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snake-rot · 3 years

Note

(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

IS THIS THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCRIPT?

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rachelbethhines · 3 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - Day of the Animals

While perhaps not my favorite episode this season, Day of the Animals is easily the best written story of season three. Even so, it still has problems due to the third season’s poor approach to characterization.

Summary: Rapunzel, Varian, Angry and Red are returning stolen loot that the two girls had stolen years ago. They are accompanied by Max, Pascal, Ruddiger and Hamuel who all cannot stop quarreling with each other (or in Hamuel's case, just being useless). While messing with a sea shell pendant, it magically transports the humans into it, leaving the animals to fight over it. A minor thug named Dwayne, steals the pendant forcing the animals to work together to retrieve it.

So Why is a Polynesian Inspired Kingdom Within Riding Distance of a Northern European Country?

If you’ll remember my review of Beginnings, Neserdina’s princesses were wearing Polynesian garb and dancing the Hula when prepping for the competition. Now I’ve already went into length as to why that’s not good representation, but in addition to that it’s also just plain dumb. You can’t just transport one ethic group and dump them into another part of the world because it’s convenient for you. You don’t earn any brownie points for doing that. Especially when your fantasy world is still based off of our own historical earth.

To make things even more confusing, we actually saw Neserdina way back in season one in Way of the Willow. It’s where Willow bought the gremlin knock-off.

That is an island. How the heck do you get to a volcanic island riding in a horse and cart? And don't tell me they’re riding to a port, because Corona is a port city already. They could have gotten there by boat. It’s also can’t be too far away from Corona’s borders if Angry and Red were able to get there on foot during their year long travels.

The only explanation is that the entirety of the Tangled crew doesn’t understand geography, and this won’t be the last example in the show to back up that statement.

So Why Is Rapunzel Here?

We get explanations for why everyone is on this road trip, except for the main character herself. Red and Angry are trying to return some stolen loot. Varian is wanting to pick up rare alchemy supplies at the market and was invited along because Raps hopes it’ll be a chance for Ruddiger and Max to get know one another better.

But why on earth does Rapunzel feel the need to come on this trip herself? Doesn’t she have a kingdom to run? While I’m sure Eugene is more than capable of handling things, this doesn’t reflect well upon the writers supposed plan of making Rapunzel appear more responsible.

Literally any other adult could have come along on this trip. This wasn’t something Rapunzel needed to waste time on. Lance especially would have been more appropriate here as he’s the one who’s suppose to eventually adopt Angry and Red. And the sad thing is, all they had to do was give Rapunzel a line about needing to attend some sort of diplomatic business in Neserdina. That’s it.

In a show that’s supposed to be all about Rapunzel; Rapunzel sure doesn’t have a whole lot of reasons to exist in the majority of the episodes.

Lack of Worldbuilding Strikes Again

At this point I’m kind of numb to the whole “magical thing just exists for no adequately explained reason” and so I’m not as upset as some people are about the shell necklace. But it’s still not good writing.

Why does this thing exist? How did come to be cursed? How did it get mixed in with their stuff? What activated the magic and why did it only effect the human’s even though the animals were closer to it?

Just something show. Anything. You bothered to give use rules for how this thing works and even stuck to them this time, but you can’t just make the last leg of the trip and give us some exposition?

Yeah, okay.

So Where Exactly Are We in Relation to Corona?

We can see Pittsford and Ivangarr on the road sign and we have to be in riding distance to Neserdina from Corona, but like are we in Corona still? Are we in Koto, which is Corona’s nearest neighbor to the east according to season three. Are we in some no-man’s-land where none of the kingdoms have control, or are we already in Neserdina itself?

The series gives us no sense of direction nor any firm placement for Corona within it’s world. I only know it is a Northern European country because Corona itself is a peninsula with a north sea, uses French, English, and German fashion/customs, and Rapunzel is a Germanic fairy tale. But like those clues are thrown into a blender and contradicted several times over, on top of never being told where it’s closest kingdoms actually lie.

All of this matters when traveling and exploring the wider world are big themes of your show. You need more solid and consistent world building than this. It also impacts how much authority and control your main character has within the episode itself if she range of political power is limited to one area. So like we need to know where the heroes stand here.

(FYI I personally headcannon Corona as former Prussia which was once part of Germany and it’s alliance of smaller kingdoms. It’s also a peninsula next to the Curonian Spit)

This Is Not Progress

Okay so the idea here, is that the show is implying that Rapunzel is trying to improve Corona’s justice system over Frederic’s previously inhumane crack down on crime. However, this is terribly executed.

For starters the show has never called Frederic nor Rapunzel out for their previous misbehavior. You can not change any system for the better without acknowledging the flaws within said system first. Therefore this comes right out of nowhere and doesn’t stick around long enough to stay within the viewers minds for later.

Secondly, Rapunzel is incredibly fickle about who she does and doesn’t set free. The Saporians were still in the dungeons last time we saw them, Caine was shipped off to the prison island and left to die there as far as we know, and the Stabbingtons are shown shackled together in the wedding short even though they supposedly changed their ways and befriended Eugene again.

Meanwhile Dwayne and Stalyan are free to go their marry way and continue their life of crime, Varian is only released from his overly harsh punishment because he kissed Rapunzel’s ass not because it was wrong to imprison him in the first place, and later Cassandra gets away scot free because she’s Rapunzel’s bestie even though she committed the worst crimes out of everyone in the show and for very little reason.

That’s not justice. That’s not compassion. That’s not progressive reform. It’s just nepotism, and it’s every bit as corrupt as Frederic’s classism and totalitarianism.

Just because Rapunzel is “nice” it doesn’t mean that she is kind. Real reform has to treat everyone with equality and have a set of base standards that are beyond one person’s personal judgment. She is still a dictator and an abuser even if she lets the occasional person go free on a whim.

Finally, Rapunzel’s methods are just downright ineffective. Dwyane may not be a threat to our heroes, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a threat to other people. He’s not actually sorry about trying to rob people at knife point and he fully plans on continuing being a thief after feeding Rapunzel the lines she wants to hear.

Furthermore, we don’t know if this course of action is born out of malice or desperate need. He half heartily comments about finding ‘an honest job” but can he even do that? Is it even a realistic option for him? The series has been weaving this class inequality theme through out it’s past three seasons and directly connecting that to Corona’s crime rate.

Eugene had a hard time finding a job during season one directly due to his past record, remember? A life of crime he was forced to lead in order to survive, and he’s the Prince Consort! What chance does Dwayne have? Did Rapunzel even try to help him find work or did she just wag her finger at him and told him “Now, now, stealing’s not nice.”

The show wants to act like Rapunzel is this progressive reformer but then they turn her into a Republican instead. That’s not me being sarcastic either, this approach to criminal justice is the foundation of conservative belief and has been for centuries. The right are not interested in why people commit crime. They don’t care about addressing the fundamental problems in society that lead people to break the law. Let alone bother to analyze why those laws exist in the first place. Instead they resort to doublethink and survivor bias to either write off those that fall through the cracks or make excuses for why their policies repeatedly fail, often ignoring the fact that things aren’t actually working for whole swathes of people who aren’t themselves.

Tangled the Series is far too simplistic and childish in it’s approach to deeper subjects like this to enforce the messages it supposedly wants to enforce. Rapunzel herself relies on magical thinking, double standards, and personal bias to see her through every and any problem and the show just rewards her for it rather than challenging her to grow and in doing so winds up supporting people like her in their authoritarian ideas, whether that was the writers’ intentions or not.

In short, Rapunzel shows no interest in putting in the real work it would take to implement genuine restorative justice. She doesn't honestly care about Dwyane or his victims. She’s just posturing here for the sake of her self image.

You’re Not In Any Position to Talk Rapunzel

Speaking of Rapunzel being a hypocrite.... The entirety of season three’s main conflict is her having a petty bitch fight with her supposed best friend and needlessly dragging everyone else into it.

In fact that’s the whole show. Rapunzel repeatedly failing to get along with other people because she’s deep down a shitty person despite the veneer of ‘friendliness’ she slaps on to hide it. Having her just say she knows better does nothing to convince me that she’s actually learned anything. You have to show that she’s learned it first, and that requires acknowledging her own wrong doings.

Varian’s face here just tells it all. Rapunzel is full of shit and no one in the show knows it better than him. Why are they even friends again? Why should we trust her with the three kids she neglected more than once? Why should any of these people take what she says seriously?

Well This is Contradictory

Also, since we brought up double standards, here’s Varian undermining that whole “jail is bad” thing Rapunzel is trying to push with Dwayne and later with Cass. Not only is the show under cutting it’s themes for a joke, but it just reinforces the abuse Varian received. He’s now bought into Frederic’s stupid beliefs and winds up reinforcing to the audience that that his ‘reform’ was due to his past imprisonment.

As an adult watching this series, Varian’s supposed redemption continues to increasingly look like a victim complying with their past abuser out of fear of further harm rather than anyone genuinely learning to be better.

Can We Please Stop Infantilizing the 16 Year Old

As if to deflect from Varian’s past mistreatment and continuing parentification, the show then goes on to showcase the opposite extreme whenever possible. I know it’s hard to tell just from these few screen shots alone, but over the course of season three Varian is spoken down too and treated condescendingly by the rest of the cast, and by Rapunzel in particular, even as he enters his later teens/early adulthood.

Some of this is just to due to Rapunzel being her usual holier than thou self, but there’s also times, like here, where Varian is lumped together with the actual children of the show, even though he’s 6 to 8 years their senior.

In fact out of everyone Rapunzel interacts with, Varian’s actually the closest to her in both age and development. Queen for a Day forced the two of them into a power imbalance due to a mixture of classism and society’s ongoing unhealthy (and often artificial) divide between younger and older teens, but as we get further and further away from that point in time and as Varian nears the same age Rapunzel started out as, that imbalance becomes less and less relevant.

Look at how this scene is framed, He’s standing between Angry and Red and is placed lower than them to make it look like he’s one of them. He’s not.

Varian may still look 12 with his big old eyes and short stature, but seeing as how we’re past Hearts Day, he’s actually close to being 17, if he isn’t already. The timeline gets even wonkier after The King and Queen of Hearts, but trust me, we’re close to being two years past Queen for a Day, if not more so.

Varian, for all counts, should be Rapunzel’s equal by now in terms of story. Not only is he closest in age to her, but he’s also the only other person going through a coming of age arc. And of the two, Varian’s the one who has actually learned and grown as a person. He has more real world experience than Rapunzel ever will and knows how to implement that experience. (He’s also the more mature, but that’s more of a failure to write Rapunzel competently than a reflection of his capabilities.)

No matter how you slice it, Varian shouldn’t be taking orders or advice from Rapunzel; no one should be, really; and he most certainly shouldn’t put up with her condescension. Rapunzel is not his nor anybody else’s mother. She’s not even a big sister like figure, and at no point should be treated as the leader of anything or anyone.

Rapunzel is a Poor Man’s Rose Quartz

I typically try not to draw too many comparisons between Tangled and other shows outside of the occasional parallel, as a show should be able to stand on it’s own for good or for bad, but it’s hard not to discuss the series without also discussing Steven Universe in some way.

Steven Universe is this generation’s Batman the Animated Series or Scooby Doo. It’s the game changer that everybody else is trying to copy in some manner. Chris desperately wants Tangled the Series to be the next Steven Universe, right down to how the show is structured, paced, and what themes are presented. But unfortunately Chris has no idea why Steven Universe works the way it does.

For starters SU adjusted it’s pacing as it went along, smoothing out its rougher edges while Tangled doubled down on its filler. SU had a planned arc from the get go and stuck to it, so that by the time the twists came they made sense. SU kept it’s focus on Steven purposefully so that the story unfolded from his view point while making to sure to acknowledge the importance of other characters around him and their conflicts. It didn’t make him infallible nor shove aside everyone else’s arcs.

But most importantly, Steven Universe was written by a bisexual nonbinary person who set out to make a show for people in the queer community like themselves. Meanwhile, as a middle aged white man, Chis hasn’t a damn clue about his primary audience and has shown no interest in connecting with them.

This isn’t to say that Steven Universe is a perfect show. No show is beyond criticism. Nor is this to say that straight white cis men can’t write; many of them do and can portray characters unlike themselves competently enough. But if you’re completely disinterested in other points of view than you can’t be a good writer of fictional stories, that’s just a fact. Because in order to understand proper characterization you need to acknowledge that not every character ever will be like you and that even you’re main heroes will hold beliefs and experiences different from yourself. Otherwise there is no genuine conflict to build off of. Either no one will disagree with each other or the conflict will come across as flat and forced, complete with lopsided bias.

Therefore, in the end, Rapunzel winds up being less of a Steven and more of a Rose Quartz/Pink Dimond. Both are spoiled princesses/co-rulers of a kingdom that mistreats it’s people and anyone outside of it, who rebelled against their guardians, supposedly out of a sense of justice, but really for themselves and their own freedom, only to make things even worse for everyone. On top of that they both accidently harmed their friends, freindzone their best friend while also bossing them around, are condescending to their love interests, is controlling of people who trust them, and throws temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want, oh and neglected someone for an inhumane amount of time.

Even then, Rapunzel winds up being the worst of the two.

The whole point behind Rose was that she is someone whom the main characters place upon a pedestal and as the series went along slowly had the scales fall from their eyes and learned to view her for who she really was flaws and all. By the end, in Future, she is even metaphorically removed from her pedestal when Steven removes her picture from the wall.

Rose also grows as a character, unlike Rapunzel. Her story is deliberately being told to us backwards. The awful person she was in the past was no longer who she was by the time of her death. True she was still flawed, and the consequences of her actions continued on even after her demise, but she actually tried to be a better person. She got called out for her behavior, she wasn’t excused for actions even when the show explained why she did what she did, and she stopped doing harmful actions whenever she realized that they hurt someone.

Greg was allowed to stand up to her and show how she was wrong, and she respected him for it and later fell in love with him because of it. She tried to better control her temper when she wound up hurting her friend. Her failed revolution and her mistreatment of Spinel was actually born from a misguided desire to help, rather than outright selfishness.

Rose Quratz/Pink Dimond is a brilliant fucking character. You may not like her, but you can’t deny that she is one of the most complex figures in children’s media to ever be created. She is real, nuanced, and multifaceted. He role within the story is complicated, messy, and intricate. She is the most well rounded female character I’ve ever seen and she is what I had hoped Rapunzel would be when I first watched season one, only even more so as the actual focus.

I want women in cartoons to be people!

But Rapunzel fails at every turn to follow through with this promise. She is not a deep complex character. She’s not a flawed and complicated heroine. She’s a blank canvas in which the creator can shove his creepy ass views upon. She is never taken off her pedestal, she’s never allowed to be wrong, and she is forced to spout the the creator’s personal bias against other characters.

Rapunzel isn’t a person. She had the chance to be one, but then was reduced to .. to this. As a woman, the treatment of Rapunzel and Cassandra in this show is just flat out insulting.

So What Is the Difference Between Angry and Red Now?

I’m all for character growth, but at this point Angry and Red are just interchangeable. Anything that made them uniquely them has been lost, and they’re now just fulfilling the generic rambunctious little kid trope. Red becoming more assertive shouldn’t mean she stops being an introvert altogether; that’s not how that works. While Angry shouldn’t lose her temper completely just because she’s wiling to open up more.

So Why Dwayne?

I like Dwayne as a character and in truth I don’t mind his existence here, and unlike that werewolf hunter last time he at least was established in a pervious season. But this is still time that could have went to a more important antagonist.

Also notice that Dwyane gets a villain song, but not Lady Caine or Zhan Tiri. Just saying.

Rapunzel Has Not Earned the Role of the Wise Sage and Mentor

Rapunzel has never learned to listen to others. Ever.

On it’s own this might have been a good speech, but when taken in context of the wider story it just makes Rapunzel look like an ass.

A year traveling does not make Rapunzel suddenly all knowing. She is not wiser nor more experienced than anyone else in this scene. She’s also a crappy leader and big fat hypocrite.

Even when she’s technically right, as seen here, she’s still in the wrong because she never follows through and acts upon her own advice; making this whole story pointless in the grand scheme of things.

And that’s the core problem with season three. Rapunzel is shoved into a role she is not designed for and the whole premise of the series runs right off the rails. You’re main heroine in a coming of age story can not inhabit the mentor role. She can not simultaneously learn and grow and be always right while instructing everyone else.

All through out season three Rapunzel is either rendered completely useless in her own damn series, or she utterly fails to fulfill any sort of narrative promise laid out for her while she infuriatingly hijacks the story from more interesting and dynamic characters.

Behold The Only Reason Why Varian was Included in the Episode

Speaking of hijacking things, Rapunzel of course has to get the idea to save everybody, even though what she thinks of isn’t anything special. It’s not derived from her character as an individual nor from all that experience she supposedly has. It’s literally an idea anyone could have come up with and the show just hands it to her in order to justify her exitance.

Meanwhile the character who actually is useful to the plot is sidelined and reduced to just a plot device. And not just here, Varian is rendered practically pointless in all but two episodes in season three, even in episodes that he actually should have more impact in, like the season opener and series finale.

Good writing treats characters as equally contributing to the plot in ways that complements who these characters are.

Ok I’ll Admit That This Line Is Funny

Look, I know this whole review series is about pointing out the negative, and I stand by my opinion that Tangled the Series is one of the worst written shows I’ve ever seen, but I want to make one thing clear.... I do not hate the show. If I hated the show I would not waste my time reviewing it.

Yes the over all writing is shit, but there are a lot of good things to be found in the series beyond just the crap story arc. The humor is usually solid, the animation is gorgeous, the music is a delight, and the majority of the characters are likable even though they don’t develop in the ways that they should. There’s a lot of talent that went into this show and there’s a lot of potential to be had in it’s set up and lore.

Being critical or negative about the aspects of something doesn’t mean you dislike it, or that you’re not a real fan, or that you’re just a ‘hater’, and I actually find TTS to be fascinating because it’s such a mess. I write reviews because they’re fun and because I genuinely think there is something to be learned from Tangled’s mistakes.

So Why Do We Cut Back to Rapunzel Here and Not Varian?

This is such an odd framing choice. Varian is the one who is talking and reacting to what’s happening. It’s his pet that’s in trouble and therefore he carries the emotional weight of the scene, and yet it’s Rapunzel’s shocked face we focus on? Why? What’s the point of that? She has no business being the center focus here. The action does not involve her.

If you wanted to include her for a later set up then why not have both her and Varian present in this shot? Usually I can at least count on the story boarders to frame things better than this, but they really missed the mark here. Unless Chris is just that stupid and petty that he over ruled them and forced Varian out of the scene, but that seems like a pointless fight to pick, even for him.

See This is How you Fulfill a Narrative Promise

The conflict between Ruddiger and Max was set up in season one with What the Hair, then it was reiterated a few episodes ago during The Lost Treasure of Herz Der Sonne, and then it was reintroduced in this episode along with a stated lesson about working together that they needed to learn. By they end of the episode, guess what, they’ve learned to work together. That is how you properly set up and resolve a conflict.

It’s clear from this that the writers of Tangled the Series know the basic tenants of writing and how to fulfill narrative promises. So the fact that they don’t follow through with this in the majority of the show’s episodes and ongoing story arcs just baffles me.

Is it negligence? Is it hubris? Is it incompetent management and editorial mandates? Is it just one asshole ruining everything or is this a failure in the writers room as a whole?

I just don’t understand what the fuck went wrong here. There’s no reason for why the show got as bad as it did. How does the most acclaimed animation company in the world put out such amateurish tripe?

Just... wow.

Now you know why I’m mesmerized by this show. It is a mystery to be solved, like trying to figure out how the crew on the Titanic fucked up so badly or why Hindenburg blew up. You just can’t look away.

Conclusion

Like I said at the start, structurally speaking this is the strongest episode of the season. I personally enjoy Lost Treasure a little more, just because Rapunzel annoys me less in that, but it’s not a bad story. However when you’re best episode in your final season is filler, then you know you’re in trouble.

If you like my reviews and want to support my writing endeavors you can drop a tip in my kofi https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

#tangled #anti-tangled #anti-rapunzel #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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suf-lives-rent-free · 3 years

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Fragments

Everything below is just my opinion; I am in no way trying to say that how I feel about this is the one correct take or whatever.

I know a lot of people like this episode and what happens in it, but I don’t. I totally understand that some people just don’t want to see any negativity, period, but negativity is not inherently bad or wrong.

Negative opinions, even about something you enjoy, can be valid too - regardless of whether you happen to agree with them or not.

Also I get very salty near the end of this, and that might be entertaining to people who stan this episode?

I am aware that a lot of people – the majority, I’m pretty sure – think that the episode is a masterpiece. And on some level, I see where they’re coming from with that assessment.

The episode is boarded beautifully, the backgrounds – especially during the training montage – are stunning as always. The music is fantastic, and the performances are great too. In these respects, Fragments is a stand-out episode; I agree.

(Like look at this. Gorgeous.)

However, something that’s bothered me since I saw the episode is the writers’ decision to write it into the story that Steven shatters Jasper.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I just don’t get it. I’m purposefully misinterpreting the story to say it’s bad. Steven brings her back to life; and it’s not like he meant to do it in the first place. I just don’t have the capacity to understand the sublime nature of the show’s storytelling. I’m an SU crit and all I want to do is make the real fans feel about themselves for liking it.

Uhhhh... no. Nah. That ain’t it chief.

It’s true; I am not a writer. I’m just a passive consumer of media. However, I do not agree with the viewpoint that in order to properly understand or critique a thing you need to have the expertise and/or experience in order to make something similar.

