#thank you so much for making 2020 more tolerable

[ooshu]

"jae?"

summary: jaehyun buys johnny and mark some cuervo shots. he forgets the one thing that everyone says—stay away from your phone when you're drunk. note: jaehyun finishing his undergrad thesis, johnny and mark as a support system, and a lot of swearing/profanities, really. genre: pure and raging angst | word count: 1.7k — “one bott?” johnny asked.

“sure! this one’s on me.” jaehyun, with a sheepish grin on his face, replied. his cheeks were now hinting a shade of red. fucking adorable.

so why is jaehyun suddenly ecstatic about drinking cuervo and gulping it down straight as if it was… an ordinary non-alcoholic drink?

give the guy his moment. jaehyun’s thesis-making era has finally landed in the area of responsibility. out of all the frameworks and methods to be potentially used for his study (verbatim. legendary thesis), he is anxious. as much as he wants to bag that best thesis nomination from his architecture department, the thought of just getting it at the end of the sem sounds more convincing and realistic which is, well, quite a lonely take from a former A student turned mediocre due to sudden burnout, but that’s life now for some after the unforgiving turn of events embedded in the 2020 history records.

to tl;dr, jaehyun needs a drink and to get drunk. let him be, please? he’s used to bragging about his high alcohol tolerance but his primary goal is to get shitfaced, excuse the expression. a good hangover is needed by the morning; something to make him feel human again. the world is spinning quickly, and he needed to slow time just a little bit to cue his hazy vision and low inhibitions.

so the second cuervo arrived, right? jaehyun thanked the waiter and johnny and mark couldn’t help but laugh at how he was currently losing it all. he holds the golden bottle, his eyes fixed on the shot glasses, and when he poured, the drink spilled on the table. at this point, being drunk is no longer an excuse. his eyesight has also become worst over the years. what’s up with this guy, anyway? just go get yourself a LASIK surgery (to which jaehyun would only reply via text so dryly: lol)

johnny snatched the bottle from jaehyun and poured it into their shot glasses. in this kind of scenario, one would actually tap out and advise the rest who refuse to follow, but dang!, as the younger bro always says, it seems like jaehyun needed this the most. johnny knew the stress as he has already graduated (but still chose to enroll for a master’s degree afterward because the MA sneak beside his name sounds lit!), and mark is amused by jaehyun’s clumsy state anyways.

“mark, stop laughing.”

“oh, why?” mark looked at johnny with confusion.

“because next year, bro, you’re gonna be as shitfaced as jaehyun because of your thesis! haha!”

while the two bickers, the cuervo shots were going down on jaehyun like water. as he takes the nth shot of the night, he lowers the glass slowly and stared blankly at the two of them.

mark slightly gripped the hem of johnny’s shirt to break off the banter.

then he said “yo, the fuck?”

when the both of them faced jaehyun, his eyes were bloodshot… red?

“jaehyun, are you crying?” johnny asked.

“i broke… heart.” jaehyun muttered.

“huh?”

“shit, i broke it.”

“you broke what?”

mark dumbfounded, was just staring at jaehyun. johnny kept asking who, but jaehyun just keeps on speaking in codes.

“fuck, she said “i love you””

“dude... who?” mark asked. the atmosphere is getting serious as he mumbles what we can assume as his regrets. the two couldn’t really tell. at this point, jaehyun’s all over the place; incoherent.

“fuck,” jae cursed for the nth time. “i took it for fucking granted.”

“it was so exclusive. fuck, that ‘i love you’ was so exclusive.”

“fuck. fucking fool. the fuck, jae? i’m such a fucking headass.”

and bratatatat he goes. the other two gentlemen were listening attentively, hoping he’d spill a name or a clue of who he was referring to. but nothing comes out. as if jaehyun was stuck at the moment when the person said “i love you” to him. jaehyun was in a loop, like a broken record. and when he finally stopped blabbering and took another shot, his face was already on the table, and with eyes closed, he fell into a deep slumber.

and god, his position looks so uncomfortable. his arms were just hanging and flanging into the air. the younger noticed his state, so he decided to put jaehyun’s arms and palms over his legs.

“dude”, mark said to johnny. “are you sure he needs it for his thesis or that thing?”

—

when jaehyun woke up, mark was on his phone. johnny, on the other hand, was taking a puff from his vape that is wrapped around his neck. you know those dudes who are not so subtle about their vape life? displaying their vapes like an id, and is lit blue? strawberry-minty flavor, smells good though, in fair. but he would tell you to go away if ever you would want to try. “smoking kills!”, he would say. shoo!

“i feel like throwing up.”

“i’ll come with you. come on.” johnny offered.

they went inside the restaurant across from their al fresco space. johnny led the way toward the bathroom. the rest is history. jaehyun walked out from the bathroom stall and washed his hands and mouth. a little splash on his face was needed, too; just to sober up.

he is in fact, and indeed, sobered up; sound and with consciousness. he said “go ahead” to johnny and went back to their table. mark is texting, probably a hook-up, by now. but he never leaves the gang to give respect to the bro night. he was also curious about what happened to jaehyun, anyway.

but johnny isn’t surprised, like, at all. jaehyun is an eye candy in his university. he sure made his fair shares from time to time but the thing is, they don’t really talk about their flings and such. the pack isn’t a kiss-and-tell, the usual trashy friend group that reeks pride via body counts. and jaehyun would introduce if ever he gets in a situationship leading to commitment anyway. it’s just that mark has never seen this side of jaehyun.

but there is indeed a possibility that jaehyun has this hopeless romantic tendency given he must have watched 500 days of summer approximately 500 times by now, and still believes that summer finn is a bitch.

“drink some water”, mark handed a bottle.

“thanks.”

“so…”

johnny nudged mark. it was a signal to stop the interrogation. mark got social cues, thank god. they’ll let jaehyun spill at his own pace. the guy is still trying to recover. one of these days, he’ll remember and open up because perhaps, it did really get serious at some point.

but jaehyun opened his phone and checked his text messages. there was a message, waiting for a response sent almost ten months ago.

january 11, 2022, 01:11 am | you wrote:

home?

to which he now replied: november 10, 2022, 02:45 am | jaehyun wrote:

not yet

and i dont think ill everr be

jaehyun grabbed the half-empty cuervo and poured it into his glass. mind you, not the shot glass, the bottle itself. mark and johnny, once again, stared at each other. jaehyun poured the last bit of the golden bottle and drank it straight. he winced and his throat felt burning. he then continued typing on his phone.

october 10, 2022, 02:46 am | jaehyun wrote:

and i know it sounds tssstupid

but i think im still in love with you

not think

fuck

i am in love with you

ive always been in love with you

and i never said it

and i wish i couldve said it back whenever you say it

because fuck

you deserved to hear it so much

jaehyun was in the middle of his never-ending texts when his phone rang.

he let it ring a few times. the phone vibrating felt somehow pressuring for the guy. mark and johnny were just staring at jaehyun, waiting for his next move.

shit, it really is you.

-

jaehyun got up from his seat while gripping his phone quite tight and walked a few inches from their table, lingering on the feeling of the buzzes. he took a few deep breaths in and touched the green button.

“jaehyun? are you drunk?” he heard from the other side of the phone. “go home, please, jaehyun?”

jaehyun.

jaehyun. it’s no longer jae.

meanwhile, johnny and mark were squinting their eyes, trying to look out for the dumbstruck fool, trying to catch signals and connect the dots.

“jaehyun?”, he couldn’t breathe. it felt suffocating. “are you still there?”

“hey.”, jaehyun finally mustered up the courage to speak. “i know it’s been a while but-”

“do you need me to book you an uber, jaehyun?”

jaehyun. jaehyun. jaehyun. tears start to swell in jaehyun’s eyes. where the fuck did ‘jae’ go? he desperately wonders.

“please… please call me jae, please? love, please?”

“jaehyun…” you replied hesitantly. “times have changed.”

“just this time, please?” jaehyun desperately asked. “one last time. i just need to hear it again then i’ll go.”

the line felt silent despite the murmuring sounds of happy co-workers cheering for the weekend and the faint booming music to liven up the place. but jaehyun’s world is painted in monochrome; lonely, and lifeless.

“jae…”

“hey, love.”

“jae…”

“i’m gonna miss you so much; every single day, baby. every single day.”

“jae, jae, jae…”

hearing ‘jae’ coming from you sounds music to his ears.

and for the last time, he pretended it was just another call coming from you—those nights like this paralleled before when jaehyun refused to pick up your calls on a night out, shitfaced, while on the other line, there was you who were constantly worried on his whereabouts. but he always got home safely and always told you this:

“don’t wait for me okay?”

and then you played along.

“just go home safely, jae.”

but in a parallel universe, he wishes he ended the calls with this. and he finally said it, when it is now too late:

“i love you so much, love.”

and jaehyun heard a faint sob on the other line, just before the call abruptly ended.

-

jaehyun stared at his phone until everything became blurry and his tears flowed down his cheeks.

he opened the message app and scrolled through your thread, until he reached the last message you sent.

"home?"

but jaehyun, he was never coming home,

now that he has lost the keys along the way.

#nct angst #nct fluff #nct oneshot #nct imagine #nct jaehyun #jaehyun #jaehyun oneshot #jaehyun imagine #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun drabbles #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun angst #nct smut #nct drabbles #nct 127 #jeong jaehyun #jeong jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun x y/n #nct x reader #nct fic #nct scenarios #jaehyun smut #jeong jaehyun smut #jeong jaehyun fluff #nct 127 x y/n #nct 127 angst #nct 127 smut

[djuvlipen]

https://nordicmodelnow.org/2020/03/02/the-cost-of-western-europes-rampant-prostitution-the-genocide-of-romanian-women/?amp=1

Sorry for the triggering article. Not romani but ty for your bravery and support of women 💚

God, that was a good article, thank you for sharing, Anon. I recommend reading the whole thing but I want to highlight some specific parts:

For the last eight months or so, the entire country has been in turmoil and living a nightmare. I do not say ‘nightmare’ lightly. I wish it had just been a bad dream that we’d woken from. If only… But the reality is we can’t shake off the nightmarish situation that’s been stewing since about the time my country was accepted into the European Union and the borders were opened. While it was a fantastic opportunity for the development of the country, it was also the beginning of a horrifying new reality – rampant human trafficking. In an effort to provide for themselves and/or their families, people started to go abroad in search of work opportunities they couldn’t find at home. But it was also a huge opportunity for interlopers and human traffickers, because the opening of the borders made it easier for them to do what they had previously been doing with a lot more difficulty. Now their activity is widespread and unchecked. They have no qualms. They brazenly state that it’s a certified way of making a living. Given the legal status of prostitution in many EU countries, trafficking women and children has become in Romania a legitimate way of making a fortune for the ‘smarter’ people. They declare that dirty money is easier and faster to make with little to no effort on their part. That’s ‘smart’ to them. They announce this unapologetically, and with a superior smirk, on every medium, official and unofficial. For the ordinary, hardworking population, this is unbelievable, unbearable, terrifying.

This points at something I've been thinking about: the European Union is not our friend, it is explicitly anti-women. It doesn't simply tolerate the sex trade, it institutionalizes it to make profit out of it. It is antifeminist at its core and the first victims of it are women from impoverished Eastern European countries, with Romani (not simply Romanian) women being particularly vulnerable.

