#so calling someone cis feels like well how the fuck do i know that lol.
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also I like whatever joker and bruce gender/body situation. t4t, trans one or the other, both "cis", both nonbinary whatever! I love all potential and fun things :) whatever works best for what makes it fun in the moment is what I always say
#like i dont want yall to look at my art and think i only like the one thing?#i like a lot of things!!!#right now i prefer trans boy joker and nonbinary he/him bruce#the concept of cisgender is getting sillier and sillier to me to abide by bc i think of gender like a name#you dont call people mary and nonmary......#why would i call you cis or noncis..... u know?#so continuing to default to a shitty system feels worse to me than using the technically correct language?#i think we should all be assigned nonbinary at birth and choose later#so calling someone cis feels like well how the fuck do i know that lol.#anyways not to go to the gendergarten on a batman post
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Ugh, great. Tumblr is making me sad now too lol.
I knew there were terfs and radfems, but I didn't expect there to be SO MANY. You just see transmeds, radfems and terfs literally on NEARLY EVERY POST trans women will talk about their experiences, even if it has NOTHING TO DO with them, even if they're asked to not interact.
I straight up saw and had to block a bunch of radfems and terfs on here calling a nonbinary person a NARCISSIST just for talking about their experience exploring their gender identity over the years, and saying they just "wanted to be special". ????
Then I saw them dunking on another trans woman who was talking about this phenomenon transphobes often do where they project their feelings of cis men onto trans women (which I think was worded very well and it helped me really understand why a lot of transphobia occurs, and I'm super thankful she could explain it in a way that made sense), and all the comments were misgendering her and calling her crazy and delusional, and acting like she was forcing them to be into her when literally all she was saying was just "don't lump us in with how you feel about cis men cuz we're not the same and not even all trans women experience sex the same way". She never, at any point, demanded you be into her, she just asked to not be treated with disrespect. And I don't understand how all these radfems act like they get to tell her she's wrong when, hello, you're not trans? She is?? She knows the trans experience and other trans people? Who are you to act like you get to police that?
It just makes me really fuckin depressed and anxious, especially thinking about all my trans friends and my partner who probably have to deal with disgusting people like this, whether they're transfem, transmasc, non binary, etc. Radfems don't care - they just want a reason to hate on someone and use them as scapegoats and it sucks. It fucking sucks.
They even tried to speak for bi women when it's like? No?? I'm a bi woman and I'm not a transphobic jerk?? As someone who's a bi girl and is also afraid of most men to an extent, I'm not going to use my past trauma in order to be hateful because 1.) That's a shitty thing to do, 2.) Even if my nb partner had a dick i would still love them all the same bscause they are kind, caring, and listen so much better than anyone else I've been with, 3.) You're not going to solve misogyny with even more misogyny and bigotry.It makes me so fucking afraid even if I'm a cis woman because, damnit, I just want my fucking friends to be happy without hateful people like this.
Hell, I even saw them accusing CIS WOMEN of "not being real women" when they didn't approve of them. I saw some blogs rb some shit like " 'some women don't produce eggs--' are you sure they're real women?" And that just made my fucking blood boil. Because it just fucking PROVES they don't care about women. If they did they would understand plenty of cis women want kids, plenty of them want families but can't have them, plenty of disabled women aren't able to produce eggs due to their illnesses, plenty of women from other ethnicities like Hispanic women might have features they consider masculine like more visible body hair (something that, as a Hispanic woman, made me feel very icky and gross until I accepted body hair was not a gendered thing, no matter how much society pushed it to me as one.)
And I will never, ever understand how you would push these stupid expectations on women everyone, trans and cis alike, when you know damn well how fuckin hard and painful it is to constantly be forced to meet society's standards. If you REALLY want "liberation", why are you oppressing people even further? If you really want equality, why are you beating people down? Why are you forcing us all to fit in boxes?
They act like they're so woke and big brained to hate on trans people like this but really, they're just hateful and contributing to the hate non-men everywhere have had to endure for ages just for not being men. And I will never, ever accept someone that does things like that as a feminist.
You are NOT a feminist if your activism is limited only to women you personally like and approve of.
#tw vent#tw transphobes#transphobia#tw misgendering#if you don't like someone and they're not doing anything to you then just leave them the fuck alone for the love of God#feminism#i really needed to get this out there#i hope terfs don't fucking flood my mentions now#i just want people to stop being so hateful and gross#and to stop putting us in boxes#is that too much to ask
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❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?
THE SALTY AF MUNDAY MEME
Nothing as of yet, lol. But I do feel like my patience is waning with this place. Mostly, I'm exhausted about how easily people throw the word "triggered/triggering" around, and how people get upset about every, little thing. I'm exhausted that you make one, tiny mistake and even apologise about your ignorance (even if it was an innocent mistake!) and you've been cancelled and everyone hates you and demonises you. When did we become such a hate filled community that can do no wrong, and if you do do wrong, then how can you possibly come back from it?
This website used to be a safe haven for people who wanted to have fun and enjoy the same things together, no matter how "problematic" a character might be. It used to be a place for us to enjoy all the weird shit that we enjoy and couldn't enjoy outside because we were seen as the outcasts and those that society thought were nerds and weirdos who liked video games and pop culture and metal music and LGBTQA+ communities. We were the outcasts that found solace within each other. We used to come together because we were different! And now if you have an opinion someone doesn't like, you may as well pack your shit and leave because they'll find some way to attack you.
I am very lucky that I've never been involved in drama, but that doesn't mean I don't see it from where I sit. It doesn't mean I don't see it from friends and those I follow, as they are attacked over something that literally is MEANINGLESS and more hurtful to a community from the person who is doing the attacking. I have literally had someone try and cissplain (I say that because she was cis) to me because they didn't know I was transsexual (yes, I use that term for myself because I am not comfortable with being called transgender and that is MY choice), because they assumed I was a cis man (which I have no problem with because I do not like people knowing I am afab--it is NO ONE's business what is in my pants, but I have seen the hate towards men on this website, and unless you're a man with a vagina, you can't do anything right and it's blatant sexism, not to mention pretty much saying any afab is not a real man if that's the way you treat them, OH but not ALL men AKA oh but not ones that were born with vaginas, how can they do anything wrong when they're still obviously female?). That's what you sound like. The moment you start treating us differently to other men, the moment you're basically segregating us to what you see as other men. We'll never be real men to you.
The double standard bullshit on this website is honestly painful. There is nothing wrong with being straight (coming from a homosexual/ace), there is nothing wrong with being a man (coming from a transsexual man born afab), there is nothing wrong with supporting heterosexual relationships. This is just scraping the surface of the issues on this website with "woke culture". Don't even get me started on the amount of times I've seen white people speak over PoC about PoC issues because they're trying to be white knight allies.
There is so much infighting within this place to try and be the BEST ally or the best PC person for popularity sake, not for legitimate reasons to help. This is what people want. They want us fighting between ourselves because it means our attention is here and not out THERE, where the actual problems are.
Honestly? I just wanna fucking write with people. That's why I'm here! I'm so tired of everything having to be a political battle.
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How NOT To Get The Girl
I know, I know. I said I would wait to dive back in until tomorrow. But I'm being overpowered by 1.) an overwhelming bout of horniness and 2.) the overwhelming desire to do something artistic. What can I say - the trip up North must've inspired me to put on my writing cap (and a pair of panties) and get back to work.
I wish that this post was as peppy as that introduction. But honestly it's going to go pretty far downhill from here. Don't worry - I'm not going anywhere!
I'm posting this because...
A. If you're reading this and you fit the description of the following people - you should probably navigate off my page - because I'm not interested.
B. I want to see what you (the internet) have to say about these people and if their non-unique style of... well we will call it "pick up lines" or "DM first impressions" - can ACTUALLY ever get them laid.
I should include email addresses. I should include user names. I should include every possible detail that I can... But I am above that. And honestly, exposing these people may just cause more harm than good for me in the long run.
At this point, I find the following laughable. And I've had a great weekend and a nice evening (may have been a little naughty with a toy earlier lol.) So yeah - I'm in a good mood, and I won't let some desperate, pathetically horny man ruin that....
I'm rambling. Here is the shit I am talking about... (NOTE: the following messages are REAL - the email addresses have been replaced by your truly. Don't attempt to email these addresses lol.)
You really have to love when a man has a way with words <3
Or how about this one...
Or maybe this one is the best! (so tempted to put his real email lol.)
Pathetic aren't they? Do you want to know what is even more pathetic? I have hundreds, if not thousands of these sitting in my inbox. I could block them - but it's fun to watch them try. These inquiries (as romantic as they are) are obviously the product of entitlement followed by rejection. And it isn't just rejection from a gender fluid bomb shell like myself. It's rejection from CIS women, trans women, and basically anything they feel entitled to sticking their dicks into.
What's even funnier - I haven't even rejected these fools - they're just automatically out for blood because they've already botched MULTIPLE attempts at talking people of the opposite gender.
But hey - these guys are "alpha males" 😏
Truly laughable...
How about a little context though, eh?
Back when I first started my journey into cross dressing, long before I knew about my fluidity, I was eager to meet like minded people. I don't remember where or when - but I was introduced to Double List. Now I've had some great experiences that came directly from my DL ads - so I can't bash the site and write it completely off as being toxic and borderline useless. But for every okay experience that I had while posting personal ads (think craigslist) I had about 100 plus TERRIBLE dead end conversations to show for it.
i.e. the examples above lol.
It's crazy. How something such as sexual frustration can lead to such hurtful words and sentences. That last one for example - was any of that necessary? No. But because this "alpha" keeps falling short in the pussy department - he decides to take it out on someone who didn't do anything to him directly.
I have had to constantly cover my face and other body parts to get by or "pass". It's not ideal, and I've talked a bit about that in my earlier posts as well. Unfortunately, that is the nature of my situation - and it will remain that way until further notice. So rather than lead people astray with things like photoshop and Face App - both of which I have used VERY early in my journey (see the next pic) - I decided to be upfront with my ads and let potential suitors know what they'd be getting into.
Here is what I determined...
Men can't fucking read (some guys can... but most... nope)
Men don't WANT to read
Some men that read can't comprehend what they're reading
The men who successfully read an entire ad don't give a shit about what you (or in this case me) want.
Check this out....