For example, if I were to put something I drew when I was 10 years old next to something I drew yesterday, it shouldn’t take a person who has had an education in fine art to tell you that the latter drawing is better-looking than the former.

That’s how I approach media consumption and criticism; when I criticise a writing decision, I am doing so as a consumer. I’m not saying I could write it better, or even that my opinion is objectively correct and the writer is wrong or bad. I’m just saying that I didn’t like a thing. Which, I would hope, is allowed?

Okay, defensive hedging over, back to the point; I don’t like that they had Steven shatter Jasper.

[I get markedly saltier from this point on, fyi]

Full admission of bias here: one of the things I really cherish about the original show is how they wrote Steven’s character; he’s a boy with interests that don’t rigidly conform to gender stereotypes. He likes ‘boyish’ things and ‘girly’ things, and that’s okay; thats just him. In cartoons when I was growing up, characters like Steven would be the butt of jokes about being ‘girly’ or thinly-veiled homophobia. I find him very relatable, and I want to acknowledge that yes, that is probably a significant part of why I have such an issue with this episode’s twist.

I am not trying to say that he’s a perfect baby angel or whatever; Steven regularly gets frustrated and angry. He does some pretty manipulative and dickish things to people around him (stop trying to make Larsadie happen, Steven. It’s not going to happen). He is a flawed character who fucks up sometimes. And he’s not 100% peaceful either; he acts violently when he defends himself against corrupted Gems and Homeworld Gems (and Crystal Gems on occasion *cough*Bismuth*cough*).

However, he has a pacifistic temperament; whenever it’s possible, he prefers that problems be solved without needless violence or hurt. And I like that; in most media, it’s rare to have a male protagonist who wants to solve their problems without jumping straight to punching things.

When he accidentally frees Centipeedle, he convinces the Gems to step off and allow him to try and rehabilitate her peacefully; he even notices that the Gems’ weapons are a trigger for her, and make them put them away. He frees Lapis against the Gems’ wishes because he recognizes that keeping her prisoner is wrong, and when she steals the ocean, he talks it out and heals her so she can leave Earth peacefully.

He tries to aid Jasper when she starts corrupting, fixes Eyeball’s gemstone when she’s cracked and tries talking Bismuth down when she attacks him with the breaking point. In all of these situations, his words and help are ignored or rejected; he’s forced to resort to violence. And it traumatises him.

We get an entire episode dedicated to the fact that he’s been struggling with processing these awful things that happened.

Even in Future, Steven shows hesitation about engaging in unncecessary violence; he gives into Jasper’s goading for a fight after what’s implied to be dozens of failed tries at making her come to Little Homeschool, and he spends an entire episode trying to keep Lapis from squashing the two rogue Lapis Lazulis.

The only time he hops into a fight willingly is after Eyeball and Aquamarine hold Greg hostage, and even then they pose a clear threat to his and Greg’s safety and have made it clear that they want to hurt him emotionally and physically. Even at that, he stops and switches tactics to talking them down as soon as they lose their focus and start bickering with each other.

(I mean, he fails. But it’s the thought that counts.)

I personally find it really jarring that the writers found it appropriate to write it into the series that this same character – over the course of three (3) days – goes from disliking mindless violence for mindless violence’s sake to happily engaging in the destruction of plants and animals* and has done a total 180 on his willingness to spar with Jasper, to the point that he instigates their rematch.

*(You best believe plenty of small mammals and birds – y’know, like the nest Steven saved in the first episode – died as he and Jasper felled tree after tree, not to mention all of those displaced by the destruction of their habitats, and the potential loss of food sources from some of those trees.)

You’re telling me that it’s a reasonable character beat for this boy to gleefully laugh like an anime supervillain at his sudden new-found joy in fighting, then pin Jasper in place, taunt her for helping him get so strong, and hit her so hard that she breaks into pieces and dies?

You’re telling me that that’s an in-character thing for Steven Quartz Diamond Cutie-Pie DeMayo Universe do to another character?

(And yes I am purposefully dancing around talking about the mental health stuff because if I did that I’d have to go on a whole other tangent about Growing Pains and fuck I just don’t feel like it right now lmao)

Going back to Mindful Education, another big thing we see Steven struggle with is the idea that his mother shattered Pink Diamond. This knowledge sits heavily with him; it makes him sympathetic to the Diamonds, even under the circumstances in which he sees them (escaping from the Human Zoo, and being on trial for said murder).

He sees their grief, and he feels awful. He questions who Rose Quartz even was. He knows, based on what Garnet said, that Rose had to do it; there was no other way to free Earth. But he still feels awful seeing the pain that Pink’s loss has caused Blue and Yellow Diamond.

In Steven Universe, shattering is clearly equated with execution/death multiple times. When Pearl and Garnet fret over the crack in Amethyst’s gemstone worsening. When Blue Diamond threatens to break Ruby. When Bismuth introduces the breaking point, and Steven recoils at the sight of what it does. If you want to take the fact that Gem shards are sentient and desperate to become whole again into account, you could even argue that it’s a fate worse than death. This particular act of violence is treated very, very seriously.

When we find out that Rose shattered Pink Diamond, there is a season and a half long arc unpacking the implications and consequences of this one action, and how this knowledge forever alters Steven’s mental image of his mother. And she didn’t even kill anyone. It was a lie!

In Steven Universe Future, Steven shatters Jasper 4 episodes before the end of the series. And it’s only brought up twice; once for a big *gasp* moment during his breakdown in Everything’s Fine, and in I Am My Monster by Pearl, when she has to fill-in Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot. Notably, it is never discussed around or by Jasper. Y’know. The person who actually died.

No indication of how (or even if) what Steven did is affecting his own self-image after his initial breakdown, how Jasper feels about what she went through beyond falling back into the Era 1 and 2 mindset. No inkling of how the knowledge that Steven killed somebody has affected how anyone in his life thinks or feels about him; when Pearl brings it up in I Am My Monster, she seems to not even really believe it’s true.

If there are any consequences or talks about this incident, they’re skipped over between I Am My Monster and The Future, and we’re expected to assume that Steven and his therapist are dealing with it, I guess?

And yes. It was an accident. He did bring her back to life. But it still happened. If you hit someone over the head and they stop breathing, just because the paramedics are able to resusitate and stabilize them afterwards doesn’t mean you never hit them.

But here, it’s shoved aside because dwelling on it would take far too much time, and risks framing Steven in an unsympathetic way when he’s meant to be on the cusp of a breakdown.

It just feels like careless writing to me. They really, really wanted their big action scene with Steven and Jasper, but didn’t think (or maybe weren’t interested in thinking) about the seriousness or consequences of what Steven shattering someone would entail.

In my opinion, Steven shattering Jasper is one of the cheapest, laziest things they could have ever done with his character (and hers, for that matter). To me, the entire thing feels entirely out of character. It’s pure shock value; nothing more.

So yeah. That particular writing decision just does not work for me. And if you disagree... well that’s fine? It’s fine. We can agree to disagree? I’ve read a lot of defense/praise for this episode, and honestly even after processing all of those opinions and all the time my thoughts about this plotline have been stewing in my brain, I still feel the same way.

#steven universe #steven universe future #negativity #cw death

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antihero-writings · 4 years

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Before It Kills You Too

Fandom: Lore Olympus (Webcomic)

Fic Summary: Anger was a fire, it burned white hot and devastated the world around it. But then it faded...This was more than anger.

Hera goes for a drive after a fight with Zeus, and has some time to think. Her internal monologue and memories, using Blackpink's "Kill This Love" as a prompt.

Character Focus: Hera

Notes: If you haven't listened to, and/or watched the music video for Blackpink's "Kill This Love" (I’ll put a link in the replies!), I highly recommend you do so either before or after reading, as the fic is based on the lines, and a few of the visuals of it!

Also, fyi, I am very new to the world of kpop myself... I deeply apologize if I didn't do the song justice!

I am a big fan of Greek Mythology (though I don't know it super well), and adore retellings of it, (as well as retellings of classic literature in general). But the two characters I've never liked in other retellings + the original myths are Zeus and Hera. But Rachel does such a great job with the characters in LO she managed to create a version of both Zeus and Hera not only do I like, they are in my top favorite characters of the series.

I've wanted to write a fic for Lore Olympus for a while (as well as something using "Kill This Love" as a prompt), and I decided to write one about them, both because I don't think there are as many fics about them, and to honor what a great job she's done with these characters, and how much she made me like them (and because the song fit too well with her!)!

Chapter 1: I Owe It All to You

Hera kept glancing from the road to the speedometer, the dial sneaking steadily upwards: sixty miles an hour to seventy in seconds.

She leaned over and took a cigarette from the pack, putting it between the fingers of the hand on the steering wheel. She took out the lighter and clicked it open, lighting the end, then closed it again and set it back down in the cupholder while she breathed in.

Smoke never tasted so sweet as when she was angry with him.

Eighty, ninety.

“Good to see you again, Bunny!”

“It’s only been a few days!” She laughed, “And who’s Bunny?”

“You are!” Zeus took her hands and gave her eskimo nose kisses. “Who else?”

The golden girl smiled, big and bright—

—the kind of smile one can only give when the world itself is big and bright. When one lives in a realm of hope, where beings keep their secrets, and their promises, and no one lies, or steals, or cheats.

She breathed out, smoke billowing like her mouth was the gates to the Christian’s hell—(they say hell hath no fury right?).

Sometimes she wished she had Zeus’s power; that she could set the world on fire with a glance.

A hundred.

The world was nothing but streaks of light across her vision. Not trees, people, and buildings; not distinguishable as life or meaning, just lines of color as she flew by. Maybe things were better that way. She could dance in the in-between, reach up and grab the ribbons, twirl around with them in beautiful absurdity. Only absurdity was beautiful; truth and sanity were far too ugly.

“Bunny I—”

“Don’t ‘Bunny’ me!”

She took another long draft, letting the smoke’s medicine filling her lungs.

And out.

Breathe out, feel the negative emotions leaving your body, all the meditation gurus say.

What a load of bullshit that was.

For every soothing inhale there was always an exhale that felt like it was clawing its way out of her throat. For every sweet hello there was a bitter goodbye, full of curses at his back, in return. For every incredible high there was a unfathomable price. That was the rule to life; what goes up, must come down.

And she had risen too high, once upon a time.

The test of life had no answer, let alone a right one. Even the gods were slaves to fate, and emotion.

The tires screeched hellishly as she rounded corner.

Hera walked around the corner.

“It just—I feel like the world’s on fire when I’m with him! You know?”

The queen stopped. It was that nymph’s voice. The one who came by earlier.

“Ahh I’m so jealous! Tell me more! Tell me!”

“Well he just…I don’t know! When he kisses me the whole world just kind of…stops. You know? And when he listens…I feel like he’s actually listening.”

“Ugh, too sappy! Tell me the dirty stuff!”

“Oh stop! I’m not gonna tell you about our sex life!”

Hera rolled her eyes, beginning to walk away when—

“Well he is the king of the gods. You’re right; It’s better if I imagine.”

The queen froze.

“Eugh I don’t want you imagining me in bed with him!”

“No, I’m imagining me in bed with him!”

Hera couldn’t hear them anymore. Couldn’t see the world in front of her. She was staring at a space before her eyes only she could see; a space, a memory, where the world was wide and she and Zeus were the only beings in it.

That space was shattering piece by piece.

Her breath was shallow in her chest, her blood pumping her ears.

“Mama?” Ares’ little voice brought her back to the world. “Mama, you’re hurting me.”

She immediately let go of her son’s tiny hand. “I’m so sorry sweetheart!” She crouched down and took his hand in both of hers, this time with the most gentleness she could muster, and kissed his fingers. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah…‘m okay.” He took his hand back and rubbed it.

He looked at her apprehensively.

“…Are you okay, mama? …Are you angry?”

She whizzed passed broken stop sign, catching her reflection in the rear view mirror; her hair in tattered locks like rags about her face, eyebrows permanently furrowed, lip permanently pursued, blue eyes dim and hollow, with nothing of the brightness they once contained; only a few lingering sparks of electricity in an abandoned power plant.

‘Okay’. ‘Angry’.

Such ugly words.

“I just…” the golden girl pushed her hair behind her ear sheepishly, her eyes bright, “I feel like the world’s on fire when I’m with him…you know?”

“Can’t say I do,” Aidoneus muttered softly.

She put her gently hand on his. “Don’t worry, I know you will one day.” She grinned.

And what made it better was that she really meant that.

He tried to smile back.

“So what’s that…like?” he asked softly.

“Well…when he kisses me the world kind of …stops. It feels like there’s nothing and no one in the universe but him and me. We can talk about anything. And when I talk it feels like he actually listens. He always makes me laugh. When I’m with him…it feels like nothing else matters…”

She hated that word: okay. It was too simple, too easy; one could always throw it out as an answer. It didn’t mean, I’m doing very well, or I’m doing poorly—(though it could mean either depending on the context). Okay was just, ‘fine’, ‘alright’. Okay could mean you were doing wonderfully, having a great day, and okay could mean you would rather be dead, and either way people would smile and say good! I’m okay too!. Okay was never truly satisfied, never fully living. Just existing. ‘Okay’ was a word for ghosts; for those who are neither dead nor really alive, neither sinners nor saints. Just floating through the world, caught in between.

She was always okay…and she was never okay.

She rolled down the window, cool air rushing in to the car and scooping up all the smoke, taking it out into the night, giving it to some other lonely Goddess who needed it.

“Ugh, this again? I thought we were done with this…Just leave it for now. You’ll feel better after lunch.”

And, anger, anger was a fire that blossomed like a rose high, and bright, and scorching for a while, eating everything it saw. Then it dwindled. Sometimes it could be lit again by a passing breeze, if the embers were still fresh enough. And sometimes that relight could touch a passerby leaf or bush, and from there desecrate forests and cities. But often, even then, once it had finished blazing it would wither and die. Anger burned white hot and violent at first, but eventually it would fade, and the world would be left to deal with everything it blackened in its wake.

She sometimes had a vague image of smashing Zeus’s head in, of him clutching his big ugly skull, golden trails of blood intermixing with his violet hair, draining down his cheeks. And there she was, holding the stem of glass, half of the vase, in her hand, the rest of it in pieces all over the floor before them. Sometimes. Sometimes it felt good to take out all that anger out on innocent paintings. Sometimes she had to destroy something, before it destroyed her.

“You’re acting crazy.” He had said.

Crazy, was she?

Crazy for believing visions in her head, which were always right in the past? Crazy for being angry? For kicking him out? No.

Crazy for staying with a being like him?

Yes. If she was crazy, that was why.

If I’m crazy, well, then…

She smirked, taking a long draft, and letting it out, grey wisps filling the air around her.

Thanks, baby, I owe it all to you.

She had a faint recollection of being sane once. Before him. He always made her crazy, be it when she was first fell in love with him, or when she rose in hate for him. But there was a time, when, before all this, she was a sweet, naïve little golden girl in the forest, with her sanity in tact, who loved animals, and taking care of broken things, her innocence still put together.

He thought he knew crazy. He hadn’t even scratched the surface.

But then that impulse would fade as quickly as it came, and she was left with guilt for even thinking that way. She’d never do that. She might burn his picture, but she wouldn’t actually hurt him…would she? She hoped it would never get that far.

No. That was anger. The boiling thing rising inside her that made her want to smash, and spit in, his face, and burn paintings, that was anger. Anger rose, vehemently, but in the end it dissolved.

This was more than just anger.

This, this feeling; this dull resounding ache at the back of her consciousness like an unending death knell; this thing that bored a hole in her stomach, making her feel constantly sick; this thing that hung as a weight in her chest; this thing wrapping around her, chaining her wings; this thing that stained her eyes with sleeplessness; this thing that broke into her mind and ransacked her thoughts, tainting all those happy memories, making them seem diluted with lies, and sickening to think of, and never, ever left her house—

This was heartbreak. Eternal, infernal, heartbreak.

She was on a long stretch of road now, out where nature still bloomed and she didn’t have to look at anyone’s faces or talk to anyone. The ribbons of light still outlining the air—(was it two hundred now? She’d lost track.).

Lucky me.

Everyone always told her she was lucky. Not everyone got to be the wife of the king of the gods. Just her. She was lucky she had a husband who was powerful. Who was rich. She was lucky she had a husband who adored her. Who doted on her. Who listened to her. Who she could talk to. Who made her laugh.

Not everyone had that. Some had husbands who were poor. Who were weak. Who didn’t love them, and whom they didn’t love. Husbands who didn’t dote on them, or give them so much as a wanton kiss. Who fixed a permanent scowl on their faces. Who they couldn’t talk to. Husbands who lied to them, and cheated on them.

She was lucky she didn’t have that.

Not everyone got to be queen.

Lucky her. So lucky he chose her. So lucky she got the crown. No one else.

No one but her.

So lucky she had that handsome face to wake up to every day.

(Every damn day)

So lucky could talk to him every day. So lucky could kiss him, and hug him, and make love to him.

(Sometimes she couldn’t even look at him.)

So lucky she had Zeus. That goofy, dumb, brave, arrogant king as her better half. So lucky she had a husband who was so sweet, and kind, and gentle, and funny, and patient, and forgiving. So lucky she didn’t have had a cheating, lying, conniving, backstabbing little weasel for a husband, who put that crown on his head, and walked into his office like he owned the world—!

And he was the one person who could say he did. Including her. Sometimes she couldn’t say a word against him.

He owned the world. Along with every fucking girl in it.

And he did fuck them.

After it all, what would he say?

We all lie, so what? Something like that.

So what.

Him; the illustrious king with his throne, and his lightning. Her; a jealous queen with a stolen crown.

The only one to blame was herself.

“I just feel like everyone’s lying, everyone’s—!” the golden girl cried, her hands over her eyes.

Someone took her arm, someone whose grasp was gentle.

He put his finger on her chin, tipping her gaze up to him.

“I’d never lie to you.” Zeus said, giving a gentle smile.

And what made it better was he meant it.

She returned the smile, placing her hand over his. “Nor I to you.”

That naïve little ray of sunlight darkened by his moon.

We’ve both lied, so what? That would surely be his excuse.

“You know what?! Why don’t we talk about you for a change?”

He’d said he was sorry before. He’d promised to be better.

And she believed him, then.

He’d spent enough time telling the truth that she believed he meant it when he apologized. When he made promises. When he spoke to her, she thought he meant the things he said.

I cheated on you, I’m sorry.

I lied to you, I’m sorry.

Now she questioned everything he had ever said. His apologies, his promises, his compliments, his kisses. Were those words so long ago just another lie? His promise to never lie to her, was that just the first lie of a thousand? As numerous as the hours they spent together. Did he ever intend to keep his words back then?

That was the unfortunate thing about lies; they could reside in even the most sincere of promises.

I’m sorry.

(I’m not sorry.)

Long ago she’d wanted him to apologize. She’d been more than desperate to hear those words falling from his lips.

Now she knew they meant nothing. They could, and usually would, be just another lie. And, even if he meant them, they wouldn’t fix this aching hole he’d left in her chest.

She remembered herself at her wedding; them, the picture of a perfect, royal couple, his violet a compliment to her gold. Both of them practically shimmering, wearing traditional wedding attire—(though impossibly embellished and adorned)—and those goofy, light-filled smiles. The whole pantheon applauding, smiling, wiping away tears at their back.

In other countries, at weddings, they said they’d be together in sickness and health, till death did them part.

Did this count as sickness? As death?

Didn’t he break that promise? Did her promises matter after he broke his? Was her faith and faithfulness worth nothing anymore?

She now imagined herself in a black dress, standing at the back of that ceremony with a bow, and an arrow made of adamant, laced with the venom from a certain many headed monster, its gleam reflected in darkened gaze. She breathed out as they spoke, and loosed that arrow, shooting that girl in the back. Olympus shouted in vain, as she watched all that gold flow out of her past self, those blue eyes fade to a cool grey, keeping her from making the biggest mistake of her life. And she’d look at Zeus’ horrified face and think

I’m sorry.

(I’m not sorry.)

That was surely better than this. Better than dying slowly, the blue in her eyes dimming day by day into lifeless grey still animated somehow, better than that gold leaking out of her with each forsaken sunrise she woke up next to him.

Would he be happy then? Without her? He could fuck around with whoever he wanted.

Would she be happier, dead, without all this?

There was no way she could have known, back then what their lives would become after a few millennia. How that god who held her hands and said he’d never lie to her, who hugged her and kissed her, and seemed so in love, could become dissatisfied. That lust would overtake him; he’d keep wanting more and more, gorging himself on it. She had no way of knowing that she wouldn’t be enough one day.

She was young, and innocent then, and didn’t know better.

She couldn’t forgive herself for that.

Something flashed gold in the headlights before her, and for a second her mind manifested before her; she saw that golden girl still, her own hair draining down the street like liquid, that white wedding attire—old, ragged, covered in burns—her own naïve eyes, still full of light and life, staring up at her, terror overtaking their innocent frames. And her own eyes boiled.

The sound of breaking glass was like a cooling rain upon a fire that had been left raging too long.

*****

Zeus was doing important business work. Focus was imperative.

Someone knocked on the door. “Your majesty.”

He fumbled with the spinner he was playing with, dropping it on the floor, sitting upright. He folded his hands on the desk, clearing his throat, trying to look professional.

“Yes? If it’s Hermes wanting to install racing tracks in the sky again—”

“Uh, n-no,” the messenger poked her head in the door, looking nervous, “It’s… about your wife.”

He blinked, then sighed, leaning back in his chair. “…What’s does she want this time?”

