will bring you peace, prince hongjoong."

you feel a sudden shock as you are grabbed by the collar of your dress. you're pulled up from your kneeling position, face dangerously close to an enraged hongjoong as he bares his teeth at you. in the moment you are reminded that you are at the mercy of a clan full of dragons whether you liked it or not.

"i will never," he jaw clenched tightly as he speaks, "ever, forgive your damned people for what they did to my family. my people. so don't think so damned candles will change that. you will never be my mate and just know that if it wasn't for yeosang and mingi that i would have burned you at a stake a long fucking time ago."

hongjoong waste no time in throwing you to the ground, your hands skidding across the stone pathway harshly and you flinch at the sudden burn of skin. you turn to see hongjoong's eye burning, like he will kill you if you say anything else to him.

you then watch him destroy two of the candles, his foot coming down harshly on them and you feel like a part of you is being ripped apart as you watch him. he's about to do the same to the last one, but you move and grab the last candle. the last one your mother made.

then without thinking you stand up and run away from the prince. you clearly made a mistake in thinking that you could get hongjoong to open up just a little bit. you felt tears begin to form in your eyes as you ran, clutching the candle close to your chest as you collapsed in the one of the many decorated halls.

you looked down at the candle once more, the image of your mother's smile flashing inside your mind as you caressed it. you knew this candle was for hongjoong. he was the one who needed to say goodbye to those he lost, but it was obvious that now wasn't the time.

"y/n!" the sudden call of your name makes you snap your head up to see yeosang rushing towards you. face full of concern and he drops down to the floor next to you. "y/n, what's wrong, why are you crying?" he brushes the tears away and you open your mouth to say something before a sob escapes instead.

you throw yourself into his arms and he arms them around you protectively. you hold your mother's candle close to you as you allow yourself to cry in yeosang's arms. yeosang doesn't say anything, only letting you cry as a comforting hand runs over your hair.

"it's okay, y/n, i'm here," he says softly, holding you closer to him. "whatever made you sad, don't think about it anymore, okay? cause i'm here to protect you."

and so the night comes to an end as you spend the rest of it in yeosang's arms, allowing him to hold you closely as you mourn for the loss of your mother and the hate hongjoong bares for you. 

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#dragon from the window. #cultofdionysusnet #kdiarynet #cromernet #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #poly ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez fantasy au #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez dragon au #ateez wooyoung x reader #ateez yeosang x reader #ateez mingi x reader #ateez hongjoong x reader

[lovingmattysposts]

Love Never Is

pairing: y/n and Matt sturniolo

summary: Love is never what it seems. It's not like the books or novels. It's not a simple as it seems. But she doesn't believe in love anyways so it's nothing something she has to worry about. That is until she falls into it and it gets ripped away from her. The love is real, painfully real.

warnings: sad af. angst, mentions of depressing stuff.

i put my HEART and SOUL into this please read it all the way through even though its long. AGAIN thank you for the love, love you all

xoxo Autumn as always

“then maybe we should just break up!”

Frozen in time. A sentence you never thought you’d hear fall from him mouth, but as you walked home you couldn’t stop hearing it ring in the back of your mind.

You didn’t allow yourself to cry in front of him, not wanting to show your true emotions on the subject of breaking up. If that’s what he wanted, you do it. Because you loved him.

To selfishly and embarrassingly cry in front of him was just something that you didn’t allow your body to do.

“Is that what you want?”

He stayed silent looking down at the ground, down at his shoes. You turned your head at his silence letting his words truly sink into your veins. Feeling the power of them washing over you like bullets on skin.

It was horrible.

“Yeah maybe”

You nodded looking towards your feet. It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair. You were suppose to be in love. Things weren’t suppose to be hard. You were suppose to be happy. Why was this happening?

Looking down at you soaked tennis shoes in the puddles of rain, you questioned everything he’s ever said. Every time he said that he loved you. Every time he kissed you until you both erupted into fits of laughter.

Was it even real?

You guys never fought, but you never thought the first fight would end up like this.

Fighting back the urge to ask him if he even loved you anymore was almost too impossible to bear, so instead you didn’t say anything else and left. The worst part about it all was that he didn’t try to stop you.

He let you leave, because after all that’s what he wanted. Even if it killed you, you were at his mercy. You would do anything he asked you to, even if that meant to walk away.

Matt looked up as he heard you start to walk out after you didn’t respond. His mind screamed at him don’t let her walk out, but his feet didn’t move. He stayed frozen in time.

He didn’t even know how the fight happened. One minute you were laughing the next minute you were screaming at each other like you weren’t the couple everyone wished they were.

But Matt was never into putting on the show for the public. Sure everyone had their own ideas of what you two were, if any of it was even real. But he didn’t care to prove them right or wrong because if he just had you at the end of the day, that was enough.

You were always enough.

You were gentle and kind. You never raised your voice. You were patient with him, even in times when he was acting like a child. So when you walked out, that was the last thing he ever expected you to do.

Without another word.

Without even trying to fight him.

You just left.

The slamming of the door is something that was ringing in his mind. As he stood in the kitchen staring at the door waiting for you to walk back in, but you didn’t. And he didn’t understand why.

I guess this was unmarked territory. He had never said anything like this before, and especially not this harshly to you. He loved you. He never spoke to you this way.

The thing that broke him the most is that you let him.

He didn’t know how long he stood there but it was long enough before the door started to open again. His eyes still trained on the door, he stepped forward. Ready to apologize. Ready to take it all back. To tell you he was sorry. And that he loved you.

But it wasn’t you.

It was Chris and Nick laughing and talking to each other as they walked through the doorway having no idea what just unfolded in the kitchen moments before. Well, what felt like moments. By now, from the sun now being fully set, it has been hours he stood there waiting for you to come back.

There had been words screamed between to people so deeply in love that were never meant to be spoken. There was ashes on the floor that was once their relationship that Chris and Nick were now walking into.

Matt’s eyes stayed on his brother and they looked to him. Their laughs halting when they saw their brothers face. He looked torn to shreds.

“Matt?”

Tears fell from his eyes from the sound of his name being called. He didn’t even feel like Matt. He didn’t feel like himself. He felt destroyed. He was nothing without you, what was he thinking?

They rushed over to him as he fell to the ground in sobs. Asking him over and over what happened, but all he could do was shake his head.

-

You’d never had your heartbroken before. You read about in books, seen it in movies, and even had some close friends go through what you thought was the worst.

You’d memorized love stories as a kid, learning the in and outs of what makes love, love. Studying it harder than any lesson in school. It fascinated you. Seeing how people can be simply change front the feeling of another human being, just simply loving you.

That’s what first drew you into to the science major. Seeing the chemical engineering of it all, of what makes one fall so deeply in love?

Most of it being unexplained, but other parts being feelings of euphoria being released by the brain in chemical forms of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. Which can occur simply by looking at the one you love.

All though you’ve studied countless hours trying to figure out what makes someone fall in love, you never really truly believed in it.

You wanted to. Oh, you wanted to so badly. But to never have experienced it, made it hard for you to truly believe in it.

Because as wonderful as love had been taught to you at an early age, you knew the dark side of it. The fights, the cheating, the breaking up. You didn’t understand how someone who you could once love, you could cheat on or break up with.

Which made you circle back to square one in your research when you thought about that factor. You didn’t believe that you wouldn’t cheat on someone if you loved them. Because you felt that sometimes you could cheat on someone and still love them in one way or another.

Knowing you had that person at home, didn’t mean you didn’t find another attractive. Your father had cheated on your mother, but they stayed together. That didn’t mean he didn’t love her.

He tried the rest of his life to win her back at the peek of your childhood, which he ultimately failed. But he never was once seen with another women, because he loved her so deeply.

You believed humans were flawed whether they showed it or not. You didn’t think this theory justified cheating, or made it right in any manner whatsoever. Seeing how destroyed you mother was after once being so deeply in love with your father.

You just thought this meant love was more complicated that it is portrayed in story books or fairytales. You could go your entire life loving someone and never be able to have them.

You called it the ugly side of love.

The side no one talked about. The torn pages of love stories that no one wants to read.

And you didn’t blame them.

No one wants to read how the prince looked at the mistress while his wife was handing right there. They want to read about how they danced at the hall and how he found her missing slipper.

Studies after studies, you never found the answer to your questions. You knew everything about love, everything you could read, but you didn’t know the full story.

You had feelings of euphoria in your life, but euphoria didn’t mean love. You dance with a boy at your middle school dance, you liked his smile, but you weren’t in love.

You first kiss under the bleachers freshman year with the star quarterback, he had nice lips, but you weren’t in love.

You were missing the key factor, which was actually experiencing it. Your mother suggested that if your nose wasn’t in your study books you’d actually have time to look up and fall in love.

So that’s what you did. You put the books down and looked up. Just in time to catch wondering blue eyes.

What you didn’t know then that you are starting to realize now is that you had spent your whole life looking and dreaming of love and what it really is, that you had opened your entire heart up the first time you fell into it.

A lot of people argue that you can fall in love with multiple people throughout you lifetime, even falling out of love with some from the past. And maybe that’s true but that’s not what you believed.