There are over 500 known trafficking rings in Romania, their areas of influence are well mapped and the leaders well known. They cover pretty much every inch of the country. Not a corner has been left unexploited by them. Prostitution is illegal in Romania, but it is flourishing anyway. As we all know, it produces enormous amounts of money for the ‘clans’ – as the interlopers call themselves with pride. But the biggest source of money is outside the country. In the beginning, they promised a job abroad in agriculture, in restaurants and as babysitters, and the women who fell prey found themselves in prostitution. When word got out and that tactic didn’t work anymore, they resorted to the ‘lover boy’ method. When that didn’t work so well, they started to steal children and young women from the street and even from their own homes. Thousands of other cases similar to Alexandra’s and Luiza’s have surfaced – including one where all six children – two boys and four girls – of a single mother were abducted by force, from their house. None of this – on this scale – would have been possible without the tacit agreement and practical protection of the authorities – police, the justice system, and politicians. The clans have grown so powerful that they even boast of having installed their own politicians, policemen, judges, and prosecutors. They continually escape justice. If some rogue policemen catch them and somehow manage to bring them to court, they use their money and influence to get off. The money that comes, as I said, not so much from the internal ‘market’, but from other European countries to which they traffic the children and women they get their hands on by any means. The most important destination are the countries where prostitution is legalized, like Germany and the Netherlands, but also the countries (including the UK) where laws against pimping and buying women in prostitution are not enforced. Romania has become the number one European source country of children and women in the brothels in Germany and Holland, and also Italy, Spain, Switzerland, Belgium, Greece and the UK. Even though the total population of Romania is only about 19 million, there are thousands[*] of Romanian women and children forced into street prostitution in Italy alone – and that’s not counting those in strip clubs, brothels and ‘escort’ prostitution. It’s estimated that there are similar numbers in Spain, the UK, Germany, and Holland – and that’s not considering those in the Arab world and on other continents. Romania has haemorrhaged more than a million children (girls and boys) and women into the prostitution trade in these countries. In countries where prostitution is legal, like Germany, only a small percentage of the women involved are locals. German women do not take up this kind of ‘work’ en masse. (Should we wonder why it’s so off-putting?). But the demand is huge – so they outsource to countries like mine.

This part is also very important. I only wish she had mentioned that Romani women make up a large % of trafficked women from Romania; one of the reasons I started making posts about it is because many people don't think race is relevant when talking about the sex trade in Eastern Europe, because they think all of Eastern Europe is white. The vast majority of articles and studies therefore erasing the large % of trafficked Romani women by painting the general sex-trafficked victim as a white woman, which is not the case as race is relevant here.

And all this because of the participation of our men in power, men who served the parents of the two still missing girls who want their children back with the sentence (pun intended), “I’m hitting a wall.” Yes. That’s what the attorney general said to them when asked why they aren’t looking for the girls: “I can’t look for them because there’s a wall stopping me.” People started rallying for the girls. It is awful to see the two mothers in tears and on their knees in front of the Police Department building, begging the authorities to find their children and bring them home. So what is that wall? Might it be the needs of ‘punters’ in Germany? In Italy? All over Europe and elsewhere? The US military base located only five miles away from the town of Caracal? The need of the overpaid and oversexed American ‘heroes’ to have sex in their spare time lest they might die from abstinence? The needs of the ‘heroes’ (read ‘paedophiles’) in the other US military base about 200 miles away near the sea port of Constanta who built a special pavilion INSIDE the base camp where they go and have sex and where they demand to be brought younger and younger girls (children), new ones each time? (In the case of Alexandra Macesanu and Luiza Melencu, even the FBI got involved and ‘recommended’ putting a lid on the whole affair, and over 90 US soldiers were packed and shipped home a few days after the disappearances broke into the news.) Might all that be the WALL?

And that is very interesting too. Even in peace time, the military is harming and raping girls and women. The US military, none the less. That's imperialism right there. The most powerful country in the world establishing military bases in impoverished countries and harming the girls and women living there. Covered up by the State. Just confirms what we all know: the military is a rotten institution and all soldiers are a threat to women, and the US military is the most powerful one.

#romania #sex trafficking #rape #germany #netherlands #us #anti prostitution #anti imperialism #anti military #ref #asks #anon

[lia404]

Get to know me better game—2 in 1 because I'm 6 months late

Tagged by: @baratrongirl and @missmewachu

Thanks for being so patient while I was figuring out how Tumblr works again and why I had a blue dot beside "Activity" (as in, notifications about tag games I've been sent 6 months ago. Better late than never 🤦‍♀️) Thankfully the tag games you sent my way are very similar so it won't be hard to do 2 in 1!

Last song I listened to: Chipzel - Courtesy - YouTube

The 1st track of Super Hexagon, composed by Chipzel. Chipzel's music has been a pick-me-up since 201...4 I think? And since I fell back into Super Hexagon around a week ago, the music has also found its way back into my work playlist.

Currently reading: Trick question! There is what I am MEANT to read, and what I am ACTUALLY reading.

What I am MEANT to read is To Shape a Dragon's Breath, by Moniquill Blackgoose, which has absolutely all the elements I need to love a book. The problem is that my brain absolutely refuses moving further than Chapter 1, and I've been stuck for MONTHS. The good news is that when it happens, I usually struggle until the moment my brain finally snaps and I read the whole book in an afternoon. Wait for me, Moniquill Blackgoose, I'll soon be raving about your book.

What I am ACTUALLY reading is... well, it's more re-reading, but I'm going through Happy Hour by Inkflavored and Keep the Light Shining by Clydeside, two Yu-Gi-Oh AUs that have been incredibly healing for me in the past months, for very different reasons. I wanted to re-experience them to see if I could turn them into fanbinding projects (if the authors give me the authorisation of course, but I haven't reached this level of confidence yet, let's give it time.)

Currently watching: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS.

Do you believe me if I tell you that it was an accident? It kinda was though! I wasn't the one who played the first episodes I just kept going afterwards. That said, I have fully adopted Yusaku. I kind of wish he could meet Philip from Kamen Rider W. Things would go so well.

Currently writing: this one is plain cruel, because after a drought spell of almost 2 years, I finally feel like getting back into writing (thank you, current obsession.)

I have 3 WIPs, one PWP because I like a challenge, one backstory of a character that has basically become my OC, and one AU that @wisyhana created and that I'm using as a wonderful sandbox. I am between 2k and 5k into each, nothing is complete, I'm losing my mind. But at least I'm writing again, right?

Spicy/sweet/savoury: Okay yes no it's cruel again and you will not make me pick just one.

If you've followed me these past years you know that I have completely lost my sense of taste between 2020 and 2023. I was lucky enough, and honestly even the specialised doctor said it was a miracle, to have most of it come back to me abruptly in March 2023, after 3 years unable to enjoy a bit of chocolate or a nice gratin. Some tastes are lost forever, but so few compared to what came back that I just can only be very very grateful and very confident in saying SPICY SWEET SAVOURY I'LL TAKE THEM ALL. I LOVE TASTES. ALL OF THEM.

Relationship status: I have been told polyamory looks good on me.

And I am lucky to have the most patient and tolerant lovers ever. EVER. I love them so much and I'm so bad at showing it because I am a mess. There isn't a day where my heart doesn't overflow with gratitude that they are in my life and agree to putting up with my bullshit.

Current obsession: Listen, Mew put it SO ELOQUENTLY I can help but quote:

mentally ill traumatised japanese teenagers and their ancient egyptian guys who hang out in their jewellery all playing card games.

So, yeah, current obsession is Yu-Gi-Oh!, and with it Duel Links, and everything children-card-game-adjacent. I am currently trying to figure out why everyone in this kid's show is so hot and delightfully traumatised. Characters after my own heart, all ready to be projected on and used for cathartic writing purposes. Other obsession is MEW'S FAULT TOO ACTUALLY since it's my newly founded Clan in Flight Rising. Ask me about my dragon Atem.

Favourite colour: I like my colour like my wine—burgundy. (I actually like all sort of shades of purple, violet and red, but I don't know how to list them.)

Tagging: Wow uh who do I know around here who is still active?

@twilightknight17 for sure (although I'm sure you already did it), @wingsonghalo maybe? Uuuh, I think @the-wanderer-of-thoughts and @istadris? You know, considering how inactive I am here, I think it's already a lot, but if you're not in the list and want to do it too, be my guest!

#lia blabla #tag game #it's been weeks and i still have no idea what i am doing #why is formatting such a nightmare #and sorry this is so long wow #do people really actually read these things or are they here for the writer to pause and consider how they'd answer #lia in fandoms #i promise next time i figure out how to insert cuts in posts i thought it was something that was automatic

[paddockbunny]

All Too Well : Chapter Three

Summary : Alessandra Lucciano tells herself she has it all. She is Daniel Ricciardo's girlfriend after all. Isn't she? Well, sometimes she has to work hard to feel like it and no more so than when some girl shows up and makes her question her life as she knows it. So what happens when someone else starts paying her more attention than her boyfriend? Pairing : Daniel Ricciardo x (OC) Alessandra Lucciano Rating : 18+ Word Count : 3,995 Trigger Warnings for this Chapter : sorry sad vibes again, angst filled chapter, rocky relationship, language, slight NSFW, adult themes, implied sex, sexual tension, food discussion, intrusive thoughts & mentions of broken family. Song Inspiration for this Chapter : "You're so much older and wiser, and I wait by the door like I'm just a kid." - Tolerate It

*Author's note: Thank you so much for all the love people have given the last two chapters. You have no idea how much it means to me. I just want to say this is the last chapter featuring the Montana lodge backdrop and the story will move along a little from here. There is a little Italian in this chapter but I am in no way able to speak Italian so if anyone does and something doesn't make sense please let me know so I can amend it. English translation is at the end of the chapter. Again, this is a slow burner so please keep that in mind. Please note that this is set in 2020, covid doesn't exist, Daniel stayed at RBR and no IRL timelines have been stuck too as this is a work of fiction. Hope you like it!!! **Thank you again for all those requesting to be added to the taglist, I'm so happy you like this fic! 💞

August 4th 2020 – Montana

As the whole house lay sleeping, Alessandra had already been up hours. Jet lag had somehow crashed down on the latecomers with feverish alarm. Daniel simply turning over and snuggled even more into his pillow when she whispered a good morning to him at 8:30. She waited till 9 to try again before resigning herself into spending the morning alone at 9:30 when she finally got up. Ali didn’t mind having the mornings to herself usually but when she was supposed to be here with her fun loving, easily excitable, adrenaline junkie of a boyfriend she couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Especially after what happened the night prior.

It had been intended to be romantic. She had made sure his wine – his own fucking brand of wine none the less – was at the right temperature and she had asked the housekeeper to have the hot tub turned on and set just right for them. And when she meant them, she meant the pair of them, her and Daniel. She had gone to change into a skimpy bikini that left very little to the imagination and suggested Daniel change into a pair of swimming trunks. Something, which he totally refused on claims that he was far too tired to go swimming. And Ali almost allowed him to foil her plan right there in the bedroom. In hindsight she wish she had given into him because it certainly wouldn’t have been half as embarrassing as what transpired. With some of the guys already sleeping off their time zone induced sleep, she told Daniel it was fine to stay in his teal coloured sweats as long as he put his legs into the water. She wasn’t even sure what she was requesting triggered anything in his brain. Even when she grabbed the wine and the glasses it didn’t seem to twig. But none the less she she was sure he would appreciate what was going to happen once it finally dawned on him. Ali led Daniel outside and once by the warm hot tub with steam caressing the cool night air of the mountains, he still didn’t seem to have anything firing in his brain she felt utterly disheartened once more. As she held the cup of hot coffee to her chest she wished that she could erase the memory of what happened next from her mind. Her towel fell away – deliberately – to reveal a sinfully small bikini. Daniel’s eyes, naturally, drunk in her body. So at least she knew he was still sexually attracted to her. She asked him to uncork the wine and pour for her and he did exactly as commanded.