“Um…” she swallowed, avoiding his gaze, “S-She’s been in a car accident.”

*****

Notes cont.: Do you guys have any ideas for what song I could use for Zeus for the next chapter? (I want the next chapter to be framed like this one--based around a song, but for him, and from his perspective.) Let's see...In the simplest terms, I'm looking for a song about someone who knows they've made mistakes and/or hurt someone, and wants to do better. It doesn't have to be kpop, it can be anything XD

I'm not sure if this fic makes it seem like I hate Zeus and think she should ditch him or something...I really really don't. That's kind of the point; I actually like him a lot, and am very excited to write his chapter. Hera is just (understandably, and rightfully so) really angry with him for treating her so poorly. and I was trying to convey that to the best of my abilities...but it does make him seem pretty douchey (and, let's be fair, he definitely can be). Their relationship is broken indeed...but I hope it's not beyond repair. (though...the myths don't give me much hope...).

Speaking of the myths, I know Zeus and Hera might not have been in love in the way I describe in this. I'm not very familiar with their early relationship in the myths, but let's just say I know them getting married certainly wasn't all sunshine and roses. And Rachel's been pretty accurate to the myths in her own way, so it may be true of them in LO too. But when LO Hades was talking about them in the past I kinda got the impression maybe they were at least somewhat in love, so I decided to go that route. Also, I don't know if using Ares' in the memory places things to early, I might change it to Hebe later...I just like the symbolism of using Ares, especially as I have him acting very differently then we know him as. I might decide to alter parts of this fic if and when she reveals more about their early relationship though, especially if this ends up being super inaccurate...

Sorry, I'm rambling now XD

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the fic!! I'd really apprecaite it if you could leave a comment and/or reblog to show your support!!!

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captainchocolatesstuff · 4 years

Text

Swimming with the Sandbar Shark

Merfolk! Eijiro Kirishima x Reader

As a child, you were told many stories about the people who lived within the sea. “They traded their legs for a tail of a fish!”, one of the older fishermen would say, telling stories of other fishermen meeting these alluring beings. Some said they lured away people to kill them, and occasionally there were times when they said the opposite, saying that they saved people from shipwrecks. When you were still a child you used to believe in them, you lived with your parents on the beach where you were able to exhaust your energy as your parents watched, and sometimes, occasionally join in on your games. You all lived so happily.

They were called overseas for their job one day, you could remember saying good night to them as they set off, leaving you in your grandparents’ care. The next day you heard your grandma crying as your grandpa hugged her with glossy eyes, you didn’t know what was going on until you saw the TV that was on the news channel, there was a sunken ship that had several survivors, and there were images being shown of the ones last lost their lives. Your parents were among them.

In a fit of denial, you stormed your way to the beach and called for your parents, even going as far as to plead and beg to the merfolk to bring back your parents. Nothing ever happened, and you were left crying at the beach until your grandparents came for you, they could only hug you as you cried for your parents.

Now as a young woman you never let yourself believe in old fairy tales, and you moved on with your life by helping your grandpa with his aquarium, you enjoyed helping out in whatever way you can, the place was also a rehabilitation center for any aquatic life that needed to recover. Still, while you were happy with your life now you couldn’t help but wonder what your life would’ve been like if your parents were still around.

Right now though, you laughed as you threw fish at a sea lion that you knew too well, “Terry you already ate buddy, let Bandit and Mellow eat!”, you playfully scold as Terry snatched another fish from his fellow sea lions. You shook your head as you grabbed another bucket full of fish and tried to have Bandit and Mellow.

“Hey (Y/n)!”, your co-worker called you, looking back you saw Sierra, a nice woman in her thirties who taught you how to handle any of the rowdier animals.

“Oh, Sierra! Hi! Did you need something?”, you ask.

“I am fine but your grandpa is calling you, he said it was for something really important, don’t worry I’ll handle our water puppies”, she winks as she takes the bucket from you.

You could only laugh, “Alright, I’ll head out, oh just a FYI; Terry has been eating most of the fishes again”, you inform as you jog to the door.

“Really? Oooh, Terry~ are you being greedy again?”, she begins to scold the sea lion, you could only laugh as you made your way to your grandpa’s office.

Once there you opened the door only to see the room empty, “Grandpa? Hello~”, you call him only to see the sticky note on his desk. Picking it up you read;

“(Y/n), I want you to meet me in building 1-A, you’ll never believe what I’ve discovered”. You furrowed your brows, your grandpa always told you about surprises in person, but if he left a note then it must’ve been really important.

So with a sigh, you went to the building he wanted you to be in, and once there you saw him waiting by the door, “Hey grandpa-”

“(Y/n)! You’re here, that is good, I am sorry to be so pushy but I need you to get inside, quickly now”, he cut you off, leaving you flabbergasted. Now you knew something was up, for your grandpa to cut you off the way he did it was something very important, so you quickly went inside the building and looked around, inside was a large tank that was enough to fit in ten whales and several sharks, it even had a stairway that leads to the opening of the tank.

“So, what is it, grandpa? Must be important…”, you trail off as you face your grandpa as he secured the door before looking at you.

“(Y/n) I know you’re a young lady now and are still planning things for your future, but I need you to stay calm and well, try to understand that what you’re going to see is 100% real”, he explains cryptically.

“Uhh~ grandpa are you okay? Do you need me to call grandma or something”, you ask in worry, he only sighed as a tired smile crossed his lips.

“Turn around dear, you’ll see what I mean”, he says, and you do exactly that only for your jaw to drop at what you saw.

There were a few merfolk on the other side of the glass, one of them caught your attention the most though as you locked eyes, his hair was somehow spiked up in the water and was red in color, a small scar just above his right eyebrow, his tail was red and from what you could tell from it, it resembled that of a Sandbar Shark. He seemed to be observing you just as you observed him, curiosity and awe written clearly on his face, what nearly surprised you the most was when he gave you a smile, his teeth were sharp like a shark’s.

Other merfolk were there too, one had ash blonde hair and his tail looked like a lionfish. There was another blonde but he had a black lightning streak and his tail definitely resembles one of a tiger stingray. The last male with them had black hair, his tail was one of a black and white snapper. And finally, there was a girl there too, she was pink all over but her eyes certainly caught you off guard, she clearly was a Pascalus Anthias.

To say you were shocked was a severe understatement, you looked back at your grandfather as you gestured towards them with a shaky hand, “Th-they- um- Mer-… They’re real?”, your voice sounded small as you glanced back at them.

Your grandpa gave you a soft smile as he placed a hand on your shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze, “They are real, a family friend found twelve of them, two girls, two grown men, and the rest are boys, though from what I observed the younger ones seem to be around your age (Y/n)”, he explained.

You suddenly felt lightheaded at the information, still trying to process the situation as you looked at the mers before you, “Hey now take it easy, deep breaths (Y/n)”, you hear your grandpa say as he holds your back. You didn’t notice that you were tipping back until his hand pressed between your shoulder blades.

“A-ah, right- um”, you steady yourself as you spot one of the older merfolk that your grandpa mentioned, he had shoulder-length black hair, a stubble, and a scar just beneath his right eye, the lower portion of his body was that of a moray eel. He seemed to be informing his… pod? School? Guppies? Well, whatever they were to him, he was talking to them before you looked at you and your grandpa, he gave a curt nod to your grandpa, who tipped his head in return, before looking at you. He rose a brow at your still gobsmacked expression, you didn’t know what to do other than give him and the younger mers a weak wave, he looked amused as the young mers returned your gesture eagerly (except for the lionfish mer, he was glaring daggers at you).

He then made a “follow me” motion, leading the young ones away as your eyes followed them, but the sandbar shark stayed behind for a moment as he looked at you, he then gave you a toothy grin as he waved at you and you returned the gesture until you saw his head perk up as if he was being called. He gave you one last smile before he swam off.

‘I wonder what that was about?’, you think as your grandpa let out a hearty chuckle. Looking at him you ask, “You said that a family friend found them, what exactly happened that landed them here?”, you ask.

“Well…”, your grandfather sighed, “you already know Samuel, one of the fishermen we know that practically guards our beach, veteran, and ex-veterinarian? Yeah, he was coming back to shore after patrolling the waters and found a poaching ship, the crew also happened to have the merfolk onboard, he was able to steal the ship poachers had but several of the merfolk were injured”, he explained.

“So he brought them to me, of course since this building was the one closest to the ocean I thought it would be a nice idea to let them stay here until their injured were up and ready to leave back into their home, I was also able to get their names through the older mers, course, they were skittish at first but everything went smoothly as soon as I told them they were at a rehabilitation aquarium”, he smiles down at you.

“No wonder grandma told me you’d be staying here last night, I was worried that something was wrong with the animals”, you give a soft pout as your grandpa leads you up the stairs to the second platform that looks over the tank.

Looking down at the huge tank from the platform you took notice of the large rocks and sea flora that was there, but recalling the mers’ appearances you noted the few bandages that you overlooked in your state of shock when you first saw them.

“(Y/n), we’re going to have to keep this a big secret you know that right?”, your grandpa looked over you, a soft look on his face.

“I know, so are you going to be looking after them?”, you asked.

“As much as I would like to, I am going to have to leave that you (Y/n)”, he reveals.

“Oh ok- wait what?”, you snap your head towards him with a flabbergasted look.

He only chuckled, “Well I am always going to be busy with the things that go on in the aquarium, you are the only grandchild that is often here, I could ask Samuel but the man is too busy patrolling our waters”, he explained.

“M-me? Are you sure?”, you ask as you point at yourself, your grandpa gave a hearty laugh as he patted your head.

“I have no doubt that you would do a great job, besides I’m sure that the older Mers wouldn’t mind helping ya”, he says before his phone rings, “heh, duty calls (Y/n) I’ll come cheek on you once I’m done with the papers”, he waves before walking back downstairs and exiting the building.

You stared at the direction your grandpa left before you heard a sudden splash making you whip your head around to see the shandbar shark mer again, he rested both his elbows on the edge of the platform as he waved at you, “Hiya! I’m Eijiro Kirishima! You must be Mr. (L/n) granddaughter!”, he chirps.

You blink at him before giving him a shy smile, “I am, my name is (Y/n)”, you introduce.

When he flashed you that friendly smile, and when you returned the gesture, you both felt a spark between you in that moment not knowing that it would sprout into something more.

~~~

You laughed when you heard Katsuki cursing after a beach ball was thrown at his face. Denki, Mina, Eijiro, and Hanta were up against Izuku, Tenya, Ochaco, and Shoto in a game of water polo, Shinso and Katsuki sat out while the adults of the group swam bay and watched.

Mr. Aizawa -you called him by his surname out of respect- let you brush his hair as Mr. Yagi laid back on the wall of the tank, elbows resting on the edge of the platform.

“What the hell Deku!”, Katsuki roars.

“Ah! Sorry Kacchan!”, Izuku frantically apologizes until he squeaked when Katsuki went diving after him, Izuku dashed off making Mr. Aizawa sigh.

“Yagi”, he grunts, “it’s your turn to deal with them”

“A-ah, right-”, Mr. Yagi chuckles half-heartedly before going after them.

You humed as you stroked your fingers through Aizawa’s hair, deciding to give him a low bun with two loose braids holding the rest of his hair back, “Hey! (Y/n)!”, you hear Eijiro call out to you.

When you finished styling Aizawa’s hair you perked up, “Oh, hey Eijiro, what’s up?”, you ask, hardly noticing the older mer slipping away with a huff.

“I was wondering if you could bring something to eat, like the kind of stuff you humans eat, since well tomorrow is our last day and…”, he trailed, a light pink hue tinting his cheeks as he looked up at you, “I wanna know how they taste, y’know something with meat preferably, ah- you know what, never mind-”, Eijiro began rambling as you laughed.

“Kiri it’s okay, I’ll bring you something okay, you guys told me about your mer things, it’s about time I share something of ours”, you smile at him.

“In that case can I have what you humans call ‘hamburgers’!”, Denki pipped in with a cheer.

“Kaminari~!”, Eijiro lightly scolds until he saw you pull out a notepad and pen.

You scribbled some of the listed things as some of the mers soon gathered around you, smiling at them you chip, “Anything else you guys wish to order.

“I’m up for some of that fruit stuff!”

“Mochi sounds nice!”

“Can you add Natto!”

“Cold soba”

“AH~ Then, maybe that ‘beef stew’ would be interesting to try”

You kept smiling as you wrote down their “orders” while Eijiro stared at you for a while longer, he let a smile form on his lips as he stared at you for a while longer. When it was time to go home the mers went down to their water caves to rest up for tomorrow, Eijiro took this chance to reach out to you as you packed your stuff, “(Y/n)!”, he calls.

You turn around and walk to the edge of the platform before kneeling down, “Hey Eiji, I thought you’d be with the others by now”, you absently point out, he only chuckled as he scratched the back of his head.

“Well, I was but I just wanted to spend a little more of my time with you before we leave this place”, he softly says.

“Yeah, I hear that Mr. Yagi is healed up nicely, Sero and Uraraka too if I recall, are you excited to go back home soon”, you ask, smiling despite the weird pull in your chest.

“Yeah! Yeah, I am… but I’m gonna miss this place too, you and Mr. (L/n) were a big help to us, and we had a lot of fun here… is it selfish of me to want to stay a little longer?”, he suddenly asks.

You blinked before giving Eijiro a reassuring smile, “No, I don’t think it is Kiri, you see many people grow attached to things, whether it be a person or place, it just means that you made good memories from the place that brought you joy, as for being selfish, well… someone once said that it is okay to be a little selfish sometimes”, you explain to him.

Eijiro suddenly intertwined his fingers with yours making you stare at him with mild confusion, he looks up at you with a toothy grin, “Thanks for being our friend (Y/n)”.

You smile back at him, “And thank you for being mine”

~~~

Just as you promised you brought all of the things the mers wanted to try, and they all made so many sounds as they ate, from chirps to hums as you enjoyed your meal alongside Eijiro who was eating bacon after finishing his chicken, beef, and pork meals.

“Wow, I didn’t know that you humans did this with your meals, I can taste so many flavors yet it makes a pretty neat combination!”, Eijiro chips as you laughed.

“Well, it is the most preferable way we eat our food, we don’t entirely eat our food raw, but I know some cuisines that are raw”, you explain.

“Really? What raw foods do your can eat?” he asked

“I know sushi is one, steak as well depending on how you order it…”, you trail off as you listed several more meals while Eijiro listened, a smile on his face as he finished his meal.

And soon enough, you found yourself running your fingers through his hair when he rested his head on your lap, passing the time by talking. Both of you were so distracted by each other you didn’t notice other mers swimming around, but a specific pair of mers watched as you and Eijiro seemingly clung to one another knowing today was the last day, Mina let out a weak smile as she spoke to Katsuki.

“It’s kind of sad don’t you think, they don’t even notice how deeply they care for one another”, she pouts.

Katsuki scoffed as he glared at his shark friend, “Hair-for-brains better hurry up with his choice then, the idiot is likely to lose something if he keeps dancing around the obvious problem he’s having”, his eye twitched when he saw Eijiro’s gills fluttered, “he better do it quick, tch! This shit is annoying!”.

Mina laughed as Katsuki dove into the water and disappeared before looking back at her friend, knowing that some of what Katsuki said was true.

As the time came closer for the mers to go back home, you felt your chest ache as you rode in the truck, looking out the window you saw the beach draw near. A shiver shook your spine when your grandpa rolled down the window, talking to your grandmother on the phone while you were left to your thoughts, you felt sad and admittedly you already figured out the reason as to why. Your thoughts trailed to Eijiro eventually, thinking about all the things you would miss about him once he left, you scolded yourself for your selfish thoughts because you knew he had a home to go back to.

Once at a secluded area at the beach you helped your grandfather assist the mers in reaching the shores, and once they were in they all happily swam in the area as you and your grandfather walked to the end of the pier while the mers swam under and around it. Your grandfather laughed as you sat down letting your bare feet touch the waters as you smiled weakly.

“Ya hoo~! Home sweet home!”, Deki cheered.

“I wonder how mom is handling this”, you hear Izuku say as they all swim before you.

Aizawa and Yagi looked back at you and your grandfather, “We thank you for helping us recover Mr. (L/n), young (Y/n), you have been a great help to us”, Yagi smiles.

“It was no problem at all, just make sure to stay safe yes?”, your grandfather laughed, as did the rest of the others, you managed a weak giggle.

“Come on, it time we go”, Aizawa sighed before giving a final wave of his hand, soon the rest of the pod pack followed, also saying their goodbyes.

“Bye! Thank you for caring for us!”

“Yeah! You guys are awesome!”

“Take care!!”

You and your grandfather waved back as they all dove in the water until Eijiro was the last one left, he looked back at you with a smile that almost looked forced but when you waved to him with your own smile, he waved back before diving into the water.

You finally felt your tears fall when he left.

“(Y/n)? What’s wrong?”, you hear your grandpa softly ask, looking up at him with mild surprise you were about to ask what he meant until he reached down and whiled a tear from your eye, “You’re crying”.

Eijiro felt his shoulders slump with weight, occasionally looking back at the pier where he left you, his brows furrowed when he felt more weight on his body. He stopped swimming abruptly when he felt a hard fist slam itself atop his head, making him yelp.

“OW!”

“You really are dense aren’t you hair- for- brains”, Katsuki growled.

“Wha-?! Bakugo!? The hell man-”, Eijiro winced as he rubbed his head tenderly, before being cut off by the explosive lionfish.

“Go back to the land dweller already, you obviously like her more than a friend, but apparently your hair muddled brain couldn’t understand that”, Katsuki huffed as Eijiro stared at him in awe before giving him a toothy grin.

“Thanks, Bakubro, you’re the manliest man ever!”, Eijiro gave Katsuki a tight hug before swimming off before Katsuki could do anything.

Katsuki was frozen before cursing up a storm, “Get back here hair-for-brains! I’m gonna kill you!”

“Awe~ you really do care Bakugo~”, Mina teased as Katsuki roared while Aizawa went to check on them to see what was going on.

“(Y/n), you can tell me when you’re ready okay?”, your grandpa gently squeezes your shoulder as you sniff and wipe your tears.

“I- I’m gonna miss Eiji-ro grandpa”, you whimper as you look down at the water.

Your grandpa smiled at you kindly before he lightly ruffled your hair, “Ah~ I see now, your heart is troubled isn’t it (Y/n)? Hm, the love of youth”, he softly chuckled, as you looked up at him.

“H-how?”

“(Y/n), I’m an old fellow, and I know that you love the shark boy dearly, your only showing your pain because you didn’t say anything to him, a common mistake for the young that falls in love”, he says with closed eyes, helping you stand he smiled at you. “You were afraid of telling him because you didn’t want to be selfish, you didn’t want to take him away from his home, but (Y/n), have you ever thought that he could feel that same way you do?”, he asked kindly as he wiped away your stray tears, you stared at him for a bit before frowning.

“But, it wouldn’t work, even if I tried to be with him”, you say.

“Love and life has its obstacles and miracles, anything could happen when you’re willing enough to try”, he smiled before giving you a hug, one you eagerly returned with a smile of your own.

“Now let’s go home, I heard your grandma made a nice meal back home”, he laughed as you grinned and walked with him.

“(Y/N)!!!”, you hear your name being called. Looking back at the ocean you saw Eijiro rapidly swimming towards you, pushing passed his usual speed as he continued to shout, “I’m sorry! I should’ve told you, how much I really cared for you!”, he shouts, panting as he dove underwater from crashing waves as he continued to yell.

“You’re more than a podmate! More than a friend!”, he grunts as he comes closer, voice louder than the waves that collided, “(Y/n)! I LOVE YOU, AS A PEARLMATE!”

Your eyes widened at his declaration, you looked back at your grandfather, who smiled in turn as he took your shoes from you, “Go to him (Y/n)”, he says, your heart leapt as you smiled with tears blurring your vision.

You ran down the pier, yelling to the shrak mer, “EIJIROOO!”.

His head perked up, a large grin spread on his face as he called back to you, “(Y/N)!!”.

Jumping into the water you swam to him and gasped when your head emerged from the water, and once you two met in the middle, your laughter mixed and overlapped the other as you clung to one another. Leaning your heads together you gazed into each other’s eyes.

“I love you Eijiro”

“I love you too, (Y/n), my lovely pearlmate”, he sighed.

You both stayed in the water for a while, and you enjoyed the moment as you swam with the sandbar shark.

#bnha x reader #bnha #bnha eijiro kirishima #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima eijirou #mha eijirou #mermaid!eijiro #mermaid au #this is also on my AO3

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ask-codeearasure · 4 years

Text

Questions and Answers

Question: Why did you combine Dreamtale and Mafiatale together for Dream and Nightmare?

Answer:

I did so because I thought it would be fun. I like to go with the most wacky and zany ideas because to me it’s fun. Think of Treasure Planet.

How can they breathe in space? Why are the spaceships like boats? I DON’T KNOW BUT IT’S FUN AND COOL AND FUCKING AMAZING!

I love that fun shit. Fuck serious shit, let me have my fun. But, also I like to add serious tones to it but the thing is, is that too much seriousness is not fun. Think of Teen Titans, it was a funny as shit show but also had serious undertones that would seemingly come up out of nowhere but it did so in a way that let the viewer take them seriously because of how they complimented the comedy. Angst and drama works in small bursts, but you can never have enough comedy. If you don’t let yourself have fun, you are going to lose interest in your own creation and no one wants that.

Also there was a deeper reason for this. A good while ago (fuck my memory) several people were having very serious issues with a guy called ManiaKnight, and his treatment towards people during these event things where he’d roleplay as several characters, such as Ink, Error and push narratives, however he’d use the characters to gaslight and manipulate those who had joined the events.

