#sorry mom actually my job with kids means so much to me that i'm shifting career paths to teach elementary school. so. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dirtj0b · 11 months

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Just like, thinking about learning to interact with other people again after isolating myself for like five years. It's a long post and not important to anyone but me probably, so feel free to ignore it!

Hopefully this works, I'm so excited that they added an easier way to do the read more thing!! I like making long posts, but don't like making people read them.

Sooo... I work a job where I have very little interaction with other people, and it's graveyard shift. My bf doesn't like to interact with others either, so 90% of the time he and my room mate are the only people I interact with for extended periods in person.

This has been going on for about four years. I have pretty bad social anxiety as well, I'm literally afraid of people! I try really hard to move past it, but still... any time I have to talk to literally anyone, I am shaking and sweating and want to cry, even just ordering food or saying excuse me to move past someone. Can't even talk to my own mother without apologizing profusely and having a panic attack, it's bad.

This even extends to friends online! Or responding to things from people I don't know very well. I have a lot of trouble responding to comments on my tiktok, even though they're all super nice. I don't know why...

I used to go to karaoke and force myself to socialize and get up on stage. After I stopped working at the club, it became harder and harder to interact with people, and I learned that the only way to keep on top of the anxiety thing was forcing myself to do it in a fun setting. I dunno. But I wasn't able to do that anymore with my job, and a lot of my friends moving away...

I think, for one of my accommodations, I might ask if I can have one night off a month to go to karaoke with my sister, and see if it helps??

Anyway, the trip! I feel very spoiled. My mom, knowing I had these issues and needed a place to hide, got me my own room. I'm so thankful!!!! But I've been trying to hang out downstairs with everyone else as much as possible, because I missed my family.

I'm trying to also use this as an opportunity to re learn how to interact with other people. I've been talking to strangers and stuff. And you know what? For the most part, everyone has been super nice! Some people are mean, but... way more people are nice. It hurts when someone is short with me, but in such a large place with so many people, inevitably I talk to a nice person again in a few minutes.

I think it's helping! Last night, rather than hiding in my room, I stayed down with my family and watched movies and made stupid jokes. I feel annoying, and embarrassed, but I always do when I talk to literally anyone. I don't think I need to feel that way!

Another thing... I'm scared of children. I'm scared of like, everything! But the noises kids make hurt my ears, and they don't seem to give me any space when I need it.

BUT!! I've been interacting with my nephews a lot during the trip, and it's going well!! Actually, the older one (10?) gave me a little pep talk... they were trying to teach me to play four square, but I kept messing up and apologizing. I didn't know what I was doing, and I felt like I was ruining the game by not catching on fast enough.

Everyone else was kind of like ughhh and stepped away (I'm sorry ;~; ) and my nephew came up and was like, "you don't have to apologize so much, it's just a game. When you're going 'I'm sorry I'm sorry and then say 'I'm having fun, I promise!' I feel like I'm holding you at gun point or something" so we talked about it, oof haha.

I think me apologizing a lot and then trying to explain my issues to people is very off putting to them. I do it trying to be less awkward, but it only makes it worse I think! I am going to try to stop doing it, and see how it goes.

The apologizing thing is going to be really hard. I've done it my whole life!

My childhood was a bit rough, so I had to apologize a lot, and it stuck around when I got older. I have wanted to stop for years, no one likes it, but I just have this constant feeling that I'm doing something wrong when I interact with others. I can't shake it, so I have to actively force myself to not apologize and it's very difficult.

It ends up being a cycle I can't break out of, because if I don't apologize my brain goes "oh wow I'm so unapologetically annoying they'll hate me" but if I do apologize it adds friction to the interaction (and is probably uncomfortable for the other person!)

I'm making an effort now to not do it so much, even though I feel so painfully irritating. I don't know. This is going to be hard. How can I know I'm not making anyone angry?? I'm scared! But I have to try, because apologizing and explaining why I'm acting weird is so not working. I just want to interact normally, without feeling awful and embarrassed afterward.

I joined a voice chat with my friends the night before last and tried not to apologize a bunch, but I felt weird anyway. I ended up nodding off and left the call, but I was more embarrassed about just... joining in the first place even though they're my friends and they were nice to me. No one did anything to make me feel that way, I just always feel like that when I talk to anyone. Even my boyfriend, actually!

I feel like a Sim and every time I have a social interaction we both get a lil red - mark, ugh.

Anyway... I messaged my bf and asked if he wanted to talk on the phone today because I miss him, and he said he would let me know when he was able to talk. I suspect probably we will not get to talk in the phone during this trip. I'm sad about it, but I'm thankful he's messaging me!

YES I know I sound pathetic and shit, but listen. I'm trying my best to heal and improve, okay? I'm doing my absolute best. This is all I have! I don't want to spend my life too afraid to be around people. I'm lonely and I want to enjoy being around my friends and family instead of being afraid of them.

Everyone is trying so hard to include me, I don't want to let them down either. If I apologize and seem sad the whole time, they'll think I'm not having any fun, but I am!! I'm so fucking happy to be here, I'm so happy that despite everything they still invited me and wanted me to come. I'm thrilled that they're trying so hard to include me even though I make it difficult!!

I'm so absolutely lucky to have people in my life who love me despite my issues, and who know I can be better and fun to be around even though I'm all weepy and shit.

I'm going to make a second post about the how trip itself so far, but this stuff is a big deal to me... I just want everyone to know I'm trying!!

#dunno if I'll delete later or not!

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dear--charlie · 1 year

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Dear Charlie,

It's been a minute, hasn't it? I hope this fall season is treating you well. Did you have a nice Halloween? We sort of did. Nic and I had Halloween goody bags set up, and not one child came to our doorstep. We made these scrumptious cupcakes. They tasted delicious, but the recipe could use tweaking. I probably overdo the festivities. I'm only looking to provide treats for sweet kids, like I had received as a kid. We watched Bridesmaids and I felt a lot like Annie. Except, I think where she was in the movie, that was me several years ago. And now, I'm a little better. Ish.

We moved to Smithville a month ago. It's about an hour and a half northeast of San Antonio. While I love the town dearly, (it's actually been remarked as a city. But when I can drive around the entirety of the town in 20 minutes, I'm sorry, but that is a town). Okay, okay. I'll concede. It's a near city. It's rather lovely here. They have little town events, sales, and nearby towns and events to go to. It happens to be 15 minutes from Bastrop, and 45 minutes from Austin.

We made this crazy move because Nic has a new job with Tesla. And, it seems to be going right for him. He gets better benefits, I think for free, and has more days off. So, if he needed to work more hours, I'm sure he could ask. I try to get up with him to make him breakfast and pack a lunch, since it feels good to do these things.

I'm starting new jobs it seems too often. I may have fudged a bit on my resume, but only for the period of times at my jobs, never the skills or experience. A few years ago, my mom suggested I work at a call centre. They tend to pay more, depending where you're going. So, it's a great opportunity, since people are always needed. But, I've come to realize I'm not happy taking call after next, seated on my butt, waiting for the next break or lunch time. And yet, this newest company treats me fairly. Hell, I have benefits beginning today. A dream come true, you would say. I'm realizing my job(s) aren't very fulfilling. And, it doesn't stop there.

In my life, I haven't felt challenged, happy, excited, or seem to enjoy myself. I'm very much aware, that one move to a new town won't magically solve my problems. But I've given more thought to what could help. Despite its low pay, I used to enjoy working at the gas station in San Antonionear my apartment. I loved the many things to do, the people I would say hello to, the variety. I'm realizing I loved and still love keeping busy on my feet. For several reasons, A. Exercise! Which means more energy to do things. B. Staying busy with various tasks helps my ADD brain thats always running. C. It gets me out of the house. But, I haven't felt even remotely happy in any of these call center jobs since my very first one. I worked as a reservation specialist for a major hotel chain you'd recognize in a heartbeat. As much as I hated back to back calls, I loved the variety of the people calling.

I went around town yesterday, asking various businesses if they needed help, but many of them didn't hire outside of their company. I visited the library, gazing around longingly, wishing I could be employed by them. I may have to work on earning my degrees if I want to pursue that route. I checked out 5 books, all of which due in two weeks. I am going to try Dollar General just down the street, and maybe the bank floating teller job I found. I would be a teller on my feet. I would have to dress nicely and count change back. But I haven't felt confident in my appearance since developing this skin condition on my face. I'm sure they are always hiring, so I'll put it off for a bit.

Hopefully, I'll find a job or more that has me on my feet, earning my way up! (Kind of. Retail is notorious for underpaying). I would want the morning shift. I want my late afternoons and evenings to myself. I can practice my baking, perfect recipes, and think of ways to continue developing my hobbies into a side business until I can work for myself and dictate just what I'm looking to do.

But beyond all of this, I'm ... miserable, starved for more human interaction, and accepting I think I'm most definitely at that point in my life, where I need therapy. Funnily enough, I've been reading this book on a therapists journey with receiving therapy during a critical time in her life, while discussing her sessions with her patients (while concealing their names for privacy). It's pretty funny and enlightening in so many ways. Oh, and the books I've checked out from the library seem great. If I can remember, I'll get their titles.

I suppose that's enough for now.

I miss being around people, having friends, and learning new things.

Love,

Mary

8:02 am

Monday, 1st of November, 2022

#dear charlie #Mary

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mad2001-4 · 1 year

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⚠️Trigger Warnings: Mentioned death of family, mention of blood and screaming, PTSD of event, argument ⚠️

Rian's sour moods were notorious around Starhawk, and was something even the rudest members attempted to tip toe around, lest they upset Stakar and Aleta's youngest biological child. Stakar even tried to be accommodating to his son's moods.

But skipping three days worth of shifts was something that the ravager admiral couldn't just let slide completely.

What made it difficult was Rian hadn't been seen anywhere, at least not long enough for Stakar to catch him. He'd be seen in the cafeteria but gone before Stakar could make it down himself, having miraculously slipped away before anyone could actually see, let alone catch where he went.

Stakar had had enough though and was currently stomping through the ship-- his own ship which only succeeded in pissing him off further-- to find his son. It seemed Rian was using all his childhood hidey-holes to his advantage, but he was running out of them. Which was either really bad for Stakar or really bad for Rian, and he'd be dammed if he was going to let it be the former situation. The admiral was climbing up the ladder to the higher decks to a spot he himself would sneak up to now and then as well, where his three oldest children's memorabilia was kept. Upon reaching the latch he pushed it up and open, eyes narrowed as he finally found Rian, tucked away on a little beanbag, cigarette between his lips, and Vic curled up next to him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing up here boy?" he growled, climbing in further finally getting a good look at Rian. Heavy and obvious bags under his eyes and hair disheveled not even bothered to be pulled back in its usual low ponytail.

Rain groaned, leaning his head back, but pulled the cigarette from his mouth and releasing the drag of smoke into the air before he spoke, "Finally found me, old man?"

"Nows not the time to be making fun of me," Stakar growled, "what are you thinking, huh!? Skipping work? The hells the matter with you??"

"Great Anthos, can I not have time to myself when you're not breathing down my neck?? I mean cmon! Is it any wonder why I prefer being on mom's month cycle!?"

"If you like it there so much then why don't you just live there then?" Stakar spat.

"Because she fucking insists I come here to see you, moron!" Rian snapped back pulling his head up to fixate a glare on Stakar, "Because I'm not exactly given a choice!"

"Fine," Stakar huffed, unable to completely fight the notion knowing the first explanation was true, Aleta herself had said that, "What's so terrible about being here then?"

Rian scoffed incredulously, "You're kidding, right? Are you that delusional? Is dementia kicking in?"

"No," Stakar stated firmly, "I want you to tell me. What's so horrible about coming to see me? Huh? I do nothing but try to help you and take care of you and all you ever do is disrespect me over and over and over and I'm about sick of it."

"Right," Rian scoffed again taking in some of the cigarette once more, "because coming to yell at me for not taking care of your ship is soooooo flarkin' helpful. 10 out of 10 stars. Perfect parenting...." Rian sarcastically stated, "You wanna know why I haven't been working?" Rian asked before Stakar had a chance to retort, "Because I haven't slept in 3 days. So please, almighty, great, all knowing father, forgive me if dealing with you and your sorry ass, bitchy crew is not my priority."

Stakar grit his teeth, "Not sleeping sounds like a you problem, Rian. When you're here, you have work and you know that."

"Yeah," Rian snorted finishing his cigarette and immediately lighting another, "my nightmares are my own problem. Cause you'd do a real shitty job in comforting me. You know that?"

"You certainly never complained about it before," Stakar snarked back.

"What, when I was like 5? In case you haven't noticed, I'm 32 now, dad."

"Because you never trust me to help!" Stakar snapped exasperated, "How can I comfort you if you don't let me? You're a grown man, Rian!"

"Why in stars name, why would I let the man who is the reason I have these fucking nightmares in the first place comfort me?? What sense does that make!? I wake up feeling ill most of the time and it's all your fault!"

"You cannot and will not pin all this on me, Rian Ogord," Stakar warned.

"Then who else am I supposed to blame?" Rian demanded.

Stakar shook his head, "You're no innocent party."

Rian stared in shock a few moments, "...No i-innocent party?" he sputtered, "Are you serious!?"

"Why didn't you come home, try to contact someone. Maybe if you had, we could've been there soon enough to save them," Stakar insisted with a nod, "trusting a stranger to help you, putting yourself in danger. Never once contacting home. I'm not the only one at fault Rian. You aren't the only one that suffered."

"No. I just suffered the most," Rian growled, cutting Stskar off before he could speak once more, "you didn't have to stand there and listen to them dying dad! You didn't hear their screams, see their blood. They were screaming for you to save them, and I get to deal with that haunting noise, not you! Every. Fucking. Night. As for why I didn't call home, I was 15-years-old! I was barely a fucking teenager, I was still a kid! A scared kid! They told me they'd kill me too!! And I believed the people who were supposed to protect and love me had sent me and my siblings to our doom!! I thought that you sent me there to die!" Rian's voice grew louder and louder the longer his rant went on, tears down burning at his eyes as his shaky breaths just threatened to become more shallow. He leaned back into the beanbag seat, trying to gain some stability as Vic hopped up to his lap, headbutting his chest to try and soothe him. Rian eased in some kind of sign of defeat, not wanting to argue much further and spur on a legitimate panic attack.