Here are two guys who "successfully" read one of my advertisements (I use successfully very lightly here.) They can tell that they aren't what I am looking for - and so that means that what I want is WRONG. How sad is that? I don't tell them that their desires, ads, etc. are invalid... So why are mine? The best part is the amount of time that these people are spending to harass me (and many like me.)
---
This isn't a pity party. And I'm not looking for sympathy. Quite the opposite actually. I am trying to help you. Yes you! The one guy who does the same shit up above who also somehow read this far (gold star sticker for you!)
Look, this type of behavior isn't going to get you anywhere. Even the people who love dominance still want to be heard. They still want to know you read the post, the ad, the listing, etc. It shows you give a shit about safety, safe words, what TO do and what NOT to do. The world of kinks and BDSM revolves around trust. And when you do the things that these guys do - you're proving that you're a loose cannon, and that you're a high risk individual to partner with.
I actually APPRECIATE when men send these emails. Because I add their email address to a spread sheet and I make a mental note that this person is UNPREDICTABLE and more importantly - unsafe.
I'm sure as my journey continues I will have many more entries that revolve around this same topic - so lets consider this "How NOT To Get The Girl Pt. 1"... And please, try not to make it into my next batch of screen shots ;) I may "forget" to blur the names
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
---------------
My apologies for coming back with such a negative post. I should've started with something a little more soft and positive after returning from the trip. I swear - tomorrow I will get back to the peppy sexy content ;)
Sleep Well Everyone!
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Fuck I'm so frustrated. There's a guy I met in February at a concert who I instantly got along with, and got the sense we would be best friends almost immediately, he loves metal, he loves cats, he's really funny, he makes these great comedy videos with his friends on youtube, he's a pro wrestler, he said he'd fly all the way to Italy just to watch me get some ghost merch papally blessed at the vatican because it would be funny. But recently he's been sending these like, dark, edgy memes. Family guy clips and shit. At first I thought well whatever, probably just a symptom of him being a cis straight dude in his 20s, he hasn't sent me anything too bad and he seems like he'd be receptive if I talked to him about it. And he's just so nice to talk to. Then recently I sent him a picture of my cat and he said "aww so cute" and I said "very cute" and he said "she gets it from her owner" and that kind of recontextualized this conversation we had a while ago, where he asked if I was lgbt and I said "it's complicated, I'm ace but het so I kind of let the truth be in the eye of the beholder unless someone's like, trying to use my experience to exclude other het aces" and he seemed a bit disappointed for a second and said something about "I'm kind of clingy and like to be a certain kind of close in a relationship but if I really liked someone I'd still definitely try and see how it goes" and I mean, I like him too, he's EXACTLY my type, could not possibly be more my type if he tried, but he lives far away and I don't know if I have the time and energy for a relationship and I've never been on the receiving end of a crush before so my brain can't handle it and even if I DID return his feelings I'm afraid to enter into a relationship that might be doomed from the beginning from a fundamental incompatibility and lose out on what I'd be more than happy with as a lifelong friendship. But recently he's said some things that seem... off. He said his brother was listening to heavy metal one day and the neighbors called the cops because they thought the screaming they were hearing was domestic abuse. And I said oh wow I hope someone let them know everything was ok, and he said something like lol who cares my brother thought it was funny. And I get it, acab, I understand not being particularly sympathetic to someone who sent the police over to you, but they were genuinely worried someone was hurt or in danger, it feels wrong to make light of the situation and laugh at it even if no one was actually harmed, right? And then today he sent me a clip of a psa about school shootings from a meme page with a 😭 emoji editied over it. Like jesus christ. Is that supposed to be funny? That's fucking dark. Even if what you're laughing at is the editing or the over-acting or how aggressive the ad is that's still not at all something to joke about. How am I supposed to even respond? I really want to be friends with this guy but what the absolute hell. It feels like it was all too good to be true, I always felt a sense it was too good to be true, I think I've been ignoring it a while. I don't want another thing to go wrong and I really don't want the memory of my first powerwolf concert tainted by this dude turning out to be fucked up. God. Idk what I'm even supposed to do here. I've got too much other shit going on in my life to deal with this right now
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so! sorry i kinda disappeared (my diary)!
i started hrt and then a lot of stuff kinda happened and id been a lil overwhelmed!
so i officially took my first pills on thurs, 26 Jan 2023. and at first i was still worried i was faking it or rushing into this or something. taking the whole e tablet right then either *gave* me a headache or compounded one i had brewing (from stress, no doubt).
i slept after kinda doing nothing after that event and had an interesting night. again, not sure if it was placebo or adrenaline or what, but my dreams felt so long. i felt like i slept for weeks. i didnt recall the dreams but i certainly woke up feeling like id slept a day and a half... but also rested. which was nice.
that day was something. i walked in to work, now equipped with a pre-made official "Evie" name tag and told my boss "hey can u change my info on the work website" which shocked and confused him lol. told both him and the other early morning coworker who was there that that's my preferred name now and i go by she/her without any other explanation or anything. that was my plan from the get-go and i was going to be still me about it all: i do the things i need to without apology so long as they're not going to hurt someone else. and i did.
that day went without incident and the coworker, despite commenting that she "is older and will try to get used to it" didn't slip up whatsoever, and she continued even through saturday to be respectful (and even seemed to make an effort to use my new name more than she called my old name to me before, which was kinda awkward but sweet).
i didnt really have many people call me by either name, since that's not a usual life occurrence at work it seems, so i started by just correcting anyone who did use my old name. i dont really feel like the correct way for me is or just go up and tell everyone, but to accept their ignorance at something they literally could not know, and just politely correct them.
i told my other coworker who i was out to and she was so excited to hear! she and her wife both gave me their verbal support when i originally came out to her and she asked me to continue keeping her updated which was so sweet.
saturday was interesting as well. my other manager learned that day that i go by a new name and pronouns and was supportive, albeit a bit ignorant: i understand that without being told it, to a cis person asking about "the surgery" is just... something, right? you ask about your mom's knee surgery, or your co-worker's mom's knee surgery; you ask about a tonsil removal, etc. he has been friendly and caring about my work life and so i chose not to just chastise him and report him but to educate him: "hey you wouldn't ask (cis woman coworker) or (cis man coworker) about a surgery like that right?"
he agreed instantly and apologized and clarified that he'd only had NB coworkers and didn't really understand what it would entail for me to be trans and his coworker. i told him that obviously that's not polite, and, like with my depression and anxiety and adhd, if something pertaining to my transition will affect my work, id let him know but more than likely he (and the company) won't be affected by it.
he then asked if id like for him, the manager above him, and the rest of the team i work with should have a meeting about like.. moving forward and how not to step on my toes and how to be at least respectful of my new identity and i nearly screamed. like. bro no. please. i get it: you probably just had to swallow your pride, admit a mistake, and realize "oh i fucked up" but me myself am NOT that kinda person lol. so i said if something else happens, ill bring it up and see what could happen with a meeting like that.
and the day continued without issue.
i nearly finish my daily duties and i hear a page that i thought could've been for Evie but there's another name that it could've been and mind my business.
i hear my full name paged by our highest in-store manager and im like... "oh boy"
i put my work up and go to his office.
this awkward, lanky man tries to like... politely talk with me about it and ask me how to be supportive and such and it was so endearing and adorable (and insanely awkward LMAO).
but he tells me that of course i can come and report things that aren't right, etc. that if there's stuff i think they should do now, say so -- i didn't have anything at the moment -- how he hasn't personally had a trans employee before and that he'd learn what he needed to and work to make sure the environment was good and pleasant for and toward me.
aside from it being intense, it was really really caring and sweet and. awkward lol. which was fine because i understand that he was being a bit more honest as a person and not just a manager in that moment and it really made it. A Situation. lol. but i also gave him the benefit that like "yeah there's an adjustment period for everyone. yall just learned but i knew for 8+ years so i kinda get it." he assures me that he'll do what he can for me and that if he ever slips up to just correct him.
it's kinda sad there's not like.. enough information *before* something like this happens (like people don't know how to treat or react to a trans person until they kinda run into one, it seems) and it's a real shame because everyone ive met so far has either been supportive or willing to understand? the ones who didn't get it started to after i explained " hey yeah i was kinda miserable but im feeling better and better day by day, internal warmth about me and being me and the things i think and such and it feels like a cloud of depression, which my normal meds gave me an umbrella for, is finally going away" and after hearing that, the non-understanding people seemed to take a second to really survey their own understanding of how im experiencing things and what it meant *to me* rather than just how it affected them.
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i still feel shitty around my friends. i ranted about this to my best friend earlier but i want to put this here so i'll basically copy paste my feelings.
i'm gonna call my friends P & V bc typing "friend"/"other friend" etc gets confusing after a while.
i was playing huniepop bc it's a fun game when u have nothing to do, but my P saw it in my discord status and immediately dmed the gc "BRO [me] IS PLAYING HUNIEPOP" and we started arguing about it bc she thinks these type of games are weird, idc lol. if u don't like them, don't play them, why get into my business? we have the most opposite opinions on so much shit like why even bother trying to start this
she complained about genshin nsfw popping up on her tl a while ago and told me to stop liking it, no? dont interact, click "not interested", block, even unfollow me idc not like we interact much anyway. gosh
she was so much better to have as a friend before we got close, i started having this feeling recently like once i get to know someone well it becomes weird. like damn, you know my trauma and ik yours? weirdo.. bye-bye! my gf, two best friends + two also pretty close friends are the only exceptions. but that's maybe because i got to know them before i started feeling like this?
tbh with these two it always feels like they've got something against me for no reason, that "no reason" also being im a dude. with all the shit they say n do it's a really toxic women>men type thing LOL and i can never say anything bc they'd team up on me!!
i don't think i'm ever included in those messages but thats bc im trans. if i was a cis dude theyd bully me into the ground, but i dont wanna be treated diff bc im a TRANS guy, im just a guy. the trans doesnt matter. treat me the same youd treat a cis one. and if you cant then we shouldnt be friends!
now this is about V and her boyfriend, theyve got a thing like he unfriends/blocks anyone she doesnt like going on. n one night he wanted her to unf all the dudes shes friends with, including me. personally idgaf but P got really pissed about it.