You think that you could love many people, because you did. But falling in love, to your definition, only happened once. The deep sickening feeling of falling at 100 miles per hour, not even caring if you hit the ground. That, only happened once.

You also thought ‘love at first sight’ was bullshit. You cannot love someone without knowing them, truly knowing them. A glance in someone’s direction isn’t going to make you fall out of your chair and fall into love.

If anything, with your entire life revolving around your studies of love. It only made you more skeptical of it all in the first place. You wanted so badly to fall in love, that you thought you had mentally blocked yourself from allowing it to happen to you unknowingly.

You didn’t fall in love with him at first.

You thought he was too sarcastic. His eyes were too blue, and his flirting abilities were laughable.

It was his persistence that made you fall in love with him. The way he looked at you. The way he cared about whatever you had to say. The little things he remembered about you.

No one talked about how falling in love way scary. Maybe because no one thought like you did. No one did the research that you did. Everyone else was going along falling in love for the night, if that meant they could feel something.

But you we’re different. And he saw that in you. Which only made him fall in love with you faster.

You were terrified. You remembered the exact moment you fell in love with him. And no it wasn’t because he found you ‘perfect fitting slipper’ or flew across the country to kiss you ‘one last time’. Or anything like you read in the novels.

You in his living room. You’d been dating a few months at this point. He was half asleep, laying above next you, you feet sprawled out on his lap. The movie was almost over and he agreed to let want pride and prejudice for the 50th time.

It was your favorite movie, and he knew that. So almost every night he sucked it up and sat there and would watch it with you over and over.

As he dowsed off the sleep, you thought about that. As you whispered almost every line in the movie to yourself. You knew every line by this point. You looked over at him as the main characters confessed their love to one another.

You always thought that part was too cheesy. You always thought Darcy was an idiot and didn’t treat Elizebeth Bennett right, but they loved each other in their own way.

So you looked over at Matt, while they spoke on the screen in front of you. Trying to escape the unrealistic love story to look at your own.

His eyes were closed and his chest as rising and lowering softly with his breathes. You’d think he was asleep but his hands were on your feet, rubbing them softly as he tried not to fall asleep.

You looked over as one hand was placed, soothing your foot and the other was on you knee rubbing small circles.

You heart clenched when you realized.

You had fallen in love with him.

A stupid small act that came tumbling over every realization that your brain had hidden from view, all falling in front of your eyes. You loved him.

The bone chilling, falling at 100 miles per hour. terrifying love. It was him.

The scariness of it all didn’t fade until a month later. You didn’t want to ruin this for yourself by scaring away, because losing him meant a whole lot more now to you than it did a month ago.

He just had no idea.

To bring you that you had fallen in love, to you was almost scarier than realizing you had fallen into it in the first place.

So you waited. Until he said it first. Because the thought of saying it to early and scaring him away wouldn’t be worth the downfall.

Matt never thought too much about love, not nearly as half as much as she did. But that didn’t mean he cared about it any less.

He thought that two people liked it each other enough to get married and comfortable and it was easy. He learned quickly it was not easy.

Not everyone was as tender hearted as him. There were mean girls out there who only wanted him for one thing. He learned that lesson quickly.

So he went from open heart to a closed down bunker in a matter of a couple years with a few bad experiences. He’d even got worse than his brother Chris.

Granted, Chris had never had a relationship before. He thought they were stupid. Matt being the more kind hearted one of the group he was open to dating and talking to girl, even though his anxiety ate him alive over it.

Burned one harsh time, and it was over for him.

He never understood the concept of cheating. He thought “just break up with them if you want to be with someone else”. He thought everyone thought that way, that everyone thought just like him.

He learned quickly he was wrong in high school when he came into the locker room early for practice and saw one of his teammates making out with his girlfriend.

He didn’t understand the physical pain of it. He thought, yeah cheating sucks. But the heart dropping, can’t sleep, sickening feeling. He learned the hard way.

He didn’t love the girl, but he really liked her. And she spit in his face.

Years later he was still turned off completely to the thought of falling in love. Didn’t occur to him, it was the absolute last thing on his mind. He was more concerned with growing his business, making memories with his brothers, and the overall happiness of his well-being. He didn’t need a girl or any kind of love to make that happen for him.

Love wasn’t a quintessential need in life, it was luxury. A luxury he wasn’t going to roll the dice for. He was fine just how he was. He didn’t need anything else.

That was until her.

He didn’t know why he felt the need to talk to her that day. He never went out of his way to socialize with people especially with a schedule as packed as his. He quite literally had 10 minutes to go in grab a coffee and speed to his next meeting.

But she kept looking at him. And it wasn’t in a way that made him think she knew who he was. She looked almost curious. She was reading “the language of birds”.

He sat to himself in the line thinking, “who the hell read about birds?”. He paused as he gripped his coffee and had one hand pressed on the glass door, reading to push it open and continue on with his day to forget about the bird girl in the coffee shop.

But something stopped him. He felt almost a draw to her. He felt stupid even thinking it. A draw to her? Like some force of gravity pulling me towards her? This isn’t a movie, this is real life.

He thought he was stupid, just having an off day. But he turned around walking up to her. She looked up at him through her book, setting it down peering up at him.

She had beautiful long lashes and glossed lips and eyes that sank into his so much it made him lose confidence.

“Birds?” He asked, the only thing that was able to come out of his mouth. Her eyebrows furrowed as she chewed on her gloss lips. What the hell is he talking about? She thought. He looked down to the book in her hands.

the language of birds

She blinked down at her book, feeling her face light up. “Right—“ she said shaking her head and closing her book. He smiled at her embarrassment. Not that he was happy she was embarrassed, but it allowed him to be less nervous at her reaction to him.

She shook her head. “It’s not about birds” she said not looking up at him. His eyebrows furrowed. She glanced up at him. She sighed and closed her eyes.

“I mean it is but—“ she shook her head as he chuckled slightly at her. She smiled and blinked up at him, licking her lips slightly. Making his eyes trail down to her lips and then back up to her eyes.

“It more about their journey in life when they are away from their king, and how they manage their emotions in finding themselves when they are not with the person who told them what to do and think. They travel around looking for him once they realized they are lost, but then realize they find something more powerful on their own—“ she said scanning the book like she’s never seen it before.

I just smiled down at her as she rambled on. She glanced up at me finally. “Sorry” she apologized shaking her head. I shook my head pursuing my lips as I sat down across from her. She just watched me as he face slightly softened.

“What did they find?” He asked looking at her with a smile smile. She just blinked at me for a second. “What?” She said barley above a whisper. He pointed towards the book in her hand.

“The birds. What did they find?” He asked again, making her breath out. “Oh—right. They found that they are powerful in themselves. That they don’t need someone to tell them what to think and they realized they could do it on their own, they just had to be apart to figure it out” she finished setting the book down in front of her.

He couldn’t stop smiling at her. He had never heard someone talk the way she did. So elegantly, but so unsure. Like she knew what she was talking about, but she was embarrassed to admit knowing anything at all.

“How do you know you’re only half way through” He pointed out her book-marker only half way in between the pages of the lengthy book. She glanced down and shrugged.

“It’s one of my favorites, it’s like my fifth time reading it” she admitted. He nodded slowly. She just looked at him. Like he was a foregin creature getting ready to pounce.

“Sorry if you wanted to read it. I just spoiled the whole thing” she mumbled looking down.

It was almost refreshing for him, since he always felt to be on the other side of the attack. Always being nervous, anxious, scared. He didn’t mean or like to make her feel that way, but it was nice to talk to her and not feel that way and let someone else fill that role.

“What’s your name?” He asked looking at her. “Y/n” she spoke slowly like she was unsure of her own name. He laughed slightly. “Are you sure?” He asked. Her eyes widened. “What?” She asked back confused. Had he thought she’d had given him the wrong name?

“You didn’t seem so sure about it” he said looking down at the coffee in his hand. She smiled closing her eyes, before nodding. “Yes, I’m sure. My name is y/n” She breathed letting out of a bit of her anxiety.

He smiled and nodded. “I’m Matt” He breathed. She nodded. “Is it short for Matthew?” She asked smally. He smiled and nodded softly. She nodded back.

“Do you read?” She asked. He shook his head. She looked down at her book. “Well if you ever want to get into it, this books a great one” she smiled at him. He smiled at her, that’s all he’d seem to be doing.

He wanted to know things about her. He wanted to know why she was sitting alone. Why she was reading books that looked dated back to the 1800s. What was with this girl?

He felt a buzz in his pocket. Snapping him out of his thoughts. It was Chris. Fuck. He was already suppose to be at the meeting. He turned off his phone and stood up. Her eyes followed him.

“I have to go” he stated. She just looked at him. He looked towards the side. “Do you think the book only has one meaning?” He asked suddenly. She just blinked at him. He didn’t even know what he was saying at this point. He just knew he was to keep taking to her.

“You’ve read it five times, have you found the same meaning in it every time?” He asked looking down at the book. She glanced down at the book picking it up.

“Um” she sighed looking at it and then shrugging. “I guess I find something new every time I read it” she smiled at him. He nodded.