Stakar stood numbed from all the emotions swirling within him, anger and guilt, directed at everyone possible, "...I never would've sent you kids if I knew it was going to be dangerous. I had sent you because I thought it was safe.." he said, admittedly unsure if it was an attempt to defend himself or comfort Rian. It earned a weak snort from his son regardless.

"Yeah. Now I know that. But a teenage kid didn't. You blame me for trusting a stranger too... yeah. I did. It seemed like he valued me. Took care of me. Did what my parents didn't... or so it seemed," he took a long drag of his cigarette, Vic still rubbing him even after he covered his face in his free hand.

"We both wo-"

"I'm not done," Rian growled, "I followed your fucking code despite it all. Hoping if I was good enough, maybe my parents would come save me or some shit. I'd thought I'd done something to make you send me away.."

Stakar sighed softly letting the silence rein for a little bit before moving to sit next to Rian, "I'm sorry we weren't there. We were told you all had died. We were grieving. We all suffered, Rian."

Rian took his turn to sigh, getting rid of his second cigarette in the ash tray, nodding a little bit, "I know you guys did, dad," he relented.

Stakar hesitated again before gently wrapping his arm around Rian. Much to the admiral's surprise, Rian leaned gently against his father, "We'll see you soon... that was the last thing you told all of us.." the son mumbled.

Stakar casted his gaze down, "Yeah... yeah it was," he murmured, resting his chin on top of Rain's head like he used to. Silence settled a bit longer before Stakar added softly, "Get some rest, junior," he hummed, "you'll feel better after. And I won't leave your side for anything in the galaxy."

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skybluewritings · 2 years

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Christmas wishes part 4 fake dating au, Andrew garfield!peter parker x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of sex/death, swearing

word count: 2.9k

Present:

"I'm just warning you now if you think my mom's loud wait until you meet the rest of my family." (Name) mentioned to Peter. "They're sweet just kind of-"

"Alot?" Peter finished.

"Yeah." She sighed.

"I'm right here." Her mom scolded.

She kissed her mom's cheek. "Sorry mom."

Her father had been busy with work leaving (Name), her mother and Peter on the three hour car ride. The 'couple' had shared Peter's earphones during the journey and she had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

"Anything else I need to know?" Peter asked, shifting from one foot to another.

"Her grandfather is an ex mob boss hell bent on revenge." Her mother joked.

"Sounds like a job for spider man don't you think pete?" (Name) pointed out giving her best friend a teasing smile.

"Yes definitely, although I'm pretty sure spider man doesn't go round beating up old people." He smirked.

"Ok quick recap before they open the door." She said. "Remember we've been together for-"

The door swung open a herd of people swarmed them, flurries of hugs and kisses were exchanged. Peter stood off to the side, looking slightly overwhelmed.

"(Name) look how much you've changed, you look beautiful." Her aunt chirped.

"Yes you're practically glowing, you're not pregnant are you?" Her other aunt gasped.

"Definitely not." (Name) chuckled.

She widened her eyes at Peter for him to come to her rescue, but he didn't move.

"Woah now, she's not pregnant." Her mom stated, she leant over to her daughter and lowered her voice. "You're not actually pregnant are you honey?"

"What do you think!" She exclaimed in a hushed tone.

"Any plans for after graduation?" Her uncle chimed in. "Like internships you've applied for?"

"Yes you should apply as soon as possible or you'll be screwed." Her older cousin said, adjusting his stupidly over priced watch.

"Everyone maybe dial it back a little." Her mother advised narrowing her eyes.

Why were they bombaring with so many questions? She had never become so stressed in such a short amount of time.

Her skin prickled. "Uh I'm still thinking about all of it."

(Name) looked over at Peter again 'help me' She mouthed at him. Her 'boyfriend' gave in and strode over throwing an arm around her shoulder.

"Everyone this is Peter my-boyfriend." The word practically wrenched from her mouth. It felt strange to say it.

"Hey everybody." He greeted raising his hand.

"Why were you standing over there, all by yourself?" Her younger cousin asked.

"I was taking everything in?" Peter replied uncertainly.

"You're weird." Her younger cousin said.

"Don't be rude." Her aunt hissed at her cousin. "Darling I can't believe you finally have a boyfriend, good for you." Her aunt praised, with a patronising undertone.

"Thank you." She replied through gritted teeth.

"How long have you been together for?" Her other aunt intereogated.

Shit, they'd been interrupted before they could discuss it.

"6 months." "8 months." They said in unison.

"It's been 6 months but it feels more like 8 months, right baby?" Peter lied.

Butterflies erupted in her stomach at him calling her baby. "Y-yeah. I mean yeah, it's been 6 months and yet I feel like I've known him forever."

"Why don't you kids come inside and meet the grandparents." Her uncle offered ushering the 'couple' inside.

The rest of the family followed alongside them. The house was enormous with polished hardwood floors and a glittering chandelier. She felt Peter's hand slip into hers as they walked side by side. She hoped he couldn't feel her sudden quickening pulse.

They eventually came to a spacious conservatory that overlooked the beach. It was a little embarrassing bringing Peter here, she hoped it didn't seem like she was showing off.

"Mom, dad, look my little girl's only gone and brought a man home." Her mother teased.

"You're hardly a man." (Name) quietly snickered earning a glare from Peter.

An elderly man and woman delightedly moved from their arm chairs to welcome them. (Name) gave Peter's hand a warm squeeze.

"What a pleasure to meet you my dear boy." Her grandfather said, clapping Peter on the shoulder.

"Nice to meet you sir." Peter beamed.

"Dear look at what excellent bone structure he has." Her grandfather said to his wife.

"Why yes indeed!" Her grandmother exclaimed pinching Peter's cheek." These two are going to have such beautiful babies."

Peter looked visibly confused.

"Grandma stop it please." (Name) pleaded.

"Sorry but it's the truth." Her grandmother confessed.

This time Peter squeezed her hand. "I don't think we'll be having children anytime soon."

He nervously laughed.

"And too right, enjoy being young first." Her grandfather told them.

"Let me show you two kids to your room." Her grandmother motioned for them to follow. "No funny business when your up there alone." She said with a wink. Not even the icy december air could cool (Name)'s burning face.

********************************************

She collapsed onto the silk bedspread. "Finally we're alone."

"Until your grandparents holiday party this evening."

"Yay I can't wait to be reintroduced to people I haven't seen since I was five!" She said with mock enthusiasm.

He laughed, falling onto the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry if that was too much for you." She admitted. "You don't have to stay the full weekend if you get uncomfortable."

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm all good don't worry. Besides, I think this could be interesting, like some kind of warped social experiment."

"Hate to break it to you but there's not any pay for it."

"But we're in the hamptons you can surely afford to give me a little something?" He mused.

"I could offer you a kiss. Wanna make out?" She joked, giggling when Peter wrinkled his nose. Was she really joking though?

"Everytime I think I've forgotten about that you always find a way to remind me." He groaned.

"Cause it's funny." She smirked.

"Not when your the one whose idea it first was." He dryly told her.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Well what do you define as funny then?"

"That time where you tried using my skate board and fell flat on your face." He snorted.

She crossed her arms. "It looked easy when you did it, it's not my fault I don't have super powers."

"It doesn't take super powers to ride a skateboard, you just suck at it."

"Shut up." She said lightly smacking his chest.

"No." He grinned.

"I hate you."

"No you don't, you love me really don't you?"

"No." She grinned. Oh if only he knew just how close to the truth he was.

********************************************

(Name) could remember the exact moment she realised she had fallen in love with Peter Parker.

One year ago.......

She had come to terms that she was very much into Peter, whilst he was very much not into her. She had decided to smother the flames of her burgeoning feelings by forcing herself to have feelings for someone else. Because that was definitely healthy!

She had met Tyler at the party Peter and her had gone to when he'd visited. He had been unsuccessfully flirting with her by the drinks counter. She'd only been half-listening to him, choosing to instead eye Peter and the girl he was talking to.

She had reluctantly given Tyler her snapchat at the party and one day decided to pop up to one of his stories. If she was being honest she craved attention from someone who actually wanted her. It's not that there was anything wrong with Tyler. He was nice enough, smart enough, good looking enough. He just wasn't Peter. She was sickened with guilt when she would sometimes imagine it was Peter's hands on her body and not Tyler's.

Tyler and her were exclusive however not official. Tyler was clearly ready to take the next step, she wasn't. She knew exactly what was holding her back.

It was christmas break of her junior year in college. Since Tyler and her were sort of a couple and Tyler's home was coincidentally also in New York, she thought it would be fun to have lunch with both him and Peter.

"It's been twenty-five minutes, where is he?" Tyler sighed checking his phone for the millionth time.

Like usual Peter was ridiculously late, she wouldn't find out for another four months it was because he was Spiderman. The way she would find out would not be so pretty.

"It's Peter, he's always late." She shrugged.

"Well atleast it gives me more time alone with my pretty girl." Tyler simpered grabbing her hand.

"Haha Yeah." She agreed forcing a smile, constantly gazing over at the entrance of the cafe.

Tyler looked directly into her eyes. "I've actually been meaning to ask you something." Fuck, she knew what he was gonna ask. "Will you be my-"

"Peter!" She exclaimed as he thankfully appeared at their table.

"Hey guys." Peter warmly greeted.

He pulled (Name) into a hug, wrapping his arms around her waist. She burrowed her face into his chest, inhaling his intoxicating cologne. God why did he have to smell so good?!

Tyler cleared his throat. "Uh hello?" He asked.

"Oh sorry." She chuckled moving apart from her best friend. "Tyler this Peter my best friend, Peter this is Tyler my..." She desperately searched for the word. "friend."

"Considering we've seen eachother naked I think we're more than friends." Tyler smirked.

"Don't say that!" She stammered.

Peter gave Tyler a strange look as he sat down at the table.

"It's nice to meet you man, I've heard so much about you from (Name). She told me that you do photography, that must be alot of fun. I used to take photos back in highschool." He explained.

"Well I'm actually studying it so." Tyler stated focusing on the menu.

Peter furrowed his brows. " I wasn't trying to compete with you, I was just trying to start a conversation."

"What conversation can we have about photography? I'm experiencing it on a professionally academic level whilst you probably took amateur photos of the school marching band." Tyler scoffed.

Peter glanced at (Name). "Peter's had photos of spiderman published in the daily bugle." She told him pressing her lips in a firm line.

She was starting to see what a bad idea this had been. Tyler wasn't usually jealous but he always acted cold whenever she mentioned her best friend. If she ever wanted to get over Peter she had to make it work with Tyler. Which also meant making it work between Tyler and Peter.

"Ah cool." Tyler responded, clearly not giving a shit. "Tell me Peter where do you go to college?"

"I'm at NYU."

"Hmmm, what made you stay in New York? Couldn't afford to leave."

"Tyler-" She gawked. "NYU is one of the top schools in the US."

"I happen to love New York although I can't say the same for some of the people." Peter wryly commented. She bit the inside of her mouth to stop herseld from bursting out laughing.

She scanned her menu, the sides were creased from how hard she'd been grasping them. "Ooo the ceaser salad here looks delicious." She pointed out.

"You should get the greek salad instead, trust me you'll love it." Tyler said.

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I'm good with the ceaser but thanks for the suggestion." She nodded at him. "What are you feeling Pete?"

Peter hummed in contemplation. "I'm leaning towards the calzone, it looks pretty damn good."

"Nowhere near as good as the ones May makes."

"Nothing beats them, except for the bagels from that deli on 23rd street."

"Ok agreed those bagels are like a food orgasm." She joked.

The waitress approached their table. "Hiya what would you folks like to eat today?" She cheerfully asked.

"Can I please get the calzone?" Peter asked.

"I'll have the greek salad." Tyler demanded.

(Name) smiled at the waitress. "And I'll have the ceaser salad, thank you."

"Actually she'll have the greek salad." Tyler informed the waitress.

"I don't want that though Tyler..."

"Come on babe you'll like it I promise." He said throwing an arm around the back of her chair.

"I think she knows what she wants." Peter replied an edge to his tone.

Tyler jut out his chin. "Maybe she wants to try something new."

"She's said three times she wants the ceaser salad, so let her have the ceaser salad."

"Like I said maybe she wants to try something new."

"Like I said, she's an adult and knows what she wants, so you should just let her order." Peter argued.

"I'll just put through the calzone, the ceaser salad and the greek salad." The waitress informed them before scurrying away as fast as she could.

"Fucking great." Tyler muttered.

"It's ok I can always try it some other time." She assured Tyler hating herself for not punching the living day lights out of him.

The conversation that followed was awkward small talk, the whole outing was like being in a slowly sinking ship. Hell a sinking ship would probably be alot nicer. Eventually the food came, giving her something to atleast try and distract herself from Tyler's smug face.

"What plans do you guys have for christmas?" She asked the table.

"I'm obviously going to bermuda with my parents." Tyler bragged.

Peter sliced into his calzone. "I'm just hanging out with my aunt."

Tyler narrowed his eyes. "Just your aunt..."

She jumped in. "That sounds nice, I'm gonna be at my aunt's with my mum's side of the family."

She didn't want him to have to explain his entire family trauma in front of someone like Tyler. Tyler could be kind when he wanted to but she doubted his sympathy would extend to Peter.

"What about your parents?" Tyler asked.

"They're dead." Peter stiffly admitted.

"Oh sorry." Tyler leant forward. "How did they die?"

Why she had ever dated this man?

"Tyler can you please stop." She begged.

"It's ok (Name)." Peter said the corner of his lip tugging upwards. "They died in a plane crash when I was 9."

"Shit really? That's heavy stuff." Tyler puffed out, (Name)'s grip tightened on her cutlery.

"Yup, my parents dying is certainly heavy stuff."

"Did they ever find the bodies?"

"No."

"Do you think their bodies were like eaten by like fishes or something if the plane crashed into the sea." Tyler wondered, a look of gruesome curiosity on his face.

He was only saying all of this to get a reaction from Peter.

Peter gave an exasperated sigh. "How should I know?"