He made it all super dark, serious and edgy in the worst way possible and people wanted him to lighten it up via Dream. However for some reason Mania hated Dream and so out of spite he made Dream an Amalgamation, and thus normal Dream became a symbol of “Fuck you Mania” for the people who were tired if Mania’s bullshit.

A former friend of mine had vented to me about this so I designed Mafia!Dream to help encourage their “rebellion”. One thing led to another and here I am! We’ve been having fun with the characters since then.

Question: Is Error obsessed with Hazbin Hotel?

Answer:

No, I made a few Hazbin Hotel jokes in OOC because I fucking loved the pilot and couldn’t help myself because I’m a massive goober. Also FYI. Error is actually obsessed with Gambling, and doesn’t know Novella exists nor would he care that it exists.

My version of Error is not much like normal Error.

Question: Why’d you make Dream and Nightmare hoomans?? Nightmare looks like a onceler >:(

Answer:

The AU that my Nightmare and Dream are from requires them to go to the human world, so they need a human disguise. Thus they use illusions to make them look human. They’re not actually humans. They’re monsters with illusion magic. The humans in their AU don’t know that Monsters exist.

Let me elaborate, sorry for Spoilers.

Nightmare and Dream’s AU is extremely different from Dreamtale.

Mafia!Dreamtale is an AU where Dream and Nightmare are from two different realms of reality that they’re named after. The Nightmare Realm and the Dream Realm. Monsters are from these realms and consume desires and only feel certain emotions.

Dream Realm: They only feel Positive Emotions and eat Positive Desires

Nightmare Realm: They only feel Negative Emotions and eat Negative Desires.

They need to go to the human realm in order to collect these desires because the human realm is in the beginning of an Industrial Revolution and sleep has been practically outlawed because people are more concerned with progressing technology. In this AU Sleep Medicine and Alcohol are outlawed and give you time in prison if you’re caught with them.

Nightmare and Dream both make and sell these products. Nightmare sells alcohol, Dream sells Sleep Medication. Which is why they need to go to the human world and why they have the illusions.

Question: Are you tryna butcher every AU sans you come across gurl

Answer:

If by “butcher” you mean switch shit up and have fun. Then yes. Yes I am. I’m not trying to be accurate to the source material. You assuming that I’m trying to stay accurate to the source material is just that. An assumption. Not the truth.

Aren’t you tired of the same ideas over and over and over and over again? Let’s get extreme! Let’s go ham! LETS FUCKING GO! FUCK, KINGDOME HEARTS!TALE LETS GO -- okay but in all seriousness. Let’s look at all the AUs that we have. Where are the more zany ones? Where are some that just go weird and shit comes from seemingly left field before doing a nose dive into weirder territory? Why not have fun?

Fuck, I’ve seen Harry Potter meets My Little Pony fanfictions that are twice as fun than some of the AUs that I’ve seen.

Outertale is just Undertale but in Space! Can we go a little bit harder on the concept? Let’s push it just a little bit further. What else can we do with this concept? Are there space theme magic? What about when the monster’s die? Do they become dust? Stardust? Why not push the concept a bit further? What if they went supernova? What about that? Can we go further or are you just content with Undertale but in space? What if we made the story take place in the year 3000?

(Note: I don’t know much about Outertale. I only used it as an example.)

Question: Why is your Horror based on Japanese mythology?

Answer:

I wanted him to be different and I like going all out with my characters. I like basing them off of different things. I wanted my versions of the characters to be different. I didn’t want to be blatantly ripping off others. I know the originals are great! But I didn’t want to feel like I was ripping them off and claiming them as my own. But I also wanted to show off some individuality. I wanted to deviate for the sake of fun. I wanted to go all out. There is nothing wrong with changing things up.

Horror is actually mainly based off of the Blood Moon skins from League of Legends. But it got my interest in Japanese mythology going again so I decided to mix that in there BUT that is also because The Blood Moon Skins are based in Ionia a region on Runeterra (the world of League of Legends) that is based off of Japan and… well.. Asia in general. So I got those two things and mixed them together and started to switch shit up. Change the Blood Moon idea into something new! I want to make things different.

Question: Is Dust based off of Assassin’s Creed???

Answer:

I have never played Assassin’s Creed. The closest thing to it I’ve played is League of Legends’ Pyke, and Ekko; and with Watch_Dogs (the second one) but I haven’t gotten past the first level because I had to focus on my college education and I haven’t had the time to play through it.

Dust is based off of Alice in Wonderland, Alice: Through the Looking Glass, American McGee’s Alice, Alice: the Madness Returns, Dr. Spencer Ried from Criminal Minds, Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bamg Theory, Ekko the Boy Who Shattered Time from League of Legends, Visual Kei, and the image in this Youtube video: https://youtu.be/jJ0qDlyrGow

It’s weird that you came to such a conclusion because everyone else keeps telling me he looks like he’s from Kingdom Hearts, which is hilarious! Dear god, I don’t see either! Someone needs to break this down to me because I must be fucking blind.

(Ps. Please send the music artists in that video love, adoration, support, and money. They’re amazing and need more of everything positive.)

Question: Killer looks like a walking JoJo reference!!! Is he??

Answer:

Nope. I didn’t even watch Jojo when I designed him -- which reminds me I still need to binge the show. Killer is actually based off of Tanya Degurechaff from Saga of Tanya the Evil, and Edward Elric from FullMetal Alchemist and FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood.

His story will barely even reflect this. And I know what you’re thinking “So original/sarcasm” well there is no such thing as originality. As an artist (which writing even falls under). Everything is inspired and based on something.

To quote Picasso “Good artists copy, Great artists steal”. Now this can be taken in a horrible way but it’s talking about technique. You can steal a technique and those techniques are something you are even taught in art school. You can take inspirations and those inspirations are dependent on how they are used. In this context, the technique is a trope. Tropes are dependent on how they are used and executed. And yes I might switch up Killer’s design a bit, but at the same time I like his design but I don’t think I will change it right now, I need to think about it, because now that I think about it, it’s not much of a military uniform but that’s because of his jacket. I will have to add a bit more detail to his uniform. Also the shadow behind him is a visual signifier of the Chara part of his soul (he absorbed Chara’s Soul but her soul is still active) which is awake and can still talk, but it's more like she is talking through him a voice emanating from his soul -- perhaps that’s why he looks so… Jojo-y?... I’m going to have to go through his design with a fine tooth comb to switch it up a little more.

“Question:” WHY IS BERRY TOO CUTE AND TOO MUCH OF A BABIE!! I HATE THOSE KIND OF BERRIES AND I WANNA MURDER THAT THING FGHJKL!!!!!!111!!

Answer:

That isn’t my problem bud. I don’t cater to anyone. If you think he’s too cute, that’s not my problem. Hell I made him that way because my version of Berry -- Cyber!Berry -- is literally a 3 year old who is super intelligent but still a child. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen a 3 year old, but they look so fucking cute. But if you don’t vibe with cute things… that’s a you thing, not a me thing.

It’s your problem. Not mine. You don’t have to like my designs.

“Question:” i hate ur characters, they made me cry because of how badly designed they are hurrrr durrrrr

Answer:

Not my problem, I’m not catering to anyone. You hating my characters doesn’t mean shit. After all, let's point out the obvious… it’s just your opinion. You don’t have to like my designs. They weren’t made specifically for you. They were made for fun not for you. I’m not going to cater to you. Do yourself a favor and go away and find something you do like,or find the best discount at Macy’s, or send your favorite creator love, because those things are better than wasting your time and more importantly mine and my friends’. If you wish to stay strictly to bitch, bemoan and troll, please cry directly into my coffee mug, your salty tears give me life.

#faq post #qna #Code: Erasure

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thecatsaesthetics · 5 years

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Round-Up:l Historical Fiction I’ve read in the past 6 months or so…

I wanted to do a round-up, I don’t think I’ve told people here but I got a job last December where I work from 3pm to 11pm as a data processor and I’m not allowed to have my phone or anything on me but an mp3 player. So I’ve been listening to audible books after audible books. So today I’ve going to give you a short round-up of the books I’ve listened to.

Becoming Marie Antoinette by Juliet Grey:

This book centers on the Young Marie Antoinette, through her childhood to her accession to the French Throne. It’s a rather good take on the character of Marie Antoinette, they show how underprepared she was for life at the French Court. How different the Austrian Court was. They showed how Maria Theresa had to fight battle after battle to ensure the alliance took place. The marriage of Louis and Marie was so well done. The author really took her time to slowly build the relationship up and highlight how deep there love for each other became. This book was actually perfect for a historical fiction novel, stuck to the facts, very well researched about the era and had interesting characters. The only issue I had is a series but the rest of the series isn’t available in audiobook format. I hope one day the other two books get narrated and I can listen to them.

The Romanov Empress by C. W. Gortner:

This book centers on Tsarina Maria “Minnie” Feodorovna (mother of Nicholas II), it starts with her sisters in the engagement of the future Edward VII and to WWI and the aftermath of the Russian Revolution. The book closes out on Minnie and her remaining children fleeing to Great Britain.

Now this book was very conflicting for me. The problem I had with this book was the characterization of Alexandra Feodorovna (Nicholas II’s wife). It seems Gortner is of the opinion that Alexandra caused the downfall of the Romanov’s, which frankly just isn’t true. The problem for me is, it could be Gortner doesn’t actually believe this, historically Minnie and Alexandra didn’t get along, the book is written from Minnie’s POV. So it’s natural that there is a lot Alexandra hate, but it also seemed over the top. The book blames Alexandra for Nicholas for celebrating after the Khodynka Tragedy (which literally ensured his poor reputation amongst the people). However, everything I’ve read on the topic indicates it was Nicholas’ uncles that insisted the parties continue. To blame Alexandra for every action Nicholas took is just incredibly unfair and simply not true. Alexandra certainly wasn’t a victim but we really need to let Nicholas II stand on his own. If you’re interested the History of Russian Rulers did amazing podcast episodes on Nicholas and really showed how his own actions led to his demise. Now the positives of this book are it really highlights Minnie’s relationship with her sister Alexandra of Denmark (who was the wife of Edward VII). It also shows how interconnected all the families of the first WWI was. The characterization of Alexander III is spot on, and the love between him and Minnie is incredibly believable. I also loved Alexander II in this book (his good and bad sides). Minnie’s relationship with her sister in law Maria of Mecklenburgh adds spice to the book. They were true frenemies. The book does a great job of taking you back to the late 1800s and into the last hours of Imperial Russia. They also highlight the danger the last Romanovs were truly in and how naïve they were to the challenges they were facing. It also showed how Minnie and Alexander’s parenting came back to bit them. Minnie seems to just face conflict after conflict with all of her children. But it’s also heartbreaking to read her reaction to her sons (not just Nicholas but also her son Michael) and grandchildren were murdered. Not to mention the other children she lost (to illness). Also the death of Alexander III was touching. If you’re interesting in Russian history I would give this a go, but take the Alexandra stuff with a huge grain of salt.

The Queens Vows by C. W. Gortner:

This book centers on Isabel of Castile, going from her childhood to events of 1492. Now I’m going to say this if you’re interested in Gortner as an author you should read this book. Out of the three books I’ve read by him this is the one I believe is most worth your time. His exploration into the character of Isabel is near perfect. While he does have a few inaccuracies (which he mentions at the end of the book) they only add to the story. This book was really able to capture the 1400s for me in a way no other book has to date.

The marriage between Isabel and Ferdinand in this book is extremely well done. You get to see how much they love each other and how troubled the marriage could be. I truly enjoyed the characterization of her brother Henry IV. The weaknesses he had and the struggle between him and Isabel. If you enjoyed the Isabel TV Series this would be a great add on. It’s not exactly the same (Gortner makes it near certain that Isabel’s niece is illegitimate unlike the show) but it’s a perfect add on if you have been craving more since the show ended. I think Gortner handled the Jewish expulsion of 1492 very well. He notes in the back we really don’t know what went through Isabel’s head during that decision, he chose to take one version of it. He also notes how incredibly powerful the idea of damnation was, and that even if Isabel had no personal issues with Jewish people in her realm the overwhelming religious pressure cannot be denied. I agree with him on this point, and while it’s easy for us (in the 21st century) laugh off the idea of damnation in 1492 it was a part of there reality.

The Vatican Princess by C. W. Gortner:

This follows the life of Lucrezia Borgia from the start of her father’s succession to the papacy to her entering her marriage with Alfonso d’Este. This one by Gortner was my least favorite. Like the other two, it was incredibly well researched and it does a great job pulling you back. However, I personally didn’t like the characterizations or the route he chose at times. I’m going to give spoilers for the book FYI so scroll past if you don’t want to know. He took the route of victim Lucrezia, which doesn’t appeal to me very much. Also he had Vannozza dei Cattanei hate her daughter for steal the attention of Rodrigo, it has Giovanni Sforza be an abusive ass who sexually assaults her, it has Rodrigo sending Giulia to sleep with Giovanni Sforza to keep him off Lucrezia (And sleep with Juan as well for some reason), it has her brother Juan rape and impregnate her and he does this because he’s upset Cesare killed his lover Prince Cem and wants to hurt Cesare, has Rodrigo grow to despise Lucrezia for Cesare murdering Juan, Rodrigo allows Cesare to murder Alfonso of Aragon to hurt Lucrezia like he was hurt by Juan’s death, oh also Cesare doesn’t murder Juan for the rape itself it’s more about Juan getting to have Lucrezia “first”, it also has Vannozza upset with Lucrezia for Juan raping her as well, and has Lucrezia end up despising Cesare after the murder of Alfonso of Aragon.

Now I’m not a Borgia expert by any means but the book seems to just be filled with nonsense to me. The only good parts of this book were Sancha of Aragon and Lucrezia’s friendship (WHICH BOTH TV SERIES DENIED ME OF) and Giulia Farnese massively calling out Rodrigo for basically pimping her out. While I find the latter inaccurate it was enjoyable to read Giulia talk about how Rodrigo took her when she was barely more than a child and ruined her. Personally, I’d skip this book it’s really not worth it.

The Accidental Empress and Sisi Empress on Her Own by Allison Pataki:

This follows the life of Empress Sisi of Austria-Hungary from her childhood to her assassination.

This is a series but the two books were read by different people so it didn’t feel like to me. I think all series should have to be read by the same person. To sum it up, the first book is interesting and the second book is a dud.

The first book I enjoyed so much, it follows Sisi from her childhood to the Austro-Hungarian Compromise of 1867. It follows her disasters marriage with Emperor Franz Joseph at the age of 15, her struggles with her mother in law, her struggles with postpartum depression, and her romance with the Hungarian Count Andrassy. The first book really makes you feel bad for Sisi, she struggles with a rather cold abusive man who claims to love her (but only really loves her image not her) and her struggle for freedom in the Austrian Court. Sisi is more or less pushed out of Franz Joseph and her children’s life. Franz replaces her with mistresses and her mother in law takes over the role of mother to her children. The book ends on a clear high note (Sisi gaining Hungary proper status in the Empire) and honestly the author should have left it there.

The second book is set after the birth of her final child Valerie (the only child she’s allowed to raise) and to her assassination. The book was a drag, I personally didn’t like the narrator and it took me forever to finish the book. The book makes Sisi incredibly unlikable, it makes it seem more like she abandoned her husband and family rather than being pushed out. The book opens up with Sisi having the opportunity to oversee Crown Prince Rudolf’s (And to have more involvement in his upbringing) but would rather go to Britain to ride horses. She basically is framed as being responsible for his tragedy. The author also ruins the love story she had set up between Andrassy and Sisi (which I had adored in the previous book). Now I understand you have to keep with history but you can’t set up a massive love story in the first book and they tear it down a few chapters in by the second book. The whole second book was a massive let down, I’d reread the first one but not the second one.

The Summer Queen, The Winter Crown, The Autumn Throne, by Elizabeth Chadwick: This book series centers on Eleanor of Aquitaine from childhood to death.

This series was by far one of my favorite reads of 2019. You should really believe the hype about this series, it truly is that good. Now the books span a massive amount of time so I can’t go into everything but it was 1000% worth reading. The books explore the early Medieval World incredibly well. The author takes a highly realistic approach to Eleanor (who at the end of her first novel claims wasn’t a woman ahead of her time but rather a woman of her time) with a few dramatizations. This book series should be picked up for a TV series on Starz, HBO, or Showtime. It has all the material you need to make an epic TV series. I highly enjoyed the exploration of her marriages to both Louis VIII of France and Henry II of England. How different and yet strikingly similar the relationships were. The only slight issue I have is the author does tend to go the route of King John evil, King Richard I good. Which I personally don’t believe is true. However, they do a great job showing that even though Richard is Eleanor’s favorite she does love John. Again the books take a highly realistic approach to Eleanor so the author more or less stays away from all the rumors about her (with the expectation of one which I find to add more to the series rather than take away). This is a must-read series, and I can only hope Elizabeth Chadwick will write more series like this. I also hope one day a TV network picks up the novels to adapt.

House of Rejoicing (Part 1), Storm in the Sky (Part 2), Eater of Hearts (Part 3) (The Book of Coming Forth by Day Series) by Libbie Hawker: These books have multiple points of view (GRRM style) set in Ancient Egypt during the Amarna Era. Starting at the end of Amenhotep III and to the death of King Tut. The POVs range from Kiya, Nefertiti, Tiye, Sitamun, Beketaten, Horemheb, Meritaten, and Ankhesenpaaten (I might have missed some but idk). This series is not for the light of heart, the books include rape, incest, pedophilia, violence against women, etc. I mean this book series is just a lot to take in. The author goes down the route that Akhenaten was an abusive pedophile screwing every barely 13-year-old girl he could get his hands on (his daughters, sisters, sister in law etc). The concept of this series was excellent. A multi-narrative series set in Ancient Egypt, however, the series just misses the mark. I feel like Hawker wanted this to be the ASOIAF of Ancient Egypt novels but couldn’t commit. One of the biggest writing issues I had with this was how short the books were for A. the number of POVs we had, and B. for the span of time we went through. I think this series would have benefited from more books and longer novels. The author also tries to dive into the misogyny and how it affected women. However again she just misses the mark somehow. I could see what she was attempting but it just never got there if you know what I mean. I think this series feels more a draft than a finished product. Also, the plot is a jumbled mess. Now it’s Ancient Egypt you can really do anything (especially with the Amarna era) but this series was so out there… and I’ve read Philippa Gregory. Some of the things that happened nearly had me bursting out laughing at work. I really can’t get into all craziness of this series but it’s a lot just trust me. Like I said Akhenaten is a pedophile (actually a lot of the men were) in this book, which idk I don’t feel comfortable with how all of the problematic stuff was handled. The first book was the best book of the series and the last two are really where the craziness begins. But truly I would skip this series unless you up for hours of nonsense and craziness.

#book round up #historical fiction #personal #long post

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entwinedmoon · 4 years

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John Torrington: Redshirt

(Previous posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

“I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove the situation is serious.”

–Guy Fleegman, Galaxy Quest

After the exhumations of Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine, and the subsequent publication of Frozen in Time, there was a fresh wave of literature inspired by the photographs and findings from Beechey Island. Novels, short stories, and poems either attempted to recreate what had happened to the expedition according to the latest findings or incorporated this new information in some other way. Some feature Torrington, while some just use certain aspects of the findings, such as the remarkable level of preservation or the lead poisoning theory.

I have read only a handful of the many literary works about the Franklin Expedition that have been published since the exhumations on Beechey Island, so I can’t speak for every novel, poem, or other form of literary composition that has come out since then. For the purposes of this post I decided to focus only on works that feature Torrington himself, and even then, I haven’t had a chance to read every work that does. There may be some that have a completely different take on the story and depict Torrington in a way not seen in the works that I will be discussing, but those will have to wait for another day. For this post I can only focus on the fraction of Franklin-related literature that I have been able to read so far, and if I leave out something that people think is a must-read, I apologize. But feel free to let me know what it is, because I love reading new interpretations of the expedition’s story.

(Unless you’re here to tell me about the Marvel comics character Pestilence, a supervillain who is actually Francis Crozier, preserved in ice for over a hundred years. He’s still alive but he’s gone mad and has magic for some reason. And he can possess other people. Pestilence was first introduced in 1986, and yes, him being frozen in ice was obviously inspired by the exhumation of Torrington. Now, let’s never speak of this again.)

I’m going to start with the various novels that have attempted to tell the story of the Franklin Expedition. FYI, there will be some spoilers, but mostly the spoilers will be about Torrington and other crewmembers dying, which shouldn’t really be a spoiler at this point.

Before I get into the specific books, though, I’ve noticed that there are certain themes in many of these stories, particularly involving Torrington. As his illness and death is a known point during the timeline of the expedition, he inevitably gets a mention in many of these works, but since he died so early in the expedition, he rarely has a major role in the overall story. Not only that, Torrington’s characterization is typically absent altogether. He’s generally depicted as a variant of the Victorian waif—pale and thin and doomed to die—and rarely does he get any dialogue or development. He’s first blood, a harbinger of things to come, but almost never a character on his own. He’s simply there to die, like a redshirt in Star Trek.

I have often flipped through books to see where Torrington comes in, wondering if he’ll be given something to do before he passes, and more often than not I have been disappointed. His death is always included because we know he died, and if it were left out it could be seen as callous at worst or inaccurate at best, yet his inclusion sometimes feels more like the author simply checking something off a checklist. Enters Lancaster Sound, check; winters at Beechey Island, check; Torrington dies, check. Sometimes there might be a funeral, where the main characters speak of Torrington as if he’s been there the entire time and wasn’t just first mentioned only two paragraphs ago, perhaps with Franklin orating the first of many eulogies (“We have lost one of our own today, a fine sailor named John [looks at smudged writing on his hand] Turlington…”).