“I hope you find something new this time, y/n” He sighed and then turned on his feet. Leaving the girl with her thoughts. She sighed looking down at her lap after she left feeling like s failure.

All these books about love and she could barley talk to a cute boy. She looked up as he pushed the door and walked out of the coffee shop.

He smiled to himself as he left. Even if he never saw her again, it was nice to talk to someone who didn’t know who he was or wasn’t his brothers.

Now he was in a pickle being almost 20 minutes last for the meeting now..

“Wait”

He paused before turning and seeing the girl running up to him. He smiled seeing her again, not picturing her the type to come running after him. She stopped slightly out of breath in front of him from scrambling her things together quickly without thinking.

“I—“ she breathed looking down at the book in her hand. He looked down at it. “You should read it” She said holding the book out for him to take. He looked down at the book.

“Tell me if you find something I missed” she smiled up as he took the book out her hands and scanned it with his fingers. She stood in front of him not knowing really what to say next.

He nodded, biting back a smile. “I don’t wanna take your book” He said feeling guilty attempting to hand it back. She shook her head stepping back.

“I have like a million copies, just take it” she smiled shaking her head. He smiled and nodded stepping back. He looked down at the book shaking his head.

“How do I tell you what I find?” He asked looking down at her. She smiled stepping forward and opening the book to the front page.

if lost return to y/n

1800-562-99216

He smiled. Who writes their number in books? He thought to himself. He looked up but she was already walking away.

He didn’t know then what the interaction had him in for. He stayed home the rest of the week, just trying to read the book. As he started it he just wanted to get through it. Thinking it was going to be a boring out of date read. The only reason he was reading it so fast was because he just wanted to call her.

He wanted to find something she had not found, but by their simple conversation he didn’t think he’d be able to. She was smart. Really smart. He wasn’t as smart as her.

As he read on he got deeper into the book, unable to put it down. Even putting off other things that he used to deem more important. Getting unapproved comments from Chris. Like “Why the fuck are you reading about birds?” and things like that.

He got through the book in three days before typing the number into his phone slightly hovering over the call button, slightly nervous. Knowing what he wanted to say, but didn’t know if it was stupid.

It rang twice before she answered.

Expressing ideas of a book, something Matt never pictured himself doing. Or even enjoying but here he was. Laughing and talking with someone over a book about birds, or not so much about birds.

“Then why did he go back to the king after they realized everything?” He asked leaning back against his headboard. She sighed over the phone.

“I don’t know, it the one part of the book I never really understood. Some people just like the comfort of being told what to do instead of doing things their own way. I guess it’s just a symbolization of how people know right from wrong but still chose the wrong side most of the time” she said softly. He smiled.

“I never thought about it that way” he whispered. She hummed. “I was just mad at the bird for going back even after all he’s learned” He shook his head.

“Matt, it’s a bird” She chuckled over the phone, making him laugh. “No, but I get what you’re saying. It’s really eye opening, seeing how people fall into the same patterns. People like to be comfortable, anything that threatens that they run away from even if it’s the better ending” she sighed.

Matt pressed his lips together as he looked down at the book. “What that thing for you?” He asked looking down. She stayed silent on the other end of the phone for a second. Her mind raced. The first and obvious choice came to mind, but she had just met this boy once.

Mention love and he’d be running for the hills.

“Y/n?”

She blinked out of her thoughts. “Um, I don’t know” she sighed. He hummed. “You’re a smart girl, you must have some thoughts on how this correlates to your life” he said through the phone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I guess so” she said shaking her head as she paced her room. Was this a good idea? Comfortable. This is what you were talking about, pushing out of your comfort zone.

“I guess, this conversation?” She said almost questioning. His eyebrows furrowed. “What?” He asked. She closed her eyes.

“In the most non loser way possible—“ she bit her lip. “I study science as my major and I always think about how people fall in love and what it takes the chemical engineering behind it all” She explained. He crossed his arm, his phone pressed to his ear just listening.

“And I guess it makes me uncomfortable. It just like scares me? I don’t know.” She sighed. “I guess I’m scared to fall in love” She admitted, goosebumps filling her arms as he stayed silent on the other end of the line.

“Are you telling me your falling in love with me, y/n?” He chuckled, making her smile and shake her head. “No I—“ she smiled. “I’m kidding, I understand that. It’s hard to understand it, but I don’t think the answers are in science books. They are experiences” He said blankly.

She nodded before sighing into the phone.

“You sound like my mother” She joked as she sat on her bed. He chuckled into the phone. He looked down at his phone seeing the time. “Have we really been talking about birds for an hour?” He asked making her chuckle.

“I guess we have” She said softly. He noticed she used ‘I guess’ a lot. She’s very smart for a girl who’s constantly unsure. He turned over on his bed and sighed.

“What are you doing Friday?” He asked making her heart stop for a brief second. She shook her head. “I—I don’t know” she said softly. He smiled.

“Do you want to do something with me?” He asked. She wanted to. But she was scared, which made her not want to. She swallowed.

“Like what?” She asked cracking her fingers. “I don’t know. Do you have book on elephants? They are my favorite” he joked over the phone making her roll her eyes.

“I don’t” she smiled. He groaned. “I guess dinner will have to do then” He smiled, she looked down at her feet smiling stupidly at herself.

“I guess so” She said softly.

“I’ll text you”

-

The story emerged from there. About three months into being officially together, he fell in love with her. In the stupidest way possible.

He didn’t see himself falling in love, never imagined himself falling completely in love with another human being such as he had.

It wasn’t a scary feeling. It was more of a joyful feeling that he didn’t expect. He didn’t read much about love like her, but he didn’t know how much he needed it until he had it.

She had picked out Pride and Prejudice again for what felt like the millionth time to him. But he shut his mouth as she pressed play, because he knew if he agreed to watch it she would lay on him, clinging on to him. He would be able to look down at her for almost two hours without her noticing, her breathing slightly against him.

He moved her hand through her hair, as the movie played. Somewhere throughout the movie, she shifted putting her legs against his lap. He looked over at her as she mumbled the lines of the actors on the film in front of them to herself.

He smiled.

And that was it.

That’s when he realized he loved her. But he was scared to say it. He had on his mind on repeat.

“I guess I’m scared to fall in love”

He closed his eyes looking back to the screen, feeling a turn in his chest. He didn’t want to scare her away from telling her that he had fallen in love with her, especially if she didn’t feel the same way. So he would just wait for her to say it, to play it safe. Just so he knows for sure he wont lose her.

They fell in love in the same moment and didn’t even know it.

-

Months past with the unspoken words “I love you”. Almost slipping out of either’s mouth close to a hundred times, before catching themselves and covering it up.

Hey mind raced with insecurities. Had she gotten it wrong? Had he not fallen in love with her also? Was she just falling deeper and deeper into love with him and he just didn’t feel the same way?

He acted as he loved her, but the words never fell off his lips. It made her stomach turn. She had never even thought of the possibility, what do you do when you fall in love with someone and they don’t love you back?

Searching for answers in books tears streaming down her face as she ripped out the pages. She hasn’t studied this. She hadn’t even thought of the possibility. What had she done wrong? Was it something she wasn’t doing? Was it her? Why hasn’t he said it?

She was flipping through a new addition of the chemical engineering psychology book that her professor had just given to her. She had a conversation with her professor, saying enough without saying too much, and he had given her this book.

Matt walked into the room before walking up to her and kissing the side of her head. “Hi baby, what are you reading?” He asked wrapping his arms around her from behind and laying his head against her shoulder.

She leaned back against his touch, she always did. But lately the only thing she’s been thinking about is how their eight month anniversary is next week and he still hasn’t told her that he loved her.

Endless nights of staring sleepless at the ceiling wondering if she was even good enough to be loved. Barley now focusing on the feeling of falling, because of the anxiety of the the fear of him not.

“Reading” she said softly flipping through the pages. He looked down at the pages, not understanding half the words laid out in front of her. “You’re so smart” he whispered kissing her cheek, making her smile.

She liked when he called her smart. She prided herself on her intelligence. It was what she loved most about herself and the fact that’s what Matt loved most about her, only made her fall harder.

A lot of girls were insecure physically about themselves, but no y/n was always insecure mentally. Panicking if she wasn’t the smartest person in the room.

A lot of guys were threatened about her intelligence, most men don’t like being dumbed down by a female’s intelligence, but Matt loved it. Priding her. Telling her “I love how you’re so much smarter than me”’.

“But” Matt said flipping the book closed in front of them. She sighed looking up at him as he grabbed her arm and stood her up leaning down to her.

“Take a break, you’re killing your brain” he said kissing her nose softly. She smiled. “I can’t—“ she said looking back at the closed book. “You can” He said holding her hands. She smiled and looked down.

“Come on, I’ll run you a bath” he said pushing the hair out of her face. Her heart clenched. Why do you act like you love me but you don’t say it. She didn’t reply. He sighed. “I’ll wash your hairrrr” he sang, making her smile slightly. He pulled her arm as he walked away, but she stood her ground making the pull back cause him to turn around to look at her.

