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seospicybin · 1 year

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PLUTO.

EPILOGUE

Chapters: Part I / Part II

Synopsis: Knowing that your life will end soon, you choose to have your desired death by making a pact with the devil with a red hair, Hyunjin. (9,5k words)

Author's note: Thank you for reading Pluto series! As always, feel free to vent on my ask/messages :)

Tick, tick, tick.

That was the last you heard, the ticking sounds of the clock. But what you're hearing right now is the beeping sound.

Your eyes are too heavy but you keep on trying to open your eyes and see where you are.

Once you manage to lift your eyes a little, the lights blind you and you quickly shut them again.

You try to shield your eyes with your hand but no matter how much you tried, you feel like barely moving.

You slowly open your eyes again and close them for a second, it takes you a moment to adjust them to the lights and finally be able to look.

White. It's all white.

You're in an empty room and everything is white, you smell something through your nostrils, something sharp and clean.

You turn your head to the side and see where the beeping sound coming from, it's coming from a machine.

Disoriented and confused, the machine starts to beep to the same rhythm as your heartbeat and it's going faster and faster.

It seems to trigger the machine as it starts beeping rapidly, in a second someone comes into the room and rushes to you.

"You're good. You're alright. You're in the hospital," she softly speaks even though you didn't ask her anything but look at her all confused as she checks on your vital signs on the machine.

"Breathe.... in and out..." she orders you and practices it with you.

Somehow you're following her, taking deep breaths in and out until your heart beats back at its steady pace.

"I'll call for your mother, okay?" She says.

As you are alone in the room and lay on your bed, you try to recollect how you ended up in a hospital but nothing comes to your mind.

But you woke up with your heart aching so much that when you touch your cheeks, they are wet with tears.

If you have been sleeping, you would think it's just a dream that you'll eventually forget about at one point in the day

But if it's just a dream then why it feels like you'll not dream again? If it's just a dream then why you're not glad to be awake? If it's just a dream then why do you want to stay asleep forever?

Here's what happened.

One day, your mother came to your apartment and couldn't wake you up, sent you to the hospital where you stayed in a deep state of prolonged unconsciousness, fails to respond normally to painful stimuli, and cannot be awakened for four months.

The doctor can't find the scientific explanation for it, you got scanned this morning and there's nothing wrong with your body. The simple way to put it is that your brain shut down all of a sudden and puts you into a comatose.

You've been in a coma for 16 weeks and 3 days to be exact, missed the whole winter, and woke up to the warm spring sun.

Strangely, it didn't feel that long for you, it feels like you just woke up from a dreamless sleep.

"Do you remember anything before you went to sleep that night?" The doctor asks.

You force your brain to remember anything from that night, but can't seem to recall anything but you remember going to bed to sleep.

"I remember going to sleep that night and nothing else," your honest answer disappointed you as well. It frustrates you how much you want to remember but you just can't.

"Any details you remember?"

You try to remember again but it's like searching for something that you know isn't there, pointless.

"I heard the sound of the ticking clock and after that... nothing."

Your mother squeezes your hand on the bed, she has been like that from the moment you gained consciousness. She never left your side even for a second and clings to you like the role is reversed, she's the toddler and you're the mother.

"Ticking of the clock?" The doctor asks with wrinkles on his forehead.

"Yes."

Disappointment is drawn on his face as he couldn't get the answers that satisfy his curiosity. Well, sorry doctor, you're just as baffled by the whole situation.

He caps his pen back and hands the file to the nurse next to him, "we need another day for observation and if nothing goes wrong, you can go home the next day," the doctor informs.

Your mom sighs in relief and squeezes your hand so tight, "that's good, honey!"

It confuses you so much because she's giving you the brightest smile, oozing with pride when you've done nothing but wake up from your extremely long nap.

"Any questions?" The doctor asks.

You shake your head at him, "No, for now," you answer.

"Remember if you feel something, nausea or headache, let us know," he reminds you.

"Sure thing, doctor!"

"Thank you, doctor!" Your mother says before he leaves the room.

It seems like your mom can finally relax after hearing that. She can't stop smiling, she keeps looking at you and brushing your hair.

"You can go, mom," you tell her, noticing that she hasn't changed her clothes since last night.

"I'll go home after your father arrives," she says while tucking the blanket to the side of your body like she always did when you were a child.

"At least go have something, I haven't seen you eating anything since this morning," you insist.

Your mom softly chuckles. She didn't expect that you know she hasn't eaten anything.

You get why she acted like that, she regretted not being there when you got out of comatose and ultimately, she must be scared that you'll never wake up again.

Imagine trying to wake your daughter from her sleep but she doesn't wake up. That must have been traumatizing for her.

After a moment, she finally caved in, "want anything from the vending machine?"

"Mom, have a proper meal, please?" You complain and the role is still reversed now that you found yourself scolding her.

She slowly lets go of your hand and gets up from the chair, "I'll be back in a few minutes," she says.

"Take as much time as you want," you said.

"I'll be waiting," you added with a smile, reassuring her that this time you'll wake up to her call.

She hesitates for a while but your glare works to send her away, taking her cardigan with her as she leaves the room.

The sound of the door sliding open wakes you up from your nap and your head turns to see who's coming.

It's exciting to see someone else other than your mother despite the possibility that things will be awkward since you haven't been social for four months.

The nurse sheepishly smiles as she drags a cart with her, "I'm here to change the IV," she announces.

Your excitement fades a little and you let the nurse do her thing while you look out at the nice weather outside from your bed.

Another person comes into the room and you look to the side to see a familiar face.

"Minho!" You shout a little too loud that the nurse got startled.

"I'm sorry," you meekly mutter to her.

Minho comes to the side of your bed while carrying a bouquet in hand, "hey," he greets you with a soft smile on his face.

"Please, sit down," you gesture to him to sit on the empty chair next to your bed.

"This is for you," he hands you the bouquet of beautiful pink tulips.

You take it with a smile and gently put it on your lap, "thank you!"

He sits down on the chair and looks at you, "you look much better," he said.

Does that mean he visited you before? But you don't want to presume and wildly guess.

"I feel good, yeah, never been better," you say, already feeling awkward that you can't hold a conversation for more than ten seconds.

You could have so many things to talk about if you didn't skip four months of your life.

"How are you? How's work? Tell me everything," You ask while admiring the flowers on your lap.

"I'm good. I got promoted and that required me to move to another city," he answers.

You turn your head at him, slightly surprised by the news, "and you agree to move to another city?"

He nods, "I'll be leaving at the end of this month."

You got sad because you do remember the heartbreak and the fight and the canceled wedding but you hold nothing against him. You were hoping that you get to rebuild your friendship with him and start over.

It seems like you both need more time and space for that.

"Well, that's a good thing that you got promoted," you said with a smile.

"Thank you," he sincerely thanked you.

"We should meet again before you leave," you say to him and hold the flowers close to your nose to smell the floral scent.

He agrees with a small nod and a smile.

You put the flowers down and hold out your hand at him.

Minho looks at it, then places his hand on yours.

"We'll always be friends, Minho," you earnestly say and let him know that you put everything that had happened in the past.

It seems like Minho has been waiting for you to say that and release him from the guilt of breaking the bonds of your friendship.

It's like he has been holding his breath and can finally let it out in a long sigh, he closes his eyes and holds your hand in his, "thank you."

Your mom returns a few minutes after Minho left with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"I met Minho in the hallway," your mother says and sips her coffee.

"Did he comes by a lot?" You ask out of pure curiosity.

Your mom thinks for a second and beams, "I think that's his third visit," she answers.

So he did visit you before when you were still in your deep slumber.

Your mom takes the flowers from Minho and places them next to flowers sent from other people. They're mostly from relatives but it still surprises you that a lot of people care about your well-being to the point that they send you flowers.

"How do I get so many flowers?" You ask.

"That means you're loved, honey," your mom simply answers.

You wouldn't be that sure but it does feel nice to receive flowers.

There's a bouquet of red roses that catches your attention and you wonder who sent it.

"I don't remember receiving this," your mom says just as confused as you are.

"Can I take a look?"

Your mom hands you the roses and you inspect them to find any card or letter attached to them or anything that tells the identity of the sender.

"Nothing," you say with a disappointed pout.

The choice of flowers is what intrigued you because this is a hospital and you send red roses for lovers. For as long as you can remember, you don't have any flings or boyfriends, your love life is pretty much staying in a coma.

"Could it be that someone sends it to the wrong room?" Your mom asks.

You shrug and bring the flowers close to your nose, the distinctive smell of roses fills your nostrils. You smell it again with your eyes closed and something flashes by in your head.

You close your eyes again and try to retrieve what has just flashed by. A memory so distant you don't know if it's real or you made it up in your head, of a red rose and sunset, white sheet and rainy day, of thunder and warm skin, red locks slipping between your fingers and eyes that gleam in the dark, a sinister smile and then a whisper in your ear.

"Come here!"

It's not easy to act normal when you slipped away from civilization for four months.

But it's nice to come home and be in a space that you're greatly familiar with, sleep in your bed and drink from your favorite mug.

On the first night back in your apartment, you let your mom stay over with you because you learned that there's no way to put her mind at ease than giving her what he wanted.

There's a stack of letters on your kitchen counter and you definitely don't want to go into that yet.

"You got a call for you," your mom informs as she goes through the notes she has written on the sticky notes on the fridge.

"From who?"

"From the newspaper," she answers.

"Huh?"

"You don't remember?"

You do remember applying for a job but didn't know that they responded to it, "I do remember but I didn't know that they—" but your hope deflated knowing that you must have missed the chance.

"I missed the interview, didn't I?" You ask with your shoulders slumped.

Your mom smiles and hands you the sticky note, "I told them about your condition and they wanted you to contact them if you're still up for the interview," she explains.

"Are you serious?" You ask in disbelief.

She eagerly nods and holds you by the shoulder, "it sounds like they wanted to hire you so much that they are willing to wait for you," she convinces you.

It's a lot to process and you're having a hard time believing it, "Oh my God, I have to prepare myself for the interview," you suddenly got panic knowing that you have a lot to prepare.

Your mom squeezes your shoulder, "hey, you're still in recovery. Take it slow, okay? No need to rush it," she reminds you.

You agree with her, your priority, for now, is to fully recover and once you settled, you can finally live the life you desired.

It's only the beginning but you already feel excited about what awaits you in the future. It's like you've been given another chance at life, a clean slate.

The only appropriate response to a gift is gratefulness and you promise to never take things for granted ever again.

Your mom is fast asleep when you get on the bed next to her, she must be tired from spending the last few months sleeping in the hospital.

You find yourself wide awake and you reckon this comes from the fear of never waking up again, you plan on telling your mother about this issue first thing in the morning. It's time for you to stop keeping things from your mom anymore, you promised yourself that.

But for now, you try to make yourself tired by finding something to read but what you found in your drawer is a necklace, a gold chain with a locket.

You open the locket to find a little clock with the glass cracked like someone has stepped on it and you figure that this is why you kept hearing the ticking sound, it must be coming from this locket.

You can't confirm that since the clock is dead, probably running out of battery but you keep it close to your chest, closing your eyes, and see if you can remember anything about it.

But instead of the ticking sound, you hear another whisper in your ear.

"Shh... just sleep!"

And just like that, you fall asleep.

It takes you a month to finally adjust yourself to a normal life and it consists of participating in what life offers you.

It took your mom a week to finally let you alone and sleep by yourself without calling every hour.

You go to therapy every Thursday afternoon to talk about your trauma of sleeping and you still can't sleep at night but you try not to pressure yourself, you know the process takes time.

When you believed you are prepared enough, you went to the job interview with confidence and left with a proud smile on your face, not worrying much about whether they will hire you or not.

As long as you've done your best, then there's no room left for regrets.

The next day, you got a call that you got hired and you can start working the next week. You can't be more grateful for it.

This Friday, you got invited for drinks with Kim. It's not a wise choice to start drinking again but it's not about if you can resist alcohol but how persistent Kim would be to make you drink.

You put on a dress and put on a little make-up, don't want to overdo it but at the same time, you want to look impressive, it's your first time going out after being out of comatose.

While waiting for the elevator to arrive you contemplate whether to tie your hair or let it down.

When the elevator finally arrives, the doors slide open and you step inside. Someone is getting in after you and you guess he must be your neighbor so when you eventually look at each other, you politely smile at him.

Kim waves her hand up in the air to let you know where she is.

The two of you hugged and exchanged a kiss on the cheek, she hasn't gotten a chance to see you after you got discharged from the hospital so it feels like a reunion.

"You look so pretty, babe!" Kim compliments you while calling for the bartender.

"And you're prettier than I remember," you playfully compliment her back.

She cackles and helps you sit on the stool next to her, "how are you doing?"

"I'm doing good, yeah..." you hesitate a little but can't help to share the good news either, "I got the call from the newspaper earlier," you say with a sheepish smile.

Kim raises her eyebrow, intrigued. She leans in close to you with wide eyes, "and...?"

"I got the job," you announce.

"Oh, my God!" Kim pulls you into a hug and squeezes your arms in excitement.

"I'm so happy for you. I really do!" She earnestly says with a wide grin on her face.

It warms your heart that she is just as happy as you about the news, "and what about you? How are you doing? Any exciting news?" You ask with a giggle and turn the attention back at her.

She fixes her hair and folds her hands on the counter, turning her head at you, ready to spill whatever information she stored in that little head of hers.

"Let's catch up on my love life, yeah?" She fixes her sitting and leans in closer.

"About two months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend," she begins.

"Oh no," you coo.

"I know right? We fought because I told him I'm getting to be just his girlfriend. I thought we're ready for what's next and it's my right to know if we're having the same thing in mind, you know," She sighs and subtly rolls her eyes, annoyed.

"So we argued and he moved out, and didn't come back for days. I gave him time and had a breakdown a few times because I missed him so much."

You intently listen to her story, emotionally invested in it since it's involved someone you cared about.

"Then a few days ago, he came to the apartment and I thought he was there just to pick up his things," she cracks a smile and you guess the story takes a positive turn.

"We had a long talk, heart to heart, I sobbed because I'm not good at talking about how I feel and..." she pauses to sigh again.

"And...?" Your eyebrows raised in curiosity.

She smiles again and put her hand on her temple, "he proposed to me."

It's obvious that you didn't expect to hear this and it's taking you a few seconds to respond to the big news, "what?" You ask in disbelief, a bit too loud that the people around you can hear it.

She shows the ring on her finger, the little diamond catching the light and reflecting it at you. Kim giggles as she holds out her hand at you.

"Aww, Kim!" You coo again, holding her hand while admiring the ring on her finger.

"I'm so happy for you," you say with a big smile on your face.

She smiles back at you, putting her hand on top of yours forming a stack of hands on the counter.

You know you truly care for someone when their happiness becomes your happiness and you couldn't be happier for her.

"And I'm happy that you're back, I do," she says, her voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

"Because I don't know who I'm going to ask to be my bridesmaid but you," she adds.

That reminds you of how much she cherished you and what a good friend she is, you got touched that you hug her for quite a while.

"Let me see that ring again!" You say as you pulled away from the hug.

She enthusiastically shows it again for you, "the diamond is a bit disappointing, eh?"

You chuckle at her and decide to skip answering that.

"Don't worry, he's got something big somewhere else," she adds.

You both burst out laughing, couldn't care less if anyone got bothered by how loud you are.

Oh, how you missed this!

"The birthday girl is going to be a bride, I see?" Someone says.

You turn your head to see the bartender, a sweet smile and freckles, the one face that you can't forget. The one that you let got away from you.

"You remember him, right?" Kim asks you.

You already locked gaze with him even before you can recall his name, "it's the cute bartender," you say, just to tease him.

When you think his smile couldn't get any brighter, he proves you wrong. His smile grows wider and brighter, it's so cute that you almost melt.

He's the first one to look away, flustered. He turns to Kim and asks, "one negroni and one raspberry martini?"

Kim glances at you to confirm he got your order right and you nod.

"Coming right up!" He says and starts making the mix of drinks.

Kim turns at you and leans into your side, "you can choose to not answer it but you said you don't remember much about the last few days before you know..." her words trailed off, probably afraid that the question might be uncomfortable to you.

"That's okay, Kim," you convince her that it's more than okay to ask you about it. It's an unpleasant experience but it doesn't bother you that much.

"How much do you remember?" She asks, genuinely wanting to know.

You prop a hand under your chin and think hard for a while, "I don't know how to explain it but my memories are incomplete..."

You think of an analogy to create a simple explanation, "like I know the whole puzzle looks like but at the same time, I know there's still a few missing pieces," you finish.

Kim pursed her lips and tries to process your explanation, after a while, she lets out an inaudible sigh.

"As long as you remember we had fun on my birthday then we're good," she says with a wink.

"Of course, I remember that. But mostly the part where I had to drag you home," you joked while resting your head on her shoulder.

"In my defense, I was the birthday girl, I deserved that!" She defended herself and puts her head against yours.

The drinks come at the right time, "negroni for the bride girl," he says while putting Kim's drink in front of her.

"Raspberry martini for the 'I hope she's single' girl?" He says with a grin.

You nod and mutter, "thanks!"

Felix stays there and watches you taking a sip of the cocktail he made, hands on the counter, and veiny arms on display.

You suddenly got thirsty and a glass of drink happens to be right there in front of you.

"How is it?" He asks you once you've taken a sip of your drink.

You tug the little straw between your teeth and seductively smile, "cute," you reply.

He shyly smiles because he knows you're not answering his question and definitely not talking about the drink.

He leans forward on the counter and looks at you with one hand behind his neck, "You know there's a different name to this drink?"

The freckles look fainter than you remember but he's cute nonetheless.

"No," you honestly answer.

"It's called the love potion," he says with a sly smile and a whole lot of attractiveness.

"Love potion, huh?" You look down at your drink, stirring the ruby red drink with your straw and you got a flash of memory.

You remember the same drink but it tasted different, of a white dress and cold night, of you getting off the ledge and an empty bar.

Then there's the whisper in your ear.

"Sell your soul to me."

It feels so real that your head snaps to the side just to see there's no one there. You swear you feel like someone is right there, their head is right next to your ear, and whisper to it.

"Something wrong?" Felix asks.

He must have noticed you acted strange a while ago. You quickly put on a smile and sip your drink, "nothing," you lied.

He scratches the back of his head, making it obvious that he's going to ask you something, "so, are you single now?"

You smile at him, watching how he gets so shy that he can't hold eye contact with you for more than five seconds.

"I've been single for a long time," you answer.

You're aware of how pathetic and hopeless that sounded but who cares?

He pokes his inner cheek with his tongue, "so you lied that day."

One thing that you hate the most is being accused of lying, you may have overreacted and shot him a glare, "lied? When?"

That may shock him a little that his smile fades, "the last time we met you said you have someone waiting at home," he explains.

"I said that?"

He nods, "I reckon that you're dating someone at that time so I..." he stops himself from explaining further.

"Someone at home?" You force your brain to delve deeper into your memory bank and try to retrieve this exact moment when you said that to him.

As far as you remember, you didn't date anyone. The only man you fancied is Minho and that ended miserably then you fell into a coma which cleared the allegations that you dated someone at that time.

"I'll be back," Felix says, getting back to work and taking orders from new customers.

You turn to Kim and ask, "Did I perhaps mention anyone in our conversation?"

Kim puts down her drink and blinks her eyes a few times, "Minho?"

"Other than him?"

"I'm pretty sure there's no one else," she answers.

It got you thinking who is this someone you talked about and who waited for you at home?

"We rarely talk about boys but you did ask me a lot of things about my life on the day you went into a coma," she says, "it's like you knew you were going to—"

Kim clears her throat and sips her drink again.

One thing that you learned after you woke up from your come is that you aren't the only one traumatized by this, your parents and Kim are the proof of it.

You're lucky to find people that cherished you and you promise to cherish them back. You link your arm with Kim's and sip your drink.

"I'll pay for our drinks tonight," you say.

"Cool because I'm thinking of getting drunk tonight," Kim goes into a fit of laughter.

"No, please, don't!" You tease back but also laugh along with her.

Who knew that two lonely people make a great pair?

In spring, flowers aren't the only thing that bloom.

In what feels like a second life given to you, your hopes and dreams bloom with the season.

Every day you wake up to a beautiful sunny day with the warm breeze blowing through the window, carrying the heavenly smell of flowers and earth.

And on each day, you make sure to take a moment to be grateful for this given life and everything else that it gifted you with.

A loving parent, a kind friend, and a good friend who lives far away from you but close to your heart, then there's a job that you love.

Ultimately, thankful that you wake up from your sleep and get to live another day.

But somehow, you still feel like there's still a hole in your chest and no matter how much air you take, you stay breathless. You feel full but not whole.

Something is missing and you don't know what it is.

Or is it just the usual human greed of keep wanting more of everything?