“Do you remember that night in New York?” Her voice was practically a whisper as she gently slid against his still fully clothed body. She had always wanted a repeat of that night. The one where he had gotten so hard that she had to help him out underneath the water. The same one that after he had came he had her on the edge of the tub, thighs apart, spread-eagled while he went to town on her. Not stopping till she had practically let all of Manhattan know exactly how good he was with his tongue. “I thought we could repeat it.” She breathed out with a slight sigh. It was then she should have realised his hesitation but instead she ignored it and went to the tub herself. It took minutes – two agonising minutes – for Daniel to pick up the towel on the floor and approach her. “Ali, I’m not using this as an excuse but I really am tired. And besides, anyone could walk out here and I don’t…. lets not give them a show.” And now, as she observed the view with her coffee the next morning, her eyes still stung. She had returned to the bedroom she was sharing with Daniel and faked nonchalance while he got into bed and she went to shower off the chlorinated water. Realistically, she only went to shower so the sound would help hide the sound of her sobbing her heart out. The heart that all these hours later was still bruised. She didn’t even want to get into bed beside him that night. She seriously contemplated sleeping downstairs on a sofa.

But now, as she lifted her cup to her mouth she paused and thought of her grandparents. Her Nonno and Nonna. They were the closest to a picture perfect marriage, as she had ever known. Together having survived many tragedies that could have tore apart any normal family, and yet remained together till her Nonno passed away at the age of 84 a few years ago. Her mother always told her that Nonna claimed her Nonno only stayed with her because no one else could make his favourite Tiramisu like she could. Nonna always reiterated that saying “a way to a mans heart is through his stomach.” And then it dawned on her that she was going about this whole thing the wrong way. She wanted Daniel to see her. All Ali truly wanted was for Daniel to really recognise her and involve her in his life, in all aspects of his life. Ali knew all of the feelings she had toward this Haylee girl were projections of her own frustrations. So, in that moment she decided that regardless of how she felt and how this invader thought she could take over, she would stand her ground. And do it in the best way she knew how, by making dinner.

So when the sleepy men started finally tumbling down from their beds in search of coffee, Red Bull and breakfast she was hard at work compiling a shopping list. Ali had already asked the housekeeper of the lodge to help her source some of the ingredients that were not already available in the fridge, pantry or cabinets. She even shared the list with Michael to make sure he was ok with Daniel eating so many carbs and straying from his usually strict diet plan. He replied by demanding he be fed too and Ali was ecstatic knowing her little plan would pay off. When Daniel eventually arose she didn’t hold last night against him. Nope. She actually played his game in keeping things low key. She didn’t so much as give him his morning kiss that had almost become tradition. Something, which Ali caught him pouting over when he finally sat down but that, was his own fault for wanting to stay on the down low amongst his friends. Nosily he asked what she was scribbling down and she told him he would find out later before changing to the subject of the groups plans for that day. Scotty was filling her in about the bikes that were available at the lodge’s main reception area for free and they all seemed keen on getting out for the afternoon. While she engaged him in excited bike talk – a topic that Daniel had helped school her on months ago – Haylee came down and joined the rest of the team. Sitting down purposefully on the arm of the sofa next to Daniel. Now was the time to stake her claim. And Ali didn’t even need to do it with purpose. She didn’t need to kiss him till he couldn’t breathe in front of her. No, she just let her arm flop on to the back of the sofa and slowly play with the hair at the nape of Daniel’s neck. The move was a classic way of reducing Daniel to a puddle. He turned into a puppy dog having his ears scratched. And as his head rolled back a little in appreciation it allowed Ali to see the girl (who thought she was Ali’s rival) make a twisted face.

“What are we doing today?” She piped up and Scotty announced they were going biking. “Ah cool, space for a little one.” Ali didn’t let the muscling in bother her. It was an obvious move. One that she couldn’t help but eye roll at. She could hang with the boys. She grew up with two older brothers. She could certainly hang with the boys. But she had a much more important task today. Keeping her man well fed and happy. “Well, I’m staying here. I’m going to make you boys the most authentic Italian meal you will ever eat outside of Italy.” There were appreciative groans and Michael informed everyone that the statement was very much true and Ali was a wonderful cook. “You’re really staying here?” Daniel whispered and for a quick second Ali thought maybe he was disappointed she wouldn’t be going with him. A slight wobble ran through her when his big chocolate eyes looked sad that she wasn’t going to be hanging out with him on the first day of his actual summer break. But she brushed it off. “Arancini” Was all Ali needed to say and he smirked broadly at her. She barely made them for him but when she did he could eat them all one right after the other. And Ali kept her thoughts to herself when Haylee scoffed under her breath, commenting she could be a housewife.

While passing the freshly made pasta through the machine quickly enough it didn’t stick and slowly enough it made perfect thick lines, Ali sang along to the song playing on the radio. It was some old fashioned 80’s soft rock thing that she vaguely knew the words too but the ones she didn’t she pulled a Daniel and made them up. She had made shifted a pasta tree out of two coat hangers and hung them on the cabinetry. Daniel loved her fresh pasta. Just like he loved the Arancini, the other three small dishes and the desert. She really was slaving away but she tried not to think of the “housewife” comment from earlier. Housewife? Yeah Beverly fucking Hills Housewife darling. She scoffed but then her phone pinged beside her and it was Daniel sending her a photo. It was of him and the boys all holding their stomachs pretending to be hungry. It was sans females meaning Haylee had obviously taken the picture. And Ali was glad that she didn’t have to have a picture saved in her phone of some other girl that was continually shooting Daniel suggestive eyes.

AL: Cute! When will you hungry Oliver Twists be home for dinner?

He texted back and she received a reply almost immediately.

DR: Soon, maybe an hour. Do you need more time?

AL: Nope! Do you boys want dinner on the table when you get home (I can be a proper 1950’s housewife for you if you want? Suspenders and garter belts et al) or shall I wait till your back?

DR: Cheeky! I’ll text you again when we’re close so maybe start then. Love you xx

Her heart clattered loudly in her chest when she read the last text he sent. He had no idea how much two small little words meant to her, especially after the past few days. Fuck he really knew how to get to her. She wiped her eyes with the kitchen towel she had over her shoulder. Ali’s only wish was that he had said it in person instead of through text. It felt like an age since he had said it to her and she missed the way the words sounded as they poured from his mouth. She was happy with his response because she had prepped everything. The bits that needed to cook were cooking and the things needing to set were setting. Meaning she could go away and freshen herself up. She wanted to not only blow each one of their male minds with the food but also look good enough to eat herself. Guys being jealous of Daniel would stroke his ego and show him how hot his girlfriend must be – another way to really drive home that she was way better than any imitations.

Ali sprinted downstairs with a skip in her step. She was wearing a sundress that was definitely a little too much for dinner at home and certainly too little in terms of how cold she would be but then that gave her the idea that at some point during the night she could ask for Daniel’s sweater. He loved her in little dresses and he loved her more when she wore his clothes. Nothing gave him a more solid hard on than seeing her in one of his oversized t-shirts and she knew it. She reached the kitchen and looked at her watch. It had been slightly longer than an hour so she grabbed her phone. No call or text from Daniel but she didn’t worry. She poured herself a glass of wine and slowly drunk it as she slipped up on to the marble kitchen island. Ali simply willed time to move faster. Patience was not something she was blessed with. And due to this annoying lack of patience she began picking at the Band-Aids that adored both of her thumbs from where she anxiously picked at the skin only 24 hours before. She didn’t want to have to go back upstairs to replace them with fresh Band-Aids from her toiletry bag so she checked her phone again in order to distract herself. Time seemed to move slower and slower the more she wanted it to move faster and faster. She checked on the sauce and made sure other things were seasoned well enough. She added a dash more chilli flakes to one and pepper to another and sat back down again while sipping more of her wine. The irony of the situation didn’t pass her by. She had been put straight back into the same situation as she was the day before. Waiting on Daniel, again.

Nearly an hour later than Daniel had suggested, the door opened and in they all traipsed like a bunch of naughty school kids. “Why are you all wet?” Ali initially laughed but then it dawned on her that dinner would be delayed even further now because they would all want to go have showers. Daniel uncharacteristically came straight over to her and kissed her gently on the lips. The contact was very much appreciated but it only made Ali more confused. “We went for a post ride swim in that creek down there.” Blake answered for the bunch. Truthfully she could have deduced that herself just from observing the smell from them. It wasn’t exactly fresh so she only hoped it wasn’t contaminated, stagnant water that would make any of them ill. “Yeah, it was absolutely freezing!” Haylee exclaimed and came into view beside Scotty. When Ali’s eyes fell on her the smile was wiped away from her face straight away. This girl stood there in Daniel’s hoody. In the hoody that Ali had been just fantasising about having on her own body. But here Haylee stood with it on hers and a subtle smirk painted across her mouth as if she was able to read Ali’s mind. But then, it got worse because this ungracious female said Daniel’s name to get his attention and Ali had to physically hold herself back when she made the next move. With Dan’s full attention on her she began to remove said hoody. Slipping it up her body with a very deliberate slow pace. Ali swallowed to stop the words that were threatening to vomit out of her mouth. Choice words that would send her straight to hell were bubbling in her throat as she watched this shameful display in front of her. Her nails on her middle fingers dug into the skin underneath the Band-Aids so harshly that she could already feel them begin to bleed. Her teeth ground together out of a mixture of pure frustration and from the stinging she felt in her thumbs. Worst of all was that her fucking boyfriend never looked away and in fact has a smirk plastered on his own face. He looked like the cat that got the cream for another girl. And that simply killed her.

As everyone peeled off to shower and get ready for dinner she once again checked the sauce and turned on the oven to heat the main course. But then she didn’t really have anything else to do so she went up to find Dan. Her plan wasn’t to do anything other than chat really. She wanted to hear him talking about his day and at least have a few minutes alone with him. She certainly didn’t expect him to be on her as soon as she walked in the room. But she was not complaining considering he was clad only in a towel fresh out of the shower. Was a dip in a freezing icy lake really responsible for this sudden horniness Daniel was experiencing? “Fuck…” fell from her mouth as his teeth grazed that spot under her ear and his hands instantly grabbed handfuls of her peachy round ass. This was exactly what she wanted all along. A low moan came rumbling up Daniel’s throat when she ran her nails across his back. She felt like he was breathing fire into her soul. Too long had she been deprived of this feeling so now she let her mind forget all about dinner. Sex was her only objective and as he pulled her body flush against him, she could feel it was very much his as well. “How long do we have?” He groaned against her mouth and without a single shred of hesitation, she pushed him back to sit on the bed while she straddled his perfect thighs. “Half an hour. You think you’re up for the challenge, Daddy?” The word was always guaranteed to get Daniel going and right now with an erection like the one pressed against her inner thigh, she knew it was only a matter of time before he would have them flipped over and he was pounding into her. “Please, Dan…” His hand went around her throat and he gently squeezed. The tilt of his head told her he was desperately awaiting her to finish the sentence. “…. Fuck me…” “Oh God, I’m so sorry…” FUCK! Haylee’s voice came from the doorway. Since she walked in on them yesterday, Ali was very aware to close the door so now with her standing there she clearly had opened it without knocking. Where did she get the nerve? The rage built inside her again so quickly that this time she lost her cool and was ready to bite her head off. “I was just wondering what time dinner was?” “NOW!” Exclaimed Ali furiously. “Ok, sorry again.” The door then shut and Ali exhaled hoping all of her irritation would go with it. But when she opened her eyes, Daniel was staring at her. “You didn’t have to talk to her like that.” He was defending her? In different circumstances Ali could remember at least three occasions they had been interrupted like this before. And on at least two of those occasions Daniel almost bit the person’s head clean off. Now he was reprimanding her for doing the same thing? Ali got off of Daniel’s lap and stood trying to keep her composure.