His smiled dropped when seeing her face. She looked down at her feet distress on her face. He walked back up to her. “Hey” he said softly. She didn’t looked up at him.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” He asked quietly placing a hand on her cheek. She glanced up at him and then back down sighing.

“Matt why are you with me?” She asked looking at him. His eyebrows furrowed. “What?” He asked not understanding where she was coming from. Y/n was a lot of things, but she wasn’t insecure. At least not in front of him.

She’d never questioned their relationship to him and it he was being honest his heart was beating out of his chest at the possibility of her breaking up with him.

“Why are you with me? Why are we together?” She asked softly. Doubt filling her head. She was terrified at this conversation because this might be the end. If he didn’t love her, she would have to walk away. And that scared her more than being in a one sided relationship.

He stared at her attempting to read her mind. What did she want him to say. He dropped her hand and ran his hand through his hair.

“Because you make me happy” He said looking down at her. Her frown didn’t move.

Because I love you, he wanted to say.

“And you’re beautiful and smart”

Because I love you

“And I love—“ her eyes looked up. “Spending time with you” he said running his hand down her arm. She bit her lip and looked to the side.

“And what else? What else do you love?” She asked desperately for answers. If he didn’t love her, what was he getting out of it? He shook his head looking down at his girlfriend.

“I don’t—“ he stuttered not understanding. She huffed shaking her head. “Like do you love—“ She shook her head looking down.

“Do you love me?” She asked looking up at him with teary eyes. He froze looking at her. “Because I love the hell out of you and I have for a long time, and I’ve been waiting for you to say it and—and—“ she shook her head, spilling everything out.

He smiled down at her, pulling her slightly towards him and pressing their lips together. He smiled against her, before pulling back and pressing his forehead against hers.

“I’m so fucking in love with you y/n” Matt smiled, making her fear drop from her chest. She smiled. “Really?” She asked blinking at him. He nodded. “I didn’t want to scare you off, I know how scared you of it and I wanted to wait on you” he said honestly.

She smiled and shook her head.

“You don’t make it scary” she breathed, making him smile. He stepped back sighing. “God, I’m so sorry, y/n” he shook his head. “Now I feel like a complete asshole” He said looking down at her.

He wasn’t saying it get out of her being mad at him or in a manipulative way. He genuinely felt guilty for not knowing that she was waiting on him. He probably scared her to death.

She shook her head stepped forward and wrapping her hands around his shoulders. “No baby, no. I’m sorry.” She apologized making him smile that she was apologizing. He shook his head.

“I love you, I love you, I love you. Oh my god. This feels so good to say it out loud.” He said leaning down and kissing all over her face making her giggle and push him away.

“I love you too” She laughed. He ran forward before picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. She laughed above him.

“Put me down!” She laughed kicking her feet. He shook his head. He was going to show her just how much he loved her.

-

A memory so far away that now seems like it never even happened. The only one circulating your brain was the one that happened just hours ago. The rest turning into darkness like it never happened.

“Matt” you yelled at you opened the door. He didn’t turn around as he walked through the kitchen. “Matthew” you stated making him pause and turn around. His face was angry. An expression he never wore when looking at her. Maybe at his brothers, but never her.

“That was ridiculous” I breathed looking at it. It was. He acted like a child. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “So you can get mad at Sage, but I can’t get mad at a guy eye-fucking you?” He asked walking back up to me.

She cringed at the eye-fucking. He never really spoke like that and you didn’t like it when he didn’t.

“I didn’t get mad at Sage” she stated calmly. He scoffed shaking his head. “So what? You just pulled me away and told me off for like 20 minutes for shits and giggle?” He asked throwing his hands up.

She shook her head.

“I did not tell you off. I told you I didn’t like the fact that’s she was tracing the tattoos on your arm with her cheap press on nails” She said through gritted teeth trying not to get angry. He shook his head.

“Sage and I have been friends for a long time. Way before we started dating” he said motioning between them. She rolled her eyes. Why was he acting like this?

“Oh yeah? Why have I never heard her name before tonight?” She said walking up to him. He shook his head looking away before turning and starting to walk away.

He didn’t want to act this way in front of her, but he was angry. She deserves better so he was gonna walk away.

“Don’t walk away from me” she spat making him pause in his tracks. He closed his eyes as he turned back around. “Y/n. I’m gonna say something I regret. Just go home” he shook his head at her, but she shook her head back feeling tears brim at her eyes.

“No. Talk to me. We don’t do this, we don’t fight” She shook her head mentally pleading with him. He knew she was right, but he was clouded with anger, stepping towards her.

“Leave” he breathed.

“No” she shook her head.

“You were out of line admit it” She said making him roll his eyes. “No, I wasn’t. You’re my girlfriend and another guy was all over you” He argued down at her. She shook her head.

“We were speaking!” She said throwing her hands up. “You didn’t have to grab me like I was your property Matt. And I think he got the message before you went all ‘Yeah our one year is next wekk. We’re soooo in love’—“ She shook her head.

He clenched his jaw and turned his head. “Yeah and you grabbing my arm and all of the sudden telling me very loudly how much you ‘loved the bracelet I got you’ while shoving it in her face was any better?” He asked making her look down and shake her head.

“You’re not my property y/n. But your my girlfriend. I’m not gonna cheat on you like—” he said shaking his head. She looked up at him glaring.

“What? Like my dad and my mom?” She asked shaking her head. He looked down shaking his head. “I never said that” He shook his head stepping towards her. She shook her head stepping back.

“No but you implied it, you asshole” She said shaking her head feeling tears come to my eyes. He glared at her.

“I’m an asshole? Really? You wouldn’t even look at me on the way home” He asked shaking his head. “Because I’m fucking mad at you!” She screamed making the world go still. She never raised her voice. She never cursed at him. He scoffed.

“So we’re doing this now huh?” He asked.

“I’m not doing this” She said stepping back tired of arguing. “Oh no, you can say that to me, but I’m not allowed to say anything back?” He asked throwing his hands up.

She sighed trying to contain her composure before she says something she really regrets.

“You were right, we need to walk away. Our one year is next week and we’re both angry and-“

“No you started this and you don’t want the repercussions. You always do this” He said looking down at her. Her mouth fell open.

“I always do this?” She asked shaking her head.

“Yes, you always do this” He nodded. She’d never been this angry at someone she loved so much.

“Admit that guy was flirting with you” he said loudly. She shook her head. They were talking. She hadn’t even noticed if he was flirting with her because she doesn’t look at anyone else like that other than him. Because why would she need to if she had him?

“Admit it, that girl wanted you” She whispered back. He glared at her. He’s not thought about a girl like that since he saw her in the coffee shop with that bird book. He thought that girl was genuinely interested in his tattoos.

He shook his head.

“No” he said back. She nodded looking down.

“Then call me when you get you head out of you ass” She shook her head and stepped back. He shook his head.

“Call me when you get your head out of those damn books” He spat making her pause and her eyes water.

“I hate you” She whispered. His heart dropped but he didn’t show it on his face. She didn’t mean it, he knew she didn’t. But it still hurt as if she did mean it.

“That’s all you ever care about right? Being the smartest person in the room? You always have to be right don’t you?” He said his eyes watering. She shook her head.

“You know that’s not true” She breathed. He shook his head. He did but he wasn’t admitting it.

“I don’t maybe it is!” He yelled.

“Maybe you’re just an insecure asshole!”

“Maybe we should just break up!”

-

After the end of all this, she realized that she was never scared of falling in love. How could one be? Falling in love is amazing. She knows first hand. Yeah it’s scary at first, but to love truly by another human being is worth it being scary.

No, she wasn’t afraid of falling in love. She was afraid of falling in love and then losing it. She was terrified to get hurt. To lose him. Because nothing else matter if she had him.

If she had him, everything was okay. When she lost him, what was the point?

Reading any love story. Watching any movies. What was the point?

Because she had fallen in love, and she lost it. She lost him. The blood curdling, heart clenching, falling at 100 miles per hour terrifying love. and now it was gone. Ripped away from her like it never belonged to her.

It wasn’t fair.

But I guess love never is.

Days went by by and she didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep, she couldn’t breathe without him. She thought the books that wrote about this type of pain were exaggerating. They weren’t. Simple enough they weren’t.

The science books running through her brain. It was just a chemical feeling. The emotions, you can control them. But you couldn’t. You can’t.

Science can’t take away this type of pain. This isn’t the type of that you can explain or type out into words. It’s the most excruciating type of pain one who’s been in love can feel. And the only person who can make I better is the one that hurt you.

The day of silence after was the worst part. All day she waited by her phone all day, her door all day. Silence. Dead silence.

The amount of times she reached for the phone or grabbed her keys to go to his house, but stopped herself. She couldn’t. He wanted it. And she loved him. She would embarrassingly do anything he asked of her. And he didn’t want her. So that’s what he got. Because she loved him, and it was killing her.

-

“Give her time, she will come to you” Chris pushed Matt back as he charged at him. “No she won’t you—you don’t know her-“ he cried looking at his brother. Nick and Chris looked at each other they’ve never seen their brother like this before. They didn’t know what to do.