You decide to take a day out by yourself and enjoy the lovely spring day, had lunch then bought an ice cream on your way to the park.

You take a stroll under the row of cherry blossom trees with their petals swirling around in the air, creating a romantic and melancholic scene.

That explains the number of couples you've seen, walking hand in hand and taking each other's pictures. You're not going to lie that you get a little jealous.

For a second, you thought that what's missing from your life, a boyfriend.

A moment later, you scoff at the thought and continue walking with your head looking up at the tree branches, soaking in the warmth of the sun shining through the leaves.

"It's such a beautiful day," you sigh in delight.

It's like you've just cast the spell on the sky that it suddenly turns grey and the dark clouds looming above you. You doubt that it's going to rain or that's what the weather forecast said. After a few steps though, the raindrops start hitting the ground and everyone scatters around to get away from the rain.

"Of course!" You huff, annoyed.

You stop by the front of a cafe just a few blocks from your apartment building, with the hem of your dress and shoes wet from stepping into puddles of water.

It's better if you stay and wait for the rain to stop before taking a walk home.

You watch the rain while standing there and catch the smell of flowers, turning on your heels, you see the flower shop next to the cafe.

The buckets of flowers are on display, blooming so beautifully with their vibrant colors pleasing your eyes. Your eyes pause to look at the bucket of red roses.

The red reminds you of the color of your drink, the love potion and the pomegranates your mom puts in your fridge, of your favorite scarf and shade of lipstick.

The red reminds you of... someone's hair slipping between your fingers and of lips kissing your skin.

The red reminds you of...

"I like your red hair."

"And I like you."

Where's that coming from? You ask yourself. No one is there whispering things to you and you don't remember having this conversation with someone.

It's getting confusing because you can't tell which is real or not anymore. You got so frustrated when you look at the roses again.

They're beautiful but the red holds so much mystery.

The rain only got heavier so you decided to run to the nearest convenience store to buy an umbrella and start walking home.

You wait for the elevator to arrive and take you upstairs, you grip your umbrella in one hand and your wet cardigan in the other.

When the elevator slides open, there's already someone in it. You look up to see that it's your neighbor, weirdly enough, the one you always share an elevator with.

He's always in his black outfits and standing in the far corner of the elevator, hands in his jacket pockets, and his long hair curtained his face.

You push the button for your floor and lean against the cold steel wall of the elevator.

You catch him looking at the puddle of water on the floor from the drops of water dripping from the end of your umbrella.

"The forecast said it's going to be a beautiful sunny day," you say to him, trying to shift his attention elsewhere.

He looks up at you with no expression on his small face.

"No one was ready for the rain," you add with an awkward laugh.

Since he's not responding to your small talk, you turn away from him and face the elevator door. You uneasily look at his reflection on the shiny surface of the elevator door.

"And they say life is beautiful," he softly says.

Something just slides into place and you froze there, memories flooding into your head all at once like someone plays a movie at double speed and you have a hard time catching up to it.

When the elevator dings open, you see the doors slide open and you slowly step out of it.

He follows you from behind, getting out of the elevator, except that he's going the other way.

You take a left turn while he takes the right turn and both of you start walking further away from each other.

You swallow air and stop in your track, turning around to see him walking away from you.

"Did you make anyone cry today?" You ask him and your voice echoes in the hallway.

He abruptly stops walking and stands there for a second. You hold your breath the whole time he's standing there and when he finally turns around, you feel faint.

Despite the distance, you can feel his eyes on you and you recognize that soul-gazing eyes, how it stares right into your soul.

"No," he then looks at the pocket watch he keeps in the inner pocket of his jacket and says, "but it's only 5.30."

You smile at him with tears rolling down your cheeks and watch him walking towards you, no one but you.

The moment your lips touched, you know you have found your missing piece. It never feels this good to finally breathe and not worry about the hole in your chest.

He kisses you as if he was breathing and you wish you can hold your breath longer to kiss him more.

He presses his forehead against yours and lets out a low sigh of relief.

"I set you free from pain and removed all of your memories of me," he says with his hands holding your face close to him.

"How do you remember me?" His warm breath brushed your cheek as he speaks.

"Because my heart still remembers you," you answer.

He pecks your lips again for a long time then let go with a gasp, softly laughing with his eyes closed, "good girl!"

He takes your hand and intertwined it with his, slipping his fingers between yours, making your life officially complete.

This warm skin, these fingers, and hands, his silky hair and plush, red lips, his breathless voice and whisper in your ear.

All of these things make a missing piece in your life and that piece is back in its place, right next to you.

The devil in the flesh, the prince of hell, the one who saved your life.

"Hyunjin..."

He was busy kissing your neck when you softly call his name and he drags his plump lips to your jaw, planting a kiss on your lips to finally answer your call.

"Yes, beautiful?"

You hold his face in your hands and take a look at him, touching his beautiful features of gorgeous eyes and a beautiful nose, rosy cheeks, and plump lips, touching them to confirm that he's real.

"I miss you," you say and your heart hurts from letting those words out.

He softly gazes into your eyes and caresses your cheek with his knuckle, "I miss you too."

His whole weight on top of you should be enough to convince you that he's real and the two of you are making out on your bed.

"I thought you were taking me to hell," your hands are holding the back of his head, tangled in his hair.

He plants a kiss on your shoulder and begins making a long trail of kisses from there to your lips. He gasps when he pulls away.

"Well, this is your hell," he says.

You tip your head to the side, "huh?"

"Your hell is living a cursed life with me," he answers then places a sloppy kiss on your lips.

He looks at you and probably wonders why you got quiet, "or you don't want it?"

You close your eyes and try so hard to verbalize your thought but words can't do justice to what you're trying to tell him.

You put your hands around his neck and hold him close, feeling his warm body resting against yours, his heart lies close to yours, beating at once.

"I really thought I'd never see you again," you cry again from how glad you are to be able to meet him again, cursed or not, you feel alive when you're with him.

Hyunjin buries his head deep in your neck and breath you in, "for a second I thought you're going to be mad at me," he says.

You start sobbing uncontrollably, you didn't know you'd been holding so many emotions but maybe it's all coming from the feelings of your life finally becoming whole.

"You're that happy to see me again?" He asks while chuckling and wiping your tears at once.

You nod.

"You're that happy to live a cursed life?"

You nod again and pull him close, "as long as I'm with you," you croaked.

The thunderous rain is no match to the sounds you make as Hyunjin makes love to you.

It's like your bodies are just as ecstatic to meet again they become one, filling each other's needs and satisfying each other's cravings.

He thrusts into you, slow and deep all the while his eyes looking into yours. Somehow it feels like he's making love not only to your body but also to your soul.

When it feels overwhelming, you pull his face by his chin and kiss him.

He knows your body too well, he knows what gets you going, what pleases you the most, how to make you writhe and make you a moaning mess under him.

When he makes you cum, he convinces you once again that he still holds the highest rate of making you cum, 13/10.

Sex with him will never be a disappointment but the sex you just had feels different, it was exceptionally nice, and it makes you feel vulnerable and powerful, held and set free, to love and be loved, all at once.

With all these emotions flooding inside you, you might as well let them burst out of you.

"I love you so much," you blurt out but you don't regret it at all.

It's bound to be out anyway and this cursed life taught you nothing but to bet every part of you for someone you love.

Hyunjin tenderly kisses you before answering, "I love you too."

And if Hyunjin says this is your hell then you want to stay there, burning in your passionate love for him, forever.

People have their own concept of heaven.

Yours though would be the one that draws a big difference from other people's.

Your heaven has a devil who welcomes you with a soft yet fiery kiss that wakes you up from your sleep.

You giggle when he nibbles on your ear, "morning," you sleepily greet him.

He kisses your temple, "I think it's way past morning."

You force your eyes open and see the sun shining so brightly outside your window.

"You sleep so tight," he says, hovering above you with his face merely inches away from yours.

You loop your hands around his neck, "am I?"

"Did you have a nice dream?" He asks while removing the strands of hair from covering your face.

A dream can't be better than your heaven so you shake your head, "I haven't slept that well in a long time," you say.

"Afraid that you'll never wake up again?"

You shake your head again as he unlocked a new fear in you, "afraid that I'll never see you again," you say.

He softly smiles with eyes closed and gently kisses you, with your naked body under cover he doesn't waste any second but allows himself to touch you all over.

Your heaven is having his head between your legs and his slick, hot tongue on your heating core.

Even after you cum against his greedy mouth that doesn't stop him from dragging his sinful lips all over you, planting kisses, and wetting your skin with his saliva, making you squirm from the stimulation.

He only pauses his exploration to caress your cheek with such loving and a long kiss on the lips.

Then he continues by putting his mouth on your ribcage and sucks hard on the skin, it stings but is still bearable.

Next, he places his lips on your breast, sticking his tongue out to tease your nipple, wetting it and sucking on it.

Then when you're high in pleasure, he plants a bite on your breast.

You yelp in pain and grab him by his hair out of reflex, "oh fu—" you stop yourself from cursing.

Hyunjin quickly rubs over the mark with his hand while smirking at you.

It seems like he's going to make another one and look for the perfect spot for it. His hand slides down your side and then stops on your thigh.

You have an inkling that his next target is somewhere in that area, and although you know what he'll do, you spread your legs open as he lowers his mouth on your inner thigh, permitting him to go ahead with his plan.

He kisses the skin before making a mark there with his teeth.

You grip the sheet as he keeps on sucking the skin and gives it a lick after, you can see the bruise slowly blossoming on your skin.

"I just can't say no to you, mmh?" You mumble but don't sound like a complaint to him.

He kisses the mark after and put his body between your legs with his head resting on your chest.

"Your soul is mine, remember?"

You slip your hands in his silky dark locks, "but not my body."

"That's the point," he takes your hand and kisses your wrist, "I have to let everyone know that you're mine."

He places his lips right there on your sternum and stays like that with his eyes closed.

"All mine," he murmurs as if he's talking to your heart.

"Body and soul," you add with a smile on your face.

He opens his eyes and finds yours immediately, he crawls over to plant a kiss on your lips, tenderly but intensely with a hand on your jaw.

"What happened to the red hair?" You ask with a fistful of his dark hair in your hand.

"You don't like the black hair?"

You softly chuckle and brush his hair to the back, "were you trying to be incognito?"

"Well, it worked because you didn't recognize me until yesterday," he answers.

"I started to wonder why we always met in the elevator, you know. I thought you were my neighbor," you explain while laughing, feeling stupid to ever thought that way.

"Well, I have to keep my eyes on my asset," he coyly says with a sly grin.

He collapses on top of you, capturing your lips in a long, breathtaking kiss, a kiss that takes everything further, a kiss that makes you warm inside and outside.

His body is enough to make you salivate but why only look when you can have a taste of it, a bite of it, and eat it too?

It's amazing that you still know how to get around him, where he likes you to touch him and makes him whimper under you.

You ease yourself down his length and breathlessly moan at how good it feels, how he perfectly fills you whole.

Hyunjin is a walking temptation yet he's your only indulgence.

He roams around your body as you straddle him, spreading his warmth with the gentlest touch of his hands.

"You're so beautiful," he mutters to you in his soft, breathless voice.

"Come here!" He orders, pulling you by the neck and bringing your face close to him.

He opens his mouth and takes your lips in his, hungrily and passionately, as if your kiss feeds and quenches his thirst, as if your kiss brought him life.

You smile when you break the kiss and place your hands flat on his chest, continuing to roll your hips in circular motions.

Low grunts escaped his slightly parted mouth with his hands gripping each side of your waist.

"Good, huh?" You lowly ask.

He delightfully sighs and looks you in the eyes, "like the sweetest sin," he answers.

This is your heaven and your heaven is his body against the white sheet and his smile in between kisses, his soft voice that calls your name, and how sweetly he praises you.

Your heaven is having him on the bed and having him every day for the rest of your life.

And your heaven makes you sin first thing in the morning.

A day in your life goes like this.

Even before you can open your eyes, you wake up feeling needy for his touch and he would be there, lying beside you ready to provide you with everything you seek.

You kiss him on the lips and greet him, "morning!"

"Morning, my sweet little sin," he greets back.

Morning sex is always a good idea yet optional. But cuddles are a must.

Just two naked bodies tangled on the bed, indulging in each other's embrace, hands all over with mouths locked in a rapturous kiss.

Breakfast, shower then get dressed for work with Hyunjin trying to sneak a few kisses in between.

You kiss him before leaving the apartment and give him a warning, each day varies from the other.

"Please, don't cause any traffic today!"

"Not with the elevator out of service again!"

"Don't break the copy machine, please?"

Hyunjin sometimes obeys but most of the time, no. The one warning he never obeys is following you around.

He's there when you're stuck on a bus full of people or run with you when you catch your bus, in a meeting, or in the copy room, nowhere is off-limits to him.

He appears and disappears, here and there, anywhere, anytime.

Hyunjin does whatever he pleases.

"This desk has the perfect height," he whispers into your ear.

You roll your eyes knowing that it's him right behind you and his arms caging your body in between.

You were sorting pages of articles on your desk, "remember what I told you?"

"That you miss me at work?" He playfully guesses.

You shake your head and ignore him, putting all of your focus on the task at hand.

Hyunjin brings his mouth close to yours, "Come on, just a quickie," he whispers.

You scoff, "it's never just a quickie with you," you say.

"Like you ever mind," he whispers into your other ear.

You scoff again and put down all of the pages, turning around to face him, "can you stop with the devil's whisper?"

His red hair is flashy against the dull colors of your office interior and background. Truthfully, he's the only thing that makes your day brighter entirely.

"How about a kiss?" he sweet talks with his hands around your waist, pulling you close.

You take a moment to consider it because it's never just a kiss with him, it's never just that, he will want more and you can't say no to him.

He tips his head to the side and smiles at you, "just one kiss?" He sweetly asks.

You put your hands on his arms and feel his biceps contract against the fabric of his dark shirt. He's so irresistible, just one look at his face and you found yourself nodding to him.

The kiss is electrifying already but the thrill that comes from the spontaneity of it and the slight fear of anyone can walk in on you making out with him in your office.

Before you get intoxicated, you quickly pull away from his kiss and sigh, "one kiss and you got it," you say.

With his hands cupping your face, he can easily hold you still and kisses you again.

You whine against his lips but not breaking the kiss.

"At least give me more tongue," he says against your lips.

It's like he has programmed your brain to always submit to his wishes, you open your mouth and stick your tongue a little, letting him twirl it with his.

He deepens the kiss while hoisting your body, sitting you on the edge of the desk.

You immediately let go of the kiss and gently push him away, "that's two kisses already," you remind him.

You reach for his face to clean the lipstick smeared around his lips with your thumb.

"Does it look good on me?" He asks with a lopsided grin.

"Oh, yeah," you playfully answer and remove the lipstick on the corner of his mouth.

"Put it more on me then," he seduces you for more kisses and he's just good at that, tempting you.

You look away before his hypnotizing eyes trapped you in his spell and hold his hands on your lap, "I'll see you later, okay?"

His face drops onto your neck and groans with his mouth on your shoulder.

You hold him close and brush his hair with your finger, "I'll see you at home," you assure him.

He heavily sighs and then kisses your neck before letting you go.

You get off the desk and give him a long hug, "be good."

"Don't have lunch at the cafeteria today," he says as he finally lets you go.

"Huh? Why?"

"It's just veggies and tofu, you wouldn't like it," he says with a cute nose scrunch, which is opposite to his evil doing.

You get suspicious that it's all his doing, "It's you isn't it?"

He pouts and shrugs with one hand lingering on the doorknob.

You glare at him but he only winks in response before leaving the room through the door.

Little did he knows it takes so much in you not to cave into him, you need to take a minute off and fan yourself with paper, calming yourself down.

When it's lunchtime, a co-worker comes knocking on your office.

"Let's have lunch!" She says with a smile.

You swivel your chair to face her, "what is today's menu?"

"It's tonkatsu so we have to hurry," she answers.

You let out a sigh knowing that Hyunjin lied about his warning, "that flaming hot Cheetos," you mutter under your breath.

"What's that?" Your co-worker asks.

"Nothing," you lied.

"I'll be waiting by the elevator," she says.

There's already a long line of people queuing for lunch and you check on some emails while waiting for your turn when someone grabs your elbow.

You turn around to see who it is and gasp in surprise, "Minho?"

A smile rises on his face and you both share a quick hug.

Now you get why Hyunjin tells you to have lunch somewhere else. It's definitely not about the food.

"What are you doing here?" You ask while still surprised to see him there.

"I just came down from a meeting," he replies and holds his briefcase in the other hand.

"Did you—" you pause to move along with the queue then continue, "you got transferred back or what?"

"No, I'm only staying for a week," he answers.

It's ridiculous that you didn't know how much you miss him until you see him again. You link your arm with him and force him to join the queue line, "come on, I treat you to lunch today," you say.

The talk continues during lunch, catching up on each other's life but mostly his life in the new city he's living in.

He buys coffee for both of you after and talks outside by the rooftop of the building where employees come to smoke or just hang out.

"Isn't this the one dream job you had since college?" Minho asks as he sips his coffee.

"Yeah, I wasn't confident they would hire me but..." you shrug and you're just as baffled because you wrote the resume after taking shots of tequila.

You foolishly grin when you remembered that night.

Minho grins along with you, "what? Tell me?"

You laugh because it may sound so silly to him, but you decide to not tell him and then shake your head.

"I'm just so happy we've been so supportive toward each other," you earnestly say with a smile.

Minho puts his arm around you and together you stare out at the view of the city on a beautiful spring day. Back then, you would have overthought every little thing Minho did to you but now, you don't even think about anything at all.

You feel comfortable and safe around him because you know you have a friend who has your back.

You rest your head on his shoulder and sigh, "look how far we've come, Minho."

The sky takes a dark turn in the evening as it begins to rain when you get off the bus.

You have an inkling it's someone's doing, someone with red hair and mischief in his eyes, someone who's standing a few steps from you holding an umbrella.

"Can you stop ruining spring for everyone's sake?" You grumble as you approach him.

"It's not my doing," he denies then opens the umbrella for both of you.

It's never a straight game with him, he makes you guess every move he makes. You huddle close to him as you walk together under the umbrella with his arm on your shoulder.

There's a sudden loud crack of thunder that you grip Hyunjin's arm in response.

"Oh, how romantic!" You sneer.

He pulls you closer to his side, "you're walking with the devil but afraid of a little thunder," he sneers back with a half-smirk.

You roll your eyes at him and hold onto his arm, "you knew Minho was in the building, huh?"

Hyunjin got quiet and by human standards, he knows how to keep it cool.

"Are you jealous that we had a little chat?"

He looks unbothered but drops his hand to meet yours and clasped it with his.

But by the devil's standards, he's bad at hiding his jealousy.

You lift your clasped hands and kiss the back of his hand, "did you make anyone cry today?"

He returns the favor with a kiss on your cheek, "No," he answers.

He looks at you with a sly smile on his face, "But I'll make someone cry tonight," he adds with one of his eyebrows raises, hinting that the object he talked about is you.

Well, that's one way to arouse you, subtle but effective.

"That wouldn't be the first time," you say with a seductive smile and the recollections of how he fucked you so hard that you cried playing in the back of your head.

That only arouses you more, got you thinking of his body and his lips and his kisses and his...

You stop walking and he has no option but to also stop on his track.

Gosh, he's so beautiful and hot, literally and figuratively and the best thing is he's yours.

You grab the front of his shirt and pull him close, kissing him so hard that he has a hard time catching up to it.

"You should have told me earlier and I would have come running," you say as you pull away from the kiss.

He scrunches his nose and thinks for a while, "we should start running then," he says.

It's a crazy idea but it seems like you'll never know how to say no to him and you'll never want to learn how.

You take the umbrella from him and ditch it, pulling him by his hand to start running through the heavy rain.

The locket around your neck bounces along with every step you take and you can hear the ticking sound of the clock, of the needles moving forward, counting down to forever with Hyunjin.

Tick, tick, tick...

Support my blog by kindly reblog, comment or tip me on my ko-fi!

taglist: @abiaswreck @septicrebel @cursed-mars-bars @ppiri-bahng @drhsthl @a-katsukitty @tangylemonade @bluenights1899 @thisisnotstraight88 @raspbinniecreme @elizalabs3 @avyskai @lachinitaaaaa @is2cb97 @simeonswhore @marvelous-llama

#stray kids smut #skz smut #hyunjin smut #skz hyunjin smut #hyunjin x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stary kids scenarios #skz scenarios #skz fics #skz fanfics #kpop smut #kpop fics #kpop fanfics #seospicy smut

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tr0p1cal · 10 months

Text

The Star || series list

a collection of smau stories all set at the same cafe and the same friend group

General warnings and genres: smau, coffee shop au, slice of life, college au, non idol au, fluff, angst, sexual themes, language, talk and use of alcohol

note: while the series is ordered, you can technically read it in any order or just one as a stand alone. There will be references to other stories and some things will continue throughout the whole series, so keep that in mind! <3

Bang Chan

Status: tbt

Lee Know (Minho): cats got your tongue

Status: ongoing 23/9/23-active

2/8

Seo Changbin: buy me a drink first

Status: completed 13/7/23-23/9/23

1/8

Hwang Hyunjin

Status: tbt

Han Jisung

Status: tbt

Lee Felix

Status: tbt

Kim Seungmin

Status: tbt

I.N (Jeongin)

Status: tbt

tag list is always open! ty for your support <3

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harrietbarnesblog · 7 months

Note

Prompt list; 4, 18- fluff w/ lee know

I'll take care of you.

masterpost

masterlist

pairing: lee know x reader. warning: fluff, period, crying and a little bit of angst. a/n: the prompt was “you cancelled plans for me?” and “Oh my god you never told me you could cook” and I came up with whatever I can think of. I hope you guys like this.