“We haven’t had sex in weeks and every time you so much as touch me, she magically shows up.” “You’re being rude to her because we haven’t had sex?” Daniel’s tone was trivialising everything she felt. He reduced it to nothing. He made it seem so meaningless. He made her feelings so meaningless.

8:44pm

“FUCK!” Blake shouted so loudly it echoed around the whole lodge. “Marry me!” He added and it sounded more like he was begging her. Ali couldn’t help but laugh loudly. Moans and appreciative groans rebounded around the table. The meal was nearly over and they were currently on dessert. Tiramisu. Her Nonna’s Tiramisu. Anyone who ever had one single bite of the light as air traditional dessert always made these noises. Noises that always made Ali think of sex. Daniel moans beside her were exactly what he sounded like when he was fucking her but now, after their earlier argument, it pissed her off. The residual frustration from two hours ago still gripped on to her. She felt it in her bones. The worst part was the only thing that would get rid of it would be if he actually did fuck her into next week. But that was highly unlikely to happen now.

“This is the best Tiramisu I’ve ever had. You’re a lucky man, Daniel.” Michael stated and it was such a welcome compliment but also one that made her feel like she was somehow living a lie. Just as she was about to answer for him and tell the whole table that while she was talented at cooking, Daniel had many more – much more important – talents. She would allow them to be as suggestive with her words as they wanted. The thing was, she never got to say them. “The best Tiramisu is in LA. There’s this place near Mulholland that doesn’t make it too strong, y’know the coffee taste and they put pistachios on the top and oh my god, it’s the best.” It came from the other end of the table and Ali’s eyes rolled. Then her Nonna kicked in. The Sicilian kicked in. “Il Tiramisu Americano meglio del vero Italiano? È fottutamente pazza?” * and suddenly with a slightly louder voice Daniel glared at her and replied; “Alessandra fermati! Non lo intendeva in modo negative” ** The fact he had just done that to her, once again writing off her feelings like that just set her off. “Sì ha fatto. Pensa di essere migliore di me.” *** Ali told Daniel exactly what she thought but the man opposite had already picked up his wine glass and was ready to move the conversation on.

So as quickly as Daniel moved on, so did Ali. She grabbed the finished plated and cutlery and began tidying things up before people has even completely finished. She needed out of that room. Her lungs were crying out for oxygen so desperately she began to feel ill. But then she had felt this horrible unease ever since she got here a few days ago. The more that she tried to pinpoint what that unease actually was the more she realised it had a name and a pair of tits. Flinging the plates into the sink for washing she braces herself for a moment. She didn’t cry. She didn’t let herself cry over men. She had done enough crying over one man that was supposed to be there for her and love her unconditionally for the whole of her life. And that man didn’t deserve her tears no more than Daniel did in this situation.

“Uh...” She spun round rather dramatically to see Michael holding plates. She motioned to the counter top and as he placed them down he asked her if everything was ok because things got heated out there for a moment. “Fine. Everything is just fine.” Ali said it as thought she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him. She couldn’t share anything about how she was feeling or how fucked this situation was with Michael. He was Daniel’s best friend and would just run and tell him. “If you need to talk.” It was just words people said when they tried to get information from people. Girls used it to garner gossip and guys usually used it to get girls to trust them so they could eventually get into their knickers.

God, please let this fucking weekend soon.  

*American Tiramisu better than real Italian? Is she fucking crazy?  ** Alessandra stop! She didn’t mean it in a negative way.  *** Yes she did. She thinks she’s better than me     

💞TAG LIST :

@inkfablesandstories @ggaslyp1 @thelightnessofthebeing @nunchuck-daddy @deathmet-al @pleasantducktimetravel @scotlynaurora @squidwardsluverxx @zxlla

#all too well #all too well fic #daniel ricciardo #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 smut #f1 one shot #f1 #dr3 #daniel ricciardo fanfic #daniel ricciardo prompt #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo series #daniel ricciardo blurb #daniel ricciardo x oc #Daniel Ricciardo #Daniel Ricciardo fanfic #Daniel Ricciardo imagine #Daniel Ricciardo fic #max verstappen #f1 edit #f1 x reader #f1 fanfiction #f1blr #f1 imagines #formula 1 imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen imagine #fanfic

[fantasyfantasygames]

Pure Dysfunction

Pure Dysfunction, stop bothering me about a name games, 2017

Written by a game designer who had been to one too many bad cons, Pure Dysfunction (PD) is a game about running a gaming, comics, or other fandom convention. You play the con chair, ops, other officers, and volunteers dealing with your total inability to plan ahead.

Having been involved in the running of a con myself, it usually does not go this way, and you should thank the many people who made the event happen for their role in not having everything fall apart. This game takes all the bad stuff that happens at a dozen cons and crams them all into three (in-game) hectic days.

Your character is rated on four stats, each of which have a different scale. You have a Typing Speed (in words per minute), Sprint (in meters per second), Customer Service (rated in number of cards), and a Frustration Tolerance (rated in blocks, with 1 being good and 4 being bad) You use different resolution mechanics for each, so you'll have a deck of cards, a pair of d10s, and a Jenga tower on the table. You also may or may not have Card Access to the various rooms where events are happening, and that might change as you're forced to shuffle events from room to room. You spend an initial split of Enthusiasm and Experience on your stats - they add up to 10, but of course each stat costs differently. Completely separate from all that, you have an Archetype that determines what stuff you have access to. You might be an Otaku with a massive collection of anime and video equipment, a Tinkerer with a bajillion tools, the Dice Hoarder, etc.

The game comes with a few sample floor maps and schedules, from Genericon-sized to Gencon-sized. It also has several d66 tables of what can go wrong. The tables often point you to other tables, so generating an "encounter" (yup, they use that word on purpose) can take a few rolls. The events are mostly realistic - or maybe they're all realistic and I just haven't run into the more outlandish events. The game could run GMless if you wanted to have someone who's not in the scene play out the NPC interactions.

PD's main drawback is that it's a bit short. Much like a play about putting on a play and a movie about making movies, a game about game/anime/scifi cons only really works for people who have some experience in the arena already, or when you can provide lots of context. PD tells you what's going to happen, but if you're not familiar with the experience it's not going to give you a detailed explanation of what's going on.

Pure Dysfunction is passed around in much the same way as The Eye of Argon - photocopies of photocopies, mostly person-to-person. A number of copies were lost in 2020/21 because of the 'rona, but odds are about 100% that your ops person has a copy. Just don't bother them during the con.

#ttrpg #imaginary #indie ttrpg #rpg #review #you take jenga blocks to build your own off-kilter jenga tower and if either of them collapse you freak out #wizard of ops

[akanothere]

About me

Part time fandom artist, full time clown.

20+, she/her.

DO NOT REPOST, EDIT, PRINT FOR COMMERCIAL USE OR BULK PRINTING

DO NOT FEED MY ART TO AI PLEASE

AI IMAGE GENERATOR USERS DO NOT INTERACT

TRACING& COPYING ARE FORBIDDEN AND BLOCKED. IF YOU ARE TOO AN ARTIST PLEASE RESPECT THIS UNIVERSAL RULE (UNLESS MEME/PARODY). “HIGHLY INSPIRED” WITHOUT CREDIT WILL BE BLOCKED AS WELL. MY HOURS OF HARDWORK AND BRAIN JUICE ARE NOT FOR YOU TO USE IN THIS WAY. I APPRECIATE THE LIKE BUT PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, DO NOT FOLLOW.

THIS IS A MATURE BLOG OFTEN ENGAGING WITH DARK CONTENT, HOWEVER I STILL HAVE DNIs.

THIS BLOG CONTAINS NSFW, BLOOD AND GORE DRAWINGS, TONS OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIP AND OTHER TW (ALL PROPERLY TAGGED UNLESS I FORGOT ONE OR TWO. IF I DO PLEASE TELL ME!!!)

FULL DNI, DOS AND DON’T, FANDOM CONTENT WARNINGS BELOW. I AM BAD AT EXPRESSING SO IT GETS LENGTHY BUT UM HOPE IT CLEARS UP EVERYTHING

THIS USER DOES NOT ACCEPT INSULTS, VIOLENCE, ABUSE, SLURS, AND DEATH THREATS TOWARDS HUMAN IN REAL LIFE.

What to expect or not here:

⚠️VERY IMPORTANT

I can tolerate/will create darker themed content when it comes to Danny Johnson or Tom Riddle, as well as some other slashers or mature fandoms and villains. I would say this is NOT a safe blog (I mean come on those are bad guys what do you expect! Don’t be too delulu to a point you gonna make them a good guy). However I do not tolerate any form of violence, abuse and discrimination in real life. Seriously, get help if you come across to any of these.

All my darker artworks are NOT for you to follow irl (can’t believe I still have to say this in 2020s do people use their brains nowadays)— It is for me to explore darker concepts, trying to figure out how, for example, how people attracted by psycho criminals, WITHOUT using an existing criminal and hurting anyone irl. Bc everyone is FAKE, they don’t exist, it’s FICTIONAL. Also, to explore my own/seen traumas. I turn personal issues into NSFW kinks or simply dark shit etc, and cope with it as a fictional content. Not exactly the best idea I know but this keeps me sane and overthinking about the past irl. I do not tolerate death/abuse threats and insults towards human in real life, it’s stupid. And all of you should also keep every dark shit fictional content in fictional world. We do not need anymore crime irl thank you very much. Think before you act or talk. Fandom is not that serious to a point you wish death and suggesting violence upon someone.

For my Haikyuu or Naruto art those are mostly safe as hell (my opinion) just loving caring and tons of smooch smooch!😭💖 OMFG I MEAN BOKUAKA HOW YOU GONNA LOOK AT THEM AND THINK OF ANYTHING DARK HELLO EXCUSE ME

Generally I’m open-minded to all ships and kinks (even with complicated relationships where abuse are mentioned for plot reasons, or larger age difference), but l0lic0ns and ped0s you can do us a favour go fk yourself🖕😘🖕While I’m in horror movies fandom, I do not support real life criminals. If you do or even a delulu fan of them please stay away from every living beings, also fk you too🫶💓 I don’t engage with inc3st contents, however will bear it for past trauma, but will not read purely inc3st stories. Pseudo/step c3st sometimes okay (depends on context really). Also I draw& read& reblog dead doves, which contains different TW like abuse/non-con/dub-con, you have been warned!!!! If it’s dark content with NSFW, please only recommend me with characters at least over age of consent but much more better if they are of age coz tbh I’m more into adult relationships really ahem. DO NOT SEND ME CREEPY PED0 (UNDER AGE OF CONSENT) SHIT THROUGH “ASK ME”. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND REPORTED. Also usual DNIs coz I’m traumatised by how stupid they are considering I am the most stupid people on this planet— c0mmies/ z!onists/ transphobes/ TERF/ homophobes/ biphobes/ typical fujoshis who complains about hetero but do same shit if it’s gay, do not interact.