"You're boring." Tyler grunted taking a bite of his food.

Peter grit his teeth. "Back in a second I'm going to the bathroom." He told them, slamming down his napkin on the table.

Once Peter was out of earshot Tyler leant over to her and spoke to her in a hushed tone. "There's no way his parents actually died in a plane crash right it's gotta be bullsh-"

Her cutlery dropped onto the plate, clanking loudly. "Tyler that's enough, would you for once please shut up." She snapped, several customers turning their heads to look over at her.

Tyler let out a humourless laugh. "I see what this is."

"What, what is?!"

"You're in love with him."

"I-I'm not." She defended, her wavering tone betraying her.

"Yes you fucking are." He seethed. "The way you defended him, the way you looked at him, the way you talked to him. It's so obvious that everyone can see it except him."

"He's my best-friend." She hissed.

"You don't hug a best-friend like you hugged him."

Tyler was right and there was no point trying to hide it anyway.

"You're right." She whispered. "I have feelings for him."

"Were you just using me to get over him?"

"I don't want to say."

"Tell me."

"I'll hurt you if I tell you."

"Please just tell me." Tyler demanded his voice cracking. " Please."

She bowed her head, lowering her gaze to the table. "Yes. I used you to get over my feelings for Peter."

"You finally admitted it." Tyler whimpered. "I always kind of knew I just never wanted to believe it."

She cautiously looked up, Tyler was already getting to his feet, tears slipping down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." She apologised her bottom lip quivering.

"I hope he realises how you feel some day." He croaked.

Peter came back from the bathroom as Tyler left. "Where's Tyler going?" Peter questioned not seeming sad at all to see the man go.

"We just uh broke up." She confessed.

"Oh god it wasn't my fault was it?" Peter fretted as he sat back down.

If only he knew the truth. "No, not at all." She swallowed. "We realised we wanted different things."

"I'm sorry to hear that, are you feeling ok?"

"Funnily enough I think I'll be fine."

"Do you want to talk about it still?" He offered.

She shook her head. "I'd rather not right now. Can we save it for later?"

"Yeah of course." Peter agreed. "Wanna order ice-cream?"

"Yes please." She breathily laughed. Peter had such a way of taking all the bad energy out of a room.

He squinted at her. "Hold up, you've got some ceaser dressing on your face." He noticed, wiping at the corner of her lips with a napkin.

And that was the exact moment she realised she was in love with Peter Parker. Tyler had been right.

Tags: @prettiestmark @brutal-in-here @lokisthvr @mell-bell @spoonerhead @ohashley101 @mournthewicked @omgcygnusssstuff

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #andrew garfield!peter parker x reader #andrew garfield #marvel #the amazing spider man x reader #the amazing spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman no way home #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm!peter parker #angst #fluff #fake dating au #fake dating

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btsnvra · 2 years

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𓂃 ៸៸ you never know. ❝ but you'll never know unless you walk in my shoes you'll never know my tangled up shoe laces 'cause everybody sees what they wanna see. it's easier to judge me than to believe. ❞

𖥔 𖥦 TITLE — you never know

𖥔 𖥦 SUMMARY — in which nara finally tells her mother how she feels after all the years of bottling it up inside. takes place on december 16, 2016

𖥔 𖥦 CHARACTERS — jung nara, nara's mother who's name is yona, mentions of nara's father; jihoon and her sister, narae

𖥔 𖥦 WARNINGS — mentions of child neglect

𖥔 𖥦 WORD COUNT — 0.8k words.

𖥔 𖥦 AUTHOR’S NOTE — whew i'm not giving nara any breaks 😭 they're talking in korean the whole time so i won't add italics this time.

𖥔 𖥦 MINI PLAYLIST

𓂅 ✿ … You Never Know by Blackpink

𓂅 ✿ … Better Off by Ariana Grande

𓂅 ✿ … Just a Little Bit of Your Heart by Ariana Grande

Bts were on holiday break, so this made it a perfect time for Nara to visit her family after so long. She was nervous though, she knows that her mom will be there and the whole years she’s kinda been avoiding her.

Nara wasn’t particularly close to her mother like a daughter would want to be. Her mom was always gone so she never got to see her a lot. But of course Nara loved her mother. She could never hate her. She just wishes that her mom would see her efforts to try and make her proud instead of her acting as if she’s a burden and her sister, Narae, is her only child.

Nara’s mother would always want to see her kids, she was so excited when she had Narae and Nara but, something shifted when Nara’s mom, Yona got a new job to be a real estate agent. This caused for her to always be away and traveling so she didn’t have time for her little girls anymore. At this time, Nara was 7 years old and Narae was 10. Somehow, Narae was always there with Yona but Nara was never allowed to come with. And she didn’t understand why. Her father, Jihoon, kept telling her it was because she was too young to go with but he knew that was not the reason.

Nara’s dad never played favorites and Nara knew that. Her mom however, always did. Whenever her mom goes out and Nara tried to go with, she would always shut her out. And Nara didn’t understand why, it’s not like she did anything wrong she was just a child at the time.

Walking to the back patio of her childhood home where she saw her mom on the phone, as always. Nara felt like a little girl again, tip toeing towards her mother making sure to not make any noise so she wouldn’t get yelled at. As she finally got there her mom was already finished with the call and Nara did a little breather in order to not get nervous, she was very serious at what she wanted to tell her mom as of right now.

“Hey… mom” Nara said shyly “oh her Nana, how are you? I didn’t hear you walk in” her mother responded. “Well obviously” Nara muttered. “What did you say?” “Oh nothing”. “Anyways I came here to talk to you because I need to get something off my chest, I’ve been feeling this way since I was young, I mean I’m still young but— sorry I’m rambling” She laughed. Her mom actually looked intrigued for the first time while talking to Nara, Yona never showed this much interest into what Nara had to say before at least that’s what she thought.

“Do you- do you love me?” Nara stuttered “What? Nana of course I love you why would you ask something like that?” Yona questioned. “I don’t know it just seems like all my life I’ve been trying to make you proud but it seems like none of my efforts have worked. It seemed as if everytime I try to do something with you you would shut me out and I never understood why. Was it something that I did? And if you would do something it would always be with Narae do you know how hard that is? Every other kid in my class talking about how they would hang out with their mom all the time but I never had that because my mom was always away.” Tears started pouring, this isn’t what Nara wanted. She didn’t want to cry, she wanted to be brave. Brave enough to speak to her mother like an adult but she caved.

“I just— I just wished that you were there for me more. I feel so alone. I feel as if I don’t even have a mother.” At this point rivers of tears were rolling down her face and Nara’s mom stood up and immediately pulled her in for a hug, comfort. Something Yona didn’t show often but she just had to now. Seeing Nara in pain just pained her. “I never thought you felt this way Nana, I’m so sorry” she finally said.

“I didn’t think that you would be interested in the things I did because our personalities were very different and you were so young so I felt like Rae understood it more since we’re more alike. You’re your’s father twin Na. So outgoing and artistic I thought you found the things I did boring. For fucks sake I’m a realtor while your dad is a painter that’s more exciting than selling homes to people, Na.” She sighed.

“Yeah but I don’t care if it’s boring, I just wanted to spend time with you. Not “Yona, the big top house realtor of Daechi-Dong” I wanted to hang out with my mom.” Nara said said wiping her tears. “How about this, next week you and me and just us will go on a little mother daughter lunch date so we can talk all about you and how you’re feeling. Would you like that?” Yona proposed “I would like that. A lot” Nara snuggled more into the hug “I love you so so much Darling” “I love you too mom”.

#✭ bts nara #deluxeocnet #aesocnet #aes!ocnet #kpop added member #kpop addition #bts 8th member #bts female addition #bts female oc #bts added member #bts x oc #bts fluff #kpop fluff #bts angst #tw child neglect #◟ ⋆ 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐎𝐍 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐀𝐍 › writings !

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differentkettleoffishalltogether · 3 years

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I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N: I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

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Series Masterlist

Masterlist

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube.

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy.

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

"....So I Married A Monster" *Chapter 3*

So I gave you a LITTLE lovin' at the end, give me a break. I'm loving all the angsty comments I'm getting. Really gives me a rush relishing in your pain. MWAHAAHAHAHAHA. I'm kidding I love you all please don't leave me.

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

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@storiesofsvu @believinghurts

-------

The next morning

As soon as you dropped Kylie at daycare and Maggie at school, you headed to work. You worked as an executive at an advertising company, so it gave you a lot of freedom to work from home. Really helped the whole "single mom" thing.

But today you had to go into the office for a meeting, and you were dreading it. The one day you could really use to yourself, you had to go and be around people, pretending to be okay. This was going to be hell.

During your meeting, you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket. You immediately went for it, thinking maybe by some miracle Rafael had figured out a solution super fast. But to your horror, it was a text from Billy.

LUNCH?

Oh god. He knew didn't he? He knew everything. There was no way in hell he was getting you alone in your house right now. You quickly texted him back discreetly.

I'M AT THE OFFICE TODAY.

*BUZZ*

THAT'S HALFWAY TO THE CITY. COME ON, I PROMISE I'LL HAVE YOU BACK IN TIME TO PICK UP THE GIRLS.

Was he serious? He wanted you to meet him in the City? Closer to Rafael? What kind of game was he playing? Well, at least you'd be in a public place. He couldn't murder you in front of an audience. And he promised you could pick up the girls, surely he was just going to let you leave after lunch. Right? While you were thinking it over, your phone went off again.

MY TREAT

His treat? Well, that would be a first. Sure he took care of them when they were married, but since their divorce he hadn't offered up a penny more than his legally obligated alimony and child support.

"Miss Y/N, do you have somewhere better to be?" Your boss interrupted your thoughts, you noticed that the whole boardroom was staring at you.

"No sir, sorry sir," You shook your head as you typed a quick OK back to Billy before shoving your phone back into your pocket.

-------

After your meeting you headed to the restaurant address Billy texted you. You sat in your Uber running your fingers nervously through your hair and checking your makeup. Though you really weren’t sure why-- Billy wasn’t the cute harmless man you fell in love with anymore, you had to remember that. No matter how much his smile made your knees weak.

You walked into the restaurant to see Billy already at a table. He smiled and waved at you, you walked towards him and joined him.

“Hey, sweetie,” He went for a hug, but you went for the handshake.

“Hey, Billy,” You nodded as you sat down across from him. “So, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” He kept that hundred watt smile focused on you, you felt yourself blush.

“Okay?” You tried to act nonchalant as you picked up a menu and browsed it.

“Yeah, you know after I found out you were with that animal, Barba,” He picked up his own menu and began to peruse it. You were glad he wasn’t looking at you in that moment because as soon as he called Barba the animal as opposed to himself, your fists clenched.

“Oh? Yeah it was no big deal…” You tried to keep your voice calm.

“So what did he say about me?”

“N-Nothing, I kicked him out as soon as I hung up on you, Billy,” You glanced up at him. You weren’t lying, you did kick him out right after you hung up. And it was the biggest mistake in the world.

“Really?” He looked genuinely surprised, but elated. “You just believed me over him, just like that?”

“Well, of course Billy,” You nodded as you put the menu down. “You’re the father of my children, I’ve known you for almost a decade. I...loved you,” You gulped as you sipped the courtesy water. You didn’t know if it was a great idea to toss that in, but you figured you needed to throw him as far off the scent as you could.

“...Loved?” Billy asked curiously.

Shit. Abort Abort.

“I mean, I’ll always care about you Billy,” You put a hand over his, giving him the sweetest smile you could manage.

“And Barba?” He gripped your hand a little tighter. “Do you love him?”

Shit. Alright, stay calm.

“I thought I might,” You nodded sadly. “Before you told me what a...monster, he is,” You hated even saying the words, but he needed to buy what you were selling.

“Oh, honey,” Billy gave you a sympathetic smile. “You know that’s what I’ve always loved about you. Always so trusting, and loyal...those are really great qualities in a woman,”

“...Thank you?” You sounded offended.

“Gosh,” He chuckled. “You know I am starting to forget why we even broke up,”

Oh God.

“B-Because you were always working, and you thought it would be unfair to keep going like we were going on the kids, and me,” You reminded him.

“I did say that, didn’t I?” He half laughed. “Gosh, you know I think I...I really messed that up,”

“...What?” You nearly choked on your drink.

“I think I made a huge mistake, choosing my...work, over you and the girls,” He gave you a genuinely apologetic smile.

“Oh, Billy you--” You tried to dissuade him, but he wasn't having it.

“No, you know what Y/N having the girls this past summer, it reminded me how much they mean to me. How much you, mean to me,” He took your other hand in his so he was holding them both now.

“But you know what? No more. Screw my job, I’m choosing my family this time,” He gave you the most loving smile and look you’d ever seen on him. You were starting to be even more confused than ever.

“...R-Really?” You blinked in disbelief. “You’d just...give up, your...job, for us?”

“Yes, I would babe,” He nodded, rubbing the back of your palms with his thumbs.

Suddenly, you remembered what kind of “job” he actually had. How could you get out of this? What would make sense? Wait, a thought occurred to you.

“...No,” You removed your hands from his.

“....No?” He repeated, his tone shifting. “What do you mean, no?”

“I mean, I’m not going to let you back into our lives, back into the girl’s lives. Get their hopes up that we can be a happy family again, and then you just take off again when you start itching to get back to work!”

“....Itching?” His nostrils flared. “Is there a reason you used that...specific phrase, Y/N?”

“No, it’s a term, Billy. Look it up,” You were getting more brazen, knowing you had a crowd of eyes around you. He wouldn’t try anything.

“You sure that’s not a certain lawyer talking, sweetheart?” He didn’t let up.

“....How do you know him, anyway Billy?” You suddenly changed the subject.

“Excuse me?” Now it was his turn to blink in disbelief.

“You knew him, when you called me,” You reminded him.

“Well yeah babe, I know he’s a--”

“A monster,” You finished.

“Yeah, I told you--”

“But, how would you know that?” You asked again.

“What?”

“He’s a prosecutor, Billy. You’re a...whatever it is you are,” You crossed your arms. “So how, do you know him?”

“Because….” You saw the wheels turning in Billy’s head. “Because he and the NYPD set me up!”