“Our one year is tomorrow and—and—“ He choked. “No it’s not yall broke up” Chris shook his head. Matt’s heart clenched. No we didn’t. His mind raised. It’s not over me for. It will never be over for me.

“What are you gonna say huh? You have to think of something better than I’m sorry. You can’t just say I’m sorry” Nick shook his head at Matt. Matt gripped his hair shaking his head. He didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to go back. If he could just go back, he could fix everything. Take it all back. Not say those harsh words.

He hated himself for hurting her. It was eating him alive.

Then it clicked. It all clicked.

-

She hadn’t been going to classes and she definitely wasn’t going today. It was their one year. Well suppose to be there one year. If everything didn’t happen. If she didn’t start something that he finished. If she just didn’t say those things to him, just didn’t say anything. She would still be happy. He would still be in love.

She turned over on her bed falling into the groups of book by her bed that she had laid out. But no, science couldn’t fix this. She wasn’t even sure she could fix this. All she knew was that she just wanted to rip her heart out of her chest, that would hurt less than this.

She swallowed and sat up. She felt dizzy. When was the last time I drank some water? She thought. She reached over to her desk and grabbed a water fumbling with the cap and spilling it all over her. She sighed standing up and pulling her shirt over her head.

She didn’t even look herself in the mirror. She couldn’t. She pulled out one of Matt’s shirt before she decided she’s tortured herself enough and just throwing on an old tshirt of her own.

There was a knock at the door. She turned her head. No. It’s not him. She thought. It’s probably just your mother, asking you why you’re not showing up to classes. Something you’ve prided yourself in, your schoolwork and it was all slipping behind.

It wasn’t fair. Going through this. And he hasn’t even called. She teared but before she heard the knock again. She turned before walking out of her room and down the steps. She sighed before opening the door.

Matt stood there staring down at her. Tears in his eyes. She looked up at him. Her heart clenched. She didn’t know what to do. She stood frozen. She shook her head slightly.

“Y/n. Listen to me just listen—“ he said placing his hand on the door. She blinked at him. “Or don’t listen, just read” He said handing her the book she gave him so long ago.

The language of birds

She looked up at him. “If lost return to y/n right?” He breathed. She sighed looking down at the book opening it and a note slipped out of it and towards her foot. She furrowed her eyebrows and picked it up opening the note.

Y/n,

I know you’re a big reader and oh is that one of the many things I love about the person I love. I’m not good a words, as you have seen many times. So instead of saying it i wrote it. You taught me about these birds who are torn away from the king, on their own in unmarked territories and they are terrified. I know what you’re thinking, that’s us right now, apart from one another. But no. That’s not the ending I want or the ending you deserve.

You are the bird, you have always been the bird. You learned how to fly before anyone else and you’re the one who stands up. You fly away into unmarked territory that terrifies you, love. You fell in love first and I fell harder. You were terrified but fell into me even though you were scared. You trust me. You have my your heart and that’s the bravest and scariest thing you could have done, I know that. You’re flying back to the king because you want what’s comfortable, writing off love as your fear forever. But I’m begging you please stay, don’t fly back to the king. I need you hear with me. I always have and I always will.

I’m changing the ending to this stupid bird story and I’m not letting you fly away.

Y/n, you are my everything and I’m an idiot. I’ll always be an idiot, but I will never for as long as I love you the rest of my life will I ever make you feel like I don’t love you again. I love you so much. You are my bird.

please.

Tears flooded her eyes before she was even done with the note. She folded it and put it back into the book holding it close to her chest. He waited for her to finish. His heart beating out of his chest.

All that was running through his head was please please please.

She looked up at him. He watched her.

“I’ve always hated that ending to that book” She smiled as tears fell from her eyes. He sighed smiling.

“My baby” he sighed as he wrapped her arms around her as she hugged him, slightly crying against him.

“My bird” He whispered against the girl he loved so so much.

So maybe love wasn’t a simple as the books or movies. But in the end she knew, it was worth fighting for, even if it wasn’t pretty. But then again

Love never is

holyy okay this took all day to write but its my favorite thing ive ever wrote hope you love it❤️

tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #spotify

[c0eu4]

NEW MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

Indication : Sweet ☁︎ Smut ♡ personal fav pf

FEMALE F1 DRIVER

OSCAR P1ASTRI

- OP81 | Overstimulation ♡☁︎

She wanted to try role-play but she can't take it anymore. He takes care of her after it.

- OP81 | Crash ☁︎

After the biggest crash of Oscar's life, y/n go to see him at the hospital.

- OP81 | Hard work ☁︎ (pf)

After the biggest exam of her entire life, y/n found Oscar in front of her university, waiting for her.

- OP81 | Babies ♡

Oscar is looking for y/n around the paddock but can't find her until he saw her with Lando's niece.

- OP81 | Secret relationship (pf)

Y/n and Oscar are in a secret relationship, nobody knows about them. Until they are caught.

- OP81 | Mirror sex ♡ (pf)

y/n is a stressed student and Oscar helps her to take her stress away.

- OP81 | Caught ♡ part one - part two

Y/n is the apple of Lando’s eye. He always protected her from everyone. Well, that's what he thought until he realized that she's not that innocent... Especially with his teammate.

- OP81 | Spa session

Oscar is quietly at the spa and is disturbed by Y/n.

- OP81 | Valentine's Day evening

McLaren had the wonderful idea of revealing the new car on Valentine's Day evening..

🏎️_ _ _ _ _

OP81 | the dad compilation

LANDOSCAR x reader

- OP81 LN4 | Cuddles ☁︎ • blurbs

Y/n and Lando always cuddle together, and Oscar starts to get jealous.

- OP81 LN4 | Who is it?♡

Oscar and Lando wonder who Y/n knows best.

LANDO NORRIS

- LN4 | Welcome home ♡ (pf)

He found y/n in his hoodies, her favorite toy in her.

- LN4 | Tits (♡) part one - part two

Lando meets Y/n at a club and she asks him to sign her tits. A few days later, Lando is looking for her and they become friends. So she surprises him by coming to see him in Las Vegas.

CARLOS SAINZ

- CS55 | Breakfast ♡

She wakes up before Carlos to prepare breakfast but he's not going to eat food.

CHARLES LECLERC

- CL16 | Depress girlfriend ☁︎ (pf)

Charles comes back to his shared house after three weeks of intense race. But the thing he didn't expect is to find her girlfriend having a relapse.

- CL16 | Real orgasm ♡ (pf)

Summary: Y/n confess to Charles that she doesn't know what true orgasm is. And he shows her what it is.

- CL16 | Dirty boy ♡

Y/n keeps bothering her boyfriend until he gives in and shows her how to be a good girl.

- CL16 | Mine ♡

One of y/n's friends was too close to her at a party and Charles makes it clear to her in the evening when they returns home.

DANIEL RICCIARDO

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 smut #smut #f1 drivers #f1 x reader #fluff #smut fanfiction #op81 smut #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri f1 #oscar smut #oscar #oscar piastri #oscar piastri fanfic #piastri #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc f1 #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc smut #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz #lando norris x reader #lando norris #lando norris x reader smut #help he's so hot #daniel ricciardo #daniel riccardo x reader #daniel riccardo imagine #daniel ricciardo x reader

[emeraldspiral]

I feel like we don't talk enough about how Gaz is also a victim of Membrane's neglect and how that affects her sibling rivalry with Dib.

Like, I think because Dib is the deuteragonist of the show and Gaz is a supporting character it's easier to focus on analyzing him and everything going on in his life that influences his maladjusted behavior. But not a lot of people talk as much about why Gaz is the way she is. Why are her main emotions apathy and anger? Why is she the only other kid at skool besides Dib and Zim with no friends to hang out with at lunch or recess? Why are her revenges against Dib over things like cereal and pizza so over-the-top? Why does she purposefully try to destroy all human life and then get mad when it doesn't work?

Some of Gaz's behaviors have a pretty clear-cut cause and effect. She and Dib don't get to spend much time with their dad, so she gets upset when Dib's actions threaten their time together. Dib is also selfish and inconsiderate of Gaz, frequently stealing her food or talking her ear off about stuff she doesn't care about and expecting her to take an interest while never asking about her hobbies.

But I think some of her hostility toward Dib and general sour attitude can also be explained by Membrane's unequal treatment.

I've seen elsewhere that some people think Membrane favors Gaz because she's his "normal" child. He actually respects her gaming hobby and doesn't treat it like a phase she needs to grow out of. He doesn't talk down to her or try to push her into giving up something she loves in order to win his approval. Where Dib is constantly arguing with his dad about the legitimacy of his version of science, he and Gaz seem to have an easy rapport free of that kind of tension.

But is Membrane's behavior toward Gaz really a sign of favoritism, or just a different form of neglect?

The main conflict between Dib and Membrane stems from Membrane wanting Dib to be his successor. In Chickenfoot he specifically calls Dib "the future of the Membrane Empire", against Dib's wishes. In Mopiness of Doom, he and Dib finally bond when Dib decides to temporarily give up paranormal science and assist him with "real science". And supposedly, part of Eric Trueheart's clone Dib concept was that Membrane engineered Dib specifically to carry on his legacy.