You got your periods yesterday and were having the most painful that you have ever experienced now. You were curled up on your sofa and haven't gotten up for anything except to use the restroom and drink water. You skipped your breakfast as you didn't feel like cooking. Your phone which was on the table rang. It was your boyfriend Minho. You picked it up.

“Hello, sunshine.” he said.

“Hi.” you said grumply.

“What happened? Are you fine?”

“It's nothing, I'm fine. Didn't you say you were gonna hang out with jisung today?” you asked about changing the topic.

“Yeah I am. I just wanted to check up on you before I leave.”

“I'm doing awesome. You stop worrying about me and enjoy your day with Han.”

“Okay, bye. I love you.”

“I love you too.” you said and hung up the call.

You threw your phone near your leg on the couch. You fell asleep somehow. Few minutes later someone rang your doorbell disturbing your sleep.

“Who the fuck is that?” you muttered to yourself. But got up and went to the door. It was Lee Know waiting patiently for you.

“Darling, are you alright? You didn't sound very good on the call so I came over.” he explained as soon as you opened the door.

“You didn't have it.” a sharp pain erupted in your stomach making hiss in pain.

“Obviously you are not fine, sunshine.” he said. He grabbed your hand and led you in closing the door behind.

“But what about your plans?” you asked.

“I cancelled them.”

“You cancelled plans for me?” you felt emotional over it and started crying over it.

“Yes I did. Oh my god, why are you crying now?”

“Because you cancelled your plans for me. Just for me. That's so cute. My stomach hurts so much. I had periods yesterday and nothing feels good.”

“Awww it's gonna be alright. Did you eat anything?”

“No.” you said, wiping away your tears.

“Come on. I'm gonna take care of you." He led you to your bedroom and helped you get into your bed.”stay here okay? I'll be back.”

You nodded your head.

He headed straight to the kitchen and got his hands on whatever ingredients he could find. He managed to cook your favourite food along with some vegetable soup. He arranged them in a trap and slowly brought them to you.

You were in awe of his act of service. You fall in love with him more and more as each day passes. He sat on the bed and placed the trap on the bedside table. He helped you get up and sit straight. He took the bowl of soup and fed it to you. He even slowly blew to cool it down so it won't be too hot for you to eat. The taste was so good and you didn't know he knew how to cook.

“Oh my god, you never told me you could cook. This is so good.”

He didn't say anything, he just laughed it off.

“There are a lot of things you don't know about me, and I intend on letting you know each and everything about me, y/n.” he said.

“You are so sweet.”

“Don't start crying again, please.” he said, wiping away the few tears that fell from your eyes.

He fed the whole soup and then the food. He washed the dishes after that and cuddled with you until you fell asleep. He was the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. Usually, he would never show his soft side to anyone but with you he was always so sweet and kind.

“You are just so cute.”

#lee know #lee minho #lee know x reader #lee know imagines #lee know x you #lee know x y/n #stray kids x reader #stary kids #stray kids imagines #lee know fluff #requested

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marie-is-seein-stars · 5 months

Text

He's so dramtic, I LOVE HIM!!!

HYUNJIN | TEEN VOGUE: stray kids compete in a compliment battle

#stary kids #hyunjin #jiniret #drama llama #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids #hyunjin x reader

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ashielawallflower · 1 year

Text

Pure Agony

Genre: angst & fluff

Reader! X lee know!

Warnings: very depressing, mentions of depressive episodes, indirect mention of su!c!ide, reader and Lee Know bathe together but all is kept SFW!

wc: 0.8K

You and Lee Know had been together for 2 years now. You both relied on each other for pretty much everything. Your relationship with him was probably the healthiest one you'd ever had. Your love for him was something you had never, and could never, feel for someone else. He was usually very happy around you, but today something was clearly off.

Usually, your boyfriend came home and would throw his arms around you and smother you in kisses. Today, he just trotted upstairs to your shared bedroom to get ready for a bath. You followed after him quickly, knowing something was wrong.

"Hey, my love." you said to him soothingly.

"Hm?" he looked up from his phone to meet your concerned eyes. He looked miserable. You just wanted to wrap your arms around him and hold him forever.

"What's wrong, sweet boy?" you asked him as tears welled up in his eyes.

The tears fell.

He began crying, then sobbing. You led him into the bathroom with his pajamas and a towel in hand. He sat on the counter and wiped his nose and eyes with some toilet paper.

"Let me know when you're ready to talk." you said, running his bath water.

"Why does everyone think I'm cold and mean?" he asked you with desperate curiosity in his eyes.

"Oh, baby. I don't think that. I think you're the sweetest and most loving man on earth." you replied.

"Everyone else seems to think I'm emotionless."

You began undressing him while you put in some lavender-scented bubble bath.

"Come here. Lemme give you some love." you say while motioning him into the tub.

He gets in and immediately, you can see his body relax. You follow shortly after, hugging his back softly.

You gave him a few soft kisses on his cheek and neck. He gave you a weak smile and started crying again.

"Oh, sweetheart, come here." you said, turning him to face you. He gave you a hug and buried his face in the crook of your neck.

"Sshh, it's okay. I've got you." you reassured him while stroking his back softly. You knew you'd do anything for this man. You would kill for him. You would kill yourself for him, even.

"Do you think everything might be better if I just got out of everyone's lives completely, forever?" he asked you with a stern look on his face, tears slowly descending down his cheeks.

"No no never. I need you in my life. Without you, I'd be lost. People who think you're cold or heartless can get lost because they just fail to see the real you. Caring, kind, passionate, and understanding Lee Know." you reply to him with a comforting smile.

"Thanks, y/n. I just feel like it's hopeless to try and change their minds at this point."

"Maybe it is. So don't spend so much time on them and focus on the good and happy things you've got going for you. Like us." you say with a wide grin.

|——Time skip ——|

You eventually got out of the bath, Lee Know following behind you. You sat him up on the counter and dried him off. He was too tired to do any of it himself. You felt so bad for him. You decided you'd surprise him with a spa night.

After you got him dried off and dressed, you both walked into your bedroom.

"Wait here. I'll be right back." you told him and you ran down the hall, back to the bathroom to get the skincare products you were planning on using.

You got some face masks, feet masks, cuticle oil, lotion, lip scrub, and your matching hairbands.

After putting all the items in a neatly organized basket, you rushed back to your room. Lee Know was looking at something on his phone. You approached him slowly and extended the basket toward him. He looked up from his phone with tired eyes. They widened at the sight of the basket. He stared at you with pure admiration, not knowing what to say.

"Lovey, you didn't have to do all this." he said, his eyes watering again.

"Well obviously I didn't have to." you replied with a smirk.

You began removing some warm towels from the basket. Lee Know gave you a puzzled look.

"Massage." you told him.

He slowly relaxed into your touch and began breathing less shakily. You began kneading the soft, plush skin of his lower back. You massaged the area around his shoulder blades with your other arm. Lee Know turned to look at you with a small smile across his lips.

"I love you so much. Sorry I was such a bother today with being upset and all."

"It's completely ok," you reassured him. "Your feelings are valid, and we're all allowed to be sad sometimes."

You gave him a peck on his lips and then broke away, continuing your massage.

|—------—|

a/n: I decided to make another! Hope whoever reads it likes it. Don't be afraid to suggest any ideas as well!

xoxo💋

#skz x reader #skz imagines #skz lee know #skz minho #skz angst #angst #stray kids angst #stary kids

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emilyssky · 1 year

Text

Chapter 3: Turn Down The Lights

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."

I woke up with one of the worst headaches I've ever had. The events of last night a bit blurry in my head. I groan and search under the covers for my phone. I have 5 missed calls and 12 messages from Chan, a few messages from our group chat, and a missed call from Emma. Last night, after the fight with Minho I got an uber and went straight home, without saying goodbye to anyone. Now I silently curse myself that I didn't. Chan was supposed to take me and Emma home so I decide to go and check if Emma is in her room. I pull myself out of the comfort of my bed and walk across the hall.

"Em?" I gently knock on her door. After a few seconds of silence, I push her door open only to see her bed perfectly made with random pieces of clothing on it and a few shoes thrown around the room which means that she didn't come home last night. I immediately start to panic, Emma isn't the type to sleep around. I dial her number and after 3 rings she picks up.

"What the fuck y/n, you scared the shit out of me. Why did you leave like that? What happened? Where are you?" Her voice is filled with worry.

"I could ask you the same thing. I'm home, where are you?"

"I'm still at the frat house, I slept here last night." She says and I can feel her shyness through the phone.

"Em, who did you fuck?" I giggle.

"Y/N!" She squeals.

"Get your ass over here, we need to talk"

"Do you wanna meet at the cafe near the frat? We need to practice anyway, so we can go straight to the dance studio after."

"Yeah, okay I'll be there in about half an hour. " I say and hang up.

I walk to our shared bathroom and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My makeup from last night is still on, well kinda. I cried so much last night that my eyeliner has spread all over my eyes and down to my cheeks. Last night was too much. It was something that I didn't really want to deal with ever again, seeing him and putting myself in a situation to relive all these bad memories I have with him. I was really grateful for Minho, in a way. I still can't believe that it was him that night. I honestly thought that I would never see that person again. Our conversation that night stayed with me for a long time after. The advice that I was giving him was one that I never seemed to follow, it was a reminder though. I kept the words I said to him in the back of my head to remind me that; I control my life and I can change it any time I want. Which is easier said than done when I find such comfort in the struggles of my life. They become excuses for me to not even try anything better. I shake my head and remove my clothes. I take a quick shower, throw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, grab my dance bag and make my way out the door. As I walk towards the frat, I decide to call Chan back. I know that he's probably worried just as much as Emma was but honestly, I'm a little nervous to talk to him after everything that happened last night. I don't know if Minho said anything to him or not but either way I can feel my heart racing as I wait for him to pick up.

"You're dead” His voice sends chills down my body, even through the phone.

"Okay let me explain."

"Do you know how worried I was? I can't have a single night of fun without worrying about your ass. What the hell happened?" He sounds genuinely annoyed to the point that it makes me feel bad cause it's true, Chan's always there. He's there for me at every party, taking care of me, taking me home when I'm drunk, and making sure I don't do anything I'll regret the next day. Which is hard.

"I know Chan, I'm sorry" I sigh. "I'll explain everything, are you at the frat?"

"No, I'm at the studio with the guys, why?" I inhale a sharp breath cause I know that being in the studio means that Minho's probably with him.

"I'm going for a coffee with Em, near the frat. She said she stayed over yesterday."

"Yeah" He laughs "She will tell you everything herself, I don't wanna spoil anything"

"How long will you be at the studio?" I nervously ask.

"I don't know. Tell me what happened now."

I take a breath, getting ready to lie to my best friend once again. "I just didn't feel well and everyone was having such a good time that I didn't wanna bother anyone, so I just took an uber home"

"Cut the bullshit Y/n." He brushes my lie off. "Did Minho say anything to you?" At that, I stop walking.

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"He left without saying anything as well and today when I came to the studio, he kept asking me about you" He casually says and my hand that's holding the phone begins to sweat.

"What was he asking you about?" I try to sound unbothered.

"Just random stuff but I found it weird cause I thought that the only interaction you guys had was when you met the guys, which did not go well. Obviously, that's not true so tell me what the fuck happened." He demands again. For a second I consider telling him the truth. That a saw Jackson and everything that happened with Minho afterwards cause Chan is my best friend and I can't really lie to him. We tell each other everything. Well, almost everything. The reality of my relationship with Jackson was something that none knew besides me and him. It's something that I wanna forget, a piece of myself that I don't want anyone to see. I'm ashamed of it. But the more I burn it deep inside me the more it's eating me alive. What was happening for almost a year, took a toll on me. It changed me into a person that I never wanted to be. And now here I am, trying desperately to keep up with the image of myself that my friends and family know and love. Hiding the truth about my childhood and my relationship, and fighting to be the person that I dreamt of becoming. Someone with no trauma, weaknesses, or mental issues. Someone who smiles at every situation and a not a burden to be around. I knew it was a matter of time before all my secrets catch up with me and I know that Minho knowing is only the beginning. I need to take control of the situation. Chan seems clueless about Jackson and that takes a bit of my anxiety away but the fact that Minho was asking about me does not calm down my nerves at all.

"Um, nothing we just bumped into each other when he was looking for the bathroom. He was acting like a complete dick, what's his deal?" I try to push the conversation into Minho.

"He's not a dick. Really." Chan emphasizes the word "He's just.." He trails off searching for the right word.

"A dick." I laugh.

"He's complicated. Don't be quick to judge him."

"Whatever" I roll my eyes. "Listen I really wanna talk to you more but I have to go now, we'll talk later. " I say spotting Emma at our usual table.

"Wait, do you maybe wanna meet tonight? Watch a movie or something?"

"I can't Channie, I have dance practice tonight. Maybe tomorrow?" I offer. Me and Chan used to spend almost every day together but that has changed in the last few months and I have none to blame but myself.

"Um, yeah sure." He mumbles, disappointed at my answer.

"I have to go now, bye ." I hang up and make my way toward Emma.

I pop to the seat across from her. " Tell me everything"

Apparently, Emma ended up hooking up with Seungmin. The moment the words left her mouth, I borderline screamed. She said that they were talking all night long about themselves, life, and other deep shit, and then after a few hours of just talking he finally made a move. It didn't take them long to take it upstairs and they ended up having sex in Chan's room.

"Oh my god, I can't imagine the look on Chan's face when he opened the door" I cover my mouth with my hand, laughing.

"I felt so embarrassed" Emma shakes her head, blushing at the memory.

"Hold up, where did Chan sleep?"

"With Felix" She shrugs.

"Why didn't you guys go back to his place?" I ask taking a sip of my coffee.

"He lives with Changbin, Jisung, Minho, and a guy called Jeongin, which I already know cause we have some classes together."

"There are 5 guys in one apartment?" I scrunch my nose in disgust.

"It's a 2-floor apartment. Apparently, Seungmin's parents are loaded" She lifts her brows for emphasis. "The guys pay half of the actual rent."

"Damn, you should definitely date him" I giggle.

"Stop" She reached to slap my shoulder over the table, which I easily avoid.

"We've been texting nonstop today." She says, blushing.

"Oh." I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

"And he invited me to a party that they're throwing next weekend" She can't stop smiling and that warms my heart. I haven't seen Emma that excited about a guy in so long.

"I mean, you're definitely going"

"You mean, WE are definitely going" She corrects me.

"I'm not in the mood to be a third wheel, thank you very much" I smile at her.

"No, I'm not talking only about you and me" She shakes her head." All of us are invited"

"All of us you mean-"

"Me, you, Hyunjin, and Felix. We all got along so well. Me and Seungmin are not the only ones that started talking." She smiles.

That's just great. If everyone starts hanging out with each other, avoiding Minho will be impossible. I can't believe that the guy that I've been looking for for the past year is now someone I desperately wanna avoid but I can't risk Minho telling Chan anything. I could try and talk to him I guess but I really don't think that he'll care. I'm hoping that he'll just let it go and stay out of it.

"I'm not really in the mood for another party." I try to turn her down politely.

"Y/n, you're coming." She says in a serious voice "You've been locked away in your room for weeks. You won't talk to anyone, you won't go out. What's happening? I'm concerned" Her eyes are filled with worry.

"I'm just not really well mentally. I'm exhausted and I'm stressed with college." I try to brush it off.

"Y/n, mental health is really important and yours has been up and down since I met you. But this 'down' has lasted too long and it's really making me worry" Her hand softly touches mine.

"I know I just- I will get through it, you don't need to worry" I offer her yet another fake smile for reassurance, like the one I've been offering myself as well.

Dance is my life. I've been dancing since I was 6 and somehow growing up I knew that, that's what I was meant to do with my life. While I was in high school I was the best dancer in my studio, but when I got into college I came to realize that I'm only as good as a hundred other dancers here. Hyunjin and Felix are 2 of the best dancers in our year and being friends with them has really helped me. We always practice together and they're always there to help me out. I was supposed to practice with Emma all night long some hard combinations for our class on Friday but around 10 Emma left, claiming she was tired. I decided to stay a bit longer. Late-night practices have lately become a part of my everyday routine. It's a way for me to clear my mind and just let go. For those hours that I'm dancing, the voices in my head disappear. I'm alone in the dance room, just me and the music. None to compare myself to and no teacher to correct my every move. It's the only time of the day that I feel peaceful. Today, however, I'm everything but that. I can't seem to get everything that happened out of my mind and I also can't seem to get any of the steps right. Extremely frustrated at this point, I take a step back and start from the top but it's not long until I step a bit too quickly into one of my turns causing me to lose my balance and stumble backward.

"You're not counting" A voice suddenly says from behind me. I look up into the mirror to see Minho resting against the door with his hands crossed. "You're not counting slow enough. You hurry into the turn, that's why you're losing your balance." He continues when I don't say anything.

"What are you doing here?" I reach for my phone to turn the music off and then turn to face him.

He stares at me, almost as if I caught him off guard. "I was on my way home"

"The studio is on the other side of the campus Minho" I mirror his position, crossing my hands. "Are you stalking me or something?"

A laugh escapes him at my accusation, taking a few steps into the room. "Don't flatter yourself darling" He shakes his head, still smiling. I narrow my eyes at the nickname. I take a moment to look at him, finally under normal light. He's taller than I remember and his shoulders are wide. I can only see the outline of his body through his white shirt and grey sweatpants but I can tell that he's definitely someone who works out. I drag my eyes higher, over his chest that rises and falls at a quicker pace than normal like he's out of breath. I look at his face. Full lips, big brown eyes, and dark messy hair that's sticking into his sweaty forehead. His cheeks look like they're on fire and his jaw is tensed. A big, black bag hanging from his shoulder. I take one last look at his appearance before speaking.

"What are you doing at the dance building?" I ask again. "Were you dancing?" He's definitely dressed like a dancer.

He doesn't respond immediately. Instead, he wets his lips with his tongue and tilts his head a bit, his eyes still on me. There's something about his gaze that makes me feel intimidated. We've only seen each other 3 times and in each one of them, I've struggled to hold eye contact. His eyes are calm and completely unreadable but somehow piercing and intense. His eyes are beautiful.

"Are you not going to answer me?" I press after a few seconds of silence.

He smirks."You seem annoyed. Bad day?"

And just like that everything beautiful about him disappears and my frustration grows. His irony is something that I don't really wanna deal with right now, I would rather be alone. "Yes, today has actually been a really shitty day and your presence isn't making it better" My voice is flat.

"Really? Most people find my company quite enjoyable"

"Right, 'cause you seem like such a joy to be around." I sarcastically say.

His eyes light up slightly, at my clear annoyance. " I could say the same thing."

"You don't know me" I spit through my teeth.

"And you know me?" He snaps back without hesitation.

I take a few seconds to breathe. My chest feels heavy and the all-too-familiar knot in my stomach is tighter than ever. I've been feeling like I'm walking around the edges of a cliff for so long now, desperately trying to keep myself from falling. I need to be alone right now. "Minho, please leave, I want to be alone" I run my hands along my face and through my hair.

"It's okay you can dance in front of me, don't be shy, it looks like you could use the extra help anyway." His lips twitch with suppressed amusement.

"The last thing I wanna do is to dance in front of you and give you another reason to make fun of me. And I don't need any extra help, especially from someone that doesn't know shit about dancing." My voice comes out harsher and louder than I intended.

Minho's small smile drops and I notice the slight shift in his eyes. "I wouldn't make fun of you, As a dancer myself, I've known to respect someone else's effort and passion. " He says in a steady voice.

I pause a bit. What? "But you're studying-"

"I've been dancing since I was 4. It has been my passion for as long as I remember" He cuts me off. "But things change. People change" His eyes soften for only a second as he speaks the last words and then for the first time since he walked into the room his gaze leaves my face and travels the floor and then to the stereo in the corner of the room.

Silence takes over the room and the feeling of guilt grows in me.

"What made you change your mind about dancing?" I question lowly, trying to turn the conversation around and gather any information out of him because for some reason, I'm curious.