“They set you up?” You asked curiously.

“Yeah,” He sniffed and rubbed his nose as the waitress came and took your orders. He eyed her nervously as she wrote down your requests and left the table once more.

“You gonna elaborate?”

“Look right before I met you, I was living in the city,” He sighed, starting his story. “And I was on a harmless jog in Central Park, and these tourist girls got spooked and this bitch detective brought me in, started getting her whole squad zoned in on me for some reason, including your man Barba,”

“Just for no reason?” You gave him a look.

“Yes!” He pounded the table, causing some stares. He took a deep breath, and repeated himself. “Yes, babe,”

“Uh huh,” You nodded as the waitress brought your drinks. It was only lunch but you had ordered a martini, you needed it to get through this.

“Look I thought you said you believed me,” Billy’s eyes narrowed. “...Or was that a bunch of bullshit?”

“N-No,” You suddenly sat straight up, remembering you needed to keep up your act.

“I’m just trying to understand the whole situation, baby boy,” You threw your old nickname at him to diffuse the situation.

“Right…” He licked his lips with a smile as the waitress came and sat the food down in front of each of you.

“Anyway, babe they set up this whole thing. They went on a vendetta against me, I swear to God. They-- they started pulling all these records of me from places I lived, trying to pin me to something, anything. And then their Captain…” He stopped and chuckled, but not his normal chuckle. This was more...sinister, darker.

“She just had this...thing, for me,” He smiled as he remembered her, the “Good times” they had. “She begged me to spend this bender weekend with me and when things didn’t go her way, she tried to say I ‘kidnapped’ her, raped her, did all this nasty stuff to her,”

“....Why would she make that up?” You took a bite of your food. He was just spilling all of this information without you even prying, this seemed too easy.

“Because she’s a BITCH, that’s why!” He suddenly yelled again and pounded the table, more people turned to stare this time before he quickly got himself together once more.

“Billy, I’ve never seen you like this,” Your voice shook as you spoke.

“I’m--I’m sorry, Y/N,” He blinked back tears. “They just...they put me through hell,” He began to show you scars on his face and pointed to his ear. “She...when we went on our little bender, she got so hopped on pills and booze that she beat me within an inch of my life,”

Your hand went over your mouth as you saw his injuries for the first time. You put your other hand and traced the scar, tears in your eyes. He couldn’t have just faked those scars, there was no way for him to know you’d start questioning him like you had.

Maybe...maybe he was telling the truth. You had just taken Rafael at his word, and those articles at theirs. Stories could always be spun, and if it made the NYPD look good, that would make the best story, right?

“Billy…” You wiped his cheek with your thumb, tears were spilling down them. “I am so, so sorry…”

“It’s fine,” He sniffed, wiping snot from his nose as he pulled himself together. “I just...I just want to move on,”

“Yeah…” You nodded, patting his cheek gently with a small smile.

“So, will you let me come home?” He asked you with a sad smile.

“I…” You looked down at the table, mulling everything over. You really, really didn’t want to believe Rafael had been the liar here, just covering up for his best friend.

But...Billy seemed genuine, you had known him so much longer than any of them, maybe you knew him better than they did. You knew he was the wrong guy they should have tried to send away, maybe he was just the victim of their dirty captain. But the whole…”job” aspect, you weren’t sure of. You still didn’t know what he did, and why he had been gone all the time. Rafael’s explanation seemed logical.

“...I’ll think about it,” You looked at him with a small smile.

“You’ll think about it?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Billy, you really hurt me,” You felt tears come to your throat. “You have to know that,”

“I know, babe…” He gave you a sad smile back, taking your hands again. “I get it, I have to earn your trust again,”

“Yes,” You nodded, glad he wasn’t going to press it. He nodded and looked at the table for a moment, then looked up at you with that smile of his.

“...You know, if you want the afternoon off honey, I can pick up the girls,” He offered.

“E-Exucse me?”

“You want to go see Barba, don’t you?” He was now smirking. “You want to verify what I’m saying, right?”

“I...um…”

“Go for it darling, that’s how confident I am you’ll make the right decision,” He encouraged you.

“...Right,” You nodded, downing the rest of your martini. “And if I don’t, you’ll have the girls as leverage,”

“Aww now Y/N…” He kept his smirk, it seemed more evil now when you looked at it. “I won’t need leverage, will I?”

“....No,” You gulped. You didn’t entirely trust him now, but you weren’t about to turn down a chance to see Rafael. Besides, if what he said was true, Billy would never harm the girls.

“Good then, so we’ll see you at home?”

“Sounds good,” You nodded as Billy laid down his card on the check. You got up and headed to the door, dialing Rafael’s number. You remembered that he had said not to contact him first, so you thought you’d do him one better.

-------------

Rafael was in his office putting together his opening argument when you knocked on his office door.

“Come in,” He said nonchalantly, thinking it would be his assistant with a memo.

He glanced up from his desk as the door opened and dropped his pen when he saw you. He blinked a few times, making sure he wasn’t hallucinating as he stood up from his chair and approached you slowly.

“....Y/N? What are you--?”

“Shut up,” You cut him off with your words before catching his lips in yours in a hungry, aggressive kiss.

You didn’t care what Billy had said, or what events led up to right now. You just knew at that moment you needed Rafael. And you took him, no regrets. You two spent several seconds just kissing and drinking each other up, hands roaming all over each other’s bodies.

You’d think you two had been separated for months, not barely 24 hours. But you both had been sure it would be ages, maybe ever before you saw each other again, and like you had said before you’d never been out of each other’s lives for more than a day since the day you met. Fine, maybe you were a little overdramatic.

“What are you doing here, tonta?!” He suddenly broke apart from you and chastised you. “I told you, it’s too--”

“Billy sent me,” You simply said, breathless from the kissing.

“...’Billy’, sent you?” His eyes narrowed. “And why exactly did Billy send you?”

“...We need to talk,” You bit your lip nervously. “But...but I just...I just want us to be us, for a little bit longer,”

“...A little bit longer?” Rafael’s eyebrows furrowed. He didn’t like the sound of that one bit.

“Just...please, Rafa?” You begged him, your doe eyes wet with tears. You knew what you were about to have to do, and you just wanted to be happy for a few more minutes.

“...Bueno,” Rafael sighed, before he grabbed you by your waist and carried you over to his couch, before resuming making out with you like two teenagers.

He didn’t like the sound of where this was going, but he knew he wanted to put it off as long as possible. And he had missed you like crazy, even if it had just been 12 hours. He loved you so much, and so fast, it scared him.

You didn't know what you were going to say to Rafael once his tongue was out of your mouth, but right now you didn't care. You just wanted this to go on forever---

And then there was a knock at the door.

#rafael barba #rafael barba angst #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #so i married a monster #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #rafael barba fanfcition #raul esparza #william lewis #william lewis fanfiction #william lewis x you #william lewis x reader

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infinitebells · 3 years

Note

so, angst. being moran's childhood bsf so when he becomes colonel you're like "you better come back or i'm dragging you back haha" and he teases you bc "aw you love me that much you'll actually go to war?" and he sees how upset you genuinely are and he's like "of course i'm coming back" but surprise u hear he's kia and you're a wreck so when he DOES come back you're a mess of tears and sputtering bc "you were dead!" cut to him holding u in his arms and telling u he loves u - ruby anon

i have stayed up thinking about this for two nights straight and every time i do i change it up a bit so hopefully my thoughts are more coherent on paper. also i lowkey made myself cry writing this

✧ he was literally your best friend, you were never apart from him for more than a day unless one of your families was traveling

✧ you’d known him since you were both kids, having lived next to each other your entire lives

✧ you two would always be seen running around the town and laughing

✧ he was so so protective of you, he got into fights with boys who would tease you or make fun of you

✧ the older you two got, the more it was painfully obvious that you were in love with each other

✧ through your teenage years he’d do anything to have alone time with you, sneaking into your room at midnight to stay up and talk with you, pulling you to a random meadow so you guys can have lunch, anything to be with you

✧ as you got older though, your parents were less inclined to let you two hang out since moran needed to focus on his education and you needed to learn how to be a ‘proper lady’

✧ hence the need to sneak into your room in the middle of the night to spend time with each other

✧ when he found out he had made colonel and he was being shipped off in two weeks, he was devastated that he had to leave you

✧ that night you could tell something was off with him, he was quieter than usual and couldn’t meet your gaze

✧ when you asked him what was wrong, he didn’t say anything at first, until he reached out and pulled you into his lap so that your legs jutted out over his left leg and the temple of your head was pressed to his chest

✧ he could barely get the words out, his voice so low he was scared you wouldn’t be able to hear, but the way your body stiffened slightly allowed him to realize you did

✧ he held his breath, waiting for you to say something until he felt you shift in his lap, turning so you could face him, legs straddling his waist before wrapping your arms around his waist and putting your head in the crook of his neck, congratulating him with a shaky voice for doing such a good job

✧ he holds you tighter against him, swallowing the lump in his throat

✧ he can feel you trembling in his arms, but he doesn’t say anything until you pull yourself out of his neck and give him a wobbly smile, tears in your eyes

✧ “you better come back or i’ll drag you back myself”

✧ he knows you’re just trying to be your usual sarcastic, witty self to try and push through the reality that the love of your life your best friend is leaving and may never come back

✧ he laughs, grabbing your face and keeping it gently in his hands

✧ “aw, you love me that much that you’ll actually go to war?”

✧ when he finishes talking, the tears in your eyes spill out involuntarily, and your head drops from his hands to try and hide your tears from him

✧ he realizes how upset you truly are, grabbing your face again and bringing your forehead to his, wiping your tears with the pads of his thumbs

✧ “i’m coming back princess, i promise”

✧ when you open your eyes and look up, you realize just how close your faces are

✧ your brain short circuits and every memory you’ve had with him flashes before your eyes, and you realize way too late that “oh fuck i’m so in love with him”

✧ meanwhile in his head, he’s thinking that even with tears in your eyes he’s never seen you look so beautiful

✧ so he brings your forehead to his lips, kissing it softly before pulling you back into him

✧ the next few nights he comes over, you barely talk

✧ he knows how upset you are, so he just keeps you in his lap, brushing his fingers through your hair and telling you random stories to keep your mind off of the fact that he’ll be gone soon

✧ the night before he has to leave, you’re both deathly quiet

✧ you’re on different opposite ends of your bed, staring at the floor

✧ after another few minutes of quiet, you crawl over to him, pushing yourself into his lap so that your legs are once again over his legs and your head is resting just above his heart

✧ he doesn’t hesitate holding you close, breathing in the smell of your hair

✧ you’re scared to ask him your next question, but you push through with a very shaky voice

✧ “can you please just hold me and stay the night?”

✧ he’s quiet, terrified that this could be the last time he gets to hold you

✧ “anything for my princess”

✧ you nod against him, pulling your blanket up over you two before he settles so he’s lower on your headboard, one arm secured around your waist and the other stroking your hair

✧ that night is the only time he allows himself to cry, tears hitting the top of your head

✧ he knows you’re crying, he can feel your body shaking, but he doesn’t say anything. there isn’t anything he can say to make this any better

✧ but when he hears a choked sob, he holds you even closer to him, his eyes scrunching up because when he hears your cries, when he can feel how badly you’re shaking, he never wants to leave you

✧ you’re full on sobbing now, hiccuping every so often as you hide your face in his chest, hands balled up in his shirt

✧ he runs his hands over your back, kissing the top of your head, trying to comfort you

✧ in a spur of the moment decision, he starts humming a tune that had always been one of your favorites, hoping it would help

✧ he feels your shaking start to stop, your cries quieting, the only noise coming from you now is just occasional sniffles

✧ when you finally fall asleep on him, your tear stained face peaceful once again, he stares for a few minutes committing to memory the scene of you sleeping on his chest, hands clutching tightly onto his shirt with his arms around you

✧ once he starts to see the sky lightening, he slowly maneuvers you off of him, staring down at you one last time before leaving his ring with an ‘m’ engraved on it on your nightstand, as well as a note

✧ “i’ll come back for you princess. our story isn’t over yet, i still have things i want to tell you ok?”

✧ when you wake up and see the note and ring, you don’t hesitate to slip the ring on, putting the note in a box of your most precious keepsakes

✧ the first week he is gone, you’re utterly silent

✧ your parents heard that moran was getting deployed, and they knew you were close, so they didn’t try to comfort you because they knew you’d be inconsolable

✧ after a few weeks, you start talking more, but they know you’ll be off unless he’s back home

✧ your friends can’t say anything to help, you just change the subject every time, refusing to hear anyone talk about it

✧ it isn’t until three years later, when you’re 26 years old and he would be 28, his parents ask for you to come to their house

✧ when you get there, his mom’s eyes are red and his father is solemn

✧ your heart drops at the sight, and when they finally spit out the fact that he was killed in action, you stop breathing

✧ everything is a haze, the way they hand you his jacket that he wanted to give to you, his pocket watch that he’d left for you, and a letter he’d written in case he died on the field

✧ you don’t remember how you got home, but when your parents see you with his jacket and the watch with the letter, they know something awful has happened

✧ no tears have left your eyes, but you can hear your mom crying against your dad as you robotically make your way to your room, dropping yourself on your bed

✧ with shaky hands, you open the letter he left

✧ “hey princess. if you’re reading this, that means i broke our promise, and i’m so sorry that i did. my only motivation to come back home was you, and i’m eternally sorry for the fact that i can’t come home and be with you. there was still so much i wanted to do, to say, but i suppose i can tell you here. i love you. not the way that family loves each other but the way that i’m so desperately in love with you that when i think about you my heart beats two times faster, my palms get sweaty, and i can’t help but smile. i wanted to make you mine when i came home, but that can’t happen anymore. i’d give anything to hold you in my arms the way i did before i left, you looked so beautiful in my arms. god i miss you so much. i gotta go princess, but please know i love you so much, even in death. p.s. please keep the jacket, pocket watch, and ring. don’t get sad when you look at them, just remember all the good memories we had okay?”