But one thing that Torrington usually gets is a brief mention of his burial clothes. Since we know what he looks like in death, there’s often a description of him in his coffin, perhaps a mention of his youth, small stature, and wasted appearance. His illness usually gets a mention too—and sometimes he gets berated postmortem for going to sea while sick.

Of course, since Torrington dies only seven months into the expedition, it’s not surprising that he doesn’t have much to do in most stories, but I do wish he could at least have a little more of a role before taking his final bow. It would make his death more meaningful if he was a known character and not just a name in a long list of people who are about to die.

For a deeper dive into how Torrington is typically depicted in novels about the Franklin Expedition, I’m going to start with the most mainstream of the books I’ve read—and also the most inaccurate. That would be The Terror by Dan Simmons, a story that posits what if, rather than starvation, scurvy, illness, and lead poisoning killing off the crew, there was also an evil magical bear bent on their destruction. The book was recently adapted into a television series on AMC, and I watched the show first. I loved the show—it was very well done, despite the evil bear—so I read the book. The book…well, it had some good parts to it, but also some incredibly ridiculous parts and some incredibly offensives ones too. I won’t get into a full review of the book, though—I’m just here for Torrington.

Torrington doesn’t get mentioned until his death in The Terror. In fact, the sentence introducing him is “John Torrington, stoker on HMS Terror, died early this morning.” His slow decline from consumption is described, while also saying that he had obviously been in the advanced stages of the disease when he signed up for the expedition. There’s an aside about how ironic it is that Torrington’s doctor had told him going to sea would be good for his health, something that isn’t based on a known fact about Torrington, but getting away from Manchester and into fresh air may have been part of Torrington’s intent when signing up. Judging by the state of his lungs, he probably had difficulty breathing in the thick smoke of industrial Manchester, so it’s not so far-fetched to think he may have wanted a change of scenery to improve his health.

The dressing of his body for burial, descriptions of the clothes and bindings we know so well from the exhumation pictures, and a brief recap of his funeral get described in just a few pages. The image of him in his striped shirt sticks out in the memory of Dr. Goodsir (who is writing this down in his diary), an image that anyone who is familiar with the Franklin Expedition would know very well. But that’s about it for Torrington in this book. His name does pop up a few more times, though, because Captain Crozier has a habit of going over the names of the dead to himself, assessing how many men he has lost at different points throughout the book. Torrington as part of a list of the dead is mostly how we see him in The Terror.

In the TV adaptation, Torrington doesn’t appear at all, because the show picks up after the ships have left Beechey. The men who died at Beechey are mentioned a few times, usually as a group—referred to as “the men on Beechey” or some variation of that—with only John Hartnell being mentioned by name. Torrington, however, does get a visual sort of reference when one of the ship’s boys, David Young, dies in the first episode. During his burial, his coffin accidentally comes open, and his burial clothes look very reminiscent of the famous photos of Torrington.

Alfie Kingsnorth, the actor who plays David Young, looks a lot like Torrington, making this image extra eerie. In fact, I started watching the show because I saw a screencap of the burial and thought it was Torrington. When I realized that Torrington wasn’t in the show, I was disappointed, but I ended up loving the show anyway.

The next book I want to discuss is a novel that tried to do what The Terror did but without the monster. Robert Edric’s book The Broken Lands tells the story of the Franklin Expedition from the point of view of Commander James Fitzjames of the Erebus, third-in-command of the expedition. Fitzjames seems to be a popular point-of-view character since another book I’ll be discussing in this post is also from his perspective. Fitzjames is an interesting historical person, particularly if you’ve read Battersby’s biography of him, although that was published long after The Broken Lands came out. Being from Fitzjames’s point of view, however, means that the story focuses mostly on what happens on Erebus, which means Torrington, leading stoker on Terror, wouldn’t have had much of a role no matter what.

At least in this book Torrington does get mentioned before his death, but only just. When the ships are wintering on Beechey, it’s mentioned that two men become ill, Torrington and John Hartnell. Since Hartnell died only a few days after Torrington, they would have been ill around the same time. However, rather than showing signs of tuberculosis followed by pneumonia as the killing blow, Torrington and Hartnell suffer symptoms that get mistaken for scurvy but then are assumed to be some form of food poisoning. Torrington dies while Terror’s doctor, John Peddie, sits with him, but there’s not much to the scene. He and Hartnell get buried on the same day after a snowstorm delays their burials. Hartnell gets more attention here because of his autopsy, and there’s no mention of striped shirts and bound limbs.

But that’s not the last we hear of them. In the next chapter, it’s discovered that some crewmembers had been pilfering from the canned food supply. William Braine gets flogged for his part in the scheme, and he starts showing symptoms similar to Torrington and Hartnell. Braine then confesses that Torrington and Hartnell had also been involved in stealing canned foods, and the doctors jump to the conclusion that the canning procedure must be responsible for the illness and deaths of these three men. So instead of going with the known causes of death of tuberculosis and pneumonia, in this version of the story the Beechey Boys die of lead poisoning and only lead poisoning. That bothers me not only because it completely ignores the actual cause of death, but because it makes Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine criminals, stealing food from the ship’s stores. I guess this was Edric’s attempt at explaining why these three men had such high levels of lead so early on in the expedition, but this explanation doesn’t work for me because it ignores a lot of other things in a struggle to make certain puzzle pieces fit. I admit, I got a little overprotective when I saw Torrington being accused of something like this and started ranting about it to my sister—despite the fact that I have no idea what sort of person he was actually like, and he’s been dead for over hundred seventy years, so he doesn’t really need me to protect him from purely fictional accusations. But still…

The other novel from Fitzjames’s perspective is North with Franklin by John Wilson. This is set up as a lost journal written by Fitzjames, using some of the known letters and journals written by the real life Fitzjames as a jumping off point. In these fictional journal entries, there’s a mention of a man in sickbay with signs of consumption in August, and there’s an aside wondering why he didn’t inform anyone about his illness prior to setting sail. However, since this is the sickbay on Erebus, this must be a reference to Hartnell, not Torrington. But it’s a hint at what’s to come for both of them. An update on the consumptive man in November confirms that it’s Hartnell, his condition getting worse, and then it’s mentioned that the leading stoker on Terror is suffering the same. Again, Fitzjames wonders why Hartnell and Torrington didn’t mention their condition before setting sail, calling their weakened lungs a “death warrant” in the Arctic. There’s another update in late December about their worsening condition, until they both succumb. Out of the three books discussed so far, this is the most that Torrington has been mentioned pre-death, but he says not a single word.

Torrington’s death, taking place on New Year’s Day, brings down the happy celebrations of the crew. Again, it’s mentioned that Torrington should never have undertaken the journey with his illness, as if it hasn’t been driven home enough that he and Hartnell had probably been showing symptoms when they first boarded and should have reported it. Torrington’s burial clothes get an overview, with his short, emaciated appearance being compared to that of a child. He gets a funeral, with Franklin presiding.

The repeated mentions of how Torrington and Hartnell should have declared their illnesses before sailing on the expedition almost comes off as blaming them for their early demise. Realistically, of course, they probably had noticed some early symptoms before leaving England. But how bad were those symptoms? Were they enough to make them think they had a disease that would prove fatal? Did they realize that they wouldn’t be coming back, or did they shrug it off as just another cough? Torrington had bad lungs anyway, so maybe he didn’t notice when his black-lung-coughing changed into tuberculosis-coughing.

John Wilson wrote another book about the Franklin Expedition, this one for young adults, called Graves of Ice. This book is from the point of view of one of the ship’s boys, George Chambers. Chambers was assigned to the Erebus, so the main action happens on that ship once again, which means Torrington barely appears. Again. William Braine, however, befriends Chambers and gets far more dialogue and development than Torrington or Hartnell in any of the previous books—or this one—combined. Braine actually gets to defend his actions by saying his lungs had always been weak, and he thought the cold might do them good, explaining why he didn’t bother declaring any illness before setting sail. In real life, Torrington probably felt the same way, but he doesn’t get to stand up for himself here. In a prime example of dramatic irony, Braine calls Torrington an idiot for signing up while sick.

Torrington and his illness get mentioned the same day he dies, just shortly before Dr. Peddie informs Franklin of Torrington’s passing. His death gets called a bad omen among the crew. His burial gets a brief mention, but there’s no lingering on the image of his body in its coffin, or any mention of it even. He has no lines once again, nor does George Chambers ever meet him. At least one crewman admits that there are many men on board with lungs as bad as Torrington, as if to soften the accusation that Torrington should have known better, but it doesn’t soften it by much.

In all four of these books Torrington has had zero lines of dialogue. He gets sick, he dies. That’s it. There’s another book, a self-published one that came out this year, that I had hoped may do better by him. That would be Toward No Earthly Pole by Jonathan Schaeffer, which is from the point of view of James Thompson, the engineer on Terror. Being the engineer, Thompson would have interacted with Torrington a great deal, so I’d hoped I would get to see Torrington fleshed out more as a real character, but sadly that was not to be. Torrington does get mentioned more before his death than in other books, but it’s mostly in superficial interactions where anyone could have stood in instead, such as Torrington pointing out a polar bear.

Near the beginning of the story, Thompson gives a rundown of each stoker, giving Torrington a less-than-stellar description as a weakling, saying that, “He comes across as an old man resigned to his lot in life.” But Thompson does remark that Torrington is handsome, which isn’t really that important, but it is mentioned multiple times in the text. I guess the point was to emphasize that Torrington was cut down in the prime of his young, handsome life, but it comes off as a little awkward.

Torrington apparently has no friends in this interpretation of the story, and only Thompson seems to visit him when he gets sick. The day before he dies, Torrington, in a delirium, says some incomprehensible sentences, ending on an ominous “…do not belong here,” a phrase that Thompson initially interprets as meaning that Torrington realized he didn’t belong there, but that over the course of the expedition Thompson comes to think means the entire expedition didn’t belong there. Torrington gets the usual drawn-out illness coverage, unsurprising death, and a mention of his burial. He also becomes an omen that gets mentioned again as the situation grows worse. Even though Thompson would have been one of the crewmembers to interact with Torrington the most, Torrington still doesn’t get much development as a character.

However, there is one retelling of the Franklin Expedition that gives Torrington quite a bit of development. That would be Kristina Gehrmann’s graphic novel Im Eisland (or Icebound in the English version). I previously discussed Im Eisland in my last post about Torrington in art, but now I’d like to focus on the writing rather than the artwork. Torrington is actually introduced as if he’s going to be a major protagonist of the story, and for a time he does play a large role. We get a glimpse of a sweet little romance between him and his fiancée (we don’t know if Torrington was engaged to anyone, but there’s no evidence that he wasn’t either), and he develops a warm friendship with Thomas Evans, one of the ship’s boys, whom he teaches to read. Torrington comes alive as a real person here, and while yes, he does inevitably become too ill to work and dies, as he did in real life, he’s much more than just the first victim of a tragedy. If you’re looking for some good Torrington fiction, Im Eisland is an excellent choice.

But not all Torrington-related literature is a retelling of the expedition. There is a famous story by Margaret Atwood, “The Age of Lead,” which appears in her short story collection Wilderness Tips. I should say upfront that this story is not about Torrington himself. Atwood described her use of him as that of an extended metaphor, as his death is juxtaposed with that of another character’s in the story. But the story still delves into the pathos around Torrington’s death. In mourning for her friend, Jane, the protagonist, mourns for Torrington in a way too. As Jane remembers sitting with her dying friend, she ponders about who may have sat with Torrington in his final days. His half-open eyes are described as “the light brown of milky tea,” and they look back at Jane as she watches a program about him on television. It’s a touching story that asks some emotional questions about Torrington’s death—did he have anyone to comfort him as he passed, so far from home? Did anyone on the ship mourn him, love him? The story might not be about Torrington in the end, but he makes for a powerful centerpiece, and this story treats his humanity as far more present than many of the novels discussed above.

The last piece of literature I’d like to discuss is “Envying Owen Beattie” by Sheenagh Pugh. In a poem that gives Seamus Heaney a run for his money, Pugh lovingly describes the exhumation of Torrington’s mummified body. She compares Torrington to Snow White by describing his being cocooned in ice as “asleep in his glass case.” The reason she envies Owen Beattie is because of an anecdote Beattie had once told that Pugh recounts here, of how when Beattie lifted Torrington out of his coffin, Torrington’s head lolled onto Beattie’s shoulder, and they stared eye-to-eye at each other, Beattie holding his frail, limp body. This leads Pugh to conclude her fairy tale metaphor by saying “how could you not try to wake him with a kiss?” I have to admit that if I had been in Beattie’s place, I probably would have dropped the body, but Pugh romanticizes the moment instead.

While many of the novels that I’ve described above treat Torrington as just another milestone to get through in the story, Pugh brings far more emotion and love to his depiction in so few words. Torrington looks so very much alive, like a princess under a sleeping spell, so why can’t a kiss break that spell and bring him into the present? A sweet sentiment tinged with the sadness that we know he can’t be awakened by a kiss, because it’s no spell that��s put him asleep. He’s too far beyond fairy tale dreams to come back. The tragedy of Torrington’s death gets swallowed by the larger tragedy of the Franklin Expedition’s demise in the full-length novels, but in shorter pieces such as Pugh’s poem and Atwood’s short story, Torrington’s death is given greater thought and respect. Torrington, after all, was no redshirt on Star Trek but a human being. He wasn’t just a name, a check on a checklist, but a man who suffered and died at too young an age. But the tragedy of the individual is easily lost among the tragedy of the group.

Next: My final post, a personal reflection as I ponder just what fascinates us about him after all these years.

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Torrington Series Masterlist

#john torrington #franklin expedition

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prettyodditybeware · 5 years

Text

Pretty_oddity beware

After awhile, me and two other people are here to make a callout/beware on an Instagram user who used to be a popfur on DeviantArt that moved to Instagram after being banned. They’ve done so many horrible things I think people should be aware of. People may raise eyebrows bc this started in 2017, but he still lies abt it all to this day and acts the same way,,,

I got screenshots from multiple people, including the people helping me write this callout! Please don’t attack anyone here, it helps no one

You can contact us here: https://www.instagram.com/prettyoddity_beware/

This is the user in question:

Proof here that they’re the same person here, they have the same oc: https://www.instagram.com/p/BuQVqEdH8PZ/

(He deleted it... but we have it saved)

Oddity has also made stories about his old dA, which was Vegasi, so it’s impossible for him to say it’s not his account

Oddity was known to be a jerk on dA; he often caused drama with his friend who was called “Ali” (FYI: This person no longer goes by Ali and is a male so pls don’t call them a her,,, I’m only calling him “them” in this journal because all of them go by he/him and it gets confusing) at the time by blaming things Oddity did on them. He also told them to kill themself after awhile and covered it up as being “hacked” by him.

He also scammed points from people and said Ali and Luke (mentioned below) stole them,,, which isn’t true. Ali actually tried to help said people get their money back,,,

He also was dating someone called Lokidime on dA, aka Luke, (Oddity later admitted that he had only dated Luke to compensate for the fact he wasn’t dating Ali,,, gross). He never really talked to Loki and left dA for a few weeks without warning after he started more drama with Ali. Loki eventually learned about how Oddity was treating Ali and turned against him, but first wanted to talk to him about the situation. Oddity was ignoring his notes for weeks until he responded to one after awhile. They’re very insulting so trigger warning,,,

He said he was also using Ali and pretending to be their friend:

Ali also made a callout against him for his behavior, which is sadly now deleted, but here’s a small summary from Luke:

When these screenshots were leaked and put in a callout against him, he tried to cover it up by saying he was hacked,,, and blamed the people he was harassing.

Obviously he didn’t actually have any proof bc it wasn’t true,,, and the screenshots above prove otherwise. Obviously no one who had seen the screenshots believed him and thank god for that,,,

Then later this person appeared,,,? This is more than enough proof Ali didn’t hack Oddity but we have a suspicion Oddity made the account to try and cover up the things he said to Ali and Loki

“Ali” was also manipulated/forced into telling Oddity they hacked despite the fact they didn’t: https://www.instagram.com/p/BybEm9AgxN_/

Before that, when he got called out by them, he commented these things:

He also lies abt Ali “ripping-off” one of his ocs when they bought an adopt from someone that they didn’t know was similar to his,,, he knows they adopted the character but still says they did it anyway to paint them as a bad person

(SCREENSHOT BELOW IS FROM 2019)

Oddity is also a very jealous and possessive person; when the user Ali started having feelings for both him and another person, he’d always react like he was being cheated when they were never together and never even instigated anything with Ali:

And when Ali started being friends with Luke again, he acted like this,,, he was also being rude to Ali to try and force them to break up with him which is super gross,,,

(THE REST PF THR SCREENSHOTS BELOW ARE FROM 2018)

He has a tendency to act like he doesn’t do anything wrong and admitted to having a god complex,,, which would explain that. He also tried to fish for sympathy a lot and act like the victim

He also made a “vent” (this far left drawing in the image above) that he had always liked this boy at his school,,, while he was constantly going after Ali. When someone told Ali abt all of this, here’s what he said:

New update in July of 2019:

Oddity claimed to keep “Ali” anonymous, but then later displayed their old dA account name in a post, which can easily be used to find their new and current social media’s,,, that’s extremely disgusting and disrespectful. He also sent his friend to attack them and accuse them of things they never did

(Screenshot taken by a follower on their close friend story list)

A few users have reported “Teela” to also be as much of a jerk as Oddity,,, they’re a whiteknight of his. We suggest you block them too.

And we have more proof Oddity uses people for free art,,, he joined artfight, promising to do revenge against anyone who attacks him, and when he got enough attacks, he only did a couple and then decided to quit,,, that’s so gross.

This is a really manipulative way to get free art,,, but then again, he did say all he cared about was art of his characters,,, :/

He also mocks/makes fun of straight people and emphasizes how “gay” he is,,, sounds a lot like fetishizing gay people

Here’s a very recent example:

Calling straight boys 12-year-olds and implying they’re ugly/wrong? That’s not disgusting at all,,, and this is being written by someone who is bi

These are all I have for now,,, but I’ll find more eventually. I recently found the people called “Ali” and “Luke” and asked them to share their experiences:

Luke (eruriator on instagram):

“we started dating in 2017 but he admitted he was just using me for art and didn’t love me in the first place, he only dated me because he was butthurt he wasn’t dating (Ali) and wanted a replacement

he was also very abusive towards (Ali) when they were friends, he’d start drama and blame it on him, he lied constantly about us hacking him when we didn’t just to get his popularity back

all he cares about is free art of his stupid characters and he doesn’t deserve it, not after what he did to me and (Ali), he actually admitted it multiple times

he’s honestly so gross please stay away from him he’s a monster”

Ali:

“I don’t want to say too much since I don’t want to remember every detail again, I also want my current accounts anonymous bc I don’t want to be involved or attacked by a bunch of white knights if that happens. I’m not instigating anything here, I’m just recalling what I’ve gone through so please don’t use what I say as some kind of promotion to attack him because I don’t want that.

but I met him sometime in 2016 and he wasn’t the greatest person, he constantly caused fights with me and then say I started it, he still does to this day

he claims that I hacked him to steal his points, stole his boyfriend (who he didn’t even love in the first place), ruin his reputation, and ripped off his characters?? which is complete bullshit, a few months ago I had a conversation with him and he was STILL blaming me for all the drama, saying “oh I can’t forget what you did” “you did this” “you did that” and was implying I was to blame for it all when I didn’t even do anything to him- the worst I did was vent and get upset at him for being a hypocrite and treating me like shit

he also pretended to have feelings for me after the drama?? he claims his feelings were genuine but, I shit you not, about a week ago on his instagram story he said that in 2017-2018 he knew he was gay and didn’t like girls (which I identified as at the time) and that he was uncomfortable with them. so obviously he didn’t like me. not to mention he tried to make me break up with him when we tried dating by treating me like dirt and valuing me a bunch of times which is really fucked up. he also demeaned my trauma (I was abused by his ex and he blamed me for it saying I was just making stuff up). so gross

he’s got this massive ego and god complex too, he thinks he’s above consequence and doesn’t do anything wrong but vents about being a terrible person n stuff to get sympathy which is ironic

in fact I remember one time he called me out for ““pose theft”” just because in one of my drawings had a pose a bit similar to one he had. it’s appalling how big his ego is

honestly I tried for a long time to help him but obviously it was a huge waste of time, I’m over him bc he just doesn’t have any gratitude or consideration for anyone but himself. he thinks he’s his own character and has one of the biggest ego’s I’ve ever seen

like I wouldn’t be even talking about any of this if he wasn’t such an ass to me. but yeah he just blames everything on me so whatever? I don’t care what happens to him at this point he’s never really cared about me anyway

there’s way more but it’s way too long I’d be writing an essay; if people want to ask me about it you can give them my user privately and I’ll talk to them if they want”

Overall, Pretty_Oddity is a narcissistic, selfish jerk who only cares about getting art of his characters,,, please do not support him or his work, he doesn’t deserve the traffic. he also blocks people for no reason, even people who simply follow him or say a friendly hello. We suggest deleting any art you’ve made for him as he doesn’t deserve it. He’s been using fabricated screenshots to “prove” he is “innocent” and obsessively posts about us... a sign of being guilty.