P said smth like "what did we say about not controlling women in relationships?" and like.. what? V is essentially controlling her boyfriend, so why can't he do the same? P just brushed it off tho bc V is an angel! and she could never do anything bad! her bf don't know that lol?
just like how i'm deffo not a love interest for her, everyone she makes him unfriend probably also isn't! maybe she got bad vibes or whatever that's ok! but god
also P used the r-slur when going off at V's boyfriend and that just rubbed me the wrong way. she's definitely "allowed" to use/reclaim it but it feels like an awful word, AND she was using it to insult someone which makes it even worse.
i feel like i can never disagree with P either bc she'll pull a "shut up ur a man" card. like- she's done that. she's done it as a joke but she'd deffo do it in a serious manner too-
also, i got into a fight- like- not a fight but i genuinely said smth really LOL i feel bad about it but P was shit talking me to xiya and then pulled up in my dms like Hey [me] i care aout you! You fucked up but it's ok u ust have to learn how to communicate
Like what is this? u can't tell me u care about me after spewing this shit into my girlfriends dms.
"i dont go out of my way to hurt people. he needs help lol" like bitch ik i need help. i did say the "joke" with intent to hurt V but it was in the MOMENT. yk how fucking frustrating it is explaining anger issues to someone who doesn't get it whatsofuckingever?
P has a load of her own issues that i dont ge tbut i at least TRY to understand her. also, first screenshot i wanetd to explain myself so V could see where im coming from?? LOL explaining ursef =/= makinf urself the victim.
i always overexplain shit, like my mistakes and why i think i made them. im also bad at explaining so i go on and on to try and make it make sense. i was literally blaming myself for hurting V and syaing sorry over and over again, how the hell was i making myself a victim?
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Stupid rant lol
It sucks how sometimes supposed acts of allyship hurt someone you're trying to be an ally to. These days more and more people are defaulting to they/them when they're unsure of a person's gender. Which, cool yay whatever. But whenever someone calls me they or them no matter the reason it makes me incredibly angry, profoundly sad, bitter, etc just generally not good at all. People often they/them me online especially in "progressive" spaces and it sucks so much. I know I know utilitarianism dictates it and all that but it just really sucks. There's nothing that can be done either unless everyone went back to using he as the default, which I would like but it would suck for a lot of people so I can't in good conscience wish that. My solution is to act in such a way and present myself in such a way that people assume he/him, because it relieves me from having to outright state my pronouns which I hate to do (and it would also make me so suspicious, I don't like people to know or think I'm trans). I've been in a discord server with someone for months, he knows me we interact daily and I thought he correctly assumed he/him for me through my whole online presentation as he'd gendered me correctly before. But today we were in a voice channel with some other people and he started to use he for me, then quickly said "they, I shouldn't assume". Instant horrible feeling. I can only use the nomic channel to communicate back because for obvious reasons I can't speak, I quickly wrote "it's he fyi :/" but I think I made it worse for myself because my directly stating my pronouns I've just made myself suspicious. What cis person says their pronouns like that. It's so upsetting because anything I say about it will just make things worse so I have to man up and not say anything but it's in my nature to keep talking until things seem "fixed" so it's hard to say nothing haha. And later on someone was saying how dumb these new pronouns are, why can't people use they/them and he was a bro said all the right stuff. Sometimes I'm glad I can't speak because otherwise I would've had to publicly agree with the other person in order to preserve my image and help people make the correct assumptions about me. I guess part of why I hate they/them used on me is because it very clearly tells me this person thinks I'm fucking weird. It reminds me of this post I rbed a few days ago about how asking for someone's pronouns in public seems like "allyship" but it just makes the person feel targeted. It's kind of like that. It's not like I'm a new server member that no one really knows well yet, I've been a core member for months. And yet I'm the only one that this person "didn't want to assume gender" for. Like thanks EVER so much. This is such a stupid rant I'm just so tired of it all. I try so incredibly hard to maintain my image so people assume correctly. Someone in that server called me "unmasculine" once so I asked him why and he said it was because I'm too nice so I've been acting meaner and less considerate and it still doesn't work because sometimes I crack and ask people if they're okay or express sympathy or insecurity or show emotions or reveal that I care what people think and it's all for nothing. Yeah I know it's messed up I don't care. I hate that it feels like it's for nothing. People will always see me as feminine no matter how hard I try. Fuck you. And you know what there's this girl in the server and for the longest time very few people believed her because she has this masculine aura I guess so everyone thought she was trolling. And I was the one being like "guys she's a girl lmao" because I could sense she was uncomfortable saying it herself until finally she was able to say it herself and then people used she/her for her. Even the ally guy refused to believe me until she finally said it herself. I'd give so much to be able to swap places with her lmao. Ugh whatever this is stupid. I wish I could stop caring but I've never been able to not care about anything.
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this is a huge diary post that i will put under a read more, part 1 is venting bs i have written a thousand times and part 2 is my ocs talk
i don’t mean to be like this but i hate my ex best friend today. i mean i hate her everyday and like i don’t want anything bad to happen to her but i also hope she never has friends ever again lol. like realistically that’s not possible bc i’m sure she’s manipulating and creating another cheating relationship as we speak lol. i still think of her as slimy, disgusting, and vile. it rly tears me up to think of someone this way but i genuinely don’t think she really deserves any relief happiness or comfort until she actually sees how horrible she is. which will never happen. is it okay to say hope she rots? because i do and i don’t. i think if she left her abusive husband she’d be free but since she’ll just force herself to stay and cheat on him until the end of time like. may they both suffer lol
an irl friend pointed out that she was manipulating me the second time we tried to be friends when she randomly started saying she missed me/missed our connection/basically saying she missed what we had. i opened it, left on read, and didn’t reply for two days to say i don’t feel the same way. and she coped and suddenly said “i was just feeling sad and lonely” 💀 what? then added “i just really missed our connection” omg… bc she saw the real me who was soft forgiving and gentle and she called me dangerous when i started having a backbone. like when i established boundaries and said i wanted to break up she was so mad at me for having boundaries. she wrote me 16 pages in a google doc on how it’s all my fault and literally wrote 16 pages abt how her using me is my fault. lol
she literally said “i used you”. like i’m not over this idc if this was like a year ago jow this is so fucked is extra bc she inserted herself into my father’s funeral and then coped and basically said she still liked me “but just psychologically i’m actually over you” basically LOL… she’s not over me. she inserted me into her marriage. she misses my attention, not me.
when i broke up for the final time i literally said we were never best friends. a best friend doesn’t use you like that. she lost all her friends bc of this but it’s also her fault for not keeping up with everyone and trying to tell her side. what kind of side could she tell? lol? “yeah i used (whatever name i used at the time) because they gave me attention and made me feel special but when (name) didn’t want to be my side piece and started to have boundaries i started to maliciously say cruel things to hurt (name) as well as allowed my husband to make (name) continuously uncomfortable and told (name) it was his problem and that i liked conflict and when (name)‘s father died i inserted myself there because it made ME feel better” like. how would she justify what she did to me. fr.
it’s like i know one day i’ll feel better about it but i’m not even victimizing myself. i know i said a lot of rworded shit and that i was flip flopping with my emotions but she continued to being deliberately cruel and deliberately pushing my boundaries because it wasn’t the same as before and i wasn’t going to be her dog anymore
the next thing on my mind is the dream i had. i have 3 ocs who are young trans boys, for whatever reason, i am always seeing through their eyes and also i get to basically “be them”. last night the boy i got to be was a trans non-binary boy named arthur, i think that name was 100% from my subconscious bc i’m using it lately.
i wanna mention my two other child ocs, artur who is a 14 year old cis french boy who has middle child syndrome and keita, a 15 year old japanese american transboy in foster care. they both came from dreams and both have different stories
so although this oc’s name was arthur in the dream i actually wanted to call him ilya. some of his story was taken from the dream about artur— has the same type number of siblings
in ilya’s family there is mom, step dad, older brother with different father, older sister with another different father, ilya’s father lives somewhere in europe. in dream was france but i think the story may be more interesting to have his father be german. he has two younger siblings from his step father who he calls by first name.
he has a complicated relationship with his family, and he has a complicated identity. every summer since he was born, his parents would trade him off (no matter the difficulty) so he could be with his father. his mother and father had a one night stand 14-17 years ago (not sure of ilya’s age yet) and this coming summer, is the second year in a row his father has had work in belgium during june and july. i think ilya is american but speaks fluent german as well as taught by vatti. he probably just calls him dad lol.
i think ilya by exact definition would be a demiboy. he doesn’t necessarily know all those terms but he is rollin w da lgbt. lol
his family does call him by his name and pronouns. and the reason his father is dodging him is literally because of work. he’s always gotten to have a mostly good relationship with ilya— and he is proud of him for coming out. but, he’s a bit of an absent father, always more concerned with his own life. he was 27 when ilya was born, and has always adored him. due to his own upbringing, he’s never been that expressive. but he’s nothing like his own father, or even his brother (i think the cousins from his father’s brother would be in contact with ilya online and whenever he comes to visit. they love him because ilya naturally has an easy going and artistic nature.)
while keita’s rising sign personality is “cool charmer”, i think artur’s is “funny sweetheart” and ilya’s would be “easy going artsy type”. in the dream ilya was doing the art for some kind of project in school. i remember looking at lockers in a school highway through his eyes
i remember ilya having a cis male best friend, they were touchy and it was normal. but i felt that ilya had a crush on this boy, who was oblivious and also still called ilya as a girl but ilya didn’t mind. i think ilya would say “i don’t care but you have to call me ilya”. and his friend would be like, oh cool okay. his friend is a bit of sunny jock who had a gf. i remember ilya wasn’t rly jealous of the gf though, the feelings for the best friend felt sincere in the way he’d rather his friend be with someone he actually has romantic feelings for. i think there would maybe be some drama where the kids are getting drunk at some stupid high school house party lol and ilya admits it on his friend’s lap. his friend feels shocked and pretty bad :( idk what to name the friend maybe ummm… dylan! that’s good!
okay, i think i’ll stop here for now, i have written a lot and it feels better to write my feelings and oc ideas out
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Ok I want to ask here because I feel like anywhere else I’ll get shouted out lmao but after the post about gd and his gender like I’ve never really gotten it. What is gender? I don’t understand how gender is different from sex? And I’m not trying to be provocative I’m young myself so I hear this language the whole time but it just confuses me. Like how can someone be a man but be a they? I’d love if you could explain lol because if I ask people they get quite tricky or annoyed if you question it, hope you understand
tbh? I'm going to be extremely textbook by this and everyone will be beyond pissed with me for this: gender & sex by science, evolution, medical standards and just from human history is strictly male & female.