But all of this begs the question, where does Gaz fit into Membrane's grand designs? Is she just the spare? She's just as smart, if not smarter than Dib, but we never see any indication that Membrane's trying to push her toward a career in science the way he is with Dib. It's one thing for him to not be bothered about her gaming hobby because it's not "disreputable", but there's no indication that Gaz has anymore interest in becoming a "real" scientist than Dib. So does Membrane just assume that since she's never shown any other ambitions she'll just fall straight down the path that's already been laid out for her, or does he just not care what she does with her life because he's only focused on living vicariously through Dib?

We don't know exactly how Membrane views his kids, but it's easy to see how a little girl might come to some pretty negative conclusions about what her status is in her father's eyes. Even if it's not true, Gaz might very well believe that he favors Dib. That despite Dib rejecting the legacy she was never considered for, despite him constantly getting into trouble and being weird and annoying and embarrassing, and putting his stupid hobbies ahead of their family, their dad doesn't give up on him as a lost cause. Even when he has another perfectly good child who mostly behaves herself and stays out of trouble, would never try to upstage him or ruin an important moment for him, who appreciates what little time they have together and would never jeopardize it by running off to play with some stupid alien, and who's just as smart and capable and not a weirdo paranormal-obsessed freak, Membrane still wants Dib to be his successor and not her.

Not only does this add more layers to her contempt for Dib, it could also explain her apathy and misanthropy. If her dad doesn't care about her, why should she care about anything? If he isn't concerned with her future, why should she concern herself with anything other than the immediate gratification of video games and pizza? Her dad and her brother both think their work is so much more important than spending quality time with her or talking about anything other than their "important work" whenever they're together. They both think they're saving the world, but they're either too blindly optimistic or too egotistical to realize that the slack-jawed idiots populating the planet are beyond salvation. But maybe if there was no humanity left for them to save, no heroic ambitions to fulfill, they'd finally treat her like someone worth paying attention too.

#invader zim #gaz #gaz membrane #professor membrane #dib #dib membrane #gaz is just as messed up as dib #her trauma just expresses itself in different ways

[jinwoosungs]

{ 137 }

like you do.

jinwoo sung x fem.reader

notes: this story is going to get so meta, so my apologies in advance. also, despite my status of requests being technically closed, this one was too good to ignore. full request description and story under the cut ♡

p.s. - listen to joji’s like you do.

{ and everyone else… they don't matter now | you're the one i can't lose | no one loves me like you do… }

anonymous said: Thank you for answeringgggg. This gonna be long. Be ready to get bored✨🫶 I keep thinking about your Jinwoo post. The divergent one to be exactly. What I've been thinking is kinda similar theme. What about, a reader who's always there for Jinwoo but not visible? Like she's a system or a quiet constellation that supports him from behind but under shadow. In the early chapter when Jinwoo is running out of coffee. Suddenly he found a thermos inside his bag with a warm coffee. He didn't remember to prepare it, but since it was already inside his bag maybe Jin-ah put it in or he forgot, but it was the readers! Another chance, readers always help him in silence like, sometimes heal him a little by little, didn't want make a big question mark if he suddenly fully healed in a sec right? Helping to take care of Jin-ah and his mom whenever he's not there for them, healing the resident when war so there's no much loss happen and many little things that she do to help him. She gets jealous seeing him asking Hae-in to the amusement park, but what she can do though, she just loves him too much to be happy for him to find love. In the end, when he reaches his happy ending, the reader finds the courage to say goodbye. Whispering to Jinwoo's ear softly, saying goodbye and hoping he'll be happy. Then it felt like a snap for Jinwoo. It's... Warm, it's felt like it's always there, the reasons able to fight every problem and challenge, then it's gone, he doesn't feel complete anymore. This time for Jinwoo for searching readers! 📸📸 Sorry if my English is not good, it's not my first language 😔😔. Just want to drop this idea instead let it run around my mind and make me crazy to thinking Jinwoo and his readers who are always there🫶🫶🫶 Love you, my top list favorite person❤️❤️😼

{ ... }

it was pathetic, really.

sung jinwoo wasn't even someone that existed-

so why was it that your heart raced each time you would see his achingly handsome features against your phone's screen?

why does your heart continue to pound and fill your chest with butterflies with each new volume of solo leveling that came out?

and why did you have to get so jealous, witnessing the pure love jinwoo had in his eyes for cha hae-in?

it was so obvious that you were in love with him; genuinely in love with him despite how he would never be real.

in reality, you were bit of an introverted person, attending university with your head bowed down in a manner that let your peers know that you were closed off and shy. that you never could find the confidence to be your true self while in front of those who didn't know you.

perhaps that was why your heart was so drawn to a character like sung jinwoo. after all, he started out as being known as the weakest in the world; a meek and timid man who hid his anxieties behind a kind smile.

but you loved him all the same.

even when knowing he would never be able to see you-

or how you would never get to feel the safety of his arms around you-

or see the passion in his glowing eyes each time he would protect you from danger.

it would never be a reality for you-

yet still, you cherished jinwoo deeply,

like a lover would.

so, you spend your days reading stories pertaining to him, inserting yourself within these various daydreams as you tricked your heart into believing that he loved you, too.

after all, it was the one thing you could do to assuage the heartache you constantly felt whenever you saw jinwoo chasing after hae-in, even after he reset everything in order to protect the world.

even if you could never be his true lover, no matter how hard you tried to shift into his reality and be with him.

with a heavy heart while being surrounded by the various volumes of solo leveling, you lay still in your bed and put your phone down. you had finished re-reading the side stories that pertained to jinwoo's life after the reset and how his shadow soldiers were so happy that he found hae-in again-

and you had to stop because you felt your throat closing up due to the heartache and jealousy of it all.

feeling the warm tears streaming down your face, you close your eyes and fall into what you hoped would be a dreamless slumber-

only to be proven wrong the moment you lost your consciousness.

{ ... }

[ ... resetting ... ]

[ ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ]

[ now loading ]

[ SUNG JINWOO'S GUARDIAN ]

a strange sensation was felt coursing through your veins, and you awaken with a gasp, feeling your heart pounding as your eyes take in the scenery that surrounds you.

it takes you a minute to reorient yourself, with you standing shakily on your two feet, wiping the sleep from your eyes. you were dimly aware of the translucent screens that block your periphery. but... you weren't paying attention to that.

you allow your eyes to look around, widening upon feeling the sudden nostalgia that fills you. somehow... you knew that you recognized this city. but something felt... off.

for starters, the colors were so much brighter than what you were used to. it was as though the city were made by an artist who was passionate about their drawings coming to life. as you were left feeling awed, all while wondering why this all looked familiar to you was when you finally realized-

you were in seoul, south korea-

specifically, the seoul that was the main setting for solo leveling.

you felt the air rushing out of your lungs in labored puffs, your heart seeming to palpitate out of your chest when you allow your eyes to look in front of you, finally seeing the translucent screen and its message:

[ the system welcomes you... ]

"i... can you understand me?" you were speaking to the screen, feeling your heart jump against your chest when another message appears.

[ yes. i have chosen you to help with the development of the future shadow monarch. ]

you recognize jinwoo's title, ready to say something had it not been for the fact that you saw sung jinwoo himself running past you. your heart was caught in the confines of your throat, seeing jinwoo who had yet been awakened.

even with his frumpy appearance and lackluster clothes, your heart still managed to race for him. his grey eyes was much softer now, not attaining the edge of his post-awakened self quite yet. he was uncertain and shy, but you knew that deep down he had a heart of gold that wanted nothing more than to care for and protect his mother and little sister.

that was the sole trait that never changed-

and you loved him for it.

filled with a longing to be with him, to reach out and touch him, you didn't even think twice when you extended your hands out to him. you wanted so badly to touch his shoulder and tell him how everything was going to be okay-

that all of his dreams (and more) would come true as long as he remained vigilant and brave throughout each trial and tribulations he had to face-

yet the moment your hand was place on his shoulder, you felt it pass through him…

your eyes became wide once more, looking down at your hands as you saw that they were also translucent. that your appearance seemed to mimic that of static itself, not quite taking a physical form despite how much you knew that you existed in this realm.

[ i am sorry, but i cannot have your existence meddle with the monarch's story. ]

you turn your gaze back to the screens-

back to the system's way of communicating with you.

[ however, i do know that your heart and soul are pure, and that your feelings for sung jinwoo remain true. ]

[ so i will grant you your desire of helping him. the system i have made for you is deeply tied to sung jinwoo. whatever item you wish to give him shall appear as the young man continues to level up. ]

[ do you agree to remain as SUNG JINWOO'S GUARDIAN? ]

"...yes."

your voice suddenly became much stronger now, being filled with a determination that you didn't believe was even possible. just the thought that you were given this chance to be close to jinwoo was enough to bring you an immense amount of joy.

"i accept being his guardian... and helping him whenever he is in need."

[ ... very well. go on and carry out your first mission. ]

with one last nod, you await the system's next message as it read.