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mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker · 6 years

Link

Let’s debunk this hot trash

“Part of the problem in front of Marvel Comics is the Marvel Universe is one long, mostly-unbroken line since its inception in 1961's Fantastic Four #1. There have been retcons, changes, tweaks, and cuts, but by and large it's a straight run. The universe has seen a number of resets, but it's mostly been returned to the state that long-time fans are comfortable with.”

Why is this a problem? Marvel is the highest selling comic book company in America and the long continuity is objectively not a problem.

It’s just something people incorrectly claim is a problem.

By the 1990s Marvel already had shittons of complicated continuity that had been going longer than most other long running franchise stories.

The readers back then jumped on ship just fine.

The AMOUNT of continuity you have is never the problem it’s how you manage it. In the days where every issue was treated as someone’s first and made accessible the amount of continuity was never a problem.

“Marvel Comics as a whole and the current creative stewards of its characters have to roll with 57 years of punches. They have to take the good and the bad. In the case of Spider-Man, the current writers, artists, and editors have to occasionally tackle the fact that Peter Parker hit his wife, made a deal with Mephisto to wipe out his marriage, or that Gwen Stacy had sex with Norman Osborn. ”

They don’t HAVE to deal with any of that.

They already dealt with the first of those things and simply SHOULD deal with the other two by erasing them.

But it’s also not like the presence of those things (sans OMD) is a huge hamper on the storytelling abilities or sales of the writers.

“Many of these are moments that readers and creators would simply like to forget, but they're a part of the fabric of the character. ”

Yes and welcome to ‘This is how a dramatic character on serialized fiction’ works.

“With Marvel's Spider-Man for PlayStation 4, Insomniac Games had the chance to start from scratch. They get to pick and choose what works for their version of Peter Parker and his alter-ego. The only backstory he brings to the table is that which Insomniac has carefully considered. This allows the team to drop the facets of Spider-Man that maybe didn't work and play around with some new ideas that might be better. And if Marvel's smart, they should steal some of what Insomniac Games did here.”

Why?

Insomniac already stole from Marvel.

Sales and storytelling potential for Spider-Man is NOT hampered by large continuity or even negative patches of it for the most part.

When bad stories happen so long as they are fixed then things get to move on. Even something as bad as Sins Past isn’t overly a drag because the story itself is so nonsensical it might as well not be canon, people have isolated and ignored it and the scope of the damage it can cause is fairly limited, it doesn’t really cut to the heart of the franchise. The time he hit his wife on the other hand was dealt with and moved on from.

So the existence of bad patches doesn’t really matter. Doctor Who has had no end of bad stories merely in it’s TV incarnation (to say nothing of it’s plethora of spin-off media which are all canon to varying degrees) and all those things still happened. But the show is still going strong and hit stratospheric popularity in the mid-late 2000s and early 2010s.

Hell the Simpsons is still going despite there being at least 20 years of mediocre-bad stories.

“I'm going to be honest. I'm not a huge fan of Mary Jane Watson. I don't necessarily have a problem with the character, but I've never really been a fan either. The marriage of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson was done on a whim and many writershated it at the time.”

Oy vey this shit again.

The marriage was not done on a whim. Stan Lee, the creator of Spider-Man wanted it to happen and EIC Jim Shooter decided to synch it up with the comics.

At the time Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz had been building up to Peter and MJ’s wedding with the intention of her jilting him.

But the build up from them, and other writers like Peter David, was still there.

Only the outcome changed.

As for this ‘many writers hated it’ thing, the article links to ONE writer’s opinion on the subject.

If we actually look at the majority of Spider-Man writers to have written for Spider-Man during and after the marriage we see most of them were okay or neutral on the subject.

David Michelinie wasn’t thrilled with it, but he came on side eventually. Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz were the same. Matt Fraction wasn’t too sure about it but wasn’t innately against it either. Nick Spencer clearly liked it. Howard Mackie has given statements indicating he was against it at a time but might over all be neutral. Roberto Aguirre Sacasa has never said anything on the subject to my knowledge but his work implies he’s supportive of it. Mark Millar has never said anything on the subject. J.M. DeMatteis, J. Michael Straczynski and Peter David have been outright supportive of it, as was probably Todd McFarlane, Jodie Houser and for sure artist Ryan Stegman.

Oh and Stan Lee the creator of Spider-Man. Let’s not leave him out.

Compared to that we have Roger Stern, Terry Kavanagh, John Byrne, Paul Jenkins, Gerry Conway and Jim Owsley who were against it.

Conway’s opposition was possibly due to his going through a divorce at the time. Stern’s opposition was based upon his idea of MJ being stuck in the Silver Age but he wasn’t innately opposed to Spider-Man marrying in general. Jim Owsley on his linked to blog (where he routinely lies, including claiming Ron Frenz was potentially suicidal when he never was) had a stupid sexist rationale for disliking the marriage. John Byrne is creepy shithead who would’ve preferred Spider-Man was dating underage girls anyway and along with Terry Kavanagh never wrote a good Spider-Man story in his life. In Kavanagh’s case he never even wrote a good story in his life.

So of all those people only Paul Jenkins dislike of it wasn’t unjustified. But he was an outlier.

Every other writer either liked it, was neutral on it, disliked it for nonsensical reasons or didn’t know about good storytelling in the first place to make citing them worth a damn in the first place.

And aside from aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of this...does the author realize Peter and MJ’s relationship and MJ’s whole character doesn’t begin and end in the years they were married?

Like he talks about their marriage as though this being bad proves their relationship and her character is bad when there was 20+ years of MJ prior to that.

“I think Peter has had better love interests over the years, including Gwen Stacy. ”

And the author would be wrong.

Gwen Stacy is neither better nor more interesting that Mary Jane.

That’s why THEY KILLED HER!

“Part of that is giving Mary Jane something to do. She's been a model and an actress, but the books were always more concerned with the superheroics, so you never really got the chance to feel her drive there. She was a nightclub owner, but again, the same problem persisted. ”

Except Spider-Man stories ARE NOT MORE CONCERNED WITH THE SUPERHEROICS!

My God. How the fuck can someone have read any number of Spider-Man stories and not realized, oh yeah, the book is about Peter’s life over all and his normal life is as if not MORE important than whoever he is punching this month.

By this logic Harry Osborn, Aunt May, Flash Thompson and literally every supporting cast member who isn’t J. Jonah Jameson or like Ashley goddam Kafka, is a better supporting character than Mary Jane.

Mary jane doesn’t have to be involved in the superhero side of Peter’s life because the Spider-Man series isn’t about that. It’s about his life in general and sometimes one blurs over into the other but not always and frankly if you go by the classic stories not even most of the time.

That’s why on the occasions where such things did happen it was a big deal.

“Other than supporting Peter Parker, what did Mary Jane Watson really want? ”

To be an actress

To be taken seriously as more than a model

To support her sick cousin

To earn a psychology degree

To avoid commitment

“Sometimes she just wanted Peter to not be Spider-Man anymore, which is a downer of a conflict.”

This is another lie.

The ONLY times during which Mary jane didn’t want Peter to be Spider-Man were during the Clone Saga when she was pregnant, he’d retired and Ben Reilly was the new Spider-Man and new main character (meaning there was no issue there) or during the Mackie/Byrne reboot where she was being written deliberately out of character as an act of sabotage.

Unless the author meant like in specific stories where Peter was injured and she didn’t want him to go off and be Spider-Man at that moment or in that specific context, as opposed to wholesale retiring. At which point...how is this a downer conflict? It’s a starkly realistic and emotionally justified conflict in a series built off the back of realistic emotions because Spider-Man is a human drama and soap opera FFS!

“Sometimes, things are good... ...sometimes, they're not.

Go to the article itself and notice the second image the author uses.

If you’ve ever encountered similar lines of anti-MJ/anti-marriage argument before those panels, that artwork or stuff similar to it might strike you as familiar.

Why?

Because it’s from the exact same story. Maximum Carnage.

Every asshole who tries to make this argument uses Maximum Carnage, one of the worst Spider-Man stories over all to bolster their claims. The repetition of scenes from this story (and usually the same scene) is telling because it’s either cherry picking from a notoriously bad story and pretending like it represented a norm (and removes it from important context FYI) or...these people don’t know what they are talking about and just parrot one another with the same examples.

“Over in the Ultimate Comics line, writer Brian Michael Bendis would give Mary Jane a career choice that dovetails well with superheroes: journalist. See, the reason DC Comics' Lois Lane works is her driving motivation—to be the best investigative journalist in the world—puts her on a path to run into Clark Kent and Superman. ”

Yeah and the problem is that MJ worked as well for decades even when she wasn’t a journalist. Shit she worked for the majority of Ultimate Spider-Man’s run prior to her becoming a journalist!

Yeah, remember that tiny piece of vital information the author conveniently ignored. For MOST of Ultimate Spider-Man’s 10 year tenure with Peter Parker as the lead character Mary Jane wasn’t a journalist!

Shit, she worked for her school paper so the idea that it made her involvement in heroics more organic is pretty bullshit.

More importantly prior to her journalist job Ultimate MJ’s role and function within the narrative was strikingly similar to her 616 married counterpart!

“Her intense curiosity and lack of self-preservation makes her endearing; the audience knows what she wants and the lengths she'll go to get it.”

And MJ’s goofy deameanor at times, inner strength, sociable nature, insecutirs, struggles with guilt and commitment make her endearing.

“So Insomniac decided to take the Ultimate version of Mary Jane and play it up to Lois Lane levels. She's an investigative journalist at the Daily Bugle searching for more on the recently-arrested Wilson Fisk. Her own adventures put her on the path to meeting with Spider-Man. You get that moment where they're both asking, "What are you doing here?" and you realize there's old, unmentioned romantic history. MJ already knows Peter is Spider-Man and she's fine with that side of his life. ”

And it works great...in a video game setting where you truly are spending 90% of your time in the middle of action and the plot needs to be entirely in service of that plot.

But in the context of a comic book more about the normal lives of the characters than revolving around superheroics and starring the most famous character (who’s clad in red and blue) of one of the two biggest companies in the world MJ as a journalist would die on it’s ass because it WOULD just be derivative of Lois Lane.

I mean Jesus Christ people also deride Black Cat and Norman Osborn for being derivative of Catwoman and Norman Osborn even though they deviate in big ways. But if Spider-Man major love interest/wife literally also became an investigative journalist and primarily interacted with Spider-Man (at least within the context of the main plot) within that role it would literally just be Lois Lane.

“This Mary Jane's problem is one of equal partnership. She's a great, inventive journalist. Sure, she could die on an investigation, considering where she decides to focus her talent, but in her mind, that's no different from a police officer or firefighter dying in the line of duty. The truth is important. This flips the dynamic a bit; her problem is that Peter doesn't acknowledge that she's also right where she needs to be. She's his equal, even if she doesn't have fancy Spider-powers. ”

MJ was Peter’s equal in the comics too.

Being someone’s equal as a person doesn’t mean doing the same job as them, working in the same line of work or directly contributing to the superhero action.

You just need to be an equal in your personality and agency which in-universe MJ has had.

This is to say nothing of how by this logic Alfred, Batman’s FATHER FIGURE, is not his equal or how Ganke Lee in Miles Morales comics wouldn’t really be HIS equal either or how, again, Spider-Man stories do not innately codify the superheroics as MORE important than the normal life stuff.

“It's a great change.”

Yes it is, in the context of a video game.

“This Mary Jane is funny, a bit headstrong, and leaps sometimes before she looks. ”

You mean just like comic book Mary Jane.

“ Comic Mary Jane has many of these facets, but it's tough to get a grasp on what she really wants outside of Peter. ”

Unless you’ve literally read the issue immediately after Peter meets her where she makes it clear she wants to be an actress. Or read any comic in the interim where she wants to have financial security, be taken seriously, reconcile with her family, indulge in/get over her commitment issues, help her cousin, learn psychology, etc.

“Journalism doesn't have to be the answer, but there needs to be one that intersects with the lives of Peter and Spider-Man. ”

No there doesn’t. In the real world couples jobs don’t have to intersect. Many of Peter’s supporting cast members do not have jobs that intersect with his life outside of the fact that they are his friends and/or family. This is true of other heroes too.

MJ being Peter’s friend/girlfriend/wife is enough of a reason for her to intersect in his life and be featured in this stories, beyond that she can be given subplots of her own just like many other characters had.

Two of the best subplots in Spider-Man involved Flash Thompson. One of them was his and Betty Brant’s affair and the other was his struggles with alcoholism. These were problems that for the longest time Peter wasn’t even aware of but they were compelling and entertaining unto themselves because Flash was a great character and we cared because he was Peter’s friend. However these stories also at no point ever really involved Spider-Man’s life. It was strictly confined to the problems of Peter Parker’s world.

MJ’s job can be much the same.

MJ’s normalacy is in fact a MAJOR reason why so many fans love her so much and why so many people love Spider-Man himself.

Why make her more like Lois and her dynamic like that of Lois and Superman, those two characters who famously are awesome but also not as relatable as Spider-Man and MJ!

“With Insomniac's Mary Jane, everything just clicks into place.”

As would it for comic book MJ if you bothered to pay attention.

“The problem here is Marvel never sat down and explained how this worked. Again, Peter's death was the impetus for Miles becoming Spider-Man. In the Ultimate comics, he had the powers long before he actually put on the costume. Miles' creator Brian Michael Bendis never sat down and explained the new backstory before he jumped over to DC Comics. We don't know the specifics of why this version of Miles took up the mantle, the question of his motivations always remains a bit fuzzy.”

No it isn’t. Miles wasn’t REBOOTED into the 616 universe. He was integrated in with everyone’s memories altered around.

His backstory was the same as in the Ultimate Universe he just literally, physically migrated over.

Miles motivations were thus the same albeit undermined from a creative POV.

“When the title of Spider-Man was passed on in the Ultimate universe, that made sense. But the question the Prime universe needs to answer now is: Why do they share the title? ”

Because that was Miles’ chosen title and Peter gave his blessing for it and on a meta-level it is intended to represent how anyone can be Spider-Man.

“Peter has offered it to Miles, but why does this version of Miles want it in return?”

Because Ultimate Peter died and Miles wanted to honour him.

It isn’t the case of he just ALWAYS existed in this universe. You cannot time travel back like 15 years into the 616 Marvel universe and locate baby Miles Morales He literally, physically doesn’t exist there.

“That's really why these new versions of the characters work. I can see what they offer Peter and what he offers them in return. ”

Comic book MJ offered Peter a human connection, a friend, a confidant, someone to support him and companionship.

Why does she need to offer any more than that when in real life no one is hinging their deeper relationships upon the basis of what that person does for them in terms of their jobs or hobbies.

“And that facet is sometimes missing in the Marvel Comics iteration. ”

No it isn’t.

“I see what they offer Peter, but sometimes it's hard to see what they get out of the relationship.”

MJ gets a friend, companion, someone who understands and supports her, someone who helps emotionally fulfil her and make her a better person and sometimes someone who can help her in times of emotional and physical crises.

“Great artists steal, Marvel. The comic publisher is already bringing Insomniac's Spider-Man into the the universe with the upcoming Spider-Geddon crossover (shown below). Now it's time to steal certain facets of the storytelling for the universe. Marvel Comics is stuck with the millstone of continuity around its neck, but that doesn't mean there aren't new directions the company can move Spider-Man and his amazing friends toward. ”

Marvel has never rebooted it’s history since 1961.

DC has done so in varying ways 5 or 6 times.

Marvel outsells DC.

Of all iconic characters owned by DC, Batman’s history has altered the least from one reboot into the next.

Batman outsells every other DC character.

In the 1980s Marvel fans had no access to the internet, few information books or other resources and few reprints with which to catch up upon the 20-25 years worth of history for the characters and of the few resources they did have not everyone had access to them.

Marvel comics sold more physical copies back then than they do now.

The highest selling Marvel titles of the 1980s and 1990s were the X-Men related titles which had objectively the most complicated, convoluted and least accessible .

So STFU about too much continuity oh my God!

#Spider-Man #Spider-Man ps4 #Spider-Man Playstation 4 #Insomniac Spider-Man #insomniac games #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #mary jane watson parker #MJ Watson #Peter Parker

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thedeviousdevilxx · 5 years

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The Appearances of Dionysus

Sometimes Dionysus in ancient art is depicted as an older man, bearded with a leopard skin, usually holding his thyrus (a staff with a pine cone on top) and or with an ivy branch (these are his motifs to identify him in art). Sometimes accompanied by Satrys or Menaeds, or panthers/leopards. I enjoy his short frilly chiton. Dionysus is on his way to steal your women and men with wine and good times.

(Image credit: Agrigento Regional Archaeological Museum. Inv. No. C. 1538)

Other times he’s shown on vase paintings or in statue form a beautiful young man or “youth”. He’s sexy and he knows it.

(image credit: Sitting Dionysos. Neo-Attic relief. Marble. 1st cent. A.D. Inv. No. 6728. Naples, National Archaeological Museum.)

From the Classical Period onward it appears beardless Dionysus was popular, although he still is shown with a beard. So are artists focusing more on his early years as a demigod or simply want to represent him as young and hot because that was the ideal? Because like today, the Ancients celebrated beautiful heroic young men as much as we idealize young and beautiful people aka celebrities.

Next up is not only beardless Dionysus but slightly androgynus and erotic Dionysus some are Roman adaptions or Roman copies of Greek originals. Basically robe(himation) loose, dick out y’all. Had too much wine? He is known in myth and art to be shown explicitly drunk at times needing support. So much for being a model of responsible wine drinking.

(image credit: From Eleusis, Greece. Roman period. Eleusis Archaeological Museum. my-favourite-planet.com)

(image credit: Marble statue of Dionysus from the Temple of Dionysus in Cyrene (Κυρήνη), Libya. ritish Museum. Inv. No. 1861,0725.2 (Sculpture 1476). my-favourite-planet.com

Oh just fyi small dicks were depicted because otherwise it would be TOO erotic and just unseemly. Small dicks represented “sexual restraint”. Not an actual representation of real life genitalia size folks. This I was taught in one of my Roman and Greek history classes when we had a tour of our university’s mini museum and we were told to widely share this information so there.

Also worth mentioning HIS CURLS. Bearded to no the god had glorious curls. No wonder man woman or pirate would lust have him!. Thanks for reading my ramblings. For more information and a neatly collected site of images of Dionysus with more proper descriptions check out here

http://www.my-favourite-planet.de/english/people/d1/dionysus.html

#Dionysus #Greek Gods #Ancient History #Greek mythology

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timdyoungbsmpa5 · 5 years

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Don’t Go To The White Tunnel of Light Soul Trap of Reincarnation After You Die (How to Save Yourself and go to Heavenly Planes)

youtube

My voices to skull synthetic telepathy parasite satanists through the cones and rods images on my eyes could not bestow a world to me or anyone, or through the brain computer interface I have been illegally tortured by for nearly 15 years.

It’s a huge con.

Simply they lie about just about everything. They fake Jesus and Jewish and Mormon and whatever name, but it’s all just satanism & the same plot to enslave every man woman and child. I’m being slow kill exterminated, #cointelpro feds & reptilian exterminated at the same time they falsely accuse. I have Satanic mimics, misdirects, mockers, nano thieves, am satanically disrespect, satanically toped and not just in my head, a survivor of EMF and Reptilian Humanoid Satanic pride, have mind and body direct energy raped, and other Targeted Individual torture.

My black swiss cheese hole exits which no slavery v2k gang stalker and/or mind control slaver will tell you about, got confirmed by a number of good sources.

youtube

The #V2k #RNM and #BCI satanists attacking me, are no better than the perps in Kevin Christian’s Atlanta neighborhood. Electro Magnetic Form and frequency (fake people but real seeming and actually a real human in another location taking on the form of anyone they want) gang stalkers and others are sub human, a national security threat, criminals against creation and civilization itself.

They can’t even get off the meth or do anything good. No, they can’t give you or me or anyone a world but there are nearly unlimited world’s of all kinds out the black swiss cheese holes, we all more or less came through at some point anyway.

I am voting for the whack a mole committee approach to all EMF gang stalkers, CIA and mind control slavers; they deserve punishments that last. You on the other hand deserve rewards that last. Please read and watch below.

They tried to kill me before the info was given (and corroborated) through sincere altruism on my part. I’m a good man, an applied idealist, Buddhist and seek non reincarnation and am very against synthetic telepathy mind control slavery.

References:

Psi Ops Researcher and Expert: @CounterDarkness on twitter

Website: https://www.counterdarkness.org

#ReptilianHumanoids Researcher and Expert: @davidicke on Twitter

Website: https://www.davidicke.com

#NanoAI #v2k #RNM #BCI computers connecting to humans or #transhumanism Researcher and Expert:

@DeepThoughtNews on Twitter

Website: https://deepthoughtnews.wordpress.com

Escape Earth After Death Corroborating Researcher and Expert: Wes Penre

Website: http://www.wespenre.com

Targeted Individual Research: http://targetedindividualsua.weebly.com/

I hate religion especially satanism, complex satanism. I’m being exterminated and my sex organs attacked for 5 years, use high powered magnets around private parts for protection. Their goal for any TI is homeless suicide, it’s cointelpro and trillions in satanism & federal projects not just “my neighbors”. Also you can get bio hacking software off the dark web for your cell phone and direct energy weapons are being used on many Americans.

These are psi ops and those are full of cohersive lies. Shape shifters been following me around for years real or faked reptilian, most faked, and they are protecting magnitudes of trillions in human trafficking and nano slavery.