✧ that’s when the tears fall, and then they don’t stop

✧ you’re screaming, sobbing, and your parents can’t do anything to calm you down

✧ your dad runs to get a doctor because the only way you’ll calm down at this point is with a sedative

✧ your mom holds you but you can’t say or do anything except cry, and cry, and cry because your childhood friend, your best friend, the one you’ve been in love with for years is gone, and you never got to tell him

✧ once the doctor gives you the sedative, your dad goes to the moran household to give her condolences, and your mother stays by your side, wiping your sleeping face with a damp cloth

✧ when you wake up, you’re completely numb

✧ after reading his letter for the first time, you put it in your box along with the note he left you before he first left

✧ for the next few weeks, you don’t speak to anyone. you’re mute, only doing work around the house, saving up for your own place because you can’t bear the thought of being in your room without him

✧ after two months, you leave your parents house, getting your own apartment

✧ your parents are understanding of the fact that you need space to yourself to get away from everything

✧ they help you move, and once you’re finally in your apartment, all you can think of is how badly you wish he was here to live in it with you

✧ you collapse on the floor, crying silently for the first time since you found out that he had died

✧ you had been wearing his jacket because it was cold outside, so you pull it even tighter around you, feeling like your chest was caving in on you from the way your heart throbbed painfully

✧ you didn’t stop crying for an hour, and when you finally did, you grabbed his watch off the kitchen counter, walking out and going to the nearest bar because you needed to be inebriated

✧ by the time you sit down at the bar, you’re completely unaware of your surroundings

✧ you signal the bartender for a whiskey, wanting to indulge in his favorite drink for old times sake

✧ as you’re sipping your glass, without your knowledge, moran is in the corner, drinking his own whiskey

✧ he hasn’t stopped thinking about you ever since he had been pronounced killed in action, wondering what you were feeling

✧ you on the other hand are so caught up in your drink you don’t acknowledge the man who slides onto the barstool next to you

✧ he taps your shoulder, and you turn to see him smiling at you

✧ he introduces himself, and you only nod before turning back to your drink, already tired of the social interaction

✧ he slides closer, asking if you’re here alone, and you nod once again, not even bothering to look at him

✧ he continues to flirt with you, and you only give half hearted replies, getting tired of him already

✧ once you feel his hand come to rest on your thigh, you fly up and clock him in the jaw, sending him flying off the stool and onto the floor

✧ everyone in the bar, including moran, looks up at the commotion

✧ he’s frozen, watching you stand furiously over this man who’s cowering on the floor before you

✧ “i’m very obviously wearing another man’s jacket, i’ve got a ring on my finger, i’m barely responding to you and you still continue to flirt with me? my husband died in the war two months ago but before he left he still taught me how to fight so unless you want your ass beat, i suggest learning some fucking boundaries,”

✧ with that, you storm out of the bar, and moran in a trance follows you, kicking the guy on the floor on the way out

✧ you’re fuming, shaking in anger, so much so that you don’t realize that moran is following you, in awe of how much more beautiful you’ve gotten

✧ by the time you’ve reached your apartment, you’re still shaking, but this time you’ve got tears in your eyes

✧ when you hear a knock on the door, you wipe your eyes and open the door

✧ there stands colonel sebastian moran, and you can’t breathe

✧ he’s there, in a jacket matching yours, black pants, black boots with a brown top, and a gray button up underneath his jacket

✧ his hair is longer now, and he’s bulked out, much taller than you compared to before when he was only three quarters of a foot taller, but he’s here

✧ “so i’m your husband now? i’d love to have had an invitation to the wedding”

✧ he sounds more in awe that you’re here in front of him, but hearing his voice again makes everything crash down onto you, and you collapse on your knees sobbing

✧ he rushes down to your level, closing the door before catching you before you hit the ground, holding you impossibly close to his chest as he devolves into tears, his heart breaking at your heart wrenching sobs

✧ “you were dead! you were dead, you were gone, and, and-“

✧ “i’m here. i’m here and i’m not leaving i promise”

✧ you pull back from his chest to grab his face and smash your lips onto his, tears still streaming down both of your faces

✧ his arms envelop your waist, both of you kneeling on the ground with your lips on each other’s

✧ your kiss is desperate, needing to feel him against you to know he’s really there and not just a figment of your imagination

✧ he kisses you back with just as much fervor, his body pressed to yours because it’s been almost three years and he needs to feel you against him once again

✧ when you finally pull back, you aren’t crying out of overwhelming sadness and shock, you’re smiling with tears of joy in your eyes, foreheads resting against each other

✧ “i’m in love with you sebastian”

✧ “i’m in love with you too princess, but i was supposed to be the first one to say it”

✧ you laugh through your tears, holding him closer to you because he’s finally home in your arms

✧ he picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and carrying you to your bedroom before laying down against the headboard with you in his arms and on his lap

✧ he peppers kisses all over your face, holding your face in his hands once again

✧ he pulls back once again, looking you up and down

✧ “you look really beautiful in my jacket princess”

✧ “i’d look good out of it too”

✧ his eyes widen before he’s flashing you that smirk that always has you swooning

✧ he promises that he’ll get you out of everything you’re wearing another day, but for now he just wants to hold you again in his arms

✧ he pulls both of your jackets off, kicking his shoes off as you take your own off, before he’s pulling you back to him

✧ you fit perfectly in his arms once again, and when he has your head resting against his chest once again, with your blanket pulled up over you two, he has to hold back tears of happiness feeling you with him once again

✧ “how about tomorrow we start planning that wedding that i missed huh?”

✧ “i knew you’d bring that up”

✧ “well i was planning on marrying you once i came back, and i still intend to”

✧ “good, i wouldn’t want anything else”

#yuukoku no moriarty #moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #moriarty the patriot x reader #sebastian moran #bells responds #bells’s ruby anon

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niawritess · 3 years

Text

The Lovestruck~Chapter 14

(8 December)

10:12 am

"Y/n! Wake up! It's 10 already!"

You groaned in your sleep but then your lips twitching upward as you heard your mom's voice after more than a week which you missed so badly.

Changing your position to lay on your back, your eyes squinting as the sunlight hit your face. At first you panicked as you thought about your college but then relaxed as you remembered taking a leave for today.

Sitting up with your closed eyes, you let out a yawn with your palm automatically covering your mouth. You stretched your arms up and dropped on your back again with a sigh. Yesterday's scene left a impact on your mind as you couldn't get it out of your head, not to mention the sensation you felt which you have never felt before.

Your thoughts were interuppted when you got a notification on your mobile making you groan and shifted to your side before taking your phone from the nightstand.

It was your bestfriend saying that she would be here in an hour to meet your parents and there was another text which was from Rose saying that something came up so she'd be going to her town which means no Café today.

Smiling, you got off the bed and skipped to the washroom for your morning routine.

Whereas Baekhyun also got the same message from Rose and he sighed as he wouldn't get to see you at the café since you skipped today and that information he got from Ria a while ago.

It was like that day when you didn't came on the café and where he felt your absence. The feeling, the confusion was eating him as he wasn't able to come up to a conclusion of those feelings which was frustrating him as well.

As he told the boys about the no Café today casually and the boys came up with a plan of going to bowling. Baekhyun couldn't refuse since their graduation was this year and it's been long since they have been out then, when will they have time to do this so he agreed.

Not before, they asked him to ask you to tag along with him and hearing this Baekhyun gave them a look but they just made an excuse to see you as you were also becoming their friend.

***

You were heading downstairs after washing up and suddenly the door bell rang indicating your bestfriend was here already.

Your dad opened the door and Ria smiled greeting him before letting out a squeal as she ran up to your mom and they did some weird handshake before hugging eachother.

You rolled your eyes playfully but a smile was playing on your lips and you went to them who were totally ignoring you making you glare at them as they were doing it on purpose.

"OMG! JAE!" Ria exclaimed with her eyes popping out when she saw him coming out of his room and you also flinched not used to his presence.

Ria was your high school friend so, being comfortable with Jae was an understatement and he always treated her like his little sister just like you. Well, you always bicker with your brothers and they tease you but you know how protective they are over you.

Jae went out with his friends as he was meeting them after a long time and will go back in a week for his training Job. You sat on the couch comfortably with your mom and bestfriend talking about their favorite topic shopping which was not so favorite to you.

In that time, you got a notification on your phone, checking it to see it was from Baekhyun and unconsciously your heart beat quicken seeing his name but you immediately shook it off before opening the text.

Baekhyun : Hey, Are you alright? You didn't come today.

You : Yeah, I'm okay. Just skipped today.

Baekhyun: Okay. So I wanted to ask something. We boys decided to go bowling today so would you like to join us?

You read the message with a baffled expression before looking at Ria who was sitting alone as your mom went into the kitchen.

You: Are you sure? I mean won't I be intruding?

Baekhyun: Not at all. Even my friends want you to come.

You were contemplating wether to go or not since yesterday your had been occupied with those things wondering if it would get awkward but you also didn't wanted to lose a friend like Baekhyun just because of those awkwardness and decided to let it aside.

You : Is it okay, if my Ria tag along?

Baekhyun : Of course! So it's decided. I'll pick you up by 5. No excuses! See you later:)

You let out a sigh leaning against the couch getting the attention of your bestfriend as she eyed you suspiciously.

"We are going for bowling in a while." You told her casually and she frowned. "Are we?"

You nodded before your mom came back and sat on her spot with your brother who also was back from his school as he threw his school bag in your lap while plopping beside you.

You clicked your tongue before placing his bag on the couch while showing him a glare.

"Mum, we are going bowling today."

She just nodded nonchalantly not saying anything further but Daniel's eyes perked up hearing that as he eyed you surprised.

"Mom, Aren't you going to ask her anything? With whom she's going with?" He shoved her with his questions and you three looked at him weirdly.

You mom shrugged. "As far as I know her, she wouldn't go without Ria and it's actually a good thing that she's going out since we are the ones who always force her to go out."

"I'm really happy she's progressing with time and whom she's going with, I don't mind because it won't be her boyfriend since we aren't that lucky to have that privilege." She added with a fake hurt expression.

Your brother and bestfriend joined her in her laughter while you stared at her with a disbelief look. Sometimes you think your mom could've been a good actress if not for her catering business.

"Mum, you know me too much."

"That's why I'm your mom." She winked and you shook your head before smiling.

***

You and Ria got ready and Ria already had her clothes in your wardrobe since she stays here often. You got a notification and checked it to see it was from Baekhyun telling that he's already here.

You walked towards your window and saw his car before he got out and as he looked at your window direction you locked eyes with him.

Your eyes widened and you immediately backed off as if you got caught doing something wrong before going downstairs while mentally hitting yourself for doing that unaware of how Baekhyun smiled at this act of yours.

"Mum! I'm leaving!"

"Have fun and be safe!"

"Don't have too much fun!"

Your dad yelled and you rolled you eyes before walking out with Ria who was laughing.

You both approached him who was leaning against his car but instantly straightened himself when he saw you and flashed a smile to you which you returned.

He opened the door for you and you sat in the front seat and Ria settled herself in the back seat not before sending a smug look to you where you gave her a look.

You three arrived at the destination and followed Baekhyun who led you to where boys were already present. You both greeted them smilingly as you have gotten comfortable with them now.

Then your eyes caught another figure which belonged to none other than Lauren who was sitting with her boyfriend while her eyes were on Baekhyun which held something you couldn't tell and with you feeling weird inside which you also couldn't tell.

Ria and you both looked at eachother before going towards an empty seat and sat there as you started chatting with boys not before Baekhyun looking for his place to sit.

That's when Lauren shifted a little to give him space while flashing a sweet smile at him where again you felt that sensation and you instantly shrugged it off as you looked away. However, instead of going there Baekhyun walked towards your side and sat beside you with your shoulders almost touching making your breath hitched.

Chanyeol got up and stood in front of you all with an idea of having a competition with him and you have somewhat noticed that he's a competitive guy.

"So, who's gonna be in my team? Y/n?" He looked at you expectantly and you looked at him with a guilty smile. "I'm sorry but I'm not good at bowling but Ria is really good at it."

Ria almost spit out her water and you surpassed your giggle before she shot a glare at you but you just smiled innocently at her.

"Are you really not good?" You looked at Baekhyun who gave you a question look and you nodded. "I've been trying to do it but I don't think I'm suitable for bowling."

"Like her driving."

Ria popped her head forward as she told Baekhyun who just chuckled while you nudged her back with a death glare.

The game started between Chanyeol's team and Yixing's team and the team who loses has to treat tteokbokki (spicy rice cake).

They played for half an hour where both teams were tied and with the seriousness it was also funny to watch how they kept bickering like five-year old kids. Honestly, you were having fun with them as they kept the atmosphere joyful.

You excused yourself to the washroom and Ria was coming with you but stopped as her it was her turn so you went alone. Finishing your business, you made your way to them but a hard shoulder bumped into yours making you stumble back.

"I'm sorry- Y/n?"

You looked at the familiar voice person before your eyes widened. "Jae?!"

"Oppa."

"Shut up." You made a dirty face on the name which always makes you feel cringe and he raised his eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

"I can ask you the same." You placed your hands on your waist standing confident.

"I asked first." He imitated you and you rolled you eyes.

"I'm here with my friends." You told him and earned a snicker from him making you frown as he gave you an amused look. "You have friends?"

You rolled your eyes. "I'll see you at home."

You tried to walk past him but he blocked you with a serious expression plastered on his face. "Are you here with your boyfriend?"

"What?! No." You made a weird face before sighing. "Jae, stop acting like a brother."

"New flash! I am your brother!" He gave a toothy grin before leaning in. "Where is he?"

"Gosh, you're so annoying."

"And you're my cute little potato." He pinched your both cheeks and you cried holding his wrist to stop but when a pair of hands pulled his hands away.

You both looked towards the direction to see Baekhyun with clenched jaw and glaring at Jae before he stood infront of you like a shield.

"What do you think you are doing?" His tone was calm but you could sense an anger behind it which made you panick if some fight breaks out.

"Uh, Baekhyun, he is my brother." You spoke peeking from his shoulder not realizing that you took his name casually and Baekhyun's ear perked up.

He looked back at you with a confused face then to Jae who had a smug grin then back to you. "Brother?"

You nodded slowly and wanted to laugh at Baekhyun's confused face which looked so cute and resembled a lost puppy.