ABOUT NSFW OR COMMISSION— In all circumstances, I cannot and will not create NSFW art piece regarding minors under the age of consent. PLEASE DO NOT EVEN ASK COME ON DUDE…

Also I DO NOT accept any NSFW commission, even it’s purely about adult characters. Adult characters with a bit of suggestive content, maybe um okay base on context. If it’s a pairing or character(s) that is at the age of consent (not an adult), and is from NSFW story/series, but you wish to make SFW art, please check with me before commissioning. Coz sometimes I read darker content but really do not have the heart to draw it if it’s too much for me…However let me be clear again— ANY NSFW OR SUGGESTIVE ART OF MINOR CHARACTERS UNDER THE AGE OF CONSENT IS NOT OKAY FOR ME. I’M NOT COMFORTABLE DOING IT. DON’T EVEN BOTHER ASKING. PLEASE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I don’t post NSFW art directly (artistic nudes, maybe; explicit nudes? Nah). However, I talk nonsense/ adult jokes/ head canon on my socials, so please DNI if you are not comfortable with. I can’t check every single account before I reply, so minors and people who are not pleased with NSFW topics: if you see this post, do not engage with my posts even they are SFW. Sometimes posting slightly NSFW (aka suggestive) art or head canons directly, but will still tag it as NSFW.

I create art for my inner peace and needs. I cannot babysit and accommodate everyone, so, if you don’t like, don’t engage. The definition of “problematic ships” differs from person to person coz fk me people nowadays overuse this too much to a point idk what is & what is not…

-

Fandoms and ships

Dead by Daylight

Ghostface centric, Ghostface x OC/ x reader, sometimes GhostFrank, GhostMeg and GhostFrankMeg-the-daddy-issue-trio-poly

⚠️IMPORTANT: It’s totally okay to consume my version of Jed Olsen X OC content and imagining in your brain it’s you or whoever his S/O is, but I block people who draw my version of Jed with themselves/self-inserts/OCs, or generally drawing him. It’s a culture here: impolite to draw someone’s design without permission😭💦 So please don’t take it personally, it’s just me not comfortable with sharing my design of Jed with other people’s self insert/OC. Also I have many plans for him so when people draws him (even not a ship art), it might actually interfere with my WIP sketches and ideas which makes me so awkward like “should I continue when someone drew it already???” However I am glad many people like him! Thank you for giving him love he really doesn’t deserve it he belongs in the trash💥

PS. There are some designs out here alike which of course is fine, I do not own the character himself, but I‘ll stay away or block if it’s too alike/ overly referenced. I stay quiet about things I don’t like so unless shoving it in my face, I will just walk away🧍‍♀️💦Need not worry!

Haikyuu!!

BokuAka, sometimes Tsukishima centric and SunaKita

Harry Potter (Wizarding World)

Tom Riddle centric, Tomione. Casual: Tomarry, Drarry/Harco, Voldantonin, Antonmione, GGAD, SebOmi/OmiSeb, Sebastian Sallow x MC, Ominis Gaunt x MC, Seb+Omi+MC trio friendship.

⚠️I DO NOT SUPPORT JK ROWLING’S TRANSPHOBIC SPEECH. TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. IF YOU CAN’T ACCEPT OTHERS HAPPINESS AND RIGHTS, THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR YOU. FK OFF.

ALSO THAT ONE TOMIONE ANON WHO KEEPS ANNOYING WRITERS WHEN THEY WRITE FOR OTHER PAIR— DO NOT INTERACT.

Don’t follow me for ships. See me as a cheap ass £10 all you can eat cushion buffet please. No quality of art here. Just pure delulu and bad drawing skills.

Naruto

KakaSaku, ObiRin, ObiKaka and InoSaku.

⚠️Note that my main ship in this fandom is KakaSaku, but only when Sakura is of age and usually I ship them in same age AU. And I don’t ship them if they were very close as student and teacher before Sakura of age (it’s really weird). I also love them as platonically best friends, the way their personalities work together if they were born in the same generation, not the teenage-creepy-forbidden-love-in-classroom-gro0ming type of shit, in case you start wondering. If there’s no KakaSaku tag or it is described as “platonic”, it means that art is not a romantic ship art. There might be some head canon etc about teenage SKR having a crush on KKS or both of them feeling butterflies in stomach, but I will always prefer Kakashi not stepping over the boundaries in some close to canon AUs. He is a very nice person and would never take advantage of SKR, I think. It’s true crushing on older people like this happens irl, so I admire the storytelling, but OOC af if KKS lets himself be this low. If you are still concerned or feeling uncomfortable about this ship, please block me. ALSO DON’T RECOMMEND REAL FKED UP CONTENT TO ME that was the reason I stopped drawing coz mentally grossed out I had to stay away from the fandom for at least a while💀 I swear those KKSK doujins from like 15+years ago grossed me a lot if you know which ones you know… hell I don’t wanna spread those out no one should ever read that… would do anything to unsee the cover of those doujins MY FKING BRAIN WAS DAMAGED FK

Other games, films and anime

Who’s Lila?, Cube Escape & Rusty Lake series, Year Walk, Disco Elysiumc, Good Omens, Hotline Miami, Chainsaw Man, Golden Kamuy, Dorohedoro, any Kon Satoshi/ Ito Junji/ Wong Ka Wai’s creations, Horror and thrillers, Sci-fics

Fic recommendation lists

(Most of them are dark, dead doves and NSFW. Some are light and cracks! Read TW and tags. Read at your own risk.)

Danny x You/OC/SO

Tomione

#about my blog #about my art #not a safe blog for minors #but I can’t tag minors dni or else they can’t see this post and thought they can interact lmao #seriously minors dni

[riptides-owner-is-gorgeous]

TLDR; speculation on probable Taylor Swift fallout based on 8 year pattern AKA worldwide kickoff of taylor swift's carrer in 2008 with release of debut album, 8 years later falls out of grace thanks to kim and kanye lying, then releases reputation, 8 years later may be on the brink of another fallout to give way to another reinvention era/album

i think i just realized something, i think Taylor Swift might be very close to a worldwide fallout, falling out of the high pedestal she's been on lately. and this is based solely on a pattern i saw, which is:

all fine > 8 years > worldwide fallout > "reset" image, fine again > 8 years > worldwide fallout > "reset" image

allow me to explain.

(forgive me if someone has already said this before, i just haven't seen anything)

so, to establish a timeline.

if we consider The Start of Taylor Swift's professional (to any extent of the word) career as the release of Taylor Swift (the debut album), then it all starts in 2008 (technically the internet says "it was released in North America on October 24, 2006, and elsewhere on March 18, 2008". still the year i remember is 2008, and it was the release date for the world so to say, and honestly, USA is not the only country ever so whatever).

then 8 years later, let's set the scene. it's 2016, Kanye releases Famous, the Taylor line, the music video, the edited phone call video. boom, seems the whole world turns HARD against Taylor (she's gotten hate all the time, but now it seems to be EVERYONE, your mom, her dog, the neighbor, and their aunt Martha, even people who "don't care" about Taylor Swift are swayed to form negative opinions on her, most of them taking to social media for everyone to see).

one year later, 2017, we get reputation. i take this as the beginning of gaining back the trust? the grace? the ykwim of the world. 2020, the real full phone call leaks online, this accelerates the process.

8 years later from the fallout (2016), 2024. here is where we get to speculating grounds, about what i think can happen next based off the 8 year pattern i saw:

2024 is the year people lose faith on Taylor Swift, you can even say the world will turn on her again, it's the cycle of things and in her case it appears to be every 8 years.

you can even say the cogs started moving in 2023, with the whole jet emissions, lack of being vocal about things people see as important, problematic fling with ratty, overdoing the whole merch and consumerism "spend more and more on me and my stuff" thing, borderline estranging and seemingly throwing part of her fan base under the bus (gaylors with the 1989 prologue), allegedly starting a PR relationship with the NFL (spotlight with misogynistic men, generates hate), etc.

she's getting too much media exposure, people who didn't care for her, start not liking her (she's everywhere, it's tiring), people who simply didn't like her now start hating her (no more tolerance), people who hated her, hate her even more and are making it everybody's problem. some people who like or love her, given the radical change of focus in her appearances lately (NFL, new boy, WAGS besties, republican america fuck yeah vibes, as opposed to focus in her art, music, lyrics, thoughts, etc.) may even start not caring about her or disliking her.

so, i think what comes next is a fallout. still, i think that what makes it different this time is that now she has control of the narrative. maybe this time it's planned. i don't think it's a coincidence the two left re-records are Taylor Swift debut album (which started it all, started the cycle) and reputation (the tool for image reset, for changing general opinion on her).

i don't know what the order will be, maybe:

release TS TV, then full blown fallout, "disappears" from public eye (hard given the eras tour is still on), comes back a year later with rep TV and new image

release TS TV, continue slow fallout, rep TV and finish eras tour (closing circles), extreme media exposure that tips the glass, full blown fallout, disappears, comes back a year later with a new album that changes public perception about her rep style

what may this new image be? idk maybe:

a traditional, "actually i'm straight and lowkey homophobic", "i was lying about not wanting to get married", getting married, forming a family, retiring to focus on new family, we see nothing of her ever again

or a controversial, "actually i AM gay and tired of hiding it" or something like that

literally anything else, idk

#tswift #taylor swift #thesis #gaylor

[goldeneyedgirl]

Look! You hit me in two of my weak spots with baby-verse: first because I l-o-v-e hybrid (I got to know your fics because of that one back in 2020?? 2019?? idk) and because I also love babyfics (which is a fact I'm not particularly proud of, but yours is the only real good one I've read in a while). My question is actually about the dynamic Rosalie-Olie, because Rose is a character who has a difficult story with babies, and I think the way you write her is so cute and honest with her character. In the story, is this whole thing a healing experience for her or would you say it's more painful? And how her relationship with Alice changes (if it changes) with that? (Also I have to add that I'm loving FicMas so far, it's like the ultimate Jalice event on this fandom in my opinion)

Anon! Thank you so much for enjoying Hybrid. That is the most self-indulgent fic to date and for a while, it felt like everyone was politely ignoring that so it always makes me SO happy that Hybrid has a fanbase? It's unhinged, it's meant to be a bunch of fun, I love that people want to read it.

And thank you for the incredible comment about baby-verse. I am indifferent to kidfics, honestly, and most of them are terrible. Baby-verse spawned mostly out of frustration and spite about the state of baby fics and how deeply unequipped Alice and Jasper are to be parents in any universe. It would never be a choice they made for themselves, and I think if you want to stay true to them as characters, you need to recognize that. But that's a rant for another day.

SO, about Hybrid!Rose. It's really both? I think that it reopens a very raw wound for Rose, but in a way that allows it to heal stronger. She'll never have babies, but she gets to watch her favourite brother's son grow up and be a part of that? It's very bittersweet and complicated for her, definitely.

This is a version of Rosalie that thinks Alice is erratic and childish and has a bad temper, and she has no idea why Jasper is so in love with her. Rose is not a fan at all; she just tolerates Alice better than Bella because Alice isn't human and giving up a Normal Life to be with Jasper, and because Jasper isn't making his relationship with Alice a family priority - Jasper would actually prefer less family involvement.

And then Alice walks in holding this beautiful baby boy that looks so much like Jasper, Rosalie knows instantly that this is her nephew. In that first moment, it's love at first sight. Rose will die for Oliver without a second thought.