Sex
Sex is the trait that determines whether a sexually reproducing animal or plant produces male gametes or female ones.
Gender is more of a social construct these days. If you are at least 25-33+ you arguably know regardless of what social backlash or pressures you would get from people /now/ that let's say from the 40s-2010, there was socially across the globe on a mainstream level no such thing as all of they/them/we/etc. This is all very complex and would take a documentary style deep dive, but all I am going to tell you is it's all right now a new shift and product of this Gen Z and other younger generations (most millennials too) ushering in a new era of the LGBTQ being equals to "cis" people. Cis globally especially in the professional relam was never a thing either, you were either male or female.
You're asking how can a man be a "they" this is all one individual's choosing. Basically they are saying that they are a male biologically and still identify as a male (loosely) but see their masculinity / femininity/ position in society as well as viewing themselves as either gender fluid or not specfically a man. I mean, deep down, I think I was a man in a past life and I could technically go by she / they / them cause of how I look. I easily get mistaken for a man due to my height I'm very tall for a woman and cause I'm tall I can carry more weight than most people combined, I have a wider and broader structure body wise than most women (not brolic or overly masculine) so I used to always get disprescted by pedestrians no matter HOW i presented myself publicly. I could be dressed up in head to toe pink kpop girl style outfits to HIGHLY show I am a female but still have some old ass punk or disrespectful poc passively call me a man just because of my height. So with that being said if I threw in the towel and said fuck it. I'll be both and just do whatever I felt one day i.e being very traditionally masculine one day then very feminine the next? I could pull it off and people would assign me my gender based on how they precieve what a man or woman looks like?
ANYWAYS
honey it's what we as people have defined and made. Not myself, but human kind in the west and some people overseas as well. I can't go any further cause this is very slipper territory. I'm just going to tell you straight up none of this existed about 10-15 years ago and that's a fact at least on the broader level. Nobody was walking down the street in collective pacts saying they were all of those things very openly. they may have defined themselves as that but there was a not a big liberation for that. This is why I used to always bring up age in past kpop talks cause age does have an affect if you can remember how things have evolved since like maybe 2001?
that's all. it's strictly by science male x female unless you are born with a defect that makes you have 2 gentials which you can get surgery to correct. but gender identity is a social construct and nobody implements this onto you but you yourself.
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✞ thanatos/prince/your majesty (im half-joking), 23, he/they. any nicknames/pet names should be masc or gender neutral, never fem. currently single and too insecure to flirt but not against being flirted with.
✞ androgynous(?). genderfluid, usually masc. i plan on getting top surgery but not fully transitioning. i am not on hormones and currently do not plan on it.
✞ prince. absolutely full of myself. worship me or die. im half-joking.
✞ unapologetically chubby, unapologetically body positive. this does not mean my blog is a safe space for ed blogs, weight gain/loss fetish blogs, feederism blogs, or fat fetishist blogs. if you post anything even remotely related to any of this, do not fucking interact with me and do not fucking follow me.
✞ achillean. very much into other trans and nonbinary people but sometimes cis people are cool too. sub with some very rare and very specific switchy fantasies. absolute bottom. couldn’t top to save my life.
✞ this blog is my main blog and my only blog. i mostly post nsfw stuff but will generally post whatever i feel like posting. i have adhd, autism, complex ptsd, depression, anxiety, and osdd, and i am also an abuse + religious trauma survivor, so just a warning ahead of time that i might discuss those things occasionally. there may also be some venting (these posts will always be tagged accordingly)
✞ everything i post is consensual and within the context of an established relationship!
✞ i’ll make a more detailed list later (<- guy who is lying) but most of what you’ll find here:
- royalty kink, as well as being referred to with titles such as your highness and your majesty
- boot worship
- suits
- vampire kink (and certain other monsters)
- bondage
- light-moderate bdsm (choking, manhandling, fear play, maybe a little bit of impact play, and the like). very occasionally i post heavier bdsm.
- maybe some oc posts here and there? i have a lot of ocs that i project my fantasies onto lol. oc posts will have their own tags w their name if i happen to post smthn abt one of them
- muscles and body hair. i am weak
- catholic guilt tm (priests, corruption, etc). i am a religious abuse survivor and this is a coping mechanism.
- calling people daddy/sir as a title only. ageplayers + sexual cgl do not fucking interact.
- for personal reasons i don’t really like the word mommy, but into the idea of calling someone ma’am or miss. again, this is as a title only. ageplayers + sexual cgl do not fucking interact.
- body worship
- worship in general? lol
- authority/power imbalance
- brat/brat tamer
- cnc (all consensual, all within the context of an established relationship)
- somno
- exhibitionism
- free use
- breeding (no pregnancy)
✞ limits (i will not block you just for posting these things, but i do not want any of it directed at me):
- sc4t
- v0mit
- feet
- i hate, hate, absolutely fucking hate being referred to as daddy, sir, or other similar titles. do not refer to me using these titles.
- feminine nicknames/pet names of any kind. i especially hate the word pr!ncess.
- pet play, especially k!tten play. the word k!tten in general.
- spanking
- spitting
- pregnancy
- any situation where i have to top?? in the very rare instances that im a dom i am a dom bottom lol
- intoxication, mind control, hypnosis, and anything in that zone
- gaslighting/manipulation. this is one of my biggest triggers.
✞ lesbians/wlw can follow and interact with my blog, but i would rather they not dm me or send me asks!! i am a dude n it just makes me uncomfortable, sorry!!
✞ i don’t rly post pics of myself here!! i just don’t have the confidence
✞ asks are open. if we are mutuals feel free to send me an ask me any time, although i’m very awkward and may not rly know how to respond. my dms are also open but im even more awkward there lmao. if you wanna talk you gotta message me first lol sorry im a bottom
✞ dnf + dni: m!nors (this means under the age of 18, i don’t care if you’re legal where you’re from, if you’re under 18 do not fucking follow or interact), cishet men (cis bi/pan + cis gay dudes are cool as long as you don’t see me as a girl), cishet women (cis bi/pan women ok, again as long as you don’t see me as a girl), men dni blogs, ageless, blank, misgendering, detrans, truscum/transmed, ddlg/b, ageplayers, feederism, ed blogs, any blogs that have anything to do with weight loss/gain, fat fetishists, chasers, inc3st, pro-cop, terfs, maps + nomaps, pro-shippers, racists, race-play, freaks or bigots of any kind. all of these things will result in an immediate block.
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chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀
lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.
*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?
/rant
It's the delulu hat for me
Lmho.
I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.
This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.
I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.
Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.
When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.
People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.
That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.
We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.
I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.
When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.
Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.
When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭
Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.
Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.
People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.
It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.
A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.
I speak for myself when I say this.
But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.
And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???
It feels like a hijacked movement to me.
THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.
It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.
When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.
But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.
It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.
Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.
Yet how many people will take offense at that?
Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.
It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.
Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀
The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀
Jikook themselves are shippers💀
Smh
GOLDY
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Okay fine we're doing this. I havent read the books and I'm probably not going to I've only seen the movies so I'm sorry if anything I say is contradictory or has already been stated.
So! Descendants 3 was kinda shit and I dont like it but especially because of the ending because everybody was like "oh yeah island is open and we're all happy with no worries or implications about free villains or people being spiteful about being imprisoned for years!" In fact if anything they joked about those things.
The island is basically its own culture, I can't say how long it's been around, long enough for some almost adult kids to be about and to develop a kind of community.
The Isle is a place of poverty, people are dirty and on the street, eveyone steals from each other and most people don't put much effort into appearance upkeep (personal or of the sourounding area) not because of laziness or being "evil" but because they clearly don't have time or luxury to do such things or possibly even the clean water. Does the Isle have clean water?? How to they get electricity??? Someone tell me!
Another thing that I've noticed is easy to see but is not much explicitly said is the unique style of those on the Isle. As previously stated they don't have much but those who have the most "power" and such on the Isle are the best example of this As they have the most colourful outfits. However these outfits are often made out of patches and ripped things put together, even salvaged things like nets and chains as we can see on thing like Uma and Harry's outfits in D3 they make the best of what they've got and they do fantastic because their outfits are intricate and detailed and just tell you everything you need to know about them. Which is why it's a damn s h a m e when the original VK's ajust their style to be more like Auradon's. That's not an improvement! Be proud of where you came from!! It's like they forgot what it was like being on the Isle in D3!
Moving on, here's something that was touched on in D2 but not enough. Equality. On the Isle there is basically equal opportunity as in saying everything is shit and nome cares what gender and presumably what sexuality you are as long as you can work. Sexism is shown to be almost casual in aurodon from the looks of it, Chad makes sexist comments and litterally none else says anything or seems to see anything wrong with it except Jay who caves to pressure from peers and expectations. He does redeem himself because he's from the isle and he knows you shouldn't give a shit about anyone's gender or anything. If they can do something and ask to be included you give them that opportunity. The sexism is also implied in the way that the rule book has men written specifically in the first place and that it has taken until then for anyone but boys to be allowed on any kind of sports team. We never see it! It seems to be the hetronormative veiw where the boys do sport and girls do cheerleeding and other genders? What other genders? Never heard of that? BAD AURADON!! I bet there's so many trans folk on the island just living their lives, thinking Aurodon is the better place and not knowing that it's a cis het filled nightmare.