The atmosphere turned awkward and Baekhyun instantly stood beside you and Jae held out his hand.

"I'm Jaehyun, Y/n's big brother."

Baekhyun hesitantly shook his head and introduced him before apologizing but Jae waved it off as he liked how Baekhyun came to your rescue.

"Jae!"

You three looked at the voice to see a guy calling Jaehyun and giving a nod, Jaehyun turned to you.

"It was nice meeting you, Baekhyun." He smiled genuinely at him which Baekhyun returned awkwardly.

"I'll see you at home." He gave a cheeky grin to you going to the cinema area not before mouthing nice catch where you shoot a glare at him.

Shaking your head you looked at Baekhyun who was lost and hesitantly tapped his shoulder where he immediately snapped out.

"I'm sorry about that." You smiled sheepishly and he chuckled.

"Don't be. I misunderstood so it's okay." You both started walking. "I guess I didn't really made a good impression on your brother."

You shook your head vigorously. "Not really, Jae seems to like you actually."

He lightly laughed shaking his head. "No way, seriously?"

You smiled nodding. "Hm, I know him."

"When did your family came back?"

"Yesterday, that's why I skipped today."

He nodded before you two joined your friends and the game was over with Chanyeol's team winning in the end which means the losing team has to treat something.

As everyone was eating and talking, you spotted Ria's phone on the seat beside you as she excused herself to the washroom.

Not long before, she came back and sat beside you before a frown crept on her face as she started searching for something.

"What's wrong, Ria? Did you lost something?" Jongin asked her drinking his juice.

"Yes, I can't find my phone." She started looking for it everywhere. "Y/n, have you seen my phone?"

You kept mum since she knows you can't lie or she would just catch you in a blink, so you avoided her eyes while munching and she didn't noticed since her attention was on her phone.

Feeling a little thirsty, you were about to take a juice bottle but a hand came forward to you with a juice bottle while it's cap opened and you looked at Baekhyun who was talking to Chanyeol and you looked at him surprised as without you saying, he knew it.

You smiled taking it before looking at your bestfriend with lost face. You actually felt bad for doing it but she has always pranked you and not to mention she always tease you in front of Baekhyun so you decided to prank her.

As a smile while was plastered on your face, you felt a stare on you causing you to lock eyes with Baekhyun who was eyeing you suspiciously and sensed the reason behind Ria's lost face.

You brought your index finger to your lips indicating him to keep mum and he chuckled shaking his head while you smiled sheepishly.

This scene was witnessed by Kyungsoo who was eyeing those two with a fondly smile and wondering when his idiot friend will realize his feelings.

***

The car pulled over to your house and you got out of the back seat with Ria before thanking Baekhyun and Chanyeol for inviting you two.

Seeing Ria's gloomy face, you couldn't help but feel guilty now. Taking her phone out from your purse, you held it out to her and she looked at you shook.

"You had it all along? Y/n!" She exclaimed chasing you inside with you shouting sorry and then giggling.

"Crazy." Baekhyun mumbled chuckling at you as you went inside before he turned back to his best friend giving him a teasing smile.

"What?"

Chanyeol just shook his head at his stupid bestfriend before Baekhyun drove off.

_______________

@wooya1224 @buttercupbbh @jddcfc-blog

#bbh #exo fanfiction #exo ff #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun gifs #baekhyun imagines #baekhyun #baekhyun x reader

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taechaos · 3 years

Note

Idea series oc sneaking Tae in the house after he had big fight with his father about something (your choice if it's smutty or fluff or angsty) with a peek of a vurberable Tae? Honestly i think he would change the topic as soon as he started it and prob with sex.

Anyway I'm really interest in their family dynamic since I remember don't know if it was in part one or two that you mention they have really religious parents? And seeing how harsh their dad is with Taehyung it have me wondering how is his relationship with the mother and ocs with both parents, despite everything the seem really distant from their kids, maybe thats why Tae and YN find comfort in each other. OC is the first real bond Tae made with someone so maybe that's the reason of his fear of being replaced and his obsession with her, and ocs mother probably don't pay that much attention to her so that's why even after the incident she still want him to be there. At this point I'm just rambling I'm sorry. And this ask is all over the place, started with a request and ended questioning characters life 💀💀. Sorry hehe.

when i read this yesterday i was literally blown away by this like hOLY shit your analysis is so in-depth at first i was like damn do my characters have more than oNE DIMENSION?? WHICH IS RLY FLATTERING BUT I THINK ITS JUST UR WORDS THAT MADE ME SOUND SMART 💀💀💀 the ending is chef's kiss tho made me bust a lung SHFJJD thank you so much for taking the time to write this its honestly so fucking amazing. hopefully u can see more of their family dynamic in this drabble :)

Rays of sunlight slither through the cracks in the blinds of the living room, allowing Taehyung's father enough light to scan the newspaper he holds in his hand, with the musical, happy chirping of mockingbirds filling in the silence. All of these beautiful signs of nature and peaceful rotation of the earth makes Taehyung tense up even more.

The moment he got back home from buying drugs, his father greeted him in monotone with a, "would you sit with me for a moment?" and he hasn't spoken since. The zipperbag in his pocket crinkles every time he shifts in his seat, making him cringe momentarily before he starts nervously fidgeting again.

This is so awkward and yet equivalent to hearing: we need to talk. God, why is he so silent?

Clearing his throat, Taehyung stands just as his father flips a page with a lick of his thumb. "I'm going to my room really quick."

"No."

"Oh." When will his step-mother return? She's his only hope as he sits down while avoiding looking at his father, whose gaze is set on the black and white printed pages.

It's only a minute later when he talks without diverting his gaze.

"Your sister is in her room, researching her major to get a headstart on a typical syllabus."

"Smart," he comments with disinterest and nibbles on his upper lip.

"Taehyung, how was your attendance in college?" he folds the newspaper and curiously peeks at his son, who is doing a poor job at hiding his nerves.

"It was alright–"

"Lying is a sin, son," his movements are aristocratic when he leans his chin on his fist. "Don't lie."

"I'm not," he stammers and his eyes flicker, "it was bad at the beginning of the year, but I fixed it."

His father pinches the bridge of nose where his frames lie. "I love your sister, Taehyung," he sighs and takes off his glasses, "I want her to do well. I've given up on you, but her? She can accomplish great things if you're not there to influence her. You're a bad influence. Are you following me?"

Taehyung nods dumbly with a racing heart before registering his words and shaking his head. "What?" he blurts. "I used to help her with her homework all the time–"

"You were home once every month."

"Just because you didn't see me doesn't mean I didn't see her," he coldly says. That's not entirely accurate, but it is true that he saw you more than he saw his parents before he started living here again. For you.

His father is taken aback, offended as he scoffs, "You avoided me and your mother, and yet have the face to stay in our home?" He stands up and passes the coffee table that was Taehyung's only barrier to hover over him with distance. "I expected so much more from you, but you can't even do the bare minimum. An adult without a stable job, respectable girlfriend, and embarrassing grades. I'm ashamed to have raised such a boy, for I can't even call you a man."

Taehyung abruptly stands but he continues, "If you can't even pay rent, go back to that landfill you came from."

"I have to pay rent to live with my family?" He's livid and his hands shake by his sides; they're taking you away from him because what? He isn't the son they wanted him to be?

"You've made it clear that the only thing keeping you here is my daughter," he blindly points at the closed door of your room, "and you will have to try much harder to see her again. Get your life together, and you can come back."

Taehyung's face is heated with anger from the injustice. "What the fuck?! This is such bullshit; you're kicking me out?"

His father frowns at his language, growling, "Taehyung! I will not let you drag her down that path with you. When you stop destroying everything you touch, I'll gladly let you live here."

Destroy? He hasn't done any harm to anyone—especially not you. He knows he's self-destructive, but it doesn't extend to his environment. If he fails, it's his failure, but his father takes it personally instead of encouraging him to do better.

The importance of reputation and success in this family enrages him; he's aware that he's not much of an affectionate person either, but a little love wouldn't hurt to witness in the household.

Instead of defending himself or speaking his mind, he obliges bitterly.

"You need to get laid," are his last words before he slams the door and opens the zipper bag to pop a pill. Ecstasy isn't so fun when you're not around, but he can use the distraction. It's been a bad day.

He flips off a stray cat idling around the garden before casually leaving the property.

—————

Studying isn't fun for you, never has been, never will be. Though you hate every second of it, it does give you something to do to make time pass faster. You've been tutoring yourself about things you'll learn sooner or later anyway, but you guess it doesn't hurt to have to study less when the time comes.

You check the time. It's approaching night at 9 PM, and your father wouldn't protest against a break now, hopefully. He only suggested that you should start studying, but you know what his suggestions really mean.

Do it, or get shamed into doing it with subtle glances.

As if that isn't enough, he constantly checked up on you throughout the day. He wasn't exactly giving you a choice, which irks you.

But that's done and over with, and there's a more pressing matter at hand: where is Taehyung? You heard bits and pieces of the argument, but you couldn't get the whole scoop. You worry he's going to go back to his old habits of never being here, rarely seeing you. He would've been hanging out with you six hours ago out of routine... It can't just be you being clingy. Something happened.

You: are you coming home tonight?

The response takes a few minutes.

taehyung: nop

taehyung: but i am coming to ur room

taehyung: cuz ik u cant sleep without me 😖

You: actually the opposite but ok lol

You: when are you coming

taehyung: whenever u want uwu

You: uwu...?

You: just come before it gets too late

—————

So that was a lie. It's 1 AM and still no word from Taehyung. Okay, maybe you're just being clingy now, but it's unlike him not to be clingy. Maybe he wanted to cool off for a long time after his tak with your step-dad, or simply wanted to hang out with his friends after spending all of his time with you.

That makes sense. What doesn't is the slide of your window and shuffling of your curtains. You instantly sit up in your bed and clutch your blanket closer. You watch a silhouette enter your room as you pick up your limp, your tense muscles relaxing only when you recognize the intruder. You put down the lamp with a click of your tongue, ignoring the relief in your pounding heart.

"Hey," he stupidly grins at you. He looks disheveled, clothes untucked and wrinkled, and from the little light you have, you can see his redshot eyes.

"There's also the door," you remark sassily. "Are you um... high?"

He shrugs and crawls in your bed, dismissive as usual. You both make an effort to keep your voices quiet.

"I talked to mom earlier," you ease into the discussion until he butts in.

"That's great."

You roll your eyes and prop an elbow to look down at him. His head lies on his hands while staring at you, mood strangely upbeat. He's definitely high.

"She was a little sad about something, and I know it involves you. I heard you talking to–" You're interrupted with a lingering peck, a little rough in its force but not unwelcomed.

"I've missed kissing you. Shouldn't you be asleep, by the way?"

Recovering from the unexpected attack, you reply, "It's not that late. I don't have to wake up early."

"You shouldn't ruin your sleep schedule," he tucks a hair strand behind your ear without taking his eyes off of you. "Staying up is hard to stop once you start."

"Yeah, you're a great example," you joke with a quiet giggle. Whispering with him feels intimate in a heart fluttering way. His heart pangs with a feeling he can't put a finger on. "You didn't answer my question."

"Hm?"

"Don't play dumb, I'm really curious. What happened with dad?"

"A lot of things happen with dad," he shrugs, "sometimes we play catch–"

"Taehyung," you give him a pointed look, and he giggles.

"You're right, he'd never play catch with me." He groans as he stretches in your bed before trapping you with his arms on either side of you in one motion. You don't know what he's trying to do, but you watch him above you in amusement. "No offence, but when is your mom not sad when my dad is around?" he laughs with a huff.

"That's rude, Tae," you remark seriously, "she's happy when you're around."

Taehyung's smile falters like yours, his happy guise crumbling when he says, "Are you?"

"Pfft," you roll your eyes, "What do you think? I was up waiting for you."

Ah. That's not a very good influence.

"I'm here now," he whispers, "go to sleep. It's okay, I won't do anything, I know you worked hard today."

You agree with a yawn and nod. But even in your sleepy state, you can read the room—Taehyung is especially attentive of his tone and volume aside from being so tense. "Are you alright?"

"I'm in and on ecstasy," he falls back on his former spot, "I can't not be alright."

"Taehyung, I haven't seen you all day–"

"Yeah, because I didn't want to be here," he looks at you dead in the eye, "and I don't want you to be here."

You blink rapidly, slightly shaking your head in confusion, "What are you saying?"

"Move in with me."

He's met with cold silence, so he persuades persistently, "Don't you want to get away from here? You'll have so much more freedom with me, and I can help you with your assignments and everything. It'll be perfect."

"I— do you... Where?" Taehyung is high and he doesn't know what he's saying is what you believe because this is so out of the blue, so irrational, but he describes it like it's utopia; you are not completely against the idea.

"I have enough money from drug dealing to rent an apartment, and you can tell dad that you want to move out to be like an adult or whatever, that you have a stable job, without mentioning me," he rambles, and his dilated pupils are more noticeable up close; it slightly puts you off.

"Wh-what about mom?"

He scoffs, "If she wants out, she can get her second divorce. Don't worry about them; after all, they're apparently the only real adults here," he relates back to not being worthy of being called a man. You shift away from him little by little. "Just trust me."

The phrase is triggering for you, a reminder of the time you were tricked into trusting him moments before your trauma. "We'll talk about this when you're sober," you meekly say, avoiding eye contact.

A wicked smile grows on his face, "I can't wait, princess."

#idea tae #*cue big time rush theme*#just gotta say this one last time #the analysis was so well written #its honestly a sight for sore eyes 😫

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poppingtoi · 3 years

Note

Can I request an angaty/fluff with Sunwoo? I don't have a specific scenario in mind, so just do what comes to your mind. I'm fine with anything~!

Yes, of course you can! But ah that's so not specific, I feel like I'll mess up ㅠㅠ Also, this took so so long, I'm sorry

Well, for Sunwoo I'm in the mood for a candy shop, don't ask why because I've got no idea lol

Summary: You're supposed to be helping out in Eric's candy shop but you start fighting (for a while because we know this boy is stubborn) and then cutely make up.

I ain't a snitch - The Boyz Kim Sunwoo

You made your way back into the your best friend's shop after quickly petting a customer's dog outside right by the door. You smiled at the customer as you made your way back and saw Eric standing in front of the counter.