I was lied to I do not lie and would like justice. They keep us poor tortured and enslaved. They mimic me, steal my work and words and honor through remote neural monitoring and other computer and synthetic mean and give it to EMF gang stalkers & reptilian secretly. I’m a Buddhist Christian by nature DNA threat to their satanism, so they won’t allow me to breed. I refuse to lead the humans to hell. I live there now, they lie about what and where it is. I can’t save you but have a few ideas on how you save yourself.

Question: How do you ruin the human condition in crimes worse than genocide with less than 6 or so words and a 3rd graders vocabulary? You don’t want the spiritual AIDS, remote neural monitoring, voice to skull tech, nano ai infections/human abuse tech that you would rather have an arm off or lobotomy than endure.

In a 1,000 words, since 2004 my life has been basically the following photos. The reptilian were mostly EMF faked and it is what is happening to me and many other TIs.

It’s tech not spiritual actually, fakers, cohesive, fakers. It’s not just mental illness but spiritual slavery past one life, study instant death to avoid getting mislead at moments f death if you are paranoid, infected and precarious like me. I may dynamite my whole head in protest and for freedom. It’s crimes against creation, worse than Hitler and genocide the rnm, v2k, nano tech, transhumanism problems ect and NOT just in my head.

It’s only masked as mental illness, there never was a problem with my biology or blood, DNA and they are exterminating us in slow kills. There really was no other world that was a lie I was told in psi ops and retold on social media while under mind control. All this is terrorism at me and Oregon, the USA and world; same plot to enslave every man woman and child. No “religion” will save us.

The reptoids who get high off human suffering (feed) access our minds and bodies illegally with tech and it’s literally hell on earth, negative energy feeding, involving the pituitary glad. I get fed off and they steal my thought too. And they fake demonic possession to discredit TIs.

I choose blanket forgiveness for all mammal human peers and here is a solid plan B that never changes in the video on how to save yourself linked above. I love you peer mammal humans. They USA did not have God & invented satan instead I am convinced. I’m leaving earth after death, I never was satan, satanic, an anti christ or anything bad.

I’ve been made a mind control nano slave and God never damned me. It was the feds and others, synthetically.

At moments of death if you are infected with spiritual slavery tech like I am and have a nano infection, remote neural monitored, voice to skull argeted individual, a victim of the spiritual slavery crimes against creation and fear getting mislead in the dream world bardo state of mind, fear getting tricked into reincarnation on the moon, Saturn, the sun or otherwise I am personally considering dynamite to the whole head or lots of electrical energy for death. A bardo is a sliver of a moment, head lives a long time while dying & snakes & others may mislead you to 4th plane/frequency/dimension.

I don’t want that and plan to study star charts like to Andromeda or to live with the grays maybe, rise above this hellish life. It may be as simple as just going up and out of the solar system regardless of rnm v2k nano ai infection I should say also.

I want to be free, saved and I think that means evacuating earth after we die one by one though the black swiss cheese hole structures around the criminal compound solar system. You were never the criminals, the reptoids and others (aliens, AI, etc) taking advantage of you in 3d forms and 5 senses were.

The spiritual slavery system started in the US under the guise of national pride, parts of the UK circa 2017 allegedly infected and frankly anything religious is just a distraction from the nuts and bolts issues. I have parasites, it’s not an over use of the term. I’m not God and they never were. This is prisoner for satanic gods not you. They can replace people just for moments without us knowing and posses people with tech without them knowing.

Reptoids and other aliens get high off your suffering (negative energy directly from the penial gland allegedly) and deny you the energy/love you have normally in full inter-dimensional form, I understand.

The only solution is to evacuate one by one after death, it’s a plot to enslave every man woman and child. You don’t have to come. The boomers may recall that historical quote. I’m on the side of just 3d 5 sense folks and scientists that don’t even study these fields that feel it’s time to abandon earth even from their perspectives.

If it’s bad and about me it is a lie, they even tried to project monarch me and of course that is not going to work. I’m not and never was a sex criminal or criminal, and they are killing off a holy line arguably. I’m fairly brilliant in some areas, naturally smart, well educated and a little wiser. But this is about all of us, not just a fairly cool nerd from the north west.

They are trying to make an obtuse and malevolent God out of the surveillance but it’s really satanism. I have satanic mimics, satanic toppers, nano thieves, satanic misdirects, the gang stalkers use satanic repeaters & suggest for brainwashing, satanic mockers and nano thrived from. I’m an MkUltra tortured slave, gang stalked, remote mural monitored, they want a no touch kill of me and my family has been attacked. I am exposed to all kinds of satanic pride and ironically am a victim of satanic disrespect (victim not perp). They steal all my honor and make sure I am disrespected and lied about. I am actually rather good, deep state attacks and mockingbird is misleading through media and music. Chakra tortures and other unholy deeds I have endured. Found a means of escape too after I die, wanted to pass it on. I won’t go to hell, I live their now artificially bio hacked. You want to leave earth. You want to get out NOT, in. In is into a gang of stalkers, they never say what they really mean.

I’ve dealt with these crimes against creation for 14 years approaching 39 but over the last two years or so project mockingbird was introduced on all the radio and tv. I even hear video games about over a year ago, people are being mislead. None of it is God. I won’t even watch TV. The tech in my body interacts with mockingbird and it tries to brain wash, mislead, use undue influence. The NSA satanism works with the TV unplugged FYI, never sleep in front of one, consider taking it out of house. The psychosis, spiritual slavery tech is off planet criminal spiritual slavery technology and the reptilian humanoid agenda is my understanding. I was briefed of their invasion in 2013.

For information on research on the species in question, please refer to David Icke. For information on psychological operations with real life consequences I should add, research counter darkness on Twitter and his website. For analysis of the computer science component of all of this and humans, check out deep thought news on transhumanism. A man named Wes P. and others know how to evacuate after death and further, there is a link on being a targeted individual like myself. The Swiss Cheese holes exists in the structure of the universe around earth after death I have confirmed by three sources. It’s how we got in here. I’ve been direct energy EMF gangstalker raped for 5 years and rnm and v2k tortured and worse for 14 years in 2018. All TI infected should consider instant death to the head at death to avoid endless slavery after and at moments of death.

You deserve better, and are better off evacuating after death. Elon Musk * Stephen Hawkings + a fairly cool nerd from Lake Oswego = We need to GTFO off Earth after death and never look back. It’s not hard to get off earth prison, they want you think it is – it isn’t. If they say they are my God or anything especially after I die, RUN, don’t walk away, the are parasite satanic low live dark energy feeders reptilian who mimic me or gang stalkers just faking reptilian. I never had a God in reality. The 4d and 5th dimensions feed of your suffering and all kinds of spiritual and sexual perversions and the gang stalkers call that heaven. It’s actually a dreamland (nightmare) hellscape from what I understand; a baby raping, super violent paradise for the reptoids and as you can image hell for the holy. Women get taken there, tech damned and abused is my understanding. CIA disclosures have allegedly confirmed the soul trap at the moon. I’m not trying to change the reptoids they always win, I’m just one TI. I just don’t want to share a planet with them, wicked smart in no good ways. Only play dumb! Their accumulated civilization’s handle on genetics alone, terrifying frankly.

We are kept to vulnerable and manipulable in the frankly criminal 3d forms. I’m gonna bail and you may never actually know it. Is hard data to collect souls that swiss cheese it out of here, I won’t be sending post cards if you get my drift. You DO not have to follow me.

Same plot to enslave every man woman and child.

Title page of my website they hide from search engines to censor me and fool you - Aware Truther Targeted Tortured Individual Tim D Young BS MPA nearly 15 years strong in synthetic mind control hells on earth, literal. Don't Go To The White Tunnel of Light Soul Trap of Reincarnation After You Die (How to Save Yourself and go to Heavenly Planes)

#"gods" are parasites #"gods" are parasites anonfm 4th dimensional 5th dimensional @Concaide @TimDYoungBSMPA5 a plot to enslave every man woman and chil #anonfm #CIA #NanoAI v2k RNM BCI computers connecting to humans or transhumanism Researcher and Expert #OrPol #1.5 million targeted individuals living in hell on earth in 2018 blackwater estimates #4th dimensional #4th dimensionals #5th dimensional #5th dimensionals #@Concaide #@Level_Infinity_#@TimDYoungBSMPA5 #A fairly cool nerd from the NW #a plot to enslave every man woman and child #a ruined well birth #against new age satanism #against satanic gods #against synthetic telepathy mind control slavery #Against the CIA #against transhumanism #all they do is lie to me #all your gods are devil to decieve #Anonymou5 #anti cults #anti degraded mammal humanoids #anti human trafficking #anti luciferians #anti mind control

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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13x18 watching notes

Hi sorry I’m late I was knitting a very long scarf in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere for a week :D

I just got home, I have tea, and I guess I am doing this

FYI I am closer in relation to a slime jelly than a human being right now

my expectations from 3 days ago were optimistically that this plays into Buckleming's strong spots and with proper care and management perhaps a decent-ish episode could be wrangled out of them if we make the allowance we're non-negotiably watching one of their episodes to start with...

That was the shortest recap Buckleming have probably ever had and it speaks to one of the strengths of this season in a way: the main problems were set in 12x23 and all they need to do is find a way to un-do them and have been making on and off progress all season. With Wayward Sisters and Scoobynatural we had to put a few brakes on it but for the sake of really entertaining side projects, and on the other side of Scoobynatural we can supposedly coast to the end. And so, we get the last spell ingredients in the very next episode and off we go, and what's left is the set up going into this, of a relatively pared down, personal story and like season 8 almost entirely motivated by what Sam and Dean WANT to do and what they are willing to do to achieve that, rather than by having some urgent problem they tangle with on and off.

I hope that the last run of episodes to the end can play out in whatever way it likes, because right now there is very little nonsense from this season that actually matters towards the main plot that isn't directly in play...

though the recap didn't mention Michael or Lucifer and we'd be so lucky if Buckleming didn't write them :P

they didn't use the apocalypse AU set but went for an outdoors version of the world... Nuclear winter maybe?? It seems like the angels and demons have a specific battlefield and in 13x14 we saw the woods where Bobby had a camp... I think this world might be in a terrible state but the natural world at least might be untouched, where it didn't have too much human influence... Who knows.

Have to explain the Vancouver snow somehow anyways :P

Ketch is still beat up looking from his fight with Asmodeus although I don't even want to match his injury level now vs what was supposedly a few hours ago at most where Asmodeus was kicking the snot out of him in a rib-breaking sort of way. The light here also has made Dean look exceptionally attractive even by his standards.

In any case Ketch is wavering along a fine line of am i here to steal jack for power or save Mary because I still have a confusing boner for her in my heart or am I just here to save myself and be a dick... the usual kind of thing. I am assuming they're gonna play at least a degree of redemption with him but it makes it interesting in reverse to Jack that it teases he may go dark but he's ultimately a sweetie... Ketch is a dick through and through but they can tease the different paths he might take. From Buckleming's POV, redeeming him before he inevitably will be killed off again might be a sense of completing his story. I remain grumbly and annoyed he's back at all, and there are some boringly predictable paths he may take so I kind of hope he doesn't, or that the final writing of him falls to some other writer.

Still. This may or may not be a first chance to kill him off and "justify" bringing him back...

"She will kill you... again."

Uhoh, angels. I feel like we might be about to meet a surprise face here... i suppose among either the angels or the humans, because any one of these angels could be a named character from seasons 4-12 brought back on a whim - including up to AU!Cas doing his job. And then the humans have their heads in bags

well it's not the first 2 humans

oh look the smaller human with the long red hair was the small human with the long red hair.

Welp.

Look, this literally does not erase a single thing that they did in 10x21 and they can NOT buy that back, but at the same time I am glad on a wider level to see her again. I wish it was not Buckleming because I just can't trust them to be doing this for any reason other than people were angry and they are throwing peanuts at us and I have 0 expectation they'll have a progressive agenda or write Charlie particularly interestingly or well.

But if it puts her back into the story and she doesn't die...

I should ask Mittens that actually :P

Okay, Mittens confirms I do not have to watch her die again.

Anyway. I doubt lessons are really learned on their end in their specific minds, which is all I actually want. I mean, Charlie could stay dead if we got a "we're sorry and we finally understand the problem and we were dicks but we'll try better" from Buckleming, and I feel like this is just literally beyond their capability with what we know about them vs fan interaction, and I doubt Dabb could twist their arms on that and have anything meaningful sink in. And so I will accept surface level that it's nice to see her again in some form but I don't have to like or forgive BL for doing this, and I can fully mistrust their motives, but like... whatever

Mary and Charlie have met, which means me writing shippy fic about them once upon a time kinda pays off.

I mean, that also implies she's a friend of Bobby's which is kinda sad because they only crossed paths in 7x20 and he broke her arm.

Also wait, as well, Buckleming brought back AU!Kevin, another character they killed and was really crappy because boo killing off the show's meagre representation and especially more meagre representation among main-ish secondary characters (i.e. anyone who has at least 2-3 episodes, on this show :P)

In that case it was a LOT more like they were doing it because it was a part of the plot, as with Benny, but Charlie was wildly egregious, and Eileen just plain infuriating and recent enough it felt clear that they had NOT learned their lesson and really had no intention of doing so. Bringing back both Charlie and Kevin means, honestly, that I can practically see the peanuts they're hurling at us with the intention of shutting us up.

Anyway yay Cas n Sam hang out times

"And Misha Collins" flashes up on the screen, superimposed over Cas.

my lizard brain: "Oh good, Cas is in this episode"

i tired

At this point, Cas and Sam bickering over Dean as siblings and brothers in law is just... so completely commonplace it slips my mind to comment on it, whereas once upon a time I would have been wildly excited just to see it, the fact of their dynamic is deliciously cemented, and I'm just happy they're hanging out now :P

I still think Sam might have had better luck reminding Gabriel of the FUN things he did to them rather than the heroic tragic supposed death which was really just, well... whatever it was, if this is the real Gabriel

Why do I feel like Sam giving him his grace is a bad idea?

Also... why has he got it on a bandana in a serving dish? Is this just because it's kinda vaguely funny, or because it was making a low whistling noise the entire time and he covered it up because it was starting to set his teeth on edge? I mean, like... what is going on here... I'm just using the cues they give us :P

Let the choo choo in

Cas learned a lot about how to handle infants when he was reading up on what to do about raising Jack. It's almost sad he doesn't have a baby to mess around with. I just spent a week with a baby and spent most of it trying to make him say "Marmoset" as his first word.

It's also wildly distracting in a hilarious way from wondering WHY Gabriel is so scared of supposedly his own grace. Maybe being what he once was, or becoming something he doesn't want to be.

Cas did the exact same thing when Crowley was trying to make him eat Adina's grace, although in that case Crowley was like omg shut up I already killed her, and you need to go save Dean for the both of us so just do it and die later, asshole, and Cas opened up with the right motivation. Choo choo.

Anyway you would freaking think SAMUEL AND CASTIEL WINCHESTER of all people would NOT try and force a foreign powerful substance into someone else's mouth when they didn't seem to want it

Jo!! Hey babe, how's running Heaven going?

Well, she has to manage this dumbass so not well, apparently. There's presumably only so much she can get out of it when he just wants to play solitaire or "strip poker" with her... (playing with himself vs playing with someone else... is it a metaphor for him just sitting in his room jerking it while she does all the work? :P) but anyways... i love the image of his stupid pointy throne like hurr blurr look at me I run heaven and she's got a practical comfy chair next to it to sit and like... actually run heaven :P

Her "out" sounds like she was definitely off doing whatever she could, and both of them are reading/pretending the other was doing nothing, while Lucifer was BLATANTLY doing nothing and has no interest in doing it, while she needs the symbol of being attached to him to get what SHE needs, aka actual power and ruling Heaven, and clearly has run into a problem she can't deal with, without having Lucifer standing next to her.

You know, like how they say to bring a man when you go car shopping because you'll get a better deal and not get ripped off

mittensmorgul side note: EVEN HEAVEN'S COLDEST ROOM HAS A SOFA BUT NOT THE DEAN CAVE #MadAboutIt

elizabethrobertajones You know that was the very next thing I was going to type

Lucifer uses Dumas to neg Jo about how she should be happy to be his "first lady" of Heaven, focusing on the me me me me side of the problem, grumbling about their relationship and how she's nagging him as a way of her showing disrespect etc

In this case I think Buckleming MAY be hitting the right note, maybe even on the side of too heavily, of Lucifer as the useless entitled male and Jo as the smart competent woman with her shit together... I mean, to the point where I'm ASSUMING we're on Jo's side but it might be one of those things where they literally do think it's funny to make her nag lucifer and they're on his side but I'm so wildly feminist compared to them that I literally can not read this scene from any side but rooting for her first, Dumas second, literally any other angel who might walk through the door third, and finally and firmly last, Lucifer

I mean, Lucifer is literally draining Jo for power and is presumably at this point completely dependant on her since they may be doing a drug metaphor again, especially an implication that angel grace is addictive, re: Asmodeus (and what a nice throwback to Cas and how strong he was to resist it with all his heart when it was destroying him but also to say how TOXIC being an angel really is, perhaps also re: where we're going with Gabriel)... And yet he still claims Dumas rules in his favour when she answers neutrally, showing him choosing to make a wilfully wrong interpretation to back up what he wants to see. Aka this is not a metaphor for anyone in power right now and throwing around the word "first lady" in this scene means nothing? :P

Dumas tries to remind Lucifer that he said he could make angels and he's like no go away and get Jack.. reeeally starting to doubt that he can do it

lol "your father created. you inherited"

Sister Jo is amazing and also I think I witnessed Buckleming shitting on Trump for a whole scene and I'm actually kind of amazed and horrified we agree on an extremely broad and obvious political issue

Asmodeus has those balls you spin around to strengthen your hand... on the other hand hehe he's playing with balls

we're going from the all-white heaven throne room with the asshole devil sitting on it, to the dark hell throne room with the all-white angel grace addicted demon sitting on it. This is actually a reasonably good scene transition and in general so far this episode has been weirdly well paced to the 9 minute mark at least, with a well-placed title card reveal, a how are sam n cas scene after and then the 2 sides of thrones one after the other, showing how the seats of power are doing right now...

not sure how long this LASTS but good editing may one day save us from the Buckleming nonsense if someone would just be sterner with it. There's so much in their episodes I could chop out...

Also, Asmodeus is getting more interesting, twitchy and fidgeting now he's in withdrawal, and well aware that the grace was the only thing making him remotely a power player.

lol @ dean letting branches hit Ketch as they go

in fact I'm headcanoning that he turned around and noticed him missing because he didn't hear the satisfying "thwap" of another thorn hitting him in the face and had to look to see what happened

oh, nothing dramatic, just Ketch being a drama queen. Anyway, it was more of an incentive to start that argument than them just getting into it at random while walking so... kudos for introducing a scene with more than "we are talking about this now because we are"

Dean leads with that they're looking for Charlie because she's seen Mary, then she's seen Jack, and "we need her" - a clear practical motivation. Ketch counters that there is a different, personal reason to want her saved. A use your words correctly moment.

Aaand now Dean's been shot by a slaver... the AU is fun

Oh, this is a different bedroom set with no stairs, probably so they could ruin it by painting all over it. I wonder if Gabriel manifested this, because idk if they'd have left him the resources :P

"It's his story, starting with his death" - a nice person translated some of it and found it WAS Bible verses relating to Gabriel, but the question is that this is going to tell us something different. The set people write a different story than the script, especially as there's no bible verse for 5x18 :P

Oh good, so even if Gabriel isn't speaking, we're getting his words, in a way, including with snark about how Lucifer has half his brains, which in 5x18 seemed debatable that he might be whiny but did actually have a big old apocalypse going, but by now with Lucifer reduced to rubble in terms of being actually frightening, effective, or driven, all the archangels are diminished one way or another, including Gabriel himself. But his words betray the personality underneath lives on and is around and maybe retrievable, as there is snark within this writing, even if outwardly, Gabriel is a mess.

I mean.

I type this as someone who is so tired I can't speak without getting every sentence backwards and I have half-lidded eyes, am utterly depleted to the point I can barely walk, but inwardly, typey typey chatty chatty and I can still get much more advanced words out if I don't have to move anything other than my fingers and no running the words through the mouth. I am essentially borderline catatonic yet inwardly full of words and snark :P

(I just travelled like 150 miles today after a week of touristing and these things don't stack well with chronic fatigue)

Also to get this read, we need lots of close ups of Cas's hands touchy touchy... I like this. Cas likes to touchy touchy and we get to see close ups of his hands. Everyone wins

and by everyone i mean don't imagine cas reading dean's face like this

"Gabriel was gone, and suddenly, I was free - no obligation to God, or Heaven, or mankind."

("And so I did what anyone would do. I moved to Monte Carlo and shacked up with pornstars.")

The first line - epic. The second... lol. Gabriel's tastes have been compared to Dean's since we met the Trickster - they even bonded a lil over his sense of humour and the babes he conjured for Dean in the final confrontation. I was musing on some reverse verse art and realised angel!Dean written with no hang ups would be remarkably like fanon!Gabe, which just put me even more off Sabriel. In any case there was always a direct line between him and Dean. Of course, Dean literally has also crossed off his bucket list sleeping with a favourite porn star, so though chronologically it seems Gabriel got there first, it's another Dean trait being handed to him.