His eyes snap to mine as if he wasn't expecting me to press on the matter. "That's not any of your business" He repeats the words I said to him yesterday.

"As you wish" I sigh. "Could you please leave now? I need to practice" I lower the lights a bit and then reach for my phone to restart the music.

"You dance with the lights like that?' He's staring at me. His face is hard, jaw set.

"Mostly, yeah. It makes me feel more comfortable. There're no blinds in this room and people walk by all the time. I feel safer dancing like this"

The loud noise of his bag hitting the ground echoes through the quiet room. I flinch slightly at the sound and lift my eyes from my phone to see him walking towards me. He grabs my phone and presses play to the first song on the playlist that I happened to be scrolling through. He then drops the phone on my bag, turns around, and begins to walk backwards.

His eyes meet mine through the mirror. "Dance for me" His words send chills down my spine. My body doesn't move an inch, his tone and gaze making me freeze.

"I can't. " You confess after a few seconds.

"You're a dancer, and you can't dance?" His lips twitched with amusement once again.

"I'm stuck." My eyes drop to my feet. Minho's words hit me hard, they burn. 'You're a dancer', I smile to myself.

"Dancers get stuck all the time. Listen to the music, let go and dance." Minho's eyes seem softer under the dimmed light of the room and his body stiff as if he's desperately trying to control it, stopping it from moving to the music. I miss that.

"You don't understand" I shake my head. "Everything in my head is stuck, I can't dance" I swallow hard.

He cocks his head. "What do you mean? You're-"

"Yes, I'm a dancer. I am and I'm not. My feet move, they follow the steps, the perform the routines. I keep my legs straight, my toes pointed, arms light and gentle. I try to keep my smile bright and my back straight. I do everything. Yes, I'm a dancer. But I haven't danced in so long. It's like the music doesn't reach my heart anymore, my body moves mechanically and my head is always counting. I don't feel the moves, I can't dance unless it's an already choreographed piece, unless I have to perform, unless I have to be perfect for a class. I don't really see the point in trying anymore. It's not like I'll ever make it professionally." The words pour out of my mouth without my control and I feel like all the suppressed emotions and fears that I've been bottling up and keeping to myself about my future in dance are coming out. My eyes start to burn as I desperately try to control my tears. Every time I meet this man, I somehow end up like that.

"I see people like Hyunjin and Felix, and they're made for this. You can see the passion in their eyes as they dance, even if it's a small piece in class. They put everything they have into it. They dance with their heart. I miss that, so much and I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix it." I'm out of breath by the time I finish talking. And the realization that I just voiced all of this in front of Minho hits me hard. I look up at him, his eyes were clouded and his lips almost frowned. I turn away immediately. The last thing I want is people pitting me, especially him. I quickly grab my stuff and walk past him. He calls my name a few times, but I'm out of the door before he has any time to say anything else.

It's 1.30 am when I open the door of my apartment. All the lights are closed except the light in the hallway that we always leave on. A sigh of relief leaves my lips, knowing Emma is asleep. I left the studio, around 11 pm but I was so emotionally charged that I decided to take a walk instead of going straight home. Listening to music and walking around aimlessly always helps me relax. I think about a million things and nothing at the same time. I think about dance. I think about Jackson. I think about all the people that I call my friends and love more than myself but fill them with lies. So many lies about everything. The person that they call their friend; is that even me? Does anyone actually know me? At that, I probably laughed at loud. I don't even know myself, but that doesn't comfort me. I still feel like the fakest person alive. I think about Minho. I think about how rude he was the first time we met. I think about how he helped me and then how he reacted when he found out I was one of the hundreds of women that have been abused and lied to by a person they loved. Or think they loved. He called me stupid, and maybe he was right. In his eyes right now I probably seem stupid and weak, and after tonight I seem useless as well. I'm fine with it. I'm fine with Minho thinking so low of me, cause frankly, he's not anyone important to me. But the thought of everyone else thinking that way about me makes my stomach turn. Maybe that's the reason I feel so comfortable sharing so much, cause he's a stranger. With him, I don't feel the need to pretend to be someone else or cover up anything. Maybe it's the fact that he already knows or maybe I see it as a clean start considering that he doesn't really know me, either way for some reason I tend to overshare whenever I see him. As soon as I step into the shower, every muscle in my body relaxes instantly, and I stay under the hot water until it turns cold. I slipped into a huge T-shirt that I'd stolen from Chan and climb under the covers. Sleep doesn't come easily to me that night.

"What's up with you?" Hyunjin sits down next to me as I take off my shoes. I woke up 30 minutes before class and basically ran to the studio. My head was all over the place throughout the whole class and Mrs. Martin corrected me about 5 times. I don't really take corrections and criticism lightly. It's hard being a perfectionist when you're the furthest thing from perfect.

"What do you mean?" I say avoiding his eyes.

"Come on y/n." he laughs "You were off throughout the whole class, where's your head at?"

I throw my shoes in my bag, frustrated. Frustrated with myself, with my dancing skills, and with fucking Minho who's the reason I stayed up last night and didn't wake up in time. "I just didn't sleep last night, and I have a terrible headache" I mumble.

Hyunjin runs a hand through his freshly dyed blond hair and sighs. "You know you can always come to me for help, yeah?" He softly says and I know he means it in more ways than one. I've gotten really close with Hyunjin, even though I know him for only 2 years. Both he and Felix have been amazing friends to both me and Emma and I'm honestly so grateful to have people like them by my side.

"And me" Felix sits down beside me, bumping his shoulder into mine. His bright smile is enough to make my day a little better already.

"Maybe we can meet and practice together one of those days. We haven't done that in a while" Hyunjin offers. He lifts himself off of the ground and adjusts his bag on his shoulder. Me, Hyunjin, and Felix used to meet every week, sometimes twice to rehearse together. I guess you can call me lucky that 2 of my best friends are 2 of the best dancers in our class. I always feel safe dancing with them, it gave me room to get better, without feeling judged.

Felix's eyes spark with excitement. "Oh my god, we haven't done that in so long, I've missed it. I've missed us hanging out together." Sadness takes over his voice as we make our way out of the dance room. My heart tightens at the way he spoke. Felix must be one of my favorite humans ever. I haven't met a purest soul than Felix's. He's incredibly kind and thoughtful, always thinking of others first and always with a smile on his face, trying to help as much as he can whenever he can, no matter what. Chan and Felix have been friends since High School. They're incredibly close and Chan's very protective of him. Well, chan's very protective in general.

"Yes, sure we can do that" I end up saying with a smile on my face. "Just not tonight 'cause I promised chan to hang out."

"It's fine, I have plans tonight anyways." Hyunjin shrugs.

"Oh, what are you doing?" I question casually as we exit our building.

"I'll meet up with Jisoo and then I'll go for lunch with Em and Seungmin." Hyunjin says while scrolling through his phone.

"What?" I say dumbfounded. They're already hanging out altogether?

"Yeah." Hyunjin doesn't seem to notice my reaction, instead, his long fingers type something on his phone incredibly fast before speaking again.

"Anyway, I have to go 'cause I really need to shower and I only have half an hour." He swiftly kisses my forehead. "Bye." he yells as he's basically running to his car.

"He's so fucking smitten with her" Felix laughs.

"Yeah, I can see that" I nod smiling.

"Anyway," Felix focuses his gaze back on me. "If you want we can do something together." He says

I shake my head "No it's fine. I haven't hung out with Chan in a while, plus I really feel like going to the studio. It really calms me down"

Felix's eyes soften "Yeah, I know."

"But don't worry, I'll make some time for you in my super busy schedule sometime this week" I joke and my hand comes up to riffle his hair.

His face breaks into a smile. "I hope so."

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I make my way to the other side of the campus where the studio is. Chan will probably be working late tonight but I don't really have a problem keeping him company since I don't have any classes tomorrow. Plus I love spending time at the studio. I walk through the familiar hallways and stop when I reach the studio door. I lift my hand to knock but before I have the chance, the door opens wide.

"Holy shit!" Jisung flinches backwards and I try my best not to laugh in his face. "You scared the shit out of me" He places a hand over his chest.

"I'm sorry Jisung." I giggle, touching his shoulder apologetically, and walk past him, inside the studio. Chan is sitting on the couch, laptop on his legs, and headphones on.

I walk behind the couch and take them off. "Hi."

His head snaps upwards, and his features relax instantly when he sees it's me. "Hey, there best friend." He smiles at me and pulls me by my hand to sit beside him on the couch.

"What are you doing?" I move closer to him, looking at his laptop screen.

"Just working on some sounds, writing some lyrics. You know, the usual." He sighs, focusing back on what he was working on.

"Did you guys record the song you were talking about?"

"Not entirely. We've recorded Seungmin's and Jisung's parts. We've been a bit stuck on the lyrics actually." He grabs his notebook from the coffee table beside him and passes it to me. " I was hoping you could help a bit. This is what we've got so far."

I take the notebook in my hands and silently read the lyrics. Chan has a way with words like none else I've ever seen. Every time I read something he has written or he plays me songs he's working on, I'm reminded of just how talented he is.

"Chan, that's really good." I honestly say.

A hint of color appears on his cheeks. "Yeah?" He tries to hide his smile.

"Like you don't know that everything you write is fucking amazing" I push at his shoulder.

His smile grows. "That's not true"

He starts playing me all the recorded parts and I have to say, all of the guys are really good, their voices blend so well together. We spent the next 2 hours working on some of the lyrics, playing around with the music, and recording some of Jisung's and Chan's parts. Currently, Chan has gone to the bathroom and I'm on the couch with Jisung. We were supposed to continue working on the lyrics but we started talking and now I'm laughing harder than I've laughed in weeks at stories he's telling me about living with the guys.

"Oh my god, stop, my stomach hurts from laughing" I manage to say through my laughter.

"I swear, he ran around the block in his underwear, it was priceless." He shakes his head at the memory.

"You guys seem so fun."

"You should definitely come on Saturday, so you can see just how fun we are when we're drunk." He smiles. What I've noticed in the short time I've known Jisung, is that he's such a bright person. He's really easy to talk to and tries his best to make you feel comfortable. Bright eyes, and a bright smile, I enjoy being around him. He has a lot of similar qualities to Felix, they would get along well.

"I don't know," I rest my head on the back of the couch trying to catch my breath. My jaw honestly hurts from laughing. "I'm usually a really outgoing person but my social anxiety has been pretty bad lately."

"I get it," He shrugs smiling "I'm also really struggling with anxiety. Have been for years now."

"Really?" He seems so open and sociable that I would've never imagined that he's struggling with something like that.

He shakes his head, laughing. "I'm really shy and I get anxiety over every little thing." He honestly says. "I'm thankful to have people around me that you know, push me out of my comfort zone and help me get over it." My mind trails back to the conversation I had with chan the other day when he told me that Jisung and Minho are really close, and suddenly I'm curious about their relationship but I suppress it. I don't wanna seem noisy.

"Okay, I'll come," I say after a few seconds. "But I'm just letting you know that I'm going to be glued to your side the whole night." I point my finger at him.

A huge smile takes over his face making his eyes disappear. "No problem kid" He ruffles my hair.

"What are you doing here?" Minho's voice interrupts our moment. He's standing by the door, phone in his hand, dressed in black jeans and a simple white shirt that's a bit big on him. His face filled with confusion. I froze a bit not really expecting to see him here and after what happened the last time I saw him I can't stop the embarrassment that rushes through me. I didn't really think about the possibility of him showing up here, but of course, I'm at the studio where he and his friends are working on their music. Stupid.

"She's helping us with the song," Jisung speaks up and I'm grateful for it. "Chan called her."

Minho focuses back on his phone and walks to sit on the chair, facing us. He doesn't seem to share the same uncomfortable feeling I feel towards him but then again he didn't really do anything. I was the one that whined about my problems out of the blue, to a person that I hardly know and hardly cares. But still, the way his face holds the most unbothered expression that I've ever seen bothers me for some reason.

'Why does she knows about music?" He snorts.

"Do you always have to be so rude?" I glare at him.

"It's part of my charm" He smiles, only for a second, and then his face drops again.

I narrow my eyes at him "Oh please-"

"Okay, let's get back into it" Chan enters the room, interrupting me. His eyes fall on Minho, whose eyes are still on me. His face is a mixture of amusement and annoyance if that's even possible and I stare back at him, not breaking eye contact.

"Minho, " Chan pauses. "I thought you weren't coming today. "He sits back on the couch beside me.

"I didn't have anything better to do," Minho shrugs. "and Jisung told me you working on the song." He puts his phone in his pocket and leans forward.

Chan throws the notebook on the table. "This is what we have so far."

Minho grabs it and his eyes scan the page. "Okay," He simply says. "So we're basically done"

"Kinda," Chan scratches the back of his neck. "Thanks to y/n."

"You should come by more often, we could use the help" Jisung pats the back of my head. I feel like a little kid getting praised by his parents for doing the bare minimum.

"Whatever," Minho throws the notebook back on the table. "We were doing just fine. You, Chan, and Changbin are really good with lyrics." He crosses his hands.

"She's good," Chan glances at Minho. "And we could always use some extra help." He says in a steady voice. He seems to notice the clear dislike Minho has for me, not that Minho's trying to hide it in any way. It bothers me, I have to admit. I think that I've been nothing but nice to him since the night I met him a year ago, he on the other hand has been a jerk.

My phone interrupts whatever Minho was going to say. I stare at Hynjin's name with confusion. Why is he calling me? He's supposed to be on a date.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hi, am I interrupting?" His tone is rushed.

Minho is looking back at his phone and Chan turns to talk to Jisung. "Um, no what's up?"

"You won't believe who I just saw"

"Who?"

"I was leaving Jisoo's dorm and I run into that piece of shit you were dating" My grip on my phone tightens and my eyes widen.

"Jackson? What?" I say shocked. Chan's and Minho's eyes are on me. "Hold on" I mutter to Hyunjin.

"Excuse me" I get up and walk towards the door, ignoring Chan as he calls my name. I walk down the hall and once I'm far enough, I speak again.

"What happened?" I ask, trying not to sound as nervous as I am.

"Well," Hyunjin sighs "We bumped into each other in the halls." He pauses.

"And?" I say, impatiently.

"He asked me how are you doing," I release a breath at that, but Hyunjin continues. "And he also asked me if you're seeing anyone." His tone slightly changes, dropping lower.

"And what did you say?" I nervously play with the end of my shirt.

"I told him that as far as I know, you're not but either way it's none of his business" I giggle at his response. I can almost picture Hyunjin's face, saying that.

"And then he asked me who was the guy that interrupted you when you were talking and picked a fight with him." He clears his throat.

I swallow hard.

"I told him that who you're seeing is not his problem anymore and I left. But as I was walking back I kept trying to remember if you were with anyone that night, 'cause If you had hooked up with anyone, you would've told me." He pauses." First of all, what the fuck? Why were you talking to him? If you're even thinking about forgiving him, I'm done with you." He suddenly raises his voice. Even when me and Jackson were together, Hyunjin never really liked him. After we broke up, I told everyone that he cheated on me instead of the actual story.

"No, it's not-"

"And second, what the hell was he talking about? What guy?" He cuts me off. He sounds annoyed, to say the least.

"Okay, it's not what you think." I try to calm him down. "I was just getting a drink and he somehow appeared in the kitchen. He kept trying to talk to me and I kept telling him that I don't wanna hear shit but he wasn't giving up. At some point, he was almost yelling at me, and then Minho, one of Chan's friends walked in." I clarify.

"Oh, so that's the guy he was talking about?" Hyunjin says, sounding almost relieved.

"Yes. Anyway, basically Minho told him to leave me alone and Jackson was not having it. Long story short, Minho pushed him and we left the kitchen." I explain.

"Bro, that's crazy" Hynjin chuckles." I would really wanna see that."

"You were fucking Jisoo at the moment."

He just laughs at my comment. "So you and Minho?" He teases.

"No, nothing's up with me and Minho." I immediately say, rolling my eyes even though he can't see me.

"What about me?" Minho suddenly appears from down the hall and I almost drop my phone. His hands are in his sweats, a bored-looking expression all over his face as he walks toward me. I glance at him not knowing what to say and hold up a hand in front of his face, silently telling him to wait.

"Yeah sure." Hyunjin says, his voice dripping with irony.

"Really Hyunjin, nothing's up. I have to go now, have fun with Emma and Seungmin." I rashly say.

"Okay wow, rude. Fine but we'll talk about this another time." He says.

"Yeah yeah okay, bye now." I giggle and hang up. I turn to look at Minho, whose back is against the wall, his hands crossed in front of him and his face blank, simply staring at me. He's one of the people that I can never tell what they're thinking cause his face holds the same expression almost all the time. His eyes move around my face. From one eye to the other, down my lips, and back to my eyes again. He stares way too much.

"What do you want?." I speak up, feeling uncomfortable under his intense gaze.

He smiles to himself, noticing. "Were you talking about me?"

"Don't flatter yourself, darling." I smile back at him innocently, using his line. His eyes drop to the ground, and the smile on his lips grows. "I was just explaining to Hyunjin what happened."

"So you were talking to Hyunjin about what happened with your abusive ex?" He grins at me.

My eyes widen at the tone of his voice and I look around to see if anyone heard him. "Keep your voice down. " I say through my teeth, stepping closer to him.

His hands come up to his mouth. "Shit sorry, I forgot none needs to know." The amusement mixed with irony that's written all over his face makes me want to punch him right in that perfectly straight nose of his.

Instead, I narrow my eyes at him. "I told you to forget what you saw.'"

Both of his eyebrows lift up for a second. "Well yeah, but you see, your situation is really interesting to me." He uncrosses one of his hands and brings one to his chin.

"I don't care what you're interested in Minho."

"You're so defensive." He shakes his head, that stupid smile never leaving his face.

"And you are so annoying." I snap back.

"You know most women that are in situations similar to yours try to defend their partner, it's a common symptom". He shrugs.

My hands turn into fists as I try to remain calm. "I'm going to hit you." I lower my voice, glaring at him.

"No really, tell me something" He pushes himself off the wall " Why haven't you said anything to anyone?" His face changes a bit, and the smile that was on his lips slowly starts fading. "Does he have anything on you or something?"

"Minho," I sigh "I just don't want to, drop it, you're pissing me off."

He looks to the left and takes a deep breath. I can see his jaw tightening as he shakes his head and then turns to look back at me. His eyes, suddenly harder than before.

"Stop being so weak, just tell me." He spits.

His words trigger me so much that I forget about Chan and Jisung, only a door down the hall and I raise my voice. "Excuse me?"

He releases a breath through his nose and shakes his head once again, probably regretting what he just said. " Forget it" He mutters and pushes my shoulder as he walks away.

I don't move, trying to control my anger and keep myself from dragging his ass back here and asking him what's his fucking problem. I don't care if he's bored or simply just wants to fuck with someone but my personal life is none of his goddamn business. He knows nothing about me or the situation and the fact that he judges me so easily makes me wanna smack him and cry at the same time. I shouldn't care, I shouldn't, he's none to me. What makes my eyes water though is the fact that his reaction is the same that everyone would probably have if they knew.

Weak. Stupid. Pitiful.

I remained in the hallway for a few minutes to cool down a bit before returning to the studio, Thankfully Minho was not there when I got back. I couldn't stay any longer. I quickly made an excuse, that I have to study and Chan offered to drive me home, leaving Jisung to work on editing some of the pieces that they recorded.

"Thanks for the help," Chan says as he pulls up to my apartment. "Jisung loved you" His smile is soft.

"I liked him too, he reminds me of Felix" I giggle.

"Um, yeah in a way I guess" I scratch the back of his neck.

'You're really close with them huh?"

"Yeah," He nods "They get me you know? Don't get me wrong I love our friend group, but having people that have the same dreams as me is really encouraging. We connected through our love for music."

"I can tell," I shrug, knowingly. "Even by the little I've seen you guys together, I can tell how close you have gotten."

"We're all close, obviously some more than others but we're definitely a team."

"Who are you referring to?" I ask.

"Um, you know how we're all close but Felix and I are a bit close? Or me and you? Or Hynjin and Emma?"

"Yeah." I laugh.

"Well, Jisung and Minho are like me and Felix" He smiles.

"None is like you and Felix." I smile back. Chan and Felix have a connection like no other, it's truly amazing.

"True." He grins. "But they are kinda like that too. Minho has been through some stuff and Jisung was there for him."

I hate the interest that sparks inside me at his words, but I can't help as the thought of the first time I saw him brushes through my mind. I never learned his story and why he said everything he said that night.

"What happened?" I decide to ask. He stayed a mystery for a year, maybe I can finally get an answer, but Chan shakes his head.

"That's not my story to tell. You should ask him yourself if you're interested. But I'm warning you, it's hard to get him to open up about anything."

"Open up?" I scoff. "I can't even say a word to him without him picking a fight."