Okay no I'm headcannoning now, if their are now a bunch of Isle kids at auradon prep they find it fucking aweful the way all these preppy royals are treating them and make the first LGBT club in Auradon. There is lots of pushback and they get bullied a fuck ton for making themselves the most prominent queer folk in the school until a fight breaks out and the club demand that they should be treated better, taking all the evidence to fairy godmother who is very hesitant because COME ON she's never been that great she is biased to Auradon kids and if putting away those in the Isle is brought up she is all on it, she is jelly spined about doing anything against the royal kids. So the kids are like "Fine, if you won't help us we'll take this to the King himself!" Well mainly the queer mom's of the group (you know the ones I'm talking about) who lead the others and protect the anxious queers as they storm to Ben at his fucking locker and demand an audience because they are being harassed and bullied and none is doing anything. Ben had no idea there was even a LGBT club (too busy ig) and is gassed there is one for a moment before he's like "wait people are harassing you?" So Bisexual King Ben gets his lovely Bi wife and they start coming to club meetings and investing in the pins and stuff the club makes. Most club members are pleased but the queer mom's are apprehensive that this will help until some assholes come to the club to do their usual bullying only to find King and Queen Beast themselves siting there with rainbow bracelets and bi pins and all trying to have a nice old time eating their fucking cupcakes what the fuck are yall doing? The bullying dies down quick once they realise it ain't gonna fly, the other OG VK's that hear about this become members and very protective over their queer children. Did I mention Dizzy and Ceila are a part of the club? They're girlfriend's. Celia is one of the queer moms. Harry becomes one of the biggest protectors over the group as the pan dad. He's been going around snogging everyone and anyone wholl snog him everyone already knew he was queer they just didn't have the balls to try and bully him over it as much as they bullied the lil club members. But now Harry can often be seen in jackets and shit with pan and general queer patches and pins and running around with his gay children yelling "MOVE WE'RE GAY!!" He totally calls them his queer crew. Anyway as a result lots of queer royals start coming out of the woodwork, obvs Lonnie is one of them, and the club eventually serves to bring members of Auradon and the Isle close together.
Where was I? Yada yada auradon expects girls to be pretty princesses and boys to be brave knights or dashing princes. It's shit and should stop being portrayed as good. Moving on!
Food! One of the things we'll established in all movies is that the food of the Isle is shit compared to food of Auradon. The Isle has no fresh fruit which likely means its almost impossible for things to grow there which is fair because again there doesn't seem to be much fresh water and there are always clouds overhead so no sun. Maybe there is some people trying really hard to grow stuff but the general attitude of the Isle seems to be "there is no time for that" and fruits are forgotten so much that the VK's litterally don't knownwhat they are when they come across them. That and anything containing sugar. Actually it's mention by Dizzy and Celia that they enjoy the fact that the cake dosent have dirt or flies so basically food there is terrible. We don't see much food on the Isle but what we do see seems to be beans, eggs, chips and shellfish. Basically protine and carbs that can be easily stored and produced. To be fair beans are kidna good for you but they're likely a sign that if they get any imports from the mainland it is canned stuff. Prison food. There's probably some chef villain that is trying their best to make good food out of the shit but honestly the Isle dwellers should be angry that they've been deprived of good food for so long not happy they're finally been given decency.
Moving on, music! Auradon dosent have nearly as many musical numbers it seems, the Isle songs have a distinct style, to them, the villains that basically "founded" the place were masters of the dramatic songs (with backup or solo) so banging music is basically ingrained in the music's culture, even for battle as we see with the fight between Mal and Uma in D3. Meanwhile Auradon seems to have mainly romance and "I want" songs. Even Audrey's villain song is basically an I want song.
Okay let's talk about the Villains. We've established that the VK's are not inherently bad. However not all of them can be totally good and there are legit OG Villains just kinda chillin on the Isle. They've obviously lost quite a bit of their power, motivation and sanity (isolation will do that to ya as they lost everything and the VKs know no different) but deadass? They were bad guys. You can try to rehabilitate them sure but you've basically just let them free roam, they could make a runner and you wouldn't get the chance. They were also shitty patents which is brushed over/joked about in the interaction between Carlos and...man I feel bad I forgot her name deadass their relationship seemed to come out of nowhere in the second film she didn't seem interested in them at all and friendzoned them multiple times I'm pretty sure Disney did that becaue queer kids were relating to Carlos and headcanoning them as queer (which they deffinatly are) but deadass their mom is an attempted animal murderer and has hurt her child as we can see from how they're afraid of her and her rhetoric and yet it's "haha I'm afraid to meet your ma!" "Me too cus im a dog! Lol!" Fuuuuck offfffff
I think I'm running out of thoughts so here's a last one for now; with the magical barrier down a bunch of magical Villains kids should be coming out for the woodwork. We know Mal has magic basically stored in her so it's is possible, she technically doesn't need the spellbook to do magic it is just inherent to her. So with the diverse range of people from the isle there are deffinatly magic folk in there. Actually if we're following Disney movie law I saw something mentioning Jay being half Genie and yeah! He should be half Genie! Jafar got turned into a Genie he's probably only human because of the barrier! Oh also Ben should be able to go beast on command as long as he had a better beast form than he did in the movies. And give him back the beard and fangs like fuck you he looked so much better
Okay I'm done for now
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My take on NCT at Hogwarts
what is it with me and being active on this god forsaken app all of a sudden... anyways, i know that we've thrown jk rowling in the garbage but listen i can't just throw away my whole childhood for one stupid rich white cis woman. also i have no idea what's going on with the neos but when do i ever? alright here we go
taeil: he's giving me frustrated hufflepuff, like he really wished to be in gryffindoor but it didn't work out. think he'd be a halfblood and have a pet toad. likes to visit hagrid for tea sometimes. simps over some bad bitch in slytherin, really thinks she's into him too, everyone tells him she's way out of his league. broke his wand twice already trying to open a can of sardines
taeyong: also strong hufflepuff energy. he's the keeper and captain of their quidditch team and a prefect too, picked purely cause he's good with kids. walks around without his scarf in the cold winter because he wrapped it around ten's neck one morning and nagged on him for not taking care of his health properly, never got the scarf back and doesn't mind. i feel like snape would intimidate the crap out of him, like he would not be able to stay calm during his classes rip. he'd be adored by all the other teachers though, especially flitwick who believes he's really gifted in charms
johnny: a gryffindoor pureblood and keeper and captain of the quidditch team. always the one who tries to talk things out with mcgonnagall when they pull some stupid shit and get caught, never successful. has the marauders map and likes to throw underground raves in hidden rooms and tunnels. buddies with peeves and the house elves. buddies with everyone actually. and regardless of liking him like that or not, every girl in school has fantasized of fucking him in the quidditch locker room showers ooooop-
yuta: omg the heartbreaker of the school. a halfblood slytherin prefect and beater. snape's favourite student, like he gets whatever he wants from that man without trying. everyone is lowkey into him cause of his hot and mysterious vibe and there are so many rumours about his sex life circulating around, but no one actually knows if he's seeing someone. people also speculate he's a metamorphmagus but no lol he just dies his hair a lot. has a pet cat who's mean to everyone except him and mark. likes to explore the forbidden forest cause he's a weirdo
doyoung: a ravenclaw pureblood who hates quidditch, only shows up for taeyong's matches and nags him afterwards if hufflepuff loses. he's the headboy and happily uses his title to threaten haechan. hates divination with a passion and idolizes mcgonnagal, as he should. knows everyone's bussiness in the whole damn castle, never starts drama but almost always ends it. used to tutor some younger students but they quickly realised he's a mini mcgonnagall and zoomed straight outta there. snape lowkey wishes he was in slytherin but don't tell anyone
kun: gryffindoor headboy, probably the calmest person in that entire house and the only one who can kinda control the chaos. if yangyang or hendery annoy him too much he'll give them the wrong password on purpose, mcgonnagal has this unspoken respect for him for that reason. feels really bad for the house elves and wants to help them as much as he can. known as the dad or daddy of gryffindoor, depending on who you ask hehehehe
ten: the artsiest ravenclaw but fucking terrible at riddles, so he's always stuck at the door unless someone let's him inside lmao. is super into divination but purely for the aesthetic. never wears his uniform properly, always wears taeyong's scarf and lots of witchy jewelry. started a dance club in the room of requirement, loves hogwarts halloween with his whole heart. set a classroom on fire once and managed to sneak away undetected. always hooks up with someone at johnny's parties
jaehyun: the fucking fratboy of gryffindoor. he's a halfblood and a chaser on the quidditch team. left so many girls on read oh my god. sneaks alcohol and weed into school, coorganizes parties with johnny, yuta and mark. people think he's this hot bad boy or some shit, lol no bitch he's a dumbass don't waste your energy on a doofus like him, have you heard his laugh he sounds like a 45 year old man. mcgonnagall doesn't trust him at all, always looks at him with shifty eyes. the fat lady flirts with him everytime he approaches the commonroom door
winwin: on the snobby pureblood side of slytherin, like he gives off really judgy vibes. is in ten's dance club, there's a rumor going around that he's an animagus 'cause he moves gracefully like a cat or smth, but he isn't he's just really talented. spends most of his time in the owlery petting birds. the bloody baron freaks him out, most of the ghosts do. tried to be a big brother figure to renjun and chenle but they bullied his ass like crazy so he dropped them like hot potatoes
jungwoo: the most confident gryffindoor y'all. he's a muggleborn and a chaser. has the cutest pet owl, is really into care of magical creatures. snape hates him because he's too "sunny" of a person. wild at parties but looks fine in the morning somehow. the biggest flirt you'll ever meet and has so many bitches wrapped around his little finger lol, there's a rumor going around that he's real beast in bed. awesome at dueling, uses his cute airhead shtick to apsolutely destroy people. can you tell i love his pisces ass?
lucas: a hufflepuff halfblood and beater. wannabe fuckboy but can't because he cares too much lol, those muscles are made of feelings dawg. hits on every girl he sees and is almost always successful 'cause we're weak for cute and sweet himbos. is the biggest show off on the quidditch field and has his own fan club. really into care for magical creatures, like literally wants to befriend every single one of them, hagrid has to pull his ass away from them before he gets hurt rip
mark: a gryffindoor prodigy, a muggleborn and a chaser. the most stressed prefect you've ever seen. mcgonnagall has a soft spot for him and everyone knows it. snape dislikes him but respects him because he's fucking brilliant at potions. a lot of people like him and are into him but he doesn't know how to respond to them lol socially awkward king. plans parties with johnny yuta jaehyun and ten, is always roped into the dreamies schemes against his will. no one can fucking tell if him and haechan are on good terms cause they're at each other's throats all the time, but slobber all over each other like crazy when they get drunk
xiaojun: the most emotional ravenclaw. a halfblood and a prefect. he dated a girl for a long time and she broke his heart, moped about it in the prefect's bathroom for ages. lowkey believes she cheated on him with yuta but isn't sure, is extra weary around him though. says he's done with love but then simps over a new girl every two weeks smh. no one understands how he's such good friends with hendery and yangyang, like the combination of the two of them is a recipe for disaster. whenever they rope him into their bullshit, he always manages to drop their asses in the perfect time and doesn't get caught. many portaits are jealous of him 'cause he has better bone structure then them lol
hendery: the best definition of a gryffindoor. comes from a rich pureblood family, is a beater on the quidditch team. he's the life of the party, man. out of all the students he hates, he is the one snape hates the MOST and he's so proud of that. a really fast runner so he never ends up in detention 'cause it's just too hard to catch him. buddies with the ghosts and hagrid. tries really hard to impress girls, it only works half of the time when he's not being too intense
yangyang: also a gryffindoor pureblood, tried out for the chaser position but didn't make it, is still bitter about it. has a really fucked up owl that always messes up his letters. constantly in detention, like he's cleaned that entire castle by himself 43 times already. also in ten's dance club, also really good at dueling when he actually tries. really into muggle culture, explores it in his free time and shows everyone cool, new music he found all the time. gives kun daily headaches cause he's way too energetic in the morning
shotaro: imma say he's a hufflepuff but don't quote me on that cause i don't know him that well. he seems like he'd have lots of friends though and would be in ten's dance club
sungchan: don't know him well either so i'll just say gryffindoor??