-How am I supposed to leave and just trust you when you get distracted that fast? - he laughed and you both made you're way to the back of the store.

-Hey! I ain't a kid, yeah? I'll have to resist my nature. - you sighed dramatically. - And Sunwoo's coming over in a bit anyway.

-Ick, you're gonna get all loving and scare all my clients away. - he scrunched his nose and grabbed his winter coat.

-I wished we could. - you whispered following him back to the front.

-What? - he stopped and turned around to glare at you.

-But we can't! We can't, I know! - you pushed him while blushing.

-Yeah, not just here but anywhere you haven't been dating for long. - he chuckled and finally left.

You wandered around the shop for a while, sporadically moving a couple boxes to make things look nicer and make sure Eric was paying you for some work. It was 2 pm on a Thursday so there wasn't really anyone coming in to order anything.

Sunwoo arrived about 15 minutes after Eric left. You heard the door opening while you were checking the cupboards behind the counter so you quickly turned around with a polite smile that grew wider at the sight of your boyfriend. You made you way to him with small jumps but noticed his serious expression and stopped midway.

-Was it you? - he asked, voice harsh.

-Well, hello to you too, honey. - you didn't laugh, you just didn't want to take the attitude.

-Don't play dumb, could you? - he sighed, eyes getting slightly glossy.

-What? What's all this about? - you asked, confused, finally going in front of him.

-I know you are not stupid so please just explain. - he rolled his eyes and looked out the window.

-Explain what? - you crossed your arms, frowning at the way his voice was getting too loud for your liking.

-Someone's been telling everyone about my injury. - he seemed to demand and apology.

-And you think it was me? - you got really hurt just by the accusation, you'd never do something like that behind his back.

-Well, there isn't any much more people that know about it and would put my health before my will and my job. - he looked back at you, glaring and growling.

-You don't get to scream at me, less at my job because children constantly come here, first of all. Second of all, do you want me to feel sorry for worrying about you? And lastly, I literally could not, you idiot. - you went back to the other side of the counter.

-I know it's in your nature to be annoyingly caring and cute but I literally made you promise you wouldn't tell anyone. - he huffed lowering his voice just a little.

-You deaf? I could not do it, it's actually impossible, Sunwoo. - you sighed while organizing the transparent plastic boxes.

-What kind of excuse is that? - he raised his voice again. - You ain't even defending yourself, don't treat me like a crazy child.

-Eric threw my phone in the pool last week and I just came back from my parent's place this morning, does any of that mean anything to you? I didn't even know Eric was leaving today, I'm just glad I made it on time to help him. - you accidentally used too much strength and slammed a box on the table, making a jar of small chocolate bears fall off the table.

-Wait, what? - he grabbed the jar but the treats still fell on the ground.

-So you didn't even realize I was gone for a whole week when we haven't been dating for even three? That's so nice, love. - you ironically mocked him and started picking up the bearshaped chocolates.

-I was injured, thought you were trying to keep the secret and had my phone stolen by my mom... She said you called, tho. - he stood by your side without moving.

You stayed silent while getting the bears back into the jar. You had no idea why his mother lied, maybe she was the one that told everyone, maybe she didn't want him to think you forgot about him. You didn't know what you were supposed to do after that either.

-Hey. - he softly called after a while. - I still haven't checked you were saying the truth but... Just get up. The chocolate's melting and making a mess on your hands, plus it's been on the floor, we can't sell that. - he placed a hand on your shoulder.

-You think I don't know? I just don't want everyone seeing the mess I made.

-Go get cleaned up, I'll take care of this. - you stared up at him, wondering how mad he still was. - If you want things to be done right, do them yourself, right?

You rolled your eyes and quickly got up as he was getting some wet tissues. You were offended, you explained and he was still treating you badly. The tension between the two of you while you waited for people to came into the shop was unbearable.

-Why don't you just sit down, you're too affected, you're not doing things right. - he softly caressed you back, pushing you to a chair while his voice was bitter.

-I'm not the one that started the fight. And I didn't think you'd realize I was doing something since you don't know seem to mind my presence or absence. - you pushed his arm and went back to cleaning the table.

-My secret got out and you're the one getting mad? If you want me to help you out here maybe you should stop trying to put the blame on me, hon.

-I told you it wasn't me, and if you're just gonna push and boss me around while criticizing everything I do maybe I don't want that kind of help. - you snapped turning around to glare at him.

-So, if I call your number right now your bag ain't gonna sound? Let me doubt that when Haknyeon called you this morning. - he left the room and came back with his phone.

-He called Younghoon, who was with me, to talk with me, but my phone's still dead, I'm getting it back once my shift is over, jerk. - you crossed your arms and waited for him to press call.

-Oh, who's this? We just finished repairing this device but we can tell the owner you called if you want to leave a message. - a voice ask timidly through the speaker.

-That means nothing, - he ended the call without answering the poor employee. - I don't know how long it's been broken.

-Why are so stubborn? - you lowly growled back. - There's no one coming in here today, you can just leave, Sunwoo.

-I'm not leaving if you're going "Sunwoo" as if I was wrong. - he sighed and pointed behind you. - And look, that seems like a future customer to me.

You both ran to the cash register and fought to welcome the little girl that once again dragged his father into Eric's shop.

-Yeah, and then I'll get married by the beach. - she jumped up and down while holding his father's hand before looking up at you two. - See? Like them. Choco-owner and the boyfriend look so good together, such luck. - she pointed at you and pouted, playing with her skirt just a little.

-Yeah, I know. Choco-worker here is so lucky, right? - he immediately softened at the sight of your small friend and suddenly back hugged you tightly, pressing his face against your cheek.

-I meant you, sir. - she chuckled and got closer, standing on her tiptoes and holding onto the counter. - You're so lucky! Chocky's really pretty and even when everyone's trying to flirt they always get dumped, that's love. Oh! And I've missed you so much this past week, by the way. - she reached up to hold your hands and almost fell so she went back by her father.

-Aww, you noticed sweetheart? - you left Sunwoo and kneeled down in front of the little girl.

-Of course! I'm also sorry other Choco-owner broke your phone. - she looked down at the floor while playing with your hands. - Oh! But he'll make it up to you, I know uncle. - she smiled at you looking up again.

You greeted her father and they bought the usual, her favorite gummy bears, and you, of course, gave her a free lollipop. Sunwoo was quiet and you keep glancing at him and smirking, he just frowned and looked away whenever you made eye contact.

-So... Mr. Kim, got something to say? The cat got your tongue? You've been awfully quiet and pouting nonstop. - you grinned while getting back to the counter after bidding goodbye to the customers at the door.

-She wouldn't lie, would she? - he scratched the back of his neck and you shook you head. - And that's too specific for it to be her not knowing what she's talking about, right?

-I still don't think she actually knows, Eric probably lied about what he did to my phone but... Yeah, she hasn't seen me and she's been told about my phone long ago, that much is pretty obvious. - you laughed a little and rolled your eyes.

-You look so good like this, tho. - he smiled fondly at you, playing with the chair in front of him.

-I know... You're just not going to apologize, right? How did I fall for someone like this? - you crossed your arms and smirked playfully.

-Yeah, okay, at the end it wasn't true, but what were the chances? - he pointed one finger at you getting slowly closer.

-Yeah... If I could I probably would have told your boss, I've gotta give you that. - you chucked, taking a step back once he reached your side.

-Fine, I'm sorry, let me hold you... I missed you, yeah? - he blushed and pulled you into a hug to hide his face against you.

-Make it up to me. - you whispered and he pulled away a little to give you a confused stare. - I'm not saying you're wrong, let's not fight again, just- give me a compliment, the apology was too short, mhm? - you gave him your best puppy eyes.

-Uh? I... Well... You're so good with kids, - he smiled again and pecked your cheek before continuing. - maybe we should have our own.

-Our own child?! When we haven't been dating for even a month? - you blushed and pushed him away.

-I meant we could open our own candy shop. - he laughed at your flustered state.

-Well, you should have said so! I was having a mental breakdown! - you threw your hands in the air when the door opened, making you jump back against Sunwoo in surprise.

-What's going on here? - Eric made his way in with a couple bags.

-We're not being overly affectionate, Eric, we're making up. - Sunwoo stepped in front of you and raised his arms. - And now that I think about it, you should have told me that- he stepped closer to Eric faking anger.

-I mean there's a jar missing you overpaid slaves! - Eric pushed Sunwoo to get past him and to the counter, pointing to where the jar was. - I can't take a break here. - he sighed.

You closed the shop and had the fast food Eric bought and brought in the bags for dinner. You told Eric everything that happened while he was gone while you ate.

-No way! Are you dumb? Are you even dating? - Eric stop eating and dramatically opened his eyes wide.

-Don't mess with my boyfriend! - you slapped his arm while laughing.

-I was talking about you both! - he teased sticking out his tongue.

#I have other 10 drafts #All about different people lol #Hopefully something else will be out this week #You can always still request tho #tbz imagines #tbz scenarios #the boyz #the boyz fanfic #the boyz reactions #tbz reactions #tbz x reader #tbz fluff #tbz sunwoo imagines #sunwoo imagines #sunwoo scenarios #the boyz sunwoo imagines

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chiliiscereal · 3 years

Text

Here’s the link for the full version ^ ——

Sister dear (Steve x sister reader)

(This is preseason one to show you what the background is on the whole story)

(let me know if you think this should be published as a separate book!)

You and Steve had a rocky start to being siblings.

You were born four years apart.

He was born in a time when your parents actually loved each other. They had time for birthdays and family weekends together. They went out to the park on saturdays. They were a picture perfect family.

It just so happened that when you were born, your father stopped being quite so faithful to your mother. When you came into the world, your father was in Europe on a business trip. And he wasn't only up to business.

Little Steve had adored you at first. He always wanted to hold you or play with you.

But then their parents no longer had time for him.

It was always work... and taking care of you.

It slowly changed over the years to only work, as your mother could no longer trust your father. Steve was left to watch you for weeks on end. He was good at it at first. He used to watch you carefully. He used to make sure you were happy and well...

Until he could no longer see his friends.

He was ten. You were five.

He began to leave you at home. At first it was only for thirty minutes while he went to the park. Then it was an hour every day during his elementary school days while he went to the movies.

You were seven when you began cooking your own meals.

You TRIED talking to him. You really did.

You tried catching his sleeve whenever he breezed past. You tried showing him crafts you made. You tried playing music you thought he might like.

That ended with twelve year old Steve pushing you away.

It ended with your works of art thrown in the trash.

Your music cassettes were thrown onto the road.

Your mother made sure both of you knew to never walk into the middle of the road, so you could only cry as some unknowing stranger destroyed your wonderful music. The music you had saved up all your allowance for. The music that you had thought your older brother would like. The music that you thought might bring you two together.

When your mother and father returned, you tattled.

Steve was grounded for a whole week.

But he always needed to have the last say. So he sold your boom box and spent all the money on comics. He threw your sketchbook in the quarry water. He shoved you to the floor, saying that if you ever tattled again then you would join your drawing book in the cold water.

You stopped trying to give Steve your attention and love. You no longer wished he would spend more time at home. So you began exploring the town by yourself at the age of nine. You didn't really have friends to hang out with so you would browse through stores.

The arcade was your favorite place.

You loved showing up early on Saturday mornings, before Steve was even awake, and leaving behind a new high score on the dragons lair.

Why?

Because it always riled up a group of boys your age. They had no idea who kept beating them over and over. Every Sunday morning you watched them walk in... only to scream a few seconds later about how someone had beaten their score by ONE point. Again.

You loved having some sort of connection to them. Even if they didn't know it was you. Or even who you were at all. They were a weird little group, strictly sticking with only other A.V club kids. Besides, you hardly ever talked. What would be so special about you?

It also didn't help that your older brother had begun to build himself a reputation. When you were ten, he began to be known as king Steve. You knew he bullied one of the kids (wills) older brother while beginning to flirt with another's (mike's) older sister.

You knew this because your father began forcing Steve to drive you home from school. That was the rule he set when he gave Steve the car.

Every day you trekked to the high school, only to watch Steve hang around Nancy Wheeler and push Johnathan Byers. You would have intervened and told him that you really didn't want to wait twenty minutes (out of sight) for him to be done. But the last time he did that he made you ride the way home in the trunk of his car.

When you were eleven, you started hanging out at Melvald's convenience store in the town square. Your favorite time to go there was at 7:00, because Mrs. Byers would always work the morning shift.

Wills mother was really quite wonderful. Every time you walked in she greeted you with a smile and lowered her magazine.

——-

"Whatcha lookin for today, kiddo?" She smiled softly, leaning on the counter to watch you browse.

"Any new cassette tapes." You shrugged, fingering each music case that caught your eye. "Do you have any Clash? I... lost mine." You didn't lose it. Steve broke it when he heard you mutter about how much you hated Tommy H.

"Yeah, we got a new box of cassettes delivered this morning." She hopped up and waved for you to follow her to the back room. "I miiiight have snagged a Clash cassette for you when I saw it." She grinned as she held the door open for the young girl.

"You didn't need to buy anything for me!" You gasped. You knew that the Byers needed all the money they could get. "Can I pay you back?" You immediately began digging through your pockets for spare change.

She placed a guiding hand on your back as you both entered, pulling you away from your search. "Oh no it's fine! It's the least I can do for my most frequent visitor."

She plucked the music case off the shelf and handed it to you. "You go to Hawkins elementary, right? You should talk to my son. Will. He also loves the Clash."

You turned red and clutched the cassette. "I've...seen him around before. I don't know how to talk to him."

"Oh it's easy!" She grabbed the spare paper and crayons you always used when you visited. "You just need to find common ground. For example," she pulled up a stool beside her for you to sit at, "you both like to draw!"

You placed down the paper and got working on your art. "Will it make a difference if I draw cartoons and he draws realistic? What if the difference is too big for him to want to talk to me?"

"It'll give you more to talk about!"

——

So began your quest to pursue friendship.

You attempted to speak to Will and his friends in the hall.

They were talking too loud about their latest campaign to hear you.

You tried asking to sit by them at lunch.