[ MISSION 1: FOLLOW SUNG JINWOO TO THE FIRST GATE; CONSTRUCTION SITE ]

already knowing the scene that was meant to play out, you keep your gaze honed in on jinwoo as he quickly crossed the street, with you chasing after him.

your movements were fluid, and you were so happy that the system gave you the ability to fly, allowing you to keep track of jinwoo and where he currently was at all times. you bask in such freedom of flight and stopped when you reached the construction sight.

as if flight came as natural as breathing to you, you gently land next to jinwoo, seeing his forlorn gaze each time the older hunters insulted him, referring him to the weakest in the world. all you wanted to do was comfort him, and despite how you knew he would never feel you-

you couldn't stop yourself from wrapping your arms around him.

"it's okay, you will become stronger. and... i will be with you every step of the way." you say while keeping your arms hovered over his shoulders, your lips press against his skin in a phantom kiss while whispering lovingly within his ear.

suddenly, you take notice when he perks up, grey eyes filled with a newfound determination. you weren't sure what happened, but jinwoo seemed to find a bit of confidence as he steps closer to the coffee stand and speaks to the worker.

"hi, may i have a cup of coffee?"

the worker gives him a nervous smile while giving jinwoo a gentle shake of his head.

"ah, hunter sung jinwoo... i'm sorry, all the coffee ran out just now."

you watch as a look of disappointment appears on jinwoo's face, hearing him let out a sigh as you quickly called out to the system.

"please, give me a thermos filled with warm coffee, made the way jinwoo likes it."

the system then flashes you a screen, showing you your inventory as a green thermos was seen with the words FRESH COFFEE printed below it. you reach your hand and touch at the screen, allowing the thermos to appear at the palm of your hand before disappearing completely from your inventory.

with gentle movements, you manage to move the thermos filled with hot coffee towards one of the pockets seen on jinwoo's backpack, the sudden weight and appearance of the thermos making jinwoo take a step backwards.

"what the...?!"

you stand off to the side, feeling your heart beginning to race with happiness the moment jinwoo reaches into his backpack and pulls out the warm thermos, his eyes going wide. you couldn't help but gently laugh at his bewildered expression.

he was just so cute to you.

with a smile on your face, you watch as he opens the thermos, taking a swig out of the coffee while letting out a happy sigh. "wow, just how i like it, too. maybe jinah made this for me?"

"i'm really sorry about this, hunter sung jinwoo!" the worker calls out to him, but jinwoo simply smiles back at him.

"no worries! i think my sister packed some coffee for me before she left, so it's fine!"

before you could watch jinwoo enter the gate, you were suddenly pulled back by a force, preventing you from moving forward.

[ MISSION 1, COMPLETED ]

with a look of absolute yearning, you call out to jinwoo,

"STAY STRONG AND BE BRAVE! I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

and for a brief second, before you were ripped away from this tiny portion of his life, you could have sworn that jinwoo turn around to look in your direction-

{ ... }

despite how this all felt unreal to you, you couldn't deny the sheer amount of happiness you felt, being labeled as jinwoo's guardian by the system.

in fact, you had felt so blessed, being a part of jinwoo's most prominent moments in his life.

from his second awakening, being resurrected due to the system's choosing while giving him several side quests and missions-

to helping him heal even the most grievous of injuries when he had to go against kang taeshik-

you were just so elated by it all.

never once did you leave his side, using your own system in hopes of making jinwoo's life easier.

[ COMPLETE ]

[ COMPLETE ]

[ COMPLETE ]

it was strange, but each mission that was given to you was tied deeply to your desire to help and protect jinwoo. whenever jinwoo had a need for a certain potion or elixir to help with replenishing his stamina or mana (especially during his earlier stages of leveling up), it would always mysteriously appear in front of him.

and during the moments where jinwoo showed his concerns for his mother and the well-being of his little sister, you would always stay behind and make sure that they were doing well. you knew that someday soon, jinwoo would make the holy water of life for his mother, but still kept watch over her to make sure that she remained undisturbed.

you kept going through the motions of his life, and once jinwoo was able to safely awaken his mother, you left jinwoo's side to give him a moment of privacy between him and her. even though you knew what would happen (burning the image of his crying face filled with relief and joy into your memories), it didn’t feel right to intrude on such an intimate moment.

yet you leaving the scene in the hospital suddenly brought you to a different part in jinwoo's life.

it had to be sometime after his mother's awakening, as jinwoo was seen dressed in all black. his hair was blowing gently with the wind as he remained seated on top of a building. his eyes were glowing, and it seemed as though he was waiting for something. you trail your gaze up towards the skies, seeing it being painted in an ominous, glowing violet hue.

you suddenly felt a strange pang against your chest, recognizing this scene as being the one that made you so jealous that it hurt.

it was the scene where jinwoo ask hae-in out to the amusement park before showing her the starry skies.

you watch with your heart clenching so painfully when he chooses cha hae-in's number and gives her a call, his voice filled with a gentle fondness as he asks if she was free. knowing what would happen in the chapter, it was clear that she would drop her training, just to be with him.

despite how you felt your throat clenching in response, you were given little time to react as the scene suddenly shifts once more, leaving your form cast to the side as you landed haphazardly against the street of the amusement park.

you could feel the heat dyed against your cheeks, finally grateful that no one could see you. you look to your front to see jinwoo and hae-in walking together, feeling your heartache reach even new levels. surrounding you were people who looked at the two hunters with awe, clearly admiring them as they stepped aside and made room for them, allowing them to walk freely around the amusement park.

if you thought reading this chapter was difficult, then your past self was dead wrong-

for witnessing this in action hurt far worse than this.

you shake your head just then, fighting back your tears as you stood back to your full height. with a determined nod, you take to the skies once more, following the future couple as they continued their endeavors within the amusement park.

you kept your focus on jinwoo, ignoring the pain in your heart each time hae-in was beside him.

like a movie playing out on the big screen, you watch as they rode every ride the amusement park had to offer. their expressions were left blank and filled with a boredom, not feeling the thrills like normal people would.

in fact, the scene was so funny and cute that you couldn't help but laugh.

after spending a few hours tailing from close behind them, you follow jinwoo and hae-in as they had lunch together.

"are you getting bored?"

"hey, no. i'm having fun."

hae-in admits to jinwoo while taking sips of her soda.

you could hear the amusement in jinwoo's voice when he asks, "then how come you haven't cried or screamed at least once?"

he sighs while playing with the straw of his own drink, resting his cheek against the palm of his hand while stating, "the games are a bit 'slow', aren't they?"

"hm, ah... yes..." there seemed to be a bit of an awkward silence when hae-in trails off.

suddenly, your heart was felt clenching once more when jinwoo gives hae-in a charming smile.

"so should we get on to something more exciting?"

her blush was evident, and you could barely breathe when the scene shifts once more.

you were back to the skies now, with jinwoo and hae-in riding on one of his shadow soldiers, a large dragon that flew across the heavens while seeming to cut through the setting sun with its shadowy wings. even as the tears were felt streaming down your face, you couldn't deny that such a scene was utterly beautiful to you.

you could not hear a single word that was being said between them, but you recall their words clearly from reading it so many times, back when your pain felt so fresh- just like an open wound against your heart.

you continue to hover above jinwoo and hae-in, allowing your tears to fall down against his cheek as his eyes seemed to widen in response.

"what... is it raining?" jinwoo trails his eyes up at the sky, and you had to move away from them as hae-in gave jinwoo a questioning glance.

"no, there are no clouds... it's not raining at all."

forcing your heart to calm down its rapid beats, you let out a shaky breath, wondering if somehow...

he could feel you after all...?

you shake your head at the thought and continue to follow them, knowing exactly where jinwoo planned to take her as the scene shifts for you once more. you watch as they arrived at a gorgeous meadow surrounded by the gentle forest, remaining up high in the sky as they admired the stars together.

"system... could you do something for me?"

[ of course. ]

you close your eyes and allow the tears to freely fall now. "summon a meteor shower... a show of the stars and heavens themselves for the lovers to enjoy."

[ as you wish. ]

you allow the system to summon a gorgeous meteor shower, hearing hae-in's gentle gasp while looking up at the stars. streaks of light trailed behind each meteor as the starry skies seemed to glow in response to the strange and ephemeral phenomena.

"it's so... beautiful."

your smile was filled with a hidden sadness, yet you couldn’t deny just how happy you felt being able to do this for him. and as you look over to see jinwoo's own reaction, you felt your heart stop in response.

for he was not looking at the skies or the falling stars-

he was looking directly at you.

"yes... beautiful."

yet before you could even speak, you saw the system's message as you were pulled away from the moment once more.

[ COMMENCING FINAL MISSION: FAREWELL ]

your heart was pounding as the tears fell freely down your face, suddenly taken to what looked like a more peaceful time.

your feet were staggering, trying to maintain your balance when you take shaky steps against the sidewalk. the sun was setting, and you saw what looked like jinwoo in his university years, standing with hae-in as he spoke to her while admiring the setting sun.

you knew what you had to do. now that you had done what your heart had always desired to do, you step closer to jinwoo to whisper in his ear.