"He can come off a bit cold at first." Chan struggles to find the right words.

"Rude is the right word, Chan." I correct him.

Chan sighs. "Do you want me to talk to him or something?"

"Oh no," I panic a bit. "It's fine"

"Okay." He pats my head.

"I have to go, thanks for driving me. " I grab my things and get out of his car.

"Goodnight princess" He waves at me, driving off.

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milkteabinniechan · 14 days

Text

♡summer heat - hyunjin

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY

pervy roommate! hyunjin <3 ko-fi // m.list

warnings: masturbation, pillow f*cking, slight exhibitionism

Hyunjin unlocked his apartment door. He heard the clu-clunk of the lock and pushed the door aside. Summer had come swiftly and lingered long into the nights. Hyunjin welcomed the sanctuary of his air-conditioned home. He stood in front of the living room vent for a moment, letting the cool air push away the beads of sweat that were collecting on his arms and chest.

"So fucking hot" he grumbled out loud. He pressed his hand to his forehead, feeling the stickiness of his skin.

His other hand gripped the waistband of his shorts. He peeled the white shirt from off his body. Hannie and Changbin wouldn’t be home for hours, so he had the place to himself. He scanned the room, trying to figure out what to do next. He knew what he really wanted to do but he questioned if he had enough time to do it. After a few back and forth debating in his head, he ultimately decided that he deserved it. He had been working hard all day, this was a special treat.

Hyunjin made his way to his bedroom only to discover his pillow without a pillowcase. Confusion coated his face as he lifted the bedsheets and peered under the bed, but nothing. Until suddenly he remembered, a movie night from last night had left his room in complete disarray, including one pillowcase covered in soda pop and popcorn. A bare pillow was… fine. But Hyunjin knew the feel of a silky pillowcase too well to go without it. He poked his head back out toward the living room. On the couch were just a few fluffy throw pillows. He could easily snag one of those but he knew they were everyone’s pillows.

Not that everyone uses them like i want to use them now… unless?

Hyunjin shook his head at the thought. He was the only perverted pillow humper in this apartment. There was absolutely no way Han and Changbin were nasty pillow grinders too. However, the thought of both of his roommates also indulging in their more primal instincts made his cock start to twitch. His hand instinctually grazed over his shorts and moved in a swirling motion over his shaft. Sweat was still dripping from his face and neck. Then another purely devilish thought washed over him; what if he kept the couch pillows where they were, right on the couch. Only he would be there too. His cock began to twitch again.

Hyunjin found himself in front of the living room couch, both hands now precariously placed at the hem of his waistband. He positioned himself up onto the couch cushions so he was kneeling right in front of one of the throw pillows. Dark green. That’s the color everyone had decided on. Hyunjin remembers picking out all sorts of dark green things to make everything match.

This is so perverted. I shouldn’t do this. Hyunjin’s words echoed in his head as his hands worked on their own, inching down his shorts and pulling out his increasingly hard cock. He held the pulsating muscle in his hand for a moment, feeling the ba-bum of the veins running up and down. Every pulse felt like a desperate pleading cry to his brain, begging him to let his shaft grind and rut and rub. Hyunjin finally gave in.

His movements were ones of embarrassment at first. Feeling slight shame for doing this in such a public area. He closed his eyes but all he could picture was getting caught, seeing his roommates come through the front door. Hyunjin’s cock started to pulsate and pump beneath him. His mouth fell open and a boisterous moan poured from his wet lips. The heat from the day was still consuming him like a devil on his shoulder, coaxing him to go harder, push stronger. He used one hand to pull his shorts down further, freeing his ballsack completely. He let them fall into the cushioned pillow as the continued to moan and buck his hips shamelessly.

He could feel his orgasm growing out of control as he moved his head from side to side, trying to find his shirt or something- anything -to come into.

No, no, no… f-fuck… Hyunjin breathed deep as he witnessed his seed gush out of his sensitive, red tip. The dark green throw pillow now a glaringly obvious clue to what he’d done while his rommates were away. He quickly tossed the stained pillow into his room and pulled his shorts back up. Just then he heard the clu-clunk of the apartment door.

Shit.

taglist: @sugawhaaa @trixiekaulitz @chrizzztopherbang @cassidymb121 @roanns-posts

#stray kids #stray kids smut #skz smut #skz x reader #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz #skz x you #stary kids hyunjin #hyunjin stray kids #stray kids hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hyunjin hard thoughts #hyunjin drabbles #hyunjin x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x gender neutral reader #skz stay

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at1nys-blog · 5 months

Text

Masterlist

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Aespa】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Ateez】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Block B】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Dreamcatcher】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Itzy】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Mamamoo】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【MonstaX】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Stray Kids】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Twice】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Seventeen】

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ࿐ྂ 【Soloists】

Disclaimer: All members of the groups are listed starting from the leader and then based on their birthdays

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hyvnology · 1 year

Text

daylight

title: daylight

pairing(s): seungmin x reader

tags: fluff, nothing but fluff

requested by: @seunievrse

note.

guess what won out lmao,,,,, but see, seungminnie is no longer by bias wreker but i am still so so fond of this boy,,, he is so,,, sobs. it’s a bit shorter than i would’ve liked but i think that if i continued, it would be too repetative. hope you enjoy it!!!

Sometimes you wonder what your younger self would say if they saw you now.

If they saw the way you laughed, eyes crinkling and laughter loud and unconstrained. If they saw the way you danced under the stars, held in a pair of arms that were so so gentle, as if you were something precious. If they saw the way you loved, if they saw the way he loved you.

Love had been something you feared. To you, it was something that was synonymous with fear, with pain, with disappointment. Love, you used to believe, was something that made you feel like you were not enough, that you would never be enough. Love, you used to believe, was something that was as cruel as you were.

Love to you, had been something that weighed you down. It had been something that you used to fear, something that you knew would leave you bruised and broken, aching for a fantasy you couldn’t have. Love, to you, had been something that caused sleepless nights, that caused the erratic beat of your heart and the burn in your lungs.

Love you used to believe would be burning red.

Red like the fury that came with words that felt like a dagger and a gaze that made your skin crawl. Red like your wounded heart, far too frail to be given to someone but aching to be held. Red like blood staining your knuckles as crimson bled through the bandages.

Love, you thought, would be burning red; like the crimson staining your cheeks as you became the butt of the joke, like the crimson that came with puffy eyes and heartbreak when people were wounded because you were afraid, always so afraid to show them your heart.

But, it took a pair of gentle hands, it took a pair of warm brown eyes for you to know that it was golden.

Golden like the warm rays of the sunlight.

Love, you learned, is warm, it’s soft and gentle and tucked away within giggles and stolen glances. Love, you learned, is within unspoken gestures and silent supports. Love, you learned, is something that you ache, it leaves you dizzy and excited and warm.

Love you learned, is like light in the dark.

Love, you learned, is what makes him Kim Seungmin.

Kim Seungmin and his stubbornness that broke through your walls. Him with his warm embrace that felt of nothing but comfort, of safety. Him with his face tucked away on your shoulder as he shook with laughter, him with his soft hands that held you close to him, the beat of his heart echoing through your mind and lulling you to sleep. Him with his honeyed voice distracting you from the world, from your mind.

Kim Seungmin was nothing but warmth, like the rays of the sun when it hit your skin.

Kim Seungmin with his dry words that made you break into small giggles, him with his soft gaze that made you feel important, him with his fingers playing with your own, him with his soft whispers and touches that left you feeling nothing but warm warm warm-

It was like the first rays of the sun after a long night. Of warm hues of orange and red taking over the dark blues.

Kim Seungmin had been the light in your dark, he had been the one who held you, whispered sweet nothing and ran his fingers through your hair, told you you were enough even when you left that you were too much or gave too little.

Love you found, was golden.

And sometimes, sometimes you wonder what your younger self would say if they saw you now.

Maybe they’d be happy at the fact that you finally found someone who was willing to see you, someone who knew you and refused to back down, who saw your worst and still thought you were someone that could be loved.

Sometimes you wonder what your younger self would say if they saw you now, a person who defined themselves by what they loved instead of what they hated, what they feared.

Sometimes you wonder what your younger self would say if they saw you now and you know that they’d be happy at the fact that you have someone like Kim Seungmin who makes every moment of your life golden.

#skz imagines #stray kids imagines #stary kids #fluff #kim seungmin #kim seungmin x reader #seungmin x reader #skz

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seospicybin · 2 years

Text

LAST INNING.

PART II

Finale of Innings series.

Chapters: Part I

Seungmin x reader. (s,f,a) Your relationship with Seungmin shifts as you enter the real world where your expectations don’t always meet realities and it’s getting harder to keep up with your boyfriend’s rising fame as a baseball player.

Author's note: This is it! The last, last, LAST inning! It's time to say goodbye to my favorite couple and thank you to everyone who have been following Innings series from chapter 1! Ily *group hugs*

It was your very first time attending Seungmin’s baseball game.

It wasn't much different from the baseball that he did back in college but everything was bigger and greater, the crowds were passionate like their lives depend on it and you realized how big of a deal Seungmin is.

Then it hits you, he is a professional athlete now, he's a part of something bigger than what you had in mind. Maybe the fact that you had been living with him, seeing him up close and knowing him personally, better than anyone else, made you forget about all these great things he achieved.

As you saw him run across the field and scored a point for his team, finished the game with a victory, you felt immense pride for him, not as a girlfriend but as a mere spectator who knew how much he had grown.

The cheers were so loud, it was deafening and the lights shone down on him so bright.

He was shining, scintillating, almost blinding, the brightest star in your sky.

You hugged him and almost broke into tears when you finally met him after the game.

"You were amazing!" You exclaimed into his chest.

He lifted you off the ground for a few seconds then put you down again, "it was because of your good luck kiss."

You lightly punched him on the chest and quickly retracted yourself, aware of the presence of his other teammates in the room.

"Do you mind waiting a little bit more?" He asked, "I have some interviews to do."

"Oh?"

His friend whom you had dinner with a few days ago appeared behind him, putting his muscular arm around him, "and we'll have drinks after!" he added.

"Oh, hi!" You said, waving your hand at him.

Seungmin laughed at him, "No, I have to get my girlfriend home. She cooked dinner for me."

But he ignored him and looked at you, "is it okay if I take him for a few drinks tonight?" His friend asked again for your permission.

"Everyone else is also going," he gestured to all of the other members.

"Sure, of course! He doesn't need my permission," you quickly responded.

He shot you a bright smile, "you got a good girlfriend here," he beamed at Seungmin.

"But please bring him back in one piece!" You said to his friend.

He gave you a thumb up and left to tell the other.

Seungmin shook his head at you, "I want to stay at home and eat dinner with you," he said.

"Come on! We all know my cooking is not that great," you playfully remarked and let him squeeze both of your hands.

He brought your hands to his mouth and kissed your knuckles, "it's not that great but it's alright."

You gently pushed him and took a step back, "you're so not getting any tonight," you taunted.

He quickly pulled you close by your hand, "then I'll be the one giving it to you," he whispered into your ear.

You bit your lower lip, holding the urge to squeal at his seductive words, and pushed him just a little harder this time.

You immediately gave him a quick peck on the lips, "Have fun!"

He rummaged inside his duffel bag and pulled out his car key, "take the car and be careful," handed the keys to your hand.

You stood on your tiptoe and briefly kissed him on the cheek, waving your hand at him as you exited the room.

Seungmin successfully avoided getting drunk but he was tipsy enough to enter the passcode two times and succeed on the third try.

He was mostly tired because it had been a long day, he kicked his shoes off and dropped his things on the floor, promising to take care of it tomorrow.

The apartment was dark but he could see that the light was still turned on in the bedroom, he went in and saw you were already sleeping but forgot to turn off the bed lamp and a book left unopened next to your head.

He smiled, guessing that you fell asleep while reading a book then looked at you sleeping so peacefully with one side of your face on the pillow like that, lost in what he hoped was a sweet dream.

He took the book to put it away until he saw something sticking out in between the pages, a piece of paper and he pulled it out to see that it was a train ticket.

His heart sank and thought, this was it. The date printed on it must be the day that you'll finally leave him.

He stared at it for a good while and the date had been grimly stared back at him, warning him that he only have a few days to keep you here.

He put the ticket back inside the book and put it on the bedside table.

He held you so close on the bed that night, knowing that he would not be able to do that in the upcoming days.

You stirred in your sleep and mumbled something he didn't understand but put your hand on his chest.

He pulled you closer, held you tighter, and put his head in the crook of your neck, "stay close to me," he softly said with a kiss on your temple.

He woke up with you sleeping on his back with your hand playing with the hair on the back of his neck.

Turning his head to the side to look at you, instead of your bright smile which he always sees the first thing in the morning, you were pouting at him.

"Good morning!" He said, slowly turning on the bed to face you.

You didn't say anything but overlapped his body with yours then propped your chin on his chest.

It was obvious that you were upset about something and it got him started thinking of things that cause it, "are you upset because I came home late?"

You shook your head.

He glanced at the clock on the bedside table and saw it was almost 10 am.

"Because I overslept?" He tried again.

You shook your head again, "close but not exactly it,"

Seungmin gently brushed your hair with his fingers, "because I didn't give you one tonight?" He tried again with an eyebrow raised.

You scoffed at him, "that too but no."

He put his hands and cupped your hands, "can you tell me what is it so I can make it right?"

Seungmin was always soft-spoken but he always knew when to use it on you. He put on a sweet smile and caressed your cheek, softening you with endearing gestures like this.

"You promised that we'll have a picnic today," you finally answered with a frown.

His eyes widened in surprise and his hand flew to his forehead, "oh, I forgot about it!"

He put his hands around you and pulled you into a hug, "I am so sorry," he sincerely apologized.

He tilted your head up, "Why didn't you wake me up? We could have left early this morning!"

"How can I wake you up when you're sleeping so well?" You whined and sulked at once.

"Then let's just go now, I think we can still make it if we leave now," he put the duvet away.

He scrambled to get off the bed but you stopped him and pulled him down back onto the bed, "it's okay. We don't have to go today," you told him.

"Why?" He asked while laying next to you on the bed.

"Don't you see? It's going to rain," your head gestured to the window with the skyline in a shade of gray.

Seungmin sighed and was partly relieved that it wasn't entirely his fault that that plan was canceled.

"Do you want to do something else then?" He asked, kissing your neck with a hand on your stomach.

You turned your head to meet his mouth and locked lips with him, "let's just stay in. Just us two," you said with a smile.

"Sounds good to me," he agreed.

You stayed on the bed looking out the window as the sky turned darker and darker until the rain came down with the raging wind.

Seungmin had been searching for the right opportunity to talk to you about the train ticket but every time the chance came up, he couldn't bring himself to talk about it.

"I think I should dip it into the sauce first, you think?" You asked as you held a piece of chicken but wondered which sauce you should try first.

When you looked at Seungmin, he was staring at you yet his head was drifting somewhere.

You gently touched his forearm and squeezed, it seemed to work to snap him out of his daze.

"You've been doing that the whole day," you told him then placed a piece of chicken on his plate.

"Doing what?"

"Staring at me but not saying anything," you answered and finally settled on a sauce to dip your chicken into.

"It's nothing," he answered.

"It's never nothing," you said with a glare.

You put down your food and leaned forward at him, "do you have something to say to me?"

Again, Seungmin couldn't bring himself to talk about it because addressing it only meant that he got to readily accept the truth that you'll be leaving him soon.

Seungmin smiled most convincingly, "it's just that I've been eating a lot today and I have to work out harder tomorrow," he lied.

"Only think of the food you're enjoying today. You can think about working out tomorrow," you said with a grin.

The were so many chances to tell you about it and he missed it, or purposely missed it.

To be exact, Seungmin was avoiding the topic.

You watched a movie together on the sofa after dinner with you sitting with him, resting your back on his chest while sharing a blanket.

He called your name and you looked over your shoulder at him, "yes?"

He retreated again and placed a sweet kiss on your lips instead.

And it was Seungmin’s turn to be clingy to you, holding you close and kissing you at every opportunity.

You had mistaken it for him being needy for you, "and you said you're the one who will be giving me one," you teased.

Seungmin couldn't say no to you fucking him and he got to lay back, watching you move against him and touching yourself right before his eyes.

You angled his head to meet your gaze, "you don't like it, baby?"

Seungmin’s anxiety was visible and it was impossible for you to not notice.

"I like it so much," he sincerely said.

Sex with you will always be something and he will truly enjoy every second of it.

He hurriedly put his arms around you, touching you right like he always does on you, and kissed you so deep that you ran out of breath in a matter of seconds.

"You feel so good," he said with a kiss on your neck.

"You always know how to make me feel good,"

His words riled you up the best way and made you quicken the pace with your hands on his shoulders for support.

"I love everything about you," he cooed.

"You mean so much to me, you know that?" he said next.

You abruptly stopped moving at the turn of mood as his face turned serious all of a sudden.

You went to hold his face with your hands, "Seungmin..." you softly called him.

"What is it?" You genuinely asked him this time, rubbing his jaw with your thumb.

He sighed, guessing that he couldn't get away from it anymore, and kissed you on the lips before speaking.

"I saw the train ticket," he finally admitted.

And you understood why he acted slightly strange today, "oh Seungmin, baby," you cooed.

"I was about to tell you about it, I swear," you quickly told him before he hastily pulled a conclusion out of it.

"I know," he said.

"I just... I hate knowing that you'll be leaving me soon," and it felt like someone had just punctured his lungs and air kept coming out of them, making it harder to breathe.

You put your forehead on him, "but I'm not leaving you," you said.

You put a few inches of space between your face and looked down at his face, into his gleaming eyes, "No matter where I'll be, I'll always be yours," you assured him.

You took his hand and put it on your chest where your heart lies beneath, "I will always be yours."

Seungmin sighed again and put his hand away to replace it with his head, pushed so close to your chest.

"I want you to stay with me," he said with so much despair.

"If you want me to stay then I'll stay with you," You told him, genuinely not opposing the idea if he wanted you to stay, "I believe we can arrange a few things to make it work."

He took your hands and sighed, he knew that would be so selfish of him and unfair to you.

He shook his head, "I don't want to get in the way of you achieving your dreams."

You put your forehead on him, "you will never be in my way, you are a part of my dreams."

Seungmin kissed your collarbone and sighed, "I don't want to lose you."

"You'll always have me," you assured him.

He looked up at you, "Promise?"

"I promise," you answered without a beat.

Then sealed the deal with a kiss.

Seungmin treated the last days he had to spend with you like it was the last days he would have with you on earth.

He made the most of his days and fill them with your smiles and laughs, kisses and touches in between.

He tried to imprint everything into the back of his head, bad or good, everything that made each moment he spent with you precious.

"Baby, wake up," he softly said with a hand caressing your head.

You sleepily smiled at him and caught the clock on the bedside table showing it was barely 6 in the morning, "it's early," you mumbled.

"But we have to leave early," he said to you.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "are we going somewhere today?"

He nodded while smiling like a puppy.

He let you sleep some more on the ride to where he wanted to take on a picnic he promised long ago, using his jacket as a blanket.

It was the place that his teammate recommended, it was a nature park with a beautiful lake. The warm sunrays hit your face so beautifully, making you glow and forming a halo around your head.

"You're so beautiful," it came out of his mouth naturally like that.

You groaned, "oh please, I just woke up from napping in the car," and went to hug him, still drowsy.

You took a long walk around the park and enjoyed the greenery that slowly made you feel refreshed with Seungmin holding your hands along the way.

He spotted the lake and suggested getting on one of the boats.

"This not a good idea," you said as you get on the boat and it went unstable after you placed one foot in.

Seungmin tightly held the boat as you got in, "I'll keep it steady, go on," he encouraged you.

You hesitated but seeing Seungmin held the boat with so much strength like that, you hurriedly got in and carefully sat on it.

Seungmin got in next and you gripped the boat, afraid that it would topple to the side, dumping you both into the water.

You sighed once Seungmin sat in front of you and started paddling with the oars.

You looked at him and smiled, his dark hair shining under the pale morning sun.

"This is so nice," you beamed while looking out at the view.

Seungmin stopped paddling and just stayed there. The water was still and it was so quiet, it was just you and him in the middle of the lake.

It was the comfortable kind of quiet, the kind that didn't conjure questions, you were there and be one with nature.

Seungmin held both your hands and leaned forward, you knew what he was trying to say without needing to speak and then smiled at him.

You both leaned in until your lips met in the middle then melted into a kiss.

"I love you," he said against your lips.

"I love you," you said back.

You didn't need to say it out loud for the world to know, all you needed was a little quiet and two open hearts, beating as one.

Seungmin was surprisingly calm when he watched you get into the taxi that would take you to the train station because you refused his offer to take you himself.

He gave you a long, lingering kiss on the lips to finally let you go with a wave bye at you.

And he thought maybe the relationship was also growing as you both get older.