renjun: i'm torn between ravenclaw and slytherin, gonna go with slytherin for him. he's a halfblood and a prefect, also uses his title to threaten haechan. loves defence against the dark arts anď herbology, might become a healer someday. gets tricked by the moving staircases all the fucking time, ends up at madam pomfrey's way more than he likes to admit. likes the slytherin aesthetic but can't stand the evil stereotypes. most people think him and chenle are brothers, wants to strangle chenle when he plays into it. once told the bloody baron to fuck off, no one dares get on his bad side since that day
jeno: pureblood hufflepuff prefect and a chaser. he's the cute, athletic guy everyone has a crush on. is on snape's good side 'cause he likes cleaning up his brewing station after finishing the task the lession is about. is the best flyer in the entire school and has the best chance of getting scouted in the future, everyone knows it but if you mention it to him he blushes like crazy. i feel like he's been in many fwb situations but they all ended well because he's a gentleman
haechan: a slytherin through and through. halfblood and seeker on the quidditch team. thought he was gonna be prefect and was hella pissed he wasn't chosen, i mean hello you're a snake who would want to give a snake authority goddamn it. also always complains during quidditch matches, calls everything a foul just 'cause he wants to win. puts up this persona of the mischevious slytherin boy but it falls flat on it's ass because he's peeves's favourite target
jaemin: a muggleborn hufflepuff, because of that reason he's sworn to himself he'll take care of jisung like a mother. a chaser on the quidditch team. such a sweetheart my gosh, like that dude is always so happy, unless he hasn't drunk his 6 cups of coffee. speaking of, mcgonnagall and pomfrey worry for his health like crazy but won't admit it. excells at care for magical creatures and charms, horrible at ancient runes like he didn't think there'd be so much math involved. girls are also crazy into him but he's such an introvert, the thought of someone wanting to be around him so much scares him. still flirts with everything that breathes lol
chenle: a slytherin and a pureblood, from one of those rich old families. because of that people expect him to be a lil brat, turns out to be the coolest guy you'll ever meet. he's friends with everyone regardless of house, a chaser on the quidditch team, known as the one who scores the most points in a game. he's great at defence against the dark arts and transfiguration, is thinking about becoming an auror 'cause that dude fears nothing i'm telling you. was made a prefect instead of haechan, rubs it in his face like crazy, but ultimately just let's people get away with stupid shit like "haha nice one, respect". memorized all the secret passageways of the castle in his head, helps johnny, mark, ten and jaehyun with their parties. pisses off filch like no other, was in detention all the time with yangyang until they realised how terrible it is when the two of them are in close contact lol so he gets let off the hook all the time. also fucking flirts with everything that breathes, the biggest fucking tease like you never know what he means smh
jisung: jaemin's muggleborn hufflepuff son, though most people are surprised he isn't in gryffindoor 'cause god the reckless shit that boy pulls... always late to breakfast with his uniforn all messy. people think he's very innocent but like his bestfriend is chenle, so how pure could he be. he's a seeker on the quidditch team, goes extra hard during hufflepuff-slytherin matches 'cause he wants to knock haechan off his high horse. blushes like crazy whenever he sees a cute girl which only gives chenle more reason to tease him 'cause he's a lil bitch like that. is the star of ten's dance club but has tripped and fallen down multiple flights of stairs, this kid's a walking paradox
to conclude:
gryffindoor: johnny, kun, jaehyun, jungwoo, mark, hendery, yangyang, sungchan
hufflepuff: taeil, taeyong, lucas, jeno, jaemin, shotaro, jisung
ravenclaw: doyoung, ten, xiaojun
slytherin: yuta, winwin, renjun, haechan, chenle
#nct#nct 127#nct dream#hogwarts#nct imagines#nct scenarios#taeil#taeyong#johnny#yuta#doyoung#kun#nct ten#jaehyun#winwin#jungwoo#lucas#yukhei#mark lee#hendery#xiaojun#yangyang#shotaro#sungchan#renjun#jeno#jaemin#haechan#chenle#jisung
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Idk if I'll ever draw the Gueira and Meis prequel story comic I have in my head but here have snippets I wrote of it and tell me if it's any good lol
uh warning its kinda long, three separate moments and not written like a book as I am more so plotting out how I’d draw it or envision things. Also has a lot of Gueira crying. Like he’s always crying. I’m sorry Gueira.
Meis grumbles and ups the volume on their music. Staring into their mirror, make up dark and black and bad. Angry singing along with a brush comb and then using the same comb to tease at their hair violently. Hair visibly comes out. Their bedroom window bursts open due to the wind. Meis jumps, startled.
The dust storm is rolling by hard and Meis notices the stable door open in the backyard. Their eyes go wide and quickly climb out their bedroom window running towards it.
(Continue in color)
Meis runs inside the stable closing the doors behind them and the storm gets worse. They glance around and count three horses, Ophelia is outside of her stall yet everything else seems fine. They sigh with relief. Meis walk over to Ophelia. "Did you open the doors again cause you were nervous?" Meis pats the horse's nose. Their hand leaves a dust print on the horse. Meis crouches down to look at themselves in a mirror nearby thats leaning on the floor.
Meis is covered in dust and their hair and make up all messed up. They grumble a bit and smudge their eyeliner down their cheek.
Through the mirror Meis sees a foot from behind them poking out of a hay stack.
Meis bolts up. Their first instinct is to kick the hay, hard.
Gueira screams. Followed by Meis screaming. Every single horse starts acting up.
They both are screaming at eachother at the same time.
Meis, "Who are you?! How'd you get here? Get ya fuck out of here!!"
Gueira, "Wait! Wait! Please don't kill me! I can't stand up! They kidnapped me! I had no where to go!"
Ophelia is pushing herself to get in front of Meis. Meis steps aside and the horse goes right for Gueira. Gueira lights his hands on fire and reaches out, "Please no!" Ophelia panics backwards. Meis gets in front of her this time. Gueira's still lying on the floor with his hands aflame, he doesn't attack.
"You’re fuckin’ Burnish! You stupid Burnish! Everything here is flammable don't even fuckin’ dare!" Meis screams and suddenly Gueira has a bucket of liquid tossed on him. His flames don't go out but are duller. He hugs his legs to himself and the light glow of flames surround his body. "I'm.. I'm not in control of this. But I.. won't.. I won't burn the place down.." he stumbles over his words as his body shakes.
Meis stops and takes a better look at Gueira and sees how distressed he is. They calm down Ophelia then look back towards Gueira.
"You're just a kid."
Gueira sniffles, “I’m not a kid!” The flames brighten.
“How old are you?”
“Just turned 16.″
“Thats a toddler. How’d a toddler get into my backyard?”
“I don’t need this from someone looking like that!” Gueira motions to Meis, still covered in dust, half teased hair, shirt torn and barely on and smeared make up. “How old are you?!”
“Gonna be 17 in two weeks.”
“Also toddler!” Gueira points and grins at Meis, his flames disappear for a moment.
“I’m pretty much an adult!” Meis waves their hands in the air. Then stomps a foot towards Gueira. “And you still haven’t answered me!” Ophelia acts up again as Meis is yelling again. Gueira recedes back, nervous.
“Please don’t call Freeze Force on me..” Gueira hugs his legs and hides his face.
“You’re in the wrong place then kid. My pa is training in Freeze Force.”
Gueira’s head shoots up, eyes wide.
Meis plops a seat down next to him. “I’ll hide you for the night though.” Meis leans their arm on their knee and rests their head on their arm. Eyeing Gueira carefully.
Gueira stares at Meis, tears forming but trying not to cry again. “Seriously?”
“I’m not gonna call the feds on a kid.” Meis pulls the nearby mirror close and starts fixing themselves up. “You're lucky my pa didn't catch ya, you'dve been swiss cheese.”
Gueira hides his face into his legs and arms again. “Can you just help me get home.. I don’t recognize any of this place.”
“Sure. Probably for the best you head out after the storm. It gets extra hot after a sandstorm passes ‘round here, even at night. Where you live?”
“Uh, near the Liberty apartments.. maybe you could just point me to a bus or I could hitch hike.. somehow.” Gueira is talking into his arms.
“...I don’t know of that apartment building. Most places near here are just horse people’s homes.”
“...horses?” Gueira’s head peeks out.
Meis points at Ophelia. “That?”
“I know what a horse is!” He glares at Meis. His expression softens as he looks down towards the foor. “Am I not in Miami?”
“Miami?” Meis stops what theyre doing and whip their head towards Gueira.
“Yeah!” Gueira looks happy.
“You mean like Florida?” Meis’ expression is really confused.
“Yeah?” Gueira looks concerned.
“You’re in Texas, kid.” Meis finishes fixes themselves up and pushed the mirror away. Gueira is silent for a moment.
“...how?” Gueira looks back at the ground again.
“I should be asking you that.” Meis pulls out a cigarette and lights it. “You ran from the Foundation real far you got lost, huh?” Meis takes a drag and doesn’t look too concerned till suddenly Gueira’s shaking again. Meis lowers his cigarette. “What.. happened to you, kid?”
Gueira squeezes hard on his own legs. “They...they just bagged my head and threw me in a van. I didn’t know where they were taking me. They talked about the other city states but.. but how'd I get into the middle of the Burnish desert lands..”
Meis frowns. “We’re not in the middle of the Burnish desert lands. we’re in human civilization.”
Gueira starts crying again and leans back towards the hay. His flames grow. Meis panics and grabs Gueira away from the haystack.