But on the other hand... back to the serious line... he DOES have hang ups, and he has the same angel hang ups that Cas does. This is the comparison of what they did after the apocalypse, and the diverging paths they were on. Cas felt this obligation to God and Heaven which played an overall part in his downfall in season 6 - 6x20 hammering home that he's waiting for God to tell him no before he does the thing, and in that moment of despair of missing the sign, he goes and does it. Cas has been struggling with this a long time and this is another thing along with the Sister Jo storyline and the stuff she said to Lucifer in 13x13 about feeling human, that picks up where we were in season 10 with Cas and the human arc and so on, and how he relates to being an angel. The sense of burden and obligation, his restraint from doing stuff like naffing off to hook up always obvious because we had Balthazar in 6x03 advising him to do what he had done, and what now we know for sure Gabriel was busy doing in the same time, only much better at staying under the radar about it.

Cas has never faked his death but he has died time and time again and each time he rises once more with an obligation and duty... and this time he's determined to work out WHY he was brought back, but see also rambles in 13x14 re: no you dummy you were brought back because your family loves you and wants you around, not because you HAVE to do anything, so stop running around trying to find that purpose and do what you want because you want to do it.

... but you know, do Dean instead of pornstars

"He goes on and on about pornstars"

*Sam looks utterly grossed out* "Cas, please..."

Cas is a good egg, he and Sam don't need to know the deets so he skips over an entire wall

what's with Lucifer's suit? I know I'm supposed to be all fashion meta-y but honestly all I got is "it's boring and black and with the sunglasses he's obviously a douche and evil but is he supposed to look like one of the MIB?"

mittensmorgul He's playing that other Lucifer, the one who moved to LA to solve crimes? Maybe?

elizabethrobertajones ooh is that a thing? :P hahahaha

mittensmorgul either that, or my first thought was heck he thinks he's one of the Blues Brothers "We're on a mission from God."

elizabethrobertajones yeah it looks a lot like that their whole thing was - originally - to do something to help a priest, right? I only watched half the movie

mittensmorgul YEP

mittensmorgul well it was an orphanage they were raised in that they were trying to save, run by Sister Mary Stigmata

elizabethrobertajones anyway I never watched enough to know if they were truly misguided or did something good and their nonsense was just them being nonsensical :P like, I know they were raising chaos but did they do it? you said "trying" to save >.>

mittensmorgul yeah, all sorts of wacky circumstances try to prevent them from putting on a fundraiser concert to save the orphanage (including the police, neo-nazis... all sorts of "evil") but the end of the movie is the concert, and they save the day Let the Good Times Roll as it were (Lucifer, however, failed to pull the trick off and gave up)

elizabethrobertajones yay :D so the reference could be that he's trying to do good like they are but continues to be a total fail whale

He tries to listen to prayers, and after like 3 seconds decides it's awful and he hates it when it's just people "whining" and begging for help - this is an ongoing part of his comparison to human!Cas, when Cas went to the church and dealt with faith from the other end, being the petitioner instead (having already been God at this point :P). The Buckleming vs faith stuff is a surprisingly good and consistent thing, and other notable moments are Dean's confession in season 10 and Amara being affronted by the Church in season 11.

Lucifer tunes in on a random exorcism instead, probably because he thinks it's more fun.

Poor random demon (Anthony?)... that would ruin your day.

I mean, technically he did exorcise the girl...

Probably should have just claimed to be God, not Lucifer. If you wanted to impress them. Now it just looks like these priests have a bigger problem on their hands...

Yep that went about as well as it could go. You need to stop... melting people..

oh what do I care

Anyway Lucifer has no self control because tantrumy child blah blah blah

I took a break to catch my mum up on 13x17 and wow it really rubs it home how Heaven and Hell are being manned by performing buffoons with none of the skills to do the job. Asmodeus is a loser and not even juicing himself up has made him anything more this season, summed up best in an episode where he's entirely absent and Cas's response to being imprisoned is weary eye rolling... and Lucifer is just playing at being his dad, while continuing on the path of revealing his temperament to make it impossible for him to rule effectively...

lol Ketch is so out of the game: "these... I don't even recognise" *Dean opens his gun to reveal the angel killing bullets*

You gotta play to keep up

"You don't look good."

"Well, you're not my type either."

Dean remembers last season, huh? He is pretty on the ball about not getting seduced that time and knows Ketch would do it at the drop of a hat to get what he wants from Dean.

see also: top bunk and Dean agreeing subtext from last episode

basically: Dean is still a small amount vulnerable to Ketch's seduction depending on his leverage, despite everything Dean knows about him, and that's enough to put up the barrier. Especially when he's hurt.

Oh no, Ketch asking Dean what's up with Charlie anyways and guesses "she broke your heart" and Dean symbolically collapses.

Literally what happens to Dean between 10x21 and 10x22

... okay metaphorically

I mean platonic heart breaking

I find it literally impossible not to mentally insert the feeling that Ketch killed Charlie in another lifetime and doesn't remember it and Dean is struggling with that, but Ketch genuinely has no idea, but he has become such an avatar of Buckleming nonsense in my head that I can not disengage him from the concept of dead Charlie - because also MAGDA poor lil duckie - and as such I feel a sort of all-purpose Buckleming rage directed at both the concept of Charlie's death and Ketch speaking on their behalf, which ends up in a very weird cross-purposes where I am struggling to read the story accurately, which is to say, that Ketch is genuinely innocent and just being annoying, rather than actually responsible.

Don't watch stuff this tired, kids

And, of course, immediately after establishing that Dean is somewhat vulnerable to Ketch's seductions, he swoons and Ketch comes running to check his temperature and open his clothes to check his wound

#manly bonding in the woods

guys, this is what Ketch WANTED to engineer in 12x14 but couldn't get his shit together to be human enough to actually do the things that turn Dean on

like... heal him

*cough*

Not saying that there's a serious danger Dean will be seduced. However, Dean wounded in the woods for the sake of Ketch taking care of him is a fan fic concept and as contrived homoeroticism as the #manly sweat lodge episode with Cole.

"How's it look, mom?"

You guys have the most fucked up thing ever and I refuse to engage and you can't make me

Is cas healing gabriel or reading his mind aka more invasive stuff

oh good, he is trying to heal Gabriel despite thinking it's impossible. He's trying to "jolt his mind into thinking straight"

I am curious about how we have no Sam n Cas elsewhere aside from the one argument. We've had several scenes with them now, enough to see the pattern that they appear to be focussed on Gabriel more like they are the side characters to his return, but being used to explore it and we are just getting them mostly as actors to his recovery, rather than their own feelings about what it means for him to be back and if they trust his story and so on

Sam looks distressed that Cas thinks that they can't bring Gabriel back to himself. Considering they have the grace they need to open the portal, it seems he genuinely does feel bad for the guy, and even if he didn't die on their behalf and buggered off to live the high life after telling them how to sort the apocalypse out from afar, he did enough that Sam feels genuinely grateful to him.

It's also possible that he's dealt with Dean enough to see right through his shit, and of course there's plenty of parallels to trauma Sam has been though. Gabriel looks like the version of Sam in 6x22 who remembered Hell, and that's more than enough for Sam to sympathise, especially with the bonding scene with him and Rowena in 13x12. All told, there's enough here to say Sam is deeply invested in the SUBTEXT if you know the character history

just... idk... I would prefer some Sam n Cas talk about it away from Gabriel to get more of a sense of it, and I hope that scene is coming but I'm worried it won't

Ketch seems to still be determined to fix Dean

Mmmhm.

Sorry that was a "if I had energy I would be rolling on the floor laughing at the #manly healing in the woods camera angles, like I did with 10x15, but as it is I have no energy so a raised eyebrow and low "i see you" noise in my throat will do" comment

We now also have a back and forth at least here with healing Dean and trying to get through to Gabriel. Sam is alone with him now. I think this is where we will see that speech from the promos.

Sam shuts out Cas as a purely symbolic gesture

dude can hear through walls and if the last time you two were chilling in the bunker for an episode is any indication, SEE through them too

side note: see also 9x11 for Dean x Crowley and Crowley's play at seduction, including the gross fatherly overtones to go with it

With context, Sam starting from the point that Gabriel has to dig himself out of the hole seems to reference 6x22 even more directly. He sees where Gabriel is and he's got direct experience from having his psyche broken and going catatonic. This room is playing the part of the panic room - the Bunker now can split between dungeon and bedrooms depending on how people relate to the Winchesters. Gabriel can be kept here instead of in the dungeon because they deem him good. Sam being kept in the panic room was for his own sake, but it still seemed sort of imprison-y, but then, also paralleled 4x22.

Anyways.

"You think it's safer inside. No more torture, no more pain. No more... expectations."

Look, Sam, it's lovely of you, but you are one rare cookie who voluntarily clambered over your broken wall and took back all the fucked up parts of yourself to be whole again

Oh boy now Sam is talking about how he's nothing like his dad and family and the whole comparison between the two of them that appeared when Gabriel was revealed as more than the Trickster. How they both ran away from their lives.

Sam's colour palette in his plaid exactly matches the walls and the writing on them

"And then my family needed me" (Dad's on a hunting trip...) "and this is my life. No matter how many times I try to fight it, this is what I was put here to do"

Like Cas, he has sought meaning in a "why meeeeee" way, and come to conclude, through more natural deduction than most have at hand due to their high connection to the cosmos, that where they are and what they're doing is their divinely ordained purpose

interestingly, in 13x05 Dean was told this about himself, and he's the only one we know for sure IS supposed to still be doing a job, per the cosmos, while Cas and Sam both have decided for themselves that it is what they're supposed to be doing. With dramatic irony, we know Cas is wrong due to 13x03, but Sam's is entirely more complicated and an entire essay on his character and where he is now in relation to his job and family and whether he feels obligated etc, but at the end of the day, I feel like this shows both that he is mostly content to do this - but always historically more likely to say it's because it's what Dean does and without Dean he wouldn't be doing it (see also: dad's on a hunting trip) but this always leaves open the concept that Sam still feels like at his core he's not entirely built for this life and there's a lil part of him that is still oriented towards normality, that he still has an itch that might follow him to his grave about living a somewhat normal life.

As I have talked about this a lot I will stop here, but in any case, technically nothing new, but Sam phrasing some stuff that I have analysed about him a lot and it's always nice to hear your ideas repeated on screen :D

"Sure, hookers and monte carlo sounds great" dude, sam. PORN STARS. not hookers. Have some respect, man!

Trust Gabriel to set it up so Sam's big emotional speech needs that interjection. Always fucking with him :D

Sam's getting to the speech about making the world a better place and being needed - the need/want thing is very interesting in this context that Sam has reached out to Gabriel via not wanting to help, having a sense of wanting to be elsewhere and wanting to be free, but then saying they NEED to save the world and make it a better place, and that there are external pressures like family that NEED them there.

It makes Dean's "need" in 8x17 SO horrifically personal in context it makes me weep

since I didn't write down a sneaking suspicion it was Charlie in time, I am taking the big cookie for calling Gabriel's first words, after being so freaking annoyed about not knowing them last episode, and waiting to see what they'd be this episode... "Porn stars. They were porn stars, Sam."

I mean, thematically, use the right words, but also hahahaha I totally got Gabriel's line and intent down perfectly :D

Anyway. Big cookie because last episode I was chattering about how either they'd be epic, or they'd be ridiculous, and we got ridiculous: after the Trickster lost his voice, the only way it could come back was being left an opening to say "porn stars" as his first words back.

I'm so happy

eeeep the Bunker doesn't seem to be built to contain archangel nonsense

or Buckleming forgot

who knows

maybe Asmodeus got the same confusing 20 mile radius as everyone else... he's gonna go stand in a corn field and look around like "... where are you?"

Dean full on sweet potatoes face plants

Ketch is still bothering him about Charlie which is still making me feel like he murdered her in a past life and symbolically he fkin did and I think on some deep down metafuckery level Dean knows that.

Ketch tries to suggest AU Charlie would tell the angels what they want to know and Dean's like, I know my Queen, she would never in a million billion universes do that. She's a Good Egg.

"Charlie was like family. She was a sister to me. She did more for me and Sam than I could ever say. And she was butchered by these fucking writers, and we couldn't get there in time. And I - "

Dean knows he failed her, just like he failed Kevin. He should rescue AU Kevin while they're at it.

Yeah yeah show me the bathtub, you're not fuckin tugging these heart strings, you're tugging the "I will punch you in the face" strings

Then Ketch is all full of regret about people he didn't TRY to save. "Duty, and all that." Asmodeus really broke him, but he broke him in the direction that Ketch was ALREADY broken by the BMoL, and Ketch clearly is adrift and seeking a different path - there's something about his story which is not Cas-like but still has a shade of it - he has fallen from his organisation in dishonour, but he didn't even do that right, he just failed to be as big a dick as he could have been, was killed by people who righteously were pissed off with him, and when he popped back up he went undercover and sold his services to a high bidder, to distract from his lack of purpose, only to realise he did have some sense of morality after all, even if it had initially enormous lines like "oh shit, literal lucifer" rather than nuances, but now he is reflecting on what at the time was duty and now seems failure - his Lily Sunder moments, but again... knowing he was a dick literally right up until just now when he's suddenly turning his life around.

And blah about analysing him much more. Watching 13x17 in the middle of this episode has been confusing about my Ketchmodeus resistance/feelings, as I am now genuinely curious about them and the part they play in this story, even if intellectually I'm like "Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" to the entire concept.

"Well, you do suck."

Glad Dean is here to keep us on the right track, re: cool motive still murder :P

"Perhaps rescuing this Charlie will wash some of the stain off my hands."

look, Dabb, whoever, thanks but really, I am good over here loathing Buckleming. Get them to write a signed and sealed letter to prove they are behind this and mean it, and maybe I'll accept it as a meta commentary from their mouths. In the mean time, yes, this can be a line for the greater show, but these 2 writers are not getting sympathy without me being certain they mean it.

Dean bumps Ketch on the shoulder, all friendly like. Welp. He's dead. It was a punch, not a pat. Gentle, but.

Heee, Charlie (Celeste?) saying "Bite me"

tbh I should call her Celeste. I have no idea what name she's been using but Charlie was just an alter ego and I KNOW she was born Celeste Middleton if I don't know anything else about her. Charlie is really only a name she uses because Sam n Dean know it and care about her as Charlie

Anyway, it's the "fuck off" club

Okay, seems Asmodeus asked around/looked in Crowley's diary and found out where Sam n Dean live, and what "within 20 miles of Lebanon, Kansas" generally means when some fuckery is afoot, and just phoned Sam up rather than go right there.

Importantly, Sam has been chatting to Asmodeus for the entire time minus a week in the Bad Place AU between 13x07 and 13x13 as he was carrying the bulk of the communications with "Cas"

Also, yellow eyed demons are kinda scary, especially when you don't have a Colt and have an entire life time trauma caused by the bro of this guy

Oh pfft Lucifer is in this episode.

Oh! Sister Jo! Hi!!!! <3

She's sitting on the sofa and making me feel sulky about sofas and their general existence around here.

Asmodeus was also sitting with his feet up and had a pattern on the sole of his shoes which looks superficially similar to Jo's.

woaaaaah whaaaaaat Lucifer LIED about being able to make angels and give 'em back their wings??????????????

So yeah Sister Jo just narrowed her eyes and she's either gonna rip his throat out now or plan bloody murder by the end of the season :P

She's ripping out his throat. Wonderful. Tell it like it is *loads of clapping hands emojis*

GET OFF HER YOU BRUTE

"and now you don't have me" *storms off*

I love her

I can't believe Charlie is using Charlie Bradbury in this AU as well. I mean, I totally can. I wonder if Buckleming even know she's called Celeste :P

I'm still wondering if that angel with all the speaking lines who got away is AU!Cas

"We've got to get you out of here"

"Who the hell are you?"

... Dean you have so many cool lines but you're not being written by Robbie Thomspon, so "no time" will do I suppose

Sam n Cas wandering around the Bunker with the warding failing... uhoh

Cas really does seem to be here because he's in this episode, so far, although the support is nice for Sam I am still feeling like they aren't cashing in on the Sam n Cas dynamic, so even if it's them fighting together, I'd love to see it. I like that they have a comfortable relationship but, and big butt, it's like if there's no ongoing plot between the two of them, Buckleming really can't or won't think of anything for them to say to each other that isn't 100% about the plot.

Honestly there should be a metric where in episodes with Sam n Cas they talk about something other than Dean or the plot, which even Buckleming do pass and others fail - like the crappy car exchange in 11x03. But, like. Should be a regular function of if they're in an episode together in the same scenes, they can at least, like... exchange pleasantries.

I wonder if we can see the warding because Cas can see it or if Sam can too. I'm headcanoning Cas POV unless proven otherwise

I am pretty sure I just saw Cas get knocked on his back and in the very next shot be back on his feet and fighting, which means we got both the cas on his back tickbox and also proof it only happens when he's in a bad mood where he stays down??

Asmodeus wanders in like sorry they didn't design the warding for me.

come on, buddy. that's a "I walked out the demon trap because it's boring if I stay in here" line

Interestingly the writing does seem to be genuinely interested in Gabriel being traumatised and showing clearly that Asmodeus is the abuser, so idk if that's a wider picture thing or what because Buckleming kinda suck at considering how people, you know... feel... about things... but it's actually making the entire dynamic entirely more interesting

in any case, I really hope this scene ends with Gabriel saving them thanks to the grace and a lil TLC to help him remember himself but that that's not the end of his Asmodeus fear - which goes to show that even a weak shitty demon can be truly scary when he uses his power to abuse and we can't just say Gabriel is way more powerful than him, why is he scared of him, rather than devaluing it this way... who knows

Anyway. COME ON GABRIEL *cheering wildly despite my initial disappointment in his return* I guess I'm all in now... he's here and I said they'd fuckin make me root for him because I still like Gabriel even if I don't like that he's here right now :P

He looked terrifying while he still had the cuts on his lips and the glowing eyes.

Now he clean!

And he got fluffy wings!

*random power ball throwing bullshit*

*Gabriel like nah*

YAY Asmodeus is dead and it was an extremely satisfying and personally vindicating for Gabriel immolation!

*immediately and permanently stops caring about him as a character*

Bleh, I was wondering about the bit at the start with Charlie deflecting at the maybe maybe not AU Cas angel on the bridge but now she's wondering if Dean n our Charlie were a couple and Dean's like oh no she was into chicks and Charlie's like cool I like her, but does that imply AU Charlie is straight? I mean, in 7x20 she couldn't flirt with the security guard even in a fake way to save her life, but I was hoping the earlier thing was just to show she was tougher in this world.

Bleeeeeh

Charlie has met Mary, who should theoretically be as many years younger than her as Mary is to Dean, as Charlie is the same age as Dean. No wonder she's baffled.

Oh thank god someone stopped Buckleming using Sam n Cas to recap the entire plot of the season so far to Gabriel

I wonder what Gabriel even thinks about it when he drops off the map for 8 years and as soon as he's back, Sam and Cas are like, so. Uh. Michael vs Lucifer and some other shit?

I mean obviously he's leaving, but in a wider meta sense, of, like, do these guys ever stop? The real Michael isn't even around so they get an AU one to bother them!

Cas using the "turn your back on your father's creation" line is weak, but deliberately so, I think. Cas cares very little about anything in terms of Chuck and what he wants and does. Using it on Gabriel is a thin hope that he still cares for the principles he seemed to care about, or that he had searched for God as well as he admitted in 5x08, so perhaps, just a little, it might still sway him to think of it in these terms.

Cas has no conviction on that front, because what has Chuck ever done for him as far as Cas feels, so he can't really use that line on Gabriel and mean it

woah what a surprise, without the weird Ketchmodeus thing going on any more Ketch just wants to stay in the AU who ever would have guessed he likes it here better than cool original flavour earth

He really is banking on Charlie being as good as she's reported to be if he's planning on wandering into a camp with Mary in it like yo I'm here to help

I do like tough!Charlie, though if she's straight!Charlie, I've just gotta hope that growing up in the AU, she never got a chance to learn to be comfortable with herself in that same way and oh noes maybe Mary can help................

Dean doesn't want to lose Charlie again, but he has also to deal with the fact she has Charlie's face but she's not his Charlie, just another Good Egg with her face.

Holy crap he gave his iconic gun to Charlie

TFW catching each other up

...

why do I feel like Dean would be the one to get Gabriel to fight now Sam and Cas totally struck out? I guess there's another Gabriel episode coming up soon soon soon, which will presumably sort this out.

Ah whoops, you need more angel grace, huh?

...I shouldn't tease Sam, as this all sinks in he's looking increasingly upset and I think Cas needs to prop him up right now because last time this happened he nearly turned into a miserable puddle of defeat on the floor

Okay don't yell Dean, we're all stressed and this was all out of everyone's hands... you all made the best decisions in the moment

I feel genuinely uncomfortable with that realisation, especially to think that no one dropped the Buckleming idiot ball and they're using genuine unfortunate circumstances to create the tension whaaaaaaaaat

Dean's reaaaaaaally not doing well either. Cas needs to prop him up too.

In his case, maybe a bubble bath.

Mostly cuz he's really grubby, though.

This is also the first time in a while that they haven't wandered through the Buckleming script looking kinda perturbed, but Jensen is acting his freaking socks off.

Where did this material all come from? I said this set up might play to their strengths and avoid their weaknesses but this is uncomfortably not-terrible.

Also LOVING this shot of Dean with Sam and Cas over his shoulders

Dean better not be thinking of hurting Gabriel just to go back though.

I mean, it's urgent, but... like...

what is Jack up to right now? He and Bobby and Mary are not just sitting on their thumbs.

Next episode is another unholy Rowena & Yockey team up, right? Or is that 20?

Oh gosh we're so near the end of the season.

I'm so tired.

night night.

#13x18 #season 13 spoilers #...#I mean kinda silly when Lizbob is the last one to watch the episode but I tag it anyway out of habit #my stuff

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