But when he came back home after a long day of practice that was when it hit him.

The absence of you made a big hole in his chest, and no matter how many times he took a deep breath, he felt breathless.

It felt as if you brought all the air with you when you left.

"I hope your phone is broken because I'll not accept any other reason for why you never called!"

Seungmin was at his breaking point.

He was so close to losing it from the lack of phone calls from you and when he called, you were always busy and the conversation could only go on as much.

He heard your beautiful laugh through the phone, the sound that he feels like an old song he used to listen to.

"I'm sorry, baby." You apologized quickly.

"I've been busy and I have to finish a few works early so everything would be done once you got here," you explained the reason why you rarely called.

The reminder that he'll be coming home soon felt like a breath of fresh air.

He counted down the days until the baseball season finished and after that, it will be just you and him.

"I can't wait to see you," you cooed at him with a sigh that he understood really well, full of longing.

"I can't wait either," he cooed back while staring at the ceiling of his room and picturing your face that started to fade in his mind.

"I can't wait to kiss you, hug you..." you listed all of the things you wanted to do to him, "go on a date with you..."

Seungmin imagined all of those things in his head like a film montage.

"And at the end of the night," you paused to let out a low giggle, "have you on my bed so I can have you..."

Seungmin swallowed air, knowing where the conversation would go.

"In my hand, in my mouth..." you seductively sighed and he remembered the face you made when he made love to you, low moans spilling out of your mouth slightly parted open.

"Inside me..." you said into the phone with a low gasp.

Seungmin’s hand gripped the sheet he was sleeping on while trying to control his urge to fuck you right that very second.

"Don't you miss being inside me, baby?"

You were good at diverting his attention, he was planning on scolding you but ended up craving your body and wanting to fuck you.

But he couldn't lie, months without your touch or touching you took a toll on him.

"Yeah," he breathlessly said because that was how desperate he was.

"I miss your hands on me..." your voice sultry, inviting.

Seungmin closed his eyes and thought of his hands on your smooth skin, whimpering at how much he wanted to touch.

"Your big, warm hands on me..." you sighed into the phone.

The temptation was bigger than he could handle.

"I want to touch you." He blurted out deep from within him.

He heard your smile in response.

"Yeah? Touch me where?"

"I want to touch you all over," he said with eyes screwed shut because it became so frustrating to him, to say but not do.

You let out a low sigh then he heard a few rustles, then someone else spoke into the phone, "in this house, we keep it PG-13!"

Seungmin kind of guessed who intruded on the conversation and that would be your new roommate. You told him about getting a place together with Kim.

He heard laughs and then more rustles, "Baby, I'm so sorry. It's Kim!"

Seungmin sighed in annoyance, "yeah, I know."

"She really doesn't know what personal space is," you complained.

"That's okay," he comforted you.

There was a second of silence until you called his name.

"Seungmin?"

"Yes?"

"I can't wait to see you..." you said again.

"Me too."

And it felt good to know that he wasn't the only one holding his breath with this distance that tore the two of you apart.

It felt good knowing that despite all of that, your heart still belongs to him and he belongs to you.

On the day he arrived back, you couldn't pick him up at the train station. He spent a day with his parents before going to your house since you told him to wait for you there.

Someone opened the door with an unfriendly expression.

"Oh, Seungmin! What a joy!" Kim said with a deadpan expression.

"I'm so happy to see you too, Kim!" Seungmin returned with a thin smile.

But still, she gave Seungmin a quick, friendly hug and led him inside, serving him a cup of tea because she was making a cup for herself when he rang the doorbell.

"She will be home soon!" Kim said, eating a cookie while leaning against the kitchen island and reading something on her iPad.

"Is she always come home late?"

He wouldn't consider 10 pm as late but he was curious, you were working as an assistant to Kim's brother who is an author. He didn't think that the job would require you to work past the working hours.

"No," Kim answered, "It's just that sometimes my brother needs her to do a few things immediately."

Kim put the tablet away and got a stool for herself to sit on, "most of the time, she worked in his house and do boring things for him," she explained to him.

"Boring things?"

"You know like proofread his writings, make copies, check his emails, all that boring stuff," she answered in slight interest.

Kim dusted her hands after finishing her cookie, "no need to worry much. I take care of her well," she confidently said with a grin.

Seungmin suddenly felt awful for not asking about her of all things, "How about you, Kim? Are you doing good?"

"Same old, same old," she sighed and drank her tea. She picked up her phone and pulled up a picture on the screen, showing it to him.

"I have a girlfriend now," she bragged to him.

Seungmin smiled in approval and nodded, "not bad!"

"She's clever and cute," Kim said while foolishly smiling looking at her significant other's photo.

"You're not the only lovey-dovey in the house," she added with a sneering smile.

Seungmin chuckled in response, "I'm happy for you, Kim!" He said, genuinely happy for her.

"Thanks!" She said back with a bright smile.

When his tea had almost gone cold and Kim was lying on the sofa, half through the movie she was watching, you finally came.

Seungmin shot up from the sofa and stood there by the threshold waiting for you.

It happened so fast but he was sure you sprinted your way to him the second you opened the door, you didn't even take off your shoes first.

It all came rushing back like floodwater, the smell of you that instantly put him at ease and just the whole you, your presence that he yearned for months.

Seungmin opened his mouth to speak but you started to peck his face with kisses and finished with a kiss on his lips.

"I miss you so much!" You said as you pressed another kiss, a lingering one until your lung burned for oxygen.

"I miss you too!" He said back, wrapping his hands around you and hoisting your body against him, closer and closer.

This still felt like a dream to him, your face leaning so close to his and those lips that he could taste as much as he want.

He let himself go and let you fill him with warm feelings again, making him the most loved and happiest person all over again.

"This is getting above PG-13, please get a room!" Kim grumbled without looking your way.

You let go of him and grabbed his hand, "we're about to!" You told her.

You pulled him in the direction of your bedroom while giggling and closed the door behind you, turning around to face him with a sly smile on your face.

"Sorry for making you wait," you said as you approached him, pushing him until he plopped down on your bed.

"That's okay," he replied.

You got on his lap and he helped you by holding you by your waist.

"How's your day?" He asked.

You put a finger on his lips, "shh... we can talk later!"

Seungmin never thought that he would be able to get so turned on so fast, but maybe because he had been dreaming of fucking you that made it possible.

Your body, oh... it felt like he saw and touched it for the first time again.

Your skin was so soft to the touch it got him whimpering, your lips that he couldn't get enough to kiss, and your warm erratic breath on his shoulder as you buried your head in his neck.

You didn't hold back letting out those lewd noises as you bounced on his cock.

Fucking never felt this amazing that none of you have anything to say.

The way his cum filled you full said it all and you kept fucking until you tire yourselves out, passed out on the bed.

The morning sun that woke him up didn't stop you from continuing last night, laying on your stomach and watching him sleep for a while.

"Good morning!" You greeted him with a smile.

He placed a hand on your back and sleepily scratched your skin with his fingertips, "Morning!" He slurred his reply.

He rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was late for him who usually woke up early for practice. He must have slept so well.

"What are you doing?" He asked as you kept staring at him.

"Watching my boyfriend's beautiful face," you answered with a giddy smile.

He couldn't help but smile back and this was the kind of morning that would kick-start a perfect day.

He brought his face close and kissed you, letting the kiss take things where he wanted it to take him.

Your hand went under the cover and made its way to his member, hardening at every gentle stroke you made on it.

As the moment began to heat, the door flung open and Kim barged her way in, plopping on the bed next to you.

"I'm getting my girlfriend a gift," she announced, not bothered to read the room first or that the two of you were naked under the duvet.

She showed something on her phone at you, "which one is better? The earrings or the necklace?"

You swiped the screen on her phone and made a quick judgment, "the necklace!"

Kim turned the phone to Seungmin, "what about you, Seungmin!"

It took him aback for a second, "I vote for the necklace too!" He hastily decided, afraid that she would notice your hand still stroking his cock under the duvet.

"Okay! The necklace it is!" She exclaimed and typed something onto her phone.

"Can you go now? We're in the middle of a thing here!" You nagged her and Kim immediately got up from the bed.

"You guys can go back to fucking now!" She said, a second before closing the bedroom door.

Seungmin sighed and let his head fall onto his pillow, "is this what you deal with every morning?"

"24/7 actually!" You replied with an exasperated sigh.

"I think we should get up and get breakfast," he suggested, stretching his arms to the air.

You scooted closer and overlapped half of his body with yours, "not yet," you said with a seductive smile, "we still have a lot of catch-ups to do."

Seungmin chuckled and without warning, flipped you over, had you pinned under him.

"But we can talk about that later," he said while slowly lowering his mouth on you again.

The fucking wouldn't come to an end if none of you suggested spending the rest of the day out.

You drove Kim's brother's car that he assigned for you so it would be easy for you to get around when he needs you to run some errands.

It was only a few months but Seungmin could see the slight changes in you, for example, you got confident in your driving when it used to make you nervous.

The two of you went to places you used to have your dates in and went to the batting cage where he taught you how to bat for the first time.

"The loser has to pay for ice cream?" You challenged him.

Seungmin took it without any hint of hesitation and took the first turn.

You did well despite haven't played for a while, won the bet and you knew it was actually him letting you win.

The owner of the place recognized Seungmin as the major league baseball player and asked for an autograph to hang on the wall.

Seungmin was more than pleased to do it and earned a proud smile from you.

You picked two flavors of ice cream while Seungmin chose the classic chocolate one. You were stealing a spoonful from Seungmin’s cup when your phone rang in your purse and you hurriedly picked it up.

It was Kim's brother asking you to pick up files from the publisher.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your date!" Kim's brother said as he went to the driveway and took the files from you.

"It's alright. It was right on our way," you responded.

Kim's brother glanced at Seungmin and offered a handshake with him, "Nice to see you again!"

"Nice to see you again!" He said back and shook his hand with him.

"I'll let you get back to your date!" He quickly said.

He patted your hair before you turn to leave, "Thank you for the files!"

"No worries!" You replied.

The date continued with dinner just the two of you, you even turned off your phone to not let anyone interrupt your intimate time together.

"Should we order wine?" You asked.

"Oh, wait! I'm driving!" You said before Seungmin could mutter an answer.

"I can drive for us," he filled the request without you asking him first.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded.

You shook your head and decided not to order wine, "I'm not going to drink if you're not."

You flipped open the menu and went straight to the selection of desserts, "but I'll order two extra desserts," you remarked with a scrunched nose at him.

The dinner was nothing but a pleasant date, you catch up on months' worth of updates on each other's life and the conversation went on as your stomach filled with delicious food.

The dessert plates were empty, the candle was laying low and your hands were intertwined on the table, just looking into each other's eyes.

"I love you," you mouthed.

He lifted your hand and kissed it, "I love you too."

You both smiled at each other and felt contented, full to the brim with every good feeling that was known to exist.

Seungmin drove the car back home while you sat on the passenger's side, it felt so nostalgic and nice, like everything finally was right where it belongs.

The two of you were lying on the bed after a day well-spent, the bed was big but your bodies pushed so close against each other like one of you would drift away if there ever was a space in between.

"Can I be honest with you?" You asked.

Your head was resting on his chest and purring like a cat, you turned your head his way to look at him.

"Sure," Seungmin answered while brushing the end of your hair with his fingers.

"I used to be so scared that things would change," you began and put your hand under your chin, "but now, I don't feel that way anymore."

"That's good!" Seungmin commented.

"I mean, I'm not my best self yet but this, what I have now... this is nice," you said.

He lifted his head to plant a kiss on your forehead, "or maybe you have found your best self that makes you feel that way."

You took his words and let them sink in, then smiled.

"Or maybe," you overlapped his body with yours and put your hands around him, "I am my best self when I'm with you."

Maybe that was true.

You always brought out the best but also the worst in him, or a mix of the two.

But that was also what made you the best part of his life.

After spending two nights in your place, Seungmin had to go back home for a family trip. You understood that he was also needed by his family and you couldn't be selfish about it.

He came out of the bathroom and saw you sitting on the bed with his varsity jacket on.

"It's mine!" You claimed before he agreed to it.

Seungmin could only chuckle in defeat, "what can I say? It's yours!"

You bounced on the bed like a little kid with a wide grin plastered on your face.

He crawled onto the bed and planted a kiss on your lips, "I'll be back on your birthday!"

You invited him for the birthday dinner at your parent's house just like the one you did last year.

"Don't forget the birthday gift too," you playfully remarked while tilting your head up to face him and letting him plant more kisses on you.

"Noted!" He responded with a soft kiss on your lips.

A lot more kisses later, Seungmin got up from the bed and gathered his things from the bedside table.

"Have fun on your family trip!" You said to him as you lay down back on the bed and pulled the duvet up to your chest, waving your hand at him.

He stood by the doorway with his hand lingering on the doorknob, feeling a bit melancholic to part with you again even though it was only for a few days.

"See you again!" He said while thinking how sweet it would be when the two of you meet again.

The reality didn't meet his expectation, not only that the flight from his family got delayed, he had to tackle a long traffic jam to get to your parent house.

That resulted in him coming late to your birthday dinner, you opened the door while softly laughing and your cheeks a bit blushing, he took it that you were already a few glasses of wine into the dinner.

"Are you okay? Did something happen on the way?" You asked in a slight concern and without warning, went to kiss him.

He was unprepared and the kiss landed on the corner of his mouth.

"Oops!" You laughed it off and tried again, leaning in at him, letting him kiss you this time.

He held your face and tenderly kissed you, making you smile against his lips.

"Happy birthday!" He muttered when he let go of the kiss.

You grabbed both of his hands and looked into his eyes, sharing an intimate moment with just the two of you in it that leads to another long, sweet kiss.

"Come on! Everybody's here!" You said, pulling him behind you and taking him to the dining table filled with people.

Your parents, your sister, Kim, and her girlfriend, he also spotted Kim's brother sitting next to a girl he had never seen before.

A conversation was going on at the table and everyone was laughing, when you announced his arrival, it made him feel like he was interrupting something.

He hurriedly greeted everyone and muttered his apologies at the same time, sitting on the only empty chair next to you and Kim.

"Should I bring you the appetizer or do you want to go straight to the main course?" You asked him, a hand lingering on his shoulder.

So, he was indeed a meal late into the party.

"I'll have what everyone is having," he sheepishly answered.

Your mother got up from her chair and offered to be the one going to the kitchen to take it.

"No, mom. It's okay, I can do it," you left to the kitchen and Kim kindly poured him a glass of wine.

"It's the fire at the city junction, yeah?" She said, refilling her wine glass after filling her girlfriend's.

Seungmin tipped his head to the side in confusion, still adjusting himself to the scene.

"There's traffic because of the fire at the city junction," Kim's brother gave him the full context.

"Yeah," he replied and took a sip of his wine.

"We saw it on the news earlier," your mother said to him.

Seungmin nodded, "I drove as fast as I could," he explained even though no one was asking why he was late.

"We're just glad you arrived safely!" Your father kindly said.

The food was served in front of him then you sat next to him, also going back to your unfinished meal and everyone moved on to another topic since your mother asked Kim's brother how he met his girlfriend, the girl whose Seungmin had never seen.

Everyone was having a good time, even your sister seemed to enjoy it or maybe she got along just fine with Kim's brother.

But Seungmin couldn't join in on the talk and could only smile along, nodding in agreement, he felt a little out of it the whole time he was sitting there at the dining table.

Kim brought out the birthday cake and everyone sang for you, you clasped your hands together with your eyes closed and made your wish that no one knows except you.

You glanced at him and he flashed a smile at you, then you blew the candles off.

Birthday greetings, cheers, and wine glasses clinking, everyone started to take out their gifts for you. Seungmin decided to be the last one to present his birthday gift to you.

You got a holiday package from your parents, money sent to your account by your sister and a new bag from Kim and her girlfriend, then when it came to Kim's brother's present, everyone got curious.

"It's not actually a gift because it's mostly you doing the work," he said as he took the paper bag his girlfriend handed him.

He saw you smiling in excitement as the anticipation in the room heightened at the first sight of the gift, a rectangular-shaped gift in plain brown wrapping paper.

"You know, you don't have to get me any presents," you said to him.

"I told you, it's not really a gift!" He said again.

You took it from him and impatiently unwrapped the gift, there was a loud squeal as you ripped through the wrapping paper.

"No way, no way..." you kept repeating the words over and over again as the gift started to reveal itself.

Seungmin noticed that it was a book, he couldn't read the title since you immediately flipped it open to the table of contents, and another loud squeal came out of you.

"What is it? What is it?" Kim asked in curiosity and took the book from you.

"But how- How did you-" you got speechless and overwhelmed, a hand propping against your forehead in awe.

Kim let out a loud gasp and surprised the whole table, she shot up from her chair, then said, "excuse my language, but bitch, you are a published writer now?!"

She showed the book to everyone, a compilation of short stories, and your name is written as one of the authors.

Kim's brother laughed, satisfied that he picked the right time to announce it.

"I couldn't help it, your writing is so good so I submitted it for my friend who happened to be collecting short stories and he likes it as much as I do," Kim's brother elaborated.

His girlfriend chimed in from beside him, "Congratulations!"

Everyone followed suit and congratulated you while you still couldn't believe it yourself, your mouth still hung open in slight shock.

Everyone filled their glass with more wine and made a toast to your new title as a published writer.

Seungmin raised his glass as well while his other hand gripped the birthday gift so tightly under the table.

It was your birthday, after all, it was only right that you are the happiest person on that day.

You sent everyone off when the party ended, thanking everyone for coming, and waited until their cars left the vicinity.

He watched your sister talk to you and hugged you before leaving, a sight that Seungmin believed is a rare one.

He smiled when you came his way, half running to go into his hug and smiling with so much giddiness, that he felt just as happy as held you in his arms.

"Did you enjoy the party?" You asked him.

He nodded.

You cracked another laugh and held your cheeks, "I still can't believe it..." you said with a tone of awe and disbelief.

"I'm happy for you," he genuinely said.

"Yeah?"

He nodded again.

You went to hug him again and wrapped your hands around his waist, absorbing the heat of his body.

Seungmin couldn't get it out of his head and he felt the need to ask the question, "why didn't you tell me about your writings?"

You pulled away from the hug, "I've been writing all these times," you simply answered.

"Have you ever thought that maybe I would be interested to know about your writings?"

You flinched a little and took a step back, "are you mad because I didn't tell you?"

"I'm not mad, I'm just..." Seungmin paused to take a deep breath and gathered his thoughts, putting them nicely so you would get what he means.

"Can't you just be happy for me?" You said, your face contorted and serious.

Seungmin recognized the face that he never wanted to see on you, "that's not what I mean," he said.

"Even my sister congratulated me! She hugged me and she never hugged me in years," your voice broke at the end of the sentence, and your eyes turned glassy as tears welling in them.

He took your hands and regretted letting the question out of his head, "You know I don't have any other intention-"

"Why do you have to remind me that I'm just your loser girlfriend?"

"Loser?" He snapped, strongly disagreed with you.

He brought his face close to you and held your arms, "you are everything to me, except that!" He remarked.

You started crying when he pulled you into his hug, he held you so tightly and felt so stupid for making you cry on supposed to be the happiest day of your life.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry!" He kept muttering to you with his mouth pushed onto the top of your head and rubbing your back.

"I'm sorry for making you upset, I'm sorry, baby!"

"I'm sorry, please stop crying!"

He held your face with both hands and looked at your tears-streaked face, his heart shattered knowing that he made you sad.

"I love you so much," he said and kissed your wet cheek.

"You are everything to me!"

"I'm sorry..."

"I love you."

Fear crept in as each love confession was left unanswered.

He tilted your face with a hand under your chin and stared into your teary eyes, then tried again, "I love you."

He said it with everything he got in him that it drained all out of his emotions in him, tears caught up in his throat as he spoke.

"I love you," you finally said back with a trembling voice.

And Seungmin felt like he was breathing air for the first time in his life.

"I'm sorry I'm ruining your birthday," he apologized again and kissed your forehead.

He put his forehead on yours and sighed, "why don't I drive you home and I'll do something to make up for what I did?" He said with a soft smile.

You smiled back at him while wiping your tears with your knuckles, "I'm sleeping in my parent's house tonight," you croaked.

"Oh, okay," Seungmin responded, a little disappointed that he couldn't spend the night with you.

He consoled himself by kissing you despite the tears drying on your cheeks.

He was putting your hair behind your ears when you asked him, "aren't you going to give me my birthday gift?"

"I was in a rush to get here. I forgot to take it with me," he lied, the birthday gift was inside the inner pocket of his suit jacket and it kept weighing him down the longer he kept it hidden from you.

"That's strike one!" You playfully said with a low laugh.

Seungmin laughed along because of the use of baseball term that fits right to the situation, he was aware of the mistake he did, making you cry and lying about the birthday gift.

That earned him a strike one.