The pain comes later, and Emmett does a lot of heavy lifting there, letting Rose hurt and emote over the fact that life isn't fair and reminding her that she needs to find the good in the situation. She can grieve her own dreams and celebrate Oliver at the same time. No one in their family is going to begrudge her for hurting, but she cannot place her suffering or her healing solely on Oliver's shoulders. (And Rose does support Emmett through a similar thing - that it fucking hurts that the one family member who has expressed his lack of interest in children suddenly has a healthy son.)

It takes time - Rose desperately wants a distinctive place in Oliver's life, and she knows that having a friendship with Alice is necessary to that, so Rose tries. She's polite and friendly, and tries not to offer unsolicited advice or abscond with Oliver when Alice is at the Cullens. She's intensely aware that Jasper needs to bond with his son before she gets to bond with her nephew, and that Alice makes all the decisions whilst Jasper is still coming to terms with being a father.

Most of the time, Rose is successful, but sometimes she gets a little pushy - especially when it comes to things that would keep Oliver closer to the Cullens. Rose is a big advocate for Alice and Jasper to immediately get married, and a lot of that is seizing the opportunity to have Oliver in the house full-time. Alice is not interested in marriage - she's only eighteen and she has her own family, and she and Jasper are still working through their issues - and honestly, Emmett's relieved because he doesn't think Rose is ready to have the baby around 24/7.

But Alice and Rose do slowly form a friendship. It's a basis of mutual respect - Rose respects the fact that Alice is now apart of the family, that she's a capable mom and a good partner for Jasper. Alice respects the fact that this is really hard for Rose, and change doesn't come easy for vampires. And they both adore Ollie and want him to have a happy, normal childhood. Alice does trust Rose with Ollie in a way that she doesn't trust anyone else at the beginning - a mutual understanding of the maternal instinct, perhaps? And as Oliver grows up, Alice and Rose end up being friends on their own merits - they both like fashion, they both like fast cars, and they both have loud and clear opinions.

Oliver is also very, very close to Auntie Ro and Uncle Em - he grows up with both of them dropping any task to play with him, with special sleepovers, with having Rose and Emmett spoil him and love on him so much. So as much as Rosalie will always mourn not being a mother, being able to be there for Ollie's childhood is healing.

(And thank you. Ficmas started as a bit of a silly thing, I am so glad that everyone enjoys it. Definitely thinking of mixing it up for 2024 with an actual request form so I can see What The People Want.)

#asks #my fic: hybrid baby-verse #rose has to heal on the fly in Official Babyverse #in the OG edition she has to watch alice be pregnant and gets more time to come to terms with things

[wyxan]

Fanfic Writing New Year's Resolutions

Thank you to @mightymightygnomepriest for tagging me in her resolutions, it was lovely to sit and think about this!

2023 marks the year I really properly started recovering from a serious breakdown in 2020. One of the most precious parts of my recovery has been rebuilding what it means to be me as a full person - what I like and dislike, what sparks joy, what tastes yucky, what I'll tolerate and what will overwhelm me. It's been a year of trying things and being stupendously brave and proud of myself and celebrating everything that I try with enthusiasm. It's also been trying out expressing opinions, and sharing my actual thoughts and feelings with others - something I didn't realize was a) so scary and b) took so much practice.

I think I've been really very lucky by the people that I have bumped into along the way who have, perhaps unknowingly, pulled me along in their slipstream and shared a bit of their joy. I'm trying to practice believing they value and enjoy my comments and input, and showing that I'm grateful without getting super into the weeds.

So, my resolutions are very much on the theme of developing as a person and sharing that person with others:

I'm going to take part in the DC/Marvel Crossover Fanworks Celebration run by @dc-marvel-crossovers at the start of 2024. It has been so nice to rediscover DC and to continue loving Marvel, and to be involved in such an encouraging and enthusiastic community! A whole event designed to celebrate other writers is the definition of "sparks joy". I was really insanely nervous to take part in the advent calendar event but the enjoyment was worth the nerves so I'm throwing myself in the deep end again, this time with armbands on.

I'd like to write a couple of gift fics and give back a little more tangibly to those who have made 2023 so fun. I have some ideas percolating which I think will be fun for the receivers.

I'm going to produce at least 2 pieces of fan art - one for the crossover event, and one which I have had planned for a good few months but have been too scared that it needs to be perfect so it has stayed not done at all. I'm going to post them even if I personally think they are pants - recognizing both that sometimes my own opinion is skewed and that everyone has to start somewhere!

I'm going to continue to comment on the fics that I read and sharing out my favorite lines / themes / descriptions with the writer. I'm not going to make it a chore, it's about sharing joy!

I want to be brave enough to be varied and to write what I want to write, regardless of whether that may be popular. I think I learned this year that sometimes fic writing will mean a) acknowledging that something not getting a lot of hits or feedback can feel hurtful and b) I felt joy and pride while writing it and still do while reading it, so 2024 I will practice how to hold both of those as true at the same time.

Finally, and potentially most importantly, I'm going to try lots of different things, and find what I like and what I don't like to write. I'm going to separate what I like and don't like from what I'm good at or what gets good feedback, and focus instead on how the writing process makes me feel.

Having said that I'm practicing being an actual person in people's lives, I'm not quite at the place where I think people will want me to tag them without massively worrying I will annoy them (baby steps). If anyone else fancies making one of these I would genuinely love to see your thoughts for the new year!

[ckret2]

YO it's been so long but I just want to say i still really adore your writing style. Sometimes I'll remember your KOTM fics exist and re-read every fic in the master list again in like a day. Idk, there something intriguing about how you write language and culture differences, between humans, titans, and the different extraterrestrials.

(Honestly sometimes these fics remind me of alter-human experiences, which might explain my attachment for ur fics lol.)

Anyway, I was wondering what your plan was for the series? (And if u were just waiting for prompts, I got ideas. just wanted to make sure first lol)

Anyway thanks for tolerating my rambling 😅

Oh, thanks so much!! I'm glad you still enjoy them! :) I think that's some of my best work to date on writing inhuman/alien cultures.

Okay so, here's how writing works for me: I pour brain gasoline into my writing engine and then the words go brrr.

A huge, long-term writing project is like an SUV. I have to pour a whole lot of gasoline into the engine, but then it can go very far.

I get brain gasoline from things that mentally energize me. These things include going out to restaurants, cafes, and libraries to write; going to movie theaters and concerts; doing other art projects (like leatherworking or sewing) that require going out to craft stores or classes; getting furniture & decor to improve my home; going to festivals, conventions, or other fun events; and even just getting to walk around malls and downtown areas.

I ain't done shit since early 2020! Any writing energy I had toward the start of quarantine has gradually depleted. I know most of the planet has gone back to treating covid like it's no big deal because it's not as fatal anymore, but long covid is still a thing and my household has health conditions that would make gallivanting around in public actively self-destructive, so I still ain't doing shit.

So it's not a matter of not having ideas. I actually have a list of—let me check—twelve fics on my to-write list for the Rodorah plotline, and that's just to finish the current plot arc before launching the next phase of the plot.

But I'm just not getting the kind of brain gasoline I need to run the SUV-sized engine of a project like No Kings Only Monsters. I'm getting enough gasoline to power a moped. Right now my moped is a writing/art roleplay blog in another fandom where I'm working on an ongoing plot. For me a roleplay blog takes a lot less sustained mental energy than writing whole fics, much less a running series of fics.

So, the technical term for what I'm doing right now is "biding my time." I kind of just have to wait until I reach a more energizing period of my life, and look for opportunities to make that happen.

Within a couple months I'm going to be finishing up the most writing-intensive part of my current RP blog plot, and (fingers crossed) I'm going to be moving into a house. (I bought a house.) The new house is over twice as big as my apartment, and I actually OWN it, which means I can do a LOT to make it my own. I'm hopeful that the process of moving will energize me enough to start working on the place (painting walls, getting furniture, etc), and then the ongoing progress of fixing up my place will further energize me enough to return to fic writing.

That doesn't mean I'll immediately hop back on No Kings Only Monsters. I first want to do some more recent fic ideas that have been percolating in the back of my head. But No Kings Only Monsters is on my "by god, I'm gonna finish this" writing to-do list, so after I've gotten back in the swing of writing things I may revisit a writing strategy that served me well in 2018-2019: "write X amount of words on this project and as a reward you can spend the rest of the day writing whatever you want."

I'm hopeful for the future! But for now, I just can't focus on something that big.

(Hold on to your ideas though; flinging them at me now when I don't have any brain gasoline wouldn't do much good, but I'm not opposed to someday taking reader requests again.)

#ask #about my writing

[janusofguardia]

Snow Fic

(No, I don’t have a better title XD)

Summary: Janus never liked snow, but it’s what reminds him of home. 

Rating: G

Warnings: Angst, sadness, doubting reality

I’ve actually had this fic cooking in my WIP’s since 2020! One major reason why it took so long is cus I didn’t know how to write snow (it never snows where I’m from), so I had to ask help from friends and the good people of the CT discord server XD

Hope you like it! 

------

Janus never liked snow. 

To begin with, it never really snowed in Zeal. It was never too hot either. The Kingdom’s protective magic saw to it that its citizens would only ever experience pleasant weather that was never too hot or too cold. 

It snowed down below though, where the Earthbound Ones dwelt. Janus quickly learned on his first trip there that snow was the worst weather phenomenon he had ever encountered. It was a pain to walk in. It wet his feet and ruined his good boots. And as if the numbing cold weren’t enough, icy powder blew all around and left him soaked, freezing, and miserable. 

To make matters worse, it was always like this. Always. It was a constant blizzard and he had no idea how his sister Schala managed to remain so graceful as she administered aid to the Earthbound Ones. 

Of course, Janus didn’t have to be there, but he chose to anyway because he wanted to be by his sister’s side. Never mind that he was casting a low-level fire spell to keep warm. 

Now, Janus stood in the open courtyard of Guardia Castle. It was snowing and he hated it just as he always did. He discovered that winters here weren’t as bad as the frigid blizzards he had known, but he hated it all the same. Snow was still a pain to walk in, it still left him soaked, and it still ruined his good boots. 

He still didn’t have to be out there in the open, fully exposed to the weather he hated, but he chose to anyway. It was as awful as ever, but if he closed his eyes and focused on the feel of the wind and the cold flakes falling from the sky, he could pretend he was home. 

Never mind that the snow reminded him of the unpleasant dwellings of those who were considered beneath him (Schala would say: “We are not above anyone Janus, no matter what they say. We are all equal in this world and must be kind to one another.”). Never mind that the cold wind stung his face and he was starting to shiver. It felt close enough to home. 

And “where” was home, anyway? Or, “what” was home? “What” even was this “Kingdom of Guardia that stood on the earth yet had tolerable winters and also no humans at all who could use magic” that Janus now lived in and had come to know as part of his “existence”? 

When he first arrived in this realm, he spent much of his time seeking answers and trying to find what had happened to the world he knew and how he could return. Years passed with still no leads, and the young prince soon found himself wondering if his old life was just a dream. Other times, he wondered if it was being in Guardia that was. 

(Am I a Prince of Zeal dreaming of Guardia, or a child of Guardia who simply dreamt of Zeal?)

There was one thing Janus was certain of, and it was that he felt time stopped. Years passed, and though he was growing into a young man, he often felt as if he was still the child whose world was ripped from him. 