“Can you stop that!” Meis grips onto Gueira’s shoulders. “You are surrounded by tinder!”
“I won’t burn things! I swear!” Gueira yells back at Meis through his tears.
“You’re currently on fire!”
“And you’re not burnt are you!?” Gueira screams it this time. Flames spark off him. Yet Meis is still unharmed. Meis finally notices how they’re grabbing Gueira and the flames are on their arms as well.
“See!” Gueira grabs Meis’ hands. “I’m not some monster, please. I’m just... just a kid.. like you said.” Gueira stutters through tears more. Lets go of Meis’ hand and falls backwards into the hay. The hay is unaffected as the flames around Gueira’s body persist. Gueira goes back to hugging his knees and crying. “Please don’t turn me in.. I just.. I didn’t want this.. I..”
“Okay, Okay hey!”, Meis moves towards Gueira. They hesitate reaching out towards him. Then Meis touches Gueira’s shoulder again. They take a moment to register how the flames aren’t hurting. Gueira’s still crying and hiding his face. Meis then grabs Gueira’s other shoulder and pulls him into a hug. Gueira’s surprised.
“I’m not turning you in. I promise, okay. You can stay here as long as you need.” the focus is on Gueira’s face as his scared eyes soften and he hugs Meis back, tightening his grip and starts sobbing into Meis’ arms.
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Both of them are laying on the stable floor, smoking lazily. Meis is letting Ophelia nibble at their hair.
Gueira takes a drag on his cigarette and coughs it up violently. Meis laughs a little. Gueira huffs, "You know,” cough “I always thought it funny how my parents can.." .....he sighs.... "..could look at me and not see I'm gay."
Meis ignores the hidden implications in Gueira's words. "Heh. My family sees me all the time looking like this and still thinks I'm a cis male."
Gueira shifts to face Meis and takes another drag of his cigarette, blows out smoke properly. Meis looks a little proud. "Yeah but you don't know what you are anyway." Gueira picks Meis' hair out of Ophelia's mouth.
Meis ponders a moment.
"I'm.. I'm an unlit match in a haystack. Full of potential to destroy it all but stifled and buried alive."
Gueira raises an eyebrow "Poetic. Is that a song lyrics of yours?"
Meis laughs, "Hoho-noooo. You think I'm that kind of song writer?"
"It's just... if you keep talking like that you'll catch the Burnish from me." Gueira snickers and puts out his cigarette on the barn floor.
Meis smiles falters, "I always thought those things weren't human. I mean.. not that you're a thing. Or not human.." Meis turns to Gueira now. "You can't catch the Burnish.. right??"
Gueira smirks "Come closer and find out for yourself."
Meis flicks Gueira's nose.
"Oooowwwwwwyyeeeee"
Meis puts out their cigarette and stands up, dusting off themselves. "I better get back before Pa comes pounding on the barn door looking for me." Meis kisses Ophelia on the nose and pats Guiera's head, ruffling his hair. Gueira doesn't bother to fix his hair and mutters under his breathe "fuck that guy"
Meis pulls a match out of their pocket and flicks it into a nearby haystack. Gueira rolls his eyes at the gesture, unamused.
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Gueira's talking fast and stifling sobs. "It's so lonely and so crowded. It's feels like my head is inside a fire. Numbing and loud. These voices just talk constantly, scream at me to burn. Burn. Burn. Burn. They’re real. They’re my thoughts. But I don’t like them. And I don’t want them to be real.. I.. I understand why the Foundation wants me. But what do they want with me.. why did they choose me. They make me want to burn you alive, Meis." He sniffs and Meis seems unfazed at the concept.
" ..just consume you.. in all of this fire.. all the flames in me."
Meis reaches out to grab Gueira's hand. They're both still not looking at each other. Just staring at the barn on the floor.
"I'm an unlit match in a haystack, Guiera. Maybe I just need to be set aflame."
Gueira starts crying harder. "You don't want this.. you really fucking don't."
Meis drops Gueira's hand and grabs his face to look at him sternly. They’re both facing each other now. "You don't speak for me. I could be a Burnish!"
Between sobs "You don't need this."
"Burn."
"Stop it"
"Burn for me Guiera."
"Shut up"
"Burn me alive"
Gueira pushes away and stands up. "Stop it! Stop it! You don't want this! You don't need this burden! It's useless! It's just trouble! It's just crying and running away and ..and.. I could get you snatched up and killed! Why do you even care about me!!"
Meis slowly stands up. "So we're not talking about the fire anymore, huh?"
Gueira's tears are little fires. He's shaking and trying to hold himself by wrapping his arms around his body in a grip. Legs wobbly and feet shifting to try and stay standing up. Meis doesn't approach him. A gentle smile appears on their face and they reach out a hand.
"Burn."
Gueira closes his eyes tight and suddenly bursts into flames. The flames stay around Gueira’s body and don’t spread.
“Breathe in the fire for me, Gueira!” Meis holds out their arms. “Burn properly!”
“It burns my throat!”
“Scream!”
“I can’t! I’ll really explode!” Gueira opens his eyes to look at Meis. Meis looks excited.
"Burn this whole barn down!" Meis’ eyes are wide and is grinning big.
"You're losing it too now. You're not even Burnish and you're a pyromaniac." Gueira looks concerned for Meis.
"You think I care about this place?" Meis’ laugh is almost evil.
"You care about Ophelia! I'm not gonna burn her house down just cause I'm being whiney and having a break down! You sound like them. Don’t make the voices in my head external! You shouldn’t encourage this!” Gueira’s yelling and the flames aren’t stopping. His hands are in fists and close to his chest, holding back.
Meis walks up to Gueira and puts a hand on his cheek. Their voice is calmer now. “You need to actually let it all out. You need to burn or it’s all going to eat you up inside. Just scream and burn all your fears away.”
Gueira’s eyes shut tight. His hands open up and to his sides as flames burst around him. Two flame like horns are above his head. He screams. His eyes are enflamed and he glares at Meis, smacking Meis’ hand off his face.
“You want fire?!” Gueira practically growls and smoke comes out his mouth. Meis is smiling big. “I hate you Meis. I can’t stand this fucking barn. I smell of horse shit.” He’s throwing flames with every sentence. Meis doesn’t move away still. Gueira’s anger starts leaning into his sadness. “I can't just be lazy around here forever on you. Just because I'm scared. Just because I’m so fucking scared!” Gueira roars flames. “I always felt so fucking useless and lazy. I was always a burden on somebody. And I ruined everything for my family, their hopes, their dreams, all their money went to their goddamn useless hospital child. I ruined everything for them! I ruined my own dreams! I can’t even kick a fucking football!” Gueira’s sobbing. “I already lost everything. I can't.. I can't even have you, Meis. When I know this will all be lost too."
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ono/
#boop merps#uh uh do i put in the tags#im gonna#promare#guiemei#guiemeis#idk ship names bro im tired and hungry#my ideas are too big for my hands and full time job so if anything#you got this at least#even if i dont make comic#or whatever it is i end up making
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asks you can smell the privilege and internalized ableism radiate from
(tw for ableism and other bigoted implications)
i’m bad at reading tone but even i understand that this is 100% you being condescending and trying to cover it up with smiley faces and false sincerity. and i don’t appreciate that.
before i get into deconstructing your shitty ableist argument, i want to explain the reasons i believe in self diagnosis (self-dx):
even professional diagnosis doesn’t start with a doctor diagnosing you. there has to be a reason for seeing the doctor. some people see a doctor in their adult life because they’re struggling, some people are taken by their parents, some people are referred or suggested that they see a specialist. whatever it is, you don’t just see a doctor and they magically give you a neurodivergency. people have neurodivergencies before they see doctors and even if they NEVER see a doctor.
the psychiatry system is flawed in MANY ways and to say that it isn’t means you’re denying the experiences of people with less privledge than yourself. also like psychiatry isn’t gonna suck your dick. you don’t have to be a bootlicker lol
in many places (hi hello i’m from america where our government tries to indirectly kill us by not providing us with adequate healthcare! i and many other people have many issues we can’t get fixed because simply our government cares more about the economy than us), seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist or going to a mental hospital or WHATEVER is INCREDIBLY expensive. and to assume that everyone has access and enough time/money/energy/transportation/whatever to do all of that is classist and elitist.
ANYTHING medical (including mental health) is biased towards white cis men. most studies are done on white cis men/boys. because of this, people who aren’t white cis men (or people who aren’t perceived as white cis men) are often not diagnosed. the system is racist. the system is sexist. the system is transphobic. people don’t know how to diagnose autism or adhd or personality disorders or other neurodivergencies or even mental illnesses in black people and other people of color, in women, in trans people, etc. and GOD FORBID someone be in multiple (or all) of those categories. saying “just go get diagnosed :)” is a privileged statement to make.
shocker! the psychiatry system is also ableist. if you’re already diasabled (whether it be mental or physical) and you see a doctor about ANOTHER disability? the doctor is most likely going to shoot you down. or at least be weary about someone having mutliple disabilities.
also most people who diagnose are neurotypical. they have never and will probably never experience neurodivergency so they can never fully understand it. they operate off of stereotypes of neurodivergent people and usually only stereotypical behavior of neurodivergent white cis men (which, as i mentioned before, is problematic for anyone who isn’t a white cis man). neurotypical diagnosers don’t know the neurodivergent culture and aren’t trained to recognize very common things (like masking for example).
a professional diagnosis can also be weaponized. not everyone can get a professional diagnosis because there are some neurodivergencies (such as autism and personality disorders) and mental illnesses (like depression) that can have legal and medical respercussions to have in your record. trans people can be denied medical and legal transition for being professionally diagnosed. people can lose custody battles for being professionally diagnosed. a professional diagnosis can be used as justification for taking away someone’s body autonomy (especially if that person is also physically disabled).