"I'll do better next time," he said while cupping your cheek in his hand and tenderly kissing you again.

He still has two more chances to do the right thing.

It had been months since the last time Seungmin saw his old baseball teammates back in university.

His teammates planned a night out for him, reminiscing the good ole times and catching up.

He took you with him but as the night went and more beers were served to the table, he got lost in the conversations, at the moment.

Only realized that you were gone when you said you needed to go to the restroom but didn't come back to the table.

"Have you seen my girlfriend?" He asked his friend, Lee, who was half drunk and laughing.

"Huh? Your girlfriend? I don't know.... bathroom, I guess?" He got confused by such a simple question.

He shoved him to the side and got up from his seat, checked the bathroom first before getting out of the restaurant to find you leaning against the wall with your hands deep in your jacket pockets.

"What are you doing outside?" He asked as he came up to you, the night was cold and he wondered how long you've been out.

"Just took a phone call," you simply answered.

He stood facing you and gently touched your cheeks, warming them with his hands. He didn't want to guess but it seemed to him that you didn't want to be there.

"Are you bored?" He asked.

You sniffled before answering, "it's not like they're here for me," you said while looking down at the ground.

"They didn't even know that I'm gone," you added with a small smile.

Seungmin closed in the gap and stood closer to you, "but I do."

You put on another small smile for him, "but you don't need me here anyway."

It became apparent that his presence was only burdening you lately and it drove him further away from you.

He saw how his roles were taken by someone else, he shouldn't be unhappy or selfish, but he didn't like how it made him feel like he no longer holds a place in your life anymore.

It scared him, it scared him shitless to think that you don't need him anymore.

"I will always need you!" The cold air he sharply inhaled pierced his lungs when he said those words with so much force.

His eyes looked into your two orbs like two magic balls that could tell his fortune and you only stared back at them not wanting to tell what the future holds for him.

He held your face in his hands like you were a stalk of a delicate rose.

"I need you," he said again and it was okay for him that the thorns sliced through his hands as he touched you.

"Seungmin..."

The way you called his name with that defeated sigh made his insecurities take over him, "you don't need me anymore?"

You held his hands, "I didn't say that," you answered.

He almost broke down right then, right there if your answer was the one he feared it would be. He melted into your arms and for a second, didn't care how much he weighed on you by putting all of him on you.

Just for this once, he wanted to be held and comforted loved.

He didn't want to think of how your answer didn't fully satisfy or assured him.

"Let's go home!" He muttered to your ear.

"What about your friends?" You asked, still with your arms wrapped around him tightly.

"I only need you," he responded, staying in your embrace for as long as he could.

He wanted to go home and make love to you, making you feel seen and acknowledged, admired and adored, pleased and loved just the same before he left and the distance did cruel to the two of you.

His mouth buried on the delicate thing between your legs, his hands curved under your thighs while his hands cupped your soft mounds.

His hot, slick tongue endlessly lapped your wetness over and over again, never getting enough of your taste.

His head filled with nothing but the will to fuck all these lapses in your relationship out of you and make you his again that he lost himself in it, thrusting into you a little too hard that you cried underneath him.

He abruptly stopped moving and went to kiss you, "sorry baby, did I get too rough on you?" His voice tinted with worries.

You shook your head and kissed him back, "No, this is what I need."

And he was more than eager to fulfill your need.

He took your hands and clasped them together so tightly on the bed, pinned them next to your head.

He picked up the pace once more, this was probably what he needed because hearing you calling his name in neediness got him feeling needed.

He knew you were being needy for the physical needs but it was better than being nothing to you.

"Oh my God, oh, Seungmin!" Your voice broke at the end with your head buried deep in his neck as you climaxed.

He could feel it too, your walls fluttering around and sucking him deeper.

He put all of his into the last few thrust to also cum inside you, your legs locked around his waist and letting him empty his seed deep inside you.

Your mouths met in an enamoring, sloppy kiss that slobbers all over your mouth.

"I love you," he said as he pressed another hard kiss on your lips.

"I love you too," you finally said back and closed your eyes as if the reality was a painful thing to see.

This felt like strike two to him.

And that means he only has one chance left to make it right again.

Was it too much to ask if he wanted a peaceful morning and cuddling with you on the bed?

"It's only 7 am," he sleepily said while getting up from the bed.

You slipped into a sweater, "yes, but he'll be having an early meeting with his agent and I have a lot to prepare," you explained then went to comb your hair while looking at the mirror.

Seungmin had been searching for a good time to give you your birthday present but it seemed like this morning was bad timing too.

He dragged himself to get his feet off the bed and exposed himself to the chill morning air, "do you have to go this early?"

You put a few things into your bag and turned at him, paused at the sight of his naked body except for the pile of duvet covering his lower half.

You walked up to him but his impatient hand pulled you to get to him quicker, "we don't even have a few minutes to cuddle?"

"Don't give me those eyes!" You scolded him, sitting on his lap and straddling him, rubbing your hands up and down his muscular arms from years of playing baseball.

"What eyes?" He innocently asked.

But he purposely gave you those eyes, eyes that sparkled even under the dim of light like they were stars in them.

You let out a beautiful, crisp laugh that gave him the same comforting feeling as he heard the crunching sound of dried leaves when he stepped on it, he didn't know how much he misses to hear it and only realized it then.

You brought your face close and kissed him, a kiss that was so sweet and gentle like a sip of milk.

"Not enough," he shook his head when you pulled away. He was being needy so he decided to be the one to kiss you, lathering your lips in his affectionate kisses and hoping that you would stay a little while for more of this.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," you sadly muttered to him with your hands trailing down his chest, secretly admiring his firm muscles under your touch.

He didn't let you get off his lap by holding you with his hands gripping each side of your waist, "but you agree, right?"

"Huh?"

Seungmin slightly tipped his head to the side to meet your gaze, "that the sex was amazing?"

You cracked a laugh and lightly punched his chest, without answering him you kissed him again, soft and quick like a gust of wind.

"I have to go," you told him then got off his lap, took your bag from the desk, and hoisted the strap on your shoulder.

"Bye!" You waved at him before leaving him with the sound of the door closing echoing in the room.

He couldn't say he was making things right again but he knew he was trying his best.

On Saturday night, he picked you up for a dinner with his family and waited in front of your rented house while leaning against the car.

His heart pitter-patter as he watched you descend the stairs in a white dress and your hair down, smiling at him and him only.

He couldn't help himself but kissed you despite knowing you will scold him for ruining your make-up.

He had a hard time focusing on the road ahead of him when you were sitting on the passenger's side looking so gorgeous he couldn't stop himself from swooning over you.

He stopped you from opening the car door and grabbed your elbow, "can we have a moment?"

"A moment?" You asked back and your eyes darted to the velvet box he took out from the glove box.

"Is this my birthday present?"

He opened your hand and put it on your palm, "I know it's too late but..." Seungmin paused to suck in air through his teeth, "I hope you like it."

You opened the box to find a necklace inside but your hand automatically touched the one you always wear, the one he gifted from last year's birthday.

"Another necklace?"

That was the reaction that never crossed his mind, "you don't like it?"

Your thumb brushed over the shiny pendant, "I like it but I still have this one," you said.

He went to hold your hand, "I just wanted to buy you a better one and more beautiful than the one I gifted you," he answered.

You stared at the new necklace with its shine blinking under the street lamp.

And maybe he chose the bad timing again?

"You don't have to wear it," Seungmin quickly said, didn't want the moment to take a different turn again.

But you reached to unclasp the necklace you wore and took the new necklace, putting the old one into the velvet box.

"Can you help me put it on?"

"Sure!"

You took all of your hair to the side and let him put the necklace around your neck, then fastened the clasp.

You turned around to let him see it while fixing your hair, "Thank you!" You muttered without looking at him in the eyes.

His whole family was present that night, his mother welcomed you home and introduced you to the rest of the family.

His father complimented how beautiful you are and his sister teased Seungmin for getting himself a really beautiful girlfriend.

The dinner went well and the meals his mother cooked were exceptionally delicious that night, the conversations changed and flowed from one topic to another, and everyone was engaged in the talk, except you.

"Are you working or...?" His sister asked, merely out of curiosity.

The rest couldn't help but also be curious about you.

You put down your fork and smiled.

"I'm working as—"

Seungmin cut right in between your sentence, "She's a writer and she got her writing published recently," he answered for you.

"Oh, wow! That's wonderful!" His mother exclaimed and clasped her hands together in front of her.

You glanced at him and he saw a look on your face that he couldn't decipher.

"It's just a short story and the book was a compilation so I'm not sure if I deserved to be called a writer yet," you elaborated with your hands resting on your lap under the table.

"And I'm working as an assistant to a real writer," you added with a sheepish smile.

"Although you only wrote a short story, it's still writing," His sister said with a smile, "and that makes you a writer!"

"Yes, you should be proud, dear!" His mother egged on her daughter's comforting words.

"Thank you!" You muttered while looking down at your plate then picked up your cutlery back, and continued eating.

A while later, her mother looked your way and said, "that's a nice necklace!"

Of all of the things she could compliment on you, she chose the necklace that Seungmin gifted you.

"It's a birthday gift from Seungmin!" You responded with a polite smile.

His mother instantly looked at Seungmin and gave him a proud smile while Seungmin took your hand to clasp it with yours, except that you avoided his touch.

It reminded him of that dinner he had with you and his teammate, where you kept quiet the whole night and it worries him.

"Come with me!" He said, stopping you from helping his mother prep fruits on a tray after dinner.

His sister came and took your job, "It's okay, you can go!"

You let Seungmin lead you to his room and closed the door behind him, he didn't waste time holding you by the waist and kissing you.

"With your parents right outside?" You asked with an eyebrow raised.

He scrunched his nose at you and pressed another long kiss while pushing you to the middle of the bedroom.

"Come on, your parents are waiting outside!" You said once you broke the kiss.

He stopped you from leaving and sat you down on his bed, "I have something for you," he said.

He walked to the bag on his study chair and pulled out something, he went kneeling in front of you and put something in your hand.

You opened your palm to see a gold-plated pin, "what's this?"

"My first championship baseball pin, well, we're not winning the league this season but it means a lot to me because it's my first," he elaborated.

You stared at it for a few seconds then glanced at him, "if it's that precious, why did you give it to me?"

"I want you to keep it," he said and closed your hand on the pin together with his hand.

He couldn't read the expression on your face whether you like it or not, he started to hate that he has to calculate everything he does to you.

It was like walking on thin ice, "keep it for me, please?" He pleaded while looking up at you with hopeless glints in his eyes, that was just how desperate he was.

You nodded without saying a word.

The night continued with more talks in the living room, fruits and sweet assortments, and wine for everyone except Seungmin because he drove you home at the end of the night.

You were so quiet and he thought you must be exhausted, offered his jacket to wear just in case you got cold, holding your hand when the car stopped at a red light.

He felt the constant assurance that you were there with him, not just physically present.

"Are you tired, baby?" He asked, rubbing your arms and gently caressing your cheek.

You turned your head at him, "a little."

The car pulled up in front of your rented house and Seungmin turned off the engine, he was about to get out of the car when you stopped him.

"You don't have to get out, I'll just go in and sleep early tonight," you said to him.

"I can't come in and stay until you fall asleep?" He asked with a sly smile, "like old times?"

You softly smiled and sighed, then slowly turned your head at him.

"I'm just so tired and I feel full," you put a hand on his shoulder, "your mom's cook is really good, I forgot to tell her how much I enjoyed the dinner."

Seungmin could tell that his disappointment was clearly drawn on his face from your rejection, but still, he forced a smile for you.

"Alright, I'll tell her that," he said.

You went to hug him and kissed his neck which led to a kiss on his mouth, "thank you for tonight!"

Seungmin put his hands around you not willing to let go, "I miss you," he said.

"I'm not getting out of the car yet," you said while chuckling at him.

But what he meant was that he misses you, he misses his girlfriend that he knows, who understands him well and not making him guess everything he does and if he does it wrong.

He kissed you so hard to convince him that the you that he missed was still there somewhere.

"Goodnight!" You said with a last kiss on his lips and got out of the car.

"Goodnight!"

He watched as you climbed the steps and stopped by the door to wave at him, then went inside.

Seungmin was greeted by the silence once you left and that made his head thinks out loud.

Not once in his life that he wished he let himself selfish that time and didn't let you go, kept you close next to him, he believed things would take a different, better turn, not this nightmare of a detour.

The distance seemed to distort the proximity as something bad and a lot of space as something good.

Or could it be him? That he was incapable of adjusting himself to this change.

It was his turn to get a taste of what it felt like being the one who was being left than the other way around. He spent the nights with you but you were barely there, you were drifting in and out of your body like a ghost.

He held you close but your heart felt like a distance away.

He kissed your neck and teased your sensitive spot with tickling kisses, that worked to make you squirm against him, making you squeeze on his forearm to stop him.

"Seungmin, that tickles!"

He stopped and intertwined his hand with yours, "Let's go on a date tomorrow!"

You sighed and nuzzled your head on your pillow, "okay," you answered.

"How about movies?" Seungmin playfully bit your ear shell.

"Okay."

"Play a little baseball?"

"Okay."

"The loser gets to pay for ice cream?"

"Mmkay..."

"And pizza?"

There was no answer.

"Are you sleepy, baby?"

He peered to see you were already sleeping and it got him feeling tingling inside to know the girl he knew wasn't really gone.

"Goodnight, baby!" He said with a kiss on your cheek.

But the next morning, you left without telling him and got him wondering why you were out that early.

"You look horrible!" Kim said as she saw Seungmin coming to the kitchen and hurriedly poured him a cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Kim!" Seungmin responded with a greeting, definitely not in the mood to play with her, and thanked her for the coffee.

"Did she say where she's going?"

Kim remembered something she quickly put down her toast, "yeah, she said she just needs to get my brother's car to the shop," she answered.

"She'll be back soon!" She added and slid the plate of toast to Seungmin.

The thoughts filling his head seemed to repress his appetite and he couldn't hide it anymore.

"Did you two fight?" Kim asked but failed to make it sound like it was just a simple question.

A fight would be better, he thought. The fight is not always a bad thing, at least a fight shows if something is worth all that trouble.

And he wanted to know if this relationship is something that worth fighting for.

He preferred to fight rather than this silence that slowly suffocated him from the inside.

He shook his head, "do we seem like we're not on good terms?" He asked out of curiosity.

Kim shrugged and sipped her coffee, "I just think your dynamic is a little bit off lately," she answered with a grimace.

She finished her coffee in one long gulp and put the dirty dishes on the sink, "but you know, I can be wrong because I'm busy dating too," she said with a sly smile.

Seungmin kept pushing all the negativity out of his head and focused on the movie the two of you were watching, his hand searched for yours in the dark but both of your hands were shoved inside your jacket pockets.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

"No, I'm okay," you shortly replied.

It was getting tiring to try and read your mind, all he wanted was to make you happy but it seems that all the efforts he had done were for nothing.

Think of something, Seungmin! He told himself.

And the idea struck while the two of you were walking around the mall after the movie.

"Can you wait here?"

"Are you going somewhere?"

He nodded.

"We can go together," you said.

"You sit here," he leads you to sit on the empty bench, "and I'll be back in a few minutes," he insisted.

"Okay!" You agreed.

In less than fifteen minutes, Seungmin returned carrying a paper bag and made his way toward you.

"You're running out of breath!" You said like it wasn't obvious enough.

Seungmin brightly smiled and pulled out something from the paper bag, a book, and a pen.

"Can I get your autograph, please?" He sweetly asked you with that puppy smile you always find adorable.

He showed the book with your short story on it, ripped the plastic wrapper, and flipped to the author's page with your name on it.

"I'm a fan!" He added and handed you the book with the pen.

You burst out laughing and took them from him, "what is your name?"

"Seungmin," he answered.

You wrote his name on the top and then your autograph under it.

"Can you draw a heart next to my name, please?" He requested.

You complied and drew three hearts next to his name, "I hope you like my short story!" You said as you handed him the book.

Seungmin looked at it with a smile on his face, it was indeed a proud moment for him but seeing your smile was the most rewarding.

Someone came between you and said, "Can I get an autograph too?"

"Oh yes, the book?" You asked the stranger.

He looked puzzled by your question then turned to Seungmin, "you are Seungmin the baseball player, right?"

He saw it, the way your smile vanished in a second.

"Please sign my cap!" He pleaded while holding out his hat at him.

You quickly took the book from Seungmin and handed him the pen. Seungmin signed the guy's hat real quick and immediately grabbed your hand once he finished, he just got the urge to hold you before he loses you again.

A dark cloud loomed over him as you kept quiet and he was trapped in his head again.

"You want to go first?" He asked, opening the door to the batting cage.

You got in without saying anything and started batting, he could see that you put so much force, gripping the bat too tight he was sure you were going to hurt yourself.

"I want to go again!"

"Why don't you take a break?" He suggested and held out his hand at you.

You pushed the button for another round to start and Seungmin had no other choice but retreated, and waited outside until you drained yourself out.

It felt like every strong hit of every batting you did went straight through his chest and pounded on his heart, it was aching, making him unable to breathe.

When you got out of the batting cage, he immediately handed you bottled water then looked at your palms, raw and blistering.

"Let's stop playing!" He said while blowing on your hands and trying so hard not to ask you why you did such a thing to hurt yourself.

"I want to go home," you said with your head dropped.

"Aren't we going to that pizza place you like so much?" he said with a quivering voice.

"How is that important right now?" you unintentionally raised your voice at him but the noises inside the place masked it.

You lowered your voice back and sniffled, "Just take me home!"

Seungmin swallowed what caught in his throat, it was either rage or sadness, he couldn't tell.

"Okay, let's go home!"

He glanced at you sitting on the passenger's side with your palms turned up on your lap, he saw the skin getting raw and he could feel how painful it was.

But that was nothing compared to another moment passed in deafening silence. He didn't want to think of anything else but he felt the need to break it.

"Let's get inside!"

You shifted on your seat and sighed, "I'm tired!"

Seungmin softly smiled and touched your shoulder, "then let's get inside so you can rest!"

Then your body started to shake and you began sobbing into your hands.

It wasn't hard for Seungmin to know what was coming and about to hit him like a shit ton of bricks falling onto his head.

"I'm tired, Seungmin!" You said again.

You bit back your cries and fisted your skirt like it was painful to hold in your tears, "I'm tired of having to be acknowledged when I'm with you."

Seungmin is not stupid, he was aware of how you were pressured to be seen whenever he was with you. He knew but he didn't know that it took a toll on you.

"You don't have to be anything for me. I just need you by my side!" Seungmin said with pleading eyes and hoping his words would convince you to stay because he couldn't think of anything else to say, that was the only truth.

You roughly wiped your tears away with your hands, "I'm tired of being a cracked pot next to a shining crystal!"

Seungmin found your hand and squeezed it in response, "That's not true!" He strongly disagreed and shook your hand as if would awaken whatever lies inside you that would help him solve this.

But your sobs turned louder and echoed in the limited space of the car, "I don't want to do this anymore!"

"Don't say that!" He went to press his mouth on your wet lips to stop you from talking.

"Seungmin!" You groaned against his lips.

He forced another kiss and held your face, aggressively with so much possessiveness, never let go

Seungmin was scared that once he let go of the kiss, you would say things he didn't want to hear. But he knew you were running out of air so he pulled away just enough.

"Please, let's think things through!" He pleaded while holding your face close.

"I'll give you as much space and time as you want," he bargained, it was the last thing he could do to save this relationship.

"Let's not give up on us," he got breathless on the last syllable as he pressed another kiss on your forehead, manifesting the words into your subconscious

You kept avoiding his eyes, not agreeing nor responding to his words, the tears wet both your cheeks and it was a heartbreaking sight to see.

"I love you," he said.

Those eight letters were the last effort that he hoped would bring you back to him after the much taken time and space.

He knew his mistake and owned it, an apology won't fix it, there was no way of going back from here.

Still, he didn't want to admit that he failed.

But unbeknownst to him, this was strike three.

Two weeks had passed and that was how long Seungmin lived while holding his breath.

He had to leave for his winter training the next day, he didn't want to leave with this tugging feeling in his chest.

So for one night, he just wanted to be close to you even for a moment.

He waited outside by his car in the harsh cold night like he wasn't numb already from the heartbreak.

He glanced up when he saw your car parked by the side of the house and he walked to the base of the stairs that leads to the door of your house.

You seemed to be slightly surprised to see him there.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," he said without thinking, hoping for a little sympathy for you, taking out his hands from his coat pockets but resisting the urge to hold your hands.

"Seungmin..."

He hated when you called him like that, that he could easily guess he won't like whatever you are going to say next.

"I just wanted to see you," he cut it off before the conversation shifted to somewhere he didn't want to go.

You let out a sad smile and your eyes turned glassy, "Let's not prolong the pain," you weakly muttered, swallowing the tears and letting out a breath at once.