The wind howled. (The ordinary kind). Janus closed his eyes. He could almost hear Schala calling him to return to the Land Bridge. 

-----

A/N: And that’s it! Even after learning more about snow (and boy did I learn a lot!) I had to juggle which parts specifically Janus hated, and in a way that suited the vibe of the fic. I’m glad I finally got to post this, and in December too XD 

Thank you to those who helped me learn more about snow! (I hope I got it right lol)

#chrono trigger #janus of guardia #chrono trigger au #janus #fanfic #first fanfic for this au! #also on a more personal note that paragraph about feeling time stopped is how i felt during lockdown

[transitjournal]

50 Days HRT Update 🔥

No, HRT will not make you turn to a cute anime girl instantly but it will surely do you these things.

Estradiol Hemihydrate 2mg/ Cyproterone Acetate 50mg

First of all, thank you all for your support and interest on my blog. It's what keeps me going.  💕

I used to take DIY HRT with different medications 2 years ago, with spiro and E2 valerate from January 26 2020 to late July 2020. Those doses were pretty low, at least considering from my point. And after I had to stop those meds, all my changes are rolled back, except some very very little breast growth. Now that I'm seeing doctors since October 2021, since HRT is gatekeeped in my country. Thankfully, I finally got them in July 25, officially got a prescription and had my legit cocktail! Now, of course I'm done with talking, let's move to the changes :)

Physical Changes

My skin is much more thinner and more translucent, and I'm more prone to bruises or tear even by slight contact with something. I feel that I have less tolerance for cold, that I now have to run my air conditioning in higher degrees. IDK what will happen in wintertime though! I've noticed my penis is also getting slightly smaller, as well as my testicles, since there's no T supplying those tissues anymore. No longer have to deal with morning wood or random erections, and this makes me so happy! I've noticed tucking is slightly easier because I can't get erections easily, and probably because of my testicular atrophy. I have small breast buds developing much faster compared to my old cocktail in 2020, (check my old posts if you'd like to get to know more about) the sad thing is since I'm taking single estradiol pill a day, fluctiations of estrogen affects my breast tissue. Sometimes it's like it's not there at all, and sometimes it's noticeably there (like a preteen girl's breasts, to compare).

My facial hair is slightly thinner, but it's still there and I have to shave everyday. The thing I didn't expected is, the growth pace of my facial hair is slowed considerably. Considering laser hair removal in future months, I'd do now but I'm short on cash nowadays. I always hated my facial hair, and it was (and still) my biggest cause of dysphoria. I've heard HRT makes laser hair removal on facial hair much more effective, so that's why I've been waiting around. I am also happy that, my scalp is less oily as well as my skin. I've had like soo much oily skin that I had to use lots of products to get rid of. My acne on my forehad is 90% gone, and I'm so happy for it.

Because of T reduced on my system, the sebum production is decreasing, making my skin dryer. And I tried to masturbate twice in a month, but it was so hard to reach climax. I guess I need to find different ways to please me. But my orgasms were more like a full-body experience, and it was... mind blowing.

Mental Changes

Okay don't be afraid of those negative things I say first cause they're not always here, haha. PMS symptoms, usually once a week (sadly). Cramps on my intestines to the point I can't move. Sometimes I find myself that everything in the world irritates me.

And my love life started to bloom again... at least from my side. I find myself I'm falling for handsome guys much more easily... I can't stop myself. It's more of emotional than sexual this time. I started to be able to cry again after months, I cried for my breakup with my boyfriend for first time after 3 months, why it happened is another story to tell about.

And I cry on emotional scenes in TV series. But being able to cry makes me feel free! 💕 I don't have specific craves to foods, but sometimes I feel hungry out of nothing... it's harder for me to say "no" to some foods. My emotions now feels like a rainbow.

#transgender #mtf #estradiol #estrogen #transgender hormones #mtf hormones #mtf hrt #trans girl #trans woman #lgbt #pre op trans #trans #transisbeautiful #queer #lgbt representation

[antigoddex-a]

So, hi, hello, PSA: I have been going through recent events that I can see belong to the fact that I have O.SDD-1 / O.SDDID ( a sub-type of O.ther S.pecified D.issociative D.isorders that is most similar to D.issociative I.dentity D.isorder ), specifically OSDD-1b. As far as I am aware, I have two alters, Yancy who came around recently on May 8th and a little who I can’t recall when exactly, but most likely somewhere in 2020 ( I always felt ashamed fully properly acknowledging them while also believing it’s just Normal to slip into the little headspace here and there, but, now, I get them... ). Huzzah!

With this fact in mind, I am going to try to keep track of ourselves and my life while trying to fully grasp them when I am usually known to be extremely detached with myself and life to often truly not care about anything that would happen to and around me. I have always wanted to do journalling, but couldn’t because of erratic motivation, but I want to try again while trying to rebuild my own sense of self that is usually distorted. It is gonna be tiring and repetitive and annoying, but I think actually acknowledging my own presence and even trying to appreciate where I am and the fact of how I am still here despite what I would go through does very helpful. Honestly, I and especially Yancy are proud of me for gradually coming to terms with all of this and taking immediate actions about them. Also, I have never taken any medications or done any therapy sessions for ever anything with me, so... The fact I’m doing this as well all alone, either Yancy wants to help or not, we are very impressed as well.

Now in terms of if Yancy will front while I would be active on here ( e.g. reblogging posts, replying threads, etcetera ) or interacting with someone through messages, I don’t know how often that will be a thing, as this is all new to us, but we will start to end our sentences wirh our names ( - Morningstar or - Yancy ) in comments or tags to indicate who is talking. With D.iscord or T.umblr IMs, assume it’s me, Morningstar, otherwise Yancy would most likely state their presence, but while I doubt they ever would because these conversations are my own businesses, who knows. I will also be making a Carrd or such platform as a little about info for me and my alters. I do have to say, noticing this, that one of Yancy’s spelling habits is they really don’t give a fuck about misspellings and don’t capitalize the I’s or names in the entire sentences, while I am complete opposite, so if they happen to forget signing their name yet their speech seems more LOUD and messy, that’s most likely them.

The details under cut is just me sharing the experience where Yancy fronted I think briefly in the morning today on the 9th because I want people to really See what I mean when I say we have OSDD-1b. It was really Something to go through. It’s not obligated to be read though, so if you’re stopping by here, just please know that I am extremely appreciative and thankful for the continuous support and love. My emotional detachment really makes it so difficult for me to interact with literally everyone I know here regardless of how close we are, initiating or carrying conversations, as well as the tolerance in how I speak / type, behave, etcetera, is so beyond appreciated. I had lost a very few people who I had been long mutuals with on Sunday around the time Yancy came through especially with their very prideful and rowdy self, so it was disheartening seeing that we got “ too much “, but I still recall how Yancy made a sneering face realizing who softblocked me and only said out loud it’s okay ( they even actually planned to hardblock them to make me feel less bad seeing them around but I stopped them ‘cause it’s just not worth it as I can understand why ), so, to those who is still here with us, thank you so much. <3 <3 <3

I’m not going to share a whole lot of else that had happened with Yancy yesterday on Sunday because Sunday was just? A lot that I can’t remember what happened exactly other than the prominent fact that I was in multiple of people’s inboxes, but while you already know about the softblock thing and how they would usually type as a habit, I am aware that their tags of their selfies posts came across as very boastful, which... I can get it’d be overwhelming to others, but honestly, I don’t blame Yancy being like that especially when I had really negative thoughts regarding my mom and my birth / existence. ( I do highly appreciate them helping being there for me during Mother’s Day though. ) Now about today, Yancy fronted very briefly in the morning a few minutes after I replied to this thread and it was a lot to handle. It happened while I was scrolling through my blog and I suddenly felt very large / tall and I noticed I would be slouching over with my arms out ( imagine a werewolf being like this posture wise ). And I was able to catch / sense that I kept clenching my fists as if I wanted to hold a knife since the thread had the said weapon involved. Morningstar stims and shouting is one of xyr stims as it makes xem more happier and free, but the urge to shout is very sudden while there’s a heavy, sharp sensation building in the chest, along with the sick feeling of wanting to explode. We did release the shout into the pillow, but after that, the details are blur as I can not remember when did I front back. It was just intense... I have a lot of questions than answers about me and Yancy and my little alter, but while I am extremely relieved to find an exact label of what I am going through, I really hope as time goes on, we will all come to understand each other completely as whole and move forward towards the genuine peace. Together.

#[ me staring at this and going ' what if I have an anon telling me I'm faking this ' as I wanna close my anon option ] #[ but Yancy really do be coming through trying to comfort me and going ' keep it on I'LL handle them aka hope they die <3 ' ] #[ ah ] #[ crossing my fingers people won't get weird or anything about this but we'll see ] #[ anyways I have to go to sleep now and this will be reblogged throughout Tuesday and maybe Wednesday so ] #[ have a good night and thank you all again everyone for being kind to me and Yancy we appreciate it and y'all so much <3 <3 <3 ] #psa.

[thefinalwitness]

i slept all day and im still severely hurty but i think. we're getting there. o|–< im including a readmore to catch up new ppl who are curious bc ive found being open about my chronic pain has helped inform others to their own so!!!! i like sharing

i've had a gradually worsening chronic illness since 2019-2020—it's hard to say for sure when it started, but my physically demanding job at a retail store slowly went from perfectly doable to 'i cant even survive a four hour shift without multiple episodes of hiding in the bathroom just to let some of the pain subside'.

i ultimately had to quit that job in early 2021, and at the time had a writing job that i thought, surely this will be okay! i was wrong. it was so hard to work as consistently as was needed of me. i spent so much time just writing and then sleeping so i might recover fast enough to do more writing. i was ALWAYS late on deadlines no matter how hard i tried.

eventually that job closed down in general, so naturally i lost it, but i know in my heart i would have had to quit within 6 months otherwise. that was late 2021. i've been unemployed since, with no disability because despite ongoing, regular visits with doctors, we dont know WHATS wrong with me, therefore i do not have a diagnosis, therefore i cannot qualify for disability in my area. yippee!

so that's the backstory! i started pain meds last fall and theyve helped A LOT. i can have fun sometimes! i went to pride this year for the first time since 2019!! there's definitely still something wrong, and lately i do believe it's still worsening (at a slower rate than before i was getting treatment at all), but i've gotten through a lot of the guilt for being 'an unemployed, unproductive human being' and have learned how to be kinder and patient with myself. it's not my fault i'm sick. it's not my fault 'my best' doesn't look like other people's. my family loves me not for what i can do for them, but because they just love me.

it's hard to feel your ability to Do Things slip away. how i cant go to amusement parks anymore bc the trip would wipe my ass out for weeks. how i cant even go to a barbecue next door some days bc everything just hurts too much. the simultaneous RESILIENCE you build, the tolerance for your own pain that makes you second-guess if it's even real. it took me so long to realize what i was feeling was NOT normal, that most people don't have to RATION their activities, their chores, their BASIC HUMAN MAINTENANCE to make sure you don't screw yourself over for tomorrow by being in too much pain to move.

today was bad. i had a really stressful day yesterday, and woke up in so much pain it was literally all i could do to sleep. couldn't eat, couldn't go to the bathroom, couldn't sit up, could BARELY speak. it was like my body was screaming at me, "we should be in a COMA right now, we should be UNCONSCIOUS, this is not something humans were designed to consciously endure." and that's WITH 6+ months medical pain management. it genuinely scares me imagining what this would've felt like today if i WASN'T on my meds.

i'm still very in the woods, but i'm trying to make the most of my situation! i'm open to questions if you want to learn more about this, as one of the biggest things that made me realize i needed help was OTHER PEOPLE being open about their chronic condition. it's not pretty, by any means, i've left out the grossest realities here, but i think it's important to share, in case i can do for someone what those people did for me.

thanks for reading!!!! i appreciate being heard on this too. it's scary, i still worry people will think i'm lazy or a crybaby, so it means a lot when people take the time to try and understand.