"jinwoo, even though i am certain that you never saw me, i thank you for giving me this chance to be with you... to help with making your life even the tiniest bit better."

you let out a sniffle before shakily continuing,

"you have always been a sole source of comfort for me, and i know i need to take this chance and let you go so you can find the happiness that you deserve."

as jinwoo continues to smile down at hae-in, hanging on to her every word, that was when you let your tears fall once more before telling him one last time.

"i love you, and i'll always wish for your happiness."

with those finally words set free from the depths of your heart and soul, you felt a warmth filling you, with your form disintegrating into thin air as you felt your consciousness slowly return back to your world. yet even though you knew you would never see him again, you felt... content-

at peace, even.

[ well done, it is time for you to awaken... ]

the last thing you recall was seeing a blinding light… allowing your body to bask in its brilliance one last time…

{ ... }

there was a sudden emptiness felt within the depths of sung jinwoo's heart-

and he wasn't sure what was wrong with him.

jinwoo was never the same after he lost... something; even after he had used the cup of reincarnation while proceeding to live his life as a normal human being, there was a gaping hole left within his chest.

he remembers the feeling of a warmth surrounding him; of the sounds of a gentle voice calling out to him while encouraging him. it may have been silly, but...

jinwoo developed a great courage and strength thanks to that gentle voice alone.

yet now, he felt as though he had suddenly lost it.

no longer did he feel such warmth coursing through his veins. no longer could he feel that comforting presence that made his courage soar to new heights-

heights that he never could believe he could even reach.

such feelings of emptiness was what ultimately made his heart feel closed off from those that he loved...

from his parents and sister...

from cha hae-in.

he spent the following days being lost in a trance, and he didn't know what to do to feel whole again.

"my, i did not believe that the loss of her presence would affect you so deeply."

jinwoo lets out a gasp, suddenly finding himself within the same meadows ashborn had confronted him in; the moment he had died and was fully reborn as ashborn's successor- the shadow monarch.

the wind was felt coursing through his hair, and he could not bring himself to speak to ashborn, eyes losing what little light it once had.

had he fallen asleep? was that why he was back in the land of repose?

"you are unhappy." ashborn's voice echoes throughout the realm, and jinwoo could no longer ignore him.

"am i unhappy?"

jinwoo was dimly aware of the bitter laugh that escapes from ashborn's parted lips before suddenly changing into someone-

an unfamiliar young woman as his voice takes on her tone.

"have you forgotten? i am you and you are me."

jinwoo recognizes that voice, eyes going wide as he reaches out to the unfamiliar figure-

he was certain he had never seen such a young woman before in his life-

yet that voice-

that resounding voice who always always always seemed to comfort him when his fears had taken over him-

the strange image of the young woman and that comforting voice-

it had to be one and the same.

"who is she?! and... how come i can't seem to find her, or even know her... yet- i-i know her voice! she-"

"the woman hails from another universe, one that is like the world you currently reside it, yet different."

jinwoo could feel his head begin to spin upon hearing such a revelation. "she... she is-"

"she is not from your world. your lives would have never collided had it not been for my intervention."

the young hunter's throat began to turn dry, unable to form a coherent thought when ashborn continues to speak.

"the world she lives in is a safe one; one where the only monsters that exists are simply those selfish humans and their own dark desires. gates and the presence of rulers and monarchs have never touched her world..."

he watches with a fascination, seeing the alluring girl flash him a smile.

"in fact, your whole life may be nothing but a mere story within her world."

jinwoo finally snaps out of it, hands clenched into fists when he asks, "how can i reach her? is there a way for me to be with her with the way i am now? can i use my powers as a monarch to find her?"

"... don't you think it's foolish to give up all that you've known for her?"

ashborn's words were enough to make jinwoo freeze in his tracks.

"think carefully about my words, i told you she comes from a world where beings like monarchs and rulers do not exist.

if you decide to find her; to join her in such a world that is so vastly different from your own, then you will lose your powers as a monarch. you will be reverted back to a normal man.

will you truly give up your peaceful life here? your family, your friends- every battle you have faced will be all for naught if you decide to reach her."

jinwoo allows his hair to fall across his eyes, covering them from ashborn when he steadily asks, "why did you allow her to come here, then?”

a silence was felt permeating at the air, becoming thick with tension as ashborn decided on whether to tell him the truth or not.

"i sent her here, allowing her to live certain moments of your life together solely because of the strength of love she held for you."

that was all the answer jinwoo needed as he met with ashborn's gaze, telling him his answer with a determination seen within his glowing, purple eyes.

{ ... }

you wake up with a start, your breathing coming out in shaky breath as the tears couldn't seem to stop. with a sigh, you cover your swollen eyes with both of your hands, struggling to catch your breath as you sorted through your every emotion.

you felt happy-

you felt love and adoration-

and the pinpricks of heartbreak coming into full fruition at the memory of jinwoo and hae-in together.

yet perhaps more so than that was the feeling of utter peace you felt after waking up from your dream.

feeling your smile going wide, you decide to wake up and begin your day.

you collect the volumes of solo leveling that you owned, making a note to yourself to buy the next volume when it came out. as you placed the solo leveling manhwa on your bookshelf, you begin to tidy up your room (making your bed and charging your phone in the process.)

it was strange; despite how you were 100% certain that you had been dreaming about being close to jinwoo as his guardian, you couldn't deny how much happier you felt once you woke up. it was true, the heartache was still there, yet you knew that as long as jinwoo was happy-

then you would be happy, too.

letting out a content sigh, you decide that it was high time that you changed your life for the better-

all while using the courage jinwoo had given you to become stronger.

{ ... }

there were rumors going around about a cute new freshman who transferred to your university, and despite how you held zero interest for any new students (because truly, new students came in troves each semester), you couldn't deny that you felt intrigued.

apparently, he was korean, with a face that could match with any current idol. according to the rumors, he had messy locks of black hair and dreamy, grey eyes. several girls had already tried speaking to him, practically throwing themselves at him-

yet he would always turn them down and tell them that he already had someone he liked.

but that didn't seem to discourage the girls (and some of the boys, too) from crushing on this handsome freshman. and admittedly, their antics seemed to greatly amuse you.

after completing your study sessions with your friends, you tell them that you had to go back to your dorm and make some dinner while working on your paper that was due soon. despite how they didn't want to see you go, you admitted to them how you would be too distracted at wanting to talk to them to get much work done.

in the end, they relented and allowed you to leave. you were simply walking back to your dorm, finding safety and comfort from within the street lamps that lit up the sidewalks. as you continued your trek, you look up to see an extremely tall young man walking down in the opposite direction.

the sight of him dressed in a hoodie and jeans makes you stop dead in your tracks, unable to look away from him. he also takes notice of your stance, yet instead of ignoring you and walking away-

he takes several steps towards you.

you were frozen on the spot, left staring up at him as the young man pulls down his hood, revealing unruly locks of ebony hair and a kind smile to you.

"hey, i've been looking everywhere for you."

his tone had a hint of an accent on it, but you couldn't deny that his english was impeccable. his presence made you feel butterflies all across your abdomen, and you weren't sure why that was.

"d-do i know you?"

you hear his rich chuckle echoing throughout the campus as he steps closer to you, allowing his large hand to gently touch at your cheek in an almost tender manner.

he whispers your name all while tracing at your bottom lip with his thumb.

"you do know me... i think you know me better than anyone else in the entire universe."

you then trail your gaze up to his eyes, only to see the perfect grey quality of them.

"sung jinwoo?!" his name comes out as a shock to you, yet before you could even fully process it, he takes you in his arms, allowing you to bury your face within his chest as a sense of relief courses through him.

"you have no idea how utterly lost i felt without you... how much my life had gone stale the moment you had said your goodbyes to me."

words were unable to come from your parted lips, your breathing coming out in ragged gasps as you suddenly felt the tears dot your vision. unable to deny the love you still held for him, you allow your arms to wrap around his back-

almost greedily.

"y-you know who i am?"

jinwoo's chuckle was a light one, and you felt something soft touching at the top of your hair when he admits to you.

"ashborn showed me your actions through the system... and once i realized how you were always there for me, i knew that i could not let you go."

he gently pulls you away from his chest, his eyes filled with emotion as tears streamed down his cheek, "i know that it was selfish of me, giving up everything that i have known just to be with you-

b-but in the end, it was worth it because i know that no one loves me like you do."

unable to hide back your happiness, you lean up to meet with his parted lips in a searing kiss. you could taste the saltiness of his tears as he held on to you, not daring to let you go as you basked in the arms of the man who loved you enough to give up everything he had ever known-

a man who would choose to cross universes, just to be with you.

a.n. - damn, this story was 5k words 🥹 but i hope that this was a story that you dreamt of, sweet reader of mine; one that would help put your daydreams to rest as i tried to bring each word to life. this is unedited, but i promise i'll make any edits after i post this absolute masterpiece of a request

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

#sung jinwoo x reader #jinwoo sung x reader #sung jinwoo x you #jinwoo sung x you #solo leveling x reader #sung jinwoo #jinwoo sung #.stories