They were too busy launching potato's at the ceiling to notice.

Right when you almost gave up... Will and you were paired together as partners for a history project.

——-

'Don't mess it up, don't mess it up', you told yourself over and over as you moved to sit by Will. 'Don't be weird. See if he'll talk first. Don't be clingy.'

Wills was equally quiet. He just read through the rubric of the project and stayed silent.

'What can we talk about... what should I say?'

A drawing poking out of wills bag caught your eye. It looked like a wizard casting some sort of spell.

"I like your drawing!" You blurted out, wishing you could just shut up.

Wills jumped, startled. "Yeah... umm.. it's from... uh... it's from our last campaign.." he began fiddling with his thumbs, unsure of what to say to a girl. "Our DnD campaign... I mean."

You nodded along. "I like to draw to! I've never... I've never played DnD before... so I like to draw people."

Will cracked a shy smile. "I'll show you my drawing if you show me one of yours."

You agreed hesitantly.

He took your cartoon and you took his master piece. You desperately wished you could draw like him. Your cartoons looked so simple, as Steve always said.

"You're a cartoonist!" Will smiled, holding the paper out in front of him. It was a caricature of Mrs. Byers. "You must be the girl my mom sees at her job!" His eyes were wide with recognition. "This is so good! I wish I could draw cartoons. But whenever I try... they look like potato's." He laughed.

You flushed a deep red. "I... I'm also the one that beats your scores every Saturday." You admit.

His jaw dropped. "No way. We've been trying to figure out who that was for months! We formed a whole list of people to interrogate!" He ran a hand through his hair.

You giggled. "I can prove it... if you want. Next Saturday I could show you and your friends? At the arcade?"

"Yeah! I'm totally down to hang out at the arcade!"

——

Will had brought you to the A.V club after to ask the rest of the party. You had protested at first. What if they didn't like you? What if they said no? You would look so stupid! You tried to use your brother driving you home as an excuse.

But if you brought Steve up... no. You couldn't start a potential friendship like that.

Will proposed the ideas to everyone excitedly.

It seemed that Lucas had a problem with it immediately.

——-

"Sorry Will, but we can't." Lucas shook his head. "We've got plans."

Your heart dropped.

"Wait," Dustin frowned and turned to his friend. "What plans? I wasn't aware of any plans."

Lucas crossed his arms. "Remember? Our campaign?"

"We don't have a-."

Lucas elbowed him harshly and looked at you. "Can you leave for a second? We need to talk. ALONE."

You nodded and stepped out of the room. "Yeah totally! Just let me know when-."

The door slammed in your face.

You know you shouldn't have but you pressed your ear to the door anyway.

"What's your damage?" Mike Wheeler hissed quietly.

"Don't you know who she is?" Lucas accused.

"No... should we?" Will whispered in confusion.

"That's Y/N Harrington!" Lucas spat out.

"Steve Harrington's little sister." Dustin stated, now understanding.

Mike groaned. "The douche bag my sisters hooked on?"

"Yes! What if she's exactly like him?"

"You mean a total mouth breather? A player? An absolute jackass?"

You sunk to the floor. Of course Steve ruined the only chance you might have of a friendship. How could she think that these kids would look past her family's reputation? No one ever did. Even her teachers expected her to be disruptive and rude.

"Guys." Will intervened. "I talked to her in history."

"What?!"

"Traitor!"

"What about the party?"

Will lowered his voice, causing you to lean a little closer to the door. "She doesn't act like him. She never called me any names. She never told me that I'm a freak. She tried to talk to me about art."

"Steve definitely doesn't appreciate art." Dustin mumbled.

Wills continued. "She's a cartoonist. And I think she might be like us. You know who kept beating our dragon lair record?"

"Who?"

"Please tell me it wasn't Troy."

"Y/N Harrington."

"WHAT?!"

"IT WAS HER?!"

"GIRLS PLAY VIDEO GAMES?!"

#for you #bookish #wattpad #fanfic #steve harrington #stranger things fandom #stranger things #upside down #steve harrington fanfiction

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pynkhues · 3 years

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Hi ! I'm sorry if you have already talked about that, I'm just new to the fandom. I just finished s3 and I've felt so conflicted since Lucy's death.. There was a sort of lightness in the show despite of the crime element and obvs flirtation between Brio.. But now, everything seems so dark and Beth is trying to kill him. I feel like there's been a shift and that they'll never be able to come back from it.. What are your thoughts ?? Thank you and stay safe !!

Hi! Welcome to the fandom, anon! :-)

Season three definitely has a darker feel overall, so I completely understand why you feel conflicted! I think you’re right too - the balance between the lighter elements of the show and the darker ones was really different in s3 compared to seasons 1 and 2, and it gave the season a very different energy. Interestingly though, I don’t actually think the content itself was all that much darker, but rather that shift was felt more in the way that that content was framed and paced.

After all, violence – and the threat of violence – has been a pretty integral part of the show since it began, and while I think there’s a bit to be said about how much of the violence of the show made its way from subtext to text – Eddie’s death happened off-screen, but Lucy’s didn’t, for instance – I also think that there have been moments of textual violence since the show began. Beth knocked Boomer out with a whiskey bottle after he’d tried to rape Annie in the very first episode after all, something that was echoed with Boomer’s completed rape of Mary Pat and her hitting him with her car in 2.03. In that sense, the violence might’ve escalated in some ways across the first two seasons – culminating with Beth shooting Rio in 2.13 – but it’s always been a part of the DNA of the show overall.

In that sense, I think what’s really changed isn’t so much the violence and threat of violence itself, but rather the way that the show frames that violence and the effect that has on the pacing, tone and character beats.

So hey! Let’s break that down a little.

Catch and Release

When it comes to scenes of intense drama or violence – played out or inferred – Good Girls is really a show that, at least for its first two seasons, relies on a pretty defined structure that I’d say goes something like this:

1. Contextual joke that builds tension and/or sets mood.

2. Act of violence or drama.

3. Throwaway joke that breaks tension and/or resets mood.

As a structure, it’s generally pretty effective and is ultimately used to manage the tone of the episode. After all, for a show like Good Girls which is a dramedy, leaning too hard on the joke or too hard on the drama can create the off-balanced feeling we got in s3, but I’ll come back to that later.

This structure essentially presents the violence or drama of the scene as the meat of a burger, allowing the jokes to both complete the meal (delicious!) while also softening up the richness or intensity of the meat itself.

Generally speaking, I’d say Good Girls did this quite simply and effectively in s1, experimented and tested the elastic of it in s2, and more or less got rid of one crucial step in s3. It makes for an interesting exploration of narrative structure, I think, but that’s just because I find this sort of stuff interesting to explore, haha.

So what’s that actually look like in action?

Okay, let’s take 1.01 with the scene I described above.

1. Contextual joke that builds tension or sets mood

I’d say in this case it was the entire scene at the end of the episode where Annie, Beth and Ruby are arguing about what to do about Rio.

2. Act of Violence

Boomer attempts to rape Annie, Beth hits Boomer, Boomer falls into the coffee table.

3. Throwaway joke that breaks tension and resets mood.

And again in 1.02.

1. Contextual joke that builds tension or sets mood

Annie trying to sell Rio on the dolls.

2. Act of Violence

Rio ordering Mick to kill Beth.

3. Throwaway joke that breaks tension and resets mood.

Boomer popping out of the treehouse.

(please forgive my horrible screencaps, I took these after I’d written this post and it’s now late, hahah)

Annnnd again in 1.04

By 1.09, they were already starting to leave wider gaps between the jokes and the tension – which makes sense as it was building towards the climax and they were wanting more drama than comedy – but importantly, this framing was still present.

1: The girls joking about the van job

2: The tense climax of the van job

3: The joke about the result of the tense climax

And in 2.01, it kept those gaps big as a direct continuation.

1. Contextual joke that builds tension

Beth putting the mug on the coaster as she scrubs blood off her floor.

2. Rio shooting Dean in a flashback.

3. Annie and Ruby bickering about Annie stealing a hospital meal (tone reset as a result of violent climax)

The series went on to test this further in s2 by adding extra beats to create more complex (and interesting, in my opinion!) variations. The clearest example of this is in 2.03 with the Boomer and Mary Pat sequence:

1. Tension establishing joke: the girls in the hotel bickering about the price of the room.

2. An act of inferred violence – Boomer rapes Mary Pat

3. An act of textual violence that builds off both the joke and the inferred violence of the previous scene – Mary Pat runs over Boomer.

4. A throwaway joke as a tension breaker – Mary Pat worried her kids have heard only to see them engrossed in their devices while the Power of Love plays in the background.

5. Takes us straight into an even better tension breaker joke with Mary Pat telling the girls she chopped Boomer up.

(That is such. good. snowballing. tension. And I could talk about it forever. Like, seriously. It’s not a sequence we talk about a lot, but 2.03 is an excellent example of complex dramedy writing).

That said, it often still fell back on that classic structure too in satisfying ways. 2.07 being a perfect example.

1. Contextual joke to establish tension

2. Tension / act of violence

3. Tension breaker.

Whiiiich brings us to 2.13.

King

Look, 2.13 doesn’t work for a lot of reasons, but in no small part, it doesn’t work because it doesn’t play with the above structure like the Mary Pat and Boomer arc did in 2.03, nor test the elasticity of it like 1.09 and 2.01 do, rather it completely abandons it altogether.

It doesn’t build tension effectively through that blend of drama and comedy that the show can do really well, nor does it break it afterwards for us with a lighter moment that commentates on that tension, rather it thrusts the violence and drama onto us in a way that wasn’t well established narratively, and – quite frankly – was badly written.

I could talk a lot more about why that narrative choice doesn’t work, but that’s not really what we’re here to talk about. What we’re here to talk about is:

A Change of Pace

Because the thing is, season 3 does actually return to it’s s1 and s2 structure, only with one, crucial change.

It abandons Step 3: the joke that resets the mood.

What this means is that we have the contextual joke which establishes the tension and the mood, and the tension, but then the tension’s never actually broken for us afterwards.

This is perhaps clearest in 3.05 with Lucy’s murder.

1. We have the establishing joke with the girls debating which Au Jus hostage photo to use.

2. We have the act of violence.

And then we have only aftermath.

Ruby crawls into bed with Stan, Annie with Ben, and Beth takes Au Jus home.

On it’s own, I think this is an effective break from structure. I think it underscores the power of this sequence overall and the importance of Lucy’s death as a narrative moment and the ‘innocence lost’ theme.

Only it’s not on it’s own.

The season kept breaking structure. Over and over again.

It happens after Rio kills Turner in 3.01 (there’s a slightly lighter scene that caps that with Rio checking out of the hotel, so you could kind of argue that it was returning to the same structure, but it doesn’t quite hit the mark for me), it happens when Rio confronts Beth in 3.03 and when he takes her to the OBGYN, it happens when Max tries to confront Rio at the bar in 3.06, and it happens in most of the scenes with the hitman.

In fact, I’d argue that the only scenes that returned to the catch and release structure in s3 were the scene where Ruby stole the hockey jersey, the carwash scene which ended with Mick wanting to go to IHOP and, most effectively, in the Sweet P’s job in 3.10.

You’re talking a lot about sequence structure here, Sophie.

Right! Sorry! Tangents, haha.

What I’m getting at is that I don’t think the content of the show itself is any different. Murder, crime, intimidation and violence has been central to the show’s DNA since 1.01, and a lot of this has been textual. Lucy’s death I think definitely feels different because she’s the first true innocent we’ve seen killed on this show, but y’know, Rio was threatening to murder random PTA moms way back in 1.07 when Beth’s secret shopper scheme proved – err, unvetted, and Dean was trying to organise hitmen in s2 too.

Structure is important. Structure is what sets up audience expectations and establishes the rhythm of a story as well as – most importantly for this discussion – the tone of one. Seasons 1 and 2 presented the dramatic and comedic elements of the show ultimately as a marriage. The comedy was used frequently to guide us as viewers in and out of tension, and ultimately, I think this is why season 3 felt so different. That three point sequence structure was unbraided, the comedy divorced from the drama, which stuttered the rhythm and ultimately affected the tone.

SO, in answering your question as to whether or not the show can come back from the darkness to find its balance again, yeah, I think it can!

I think the writers sort of wrote themselves into a big, ugly corner with 2.13 and spent a lot of s3 struggling to find a way back out of it. Like, I think on a narrative and a character level, they had to show Rio kill someone in s3 to re-establish him as a character with teeth, because if they hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been the source of tension and conflict that they rely on him to be. I think they committed themselves to darker elements of Beth’s character and to asking the question of what it is the girls are capable of, because that’s the sort of thing you commit yourself to when you throw a grenade into your own story like they did with 2.13.

And look, I don’t think they got themselves out of it perfectly by any stretch of the imagination – in particular sacrificing parts of the way they typically structured tension in violence as they tried to reset the board meant they ultimately also chose to sacrifice both rhythm and tone too – but I think they were rebuilding by the end of s3. I think the Sweet P’s job was this show at it’s tonal best, with that marriage of comedy and anticipation and both personal and criminal stakes really working together to build a great sequence (Beth and the Caesar Salad! Anticipation building with Ruby and Stan as Stan figures out what’s happening! A crime plot! Stan coming through in the end!)

I think the note the show chose to end the season on with the promise of Boland Bubbles, Ruby and Stan reconnecting and the first glimpse of Phoebe infiltrating the girls does reset the board in a way that leaves a lot more room for lightness than the end of season 2 did, while still offering hooks of conflict and tension too. I also think it allows for a return to the sort of sequence structure that lets the show balance it’s tone in a way that 2.13 frankly didn’t.

Of course, that’s ultimately if they decide to return to it, haha. I hope they do, and I think we were heading there, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see! :-)

#and thank YOU anon #i've been thinking about this for a while haha #but i spend an embarrassing amount of time thinking about story structure #this was extremely fun to write!#it's been a while since i actually wrote long analysis #i think maybe i just needed a break #i have a bunch of asks inviting long analysis in my inbox too #maybe i'll try and do another one this week before i go to the water #we'll see!#nbc good girls #writing #gosh i don't even know what to tag this as haha #welcome to my ama #and stay safe too anon <3 #Anonymous

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