<3

#yoshi talks #medical / #chronic pain /

[hanna-water]

Part 3 “I’ll Be Fine”: Talk about Popculture, Druck and Gen Z Popkultur Festival Berlin 2022, wednesday 24.08.2022 with Eren M. Güvercin, Nhung Hoang, Naomi Bechert (social media team during s5 – s6, writer of s7 and s8) Moderated by Aidan Riebensahm Nhungi: To return to the other question. I think especially for Druck media literacy is very important. We are lucky that most of the Druck viewers are very tolerant and open for such conversations so that we can get into a discussion. I myself who really grew up with the internet had been on pages like moviestar planet in the beginning and came into forums and tumblr. Whoever here experienced 2014 tumblr... (laughs) dark times. Back then I experienced fandoms myself and was a part of it myself, of course all unfiltered. Everything that there was came towards me without trigger warnings. And now that I am out of all of this already, I see that the Druck fandom deals with media very differently and the fans are more careful/mindful of each other. It was not like that for me (back then). But therefore it makes me happy that people are more cautious now about what media they consume and what they allow. Aidan: I am also interested in the relationship to the audience. The series relies a lot on the interaction with the audience. How did that change during the covid pandemic? Naomi: I had started to work for the project in 2020 so I don´t know and can only assume. Surely it had an impact because people were spending more time at home, were watching more shows, especially young people. They probably found themselves more in these worlds and were looking for emotional comfort, I could imagine. But I don´t have a comparison. Aidan: What are differences between Druck and the reality you experience? Eren: good question. Aidan: Thank you. Eren: really deep. Naomi: Well, Druck is “larger then life” so you try to create a positive vision of how young people deal with problems and interact with each other, develop, learn from mistakes. And the way the characters are acting, of course is not the way all young people are acting. Also about values or attitudes. You want to create positive role models. Eren: I find it generally difficult to compare film and reality. Especially with Druck…- Aidan: I don´t want to compare it but point out the differences. Eren: … often times I notice that the series or generally many formats are a reality postulate. That it is supposed to show things how they are in reality and this was never what film was. It always has been a very commercialized industry and I also like to hear stories which have nothing to do with me, which are very different. So that I can look at it and try to understand and if I don´t then I don´t. But for myself and Ismail, I do see very big differences. Also in everyday live. Or the things that are important, there are very different problems that the characters are facing then what I experience. But as an actress, I still try to navigate which parts of myself can I bring into this character. And I try to build a trusting relationship on the set to be able to work properly. Nunghi: It also needs to be said that the stories we tell, besides all sidestories, are still existing in a vacuum. You can not expect this from young people in real life, that they handle the same problems as reflected and as adjusted. Many aspects play into this, starting with the family or with the friends in your inner circle. Even if you try to surround yourself with the right people, you can still not take responsibility for how the other person reacts. And because in Druck we have the possibility to direct the descisions of the characters, it’s a very different thing. I think Druck is a form of dream world, how it could be in a best case scenario but I don´t think that Druck really mirrors the reality. Naomi: Yeah and the problems are fittet into a dramaturgic curve which is not the same as real life, where things need much more time or don´t happen as clearly, where developments happen in a very different speed. Its still fiction of course. Eren: In 10 weeks. A season runs for almost 3 month. Naomi: yes also the lovestories happen very fast. Nhungi: But I have to say even in my…I want to say “youth” but I am only 20 (laughs). Back then in school, some things just have a different speed. For example a Theo falls in love with a Lisa within 2 days and then it simply is that fast. But you can´t really show that realistically. Eren: We also do play younger roles. I think this is important to point out. The things young people face in the series or films in which we act, those are things everybody has experienced at some point. Naomi: But actually the age difference between role and actor/actress is for some a bit bigger and for some almost non-existent. I think compared to other youth series… - Nhungi: Riverdale. Eren: Oh yes. Nhungi: Where 30 year olds play 16 year olds. Naomi: That also characterizes Druck that you are very close in age. Nhungi: This was also important in the castings. That we were relatively young or looked young. And this also makes a difference. If we are for example in our mid twenties, have perfect skin, are fully grown and then portray 16-year olds. Eren: fully trained (in shape). Adonis body. Nhungi: I will sue High School Musical for that. Uhm yes this already communicates a certain image, how we look as people. Eren: I find it very important because in the first few month when the series was released, I saw so many edits and videos of the audience who left very lovely comments but also compliments like “oh ideal skin.” or “perfect glow” or whatever. And I did not know… - I had acne during this time (laughs). And that’s totally ok. But this was something I had to think about. What image do I give? I don´t want people to think that I am something, I am not. I also have days where I have pimples, days where I don´t have pimples. In a series you have to pay attention to continuity. You can not have a pimple in one scene and then in the next scene a different one. Aidan: That sometimes happens in real life exactly like that though. (all laughing) Eren: sure, sure. Nhungi: You always have to consider that even though the camera work is very dynamic, the light is set perfectly 24/7. We need like 10 minutes only to set up the light before we start filming. That can not be achieved in reality. It´s not like, the camera starts rolling and lets go. Instead the makeup-artist has to touch up and the hair needs to get styled. Even if it looks authentic, its not. Eren: I think this is very important. Because it can be very toxic if you are not transparent with those things.

#Druck #Eren M Güvercin #Nhung Hoang #Nhungi #Naomi Bechert #Talk #Popkultur Berlin #August 2022 #bts info #translation

[pebblysand]

Hi! Been a massive fan of castles since I first came across it in dec 2020 (wow time really flies!) and it's been living rent free ever since... a quick question about authority and mentorship. harry's relationship with authority develops from opposing it, to learning how to play/manipulate it, and eventually becoming THE authority as head auror. does his relationship with robards shape this, or does robards act more as a mentor generally? thanks! PS WIP game - cheeky request for "smoke" xx :)

first, omggg are you joking? i cannot believe you've stuck with me for so long. december 2020 is old school. it's like... before giulia died?! i think i hadn't even broken 50 kudos yet. that is such a long time ago and i am truly honoured that you're still here ❤️. i remember i got what was probably the best, longest, most incredible comment i ever got around that time, and i still remember it. you guys are the OGs and i honestly cannot thank you enough for sticking by me all this time. it means more than you could ever imagine.

secondly, what a brilliant question. i think, yes, you're totally correct in your analysis. and, i would say, it's not only his relationship with "authority," in a hierarchical sense we're talking about here, it's his relationship with power in general. and, specifically, with power when it is held by others over him (or over those he cares about), in a way that he perceives to be unjust or illegitimate. there are plenty of authority figures in the books (dumbledore, mcgonagall, lupin, etc.) who he never really opposes. that is because, in his mind, they have earned their stripes and "deserve" to be in the position they're in. it doesn't mean he trusts them (that's another issue), but he doesn't oppose them as much as he does when he doesn't feel the power is justified. harry is the archetype of someone who doesn't respect authority just because it's authority, and power just because it is power. he hates it when people have some sort of power over him, and his respect very much needs to be earned.

and, you're right. in the first books, he definitely almost exclusively opposes frontally power he feels is illegitimate or unjustified, even if it would make his life much easier not to. he opposes snape, the dursleys, the prime ministers, etc. then, i think in book 6, you sort of see him start to ... play with it a little bit. slughorn holds a form of power over him with his secrets, and he learns to get what he needs from slughorn with a fair bit of luck. then, he really comes out of his shell in book 7 with griphook who he cannot fucking stand, and still manages to deal with in a sort of efficient way. he's not quite there yet, but he learns to deal with power in a bit of a "useful" way.

it was definitely something i wanted to continue in castles. especially because (and this might be tmi) this is one of the ways in which i am So Much like harry. as a teenager and young adult, i was So Difficult and opposing and rebellious with authority i thought was illegitimate. i could not stand the idea that people could be in a position of power and not have earned it and i didn't know a way to deal with it that wasn't confronting them head on, often in front of witnesses. i remember an incident where my former manager made decisions that were clearly bad and illogical and i shredded her to pieces in an argument in front of a dozen teammates. harry and i can be very different at times but that, god, i know what that's like.

and, i think part of me growing up and "adulting" was me starting to understand that doing this is often very counterproductive. and, i will admit this readily: i am far from perfect. there are still instances where i snap. i still have very much a problem tolerating and playing with what i believe is illegitimate power, but i am getting better at it. and, because castles is about growing up, too (and because, as you pointed out, harry goes from hating the "power" to being the "power"), i thought it'd be an interesting (and, frankly, therapeutic, lmao) thing to write about.

and, so, yeah, you're right. harry is learning, too. he is going through those phases of sometimes lashing out (still), and sometimes manipulating. that is very intentional on my part. most of the time, he doesn't quite know what he's doing, but he's trying to be a bit less of an idiot, which frankly is still the stage i'm at (😆). and, yes, i think his relationship with robards is interesting because yes, i think robards does end up becoming the mentor he needed. he is no nonsense and doesn't care, but he still does kind of care, and is very good at steering harry in the right direction. with robards, i also wanted to create a situation where giulia was set up as his mentor by the auror office, but she never ended up being that. giulia is a friend and a teacher, but not a mentor. robards is. and in my experience, it's always like this irl, isn't it? you get set up with people as "mentors" but they never do end up mentoring. it's the people you're not paired up with that end up doing it, and so i wanted that for the fic, too. (a lot of this fic has a subtext of what it's like to enter the professional world and your first job, but this post is already way too long and i will not go on that tangent, lol).

i also think an interesting relationship to talk about here (and then i promise i will shut up) is kingsley. because there, harry's relationship to kingsley's power itself changes. at first, kingsley is very legitimate in his mind, and he doesn't have any desire to oppose him. then, as we know, his vision of kingsley changes overtime, and that's when his gut-reaction kicks in. he lashes out. storms out of his office. gets into stupid press rows with him. but then he's like: wait, this guy's not that bad compared to the other guys and also, i need something from him, so i need to work with him. it still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, and he's still not super sure how he feels about it, but this is very much him learning to play with power more efficiently than he ever has before.

i think, as i get further into the fic, one of the things i'm looking forward to playing with is that last part that you pointed out: becoming the authority. first, i'm very interesting in how he will deal with being in middle management. it's literally the worst job in the world, where your reports blame you for decisions made by other people, and i am so looking forward to seeing him figure that one out. then, him being the authority, making the decisions, and having to live with the consequences they have on other people. i think that part will probably come easier to him, but that part also comes when hermione becomes his boss, which imo is a super interesting dynamic. i can't divulge too much, but it (obviously) is something i'm super interested in.

.

and, finally, your snippet ❤️:

She tells him about the whole thing over tea while he smokes a cigarette out the window. He’s resolved to quitting about five times in the past month, but only lasted a day or two. It’s the interviews and the politicking that’s doing his head in.

i love having fun with harry and his "addiction" to cigarettes. it's this thing where: it's bad but not really bad, and it started as a joke but now he just Can't Stop. honestly, i think he becomes one of those people who are constantly trying to quit, but can't really ever do it haha.

#asked and answered #castles