Seungmin closed his eyes with frustration and so much sudden hate at the world.

"I told you I'm giving you as much space and time as you want!" He snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose for losing it.

He wanted to believe that you only needed the space and time, other than that, you still need him. But his belief was fading as you silently cried and the tears caught the lights, blinking at him.

"I just— I just wanted to see you..." he stammered and staggered to hug you, these past few days had been draining him, body, mind, and everything just hurts.

You cried harder into him and he could feel it, how your hearts broke at the same time.

But through those broken pieces, he was glad to know they were still beating as one.

2 YEARS LATER

Kim's brother held your manuscript in his hands and you wondered why it was still in him, no need to assume, it was obvious that it was rejected, and no company wanted to publish your writing.

"Is it that bad?" You raised an eyebrow at him with an uneasy smile.

Kim's brother looked at you, tight-lipped.

You already expected the disappointment but are still disappointed. Deep down, you hold on to a glimmer of hope that a publisher would take pity on you.

"Well... I will try to write better," you said with a hopeful smile at him but heavy with sadness.

He taught you a lot on so many things including these mental preparations you should learn once you decided to become a writer, that there will be a lot of rejections but that doesn't mean your writing sucks.

You turn on your heels to get back to your desk.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"Back to work?" You said with a shrug.

He cracked a laugh, "I haven't finished talking yet."

"Oh?" You turned to face him again and clasped your hands together in front of you.

He tapped your manuscript repeatedly then smiled, "there are two offers!"

It took you a moment or two to process his words.

"Two offers?"

"Yes, they want to publish this!"

You jerked your head back in disbelief and your jaws dropped the second you registered his words, "they like my manuscript???"

He nodded.

"But I don't want to let go of the manuscript," he said.

You pulled a chair and sat on it, catching your breath as if you just ran a mile.

"I know it's still lacking on a lot of things but with your help, I can edit it and revise— I'll do anything!" You convinced him rather too passionately.

He waved you off, "It's not that!"

"What is it then?" You asked with slumped shoulders, thinking of things that might go wrong.

"I know you would choose a big publisher but I'm going to regret not asking you this," he paused as he placed his other hand on the manuscript.

You leaned forward on his desk in anticipation and knitted brows.

"I want to publish it for you," he said.

"And it's okay if you didn't choose me, I just needed to get the question out of the way-"

"You mean, you wanted to publish it for me?" You stammered, there were so many things happening at once you had a hard time which one to process first.

"Please don't feel burdened to say yes, it's your book!" He reminded you, "you have the right to choose what to do with it!"

You took a deep breath and opened your mouth to speak.

He slid the manuscript on the desk at you, "you don't have to answer now. Take a day or two to think about it, it's not easy–"

This time, you stopped him from talking by waving your hand in front of him, "This is not a biased answer, but it's my book and you're the only one I can trust with it..."

You slid the manuscript back at him, "so please, publish it for me!" You said with a smile.

He scanned your face and tried to find the faintest of doubt but couldn't find it, "are you sure?"

You nodded repeatedly, "Yes."

He took the manuscript back and sighed in relief, "I promise I'll take good care of it!"

You smiled at him, "Thank you so much!"

This was the best thing that happened in these past two years, you wouldn't say it was easy but you were struggling still.

Maybe the quote is right, whether you run or walk or even crawl, by all means, you have to keep moving on.

You applied for the job at the newspaper and got rejected once again, reality hurts but what hurt you more was because it ruined the expectation of what kind of future you would be having.

Aren't we all hate when things didn't go according to plan?

You put all that rage and your hatred toward the world, and let yourself bleed onto pages.

The next thing you knew, pages were stacked in front of you.

Time flew by and the season changed so fast like turning a page of a book, what remained of summer was the withered flowers.

And you got older too.

"Happy birthday!"

Everyone cheered as you blew on the candles and made a toast while shouting your name in joy.

"Thank you, everyone!" You muttered to everyone.

Kim's brother brought out the first copy of your book as a gift and everyone got excited once again.

It was a moment that somehow made you feel so proud of yourself even though you didn't achieve something significantly great.

But it wasn't as pivotal as you thought it would be, it wasn't a moment in your life that you choose to get back to if you had a chance.

Apart from that, seeing everyone around you with proud smiles on their faces was enough to make your heart full to the brim.

Kim, being the one who is overly excited initiated another toast and it reminded you of the person who usually sat next to you at your birthday dinner.

You chugged down your glass and the alcohol burned down your throat or was it from you trying to hold your tears in?

"Hey!"

A hand tapped your shoulder when you were deep in your thought while holding another glass of champagne and it sloshed onto your hand.

"You must be very afraid of me that you flinched when I touch you," your sister said as he handed you tissues.

Putting down your glass, you wiped your hand and smiled, "No, I was spacing out!" You honestly said.

Your sister sighed and looked out at the window, at the pale moonlight shining on the back garden.

"I'm sorry," she apologized out of the blue.

You turned to see her with a confused look on your face.

She sadly smiled and said, "I've been so hard on you."

Your hands started to fidget, rubbing against each other in front of you.

"You're not—"

"Who are we kidding?" She cut through your sentence with a mocking laugh, "we are both old enough to know the truth."

She looked at you and put a hand on your shoulder, "that I've been putting a lot of pressure on you," she continued.

You opened your mouth to speak but couldn't find anything to say to argue her words.

"The truth is I'm the incompetent one so I pushed you to be better than me," she said with her head dropped like it was heavy with so much hate at herself.

"That's not true. You're not incompetent, you're anything but that!" You disagreed with her. She can be a bitch and at times, you hated her for how she always drives you up the wall. But to discredit her hard work like that doesn't sit right with you.

"Well, I tried to, and trying still..." she sighed.

Then she burst into laughter, "what's funny is we compete against each other and for what?"

When you thought about her question, it also baffled you that you were on each other's nerves unprovoked and to gain nothing in return.

"That's so childish of us!" You laughed along with her.

She squeezed your shoulder, "but you're too old to make a childish decision, right?" She asked.

"Excuse me, you're older!" You reminded her with a devilish grin.

"I don't need the reminder!" She said then handed you a white envelope.

"My birthday gift to you!"

You gasped because she came up with a new way of giving you a birthday gift, but it was obvious that she gifted the same like previous birthdays, "It's surprising that you didn't transfer it straight to my account!"

"It's different this time!" She said.

You guessed that it wasn't money this time because the envelope was so thin, "I'm disappointed already!" You joked.

Your sister laughed, "but it's so expensive and it's very hard to get!"

She watched you open the envelope and then left even before you see what was inside.

There was a ticket inside, a ticket to the major league baseball final game this weekend.

You automatically made a turn to find your sister and she winked at you the second your eyes met, and gave you a knowing look.

Her words replaying in the back of your head, that you were too old to make a childish decision.

It was a childish decision that you broke up with Seungmin because you were pathetically pitying yourself and you were tired of proving yourself when he didn't ask anything from you.

You realized how ridiculous it was to demand him to lower himself for you?

Looking back at it then, you felt so stupid for letting him go.

That day would be the first time for you to see him again after two years, two grueling years.

You've seen him of course, but indirectly, through the TV, newspapers, and on the internet. Seungmin was what you expected him to be, bigger than his name and tirelessly burning bright like the scorching sun.

Your sister wasn't lying when she said the ticket was expensive, she got you a good seat in the stadium and not in the crowded area that was full of die-hard baseball fans.

Seungmin wasn't playing until the 8th inning and your heart skipped a beat when you heard his name was called.

Everyone cheered for him and your applause only made the smallest sound of a pin drop among the roaring cheers.

Seungmin looked... the same.

The guy who sneaked his way in by being your assignment partner then took you to the batting cage and taught you how to bat.

He still has dark hair and even though he wore his hat low, you could see his doe eyes. You remembered how much you adore them and those eyes stared at you with such loving.

Your heart ached, you missed him so much and you couldn't take it anymore.

He took his stance as he got ready to bat and you held your breath along with him as the opponent stalled to pitch.

When he threw the pitch, Seungmin hit the ball right and loud that it made a cracking thunderous sound.

He made an easy home run and scored points for his team, making his team the winner of this season's championship for the first time since he joined.

The stadium collectively celebrating the win that you couldn't hear your own applause despite your hands were already hurt from clapping nonstop.

His face was on the big screen and his smile... that distinctive smile that always reminded you of a puppy smile.

Your eyes watering and you were sure it wasn't from the cold.

He was everything you expected him to be and beyond.

He was yours and you let him go.

But would it be childish if you want him to come back to you?

"Aren't you going to the game?"

Kim seemed surprised to see you already home and nursing a can of beer.

"I just came back a while ago," you replied.

Kim sat on the stool next to you and opened another can of beer for her, "did you meet him?"

"I saw him."

"And?"

"I watched his game then left."

Kim almost slammed her can on the kitchen island, "didn't you miss him?"

You got quiet and took a long gulp of beer, gasped when you swallowed it all down.

"I miss him so much I feel like my heart is about to burst!" You honestly answered.

"Then why?"

"I saw him playing and I thought..." you paused to take another gulp, "he was the only one living his best self."

Kim slammed her can with so much frustration that the content spilled out of her can, "stop with this bullshit! You guys love each other!"

She rarely gets mad but she must be beyond annoyed by your attitude to snap at you like that.

"I think..." you crumpled the empty can in your hand, "he's too far out of my reach now!"

Kim heavily sighed and shot up from her stool, "I am so done with you!" She said as she left you alone with your thoughts again.

You resisted the urge to pinch your cheek when you saw your book on the shelf at the bookstore.

It wasn't on the best seller shelf but still... having your ideas and turning them into words was one thing but to see it physically, a creation of your own.

Maybe this is close to what having a child feels like, you thought.

You planned on having a day out with Kim but it seemed like he was still pissed about your attitude, she refused going so you ended up spending the Saturday night on your own, walking the wet pavements after rain while shielding yourself from the cold.

On the way to find somewhere for dinner, you walked past a flower shop and saw a bucket of bright sunflowers and the yellow lifted your mood almost immediately that making your lips curl into a smile, they replaced the sun that was hiding behind the thick grey clouds.

You used to enjoy being all alone and didn't mind when you had to.

That was before you broke up.

The memories you shared with him started to fade but the feelings grew stronger, especially when you were like this, alone with your thoughts.

You tried to dull the pain with glasses of wine but they could only do as much, sometimes they worked and that night, it didn't.

So you ordered your eight glasses even though you haven't finished your dinner yet.

Seeing that sunflowers triggered something in you, a fond memory of when Seungmin waited by the bus stop.

You had a rough night, you fought with your sister and you went home with her hurtful words lingering, weighing you down the more they echoed inside your head.

Then, you stepped out of the bus to find him holding a bouquet of bright, yellow sunflowers but the smile he gave you shone the brightest.

You felt like crying because such a simple gesture could unshackle you from the hurt in this world in a second.

This was the one moment of your life you wished you could get back to.

A tear rolled down your cheek and you hurriedly wiped it before anyone in the restaurant saw.

"Can I have your autograph?" Someone asked.

You didn't think that person was speaking to you so you ignored him.

Then your book appeared in front of you, "Can you sign it?" He asked again.

You glanced up and saw him, Seungmin, smiling so softly at you.

You had to blink a few times to make sure your eyes didn't play any tricks on you.

He walked to the empty seat across from you and sat down, sliding a copy of your book in front of you.

"Can I have your autograph, please?" He asked again.

Seungmin looked the same and different at the same time, in the best way.

Except that he didn't wear the usual attire of his varsity baseball team jacket, he wore a dark jacket with a navy blue shirt underneath.

"I'll sign it once I'm done with dinner," you said with a smile.

He nodded and clasped his hands together, "Then I might as well have dinner too," he said.

You both ate dinner in silence, whether we both have so many things to say or no one has anything to say, the silence was comfortable and none of you wanted to break it.

The happiness that you felt was bubbling from the inside and it came out in a form of a joyous smile, there was a bit of awkwardness because it felt like you haven't smiled this wide in a long time.

The smile infected him, making him smile whenever your eyes locked in a gaze.

Before he could say anything else, you gave the server your credit card, "I'll pay for dinner!" You announced and not taking any objections.

Walking out of the restaurant together, you turned around to face him and sighed.

"I don't have any pen with me," you lied even though you always carry at least three pens in your bag at that moment.

He put on a thin smile and adorably pursed his lips, "what a pity!"

You shoved your hands into the pockets of your trench coat, "but I do have one at home," you said, lightly bouncing on your heels out of nerves.

He looked down and shyly smiled, "I can drive you home," he offered.

"That's convenient since I had a few drinks!" Your replies with a flustered smile.

It felt nostalgic being in a car with him, like you were back in college days and he was taking you out for a date after his practice had finished.

Except that you were older then, therefore you should be making wiser choices.

The car stopped right in front of your house and Seungmin turned the engine off, silence settled in the small space. There were so many things to say but what resonated in the back of your head was how much you missed him and he needed to know that.

You opened your mouth yet no words out of it, you took your safety belt off and turned your head at him, "I–"

Seeing his face made you forget what you were about to say to him, you cleared your throat and tried again.

"Can you help me find the pen?" You asked.

He struggled trying not to laugh.

"My house is uhm... a cluttering mess," you said while uneasily pinching your neck, flustered.

He unbuckled his seat belt and said, "Okay."

He followed you as you led him inside the house, from how quiet it was it seemed that Kim wasn't home.

You felt relieved because you couldn't have her jumped in the middle and shouted an 'I told you so" at you.

"It's a cluttering mess, I see," Seungmin beamed, looking around the house that was nothing close to what you said. He knows you're a very neat person and likes everything organized, and tidy.

You lowly giggled and looked down, walking to the kitchen counter to one of the drawers where all the random little things in the house went into.

"A pen!" You exclaimed when you found one inside.

Seungmin placed the copy of your book on the kitchen island and slid it in front of you.

You clicked the pen while flipping the page to the title page and scrawled your name then an autograph below it, hurriedly closed it before Seungmin could see the message you wrote on it.

He stifled a smile as he got the book back from you, he didn't want to part again, not when you were this close, within his grasp.

He swallowed air and softly spoke, "Is this enough space and time for you?"

He didn't dare to look at you, afraid that he'll get the answer he didn't want to hear.

You put down your pen and said, "not enough."

His heart slowly sank and it kept sinking, engulfing him in sadness. That was the answer he didn't want.

Then you took steps closer, closer until there were mere inches between your bodies.

"This is enough," you said in an incredibly low voice.

He couldn't avoid your eyes with the proximity and he kept staring into your eyes that to him were looking like two pools of warm honey.

The moment his yearning hand held yours, he felt like he just found his long-lost limb while his other hand reached to cup your face, he slowly leaned in so close to your face, that your lips met but were not yet kissed.

"Is this enough?" His lips grazed yours as he spoke.

You closed your eyes and breathlessly said, "No."

With that, Seungmin pressed his lips on yours, he kissed you more like he was a starving man and your kisses fed him fully but never enough.

Your bodies spoke their longing, melted into each other's embrace, tightly, and never let go. Bodies that answered to each other's needs and he knows just where to take you.

Hands painted your bodies with warm, gentle touches, and lips endlessly brushed yours at the same time your open mouth filled his with low moans.

His hips thrusting, keeping the motions going, slowly taking you higher where nothing can touch you, and the pleasure that kept filling you, taking you even higher.

You locked your legs around his waist and moved together with him, didn't hard to sync your movements together.

You stared into his eyes and found them staring back into yours, deep, intense, and didn't stray even for a second.

"Seungmin!" You called his name through your gritted teeth and a hand gripped his shoulder.

"Close, mmh?" He knew because of the way your walls fluttered around him.

Incapable of responding with a verbal answer, you nodded.

Seungmin slowed down, propping a hand next to your head to put a space between your bodies. He took a moment to look at your face and caressed your cheek endearingly.

"I want you to know that..." he paused to give your lips a chaste kiss.

"I'll never let you go again," he continued.

"Never!"

He held your cheek as he pressed another kiss on your lips, "whether you like it or not," he said with eyes bore into yours, "I'll always be yours."

Instead of claiming you, he chose to surrender himself to you, and you couldn't find anything more astounding than that. He wasn't asking, he was making a statement that he bravely declared without the slightest of doubt.

You regretted it more to ever let him go, you let your pride get to you and infected your relationship. You won't let it happen again and took the bravest decision to follow your heart, surrendering yourself to wherever it will take you.

You put your hand on his face and then said, "And I'll always be yours, Seungmin."

He put his forehead on yours and sighed, "Gosh, I love you so much."

Your heart ached when you heard it, the kind of hurt that felt so good.

You smiled and said back, "I love you."

With a lustful kiss, Seungmin continued moving and used his hand to keep your leg pulled up. He pulsated his hips, ramming into you in slow but deep and hard thrusts.

Seungmin knew where to take you and from your heavy, fervent breathing, the sultry low moans, and eyes screwed shut he knew you were so close.

Just a few more thrusts and you would touch the sky.

"God! Seungmin!" You groaned into his shoulder as you ascended, floating in pure, immense pleasure.

Seungmin followed you after, the way your walls sucking him in deeper sent him soaring high to cloud nine in a matter of seconds.

Seungmin missed this feeling where his head couldn't think of anything but you and this shared space where he feels the closest to you, apart from filling you with his seed, he felt all of his emotions rushing through him all at once.

It was only you that he thinks about, just you and you, your body, your smile, your beautiful plush lips, you, only you.

The one who belongs to him, you.

You knew it was morning without having to open your eyes, you didn't want to wake up yet, especially when it was this nice.

Seungmin wrapped his hands around your body while he spoon you from behind, his head resting just right on the nape of your neck you could feel his warm breathing.

Feeling cold, your hand groped around to pull the duvet, you forced yourself to open your eyes and gasped.

Kim was standing at the end of the bed just looking at you with a smile on her face.

"How long you've been watching us sleep?"

Seungmin got surprised as well, rubbing his eyes to see what was going on.

She sighed then answered, "A while."

"Hey, Kim!" Seungmin sleepily greeted her.

Kim sighed again and turned her head at Seungmin, "this is the last time I helped you guys get together, okay?"

You looked at Seungmin and shot him a questioning look.

"She told me where to find you last night," he gave you a short explanation.

"Oh?"

Kim clasped her hands together and put them in front of her, "aren't you two a fucking dense but lovely couple?" She sighed in a passive-aggressive way.

You softly chuckled in response, "Okay, we get it. Now can you please leave?"

"Why? Are you going to fuck again? Because I came home at 4 am and you guys were still at it," she complained but with a smile on her face.

"Kim, we've talked about personal space!" You reminded.

She rolled her eyes and unclasped her hands, "so much for helping you guys," she grumbled, turning around on her heels, then walking to the door.

"Thank you, Kim!" Seungmin said to her.

"I love you!" You shouted at her just before she exited the door.

"Yeah, right!" She dryly responded.

You turned on the bed to face Seungmin and got greeted by his bare morning face, brushing his fluffy bedhead like you always do.

"So, you didn't find me on your own?" You asked with a raised eyebrow.

He put a hand on your waist, "I knew you came to the game," he said.

You got quiet because you didn't know, you got embarrassed because he knew you weren't trying to see him after the game.

"That's how I know that maybe it's time for us to stop hurting ourselves," he continued.

You smiled because that was true, except that you were too cowardly to do so.

"So I asked Kim where I can find you and she told me."

You placed a hand on his chest and felt the smoothness of his skin, "I was afraid, Seungmin."

"Why?"

"Because I thought you will never forgive me for what I did," you admitted.

"You didn't do wrong," he disagreed with you.

"I did a lot of thinking and I realized that you need to grow on your own too, to find your best self," he said, his hands squeezing the flesh on your waist.

"But I'm my best self when I'm with you," you remarked.

Your hand moved up to his neck and felt his pulse there, "I retraced every moment in my life in which I want to get back to if I had a chance."

You looked into his eyes because you wanted him to know how much you meant what you were going to say next, "and I wanted to get back to the moment when you offered yourself to be my assignment partner," you said.

He softly chuckled and pulled you closer, "would you ever change your answer?"

"Never," you replied without a beat.

He pulled you closer until your head pushed so close to his chest you could hear his steady heartbeat.

Seungmin kissed your bare shoulder, then dreamily sighed, "what should we do now?"

"Huh?"

"It seems like we're stuck to each other."

You kissed his neck and giggled, "I have an idea."

"Yeah?"

"We continued our plans," you simply answered.

He looked at you with an intrigued glare.

"And based on our plans, it's time for us to go on vacation to somewhere exotic," you elaborated the plan which you always recited to each other of the future you dreamed together.

"That's not a bad idea!" Seungmin agreed then kissed your lips.

Because what matters the most to him was not the plans, but the person that he'll do the plans with. It would be an understatement to say that he's happy, he was ecstatic about the future that you'll have together.

It felt like he won you with a home run, in the last inning.

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