a LOT of neurodivergencies also have some type of symptom (or symptoms) that make it difficult to interact with people. troubles recognizing facial expressions, troubles understanding certain phrases and types of speech, paranoid about people, audio processing issues, being nonverbal in an environment that doesn’t accommodate for it, overstimulation, extreme social anxiety, discomfort in new situations, problems with eye contact, and a lot more. because like. for many nd people, interacting with people is very difficult and stressful. and hey. if you want to get a professional diagnosis? take a WILD guess what you have to do? FUCKING INTERACT with people! LIKE?? JEHDJJDKEKKDKDKDS. do you know how many professionally diagnosed nd people i know who made their appointment COMPLETELY on their own without help from a parent or family member or friend? LITERALLY ZERO! and i know A FEW nd people who have professional diagnoses! so if someone has social issues that prevent them from doing tasks like calling and making an appointment, showing up for an appointment, talking during the appointment, etc and ALSO doesn’t have familial or friend support (because newsflash! people who are friends/family of disabled people can still be ableist)? almost impossible to get a diagnosis! plus, the diagnosis process is TIME CONSUMING. not everyone can focus on a task for that long and not everyone can miss work/school for that long.
so those are the reasons i support self-dx. (although there’s probably more that i’m forgetting but i have adhd and it’s hard for me to remember things!)
so hopefully you now understand my reasons for believing in self-dx, and perhaps even you’re pro-self-dx now because before you were just uneducated on these issues and how they impact people who aren’t you.
but in case you’re still anti-self-dx and probably hate already-marginalized neurodivergent people, let’s talk about this horrendous ask (series of asks, actually) that i got sent. i feel like i can feel the self hatred and internalized ableism OOZING from this ask and into my inbox, so thanks for that i guess /s
“Sometimes people who self diagnose can take away from those who are actually nd, even sometimes from themselves.”
starting out strong with the ableism on this one by separating people into “self diagnosed” and “actually nd” people. self diagnosed people ARE actually nd
there’s not a limited number of nd resources. this isn’t a math equation of only x amount of people can be nd because there’s only y amount of resources. more people realizing they’re nd will actually MAKE more resources for nd people and will bring more awareness to being nd
even IF someone self diagnosed, and they go back on it later, what harm was done? they learned some coping mechanisms? they made some nd friends? neither of those are problematic and i think they’re both actually very helpful. i think nt people SHOULD learn more about nd people and stuff because i think that will lead to WAYYY less misunderstandings and WAYYYY less ableism
“There are many people who fake nds for attention,”
hey anon, what fucking world do you live in that nd’s are cool enough to fake having? because i would LOVE to live there. like, i literally had a post about my personality disorder (which i will not be specifying) i had to delete because people were sending my anons about how i was “scary” and “threatening” now that they knew i had the personality disorder i have. last year i left a discord server because the ableism i was recieving from not only the members of the server, but the mods as well. there are very few people i know irl who i tell about my personality disorder, but when i tell people about my adhd, they start treating me different. they infantalize me and make fun of me and use “jokes” about stereotypical adhd behaviors to alienate me and they even TELL OTHER PEOPLE without my permission. i was SEVERELY bullied throughout elementary and middle school for being nd. i have been refused job and educational opportunities as well as literal medical attention for being nd. people aren’t “faking” being nd, and if they were they probably wouldn’t be doing it for long because it’s not something that’s EASY to deal with.
kinda ironic that you’re saying people can’t diagnose themselves but that YOU can tell when someone is faking their diagnosis. that’s both hypocritical and a double standard.
masking exists. if you think someone isn’t “acting nd enough” they’re probably masking because they’ve been fucking bullied and harrassed. also you’re probably basing whatever you think nd is on stereotypes. not every nd person is sheldon cooper lol.
this is a side note but can we talk about how you’re literally just taking transmed rhetoric and molding it to fit nd people? like. you really come onto MY NONBINARY NEURODIVERGENT blog and expect me to validate your recycled “but what about the REAL [insert group] people?” ??? like grow up, elitist. you’re not better than anyone else just because you lick some boots 🥾 👅
“and claiming that self diagnosis (and this is just what I interpreted) is just as valid as professional diagnosis”
it is 😌
the only difference between self diagnosis and professional diagnosis is that a professional diagnosis can also get you medicine. not every neurodivergency needs meds and not every neurodivergency can be treated (at this time or even ever). for example, my pd (self diagnosed) doesn’t have a specific treatment but multiple symptoms of the pd (all professionally diagnosed) have specific treatments and medicines that work, so patients are given/diagnosed with/prescribed those instead. also, medicine doesn’t work for everyone! and sometimes people are allergic to or take medicines that will conflict with any new medicine.
“can really devalue the account of someone who actually has a disorder”
here we go again with that “self diagnosed” vs “actually nd” bullshit. literally just say you hate poor people n minorities and leave lol
someone having a different experience than you isn’t devaluing you, but if you’re the one who always has the spotlight maybe you should use your privledge uplift other marginalized people instead of feeling angry when everything isn’t all about you 100% of the time
“I have a second ask”
i don’t want it
“Plus it can be damaging for a person if they self diagnose wrong.”
how? what if they learn information that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise known like coping mechanisms that help them with their own neurodivergencies? that’s definitely not a bad thing
i think it’s funny that you bring up that people can self diagnose wrong and don’t even MENTION that doctors can diagnose wrong. like. you know. the people who GIVE OUT MEDICINE to people. i think it’s MUCH more dangerous when a PROFESSIONAL diagnosis is wrong. what are self-dx people with wrong diagnoses gonna do? read up on nd tips? maybe smoke some weed? drink some coffee? that’s about all they can do with a self-dx. but if a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL gives you an INCORRECT diagnosis, they can ACTUALLY fuck you up.
“I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, a disorder which I would have never considered I’d have.”
that’s great about your professional diagnosis! i don’t know you but i’m glad you’re finding out about yourself and getting the help you want and/or need /srs
sorry if this sounds blunt, but honestly i’m not surprised you never considered you could have PTSD. based on your asks, you sound like you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to work through and a lot more research about neurodiversity you need to do. being anti-self diagnosis is a common belief among a lot of people with internalized ableism and a lot of these same people are the ones who have no issue with and even SUPPORT auti$m $peaks. many nd organizations that are run BY nd people (like asan) actually support self-dx.
“If I had of diagnosed my own symptoms and then started treating myself or taking precautions based on my self diagnosed "condition", it could of really hurt me.”
how? taking precautions to preserve your mental health is NEVER a bad idea. i’m not ptsd, but someone i care deeply about DOES have ptsd and has shared a lot of the precautions and coping mechanisms for ptsd with me and honestly they’ve been incredibly helpful. it’s almost as if different neurodivergencies and/or mental illnesses have overlap and that’s why there’s a whole community for us to be able to share these resources and information with each other!
the same person was rejected a formal autism diagnosis because of their ptsd, plus the fact that they’re transgender and the fact they have symptoms of adhd. it’s not really my place to talk about their experience with professional diagnosis, but i’ll send this post to them and allow them to add on their experience in a rb if they’re comfortable with that. but it’s almost as if their experience with the professional diagnosis process was unhelpful, harmful, ableist, and transphobic 🧐 and unfortunately this is a pretty common experience
“Also, by self diagnosing, I devalue the account of a person with the disorder l assumed I had.”
how? if someone thinks they’re nd, they have a legitimate reason for thinking so. either they have another neurodivergency than the one they thought they had, or they’re neurotypical and need to figure themself out and have a need for support. either way, they learned more about the specific neurodivergency, more about the nd community, and more about themself. i don’t see how that’s a bad thing.
if you think self-diagnosed people’s experiences inherently have less value, that is straight up ableism. especially considering that other marginalized identities and minorities have trouble getting professional diagnoses, you might also be bigoted in some other way. or at the very least, refusing to acknowledge your privilege.
“only one more I promise”
i don’t want it
“I understand that doctors are expensive and professionals can get it wrong,”
okay. if you understand this, then dm me your information so i can bill you for the cost of my professional diagnoses, the cost for my therapy sessions, the cost for my medicine, and the cost for transportation to and from all these places. PLUS the cost of the work and school i’ll be missing for these sessions. 🤲
“but self diagnosis can be really harmful to yourself or others.”
nah, you’re just ableist and a gatekeeper lol
“If you feel like you have a disorder, go see a psychiatrist, you may have it.”
[remembers when i went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with two major symptoms of a personality disorder and said i had other symptoms of the pd as well but refused to diagnose me with the actual personality disorder because i was a minor at the time and he told me “kids don’t have personalities so they can’t have personality disorders”. i understand being weary about diagnosing children with personality disorders because they aren’t fully developed but this dude straight up told me that i didn’t have a personality. this man literally only worked with children so that means he literally never diagnosed personality disorders. this man was literally just lazy and didn’t care about his patients. this man also refused to believe me when i told him the medicine he prescribed me made my symptoms worse and even made me hallucinate. he ignored me and refused to change my medicine so eventually i just changed psychiatrists and they put me on a new medicine that DIDNT make my symptoms worse and DIDNT make me hallucinate. also i looked it up after our session and apparently ONLY people with my pd and related ones experience hallucinations on that certain medication. it’s almost like his refusal to diagnose me and ignoring my symptoms/concerns harmed me. this man also constantly misgendered me and told me that homosexuality and transgenderism should’ve still been in the dsm. like golly, it’s almost as if being queer and neurodivergent in an extremely conservative state is harmful and dangerous. and that psychiatrists aren’t immune from being homophobic and transphobic and ableist.] but yes :) perhaps i should see another psychiatrist in this conservative state :)
“I don't want to undermine anyone's actual experiences, but it can be dangerous.”
then stop undermining people’s actual experiences :)
no ❤️
“If you feel like something's wrong, go see a professional.”
the whole point of the neurodiversity movement is that there IS no such thing as a “normal” brain, so saying that neurodivergent people have something “wrong” with them is ableist.
💰 🤲 hand it over
“I don't want to offend, I just don't want anyone to get mislead or hurt. :)”
you absolutely meant to offend. you literally said that self-diagnosed people’s experiences aren’t valid and have less value than people who have professional diagnoses
i know more people who have been (and personally have been) mislead and hurt by professionals than by simply existing as a self-diagnosed person
also i want to say that being pro-self dx is NOT being anti-professional/formal diagnosis. i think that people should absolutely get a professional diagnosis (if they are able to without negative repercussions)! being pro-self dx is more inclusive of marginalized people (like people of color, women, lgbtq+ people, people with multiple disabilities, etc). pro-self dx is simply just saying that professional diagnosis isn’t the only option
(neurotypical people and anti-self dx people don’t add anything; pro-self dx neurodivergent people are allowed to add with their experiences if they want)
#asks#long post#nd adventures#ableism tw#sexism tw#racism tw#transphobia tw#misgendering mention#medical abuse mention#not star trek#homophobia tw
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